I will give a lot of context of my situation, but I will try to make it as anonymous as possible (although, based on this, it is really easy to find me...). I won't try to justify, but rather explain the reasoning so you can understand it better. All of this is really embarrassing for me, but I'm so desperate that I feel like I need to tell you everything.
I, M23 non-citizen living in Europe in the process of acquiring citizenship, began my career around the Fall of 2021 as a Software Engineering Intern at a top 3 Password Manager company. I was 20yo at the time. I do not have a CS degree, but I had original personal projects that helped me during interviews. The fact that I failed a subject at school and couldn't join university was the trigger for a depression&anxiety (that had deeper reasons than just school failure) that I was in for over a year, and this new job sparked a joy inside me that I didn't experience during this time.
I was doing really great. After 4-5 months, I was offered a full-time Junior SWE position. I was even discharged from therapy. However, I was also interviewing for other companies as I didn't know if I'd make it into a full-time position. The offer came in as I passed Facebook interviews for a 3-month internship in London (I live in another country). I talked to my manager at the time, and he convinced me that it would be better to stay, as I had concerns about immigration & the fact that it didn't seem like Facebook had a long-term plan for me.
My salary as an intern was 24k€/year, remote. If I were to be full-time, I would be going into 32k€/year, remote.
Two weeks later, I also received feedback from another company, Company 2, B2B Fintech. I passed all the interviews for a remote Junior FE position. The salary was 72,8k€/year, but as a contractor, and I would be joining as an employee if I were to relocate to Paris. I discussed the matter with my parents, friends, and girlfriend, and I decided to take the offer. The company I was working at counter-offered for 45k€, but I didn't take it.
Then shit hit the fan.
Everything at work was fine, but I was going through a lot of stress at home. After roughly 2 months in this new company, I had two traumatic events outside work that put me into my first panic attack. Due to the high expectations I had for myself at this new job, I felt compelled to resign. I made up an excuse at midnight, wrote the resignation letter and sent it to my manager. He understood my situation and I left. I started to attend therapy sessions once more and took different medications as well.
I talked to colleagues at Company 1, and they accepted me back. One month later, I was back at my position, at 45k€. But things were different. I was giving my all, but I wasn't performing as well as I was before. My relationship with my girlfriend was getting worse, things at home were so tense, and responsibilities were piling up. My therapist thought (and she was right) that I was in the process of burnout. Closer to 6 months after my return, I was talking to my peers about taking a break, but I wasn't sure yet... Then the HR said I'd better take a sick leave because my performance was worse than before and this could trigger a PIP. I took the sick leave. 2 weeks weren't enough. The day I returned, I talked to HR again and I was surely going to PIP, so I told them I was not capable of doing more than I was already doing. I was exhausted. I resigned once more.
Two months later, I got another job at Company 3. I couldn't screw this up. 46k€, remote, I just had to go to Paris once a month. On the first day at this new job, I was so focused that I forgot to eat, and just noticed I was starving when my mom knocked on the door at 17h30 asking if I would eat something. I was dedicating 100% of my time to code.
On my first visit to the office, I had a great time, except for an interaction with a colleague that I really liked. He was asking about my story and I told him about my previous experiences. He said: "so you aren't going to leave us after 3 months, are you?". The voice tone was friendly, but I knew the concern was legit.
During my second visit to the office, I ran out of medication, so I was rationing the dose so I could make it until I was back home. I had a side project for a role-playing game, so I changed the whole BE & FE language & frameworks to match the Company 3 stack. I made a linkedin post to tell people I was practicing the stack after work hours on this project. On the next day, HR scheduled a meeting with my manager and asked me if I was founding a company, because that would clash against the non-competing clause in my contract, and that "Company 3 is the only entrepreneurship journey an employee should take".
Looking back, I understand the concern. In my mind, I was only sharing my RPG side project and showing commitment to improving, but they could not read my mind. I tried explaining that to my manager, and he suggested that instead of doing my side project, I could use those hours after work to solve more tasks from work, as my project would not give me any financial return. This whole thing made me feel horrible. I was so unstable due to medication and [sensitive information, trigger] that I thought of killing myself. I just didn't do it because I thought of my family, girlfriend and friends.
When I returned back home, I was worse. After two weeks I resigned, again. I made purchases with a credit card just so I could force myself to find a job to pay it later. My girlfriend also broke up with me, and lost contact with friends, so... I really asked my parents to stay in the hospital for rehab. I couldn't take it anymore. We searched for other therapists and they denied my hospitalization and we began working on my mental health again. They discovered that I have ADHD, alongside other childhood traumas...
After four months, I had an offer for an internship at Company 4. 21,6k€/year, but fully on-site in Paris. I had nothing to lose, so I went there. At the same time, it was my best and worst decision at the same time. It was good because I could prove to myself that I was a little bit stronger than I thought, but...
I began sharing a home with another 10 people (it was complete chaos, with a lot of fights between the people living there), taking 55% of my net salary (1380€/month) just for the rent, adding up to the interest payments I had, food, transportation, etc... I was basically paying to be able to do this internship. I couldn't pay the deposit for cheaper places. I decided I was going back home. I stood there for 6 months and, resigned and returned home.
Since then, I have taken some time to heal. Eventually, I had to stop therapy for some months as my parents had some financial issues (especially as they had to help me financially as well), but this month I will go back to it once more, thankfully. I tried job hunting, but either I couldn't pass the CV screening stage, or I failed during the process.
Right now, I'm doing some freelance for a LATAM client. I think will earn (as I don't have a contract or anything), 320€ a month.
I honestly feel like a kid. I made many mistakes and I feel like I've burnt bridges everywhere. If I weren't in the hustle from day one, I could've paid more attention to my health, to my ex, to my friends, and I wouldn't have made most of the decisions I did. I feel ashamed. I know part of the blame can be justified on the mental health issues I have, but I can't blame everything on it, I have my (the biggest) part of the blame as well.
I would like to have some advice on what to do. How to deal with this job hopping situation I have? My parents have a better financial condition now, so I'm going back to therapy and I'll be able to visit my home country. I have attached my CV, so you can have a look too and give me some advice on it. I also want to join the university next year and restart my social, professional, and academic life.
Thank you for your attention, this was really hard to share and I appreciate your time reading this.
CV: https://imgur.com/JfF4Ddy

Welcome to our first discussion of David Copperfield! This week, we will discuss Chapters 1-5. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here. The discussion questions are below.
One reminder - although this is a classic novel that has been adapted many times over, please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler for the rest of the book or for other media related to this novel! Please mark all spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Links of Note:

• Goodreads page
• Storygraph page
• Rockingham Castle and Mr. & Mrs. Richard Watson: Dickens dedicated this novel to the Watsons (link has minor spoilers for Bleak House)
• A David Copperfield Map (zoom in to click on individual locations - beware of potential spoilers, though)
• Get your own Dickens character name! Use this automatic generator or go by your birthday.

Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 1 - I Am Born: David Copperfield launches into the retelling of his life story with that famous line that questions whether he or someone else will turn out to be the hero of his life…but we’ll just have to read the whole thing to find out! Immediately we are let in on the unusual circumstances of David’s birth, which is suffused with superstition, causing the town gossips to speculate wildly. He was born on a Friday night near midnight, which of course means that he’ll have an unlucky life and be visited by ghosts and spirits. (I mean, would this even be a Victorian novel without some ghosts? David assures us that he’s yet to be haunted, though.) He was also born with a caul (inside the amniotic sac) which means he’ll be safe from drowning. This is apparently such great news that they advertise the caul for sale after his birth, but only get one hit on Victorian Craigslist, so they hang onto it until they can put it up for a raffle several years later. David says he remembers that raffle and found it super weird to watch a piece of himself get sold off, which, fair! He does note that the old lady who won the caul died in bed and not by drowning, so I suppose it was worth it?
Anyway, back to David’s birth! His father had been dead for six months on the night of his birth, and his mother was a terrified teenager living alone with Peggoty, her servant-girl, so called because they share the same first name. One Friday afternoon in March, his mother was hanging out by the fire and pondering the likelihood of dying in childbirth, when a formidable woman named Betsey Trotwood showed up at her door. Miss Betsey was his father’s aunt and she loved Mr. Copperfield, but hated her abusive husband, who she paid off to go to India and leave her alone. It worked - he died there! On the night in question, Miss Betsey literally pokes her nose into Mrs. Copperfield’s window and then demands that the pregnant lady get up to let her in. Being a force of nature, she takes charge of the room right away, criticizing the Copperfields’ choice of home (a rookery with no birds?) and making somewhat disparaging remarks about Mrs. Copperfield’s history as an orphan and a nanny. She also declares that the baby will be a girl and demands to be the godmother and namesake so the new Betsey Trotwood (Copperfield) can undo all the mistakes of Great Aunt Betsey’s life. Mrs. Copperfield goes into labor and Miss Betsey stays by the fire, plugging up her ears with cotton. She spends some time mildly abusing Ham Peggoty (the servant’s nephew who was hanging around the house to carry emergency messages) and generally ignoring the doctor. Said doctor, Mr. Chillip, is a gentle man but speaks so slowly that Miss Betsey almost throttles him. When he congratulates her on the birth of a BOY, she smacks him upside the head with her bonnet and leaves immediately, never to darken the Copperfields’ door again! Welcome to the world, David!
Chapter 2 - I Observe: David Copperfield relates some of his early impressions of life: his memories of creepy pantries, stuffy parlors, boring church services, and a loving home. His mother is young and beautiful in these memories, and Peggoty is beautiful to him in her own way (though she insists she is not). One day, Davy's mom shows up with a stranger who walks her home and - gasp! - touches her hand! Davy immediately dislikes this black-bearded, dead-eyed interloper and Peggoty seems to like him even less. He falls asleep while his mother is swooning over her new admirer, but when he wakes up his mom and Peggoty are having a big fight. Peggoty says the new man is bad news and Mr. Copperfield would never approve, while Davy's mom says Peggoty is being unfair and heartless. When all she does is sacrifice for Davy, doesn't she deserve some attention and excitement?! All three of them end up crying, and things are never quite the same between the trio again.
Davy's mom continues to see this man, Mr. Murdstone, who rides up one day and invites Davy to take a little trip with him to see a yacht. Peggoty gets him ready in a huff, and you can just tell this is the Victorian era version of riding on the irresponsible boyfriend's motorcycle without a helmet. Davy gets to meet some friends of Mr. Murdstone and watch them do a bunch of paperwork on the yacht. They also make fun of him, comment on how hot his mom is, and make him drink brandy. Since Davy is a little kid, he thinks they're having a grand time. When he later tells his mom they complimented her looks, she is quite thrilled. And then a few months later, Peggoty invites Davy to go with her to visit her brother for a fortnight. She talks up the trip so Davy will be excited, but it's clear she's worried. Davy wonders how his mom will fare all alone, but Peggoty assures him she will stay with a neighbor. (Lies!) Mr. Murdstone is there to see them off and he has … opinions … about how emotional Davy's mom is during the goodbyes. I'm with Davy when he wonders why it's any of this guy's business in the first place. In retrospect, Davy reflects that he wishes he had known he was leaving something behind forever and he is glad that he and his mom had a touching moment full of love as his carriage pulled away.
Chapter 3 - I Have a Change: Davy endures a very boring journey across flat countryside towards the sea to get to Peggoty’s family in Yarmouth. When Davy complains, Peggoty defends her hometown, as a proud Yarmouth Bloater. (Here's some bonus reading: a Victorian-era article about bloaters.) Davy is won over when they reach the busy fishing town and he gets to see the Peggoty home: it is a boat that has been converted for living, and he thinks it is pretty perfect. It turns out to be a full house due to the generous nature of Mr. Peggoty (original Peggoty's brother). Just don't mention said generosity because it makes him super mad. Mr. Peggoty has taken in the orphaned children - Ham and Em'ly - of his drowned brothers, as well as Mrs. Gummidge, the widow of his fishing partner. Davy's fortnight with the Peggotys is full of happiness. He explores the seashore with Em'ly and falls in love with her. They bond over never knowing their dads, although Em'ly wishes she were a lady in the same class as Davy. Davy reflects that given what he knows of her future life, it might've been better if Em'ly drowned that day by the sea. Dark! Mrs. Gummidge often has melancholy moods where she cries all day and declares she has it worse than everyone else, but the family kindly chalks it up to mourning for her husband and assures her they don't want her to go off to the poorhouse and die.
As the visit draws to a close, Davy realizes he has quite forgotten to miss his home and becomes eager to see his mother and Blunderstone Rookery. Yet when they arrive, Peggoty pulls him into the kitchen nervously. She really botches the delivery of her big news because Davy first thinks his mother may have died and then, when she tells him he has a dad, imagines Mr. Copperfield may have risen from the dead. But she brings him to the parlor to greet his new step-dad: it's Mr. Murdstone, of course. Mr. Murdstone proves himself to be a real downer, kicking things off by correcting Davy's mom (who we discover is named Clara) for jumping up too enthusiastically at her son’s arrival. Davy sneaks away to find that his house has completely changed and the yard has acquired a mean, black dog that snaps at him.
Chapter 4 - I Fall Into Disgrace: Davy has fallen asleep crying after the discovery of his mother’s marriage, and when Clara and Peggoty wake him, his mom blames both Peggoty and Davy for his despair. Mr. Murdstone comes up and dismisses them both so he can be alone with Davy. He explains that if he had a stubborn animal, he’d beat it until it obeyed, strongly implying that Davy had better change his attitude or else. Things get pretty grim for Davy after this. He is kept isolated from both his family and neighborhood children. Mr. Murdstone’s sister, Jane, comes to live with them and immediately takes over Blunderstone. Clara is given no say in household matters: even the keys are kept by Miss Murdstone and, when Clara protests and weeps at being pushed aside, the Murdstones manipulate her into apologies and submission. When the family goes to church, Peggoty is no longer invited and the Murdstones keep Davy and his mother apart; Davy also notices that the family seems to be the subject of much whispering and staring from the community.
Davy’s days are miserable. He is often locked up alone in his room, where he loses himself in his father’s old stash of novels and uses this escape as a survival mechanism. (This collection of novels was taken straight from Dickens’ own childhood, according to his biographer John Forster.) When allowed out of his room, Davy endures lengthy, difficult lessons in the parlor. He suspects the lessons are meant as much to teach his mom the Murdstone tradition of firmness tyranny as they are to educate him. No matter how hard Davy tries, he cannot seem to remember the lessons under such severe supervision. Davy is belittled as stupid for his mistakes and boxed on the ears with his books by Mr. Murdstone. When Clara tries to help Davy at one point, Miss Murdstone catches her, and both Clara and Davy are in a good deal of trouble. Clara is chastised, Davy is removed from the room, and the next day’s lessons are overseen by Mr. Murdstone with a cane and switches. This goes about as well as you would imagine: in his terror, Davy makes more mistakes than ever and is dragged from the room by Mr. Murdstone. To her credit, Clara does protest and try to run after them (unsuccessfully). Mr. Murdstone wields his cane and switches, but Davy bites his hand in an attempt to wriggle away. He then beats Davy severely and leaves him locked in his room for five days. During his imprisonment, Davy sees only Miss Murdstone who brings him meager meals and allows him short walks in the garden each morning and family prayers in the evening, before locking him away again. At the end of this punishment, which feels like years to Davy, Peggoty sneaks to his room to whisper through the keyhole that he will be sent to boarding school in the morning. She tells him his mother isn’t very angry with him, only disappointed, and begs him to remember her and her love for him. She promises to look after Clara and they both vow to write to each other. Davy asks to be remembered to Em’ly and the other Peggotys.
The next morning, his mother expresses her disappointment in his behavior and her hope that boarding school will reform him; Davy seems to realize she has been coached to believe the worst of him. He chokes down a little breakfast before his coach arrives, and Clara steals one unsupervised moment with him to say goodbye affectionately. Then, they are parted, and Davy is on his way to boarding school. It’ll surely be a harmonious and supportive learning environment. Right? Right?!?
Chapter Five - I Am Sent Away From Home: Mr. Barkis, the carrier driving Davy on the first leg of his journey to school, pulls over not too far away from the house. Who should appear out of the bushes but Peggoty! She silently hugs Davy until she pops some buttons of her dress (one of which Davy keeps), hands him some cakes, and slips him a note from his mother that includes two half-crowns. Davy shares a pastry with Mr. Barkis, who asks a lot of questions about Peggoty’s relationship status and cooking skills. He asks Davy to write Mr. Barkis is willin’ in one of his letters to Peggoty, which Davy does at the next stop. As he waits in Yarmouth for the stagecoach to London, Davy eats lunch at a hotel restaurant where he is grifted by the waiter. This unscrupulous man tricks Davy into giving him his ale, most of his food, and some of his money. The rumor goes around that Davy has the appetite of a boa constrictor, making him too nervous to eat at the next stop for supper. Wedged between two men and with a woman’s luggage stuffed underneath him, Davy spends an uncomfortable night in the stagecoach as it approaches London. He finds it strange the next morning, after all the snoring and moaning he witnessed, that the adults insist they were unable to sleep a wink!
Upon arriving at the station in London, there is no one to collect him. Waiting in the office, Davy begins to worry that he will be turned out of the station at night, run out of money and starve, get lost walking home, or have to offer himself as a soldier or sailor (though he knows he is too small for that). Finally, a rather scrawny man - who Davy assumes is the Master of Salem House School - arrives and takes Davy the rest of the way. Weak from lack of food and sleep, Davy begs to stop so he can buy breakfast, and the man takes him to the home of a poor woman (presumably his mother) to cook the provisions they purchase. The man plays the flute very badly as Davy begins to eat, but soon Davy has fallen asleep. He wakes to hear comments of “delicious” which he assumes refers to the man’s music, but I bet indicates they were eating Davy’s breakfast. They continue on to Salem House, where a man with a wooden leg lets them in and throws old boots at Davy’s escort, who turns out to be Mr. Mell, an employee of Mr. Creakle, the school proprietor. Salem House is dilapidated, dirty, and deserted. Davy wonders where everyone is and Mr. Mell informs him that Davy has been sent to school during the holidays as punishment. Another punishment: Davy must wear a sign on his back identifying him as a biter, which makes him increasingly paranoid that someone is always behind him reading it. (Probably not.) He also worries that the students, whose names he can read carved in the doorpost, will all make fun of him for it when they return. (Probably true!) Mr. Mell, an odd man with various ticks, doesn’t pay much attention to Davy, but neither is he mean. We get another ominous reference to the future in that Davy says he dreads the return of boys like J. Steerforth and the presence of “the awful Mr. Creakle”.

Tired of looking but anyway,
Hello,
I am a roleplayer for 4 years and a writer for a long time. I consider myself literate that can write 3-5 paragraphs minimum, depending on the situation. I always make sure to deliver a quality reply to my partners, so I would appreciate someone who does the same. I also love chatting and brainstorming with my partners out of rp, not a fan of roleplayers who make it seem like business.
What am I looking for in a roleplayer? 1. You must be semi-literate/high-literate. As I stated, I only deliver what’s best and would like my partner to do the same, i’m not that strict with grammar but would appreciate at least 2-4 paragraphs of reply. However, I understand that it vary from situations. 2. I prefer active writers. I don’t care about timezones and I do understand that we have some other things to do outside rp but I’d appreciate someone who can reply at least thrice or more a day. 3. Someone who roleplays using OCs and writes in third person.
Plot Ideas that I would love to work on: College Life (I literally have a huge plot for this one that I yet need to polish) Arranged Marriage Fantasy World/Low Fantasy Slice of Life Formula 1 Enemies to Lovers trope
I would also love to read your ideas and plots, those are just some choices i’ve given which are not limited to that. Don’t send me a short message, as I would automatically ignore those. Introduce yourself and send me your BEST sample of writing. Looking forward to hearing from any of you!

Synopsis:
An engineer from earth blends science and magic to achieve greatness in another world where skills and levels reign supreme.
—
Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger. — What to Expect:
- Weak to very strong progression with a Sword & Magic MC that kicks a whole lotta ass. - Fast pacing. A balance of action galore, politics, kingdom building, and slow-burn runecrafting. - Fun, satisfying moments. An extra shot of happiness when reading. Hardcore wish fulfillment. Hyper competent MC. - MC will trigger an industrial revolution, abolish slavery, revolutionize magic, modernize agriculture, communication, commerce, textile production, education, transportation, sanitation, weapons manufacturing, leisure & entertainment, and medicine. - Dark truths of a medieval-esque society going under change.
Join my Discord Server to have chat, bother me, ask me questions, or just genuine fun really - https://discord.gg/d57v5upvcx
First < Previous Next >

Chapter 10

Ethan surveyed the men before him, schooling his expression. Cedric was one of his advisors, a lean man, taller than the average in Holden, and wiry, but with the unmistakable long and callused fingers of someone well skilled with a bow. It was odd to see such features, but Ethan wasn’t one to point it out or talk about it. A perpetual worried crease etched between his brows; he shuffled a stack of parchments.
Beside him, Roland stood with a hand on the pommel of his sword—a habit Ethan had grown accustomed to. Leaning back, Ethan opened his mouth.
“Alright, gentlemen. Let’s get through this.”
Cedric cleared his throat. “First, my lord, the harvest report.” He unfolded the top parchment. “The rains were late this year, my lord. We’re looking at a significant shortfall in barley and oats.”
Ethan frowned. “Roland,” he switched focus. “The scouting report on the bandits? Has Sir Thomas revealed something? What about the brigands?”
“Sir Thomas has been tight-lipped. The brigands have been bolder, my lord. Spotted them harassing farmsteads near Holden’s western border.
“Have we identified the culprits?”
“No, my Lord. But they seem organized, well-equipped. Too well-equipped, I might say.”
Ethan drummed his fingers on the desk. This wasn’t your typical ragtag group of cutthroats, that much was clear. “Some sort of a group, then.”
“Yes.”
“Mobilize a patrol. Set a few archers down range. Kill the bandits on sight, we can’t have them acting bolder.”
Roland nodded, his chin bobbing, face emotionless.
“Any other news? Have we received word from the neighboring barons regarding the proposed trade agreement?” Ethan asked.
“Yes, my lord. Sir Jack informed me that one of his ravens returned this morning; he says they spotted two men bearing the crest of the crown—”
“Tax collectors,” Ethan interrupted. “They should already be in Siez by now, then.”
Siez was a city two weeks’ ride from Holden.
“Well then, we must do something about the harvest,” Ethan murmured. He had some ideas, but all of them would require money.
“As for trade... Everyone has denied, like usual. Lord Ashton has been with Holden since Lord Baelgard’s death, but even he appears hesitant now. Cites concerns about the quality of our goods.”
“Hmm. Excuses.” Ethan sighed. “He doesn’t want to work with us anymore. He’s likely receiving pressure; I don’t blame him. I’ve offended quite a lot of nobles in my... teen years.”
Ethan cleared his throat. “We’ll send another sample,” Ethan decided, his voice firm. “Along with a personal letter outlining the benefits of trade with Holden, only this time, including soap; I’m sure he’ll latch onto the opportunity if he has some foresight.”
Ashton was playing politics, but they couldn’t afford to alienate their only potential trading partner.
The rest of the morning was spent in a similar vein—discussing minor squabbles amongst the populace, a few dead bodies that were reported, potential repairs needed on the crumbling town walls, and other matters regarding Holden.
***
Ethan entered the space sectioned off by iron grills inside the quarantined house in the outskirts of Holden. Covering his in a mask, he stepped over the grills, into the open hall with rows of beds lining both sides. He was here to take a look at the patients and if they were getting treated. They were. Undoubtedly. Some even showed signs of recovery. They stood up spotting him, then bowed.
“Lord Theodore! What an honor!” A woman said, then burst into tears holding onto her daughter’s hand. “Thank you for letting me live, Lord.” She sobbed as she buried her face on the sleeping child.
Ethan frowned, feeling uncomfortable. They hadn’t gone past their third stages of the disease. They weren’t even on their second one. That was why it’d been easier to treat them.
“Yes, my lord,” a man joined them, speaking. “You’re the only noble that’s spared us peasants a glance. Truly, thank you.”
Feeling even more uncomfortable, Ethan gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I only hope you all get better.”
They smiled as he smiled back through the mask. Ethan quickly made his way out, then furrowed his brows as he met Miller outside. “Miller, why have you not pulled out those that have recovered? Letting them stay inside would only get them infected again or cause their condition to worsen.”
Miller’s face turned white. “My—my lord, but—but we cannot just remove them!” He took a deep breath. “If we let them go, they could infect others in Holden. If those infected catch wind of their neighbors recovering, wouldn’t they try to force their way into quarantine just to get healed and recover?” His eyes turned shifty, showing some sort of apprehension and panic.
Ethan glared. “Miller, you’re smart, are you not?” He narrowed his eyes. “Get them out of here, as soon as possible. I ordered everyone infected be brought in, logistics be damned! I’m paying it out of my pockets! You need not worry about those that might be infected. What do you even mean? We’re constantly on the lookout, if we found someone, they’d be here already.”
“Yes, about that, my lord,” Miller said nervously, looking away. “People fear. Many would rather stay quiet than let others know if they’re infected. Plus, it’s easier said than done. My men would get attacked. Anyone can get killed easily, they’re not Classed. or a large horde of desperate people might push forward in an instant.”
Ethan didn’t say anything. Gulping, Miller continued.
“And, my men are too few. There are not enough men to patrol and get the affected. Not to mention people would riot against it, fearing their loved ones are getting slaughtered for some ritual and that there’s no salvation. Especially given that a few dead bodies have been found recently,” Miller bowed, swallowed. “Forgive me for saying this, my lord, but people do not trust you.”
Miller slumped against his chair, staring at the ceiling. Ethan silently took his seat, thinking over what Miller had said. In the end, he could only sigh. “Get every infected here, do not worry about aurums.” It costed a lot of money—aurums—to get people treated. However, it wasn’t that much. Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Ethan changed the subject. “Miller,” Ethan said. “How’re tests going?”
Miller frowned, a finger on his chin as he hummed thoughtfully. “We’ve encountered an issue; mostly with the later stage tainted. We’d expected it, too, however, we need some kind of a solution.”
“What issue?”
“Their skin is rotting; we cannot just have them use soap and hot water to keep clean. There needs to be something to address their wounds directly, first.” Miller sighed. “A [Healer], perhaps. But they’re expensive, my Lord. I am not sure if that is what you would want. Not to mention, another issue is that Sir Jack has yet to build something he calls nexus—he says you would know what that is. He’s currently using himself as said nexus, but says he would need to talk to you on that matter later to figure out some solution.”
“Is that so?” Ethan hummed, reclining back into his chair. Hiring a [Healer] would indeed be a pain. He was already paying Jack quite the sum each day, not to mention the [Beast Tamer] he’d had to hire to take care of Wynd. If he were to hire a [Healer] now, it would make a dent on his pockets that he wouldn’t be able to recover from. Not to mention, he needed to worry more about the financial situation now—the tax collectors would be arriving sooner or later, and the Merchants Guild would want their debt paid with interest. He couldn’t be stuck in a rut of indebtedness forever.
That said, soap would be excellent for the majority of the populace, the only time there would be an issue would be when someone’s already at the stage where their flesh starts to rot. If there were something, he had to consider it*... Are there alternatives?*
Unlikely.
Ethan took a breath, then leaned back into his chair, steepling his hands. What do I currently need?
Money. Money would solve a lot of his issues. Ethan hummed, stood up, then turned on his heel and walked out. Before getting out, however, he looked over his shoulder. “Tell Jack to keep working on updating the base spell. Make it more efficient, if possible. Leave the rest to me.”
I’ll figure something out...
He needed to—he wanted to.
Roland stood outside the carriage, and as he saw Ethan approaching, he turned to him. “My Lord.”
“Roland, let’s go,” Ethan said, grabbing the carriage’s handle, pulling the door open, and climbing inside. “We have work to do.”
“As you wish, my Lord.”
Reclined against the cushioned seat of the carriage, Ethan hummed. The solution to getting more money was rather simple.
My masterpiece needs to hit the market. Ethan smiled.
***
Ethan settled into a routine; he’d wake up with the first rays of sunlight filtering through his window. He’d stretch, and feel the satisfying pops in his back before heading outside to find Wynd already waiting for him, tail wagging excitedly. They’d take a brisk run through the dewy field. Ethan would spend a good hour playing with Wynd. The [Beast Tamer] Grandma Millie had a natural connection with Wynd, and Ethan was learning to understand how to handle a wolf under her guidance. Ethan knew that Wynd wasn’t quite a normal magical beast, heck, he was sure that Wynd would sooner or later hit some kind of magical puberty that’ll sky rocket his intelligence and allow him to speak or whatever, but regardless of everything, learning how to handle him was a good move. He was, after all, quite like a pet right now.
Regardless, he’d practice the [Elemental Spells] he knew: fire and water.
One day, he finally leveled it up.
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 9 -> Lvl 10!
Warning: Level cap for [Elemental Spells] reached; satisfy the conditions to upgrade [Elemental Spells].
Interesting. Ethan thought, rubbing his chin. However, given that there was no information, he was confused so as to how to satisfy said conditions. I will figure it out, he shrugged, for now, I need to learn the other elements first.
Aside from that particular day’s highlight, his routine would continue as usual. After a satisfying breakfast, it would be time to get down to business. He’d perfected the basic soap recipe, and now it was time to ramp up production. With the success in making the first batch of soap, and the thought of making money, quick, in his mind, he’d started working extra hard to get more soap made. He found himself busier than ever. He’d sit in there for hours and create rune motes after rune motes. One by one, they’d materialize on top of his palms, swirling tiny fireflies.
Just like usual, one particular day, he was creating rune motes.
Ten… twenty… thirty… his brow furrowed in concentration.
Forty… fifty… and then, sixty rune motes. [Basic Rune Creation] skill leveled up, too, and a satisfied grin spread across his face the two times it did level up.
[Basic Rune Creation] – Lvl 5 -> Lvl 6!
[Basic Rune Creation] – Lvl 6 -> Lvl 7!
The number of motes he could create and the speed at which he did it had noticeably improved after each level. It drained his mana reserves daily. He’d often find himself with a dull ache behind his eyes, but he’d pushed on regardless, ignoring the beginnings of a headache and sometimes it’d blow into a full-blown migraine due to his stubbornness.
One such afternoon, as he slumped, massaging his temples, an idea struck him.
“Meditation,” he murmured. Perhaps focusing his mind inward, like calming a churning lake, could help manage his mana pool. It was usually like that in those novels he used to read back in middle school.
The first few days were frustrating. He sat cross-legged on a cushion, eyes closed, trying to clear his mind, but his thoughts kept flitting back to the ever-growing pile of soap base and the dwindling supply of rune motes (Jack hadn’t disappointed him, after all; the man was fast and his money’s worth, if not more. In fact, Ethan found it harder to keep up). Just as he was getting frustrated, a warmth bloomed within him, a gentle hum that resonated deep within something he could only describe as a core. He cracked open his eyes, a surprised gasp escaping his lips.
A notification appeared before him.
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The Characteristics Of Al-Mu’tasim
Foolishness
Al-Mu’tasim was foolish. Historians described him that when he became angry, he did not care whom he killed or what he did.
Dislike Of Knowledge
Al-Mu’tasim disliked knowledge and hated learned people. There was a servant with him who read with him in the book. The servant died and ar-Rasheed said to al-Mu'tasim, ‘O Muhammad, your servant died.’ Al-Mu'tasim said, ‘O yes, my master! He died and rested from the book.’ Ar-Rasheed said, ‘The book will rest from you. (to his men) Leave him! Do not teach him!’ Al-Mu'tasim remained illiterate. When he became the caliph, he did not know reading and writing and his vizier was unlearned. Ahmed bin Aamir described him by saying, ‘An illiterate caliph and an unlearned vizier.’3 He was divested of knowledge, virtue, and any good quality, by which he was supposed to deserve the caliphate in Islam that was the highest and most important position on which justice and equity among people depended. Al-Mu'tasim’s heart was full of spite and malice against Imam al- Jawad (a.s). He burst with rage whenever he heard the virtues and exploits of Imam al-Jawad (a.s) being mentioned. His envy towards him had led him to assassinate him as we shall explain later on.
Bringing Imam Al-Jawad To Baghdad
Al-Mu'tasim had ordered Imam al-Jawad (a.s) to come to Baghdad and he arrived in it in Muharram, 220 AH.9 When Imam al-Jawad (a.s) came to Baghdad, al-Mu'tasim house- arrested him to know all his affairs and activities. He ordered his men to watch him and he prevented him from connecting with his followers and those who believed in his imamate. Mu'tasim ordered Umm al-Fadhl to poison the Imam, and her brother Ja'far ibn Ma'mun, the accursed one, also helped and provoked her. she poisonedn bunch of grapes, and placed it in front of him. When the Imam had eaten from it, she regretted and went on to cry. He-asws said: ‘What makes you cry? By Allah-azwj! May Allah-azwj Strike you with sterility not to be restored, and affliction which cannot be veiled!’ She died in an illness, a hole appeared in the most covered of places of her body parts (private part). She spent her wealth and entirety of what she had owned, upon that illness, to the extent that she became needy to be nourished. And it is reported that the hole was in her private part. The accursed Umm al-Fadhl also contracted leprosy and descended into Hell in disgrace in the desert, and the dogs tore her body apart.
hemlock poison, whose characteristic was that it made the blessed feet of the Imam so heavy that he could no longer walk, and it made the Imam extremely thirsty, such that like his forefather Imam al Husayn a.s he said: 'Al-Atash, al-Atash' (The thirst, the thirst)... The wicked Umm al-Fadhl ordered the maids to beat drums and tambourines and dance so that his voice would not reach anyone's ears. Finally, Imam Jawad, peace be upon him, was martyred in loneliness on the dirt of his room while in exile. For three days, his blessed body remained on the rooftop of the house, and after that, Umm al-Fadhl threw the pure body down from the roof to the ground. The Shias took the blessed corpse and buried it on the 2nd of Dhu al-Hijjah in the presence of Imam al Hadi, peace be upon him.
‘When allegiance was pledged to Al-Mutasim, he went on to check his situation. He wrote to Abdul Malik Al-Zayyat to dispatch to him Al-Taqi-asws and Umm Fazl. Al-Zayyat dispatched Ali Bin Yaqteen to him-asws. He-asws prepared and went out to Baghdad. He honoured him-asws, and revered him-asws, and sent Ashnas bearing the gifts to him-asws and to Umm Al-Fazl Then he sent a drink of citron juice to him-asws under his seal upon the hands of Ashnas. He said, ‘Commander of the faithful has got Ahmad Bin Abu Dawood, and Saeed Bin Al-Khaeyb, and a group from the well-known people to taste it, and he orders you-asws to drink from it with the water of snow, and he has made it just now, and he says, ‘Drink it at night’. He-asws said: ‘It is beneficial (when) cold, and the snow has melted’. And he insisted upon that, so he-asws drank it knowing of their deeds. (The book) ‘Al Manaqib’ of Ibn Shehr Ashub –V4 p 416
وَ لَمَّا بُويِعَ الْمُعْتَصِمُ جَعَلَ يَتَفَقَّدُ أَحْوَالَهُ فَكَتَبَ إِلَى عَبْدِ الْمَلِكِ الزَّيَّاتِ أَنْ يُنْفِذَ إِلَيْهِ التَّقِيَّ وَ أُمَّ الْفَضْلِ فَأَنْفَذَ ابْنُ الزَّيَّاتِ عَلِيَّ بْنَ يَقْطِينٍ إِلَيْهِ فَتَجَهَّزَ وَ خَرَجَ إِلَى بَغْدَادَ فَأَكْرَمَهُ وَ عَظَّمَهُ وَ أَنْفَذَ أُشْنَاسَ بِالتُّحَفِ إِلَيْهِ وَ إِلَى أُمِّ الْفَضْلِ ثُمَّ أَنْفَذَ إِلَيْهِ شَرَابَ حُمَّاضِ الْأُتْرُجِّ تَحْتَ خَتْمِهِ عَلَى يَدَيِ أُشْنَاسٍ وَ قَالَ إِنَّ أَمِيرَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ذَاقَهُ قِبَلَ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ أَبِي دَاوُدَ وَ سَعْدِ بْنِ الْخَصِيبِ وَ جَمَاعَةٍ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِينَ وَ يَأْمُرُكَ أَنْ تَشْرَبَ مِنْهَا بِمَاءِ الثَّلْجِ وَ صَنَعَ فِي الْحَالِ فَقَالَ اشْرَبْهَا بِاللَّيْلِ قَالَ إِنَّهَا يَنْفَعُ بَارِداً وَ قَدْ ذَابَ الثَّلْجُ وَ أَصَرَّ عَلَى ذَلِكَ فَشَرِبَهَا عَالِماً بِفِعْلِهِم « مناقب آل ابیطالب ج ۴ ص ۴۱۶، بحار الانوار ج ۵۰ ص ۸، منتهی الآمال ص ۱۸۰۵»
(The book) ‘Uyoon Al Mojizaat’ – ‘When Abu Ja’far-asws and his-asws wife, the daughter of Al-Mamoun went out as pilgrims, and Abu Al-Hassan-asws brought out his-asws son Ali-asws, and he-asws was young, he-asws left him-asws behind in Al-Medina, and submitted to him-asws the inheritances, and the weapons, and texted upon him-asws in the witnessing of his-asws trusted ones and his-asws companions, and he-asws left to go to Al-Iraq, and with him-asws was his-asws wife, daughter of Al-Mamoun. And Al-Mamoun had gone out to a city of Rome, and he died at Al-Badeyroun during Rajab of the year two hundred and eighteen, and that was during the sixteenth year from the Imamate of Abu Ja’far-asws. And Al-Mutasim Abu Is’haq Muhammad Bin Haroun was pledge allegiance to during Shaman of the year two hundred and eighteen. Then Al-Mutasim went on to plot in killing Abu Ja’far-asws, and indicated to his-asws wife, the daughter of Al-Mamoun, that she should poison him, because he was aware of her turning away from Abu Ja’far-asws, and the intensity of her jealousy upon him-azwj due to his-asws preferring the mother-as of his-asws son-asws Abu Al-Hassan-asws over her, and because she was not graced with any child from him-asws. She answer him to that and went on to poison in a bunch of grapes, and she placed it in front of him. When he-asws had eaten from it, she regretted and went on to cry. He-asws said: ‘What makes you cry? By Allah-azwj! May Allah-azwj Strike you with sterility not to be restored, and affliction which cannot be veiled!’ She died in an illness, a hole appeared in the most covered of places of her body parts (private part). She spent her wealth and entirety of what she had owned, upon that illness, to the extent that she became needy to be nourished. And it is reported that the hole was in her private part. And he-asws passed away during the year two hundred and twenty from the Hijrah during the day of Tuesday of the fifth (day) vacant from Zil Hijjah, and for him-asws were twenty-four years and some months, because heasws was blessed (to his-asws parents-asws) in the year one hundred and ninety-five
Bihar Al Anwaar – V 50, The book of History – Muhammad Bin Ali-asws, Ch 1 H 26
لَمَّا خَرَجَ أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ عليهالسلام وَ زَوْجَتُهُ ابْنَةُ الْمَأْمُونِ حَاجّاً وَ خَرَجَ أَبُو الْحَسَنِ عَلِيٌّ ابْنُهُ عليهالسلام وَ هُوَ صَغِيرٌ فَخَلَّفَهُ فِي الْمَدِينَةِ وَ سَلَّمَ إِلَيْهِ الْمَوَارِيثَ وَ السِّلَاحَ وَ نَصَّ عَلَيْهِ بِمَشْهَدِ ثِقَاتِهِ وَ أَصْحَابِهِ وَ انْصَرَفَ إِلَى الْعِرَاقِ وَ مَعَهُ زَوْجَتُهُ ابْنَةُ الْمَأْمُونِ وَ كَانَ خَرَجَ الْمَأْمُونُ إِلَى بِلَادِ الرُّومِ فَمَاتَ بالبديرون فِي رَجَبٍ سَنَةَ ثَمَانَ عَشْرَةَ وَ مِائَتَيْنِ وَ ذَلِكَ فِي سِتَّ عَشْرَةَ سَنَةً مِنْ إِمَامَةِ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍعليهالسلام وَ بُويِعَ الْمُعْتَصِمُ أَبُو إِسْحَاقَ مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ هَارُونَ فِي شَعْبَانَ مِنْ سَنَةِ ثَمَانَ عَشْرَةَ وَ مِائَتَيْنِ ثُمَّ إِنَّ الْمُعْتَصِمَ جَعَلَ يَعْمَلُ الْحِيلَةَ فِي قَتْلِ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍعليهالسلام وَ أَشَارَ عَلَى ابْنَةِ الْمَأْمُونِ زَوْجَتِهِ بِأَنْ تَسُمَّهُ لِأَنَّهُ وَقَفَ عَلَى انْحِرَافِهَا عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍعليهالسلام وَ شِدَّةِ غَيْرَتِهَا عَلَيْهِ لِتَفْضِيلِهِ أُمَّ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ ابْنِهِ عَلَيْهَا وَ لِأَنَّهُ لَمْ يُرْزَقْ مِنْهَا وَلَدٌ فَأَجَابَتْهُ إِلَى ذَلِكَ وَ جَعَلَتْ سَمّاً فِي عِنَبٍ رَازِقِيٍّ وَ وَضَعَتْهُ بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ فَلَمَّا أَكَلَ مِنْهُ نَدِمَتْ وَ جَعَلَتْ تَبْكِي فَقَالَ مَا بُكَاؤُكِ وَ اللَّهِ لَيَضْرِبَنَّكِ اللَّهُ بِعَقْرٍ لَا يَنْجَبِرُ وَ بَلَاءٍ لَا يَنْسَتِرُ فَمَاتَتْ بِعِلَّةٍ فِي أَغْمَضِ الْمَوَاضِعِ مِنْ جَوَارِحِهَا صَارَتْ نَاصُوراً فَأَنْفَقَتْ مَالَهَا وَ جَمِيعَ مَا مَلَكَتْهُ عَلَى تِلْكَ الْعِلَّةِ حَتَّى احْتَاجَتْ إِلَى الِاسْتِرْفَادِ وَ رُوِيَ أَنَّ النَّاصُورَ كَانَ فِي فَرْجِهَا وَ قُبِضَ عليهالسلام فِي سَنَةِ عِشْرِينَ وَ مِائَتَيْنِ مِنَ الْهِجْرَةِ فِي يَوْمِ الثَّلَاثَاءِ لِخَمْسٍ خَلَوْنَ مِنْ ذِي الْحِجَّةِ وَ لَهُ أَرْبَعٌ وَ عِشْرُونَ سَنَةً وَ شُهُورٌ لِأَنَّ مَوْلِدَهُ كَانَ فِي سَنَةِ خَمْسٍ وَ تِسْعِينَ وَ مِائَةٍ.. «
عيون المعجزات، ص ۱۲۹، اثبات الوصیه ۲۱۹، دلائل الامامیه ص ۳۹۵، بحار الانوار ج ۵۰ ص ۱۶؛ جلاءالعیون ص ۹۶۷، منتهی الآمال ص ۱۸۰۴»
Cause of Imam’s martyrdom
It is mentioned in Tafsir Ayyashi that a man named Zarqan was a close friend of Qadi Ibne Abi Dawud. He narrates: One day when Qadi Ibne Abi Dawud came to me, he was highly distraught. I asked him what the matter was and he told me in a plaintive tone, “Alas! If I had only passed away twenty years ago instead of being humiliated!” When I asked him to explain, he said, “Today, Abu Ja’far Muhammad Ibne Ali humiliated me in the presence of the chief of believers, Mutasim.” “What happened exactly?” I asked. “A thief came to the chief of believers and said: I am a thief. Please issue the Islamic penalty to me and purify from my sin.” Mutasim summoned all the jurists including Abu Ja’far Muhammad Taqi and asked us from where the hand should be chopped. I told him from the wrist. When the Caliph asked me for the proof, I said that the Quran has mentioned cutting off the hand of the thief and the word of ‘yad’ implies the hand from the wrist as mentioned in the verse of Tayammum: “…then wipe your faces and your hands…”Surah Nisa 4:43 And the whole nation has consensus that here the word of ‘yad’ implies the hand from the wrist. So it similarly applies for the thief as well and his hand must be cut from the wrist. For some time there was dispute among the jurists with regard to my verdict and some suggested that his hand should be cut off from the elbow relying on the verse of ablution: “…and your hands as far as the elbows…”Surah Maidah 5:6 After that Caliph Mutasim glanced at Imam Muhammad Taqi (a) and said, “Abu Ja’far, what is your opinion regarding this issue?” “The jurists of the community have mentioned their views; now what is the need of my opinion?” Inspite of his reluctance, the Caliphate insisted. He said, “If you are insisting so much; then listen: all the jurists have erred and issued a verdict that is opposed to the Sunnah. The Islamic legal penalty for the thief is that his four fingers must be cut off from the root leaving his palm intact.” “What is your reasoning for that? Mutasim asked. “It is the statement of Messenger of Allah (s) that during prostration (Sajdah) comprises placing the following seven parts of the body on the floor: forehead, both hands, both knees and toes of both feet. If the hand is amputed from the wrist how that person would perform Sajdah? Whereas Almighty Allah has mentioned in Surah Jinn: “And the places of prostration are Allah’s…”Surah Jinn 72:18 It implies the parts placed in Sajdah. “…therefore call not upon any one with Allah.”Surah Jinn 72:18 That is along with those places of prostration do not include anyone else with Allah. Hence whatever comes into the ownership of Allah cannot be cut off.” Mutasim was highly impressed at this reasoning and he ruled that the fingers of that thief be cut off. I was shattered by this verdict and I wished that I had died before issuing such a judgment and facing such humiliation. Zarqan says: That same Qadi visited Mutasim after two days and said: I am here because of my concern for you and I also know that as a result of that my abode shall in Hell. “What do you mean?” asked Mutasim. Qadi said, “O chief of believers, when you gather the scholars and jurists in your court and inquire about their legal verdicts, at that time not only scholars are present, on the contrary, your family members, ministers and your scribes etc are also present and later on these reports are circulated all over the country. But last time you really did something extraordinary! Ignoring the views of all the scholars and jurists of the Ummah, you adopted the verdict of Abu Ja’far. Whereas you should have taken into consideration the fact that from before also a large number of people from the nation believe in his Imamate and they imagine that you have usurped power that was rightfully Abu Ja’far’s. In spite of that you overlooked the verdicts of all the jurists and applied his opinion. This would weaken the foundations of your rule.” Mutasim’s became terribly infuriated and he said, “You have rendered a good advice; may God give you a good reward.” After that the Caliph ordered his minister to invite Abu Ja’far for dinner and poison the food. So that minister invited the Imam for dinner, but the Imam excused himself. The minister said, “We have only invited you for dinner, so that your presence would bring auspiciousness from God and so and so ministers of the Caliph would also like to meet you.” Finally the Imam attended the dinner and then realized that the food was poisoned. He asked them for the mount in order to return, but the host said, “Why the haste? Please stay some more.” Imam said, “It is better that I leave your place and go home.” After that he was in severe pain for a day and then finally passed away Tafsir Ayyashi, Vol. 1, Pg. 319; Biharul Anwar, Vol. 50, Pg. 5.
: الشيخ محمد بن مسعود العيّاشي في تفسيره:
باسناده عن زرقان صاحب ابن أبي داود و صديقه بشدّة قال: رجع ابن أبي داود ذات يوم من عند المعتصم و هو مغتمّ، فقلت له في ذلك، فقال:
وددت اليوم أنّي قدمت منذ عشرين سنة! قال: قلت له: و لم ذاك؟ قال:
لما كان هذا من الأسود! أبي جعفر محمّد بن عليّ بن موسى- (عليهم السلام)- اليوم بين يدي أمير المؤمنين [المعتصم] .
قال: قلت له: و كيف كان ذلك؟
قال: إنّ سارقا أقرّ على نفسه بالسرقة، و سأل الخليفة تطهيره بإقامة الحدّ عليه، فجمع لذلك الفقهاء في مجلسه، و قد أحضر محمد بن عليّ- (عليهما السلام)-، فسألنا عن القطع في أيّ موضع يجب أن يقطع؟ قال:
فقلت: من الكرسوع، قال: و ما الحجّة في ذلك؟ قال: قلت: لأنّ اليد هي الأصابع و الكفّ إلى الكرسوع، لقول اللّه في التيمّم: فَامْسَحُوا بِوُجُوهِكُمْ وَ أَيْدِيكُمْ [ النساء: 43.]، و اتّفق معي على ذلك قوم.
و قال آخرون: بل يجب القطع من المرفق، قال: و ما الدليل على ذلك؟ قالوا: لأنّ اللّه لمّا قال: وَ أَيْدِيَكُمْ إِلَى الْمَرافِقِ [المائدة: 6] في الغسل دلّ ذلك أنّ حدّ اليد هو المرفق، قال: فالتفت الي محمد بن عليّ- (عليه السلام)- فقال: ما تقول في هذا يا أبا جعفر؟ فقال: قد تكلّم القوم فيه يا أمير المؤمنين [قال: دعني ممّا تكلّموا به، أيّ شيء عندك؟ قال: اعفني عن هذا يا أمير المؤمنين] قال: أقسمت عليك باللّه [لما أخبرت بما عندك فيه، فقال- (عليه السلام)-: أمّا إذا أقسمت عليّ باللّه] إنّي أقول: إنّهم أخطئوا فيه السنّة، فانّ القطع يجب أن يكون من مفصل اصول الأصابع، فيترك الكفّ، قال: و ما الحجّة في ذلك؟
قال: قول رسول اللّه- (صلّى اللّه عليه و آله)-: «السجود على سبعة أعضاء الوجه و اليدين و الركبتين و الرجلين»، فإذا قطعت يده من الكرسوع أو المرفق لم يبق له يد يسجد عليها، و قد قال اللّه تعالى: وَ أَنَّ الْمَساجِدَ لِلَّهِ- يعني به هذه الأعضاء السبعة التي يسجد عليها- فَلا تَدْعُوا مَعَ اللَّهِ أَحَداً الجنّ: 18. و ما كان للّه لم يقطع، قال: فأعجب المعتصم ذلك، و أمر بقطع يد السارق من مفصل الأصابع دون الكفّ.
قال ابن أبي داود: قامت قيامتي و تمنّيت أنّي لم أك [حيّا] قال زرقان: إنّ ابن أبي داود قال: صرت إلى المعتصم بعد ثالثة ، فقلت: إنّ نصيحة أمير المؤمنين عليّ واجبة، و أنا اكلّمه بما أعلم أنّي أدخل به النار، قال: و ما هو؟ قلت: إذا جمع أمير المؤمنين في مجلسه فقهاء رعيّته و علمائهم لأمر واقع من امور الدين، فسألهم عن الحكم فيه فأخبروه بما عندهم من الحكم في ذلك، و قد حضر مجلسه [أهل بيته] و قوّاده و وزرائه و كتّابه، و قد تسامع الناس بذلك من وراء بابه، ثمّ يترك أقاويلهم كلّهم لقول رجل يقول شطر هذه الامّة بإمامته، و يزعمون أنّه أولى منه بمقامه، ثمّ يحكم بحكمه دون حكم الفقهاء؟!
قال: فتغيّر لونه و انتبه لما نبّهته له و قال: جزاك اللّه عن نصيحتك خيرا، قال: فأمر اليوم الرابع الامراء من كتّابه و وزرائه [4] بأن يدعوه إلى منزله، فدعاه فأبى أن يجيبه و قال: قد علمت أنّي لا أحضر مجالسكم.
فقال: إنّي إنّما أدعوك إلى الطعام، و احبّ أن تطأ ببابي و تدخل منزلي فأتبرّك بذلك، و قد أحبّ فلان بن فلان من وزراء الخليفة [لقائك] ، فصار إليه.
فلمّا طعم منها أحسّ السمّ، فدعا بدابّته فسأله ربّ المنزل أن يقيم، قال: خروجي من دارك خير لك، فلم يزل يومه ذلك و ليله في حلقه [في المصدر: في خلفه، و قال محقّق البحار: إنّ الصحيح في خلفة و هو بالكسر: الهيضة، و هي انطلاق البطن و القيء.] حتّى قبض- (عليه السلام)- تفسير العيّاشي: 1: 319 ح 109 و عنه البحار: 50/ 5 ح 7 و ج 79/ 190 ح 33 و ج 85/ 128 و الوسائل: 18/ 490 ح 5 و حلية الأبرار: 4/ 580 ح 2.
ـ أَحْمَدُ بْنُ إِدْرِيسَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ حَسَّانَ عَنْ أَبِي هَاشِمٍ الْجَعْفَرِيِّ قَالَ صَلَّيْتُ مَعَ ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فِي مَسْجِدِ الْمُسَيَّبِ وَصَلَّى بِنَا فِي مَوْضِعِ الْقِبْلَةِ سَوَاءً وَذُكِرَ أَنَّ السِّدْرَةَ الَّتِي فِي الْمَسْجِدِ كَانَتْ يَابِسَةً لَيْسَ عَلَيْهَا وَرَقٌ فَدَعَا بِمَاءٍ وَتَهَيَّأَ تَحْتَ السِّدْرَةِ فَعَاشَتِ السِّدْرَةُ وَأَوْرَقَتْ وَحَمَلَتْ مِنْ عَامِهَا.

1. Ahmad ibn Idris has narrated from from Muhammad ibn Hassa’n from abu Hashim Ali-Ja‘fari who has said the following. “Once I prayed with abu Ja‘far (a.s.) in the Mosque of Ali-Musayyib. He lead the prayer with us and as to the direction of Makka he stood up facing straight. He also has said that a berry tree that was in the Mosque had dried up and had no leaves. The Imam (a.s.) asked for water and prepared himself under that tree for prayer. The berry tree came alive with leaves and fruits in that year.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 10
ـ الْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُعَلَّى بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الله عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ قَالَ دَخَلْتُ عَلَى أَبِي الْحَسَنِ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فَقَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ حَدَثَ بِآلِ فَرَجٍ حَدَثٌ فَقُلْتُ مَاتَ عُمَرُ فَقَالَ الْحَمْدُ لله حَتَّى أَحْصَيْتُ لَهُ أَرْبَعاً وَعِشْرِينَ مَرَّةً فَقُلْتُ يَا سَيِّدِي لَوْ عَلِمْتُ أَنَّ هَذَا يَسُرُّكَ لَجِئْتُ حَافِياً أَعْدُو إِلَيْكَ قَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ أَ وَلا تَدْرِي مَا قَالَ لَعَنَهُ الله لِمُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ أَبِي قَالَ قُلْتُ لا قَالَ خَاطَبَهُ فِي شَيْءٍ فَقَالَ أَظُنُّكَ سَكْرَانَ فَقَالَ أَبِي اللهمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنِّي أَمْسَيْتُ لَكَ صَائِماً فَأَذِقْهُ طَعْمَ الْحَرْبِ وَذُلَّ الاسْرِ فَوَ الله إِنْ ذَهَبَتِ الايَّامُ حَتَّى حُرِبَ مَالُهُ وَمَا كَانَ لَهُ ثُمَّ أُخِذَ أَسِيراً وَهُوَ ذَا قَدْ مَاتَ لا رَحِمَهُ الله وَقَدْ أَدَالَ الله عَزَّ وَجَلَّ مِنْهُ وَمَا زَالَ يُدِيلُ أَوْلِيَاءَهُ مِنْ أَعْدَائِهِ.
. Al-Husayn ibn Muhammad has narrated from Mu‘alla ibn Muhammad from Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn ‘Abdallah from Muhammad ibn Sinan who has said the following. “Once I went to see abu al-Hassan (a.s.). He said, “O Muhammad, has something happened to the family of al-Faraj (the governor of al-Madina )?” I said, “Yes, ‘Umar (a member of al-Faraj family) has died.” The Imam (a.s.) said, “All thanks and praise belongs to Allah.” He said it twenty four times. I then said, “My master, had known it would make you this happy I would have come to running and bare foot with the news (to congratulate you).” The Imam (a.s.) said, “Do you not know what he –may Allah condemn him- once had said to Muhammad ibn Ali, my father?” The narrator has said that I said, “No, I do not know it.” The Imam (a.s.) said, “He spoke to my father about an issue and then said to him, “I think you are drunk.” My father then had said, “O Lord, if you know that I have been fasting this day, then make him test the taste of al-A ‘war, and the humiliation of captivity.” By Allah, in just a few days his belongings were looted and he was captured and know he is dead-may Allah deprive him of His mercy. Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most gracious, has exacted revenge from him and He continues to exact revenge for His friends from His enemies.
Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 9
ـ عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ اسْتَأْذَنَ عَلَى ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) قَوْمٌ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّوَاحِي مِنَ الشِّيعَةِ فَأَذِنَ لَهُمْ فَدَخَلُوا فَسَأَلُوهُ فِي مَجْلِسٍ وَاحِدٍ عَنْ ثَلاثِينَ أَلْفَ مَسْأَلَةٍ فَأَجَابَ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) وَلَهُ عَشْرُ سِنِينَ.

1. Ali ibn Ibrahim has narrated from his father who has said the following. “Once a group of Shi‘a from the suburbs asked permission to meet abu Ja‘far (a.s.). He granted them permission and they came in his presence. In one meeting they asked him thirty thousand questions. He answered them all and at that time he was ten years old.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 7
ـ عَلِيُّ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ زِيَادٍ عَنْ دَاوُدَ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ الْجَعْفَرِيِّ قَالَ دَخَلْتُ عَلَى ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) وَمَعِي ثَلاثُ رِقَاعٍ غَيْرُ مُعَنْوَنَةٍ وَاشْتَبَهَتْ عَلَيَّ فَاغْتَمَمْتُ فَتَنَاوَلَ إِحْدَاهُمَا وَقَالَ هَذِهِ رُقْعَةُ زِيَادِ بْنِ شَبِيبٍ ثُمَّ تَنَاوَلَ الثَّانِيَةَ فَقَالَ هَذِهِ رُقْعَةُ فُلانٍ فَبُهِتُّ أَنَا فَنَظَرَ إِلَيَّ فَتَبَسَّمَ قَالَ وَأَعْطَانِي ثَلاثَمِائَةِ دِينَارٍ وَأَمَرَنِي أَنْ أَحْمِلَهَا إِلَى بَعْضِ بَنِي عَمِّهِ وَقَالَ أَمَا إِنَّهُ سَيَقُولُ لَكَ دُلَّنِي عَلَى حَرِيفٍ يَشْتَرِي لِي بِهَا مَتَاعاً فَدُلَّهُ عَلَيْهِ قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُهُ بِالدَّنَانِيرِ فَقَالَ لِي يَا أَبَا هَاشِمٍ دُلَّنِي عَلَى حَرِيفٍ يَشْتَرِي لِي بِهَا مَتَاعاً فَقُلْتُ نَعَمْ قَالَ وَكَلَّمَنِي جَمَّالٌ أَنْ أُكَلِّمَهُ لَهُ يُدْخِلُهُ فِي بَعْضِ أُمُورِهِ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَيْهِ لاكَلِّمَهُ لَهُ فَوَجَدْتُهُ يَأْكُلُ وَمَعَهُ جَمَاعَةٌ وَلَمْ يُمْكِنِّي كَلامَهُ فَقَالَ يَا أَبَا هَاشِمٍ كُلْ وَوَضَعَ بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ ثُمَّ قَالَ ابْتِدَاءً مِنْهُ مِنْ غَيْرِ مَسْأَلَةٍ يَا غُلامُ انْظُرْ إِلَى الْجَمَّالِ الَّذِي أَتَانَا بِهِ أَبُو هَاشِمٍ فَضُمَّهُ إِلَيْكَ قَالَ وَدَخَلْتُ مَعَهُ ذَاتَ يَوْمٍ بُسْتَاناً فَقُلْتُ لَهُ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ إِنِّي لَمُولَعٌ بِأَكْلِ الطِّينِ فَادْعُ الله لِي فَسَكَتَ ثُمَّ قَالَ لِي بَعْدَ ثَلاثَةِ أَيَّامٍ ابْتِدَاءً مِنْهُ يَا أَبَا هَاشِمٍ قَدْ أَذْهَبَ الله عَنْكَ أَكْلَ الطِّينِ قَالَ أَبُو هَاشِمٍ فَمَا شَيْءٌ أَبْغَضَ إِلَيَّ مِنْهُ الْيَوْمَ.

1. Ali ibn Muhammad has narrated from Sahl ibn zd from Dawud ibn al-Qasim al-Ja‘fari who has said the following “Once I went to see abu Ja‘far (a.s.) and I had a few questions on three pieces of materials with proper markings and they were mixed as such that I could not distinguish. I felt sad. He picked one and said, “This is the letter of Ziyad ibn Shabib.” Then he picked up the other one and said, “.This is the letter of so and so.” I became awe struck. He looked at me and smiled.” The narrator has said that the Imam (a.s.) then gave me three hundred Dinars and asked me to deliver them to the certain persons of the sons of his uncle and said, “He will ask you to show him a professional person who would help him to buy goods, help show him one.” The narrator has said that I then went to him and gave him the Dinars and asked me, “O abu Hashim, can you show me a professional person who would help me to buy goods.” I said, “Yes, I can do so.” The narrator has said that a camel man asked me to speak on his behalf to abu Ja‘far (a.s.) to take part in certain matters of his affairs. I went to see him (abu Ja‘far (a.s.) to speak to him but he was having meal with a group of people and I did not get a chance to speak to him. He (abu Ja‘far (a.s.) said, “O abu Hashim, eat. He placed food before me. Then he said, initiating and without any question from me, “O slave, take good care of the camel-man that abu Hashim has brought for us. Keep him with you.” The narrator has said that one day I entered a garden along with him and said, “May Allah take my soul in service for your cause, I am addicted to eating fig. Pray to Allah for me.” He was quite and then after three day on his own initiation he said, “O abu Hashim, “Allah has removed your addiction.” Ever since it is the thing that I hate most.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith : 4
ـ عَلِيُّ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ بَعْضِ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الرَّيَّانِ قَالَ احْتَالَ الْمَأْمُونُ عَلَى ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) بِكُلِّ حِيلَةٍ فَلَمْ يُمْكِنْهُ فِيهِ شَيْءٌ فَلَمَّا اعْتَلَّ وَأَرَادَ أَنْ يَبْنِيَ عَلَيْهِ ابْنَتَهُ دَفَعَ إِلَى مِائَتَيْ وَصِيفَةٍ مِنْ أَجْمَلِ مَا يَكُونُ إِلَى كُلِّ وَاحِدَةٍ مِنْهُنَّ جَاماً فِيهِ جَوْهَرٌ يَسْتَقْبِلْنَ أَبَا جَعْفَرٍ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) إِذَا قَعَدَ فِي مَوْضِعِ الاخْيَارِ فَلَمْ يَلْتَفِتْ إِلَيْهِنَّ وَكَانَ رَجُلٌ يُقَالُ لَهُ مُخَارِقٌ صَاحِبُ صَوْتٍ وَعُودٍ وَضَرْبٍ طَوِيلُ اللِّحْيَةِ فَدَعَاهُ الْمَأْمُونُ فَقَالَ يَا أَمِيرَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِنْ كَانَ فِي شَيْءٍ مِنْ أَمْرِ الدُّنْيَا فَأَنَا أَكْفِيكَ أَمْرَهُ فَقَعَدَ بَيْنَ يَدَيْ ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فَشَهِقَ مُخَارِقٌ شَهْقَةً اجْتَمَعَ عَلَيْهِ أَهْلُ الدَّارِ وَجَعَلَ يَضْرِبُ بِعُودِهِ وَيُغَنِّي فَلَمَّا فَعَلَ سَاعَةً وَإِذَا أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ لا يَلْتَفِتُ إِلَيْهِ لا يَمِيناً وَلا شِمَالاً ثُمَّ رَفَعَ إِلَيْهِ رَأْسَهُ وَقَالَ اتَّقِ الله يَا ذَا الْعُثْنُونِ قَالَ فَسَقَطَ الْمِضْرَابُ مِنْ يَدِهِ وَالْعُودُ فَلَمْ يَنْتَفِعْ بِيَدَيْهِ إِلَى أَنْ مَاتَ قَالَ فَسَأَلَهُ الْمَأْمُونُ عَنْ حَالِهِ قَالَ لَمَّا صَاحَ بِي أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ فَزِعْتُ فَزْعَةً لا أُفِيقُ مِنْهَا أَبَداً.

1. Ali ibn Muhammad has narrated from certain persons of our people from Muhammad ibn al-Rayyan who has said the following “Al-Ma’mun did all he could to prove that abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.) was only a young man of worldly desires. However Al-Ma’mun could not succeed. When he became frustrated he gave his daughter in marriage to abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.). For the ceremony he sent two hundred most beautiful entertaining girls each with a bowl in her hand with a precious pearl in it to well come abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.) when he would sit on the special seat prepared for him. They, however, were not of any attraction to the Imam (a.s.) to disturb him. There was a man called Mukhariq who had a voice, musical skills, a guitar and a tall beard. Al-Ma’mun called him and he said, “O Amir al-Mu’minin, if he is a worldly man I will prove myself as dealing him deadly blows on your behalf.” He sat in front of abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.) and began to bray a hee-haw that made all the people of the house gather around him. He began to play his guitar and sing. He did it for an hour but abu Ja‘far (a.s.) did not pay any attention to the right or left. Then he (a.s.) raised his head and said, “O you, tall bearded one, be pious before Allah.” The narrator has said that the musical instrument and guitar fell off his hand and he could not use his hands thereafter until he died. When Al-Ma’mun asked him about his condition he said, “When abu Ja‘far (a.s.) expressed his disappointment at me it struck me with a huge degree of fear from which I have not been able to relieve myself ever since.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 4
ـ الْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُعَلَّى بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ جُمْهُورٍ عَنْ مُعَمَّرِ بْنِ خَلادٍ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ يَقُولُ لِلرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) إِنَّ ابْنِي فِي لِسَانِهِ ثِقْلٌ فَأَنَا أَبْعَثُ بِهِ إِلَيْكَ غَداً تَمْسَحُ عَلَى رَأْسِهِ وَتَدْعُو لَهُ فَإِنَّهُ مَوْلاكَ فَقَالَ هُوَ مَوْلَى أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ فَابْعَثْ بِهِ غَداً إِلَيْهِ.

1. Al-Husayn ibn Muhammad has narrated from Mu‘alla ibn Muhammad from Muhammad ibn Jumhur from Mu‘mmar ibn Khallad who has said the following. “I heard ’Isma‘il ibn Ibrahim say to al-rida (a.s.), ‘My son feels heaviness in his tongue. I intend to sent him tomorrow to you. Pass you your hand over his head and pray for him. He is your Mawla (slave).’” The Imam (a.s.) said, “He is a Mawla (slave) of abu Ja’far (a.s.). send him tomorrow to him (abu Ja‘far (a.s.).”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, Tacit and Explicit Testimony as proof of abu Ja‘far al-Thani’s (the second) (a.s.) Divine Authority over the people after abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.), Hadith 11
ـ بَعْضُ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ حُكَيْمٍ عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي نَصْرٍ قَالَ قَالَ لِيَ ابْنُ النَّجَاشِيِّ مَنِ الامَامُ بَعْدَ صَاحِبِكَ فَأَشْتَهِي أَنْ تَسْأَلَهُ حَتَّى أَعْلَمَ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى الرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فَأَخْبَرْتُهُ قَالَ فَقَالَ لِي الامَامُ ابْنِي ثُمَّ قَالَ هَلْ يَتَجَرَّأُ أَحَدٌ أَنْ يَقُولَ ابْنِي وَلَيْسَ لَهُ وَلَدٌ.

One of our people has narrated from Muhammad ibn Ali from Mu‘awiya ibn Hakim from ibn abu Basir who has said the following. “Al-Najashi once asked me, “Who will be the Imam after your master? I wish you ask him so I will know.” I then went to see Ali al-Rida (a.s.) and informed him (of al-Najashi’s wish).” The narrator has said that the Imam said, “The Imam will be my son.” Then he said, “Can any one say that my son will be the Imam when he has no son?”
Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, Tacit and Explicit Testimony as proof of abu Ja‘far al-Thani’s (the second) (a.s.) Divine Authority over the people after abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.), Hadith 5
ـ عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ مَالِكِ بْنِ أَشْيَمَ عَنِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ بَشَّارٍ قَالَ كَتَبَ ابْنُ قِيَامَا إِلَى أَبِي الْحَسَنِ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) كِتَاباً يَقُولُ فِيهِ كَيْفَ تَكُونُ إِمَاماً وَلَيْسَ لَكَ وَلَدٌ فَأَجَابَهُ أَبُو الْحَسَنِ الرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) شِبْهَ الْمُغْضَبِ وَمَا عَلَّمَكَ أَنَّهُ لا يَكُونُ لِي وَلَدٌ وَالله لا تَمْضِي الايَّامُ وَاللَّيَالِي حَتَّى يَرْزُقَنِيَ الله وَلَداً ذَكَراً يَفْرُقُ بِهِ بَيْنَ الْحَقِّ وَالْبَاطِلِ.

1. A number of our people has narrated from Ahmad ibn Muhammad from Ja’far ibn Yahya from Malik ibn Ashyam from al-Husayn ibn Bashshar who has said the following. “Ibn Qiyaman wrote a letter to abu al-Hassan (a.s.) in which he had said the following. ‘How can you be an Imam when you do not have a son?” Abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.) replied him with signs of anger, “How do you know that I will not have a son? By Allah, not many days and nights will pass before Allah will grant me a male child through who He will make the truth distinct from falsehood.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, Tacit and Explicit Testimony as proof of abu Ja‘far al-Thani’s (the second) (a.s.) Divine Authority over the people after abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.), Hadith 4
Ali ibn Ibrahim has narrated from his father that ’Isma‘il ibn Mihran who has said the following. “When abu Ja‘far left Madina for Baghdad the first time of his two journeys on his leaving I said to him, “May Allah take my souls in service for your cause, I am afraid about you in this condition. To who, after you, will belong the task (Leadership with Divine Authority)?” He turned to me laughing and said, “The disappearance, as have thought, will not take place this year. When he was about to be taken to al-Mu‘tasam (179/795 —became caliph 218/833 — 227/841), for the second time I went to him and said, “May Allah take my souls in service for your cause. You are leaving. To who, after you, will go this task Leadership with Divine Authority)?” He wept until his beard become soaked. He then turned to me and said, “This time you should be afraid about my life. The task (Leadership with Divine Authority) after me will go to my son Ali Al-Kāfi - Volume 1 p323
عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ مِهْرَانَ قَالَ: لَمَّا خَرَجَ أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ ع مِنَ الْمَدِينَةِ إِلَى بَغْدَادَ فِي الدَّفْعَةِ الْأُولَى مِنْ خَرْجَتَيْهِ قُلْتُ لَهُ عِنْدَ خُرُوجِهِ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ إِنِّي أَخَافُ عَلَيْكَ فِي هَذَا الْوَجْهِ فَإِلَى مَنِ الْأَمْرُ بَعْدَكَ فَكَرَّ بِوَجْهِهِ إِلَيَّ ضَاحِكاً وَ قَالَ لَيْسَ الْغَيْبَةُ حَيْثُ ظَنَنْتَ فِي هَذِهِ السَّنَةِ فَلَمَّا أُخْرِجَ بِهِ الثَّانِيَةَ إِلَى الْمُعْتَصِمِ صِرْتُ إِلَيْهِ فَقُلْتُ لَهُ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ أَنْتَ خَارِجٌ فَإِلَى مَنْ هَذَا الْأَمْرُ مِنْ بَعْدِكَ فَبَكَى حَتَّى اخْضَلَّتْ لِحْيَتُهُ ثُمَّ الْتَفَتَ إِلَيَّ فَقَالَ عِنْدَ هَذِهِ يُخَافُ عَلَيَّ الْأَمْرُ مِنْ بَعْدِي إِلَى ابْنِي عَلِيٍّ. کافی ج۱ ص ۳۲۳

We'd both been in loveless, unhappy marriages which were on the verge of finishing.. she left her husband late last year. We'd met through a mutual interest via social media as we both ride motorcycles.
We just clicked on a ridiculous amount of levels and it felt like I'd found a home in her... I've had attachment issues and been a closed book all my life due mainly to being abandoned at birth but she was able to pull down every single one of my walls/defences and let me see the real me. My wife of 30 years couldn't do that.
Over 10 months, we'd become so close it was like we'd always been together. She has a few issues with OCD and needing to know everything but it never bothered me. She was perfect. She'd suggested early on that we shared our location via google maps... I had no issue with that as I did that with my kids for peace of mind once they started driving cars.
The problems started when she met a 'friend' who's house she visited... first time until after midnight... another guy who she was a little secretive about, in her words so I wouldn't get 'triggered ' and asked if I was ok with her going offline from time to time... again to avoid triggering me.
She spent 5 of the next 7 days visiting him. I brought it up that is was a relationship if you do that with a stranger. She denied it but said she'd back it off. He told her he had feelings for her but she said she didn't feel that way.
Ok, we continued and with a lot of pressure from her, I ended my marriage as we were planning a house, New job etc etc. On my last visit (interstate so I had to fly) she was so happy, kissing, hugging "let me know when you've landed" When I landed, she was offline again and wouldn't pick up. When she finally did an hour later, I checked her location and she was driving away from the other guys house.
I had my suspicions but a close mutual friend told me yesterday that she’d been screwing this guy from day one and had gone straight from dropping me off at the airport to his bed.
She was sleeping with him while still pushing me to end my marriage!
I'm beyond devastated. She messaged me that we should finish this here and now. She won't talk about it as it triggers her anxiety too much.
I've essentially been blanked with no reason. I could let it go and block her but I know she's done some deceitful things to her ex and her family.
I'm thinking of writing them each a letter warning them of what she has planned as it will effect them financially. I was uncomfortable with her plans in the first place.
I want to send all 4 of them letters on the same day, wait until I hear that they have them and block her and move on. There's a benefactor who she's been dishonest with to screw her ex husband over financially.
It won't hurt anyone but her reputation with her family who think she's an angel who can do no wrong... she's manipulating them for monetary gain.

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

After years of dancing around the issue, I've decided I'm going to ask my spouse for a divorce tomorrow.
I'm naturally conflict avoidant and I'm pretty terrified. It's no small feat to completely upend yours and someone else's life. We still love each other... but you know how the saying goes, sometimes love isn't enough.
We've no kids, no pets, haven't bought property together. We don't have a lot of assets. If I was looking in from the outside I'd claim it looks relatively straightforward. Things are pretty calm at home, we haven't argued in awhile, things have been ticking over pretty smoothly.
There has been no abuse or infidelity or anything like that in this marriage. Usual marriage issues I guess, money issues, differences in long term life goals, big imbalance of household chores (leading to long term resentment, leading to attraction issues). Twelve years is a long time together and I feel like we've changed as people but haven't grown together as much as we should have.
I don't want to work on things anymore. I don't want a therapist. Years of resentment have killed any desire to make things work.
I always thought being the one to want a divorce would make things easier but it's really not.
I'd like to go through the process as amicably as possible, there's some anxiety there about the reaction. I'm worried they'll self destruct and spiral. Our friend group is pretty intertwined, we get on really well with both our families, I know it's going to be a shock to them.
I'm going to do it in person. They deserve better than a lettetext/phone call. I'm trying to think of how to word things. I feel like I should be firm and to the point.
Would love to hear how other people started that conversation, or if you're in a similar position.

My husband and I have been married for nearly twenty years. Few months ago he was having an affair with his high school ex-girlfriend. He always claimed they were just close friends, but I found their relationship suspicious, especially since she would demand that he respond to her emails and say things like, "We will meet each other at the end."
Last year I had a feeling something was going on, and my suspicions were confirmed this past Christmas when I confronted him. He admitted everything, explaining that he only married me because I got pregnant and that he never truly loved me. He said he tried to move on from this woman but couldn't because they were in love.
Despite not loving me, he asked for a second chance for the sake of our family. I pleaded with him to let me go if he wanted to be with her, begging him not to hurt me for the children's sake. However, he continued to contact her. While we were trying to work on our marriage, we even started marriage counseling.
He had no intention of repairing our marriage; he just needed time to get his affairs in order. He was stalling to plan his departure, all while keeping me in the dark. I believed we were trying to save our relationship, but he essentially put me on probation. Anything I said or did became grounds for him to threaten me with divorce, as if I had been the one unfaithful.
As time went on, I suffered humiliation in my own home, but once I discovered their continued involvement, my life turned into a nightmare. He became the most heartless person I'd ever known, even surpassing the abuse I endured from my mother during my childhood. She neglected to feed me, spanked me, and even chained me to furniture, but he was even more malicious. In just six weeks, I lost 30 pounds. I wasn't allowed to walk freely around the house; he would constantly yell at me and tell me how much I disgusted him. Things deteriorated further when the woman's husband found out—my husband then accused me of trying to destroy her family.
She ended things with him to save her marriage, leaving my husband heartbroken. He cried in my arms, believing he had lost the love of his life. It has been almost three months since then, but he has returned to acting like nothing happened. He claims to not remember any of the hurtful things he said or did during that time. To make matters worse, he has become depressed and lost his job. I am staying in the house because we have three kids and I cannot afford to leave and provide for them on my own.
Presently, he is interested in repairing the marriage, but I have lost the desire to remain his spouse. Being in this situation, I am struggling mentally as he denies responsibility for his actions and the hurt he inflicted on our family. It is challenging for me to even be in his presence.
Should I send him a letter? He mentioned something that I should try to comprehend because he had a 30-year history with this woman. However, I believe, considering we spent 20 years together I have a lot more life history with him and three children. I have supported him through many challenges, while she has left him twice.
Both showed cowardice in their actions - one by lying to her husband about her affair with my husband , and the other by choosing not to confront the situation and pretending it never happened.

after trump becomes president what will happen to marriage based immigration cases for ir1/cr1 processing time

My parents met in Vietnam and immigrated to Canada shortly afterwards. They’re in their 60s and have had a tumultuous ~35 year marriage. My dad is erratic, emotionally and financially abusive, has a gambling problem, and to top it off, is a pathological liar. My mom enables and defends him. They are awful parents, and it manifested in poor decision making, hands off parenting, and a very toxic self-involved marriage. They “borrowed” money from me while I was in university and postgrad. I now have very firm financial boundaries.
Now my mom wants to divorce my dad. My mom speaks very little English, despite living in Canada for decades. She works a near minimum wage blue collar job. She wants me and my brother to essentially “effect” her divorce. Air lift her out of marriage. She has no other family in Canada, her closest family are in California.
My brother and I are now in our 30s and have completely distanced ourselves, seeing them on the odd holiday, or checking in as necessary. I live 5 hours away in a house with my husband, while my brother lives in the same city in a 1bdrm apartment. I don’t feel equipped to handle this right now, despite being a lawyer. I am in my first trimester of pregnancy. I’m stressed out thinking of all the crap they need to detangle - all of their assets, their matrimonial home. I can’t take on a dependent when my husband and I are saving in preparation for me to go on mat leave.
I am spiralling. Can someone please help me think this through. I hate them for making me feel like I have to parent them. I hate that sometimes I wish they would just die.

Hi, Let me start off by saying that I've never writen here before but need help in what to do. My story starts off with a father who has been my Rock and hero all my life. I was born to a mother and father who never married because my father's mother didn't think my mother was good enough for her son and did everything including threaten to disown him if he didn't marry the woman she wanted him to be with. My mother had to prove paternity thru the friends of the court in getting a DNa test done because she stated the he denied me being his at first and this was due to my fathers mother and his current wife and once paternity was established It was proven that he was indeed my biological father. He never denied me but his name was never put on my birth certificate. I'm 52 so back then if you were not married and getting help from the state the fathers name wasn't put on the birth certificate if the father didn't sign. Let's skip to today where I have a brother who is the only connection to my father and a (so-called stepsister- no relation) someone who my father helped raise but he never adopted her because her father was still alive. My father was going thru a health scare where he needed heart surgery but kept prolonging to get it done. During one of his stays at a rehabilitation center he told me he wanted to give me Power of Attorney. That's when I was told my Brothers son stole my Dad's credit cards and linked them yo a cashapp account and bought a car while stealing alot of money from my father. I was livid. I spoke to Sherry who told me that she had taken Dad to the police station to file a report then to his bank to make a fraud report. I spoke to her and told her my plans and she hurriedly ran down to Probate court and put in for gaurdianship over my father. It was until my father asked me to get him a lawyer I didn't find out until 3months later that she had gotten guardianship. She was very sneaky and slick about it. So I moved in going on a year with my father and took care of him making sure to keep him safe, fed and making sure he took his medicine, going to doctors appointments and just being his daughter who enjoyed spending time with him. I made it clear to my nephew who had stolen from my father the sum of $26,000, if he ever stole anything else from my father again I would make his life a living hell and he said it was all a misunderstanding. I told him there was no misunderstanding stealing from someone I love. The look on my face made him realize I was serious and wasn't dealing with his shit. It was bad enogh my brother had beat up on Dad because Dad wouldn't supply him money for his drug habit. My brother would stand over Dad with weapons and terriorizing him where he could sleep. All he would do is sit up on the side of the bed a sleep sitting up. My Dad was completely traumatized from all that abuse. See this didn't just start with my brother my older sister stayed in the house for 25years and didn't do anything to help but be verbally abusive to him and moving her out of the house was the best thing that he did. Well moving forward in July my father finally got his living will and Revocable Trust done which names me as the executor over his estate and she was listed a a patient advocate and to make sure that all of his bill were paid after he passed. She was not to recieve anything because she was not an heir. My father had children including myself which makes it 3 biological children and 2 step kids which were not adopted but thru marriage he claimed them. One passed away and that left (Let's use Sherry as her name) Well she didn't sign her part to the Living will until September 8th. Moving forward his wallet came up missing and his phone when she came over. Then she'd text me and ask if I'd seen his phone which he had just used talking to her that morning. I had reminded her of needing help because Dad was getting to the point he was using the bathroom on himself more and more. I was continuously cleaning up floors and clothes and bedding but I knew it was something that had to be done. I told her multiple times that I would need help with a caretaker fro 12am-8am she took her time getting someone. She kkept saying she was looking for someone. Now I guess your asking why didn't I get someone? Well she had stated enough times that she was his gaurdian and she would be taking care of anything dealing with him medically. But she continued to do things like trying to get him to sign over power of attorney so she could get inyo his bank account. Thanksgiving came around and Dad wanted to go over to his friends house which was his ex-wife's sisters house when his wallet came up missing gor a second time. He wasn't able to go yo the bank or do anything Little did she know my father was up on her games so he told me that he was signing over the car to me and did but I didn't file the trasfer until the begining of the next year. I had taken care of my father for the whole year with no help except when he fell a cpl of times and had to ask a co-worker to come by and help me get him up. Sherry would only come by maybe once out of each month oe twice if she was begging for money. So December came in thats when everything hit the fan it was late December when she came over to take him to his doctors appt. She told me 3 days before she was going to get her cousin to take him but then she asked me to use the car. I told her no because I had important things that needed to be taken care of and I couldn't not attend. She got upset and thats when the 1st threat in about she would be putting in for me to be put up out of my home. I asked her what made her think she could put me out of my home because of not using the car. I asked her was she sure making threats was what she wanted to do? She said yeh and I don't care how you take it. Then she made an even bigger threat by telling me just cause you have a gun I have one tok and I will use it on you. I said ok I want you to remember that you made these threats. Now picture someone just showing up to your house and all of a sudden your sleep and they've hired someone to come in and clean out a space that my Dad used as his bedroom which was full of valuables,clothes,important papers and things my father treasured. But also your stuff that you've stored in the space. Now this happened on New Years Eve. I called Sherry to find out why my stuff had been thrown out and she said I'll call my cousin and we'll be over on New Years day to get everything back in the house. I knew just from the conversation that wasn't going to happen so I had to hurry home from work to get all my stuff that was thrown out.. I was beyond pissed to say the least. But the next thing to happen was the human society was called on me to get my dog taken away from me. When they arrived they said they recieved a call that the aminal had been living in dangerous and abusive conditions. I laughed and invited them in so the could see the dog. They burst out laughing when they say the dog and said that my dog was spoiled and loved the heck outta me. Then while they were leaving said they'd write in their report that this was a false report. I thanked them. About a couple of days later my Dad ended back in the hospital because he refused to take his medicine and his body started swelling up and retaining water. So during this time Sherry and her crew were showing up knowing that I worked midnites and kept opening up doors and window and it was cold as heck outside also making alot of noise.They were trying to piss me off to say I would move. I just kept my door closed but then it came to a point in February that I had had enough and told the Since Dad wasn't here they didn't need to be here in the house. I had to change the locks also. I realized then just how things were going downhill fast with my Dad. When he did make it home for the last time Sherry had invited church and friends of my father over and decided to tell me that she was upset with me because I got Dad an attorney which he asked for to get his will done. She was yelling so loudly that everyone was stunned but when I asked her what she was really upset about she said that You shouldn't have gotten him a lawyer to do any estate planning cse she should have been the one doing it. I told her that Dad asked for an attorney and he didn't want anyone being a part of what he wanted in his will he gave her a part to play and she wasn't satisfied with that answer she she stated closing in on me into my personal space to yell in my face about her not getting anything. I told her you are not an heir Dad had 3 kids and he had every right to do his Will the way he wanted. Sherry had been calling the estate lawyer trying to get him to transfer everythong into her name. She just kept on harassing him and having Dad call him even though he was in full blown dementia. Dad had told me he didn't want her having access to his bank account and wanted me to follow everything to the letter. Right after having this talk Dad was right back in the hospital 5 days later. So I called Sherry the nite before because she said that there would be someone here to watch Dad so my thieving nephew showed up. I really didn't want him there in the house but I couldn't call off from work so I had to leave Dad in his care. So when I got off work my nephew who had stolen the money from Dad who was watching Dad said Dad was changed and good but hurried out the house. I walked into my Dad's room and my heart broke because my nephrw let him sit in Urine which had travel from the back of hos head down to the calf's of his legs and I mean the smell told me my nephew hadn't done anything he claimed. I just broke down crying and had my co-worker who came home with me to be a witness helped me get Dad cleaned up and helped me tak the bedding off the bed to was. I couldn't kerp it together. I cried my heart out. I was glad to have help that morning. Then Sherry's cousin and daughter came over to help out with Dad the Sherry showed up and while in my room I kept hearing whispers tgen I heard let me know if she comes out. I was on the phone speaking with a friend when I decided to look out my side window when I saw Sherry taking the license plate off my car. I went out to say something but she had jumped into her car and drove off very fast. Then Dad's nurse showed up and quickly told me to call the abulance to get him to the hospital because he wasn't getting better he was getting worse. I hurried up and called an abulance then called Sherry to let her know but she didn't pick up. She did however call back 10 minutes later. I was in the midst of me giving the emt's Dad's medicines Sherry arrived and gave the gaurdianship paperwork to get him to the hospital. After the abulance left I got in the car and went straight to the police station to report my license plate was stolen by Sherry. I walked in one day and Sherry had turned the electricity and heat off in the house. I had them turned back on. Then of course she did the same thing with the water. Dad never made it back home from Rehibiltation or the nursing home. She texted me and lied by saying that she was putting him in 2 different nursing homes the said he was going to the nephews house that had stolen the money but she wouldn't give me the address. I asked her for it and text my nephew both of them wouldn't answer me back. I put in to modify the guardianship but it was adjourned for a week when we got to court finally and the judge listened to her side and I never got a chance to say what has been going on. So Sherry lied so much on me during the zoom court meeting and then stated that I was a danger to my own father. I was so taken aback by this statement. She also said she went and got another will done 1-2 months before Dad passed which was May 1, 2024 the will stated that he wanted me to arrange his funeral. Sherry had obituaries printed with my Dad's name being incorrect and also as a last result to get me to act out at the funeral put in the obituary that I wasn't even his daughter but his God-Daughter. I knew it not to be true so it didn't bother me. Her family and Dad's friends walked up to me and kept apologizing for my lost and also apologizing for the way Sherry had treated me and what she put in the obituary. My Dad had a great send off because of his Lodge brother giving him a sword sulute but I couldn't stay because I knew I would say something. Then after that my oldest son started calling me asking about his aunty. I kept telling him she was no kin to him but because he's stuck on stupid and parked on dumb he believes anybody who will give him money. He called and told me that his kids mother and tge kids needed a place to stay and I told him no because he had stolen from me before and was disrespectful about it and ft nobody should say anything to him. Look when your child tells you after he has stolen from you that your just some B-_+# out in the street and he doesn't care if he stole from you. You tend to learn to separate yourself from tge turmoil of chaos in their life so you don't get caught up. So he thought calling Sherry was going to help his plight. He has been warned several times to not get close to her because she is a narcissist. If she can't get what she wants and control you, she will do and say anything to get you on her side so that you have no one to listen to you. Right now I'm in the process of trying to get the house turned over into my name since Dad said in his will the house goes to me. What would you do to handle someone who doesn't care about anything but money and anything that they can do to throw you in a bad light?

Hi, Let me start off by saying that I've never writen here before but need help in what to do. My story starts off with a father who has been my Rock and hero all my life. I was born to a mother and father who never married because my father's mother didn't think my mother was good enough for her son and did everything including threaten to disown him if he didn't marry the woman she wanted him to be with. My mother had to prove paternity thru the friends of the court in getting a DNa test done because she stated the he denied me being his at first and this was due to my fathers mother and his current wife and once paternity was established It was proven that he was indeed my biological father. He never denied me but his name was never put on my birth certificate. I'm 52 so back then if you were not married and getting help from the state the fathers name wasn't put on the birth certificate if the father didn't sign. Let's skip to today where I have a brother who is the only connection to my father and a (so-called stepsister- no relation) someone who my father helped raise but he never adopted her because her father was still alive. My father was going thru a health scare where he needed heart surgery but kept prolonging to get it done. During one of his stays at a rehabilitation center he told me he wanted to give me Power of Attorney. That's when I was told my Brothers son stole my Dad's credit cards and linked them yo a cashapp account and bought a car while stealing alot of money from my father. I was livid. I spoke to Sherry who told me that she had taken Dad to the police station to file a report then to his bank to make a fraud report. I spoke to her and told her my plans and she hurriedly ran down to Probate court and put in for gaurdianship over my father. It was until my father asked me to get him a lawyer I didn't find out until 3months later that she had gotten guardianship. She was very sneaky and slick about it. So I moved in going on a year with my father and took care of him making sure to keep him safe, fed and making sure he took his medicine, going to doctors appointments and just being his daughter who enjoyed spending time with him. I made it clear to my nephew who had stolen from my father the sum of $26,000, if he ever stole anything else from my father again I would make his life a living hell and he said it was all a misunderstanding. I told him there was no misunderstanding stealing from someone I love. The look on my face made him realize I was serious and wasn't dealing with his shit. It was bad enogh my brother had beat up on Dad because Dad wouldn't supply him money for his drug habit. My brother would stand over Dad with weapons and terriorizing him where he could sleep. All he would do is sit up on the side of the bed a sleep sitting up. My Dad was completely traumatized from all that abuse. See this didn't just start with my brother my older sister stayed in the house for 25years and didn't do anything to help but be verbally abusive to him and moving her out of the house was the best thing that he did. Well moving forward in July my father finally got his living will and Revocable Trust done which names me as the executor over his estate and she was listed a a patient advocate and to make sure that all of his bill were paid after he passed. She was not to recieve anything because she was not an heir. My father had children including myself which makes it 3 biological children and 2 step kids which were not adopted but thru marriage he claimed them. One passed away and that left (Let's use Sherry as her name) Well she didn't sign her part to the Living will until September 8th. Moving forward his wallet came up missing and his phone when she came over. Then she'd text me and ask if I'd seen his phone which he had just used talking to her that morning. I had reminded her of needing help because Dad was getting to the point he was using the bathroom on himself more and more. I was continuously cleaning up floors and clothes and bedding but I knew it was something that had to be done. I told her multiple times that I would need help with a caretaker fro 12am-8am she took her time getting someone. She kkept saying she was looking for someone. Now I guess your asking why didn't I get someone? Well she had stated enough times that she was his gaurdian and she would be taking care of anything dealing with him medically. But she continued to do things like trying to get him to sign over power of attorney so she could get inyo his bank account. Thanksgiving came around and Dad wanted to go over to his friends house which was his ex-wife's sisters house when his wallet came up missing gor a second time. He wasn't able to go yo the bank or do anything Little did she know my father was up on her games so he told me that he was signing over the car to me and did but I didn't file the trasfer until the begining of the next year. I had taken care of my father for the whole year with no help except when he fell a cpl of times and had to ask a co-worker to come by and help me get him up. Sherry would only come by maybe once out of each month oe twice if she was begging for money. So December came in thats when everything hit the fan it was late December when she came over to take him to his doctors appt. She told me 3 days before she was going to get her cousin to take him but then she asked me to use the car. I told her no because I had important things that needed to be taken care of and I couldn't not attend. She got upset and thats when the 1st threat in about she would be putting in for me to be put up out of my home. I asked her what made her think she could put me out of my home because of not using the car. I asked her was she sure making threats was what she wanted to do? She said yeh and I don't care how you take it. Then she made an even bigger threat by telling me just cause you have a gun I have one tok and I will use it on you. I said ok I want you to remember that you made these threats. Now picture someone just showing up to your house and all of a sudden your sleep and they've hired someone to come in and clean out a space that my Dad used as his bedroom which was full of valuables,clothes,important papers and things my father treasured. But also your stuff that you've stored in the space. Now this happened on New Years Eve. I called Sherry to find out why my stuff had been thrown out and she said I'll call my cousin and we'll be over on New Years day to get everything back in the house. I knew just from the conversation that wasn't going to happen so I had to hurry home from work to get all my stuff that was thrown out.. I was beyond pissed to say the least. But the next thing to happen was the human society was called on me to get my dog taken away from me. When they arrived they said they recieved a call that the aminal had been living in dangerous and abusive conditions. I laughed and invited them in so the could see the dog. They burst out laughing when they say the dog and said that my dog was spoiled and loved the heck outta me. Then while they were leaving said they'd write in their report that this was a false report. I thanked them. About a couple of days later my Dad ended back in the hospital because he refused to take his medicine and his body started swelling up and retaining water. So during this time Sherry and her crew were showing up knowing that I worked midnites and kept opening up doors and window and it was cold as heck outside also making alot of noise.They were trying to piss me off to say I would move. I just kept my door closed but then it came to a point in February that I had had enough and told the Since Dad wasn't here they didn't need to be here in the house. I had to change the locks also. I realized then just how things were going downhill fast with my Dad. When he did make it home for the last time Sherry had invited church and friends of my father over and decided to tell me that she was upset with me because I got Dad an attorney which he asked for to get his will done. She was yelling so loudly that everyone was stunned but when I asked her what she was really upset about she said that You shouldn't have gotten him a lawyer to do any estate planning cse she should have been the one doing it. I told her that Dad asked for an attorney and he didn't want anyone being a part of what he wanted in his will he gave her a part to play and she wasn't satisfied with that answer she she stated closing in on me into my personal space to yell in my face about her not getting anything. I told her you are not an heir Dad had 3 kids and he had every right to do his Will the way he wanted. Sherry had been calling the estate lawyer trying to get him to transfer everythong into her name. She just kept on harassing him and having Dad call him even though he was in full blown dementia. Dad had told me he didn't want her having access to his bank account and wanted me to follow everything to the letter. Right after having this talk Dad was right back in the hospital 5 days later. So I called Sherry the nite before because she said that there would be someone here to watch Dad so my thieving nephew showed up. I really didn't want him there in the house but I couldn't call off from work so I had to leave Dad in his care. So when I got off work my nephew who had stolen the money from Dad who was watching Dad said Dad was changed and good but hurried out the house. I walked into my Dad's room and my heart broke because my nephrw let him sit in Urine which had travel from the back of hos head down to the calf's of his legs and I mean the smell told me my nephew hadn't done anything he claimed. I just broke down crying and had my co-worker who came home with me to be a witness helped me get Dad cleaned up and helped me tak the bedding off the bed to was. I couldn't kerp it together. I cried my heart out. I was glad to have help that morning. Then Sherry's cousin and daughter came over to help out with Dad the Sherry showed up and while in my room I kept hearing whispers tgen I heard let me know if she comes out. I was on the phone speaking with a friend when I decided to look out my side window when I saw Sherry taking the license plate off my car. I went out to say something but she had jumped into her car and drove off very fast. Then Dad's nurse showed up and quickly told me to call the abulance to get him to the hospital because he wasn't getting better he was getting worse. I hurried up and called an abulance then called Sherry to let her know but she didn't pick up. She did however call back 10 minutes later. I was in the midst of me giving the emt's Dad's medicines Sherry arrived and gave the gaurdianship paperwork to get him to the hospital. After the abulance left I got in the car and went straight to the police station to report my license plate was stolen by Sherry. I walked in one day and Sherry had turned the electricity and heat off in the house. I had them turned back on. Then of course she did the same thing with the water. Dad never made it back home from Rehibiltation or the nursing home. She texted me and lied by saying that she was putting him in 2 different nursing homes the said he was going to the nephews house that had stolen the money but she wouldn't give me the address. I asked her for it and text my nephew both of them wouldn't answer me back. I put in to modify the guardianship but it was adjourned for a week when we got to court finally and the judge listened to her side and I never got a chance to say what has been going on. So Sherry lied so much on me during the zoom court meeting and then stated that I was a danger to my own father. I was so taken aback by this statement. She also said she went and got another will done 1-2 months before Dad passed which was May 1, 2024 the will stated that he wanted me to arrange his funeral. Sherry had obituaries printed with my Dad's name being incorrect and also as a last result to get me to act out at the funeral put in the obituary that I wasn't even his daughter but his God-Daughter. I knew it not to be true so it didn't bother me. Her family and Dad's friends walked up to me and kept apologizing for my lost and also apologizing for the way Sherry had treated me and what she put in the obituary. My Dad had a great send off because of his Lodge brother giving him a sword sulute but I couldn't stay because I knew I would say something. Then after that my oldest son started calling me asking about his aunty. I kept telling him she was no kin to him but because he's stuck on stupid and parked on dumb he believes anybody who will give him money. He called and told me that his kids mother and tge kids needed a place to stay and I told him no because he had stolen from me before and was disrespectful about it and ft nobody should say anything to him. Look when your child tells you after he has stolen from you that your just some B-_+# out in the street and he doesn't care if he stole from you. You tend to learn to separate yourself from tge turmoil of chaos in their life so you don't get caught up. So he thought calling Sherry was going to help his plight. He has been warned several times to not get close to her because she is a narcissist. If she can't get what she wants and control you, she will do and say anything to get you on her side so that you have no one to listen to you. Right now I'm in the process of trying to get the house turned over into my name since Dad said in his will the house goes to me. What would you do to handle someone who doesn't care about anything but money and anything that they can do to throw you in a bad light?

I'm currently on a B2 Visa. I did file for "Change of Status" from H1-B to B2 during my H1-B grace period in January 2024. I got laid off in November 2023. My B2 visa is currently approved. I have 2 years and 6 months left on my H1-B.
My B2 visa is expiring in July 2024. I recently got an offer from Infosys. They said they will mostly file H1-B in non-premium mode. They are also asking me to work on H1-B receipt notice. Tentative joining date is 28th June. Since I'm on B2 visa status I cannot work on H1-B receipt notice. I need my status to be completely transferred to H1-B successfully first to work on any project and for that I need premium processing If I need to join in 2/3 weeks. Normal H1-B transfer can take 4 to 8 months in worst case.
I already told my recruiter that I'm ready to bear the expenses for premium but as per his saying He can try for me but if it's a company's policy to file non premium H1-B transfer he can't do much.
I never told anyone yet in the interview process that I'm on B2 visa even when they ask me if you have last three months pay slips. I said yes because I have them technically before being laid off. My background check is accepted and I got the offer letter already. I'm only waiting for H1-B transfer process to be initiated and they already provided me the link to upload immigration documents.
Please suggest how smartly I can handle this? I want this offer to at least stay in the country

As-salamu alaykum. I am at a really low place and in need of some guidance.
I was born and raised Muslim Alhumdulilah. My mother is Arab-Hispanic, and my father is Arab. I am grateful for the ways my culture was prominent in our household, I speak Spanish/Arabic because of that. I am 21 years old right now, but when I was freshly out of high school I was very selfish, misguided, and living for fun in this Dunya. I dated this Arab-Muslim guy for about a year long distance when I was 17/18, ended things with him because we were very different and I was unhappy. I also talked to some other Arab guys, Muslim guys, and non-muslim guys, nothing serious but I was just being young and foolish. This was also peak COVID time so I was very lonely and just wanted a connection.
In 2021, I met this guy that I worked with and immediately had a crush on him. We liked each other so much, he was everything I wanted personality-wise. He is Asian and grew up Buddhist. He has always been so romantic, making me feel special i.e. writing me letters, surprising me with gifts at my bedroom window, exploring new places with me, sneaking around together, and going on fun-filled dates. Our relationship has felt like a movie.
I met his parents, but we kept our relationship hidden from my family as they do not approve of haram dating. I had told him from the start that I would only date him with the intention of marriage and I can't marry him unless he's Muslim. I also did not want him to convert for me, but only for Allah. Buddhism never felt right to him, he hated the idea of worshipping multiple Gods and felt lost with Buddhist teachings, so he was already interested in Islam before me. Islam was so simple to him and just made sense so he studied Islam on his own, made many Muslim friends, began going to the masjid, fasting, and practicing Islam after a few months of us being together.
Ramadan 2023 was very transformative for me, I was at a very low point in school with my depression and anxiety, Islam and his comfort got me through dark times. We began to think of our relationship much more seriously, focusing on school, and trying not to meet in private places anymore. We also began to take Islam much more seriously come Fall 2023. Both our deans were strengthening and we were dedicated to being better Muslims. In December 2023, he officially took his shahada Alhumdulilah. He recites the Quran more beautifully than anyone I have ever heard. We always glance at each other at Jummah prayer. He always reminds me of when it's time to pray and brings me closer to Allah.
After taking his shahada, he told me he wanted us to do our Fatiha ASAP. Despite us not being ready financially and still in school, he wanted us to tell my parents finally and get the ball rolling so we could do our nikkah in the new year. I was very hesitant and nervous but agreed because at the end of the day, I more than anything wanted us to be halal and wanted to love him openly for the sake of Allah.
I have never felt closer to Allah than this time in my life, I even committed to wearing the hijab in February 2024. Alhumdulilah. I hope to only increase my dean moving forward.
We made a plan to tell my parents in April 2024, a few days before Eid. I was very scared and anxious because my father is very intimidating, stubborn, and close-minded. I went into their room after Iftar and told them "I want to get married for the sake of Allah" They were both shocked but my dad said "Great. Fantastic." and I continued with "There is someone who would like to get to know me and talk to you first Baba" and he said "Do I know this person?" I said "No" he said "Where are they from?" and I said "He is Filipino-Japanese" and he said, "We'll talk about this later." My mother gave me a very angry look and said nothing, a couple of minutes later my dad came into my room saying "Don't worry about nothing Baba, we will figure this out and talk more later." I was very relieved and shocked that he didn't yell and scream at me. My mother texted me saying she is upset I didn't tell her and this is so shocking and I am so young blah blah blah. I knew they just needed time to process everything.
The story we were going to go with was just telling everyone we worked together long ago and reconnected through school (obviously not telling them we had been dating already for almost 3 years).
About 2 weeks later, my father finally told his brother (who is a second dad to me and my father leans on him a lot for everything). My uncle immediately wanted to speak and level with me, so I met up with him and told him about it, and he was very excited and supportive and asked for my partner's contact info ASAP so they could meet.
They met, my uncle loved him, about a week later he met both my parents, my parents liked him but my dad said "he isn't ready or have a set plan in life" just because my partner is still in school and sorting those kinds of things out for his future. The other big thing they didn't like was the fact that my partner's mother does not approve of him being Muslim and still doesn't know.
So let's get into that, basically, his family is of Buddhist religion but doesn't practice it at all. Although his mother loves me, and says she would love for us to marry, she will not allow him to be Muslim. She has threatened him in many ways, saying she should expose us to my family or kick him out of the house, saying she would never forgive him, he would dishonor his family, and he can't abandon the religion he was born with. Honestly, it's all nonsense and fear, but I understand this is just the mentality of most immigrant families. They left Japan before it became more westernized so they have very traditional values. She is also scared of Islam and has misconceptions about it, despite my partner always educating her. Ramadan was especially difficult for him as they would serve him food he couldn't refuse and make him eat pork. He is the oldest of six children, and all his little siblings support him and want us to be together. His father doesn't care about religion and knows he is Muslim. His grandmother who he is very close with, closer with than his mom, disapproves of him being Muslim also so they are the two that make this a challenge.
He told my parents some of that saying he can't tell his mother he is Muslim until he is financially stable enough to live on his own. My family really hates the idea of me having toxic in-laws or a mother-in-law that could raise hell in my life. Obviously, I don't want that for myself or my future children either but it is just something I have to sacrifice in the beginning and continue to make dua about in hopes they will come around one day.
My mom instructed me to just wait 6 months or longer before we move forward with the Fatiha so we can see where he is at and what changes for his circumstances. I agreed, and as much as we want to make it halal, we will wait if we have to.
In May 2024, I was preparing to graduate from university and I was crying the whole week of my graduation feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions of happiness, gratitude, but also pain as my extended family were all giving their opinions on my situation and some saying very hurtful superficial things. Many believe I could do better. Nobody tells you how when word gets out about you possibly marrying someone, everybody will give their unwarranted opinions.
Anyway, we had a little grad party at my house and my mom said I could invite him. I didn't run it past my dad because I just figured he was coming to support me the same way all my other friends were. My dad was furious that he was there and even had us wrap up the party early. That night I got a huge lecture from my father. I couldn't even really fight back, he is very scary when upset, and there were only so many words I could get in.
He went on a rant about how he feels disrespected. How I cannot marry him because he has no career, is not done with school, and has a bad situation with his mother. Honestly, all of this just feels like a buffer for this next part: "You can't marry him because he is Asian and you are not allowed to marry outside of the Arab culture." He said things like I would be destroying our bloodline, he couldn't look at his future grandkids the same way, he isn't good enough for me, my grandpas in their graves would be disappointed, he wants someone he can speak in Arabic with. He even suggested I find someone on an Arab dating app, but then contradicted himself saying someone should approach him first before trying to get to know me.
We are Palestinian and being Palestinian is everything to me, it is a huge part of my identity and I plan on making it a huge part of my children's identities also. However, culture is something that is taught and passed down, and not through blood. He said I could marry any Arab I wanted but that's also a contradiction because if he cared about Palestinian bloodline he would have me marry strictly Palestinian. None of this makes sense to me as we already have a very mixed family with A LOT of reverts. Also my father was very absent when I was growing up, he started becoming religious a lot later in life, and neither of my parents guided me well in Islam, Alhumdulilah I came to it on my own. It really upsets me that they expect me and my siblings to be super cultured, super Arab, and super religious when they also grew up in America and decided to raise us in this western society.
He said to put a big X on this guy because there is no way I can marry him. My father also said "To me, religion and culture are the same thing, they go hand in hand" and I said Astafuriallah you cannot equate Islam with any race/culture. I even quoted Surah Al-Baraqarah saying "It is better if your daughter marries a believer who is poor than a disbeliever who is rich."
Honestly, I was not expecting this to turn into a race thing. The situation with his mother is honestly the most difficult part, but something we can overcome through the grace of Allah. From all the opinions of everyone, it just feels like they don't care about my happiness and what I want. I am just so exhausted of living my life for other people when I only want to live it for Allah. I want to get married for Allah and I found someone who is a believer, who will love and take care of me and make me smile, isn't that enough? My father broke my heart that night and I was sobbing in my room. My sister comforted me and supported me saying just give it time and be patient, if it's meant to be it'll be.
What breaks my heart even more is that my partner has no one to turn to. I continue to tell him this is a test from Allah and you have to turn to him, but he feels so incredibly alone and neither of us knows where to go from here.
I have started nursing school this summer and have been busy with that, he is busy with work and classes. We decided to just take a step back and focus on our careers. But we still talk every day and see each other occasionally. There have been so many nights where we talk about our situation on FaceTime and just cry together. This man has been with me through everything. We feel like we are each other's soulmate, person, and best friend. All of our dreams of marriage and building a family together have been wrecked. We made promises of walking hand and hand into Jennah together, how can I leave someone I made those promises with? He feels like home to me. I was definitely naive in the beginning, made some mistakes, and I know it's my fault for falling in love as Allah tells us not to in order to avoid this kind of heartbreak. But I really just don't know what to do. We were trying to do everything right, and it still wasn't enough.
Maybe I could quote on quote do better, but even when I look at another man or find someone else attractive, nobody is comparable to him, and the way he knows all my deepest thoughts, weird antics, and insecurities. I have never been so vulnerable and intimate with another person, how can I throw that away?
They say in Islam that true love and marriage will come easily, but what about the ease after the burden? I thought good things take patience and come with hardships? I just have so much confusion, heartache, and unclarity. I prayed Isthikara but felt as though nothing came of it. I have never had this much difficulty listening to my heart and intuition before. I am so comfortable with him, the thought of starting over with someone new I can't comprehend. And if he finds another girl, what difference does it make for his situation? His mother will still not approve of Islam as of now. He feels like both his options are poison, and he will be much more miserable without me than with.
I watched the movie Past Lives recently and that destroyed me even more. If I marry someone else, I will always wonder what if it had been him, what if it worked out for us? How can I live with those thoughts? I would rather marry him and see how it goes, attempt happiness together, then have never tried at all and abandon what we have built. I am hoping this is just the climax of the movie before our happy ending and not the end of our story.
We feel lost, but love each other so much. Where do we go from here?