Edit: What Prompted me to ask what other people think, is that other teachers I have asked, have shared a similar experience. Very frustrated with adult students unable to perform basic musical tasks.
I am a music teacher. I love my job apart from one thing. Teaching adults. Seeing full grown adult human beings with full time jobs, degrees, and somehow unable to count to 4 in even intervals... Makes my skin crawl.
For some context, I'm not some prodigy musician. I'm fuckin average AT BEST. I play guitar, bass, drums, keys, vox, and can work a recording/live sound booth. I have solid fundamentals with no issues, and a decent grasp around music theory essentials. Overall I have largely taught myself pretty much all my instruments. In the beginning I learned guitar by just watching guitar covers on youtube and copying them. Before you could slow down videos I would bandicam them and slow it down in windows movie maker. Learned by hand. I hated tabs, and had no issue learning things like smoke on the water, or tnt, or welcome to paradise from one of my older cousins. So my 10 year old brain said that youtube was definitely the most efficient route. Anyway fast forward a couple years my parents said I earned lessons (I had quit most of my other vocations they provided), and I had proved I could stick with a hobby. Learned how to solo, improv with logic, write songs even. Fun time, but at no point was it ever difficult. Yes it took time, that doesn't mean it was difficult to me. I never felt very frustrated, and there was never a moment I didn't understand what was going on. As opposed to every other area of my childhood like school; guitar and rock music was the only thing that naturally made complete and total sense the entire way thorough.
Now for my actual point; I do not understand how in some cases, after 20-50 years, someone could possibly be unable to clap their hands to an 80 bpm metronome. Unable to keep track of the frets when they have markers for every odd number. Going to blank spaces when I say frets like 5 or 7. Going to the completely opposite end of the guitar, and looking at me confused. It seriously baffles me. And I get it yes these people are paying me I should be grateful, but after a certain point... They have such a disconnection to music and art as a whole, that I no longer believe that everyone is capable of playing music. These adult students, feel like some of the dumbest people on the planet that I've ever met. They are completely incapable of even operating the instrument, to a capacity that would even allow them to learn. In some cases, like as if they've never even heard the song they know all the words to, and requested to learn on guitar or drums etc. It's like these people have no ears. I have always been of the opinion music is very primal. To me music, rhythm especially, sounds like english. I don't need to learn it, I've been hearing it so much since birth that I speak it. Every TV show, commercial, public school music class. To me music was literally, "let's just bang on shit and see what it sounds like." And then automatically realizing "oh nice if I put it in a pattern and play it an even number of times it's music, sweet." Yeah did I have to improve technique, learn how to make the sounds I was hearing over time, etc? Well yeah of course, but it was never hard. Each new technique, chord, what have you was a breeze. Maybe because music was so prevalent in the house? But then I remember, these people are also mentioning how important rock music was to the family home when they grew up. Now I'm back to square one. What could possibly be the difference between my dumbass, who failed algebra twice, and the dude working a 6 figure job twice my age?
I keep these opinions to myself, and have no struggles keeping private thoughts private in the moment. I am always positive with them, and never mention that I am floored by their inability to complete the task. I always put emphasis that if they don't understand something; it's on me to find a different angle to explain it. I have 3 adult students who do have their heads screwed on straight when it comes to this stuff. And they are able to learn to play. But at a certain point I don't know if I can help you, if it's going to take over a month to learn to clap your damn hands to the song you listen to every day.
I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole, but this is frustrating to no end. I even feel bad, these people have no chance at being able to play, and are still paying me. Taking it super slow, easy songs, seven nation army, smoke on the water, taylor swift, katy perry, whole notes, fucking whole notes?????? We can only go through this basic stuff so many times, and I think I've exhausted every method of explaining 4/4 and how to use your fingers one at a time. I don't know what to tell these people anymore.
Sidenote: The younglings are a different story because sometimes the parents force their kids to go when the kids aren't even interested. That's really no problem. I always focus on making it about music as a fun art form to consume and think about. Basic songs, no expectations, talking about music history, band recommendation's. The kids that are interested have no issue picking it up. Some are like the adults, where they can't keep a beat to save their life, but since they are young I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt they can still figure it out.

Hello,
There is a new discord server that has a sole purpose of organising global runs, gathering new players who want to do speedclears as well as experienced players to have a hub to form runs globally, outside their alliance chats/friend lists.
It doesn't matter if you're new or experienced, as long as You just like to do speedclears in the game, there are teachers designated for every area,dungeon,elite area.
Update to the previous post that's been there a month ago:
Server consists of 439 members as of now and it spread across every speedclear alliance / active community in the game. As of now it makes it really easy to form runs in several alliances as the discord grew quite a bit, we have received feedback from new players who did not do speedclears before and quite a few them is cruising through the zones like that's a ghetto they've been living in for years.
https://discord.gg/tM6xJGuTJZ

During a student’s academic journey, unplanned events may happen that require them to miss class. People with kids need to know how to ask for school leave, whether for an emergency, a family emergency, or a planned vacation. You can request to miss school in writing by filling out an application for leave in school. People typically apply to leave school for various reasons, such as to go on a long trip, get medical care, or go to an event. Remember that applications for school leave need to be made politely and professionally. The application for leave in school should be brief and indicate the cause for the absence, how long it will last, and when the student will return. The application for leave will be talked about briefly in this article.

Reason for Leave application

For private reasons

A student may need to take time off if they have to deal with a family problem or another personal matter. For medical reasons if a child is sick or hurt and needs to be cared for or rest, they may have to miss school. Parents have to provide an application for leave in school for fever.

Because of religion

A student might miss class to attend a church event or celebrate a holiday. Because they need to learn, students may miss class to finish an internship, go on a study abroad course, or go to a conference.

Outside of school

Students may miss a few school days because of an event or action outside of school.They should provide an application for leave in school for going out of station.

Types of Leave

Medical, personal, emergency, and holiday leave are the most common types of leave that schools give. Knowing the differences between the types is essential because each may have different needs and ways of applying them.

How Applications Are Made?

Applications for leave in school are made through routes set up by schools. As part of it, you might have to use a website, fill out a form, or write an official letter. Parents and children should learn about the school’s recommended application process to ensure they follow it.

Very Important Papers

Application for leave in school may mean that schools must ask for supporting documents. Medical leave sometimes needs a note or proof from a doctor. You may need the same kind of proof of trip plans for vacation time. Gather the necessary paperwork and send it in with the leave request.

Time of absence

Most of the time, schools ask parents to let them know before they take their child out of the building. Then, the school management can do the right thing and ensure the child’s education is interrupted less often. Parents should request time off from school as soon as possible, in line with the school’s stance on advance notice. Parents should provide an application for leave in school for 1 day in advance.

Amount of time away

When it comes to schools, there may be rules about how much time you can miss for different reasons. There may be limits on vacation time, but people who are sick may be able to take medical leave for as long as they need it. Parents and children should know these time limits so they don’t get mixed up. The school management takes requests for time off when they are sent in. Anyone on the staff, like the director, school counsellor, or someone else, can review this. Parents and kids should be patient and wait for proof of clearance before moving forward.

Communication Tools

Schools usually set up specific ways for parents to talk to their administrators about requests for time off. One way to do this is to go online, email a pre-addressed address, or call the school office. When parents and kids use the official ways to get in touch, they can ensure their needs are heard and met. Parents and kids who want to take time off should check in with the school to ensure they got the application for leave in school and see what’s going on. They should quickly provide additional paperwork or details to speed up the process. The open conversation keeps approvals from being late.

Other Places of Education

To make sure that a student’s education continues while they are abroad, schools could offer other ways to learn. This could mean making study guides, giving homework, or teaching online. Asking about these plans might help lessen the adverse effects of leave on a child’s schoolwork. It must be turned in before the leave of absence starts and is usually sent to the school’s department head or director.

Go back to School Rules and How to Do Things

Schools could have set up specific rules to help kids return to the classroom after taking a break. This could include going to teacher meetings, making up missed work, or finishing tests. Parents who want to ensure their child returns to the regular schedule should call the school. For legal and administrative reasons, schools keep much information on students present and absent. To avoid problems, parents and children must carefully record requests for time off and keep an eye on their child’s attendance.

Review and Thoughts

Parents and kids can stay current on any changes or improvements by reviewing the school’s leave policies and procedures. Giving the school administration comments on their experiences with asking for time off can also help ensure that things keep improving.

Conclusion

Parents and kids need to know the school’s rules about requesting time off to talk about their needs and ensure the kids have a smooth educational experience. Parents and kids can handle the process confidently and keep their child’s schooling as regular as possible if they know the types of leaves, the necessary paperwork, and the permission processes. Parents and schools must work together, plan, and talk to each other so that application for leave in school requests are adequately treated and students can keep up with their work.

FAQs

How do I request school leave?
To request school leave, write to your principal or other school administration.
How early should I request leave?
Leave should be requested as early as possible to allow the school to make arrangements. The timeline depends on school policy and the cause of the leave. In a medical emergency, you may need to apply for leave sooner.
What is the use of leave applications in school?
A leave application is a written request to take time off school, college, or employment for a certain period.

Biographical Index of the Framers of the Constitution

 * = didn't sign the Constitution 

Connecticut: Oliver Ellsworth*, William. Samuel Johnson, Roger Sherman
Delaware: Richard Bassett, Gunning Bedford, Jr., Jacob Broom, John Dickinson, George Read
Georgia: Abraham Baldwin, William Few, William Houston, William L. Pierce
Maryland: Daniel Carroll, Daniel of St. Thomas Jenifer, Luther Martin, James McHenry John F. Mercer
Massachusetts: Elbridge Gerry, Nathaniel Gorham, Rufus King, Caleb Strong
New Hampshire: Nicholas Gilman, John Langdon
New Jersey: David Brearly, Jonathan Dayton, William C. Houston*, William Livingston, William Paterson
New York: Alexander Hamilton, John Lansing, Jr., Robert Yates
North Carolina: William. Blount, William R. Davie, Alexander Martin, Richard. Dobbs Spaight, Hugh Williamson
Pennsylvania: George Clymer, Thomas Fitzsimons, Benjamin Franklin, Jared Ingersoll Thomas Mifflin, Gouverneur Morris, Robert Morris, James Wilson
Rhode Island did not send any delegates to the Constitutional Convention.
South Carolina: Pierce Butler, Charles Pinckney, Charles Cotesworth Pinckney, John Rutledge
Virginia: John Blair, James Madison Jr., George Mason, James McClurg, Edmund J. Randolph, George Washington, George Wythe
What happened to the founders of the Constitution?
¹. The founders of the Constitution, also known as the Framers, played various roles in shaping early American politics and government. Here is what happened to some of the key figures: ². George Washington - Became the first President of the United States. ³. John Adams - Became the second President of the United States. ⁴. homas Jefferson - became the third President of the United States. He Played a significant role in early American politics, serving as the third President of the United States ⁵. James Madison - Became the fourth President of the United States. ⁶. James Monroe - Became the fifth President of the United States. ⁷. Alexander Hamilton - Played a key role in establishing the nation's financial system and was killed in a duel by Aaron Burr. ⁸. Benjamin Franklin - Passed away in 1790, after the Constitution was ratified. ⁹. Roger Sherman - Continued his political career and served in Congress. ¹⁰. Gouverneur Morris - Continued his political career and played a role in drafting the final version of the Constitution. ¹¹. John Dickinson - Played a role in early American politics and served in various government positions. ¹². George Mason - Opposed the Constitution's ratification and did not sign it. He continued to be involved in Virginia politics. ¹³. Elbridge Gerry - Signed the Constitution but later opposed it. He served as Vice President of the United States under James Madison. ¹⁴. William Paterson - Continued his legal and political career, serving as Governor of New Jersey. ¹⁵. Charles Pinckney - Continued his political career and served in various government positions. ¹⁶. John Rutledge - Served as Chief Justice of the United States and also as an Associate Justice on the Supreme Court. ¹⁷. Oliver Ellsworth - Played a role in early American government and served as Chief Justice of the United States. ¹⁸. John Jay - Played a significant role in early American politics, including serving as the first Chief Justice of the United States.
Here is how some of the key figures involved in the creation of the Constitution passed away:
• George Washington - Died of a severe throat infection in 1799. • James Madison - Died of heart failure in 1836. • Alexander Hamilton - Killed in a duel by Aaron Burr in 1804. • Benjamin Franklin - Passed away in 1790 due to old age and health complications. •John Adams - Died of natural causes in 1826. • Thomas Jefferson - Passed away due to natural causes in 1826. • James Monroe - Died of heart failure and tuberculosis in 1831. • Roger Sherman - Died of typhoid fever in 1793. • Gouverneur Morris - Died in 1816 after a carriage accident led to a leg amputation. • John Dickinson - Died of a stroke in 1808. • George Mason - Died of natural causes in 1792. • Elbridge Gerry - Died of a heart attack in 1814. • William Paterson - Died of complications from a urinary tract infection in 1806. • Charles Pinckney - Died in 1824 due to natural causes. • John Rutledge - Died by suicide in 1800. • Oliver Ellsworth - Died of a heart attack in 1807. • John Jay - Died of complications from paralysis in 1829.
Here is a brief overview of the success ratings of U.S. Presidents from George Washington to Joe Biden: George Washington - Considered highly successful for his leadership during the American Revolution and his role as the first President. - John Adams - Faced challenges like the Quasi-War with France but is respected for avoiding war and his diplomatic efforts. - Thomas Jefferson - Known for the Louisiana Purchase and expansion of the U.S. territory. - James Madison - Led the country through the War of 1812. - James Monroe - Oversaw the "Era of Good Feelings" and the Monroe Doctrine. - John Quincy Adams - Advocated for infrastructure and education but faced challenges from political rivals. - Andrew Jackson - Known for his populism and expansion of presidential powers. - Martin Van Buren - Faced economic challenges during the Panic of 1837. - William Henry Harrison - Died shortly after taking office, so his impact was limited. John Tyler - Faced challenges due to his succession from Harrison and his support of Texas annexation. - James K. Polk - Successful in achieving territorial expansion, including the Mexican-American War. - Zachary Taylor - Limited impact due to his short time in office before his death. - Millard Fillmore - Oversaw the Compromise of 1850 but faced criticism for his stance on slavery. Franklin Pierce - Faced challenges due to his support of the Kansas-Nebraska Act and the growing tensions over slavery. James Buchanan - Criticized for his handling of the secession crisis that led to the Civil War. - Abraham Lincoln - Highly regarded for preserving the Union, abolishing slavery, and leading the country through the Civil War. Andrew Johnson - Faced impeachment but is recognized for his efforts in Reconstruction. Ulysses S. Grant - Known for his efforts in Reconstruction and the fight against the Ku Klux Klan. Rutherford B. Hayes - Oversaw the end of Reconstruction and efforts to reform civil service. James A. Garfield - Assassinated early in his term, limiting his impact. Chester A. Arthur - Known for civil service reform efforts. Grover Cleveland - Served non-consecutive terms and focused on economic issues. Benjamin Harrison - Oversaw economic growth but faced challenges in his bid for re-election. Grover Cleveland (2nd term) - Continued to focus on economic reforms. William McKinley - Led the country through the Spanish-American War and focused on economic prosperity. Theodore Roosevelt - Known for his progressive policies and trust-busting efforts. William **Howard Taft - Faced challenges within his party and with progressive reforms. Woodrow Wilson - Led the country through World War I and advocated for the League of Nations. Warren G. Harding - Oversaw economic growth but his administration was marred by scandal. Calvin Coolidge - Known for his economic policies and advocacy for limited government. Herbert Hoover - Faced the Great Depression and criticism for his handling of the crisis. Franklin D. Roosevelt - Led the country through the Great Depression and World War II, i, implementing the New Deal. Harry S. Truman - Oversaw the end of World War II and the beginning of the Cold War. Dwight D. Eisenhower - Known for his leadership during World War II and his focus on infrastructure. John F. Kennedy - Led the country during the Cuban Missile Crisis and advocated for civil rights. Lyndon B. Johnson - Focused on civil rights and the Great Society programs but faced criticism for his handling of the Vietnam War. Richard Nixon - Resigned due to the Watergate scandal, overshadowing his foreign policy achievements. Gerald Ford - Took office after Nixon's resignation and faced challenges with the economy and foreign policy. Jimmy Carter - Faced challenges with the economy and foreign policy, including the Iran Hostage Crisis. Ronald Reagan - Known for his conservative policies and role in ending the Cold War. George H. W. Bush - Oversaw the end of the Cold War and the Gulf War. Bill Clinton - Focused on economic prosperity and domestic policies but faced impeachment. George W. Bush - Led the country through the 9/11 attacks and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Barack Obama - Known for the Affordable Care Act and efforts to revive the economy after the 2008 financial crisis. Donald Trump - Controversial presidency… Joseph Biden - Total nut job...
Here are some of the notable negative aspects or controversies associated with each U.S. President:
• George Washington - Controversies surrounding his ownership of slaves and his role in the Whiskey Rebellion. • John Adams - Alien and Sedition Acts restricting civil liberties and targeting immigrants. • Thomas Jefferson - Hypocrisy regarding slavery while advocating for liberty, and the Embargo Act's economic impact. • James Madison - Struggles during the War of 1812 and criticisms of the Treaty of Ghent. • James Monroe - Economic challenges during the Panic of 1819 and controversies over the Missouri Compromise. • John Quincy Adams - Unpopular "Corrupt Bargain" election and difficult relationship with Congress. • Andrew Jackson - Treatment of Native Americans, particularly the Trail of Tears, and his use of executive power. • Martin Van Buren - Blamed for the economic downturn known as the Panic of 1837. • William Henry Harrison - Limited impact due to his short tenure, so criticisms were not fully developed. • John Tyler - Annexation of Texas and conflicts with Congress. • James K. Polk - Handling of the Mexican-American War and accusations of expansionism. • Zachary Taylor - Short presidency limited the development of criticisms. • Millard Fillmore - Support for the Compromise of 1850 and stance on slavery. • Franklin Pierce - Support of the Kansas-Nebraska Act and handling of slavery issues. • James Buchanan - Inaction leading up to the Civil War and support for pro-slavery policies. • Abraham Lincoln - Handling of the Civil War, suspension of civil liberties, and Emancipation Proclamation. • Andrew Johnson - Opposition to civil rights legislation and conflicts with Congress. • Ulysses S. Grant - Administration plagued by corruption scandals. • Rutherford B. Hayes - End of Reconstruction and the Compromise of 1877. • James A. Garfield - Assassination limited the development of criticisms. • Chester A. Arthur - Ties to political machines and patronage practices. • Grover Cleveland - Handling of the Panic of 1893 and labor unrest. • Benjamin Harrison - Lack of leadership during economic downturn. • Grover Cleveland (2nd term) - Continued challenges with economic issues and labor disputes. • William McKinley - Handling of the Spanish-American War and accusations of imperialism. • Theodore Roosevelt - Trust-busting policies and involvement in the Panama Canal controversy. • William Howard Taft - Conflicts with progressive Republicans and conservation issues. • Woodrow Wilson - Handling of racial issues, civil liberties, and Treaty of Versailles. • Warren G. Harding - Administration marred by scandals like Teapot Dome. • Calvin Coolidge - Laissez-faire approach to the economy and limited government intervention. • Herbert Hoover - Handling of the Great Depression and perceived inaction. • Franklin D. Roosevelt - Criticism of New Deal policies and attempt to expand the Supreme Court. • Harry S. Truman - Handling of the Korean War and accusations of communist infiltration. • Dwight D. Eisenhower - Criticisms of domestic policies and civil rights actions. • John F. Kennedy - Bay of Pigs invasion and Cuban Missile Crisis. • Lyndon B. Johnson - Handling of the Vietnam War and civil rights issues. • Richard Nixon - Resignation due to the Watergate scandal. • Gerald Ford - Pardon of Richard Nixon and economic challenges. • Jimmy Carter - Handling of the Iran Hostage Crisis and economic difficulties. • Ronald Reagan - Economic policies, Iran-Contra affair, and environmental deregulation. • George H. W. Bush - Breaking "no new taxes" pledge and economic management. • Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky scandal and foreign policy decisions. • George W. Bush - Iraq War, Hurricane Katrina response, and economic policies. • Barack Obama - Affordable Care Act and foreign policy actions. • Donald Trump - Divisive policies, impeachment, and COVID-19 pandemic response. • Joe Biden - U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan, COVID-19 response, and economic policies.
All had their problems but, none as bad as Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Donald Trump and the nut job Joseph Biden.
Here is the political party affiliation of each U.S. President: George Washington - No formal party affiliation, though he is generally associated with the Federalist Party. John Adams - Federalist Party Thomas Jefferson - Democratic-Republican Party James Madison - Democratic-Republican Party James Monroe - Democratic-Republican Party John Quincy Adams - Democratic-Republican/National Republican Andrew Jackson - Democratic Party Martin Van Buren - Democratic Party William Henry Harrison - Whig Party John Tyler - Whig Party James K. Polk - Democratic Party Zachary Taylor - Whig Party Millard Fillmore - Whig Party Franklin Pierce - Democratic Party James Buchanan - Democratic Party Abraham Lincoln - Republican Party Andrew Johnson - Democratic Party (National Union) Ulysses S. Grant - Republican Party Rutherford B. Hayes - Republican Party James A. Garfield - Republican Party Chester A. Arthur - Republican Party Grover Cleveland - Democratic Party Benjamin Harrison - Republican Party Grover Cleveland (2nd term) - Democratic Party William McKinley - Republican Party Theodore Roosevelt - Republican Party William Howard Taft - Republican Party Woodrow Wilson - Democratic Party Warren G. Harding - Republican Party Calvin Coolidge - Republican Party Herbert Hoover - Republican Party Franklin D. Roosevelt - Democratic Party Harry S. Truman - Democratic Party Dwight D. Eisenhower - Republican Party John F. Kennedy - Democratic Party Lyndon B. Johnson - Democratic Party Richard Nixon - Republican Party Gerald Ford - Republican Party Jimmy Carter - Democratic Party Ronald Reagan - Republican Party George H. W. Bush - Republican Party Bill Clinton - Democratic Party George W. Bush - Republican Party Barack Obama - Democratic Party Donald Trump - Republican Party Joe Biden - Democratic Party
What is the Whig party? The Whig Party was a political party in the United States that existed from the early 1830s to the mid-1850s.
Here are some key points about the Whig Party: Origins: The Whig Party emerged in the 1830s as a coalition of various anti-Jacksonian factions. They opposed the policies of Democratic President Andrew Jackson, particularly his expansion of executive power and his handling of the Bank of the United States. Beliefs: The Whigs supported a strong federal government, internal improvements such as infrastructure projects, a national banking system, and protective tariffs to promote industry. Leadership: Prominent Whig leaders included Henry Clay, Daniel Webster, and William Henry Harrison. Presidential Success: Four Whig presidents served in office: William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, and Millard Fillmore. Decline: The party began to splinter over issues such as slavery, the Mexican-American War, and the Compromise of 1850. The rise of the anti-slavery Republican Party and internal divisions led to the decline of the Whig Party. Legacy: While the Whig Party itself dissolved in the 1850s, many former Whigs joined the Republican Party or other political movements. The Whigs left a legacy of advocating for economic development and opposition to executive overreach.
Explain the Democratic-Republican Party The Democratic-Republican Party was one of the first political parties in the United States. Here are some key points about the Democratic-Republican Party: Founding: The party was founded by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison in the early 1790s in opposition to the Federalist Party led by Alexander Hamilton. Beliefs: The Democratic-Republicans favored a limited federal government, states' rights, agrarian interests, and a strict interpretation of the Constitution. They were critical of a strong central government and favored an agrarian society of small farmers. Leadership: Thomas Jefferson and James Madison were key figures in the party. Jefferson served as the third President of the United States from 1801 to 1809, and Madison succeeded him as the fourth President from 1809 to 1817. Opposition: The Democratic-Republicans opposed the Federalist Party's policies, including the Alien and Sedition Acts and a national bank. They supported the principles of the French Revolution and favored closer ties with France rather than Britain. Achievements: The Democratic-Republicans were responsible for the Louisiana Purchase in 1803, which doubled the size of the United States. They also oversaw the abolition of the national debt during Jefferson's presidency. Transformation: Over time, the Democratic-Republican Party split into factions, with some members eventually forming the Democratic Party, while others joined the Whig Party. The Democratic Party that emerged retained some of the principles of the Democratic-Republican Party. The Democratic-Republican Party played a significant role in shaping early American politics and government, advocating for a decentralized system and agrarian interests.
Explain the federalist party The Federalist Party was one of the first political parties in the United States. Here are some key points about the Federalist Party: Founding: The Federalist Party was founded in the 1790s by Alexander Hamilton, John Adams, and others who supported a strong central government and a loose interpretation of the Constitution. Beliefs: The Federalists believed in a strong federal government, a national bank, protective tariffs, and close ties with Britain. They favored an industrial and commercial economy over an agrarian one. Leadership: Alexander Hamilton was a key leader of the Federalist Party, along with John Adams, who became the second President of the United States from 1797 to 1801. Policies: The Federalists supported the Alien and Sedition Acts, which restricted immigration and free speech, and they favored a pro-British foreign policy. They were often at odds with the Democratic-Republicans led by Thomas Jefferson. Opposition: The Democratic-Republican Party emerged as the main opposition to the Federalists, criticizing their policies as favoring the wealthy and infringing on states' rights. Decline: The Federalist Party declined after the War of 1812, as their opposition to the war hurt their popularity. The party eventually dissolved in the 1820s, leaving the Democratic-Republicans as the dominant political force. The Federalist Party played a significant role in shaping early American politics, advocating for a strong central government and policies that favored commerce and industry.

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

I am 17 and live with my mom, her partner and my grandparents. The only family member that knows I'm trans is my mom and she doesn't support me in any way. She has known for over 2 years now and despite our many "discussions" where I cried and begged her to change my name in school papers, she still hasn't called me in any masculine form even once (note: in polish, every adjective and verb you use towards another person has to be gendered, example: zrobił (masc for 'did'), zrobiła (fem for 'did'). Before I even came out, she once yelled at me and said she's ashamed to admit I'm her kid, just because on that day I wore a 'boyish' outfit. Now she uses arguments such as that I'm just insecure about my femininity, that it's because of my social anxiety, that I'm searching for something to blame my other problems for, that I'm a kid and I don't know what I'm doing, that it's because I "walked away from god" and other shit, she even asked me to go to a fucking EXORCIST. The only thing I wanted her to do was to change my name in school since I can't do it myself as a minor, I never even expected to be called by my new name by her, I knew that expectation was pointless. Over time, I stopped caring about or expecting her support, because when I'm 18 i'll just do everything myself. But that's the problem. You see, my family is very conservative, especially my grandparents. I've heard them insult anything even slightly "progressive" (note: if not going to church is progressive, then being trans is the epitomy of wokeness that they demonize so much) many times, they always called any queer people deviants, pedos, evil, degenerates, said that I'm "the devil's follower" when I defended the lgbt movement that was demonized by the tv at the time. They don't know I'm trans, and they don't need to with things as they are right now, but once I'll turn 18 and finally start medical transition, they will eventually know. Them throwing mean words at me when they do is not the problem, the problem is that it could geniuenly affect their health. Whenever I talked with my mom about it, she always emphasized that they cannot find out and that they could even get a heart attack. And I don't think she was exaggerating. See, if you live your whole life perceiving a certain thing as wrong, evil, spending years and years consuming political propaganda against a certain worldview that the thing is associated with, live in a bubble reassuring you that, yes, the thing is bad and you should never be that thing and then find out that your only grandchild is said thing, your reaction will be bad to say the least, especially if you're old and have health issues. It would really not be a problem if they just hated me as a queer person and wouldn't want to have anything to do with me, but I know they love me very much and they can't just treat me as any other trans person out there. They are a whole different generation with a different mentality and I know there's no way for them to accept those things, they don't need to, they don't need to accept me, but I don't want to cause them any actual mental or physical harm that finding out would bring them. At the same time, I don't want to keep being unhappy and living inside this female body just because of them, as bad as it sounds, I don't want to waste my whole youth waiting until they die to finally start living my life. The only person who supports me is my only friend who's trans too. I'm jealous of him, I feel awful for feeling that way, but feelings aren't something you can control. He's had his name changed in school only after 1 year of finding out he's trans. I've known that I'm a boy since I was 13 and still no progress in this regard. He's been treated as a boy by his class even before that change, and a teacher even went out of her way to offer him help just because he presented masculine and started calling him his name without the change in papers. In my case, some people in class do respect me, because I always introduced myself using my male name, others don't, I don't have any friends in class and I'm always included as one of the girls, the only teachers that know is one that won't call me using the male form in front of class, because "without permission from a parent, she could get in legal trouble", the other is my homeroom teacher who literally called me a boy on the very first day of high school when she had no idea who I was, but then she read my legal name and never adressed the topic ever again, even tho she heard countless times how I introduced myself with my male name. I'm glad that my friend is happy and I don't want to drag him down with me, but it doesn't change that I can't shake off that feeling of jealousy. My other friend said that "anime has fucked up my head" when I told her, and only started respecting it when I sent her a rant message about my life as a trans guy after she called me my deadname of social media. I had a girlfriend who cheated on me with a cis guy multiple times, he was so jealous of me being her boyfriend that he was beating me, started misgendering me despite being nice at the beggining and told me to overdose my antidepressants and kms. As a child, I've never been "boyish", I didn't like 'boys' toys, I've never liked sports, I've never had friends who were boys, I was a girly girl and that makes my mom conclude that I'm not really trans and makes even me have doubts, even tho for 4 years I've craved nothing else than having a male body and being seen as a boy. Every day I ask why I had to get gender dysphoria, it makes the whole life so much harder, I hate being trans, I wouldn't wish it on anyone, everything would be so much easier if I'd just be a girl.

Faculty Meetings With Rudolf Steiner Vol. 2, 3 July 1923, p. 649-650
Dr. Steiner: That little girl L.K. in the first grade must have something really very wrong inside. There is not much we can do. Such cases are increasing in which children are born with a human form, but are not really human beings in relation to their highest I; instead, they are filled with beings that do not belong to the human class. Quite a number of people have been born since the nineties without an I, that is, they are not reincarnated, but are human forms filled with a sort of natural demon. There are quite a large number of older people going around who are actually not human beings, but are only natural; they are human beings only in regard to their form. We cannot, however, create a school for demons.
A teacher: How is that possible?
Dr. Steiner: Cosmic error is certainly not impossible. The relationships of individuals coming into earthly existence have long been determined. There are also generations in which individuals have no desire to come into earthly existence and be connected with physicality, or immediately leave at the very beginning. In such cases, other beings that are not quite suited step in. This is something that is now quite common, that human beings go around without an I; they are actually not human beings, but have only a human form. They are beings like nature spirits, which we do not recognize as such because they go around in a human form. They are also quite different from human beings in regard to everything spiritual. They can, for example, never remember such things as sentences; they have a memory only for words, not for sentences.
The riddle of life is not so simple. When such a being dies, it returns to nature from which it came. The corpse decays, but there is no real dissolution of the etheric body, and the natural being returns to nature. It is also possible that something like an automaton could occur. The entire human organism exists, and it might be possible to automate the brain and develop a kind of pseudomorality.
I do not like to talk about such things since we have often been attacked even without them. Imagine what people would say if they heard that we say there are people who are not human beings. Nevertheless, these are facts. Our culture would not be in such a decline if people felt more strongly that a number of people are going around who, because they are completely ruthless, have become something that is not human, but instead are demons in human form.
Sauce: https://montalk.net/matrix/157/spiritless-humans

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Social Media and smartphones are warping how we see the real world and our reality is losing nuance rapidly.
Take the man or bear debate as a recent example. The whole premise is unhelpful and based on a glaring falsehood. It's like a 13-year-old's first essay on a topic they know next to nothing about. I'm pretty sure actual survivors of sexual abuse don't give a single damn about this "dilemma". They have real issues to deal with that those of us who are engaging in this discourse have the privilege of not having to deal with. All this fad is doing is spread the paranoid notion that there are male predators waiting around every other corner. How is that helping survivors of abuse with real trauma and fears that they carry with them in public places on a daily basis? It is absolutely not a show of solidarity to those who have actually suffered, yet people do genuinely believe they are "raising awareness", or "taking a stand".
I mean it's a far-less improbable yet ironic scenario to imagine someone walking the dim city streets at night alone with their necks bent square over their smartphones, going round corners oblivious to their surroundings while texting "I'll take the bear lol". Those same people will say they're afraid to walk alone at night and they yeard for the bear. I made that scenario up, but I've literally seen people bumping into walls and into other people in a smart phone-induced trance and just continuing like nothing happened and I've also seen people gleefully (not ruefully) opt for "the bear". What I mean is a lot of people are claiming to be terrified when they're not.
Like with the Tik-tok trend that's been dangerously telling people they have "high-functioning anxiety" without professional diagnoses, where if everyone is mentally ill then no one is mentally ill¹, it also stands to reason that if everyone is afraid, then no one is afraid. It's a dangerous way of "showing solidarity" to let pervade through society. I'm no Jordan Peterson fan, but this is a good example of the dangers of fake solidarity*. It's not just fake; it's damaging.
The whole bear vs man thing just seems to polarise people into two camps who perceive the other either as man-haters or rape-apologists. But you know what? it's not even close to being real and does absolutely nothing to bring people of differing views any closer to understanding each other. I also 100% guarantee you that those who "choose the bear" don't actually practise what they preach in their lives to even the slightest degree. One example I witnessed was at a recent social occasion where a female high school teacher whom I know quite well told her boyfriend and father to ask her if she was alone in the woods, what she would prefer... Before she even said the words "bear", or "man", I knew where where we were heading and intuitively knew what her answer was going to be.
It wasn't a debate from the very beginning. It was more like a joke - a weird joke about sexual assault told in the first person. Before she'd even got to her supposedly mind-blowing punchline (which was, in case you're a bit late to this party, "I'd choose the bear because the bear won't rape me!"), everyone seemed to know what it was going to be. Given the expectant grin on her face when she said these impactful words, It didn't turn out to be the “gotcha” she thought it was going to be. This was quite an awkward experience. I can only guess that the "gotcha" aimed at the men in the room was supposed to educate them to be ashamed to be male on the spot. It didn’t. I explained why I thought the whole thing was flawed and I was informed I needed to lighten up. I was definitely mistaken in thinking that it was a chance to talk philosophy (is it ever these days?), but perpetuating the idea that "male rapists are everywhere" while simultaneously trivialising real suffering of abuse goes completely unchecked because when we engage in this form of discourse we reduce ourselves to vacuous, infantile creatures who ironically think they're acting like fully-developed adults. Rape is light-hearted; yet - and this is where the cognitive disonance gets really odd - you're either standing up for it or you're standing up against it, but no matter what side you're on, it's funny. Instead of thinking, "why is she grinning?!", we're thinking, "what side am I on and how can I also somehow make it funny?". When in reality, it's surface-level shock-value statements with zero nuance that we allow to insincerely represent us (the wide-grinning rape denouncer doesn't practise what she preaches: she isn't a raging man-hater; she's a decent person, but for some reason, she's adopted an inane comic-strip view on something as serious as rape - and incredibly, it's all in the defence of victims!).
And this way of engaging in discourse is everywhere. On Reddit, Facebook, Twitter etc., the finger-pointing and artificial coralling of all of us into fake dualities of misogynist vs virgin-for-life simp, misandrist vs patriachy-enabler, racist vs communist and many others are rife and it's finding its way into real-life discourse at the dinner table, the classroom and the office.
If we artificially and insincerely self-separate into these 1s and 0s, are we making it easier for the A.I. on our devices to "understand" us, classify us, manipulate us and ultimately annihilate us?
OK, maybe I went too far there, but is this jarring lack of nuance really the only way we want to "talk about" serious topics now? Is it only going to get worse? I feel like it wasn't long ago you could have real discussions about issues, but this art is dying - and rapidly. You can probably sense my frustration at how society is organising itself right now and I'd love to know if anyone has any suggestions on what we can do to encourage healthy conversations and debate with each other. Maybe I'm the problem. I used to be surrounded by people who took part in stimulating, nuanced debate and now I'm not. We used to tolerate different viewpoints and we didn't confront and "block" each other on a hair-trigger. Maybe I'm old and the kids are actually all right. Let me know.
¹ ~https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5MCw8446gs&ab_channel=TheNewYorkTimes~
*I couldn't find a good quote for this, but similarly, he terms it "narcissistic compassion"

I went to a normal government school in Malaysia. Your run of the mill SK and SMK schools . However, I finished my last 2 years of highschool in Australia. Here are the differences that I've noticed.
In terms of your Sciences and Math. Is roughly the same. 1+1 = 45 and mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Same. But when it comes to subjects that requires some imagination like History, English (I'm going to group up Malay with English since they are both languages) and whatever subjects that's comparable in terms of requiring essay writing and critical thinking. It's night and day.
I think History is probably the worst in Malaysia. It's not worse in content but worst in terms of structure. History shouldn't be taught like how it is in Malaysia. Just retaining and memorising key dates and names , Objective questions (Multiple choice questions) shouldn't even be the main stay of History. No opinions should be formulated by you if it's not within the bounds of the government issued text book. Malaysian are taught do not deviate and find other sources. Depends on one book and all its content is 100% true. Trust the government authors whole heartedly.
Meanwhile in Australia. When I learn history. We are asked to find multiple sources on one topic, it can be google, other reference books. We use the school text books as a starting point but if we only use quotes and references from one book. We will be marked unfavorably. We must present an understanding of the topic and debate it. History is just like the news. It's written with biases and the authors intentions often must be questioned.
A good example can be the story of J.W.W Birch. We learned in school he was a tax hustling white man . We are taught that the Malay Leaders murdered him because of they had the interest of the Malay populous at heart..rebelling against the white Overlord. Do not question it that's what is in the syllabus. Write exactly that in the exams. If you start formulating your own opinions..you gonna get an F. But that is a wrong way of teaching it. What should have been done instead is. The teacher presents the idea that Raja Abdullah and Datuk Maharajalela that they were fighting for Malays. But also should have encouraged the student to form their own opinions on the matter.
One student would say "but the only reason Birch was murdered is because Maharajalela and Abdullah got their privilege to tax revoked. Nothing to do with Malays."
Teacher would then ask "Do you have any evidence to back your opinion "
And the student will be responsible on his own to find sources that back his opinion.
It's probably why Malaysia is how it is. People waiting to be force fed information. Echo chamber sitting bunch .
Sigh

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/A_burner_acc0unt. He posted in AmItheAsshole
Mood Spoiler: frustrating but there's progress
Original Post: May 7, 2024
I am a 37M teacher. I teach History for highschoolers. I keep pads and tampons in my classroom for the girls to use if they need them. This is something I do and have done for all my classes through the years and I pay for them out of my own pocket. But recently, I have gotten an upsurge of female students, making my supplies run low and making me need to restock more often.
So, I have told my students that if they want to use the pads or tampons, they will have to pay a fee of $1 a month if they use the products. I thought it would be a good idea to teach them economics and a basic form of budgeting to them. Well, some parents have come at me via email that this was unfair for them.
Keep in mind, I live near a low-income neighborhood, who have students that mostly depend on me for the products. I explained to them that I have had an upsurge of female students and have told them that their price has gone up and explained that it would not be viable for me to keep doing this. They would keep emailing me, with one parent calling me a d*ck after school because they can't afford the hygiene products themselves.
I talked this over with my fiancee and she said that it wasn't a bad thing, noting that her products have gotten expensive as well. At the same time however, the principal says this might be a d*ck move as the students need these and I should just give it to them free of charge. Now I am reconsidering my decision and have yet to apply the fee. So, WIBTA If I Started Charging My Female Students For Hygiene Products?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: INFO: Does your school have a resource room? A school counselor? Family resource services? Somewhere where these kids can get what they need?
I don't understand your "surge of female students" comment. Do you mean a surge in need of products? More female students than male?
To me, the best course of action would be for the school staff to get together and purchase items for all of the classrooms or even to place in the bathrooms. And to work together to have a giving or caring closet for the school. If the kids are going without pads and tampons it is possible they are also going without other hygiene needs and a caring closet would ensure everyone has what they need for only a few dollars per month from everyone on staff.

OOP: No, my school does not have enough to supply these resources. And a surge of female students means that my classes have become filled with more females than ever before, making my supplies run dry. And some of the staff are barely going though, as you know with tacher pay. I get paid 37K after taxes, so this is not something I can afford, especially since this surge in female students happened in their freshman year, so this would not be possible for the next 3 years of their education. But a caring closet might help us all out, thanks for the idea!

OOP is voted NTA
First Update (Same Post)
Update: After reading many of your comments, I am going to talk to the principal about setting up a caring closet. If he refuses then I will ask for a pay raise to cover for it or just tell him to pay for it out of pocket. I talked this over with the nurse and she said that she would be willing to chip in and would ask around for others. I will keep you guys updated. I am meeting with my principal in 30 minutes, wish me luck!
Second Update (Same Post): May 8, 2024 (Next Day)
Second Update: I just finished my meeting with my principal. He did not like the pay raise idea. I told him it would look bad for him if I didn't keep supplying these somehow and he then turned to the caring closet. He said he would need some time to think about it. The nurse said that even if the principal himself doesn't help out, she has 3 other teachers ready to pitch in. Thank you guys for all your support on how to deal with this!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Reddit Account: u/Chicken_Supreme01
Discord Tag: justchackensauce
Name and House: Aerys Belaerys
Age: 20
Cultural Group: Valyrian
Appearance: The blondish-white that marks him as Valyrian, Aerys is a youth in his early 20's and the bright eyes of a man with his whole life ahead of him.
Trait: Just
Skill(s): Vanguard (e), Cunning (e), Tactician
Talent(s): Board Games
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Knight of Aegon's Rest
Starting Location: With his family
Alternate Characters: N/A
---

Bio

Aerys Belaerys was born on Dragonstone to Aemon and Alyssa Belaerys. His father was occupied trying to scrape together any amount of money for their family while his cousins marched to war with the Targaryens. He would be the eldest of their two children with his sister Maegelle being born a few years after and from a young age, Aerys had very little expectations placed upon him unlike others that bore the name Belaerys.
In the beginning he was set to follow one of two paths, that of a warrior or that of a copper counter akin to his father, either way he would be a man sworn to serve the Targaryens and the main branch of Belaerys on their family farm. His mother wished more for him to be told, but being the side branch to an already lowly Valyrian family did not open up many opportunities.
Much would change quickly however, Aerys would only live on Dragonstone for a short period of two years before his families luck would take a surprising turn. A short stint inside Aegonsfort before tragedy befell House Targaryen as the King was slain by a Tully assassin. Aerys was far too young to even remember these times however, with his first memories only ever being of the family's new home in what was once called the castle of Riverrun.
Life would be easy going for Aerys, all eyes were on his elder cousins and the main branch of House Belaerys. Such relaxed expectations would lead Aerys to try and find his own niche in the family, a position no other would be able to match him in. He dreamed ambitiously and so threw himself at everything he could hoping something would stick, and stick something did.
While his cousin Aelor grew to love the fine arts, Aerys would find himself enthralled with matters altogether more martial. Learning the history of the Westerosi was made ever more interesting thanks to the countless spats and wars that occurred throughout the continent. From the Andal invasions all the way back to the mystical wars between the First Men and Children of the Forest, Aerys soaked in knowledge of battles and strategies and begin dreaming of the day he would ride out at the head of his own army.
As the years passed and the boy grew into his teenage years, he had moved on from daydreaming his battles to creating mock scenarios out of game pieces, challenging all who he deemed might pose a worthy challenge. This would start out with a soldier here, or one of the maesters there, but soon enough none in the castle wished to play such a game, and so once more his thirst for advancement in his craft would evolve.
Aerys would begin setting up mock battles using Belaerys men-at-arms as the new pieces. This form of the game would give him further visual queues to look for during the battles, and would lead him to further honing his abilities on the field. The mixture of reading every piece of work and actively leading troops in the mock battles around Aegon's Rest, Aerys' abilities would eventually begin to plateau, there was only so much practice could do in place of actual real world experience.
Such experience was likely enough to come his way however, as before long an old and bitter rivalry that Aerys had only read about finally flared back up. Blackwoods and Brackens once more raised their banners and pointed their weapons at one another.
While much of the surrounding Houses began to fear that the spat would spill out into something all the more devastating, Aerys was overjoyed at the potential for real warfare experience. No other voice was louder then little Aerys Belaerys during the council meeting that Lord Baelor Belaerys called over the matter. While some voiced caution, and others voiced leaving the House out of it entirely, Aerys Belaerys urged his uncle to support a side and earn prestige and renown for their House.
Baelor would be swayed by his nephews pleas, and a raven would be sent to House Blackwood declaring that House Belaerys stood with them. The banners would be called, and while Aerys would not be given any sort of command due to his youth, it would not stop the excitement from rising in his chest. The only thing that did kill the excitement was the dragon that appeared on the horizon the day Belaerys was set to march to join the conflict. At first believing it to be one of the Queens, Aerys was beyond surprised to see none other then his cousin Aelor.
His cousin and the dragon would fly off almost as soon as they had landed. Aerys was not privy to the discussion that took place between father and son, but he knew deep down that if a dragon had joined the mix, it was highly unlikely that he would see any form of real battle this day.
This feeling would turn true as reports came back the very same day that both Blackwoods and Brackens agreed to return to their own lands instead of face a dragon, his heart sank at this news and his feelings became conflicted for but a moment. It was great for his House and cousin that Belaerys now wielded a monstrous beast like Veraxes, but it was that fact that also stole Aerys' first chance at live combat.
He wouldn't remain in a sour mood for long however, because once Aelor returned he would give Aerys the chance of a lifetime, and the pair of cousins would fly atop the back of Veraxes together. Aerys could remember tying the chain, his heart beating hard as the great dragons wings stretched out and prepared for flight. It would be a memory he would hold dear, as though in their childhoods they had never been able to forge a close bond, this one act would be the start of a strong fellowship between the two.
Life would once more fall into a simple cycle of monotony, Aelor flew off to explore what Westeros had to offer, and Aerys would continue his learning efforts. Eventually the entirety of Aegon's Rest library was exhausted. His father Aemon would urge him to see knowledge and experience outside the family's lands, more specifically to the Citadel like he had. Although he was wary of leaving at first, he would concede that in order to grow and gain more knowledge it would be needed.
In 20 AC, Aerys would leave Aegon's Rest for the first time in 18 years. He would travel through the West and Reach, meeting new people and experiencing new things along the way. Finally he would reach Oldtown, the high spire reaching far into the sky above him. He would spend the next five years working his way through several links of a chain, emerging in 25 AC with a more complete education and solid foundation in regards to warfare.
He would make his return journey to Aegon's Rest, only to learn of his family's impending journey to the festivities being held near King's Landing.
---

Timeline

5 AC - Born to Aemon and Alyssa Belaerys.
7 AC - Moved to Aegon's Rest after King Aegon's death.
14 AC - Begins his journey to find his own niche inside his family.
18 AC - Pushes his uncle to join the fight between Blackwood and Bracken, conflict is averted by his cousin Aelor arriving atop Veraxes.
20 AC - Exhausts most avenues of furthering his abilities within Aegon's Rest, journeys to the Citadel in Oldtown to further education.
25 AC - Returns to his family.
25 AC - Present.
---
Family Tree
---
Name and House: Aemon Belaerys
Age: 42
Cultural Group: Valyrian
Appearance: An older man, he has seen his fair share of life, Aemon is usually disheveled looking
Trait: Steward
Skill(s): Architect, Avaricious, Scrutinous
Talent(s): Coin Stacking
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Steward of Aegon's Rest
Starting Location: With his family
Alternate Characters: N/A
---

Bio

Born ten and seven years prior to the Conquest to Maekar Belaerys and Aerea Scales, Aemon had one sibling, a younger sister named Alyssa. He would spend his entire youth on Dragonstone until he'd grown to become a man-at-arms under House Targaryen.
During the Conquest, he'd land with his cousin Baelor and Aegon Targaryen at what is now known as King's Landing. Despite his best attempts, Aemon was never exceptionally skilled with a sword, he would quickly find ways to not be sent to the frontlines, managing to fake an injury to his ribs on the eve of the Field of Fire.
This fake injury would cause him to miss the battle, and thus miss the death of his cousin Monterys as he fell to the enemies arrows. He would miss the field turning red as the Targaryens dragons turned everything to fire and ash.
The loss of his cousin, a man he might have been able to protect had he been more brave, shook the last reserves of strength from Aemon. He would hang up his sword for the last time, vowing to never pretend to do something again, and only do that which he knew would actually be able to help his family.
While his cousin and their offspring proved valorous warriors, Aemon had always been drawn to that which truly made the world function, gold. From a young age his ability to keep track of funds and find the best deals had kept his burgeoning family fed as they tried to subsist on a meager farm on Dragonstone. Although he had a knack for this line of work, his education had been truly lackluster given his background, a few years after the war he would seek his Baelors permission to learn from the group of Maesters down at the Citadel.
After arriving at Oldtown he would immediately become consumed by the sheer amount of potential knowledge the Citadel had to offer, and the nightlife that Oldtown had to offer wasn't too bad in its own right. Despite his marriage to his sister-wife, Alyssa, Aemon had never felt a true closeness to her as a husband should, and so truly he dove into all the city had to offer.
Several years pass, several chain links forged, several seeds planted. Aemon would journey home with so many new experiences gained and knowledge secured under his belt, it was time to return to his family and do everything he could to make up for lost time.
In the time spent in the South, House Belaerys under Baelor had not been idle. Now the Lords of their own fief, it seemed like their House was on the rise. Although the first meeting between the two was awkward at first given the amount of time spent away from each other, Aemon would find his place in the family soon enough.
Raised to the position of Steward, he would quickly show that his time in Oldtown was not wasted. Repairs on the castle would be completed faster than originally anticipated, prices for equipment and resources were negotiated for better prices, and the flow of taxes from the surrounding lands was tweaked to allow for more gains per moon.
Life would pass by, and soon enough Aemon would witness his son growing into a young man of his own. Unlike him though, Aerys would be captivated by war and the commanding of soldiers. Sometimes it led Aemon to wonder how such a boy came from him, but still it made him smile to see his own excel at something they held dear.
One day the peaceful life that Aemon had grown accustomed to appeared to be slipping, as word rose from the east that the ancient rivalry between Blackwoods and Brackens was on the cusp of once again reigniting. Despite his pleas for Baelor to remain neutral from the conflict, it was his own sons words that resonated best with the Lord of Aegon's Rest.
To Aemons own horror, Aerys was pushing for their house to join the fray on the side of the Blackwoods and march to war. Once more the sinking feeling of fear and cowardice crept up on him, and he felt like this time, instead of his cousin dying, it would be his own son.
His fears would begin to reach the surface as the day to march off to battle arrived, no amount of arguing or fighting had dissuaded either Baelor or Aerys from the current course of action, and it seemed anything short of draconic intervention wouldn't be able to stop Belaerys from joining the fight.
Such thoughts would prove true however, as in the sky appeared the mighty form of that which could be mistaken for nothing else. A dragon flew above Aegon's Rest for the first time in a decade, except this time it brought a rider that did not bear the name Targaryen.
Aemon was just as shocked as everyone else as none other then Aelor Belaerys dropped off the back of the dragon. His fears washed away as he witnessed Aelor return to his dragon after speaking with Lord Baelor, surely the son had returned to save his House from sacrificing any lives.
After the conflict was averted by the actions of Aelor, life at Aegon's Rest would return to a sense of normality. Such life was perfect for him, but alas he soon saw the effects it had on his son. The boy seemed to grow restless and irate at the peace that reigned over their region of Westeros. Aemon knew the boy needed new experiences, and thanks to his time there, he knew exactly where such knowledge and experience could be gained.
He would direct his son to travel to the Citadel, engulf himself in the studies and histories the Maesters had collected there, and absorb all he could. Such things would surely teach the boy a thing or two, and also allow him to travel across Westeros and see some of the world outside the castles walls.
All was once more calm, Aemon would begin spending the time he wasn't dedicating to being Steward to fishing, reading, and even teaching his daughter the finer points on being a steward, so that one day she might be able to help out with his duties.
Time would fly by until, in 25 AC, Aerys would return home a moon before House Belaerys was set to travel to the festivities being held near King's Landing. House Belaerys flourished now, a thriving castle and an heir that wielded a deadly dragon.
What could possibly go wrong?
---

Timeline

17 BC - Born to Maekar Belaerys and Aerea Scales.
1 AC - Lands with Aegon and his family, fakes multiple injuries to dodge being sent to the front lines of major battles.
5 AC - Aerys Belaerys is born.
6 AC - Travels to the Citadel to learn economy and stewardship
12 AC - Returns home, Maegelle Belaerys is born on the last day of the last moon.
13 AC - Is named Steward of Aegon's Rest.
20 AC - Sends his son to study at the Citadel, like he once did.
25 AC - Present.
---
Quentyn Strong - Castellan
Weese - Bandit
​

3.4. Mahishasaka or Sarvāstivādis

[wisdomlib.org:] [Mahishasaka had the doctrines] similar to those of the Mahasanghika. [Mahishasaka] denied reality to past and future, but maintained the reality of the present. Similarly, the school rejected the doctrine of the void and the non ego, the production of taint by the Five consciousness, the theory of nine kinds of non activity, and so on. They held that enlightenment came suddenly rathern than gradually.

Mahasamghika split from the Sthaviravāda (Theravada or Dhamma-Vinaya) and produced many schools.

According to the Theravādin Dīpavaṃsa, the Sarvāstivādins emerged from the older Mahīśāsaka school, but the Śāriputraparipṛcchā and the Samayabhedoparacanacakra state that the Mahīśāsaka emerged from the Sarvāstivāda. [Sarvastivada (wiki)]

Some Vajjian monks, who were possibly the followers of Devadatta, established the Mahasamghika after the schism after rejecting ten Vinaya rules. Like a few other monks, a Vajjian monk complained about the Vinaya rules. The story is recorded in Vajjiputta Sutta, which was utilised to support an argument that the Dhamma-Vinaya tradition added new rules. Indeed, the Buddha, the founder of the Dhamma-Vinaya Sasana, added new rules as required. However, before His passing He let the monks remove the minor rules, but the monks kept all the 227 rules. Only some Vajjian monks once again attempted to remove ten rules and split the Sangha after their attempt failed. These rebel monks founded many schools that united into Mahayana. The Sarvāstivādis wrote many famous Mahayanist scriptures.

Gandhāran Mahīśāsakas are associated with the Pure Land teachings of Amitābha Buddha. [Seated Buddha Amitabha statue.jpg (wiki)]

• Mādhyamika Also known as: Śūnyavāda, Shunyavada, Encyclopaedia Britannica
• Sarvastivada Also known as: Sarvastivadin, Vaibhashika, Encyclopaedia Britannica

Mahāsaṅghikās revised the Dhamma and Vinaya in their own way. The revised collections were known as Ācariyavāda as distinguished from the Theravāda of the First Buddhist Council. Dīpavaṃsa says, that the Mahāsaṅghikās did not stop after changing the Vinaya rules. They went further by laying down for themselves new doctrines contrary to the established ones. They recited for their purposes the sūtras and Vinaya, they made alterations in the texts and their arrangements and interpretations.
There are four kinds of teachings, that can be accepted as the Buddha's words – sutta, suttānuloma, ācariyavāda, attanomati. In Parinibbāna Sutta there are other four kinds of teaching – Buddhāpadesa, Saṅghāpadesa, Sambahulattherāpadesa, Ekattherāpadesa. They are not contradicting each other.
They also replaced portions of the text by others according to their liking and even rejected certain parts of the canon though they have been accepted according to the tradition of Mahā Kassapa's council. They refused Parivāra and Abhidhamma Pakaraṇa, Paṭisambhidā, Niddesa and Jātaka.
Mahāsaṅghikās divided their canon into five parts: 1. Sūtra, 2. Vinaya, 3. Abhidhamma, 4. Miscellaneous, 5. Dhāranīs. [ Notes from BPU Sri Lanka - Third Year ]

According to Sibani Barman in Dipavamsa (study): Chapter 2d - The Third Buddhist Council,

the Vibhajjavādins claim that their theories and Canon are same as the original Sthaviras (the elders).

• But that statement is untruthful. Kaccānagotta Sutta is a living proof. This is explained in 3.3.

Sarvāstivādis Doctrines

[David Bastow. The first argument for Sarvastivada. Asian Philosophy Vol. 5 No. 2 Oct.1995 Pp.109-125 Copyright by Asian Philosophy]

[Bastow:] The argument is two-fold: that past states of mind can be directly perceived; and that the temporal and causal context of these states of mind, including their karmic future and the possibility of an alternative saving future, can also be directly perceived.

In demonstrating their belief, the Sarvāstivādis attacked, the Venerable Maugdalyayana in the Maugdalyayana-skandhaka, the first chapter of the Vijnanakaya (200 BCE?):

[Bastow:] The sramana Maugdalyayana says: The past and the future do not exist; the present and the unconditioned (asainskrta) exist.

• Atacked: Singled out a thera, ignored the Buddha, and attacked the Dhamma;
• The Venerable Maugdalyayana represents the Sakyamuni Buddha.
• The past is memory, not the present dhamma. The past as memory is perceived, not lived nor imagined. The past as perceived is not lived, but it was lived, so it can be perceived.
• The future is yet to be lived, so it cannot be perceived, but it can be planned, expected and imagined.

[Bastow:] Section 1: [The Sarvāstivādis argued based on] probably Anguttara Nikaya III section 69 (i.e. A i 201-3). "There are three akusala-mulani (roots of ill, roots leading to bad consequences). These are lobha, greed; dvesa, anger; and moha, confusion." From this agreed premise the argument proceeds, first taking the case of lobha. There is no doubt then that there has been, is, will be a seeing that lobha is akusala (otherwise translated: a seeing of akusala--presumably meaning akusala-dharmas--in or through lobha). The lobha that is thus seen--is it past, present or future? If it is past or future, then it must be admitted that past or future exist. So could it be present?

• Lobha (greed) which existed in the past does not exist now, nor will exist in the future. When the object that caused that state of mind dimished, that greed also dimished. For example, one ate a certain food with greed. After eating it, greed was replaced by another state of mind, sleepiness, which was about sleeping and delusion. Sleepiness is different from craving for food. One does not get sleepy for food.
• If the same greed were to exist until now, one must be greedy the same way one was greedy for that food. Then one must not have different states of mind, anger and delusion.
• Greed cannot liberate anyone from anger and delusion.
• If that greed and all other greed must exist right now, greed must be accumulating and becoming too much to handle.
• And there were times of anger and delusion.
• Can anyone proove they are suffering from all the greed, anger and delusion which they had in the past?

[Bastow:] To allow this would involve admitting that there are in one pudgala two simultaneous cittas, states of consciousness; but this cannot be admitted. However, there must be seeing of either past lobha, or future lobha, or present lobha; otherwise it could not be that someone sees that lobha, akusalamula, is akusala. And in that case it would not happen that someone becomes repelled by lobha, detached, freed from lobha, obtains nirvana (or has obtained or will obtain nirvana).

• Hetu paccaya (root condition)
• Root (anusaya) exists but not as a plant (lobha).

[Anusaya Sutta:] its root destroyed, made like a palmyra stump, deprived of the conditions of development, not destined for future arising; [Thanissaro Bhikkhu] [Anusaya] are identified or associated with kleśa, paryavasthāna, and āsrava, and they are the ‘root’ of bhava [Dr. Ari Ubeysekara:] The seventh and the last of the latent tendencies is [obsession with ignorance (avijjanusaya)] which can be considered as the root cause of all unwholesome actions.

• Root (obsession) of greed is not greed.
• Nibbana is realised by exhausting the past kamma committed based on greed, anger and delusion.
• Anusaya Sutta: Obsessions (1): the seven obsessions

[Bastow:] The same argument is then applied to other things that can be seen with respect to lobha: it can be seen that lobha is a fetter, a bondage, an anusaya; and further that lobha is to be rejected, to be left behind, to be abandoned, to be fully known (prajna).

• Sarvāstivādis knew about anusaya, but they might not understand it as explained by the Sakyamuni Buddha.
• Lobha comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is alluring.
• Dosa comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is agitating/annoying.
• Moha comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is difficult, mysterious, deluding...
• Lobha, dosa, and moha cannot exist at the same moment of consciousness, nor unconscious-ness.
• Lobha, dosa, and moha are cetasika.
• Citta and cetasika need each other's support to stand like the two sheaves of reeds.
• Lobha, dosa, and moha cannot be abandoned, but they must be eradicated by digging out the roots.

Devadaha Sutta (2)

[SN 22:2 Venerable Sāriputta explained to a large number of monks:] ‘When one is not free from passion, desire, love, thirst, fever, & craving for [rūpa], then from any change & alteration in that [rūpa], there arises sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, & despair. When one is not free from passion… for feeling… for perception… for fabrications… & despair. When one is not free from passion, desire, love, thirst, fever, & craving for consciousness... & despair. Seeing this danger, our teacher teaches the subduing of passion & desire for [rūpa]… for feeling… for perception… for fabrications. Seeing this danger our teacher teaches the subduing of passion & desire for consciousness.’

A History of Indian Philosophy Volume 1

by Surendranath Dasgupta 1922 212,082 words ISBN-13: 9788120804081
Quoting Vasumitra (100 A.D.), Surendranath Dasgupta presents three major Mahayanist groups as doctrinally not very different, and the Hindu authors ignored their (minor) differences.

1. Mahāsaṅghikas: the body was filled with mind {citta) which was represented as sitting,
2. Prajñaptivādins: no agent in man, no untimely death, for it was caused by the previous deeds of man,
3. Sarvāstivādins believed that everything existed.

We can observe how all these doctrines are presented in the earliest Mahayanist sutras, particularly the Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra, the Prajñāpāramitāhṛdayasūtra, the Lankavatara Sutra, Saddharma Pundarika Sutra (the Lotus Sutra).

the Prajñaptivādins had inaugurated the Śūnyavāda by drawing up a list of ten emptinesses. In the Mahāvibhāṣā [...] we read [...] there are many śūnyatās [...] Were the Prajñaptivādins the inventors of these ten śūnyatās or were they borrowed from the Mahāyānists? [II. Emptiness in the Hinayānist sects]

Gelongma Karma Migme Chödrön asks that question. The Hindu writers seem to have the answer:

[Dasgupta] When the Hindu writers refer to the Buddhist doctrine in general terms such as “the Buddhists say” without calling them the Vijñānavādins or the Yogācāras and the Śūnyavādins, they often refer to the Sarvāstivādins by which they mean both the Sautrāntikas and the Vaibhāṣikas, ignoring the difference that exists between these two schools.

Nāgārjuna did not consider the Prajñaptivādins as Mahayanists. Mahayana did not exist when the Mahāsaṅghikas was formed after the second schism (Devadatta's schism was the first), so they are considered as Sthaviravādis, who produced Prajñaptivādins and Sarvāstivādins. By AD 5th-6th, Bodhidharma arrived to China, and according to him, Mahayana was well-established as the Yogacara school, which adopted the Lankavatara Sutra.

Bodhidharma was believed to have introduced the Lankavatara Sutra to Chinese Buddhism. This sutra was a development of the Yogacara (“Mind-only”) school of Buddhism established by the great masters Asanga and Vasubandhu, and Bodhidharma is described as a “master of the Lankavatara Sutra”. [ Bodhidharma – the founder of Gongfu (Tsem Rinpoche and Pastor Adeline)]

The authors of the Lankavatara were the Sarvāstivādins.

[Bodhidharma:] the only reason I’ve come to China is to transmit the instantaneous teaching of the Mahayana This mind is the Buddha. (Bloodstream Sermon)
[Bodhidharma:] "This nature is the mind. And the mind is the buddha."
[Lanka:] this triple world is nothing but a complex manifestation of one’s mental activities."

Bodhidharma, known as an expert in the ten-stage sutra, was a zen master, from the Yogacara school. He did not know vipassana, as he condemned arhats. He was clearly a follower of Mahadeva, who authored the five points downgrading the arhats.

[Bodhidharma:] Among Shakyamuni’s ten greatest disciples, Ananda was foremost in learning. But he didn’t know the Buddha. All he did was study and memorize. Arhats don’t know the Buddha...

Bodhidharma did not know the meaning of arhat. Nāgārjuna defines arhat in Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra as follow:
[quote]
1. Ara means enemy (ari) and hat means to kill (han). The expression therefore means “killer of enemies”.^\1]) Some stanzas say:

The Buddha has patience (kṣānti) as his armor (varman), Energy (vīrya) as his helmet (śīrṣaka),
Discipline (śīla) as his great steed (mahāśva),
Dhyāna as his bow (dhanus),
Wisdom (prajñā) as his arrows (śara).
Outwardly, he destroys the army of [Māra] (https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/mara#mahayana) (*mārasena*).
Inwardly, he destroys the passions (kleśa), his enemies.
He is called Arhat.

1. Furthermore, A marks negation and rahat means ‘to be born’. The expression means, therefore, “unborn”. The seeds (bīja) of the mind of the Buddha (buddhacitta) ‘do not arise’ in the field of rebirths (punarbhavakṣetra), for ignorance (avidyā) in him has been dissolved.

[end quote] Nevertheless, the Flower Sermon, which was composed in 1036 states that Mahayana comes from Kashyapa, whom Bodhidharma mentions in the Bloodstream Sermon. Based on Bodhidharma's attitude to the arhats, that Kashyapa could not be the Venerable Mahakassapa, the father of the Sangha who established the Theravada. However, that Kashapa appears in the Lankavatara Sutra:

Kashyapa (fl. 400 B.C.) . Also known as Uruvilva Kashyapa or Mahakashyapa, he was the eldest of the three Kashyapa brothers and among the Buddha’s earliest disciples. He was also India’s First Patriarch of Zen. [Lankavatara Sutra: Glossary. Page 458]

The Mahayanists expect they could become Buddhas by following these individuals.

The Flower Sermon (1036 AD) : the Buddha gathered his disciples together for a talk on Dharma. Instead of speaking, however, the Buddha simply held up a lotus flower in front of him without saying a word. “I possess the true Dharma eye, the marvelous mind of Nirvāṇa, the true form of the formless, the subtle Dharma gate that does not rest on words or letters but is a special transmission outside of the scriptures. This I entrust to Mahakasyapa.”

3.0. THE THIRD BUDDHIST COUNCIL:

Venerable Moggaliputta Tissa Thera led the 3rd Buddhist Council of Theravada School. That was not a schism as the outsiders were not the true members of the Sangha. However, the king supported them like the members of the Sangha.

Because it helped promote tolerance and mutual respect, Asoka desired that people should be well-learned (bahu sruta) in the good doctrines (kalanagama) of other people's religions. [The Edicts of King Asokaan, English rendering by Ven. S. Dhammika © 1994]

King Asoka was supporting everyone who claimed he belonged to the Dhamma-Vinaya community (the Sangha) established by the Sakyamuni. However, they did not join the Dhamma-Vinaya community, nor know, nor care the Buddha's teaching.
Venerable Moggaliputta Tissa Thera determined that "the Vibhajjavāda alone contained the teaching of the Buddha."

Rest of the monks who were true believers, told about the doctrine of the Buddha, that it was Vibhajjavāda i.e. the religion of analytical reasoning. This answer was supported by Moggaliputta-Tissa who was present there. He told that the Buddha was Vibhajjavādin (analyser). The Thera was made the gurdian of the Order. To purify the Sangha, the king requested to hold the Uposatha ceremony.

Uposatha

uposatha : [m.] Sabbath day; observance of 8 precepts; biweekly recitation of the Vinaya rules by a chapter of Buddhist monks.
Mūḷuposatha sutta (AN 3.70), (Bhikkhu Bodhi)

“There are, Visākhā, three kinds of uposatha. What three? The cowherds’ uposatha, the Nigaṇṭhas’ uposatha, and the noble ones’ uposatha [...] (3) “And how, Visākhā, is the noble ones’ uposatha observed? The defiled mind is cleansed by exertion. And how is the defiled mind cleansed by exertion?

The mentioned uposatha ceremony is for the monks to recite the Vinaya rules. It cannot be observed with the participation of the public, including the monks (and priests) from other religions.

[Uposatha (Thanissaro Bhikkhu)] The monastic observance may be held in one of four ways, depending on the size of the Community in a particular territory: If four bhikkhus or more, they meet for a recitation of the Pāṭimokkha; if three, they declare their mutual purity to one another; if two, they declare their purity to each other; if one, he marks the day by determining it as his uposatha. In addition to these regular observance days, the Buddha gave permission for a Community to recite the Pāṭimokkha only on one other occasion: when unity has been reestablished in the Community. This, the Commentary says, refers only to occasions when a major dispute in the Community has been settled (such as a schism—see Chapter 21), and not to occasions when the uposatha has been suspended for minor reasons. Thus there are two occasions on which the bhikkhus are allowed to meet for the uposatha: the last day of the lunar fortnight and the day for reestablishing unity.

The public uposatha is open to everyone, including non-Buddhists. The participants are expected to observe a set of uposatha sīla, either 8, 9 or 10 (aṭṭha-sīla, navanga-sīla or dasa-sīla).
uposathika : [adj.] one who observes [uposatha] precepts.

Aṭṭha-sīla 8 (Uposatha, Uposatha-sīla): 6. Vikālabhojanā veramaṇī； 7. Naccagītavāditavisūkadassanā mālāgandhavilepanadhāraṇamaṇanavibhūsanaṭṭhānā veramaṇī； 8. Uccāsayanamahāsayanā veramaṇī;

On the basis of not-Dhamma as ‘Dhamma’… Dhamma as ‘not-Dhamma’… not-Vinaya as ‘Vinaya’… Vinaya as ‘not-Vinaya’, Emperor Asoka expelled the non-Vibhajjavādis who could not observe the uposatha, including the Sarvāstivādis, from the Sangha.

[Schism (Thanissaro Bhikkhu)] Ven. Upāli: “‘A split in the Community, a split in the Community (saṅgha-bheda)’ it is said. To what extent is the Community split?” The Buddha: “There is the case where they explain not-Dhamma as ‘Dhamma’… Dhamma as ‘not-Dhamma’… not-Vinaya as ‘Vinaya’… Vinaya as ‘not-Vinaya’… [...] a light offense as ‘a heavy offense’… a heavy offense as ‘a light offense’… an offense leaving a remainder as ‘an offense leaving no remainder’… an offense leaving no remainder as ‘an offense leaving a remainder’… a serious offense as ‘a not-serious offense’… a not-serious offense as ‘a serious offense.’ On the basis of these eighteen grounds they pull away, pull apart, they perform a separate uposatha, perform a separate Invitation, perform a separate Community transaction. To this extent the Community is split.”—Cv.VII.5.2

Devadatta caused the first schism on the basic of Vinaya rules. The Vajjian monks caused the second schism on the same ground. The Sangha established by the Sakyamuni was attacked several times from within.

Vibhajjavādi Dhamma Missions

Emperor Asoka sent forth nine missionaries to nine different countries to propagate the religion of the Buddha and crowned it with success... also the Bhikkuni Sangha in Aparantaka, Suvannabhumi and Ceylon.

Emperor Asoka sent his son and daughter, Arahant Maha Mahinda Thera and Arahant Sanghamitta Theri, to Sri Lanka, where the events of the 3rd Buddhist Council were recorded.
"Arahant Mahinda, who introduced the Buddhadhamma to Sri Lanka, is the Redactor of the Buddhapåjàva in Sinhala Buddhism."
Sri Lanka became a foothold of the Dhamma-Vinaya Tradition. Suvannabhumi was also a foothold where Thera-vada Buddhism thrives presently.

Vibhajjavādi Dhamma Paṭisambhidā-ñāṇa

Analytical Knowledge (Paṭisambhidā-ñāṇa) allows the arahants to reason and teach in detail analytically. Understanding the nature of the Teachings of the Buddha and the Sangha, Venerable Moggaliputta Tissa Thera described them as Vibhajjavādis. That is Theravada, the doctrine of the arahants. Dhamma paṭisambhidā-ñāṇa is the ability to analytically and in detail explain the nature of reality.
The Buddha as an awakened sage is neither a theorist nor a philosopher. Theravada is not philosophy. The Buddha is an arahant.
The Buddha's disciples, who are also arahants, know the Four Noble Truths through their own observation and release from delusion. Knowing modern views and modern science is not their task. They are not philosophers and philosophical scholars. They do not claim to possess omniscience.

Titthiya Sutta (Sectarians):

[The Buddha advises the monks,] you should answer those wanderers of other sects in this way, ‘Friends, passion carries little blame and is slow to fade. Aversion carries great blame and is quick to fade. Delusion carries great blame and is slow to fade. [Thanissaro Bhikkhu]

3.1. Kaccānagotta Sutta (Right View)

Kaccānagotta Sutta Pali:

‘sammādiṭṭhi sammādiṭṭhī’ti, bhante, vuccati. Kittāvatā nu kho, bhante, sammādiṭṭhi hotī’’ti?... ‘‘‘Sabbaṃ atthī’ti kho, kaccāna, ayameko anto. ‘Sabbaṃ natthī’ti ayaṃ dutiyo anto. Ete te, kaccāna, ubho ante anupagamma majjhena tathāgato dhammaṃ deseti – ‘avijjāpaccayā saṅkhārā; saṅkhārapaccayā… L. Feer, Saṃyutta-nikāya,V. 16 —[copied from Early Buddhism: A New Definition (Vijitha Kumara, page 130)]

• sammādiṭṭhi : right view
• What is the right view, bhante?

Sarvāstivāda

Sarvāstivāda means "those who claim that everything exists" [...] the Sarvāstivādins suggest that "everything," that is all conditioned factors (dharma), "exist" and can exert causal efficacy in the three time periods of the past, present, and future. [Sarvastivada And Mulasarvastivada (Encyclopedia.com)]

The main Sarvāstivādi concept 'all dhamma exist in all three times' was familiar to the Buddha, not because He taught it, but because He rejected it.

'Everything exists': That is one extreme. 'Everything doesn't exist': That is a second extreme. Avoiding these two extremes, the Tathagata teaches the Dhamma via the middle: From ignorance as a requisite condition come fabrications (saṅkhārā). From fabrications as a requisite condition comes consciousness. [Kaccānagotta Sutta (SN 12:15) (Thanissaro Bhikkhu)]

Somehow, that concept, despite the Buddha's famous rejection, came to associate with Buddhism once again, not because the Buddha taught it, but the outsiders made it as if the Buddha accepted it.
We, too, must reject the notion of 'everything exists' just the way the Buddha rejected it. The rejection is also present in the paṭicca samuppāda, as He explains:

Imagine two sheaves of reeds the one leaning against the other. In the same way consciousness depends on named-shapes, named shapes depend on consciousness [...] birth depends on existing, aging and death depend on birth — the coming into existence of upset, grief, lamentation, pain and misery. [...] If, however, friend, I were to remove one of those sheaves of reeds one would fall down if I were to remove the other the other would fall down. — SN 5.67 [Dependant Uprising, Downbound Dependent Own-making (Dependent Origination, Conditioned Genesis, The Causal Law),

The Paṭicca Samuppāda provides two sheaves of reeds that support each other, but one of them can be removed to topple them both. When they are toppled, we cannot say everything exists. The Buddha's Dhamma, which shows us the four Paramattha, is nothing like a "dharma theory" that was created by the Sarvāstivādis.
Kaccānagotta Sutta continues:

[The Buddha:] By & large, Kaccayana, this world is supported by (takes as its object) a polarity, that of existence & non-existence. But when one sees the origination of the world as it actually is with right discernment, 'non-existence' with reference to the world does not occur to one. When one sees the cessation of the world as it actually is with right discernment, 'existence' with reference to the world does not occur to one. "By & large, Kaccayana, this world is in bondage to attachments, clingings (sustenances), & biases

3.2. Vibhajyavāda & The Present Dhamma

The Tibetan Buddhist Encyclopedia:

vibhajyavāda; A school of thought doctrinally opposed to the Sarvāstitvāda. holds that the present dharma-s alone exist. However, some among them like the followers of the Kāśyapīya, concede that the past karma that have not yet given fruit (adatta-phala) can also be said to exist.

Here is a part of Magganga Dipani by Ledi Sayadaw:

kammassakata samma-ditthi Sabbesatta kammadayada, kamayoni, kammabandhu kammappatisarana yam kammam karissanti kalyanam va papakam va tassadayada bhavissanti. Sabbe satta kammassaka: There exist such properties as elephants, horses, vehicles, cattle, fields, buildings, gold, silver, jewels, etc. Those properties can be said to belong to us in the present existence before we pass away. But when we pass away those properties do not accompany us beyond death. They are like properties which we borrow for some time for our use. They are liable to destruction during the present existence. As those properties which beings possess do not accompany them to their new existences, they cannot be claimed as properties belonging to those beings. The Buddha therefore said, 'sabbe satta kammassaka.' The only property of all beings that accompanies them is their own volitional action... [Ledi Sayadaw explains the entire thing here.]

• Venerable Mogok Sayadaw warned us to avoid sassata ditthi, the belief in permanence (nicca), 'eternity-belief'. Based on his explanation: A kamma (action) exists while it is happening between the start and the end. For example, feeding an animal: this action exists only while that animal is fed. That action cannot exist before and after that animal is fed. However, as if following the doers, the potential effect of certain wholesome and unwholesome kamma (volition) is inevitable.

Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta

Furthermore, bhikkhus, this is the dukkha ariya·sacca: jāti is dukkha, jarā is dukkha (sickness is dukkha) maraṇa is dukkha, association with what is disliked is dukkha, dissociation from what is liked is dukkha, not to get what one wants is dukkha; in short, the five upādāna'k'khandhas are dukkha.

• The Buddha introduced the Dukkha Sacca in His first sermon.
• Vedayita-dukkha: The truth is dukkha are birth, aging, death, association with what is disliked, dissociation from what is liked, and not to get what one wants.
• Bhayattha-dukkha: The truth is the constant fear of these dukkha is also dukkha.
• Due to the past wholesome and unwholesome kamma, one gets birth, aging, death, etc.
• However, Beings born in the sugati-loka do not suffer from birth, aging, and bodily pain (kayika-dukkha), as these dukkha do not exist there.
• The past unwholesome kamma do not affect these beings during their existence in sugati-loka, especially the arupa-brahmas.
• The Buddha understood the followers of Nigaṇṭha (the Nigaṇṭhas) did not know the existence of the sugati-loka. Thus, they were speculators who fell into sassatavada (eternalism) and ucchedavada (nihilism/annihilation). Details can be read here: The Buddhist Critique of Sassatavada and Ucchedavada: The Key to a proper Understanding of the Origin and the Doctrines of early Buddhism (Y. Karunadasa).
• In the Devadaha Sutta, the Buddha pointed out the mistakes of these Nigaṇṭhas.

Devadaha Sutta (the Law of Kamma)

[MN 101] “‘So, friends, it seems that you don’t know that you existed in the past, and that you did not not exist… you don’t know what is the abandoning of unskillful qualities and the attainment of skillful qualities in the here & now. That being the case, it is not proper for you to assert that, “Whatever a person experiences—pleasure, pain, or neither pleasure nor pain—all is caused by what was done in the past. Thus, with the destruction of old [kamma] through asceticism, and with the non-doing of new actions, there will be no flow into the future. With no flow into the future, there is the ending of [kamma]. With the ending of [kamma], the ending of [dukkha]. With the ending of [dukkha], the ending of feeling. With the ending of feeling, all [dukkha] will be exhausted.” (Thanissaro Bhikkhu)

• If the present is completely conditioned by the past [kamma] and if we could not break that condition to do new kamma in a condition not determined by the past, then at this present we could not even do anything intentionally (kamma) as our action would be restrained by the past kamma.

A Vibhajjavādi cannot accept Sarvāstivāda's notion of the three times:

all dharmas exist in the past, present and future, the "three times".

Past and future exist at this present moment implies they merge with the present time. Yesterday and tomorrow are today and they are so every day without meaning one can live yesterday and tomorrow today. If one's injury healed yesterday, both injury and healing exist today, right now. For three times doctrine (Sarvāstivāda), dead people are dead, alive and exist at all stages and every moment of time. Even though one has reborn countless times, one still lives in the past lives and also the future lives. One has lived the past infinity and the future infinity. As the future has also been lived, there is no way to change the future, so what will happen will happen — according to the God one believes. After one passes away, one will relive the same life again and again countless times in the past and the future. Someone who will become a Buddha is already a Buddha. Someone who will go to hell is already in hell while living this life as a human.
Rational and irrational people, including the physicists, philosophers, writers and filmmakers, took the doctrine of three times seriously and imagined time machines.
Assuming kamma (action) exists constantly (past, present and future) constitutes sassata ditthi (eternalism). Assuming actions and their effects do not exist constitutes ahetukaditthi (view of uncausedness) — see the 8th question on page181 of this book: Milindapanha: kammaphalaatthibhavapanha. King Milinda asked many questions about kamma. The answers of wisemen and philosophers of the time did not satisfy the king. He got the answers only when he met Venerable Nagasena; see A SEARCH FOR THE LEARNED (TALENT HUNT), pages12-16.
Venerable Nagasena explained how the future is yet to exist:

Can anyone point out the fruits that a tree has not yet produced, saying: “Here they are, there they are”?” [See 3.2. QUESTION REGARDING VALIDITY OF FRUIT AND RESULT OF WHOLESOME AND UNWHOLESOME]

Real is the present; the past is gone; the future is yet to exist. That is the knowledge of the arahants.
Every action has the process of existence: birth, decay and death. Understanding anicca can abandon sakkaya ditthi.
Sakkaya ditthi is a sense with which one perceives a nama-rupa complex as me, you, he, she, it, cat, dog and so on.

Right View according to the Sakyamuni

The Buddha and His disciples visited Vesāli, the capital of the Vajjians, several times, and many arahants were made there. Saccaka, who the Buddha addressed as Aggivessana, was a famous Jain teacher of the Licchavi rājās. They accompanied Saccaka when he went to challenge the Buddha. There a famous debate on anattavada occurred, as recorded in the famous Cula-Saccaka Sutta.

[The Buddha asked,] “Well, Aggivessana, when you say that [rūpa] is self, do you have power over that [rūpa]. Can you have your [rūpa] be any different than it is?” Saccaka could not answer and remained silent [...] “Released they are endowed with unsurpassed Right View, unsurpassed practice, and unsurpassed release. Released, they honor and respect the Tathagata in this manner: The Buddha teaches the Dhamma for awakening (to Four Noble Truths), the Buddha teaches the Dhamma to develop restraint, the Buddha teaches the Dhamma for developing tranquility, the Buddha teaches the Dhamma for ending samsara (ignorance). The Buddha teaches the Dhamma for total unbinding.” (John Haspel).

• [rūpa]: The four mahabhuta (solid, liquid, gas, heat), each changes according to its nature.
• Self (atta) means the owner or arbitor of the five aggregates of clinging.
• do you have power over that [rūpa]: None of the five aggregates is self (atta).
• Vesāli became a Buddhist capital after the debate. But not all the Nigaṇṭhas were happy. Their attack on the Buddha and the Sangha never stopped. They succeeded only after a few centuries later.

3.3. QUESTION REGARDING VALIDITY OF FRUIT AND RESULT OF WHOLESOME AND UNWHOLESOME

(kammaphalaatthibhavapanha page181) 8. King Milinda said: “If, O Venerable Nagasena, with the (present) Mind-body-complex (nama-rupa) either wholesome or unwholesome kammical actions were performed where will the fruit and result of those actions (kamma) be located?” “The fruit and result of kammical actions tend to follow the Mind-body-complex, O King, like a shadow that never leaves it.” (So replied the Elder.) “Now what do you think, O King? Can any one point out the fruits which a tree has not yet produced, saying: “Here they are, there they are”?” (So asked the Elder.) “Not possible it is, O Venerable One.” (So replied the king.)

• Shadow means the potential. As long as the tree exists, the potential of fruiting of that tree exists. The fruits will be on that tree, not elsewhere. The potential never leaves the tree.
• Mahayana created the concept of Ālayavijñāna (storehouse consciousness).
  • Ālayavijñāna is also regarded as the store house of vāsanas and karmic tendencies (vāsanāparibhāvita and sarvabījaka). However, it is neither the permanent identity of a person nor a form of collective unconscious. Continuous build-up and discharge of karmic tendencies cause the ever-changing nature of ālaya-vijñāna. [Wisdom Lib]
• Compare ālayavijñāna with indestructable buddha-nature. Buddha-nature is also vijñāna/citta. Awareness is Buddha-nature.
  • [Breakthrough Sermon, Bodhidharma:] The Sutra of the Ten Stages says, “In the body of mortals is the indestructible buddha-nature [...] Our buddha-nature [the self-nature of Buddha] is awareness: to be aware and to make others aware. To realize awareness is liberation.
  • be­cause garbha (which nearly always means 'embryo' in Sanskrit) is translated by ts'ang, ( = 'womb'; lit. 'storehouse'), a certain vacuum was created in the Chinese vocabulary which the terms fo hsing and fo hsin ( = buddha-citta) neatly filled. [Rawlinson, Andrew. "The Ambiguity of the Buddha-Nature Concept in India and China."]
  • Ālayavijñāna belongs to or a part of buddha-nature (buddha-citta).
  • According to the concept of citta-matrata

THE NIYAMA-DIPANI The Manual of Cosmic Order Mahathera Ledi Sayadaw

[Kamma-Niyama] The moral order--Kamma (action) is that by which men execute, deeds, good or evil, meritorious or the opposite. What is it ? It is volition (cetana), moral or immoral. We are told in the Pali texts: 'By action, Bhikkhus, I mean volition. It is through having willed that a man does something in the form of deed, speech or thought.'

The nama-rupa process, which occurs according to the law of paticcasamuppada (Pratītya-Samutpāda), is like a tree; See 2.3. PATICCASAMUPPADA. The nama-rupa process, which occurs due to the niyama(s) other than kamma niyama, is outside the law of paticcasamuppada but not unrelated.

Naked Kassapa

The ascetic Acelakassapa put forward four theories of origination of suffering and wanted to know Buddha’s answer to them. [Dependent Origination and the Buddhist Theory of Relativity (Kottegoda S. Warnasuriya (page 154)]
"'He who performs the act also experiences [the result]' — what you, Kassapa, first called 'suffering caused by oneself' — this amounts to the Eternalist[3] theory. [Acela Sutta: Naked Kassapa]

An action was done by a doer, not someone else. However, the doer and the action (kamma) can exist only during the action is being done, not before or after. The doer happens to exist because of doing. The doer and doing exists at the same time. Action and doer don't exist outside doing or before or after the action is done.
Saying there is no doer falls into ahetukavada and probably uccedavada, too, as 'no doer' means 'nobody is responsible' to take the consequences. When the action is done, it becomes a seed that grows into a tree (as nama-rupa process) according to the paticcasamuppada law. The fruiting or consequences of volition (kamma/seed) will appear on this tree.

Of Causal Genesis [Mahathera Ledi Sayadaw (contrinues)]

Paticcasamuppada is Causal Genesis or Dependent Origination (Process). The key words are depdendent and process. The process depends on the action done by the doer, which no longer exists by the next stage of the process. For example, a sound comes out after the drummer hit a drum with a drumstick. The birth of the sound is dependent on the hitting process, but the sound itself is independent to be in the law of impermanence—no butterfly-effect here.
That is how things exist, but not "everything exists".

okay so basically i'm going into a global T10 for a major in chemistry in the fall and i cooked on my ap exam to a degree but i also made a lot of dumb mistakes on the frq since we had a first year ap teacher that we only got 2 practices with and im scared of not getting a 5 (unless the curve is wonderful) 💀 for reference i think i did pretty well on the mcq but for the benefit of the doubt in case my ego was inflated at the time, i'm gonna assume i missed 20 questions tops (in reality i feel like i got 10 wrong tops but i wanna also be realistic because some of those questions felt tooooo easy). long questions i probably got a 6 - 10 - 10. but on the short questions i probably got a 3 - 4 - 1 - 2 (💀💀) everyone's saying the cut off is probably gonna be an 80% this year because form O wasn't hard (i agree despite my mistakes) and i'm sooo cooked
should i just switch my major at this point omg it's gonna be so embarrassing if i'm trying to apply as a chem major but get a 4 on this exam 😭😭 maybe i'm just overthinking it but i feel like theyre definitely gonna think i'm too dumb for their chemistry program since it's in the top 10 global rankings for chemistry, even if the majority of my mistakes were stupid mistakes
shitting myself

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, we met here in Florida while she was working on a yacht. She currently has a 10 year b1/b2 and still works on the same yacht. She’s from South Africa and I get to see her very often and for months at a time because her boat is frequently docked near my house. I am a 26 y/o teacher and USC and we want a permanent life together. We have no false intentions with our relationship, we very much love each other and are not worried about proving this. We both really enjoy traveling and don’t want to stay in the state’s permanently but would like to be able to both reside AND work here for quite a bit of time.
My concern is if she came to visit me on her B1/B2 and we got married, would that be suspicious or fraudulent. We could get married abroad but my other concern is could she return to the states for work/visiting me on her b1/b2 after we file a CR-1.
She doesn’t want to work on a yacht forever but I don’t want to take that ability away from her by applying for the CR-1. If she quit yachting I don’t see a way she could work in the states without waiting to get a work authorization form approved like I-765, which I know can take months. She’s got a mortgage in South Africa to pay and it would be hard to support the two of us and her mortgage as I am a teacher.
I would like for us to be together as much as possible and from what I understand is the foreign spouse is not allowed to enter the US while waiting for the CR-1 approval, which doesn’t make much sense to me, I’ve also read that she is not allowed to leave the US while waiting for approval...
I’m pretty lost on a lot of this if anyone has any advice where to start, thank you all so much!