Our forefathers maintained frame in an overt and sometimes callused way and this was effective for a time but it left too many niggling chinks that women could sink their nails into. Today a man has a plethora of tools that he can use to build and maintain the framework of his relationship that do not necessarily require overt means. Here are a few of the things that have worked well for me:

• Have an office that locks with a keyed lock and a policy of non-interruption when you are in your office. Before ever moving a woman in or even considering marriage this needs to be in the plans. My general rule for the wife and kids is that there is no knocking on my door unless I need to answer the front door or there is a true emergency.
  
• Do not work from home as a rule. Maintaining the frame is far easier when you leave every day and do not return home until it suits you. Change up your arrival times from the beginning and I recommend at least once a month you stay out late for whatever reason after work with a short text or at most a one minute call. If you start this process early in the relationship and keep it up then you can expand it or reduce it as needed to suit your mission. But, if you are Mr. reliable from day one and leaving and showing back up at the same time everyday then you probably do not have much going on in life.
  
• Install cameras outside of your home and control the router and internet. There will be far less drama and a much lower likelihood of cheating if your woman knows that you know without a doubt when she is coming and going and what she is wearing when she does so. You are increasing the effort she will have to put into cheating if she does decide to go down that road. Do not give her access to the administrative side of either of these, ever.
  
• Set a frame of leaving when you want to and with little or no expectation and also of always asking her where she is going. A motorcycle habit is a great way to both establish and maintain this dynamic. “I am going to ride” is all I have to say when I am leaving for hours. I can ride across town to my side chick's house or I can volunteer for hours at the homeless shelter and it is all covered by the habit of motorcycling glory.
  
• Have a few places and/or people you workout with or do martial arts with. I usually work out at home but about once a week I like to train with a buddy or at a different gym just to break up the monotony of training. I really love hot yoga because nothing seems to help both my energy and overall vitality than this practice. There are always solid tens in my classes but I am not there for them and truly love the training. Not too long ago FO joined me for a class and was a row behind me in class. There was a group of twenty something girls that came up to me after class to ask me how I got so good at yoga. How effectively do you think this creates dread?
  
• After you have your shit handled at home and your place is running smoothly it is time to start joining organizations that other men of influence are a part of and volunteering to build your community. I won’t list the organizations here because I do not want to dox myself but this is pretty self- explanatory. Understand, there will always be shit to overcome when you are the new guy in the group and are obviously more fit, with better game, and are in charge of your life. This is not the average guy's experience and they will initially test you hard to see if you can stand the heat, treat it just like any other shit test. Bonus: this will be the masculine initiation that most of you have missed out on since your youth and desperately need so hang in there until you are a functional part of the group at a minimum. This can take six months to two years depending on the culture of the group and you can significantly speed up this process by finding out who the leaders are before joining and befriending them outside of the group prior to exposure to the group. The other way to speed this up is to take on the tasks that serve the group that are less desirable like making venue arrangements or ordering food for an event in advance or getting permits, etc.
  

All of these assume that you have your shit together at home and will not fall apart in your absence. This is too tall an order for most of you now but use it as motivation for what is achievable if you stay with the sidebar for a few years and continue building value. If you find that more and more problems are magically appearing when you are not at home then you should suspect sabotage and there are a couple of easy ways to handle this. If you are married then hire the most attractive women that you can to take care of the problems that are popping up in your absence. When I was married to a woman that would consistently sabotage my Saturday networking events by creating problems out of thin air this was a great tactic to remind her that she was replaceable. I did end up replacing her with one of the women that would help me with her bullshit and I have zero regrets. My housekeepers are always beautiful and for some reason I find that I only ever need their services for a couple of weeks before my FO figures out how to incorporate the added cleaning into her routine, stay on mission. The beautiful thing about all of this is now that I am a commodity in many circles it is much more difficult to fuck with my status and so my current FO fully supports everything I do and eagerly fucks the springs out of the mattress every time I am home for an evening without me applying ANY effort to her.
So, class, pop quiz: How do you establish an office for yourself in the home if you are already married and on the beta for life plan? Answer in the comments. Do you have not so obvious tools that you use to maintain your frame? Discuss below.

So i went on a date with one girl and after that i am insecure about how does she feel towards me. Before the date she was very interested into me, would want to talk to me and even she asked me if i have a girlfriend before the date. She first followed me on the instagram right on her birthday morning because she saw me on the geography quiz so she definetly had some feelings for me. She was also flirty before the date. On the date we sat together and she had positive and shy body language. She was resting her arms on her knees and rotating phone. She would look at me from time to time with widened eyes. She seemed nervous thought. We had a pretty good conversation, both of us were asking questions to each other and i even did manage to make her laugh few times. Apart from school she was mostly interested into my job and my scholarship. I did everything perfect. I was well dressed, i did take a bath before the date and i was confident and wasnt nervous at all. I talked to her like i would to my friend, i even gave her support and advices on her problems. I invited her to go for a drink but she rejected it two times. Her excuse was that her parents think shes not for drinking. Conversation lasted half an hour where she needed to go to meet with her friend. She just stood up, walked away and said "see you". She didnt even looked at me in the eyes. I was surprised it lasted so short and that she left so quickly. Since then i am insecure about her. I texted her after the date that i had good time when we were together and she just left a heart on it, no response. I got even more insecure because she didnt say "me too" or something like that. Next day i asked her what she i doing and she just answered like "nothing much, i am at my aunts house" but didnt ask what i am doing. I asked her when her graduation is and she said it is tomorrow and asked me why i ask, is it informative or i want to come. I said that i depends and that i understand if she doesnt want me to come. She basically rejected by saying "well fuck, my whole family will be there" (btw her graduation is a public event in my city so anyone can come). My head started to hurt after that and i started overdosing on antianxiety meds. I am also becoming more depressive. What did i do wrong?? Why is she so cold towards me now and isnt texting me? I am scared i did something bad on our date but i just cannot think of a thing. Btw i am 17 and shes 15. Thanks for reading

A little backstory: what's usually means a lot of backstory LOL but here goes:
My sister-in-law was born with a lot of medical complications. She has had numerous surgeries before she reached adulthood, and plenty more as an adult. She is a miracle baby, and despite many bad diagnosis she has overcome many of them. Her life is a full but complicated one, that I am very proud to be a part of.
She has very limited mobility, she can use a walker minimally, cannot walk on her own at all, she needs to be able to hold on to walls, railings, or she can also be guided with a gate belt, or your hands. She's also has very limited vision, adding to some of the mobility issues. Mostly in public she uses a wheelchair, that is manual, and whoever companies her pushes her and said wheelchair. She can transfer to chairs, the car, on her own for the most part, but needs to be watched and guided.
Her and I clicked immediately. She was the first person in my partners family I connected to, and our friendship is very genuine and close. A few years ago I became her PCA. She didn't like day programs due to her having social issues. She has very limited but hyper focused interests, and doesn't like to talk about much outside of them, so it is very difficult for her to socialize with others who arent understanding of this.
Her birth parents are also quiz essential "my daughter is handicapped so I have to do little thing for her" parents who I have come across a lot in my career. It isn't an out of ordinary thing, but the lack of doing things for oneself and lack of Independence can cause great issues. Her parents divorced at a young age and it was very tough on her. There have been a few Court battles over custody of her, and it has been a wild ride. All of this drama has been over for at least a decade before her and I met. Addiction also runs in the family, although not very obviously, and very high functioning. Due to her birth mother neglecting her in her early years after the divorce, and not feeding her proper meals, she's developed this fixation on food. Her birth father remarried rather quickly after the divorce, and her stepmother and her family are all wonderful people who have worked a lot with people with disabilities, or the elderly, or group homes, etc etc. They have made great strides in my SIL's life and well-being. But they also work full-time, on top of managing many things like aging parents, live in grandchildren, cooking meals, etc. This is one of the reasons why I was able to step in as a PCA.
Currently she is just under 5 ft tall, and the last time I attended a doctor appointment with her a year ago, she was 243 lb s. She has since gained weight, because her clothes are no longer fitting. It is becoming a great issue, because not only is this a concern for an average person, someone with very limited mobility being this overweight is extremely dangerous and detrimental to her independence.
In the past before I was in the picture, there was a short period of time where the whole family (dad, stepmom, grandparents, and her) got very into eating well and fitness. She learned healthier habits, and stuck to them for a while and lost weight. But a few years before covid, the habit started slipping, and when covid hit, a lot changed. I started becoming her PCA towards the end of covid.
Every activity, volunteer work, project, that we do is somehow connected to food. She's been volunteering at two places for many years, when her father worked from home, and he was able to take her to them. After she completed her volunteer work, he always took her out to lunch at a fast food restaurant, or got her ice cream at an ice cream shop. And this girl doesn't just want two scoops of ice cream on a cone. She wants a large Sunday with all the fixings and three extra toppings on it, and when you try to talk her out of it she has a lot of temper tantrums, manipulation tactics etc. she also hates any form of exercise, and currently the average amount of exercise she gets daily is walking around the house a little bit to the bathroom, walking out to the car when we go somewhere, and then walking either to her wheelchair or if it's close to her destination and sitting.
It is an unspoken agreement that when her primary caregivers get too old that she will most likely wind up in my care. What is fine, I am completely okay with this and prepared for it. But what worries me is the excess weight, and her only getting bigger and bigger. Her and I are the same age. So by the time she's in her elderly years so will I. I already have delicate joints due to contracting Lymes disease at a very young age. I worry that if she gets too big she will no longer be able to walk or move at all, and it will be a situation of having to roll her to change a nappy, give her sponge bath throughout the week, and doing a once or twice a week big shower that would be an hour or two long event. I gently encourage her everyday to make better choices and to exercise a little bit more. Her family follows through for the most point, but they also enable her greatly. For instance, she's an extremely picky eater, and only likes junk. She will eat a salad, but she doesn't like tomatoes in it, green peppers, olives, onions, celery, kale, any fancy lettuce, or any other nutritious vegetable. It just has to be lettuce, carrots, red or orange bell pepper. She also has to have croutons on it, on top of crispy fried onions, and tortilla strips. She then drowns it in ranch dressing. Her stepmother and I have been slowly adding less and less of the fattier ingredients, but still it's not enough. She also eats this after eating a huge plate of dinner, as a agreement not to have a second or third portion. They claim it's better than her not eating vegetables, and it's the only way to get a salad into her so they view it as a compromise. I would agree with this if that were her meal and she had some chopped up chicken in it or something. But I'm not the one who raised her, and I have to tiptoe with my opinions on things very carefully.
In the past her father has been very tough on staff whenever they try to bring up issues they have with her. It seemed that every day program, group situation, PCA, or PARA she has worked with has been some horrible problem. He is the typical blame everything on staff and his daughter is doing nothing wrong, and they aren't doing their job type of parent. While as a father-in-law, he is great. I adore him, he is one of my best buddies, and in the in law department I feel like I've hit the jackpot. But I know I have to be very gentle when I approach situations regarding my sister-in-law. I can be more Frank with her stepmom about issues, because she understands, but generally she's at work and I don't want to wear her out with more stuff when she gets home. Her father works from home owning his own business, and is around during the day to talk to and help out.
Yesterday we went to the movies. This is something we do about once a month, or if there's something she likes that's playing. She doesn't want to go to a movie she doesn't want to see, but she also likes the movie going experience. She also loves popcorn, especially movie theater popcorn. She usually wants candy along with a drink, which tends to be a pretty hefty price, so I always get candy at the dollar store before we go. And I'm also not the one paying for the outing.
I am also on a diet right now. I am trying to get into better shape because I never lost my pregnancy weight, and my daughter is like eight now LOL. I have been meal prepping and on a big health kick. Her stepmom is also on a big health kick. This where is my sister-in-law because the last time her primary caregivers were on healthcare, she wound up on one too and wasn't very happy about it LOL.
Usually when we order our snacks at concessions, when the employee asked if we want extra butter, I usually hint at no, shake my head no, or say no. My SIL always wants extra butter. She wants so much butter that it'll soak through the popcorn holder and leak on to her pants. This is also how her father orders her popcorn at movies or other events. Yesterday before I could signal to the employee, she asked for a lot of extra butter. It was a large popcorn, and we got two medium drinks. I got a diet coke, she got a lemonade iced tea mix.
While the previews were playing, I looked up the calorie information on movie theater popcorn on the theater we were attending's website. Without extra butter a cup of movie theater popcorn is around 100 calories which is reasonable. So a large popcorn, which tends to be between 10 and 15 cups usually amounts to 1,000 to 1,500 calories. The extra butter, depending on the size of the popcorn, and how much the employee adds tends to be around 500 extra calories for a small, 500 to 800 extra calories on a medium, and about 600 to 900 extra calories on a large. After reading this and the nutritional value, I did not want to eat any of the popcorn. She finished the entire bucket, with just a little bit at the bottom. She also finished her entire drink, which was the size of a Big gulp cup you would get at a gas station. Since she didn't get diet soda, I'm guessing her drink had to at least have been 3 to 400 calories minimum. She also ate some candy which didn't amount to much, it was about half a bag of single serving size m&Ms. Not the ones you would put in a Halloween bag, but the one size up from that. So about the size of a Halloween bag one. She also had two nerds rope, and a couple of peach gummy rings. I didn't really add those to the grand total, and didn't want to make it a day of talking to her about food, I just wanted to enjoy the experience. I also couldn't have talked her out of the food, because the popcorn is her main reason for going to the movies. Every activity she does as I've stated before somehow circles around food.
When we get home, I was getting her situated and we were talking about how the movie was. She asked me what I thought of the popcorn, since this was our first time at this particular theater. I said I wasn't sure, I only tried a little bit because I don't usually eat movie theater popcorn when it has extra butter. Her father interrupts us jokingly acting shocked, stating you can't have movie popcorn without extra butter, making her laugh. He went back to work in the dining room, and I snuck out to him, and informed him that extra butter on the popcorn she ate probably was at least 500 calories, but was more likely closer to the 700 to 800 range. And that she ate almost the entire thing of popcorn, which was around 1200 calories without the extra butter. That with the drinks and the candy, was probably more than what she should eat in an entire day given her sedentary lifestyle, and her obesity. Her BMI I think is a 40 or a 50 I forget, but it's up there and it's a concern. I said it to him gently, and I danced around it the best I could. But he didn't look too happy hearing this information. I know there's no way in hell he 100% believes that she should be able to eat like this, and I've heard him make several comments about her overeating. It's been an issue we have all discussed, and agreed to work on. But it seems like he caves the most out of all of us. They also had waffles and ice cream for dinner last night. So that was probably another hefty amount of food. She probably ain't close to 4,000 calories yesterday because I forget what she had for breakfast but it's never healthy.
We've all been talking about making a healthier plan for her, and I don't want to be the bad guy all the time by being the one that pushes her about this the most, tries to limit her junk food intake the most I can, having her completely miserable and hating me all the time, while everyone else is giving her ice cream and 1200 calorie popcorn like it's nothing. After I made this comment, I can see a look of sadness in my father-in-law's eyes. I don't think he really wanted to hear me say that. But I also felt that it needed to be said. I also know my limits, and understand that I am not her guardian, and I do not make the rules regarding her care. But I do think I should be allowed some input, being that I spend a lot of time with her.
This conflict of interest is very tough on me, I didn't want to take the job when I was first offered it because I was afraid of situations like this. But the good from this job far outweighs the bad. I get to spend almost every day with my new best friend and sister, we get to go bowling, go swimming, do volunteer work, go to different events, go to the movies, make beautiful artwork together for her art show, bake and cook new things, think of all kinds of new projects, etc. I also really enjoy almost all of my in-laws, especially the ones that live with my sister-in-law. My partner's nieces also live in the house with my other sister-in-law, who I get to play with often, and generally enjoy their antics. The last thing I want to do is overstep, and jeopardize this job that I love. But I fear that if I don't start vocalizing some of these issues, they won't be addressed as quickly, and the situation could get worse. I understand that they have struggled with her weight her entire adult life, and much of her teenage years, I understand that it's extremely hard for her to exercise, with her limited mobility and her extreme dislike of exercise. I understand that some early traumas in her life as well as having the addict genetic causes her to have a very complicated relationship with food, and these things won't be solved overnight. I don't think they'll ever be truly solved, and that it'll be an ongoing lifestyle change, that we have to work on and keep up with.
Before I left last night, my father-in-law made a comment to me. We never argue, but I do know to read some of his jokes as serious information. He joked around about my sudden health nuttiness is causing me to overanalyze everyone else is eating habits. He said it in a funny way, I forgot the wording, and I believe part of him meant it as a joke as well. But I strongly believe another part of him meant it as telling me I am overstepping by seemingly judging what she eats at the movie theater or at other events.
I feel like I need a third party non-biased person to go to with my issues. I don't know how to go on from here, and I feel guilty about making such a big deal about the popcorn, when he was lightly trying to joke with his daughter. But these little light jokes and comments to cheer her up are doing a lot more harm than good, sometimes. And it's erroding all of the work and effort I've put into her, and others who have put into her.
But since I will likely be her caretaker in her old age, where she has a lot more health issues naturally, I feel like I have a right to say some of these things now, so I can hopefully build a few healthier habits with her, to make her and my life easier when we are elderly. Am I the a****** for overstepping on these things and having these concerns? Is this simply not my business, and I should continue doing my job? The last thing I want to do is make him or her family feel like they're failing her, or not doing enough. Because they go above and beyond for her everyday. And she, along with his other children are my father-in-law's true top priority.

Not all listings have been read (listened to?) by me. If you think it doesn't belong please let me know, and the reason why. Or if you have a recommendation, please share in the comments below!
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There is a master spreadsheet of HP Audio fics you can view here which includes ALL pairings and is updated periodically.

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Harmony Audios/Podifcs

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In The Forest Of Dean by T3Tohru
Summary: A complete rewrite of Book Seven with a darker and more dangerous outlook on war. Mostly Hermione-centric. Mostly follows canon but provides a different look at how the relationships in HP could have formed had Hermione realized that she and Ron did not fit well together and that Harry, her best friend, was really what she was looking for the whole time. The story of what could have happened between Harry and Hermione in the Deathly Hallows after Ron leaves.
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[Podfic] Children in Towers
istie
Summary:

Podfic commission of Children in Towers, by LexyPro.Author's summary:Heather Carlisle grew up with busy parents and a sister that's always been at her side for schemes and mischief. The two girls were shut away in their great aunt's summer home when they got their Hogwarts letters. At fourteen the two are broken out by a group called the Order of the Phoenix and Heather is told she's Harriet Potter,the girl who lived. But she's not sure how she feels about the Order's leader- Albus Dumbledore.

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[PodFic] - For Lack of a Bezoar
TheLastVoice
Summary:

Canon Divergence from HBP. When Harry fails to save Ron's life in Slughorn's office, he and Hermione are thrust into a search for answers. But the path is thornier than either of them could have possibly imagined.The PodFic version inspired by the blood-chilling yet moving story by Bolshevikmuppet99.Adapted for Podfic in the style of Graphic Audio (includes cinematic music and sound effects)Fic Complete. PodFic WIP.

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Unlocking Christmas Joy by PTwritesmore - a Podfic
Cailynwrites
Summary:

Hermione is just a friend and a roommate? Right? Right?! Spend Christmas Eve with Harry and Hermione at 12 Grimmauld Place several years after Hogwarts and a few weeks after a comment by Ron deeply confuses Harry.

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The Voice in the Night
flipflop_diva, pensnest
Summary:

There were a lot of words Hermione Granger would have used to describe Hogwarts castle over the years, but creepy was never one of them. Until tonight. Set post-Deathly Hallows.

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Hermione's Favourite Gift
Author: tychesong
Summary: Every year, Harry and Ron compete to see who can give Hermione the best Christmas present. One of them knows what she wants more than anything else...
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Words [podfic]
quaetzalcoatl
Summary:

She has no vocabulary for war.

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Unlocking Christmas Joy by PTwritesmore - a Podfic
Cailynwrites
Summary:

Hermione is just a friend and a roommate? Right? Right?! Spend Christmas Eve with Harry and Hermione at 12 Grimmauld Place several years after Hogwarts and a few weeks after a comment by Ron deeply confuses Harry.

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[Podfic] Guardian Angel
Podfics by Juuls (Juulna)
Summary:

As an Unspeakable, Hermione is sent back in time to tend to a very special someone.

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It's Always Been You by ColubrinaAlt Link
Summary:

Ron leaves Harry and Hermione during the Horcrux hunt.

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What If Harry Was In Slytherin - FULL STORY
What if Harry Potter had been sorted into Slytherin like the sorting hat wanted, instead of Gryffindor where he ended up? We've stitched together all of our main videos covering this topic into two big parts! Part 1 includes everything from Philosopher's Stone through Goblet of Fire! Enjoy!
Part 2 includes everything from Order of the Phoenix through Deathly Hallows!
Part 1 Part 2
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[Podfic] The Quiz
Serdd
Summary:

Fed up with fan-girls after him Harry submits a Quiz to Witch Weekly. What will the results be? One Shot, H/Hr

[Podfic] The Answers
Serdd
Summary:

Sequel to The Quiz please read that one before this. Harry now knows who Tiger Lily is the question is how does he react.

[Podfic] The Consequences
Serdd
Summary:

Sequel to The Quiz and The Answers. Find out what the consequences to the quiz were including an interview with everyone's favourite reporter Rita.

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[Podfic] Taking a Wrong Turn, Turned Out Right
Serdd
Summary:

Harry, under duress, made a split second decision that turned out very right.

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Harmony+ Audios/Podifcs

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Stars and Scars by Aneiria - a Podfic
Cailynwrites, ETL_Echo_Audiobooks
Summary:

Hermione Granger's life was going quite nicely, thank you very much. The war was long over, and she had a great job and wonderful friends.The last thing she needed was a relationship.But fate, it seems, has other plans... HARRY/HERMIONE/DRACO

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Running from Lions [podfic]
seeking_semperfiona
Summary:

Podfic of Running from Lions, by trysloraOriginal Summary:The war is done and his parents are gone, and Draco decides it is time to rebuild the Malfoy name. But in reaching out to the Ministry for one simple project of cataloging artifacts, Draco gets more than he bargained for. Much more. Wishes aren’t simple things, it turns out. HARRY/HERMIONE/DRACO

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[Podfic] Music Plays, the Figures Dance
seeking_semperfiona
Summary:

Podfic of "Music Plays, the Figures Dance" by trysloraAuthor's original summary:Harry and Hermione have a surprise for Draco during the Malfoy All Hallow's Eve Ball. HARRY/HERMIONE/DRACO

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[Podfic] Beautiful Surprise
seeking_semperfiona
Summary:

Podfic of part 3 of the Running from Lions series, "Beautiful Surprise"Author's original summary:An attempt to catalog magical artifacts turned into an unexpected marriage with the surprise loves of his life. Draco has no idea why he expected planning for children to be any easier. HARRY/HERMIONE/DRACO

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'Ariadna Turner' and the Notebooks of Discovery
AlexSeanchai, read by (bluedreaming)
Summary:

An exhibit at the International Museum of Witchcraft: a selection of excerpts from the correspondence of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and 'Ariadna Turner'. HARRY/HERMIONE/DRACO

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[PodFic] - Ruthless
TheLastVoice
Summary:

James Potter casts his own spell to protect his only son; but he was never as good with Charms as Lily was. (A more ruthless Harry Potter grows up to confront Voldemort). Dark!Harry. Slytherin!Harry HP/HG and then HP/HG/TN.The PodFic version inspired by the amazing story written by AngelaStarCat.Story complete. PodFic Complete. Finished Length: 2 hours and 45 minutes HARRY/HERMIONE/THEO

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The Illuminating Case of Amortentia by Aneiria - a Podfic
Cailynwrites, ETL_Echo_Audiobooks
Summary:

After months of working undercover together, the Auror trio of Malfoy, Potter and Granger are getting close to exposing a major illegal potions ring.But after a run-in with a modified Amortentia potion, they’re going to have to face some illuminating truths about themselves first... HARRY/HERMIONE/DRACO

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I AM the absolute worst. I am 21(F) living alone because of uni. Today my mother came to visit me with food cause I can't really cook and she would come every now and then to drop off some food. She comes from an entirely different city, traveling 5-6 hours each just to hand deliver me my food. Today she came with my aunt(my father's brother's wife). She brought food and some other stuff. Honestly I was super super excited to see her. Ever since I got to know she is coming yesterday I was so so happy. I even finished my exam super early today so that I can come home early and she doesn't have to wait at the door. They came. I know it is no excuse but when it comes to my family I can never express my emotions well. I would be terribly missing them yet will come off as rude despite trying to not be like this. I am such a loser. After she came I was so happy I could cry it's been few days since I last saw her. But I don't even know what happened or how it happened I noticed I was being prickly like I was sulking and not talking much when I talk nonstop till her ears fall off. She pointed it out and said she thinks I am like this because I am not eating or sleeping properly. She though said I was probably o my phone all night. It was partially true so I didn't say anything also the reason I didn't't want to sound like an asshole after opening my mouth. I was awake because I had a quiz today. Yet it's okay because she is concerned about me. Then she told us to eat out today and she rarely does it! Albeit she was trynna cheer me. the place we went to turned out to be crap. I was kinda rude there with her but I stopped it by coming back to my place as she had somewhere to go which again is to buy things for me! After coming home I don't know what came over me and I fell asleep like a dead cow she gave me 35 calls they rang like 100 bells but I didn't even hear a thing so they waited for almost an hour on the stairs. I hate myself for sleeping in my comfortable room while making my travel exhausted mom and aunt seat in the stair cases in this heat. They didn't even blame me or tell me anything. In fact they were comforting me and telling me it was not my fault that I was exhausted. That it is nothing to cry or feel guilty about. But I hate myself. I hate hate hate hate myself. How could I do this to my sweet mom. She did nothing but always help me and look at me being a shit and so ungrateful. Also while was in a daze from waking up she said something about me wasting my nights away on phone and disturbing my sleep cycle and I shouted for her to shut up with her lies. Please she did not blame me because she is an angel but I know I am a shit. I have never given my parents the respect they deserve. I am feeling so guilty but tis crying over spilt milk is off no use so I want someone to condemn me so that I can find peace and confirm that I am indeed a piece of shit not deserving of such lovely parents and I deserve to d#e in the most gruesome way possible. Please some one do me this favor and save me from this feeling that makes me think it is not my fault bacause that's what she told me. I saw her off half an hour ago.

Hello and welcome to the first rendition of Coconut Week, the sub has voted but the polls are still open stuff your ballot and make sure your video wins more votes.
However, one video got two separate votes, that being KID PULLS Fire Alarm To SKIP TEST. It’s been awhile since I reviewed a Mikey video so let’s get on with it.
Mikey starts by showing off his Lego shirt for Lego land as Jay questions how he is even able to go, Fart Bucket apparently buys Mikey not failing any tests despite the lack of tests.
Mr.Wilson shows up with a surprise and the immediate assumption is pop quiz, Jay is a bit different in this video as he is just as a stickler as Derek in contrast to past and future appearances.
So Mikey believes the best course of action is to slip and fake breaking his leg, no wonder he isn’t passing. But is stopped as cameras are being installed so it be obvious Mikey was faking it due to the cameras but not the obvious faking.
We get some backstory as Mikey has been grounded every summer, along with five suspensions. How has he not been expelled yet?
Mikey claims to be the “coolest kid in a school” further making Noah’s Arc make less sense due to how they portray Mikey and Jay’s popularity.
He’s also dipping his finger and eating cheese dip, ew. The bell rings as they head to class with a bunch of high schoolers, a random teacher shows up to gossip about a different student at a different school pulling the fire alarm which she explains caused a full evacuation.
Why is she explaining the basics of a fire drill? Well so Mikey can use that idea of course! But he should know how a fire drill works at this point shouldn’t he? Perfect timing for this random teacher to drop by to mention this loud enough so Mikey can hear from the back.
He loudly proclaims his plan to pull the alarm, it’s an actual crime this time rather than a federal crime as Jay and Derek argue over Mikey’s BS. Apparently this school has keys to the bathroom which as a plot device, they still are bullshit.
Mikey sneaks very suspiciously to the alarm before being stopped by a random janitor, false tension here we come baby. Mikey sneaks closer and closer, uses he cheese stained shirt and sneaks into a random door before running out.
That random teacher says “remember what we practiced during the fire drill” clearly Mikey didn’t because he had to be informed what happens during fire drills by you talking too damn loud.
We see the kids brought their bags out which if an alarm was pulled they would not bring. Before Wilson can explain that the pop quiz is pointless, he gets interrupted.
As Mikey’s possibly abusive dad says, the moon is made of cheese. The Feds and fire department are here as Mikey acts insanely suspicious making me wonder why they don’t already know.
They head inside and decide to drag Mikey so he can get exposed, why drag Mikey along when he clearly has a reasonable alibi?
The cameras started right as the alarm went off but after Mikey hid, Mikey saying lucky me in response should be a dead giveaway before the janitor shows up to piss on Mikey’s alibi.
So he comes up with the lie he was in the girls’ room, better they think you a perve instead of a fire alarm puller.
But that stupid key thing also snipes the alibi so Mikey lies about sneaking in, why not say he went to a different bathroom?
The Feds scanning the alarm notice the cheese stain on it exposing Mikey’s dumbass, he should have used his non cheese stained part of his shirt.
Then we get the real kicker, the pop quiz was just Bingo and the plot could have been easily avoided.
Mikey is not getting suspended this time, he’s getting arrested as he actually committed a misdemeanor punishable by a year in jail and a fine of $1000 in California. So it’s not that unrealistic.
They decide to drag Mikey out in cuffs in front of everyone as he begs for freedom, Fart Bucket just shows up because she somehow heard the alarm go off, how? Why have her show up and not really care her son is getting arrested?
Delete repeats the message for the third time, seriously I’m so happy they dropped him as a character since he’s basically Jayden but pointless.
The video ends as Mikey does a random scream take, before promptly vanishing from Dhar for a period of time.
The end of the classic Mikey era is a classic, the flaws come from the series of contrived coincidences that lead to Mikey pulling the alarm and getting caught.
Also the adults really shouldn’t have bought Mikey’s really bad lying, he’s a serial lier but can’t lie for shit. Stuff your ballots before tomorrow, this video gets a 4/10. There’s still a chance for the video you want to see reviewed for the next three days.

My girlfriend recently got diagnosed with autism and before that, she was reading a lot of books about autism and by many things my reaction was just “that’s normal, I’m the same way”. Through her research and a friend I discovered, that I very likely have ADHD, but I’m really so fucking unsure if I’m autistic too. I kind of suspected it years ago and took an online test which came out positive, but then forgot about it again. Every test I take online tells me it’s very very likely, but I think I might not understand the questions the right way or maybe answer them a specific way because of one specific memory I have, were I felt/acted weird. They are also always a couple points different when I take them multiple times.
I score 113-132 points on the RAADS-R test and 97-133 points on the CAT-Q and 31-35 on the AQ Test, depending on if I exclude interactions with friends and family. On the Monotropism test at https://sachscenter.com/monotropism-questionnaire/ I got a total of 196, also well above the threshold.
I also score relatively high on the aspie quiz https://imgur.com/s87UySS

On the other hand, I feel like I'm way to “normal” to be autistic and I’m afraid I’m gaslighting myself into thinking I am. I talk relatively normally (a bit too fast and mumbling and sometimes too quietly at the beginning, e.g. at the checkout), I like going to concerts, I don't have a big problem with lots of people, I like seeing my friends, etc. Other people often tell me I’m smart (definitely not in regard to numbers), but I think I definitely wouldn’t be smart enough to mask that well and subconsciously. Though I’m told, that I have very high emotional intelligence and slightly above-average verbal intelligence and can express my feelings relatively well.
When I read experiences from autistic people, pretty much every one of them struggles, but besides getting bullied when I was in school and feeling a bit like an outsider, I don’t experience any major struggles. I’m also a really lazy person (part of that might also be the ADHD). It took me ten years to finish university and now I only work 20 hours a week because I can’t be bothered to do stuff, I don’t enjoy for most of the week since I don’t necessarily have to. (I have a huge flat above my parents where I can live for free, I own a house, I have pretty good savings). My parents are also very supportive in general and we have a great relationship. My dad (whom I kind of suspect might be autistic too) kind of thinks it’s great that I live my life on my own terms and told me so. (He would like for me to earn more money though). Right now, I have to work more and I’m struggling, but I think it’s not because of some sort of autistic struggle, but because I just don’t want to spend that much time doing something I don’t like. I’m also not sure if I fullfill all three of the DSM V checklist. I had a great best friend (a really popular guy back then and now) since I’m in Kindergarten.
Obivously, the following is a huge wall of text, but if any of you skimps over it, does that sound like autism or more like some hypochondeimpostor? I feel like most of these traits are normal in some way or form for most people.
ADHD:
● I took speed (drug) with a friend, and became calmer and more relaxed.
● In conversations that don't really interest me but are important - for example, things that affect my work, instructions, etc. - my mind wanders extremely easily. I memorize other conversations in great detail. I can also often remember more about the surroundings than the content of conversations.
● I always need something to fidget with (at work, for example, I'm always folding magnets or rocking my leg)
● I am an extreme procrastinator. I completed all my university courses at a normal pace (but mostly just studied scripts at home and didn’t visit the lectures) and then it took me 4 years to write my thesis, which I finished a month before the whole degree would have expired. I also handed in almost all seminar papers too late, or just a few minutes before they were due.
● I talk to myself for ages and have discussions in my head and daydream constantly ● I am an atheist, but I had to pay church contribution tax for 3 years, because I kept postponing my resignation, even though it was done in one day by mail.
● I have a big structural (engineering) and legal problem with a supporting wall at my property that I don't live in. (could be around 50,000 euros) My parents don't know how that doesn’t stress me the fuck out, but I normally don't think about it
● I can hardly understand other people when I go out or when there is moderate background noise. I've been to an ear doctor twice because of this (I also feel like it got worse in my 20s), but my hearing is very good. I then accidentally discovered something on Reddit called audio processing disorder, which exactly matches my experience. I also often don't understand the lyrics to songs and don't remember them even after listening to them 10 times. That's why I've often had the fear of being a bit stupid. I generally don't listen to the lyrics of songs (except rap) at all.
● I often have a very good and detailed memory of situations (but not spoken/facts) but an extremely poor working memory. I also never paid attention at school and just
learned everything at home. I hardly remember anything when I'm taking notes. I also secretly make audio recordings of instructions at work. I secretly switch on the audio recorder on my cell phone almost every time I know I'm going to be told something.
● Although I am quite forgetful about some things (it took me 2 years to memorize the zip code of my work), I remember passwords quite well - even for other things that I rarely need. (For IT)
● As a child, I read a lot and blocked out everything outside. Even now, for example, I once missed a train because I was too engrossed in the book on the platform (in front of the train). I often don't notice straight away when I'm approached. I've also always read very quickly. (Practice will certainly play a role here) At the reading screening at school, I was one of only two pupils to finish at all (this is not planned) and I answered everything correctly.
● I am very often forgetful/distracted. I go somewhere almost every day and then forget why I'm there. I count things, then forget the number 30 seconds later (even low numbers like 17) and often use a click counter at work.
● On the other hand, I have an above-average understanding of complicated scientific articles etc.
● Others describe me as very impatient.
● I always have very intense short passions (photography, headphones, flashlights, knives, terrariums, camera, slingshot, bow, etc) for which I invest a lot of time in research and then ignore again after a while
● I am very sloppy and therefore also have problems at work. I also find it extremely difficult, or rather I always make mistakes, to go through a completed piece of work again thoroughly and check it. I've been admonished several times because of this.

AUTISM

Stimming:
● As a child and also as an adult I often chewed my tongue unconsciously (e.g. when I'm concentrating on something or when there are grinding noises or in stressful, exciting situations with computer games) and I notice that I'm always playing with/chewing my lip when I'm shopping, for example
● I always need something in my hand to play around with, bob my leg, pull out beard, etc..
● I’m also recently noticing, that I constantly play with my lips (roll them between my teeth, gently biting them etc.)
Sensory characteristics:
● French kissing feels very "unnatural", every movement of the tongue is a conscious act, none of it feels intuitive. But kissing with wet lips pushed inside each other etc. is nice.
● Occasional chills during extreme sexual arousal (more frequent with cannabis)
● I started refusing meat at the age of 3 and always gagged when I had to eat it. I can't remember exactly how soon ethical reasons played a role, but I would say that from the age of 4 or 5 at the latest, I no longer wanted to eat meat for ethical reasons and disgust (dead animal).
● Even now I can't stand the smell of meat at all.
● I've never liked cheese, I think it tastes rotten
● As a child, I always ate the same thing. Often just pasta with butter and salt. Even now I have relatively few different meals, I always cook a lot and then eat from the freezer (but I'm also lazy)
● My girlfriend and I splashed water on each other's faces in the shower and I could be tortured by the feeling of the water jet on my lips. That's just way too much.
● I hated scarves as a child
● In the mornings, for example, I'm often the only one sitting there with a jacket on because I'm cold - but I don't like the heat either
● I hurt myself a lot as a child, but I definitely wouldn't describe myself as clumsy. Even now, I regularly run into things like my bed.
● I've eaten almost the same breakfast since I was a child and I also need a warm main meal once a day, even if I'm not hungry (I've probably only eaten nothing warm 5 times)
● I hate trimming my nails because I can't stand the feeling of cut nails. That's why they often get far too long and when I cut them, I've been polishing the ends smooth for many years.
● I can't stand grinding or scratching noises in particular (high-pitched sounds don't bother me) and then unconsciously chew on my tongue or lips
● I need shoes with some toe room
Social:
● I very often feel like an outsider. I'm usually the least popular in groups and often don't feel like I belong. I just often don't really fit in.
● I've never cuddled/snogged with anyone when going out. I just don't know how to get to that point. But I'm also just not a charming guy and I'm also shy
● Dating is very difficult. I don't recognize any signals and so, out of caution, I behave more like I would at dinner with a friend and then - understandably - get the feedback that there was no spark.
● I had my first girlfriend when I was 28
● On the other hand, I have often been told that I have a very good judgment of character, often right from the start.
● I have a few good friends. All of them are actually longstanding and constant.
● I'm afraid to see a good friend again after 6 years because I'm afraid the meeting will be weird and we won't have anything to say to each other. That's why I've been putting off meeting up for years.
● I often have the feeling that I understand animals better than people. Especially when it comes to non-verbal signals, I find it much easier to interact with animals. I am also very well accepted by animals.
● As a child, I was excluded most of the time, was bullied and only had one friend until I was 15, then a second one. Better at university. Now that I'm around 30, I feel like it's easier for me.
● I have extremely few gestures
● I hate small talk and am also extremely bad at it
● I often feel like I'm being watched when I'm not walking alone and feel like I'm
walking very strangely. That's why I don't like people walking behind me (but when I walk in groups, it's better).
● I'm always a bit scared of new people (e.g. when I go to a party)
● I often think that I seem strange/uninterested (I am at times) and find it very difficult to make conversation with new people. Having conversations with new people is generally very difficult. When I say something in groups, I often feel like I'm being ignored.
● I was always an outsider, I was bullied a lot, even across different schools, and even during a 2-week MedAT preparation course I had a drawing of "Gruselglatz" drawn on my notebook during a break, even though I didn't have a fight with anyone.
● For example, when I had to go to a professor's office hours (even if it was just to discuss what was coming up, for example), I was always a bit nervous. But that's
normal, isn't it?
● For example, I wanted to read the messages of successful friends on Dating, Tinder etc. to find out how they do it.
● If I happen to be in the stairwell when my parents open the door for others and the guests haven't seen me yet, I sneak back in.
● I hate it when guests come over unannounced. I only let my best friend come unannounced and even then I tidy up
● I am often afraid of being misunderstood, even after asking several times, and then I try to make things clear
● When I greet people, I make sure that I'm not the first and then follow suit. ● Interruptions to my work make me aggressive
Other:
● I have a great sense of injustice towards animals. I actually see industrial animal farming on a par with the Holocaust (without trivializing it). For me, people who eat meat are actually on the same moral level as people who profited from Aryanization back then.
● I am extremely fond of animals (including ants, beetles, flies, slugs, earthworms) and have collected, raised and taken in dozens of animals.
● An internet acquaintance made me fall in love with her when I was 28 (also told me I was her greatest love) and then when she suddenly didn't want any more contact with me and immediately had someone else, I had depression for the first time. The whole online relationship only lasted 3 months. I couldn't understand her reaction and her behavior at all and it really got me down. I then had mental conversations with her for months. When my first real girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years, I could understand why and I never felt anywhere near as bad.
● I deleted this first love's chat after I backed it up and then spent days and special software to get it back to its "right" place on whatsapp. Although I'm insanely frugal, even now I pay to have my chat backed up online so I don't have to delete anything. These things need their order, so to speak, and the chronology must not be changed. On the other hand, I'm very sloppy otherwise.
● However, I don't think I have a specific, totally pronounced special interest. Most likely IT in general.
● As a child, I carried a small clip-on raccoon around with me every day for years
● After work, the day is mostly done for me, even if it's not that late. I usually just rest and don't feel like doing anything anymore.
● I really enjoy playing multiplayer games (8000 hours), also achieved top 1% in
several games
● I'm relatively good at languages, but very bad at math.
● I may be stupidly honest in some areas (I admitted at a job interview that I am relatively sloppy)
● At work, I do my job very differently to everyone else because I don't have the concentration for the "normal" version. But I'm also more effective. I've also set up my PC workstation very specifically. If I was no longer allowed to do that, I would quit. But it's normal to set up your workspace effectively when you spend the whole day working (and I only have one job, so to speak), isn't it?
● I don't like change (but I think that's normal)
● I have very bad, childish, handwriting
● As a child, I was very fascinated by paints.
● My father is also a bit "weird", as is his father according to my mother. But my
parents are generally very loving and supportive. My father has also said that he is somehow proud that I live my life the way I do (no full-time job).
● I have great fears of loss. For example, I couldn't smoke cannabis for a long time because then I realized how little time my parents, grandma and pets have left to live.
● I'm quite a night person and prefer to work at night rather than underground. Maybe because I know I won't be disturbed. But it's also much easier for me to stay awake in the evening than to get up in the morning.
● I often know what my parents and girlfriend are going to say. Even when I'm watching TV, I always know what's going to happen next.
● I have great self-acceptance in general. I also don't feel bad/or stupid about the audio recordings at work, but I've never really thought about it either.
● I can hardly ever remember dreams. 5-10 a year
● I hate! Voice messages. I always record them 5 times and then prefer to write. ● I talk too fast and mumble
Masking:
● After making a lot of video calls with the girl I fell in love with, I've gotten into the habit of looking friendlier and consciously opening my eyes wider. But doesn't everyone wish to look nicer?

Opposites:
● I actually also like loud and bright concerts with lots of people
● Am I perhaps just lazy?
● I think I can lie very well
● Cheated often and very well at tests during school and university
● I feel like I'm getting through life far too well. I always read about self-doubt and torment in other people's reports, but I don't feel that. (Apart from feeling excluded and different)

Don’t kick me out of the kitchen yet, wait for the soup to be finished before you rate it.
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You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Gillab, Gojid Citizen, Father
Date [Standardized Human Time]: April 3, 2142
Billy refused to leave my side, following behind me almost like a lost child. He had been terrified by his panic attack and said that if he was around me he felt more comfortable. I was beginning to wonder if he had developed some kind of phobia against being left alone, although he claimed that it was just a one-time thing. Still, I would have to be on the lookout for any more panic attacks caused by being left alone. I didn’t want Billy to develop another hurdle to cross, especially one that was caused by me. I would have to find the time to contact Richard privately and explain the situation to him. I should have yesterday, but I had been setting up this meeting instead.
After what Billy said yesterday about meeting my family, I decided to set up a meeting between them. I was certain that Billy and Kirala would get along wonderfully, and Lulaly was sure to cheer him up as well. Plus, Kirala could help Billy understand himself and his emotions, considering that she went through a depressive episode similar to his.
The place we had chosen to meet was a newer place, one meant to bring alien-Human fusion foods to the common passerby. Usually, that kind of food was only for the adventurous or the wealthy, as most Humans tended to stick with what they knew, but Sulolo’s had been doing well enough in its goal. They were making more than enough to keep the lights on, but they hadn’t been able to outcompete the long-time staples that most people were used to. I’m sure that, given enough time, the food will take off in popularity.
I blinked the runaway thought out of my head as I opened the door. I needed to focus, or at least pay attention to my surroundings. Kirala said that she was already there and had picked out a table for us. After a moment of searching, I spotted my wife and my daughter talking with the waitress.
Neither of them noticed me until the waitress left, but once they did I saw them both start to wag their tails. Lulaly hopped out of her chair and rushed up to me, embracing me in an eager hug. After nuzzling me for a second, Lulaly pulled back. “I missed you Dad.”
I couldn’t help but melt. “I missed you too. I want you to tell me all about what’s been happening recently. Every. Little. Detail.”
She giggled as I tapped her on the nose, giving me another, much quicker hug before grabbing me by the hand and leading me to the table. I glanced back as she tugged me along, seeing that Billy was standing awkwardly away from the table, seemingly unsure of how to introduce himself.
“Oh, but before you start, I want to introduce you to someone. Billy, I’d like to introduce you to my wonderful daughter, Lulaly, and my beautiful wife Kirala. Kirala, Lulaly, this is Billy Marsh, the man who saved my life.”
Billy stepped forward hesitantly, the nervous bounce in his leg barely poking through as he extended his hand to Kirala. “H-hello, it’s nice to meet you. Your husband has told me lots about you.”
Kirala shook his hand firmly, giving a small laugh as she did. “All wonderful, I assume?”
Billy smiled nervously and pulled his hand away. “Of course.”
Billy then turned his attention to Lulaly, smiling softly as he spoke. “And he has told me just as many wonderful things about you.”
Lulaly froze, looked him up and down, and spoke without hesitation. “Why are your arms a different color than your face?”
Everyone’s eyes widened in surprise, even if Kirala and I were used to Lulaly’s straightforwardness, I never expected her to ask such a sensitive question immediately. Billy let his mouth hang open for a second before responding slowly. “Well, um, you see, my arms can ever change color. The- they are bionic. Not real. Fake.”
To hammer the point home, Billy pulled his sleeve back, revealing a subtle cut off between the two skin tones. With the sleeves covering the seam where his bionics connected, it was impossible to tell that he even had them. A passive observer would assume that his face just got less sun than his arms, somehow, and continue on.
“When they were put on, they were set to a certain skin tone that matched mine the best. I could go in and have it altered to match my current tone, but that would just be wasted time. I’ve just dealt with slightly different colored arms and no one has really noticed unless I told them they were fake.”
Lulaly puffed her chest out with pride. “I’m just that smart.”
I wagged my tail and guided her back to her seat. “You sure are. Lulaly’s always been ahead of the class in certain subjects. Plus she has always had an eye for detail. She’s a very smart girl, just as smart as the older kids.”
Lulaly hopped into her seat. “I’m smarter than them!”
I placed my hands on my hips in pride. “You sure are.”
Billy and I found our way to our seats and ordered our meals, getting the necessities out of the way before we earnestly started the conversation. I ordered a simple salad made from leaves of various planets, Kirala ordered something more homely, a Human-Gojid style stew, Julaly ordered an exotic-sounding dish from Sillis made with polo fruit, and Billy kept it simple with a mixed vegetable sandwich. I was slightly surprised that no one ordered anything with meat in it, it wasn’t like anyone here still had the cure, but I guess everyone was just wanting to be nice.
Once everything was set in order, Kirala took a sip of her water and started the conversation. “Well Billy, I guess I’ve been wanting to say this for a bit now, but felt like I needed to do this in person. Thank you.”
Billy looked slightly confused. “What for?”
Kirala chuckled. “Well, for saving my husband first off. Even if we had no way of knowing that we were going to meet, had we never did, I feel like my life would have been much worse.”
“Don’t thank me, anyone could have done what I did.”
I shook my head. “I really don’t think they could have. You went through hell to save me, I don’t know a single other person who could do the same.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me, but I really don’t think it’s true. I am–I was– just a soldier doing my job.”
I glanced at Kirala, giving her a small nod. She returned with one of her own, understanding how similar Billy’s situation was to hers. “I still think you are underselling yourself. You need to give yourself much more credit. You are strong, you did amazing things, you need to recognize that and give yourself credit for them. I know I didn’t, it put me in a very similar situation.”
Billy sighed. “Gillab had told me, but it’s not the same.”
Kirala nodded. “Nothing will be the same. No one else is you. Your experiences are unique only to you and you will have a wholly unique way of coming to terms with them. But there are people with similar experiences, people who can help you find the right path to take to find your own way.”
Kirala stared at me for a moment. “Gillab was that person for me. He was the first person I met who understood me. He helped me find my footing, brought color back into my life, and supported me through any relapses I had. Gillab is trying to be that person for you too. If he’s not, and you aren’t comfortable enough with him to talk about it, that’s fine, but let him help you find someone who you feel you can talk to.”
Billy paused for a moment. “Gillab is… He’s… It’s not that I don’t trust Gillab, but I can't talk about it with him. I don’t know why, but, it’s like, if I really get into, I don’t know, I think I’m going to push him away.”
I leaned forward. “Billy, there is nothing you could do to push me away. But if you really can’t feel comfortable telling me, let’s look for a therapist. We could even ask Richard to help us find one.”
Billy bit his lip for a second before sighing. “I don’t know. I-I’ll think about it.”
Warmth welled up in my heart. Hearing Billy take another step on the path to getting help would always make my day, even if he was just thinking about it. I don’t know if I understood why he couldn’t talk about his issues with me, but at the same time, I was thankful that he was going to a professional. Even if I wouldn’t admit it to him now, I always felt like I was inadequately prepared to help him.
Just as Billy finished speaking, the waitress brought us our food. As the food was laid out in front, I could see Billy smiling softly in his seat. As the food was dug into and our first bites were taken, I watched everyone gauge just how good the food was. It seemed that everyone was enjoying their meal, even the ever-picky Lulaly.
Kirala was the first to speak, wiping away some broth with a napkin as she did. “Wow, you have to try this stew, it’s really good.”
I finished a bite from my salad. “Is it? It looks pretty average to me.”
“Well, looks can be deceiving, you know.”
I chuckled and wagged my tail. “Oh, I know all about deceiving looks.”
Billy smiled. “Why do I get the impression you are talking about me?”
I wagged my tail as I speared more leaves. “I have no idea what you are talking about. Clearly, there is a misunderstanding, right Lulaly?”
My daughter looked up from her plate, mouth full of fruit and fork still gripped tightly in her claw. “Huh?”
“Oh, nothing. Say, how has school been going recently?”
Lulaly swallowed her bite finally. “It’s been going great! We had a sub… substittoo… Mr. Jenkim wasn’t there yesterday so we had Mrs. Willis instead. She was super nice, she gave us more free time than Mr. Jenkim does."
“That sounds wonderful. Did you have any big tests or projects?”
Julaly thought for a moment. “No. There was a math quiz, but math is easy! Oh, and Jammie came over the other day. We played a lot. Then he went home be-”
Julaly stopped herself in the middle of a sentence, and she only does that when she thinks she might get in trouble or when she sees something she really wants. With the history that Jammie and Julaly had, I was going to guess it was the first one. “Did he hurt himself on your quills again?”
Julaly couldn’t help but smile and look away. “Nooo… Only a little. We were playing tag.”
I wagged my tail and shook my head. “Tag… no wonder.”
Billy found it funny as well, chuckling to himself slightly. “Tag with a Gojid. Hey Gillab, that kinda reminds me of what you did back on the Cradle.”
I cocked my head to the side in confusion. “What? Be scared of you?”
“No, after that. I was feeling down one day, and you decided that the best course of action was to snuggle up to me.”
Kirala nearly shot water out of her nose, cough-laughing as she reached for a napkin. “You did what? Why haven’t I heard of this?”
I raised my paws in defense. “Okay, so, at the time I didn’t realize that cuddling to Humans was much more intimate. I just wanted to cheer him up, is all.”
Billy smiled. “You could have asked before you did though. I nearly impaled myself on your spines when I woke up.”
I bobbed my head back and forth. “Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. Anyways, enough about that, Aliert and Tintak both want to meet you again before they have to leave, I was hoping that we could meet them in the park again soon.”
Billy nodded. “That works with me. I feel like I need to apologize to them for how I acted last time I talked to them. If possible I would like to see Kertava as well.”
I winced at her name. “Uhm, Kertava might not remember you. She uhm… She had a serious brain injury in that tower and lost a lot of her memories. Right now she’s in a mental hospital, and it looks like she’s getting better, but she might not even remember you.”
Billy’s face grew somber. “Ah, I see. I’d still like to at least see her, maybe it might help spark some memories.”
I nodded. “If you want to visit her, you should talk to Aliert, he’s the one who visits her the most. I only visit sometimes, and Tintak has only gone to see her once.”
Billy nodded. “I guess that means I really should apologize.”
The rest of the meal went by smoothly, filled with casual talk about anything that came to mind. Billy revealed further knowledge of potato lore by describing all of the ways that a potato could be cooked. I never knew that a singular, misshapen root could be so versatile. By the end of the meal, Billy’s face seemed to be glowing, at least compared to what it looked like earlier. He had gotten comfortable around my family, letting himself speak freely.
Eventually, the bills were delivered and our conversation came to an end. Everyone gathered around the entrance for one final goodbye. However, Julaly’s attention was focused across the street on something I couldn’t find. I placed a claw on her head and started my goodbye. But before I could start, Billy started his own goodbye.
“Tonight was really fun. I’m glad to finally meet you Kirala, and you too, Lulaly.”
Instead of responding like she normally would, she only nodded her head. I glanced to her, trying to figure out what had her attention, but conceded when all I saw was a sidewalk.
Kirala stuck out her claw. “It was wonderful to finally meet the man who saved my husband's life.”
Billy smiled. “I was just doing my job. I’m just happy that you are all here for me. Oh, and, uh, Gillab? You don’t have to stay with me anymore. I’m not going to ever even think of suicide again. I owe you a world of thanks for pulling me back from that edge. If we hadn’t met by chance at the memorial, I wouldn’t be here.”
Billy’s face slowly turned melancholic, simultaneously smiling and crying. “I’m- I’m so thankful for you.”
I let go of Lulaly and opened my arms to hug him. “I was just doing what any good friend should.”
Billy ignored my quills and gave me a tight hug, slowly wobbling back and forth. As Billy hugged me tightly, he continued to thank me, each time with more emotion put into it. This was the culmination of my time with Billy. I had pulled him out of that very deep and impossibly dark pit in his own mind and showed him that he had made a difference. He was anything but useless, and even if there would be lingering trauma for some time to come, he could face it head-on with the help of everyone who he has helped in the past.
But as I pulled away and reached my claw back for Lulaly, I noticed she wasn’t there. I turned around to find her, only to have my heart plummet in my chest. She had run onto the road carelessly, and there was a car hurtling toward her.
Kirala noticed it at the same time, screaming Lulaly’s name in fear as I tried to force my body forward, but all the yell did was make her stop in the middle of the road and notice the danger she was in. She was frozen in fear, and there was nothing I could do to get to her quickly enough.
As the worst possibilities raced through my mind, I barely registered a flash of color to my left. Billy raced onto the street as bystanders finally turned to see what the commission was. With his bionic leg, he was easily able to outrun me, but it didn’t seem like it was going to be enough. Even as the car slammed on the brakes, it was still screeching towards my daughter.
At the last moment, Billy leapt forward and tackled Lulaly, shielding her with his own body. The car slammed into them, launching them down the street with a sickening thud. Billy held Lulaly tightly to his chest as they rolled down the road, stopping a great distance away from the now-stopped car.
I blinked out of my stunned state and turned back to Kirala. “CALL AN AMBLANCE!”

Hi everyone,
Here's the summary for Day 5 of Safe House. The early part of the day wasn't too eventful, so I had space to fit the entire Day 5 into one post. Hope you enjoy!
Video 1 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/N8b9QPwc-NM?feature=shared

• No one is awake yet when we join. PD gives them a wake-up call with chicken noises.
• 24:00 Tay and Khaotung do a light product plug for Snack Jack
• 28:00 They gather at the kitchen table for the King of the Day competition. Khaotung reads the directions. In pairs, they will lie down on opposite sides of the long blanket and roll toward the centre while wrapping themselves with their respective sides of the blanket until they collide. The one who has rolled further than the other wins that round. They will compete tournament-style until there is one final winner.
• 44:00 They start preparing breakfast for themselves. They decide to make rice porridge with minced pork. Khaotung, Phuwin, and Earth prepare the food while Tay makes everyone some tea with lemon juice and honey.
• 47:15 King of the Day photo op

Video 2 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/xrnI7bknu3k?feature=shared

• They're still preparing breakfast. They start serving themselves around 7:00
  • 17:00 They talk about the breakfast. They mention again that most of them prefer salty foods because some of the dishes they're eating with their porridge (especially the Thai omelette) are salty. This turns into them making fun of Mix's bland pasta from the previous day.
    • Neo's roasting of Mix's pasta is even more brutal than yesterday. Everyone laughs and asks why he's speaking so directly today when yesterday he at least tried to be nice. Neo replies that yesterday Mix looked stressed after cooking, so he didn't want to make fun of him too much and make him angry, but today is a new day.

Video 3 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/c9QwFl2mTf8?feature=shared

• They're relaxing when we join them. Khaotung and Luke are having a little jam session, and Luke is improvising a song about tea with lemon and honey, which Tay has been making since he arrived at the house
• The rest of the guys are in the living room. Earth remarks that Neo seems to sweat easily, which turns into a wordplay/pun session surrounding the word "sweat" (ngeua), and then the word "shirt" (seua).
  • Highlights: 12:30 "What kind of shirt is arrogant and doesn't care about others?" (The Thai word for that is "cheut," which sounds similar to "dress shirt" in Thai
• 14:00 Earth and Mix do a product plug for Super Coffee and relive/re-enact the coffee scene from Thousand Stars.
  • 14:45 Mix asks whether Earth misses Tian (Mix's character), and Earth says yes. Then Mix asks whether Earth likes Mix or Tian better, and then when Earth starts looking suspicious, Mix says, "Eyes don't lie, you know..." Earth asks if Mix misses Phupha (Earth's character), and Mix says that he does because Phupha is cute/lovely, and Earth is weird, which Earth disagrees with.
  • 18:40 They try to re-enact the coffee scene from their series, but switch roles. They keep messing up and disagreeing about what the script was.
• 23:30 PD announces the next medal competition. Luke is still singing his lemon tea song. Neo reads the directions: King of the Day chooses pairs to compete. Each person must do 10 squat-jumps, then inflate a balloon with their mouth, then use the air within the balloon to blow paper cups off their respective table. They can keep inflating their balloons as needed to blow all the cups off their table. First one to blow all their cups off their table wins that round. They will compete tournament-style until there's one final winner, who will win one medal.
  • 29:45 Pond doesn't know how to inflate a balloon, so Neo tries to teach him.
• 57:00 Relaxing time
  • 1:01:00 Brand plug for Sea Me Now. Pond asks Neo to help him make a sandwich with imitation crab for Phuwin because Phuwin has been cooking a lot for the house, and he's currently studying so he might want some food while he works.
• 1:18:45 PD asks Tay to prepare lunch for the house (with help from the others). Tay enters the kitchen and sees that the production team have prepared the ingredients for som tum (Tay had previously mentioned that he wanted to make som tum for the house if they had some green papaya)
  • 1:23:30 Luke wants to help make it. Tay asks if he can make one batch himself first just because he's not confident in his abilities to teach yet, but then he can teach Luke on the subsequent batches
  • 1:24:30 They ask if Luke knows the names of the two different chilis that Tay is holding, and which one is spicier. The smaller one is spicier, and they teach Luke that the Thai name for that chili directly translates to "mouse/rat poo chili"
  • 1:29:00 Earth starts peeling the papaya for Tay. [Note: nowadays, sometimes people making som tum at home will use a sort of grater or mandolin-type thing to prepare the papaya for convenience, but the way that you see these guys doing it is the traditional way (and the way that a lot of people still do it, especially when they're cooking small batches). Please be very careful if you try this technique at home. Also, the papaya pieces aren't supposed to fly around like they do when Neo does it, so if you do want to try this technique, it's not actually supposed to be as messy as when he does it, hahaha]
  • 1:40:00 Tay makes fun of the way Earth prepared the carrot (the pieces are enormous, when they're supposed to be a similar size to the papaya pieces)
  • 1:58:00 Tay is making several different variations of som tum, which is why he keeps tasting the different batches and calls different people in to taste as well
  • 2:04:30 Tay doesn't know what to do with the carrot pieces that Earth originally prepared because their shape/size are not appropriate for som tum, but he feels bad because Earth might be sad if his work goes to waste. Tay decides to keep the carrot pieces to make some carrot juice later.
  • 2:05:30 They receive some sponsored doughnuts as their snack/dessert. They also receive some flavoured snacking croutons (some sweet and some salty/savoury).
  • 2:14:00 They sit and eat together by the pool.

Video 4 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/8Vl9vjh4sNg?feature=shared

• Relaxing time. Khaotung and Tay are going around taking photos. They go out to the pool area and do an impromptu photoshoot

Video 5 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/cbAlu-oTq0Y?feature=shared

• They're relaxing and leisurely playing in the play zone when we join them. For the game they're currently playing, everyone has to stand in a circle. One person has to point his hands upward. Immediately afterward, the people directly next to them must point to the first person, then the first person has to point to someone else in the circle to be the next person to point their hands upward. This continues until someone messes up. Each hand gesture is accompanied by a sound ("hu," "ha," "hee," respectively). The person who messes up is eliminated from the game.
  • 12:15 Phuwin and Luke are the last two left, so they play another concentration-related game. Neo demonstrates with Phuwin first because Luke doesn't know how to play. The two players stand back-to-back with their eyes closed. Everyone else in the room can say any word within a predetermined category; if the word is actually in that category, each player takes a step forward. If someone says a word that's not in the category, the first person to turn around and "shoot" their opponent wins. Luke asks them to use English words since he understands better and Phuwin also is fluent in English.
• 16:30 PD asks everyone to change into swimming clothes and meet at the dining table.
• 24:00 Once everyone is assembled, PD invites them to go meet their special guest by the poolside (Leo Saussay, a former member of a famous boyband in the recent past). They play a small prank by pretending not to notice him when they first walk outside. He is helping to host 2 sponsored games by Deo Klear. The winning team will win one medal each, and will also have the nicer dinner this evening, whereas the losing team will have a less fancy dinner. [Note: they explain the rules for both games together at this point, but I'll separate the rules for each game to hopefully keep the summary more organised]
  • 29:00 First game: Each team of 4 people must hold hands. Starting with the first person, they must pass a plastic ring ovethrough to the fourth person without anyone letting go of anyone else's hands. Each team must do this with 5 rings. The team that completes the task in the shorter time wins (3 points).
    • 33:00 King of the Day is allowed to choose two people for their team. Neo chooses Mix and Earth because they're on the bottom of the rankings together, and also because Mix is nimble, so Neo thinks he would be good at the first game. The remaining guys randomly pick packages of Deo Klear to determine who will be the last member of Neo's team.
    • 41:00 While they're talking about how they think they're going to do in the games, Leo asks Phuwin how he swims (this is a pun because "swim" and the term for the praying-like hand gesture that Thai people do a lot are both "wai." This is why Phuwin jokingly assumes a praying position toward the pool)
  • 56:15 Second game: They will randomly choose packs of Deo Klear to determine the competition pairs. Each team's representative will stand on opposite sides of the pool and dance until the music stops. Once the music stops, both people need to jump into the pool and try to be the first person to push their body through (or sit on top of) the floating ring in the middle of the pool. The winner of each match will win one point for their team. At the end of the 4 matches, they will add the points to the points earned in the first game, and that will determine the winning team for the evening.
    • 1:15:45 Leo reveals that the winning team get a shabu dinner, and the losing team get a "one-plate meal" that he doesn't describe further
• 1:18:30 Leo takes his leave and tells everyone that they can shower and prepare for dinner, but they want to play in the water a bit more, so PD turns on more music for them.
  • 1:26:30 They practice some model walks while they wait for showers to become available
  • 1:48:30 Neo invites Mix and Earth to play a typical/traditional Thai hand game. [Basically, they have to sing/chant the song forward and backward repeatedly while doing hand motions to match the words until someone messes up. Often, people like to gradually increase the speed to make it more fun.] They say that the loser can be the "servant" for the other two for the following day. They then teach the game to Luke.
• 2:01:00 PD makes a joke, "Now that everyone has showered and gotten ready, please change into clothes suitable for swimming." She's actually inviting them down for dinner. Winning team gets shabu with pork and beef, and losing team gets plain rice with fish sauce. PD continues pranking them because they keep walking to speak to a camera, but then PD turns off the camera once they arrive in front of it, etc. Losing team are sad about the disparity between the dinner menus, but Khaotung (and eventually the other members of the winning team) offer to let the losing team share the dinner with them.
  • 2:24:00 They talk about MBTI personality types and which type they each are. Tay thinks Neo is ENFP (Neo jokes that he actually thinks he leans more toward introversion). Tay is INFP, Mix thinks he's INTJ. They decide that they want to take an MBTI assessment together tonight.
    • 2:34:30 They're continuing with the MBTI discussion. Luke is ENTJ, they think Phuwin is ISTJ/P
  • 2:38:30 They talk about how some of them laugh louder than others, some are more animated when laughing, etc. Mix says that they've hardly heard Khaotung laugh. Mix then says that he personally used to laugh more quietly before he met Neo.
  • 2:42:45 Luke asks them about the meaning of a Thai phrase, and they explain and demonstrate. [the phrase sort of means "playing hard to get" in a dating context, but it can have other applications and connotations as well]
  • 2:48:45 They talk about how Tale of Thousand Stars is currently re-running on television, so they discuss the airing schedule and see if they can watch it together
  • 2:52:30 They are interested in what Luke finds funny in their jokes and shenanigans because they wonder how senses of humour might be different in the US. Luke sometimes can't follow the jokes, especially the wordplay ones, but if he can understand about 50% and he understands that it's supposed to be a joke, then he'll laugh; he also tends to laugh when Neo laughs. They compliment him that it's already very good that he understands when things are supposed to be funny even if he doesn't understand what's being said, and that's a really good quality to have as an actoentertainer. Earth shares an anecdote about when he was working in Singapore: The people there didn't speak Thai, and Earth's English was quite weak, so they mostly spoke Chinese to him, which he also isn't that great at, so he found it very difficult, especially when trying to be funny or reacting to their humour.
  • 2:55:00 They want to see who can make Khaotung laugh the most.
  • 3:00:20 Luke tries to explain which parts of their humoushenanigans. [basically, he likes dry humour, sarcasm, and banter] He swears in Thai (probably because he doesn't know it's a swear word since he hears people say it all the time), so the guys tell him that it's not polite to say in a setting like this.
• 3:21:20 PD asks everyone to come meet an additional guest in the living room. It's Godji (one of the PDs)
  • 3:23:00 She says that they usually have shifts for keeping on top of the stream during the second half of the day (2 hours per shift).
  • 3:24:15 She asks that within the last five days, how many words has Khaotung spoken, how many thousand dishes has Khaotung washed, how many dishes have been broken by Earth and Tay, and how many words Luke has understood and learned. She then gives Luke a little quiz about some of the new vocab words he's recently learned. Khaotung says that he actually sort of enjoys washing dishes.
  • 3:26:30 They talk about all the dancing that's been happening these past five days
  • 3:28:15 Godji asks what time they've been sleeping. They give "reasonable" answers, and Godji reveals that she knows they're lying because even after the stream ends at midnight, the production team can still see what they're up to, so she knows that they were still awake and talking at 02:30 that morning.
  • 3:29:45 Tay talks about how he slept on his first night. He says that he usually doesn't sleep that well in new places or with other people, but Khaotung was very stationary, so that helped. However, Tay had a strange dream where everyone was fleeing except for Khaotung, so he was trying to convince Khaotung to go.
    • Godji reads an "interpretation" of Tay's dream that's basically implying that Tay's stolen Gun's medals, so he should feel a little guilty because he's not been very successful at getting additional medals
  • 3:32:30 Godji starts roasting them about what they do when they're asleep and shows footage as evidence. She says that "someone" (Pond and Phuwin) was fighting for blankets. This leads to an emotional outburst from Pond; he wasn't going to say anything, but this is his opportunity to say that Phuwin moves a lot in his sleep. They have two separate blankets, but sometimes Phuwin moves to much that his blanket falls to the floor, so he tries to steal Pond's. Phuwin explains that he's always moved a lot in his sleep; he used to sleep with his parents because he was afraid of ghosts, but eventually his parents started building a bit of a pillow wall in the middle of the bed so that Phuwin's movement wouldn't disturb them as much.
  • 3:35:45 Godji asks Khaotung how it's been for him because he's the only one who's had to change sleeping partners during this show. Khaotung says that he was conscious about Tay being a very light sleeper, but he came to bed after Tay was already asleep, so he had to move in slow motion to not disturb Tay. Tay says that it really felt like Khaotung wasn't there at all. Tay also jokes that they had the opposite situation from Pond and Phuwin; Tay brought some additional blankets from home and kept offering them to Khaotung.
  • 3:37:00 Godji reveals that "someone" seems to prefer seeking warmth from another person rather than a blanket. It's revealed to be Earth and Mix, but there's no video footage to show.
  • 3:38:30 The people in the smaller bedroom explain why they slept so late last night; Pond, Neo, and Luke were talking and joking, and they were in a laughing mood, so they couldn't get to sleep. The three of them decided to prank Phuwin because he came to the bedroom later than the rest; they planned to all pretend to snore to bother Phuwin and make him uneasy about sleeping with the noise, but the three of them struggled not to laugh once Phuwin entered the room, so the prank didn't last very long
  • 3:40:45 Godji reads different personality interpretations based on people's sleeping schedules (in their normal lives)
    • Sleep early, wake early: (Luke and Neo) They're like a lion. They have high potential to be successful. They're determined and dedicated (they joke that Neo is determined to talk as much as possible)
    • Can sleep any time/all the time: (Pond and Khaotung) They're like a bear. They value their sleep, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they like to keep to themselves. They like social situations, but they sleep to recharge their energy. Godji then jokes, "Where in the world is Khaotung using this supposed energy?"
    • Sleep lightly and wake often/easily: (Tay) They're like a dolphin. They think and worry a lot. They tend to keep to themselves, but they're good at many things. Tay compliments Khaotung again for how quiet and still he is, which made it much easier for him to sleep.
    • Night owls: (a lot of them say that they tend to sleep late and have more energy at night, depending on what their work schedules are like) They're like a wolf. They like to work when others are asleep. They think better at night, and they tend to be clever.
    • Phuwin says that he doesn't fit into any of those categories because he likes to sleep late and wake late. Godji then makes up an "interpretation" that's literally just describing Phuwin directly. Phuwin says that most of his friends are night owls, so he stays up to talk to them.
  • 3:49:30 Godji reads personality interpretations based on people's sleeping positions. She says that she'll show a graphic, and then people who sleep in that position can raise their hands. [there are some technical difficulties for a few minutes before Godji shows the first position.
    • 3:52:30 Mix, Phuwin, Tay, and Earth think they sleep in this position. Godji reveals that the graphics are actually just drawings taken directly from their sleeping footage, but the interpretations are based on the general position that they most resemble. This image is of Earth. Interpretation: These people overthink a lot and tend not to let things go. They have good imaginations. They are fun and impulsive (not necessarily in a bad way).
    • 3:55:00 Image of Khaotung. Interpretation: These people are smart and well-rounded in their knowledge. They're always keen to learn new things. They're kind and love helping others, but if they have problems, sometimes they don't ask for help. They get along easily with others, and they treat everyone with warmth and kindness. They like to make decisions based on reason rather than on emotion.
    • 3:57:00 (They briefly talk about the feeling of falling asleep on your arms and then waking up with dead arms) Image of Luke. Interpretation: They have a strong sense of self. They're direct in their intentions and actions. They're easy-going, but they can easily overthink about small details. They're driven and sincere, and they push themselves to do their best in most things. They have a lot of friends, but are only truly close with a few.
    • 4:00:30 Image of Gun; it's not as much an interpretation of his actual sleeping position, but rather the fact that he must be holding the blanket he's had since childhood. Interpretation: They're caring and resilient. The item is their safe zone. They're brave and daring.
    • 4:01:50 Image of Neo. Interpretation: They enjoy freedom. They get along well with everyone, and can always endear themselves quickly to new people. They're generous, sincere, and resilient. They're important within their friend groups. They're good listeners and can give advice.
    • 4:04:15 Image of Phuwin. Interpretation: They don't like to reveal if they're feeling lonely. They're serious and hard on themselves. They overthink a lot and can have high expectations of themselves. They place a lot of importance in their love for their families and friends. They probably liked to sleep with their parents.
    • 4:05:30 Image of Pond. Interpretation: They're afraid to hurt others and to get hurt by others. When they meet new friends, they're shy at first, but then they open up as they become closer. They seem stern, but they're actually gentle.
    • 4:07:15 Image of Mix. Interpretation: Their emotions are quick. They overthink a lot. They have distinctively bright but gentle personalities and work well with others because they can notice and take care of things that others might not notice. They're bold in their actions, but can be stubborn. They'll fight for what's right.
    • 4:08:50 Image of Tay. Interpretation: They love their families, and place a high importance in close relationships. They have optimism and high ambitions for the future, but they can worry a lot. They would be happier if they could be a little kinder to themselves. [note: the gestures that Tay does at the end of this interpretation is basically to "receive a blessing." It can be done both in religious and secular contexts]
  • 4:12:00 Godji asks them if they've enjoyed their time so far and whether they might be interested in participating in a future season of the show. She then shows a bonus photo of Neo taking a nap with his mouth open and makes fun of him. She jokingly tries to claim that she's not one of the PDs.
• 4:17:30 Relaxing time
  • 4:29:30 Small jam session in the play zone
• 4:33:00 Mix suggests another game. They decide they can play for medals. Two people sit across from one another with an empty bowl between them. Each person has a plushie hammer. They play rock, paper, scissors; the one who loses must try grab the bowl and put it on their head before the winner can hit them with their plushie hammer. The best of 10 games wins that match, and they will play tournament-style until there is one final winner, who will win one medal.
• 5:15:20 Fan Talk
  • Group 1: Tay talks about his first night: he says that he felt a little bit of pressure because everyone else already had time to get closer, but he feels welcomed. Khaotung and Tay talk about how they enjoyed taking photos with the cameras/film that Tay brought. They all enjoyed Tay's som tum that he made for lunch. Most of the people who helped Tay prepare the papaya (including Mix) hadn't done it in the traditional way with the knife before, but they were impressed that they were able to do it. They recap he games they played at the pool; everyone enjoyed all of them, and they especially enjoyed the dancing. Mix was grateful for the winning team's generosity in sharing the dinner with the losing team. They talk about how Khaotung was the first person to offer to share the dinner, and Phuwin was the last because he wanted to stick to the rules/rewards. They also recapped the hammer game and how it was more intense than they were expecting it to be.
    • 5:24:40 Fan Comments: Khaotung got lots of compliments from the fans for being cute, being kind and generous for washing so many dishes, etc. Khaotung says that when he's at home, he sometimes waits a while before washing dishes, but in this house, he's found washing dishes relaxing, so he doesn't feel like it's a sacrifice. Fans made fun of Neo's technique in preparing the papaya, saying that the majority didn't make it into the bowl.
  • 5:34:20 Group 2: They wonder why no one woke up on time this morning. Luke says that he originally woke up to exercise, but he saw it was raining, so he went back to sleep. Neo enjoyed being King of the day because he liked choosing teams for the games. Luke talks about the song he and Khaotung improvised about the lemon tea (cha manao) and jokes that it's going to be a new upcoming single, then he blags about the plot/storyline of the song, about how it's actually about a girl who's named Chamanao. They talk about Tay's som tum, and Neo and Earth complained that preparing the papaya was difficult and took forever. Phuwin makes fun of the fact that they didn't wash/soak the papaya first. Earth wonders if Tay ended up doing anything with the original carrots he prepared that were the wrong shape/size. Everyone also enjoyed both of the games they played at the pool, especially the dancing one. They praise/tease Earth's and Mix's dancing. They recap the sleeping position interpretations and agree that the interpretations were all quite accurate. They talk about their surprise that the production team were still watching them and collecting footage after midnight; Phuwin says that they did tell them in advance that they'd be watched 24/7, but he didn't think it was literally going to be all 24 hours. They recap the hammer game and how quick and intense Neo was. They're planning to take MBTI assessments together tonight.
    • 5:46:20 Fan Comments: Fans ask about how Neo's voice is doing. Fans compliment Luke for being nice and supportive of everyone. Neo adds that he appreciates Luke's humour and how he always laughs at his jokes even if he doesn't understand. They make fun of how Neo tries to get out of washing the dishes by looking busy with other things. Neo says that tomorrow he's going to start being serious about winning more medals.
• 5:51:00 Relaxing time. They start another game of Werewolf shortly before the stream ends.

My (15F) siblings (18M and 13F) don't get told off nearly as often as me, and when they do it's considerably less harsh than what I get. For example, I was practising flute with the phone (none of us have our own phones, this one is my dead grandad's phone that my dad keeps in case any of us needs it) on the stand, and then the stand slid forward and caused the phone to fall off and break. My dad immediately started raging at me, telling me to "wake up my idea" and repeatedly calling me a "F--kwit" even though it was kind of already broken, whereas my brother punched the computer in the study out of rage because it wouldn't print and only got a lecture. My sister rarely gets told off and if she does, it's barely anything, maybe just a lecture and then everything's fine.
I also have to do considerably more chores than the two of them, and whenever I ask why they never have to do anything, they look annoyed, and my dad makes excuses for them. When I asked my mum why they didn't have to, she said "You shouldn't have to wait for your dad to ask you, you should volunteer to do it out of the goodness of your heart." Just typing this makes me annoyed. Half the time my siblings aren't even studying, they're just playing games or talking to their friends.
Another incident that happened just recently was a few days ago was when I was crocheting something for a friend's birthday present, and then my mum came over and told me off, saying that I should have been studying or practising the piano (I hate the piano, and she knows it but makes me do it anyway.). I'd already been studying the past few days, and when I said so she raged and said "I shouldn't be allowing you to do this," and I said "So I needed PERMISSION to do this?" and my dad immediately started cussing me out, saying that "I didn't have permission to cry, that I didn't have permission to do anything without asking, that I was cruel and that he was going to make every last word haunt me".
The ironic thing is that we're Christian. Or at least we're supposed to be. Though if I'm being honest, they don't seem to act like it.
Whenever I make a slight remark about me being the least favourite, they laugh it off and call me things like "A naughty girl," and that it's my own fault, and that "They don't mean it and that I'm actually the favourite because I'm the first daughter." If that's the case, someone explain to me why I was in more trouble than the rest of my siblings for nothing, why when I was 5 my dad held a knife to my foot for something like skipping show and tell in pre primary, and why they know more about my siblings than me. They know that my brother likes his composition and his music. They know that my sister likes her art and her gaming. If they played a trivia quiz thing about me, I'd bet anything that they wouldn't get a single answer right. Apparently I also have a "Bad and disrespectful attitude" whenever I say something sarcastic.
Speaking of the knife incident, when I did eventually tell my mum about it when my dad wasn't around, she said I had to "Forgive him because he is my dad." And my dad always makes apologise to my mum even when I don't mean it, and gets mad at me if I don't. (I'm fine, btw. My mum and brother got back in time and he had to leave because he didn't want them to know.)
I can't even remember the last time either of my siblings were slapped or hit, when I was.
They also force me to hug them even when I'm uncomfortable with it. The worst part is my brother and sister don't see what's so bad about it, and I'm thinking "Maybe because you didn't have to go through that yourself?" I know that technically the scapegoat is the better position to be in because I know what's going on and how to deal with it, but it would be nice to not have to worry about walking on eggshells all the time.
Thing is, I don't know whether I'm actually the scapegoat or if this is just normal behaviour and I'm being dramatic.
These are just some things that happen to me in our family, that make me think that I'm the scapegoat. There's plenty of worse things but it'll get too long if I put them all down here. I guess I just needed somewhere to rant for a bit.
But that's essentially why I think I'm the scapegoat. Or it could be just that I'm an "Ungrateful and difficult child" and not actually the scapegoat, who knows?
Thanks for reading.

25, Male. The following shitshow happened over the course of two years. Trigger warning: lots of swearing
Preface: I've been fine all my life. Instagram-Model-fine. Always fit, healthy, excelling everywhere. After my first covid shot, I felt terrible, like I had the flu. I nearly fainted. Doctors said it happens sometimes. Luckily it went away after a week or so.
So it was normal, right? I went on to get my follow-up shot. After that, I suddenly got a weird paraesthesia/sensatiob in the right half of my body. From my face to my limbs. Doctors said it was probably just from laying in my bed weird and I must have pinched a nerve.
So a year later I still felt... Off. But no fainting or so. Just felt more tired than usual on some days. I was told it was just stress so I got my 3rd shot.
Oh boy. I felt like absolute dogshit for a week again and the right half of my body was feeling weird. Enter doctor: "get a new mattress, you are tired and feeling weird sensations because you don't have restful sleep and probably pinched a nerve in your sleep." He actually gave me some of this electric massage stuff, so there's that.
By that time, I still felt at 90% battery however. I just knew aomething was off about the 10%. I felt something creeping up but I was called a hypochondriac. Note, I was actually climbing literal mountains at that time. Hiking 3 days straight with a backpack half as heavy as me. However, before that I hiked for 4-5 days straight.
I was fine, but I felt something coming up. Doctor: "you're as healthy as one can be, don't worry. All your labs are fine".
Yeah. Just a month after my last hike I get pain in my feet. Burning. So the doctor says something that can be broken down to "yay, new symptoms. That's what hypochondriacs do! Have some anti depressants!". I pushed and got referred to a neurologist, who said it sounds like a picture book example of neuropathy.
So what does the neuro doctor do? You're right! The wrong fucking test. He measured the conductance of my motor nerves. Nothing bad? Hypochondriac! A month later I get a letter for him. The blood tests showed something weird (sic!) about my nervous system metabolism. What do I get?
(a) No explanation or follow up exam
(b) A prescription for Vitamins
(c) Called a hypochondriac
(d) All of the above
You're right! It's answer D!
So now I'm a hypochondriac and have a prescription for B vitamins. I go on my merry way and have no Idea where to go again. I knew something was wrong with me and that I'm not a hypochondriac.
That's what a hypochondriac would say, right?
Caveat is, my girlfriend is a fucking psychologist and she, after having me fill out some questionnaires she got from work, concluded that I in no way fulfill the diagnostic criteria for a hypochondriac. I got that confirmed by two other, independent psychologists.
Doctor:

"They didn't study medicine like I did, to me you're still a hypochondriac."

insert spongebob meme here
"YoUr BloOodWoRk iS fiNe, sO yoU'Re fiNe"
What do I do now? You're right. Get a new doctor.
While I'm on the waiting list it finally happens. I faint. Just once. Just a little bit. But now I knew something fucked me up.
A month or so later, I also have seen an orthopedist for my "pinched nerve". He did a full blown eminem and in 10 seconds blurted:
"Yeah sounds fucked up probably something possibly nothing not really my field see a neurologist bye"
and went back to his office to like, I don't know, finish his registration to a rap battle.
My girlfriend's birthday was coming up. What did I get her for her birthday? A nice purse. What did I get for her birthday.

Fucking Covid

3 vaccinations for the price of feeling like absolute dogshit and I still catch it.
Cue me: Wanted to get Pizza with my GF. Drove to the pizza place. Fucking fainted at the counter. Take the pizza. Drive the slow route home, feel like fainting all the time. Get home. Sprint to the couch, collapse on it, feel like actually dying, for real, then and there. Hyperventilate so much that I start seizing. Get taken to the hospital by paramedics with all horns and sirens because my heart rate was 150 and my temperature 40°C!
I didn't even get to eat my goddamn pizza!
What do the doctors do there? Quiz
(a) keep me for a night to monitor
(b) Extensive tests
(c) Dunno, something useful? LIKE A FUCKING COVID TEST
(d) No more than a small blood panel and ECG, then send me home even though my white blood cells were through the roof, HR was still 130+ and my temperature just shy of 40°C
That one's easy it's obviously D.
Ever since that day, the feeling of fainting, palpitations, air hunger and severe brain fog (forgot where I was and became totally disoriented a lot) just didn't go away.
The appointment with a new GP doctor I was faiting for so long was coming up in the following days. Told her what happened. What did she do? Said it's probably psychosomatic and ordered a new blood panel.
When that blood panel came, she did something truly wonderful. It showed that something was seriously wrong with me (I still had acute covid, i guess) so what did she do? A covid test?
HAHHAHA NO. Accused me of doing Heroin and ordered a fucking drug panel. That came back negative for everything so in her surprise she called me...
Now we all sing it together
HY-PO-HONDRIAC
I begged and pleaded with her to do a ecg again because I felt like my heart was jumping out of my chest. By that time, my acute covid has disappeared but all the other symptoms stayed. I could not walk the stairs to her office and fainted there multiple times. She reluctantly agreed, actually gave me a holter monitor and after like a week of waiting fucking refused to tell me the results. Yes. She said she is not going to tell me the results because that is "just going to fuel my anxiety disorder".
For anyone who doesn't know the language of doctors who never heard of the Hippocratic oath, that means "Your test results are dogshit and show something is absolutely wrong, but I told you there was nothing wrong before so I'm going to make it your fault instead of admitting my mistake."
I put myself on the waiting list for a cardiologist because she refused to refer me to one. In the meantime, I collapsed again and was brought to the hospital where they kept me for 3 days. They suspected a stroke because I was in such bad shape. CT scan done, nothing. Lumbar puncture, nothing. Time to go home.
The very next day for some reason, after just a week or so, I was called to the cardiologist I "applied to". He got the results of the holter monitor from my oh-so-wonderful GP. His only words: "Hospital. Now."
So from a neurology department to a cardiology department within a few days. Yay.
They again did a holter monitor, echo, and stress ECG. Results: Right before I fainted with them one day, the holter monitor showed a high score of fucking 195 BPM. What now? "It's probably the autonomous nervous system" but write nothing of that sort into my release papers, schedule a fucking Electrophysiological Heart Catheterization (that hurt like HELL) and then send me away on beta blockers without a clue, saying my cardiologist should do further testing.
The cardiologist did a tilt table test right then and there and immediately diagnosed me with POTS.
Hahahaha you fell for it. He told me to relax and do some cardio sports, then said he has no idea what else to do.
Got on the waiting list for another new GP because the one I had at the time was already reported to the medical board and after 3 months waiting I finally saw him (only after becoming literally bedridden and a regular at the ER, so much that one of the paramedics is now a buddy I sometimes play online games with)
What did he say? Sounds like Long-Covid and Post-Vac syndrome. Not a joke this time.
He ran a battery of tests and diagnosed me with... Nothing. He was the first doctor to admit, he has no idea what's wrong with me but that there is something that I'm not imagining.
In the meantime, I have seen about 5 more specialists for lungs, nervous system and heart. None of them, literally none of them ever even mentioned the possibilty or even the existence of something called a "tilt table test".
It is now, nearly to the day, one year after my first trip to the hospital. In a stroke of unbelievale luck, my girlfriend first got a job at a "neurologist's practice" to compensate for my loss of income after I lost my job in research. Yeah. I didn't mention that before but I worked as a fucking scientist, degree and all that.
In that neurological practice however, they got a new doctor. Someone with a name I can't pronounce from a faraway country. This doctor specializes in disorders of the autonomous nervous system and especially covid related long-term problems.
My girlfriend talked to them and they immediately said "Pots!!" and that I should come see them. Appointment is next week.
But god damn the doctors in this country are fucking useless.

I (17m) have been dating a girl (16f) for 7 months. The start was very rough; she would not talk to me unless we were in school. I later found out that there was so much about her I didn't know, and once I pressed on that, she opened up, and we started talking like a normal couple. Throughout the relationship, there have been bumps in the road, but nothing too major except for the communication. All the time, she tells me she's fine, and then I later find out she was sad or mad about something, or I can tell she's in a mood, and then she tells me 'I'm just having a bad day' or 'I'm fine.' I always have to ask a million questions and keep addressing it until she finally tells me what the problem is, and even then, sometimes it's not the full story. On top of that, I primarily initiate contact, whether it's texting or asking to hang out. I feel like I'm always initiating it. She does do it sometimes. I've talked to her before about these issues, and she says she understands and that she will do better, and for a little while, she does, but then it slips and goes right back. I know she loves me, but I feel like I'm only being prioritized or appreciated when it's convenient and she feels good enough to do so.
I've been thinking about this for a while and kind of been pushing it to the side, thinking that it will get better over time, but the events today have led me to seek advice on Reddit.
What happened today:
So usually we FaceTime at night, but last night she went to sleep. I would’ve appreciated a goodnight text, but things happen, so whatever. I go to sleep and wake up to this message sent at 2:54 am (she woke up, at least that's what she told me):
"[My name], I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting lately. I’ve been so disrespectful and unfair to you, and that is unacceptable. I said I would work on it, but it just keeps coming back. I’m sorry for giving you a rough time today as well as other days. I will try harder. I know it’s hard to believe because of how many times I say it, but I will try harder. You are the first boy in my life that actually met ‘me,’ the real me, and you never judged me for the ways that I express myself. You always make it a point to tell me I’m beautiful every day, even on bad days. You do so much for me, and I’m sorry that I’ve been lacking. I hope you know that I really love you so, so much more than anything and anyone in this world. I’m so greatly grateful that you are still here with me. I really hope you enjoy your gift on October 16, 2024 (this is our 1-year anniversary). I’m so excited for you to see it; I’m still working on it, I haven’t forgotten. Again, [my name], I’m sorry for just everything I’ve done. I want to make it up to you, but I can only do that by showing you. I love you so much, [my name]. Again, I’m sorry for everything. Goodnight, sweet dreams. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, my love. 🫶"
So I woke up for school and read this message and felt like my feelings were validated until the end of the school day. I had to stay after and retake a quiz, and usually, we walk together to the car. I told her I was going to take the quiz, and she said, “Okay, I love you :(.” So I said, “I love you too. I’ll stop by after I'm done if no one's home” (I can't stop by her house if her parents are home because they are very strict), and she responded with a thumbs up. Once school ended, I finished my quiz and texted her, saying, “I'm leaving school now. Is anyone home?” and she said, “I don’t know,” and left it at that. The way I look at it is she didn’t want me to come, so I texted her a little bit after and said, “If you didn’t want me to come see you, you could've just said that instead of blowing me off,” and she responded with, “I just wanted a minute to decompress, and I think my uncle’s home. His car’s not here, but I thought I heard him talking.” So I left her on read, and 5 minutes later, she texted me again, saying, “[My name], do you still want to come over?” I just said, “Nope,” and she said, “Okay,” and that was the end of the conversation.
This led me to Reddit because I’m so sick of this, but I know I’m also an anxiously attached person, so sometimes I feel like I work things up for myself more than it should be. I need to hear what other people think. Please ask questions if needed.

34 NB AFAB - I took a test I found here on facial expressions & did fairly average https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/ei_quiz - The facial expressions I thought didn't look truly natural to me, especially happiness ( i think she looked a little sad tbh. There was no flash or sparkle to the eyes) so took the whole test w a grain of salt.
But the contempt or disgust expression really upset me. I thought they were sad or uncomfortable, and expression I see people making all the time when I'm having a conversation with them...thinking people are just vulnerable or Ive hit a button that reminds them of something & I've been rude accidentally...but when I got the incorrect answer that it was contempt...I realized that people are making that face in conversation with me ALL. THE. TIME. Which means all my colleagues really did hate me/have contempt.
Are there any resources people know about on how to better understand facial expressions? Is there some tests or research I can do to learn this? And then maybe come up with a script on how to deal with the contempt/disgust when it does take place?
I work in a good environment now but I still am working in a world where I have to interact occasionally with very wealthy neurotypical people & want to be able to protect myself by at least understanding what is going on when they suddenly shift into disgust & contempt.
I'm already highly masked, my scores for this portion are extremely high - & yes I am trying to unmask, but the high masking does occasionally come in handy and keep me safe as I need to remain employed in my current position while I build a larger support system.
Anyone have some resources to better understand facial expressions?
Also: I don't make any of the same facial expressions based on the emotions they listed in this test...so I guess Im also making facial expressions wrong. Except happiness, all my faces are different.

If you’re doubtful about kids, I’d suggest not getting with a man with kids. A single dad will have his kids as the priority, and you will have to (at the very least) plan your time around that, and adjust as the child’s schedule dictates. You may also play a larger part in that child’s life as time goes on — yeah, you may not be their parent, but you would still be an adult that is closely active in the child’s life and very closely connected to that child’s parent.
So if you’re not 100% cool with that, I would say that maybe you just shouldn’t get involved with that kind of situation.
I think it depends on what children of her own means, some people don’t want to go through the whole pregnancy stage and babies stage and would be happy to step in and be a part of a child life’s Some of my friends don’t want to halt their career for right now for maternity leave but as woman have a biological clock and they might not want to have a baby at 40 becoming a step parent isn’t a downside or like me with chronic health issues, pregnancy would wreck my body and I wouldn’t be healthy post birth to be a caregiver so my only option is adoption of a kid post toddler age or being a step parent
Or it could me she doesn’t want to be raising a kid at all, it’s probably best to not date men with kids
I guess one question for yourself is- why are you pretty sure you don't want kids?
If it's that you don't want to birth one, but you do enjoy kids, then maybe this is a compromise you can make with the right guy
If you don't want to raise kids, period- then you probably shouldn't date guys with kids. Ultimately, if it gets serious, you'll be stepping in to co-raise them.
They may be great guys, but if you don't want to have kids because you fundamentally don't want raising kids to be a big part of the next 15 years of your life... That's probably the answer.
Best wishes to you!
I’d rather be single than dating men with kids, that’s just a hard dealbreaker for me. And like you I’m leaning towards don’t want kid myself.
Finding someone special is rare enough, but when you reach a certain age, there’s a good chance that the person you find may be a package deal. I met an amazing guy that I fell for fast and during one of those “getting to know each other” moments, I learned he had kids. Intimidating? Yes. Dealbreaker? Certainly not. Still, here’s what I wish I’d known about dating a single dad before I started.
The kids will always come first.
We made dates and sometimes he’d have to cancel. If one of them got sick or he needed to be there for them in some way, our life was put on hold. It was difficult at first but I had to remember that kids deserve that from a parent. We couldn’t make spontaneous plans and things would often get interrupted. I knew he was worth it so I adapted quickly but I had to remember that I would never be number one. This is perhaps the most important thing to know and accept when dating a single dad.
You need to share your time.
New relationships go through the phase where you want to spend every waking second with each other. I definitely felt this with the guy I’m dating but with kids in the picture, being together 24/7 isn’t an option. Once that clicked, I actually found it sexy that he could love someone so much as he does his kids.
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It’ll take some time to meet them but when you do, be interested.
Dating a single dad necessitates involvement in the kids’ lives if you’re going to be together long-term. While you may not meet them right away, that time will come. The kids had to deal with their parents splitting up, which can be hard, so I knew that meeting them wasn’t going to come right away. I did want my guy to know that I understood his role as a parent so I would ask questions about them or their lives. I loved hearing him get so excited talking about the cute little things they would do. Just like it was new to me to have kids in my life, having another woman in his and his children’s lives was new to him too. I wanted him to know that I was supportive of his little family.
There will be an ex and she deserves respect.
Whether it’s an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or ex-one-night stand, there will always be another woman in the picture when you’re dating a single dad. I honestly found this extremely tough and had to check my jealousy at the door. There were constant reminders of her, not only in the kids themselves but in memories, photos, and so on. I had to be an adult and remember that it didn’t work out for a reason. She calls and texts him regularly but I keep in mind it’s for the children. Funny enough, I even have a positive relationship with her now too since we both just want what’s best for the kids.
Tough moments will happen and he’ll need your support.
I remember fairly early in our relationship, we were at dinner and out of nowhere his demeanor completely changed from happy to sad. He told me that he missed going out to dinner as a family. Again, I had to hold in any jealous feelings and be mindful that I was dating a single dad who used to be part of a family unit. These moments came where he’d miss regular, routine things and all I could do was listen and be there. I had to be very patient and let him feel those things. He wasn’t missing his ex in particular, just the moments they shared as a family.
When you do meet the kids, it’ll take some time to warm up… for all of you.
When it was finally time for me to be introduced to his kids, it was a slow process. A new woman in their dad’s life was not what they were used to and they’d already experienced a lot of changes. I chose to let them dictate our time together. I’d let them show me their toys, we played games and I didn’t force anything. I let them decide how they wanted to get to know me and it developed naturally the more we interacted. I knew I couldn’t push them into accepting me—it had to come at their pace.
Always remember: you’re not their mom.
This almost seems too obvious to mention, but I found that it was sometimes hard not to be a parent when you’re around little ones. If we were spending time together, I’d make sure their dad played the parental role. I wasn’t a pushover and if I needed to say no, I did, but I left the real parenting to him. I still wanted them to respect me, so if it was something I could answer without feeling like I was overstepping, I would, but everything else I directed to their parents.
It can show you a side of love that you may never have known existed.
Seeing him with his kids showed me that he had a great capacity to love people and to make time for them. He actually had his act together! All of those earlier feelings of not getting all the attention and having to take a backseat to the kids on occasion went away when I learned how much this man was capable of loving other people. I felt really lucky to be a part of that and I still do.
Chances are, you’ll become attached.
After spending time with my boyfriend and his kids, I noticed I would really miss them when they were away. I started to develop my own relationship with them and it was really special to me. This was a great thing, but I also had to keep in mind that if he and I broke up, I’d not only be breaking up with him but with the kids, too. This helped me to focus on keeping our relationship strong. Dating a single dad came with a lot of perks for me too.
You must be pretty special.
Overall, I knew that I had to be a person that meant a hell of a lot to my single dad boyfriend. Since he had two little people that depended on him, he wasn’t going to go bringing just anyone into that dynamic. He wanted to make a place for me not only his life but the lives of his children. That’s a level of respect from another person I’d never experienced before and it helped with all the little insecurities that sometimes plague me. I was important, loved, and most of all, I was included.

Ever since I was a kid my dad and mom always fought both physically and verbally. At the age of 7 it just became normal for me and I would just mind my own business. I have a brother who's four years older than me. We were just like the typical siblings who fought and played around although he hit me a lot. My brother and dad never see eye to eye as my brother got my dad's ego so they always fight. They even fought physically when I was in grade 6. My dad used to be alcoholic so he used to beat my mom, me and my brother. They didn't let me go out when I wanted to and he always scolded me and hit me for even a slightest thing. I remember when my brother got 3rd in exam and my dad slapped him because my brother always got 1st. There was a time when I got 79/100 in one subject and my dad hit me and fed me the paper. My father was not only an alcoholic but he also had a lot of affairs which my mom knew and always cried. One day when I was in the 7th grade, my brother went to his friends house for sleepover and my dad suddenly fought with my mom and then hit her. He pulled my hair and locked me in my room. I covered my ears cuz I was too scared. I saw my mom's phone so I tried to call the police but my dad came and snatched the phone. My neighbor knocked the door and asked why they were right but my dad slammed the door and then proceeded to hit my mom. He said he was "sorry" for what he did to me like the audacity. There was also a time when my mom and dad went out and then my mom came home with wounds. Idk what he did but my mom got pulled outside with the car. They fought and divorced on my exam which I failed and got held back. He obviously married the woman he was cheating on my mom with who I never met but my mom apparently followed my dad one day and saw him with the woman on the bed. Two years later he went to another country with that woman and then called me too. I had no choice since practically there's more chance for my career pathway in that country and my mom knows that so yeah she is okay with that. So I came here and I'm not happy at the slightest. Not only that they keep scolding me for not getting out of my room and not talking to them. He even said that I have a lot "ego" which made me annoyed. His wife's daughter also came here after few months and that was the beginning of my shitty life. She told her mom that I "shit talked" about her when I clearly didn't even talk to her and I'm not that dumb enough to shit talk in front of their daughter. My step mom came in my room and yelled at me. Then she would scold me for not doing anything like I literally did the dishes, cleaned the house and all. Her daughter just stayed in the room talking to her bf and doing nothing. My dad and step mom started to fight due to financial problems and they always bring up me and her daughter in their fight which makes both of us awkward too. One day they fought because his wife kept spending too much money and my dad transferred the money to my account to save it for her uni fees. But she clearly wasn't happy about that so she came to my room and told me to transfer the money. They fought a lot and even broke my phone. She is so immature like it makes my blood boil. She thinks she does all the work and we should do everything cuz of that. I know she's also providing for me and that she works hard but why does she have to act so privileged about it. She scolds me for not washing the dishes when it's her and her daughter is the one who kept it there. I always wash my dishes when I'm done so it makes me want to beat the hell out of her. My dad is trying to be better and I know that but I just can't forgive him for what he did to my mom. One day I made him do a mbti quiz and there was a question saying "do you regret what you did in the past" and he pressed no which bugged me a lot. It doesn't feel like home at all it's too suffocating staying here. I miss my mom as she is patient chill and understanding. She does scold me and hit me when I fail my subject 😭 but it's cuz she cares about my future. I used to be a topper but at some point I became "lazy" and didn't care about my studies. I never paid attention to the class or studied. But the I only failed with 2 marks. Because of my past my personality became dismissive and I became insecure about my looks too. But after coming here I made a friend who has a same humor as me. She made me quite fun too💀. Anyways I have a lot of things to say but it's becoming too long so I'll stop here. Thank you for reading as I just wanted to rant cuz his wife scolded me for no reason which made me annoyed.

I found a post about the Greyrat Children which caught my eyes, the original post is in the link, below is GPT translated, shout out to the original guy We saw in Redundancy Vol 1 Lucy's POV when she was young. She felt that Rudy expected nothing from her.
In the WN version, where Rifujin did not specify much about Lucy, many things were left in the air. At least, I understood that the issue of believing that "nothing was expected of them" had extended to Ars and Sieg thanks to Lucy's complex.
From what I understand, Chris didn't think such things, and since Lily and Lara could read minds, they didn't have confused ideas.
This has been much more clarified (or perhaps modified) in the chapter "The Greyrat Children."
Here we see that Lucy is brutally talented. She is basically "The Perfect Older Sister."
She is incredibly intelligent, gets good grades, is social, quite centered, and at this point (she is 13), she is much more talented with the sword than all her siblings.
Moreover, being extremely talented with magic, she uses the same strategy as Rudy did as a child, fighting with a sword in one hand while using "Shockwave" with the other to change direction quickly, making it impossible for Ars to follow her.
She is basically a "Magic Swordswoman." If you've read the chapter "The Elite Soldiers of Shirone" in the "Special Book," you know how difficult it is to fight someone who is talented in both swordsmanship and magic, and that guy needed enchantments, but Lucy doesn't.
Basically, at this point in time, Lucy far surpasses the talent of all her siblings combined. But this hasn't been achieved easily. She has worked hard to earn Rudeus's recognition.
Now, before continuing, let's explain something about the psychological world.
One of the most important personality tests in the world (and definitely the most recognized worldwide) is the "Big Five" test.
It measures five aspects of a person's personality that are genetically ingrained.
These are:
Openness = Openness to experience Conscientiousness = Measures how organized or disorganized a person is and whether they work hard or not. Extraversion = How extroverted you are Agreeableness = How kind and amiable you are with people Neuroticism = How much negative emotions affect you These form the "OCEAN" model and are used not only for hiring new employees but also for ad campaigns.
Those quizzes that say "Take this quiz to see which Harry Potter character you are!" usually collect your personality information to create your psychological profile and then target you with ads.
If you want to know more about this process, here's a talk with Alexander Nix in Hamburg, Germany, explaining how they used this exact method for a specialized ad campaign to help Trump win the presidency:
https://youtu.be/6bG5ps5KdDo?si=NrYWaPTv-uO5KZsF
Anyway, back to what interests us.
The OCEAN model can describe a lot about a person. One thing it has proven is that "opposites don't necessarily attract."
If a highly extroverted person gets together with someone highly introverted, this relationship will generally end up harming both greatly.
Similarly, someone with high "Agreeableness" hates conflicts, accepts everything from others, and if not "properly trained," they end up suffering because they never impose their will and always accept what others impose on them.
And if this type of person enters into a relationship with someone with low Agreeableness, in other words, someone confrontational who has no problem imposing their will, the first will suffer a lot.
Here we get to Lucy, someone with a very high level of "Conscientiousness."
These people can work brutally hard for long periods without stopping, they need structure, order, and can even feel physical pain in a disordered and dirty environment (think of people who thrive in the military).
Lara is her opposite, with a low level in this metric; she can be in the middle of chaos and dirt without caring.
Lucy, at this point in life, at 13 years old, has been working extremely hard to reach her position. She excels in everything she does, striving in every available area.
She has become highly competent in absolutely everything she does, and with the talent to do so, all for one single purpose.
To gain Rudy's recognition by giving her a "structure to follow."
Over the years, she has sought him out several times to ask for a goal, a purpose, the structure she so needs.
She has asked him many times, "What do you expect from me?"
But Rudy always rejects these efforts, saying, "You should do what you want."
For Lucy, this is not only a rejection of all her most basic needs but also makes her feel like she is a "failure" to Rudeus, a failure to the point where he doesn't care about her.
Eris doesn't help; apparently, Eris keeps shouting in the family that Ars will be "the heir." He will be the head of the Greyrat house. Rudy doesn't care because he doesn't see his family with noble obligations. Sylphie and Roxy say nothing to avoid fighting with Eris, but they don't care about those "positions" either.
However, Ars is an idiot; he inherited the worst of Eris's IQ. He himself admits he knows he is an idiot, and he feels awkward with his mother shouting about him being the heir.
He doesn't even understand what that means, and he has no idea what he has to do. He accepts that he is an idiot incapable of even having a "slightly complex" thought. Even if he "thinks hard about a solution to a problem," he can't obtain it; without Aisha, he would be screwed in life.
And he's supposed to handle things with nobles and complex problems like his father? No way!
On the other hand, we have Lara, who is expected to be "the savior of the world," someone who at this point is not only less competent than Lucy but also only excels in magic and jokes.
When it comes to jokes, she's intelligent, quick, agile, capable, but give her a sword and she becomes totally useless, and she's extremely lazy, not wanting to do anything.
Imagine having all of Lucy's talent, being as competent as she is, having worked for years to excel in everything, only to have what you want most given to less competent people due to factors beyond your control?
So, Ars, doing push-ups (punishment after losing a duel in training), asks Lucy:
"What are you going to do after studying?"
Lucy answers that she's going to the Asura academy.
Ars asks:
"No, I mean, after everything?"
Lucy starts to say she has no idea since no one expects anything from her.
Ars immediately reacts, saying that isn't true.
But then Lucy explodes, saying it's easy to say that when he is given swords and expected to be the head of the Greyrat house and a great swordsman.
Or easy for Lara, who is given staffs while expected to save the world.
Even Sieg already has a path while training with Alek.
But with Lucy, there's silence. Rudy refuses to give her that path because he wants to be "the cool dad" who lets them choose what they want.
But that freedom for people with high "Conscientiousness" is a heavy burden.
Roxy mildly scolded Rudy in Vol 22, saying he sees what he wants to see with his family and not what's really happening. By constantly being on the road, he can't involve himself better with his family.
Aisha, in her deleted chapter, scolded Rudeus for this same mistake, telling him he should talk more with his children and stop living in his idealized world.
In Jobless Obligue (WN), this also hit him like a hammer.
The problem is that Rudeus is a complete idiot with these things. He has obvious things in front of him but can't see them.
It took him a year to realize that "Fitz" was Sylphie, and if it hadn't been blatantly obvious, who knows how long it would have taken.
He also went along thinking Nanahoshi would be fine after her failure, only for her to explode seconds later in episode 15 of the anime.
He's very dense in recognizing that Lucy's constant questions are a desperate cry for what she wants most: structure, a path, a goal to follow.
She feels like she is putting a lot of effort into many areas for absolutely nothing.
Before realizing it, amid complaints to Ars and Lara for not understanding her since they have "their goals," their parents expect something from them, tears start to fall.
Ars, at this moment, understands even more his level of stupidity. He has no idea what to say.
Both Ars, Lara, and Sieg are lost, never having seen their sister like this.
Clive arrives to the rescue, calming Lucy and taking her inside the house to make her feel better.
All the siblings really don't understand why their parents are doing things this way.
For all of them, Lucy is obviously the best option to be the "head of the Greyrat house."
If the position were given to her, no one would complain; everyone knows she is the right choice, and everyone knows Ars is an idiot.
Ars is left in the clouds; on one hand, he didn't understand
The post is roughly translated, so pardon me for using GPT for this xD

The 2010s was a rough year for Mecha. With the anime market aiming towards Isekai & harems, many Mecha shows fell behind the times. While sometimes we would get hidden gems like Buddy Complex, Gargantia, & Majestic Princes, we also had our handful of garbage like Aldnoah.Zero & Macross Delta. Both levels of quality are definitely apparent in the next AU Gundam, Gundam AGE. This anime represents both the strong points & faults that the next Gundam shows will have throughout the decade. As for the anime itself, depending on where you look it's viewed in 2 ways; an underappreciated gem that doesn't get talked about nearly as much or a series that's disliked by a handful of Gundam fans. However, there's a problem that permeates throughout the anime, it's an overly long series with 49 episodes to boot. So I'm gonna split this review into 3 parts. The 1st will deal with Flint’s Arc, 2nd with be Asemu’s arc, the 3rd with be Kio & the ending with all 3 MCs. I'll also provide links to the next & previous parts so you can read them at your own pace (and to get through Reddit’s 40,000 character limit). Anyways, enjoy the reviews
Flint's Arc: This is probably the most basic Gundam arc you can think of with it borrowing many ques from the original series. Luckily there's enough to separate itself from the other shows for it to stand out. Whether it be with its different takes on its world, unique world building, and some new character dynamics, there's enough to make this it's own thing. However, due to its tone being aimed towards a younger audience, there were a handful of moments where it really pulled its punches. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

• Story:
  • After losing his mother from an Unknown Enemy, Flint spends 7 years of his life to finish her research for making a powerful weapon to fight this powerful. But just as it gets done, the UE returns & forces many people out of colonies with a small group of Federation soldiers. But the closer they learn who the UE are, the more they learn about the dark history of the Advanced Generation.
  • So like SEED, but without the telenovela drama, sex scenes, or most of the gore. Most of the story is them going colony to colony fighting the UE & avoiding the Federation over the action of one man. And unfortunately for us, this anime exclusively follows that format. One thing I can comment on is how this anime is seemingly aimed towards kids. I can’t put my finger on it but it feels like I’m watching a kids show with gundam slapped onto it. There’s still death in this anime, it doesn’t hide from it. But it’s kinda like the Anti-Tomino in the way it handles it, as in we don’t necessarily see any form of intensive violence. Whether that's a good or bad thing, I’ll leave up to you.
  • There's not really a whole I can comment on, since the problems in this series aren't a big deal yet or don't exist until the later arcs. I can at least say that this anime is straightforward and nearly every episode is important to one another as they expand on both the story & the world building. So overall, an alright start to the series.
• Characters:
  • While not every character matters in this arc or will matter for the rest of the series, most of them are pretty well handled and developed through the show. The only downside is definitely the character designs. It's made by the person who made the character designs for Inazuma Eleven, Yuuko Inoue. I mean, in a child friendly series it makes more sense since the tone is lighter, but in a Gundam series where death is a constant occurrence makes the characters look cheap & out of place, but that's about it.
  • Starting off with the Earth Federation Forces, we got the Diva crew. 1st off we got our MC, Flint Asuno. Honestly, he’s probably one of the better written characters in the series. He starts off the series as a bright & eager young man with a desire to protect everyone from the UE. Most of the meat of his character comes later in the series when his hatred for the UE grows, but here he's more level headed and works hard to achieve his goals. I'll go more deeper into his character in the later arcs, but here he's alright.
  • Grodek Ainoa is a pretty interesting character as he's a different take on the captain archetype in Gundam. Usually these characters are an under ranked soldier forced to replace the head of command after their death. Here, Grodek commits a mutiny against the real Federation captains who were going to ditch the people of the colony to save their skins. He may be mysterious and even does shady things like working with black market dealers & crime lords, but he genuinely cares for the crew and can even relate to Flint as he too lost his family to the UE too. It's nice to see a captain character relating to the MC, instead of slapping him for existing.
  • And then there’s Woolf Enneacle, who’s easily the best character. He’s a chill dude who starts off cocky, but he still cares for others. I also do like that he uses his instincts when it comes to piloting, adding to his wolf-like antics. However he came out of nowhere with a cryopod and said that he did MS racing (that never becomes relevant). On the other hand, like Hawkgirl from JL, they're likable enough to make us not question it.
  • One problem though, he's kinda one of last of the interesting characters as everyone else is sorta forgettable. The only ones worth talking about are Emily, Vargas, and Dique. Emily is basically Flint's love interest who's constantly worried about him and can get in his way at times. It's a little annoying, but it makes sense since she doesn't want to lose him. Outside of that, she doesn't have much personality (prophetic for things to come). Vargas doesn't have much personality either & is basically just the mechanic (man I miss Ian). And then there's Dique, and MY GOD WHAT PERSON IN GOD'S NAME WOULD CREATE SUCH AN ABOMINATION. Like, sweet Christ why would the character designer make the most unappealing creature to make us bleach our fucking eyes out.
  • But outside of those 2 and that ugly fuck, I can't comment on the other characters. 2 of them do become relevant in the next arc, but in this arc, calling them characters along with the rest of the crew, let's just say that would've been a lie. And you're wondering, “well how do you give 7 characters personality traits” and i mean, it's not that hard to do. You mean to tell me that within 15 episodes, you couldn't characterize 7 characters. 00 had 6 side characters from Celestial Being that weren't Gundam Meisters, that's not far off from 7. Lasse doesn't necessarily have a character arc, but he's still a beloved character. In contrast, I don't know what that black dude Adams wants. I don't know his backstory or motivation, and he basically gets forgotten about in the 2nd arc.
  • Well what about the Unknown Enemies, they probably have more personalized since they're the villains, right? I can count the number of characters in that faction who have personality on a single hang, and I don't have that many fingers to do so. First up, we have someone who dared to asked “what if Nena fucked Ali”, Desil Galette. This little shit is Cletus Kasady levels of evil and he's only fucking 7. I will say that he makes for a great rival for Flint, as we want him to put this hellspawn in his place. But that's about it, there's that blue haired cunt too, but explaining him would just be a waste of time. Grodek domed him and that's all you need to know.
  • As for the civilians, I can't comment too much on them either. Yurin L’Ciel is the only one with some importance to the story, as she brings out the remaining childhood Flint had as well ... .a child. But the downside is that the anime pulled a “lady in the fridge" trope on her to give Flint another reason to hate the UE, leaving no room for her to develop a character of her own. Another highlight of AGE’s problem when it comes to writing women (something that will also plague the 1st 2 build series). The other civilians aren’t too important, so I'll just speed through them: Don & Ract are a bunch of crime bosses who sacrifice themselves for no reason, Alzack is a shitty step-father who deserve a slow & painful death for giving Yurin away, and Mukured Macdonna is a chill mechanic who mods mobile suits with his wife.
  • Ya, the characters are sorta underdeveloped to say the least. I will excuse it however since it's basically just the beginning of the anime, and it makes sense that not every character has their shit together just yet. While they are some bad apples here & there, they fade in the background and basically become forgettable, making them less annoying. Again, I can't complain too much, as the problems in the anime aren't too much of a big deal yet. So overall, a couple of diamonds in the rough.
• World Building:
  • I think AGE does set up the Advance Generation pretty well and gives it just enough to stand out. This arc mainly focuses on the space colonies and they don't go to Earth until the end of arc 2. I think it makes sense since the last AU Gundam series was so focused on Earth, so it makes sense for AGE to be focused in space. I also do like the safety features each colony has, one has its core that’s basically a shelter & escape pod in case the colony gets destroyed, while another colony has safety walls pop up in the streets when a mobile suit fight ensues. Although, while I do like the idea of a colony owned by the mafia, this anime spends so long on that idea. It’s not Moon Moon levels of bad, but it loses its luster after one episode.
  • As for the factions, if you thought the Earth Alliance & ZAFT were dumb in SEED, it got some good competitions with the EFF & UE on the idiot quiz. Starting with the Earth Federation Forces (it's confusing, I know), they made their mark as dumbasses the moment the real captains were willing to ditch the colony civilians to save their skins. If that wasn’t bad enough, they sent captains after Grodek instead of using their resources to fight off the UE. These guys are so corrupt & stupid that it's not even funny, and there’s even more examples of their idiocy coming up.
  • As the Unknown Enemy, they’re real classification are Vagans. The anime sets them up as an unstoppable force who attack without warning and indiscriminately. And their motives? They were once from Earth who were sent to Mars by the EFF to colonize it, and once they discovered Mars has a virus that violently kills off the colonists, the EFF does nothing and ditches their ass. And what did the colonists do? Build ugly ass mechs and kill other colonists on site. This is a dumbass move on both sides as the EFF completely ditched them and erased their existence to the outside world, while the Vagans decided to take out frustrations out on INNOCENT CIVILIANS instead of exposing their dirt to the media. It gets worse once we learn why the EFF has such restricted tech and why Vagans have such advanced tech, which I’ll get to in the later arcs. I’m also not gonna bring up Euba or Zalam, as they’re forgettable to say the least. At least the idea of a 3rd party MS Modding company in the form of Madorna Workshop is pretty cool. It’s something I wish was brought up in more mecha shows in general as why wouldn’t you want to mod a giant robot with equipment the government just doesn't have.
  • So overall, despite the factions with low brain cells, the AG era has enough going for it with differing traits that aren't found in many shows. I know there’s newtype of character called “X-Rounders' ', But I’ll get to those in the later arcs.
• Mobile Suits:
  • While it has a small amount of mobile suits, being the 1st arc and all, the anime does have some decent designs. Along with the pretty engaging fight scenes, the mobile suits look really good and fitting for what they're going for. I also do like the idea of the AGE builder, which is essentially a 3-D printer that makes weapons & equipment based on combat data. That last part is a really nice touch as the AGE builder doesn't make stuff out of thin air, it needs the Gundam to gain experience from previous battles to make its equipment. It adds tension to the fights, as Flint either needs to rely on his wits (and X-Rounder BS) to win the fights or hold out till the builder comes up with something to get him out of a situation. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's now talk about the Feddies mobile suits now.
  • The obvious one is the AGE-1 Gundam, a pretty versatile machine that can adapt to any situation. Its standard loadout consisted of a pair of beam sabers on the hips, a basic shield, and eventually the DODS Rifle. A pretty standard machine, made to be an all-rounded general mobile suit akin to the Strike. The real meat lies within the Wear System, giving it the ability to swap out its arms & legs for different ones, turning it into either the Bulky Titus or the Slick Spallow.
    • The Titus is a heavy close combat armor with big ol’ arms with beam spikes on the shoulders, beam bracelets, some fistacups, and the thicc legs with beam spikes on the knees. Eat your heart out Ippei, Kanetake can do a better thicc suit than you.
    • Speaking of Kanetake superiority, he goes to his specialty and does the Shinobi Spallow, which is a high mobility type armor with small arms with thrusters, legs with more thrusters & shooting nails, and a tiny little dagger for some ninja action.
  • These armors are good for specific roles, like the Titus handling heavily armored enemies up close & the Spallow catching up with fast enemies. My only complaint is that they don't use a DODS Rifle or have their own special rifle, that would've been cool.
  • Now let's move onto the Feddies’ pathetic attempt at a grunt suit, the Genoace. Now I'm not even mad that it's a bland suit, it's a BBC (Basic But Customizable) and I accept this. My real complaint is the weapons this stupid thing uses. It has beam gun that's as powerful as a squirt gun I can buy at Dollar Tree and a fucking heat stick. Not a beam saber, a heat sword, or even a heat bo, but a fucking stick. And the reason for all of these restrictions is because the Silver Chalice treaty banned all past military weapons, right before the Vagans attack. Hey remember that Family Guy gag where they destroyed all they're guns and instantly got attacked by octo stewies? This is literally that, for over a fucking decade. But to give it credit where credit is due, Largan does make the most outta it with the DODS Rifle.
  • Now onto the Vagans (Imma call them this now since that is their official name), and we got a total of 5 machines. The skirt wearing Gafan with its tail beam rifle,arm beam sabers, arm beam vulcans, chest diffuse cannon, and it can turn into a dragon. The Baqto, same thing but with spikes and is thicker. The Zedas with a beam cannon & a sword. The magic girl Farsia with a sword, hover pad, and Farsia bits, seriously though are these things made exclusively for girls? And finally there's the ugly ass Defurse, and good God is this thing ugly. It looks like a fucking bell pepper on burlesque legs. Sweet Christ, what was Junya Ishigaki on when he was making it. But I gotta admit, all of these designs look rightfully alien and the fact we don't know that there were any pilots until later adds some level of mystery to them.
  • Now onto the regular civilian mobile suits. The Elmeda is essentially AGE’s answer to the Ginn, with a regular ass sword & shield. You can instantly tell how effective this thing is against Vagans. Same thing with the Xeno with its machine gun spear & regular machine. Again, does jack shit against the Vagans. The Gala & Zila are literally just Zakus with machine guns, a morning star, and heat hawk. Their Zeon simping ass ain't gonna do a damn thing against the Vagans. One of few machines with any effectiveness against the Vagans is ironically a suit not even made for combat, the Desperado. This construction unit doesn't even have official weapons, it's just a heat pickaxe and a heat shovel. And that's not the only civilian suit more effective than the real militaristic mobile suits. The Shadolls, racing civilian mobile suits, used the DODS Rifle with the M custom using a Mega Launcher that can penetrate a Vagan battleship. This also leads to the G-Exes having a pair of beam sabers and a DOS Rifle too. If you're military tech that you paid tax money for is inferior to tech made by Civilians with their pocket change, you know you've done goofed. But overall, the mobile suits are pretty decent.
  • Like SEED, whether you like the plot or not, the action is really strong and the designs are really good. There’s some weird and/or weak designs here & there, but on the whole they're used pretty effectively.
• Verdict:
  • There's honestly not a whole lot I can even say about this anime as it's just starting out and doesn't have any massive deal breakers. The story may be using overused tropes but still introduces new themes & ideas to the world of the Advanced Generation, while not every character is well developed but those who are will make a lasting impact, and while the world is runned by 2 idiotic factions, it still has cool concepts & some great MS designs. So I'll give it an Alright/10.

hey y’all! my friend would like to get typed based on observations rather than taking a quiz since there’s always a possibility of self-serving bias. here are a few things about her:
she’s quite a lazy person, doesn’t really like to plan far ahead and is definitely a “present” kind of person—this leads to a lot of procrastination, and not the best with punctuality. she likes to focus on her hobbies like watching tiktok, reading, or painting. always does the bare minimum for her academics.
she doesn’t really think too deeply about things and enjoys the simplicities of daily life. she’s not crazy emotional about things; honestly, i think she pushes it down in favor of others. not in the people-pleasing way, but she’s not crazy passionate/emotional that she would go out of her way for ethical situations. kind of a “i rather be comfortable and not confront, because things ever rarely make me feel angry” than a “i’m scared of breaking the rules and others will look down on me.” well, if someone was racist for instance, she would just stop interacting with that person instead of trying to prevent them from being racist. overall, she doesn’t act out of the societal norm, but if she broke a few rules or such without realizing, i don’t think she cares for the validation of others.
she’s in college now trying to pursue a career in pharmacy, but i don’t think that’s what she wants. her parents suggested it once (not in a forceful way) and she went along with it because she has no idea what else she would want to do. she’s a very indecisive person.
so, what do you guys think?

In our school, you stick with the same people in class for 4 years until you graduate for Senior High. Unless you're the class topper, you can decide whether to leave to a higher class.
Last year, i've always loved going to school, I would go everyday and everyone would be happy to see each other and overall was such a sweet environment, I could approach anyone and it never felt toxic. This year for me with these same people have been so messy and toxic. The S.Y started out as fun and overall the same, until we got to mid semester when everything fell apart.
I found out my friend was using me to get good grades. I've always had the mindset that since I was good at school I should influence my friends as well. This kid who we'll call ex-friend approached me from time to time and started asking me about my test or quiz scores, he clinged to me and I didn't like it (maybe this was myself warning me) but eventually I got used to him and we became friends. We were 5 friends Me, Milly, Aria, ex-friend, and one who had another friend grp Izzy. ex-friend was the only guy in our grp and I noticed his hands were quite heavy, like when he leaned or would jokingly slap my arm, it hurt.
As time passed I noticed he was starting to get real aggressive with Milly, I didn't think much, but would sometimes tell him off. You're probably thinking, what does this have to do with leaving your class? He makes a big part in this story.
One day me and my 3 other friends went outside, leaving Milly with him in class. When we came back Milly was crying alone and angry, we asked what happend but no one said anything. He tried to comfort Milly, but she was so angry at him, she yelled at him. I told him to give her some space but he yelled at me instead. Eventually class was over and ex-friend had plans to go out with a friend group, the 4 of us left him without saying anything because we knew he had plans but the next day he left our group chat and when we went to school, sat with someone else, didn't talk to us, and ultimately left our group without an explanation. I had asked my friend Aria to talk to him to see if he was mad at us or something, he said he wasn't mad at Aria, but that was it. So was he mad at me? or Milly? I was gonna apologize, but Aria stopped me and said he was just using me anyway.
Ex-friend seemed to have made a lot of friends but I gradually noticed how he was sometimes aggressive with them too, and for some reason his attitude completely flipped, like the guy just developed anger issues. It was when Izzy let me know that everyone complained about him and for some reason his own new friend group badmouthed him to my face, about his attitude, his competitiveness, how he sucked up to the teacher, etc. and mentioned how he completely changed ever since he split up with us.
Since everybody acted like they liked him, I figured he was victimizing himself so no one talked to us and that's when I felt the toxicity of being in our class. Ex-friend would challenge me academically since he was now ranked 2nd in class, which felt like such a betrayal, after everything I did for him, I taught him my ways, my tips, and the life lessons I shared. Other student in particular went far to go sabotage and backstab me, I always payed no mind to it but for my old friend to do that to me?
Aria no longer went to school, it was just Milly and I, and Izzy uses us as her backup friends. Milly told me she hated ex-friend but she still talks to him, Aria was still friends with him even after what he did, and I felt like I was the bad guy. I had no one to talk to anymore, since Milly wasn't very talkative, Aria was busy with her boyfriend and Izzy didn't care. You starting to see the picture? My once beloved home, I now loathed and my once many friends, turned into 1, I became friendless.
If I left that class, I would be free from this toxic environment, but the thing is, would I survive without them? My whole time there I sometimes depended on the people there, even if we weren't close I was able to be the class topper because of them. I procrastinated a lot and only survived this yr because of them.
On the other hand, if I do decide to switch to a higher class, I can make new friends. I'll be able to get the grades that I want to be able to enter my dream university and it'll open up many opportunities for me. On the other hand, would I really be able to survive next yr without my classmates? wouldn't it be easier if I just stuck with the same people? Besides my loneliness, im still grateful for a very few people there.
What should I do?

we've been struggling financially ever since my memory can remember. my dad, for my entire life, does not have a job. my sister keeps her finances to herself (and in her "defense" its because she lent my mom money and it has gotten her into financial difficulty ever since). my brother is currently out of work and doesn't contribute at all at home. my mom has been the sole provider my entire life.
i'm still in college. i was supposed to graduate in 2023, but i transferred schools and one of my grades didn't reach the cut off so i had to retake it. it was a prerequisite for multiple major subjects. in 2022, i was emotionally and mentally disturbed that i failed two classes, one class was a pre requisite to my thesis which would have allowed me to graduate in 2024. i appealed my case, but it only made our department chairperson dislike me and target me. so i had to retake the subject and i'm supposed to graduate in 2025.
well, yesterday, i had a final exam for that thesis prerequisite. i wasn't allowed to retake a missed exam even with a medical certificate and approved excuse letter from our guidance counselor. my quiz 1 grade was 27/100, while my quiz 3 grade was 10/100. my final exam grade will be replaced with my quiz 2 grade. plus, our project will be worth 50 points. we need to get a total of 175 points to pass the course. i asked our instructor to let me take the second quiz, since valid naman yung reason ko (i had an asthma attack on the day of the exam), but he wouldn't let me because it's his class policy. i dont want to raise my appeal even further because he was pretty mad at me the last time i talked to him (in front of other students too).
i told my mom about my predicament. i told her to prepare herself if i have to retake the subject. but i told her even if i had to retake it this summer, my graduation date wouldn't be delayed. then she told me di na niya kaya to spend money on me.
my mom is 64 and still working. she's planning to retire this year.
even if i passed the subject this semester, this was my plan: take my ojt at the office she works for (our home province - i live in a diff city for my studies) and hope i'd be given an opportunity to work there after my ojt. that would mean i'd be taking my thesis at our province (away from my groupmates) while working and helping provide for our household. i had this planned because my mother has been telling me about her financial problems and it's been making me feel like a financial burden.
i'm trying to rationalize how she feels and trying to manage how i react. but right now, everything is so overwhelming. last november, i tried freelancing just so i could help with my dorm bills. on february, i was laid off. i'm the only child in our family to ever work while studying.
i hate how she's making me feel like a financial fucking burden. telling me about her financial problems and how hard providing for me is. i understand her feelings are valid because she's literally the only one providing for all 5 of us. but why is the pressure on me? in the first place, i'm the only person left that should be financed because i'm the youngest. her financial obligations at this point should only be on me. but it isn't because my father and my brother are bums and my sister is selfish.
she tells me "di na ba ako pwede mag open up sayo?" you're literally opening up to the same person na piproblema mo. di mo ba makausap mga kaibigan mo? bakit sakin mo nilalatag? eh putangina din mga kaibigan nya. one time in shs, i met her best friend. tapos sa usapan namin mag-ina, sumasapaw sya. nagbibigay unsolicited advice. as a person na may best friend din na always on my defense, i understood where she was coming from. pero putangina di ako kabarkada, anak ako ng best friend nya. wala syang right sumawsaw.
di ko alam kung ako ba talaga ang problema. i'm trying my best din with my academics. pangit ng circumstances ko ever since the pandemic when i lived with my brother during lockdown dahil na stranded ako sa city and nag away kami physically. tapos nung nakauwi nga ako ng province after that predicament, nag physical altercation din kami ng ate ko. parang downhill lahat simula noon and i've been going in and out of depressive episodes since then. rocky na rocky na mental health ko and naapektohan academics ko. during online classes kahit nag e-exam ako, nag aaway sila sa harap ko o di kaya ako yung inaaway.
tapos this month, na sexually harass ako by a faculty member sa college namin and im processing my complaint while taking my finals and now nag-away kami ng mama ko kasi financial burden. di nya sinasabi directly pero parang yun na nga yung pinapamukha nya sakin.
putanginang buhay na to. gusto ko nang mawala.

Some backstory: I am 29M, We have been together for 6 or so months. my girlfriend (34F) is very sensitive to my previous relationships (closest of which was 3-4 years ago.) and the idea of other women in general being associated with me. She has a diagnoses of BPD and/or PTSD (some confusion there). So basically last night, i suggested my girlfriend take an attachment style quiz i took a while back. As she was taking the quiz, she asked me if I thought about any of my exs during taking this quiz. Now i didn’t remember any of the questions, but i was thinking about a lot of subjects in my life because it was an attachment quiz, so naturally they came up in associations with some of the questions. We had somewhat of a miscommunication about this initially as I thought she was referring the relationship questions, and this caused me the change my responses around because i wasn’t sure what the question was anymore. Either way, it evolves into this big fight where I have broken her heart because of having thought of an ex in any capacity during this quiz. I try to remain calm and answer all her questions, but she does not listen to anything I say, continues putting thoughts and motivations behind my actions despite what I say, is very rude and unproductive with messaging (ex: "FINE, don't ever talk to me again. Fuck it."), the accusations, etc.
I don’t feel like I really did anything wrong. I feel like being reminded of past events during a psychology questionnaire is perfectly normal. There are some trust issues in our relationship, and I do have a habit of “changing my answers” as I am very forgetful and sometimes have to update my responses with new information remembered or received. I can understand how she may feel deceived or mistrusting or insecure. I still don’t think what happened warrants the reaction on her part. Am i being minimizing or emotionally invalidating? From my end, i feel like this whole thing is ridiculous and over blown, but i also understand maybe her feelings are just stronger than my own. Just to add, she talks about what she has been through with her exes quite often. I literally never talk about mine unless she wants to talk about them (which is pretty often), and to be honest they are so far gone behind me and out of mind with no feelings attached, I can't begin to imagine why she is so fixated on these previous relationships that have no bearing on our current one. So i also don’t think it makes sense to be so hurt over a passing association when you yourself are talking about your previous relationships often. Seems like a double standard.
Honestly what am I supposed to do? I don't want to give up on this relationship, but it seems like we are constantly having stupid arguments like this over what appears to be nothing through my eyes. Obviously the experience isn't shared and she is acting from a place of hurt, but this hurt seems to come on and be blamed on me so suddenly and over seemingly normal things, I feel like i'm constantly walking on eggshells preparing for her next meltdown.

I woke up to seagulls this morning, I really like the sound of them. I mean they don’t make pretty sounds, nor is it relaxing, but it feels like a comforting noise I guess? I think because I like being by the sea. I’m not sure. It was nice though. I love living by the sea, like I hear ship horns and seagulls and all of that. It makes me forever paranoid of tsunamis though. I think I’d like to live in a little seaside town with my honey, but I also don’t because then I couldn’t have the garden of my dreams nor would I have the countryside lifestyle I want. I don’t really know what I want. I don’t think I have enough money to be all that picky anyway.
I kind of woke up with that pit in my stomach feeling today. I don’t like how our calls were last night, either one of them. The first I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me and the second it was me being like that to him. I didn’t mean to make it come across that way, but I think he just caught me out when I was mid-deep sleep? I couldn’t wake up or focus and idk. Normally I’m fine to wake up though? And I love his night time calls, to know he’s thinking about me makes me feel so warm inside. It feels weird to think I ever cross his mind when we aren’t in an active conversation, I guess that comes back to the self esteem thing and feeling unworthy of being a thought in his mind, not feeling important enough, or something. But in that second call, I guess I didn’t like that he got me off the phone earlier because he was so sleepy, but then it turned out he was still up and about two hours later? It made me feel like he lied about being tired to get rid of me. I don’t think that was the case, but it’s how it made me feel in the moment. Anyway I woke up feeling uneasy, I felt okay but a little uneasy so I made sure to apologise. I think as well because I fell asleep feeling a little uneasy, it felt like he rushed me off the phone or like I was boring him to death or something. But it made me think about how it’s only 9pm where he is, and that he could quite easily have someone come over around that time. I don’t believe he would do that, but it scares me all the same. The way in which he could crush me into nothing is a little frightening sometimes, it really feels like I’ve just laid out my sad little heart out there for him to stomp all over if he so wishes to do so. I know if he did end things I would be okay, I think, but I can’t say I don’t worry about how it would affect my mental health and “recovery” - how far would it set me back? But also that’s not on him at all, and I’m never ever going to imply as such to him. He ought to make decisions based on what he wants and is best for him. Anyway it’s fine and we talked this morning and nothing has changed for him either, we both still want each other and this so it doesn’t even matter. I still feel bad about how I made him feel. I’m really glad, even though I made him feel bad which I wish I hadn’t, but sometimes it really helps to have him say he still wants this. I know his actions speak louder than words, but sometimes I need the words too. And so him saying “I’m still the same” was really reassuring and made me feel so lovey.
I’ve made a hair appointment, for end of June. I kind of wanted it early June as my hair is annoying the f out of me now, but her first available slot is end of June sooo I guess it still works out well. It gives me five weeks to continue growing out my layers so that we can start afresh. I’m going to get my face framies cut shorter this time as they grow out so quickly. I think otherwise I’ll get very subtle layering, enough to add some movement and help it air dry nicely, but I want the ends as thick as possible too. I’ll get a general root touch up to darken them up a little, and then a tonegloss for the lengths to cool down the warmth a little and darken it up ever so slightly. And then I’ve booked in for a full on olaplex treatment, so that will be nice. I am all about my hair health this year. I always have been but now even more so.
It’s so autumnal today. I really want to watch my favourite cosy romcoms, their autumn scenes are always my most absolute favourite. And winter I suppose. Basically Meg Ryan in autumn is my favourite thing and comforts me to no end.
I think I assume that if I know something then everyone else must know it too, so when they don’t I find it baffling that they don’t know. I guess because I consider myself thicker than a brick and everyone else smarter than I am, so I’d say in the team quiz no one knows the answer I start thinking how do you not know this, but that’s unfair of me and I’m making an assumption based on my low self esteem. But also I am as dumb as a rock so I mean there’s low self esteem and then there’s self awareness. But I just assume that if I know something, then it therefore must be as widely known as 2+2=4.
I’m wearing my Mon Guerlain perfume today, I quite like it, I guess I liked it a fair but considering I seem to have both a bottle of the edp and edt? I think this was during lockdown. Anyway I never wear it but I am today as it’s quite a warm scent, it’s like a warm vanilla but with a touch of lavender? Barely any lavender though, just a teeny tiny little bit. I just googled and that’s exactly what it is so yay me! Except it’s blatantly obvious so perhaps I’ll calm down on the self celebrations. Anyway it’s not one I’d replace but I do like it I suppose. It feels a little mature, not in an older woman way but in a mid-40s way. I read a comment and it said that it gives wife-and-adoring-mother with a wealthy husband, who’s just kissed her children goodnight before sweeping off in her furs to dinner and the opera. It’s classy and elegant, but with something warm and motherly to it and I get that too. Like the mama in Peter Pan! Anyway I’m a little ways off that stage of my life. But it’s a nice wfh scent I suppose. Most of my perfumes are just wfh/chill at home ones now. I wear perfume everyday, I’d say that’s silly but a) Andy tends to too and anything he does that I do makes me feel more assured it’s okay, b) I have a lottttt to get through and c) even if I didn’t have a lottttt to get through I still would because I just like to feel pretty. I may be as ugly as a troll but I will still be presentable enough. Not nicely, but perfume, groomed brows, glowy skin/skincare, my cutie lil diamond studs, brushed hair etc. Except I like a lived in look, I don’t like to look super prim and proper I prefer more bedheady hair and to look like I don’t care an awful lot, but in a nonchalant Kate Moss way not a get wrecked Adam Sandler way. Except I think Adam Sandler is the better of the two - I read he still has a regular-ish house? Then again it was the internet and I’m as gullible as… idk something gullible. That’s what I adore about Andy, he will do his own research and not believe anything outright, he’ll question it and all of that. Whereas I can just be like woowwwww crazy and then move on. There are many ways I’d like to be more like him, I don’t want to be like him but I just want to be better and he’s better so idk. He seems a little paranoid I’ll be like his ex who basically tried to become the tweedle dum to his tweedle dee, but I mean that’s never going to happen? I like to try things he likes, for example snacks and drinks and things. And if he says he enjoys using something and recommends it, ie his mouse, then I take his recommendations seriously. But I’m never going to dress or act like him, I mean I adore him but I don’t want to be a man…? I like being girly and different from him! But I just mean I like how he approaches things, I like how he handles disagreements or thinks about new information - they’re things I want to kind of learn from him. Not in a way where I’d ask because that makes it weirder. Idk. This whole thing is weird. I just admire him. Now I sound like some kinda single white female… which I am… oh god.
Todays been fine overall. I did something new workwise, getting into LOEs for H&S speeding stuff, I had a call with a manager about one of his direct reports this morning and he was like I mean is it that bad and I had to tell a 40 something grown man that it is indeed bad to speed 28km over the speed limit. For any reason. And in a branded vehicle at that. Anyway so then I had to do the letter which was fine but it’s such a confusing template so I suggested some alterations to the Head of and she said they were excellent and she would change the template letter to include my suggestions, so that made me feel good. I enjoy that part of my work, I think I like processes and policies and all of that stuff. Idk why someone with social anxiety thought it would be smart to get into PEOPLE advisory. But like I said, as thick as a brick.
I had such a fun chat with him this evening, he makes me all giggly and silly and I hate myself for saying that. The word giggle is so bleh. I mean it’s a cute word but it feels wrong to say for whatever reason. It’s like when people say “hehe” in texts or whatever, it makes me feel gross even though I don’t even mind it. I think in the right context from the right person it’s fine, but I’ve never experienced that so idk. Now I’m thinking of… something. Something we watched. And the subtitles had it as “heh heh” and I’m thinking sopranos. Anyway newsflash to no one: I love him a hellllllll of a lot.
I wish I didn’t have to go to the office tomorrow. It’s so annoying. I know it’s good for me and also my manager has outright asked me to, so I kind of have to regardless, but also I’ll just focus on the fact it’s good for me to be properly out of the house and stuff. And it has perks I guess, I can have sushi for lunch, peruse the bookshop nearby and I also don’t snack when I’m at the office, I take nuts with me but I don’t eat them because I get all anxy about if people can hear me chewing or if they think I’m some kind of insatiable ogre who can’t wait til lunch or dinner. But so I just have a few bits of sushi for lunch. Although I really want to try this Vietnamese place, they have a salad that looks so bloody good, but I’ve never been and it looks like the kind you line up for like subway and that sends a barrage of anxiety through me so maybe sometime in the future. But I also tend to get more done and idk. It’s good for me. I’ll just keep telling myself that while I hate life two days a week for the foreseeable. It’s not even that bad, it is bad anxiety wise - like yesterday I didn’t go to the bathroom for over an hour from when I needed to pee because of my anxiety, I also didn’t fill up my drink bottle or get another coffee at all for the whole day. So my anxiety is bad, but maybe over time it’ll get better, I’m sure it will, I just have to suck it up in the interim.
I think I’ll stop now because I have 10 mins exactly til 8 and I need to get entirely ready for bed and post this. I needed to blowdry my hair but I spent too long in the shower and now I don’t have time so oh well. Tbh I look like utter shite anyway lately so what’s a bad hair day to go with it? I’ll just put it up. I feel disgustingly ugly lately, I always do but especially lately. Okay now I have 8 minutes night night