How to meet a rich woman if im broke
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2014.01.22 22:06 For those who are safe
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2024.05.15 18:41 MonkeyTwitch Louisiana Succession and Sale of property completed. Other person now is charging us.
First off, there was no will. My sister and I will receive half from our Mom's share. And the adopted son of her husband receives the other half. Neither one of them wanted him to have any part of the inheritance. But without a will, it doesn't matter according to the law. I've had their neighbors and relatives asking how he got involved. But, again, without a will their testimony would be meaningless.
It was a surprise when the lawyer called and said he had come to the office to meet and was offering to help. Ok. That is fine. He had told us that people that normally handle estate stuff get paid $160 an hour but he wasn't going to charge anything, only wanted to help. Sounded great. At one point after the Estate sale was almost finished I asked if there was going to be an Itemized list of things that sold. He said "no." I thought that was odd but didn't challenge it...just wanted to see what came out of it. After the property itself sold and finished closing, he lets us know he'll be sending out our checks but he's decided to charge for 7 of the 12 days it took him to do all the stuff he did, (meeting with plumbers, painters, lawn folks, etc.).
I was appalled but didn't saying anything. I'm waiting for the check to see what he deducted. Legally, I don't think he's allowed to charge us anything because, for one, he said he wouldn't in the beginning. Two, he never asked for our approval. Had he done so we would have gone with an independent firm to do this because of his shady past.
Does anyone have any knowledge about Louisiana Law in regards to this situation? I'm wondering if we need a lawyer or if we can file something with the courts by ourselves. Does he have to provide receipts for everything he's claiming as expenses? How should we deal with this?
We're not getting much money at all. My mom wasn't rich by any means. Not dirt poor either. Nothing fancy, just plain living.
Any help, opinions, information, links would be much appreciated.
submitted by MonkeyTwitch to legaladvice [link] [comments]
It was a surprise when the lawyer called and said he had come to the office to meet and was offering to help. Ok. That is fine. He had told us that people that normally handle estate stuff get paid $160 an hour but he wasn't going to charge anything, only wanted to help. Sounded great. At one point after the Estate sale was almost finished I asked if there was going to be an Itemized list of things that sold. He said "no." I thought that was odd but didn't challenge it...just wanted to see what came out of it. After the property itself sold and finished closing, he lets us know he'll be sending out our checks but he's decided to charge for 7 of the 12 days it took him to do all the stuff he did, (meeting with plumbers, painters, lawn folks, etc.).
I was appalled but didn't saying anything. I'm waiting for the check to see what he deducted. Legally, I don't think he's allowed to charge us anything because, for one, he said he wouldn't in the beginning. Two, he never asked for our approval. Had he done so we would have gone with an independent firm to do this because of his shady past.
Does anyone have any knowledge about Louisiana Law in regards to this situation? I'm wondering if we need a lawyer or if we can file something with the courts by ourselves. Does he have to provide receipts for everything he's claiming as expenses? How should we deal with this?
We're not getting much money at all. My mom wasn't rich by any means. Not dirt poor either. Nothing fancy, just plain living.
Any help, opinions, information, links would be much appreciated.
2024.05.15 18:39 Contactunderground Monterrey Mexico 1994, there a CE-5 contact team attracted a large craft which hovered on a mountainside. A blinding beam of light emanated from the UFO and the silhouettes of beings could be seen moving in front of the beam.
 | Shari Adamiak was a dedicated, disciplined volunteer contact worker who I had the honor to serve with as a fellow CE-5 Working Group Coordinator from 1992 till 1998. I honor her memory by posting her report describing an amazing encounter in Monterrey Mexico in 1994. submitted by Contactunderground to AnomalousEvidence [link] [comments] In the report posted below, a prolonged telepathic exchanges reportedly occurred with two types of non-human beings, very small ones and a larger humanoid being. Joseph Burkes MD 2024 https://preview.redd.it/3n19p6awbm0d1.jpg?width=344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ab154ed65a2403a5660ab1f927065c2b7016ff9 CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FIFTH KIND IN MONTERREY, MEXICO - DECEMBER 1994 By Shari Adamiak ©1995, Executive Director of CSETI Introduction: The following is an account - from my point of view - of events that occurred during a CSETI investigative team activation to Monterrey, Mexico in December of 1994. While necessarily somewhat subjective based on my own experiences, every attempt has been made to present an accurate depiction of events that were experienced by myself and our team. CSETI Reacts to Flap in Mexico: After seeing a tape of a "Hard Copy" program showing an active wave of UFO activity in Monterrey, Mexico - the third largest metropolis in Mexico - we made an effort to contact the researcher who had taken those videos. Santiago Yturria is a thorough researcher and skilled videographer who, along with Diana Perla Chapa, the host of a popular live talk show on Mexican network television, has had a UFO group for over 20 years in the state of Nuevo Leone. Dr. Steven Greer, international director of CSETI, activated a CSETI Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) to Monterrey to investigate this current flap. Santiago, Diana, and the entire Ovni Club of N.L. assisted us, took us to sites, shared their evidence and graciously welcomed us to Monterrey. Dr. Greer, myself, a woman from New York and a man, also a videographer, from Minneapolis made up the CSETI team. (Names furnished upon request.) Consciousness Connections: Lucid dream activity played a significant role in the events that unfolded in Monterrey. Three of the team had dreams that proved to be portents of happenings on this project. I had a dream in the early hours of December 13th. In it, the extraterrestrials were showing us the spot where we should come in order to have a meeting with them. They showed me aerial views, in stop motion - each one closer to the ground - and marked the site with a strobing turquoise laser pattern. They showed me a view from the ground, looking up at some steep peaks, and showed it to me both in day and nighttime views. The night view revealed two stars in a particular configuration over one of the peaks. That very afternoon, Santiago and his friends drove us to Las Mitres mountains, well known as an area of many sightings of UFOs. As we approached, it dawned on me that it was identical to what I was shown in my dream. We decided to use the spot as our field research site that night. When we came to Las Mitres (so named because the mountain peaks resemble a bishop's miter hat) that night, the two stars were indeed in the sky in the same position as I had seen in my lucid dream. The Team Gets to Work: The CSETI team had observed some anomalous objects in the sky at two different sites on the nights of December 11th and 12th, but the next two nights, the 13th and 14th at the Las Mitres sites, proved to be exceptional. The Las Mitres mountains contain a large cave where the local investigators believe that spacecraft conceal themselves when coming to the Monterrey area. And, unusually dense low clouds were known to form over the cave and other parts of the peaks very quickly. On the night of December 13th, the entire CSETI team set up camp at the base of Las Mitres. We were joined by an American woman who was a friend of one of our teammates, who was married to a Mexican man and living in Monterrey. She had arranged our lodging and transportation for us. Around 10:30 pm, following our first Coherent Thought Sequencing (a CSETI protocol) session, we observed a very bright light that appeared in the zenith of the sky, traveling rapidly in an upward arc that terminated in the center of the constellation Orion. At 10:45 pm, very dense clouds materialized within a minute on parts of the sheer mountain cliffs. The Close Encounters Begin: At approximately 1:00 am, Dr. Greer and another team member were standing slightly down the gravel road when they observed a bright, strobe-like white light to appear at the edge of the mountain. At about the same time, I had gotten up and walked closer towards the brush at the base of the mountain. Dr. Greer looked for me to tell me of the strobe light and found me at the spot where it had appeared. As we stood there, another round light came rolling down the side of the steep slope. Just then, I felt some invisible energy that felt as if it were gently pulling me in deeper to the brush. Both Dr. Greer and I felt there was a presence nearby that, from past experience, led us to feel there was a spacecraft and extraterrestrial beings very nearby. Just then, I began to perceive small, square-shouldered beings in the brush around us. They could be sensed and dimly seen, but a clear view of them wasn't possible. The little beings were extremely shy and reticent. They would scurry close to us, then backtrack quickly into the brush. We could not hear any brush moving or footsteps but we could dimly see them. To me, they seemed to have on uniforms that covered their body and legs that were a dull orange-rust color. They were very short, just up to my knees (I am 5'7"). I became aware of a telepathic message - they were concerned about our video camera, behind me to the right. I turned my head and looked. Sure enough, unknown to me previously as I had not seen it in the dark, was our teammate's professional camera set up on a tripod. I send back the mental message to them not to worry, the camera wasn't on and we wouldn't let him touch it. They seemed to trust my assurance, as the event continued to unfold. I related this two-way communication to Dr. Greer, who went back to the other three people and instructed them to stay where they were unless he called them forward. These rich, rare exchanges with what appear to be extraterrestrial life forms are very delicate scenarios. Any sudden, rash or extreme emotion or movement can thwart the entire event and bring it to a screeching halt, and the extraterrestrials vanish. Sometimes our second-guessing of what is needed to allow an event to unfold in all its possible fullness is accurate; sometimes it is not. It is almost like hesitant dance partners, longing but afraid to get closer. Until we as a people are more accepting of close contact with extraterrestrials, our interactions are likely to continue in this way. I could mentally 'hear' concerned conversation going on amongst the small beings. They eventually conveyed to me the message, again mentally, that they were having difficulty adjusting our energies in preparation for a meeting because my physical energy was concentrated on my stomach, trying to digest some food. Just before all this began, I had eaten about a half of a Power Bar, a dense protein energy food. It was cold and hard from being in my gear bag for hours and I could feel it kind of just laying in my stomach. At this point, I sent a very deliberate message to the life forms: "I give you permission to take it out of my body". Suddenly, I felt as if someone were standing some distance away with a fishing line whose hook was inside my stomach. It felt as if someone were slowing reeling in the line as the food came back out the way it went in. Now, I detest vomiting more than almost anything and I was struck by the gentleness that was used in removing this food from my body. It was only mildly unpleasant. Dr. Greer, an emergency physician, asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine and that this was being done with my permission. After this little purging, the energy felt softer, with less intense vibration. Soon the little beings sent both Dr. Greer and I the message that if we removed our glasses, we would be able to see them better. Although I normally use contact lenses, glasses are preferable for field work when wind and dust often get blown into my eyes, plus the fact that we are often in the field until the wee hours of the morning. After receiving this message, we each removed our glasses. One last request from the little ETs - that we remove our hats (it had been a chilly night.) At this point, I could actually feel a harmonious flow of energy between us, the little beings, and some other unseen source. Another Being is Perceived: At this point, the small life forms disappeared. Shafts of golden light began to come from an unknown, unseen source and lay across the bushes in front of us. We learned later that the three other team members behind us could see this as well, although they had not been able to perceive the small beings. I could feel one of these shafts of light approach me and fill my torso with a warm, golden glow. After the light rays faded, a large oval of bluish fog began to form about ten feet in front of us. As the blue mist began to coalesce, Dr. Greer and I became aware of a being within it. Although again we could see him only dimly, he appeared very humanoid, tall, with long and straight silverish hair. He appeared to be clothed in a light blue and silver uniform. We learned later that one team member saw a tendril of the blue fog travel along the ground towards her. It frightened her a little until the mist reached her foot and began to send wisps around her feet. She later told us that there was a gentle kindness about the fog and all misgivings vanished. However, our American friend who was not an actual team member became very frightened by the golden light and blue fog. We learned later that it was all too much for her - something the extraterrestrial would tell us. For as we stood there facing one another, the tall being sent us a message that they would very much like to manifest more fully in the physical to meet with us, but that if they did so, one of our team members would be dangerously frightened. Their caution and concern were touching. And a far cry from the crying wolf that goes on so often when extraterrestrials are said to be heartless, devoid of feeling, and out to harm human beings. We in CSETI feel that this type of encounter points up the absolute need and appropriateness of doing real-time field work in our efforts to learn exactly what these beings are all about. It is important, and interesting, to note that both Dr. Greer and myself received nearly identical mental messages each time there was a communication from the extraterrestrial. Dr. Greer and I consulted one another and decided to send a joint message. We told the tall being that if they could not come to us, it was okay with us if they could take us to where they were. We could sense this was being discussed with a 'central command control', or his more senior team members. Dr. Greer and I saw a copper-gold sphere, ten to twelve feet in diameter, begin to coalesce to the left of the tall being. It never reached material solidity but soon began to disperse. The tall being then sent us a message that it would frighten our teammates just as much to see us disappear in front of their eyes as it would for the ETs to manifest right there. At this time, we had no idea that any member of our team was having difficulty coping with these events. Soon Again, Soon Again: Finally, after what seemed like a few moments, the tall being sent us a message that they would not be able to manifest fully in the physical this night. But they sent a message: "soon again; soon again". At this point, Dr. Greer went back to speak with the other team members and I stayed put. For the next five minutes, the being and I exchanged blessings to each other, to our teams. It was poignant and lovely. I cannot recall any of the actual 'words' or specific communications; it was not a left-brained exchange, but was beyond the bounds of linear thought. Their Reluctance is Proven Out: When I joined the others, I learned that our American friend had become extremely frightened, so much so that she had taken refuge in our vehicle. We had designated the big Suburban as the 'safe area". We do this on all our field research - setting aside a specific enclosure that any team member can go to if unfolding events prove fearful to them. In fact, it is our policy to send a 'buddy' along, who remains with them the entire time they wish to stay in the safe area. We divide into buddies at the beginning of our field session so that each team member is accounted for, and accountable, at all times. She told us that if she had seen anything more from the ETs, she would have run screaming down the mountainside. Preparation is Key: Her reactions impressed upon us the importance of training for each team member. It served as a strong reminder to us to be more stringent in adherence to our policies regarding untrained guests who wanted to join our field work. Much to my surprise, Dr. Greer and I learned from our teammates that we had been standing there, exchanging communication with the extraterrestrials, for nearly two hours. We both thought no more than thirty minutes had elapsed. By this time, it was nearly 3:00 am, so we broke camp and went home. The Encounters Continue: The following day was a busy one with an appearance on Diana Chapa's live TV show in the morning, a field trip to another site in the afternoon, and a talk at the Ovni Club that evening. It was about 11:30 pm by the time we were driving up the narrow road to our Las Mitres site. Interestingly, our videographer teammate was absent from field work. He had decided to stay in the city to visit his friend and her son. As the Suburban headed up the gravel lane, Dr. Greer and I simultaneously observed a small, bright light on the side of Las Mitres. We knew from the previous night that there was no light normally in that area. Tonight we also had with us our American friend's Mexican husband. He and our driver assured us there were no houses, no power lines, no roads, nothing on the sheer cliffs of Las Mitres. As we came to the base of the mountain, Dr. Greer jumped from the Suburban while it was still rolling. The other woman and I jumped out and grabbed the bare necessities of field gear: a 500,000-candle power portable halogen light, our night vision scope, binoculars, a small camcorder, and a hand-held micro-cassette recorder. Because of the reaction by an untrained participant the previous night, we sent our driver and his friend down the road. We told them we could not afford any panic this night. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the men went to a spot at the bottom of the road where they could clearly see the events that unfolded. Are We in a Spielberg Movie?: Dr. Greer grabbed the halogen light and sent a signal to the star-like light on the hillside. Instantly, the light transformed into a gigantic, brilliant round beam that shot light down the entire mountainside! We were astonished. It came close to being the time we always joke about - when events are so incredible that we'll wish we had on "Depends" undergarments! We continued to have a Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind - a human-initiated or human-interactive experience - with this craft for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. An exchange like this, with a team in the field, is unprecedented. During the lengthy encounter, we sent light signals to the craft. The craft would signal back to us in the exact same sequence. Then its lights would extinguish. Within a few minutes, it would again illuminate and initiate a signal to us. This went on and on. Twice during this time period, we saw the shadows of beings walking in front of the blinding beam. At times, the beam would rotate upon itself, appearing to the left of its original position - then back where it was. Once the light seemed to turn over on itself, illuminating the sparsely forested slope behind it. This was one of the times when figures were seen to move in the beam. Hoaxability Ration - Low to Zero: It must be emphasized that this is a very remote area devoid of roads. For anyone to have hoaxed this event would have required something on the scale of a major motion picture crew. There was simply no way to have moved equipment like this onto these sheer slopes. It would have caused quite a commotion in the suburbs below if a crew of that magnitude had traversed those sheer cliffs that day. The area would have been swarming with lookie-loos. At the end of the two hours and fifteen minutes, the light, which by now had split into two candle-flame colored round lights, turned to brilliant red, shot out a lightning bolt of energy and vanished. We saw a golden streak shoot through the sky towards the direction of the ancient volcano, Topochico. And the energy was gone. It was not until this point that we fully appreciated that
As a side note, I want to report that when we first got out of the vehicle at the base of the mountain, I heard crickets chirping in stereophonic synchronicity. One would chirp on our right, then one would chirp on our left. The chirping was loud and distinct. When I heard it, I told my teammates that it was significant. I had heard similar chirping prior to another major encounter in the past. It was moments later that the gigantic craft illuminated before us. Eventful Trip Home: We signaled to our drivers to bring up the Suburban. When they arrived, we learned that the men had gone to a vantage point and had seen everything, giving us two independent witnesses. In fact, from their extra distance the light was not so blinding and they were able to discern the craft. They both reported seeing a very large disc-shaped craft with a domed top. The men were extremely excited. They said they felt bonded now, like brothers. The American's husband said that his life would never be the same again. As we were riding on our 30-minute drive home, Dr. Greer remarked that he felt the ETs would follow us. Within a minute, the man in front was exclaiming, "la luz, la luz!" (the light, the light!) We could then see that the gigantic light was visible from the road, showing itself to us on the opposite side of the mountain from where it had been at our field site! We stopped at a closed gas station, signaled and videoed (which came out fuzzy and blurred). You will recall that, of all nights, our videographer was not with us this night. Coincidence or orchestrated by the ETs? So many such things happen that we have to ponder the possibility. This time, the light was not appearing as two lights side by side. Instead, they were two lights stacked one on top the other. We continued to observe it on the remainder of the homeward ride, stopping twice more to observe. When we arrived home, we climbed up to our flat roof. We could still see it, even though the entire valley of the city of Monterrey was now between us, the back side of Las Mitres and the rest of the range. The lights were still there. They had changed position again and were now staggered, one atop the other. They had been so bright that we could see the rock face behind it illuminated. As we watched, the lights dimmed down to about half their luminosity. The Craft Revealed: At this point, we could clearly see the structure of the craft. It was indeed a large disc with a sloped dome on top. By measuring with fingers at arm's length, Dr. Greer determined that the craft was between one-half to one full city block in size. As the birds began to sing and the sky began to lighten, we bid goodbye and heartfelt thanks to our visitors for these remarkable experiences and went inside to sleep, and dream of them. Shari Adamiak, Executive Director, CSETI ________________________ Final Notes: I wish to advise that the three persons who interacted with the craft as described above included three very responsible and stable individuals. Dr. Greer is a practicing trauma physician, father of four, world-renowned expert on extraterrestrial intelligence. He is the founder of CSETI, and the visionary and guiding force of it. Our teammate from New York is cofounder of a research foundation and is personal friends with world leaders in both the political and private sectors. And I myself have been educated in the sciences and the law and worked for many years as a paralegal, which gives me a logical mind upon which to base my ongoing extraterrestrial experiences. - Shari Adamiak I describe how I first met Shari in 1992. It was an experience that I will never forget: https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/03/05/i-meet-shari-adamiak-the-first-ce-5-working-group-coordinato |
2024.05.15 18:33 thesecondwhy I (28F) have a boyfriend (25M) of 4.5 years but realized sexual feelings for someone I just met (34M) that I never have to see again. What's going on and what do I do?
BACKGROUND INFO: My BF and I have been together monogamously for 4.5 years - I have never slept or been with anyone else, though I've fooled around - and we have been struggling with arguments & aggression. We have sex like once a month, if that. We broke up this past summer but kept texting back and forth, and this past fall regrouped and tried to be in a relationship again. My BF is the best person I've ever met and I love him very much, but we didn't accomplish our goals when getting back together and the fighting became worse. We may separate again.
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
submitted by thesecondwhy to relationships [link] [comments]
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
2024.05.15 18:29 thesecondwhy I (28F) have a boyfriend (25M) of 4.5 years but realized sexual feelings for someone I just met (34M) that I never have to see again. What's going on and what do I do?
BACKGROUND INFO: My BF and I have been together monogamously for 4.5 years - I have never slept or been with anyone else, though I've fooled around - and we have been struggling with arguments & aggression. We have sex like once a month, if that. We broke up this past summer but kept texting back and forth, and this past fall regrouped and tried to be in a relationship again. My BF is the best person I've ever met and I love him very much, but we didn't accomplish our goals when getting back together and the fighting became worse. We may separate again.
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
submitted by thesecondwhy to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
2024.05.15 18:23 DJadzia How I met my sapphic submissive
Hey gals!
I wanted to share my success story with you. There are so many posts in saphic subreddits out there with gals losing hope around finding a partner. In the kink space, it's harder. But it's possible! It takes a bit of extroversion and effort, but IMO well worth it.
I'm a Domme. I've been kink my entire adult life. I'm also a trans girl. I didn't transition until mid-adulthood due to not knowing anything about gender dysphoria. But that's not really the story. I just want to give hope to trans girls out there as much hope as cis girls. My fiancee/submissive/pet/little is a cis girl.
I went through the hardest breakup of my life with my former partner. We had been together 8 years and she left me for another woman 6 months before our wedding. I was destroyed. I moved home to where I live now and decided I was going to change everything about myself to not feel that kind of pain again. I wanted to switch. I wanted to bottom. I wanted to just date and not fall in love again.
Fast forward about a year after my toxic breakup and I'm now living in my new city. I decided to go to a FemDom munch to give this whole sub thing a shot. Like in most cities, there are not sapphic kink groups where I live but there are PLENTY of kink groups with bisexual women. I wasn't sure I wanted an LTR but I WAS sure that any relationship I wanted to be in had to have some kink and possibly a kink dynamic.
I dressed in a super cute dress, wore a big pink collar, and ventured out into the world. The munch was held at a gay bar and I was one of the first ones there. As the folks began to fill in, there were 1 or 2 sapphic couples there out of about 20-30 people. That gave me hope that I might meet someone to connect with.
Eventually, this bombshell of a woman walks in. She dressed very straight and very vanilla - but as a sapphic friend once said - "Why do you assume everyone is straight? You'll never shoot your shot if you do!" I mean....we were in a gay bar after all! She was looking for a seat and all of the chairs at our table was taken. I stood up, grabbed her a chair and offered it to her. She replied with, "Thank you! Where are you sitting?" and had me put the chair next to me.
At this point, I had no idea what her deal was. Straight girl? Domme? Sub? Vanilla? Wrong internet meet up?
I complimented her beautiful Kate Spade purse and we sat and talked about fashion for the next 30 minutes. Eventually, she offered to buy me a drink. I politely declined thinking it was a friendly offer. Plus I had a stomach ulcer at the time so I wasn't going to make that worse by drinking alcohol.
When she came back to the table, we sat and talked for another hour before I had to go to a friends party at another bar in the same neighborhood. We traded fetlife accounts and I left thinking, "Damn, that girl was awesome! Too bad she's probably straight."
When I got home that night, I added her on FetLife and saw her sexuality listed....a Bisexual submissive! Before I was able to shoot her a message, she shot me one telling me how much fun she had talking to me and how she hopes to see me at more events.
I shot my shot ladies. I asked her out to dinner.
Fast forward a week and we're at a lovely little Mexican resataraunt by the beach. Now that I knew she was a submissive, my Domme side awakened. I skipped the cutsie dress and collar and instead wore a gorgeous, form fitting body-con dress with stilleto black PVC heels. I channeled my black cat lesbian. I curled my hair and did my makeup. I'm still not sure this is a date, and neither is she - but I'm hoping it is!
We talked for 3 hours and sipped on margaritas. We talked about everything. Work. Kink. Politics. You name it! As I walked her to her car in my stilletos struggled with the gravel parking lot but she was impressed I was able to handle it gracefully. She moved in closer to me by her car and we both asked as the same time for a goodnight kiss. I guess this WAS a date! That kiss...floored me.
Our second date was very different. We met up at a Spanish tapas place, again by the beach, and talked kink all night. Despite her looking like a preppy straight girl (I'm more of a big tiddy gothy queer girl), her kinks aligned with mine in every way. We negotiated our first play date. The chemistry was undeniable.
I won't go into the NSFW stuff but only to say that after 23 years in kink, I've never connected with someone is such a profound way.
It's now a few weeks past our 2 year anniversary. We're getting married. We have 3 playrooms in our house. Kink is part of our day to day language but the love and support is beyond great. We're getting officially married in October.
It can happen! Despite being queer. Despite being kinky. Despite gender stuff.
Your partner is out there.
Short version of how I found my person:
submitted by DJadzia to BDSMsapphic [link] [comments]
I wanted to share my success story with you. There are so many posts in saphic subreddits out there with gals losing hope around finding a partner. In the kink space, it's harder. But it's possible! It takes a bit of extroversion and effort, but IMO well worth it.
I'm a Domme. I've been kink my entire adult life. I'm also a trans girl. I didn't transition until mid-adulthood due to not knowing anything about gender dysphoria. But that's not really the story. I just want to give hope to trans girls out there as much hope as cis girls. My fiancee/submissive/pet/little is a cis girl.
I went through the hardest breakup of my life with my former partner. We had been together 8 years and she left me for another woman 6 months before our wedding. I was destroyed. I moved home to where I live now and decided I was going to change everything about myself to not feel that kind of pain again. I wanted to switch. I wanted to bottom. I wanted to just date and not fall in love again.
Fast forward about a year after my toxic breakup and I'm now living in my new city. I decided to go to a FemDom munch to give this whole sub thing a shot. Like in most cities, there are not sapphic kink groups where I live but there are PLENTY of kink groups with bisexual women. I wasn't sure I wanted an LTR but I WAS sure that any relationship I wanted to be in had to have some kink and possibly a kink dynamic.
I dressed in a super cute dress, wore a big pink collar, and ventured out into the world. The munch was held at a gay bar and I was one of the first ones there. As the folks began to fill in, there were 1 or 2 sapphic couples there out of about 20-30 people. That gave me hope that I might meet someone to connect with.
Eventually, this bombshell of a woman walks in. She dressed very straight and very vanilla - but as a sapphic friend once said - "Why do you assume everyone is straight? You'll never shoot your shot if you do!" I mean....we were in a gay bar after all! She was looking for a seat and all of the chairs at our table was taken. I stood up, grabbed her a chair and offered it to her. She replied with, "Thank you! Where are you sitting?" and had me put the chair next to me.
At this point, I had no idea what her deal was. Straight girl? Domme? Sub? Vanilla? Wrong internet meet up?
I complimented her beautiful Kate Spade purse and we sat and talked about fashion for the next 30 minutes. Eventually, she offered to buy me a drink. I politely declined thinking it was a friendly offer. Plus I had a stomach ulcer at the time so I wasn't going to make that worse by drinking alcohol.
When she came back to the table, we sat and talked for another hour before I had to go to a friends party at another bar in the same neighborhood. We traded fetlife accounts and I left thinking, "Damn, that girl was awesome! Too bad she's probably straight."
When I got home that night, I added her on FetLife and saw her sexuality listed....a Bisexual submissive! Before I was able to shoot her a message, she shot me one telling me how much fun she had talking to me and how she hopes to see me at more events.
I shot my shot ladies. I asked her out to dinner.
Fast forward a week and we're at a lovely little Mexican resataraunt by the beach. Now that I knew she was a submissive, my Domme side awakened. I skipped the cutsie dress and collar and instead wore a gorgeous, form fitting body-con dress with stilleto black PVC heels. I channeled my black cat lesbian. I curled my hair and did my makeup. I'm still not sure this is a date, and neither is she - but I'm hoping it is!
We talked for 3 hours and sipped on margaritas. We talked about everything. Work. Kink. Politics. You name it! As I walked her to her car in my stilletos struggled with the gravel parking lot but she was impressed I was able to handle it gracefully. She moved in closer to me by her car and we both asked as the same time for a goodnight kiss. I guess this WAS a date! That kiss...floored me.
Our second date was very different. We met up at a Spanish tapas place, again by the beach, and talked kink all night. Despite her looking like a preppy straight girl (I'm more of a big tiddy gothy queer girl), her kinks aligned with mine in every way. We negotiated our first play date. The chemistry was undeniable.
I won't go into the NSFW stuff but only to say that after 23 years in kink, I've never connected with someone is such a profound way.
It's now a few weeks past our 2 year anniversary. We're getting married. We have 3 playrooms in our house. Kink is part of our day to day language but the love and support is beyond great. We're getting officially married in October.
It can happen! Despite being queer. Despite being kinky. Despite gender stuff.
Your partner is out there.
Short version of how I found my person:
- I skipped the Apps like HER and Tinder because they all suck.
- I got on FetLife and found a local munch with my interests (Dominant women).
- I went to a munch and met a girl.
- We got to know each other and fell in love.
2024.05.15 18:20 Kenaz-GmbH Personalized Content and Ethics: What Works and What Cringes
Hi there!
I'd like to discuss the topic of personalized advertising and how consumers perceive it. Personalized ads are currently the hot topic, with everyone emphasizing their importance. But in which cases does it work, and when does it backfire? Let's separate the hype from the "hold my beer, I'm about to unsubscribe" reality.
From our focus group, we gathered insightful feedback on what annoys and delights consumers in personalized advertising:
What Annoys Consumers
Irrelevant Ads: Irrelevant ads can frustrate and feel intrusive.
Valuable and Informative Content: Providing useful, educational content can demonstrate that you care about helping the user, not just selling to them.
What are your thoughts on personalized advertising? What aspects do you find irritating, and which ones do you appreciate? Share your ideas—we're eager to hear from the pros!
submitted by Kenaz-GmbH to DigitalMarketing [link] [comments]
I'd like to discuss the topic of personalized advertising and how consumers perceive it. Personalized ads are currently the hot topic, with everyone emphasizing their importance. But in which cases does it work, and when does it backfire? Let's separate the hype from the "hold my beer, I'm about to unsubscribe" reality.
From our focus group, we gathered insightful feedback on what annoys and delights consumers in personalized advertising:
What Annoys Consumers
Irrelevant Ads: Irrelevant ads can frustrate and feel intrusive.
- "I get love novels recommended on Facebook, which I’ve never searched for and definitely won't read."
- "I bought lingerie on Amazon, and now my screen is flooded with underwear ads, some quite explicit. It's uncomfortable, especially when sharing screen during company meetings."
- "I looked at one skirt on Instagram, and now every ad is about skirts from different stores. It’s overwhelming. Apparently, one skirt means I want to revamp my entire wardrobe."
- "Ads for anti-aging serums, pension plans, and arthritis ointments started showing up after I turned 40. Feels like they’re rubbing my age in my face. They could just say, "Happy Birthday!"
- "Seeing the same products repeatedly is boring. Offer something new once in a while!"
- "I hate ads in general, so I use ad blockers and pay for ad-free services wherever possible."
Valuable and Informative Content: Providing useful, educational content can demonstrate that you care about helping the user, not just selling to them.
- "I was looking for hair loss treatments and got an email with research, explanations, tests, and recommendations. It felt genuinely helpful."
- "If Instagram shows me products similar to what I’ve been searching for, I’m all for it."
- "I love getting personalized offers from grocery stores based on my shopping history. It makes me feel valued as a customer."
- "My gym sends me news on fitness programs, discounts, and loyalty programs. This is useful."
- "Discount emails from my favorite stores are a big draw for me. I also love getting free samples—it keeps me coming back."
- "Recommendations based on what I've previously watched or listened to are great—I often find new favorites this way."
- "Ads don’t bother me when I have money, but they do when I’m broke. Maybe timing them around payday would be better?"
- Starbucks: Using your name on the cup instead of a number. Because nothing feels quite as personal as your name scribbled on something. Toy Story vibe's turned on.
- Spotify Wrapped: Offering a personalized summary of your listening habits. A yearly reminder of just how eclectic your music taste really is.
What are your thoughts on personalized advertising? What aspects do you find irritating, and which ones do you appreciate? Share your ideas—we're eager to hear from the pros!
2024.05.15 18:12 Pale-throwaway how do I (22nb) help my depressed bf (23m)?
my bf (23m) and I (22nb) have been together 4 years this month. we live together and have shared an apartment for almost 2 years, after he offered himself to pay the rent if I helped out with groceries or any bills he needed me to pitch in on, but with the job he had when we were first together it was never an issue. I'm currently in school and have had trouble keeping a steady job because of my schedule and part times typically being pretty atrocious environments. he has always been understanding of this and has never made it a requirement that I need to work, just help out with the apartment.
last year he found out the plant he was working for was closing. he was making $25 an hour and doing great. he would play chess, read, and take me on dates. he has an amazing work ethic as much as I hate capitalist terms like that. every time he's done work for my dad/someone else they remark on how great he is at doing it and how quickly he gets it done even if he's paid hourly.
since he found out he was being layed off it was a struggle. his buddy immediately found a job through an Internet provider where they update people's Internet as independent contractors. he says he loves the job but from an outside perspective it is terrible. the pay is decent, he can make almost $1200 in one week; except, they barely keep him employed. it's always a fight between his bosses to get work and he only finds out last minute, he doesn't even know if it's going to be a day shift job or a night shift job. there have been several days where he found out only 3 hours before (if that) he had to go out to work that night then was told he'd have to go out the next day. there are times where he's forced to switch to night shift and he gets out in the field and suddenly they can't access the work they were specifically assigned, or it was given to another team, or maintenance had to shut it down and they won't get access to it for "a week" (which has sometimes turned into a month of waiting). the job depends on the weather, and things like the Superbowl happening. if it's raining or a certain event is happening he can't work. and it has been raining and storming close to nonstop the past few weeks. and when it finally is perfect weather for him to work in? it goes to maintenance for "updates."
at first he was looking for more jobs in the field he was last in, because he is so good at it and the pay is good. but he gave up because working in that environment is so toxic. I've worked in warehouses, and I understand more than anyone because I was a janitor and literally everyone bullied me. there were times I told my parents I either quit or I will kill myself. at least at his job he was working with his entire friend group, it was just his bosses giving him trouble, and that's what he doesn't want to deal with again: people he's gotta do their job for them bitching at them while they sit on their ass. there are also issues like the particulate/pollution he'd be breathing in, but I literally have respirators I've offered to give him and he refuses because no one else wears them.
he passed up a job opportunity months ago that would've put him back at $25+ an hour. paid for his certifications and he got a raise with each one he got. possibly a company truck. per diems. gas paid for. offered to help with his truck maintenance if he needed to drive his own. hotel rooms paid for when he has to travel. it's literally a job we talked about him wanting and dreaming about so we could travel a little more. and he passed it up. he said he'd rather stick with the job he's in now and pick up a side gig like, qdoba or being a waiter again (his first job was food service). and I said okay, as long as you make it work. since passing up that job he has not applied to food places like he said he would.
previously he talked about wanting to be a peer counselor. he's sober and it means a lot to him to help other people out after he struggled so hard. my dad's friend at work is married to a woman in a facility that does that kind of work. she said to give him her card and call, text, email her and she'd give him work immediately. the card is still sitting on the shelf in our bedroom. every time I ask if he's contacted her he goes "I've been on night shift and tired." i have to walk away every time he does that.
every time I bring up work or try to point out his current job is treating him like shit, he gets upset. it doesn't matter how gentle I am about it. as soon as I bring up work he gets agitated and says things like "it'll work out." or tries to get me to leave him alone or laughs it off or smiles and acts like I'm stupid. I know he's been depressed but recently he told me it's because he's only working with one friend, the rest of them gripe, and he has no time for friends now. he's been getting upset with me because I have friends inviting me out and he can't come with, and I've tried explaining it's rude to be invited on a whim and then ask to bring other people my friends aren't close with, that there will be more opportunities. i literally just started getting invited to things and making friends myself in college so it's been hard, I never got a social life in highschool so I'm only just now figuring it out in a city that's so cliquish and hellish you'd think I'm making it up. but, he tells me find despite also saying he keeps this job so he has more time with me and his friends. but family has also been an issue, there have been major events with his dad (life threatening towards both of us) and that side of the family beginning to shun him for not coming around as much despite them being toxic. his mom's side has also started telling him less about things and inviting him over and I can't really fathom why, but his mom at least is very supportive and loving of him and us both. he knows how the corporate world is so I know that's what's keeping him from looking for work. but I can't believe he passed up the opportunity from a place that actually seemed normal and decent and everything he wanted even if it's an industry he wants to leave; and not only that, a woman offered him immediate work he'd been dreaming about and he passed it up too. i even offered the idea he just gets started at one of these places and gets some money coming in at an actual normal pace and he can figure out what exactly he wants to do, he doesn't have to sell his life away to them. he just waves it off.
he's sold all his guns. we've dropped our grocery bill to $30-50 every two weeks. i have an art degree and our school refuses to help us get jobs and internships so I work jobs like being a barista that I can't even stay longer than 3 months at. I'm hoping this job I just got is more permanent but it's $9 an hour, and I plan on putting my head down to graduate with my thesis review coming up this fall because I've had so many circumstances push it off.
i don't know how to approach the conversation. I don't know how to tell him he is pissing away opportunities that will treat him better when he doesn't believe me. I've cried to my best friends about it, I broke down talking to my mom about it after she demanded to know what's going on with his job search. my parents are putting a lot of pressure on me because they want me to be with someone that can keep their promise to take care of me, like he said he would. he gets so angry when I mention my parents have asked about his job and say they're concerned. I don't want him to have that pressure because he's my boyfriend, not my caretaker, but he's genuinely causing me to be depressed in tandem to him not caring about anything. he at least still helps around the apartment but gets agitated when I come home from class after he hasn't worked in days and insists I should've gone to the store or should do dishes. i think he finally started doing things when I explained how mentally and physically exhausting for the hundredth time my classes have been because i have literally been fighting with professors that have been disrespectful to me left and right and my thesis review is coming up, and I have also literally been doing physical labor for them.
every time he comes home from being sent out just to not have work, or wait for him to be assigned just to be told he doesn't have work for an entire week, I want to cry. i want to put my head in my hands and cry. i want to shake him and ask him how this is better. i genuinely don't know how to approach this anymore.
submitted by Pale-throwaway to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
last year he found out the plant he was working for was closing. he was making $25 an hour and doing great. he would play chess, read, and take me on dates. he has an amazing work ethic as much as I hate capitalist terms like that. every time he's done work for my dad/someone else they remark on how great he is at doing it and how quickly he gets it done even if he's paid hourly.
since he found out he was being layed off it was a struggle. his buddy immediately found a job through an Internet provider where they update people's Internet as independent contractors. he says he loves the job but from an outside perspective it is terrible. the pay is decent, he can make almost $1200 in one week; except, they barely keep him employed. it's always a fight between his bosses to get work and he only finds out last minute, he doesn't even know if it's going to be a day shift job or a night shift job. there have been several days where he found out only 3 hours before (if that) he had to go out to work that night then was told he'd have to go out the next day. there are times where he's forced to switch to night shift and he gets out in the field and suddenly they can't access the work they were specifically assigned, or it was given to another team, or maintenance had to shut it down and they won't get access to it for "a week" (which has sometimes turned into a month of waiting). the job depends on the weather, and things like the Superbowl happening. if it's raining or a certain event is happening he can't work. and it has been raining and storming close to nonstop the past few weeks. and when it finally is perfect weather for him to work in? it goes to maintenance for "updates."
at first he was looking for more jobs in the field he was last in, because he is so good at it and the pay is good. but he gave up because working in that environment is so toxic. I've worked in warehouses, and I understand more than anyone because I was a janitor and literally everyone bullied me. there were times I told my parents I either quit or I will kill myself. at least at his job he was working with his entire friend group, it was just his bosses giving him trouble, and that's what he doesn't want to deal with again: people he's gotta do their job for them bitching at them while they sit on their ass. there are also issues like the particulate/pollution he'd be breathing in, but I literally have respirators I've offered to give him and he refuses because no one else wears them.
he passed up a job opportunity months ago that would've put him back at $25+ an hour. paid for his certifications and he got a raise with each one he got. possibly a company truck. per diems. gas paid for. offered to help with his truck maintenance if he needed to drive his own. hotel rooms paid for when he has to travel. it's literally a job we talked about him wanting and dreaming about so we could travel a little more. and he passed it up. he said he'd rather stick with the job he's in now and pick up a side gig like, qdoba or being a waiter again (his first job was food service). and I said okay, as long as you make it work. since passing up that job he has not applied to food places like he said he would.
previously he talked about wanting to be a peer counselor. he's sober and it means a lot to him to help other people out after he struggled so hard. my dad's friend at work is married to a woman in a facility that does that kind of work. she said to give him her card and call, text, email her and she'd give him work immediately. the card is still sitting on the shelf in our bedroom. every time I ask if he's contacted her he goes "I've been on night shift and tired." i have to walk away every time he does that.
every time I bring up work or try to point out his current job is treating him like shit, he gets upset. it doesn't matter how gentle I am about it. as soon as I bring up work he gets agitated and says things like "it'll work out." or tries to get me to leave him alone or laughs it off or smiles and acts like I'm stupid. I know he's been depressed but recently he told me it's because he's only working with one friend, the rest of them gripe, and he has no time for friends now. he's been getting upset with me because I have friends inviting me out and he can't come with, and I've tried explaining it's rude to be invited on a whim and then ask to bring other people my friends aren't close with, that there will be more opportunities. i literally just started getting invited to things and making friends myself in college so it's been hard, I never got a social life in highschool so I'm only just now figuring it out in a city that's so cliquish and hellish you'd think I'm making it up. but, he tells me find despite also saying he keeps this job so he has more time with me and his friends. but family has also been an issue, there have been major events with his dad (life threatening towards both of us) and that side of the family beginning to shun him for not coming around as much despite them being toxic. his mom's side has also started telling him less about things and inviting him over and I can't really fathom why, but his mom at least is very supportive and loving of him and us both. he knows how the corporate world is so I know that's what's keeping him from looking for work. but I can't believe he passed up the opportunity from a place that actually seemed normal and decent and everything he wanted even if it's an industry he wants to leave; and not only that, a woman offered him immediate work he'd been dreaming about and he passed it up too. i even offered the idea he just gets started at one of these places and gets some money coming in at an actual normal pace and he can figure out what exactly he wants to do, he doesn't have to sell his life away to them. he just waves it off.
he's sold all his guns. we've dropped our grocery bill to $30-50 every two weeks. i have an art degree and our school refuses to help us get jobs and internships so I work jobs like being a barista that I can't even stay longer than 3 months at. I'm hoping this job I just got is more permanent but it's $9 an hour, and I plan on putting my head down to graduate with my thesis review coming up this fall because I've had so many circumstances push it off.
i don't know how to approach the conversation. I don't know how to tell him he is pissing away opportunities that will treat him better when he doesn't believe me. I've cried to my best friends about it, I broke down talking to my mom about it after she demanded to know what's going on with his job search. my parents are putting a lot of pressure on me because they want me to be with someone that can keep their promise to take care of me, like he said he would. he gets so angry when I mention my parents have asked about his job and say they're concerned. I don't want him to have that pressure because he's my boyfriend, not my caretaker, but he's genuinely causing me to be depressed in tandem to him not caring about anything. he at least still helps around the apartment but gets agitated when I come home from class after he hasn't worked in days and insists I should've gone to the store or should do dishes. i think he finally started doing things when I explained how mentally and physically exhausting for the hundredth time my classes have been because i have literally been fighting with professors that have been disrespectful to me left and right and my thesis review is coming up, and I have also literally been doing physical labor for them.
every time he comes home from being sent out just to not have work, or wait for him to be assigned just to be told he doesn't have work for an entire week, I want to cry. i want to put my head in my hands and cry. i want to shake him and ask him how this is better. i genuinely don't know how to approach this anymore.
2024.05.15 18:12 ThrowRAsugarr I (23F) am extremely insecure and I fear I'm going to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend (25M). How do I become less insecure and gain confidence in our relationship?
I (23F) have been dating 25M for 9 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex and his ex-FWB, and even random girls.
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. I used to frequently view his ex and ex-FWBs’ social media, basically just to compare myself to them, now I do it less and less to try to intentionally stop doing it, like the scale down method as you do with obsessions. Regardless, the stuff that I found still comes to bother my sometimes randomly in my head.
For example he has liked his ex-FWB posts on IG, not even recently, but whilst we were dating. All lightly dressed - bikinis, very small crop tops, etc - posted last summer (when we had been dating for 2-4 months) he had liked. Even back in October last year he liked a picture of her that was very provocative, her with an angle from above, tongue out, angle tilting down into her tanktop with her nipple piercings fully visible through her shirt. We had dated for 5 months at that point. The fact that he was liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable, although he hasn’t liked any of the most recent pictures she has posted - I question if it’s because of the weather being colder and her putting on more, and I worry over just the hypothetical of him starting to like them again in the summer when she whips out the bikinis and minimal clothing.
I also looked at his ex's IG profile, who is on a completely other level, no provocative pictures, but very beautiful and very clever, she is getting a double PHD and winning multiple awards, and starting her own business and doing tons of charity work. It’s just this perfect person and then he moved on to….me….
Recently I’ve also come to the realization that in the group chat with his friends my boyfriend added me to, you can look back at messages from before you were a part of it. Not sure my boyfriend knows about this detail, since he's always been in it. Regardless, I've scrolled far back to see a lot of messages about his ex-FWB and his ex girlfriend there as well, that just contribute to my anxiety. It’s important to note that this was from before him and I were dating. So, it shouldn’t matter, but it’s destroying what’s left of my confidence seeing what he’s said. I know I am the problem.
I saw some messages about his ex-FWB, from my boyfriend bragging to the all-boys group chat about how his ex-FWB sent him nudes, sharing them with them (she had given him consent to do so) when she first started expressing interest before they got involved, saying how hot she was and that it was rare to find a girl as kinky as her. I know they did multiple things together in the bedroom, and it bothers me enormously knowing exactly what they did and even seeing some pictures of it that he took while they were having sex, and sharing them in the gc (again, with permission, he's not an asshole). We are into some BDSM stuff, and I know from comparison that he used the same equipment on me that he did to her, which just makes me feel dirty and terrible.
Every time we do something intimate of that nature I can't help but wonder if he's thinking about her, or if he is thinking that she was better in bed, was more attractive, was more confident and more seductive, etc... Given she has an extremely large sexual history and my boyfriend only just took my virginity, I just can't help but assume those things are true. I am way more timid in bed because of my insecurities, and it feels like he wishes I was more like her, he tries to guide me into being more of a dirty-talker but these thoughts stop me.
I also saw this message: “I asked *ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck again but she’s ignoring me lol” coming from after 8 days of us meeting, after he sent a “Met a really cute girl today, I think she likes me” etc. message about me, and 8 days before we became girlfriend/boyfriend. This hurts me because well, we knew each other at that point, I would even say we had had our first date at that point, and he had previously, before I saw these messages, told me that having sex with her that one time just made him sure that sex as just a means to get off wasn’t for him, that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him in the first place, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again?
These past messages include him also gushing about his ex, at the time they were dating but also a while afterwards. Saying how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is, intelligent, and that she can converse with pretty much anyone and find a topic. He is much the same. That made me extremely insecure, because I am the complete opposite of that. I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous.
Even talking to his family I struggle with because I am so shy, I am constantly wondering in my head if he wishes I was more like her, his family does, or just that I was her in general. This was also brought on from early suspicions I've had about him not being over her, because some things he's said, that's then made my anxiety spiral even worse (while we were dating in the beginning he'd go on rants about what went wrong in their relationship, how he could've fixed it, he at one point told me that she was the "right person, wrong time" which he has since reassured me about not meaning, but still, etc).
I looked at all those previous group chat messages out of curiosity at first not wanting or even thinking about finding anything about his exes to make me insecure, now it's become a weird obsession where I have saved screenshots of the stuff that he's said about these women in a folder on my phone, and I visit that folder a bit more frequent than I'd like to admit. I don't know why I do it, it's like I want to hurt my feelings and make me feel insecure. There's also positive stuff in there that I've seen and saved to my folder as well, about me, how beautiful I am and supportive of him, but it just gets a bit overshadowed.
I also get jealous of girls we see when out and about. He’s told me he’s very attracted to girls with pale skin, blue eyes and dark hair - which I have, but every time him and I are out and we spot another girl with those features - worst of all if I think of her to be more attractive than me - I get so down, I can shut down and go all mopey and even though I try to pretend I am okay he notices, gets nervous and asks what happened, he thinks I got some negatives news on my phone or something. It just absolutely sucks. I have all these thoughts in my head about how he probably wishes I looked more like her, he would’ve gone up and flirted with her if I wasn’t here, etc. He’s also said he thinks girls in chokers is very hot, in a sexual way, and I wonder every time we see one wearing one if he is having sexual thoughts about her.
Once he scrolled past a random girl on his IG explore page with me next to him and said “damn, she’s cute” and went to her profile, scrolled it for 5 seconds, clicked on some images, then exited. Then it’s like he remembered I was there and he said “Not as cute as you, of course” but it didn’t feel genuine. That made me feel like shit. It’s not like he does that a lot, he’s done that once this one time, but it still sticks with me.
I genuinely don’t find other guys attractive anymore, it doesn’t even register to me anymore if a man I’m looking at or talking to is attractive or not, it’s like I’ve turned that side of my thoughts off. Which is why it hurts me even more he hasn’t seemed to do that.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but with my country's’ psychiatric care being what it is, I can’t expect it to happen anytime soon. My friend waited for 2 years, and that is around the predicted time for anyone who isn’t willing to go the private route - which I don’t have money to do. So I’m doing my best with what I can do. I really don’t want to destroy this relationship, truly, he could be the love of my life. I’ve never *seeked* a relationship for this reason, I knew I needed to work more on my confidence and self-worth in fear of me. But I met him very randomly and unexpected, and just fell straight in love with him, immediately clicked and everything, in a way I can’t recall ever having done before.
I haven't fully made him aware of the extent of my insecurities, but sometimes I'll bring stuff up, like "hey, do you think we're too different being introverted and extroverted respectively?" and he will go on to reassure me a ton. Every time I give into my thoughts and ask him questions or express concerns he always is so loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. This is all in my head, but unfortunately being aware of that doesn't make it easier to get it out.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, before we were dating and I obsessively dwell on them. His past interactions about his ex-FWB, calling her hot to his friends, seeing nudes that he has sent him and pictures he took of her while they were having sex. (All this from a groupchat, I haven't gone through his phone, more info above) Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he still harbors feelings for her and wishes I were more like her. I also feel jealous of other girls and constantly fear he finds them more attractive. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer while we had been dating for 2-4 months and one in October that was very provocative. I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship.
submitted by ThrowRAsugarr to relationships [link] [comments]
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. I used to frequently view his ex and ex-FWBs’ social media, basically just to compare myself to them, now I do it less and less to try to intentionally stop doing it, like the scale down method as you do with obsessions. Regardless, the stuff that I found still comes to bother my sometimes randomly in my head.
For example he has liked his ex-FWB posts on IG, not even recently, but whilst we were dating. All lightly dressed - bikinis, very small crop tops, etc - posted last summer (when we had been dating for 2-4 months) he had liked. Even back in October last year he liked a picture of her that was very provocative, her with an angle from above, tongue out, angle tilting down into her tanktop with her nipple piercings fully visible through her shirt. We had dated for 5 months at that point. The fact that he was liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable, although he hasn’t liked any of the most recent pictures she has posted - I question if it’s because of the weather being colder and her putting on more, and I worry over just the hypothetical of him starting to like them again in the summer when she whips out the bikinis and minimal clothing.
I also looked at his ex's IG profile, who is on a completely other level, no provocative pictures, but very beautiful and very clever, she is getting a double PHD and winning multiple awards, and starting her own business and doing tons of charity work. It’s just this perfect person and then he moved on to….me….
Recently I’ve also come to the realization that in the group chat with his friends my boyfriend added me to, you can look back at messages from before you were a part of it. Not sure my boyfriend knows about this detail, since he's always been in it. Regardless, I've scrolled far back to see a lot of messages about his ex-FWB and his ex girlfriend there as well, that just contribute to my anxiety. It’s important to note that this was from before him and I were dating. So, it shouldn’t matter, but it’s destroying what’s left of my confidence seeing what he’s said. I know I am the problem.
I saw some messages about his ex-FWB, from my boyfriend bragging to the all-boys group chat about how his ex-FWB sent him nudes, sharing them with them (she had given him consent to do so) when she first started expressing interest before they got involved, saying how hot she was and that it was rare to find a girl as kinky as her. I know they did multiple things together in the bedroom, and it bothers me enormously knowing exactly what they did and even seeing some pictures of it that he took while they were having sex, and sharing them in the gc (again, with permission, he's not an asshole). We are into some BDSM stuff, and I know from comparison that he used the same equipment on me that he did to her, which just makes me feel dirty and terrible.
Every time we do something intimate of that nature I can't help but wonder if he's thinking about her, or if he is thinking that she was better in bed, was more attractive, was more confident and more seductive, etc... Given she has an extremely large sexual history and my boyfriend only just took my virginity, I just can't help but assume those things are true. I am way more timid in bed because of my insecurities, and it feels like he wishes I was more like her, he tries to guide me into being more of a dirty-talker but these thoughts stop me.
I also saw this message: “I asked *ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck again but she’s ignoring me lol” coming from after 8 days of us meeting, after he sent a “Met a really cute girl today, I think she likes me” etc. message about me, and 8 days before we became girlfriend/boyfriend. This hurts me because well, we knew each other at that point, I would even say we had had our first date at that point, and he had previously, before I saw these messages, told me that having sex with her that one time just made him sure that sex as just a means to get off wasn’t for him, that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him in the first place, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again?
These past messages include him also gushing about his ex, at the time they were dating but also a while afterwards. Saying how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is, intelligent, and that she can converse with pretty much anyone and find a topic. He is much the same. That made me extremely insecure, because I am the complete opposite of that. I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous.
Even talking to his family I struggle with because I am so shy, I am constantly wondering in my head if he wishes I was more like her, his family does, or just that I was her in general. This was also brought on from early suspicions I've had about him not being over her, because some things he's said, that's then made my anxiety spiral even worse (while we were dating in the beginning he'd go on rants about what went wrong in their relationship, how he could've fixed it, he at one point told me that she was the "right person, wrong time" which he has since reassured me about not meaning, but still, etc).
I looked at all those previous group chat messages out of curiosity at first not wanting or even thinking about finding anything about his exes to make me insecure, now it's become a weird obsession where I have saved screenshots of the stuff that he's said about these women in a folder on my phone, and I visit that folder a bit more frequent than I'd like to admit. I don't know why I do it, it's like I want to hurt my feelings and make me feel insecure. There's also positive stuff in there that I've seen and saved to my folder as well, about me, how beautiful I am and supportive of him, but it just gets a bit overshadowed.
I also get jealous of girls we see when out and about. He’s told me he’s very attracted to girls with pale skin, blue eyes and dark hair - which I have, but every time him and I are out and we spot another girl with those features - worst of all if I think of her to be more attractive than me - I get so down, I can shut down and go all mopey and even though I try to pretend I am okay he notices, gets nervous and asks what happened, he thinks I got some negatives news on my phone or something. It just absolutely sucks. I have all these thoughts in my head about how he probably wishes I looked more like her, he would’ve gone up and flirted with her if I wasn’t here, etc. He’s also said he thinks girls in chokers is very hot, in a sexual way, and I wonder every time we see one wearing one if he is having sexual thoughts about her.
Once he scrolled past a random girl on his IG explore page with me next to him and said “damn, she’s cute” and went to her profile, scrolled it for 5 seconds, clicked on some images, then exited. Then it’s like he remembered I was there and he said “Not as cute as you, of course” but it didn’t feel genuine. That made me feel like shit. It’s not like he does that a lot, he’s done that once this one time, but it still sticks with me.
I genuinely don’t find other guys attractive anymore, it doesn’t even register to me anymore if a man I’m looking at or talking to is attractive or not, it’s like I’ve turned that side of my thoughts off. Which is why it hurts me even more he hasn’t seemed to do that.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but with my country's’ psychiatric care being what it is, I can’t expect it to happen anytime soon. My friend waited for 2 years, and that is around the predicted time for anyone who isn’t willing to go the private route - which I don’t have money to do. So I’m doing my best with what I can do. I really don’t want to destroy this relationship, truly, he could be the love of my life. I’ve never *seeked* a relationship for this reason, I knew I needed to work more on my confidence and self-worth in fear of me. But I met him very randomly and unexpected, and just fell straight in love with him, immediately clicked and everything, in a way I can’t recall ever having done before.
I haven't fully made him aware of the extent of my insecurities, but sometimes I'll bring stuff up, like "hey, do you think we're too different being introverted and extroverted respectively?" and he will go on to reassure me a ton. Every time I give into my thoughts and ask him questions or express concerns he always is so loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. This is all in my head, but unfortunately being aware of that doesn't make it easier to get it out.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, before we were dating and I obsessively dwell on them. His past interactions about his ex-FWB, calling her hot to his friends, seeing nudes that he has sent him and pictures he took of her while they were having sex. (All this from a groupchat, I haven't gone through his phone, more info above) Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he still harbors feelings for her and wishes I were more like her. I also feel jealous of other girls and constantly fear he finds them more attractive. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer while we had been dating for 2-4 months and one in October that was very provocative. I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship.
2024.05.15 18:11 ThrowRAsugarr I (23F) am extremely insecure and I fear I'm going to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend (25M). How do I become less insecure and gain confidence in our relationship?
I (23F) have been dating 25M for 9 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex and his ex-FWB, and even random girls.
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. I used to frequently view his ex and ex-FWBs’ social media, basically just to compare myself to them, now I do it less and less to try to intentionally stop doing it, like the scale down method as you do with obsessions. Regardless, the stuff that I found still comes to bother my sometimes randomly in my head.
For example he has liked his ex-FWB posts on IG, not even recently, but whilst we were dating. All lightly dressed - bikinis, very small crop tops, etc - posted last summer (when we had been dating for 2-4 months) he had liked. Even back in October last year he liked a picture of her that was very provocative, her with an angle from above, tongue out, angle tilting down into her tanktop with her nipple piercings fully visible through her shirt. We had dated for 5 months at that point. The fact that he was liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable, although he hasn’t liked any of the most recent pictures she has posted - I question if it’s because of the weather being colder and her putting on more, and I worry over just the hypothetical of him starting to like them again in the summer when she whips out the bikinis and minimal clothing.
I also looked at his ex's IG profile, who is on a completely other level, no provocative pictures, but very beautiful and very clever, she is getting a double PHD and winning multiple awards, and starting her own business and doing tons of charity work. It’s just this perfect person and then he moved on to….me….
Recently I’ve also come to the realization that in the group chat with his friends my boyfriend added me to, you can look back at messages from before you were a part of it. Not sure my boyfriend knows about this detail, since he's always been in it. Regardless, I've scrolled far back to see a lot of messages about his ex-FWB and his ex girlfriend there as well, that just contribute to my anxiety. It’s important to note that this was from before him and I were dating. So, it shouldn’t matter, but it’s destroying what’s left of my confidence seeing what he’s said. I know I am the problem.
I saw some messages about his ex-FWB, from my boyfriend bragging to the all-boys group chat about how his ex-FWB sent him nudes, sharing them with them (she had given him consent to do so) when she first started expressing interest before they got involved, saying how hot she was and that it was rare to find a girl as kinky as her. I know they did multiple things together in the bedroom, and it bothers me enormously knowing exactly what they did and even seeing some pictures of it that he took while they were having sex, and sharing them in the gc (again, with permission, he's not an asshole). We are into some BDSM stuff, and I know from comparison that he used the same equipment on me that he did to her, which just makes me feel dirty and terrible.
Every time we do something intimate of that nature I can't help but wonder if he's thinking about her, or if she is thinking that she was better in bed, was more attractive, was more confident and more seductive, etc... Given she has an extremely large sexual history and my boyfriend only just took my virginity, I just can't help but assume those things are true. I am way more timid in bed because of my insecurities, and it feels like he wishes I was more like her, he tries to guide me into being more of a dirty-talker but these thoughts stop me.
I also saw this message: “I asked *ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck again but she’s ignoring me lol” coming from after 4 days of us meeting, 8 days after he sent a “Met a really cute girl today, I think she likes me” etc. message about me, and 8 days before we became girlfriend/boyfriend. This hurts me because well, we knew each other at that point, I would even say we had had our first date at that point, and he had previously, before I saw these messages, told me that having sex with her that one time just made him sure that sex as just a means to get off wasn’t for him, that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him in the first place, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again?
These past messages include him also gushing about his ex, at the time they were dating but also a while afterwards. Saying how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is, intelligent, and that she can converse with pretty much anyone and find a topic. He is much the same. That made me extremely insecure, because I am the complete opposite of that. I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous.
Even talking to his family I struggle with because I am so shy, I am constantly wondering in my head if he wishes I was more like her, his family does, or just that I was her in general. This was also brought on from early suspicions I've had about him not being over her, because some things he's said, that's then made my anxiety spiral even worse (while we were dating in the beginning he'd go on rants about what went wrong in their relationship, how he could've fixed it, he at one point told me that she was the "right person, wrong time" which he has since reassured me about not meaning, but still, etc).
I looked at all those previous group chat messages out of curiosity at first not wanting or even thinking about finding anything about his exes to make me insecure, now it's become a weird obsession where I have saved screenshots of the stuff that he's said about these women in a folder on my phone, and I visit that folder a bit more frequent than I'd like to admit. I don't know why I do it, it's like I want to hurt my feelings and make me feel insecure. There's also positive stuff in there that I've seen and saved to my folder as well, about me, how beautiful I am and supportive of him, but it just gets a bit overshadowed.
I also get jealous of girls we see when out and about. He’s told me he’s very attracted to girls with pale skin, blue eyes and dark hair - which I have, but every time him and I are out and we spot another girl with those features - worst of all if I think of her to be more attractive than me - I get so down, I can shut down and go all mopey and even though I try to pretend I am okay he notices, gets nervous and asks what happened, he thinks I got some negatives news on my phone or something. It just absolutely sucks. I have all these thoughts in my head about how he probably wishes I looked more like her, he would’ve gone up and flirted with her if I wasn’t here, etc. He’s also said he thinks girls in chokers is very hot, in a sexual way, and I wonder every time we see one wearing one if he is having sexual thoughts about her.
Once he scrolled past a random girl on his IG explore page with me next to him and said “damn, she’s cute” and went to her profile, scrolled it for 5 seconds, clicked on some images, then exited. Then it’s like he remembered I was there and he said “Not as cute as you, of course” but it didn’t feel genuine. That made me feel like shit. It’s not like he does that a lot, he’s done that once this one time, but it still sticks with me.
I genuinely don’t find other guys attractive anymore, it doesn’t even register to me anymore if a man I’m looking at or talking to is attractive or not, it’s like I’ve turned that side of my thoughts off. Which is why it hurts me even more he hasn’t seemed to do that.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but with my country's’ psychiatric care being what it is, I can’t expect it to happen anytime soon. My friend waited for 2 years, and that is around the predicted time for anyone who isn’t willing to go the private route - which I don’t have money to do. So I’m doing my best with what I can do. I really don’t want to destroy this relationship, truly, he could be the love of my life. I’ve never *seeked* a relationship for this reason, I knew I needed to work more on my confidence and self-worth in fear of me. But I met him very randomly and unexpected, and just fell straight in love with him, immediately clicked and everything, in a way I can’t recall ever having done before.
I haven't fully made him aware of the extent of my insecurities, but sometimes I'll bring stuff up, like "hey, do you think we're too different being introverted and extroverted respectively?" and he will go on to reassure me a ton. Every time I give into my thoughts and ask him questions or express concerns he always is so loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. This is all in my head, but unfortunately being aware of that doesn't make it easier to get it out.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, before we were dating and I obsessively dwell on them. His past interactions about his ex-FWB, calling her hot to his friends, seeing nudes that he has sent him and pictures he took of her while they were having sex. (All this from a groupchat, I haven't gone through his phone, more info above) Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he still harbors feelings for her and wishes I were more like her. I also feel jealous of other girls and constantly fear he finds them more attractive. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer while we had been dating for 2-4 months and one in October that was very provocative. I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship.
submitted by ThrowRAsugarr to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. I used to frequently view his ex and ex-FWBs’ social media, basically just to compare myself to them, now I do it less and less to try to intentionally stop doing it, like the scale down method as you do with obsessions. Regardless, the stuff that I found still comes to bother my sometimes randomly in my head.
For example he has liked his ex-FWB posts on IG, not even recently, but whilst we were dating. All lightly dressed - bikinis, very small crop tops, etc - posted last summer (when we had been dating for 2-4 months) he had liked. Even back in October last year he liked a picture of her that was very provocative, her with an angle from above, tongue out, angle tilting down into her tanktop with her nipple piercings fully visible through her shirt. We had dated for 5 months at that point. The fact that he was liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable, although he hasn’t liked any of the most recent pictures she has posted - I question if it’s because of the weather being colder and her putting on more, and I worry over just the hypothetical of him starting to like them again in the summer when she whips out the bikinis and minimal clothing.
I also looked at his ex's IG profile, who is on a completely other level, no provocative pictures, but very beautiful and very clever, she is getting a double PHD and winning multiple awards, and starting her own business and doing tons of charity work. It’s just this perfect person and then he moved on to….me….
Recently I’ve also come to the realization that in the group chat with his friends my boyfriend added me to, you can look back at messages from before you were a part of it. Not sure my boyfriend knows about this detail, since he's always been in it. Regardless, I've scrolled far back to see a lot of messages about his ex-FWB and his ex girlfriend there as well, that just contribute to my anxiety. It’s important to note that this was from before him and I were dating. So, it shouldn’t matter, but it’s destroying what’s left of my confidence seeing what he’s said. I know I am the problem.
I saw some messages about his ex-FWB, from my boyfriend bragging to the all-boys group chat about how his ex-FWB sent him nudes, sharing them with them (she had given him consent to do so) when she first started expressing interest before they got involved, saying how hot she was and that it was rare to find a girl as kinky as her. I know they did multiple things together in the bedroom, and it bothers me enormously knowing exactly what they did and even seeing some pictures of it that he took while they were having sex, and sharing them in the gc (again, with permission, he's not an asshole). We are into some BDSM stuff, and I know from comparison that he used the same equipment on me that he did to her, which just makes me feel dirty and terrible.
Every time we do something intimate of that nature I can't help but wonder if he's thinking about her, or if she is thinking that she was better in bed, was more attractive, was more confident and more seductive, etc... Given she has an extremely large sexual history and my boyfriend only just took my virginity, I just can't help but assume those things are true. I am way more timid in bed because of my insecurities, and it feels like he wishes I was more like her, he tries to guide me into being more of a dirty-talker but these thoughts stop me.
I also saw this message: “I asked *ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck again but she’s ignoring me lol” coming from after 4 days of us meeting, 8 days after he sent a “Met a really cute girl today, I think she likes me” etc. message about me, and 8 days before we became girlfriend/boyfriend. This hurts me because well, we knew each other at that point, I would even say we had had our first date at that point, and he had previously, before I saw these messages, told me that having sex with her that one time just made him sure that sex as just a means to get off wasn’t for him, that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him in the first place, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again?
These past messages include him also gushing about his ex, at the time they were dating but also a while afterwards. Saying how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is, intelligent, and that she can converse with pretty much anyone and find a topic. He is much the same. That made me extremely insecure, because I am the complete opposite of that. I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous.
Even talking to his family I struggle with because I am so shy, I am constantly wondering in my head if he wishes I was more like her, his family does, or just that I was her in general. This was also brought on from early suspicions I've had about him not being over her, because some things he's said, that's then made my anxiety spiral even worse (while we were dating in the beginning he'd go on rants about what went wrong in their relationship, how he could've fixed it, he at one point told me that she was the "right person, wrong time" which he has since reassured me about not meaning, but still, etc).
I looked at all those previous group chat messages out of curiosity at first not wanting or even thinking about finding anything about his exes to make me insecure, now it's become a weird obsession where I have saved screenshots of the stuff that he's said about these women in a folder on my phone, and I visit that folder a bit more frequent than I'd like to admit. I don't know why I do it, it's like I want to hurt my feelings and make me feel insecure. There's also positive stuff in there that I've seen and saved to my folder as well, about me, how beautiful I am and supportive of him, but it just gets a bit overshadowed.
I also get jealous of girls we see when out and about. He’s told me he’s very attracted to girls with pale skin, blue eyes and dark hair - which I have, but every time him and I are out and we spot another girl with those features - worst of all if I think of her to be more attractive than me - I get so down, I can shut down and go all mopey and even though I try to pretend I am okay he notices, gets nervous and asks what happened, he thinks I got some negatives news on my phone or something. It just absolutely sucks. I have all these thoughts in my head about how he probably wishes I looked more like her, he would’ve gone up and flirted with her if I wasn’t here, etc. He’s also said he thinks girls in chokers is very hot, in a sexual way, and I wonder every time we see one wearing one if he is having sexual thoughts about her.
Once he scrolled past a random girl on his IG explore page with me next to him and said “damn, she’s cute” and went to her profile, scrolled it for 5 seconds, clicked on some images, then exited. Then it’s like he remembered I was there and he said “Not as cute as you, of course” but it didn’t feel genuine. That made me feel like shit. It’s not like he does that a lot, he’s done that once this one time, but it still sticks with me.
I genuinely don’t find other guys attractive anymore, it doesn’t even register to me anymore if a man I’m looking at or talking to is attractive or not, it’s like I’ve turned that side of my thoughts off. Which is why it hurts me even more he hasn’t seemed to do that.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but with my country's’ psychiatric care being what it is, I can’t expect it to happen anytime soon. My friend waited for 2 years, and that is around the predicted time for anyone who isn’t willing to go the private route - which I don’t have money to do. So I’m doing my best with what I can do. I really don’t want to destroy this relationship, truly, he could be the love of my life. I’ve never *seeked* a relationship for this reason, I knew I needed to work more on my confidence and self-worth in fear of me. But I met him very randomly and unexpected, and just fell straight in love with him, immediately clicked and everything, in a way I can’t recall ever having done before.
I haven't fully made him aware of the extent of my insecurities, but sometimes I'll bring stuff up, like "hey, do you think we're too different being introverted and extroverted respectively?" and he will go on to reassure me a ton. Every time I give into my thoughts and ask him questions or express concerns he always is so loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. This is all in my head, but unfortunately being aware of that doesn't make it easier to get it out.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, before we were dating and I obsessively dwell on them. His past interactions about his ex-FWB, calling her hot to his friends, seeing nudes that he has sent him and pictures he took of her while they were having sex. (All this from a groupchat, I haven't gone through his phone, more info above) Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he still harbors feelings for her and wishes I were more like her. I also feel jealous of other girls and constantly fear he finds them more attractive. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer while we had been dating for 2-4 months and one in October that was very provocative. I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship.
2024.05.15 18:03 KamchatkasRevenge Out of Cruel Space Side Story: Of Dog, Volpir, and Man - Bk 6 Ch 18
The next day finds the military part of the Bridger family waiting in one of the larger cargo bays. Paladin company and Shark Platoon are on hand, all in full power armor except for Makula, with the exception of Jaruna who's standing next to Jerry in a family uniform with her shotgun and sword slung over her back. Jerry had also elected for a dress uniform today, though he'd paired it with a 'ceremonial' curaiss that could still take a hit from a plasma cannon or two... and concealed a small shield generator. Mixed with his cloak and the Crimsonhewer war ax on his belt, Jerry thought he looked every bit the barbarian warlord... if a bit too clean cut for a Hollywood depiction of such.
The situation reminded Jerry of a similar reception back on Serbow... but this one was a bit less ceremonial and a bit more... dynamic. They didn't have any formal bonds with Clan Karchara, or their Khan, Komugai. So as a meeting of two new to each other factions, things could get... exciting. Which considering they were talking about Cannidor meant that things could potentially get very violent, very quickly.
They usually didn't. Not any more. Yet... it never helped to play it safe, even with a clan that had a decent reputation like the Karchara. More cut throat clans had been heard to disguise themselves for meetings like this for meetings so they could ambush their targets after all. Plus as always, there was tradition to observe and satisfy. Tradition which could be best summarized as 'Offer one hand, but arm the other.'. The Cannidor were ready to fight a war naked among any people but their own. They were beyond dangerous. So an armed society wasn't so much a polite society as the unarmed were likely mentally infirm, and to be politely left to their own devices.
A sharp whistle from the 1MC draws Jerry from his thoughts.
"Now hear this! The Clan Karchara envoy is arriving!"
The Karchara drop ship slides into view out of the black and makes it's way towards the docking day with all the leisurely grace of a terrestrial shark swimming towards a coral reef. Whoever's piloting it is clearly a hot hand on the stick because the ship moves as smooth as anything Jerry had ever seen out of Cruel Space, extending it's landing gear and coming to a halt with nary a hint of a bounce in it's suspension and shock absorbing gear.
"Hmmm. The Karchara..." Jaruna rumbles. "An interesting contact in Cannidor space to be sure. So to recap what we talked about, they're somewhat on and off again allies of my old clan. Decent types for the most part. No idea who the Khan is now, and a little searching online didn't turn anything up. Don't think the intelligence weasels had anything either. Save that they've been having some internal structural changes. Seized a new planet too, lighting raid, unconventional tactics, whatever that means. Gives them complete control of... ten decently populated and industrialized star systems I think. They're firmly in the middle of the power band for the Khans by that measurement, exact position depends on the number of warriors under arms they can bring to the Golden Khan's muster."
"Right. Well. Guess we'll have to see what Khan Karchara wants to chat about, and hear about this plan of hers."
The Karchara drop ship settles onto it's landing gear, and it's flight crew leaves the engines running. Tradition. You never knew if a reception was actually friendly after all, and it was also a mark of respect for the hosts. You might be asked to fuck off after all.
The forward assault ramp drops, and the honor guard warriors of the Khan march out, in power armor, but with their helmets off, fanning out to cover their leader. The lack of helmets was very much a declaration of intent, the human equivalent of open palms for a Cannidor in power armor.
Jaruna's brow instantly furrows as she scans the faces of the honor guard.
"...Wait. I know some of those girls. One of my aunts, Norkath is there on the left, and that's... but that."
Jerry can hear Jaruna's brain crunching that information.
"...Komugai. You said the Khan's name was Komugai? Not Jelvuna?"
"Definently Komugai."
"...Unless she changed her name... but then would Aunt Norkath join the Karchara proper without her...?"
Jaruna mutters to herself, clearly trying to puzzle whatever's eating at her out, when the sound of heavy boots on the assault ramp sound, and an utterly massive Cannidor woman starts to come into view. She cuts an imposing presence. Her uniform not too far off from Jerry's, a mix of barbarian warlord and modern dress uniform. The massive war ax over her shoulder tipping the scales on the barbarian - modern officer scale towards barbarian. It was easy to miss her other various weapons in the sheer scale of her. Her stark white fur, the three brutal scars across her muzzle, and another two over her left eye, which had a cybernetic replacement.
Khan Karchara stands for a moment, surveying the room silently... and before anyone can say anything, Jaruna breaks the silence;
"...Mom?"
Khan Karchara cuts loose with a booming laugh that reminds Jerry of Khan Isuras, and if this is indeed Jaruna's mother, he can immediately see exactly why the two women cut palms and swore sisterhood. He wouldn't be hard pressed to believe they were actual sisters.
"Heh. Glad to see all that time on Centris hasn't dulled your powers of observation! Always said you were a sharp one."
There's no sarcasm there, a little maternal teasing perhaps, but she's not mocking Jaruna. Anyone with eyes can tell Khan Karchara is damn proud of her child.
"And this'd be my son in law... bit small but hell just from your first date with my little girl I know you're a first class head kicker, plus you already gave me four grandbabies to spoil! Hahah. I suppose these bigguns here are the older girls? I... say. I thought there was three of you."
Karchara points at Makula.
"You're a bit old to be Hippolyta considering she was born a couple weeks ago. Who are you, girl?"
"Makula Sa'Bridger, I was adopted a few days ago. Honored Matron."
Karchara grins, her numerous teeth gleaming in the light of the hangar.
"Matron? Not Khan?"
"You are my mother's mother, standing in my family's clan hold. To refer to your title by right of blood is most appropriate."
Another bark of laughter.
"Well drilled and whip smart I see. You know the ways of our kind well, granddaughter." Karchara smirks, looking smug before turning to her honor guard.
"See girls? Five now! Haha! What a stud of a bull!"
Khan Karchara turns back to Jerry and Jaruna.
"Ah but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get the formal bit done so we can go jaw a bit and then hopefully I can visit with my eldest daughter, my son in law and these fine young ladies."
She quickly shifts her body a bit, drawing herself up to her full, imposing twelve foot height.
"I am Komugai, Khan of Karchara. I come to broker peace and fellowship between our clans, to join them in a bond of steel that will stand the sword storm for all time."
Jerry nods slowly. More than they'd expected actually. That was laying out intent to conduct some very, very serious negotiations.
"I, Jeremiah, Khan of Bridger, Admiral of this fleet, lord of these proud warriors before you, bid you welcome, Komugai of Karchara, bring your banner among ours, that they might rest together while we discuss the business of peace, and of wars yet to come."
"Well spoken indeed... and the steel in your eyes." Komugai nods slowly. "Yes, I see what you see in him, Jaruna, well past his considerable combat skills. All the better my dear son-in-law that you have already begun working on my grand design... but come, let us dismiss our warriors that they might go and eat, drink and enjoy themselves. We need only you, Jaruna, and perhaps my granddaughters for this business, so that they might learn the ways of leadership."
"I think we can accommodate that." Jerry says before turning and pulling the ax off of his belt and raising it high, an ancient Cannidor signal for attention from the leader of a warband to their warriors.
"Warriors, we walk with friends, show them to the promenade, that they might share our table while we discuss business."
Jerry and Jaruna guide Komugai to the conference room they'd prepared, while Joan and the girls quickly hustle to get their armor stowed and get their tails to the same spot. None of them wanted to miss a minute of this!
Still, the tension in the room's fairly heavy when the door closes, and Jaruna turns on her mother.
"Alright. We got a couple minutes till the girls get up here. What the hell, mom? You changed your name? Took over the Karchara? What the heck is going on?"
Komugai settles herself in a Cannidor scale chair, grinning all the while.
"You should be happier, daughter. This was inspired by you after all. When you left our band. Left the old clan... I knew you were right. We won't speak of that business, but we were obligated... and I should have been brave enough to refuse, but I lacked the standing... and perhaps the courage. So I did what any good Khan worth her blades would do and crammed it down their throats. Broke that clan, took them in, then subsumed the Karchara with my new band. They've got the older name, so I became Khan Karchara instead of remaining Khan Jormuntide. Your Aunt's got the title now. I'd offer it to you, but you've got your own clan now."
"So Jormuntide remains at least." Jaruna shuts her eyes for a second and lets out a slow breath. "You really did all this because of my idealistic and childish temper tantrum nearly a century ago?"
"Hardly childish. Idealistic? Absolutely. There's something to be said for actually trying to live up to our own ideals though. Especially as warriors. However, that is personal business, and we have business to discuss for the Undaunted first."
Komugai turns to face Jerry square on.
"Admiral Bridger, I'm prepared to offer two things to the Undaunted. One. I want to ally myself and my clan formally with the Undaunted. Second, I prepared to gift an entire star system to the same from my holdings. It is populated, but sparsely across three habitable worlds. Ripe for ongoing colonization and industrialization. To keep things fair, people within my clans will be given a chance to move to or from as they please if for some reason they don't wish for Undaunted citizenship. The Undaunted will then have the standing to select a Khan for your Cannidor population, both in Cannidor space, and Undaunted wide. A non voting position at first, but as the clan grows you will achieve that status quickly I believe."
Jerry stops dead. "...Did you just offer us a star system with three habitable worlds?"
"Yes."
"...Okay, I'm on board, but why?"
"Simply put, the worlds are marginal. They need investment. They need settlers. You need worlds. A strong alliance with humanity... and being the first Cannidor clan to extend that hand formally, even having your realm within my space... only benefits me. As I grow my own territory I might even cede another system to the Undaunted. If the Undaunted Khan helps me in those battles I damn sure will." Komugai chuckles. "We'll see how many Khans are stupid enough to try to fight me in the next few decades of course. The other thing I'm trading on is Undaunted naval power. As you just learned, we don't really do navies. I want a professional navy, the Undaunted have agreed to help me get it... and help secure my space once we secure them my end of the bargain, that, Admiral, is where you come in."
Jerry arches an eyebrow and gestures for Komugai to continue.
"Simply put, you need to do what you just did with that border bandit Khan Irgalas, but across Cannidor space. This isn't a done deal. It's up to the Grand Council and I'm but one vote. You already have an in with some of the other Khans, and the Undaunted are doing business with Cannid Solutions. That's an excellent start, and you just made a stellar formal introduction of yourself to Cannidor space. A flawless orbital and ground fight like that'll make sure word gets around that the Undaunted are here... and as dangerous as their rep says they are. I got a little list of the other movers and shakers you need to press the flesh with to win over key parts of the council. You make the rounds, and I'll be doing the same on my end. We meet on Canis Prime for the council meeting, and then we either have a huge brawl to make our point or toast victory with some top quality booze."
"You make it sound pretty simple." Jerry says, clearly not believing there's all there is to it.
Komugai shrugs. "It is simple in its concept. Pressing the flesh and winning the various Khans over won't be. They'll all have their little tests and challenges for you to get the measure of both humans and the Undaunted. We've seen a lot on the trivid as a species. A lot of us have heard stuff in the news or from kin. This is your chance to just straight up show people who you are and what you're about. Because now you're here, and therefore 'real'. If that makes any sense. Cannidor don't really care much about shit happening on the other half of the galactic disk. Undaunted, Humans, being here? Now? Now people will really start paying attention besides idly seeing if there's some interesting amateur porn or more combat footage available."
The Khan points over at Joan, Boudicca, Khutulun and Makula. "These four will likely be very critical to the warrior house's opinion of you... your next generation of warriors, your daughters. How are they treated? How are they trained? What's their mettle like? If they're strong, and worthy, you will impress the khans in a very good way. If my granddaughters are found wanting, they'd question a great many things... and could cause trouble when the Grand Council meets to discuss my little proposal, among other orders of business."
Jerry looks over at Joan and the girls, all four of them are suddenly looking very tense, especially Makula. "I have every confidence in all of my daughters to deal with anything the Khans can throw at them. Even Hippolyta if a trial suited for an infant is on hand."
That gets a chuckle from the girls, relaxing them a hair.
"Still. We'll burn that bridge when we get there. No sense borrowing trouble that hasn't come yet."
Komugai nods. "Wise words. Your diplomats have already approved this plan on their end, they'll send you the itinerary and all the fussy details shortly. Unless you have other questions for me?"
"I've heard there's a grand council of patriarchs too. Would getting in good with them help?"
That gets a full on shrug from the massive warrior woman. "Yes? I mean. Probably. No good way to arrange that though beyond asking my hubby, and I have. He said their council will handle things if it's deemed appropriate, and I don't need to fuss about it too much, and I know a polite way to be asked to fuck off when I hear one... so keep your head on a swivel on that one Jerry, I'm sure the patriarchs are well aware of the Undaunted... and are looking at a possible way to make warriors out of their sons without making their wives piss their frilly panties."
The khan's brilliant white teeth glitter in the room. "Back when we were the more traditional kind of savages back on our homeworld, the bulls did a lot of the leading and the fighting on an individual basis. Women however have always fought the wars. As we grew as a species, developed power armor, space travel, had our population bloom, a bull fighting another in single combat became less practical, and the other traditional male roles of shaman, guide, and brain trust came to the forefront. The council of patriarchs is an old body Jerry. Pre space flight. One of our first forms of international diplomacy between the khans. The matriarchs hold all the power... but when the council of patriarchs speaks, people know to shut up and pay attention."
Jerry nods slowly. Seemed like he'd just have to wait and see... and make sure he made a good impression when the opportunity presented itself.
"Well. I think that concludes everything we need to talk about professionally. Unless you have something else Khan Karchara?"
"Aww, just call me Mama like my big fuzz ball over here used to when we're not working! I've heard a bit about this little fortress of yours, could you all give me the tour? I'd like a chance to talk to all my new granddaughters after all."
Jerry shrugs. "Sure, we'll head up to the Den for a bit, then head down to the promenade to join the girls for some drinks and skewers. Our Cannidor eatery's got the best skewers in wild space whenever we're there."
"Don't I believe it, get to try some more Earth meats too! Bought a little sampler pack from a friend and good goddess, if you start exporting that bacon stuff in bulk, I'm going to invest in a chain of gyms, because there's going to be a lot of girls fighting to keep their girlish figures!"
First Last (SFW) Last (NSFW)
submitted by KamchatkasRevenge to HFY [link] [comments]
The situation reminded Jerry of a similar reception back on Serbow... but this one was a bit less ceremonial and a bit more... dynamic. They didn't have any formal bonds with Clan Karchara, or their Khan, Komugai. So as a meeting of two new to each other factions, things could get... exciting. Which considering they were talking about Cannidor meant that things could potentially get very violent, very quickly.
They usually didn't. Not any more. Yet... it never helped to play it safe, even with a clan that had a decent reputation like the Karchara. More cut throat clans had been heard to disguise themselves for meetings like this for meetings so they could ambush their targets after all. Plus as always, there was tradition to observe and satisfy. Tradition which could be best summarized as 'Offer one hand, but arm the other.'. The Cannidor were ready to fight a war naked among any people but their own. They were beyond dangerous. So an armed society wasn't so much a polite society as the unarmed were likely mentally infirm, and to be politely left to their own devices.
A sharp whistle from the 1MC draws Jerry from his thoughts.
"Now hear this! The Clan Karchara envoy is arriving!"
The Karchara drop ship slides into view out of the black and makes it's way towards the docking day with all the leisurely grace of a terrestrial shark swimming towards a coral reef. Whoever's piloting it is clearly a hot hand on the stick because the ship moves as smooth as anything Jerry had ever seen out of Cruel Space, extending it's landing gear and coming to a halt with nary a hint of a bounce in it's suspension and shock absorbing gear.
"Hmmm. The Karchara..." Jaruna rumbles. "An interesting contact in Cannidor space to be sure. So to recap what we talked about, they're somewhat on and off again allies of my old clan. Decent types for the most part. No idea who the Khan is now, and a little searching online didn't turn anything up. Don't think the intelligence weasels had anything either. Save that they've been having some internal structural changes. Seized a new planet too, lighting raid, unconventional tactics, whatever that means. Gives them complete control of... ten decently populated and industrialized star systems I think. They're firmly in the middle of the power band for the Khans by that measurement, exact position depends on the number of warriors under arms they can bring to the Golden Khan's muster."
"Right. Well. Guess we'll have to see what Khan Karchara wants to chat about, and hear about this plan of hers."
The Karchara drop ship settles onto it's landing gear, and it's flight crew leaves the engines running. Tradition. You never knew if a reception was actually friendly after all, and it was also a mark of respect for the hosts. You might be asked to fuck off after all.
The forward assault ramp drops, and the honor guard warriors of the Khan march out, in power armor, but with their helmets off, fanning out to cover their leader. The lack of helmets was very much a declaration of intent, the human equivalent of open palms for a Cannidor in power armor.
Jaruna's brow instantly furrows as she scans the faces of the honor guard.
"...Wait. I know some of those girls. One of my aunts, Norkath is there on the left, and that's... but that."
Jerry can hear Jaruna's brain crunching that information.
"...Komugai. You said the Khan's name was Komugai? Not Jelvuna?"
"Definently Komugai."
"...Unless she changed her name... but then would Aunt Norkath join the Karchara proper without her...?"
Jaruna mutters to herself, clearly trying to puzzle whatever's eating at her out, when the sound of heavy boots on the assault ramp sound, and an utterly massive Cannidor woman starts to come into view. She cuts an imposing presence. Her uniform not too far off from Jerry's, a mix of barbarian warlord and modern dress uniform. The massive war ax over her shoulder tipping the scales on the barbarian - modern officer scale towards barbarian. It was easy to miss her other various weapons in the sheer scale of her. Her stark white fur, the three brutal scars across her muzzle, and another two over her left eye, which had a cybernetic replacement.
Khan Karchara stands for a moment, surveying the room silently... and before anyone can say anything, Jaruna breaks the silence;
"...Mom?"
Khan Karchara cuts loose with a booming laugh that reminds Jerry of Khan Isuras, and if this is indeed Jaruna's mother, he can immediately see exactly why the two women cut palms and swore sisterhood. He wouldn't be hard pressed to believe they were actual sisters.
"Heh. Glad to see all that time on Centris hasn't dulled your powers of observation! Always said you were a sharp one."
There's no sarcasm there, a little maternal teasing perhaps, but she's not mocking Jaruna. Anyone with eyes can tell Khan Karchara is damn proud of her child.
"And this'd be my son in law... bit small but hell just from your first date with my little girl I know you're a first class head kicker, plus you already gave me four grandbabies to spoil! Hahah. I suppose these bigguns here are the older girls? I... say. I thought there was three of you."
Karchara points at Makula.
"You're a bit old to be Hippolyta considering she was born a couple weeks ago. Who are you, girl?"
"Makula Sa'Bridger, I was adopted a few days ago. Honored Matron."
Karchara grins, her numerous teeth gleaming in the light of the hangar.
"Matron? Not Khan?"
"You are my mother's mother, standing in my family's clan hold. To refer to your title by right of blood is most appropriate."
Another bark of laughter.
"Well drilled and whip smart I see. You know the ways of our kind well, granddaughter." Karchara smirks, looking smug before turning to her honor guard.
"See girls? Five now! Haha! What a stud of a bull!"
Khan Karchara turns back to Jerry and Jaruna.
"Ah but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get the formal bit done so we can go jaw a bit and then hopefully I can visit with my eldest daughter, my son in law and these fine young ladies."
She quickly shifts her body a bit, drawing herself up to her full, imposing twelve foot height.
"I am Komugai, Khan of Karchara. I come to broker peace and fellowship between our clans, to join them in a bond of steel that will stand the sword storm for all time."
Jerry nods slowly. More than they'd expected actually. That was laying out intent to conduct some very, very serious negotiations.
"I, Jeremiah, Khan of Bridger, Admiral of this fleet, lord of these proud warriors before you, bid you welcome, Komugai of Karchara, bring your banner among ours, that they might rest together while we discuss the business of peace, and of wars yet to come."
"Well spoken indeed... and the steel in your eyes." Komugai nods slowly. "Yes, I see what you see in him, Jaruna, well past his considerable combat skills. All the better my dear son-in-law that you have already begun working on my grand design... but come, let us dismiss our warriors that they might go and eat, drink and enjoy themselves. We need only you, Jaruna, and perhaps my granddaughters for this business, so that they might learn the ways of leadership."
"I think we can accommodate that." Jerry says before turning and pulling the ax off of his belt and raising it high, an ancient Cannidor signal for attention from the leader of a warband to their warriors.
"Warriors, we walk with friends, show them to the promenade, that they might share our table while we discuss business."
Jerry and Jaruna guide Komugai to the conference room they'd prepared, while Joan and the girls quickly hustle to get their armor stowed and get their tails to the same spot. None of them wanted to miss a minute of this!
Still, the tension in the room's fairly heavy when the door closes, and Jaruna turns on her mother.
"Alright. We got a couple minutes till the girls get up here. What the hell, mom? You changed your name? Took over the Karchara? What the heck is going on?"
Komugai settles herself in a Cannidor scale chair, grinning all the while.
"You should be happier, daughter. This was inspired by you after all. When you left our band. Left the old clan... I knew you were right. We won't speak of that business, but we were obligated... and I should have been brave enough to refuse, but I lacked the standing... and perhaps the courage. So I did what any good Khan worth her blades would do and crammed it down their throats. Broke that clan, took them in, then subsumed the Karchara with my new band. They've got the older name, so I became Khan Karchara instead of remaining Khan Jormuntide. Your Aunt's got the title now. I'd offer it to you, but you've got your own clan now."
"So Jormuntide remains at least." Jaruna shuts her eyes for a second and lets out a slow breath. "You really did all this because of my idealistic and childish temper tantrum nearly a century ago?"
"Hardly childish. Idealistic? Absolutely. There's something to be said for actually trying to live up to our own ideals though. Especially as warriors. However, that is personal business, and we have business to discuss for the Undaunted first."
Komugai turns to face Jerry square on.
"Admiral Bridger, I'm prepared to offer two things to the Undaunted. One. I want to ally myself and my clan formally with the Undaunted. Second, I prepared to gift an entire star system to the same from my holdings. It is populated, but sparsely across three habitable worlds. Ripe for ongoing colonization and industrialization. To keep things fair, people within my clans will be given a chance to move to or from as they please if for some reason they don't wish for Undaunted citizenship. The Undaunted will then have the standing to select a Khan for your Cannidor population, both in Cannidor space, and Undaunted wide. A non voting position at first, but as the clan grows you will achieve that status quickly I believe."
Jerry stops dead. "...Did you just offer us a star system with three habitable worlds?"
"Yes."
"...Okay, I'm on board, but why?"
"Simply put, the worlds are marginal. They need investment. They need settlers. You need worlds. A strong alliance with humanity... and being the first Cannidor clan to extend that hand formally, even having your realm within my space... only benefits me. As I grow my own territory I might even cede another system to the Undaunted. If the Undaunted Khan helps me in those battles I damn sure will." Komugai chuckles. "We'll see how many Khans are stupid enough to try to fight me in the next few decades of course. The other thing I'm trading on is Undaunted naval power. As you just learned, we don't really do navies. I want a professional navy, the Undaunted have agreed to help me get it... and help secure my space once we secure them my end of the bargain, that, Admiral, is where you come in."
Jerry arches an eyebrow and gestures for Komugai to continue.
"Simply put, you need to do what you just did with that border bandit Khan Irgalas, but across Cannidor space. This isn't a done deal. It's up to the Grand Council and I'm but one vote. You already have an in with some of the other Khans, and the Undaunted are doing business with Cannid Solutions. That's an excellent start, and you just made a stellar formal introduction of yourself to Cannidor space. A flawless orbital and ground fight like that'll make sure word gets around that the Undaunted are here... and as dangerous as their rep says they are. I got a little list of the other movers and shakers you need to press the flesh with to win over key parts of the council. You make the rounds, and I'll be doing the same on my end. We meet on Canis Prime for the council meeting, and then we either have a huge brawl to make our point or toast victory with some top quality booze."
"You make it sound pretty simple." Jerry says, clearly not believing there's all there is to it.
Komugai shrugs. "It is simple in its concept. Pressing the flesh and winning the various Khans over won't be. They'll all have their little tests and challenges for you to get the measure of both humans and the Undaunted. We've seen a lot on the trivid as a species. A lot of us have heard stuff in the news or from kin. This is your chance to just straight up show people who you are and what you're about. Because now you're here, and therefore 'real'. If that makes any sense. Cannidor don't really care much about shit happening on the other half of the galactic disk. Undaunted, Humans, being here? Now? Now people will really start paying attention besides idly seeing if there's some interesting amateur porn or more combat footage available."
The Khan points over at Joan, Boudicca, Khutulun and Makula. "These four will likely be very critical to the warrior house's opinion of you... your next generation of warriors, your daughters. How are they treated? How are they trained? What's their mettle like? If they're strong, and worthy, you will impress the khans in a very good way. If my granddaughters are found wanting, they'd question a great many things... and could cause trouble when the Grand Council meets to discuss my little proposal, among other orders of business."
Jerry looks over at Joan and the girls, all four of them are suddenly looking very tense, especially Makula. "I have every confidence in all of my daughters to deal with anything the Khans can throw at them. Even Hippolyta if a trial suited for an infant is on hand."
That gets a chuckle from the girls, relaxing them a hair.
"Still. We'll burn that bridge when we get there. No sense borrowing trouble that hasn't come yet."
Komugai nods. "Wise words. Your diplomats have already approved this plan on their end, they'll send you the itinerary and all the fussy details shortly. Unless you have other questions for me?"
"I've heard there's a grand council of patriarchs too. Would getting in good with them help?"
That gets a full on shrug from the massive warrior woman. "Yes? I mean. Probably. No good way to arrange that though beyond asking my hubby, and I have. He said their council will handle things if it's deemed appropriate, and I don't need to fuss about it too much, and I know a polite way to be asked to fuck off when I hear one... so keep your head on a swivel on that one Jerry, I'm sure the patriarchs are well aware of the Undaunted... and are looking at a possible way to make warriors out of their sons without making their wives piss their frilly panties."
The khan's brilliant white teeth glitter in the room. "Back when we were the more traditional kind of savages back on our homeworld, the bulls did a lot of the leading and the fighting on an individual basis. Women however have always fought the wars. As we grew as a species, developed power armor, space travel, had our population bloom, a bull fighting another in single combat became less practical, and the other traditional male roles of shaman, guide, and brain trust came to the forefront. The council of patriarchs is an old body Jerry. Pre space flight. One of our first forms of international diplomacy between the khans. The matriarchs hold all the power... but when the council of patriarchs speaks, people know to shut up and pay attention."
Jerry nods slowly. Seemed like he'd just have to wait and see... and make sure he made a good impression when the opportunity presented itself.
"Well. I think that concludes everything we need to talk about professionally. Unless you have something else Khan Karchara?"
"Aww, just call me Mama like my big fuzz ball over here used to when we're not working! I've heard a bit about this little fortress of yours, could you all give me the tour? I'd like a chance to talk to all my new granddaughters after all."
Jerry shrugs. "Sure, we'll head up to the Den for a bit, then head down to the promenade to join the girls for some drinks and skewers. Our Cannidor eatery's got the best skewers in wild space whenever we're there."
"Don't I believe it, get to try some more Earth meats too! Bought a little sampler pack from a friend and good goddess, if you start exporting that bacon stuff in bulk, I'm going to invest in a chain of gyms, because there's going to be a lot of girls fighting to keep their girlish figures!"
First Last (SFW) Last (NSFW)
2024.05.15 18:02 MonkeyTwitch Estate Probate Finished. Now person helping is charging us for doing so.
First off, there was no will. My sister and I got half from our Mom's share. And the adopted son of her husband got the other half. Neither one of them wanted him to have any part of the inheritance. But without a will, it doesn't matter according to the law. I've had their neighbors and relatives asking how he got involved. But, again, without a will their testimony would be meaningless.
It was a surprise when the lawyer called and said he had come to the office to meet and was offering to help. Ok. That is fine. He had told us that people that normally handle estate stuff get paid $160 an hour but he wasn't going to charge anything, only wanted to help. Sounded great. At one point after the Estate sale was almost finished I asked if there was going to be an Itemized list of things that sold. He said "no." I thought that was odd but didn't challenge it...just wanted to see what came out of it. After the property itself sold and finished closing, he lets us know he'll be sending out our checks but he's decided to charge for 7 of the 12 days it took him to do all the stuff he did, (meeting with plumbers, painters, lawn folks, etc.).
I was appalled but didn't saying anything. I'm waiting for the check to see what he deducted. Legally, I don't think he's allowed to charge us anything because, for one, he said he wouldn't in the beginning. Two, he never asked for our approval. Had he done so we would have gone with an independent firm to do this because of his shady past.
Does anyone have any knowledge about Louisiana Law in regards to this situation? I'm wondering if we need a lawyer or if we can file something with the courts by ourselves. Does he have to provide receipts for everything he's claiming as expenses? How should we deal with this?
We're not getting much money at all. My mom wasn't rich by any means. Not dirt poor either. Nothing fancy, just plain living.
Any help, opinions, information, links would be much appreciated.
submitted by MonkeyTwitch to Louisiana [link] [comments]
It was a surprise when the lawyer called and said he had come to the office to meet and was offering to help. Ok. That is fine. He had told us that people that normally handle estate stuff get paid $160 an hour but he wasn't going to charge anything, only wanted to help. Sounded great. At one point after the Estate sale was almost finished I asked if there was going to be an Itemized list of things that sold. He said "no." I thought that was odd but didn't challenge it...just wanted to see what came out of it. After the property itself sold and finished closing, he lets us know he'll be sending out our checks but he's decided to charge for 7 of the 12 days it took him to do all the stuff he did, (meeting with plumbers, painters, lawn folks, etc.).
I was appalled but didn't saying anything. I'm waiting for the check to see what he deducted. Legally, I don't think he's allowed to charge us anything because, for one, he said he wouldn't in the beginning. Two, he never asked for our approval. Had he done so we would have gone with an independent firm to do this because of his shady past.
Does anyone have any knowledge about Louisiana Law in regards to this situation? I'm wondering if we need a lawyer or if we can file something with the courts by ourselves. Does he have to provide receipts for everything he's claiming as expenses? How should we deal with this?
We're not getting much money at all. My mom wasn't rich by any means. Not dirt poor either. Nothing fancy, just plain living.
Any help, opinions, information, links would be much appreciated.
2024.05.15 17:56 icedadx44 I (M33) feel unloved by my wife (31F) how do I overcome this feeling?
I have early onset COPD. I live in rural Nebraska, one of my triggers for my lungs is grain dust. I asked my wife to leave and she said no she wouldn't leave because she desires a life where ournkids grow up woth family ( S8, D7).
I learned about my COPD shortly after my son's birth and switched careers in part became of that (welder to teacher). WThe same doctor visit the doctor told me I should also look into living somewhere else due to accute allergies to grain dust and the nature of COPD. Each time I have a flair up my lungs get slightly more damaged, making the next flair up more often and more obstructive.
We lived in rural Kansas at the time. We finally moved to a different farm community in Kansas, despite my pleas to move somewhere good for me, in 21 due to her desire to go back to school. She failed out of school and we ended up having to leave our house we thought we were going to buy and ended up moving close to her sister in Nebraska. Again I asked to find somewhere else where it would be better for my lungs, but understood that we were in a dire situation and needed to find a home. We moved again in the same home and used the last of our savings to get out of our old lease and I to our new one beciae she didn't like our apartment and wanted to move into a duplex that opened up.
We are maxed out money wise, there is no hope of improvement here in that regards. She says the kids are happy because they have friends and she doesn't want to uproot them again. I am currently in the middle of a flair up... I feel like there are daggers in my chest and I asked her again if we could go and she said no... so I got angry and told her I was going wothout her . We separated, I got angry, she didn't want me and chose her familyover me. I started looking for distractions joined all kinds of Facebook pages and ended up liking a photo of another woman and commented on her eyes. My wife seen these and broke down. I went out to a bar with a friend because we never go on dates and I wanted to go out. My wife asked of I cheated, I did not. We argued back and forth, I cried for days. She doesn't think moving would help, she said she is scared we would end up homeless despite the relocation adding money to our pockets.
All of my family told me I'm being selfish, all of her family telling her I'm wrong. While I cry because all of thisnis happening because it hurts to breath and it's going to keep getting worse and now my choices are to lose my kids and try and find somewhere that isn't literally sucking the life from me or stay with a woman that I love but feel doesn't love me... or at least not enough to choose me. I asked to end the separation because I'm afraid I will end up killing myself if I have to live wothout them. Therapy hasn't helped, every argument and disagreement we have stems from this fear that she doesn't really love me that I'm just the safe choice. But I feel stuck because I will lose my whole world if I try to go for me. So I'm sitting here feeling depressed feeling like shit because my chest burns and she still gets everything she wants and I'm happy she is happy but idk how I could ever believe her when she tells me she loves me. Idk how I could ever believe her when she says I'm her world when I KNOW every chance she has had to shoot me over ANYONE else has always to make me the second option. But to leave is to leave everyone and everything and be a distance parent .
submitted by icedadx44 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I learned about my COPD shortly after my son's birth and switched careers in part became of that (welder to teacher). WThe same doctor visit the doctor told me I should also look into living somewhere else due to accute allergies to grain dust and the nature of COPD. Each time I have a flair up my lungs get slightly more damaged, making the next flair up more often and more obstructive.
We lived in rural Kansas at the time. We finally moved to a different farm community in Kansas, despite my pleas to move somewhere good for me, in 21 due to her desire to go back to school. She failed out of school and we ended up having to leave our house we thought we were going to buy and ended up moving close to her sister in Nebraska. Again I asked to find somewhere else where it would be better for my lungs, but understood that we were in a dire situation and needed to find a home. We moved again in the same home and used the last of our savings to get out of our old lease and I to our new one beciae she didn't like our apartment and wanted to move into a duplex that opened up.
We are maxed out money wise, there is no hope of improvement here in that regards. She says the kids are happy because they have friends and she doesn't want to uproot them again. I am currently in the middle of a flair up... I feel like there are daggers in my chest and I asked her again if we could go and she said no... so I got angry and told her I was going wothout her . We separated, I got angry, she didn't want me and chose her familyover me. I started looking for distractions joined all kinds of Facebook pages and ended up liking a photo of another woman and commented on her eyes. My wife seen these and broke down. I went out to a bar with a friend because we never go on dates and I wanted to go out. My wife asked of I cheated, I did not. We argued back and forth, I cried for days. She doesn't think moving would help, she said she is scared we would end up homeless despite the relocation adding money to our pockets.
All of my family told me I'm being selfish, all of her family telling her I'm wrong. While I cry because all of thisnis happening because it hurts to breath and it's going to keep getting worse and now my choices are to lose my kids and try and find somewhere that isn't literally sucking the life from me or stay with a woman that I love but feel doesn't love me... or at least not enough to choose me. I asked to end the separation because I'm afraid I will end up killing myself if I have to live wothout them. Therapy hasn't helped, every argument and disagreement we have stems from this fear that she doesn't really love me that I'm just the safe choice. But I feel stuck because I will lose my whole world if I try to go for me. So I'm sitting here feeling depressed feeling like shit because my chest burns and she still gets everything she wants and I'm happy she is happy but idk how I could ever believe her when she tells me she loves me. Idk how I could ever believe her when she says I'm her world when I KNOW every chance she has had to shoot me over ANYONE else has always to make me the second option. But to leave is to leave everyone and everything and be a distance parent .
2024.05.15 17:52 Mystic_Diamond Jane Seymour has the reputation of being the wife Henry VIII loved the most but do you think she genuinely loved him back?
In my opinion, Henry VIII basically believed he was in love with all of his wives except for Anne of Cleves (the one marriage made purely for political purposes). His brand of "love" is the furthest thing from what we would call "healthy" or "unconditional" but however you want to define his feelings for the women he purposefully chose to marry, HE believed it was love and he was a deluded romantic like that. At the same time, I also think his love for Jane Seymour more so sprouted from all the right coincidences falling into place. Had his marriage with Anne Boleyn turned out the way he hoped, he might've only indulged in a passing attraction to Jane or not noticed her at all. Had Jane died giving birth to another girl, Henry might've never bothered to remember her fondly and regarded her as a failure like Katherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn. As a result, I don't like the popular belief that she was his "true love" because he probably would've fell out of love with her if she disappointed him as much as the other wives did.
What's worse, people never talk about Jane's feelings for Henry regarding her position as his "favorite wife." Considering Katherine of Aragon's final recorded words about Henry, it's safe to assume that she truly loved him despite everything he did to her and I think there's evidence that Anne Boleyn might've loved Henry at some point too (yes, I agree that what he did to her amounts to stalking in the modern day but according to courtly love traditions, Henry's behavior would've been seen as romantic and unfortunately, being a smart woman doesn't protect you from falling for men with huge red flags). The last three wives's feelings towards Henry are way more likely to be pragmatic in nature, considering Henry's monstrousness was on full display at that point. But as likely as Henry's feelings for Jane were real (as real as they can get for him), what do you think Jane's feelings for Henry likely were? While we have Katherine of Aragon's final letter to Henry and Henry's love letters to Anne Boleyn, I think the only evidence we have of Henry and Jane's love is the stuff that Henry had made after Jane died, the painting of her with his children and their shared tomb.
In my opinion, I think it's much less likely that Jane had real feelings for Henry than Anne did. People forget that Jane was a part of an ambitious family too and while we'll never know how much of an enthusiastic participant she was in it, Jane also clearly had a strong faith in the Catholic Church and wanted the monasteries restored. She probably saw being Queen of England as a way to fulfill her personal goals for the country (though she failed to do so, whether out of fear for her life or a plan to play the long game combined with an unfortunate early death). Of course, I don't advocate for the position that Jane was a scheming heartless bitch because it lowkey feels like a vindictive way to stick Anne Boleyn's bad reputation onto Jane's "boring good girl" image. Trust me, I'm an Anne Boleyn fangirl for life but smearing Jane's reputation feels hypocritical and wrong. I prefer to think of Jane as an ordinary young woman like Catherine Howard, who would've happily lived a normal life if her family wasn't so close to politics.
I think in a world where Katherine of Aragon's sons lived, England never broke with the Church, and Henry still felt the need to whore around like he does and happens to still fall for Jane, Jane would've rejected his advances and meant it. It's almost ironically funny that Jane gets cast in a romantic light the most out of Henry's wives when we really don't know whether she really cared for romance that much. Katherine of Aragon and Henry were well-known as a love match before everything fell apart and Anne Boleyn fought hard to get with Henry Percy before Wolsey put an end to it. Catherine Parr fell for Thomas Seymour (AKA, my example that being a smart woman doesn't prevent you from falling for red flags) and Catherine Howard might've (emphasis on "might've") genuinely loved Thomas Culpeper. Meanwhile, we don't know anything about Jane's love life beyond a failed engagement before she met Henry and everything memorialized Henry's passion for her was made after her death. So who knows what Jane felt about the guy while she was actually alive? Who knows if she would've genuinely been flattered by the way Henry remembered her? Who knows if she was a romantic person at all or just a woman who wanted England to remain faithful to Rome?
What do you guys think?
submitted by Mystic_Diamond to Tudorhistory [link] [comments]
What's worse, people never talk about Jane's feelings for Henry regarding her position as his "favorite wife." Considering Katherine of Aragon's final recorded words about Henry, it's safe to assume that she truly loved him despite everything he did to her and I think there's evidence that Anne Boleyn might've loved Henry at some point too (yes, I agree that what he did to her amounts to stalking in the modern day but according to courtly love traditions, Henry's behavior would've been seen as romantic and unfortunately, being a smart woman doesn't protect you from falling for men with huge red flags). The last three wives's feelings towards Henry are way more likely to be pragmatic in nature, considering Henry's monstrousness was on full display at that point. But as likely as Henry's feelings for Jane were real (as real as they can get for him), what do you think Jane's feelings for Henry likely were? While we have Katherine of Aragon's final letter to Henry and Henry's love letters to Anne Boleyn, I think the only evidence we have of Henry and Jane's love is the stuff that Henry had made after Jane died, the painting of her with his children and their shared tomb.
In my opinion, I think it's much less likely that Jane had real feelings for Henry than Anne did. People forget that Jane was a part of an ambitious family too and while we'll never know how much of an enthusiastic participant she was in it, Jane also clearly had a strong faith in the Catholic Church and wanted the monasteries restored. She probably saw being Queen of England as a way to fulfill her personal goals for the country (though she failed to do so, whether out of fear for her life or a plan to play the long game combined with an unfortunate early death). Of course, I don't advocate for the position that Jane was a scheming heartless bitch because it lowkey feels like a vindictive way to stick Anne Boleyn's bad reputation onto Jane's "boring good girl" image. Trust me, I'm an Anne Boleyn fangirl for life but smearing Jane's reputation feels hypocritical and wrong. I prefer to think of Jane as an ordinary young woman like Catherine Howard, who would've happily lived a normal life if her family wasn't so close to politics.
I think in a world where Katherine of Aragon's sons lived, England never broke with the Church, and Henry still felt the need to whore around like he does and happens to still fall for Jane, Jane would've rejected his advances and meant it. It's almost ironically funny that Jane gets cast in a romantic light the most out of Henry's wives when we really don't know whether she really cared for romance that much. Katherine of Aragon and Henry were well-known as a love match before everything fell apart and Anne Boleyn fought hard to get with Henry Percy before Wolsey put an end to it. Catherine Parr fell for Thomas Seymour (AKA, my example that being a smart woman doesn't prevent you from falling for red flags) and Catherine Howard might've (emphasis on "might've") genuinely loved Thomas Culpeper. Meanwhile, we don't know anything about Jane's love life beyond a failed engagement before she met Henry and everything memorialized Henry's passion for her was made after her death. So who knows what Jane felt about the guy while she was actually alive? Who knows if she would've genuinely been flattered by the way Henry remembered her? Who knows if she was a romantic person at all or just a woman who wanted England to remain faithful to Rome?
What do you guys think?
2024.05.15 17:39 wigglebutt1721 "How long does it take to make a f@$%ing ice cream cone???"
Today's tale takes place in a Quik Trip gas station. For those who aren't in the region, QT is a phenomenal Midwest gas station chain that has a kitchen where you can get hot made-to-order sandwiches, pretzels, personal pizzas, as well as ice creams, shakes, and coffee drinks.
It was around 7-8pm on summer weeknight a couple years ago. QT is busy like it always is during normal waking hours. I order my dinner at the kitchen kiosk, collect the rest of my purchase, check out, and return to the semi-queue by the kitchen pickup counter where 5 or 6 other people are waiting for their orders. There's only one young lady making kitchen orders, this girl was probably 18-19, and she was BUSTING HER ASS. She's getting orders out, her hands are like lightning as she builds pizzas and sammies, never moving slower than a jog.
Then the front door slams open, and here comes the Boomer.
"Fine!" He yells. "Go order your ice cream!"
"Thanks, grandpa!" The teenage girl with him runs to the order kiosk.
Boomer is literally only wearing a pair of jeans. No shirt, no shoes, not even socks, just a pair of jeans and his bare grubby toes. He gets a case of beer from the cooler, meets teenage girl at checkout, and immediately marches over to the kitchen pickup counter. It has been less than 45 seconds since he entered the store, and he is already out of patience.
"Hey!" He yells at the girl who's working, slamming his hand on the counter. "How long does it take to make a fucking ice cream cone??"
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" The girl replies. She looks to her order screen in a panic, she thinks she missed an order. She hesitates, frowns.
(I'm a waitress, I had been paying attention, and I knew this girl was about to have to politely and sweetly explain that it would be a few minutes and then stand there and smile while he kept yelling at her, so I decided to speak up.)
"Hey pal," I interject. "Everyone here is in front of you in line, we've all been waiting since before you got here."
Boomer turns around looking like he's about to hit me. He sizes me up, puffs out his chest, his hands ball into fists, and for a moment I wonder if this man is crazy enough to punch a woman that's a head taller than him in front of a dozen witnesses.
Thankfully we didn't have to find out because the men that were in line with me just started roasting this guy.
"You're not even wearing a shirt! Disrespectful." One guy says.
"He's not wearing shoes either." Another points out, wrinkling his nose.
"Can't read, bro? Didn't see the sign that says "no shirt, no shoes, no service"?"
"That girl must be so embarrassed, do you think he always acts like this?"
"That generation, man, just disgraceful."
Boomer turns bright red and backs up, the comments quiet as we go back to playing on our phones, and this man starts whimpering. His eyes are all big and shiny, lower lip trembling, mouth gaping open like a fish every time he takes a breath.
"My shoes are in the truck." "Didn't think it'd be a big deal." "Can't believe this." "Have to wait for ice cream."
The teenager with him is nervously looking around at us while she whispers "I know grandpa." "No I'm not embarrassed." "I know."
Finally the girl he yelled at took pity on him and made the ice cream cone so he could do his shirtless shoeless walk of shame as we all "tsk'd" and "hmm'd" and gave him judgy looks.
submitted by wigglebutt1721 to BoomersBeingFools [link] [comments]
It was around 7-8pm on summer weeknight a couple years ago. QT is busy like it always is during normal waking hours. I order my dinner at the kitchen kiosk, collect the rest of my purchase, check out, and return to the semi-queue by the kitchen pickup counter where 5 or 6 other people are waiting for their orders. There's only one young lady making kitchen orders, this girl was probably 18-19, and she was BUSTING HER ASS. She's getting orders out, her hands are like lightning as she builds pizzas and sammies, never moving slower than a jog.
Then the front door slams open, and here comes the Boomer.
"Fine!" He yells. "Go order your ice cream!"
"Thanks, grandpa!" The teenage girl with him runs to the order kiosk.
Boomer is literally only wearing a pair of jeans. No shirt, no shoes, not even socks, just a pair of jeans and his bare grubby toes. He gets a case of beer from the cooler, meets teenage girl at checkout, and immediately marches over to the kitchen pickup counter. It has been less than 45 seconds since he entered the store, and he is already out of patience.
"Hey!" He yells at the girl who's working, slamming his hand on the counter. "How long does it take to make a fucking ice cream cone??"
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" The girl replies. She looks to her order screen in a panic, she thinks she missed an order. She hesitates, frowns.
(I'm a waitress, I had been paying attention, and I knew this girl was about to have to politely and sweetly explain that it would be a few minutes and then stand there and smile while he kept yelling at her, so I decided to speak up.)
"Hey pal," I interject. "Everyone here is in front of you in line, we've all been waiting since before you got here."
Boomer turns around looking like he's about to hit me. He sizes me up, puffs out his chest, his hands ball into fists, and for a moment I wonder if this man is crazy enough to punch a woman that's a head taller than him in front of a dozen witnesses.
Thankfully we didn't have to find out because the men that were in line with me just started roasting this guy.
"You're not even wearing a shirt! Disrespectful." One guy says.
"He's not wearing shoes either." Another points out, wrinkling his nose.
"Can't read, bro? Didn't see the sign that says "no shirt, no shoes, no service"?"
"That girl must be so embarrassed, do you think he always acts like this?"
"That generation, man, just disgraceful."
Boomer turns bright red and backs up, the comments quiet as we go back to playing on our phones, and this man starts whimpering. His eyes are all big and shiny, lower lip trembling, mouth gaping open like a fish every time he takes a breath.
"My shoes are in the truck." "Didn't think it'd be a big deal." "Can't believe this." "Have to wait for ice cream."
The teenager with him is nervously looking around at us while she whispers "I know grandpa." "No I'm not embarrassed." "I know."
Finally the girl he yelled at took pity on him and made the ice cream cone so he could do his shirtless shoeless walk of shame as we all "tsk'd" and "hmm'd" and gave him judgy looks.
2024.05.15 17:35 streetcornerbuns [26M, 26F] 2 year relationship, feel like my bf is losing interest. What to do?
Hi Reddit,
Been in a 2 year long distance relationship. We see each other regularly (once a month or so, usually to do something exciting). We almost broke up earlier this year because of manor miscommunication. In short, I was being a bit codependent in my partner and he felt suffocated and uncertain whether he could give me what I needed in a relationship, especially as his career was picking up. We've discussed through this and have made appropriate changes, resulting in a satisfactory frequency of contsct for both of us.
Since then, he's surprised me by flying in for my birthday, I'm about to meet his dad he hasn't seen in years himself (dad lives in another continent). He's very generously invited me to several expensive concerts. We have regular online dates.
But I feel unfulfilled. I get the impression he is treating me more and more casually - fewer I Love Yous, fewer compliments. I often engage with his hobbies - ask about them, listen to the music he sends me. But I feel like this isn't being reciprocated - just yesterday, I went to the cinema and was telling him about the movie I saw and his only answer was "that's awesome love, I'm happy for you." He hasn't listened to the music I sent him in the last few months - and if he has, I haven't heard anything of it.
This has led me to wonder if he is still interested in me. Clearly, he is interested in doing things with me, but I'm not so sure if it is with me specifically, or a generic girlfriend. I often feel like we are living in his world (he also makes 3-4x my salary) and like mine is being neglected.
I understand this may be another major miscommunication. I would really like to bring it up to him and get his thoughts/feedback and see if we can't compromise. But at the same time, I don't know if right now is the right time? Our relationship has been under significant strain from the almost break up and I believe he may have compassion fatigue (my impression and based on a few things he has told me). It's leading me to wonder if I should wait a few months, have the dust settle, have a few happy visits, and then broach it. At the same time, the emotional dissatisfaction on my side is such that I am starting to wonder if this is the right relationship for me.
Has anyone been in this situation before? How did you broach your partner potentially losing interest in you?
Tldr: in a 2year ldr that was recently on rocky terrain. Partner is still putting effort and upping commitment but at the same time, I get the impression he is increasingly disinterested in me. I feel like a placeholder girlfriend. Don't know if the relationship is still too fragile to bring this up right now, or if I should wait for a bit for the dust to settle.
submitted by streetcornerbuns to LongDistance [link] [comments]
Been in a 2 year long distance relationship. We see each other regularly (once a month or so, usually to do something exciting). We almost broke up earlier this year because of manor miscommunication. In short, I was being a bit codependent in my partner and he felt suffocated and uncertain whether he could give me what I needed in a relationship, especially as his career was picking up. We've discussed through this and have made appropriate changes, resulting in a satisfactory frequency of contsct for both of us.
Since then, he's surprised me by flying in for my birthday, I'm about to meet his dad he hasn't seen in years himself (dad lives in another continent). He's very generously invited me to several expensive concerts. We have regular online dates.
But I feel unfulfilled. I get the impression he is treating me more and more casually - fewer I Love Yous, fewer compliments. I often engage with his hobbies - ask about them, listen to the music he sends me. But I feel like this isn't being reciprocated - just yesterday, I went to the cinema and was telling him about the movie I saw and his only answer was "that's awesome love, I'm happy for you." He hasn't listened to the music I sent him in the last few months - and if he has, I haven't heard anything of it.
This has led me to wonder if he is still interested in me. Clearly, he is interested in doing things with me, but I'm not so sure if it is with me specifically, or a generic girlfriend. I often feel like we are living in his world (he also makes 3-4x my salary) and like mine is being neglected.
I understand this may be another major miscommunication. I would really like to bring it up to him and get his thoughts/feedback and see if we can't compromise. But at the same time, I don't know if right now is the right time? Our relationship has been under significant strain from the almost break up and I believe he may have compassion fatigue (my impression and based on a few things he has told me). It's leading me to wonder if I should wait a few months, have the dust settle, have a few happy visits, and then broach it. At the same time, the emotional dissatisfaction on my side is such that I am starting to wonder if this is the right relationship for me.
Has anyone been in this situation before? How did you broach your partner potentially losing interest in you?
Tldr: in a 2year ldr that was recently on rocky terrain. Partner is still putting effort and upping commitment but at the same time, I get the impression he is increasingly disinterested in me. I feel like a placeholder girlfriend. Don't know if the relationship is still too fragile to bring this up right now, or if I should wait for a bit for the dust to settle.
2024.05.15 17:33 streetcornerbuns [26M, 26F] 2 year relationship, feel like my bf is losing interest. What to do?
Hi Reddit,
Been in a 2 year long distance relationship. We see each other regularly (once a month or so, usually to do something exciting). We almost broke up earlier this year because of manor miscommunication. In short, I was being a bit codependent in my partner and he felt suffocated and uncertain whether he could give me what I needed in a relationship, especially as his career was picking up. We've discussed through this and have made appropriate changes, resulting in a satisfactory frequency of contsct for both of us.
Since then, he's surprised me by flying in for my birthday, I'm about to meet his dad he hasn't seen in years himself (dad lives in another continent). He's very generously invited me to several expensive concerts. We have regular online dates.
But I feel unfulfilled. I get the impression he is treating me more and more casually - fewer I Love Yous, fewer compliments. I often engage with his hobbies - ask about them, listen to the music he sends me. But I feel like this isn't being reciprocated - just yesterday, I went to the cinema and was telling him about the movie I saw and his only answer was "that's awesome love, I'm happy for you." He hasn't listened to the music I sent him in the last few months - and if he has, I haven't heard anything of it.
This has led me to wonder if he is still interested in me. Clearly, he is interested in doing things with me, but I'm not so sure if it is with me specifically, or a generic girlfriend. I often feel like we are living in his world (he also makes 3-4x my salary) and like mine is being neglected.
I understand this may be another major miscommunication. I would really like to bring it up to him and get his thoughts/feedback and see if we can't compromise. But at the same time, I don't know if right now is the right time? Our relationship has been under significant strain from the almost break up and I believe he may have compassion fatigue (my impression and based on a few things he has told me). It's leading me to wonder if I should wait a few months, have the dust settle, have a few happy visits, and then broach it. At the same time, the emotional dissatisfaction on my side is such that I am starting to wonder if this is the right relationship for me.
Has anyone been in this situation before? How did you broach your partner potentially losing interest in you?
Tldr: in a 2year ldr that was recently on rocky terrain. Partner is still putting effort and upping commitment but at the same time, I get the impression he is increasingly disinterested in me. I feel like a placeholder girlfriend. Don't know if the relationship is still too fragile to bring this up right now, or if I should wait for a bit for the dust to settle.
submitted by streetcornerbuns to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Been in a 2 year long distance relationship. We see each other regularly (once a month or so, usually to do something exciting). We almost broke up earlier this year because of manor miscommunication. In short, I was being a bit codependent in my partner and he felt suffocated and uncertain whether he could give me what I needed in a relationship, especially as his career was picking up. We've discussed through this and have made appropriate changes, resulting in a satisfactory frequency of contsct for both of us.
Since then, he's surprised me by flying in for my birthday, I'm about to meet his dad he hasn't seen in years himself (dad lives in another continent). He's very generously invited me to several expensive concerts. We have regular online dates.
But I feel unfulfilled. I get the impression he is treating me more and more casually - fewer I Love Yous, fewer compliments. I often engage with his hobbies - ask about them, listen to the music he sends me. But I feel like this isn't being reciprocated - just yesterday, I went to the cinema and was telling him about the movie I saw and his only answer was "that's awesome love, I'm happy for you." He hasn't listened to the music I sent him in the last few months - and if he has, I haven't heard anything of it.
This has led me to wonder if he is still interested in me. Clearly, he is interested in doing things with me, but I'm not so sure if it is with me specifically, or a generic girlfriend. I often feel like we are living in his world (he also makes 3-4x my salary) and like mine is being neglected.
I understand this may be another major miscommunication. I would really like to bring it up to him and get his thoughts/feedback and see if we can't compromise. But at the same time, I don't know if right now is the right time? Our relationship has been under significant strain from the almost break up and I believe he may have compassion fatigue (my impression and based on a few things he has told me). It's leading me to wonder if I should wait a few months, have the dust settle, have a few happy visits, and then broach it. At the same time, the emotional dissatisfaction on my side is such that I am starting to wonder if this is the right relationship for me.
Has anyone been in this situation before? How did you broach your partner potentially losing interest in you?
Tldr: in a 2year ldr that was recently on rocky terrain. Partner is still putting effort and upping commitment but at the same time, I get the impression he is increasingly disinterested in me. I feel like a placeholder girlfriend. Don't know if the relationship is still too fragile to bring this up right now, or if I should wait for a bit for the dust to settle.
2024.05.15 17:30 Own-Ad-558 Exes girlfriend causing problems. Need advice
Me (39F) and my ex husband (39M) divorced a few years ago. We have three kids together.
I will admit that the divorce was due to my infidelity. I was in an almost 2 year relationship with someone i thought i was in love with. My ex husband found out and confronted me, i was tired of living a lie, and i confessed which i think he should have given me some credit for. I did not try to lie, and also told him it was not the first time i had had an affair because i wanted to be honest with him. I ended up leaving the house for two weeks and went to visit my cousin in another state. After a couple of weeks, he asked if i wanted to try couples counseling. He didnt want the family split up and deal with disrupting their lives, the kids were all teenagers and would be adults soon, could we wait until they were 18. I told him no, i had made my choice. To be fair, we had been living seperate lives for about 5 years prior to the divorce (seperate bedrooms, didnt eat dinner together, totally seperate lives). So it wasnt like we both didnt see this coming but he was still pretty upset.
He was very amicable during the divorce, but I do have regrets. The man i was seeing didnt end up leaving his wife, and in my affair fog (and guilt) i gave my ex husband everything. The house, car, didnt ask for alimony, didnt request child support, just that he pay the expenses for our kids extra curriculars. I do regret not asking for child support because i am now trying to support myself and kids with only my income.
Anyway, during most of my divorce my ex was fine. We had a shared birthday party, i was allowed to come to the house whenever i wanted. It was great.
My ex husband met someone a couple of weeks before our divorce was finalized, so we were still married. She didnt reach out to try and meet me so i found her at a basketball game and introduced myself. She smiled and said hi and told me her name and then returned to her conversation. Completely ignoring me which I felt was disrespectful. I let it go.
Immediately after our divorce was finalized my ex shut down. He stopped running to grab things for me when i needed them (prior to this hed run and grab me stuff for work if i couldnt leave). He stopped responding to my friendly texts, wouldnt help me move when i was moving to a new apartment from my old one, I showed up to the house at one point and he text me after that he doesnt want me in his house anymore (it was my house for almost 15 years and my kids live there half the month). I truly felt like this was his new girlfriend, because everything was fine up until she showed up in the picture.
A few months later I find out she has kids. I was extremely upset because i was not told any of this about her. I knew nothing about her at all from him. On top of that, i found out she is not the primary parent. Her kids live with their dad 80% of the year apparently. I admit i did react harshly (as any parent would do when they find out this info) and texted my ex that i was very upset as he never told me she had kids and i did tell him that due to her custody arrangement i was concerned she was a child abuser and i told him i would like sole custody of our children and would be contacting an attorney. I did this, but a background check on her came up clean so i did not proceed (im still not convinced on this because just because she didnt get caught doesnt mean it didnt happen) but after that things got sour. I tried explaining that I was only concerned about my kids but he didn’t care.
A year goes by and one of my friends said she had seen her and she looks pregnant. Turns out this genius accidentally knocked her up. I texted him and asked if they were expecting and he said yes. I did fly off the handle because I was not told this by him. I had to find out through the grapevine. I was humiliated because i had no idea. They had a huge gender reveal with all of my kids and her kids and were actually celebrating this. So my kids are being taught that getting someone pregnant after a year is acceptable. I understand accidents happen but it should be presented that way and not with a party with my kids present.
At this point im concerned for my kids safety, but i figured it was the first relationship post divorce and he would probably leave her soon enough anyway. But now shes went and got pregnant so shes going to be around my kids permanently. I told him again i wanted her away from my kids because she could be dangerous and i know nothing about her and she has not even attempted to get to know me to make me feel more comfortable. i told him those concerns that she doesnt want to get to know me and obviously has cast judgement on me for my past. That is the only reason i could think that she wouldnt try to get to know me or respect me enough to talk to me in public. I also told him my concerns that everything was fine in our coparenting relationship until he met her.
My ex told me “she hasnt judged you. She is offended because you have repeatedly called her a child abuser and have told people that she is dangerous to be around children. Some of the kids friends wont even come over to our house anymore and youve humiliated her. The custody arrangement she has is because her ex moved away while she was in PA school and she knew she couldn’t give them the life they would have with their dad during that time. A child abuser would not be getting their kids every summer and every holiday. You also get upset and tell me she doesn’t care about our kids because she wont drive them to school. Shes too scared to be alone around them because of your accusations, and shes also tried to not make the situation worse by stepping on your toes”.
I am frustrated because he doesnt seem to understand where i am coming from. ANY mother would be concerned about this given her custody arrangement and i am being treated like im a monster by him. I have a right as a mother to know who is around my kids.
Im frustrated because i see pictures of them taking just her kids to the childrens zoo. I confronted him on this and he said he didnt think our teenagers would want to go to a petting zoo, so he took them during my custody time, but next time would invite all the kids.
Its been a few years now, theyre still together, and i feel like she has started majorly overstepping. She sent me a message with concerns about my daughters mental health and told me that i should try talking to her when she goes back home because she was “concerned”. This is the only time shes ever initiated contact with me and its about my kids (i dont need his girlfriend contacting me about my kids, he needs to). At the time i didnt see any issue with my daughters mental health so i ignored it. A few months later, i get the same thing. That shes “genuinely concerned” about her mental health as my daughter seems to be depressed, shes torn the house apart, and some of the little things she says are indicating she might be depressed and it is “presenting as anger”. At the time i thought my daughter just had severe anger problems and i didn’t need some random girl messaging me about MY children. I flipped out and threatened to sue her if she contacted me again because at this point two texts about the same thing was excessive and I felt harassed. My daughter ultimately did get diagnosed with major depressive disorder and is on medication now and is doing well, after her guidance counselor reached out to me (which is who it should have come from to begin with, or her dad, but not the girl my ex husband is playing house with).
Theyre now engaged, and i still feel like he cares way more about the child they had together (and her kids) than the children we share together. Ive talked to my kids about moving in with me full time and told them they do not deserve the way their dad is treating them and acting as if he replaced them. They said no, they like the arrangement theyve had over the years and he coaches their sports teams so that would be weird anyway. I agreed with that and let it go.
I just want to know if anyone else has ever been in my shoes or advice on how to move foreward. I want my coparenting relationship back, but no matter how friendly i am to my ex he sends me one word answers. Never responds to my “how are you” texts. Only responds to me if its about the kids (and sometimes will respond to them about the texts i send. If one of the kids needs money he sends it directly to them and doesnt even acknowledge my text message). I do feel like he is being coached by his fiance and that she has turned him against me, and with her in the picture for the foreseeable future i am worried it will never change. Its clear she does not like me and i think shes making him hate me too and i dont know how to move foreward. All of my divorced friends seem to have great coparenting relationships and this whole thing is so embarassing that i just tell them my ex and i are still best friends but with the way im treated in public at the kids games it feels like they probably know that isnt true. They arent rude to me but just act as if i do not exist. At one point my ex pinned all of this on me, stating that my affair broke any friendship that we could have potentially had after the divorce and that there was no chance of his girlfriend ever forgiving me after the “slander” I committed (i didnt, i just expressed my concerns to him and a few of the parents on my kids teams).
I just want to know how to mend things with my ex. If i had known things would get this bad i would have just stuck it out for another few years.
To make things worse, they sold the house that i let my ex keep in the divorce and it had appreciated a lot. He didnt give me a single dime but they did buy a nice new house and she just got a brand new car. My friends all feel bad for me because they dont feel like i deserve this, im living in my friends rental home and sharing a car with my 17 year old because mine broke down. Not a dime of child support. But him and his fiance dont seem to care at all. And im starting to feel like she encouraged him to keep playing nice until the divorce was signed and he got every asset we shared together.
submitted by Own-Ad-558 to Advice [link] [comments]
I will admit that the divorce was due to my infidelity. I was in an almost 2 year relationship with someone i thought i was in love with. My ex husband found out and confronted me, i was tired of living a lie, and i confessed which i think he should have given me some credit for. I did not try to lie, and also told him it was not the first time i had had an affair because i wanted to be honest with him. I ended up leaving the house for two weeks and went to visit my cousin in another state. After a couple of weeks, he asked if i wanted to try couples counseling. He didnt want the family split up and deal with disrupting their lives, the kids were all teenagers and would be adults soon, could we wait until they were 18. I told him no, i had made my choice. To be fair, we had been living seperate lives for about 5 years prior to the divorce (seperate bedrooms, didnt eat dinner together, totally seperate lives). So it wasnt like we both didnt see this coming but he was still pretty upset.
He was very amicable during the divorce, but I do have regrets. The man i was seeing didnt end up leaving his wife, and in my affair fog (and guilt) i gave my ex husband everything. The house, car, didnt ask for alimony, didnt request child support, just that he pay the expenses for our kids extra curriculars. I do regret not asking for child support because i am now trying to support myself and kids with only my income.
Anyway, during most of my divorce my ex was fine. We had a shared birthday party, i was allowed to come to the house whenever i wanted. It was great.
My ex husband met someone a couple of weeks before our divorce was finalized, so we were still married. She didnt reach out to try and meet me so i found her at a basketball game and introduced myself. She smiled and said hi and told me her name and then returned to her conversation. Completely ignoring me which I felt was disrespectful. I let it go.
Immediately after our divorce was finalized my ex shut down. He stopped running to grab things for me when i needed them (prior to this hed run and grab me stuff for work if i couldnt leave). He stopped responding to my friendly texts, wouldnt help me move when i was moving to a new apartment from my old one, I showed up to the house at one point and he text me after that he doesnt want me in his house anymore (it was my house for almost 15 years and my kids live there half the month). I truly felt like this was his new girlfriend, because everything was fine up until she showed up in the picture.
A few months later I find out she has kids. I was extremely upset because i was not told any of this about her. I knew nothing about her at all from him. On top of that, i found out she is not the primary parent. Her kids live with their dad 80% of the year apparently. I admit i did react harshly (as any parent would do when they find out this info) and texted my ex that i was very upset as he never told me she had kids and i did tell him that due to her custody arrangement i was concerned she was a child abuser and i told him i would like sole custody of our children and would be contacting an attorney. I did this, but a background check on her came up clean so i did not proceed (im still not convinced on this because just because she didnt get caught doesnt mean it didnt happen) but after that things got sour. I tried explaining that I was only concerned about my kids but he didn’t care.
A year goes by and one of my friends said she had seen her and she looks pregnant. Turns out this genius accidentally knocked her up. I texted him and asked if they were expecting and he said yes. I did fly off the handle because I was not told this by him. I had to find out through the grapevine. I was humiliated because i had no idea. They had a huge gender reveal with all of my kids and her kids and were actually celebrating this. So my kids are being taught that getting someone pregnant after a year is acceptable. I understand accidents happen but it should be presented that way and not with a party with my kids present.
At this point im concerned for my kids safety, but i figured it was the first relationship post divorce and he would probably leave her soon enough anyway. But now shes went and got pregnant so shes going to be around my kids permanently. I told him again i wanted her away from my kids because she could be dangerous and i know nothing about her and she has not even attempted to get to know me to make me feel more comfortable. i told him those concerns that she doesnt want to get to know me and obviously has cast judgement on me for my past. That is the only reason i could think that she wouldnt try to get to know me or respect me enough to talk to me in public. I also told him my concerns that everything was fine in our coparenting relationship until he met her.
My ex told me “she hasnt judged you. She is offended because you have repeatedly called her a child abuser and have told people that she is dangerous to be around children. Some of the kids friends wont even come over to our house anymore and youve humiliated her. The custody arrangement she has is because her ex moved away while she was in PA school and she knew she couldn’t give them the life they would have with their dad during that time. A child abuser would not be getting their kids every summer and every holiday. You also get upset and tell me she doesn’t care about our kids because she wont drive them to school. Shes too scared to be alone around them because of your accusations, and shes also tried to not make the situation worse by stepping on your toes”.
I am frustrated because he doesnt seem to understand where i am coming from. ANY mother would be concerned about this given her custody arrangement and i am being treated like im a monster by him. I have a right as a mother to know who is around my kids.
Im frustrated because i see pictures of them taking just her kids to the childrens zoo. I confronted him on this and he said he didnt think our teenagers would want to go to a petting zoo, so he took them during my custody time, but next time would invite all the kids.
Its been a few years now, theyre still together, and i feel like she has started majorly overstepping. She sent me a message with concerns about my daughters mental health and told me that i should try talking to her when she goes back home because she was “concerned”. This is the only time shes ever initiated contact with me and its about my kids (i dont need his girlfriend contacting me about my kids, he needs to). At the time i didnt see any issue with my daughters mental health so i ignored it. A few months later, i get the same thing. That shes “genuinely concerned” about her mental health as my daughter seems to be depressed, shes torn the house apart, and some of the little things she says are indicating she might be depressed and it is “presenting as anger”. At the time i thought my daughter just had severe anger problems and i didn’t need some random girl messaging me about MY children. I flipped out and threatened to sue her if she contacted me again because at this point two texts about the same thing was excessive and I felt harassed. My daughter ultimately did get diagnosed with major depressive disorder and is on medication now and is doing well, after her guidance counselor reached out to me (which is who it should have come from to begin with, or her dad, but not the girl my ex husband is playing house with).
Theyre now engaged, and i still feel like he cares way more about the child they had together (and her kids) than the children we share together. Ive talked to my kids about moving in with me full time and told them they do not deserve the way their dad is treating them and acting as if he replaced them. They said no, they like the arrangement theyve had over the years and he coaches their sports teams so that would be weird anyway. I agreed with that and let it go.
I just want to know if anyone else has ever been in my shoes or advice on how to move foreward. I want my coparenting relationship back, but no matter how friendly i am to my ex he sends me one word answers. Never responds to my “how are you” texts. Only responds to me if its about the kids (and sometimes will respond to them about the texts i send. If one of the kids needs money he sends it directly to them and doesnt even acknowledge my text message). I do feel like he is being coached by his fiance and that she has turned him against me, and with her in the picture for the foreseeable future i am worried it will never change. Its clear she does not like me and i think shes making him hate me too and i dont know how to move foreward. All of my divorced friends seem to have great coparenting relationships and this whole thing is so embarassing that i just tell them my ex and i are still best friends but with the way im treated in public at the kids games it feels like they probably know that isnt true. They arent rude to me but just act as if i do not exist. At one point my ex pinned all of this on me, stating that my affair broke any friendship that we could have potentially had after the divorce and that there was no chance of his girlfriend ever forgiving me after the “slander” I committed (i didnt, i just expressed my concerns to him and a few of the parents on my kids teams).
I just want to know how to mend things with my ex. If i had known things would get this bad i would have just stuck it out for another few years.
To make things worse, they sold the house that i let my ex keep in the divorce and it had appreciated a lot. He didnt give me a single dime but they did buy a nice new house and she just got a brand new car. My friends all feel bad for me because they dont feel like i deserve this, im living in my friends rental home and sharing a car with my 17 year old because mine broke down. Not a dime of child support. But him and his fiance dont seem to care at all. And im starting to feel like she encouraged him to keep playing nice until the divorce was signed and he got every asset we shared together.
2024.05.15 17:23 nyuqqOFF I (29M) love my insecure GF (25F), but I don't know how to help her. Can this behavior change?
We've been together with my girlfriend for more than a year now and over the past few months it has become apparent that she is a very insecure type. There are reasons behind her low-self-esteem and its development. According to my girlfriend in a previous relationship she wasn't treated with respect, didn't feel important and didn't receive adequate love. She was cheated on at least once which led to her contracting a sexually transmitted disease on one occasion. Additionally comments were made about her physical attributes by her ex bf that she wasn’t feminine enough which ultimately led her to undergo plastic surgery.
I'll try to summarize some of the important events that have stemmed from her jealousy, insecurity, low self-esteem and overall, the thoughts swirling around these incidents.
Events
1.) After being together for half a year one evening we slept at my place and before going to bed we had dinner that I cooked. She noticed a long, light-colored, blondish piece of hair in my bed. When she asked whose it could be I calmly, jokingly said, "I don't know, probably sat on it somewhere." It seemed like her world collapsed and she didn't believe me. I explained to her that I work in a 500-person office, I attend university with thousands of people and I have three sisters - one of whom has the exact hair color she found - so there could be plenty of possibilities. I live in a small studio apartment where I throw washed clothes on the bed and hang them on a drying rack next to it.
2.) Three months later laying on the bed I was scrolling through my phone while she was behind me seemingly watching TV. The next day she questioned me via a voice message about who I was chatting with on Instagram. She saw what seemed like a new conversation, you know the kind where you still see the other person's profile picture in large size. I looked back at my chat history and I had such a chat with a male friend with whom I played music together in a bar. She told me it's a lie and she distinctly remembers that I was chatting with a girl, meaning I can't consider her crazy or hallucinating in this case. If I were to show her that there was no conversation with another girl, it's because I deleted it – she said.
3.) Two months later while I was cooking dinner she suddenly started crying from three meters away in my bed. It turned out she noticed that there were fewer condoms on the shelf than before and she saw it, then concluded that I must be cheating on her. As additional information it's worth noting that when we had been together for three months she started taking birth control pills, so only one condom from the pack had been used. The rest remained on my shelf, but I noticed they would expire sooner or later, so I gave some away for friends.
4.) A few weeks later it was my friend's (Tom) birthday. Four of us guys planned to go out for the night as I was invited to this scenario. On the day of the event Tom was chatting to a yet uninvited friend of his (Jake), who mentioned that they (Jake + his GF) were planning to go to the same venue, so he (Tom) invited them as well last minute to join four of us, who eventually brought his girlfriend as well. I didn't really enjoy the party, I sat in a chair, had a few drinks, then looked at vinyl records online and followed three old acquaintances on Instagram from the suggestions the social media platform gave me. One of them was a girl. At the club, I met a former female colleague, with whom I used to work in a shopping mall during college, so we exchanged a few words at the party, and since we weren't moving together at the party anymore, I said goodbye and wishing all the best to her on Instagram before I went home. She replied the same, to which I didn't respond at all. She got mad for days and the argument here was:
6.) The last incident was a few days ago when I bought delayed ejaculation gel, which she noticed and got veeery angry that I didn't tell her right away. I mentioned to her several times before that it would be nice to have a gel sometime in the future, so she can have orgasm more often in case I’m tired, mentally stressed from work and not in the mood. She also noted that since my friend's birthday I always take my phone with me to the restroom and for bathing. She bet it’s because of my former colleague I met and she finds it suspicious that I'm being secretive. Indeed, often the phone is with me and mostly in my pocket. She also pointed out that she thinks I don't use my phone in front of her as often anymore and this is surely deliberate. To be honest, since she imagined that I might be chatting with someone out of thin air, I wouldn't want to give any further opportunities for such nonsense. In summary, there hasn't been any effort on my part to deliberately use my phone less in her presence.
Extra information
+1.) Since the first and fourth event she started seeing a psychologist twice, but after the second run’s fifth occasion she decided it wouldn't help her and it's just a waste of money. We agreed that she needs to figure it out through reading books and maybe listening to podcasts about anxiety and I’ll do my best to assure that she is the most awesome and prettiest girl for me. After that no effort was made for months about this topic by her, so no books and no podcasts. A week ago we had an argument and she subscribed for an audiobook provider, but that’s it.
+2.) One morning, after we woke up she told me about her dream. She dreamt that I have two girlfriends besides her.
+3.) Her mother is also an extremely insecure woman. She covered her partner's shop window so that no other woman could see inside because she became jealous. She asked my girlfriend to call her partner from an unknown number and threaten him to confess that he cheated on her etc.
My thoughts
Is there a way for such a person to change? I fear that it would intensify later in case we move together or something. Perhaps I need to figure this out for myself, but I'm curious about others opinions as well.
We have a lot in common, but I just have the feeling that it might be a ticking bomb and I waste my time as getting closer to my thirties. I had to watch through how my entrepreneur father's life was destroyed by my mother (never had a job) once she felt existentially stable purely from the wealth my Father generated and took more 70% of it.
submitted by nyuqqOFF to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I'll try to summarize some of the important events that have stemmed from her jealousy, insecurity, low self-esteem and overall, the thoughts swirling around these incidents.
Events
1.) After being together for half a year one evening we slept at my place and before going to bed we had dinner that I cooked. She noticed a long, light-colored, blondish piece of hair in my bed. When she asked whose it could be I calmly, jokingly said, "I don't know, probably sat on it somewhere." It seemed like her world collapsed and she didn't believe me. I explained to her that I work in a 500-person office, I attend university with thousands of people and I have three sisters - one of whom has the exact hair color she found - so there could be plenty of possibilities. I live in a small studio apartment where I throw washed clothes on the bed and hang them on a drying rack next to it.
2.) Three months later laying on the bed I was scrolling through my phone while she was behind me seemingly watching TV. The next day she questioned me via a voice message about who I was chatting with on Instagram. She saw what seemed like a new conversation, you know the kind where you still see the other person's profile picture in large size. I looked back at my chat history and I had such a chat with a male friend with whom I played music together in a bar. She told me it's a lie and she distinctly remembers that I was chatting with a girl, meaning I can't consider her crazy or hallucinating in this case. If I were to show her that there was no conversation with another girl, it's because I deleted it – she said.
3.) Two months later while I was cooking dinner she suddenly started crying from three meters away in my bed. It turned out she noticed that there were fewer condoms on the shelf than before and she saw it, then concluded that I must be cheating on her. As additional information it's worth noting that when we had been together for three months she started taking birth control pills, so only one condom from the pack had been used. The rest remained on my shelf, but I noticed they would expire sooner or later, so I gave some away for friends.
4.) A few weeks later it was my friend's (Tom) birthday. Four of us guys planned to go out for the night as I was invited to this scenario. On the day of the event Tom was chatting to a yet uninvited friend of his (Jake), who mentioned that they (Jake + his GF) were planning to go to the same venue, so he (Tom) invited them as well last minute to join four of us, who eventually brought his girlfriend as well. I didn't really enjoy the party, I sat in a chair, had a few drinks, then looked at vinyl records online and followed three old acquaintances on Instagram from the suggestions the social media platform gave me. One of them was a girl. At the club, I met a former female colleague, with whom I used to work in a shopping mall during college, so we exchanged a few words at the party, and since we weren't moving together at the party anymore, I said goodbye and wishing all the best to her on Instagram before I went home. She replied the same, to which I didn't respond at all. She got mad for days and the argument here was:
- why could that friend's girlfriend come, while she (gf) wasn’t invited.
- one morning she saw the conversation in the previous messages with my former colleague in the bottom of the chat history, whom I bumped into and exchanged a few words with at the party.
- it turned out she has an application that monitors my Instagram profile and saw that I followed that girl acquaintance. I agree that it was stupid and drinking alcohol is not an excuse.
6.) The last incident was a few days ago when I bought delayed ejaculation gel, which she noticed and got veeery angry that I didn't tell her right away. I mentioned to her several times before that it would be nice to have a gel sometime in the future, so she can have orgasm more often in case I’m tired, mentally stressed from work and not in the mood. She also noted that since my friend's birthday I always take my phone with me to the restroom and for bathing. She bet it’s because of my former colleague I met and she finds it suspicious that I'm being secretive. Indeed, often the phone is with me and mostly in my pocket. She also pointed out that she thinks I don't use my phone in front of her as often anymore and this is surely deliberate. To be honest, since she imagined that I might be chatting with someone out of thin air, I wouldn't want to give any further opportunities for such nonsense. In summary, there hasn't been any effort on my part to deliberately use my phone less in her presence.
Extra information
+1.) Since the first and fourth event she started seeing a psychologist twice, but after the second run’s fifth occasion she decided it wouldn't help her and it's just a waste of money. We agreed that she needs to figure it out through reading books and maybe listening to podcasts about anxiety and I’ll do my best to assure that she is the most awesome and prettiest girl for me. After that no effort was made for months about this topic by her, so no books and no podcasts. A week ago we had an argument and she subscribed for an audiobook provider, but that’s it.
+2.) One morning, after we woke up she told me about her dream. She dreamt that I have two girlfriends besides her.
+3.) Her mother is also an extremely insecure woman. She covered her partner's shop window so that no other woman could see inside because she became jealous. She asked my girlfriend to call her partner from an unknown number and threaten him to confess that he cheated on her etc.
My thoughts
Is there a way for such a person to change? I fear that it would intensify later in case we move together or something. Perhaps I need to figure this out for myself, but I'm curious about others opinions as well.
We have a lot in common, but I just have the feeling that it might be a ticking bomb and I waste my time as getting closer to my thirties. I had to watch through how my entrepreneur father's life was destroyed by my mother (never had a job) once she felt existentially stable purely from the wealth my Father generated and took more 70% of it.
2024.05.15 16:54 Extreme-Proposal8124 27 [M4F] I'll be straightforward
Hello there,
Have you been feeling tired of the way the world is moving and found yourself stuck in the same cycle?
About Me: - Recently created this account for a fresh start - Tired of meeting people who don't meet my standards - Single for over a year, moved on from past heartbreaks - Dated casually in the past, regret smoking and excessive drinking, but still vape occasionally
Interests and Personality: - Love my family and am a proud cat dad - Introvert but talkative in the right setting - Enjoy choosing outfits, reading novels, and giving advice - Active in church: serving, leading a group, and volunteering - Prefer spending Sundays at church - Former corporate worker, now running a small business
Physical Appearance: - Around 5'6" (maybe 5'5") - Often complimented on my eyes, voice, innocent face, and unique moreno complexion
Who I'm Looking For: - Born-again Christian woman - Values family and intellectual growth - Modest, confident, and values herself - Mature and knows how to handle different situations
Logistics: - Live near BGC, so it’s convenient if you work or live nearby - Interested in weekly or bi-weekly SFW dates to start
If this sounds like you, let's connect and see where it goes! 😊
submitted by Extreme-Proposal8124 to PhR4Dating [link] [comments]
Have you been feeling tired of the way the world is moving and found yourself stuck in the same cycle?
About Me: - Recently created this account for a fresh start - Tired of meeting people who don't meet my standards - Single for over a year, moved on from past heartbreaks - Dated casually in the past, regret smoking and excessive drinking, but still vape occasionally
Interests and Personality: - Love my family and am a proud cat dad - Introvert but talkative in the right setting - Enjoy choosing outfits, reading novels, and giving advice - Active in church: serving, leading a group, and volunteering - Prefer spending Sundays at church - Former corporate worker, now running a small business
Physical Appearance: - Around 5'6" (maybe 5'5") - Often complimented on my eyes, voice, innocent face, and unique moreno complexion
Who I'm Looking For: - Born-again Christian woman - Values family and intellectual growth - Modest, confident, and values herself - Mature and knows how to handle different situations
Logistics: - Live near BGC, so it’s convenient if you work or live nearby - Interested in weekly or bi-weekly SFW dates to start
If this sounds like you, let's connect and see where it goes! 😊
2024.05.15 16:36 maximusaemilius Empyrean Iris: 2-182 Abort? (by Charlie Star)
FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Caution swearing!
Also, god I love you Conn… please never change!
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
"Both of you get your suits back on."
"What the hell is going on!?”
Richards demanded, Adam took a deep breath,
"Captain Richards that was not an opening for a discussion, that was an order. Now put the damn suit on, or I swear I will knock you out and do it myself!”
The three of them were floating in the module staring at each other, hands resting against what must have been no more than a few millimeters of aluminum.
He stared at them, and they stared back.
Adam did not break eye contact with the two, willing them to do as they were told. Chavez was the first to move, hurrying over to her space suit and struggling to pull it on in a near panic as bright lights flashed from outside. Inside his heart was pounding but he tried to remain calm for the two standing before him.
He hurried over to help Chavez pull on her gear, finally sealing the helmet in place as Richards finally moved to do the same.
Adam helped pull the hard torso over the man's head and link it to the waist before helping him pull on his gloves and, eventually the helmet. Before he let go, he kept hold of Richards by either side of the helmet staring at him through the glass,
"I promise, if you listen to me, I will keep you safe."
He kept eye contact with the other man until Richards finally nodded, and Adam let him go to float over and put on his own suit. His hands were steady, for now, but he knew as soon as the crisis was over he'd be shaking like a leaf.
If he survived…
He gritted his teeth, cursing himself for thinking like that.
He was Admiral Vir for crying out loud. He had survived far too much to go and die now.
He returned to the helm of the command module as he looked out the thick window at the lights flashing on either side of them. Despite the war that was raging around them, everything seemed so strangely quiet. There was no sound no rumbling, not even a vibration as one of the jets flew past. Despite being at the controls of the vehicle, there was nothing he could do. They only had a certain amount of fuel to get them to the lunar surface, and if he wasted any of it at all, they would be either caught in orbit, or miss the moon entirely.
He had to keep his cool.
Another bright burst of light lit the window to his right. This one was closer this time.
His heart leaped up into his throat.
Richards and Chaves joined him buckling into their seats.
"What is going on?”
Richards demanded again, his mike distant and tinny with the sound of very old technology.
"I believe Anti-Alliance forces are attempting to assassinate me. They have been trying for months now, and I think they are being encouraged by very powerful members of the government."
They watched as another set of ships zoomed past.
He saw a flash of a silhouette, just enough to know that one of them was a Thunderhawk and the other was a silver Rundi drone.
It confirmed his worst fears. The Chairwoman had been behind this the whole time!
[…]
Red nearly collided with the rocket. The Thunderhawk had pulled up the last minute, but he had almost been too late. He jerked the stick to the side, throwing up his wing just in time to avoid hitting the rocket as it made its slow way through space. He dove down on the other side forced to break off pursuit and cut in front of another Thunderhawk coming in from above. He made to look like he was going to ram them, playing a dangerous game of chicken, which he won at the last second as the other pilot panicked and cut to the left.
There were too many of them. Only five out of the original twenty had been destroyed, and he and the rest of their pilots were busy just keeping the thunder hawks away from the rocket, much less to have any time of firing at them. He had sent one of his people down to earth and one of them off towards the moon for backup. The moon was still hours away yet, so the hope that some help would be sent from them was unlikely, and even the woman he had sent down to earth's surface was cutting it close.
He didn't have much hopes that they would be able to hold out that long.
Inside the cockpit his warning lights began to blink and blair as one of the other jets got a lock on him. He rolled right to avoid them and dove down, cutting off the lock but still being pursued by those behind him. Up ahead he saw one of the silver balls erupt into flames as it was targeted by an expert hit from one of the Thunderhawk pilots.
He rolled right.
Someone else rolled left. He cut up just in time to avoid being hit and raced forward to cut off another Thunderbird that was heading directly towards the rocket.
[…]
Eris hurried down the hallway, her knees screaming as she did her very best to sprint, but despite her human anatomy, she was a little too much like a starborn.
With a cry of frustration she reached up and tore off her hoodie, throwing it to the ground and engaging her anti-gravity belt. The ribbons on her back billowed out behind her.
Light spilled in from the windows on either side of the catwalk she was now on, filling her with a buzzing energy that she could feel radiating through the ribbons like electricity. She knew from her study of starborn that they could travel at thousands of miles an hour in the vacuum of space, especially when under the power of a star. She didn't think she needed to go THAT fast, but anything would be better than what she was doing now.
As if in response to her will, she suddenly began to glide forward, picking up speed as she swooped towards the end of the hall, wind catching her in the face and roaring along her cheeks. With her starborn skin, she barely felt a thing as she raced around the corner and out of the waiting door. Two men dressed in military ACUs dived to the side as she blew past them crying out in alarm and confusion as the "Alien" floated by.
Somewhere distantly, she could sense Conn racing in the opposite direction towards the base.
Sunny and Admiral Kelly had Admiral Massie in their custody and were dragging him out into the hallway.
She blew across the open ground her ribbons snapping and billowing behind her as she did. She didn't even have time to imagine what she looked like as she roared over the open field and towards the waiting news vans which were just beginning to pack up their things. They were close to leaving, but she set out a sharp hard telepathic pulse ordering them to stop.
Compelling them to stop.
They froze in their tracks and looked up to see her coming.
Someone scrambled to turn on their camera, not sure what was going on but sure it had to be something good.
She tried not to think about what they would see as the camera flared to life following her approach.
"Make us live."
She ordered,
The news people glanced between each other in confusion,
"But no… we aren’t-"
"What are-"
She came to a sudden jolting stop before them, her billowing black hair fanning out behind her like a curling halo.
"I said, put us on air."
This time the telepathic pulse was too strong to resist. Mostly that, paired with the fact that none of them were sure they really wanted to resist. She was way too interesting to pass up.
They hurried to do what they were doing, and Eris was given just enough time to feel nervous before the camera was turned to her.
They were live.
She read it in the minds of those behind camera who she cut off as she began to speak,
"Citizens of Earth, there has been a horrible conspiracy against you. The UN president has ordered the assassination of Admiral Adam Vir and has continually attempted to sabotage the mission. Just now General Massie was taken into custody after ordering the deployment of twenty Thunderhawk’s to harass the rocket and make its destruction look like some sort of collision with space debris."
The group gawked at her as she raised her hand with the small silver device and began playing the recording.
She knew something like this would never be admissible in court. She was pretty sure it would be considered entrapment of some kind, which is why it must be heard now, before everyone, so that the actions of the president could be judged by a jury of the world where it could not be hidden by political machinations.
"Communications have been lost with Apollo 11. And it is... Well... It is likely that he is already dead..."
Her voice broke,
"No matter what happens, I need you, and this nation to understand what is happening before it gets swept under the rug. I saw it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears and experienced their meeting in the thoughts of a man who is both xenophobic and hateful to his own humankind."
She kept talking trying to give them all the information she could, spilling thoughts she had heard in the head of the UN president and General Massie alike. Every meeting, every liaison, every name until her voice was beginning to crack.
[…]
The UN president was just standing to enter her vehicle when a slow muttering began in the crowd behind her. She turned as the ground before her went silent.
She watched as a wave ran through the people. A wave of nudging and whispering and showing off news feeds they had pulled up on their wrist implants. It wasn't long before the entire crowd was either staring down at their arms or clustered around someone else for viewing.
"What is going on?”
She wondered, turning to one of her men who was staring down at her own wrist.
"Madame president?"
He said with a look of confusion.
She could hear it now.
"Her and General Massie have ordered members of the UNSC to adjust funds in order to hide the twenty Thunderhawk’s they were squirting away for just such an event."
She hurried forward, grabbing the secret serviceman by the arm, staring at it as she watched the streaming newsfeed and the freaky white alien with the large dark eyes and flowing black hair.
"She is afraid of aliens, she wishes to isolate and eventually use humanity's superior forces to overtake trade in the galaxy, forceful if need be."
The muttering behind her had turned into an angry grumbling, and she turned to see the eyes of hundreds that turned towards her.
"Get me out of here."
She hissed. the Secret Serviceman took a step back with a look of confusion and indecision on his face.
"It's your job."
She snarled, but he just stared at her.
She hurriedly ran over to her car as the crowd began to filter in around them pressing close. A few of the secret service men pulled guns, but a large majority of them were frozen with indecision and were taken over by the crowd. She scrambled into the back seat of her vehicle and slammed the door shut screaming at the driver to get moving.
The crowd was surrounding them now, pounding at the glass.
She could hear their angry voices raised for her to be heard behind bullet proof glass.
Outside, she watched a lone figure step onto the platform where the lectern was and stare at her with its beady black eyes. The Chairwoman of the GA stood over the crowd like it's filthy alien lord.
And even though Rundi could not smile, she could swear it was smiling.
[…]
Baby K hit a rough patch of turbulence coming down from the atmosphere. She struggled with the controls as she was thrown left and right inside the cockpit of her rickety shuttle.
Donovan Red had ordered her down here to grab the UNSC, but she was so scared and full of adrenaline that she had dropped it at too steep an angle. The ride was much bumpier than it was supposed to be, and her teeth were rattling inside her head.
Just then two Jets suddenly cut in behind her out of nowhere, and she heard her console beep and warn her about a lock on, making it clear that she was just one click of a trigger away from imminent doom.
"This is Eagle Dispatch One, unidentified vessel, you have crossed into restricted UNSC airspace, identify yourself or be destroyed! You have ten seconds to comply, over."
She scrambled for her communications, but her fingers felt as stiff as wood as she scrambled for the button.
"I repeat, this is Eagle Dispatch One, unidentified vessel, you have entered restricted UNSC airspace, you are ordered to identify yourself or be destroyed. Five seconds remaining. Over."
She slammed her first into the comms button nearly panicking,
"UNSC!"
Her voice was rattling,
"This is B-baby K, and I... The Apollo 11 is under attack!"
She was breathless as she forced the words out.
There was silence over the coms,
"Say again? Uhm I mean please repeat over.”
"Apollo 11 is under attack!"
”…”
”…”
More silence,
”Roger that. Please stand by. Over."
The lock lifted and the two jets pulled up to the side of her, staying close now.
She recognized those jets as two F-90 Darkfires.
They stayed by her side for a moment, and as close as they were she could see one of the pilots fidgeting with the coms, talking and wildly gesticulating, while his copilot was beginning to wildly flip switches.
Meanwhile, a second voice came in over the coms.
"On your left! Eagle Dispatch Two here, unidentified vessel, please land on UNSC base airstrip one. Just contact the control tower once you get close for guidance and instruction."
Baby K looked over into the other jet, just to see the pilot adjusting his helmet and clicking an oxygen tube to the front of his helmet. His co-pilot had already put the additional oxygen mask on and was also flipping switches.
”Uhm aren’t you going to escort me?”
Baby K managed to blurt out in confusion,
”Godspeed Baby K, Eagle Dispatch Two over and out.”
Both men in the jet to her left had apparently finished their preparations and gave her a quick salute.
Then suddenly, both jets adjusted their angle and cut engines, before switching to their big fusion engines, rocketing them up and out of sight within seconds.
[…]
So far it had been a relatively quiet day at the Ellington Field Joint Reserve Base. Most of the air traffic had been canceled due to the launch of the Apollo mission, so there was not much to do, leaving much of the Airport less staffed than normal.
In the Air Traffic Control tower of the base, only two men were working. Though “working” was stretching it, considering Senior Controller M. Fredrick was currently in the middle of his book (though he was at least in front of his station) and his comrade Senior ATC Instructor A. Millard was currently sitting in a corner, watching a movie on his implant.
”So what are you watching? One of those old Star Wars movies?”
”You bet! Those are the best! By the way any info on that “lost civilian” who got into our airspace?”
”No not yet, though I sent Eagle Dispatch and told them to be extra unfriendly, that will scare these civilians off for sure!”
”Pffft, why couldn’t they watch the start like any other person? There is always some dumb rich kid doing dumb stuff with daddies private shuttle… I don’t understand why we always let them off with a warning…”
The console started beeping,
”Oh look that’s them now!”
”Put ‘em on speakers!”
”Will do!”
…
”ATC this is Eagle, come the FUCK in!”
Fredrick rolled his eyes,
”Ahem… This is Elling Field ATC, calling Eagle Dispatch One. We hear you, over.”
”ATC what the FUCK took you so long!?”
”Ellington Field ATC, to Eagle Dispatch one, firstly: language, secondly: please follow standard radio rules, over.”
”THE APOLLO IS UNDER ATACK BY HOSTILE ELEMENTS!”
”Ellingt-WHAAAAT!? Repeat please! Over!”
”THE APOLLO IS BEEING ATACKED BY HOSTILE ELEMENTS! REQUETING IMMEDIATE ASSIST!”
Fredrick just stared at Millard dumbfounded. As the senior officer Millard was quick to collect himself and jumped up and towards his console.
”What are you waiting for Fredrick! Are we blind!? DEPLOY THE GARRISON!”
Fredrick ignored all protocol and just flipped the switch to connect his comms to every recipient available.
”ATC to all personnel and everyone who can hear me, the Apollo is under attack, I repeat, the apollo is under attack. I want all available planes that can reach the outer atmosphere ready ASAP! Get the darkfires on the runway I want them in the air yesterday!”
[…]
Conn raced towards the airstrip, feeling the wind in the ribbons at his back. He couldn't go nearly as fast as he wanted to with air resistance.
Why the hell did Adam always have to get into so much trouble, why did he always have to be the center of attention!?
Everyone either hated him or loved him, but the problem was people who hated him also wanted to kill him.
Why did he have to be so controversial!?
Why did he have to be hated for something that was such a big deal. Why couldn't he be hated for having controversial political opinions. Conn paused…
On second thought, controversial political opinions were kind of what had gotten them here in the first place, so he guessed that was kind of a useless comparison. How about being the kind of guy who liked to talk too much about fishing. That was a great way to make people hate you for being boring, but it didn't usually mean that people wanted to kill you.
Maybe they could get the man a hobby doing something that wasn't so controversial…
Like…
Kicking small Animals or…
Cannibalism.
He came roaring to the stop at the edge of the airfield just in time to watch an entire platoon of pilots racing towards jets. He could hear their minds and looked up to see a rather dinky shuttle descending from the sky. He floated forward towards one of the jets as two pilots leaped inside.
He was going to need a ride.
The pilots turned to look at him, but Conn just shook his head.
The pilots decided to ignore him in the confusion and Conn grabbed on tight.
Starborn, he had come to learn, were a very interesting species in comparison to others. Vertically, as in from the top down he was very fragile and likely to break his neck or collapse his spine if there was any kind of pressure, but with horizontal forces, he was practically indestructible. Below him the ship roared to life and soon they were gathering speed along the runway.
His grip was tight, and he used the extra energy from his ribbons to speed himself up along with the jet to reduce the pull on his arms.
His grip wasn't that strong.
They went vertical almost immediately, and he made sure to orient his body in the correct direction as they went hurtling into the sky.
[…]
Red's right wing had been hit. If there had been atmosphere around him he would have been a goner, but there was no air resistance here, so once he regained control of his roll, he pulled back into position and fired one last shot as the opportunity arose. The sixth Thunderhawk was destroyed in an eruption of debris, which he dodged only with difficulty, limping without the aid of the maneuvering jet on the end of his one wing. Things were only speeding up now, the Rundi were almost gone and the pressure was being laid thick on his people. They were hard to hit but the pursuit made it almost impossible for them to do any real maneuvering of their own. He was almost hit again as another Thunderhawk sped underneath him. They rolled this way and that rocking from one side to the other. Flying through debris and over strips of silver metal.
Below them the earth hung as a glowing orb.
Red cut in a wide circle coming in with the sun at his back, using it to blind one of the enemy Thunderhawk’s as he came in. He watched the group of them form up suddenly as a ring around the slow moving rocket, intending quite certainly to rush it all at once. He screamed into the comm trying to order his men around, but it was going to be too late, he could already see it coming.
The jets rushed forward, and he did too, screaming inside his helmet as they went to broadside Apollo 11.
And then with all the silence of space, sixteen F-90 Dark Fires came spitting overhead all at once, raining down a line of ordinance that cut through the group of unsuspecting Thunderhawk’s.
Space around them was filled with a myriad of silent explosions as each and every one of them was ripped to shreds.
All except one…
He saw it at the last moment.
It had been hit in the tail and had gone wildly off course.
It turned sideways, but had just enough force... For its wing to tear straight through the aluminum siding of the rocket.
FUCK!
[…]
Chavez and Richards had been ordered to strap into their seats.
Adam had taken it upon himself to lock down the rest of the main cabin. Outside the flashing lights were like a fireworks display without sound. He grabbed onto one of the rails, forcing equipment back into place, so that if anything happened it wouldn't fly out.
His legs were kicked up behind him as he floated forward reaching for some of the controls as a sudden bright wash of light filtered in through the windows. He heard a scream over his com, and then the air around him was rent with a horrific tearing noise, which suddenly went silent. There was a rush, and he jerked forward as he was sucked back... And out of the ship entirely.
His hands and legs kicked and flailed as he tried to right himself, hearing his own breathing as the only sound as he watched the rocket begin to spin, debris erupting around him as air, and whatever wasn't strapped down was sucked through the small opening.
The rocket was spinning wildly but still on course, while he was spinning wildly in a silent abyss.
Grunting against the force of his spin, he reached down for the controls to the CO2 canister built into the pack of his spacesuit.
He groaned, not sure which way was up or down or back. He tried to right himself against the spin by firing in the opposite direction to slow his spin.
He could see the rocket now spinning in the opposite direction with the sudden loss of oxygen. He hoped the other astronauts were ok. He saw the silhouette of a jet fly past in the distance making its way towards the spinning rocket.
At least there was someone here to help.
Maybe the others would survive-
And then he just… stopped, coming to a confusing halt in the middle of space.
That shouldn't have been right!
He should have kept going forever!
He tried turning his head, but he felt like the pillsbury doughboy in this two thousand year old suit.
What was happening?
"Did you miss me Baby?”
Well shit, now he sort of wished he could keep spinning.
There was a tugging on the outside of his suit, and Conn floated into view in front of his helmet.
"Hey sweetheart."
"You are probably the last person I wanted to see."
He said, though he didn't entirely mean it, and unfortunately Conn knew that too, the mindreading asshole that he was.
”I could hardly let the father of my child go spinning off into space without taking accountability for his family. After al child support is paying way more than widows pension."
"Shove it up your ass Conn."
"No really, not even the vacuum of space is going to save you from your responsibilities. Now, about custody, I was thinking you could have every other weekend and a couple of major holidays…”
He gave a rueful sort of smile as Conn grabbed him by the life support pack and started floating them towards the rocket.
The F-90s had somehow managed to slow the spin of the rocket, and pull it back on course with grappling magnets.
All around them space was filled with debris. No more working Thunderhawk’s were present and those that were were quickly being grappled. One sleek racing jet slowly cruised past them. One of its wings was damaged, but whoever was inside waved with one hand as he rolled past.
Adam lifted a hand as Conn brought him the last few hundred feet to the torn opening in the side of the ship, allowing him to step through.
Conn patted him on the side of the helmet,
"Make sure to be home by dinnertime sweetie."
Before blowing him a kiss and vanishing back out the hole.
Adam floated there, a bit nonplussed for a moment before turning back to the front of the ship where Chaves and Richards were still strapped into their seats staring at him and after Conn. He floated over to strap himself in.
"Admiral! You're ok!”
"Yes, it seems that I am, thanks to a... Friend of mine."
Just then Conn appeared again just before their right side window, and like the classy gentlemen that he was began rubbing his butt up against the glass.
He sighed,
"Friend is kind of stretching it."
"Apollo 11 this is Houston, do you copy!"
The man on the other end of the line sounded close to tears, and Adam hurried to respond,
"Houston this is Apollo 11."
On the other side he thought he heard the sound of voices cheering in relief.
"What is your status, over?”
"We are a bit beat up Houston, we have a tear in our hull, but our suits are ok, and we have help."
"Prepare to abort mission."
Adam frowned,
"Now wait a second there Houston! I didn't get sucked out the side of my own rocket to just quit now. Tell the boys to come up here and patch us up and we can finish the mission. All systems are still functioning, and we are back on course."
He glanced over at the others,
”That is, if the crew wants to continue."
There was a pause and then Chavez timidly piped in,
"I'd be ok with that."
Richards sighed,
"Roger Houston, patch us up."
Granted it may have been cheating. Apollo 11 hadn't had support with special tools that could just patch up a spaceship within ten minutes, but then again the original Apollo 11 hadn't been in the middle of a firefight while on their journey to the moon.
So it was with some trepidation that Houston allowed it, and before long they had air back inside the cabin back up to pressure, but they also had a sixteen-man rotating escort for the rest of the way.
The group of them were even shocked to see Rundi drones join the formation, only to learn that it had been the UN president who had allegedly called the hit on him. It was hard to believe, but they were only getting snippets here and then from over radio and from Conn, who floated around occasionally to rub another part of his anatomy against the window and give them teasing updates.
The moon was growing slowly in their vision.
"Hehe, I can see my house from here."
Adam remarked as they prepared to detach the lunar module from the rest of the ship.
They landed without incident, observed by mobile camera crews and news reporters as he made his own footprint on the never changing dust of the moon's surface. He gave them a thumbs up to let them know he was fine and hesitated only once before setting up the UN flag in the dirt. He refused to let his enthusiasm be dampened by the day's events and hopped around dancing and leaping for joy as another one of his childhood dreams was fulfilled.
…
That was before he plowed face first into the moon's surface and required help from Richards to stand back up again.
They left soon after taking another three days of escort back to earth before strapping themselves in for final entry.
Conn left them just as they were entering orbit with a very big and very drawn out middle finger for all three of them.
"Your friend is super delightful isn't he?”
"You don’t know the half of it, try having a child with him."
Adam muttered, refusing to elaborate even as they stared at him in confusion.
They fell from the sky and landed somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, picked up by the waiting navy vessel who was within nine miles of their landing site. They were fished from the water and returned safe and sound to the ship to cheers and cameras. Adam's legs felt a little like jelly after days of not using them, and he was finally able to relax lying on the deck of the ship under the sun as people ran around them on either side.
His hands shook slowly building up after the stress of the last week. He took long deep breaths and closed his eyes.
The next few days were going to be a real shit show.
And somehow it wasn’t because he was now known as the man who faceplanted not one, but TWO interstellar bodies…
The media was way to busy with the other story, a massive net of deceit and corruption that would now be uncovered.
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Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.
submitted by maximusaemilius to HFY [link] [comments]
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Caution swearing!
Also, god I love you Conn… please never change!
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
"What the hell is going on!?”
Richards demanded, Adam took a deep breath,
"Captain Richards that was not an opening for a discussion, that was an order. Now put the damn suit on, or I swear I will knock you out and do it myself!”
The three of them were floating in the module staring at each other, hands resting against what must have been no more than a few millimeters of aluminum.
He stared at them, and they stared back.
Adam did not break eye contact with the two, willing them to do as they were told. Chavez was the first to move, hurrying over to her space suit and struggling to pull it on in a near panic as bright lights flashed from outside. Inside his heart was pounding but he tried to remain calm for the two standing before him.
He hurried over to help Chavez pull on her gear, finally sealing the helmet in place as Richards finally moved to do the same.
Adam helped pull the hard torso over the man's head and link it to the waist before helping him pull on his gloves and, eventually the helmet. Before he let go, he kept hold of Richards by either side of the helmet staring at him through the glass,
"I promise, if you listen to me, I will keep you safe."
He kept eye contact with the other man until Richards finally nodded, and Adam let him go to float over and put on his own suit. His hands were steady, for now, but he knew as soon as the crisis was over he'd be shaking like a leaf.
If he survived…
He gritted his teeth, cursing himself for thinking like that.
He was Admiral Vir for crying out loud. He had survived far too much to go and die now.
He returned to the helm of the command module as he looked out the thick window at the lights flashing on either side of them. Despite the war that was raging around them, everything seemed so strangely quiet. There was no sound no rumbling, not even a vibration as one of the jets flew past. Despite being at the controls of the vehicle, there was nothing he could do. They only had a certain amount of fuel to get them to the lunar surface, and if he wasted any of it at all, they would be either caught in orbit, or miss the moon entirely.
He had to keep his cool.
Another bright burst of light lit the window to his right. This one was closer this time.
His heart leaped up into his throat.
Richards and Chaves joined him buckling into their seats.
"What is going on?”
Richards demanded again, his mike distant and tinny with the sound of very old technology.
"I believe Anti-Alliance forces are attempting to assassinate me. They have been trying for months now, and I think they are being encouraged by very powerful members of the government."
They watched as another set of ships zoomed past.
He saw a flash of a silhouette, just enough to know that one of them was a Thunderhawk and the other was a silver Rundi drone.
It confirmed his worst fears. The Chairwoman had been behind this the whole time!
Red nearly collided with the rocket. The Thunderhawk had pulled up the last minute, but he had almost been too late. He jerked the stick to the side, throwing up his wing just in time to avoid hitting the rocket as it made its slow way through space. He dove down on the other side forced to break off pursuit and cut in front of another Thunderhawk coming in from above. He made to look like he was going to ram them, playing a dangerous game of chicken, which he won at the last second as the other pilot panicked and cut to the left.
There were too many of them. Only five out of the original twenty had been destroyed, and he and the rest of their pilots were busy just keeping the thunder hawks away from the rocket, much less to have any time of firing at them. He had sent one of his people down to earth and one of them off towards the moon for backup. The moon was still hours away yet, so the hope that some help would be sent from them was unlikely, and even the woman he had sent down to earth's surface was cutting it close.
He didn't have much hopes that they would be able to hold out that long.
Inside the cockpit his warning lights began to blink and blair as one of the other jets got a lock on him. He rolled right to avoid them and dove down, cutting off the lock but still being pursued by those behind him. Up ahead he saw one of the silver balls erupt into flames as it was targeted by an expert hit from one of the Thunderhawk pilots.
He rolled right.
Someone else rolled left. He cut up just in time to avoid being hit and raced forward to cut off another Thunderbird that was heading directly towards the rocket.
Eris hurried down the hallway, her knees screaming as she did her very best to sprint, but despite her human anatomy, she was a little too much like a starborn.
With a cry of frustration she reached up and tore off her hoodie, throwing it to the ground and engaging her anti-gravity belt. The ribbons on her back billowed out behind her.
Light spilled in from the windows on either side of the catwalk she was now on, filling her with a buzzing energy that she could feel radiating through the ribbons like electricity. She knew from her study of starborn that they could travel at thousands of miles an hour in the vacuum of space, especially when under the power of a star. She didn't think she needed to go THAT fast, but anything would be better than what she was doing now.
As if in response to her will, she suddenly began to glide forward, picking up speed as she swooped towards the end of the hall, wind catching her in the face and roaring along her cheeks. With her starborn skin, she barely felt a thing as she raced around the corner and out of the waiting door. Two men dressed in military ACUs dived to the side as she blew past them crying out in alarm and confusion as the "Alien" floated by.
Somewhere distantly, she could sense Conn racing in the opposite direction towards the base.
Sunny and Admiral Kelly had Admiral Massie in their custody and were dragging him out into the hallway.
She blew across the open ground her ribbons snapping and billowing behind her as she did. She didn't even have time to imagine what she looked like as she roared over the open field and towards the waiting news vans which were just beginning to pack up their things. They were close to leaving, but she set out a sharp hard telepathic pulse ordering them to stop.
Compelling them to stop.
They froze in their tracks and looked up to see her coming.
Someone scrambled to turn on their camera, not sure what was going on but sure it had to be something good.
She tried not to think about what they would see as the camera flared to life following her approach.
"Make us live."
She ordered,
The news people glanced between each other in confusion,
"But no… we aren’t-"
"What are-"
She came to a sudden jolting stop before them, her billowing black hair fanning out behind her like a curling halo.
"I said, put us on air."
This time the telepathic pulse was too strong to resist. Mostly that, paired with the fact that none of them were sure they really wanted to resist. She was way too interesting to pass up.
They hurried to do what they were doing, and Eris was given just enough time to feel nervous before the camera was turned to her.
They were live.
She read it in the minds of those behind camera who she cut off as she began to speak,
"Citizens of Earth, there has been a horrible conspiracy against you. The UN president has ordered the assassination of Admiral Adam Vir and has continually attempted to sabotage the mission. Just now General Massie was taken into custody after ordering the deployment of twenty Thunderhawk’s to harass the rocket and make its destruction look like some sort of collision with space debris."
The group gawked at her as she raised her hand with the small silver device and began playing the recording.
She knew something like this would never be admissible in court. She was pretty sure it would be considered entrapment of some kind, which is why it must be heard now, before everyone, so that the actions of the president could be judged by a jury of the world where it could not be hidden by political machinations.
"Communications have been lost with Apollo 11. And it is... Well... It is likely that he is already dead..."
Her voice broke,
"No matter what happens, I need you, and this nation to understand what is happening before it gets swept under the rug. I saw it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears and experienced their meeting in the thoughts of a man who is both xenophobic and hateful to his own humankind."
She kept talking trying to give them all the information she could, spilling thoughts she had heard in the head of the UN president and General Massie alike. Every meeting, every liaison, every name until her voice was beginning to crack.
The UN president was just standing to enter her vehicle when a slow muttering began in the crowd behind her. She turned as the ground before her went silent.
She watched as a wave ran through the people. A wave of nudging and whispering and showing off news feeds they had pulled up on their wrist implants. It wasn't long before the entire crowd was either staring down at their arms or clustered around someone else for viewing.
"What is going on?”
She wondered, turning to one of her men who was staring down at her own wrist.
"Madame president?"
He said with a look of confusion.
She could hear it now.
"Her and General Massie have ordered members of the UNSC to adjust funds in order to hide the twenty Thunderhawk’s they were squirting away for just such an event."
She hurried forward, grabbing the secret serviceman by the arm, staring at it as she watched the streaming newsfeed and the freaky white alien with the large dark eyes and flowing black hair.
"She is afraid of aliens, she wishes to isolate and eventually use humanity's superior forces to overtake trade in the galaxy, forceful if need be."
The muttering behind her had turned into an angry grumbling, and she turned to see the eyes of hundreds that turned towards her.
"Get me out of here."
She hissed. the Secret Serviceman took a step back with a look of confusion and indecision on his face.
"It's your job."
She snarled, but he just stared at her.
She hurriedly ran over to her car as the crowd began to filter in around them pressing close. A few of the secret service men pulled guns, but a large majority of them were frozen with indecision and were taken over by the crowd. She scrambled into the back seat of her vehicle and slammed the door shut screaming at the driver to get moving.
The crowd was surrounding them now, pounding at the glass.
She could hear their angry voices raised for her to be heard behind bullet proof glass.
Outside, she watched a lone figure step onto the platform where the lectern was and stare at her with its beady black eyes. The Chairwoman of the GA stood over the crowd like it's filthy alien lord.
And even though Rundi could not smile, she could swear it was smiling.
Baby K hit a rough patch of turbulence coming down from the atmosphere. She struggled with the controls as she was thrown left and right inside the cockpit of her rickety shuttle.
Donovan Red had ordered her down here to grab the UNSC, but she was so scared and full of adrenaline that she had dropped it at too steep an angle. The ride was much bumpier than it was supposed to be, and her teeth were rattling inside her head.
Just then two Jets suddenly cut in behind her out of nowhere, and she heard her console beep and warn her about a lock on, making it clear that she was just one click of a trigger away from imminent doom.
"This is Eagle Dispatch One, unidentified vessel, you have crossed into restricted UNSC airspace, identify yourself or be destroyed! You have ten seconds to comply, over."
She scrambled for her communications, but her fingers felt as stiff as wood as she scrambled for the button.
"I repeat, this is Eagle Dispatch One, unidentified vessel, you have entered restricted UNSC airspace, you are ordered to identify yourself or be destroyed. Five seconds remaining. Over."
She slammed her first into the comms button nearly panicking,
"UNSC!"
Her voice was rattling,
"This is B-baby K, and I... The Apollo 11 is under attack!"
She was breathless as she forced the words out.
There was silence over the coms,
"Say again? Uhm I mean please repeat over.”
"Apollo 11 is under attack!"
”…”
”…”
More silence,
”Roger that. Please stand by. Over."
The lock lifted and the two jets pulled up to the side of her, staying close now.
She recognized those jets as two F-90 Darkfires.
They stayed by her side for a moment, and as close as they were she could see one of the pilots fidgeting with the coms, talking and wildly gesticulating, while his copilot was beginning to wildly flip switches.
Meanwhile, a second voice came in over the coms.
"On your left! Eagle Dispatch Two here, unidentified vessel, please land on UNSC base airstrip one. Just contact the control tower once you get close for guidance and instruction."
Baby K looked over into the other jet, just to see the pilot adjusting his helmet and clicking an oxygen tube to the front of his helmet. His co-pilot had already put the additional oxygen mask on and was also flipping switches.
”Uhm aren’t you going to escort me?”
Baby K managed to blurt out in confusion,
”Godspeed Baby K, Eagle Dispatch Two over and out.”
Both men in the jet to her left had apparently finished their preparations and gave her a quick salute.
Then suddenly, both jets adjusted their angle and cut engines, before switching to their big fusion engines, rocketing them up and out of sight within seconds.
So far it had been a relatively quiet day at the Ellington Field Joint Reserve Base. Most of the air traffic had been canceled due to the launch of the Apollo mission, so there was not much to do, leaving much of the Airport less staffed than normal.
In the Air Traffic Control tower of the base, only two men were working. Though “working” was stretching it, considering Senior Controller M. Fredrick was currently in the middle of his book (though he was at least in front of his station) and his comrade Senior ATC Instructor A. Millard was currently sitting in a corner, watching a movie on his implant.
”So what are you watching? One of those old Star Wars movies?”
”You bet! Those are the best! By the way any info on that “lost civilian” who got into our airspace?”
”No not yet, though I sent Eagle Dispatch and told them to be extra unfriendly, that will scare these civilians off for sure!”
”Pffft, why couldn’t they watch the start like any other person? There is always some dumb rich kid doing dumb stuff with daddies private shuttle… I don’t understand why we always let them off with a warning…”
The console started beeping,
”Oh look that’s them now!”
”Put ‘em on speakers!”
”Will do!”
…
”ATC this is Eagle, come the FUCK in!”
Fredrick rolled his eyes,
”Ahem… This is Elling Field ATC, calling Eagle Dispatch One. We hear you, over.”
”ATC what the FUCK took you so long!?”
”Ellington Field ATC, to Eagle Dispatch one, firstly: language, secondly: please follow standard radio rules, over.”
”THE APOLLO IS UNDER ATACK BY HOSTILE ELEMENTS!”
”Ellingt-WHAAAAT!? Repeat please! Over!”
”THE APOLLO IS BEEING ATACKED BY HOSTILE ELEMENTS! REQUETING IMMEDIATE ASSIST!”
Fredrick just stared at Millard dumbfounded. As the senior officer Millard was quick to collect himself and jumped up and towards his console.
”What are you waiting for Fredrick! Are we blind!? DEPLOY THE GARRISON!”
Fredrick ignored all protocol and just flipped the switch to connect his comms to every recipient available.
”ATC to all personnel and everyone who can hear me, the Apollo is under attack, I repeat, the apollo is under attack. I want all available planes that can reach the outer atmosphere ready ASAP! Get the darkfires on the runway I want them in the air yesterday!”
Conn raced towards the airstrip, feeling the wind in the ribbons at his back. He couldn't go nearly as fast as he wanted to with air resistance.
Why the hell did Adam always have to get into so much trouble, why did he always have to be the center of attention!?
Everyone either hated him or loved him, but the problem was people who hated him also wanted to kill him.
Why did he have to be so controversial!?
Why did he have to be hated for something that was such a big deal. Why couldn't he be hated for having controversial political opinions. Conn paused…
On second thought, controversial political opinions were kind of what had gotten them here in the first place, so he guessed that was kind of a useless comparison. How about being the kind of guy who liked to talk too much about fishing. That was a great way to make people hate you for being boring, but it didn't usually mean that people wanted to kill you.
Maybe they could get the man a hobby doing something that wasn't so controversial…
Like…
Kicking small Animals or…
Cannibalism.
He came roaring to the stop at the edge of the airfield just in time to watch an entire platoon of pilots racing towards jets. He could hear their minds and looked up to see a rather dinky shuttle descending from the sky. He floated forward towards one of the jets as two pilots leaped inside.
He was going to need a ride.
The pilots turned to look at him, but Conn just shook his head.
The pilots decided to ignore him in the confusion and Conn grabbed on tight.
Starborn, he had come to learn, were a very interesting species in comparison to others. Vertically, as in from the top down he was very fragile and likely to break his neck or collapse his spine if there was any kind of pressure, but with horizontal forces, he was practically indestructible. Below him the ship roared to life and soon they were gathering speed along the runway.
His grip was tight, and he used the extra energy from his ribbons to speed himself up along with the jet to reduce the pull on his arms.
His grip wasn't that strong.
They went vertical almost immediately, and he made sure to orient his body in the correct direction as they went hurtling into the sky.
Red's right wing had been hit. If there had been atmosphere around him he would have been a goner, but there was no air resistance here, so once he regained control of his roll, he pulled back into position and fired one last shot as the opportunity arose. The sixth Thunderhawk was destroyed in an eruption of debris, which he dodged only with difficulty, limping without the aid of the maneuvering jet on the end of his one wing. Things were only speeding up now, the Rundi were almost gone and the pressure was being laid thick on his people. They were hard to hit but the pursuit made it almost impossible for them to do any real maneuvering of their own. He was almost hit again as another Thunderhawk sped underneath him. They rolled this way and that rocking from one side to the other. Flying through debris and over strips of silver metal.
Below them the earth hung as a glowing orb.
Red cut in a wide circle coming in with the sun at his back, using it to blind one of the enemy Thunderhawk’s as he came in. He watched the group of them form up suddenly as a ring around the slow moving rocket, intending quite certainly to rush it all at once. He screamed into the comm trying to order his men around, but it was going to be too late, he could already see it coming.
The jets rushed forward, and he did too, screaming inside his helmet as they went to broadside Apollo 11.
And then with all the silence of space, sixteen F-90 Dark Fires came spitting overhead all at once, raining down a line of ordinance that cut through the group of unsuspecting Thunderhawk’s.
Space around them was filled with a myriad of silent explosions as each and every one of them was ripped to shreds.
All except one…
He saw it at the last moment.
It had been hit in the tail and had gone wildly off course.
It turned sideways, but had just enough force... For its wing to tear straight through the aluminum siding of the rocket.
FUCK!
Chavez and Richards had been ordered to strap into their seats.
Adam had taken it upon himself to lock down the rest of the main cabin. Outside the flashing lights were like a fireworks display without sound. He grabbed onto one of the rails, forcing equipment back into place, so that if anything happened it wouldn't fly out.
His legs were kicked up behind him as he floated forward reaching for some of the controls as a sudden bright wash of light filtered in through the windows. He heard a scream over his com, and then the air around him was rent with a horrific tearing noise, which suddenly went silent. There was a rush, and he jerked forward as he was sucked back... And out of the ship entirely.
His hands and legs kicked and flailed as he tried to right himself, hearing his own breathing as the only sound as he watched the rocket begin to spin, debris erupting around him as air, and whatever wasn't strapped down was sucked through the small opening.
The rocket was spinning wildly but still on course, while he was spinning wildly in a silent abyss.
Grunting against the force of his spin, he reached down for the controls to the CO2 canister built into the pack of his spacesuit.
He groaned, not sure which way was up or down or back. He tried to right himself against the spin by firing in the opposite direction to slow his spin.
He could see the rocket now spinning in the opposite direction with the sudden loss of oxygen. He hoped the other astronauts were ok. He saw the silhouette of a jet fly past in the distance making its way towards the spinning rocket.
At least there was someone here to help.
Maybe the others would survive-
And then he just… stopped, coming to a confusing halt in the middle of space.
That shouldn't have been right!
He should have kept going forever!
He tried turning his head, but he felt like the pillsbury doughboy in this two thousand year old suit.
What was happening?
Well shit, now he sort of wished he could keep spinning.
There was a tugging on the outside of his suit, and Conn floated into view in front of his helmet.
"You are probably the last person I wanted to see."
He said, though he didn't entirely mean it, and unfortunately Conn knew that too, the mindreading asshole that he was.
"Shove it up your ass Conn."
He gave a rueful sort of smile as Conn grabbed him by the life support pack and started floating them towards the rocket.
The F-90s had somehow managed to slow the spin of the rocket, and pull it back on course with grappling magnets.
All around them space was filled with debris. No more working Thunderhawk’s were present and those that were were quickly being grappled. One sleek racing jet slowly cruised past them. One of its wings was damaged, but whoever was inside waved with one hand as he rolled past.
Adam lifted a hand as Conn brought him the last few hundred feet to the torn opening in the side of the ship, allowing him to step through.
Conn patted him on the side of the helmet,
Before blowing him a kiss and vanishing back out the hole.
Adam floated there, a bit nonplussed for a moment before turning back to the front of the ship where Chaves and Richards were still strapped into their seats staring at him and after Conn. He floated over to strap himself in.
"Admiral! You're ok!”
"Yes, it seems that I am, thanks to a... Friend of mine."
Just then Conn appeared again just before their right side window, and like the classy gentlemen that he was began rubbing his butt up against the glass.
He sighed,
"Friend is kind of stretching it."
"Apollo 11 this is Houston, do you copy!"
The man on the other end of the line sounded close to tears, and Adam hurried to respond,
"Houston this is Apollo 11."
On the other side he thought he heard the sound of voices cheering in relief.
"What is your status, over?”
"We are a bit beat up Houston, we have a tear in our hull, but our suits are ok, and we have help."
"Prepare to abort mission."
Adam frowned,
"Now wait a second there Houston! I didn't get sucked out the side of my own rocket to just quit now. Tell the boys to come up here and patch us up and we can finish the mission. All systems are still functioning, and we are back on course."
He glanced over at the others,
”That is, if the crew wants to continue."
There was a pause and then Chavez timidly piped in,
"I'd be ok with that."
Richards sighed,
"Roger Houston, patch us up."
Granted it may have been cheating. Apollo 11 hadn't had support with special tools that could just patch up a spaceship within ten minutes, but then again the original Apollo 11 hadn't been in the middle of a firefight while on their journey to the moon.
So it was with some trepidation that Houston allowed it, and before long they had air back inside the cabin back up to pressure, but they also had a sixteen-man rotating escort for the rest of the way.
The group of them were even shocked to see Rundi drones join the formation, only to learn that it had been the UN president who had allegedly called the hit on him. It was hard to believe, but they were only getting snippets here and then from over radio and from Conn, who floated around occasionally to rub another part of his anatomy against the window and give them teasing updates.
The moon was growing slowly in their vision.
"Hehe, I can see my house from here."
Adam remarked as they prepared to detach the lunar module from the rest of the ship.
They landed without incident, observed by mobile camera crews and news reporters as he made his own footprint on the never changing dust of the moon's surface. He gave them a thumbs up to let them know he was fine and hesitated only once before setting up the UN flag in the dirt. He refused to let his enthusiasm be dampened by the day's events and hopped around dancing and leaping for joy as another one of his childhood dreams was fulfilled.
…
That was before he plowed face first into the moon's surface and required help from Richards to stand back up again.
They left soon after taking another three days of escort back to earth before strapping themselves in for final entry.
Conn left them just as they were entering orbit with a very big and very drawn out middle finger for all three of them.
"Your friend is super delightful isn't he?”
"You don’t know the half of it, try having a child with him."
Adam muttered, refusing to elaborate even as they stared at him in confusion.
They fell from the sky and landed somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, picked up by the waiting navy vessel who was within nine miles of their landing site. They were fished from the water and returned safe and sound to the ship to cheers and cameras. Adam's legs felt a little like jelly after days of not using them, and he was finally able to relax lying on the deck of the ship under the sun as people ran around them on either side.
His hands shook slowly building up after the stress of the last week. He took long deep breaths and closed his eyes.
The next few days were going to be a real shit show.
And somehow it wasn’t because he was now known as the man who faceplanted not one, but TWO interstellar bodies…
The media was way to busy with the other story, a massive net of deceit and corruption that would now be uncovered.
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.
2024.05.15 16:32 sailorpussy My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing. Should I be concerned?
As the title says - My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing. We've been together since mid-march this year. He is buying his first property and yesterday 'with all of the excitement' as he says, he asked me if I wanted to come and I said yes. Yesterday we were supposed to meet around 10PM after my acting class and he didn't respond to my two calls around 9:30PM and 10:15PM, texting me back at 10:40PM saying he slept through his alarms. He was supposed to pack boxes and claims he just laid down and fell asleep. Now, I know this is going to sound weird but I love my boyfriend smell after a workday as he works a physical job so I asked him to not shower so as to have that lil twang. Come to find out he showered after his nap, saying that he didn't quite clean his privates so it'll still have the lil twang.
This morning I felt that he wasn't quite honest about his whereabouts even though his location (I know reddit's opinions about location sharing but I'm not tracking him, we share because he picks me up around town so its easier) said he was home. I was a bit upset about last night but we talked it through and we then started discussing our plans for the day. I ask when the notary signing is and he says around 10AM. I ask when he thinks he'll go and he kind of dodges the question, then says that he would rather go alone. I'm taken aback, I ask why and he claims its because he has been asking a lot of help from people, living with his parents and having his son, and this is one thing he actually wants to do on his own. I understand that he wants to take this endeavour alone but personally I would want my partner, as he puts it 'the woman he loves the most', to be next to me. I am not on the deed of the house in any way.
On the other hand, I suspect he uninvited me because he actually invited one of his female friends instead. This same friend that I met around May 4th and once alone with me said that she wouldn't mind if her boyfriend sleeps with other girls. The same friend that had her child's drawing of my boyfriend looking like a father figure to her two kids and his child on her fridge, and her own ex and father of her kids was not on the drawing (and THEY ARE ROOMMATES!). The same friend that only thanked my boyfriend for doing the dishes when I was the one that insisted when he wanted to leave after feeding the kids, and she witnessed me at the sink. The same friend he didn't tell me tried to ruin his good friend's relationship, and broke his best friend's heart and only told me after she treated me horribly.
My boyfriend once discussed buying her ex boyfriend's house shares since they aren't together anymore and they would pay a huge penalty if they sell on the current market. Then he started seeing me and focusing on our relationship. He claims he never really thought of the share buying or inquired about it, and never came back to her about it. Today he uninvited me from his signing of his new condo. He's also moving from 20 mins away from my house to 50 mins away from my house, which is actually closer to her. On one hand I understand buying there considering he loves the woods and that's where the affordable condo prices are. One the other hand he'll go from 50 mins away from her to 20 mins away from her. My feelings are honestly really hurt about being uninvited and the way he told me about it was super shifty, almost like he was hoping I'd forget he was going. And his weirdness yesterday is amplifying the doubt. I having trouble trusting him at this point.
TL;DR : My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing and I suspect he invited his female friend instead. I am concerned but everything is always explained away. I am tired.
submitted by sailorpussy to relationships [link] [comments]
This morning I felt that he wasn't quite honest about his whereabouts even though his location (I know reddit's opinions about location sharing but I'm not tracking him, we share because he picks me up around town so its easier) said he was home. I was a bit upset about last night but we talked it through and we then started discussing our plans for the day. I ask when the notary signing is and he says around 10AM. I ask when he thinks he'll go and he kind of dodges the question, then says that he would rather go alone. I'm taken aback, I ask why and he claims its because he has been asking a lot of help from people, living with his parents and having his son, and this is one thing he actually wants to do on his own. I understand that he wants to take this endeavour alone but personally I would want my partner, as he puts it 'the woman he loves the most', to be next to me. I am not on the deed of the house in any way.
On the other hand, I suspect he uninvited me because he actually invited one of his female friends instead. This same friend that I met around May 4th and once alone with me said that she wouldn't mind if her boyfriend sleeps with other girls. The same friend that had her child's drawing of my boyfriend looking like a father figure to her two kids and his child on her fridge, and her own ex and father of her kids was not on the drawing (and THEY ARE ROOMMATES!). The same friend that only thanked my boyfriend for doing the dishes when I was the one that insisted when he wanted to leave after feeding the kids, and she witnessed me at the sink. The same friend he didn't tell me tried to ruin his good friend's relationship, and broke his best friend's heart and only told me after she treated me horribly.
My boyfriend once discussed buying her ex boyfriend's house shares since they aren't together anymore and they would pay a huge penalty if they sell on the current market. Then he started seeing me and focusing on our relationship. He claims he never really thought of the share buying or inquired about it, and never came back to her about it. Today he uninvited me from his signing of his new condo. He's also moving from 20 mins away from my house to 50 mins away from my house, which is actually closer to her. On one hand I understand buying there considering he loves the woods and that's where the affordable condo prices are. One the other hand he'll go from 50 mins away from her to 20 mins away from her. My feelings are honestly really hurt about being uninvited and the way he told me about it was super shifty, almost like he was hoping I'd forget he was going. And his weirdness yesterday is amplifying the doubt. I having trouble trusting him at this point.
TL;DR : My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing and I suspect he invited his female friend instead. I am concerned but everything is always explained away. I am tired.
2024.05.15 16:27 sailorpussy My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing. Should I be concerned?
As the title says - My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing. We've been together since mid-march. He is buying his first property and yesterday 'with all of the excitement' as he says, he asked me if I wanted to come and I said yes. Yesterday we were supposed to meet around 10PM after my acting class and he didn't respond to my two calls around 9:30PM and 10:15PM, texting me back at 10:40PM saying he slept through his alarms. He was supposed to pack boxes and claims he just laid down and fell asleep. Now, I know this is going to sound weird but I love my boyfriend smell after a workday as he works a physical job so I asked him to not shower so as to have that lil twang. Come to find out he showered after his nap, saying that he didn't quite clean his privates so it'll still have the lil twang.
This morning I felt that he wasn't quite honest about his whereabouts even though his location (I know reddit's opinions about location sharing but I'm not tracking him, we share because he picks me up around town so its easier) said he was home. I was a bit upset about last night but we talked it through and we then started discussing our plans for the day. I ask when the notary signing is and he says around 10AM. I ask when he thinks he'll go and he kind of dodges the question, then says that he would rather go alone. I'm taken aback, I ask why and he claims its because he has been asking a lot of help from people, living with his parents and having his son, and this is one thing he actually wants to do on his own. I understand that he wants to take this endeavour alone but personally I would want my partner, as he puts it 'the woman he loves the most', to be next to me. I am not on the deed of the house in any way.
On the other hand, I suspect he uninvited me because he actually invited one of his female friends instead. This same friend that I met around May 4th and once alone with me said that she wouldn't mind if her boyfriend sleeps with other girls. The same friend that had her child's drawing of my boyfriend looking like a father figure to her two kids and his child on her fridge, and her own ex and father of her kids was not on the drawing (and THEY ARE ROOMMATES!). The same friend that only thanked my boyfriend for doing the dishes when I was the one that insisted when he wanted to leave after feeding the kids, and she witnessed me at the sink. The same friend he didn't tell me tried to ruin his good friend's relationship, and broke his best friend's heart and only told me after she treated me horribly.
My boyfriend once discussed buying her ex boyfriend's house shares since they aren't together anymore and they would pay a huge penalty if they sell on the current market. Then he started seeing me and focusing on our relationship. He claims he never really thought of the share buying or inquired about it, and never came back to her about it. Today he uninvited me from his signing of his new condo. He's also moving from 20 mins away from my house to 50 mins away from my house, which is actually closer to her. On one hand I understand buying there considering he loves the woods and that's where the affordable condo prices are. One the other hand he'll go from 50 mins away from her to 20 mins away from her. My feelings are honestly really hurt about being uninvited and the way he told me about it was super shifty, almost like he was hoping I'd forget he was going. And his weirdness yesterday is amplifying the doubt. I having trouble trusting him at this point.
TL;DR : My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing and I suspect he invited his female friend instead. I am concerned but everything is always explained away. I am tired.
submitted by sailorpussy to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
This morning I felt that he wasn't quite honest about his whereabouts even though his location (I know reddit's opinions about location sharing but I'm not tracking him, we share because he picks me up around town so its easier) said he was home. I was a bit upset about last night but we talked it through and we then started discussing our plans for the day. I ask when the notary signing is and he says around 10AM. I ask when he thinks he'll go and he kind of dodges the question, then says that he would rather go alone. I'm taken aback, I ask why and he claims its because he has been asking a lot of help from people, living with his parents and having his son, and this is one thing he actually wants to do on his own. I understand that he wants to take this endeavour alone but personally I would want my partner, as he puts it 'the woman he loves the most', to be next to me. I am not on the deed of the house in any way.
On the other hand, I suspect he uninvited me because he actually invited one of his female friends instead. This same friend that I met around May 4th and once alone with me said that she wouldn't mind if her boyfriend sleeps with other girls. The same friend that had her child's drawing of my boyfriend looking like a father figure to her two kids and his child on her fridge, and her own ex and father of her kids was not on the drawing (and THEY ARE ROOMMATES!). The same friend that only thanked my boyfriend for doing the dishes when I was the one that insisted when he wanted to leave after feeding the kids, and she witnessed me at the sink. The same friend he didn't tell me tried to ruin his good friend's relationship, and broke his best friend's heart and only told me after she treated me horribly.
My boyfriend once discussed buying her ex boyfriend's house shares since they aren't together anymore and they would pay a huge penalty if they sell on the current market. Then he started seeing me and focusing on our relationship. He claims he never really thought of the share buying or inquired about it, and never came back to her about it. Today he uninvited me from his signing of his new condo. He's also moving from 20 mins away from my house to 50 mins away from my house, which is actually closer to her. On one hand I understand buying there considering he loves the woods and that's where the affordable condo prices are. One the other hand he'll go from 50 mins away from her to 20 mins away from her. My feelings are honestly really hurt about being uninvited and the way he told me about it was super shifty, almost like he was hoping I'd forget he was going. And his weirdness yesterday is amplifying the doubt. I having trouble trusting him at this point.
TL;DR : My (27F) boyfriend (32M) has uninvited me to his notary signing and I suspect he invited his female friend instead. I am concerned but everything is always explained away. I am tired.