Throat and neck pain

For 7 years, she was everything to me. She was my best friend, my life partner, my intimate lover. Our connection was profound. My years with her were the happiest of my life. We had our issues, but I was always sure that our love was strong enough to overcome any problems together. I never thought I'd lose her.
I won't get into all the details yet again, but in year 7 she decided that her feelings for me had changed. She said she no longer wanted a romantic relationship, and I was crushed. Still, she wanted to be friends because our bond was too special and rare to just completely throw away, but I made that really difficult because I was unable to let go of my heartbreak over the loss of our romantic relationship. The more I struggled to get that back, the more she resented me for it and drifted further and further away.
One day we had an argument over text. I was angry, hurt and confused because she had been ignoring and ghosting me for weeks. She said that if she hasn't responded it's because she doesn't want to talk to me, and that my repeated efforts to communicate with her were only making it worse. I was feeling so hurt and abandoned. I missed my best friend. I couldn't find the strength to just back off and I kept trying to get through to her. She didn't appreciate my persistence. I tried to explain to her that I was just in pain, that I missed her and was feeling the loss of all we had shared. I asked her to please just be patient with me, please just be kind and speak with me but she wouldn't listen. She finally got really angry and told me not to contact her anymore. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her forever. I couldn't imagine being estranged from her. I insisted that we just talk and that we could figure it out, that I couldn't bear to lose her completely, even our friendship. She threatened to use the police if I didn't leave her alone, and she did.
In February, she filed charges against me. An automatic order of protection was issued along with the charges. To the readers here, please understand that I was just grief stricken. I was never a threat to her, never in my life would I be. I just couldn't bear to lose her forever so I desperately kept trying anything I could to repair the situation. She blocked and cut me off in every way. Completely disappeared. I'm in big legal trouble. I still can't wrap my head around how after all our years of love and happiness together she could take such steps to damage my life.
It seems like she convinced herself that I was someone I wasn't. She somehow forgot all we once meant to each other. That I loved her kids like they were my own. How my own kids loved her like their second mom, and she ghosted them too. She forgot how I was always there for her when she needed me. That I was there for her children in ways even their own father wasn't. She just erased me and never looked back. She used my cries for help against me. My life is ruined, and she never even cared enough to be there for me for even a moment to help me through my pain and grief.
I've been utterly unable to come to terms with all that's happened. It's been the most profoundly painful and damaging thing I've ever experienced. Not only her total loss, but the way she stabbed me in the back and left me to bleed out, hurting and alone. How I CAN'T contact her because she'll only use it to hurt me even further. It's all so senseless. It feels like I'm stuck in an alternate reality that should never have happened, a nightmare that never ends. It's changed me. There isn't a moment when she's not in my thoughts. I can't remember the last time I smiled. I've lost 12 pounds I couldn't afford to lose. I live in constant pain, torment, trauma and fear. It's affected my physical health.
I have no family aside from my children. I gave all of myself to her, all of my free time for 7 years, so I have no other friends. I am utterly alone to suffer all of this pain by myself.
I wish I had had the strength to just back off. Would it have changed anything? I don't know, but at least I would not be living in fear of criminal conviction just because I was in too much pain to resist trying to speak with her. Still, she didn't need to do this. I was never a threat to her. All I needed was some patience and kindness. I know she will never love me again and that hurts in ways I cannot even put into words. But all of these months later I can't seem to move on or escape from the agony of the loss and the damage that's been done to my life. Even if I could get her out of my thoughts, even if I could move past the wrongness of what's happened, the legal issues will keep me bound to it. I can't reconcile how she could ever care for me so little to do something like this to me.
What I now crave is closure. Catharsis. I want one final opportunity to sit with her one last time, hear her thoughts and feelings and tell her mine. I want answers. I want to know why and how she could do this to me. I don't want a confrontation, I want peace. I need that. I feel like I can't move on with the unresolved weight of all of this hanging around my neck. I can't feel at peace without making peace with her. With feeling that she hates or fears me. I need to be able to speak with her in order to close this chapter in a healthy way. But she will never give me that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of living in bear heartache and fear. A year ago I was so happy, and now I'm a broken shell of who I once was. Therapy isn't helping. Antidepressants aren't helping. I can't escape the pain of half of my soul betraying me, getting ripped from my heart and walking away without looking back.
Please help me.

~Part 3 Luna~
A woman like Chang’e lived on a moon. Far away.
You can refer to me as Luna.
At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with a severe nerve pain condition. It is called trigeminal neuralgia but you can call it TN for ease.
I was frustrated. I had completed a degree in international finances from Chongqing University of Business and Technology. The boom of the economy was not the same. There was an urge to “lay flat”—to not try as a form of opposition to everything going on in a waning economy in China.
All are elephants chained for an audience. People love to peek and stare as though they are glass doors without hinges—to be made feel useless.
I developed TN at the age of 19, and was now 22. It came as an arrow, and quite literally to the face. It’s a rare nerve pain disorder often considered one of the most painful conditions known.
The illness involves intense nerve pain throughout the left side of my face. It felt like someone was trying to pull all of the teeth on the left side of my face without anesthesia. The pain can leave me falling to the floor unable to speak or move while screaming profanities while choked by pain. A feeling of a knife to my face over and over again. It leaves me in absolute shock. Like Roman candles to the face. An absolute hindrance. The anticipation of not knowing when it will happen again is a nightmare at times.
The disease is often called the suicide disease, apparently up to 26% try to take their lives. In a state of panic during one of the nerve attacks I began swallowing any pill near to me. I went to the hospital to have my stomach pumped when I was found comatose by my mother.
I want to be Chang’e and on the moon and away from a world I have had enough of.
Gossip spread around the workplace that I attempted suicide over an affair with a married man. There was too much guilt to return to the workplace. COVID did have an impact to the economy. I still remember my hometown having dirt and trees piled onto the exits and entrances to the city keep people in their places.
The work I did find felt beneath me. China has what is called the great firewall that keeps something in and out of the country’s networks. A VPN was necessary to access American TikTok as it was used as opposed to the Chinese version.
Feels humiliating the nature of the outcome for me—I gave up in many ways like so many Chinese youth. For work I would go to a local office building. Amongst a long hall would be rooms for live stream performers. I would entertain with watchers while trying to obtain virtual gifts for actual money. I despised it—sometimes the conversation could be funny or interesting but it felt hollow.
I would paint flowers on my face and wear hanfu clothing while doing ASMR. Competing in battles while dress cute and facing off with others. I would encourage and flatter those that send virtual gifts that could be exchanged for gifts. I would message and ask for WeChat account numbers to talk to them and I would be an emotional prostitute pretending to love and be interested in them for the hopes of more gifts. Methods of manipulation would be used as in begging, guilt tripping a viewer, and love bombing them. Often middle aged men would pretend to be the female host.
I had a mind of sparklers burning until it burnt and stung like wax—like I had the option to stop and cry and those tears stuck as wax and burnt or I soldiered on and grew accustomed to the pain. I was an elephant chained. The audience watched and interacted with me on the live. I was a chained elephant when it was found out about my previous attempt and when the rumors spread.
Too many thorns in life. Nails hitting at the wrong points like an equation for something terrible to eventually happen—a life set to end in misery—a fate.
My favorite dish was Henan noodles. I often cooked it with my mom. It provides great memories of childhood. I hadn’t talked to my mother as much as before. She moved to a job in Taiyuan.
Sometimes I would go up to visit her. But it was harder as she worked more and more hours. Sometimes voids build even when going through extreme nerve pain. And with trigeminal neuralgia, the pain was so intense that I would freeze and scream in pain. It cannot always be hid. It made me an elephant tethered.
Life can be like a pressure like no other. Too much stress. Makes one feel irritable with a mouth like a sprinkler of napalm when someone is too close. Life feels like a lit fire cracker held—in the end it would tear my hand up. Things kept building while the other side of my face began to hurt too recently. This was rare and not so common. My eyesight was becoming blurry too and it seemed I might have multiple sclerosis as the pain was on both side, it was not common for my age, and the blurry eyesight. An appointment was scheduled and I felt terrified to know what was going on and wondered if it was best to not even know my health.
I walked out of the studio and had a cigarette. My boss came out and joined to talk. He was concerned about view count and wanted me to do things to increase it that made me feel uncomfortable. He made a few comments I found incentive.
The boss sure liked to criticize and apply pressure. He was not impressed with my work and thought I could do something different. In China an application is used called WeChat. This application has many uses. People can display and share moments like a Facebook wall, message each other, send money, video chat, and even has a feature to find people near to you who are also looking for people near to them. I was to attract people onto dates. The idea was they would be lured in and the men would go to a set destination to a planned tea house that served snacks. When the men arrived (they had no knowledge of the setup) the bill would be at an absurd rate and if the men refused to pay larger men would use their size to force them to pay up.
I was not sure at the time yet if I wanted the job. Being worried about ethics and safety. It was something I would have to think about.
My medical expenses were growing and I knew the nerve disease could be expensive to treat with surgery. All I had was thoughts while looking at the moon.

~Final~
I watched Luna from Zhengzhou. On a screen. My name is Luo. I tap away on my phone in a dormitory in a Foxconn factory. I was a migrant worker from Luoyang in the province of Henan. My wife was in Guangzhou and I was in Zhengzhou. Far from each other. We could not be together. We were migrant workers. In China we use Hukos—a government document used to list family members like a tree—and it determine where you were tied to geographically. I could only get access to government resources if residing in your home province that your family originates from. This meant my daughter could only go to school in the province and city she originates from. I was stuck in zhengzhou at a Taiwanese own factory making iPhones. It was during the pandemic. COVID and restrictions. Felt claustrophobic. Could not leave the factory grounds due to orders. But my alienation was okay—manageable. I did it via numbing myself via sending virtual gifts to Luna. Like a noose around my neck in debt.
Workers were getting mad because we weren’t being paid our allowances. And we found ourselves restricted to staying with workers who were positive for the virus. Anger was growing. And I was feeling upset like everyone else. Isolated on a moon with Luna to talk to.
Pressure grew—discontent. People rushed to the courtyard where people in hazmat suits came with batons to face a mob of angry workers. Shouting and throwing of projectiles. Chaos grew. I stood amongst them just as angry. Fists clenched.
The feeling towards Luna was polar to the situation at hand. I figured I would be pulled apart into shreds. Hooks everywhere. A piñata to be busted with all my anger and frustrations to fall out like candy for Luna to eat on. In three weeks I grew exhausted and found my own moon off the edge of a bridge —parasitical love is thin.

I've worn hijab since I was a kid, but as I'm getting older and dealing with immune system trouble my skin is now very sensitive to pressure, heat, and (most) fabrics. I am now dealing with perpetual hives/distressed skin around my neck and throat, and I think the way I wrap my scarves is contributing to the issue. Lighter, breathable fabric has helped but only partially. I've been able to adjust the rest of my wardrobe to accommodate this new normal, but I've been wrapping my scarves in the same way for 15+ years and am unsure how I can ease the distress on my skin.
Any advice for styles that are friendlier to sensitive skin around one's neck?

Anyone else out there with official BFS diagnosis in a lot of pain and hears a lot of popping coming from the joints?
I see a neurologist in 3 months to do the official tests, but it feels like I'm in more pain by the day. I go to the gym, I life heavy but even on days where I'm off and take a few days I feel like I'm in pain. My right foot hurts all the time. I get cramps and tightness of my right forearm. I have to hold my phone with both hands sometimes because the muscle between my right thumb and pointing finger starts to hurt after a while. My traps are constantly aching and i have pain running up through my neck.
I don't gear about pain a lot here, plus my brain is obsessed with MND so the logical part of me is saying there's no way this much pain and twitching can be benign.

Hi all, After reading a lot of post here recently, I kinda wanted to tell my story to give others perspective about treatment options. Obviously, this is MY story and everyone here is different. My experience will not be the same as yours, and I am not a doctor telling you to try these options. But I have had a lot done, and I think it might be helpful if people understand what they can try.
I appreciate everyone who reads even one section of this saga. I am happy to answer any questions that people might have. Again, this was my journey and these things might not be the best options for you. But I want to highlight that pain, itself, is not the disease. It is a symptom. Find doctors who will help you find the cause of it. Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint the source of pain, but there are options to try different things.
Part 1: How it Started
In 2007 I was 17 years old. During the summer, I got a job working as a bus boy at a reception hall. One night, I was sweeping the floor, nothing different than normal, but I suddenly had intense shooting pain down my hip and leg just from the way I bent down to sweep. That was all it took to set me off on what would be a long life of pain.
I remember the sciatica being really bad during this period. My parents and I were taking care trips to look at colleges and sitting in a car was torture. At some point they told me to see a chiropractor so I started doing that on a pretty regular basis. I went to college in 2012 and continued to have pain. There was always constant pain but I would always have times when it was much worse and it was painful to even walk normally. I recall having my parents visit and I was limping all day because I couldn't extend my left leg out fully.
I continued to see a chiropractor in the area for maybe two or three of the years I was away at school. Chiropractor never really helped though. During one of the summer breaks, I went to a chiropractor who had this decompression machine that would literally strap you down and pull you apart in an attempt to relieve pressure. It never helped. I am pretty sure by this time I already had an MRI done that probably showed some level of lumbar herniation so I guess that is why I wanted to try that type of treatment.
Chiropractics is not a legitimate science. I hadn't realized this until later in college (I was a biomed major). Their theories on spinal health do not align with known medical science. Some chiropractor align more with real medical science, but a lot of them only believe what the area of chiropractics says. I strongly recommend NEVER seeing a chiropractor, especially if you have back pain. It could be dangerous.
Part 2: The First Surgery and More Treatments
So when I graduated from college in 2012, I sought out an orthopedic surgeon. We did more MRIs. I can't recall if we tried anything more conservative first, but I did end up having surgery with him in 2013. We did a microdiscectomy and hemilaminectomy on both L3-4 and L4-5. Recovery from this was about what you would expect. Lots of bed rest for maybe 6 weeks or so, but I recovered well and went to PT for a couple of months. I think the surgery was successful in treating a lot of the serious sciatica I was having. But I was still having some level of back pain months and months after. I was then seeing the pain management doctor at the same office as the surgeon, and we tried a LOT of different additional things. Facet joint injections specifically, trigger point injections, medications. Nothing ever helped. I still have this pain in my low back and it was difficult to bend over without bracing myself, and there were times when I would get sciatic pain but not nearly as bad as it was before the surgery.
At one point I went to a rheumatologist because the pain doctor did some blood work and found I was positive for a gene that is related to ankylosing spondylitis. I was never actually diagnosed with this, but we tried to medications (I think maybe methotrexate but I could be wrong). The rheumatologist ended up putting me on humira, which looking back was a odd decision without actually officially diagnosing me with anything. Humira is a monthly injection, and I think after two months, my pain actually got a lot worse, and I stopped taking it and never went back to him.
For the most part after this, I was just taking Tramadol an naproxen to deal with my pain. I was going to the gym and doing what I could, but often the gym would exacerbate my symptoms. It was just difficult to do anything without feeling weak and obviously, it definitely contributed to some depression.
Part 3: New Pain Doctors and Spinal Cord Stimulator
In 2016, I got a new job that brought me into NYC and I now had access to great insurance and a wide array of great doctors. I found a new pain management doctor and tried a lot of things with him. He put me on Nucynta at some point, which is a narcotic, though I would only take it when I had break through pain. Pretty quickly, only a couple months after in 2017, we decided to try a spinal cord stimulator since I had already tried all these other things with other doctors.
I had to see a neurologist who would be doing the actual implanting of the device. I also had to see a phsychiatrist to get I guess "mental" clearance that I was in sound mind to be making this decision about a medical device implant. Not sure if that was just for the insurance or something the doctors also require. Before doing a full implant, they actually do a test run. I guess I had gone under general anesthesia for this, but they implant the wires (explained more below) and the wires come out of my skin to an external device and all of that is taped down to my low back. They do this so that they can make sure you actually get relief from the device before all the time, energy, and money is spent doing the full implant. I had it for a couple weeks, and decided to move forward. They had to remove the wires from me and scheduled me for just a regular office visit, and I was thinking well how the heck are they removing these wires from me. Well, it was very easy. They literally just pulled the wires right out of my back. Didn't feel anything. It was wild.
I have a Nevro brand stimulator impanted inside me shortly after. Surgery and recovery were as you would expect. I don't thinm recovery was as long as my back surgery was. There is a little 1x1 inch square box that sits above my right glute, around where my waistband would sit. There are two sets of wires that run over my spine to the left side (so I can actually feel the wires right under my skin at this part) and then they go between my vertebral space and then all the way up my spinal canal to my thoracic area. At the end of the wires (aka "leads") there are several evenly spaced electrodes and these are the functional part of the device. From what I understand, they send small electrically pulses very rapidly against my spinal cord and the idea is that these electric signals will over power pain signals coming from below, effectively making my brain blind to sciatic pain. It came with a remote to change the settings and a charger that uses a wireless pad that you hold over the box to charge. I had to charge it ever two or three days. The technician from the company does the initial set up (they device doesn't operate until you are recovered from the procedure and see the technician at your next office visit, I believe). The technician will turn the device on wirelessly and play with the settings and ask you to tell them when you feel something as the increase the magnitude of the stimulation. When you feel it, it does feel like a little electric buzzing in your back. But you aren't supposed to feel it at all, so they the turn it down just below where you felt the sensation. The remote has a couple different programs that I could change through that the technician programs, I guess changes in the frequency of the pulsing or things like that. I could also increase and decrease the magnitude within a set range, but for the most part I never messed with any of the settings. Nevro has a care team that I can contact at any time with questions or concerns and they will follow up with me occasionally to see how I am doing.
Part 4: Life After the Stimulator
I always had the stimulator on, and always said that it did help alleviate the residual sciatic symptoms I had, but I still had this low back pain that wouldn't go away. I continued to see the pain management doctor and we tried so other things. More trigger point injections, medications, etc. He had me on what is called "Low dose naltrexone" which is essentially a very low dose of an existing drug, used off label for chronic pain. It had to be specially made at a compounding pharmacy because the dose you need isn't commercially available. I tried that for a couple months and can't say it helped. In fact, I think it made me very nauseous a lot of the time. I remember I had to stop drinking coffee at one point because the taste of it would make me feel queezy, and one or two times I ran to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up. I decided to stop taking it.
After that, I mostly just lived with my stimulator and dealt with any pain I had (hadn't seen the doctor since 2020). I was going to the gym someone regularly at this point, but like before it would often increase my pain symptoms so I would need to take extended breaks from exercise.
Part 5: Recurrent Herniation
At the beginning of November 2023, I started to feel something new. I was starting to slowly get sciatic symptoms again and was having flashbacks of my symptoms when I was in college. I was starting to get sciatica in both legs, and my right foot would sometimes start going numb if I stood for too long. It was getting more and more severe. Within a few weeks, I had to stop commuting into work because the pain was getting so bad. I contacted my pain management doctor who I hadn't seen in years. Their office was telling me how since I hadn't been there in so long I had to be treated as a new patient and the first opening for a new patient was like 2 or 3 weeks out. I was pretty angry at them about this. I mean, this doctor did the implant of the medical device that I have...should that not exempt me from this rule? Its not like this was an appointment for an unrelated issue. Anyway, the first available appointment was with a different doctor, but I was desperate so I saw him. He was not helpful. I was basically begging for pain meds and he was like welllll the other doctor should really prescribe you something because he knows your case better. It was such a a waste of time.
About a week or two later I did in fact see my original doctor, and he had the Nevro technician come because he thought it could potentially be an issue with the device. The technician found that there was "impedence" on one of the leads, a couple of the electrodes weren't working as they should. So she did some adjustments to compensate for that. I have it a week or so, but that did not fix the problem at all. I stopped charging the stimulator altogether because it wasn't doing anything for me. I had to start using a cane to get around because if I was standing, I needed something to lean on so I didn't have to keep my back straight. It was getting very difficult.
The doctor had me get a regular CT done, because I cannot get an MRI due to the stimulator (the stimulator itself is actually MRI safe and I think most of them are not, but because of the issue with the electrodes, my Nevro care team told me I could not get an MRI). So I and the CT and I could see it myself. It was absolutely clear that there was a herniation at L4-L5. Clear as day. So I had a video call with the doctors assistance soon after and to my dismay, they suggested treatment was to get an epidural to reduce the pain. Here I am, knowing full well that my symptoms and the results of the MRI are definitely worthy of surgery, and they want to give me just an epidural. I asked her about surgery and she said something about not opting for surgery until exhausting other options. I said okay. After the call, I immediately reached out to my friend who worked at the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. She actually works with the director of Spinal Surgery. Immediately, I was in contact with him and his entire team and they moved quickly to get things moving. I regret not having reached out sooner.
Part 6: Prep for Second Surgery
So the first thing to do was get better imagining. Since the MRI was out of the question, I had to do something called a CT Myelogram. Oh boy this was not a fun diagnostic procedure.
You need to be accompanied to the appointment because they will be giving you some very light sedative. You are hooked up to an IV, and they bring you into a room with a special x-ray table that rotates so you can be either laying flat or raised up so you are nearly standing, and the X-rays can be taken from many different angles. The doctor there take a couple of initial scans to find the location where they go in. I am queezy just talking about it right now. What they need to do is inject contrast dye right into my spinal canal. An epidural goes AROUND your spinal canal, but for this they need to pierce the dura and go in.
So they do local anesthesia and then take quite a large needle and go in. It is painful because it is going so deep. But God, you can feel the piecing of the dura layer when the needle goes through. I immediately feel my body hating it. Then they inject the dye, and you can feel that sort of cold sensation spreading across your back. And then he takes the needle out. I start to get VERY hot and am about to pass out, so they put some ice on the bacm of my neck and give me a minute to come back down. They also gave me some IV zofran to help with nausea and some IV sedative for the pain Thankfully it passed. But that wasnt even the difficult part.
Next, they have to make sure the dye gets into all the crevices. So the doctor rotates the table to different angles and has you try and bend in specific ways. It was incredibly painful to do. When he had me in an almost standing position, and the pressure of the dye was increasing my leg pain beyond anything I had experienced so far. It was really difficult. But once they are satisfied with the X-ray that shows the dye has spread well, they send you to the CT scan. Once I was laying down again the pain subsided and I was feeling better. They did the CT scan and then rolled me back to the recovery room, and by the time I was back in there I was feels 100% back to normal and had no issues getting up and walking. So that was that.
The image results were very telling (gunna try and include them here or in a comment if I can). The point of this type of imaging is that the contract dye with spread anywhere that the CSF can go. You should be able to clearly see the space all around the spinal cord, and if there are spots where you don't see the dye, you will be able to see what is causing some problems. It was plain to see how severe this herniation was. It was compressing my spinal cord and pushing it all the way to the back of the spinal column.
So the doctor said we have two options. A microdiscectomy or a fusion. We decided to do a MD though I would be okay with a fusion. Well guess what, two days before the surgery the doctor changed his mind and said that after reviewing the imaging again the best course of action would be to do a fusion. I was very excited for that.
Part 7: The Fusion
So at the end of Feb 2024 I had my fusion done. It was your standard surgery, nothing too crazy. Recovery was tough though. Basically with a fusion, they take out the herniation and most of the disc and they put this rubbery block in there that contains bone graft. That is what is going to grow to fuse the two vertebrae, but that process can take a year to fully fuse the bones. So they put in four screws, two in each vertebrae, and join them together with rods. This holds the bones together completely so that they do not move independently. They are essentially fused at this point, but only with the rods.
For recovery, the first couple days were difficult, mostly trying to stand up from laying down because I had like no low back strength. The pain was also pretty constant so I was taking a lot of muscle relaxers and narcotics to help me stay asleep as much as possible.
The surgery area was quiet large. There were two large bandages and two small bandages and the entire area was covered in a large adhesive patch to keep everything clean and dry (it was also very orange from the iodine). So I could shower without worrying about it. Within two weeks I was moving around a lot better. I might have stopped using my cane at this point, though anything that required me to reach forward, like washing my hands at the sink, was difficult because it would require back strength. By 2 weeks, the bandage had because really really frustrating. The huge adhesive patch was causing my skin to become itchy and irritated, and I could see they I was starting to develop some red bumps like pimples underneath. Thankfully 2 weeks was the point I could remove it (after my first follow up call with the doctors team). So I took it off which was not easy. The whole area was soooo sticky, I tried to remove a lot of the stickiness with either rubbing alcohol, soap, or Vaseline. I was able to get a lot of it off but some stickiness still lasted for several days. There will tiny bandages over the incision sites that covered the stitches and those would eventually all fall off themselves. I had two larger scars at the top where they did most of the work of cutting out the disc and putting in the graft, and then two tiny scars lower down where I assume they put in the screws for the lower vertabrae. My back does not look pretty.
I started PT at four weeks was doing better but still had a weak back and was very cautious with my movements. Did PT for 12 weeks and made a lot of improvement. I was back to how I was. The fusion 100% fix the issues that this new herniation had caused, and it was such a relief to finally have a procedure that was totally effective. However, the back pain that I had already had for many many years was and is still there and I am still not certain what is causing it.
Part 8: Now
I am about 20 weeks out of surgery and am still doing great. I still do not use my stimulator and don't plan to, but having to get it removed would be a really huge pain. I have started to actually go to a gym again and life weights to stay active. I am mostly convinced that this low back pain I still have is really muscle related, caused by the years of instability, and that I can address it by strengthly my core muscles and following my PT exercises. I think a lot of these muscles issues, like trigger points, can mimic sciatic symptoms. Knowing what REAL sciatic symptoms feel like again, this pain doesn't feel like I have a herniation pushing on my nerves. So I am going forward with that in mind and trying to deal with this pain muscularly.
As for the fusion, I don't notice any new limitations in my movement. I avoid rubbing the area because I could feel the rods if I rub it hard enough. But I feel normal. I had a follow up with the doctor with another X-ray and everything looks great. I am hoping that this can be a turning point for me to really live as close to a pain free life as possible.

So Harley was sick a few weeks ago, with a head tilt and virtigo, she didn't have energy and wasn't drinking or eating much... She took a course of antibiotics and anti inflammatory medication and now she is back to her normal self, the head tilt is almost completely gone but I think she may be slightly disabled, she's able to climb like normal now but still a bit off balance. I've had safe climbing facilities in her small cage for her to rehabilitate on, which she has done well, she's back in the large cage which has been adapted to her needs, so I halved it so that she can't fall far but it's still big and she's in with Cookie and Belle... Cookie was very pleased to see her again.
Now the other problem that has come up is that Ginger, who had been losing weight for no apparent reason has suddenly gone downhill fast. She's found it painful to eat, seeming in pain after eating and finding it hard to swallow... She has been breathing heavy, crusting on her eyes and nose but no signs of rattling or wheezing... Her body is very boney but she has a large belly still... She collapsed last night and has no strength to climb anymore.. her poo has been jet black and like poo shaped tar... Her eyes look a bit like they are dark blood red inside... I have an appointment for her tomorrow if she makes it... She isn't eating or drinking anymore, not pooping and not peeing, she is not allowing anyone near her, she wants to be alone it seems :o/ I think she is definitely dying and this will probably be the end for her during the vets appointment sadly... Her tale is grey and cold, some fur is quite thin around her neck now too... How fast rats can go downhill is shocking... I wish I could make her feel better and keep going.

20f a single bloody spot appeared on my palm, it looks like it's bleeding undervmy skin but theres no pain and appeared out of nowhere. without any pain or itch, no trigger or anything. before I have had experienced little red spots throughout my palm any idea what it is or should I be worries?
I have been under treatment for prolactin, taking meds atm and i have been taking Kali phos as prescribed by th doctor for my breathing issues as he did not find anything wrong with my heart and lungs. and i have also had a swollen part on the back of my neck for two years but I've gone to doctors several times and they've all said it's nothing to worry about or it's subcutaneous fat. I can't send pics here so i tried my best to explain

Hello. I am very worried. My 5 year old son had some swollen lymph nodes in his neck. He has had this before but I noticed a few that were a little bigger than normal. I took him to the doctor. She said we should wait 2 weeks to see if they come down. But I have so much anxiety I asked for bloodwork and an ultrasound. His bloodwork all came back within normal limits. His ultrasound came back with right side: 3 lymph nodes (1.8 cm, 1.8 cm, and 2.3 cm) they all were “abnormal” and no “fatty hilum”. Left side: 3 lymph nodes 1.4 cm, 1.4 cam and 1.6 cm) but noted they were abnormal in appearance. The doctors office called and said he needs to been seen by ENT and oncology next week. I am a nervous wreck. I need some guidance. I am so worried for my baby!!!!! No other symptoms. No night sweats, itching, pain, swelling etc. he does have a wet cough but he has seasonal allergies.

I started coughing and getting a sore throat for over a week, but the last few days were just so severe (pain when breathing, coughing, talking, losing my voice) that I ended up needing to text my manager the night before my shift that I won’t be coming in. I’m a closer and work tues, sat, and sun and this happened friday night. Of course, i felt really bad messaging them since I didn’t work the past 3 days AND it was last minute, but it wasn’t as mild compared to last week since I was able to work during those times. I ended up visiting the clinic the next morning and the doc said I had a flu and couldn’t go to work for two days. I followed up with my manager by sending her a photo of my doctor’s note.
It’s sunday now and I still didn’t receive any reply since. I’m starting to feel that they’re upset at me, and expecting to be told something for when I return on tuesday. We are also short-staffed which I get. Is it common for managers to not respond? Should I be feeling bad about this?

Lydia awoke with Waldo screaming. Lydia quickly got up and activated the magic stones lighting the room, Lydia did not see a reason for him to be screaming and was about to wake him when he went quiet. Lydia wondered what had happened and as she watched him she became concerned he was not breathing but just as she was about to shake him away he started breathing again then he began to weep in his sleep saying “I would take it back if I could. I did not know what it meant. Please, I never meant for this.” Lydia watched over him for several minutes as he repeated this over and over. Lydia did not know why but after a while she embraced him gently.
“It is ok. We all make mistakes.” Lydia said quietly holding him. She did not entirely know why she chose to do this as she felt some concern over what he was apologizing for having done but something made her decide to stay with him. Eventually, he stopped and started sleeping peacefully. Lydia slowly fell back to sleep after he quieted and returned to a peaceful state.
Lydia awoke again with Waldo sitting dressed on the edge of the bed. “Good Morning.”
“Good Morning.” Waldo replied, turning to Lydia. “Sorry, if I woke you in the night. I do not always sleep well.”
“I can understand that. It took almost a year before I could sleep through the night.” Lydia replied.
“I brought breakfast up. Kna mentioned I screamed in the middle of the night. I rarely have a companion… So I did not know. I guess I was extra loud last night. I woke some other patrons.” Waldo said calmly. Lydia climbed out of bed and dressed herself as Waldo watched her but when she looked at him she felt he was lost in his own mind.
"Copper for your thoughts.” Lydia said as she started to lace up her dress. Waldo walked over to her and helped her.
“I thought I knew who I was…but I remembered things last night…” Waldo said hollowly. “I don’t know what I was fighting for… All that time as a soldier and now I remembered… what I learned before arriving here and it isn’t what I thought.”
“Do you want to elaborate?” Lydia asked.
“I am not sure I know how.” Waldo said and there was silence for a moment.
“Well, maybe you should stay here if you don’t know why you were fighting. At least, until you figure out what you want.” Lydia said and feeling better about what she had heard last night she kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thank you. I would stay for breakfast but I need to get to work.” Lydia said, grabbing a piece of bread with an egg off the plate.
“Have a nice day and I hope to see you later.” Waldo said, as she headed toward the door.
“Good luck today!” Lydia said, smiling and left. Waldo collected several things from his pack then stored it under the bed and took the plate of food to the common room where he ate slowly. Waldo noticed that Lydia was not in the common room as he ate breakfast. Waldo did not have to wait long after finishing his breakfast before Strisk arrived.
“Good Morning!” Strisk waved at Waldo moving across the common room.
“Greetings Strisk.” Waldo replied standing and moving to meet him.
“Are you ready to go down to the training grounds?” Strisk asked.
“Yeah, let’s head out.” Waldo said, motioning for Strisk to lead the way.
“Are you in a hurry?” Strisk asked, leading Waldo out.
“No, nothing like that just…” Waldo stopped in the door exiting the inn as he looked out into the city. Waldo had expected Protham to be small but realized it had been dark when he arrived and late that is why he had not realized how expansive it was. Waldo saw a wall sixty or seventy feet tall. Waldo stepped into the street and could see a gate two hundred or so feet down the road in one direction and in the other there was what appeared to be a small square. “How big is Protham?”
“It is just a small village, only five thousand or so. Most people are employed in fishing the lake or harvesting trees.” Strisk replied. “The gnolls recently opened a college here… Something about ley lines and increased power, but that is not my expertise.”
“I am surprised they even care about the ley line. The planet is so saturated with magic I would have thought everyone can easily use it.” Waldo responded.
“I wouldn’t know about that. Are you a mage?” Strisk asked.
“I cannot use magic… I can still feel it pooling.” Waldo said, wondering why he could feel it still since he now knew he could not use it. “It must be something to do with the leveling. I wonder if there is a construct powering the whole system.”
“You are suggesting a magic artifact causes people to level?”Strisk asked, shocked at the strangeness of the idea.
“Um… So I assume it is a mage college of some kind they opened?” Waldo asked, trying to change topics.
“Yeah. I would have suggested going and seeing the head there about your teleporting but from what I have heard they see almost no one who isn’t a student.” Strisk said, starting to walk down the street. Waldo followed, taking in the people and the streets. Waldo noticed most people were gnollish he saw drakes as well but it seemed to be ten to one.
“Lydia said you are a Drake. I have never learned to identify the scaled races apart from one another. It appears that Protham is mostly gnolls and Drakes. What makes a drake a drake and not say a lizardfolk?” Waldo asked, carefully.
“Lydia is right. I am a Drake. Lizardfolk always have tails. Drakes rarely have tails and those that do have a tail almost always have wings. That is usually the easiest way to tell us apart but it is more nuanced. A healthy Drake’s scales are vibrant, we stand out. A healthy lizardfolk has duller scales. Drakes can have horns or spikes across their head and back but never hair. Lizardfolk never have horns but can grow spikes. Usually they grow something more like a fin, which can be over their head or even down their chin to their chest. All the facial features are nuanced except the eye. Drake’s eyes face forward. Lizardfolk’s eyes face out enough to easily tell if you look at them.” Strisk explained calmly. “Kobolds are short but look like Drakes with a tail and all the other scaled races have gills.”
“Thank you. I realize that might have been rude to ask but I assume it is ruder to make a mistake.” Waldo said as they continued to make their way through the mostly empty streets.
“Most drakes consider it the pinnacle of rudeness to mistake us for the lizardfolk. Well the lizardfolk seem indifferent. I once saw a short Lizardman get mistaken for a Kobold and they laughed about it. Well a few days ago I had to break up a bar fight cause a gnoll called a drake a lizard.” Strisk said. “My people need to calm down about being mistaken for another race. Most cannot even tell the other races apart. No offense, but I assume you are a human because Lydia is one without looking at your ears, which are currently covered by your hair you could pass for an elf in my eyes and if you told me you were a dwarf I would believe it… even though, I think you are too tall to be a dwarf.” Waldo laughed at Strisk’s words.
“An elf you say?” Waldo said, smiling and moving his hair from over his ears. “I am a human. However, I can understand the confusion. Even among humans it is possible for some to mistake another human as one of our kin races.”
“Kin race?” Strisk asked.
“Yes, races that share certain broad features and where half races are possible.” Waldo said.
“Then would Drakes not be a Kin race.” Strisk asked.
“You ever seen a half human and half drake?” Waldo asked.
“Well no, but I was told it was possible.” Strisk said, wondering.
“Possible for our race's women’s bodies to respond as if they are creating a blend. However, it is largely my understanding no blend has survived birth. Maybe one is out there but largely our internal anatomy; bone structure, organ placement, organs in general, and finer points don’t blend into something that survives birth if a pregnancy occurs which to my knowledge is extremely rare and usually it is a half race not a full where that can occur according to one report I read most mothers die in labor if they carry the blend to term and the child still dies.” Waldo said calmly. Strisk stopped.
“How do you know this?” Strisk asked. Waldo thought about it for a moment. Realizing he did not know how to explain having millions of years of knowledge on hand a little surprised he had so easily recalled something from another life. As he thought about it he wondered how he could so easily access it. Then he knew. Four of his prior selves had learned to build a mind palace. When the Orc had implanted all the memories, those four had combined their knowledge and laid out everything, which made him wonder how he knew about the interbreeding of humans and drakes, which brought forth the memories of four doctors. One of which was drake. Strisk watched as Waldo stared off into the distance. Suddenly, Waldo went pale and threw up in the street. “What the hell?” Strisk said, jumping back to avoid getting splattered.
“Sorry.” Waldo said, feeling queasy. Waldo pushed the doctor’s memories away realizing he was not ready to go exploring all the memories aimlessly. Waldo pulled out his hip canteen and washed his mouth out. Spitting the water down a nearby drain “Damn. I was hoping to not have to eat until dinner. I assume the interview will have a combat skills test?” Waldo asked, looking at Strisk.
“Well yes, but what was that?” Strisk asked, feeling the response was unjustified for his question.
“Oh, right, your question. Um… I went to a memory I should have left alone. I was thinking about my time studying… when I strayed into an incident.” Waldo said, trying to explain without lying.
“An incident?” Strisk asked.
“I expect there are things you have seen as a city guard you would rather not remember.” Waldo replied, carefully.
“Oh… you mean something like that. I can understand that. Let’s continue on. Just another block or so.” Strisk said, letting Waldo follow him. Neither said anything until they got to the city's barracks. They had crossed near the center of town and were now at a lakeside gate that had a training arena with a large gatehouse next to it.
“How many positions is the guard filling?” Waldo asked as they approached the building.
“We are adding five new full time positions in hope of growth due to the mage college, three part time, and around fifty new reservists.” Strisk said and then opened the gatehouse’s front door.
“Good Morning, Strisk!” A female voice behind the counter greeted as they entered.
“Good Morning, Violet.” Strisk replied. “Is Trag in?”
“Yes, he got in a bit ago and…Who are you?” Violet asked, staring at Waldo as he entered the gatehouse.
“Waldo Winter.” Waldo said, step into the room and bowing slightly to the human girl behind the counter.
“He is with me. Violet. He arrived in town last night under strange circumstances.” Strisk said.
“Is he why you are meeting with Trag this early?” Violet asked, keeping her eyes on Waldo. “Is he a criminal?”
“Yes to the meeting with Trag and not as far as I am aware. You haven’t done anything illegal have you?” Strisk asked, grinning Waldo.
“Admittedly, I have not read your legal code, but assuming it follows traditional patterns of legal codes for structured societies. Not in this city. At least, I very much doubt I have.” Waldo said, smiling lightly at Violet.
“What are you doing here then?” Violet asked.
“Apart from identifying myself to local authorities due to the strange way I arrived. Hopefully, applying for a job.” Waldo stated. Violet frowned.
“Are you applying for citizenship in Protham or just submitting notice of intent to work in Protham?” Violet asked.
“Notice of intent to work, at this time.” Waldo replied, moving up to the desk as Strisk stepped away. Violet handed him a sheet of paper and pulled out a second enchanted page.
“Good luck finding work here. There are not many jobs outside of scribe, barworker, or general laborer for humans in Protham. The Drakes and Gnolls are larger and stronger than humans naturally and they are basically hiring enforcers right now.” Violet whispered to Waldo. “Where are you staying?”
“The Spriggan Inn.” Waldo said, looking at the form, surprised he could read it. As he started to fill out the form he remembered a passage about grown arrivals passing between world and being gifted languages of the worlds they arrived on from death. Waldo tried to remember the author's reasoning for the gift but could not. Waldo wished he had learned written gnollish languages but had only learned their spoken languages.
“How did you come to be there?” Violet said, showing surprise.
“Long story short…Some sort of teleportation accident.” Waldo answered, focused on completing the form.
“Wow… Lucky.” Violet said, thinking it strange he appeared in the only inn with a human working in it in Protham.
“Yes, but I suspect there is a good reason for that.” Waldo said, handing her the completed form.
“You how to read Grofeas gnoll?” Strisk asked, looking at Waldo holding the form out to Violet. “You said you had not heard of this country last night.” Violet took the form looking suspiciously at Waldo.
"No, I am familiar with other gnollish written languages and this is close enough to them that I guessed. Please check that and make sure my responses make sense.” Waldo said, looking at Violet. Waldo smiled at his omission. He was familiar with several gnoll written languages and had learned a few key words like bathroom, food, and price but had not even memorized their alphabet. Violet started to look over the document carefully. Waldo noticed the enchanted page on the desk had a picture of his face on it now with a list of several things about him, such as height, an approximate weight, and the like. Waldo heard a low growl with several inflections. Waldo looked at the gnoll standing by Strisk.
“Would you mind repeating that? I am not sure I quite heard what you said, because I thought you called me a fur lover.” Waldo said, looking narrowly at the gnoll. The gnoll made several more growls at Waldo. The gnoll had reddish brown fur and stood a little shorter than Strisk. Waldo thought the gnoll would probably be considered extremely handsome among gnolls. He was well groomed and clearly muscled under the fur. He even wore a steel breastplate that was polished to a shine. Waldo saw a stamp over his right peck that appeared to be a runic enchantment.
“Because I am not. I learned it at the time because my life depended on it. The gnolls I met were not as affluent as you are here and only knew one language. Their own. I had to learn it or live without speaking. Their treatment of me would have killed me if I had not learned their language. They knew next to nothing of humans and were a tribe secluded in the mountains. They meant well, but due to the harsh circumstances of the location I was slowly dying from starvation and exposure. It took four weeks to learn enough for rough communication after which I found them to be extremely friendly and curious. I spent two years with that tribe before making contact with a human settlement in the area. I managed to broker a peace there because I learned gnollish. So I continued my education and have since learned various spoken dialects.” Waldo responded to the newcomers' growls calmly.
“Why don’t you respond in gnollish?” The gnoll asked, changing languages. Waldo growled back in several inflections and moved a hand. Violet had noticed hand movements when gnolls growled and never associated it with them speaking but Waldo’s movements were so pronounced she realized it had to be part of the gnollish language. “Fair enough. I am Captain Trag. Strisk says you are a soldier.”
“Wait what did you say?” Violet asked Waldo.
“Violet. Don’t be rude.” Strisk chided, curious himself but having held himself back.
“I am sorry. I have just never seen a non-gnoll speak gnollish” Violet said, almost involuntarily. Trag slapped Strisk across the back of the head.
“Strisk, she is our scribe, do not order her around.” Trag said, smiling. Waldo got the sense that Trag did not like Strisk.
“I explained human throats are not well formed for the gnollish language, which hurts my throat the more I speak it and makes my accompanying hand movements more pronounced than is proper.” Waldo explained to Violet.
“Can you teach me?” Violet asked, seeing how beneficial it would be to know gnollish in her job.
“We can talk after the interview.” Waldo said, smiling at Violet.
“Right, sorry. Thank you.” Violet replied looking over at Trag apologetically.
“Excuse me for interrupting your conversation Violet. I will make sure to send Waldo back once we are done.” Trag said, smiling at Violet then turning to Waldo. “What level of soldier are you? Or is it some other fighting class?”
“I don’t have any levels in fighting classes.” Waldo replied.
“And you want to be a city guard?” Trag said looking angrily at Strisk who looked at Waldo surprised.
“Wait, are you a medic of somekind?” Strisk asked, remembering the other night.
“No, just give me a chance. We should go to the training ground if combat assessment is to be a large part of this process.” Waldo stated, a little surprised they had started asking questions in the entrance.
“It is. We can train you in Protham legal code, but we rarely do combat training for our guards; most people come to us with twenty or more levels in a combat class, when they are applying to be a guard.” Trag stated, as Waldo opened the door.
“Where I come from people do not rely on the leveling systems for combat training.” Waldo started walking to the training grounds as Trag and Strisk followed.
“Where are you from?” Trag asked.
“Halcyon. Heard of it?” Waldo asked, knowing the reply.
“Nope.” Trag replied, thinking this human could never keep up with a gnoll or drake in a fight. “What are you wearing?” Trag asked, no longer able to hold back the question as the human looked very strange to him.
“Desert Armored Combat Fatigues, my throwing knives, combat knife, an assortment of tools I have found useful over the years, and a magic sling.” Waldo said, touching different things on his body. “The armor is stab resistant and there are several metal plates spread out in the fabric. If I get the job I would like to wear this until I can afford to get some locally made gear.”
“A magic sling?” Trag asked.
“Yeah, but I have limited ammo for it. It only works with special magic ammo and I doubt you have that here.” Waldo replied.
“Have you heard of a magic sling Strisk?” Trag asked.
“No, that is new to me.” Strisk replied. “I thought you could not use magic.”
“I cannot not cast a magic spell but this is an artifact. I could teach anyone to use it. If I had unlimited ammo or access to a bullet manufacturer I would be happy to show it off but I only have ninety rounds for it.” Waldo explained.
“How long have you been a soldier?” Trag asked, Waldo had seen himself in a mirror and knew they would not believe the truth. Waldo looked like he was in his prime but Halcyon slowed aging massively Waldo was older than any human got to normally and he was still unsure if he had died or Death’s healing had further reduced the effects of aging.
“Nine years.” Waldo replied, pushing it as far as he thought he could. Waldo had put his age down as twenty nine on the form, but knew he looked closer to twenty now. “I expect I will be sparing with one of you?”
“No, we are waiting for your sparring partners. I sent for two reservists. They generally are not needed for regular guard shifts and if they are injured it should not interfere with their regular jobs.” Trag stated, show us how good you are with throwing knives.
“Alright.” Waldo said, pulling four of the weighted knives from their sheaths. Waldo carried twelve in all. Four on his left leg, two on each arm and four on his chest. Waldo started by juggling the knives as he moved into position to throw them. Waldo smoothly plucked them out of the air as he was juggling them and launched them one after another in quick succession down the lane, with the knives sinking deep into the wooden target in a tight group.
“For having no skills that is pretty good. Now for the moving targets.” Trag said, with Waldo looking back at him as he pressed a button. Waldo watched as the targets began to move side to side. Waldo could tell this was intended for arrows as the range was longer than he would usually throw when it came to moving targets.
“May I move up or do you want me to throw from here?” Waldo asked.
“Tark throws from there.” Trag replied, Waldo grabbed two more knives, throwing them half a second after looking back at the target. Both landed bullseyes but Waldo could feel the strain on his muscles. He was not used to this distance. Waldo pulled two more and turned his back to the targets. Waldo slowly strafed toward the center of the range as he had started to the right side. After a moment making sure to give the targets time to move he spun around and with one hand launched both knives. One landed in a bullseye, but the other fell short. Waldo turned his back to the targets and drew all of his remaining knives placing them at the ready in one hand. Waldo turned and threw three and turned back around quickly. He heard 2 thuds and one that was a clang. He was not sure what the third had hit. Waldo spun around and sent his final knife down the lane hitting another bullseye. The three quick throws were not bullseyes but they had all hit targets.
“That is all the throwing knives I carry.” Waldo said. “Shall I collect them?”
“No, Strisk go get the knives and report back on how deep they are.” Trag said, turning the moving targets off. Waldo moved over to Trag as Strisk retrieved the knives. “Only one complete miss, that is not bad. If you are hired then we are gonna have to replace the knives with some weighted rods. We can issue you some bolas while on duty. Unless a kill order is issued, but most the time we will expect people to be taken alive.”
“Understandable. What is a bolas?” Waldo asked.
“It is three pieces of rope tied to each other on one end and has a weight on the other side. When throwing it, the intent is to hit a person's legs and if it works correctly it will wrap around a fleeing person’s legs and trip them. In town it can be tricky to use and for people they have lighter weights. It was originally used to hunt various animals on the plains. If the weights are too heavy they can break bones.” Trag said, explained. “What class are you?”
Waldo had been preparing for this question since they had asked him earlier. “Diplomat.” Waldo replied.
“You have no levels in a combat class but you are a diplomat as a soldier?” Trag questioned.
“When I use skills from it as a soldier it is generally in interrogations, but my personal goal was to try and find less violent solutions to my nation's disputes. So, I ended up becoming a diplomat. The times I acted in that capacity I was glad to have trained as a soldier. Few people seem to want peaceful resolutions. So as a diplomat I have often been met with violence.” Waldo explained twisting the truth. They stood in silence as they waited for Strisk to finish retrieving the knives. Strisk handed Waldo eleven of the knives and Trag one of the knives.
“Six perfect hits. Three near perfects. Two hits. One miss. Ten hits were all very deep. The one that made the clang hit a metal frame holding the target. It dented the metal and chipped his knife.” Strisk reported as Waldo sheathed the eleven knives he had been handed. Waldo looked at Trag just in time to catch his face returning to a neutral state after what Waldo believed to be a frown.
“How is your hand to hand combat proficiency?”Trag asked.
“I am an expert with a knife, however, I could easily swap it out for a padded baton. It would be harder on me, but I am sure I can hold my own.” Waldo said, showing the knife sheathed across his lower back and trying to determine Trag’s mood. Trag examined the knife and could see it was custom made for Waldo and well used.
“Strisk, you are good to go on patrol. Your partner should be ready about now.” Trag said, with a hint of sadness.
“I was hoping to stay and see him fight the reservists.” Strisk said, a little excited and as Strisk said that it clicked for Waldo.
“No one is coming. To test my combat proficiency.” Waldo said, calmly. “Sorry, Strisk. I should have known better.”
“We should go to my office and talk.” Trag said and handed Waldo the chipped knife Strisk had handed him.
“Wait, why?” Strisk asked, Trag.
“Politics, Strisk. Guardsmen are just a little political, which means Trag cannot hire another human. Especially, not in a citizen-facing role.” Waldo said, with a smile. “Am I right?”
“Violet, is our scribe. Citizen’s see her.” Strisk said looking confused.
“Violet is my scribe. She assists with filing and compiling guardsmen reports. She has only covered the front desk on a few occasions and usually it is to give another scribe a break or chance to go to the bathroom.” Trag stated.
“Strisk, thank you for introducing me to Captain Trag. I truly appreciate this opportunity. I would be happy to speak to you in your office Trag.” Waldo said, smiling at both of them.
“Sorry, Waldo… I didn’t realize.” Strisk said dejectly. Waldo laughed lightly.
“You have done no harm at all and even helped me file documents I needed to in order to stay. You introduced me to your Captain. Strisk, you have been nothing but helpful. Please do not feel sorry.” Waldo said, smiling at Strisk.
“Thanks, I guess I should get going.” Strisk said, clearly feeling better. “Sir. Waldo.” Strisk said, nodding his head to each of them and leaving. Trag started heading towards the guard house and motioned for Waldo to follow, which Waldo did in silence. Trag opened the door and sure enough Violet was no longer at the front desk. There was a male Drake scribe sitting behind the counter.
“Sir.” The drake said, standing up to greet them. Trag waved his hand and the drake sat back down. Waldo followed him up a set of stairs and down a hall to an open room with three scribes working on various documents on a table big enough for four, one of which was Violet.
“Your morning report sir.” A female gnoll scribe said, smiling at Trag and holding a folder. She noticed Waldo and her demeanor changed slightly. She glanced at Violet as Trag grabbed the folder.
“Thank you. I have a meeting for a few minutes. Is there anything urgent?” Trag gestured at Waldo. The scribes all looked up and gave a negative nod. “If needed you may interrupt us.” Trag said, opening his office door and leading Waldo into his office. It was a plain room. There were several chairs facing the back of the room with a large desk and chair behind it facing the door. There were two sturdy looking bookcases organized with an assortment of documents. The room was clean and orderly. A couch sat against one wall with a window behind it that had shutters and Waldo noticed a plain axe with a rope next to it leaning against a bookcase. “Please take a seat.” Trag said, opening the folder as he moved around the desk and sat down. Waldo sat across from him. They sat in silence as Trag read over a few reports. “Thank you for your patience.” Trag said look up from the report.
“Anything important?” Waldo asked.
“No, just the normal going on. Except for you of course.” Trag said.
“Yeah, I made a surprising entrance last night.” Waldo agreed.
“Teleportation has a tendency to create some alerts. If Strisk had not reported your arrival last night, the guard may have interrupted your welcome to our fine city.” Trag replied.
“That report is more thorough than I would have liked.” Waldo stated.
“Kna is a friend and Aer is a gossip.” Trag replied.
“I should have waited in the common room. We could have talked last night.” Waldo guessed.
“Doubtful, but I would have known your face this morning if you had.” Trag stated.
“I had hoped this was an offer for contract work of some kind.” Waldo said, frowning slightly.
“It still might be. I have not determined what to do about you.” Trag replied.
“Oh, well is there something you would like cleared up?” Waldo asked, smiling.
“Kna is worried about one of her barmaids. Aer has never seen her friend respond so positively to someone so quickly.” Trag stated, calmly. Waldo knew they were straying into dangerous territory.
“I have never responded to another human as positively.” Waldo replied, honestly.
“Just two soulmates meeting for the first time?” Trag asked, Waldo jerked in surprise at the word reacting before he could stop himself. Waldo realized Trag did not mean it the way he had taken it but it was too late. Trag had been watching him closely and was now looking unsure at Waldo. “I think you have some explaining to do.” Trag said, prepared to strike. Waldo leaned forward and placed his head in his hand dropping his show.
“This cannot under any circumstances leave this room. If you have listeners they need to stop. If you have a way to make the room secure. I will tell you enough to know why.” Waldo said, unsure of what would happen next.
“What, so can you kill me in silence?” Trag asked, feeling concerned about this stranger's response.
“If you want to tie me up feel free, but I am not talking until I am confident the secret won’t leave this room.” Waldo said, sitting back and calming his nerves. Waldo was trying to figure out how to explain this with as little lying as possible. Waldo wondered if he could avoid lying all together. Trag hesitated for a minute then opened a drawer and pulled out a small box. Trag said a command word under his breath and the box activated.
“Alright, we are alone and no one can see or hear us. This better be good or I won’t keep your secret.” Trag said.
“Have you ever been in love so much it hurt your soul?” Waldo asked.
“What?” Trag asked, surprised.
“I have. If I had understood this was possible. If I had known. I would have done so many things differently.” Waldo said, deciding to be as honest as he felt he could. “I thought she was dead. I joined the wrong people to get vengeance. To make it stop. In doing, so I pissed off some really powerful people. I thought my master was strong enough to protect me and I thought I was powerful enough to protect myself. I want to tell Lydia so bad. I want her to remember our time together. Every second we spent together. If I had magic this would be so easy but using magic to accomplish it would be wrong.” Waldo said, with tears in his eyes. “I wish I could just show her. However, the people I pissed off took my ability to use magic. I did not even know that was possible.” Waldo said, holding out an open palm. “Light.” Trag felt magic tug slightly, but nothing happened. “They took my magic so I could not interfere. When they did that I thought they would send me to a prison cell or some equally horrible place. They cursed me with unwanted knowledge I can barely grasp. Part of my mind is still trying to rip itself apart. But instead of sending me to a desert. They toss me like I am nothing and I land inside Spriggan Inn, in Protham barely even hurt. I did know she was the same soul at first. Standing in the dim light of the inn. She looks the same. Alive working as a barmaid in a place I have never even heard of. She doesn’t even remember me but she was drawn to me just like I was to her all those years ago.” Waldo said. “Kna is worried I might hurt her and honestly so am I. However, if we are to separate again I would have her tell me to go. It would be the most painful thing I ever do but I would leave if she asked. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but I have found my dead lover again, my soulmate and I never thought I would see her. She died so I figured that was it. I did not know about the cycle but now I do. So please give me the chance to win her.” Waldo finished with tears at the corners of his eyes. “Please, I am begging you.” Trag knew Waldo was leaving part out but felt he was being honest and looking at Waldo Trag knew he held this man’s life in his hands at this moment. Trag looked at Waldo and activated several skills he had for conversations like this. Trag knew Waldo did not intend harm at this time or harm to his city.
“For the moment. You have convinced me.” Trag said, still slightly concerned, something about him bothered Trag, but Trag was confident the stranger would be unlikely to deliberately cause problems in Protham.
“Thank you for giving me a chance. I will prove I mean no harm.” Waldo said, starting to recover his composure. Trag grabbed the rope and axe, placing them on his desk.
“Do you know how to cut down a tree?” Trag asked.
“Yes.” Waldo replied.
“As captain of the guard. I am allotted two trees every year. The town allows me to do as I will with the tree tokens, I am issued. The mill will pay me five gold per token on average. However, If I cut the tree down and turn in the tree with the token they will right now pay eight gold. If you cut a tree down and turn it in for me. I will let you keep two gold coins of those eight.” Trag stated placing a token on the table.
“Sounds like a good deal.” Waldo replied.
“Have you hunted boar?” Trag asked.
“I have hunted. Not specifically boar but I am familiar with the complexities they present.” Waldo replied, wondering where this was going.
“Currently, we have a boar problem on the western road and several groups have been attacked by boars. It is quite troublesome. Protham does not have an adventuring guild and most hunters will hunt safer game or only kill one or two boars at a time. You can rent a hand cart for a day for three coppers at the docks. Usually they are used to transport fish around town. They are sturdy carts and can hold several hundred kilos. There are several blacksmiths in town that sell quality steel tipped javelins, for a silver. Now they are not perfect for hunting boar but they should work well enough. Currently, I have placed a bounty on boar kills of a silver per boar jaw turned in. We will even buy the dead boar for one and half coppers per five pounds. However, you could show us the boar, collect the silver, then most local butchers will buy dead boar for two copper per five pounds. Those are the current rates for whole boars” Trag explained.
“Sounds like I have a tree to chop down.” Waldo said standing.
“Out the main gate past the mill and then pick an un-worked tree the taller the better. They pay less for trees shorter than twenty feet and more for trees taller than twenty five feet. If you are willing to search there are some forty and fifty footers out there. I expect six gold regardless.” Trag stated.
“Why are you doing this?” Waldo asked.
“It is not one thing. Lots of little things adding up. Kna is a friend and Lydia is important to her. Kna knows I cannot employ you as a guard. This keeps you out of trouble. Solves a problem for me and if you work hard. Kna might start to like you. I was not going to be able to cut my second tree down before the end of the year. There are more reasons, but in the end, I see no downside for me giving you this chance.” Trag stated plainly.
“Well thank you. I appreciate this.” Waldo said and picked up the axe smiling.
“Good Luck. I plan to eat dinner at Spriggan Inn. So if you get back after sunset you can find me there.” Trag said, gesturing for Waldo to leave.
“Thank you, again!” Waldo said, leaving. After he closed the door he looked for Violet but she was not there. Waldo headed to the stairs back to the entryway. Violet wasn’t there either so he left a message for her and headed back to the Inn. Waldo wanted to ditch his armor before heading out to cut down a tree.

First / Previous
Jori stood at the edge of the alleyway, pressed up against the wall of The Wandering Fowl as she peered into the narrow street’s depths. Humming echoed from within; a soft, gentle tune that originated from the girl that stood on the snow covered path.
Her sister.
Aria’s attention was not focused towards the end of the street, but rather on the large furred beast in front of her. The auroc groaned gently as the girl moved her brush, patting the bovine as she was lost within the rhythm of her own tune. She reached up and scratched the beast behind its horn, provoking a satisfied bellow from the large animal as it nuzzled up against her. Aria’s giggle broke her melody, ringing out with the same innocent tone that a child’s laugh could only produce.
Just like any other girl.
Pain panged in Jori’s heart, a dull ache that still possessed enough bite to make her clutch at her chest. She looked towards the ground, eyes focusing on the sack that sat at her feet. Its cloth had been pushed to its limit, burgeoning from what had been stuffed within. Jori was content to lose herself for a moment, to forget about the growing hollowness in her stomach, but she was brought out of her trance with a tap on her arm.
“Jori?” Jon asked, her brother’s tone a mix of worry and apprehension.
“I… I’m…” she swallowed, “we could just leave it here. She doesn’t need us bothering her after all she’s been through.”
She started to move away from the alley, but her brother caught her shoulders.
“We’ve come this far Jori, and she leaves today,” he said, his tone heavy, “we can’t back away now.”
She frowned at him, “Brave words for the one making me go first.”
Jon scratched his head, “You’re the oldest, you gotta take charge in these things.”
Jori opened her mouth to respond, but froze as she saw the tremble in her brother’s fingers.
She sighed, “Ok, I’ll do it,” steeling herself, Jori slapped her cheeks, straightened her back, and spun around.
Only to jump at who she saw.
Though he was without armor or helmet, Helbram was easily recognizable in a small town like Redhaven. He was tall, taller than most in the village, but not so much that it would make him a giant, and there were farmers that possessed broader frames than him. However, none carried the same presence as the adventurer. There was an air to the man that threaded the line between gentle and imposing, as if he could switch between the two at the drop of a hat if needed.
As he loomed over the siblings, he trended towards the latter.
He may have been brought into the village in an unconscious state, but any sign of his incapacitation had vanished over the fortnight that it took for him and his party to recover, letting the full weight of his gaze settle over Jori as he looked the two over with unblinking eyes. His vision eventually settled on the bag next to Jori’s feet, and, after a moment of study, a smile broke from his emotionless guise.
He leaned against the wall and tilted his head towards the alley, “Go to her, we will give you some peace.”
Jori tilted her head, eventually realizing that the “we” Helbram mentioned included Leaf, who stood behind him closer to the tavern’s door. The half elven man looked at them with a frown, one that did not reach his eyes, and turned his gaze back to the street, saying nothing.
Jon prodded her in the back, which was enough to get her moving. She picked up the bag and walked past Helbram, marching into the alleyway with enough force behind her steps to echo through the narrowed path.
Echoes that made Aria turn towards her.
As the sisters’ eyes met, both froze. Jon stumbled into Jori’s back, but upon seeing Aria looking at them stopped in his tracks as well. Their sister’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, and the girl leaned against the auroc at her side for support. Her hands clutched at her brush, and the small shake to her fingers revealed the trepidation that the girl felt at the sight of her siblings. It was a sight that made Jori’s heart fall.
But she pressed on.
She walked closer, taking cautious steps towards her sister as she held the bag in front of her. Aria did not react to her approach, but Jori settled at stopping a stone’s throw away. She knelt down and opened the bag.
Revealing the bundles of clothing within.
“We didn’t know how much you needed…” Jori started, “and we didn’t know what your sizes were, so we gathered all we could.”
“We made sure there weren’t any holes in ‘em either,” Jon added in haste, “they may have been ours but they should last you a long while,” like Jori, his eyes were focused towards the ground and not the girl in front of them.
Their sister said nothing.
“We put some blankets in there too,” Jon said, “I know the cold doesn’t bother you but-”
Jori stomped on her brother’s foot. He winced, but upon realizing what he said kept his lips sealed. Cautiously, she looked up towards Aria, staring at the girl’s lips to avoid her eyes.
No reaction.
They stood in silence, the air between them growing more hollow by the moment. It was an emptiness that started to creep back into Jori’s heart, a sense of futility that told her to turn around and walk away. She clenched her hands into fists and pushed that instinct to the side, forcing herself to look her sister in the eye.
“I’m sorry,” she said, the words cracking as her vision blurred, “for abandoning you, for being scared of you. For being an awful, awful sister,” she blinked furiously to keep her tears from falling, “you deserved so much better, and I know there is nothing I can do to make up for what I have done.”
“What we have done,” Jon said, his voice a trembling mess, “I’m sorry too. Sorry for being such a poor brother, for thinking that what I had done was the only… the right thing to do,” he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath to steady himself, “It’s not our place to say this, but we hope wherever you go you find the happiness you deserve.”
Still, Aria did not respond.
Any bravery that the siblings held vanished at their sister’s silence. Jori’s gaze fell and, when nothing else was said, she spun around to leave, grabbing her brother’s arm.
“I can’t forgive you.”
Jori’s heart shattered to pieces.
The instinct to run swelled within her, to flee from the burden of guilt that crashed against her shoulders. The shake in her brother’s arm told her that Jon felt the same, but neither of them moved.
Whatever was to be said, they deserved.
“The words are there… but as I try to say them, I can only see you as you were before,” Aria said, “The ones who laughed and played outside my door as I could only look on. The ones who ignored me as they continued to be happy, to be loved. I can’t say it, not after all this time.”
Jori could hear the weeping in her sister’s voice, but neither her nor Jon could bring themselves to look back as their own tears streamed down their faces.
“But I can say thank you,” Aria’s footsteps drew closer, “for the clothes… and for trying to save me.”
It was the sibling’s time to be silent.
“We may never see each other again, but I hope the best for the both of you.”
An impulse washed over Jori then, an urge to turn around and embrace her sister, to cry into the girl’s shoulders and let her do the same, to be like siblings should have been.
But it was too late for that.
“We hope the best for you too,” Jori said, unable to face her sister. She went to say more, but the words caught at her throat.
Unable to take anymore, Jori ran, letting the desire to escape take over. She hurried past the Helbram and Leaf into the street, her steps carrying her far enough into Redhaven that they were out of sight. Jon was at her side, and when their sprint could carry them no further they collapsed to the ground, chests heaving as their sobs hindered their ability to catch their breath.
Tears flowed from their eyes, unending as they traced down their cheeks, splashing onto the street as they continued to cry. They ignored the stares of the townsfolk that walked by, too lost in the tide of emotions that carried them this far. When the tears finally slowed, Jori could still feel the sorrow within her chest, the pain that dug into her heart, unable to leave.
But it had faded.
Their sister’s words did not relieve Jori of the burden of guilt, but it had reduced it to a dull ache. One that she could live with.
Must live with.
Jori wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up. She held a hand out to Jon and, after her brother wiped his face, he took it with a firm grip as she helped him up. They met each other’s gaze and shared a nod. They had to continue on, to be the best that they could be, for their sake.
For their sister’s wishes.
___
Aria watched her siblings disappear from the alley’s exit. When they were gone, the grip on her brush relaxed and she let go of the breath that she was holding. She looked towards the bag in front of her and knelt down. Curiosity fueled her hands then, placing the brush down and pulling a piece of clothing from the parcel. It revealed itself to be a shirt as it unfolded, the size only a tad larger than what she needed. It was weaved from a white cloth, and in every way was unremarkable.
Yet the sight of it made her happy.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of oncoming footsteps. Helbram and Leaf approached, and while the usual frown-faced man looked at her with some concern, his companion was more relaxed, yet somehow focused at the same time.
Helbram knelt down in front of her, “Are you alright?”
Aria nodded, “I don’t know if it was the right thing to say.”
He put his hand on her head, “Yours is a situation that is a bit more complicated than right or wrong,” he admitted, “and in such times it is better to instead ask this: did you do all that you needed to do?”
She looked down, thinking for a moment, but moved her gaze up to match his, “Yes, I did.”
Helbram smiled at her, “Then that, for now, is all that matters,” he ruffled her hair and stood up, taking the bag into his hand. He held it out for her to put the shirt back into it and held it out to Leaf, who took it as he walked over to Bessie.
“I’ll get her sorted out,” Leaf said, “now go do what you have to do.”
Helbram let out a breath and looked to Aria, “Are you ready?”
She nodded, one that he returned.
He turned towards the tavern’s side door, but waited for Aria to walk ahead of him before he followed. As they walked through The Wandering Fowl’s kitchen, she caught sight of both Elly and Jahora packing various foodstuffs. The taller woman bit into an apple absentmindedly as she peered into the tavern’s icebox. As she noticed them walk by, her ears perked up, and she met Helbram’s eyes with a knowing gaze. Jahora caught sight of them next, saying nothing but flashing Aria an encouraging smile as they walked through the door and into the tavern’s main hall.
She walked up the building’s stairs and down the hallway of rooms that composed its second floor. As her hand reached towards the door that lay at the end of the path, Helbram placed his hand on the doorknob in her stead.
“Are you certain of this?” he asked, his tone measured, but unable to hide the concern beneath.
The weight of the question gave rise to the doubt that sat beneath her determination. Given what had transpired… it would not be wrong of her to leave the door closed, to leave what lay beyond it behind her.
But her heart said otherwise.
Steeling herself, Aria straightened her back and took in a deep breath, “Yes.”
Helbram patted her shoulder, “Then do what you must.”
He opened the door and followed after her as she walked in, facing the two people at the opposite side of the room.
Cora and Erik.
The two Shade’s were still bound, their hands restricted behind their back with Sealing Cuffs while rope tied their legs together. In all practical ways they could do no harm, but that did not stop the flutter that Aria could feel stirring in her chest. Whilst Erik maintained a neutral expression upon noticing Aria, Cora’s own dejected guise shifted to surprise as her eyes fell upon her. Surprise that gave way to something else, though Aria could not tell what. The girl stepped further into the room, and while Helbram did not loom over her, he shifted his position so that she was never out of his reach.
Aria’s lips trembled as she searched for the words to speak, her breath shaking as they refused to form. She squeezed her hands in frustration, the fluttering in her chest now a rapid pounding as she could not form a sentence no matter how hard she tried. She’d ruminated over it far before this moment, yet the sight of the couple, their silence as they waited for her to speak, pushed all those thoughts from her mind. In its place she could only remember Erik and Cora as they were. That kindly man who fed her, who treated her as something more than a monster to be ignored, to be shunned. The bright woman who sat her in her lap and brushed her hair, giving her the warmth of a mother she never had.
She knew that is not who they were, that it was an act meant to make her like them, to feel indebted to them.
But it felt real, the happiness that it gave her was real, and it was that which stopped the words at her throat. She looked to the floor, unable to look at the two any longer, but took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“Thank you,” she said, “for taking care of me.”
It was a selfish thing to say, something that she could blurt out without damaging the fragile integrity of memories based on falsehood. She’d meant to confront them, but could only find the words to run away.
“Aria.”
She looked up, heart stopping as her eyes met with Cora’s. Gone was the woman’s previous madness, that twisted look in her eyes as she called her a name that was not hers. In its place was the same Cora that she always knew. The one who always wore a smile, who always looked at her with warmth. It was a falsehood, she knew that.
Yet it brought her comfort all the same.
“It is we who should say thank you,” she said, “for giving us a warmth that we’d not felt in so, so long. And it is we who should say sorry, for trying to take that warmth for ourselves.”
“Live your life, Aria.”
The girl’s gaze drifted to Erik, and she could see that man that she’d met in the alley, that man who made her feel like she belonged, and the memories of that moment brought tears to her eyes.
“Walk the path you want to walk, and let none steer you from it,” he said, “it is not our place to say such things, I know, but we should say it nonetheless.”
“May the Matron keep your path clear, your steps steady,” Cora said
Aria bit her lip, and she felt the impulse to walk up and embrace them, but she stopped herself. Even if they were sincere, she could not forget who they truly were, no matter how much her heart wished to. Still, the desire grew, and the tears started to flow down her face. She smiled at the couple and gave a firm nod, then turned and made for the door.
“You take care of her, you hear me?” Cora said to Helbram.
Aria felt his hand on her shoulder as she stopped at the door. He opened it and gently pushed her forward.
“Of that, you should have no doubt.”
___
Ren stood outside The Wandering Fowl, taking in the brisk Winter air as he stood in the street without a coat. The townsfolk looked at him as if he was mad, but that was no different than the look they’d given all of them upon their return. They did give him a wider berth today, but that was due to the wagon that had been moved to the street. A wheeless construct, the vehicle was held aloft by the crystal located in its undercarriage, one that radiated a green light as Aether coursed through it and the rest of the wagon. Various crates and bags were stuffed under its roof, and it was in the process of being loaded even further as Helbram’s party shoved various bags and foodstuffs into its bed. Had he not known that the magitek design meant that their auroc would feel little of the burden, he would have been inclined to feel pity for the beast.
Part of him still did as Elly stuffed a burgeoning sack of books into an already crowded space.
“Do you think you have enough?” he mused towards the group, “one would think you meant to start a village with all you’re taking.”
Helbram, who just walked out of the wagon’s bed, laughed. He walked up to the Cleric while dusting his hands.
“Winter will prove to be a harsh mistress this year,” he said, “and while I have every faith that our hunter is up to the task of keeping us provided, I’d rather not place such a burden upon him.”
“That, and we’d rather not taste bitter herbs for a spell,” Jahora said as she adjusted Aria’s coat, “a month away from such flavors is much too short.”
Leaf’s head poked from behind the wagon, “Oi, if the plants bite back then it's good for ya, don’t blame me for having the wisdom to recognize it.”
“Oh we have the wisdom,” Elly said as she joined Helbram at his side, “we just choose to embrace comfort in its stead.”
“Bunch of soft bellied louts, the lot of ya.”
Aria giggled as Leaf’s grumbles faded into the background. She took Jahora’s hand as the Mage guided her towards Ren. The smaller woman was all smiles when she looked at the girl, but as her eyes cut to the side wariness flashed through her features.
Leon sat on the stairs leading into the tavern. His hands were still bound, and rather than meeting anyone’s eyes he kept his eyes to the ground. Ren frowned as he looked at his companion, partially regretting his decision to push Leon to at least see the party off. He encouraged it anyways; the alternative just didn’t feel right.
He just hoped Leon felt the same.
As Leaf finished adjusting Bessie’s harness, he jogged up and joined with his companions, his caution towards Ren’s companion less concealed than the others as he glared in the Black Cloak’s direction.
“So where are you off to, after all this?” Helbram asked Ren.
“As we originally planned,” the Cleric said, “we make for Blade’s Rest, meeting up with a larger cohort before we travel back to headquarters,” he scratched his head, “Winter will prolong our travels a fair bit, but we’d best be moving as quick as possible now that we’ve fully recovered.”
“Of that, we are of similar minds,” Elly said.
“What of you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Whitebridge,” Helbram said, “it was where we were heading before all this, and we see no reason not to continue on.”
Ren rubbed his chin, “Whitebridge eh? That is quite the journey…” he looked to Aria. The girl was not cautious around him, he could sense that she was on edge. No doubt due to Leon’s presence. And given his companions actions… she had every right to be.
As he looked upon her, however, he thought towards Erik and Cora, about how they knew that she would be in such a remote village like Redhaven. As he did, he removed the symbol of Velendel from his neck and placed his hand over it. The matching eye on his forehead glowed with a golden light as he made an effort of will, casting a spell over the amulet that left it glowing for a moment before the light faded away. He walked over to Jahora and knelt down in front of the Mage, presenting the amulet to her. She looked at him in confusion, and did not reach for the necklace.
“I am not certain, but I believe someone may possess the means to find Aria from afar. That is the only way I can think of to explain why Erik and Cora decided to settle here of all places.”
“A Scryer, perhaps?” Elly inquired, “Though typically their reach is fairly limited.”
“For the average one, yes,” Ren admitted, “but were the Scryer a Shade… then it may very well be possible,” he looked back at Jahora, “concealment magics are not my speciality, but with enough of Velendel’s grace I do believe that wearing this will keep Aria from their watchful gaze, though the enchantment will need refreshing often. And I do recognize it is suspicious of me to provide this under such pretenses, but I ask that you trust me in this.”
Jahora looked into his eyes and, after a moment, took the amulet from him. She directed her attention to Aria, who had her eyes narrowed in clear effort to keep up with the conversation.
“Do you want to wear this?” she asked the girl, holding the necklace out to her.
Aria reached out and touched the amulet, brow furrowed as she ran her fingers along its various ridges, “It feels… warm.”
The girl nodded and let Jahora put it on her. When the Mage did, Aria looked at it again.
“It’s a bit ugly though,” she said before slipping it under her coat.
Ren snorted, “Of that, we are in agreement.”
“Are you certain of this?” Helbram asked, “I have little knowledge in the ways of divine magic, but a Cleric without their Symbol strikes me as something of a hindrance.”
“We’d hardly be that forminable if a bit of jewelry was our lifeline,” Ren said as he stood up, “Please, pay it no mind. Besides, this is the perfect opportunity to get a new one, perhaps one not so garish,” he winked at Aria, and she smiled at him.
“Well, thank you, again,” Helbram said as he held out his hand, “when we next meet, the round is on me.”
Ren smiled and took the man’s hand, “Multiple rounds, perhaps? I’ve a feeling my superiors will be placing me in a drinking mood soon enough.”
Helbram chuckled, “That can be arranged.”
As they let go of one another Ren clapped his hands, “I’ve delayed you long enough, you’d best be off before Spring sets in.”
The party smiled at him and made their way to the wagon.
All except Helbram.
The man marched towards Leon, who’s posture remained unchanging at his approach. Even if the Black Cloak didn’t look at him, Helbram held his hand out.
“Farewell Leon,” he said, “I hope if we cross swords again it will be as we did the first time, not the last.”
Leon didn’t look up.
Helbram sighed, but rather than drop his hand, he gave Leon a quick pat on the shoulder and went to join his party. Before long their wagon disappeared from Ren’s sight, and his companion still did not move.
The Cleric took a seat next to Leon, “It is going to be quite the burden if I have to transport three bound people,” he said.
The Black Cloak remained silent.
Frowning, Ren made to move back into the tavern, but stopped as Leon finally spoke.
“She seemed so… normal.”
“Aria? Yes, the seal is broken but she appears to be in control of herself,” Ren mused, “an interesting development for one as young as her, but it is not unheard of to gain control of one’s Shade.”
“It was out of control Ren, a power that I had not seen since… since…” he fell silent.
“And yet, there she was, hale and hearty as any child should be.”
“I know… I know,” there was a growing frustration in Leon’s voice, “And it has made me think. Had I called out enough, urged him enough… would he still be here today?”
Ren heart ached for his friend, “We can’t know that.”
“And yet, now we have an idea,” Leon said, “proof that such a thing is possible,” tears dropped from Leon’s face as he looked up, “I was so certain he was lost Ren, and the look he gave me told me he thought so as well, but there she was, in the same position, the same abyss of hopelessness, and she came back.”
There was nothing Ren could say to that.
“How many? How many have I killed thinking that they were too far gone? Thinking that I was putting an end… stopping tragedy before it could happen?” He buried his head in his hands, “I’m sorry Astraeus, I’m so sorry…”
Ren walked in front of his companion and pulled him up, “Look at me Leon.”
When he refused to do so, the Cleric forced his gaze up. The Black Cloak’s eyes were red, and the despair beneath them seemed bottomless.
“I understand your grief,” he said, “And I know that you need time to process all of it, but what you can’t let it do is drag you under. Doing so will not help anyone. It will not honor your brother’s memory.”
Leon closed his eyes.
“Let us make our way back to headquarters, and when we are in more stable conditions, we can work through all of this. We can’t afford to fall apart now, do you understand?”
His companion’s breaths slowed as he controlled himself. When his eyes finally opened, a measure of control had returned. Grief still sat behind them, but for now it did not overwhelm Leon, and that was all Ren could ask for at the moment.
“I understand,” the Black Cloak said.
“Good,” Ren unbound the man’s arms, “and when we get back, know that you will always have my aid. We’ll get through this, of that I have no doubt.”
Leon clasped his arm, “Thank you, truly.”
Ren returned the gesture, “What are friends for?”
___
Helbram yawned as he stretched, leaning back on the wagon’s driver seat.
“Don’t you start with that,” Leaf fussed, “We’ve been on the road for barely an hour.”
“I am afraid I must,” Helbram objected in an overly dramatic tone, “my injuries have left me weakened and unable to handle the wear and tear of the road.”
Leaf pressed his lips thin and rolled his eyes.
Elly snorted from within the wagon, “Perhaps you need a distraction? I could teach you how to use a needle so you may be of some use.”
Helbram looked back at her. The Weaver held the sleeve of a pair of pants in her hands, her hands moving with practiced precision as the needle in her fingers glided in and out of the cloth.
“Nonsense,” Helbram said, “I would only slow you down.”
“Perhaps,” she admitted, “but the company would be appreciated.”
She smiled as they both looked at Aria and Jahora. They both leaned against each other as they slept, a contentment on both their faces that was enough to banish any thoughts of waking them from their nap.
“Another time, perhaps,” Helbram said in a quieter tone.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
He flashed her a smile before turning back in his seat, noting Leaf’s now serious expression.
“Everything alright?”
His companion scratched his head, “Honestly I’m just feeling a bit out of my depth. I don’t know how to raise a child, nor one that happens to be a font of magic,” he sighed, “I’m just trying to process it all.”
Hebram rubbed his chin, “It is quite a lot to take in, I admit, but it is not as if you are doing this alone,” he snorted, “I know Jahora would raise quite the objection were you solely in charge of her care.”
Leaf laughed, “That she would… but still, it’s just… overwhelming.”
“It is, and the how of it all escapes me even now, but I know it is something that we must do.”
“Together,” Elly added.
Helbram nodded, “Together.”
Leaf shook his headband and chuckled, “Well now I just feel foolish. Onwards then?”
Helbram pointed down the road.
“Onwards.”

Hedge Knight Arc Four: The Cursed Child
End.
First / Previous
Author's Note: And there we have it, the end of another arc. Still not gonna get over how I said this was going to be a shorter one and it somehow matched the last arc in length. Overall I'm happy with how this one turned out. It's smaller stakes than the last arc, but I think it was a good exploration of the characters, especially Jahora, Leon, and Aria, and that's kind of the reason I try and keep things small scale like this. I'm finding myself enjoying the character dynamics more and more as I write this story, and I feel like its important to explore these interactions fully to really build investment not only with the party, but any events that may happen to them. To that end I toned back the action a bit, aside from the duel, so we can have a full explosive finish. One that admittedly mentally fried me as I tried to make sense of all that as happening, but I think I prefer that over having action for action's sake.
But, the story will continue! Lots of threads were thrown out here and I did try to wrap up some of the immediate ones, but there are also plenty that could possibly be explored down the line. The focus will remain on Helbram and his party of course, but I do like giving the sense that there is something else going on within the world beyond what the party is seeing.
Let me know what you thought of this arc! Did you prefer this over the last arc and is there anything that stands out in this arc that you either liked/disliked. I'm always trying to improve and your feedback goes a really long way to making sure this is the best content I can make for you.
Till next time everyone, have a good one!
If you wish to read ahead and gain access to the audiobook version of this story, consider supporting me on Patreon (https://patreon.com/criticalscribe). If you want to leave a donation, here is my Ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/criticalscribe).

31M, UK. I have been experiencing anxiety of which I believe is due to the way I am feeling from symptoms, the symptoms I have are;

• nausea
• back of neck pain
• top back of head pain
• heavy head (where I have to lay down or rest against something to support it)
• feel like my lips go cold but aren’t.
• saliva feels like it’s cold in my throat etc but it is not.
• headaches!
• light sensitivity (on and off)
• feels wet in both ears but it isn’t.

I work full-time and it’s extremely difficult to work when feeling extremely nauseous and with a headache - in my head I think the root cause could be my neck? but I’m no doctor! I have been and seen my GP, so far they have done bloods - of which are all totally normal, and then they have said BPPV but I honestly do not think that is the issue.
Any ideas, tests or things to try would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

“Another piece removed from play.” A powerful voice said as Waldo felt himself get dragged across the floor. Waldo was confused and his body hurt everywhere. Waldo wondered what had happened and he tried to move his limbs but quickly realized he could not. Waldo tried to look around but his body did not want to respond. He knew he was in a cave of some kind because the ceiling is covered in small stalactites. Waldo suddenly felt himself being lifted up and saw an old grizzled Orc smiling as it slammed him into a chair. Waldo felt pain shoot all through his back. “Oh, well that won’t do. I cannot send you in a cripple.”
“Aaaahhh!” Waldo screamed as he felt metal passing through his body and ripped out his chest. Waldo felt himself bleeding to death with his innards ripped apart. Waldo began to weep from the pain as he felt the light begin to fade.
“Don’t be so dramatic. It is just a little pain.” The Orc said, lifting his head up to look him in the eyes. “I’ll have you put back together, before future even knows you're gone.” The Orc said, ramming his hand into his chest. Waldo felt himself being healed as the Orc’s hand moved around in his body. “Just another day.” The Orc said with a smile that made Waldo’s blood run cold. However, after a moment Waldo almost felt whole again and his neck began to obey as he looked around the cavern seeing hundreds of identical Orcs working on people and moving them around. Waldo watched as they passed through portals with people coming back with different ones. “Enjoying the show Waldo?” The Orc said, moving into his line of sight.
“What is this place?” Waldo asked, through gritted teeth pushing through the pain. “My workshop of course.” The Orc said smiling.
“What are you?” Waldo asked.
“We are not a what but a who. We are all one and the same. We are the reaper. The reincarnator. The collector of the lost. The healer of all. I am Death.”
“What happened?” Waldo asked, not really understanding.
“I decided to remove you from play. I can’t have you around to interfere with other plans and this gives you a chance to become more. I directly intervened, I am not supposed to do that as a rule but you have chosen to serve Future or Jonah and he seeks my extinction. Unfortunately, for you I won’t go extinct without a fight.” The Orc said calmly as Waldo’s innards finished reassembling themselves. “For all his power he never really took the time to understand it. He thinks a thousand years is enough time to come into his own as a god making a Future?” The Orc laughed cruelly. “He lived eighty million years learning and growing, but is placed first in one tournament of conflict using a fraction of his experience only accessing six life times worth of knowledge and thinks he can destroy me?” The Orc scoffed.
“Future is wonderful, he will save us all from you.” Waldo retorted.
“No one is coming to save you, Dragon Killer. Time has spoken. Mother of all. The goddess of movement. Without her there is nothing. Future crossed a line and all his dragon killing generals are dead. Did you think we wouldn’t notice cause you play at being a little foot soldier. No one fools death. No one escapes death. I always get my due. I could have left you to your hunts and mothers agent would have eventually brought you to my door. However, I could not wait on you. Your potential is so much more than Jonah sees.” The Orc responded coldly.
“What do you want of me?” Waldo asked, feeling dread realizing the Orc was telling the truth. Future had been impossible to reach and Waldo was in hiding. Waldo just did not know why but this made sense. Time had moved to protect her people and Jonah had sold them out so he could keep moving forward. Waldo had the pieces but until now he refused to accept the obvious.
“I want you to come into your own. I will crush Jonah, I expect more gods will be needed and this time I want those with the potential to be prepared. The others think they can stay out of Futures war with me but they are learning he is making war on all of us. I told father that a man could never be future and I am proving to be right. Some part of me thinks he knew and this is a test of some kind but I cannot fathom why he would do this. He has always beaten me in any game we play. You must learn and since Jonah is failing to prepare you, I will.” The Orc spoke as he went through the things Waldo was carrying.
“How do you intend to do that?” Waldo asked, trying to struggle against his bonds and then realizing the room had shifted. They were now alone. Waldo was not sure when the workshop had changed but now they were in a simpler room.
“First, I will give you access to a million of your lifetimes.” The Orc said, placing a bowl on Waldo’s lower lip. “Drink in your extracted memories.” Waldo tentatively touched his tongue to the liquid and suddenly he stood on a top of a small hill holding hands with a girl. Waldo realized he was a child as she was but somehow felt she was beautiful. “All of it please.” The Orc said bring Waldo back to the moment. Waldo drank it in feeling life times wash over him. He did not know how long it took but when he was done drinking he felt both young and old. Waldo laughed lightly. “The reunion is always pleasant, then I tell them it is a price paid for a toll.”
“What?” Waldo asked, feeling fear rise in his chest.
“Oh, nothing too terrible. Not like I am removing your memories of your love or sending you to a barren waste world. I am sending you to a gaming world. It should be interesting at the very least. It will make you invisible to Jonah and I will call off mothers’ hunters so you should be able to live out the rest of this life there. The world is even hosting your soulmate in the age I am placing you in. I will even land you near her.” The Orc said smiling.
“Then what is the toll?” Waldo asked.
“Two fold. No more magic.” The Orc said, placing a hand on his chest. Waldo felt his skin ignite then the feeling ran to his bones. Waldo screamed in agony. The pain was beyond all comprehension and suddenly it was no more. Waldo woke up with a hand slapping him lightly. “No sleeping on the job.” The Orc said lightly.
“Why did it hurt so?” Waldo asked weakly.
“I had to bind the spell to your bones. I changed the very shape of what makes you… you. That is no simple thing since I am only removing your ability to do magic and nothing else. You will remember all you know but just not be able to interact with it in the way you had. A change of this caliber is always painful. Now for the second part.” The Orc said, bringing out a red flask. “Taking your magic really is a low cost affair. Especially since it only will last for your time on Ur. Really, I only need to give you a lifetime or two of memories for that. This is the really pricey part. You thought that was painful. This, well it is extreme even for me. However, you have shown resilience and I expect this will add new dimensions to your character. Last time I did this it took years for the soul to recover but that was rushed and crude. I have been careful this time. My hope is that as you come to terms with it that you will start to see the curve of the universe and appreciate all things more. However, the final outcome of this will be all up to you. I cannot force you to be what I want.” The Orc stated, looking at the flask.
“What is it?” Waldo asked, nervously.
“More memories. Copied memories.” The Orc said calmly.
“Whose. . .” Waldo started to ask but as his mouth opened the Orc moved faster than he could react. Uncorking the bottle with one finger and shoving the bottle in his mouth and forcing Waldo to drink it. The memories flooded into Waldo and he stopped struggling before he had even swallowed the foul red liquid. “Why?. . . why?. . . why. . .” Waldo wept.
“Why indeed? Do you see the fool you have been blindly following Jonah? The pain you have caused?” The Orc asked, releasing Waldo’s bonds, dropping the bottle to shatter against the ground.
“It was supposed to make things better. It was supposed to give him more control to destroy you.” Waldo said, weakly feeling the full repercussions of each dragon he had killed, even Time’s pain at losing a child of her race.
“Of course he would tell you that along with telling you that I am keeping you trapped in an infinite cycle of reincarnations. However, now you know the truth, which is no simple thing to come to terms with after what you have done.” The Orc said, turning to look away.
“I cannot bear this, please take it away.” Waldo cried.
“You cannot bear the burden of truth!” The Orc said, angrily grabbing him. “You must and you will learn or you will fail to become. You think your burden is great? You made your burden! All I did was force you to carry your mess.” The Orc dragged Waldo across the room to a mirror and touched the side of it, turning it into a one way viewer. The Orc held him up forcing Waldo to view the scene of a woman working in a village field surrounded by others working in the same field. “My love is banished from the heavens. She chose to sacrifice everything for a better future because she could not see a way forward. She relinquished her position as future and was banished from heaven because she decided she had failed. She has never betrayed me. She never betrayed the gods. She never decided to fight everyone. She only did what she thought was best after careful thought and consideration. However, now I can only see her once a year for one day. I only get this privilege because I continue to serve my father. We used to spend every moment together. Billions of years side by side and for the last five thousand years I see her once a year for one day. We both only do what we think is best but we have been forced apart. Can you even begin to imagine what that is like? And you cannot bear the burden of your own making.” The Orc said, angrily dragging Waldo next to the table he had been strapped to. The Orc picked up a piece of metal he had extracted from Waldo earlier. “Find a way and become or wallow in your own self pity. I don’t care anymore.” The Orc picked up Waldo’s pack and strapped it to him and even placed his sidearm in his holster. Lastly, he rammed the piece of metal into Waldo’s arm. “Find a way or never leave Ur. Regardless, I will send your soulmate to you as often as I can.” Then unceremoniously tossed Waldo into a shimmering pool.

Posting here as I'm hoping someone can help me with a condition I've been suffering for nearly 3 months now. I have recorded some information below including my symptoms and current history and tests around this issue. My current theory is Strep/Tonsilitis which then developed into Thyroiditis (with oral thrush from antibiotic use and Thyroiditis) with possible interference from heavy pain killesore throat medication used to deal with symptoms. I'm thinking the next steps are a thyroid scan (will go private due to waiting time being very long on the NHS) as I'm convinced it's a thyroid issue despite TSH levels being normal.
Symptoms:
Sore throat
Pain in/above thyroid
Oral thrush (symptom/condition)
Pain/occasional difficulty swallowing (has eased over time)
Feels like something in throat
Goiter?
History:
4th April – Phone Consultation – 5 days Amoxicillin
11th April – Phone Consultation – 5 days Clarithromycin
17th April – Poor quality examination – 10 days Phenoxymethylpenicillin

• Above heavily suspected by GPs as tonsilitis/strep due to inflammation, though it didn’t feel like it.

29th April – Appointment – 7 days 50mg Fluconazole
7th May – Phone Consultation - 7 days 50mg Fluconazole
13th May – Appointment - 7 days 50mg Fluconazole
*Above treated as oral thrush, likely due to heavy anti-biotic use, overall condition eased but persisted.
Tests:
17th April – Oral Swab – Negative for strep
12th May – Blood test – Normal but high allergen levels, recommended to take antihistamine.

Started puberty 10 years old - went from training bra to C within a year, comments started in elementary school about my breast from peers and adults, by middle school was In a D, by high school at least a DD+ and as an adult I’m 5’3 and now in at least an F/G last time I was sized.
I’ve had nothing but mental and physical anguish (as a lot of you will understand that I am not being dramatic here) since 10 years old. I’m 26.
Acne on my chest from sweat, not being able to wear clothing because it looks like I’m being sexual just because I have large breast (again, as a literal kid), buying bigger clothes so it fits in the chest (which feeds into the body dysmorphia spiral), hating how I’ve looked for 16 years, not feeling like I’m “me” ever. I’ve had meltdowns where I physically hurt my breast because I hated them so. so. so. much because nothing I do helps me be comfortable. Can’t sleep on my back, can’t sleep on my stomach. Spine burning, neck and shoulders pain at all times, rashes, feeling like I’m unable to exercise:
1.)because I hate how I look in public and am so embarrassed to move my body in front of people. I also have a mental stunt because I dropped 40+ lbs back in 2021 and my chest lost nothing. No size difference so what’s the point!
2.) IT HURTS!?!?
All of this to post about how I have my consultation booked for Thursday. I’m so terrified they’re going to say either yeah I should qualify but my insurance(BCBS) won’t agree with their pre-authorization or just immediately tell me no and to just lose weight and see if it helps/come back after I lose weight. I am overweight, but I know that with a reduction it will change my life and I will finally be able to do things I enjoy (Pilates, cycling, etc).
I can think of a million ways I’m going to walk out of there crying because I need this and I’m already preparing for the rejection. Not just physically, but mentally I need this. I’ve called my insurance and it’s covered if the surgeon says it’s medically necessary and can prove it. But google says they’ll need to turn in medical reports or something and I’ve never documented anything about the issues my breast causes because I never thought I’d be able to do anything to help that. I’ve talked to my mental health professionals but that’s it. So I’m worried he won’t be able to prove it besides what I’ve told him.
I want this more than anything and I’m so beyond worried it’s just within my grasp, but I can’t have it.

So, I recently came back from a 10 day vacation with my long distance girlfriend. We hadn't seen each other or had sex in about 4 months, so naturally we were going at it quite a lot, all unprotected (she uses NuvaRing). She had a full STD panel done before we started dating and I have no reason to suspect infidelity on her part, I've been faithful as well. I haven't had a full one done in a while, but I hadn't noticed any symptoms, and my condom use rate before my GF was about 95%. I'll certainly be getting a full panel done now, as I should have done before we started dating.
It's worth mentioning that I tested positive for chlamydia once a long time ago, in December 2020. I did the whole treatment regimen and tested again 9-10 days later, came back negative. My GF also has genital HSV-1, but she was infected almost 3 years ago and she takes viral suppression drugs whenever we're going to be together.
My only symptoms right now are an occasional, very slight but noticeable burning sensation during and after urination, and an occasional very slight itching of the urethra near the head of my penis, which I can only relieve by squeezing just below the head of my dick. I haven't noticed any discharge yet. I also had a sore throat starting the day before I left to go home, which lasted for 3 or 4 days, but it wasn't scratchy or painful except for when swallowing, and my lymph nodes weren't swollen.
Given my previous experience with chlamydia and the slight chance of exposure to something in the past (though it would have had to have happened at least 11-12 months ago, or more), I'm feeling a tad paranoid. What could be causing this? Possible non-STI bacterial infection from all the unprotected sex? Not always urinating after ejaculations? Using lubricant that's 3 years old?

I live in a country that has almost zero plus size clothes I can browse in person, so the only real "shopping" I can do is online and hope for the best. Most bathing suits I can afford go only to C or D cup. My breasts are close to a G/H , so I can only choose from a very limited selection of "granny" ones.
Why is it so impossible to find a bathing suit that actually fits and in MY size? How hard is to actually produce something with a larger cup? It's like swimsuit designers have never seen a woman with big boobs before. Every year I go through the same frustrating ritual only to end up with something that either makes me look like I'm spilling out everywhere or is so tight it feels like my lungs are gonna pop at any second.
And don't even get me started on the "support" these suits are supposed to provide. Spoiler alert: they don't. Strapless? Forget it. Halter tops? Neck pain time. I just want to feel good and comfortable at the beach, but instead, I'm left with a collection of ugly, ill-fitting swimsuits that make me dread the mirror and my vacation.
I am so close to crying, I'm frustrated. I love swimming and sunbathing, but i feel like I should just stay at home and save myself the hassle.

So I am currently in the hospital for c5-c6 are out of line plus I have a ruptured ligament on c5. I was told I needed surgery to realign and fuse c5 to c6 through the front of my neck.
I came in walking and fell a week ago about 6 feet high on a ladder. At the moment I just walked it off and had some minor bruises. 2 days I was on mild discomfort and laid off doing strainous work, but by day 3 thru 5 it just got worse and worse, my neck and should pain, I couldn't sleep anymore and came to the hospital on day 6.
Xray showed the unalignement on my cervical c5-c6 and would have been sent home for recovery if it hadn't been that I actually had a fall. So I stayed the night waiting for a CT scan (3 am was the ct) to confirm if there was a ligament disruption.
At 9 am the doctors and surgeon comes in showing me the CT scan, and confirm the rupture of the ligament and say I need surgery. I cried and vented with my fiancé about what was happening, he rushed over and we discussed it. We felt I should take some time to heal and see if I heal on my own, consulted the Doctors and neurosurgeon, they felt I would be better off with the surgery considering I came in with excruciating pain and the healing process would be 4-6 weeks with a constant neck brace and no strain on my body for that time.
I came on Thursday morning, and is Sunday morning now, I've been wearing my neck brace since Friday, my pain has come down to a 4 from a 10, I am only on muscle relaxers right now, but even though I'm being released on my own decision to see how my body heals, which it still can, the doctors have put the fear in me that I may still need surgery if no progress happens in 4 weeks.
Any thoughts?

Hello. I am addicted to using youtube. and my life is worse for it. I started surfing the web properly after high school since i had no major obligations/responsibilities after graduating . All my life I went to boarding schools- high school and primary school- and for those 3 months of the term, I had no access to the internet. During school break, I would use the web but the breaks were so short- I basically grew up without the internet.
It's been a couple years since i graduated hs. My internet use has gotten much much worse. Even though I only use YOUTUBE. I haven't been on other social media platforms but boy, Youtube has got me by my neck! I was too depressed to use Instagram, too sensitive for Twitter, so these platforms never really got to me. I don't use tiktok. Recently started using reddit but I barely use it as much. I found that I get really attached to watching lives on social media in a way that seems the most life-like, this is why other social medias dont do it for me the way youtube does.
I plan on saying goodbye to Youtube because I use it to live my life, through other people's own lives. I use Youtube for every thing imaginable, it's basically my search engine. Real life is much harder than watching someone's vlog, especially if you're depressed, and unfortunately I was so averse to pain that I chose virtual life over real life. It's time to face the world. live an actual life in the actual real world. I'm gonna try and not use youtube this week, then the next month, and see how I feel.

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
First Prev Next (soon)
Memory transcription subject: Adjek, Venlil Space Corps Engineer
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
I had departed with a collection of other engineers who had assisted on the tethering of Nemesis several days ago back to her massive ship. There were twenty-five of us, although none I knew directly from my work.
As our cargo shuttle entered the direct monitoring range of the beast once more, I felt a bad feeling throughout my fur. I didn't know what, exactly, but it was like we had just stepped into the eyes of a predator lurking in the undergrowth, watching us intently. As if to capitalize on that unease, our pilot Mimek bleated something in a panic that made said fur stand straight.
"T-th-th-there's an Arxur vessel trailing us!"
I whirled onto the oncoming feed near the front of the shuttle. Behind us, was a Arxur Ambusher-class dropship that had taken a path directly behind us. It followed the exact same trajectory as our own, and showed no signs of diverting. I bleated out a panicked command of my own.
"K-kick it! W-we need to get distance from them!"
While I had no authority to tell the pilot what to do in this situation, he must've nevertheless agreed, and as such Mimek kicked the boosters into overdrive to escape their proximity. I kept an eye on the rear display, watching as in response, the Arxur craft opened up its own engines, as if to accept the chase, and closed in.
Mimek spoke again. "Why are they chasing us?! D-didn't the humans forbid them from attacking us in-system?!" I had a horrible thought as to why...
"They've fallen to their p-predator bloodlust! They won't be stopped so long as we're in vulnerable space! Close to Nemesis, fast!" I pointed at the guidance lights to the hangar on Nemesis' keel opening. While the Arxur could likely outrun us in an extended burn, we had the advantage in a sprint over a shorter distance. Nemesis was in that shorter distance range, and so we needed to reach it fast to be in its haven.
Mimek, already piloting at full afterburn, corrected the shop in a sharp turn from the plotted approach vector cleared with the Lunar Shipyards. As this occurred, a reminder from the very same monitors came through on comms.
"Venlil ship, this is LSC Tower 3, you have left the agreed final approach vector, adjust your course to match the planned path immediately, do not continue on your current heading."
The humans did not realize the threat we were currently in, and thus the pilot ignored the warning. The Arxur seemingly took our course change as a challenge, and followed suit.
"I repeat, readjust your course heading immediately or fighters will be scrambled. This is your only warning." Even were that the case, we were far too close for them to plot an intercept vector. The shipyard monitors would need at least [one minute] to reach us, and Nemesis was merely [20 seconds] at full-burn-then-brake approach. We would not let the ship closing in behind us catch us, disciplinary action be damned. The damned Arxur succumbed to their predator madness!
A lazy-curve speed burnoff pattern was adopted, and we rocketed at ever-decreasing, but still frightening pace towards Nemesis in an attempt to shake the Ambusher behind us. The hangar was merely moments away, don't fail us now!
The Arxur vessel broke off the chase near the massive docked ship, seemingly slowing for no apparent reason. Perhaps it realized it couldn't slow down as fast as we could, and as such had to? But, that came with another stomach-hurdling problem: us slowing down. If we didn't, we'd crash and turn into nothing but paste on the walls of the gargantuan ship's hangar.
Thankfully, Mimek pulled through, and we zoomed into the hangar space, hitting the emergency external inertial dampener breaking as we attempted landing. The ship skidded across the floor, as it skipped nearly a [fourty meters] to a stop, crashing through something on the way through, but we were moving at such a pace that I had no clue exactly what.
As the ship came to a complete stop, rocking back onto its belly with a final thump, there was the sound of heavy stomping outside, before something rammed into the back of the ship, nearly rocking it off-balance again. "What...what was that?!" We both exclaimed.
We stepped away from the back exit ramp of the vehicle, all twenty five of us, as it began to groan under immense stress. The door dented in, and a few of us instantly cried out in surprise and fear.
And then again. And again. Another rocking of the ship as a dent formed. Another.
And finally, with an unsettling sound of metal being torn through, a crack in the plating of the door turned into a gap that widened into a shaking hole, until the door literally flew off its hydraulic support. The strain spat out fluids and electrical sparking, and several bleated in fear of the sudden disassembly of the door between us and the hangar. Had the Arxur caught up to us? Were we doomed?
But as the burst of electrical smoke cleared, and the light was filtered through our adjusting eyes, what was on the other side shocked me.
A mechanical monstrosity, far bulkier and massive than the one that had confronted my group and I aboard Nemesis stood on the other side. It towered above us, with a intimidatingly large cannon built into one of its arms, aimed dead center into our room, looking more akin to a vehicle's gun than a handheld one. One could see behind it many more of a similar looking model closing in. It spoke in a wrathful tone...Her wrathful tone.
"What the hell are you doing CRASHING INTO ME? There better be a-"
But I felt a chill as it suddenly cut off, and the featureless head of the bipedal robot swiveled to look directly at me instead. Though I could see no clear indicator of eyes like the nightmarish drone I had talked with in the past, I could feel it gaze directly at me, ignoring the others. It suddenly spoke again, a single word conveying contempt dripping in it. The blood in my veins turned cold as the Twilight.
"YOU..."
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
Something's wrong, I can feel it.
The bearing of the approaching ships has left the supposed approach vector, and directly accelerated towards my open hangar bay. While the ships pose no threat to me directly, I am uncertain if they are capable of stopping quickly enough to not risk the human crew that had just landed. I considered my options...
+grab beam non-responsive, schedule systems evaluation immediately+
I had no capability to tractor the ships from their path, and they showed no sign of slowing. I could fire a particle beam in the path of both ships, but there was no ability to tune down the power enough to not destroy the ships, and it would not reduce their velocity. I plotted the relative course of the Venlil shuttle to be coming at this angle, which thankfully was towards the opposite side of the hangar as the Human delegation. That did not remove the possibility of shrapnel from a crash, however.
I interspersed my Praetorians in front of them, seeking to act as a shield in the case of any flying debris. I warned them in the same instant.
"Take cover behind these drones, there is a problem with the landing Venlil ship on route."
"W..What's going on, Red?" Hailey asked, confused. Never had I been this direct with her physically, actively interspersing my drones in front of her and the rest of the scientific delegation.
"They are likely to crash. Predicted acceleration curves of the shuttle do not meet the prerequisite delta-V to stop safely at this current distance and velocity. Duck and cover."
The shuttlecraft streaked into my hangar bay at speeds that would make a 21st century jet blush. It slowed anomalously upon entering, but did not slow at enough rate to prevent the crash. The Praetorians situated on that side of my hangar were incapable of moving fast enough to dodge out of the way, and I was forced to watch as the shuttle crashed through thirty-two of them in a 45-meter break distance, before slamming into a hangar wall. They were built to withstand incredible munition strength, but not twenty-some odd tons of shuttle at near mach speeds. The impact brutally cast them across the deck, smashing some, tearing apart others.
Debris flew from the front of the shuttle outward, but none reached near the humans. Those moronic aliens were about to answer painfully for their incompetence on my deck.
"Dear god!" One of the humans swore at the sound of the shuttle crashing. Another screamed and ducked down further behind my Praetorian. The drone curled down to better envelop her in protection. Hailey was speechless.
A squadron of Praetorians had been closing in from a safe distance throughout the entirety of the crash. They were a mere hundred meters away, only 4.9 seconds to reach the doors. I collided with the shuttlecraft's exit ramp, and slammed repeatedly into the back of it, aiming to create a gap by which to pry the thing off. Eventually, a gap was made, and the Praetorian body wrenched a manipulator into it.
Then, after tearing off the ramp door to the ship, and beginning to interrogate the idiotic fucks at gunpoint, I find no less that a familiar face has come with them. A familiar face I would have rather not seen again in the slightest.
+identity confirmation, Adjek, Venlil engineer+
"YOU...What, are you doing here, again?"
I stepped forward, into the cargo shuttle, the Praetorian I controlled looming over them, over him, by nearly one and a half meters. I made certain to emphasize that size difference. One does not just crash in me like this without a good reason, or I'd be testing how long a Venlil survives vacuum.
Adjek decided to speak up, fear laden in his voice. "I-I-I...W-we were being chased by an Arxur vessel on the course here! T-They ignored the human's truce and decided to p-pursue us directly!"
I faltered a bit at that. Chased? The Arxur supposedly promised that they wouldn't attack the Venlil in-system, but given how much the bad blood between the Arxur and herbivore races was hyped up, I couldn't toss out the possibility.
"Is he telling the truth?" I swung the Praetorian's fake head about the room, scanning over each Venlil in the audience. It wasn't necessary, I had a panoramic view just from the chest optics alone, but the psychological effect and bait of having a head was palpable. They all parroted something similar to what Adjek and the pilot said, so I had no clear contradiction to go off of yet.
But I wasn't done with intimidation, I warmed the cannon muzzle to be visible within the deep red visual spectrum, and aimed it at him.
"Tell me everything, now."
He began to describe his intent and clearance for coming here...but reality decided to be a pain at that exact moment, as the likely culprit entered the hangar. Thankfully, I wasn't hampered by multitasking. A section of me split attention equally to the Arxur ship landing in my bay.
This ship, supposedly the Ambusher-class Goring Claw going off the IFF, was an armed dropship of some sort capable of intro-extra-atmospheric operation, given the rotary variable mode engines. They had been given landing clearance, but not by me, no, instead by the shipyard.
I would need to ask the UN to bring down that blackout protocol soon. This is immensely inconvenient to not have access to monitoring and communication outside myself, except through Hailey. Nevertheless, I positioned my remaining Praetorians around the likely exit of the dropship, awaiting it to open and...greet...these likely troublemakers. I had one Praetorian stand directly front-and-center to the back end, and aim weapons, but not arm them at the dropship hangar doors.
With a hiss, and a burst of slightly depressurized gas, the door opened, and out marched a line of two pairs of two Arxur guards. Their gear looked highly ceremonial, given its lack of tactical or efficient features, and the choice of weapon being a spear of some sort with a sidearm still holstered. Behind them, walked an even more gaudy individual than the guards, an Arxur with a prominent scar across their face covered in flamboyant ceremonial uniform. I was almost certain this was Chief Hunter Isif, Lithke's commanding officer, given Hailey's description of the visitors earlier. Behind him marched a set of less extravagantly dressed figures, likely advisors of some sort. And, of course, Lithke.
I wouldn't just let them off the hook so easily though, despite their far better entrance.
"Chief Hunter Isif. Lithke. You had best have a good reason for making a Venlil ship crash into my hangar."
Memory transcription subject: Chief Hunter Isif, Arxur Dominion Sector Fleet
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
Those idiots seriously did not-
...No, calm yourself, a Chief Hunter must always look composed, even in the face of absurdity.
The pilot in control of this Ambusher had heard my order to follow the Venlil in, got target fixation, and decided to escalate it to a chase. I would have him lashed for the offense later, but for now, I needed to quickly rekindle what little good will the Arxur had in Red One's eyes.
Losing it now could mean turning up hungry forever.
"I apologize for my pilot's unprofessional actions. He will be punished severely later for the transgression of letting his instincts override both human and my orders. Is there anything I can do further to fix your appetite, Red One?"
The robot frontmost of our shuttle stepped forward, it's bulk and size intimidating even by Arxur standards. It towered tall enough to nearly be at my head height despite the fact I was standing on the dropship ramp. Red One's response was curt, and [quick to the kill]. "You can start by convincing the odd twenty-five or so Venlil engineers your pilot chased into crashing on my hangar deck that you aren't here to eat them all, or whatever sickening actions you Arxur do. When that's done, then you may converse with Hailey Whitmer."
At least it wasn't "you've done enough, stop". I'd seen plenty disappear after that particular response in the Dominion.
"Fine. Blades!" I shouted to the ceremony guard I was issued. "Two of you will hold the pilot at the ship for punishment. He is to not eat, nor rest, nor do anything until I return. The rest will assist Lithke in assuaging the prey that they are safe...for now. I must speak with Red One while you do."
They saluted, and went about their way.
Good, everyone bought it. In a sense, this was funnily enough just the distraction I needed. Perhaps I'll reduce the pilot's lashing count quietly for that.
Now...for the harder part. I had no idea if Red would sense my intentions, and so-
The combat drone spoke once again. "Lithke's sung your praises, Chief Hunter Isif. An icon of 'applied cruelty' in his words. I'm curious as to why that should be praised, out of all things in a leader."
We're still too close to the ship, even if none are around to hear it, audio logs might pick up any dissenting thoughts. I should bring this conversation elsewhere.
"I see Lithke wasn't convincing on his own, it seems. Here, walk with me, I still have yet to meet your Special Envoy Hailey personally." I began to walk towards the group of humans near the other end of the hangar.
"So, you have met her?" Red One instantly picked up on the message, noticing the phrasing. So, she's capable of understanding subtlety...
"Yes, but not directly. She gave a presentation at the UN's discussion on you, which I attended."
"And what, pray tell, did you learn about there?" Red One seemed to press me slightly on the session, clearly looking for something. I'd play along, get in their favor.
"Plenty. You're by far the most powerful ship in the galaxy, as far as I can tell. The Humans and Venlil alike are afraid of you, but the former less-so, seeing a more mixed reaction to your presence."
"And what do you think of me?" Red questioned.
I began with a political mealy-mouth phrase.
"The Dominion is not-"
But she interrupted my train of thought. "No. I didn't ask what the Arxur thought. I was asking what you thought, specifically."
What?!
I scanned quickly, my head paced from side to side as I looked for any potential monitoring agent or tools nearby that could potentially pick up on my dialogue.
"You're...an interesting shake-up to the galaxy. Possibly even a means to an end I've been looking into."
There was a curiosity laden in that tone. "Is that so? What, pray tell, would an Arxur fleet leader need with me?"
Again, I checked about, to make certain none were close. "I...am trying to solve a personal problem. Your emergence is convenient to it..."
"Ah...so I was correct..." Red One's drone stopped in front of me for a moment, before turning directly to address me. "...The constant checking about other Arxur assets, the send-off of your personal guard, the overcompensation on the facial details and micromovements, the ordering of Lithke to 'convince' me of Dominion ideals. How much of it is an act, Chief Hunter Isif?"
She already found me out!?
The mask dropped in a panic, knowing none were close enough to pick up on it. "Quiet! How did you pick up on that?" I hissed under my breath to them.
She neglected to answer that statement directly, instead asking another question. "That's not important. The better thing to ask, is what exactly do you want with me?"
Well, since the meat has been spoiled...
I decided to be blunt, and honest. "I need either a line to directly converse with you on a sensitive matter later, or a method to do it now. There is a deep sickness within the Arxur, and you are a possible lynchpin to excise it. But it is traitorous in nature to Betterment, and they have agents everywhere. I would need it to be done away from their ears."
"I am currently operating in blackout conditions. I cannot send or receive signals from the outside without going through a UN transponder, so the first option is out currently. You need a distraction then, while you're here." Red's drone turned back around and continued walking, not giving away anything to the outside of her sudden skinning of my fake personality. "That can be arranged. But not this instant, we are already too close to outside ears for an extended conversation."
"A codeword, then? Some indicator that I may step away and talk securely with you?"
"A codeword is a start, but I'm more concerned about your personal guard. Are they loyal to you enough to ignore such a conversation?"
"Absolutely not. Effectively none of the group that has come along with me is loyal enough to hear this."
Red One didn't speak immediately, but the pause was small. "A full separation might be possible. I have an idea during the tour. If I say the phrase, 'Feel free to peruse' to you specifically, it will mean I have sufficiently separated attention enough that you may speak to me securely. Do you understand?"
She already has a plan? Her speed on that matter is dizzying.
I would have to trust her method. "I understand."
"Good, mask up again, we are within the distance of maximum human audible range given this volume."
Her matter of figuring out my intentions and act that quickly was unnerving, but it made some sense for a sentient computer. She likely thought far faster than the average Arxur, or even Human. But I could consider that later, I needed to get back in character. While my physical demeanor hadn't wavered any, I needed to give off the mental face of a Chief Hunter once again to allay suspicions. Especially since my personal guard were likely to return soon.
Hailey Whitmer noticed us soon after, and disengaged herself from talking with the other Humans. She began her way over here, leaving them to huddle around their ship, still unloading a collection of scientific equipment and personal belongings. "Chief Hunter Isif! Welcome to the UECNS Nemesis. What happened exactly that caused the Venlil to crash in like that, however? I heard a concerning bit that they were chased?"
I lashed my tail in frustration at that. "Our pilot idiotically got fixated on the Venlil ship. He will be punished later. For now I apologize on their behalf. I will try and...convince the Venlil's not to fear soon, but I honestly don't expect them to listen. They are prey, after all, sniveling in fear at the slightest provocation."
Hailey looked annoyed at that statement, but I could at least take personal solace in knowing it was mere persona. She would simply have to deal with it. "That's rather rude to our allies, Isif."
I corrected her: "Your allies, Human. The prey do not interest me. No, what interests me and my cohort is this ship." I pointed a claw at the robotic soldier behind me.. "I have already met Red One herself, and as you are the UN's Envoy here, I must meet you as well. Lithke has spoken much about both of you."
Hailey's expression changed from veiled frustration to surprise at that. "He has? Hah! I did charm-...oh, excuse my manners. When your entourage arrives over here, we can begin a proper tour with the both of us at the helm. Red?"
A voice emanated from the walls. "Yes, Hailey?"
"Do you have a path listed for a proper tour throughout your facilities?"
She responded immediately. "Yes. The UEC military has conducted tours before of my hull to other officials. I can follow said pathing, ignoring areas currently exposed to vacuum or damaged heavily. It will cover roughly 45% of the ship, and with transportation aid, take roughly 4 and a half hours."
Hailey clapped her hands together. "Perfect! When the three groups are gathered properly here, we can begin."
Given I could see my guard returning, thankfully not laden with prey blood or wounds, that would be soon.
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
I have had tours done of my shipself before. When my form was still under construction, Commander Theodore William Billingsly had given a walk-around to Yasmine, in preparation to turn over the role of Captain to her. The visit had gone rather easily, and familiarized her with my layout quickly in a professional manner. I had given numerous miniature tours of my layout to new crew members, with assistance from more established crew. I figured tours were nothing too special to my sensibilities and experience.
But I had never quite had the experience of juggling a tour where each distinct species of the tour was at odds with the other two. Listening to them was taxing.
"What are you looking at, leaflicker?"
"H-Help! I-It wants to e-e-eat me!!!"
"Could y'all just get along for a single moment? We're coming up on the barracks, supposedly, and yet you're at each other's throats!"
"Of course we're at their throats, those are rather delicious to tear out."
"You predators would focus on our vulnerable spots, w-wouldn't you!"
"Fuck's sake, you can't behave, can y'all?"
"Jealous of our vicious nature?"
"No we're not! What you do to the other races in this galaxy is abhorrent!"
"Yeah, you Arxur monsters have nothing to be proud of! I've lost family to your kind!"
Very taxing.
The human team and Hailey were trying to somewhat wrangle the mood down, but the Arxur and Venlil despised one another, and it showed. There was no quieting-down of their feud for more than a few minutes, before it started up again for the smallest altercations. I was glad I had brought a host of Praetorians to keep them physically separate somewhat, as I'd hate to have seen any humans hurt in the way.
Instead, I tried to focus on just providing an air of authority, as Hailey led them throughout my assorted systems and layout, only providing input where she did not know about. There were at least some receptive comments of myself during the tour that didn't result in lambasting the other two parties.
"The internal layout of this ship is rather unique. It doesn't look like anything in the Federation proper." A Venlil engineer by the name of Joluk mentioned.
"Yeah, I know!" Said a human scientist by the name of George Oscoda. "It's very...Death Star meets Nostromo, made a bit wider, then painted gunmetal black with red detailing."
Joluk turned back to him. "I have no idea what those are, but I don't like the sound of a Death Star." Their tail went ramrod straight, hanging down at the comment. Perhaps a body language fear response?
I decided to clarify from a drone nearby. "The internal design pattern of the UEC favors a highly geometric, hexagonal or octagonal hall layout, for maximum support with little freestanding support. A three-to-two width to height ratio also helps alleviate claustrophobic concerns, and detriments mental health minimally for extended stays."
George spoke up again. "I guess that's fair, but nothing will change how depressingly dark and scarred-up some of these corridors and bulkheads are currently. I get that it's battle damage, but..."
Lithke piped in from the front. "Nemesis wears her scars proudly. She is a predator forged in war, none escape without scars." I couldn't find a reason to directly deny said statement. I did sometimes prefer the reminder of how many Compact Janissaries had died within myself. How I shivered in delight at knowing they met their ends aboard my hull.
I decided to just remain silent on that. Hailey also responded to that soon after. "Well, honor besides, a lot of that damage will have to be repaired eventually. No amount of self-righteousness excuses holes to vacuum in some spots." She was also right. There were various spots throughout me that were not even enterable, let alone habitable as I was. Numerous collapsed-in sections, holes in my hull all-throughout. There wasn't even a main engines section anymore, with the aft exposed to space after redlining to Earth to save them from the Federation fleet. No amount of scars would justify not repairing battle damage.
I was at least partially glad they could not read Compact Standard. The various little easter eggs of alien languages scattered on my walls were filled with warnings and resignations of regret for boarding me. I left them there, to add to the ambient horror of unwelcome borders, but currently it just felt...out of place. I did not want to scare the people on board.
Thankfully there were few along this path, and none noticed it as the language it was offhand, so I avoided those questions. As we walked to the entrance doors to the barracks, there was a hallway we would have to cross first. One I had kept tenderly over the centuries.
I decided to speak ahead of time on it. "We are coming up on a particular area of mine en route to the general barracks. It was not something made in my time with humanity, but more...a personal project. Reminders and trophies of what and who I fought for both myself, and any others who might unfortunately find themselves this far into my halls." Some of the Arxur looked intrigued by that statement.
Hailey looked a little nervous at the way I introduced it. "I-I wouldn't really call it something particularly-"
I kept going over her response. It wasn't particularly polite, but if I was to make a maximal psychological distraction for Isif to say his piece, it would need to be done...
As a drone already within put the finishing touches on the arrangement, and skittered away into the dark lofts above, the doors opened to my favorite rooms, and I introduced the hallway ahead.
"Welcome...to my Collection."
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