Phillies @ Giants - Tue, May 28

Game Status: Game Over - Score: 1-0 Giants

Links & Info

• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	Phillies Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Schwarber - DH	4	0	2	0	1	1	1	.241	.364	.409
2	Realmuto - C	5	0	1	0	0	3	4	.284	.327	.454
3	Harper - 1B	3	0	0	0	1	0	2	.267	.377	.524
4	Castellanos, N - RF	4	0	1	0	0	2	3	.199	.264	.308
5	Stott - 2B	4	0	0	0	0	1	2	.244	.348	.390
6	Sosa, E - SS	4	0	2	0	0	0	0	.325	.400	.600
7	Marsh - LF	4	0	0	0	0	2	3	.260	.331	.422
8	Clemens - 3B	4	0	0	0	0	0	2	.256	.293	.615
9	Rojas - CF	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	.227	.270	.300
	a-Bohm - PH	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	.309	.365	.493
	Pache - CF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.196	.296	.261
	Totals	36	0	7	0	2	9	19

Phillies
a-Grounded out for Rojas in the 10th.
BATTING: 2B: Realmuto (8, Howard). TB: Castellanos, N; Realmuto 2; Rojas; Schwarber 2; Sosa, E 2. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Marsh; Realmuto. Team RISP: 0-for-5. Team LOB: 9.
FIELDING: DP: (Clemens-Stott-Harper).

	Giants Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Matos - CF	3	0	0	1	1	2	0	.258	.286	.394
2	Yastrzemski - RF	3	0	0	0	1	2	2	.218	.284	.380
3	Estrada - 2B	4	0	2	0	0	2	1	.243	.275	.419
4	Chapman, M - 3B	4	0	2	0	0	1	1	.241	.309	.420
5	Bailey - C	3	0	0	0	1	0	4	.299	.352	.477
6	Soler - DH	4	0	0	0	0	1	5	.206	.293	.363
7	Wisely - SS	2	0	0	0	0	1	0	.409	.391	.591
	a-Fitzgerald - SS	1	1	0	0	1	1	2	.264	.316	.434
8	Ramos - LF	3	0	0	0	1	2	1	.275	.351	.420
9	Brooks - 1B	2	0	0	0	0	1	0	.000	.000	.000
	b-Flores - 1B	2	0	0	0	0	0	3	.211	.280	.286
	Totals	31	1	4	1	5	13	19

Giants
a-Walked for Wisely in the 8th. b-Flied out for Brooks in the 8th.
BATTING: TB: Chapman, M 2; Estrada 2. RBI: Matos (20). Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Soler; Yastrzemski; Fitzgerald. SF: Matos. GIDP: Soler. Team RISP: 0-for-9. Team LOB: 8.
FIELDING: DP: (Bailey-Wisely).

Phillies Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Wheeler	6.0	2	0	0	2	9	0	101-70	2.32
Kerkering	1.0	0	0	0	0	2	0	18-12	1.47
Alvarado	1.0	0	0	0	2	1	0	22-10	3.47
Hoffman	1.0	2	0	0	0	1	0	14-11	1.14
Strahm (L, 3-1)	0.2	0	1	0	1	0	0	6-4	0.81
Totals	9.2	4	1	0	5	13	0

Giants Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Miller, E	1.0	0	0	0	1	2	0	20-11	4.21
Rogers, Ta	2.0	1	0	0	0	2	0	26-16	2.91
Howard	4.0	5	0	0	0	4	0	49-36	0.00
Rogers, Ty	1.0	1	0	0	0	1	0	14-12	3.12
Hjelle (W, 2-1)	2.0	0	0	0	1	0	0	28-20	2.95
Totals	10.0	7	0	0	2	9	0

Game Info
WP: Alvarado.
IBB: Schwarber (by Hjelle); Matos (by Alvarado); Ramos (by Strahm).
Pitches-strikes: Wheeler 101-70; Kerkering 18-12; Alvarado 22-10; Hoffman 14-11; Strahm 6-4; Miller, E 20-11; Rogers, Ta 26-16; Howard 49-36; Rogers, Ty 14-12; Hjelle 28-20.
Groundouts-flyouts: Wheeler 4-2; Kerkering 0-0; Alvarado 1-1; Hoffman 0-1; Strahm 0-2; Miller, E 0-0; Rogers, Ta 3-1; Howard 3-2; Rogers, Ty 2-0; Hjelle 4-2.
Batters faced: Wheeler 21; Kerkering 3; Alvarado 5; Hoffman 5; Strahm 3; Miller, E 4; Rogers, Ta 7; Howard 16; Rogers, Ty 4; Hjelle 7.
Umpires: HP: Rob Drake. 1B: D.J. Reyburn. 2B: John Libka. 3B: James Hoye.
Weather: 60 degrees, Clear.
Wind: 16 mph, Out To CF.
First pitch: 6:46 PM.
T: 2:32.
Att: 34,655.
Venue: Oracle Park.
May 28, 2024

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Bottom 10	Luis Matos out on a sacrifice fly to left fielder Brandon Marsh. Tyler Fitzgerald scores.	1-0 SF

Team	Highlight
PHI	Breaking down Zack Wheeler's pitches (00:00:04)
PHI	Kody Clemens' diving stop (00:00:23)
SF	Matt Chapman's barehanded play (00:00:24)
SF	[Spencer Howard records first K in Giants debut (00:00:10)]()
SF	Giants complete strike 'em out, throw 'em out DP (00:00:22)
PHI	J.T. Realmuto extends hitting streak to 17 (00:00:30)
PHI	[Zack Wheeler fans Estrada to complete six scoreless (00:00:07)]()
PHI	Zack Wheeler fans nine across six scoreless innings (00:01:28)
SF	Spencer Howard strikes out four in Giants debut (00:00:56)
PHI	Tyler Fitzgerald strikes out swinging. (00:00:07)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10		R	H	E	LOB
Phillies	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0		0	7	0	9
Giants	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1		1	4	0	8

Decisions

• Winner: Sean Hjelle (2-1, 2.95)
• Loser: Matt Strahm (3-1, 0.81)

Division Scoreboard

LAD 5 @ NYM 2 - Final
LAD 3 @ NYM 0 - Final
WSH 0 @ ATL 2 - Final
MIA 0 @ SD 4 - Final
Next Phillies Game: Wed, May 29, 03:45 PM EDT @ Giants
^{Posted: 05/29/2024 12:24:34 AM EDT}

(I’m pretty pissed rn so i’m just blabbering and not sure if it will make sense). I (20f) met my friend group that consists of 5. I’ll be giving fake names, Danny, Ivan, Ivory and Daisy. I met them in my second semester of university. This particular “friend” Daisy specifically in the friend group stood out the most since she was the first one I became friends with and got along right away. We started hanging out more with the rest of the group 3rd semester (2nd year fall semester). At that time I was dating my boyfriend (still am) who is abroad right now, so I haven’t seen him for a while. They were aware about him and at that time I was already dealing with a sh*tty roommate, so I was hanging out their dorm constantly. But once 3rd semester came around then we started spending Fridays and Saturdays at Daisy’s dorm. Keep in mind my dorm was a 25 min walk and near a forest and I would get home usually around 12am. Those days we chose to hang out we got high together and it became our norm. Somewhere in late September and Early October I started having really serious issues with my boyfriend and he honestly wasn’t treating me well at that time and I told my friends, because he brought up the plan of marriage and I was hesitant when the group asked me if I really wanted to marry him. Late October I was telling Daisy about it and she told me its best to break things off with him and how she did the same with her ex boyfriend because he was bad for her, and I’m pretty sure she says she misses him (but yeah I kinda forgot). I really didn’t want to breakup with him but I knew I needed to cut him off, so I got home at midnight and called him and broke up with him and instantly regret it. I was already dealing with so much other shit and I almost una****d my self after. But plans didn’t work so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ll get to the point I promise.) Late December I got news that a contract i signed over a year ago with a friend whose father owned a business offered me a job meaning I was going to move to another country. ( I ended up changing the contact for a later year) I would be super close to my boyfriend and I was pretty hesitant since so much had changed and I called my boyfriend who was my ex at that time and told him everything and we talked for a while. Long story short we missed each other a lot and we acknowledged that we both did terrible stuff but in the end if we worked it out together then our relationship could work. We set boundaries and rules for us to follow and we are currently together and I’m really happy right now. I didn’t tell my friends about me getting back with him because I knew they would be upset which I understand. I told Ivory first in late March and I asked for her to be understanding that he changed and she was upset but told me that she’ll always support me and be there for me which I needed to hear. Daisy didn’t find out until 2 weeks before my birthday and Daisy was super pissed at me and ever since she was cold and rude, ending all the convos with the gc that replied to me with periods. Since January I’ve noticed that Daisy would be pretty rude and only think about herself mainly and not the rest of us. There would be some days where I would ask if we can hang out at my place instead and I would always hear the same thing how my place was too far and that it’ll be late when they leave which did annoy me a lot since that was exactly how I went home. I walked back home a lot at midnight, ALONE and high. The 2 times they had came over they all left as a group since Daisy, Ivan and Danny lived in the same building and they would drop off Ivory on the way, while I was the only one who lived the furthest. When we would hang out at Daisy’s place she would ask what we wanted to watch we give ideas and would usually 85% of the time say no to our suggestions and pick the movies she wanted to watch instead. None of us have cars so we rented zipcars and I noticed a while after that when it was only convenient for her and when she was the one who needed groceries then she would text us like the day before or the day and sometimes an hour or so before of whenever she needed to run errands and when we weren’t able too then she would get mad. But when it came to us asking if we can go then she didn’t want too or was low on money which that one i understand. She would get pissed or annoyed a lot at Ivory for being herself sometimes, which honestly imo it pissed me off so much for the way how Daisy was with her. I slowly started distancing myself from the group for a while since I had my own shit going on and I was getting overwhelmed with it. My breaking point was when 2 weeks before my birthday Daisy found out about my boyfriend and went radio silent with me and was ignoring me in the gc and I remember her reposting posts on insta that were targeting me. I sound selfish but I was really looking forward to my birthday, but a week before my birthday I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and I was 12 hours away from her and I was an emotional wreck because I was just hearing she was dying. I didn’t tell my friends about it. I was FaceTiming my boyfriend and crying to him because I felt so alone and needed someone, but I figured celebrating with my friends would kind of help distract me. Since a lot of uni students were doing “peacefully protests”, my campus was shut down and there were many cops on campus and we werent allowed back on campus or else we would get arrested or idk. But the day before my birthday Ivory texted me saying (copied and pasted) “Daisy and Netty would have to walk across campus for it and I asked if there was a way to cancel it still and Dulce said yeah and I was like I don’t want yall to get arrested and then Dulce is being weird and was like “then we’ll cancel it problem solved” and long story short the car has been cancelled”. The plan was that we were going to rent a zipcar and get jack in the box and dutch and then head over to Daisy’s dorm (which i didn’t want and asked if we can maybe do it at my place) and just hang out. But I really didn’t feel like walking 30 minutes back to my dorm (since I couldn’t walk through campus and had to go around). But I’m not sure it just got confusing and in the end everything was canceled and being sad was an understatement. I was really sad about it because it would be my first birthday party with a group of friends who I thought were my actual friends. The day of my birthday and got myself a tiny cake and celebrated by myself in my dorm. Ever since my “amazing” birthday I was just depressed and figured it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. ( I had other problems with my life besides them.) Right before school ended i texted the gc that I was leaving and never coming back and I miss Ivory because she was a really good friend and I miss her a lot.. can’t say much about Daisy because today I posted an instagram story note saying “(uni name) is is greedy and mean just like em. glad im gone” i got sent a letter saying how the school was asking me to pay the remaining medical bill which was like 144$ and idk it just reminded me of the many rude people i came across on my campus. I wasn’t directing it at her until she posted her own insta note and it said “ that’s so crazy, not my fault your delusional” which i know was directed at me. I want to text her and call her out for her the stuff she had done and tell her to grow up. But I’m not sure if I should just block her and move on. I kind of need closure and advice on how to handle the situation.

I'm just gonna tell my story and hope someone has a magic answer to my question because I'm desperate. I don't know where to start
I spent 7 years with my ex, mostly on and sometimes off since age 15. We have literally been to hell and back together, through my homelessness suffered a miscarriage together, we were best friends, inspererable most of the time, she literally was the only person I had/ have.
A few months ago I saw a picture on her snap memories which was dated during one of our short break ups, and she had a baby bump.
"It was your baby ,and I didnt tell you because I lost it. before I got the chance."
Then when I explained how it couldnt have been mine because the dates didnt work out and that I'd also seen pictures of her and some other guy around the same time
"Okay, I'm sorry but when we split up I started seeing him and I got pregnant. I got "rid of it" because I was embarrassed."
Then her story switched a thousand times, any and all combination of it being my baby or this other guys, and her having a miscarriage or having an abortion.
I still dont know the truth. I never will. All I know for sure is she was fucking me and this guy at the same time . Not when we split up as she said.
Between this (plus a thousand other things she did) and another girl who lied about being pregnant with my kid when I was 14, I've really lost any belief in what people tell me. Trust isnt an option anymore.
It's been months now and I genuinely dont miss her, I dont want her because I know how bad it was. But at the same time, it doesnt make what she did any less painful, or stop It from affecting me.

I'm a 17-year-old guy having trouble keeping conversations with women going. I'm good at starting a conversation and extending it with questions and small jokes, but it usually ends after about 5 minutes. I always feel like I'm annoying them or forcing myself into their space.
For example, I had a crush on a girl from the rugby team. I saw her walking with a broken leg and asked what happened. She said she fractured it while getting tackled. We talked for about 5 minutes, but then there was silence, and I said I had to leave. Later that day, I added her on Snapchat. She added me back, but left me on delivered for five days. Eventually, we snapped back and forth, building a seven-day streak, but then she stopped snapping me and left me on delivered for a couple of days, so I unfriended her. I still like her but thought it was best not to approach her again.
Whenever I see her in the halls, I don't know what to do. Do I approach her, or would that be creepy? Can I clutch this situation, or is it over? How can I build upon previous conversations and make interactions more natural and memorable? Keep in mind I told one of her friends that I liked her and she told me that she would help me out but now am scared that she already told her. Where do I go from now , how do I build apon the last Convo, we have lots of similarities like we like the same band. but she is a bit different she parties outside of school yet I don’t, she was seen on a dating app and I know that she is talking to 2 guys rn and most importantly how could I turn a small convo even if it was nice into a relationship?

My girlfriend (19F) and I (18M) are getting married in a few weeks. We sent out invitations, but we didn't invite her best friend, "B." B and my girlfriend have known each other since elementary school but only became close in the last two years. I also knew B since elementary school, but we never spoke until we ended up in the same college elective. I introduced myself, and we had about five brief and general conversations. She seemed chill and nothing out of the ordinary.
Months later, I started dating my girlfriend. During a conversation, I found out that B had been badmouthing me to her. B didn't know my girlfriend and I were dating, and my girlfriend felt uncomfortable telling her because of B's negative comments. According to my girlfriend, whenever I was mentioned, B would make wild assumptions about me, like claiming I was trying to talk to a lot of girls. Every time I was slightly brought up, my girlfriend noticed a shift in B's tone, making it clear B didn't particularly like me. This was shocking because, in my brief interactions with B, I had been nothing but respectful, friendly, and polite.
Eight months into our relationship, I urged my girlfriend to tell B that we were dating. B apologized to me, saying she didn't mean any of it and tha just hates on people for fun. I dismissed her previous behavior, and we all hung out once after that, which went well. Months later, B asked my girlfriend about marriage and how she and I had probably talked about it. At that stage of our lives, we weren't thinking about marriage, so my girlfriend gave a general answer like, “We've talked a bit about it, but nothing serious yet. We're so young." According to my girlfriend, B spent hours insisting that she should give me an ultimatum about marriage, suggesting she should threaten to break up with me if I didn't commit. My girlfriend tried to change the topic, but B kept discussing it for hours.
Recently, my girlfriend and B had an argument about B's behavior. While I was giving my girlfriend advice, she received an Instagram message from B with a meme about a girl moving on from her ex, captioned with my name and laughing emojis. This felt like B was mocking our relationship. Given all this, I told my girlfriend I didn't want to invite B to our wedding unless she really wanted to.
My girlfriend was unsure since B has been her best friend for many years, but she didn't get mad at me for not sending an invitation to B, so we didn't. Now, B is bombarding me with messages, demanding to know why she wasn't invited and making me feel like I'm the bad guy.
NEW UPDATE: So since then everyone agreed with my take and not wanting to invite her to the wedding and I showed my gf and she agreed kinda. Now since then she and the best friend talked and my gf confronted her about everything.
Girlfriend: “Hey B, remember that post you sent me?”
B: “Yeah, what about it?”
Girlfriend: “Well, I was with him the other day, and he saw it too. We were both like, ‘What’s this?’ I felt weird about it and was wondering where it came from. Even though it seemed pretty straightforward, I was curious about what you meant by it.”
B: “Wait, omg, he saw that? He wasn’t supposed to see it!”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but it was weird to send even if it was just for me.”
B: “Okay, it was purely a joke poking fun at the fact that we used to have fake beef.”
Girlfriend: “I get what you mean, but the post seemed like it was taking a dig at our relationship, not just a lighthearted joke about my boyfriend.”
B: “I understand why you feel weird about it now. I didn’t see it that way at all. My intention was different, but your feelings are valid.”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but you know, it’s not a great feeling to see something like that. I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate you sending me stuff like that because he knows how close we are. It comes off as weird, like you’re against our relationship.”
B: “I completely get that. Please tell him I didn’t mean it that way at all. I’m just silly and send stupid posts all the time.”
Girlfriend: “Okay, I’ll let him know. But what’s your plan going forward?”
B: “I’m definitely going to try to be more mindful about what I’m sending. I didn’t think about how it would look, even though it was straightforward to interpret. I maybe want to have a chat with him as well to sort things out and show I’m apologetic. But I’ll sleep on it first because this is a lot.”
Although she’s not invited my gf is reconsidering inviting her which somewhat annoys me. My gf doesn’t have many friends so I understand why she doesn’t wanna let go of her but at the same time I was hoping for more of a harsh outcome rather than this casual conversation.

I went nc with my sister years ago for a multitude of reasons. One of the reasons being that she had mental health issues and claimed she was getting help but no one (including her then husband) was allowed to know what she was diagnosed with, what the treatment was, etc. No one was allowed to know what her physical medical diagnoses were and what meds they were being treated with. It started with random things like she was on a medication that requires her to take (per her…there is no proof she was willing to show proving what she said) 6 pills at once. She claims she asked her then teenage daughter to give her six of these pills while she was driving. (It was for a fever blister supposedly.) But her daughter gave her the wrong pills and she didn’t notice bc she was driving. I could understand a mix up (we do have SALAD drugs. Sound alike look alike drugs) but that wasn’t the case. Think of the meds being named something completely like shrimp vs chicken. The pills didn’t even look similar or have similar sizes. She ended up in ICU bc she overdosed since apparently her daughter gave her the wrong drug. BUT no one was allowed to ask said daughter bc (per sister) she was devastated and felt guilty. Once the initial shock wore off…my husband and I realized things didn’t add up. Then a few months later she randomly took FMLA from her job and left the state to do a 6 week in house mental health clinic. they wanted her to stay for 12 weeks but she would only agree to 8 weeks. After she came back she would only talk about movies (she tried to equate movies to every situation in life and it was exhausting), religion which was strange bc I never could tell if she would be 110% pro religion or thinking it was all an elaborate scheme, politics where she was in the far far far left (people should have a right to demolish anything if it made them uncomfortable. At one point I told her the sheer size of her house made me uncomfortable so I should have a right to demolish it…totally never would. I don’t think I have that kind of rights. To which she fought back that was her home and I had no right. I just looked at her and said…so people don’t have a right to demolish something bc it makes them uncomfortable or is it only your things that rule applies to), and jobs (at my then 3yo’s birthday she kept bringing the convo back to a client of hers who had been SA and how she had to teach the client what that meant and what intercourse was and what that situation was bad. People kept redirecting the convo but she kept going back to it). At that party I finally reached my breaking point and sent the kids outside to play and yelled. I yelled a lot, kicked her out of the house, and went nc. I did apologize to the other adults for losing my temper. She sent me a long crazy message about how I needed help bc I was mentally unstable.
Recently I read a post on Reddit and it made me curious…I looked her court records up online. I expected maybe another cc that went into the system bc it was 15k plus that she stopped paying on. (Not the first time or even second that would have happened.) Boy was I wrong. She had traffic violations for 15-24 over the speed limit. She had failure to yield tickets. She had a couple tickets for no tags. A warrant out for one of the vehicle tickets. And…a violation for a trashed yard due to excessive rubbish which also had a warrant out on her.
I don’t know if she has custody of her kids at this point. They are all older. One is a legal adult. I know she convinced my parents after all was said and done that I went to court and testified against her. I’m still left confused over that one bc…my parents were at court with her for the divorce. They were in the court room with her. I was never there. I didn’t even know when the court date was. I asked my mom if she remembered seeing me on the stand but she would never answer. Golden child can’t be questioned when holes appear!!! Must defend golden child!!! (We are no contact with my parents now for a multitude of reasons.) my parents defend her so much and all I can think is…you’re enabling her to be a total and utter mess.
Part of me wants to contact her to see if she’s ok. I feel the need to make sure she’s not on the verge of doing something bad. Just know she’s ok on some level. I won’t bc I’m not going down that sewer pipe. I just feel so bad for her. I want to wrap her up in a warm blanket and give her hot chocolate telling her it will be ok. I hoped the court records would have been empty. I hope and pray she’s moving on in her life and thriving. Instead it just feels like she’s getting worse. I feel horrible for my nibblings who are experiencing all of that and in all honesty I don’t even know if they have contact with her now. Ex BIL may have stepped in for the health and safety of the kids. I don’t know.
But yeah I feel total guilt. I remember when I told my BIL about the birthday party event (in case the kids said something to him I didn’t want to be the crazy person and he deserved the right to know what was going on) he told me I needed to find a way to fix the relationship with my sister bc she needed me now more than she realized. He was more right than anyone could have imagined. She has/had two best friends. Best friends for 25ish years. All lived in the same town. Neither were willing to show up and testify in her defense. One agreed to but then gave a bs answer to back out at the last minute. The other couldn’t bc she couldn’t get off work rofl. She didn’t even write a character reference letter to the judge. Who would have thought they would have abandoned her.
I know it’s safer for me and my kids (mentally, physically and emotionally) to stay away from all of them but I still feel guilty. What’s the best way to handle the guilt?

For anyone out there who is suffering any hardships, minor or completely fucked, I put together some pieces of literature, music, and media you might enjoy. I hope you find some comfort in them.
Books:
-The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
-When Zachary Beaver Came to Town by Kimberly Lewis Holt
-The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
-Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millan
-Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens by Richard Carlson
-The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse by Charlie Mackery
-Going Bovine by Libba Bray
Graphic Novels:
-Anya’s Ghost by Vera Brosgol
-Lost at Sea by Brian Lee O’Malley
-Friends with Boys by Faith Erin Hicks
-The Only Living Boy by David Ghallager
YouTube Videos:
-Kurt Cobain on Identity Blank on Blank by Blank on Blank
-If by Rudyard Kipling - Read by Sir Michael Caine by Upgrade your Mindset
-The Gift by The Gift
-Overcomer by Hannah Grace
-An old mans advice. By Bernard Albertson
-This Actually Happens A Lot by Tom Low
-Dating: Do’s and Dont’s (1949) by Old TV Time
-Bertrand Russel - Message to Future Generations by PhilosophieKanal
Movies:
-The Kings of Summer (2013)
The Breakfast Club (1984)
-Good Will Hunting (1997)
-Pay It Forward (2000)
-Treasure Planet (2002)
-Super 8 (2011)
-Scott Pilgrim vs The World (2010)
-Stand By Me (1986)
-Ad Astra (2019)
Songs:
-Move Along by the All American Rejects
-Hey Jude by The Beatles
-Divenire by Ludovico Einaudi
-Three Little Birds by Bob Marley
-Don’t You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia
-Here I go Again by Whitesnake
-Second Chance by Shinedown
-Refuge by Tom Petty
-I’m Still Here by John Rhzeznik
-Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
-The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
-Nothing Else Matters by Metallica
-What I’ve Done by Linkin Park
-21 Guns by Green Day
-Beautiful Day by U2
-Baba O Riley by The Who
-Behind Blue Eyes by The Who
-Don’t be So Hard on Yourself by Jess Glynn
-Drive by Incubus

So I've only been separated for 4 months and it has been made clear she wants a divorce. At first she was no contact remaining under the same roof in another room. She brought me papers and when she did talk it was just nasty with threats galore. Fast forward to now, she has texted me multiple times and even called about kids stuff. She has sent me reels. We discussed transportation. She has said nice and mean things through text once she opened up. Yesterday she messaged asking if my therapist will see both of us for a "couples" session (not in her words). That was out of nowhere and I have been a nervous wreck. Like why does she want to come in? Does she want to tell my therapist whatever I'm saying isn't true? That these are my real issues? That I need to work on this set of things the most? Everytime I get a text or call and her name appears my insides tense up almost like flinching and starts to shake and becomes kind of difficult to breathe. This intense fear where I almost freeze overcomes me for a few moments.
How do you all go about knowing what to do after separation/divorce? Like part of me wants a companion for life and the other part of me is heartbroken and wants nothing to do with that. Like she has my heart and I don't think I could give it to anyone else. The effort to try again doesn't seem worth it at the moment. It's hard telling your heart to stop loving someone and also your mind to stop trying to do stuff you know will only hurt worse before healing. How do you know what healing feels like? How do you know if that hookup idea just to see what it's like again is going to do more harm than good?
Right now my focus is on getting better, moving on, and being the best parent I can to my 4 kids. They're the most important thing now and not screwing them up. I would be extremely selective if I ever decided to date again. I don't think I can. I wish I was a POS so that I could do these unhealthy coping mechanisms I hear others do, but I can't. Therapy helps, books help, and I'm moving forward with my wants and needs. I just don't understand any of this honestly. 18 years married and 20 together. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. Any advice? Tips? Podcasts? Books? Etc. you may have found helpful in the next steps or what to do and not to do? I've been getting out in nature, listening to music, processing feelings/emotions, biking, and occasionally writing. I like to quiet my mind when possible and just calm my nervous system when possible. I know I'm not perfect and I contributed to whatever happened.
Thanks.

My boyfriend (22m) doesn’t let me (22f) go do things with my girl friends and doesn’t let me go on any trips with them either (i only have two friends) because he says they’re hoes. I don’t get why he thinks this my best friend has been dating her boyfriend for three years but he thinks she’s a hoe bc she goes to clubs. I have went to one bar in our whole three years of dating so I respect his boundary even though it sometimes bothers me. He has went to several bars, casinos, trips, and a strip club with his brother + friends.
Anyways this august his brother has a softball tournament in nashville and he wants to go stay in an air bnb with like 10 guys for five days. At first i didn’t know he was going to stay with ten guys so I asked if I could tag along because i’ve always wanted to go to nashville. He said no because the air bnb is already set (it’s not and i told him i could help pay) This upset me and we have already been having issues and I said if you want to go alone then it’s best we aren’t together. Because he never includes me in his plans anyway and I myself am not aloud to go do things with girlfriends like that let alone a trip to nashville. He got super pissed and said I can’t tell him what to do. I just said I don’t want to be together if that’s what he wants to do. I obviously don’t actually want to break up but he has over all been a negligent and not the most caring boyfriend so at that point it’s just showing his true feelings + it hurts my feelings he isn’t open to me going when there will be girls with the other guys i’m sure.
I brought it up when i got to his house from work tonight and he just got extremely pissed and I get that it’s late and he has to work in the morning but It’s been on my mind all day since I found out and I wanted to discuss it.
AITA?

I (M21) and ex-girlfriend (F21) I’ll call her Kate, have had an on/off relationship for 6 years. We met/reconnected in June of 2018 after having previously gone to elementary and middle school together until her mother pulled her from school.
Kate reached out to me during the summer between our freshman and sophomore year and we instantly hit it off. I ended up asking Kate to be my girlfriend in August of 2018 and we dated until March of 2019, we split for reasons I honestly don’t remember, we were 15/16 so it was likely something trivial. We both dated other people during summer 2019 and got back together in September 2019 after realizing the people we were with were essentially distractions that suppressed our feelings for each other.
After that, we dated from September 2019 until April of 2021. In October of 2020 Kate began receiving text messages from a bi-curious woman who had supposedly saw her at a party and asked her to indulge in her fantasies and would text Kate throughout the night, writing paragraphs about the things she wanted to do to her. It was revealed that this bi-curious women was actually her brother in-law and after a 2 week therapy course in Tennessee for his “sex addiction” Kate’s family allowed him back into the family and dismissed Kate’s feelings towards her predator, going as far as inviting him to family party’s and intentionally not inviting her as to not cause any drama. So to say Kate’s relationship with her family is on the rocks is an understatement. 2021 was my senior year and I had a choice to make, initially Kate had told me she wasn’t going to have a long distance relationship with me if I went to college, this weighed heavy on me and I decided I didn’t want my future to be dictated by her so I broke up with her. Shortly after we broke up Kate was unfortunately raped by her stepsisters boyfriends step brother and upon hearing this my entire world shattered. I reevaluated everything, including my priorities and decided I’d rather be with her than go to school. We got back together in June 2021 and dated again until February 2023.
In February 2023 Kate told me she didn’t know if I was a need or a want, and wanted time apart to understand if I was just comfort and security for her or if it was true love. We had a heart wrenching break up where Kate assured me we would be together in spirit. Four weeks later during spring break Kate was fucking a friend of hers that moved to Tennessee that was a few years older than us that she had met during her time being homeschooled and swore up and down he was a brother to her and whenever he was in town we would all hang out. They dated (long distance) from March 2023 until May 2023. Kate has since confessed her deep regret for doing this, and I do believe her. I missed Kate dearly so we got back together in June 2023 and dated until May 2024.
Shortly after Kate and I got back together in June 2023 she wanted to move out of her parents house and get away from the toxicity because it was affecting her mental health. Kate told me if I didn’t want to move out with her that was fine and she would find someone else to live with but I could already sense the resentment and I wanted to remove her from her situation at home so in true White Knight fashion, I suppressed my concerns of moving out and we started looking for apartments. We put the deposit down on a brand new 550 sqft unit in November and just had to wait until January for it to be built. Just before new year we found a single wide trailer for sale in a local park that was priced to sell and needed work. We ended up backing out of our apartment deposit and bought the single wide trailer for 10k cash split 50/50.
From January until May I worked on the trailer everyday after work. Completely renovated the kitchen down to studs, bathroom down to the studs, replaced a window and redid plumbing, got a new water heater and carpet in the living room, re-leveled the hallway and laid new flooring down the hall and replaced the washer and dryer area due to water damage and electrical concerns. Repainted every room, new baseboards, and bought new appliances for the kitchen (except the fridge). I’m a handy person and did most of these things myself and only subbed out the water heater and carpet install. I was pretty burnt out and what should’ve been exciting for us I slowly began to resent.
Kate and my mom/sisters weren’t on talking terms during this either due to “the dress incident” which really peeved me. My sisters are seniors this year and had to go prom dress shopping, my mom and sisters had overlapping schedules and ultimately the only day they could go get dresses was a day that Kate was unable to attend. This hurt Kate’s feelings so much she decided she wasn’t going to talk to them until they apologized for leaving her out. My mom and sisters never reached out because they didn’t even know Kate was upset and when they did find out she was upset they didn’t feel like they owed her an apology and that it was just unfortunate circumstances. I tried explaining to Kate that it did suck they went without her and I was sorry she was upset but ultimately there wasn’t anything that could be done and they didn’t intentionally hurt her so maybe she should just drop it. Kate went from regularly being at my house to never coming over and my family took notice. Eventually Kate did make peace with my mom and one of my sisters, but not both. My other sister lashed out at Kate and accused her of being manipulative and childish, my sister for whatever reason decided to compare their traumas as well (which is completely uncalled for) and voiced no desire to have a relationship with Kate. Kate took this as you would expect and distanced herself from my sister and my house. I was livid with my sister for lashing out and I wanted them to work things out and encouraged both of them to talk to each other to work things out but they are both very prideful and both were willing to die on their hill.
I’m very family oriented and the stress of Kate not having a solid relationship with my family was extremely taxing to me both mentally and emotionally and this was on top of renovating the trailer and my suppressed feelings towards moving out. I totally checked out and eventually broke up with Kate. Now I’m wondering if I made the right choice or if I’m going to regret leaving my best friend and love of my life because I am just emotionally exhausted from the arguments and not totally being ready to move out. Kate has said she is willing to do couples therapy and I can live at home and she loves me deeply but I just don’t know anymore, the whole situation is the culmination of so many factors it’s hard to pinpoint why I want to leave, I just do but a part of me wants to keep fighting.

Last week I found out that my boyfriend was making female “friends and deleting all calls and text messages from his phone about it. I went through his phone because I had a weird feeling something wasn’t right (we do have each others passwords and have granted each other permission to browse about each others phones at any given time) So after a weird night where he came home from work he was requesting we engage in sex and I wasn’t really feeling it because it felt more like a demand to me and was not romantic in the slightest. This has continued to be the case ever since I had our third child back in November. Everything about our sex life has felt pressured, unromantic, demanding , unfeeling and honestly like a chore to me. Anyways this particular night was just feeling even more off as it spark a slight argument about how much sex we were apparently not having. The aggression mixed with the fact that we haven’t been talking much lately lead me to start feeling like he was hiding something. Particularly because my boyfriend is a pretty chatty guy. He’s one of few men that can literally talk for 24hrs nonstop. Honestly the slight distance wasn’t bothering me too much considering I have been going through my own postpartum depression and trying to stay stable and be a present mom to all three of our very demanding children which ages are 4,3 and 6 months. Literally NONE of these tiny humans can take care of themselves so I was just trying to manage my emotions the best I could and so not talking wasn’t a big thing to me. It wasn’t until that night that everything felt so very wrong to me that I decided after forever to peak into his phone. Hoping it was just my anxiety I snooped around and found things that seemed alarming to me. I noticed there were recently deleted messages from a woman I’d never heard of only 4 and one of them saying I’ll call you back. Which leads me to believe they’ve been taking often and these 4 messages are no where near the whole picture. I look at the message date and time and search his call logs and FaceTime for a call even closely corresponding to the text. Nothing came up. Then I decided to look for ANY call at all between them. Again nothing came up. This was enough to really deeply upset me because we had discussed boundaries in our relationship and one was that he currently told me he wanted to start making new “friends” and he’d like some to be female. I said okay that’s cool with me as long as you let me know you’ve made a new friend and are transparent about who you’re talking to. This was very important considering other times throughout our 6yr relationship he was dishonest about female friends and did things behind my back that were really painful during my last postpartum stage. Really all the postpartum stages. There are always secret calls and deleted texts with some new female friends”friend”. To that note he was searching up a women who we both agreed he would no long be friends with back when I had our other child and in his other iPhone that shares the same iCloud there were messages from a woman with the same name Bree but placed under the content JJ in his phone. I only knew it was Bree because he literally had a text under the contact saying “Hey Bree it’s so and so” I was floored at this point and my trust has felt like it was truly broken. He made up excuses and told me it’s all a misunderstanding and he was being careless but I didn’t buy it and kicked him out. Now it’s been a week and pretty much everyday he tries to come back and get back together but I really don’t think I want to. I honestly feel like although I’ve been devastated and heartbroken a part of me feels at peace with this absence and to be done with this untrustworthy relationship. I’m so confused at the moment and keep trying to just spend everyday I can taking care of myself and our children. I’m just lost and would love some advice on this situation, any thoughts?

I am a F17 and am friends with this guy who is M17. We dated in the past and eventually broke up YEARS AGO ( we were 15 ) before I realized I was a lesbian. He doesn’t care that I am a lesbian and absolutely adores me as a best friend. We do normal friend things, and he is usually really nice. He buys me things when I don’t ask for it and his mom is a sweetheart towards me. He is a normal guy.
But lately I’ve just been having this weird feeling around him. Every time we hang out he gets too close for comfort, but whatever, not anything big enough to worry about. He just acts way too comfortable around me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, physically he gets too comfortable. Honestly I feel like that’s irrelevant and I have these intrusive thoughts that he has malicious intentions to r@pe me, but I know it isn’t true. I get that way with any man I’m around.
To the point, basically we hung out a few days ago and I was expressing my uncomfortable feelings that I feel like sometimes people have plans to kill me ( it’s mostly him but of course I wouldn’t say that to him ), he laughs at me and jokes about it, grabbing his knife and coming towards me. I laugh uncomfortably and tell him to stop, and he doesn’t. I repeat myself, “No, like actually stop.” And he laughs and sets it down. I play along into the joke and tell him I bet he has something written down somewhere about his plans to kill me. He then goes into the joke again and is like, “I’ve been planning it forever, how did you know?”
Regardless if he was joking or not, shit like that freaks me out. I tried to let it go and remind myself that I struggle a lot with paranoia, and I’m just overthinking, but I don’t know, I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what to do.
Is it weird or just my thoughts

Race Information

• Name: Vermont City Marathon
• Date: May 26, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Burlington, VT
• Website: https://www.runvermont.org/
• Age: 35M
• Time: 3:26:22

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub-3:20	No
B	Sub-3:30	Yes
C	Finish	Yes

Splits

13.1 splits	Time
1	1:43:20
2	1:43:02

Ancient History

Growing up, I was always pretty active and started running in High School. Going into my Junior year, I began to take running much more seriously and made steady progress with a 5K PR of 17:06 at the State meet. Going into my Senior year, I had been training 6 days a week with the team and hitting 40-60 miles a week consistently with hopes of going low 16's by the end of the XC season. Then, disaster. Pain in my quads was getting worse and worse until a bone scan finally revealed bilateral femoral stress fractures - one midway along the midline of each femur. I was devastated, and completely stopped running from August until February. By then, it seemed like things were getting better and I was able to put in some good miles for the spring Track season. I was always a better mid-distance runner, and was able to snag a few PRs of 2:00 in the 800m (agony, 1s off) and 4:35 in the 1600m. By that point I was basically over running, completely burned out and sick of running.
10 years later...
I wake up one morning in April of 2017 to take a shower and realize that I have no temperature sensation in my right leg whatsoever. I'm now finishing grad school, I've moved across the country, first kid on the way and due in a matter of weeks. I'm not working out much at this point, maybe running every few months at best. Stress is high. I go to urgent care and the last 6 months of subtle pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional double vision start to make a lot more sense. Multiple Sclerosis. It's not a death sentence, but I felt like the world was ending. My kid was due in 4 weeks and now my future was completely uncertain. A month or two, an MRI and one spinal tap later and the diagnosis is confirmed.

Training

Fortunately, new medicines have made MS much more manageable and I was lucky to have a great medical team. Perhaps the most important thing to keep the disease in check beyond highly potent immunosuppressants is regular exercise. Time to start running again.
Starting out was rough, but within a few weeks I was able to feel ok running 15-20 miles a week in the 8-10 min/mile range. I keep that up consistently for a year or so and run my first 10K with a time of 44:42, which I was pretty proud of at the time. Things are going well for a while, second kid is on the way, my MS seems mostly stable, albeit leaving me with some permanent loss of function of my left leg (these gait issues will come up later), pins and needles in my right leg, and fatigue. Then COVID hits. Now I'm at home, with much more time. I increase my mileage a bit, now running 20-30 miles a week but not really following any particular plan or anything. Move across country, keep running when I can.
Mid-2023 I decided to finally take it up a level. I was mostly using the Garmin Daily Workouts at this point and running consistently 30 miles a week. I decided to run my first half-marathon, just as a virtual training run, and felt pretty good about my time with an 8:24/mi average pace. Going into fall, I juggled some illnesses but kept running. Unfortunately around November I started to develop Sesamoiditis and had to really limit my running to 35-40 miles per week. I ran a Christmas 5K with a time of 19:14, which felt pretty good, but was still dealing with the Sesamoid issue.
Over time, the Sesamoid started to resolve but I would occasionally feel some twinges in my right Adductor. Nevertheless, I felt like the time was now to try for my first Marathon. Around February, I finally committed and decided to do the Pfitz 12/55 plan. I had been consistently in the 35-40 range for a few months, so felt like I had a decent base. At first, I found the plan quite difficult to deal with. It was the most structured running I had done since high school, but after a while my schedule adapted and I was hitting all of the workouts. About halfway through, the Adductor issue started to really rear its ugly head. It seems like it's a combination of gait issues from my MS as well as compensating for the weakened Sesamoid. I attempted to strength train, but had to back off a bit.
At best, I was able to hit 53 miles a week, occasionally having to skip some workouts for cross-training or rest. I felt like I nailed the 20 mile runs pretty well and overall the LRs felt good. I ran one 5K as a kind of "tune-up" with a time of 19:21, pacing a friend, so putting in maybe 80-90% effort. Due to injuries and some travel I was never able to do one of the longer tune-up races. Unfortunately, the Adductor issue continued to wax and wane, finally flaring up badly about 3 weeks out from my target marathon. After a consultation with Ortho, I was told to stop running cold turkey for two weeks prior to the Marathon, and then a follow-up last Friday I was given the green light to try it ... cautiously ... but consider dropping out if it is too painful.

Pre-Race

My taper was compromised pretty heavily by the injury, so I was really feeling worried about how the race would go. That said, I knew that the training was done at this point, and so an extended rest shouldn't make TOO much of an impact if I feel ready. I carb-loaded three days out and tried to take on a lot of fluids. While my injury was feeling better, the next worry was the temperature. Forecast was saying low 60s for the start of the race, ramping up to the mid 70s by the time I expected to finish. We drove up to Burlington from the Boston area on Friday with the kids, and I likely did too much walking on Saturday but overall I was feeling ok and was fortunate to get a good amount of sleep Saturday night (7.5hrs).
I'm a scientist by training, so planning and preparation is second nature to me. I woke up at 4:45, had a cup of coffee, half a bagel, a banana, and a Maurten 160 drink. Because of the temperature, I decided to prepare two 500mL bottles of Tailwind, one that I would take with me and one that I would pickup from my wife at the Half point. I planned for 4 gels (Maurten@5mi, Gu@10mi, Maurten+Caf@15mi, Maurten@20) and to get a cup of water at every aid station each 2.5mi. I jogged down to the start at 6:15am, used the restroom probably 4 times, and lined up with the 3:30 group.

Race

My plan was to start out with the 3:30 pacer group and see how things go. The course is advertised as being flat and fast, but I'm not sure I believe that because there is a big hill you run up twice with 120ft of vert over about 1/2 mile and between 5-7% grade at times. The course is essentially two figure 8s, and you start in the middle. At 7:15am, we took off. The first few miles felt a bit stiff, but I was chatting it up with the pacers and feeling pretty relaxed. We were going a bit ahead of pace, clocking in at 7:50 per mile for the first 4-5 miles. Around the 10K mark, I was feeling a bit antsy and the pace was slowing down...I decided to head off alone, despite a lot of reservation that I was making a poor decision.
Around Mile 9, I was starting to feel a bit of tightness in my legs and my HR was in the high 160s. I was a little bit concerned about this early fatigue, but I knew from my training that I feel like this on almost every single run and it doesn't really seem to get worse, it just seems to be part of my mechanics or something. I kept pushing on, mile after mile, keeping my pace pretty consistently. Every aid station I got a cup of water, drank some and splashed the rest on my head. This made a HUGE difference in the end.
Mile 13, came in at the Half feeling great. Started up one of the hills and saw my wife. *Disaster* she had the wrong bottle. No carbs, no Tailwind for the 2nd half, and my current bottle was empty. At this point, I had also been taking my gels early. My stomach was feeling great so instead of a gel at every 5th mile I was taking one at every 4. The race provided gels at mile 8 and mile 21, so I had picked up an extra gel by this time and made the decision to stop at the next aid station around mile 15 and fill up my bottle with Gatorade. Salvation.
Kept chugging along, feeling a bit of fatigue setting in around the slog from mile 16-19. At mile 19, I saw my wife again and she had the correct bottle (it was my fault, she thought I meant for her to give me a larger, recovery bottle I had prepared of Skratch for after the race). I got my bottle of Tailwind and hit the monster hill at Mile 20. This was my slowest mile at 8:15 (GAP of 7:40) and it really sapped my strength. I was thinking that this must be like running Heartbreak Hill the entire time I was going up.
Through the hill, into the last 10K. Starting to feel desperate, just pushing forward every step of the way. The pacing in this marathon is quite strange, because it also has a Relay of either 2-person or 4-person teams, so you're always seeing different people with way fresher legs than you. Ended up finding a woman to run with who was crushing it, and we paced eachother the last 3-4 miles. Took a last gel around 24 miles and grinded it out to the end.

Berlin next... then Boston?

Post-race, I was feeling pretty happy with my 3:26 time. To be honest, I felt a little anti-climactic, although I'm not entirely sure why. I didn't feel a ton of adrenaline or emotion throughout the race and things seemed pretty collected. That said, I'm pretty surprised at how much I loved almost every minute of the race itself. Maybe it was just because it was my first time, but it was truly a fun and rewarding experience.
I think there were a few areas where I could have pushed just slightly harder, but given it was my first marathon on a somewhat challenging course in the heat I'm overall happy with my time. I absolutely nailed my hydration/fueling and my pacing, with a slightly negative split overall, so I'm really pleased with that. As a whole, I'd give my training cycle maybe a 6/10; I think I definitely raced too many of my training runs, likely leading to some of my injuries. I was also only able to go above 50mpw in 2 of the 12 weeks of the program.
Given my somewhat poor training cycle, I'm hoping that I still have a lot of room to improve. I was a bit worried that my MS would cause issues during the marathon, particularly my left leg, which tends to lose coordination in long, higher intensity efforts. Fortunately, it felt pretty good throughout.
Earlier in the year, I was lucky to get a spot for both Berlin and NYC. Given their proximity to each other, I'm going to try and defer NYC to next year. I've now been thinking through if I want to try and apply to Boston for 2025. Given my MS, I am technically eligible for an "adaptive" application, which has a cutoff time of 6:00. I feel in two minds about this, because on one hand I feel like I'm maybe taking a bit of the easy way out, when it might be possible for me to hit sub-3:05 some day. On the other hand, I don't know how many years I have left running so I'm thinking I might just seize the opportunity now and then try and qualify through the more "standard" way in the future. Curious on people's thoughts on this, and thanks for reading!
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

I am a F17 and am friends with this guy who is M17. We dated in the past and eventually broke up YEARS AGO ( we were 15 ) before I realized I was a lesbian. He doesn’t care that I am a lesbian and absolutely adores me as a best friend. We do normal friend things, and he is usually really nice. He buys me things when I don’t ask for it and his mom is a sweetheart towards me. He is a normal guy.
But lately I’ve just been having this weird feeling around him. Every time we hang out he gets too close for comfort, but whatever, not anything big enough to worry about. He just acts way too comfortable around me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, physically he gets too comfortable. Honestly I feel like that’s irrelevant and I have these intrusive thoughts that he has malicious intentions to r@pe me, but I know it isn’t true. I get that way with any man I’m around.
To the point, basically we hung out a few days ago and I was expressing my uncomfortable feelings that I feel like sometimes people have plans to kill me ( it’s mostly him but of course I wouldn’t say that to him ), he laughs at me and jokes about it, grabbing his knife and coming towards me. I laugh uncomfortably and tell him to stop, and he doesn’t. I repeat myself, “No, like actually stop.” And he laughs and sets it down. I play along into the joke and tell him I bet he has something written down somewhere about his plans to kill me. He then goes into the joke again and is like, “I’ve been planning it forever, how did you know?”
Regardless if he was joking or not, shit like that freaks me out. I tried to let it go and remind myself that I struggle a lot with paranoia, and I’m just overthinking, but I don’t know, I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what to do.
Is it weird or just my thoughts

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Total_Cap_8129. She posted in AmItheAsshole
I added paragraph breaks for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Mood Spoiler: sad but with good boundaries
Original Post: May 21, 2024
This is my first reddit post, throwaway. Also Englisch is not my first language.
My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewellery from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing. They always knew this and were close to their gradma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewellery to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Marke and Kate Middleton as examples.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politly declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t t want to antoganoize my brother and my sister-in law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet. If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money. I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, they feel it’s not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewellery“ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me the would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but It’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITA?
Relevant Comments (OOP had over 100, so this is very narrowed down):
Commenter: OP, she doesn't want to feel closer to her new family, she wants to know that she can push your brother to get her what she wants, even at the expense of his relationship with all of you. It's a game she is playing now, before they get married, so she knows exactly how far she can push you all and what she can get her greedy hands on with a temper tantrum and some threats to exclude you all.
Tell your brother the legacy he received is two watercolor paintings his ex wife has, and he's welcome to chase her down for that if he feels so strongly about it. But your jewelry was a gift your grandmother gave to you, and it is staying with you until you give it to your daughters.
Friend, if you cave to your brother and SIL on this, you'll be handing shit over as long as their marriage lasts. NTA.

OOP: Wow.. thanks for the clarity and direct words. I am starting to feel I was in denial about how bad this really is.
It’s worth mentioning that my brother obviously received his own inheritance as well.
(to another commenter): Also he got a sizable inheritance back then and his wife got two original artworks.. those jewelry pieces are worth approximately $1000 each while my mother’s original artworks are valued $1000-$3000 (she was an illustrator) so the issue is really not me sitting on a $50,000 diamond ring while they received two worthless sketches.

Commenter: Your dad presumably still had items from his wife? He can give one of his treasures to her. You and your sister and your three daughters got one item each. Not up for renegotiation.

OOP: We already offered but she claims it must be jewelry so she can wear it on her wedding day.

Commenter: Since the brother and fiancee seem to want to make the decision, ask them which granddaughter they feel deserves to be deprived of her grandmother's memento, AND how they intend to compensate said daughter for her exclusion from grandmotherly keepsakes. Tell them you cannot in good conscience hand anything over to the fiancee unless they can give a reasonable answer to these questions.

OOP: My husband actually asked them that and their answer was they believe that the twins should share.. which is obviously not going to happen as long as I am here to prevent it.

Commenter: How does the SIL even know about the jewelry?

OOP: I planned to give it to my girls at a family dinner commemorating our mother’s birthday next month and gave everyone a heads up. That’s how she got to know.

Commenter: You have 3 daughters. Your mother left you 3 items. It's pretty self-explanatory. Your mother didn't have to spell it it out for you. She just left them with you for safekeeping. If that wasn't her intention, she would have given them to your dad. Plus your daughters had a personal relationship with your mom (THEIR grandmother).
You got the watch. Your sis got the bracelet. Your daughters get the other 3.

OOP: Thanks.. I feel exactly the same way. I can’t for the life of me see where my brother claims we should have involved him in any discussion concerning who gets what because in my view it’s absolutely clear who gets what. And since she left those things to me, it’s up to me to make the decision. She could’ve left them to anybody else, but she didn’t. What else am I going to do with three pieces when I have three daughters?

Commenter: Tell your brother to stick it. These are for your daughters / her bloodline. This is so entitled and ridiculous.

OOP: I actually don’t care so much about the bloodline thing. If my father were to die tomorrow and each of this children would get some beloved sentimental items I would be really pissed if my husband who is very close to him would not get anything. Plus, I really understand why she wants to have something to feel more connected to her new family, especially since she is estranged to her parents and won’t get anything from them to wear on her wedding day. The problem lies solely in the fact that I don’t have anything to give her without hurting other people. I will not prioritise her feelings above my daughters.

Commenter: Bet you the reason she is estranged from her parents is an eye opener if you ever find it out. Whatever she told you it was is BS.

OOP: I don’t know the reason, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The fact that she is willing to blatantly ignore her nieces’ feelings and that wearing a piece of heirloom jewellery on her wedding day is more important to her than the girls’ connection to their beloved grandmother is a bit concerning to me.

Commenter: If she's trying to feel closer to your family, is there any jewelry that is yours or your sister's that could be given or loaned to her for her wedding day that isn't inherited from your mother?
Your sister and your daughters who actually knew and loved your mother should, of course, take precedence over someone who has only heard about her! NTA and your brother is being absurdly pushy.

OOP: We have now decided to pitch in together to buy something new for her to wear on her wedding day and have as a gift from the family. I hope she will accept this. I could also give her something from me as a loan but I feel buying something specifically for her would probably be better. It’s not that I feel she shouldn’t have anything and I would honestly offer to give her a piece if I had any spare pieces to give.

Commenter: NTA. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry. You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence. They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrites.

OOP: I can actually see why she would like to have something, we were all very close with mom and keep her memory alive and it’s tricky to enter into such a dynamic years later. I would give her something especially to wear on her wedding day (she is estranged from her parents) if I had anything to give but I can’t take away from my daughters to help her feel better.

Commenter: NTA - the items were left to you. No matter what happens in the future, your daughter's will be your daughter's. The same can't be said for your brothers fiance. That relationship could end, and then the jewelry wouldn't be part of the family anymore. If they were married when your mother passed, maybe I'd consider it, but they haven't tied the knot, so don't give her anything.

OOP: This has been brought up a lot but I feel I can’t in good conscience bring up the fact that their marriage might fail as an argument.

Commenter: NTA if your mom specifically left them to you. Y W B T A if you and your sister decided between yourselves to take all of the nice jewelry without giving any to brother. What about if/when he has daughters?

OOP: He was childless back than with no intention of starting a family and his first wife got an inheritance of her own and so did he. He was completely fine with us deciding what to do with the jewelry as neither him nor his ex wife were interested. The issue only came up with his fiancée recently. Had he voiced his objections ten years ago I would not have spent the last ten years preparing my daughters and the situation would be different. Also legally all items belong to me and I am under no obligation to share or discuss with anyone. I discussed with my sister because it seemed fitting.. again.. he was not interested.

Ask the first wife for paintings?
Asking first wife for her paintings might be an even harder no than the jewelry question honestly.. she received those paintings because she loved our mother and her art and she was a family member in her own right after replacing my mother as my disabled father’s full-time caretaker after my mother fell ill. I am not close to her anymore but I respect her and my mother‘s wishes enough to not hunt her down after seven years for what is legally and rightfully hers.
Update (Same Post): May 22, 2024 (Next Day)
Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, I would never have expected to get so valuable support and inside from strangers on the Internet. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart!
We came together with my brother and his fiancée after I had many of your replies to my husband and my sister. I stated clearly that I will support her in any way possible and that it’s very important for me to welcome home to the family properly but the jewelry is off the table because I believe I am fulfilling my mother’s wishes and I cannot hurt my daughters. I added that I believe that this is not the right way to join a family and that we should strive to resolve this conflict before it creates more tension between my daughters and their uncle and future aunt and also amongst us siblings.
At first, I thought my brother really saw my point and he seemed happy that we offered to pitch together to buy something for his fiancée. Unfortunately she is not willing to accept this. as some of you pointed out, she seems to believe that she ranks right beside my sister and me when it comes to our late mother and supersedes my daughters.. well.
She talked about her rightful place in the family and how she went no contact with her family because they denied her the respect that she deserves and that she will not hesitate to do the same with us. She also talked a lot about the pain of not being able to have any heirloom jewelry for her wedding. And honestly, I believe only a few days ago I would’ve given in presented with her tears but thanks to your kind words I was able to see through her emotional manipulation and really now that I am aware of what she’s doing it is so obvious..
I must say my brother looked very uncomfortable. She then stated that it would be a waste to give the pieces to my daughters since they would just sell them for the money to buy make-up wich is absurd. I ended the conversation at this point stating that I hold firm to my boundary and that they are free to do whatever they feel is the right thing for them.
I am heartbroken and I hope my brother will change his mind. So.. no happy ending but thanks again.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Thats great youve seen her for what shes really doing! Good luck to your brother because the fiancé sure sounds like a peach! Well done for looking out for your baby girls (I know they’re 18 but they’ll always be your babies!)!

OOP: They are capable and wise but they should not bear the consequences of the quarrels of others that they have no part in. And although I am heartbroken by all of this I can firmly feel my mother’s support in this as she put me in charge to protect what belongs to her granddaughters and daughters. Thank you for your support!

In response to a longer comment:

Thanks again.. I appreciate your encouragement. I hope their next move will be one of love and understanding but it’s hard to tell what they will do. While I don’t believe they are considering to physically steal the pieces from me, I have now given the two pieces meant for the younger girls to my mother-in-law for safekeeping at her house until the dust settles. She is obviously livid at the treatment of her granddaughters. The girls felt a lot of pressure from their uncle which is so heartbreaking.. my eldest on the other hand calls her future aunt a grifter and says she will not accept any change of plan to accommodate her so she will receive her piece as planned. She has also been looking forward to wearing it for a long time. I have no words really at this point.. hoping for the best.

​

i spent another year dating someone i thought really loved me and would change their mind about wanting a relationship, but didn’t. instead, we had unprotected sex, went on dates multiple times a week, met each other’s parents and friends, celebrated birthdays, and looked at apartments for him. fwb essentially. my stomach starts flipping when i think about how in hindsight i was so aware and yet so willing because i wanted to do all those things with him. but obviously it was breaking me because if it were me, i’d be wanting to do those things with him. here’s the thing; he told me from the first two weeks of dating that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. i loved spending any time i could with him because i loved him. i trusted him really quickly because he liked me for who i was. when he pointed out silly things about me it felt loving and flirty. he wasn’t mad that i was shy, soft spoken, and…slightly awkward. corny? in an endearing way? those things made him want to be around me more.
suddenly though, every so often he would get irritated by me. okay, fair enough. i can be annoying but it got worse. i feel like its torture to have relationship type fights with someone you’re not committed to, it leaves way too much room for people to take it too far. he gave his reasons for wanting no attachments and i said okay, ill let it slide for now because of how much he liked me, and how much i liked him. he wanted to go out with me every few days…i’m thinking to myself, okay this man is telling me he loves me, wants to see me all the time, and treats me well…he’s definitely gonna want me in the future right? i’m screaming because that was literally not the case sksks. he was looking for experiences with someone. i just happened to be the first girl he matched with and the plans went through with when he moved. we hit it off and ran with it.
so i’m letting it slide for months and every so often he would drop something like, “that’s us in the future” while pointing at a young family and mind you i trust this person so i’m thinking i’m in the clear. well we went on a 3 day trip together and all hell was breaking loose every day?? suddenly me not being able to hear him over high winds is the end of the world. my ideas are insane. me having anxiety is annoying. my personality is annoying. and its like hold up???
and that was our last interaction besides him sending me photos from the trip with no text. now i feel cursed because he doesn’t want to be with me or like me a chunk of the time but he keeps texting me? but not really???
also this man told me its my fault for having relationships problems because i keep picking the wrong men subconsciously 😭😭😭?? (he ate lowkey) but then he said he’s gonna crash my wedding with another man 😭 idk if i should laugh or cry 😭😭😂😭😭😭 i swear i keep picking the sweetest most wholesome men and then they start hating on me and i’m like damn ☠️💔

ok so i (18m) have had the WORST time trying to get a boyfriend and at this point i feel like something is wrong with me.
i come from a small town so not really many options there or in the surrounding areas, so i have to resort to online. ive tried it but it wasnt the best, they either break up with me bc of the time zones or idek what. however, the stick that broke the camels back was i was talking to this guy (18m) for about a year (we talking abt dating and all that stuff), but out of the blue he stops responding to me. i found his new insta (im guessing he blocked me?) and his first story was a “happy two month” post with his bf.
that was a few months ago and ive been spiraling ever since, like is it me or my personality or something? idk, but just wondering all you beautiful people with boyfriends/girlfriends/significant others what is the secret?

I finally trusted you again and I'm heart broken. I thought we were at at point where we would eventually be able to work through this together. It wasn't there yet but, there was hope again.
You were becoming a good Dad and a caring romantic partner.
I've had glimmers of hope through out the years:
-Fruit strip gum and 5th grade mouth shirt.
-When you asked me out in 6th grade and we had a homework date, with your weird nice Dad on his dial up internet.
-When you kissed me on my roof, while I was wearing my striped Contempo belly shirt (the next time we hung out you asked if you could pick Rosemary's sunflowers to give to Rae)
-When we went to homecoming together (but you took shrooms with Vinnie, so you were off, we danced a little.)
-When we had strange sex on your dorm room couch (my first time.) Followed by you discarding me when we were supposed to hang out next, after having my Mom drive 3 hours to get you, you didn't hang out with me when we got home. You NEEDED to go to the mall with again, Rae. I guess not a glimmer.
-Then I guess we were sex friends and kind of together, you spent lots of time at my house. You were so kind to my family (other than the time we got my 11 year old brother high and potentially ruined his mental health forever. This timeline isn't accurate but I thought of it.

• You were kind to my brother. Thank you for that. You really were a great brother in law to him. Be probably misses you.

-When you moved in with me . You had no where else to go but I pretended it was because you wanted to be with me. (We had some good times there, our room was toxic)
-We did ecstasy and had sex the football field. That was fun.
-You introduced me to your cold, cold family. They told/tell me I'm family too but that dynamic is weird. I don't envy that upbringing.
-We were a long distance couple but it was official. I ruined my education to make it work. I don't really regret that you're better than an education at that school.

• You told me a ghost told you we had to be together. I believed that piece only. Blocked out all the red flags, including Jessica (we've gone over that enough.) Dropped out of college and ran to you. You went back to her.

-She dumped you (finally, how many abortions later?) and you called me and played the thrown away song (not a glimmer, I was just glad you broke up, remember I made a decision to love you when I was 13.)
-You got jealous that I had a boyfriend and I brought his dog home from Florida. We had sex on my Mom's porch.
-You came down to Florida and saw I had good friends and was doing ok without you, you wanted me back (but you wanted to keep fucking all the strange that you were fucking and were ok with me doing the same until we got back together. I never touched anyone after that call, I don't care if you did.)
-Our Fernwood house was nice, I loved that you got me Stoops. You punched a hole in the door that I fixed witb painters plaster and we hung out with Jamie too much ( one night while I was sleeping I think something might have happened with you two but if you read everything before this you can see I'm not feeling secure in this relationship so who knows.)
-You were nice to my family, you loved my Mom and could converse with "Cool Cal," Diane and Jackie (they're tough.)

• You started talking about the band. You played a song (I didn't think it was that good, I didn't tell you that.) I wanted you to be famous, you deserve that. You're amazing!

-We went to California. You were so anxious and cruel the day we left. Then you told me you "just wanted to take care of me." My Mom told me to never be with someone who said that, that's what my Dad said to her. I didn't listen.

• You never got a job when we lived in Caifornia, I was OK with that. No one else was including Jesse. You took care of the house and made me food and really seemed to love me. I was happy. (I don't care if you did weird shit on tour, you came back to me,)

-We came back to Michigan, we built a home. We were broke and lost together.

• We went to Karen and Tom's wedding, I was proud to have you by my side, we were in love and I was pregnant.

-YOU DID NOT WANT KIDS (you told me this when we were about 17, you said you wanted to be with me but didn't want kids, maybe we would adopt when we were older.)
-I'm sorry I never listened to your words and tried to wish you into the person I dreamed you were. That's too much to live up to. I really am sorry I do this.
-We had the kids and they make all of this worth it.
-We didn't have 1 of them. I couldn't have another one without your support. We had sex on the washing machine and you told me you loved me and we could keep that baby. The next day you changed your mind. I didn't really want to do it again either but it felt good for a few minutes that you were agreeing to one.
-I cried and cried at that appointment once I was called back, you hardly looked at me while we were waiting, you were stoic. I couldn't have anymore kids with someone that didn't want them.
-I saw a blue meteor, I thought we should buy the blue house. The one I knew you would love, that came up on Zillow from time to time. I never told you about it because it was way too much work. Only the best version of both of us could handle that house.
-Zelda came, I was so happy for that one glimmer when that test was negative. But it wasn't.
-You told me "don't expect anything from me when that baby comes." I should have listened to your words
-Covid- I have writing longer than this and pictures of all the horrible, violent, heinous shit you said when that hit. I thought we would reset and bond and spend quality family time. Ha, see above. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have hope.
-Divorce. You threatened to kill me and all our kids. That's probably time to stop pretending this is working.
-I didn't stop pretending, we kept on. I held you and excused you and supported you. I fucked you with a passion I could never give you before because really it was already over and it didn't matter.
-It started to matter, you were helpful and kind again. You had your set backs but you seemed ready to finally commit to me and the kids.

• You went nuts, I soldiered on trying to make a living to support 3 kids, putting my interests on the shelf. I pushed you away so they wouldn't have to see you like that. I wanted to help you but I needed to protect them more.

-I asked you to get yourself help, you did.
-You called me a trigger and found your support from other women and not me.
-I feel lost without you, this is what I know.
-I feel like you can finally protect and love the kids.
-That's good!
-I'm strong but I need support too. You can't give that to me. I am choosing not to love you so I can find someone who will.

• I let you do this because I choose to love you. Why did you do?

*This shit is really a cycle and I've spun out at 43. I don't regret any of it, he gave me 3 beautiful kids. I was trying to me positive with this but almost every poitive thing is riddled with underlying negative that I pretended wasn't there at the time. *
If he/she's great but constantly makes makes you feel uneasy it's time to go!
Night, night 🌙 strong ladies and gents!

I have worked at my company for 3 years and I enjoy the work and most of my coworkers. It's a smaller company and on our team, there is only one other girl somewhat close to my age (about 6 years older and at the company for 5+ years). She was an admin and I was hired as an associate. We were "work friends" - we'd go out for drinks, eat lunch together, I've been to her house, we went on a weekend trip once.
She has been ostracizing and gossiping with me since about January. At first, I thought she was struggling with a new role (she moved positions to replace someone who left) and was frustrated with her job but then she started excluding me from things (such as planning things for our department) and acting like I don't exist. I didn't really notice until March as I don't like to think I'm a main character in people's lives and I was out of office a bunch due to a personal situation. Recently several people have come up to me telling me that she has been spreading (false) gossip about me and trying to "cancel me." I also walked in on her gossiping about me with a managing director by my desk.
The last time this happened was a year ago when I was promoted and she wasn't - but it wasn't this bad and she got over it. Our company has had a lot of drama surrounding the Israel/Palestine conflict (related to our line of work) but we have been able to avoid political arguments in the office. I know we're on different sides so I've danced around the issue/changed the subject and not talked to her about it. I also don't post anything on social media nor do we follow each other except for LinkedIn.
I've never been someone who needed to be best friends with my coworkers - I honestly prefer to keep my work and personal lives separate. But it's really hard to go into the office everyday and sit next to someone who is acting like you don't exist, rolling her eyes every time you join a conversation (we're in cubicles), and trying to "cancel me" or whatever. It's actually made me really depressed and anxious - I even had a panic attack in the office after I heard her gossiping (I thought it was about me but it was about someone else).
We're required to be in office Tues-Thurs and I want to do my job (I really like everything else about my role and the company) but I don't know what to do. Our HR has a policy that they prefer interpersonal conflicts to be resolved without them. I don't really want to talk to her directly because she'll just get defensive and tell me she's free to do as she pleases. I don't feel that close to anyone at work to talk to them about it. I also feel like I have nothing to complain about (just a girl gossiping about me) and that I'm just being overly sensitive.
But this has made me dread coming into the office - to the point where I wake up and lie in bed depressed and show up an hour late (which no one minds, we're flexible about start/end times). I am toying with the idea of requesting an ADA accommodation to work remotely (I do have a documented disability and it would help me) but I don't want to do anything that drastic (nor have that awkward conversation with my supervisor).
I don't know what to do. Am I just being overly sensitive? What's the best way to move forward with minimal drama? Like I said, I don't want to be friends, I just want to feel welcome in my workplace.

My boyfriend and I have been living together since May 2021, dating since January 2021. We both work full-time and have three pets together (2 of which we’ve rescued since living together). We both have the same vision for our future and have been shaping our lives around our future for the last year. Meaning we’ve talked about buying a house together, having kids, etc etc.
I knew previously that he had different views on marriage because we come from different backgrounds with different relationships role modeled by our caregivers…. Maybe you could guess that he came from a home where he’s never seen a happy or healthy marriage.
I have not brought up the topic of engagement or marriage until a few months back when I sent him a Pinterest board nonchalantly and then caught him looking at it. I brought up the topic of engagement and looking at rings together, he didn’t have much to say but I would say it went well. It was a very neutral and calm conversation.
Then two weeks ago, I had two friends get engaged (from completely different friend groups- just coincidentally a few days apart). I’m the MOH in one of my friend’s wedding this summer and have been planning the bachelorette party. Needless to say, marriage and engagement has been on my mind a lot….
And although I’m incredibly happy for my friends who are engaged (and also already married), I can’t help but feel envious. Or more or less, questioning why I can’t be experiencing the same in my relationship? It’s not so much jealousy but more feeling like doubting or questioning my own relationship.
My first friend to get engaged this year had been with her fiancé for a year. My two friends who recently got engaged had both been dating their boyfriends for less than two years. And only one of those three couples has ever lived out of their parent’s home yet…. I am not judging them at all but more thinking how come I’ve been with my bf for more than 3 years and building a life with him under the same roof for three years, but he won’t even talk about engagement.
We’ve had multiple disagreements and arguments since my two friends got engaged. My boyfriend continues to make one of two very conflicting points: 1) he wants that with me but isn’t ready or 2) that he wouldn’t tell me if he was ready because it’s supposed to be a surprise.
I am left feeling unhappy with the outcome of our conversations because he’s telling me he’s not ready but also acting like he doesn’t want to spoil some big surprise. I would know if he was shopping or saving for a ring because he can be a little frivolous with money and he’s made some recent bigger purchases.
How can I communicate with him or ask that he does have a conversation with me when he’s “ready”? He told me that there’s nothing I can do to get him to that point because it’s something he needs to work through and I do believe/trust that. But still it leaves me hanging and questioning whether it’s worth it to wait because I feel ready. I’m absolutely in love with him but I feel rejected and unwanted because of my own insecurities coming up lately.

I think about her all the time, have done so much in my daily life but it always circles back. She was my best friend for years before we ever dated. I miss her, I miss my friend. I thought I would be through the pain by now but it still persist