Make him call me spell 2011

WELCOME TO THE_PACK

2016.04.13 22:39 no_turn_unstoned WELCOME TO THE_PACK

THIS IS THE PACK WE'RE FUCKEN BAD ASS AND WE MAKE BOMBASS MEMES!!!!! CUM CRANK YOU'RE HOG IN ARE DISCORD MFER https://discord.gg/3WqqfRM !!!!!!!!!
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2015.09.18 20:05 James4-4 Disciple Making

A subreddit dedicated to making disciples in the Christian faith, as commanded by Christ in Matthew 28:18-20 "And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
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2018.12.26 16:24 swingerlover Occult Spells & News

Occult Spells & News is a community for all things occult dealing with spells, spell casting, love spells and current news and events in the world of the occult. Here you will find links to learn about the occult, how to cast spells, books to read on the occult and verified spell casters. You may not post services if you are not verified. We do not tolerate scammers.
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2024.05.16 09:29 peachykeenems I genuinely don't understand jealousy

Hi, sorry if this seems so jumbled. I just want to start of by saying I am NOT diagnosed. In the future I plan on seeking out an evaluation.
But anyways, one of the reasons I believe I may be autistic is due to the fact that I don't understand a lot of things socially. I'm quiet and polite, I'm kind. Most of the time I'm genuinely just chilling. I am kind to people because I know the world and people are cruel. I don't believe I'm like "creepily" overly kind where people feel as if I'm invasive. I have never understood why people talk badly about others behind their back and I don't participate. I find no reason to because why should I? It's their life, let them live it.
I also want to say I'm a young woman in her 20s and unfortunately women can be mean and sneaky and unfortunately it seems hard to find friends who are genuine.I'm not saying that to be offensive at all or to sound like the "I'm not like other girls". I genuinely just don't understand why. In high school it was of course especially bad. I'd have girl friends that would be genuinely nice for years. And suddenly it's like a weird mask comes off and they get jealous and angry. I wouldn't even call myself conveniently attractive so I don't believe to be a threat in terms of looks. I'd always respect boundaries regarding their boyfriends, never texted them and only hung out with them when my friend was around. I'd never even sit close to them. But it seems like a weird possessiveness would take over.
I had a best friend of over 5 years. We were inseparable. We laughed and cried together. But when I finally got a boyfriend (fiancé now) that treated me kindly (both of us unfortunately have a history of unstable and abusive relationships), it's like that mask came off and jealousy came roaring in. She suddenly stopped talking to me as much. After I moved in with him I'd offer her to come over (My fiancé would as well) I'd still try to face time her regularly, I'd text her and ask how she was doing. She would constantly make excuses as to why she wasn't talking as much and coming over. Unfortunately we had a very bad falling out which included her accusing me of abandoning her despite me reassuring her and making my best efforts to remain in contact. I felt awful because I never meant for her to feel that way. My fiancé would constantly reassure me it was jealousy and that it was her own problem and that I did the best I could. When I tried to speak to her calmly about it, it seemed she would attack my character and kept reiterating that I had abandoned her. After I moved she also began hanging around this guy, let's call him J. Who disliked me for no reason. I was friends with his fiancé and I used to think he was my friend too until my former best friend informed me he would talk badly about me when I was not there. That hurt me of course because I genuinely enjoyed his company and he was friendly to me. After I moved away she began hanging out with him more and she said later on how he was the only one there for her when she would question why I abandoned her.
That was a couple years ago now and as silly as it sounds in still greiveing it and trying to understand, not just the one incident but the similar ones I had growing up. I have trouble understanding how jealousy works, because I always celebrate my friends and family's achievements. What did I do wrong? I'm really sorry if this seems weird or not for this sub. I just thought that others here would understand the frustration of not fully understanding social norms.
So, TLDR: Please try to explain to autistic (possibly) woman why NT women are jealous all the time. Thank you.
submitted by peachykeenems to autism [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:28 haygurlhay123 “This Time, I Will Never Let You Go”: Cloud’s Mission and the Hidden Purpose of the Remake Trilogy - Literary and Musical Analysis of FFVII - Part 3

“This Time, I Will Never Let You Go”: Cloud’s Mission and the Hidden Purpose of the Remake Trilogy - Literary and Musical Analysis of FFVII - Part 3

~III. e) The~ ~Mobius FF x FFVII~ ~collaboration~
Alright, back to our suspension world-hopping! Let’s visit the realm of Mobius FF, —more specifically, the collaboration between Mobius FF and FFVII—, where I found the most substantial evidence for my theory.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the Mobius FF (MFF) world and games, let’s begin with a bit of a summary of the parts relevant to us. The story takes place in a world called Palamecia, to which people from other worlds are inexplicably summoned. The vast majority of those who are brought there don’t remember anything from their worlds of origin or their lives before Palamecia except their names: these amnesiac people are called Blanks. The main character is Wol, accompanied by a guiding fairy of Palamecia named Echo. Echo knows a lot about the mechanisms of Palamecia, as she’s tied to the realm. The leader of this world is Vox, a being who manifests only as a voice. The first thing all Blanks remember before they wake in Palamecia is Vox telling them the rules of the realm. Incidentally, the crystals of the MFF world are teleportation crystals.
~III. e) i. Devs’ Statements~
Let’s review some of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration devs’ statements before diving into its story.
For both the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and the Remake project, Kitase took on the role of producer while Nojima supervised the screenplay and wrote the scenario. The project leader was none other than the Remake trilogy’s Hamaguchi, who told a SE interviewer the following:
“We would love for you to play the [MFF x FFVII] collaboration event as you look forward to [Remake’s] release” (“Celebration of the Overseas Release of the Steam Version and FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE Collaboration Event”, Square Enix).
He later hints at the collaboration’s storyline:
“This collaboration is focused on Cloud, so the other characters will not make an appearance. Players will join Cloud, who has gone astray in Palamecia, on his adventures and see how the story unfolds based on his decisions. Content-wise, FINAL FANTASY VII fans will surely become fraught with emotion as events unfold in-game (laughs).”
Kitase concurs on the emotional aspect of the collaboration in the same interview:
“When it comes to the story, I seek two things– ‘mystery’ and ‘[…] emotional impact’.”
Clearly, fans of FFVII are supposed to react emotionally to the events of the collaboration. With these statements in mind to give us perspective, we can get into the plot points relevant to our analysis. MFF x FFVII Remake comes in two parts, the relevant plot points of which I will describe and analyze one at a time.
~III. e) ii.~ ~Eclipse Contact~
~1)~ ~Fact-Finding~
Part one of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration event is called Eclipse Contact. It came out in 2017 on Aerith’s birthday, February 7th, and its release campaign ran until March. In Eclipse Contact, Palamecia welcomes someone new: Cloud Strife appears in the realm with very little recollection of his core world of FFVII.
Cloud isn’t a Blank, since he recalls the mako reactors in Midgar upon his arrival in Palamecia, and also remembers that he was hired by Avalanche to blow them up:
“Echo: How did you end up in Palamecia?

Cloud: I… That day... I remember now. A job. I had taken a job. I was hired muscle protecting clients. They wanted to stop the reactor... We used a train to get past security... Was it at night? Something happened... Next thing I knew, I was floating through darkness. Then [I woke up here]”.
This piece of dialogue reveals that Eclipse Contact Cloud’s memories end at the very moment when Avalanche arrives at reactor 1 in OG (disk 1, chapter 1): the very beginning of the game. Consequently, Cloud does not remember anything that happened from the beginning of the OG timeline onwards.
Wol and Echo are intrigued by Cloud’s strange case: non-Blanks rarely arrive in Palamecia. The following text appears on the screen shortly after they meet:
“Perhaps he is not truly who he thinks he is.
Perhaps everything is illusory, a dream.
Only one thing is certain, that he must press on, one step at a time, toward the light that shines from the promised land.”
Just like he did in FFT’s Ivalice, Cloud feels the need to find the Promised Land in MFF x FFVII, despite the fact that he lacks memories of the OG timeline. Though Cloud doesn’t remember anything beyond the train ride to reactor 1, he does remember the Promised Land (at least somewhat). This is odd, given that in OG, Cloud didn’t learn about the Promised Land until several chapters into the game.
Wol and Echo agree to help Cloud figure out why he’s here, since there’s clearly something strange going on with his presence in Palamecia. In fact, Cloud brought Midgar’s mako reactors with him somehow, transplanting them onto the landscape of Palamecia. The group decides to bomb these reactors, following Cloud’s instincts in the hopes that it will jog his memory.
Now for my favorite part. After blowing up another reactor, the group is surprised by the appearance of a crystal. A piano rendition of Aerith’s theme begins. When Wol tries to touch the crystal, something akin to a force field rejects him. When Cloud approaches it, however, the crystal responds to his hand by flashing with light. As it begins to glow, Wol concludes that the crystal is linked to Cloud and Cloud alone. Let’s examine the resulting dialogue:
“Echo: This is the light in your memories. The light of home.

Cloud: Home? But I don’t—

Echo: If you don't remember… then your home is lost to you.

Cloud: Then my memories are gone.

Wol: Do you want to reclaim your past?

Cloud: Not interested... I am what I am now. Not what I was.

Wol: Then tell me… This light. If you can’t remember it, what does it mean to you?

Cloud: It's a warm light... I feel at peace. If this place —home— is as warm and peaceful as this light, then I want to go there.

Echo: You can't go there... Not back to the past.

Cloud: I see.

Echo: But even if you can't go back to the past, you can go forward. If you wish for it strongly enough, the crystal will show you the way. The way to a new world. The way to your Promised Land. […]

Cloud: So... Should [I] take [my] chances and make a wish to this crystal?

Wol: Go ahead. It’s your crystal.

Echo: I should warn you that once you start on this journey, there's no coming back.

Cloud: The past is the past. I want to go to a place where everything is new. I’m ready.“
What follows is a moment I call the wishing scene (13:43-14:34). Cloud closes his eyes and wishes on the crystal. It flashes, and suddenly, rainbow-colored ripples of light appear around it. Aerith’s theme is replaced by a slightly modified version of “Midgar, City of Mako”, the track that plays during the opening cutscene of Remake. You can recreate the modification by listening to “Midgar, City of Mako” from 2:00 to 2:23, then skipping to 3:00 and listening until 3:18. You may recognize the musical motif that kicks off the wishing scene as the Lifestream motif, which has become symbolic of the mysteries of the Remake trilogy, as it often plays during scenes where unexplainable plot deviations from OG occur— more specifically, deviations involving multiverse shenanigans. For instance, it plays during MOTF 4. It also plays in Rebirth after Cloud blocks masamune as Aerith is shown dying anyway.
Cloud disappears with his crystal, after which Echo speaks to Wol about Cloud’s journey:
“Echo: Each person gets the Promised Land they justly deserve, not the one they really need. If you’re a bad person, you go to a bad place. If you expect nothing, you get nothing. Even the journey there makes you look deep within yourself to find out who you really are. Cloud should be facing his own past as we speak. It’s cruel, but necessary. That battle was a long time coming”.
Apparently, at least in the context of this collaboration event, the Promised Land can be a reward or a punishment, depending on which you deserve. Echo explains that Cloud will have to face himself and his past on his way to his Promised Land. This means that the Cloud that appears in Eclipse Contact must next embark on a journey that will confront him with his past, test his mettle, and ultimately lead him to the Promised Land he justly deserves.
~III. e) ii. 2) Fact Analysis~
There’s a lot of vital information to dig into here, mostly provided by Echo. She claims that the crystal’s light is linked to Cloud’s memories of home; Cloud has to have known this home in the past, as it could not otherwise exist in his memories. MFF Cloud must be a post-OG Cloud. Unfortunately, Echo indicates that whatever Cloud’s home is, he’s lost both it and his memories of it. Despite this, Cloud describes his home as warm and peaceful, concluding that he wishes to find it. Though Cloud can’t return to the past, Echo tells him that if he wishes it strongly enough, the crystal can guide him toward a new world, where his home and his Promised Land exist in the future. The fact that Aerith’s theme is playing all throughout these descriptions of Cloud’s lost home, his Promised Land and the past that he can’t return to makes it extremely obvious that these concepts all point to Aerith. Aerith is Cloud’s lost home. Wherever Aerith is, that’s his Promised Land. The time spent with Aerith before her loss is the past he tragically can’t return to. You might have clocked the similarities between Eclipse Contact’s mention of Cloud’s lost home and DFF’s mention of Cloud’s lost dream: in both these titles, Cloud’s home and dream are equivalent to his Promised Land. It’s confirmed yet again that Aerith is the one Cloud hopes to return to, just like every soul returns to the Lifestream. At this juncture of my research, I was curious as to why the last thing Cloud remembers before waking in Palamecia is the run-up to the Reactor 1 bombing mission in OG (disk 1, chapter 1). This mystery will have to persist for a while longer.
The alarm bells in your head might’ve been triggered by the mention of the wishing scene’s rainbow ripple effects— and rightfully so. This visual cue has sparked passionate debate in the fandom since its appearances in Rebirth, as seen in these pictures:
Zack Choosing To Get A Cure For Cloud, Rebirth Chapter 14; Creating a New World/Timeline
Aerith Pushing Cloud Out of that World/Timeline, Remake Chapter 14
Cloud Blocking Masamune, Rebirth Chapter 14; Creating New World/Timeline
You might have read or heard that this rainbow effect signifies that a character has entered another timeline, created a portal to another timeline, created a new timeline or is being shown different timelines. Indeed, whenever the OG timeline is deviated from in a significant way, this effect appears. The pictures above present multiple examples of these shifting realities.
One might propose that the rainbow ripples in Eclipse Contact and Rebirth are unrelated because of the long period between their respective release dates. This long in-between period indeed makes it likelier that the effect was used without forethought in Eclipse Contact, forgotten over the years, and incidentally reused in Rebirth as a plot-important visual cue with no connection to Eclipse Contact. I’m inclined to disagree since the crystal is specifically described as a vessel that can take Cloud “to a new world” by Echo, which is a bit on the nose. Regardless, it’s plausible that there’s no connection. That is, it would be, if the rainbow effect didn’t show up in Remake too.
When the Whispers are finally defeated in chapter 18 of Remake, a burst of the rainbow ripple effects indicate the emergence of multiple worlds, newly freed from the restrictive clutches of fate (1:16:36-1:16:47). Shortly thereafter, Sephiroth takes Cloud to the Edge of Creation and invites him to join forces with him. Cloud refuses, and Sephiroth says the following:
“Seven seconds till the end. Time enough for you. Perhaps. But what will you do with it? Let's see.”
The question “What will you do with it?” implies that the answer is unknown, meaning Cloud is no longer bound to the OG timeline by fate: many alternate futures lay ahead. Sephiroth is telling Cloud and the audience that now, the mystery of the Remake trilogy has become “Which future will Cloud bring into existence? Which among the infinite possible timelines will his choices result in?” After pondering this aloud, Sephiroth leaves Cloud alone to consider the rainbow effects in the sky (1:19:23-1:19:36). Because they generally represent alternate or changing timelines, it’s safe to assume that the rainbow ripples here represent the myriad of possible worlds that Cloud’s actions in those seven seconds could generate. After all, Sephiroth was just talking about them, and chapter 18’s description in Remake reads as follows:
“In a world beyond, Sephiroth shows Cloud a vision of the planet seven seconds before its demise. Having strayed from the course destiny set for them, they strike out on a path towards an unknown future."
This explains why the player is shown Cloud staring at those colors in the apocalyptic sky at world’s end, directly after hearing Sephiroth’s cryptic words: those are all the alternate “unknown future” timelines ahead of him, now unravelled from fate. Amongst those rainbow ripples lies the answer to the question “What will you do with [the seven seconds]?”
Given that Remake was released in 2020 and Eclipse Contact came out in 2017, the major story elements of the Remake trilogy —including the eventuality of alternate timelines— had to have been planned out at the time of Eclipse Contact’s release: while the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration was being made, Remake was also in production. Also recall that the collaboration event and the Remake trilogy share a codirector in Hamaguchi, a writer in Nojima and a producer in Kitase. Based on all this, it’s more than likely that the rainbow ripples in the Remake trilogy and inEclipse Contact represent the very same thing: alternate worlds and timelines. All this to say that when the rainbow effect appears around the crystal in the Eclipse Contact, it means the crystal is acting as a vessel to another world, just like Echo said.
But that’s not all Echo said: she also mentioned that this other world would take Cloud to his home, to his Promised Land. We’ve already established what that means for Cloud, what it’s meant since two whole decades at the time of Eclipse Contact’s release: this crystal will take Cloud to Aerith. So, where exactly did the crystal take Cloud? In what world can he meet Aerith again?
The music that plays during the wishing scene gives us a huge hint. As I noted before, the track playing in the background is a slightly modified version of Remake’s “Midgar, City of Mako”, which plays in the introduction cutscene of Remake. This is a musical cue that the ending of Cloud’s journey in Eclipse Contact and the very beginning of the Remake trilogy are closely related. Add the fact that the devs wanted players to experience this collaboration event before playing Remake, and it becomes undeniable: the crystal that appeared to Cloud in Palamecia —which offers to lead him to his home and Promised Land, meaning to Aerith—, took him to the world of the Remaketrilogy.
Eclipse Contact is huge. The whole crux of my theory lives and dies right here. However, we still have part two of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration event to analyze as well as its promotions to look into before I can drop the thesis on you, so bear with me in order to receive the most thorough analysis of all this possible! I want to give you every drop of proof I can!
~III. e) ii.~ ~MFF x FFVII Remake Fatal Calling~
~1) Fact-Finding~
Fatal Calling came out February 1 of 2018, and its release campaign ended in March. The game opens with a cutscene: Cloud is floating, seemingly unconscious, through a sparkling, green current of light. The current flows into a circle of bright, white light, surrounded by rainbow ripple effects as Cloud is driven toward and into it. An orb floats along with him. The Advent Children theme “The Promised Land” plays, a choir of mournful, aching, mutedly desperate souls engaged in a lamenting prayer. Sephiroth’s voice echoes:
“Sephiroth: It’s time. You may turn your back on the past, lock your memories away. Hide reality beneath a layer of illusion. But destiny will not die so easily. Yes. At memory’s end you may plead for it all to go away. But the past is a curse, binding your soul. It’s time. Wake to your fate. Rise to your destiny.

Cloud: (In a half-conscious grunt) Reunion…

Sephiroth: The light will lead you. Wake to your fate. Rise!”
Sephiroth’s mentions of Cloud hiding under an illusion and repressing his memories are no doubt allusions to Cloud’s past, which was complicated and darkened by Hojo’s experiments. It makes sense, then, that Cloud responds with “Reunion”. Fatal Calling indeed focuses on Cloud’s relationship to his past, his identity and Sephiroth. Everything involving Nibelheim —where everything started—, Sephiroth’s manipulation, and Hojo’s experiments are on the table. Also noteworthy if not out of place is Sephiroth’s evocation of fate.
Cloud enters a battle with Sephiroth with the help of Wol and Echo, who are surprised to see him back in Palamecia. Cloud tells them about the orb seen floating along with him in the opening cutscene: though he calls it a materia, he doesn’t know how or when he acquired it. Based on his behavior, it appears that Cloud remembers just as little about the events of OG as he did by the end of Eclipse Contact. Wol informs Cloud that whoever he heard speaking to him on his way here was probably Vox pretending to be Sephiroth.
As the group advances, Cloud recalls Midgar and decides they should go there next. At one of Midgar’s mako reactors, the group encounters Sephiroth, who speaks to himself:
“It's still not enough. This... this is but a pale imitation of the power I desire.”
Once Sephiroth has disappeared, Cloud explains what he remembers: Sephiroth was the greatest SOLDIER of all and a hero to Cloud, though Cloud can’t remember what exactly ended this admiration. As players of FFVII OG, we know the event in question is the Nibelheim incident, wherein Sephiroth slaughtered the town’s residents, including Cloud’s mother, after learning of his past. The former war hero also severely injured Tifa, whom Cloud presumed dead when he found her in the old mako reactor with a vicious slash on her chest. Cloud is agitated by the gaps in his memory, so the group resolves to follow Sephiroth for answers. When they find him again, Sephiroth causes Cloud to experience a piercing headache with the mere mention of the Reunion. They fight, but Sephiroth is too powerful— he skewers Cloud with the masamune and taunts his unconscious body:
“Sephiroth: A puppet. I won’t kill you. Not yet. Not until you know true despair.
Wol: If you want despair, we got plenty to go around. Palamecia’s full of it.
Sephiroth: Yes, this planet knows suffering. But it is not the world that was promised to me. I must go home. Tell Cloud, if he wants to see me again, he should face his memories. I will await him there, in the land of memory, where it all began. In Nibelheim.”
Sephiroth darkens Cloud’s materia, turning it black. Later, Wol explains to Cloud that Sephiroth stole the light from his materia, taking Cloud’s strength along with it.
Once Cloud has woken up, the group travels to Nibelheim to uncover the truth about Cloud’s memories. Cloud slowly gathers pieces of his past, shown to the player as titled, diary-like text written from various perspectives. Cloud learns the truth about SOLDIER, Jenova cells, Sephiroth, and what happened in Nibelheim. Let’s examine a few of these diary entries:
“A Warrior’s Tale: There's a girl in Nibelheim I think about. Warm. Cheerful. More grown-up than a child. Haven't talked to her much, but she seems nice. She's going to be leading the SOLDIERs to the mountain reactor. Maybe if I get into the survey team I'll get a chance to talk to her? Nah. She's out of my league.”
Young Cloud’s crush on Tifa is on full display! This must be a memory from his time as an infantryman accompanying Zack and Sephiroth to Nibelheim.
“Tale of the Nameless: I drift along in the mako, asleep. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Give me a number. I… I… I am… The Reunion. The Reunion must happen.”
This entry could be taken from any one of the Nibelheim survivors’ perspectives, as they were all bathed in mako and turned into Sephiroth clones. I would venture to say this is Cloud’s perspective though, given the reference to this iconic line from OG:
“Cloud: Professor... please give me a number. Please, Professor...
Hojo: Shut up, miserable failure.” (disk 2, chapter 2).
The trio encounters Sephiroth near the old Mt. Nibel mako reactor. Because Sephiroth stole the light from his materia earlier, Cloud goes into the confrontation already drained of his strength. However, when Cloud lifts the materia in his hand, it lights up and creates rainbow ripples in the air around him, similar to those seen in Eclipse Contact and Rebirth. Cloud is healed of his injuries: he closes his eyes for a moment, wearing a peaceful expression. Sephiroth is displeased, but recovers quickly:
“Sephiroth: The guiding light… it healed you.

Wol: […] here, near the mako reactor, the materia regained its light. And your strength returned […]. [Sephiroth]’s here so he can steal the power you've stored inside that materia.

Sephiroth, with a short laugh: I have all the power I need. Cloud. What strength you’ve regained is yours. Use it to fight me. It’s time. Let’s decide this, in this land lost to despair. The prize is home. The Promised Land. There to answer the call of destiny.”
With this second evocation of fate, Sephiroth disappears.
Cloud, Wol and Echo find Sephiroth at the Northern Crater. He mocks Cloud for believing the orb in his possession is materia. Sephiroth waves a hand and his signature black and purple fog surrounds Cloud, immobilizing him. Sephiroth claims that the power Cloud regained at the Mt. Nibel reactor was Sephiroth’s all along. Now that it courses through Cloud’s veins, Sephiroth controls him. He calls Cloud his puppet and finishes with the following before the two vanish, leaving Wol and Echo alone:

“Now, let us return. Back to the Promised Land. The time of the Reunion has come.”
After Cloud finally breaks free and defeats Sephiroth with the help of Wol and Echo, the villain makes a final threat:
“Very good, Cloud. You’ve destroyed an illusion. But the time will come to abandon your illusions and face reality. Then, you will know true pain.”

Sephiroth disappears for the last time, his body surrounded by his signature dark fog and the rainbow ripples. A piano rendition of Tifa’s theme begins. Cloud’s orb rises into the air and becomes a crystal, with the same shape and glow as the one we see in Eclipse Contact. The following dialogue is illuminating:

“Cloud: I will fight. The light will lead me where I need to go.

Wol: You sure? Wasn’t that [crystal] Sephiroth’s?

Cloud: I heard Sephiroth's voice, at the end. Inside me. Whatever he put in me, it’s still in there. Someday I’ll settle that score. If I can't avoid destiny, I might as well face it head-on.

Wol: Yeah. That was quite a speech, Cloud. Surprised you made it through without laughing.

Cloud: Yeah, forget I said it. I will too.

Echo: Forgetting won’t make it go away. Even if the words fade from memory, your dream will never disappear. Not until it becomes real.“

The crystal shines as though in response.

“Echo: See? See, that's how the light of hope works. Hope can turn your dreams into reality.

Cloud: Yeah. I guess so. I might forget this world, but I won’t forget hope. And my reality, that’s for me to live.”
Tifa’s theme ends. Cloud approaches the crystal, and disappears in a beam of blinding light. Once Cloud has vanished with the crystal, Aerith’s theme begins playing. A few pale feathers with a slight orange tint (the color of MFF) float down onto the floor where he stood seconds before. The image fades to black. The credits roll, and Aerith’s theme continues all the way through.
Once both the final name in the credits and Aerith’s theme fade, we’re surprised by a sudden, troubling image: Sephiroth appears in a frightening flash, standing amidst the flames of Nibelheim. When his image fades to black, the collaboration title “Final Fantasy VII x Mobius Final Fantasy”appears on the screen. The FFVII title is surrounded by the 1997 meteor logo. Then, a flash of light: the titles reappear, except this time, they read “Final Fantasy VII REMAKE x Mobius Final Fantasy”. The new Remake Meteor logo replaces the 1997 version. As soon as these changes to the FFVIItitle and meteor logo occur, Aerith’s theme returns. It plays on until the game ends a few seconds later, the screen fading to black.
~III. e) ii. 2) Fact Analysis~
The introduction cutscene shows that MFF Cloud travelled from Eclipse Contact to Fatal Calling via Lifestream. It’s unclear how much time has passed in between, but the atemporal nature of the Lifestream makes the question irrelevant. My theory that MFF Cloud has died is corroborated by the way he’s depicted in the opening cutscene: his eyes are closed and his body is limp as the Lifestream carries him.
Eclipse Contact ended with Echo’s claim that Cloud will face his true self and confront his past while he journeys to his Promised Land. This description resembles what Cloud experienced in the OG Lifestream sequence (disk 2, chapter 8). Indeed, Fatal Calling revolves around the same topics the Lifestream sequence addresses: the truth about the Nibelheim incident, Hojo’s experiments, young Cloud’s crush on Tifa, etc. The opening cutscene shows Cloud being transported to his Promised Land and facing his past on the way there, just like Echo said he would.
Let’s now take a long detour to examine the song that plays during the opening cutscene of Fatal Calling: “The Promised Land” theme from Advent Children. The title and general subject of this song are obviously relevant to the cutscene, but there must be more to its inclusion than that. Perhaps the lyrics can help us understand its appearance in the opening cutscene of Fatal Calling. Here are the unofficial English lyrics (translated from the original Japanese lyrics by an anonymous fan and verified by me via DeepL):
“Why do we cling together?
Why do we give punishment to lesser hearts?
The planet did not forgive us
Did not forgive us
The planet did not forgive us
Did not forgive us
The pulse of veins flows through the earth
A faint, faint pulse
Of a heart drawn to death
A gentle life returns to the planet
Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?
Why do we cling together?
Why do we beg for forgiveness
In the Promised Land?” (“‘The Promised Land’ (theme)” by Final Fantasy Wiki).
The song appears to be a regretful lament of human behavior, expressed by the repetition of “Why do we […]?” questions. The behaviors listed are all typically human ones: the terms “[clinging] together” and “[giving] punishment to [the] lesser” express the uniquely human nature of tribalism and the consequences of the fear and hatred it can generate, and “[begging] for forgiveness in the Promised Land” is likely a reference to the human hypocrisy of only feeling sorry for one’s crimes when judgement day arrives. This last line describes a scenario where someone remains passive or ignorant in the face of something important, only to realize its essentiality once it’s too late. The repeated“The planet did not forgive us” lines reflect the fear of being condemned forever because of one’s mistakes, as though the planet is a deity one has sinned against. The lyric describing a pulse in the earth is obviously about the planet being alive— a reference to the Lifestream. But the pulse is faint and weak and the planet is dying, perishing because of mankind’s greed. This is an indictment of mako energy. The line “A gentle life returns to the planet” refers to an innocent’s soul returning to the Lifestream after death, while the next lyric “Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?” protests the “sacrifice” of the planet’s soul energy for mako production. In all this darkness, this song’s mention of “forgiveness in the Promised Land” leaves a modicum of hope for a better place, however meek, even though mankind might not deserve it. The song “The Promised Land” is both a lament of mankind’s ways and a plea for mercy, with religious and/or spiritual undertones. The song’s themes seem to be: the Promised Land itself, regret and shame, the sins and foolishness of mankind, the death of innocents, grief, Cetra spirituality, and a meek, quiet hope despite it all. The most interesting aspect of the song is its antithetical portrayal of death as a thing of both despair and hope, condemnation and salvation, cruelty and mercy, suffering and relief. Maybe we can glean more information about this theme’s significance in the world of FFVII if we examine the contexts in which it appears.
Importantly, the song plays in Marlene’s introductory narration of Advent Children, meaning its themes are related or similar to the film’s. I highly recommend listening and watching it again, even if you remember this iconic segment. Marlene references Aerith’s sacrifice as the image of Cloud lowering her into the water is shown. Note that Marlene says “Sadness was the price to see it end” (2:36) after we are shown Aerith’s death and her subsequent unleashing of the Lifestream (1:49-2:24): Aerith’s innocent life was sacrificed for the planet’s survival. The lyrics “A gentle life returns to the planet” and “Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?” suit Aerith’s situation quite well.
The theme also plays in Advent Children as Kadaj dies in Cloud’s arms (1:45:00-1:47:55), hearing Aerith’s gentle voice and reaching up to take her invisible hand. Here is what Aerith says to him in his dying moments as “The Promised Land” plays:
“Aerith’s voice: Kadaj?

Kadaj: Huh?

The dark sky has gone with Sephiroth. Healing rain starts falling from bright clouds. The rain no longer hurts Kadaj.

Aerith’s voice: You don’t have to hang on any longer.

Kadaj: Mother! Is that…?

Aerith’s voice: Everyone’s waiting, if you’re ready.

Kadaj nods his head slightly in acceptance. He holds out his hand, and slowly evaporates into the Lifestream. Cloud watches […]” (Advent Children).

Kadaj is brought into the Lifestream by Aerith as she provides rain from the Lifestream. All those with geostigma are healed by the rain, and Tifa feels Aerith’s presence as the party celebrates:

“Tifa, looking out at the falling rain […]: Somehow, I knew you were there. Thank you” (Advent Children).

Cloud stands in the rain with a smile —his first in the whole film—, closes his eyes and basks in Aerith’s healing with his face upturned. He is finally at peace:

“Cloud’s expression is one of peace as the [Lifestream] rain patters against him” (Final Fantasy VII Advent Children English script, “[83] Atop the Shinra Building”).

One thing is clear: the track “The Promised Land” accompanies Aerith. It only makes sense, since we’ve seen overwhelming evidence that she is Cloud’s Promised Land, and since she occupies the Lifestream —which some consider the Promised Land as it is where souls go after death— during the events of Advent Children. Note that when the piece plays, Cloud is shown either mourning Aerith and releasing her into the river at the Cetra capital, or basking in her presence, smiling with relief at the peaceful feeling that she’s somewhere near: these two opposing scenes reflect the song’s antithetical portrayal of death.

Additionally, the song’s themes of regret, shame concerning one’s sins and a small hope perfectly describe Cloud’s character arc and feelings in Advent Children. Cloud regrets his inability to save Aerith, which he considers a sin. Further, he only realized how important she is to him once it was too late to tell her. And of course, he harbors a fragile yet important hope that he’ll be reunited with her in the Promised Land:

“‘Can sins ever be forgiven?’ — Cloud asks this to Vincent, who mutters a brief answer. For both of them, ‘I couldn't protect my loved one’ is the sense of guilt that they carry, so their words resonate with weight” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVIIWorld”, “Vincent Valentine”, “In Advent Children”, page 72).

"’It is my sin that I couldn't protect my loved one’ — under this assumption, Cloud closes off his heart. What will the reunion with Aerith bring him? ‘I... think I want to be forgiven. Yeah, I just want to be forgiven’” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVIIWorld”, “Cloud Strife”, “In Advent Children”, page 40).
“Cloud, after seeing Aerith’s hand reach for him through the Lifestream: … I think I'm beginning to understand.

Tifa: What?

Cloud: An answer from the Planet… the Promised Land... I think I can meet her... there” (disk 3, chapter 3).

Just as the song and Marlene express in the introduction of the film, Aerith was innocent, and her sacrifice generated great grief. Cloud finally experiences peace when he feels her presence in the healing rain, and he smiles: he’s glad to be with her again, even if it’s only for a brief moment of tangential respite.
The scene depicts Aerith guiding Kadaj into the Lifestream as the song plays, tying her to the concept and theme song of the Promised Land once more. This connection is later solidified by Tifa’s thanks to the late flower girl. All of this evidence shows us that this musical theme is intimately linked to Aerith, as it never plays in her absence. After all, the song speaks of sins, the death of innocents, forgiveness, grief, a small sense of hope, regret and the afterlife: all themes relevant to Cloud’s feelings surrounding Aerith’s death in and outside of Advent Children.
The Remake OST also includes a version of this piece called “The Promised Land - Cycle of Life”. This iteration of the theme begins playing in the wake of the first bombing mission, right after Sephiroth taunts Cloud with his mother’s dying words in Sector 8 (chapter 2). Sephiroth appears to Cloud surrounded by flames, evoking the Nibelheim massacre, and the theme begins playing in the background once he disappears, continuing (13:17-15:30) as Cloud walks through the sector, encountering fires and destruction all around him. This version of the Promised Land theme is meant to emphasize the deaths of the innocent Nibelheim townsfolk and the innocents in Sector 8. This dreadful atmosphere is amplified by the cries of despair that ring all around as Cloud passes by NPC Sector 8 residents. Perhaps the themes of tribalism and mankind’s sin are relevant to this scene as well, since Shinra and Avalanche are two distinct and warring groups whose quarrels, regardless of their necessity, result in the deaths of innocents. The theme of guilt also emerges, reflecting the Avalanche members’ feelings upon seeing the unintended collateral damage of the explosion. “The Promised Land - Cycle of Life” plays until Cloud encounters Aerith on Loveless. So it seems in this scenario, the heavy weight of death and despair is lifted when Cloud meets the lively, cheery Aerith. Once more, Aerith is central to the musical theme of the Promised Land, as well as to the concept itself.
I also noticed that a version of the song plays as Cloud and the party ready to enter the Forgotten Capital to save Aerith in Rebirth’s chapter 14: it truly adds the weight of her upcoming death to the scene.
Back to Fatal Calling, the scene where Cloud regains his strength is quite mysterious. Wol says Cloud’s orb regained its “guiding light” light because of its proximity to the mako reactor. In the moment his strength is replenished, Cloud is shown tilting his head back and closing his eyes: this is reminiscent of the scene in Advent Children when he stands under Aerith’s healing Lifestream rain, feeling at peace. The rainbow ripples shining from the orb indicate that something is crossing the boundaries of worlds. Since the mako reactor pumps up the Lifestream, being near a reactor also means being physically near the Lifestream. This means Aerith’s spirit is within proximity. In my opinion, Aerith was able to heal Cloud from the Lifestream, just like in Advent Children. However, Aerith is not in Palamecia with him: her healing had to travel there through the Lifestream, transcending the boundaries of worlds, hence the rainbow ripples.
Let’s now address the appearance of Tifa’s character theme in Fatal Calling. Since Fatal Calling is all about discovering Cloud’s past in Nibelheim and then in Hojo’s lab, it makes lots of sense for Tifa’s theme to play as the crystal appears. In OG’s Lifestream sequence (disk 2 chapter 8), she’s the one there helping Cloud sort through his past instead of Wol and Echo. Cloud even picks up a piece of his childhood crush on Tifa in Fatal Calling as a shard of his memory. After all, this crush was the catalyst for him joining SOLDIER, and everything that transpired in consequence:

“Cloud: That was the first time I heard about Sephiroth. If I got strong like Sephiroth, then everyone might... If I could just get stronger... Then even Tifa would have to notice me” (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 8).
Additionally, it’s fitting that her theme should begin right after Sephiroth speaks of “[abandoning] your illusions and [facing] reality”, considering that Cloud’s false persona was concocted by Jenova using Tifa’s mistaken impressions of Cloud:

“While being tended to by a station worker in the Sector 7 Slum train station, [Cloud] was reunited with Tifa, and using the abilities of Jenova’s cells, formed a new personality” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVII World, “Cloud Strife”, “Cloud Behavior Record, Compilation of FFVII”, page 40).

“(Image caption:) A new personality takes shape the moment he sees Tifa” (FFVII Story Playback, “Story Check: Tifa’s Flashback”).

“Tifa (to Cloud): Deep down, you're a pretty nice guy. Didn't see it when we were kids, but...” (Remake, chapter 14).

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2024.05.16 09:25 altacc9002 Is this normal? Cant tell if my girlfriend (25F) is attracted to me (27M)?

I had a late start in life with IRL relationships. This is my first real one. Was a virgin before by choice since i was focused on grinding my wealth up and waiting for the "right person" to do things with.
We have been talking on and off for years online and there were always sparks there previously but nothing happened. We first started talking back when i used to be broke and didnt have nuch going on at the time. I was rejected by her initally about 6 years ago, we stopped talking for a few years and eventually just chatted every now and then if she decided to reach out to me. I always had a thing for her but respectfully kept my distance. She has been keeping tabs on my life and knew when I started doing really well for myself the past couple years.
For months prior this year we sparked it up again online, talking everyday wheneve she had a free moment of time and even sleeping on call every night. She seemed quite into me and would make it clear she wanted me or was horny frequently online and would send me hot pics/vids. We met up IRL finally and she did initiate a few times at the start because she knew i was inexperienced. We discovered i had trouble getting fully hard, i suspect it was because of possible porn-induced ED with freq masterbation in my past. This was quite embaraasing but she said it still felt good even tho it was only semi hard. I did also go down on her and i do enjoy that. I promised to just quit watching porn or jerking off altogether which ive stuck to til now.
Despite my problem down there for now, she still really wanted me to ask her out officially which i did. Up around this point i had done a lot of research about foreplay and just trying to learn how to touch her to get the mood going. She seemed to go along with the touching and we did have sex a few more times around this time.
However, ever since we made it "official" it feels like she's much less willing to be touchy or have any sex at all. We had sex a week after making it official. Since then I've had my foreplaytouching rejected and brushed off, she told me on multiple instances she didnt want to be touched when she was trying to sleep so i would try in the mornings and get rejected and eventually she told me she didnt want to be touched when shes sleeping in (she lays in bed for hours in the morning with her eyes closed even if shes mostly awake).
So i stopped trying to make any bold moves after a bunch of rejections. I've waited for things to happen on her terms since she's a bold person and will initiate if she wants it, she is the opposite of shy. I would cuddle with her but would avoid touching as much. It took 3 weeks but she did finally initiate again on her own. The relationship is barely a month old at this point and right before the 3 week dry spell ended i was honestly feeling extremely unwanted/undesired.
I havent been in a relationship before so i really have no idea if this is normal. I lack experience and my advances after we were official were all rejected. About a week ago I just straight asked if she was attracted to me because it felt like we werent doing anything sexually and she said that she was attracted to me and sex wasnt important to her and it's something for special occasions or whatever and that women are complicated. She seemed a little annoyed when i brought this up saying "your demons came out for zero" and made it known she didnt get as much sleep that morning because i brought up that convo while she was laying there (she was awake when i started the convo).
I just dropped it there but honestly it feels important to me because despite my issues it did feel good and i did feel closer with her when we did do it. Because I've also quit jerking off or watching porn since our very first encounters, I've been extremely frustrated since i cant do anything about how horny i may be feeling since my prev solution was to just rub it out. I could probably go every morning and night if it was up to me although i know it's unrealistic to expect.
I love her but i am honestly not sure how to bring this issue up again without making it weird or pressuring her to do something she doesnt want to do. I feel like she lost her attraction to me or faked it and only did it with me after that 3 week dry spell as a chore. A bit after this 3 week period we also had our 1 month anniversary date somewhere nice, we dressed up very well and she even said she was horny when we were there and couldnt wait for later (honestly caught me off guard that she felt anything for me). However we got home... aaaand nothing, she went straight to sleep after going to bed.
It digs into my own insecurities a bit that if she isnt attracted to me, then she might have other reasons for being with me, like that I'm quite well off and could honestly retire at my age with a modest budget. I pay for everything when we go out, I've paid for a ton of fun experiences and outings, even for her friends if we go out with them too. I've probably spent over 20k in the last month or so on theme parks, gifts, hotels, fancy dinners, etc. I even knew she was behind on bills so i sent her 4k straight up to help out. She works 12 hr shifts waiting at a restaurant everyday and is basically in debt. She's had a ton of past relationships and partners so she has a lot of experience. She also used to post a lot on OF for another revenue source but she wouldnt have any partners or anything, it was a solo activity OF from what she described to me. She doesnt currently do OF right now since ive gotten with her.
I stay at her home since i flew in a month ago and take care of the chores when shes out at work all day, walk/feed the dogs, etc. I have put a lot of effort in so i dont know what else I could have done to have the bedroom feel dead in a 1 month relationship. She's also been bringing her large dog to bed everyday and there's honestly not much room for the 3 of us. I told her i cant sleep well with the dog in the bed since im a light sleeper and the dog actively competed with me for space during the night, but nothing has changed. I bought a $100 doggy bed after making it known i really cant sleep at all. She helped pick it out with me. The dog seems to like the bed and uses it throughout the day, but she still brings him to the bed and cuddles the dog to sleep on most nights, so the dog hasnt slept once in it. I swear the dog has gotten more kisses and affection than me lol...
I'm 170 lbs, 6 ft tall, think i look at least above average although my confidence in myself has gone down since this relationship started. I've never once lost my temper, raised my voice, and im extremely gentle with her and try to put her first.
She has one of my cards saved on her Apple Pay and other spending things to make it easier for me to help her. I literally am paying for all her Uber eats like when she's at work. I'm aware that the money bit may sound alarming to a lot of people but i can afford it and i literally do not mind taking care of someone i love if it means that i also feel loved and wanted... but with how the bedroom is currently going... idk. I feel like she was initiating and reciprocating way more frequently at the start up until I heard from her how she wished i would just ask her out already and it feels like it's dropped off hard since. The relationship is currently 1 month and a week old altho we have talked on and off for 6 years online before meeting up for the first time a month ago.
I really want to make it work. I know this is probably not how a typical relationship looks like but i just want my needs met. I just want to feel wanted by my partner. Shes really the only girl I've really wanted but i cant tell if it just seemed better from a distance online before making things official in person or im a little delusional. I've enjoyed my time with her when we are out and about doing things together. Idk if this is going to work long term, would love some more perspective.
(Also I did recently get Cialis prescribed which should help with bloodflow downstairs, but haven't had any action to try to gage differences with it.)
submitted by altacc9002 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:25 hiikqru finally happened to my store (USA)

finally happened to my store (USA)
I’ve seen pics of orders that have an item that have nothing but one thing on it…but it happened to me when I worked the last hour of my shift. My store usually closes at 11 pm daily but this time, we had to close at 10:30 due to the original closing manager calling off. It always gets hella busy during the last hour when we close and to no surprise, there was a line to the street with only two people in grill, myself taking orders and money in drive thru, another employee and one manager running front counter. We had an UberEats order and the driver happened to be in the drive thru, usually not a problem but for this order, it was chaos. The kitchen kept asking us what they wanted for the DQP. My manager had to ask the driver to call the person who ordered it to make sure if they wanted just strips of bacon. We were already behind on orders and very close to closing time as well. The customer didn’t pick up the phone at first and we had the driver wait in like for almost 30 minutes. Eventually, we gave up and just had the grill put bacon in a small box and packed the order. Not even after a couple seconds when I am about to hand the order to the driver, the customer calls back. The driver hands me his phone, obviously mad for the wait, and i proceed to talk with them. Turns out, the guy had ordered it wrong on the app and just wanted a regular DBQ with bacon on it. I told him it was no worries but we wanted to make sure that we were reading the order right. The guy on the phone apologized since he didn’t know that he had ordered it like that. We got the DBQ ready and packed in the bag and i finally gave it out to the driver. Truly one of the most stressful orders 😭. (I did complimented on my voice by a pretty lady in the drive thru after that chaotic event so it was all good :3). This is why i always double if not triple check my own orders when I get food online to make sure everything is correct.
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2024.05.16 09:20 SubstantialYou6879 Is it normal for my (F20) bf (M20) to not want to have sex with me anymore?

We have been dating for almost a year (not too long). We also dated a few years back, he was my first love and we reconnected. I truly love him and I believe that he loves/loved me too.
I have recently become suicidal and I guess depressed (not diagnosed) and I have been feeling extremely self critical so when my bf suddenly stopped having sex with me I can’t help but feel like I have done something wrong.
In the first 6 months our sex life was amazing, he would make me finish and I would sometimes cry/get upset after sex (I’m not sure why this happens) but when it happen he would cuddle me tell me it’s okay and still be attracted to me.
He would never reject sex if I was in the mood especially if I offered head. So it’s not like he has a low libido. But recently we have been having (what I like to call) our weekly pitty sex because it feels like he only does it with me so that I can’t say he doesn’t have sex with me.
It takes him much longer to get hard over me and it happens much more rarely. This would be okay if the sex was pleasurable for both of us but it lasts a couple of minutes and he doesn’t even try to satisfy me anymore. (I kiss him, give him head and make it as good for him as I can so it feels pretty selfish).
I have also started to become irritated by the fact that we only have sex when he wants it. I let him have sex with me whenever he wants because I’m worried I won’t have a chance to have sex with him for a long time if I say no. So even when I’m not in the mood I still let him do it. Whenever I’m in the mood he never wants to do it ( which would be fine if it worked both ways but when his in the mood it feels like we have to have sex or else I’m crazy because I love cock so much so I’m just apparently “not having sex to be petty ” since he says “I love cock so much” and never because I’m not in the mood.
He says nothings changed and that apparently I’m “crazy for cock” and I “love cock so much”. Which makes me feel really bad as I used to get bullied for apparently being a slut my whole life (rumours started by an ex bf caused this).
I’m just very attracted to him and don’t understand why he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore. I have tried to talk to him about this but he always tells me to Shutup, that I’m talking bulshit, that I’m making things up and then he leaves. He always leaves so we don’t get to talk. Most days the second I start to cry he just gets really angry and leaves even when I tell him I have been feeling suicidal and have been searching how to end my life. He just leaves and says I’m crazy.
He used to care for me deeply when I was upset.
Is it normal for men to lose feelings for their gfs sexually? Is he too used to me? Should I change anything? Maybe it’s coz I gained weight but it’s honestly not very noticeable I’m still relatively fit maybe just not as much as I was at the beginning. He says he doesn’t watch porn and I believe him.
I don’t know what to do. Im a highly emotional person (he knows all this we have known eachother since we were 14) and I don’t know how to deal with these emotions of self hatred.
Ps.
I just wanted to say that I don’t see sex as a purely pleasurable thing. I see sex as a bonding between two people and I find that it shows ur love for someone as you want to please them. I have tried toys and masturabation but it’s not the same thing as a bond with someone.
Pps.
I have recently tried to join therapy but there is a long waiting list and I don’t know if I will even get a spot.
Ppps.
Other than his reaction to my sadness and our recentl lack of sex everything is amazing, I truly love him we go on holidays, buy eachother gifts and spend nearly everyday together. I’m only worried about his reactions to my sadness and what I could do to make myself more attractive to him. As I won’t get answer from him, he just says he is still attracted to me.
Also please let me know if I’m just being crazy sometimes I feel like my brain doesn’t work properly and no one wants to listen and work out why I feel the way I do. I myself don’t know why I feel how I feel sometimes. Please be nice.
submitted by SubstantialYou6879 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:19 Prior_Result_8206 AITA

I (18f) am a senior in high school. Because of covid I lost every friend I had from previous school years (like most people), I ended up doing online school the entirety of my freshman year. Sophomore year I had covid the first 3 weeks of school, so I was late to the friend making game. I ended up eventually making friends with this one kid in one of my class. Or friendship for sophomore year mainly consisted of us working on school assignments together, and eating lunch together. Junior year we had more of the same classes, around 3, one of which is band. We both play the same instrument and while I sucked at it because I started later than most and because of covid, he was no doubtedly the best at our school. I worked really hard into becoming a better player (remember this for later). Since we had more classes we ended up taking more. Whenever I said something that I didn't like I was told I was being sensitive. Whenever I said something regarding school he acted like I'm wrong. He's been a strait A student since the 6th grade, while I, although very good at school and very good grades, have not had a strait As since middle school, mostly due to go through trauma that severely impacted me. He started dating someone about half way though the year.
Senior year starts, I am not as "sensitive" as before, mostly because I just stopped showing that I cared for the most part. Me and him have 5 classes together. And this is where the problem starts.
I had heard a rumor where he tried to sexualy assault his girlfriend at the time (they broke up). I was livid, not at him, once I found out I called him, told him what I heard and that if she dared spread that rumor I would start a fight because that's not something to joke about. He acted calm and just said what he always said "the people who would believe that just aren't real friends, and it's not my problem". He says this is you say any criticism about him. I was so angry at her, until...
One of my friends took me aside and told me what they had heard. They heard that it did happen, and that he (the person who had the rumor about him) had talked about fingering her before. They told me that he had talked shit about me to his (ex)girlfriend, saying that he hated me. Which hurt a lot. I ended up asking her if he did, and because we had never really been on bad terms she said that all he ever really said about me was that I was bad at playing my instrument, but I know she was keeping things from me. Because he is the type of person to do that. From this moment I spotted letting him get away with everything.
Fast forward a couple months, I slowly stopped letting people just get what they want no matter what I want. In my music class my teacher gave us a stack of music to choose from, I had the stack in my hand and someone took it out of my hand and I chose last. Which made me upset but I didn't fight it. The next time we got to choose music I was looking though the stack and I said I would play vibraphone, then looked and it played 3 times and then said I would also play xylophone, which the friend that took me aside was not happy with, (probably should have named them, from this point onward the original guy a x, the friend that pulled me aside is y). Me and y ended up arguing and he ended up with the xylophone and bell part (which both played way more then the 3 notes I got to play). I wasn't happy and I was showing it, after class y started coming at me saying I was being ridiculous and that it was just music and was just talking down to me like I was stupid. I ended up yelling "I am done with the converstation" only after multiple minutes of being talked down to and talked over. People when over to him and asked him what he did which he did not like. A couple days later y text me saying he hated bad blood but it was clear pretty early on he didn't want to work though things he wanted to prove me wrong and say that I was being sensitive and dramatic (which I have been called multiple time since this insident), after this conversation this topic was dropped.
A couple weeks later a different friend (z) gave me a milk carton and called me a very derogatory term that I did not like, and because no one ever takes me seriously I said "I fucking dare you to say that again" which got the work out that I was being serious to most people at lunch, except x who just laugh and then when he looked at me asked "Wait really?", the next Day it was brought up and someone said that should apologize and he did, he then goes to get x and tells x, then x comes out of nowhere, starts talking down to me saying that z doesn't have to apologize and ignoring everyone else who is saying that if you hurt your friends feelings you should apologize. He starts digging into me specifically and I didn't even make him apologize. After several minutes I get so angry I throw my empty milk container at him, and then go to class. (Yes immature I know, but I throw things like pickles at people who are Annoying me, it's funny). After school I final tell him what I'm feeling, granted it though text because of my anxiety. I tell him that he was the asshole, that z dosnt need him fighting his battle, especially if there is no battle to be fought, I reiterated that if you hurt someone feelings, whether or not you think it's ridiculous you should apologize, I told him whether or not he thinks I'm being dramatic (which I have heard them muttering under there breaths) that i have a right to be dramatic. I told him he going to regret putting people on pedestals that don't deserve it. I told him I was tired of feeling like a last choice, and that be makes me feel like garbage. His response to this was "good for you". Which hurt because I thought he would actually take my feelings seriously. The next day I bring it up to y to see what he heard, (because x likes to gossip and spread things more than a girl when it comes to things I say) and he said that he heard that I freaked out after being called the derogatory term, and made z apologize. When trying to tell y my side of the story he said I was being ridiculous, that I wasn't going to make friends in my future if I got offended by being called that term. At some point he asked me who I expected him to believe, x and z or me, and whenever I said ask anyone else who was there his reasons was "of course there gonna take your side". He ends up getting angry that I'm getting upset by what he's saying and says that z hasn't been sitting with the group at lunch because of me, and that z dosnt even like me anymore and dosnt want to be friends. Which made me cry, I ended up walking away after that and cried so hard it gave me a migraine.
Since this event I spotted sitting with them at lunch and if I do sit with them I sit away from x y and z. I don't text them anymore, I block them on Instagram (which I only check once every blue moon). Z found out about this, and confronted me, I said I just needed a little bit of space and done extra privacy and his response was "well I guess I'll just never talk too you again" and then proceed to not say a word to me for a week. During this time x and y have been rolling there eyes and snickering at me.
For the last few weeks I have been getting compliments on how much I have improved on my instrument, like where my band director has yelled out in class telling me good job. It has made me really happy that they see me improving and I really needed someone not think I'm incompetent. Since this has started x has been stand off ish, been arguing with me more. Like I say I'm sad and he says "just don't be sad" or I say i have trouble running the mile because I have server asthma he say "just don't have asthma" and when I say that's not how it works he says I'm closed minded. He said that he has had trama and he's fine, and he doesn't understand that not everyone's perfect. He stared rolling his eyes more and stuff like that.
In my math class for the last unit we are put in group and then we will teach the class a part of the lesson, my group was the first to go up and we go up and x and one of his friends are laughing the whole time. I get in my head about it and loose all my confidence, and as I'm showing how to solve a problem I get my answer and say to the class "I'm sorry if this is wrong but this is what I got" I felt really embarrassed and I hear him say that's not what he got, and then they start laughing. Again he is a start A student and doesn't try. After a minute or two my teacher come up to me and tells me I'm right Which made me feel a little bit better. After me partner was done with her problem I go back up to show one more and I point out that the problem I wasn't sure on, that what I had gotten as an answer was correct.
Last incenident (sorry this is so long) Me x and y are in a group and we preform piece in out instruments (we all play the same) we have a couple events coming up, one of which we were practicing for and x was moving his drum up and down so I started to copy what I saw. My drum sits higher and most of x's body was blocked so I copied what I saw. When they see he they said I look ridiculous, and telling me I'm doing it wrong and I say I'm copying what I'm seeing, and this goes back and forth and y said "yup your right and everyone else is wrong", all I'm trying to do is defend myself that what I see may be something different then what he's doing. Another event is coming up where we preform this one song we spend 2 to 3 months on at out schools talent show, there are 6 of us in the group, 3 of us want to do it, one of us has the SAT and dosnet know when the SAT starts to he doesn't know yet but x and y have been complaining about it saying they don't want to do it because they think that No one will show up and that it will be lame. Auditions are tomorrow and they both say they are bust, granted y has a valid excuse, x hasn't said an excuse just said that he was busy even though he hadn't mention it in previous conversations about this subject and only said it at the last minute which made me said, that they aren't getting out of the talent show and that they can't always get what they want.
So AITA
submitted by Prior_Result_8206 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:19 Own_Tower3454 I (19F) want to get an apartment with my boyfriend (19M), how do I tell my mom (35F)?

Any and all perspectives help more than you know. I don’t have anybody to really talk about this with so any guidance is appreciated. It’s a lot to read, I might yap but with reason
I’m 19 years old and have just finished my spring semester of college. I went to a big college out of town, my main financial aid fucked me over so I had to switch at semester to my home state’s university. Anyway, this year was kinda tough for me lost a couple family members & my boyfriend had it rough, lost his best friend and dad within a few months of each other. Then we find out I’m pregnant. I wasn’t sure what I really wanted but didn’t get to make a choice, I miscarried sometime later. It was hard so I went back to hometown & finished semester online while staying with boyfriend until I needed to move my stuff out of dorm.
My boyfriend is 19 and we’ve been together a year & a half, but known each other since middle school. We dated in 8 grade until he had to move out of state, he moved back & we started hanging out again. My circle is small & I don’t really make/have any friends but he’s my best friend. Even if we wouldn’t have chose to date after he came back to town, ik we would’ve been good friends. My family liked him or seemed to at least, especially my mom.
It’s well known in my family that my mom and I just don’t get along. She kept me quite literally locked away as the Cinderella child until I left. I could only do things if she wasn’t in a bad mood/something didn’t need cleaned/ a child didn’t need to be picked up/dropped off. My friends in high school never invited me ANYWHERE lmao but after a while I figured out it’s easier to just deal w it rather than push back harder. I didn’t know how to use a crosswalk until I was 14 lmao I was so sheltered sorry ANYWAYS, I turned 18 and it was like I had a brand new mother until her fear of me leaving wore off.
Long story short, the summer before I left for college (last summer) my mom & I got into a fight, I didn’t have anywhere else to go so I moved in with boyfriend. My mom did the absolute most, almost got me fired from my job & ambulance ended up being called from how much of a tantrum she threw. It was so ridiculous that she refused to tell anybody what happened when people asked because she said it’s too embarrassing for her.
Just like that, she flipped. My boyfriend had a rough upbringing which she knows some stuff about. She took that and twisted the narrative to make him seem like some sort of charity case that took advantage of her generous & good graces. She calls him the hungry kid who hangs out w her daughter behind my back. He’s no longer allowed at her house lmao just out of spite. He never said a word to her or about her when she had the worst to say about him, he never was disrespectful or showed up to the house either so idrk why she said that. Even when I moved out & she drained my entire savings I had worked for since I was 15, he never said anything bad about her just that i was going to be okay & he’s gonna help me figure it out. Not only that but she shunned me for a long time, refused to talk & look at me after I moved out. My little brother was 5 and didn’t really understand but my mom didn’t try to explain or kid proof it, just let him scream, cry, & claw at my legs whenever I’d leave the house to go home. I felt incredibly guilty & like I had to compensate so I’d stress out & make sure to see her and my siblings every single day till I left for college.
If you’re still reading thank you sm.
Fast forward to today, I went to college finished my semester and am back in my hometown. Over breaks in college I’ve stayed at my moms cause she expected me to and her & I’s relationship has gotten so much better with distance. Between her and boyfriend, they were my biggest support especially with the miscarriage. But the only conversation they’ve had is when him and I went to talk to my mom in person when I found out I was pregnant. Not sure where she stands with him idrc but I’m sure she probably hates him more since we did technically make her worst fear as a mother come true.
Im living with her now mainly cause I don’t want to be isolated again & i physically cant deal with the debilitating anxiety and guilt every day, I wanted to try to focus on healing & resting before I start classes in the fall. Boyfriend’s family situation is getting v challenging for him, hes gonna get a place regardless. I really just want a space where I’m not feeling constantly overstimulated & I miss living with him a lot honestly. We make the best team & it’s so easy with him. I catch myself getting so excited looking at furniture even from the thrift or think ab cooking meals w him or decorating. I miss him making breakfast for me before I wake up and folding laundry together and grocery shopping. He’s paying 6 months rent in advance so that I won’t have to worry about getting enough hours & can enjoy summer and actually rest. Both of us independently have a pretty thick cushion to fall back on too just in case. So finances aren’t a problem I think?
My mom isn’t too keen on the idea. I think she doesn’t want me to make the same mistakes she made, which I understand because I was also there when she was left with half of every pair of shoes she owned, I mean he took literally half of everything. Even in the case that we do break up and then I’m stuck with an apartment with my ex and have completely fucked myself over, at least I was able to make my own mistake for the first time and learn from it? Idk what to tell my mom or how the conversation should go. I don’t wanna be shunned again but then again I’ve never once been able to just do something and justify it with “it’s my life”. Idk, advice/thoughts/bullshit/opinions please please help. Have a blessed day, thank you. I appreciate your time & input more than you know, I don’t have anybody to bounce ideas around with.
submitted by Own_Tower3454 to teenagers [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:18 alexholly78 Be careful what you wish for

I will try to keep this short. I have a kind of love/hate relationship with my ex. Our relationship ended decades ago, and for a while we didn't really talk, but after a few years were able to be friends. Until a few months ago, we saw each other every day, and would help each other out, as we kind of needed each other. We both moved abroad when we were young (separately, we met here) and have no family in our current country.
While I kind of "needed" him, and he me, I would drive me nuts. He couldn't open his mouth without annoying me. Our personalities are very different, hence why our relationship ended after 6 years. We would be driving along, and he would be going on about whatever, and I would just say hmmm at intervals, while in my head I would be screaming at him, "Just shut up! WTF can't you just shut up! Stop talking rubbish!" etc, but always along the lines of stop talking, and just shut up. I often actually said it, but it made no difference. While I was screaming at him in my head, I had an intense feeling of irritation, so strong, it was also a physical feeling, filling up my entire chest/stomach area.
Anyway, long story short, at the end of Feb he got a fever, and cold/flu symptoms. He was in bed, and I was going to his place to do his chores, make him food etc, which sounds nice of me, but I really resented having to go. The cold then developed into what he thought was gout, then his shoulders became very painful. After a week of him getting into bed with the cold/flu, I called an ambulance. He was taken to hospital and ended up in Intensive Care on life support for 20 days. His body had gone into sceptic shock. They do not know what caused it. He was in an induced coma and almost died several times. After about 5 weeks, he was moved out of Intensive, to a floor for critical/semi critical patients. He was awake more now, but could not talk because of a tracheostomy tube. They wanted to take it out about 10 days ago, but found he had a throat infection, which had given him nodules, and had to wait for them to go. So the last week, he was communicating by nodding, shaking his head, and writing on a pad.
Two days ago, he had the tube removed, and could finally talk again. Needless to say, not for the first time during these last few months, I was crying with happiness just to hear his voice. I won't go into how hard the last few months have been for me trying to cope with my own stuff, his, every other day hospital visits (45 miles away), and taking care of both of our animals etc.
A few days ago, it struck me that I had manifested this situation. I had wished very strongly that he would just shut up, and it happened. Of course, the way it happened is not what I wanted, I h¡just wanted him to talk less, or only when he had something of interest to say. I have learned a very hard lesson, but I had held the intention for him to shut up with strong emotions, almost every day, over a period of time.
I am now trying to work out steps to reverse engineer this into something I do want. I guess I did the screaming in my head for at least 10 minutes, almost every day, for several months. Of course, I could shout in my head for what I do want, but I don't know how to word it, or how to bring about the intense emotions and feelings I had when it was something I found extremely irritable/negative.
Any ideas?
The good news is, he is improving every day, and hopefully should be out in a week or two. I will not be doing that again. Just very grateful he got through it.
submitted by alexholly78 to Manifestation [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:18 raaqkel On Those Dividing Veerashaiva and Lingayata

This post was made yesterday on Hinduism, it is written by their Mod u/ReasonableBeliefs who is wrongfully using Veerashaivism to somehow defend his own sampradaya, i.e., ISKCON. I have argued with this person about this matter before and that has led me to get banned from that community, which is why I am posting it here.
https://www.reddit.com/hinduism/s/UOD6ArzmV6
OP here is disenfranchising Lingayatism from Veerashaivism. The larger population under the banner of Veershaiva follows the Vachanas of Basavanna and Allama, paying no heed to the Vedas or the Agamas.
Mutts of titanic proportions like the JSS, Siddhaganga and others wouldn't give two cents to Siddhanta Shikamani because they follow Basavanna and they thoroughly and fully identify as Veerashaiva. What OP is calling Veerashaivism is but a small off shoot of the real Veerashaiva Community, formed by Brahmins who after the 12th century joined Basavanna's fold.
As is the Brahminical predisposition, they tried to integrate the Vedic Lore to Basavanna's ideals. They built temples and followed some practices which seemed like something Basavanna was completely against. These Brahmins wrote the Siddhanta Shikamani in Sanskrit and the wider and significantly larger Kannada-speaking "VEERASHAIVA" community does not even recognise this text as genuine.
There is a huge political movement that is underway in Karnataka right now that is attempting to divide the Kannada-only Basavanna ideologues who they have termed Lingayatas from those of whom they consider as, "Brahminical Veerashaivas". This movement is backed by one party and opposed by another. It is wrong to make this division for two reasons:
1) All "Brahminical Veerashaiva" also wear the Linga and so are therefore also 'Lingayatas'. 2) All 'Kannada Lingayatas' are the original inheritors of the tag "VEERASHAIVA" and they don't really accept Siddhanta Shikamani unless they are really inclined to include Vedism in their daily practice.
This post is attempting to fuel the wrongful political movement that is trying to divide the largest community in Karnataka by blatantly disenfranchising the followers of Basavanna who are the rightful VEERASHAIVAS. OP is also wrong about using this sect as an example for his personal wishy-washyism because the VEERASHAIVAS do not recognise a god in the way the Vedas do. For them their Ishta Linga is the God. And the followers of Siddhanta Shikamani also do not consider Vishnu as a demigod, they consider him to be the protector of the Universe and as the greatest god in the pantheon after Shiva, as an equal to Brahma. This is exactly as described in the Shiva Purana, to which they refer.
I say this as a supposed follower of Siddhanta Shikamani (I am traditionally not expected to read it) and my family belongs to the sampradaya of the Ujjaini Saddharma Simhasana Peetam. My wife on the other hand belongs to a family of the "REAL KANNADA VEERASHAIVAS" who follow Basavanna. Judging from our 'inter-___-marriage' it can easily be understood that there is infact no division inside this sect expect for what has been politically generated by the likes of OP and the particular political party in Karnataka.
Conversations surrounding this is why I was banned and I don't have the belief that there will be any action on this malicious post or the OP who is a chronic offender on these matters. I only write this lengthy post so that it may serve to educate those that are ill-informed or are in the want-for it.
I have no opinions about ISKCON or their consideration of Shiva as a demigod. For me, it is only wrong to utilise a controversial Shaiva situation to fuel one's own position.
submitted by raaqkel to shaivism [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:17 Own_Tower3454 I (19F) want to get an apartment with my boyfriend (19M), how do I tell my mom (35F)?

Any and all perspectives help more than you know. I don’t have anybody to really talk about this with so any guidance is appreciated. It’s a lot to read, I might yap but with reason
I’m 19 years old and have just finished my spring semester of college. I went to a big college out of town, my main financial aid fucked me over so I had to switch at semester to my home state’s university. Anyway, this year was kinda tough for me lost a couple family members & my boyfriend had it rough, lost his best friend and dad within a few months of each other. Then we find out I’m pregnant. I wasn’t sure what I really wanted but didn’t get to make a choice, I miscarried sometime later. It was hard so I went back to hometown & finished semester online while staying with boyfriend until I needed to move my stuff out of dorm.
My boyfriend is 19 and we’ve been together a year & a half, but known each other since middle school. We dated in 8 grade until he had to move out of state, he moved back & we started hanging out again. My circle is small & I don’t really make/have any friends but he’s my best friend. Even if we wouldn’t have chose to date after he came back to town, ik we would’ve been good friends. My family liked him or seemed to at least, especially my mom.
It’s well known in my family that my mom and I just don’t get along. She kept me quite literally locked away as the Cinderella child until I left. I could only do things if she wasn’t in a bad mood/something didn’t need cleaned/ a child didn’t need to be picked up/dropped off. My friends in high school never invited me ANYWHERE lmao but after a while I figured out it’s easier to just deal w it rather than push back harder. I didn’t know how to use a crosswalk until I was 14 lmao I was so sheltered sorry ANYWAYS, I turned 18 and it was like I had a brand new mother until her fear of me leaving wore off.
Long story short, the summer before I left for college (last summer) my mom & I got into a fight, I didn’t have anywhere else to go so I moved in with boyfriend. My mom did the absolute most, almost got me fired from my job & ambulance ended up being called from how much of a tantrum she threw. It was so ridiculous that she refused to tell anybody what happened when people asked because she said it’s too embarrassing for her.
Just like that, she flipped. My boyfriend had a rough upbringing which she knows some stuff about. She took that and twisted the narrative to make him seem like some sort of charity case that took advantage of her generous & good graces. She calls him the hungry kid who hangs out w her daughter behind my back. He’s no longer allowed at her house lmao just out of spite. He never said a word to her or about her when she had the worst to say about him, he never was disrespectful or showed up to the house either so idrk why she said that. Even when I moved out & she drained my entire savings I had worked for since I was 15, he never said anything bad about her just that i was going to be okay & he’s gonna help me figure it out. Not only that but she shunned me for a long time, refused to talk & look at me after I moved out. My little brother was 5 and didn’t really understand but my mom didn’t try to explain or kid proof it, just let him scream, cry, & claw at my legs whenever I’d leave the house to go home. I felt incredibly guilty & like I had to compensate so I’d stress out & make sure to see her and my siblings every single day till I left for college.
If you’re still reading thank you sm.
Fast forward to today, I went to college finished my semester and am back in my hometown. Over breaks in college I’ve stayed at my moms cause she expected me to and her & I’s relationship has gotten so much better with distance. Between her and boyfriend, they were my biggest support especially with the miscarriage. But the only conversation they’ve had is when him and I went to talk to my mom in person when I found out I was pregnant. Not sure where she stands with him idrc but I’m sure she probably hates him more since we did technically make her worst fear as a mother come true.
Im living with her now mainly cause I don’t want to be isolated again & i physically cant deal with the debilitating anxiety and guilt every day, I wanted to try to focus on healing & resting before I start classes in the fall. Boyfriend’s family situation is getting v challenging for him, hes gonna get a place regardless. I really just want a space where I’m not feeling constantly overstimulated & I miss living with him a lot honestly. We make the best team & it’s so easy with him. I catch myself getting so excited looking at furniture even from the thrift or think ab cooking meals w him or decorating. I miss him making breakfast for me before I wake up and folding laundry together and grocery shopping. He’s paying 6 months rent in advance so that I won’t have to worry about getting enough hours & can enjoy summer and actually rest. Both of us independently have a pretty thick cushion to fall back on too just in case. So finances aren’t a problem I think?
My mom isn’t too keen on the idea. I think she doesn’t want me to make the same mistakes she made, which I understand because I was also there when she was left with half of every pair of shoes she owned, I mean he took literally half of everything. Even in the case that we do break up and then I’m stuck with an apartment with my ex and have completely fucked myself over, at least I was able to make my own mistake for the first time and learn from it? Idk what to tell my mom or how the conversation should go. I don’t wanna be shunned again but then again I’ve never once been able to just do something and justify it with “it’s my life”. Idk, advice/thoughts/bullshit/opinions please please help. Have a blessed day, thank you. I appreciate your time & input more than you know, I don’t have anybody to bounce ideas around with.
submitted by Own_Tower3454 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:15 Disastrous_Pattern_3 Don't go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest

Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, and some self harm near the end.
While browsing some random conspiracy site, I found what is a supposedly leaked file from the Nevada County Sheriff's Department; however, nothing has been confirmed. According to the OP, it is believed the following is the personal account of a 21 year old Jonathan Ashford of Grass Valley, California. Normally I would write stuff like this off but this one is...different. I’ve done my best to correct most of the grammar and misspelling while at the same time trying to avoid skewing the original account.
-September 15, 2022
I’ve never really been an outdoor person. Well, I guess that’s because I’ve never really been outdoors much in the first place. And that’s because I guess…I've never been invited? I don’t really have any friends. So, needless to say, I was surprised to find myself on a backpacking trip with a group of 5 other students from my university. The plan was five days in Tahoe National Forest some place called Mystery Lake. Monday-Friday. I don’t know why they decided to do it during the week. Most of us had okay grades at best and part time jobs on the side so taking a week off of it all seemed at the very least a bit irresponsible; and yet, I went anyway. Listen, I didn’t plan it, okay? This was one of my only chances to get to know people. The hike wasn’t too long but my genius self who had only been backpacking once when I was around 9 years old or so decided to carry 60 pounds of bullshit up the mountain resulting in my shoulders being sore and raw for the foreseeable future.
-10:11 PM
To be honest, I don’t really know why they let me come with them. I only know one of them and the group has been ignoring me for pretty much the entire trip. I was always bringing up the back on the hike in and I set up my tent outside of the main camp behind some trees. I haven’t eaten any meals with them or talked to them or, now that I think about it, anything really. Regardless. The trip has been an experience. Hopefully things get more exciting tomorrow.
-September 16
I’ve only ever slept in a tent a couple times so the new environment and lack of sleeping pills resulted in quite a restless night. I woke up at about eleven; everyone else was gone. I remembered they were talking about a day hike on a trail headed north so assuming that’s where they went, I hurried to get dressed and grabbed some granola bars. I’m about to head out. I hope I find them.
-12:21 PM
I’d been briskly walking for around an hour and was feeling quite exhausted so when I heard the group’s voices off in the distance I was very relieved. I started to jog in their direction when–when this jolt or–wave of energy flooded my mind. My head instantly started throbbing and my vision went blurry. The best way I could describe it is–TV static? Like the old TVs that would go all staticky when the signal got bad. I could barely make out shapes and a space in the middle of my vision was especially dark to the point where I couldn’t see past it. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. God no, if only I was that lucky. I can still hear the shrieking. That goddamn shrieking. In an instant all I could hear was this sharp, scratchy shrieking. It pierced through my ears and rooted itself in my head. I think I cried out in pain but even if I did I couldn’t have heard it. It was as if the damned souls of hell all cried out in eternal pain all at once and begged for death. I gripped and pulled at my hair, hardly noticing the pain that resulted from it as I fell to my knees in agony before…
I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurt and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. I lay in a pile of ivy next to a fallen log, my back dampened from the cool soil beneath me. I stood up, the hill on which I previously stood was nowhere in sight. As I leaned my shoulder against a tree to steady myself I heard voices. Cautiously, I walked through the foliage as the low vines dragged along my ankles. As I walked, I looked up. The falling sun cast a soft orange glow across the sky. It was probably around five O’clock or so. I climbed up on a large rock only to realize I was near the main camp. I pin-pointed the voices of my fellow campers as they huddled around a low-burning campfire. As I sat down to listen to them speak I could sense a strong feeling of uneasiness resonating from the group. Then it hit me.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her since earlier this afternoon?” One of them said, I think his name was Matthew? He was tall and lean, by far the tallest in the group.
“I’m sure! It just doesn’t make sense. One minute she was behind me going on about who knows what and then the next when I turn around she’s gone!” A girl with light brown hair said. I didn’t know her name. I could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes as the wind blew her hair into her face.
“We need to find her before it gets dark. Groups of two; stick together!” A shorter man with brown hair said. Ryan. He was the only one I knew. We weren’t friends. Definitely not. But he was nice enough to me in the classes we had together and I was grateful that I was able to go on the trip with him. As he walked past the boulder I sat beside, paying me no mind, I saw his lower lip quiver as his wide eyes looked straight ahead. He was more nervous than he led on. I zoned out for a few seconds, the static from earlier crawling its way into the corners of my vision when a chipmunk climbing a tree snapped me back to reality and I realized I had been left at camp. I looked around at the tall forest but the group was nowhere in sight. I assumed they wanted me to wait at camp in case the missing girl, Alice, came back, but as I moved toward the dying campfire the call of nature occupied my thoughts. I found a spade and a roll of toilet paper and strode briskly into the forest, the cool Autumn air rushing against my chapped lips as I walked. I reached over to scratch an itch on my arm when I saw it.
“The fuck?” I wondered out loud. There on my upper forearm was…a bite mark. I rattled my brain trying to think what could have made that kind of mark. As I examined it more I confirmed my suspicions. It seemed human. At least I think it was human. It’s not like there are any goddamn monkeys native to Middle of Nowhere, California. There was also a dark purple bruise on my lower forearm. Didn’t remember getting that either.
I looked around for a good spot. Stepping over a log, I set my foot down on something soft. It was Alice. Her right hand crushed and mangled and a dried trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth had pooled on a flattened leaf. I screamed, tripping and falling back in the direction I hoped was the camp. As I jumped over a rock I landed hard on my left ankle as a streak of pain shot up through my body. I was trying to get back up when I heard it. The screeching. It steadily yet quickly faded in until it flooded my hearing. My vision was clouded by that same static. I curled up into a ball, kicking at the air. My eyes watered and I felt the urge to vomit…
A wave of dizziness hit me as I opened my eyes and fell on my tailbone, pain shooting up my back. I lay down on my back and looked up at the trees, my nose bloody. It was still dark. Had I been standing? I tried to recall what I had been doing but all I remembered were faded images. One thing I didn’t forget was the screeching. All that I could remember was covered by that screeching and a faint veil of that static. Just thinking about it made my head throb.
A groan. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look in the sound’s direction. It was David. He looked injured, lying on the ground, but quickly crawled back in what looked like fear when he saw me.
“You bitch!” He muttered between gritted teeth. Before I could react he was up on his feet charging in my direction. I tried to doge him but the wind was quickly knocked out of me as he headbutted me in the stomach. I fell back onto the ground and between coughs I saw him running towards me. Before he could deliver a heavy stomp to my chest I caught his foot and kicked up into his groin. He stumbled back with a low yelp of pain and, taking my chance while he was stunned, I stood up as fast as I could and prepared to block another attack. He ran up to me and attempted to deliver a blow to my stomach with his right fist, leaving his upper body undefended; I used the opportunity to send a hard punch into the side of his neck. He fell back choking, tears in his eyes. As he tried to sit down he tripped on a root and hit his head on a nearby boulder with a sickening crack. He squirmed for a moment, then nothing.
Silence. There was a faint red stain on the side of the rock, and beneath his blood-stained hair, his head seemed unnervingly misshapen. The closer I looked, the more I saw. Bruised neck, flowing blood, even some pinkish bone exposed near the worst of the damage to his skull. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought. Why would he attack me? What was wrong with him? Had he mistaken me for someone else? I sat against the blood-stained boulder and leaned my head back. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. My ankle is throbbing. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept and I don’t know what to do. I should probably go try to find the camp but…I’m too tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep now.
-September 18
I slept through the entire day and most of the night! Or, at least I think I did. The more I think about it I’m not so sure. It’s like 2:30 AM, glad my phone still works even if my brain doesn’t, just wish I had signal. I’m not sure what to do but I might try to go find
-4:29 AM
Something’s definitely out here with us. Or–me. Not sure how many of the others are left out here. I’m sure that shrieking is tied to something. I heard something off in the distance while writing and decided to go check it out. It was Matthew and that other girl. They were walking briskly and their eyes seemed to be darting around frantically. They were talking in hushed tones but from what I heard they found Alice's body, and they were worried. I was about to reveal myself to them when the shrieking came back. It hit me like a train, and sometimes I think a train would have hurt less. It felt like it lasted for hours, I bit a hole through my lip and fell off of the boulder I was sitting on. I couldn’t see anything except a dark patch of static in the middle of my vision surrounded by more static. All the cuts and bruises in my body seemed to amplify and I could barely breathe. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop.
The two were dead when I came to. I wasn’t much better off myself. No matter how much I spit I can’t get the taste of blood out of my mouth. My arms are covered in cuts and bruises and my shoulder was dislocated. That was a fun half hour figuring out how to put it back in place. I think whatever is out here with us clouds your vision and makes it impossible to hear anything as a way to hunt you. I’m amazed it hasn’t killed me yet. I hope Ryan is still out there.
-6:06 AM
It’s been a long night. A really long night. I found Ryan but–but now I wish I hadn’t. It was around five AM I think, I had been aimlessly wandering through the forest looking for something, anything. By the most unlucky luck Ryan came stumbling around a tree. When he saw me his eyes went wide.
“Jon, what the hell?” Then he squinted his eyes and seemed to notice the wounds on my arm.
“Oh god,” he said. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, glaring at me during the process. Before I could reply, he charged me, knife in hand. I–I didn't want to kill him. I really didn’t. He tackled me to the ground, forcing the knife close to my chest. I desperately tried to push him away and being the stronger one, I knocked him off me. As he hurried to get back on top of me I sent my right leg flying into his arm, knocking the knife from his hand. Before he realized what was happening I grabbed the knife from the ground. In what seemed like a last desperate attempt he tried to force me down again but, already having the knife in my hand, I quickly slashed his chest and one of his wrists without thinking. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t mean to kill him! I was just defending myself. I don’t know why he attacked me, what’s gotten into him and David? Is that thing controlling them? They didn’t seem like they were under some kind of spell…I don’t think so at least.
After a soft cry of pain he collapsed and rolled down the steep hill we were standing on. I didn’t bother looking for his body. No point. Odds are that thing would use his body as a trap for me or something. I don’t know anymore.
Somehow I found my way back. I don’t remember how, all I remember is collapsing against a tree out of exhaustion but, here I am at the trailhead. I guess my half dead brain forgot most of it. I don’t know what I’ll do now, I don’t think I’ll tell the police. If they hear that some creepy ghost creature is hiding out in the forest killing my friends I’ll probably get locked up in who the fuck knows where for who the fuck knows what. But, no matter how many or how few believe me, I know something is out there. And I know it’s dangerous. I doubt the bodies will ever be found. That forest is huge and I buried Matthew and Elizabeth, found her name in a backpack she had on.
This will be my last entry. My name is Jonathan Ashford, and I survived something dangerous in the Tahoe national forest. Whatever you do, do not go there. Goodbye.
-September 22, 2022, 5:06 PM
Ryan survived. The police are after me. Apparently he told them I stalked them in the forest and picked them off when they weren’t together. I don’t know what’s happening. There are some gaps in my memory but I know that I didn’t kill those people. I only killed David, and that was self defense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. The police don’t know where I am but I’m sure that won’t last long.
-8:19 PM
I saw an interview with Ryan on the local news while browsing channels. He seemed–off. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He seemed nervous, shaky. I hope he’s ok. I still don’t understand why he thinks I killed them.
-September 23, 3:12 AM
ok ok. I have a theory. I’ve been up all night thinking and it makes so much sense now. That thing can shriek. Terrifying right? But explainable. The static I still can’t make sense of, there’s no feasible way it could naturally do that. What if whatever supernatural force causes the static can also control people? Maybe that’s why Ryan looks so crazy. It must be controlling him. But why would it want me? Am I immune to its effects? Maybe.
-6:04 AM
They didn’t notice it. It didn’t hit them. When I was spying on Matthew and Elizabeth, right before they were–anyways.
The shrieking hit my ears before the static hit my eyes and in those few seconds, they didn’t notice. It didn’t affect them. They didn’t hear the shrieking. Maybe the shrieking is that monster thing's abilities failing to control me. Maybe that's why ryan-whatever’s controlling Ryan wants me. It’s because I’m a threat to it. Because It can’t control me. When I woke up I was injured, but never killed like the others. Maybe it doesn’t have as much power over me as others.
But why would the authorities believe Ryan? There’s no way his story can add up. Even if that creature, that thing, is intelligent, it can’t be that smart to fake a story. Why are they after me?
-11:42 PM
The police came by today. I was about to update this log again when they started banging on my door. I was able to sneak out a window before they noticed me, glad I live on the ground floor.
Something seemed off about them. I can’t say what but, something, like the uncanny valley effect, where something looks human but isn't. Whatever. It’s probably just my imagination. I need sleep.
-September 24, 2:20 AM
Something is wrong–something is definitely wrong. How did they find me? Holy shit that was close! I was dozing by a couple of dumpsters behind a gas station. Figured it was safe enough since it was out of the way and partly blocked by a fence until I heard dogs barking. Not sure how many of them there are, at least two–maybe three, I can still hear them barking. I figured they were just strays that would hopefully leave me alone until I saw the lights. Damn things half-blinded me!
“Son, what are you doing back here? Can we walk to you?” one of the officers said, his face was clammy and pale, he seemed tired, he seemed–off. I didn’t respond or wait for them to try and get closer, I dashed past them before they could call their dogs on me and jumped the fence, running into the tree line. I managed to climb my way up a tree a ways into the woods before they could get around the fence and send their dogs out. They haven’t found me yet, but they’re still looking for me. I can see their flashlights periodically bathing the tree line in a pale glow. I think I’ll try to wait them out and then climb down and run for as long as I can. Not sure where I’ll go yet but they keep finding me so I’ll have to get creative. Not sure how they’re finding me so quickly and easily, but maybe I can come up with something. Is that–thing finding me? Does it always know where I am? Is it controlling the police? Maybe that's why they looked so…wrong. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I don’t know anything anymore. I keep noticing the static in the corner of my vision occasionally, not sure why.
-September 24, 5:03 PM
I fucked up. Big time. Last night, somehow, I fell asleep. I don’t know how, guess I was just too exhausted. The sound of a helicopter pierced through the top of the tree line. Before I could register everything, I slipped and fell down the tree. I was able to slow my fall a bit by dragging my hands along the tree–hurt like a bitch–but I still landed hard. Can barely sit down. I think I was able to avoid being detected by the helicopter. I’m going to start walking. Not sure where but, I need to go somewhere. The static is constantly in the corner of my vision whenever I focus on it now. Why is this happening?
-10:44 PM
This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know what's happening anymore! I was wandering through the forest when the static came back. God, it was awful, forgot how bad it was. Hell, maybe it was worse this time. Who knows. This isn’t the weirdest, or worst, part. I woke up in my apartment, I’m exhausted, but don’t have any new visible injuries despite how shitty I feel. Not sure why that thing didn’t try to hurt me, maybe it gave up on trying.
The news was on when I woke up, God I’m so fucked. They found the bodies–the ones that I buried. Of course they found my DNA all over them, used their forensics or whatever to try to explain how I killed everyone. I’ll have to admit if it wasn’t all a setup by some evil entity out to get me it would be pretty convincing. Sometimes–I find myself believing it. I don’t know what to think at this point, nothing makes sense anymore. The static is far more noticeable now. My head is starting to hurt, too.
They haven’t come back to my apartment yet, probably don’t think I would return this soon after they searched the place. I know they’ll be here eventually but I’m too tired to care right now. My brother and his kids used to live a few hours out of town, I think he built a treehouse for his kids somewhere behind the house. Maybe I’ll go try and hide out there for as long as I can. As if that will be very long at all.
-September 26, 6:24 PM
Everywhere I look, everything I watch. They’re always out for me. Everyone is looking for me. The things the police and the media keep saying about me–the evidence that gets released every day, the testimonies, officials saying I have symptoms of psychological problems like psychosis and DID, of Bipolar. More and more–I’m starting to believe it myself. Surely it's that thing. Surely it’s getting in my head…right?
-September 27, 1:03 PM
Made it to the treehouse, glad it’s still here. Had a few close calls along the way when trying to steal food from gas stations but I made it ok. Glad I did, the static is starting to really cloud my vision and my head hurts so bad my ears are starting to ring. I’m not out of the woods yet, that’s for sure. I can sense them...it. They’re trailing me. I think they’re getting close.
I’m so tired, so confused. I don’t know what to do, what to think anymore. What’s next? Maybe I’ll try to get some rest…if I can, that is.
I could try to come up with something, some silver bullet or whatever. I have this one idea, it’s not smart or clever, not even close, but it’s an idea, and it won’t let it–them–it, whatever, win. At least I don’t think it will; besides, surely it has a bigger plan for me, right? There’s no way it would go through all this effort just to kill me…
-4:39
They found me. I can hear them outside. They’re getting closer.
To be honest, I don’t know anymore. Maybe I did kill all those people, maybe I am insane. I don’t know what to believe. There’s so much being said, so many people saying it. I’m just so confused, so tired, so scared.
There's a bomb on the chair beside me, homemade. Glad I grabbed enough supplies to build it. Took me a while to figure it out as well as a few close calls but I think I got it working. They’ll have quite the surprise waiting for them once they find me…
They’re at the base of the tree now. The static has almost completely consumed my vision and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I’m not sure why I was made the target of this, why this is happening to me at all, but regardless of the reason, I won’t let them win.
To the creature, or entity, to whatever is doing this to me: I’ll see you in Hell.
Goodbye
Aside from some generic legal stuff to conclude the report, that’s where the document ends. I’m not sure what to make of it. Definitely a lot to take in. I contacted the OP on the site I got this from but haven’t received a response yet, will update if I receive one. For now my only advice is be careful, and don’t go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest. If anyone has any thoughts or info, please, let me know.
submitted by Disastrous_Pattern_3 to creepypasta [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:13 No-Gur-2410 New Here, Advice Please

Hi! New here. Using a different account as recommended.
I (22F) recently met my MM (35M) at my job. When first approached by him, He was really sweet/nice & respectful. After 3 days or so of seeing me around and talking to me, he asked for my number and offered to take me out.
I was very hesitant as to me it seemed unreal. He is from a different cultural background and he would send certain texts and say certain things about me (my looks) that I have never heard a man in the U.S. say to me before lol. After getting to know him a little more, I now know that is just how he talks and it isn’t fake. He tells me im beautiful all the time and how I take his breath away, how he wants to gaze into my beautiful eyes, etc lol. These things are sweet to me but also out of the norm for me so I don’t know how to exactly receive them other than blush and say thank you.
Fast forward, we were planning a date to the movies and a week or so before, his SO caught him in my car. We weren’t doing anything, just talking & he was kind of playing in my hair and touching my back, nothing crazy. We never got to go out as you would expect. We had met up in that parking lot two times. The first night, he drove to my city and all was fine & the second night, the same & that’s when everything happened. Come to find out, she was tracking him the first time but just couldn’t find out where he was.
I didn’t really know how to take that whole interaction and he apologized for it trying to get back into my good graces and told me that he didn’t know she was tracking him to where we were. He said he didn’t know she turned his location on his phone and it never occurred for him to check as he doesn’t recall when they shared locations before coming to the U.S. or even when they first got here. I do want to say that, he told me that this is the first time he’s ever gone out of his way to actually meet up with someone outside of his marriage and that he had never done this before & I do believe it as he is really sloppy and come to find out, he didn’t even delete our text messages in the beginning when we first started talking. For reference, it’s only been about a month and some change since we’ve been talking and engaging with each other.
We kept talking of course, he has sent me money, we’ve talked on the phone for hours some days/nights when she’s not around, he even told me that he’s in love with me. I told him, I’ve never been in love so im not sure if that’s what I feel for him or what exactly it feels like but I know I do have love and care for him (deeply). We connect on a different level than other people I have talked to, he’s emotionally mature and likes to talk things out, he makes me feel comfortable sexually and just in general and I can be my full self with him as with other people I sometimes feel as if I have to hold back lol. Things have moved kinda fast with us but it also doesn’t feel unnatural and it feels good and I like spending time with him and just talking to him about anything.
More time goes by and I end up just getting a hotel by myself (just for fun lol, I love hotels). I did invite him and we didn’t have sex but he definitely made me feel good and wanted. We go to the mall, walk around a little, and I see him that same night on his lunch break at work and we separate. Fast forward some more lol, his SO ends up finding out he sent me money and that’s a whole thing. We meet up a week or so after that at the mall & the park. Those two days, I went to his house after (im really not sure if this was bad or not as I have seen some people say on the adultery subreddit this is probably a bad idea). I go there and again, we didn’t have sex but he makes sure im good of course.
I have never engaged in a physical affair with anyone and I truly don’t believe he has before (bc of his sloppiness) There has been one women he told me about who was married like him & had kids, but from what he tells me, it didn’t go far (not as far as it has went with me). He also doesn’t have kids with his partner.
About 3 days or so after that, his SO finds out through a recording device put somewhere in the house. I can be heard on it of course. I’m not sure if you would call these D-Days or not but he’s been found out a lot within just this one month of talking and even still continues to go out of his way to contact me if not through his phone, through a friend at work or his other phone. We have not met up outside of work after those days at his house and have only talked on the phone or seen each other at work and talked there. We’ve also done a little more at work besides that as well. (Always out of view of course).
Their relationship right now from what he tells me and how we are communicating right now seems like prisoner and warden. There are recording devices all around their home. (He recently found one and moved it only for her to put it back). He goes outside to talk to me otp because of the devices in the home, every time he leaves work she demands to go through his phone, his location is always on, etc. she even came to work one time thinking he was up to something or maybe that I would be there and she would catch him. I wasn’t. (She doesn’t know exactly what I look like & doesn’t know my name). He’s never talks negatively of her and honestly I would feel weird if he did. I do ask questions and he answers them but generally he just tells me that what she is doing is in the norm (culturally, I think?) & even though he doesn’t like it, he has to abide by whatever agreement they have right now.
She’s tried to bait me a couple times. She went through his phone and called me, expecting me to answer but I didn’t and I ended up calling back but no answer and then she called back, I answered and then she hung up. I did think this was him at the time but she hung up right when I said “hello?”. There was then a follow up text (as her, but I thought it was him) saying that “my wife just wanted to make sure I ended things and called to confirm.” She texted me from the app we use and said “hey” wanting to catch him in something (our thread was deleted but she found my number on the app). It was also the weekend and that didn’t make sense to me. (I was also sleep lol). We usually don’t talk on the weekends for obvious reasons and also the weekends are times for myself as me and him do talk throughout the week and at work.
After all of this, we talked recently & I am not exactly sure im looking for a solution but maybe just opinions, advice, anything you can offer lol. I really do like him but I am fine with cutting contact as it hasn’t been that long and even though I really connect with him, he sometimes talks as if he deserves the lack of privacy she’s given him within his own home and even work life.
I never asked him to leave his partner or choose because I know I don’t want that (I’m poly) but I do want to spend more alone time with him and see more of him (he might be moving states, not sure). But, his situation just seems like it might not be setup for us to do that like we did a couple times before. I also tell him that I feel as if there is more he could do as far as trying to see me, finding out ways to hang out but like I said I’m not sure if what we have is even a possibility anymore. I don’t feel as if I should be telling someone how to act in an affair (if that makes sense lmao). I guess I’m just not sure if I should move forward with continuing talking to him or not?? I know he definitely wants to continue talking.
I will say that even though his location has been being tracked & also those times we hung out before, he’s found a way to see me multiple times.
I have seen a lot of people talk about OPSEC but it kinda feels as if he wants to get caught or either doesn’t care which is why he is so sloppy. He has said himself (while exploring his own thoughts) that maybe he has acted this way because he wanted to get caught. He’s told me since he’s met me that he doesn’t feel the same for her as he did. (They’ve been married 8 years now I think?)
submitted by No-Gur-2410 to theotherwoman [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:12 Dependent-Seesaw-516 Repressed by my parents so severely I was completely emotionally numb for 25 years, and now that I am starting to overcome the repression, the flow of emotions is so intense that it feels unbearable sometimes and I feel like I don't know who I am.

I was raised by a father who was bipolar type 2, had borderline personality disorder, severe depression with constant suicidal ideation, the most severe anger issues I have ever seen in a human being in my life (imagine if logan roy from succession got hooked on amphetamines, about like that), and he committed suicide when I was 19. I was not allowed to feel in my home, if I was upset about anything at all, then that meant that I was "whining" and needed to shut up and be more grateful, even when I was "whining" that he took so many pills that he forgot me having to stop his suicide attempt, and I got angry when I mention that event and he went "what are you talking about?", I thought he was gaslighting me at first, but I later realized the combo of drugs he was on and his own severe mental instability had actually blocked that memory out from his stupid fucking head, but I was wrong for getting upset because "it's not my fault I don't remember". Not even the point, the point is I was raised that expressing emotions of any kind was a direct affront to my father that would not be taken lightly by him, and I VERY MUCH internalized that. It took me 18 months after his death to be able to shed a single tear about the situation, and even then it was tears of anger, and I had to force myself to cry, it was like my head was a hot air balloon of a whole lifetime of emotions and pain I had locked away and wanted to let it out but I couldn't, then when I did let it out, it hurt so much, that I wanted to numb it all away again, and that's when the drinking got really bad. I am 9 months sober after almost dying from anemia caused by a severe long term gastric bleed caused by my drinking (they consider the life threatening range for your hemoglobin level anything below about 7-8, yea, mine was 3.4 when i got to the hospital, it took 7 bags of blood just to bring me up to barely stable), and it left me with some liver scaring, I was so desperate to not feel all the pain that I drowned it, and now I'm finally having to come up for air, and oh boy. I feel like I have no idea who I am. Where does the me that my parents molded me into end and the me that is my true self begin. Will I ever be able to enjoy my interests without the deep seeded shame I have for stuff like watching anime that I have from my dad quite literally calling me a pussy for liking anime. I got a hunter x hunter charm necklace thing and I've been wearing it and I like it, but I still am so incredibly self conscious about it because of the time I tried to wear a necklace in like 5th grade and my dad said it made me look "faggy", which is absolutely fucking insane because my dad was genuinely not homophobic, my aunt was gay and she was frankly the only one of his siblings he actually liked, he didn't have a bigoted bone in his body, but what he meant is "girls won't go for you if you wear that", but fuck you, I was in 5th grade and (very much due to the emotional repression) I wouldn't get truly interested in dating until, let me check, NOW. I had a long term girlfriend through high school and college who was my first love, but we only started dating because she asked me out, I have never made the first move on a girl a single time in my life, I've quite literally never flirted. My whole life, I have been so scared of relationships because the only one I saw was my parents godless nightmare of a marriage where they were "staying together for me" even when I was in high school ACTIVELY ASKING THEM TO GET DIVORCED, because they were such fucking nightmares. I have always thought that whatever good feelings of love and fulfillment I would get from a relationship would never outweigh the pain that would come along with the fights, and only now that I'm finally starting to break through the layers of repressed emotions and that I've dried out off of the booze am I finally starting to feel different. The thing that is so hard is, I've just pushed all my feelings and all my pain down so deep for my entire life, that now the emotions are all coming at once, and good God I just can't handle it sometimes. I also got diagnosed as bipolar type 2 today, just like dear old dad, still sending gifts up from hell, just in time for my birthday too. The pain, the feeling that I have missed out on so much of my life by being to afraid of getting hurt to allow myself to have anything good. I feel like I've missed out on so much of life because of that bastard, and now I'm 25, I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror, and I am trying to basically rebuild myself from the ground up after I almost died and got sober, and I am basically by myself dealing with it (very long story, but basically because of his death, our family business went under and my mom and I had to move to her hometown, in with my aunt and uncle, and I have no friends here and I am not close with my family and they are a bunch of judgmental Bible thumpers who basically think I'm a degenerate for drinking and a snowflake for my mental health issues), and I just feel so deeply intensely alone. I was so numbed for my entire life, that I didn't even actually know you could feel emotions this intense, the way that the sorrow just feels like a bottomless hole in your chest, and all I want is to feel like someone cares about me and that I matter. My mom is here with me, and she is doing her best, but if you can't tell from the post, she isn't exactly blameless in the cause of the issue, so that is kind of a double edged sword. I try and keep in touch with my friends from my hometown, but they're busy with their lives and they don't always have the time, plus I always feel like I'm putting them out when I need their help (there's that trauma again). I even want to start dating again, but I'm stuck in a small town in the middle of nowhere in south Alabama, where the dating pool isn't exactly huge, and gets widdled down a LOT more when you take into account that I'm an agnostic democrat. God, every day I ask myself, why isn't he still here, so I can let out all of this pent up emotion and pain onto the person who actually deserves it, but even then I know it wouldn't make me feel better. So as I'm finally starting to be able to even have emotions again, I'm reminded why I wanted to numb them all away. I just feel alone, and like I don't even know who I am, and that who I am might not be the person I wanted to be, and there's a healthy dose of self hatred mixed in, and all I want is for someone to hold me and tell me it will be OK, because I know it will, but God damn it why does it just have to be so damn hard sometimes. Why did he have to die without me ever getting to tell him how he hurt me. How could he rob me of that. He got to die with the last thing I said to him being that I loved him, and I have to take to my grave that the last thing that I ever said to my father was a lie.
Edit: TLDR: Abusive dad caused me to be so emotionally repressed that when he died I became an alcoholic to numb the pain and now that I'm sober and chipping away at the emotional repression, I feel an entire lifetimes worth of emotions hitting me all at once and it is incredibly overwhelming and has left me feeling like I don't know who I am and that I am all alone just picking up the scraps of my life, while not even knowing what the life I'm picking up even looks like. I just wish he was still alive so I could tell him all the things I didn't get a chance too while he was alive. All the awful, hurtful, painful, gut wrenching things I would say to him.
submitted by Dependent-Seesaw-516 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:08 Legitimate_South_949 AITA for not letting someone join our D&D group?

I (19F) am a dungeon master for my group. The three of us play together every Saturday and Sunday at our college. My friend Brad (not his real name, also 19M) wanted his friend David to join our groups, because he is a D&D enthusiast. I said sure and invited him to one of our sessions. David came in and to be honest, he looked really fat. He might be 300lbs or more.
Obesity affects the brain and makes you less smart than you originally were before you gained weight. Because of this, obese people automatically less intelligent than non-obese people. D&D requires creativity and strategizing, so I don’t want an obese person in our group.
We played with David and, shockingly, he had no idea what was going on, took 20 minutes to make his new character, and overall acted like a buffoon. We completed the day and everyone seemed to have fun, but I did not. I told David thanks for coming and he left.
I talked to Brad and told him I didn’t want David around anymore. He asked why. I told him I just didn’t. He kept pressing and I finally told him that due to his weight, he just isn’t smart enough to play D&D. Brad called me a complete assholr and we argued for several minute. No one took my side.
I’m just trying to be fair. AITA?
submitted by Legitimate_South_949 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:07 iykykennit he M20 has a girlfriend but i think he’s flirting with me F20, how do i handle this without distance?

TLDR: my guy friend and I got much closer than before after a weekend away. I have feelings for him but he has a girlfriend, my friends say he’s flirting but I don’t wanna distance myself.
So I originally met Brian M20 in October but very briefly, I was talking more with his best friend Steve M20
Steve and I did end up kissing in the March but we decided to stay friends
When this happened Brian was there to give me advice and help me deal.
Around the same time I also got scared of our friend raising his voice at me and Brian made sure I was okay. When I had to talk to this guy and went away, Brian followed without us asking, insisting he stay next to me and that he was there for me to make sure I wasn’t alone/protected.
Brian has a girlfriend, I found this out in March.
Brian and I have been friends since and he’s always offered an ear but always just been around, never really getting close. He even encouraged me to join their friendship group and be around more since he said everyone likes me
He offered at one point to talk to Steve to see if he could sort out the ongoing awkwardness and before a weekend away with all our friends I told him not to bother.
On this weekend away, Steve wasn’t around and so it was just Brian and I hanging out. Slowly throughout the weekend we were eventually growing more attached to the hip, always together.
We went to the smokers together, he asked if we could take a breather away from everyone, I was worried about my top looking bad and he told me it looked nice, just as everyone reassured me. Then I would catch him looking at me and me looking at him. I accidentally even caught him doing this on a video and then hiding from it
The next day I was driving back with him and before the drive we were hanging with friends and he was standing so close to me while I was sitting his leg was practically on my thigh. He also kept making faces at me across the room to the point a stranger asked if we were dating.
On the drive home I always caught him staring at me and looking away when he got caught. At one point we made a game out of it and looked back and forth continuously until we met eyes and smiled and looked away.
We would hang out with friends and then end up alone. This time our friendship felt like it shifted, we had gotten closer. I was talking excitedly about something and he was smiling and staring into my eyes, he called me love so softly I barely heard it, and even though he said he was gonna go home he stayed with me when all our friends went home. We stayed together until sunrise poking fun and bantering with each other. He would make fun of my accent (trying to do an impression) and the words I used and how short I was or bad at a game etc
At one point he made a risqué joke and we both got real awkward and brushed it aside.
By this point I’ve developed feelings for him
He says I distract him if I come near him and if he sees my face or pictures it he can’t focus
He nearly hurt me and hugged me
He nearly upset me and tried to hug me and pat me on the head and asked the whole night if we were okay
Then once I offered him a smoke and instead of taking it from me like he normally does, he bent down and puffed it from my hand in front of everyone
I once went to look at my phone and he didn’t want me to because we were playing a game and he kept blocking it even when I was against him, drunk and not realising and kept moving in front of me laughing
He maintains eye contact for so long and at one point I said something and his eyes were flickering from one side of my face to the other for a few seconds before he finally asked me to repeat myself, all in front of Steve which made me feel odd
I tried to distance and then we got teamed up for a group game night and when we were winning he was fist bumping me until he spontaneously hugged me when we won, always walking away to talk me up to other people and then coming back to talk about it again
I am so confused because we’re friends but I get the impression something is there that’s more than my feelings.
I don’t wanna distance myself because he’s always been good to me but something in me knows if I was his girlfriend I wouldn’t like this
How do I go forward without distance because I would never be a homewrecker but I have these feelings? Is this all in my head?
submitted by iykykennit to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:06 Equal-Technician-916 AITAH

So I wanted to break up with my boyfriend because of another girl, let’s just call Megan. One time I told Megan something private on the bus about me vaping, and you would never expect that for me. One time Megan told everyone and I got really mad at her and infuriated I told him, apparently Megan is his new best friend and I was quite uncomfortable with that because she’s a bit of a slut. She has known for taking girlfriend’s boyfriends,( also by the way do you think it was weird that she was touching him and tapping him, even though she has a bf) So I completely blocked contact with her as I had a feeling she would probably try to go a bit further. I was very uncomfortable with the situation so I asked him to meet up and talk to me at school and break. It was kind of awkward since he kept being like.” To Conclusion what do you mean and I cannot be friends” I never said that they couldn’t but secretly I was like yeah, it was quite uncomfortable too because one of his friends were just staring at us. The next day I heard from others that she was massaging him in chemistry. I was quite mad so I sent him a voice message which was just explaining my feelings, he sent me a really nice long text and I was so happy with him and I was like when I love this makes me feel uncomfortable. The day after we made matching bitmojis. I had personally stopped liking him a bit because I didn’t like his new haircut and I thought it was ugly but the next day one of my guy friends said that in the change room he was asking how we should break up with me so then my guyfriend told me we rushed down so I could break up with him first. I ended up having to pretend that I completely stop liking him and that all me. I had a bit of feelings still. After I realised that all my overthinking was not overthinking and he stopped really texting me and asking how I was when we were still together no wonder…
Also it’s not even like a bad looking girl who no one wants us most of the grade have liked me at one point, he is not the same lemme say
submitted by Equal-Technician-916 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:02 Historical-Badger64 AIO: not me, but my now ex. Was he overreacting for how he managed this situation? Am I in the wrong?

Here’s the situation: I was headed over to my boyfriend of 5 months house to meet his cousins that came to visit from another country. He recently decided to go kayaking and I’m unsure if he knew it was going to storm bad in the coming hours. Everything seemed fine in our text exchanges, and while I was working, he FaceTimed me scared and in his car during the storm. He told me was able to get his kayak to his car, but he was scared to drive, and so he waited for the visibility to improve. So I sat my stuff down and got up to go to another room to talk to him, but my mom overheard what we were talking about and was asking if it was raining and where he was. I was doing my best to listen to both conversations, but it was really hard while also working. There was a lot going on. He then got annoyed, rolled his eyes, and then told me he’d talk to me later, then hung up. I took that as he didn’t want to speak to me because I made him frustrated. I did make it a point to say it’ll be alright, and asked if he got the kayak on his car, but he didn’t. I was worried for him and wanted to call him back but I was afraid of him yelling at me. He thought that was a messed up thing to do and laughed at my text asking if he was alright an hour and a half later. I told him on FaceTime later that I didn’t like his reaction, and he told me that’s how he felt—he felt like I didn’t care, even though I did, and there wasn’t anything else I could really do. Now, he thinks I don’t care about him and thinks I’d be useless in bad situations, and broke up with me. Am I in the wrong, and is he overreacting?
submitted by Historical-Badger64 to AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 09:02 Human-Sky-2727 AITAH for not caring about my mother being abused

For some background my mother and I have never gotten along from her giving me up as a baby to now we’ve never seen eye to eye on most things. She has 3 kids my sister (18) me 17m) and my brother (11), All of us have different dads and she has made some terrible choices, my sisters dad was 24 when my mom was 16, my dad has some charges with children, and my brothers dad who is a drug dealer who has done many terrible things to be exact, he stalked there house, broke into a different house and threatened my brother with a gun. She has been different relationships however after getting married to her current husband (34m) she started drinking liquor heavily and becoming very angry and irrational the first conflict arose when he tried to drive away, she kicked out his windows, he then pushed her to the ground leaving her with large bruises and minor scrapes. The second incident occurred when my brother (11) was found eavesdropping on an argument they were having while she was drunk he got mad and punched her before driving 6 hours away and not speaking to her for days, when contact was made they decided my grandma (who raised me) was the issue I decided to move in with them because of my brother within the first 6 months of living with them they got into 3 fights and abusive confrontations. My mom’s friend who had come to live with us had originally planned on buying her own house but decided to support my mom until these problems began. My mom drove drunk multiple times, attempted to kill herself got ordered to go to therapy, didn’t go and quit her job safe to say I was ready to move and so was my brother, however my grandma having raised me allowed me to move back alone because she only has enough room for 1 other person my mom found out and flipped shit saying I was no longer her son and to not contact her again, to which I obliged and blocked her number around 2 weeks later she called my number and said if you want a phone then you have to unblock me or im not paying(my money was sent to cover the bill for my part of the phone she did not pay for it). I said if thats how she felt to cancel my my phone plan and make it cheaper on me to get a new plan so she did and that was the last I had heard until around 3 hours ago her and her husband got into another argument, which resulted in him breaking her nose and leaving giant marks before running out of the house she refused to call the police so my 11 year old brother had to report it secretly. Upon talking to her I relayed my thoughts and told her I don’t feel bad im no longer her son and therefore have no attachment whatsoever but was worried about my brother. AITAH for not caring about my mothers abuse?
submitted by Human-Sky-2727 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 08:57 Yurii_S_Kh St. Theodosius of the Kiev Caves

St. Theodosius of the Kiev Caves
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Theodosius, whose name means "gift of God," grew up in the small cities of Vasilkov and Kursk where his father was a judge. Although his parents were Christian and gave him an education directed primarily at the study of Scripture, they were astonished to see his heart so completely overtaken by love for God.
His father died when Theodosius was 13, and this caused the boy to retreat still further from the world common to one of his age and social rank. He gave away his good clothes, preferring to dress like the poor, and found pleasure in helping the peasants with their work. He often went to church, and when he learned that Divine Liturgy was sometimes not celebrated due to a lack of prosphora, he undertook to bake them himself. His mother loved him dearly, but she did not share her son's life-encompassing Christian outlook; she was very conscious of her social standing and felt that by engaging in such lowly occupations Theodosius brought shame upon the family. She tried cajoling, then threatening and even physically beating him to make him change his ways, but Theodosius stood firmly on the path of the Gospel commandments.
His zeal for the things of God inspired Theodosius to slip away with a band of pilgrims bound for the Holy Land. Three days later his mother tracked him down, berated the pilgrims for having taken the boy along, and dragged Theodosius home where she kept him in chains until the youth promised not to leave her again.
The humility of the youth and the sufferings he endured at the hands of his mother came to the attention of the governor who requested that the youth attend him in church. This served to calm the domestic drama, but Theodosius' heart yearned for a more concentrated spiritual atmosphere, for monastic life. Standing in church one day, he was struck by the words of the Gospel: "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me." With fixed resolve, he took advantage of his mother's departure into the country for a few days to set out for Kiev, taking with him nothing but some bread for the road. The monks in the established monasteries, however, turned him away because he had no money. Then he heard about the righteous Anthony. Coming to his cave, Theodosius fell to his knees and begged the holy ascetic to accept him.
"My son," said Anthony, "you see my cave; it is cramped and dismal, and I fear you will not endure the difficulties of life here." "Know, O blessed father," replied Theodosius. "that God Himself has led me to your holiness that I might find salvation. I shall do all that you enjoin." Foreseeing his future greatness, the blessed Anthony accepted the determined aspirant and bade the priest monk Nikon tonsure him. Theodosius was 23 years old.
It was a few years before his distraught mother finally discovered her son’s whereabouts. With great reluctance Theodosius went out to her. At first she vowed that she would die if he did not come home with her. But gradually God softened her heart and she came to see the wisdom of her son's patient admonitions. Following his advice she entered the St. Nicholas convent there in Kiev where she ended her days in peace.
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When Theodosius became abbot, he saw need for a common rule to unite the growing community--which by that time was living above the ground; only a few hermits were left in the caves--and he sent one of his monks to Constantinople to copy out the rule of the Studite Monastery. The rule governed the daily life of the monk: it set the hours of prayer and work; monks were forbidden to have any personal possessions, everything was held in common; all monks were together for common meals: time, apart from prayer, was to be spent in working; all activity was begun with a blessing from an elder and with prayer. The monks were to reveal their thoughts to the abbot, a practice which roused them to constant spiritual vigilance and helped to check manifestations of the passions before they took root in the heart.
Above all things, have fervent charity among yourselves (I Peter 4:8).
It was St, Theodosius' choice of the Studite Rule, with its emphasis on the duty of charity and the common good, which served to revive the ancient ideal of strict cenobitism and gave Russian monasticism its characteristic warmth. "What is principally necessary," taught Theodosius, "is that the youngest should love their neighbor and listen to their elders with humility and obedience. The elders should lavish on the young love and instruction; they should teach them and comfort them." This attitude created an atmosphere eminently suitable for missionary work, and it was thanks to the monasteries that Christianity was so successfully propagated in Russia.
Of a strong constitution, Theodosius was a model of industriousness. Even as abbot, he felled trees, carried water, and ground wheat, often helping the other brethren with their obediences. Once, the cook came to ask if he would assign a monk to cut firewood, as the kitchen supply was depleted. "I am idle," replied the Saint, and he set to chopping wood himself. He worked through the dinner hour and the brethren, when they came out and saw their abbot hard at work, were inspired to do likewise.
Knowing the great benefit of good books upon the soul, Theodosius instituted the reading of spiritually profitable texts during meals, and sought to augment the number of such books in the monastery. Books were still a rarity at that time, and one of the valued occupations of the monastery was the copying and binding of manuscripts. Theodosius himself helped in this work.
At first, life in the Caves Monastery was very austere indeed. The monks lived principally on rye bread and water with the addition of a few vegetables which they cultivated themselves; they wove their own cloth and sewed their own garments. When the brethren murmured about some deficiency, Theodosius exhorted them to place their trust in the Lord Who knew their needs. And his faith was often miraculously rewarded.
The reputation of the monks as 'angels on earth' began attracting pilgrims; princes and peasants ca me for spiritual counsel and left donations. Grand Prince Izyaslav, who became very attached to St. Theodosius and frequently came to visit him, was a great benefactor of the monastery, as also was the Viking Prince Shimon who was baptized into the Orthodox Church together with his entire household, numbering some 3,000 members.
With increased mean s, Theodosius was able to build a guest house for pilgrims where the poor and sick also found refuge. No beggar was ever turned away from the monastery without being given a meal. Weekly a cart was sent from the monastery laden with bread to be distributed among those in prison.
The Saint's compassion was boundless. Once there were brought to him some robbers who had been apprehended in the act of stealing monastery property. With tears the Saint entreated them to mend their ways. Then, having fed them, he let them go. The robbers were so moved by the Saint's mercy that they repented and became honest, God-fearing men.
Like St. Anthony, Theodosius also endured the effects of the princes' quarrels. At the same time he maintained his independence and did not fear risking the displeasure of his royal benefactors if he felt called as a spiritual father to admonish them. When, for example, Svyatoslav unjustly took the throne from Izyaslav, the Saint wrote a strong letter to Svyatoslav, reproving his action and urging him to restore power to his older brother. This angered Svyatoslav, and Theodosius was warned of possible consequences, but he calmly replied: "Nothing could be better for me in this life than to suffer for the sake of the truth." Mindful of the Saint' s popularity, Svyatoslav took no action against him and even went to visit him. He was surprised when Theodosius received him with the respect due to one of authority. "I was afraid you'd be angry with me," said the Prince. "Our duty," replied the Saint, "is to say what is beneficial for the soul's salvation; and you would do well to listen." Although Svyatoslav could not be persuaded to give up the throne and Theodosius continued to commemorate the pious Izyaslav as the lawful ruler, their relationship was peaceful and it was Svyatoslav who gave land for the building of the new stone church.
Work had just begun on this church when St. Anthony reposed. Neither did St. Theodosius live to see its completion. It was his custom to retire to a cave for the course of Great Lent, and it was during this time, in 1074, that the Lord revealed to him his imminent departure from this world. On Bright Week, having joyfully celebrated the radiant feast of Pascha in the monastery, he fell ill. Summoning the brethren, he informed them that his time had come, and foretold the very day and hour of his repose. By common consent of the brotherhood, he blessed his disciple Stefan to take his place as abbot, exhorting him not to change the tradition s of the monastery, "but follow in all things the law and our monastic rifle."
May 3,1074. The divinely appointed hour arrived and the bright soul of the Saint took leave of its earthly tabernacle. As he had willed, his body was laid to rest in the cave which alone with the angels had witnessed his ascetic labors.
Eighteen years after the Saint's blessed repose, the monastery brethren decided to transfer his relics to the new cathedral church. The abbot, together with monk Nestor the chronicler, went to the cave to dig up the relics and discovered them to be incorrupt. Accompanied by a large crowd of people, the relics were solemnly transferred to the Dormition Cathedral on August 14, 1092. And in 1106 Saint Theodosius was added to the list of canonized saints.
True to their promise, the holy founders of the Caves Monastery continued to watch over its existence even after their repose. There is, for example, the story written by Bishop Simon (+1226), a former monk of that monastery and principal author of the Kiev Caves Patericorn of how the stone church was completed.
Sts. Anthony and Theodosius had been gone from this world some ten years when a group of Greek iconographers came to the Caves Lavra demanding to see the two monks who had hired them to adorn the new church with frescoes. They were rather angry inasmuch as the church standing before them was considerably larger than they had been led to believe and would consequently require more work than was covered by the sum of gold they had received there in Constantinople upon signing the agreement. Abbot Nikon, confessing his ignorance of the matter, asked who it was that had hired them. "Their names were Anthony and Theodosius," "Truly," said the abbot, "I cannot summon them, for they departed this life ten years ago. But as you yourselves testify, they continue to care for this monastery even now."
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The Greeks, scarcely believing this possible, called some merchants traveling with them, who had been present at the signing of the agreement, and asked that they be shown an image of the deceased. When this was done the Greeks bowed low, for they recognized in the saints the exact likeness of the two men who had commissioned them to paint the frescoes and given them the gold. Acknowledging the supernatural power of the saints, they decided not to cancel the agreement after all, and set about with heightened inspiration to embellish the church. The iconographers never returned to Constantinople; they became monks and ended their days there in the Caves Monastery.
The Dormition Church, rebuilt in 1470, was destroyed in 1941 by an explosion which the Soviets attribute to the Germans. Witnesses, however, state that it was the communists themselves who set delayed action explosives just before the German occupation of the city.
Orthodox America
submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 08:57 Responsible-Solid-91 Bad Divorce Aftermath, Regrets

It has been almost 2 months since the divorce, and since he moved out. Most of it has been pretty peaceful, some has been hard. (Ex. In the settlement he received most of my cash assets and retirement funds when the reason I filed for divorce is b/c he was a secret gambler who gambled away $120K in 2 yrs behind my back, and $40K of new CC debt).
When I found out in October, I was devastated. I filed for separation and it converted quickly to divorce. We had to live in the same house. New information came out every few weeks, about secrets and his lies and his debts that he hid from me. I felt humiliated, scared and very alone, like my life as I knew it was over. Around the same time, I went off the deep end and entered bad decision territory when an old situadionshipnfrom college showed up in town randomly, we flirted and I was just in a horrible emotional place. I said, screw everything. We kept talking and eventually some months later I made poor choices with him. I'm going to admit it to you and this is embarrassing: he was/is married. We both knew it was wrong, but both felt starved for feelings and attention. A month later, my STBXH found out and he was hurt. I was angry, and I feel I lost capacity to have emotions. The fling ended around this time, and I have regrets.
During part of the separation, my now Ex has vapid and horrible to me: Recording me in our home without me knowing, listening in on my private conversations with family; actively taking videos of me if we were having words or even if I was doing something normal (like eating) - trying to say I was abusing alcohol; threatening me with legal action when I was grabbing a popsicle late at night. He also went the opposite way sometimes, leaving me support and love notes. Saying he didn't want this to happen (and I thought, of course now - you're in some seriously financial trouble).
Where am I going with this? I was triggered today when I saw he is still late/defaulting on credit cards. I know, it's not my problem anymore, right? But I do care about his mental health. He didn't care about mine around the time he moved out, when he got all my cash and things in my house started breaking (dishwasher, plumbing) and I didn't have funds anymore to cover.
So I called him to ask how he was doing. He said he is fine, and then went on a tangent about me and the morally wrong life I'm living: 1. I was on a dating app (so was he, and I'm not anymore) and that's apparently wrong - "what if someone sees you and you get a reputation?"; 2. That I'm a homewrecker because I had a fling/affair when we were separated (yes, I know we lived together and that is distasteful). I know now it was wrong on a lot of levels, I wish I could take it back. 3. That I'm the one who was emotionally unstable (I've been in therapy since September, almost every week, and that was before the separation. My therapist thought I was being gaslit).
I feel like it's a reckoning. I've spend a lot of time reflecting on what I've done, how we got here. I'm doing self work. I know I cannot change him. But he made me feel somehow terrible, judged and shamed. I'm a great mom. I just got promoted at work. I have hobbies. I practice self-care. I'm now dating someone since earlier this year - taking it slow and I like spending time with him.
So, fellow redditors: Is it shameful to be on an app because someone wants to date as a single mom? Divorce because we lost so much to his compulsive gambling he hid away? He is making it seem like he is God's gift to parenting and is such a stand-up guy, and I'm a morally repugnant devil who deserves nothing good. Am I so wrong?
I know I should limit contact except for the kids and there is no closure to be found. I was worried because I want him to be happy and OK. He dislikes me, I don't care for him. Somehow I still care what he thinks. Is this normal?
submitted by Responsible-Solid-91 to Divorce [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 08:55 WolverineInitial2738 i need help

hello ive been struggling and have some questions.
summary of what’s happening: I have been trying to date but everytime in talking stage, i loose feeling so fast, i start to loose them as we get closer or do more stuff, and i liked them sm much and out of nowhere gone. when i open up i feel fine but shortly later i just loose feelings.
Why i think i have it: when i was four my parents divorced witch took a tole on me they fight all the time even now when they aren’t a married text messages calls and more, my dad got married again to my step mom who is horrible she treated me horribly every since was young to now yelled at me when my dad was not around lied to my dad about how i was doing bad stuff to where my dad would get mad at me, they would also fight all the time, then there is my mom side my mom got a bf later and i’ve known him for years half my life almost he is very nice but my mom and him do right sometimes however im now 17 and they are breaking up and fighting every night making it worse,
questions do i have fearfull avoidant? should i stay with the girl im talking to after i loose feeling to see if its fearfull avoidant? how do i get over this? if i do loose feelings will they come back if its from fearfull avoidant? and how do i get them back? i want to date but my mind screws me over all the time, sorry for long message really just need advice
submitted by WolverineInitial2738 to FearfulAvoidants [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 08:53 iamyourchimichanga I may have had my first wet dream? Not sure

So there is this guy that I have developed romantic feelings for. But were not dating. Last month I might have had my first wet dream. Not even sure if it was really a wet dream? Can it still be a wet dream if I wasnt wet when I woke up? But in the dream we were doing sexual things and I was feeling good. It was a very sensual type of dream. I never had a dream like that before or anything involving any kind of sexual acts. It's just a very new thing to me.
Been asexual all my life. I have high libido tho and I masturbate. But i only think of it as a bodily function. Most times it doesnt "feel" good for me and just something i have to do to end the horny. When i do it, I dont get imagination or the so called fantasies. I'm sex positive but I never had sex before but I know I'm open to doing it with a partner I love if ever.
But I'm also demi-romantic so I've only been romantically interested once or twice and one of those was with another asexual so anything sexual was never brought up and my sexuality never got questioned peacefully. (Cant say the same for the entire relationship tho, it was a massive ship wreck)
This new romantic interest has been bringing up new emotions and feelings inside me that makes me question a lot these day. I masturbated once or twice and had my first fantasy involving him in it which also had never happened before.
submitted by iamyourchimichanga to asexuality [link] [comments]


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