John and Rebecca, who converted to Orthodoxy in 2006, became parishioners of the Church of Apostles Peter and Paul, and now they could sing and read together in the choir. The friendly parish consisted of Orthodox Christians of different nationalities and colors—Russians, Americans, Czechs, and Mexicans. Their daughter Alyona was born that same year.
Most of the photos from the family archive depict John, his daughter and his wife. Since Alyona’s birth, her dad has always been close by—at home, on vacation, or at school. A big smile, a kind look full of love for his loved ones and the people around him are in every photo.
After John graduated from university in 2007, he and his family decided to move to the small town of Eau Claire for a residency in family psychology. To accomplish this, John took a out student loan to open a clinic and purchase a small farm, where he and his wife showed the talent of their ancestors who had tilled farmland.
https://preview.redd.it/zaxxqvpceync1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=2c3625ac633153f4d9a47a42a255aafe55725277
https://preview.redd.it/qxg6j7ceeync1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=46644846bbc7136d893a180b39dd5362a135740b
https://preview.redd.it/zszze3tfeync1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=6b72e27848646a3ab0998b374680a420042ae56a
After working for two years, John realized that because of compulsory clinical practices that existed in American medicine (such as abortion), he was unable to build a professional career without violating Christian commandments. As a result, he had to quit working in the medical field. Having worked as a mechanic for a company that sold biogas purifying and refining systems, he became unemployed in 2012 after his employer went bankrupt. Fr. John recalls that his job of mechanic helped him develop a sense of humility when he, a former nuclear physicist, had to clean dirty filters. Unemployed, he wasted no time passing an industrial engineer license exam, and in 2013 he found a job in his profession. In 2014, after living in misery for ten years, Rebecca was diagnosed with Bekhterev’s disease.
https://preview.redd.it/53umussieync1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=09c760e6ee03ad2de9dd64da24b840c600a9ab82
In Seattle, their daughter Alyona, who had already learned the basics of reading and writing in Russian at home, entered the Orthodox school at St. Nicholas Cathedral, one of the oldest Orthodox churches in the Americas. It was founded in 1932 by Russian immigrants, primarily the former Imperial Navy officers who found political refuge there from the Bolsheviks. Vladyka John of Shanghai, now glorified among the saints, departed to the Lord in 1966 in one of the cathedral’s rooms while he was staying there during an archpastoral visit. The Stashko family had been parishioners of the St. Nicholas Cathedral for seven years before their move to Russia. John sang in the cathedral choir, which at times numbered as many as twenty-five singers and included a former opera singer named Harry.
https://preview.redd.it/gnzny8wleync1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=540698c9e1de6d1c8f4e7ed4815a0247e5fa7b7a
Classes at the Orthodox school at the cathedral held on Saturdays included only humanity subjects, such as teaching of the Law of God, Orthodox chants, and the Russian language, literature and culture. Alyona studied all other subjects at home. Her mother taught the complete curriculum in English, while her father supplemented her knowledge in Math, Physics, and Science in Russian. Alyona spoke Russian from early childhood, as her father used to read to her only Russian-language books, despite being unable at times to understand the words he was reading, referring to a dictionary. John considers himself responsible for his daughter’s upbringing, and her spiritual state in particular.
John displayed a well-rounded personality from childhood. He refused to watch television in his youth, believing that television programs, and especially television advertising, had a negative effect on a person, left intrusive imagery and melodies in the memory, thus harming one’s spiritual state. He also believed that rock music caused despondency. When he was twenty-four, he decided to learn to play the violin. As a result, he worked at it for ten years with the help of a tutor and later switched to cello. He misses this instrument greatly—he had to leave it back in the USA and there is no way to to retrieve it in the future.
https://preview.redd.it/jnwi5jsoeync1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=e019a09a4795d504f3ec96cf4eb3e685c48fabf1
John prefers using literary English and avoids slang. He is thrilled with genuine literary Russian language in the belief that man differs from the rest of creation because he can speak, and we are given the skill to use words in order to communicate with God. He can’t tolerate swearing, and prefers to stay silent. Besides English and Russian, he studied several other languages, including Japanese. When we mentioned the Holy Hierarch Innocent of Moscow in the story about the miraculous help through prayer in front of the “Sitka” Icon of the Mother of God, the name of the Holy Hierarch Nicholas of Japan also came up, as he was spiritually connected with the Holy Hierarch Innocent. John was in Japan before he converted to Orthodoxy and participated at Catholic church services there. He sang the prokeimenon in Japanese to commemorate the trip.
In 2018, John came to the Russian city of Ust-Ilimsk in the north of the Irkutsk Region to work on the “Technological re-equipment of the evaporation station” project at a local forest industry complex. In his free time, he began attending services at the Church of All Saints Who Shone Forth in the Russian Land, and with the blessing of its rector Archpriest Alexander Bely-Kruglyakov he joined the church choir.
When Rebecca and Alyona arrived to Ust-Ilimsk, it became obvious that his wife’s illness was receding in the seemingly harsher climate conditions of the Russian North. They bought an apartment where both mother and daughter were staying while John entered the correspondence department of mechanical engineering department at Togliatti State University. At the height of the coronavirus epidemic in 2020, John decided to give up his position in the US and reside in Ust-Ilimsk, having obtained a temporary residence permit in Russia. In 2021, he earned a Bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering from TSU, and thanks to his education, he was able to obtain Russian citizenship. As a regular member of the choir, he was ordained a Reader.
At the end of April 2022, Metropolitan Maximilian of Irkutsk and Angarsk came with an archpastoral visit to the Church of All Saints Who Shone Forth in the Russian Land in Ust-Ilimsk. John was chanting as he always did at the evening service on the Sunday of Antipascha. Upon hearing him singing at church, Vladyka blessed John to become a deacon. As he recalled his life’s journey, John said he undoubtedly had great doubts about this blessing. There were times in his life when his soul became attached to earthly things and worldly blessings. Besides, extra knowledge often blinds our minds—there are only few among us who made discoveries in the area of nuclear physics! It is not without reason that John’s previous life was so close to the mad rich man’s from the passage in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 12, verses 16–21. But other stories from his life also come to mind, especially in his childhood while still a young boy, he pretended to be a priest; or as a young man he wished he could stay at church forever after attending services.
He pondered Vladyka’s blessing for a week. Rebecca also supported his decision to be ordained. The Lord was leading his servant John towards this moment all his life along a rather complicated and winding path. Reading about the life of the Church abroad, our fellow countrymen and compatriots who had to leave their homeland during the terrible revolutionary years, we marvel at their innocence and the depth of their faith, which was as natural to them as breathing. God created Man to be His co-creator, that’s why it isn’t surprising that a man can combine such vast life experience—physics and poetry, medicine, knowledge of languages, intensive music studies, and singing talent. Our abilities and talents are not limited but need to be developed, so that we don’t turn our life into a downward spiral.
During challenging moments of life, John always reads the Psalm 90 of David. Because of his deep reverence for the Mother of God, he loves to sing the Magnificat of the Most Holy Mother of God from Matins, especially its first verse “The Theotokos and the Mother of Light, let us magnify in hynms…” which is now a part of his ministry.
The amazing story of Fr. John’s life journey corresponds to the words of the Akathist written by Holy Hierarch Tryphon Turkestanov, “Glory to God for All Things.”
In the wondrous blending of sounds, it is Your call we hear. In the harmony of many voices, in the sublime beauty of music, in the glory of the works of great composers, You lead us to the threshold of paradise to come, and to the choirs of angels. All true beauty has the power to draw the soul towards You and make it sing in ecstasy: Alleluia!
The breath of Thy Holy Spirit inspires artists, poets, scientists. The power of Thy supreme knowledge makes them prophets and interpreters of Thy laws, who reveal the depths of Thy creative wisdom. Their works speak unwittingly of Thee. How great Thou art in Thy creation! How great Thou art in man!
Glory to Thee, showing Thy unsurpassable power in the laws of the universe. Glory to Thee, for all nature is filled with Thy laws. Glory to Thee for what Thou hast revealed to us in Thy mercy. Glory to Thee for what Thou hast hidden from us in Thy wisdom. Glory to Thee for the inventiveness of the human mind. Glory to Thee for the dignity of man’s labor. Glory to Thee for the tongues of fire that bring inspiration. Glory to Thee, O God, from age to age.
On June 26, 2022, Metropolitan Maximilian of Irkutsk and Angarsk ordained John to the diaconate.
The diaconal ordination took place on the day of the patronal feast of the churches of All Saints Who Shone Forth in the Russian Land in both Ust-Ilimsk and Bratsk. It’s been truly providential, just like everything else in our life. Through the prayers of his patron saint the Holy Hierarch John Chrysostom, his parents and grandparents, the dreams of a small American boy with a Russian soul named John Chrysostom to live in Russia and always remain at church in order to serve the Lord have come true. He walked towards it all his life, unable to find complete satisfaction from any of his numerous activities and hobbies, because the Lord was preparing him to serve at the altar of God—the ministry that is loftier than anything else on earth.
​
Translation by Liubov Ambrose

Hi!
Nibble is imprisoned by the Ogres
After reading the latest Explorer's Diary by Tibiasecrets.com I got inspired to document all Krailos NPCs via hotkey spamming.
The ogres turned out to have some interesting lore, but I got surprised when finding out the goblins are chatty and respond to strange keywords - and then I found they shed some truly secret and interesting information about the ancient history of Kilmaresh and the gods.
While conversing, all keywords used by the ogres are highlighted in dark blue. However, the goblins, quite unexpectedly, don't have any highlighted keywords.
The goblins are currently in peril, hunted and abused by the ogres who use them as miners and for food.
It’s our job to help them, as the ogres have infiltrated their secret city within the mountains.
P.S. This is written in a quite loose-cannon way, more like journeying into thought-trains with some context.

Language

They know a very interesting language, and even give us some translations.
Not only that, they are clever and their English vocabulary is quite insane, especially when compared to other goblins we can talk to - such as Robson’s “Lunch”. The Babel Swimmer is another reason I wanted to study this place.
​
Sadly we don't get to hear the Runaway Goblins name, as he's hiding from something greater
For some reason, we are not able to hear all there is to hear and mispronounce badly.
Now this will derail a bit and you'll get to see my thought process because fun.
This language interestingly bears similar characteristics as Jehkr, the deepling language, and also Gharonk - where a single word can mean multiple things.
Which is also the case for 'draconic glyphs' - Given that The First Dragon appreciates English where every word always keeps the same meaning.
https://preview.redd.it/0go71gbazlec1.png?width=523&format=png&auto=webp&s=ee5b4ea23edc3f753b3202499bea659722f8b99c
Just southwest of The First Dragon in the lizardy Chor (north of Zao), we get this old parchment with symbols
Chor
Which we decrypt into this language commonly referred to as ‘Ancient Language’ or ‘Demon Language’.
​
Ankrahmun
These symbols bear a striking resemblance to Jekhr which is very close by
Speaking underwater might sway the language over time
And the transcribed form bears a striking resemblance to ‘Ancient Language’ and Gharonk
Could this explain the stony goblin figures we find there?
​
Or how even the deeplings share some resemblence
Circling back to Krailos and our goblins - we find there are ancient ruins with a sarcophagus and some dragon ornaments.
​
https://preview.redd.it/x5epp1swwlec1.png?width=537&format=png&auto=webp&s=4e064164fb83e26f5428bc2941ea1a0eb88d89f1
Which reminds me of Ankrahmun… and the ‘Ancient Language’, ‘Mehrah asram’
IT’S ALL CONNECTED!1!
On another note, we can do some truly amazing things with this map. I've done extensive research on the ancient map & warlocks here
Also, we find these glyphs in the mad mage's room. 😀
https://preview.redd.it/cj0pa3akxlec1.png?width=1600&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd7836d89d459382e69d49f546459c9b2c2f7741

Back to goblins

Let’s continue with a short history of the goblins, it’s pretty interesting
https://preview.redd.it/3hu8az2qzlec1.png?width=493&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ded7ccc0c4ec04b95491d6f68de8c2c612db0f4
All hail hypnotoad!
https://preview.redd.it/unuv6bo90mec1.png?width=493&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ffb08446fe9a482bb77fb7d700e28318218069d
The goblin Sugatrap lived during a dark time while several ancient goblin clans were up and about. He got some vision from a Frog God which eventually led to a civilization in the mountains - which is now ruined by the ogres.
One unexpected keyword I found sheds some light on this city, how advanced they were.
https://preview.redd.it/pxnic9uc0mec1.png?width=493&format=png&auto=webp&s=3cf4953a020972b4be610b78c1c7a0f2297b8d9c
They had a library! This adds some kind of validity in what they say. Scholars. They must’ve had some record, knowledge, albeit likely fragmented and warped with time.
The goblins have interesting knowledge of how the land around us came to be, and segues into some of their other weird ‘gods’
A wriggling Fire Snake huh?
There’s some strange Fire Snake that the goblins dislike, and an event where Molten earth fell from the sky. Hmm..
In another interesting conversation with the Exile we learn goblins yearn for a Third Time of Peace.
https://preview.redd.it/o273q8vl0mec1.png?width=493&format=png&auto=webp&s=2f28a900b76e03a45121d9f77a327b7b906c2ff6
Implying we have passed the first peace, what happened at the border between the first and the second, current peace? How long ago was this?
And another Snake is mentioned. Now we have Fire Snake and Night Snake to deal with 🐍
What can we learn about the Night Snake?
Fighter of the Day Snake!
Champion of the sun!
This is an interesting kind of “God”, it hates earth and water - which could be a great reason why the goblins hid in the Wet Moist Mountains™.
It also reminds me of how some of the yalahari fled to watery underground Mistrock, Beregar under the threat of Variphor. And how we shouldn’t name Night Snake nor Variphor. And how they both act during the night.
And what is this Fire Snake? By the descriptions, it doesn’t seem to be an ordinary dragon we find in the mountains.
This is when another obscure keyword was found: obsidian
The only mention of the Second Age of Peace is found from obsidian
I interpret this as the start of the Second Age of Peace some thousand years ago when the Fire Snake went into hiding - implying that it hid somewhere other than land. And some other event happening.
When some giant cataclysmic event occurred.
Something about ‘cooled fall’ and ‘obsidian’ makes me think of the cataclysmic event called ‘Suon’s Wrath’ as described by Alyxo from Issavi.

Said cataclysmic event separated Issavi from Krailos.
Suon is a sun god, I’d imagine that the wrath was hot.
But there are more gods at play here.
See part 2. for some resolution and more riddles.
Read it here:
https://www.reddit.com/SolvingTibia/comments/19ffbnm/secrets_of_the_goblin_gods_a_venture_into_krailos/

not pictured: the Neapolitan Quartet by Elena Ferrante, East of the Sun and West of the Moon illustrated by Kay Nielsen (so proud of this one), House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. there’s more, but these are the ones i most care about. in the future, i’ll get a bigger shelf and frequent secondhand bookstores.

There's a classic tune called "What A Diff'rence A Day Makes" (aka "What A Diff'rence A Day Made"), covered by many artists, in English, since originally being recorded in Spanish in 1934 (as "Cuando Vuelva A Tu Lado").
The English language versions have entirely different lyrics, not attempting translation of the original Spanish.
Some digging for the original Spanish lyrics led to a YouTube 'lyric video' of Eydie Gormé's 1964 Spanish version (linked), and text of lyrics from another Spanish version.
Putting those Spanish lyrics (below) through Google Translate yielded the English lyrics (also below), which- maybe unsurprisingly- seem clumsy, or perhaps inaccurate.
The 2 different sources below differ in at least 1 word: "dejaste" and "negaste", which Google translates individually as "you left" and "you denied". And where the lyrical content from the 2 Spanish versions is identical, Google returned slightly different translations.
Can anyone here accurately translate the Spanish lyrics below into English? I'm curious what is lost in translation by Google, and want to understand the nuance and sentiment of the Spanish as it would be naturally/colloquially expressed in English. With that information, one might attempt English language lyrics more closely resembling the original intent.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH in advance.
1964 Spanish lyrics:
CUANDO VUELVA A TU LADO NO ME NIEGUES TUS BESOS QUE EL AMOR QUE TE HE DADO NO PODRÁS OLVIDAR NO ME PREGUNTES NADA QUE NADA HE DE EXPLICARTE QUE EL BESO QUE DEJASTE YA NO LO PUEDES DAR CUANDO VUELVA A TU LADO Y ESTÉ SOLO CONTIGO LAS COSAS QUE TE DIGO NO REPITAS JAMÁS POR COMPASIÓN UNE TU LABIO AL MÍO Y ESTRÉCHAME EN TUS BRAZOS Y CUENTA LOS LATIDOS DE NUESTRO CORAZÓN
1964 Google Translated English:
WHEN I COME BACK TO YOUR SIDE DON'T DENY ME YOUR KISSES THAT THE LOVE I HAVE GIVEN TO YOU YOU CAN'T FORGET DON'T ASK ME ANYTHING THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAN THE KISS YOU LEFT YOU CANNOT GIVE IT ANYMORE WHEN I COME BACK TO YOUR SIDE AND BE ALONE WITH YOU THE THINGS I TELL YOU DON'T EVER REPEAT FOR COMPASSION JOIN YOUR LIP TO MINE AND HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS AND COUNT THE BEATS FROM OUR HEART
Alternate Spanish version:
Cuando vuelva a tu lado No me niegues tus besos Que el amor que te he dado No podrás olvidar No me preguntes nada Que nada he de explicarte Que el beso que negaste Ya no lo puedes dar Cuando vuelva a tu lado Y estés solo contigo Las cosas que te digo No repitas jamás, por compasión Une tu labio al mío Y estréchame en tus brazos Y cuenta los latidos De nuestro corazón No me preguntes nada Que nada he de explicarte Que el beso que negaste Ya no lo puedes dar Cuando vuelva a tu lado Y estés solo contigo Las cosas que te digo No repitas jamás, por compasión Une tu labio al mío Y estréchame en tus brazos Y cuenta los latidos De nuestro corazón
Alternate version Google Translate English:
When I return to your side Don't deny me your kisses May the love that I have given you You won't be able to forget Don't ask me anything I have nothing to explain to you Than the kiss that you denied You can't give it anymore When I return to your side And be alone with you The things that I tell you Never repeat, out of compassion Join your lip to mine And hold me in your arms And count the beats from our hearts

Howdy, and merry christmas! Welcome back to Day 19 of the indieheads Album of the Year 2023 Writing Series! This is our annual event where we showcase pieces from some of our favorite writers on the subreddit, discussing some of their favorite records of the year! This year we'll be running (almost) everyday through the length of December and a little into January, with one new writeup from a different indieheads user (almost) every day! Today, series veteran u/danitykane covers one of the most beloved albums of the year, Sufjan Stevens' Javelin.
October 6th 2023 - Asthmatic Kitty

Listen

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Background

Sufjan Stevens is, to put it bluntly, likely the most important folk artist of the new millennium. To properly summarize him would take far longer than just a few paragraphs, so let’s be brief. For the past two decades, Stevens has tugged at our heartstrings and our spirits across a variety of sounds. Some people may prefer the sparse folk of 2004’s Seven Swans or 2015’s heartbreaking Carrie & Lowell. Others will know him from the ornately baroque Michigan (2003) and Illinois (2005), part of a Fifty States Project that, depending on who you ask, was either canceled or just a bit the whole time. For what it’s worth, my favorite is 2010’s The Age of Adz, a chaotic and glitchy existential crisis. The point is that two Sufjan Stevens projects rarely sound alike, but you can find threads connecting them all: love, belonging, and - yes - God.
Javelin, Stevens’ latest, was announced on August 14 with the release of “So You Are Tired”, followed by “Will Anybody Ever Love Me?'' nearly a month later. A week after that, on September 20, Stevens revealed he had been hospitalized and diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome, an autoimmune disorder where the body attacks its nerves, leading to numbness, weakness, and potential paralysis. The occasionally hermitish Stevens spent the next few weeks providing regular updates on his personal blog (the archives of which I cannot recommend enough) before announcing he was officially discharged and headed to outpatient care on October 5, the day before Javelin’s release. He has only made two posts since, one being a “room for rent” sign on his former hospital room.
The second was Javelin’s release announcement. In it, Stevens dedicates the release to his partner, Evans Richardson, who sadly passed away in April of this year. This was not only the first time Stevens mentioned his relationship, but also his public coming out; the private singer avoided the topic over the years. For many of his fans, this gay one included, the pain of the loss and the light of the love resonated in a complex and profound way. Of course, more on that later. For now, the final words of the announcement, from Sufjan Stevens himself:

Live every day as if it is your last, with fullness and grace, with reverence and love, with gratitude and joy. This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Thank you. I love you. XOS

Writing by danitykane

I.

In the same breath he stretched his loving arms
but could not seize him, no, the ghost slipped underground
like a wisp of smoke… with a high thin cry.
And Achilles sprang up with a start and starting wide,
drove his fists together and cried in desolation, “Ah god!
So even in Death’s strong house there is something left…”

The Iliad, 1991 translation by Robert Fagles
What could be left after death? Life and death are inseparable, intertwined. This rather inconvenient reality catches us all, sooner or later, but humans remain a tricky bunch. The advent of civilization millenia ago allowed for societies that (nominally) protect people from their ultimate demise through food, safety, and shelter. This rather elementary description isn’t supposed to be a revelation, but rather just one of several ways we’ve fought back against the reaper. After all, if true immortality cannot be achieved - if we are destined to lose, the eternal underdogs in the Game of Life - what hope is there? That is a question with a more difficult answer.
To paraphrase something commonly attributed to Ernest Hemingway (which, after searching, I am beginning to believe is apocryphal) - we truly die when we are forgotten by those still here. If we can create something that outlasts us, then perhaps all of this will have been worth it. It’s easy to apply this to the artist’s life. Can we truly say that Homer or da Vinci are dead, when we’re still discussing their creations? Does their spirit not live on every time a ninth grader reads The Odyssey or a flock of tourists peers at the Mona Lisa through bulletproof glass? A religious person might say that creation is what we share with God, and therefore it is through creation that we can steal a piece of immortality for our own. That’s all well and good for artists whose work does endure, but what about the rest of us? What about the parts of Homer that aren’t his two epic poems? Is it all doomed to eternal oblivion?
Almost certainly. Merry Christmas everyone!
To be real though: we do create all the time, even those who are not artists or artisans. We build relationships with each other, imprinting little pieces of ourselves into those around us and those that will come after us. If ever there was an antidote to Death, it would be those relationships. It would be Love.
The Ancient Greeks had several concepts that modern English groups under the umbrella term of love. You’ve got eros, the sensual and romantic love you may find in a couple. There’s philia, the love between friends. Storge is parental and instinctual love. And agape is an all-encompassing, divine love that is used more in Christian contexts than Ancient Greek ones, but whose origins nevertheless date to the early Iron Age. Love in all its shades color our lives, giving us the tools to create something out of the space between two people.
Here is where our heroes enter. You probably know the gist of the story of Achilles, but here’s a quick rundown. The demigod was born to the Nereid Thetis and Peleus, a human king. He was the greatest and strongest warrior fighting for the Achaens in the Trojan War, where he was ultimately slain shortly before the war’s end. If you know anything about him, it’s that as an infant Achilles was dipped in the river Styx, rendering him immortal everywhere except the heel by which he was held, leading to his death by an arrow. (That’s actually a post-Homer development, but it’s essentially “canon” now.)
The Trojan War was a decade of brutal siege warfare, and Achilles was the most accomplished soldier of them all. There’s very little literature concerned with most of the War; Homer’s Iliad, the most famous telling of the Trojan War, focuses on just a few days during the war’s final year. Achilles spends most of the Iliad pouting - Agamemnon, the commander of the Achaens, has taken Briseis, his slave won in battle, as his own. Unswayed by offers of riches in her place or pleas to help his comrades-in-arms, Achilles sits in his tent and refuses to fight. Without Achilles or his Myrmidons, the Achaens suffer heavy losses at the hands of the Trojans, being pushed back into their ships. It’s at this point Patroclus puts on Achilles’s armor. Whoa, zoom out. Okay. Who is Patroclus?
As a boy, Patroclus was sent to serve in the court of King Peleus, punishment for killing a playmate during a game. It was there he formed a relationship with Achilles. As the older boy, Patroclus lent his wisdom and calmer demeanor to the brash and overconfident Achilles. After the outbreak of the Trojan War, Achilles and Patroclus share a tent. At one point, they’re caught alone, Achilles singing to Patroclus. The two may have women in their lives, (who they’re sleeping with in the same tent, mind you), but it’s beyond obvious that Achilles and Patroclus consider each other the most important person in the world.
So - were they gay? That’s actually not a particularly illuminating question. The identity of a “gay person” as we know it today is a relatively modern phenomenon. Does that mean that Big Gay is feeding us propaganda about Achilles and Patroclus or even real people like Alexander the Great and Hephaestion?
Well, no. Homosexual behavior is a lot older than the homosexual identity, being seen throughout both the natural world and human history. In fact, the Ancient Greeks themselves essentially codified homosexual activity between men over 2000 years ago. (Homosexual activity between women in Ancient Greece is supported historically, but it did not receive the same social standing that it did with men.) The system is referred to as “pederasty”, but it should be noted that the modern usage of the word implies abuse that is not implied in its discussion re: Ancient Greece. To avoid comparisons, I will not be referring to it as “pederasty” further - our epic heroes are both grown men. It is important to remember that modern sensibilities do not graft so well onto ancient societies, for better or worse.
In Ancient Greek society, sex between two men could be a way to build comradery, it could be a way for an older man to mentor a younger one, or it could be a relationship closer to those between a man and his wife. Each one of those is guided by love as the Greeks understood it, and so the roles each man played in the relationship were given a lovely name derived from eros. The erastes was usually older, wealthier, and more masculine - he would be the penetrative partner in anal sex. The eromenos was younger, softer, and the receptive partner. (It is devastating to realize the Ancient Greeks had already anticipated “tops: do you pay for your bottom’s dinner?” prompt Tweets.) Once the eromenos was an established man, capable of growing his own beard, it would be expected that he would become an erastes - a fully-grown man being penetrated was taboo. Both men were still expected to take wives and father children.
So… Achilles and Patroclus… were they… you know, “derived from eros”? Homer himself never mentioned it directly in the Iliad, but some major shakers in Ancient Greek society sure thought so. The playwright Aeschylus wrote a now-lost play in which Achilles openly refers to sex with Patroclus. Plato argues in the Symposium that they were lovers, with Phaedrus going as far as to say their love is an example for how to properly love. (Fun fact: the Symposium ends with a man stumbling into the gathering and admitting how much he’s always wanted to fuck Socrates.) As a certified gay, this is certainly enough for me to conclude that Achilles and Patroclus were in love romantically and sexually. Need some more proof? Well, let’s hop back into the Iliad.
Patroclus dons Achilles’ armor, figuring that Fauxchilles is better than Nochilles. When he takes to the battlefield, he inspires the Achaens and instills terror in the Trojans, who think Achilles has returned. His plan appears to be successful, until the god Apollo intervenes, confusing Patroclus long enough for him to be killed by Hector, Troy’s greatest warrior. When news finally reaches Achilles, he throws himself to the ground, covering his body in ashes and tearing out his hair. His first immediate request is to die himself, drowned in sorrow. That sorrow quickly turns into an unstoppable rage.
In an attempt to settle the score, Achilles kills so many Trojans that their corpses dam the river Scamander. When the river god objects, Achilles fights him as well. He eventually finds his target - Hector, the man who fell his beloved. Hector is formidable, but, as you can see in this documentary, no match for a man who’s lost his love. Achilles does not agree to uphold a traditional funeral for the loser of the battle. Hector falls and is taken into Achilles’s custody.
If you expected killing Hector to fill the hole that losing Patroclus left in Achilles, you’d be wrong. So the grieving demigod ties Hector’s body to the back of a chariot and drags it through the terrain around Troy - for days. His need for revenge has become single-minded, even to his lover’s detriment. You see, Patroclus’s body has also not gone through the necessary funeral rites. Achilles cannot see through his grief to realize he’s become selfish. It’s not until Patroclus appears to him in spirit, a genuflecting ghost, to appeal to Achilles to allow him to pass into the underworld. Achilles finally relents, and the two agree to inter their bones in a single urn.
After the funeral for Patroclus, Achilles continues to defile Hector’s body. Hector’s father, the Trojan King Priam, must beg directly for his son’s body. It’s at this point, right at the end, that Achilles realizes the magnitude of the loss. The two men openly weep over their fallen loved ones. Achilles allows Priam to leave with Hector’s body, promising the Trojans 12 days to grieve. The Iliad ends as the Trojans bury Hector and Achilles sets his sights forward, renewed and ready to fight until his own death.
Nearly three thousand years ago, the story of these two men who loved each other inspired warriors and poets. That even the Ancient Greeks disagreed on who in the relationship was the erastes and who was the eromenos speaks to a more complex understanding of how men could love each other. Aeschylus thought that Achilles, the stronger warrior compelled to seek revenge for his lover’s death, was erastes. Plato argued that as the older, calmer, and wiser of the two, Patroclus was erastes, mentoring Achilles on how to be a good man. Perhaps there’s a third interpretation: through their love, the two men learned from each other. Patroclus became bolder and Achilles more tender.
Three millennia ago, it was understood, at least by some, that two men could experience the kind of love that paralyzes you, that rips you apart at the seams when you lose it. Achilles’ journey in the Iliad is less about his K/D ratio and more about this near-invincible warrior finally feeling pain. He thought he had felt it before - when Briseis was taken from him, when the Achaens would pester him about rejoining the fight. But it was only through love, through eros, that he was finally wounded. And it was only through loss that this impossibly strong warrior found that his true strength was not in how he handled his javelin, but how he handled himself. Love as life, as weapon, and as battlefield.
- - -
II.

I actually don’t hear it as a gay thing. To me it’s all about fraternal affection. He is reminiscing about a childhood holiday with his brother, and about how they oscillated between playing and fighting… All the stuff about kissing and being in love feels more metaphorical.

Genius user Chem4lyf on “The Predatory Wasps of the Palisades are Out to Get Us!” by Sufjan Stevens

Is Sufjan Stevens Gay, Married, or Christian?

Spambot-written article I quote regularly in my life
The homosexuals do not hold a monopoly on tenderness, but something about Sufjan always felt like he was singing to us. The question of whether the subject of a song is a “he” or a “He” seemed less integral than how pure the love seemed. Of course, it didn’t hurt that the ambiguity gave us something to latch onto. Calling Sufjan’s sexuality an “open secret” I think does it a disservice, as nothing in his music feels guarded or locked away. There are ways for one man to express love for another man without saying “I’m gay”, after all, and they’ve always been there.
In the hours immediately after Sufjan posted his tribute to Evans, gay people were in a tizzy. Well, the ones I know, anyway. I think we were all ready for a good cry and a day ruined by sad thoughts. Would this be the same grief-laden Sufjan we saw on Carrie & Lowell? Would, perhaps, this be Sufjan’s A Crow Looked At Me? Leave it to Sufjan Stevens to zag when we think he’s going to zig, giving us maybe the most optimistic album in history about the tragedy of losing the love of your life. It’s sad, don’t get me wrong, but the sadness is just one thread tying all of it together. With Javelin, Sufjan pulls together a mosaic of his entire life and musical career, creating an album of pain and delight, of sorrow and joy.
- - -
III.

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

Robert Frost, “Reluctance”
Like the Iliad, Javelin begins in media res. The very first word of the album is “goodbye”. Somber piano supports Sufjan as he invokes his muse, his “Evergreen” and simultaneously mourns his loss. The song teases an Age of Adz-style emotional breakdown, Sufjan unable to see past his grief as his world slips out from underneath it. He’s “drowning”, he’s “a cancer”. Then, as if pulling on those same strings, the song switches into a cacophony of beeps and boops as Sufjan and his chorus chant the song and the pain away. This time, the chant is not “there’s too much riding on that”, but “you know I love you” - it certainly sounds less paranoid, anyway.
Javelin might seem to be an album about a specific loss, but it’s just as much about contextualizing the loss in his life. The Sufjan that lost his partner is the same one that lost his friend on Casimir Pulaski Day and lost his mother just over a decade ago To that end, the album is dense with musical and lyrical references from across his discography. The album cover even calls to mind the (tad overlooked) All Delighted People EP. Reflecting the album’s content, the cover speaks to a life made up not just oneself, but everyone in one’s life - a solar system of memories and emotions in orbit. The collage includes several Sufjans, both Dessners, and even Beyoncé, as an astute member of her subreddit noticed. (Sufjan, it should be noted, is a fan.)
And, of course, there is Evans. Towards the front half of Javelin, all Sufjan can do is feel the loss of his love, so he tries to live inside it. There’s not just the drowning of “Goodbye Evergreen”, but the pleas for his lover to stay in “A Running Start”. Submerged in the emptiness, he asks a simple question: “Will Anybody Ever Love Me?”. The song, quite possibly the most devastating song in a discography full of them, feels like rock bottom for Sufjan. He beseeches the universe to take him, to send his body down the river, to burn it - anything to stop feeling the loneliness.
How very Achilles of him. When the hero faces the death of his lover, he cannot eat or sleep. He covers himself in dirt and pulls out his hair, a cultural funerary practice of the time. Sufjan, his heart ablaze, asks only to become a human sacrifice whose death might benefit the world.
Achilles filled a river with blood and could not fill the emptiness inside. Slightly more realistically, Sufjan Stevens starts at begging. In “Everything that Rises”, he asks for something new - for Christ to lift him out of his hell. He shares a title, once again, with a Flannery O’Connor story but is likely referring this time to the same phrase O’Connor pulled from: a work by French priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin that suggested the universe was evolving into a single God consciousness. That it shares the feel of an unheard Seven Swans song and a title scheme with an existing one is another thread tying the Sufjan Stevens in grief with the same one that sang these songs 20 years ago.
God works in mysterious ways, or so it seems, so Sufjan instead seeks solace in his lover. “Genuflecting Ghost” may as well be an adaptation of the conversation Achilles has with the ghost of Patroclus in his tent. Sufjan at first asks the ghost to return to the normal days, settling for the bad ones, before he’s hit with a realization - there’s still time. He’s spent these first few songs mourning the loss before it’s happened. Like Achilles, Sufjan realizes there’s still a duty he has to uphold for his lover. For Achilles, it’s the twelve days of funeral games and rites that he finally holds in Patroclus’ honor. For Sufjan, it’s love.
You see, partway through “Genuflecting Ghost”, Sufjan stops asking the titular ghost for anything at all, choosing instead to live fully through what time they have left.

Now we dance in our catastrophe
Ramparts in the sky that flash with horror
Let’s take these chances - no more amnesty
Nothing else remains as once before

Sufjan Stevens has always imbued his music with a complex sense of love. The love for a partner and for a tree are possible with the same person. In fact, Sufjan frequently alludes to them being the same exact love. Eros is philia is storge. This should immediately strike a reader as being a very religious idea, to which I would say, “Did you forget we’re talking about Sufjan Stevens?” Even at his most overtly Christian, Sufjan’s idea of love is a unifying one. It’s agape.
The concept, which I glossed over earlier, is a central part of Javelin. Agape, to put it broadly, is the type of love between god and man. It’s a unifying, selfless love that manifests in loving each other and the world around you. For Sufjan, it’s almost as if it is blood itself. In “My Red Little Fox” Sufjan waltzes across a tender moment spent facing the abyss, singing

Kiss me like the wind
That flows within your veins

This kiss and the love it represents is a reflection of the natural world. It can burn with the fire of gods. In his love, Sufjan sees the divine in its true form. “Is this Sufjan Stevens song gay or about God?” was always a false dichotomy; in true Sufjan form, the answer has always been both, for a reason that seems self-evident to him and we may need more help to understand: all love comes from the same place. This isn’t even religious - I am very much an atheist - but who can deny love? When I feel fondness for the squirrel that lives in my yard, is that not the same awestruck wonder that finds me tracing my lover’s back with my fingers when we lay in bed together?
Face it - love is powerful! (That’s why I always choose Aphrodite’s boons in Hades.) Sufjan spends the middle of the record rediscovering his love before it faces its most demanding test: finally saying goodbye. In “Goodbye Evergreen”, Sufjan battles his self-doubts about being able to say those words. When he approaches the topic again, in “So You Are Tired”, he’s a different man. As a single, the song was devastating and sad. What makes it more crushing is that the context of Javelin reveals it to be full of grace. Faced with the end, Sufjan allows the star of his life to dim out. There’s no more clinging, no fear of losing the love with the life. Instead, he tells his lover:

So rest your head
Turning back all that we had in our life
While I return to death

This song, this moment right here, is why I truly think Javelin is an optimistic album. While he was at risk of losing it all, Sufjan finds a way to live by bringing his love with him. This mirrors Achilles’ renewed purpose at the end of the Trojan War. When Achilles promises King Priam his son’s body, he reflects on grief and its role in life, telling him the story of Niobe, who fasted for too long after the gods killed her children and wasted away until she became a stone. Achilles, seeing in Priam the emptiness of grief that he also knows too well, tells him:

So come — we too, old king, must think of food.
Later you can mourn your beloved son once more,
when you bear him home to Troy, and you'll weep many tears.

Niobe’s pain, while very real, prevented her from living her own life, and so she forfeited it. Achilles wants the same thing for himself and for Priam: to avoid that fate and meet their own in their own time. (Because this is Ancient Greece, that was not long - Achilles died just a few days after fighting resumed, and Priam was killed by Achilles’ son Neoptolemus during the Sack of Troy). Sufjan himself references Niobe’s tragic fate in “The Kiss of Niobe”, a B-side exclusive to copies of Javelin from Rough Trade, offering her solace to help ease her sorrow. As for himself, he now, like Achilles, returns to face life head-on.

I will always love you

He sings on “Shit Talk”,

But I cannot live with you

The song, a real stunner amongst diamonds, is where Sufjan, over eight and a half minutes, reconciles his love, his grief, his fear, and his joy. While the title is maybe a bit sassy, there’s no bite or scathe to his lyrics, just a sense of honesty. Sufjan, backed by the five-piece chorus that’s been with him throughout the album, eventually turns to chanting his undying love, promising not to bring pain and grief to the party alone. The song fades out piece by piece, just as it was built: the strings go, then the horns, and finally it’s just Sufjan Stevens, a man in mourning, singing wordlessly.
“Shit Talk” doesn’t end the album - that honor belongs to a beautifully stripped-down rendition of Neil Young’s “There’s a World” - but it feels like the end of this step of the journey. Similarly, Homer never tells the story of Achilles’ death, choosing to end the story as the Trojans bury Hector. That’s because this wasn’t a story about how the Trojan Horse won the war or how Paris kills Achilles with an arrow - it was a story about a hero suffering the unthinkable and coming out of it wounded but markedly more human. Its purpose was to inspire people to love big and never run from their fights.
Sufjan may not have intended any of Javelin to graft onto the Iliad, but it’s all my mind could go when listening to it. His lyrics, sometimes dense and poetic and other times deceptively simple, seem to point to a lot of the same themes. And, much like I did when I first read Homer in high school, I realized I saw something of myself in it. I have loved Sufjan Stevens dearly since, coincidentally, about the time I was reading the Iliad in school, and there’s no question that his lyrics aren’t just about “being ‘derived from eros’”. There’s also no doubt that, as a gay man who loves another man so deeply, seeing him go through one of my biggest fears adds something to the experience.
The first question I asked in this piece: what could be left after death? Achilles was speaking somewhat of the spirit of Patroclus attempting to enter the underworld, but I think there’s more to it. Because here’s the thing about death… Yeah, it’s a bummer, and that’s why we fight back against it. Some of us make art, some of us have children. In one way or another, all of us love. The end of a life does not rescind love that has already been loved. That love is how we leave a mark that others will remember after we’re gone. And this album is full of things to remember. The moments that recall prior songs, the collage album cover… it’s all in service of agape, the all-connecting love.
I ask a lot of questions. “What would I do without you?” is a question I ask myself daily when my husband, the love of my life, makes me laugh or feel loved. It’s a question I don’t want to know the answer to. Sufjan Stevens, who has made us all feel so strongly all these years, now has the answer. And what does he do? He creates Javelin and shares it with us. Its beauty and intimacy feel like a gift, another act of love from its biggest champion. We’ve now shared in the love he thought he may lose, and instead of diluting it, it feels so big and overwhelmingly beautiful that nothing could change it.
We, of course, don’t know how Sufjan’s story is going to continue because these wounds are still fresh. But even if it ends tomorrow, we’re left with a remarkable album that asks us to never let life - or death - get in the way of love.

Favorite Lyrics

Let's scream 'til it's all forgot
Screaming words within
That spin without any cost
Kiss me with the fire of gods

• “My Little Red Fox”

Quit your antics
Put them at the foot of the bed
And set it on fire
I will always love you
But I cannot look at you

• “Shit Talk”

So here we stand in the dark
My eyes traveling to the spot
where you'd thrown yourself over the rocks
For if you'd not been so fast
There'd be blood in the place where you stood

• “Javelin (To Have and To Hold)”

So you are tired of me
So rest your head
Turning back all that we had in our life
While I return to death

• “So You Are Tired”

Talking Points

• Merry Christmas everybody! If you’re looking for a way to celebrate, might I suggest the recently posted Sufjan Stevens yule log, which contains all of his Christmas music?
• Sufjan loves referencing mythology in his music. What other parallels exist in Javelin? I am hardly an expert.
• As someone who’s not religious, Sufjan’s Christianity has always fascinated me because it doesn’t feel or sound like the Christianity that I met in my formative years. I’d love to hear a few words from believers reading this: how has his continued use of Christian themes on Javelin exists in conversation with your beliefs?
• Do you agree with me that this is ultimately an optimistic album?
• Genius user Chem4lyf could not be reached for comment.

***
A massive thank you to u/danitykane for knocking it out of the park once again with another stellar piece in our series. We hope everyone reading this has a healthy and safe holiday. Check back in with us tomorrow when u/traceitalian covers The National's First Two Pages of Frankenstein.

Completed Writings

Date	Artist	Album
12/4	Various Artists	The Barbie Movie Soundtrack
12/6	Home is Where	The Whaler
12/7	Strange Ranger	Pure Music
12/9	Ryuichi Sakamoto	12
12/10	CMAT	Crazymad, For Me
12/11	Hayden Pedigo	The Happiest Times I Ever Ignored
12/12	Aesop Rock	Integrated Tech Solutions
12/13	Protomartyr	Formal Growth in the Desert
12/14	Youth Lagoon	Heaven is a Junkyard
12/15	Can of Bliss	Myrtle Broadway & the Big Bang Theory
12/16	Arthur Russell	Picture of Bunny Rabbit
12/17	Sugar Cherry	Isn't It Wonderful
12/18	Sampha	Lahai
12/19	HMLTD	The Worm
12/20	Kabeaushé	Hold On To Deer Life, There's A Blcak Boy Behind You
12/21	WITCH	Zango
12/22	Joy Orbison	Archive 09-10
12/24	Noah Kahan	Stick Season

Thought this was super sweet. In one of my stories I ask my readers to recommend similar stories since it’s hard to find that trope. One of my readers recommended 2 and 1 of them I wrote 😅
Also if you guys have any falling into the world of the walking dead stories I’d love to read them please 🙏