Paramount: Deal Rumors Aside, What About The Operations? Can The Company Turn A Profit?
May 21, 2024 2:41 PM ET
Summary
Paramount Global remains my worst investment, but I still believe in its potential for success.
Paramount's "lack of scale" is not the reason for its underperformance as it spends about as much on content as industry leader Netflix.
Paramount's loss last year was largely the result of one-off writedowns, both domestically and internationally. These losses will not repeat going forward.
Paramount's streaming operation suffers not from lack of scale, but an abundance of overload waste, which may be alleviated under new management.
The sports slate remains best-in-class, and CBS is still the leader in broadcast scripted. CBS Television City in Los Angeles, Ca, USA. JHVEPhoto/iStock Editorial via Getty Images
Paramount Global (NASDAQ:PARA) (NASDAQ:PARAA) remains my worst investment. Let's just get that clear from the start. I said two years ago it was madness not to buy Paramount. That was wrong, wrong, wrong. The fact that I recommended against buying the new Warner Discovery at the same time, and heeding that warning saved a lot of money, makes me feel a little better, but not much.
And no, the fact that Warren Buffett made the exact same mistake as me doesn't help much, either. Mr. Buffett and I are about to part ways, anyway. He is now completely sold out of Paramount, while I am hanging in. Yes, I am still buying. Get all the ribbing out of your systems, and then read on.
Although a few rounds remain to be played in the game, it is no longer inconceivable that none of the various deal permutations that have been put forward for Paramount will pan out, and that it will continue as an independent company. Essentially, Redstone will block a deal with Apollo Global Management, Inc. (APO) and Sony Group Corporation (SONY) and the 'B' shareholders will litigate a Skydance deal to death.
Because so many Seeking Alpha articles are already offering a blow-by-blow analysis of the deal talks - and I absolutely encourage you to read them - I wanted to turn back for just a minute to a more in-depth look at Paramount's actual operations. If it stays independent, can it turn itself around?
Scale Is Not The Issue I'm angry. Usually, when an investment goes wrong, I can manage to be philosophical or even dispassionate about it. Risks of the trade, can't win 'em all, pick your maxim.
But this one is really getting to me. I'm sure part of that is simply the sheer amount of my portfolio that has suffered - I bet a lot more on Paramount than I did on my typical investment, so sure was I that it had the tools needed for success. Fortunately, some of my other media investments have worked out much, much better, or I'd really be hurting. In fact, my Netflix buy has repaired all the damage my Paramount buy has done.
Still, I'm unusually angry, partly because of the sheer amount lost. But it's also that I still don't believe there is anything wrong with Paramount, at its core. It has become quite commonplace to speak of Paramount's "lack of scale" as the reason for its apparent impending demise, or at least subsumption. But I would still argue that that isn't born out by the numbers. Paramount spent roughly $16 billion on content in 2023, the same total as 2022, when $4 billion of it was spent on streaming. That is only slightly less than Netflix, Inc. (NFLX) which leads the industry in market cap and performance, if not in spending. While the gap with other studio peers is larger, I'm not sure spending at Netflix levels equals a "lack of scale."
What's more, a lot of that extra spending by other traditional industry players like Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. (WBD) and The Walt Disney Company (DIS) is not spending that investors should necessarily cheer. As I've explained before, Paramount's lower spending total is almost entirely accounted for by its far more profitable approach to sports rights; a lot of that extra spending that Disney and Warner are doing isn't particularly profitable or even sensible.
What then, does account for Paramount's underperformance?
Stock Performance That depends on which underperformance you're talking about. First, the stock price. Paramount cut its dividend in spring 2023. That announcement, with its Q1 earnings, was enough to cause half of the past-year decline in a single day. Paramount went from $21 to $16 with the dividend cut and was still at $16 as late as December.
Since then, the other half of the decline has reflected the increasing evidence that Paramount is more or less ready to throw in the towel, and intends to be a distressed seller to another studio or private equity firm soon. More specifically, it is actually Shari Redstone, who exercises control over Paramount through her 77.3% share of Paramount's Class A voting stock, who is ready to call it quits. The perception that she has no leverage and will be forced to accept a fire sale offer has driven the stock lower.
Operations All that, however, merely explains the stock market decline; what is the operational explanation for Paramount's troubles? The company reported a $600 million loss for full year 2023. How is it that one of the Big Five movie studios, with the most popular of the Big Four broadcast networks, the most popular show on cable (Yellowstone) and the only profitable sports slate in American television, can't make money?
Accounting Element First, we need to acknowledge that there are some accounting factors in that 2023 loss. Paramount took a "programming charge," i.e., a write-down of the value of programming assets, of roughly $2.4 billion in Q1 and Q2 last year. That is money that would ordinarily be amortized over a period of years - it's mostly streaming originals, which Paramount usually amortizes over a 4-year period - that instead saw its red ink taken all at once. Had it been amortized normally, Paramount would have reported an operating profit of roughly $1.2 billion, more or less identical to 2022, instead of reporting an operating loss of the same amount.
Still, that write-down reflects the fact that the content isn't performing well, so those losses were always going to happen, and they're quite real; the accounting change is simply a timing issue. So Paramount is operationally deficient, even if perhaps not quite as operationally deficient as this one-time write-down makes it look. We cannot dismiss Paramount's operational issues by putting them down to accounting distortions.
TV Scripted Content Difficulties Paramount did not break down the programming charge, but outside reports have about half of it owing to the integration of Showtime in Paramount+ as a single service. It's not entirely clear which side of the ledger those losses are coming from; one of the less understood things about merging services is that it potentially makes content on both sides less valuable as it is replaced by more popular content from the other side. Showtime's Q1 2023 viewership was very top-heavy, with just two shows, Yellowjackets and Your Honor constituting 30% of all viewership. Presumably, those two shows reduced the value of some Paramount+ existing content while the rest of Showtime's library may have suffered from competition with P+ content.
Regardless of the exact source, Paramount's content is not performing. That's a little surprising considering that, as I said, CBS content is actually quite popular on the linear side. In fact, in the earnings call following the annual report now-former CEO Bob Bakish reported that CBS had the top 16 scripted programs and 18 of the top 20 in the first week of post-strike broadcasts. Paramount has disclosed in the past that CBS content makes up roughly half of the viewership on Paramount+; and this is despite the fact that P+ isn't even the sole beneficiary of CBS content; roughly $600 million per quarter of Paramount's licensing revenue comes from CBS shows as well.
One possibility that I perhaps did not consider sufficiently was the chance that the unique characteristics of CBS would make it harder for that channel to transition to streaming than its other broadcast peers. CBS is the most popular of all broadcast networks, but that popularity owes disproportionately to more elderly viewers; in the demo, it is actually Comcast Corporation's (CMCSA) NBC which takes the top crown.
With elderly viewers both less appealing to advertisers and less likely to make the transition to streaming, it is perhaps not so surprising that CBS is continuing to perform well on linear but having trouble translating that to streaming.
International Shortfall The damage isn't through yet, either. Paramount disclosed that it took another $1.2 billion impairment charge on content in the first quarter. This one has to do with the international side; a few years ago Paramount commissioned 150 new, original international shows and movies to try to boost international growth. Now, Paramount reveals that even international consumers spend no less than 90% of their time streaming Hollywood content; the local originals aren't doing very much for growth or retention.
About the only good thing that can be said about this complete and utter debacle is that it is a one-off; unlike Paramount's US content spending, which is ongoing and therefore must be made more efficient if Paramount is to survive and thrive, Paramount is gradually exiting International production. In fact, to help cover the losses on its international originals it is selling its share in Viacom18, the network that formerly served as Paramount's onshore operation in India, to its partner Reliance for a little over $500 million.
Where Are The Children? Yet another factor is children's programming. While many have essentially written off Paramount's entire cable channel group, and I agree the prognosis for MTV and Comedy Central is rather grim, I have argued that Nickelodeon remains a real asset, as one of the top two children's channels in linear TV. I believed that would be a powerful subscriber acquisition tool, alongside sports, as the streaming transition continued.
It hasn't worked out. Surveys consistently show the Big 3 for parents with children are Netflix, Disney, and the third is Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) of all things. Neither Paramount+ nor Warner Discovery's Max make the cut, despite ownership of top children's linear platforms/libraries Nickelodeon and Looney Tunes, respectively.
The prognosis here isn't entirely grim. Paramount has reported that half of their streaming subscribers touch kids' content regularly, so clearly Nickelodeon does mean something to the subscribers. It's possible it helps with retention, even if it doesn't drive acquisition. Paramount owns the number one brand for pre-school kids, Paw Patrol.
Paramount has shut down the separate Noggin streaming service and will presumably be amplifying the kids content on P+ as a result, so perhaps this trend will yet turn around. With so many other things going wrong, though, the inability to make kids content more central to the strategy is a painful blow.
The Mismanagement Of Streaming I suspect, however, that Paramount's single biggest defect over the past few years has been the competency of its management. In a streaming world, success hinges overwhelmingly on the efficiency with which a content budget is deployed. That efficiency, in turn, requires avoiding the trap of "overload," something cable doesn't have to worry about but which can kill a streaming service.
What Is Overload? In brief, overload is when a streaming service spends money on content that appeals primarily to those subscribers who were already subscribed and intending to remain subscribed, even without that content. Because revenue does not increase with more viewership, such spending is essentially wasted money. I have been arguing for several years that some economic models of streaming profitability fail to take account of this significant element.
Paramount seems to have had a lot of overload in the last few years. Specifically, its single most broadly appealing piece of content is the NFL, which Paramount is an anchor broadcaster for. Because NFL fans are accustomed to spending upwards of $100 a month on cable just to watch the NFL - over 10% of cable subscribers say that the NFL is the only reason they're still subscribing - Paramount's $6-$12 a month fee for streaming really doesn't need anything more than NFL games to attract these 40-50 million fans.
The Earnings Jaw-Dropper And yet, it seems that's where a lot of the extra streaming money has been going. On the Q2 earnings call last year, CEO Bob Bakish, watching the stock price steadily decline, seemed to be eager to reassure he had a handle on the situation and began describing some of the changes he'd be making. It started out well enough, really; he told investors that NFL viewers churn drops dramatically if they also engage with entertainment titles, which is what you'd expect.
But then, he stunned me and I expect just about everyone listening when he said, "we probably need to do less for [the NFL viewer] in the fall, and more outside the fall because we can rely on the NFL." Compounding the almost Looking Glass-feeling, he then went on to reassure everyone he would be "fine-tuning" the content strategy to address that point in the years to come.
It was, frankly, stunning. Both me and I suspect just about every analyst who was modeling Paramount had just assumed it went without saying that of course, any entertainment content targeted at retaining NFL viewers should drop in the other half of the year when the NFL wasn't playing on TV. My own calculations of the profit margin on CBS's NFL deal had always incorporated that.
And while that was bad enough, it also raised the concern that a management team that didn't understand that going in might have put a lot of other overload in other categories as well. Suddenly, it wasn't so hard to see how the best-scripted shop with the most profitable sports contracts was having trouble making money. Double-loading for 50 million households would be a major drag on the financial performance for streaming.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel Despite all of this, I still think there are bright spots in the Paramount picture, even without a merger. Its operations, as well as its merger discussions, don't seem to lack potential.

1: My Usual Paramount Bull Argument: Sports Profits

One thing that continues to go right is sports content. A few years ago, I wrote that Paramount was a strong contender to become a sustainable streaming business because it had the only profitable sports slate in the business. The stock hasn't gone where I wanted it to go, but that is the one part of my thesis that has been definitively borne out. In fact, many now say that it is CBS's sports deals, at least as much as Paramount's film/TV studio, that the prospective buyers of Paramount are after.
I've covered these in other articles already. The March Madness deal runs until 2032 and the NFL deal runs until 2033, although the NFL has an opt out after 2029 that it will probably exercise given the utterly ludicrous bids the NBA is receiving, so the last four years of that deal might have to be chopped off the profit projections. Even so, Paramount can probably generate $1.25 billion a year in profit just off of those two deals for the next six years.
Those are probably the biggest, but it doesn't stop there. Almost every sports deal Paramount has is profitable. For all the flak management has deservedly taken, Paramount continues to show discipline and focus on sports. You won't find Paramount throwing $2.5 billion a year at the NBA's 'B' package, which is more money than the NFL gets for its 'B' package despite having 10x the viewership.
For all its many, many missteps, a Paramount that can just manage to stay afloat long enough for some of these ludicrous sports bets at other companies to blow up may yet find itself with cards to play later in the decade.

2: Recouping Write-downs Via Preferred Conversion

Another small boon has been the official conversion of the preferred shares. The Paramount mandatory convertible formerly trading under the PARAP ticker was capped at 0.85 shares per common share. Given the initial price of the convertible at $100 per share, that effectively means that a preferred share that was carrying a $100 liquidation value has just been converted into 1.1765 shares of a common stock currently trading around $12. A total value per preferred share of around $14.
And they sold for $1 billion, so that's basically $860 million back into the common equity that management was able to get at the peak of the boom. That actually repairs almost all of the red ink from Paramount's doomed international originals push on its own.

3: An End To Streaming Waste

Finally, a lot of the waste in streaming may soon be ending. Bob Bakish was finally fired a few weeks ago, and while I never want someone to lose their job, he frankly had looked overmatched for a while. Bakish was a lifetime cable executive who seemed to be having trouble making the transition to a streaming-world mindset. Frankly, if I knew about it in 2021, the CEO has no business fine-tuning it into the strategy in 2023.
With international originals no longer draining the coffers and overloaded entertainment programming shifted to months of the calendar where it can be more productive, streaming may yet turn the corner.
Investment Summary I recognize fully that each fall in Paramount stock makes my bullish optimism seem ever more out of step. I do believe, however, that Paramount's failures are more failures of execution than lack of scale or structural disadvantage. Paramount CEO Bob Bakish simply wasn't up to the job. Ironically that wasn't what got him fired; Bakish was almost certainly fired for opposing Redstone's plan to enrich herself at the expense of other shareholders, probably the most competent thing he did in the last few years of his whole tenure.
Paramount has everything it needs to be successful; profitable sports contracts, which is just unbelievable in this day and age, a thriving scripted TV operation, and a viable, if recently somewhat mismanaged, streaming service. An end to overload waste, the continued exploitation of its favorable sports slate, throttling back unhelpful international originals and boosting kids content engagement may yet produce a different streaming picture going forward. Should older viewers start to get more comfortable with streaming going forward and following their favorite programs to Paramount+, that would just be icing on the cake.
It's been a depressing ride the last few years, but I'm sticking with Paramount.

3 BRIGHT colors....randomly scattered under "any old" bit of text.
Write some small, illegible sentences in the margins in ink.....use lots of exclamation marks.
Congratulations, you've "pre-studied" your Watchtower in about five minutes flat....AND....make sure to hold that sucker up nice and high as you sit in the middle row of the hall......so lots of "admiring" and "approving" eyes can see how spiritually strong and diligent you are.
If needs be, you can just "ad-lib" any old answer should you feel like putting your hand up, because hey....the material's hardly rocket science and is usually Uber-repetitive if you've been in attendance long enough.
Why bother?
To make things fun for yourself I guess.....
"Small victories".....

Im sure someone else as has mentioned this at some point but i cant help but notice the similarities between Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and The early FNAF timeline (games 1-6) both in main plot points and minute specific details. I am aware that it is not a perfect comaruson at all, just something i thought was interesting after studying the novel as well as watching the fnaf timeline videos. For example, in the beginning of the novel, Victor falls deep into his studies, becoming extremely obsessed and enraptured with the essence of life and mortality, more specifically how to extend and create life Much like William's experimentations and studies in robotics, shown through the blueprints etc. Seen in sister location in creating animatronics for the specific purpose of luring and capturing children for his experiments with remnant, experiments in bestowing life to a once inanimate creature, much like the creature created by Victor. Another way FNAF parallels with Mary Shelley's Frankenstien is through the death and distruction of the family unit due to the protagonists horrific actions, for Victor, this is through the tragic death of his younger brother William, (a funny coincidence but not the main point) a murder caused by his own creation, much like the death of the crying child in FNAF, as well as the death of Victor's best friend HENRY clerval, His wife ELIZABETH, his father and eventually himself as well as the extreme trauma bestowed on the only surviving member of the family who witnessed these horrors , Ernest. (another few strange coincidences that do not contribute at all to my point but i thought it was worth noting anyway. I am aware they are common names i just thought it was worth a note when compairing the parallels in thr two stories.) Similarly, William's experiments are also what ends up in the distruction of his family, causing the death of his youngest son, his daughter Elizabeth, the ALMOST death and extreme trauma of Michael due to his fathers experiments as well as the trauma bestowed on Henry through the loss of his daughter and being associated with someone who could commit such horrible acts, the loss of his wife (through divorce/separation or otherwise) and his own "death" once again at the hand of his own creation, his springlock suit. There are multiple other parallels and similarities i could call out but these were the most prominent that stood out to me while studying the novel. Im aware a lot of this is coincidental but as Frankenstien is considered the novel that completely changed the Horror genre i couldnt help but think if perhaps it unintentionally influenced the FNAF storyline. Again, im aware this is HIGHLY UNLIKELY but i just thought it was interesting to look into the parallels of two things that at a first glance could not be more different that turn out to have many more similarities beteen their underlying stories than at first glance. I'd love to know if anyone else has found something similar with other works of literature or film in the past, i think its a really facinating topic!
(Thanks to my english teacher for this idea btw, gotta love it when your teacher is not only a HUGE nerd but a theorist too)

I (19F) work as a before + after school counselor at an elementary school. It’s my first job ever, and I started last August. My supervisor (25M) has been very touchy with male students. (He is gay and single as well and acts this way with male students only).
He will play with their hair, tickle them, pick them up, sit them on his lap, lay down with them while playing with their hair, basically cuddling them. The children’s ages range from kindergarten (5) to fifth grade (10).
The student he says he has the most attachment to is a fifth grader (10M) that he met in third grade when he first moved to that site as a supervisor. He will actively seek that child to watch his grade activities during after care, he will call that child up to the sign-out and let the child use his (supervisor’s) own phone, while cuddling.
The parents of this child seem to be aware, from the interactions I’ve seen and heard, but they don’t seem concerned at all. This happens daily.
All of my past coworkers have not mentioned it at all. However, all the students know that that child is his favorite. A month ago, I got a new coworker (21F) who became like a friend to me. Today we were talking, and she brought up the topic of that fifth-grader. She told me how sketchy it seems as the supervisor will always be walking and hugging him. Not even five minutes later, our supervisor comes and sits down with us to chat with us. He mentions how sad he is that the fifth-grader is moving to middle school and leaving. He says on Friday he will be “attached by his side” and “crying, so pretend like he’s not the supervisor for the day.” My coworker and I look at each other. The supervisor then continues to say that he mentioned to the student if he doesn’t leave early tomorrow after graduation, he will buy the child ice cream and keep him in the front with him all afternoon. The mom then agreed and the child as well, according to the supervisor. Supervisor also said that he will pick up the child early from middle school just to hangout with him and take him for ice cream, or bring him back to the elementary school to stay with him.
Should I report this? It’s been happening all year, but this is the first time another coworker mentioned something.
Who do I report this to? The supervisor is friends with all the directors, and I’m scared of reporting, but nothing happens because I’m overreacting and then everyone knows I reported. The organization that we work for has STRICT rules on no hugging, touching, especially tickling or laying down with a student. The supervisor and I attended meetings together with that same topic.
What do I do??? Please help.

I've seen this girl at the gym before a few times and we've always locked eyes. This day I swear we were locking eyes every few minutes. When I noticed her taking a rest between sets, I walked up around her, smiled at her, and she smiled back, giving me the greenlight.
Very casual conversation, nothing I wouldn't say to another gym bro - 'Seen you around, just wanted to say hi'. Shook her hand and exchanged names. Asked her about her workout, her plans for the rest of the day (she had work), what she did for work. I told her I hoped to see her around and left to grab my bag from the locker.
Tbh I'm afraid I wasn't forward enough but for a girl I could see relatively often, I wanted to start off purely friendly and casual. On my way out, gave her a high five goodbye and she briefly held my hand before letting go. I'll ask for her number next time if the vibe is the same.
I appreciated her being so receptive and open. Girls - please make it a bit easier on guys you're into. If a guy's confident enough to hold eye contact and give a warm smile, a smile back goes a long way. Men are constantly fed all these horror stories (man vs bear in the forest type narratives) so a subtle invitation is always appreciated.

Given that information in other posts about available information(if looking for it perhaps, per se), regarding "alternative treatments" for the situation that may be associated with the idea of "depression" and or the other nutritional augmentation/modification related items are somewhat "lesser known" than more "conventional approaches"/"main stream approaches", why are the "main stream approaches" the "main stream approaches" as per majority of physicians etc., general public etc.?
One might argue that these specific referenced items of information in question being "less well known" than more "well trumpeted" items like pharmaceutical medications, etc., amounts to somewhat of a "betrayal" arguably; and hence one might be lead to ask one's self "who is involved" in the betrayal arguably? "What are the mechanisms" via which this "betrayal" is proliferated throughout society, in general?
Well, presumably, this betrayal would involve several key actors.
-Sources of Information,
and
-Framers of Information.
A "source" of said information could essentially be argued to entail/involve organizations like the main-stream-media and/or a run-of-the-mill mainstream medical providers arguably.
Hence one might wonder perhaps, where the source of said issue vis. there associated potential entities/individuals/there associated organizations may lie, perhaps.
To suss this out, one may be "well guided" to potentially asses the sources of revenue etc., for said organizations etc., as appropriate etc.; "Follow the Money", "Qui Bono" etc.(not necessarily always true but at times may be useful "guides" perhaps)
To work from the "ground up" one may hence be "well guided" to asses, for example, the revenue sources of Main Stream Media first, as this is most ubiquitous source for "medical advice" in general perhaps;
-Pharmaceutical companies within group of largest 5 ad spenders vis. main stream media;
https://www.fiercepharma.com/marketing/hey-big-spenders-pharma-ranks-top-five-industries-for-tv-media-spending-says-report
https://www.foxbusiness.com/money/which-pharma-brand-spends-the-most-on-tv
https://www.statista.com/statistics/953104/pharma-industry-tv-ad-spend-us/
-As is somewhat obvious media companies are in general, in some regard, directly or indirectly often effectively "advertising companies", in effect;
https://www.pewresearch.org/journalism/2014/03/26/revenue-sources-a-heavy-dependence-on-advertising/
Further, one can not truly reasonably expect to rely on main stream media coverage alone for decent medically oriented advice unfortunately perhaps in general.
None the less, fortuitously there are run of the mill health care providers. Hopefully they wouldn't have any conflicts of interest with financial behemoths like large pharmaceutical companies right?
Well, unfortunately pharmaceutical company money is very present in both the education of the average western-medicine oriented doctor, as well as in the environment which they may operate in, in a post college etc., "setting" if one will, etc.
For example;
Pharmaceutical companies' "presence" in Canadian medical schooling;
https://www.sootoday.com/around-ontario/canada-how-big-pharma-can-impact-the-education-of-med-school-students-1634906
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3778453/
In US, etc., as well;
https://time.com/6171999/big-pharma-clinical-data-doctors/
https://www.propublica.org/article/we-found-over-700-doctors-who-were-paid-more-than-a-million-dollars-by-drug-and-medical-device-companies
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19723256/
Well, if pharmaceutical company money is potentially "creating" "conflicts of interest" within medical schools, and among run of the mill doctors, well, certainly, regulators would call them out if they did anything "inappropriate" right?
Unfortunately, there may also be potential "conflicts of interest" present within regulators potentially as well. For example, via the "revolving door", and other there associated phenomena, as well as through funding and other more direct financial conflicts of interest as well; as may be documented via the following perhaps;
https://www.science.org/content/article/hidden-conflicts-pharma-payments-fda-advisers-after-drug-approvals-spark-ethical
https://www.science.org/content/article/fda-and-nih-let-clinical-trial-sponsors-keep-results-secret-and-break-law
https://www.hawaiipublicradio.org/npr-news/npr-news/2016-09-28/a-look-at-how-the-revolving-door-spins-from-fda-to-industry
https://web.archive.org/web/20240415060010/https://www.science.org/content/article/fda-s-revolving-door-companies-often-hire-agency-staffers-who-managed-their-successful
https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/how-corporate-funding-distorts-nih-research/2018/06/22/ad0260c8-7595-11e8-9780-b1dd6a09b549_story.html
Also, within there-associated research institutes/clinics/labs etc., the desire to secure sources-of-funding may also acutely draw in the influence of pharmaceutical companies into the "scientific research" process associated with the field of "medicine" if one will in general for example;
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9302569/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19858802/
https://www.propublica.org/article/federally-funded-health-researchers-disclose-at-least-188-million-in-conflicts-of-interest-can-you-trust-their-findings
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIsMldhzxns
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y_EkKhs5BQ
Further, within research institutions and research at Universities etc., people would only, even if unduly influenced by pharmaceutical industry or other industry finances etc., directly or indirectly, none the less behave ethically, and in an up-standing and competent way in regards to conducting their research right? They certainly wouldn't produce dubious "scientific" or otherwise "academic" oriented research perhaps right? Surely, they would be concerned with being called out, and the there-associated consequence for doing as such etc. perhaps?
Well, it turns out that quite a lot of modern "scientific research", even if "fancy" and "rigorous" in its supposed "methodologies" "verbiage" etc., is actually of "dubious" origin, and representative of something less than "integrity" and "excellence" potentially, lets just say seemingly;
A large amount of "scientific research papers" submitted to "Academic Journals", are later retracted, etc.;
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2024/feb/03/the-situation-has-become-appalling-fake-scientific-papers-push-research-credibility-to-crisis-point?ref=labnotes.org
Many, if not most of the scientific, etc., papers that clear the review process and are published, are later found to be un-reproducible, vis. results etc., outcomes etc., for "whatever reason", seemingly;
https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-39054778
https://www.sciencenews.org/article/cancer-biology-studies-research-replication-reproducibility
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Replication_crisis
Hence, from the education, to the research, to the regulation of the "medical industry" in the US, etc., one may find, arguably, objectively speaking, a relatively profoundly large presence of "pharmaceutical industry" financial influence involved in practically every stage of the; research, review of the research(if the "research" is even somewhat "legit" to begin with), govt. institution associated actions(for example; "Approval", etc.) associated with said associated "research", and one can even see said same organizations(Ph. Companies) similarly being the leading contributors to the main-stream-media associated "coverage"/"discussions" of said associated items, both directly, via advertising, and indirectly vis. implicit bias of said profit driven or funding driven main-stream media outlets etc.
Hence, arguably, the "influence"-of pharmaceutical companies' "motivations" may have a disproportionate and relatively overwhelming per se, influence upon the "medical" information that is presented-to, and made-easily available to the average member of the public in the "Western World" in general perhaps.
As an aside obviously, if one will, there are many other books, articles, research papers etc., which may somehow none the less, "make it through" this net of biases and still somehow report on it, if one will; on this, there associated variety of topics in question, which one may further perhaps research and analyze as to one's own preferences perhaps.

TLDR; I've adapted three personal meditation practices and I find them interesting and rewarding. I'd appreciate any feedback on them; if they are healthy or potentially impeding my practice. I call them "sphere of space", "the mollusk", and "music focus".
I've been practicing guided and silent meditation for 20 minutes a day for about five days per week for three months. Wondering how others relate to these three personal practices I've adapted.

1. Sphere of space: During the meditation opening, when there's mindful awareness of the present experience (investigative body scan, surrounding noises and sensations), I also "sense" the space around me, at least how I imagine or "feel" it to be. Usually I do about a three meter radius in all directions. The temperature, density, and movement of the air. Surrounding objects and living things.

When in a room, one interesting part of this is imagining what's below me. I feel my seat and the density of my body making contact with the cushion/floor. But then I imagine what is below that-- wood boards, crawl space, then dirt and rock, worms and roots, cold and dark. Sometimes I expand to a wider radius-- I imagine what's above me: sky, clouds, the thinning atmosphere and threshold of space. My cross-legged body just a speck stuck to the side of a beautiful celestial sphere.
Once I meditated in a mossy clearing in the woods. When investigating body sensations, I imagined I could feel down into the moss as if it was an extension of my nervous system. Then I "felt" it stretch all the way to the trees, up the trunks, to the tips of the branches-- again, as if an extension of myself. I don't believe there's any real/physical component to this, just imagination; I don't believe there's any real mechanism for the human mind to connect to other living things in this way. I am a fairly staunch scientific materialist. Still, the thought exercise felt really good. It felt like I was scratching a part of my brain I'd never felt. It was very peaceful and rewarding. I have theories on why it felt the way it did, but this post is getting too long.

1. The mollusk visualization: I've been getting better at breathwork. Now I can string together a few seconds of (what feels like) pure focus/awareness of breath, with my brain relieved of all other thought processes. Of course, this can sometimes be extremely challenging. When I have trouble concentrating, I add increasingly complex visualizations. For example, first I imagine a light in my chest growing brighter with breath-in and dimmer with breath-out. If I still have trouble, I'll imagine the light spinning faster with breath-in and slower with breath-out.

I found that instead of focusing on one point in the body like nostrils, chest, or abdomen, it helps to feel the body as a whole. Its hard to explain but it's like feeling the whole body at once, just a big blob of flesh, bones, and skin. Feeling my blood moving around, spreading to the capillaries just beneath the skin. Just an organic mass performing the simple task of respiration.
It reminded me of a mollusk, like a clam. Then I imagine the air is very dense and dark. Essentially I imagine I am a clam at the bottom of a deep ocean. My brain isn't doing much. The body is simple, anchored, in stasis. The breath-in and breath-out is all that need occur; the central nervous system is barely whispering. No thought. Just existing, stable, breathing. Then I reduce the visualization until I'm in that hyper-focused breathwork state.

1. Music focus: I'm very curious to hear what people think of this one. I LOVE music. I love music where it's actually musicians playing real instruments. I love "actively" listening to music. But when I started meditating, my active listening unlocked another level.

Seated with eyes closed, I attempt to actively listen to music. But REALLY concentrate. Focus on, say, just the guitar part. Holding that concentration on every little detail of the guitar. If my mind wanders, I gently bring it back. Then I move to other instruments. Then to the entire song as a whole. Just working on focusing my mind and not allowing any other thought processes to come in.
This may not be the formal way to practice concentration meditation. And I see it as sort of training wheels-- practicing the focus and the redirection from the wandering mind (or to allow the wandering thoughts to float away like bubbles while I stay behind). Eventually, I aim to do this with simply breath, or simply being. But can "music focus" meditation be counterproductive to my practice?
Those are my tidbits. Happy to hear any feedback and thanks for reading!

I’m new to Reddit, I don’t use it very often I just have it so I’m sorry if I’m not in the right sub page, if you guys think I should post in another page please let me know.
My bf(19m) left for basic and ait beginning of May and won’t be back until mid December, I’m also in the military and leave beginning of July and come back end of October. We have been together for over a year and we both have promise rings we gave to each other, we’re in a very serious, healthy, committed relationship and have both talked about marriage since it’s something we see in the long run.
Before he left we hung out a lot and I cried a lot, when he left I was okay and since then, I’m not sure how I’m feeling. I feel like we’re on a break? But we’re not, I feel like our relationship is on like pause and I’m not sure if it’s okay to feel like that because we’re not on a break. I’ve been writing him letters and sending them and I’ve gotten to call him for a couple of minutes on Sundays but that’s about it.
I’m scared that when he comes back we’re going to have to start from base 1 again, or like that he loses feelings for me because of how long we’ve been apart from each other, I’m not sure if I’m projecting, by no means have I thought about infidelity or anything like that, but I feel like my feelings towards him are on pause, I feel like everything having to do with our relationship is on pause and it’s a weird feeling. Even when I look back at pictures of us together I feel like it’s not real, like this past year and a half was just a dream or delusion.
If any couples have been in this situation could you please give me some advice? I really love this man and want us to be okay during this hardship in our relationship and just want to know how to deal with it. Or if anyone has an answer as in why I feel like our relationship is on pause I’d really appreciate that, I don’t know if it’s okay for me to think about it in that way. Any advice is greatly appreciated<3

Each game i have a moron who either steal my jungle creeps at the beginning of the game or who play 1/12 without any assist in the game.
And the team doesn't surrender with 3 votes so i have to sit there and wait fucking 20-30 minutes for this circus to end. Because guess what, I can't leave because I will be banned.
How am I supposed to have fun from such competition?
What am I supposed to do? Each match i have in my team players with 500-700 mmr. Right now I am sitting at 1320 mmr. And i just can't.

Hi Raven. I recently discovered your podcast and I have been enjoying listening to all of the stories. I’ve always believed in the paranormal but after my mom passed away 10 years ago I felt frustrated that I never “saw” her in a ghostly presence. Instead of visiting me this way I’d often have encounters with her moving things for me, specifically things that I thought that I had misplaced. It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I had my most vivid dream of her and I later realized that she came to me to warn me of a betrayal. My mom and I had a great relationship and I was devastated when she passed away when I was only 21 years old. My dad had not handled her illness and passing well and he was cheating on her while she was sick and continued to make poor decisions as soon as she was gone. This resulted in me having a very strained relationship with him.
At this point my mom had been passed for 8 years and at the time my relationship with my dad was great, he had remarried a few years ago and had 2 step daughters that just finished high school. I remember thinking that my dad was being so nice to me at the time and that he wanted to spend a lot of time with me and even finally gave me my mom’s jewelry after I had asked for years. Everything was peachy, right? So I was extremely disturbed when I had a dream on a Tuesday night that left me waking up in tears. In my dream my mom was angry with me, like very angry with me, but she wasn’t saying anything. I could just tell by looking at her. She then began stabbing me in the back repeatedly while staying silent.
I was so upset when I woke up, had I upset her? Was she mad at me?
A week later, exactly, my dad FaceTimed me (despite living 5 minutes from me) to tell me he was expecting a baby with his new wife. My dad is 63 years old and just had his first grand child. I was extremely distraught, angry, and disturbed.
That’s when I connected the dots with the dream and I reached out to my friend who was well versed in assessing dreams. She directed me to a book and told me that Wednesday is a common day for the dead visiting us, and that my dream was probably into the early hours of Wednesday.
I 100% believe that my mom was warning me of this serious betrayal - there’s more to the story of my dad’s lies, but he just wasn’t a good dad in many ways. The anger, the back stabbing, the silence, it was all a warning of the big bomb that he would soon drop on me.
Thanks for listening.

Dracula: World of War --- The Violet Reaper ---- Humans Don’t Make Good Familiars Book 1 ---- The Lonely World --- Discord ---- YouTube --- My Patreon --- My Author's Page --- ArcAngel98 Wiki ---- The Next Best Hero ---- HDMGF Book 2 ---- Jess and Blinx: The Wizard ---- The Questing Parties ---- Previous
It took a month for Zanwy to recover from losing her wing. The shaman said everything went well, but afterwards she developed a fever for three days, and couldn’t move from the pain for over a week. Even after the fever broke and the pain faded, she was still too weak to move, and could not eat for some time. I visited her every day, bringing her food, making sure she ate even a little, and peeling the chard scales off the wound to help it heal. The shaman never even returned once to check on Zanwy. Her parents and siblings stayed with her, but that may have only been because they lived there too. After she recovered her strength, we started making plans on what to do. She knew the swarm wouldn’t accept her anymore, and I never felt at peace within it, so our plan was to leave.
“Are you ready?” I asked Zanwy as we overlooked the cliff edge. Even though I could fly now, I was not strong enough to carry her, so she needed to climb down. Which, after a month of infrequent meals and not moving much, seemed risky. “We could wait a few more weeks. Until you recover.”
“No. I can’t stay here.” One claw after the other, her wing pressed tightly to her back so she didn’t catch an updraft and twist, her belly flat against the rock, and her head pointed to the ground, she climbed down carefully. Of course, I could have glided down, but I didn’t. It felt wrong now somehow. The rocks shadows had moved over an inch before we made it to the bottom, with the forest we loved so much as our first destination. We thought that maybe the first place we should go could be past the furthest point we’d gone together.
Walking through those familiar rolling grassy hills and past the jumper’s nests, I listened to these familiar sounds one last time. Taking it all in, I heard, of course, that penetrating roar of the swarm, but there was also the small wet splashes of the jumpers moving about, the small howl of the wind as it made waves in the tall grass, the crunch of that same grass under our claws as we walked, and Zanwy’s slight panting. She was out of breath, but was keeping quiet, hoping I wouldn’t notice.
Eventually, we reached the edge of the forest, and stopped to eat red-berries. We sat in the grass and ate the red-berries that had fallen out of the treetops. Once we’d had our fill, and juice dripped from our snouts, I asked Zanwy, “How do you feel?”
“Off balance. Walking is a lot harder than I remember it being.” Zanwy said, limping slightly.
“Can you climb?” I looked up to the branches we always run along.
“I… no. I don’t think so.”
“What if I helped you?”
“Maybe, but jumping along the branches would be hard.” A drop of berry juice ran down her mouth and landed on the grass as she licked her claws clean.
“Okay, we can just-”
“No, I wanna try.” Zanwy said.
Getting Zanwy up the tree truck was clumsy and hard. She rested her tail on my head as I climbed below her, pushing her up for support. It took a few minutes but she and I made it to the strong branches. The branch swayed with the wind, and Zanwy flared her one wing, before quickly realizing her mistake and pulling it, and herself, closer to the branch. Using my wings to balance myself, I walked over to her. “Should we go back down?”
“Not yet. Just let me…” She slowly stood back up, and kept her wing pressed to her body. The nub where her missing wing had once been pressed itself down too, mimicking the movements of the other like an invisible mirror. Pushing off, she jumped to another nearby branch, and landed safely on the other side. Once again, I heard heavy panting, but she couldn’t hide it as well right now. “See, I can do it!” Zanwy yelled excitedly as her tail swayed back and forth from the edge. I followed suit, and lept to the branch next to her. It took a while, but she found a rhythm, and we ran along the branches for nearly an hour, until the sun began to set.
“It’s almost night. Let’s find somewhere to sleep.” I suggested.
“Yeah, let’s head back to the ground.” Zanwy agreed.
“You don’t want to sleep in the trees?”
“No. Without my wing… I don’t wanna risk falling by accident. Do you mind sleeping with me on the ground?”
“Okay, let’s find somewhere safe.” We spent a few minutes looking around, and found a tree with a hollow spot near the base. It was cramped, but empty. By the time the moon rose we had already settled down. Zanwy rested closer to the back of the hollow, and I slept near the entrance.
“It’s cold.” She said, and yawned. Since we were under a tree, the walls of the hollow couldn’t be heated with fire directly. So slowly and carefully, Zanwy and I used our fire to heat the dirt under us instead. Small embers of grass charred, caught fire, and burned away, leaving the ground much warmer; enough for us to sleep comfortably.
That night, I dreamt of Zanwy. She was flying around, soaking up the sunlight with her wings. I was the too; flying right beside her. We danced in the sky together. Zipping and diving about. It was so quiet. It was just us; as a perfectly happy swarm of two. Later that night, I woke up feeling sluggish and dizzy. A moment later I realized how cold it had gotten, and that the heat from the ground had long since gone. Zanwy was still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her up.
Controlling flames is easy… to a point. But once something is on fire, you don’t control how it burns. That was something my father taught me when I breathed my first flame. The grass had already burned, so I assumed it could burn again. Because of that, I thought it would be safe to use more this time. I assumed wrong. One breath was all it took, and the walls turned yellow with fire. I tried to put it out by beating it with my tail and wings, but that only spread it faster.
“Zanwy! Get up!” I shouted. Dragons may be harder to burn, but enough fire can char and blacken even our scales.
Zanwy startled awake, “what’s going on? What happened!?” The flames started creeping closer, so she scrabbled to her and we both ran out of the hollow. It didn’t take long for the rest of the tree to burn, and for the fire to spread to the nearby trees. We ran away as fast as we could, the smell of smoke in our noses, and the sounds of crackling flames left behind us. Once we’d gotten safely out of the forest, I told Zanwy what happened.
“I’m sorry.” I told her.
“I guess the forest isn’t as used to fire as our nests are.” She said. She was upset, but was trying to not let me hear it. “Let’s just find someone else to sleep for tonight.” It was dark, but we could both see well enough to spot a rocky outcrop.
“Rocks are harder to burn than trees.” Zanwy said, crawling into an opening between the rocks. We crawled inside, and made sure there was nothing that could burn this time.
“Looks safe to heat these up.” I suggested. Zanwy agreed, and we spent several minutes making the place warm. “Much better.”
We finally got to sleep again after that, and woke up to beams of light hitting our eyes from the opening in the rocks. I rolled my head away from the light, and covered my eyes with my wings. I was all set to go back to sleep, until Zanwy said, “Woah… look at this, Blinx.”
Sliding one of my wings down, I peaked an eye open. With the sun out, the cave we were in became a lot brighter. Enough to see that it was much deeper than we’d realized. Zanwy, who’d slept further in than I did, noticed it first.
“This hole is really deep.” She said. “And it gets darker inside too. Do you wanna go explore it?”
I stood up, and my stomach growled. “Sure, but let’s eat first.” We left the cave in search of food. Outside, we found three things. One, some tasty slitherers under a big rock. Two, some water under another rock. And three, a burned down forest. Well, not the whole forest, but a lot of it that we could see. In the distance, white smoke rose into the sky from a few different places. A lot of the grass around the rocky area had been burnt up too.
“I guess we slept through the worst of it.” Zanwy said.
“Are the fires out now, at least?”
“Yeah, the smoke it white, so nothing’s burning anymore.” The was a moment of quiet, and I thought about how lucky we were to escape that tree in time, and how careless I was.
“I’m… sorry. We almost got hurt because of me.”
“Forget it. Name one dragon who hasn’t accidentally burned something with their breath. Let’s just go look at that cave. That’s why we left, right? To explore?” She said.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
The cave itself was very deep, and the walls were made of stones of lots of different colors. As we climbed down, we had to squeeze between rocks, and scrabble with our claws to make holes as we went deeper and deeper down. Eventually, the light from outside didn’t shine, but we could still see fairly well, though not as far, and without any colors. The cave quickly went from colorful, to just shades of gray. As we went along, the sounds of our claws on the stone did something strange. The sounds started happening several times, and coming from all around us.
“Do you hear that Zanwy?” I asked.
“Hear what?”
“Listen,” I said, and tapped the stone with my claw. Suddenly, the same tap came from above, below, and beside us; like a tiny swarm was clattering all around the rocks.
“Let me try.” She said, and scratched a stone. Once again, the sounds repeated. “Oh wow!” We decided to go deeper, and find out what was causing the sounds to do that. Eventually though, we entered a big open area in the cave.
“What is this?” I asked, hoping down into the area, and looking around.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the village of another species!” Zanwy said. “Hello!” She cried out with her mind in a way that any species could hear and understand, but there was no answer. As we continued to look around, we found all kinds of things. There were strangely small hard clay nests all around, but they were filled with tiny rocks and ash and mud. There were also lines of white mud on the ground. I followed them, and they led to the center of the ‘village’.
“Find anything?” Zanwy asked, walking over.
“No, but I am getting cold.”
“Yeah, it was much warmer aboveground.”
“Do you wanna warm up?”
“No, you go ahead, I’m going to keep looking around.” She said. As she walked away, I used my fire to warm up the rocks below me. Suddenly, light started to shine from the mud lines, revealing that I was standing on a large, circle with a strange pattern on it. The light got brighter and brighter, and I tried to run, but found that I couldn’t move. “Blinx!”
“Zanwy!” Without warning, I felt dizzy, and I could move again. Then I heard the sounds of something behind me, but it wasn’t Zanwy. Growly, I tried to make myself look bigger, and threatening. Whatever it was, it stood on two legs, and was rubbing its eyes. In its hand was a broken tree branch, with a rock at one end. The cave village had been filled with light, but it came from all around.
“What the?” The creature mumbled, looking at me. “Are you a dragon?” I growled at the creature, while looking around for Zanwy, but she wasn’t there.
“Who are you? Where’s Zanwy?” I demanded. I let the flames build up in my mouth to show that I was dangerous.
The creature grabbed her head. “Telepathy. That’s new. My name is Jess. I’m a wizard. Who are you?”

Traveling for work and everything wrapped up by about 2:15p. Naturally, I went to the hotel, got changed, and drove to one of the nearby golf courses. Walked in and talked to the guy in the pro shop “hey I’m a single, don’t have a tee time, when/where can I get on to walk 18?” He sets me up for a solo tee time in 20 minutes—great!
Spent about 15 minutes on the practice green struggling to figure out the green speed. I don’t have a stimpmeter, but I’m hammering putts and they’re only going 20-25 feet. I begin to pray for my wedge game to help me out around the green.
About 5 minutes before my tee time, I walk over to the first tee and there’s a group of 4 younger guys (late high school/early college) hanging around doing some practice swings on the tee box. They ask if I want to go ahead of them since I’m by myself. I say sure and take about 2 practice swings before teeing up.
I hit a pretty straight drive, not a ton of distance, and it rolls off the left side of the fairway—slight dog leg right. Walking up, it takes me a few minutes to find my ball, and when I finally found it, I look back and the guys on the box are hands on hips staring at me (probably wondering how I couldn’t find my ball).
I quickly estimate about 115y to the hole and quickly grab my A wedge (49°). Take one half swing and then line up. I hit it, it takes a clean bounce off the fringe, rolls towards the hole, and disappears.
I throw my club at my bag and start running to the hole with my hands in the air. As I get up to the green, I don’t see my ball, so I run up to the hole. MY FIRST EVER EAGLE!!
I look back at the tee box and all the dudes all have their hands in the air and are jumping around. They high-fived each other and I shouted out a THANK YEWWW and a ric flair WOOOO before running grabbing my club and bag to head to the next tee box.
The rest of the round? Carded a 10 on an easy par 5, two triple bogeys, and a few bogeys to finish at +15. The Golf Gods aren’t ready to let me have a sub-80 round just yet, but they let me have a 1h20m front 9 until I caught up with a league.
Thanks for reading!

So my friend is 24 minutes in game and i want to spectate if he is winning or loosing.
For some reason i have to wait 3min 30 sec for the spectate to begin. Also how is there no full screen client option in 2024. Also why cant we preview skins in the client, we have to go to youtube and look up what they look like to know what ur buying. Legit have these features on the mobile game. Why are we so against making league proper modern game?
Any thoughts on this?

Many moons ago I fell deeply in love with Twin Peaks, David Lynch, and everything surrounding it. Presented today on the 7^th anniversary of the premiere date of Twin Peaks: The Return, is an interview with the actress and homeowner of the Palmer house who graciously gave her time to answer some fan questions that have been haunting us for years.
Journey with me to find out some answers you wanted, some you didn’t know you wanted, and some you can’t believe you lived without knowing including how to tour the Palmer home yourself!
Questions by Luke Sweeting
Luke: How were you approached to be an actress in The Return?
Mary: I was standing in the kitchen making sure there were enough donuts and coffee for the few key people DL (David Lynch) brought with him on 2nd of 3 visits before filming, which was the 4th visit. DL came into the kitchen by himself and said, Mary, are you an actress, and I said No. He then said, “Have you ever acted?” I said I hadn't. He then asked, would you like to have a small part in the movie? I said, “Sure”, but was nervous and excited at the thought. He said that it wasn't for sure but that if it did move forward, I would be in my own home and to act naturally, in other words, just be me. He has been watching me interact with some of the people he had brought. I heard he does like to observe people and get a feel for how they interact, look and sound. It is key to him that the person fit the character he is trying to create. He said if it did happen, I would get my script and go to hair and make up with the other actors. He was already trying to make me feel comfortable right there on the spot which I found very empathetic of him.


Luke: Had you ever acted before?
Mary: I really had not acted before other than a few commercials for the local TV station I worked for back in the day, but never a speaking part. I looked at it as definitely out of my comfort zone but who would turn down this opportunity? It was also therapeutic as I was going through a very trying time in life, so it was good to channel those feelings into doing something fun.

Luke: Has anyone recognized you in public yet? If so, do they call you Mrs. Tremond or Chalfont?
Mary: I have been recognized a few times which is funny but kind of cool at the same time. I was called Mrs. Tremond, which made me laugh. That is also on my license plate; I had to take advantage of that:)

Luke: (I know this answer, but I feel people would love to know the answer too) Was being a David Lynch fan the reason you bought the house, or was this just a happy accident?
Mary: I knew about Twin Peaks and about DL before buying the house. It is not why my ex, and I purchased the house in September 2014. It needed a lot of work at the time. The previous owner we purchased it from was the woman who lived here the first time around when Twin Peaks was filmed here. That is quite a story in itself, and I really wanted to sit with her afterward and chat with her about it, but she passed a few months after purchase.

Luke: Was there ever a culture shock moment of realizing you bought THE Palmer house, or did that happen after The Return finished airing?
Mary: This house was our first home purchase and we moved to Everett because of the history, great old historic homes and how much more house we could get up here. This area of Rucker Hill has some great history and amazing houses. The man who built this house was one of the first pitchers for Seattle baseball. We heard rumblings of Twin Peaks returning but it was around 2 months after moving in that we were away for a bit and came home to a notice at the door from the location scout asking us to call him right away as they wanted to do a film here. It was a mystery as to what it would be, but we felt it was going to be Twin Peaks. The whole filming process, when our parts were going to be aired and everything about the Return was a mystery. They actually filmed the Finale at the very beginning, so I had no clue where it was going to fit into the whole Film. Filming was an amazing experience. They were here for approximately 2 weeks preparing the home for both the Hawk/Sarah scene and the Finale. It wasn't until the Finale was aired that I realized how cool this experience was in the whole scheme of things and the impact in the Return itself. I wish I could relax a bit more and soak it in again, just to relive the experience and really study the process. Each person here was so professional and fun to watch do their work with such expertise. I couldn't have asked for friendlier people.

Luke: How has the fandom treated you?
Mary: The fans are incredible. They have been extremely kind to me. They are great gift givers and just very authentic and genuine folks in love with Twin Peaks. I didn't realize how intense these fans were, but I truly get it. There is nothing like this ever made before and it set the stage for a lot of other great TV and film. The fans have been awesome and I have many great friends from this experience.

Luke: Is there anything you wish fans wouldn’t do?
Mary: The only thing I wish for fans is that they don't just walk up to the door at various hours of the day and night. It is private property and not a public place for people to peek in windows and walk the grounds. There have only been a few that have done this; the majority is very respectful to me and my home.

Luke: Is it ever scary to sleep in the proverbial Palmer house? Are there ever guests who stay over and become a little nervous?
Mary: I am not afraid in the least to stay here. I was a tad apprehensive when we first bought it, but like the lady who lived here before would say, "this is just my house." Now a few of the guests who have stayed, they were a bit nervous to sleep in Laura's room, but that may be because I have a life-sized Bob mannequin in the closet:)

Luke: I know that you’re gracious enough to let guests visit this mecca of ours, could you tell me and anyone interested about how and when to properly ask to visit? (You could also mention your favorite flowers or favorite wine? I know I’d feel bad showing up empty handed)

Mary: I prefer people get a hold of me on Messenger or IG or Twitter and ask to see the house, so I can make an appointment for them, especially since Everett is not that close to North Bend and Snoqualmie. I do now charge $25 for a 30-45 minute tour as I have done quite a few. I do love flowers and red wine. I have received some very incredible gifts from some fans which I am forever grateful for. The fans are so very thoughtful, and I have a little spot in my Palmer dining room where I proudly display some of the gifts and artwork.

Luke: I understand if you don’t want to answer this one. What does your role in Twin Peaks mean to you? To us fans I feel like it was the perfect subversion of expectations while also being incredibly meta.
Mary: There are 2 questions I can't answer and one of them is expanding on my character. I do, however, think it is cool to be an infamous Tremond!

Luke: How does it feel to be appreciated as a part of a now 30-year-old piece of media that will last forever and has influenced kids like me to make careers in film?
Mary: It is very humbling to be part of the TP mystique and genre. I am blessed and love being able to share a piece of it with fans who have never been able to see the Palmer House. The responses of people who visit is my gift. I love seeing their excitement and joy at walking through my door and each and every person is a joy for me. I have made great friends, learned wonderful theories and have listed to some reveal trauma in their own lives, which invites me into some very private parts of their lives. It has been a life changing experience for me, and I hope it has been for them as well.

Luke: Finally, what was it like working with David? Are there any fun tidbits or stories of how he directed you / that wonderfully haunting scene burned into our memories forever?


Mary: Working with DL was an incredible experience to say the least and very humbling and rewarding. He is a master filmmaker and director. The gift he gives is what we as individual viewers choose to take away from his art.

He is a wonderful director in that he ceases to tell you how to act, rather use your raw and organic natural emotions to drive the performance. I believe he knew I was going to be a bit anxious and guarded and most of all a bit nervous, which worked well for answering the door at night to 2 strangers. He tweaked a bit but left us to the scene and frankly Kyle and Sheryl would make most people look good. We only had 2 takes which was great. We practiced a bit outside before the scene which helped. Also meeting Kyle and Sheryl in hair and makeup was an introduction to them both that was organic and for me very helpful. I felt like I was acting already with 2 friends. DL and Kyle and Sheryl were very encouraging. DL knows what he wants and how to transfer his ideas out in the scene with great kindness and finesse and humor.

Luke: I’m sorry but I have to ask. Any hints to what was being spoken to you behind that menacing white door?
Mary: There were no hints of who was behind door other than me calling him Honey. He was supposedly answering my questions and then I was relaying answers to Kyle and Sheryl.

Sorry for typos I’m on my phone I 33f have never been my mums favourite. She had a terrible childhood and a horrific crime happened to her when she had me and my brother 35m. Unfortunately it affected her parenting we had a tough childhood to say the least. She also was constantly away from home drinking until she married for the second time leaving me to look after my siblings. 28f , 23f, 22m , 19f . When she married she settled down the youngest was four. Apart from 28f the others don’t remember the early years so don’t understand the work I put in with them.
Until recently I loved them all as of they are mine. I realised they dont feel the same. To the reason I’m writing.. I fell sick just before covid I have seven children I was in the icu for Months no form of contact no visitors and very out of it for the first three months were my mum was told I may not make it. I came out of hospital with no hair, my teeth were missing and i weighed five stone. My mum drank constantly and threatened me so I left and came home. She did look after my children whilst I was in hospital she reported my husband 49m and stopped him from having contact she spent all my money and told me she had enough (I get it , it’s a lot but she stopped them being with dad whilst I was out of it ) this is whilst I was powerless unable to walk bed bound in hospital. It took months after leaving to get off zimmer frames and crutches, then cranes. Threatened to put them in care.
We have had a very distant phone relationship with very few visits since she landed a very well paid job. Paid for all my siblings everything (six siblings including a step daughter ) she rarely calls me unless she has problems or my siblings do im very giving. Sent her money when she spent hers all on them. Sent her gifts spent loads on face sets etc .She sends all my siblings soo much money she has none herself. For the golden child she paid for a £25k wedding. A car l, the insurance, a holiday, now a deposit for a new house. She has seen her baby more than she has seen my almost two year old and is living with all the others. She also told my father figure that i should suffer like she did.
I am now unable to work suffer with chronic pain I have a zero immune system suffer sepsis’s twice a year and have two disabled children one who’s being diagnosed. I recently had financial issues (admittedly will be resolved this week and was upset) reached out frustrated and asked why she chose to cancel a promise of paying for my teeth to be done but will pay a deposit on a house for the sibling who’s wedding,pram ect she just paid for she screamed at me told me to fuckoff . Its my daughters birthday she is 12 on monday she was supposed to have her thursday and take her birthday shopping Friday she said we ain’t getting fuckall and she’s now not visiting because I told her im upset with the bias. Btw £175 of her her birthday money was from me she also has. A new lilac iPhone 11 and a full make up set including blenders and brushes (why a 12 year old wants it I don’t want to know but all her friends wear it to). I’ve decided to go no contact with all of my family. Due to the fake promise I put off dental work and feel like they purposely conspired to hurt me like when I was in hospital and they are out to destroy my mental health and well being there is no support i never get the offer to babysit my husband is left alone to deal with the kids when I’m in hospital I was close to the sister but feel she is happy she gets more when I have been waiting because I was told my teeth would be paid for so I cut her off. Also the rest of the family my mum pays off have said I’m being extremely entitled but I’ve waited months and been told it’s the best money she ever spent ect to be let down last minute I feel it’s cruel if id have continued going to the dentist I’d have my teeth fixed by now but worse she’s letting my child down so aita ?
Will update if anything changes

I came to this forum for the first time nearly two years ago. I was a few months into dating, and being idealised by my ex. I wanted to know what this disorder she continuously mentioned was about. I read the forewarnings, scoffed at the thought that it couldn't be me, doubted the credibility of this place, thought that the people here were bitter incels and thus continued on my way.
I then returned here again at the beginning of last year, devastated, devalued and heartbroken. I didn't know then that I was inches away from being discarded, smeared and stalked - but I had a group of you people here; sharing, reading, and acknowledging my reality with open arms, relating to my feelings in a way that nobody else did.
This forum has saved my life. A year ago, I was pointed towards numerous books and resources, including none other than “Whole Again” by the late Jackson Mackenzie. It put into words all of the insanity I couldn't comprehend. It also forewarned me of the hate-filled hoovering and stalking that was to come. The people here led me home to myself. In my reality, I've made new friends, started new work, ran a marathon in a brilliant time, composed and performed music from my grief and dated new people. It’s been a year and a half, and I'm only now just starting to feel healed, just now starting to feel like I am emerging from the arduous final tunnel of depression. I'm learning and improving every day and I'm finally at a stage of moderate indifference.
For a long time, this place was a relief for me. I'd read the stories here and take solace in the fact that it wasn't all my fault, that something bigger was at play here, and duly, so many of you have shared the frighteningly similar experiences, evocative messages, and abusive stories as I. I’ve hung around for a while, attempting to pay it forward to the next lot, to write what I can to offer my grain of solace to the next survivor. I'm thankful that I'm finally at that stage where this place does more harm than good. It’s no longer a relief, it draws me back into the noticeable darkness of rumination, the mindfuck minefield that is dating a pwBPD.
I'll leave you with one final note of wisdom as I take my leave and wish my heartfelt gratitude to every single one of you here:
It’s not you. No matter what they say, no matter what you do. It was never you and it was never your fault. They are unwell, and it takes so long to truly grasp that fact, but once you interpret what these people are, there's no going back. You can forgive yourselves. They are perpetual victims and they cannot hear you.
Untreated individuals with Cluster B personality disorders only have the capacity for themselves. There’s no actual witnessing going on between two people. You’re staring at an absence. Their personified proclamations of ‘bad other’ need to be sustained for them to stay a victim.
Your role dies the minute you no longer serve that.