Everyone in town is meeting at the saloon to listen to Lucas' radio "Easter Address." Rosemary suggests hypnotizing Lucas to see if he remembers who shot him, but Mei comments that hypnosis is unreliable. Lucas starts his address, announcing that Easter is a time for new beginnings (Elizabeth sneaks a quick look at Nathan, who glances back), the building of 1,000 new homes and apartments in Cape Fullerton, and that they are accepting bids to build a big resort in Hope Valley. Everyone claps enthusiastically. He finishes the address (must be the shortest address of any governor anywhere) announcing a new tradition: the Annual Easter Egg Hunt. More clapping.
As Elizabeth, Rosemary and Lee congratulate Lucas, Bill wanders over to Nathan and observes that Lucas and Elizabeth are being "very adult" about "things" (well, they are in the 30s, what do you expect?). Nathan's response, as he watches Elizabeth and Lucas talking, is a tight "I see that." Bill comments that things would be easier for Nathan if Lucas stayed in Capital City, but Nathan shrugs it off, saying, "It doesn't make any difference to me" -- while watching Elizabeth like a hawk. Elizabeth turns and smiles at him casually, and he puts a smile on his face, but then she turns away.
Afterwards, Nathan and Elizabeth are discussing the Easter Egg hunt -- apparently Lucas had some grandiose ideas, including having Edwin dress up as the Easter Bunny, but she had talked Lucas out of it. Nathan playfully chides her, "Oh, you're no fun!" to which Elizabeth protests that she is "lots of fun!" but that it's her job to remind Lucas to "keep things simple" (her job? Thought she was a teacher . . .) Nathan calls her out on it -- "So, he gave you an actual job?". to which Elizabeth responds, "Well, self-appointed . . . " Nathan thanks her for taking on the project, but observes she's going the wrong way to school. She's tells him that she's stopping by to pick up Little Jack from daycare so he can go dye Easter Eggs with the class -- Little Jack has expressed a wish to go to school, and reminds his mom that he will be starting school next year. Nathan offers to help with the hunt, and Elizabeth allows as how 'that would be nice . . . " but apparently can't think of anything else to say, except a weird, awkward laugh, and she hurries off.
Lucas is trying to round up a delegation to go talk to the mayor of Benson Hills about the land that was sold for the resort. He asks Bill to go, as acting mayor, but he refuses, but them remembers that Mike is the actual mayor. Mike refuses, because it appears that his overbearing sister, Maisie, is the mayor of Benson Hills and, as he readily admits to Lucas' teasing that he's afraid of her: "Yes! Yes, I am!" But in the end, Mike agrees to go with Lee riding shotgun.
At school, Elizabeth has to leave Jack for a moment to referee a squabble. Afterwards, Jack said he liked school, but it seemed like she was everyone's mom. Elizabeth reassures her that she may be everyone's teacher, but she is only his mother. Faith and Lily going them on their way back to daycare, and Faith tells Elizabeth she's never had so much fun.
Rosemary and Bill mull over evidence from the shooting, and notice the purported shooter's fingerprints only appear in one small spot of the gun. Their theory is that the shooter was framed --or is taking the fall for someone.
A woman (Juliette) pulls up in front of the saloon in a very expensive car and steps out. Bill is there, and scolds her tat she can't park there. She replies that she's a friend of the owner, so surely it will be ok. Lee corrects her that Lee is now the owner, but she dismisses his scolding with an airy "Well, I am behind the times, aren't I?' and sweeps past Bill into the salon, leaving him speechless. He follows her, trying to coax more information about her, but she easily avoids his questioning. Mike checks her in. and mispronounces her last name, and she corrects him: "Jeannette Aucoin". Bill remembers that he's heard the name -- "the Old widow Aucoin? Lucas' friend?" Jeannette smiles archly and say, "Well, I'm not sure I'd use those words!" At that point, Lucas walks up, incredulous: "Jeannette?" and invites her into his office, leaving Lee, Bill and Mike staring after her in fascination.
Lucas comments, accusingly, that she didn't tell him that she was coming, and she murmured "It was a surprise,", to which he disagrees, saying the only surprises he likes are the ones that he does. At first she tells him that she was expecting an invitation to his wedding with the 'cute schoolteacher" that was in the papers. but never received one . . . "Oh, oops, it was called off!" she adds coyly. He mutters that she should keep Elizabeth's name out of "this” We learn that she had been an information for the The Treasury (whatever that means), but she swears she’s gone straight, and is representing some investors in Cape Fullerton who want to bid for the resort. He tries to get her to leave, but she refuses, showing him her hotel key.
Elizabeth stops by the saloon to discuss Lucas’ insistence on providing chocolate bunny candy to the children at the Easter egg hunt. She sees Mike and asks if Lucas is available. Over he shoulder, Mike sees Lucas and Jeannette coming out of the office. Lucas sees Elizabeth and gives Mike a slight shake of the head, and Mike proceeds to distract Elizabeth with awkward observations about chocolate and what it has to do with Easter. Puzzled, Elizabeth agrees, but then begins to turn towards Lucas’ office. Manfully, Mike throws himself into the task of distracting her, as Lucas arranges for Jeannette’s luggage to be carried to her room and watches her ascend the stairs. As Elizabeth begins to leave, Lucas calls her name, and they begin to discuss chocolate bunnies, as he reassures her that he has already ordered the candies. Elizabeth objects to the large bunnies, and suggests that the children will be just fine with smaller bunnies. With anxious glances over his shoulder, Lucas agrees to change the order. Elizabeth asks him why he is looking so nervous, as Mike looks on (obviously curious as to Lucas’ answer!) and Lucas replies that he’s just very busy (eyes darting back and forth.) Elizabeth doesn’t press it, and bids him goodbye, telling him that she’ll see him at the egg hunt. As she leaves, Mike asks Lucas “Who WAS that . . .?” but Lucas cuts him off and tells him to tell anyone else that he is “unavailable.”
Minnie gives Joseph a sandwich for lunch, as they joke that the Bible class he is teaching has a lot of arguments. Angela observes that “Mrs Thornton said that every argument can be settled when people listen,” which Joseph readily agrees to, and then Cooper asks “Have you ever listened to your brother?” to which Joseph responds that Jacob doesn’t speak to him.
Mike and Lee are waiting for Maisie to arrive, as Lee remarks that Mike seems nervous. Maisi is escorted in by Edwin, and immediately launches into Mike, telling him “How many times have I told you that blue simply washes you out?” Mike laughs nervously and said, “Oh, about 150 million!” as he quickly embraces her. She looks over his shoulder and spots Lee, who introduces himself. She raises an eyebrow at Mike and says “Afraid to take me on by yourself, Michael?” Seated around a table, Maisie declares that the access road is on the Benson Hills side, “of course” and Mike says, “So, you’ll get ALL the tourists?” “Of course!’ she responds matter-of-factly. Mike says she can’t just declare it – the meeting is meant to be a negotiation, and suggests that they build two roads. Maisie declares that “This is NON-negotiable.” Mike is deflated, and Lee, listening to the back-and-forth, suggests coming back to the roads, and talk about the resort. “The resort will be known as the Benson Hills Resort,” Maisie declares with finality. Mike and Lee protest, pointing out that the resort is on Hope Valley land. Maisie says that they can’t possibly expect her to agree to her naming of the resort, and she says that she thinks the meeting is a complete waste of her time. Lee implores Mike “she’s your sister, YOU deal with her!’ but Mike sits back and says, “Oh, she’s going easy on us.” Maisie points out that the meeting is a waste of time because no one is considering the downside of the resort. Lee asks her what the downside is, and she responds “Who’s to say that this won’t become a magnet for undesirables? And rum-runners?” All three men snort in disbelief, as Edwin declares “This resort is for families!” Maisie points that that another nearby resort promised the same thing, “and look what happened there! A decent person can’t walk down the street in safety anymore!” She demands to know what guarantees they can offer that it won’t happen here. All three men look at each other, but no one can respond. Edwin suggests taking a break for the evening. “Or the week,” mutters Mike. “Or the year!” declares Lee, glaring at Maisie.
Cooper is writing a letter to their Uncle Jacob with Allie. Angela observes that Uncle Jacob probably doesn’t even know who they are, but Cooper says he is writing it pretending to be Joseph. Allie declares that her dad would be so mad if she did that, and Angela agrees,, but Cooper observes, “What the worst that can happen? They aren’t talking to each other anyway.” Allie warns him that his dad might stop talking to him.
That evening, as he is rubbing her feet, Lee tells Rosemary that Jeannette has arrived at the saloon. Rosemary doesn’t quite remember, and he reminds her of when Elizabeth was held hostage by Amos at the saloon – Jeannette had called Lucas to warn him about Amos. “She’s an old widow that Lucas helped out of a jam, isn’t she?” Lee rolls his eyes and tells Rosemary that Jeannette is anything but a helpless old lady. “She could be a screen siren!’ he says, to which Rosemary declares indignantly that SHE is the local”screen siren.” Lee hastily explains that Jeannette could be an actress, but Rosemary would always be the leading lady. Rosemary scoffs, but is pleased by the comparison. She observes that Lucas has not been entirely honest about his background – and she needs to talk to Elizabeth immediately! Lee reminds her that it’s the middle of the night and she’s wearing her nightgown. “What has that ever stopped me?” she asks, but he notes that Elizabeth is probably asleep and Little Jack certainly is. Rosemary relents.
Maisie stops by the pharmacy and is greeted by Mei. She orders an ice cream, and Mei is making conversation asking if Maisie is in town for the egg hunt. Maisie observes that Mei obviously knows all of the town folk if she can spot a stranger that quickly and complements her. Mike walks in, sees Maisie, and demands to know what she is doing there. Mei, confused, tells him “This is a customer!’ “No, she’s not!” he retorts, and Maisie introduces herself to Mei, who suddenly understands Mike’s abruptness. Mike puts two and two together and realizes that his mother has asked Maisie to check out Mike’s new girlfriend while she’s in town. Mei is rather pleased that Mike has told his mother about her. As Michael grasps her hand, Maisie tells Mike that he really should take Mei to meet their mother.
Nathan is helping Elizabeth hide Easter eggs. She says that she was good at hunting Easter eggs, but always shared (I wonder if her sisters remember it the same way . . . ) Nathan hides an egg high up in a trellis, and Elizabeth protests that it is too high for the little ones. Nathan things about it for a moment, then looks at Elizabeth and declares, “I think if someone wants something badly enough, they will find a way to get it.” (ooooh, double-entendre time . . . ). Elizabeth thinks about it for a moment, then replies, “What if there’s a chance they could get hurt?” (more double entendres . . . ) Nathan, matter-of-factly, answers her with “Well, I guess they just have to decide if it’s worth it or not.” Elizabeth avoids answering, and states “Well, a chocolate egg definitely isn’t worth it!” as she reaches for an empty bucket to stand on to retrieve the egg. In a completely silly and obvious-from-a- mile-away-maneuver, she reaches for the egg as Nathan warns her to be careful, and then slips off the bucket into his arms. Close embrace, wide eyes – and then they hear Allie calling and break away, flustered. Allie sees them standing close together, awkwardly, and asks when the egg hunt will start. “Soon!” they both assure her, as she gives them A Look and walks away. Elizabeth walks away, too, but Nathan replaces the egg high in the trellis.
Jeannette greets Lucas, who is reading the Valley Voice at breakfast, with a cheerful “Allo, cherie!” He suggests she should leave, but she refuses. He’s not interested in her investors. She protests that the are legitimate, but he insists that the hotel will be aboveboard, and that he’s changed – he’s not like her. “I’ve told you – I’ve changed, too” she says, leaning across the table just as Rosemary bustles into the saloon and to Lucas’ dismay, introduces herself to Jeannette, telling her that she’s become “quite the local legend around here!” “Have I?” Jeannette drawls. “What on earth have you been telling people about me?” she asks Lucas, who denies saying anything and tries to shoo Rosemary away. Rosemary stands her ground, stares at Jeannette, then turns to Lucas, asking, “You haven’t seen . . Elizabeth . . have you?” Jeannette is fascinated. “No, I have not,” responds Lucas politely, as Rosemary leaves. “Elizabeth? She’s the schoolteacher, isn’t she? Your erstwhile fiancee’? Jeannette observes. Lucas tells her that’s none of her concern, and that she should submit a bid, if she must, and then she can be on her way.
Rosemary hurries to tell Elizabeth that Jeannette Aucoin is in town to visit Lucas, but is cut short when children begin arriving for the Easter egg hunt. Lucas comes out to officially start the egg hunt, and as the kids scurry away, Elizabeth asks him if there is anything she should know about. Lucas tells her, “No, I don’t think so,” and keeps moving.
Mike is in the pharmacy, apologizing for his sister spying on Mei, but Mei tells him that she is flattered. Mike tells her that Maisie really likes her, but she makes him feel incompetent. Mei takes his coat lapels and tells him, firmly, that he is brilliant, capable and handsome – and they finally get their kiss.
Nathan is helping Little Jack hunt for eggs, as Elizabeth watches from afar. Picture perfect Hallmark moment.
Lucas is accompanying Jeannette out of the saloon, given her a receipt for her bid, ,and will let her know as soon as her investors pass a background check. She looks at him reproachfully and tells him that she still cares, “I am no longer living that life. Thank you for your bid, Miss Aucoin,” as he pointedly opens her car door for her. Silently, she glares at him, gets in and drives away – but stops in the middle of the street when she spies Elizabeth. She gets out and approaches Elizabeth, but Lucas can’t get to her quickly enough to stop her from introducing herself to a surprised Elizabeth. “We have something in common – you see, I was once engaged to Lucas Bouchard, too.” Elizabeth just smiles and says it is nice to meet her as she quickly looks at Lucas, who seems to be living a nightmare. Jeannette casually walks up to him and tells him goodbye, leaving forward to kiss him as he hastily turns his head away. Jeannette hops back in the car to leave, and Elizabeth, with a half-smile on her face, turns to Lucas. “Poor widow Jennette?” she asks with a grin. Nathan and Allie come around the corner just in time to see them in conversation as Elizabeth continues to question Lucas: “This is why you’ve been acting so strange? You didn’t want us to meet?” The children are returning from the hunt and are surrounding them as they talk. Lucas declares the hunt over
Rosemary and Elizabeth walk together after the egg hunt, and Rosemary observes that Elizabeth is taking “it” very well. Elizabeth wonders why Lucas never told her the truth about Jeannette, and Rosemary tells her it’s because he had her on a pedestal and didn’t want her to think badly of him. Elizabeth retorts that she doesn’t want to be on a pedestal, she likes her feet firmly on the ground. Rosemary asks if she isn’t glad to know about Jeannette, so she doesn’t have to worry about having broken Lucas’ heart. “His heart is a lot more resilient than that!’ Elizabeth declares.
Elizabeth comes down the stairs gingerly, listening to make sure Little Jack is asleep. She breathes a sigh of relief, but there a knock at the door: Nathan. He offers her the chocolate egg he hid, and told her that she was right, it was too hard for the kids to find, so he brought it to her, who had risked life and limb for it. She takes the egg gingerly, giggling, and their hands brush together. Holding the egg, she looks at him and tells him, “I guess sometimes the chocolate egg is worth the risk.” Nathan then brings up Jeannette, and Elizabeth admits that she was a little shocked. Nathan said he felt a little bad for Lucas “being caught out like that in front of everybody.” Suddenly Little Jack calls “Mama!” and the conversation stops as Elizabeth returns inside.
Back at the saloon, Lucas is reviewing Jeannette’s bid, and finds a picture of the two of them that she has slipped into the file. He sighs.

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77

★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74

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★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87

★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41

★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39

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★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28

★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15

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★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93

★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18

★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83

★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64

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★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41

★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25

★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80

★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96

★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79

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★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11

★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78

★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88

★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79

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★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05

★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24

★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42

★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37

★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66

★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18

★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13

★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26

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★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02

★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44

★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54

★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81

★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81

★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82

★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46

★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08

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★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48

★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12

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★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26

★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77

★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49

★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51

★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94

★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99

★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96

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★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92

★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03

★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22

★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40

★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46

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★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93

★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43

★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16

★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95

GLOVES

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67

★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33

★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88

★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66

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★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21

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★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00

★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28

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★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32

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★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01

★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55

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★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55

WEAPONS

AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95

AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95

M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43

AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38

StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64

P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03

AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00

M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48

AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97

StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96

StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85

Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42

AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. 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Most people with BED tend to eat any food could be “unhealthy” or “healthy” wtv you wanna call it. Anyways i’m not judging, I have this disorder myself. Mine looks a bit different though, and I haven’t yet seen anyone whom I can relate to. Short background, about end of sophomore year I developed BED due to quitting nic. I hadn’t eaten much when smoking, so therefore my body was unknowingly starved once I was off it. I would eat anything and everything. Eventually I gained a bit of weight. It wasn’t much for others to notice (from what they said) but it impacted me and my mental health tremendously. I then developed atypical anarexia later that year. Again I wasn’t big. My BMI was average, I definitely had a higher body fat % though. I hate calling myself midsize as it’s very triggering, but that’s what I am. Anyways after that I started to eat extremely healthy. Not orthorexia, I’d still eat things like SF chocolate chips, or atkins branded things. The only thing is I will binge it all. I will eat and eat all this food even though i’m getting all my daily protein, fiber, carbs, and fats in WITHOUT restricting. I’ve learned to forgive myself for each binge, as everyday is a new day, but I can’t stop. I’m trying so hard to love myself, because i’m more than my body. I want to get better, and I want to end this cycle with food. Please if anyone can relate, has been through this, or has tips, I could really use them. I want my life back.

Hey thread! I want some advice / input.
My husband had a boys trip planned to California (we live in GA - so a 6+ hr flight) and we mutually decided it was fine for him to go, but I was 35 weeks pregnant when he left, and deep down I was scared to be alone that weekend. I was sad he still wanted to go when I was so pregnant. I had my parents drive in from NC to be with me in case I went into labor during the time he was gone.
Before he left I asked him to please not smoke weed while in California. We both used to smoke but when we started trying for kids we made a pact to stop. We ended up getting in a huge fight the day he left bc he said he was “maybe” going to smoke while in Cali- I was heartbroken bc we made an agreement not to do it, especially the 9 months I’m pregnant. His response to me asking him not to is that I am being spiteful and selfish by asking him Not to. He has one last weekend where we can be with his “boys” and doesn’t want to be told What to do.
I told him if he smoked he would be disrespecting me and our pregnancy journey together.
Fast forward to picking him up from The airport and I asked if he smoked - he said he didn’t. When we got home I asked him Again and he came clean and said he did. He said all his friends made fun of me / him And whenever they offered him their pen they would say “you going to be disrespectful to XXXXXX (my name)”?
So now I’m not only hurt he did it but also his friends made fun of me & our situation.
He got mad I was so upset with him for smoking and said I’m selfish and need to get over it. He said hadn’t smoked in 8 months and one weekend isn’t that big of a deal. “I’m blowing the situation out of proportion.” He said he should have just lied to me and never told me bc I wouldn’t have known.
Am I crazy for being upset over this?
On top of it, the whole weekend he was gone my parents and I set up and finished the baby’s nursery bc he has had no desire to help With it the past 8 months and now that I’m 36 weeks, it needed to be done. So While he is getting high in cali I’m here doing all the work for our baby.
Lastly, he got home from Cali late Sunday- we fought Monday night about this & now tonight (Tuesday) he has a concert with his bros that he leaves me for…..and then another music festival Friday / Saturday.
I know im emotional being 9 months pregnant but am I crazy for being disappointed and upset with him for having all these social Plans and totally disregarding my wishes when he was in California? We are a few weeks away from our due date and I want to have time with him before the baby comes…. I feel like I’m not a priority anymore / more of a burden for him.
Would love another persons point of view bc I feel crazy. Thank you!

I’m jealous of all my brothers and I’m just gonna list it off starting with the youngest.
My Brother E (16), he was the popular kid in school. He knew everyone and everyone knew him and you know it’s thanks to him. I got out of my comfort zone even for a little bit but I know he had constant relationships with so many girls and he had lots of friendships more than me, after he died, I remember that one time after his funeral two girls who were sisters they went to his grave one day and they smoked a bowl at his Grave, Apparently he had a relationship with both of them and they both missed him, he was two years younger than me, and he was better at everything than Me. When he Was Here Girls Chased him and after he died those Girls Mourned him, He was very much better looking than me, shorter, and very fit.
My Brother A(18), I wouldn’t say He wasn’t Popular, but he was known by everybody, and he was friends with everybody. Everyone liked him, and he was good at making friends with everyone. He had more relationships than I can count. He’d be in a relationship and girls would be all over him. He’d break up and immediately get it with another girl, he was fast he skipped school to get laid one time and I tried covering for him. He was a bit on the bigger side. He wasn’t fat, was just big and taller than me obviously much more better looking than me.
My Brother J(21), he was very similar to A but but he is taller than me, much more thinner than me, he had more relationships I think, just as many as A or more, but something I noticed with him E, and, A is that girls chased All of them and I’d say for obvious reasons. They were all better looking than me they were extroverts and I better personalities than me.
I guess the reason I’m talking about that I’m talking about this is because my brother J is getting married this year. He’s one year younger than me, and he found his one. I’m happy for him, but I’m jealous they all got to live much more freely they did more in their Youth than I believe I can do in my life. They Have People/Had People Care About Them, and Respect them, and the Same cannot be said for me, Maybe it’s not too late for me but I’ve already lost hope for myself. I was invited to his wedding and I’m going to it but I’ve fallen in my depression again, by just thinking about this and I’m gaining weight and I stopped working out. I’m not motivated to work out anymore, I’ve already made it clear to myself that I’ve lost hope in myself, and I’m just gonna stay single, and die Alone.
Not a Great Mentality IK, but I don’t know what to do, I’m Sad Cause Alone, I’m Mad for not being like my Brothers and for Being Jealous of their Lives, I’m Depressed Because They did more than me, and I can’t Do the Same For Myself, I’ve Honestly been thinking about Making it until My Brothers Marriage Date, and After that if I don’t get Shown a Sign from God or The Universe on Why I Should Stay Alive, then I’ll End it.
I’m sorry for this depressing mess but I don’t have anyone else to talk to Cuz. I wouldn’t want to be selfish and talk about this to them.

My (41M) wife (39F) is battling depression and anxiety. She seems so mentally checked out of everything. She seems to be spiraling and I am feeling so hopeless. She announced that even though we have a blissful temple marriage of 20years, she needs a break from church because of too much stress it causes.. Any disagreement (even when justified such as behavior that is reckless or dangerous) seems to set her off, and she cannot handle the tiniest suggestion that perhaps she is contributing to a problem .
The most friction between us seems to be over our raising our young teen daughter. My wife seems to have become the caricature of an apathetic and best friend/ hipster parent. (The kind that lets the kids do anything they want and wants to be their friend more than an adult figure). Our daughter and her seem to be best buds and don’t believe in church, sweacuss, and in daughters case in a promoted relationship with a boy where they have engaged in it “all”.
My wife has stopped wearing garments. now drinks coffee (this is all within the last week😞), and fully intends to drink alcohol and go to a state where it’s legal to smoke marijana. All in an effort imo so she can “feel” something and/or not “feel” the stress and misery of her life. My heart breaks for my temple marriage. I love her and miss my solid partner and spouse. But my biggest concern is how to my daughter who she is all but encouraging a path opposite of the standards we’ve always lived.
What advice or guidance can you give me..is there something you can recommend for what to google for therapists (we have a marriage one, and individual ones already for my wife and daughter)? Heck do I need to hold an intervention? Honestly looking for something that is agnostic of the church but can advocate for my children from negligent/apathetic parenting..like a third party that can coach her to say “that’s fine if you want to be rebellious and reject the church etc etc…but as a parent this is not ok.”
tLDr: help. My wife needs help. I need help.. our daughter needs help.
-broken heart

So will call him J, J is one of my brothers friends. My brother asked if it would be possible to let J park his RV on our property as he was going through a rough divorce and needed a place to crash. We had the space at the back of our property, so we said yes. J was very kind and helpful up front. Helped with chores, did a few odd jobs, was polite. He told us that he was going through a nasty divorce. His story was that he lost his job and shortly after his wife kicked him out and wouldn't let him see the kids.
After a few weeks of my husband trying to help him find a job, I noticed my husband getting a little irritated. He said that he had tried to line J up with 6 different jobs, but J kept declining offers. J was a car sells man. My husband is a carpenter. My husband tried to set him up with a buddy that owns his own Steal erection's business, he'll take on any green guys as long as they commit to working with him, even helps them with tools. J declined. Tried to set him up with a local farmer driving trucks.. J declined. Husband offered to let him work with him, J said "carpentry wasn't his thing", Landscaping.. nope... you get the pattern.
My husband basically told him that he needs to suck it up, pick a job. All those jobs were decent pay, some had benefits. But I could tell the whole situation was getting under my husbands skin. The other night my husband said "I think there is more to his situation than he's telling us"
I work from home running a small business. J would hang out while I worked and we'd talk. He kept going on and on about how much he missed his kids, how terrible his wife was, and how no one understands him.
Well, his wife contacted me yesterday looking for him. Apparently he's not answering her calls. She was concerned for his well being. I found that odd seeing as how he lost his job and she tossed him out. Well.. that was not the whole story by a long shot.
Yes he lost his job, but not recently. He lost it over 8 mo ago. They have 3 small children at home. She's been working 2 jobs to keep up with bills. After he lost his job he just did nothing. Sat around and watched tv, gamed, drank, smoked pot. She has no clue why he lost his job, he wouldn't give her a straight answer. I aske if he had applied for unemployment, she said no, she asked him to, he kept saying he'd do it. She offered to do it for him, he blew up at her, so she dropped it. He never got it. He was spending money on alcohol and pot when they did not have the funds for. He wasn't helping out with chores, he wasn't helping with the kids. The final straw came when she got home after working 16 hours and found their 18 mo old in the same diaper he had on when she left. She knew it was the same one because they only had 3 diapers left, and all 3 were still there when she got home. She begged him to step up, he said some nasty things to her. She called her dad to see if he would watch the kids while she worked. Her dad came to stay with them. After about a week, her dad and J got into a pretty nasty fight. Her dad was pretty pissed that he had not found a job, wouldn't help with the kids, wouldn't help around the house. J told his wife that her dad had to leave or he was leaving. She told him he could leave if he wanted to, but she wasn't kicking her dad out because she had no one else to help with the kids. J left. He hasn't tried to contact her, hasn't tried to see the kids. She's been trying to contact him since he left, he hasn't responded. She sent me screen shots of all the missed calls and all the texts. It broke my heart, despite what she is going through, you can tell that she is very concerned about him and you can tell she still loves him. She has not filed for divorce, even though her dad is pushing her to do so.
So now he's on our property, and he's our problem it feels like. I did confront him, he said she was lying and trying to turn everyone against him. I pointed out he has had several opportunities to get a job, he keeps turning them down. And that does not sit well with me at all. I asked if his wife was working 2 jobs. He said yes. I asked about the kids, he said that his wife has high standards and that the kids where fine. I asked about the diaper incident, he said that he's not changing diapers on a kid who is old enough to pee in the toilet himself and that his wife should have had him potty trained by now. Being a mother myself, I had to walk away, the way he talked, what he was saying.. it felt like a total 180 to how he has been talking and behaving. He's in his RV. I've been stress cleaning and baking in my house.
Husband will be home soon and I don't know what's next. I don't appreciate being misled, or lied to. Had he told us the truth up front, we still would have let him stay under the conditions that he's getting help and looking for a job.
I don't think telling him to leave is the solution. I do think this guy is having some mental health issues. I'm not sure what the out of pocket costs would be to get him help. But we do have a vacation fund we could dip into. I just don't know what we should do next.
I do plan on going to see the wife, I thought maybe some homecooked freezer meals and treats would be nice. I plan on stopping and getting some diapers and basic groceries. Id like to see what I can help with, and to talk to her dad. Maybe together we can find a solution. I don't know if J has always been like this or if it was a sudden change in behavior. Regardless I feel like we should help if we can, but you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
I know I have a tendency to try and "save" everyone. I know I can't, but I feel obligated to try.
What would you do in our situation? Kick him out and offer help to the wife and kids, try and help both of them, or wash our hands of the whole situation?

So my parents finally had a divorce in 2020. I say "finally" because I saw it coming and honestly wanted them to. They have been fighting for years and other problems made me just want them to get a divorce because the tension was horrible.
They got a divorce because my dad fucked up, but my mom was the one to move out. For years now my mom has told me that if they ever got a divorce she would take me and my brother and we would live happily alone. But because she already found a new partner while the divorce was still in motion, me and my brother did not want to go live with her because she promised it would only be the three of us. It's childish, I know, but me and my brother have been through a lot.
So me and my brother live with my dad now and it's fucking awful. Even though my dad messed everything up he pretends to be the victim. He acts like we have to pity him. He has always had an alcohol problem but ever since the divorce it got worse. He would always say "your mother did this to me". My dad stopped receiving a bonus at work because he's been slacking off and we spiraled down a financial disaster. He actually quit his job a month ago, making me even more worried about our financial situation.
My mom has always done the cooking and cleaning around the house so when she left I had to take over. I taught myself how to do the laundry and I had experience doing the dishes but never liked doing it because it's gross. My cooking was sometimes good but ive never made something disgusting. I always made sure my brother had clean clothes to wear to school and I would even spend the little money I had to buy something if we really needed it. Where I always spent my money for pleasure I now have to use it like an adult.
So, about my dad... Yeah he's acting like the victim but he also acts in charge, and I mean he felt like he was the boss of EVERYTHING. We had to ask permission for things that didn't need permission. We weren't allowed to do the dishes. He would tell us to leave the dishes because he said he would do it. And because we were scared of him, we listened. The dishes would just pile up for days and when I decide I'd had enough I would do the dishes, only to get yelled at afterwards. Other chores and activities would have the same outcome.
We weren't allowed to be sad. If we had a bad day at school and just wanted to stay in our room and be upset, he would for some reason always accuse my mom for being the reason for all sadness. If we had a disagreement about something he would always say "Why don't you go live with your mother!" "Why am I the bad guy?" It's exhausting.
My dad obviously has a smoking and drinking problem. My mom was strict about the smell of smoke in the house but after she left, my dad didn't care and would smoke indoors and his room was full of askes. A teacher even asked me one day if I was smoking because I came to school smelling like smoke. My dad could easily drink 1.5 litres of alcohol everyday. He would start drinking early in the morning untill he went to sleep so he's never sober. It made me and my brother not want to hang out with him, which made my dad mad.
My dad was emotionally abusive. He never physically hurt us, but his words has a huge impact on us. My dad is the cause of our trust issues, our paranoia, and our insecurities.
We are not allowed to make jokes. We are not allowed to have friends over. We are not allowed to go out with friends. We are not allowed to take part in school activities. We are not allowed to be children. We are not allowed to talk seriously with him. We are not allowed to have problems.
I hate my dad, and I'm sure he hates us as well.
I just finished highschool, so you might think I can finally start my own life, but no, I'm not allowed to leave. I'm not allowed to go to uni. I'm not allowed to get a driver's license.
I'm stuck here

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I keep getting sinus infections, or what I’m assuming is sinus infections. I've stopped going to the doctoemergicare because the last time they didn't give me antibiotics. The last time I went they told me it probably wasn't a sinus infection because I didn't have a cold that led up to it and I'd only had it for 2-3 days at that point. The emergicare doctor just offered up that "some people have persistent sinus infections" and kind of just left it there and sent me on my way. It feels like it never 100% goes away, but it does become less noticeable. I just feel like I have a persistent runny nose and minor cough nowadays.
I started getting sick more frequently back at the beginning of December when I started working with elementary schoolers. This would seem like the dead giveaway for being sick, but I have been working with kids full time, primarily middle schoolers, since 2021. However, I've been working with kids since 2018 - I’m no stranger to getting sick from kids. I know that me working with elementary schoolers seems to be an indicator of why I’m sick (and it definitely has a large part to do with it!) but none of my coworkers are ever sick at the same time as me. I have coworkers who just started working with kids for the first time and they are not getting sick at all. I know that I’m getting sick from the kids, but no one else is. Furthermore, I consider myself to have a strong immune system, up until this point in time I typically would get sick ONCE a year and that was it, and it was always around the same time each year. The fact that I've gone from being sick once a year to 1-2x/month is truly wearing me out.
Since December, I have gotten what I think is a sinus infection at LEAST once a month, but sometimes twice a month. My most recent one was the second week of April. They are typically very fast to come on, I notice them because I get a feeling of post nasal drip in the back of my throat and within 12-24 hours I am full force sneezing, dealing with a simultaneous stuffy and runny nose, and blowing mucus out that is thick and yellow/green.
What is notable and concerning to me is that my mucus seems to have changed, which I can't seem to find anything online about. When I have previously had any problems with my sinuses my mucus just was not as thick or sticky. However, anymore all my mucus ever seems to be is thicker than it's been for the other 23 years of my life. I can go from being relatively okay on Monday morning to blowing out thick yellow mucus by Monday night.
I’m considering probably looking into making an appointment at an Eyes, Nose, and Throat doctor, but I'd love to know any formal input that anyone has prior to making said appointment. Honestly, just really looking for validation that I should be concerned. This seems abnormal but I can't find anything and don’t even fully know what I’m supposed to be searching for.
Information: 24F, 5'5, 265 lbs, white, no existing medical conditions or medications, no smoking (not ever or even once), no alcohol, no drugs.
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i used to smoke cigarettes socially, every other weekend or so, but i decided to quit since i know it’s not a good habit and because i was starting to like it every time i drank, now i can’t stop eating and i don’t know if it’s because i quit or what

Okay, so to make a long story less long, I bought a car from a local dealership in preparation of me passing my driving test. The purchase was completed on the 22nd January 2024. I'd since passed my driving test, 23rd February 2024, and had been using my car since the 26th of Feb up until 14th April 2024, the date of the incident.
Essentially, I was driving down the motorway and smoke started to billow from the bonnet of the car. Panicked as I was, and with smoke obscuring my entire view from my wind shield, I stuck my hazards on and came to a somewhat controlled stop whilst still on the motorway (this was in a section where there is no hard shoulder so I pulled up into the far left lane).
After turning off and vacating the car whilst grabbing my essential belongings, I kept a safe distance from the car as I rang the necessary services. There was actually an ambulance that pulled up behind me, where the paramedics helped me get my bearings.
Shortly after, the car bonnet caught completely alight, and soon the rest of the car as well.
Now, there were no warning signs that this was going to happen to me, no check engine light, lights on the dashboard or overheating issue that I was aware of. And in fact, the whole journey would've only been ~20 miles, got about 15 miles in.
The dealership I bought it from has a three month warranty, and considering I'd only actually been driving it for around 6/7 weeks, I didn't expect anything like this to happen.
Are there options for what I need to do when contacting the dealership? I've already spoken to my insurance company, and they're unable to do any investigation as the entire car is burned up.
EDIT - Further Context: I did contact the dealership once via email, and then followed up by phone a couple of days after it happened. This post is essentially asking for advice on navigating further conversations with them.

On 4/20, I decided to partake in the whole weed day because my girlfriend was at a concert with her friends and they were taking edibles. I don't even ingest weed/smoke weed ever, the only drug I've ever done was shrooms and that was a pleasant experience. This was the first time I've ever ingested THC. I had a 500mg edible and I split it in half... I had a friend who told me that was fine to do (he's heavily experienced so it would've been fine for him but... obviously not for me). I took the edible around 9pm and I was out with my friend at a park just hanging out, and then I suddenly felt like my whole body was tingling and my head was heavy. We immediately went back to his car and I was starting to worry I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was literally leaned over the ac vent taking deep breaths because I didn't want to pass out. My friend took me back to my room and I basically for the next 3-4 hours just was standing taking deep breaths, convinced that my heart was going to stop because of how fast it was beating. I genuinely have never felt anything like this ever in my entire life. I had tunnel vision, my heart rate had to have been a good 150 (i didn't even check my pulse I was worried to) my mouth was so dry I drank 11 water bottles and kept drinking as much water as I could to try and get it out of my system, I was also having chest pain ON TOP of the elevated heart rate. Then... the cherry on top... I start having hallucinations. I didn't stay in my room I walked around because I felt like walking around my college campus would be good for me, boy was I wrong. I was hallucinating weird things, for example, I was hallucinating there was this couple leaned on the outside of my dorm room kissing each other. I know it was a hallucinating because they were still there in the exact same position and spot when I came back. I also hallucinated when I went into the bathroom ... for some reason I was hallucinating that my girlfriend was cheating on me with someone else in the stall. I freaked out and ran in the stall to find no one there. After that, I decided to call my girlfriend because now I was convinced she was cheating on me with some guy, and when I called her she told me she was at her friends house because they just got home from the concert and she was staying the night. I just kept barraging her with questions like "WHO ARE YOU WITH?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW??" stuff like that. I swear you guys... I was also having auditory hallucinations that she was moaning at the end of all her sentences and it really made my anxiety worse. It was hell. I hated iI. I couldn't take it I hung up and just was convinced she was cheating on me. I went back to my room and took a melatonin and fell asleep. I woke up the next day STILL high. I didn't stop being high until 2 days after which is fucking insane to me. Anyway, the point of this post is that ever since April 20th, I've had anxiety that comes whenever I talk to my girlfriend at all or whenever I think about that night. I've been trying to not think about it and some days have been better than others, but I just don't know what to do. I just feel a deep sense of anxious attachment to her, if I'm not with her I feel like somethings up and even if I'm with her I feel anxious that she doesn't want to be with me. I'm genuinely suffering. Even when we're talking about how much we love each other, i still feel incredibly anxious. I want to ask how long this anxiety will last? I know it definitely fucked my brain up and it will probably take a little bit of time before I'm back to normal but I just want to get your guy's perspective on my situation. I would really appreciate the help. Thank you!

Number One: Searching
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In the area that I grew up in, there was a story about an old abandoned psychiatric hospital that supposedly housed some of the craziest people around. There were various stories about the place, most which were probably not true. But the most consistent one was that the place was closed down for malpractices. It was supposedly closed down in the 1960’s.
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The hospital was built way out of town in a rural setting. I always thought this was because they wanted to keep dangerous people away, but I have since learned that mentally ill people are not mostly dangerous. I mean some definitely are, but I don’t believe most are. I guess that maybe the country setting was to make it more tranquil for the patients.
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Well, my friend Eric and I had often talked about wanting to go out and try to find the old hospital. We supposed that it might be haunted and that would make it a lot more fun to try and explore. However, it was something that we talked about more than we actually went about doing. But finally, when we were both 16 years old, we decided to go out and actually try and find this place. Other teenagers had told us before that they had gone out there and had smoking and drinking parties. They even told us where to find it in case we ever wanted to go out and see it.
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The forests around the area that we lived in were pretty dense. But that didn’t stop Eric and I from trying to make it through them. We eventually came across a barbed wire fence with no trespassing signs on it. The other guys told us that indicated that we had reached the property that the hospital was on. So we knew that we were getting close.
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It didn’t take too long before we found the place. And it was pretty impressive when it did. The building was huge and definitely showed its age. But what surprised me the most was that all the windows seemed intact. I always pictured abandoned buildings with them all broken.
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We needed to find a way to get in though. To cover as much area as possible, we decided to go in opposite directions, looking for doors or broken windows. We didn’t want to break anything ourselves, because if we got caught, that would have just put us into even more trouble.
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I went to the back of the building and Eric went toward the front. We told each other that we would meet up on the other end of the building.
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I never made it to the other end of the building, however. After walking for a while on the back of the building, I came across something unexpected. I guess at a back entrance to the building, there was a van there. A couple men were by the van and looked like they were moving something. Two other men showed up, carrying something which they put in the back of the van.
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I didn’t want to get caught, so I quickly went back in the direction that I had come from. I realized that I would have to try to catch up with Eric rather than meet him at the end of the hospital.
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So, I made it around to the starting point and then started walking along the front of the building. There was no sign of Eric as I walked along the front of the building. My guess was that he had already made it to the other end. So, I just kept walking until I got over there.
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Imagine my surprise when Eric wasn’t there either. I crept around to the back side of the building and peered around. It looked like the men there had finished loading their van and were about to be on their way. Fortunately, for me, they drove off in the opposite direction. I had really been scared of getting caught.
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I felt safe, but I had to wonder where Eric was. This was the spot that we were supposed to have met up in, but he was nowhere to be seen. I looked around for him, thinking that he was looking for me, but I couldn’t find him. I wondered if he had gotten into the hospital, but I couldn’t figure out how he might have. The men who I came across locked up the entrance that they had been using. Plus, I couldn’t find any other way to get into the building.
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After looking for him for a while, I figured I should probably wait in one space. If he was also searching for me, then maybe constantly moving would have kept him from finding me. However, I waited a long time and he never showed up.
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I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to leave the area without my best friend. Also, I thought that he might have been in danger. But hours went by and he never showed up. Finally, I decided the best thing to do was go home and maybe get the police involved.
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The police looked in the area but were unable to find Eric either. I was worried that I would never see my best friend again.
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About two days after this happened, though, Eric did make it home. But whenever he was asked what had happened, he claimed he simply got lost in the woods. But I never believed that. Other than exploring the woods, he never talked about anything else. He never explained why he had left the hospital area to go back to the woods. He denied ever seeing the men that I had seen with the van. But when I brought it up, there was a look in his eyes that told me that he knew more than he was telling me. He had seen them and possibly interacted with him. I could tell by how scared he was when we talked about it.
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He never told me anything though other than “I got lost in the woods.”
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Number Two: Followed
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I had a really creepy experience once when I was out taking a hike. Although I was hiking in a national park, there were areas where one was not supposed to venture into. However, I always assumed that people would go out there anyway. Only hiking in areas that you are allowed to hike in is not very fun really. Although you could face a fine if you were caught by a ranger or someone in one of those areas, I figured that a little bit of money was worth the risk in order to have a fun adventure.
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I won’t name the park that I went through, but just know that it was a pretty large park and it’s not in the United States, if you were thinking that. But my plan was a five day hike through the woods. I did have a map of the area, so I was pretty confident that I wouldn’t get lost.
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So on the first day, I hike pretty deeply along the official trail. But when I found a good opportunity to get off trail, also by remembering the spot that I had gone off of, I went off into the forbidden area, so to speak.
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The first day was pretty uneventful. I mean, the hiking was good. But I didn’t run into anything strange befitting a scary story. It was just a normal and enjoyable hiking day.
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It was the second day that things began getting a little weird. I kept hearing noises that made me think that someone or something was also walking in the general area that I was in. It began making me nervous, thinking that someone may have caught me going off trail. But what was also worrisome is thinking that it might have been a dangerous wild animal of some sort. The possibility of running into a bear was pretty frightening and at least the park ranger wouldn’t try to kill me or anything.
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The noises continued throughout the day. I heard breaking twigs mostly. Whenever I heard one, I would quickly turn to look in the direction that they were coming from. But at least on that second day, I didn’t come across anything that I could see.
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The second night in my tent was a bit unsettling as well. I kept hearing noises that really indicated that someone might be stalking around outside. I looked out of the tent several times and even called out “hello” to see if anyone was there. I was past the point of thinking it might be a ranger because likely the ranger would have arrested me rather than just creep around me. So, a wild animal was the conclusion that I had come to. Eventually, I just had to fall asleep because I needed my rest to continue.
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It was the third day when I was out hiking that I finally noticed something. On this day, I had to sort of turn back in a curved direction to make it back to the trail so I could make it back home on the last day.
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I heard a twig snap again, and my head immediately shifted toward the direction of the noise. When it did, for a brief moment, I saw a man standing off in the distance. He quickly moved away and out of my sight. But there was no doubt that I had seen a man there. And like I mentioned before, he couldn’t have been a ranger. If he had been the source of all the noises that I had been hearing, that also meant that he had been following me for a while. That made me extremely nervous as I continued hiking.
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The occasional noise continued all through that day, but I never caught a glimpse of the guy again. When I made my camp and tried to relax for the night, I found that I couldn’t get very comfortable. My mind was just too focused on the guy that I had seen and wondered what he was up to. But eventually, despite still hearing occasional sounds such as the twigs breaking, I was able to sleep.
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I woke up to something very odd. My fire was burning outside my tent. I always put my fire out before going to sleep. I am a very responsible camper that way. Not only that, some of my food was missing. I kept everything rationed out exactly in order to have the right amount of food for the trip. It seemed really odd to me to even think that maybe the guy who I had seen might have started a fire and heated up some of my food. I mean, I guess I could understand if he was hungry, but he also could have asked or approached me.
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That fourth day, things began getting even worse than before. I was still hearing noises that made me think that the man was following me. But also, I had been catching more glimpses of him too. Whenever I shot my head around in the direction that I thought that I had heard him, I would see him for a second or so before he moved away. And each time it happened, it made me just hurry up further along the path. Whoever he was, he was acting strange and that meant that he might be dangerous.
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Going to sleep that night was so difficult. A few times, it seemed like something was hitting my tent. It was if someone was throwing pebbles at it or something. I began thinking that the man I had seen was getting bolder and bolder each night and that was not a good thing. However, this would be my last night in the woods, as by sometime the next day, I would be making it back to the official trail. Eventually, I fell off to sleep again.
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Well, getting up the fifth day was the worst of all. I didn’t have another fire or any missing food. But the hatchet that I brought with me to cut firewood was gone. I had kept that hatchet inside of my tent with me while I slept. It was hard to admit to myself the night before that I was really scared, but I was. So I had the hatchet with me for protection. It was gone though which meant if the man I was seeing took it, he had gotten into my tent somehow without me waking up.
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The last day was a little different than before. I didn’t really hear many noises and began to feel a little bit of relief. It seemed like maybe the whole thing was finally over. I was missing a hatchet and some food, but felt like there was no real harm done other than just being a little scared.
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However, at one point I finally heard a different noise. It was a loud chopping sound. And when I turned to see where it had come from, I got my best and longest glimpse of the man who had been following me the whole time. He had what I assumed was my hatchet and had thrust it into a tree. Then, he pulled it out while I was watching. He stood there with the hatchet and simply looked at me. This time, he made no attempt to move away and no attempt to hide from me.
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I didn’t know what to do except go along my way and hurry while doing so. I kept looking back over my shoulder to see if he was following me but I only saw him standing in the same spot until I was too far away to see him. He may not have been following me, but that didn’t keep me from walking as fast as I could. I wanted to get back to the official trail as quickly as I could.
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Maybe an hour after seeing him, I made it back to the trail. I then began following it, in order to get out of the woods. I did catch about two more glimpses of him, watching me from afar, but he made no attempt to come after me.
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I got out of the woods without any further problem. But the worst part of the whole story is that I couldn’t even report the guy for what he was doing. If I did, I would have had to admit that I had gone off trail. Besides, I wasn’t sure that anyone would believe me if I did tell them. Also, other than stealing the hatchet and the food and also being off trail, he hadn’t done anything wrong. But he was deliberately antagonizing me and I guess his message was very clear, to not go off the trail into his neck of the woods.
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Number Two: Mine
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I enjoy finding old caves and old abandoned mines to explore. For the most part, nothing scary or such happens when you explore these places. They can be creepy and make you nervous, but other than that, they aren’t anything special. And I am never really scared when I go exploring one of them because I have done it so much.
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The only time I ever got scared when exploring happened about 30 years ago. I had been researching and found a mine that I wanted to check out. It was a bit of a hike to get to it, as is often the case with these places. But, it is normally worth it for the experience.
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It took me a while to find this old place and when I did, I almost second guessed myself about trying to explore it. It was very rundown looking and it was very wet on the ground. I often try to avoid some of the places that are really wet like that.
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But I decided that I had come out all that way through the woods to find the place, so I might as well check it out a little bit.
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I went into the mine. I don’t recall offhand how deep it went, although I did know at the time. So, I wasn’t going in blind at all. If it got a lot wetter as I went into it, I could always turn around and be confident that I had given it my best try.
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It seemed to be fine as I went deeper and deeper and the water didn’t really rise up in any significant way. So I was enjoying myself.
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But then I began hearing this strange noise. I can’t really explain it exactly, but it was sort of like a clicking noise. Imagine someone taking a pen and flicking it against a blackboard over and over again. Then, combine that with the fact that I was in a mine and it was going to echo over and over again. That was what I was hearing and it got louder the deeper I went in there.
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I was really curious what the noise was and was already more excited about the experience than before. The noise was very consistent and it wasn’t like a dripping noise. It was a constant echoing clicking sound.
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I was following the sound when it suddenly stopped. I stopped too, but only because I was wondering why it had ceased.
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Then I heard a different sound. It was a growling sound, which also echoed off of the walls. It was a low, guttural growl that basically was telling me, “I don’t want you hear and I think you had better leave.”
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I wanted to turn and just run out of the mine. But, part of me thought that if this was a dangerous animal, it might then chase after me because I was acting like prey. So, rather then turn and run, I began slowly walking backward. I did that for a little while, while hearing the growling continue on and off.
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Hell, even when the growling ceased, I didn’t turn and run. I was too afraid to do that. I did eventually turn around, but I just kept walking very slowly until finally I made it out of the mine.
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Now, I didn’t really feel safe right away though. But I did hurry away once I had gotten out.
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I don’t know what I experienced there. I mean, I don’t know enough about animal growls to pick out what animal I might have offended. Plus, the clicking sound was something that I couldn’t explain at all. I wish that I had a tape recorder on me at the time so I could have recorded that, but I didn’t see the point of taking a recorder into a mine at the time.
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Whatever it was, I took its warning seriously and that was probably my best choice.

[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
Despite any number of arguments to the contrary, the do exist some true successors to the Builders scattered across the Arm.
Between Telkan’s immutable bravery, Leebaw’s undying resistance, Hesstla’s boundless resourcefulness, and Tukna’rn’s unyielding resolve, it is easy to forget that these particular qualities of the older additions to the Confederacy were largely unrealized or otherwise genetically suppressed before the brief intervention of the Builders in their defense against the Atrekna incursion across known space. The same holds in various degrees for the Mantids, Treana’ad, Pubvians, Lanaktallan, Wemtarrans, Converted Atrekna, Logical AWM, and every other race, construct, or group that ever came into contact with the Builders over their brief ten millennia among the stars.
In this way, even though the Builders themselves may have departed the cosmos after spending such a startlingly short time within it, their legacy lives on in the friends they found, the bonds they forged, and the remnants of the vast fleets of warsteel and wrath they commanded in the righteous crusades of the Confederacy of Allied Systems against those forces that would endeavor to defile and strip and maim the Malevolent Universe of its beauty against its wishes.
It is as if every instance of intelligent life in this Malevolent Universe carries deep within themselves some of the same qualities that made the Builders so uniquely perfectly suited to thrive within it, and yet the Builders somehow held the sole key to unlocking that final potential. One might even argue that this development was no accident, that the Malevolent Universe as a living organism had some hand in guaranteeing its own survival with the Builders functioning as some sort of self-propagating fire-and-forget antibody, designed solely to counter and repel the venom of the first Atrekna incursion in the First Precursor War. That is conjecture at best, and falls entirely beyond the scope of this discussion.
All we may know for sure is that our continued existence within the Arm, and indeed the Malevolent Universe as a whole, is that much safer for it. - Builder Scholar tannenbanannen in his foundational work The Builders Effect Upon Surviving Races, New Telkan Press, 22,893 PC3
"Come to me now in my time of need, Saint Jenkins, patron of the berserk charge. Guide my hands this day, make my aim straight and true, that I may gank these mobs and partake of thy blessing of the fried chicken of victory. In the name of the DPS, and the Tank, and the Healer. Buffs plz!" - Unknown, Third Phasic War, end of the Second Precursor War (est)
"My people believe that, so long as a name is spoken, the named is never truly gone. Whatever you are, wherever you are... if a J'tar'ka of questionably sound mind may ask a boon of you... please speak my name sometimes, that I may continue to be long after I am gone. Speak it wherever and whenever you are, so that, wherever or whenever I am, I will receive the strength to ensure your future.
"My name is Wuugndra Ax'mnev, and I love you." --Combat telemetry voice recording, discovered in rubble during reconstruction following the final TPS Breakout Event in System RH-8162. Dated to the last fifth of the Third Phasic War (confidence: 85%) Fate of either speaker has not been determined. (As transcribed by u/daviskendall)
MANDATORY VIEWING MESSAGE
"As Planetary Director For Life, it is my solemn duty to care for all of you within my sphere of authority. Are you or someone you know a Terran in distress? Help is available 30 hours a day, 8 days a week, at any time! The New Tnvaru Psychiatric Services can provide grief counseling in addition to many other services. Call or text at any time for an automated, digital sentience, or live being crisis counselor call, a counseling appointment at a clinic or other comfortable location or even a home visit! Let us help you as you have helped us. Call 800-273-8255, operators are standing by!" - Planetary Director For Life Namtotum speaking for the Terran Assistance Program, Post Terran Xenocide Event
END MANDATORY VIEWING MESSAGE
It isn't fair, I didn't do anything to deserve this!
My dog didn't deserve to get eaten by a bunch of Okies but here we are. - From "Conversations in Hell", author Bhro'oms'mo'o the Mad, Lanaktallan Great Galloping Press, 28,978 Post 2PW
Naxen sat, tapping the cutting bar against his armored leg, staring at Emry as the Digital Sentience highlighted the path through the massive space station.
"It's a stupid plan," Wrixet grumped, polishing the grav emitters on his grav-fist. He had the safety cover taken off so he could get at the emitters with the soft cloth.
"What's stupid about it?" D44 asked.
The Telkana still had not remembered her own name or anything about her life, while Naxen and Wrixet had remembered bits and pieces.
"We have to bring the main computer core online," Emry said. "This isn't a space ship, it's a non-orbital forward operations base."
"For a war that's been over for forty-thousand years," Naxen said. He ejected the salt block and shoved a new one in place, slapping it twice to seat it.
"Look, we get to the main computer arrays, we get them online, that will let us run the shade defenses according to the messages," Emry said. He shook his head. "And we have to blow the ansible. That's where the Shades are coming from."
Wrixet just picked up the high impact polyalloy cover for the front of the grav fist, buffing it on his pants leg.
"Once this hazard frame passes the tests, I'll be able to go with you," Emry said. He gave a smile. "I'll be robotic, so I'll have the advantage of strength and speed on my side."
"If you say so," Wrixet said. He snapped the poly-alloy cover back onto the grav fist, then snapped the maintenance plate back into place.
"Look, we get to the primary computer core, we fire the whole thing up," Emry said. "There should be copies of the dogboi howl in the computer, we can use that to get rid of the shades."
Wrixet just nodded. Naxen thumbed the trigger to check the telltales on the cutting bar, nodding along.
D44 looked doubtful, but nodded along.
"It's almost thirty kilometers to the computer core array section," Wrixet said without looking up. "Are we running the whole way?"
"It's a kilometer to the tram," Emry said. "We get on the tram, we ride ten kilometers, then we head through the passages for a kilometer."
"This sounds great," Naxen grumbled.
"It'll be fine," Emry said. "We've already got the red lights on, we've got salt and iron oxide doped H2O mist in the hallways. Nothing can go wrong."
"Great, now we're all going to die," Naxen grumped.
"It'll be fine. Trust me," Emry said.
Wrixet just grunted.
-----
"See, no Shades. The red is keeping them back," Emry said as the doors opened to reveal the tram-station pad.
Wrixet looked around the cavernous chamber. There were four monorail mag-rail tracks at this level, two more levels up, one level down. Each had a platform as well as an encased waiting room. Holograms winked and danced and flickered, the lights were dim and red.
There were no trams.
"No red," Naxen said.
Emry nodded. "That's why we're wearing armor," he said, his voice more confident than it had been.
A tram went by, the speed making the air shudder and thunder.
For a moment, Wrixet thought he saw... Wrathbound? Warbound?
Big blocky war machines all bound in chains inside the six cars that raced by.
"We'll go over to the covered waiting area, call a tram, then head to the core arrays," Emry said.
Wrixet just nodded, tapping the grav-fist against his thigh pauldron.
He kept looking around, looking at the dark areas, checking out the gaps between the red lights.
He could see things shifting, shadows warping and twisting.
While Emry and D44 went inside, Wrixet grabbed Naxen's arm, holding him at the entrance.
"See that?" Wrixet asked, nodding at the upper levels, where the walls of red hologram were tinged by something that made the red become streaked with wide strips of blue.
"Yeah," Naxen said. He thumbed the activation rocker switch on the Mark II Cutting Bar and the engine growled.
"Emry's forgetting, you can change the color of light with a different color light," Wrixet said.
"Same way we used to spoof the... the..." Naxen reached up and rubbed his face shield between his eyes. "Color. We'd spoof something with color and it would pop out... pop out..."
"Fizzystimes and narcobrews," Wrixet said. He looked at the Telkani he knew, just knew deep inside, was his lifelong friend. "I don't think we were Marines, Telk."
Naxen shook his head. "I don't think so either. I mean, I remembered some stuff about some fancy rifle, a grenade launcher, but beyond that, I don't remember any training or anything like that."
"Memories of military hardware feel more like school hypnotapes, you know?" Wrixet said.
Naxen nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Has that weird slick feeling to the memories."
"So... how did we end up here?" Wrixet asked.
There was a low humming noise as one of the tram-lines went live.
"Don't know, but whatever it was, someone hated our asses," Wrixet said. He chinned the button and started chewing the piece of stimgum. It felt like someone else's reflex that had been pushed into his brain.
"Tram Delta-Seventeen arriving on Track Nine-Alpha," a female voice said.
"Doesn't matter," Wrixet said. "All that matters is right now."
Naxen nodded. "Yeah," he looked back slyly and then at Wrixet. "D44 got some big milkers, don't she?"
Wrixet chuckled. "Yeah, yeah she does."
"Maybe after all this is over I can convince her to show them to me," Naxen said, smiling. Wrixet could hear the smile in his voice, even though the other Telkan was staring up into the darkness.
Emry and D44 rushed up, stopping next to them.
"Tram is five minutes out. Battery has to fast-charge and the power station has to load emergency reactors in it," Emry said. He smiled. "See, told you, no problem."
"Stop saying that," Wrixet snapped.
Emry frowned but went quiet.
"There's another ship docking," Emry said suddenly. He shook his head. "No transponder," he frowned. "Hellspace distortion is really making it hard to get any data," he shrugged. "Well, he have the Hellspace shields up now, so that'll help."
Nobody answered. D44 shifted over to stand closer to Wrixet and Naxen.
"Drali'imna," she said softly. "My name is Drali'imna. My friends call me Imna."
Both males nodded.
"Nice to meet you, Imna," Wrixet said.
The tram pulled in.
"Hold open the door, I'm going to attach a pair of emitters to the tram," Emry said.
Imna boarded, with Naxen, and Wrixet held the door open. Emry moved up to the front, slapping one low and one high, turning them on so they projected a hologram of a wall of crimson. He moved to the tram.
"Hold open the door, Wrixet," he looked inside. "D44, hold open the door for me on the other side."
Imna nodded, moving to the door and opening it, then leaning on the sensor.
Emry repeated it, ensuring that the front of the tram was covered by a red wall. He got on and motioned. "Get onboard."
Wrixet nodded, moving over and standing by the wall.
The tram pulled out, gaining speed rapidly. Wrixet kept one eye on the front of the tram, where he could see the red wall in front of the windows of the automated tram.
Naxen and Imna had their face shields together, using vibration conduction to talk to each other. Wrixet could tell Imna kept laughing. Emry kept staring at the map, tracking the blinking dot of the tram as it moved through the tunnels.
He wasn't sure what warned him. Maybe a slight color shift, maybe things had been going too well.
He reached out and grabbed Naxen and Imna, yanking them both back so they slammed into the wall next to him. Imna let out a squawk.
Naxen thumbed the cutting bar to life, looking around.
There was a wide blue streak through the middle of the red hologram.
Shades whipped through the middle of the car, screaming, scrabbling, trying to grab the quartet as the tram swept through them. Wrixet felt the outer muscle of his thigh erupt in pain, like someone had stuck a frozen knitting needle into the muscle.
Then the shades were gone.
"Must have been a cyan hologram emitter," Emry said. He lifted up one arm, an access panel open, and began tapping the keys. "Dammit, the tram uses a laser that's acting like cyan."
"Fix it!" Wrixet yelled as another group of shades swept through.
"I'm trying!" Emry yelled back.
The tram suddenly slid to a stop. The blue streak vanished.
Wrixet looked.
There were still some shades at the back of the far car. They were milling around, but Wrixet knew it would only be a few minutes before they spotted the quartet.
"Get off the tram!" Wrixet yelled as the doors snapped open.
Imna didn't even flinch, throwing herself out the door. Naxen grabbed Emry, pulling the heavy robot behind him.
"Door Charlie-Three!" Emry yelled, pulling loose of Naxen and running for the door.
Wrixet dropped a smoke grenade behind him as he ran, hearing it hiss as it put out reddish smoke laced with sodium and ferrous powder.
The run to the core computing array left him gasping, trying to breathe, the armor seeming to squeeze his chest.
Still, they reached it in less than ten minutes.
Emry hurried over to the main control panel that sat in front of a macroplas window, the computer server arrays behind it dark and silent.
Naxen was bent over, hacking and coughing. Imna had one hand against the wall, gasping, her other hand pressed against her belly. Wrixet was down on one knee, one fist pressed against the floor, head lifted, grav fist tight by his waist, as he struggled to control his breathing.
"Come on, come on," Emry said, hitting the buttons and switches. A screen flickered to life and the lights came on, dim, but still on. "Yes!" Emry put his hand against an induction port.
Data started streaming down the solitary active screen. More screen started powering up. The computer arrays started spooling up, the vast server farm warming up and coming online.
Emry turned to the trio of Telkan.
"I need the three of you to go down to Airlock Nineteen-Sigma," Emry said. "A ship's docking."
"How far is it?" Wrixet asked.
"Two kilometers," Emry made a tossing motion and Wrixet's helmet beeped. A map of crimson and silver appeared with a dotted line moving through the twisting labyrinth. "There, you'll be able to get there."
"What do you want us to do?" Naxen asked, slowly straightening up.
"Find out who it is. Let them know what's going on. Get them up to speed," Emry said. He smiled. "Be nice to have some more help."
"Yeah," Wrixet said.
It's never that easy, Telk, went through his mind. Not for people like us.
"We better get moving," Naxen said.
"Hurry," Emry said.
The trio moved out, Naxen still breathing hard. Imna was fine, recovering quickly.
Telkana were faster and recovered quicker from running than Telkani.
"Easy for him to tell us to hurry, he doesn't have to breathe," Imna griped.
Naxen just nodded, lifting his arms up over his head.
Wrixet just grunted.
They moved quickly, keeping an eye out for any shades.
"Airlock is cycling. Probably a Confederate Space Force vessel," Emry said in their headsets right as they reached the door for the interlock zone that was between the interior airlock door and a corridor.
"Right," Naxen said. He looked at Wrixet. "Be good to have some other people."
"It will," Imna said.
"Yeah," Wrixet felt cynicism well up. Not something new, but something that felt old and comfortable.
"Opening the door," Emry said.
"Wait, can you see..." Naxen started.
The door opened.
Inside the interlock zone were creatures.
Bipeds.
Spikes on the shoulders, on the forearms, down the back.
Fang toothed maws.
Black skin or shell, cracked all over with dark crimson burning sullenly deep in the cracks.
Red, malevolent eyes.
All staring at the trio.
"Inside?" Naxen finished.
The creatures inside all shrieked at the same time.
The grav fist snarled as Wrixet extended his arm out at a 45 degree angle to his body and activated the melee weapon even as he yelled.
"FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE, TELK!"
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My fiancé (30M, 6'2, 260lbs, lebanese / white) is stressing about this rash and discoloration on his hands. He has had eczema throughout his life but we don’t think this is related (but would be happy to be wrong!). Photos will be included in the comments.
A few months ago, it looked like he was getting eczema on both hands (not where the rash is, more on the back of his hand near his veins). His doctor prescribed more OTC cortisone cream (1%) alongside Trimcinolone Acetonide Cream (0.5%) at night and that helped.
Last Thursday we noticed the red rash in the picture. Friday he took another picture to compare if it was looking worse. Friday I made him call his regular doctor for an appointment yesterday, and we’ve been trying to get into a number of dermatologists in the area, but most are booked out. Now we’re concerned because of the general discoloration in his skin. The pharmacy warned him about the Trimcinolone Acetonide cream causing discoloration after extended use, so he only used it for 7-10 days at a time as needed, and then took a 7-10 day break. He doesn’t use it consistently.
Yesterday his PCP said it was a “mystery” and said to keep his hands moisturized with eucerin or aquaphor lotion. So we’re waiting until August to see a dermatologist but hoping for some ideas. Any and all comments are appreciated!
Since Thursday he has tried the following: Thursday night: Triamcinolone Acetonide Cream (0.5%) but it burned a little, so he did not use again Friday morning and night: HydroCortizone cream (1% OTC) with no noticeable change. Stopped using because he didn’t want to make it worse. Saturday and Sunday: Neosporin Ointment, because we thought it looked like a burn Yesterday and today: “Eucerin intensive repair lotion” 2x yesterday, 3x today
For background, Wednesday we were cleaning out my parents garage and there was a ton of mouse poop, but no other harsh chemicals. He does not drink, smoke, or use recreational drugs / substances. Does not take any other perscribed medication.

What if the trailer park boys did a new season heres my idea.
The boys are on there way to vancouver becuase ricky heard about a weed growing course to grow the worlds best weed and wants the secret. Julian he wants to tag along becuase theres a brewery he saw online thats for sale and he figures he can buy it cheap and get people to run it and make an easy buck another get rich quick scheme bubs wants to tag along becuase there's a huge concert he wants to go see. The show goes as this they stop in montreal while the shit box breaks down and they have poutine make maple syrup and all kinds of adventures in quebec then they stop in toronto and for a change everything goes.... good they have a night on the town like the hangover only no issues fun times then they hit a moose by the manitoba ontario border and spend part of an episode fishing and finding all sort of trouble (good chance to see aborginal actors in that neck of the woods being a manor aborginal area) then they finally make it to dog river where they break down again and hank is the man in charge of fixing there car brents his typical self making snide jokes and him and julian hit it off both realizing there the brains of there friends groups and hank and ricky get along with bubbles falling in love with lacie only to realize him and wanda have a lot in common oscars there and he keeps trying to get the boys arrested while davis loves the boys and overlooks any crime they commit and karen becomes buddies with julian who's just using her to keep the cops off his back all kinds of shenanigans happen he gets the corner gas guys to smoke weed after a crazy night the boys don't remember the corner gas guys decide rickys shit box is toast and decide to drive them to vancouver several episodes happen along the way and then they make it to vancouver lots more can be filled in but the basic idea for a canadian road trip is there maybe some of the old cast of famous canadian tv shows can be tossed in like letterkenny etc what does everyone think? It could even be an animated series.

I had a hemoglobin level of 5 about a month ago, & I was living like that for years, then I woke up one morning extremely bloated like a balloon, & my arms & legs were weak & any position I tried to lay in, I’d wake up gasping for breath or my blood pressure would instantly drop & then come back, I stayed like this for 2 days hoping it would just stop & it didn’t. So I went to hospital & they told me my hemoglobin was 5 but that my heart was fine bc my blood pressure & echocardiogram came back normal. So I got one bag of blood then signed out AMA.
When I went home, I completely deteriorated. It started with my heart not being able to beat strong enough when I layed down, especially flat on my back. (I have a really bad wound on my foot), I was retaining an insane amount of fluid & the more fluid I retained, the harder it was to find a position where my blood would circulate well enough, so I kept losing oxygen. The more oxygen I lost, the more issues I had. I couldn’t sleep for days trying to find the right position to get oxygen, it felt like I was suffocating or drowning in my own blood. If I was too exhausted and tried to force my body to stay in a position I wasn’t getting oxygen, my body would force me awake w a gasp or my limbs would just move on their own. If I found the right position & slept in it, I’d wake up feeling much better, but the second my body and organs were waking up, the issues would start again. If I forced myself to sleep in the positions I wasn’t getting oxygen & didn’t move regardless of my body trying to get me to, by morning i was experiencing hypoxia. I was dizzy, confused, had extreme difficulty breathing, it felt exactly what it feels like when you suffocate but you just aren’t dead. I was seeing flashes of white and floaties, I couldn’t talk right, I couldn’t think straight. So I began to think this was full on heart failure bc all the symptoms matched. I found out the fluid buildup is what was making it even harder for my blood to circulate & that indicated kidney issues bc it was holding onto any sodium I ingested & wasn’t doing enough to expel the fluids from my body, so I started taking over the counter diuretics to help & I stopped eating any sodium At all so my kidney wouldn’t hold onto it. The only position I was able to sit in was on my computer chair with my feet flat on the ground I could even lean left or right or move an inch. Everytime I urinated I was able to breathe a little easier. You could literally instantly feel the relief. I began taking supplements/ nutritious foods to help my body work. Iron, fish oil, potassium, beet juice, oranges, apples, avacados, fish, yogurt, bananas, carrot juice, pomegranate juice (organic), celery, & these were the only foods I was eating. When my blood pressure would get high, it would make everything instantly worse, much harder to breathe. I smoke 2 packs a day normally & I couldn’t smoke one drag of a cigarette without worsening my symptoms ten fold. I was scared to drink water or fluids bc my body would just hold on to them at normal levels, but I’d have no choice but to keep drinking enough to flush my kidneys bc they weren’t doing it on their own so I’d have to take a diuretic & keep drinking water until I urinated enough bc my kidneys weren’t cleaning the toxins from my system it was making my chest tighten and blood pressure issues to get worse. Once I’d urinate enough until it was clear colored, Id feel a lot better. My legs had gotten extremely extremely swollen and were holding most of the fluid in my body, my blood would pool, especially in the foot with the wound, I’d have to put my legs up and then down to help myself breathe, bc it was helping my blood to move. I looked up ways to get rid of fluid retention and found a lymphatic massage which I followed to get the fluid into my arms, & the next day when I woke up my arm was as big as my legs so I knew it actually worked which surprised me bc I didn’t think it would do much but I couldn’t get it to go to my right arm too bc I only have a right hand, my left arm is amputated from the elbow. It took some relief off my legs but not nearly enough and it actually made the breathing even worse bc now the fluid was closer to my lungs. I would not get a wink of sleep for days trying to find a position where I wasn’t suffocating, all that lack of oxygen was causing hypoxia & after ever time I experienced severe lack of oxygen & hypoxia, another organ would stop functioning as well. Anyway, after so long I flushed my kidneys so much that I was completely depleted of sodium. I know this bc over the course of about 18 hours I urinated 2 buckets, I literally could only rest for about 10-20 min before I would have to pee again and this was without any diuretics, at first I was okay with it bc the less fluids i had the better I felt & was able to breathe much better. (I forgot to add that by this point, my heart had gotten much worse and couldn’t even pump blood while I was sitting up, so finding a position by this point was nearly impossible) by the end I was so insanely tired of going to the bathroom and anything I tried to eat or drink would not absorb in my body it would just be peed right out. It was causing severe pressure in my brain, it felt like my brain was swelling. I threw up a bunch of beet juice. I had severe nausea. My head was pounding, I couldn’t stand up. Doing research through all of this was really hard for me with what i was going through, but i eventually realized it was hyponatremia and I just needed salt. So then I had to figure out how to balance the salt in my body which wasn’t as easy as it sounded. (I also went through symptoms days before of high acid in my blood which was another sign that my kidneys weren’t functioning properly, I took tums by accident while I was trying to figure out what was wrong and i instantly felt a little better that’s when I was able to find out sodium bicarbonate is needed to clean the acid out of your blood, so i also was taking that whenever I felt those symptoms) so for the salt, first I had just gotten some salami from the fridge and I would eat one piece at a time trying to slowly give myself salt throughout the day, I had complications w that, then I saw that you could drink Gatorade or anything with electrolytes to fix it, so my dad got me electrolyte drinks and after 3 of them I was feeling much much better, it says to them incorporate salt into your diet after you feel stable again, and I took that as eating the amount of salt I used to eat, which was dead wrong, I ended up eating a quarter of a burrito from chipotle & once again my brain felt like it was swelling & I had all the same symptoms again so I knew I messed up trying to balance for my kidneys again but this time was another bout of constant urine until it started to smell, the second it started smelling I suddenly couldn’t eat anything at all, anything I had been eating fruits, vegetables, even beet juice, even the smallest bit of an orange if I tried to eat it would make my chest tight, blood pressure spike, more pressure in my head. I was sitting on Komode in my room too sick to do research to figure out what was wrong this time, but after a while I was able to research low blood sugar, i wasn’t totally sure but I felt I was dying and I had to take a chance and I happened to have jolly ranchers in my desk right next to me and the second I put one in my mouth I started feeling better. So at that point I had figured out the issue was now my pancreas. I didn’t know much about pancreatic issues (I was gonna be a doctor before I dropped out of college so I am really good at anatomy) but my symptoms pointed to the pancreas. When there is too much pressure on the kidneys the pancreas apparently starts having issues too. The smell in my urine was amylase, I was having pain in my right front side and in the back, I couldn’t eat anything. So the treatment for that was to completely stop drinking fluids and eating completely. I did this for 24 hours hoping it would be enough then I only ate pancreas friendly foods which for me was pineapple, but it was too early to eat and it caused issues again. My blood sugar got low again and my dad gave me a spoon full of honey which made me feel better & ur supposed to have protein after to stabilize the sugar, my dumbass asked for eggs, forgetting the yolk has fats in it which you are not supposed to eat w pancreatic issues, so once I ate the eggs I felt bad again. By this time I was so fed up with my body not working and having consequences to every little thing I put in it, I was excessively hungry from all the fluid loss plus it’s another symptom of pancreatic issues, another symptom is irritability and anger, and I got so mad at my own body I decided to pretend nothing was wrong I just wanted to eat some walnuts and once again it made things worse making me more angry so my DA said f it is gonna smoke a cig while I’m at it & im not going to move all night looking for a position with oxygen so that night I severely severely deprived my body of oxygen. I was just soo soo beyond exhausted, when I woke up I had the worst hypoxia I had had so far. I knew the damage was wayyy too far gone now. I was full on suffocating no matter what position I was in, & I still refused to go to hospital and my dad was worried so he did some research and found something called boost oxygen it’s 95% inhalants oxygen and the second I started using it it brought back oxygen to my head, my foot, my left arm, my left artery was so tight I couldn’t move my neck to the left- it made that feel better too, all my extremities that were fully deprived of oxygen suddenly were feeling a lot better. It made my lungs work better too but it was still like I could feel the tissue death in them, like they were holding the normal amount of air but it felt weird…hard to explain. I knew I was gonna end up in the hospital soon. That night I ran out of the boost oxygen I fell right back into the hypoxia, my dad had to rush to Walgreens at 1130 at night to get more and I spent the next couple days using this oxygen to keep me hanging on by a thread. I woke up one of those days my stomach/abdomen was distended, I wasn’t digesting any food, I couldn’t urinate no matter how hard I tried, my organs were making gurgling noises, and this is the only part I’m unsure of. I was having severe pressure in my neck at this point for days, and now when I was sleeping or trying to sleep, my breathing would stop as if it was no longer involuntary, and I would have to manually breathe to get it going again, then it would happen again. I was also having sleep apnea during all of this. So at this point I was feeling like my lungs were going to collapse, and that finally made me scared enough to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. Yet once the emts came my blood pressure was normal and my pulse ox was 100, so they didn’t believe I was going through anything I was saying I did. Once I got to the hospital I had a male doctor & the second I told him I think I’m in organ failure he was combative and just wanted to prove me wrong and he condescendingly asked how I know that and anything I said he just didn’t believe. Then they did some blood tests and another male doctor came back and said none of my organs were in failure, my kidney & pancreas levels were slightly off but nothing crazy, they acted as if none of my symptoms made any sense especially since my pulse ox was normal. The only thing they could find wrong was my anemia level of 5 that I had been living with for 2-3 years. I told them to please test my heart, I figured it had to show up on at least an angiogram. They tested everything and said my heart was fine. They gave me 2 bags of blood and I was feeling a tonnn better but I was still feeling shortness of breath, pressure on my chest, everytime they injected anything into my iv even saline my chest would tighten, i was still getting bouts of dizziness, & every time I told them these issues they did nothing. Just “ok”, oh, your heartbeat is constantly rapid? Okay. Oh it feels like someone is pushing you into quicksand when you try to sleep? Ok. I talked to my doctor after they did every heart test and I was upset I said why is it that none of you care to explain any of my symptoms as if they didn’t and aren’t still happening? You only care about what you can see on a test, but that doesn’t change the fact i went through and am still feeling these symptoms. She said “we’ve done every test and there’s nothing wrong with your heart to explain your symptoms” I said ok I believe you there’s nothing wrong with my heart but is there anything at all that can explain the symptoms I’m having? And she pretty much said no or that these issues are hard and sometimes it takes longer for other symptoms to show up. So she completely gaslit me, and I started questioning myself. But when I got home from the hospital and remembered everything I went through the last month day by day I knew that I felt what I felt, so I went to read more about anemia and severely low anemia like I had explains my symptoms ALONE, yet none of them ever said that. When I told them I wasn’t getting enough oxygen they acted like it made no sense when it’s KNOWN hemoglobin carries oxygen to your body & when it’s low it makes the heart work harder and my hemoglobin was FIIIIVVVVEE. Like WDYM you don’t know why I’m having these symptoms? When my pulse ox came back 100 (which still confuses me as to how it could’ve been 100 when my hemoglobin was so low) they acted like my symptoms were so far fetched and how the more I read about it the more I’m insanely confused as to why they didn’t attribute my symptoms to my anemia? I get that I was wrong thinking my heart was in full failure, but anemia also causes heart DYSFUNCTION that is reversible once you get more blood. Some heart tests were before I got blood and some were after. My question is is there any reason my tests could have been coming up as normal? And why did my doctors act like my symptoms made no sense simply because my heart tests came up normal?
I know I waited much too long to get treatment, but it’s bc I truly hate dealing with doctors and nurses and not being listened to.

Hi I'm 57 and I don't feel old at all, I hear people my age whining all the time, I think where you ever young, I skateboarded in the 70's, danced in discos/nightclubs in the 80' took drugs smoked and drank (I still enjoy a beer), married and had kids in the 90's, decent job, but I've not stopped living yet, tough mudder at 45, parachute jump at 50 what's next who knows.
Happy to chat with all sexes
P.s. I'm not an adrenaline junkie nor an I trying to relive my youth, just not ready to give up yet.

I had a hemoglobin level of 5 about a month ago, & I was living like that for years, then I woke up one morning extremely bloated like a balloon, & my arms & legs were weak & any position I tried to lay in, I’d wake up gasping for breath or my blood pressure would instantly drop & then come back, I stayed like this for 2 days hoping it would just stop & it didn’t. So I went to hospital & they told me my hemoglobin was 5 but that my heart was fine bc my blood pressure & echocardiogram came back normal. So I got one bag of blood then signed out AMA.
When I went home, I completely deteriorated. It started with my heart not being able to beat strong enough when I layed down, especially flat on my back. (I have a really bad wound on my foot), I was retaining an insane amount of fluid & the more fluid I retained, the harder it was to find a position where my blood would circulate well enough, so I kept losing oxygen. The more oxygen I lost, the more issues I had. I couldn’t sleep for days trying to find the right position to get oxygen, it felt like I was suffocating or drowning in my own blood. If I was too exhausted and tried to force my body to stay in a position I wasn’t getting oxygen, my body would force me awake w a gasp or my limbs would just move on their own. If I found the right position & slept in it, I’d wake up feeling much better, but the second my body and organs were waking up, the issues would start again. If I forced myself to sleep in the positions I wasn’t getting oxygen & didn’t move regardless of my body trying to get me to, by morning i was experiencing hypoxia. I was dizzy, confused, had extreme difficulty breathing, it felt exactly what it feels like when you suffocate but you just aren’t dead. I was seeing flashes of white and floaties, I couldn’t talk right, I couldn’t think straight. So I began to think this was full on heart failure bc all the symptoms matched. I found out the fluid buildup is what was making it even harder for my blood to circulate & that indicated kidney issues bc it was holding onto any sodium I ingested & wasn’t doing enough to expel the fluids from my body, so I started taking over the counter diuretics to help & I stopped eating any sodium At all so my kidney wouldn’t hold onto it. The only position I was able to sit in was on my computer chair with my feet flat on the ground I could even lean left or right or move an inch. Everytime I urinated I was able to breathe a little easier. You could literally instantly feel the relief. I began taking supplements/ nutritious foods to help my body work. Iron, fish oil, potassium, beet juice, oranges, apples, avacados, fish, yogurt, bananas, carrot juice, pomegranate juice (organic), celery, & these were the only foods I was eating. When my blood pressure would get high, it would make everything instantly worse, much harder to breathe. I smoke 2 packs a day normally & I couldn’t smoke one drag of a cigarette without worsening my symptoms ten fold. I was scared to drink water or fluids bc my body would just hold on to them at normal levels, but I’d have no choice but to keep drinking enough to flush my kidneys bc they weren’t doing it on their own so I’d have to take a diuretic & keep drinking water until I urinated enough bc my kidneys weren’t cleaning the toxins from my system it was making my chest tighten and blood pressure issues to get worse. Once I’d urinate enough until it was clear colored, Id feel a lot better. My legs had gotten extremely extremely swollen and were holding most of the fluid in my body, my blood would pool, especially in the foot with the wound, I’d have to put my legs up and then down to help myself breathe, bc it was helping my blood to move. I looked up ways to get rid of fluid retention and found a lymphatic massage which I followed to get the fluid into my arms, & the next day when I woke up my arm was as big as my legs so I knew it actually worked which surprised me bc I didn’t think it would do much but I couldn’t get it to go to my right arm too bc I only have a right hand, my left arm is amputated from the elbow. It took some relief off my legs but not nearly enough and it actually made the breathing even worse bc now the fluid was closer to my lungs. I would not get a wink of sleep for days trying to find a position where I wasn’t suffocating, all that lack of oxygen was causing hypoxia & after ever time I experienced severe lack of oxygen & hypoxia, another organ would stop functioning as well. Anyway, after so long I flushed my kidneys so much that I was completely depleted of sodium. I know this bc over the course of about 18 hours I urinated 2 buckets, I literally could only rest for about 10-20 min before I would have to pee again and this was without any diuretics, at first I was okay with it bc the less fluids i had the better I felt & was able to breathe much better. (I forgot to add that by this point, my heart had gotten much worse and couldn’t even pump blood while I was sitting up, so finding a position by this point was nearly impossible) by the end I was so insanely tired of going to the bathroom and anything I tried to eat or drink would not absorb in my body it would just be peed right out. It was causing severe pressure in my brain, it felt like my brain was swelling. I threw up a bunch of beet juice. I had severe nausea. My head was pounding, I couldn’t stand up. Doing research through all of this was really hard for me with what i was going through, but i eventually realized it was hyponatremia and I just needed salt. So then I had to figure out how to balance the salt in my body which wasn’t as easy as it sounded. (I also went through symptoms days before of high acid in my blood which was another sign that my kidneys weren’t functioning properly, I took tums by accident while I was trying to figure out what was wrong and i instantly felt a little better that’s when I was able to find out sodium bicarbonate is needed to clean the acid out of your blood, so i also was taking that whenever I felt those symptoms) so for the salt, first I had just gotten some salami from the fridge and I would eat one piece at a time trying to slowly give myself salt throughout the day, I had complications w that, then I saw that you could drink Gatorade or anything with electrolytes to fix it, so my dad got me electrolyte drinks and after 3 of them I was feeling much much better, it says to them incorporate salt into your diet after you feel stable again, and I took that as eating the amount of salt I used to eat, which was dead wrong, I ended up eating a quarter of a burrito from chipotle & once again my brain felt like it was swelling & I had all the same symptoms again so I knew I messed up trying to balance for my kidneys again but this time was another bout of constant urine until it started to smell, the second it started smelling I suddenly couldn’t eat anything at all, anything I had been eating fruits, vegetables, even beet juice, even the smallest bit of an orange if I tried to eat it would make my chest tight, blood pressure spike, more pressure in my head. I was sitting on Komode in my room too sick to do research to figure out what was wrong this time, but after a while I was able to research low blood sugar, i wasn’t totally sure but I felt I was dying and I had to take a chance and I happened to have jolly ranchers in my desk right next to me and the second I put one in my mouth I started feeling better. So at that point I had figured out the issue was now my pancreas. I didn’t know much about pancreatic issues (I was gonna be a doctor before I dropped out of college so I am really good at anatomy) but my symptoms pointed to the pancreas. When there is too much pressure on the kidneys the pancreas apparently starts having issues too. The smell in my urine was amylase, I was having pain in my right front side and in the back, I couldn’t eat anything. So the treatment for that was to completely stop drinking fluids and eating completely. I did this for 24 hours hoping it would be enough then I only ate pancreas friendly foods which for me was pineapple, but it was too early to eat and it caused issues again. My blood sugar got low again and my dad gave me a spoon full of honey which made me feel better & ur supposed to have protein after to stabilize the sugar, my dumbass asked for eggs, forgetting the yolk has fats in it which you are not supposed to eat w pancreatic issues, so once I ate the eggs I felt bad again. By this time I was so fed up with my body not working and having consequences to every little thing I put in it, I was excessively hungry from all the fluid loss plus it’s another symptom of pancreatic issues, another symptom is irritability and anger, and I got so mad at my own body I decided to pretend nothing was wrong I just wanted to eat some walnuts and once again it made things worse making me more angry so my DA said f it is gonna smoke a cig while I’m at it & im not going to move all night looking for a position with oxygen so that night I severely severely deprived my body of oxygen. I was just soo soo beyond exhausted, when I woke up I had the worst hypoxia I had had so far. I knew the damage was wayyy too far gone now. I was full on suffocating no matter what position I was in, & I still refused to go to hospital and my dad was worried so he did some research and found something called boost oxygen it’s 95% inhalants oxygen and the second I started using it it brought back oxygen to my head, my foot, my left arm, my left artery was so tight I couldn’t move my neck to the left- it made that feel better too, all my extremities that were fully deprived of oxygen suddenly were feeling a lot better. It made my lungs work better too but it was still like I could feel the tissue death in them, like they were holding the normal amount of air but it felt weird…hard to explain. I knew I was gonna end up in the hospital soon. That night I ran out of the boost oxygen I fell right back into the hypoxia, my dad had to rush to Walgreens at 1130 at night to get more and I spent the next couple days using this oxygen to keep me hanging on by a thread. I woke up one of those days my stomach/abdomen was distended, I wasn’t digesting any food, I couldn’t urinate no matter how hard I tried, my organs were making gurgling noises, and this is the only part I’m unsure of. I was having severe pressure in my neck at this point for days, and now when I was sleeping or trying to sleep, my breathing would stop as if it was no longer involuntary, and I would have to manually breathe to get it going again, then it would happen again. I was also having sleep apnea during all of this. So at this point I was feeling like my lungs were going to collapse, and that finally made me scared enough to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. Yet once the emts came my blood pressure was normal and my pulse ox was 100, so they didn’t believe I was going through anything I was saying I did. Once I got to the hospital I had a male doctor & the second I told him I think I’m in organ failure he was combative and just wanted to prove me wrong and he condescendingly asked how I know that and anything I said he just didn’t believe. Then they did some blood tests and another male doctor came back and said none of my organs were in failure, my kidney & pancreas levels were slightly off but nothing crazy, they acted as if none of my symptoms made any sense especially since my pulse ox was normal. The only thing they could find wrong was my anemia level of 5 that I had been living with for 2-3 years. I told them to please test my heart, I figured it had to show up on at least an angiogram. They tested everything and said my heart was fine. They gave me 2 bags of blood and I was feeling a tonnn better but I was still feeling shortness of breath, pressure on my chest, everytime they injected anything into my iv even saline my chest would tighten, i was still getting bouts of dizziness, & every time I told them these issues they did nothing. Just “ok”, oh, your heartbeat is constantly rapid? Okay. Oh it feels like someone is pushing you into quicksand when you try to sleep? Ok. I talked to my doctor after they did every heart test and I was upset I said why is it that none of you care to explain any of my symptoms as if they didn’t and aren’t still happening? You only care about what you can see on a test, but that doesn’t change the fact i went through and am still feeling these symptoms. She said “we’ve done every test and there’s nothing wrong with your heart to explain your symptoms” I said ok I believe you there’s nothing wrong with my heart but is there anything at all that can explain the symptoms I’m having? And she pretty much said no or that these issues are hard and sometimes it takes longer for other symptoms to show up. So she completely gaslit me, and I started questioning myself. But when I got home from the hospital and remembered everything I went through the last month day by day I knew that I felt what I felt, so I went to read more about anemia and severely low anemia like I had explains my symptoms ALONE, yet none of them ever said that. When I told them I wasn’t getting enough oxygen they acted like it made no sense when it’s KNOWN hemoglobin carries oxygen to your body & when it’s low it makes the heart work harder and my hemoglobin was FIIIIVVVVEE. Like WDYM you don’t know why I’m having these symptoms? When my pulse ox came back 100 (which still confuses me as to how it could’ve been 100 when my hemoglobin was so low) they acted like my symptoms were so far fetched and how the more I read about it the more I’m insanely confused as to why they didn’t attribute my symptoms to my anemia? I get that I was wrong thinking my heart was in full failure, but anemia also causes heart DYSFUNCTION that is reversible once you get more blood. Some heart tests were before I got blood and some were after. My question is is there any reason my tests could have been coming up as normal? And why did my doctors act like my symptoms made no sense simply because my heart tests came up normal?
I know I waited much too long to get treatment, but it’s bc I truly hate dealing with doctors and nurses and not being listened to.

First / Previous
◄▼►
I’ve seen fifteen thinnings and two merges, so I know a few things.
First, most thinnings don’t merge.
Second, Universal Reality Anchors catch thinnings. (I shouldn’t know about URAs. My therapist messed up on that.)
Thinnings all have kaleidoscoping colors and make my ears ring. That’s the URAs. If you can hear it but not see it, don’t worry. If you hear it and then don’t, do worry. But that almost never happens.
Fourth, merges and thinnings almost always come in threes. The Truth Club thinks three is a Number of Power. They didn’t make that up. I did.
And last, every thinning I’ve seen happened after my first merge. And Alice and Dad both say I made them up.
They’re both liars. Make of that what you will.
◄▼►
Outside Victoria, British Columbia - May 23, 2043, 11:53 AM
- - - - -
My tinnitus gets louder and louder until, as I step through the L-shaped entrance to the girls’ bathroom, it’s all I can hear. The thinling’s screeches/roars/grinding fail to break through the ringing, and my whole head feels like it’s vibrating, even though it’s only my aural aug. I’ve only been this close to a thinning once, and that was three—no, four—minutes ago. This one feels worse.
I want to see the Truth in this thinning. But, I’ll be honest, I’m terrified. My throat burns, and my arms won’t stop bleeding. And I don’t know where the thinling is. It’s with me, on the right side of the fire door, away from other people. But I don’t know where.
I’m still in my lizard brain—fight, flight, freeze, fawn. Besides the water balloons, that’s one of the only true things my therapist told me. Everyone’s got two brains—the people brain that makes choices and the lizard brain that keeps you alive. My lizard brain is good at freeze, fight, and fawn. Freeze usually keeps me out of trouble, and fawn keeps Dad happy. Fight’s never gotten me much, though. Alice is a fawner, too, but she fights with Dad as much as she fawns. I’m in trouble now because I got curious and then froze instead of fleeing like I should have. I squeeze my eyes shut, count to three, and open them.
The graffiti in the girls’ bathroom never gets cleaned up—not before the girls draw more. Someone’s penned ‘beware of limbo dancers’ onto the bottom of a stall door along with a stick figure doodle of a man bending backward, and Candice has written her boyfriend’s name on the tile wall with a heart around it. A half-dozen other girls’ commentary about what a creep Derrick is adorns the rest of the chipped, off-white tiles. The thinning’s dancing lights reflect off the stained, pink floor tiles inside a stall, but not the one with the limbo man.
Some girl has kissed the mirror over the bathroom sink, leaving a blindingly crimson lip mark in the corner. It hasn’t been cleaned off yet, either. She’ll probably get sick from kissing it if a thinling doesn’t get her first. And the whole place stinks like only a girl’s bathroom can. Pee, lemon cleaning supplies, and perfume. Ugh.
Really, I decide, the whole thing is a math problem. The steps seem simple, but it has a lot of variables. I can’t let the thinling find me, and I have to stop bleeding. Once I solve those, I can work on the rest of the problem.
So, first, the thinling.
The thinning is in the stall. I ignore it for now.
The whining ring fades slightly as I creep into the bathroom’s entrance. This is not an improvement since now I can hear the monster’s screech/roagrind. It sounds like it’s down the hall, tearing into something solid. I pop my head out for a moment.
Its claw/jaw/saw pulls away from the impossibly thick fire door, revealing a gash so wide I can see it from down the hall. Its eyes/sensors turn toward me, and I duck back inside the bathroom. That was stupid. There’s nowhere to go. But I can’t think—my head is light, and I wobble just standing. I stagger back to the wall, slide into a sitting position with my legs splayed and my baggy cargo pants hiked up around my calves, and wait.
I don’t have to wait long before it slithers/slides/clatters into the bathroom entrance. It roars again, rushing toward me, and then stops.
Not, like, of its own free will, but like it’s hit an invisible wall across the bathroom, right in front of the first sink. It strains and lashes its claws/jaws/saws against whatever’s stopped it, but it can’t pass. It doesn’t even make sparks.
I release a breath I hadn’t realized had caught in my throat. The thinling’s roars of protest/angefrustration and my tinnitus drown out the raspberry sound between my numb lips. It can’t come in. It can’t come in.
Why can’t it come in?
That feels important, but it’s not something I can puzzle out right now. My brain feels fuzzy. The thinling’s not doing it, and the ringing in my ears—okay, it’s awful, but it’s not the problem. I slump down below a paper towel dispenser, reach up with a shaky hand, and grab the rough brown paper. Sheet after sheet rains down on me as I pull, tear, grab, and repeat. Once I have enough, I start the long, agonizing process of trying to find and cover dozens of cuts across my arms and face.
Most aren’t a problem. They’re shallow, and they’ve already slowed or stopped. But one on my right palm has cut deep. I wrap paper towels around it, but it keeps throbbing and pulsing. Blood drips from a long cut across my forehead, but head injuries bleed a lot, right? It’s probably not gonna kill me. My hand is more worrying. Did it catch a tendon? It hurts to move my fingers, but that might be the cut, not something deeper.
While I’m playing at medic, the thinling stalks back and forth just feet away. It roars and rips/tears/cuts futilely at the…barrier…keeping it from me. I still can’t see exactly what it is, and I can’t tell why it’s stuck. But I don’t care. Just this once, I don’t need to know the Truth. At least, not yet.
So, equation time. I know where the thinling is. Obviously. I tighten my makeshift paper towel bandage around my palm and start dabbing at my forehead, wincing every time the rough brown paper catches on the cut’s ragged edge. I’ve got most of the bleeding mostly taken care of, though my skin looks like it’s mostly paper towels. Which means I can work on the next step in balancing this.
This part goes fast. Dad? Shelter. Sora? Not sure. Ugh, Alice, who left me? Shelter. Teachers? Unknown. The police? Probably in shelters, but definitely not here. SHOCKS? Not here, but probably on their way. This seems right up the boogeyman’s alley. Superman? Yeah, right.
So, no one’s coming—no one I want to see. I’ve got me, Mom’s dress, as many paper towels as I can use, water, and…
…my phone.
I fish it out of my baggy cargo pants’ pocket, though I have to hike up Mom’s filthy dress a little to get to it. There aren’t any new messages, just a flashing SHOCKS warning to avoid the strange. I snort. Then I laugh. Then I can’t stop laughing, and it doesn’t feel like good laughter.
As I sit against the bathroom wall and laugh, I thumb through my contacts. Eventually, I land on the one person I can trust to text me back, even if I can’t trust her for anything else. I start typing, and the panic hits me again like a wave, crashing straight through the hysterical laughter.
Claire -
The ‘sending a message’ icon spins and spins, my throat tightening painfully again with each passing second. I count to almost forty in my head before a new message comes in, and my message’s text goes red.
Victoria Emergency Services -
I stop reading and shiver despite myself. SHOCKS. The boogeymen. They’re here. Or maybe not here, but on their way and aware. And I’m in the middle of their merge. Again. I don’t need a repeat of last time, because the Truth about last time is that I got lucky and my therapist wasn’t as clever as he thought.
There’s no way I can stop the shivering, and the room keeps swimming back and forth in the panic tsunami.
<…and Goldstream. Further messages with additional instructions will be set as needed.>
The message comes in twice more, identical word for word, before it stops. My phone doesn’t power off, but it’s like it’s stuck in airplane mode. I can’t connect to anything. Not to the internet, or text messages, or even to my augs—both of which are stuck in one-to-one mode with my unaugmented eye and ear. That’s not the end of the world, though. Even running hot enough to hurt, neither gets above three-to-one. What is the end of the world is that I can’t text or call anyone. Well, almost anyone.
I dial 911. It doesn’t disconnect me. Instead, an automated voice speaks in my aural aug. “All VES emergency lines are currently busy. Please hold. An operator will be with you as soon as possible. Your emergency is impor—“
I hang up and recalculate my equation since I can’t talk to anyone. SHOCKS: Definitely on their way. Superman? Even less likely, he won’t want to fight them. And no phone—or at least the only thing it’s good for is as a flashlight.
Pushing down another shudder, I light my last cigarette, push it into my mouth, and ready myself. The smoke fills my lungs, and I blow it out slowly—West End High’s in trouble already, so a fire alarm won’t make things worse.
It’s time to deal with the thinning.
I push myself up to my feet with a groan. The thinling scrabbles/scratches/slices at the invisible wall, making me jump, and I side-eye it the whole time I scooch toward the bathroom stall. My tinnitus ramps up until my entire head pounds and my aural aug burns inside my ear. “I want to know the Truth,” I whisper to myself. I repeat it like a mantra. Then I pull on the stall door’s handle.
It opens with a creak. The smell of cinnamon and tulips hits me.
I catch a split-second view of the new thinning before its rainbow colors flash and vanish, the ringing stops, and every lightbulb in the bathroom shatters in a loud, rippling series of pops.
◄▼►
I’m terrified, but also relieved.
Terrified because I’m in deep shit now.
I’ve been in the center of two merges in the last fifteen minutes. The animal/monstemachine paces ten feet away, back and forth. The darkness feels like it’s trying to drown me, and that’s worse than the thinling. And SHOCKS is on the way.
But relieved because, when I flip my phone’s flashlight on, I see what’s emerged from the second thinning.
It’s a gun. A revolver. Not the kind from Westerns with the long, gray-black barrel and worn wooden handle, but the kind a hard-boiled detective might carry. Or May Lay, one of the Knights from Knights of the Apocalypse. She has like twenty guns. It’s short, stubby, and shockingly white—almost porcelain, except for the part where you put bullets. That part shines like polished brass. It’s loaded, with shells made of different metals.
I should stop myself, a tiny voice in the back of my head says as I reach for the revolver. I’m already in deep shit, and I don’t need more. And the revolver’s a lie, anyway. It’s not real. It can’t be real. But the other voices—the ones that want to know the Truth or that know that if I want to deal with the trouble I’m going to be in, I need to solve the trouble I’m in now— shout it down. My fingers wrap around the carved, notched grip.
And I’m not drowning anymore. My whole body burns instead, and I scream. But when I move my arms, it just gets worse, not better, until I’m hugging myself and whimpering while trying not to so much as blink.
As quickly as it hits me, the sensation fades, and I examine the revolver more closely. It’s not heavy, and the grip is somehow perfectly sized for my not-quite-adult hand. I fiddle with the brass bullet holder—I’ve never paid attention to what you call a gun’s parts. The bullet holder should rotate out so I can load it again, but no matter what I do, I can’t get it to. It doesn’t even spin when I run my thumb against it. Instead, the bullet seems locked in line with the barrel.
Seven seems like a strange number of bullets for a six-shooter.
There’s also no safety. I know that part of a gun. My finger rests against the trigger guard—it is porcelain, but the kind you make armor out of, not the type that rich people use for dishes and everyone else shits in. This little pistol is ready to use; I can feel it more than I can see it. And I’m ready, too.
{Halcyon System Final Sync}
{Overriding Firewalls}
{Firewall Protocols Overridden: 2/3}
{System Access: 50%}
{Affected System Features}
►Skill Information
►Truth Information
►Archived Anomaly Information
►Assistance Functions
{Truth Learned: Anomalous Bond 2 (-2) - Information Unavailable}
{Stability 7/10}
{Skill Acquired: Revolver Mastery 1 - Information Unavailable}
{Claire Pendleton}
►Stability 7/10
►Skills - Revolver Mastery 1
►Truths - Anomalous Bond 2 (-2)
►Inquiries -
I blink back tears as my optic aug heats up and my aural one pops and hisses. The message reads a little like an error report on a crashing computer, a little like my augs when I reboot them in the morning, and a tiny bit like Knights of the Apocalypse’s character status screen. I glaze over most of it, but a few important parts stick out—like the Truths. I try to mentally tap the link to Anomalous Bond, but every time, I get a bonking, boinging error sound. There has to be a workaround to see what Revolver Mastery or Anomalous Bond are, but no matter what I try, the message screen won’t open them.
After almost three minutes of trial and error sounds, I decide three basic things.
First, I need to keep my Stability high. Without the Halcyon System’s Assistance Functions—whatever those are—I can’t say for sure what’ll happen if I lose all my Stability, but based on the fire I felt when I grabbed the revolver, and on the earlier message when I panicked after seeing the thinling, I don’t want it to dip much lower.
Second, I want to know what the firewalls are and how Inquiries work.
{Inquiry: What’s going on at West End High?}
Ah. That’s how. I’m not sure what’s going to happen if I answer it, but it helps me keep track of my variables better.
And third, I have a tool to access the Truth now. And not only that, but to do it in a way that lets me be sure, for the very first time, that it really is the Truth. That is, as long as I can trust the Halcyon System. And, unlike my English teacher and Mr. Roberts, it hasn’t lied to me yet. It also hasn’t told me anything yet, except that I’m in the process of…losing my mind? Falling apart? I wish I knew what Stability did, but I have bigger problems.
I push myself out of my squat and turn, pointing the revolver toward the sink, and the door, and the thinling. I’m not helpless. I don’t have to run, and that’s the Truth. I can—
It’s gone.
◄▼►
My first instinct is to chase after it.
Why is my first instinct to chase after it?
Without the tinnitus and the thinling’s impossible-to-describe form-changing, my migraine recedes slightly. I shouldn’t chase it. It’ll tear me apart. What I should do is try to find a way through the school, or out of the school and back inside somewhere else, to the shelter. That’s where safety is. That’s where Dad and Alice and, I hope, Sora all are.
But that thinling? It’s a mystery. And I swore an oath to the Truth Club and myself that I’d seek the Truth. Only they all thought that circle under the bleachers was a game, and I knew I meant every word. So I’m going to chase after it.
But I don’t have to be dumb about it. I mean, I’ve been pretty dumb so far, but I don’t have to be. Alice is a valedictorian, and while I don’t care enough about Language Arts or Social Studies to earn top grades like her, I’m not dumb. I just don’t pretend I’m interested in stuff I don’t care about.
On one side of the equation, I’ve got the thinling. And on the other, a variable. Something made it stop, and it didn’t do it because it felt merciful. It could be the mirror. Maybe it can’t understand its appearance either. Maybe there’s something else going on with it. Or maybe it’s the pipes. I’ve read plenty of myths that make running water a safe place. Maybe there’s truth to them.
I can’t steal a pipe, though.
My fingers scream in protest by the time I finally wrench the bathroom mirror free. It takes me almost ten minutes of pulling and wriggling my fingers between its steel backing and the cinderblock wall. When it finally does, I’ve twisted two nails back on my right hand, crushed my left thumb between the wall and the steel, and my head spins from standing for too long. But I have the bathroom mirror—intact, even the half-cleaned lipstick stain in the corner.
I lean against the wall, arms wrapped around the glass-and-steel mirror in a hug, and breathe. Then I carefully creep back to the door, revolver in one hand and mirror tucked under my arm, and stare into the twilit hallway.
It’s there. The thinling is back at the steel fire door, clawing/biting/sawing at the metal. It’s only a matter of time before it breaks through, which would be both good and bad. Good, because I need that door open. But bad, because there are people over there. Fakes and liars, yes, but still people.
They can’t handle the Truth.
I decide I can, and I flip the mirror around to face the thinling. I hope the reflection will act like a steel beam, flattening the monster against the wall or smashing it into the fire door. But it doesn’t. Instead, the thinling ignores it.
But for the first time, I can see its true form in the reflection. It’s alive. Not like a wolf, but similarly-sized; we have wolves nearby, where Vancouver Island goes wild. Where it should have four legs, it has six, and where a wolf would have jaws, its mouth is a circle of spinning, writhing teeth. It’s covered in white plates that make it look bug-like, but there’s never been a bug this size. Below the white, raw flesh pulses and twitches; I can’t tell if it’s black or dark red, but that’s a lighting problem, not because I can’t see the Truth.
It’s still ignoring me and the mirror. I decide to take a gamble. The mirror—hopefully—stopped the thinling once. It can probably do it again. I set it against the wall under a poster about the quadratic formula, level the revolver in my hands, facing the thinling even though it hurts my palm and my smashed thumb to aim, and pull the trigger.
It cracks, a purplish beam of light cuts through the air, sizzling, and the shell clatters to the ground. The sound echoes in the hall, and I realize I’ve imagined the beam’s sound. The ray leaving the gun’s barrel reaches twenty—no, fifty—feet, touches the wall above the thinling, and vanishes except for heat ripples in the air. I’ve missed. The revolver’s bullet-holder clicks as it slowly spins, and a new shell appears in the empty hole.
I stare at the mirror, not at the thinling, because the mirror tells me the Truth. It’ll stop the thinling. It has to.
But as the monster slithers/slides/clatters across the ground toward me, I lose my nerve and run. The mirror sits against the wall outside the bathroom while I hide inside, the revolver pointed shakily at the doorway.
A moment passes. Two. Three. I allow myself to breathe. To stand up and take one hesitant step toward the entrance, then another. When I gather the courage to look outside, I almost break right back into hysterics again.
The mirror worked. And the revolver’s shell glows a bright orange against the hall’s twilight.
I hobble toward the thinling. It roars in protest/angedespair as I grit my teeth, hold the revolver six inches from its scrabbling jaws/claws/saws, and brace myself.
I pull the trigger.
Then the thinling screams—the most concrete sound it’s made since I first saw it—and falls to the tile floor. Its scream hammers my mind, and I try to fight it, but can’t. The revolver slips from my grasp and joins it. And a moment later, so do I.