How can we stop going around in circles with these corrupted nihilists? (basically an extreme religious-nut but in reverse; no meaning, no value, no good/bad, nothing matters) I've compiled some of my thoughts/comments.

But first If you are not caught up yet:
1 Re: Vegan Gains ...The Militant Vegan Raffaela Interview - (May 12, 2024)
2 Vegan Gains is a sub-Jerkivest [5/11/24]
3 Moral Realism Debate w/ Inmendham - (May 16, 2024)
4 WTF #899: The vegan gains debate ... Value realism - (May 19, 2024)
5 Vegan Gains ...Denialism is the only nihilism [5/19/24]
also saw this Controversial Topics with Vegan Gains (Horse Riding, Bivalves, Depression, and much more!) - (May 11, 2024) ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ (he thinks in terms of some dogmatic religious brain-rot morality source of right/wrong, but a kind of reversed/opposite conclusion of it's absence, nihilism)
the very reason religion was invented in the first place was because humans by nature had a value-engine driving them & NEED for meaning, that's the irony. value gave rise to religion, religion never needed to grant value. The fact people can't grasp this. 🤦 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Now onto the various arguments, sorry how long and out of order it is But the idea is to provoke you coming up with better ideas/arguments, and if you can critic and strenghen my and ultimately inmendham's arguments. The GOAL should be to Create a formal argument AKA a syllogism, modus ponens. Something clear and concise that can't be taken out of context or misinterpreted, as happened with the debate...

On the subject of Efilism, tread lightly, the philosophy and argument extends beyond merely focusing on suffering; it also includes the critical issue of consent violation. Its proponent and creator, Inmendham, argues for value realism, which contrasts starkly with the notion of subjective morality which I find illogical. While objective morality is full of baggage... often linked to outdated religious doctrine so on face value it's not fun or easy subject to broach... many contemporary non-religious ethicists ground it in realism. Personally me, inmendham and others see no use for the term "morality" as it's tainted. value-realism is the subject. Is it a value-laden universe or not?
it is not necessary to call TRUE/REAL right or wrong Objective, because if objective is defined as mind-independent than without minds there's nothing right/wrong to happen to, therefore THE discussion should be just regarding what is TRUE or NOT, subjective doesn't necessarily mean mere contrived opinion or preference but can be logical conclusion, e.g. you can conclude 2 + 2 = 4 as we understand these concepts of numbers to model reality but can you call it objective or mind-independent 2 + 2 = 4, or that math exists? Not really. As you require a modeler to model reality, an observer to make the observation, a mind to come to such accurate conclusions. To me, claiming there is no real right or wrong is akin to asserting that moral standards and ultimately the subject of Ethics is as fictitious as religion or Santa Claus, you just believe it cause you want to or have preference to. Why maintain this pretense if it's all a mere fabrication / contrivance?
Regarding subjective judgments such as determining "What's the tastiest potato chip or the most beautiful painting?", these are not factual assessments about the things themselves, The question itself is misleading, because the thing itself has none of those qualities objectively, Instead, such qualities are OUTPUTs generated by the interaction of our bodies and minds with these INPUT items, the input is quite arbitrary/irrelevant, unlike the highly meaningful & distinct output generated of positive or negative experiences. You might get off more on certain female body part than another, it doesn't matter, the output positives & negatives is more or less same among individuals and that's what's relevant... not what specific fun or hobby gets you or them off or pushes their buttons.
It can be TRUE that a certain food item is the tastiest to that personal individual, or gross to another, and we can talk about intersubjective truths with averages overall. But one's experience of what is tastiest for them doesn't contradict another's, they can both be true for them individually, as you are likely not even sharing the same exact experiences to judge differently. And one's very perception or framing of the experience changes the experience itself, no way around this truth. Some people find bricks tasty or edible, just how their brain is wired.
It's important to recognize that differing opinions of personal taste do not inherently conflict in the way ethical contradictions do. With ethical matters, asserting that two diametrically opposed views are equally valid is problematic, either one is right and the other wrong, or both might be based on flawed reasoning. Pretending 2 opposing ethical views can be both equally right/true/correct is utter contradictory mush, either one of them must be right / wrong, or both are contrived meaningless nothing opinions, just made up. you wouldn't say whether one believes in god or not IS mere personal opinion/preference and such 2 opposing views can be equally right at same time, that's utter contradictory nonsense, by saying 2 opinions that gRAPE is both good & bad at same time are equally right opinons, right loses all meaning and you might as well say neither is right and both are wrong, they each have their own contrived fairytale delusion.
Now with Ethics of right / wrong, it does not depend on one single individual's preference or opinion, but taken as the whole, if you violate one without consent you still have to account for that since you are seemingly putting the weight on the preference otherwise preferences are utterly meaningless and irrelevant.
ALSO, Do you call whatever you prefer what's right, or do you prefer to try to do what is right?
Do you prefer to seek out what is the right most accurate conclusion given all the facts of reality, or contrive right to be what's in your preference/interest or personal gain?
I don't think VG or most these talking heads understand value-realism (problematic events within subjectivity/a non-physical but REAL reality of the mind). Obviously there's no objective divine or otherwise prime-directive moral-rules we must follow. Unfortunately Religion has poisened the conversation so much with archaic ideas and mushy terms like 'Morality'. Understand there is no 'moral truth', let alone an objective one, ofc if you pigeon-hole me or all realists into defending such nonsense it's easy to refute them. What I'm interested in is subject of Ethics, and to start whether or not value/problematic events exist or do not exist.
Here's a silly question by nihilists: "why is suffering bad?"
Response: How do you identify suffering? Based on the fact that it feels bad. (Yes subjectively) Just as we can subjectively understand 2+2 = 4
Or this: "prove suffering bad, objectively"
Also question-begging, obviously it is subjective. If such badness cannot exist mind-independently by definition.
"Prove suffering is bad, objectively"
is begging the question, because...
It strawmans / assumes the badness must be bad mind-independently, it isn't therefore, it isn't bad.
Answer this, evolutionarily do animals PERCEIVE being tortured skinned alive nail in the eye as BAD, or does it impose torture which we RECOGNIZE and define as Bad by definition?
If true PAIN/torture isn't bad then why does it exist evolutionarily? Answer: (problem -> solution) mechanism which functions as ability to learn & improved survival, this mechanism was reinforced over time as it worked.
inmendham & realists like myself argue: it is the case Descriptively, Objectively evolution IMPOSED Prescriptive-value-judgements onto animals which function as a learning/problem solving mechanism. Fact is, the invention of 'PROBLEM' is something I/we/animals had nothing to do with... (no-free-will-choice) but are simply byproduct in observation of this fact.
If real PROBLEM(s) didn't truly exist then Arguably the word and conceptual understanding it points 👉 to wouldn't exist either. As if beings could be truly blind never seeing colors/vision yet pulling the idea out of thin air and conceiving of such a thing, how preposterous, that'd be giving human creativity/imagination way too much credit. The only nihilist argument then is that by evolution we & all feeling organisms are somehow ultimately deluded or have illusion of problem where there is none, which I find deeply implausible. Run the torture study/experiment a million times putting people's arm in the fire "yep still bad". Filtering out people who lack ability to feel pain of course.
As evolutionary biologists even states pain is a message to the animal "don't do that again". Can't get descriptively prescriptive more than that.
Are You Getting It?
The Ought is literally baked in as an IS. The is-ought gap to be bridged is a complete Red-Herring, yes you can't derive an Ought from an IS, because if you oughtn't do something, then it can never be BAD... problematic/BAD/torture can't mean anything if it doesn't scream OUGHT-not.
All you have to agree to is due to evolution it created torture which is decidedly negative/ inherently BAD, by definition. Otherwise it wouldn't feel bad or be torturous at all... THEN ask yourself, how can something be BAD yet it's not BAD to create that BAD?
This is Checkmate. These are irrefutable Facts & Logical deductions.
So much for it all being false-perception, the very fact placebo patients perceive an otherwise harmless laser as BAD/painful makes it so. It's the TRUE reality in their mind and you can't deny that fact. It's also a fact believing a pain isn't really all that bad can make it so, but this doesn't make these value-laden experiences NOT real/true.
As per evolution, your body/brain's mechanisms must generate & impose a prescriptive-value-judgement / problematic event within your mind,
It's nagging, complaining, telling you keeping your hand on the hot stove is a mistake/problematic/bad. (not in itself but as a consequence)
I believe this brain making me write all this... is making an accurate assessment when it observe certain events to be problematic/bad where it's happening which is within subjectivity, where's your evidence my perceptions are fooling me or I'm somehow deluded? I witnessed the crime take place and you were nowhere near the crime scene yet you have the authority to claim otherwise as fact? (You are not simply agnostic to my problem suffering but a De-nihilist)
Once one accepts this evolutionary fact we can move on to more complicated questions regarding ethics, like how do weigh the good & the bad, conflicting preferences, etc. Otherwise, it's all pointless & futile, like arguing bivalves or wild-suffering with a non-vegan. They're just not on that level yet and it's a waste of time.
revised version of my other comment: I believe that many discussions around morality miss a crucial point about value-realism, which acknowledges problematic events within subjectivity, a non-physical but real reality of the mind. It is evident that there are no objective, divine, or prime-directive moral rules we must follow. Unfortunately, religion has muddied the conversation with archaic ideas and terms like 'morality'.
There is no 'moral truth,' especially not an objective one. If critics pigeonhole realists into defending such notions, it becomes easy to refute them. My interest lies in ethics and whether value/problematic events exist.
Consider this question by nihilists: "Why is suffering bad?"
Response: Suffering is identified because it feels bad, subjectively. Just as we subjectively understand 2+2=4, we can recognize suffering through its unpleasant experience.
When asked to "prove suffering is bad, objectively," this is question-begging, as the question assumes that the badness must exist independently of minds, which it does not by definition. This question straw-mans the issue by requiring mind-independent badness, ignoring the subjective nature of suffering. As if the quality of it being BAD must be granted by something outside the experience itself.
Evolutionary Perspective: Animals perceive and react to torture (e.g., being skinned alive) as bad because evolution has imposed mechanisms that signal harm. Pain serves as a problem-solving mechanism, reinforcing behaviors that enhance survival. If pain and suffering weren't inherently problematic, they wouldn’t exist in the form they do.
Realists like myself argue that evolution has objectively imposed prescriptive-value judgments on animals. The concept of 'problem' or 'bad' arises from these evolutionary mechanisms, not from free will. The existence of these concepts indicates the reality of these problematic experiences.
If real problems didn’t exist, neither would the concepts describing them. This is akin to how beings blind from birth wouldn’t conceive of color. Suggesting that evolutionary processes have universally deluded all feeling organisms into perceiving problems where there are none is implausible.
As evolutionary biologists state, pain signals to the animal, "don't do that again," which is descriptively prescriptive. The 'ought' is embedded within the 'is.' Thus, the is-ought gap is a red herring because prescriptive judgments are evolutionarily ingrained.
Again, How do you identify suffering? Based on the fact that it feels bad. (Yes subjectively) Just as we can subjectively understand 2+2 = 4
All you have to agree to is due to evolution it created torture which is decidedly negative/ inherently BAD, by definition. Otherwise it wouldn't feel bad or be torturous at all... THEN ask yourself, how can something be BAD yet it's not BAD to create that BAD?
Conclusion: By acknowledging that evolution created inherently negative experiences like torture, we accept that these experiences are bad by definition. Denying the badness of creating bad experiences is contradictory. Therefore, once recognizing the true reality of subjective experiences, only then we can move on to complex ethical questions about weighing good and bad and addressing conflicting preferences.
playing devil's advocate let's try Steelman their position and then arrive at the logical conclusions of it and then perhaps refute it. If they say: "veganism = right" realize there is no contradiction IF by 'right' they just mean it's literally nothing but their preference...
There's no goal to prefer to know/do what's right, RATHER what's right is whatever matches our personal preferences, so unlike flat earther vs round earth beliefs/CLAIMs which can contradict/conflict with each other since either 1 is right or both are wrong. Individual tastes don't.
Whereas if VG says 9 people gRAPE the 1 kid for fun is WRONG because he's a threshold-deontologist but Also RIGHT to a hedonistic utilitarian, Those views only contradict/conflict if they are making VALUE-claims or recognizing a problematic event take place. However, with VG apparently he would have to say he's not claiming or labelling anything as TRULY problematic at all but merely describing his preferences like flavor of ice cream...
Now, of course, as the realist, I find such a view more deplorable/worse than if they were merely agnostic on right/wrong. Cause it's one thing to say there's a right answer to questions of Ethics but we have no objective scientific basis to determine it yet or lack knowledge VS saying they have knowledge there is absolutely no right or wrong.
Under Anti-realism nihilism, what they mean by wrong/right, is just their preference, if I understand correctly (which I'm quite sure) Anti-realism nihilism reduces the Subject of Ethics down to nothing but you or someone else pontificating/opining (i.e "me no like torture") . It defends some sort of expressivism, emotivism, normative, prescriptive reduction of Ethics. Which I find lubricious and has to be a mistake,
I don't see anyone playing any different game even the nihilists invest their money and plan ahead for self-interest, no one truly signs up for torture for fun like it's no problem, and runs away from pleasure happiness as bad. Further, it stands to reason... since we can recognize objectively evolution created a punishment mechanism to enforce learning and survival, BAD/PROBLEM as a concept is something I/WE/Animals had nothing to do with. We didn't invent it, we recognize it and respond accordingly. Even evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins stated that pain is a message to the organism 'don't do that again!'
We must address further the flawed logic of VG and other nihilists reducing Ethics down to mere arbitrary preferences like potato chip flavor, or how much salt you prefer in the soup. As it is completely disanalogous & dishonest upon reflection. QUOTE: "There's no arguing against Efilism, it's just personal opinion. Like arguing what tastes better... ice-cream or potato chips?"
Say if you believe that the mona-lisa is beautiful, and I personally find it ugly, this conflicts/contradicts nothing because it claims nothing in terms about that object or reality outside of our own minds.
such qualities are OUTPUTs generated by body/mind from these INPUTs, the input is quite arbitrary/irrelevant, unlike the highly meaningful & distinct output generated of positive or negative experiences.
it doesn't matter what specific fun or hobby gets them off or pushes their buttons in order for it MATTER, those differences don't make it any less real OR all mere subjective opinion. the output positives & negatives is more or less same among individuals and that's what's relevant...
It can be TRUE that a certain food item is the tastiest to some personal individual, or gross to another, one's experience of what is tastiest for them doesn't contradict another's, they can both be true for them individually because it is the reality in their mind, Some people find bricks tasty or edible, just how their brain is wired.
while one person may find a certain food delicious, another may find it repulsive, without invalidating each other's experiences because they are true for them individually. both experiences are valid/correct.
However, actions that disregard another's negative experience invalidate their reality. if you find being boiled alive problematic and I do it anyway believing it's ok, I am invalidating your experience as either not real, relevant, doesn't matter, or my preferences are more important (carry more weight) than yours. Or simply believe it's ALL equal or arbitrary and I just prefer to exploit you so I do that.
Positive or negative experiences are largely consistent among people, making them relevant, regardless of the specific stimuli. Individual truths about taste or preference coexist without contradiction, reflecting each person's value-generated reality.
This cannot honestly be applied to one's mere opinion it's fine to boil kids alive, as you are invalidating the fact that it matters to those victims. You saying it doesn't matter or your gain of pleasure outweighs their loss of pain, is a claim about the reality of events going on in their mind, so there is room for conflict/contradiction. They can't both be right/wrong at the exact same time.
A strong non-intuition argument/claim & facts presented render value-nihilism implausible:
It is Descriptively the case, that Evolution IMPOSED Prescriptive-ought statements... of 'PROBLEMATIC sensation/event' on organisms which functioned as a learning mechanism and improved survival.
Therefore, BAD/PROBLEM isn't mere subjective opinion but something I/we/animals had nothing to do with and are mere by-product reacting to an observation.
This is pretty much the only base-axiom needed to ground my own torture as mattering as the original actual value-currency at stake. That paired with the fact I sampled consciousness and know it matters to me whether or not I am tortured, the fact that I personally observe it as problematic makes it the true reality for my own mind...
...AND it's not mere opinion/proclamation / or idea humans creatively invented out of thin air... as if like everyone could be truly blind yet conceptualizing colovision, makes no sense. plus that's giving humanity way too much credit of imagination.
Can't really have thoughts about information that you don't have. The concept of bad/problem arguably wouldn't even exist if it never was so.
Yes, I agree very semantics. I am attempting to shed clarity on this topic. Looking at the word "BAD" purely in a descriptive sense (e.g., that which can be categorically applied to extreme suffering) it loses all meaning if it's not truly consequential (i.e., it matters whether one experiences bad or not). If it doesn't actually matter ("no problemo") then it can't be bad, only an illusion/delusion of it, yet it's an effective one evolution imposed on organisms as a learning/problem-solving mechanism. The value-realists like myself have every reason to believe evolution created the real thing, not some contrived pseudo-problem organisms feel compelled/obligated to solve.
One only requires the axiom of a Descriptive Bad to ground Ethics. Why? Because it can be argued that a descriptive statement of BAD/problem is prescriptive by it's very nature in the meaning the of word/language.(otherwise its psuedo-bad/fake langauge, redefines bad as aversion/mere preference against) Otherwise, it can't mean anything to be bad, torturously obnoxious, unwanted experiential events couldn't mean anything. Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins even state pain is a punishment signal/message to the animal: "Don't do that again!" If those aren't prescriptions imposed, then I don't know what is. The animal doesn't simply decide/prefer to avoid the event and finds it bad, it's told/finds it bad and so prefers to avoid the event/problem. If god or there were some logically or physically possible way it were to be invented how else would it exist?, or what you think evolution's reward & punishment mechanism accomplished? If it didn't synthesize problematic sensations to force organisms to solve?
Evolution prescribes Needs/wants, at the same time imposes a PAIN/PROBLEM of starvation/hunger which by it's very nature is a prescription for solution (i.e. sustenance/relief/comfort.)
By the very nature of "PROBLEM" it prescribes -> "SOLUTION" not merely a contrived or trivial-like on paper math problem, but the origin of why the word even exists: the problem of pain, a true whip/punishment mechanism, real currency to play with, real loss. Idk how you can describe something categorically as a PROBLEM in the true sense of the word if it doesn't come with it a necessary prescription for its solution. Because if there is no NEED for a solution, then it turns into no longer a problem again...
I don't see how it could be any other way because if there's no real game to be playing with value baked into it, then money would be worthless/not even exist, animals wouldn't bother evade standing in the fire, etc.
Saying It is Descriptively the case, that Evolution IMPOSED Prescriptive-ought statements... of 'PROBLEMATIC sensation/event' on organisms which functioned as a learning mechanism and improved survival.
Is the same as saying Evolution IMPOSED torture/BAD, as that's what torture/bad is... a prescribed need for solution to a problem which is some form of relief/comfort.
The prescription arises as a result of accepting step 1. (which nihilists reject/deny) problem solution. The latter does not follow/exist without the former. basic 2+2 = 4 logic. There's no point figuring out the answer to the math equation, if we don't agree first and foremost a problem exists. Nor how to solve a disease, if we don't first and foremost recognize a disease exists. And so, Any debate with nihilists on step 2: of determining what is the most likely solution / right answer becomes irrelevent and a waste of time. Arguing about whether x or y IS the right answer to fixing/preventing diabetes is pointless when they don't even agree the really disease exists. They don't believe an actual real BAD / Problem exists.
VG reduces it down to mere preferences, his reasonings that even if universally sentience prefers not suffebe tortured... Well, just because it is the case descriptively we prefer to avoid suffering doesn't mean we ought/should prevent suffering. He hasn't bridged the IS-OUGHT gap. But he got it backwards,
the claim/argument... ISN'T that because descriptively, sentience universally has a preference to avoid suffering, it is therefore bad,
the claim/argument... IS that it's descriptively bad/problematic, therefore universally there's a deductively logically assigned preference to avoid it,
Again you can't classify/label something as a problem if it's inconsequential whether it is solved or not. The word loses all meaning. If something NEEDs solving/fixing it means there's a problem, if there's a problem it means there's something NEED solving/fixing. Evolution manufactures these needy problems in organisms to manipulate and control them.
Merely what our preferences are IS NOT relevant, preference "frustration" arguably IS. (if preferences couldn't be frustrated "i.e., no value" than it wouldn't matter which way things turned out)
You can have a preference for some art style over another, if we were just programmed non-feeling robots that preferred to avoid standing in the fire, but there was no real kernel of value/bad, then it wouldn't matter.
Let's imagine something was Objectively PROBLEMATIC, an IS statement. What would a real problem look like? something in NEED of a solution. Again, why? because If it doesn't matter whether or not it exists or is Solved or not, it could never be a problem in the first place. So either this problem exists or it doesn't. (NOTE: it doesn't need to be an objective problem to be REAL, "i.e mind-independent")
Next, if ASI or sentient beings were to sample this "problem", would it not be the case they would logically deduce it's in need of a solution? And assign their preferences accordingly to solving it? Cause again otherwise then you just see it as "no-problemo" again.
"If Inmendham's argument is that sentient beings create value, and that the universe has no value without the presence of a sentient being generating it, would it not follow that the ought is inherently built into sensation?" yes but the way VG unfairly reframes it is that we subjectively place value on it, THAT it's entirely subjective, like you prefer salty or sweet, or certain ice cream flavor. emphasizing that it's entirely subjective opinion. Take a look at his unfair silly example: "we can't say pineapple on pizza is objectively tasty or not..." this shows a complete ineptitude in grasping the subject and misrepresenting the argument like crazy, no one is arguing whether Mona Lisa is objectively beautiful or some such thing.
What is being argued: the positive or negative mind-dependent event produced in response to the sensual or perceptual stimuli, the input (object) is irrelevant, only the output (experience) matters and what the value-engine (BRAIN) produced. What pushes your buttons so to speak, blue jelly beans or green jelly beans, could differ between 2 individuals but the shared experience is the same more or less. Whether you wired to find pineapple on pizza tasty or gross is irrelevant, some people find bricks edible.
Main issue is they talking past each other: what inmendham is arguing for was either not expressed as best it could be, and/or VG does not quite comprehend what is being argued... inmendham claims/argues evolution created the real bad/PROBLEM and we respond in recognition of this fact/truth with preferences that follow accordingly, Logic cannot be escaped, once you know 2+2 = 4, you can't will or believe it to be 79. If you know the right answer "torture be Bad M'kay?" obviously you won't act or behave otherwise and say you love it. What could it mean to have a preference against experiencing torture... does such a statement even make any sense? All that is required is a real BAD to exist... and then the preference to avoid it logically follows, an inescapable truth. Unless he thinks I also choose or prefer to believe 2+2 = 4 ?
Essentially VG keeps counter-arguing that: "yes we want to avoid torture, but that's just your preference... just cause universally sentience has a preference against torture (a Descriptive / IS statement) doesn't logically follow some Normative/Prescriptive claim/statement. That just because something IS the case it doesn't follow that we OUGHT / should do X, like help others, prevent suffering, etc. That's a non-sequitur he says. Ultimately it's just a preference." sure but...
His argument only applies/counters a strawman position in his head: Because of this I and other realists can account for / side-step it completely, we aren't attempting to derive an OUGHT from an IS. e.g strawman: "we ALL have preference against torture, Therefore it's BAD." Or "we ALL have preference against torture, Therefore we OUGHT prevent it"
The actual argument is that it's Truly Bad/Problematic by the very nature of the word, Therefore first-hand observation follows universally a deductively logically assigned preference to avoid it. Not the other way around.
"If the only thing that can have meaning in the universe is the experience of a sentient being, ought we not maximize its value just by nature of its experience being the only thing that can matter?" yes the ought is a further logical extension of recognizing it to be a problem, which denotes/demands a solution, otherwise if it doesn't matter to solve it or not then you've turned it into a non-problem again. So it can only be categorically one or the other.
Issue of semantics, different terminology and definitions: as long as VG defines objective as "mind-independent" and sets the goal-post to the realist to find a mind-independent "wrong/bad" as if somehow we need some divine-command or absolute rule in the universe that declares it so... then there is no fruit to the discussion. suffering/bad takes place in the mind/experience, so of course it's unfair to ask one to present a mind-independent suffering/bad in the universe, it is begging the question. To be fair inmendham uses the term objective and could have done better job with defining/pushing his terms "e.g. objective as truth/real/fact" and not let VG impose in his own. However, I don't ascribe a requirement to demonstrate an Objective BAD to ground a BAD as real, valid, and true; it can be entirely based on Subjectivist grounds/axiomatic foundations.
Just because the BAD takes place within subjectivity doesn't make it any less real (non-physical/immaterial sure... but not unreal). VG and nihilists can't understand this. 2+2 = 4 is subjective as is all science ultimately as a root axiomatic-fact... as an observation requires an observer. This doesn't mean realism can't be proven/grounded, it can just like we can know 2+2=4 and the moon exists. If anti-realism is gonna deny subjective truths because it's subjective, then one can't know much of anything and reduces to solipsism. I am more certain I exist and the reality of "perceived" BAD I experience is actually a real BAD... THAN that the moon even exists or any other scientific empirical claim.
PROBLEM is something I/we/animals had Nothing to do with, we didn't invent it.
If Anti-realism nihilism was True and Real "PROBLEMS" didn't exist the word wouldn't exist. It is like being born never knowing or seeing or experiencing vision & color, it's impossible to contrive or imagine it. Some knowledge & information is only accessible through experience.
Even Richard Dawkins stated, "pain is a message to the animal Don't do that again!"
If the ought exists within subjectivity, as preferences, why would them being Subjective vs Objective determine whether or not their violation matters? If one experiences disgust looking at something AND another finds beauty... both are true realities for them, they don't conflict or contradict like empirical or fact claims, but instead both are correct and relevant, not one or the other, BECAUSE when someone says the mona Lisa is beautiful they are just saying it arises in them a sense of beauty, the thing/input is irrelevant whereas the output in mind is what is relevant and true for their reality.
Subjective =/= not true, I don't understand the dichotomy between objective vs subjective ethics, as if there isn't facts to glean about subjectivity.
There's also definition or semantic problems:
objective (mind-independent) vs subjective (mind-dependent)
Under such definition does it make sense to say Objectively evolution created feeling experiencing organisms having sense of taste, smell, sound, hunger, pain, to survive. So can we apply word objective to mind-dependent experiences or not?
And of course under such definition there is no objective mind-independent ethics as without minds there is no feeling subject of concern to even talk about in first place. So how silly...
Yet they take objective to mean True & Subjective made up or mere contrived opinion.
For me these are semantic word games that distract, I just care about what's fact/true. What many don't get is Even science, math is subjective invention, byproduct of subjective tool of language, doesn't mean we can't create an accurate model and picture of reality.
I believe the Is-Ought gap is a red-herring, sure it's true you can't contrive an Ought from just what IS, but with evolution the OUGHT statement is built-in, it's descriptively a prescriptive value statement imposed on me, I/we/animals literally have nothing to do with it, I'm just by-product an observer. This is key understanding.
There exists no objective or divine commandment "you OUGHT do X" written into the fabric of reality, and therefore if you don't that's Bad, No. That's nonsense/impossible logically.
Rather an Descriptive IS statement of X is a real bad/PROBLEM, denotes/demands a solution by it's very nature of the word, otherwise if it doesn't need solving then it becomes into a non-problem again, so either x categorically IS a PROBLEM or it's not.
The claim/argument... Is that it's Descriptively BAD/Problematic, therefore universally there's a deductively logically assigned preference to avoid it. Not the other way around. Our personal preference against torture forever doesn't make it therefore bad. The prescription is built in, forced onto us.
It's like "STOP!" & "GO" What do you say to a dog? "BAD dog!" This is saying it should or shouldn't do something. basically = "No!" "Stop!" That's a prescriptive statement/signal/conveyed message.
Or simply, alls required is Descriptively diagnose Torture as Problematic. Which implies Problem Solution Without necessity of solution there is no problem at all, likewise without problem solution means nothing.
​So you essentially boiled my position down to: "Evolution programmed preference to avoid torture." or "we evolved preference to avoid torture" Does that sound incoherent or what... as if I would make such a silly claim. Keep straw-manning.
Do you think animals have PREFERENCE by default to avoid being tortured burned alive and have sex, or logically preferences are born out of observing problematic negative / positive assigned accordingly through punishment & reward mechanisms aka prescriptions, think long and hard about this one...
This is why value or ethical nihilism is incoherent to me. IF torture be bad, how can it be NOT-bad/neutral to create BAD?
It either is truly BAD or it isn't. It's either real or it's an illusion/delusion and false perception.
Their position must reduce to there is no MEANINGFUL difference between Torture & Bliss. And evolution didn't create any problematic sensation or true punishment whatsoever. Instead, were somehow deluded to view being boiling alive as problematic sensation/BAD, and relief as good, we can't tell the difference or label which is which...
Vegan Gains or any anti-realist needs to substantiate these anti-realist nihilist claims & concede if he agrees with the statements below:
"The value-laden problematic BAD experience of being tortured boiled alive in a vat of acid indefinitely... isn't really bad, evolution didn't successfully impose a real negative punishment mechanism on animals, torture isn't something I/we/animals had nothing to do with and are just byproduct observing the imposition, NO! Instead our opinion has everything to do with it... what's problematic torture, one is merely subjectively interpreting/inventing/proclaiming it to be so! Evolution failed!"
"Animals run from fire cause they irrationally unreasonably subjectively interpret it to be bad/problematic sensation or experience, not cause DNA molecule made it so objectively for evolutionary reasons"
"It is all subjective preference like flavor of potato chips, problematic torturous experience isn't bad you just think it's bad or have preference against it."
"You don't logically recognize intrinsic problematic torturous experience then logically assign solution to problem which is preference to avoid that experience, No, you merely have subjective delusional preference against a nail in your eye and there is no logic to it"
"Good is Bad, and Bad is Good depending on opinion, no right or wrong, all subjective tho"
value anti-realism nihilism. INSANE! WORSE than a flat-earth theory!

Apple TV+ is one of the strangest streamers out there, with almost no licensed TV or film content and a small number of originals. That makes the best movies on Apple TV+ easy to find. There simply aren’t that many! Apple is clearly taking a “quality over quantity” approach, with its money spread across genres and targeted at making its subscribers (many roped in with a deal that came with one of the company’s tech products) treat it like a real contender. It also helps that it’s only $4.99 a month, or free for a year if you’ve just purchased a new (and eligible) device.
With films from up-and-comers like Minhal Baig, arthouse favorites like Sofia Coppola and Werner Herzog, some A-list music docs, one of the best animated movies of the 2020s and Martin Scorsese’s latest, Apple TV+ is actually making the case that it belongs in the conversation alongside the more established services. As long as it keeps adding good movies to its roster, that is. It recently snagged a few critical darlings like Killers of the Flower Moon and Wolfwalkers.

10. The Pigeon Tunnel

For a documentary about one of the most celebrated writers of spy fiction, The Pigeon Tunnel can seem—at first glance—deceptively placid. Clocking in at just over 90 minutes, the film features an extended conversation between David Cornwell, AKA John le Carre, and Oscar-winning docmaker Errol Morris. It’s just that. Two people talking, with Morris off-screen, their parrying question-and-answers broken up with archival images and re-enactments of Cornwell’s past, as well as snippets from the classic movies or TV adaptations based on his spy universe: The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and A Perfect Spy.

9. Hala

Writedirector Minhal Baig’s Hala is an intimate coming-of-age drama held up by its personal writerly touches and a star-making turn from Geraldine Viswanathan as the title character. Hala’s struggling with the same kinds of things we normally see high school characters struggle with: What to do after graduation, how to manage a relationship with her parents that’s not quite adult and not quite childish, and (of course) boys. Viswanathan’s understated quiet and the warmth in which the situations are shot (almost always centered on her face)—be they at a family dinner or a walk in a Chicago park or a reading of a high school English assignment—make the dramatic ricochet of Hala’s minor rebellion rattle us all the harder.

8. Boys State

The tendency to read too much into Boys State as a representative of American politics—contemporary, functional, broken and otherwise—doesn’t quite line up with the event itself, in which every year the American Legion sponsors a sort of mock government sleepaway camp in Texas for high school boys (girls get a similar program of their own), where attendees join parties, run for office, craft platforms, run campaigns, hold debates, then ultimately exercise their right to vote.

7. On the Rocks

Sofia Coppola’s new movie On the Rocks starts out as a story of possessive fatherhood, with Felix (Bill Murray) narrating to his teenage daughter, Laura: “And remember, don’t give your heart to any boys. You are mine until you get married. Then you’re still mine.” The girl laughs off the declaration as a jape, which turns out to be a catastrophic tactical mistake. In her womanhood, Laura (Rashida Jones), does indeed get married to a man, Dean (Marlon Wayans), and they have two beautiful daughters of their own, eldest Maya (Liyanna Muscat) and youngest Theo (Alexandra Mary Reimer).

6. Bruce Springsteen’s Letter to You

The black-and-white behind-the-scenes documentary accompaniment to Bruce Springsteen’s album of the same name, Bruce Springsteen’s Letter to You is a beautiful and companionable tour through the music and its making from an American master. Director Thom Zimny buys into the album’s concept, which focuses on just how long Springsteen’s been at this thing. Poignant juxtaposition with archival footage and pictures emphasizes just how long the E Streeters have been at this—and reminds us of who and what was lost along the way.
Also Read: The Last Duel

5. Fireball: Visitors from Darker Worlds

Werner Herzog will show you multiple clips from Mimi Leader’s Deep Impact for no other reason than because he likes them, he finds them well-done and evocative—he says as much in that even-keeled, oddly accented voice over—then soon after chastise “film school doctrine” when complimenting a field video shot by a South Korean meteor specialist in Antarctica. Like Nomad: In the Footsteps of Bruce Chatwin, his documentary from earlier in the year, Fireball (co-directed with Clive Oppenheimer, with whom he made 2016’s Into the Inferno) is less about what it’s about (meteorites, shooting stars, cosmic debris—and the people who love them) than it is about Werner Herzog’s life, which is his filmography, which is a heavily manipulated search for ultimate truth.

4. CODA

Sometimes a movie so successfully plunges you into its world that it completely engulfs you in a lived-in experience. From the gorgeous, scenic opening moments of CODA, you can almost smell the Atlantic salt air and pungent scent of the daily catch. The movie transports you to Gloucester, Massachusetts and lovingly drops you into the life of one family. Seventeen-year-old Ruby Rossi (Emilia Jones) is what the title of the movie refers to—a child of deaf adults.

3. A Charlie Brown Christmas

We could get into plenty of arguments over which Charlie Brown animated special is best, but A Charlie Brown Christmas is my favorite pull of the bunch. Charlie Brown’s confrontation with the Christmas season’s commercialism (back in 1965 no less) and a sad little fir tree make this a cartoon classic, as the ultimate funny-pages shlimazel suffers endless social indignities (no Christmas cards) and the holiday blues.

2. Wolfwalkers

Wolfwalkers is filmmaker and animator Tomm Moore’s latest project out of Cartoon Saloon, the animation studio he co-founded in 1999 with Paul Young, and the capper to his loosely bound Irish folklore trilogy (begun with 2009’s The Secret of Kells and continued with 2014’s Song of the Sea). At first blush, the film appears burdened with too much in mind—chiefly thoughts on everything from English colonialism to earnest portraiture of Irish myths, the keystones of Moore’s storytelling for the last decade.

1. Killers of the Flower Moon

Martin Scorsese has made a career telling stories that tackle issues of justice, retribution and betrayal. From his overt and poetic crime films, through to his dark comedies, religious parables and character pieces, he has long been drawn to stories where the ambiguities of life collide with the complexities of survival, and where day-to-day choices result in consequences sometimes obvious, and sometimes far more subtle and insidious.

Hey folks! I'm wanted to make this short but I have everything to learn, and admittedly very little knowledge or experience despite all of the self-research through consuming tons of content on Kayak Fishing and PNW Fishing and want to be very clear on what it is I am asking for in terms of guidance/recommendations!
Bless those of you that can manage to stick w/ me!
I haven't fished since I was a young kid with my grandfather - that was over 20 years ago so let's just assume I have no real bearing on what I'm doing or where to begin.
I live on the WA/OR border where the Columbia meets the Pacific and am looking to get myself setup with my first rod and tackle as I'd like to start fishing the local lakes and estuaries around me.
These are the circumstances that will affect my gear choices: 1.) My locale - Living at the literal mouth of the Columbia River (Astoria/Hammond, OR up to Ilwaco/Long Beach, WA and the surrounding areas) offers me a slew of bangers when it comes to the native fish and waterways being that there are streams, rivers, lakes, ocean, saltwater, freshwater, brackish water - blah, blah, blah - everything all at once. It's exciting, but overwhelming - with each new thing I learn, I realize how much more there is to find out. 2.) The primary use case for the gear I'm currently seeking is to fish from my Tucktec folding kayak, and ideally being able to accommodate a secondary use case of being able to pack in my rod and tackle on quick jaunts to more secluded waters in the area - I'm aware this may be where I just don't get to have the best of both worlds and may have to choose between the ability to pack it down and strap it to the side of my pack to bushwhack with and having it be an ideal rod for kayaking. I really just want to be able to grab my rod and tackle, get in my car, and be able to hop out with what I've got w/ me whenever I find myself in an area w/ a nice fishing spot that is accessible by foot or boat and just go!
I have seen some general recommendations of using around a 6.5'-8' rod on a kayak, and I most often see a 7' rod recommended - w/ the caveat of potentially adding a little length going up to 8' if fishing saltwater - given my locale, its really hard to say if I'll be in fresh, salt, or brackish water at any given time w/ all the coast, estuaries and lakes at my disposal it could really go any way. Even if I'm not kayaking out in the actual open waters of the Columbia, smaller estuaries that I might find myself in have that brackish water that I'm unsure whether to treat as fresh or saltwater when selecting gear.
Do I overcompensate as a foolproofing/failsafe measure and treat it like I'm generally fishing saltwater to handle the larger fish I'd encounter in those estuaries, or actual ocean if I'm on foot on the Washington side? Or do I go in with the intention of using a dedicated lake setup for fishing Bass, Steelhead and the smaller panfish that I'd encounter fishing Coffenbury Lake, Cullaby Lake, and other contained bodies of water and accept the fact that much like motorcycling, an "all-'rounder" or "dual sport" is more often than not underperforming and disappointing whether you're on the interstate or off the beaten path and one is usually better off just having dedicated bikes for dirt and street to really get that dialed in performance, rather than getting the worst of both worlds in one place. If that is in fact that case, then I guess I'm on the hunt for TWO rod/reel combos. One for fishing the local freshwater lakes, and a second for fishing the brackish water on the banks and estuaries.
I am trying my best to learn, but I don't know a lot about what's what seasonally as far as fishing goes, I just know prime time for bass fishing was a few months ago as it's getting warmer now. Tips on what I should be looking to fish for NOW and in the coming summefall months in this region would be greatly appreciated, I'm so eager to learn!
I know gear is subjective, and that if I take to angling, I'll end up amassing a ton of it for the changing seasons and types of fishing I take a shine to, and honestly, just for the hell of it. Right now, though? I just want to get myself a daily driver so that I can stop pulling my hair out researching and JUST GET TO CASTING OUT ON THE WATER ALREADY!
The goal is just to have enough fun in the process to not get discouraged from learning the art of angling, as I'd like it to become a staple source of communion with nature and a still chamber for reflection in my day-to-day life. I don't have any fishing buddies to offer moral support or get tips in this field, and I don't want to get myself in over my head and end up discouraged w/ gear that just sits gathering dust!
OH, and lastly on the note of the general 7' recommendation for kayak fishing, that seems to be a fairly universal ballpark on length, but I stumbled across Emmrod fishing rods - specifically the Emmrod Kayak King and the Emrod Packrod - they're funky little guys but they look bombproof, stowable, have swappable rod ends and they even have a model called the Kayak King - its only 27" assembled, half that packed, and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with the Emmrod rods as they honestly look like they'd fit the bill for both kayaking and packing in to secluded lakes and streams for me PERFECTLY, but they go against most of what I've gleaned about kayak fishing so far being a whole 5' shy of 7' and I worry that I'm just falling blindly for the idea of the Emmrod because it's unlike anything I've ever seen in the sea of other rods I'm trying to take my pick from, and on paper it says its exactly what I'm looking for and has swappable parts making it pique my interest that much more as I just love modular systems. Someone please, SOUND OFF!
So, tell me what rod/reel YOU'D go for. Tell me why I should not get the Emmrod and get a normal rod like a normal person, or better yet, tell me about your experience with the Emmrod and why it'd be perfect for me after all! Emmrod aside, all recommendations and tips for fishing this incredible area and what gear is going to make it an enjoyable experience for me and the fish I'm bound to meet is welcomed and encouraged!
Thanks to anyone who made it this far and has any advice to offer, maybe I'll see you out there!

Hey folks! I'm wanted to make this short but I have everything to learn, and admittedly very little knowledge or experience despite all of the self-research through consuming tons of content on Kayak Fishing and PNW Fishing and want to be very clear on what it is I am asking for in terms of guidance/recommendations!
Bless those of you that can manage to stick w/ me!
I haven't fished since I was a young kid with my grandfather - that was over 20 years ago so let's just assume I have no real bearing on what I'm doing or where to begin.
I live on the WA/OR border where the Columbia meets the Pacific and am looking to get myself setup with my first rod and tackle as I'd like to start fishing the local lakes and estuaries around me.
These are the circumstances that will affect my gear choices: 1.) My locale - Living at the literal mouth of the Columbia River (Astoria/Hammond, OR up to Ilwaco/Long Beach, WA and the surrounding areas) offers me a slew of bangers when it comes to the native fish and waterways being that there are streams, rivers, lakes, ocean, saltwater, freshwater, brackish water - blah, blah, blah - everything all at once. It's exciting, but overwhelming - with each new thing I learn, I realize how much more there is to find out. 2.) The primary use case for the gear I'm currently seeking is to fish from my Tucktec folding kayak, and ideally being able to accommodate a secondary use case of being able to pack in my rod and tackle on quick jaunts to more secluded waters in the area - I'm aware this may be where I just don't get to have the best of both worlds and may have to choose between the ability to pack it down and strap it to the side of my pack to bushwhack with and having it be an ideal rod for kayaking. I really just want to be able to grab my rod and tackle, get in my car, and be able to hop out with what I've got w/ me whenever I find myself in an area w/ a nice fishing spot that is accessible by foot or boat and just go!
I have seen some general recommendations of using around a 6.5'-8' rod on a kayak, and I most often see a 7' rod recommended - w/ the caveat of potentially adding a little length going up to 8' if fishing saltwater - given my locale, its really hard to say if I'll be in fresh, salt, or brackish water at any given time w/ all the coast, estuaries and lakes at my disposal it could really go any way. Even if I'm not kayaking out in the actual open waters of the Columbia, smaller estuaries that I might find myself in have that brackish water that I'm unsure whether to treat as fresh or saltwater when selecting gear.
Do I overcompensate as a foolproofing/failsafe measure and treat it like I'm generally fishing saltwater to handle the larger fish I'd encounter in those estuaries, or actual ocean if I'm on foot on the Washington side? Or do I go in with the intention of using a dedicated lake setup for fishing Bass, Steelhead and the smaller panfish that I'd encounter fishing Coffenbury Lake, Cullaby Lake, and other contained bodies of water and accept the fact that much like motorcycling, an "all-'rounder" or "dual sport" is more often than not underperforming and disappointing whether you're on the interstate or off the beaten path and one is usually better off just having dedicated bikes for dirt and street to really get that dialed in performance, rather than getting the worst of both worlds in one place. If that is in fact that case, then I guess I'm on the hunt for TWO rod/reel combos. One for fishing the local freshwater lakes, and a second for fishing the brackish water on the banks and estuaries.
I am trying my best to learn, but I don't know a lot about whats what seasonally as far as fishing goes, I just know prime time for bass fishing was a few months ago as its getting warmer now. Tips on what I should be looking to fish for NOW and in the coming summefall months in this region would be greatly appreciated, I'm so eager to learn!
I know gear is subjective, and that if I take to angling I'll end up amassing a ton of it for the changing seasons and types of fishing I take a shine to, and let's be honest, just for the hell of it. Right now, though? I just want to get myself a daily driver so that I can stop pulling my hair out researching and GET OUT ON THE WATER ALREADY!
The goal is just to have enough fun in the process to not get discouraged from learning the art of angling, as I'd like it to become a staple source of communion with nature and a still chamber for reflection in my day-to-day life. I don't have any fishing buddies to offer moral support or get tips in this field, and I don't want to get myself in over my head and end up discouraged w/ gear that just sits gathering dust!
OH, and lastly on the note of the general 7' recommendation for kayak fishing, that seems to be a fairly universal ballpark on length, but I stumbled across Emmrod fishing rods - specifically the Emmrod Kayak King and the Emrod Packrod - they're funky little guys but they look bombproof, stowable, have swappable rod ends and they even have a model called the Kayak King - its only 27" assembled, half that packed, and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with the Emmrod rods as they honestly look like they'd fit the bill for both kayaking and packing in to secluded lakes and streams for me PERFECTLY, but they go against most of what I've gleaned about kayak fishing so far being a whole 5' shy of 7' and I worry that I'm just falling blindly for the idea of the Emmrod because it's unlike anything I've ever seen in the sea of other rods I'm trying to take my pick from, and on paper it says its exactly what I'm looking for and has swappable parts making it pique my interest that much more as I just love modular systems. Someone please, SOUND OFF!
So, tell me what rod/reel YOU'D go for. Tell me why I should not get the Emmrod and get a normal rod like a normal person, or better yet, tell me about your experience with the Emmrod and why it'd be perfect for me after all! Emmrod aside, all recommendations and tips for fishing this incredible area and what gear is going to make it an enjoyable experience for me and the fish I meet is welcomed and encouraged!
Thanks to anyone who made it this far and has any advice to offer, maybe I'll see you out there!

I first started noticing that something was wrong around 3 months ago. At the time, I was working from home and would usually light a scented candle while I worked, which usually helped me relax and stay focused on my work. I would usually burn through a candle a week, but over time, the candles started to take less time to fully burn up. At first, I thought that this was because of a change in ingredients the company that made the candles used, but the problem persisted after I switched candle brands, which I once again blamed on the candle manufacturers.
I kept this belief for another week until the first incident. While getting up from my computer desk, which faces away from the candle, to take a quick bathroom break, I caught a glimpse of the lit candle. A two-inch layer of molten wax rested on another three-inch layer of solid wax, the wicks rising out at first and being somewhat visible through the molten layer, finally breaking the surface and being slowly burned away. The flames flickered as I swung the door open and walked out of the room. When I returned 10 minutes later, the molten layer was gone, and the wicks had been shortened so that the flames rested right above the solid layer of the wax. At first, I thought that the glass jar that contained the candle was leaking, but after a short inspection, I was only able to find two small drops of candle wax that had solidified right next to the candle on the bedside table. I still had 2 hours of work left to do, but I was too lost in thought and was unable to do any work for the rest of the day.
Every night before I go to sleep, I like to read for at least 30 minutes, and while reading, I usually light a candle. Around 4 days later, I had mostly forgotten about the incident and went back to using candles. Due to my naivety, it returned.
I fell asleep while reading with a candle lit on my bedside table. I woke up to loud slurping noises. As I opened my eyes, the brightness of the light I had not turned off almost blinded me. As my eyes tried to readjust to the light and focus on what was in front of me, I saw a somewhat humanoid dark gray to light blue blur that contrasted with the white paint on the walls behind it. Another gray line stretched from the shape's head to the candle on my bedside table. I could feel my heart skip five consecutive beats. I opened my mouth and tried to force out a scream for help, but the pressure I applied to my throat was way beyond what it was able to handle, leading me to only produce a light wheezing sound. I tried to sit up or to at least prop myself up, but my muscles failed me. Trying to push myself up with my arms felt impossible. As I stared at the figure that had suddenly appeared in my room, my eyes finally managed to focus, making it possible for me to see the intruder who was now staring at me. The figure was a man at least 7 feet tall, fully naked; he looked bloated; his eyes were bloodshot and looked like they would pop out of their sockets; at any point, his skin was a grayish light blue.
HIS LIPS
His lips extended from his mouth like an elephant's trunk, which had been split in half. The lips extended from the man's face to the candle; the flames had been put out. He was using his lips as a makeshift straw, slowly sucking up all the molten wax from the candle, which had fully liquified while I was asleep. I laid in bed, unable to move, unable to scream for help, staring until he emptied the jar. His lips retracted back to his face, the molten wax solidifying on their tips and cracking, flakes of wax falling off the man's lips and falling to the floor. The man grinned, staring at me. The ridges and gaps between the teeth were filled in with wax, making it impossible to make out where one tooth ended and the next one began. The man opened the door he was standing next to, but instead of walking out of the room, he stepped behind it. His face peered at me from above the door, and then once again, like he had done to drink the wax, the man puckered his lips, which stretched from his mouth and floated to me. I shook and tried to roll over away from him. I wanted to get up and run, but my fear had taken over my body. Tears flowed from my eyes. He kissed me on the cheek, leaving flakes of wax and light moisture. He retracted his lips and lowered his head behind the door.
I don't remember falling asleep, but when I woke up, I saw the empty glass jar, which at one point contained the candle. Even though I had hoped that what had happened was a dream, it wasn't. I still had flakes of wax on my cheek, and on my bedroom floor, the wax in the jar had disappeared. I called the police, but they were unable to find anyone in my apartment; they also could not find any evidence of a break-in.
After the break-in, I started looking for a new apartment to move to, thinking that the man was tied to the building I was in, but even though I had thrown out all of my candles, I could not stomach spending another hour in my apartment, constantly looking over my shoulder or walking around with my back pressed up against the wall to not allow it to creep up on me. Thankfully, my friend Emma was able to let me stay over at her apartment while I looked for a new one for myself.
Me and Emma have been friends since we were 8, and we've been there to support each other when times get rough. This isn’t the first time I've had to stay over at her house for an extended amount of time; in fact, I have had to stay over at Emma’s as many times as she has had to stay over at my apartment, whether it was because of evictions after losing a job, breakups, or a candle wax drinking squatter. I didn't even know if it was human. I mean, sure, it looked like one, but human lips are not supposed to do what his did, and somehow it didn't have a reaction to molten wax being poured down its esophagus. I didn't tell Emma about what happened—the details at least—I just told her that a man had broken into my house and was watching me sleep. The only people I told the truth to were my therapist and the cops, and all of them disregarded what I told them as my mind making things up after a traumatic event.
For a while, I believed what they said—I mean, why wouldn’t I?—but then I started seeing him again. For a few days, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again like it had done during the night of the incident. For split seconds out of the corner of my eye, I would see the outline of a tall, bloated figure. At first, they were hours apart, but after a while, it became constant. He was standing in each room I passed, in every single dark corner I glanced past, and then he spoke.
“FeeD MeEeee”
It stood in the kitchen, peering over from a small gap between the fridge and the sink, where the trash can that had been knocked over onto its side usually stood. His voice was raspy, and every word that came out of his mouth was distorted as if he were gargling water, but still, I could somehow clearly make out each word he said from over 15 feet away.
“Please just leave me alone I… why are you following me?”
I shouted at the figure, the same fear that had taken over my body during the night I saw him for the first time paralyzing me, making it impossible for me to move anything other than my eyes, eyelids, and mouth.
“i’M sTarviNg, I nEEd You To FeEd ME”
It replied again. Now, stepping out from behind the fridge, he stepped directly onto a rotten banana. Its mushy brown content’s seeping out of the peel under the pressure of his decomposing foot, which was covered in scabs, and took up the same grayish light blue color as the rest of his body. He mostly looked the same; his bloodshot eyes bulged from their sockets, but now his tongue was swollen. It peeked out from between his bloated, cracked gray lips; it stared at me, waiting for an answer.
“Ok, I’ll.. I’ll feed you, but please just... leave me alone.”
I replied, the tone of my voice shifting into high-pitched squeals with every quick breath I took. He looked satisfied by my response. He somehow squeezed his bloated body back into the gap that was at least four times smaller than him. After peering over at me from above the fridge, he bent over backwards, his spine releasing a series of sickening cracks until he was fully obscured by the fridge, and then he vanished.
Still barely in control of my body, I limped over to the couch tucked away in the back corner of the living room, it took me at least 10 minutes to steady my breathing and 20 more to fully regain control of my body again but as soon as I did I ran out the house and to the nearest store, during the 15-minute walk he stared at me through dark windows and the backs of cars, peered out at me from gaps between leaves in the trees and bushes, he even followed me into the store staring at me from the middle of deserted isles before disappearing right before my eyes were able to fully catch him, once I finally got the candles I randomly picked four off of the shelves and rushed to the self checkout.
When I arrived home, I had 2 hours before Emma got off work. I didn't want to feed it while she was home, and I didn't want her to see it. I pulled out two of the candles from the black plastic bag and placed them on the kitchen table, the first a light blue candle named “Garden Rain” and the second a red candle named “Juicy Watermelon." I pulled out a lighter from one of the drawers Emma used after her stove stopped lighting on its own and lit each of the 6 wicks on the candles. As soon as I started seeing the wax melt under the heat of the burning wicks, I dropped the lighter onto the table next to the candles and ran out of the room. I could not stomach seeing that thing again; even just thinking about it made me shudder and hyperventilate. The paralyzing fear that seeing him caused me made me want to vomit.
At least 30 minutes later I started to hear it drink even though the living room and kitchen were separated by a wall, even though I had closed the door I could still hear what at first started as slurping sounds which were followed up by loud gulps, then it stopped, and once again 30 minutes later it started drinking, as the slurping started once again I heard the door to the apartment crack open, it was Emma, as she stepped through the door I saw her carrying two large brown paper bags of groceries in her hands, she was headed to the kitchen.
“Hey let me grab those for you”
I said running over to her, my voice shaking.
“Oh, thanks. Are you… okay, you look scared?”
My eyes shot wide open in a mixture of fear and surprise. I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Yeah just umm… I didn't expect you to come home so early and I got a bit spooked”
“shit sorry, I know I should have called you, work let me off early today,”
I started to turn away from her walking to the kitchen.
Trying to keep her away from the kitchen I told her to wait for me in the living room because I wanted to talk to her about something. I didn't know what I would talk to her about but that was a problem for future me to resolve, somehow it worked.
“What's that sound?”
She called out to me while walking towards the living room couch. It took me a few seconds to come up with an excuse.
“I think it’s the sink, or the pipes at least”
I opened the door to the kitchen with my eyes closed at first hesitant to look knowing what would be greeting me. slowly prying my eyes open I started to see its outline, my muscles started to lose strength as the details of the man came into my view, I felt the grocery bags start to slip from my arms, my knees buckled, face first I fell onto the kitchen floor scattering the groceries all over the floor, I mixture of a light scream and a yelp escaped from my mouth as my body made contact with the floor, Emma concerned for my safety ran into the kitchen, she didn't scream, using all of the strength and mobility I had left in my muscles I rolled over expecting to see her face drenched in terror, her body frozen still unable to move just like my body had done the first time that I saw him, but Emma looked concerned, the man was gone, she crouched down beside me.
“Oh my god are you ok? What happened?”
I looked around observing my surroundings.
“I um… I… I tripped on the little thing at the bottom of the doorframe”
I finally managed to blurt out another excuse, not being able to remember what the name of a door sill was. I started to sit up using a part of the energy that had returned to my body, pain pulsed through my chest and arms, Emma looked at me with a concerned face.
“You've been acting really weird since I got home, are you sure you're ok?”
“Yeah… I think I’m just having one of those days you know”
The confusion on Emma’s face said that she didn’t know and to be honest I didn't either, I guess my luck of pulling random excuses out of my ass ran out, Emma thought that she triggered some sort of PTSD response after barging into the house unannounced at first apologizing then trying to change the subject to stop my trembling which I was still unsuccessfully trying to hide from her.
“Did you buy candles?”
Emma asked picking the groceries apart from the garbage that spilled out the can that the man had knocked over, placing them on the table next to the now half-empty glass jars, the flames flickered above the inch or so of molten wax the man was unable to finish drinking.
“Yeah I’ve been struggling with work lately, they usually help me focus”
“Huh Interesting combination you’ve got going on here”
She looked at me and smiled slightly, I smiled back and chuckled to seem normal.
“Yeah even I don't know what I was trying to accomplish here, to be honest”
I tried to help Emma clean up the spilled groceries but she did not let me, she told me that I needed to recover like I had been in a car crash instead of having taken a little tumble. After a few seconds of silence, Emma spoke again.
“Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about earlier?”
A quick jolt of stress shot through my body, in a jumbled mess of lies and fear I had forgotten what I had told Emma, I sat there in silence for a few seconds unable to come up with an excuse
“I…umm… I don’t remember, it wasn't anything serious though”
“Damn did you hit your head too?”
She said once again proudly smiling at her joke.
At this point Emma picked up the last bag of potato chips from the floor and placed it on the table, then she opened the fridge and started loading the groceries into it.
“Anyway I gotta go get back to work’’
I blurted out after a few more seconds of awkward silence.
“Alright well good luck”
I walked over into the living room and sat down in front of my workstation, which now consisted of a laptop sitting on a small foldable TV tray that had just barely enough room left on it to fit a small USB mouse.
The last thing I remember, before I fell asleep, was me mindlessly scrolling through apartment listings while Emma watched a random 90’s horror movie I’m positive only had a budget of $500.
I woke up with a light stinging pain shooting through my dry throat, and a dim hissing sound caused by thousands of water drops striking the ground outside filled the room. I pressed the spacebar on my laptop, the brightness of the screen blinding me temporarily, after taking a few seconds to let my eyes readjust I managed to make out the time, 3:45 AM. A strong smell I was unable to make out the origin of assaulted my nostrils. Lavender.
The smell hitting my nose had the same effect on me that I would expect smelling salts would have on a weightlifter right before they set a world record. Before I knew it my legs were moving on their own at an almost uncontrollable pace, fighting back against my mind which was telling them to slow down after years of being used to navigating both mine and Emma’s apartment as steadily as possible to not bother the neighbors.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity I stood before Emma’s bedroom door, a faint, yellow, pulsating light radiated from a lamp and snuck out of a small gap between the door and the doorframe, reluctantly I pushed my left hand up against the door, my right hand grasping onto the door frame for a sense of stability, once the door was fully agape I scanned the inside of the room my heart skipping a beat for every humanoid shadow cast up onto the wall by the lights from the wicks which were set ablaze and were being slowly burnt away.
I walked into Emma’s room and made my way over to her bedside table to put out the candle, as I stepped closer towards her, her face became more defined, I could finally make out her features, she was awake, but no she could not have been, even though her eyes were wide open they never blinked, she didn't even move slightly, as I moved closer I finally managed to fully make out the expression of pure terror on her face, her mouth wide agape as if she was about to release a deafening screach, but she could not have, a single drop of solidified wax dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and clung to her cheek, my eyes traced the cream colored path back towards her mouth, first up her cheek then between the corner of her mouth and finally behind her teeth, there instead of her tongue or the roof of her mouth I saw a wall of wax which had filled in the entirety of her mouth.
I fell to my knees and hunched forward supporting my body weight with my arms, I was too late, I resisted the urge to vomit and got back up onto my feet, a mixture of tears and snot slid down my face and onto my lips, shaking now I slowly started limping over towards my phone which I had left on the couch next to where I had awoken just minutes before, just minutes before my life was destroyed because of my lies if I had just told Emma what I had gone through, if I had just told her what had happened on the night of the incident which now seemed trivial, even if she thought that I was crazy, I know that she would have complied just to make me feel comfortable.
It took me at least 30 seconds of repeated attempts to stabilize my hands enough to properly dial 911. “Someone broke into my apartment and hurt my friend” was the only reasonable explanation I could come up with that would not get the operator to hang up on me thinking that this was a prank call.
I sat there in the living room for an agonizing 10 minutes, crying, my sadness slowly transformed into anger towards myself, and my mind raced thinking of all the lies I’d told, I kept thinking that if I had just told her the truth she would not have been laying there in her bed, her body bloated, “every single orifice has signs of forced penetration and has been filled with what seems to be candle wax” is what was written on her autopsy report.
For a few days I was the main suspect in Emma’s murder, but due to the almost unstoppable crying and the unresponsive state that I was in when the police arrived, mixed with the lack of evidence of me having a way to produce 30 pounds of candle wax led to me being released out of police custody, but because I was the main suspect I was not told any details about what had fully happened to Emma, for days all I had to work off of was the image of her face frozen in terror, and a short glance I caught of her bloated body as she was being carted out on a stretcher.
I recounted every single word of our last conversations over and over again until they became permanently etched into my brain.
Emma’s parents originally wanted to cremate her, as that is what she had somewhat jokingly asked for whenever the topic of funerals came up, well she had joked about wanting to have had unpopped popcorn shoved down her throat before she was sent off to “scare the shit out of the guy cremating me” but due to all the wax which would have been impossible to get out of her body they were forced to bury her.
A few days before Emma’s funeral her body disappeared.
After Emma’s death, her parents took me into their home, after reading the autopsy reports and seeing her corpse they had thrown out every single candle they owned which made their home the safest choice I had, still, this did not stop me from buying a machete and keeping it under my bed, just in case.
I was laying on the bed in their guest bedroom The day that the police informed Emma’s parents about her disappearance, the bedroom is right above the front porch of the house, at first I heard them ring the doorbell which was followed up by 3 powerful knocks on the door, for about a minute I laid there on the bed listening to muffled voices exchanging distorted words I was barely able to make out which slowly transformed into distorted weeps, curious I lifted myself up from the bed, made my way over to the window and carefully lifted the bottom panel making Shure to not make too much noise, the distorted muffled sounds started forming into coherent words “We checked the security footage but the only strange thing we could see was a 5 second time jump” one of the officers spoke in a serious and almost monotone voice “which meant that the security guard who was the only person in the building had to climb down 2 flights of stairs walk through a 40 foot long hallway and then drag her body back up stairs and out of the building in 5 seconds” Emma’s mom let out yelp “ but don’t worry ma'am that’s actually good news because we know that her corpse is still somewhere within the building and was probably brought to the wrong floor by an intern, we’ve already warned all of the staff at the hospital to keep an eye out, and we also sent 5 officers to search the hospital”
I could not believe what I was hearing, my breathing quickened, but this time instead of fear I felt anger, that fucker stole her corpse and was probably in the weird separate plane of existence he always went back to after terrorizing me, cutting off chunks of her body, melting her, and drinking her.
I closed the window Emma’s mom's cries once again turned into a muffled rumble which was only possible to make out if you knew what to look for, I took a few steps back away from the window planning to lay back down, not wanting to bother Emma’s parents. I bumped into something, not something, someone, its fleshy towering form as solid as a wall sent me tumbling forward, I knew it was him, he had returned to take me too, to stretch his swollen cracked lips, push them down my esophagus, fill my lungs and stomach with wax. But despite all of that this time I was not scared, I was angry, and I was not going to stand there in terror like I had the last time I saw him.
I fell forward onto my knees my face missing the window sill just by mere inches, I put my hands onto the floor, lifted one of my knees, and rotated 180 degrees now facing the monster, to the right of him pushed up against the wall was the bed, light from the sun reflected off of the metallic button which kept my machete in it’s sheathe, the man started to stretch his lips, they were moving towards me, waving a wiggling through the air like a snake slithering towards me.
I dove towards the bed one of my feet pushing off of the floor and the other pushing against the wall which creaked under the pressure applied to it, I flew for a few moments before slamming down onto the carpet and sliding forward, the heat generated by my skin brushing against the carpet released a sharp stinging pain throughout my body, my outstretched arm landed just a few inches short of the machete, I quickly bent my arms, pushing my body up and crawled towards the machete. my fingers wrapped around the handle I spun around, my back pushed up against the bedside table, once again facing the man, he was still facing the window but his lips faced me and were just a few feet away from me, for what felt like minutes but was most likely no longer than a second, I struggled to hook my finger under the strap securing the machete into its sheath, as the lips inched towards me the man started producing gurgling noises, he was regurgitation wax.
I finally pulled the machete out of its sheath, I swung the blade at the man's lips, the blade was not met with any resistance as it sliced through the man’s lips which landed on the carpeted floor with an audible thud, the man did not have a physical reaction to my counter-attack, his lips kept creeping towards me, once again I slashed at the lips, still no reaction, I repeated this at least 3 more times.
I wanted to kill him, I wanted to take revenge for what he had done to Emma, but fighting back was pointless. I realized that no matter how much I tried to hurt it, I could not kill him, I could not get rid of him.
My rage dissipated and a mixture of fear and sadness crept in, and soon took over my body, I screamed for help, I screamed in fear, in agony, tears streamed down my face as the man's lips finally reached my face, he wasn’t met with any resistance as his lips snuck between mine, pried my jaw open and finally started to slide down my esophagus.
I heard the cops run up the stairs, they started banging on the door asking if I was okay only to have been met with muffled screams, hot wax started to pour down inside of me, the stinging pain of the heat made me want to plunge the machete which I had dropped onto the ground next to me into my stomach to create a gaping wound that the wax would hopefully funnel out of, the texture of the man's slippery, oily lips matched with the poison like flavor of the wax caused me to start gagging, I felt my insides bulging like at any moment my intestines would have been filled to the point where they would pop, I wanted to vomit, the drain myself of the filth I was filled with, but his lips had plugged my throat not allowing anything to get out.
Hearing my muffled screams the cops started kicking the door down, the man retracted his lips, the suction aided my attempts at cleansing my insides, I got onto my hands and knees streams of molten wax pouring out of me, solidifying on the the carpet, with another loud thud the door swung open slamming into the wall, the man was gone.
That’s the last thing I remember before I passed out, but according to one of the doctors who was in the ambulance that brought me to the hospital, I was still semi-responsive during the first 10 minutes of the ride to the hospital.
Approximately 13.4 pounds of wax were removed from my body, the doctors said that I was in a critical condition and some of them did not expect me to make it.
One of the officers who was there the day the man attacked me took a report of what had happened to me, due to the unmistakable evidence of what had happened to both me and Emma, and the fact that this was the 3rd instance of me reporting something like this the police finally started investigating who this man might have been.
Around a month later I was discharged from the hospital and once again have been staying in the living room of Emma’s parent's house.
I’ve been seeing the man again, candles were not allowed in the hospital I stayed at, which means that he’s probably very hungry, he’s close to attacking me again, I know it, he wants to finish what he started and I don't know if I have the power to fight back, I’m not sure if defeating him is even possible, I’m tired.
I’ve been seeing Emma too, her bloated, reanimated corpse often appears to be standing next to the man. If I let him take me will I get to join them? I’ve tried asking but they don’t answer, they just stare, I can’t keep living in constant fear, always looking over my shoulder, I miss Emma.

Suddenly, the plane was flying upright again, both engines were operational, and the windows were intact.
Trash and debris was scattered everywhere.
We all either fell from the wall, or rolled off the pinball machines onto the floor.
The unconscious ones just laid there.
I got up and ran to Donna immediately, “Are you ok, beautiful?”, I asked.
“Yes! My knee hurts a little, but I’m ok!”, she answered.
“Sit down, Babe! I’ll rub it!”, I said.
She did, and I rubbed her knee.
Now, most peoples perception of guys in Heavy Metal bands are that they are all chauvinistic pigs, believing that they are “better” than everyone else, including their fans, or misogynistic assholes, only looking to get laid.
That perception is wrong.
Although many guys do fit that criteria, not all are like that.
I am a hopeless romantic by nature. Sue me.
Anyway, Bob then snapped his fingers, and the entire mess was cleaned up instantly.
“Ta-da!”, he said.
“What the FUCK just happened?”, Derek said angrily, sitting up and holding his hand over his left eye.
The 2 conscious girls were just sitting there holding each other crying.
“How did we…”, Ricky started to say, but grabbed the back of his head, and grimaced in pain, as he too sat up.
Corey leaned up on his left arm, and started to say, “Yeah! We were falling…”, he began.
Bob then cut him off by shouting like any worried father would, “REBECCA! Are you alright, my dear?”, as Corey got up and grabbed some napkins from the sandwich station to hold against his bottom lip.
He then took a seat at the table.
“Yes, Daddy! I’m fine!”, Rebecca answered.
“What were you thinking, dear?”, Bob asked her.
“Um! I- I don’t know! I- I saw the girls, and- and I guess I got jealous. I’m sorry, Daddy!”, she said.
“Don’t apologize to me, dear! A little plane crash wouldn’t have hurt me at all. I am the Devil, remember? You need to apologize to Mr. Hard-Sell, Donna, those two girls there, and as soon as they wake up,Tony, and the rest of the girls.”, Bob stated.
Now, in case you’re wondering why Bob didn’t tell Rebecca to apologize to Derek, Corey, Ricky, or Stephen, that’s because they would not have been killed for real. They were already dead, and would just come back to life, remember?
Bob then continued, “Now, go get changed, grab your little bandage bag, and help with the injured.”, Bob instructed.
“Yes, Daddy!”, She said embarrassingly, “It’s called a first aid kit.”
She then turned and slowly disappeared behind the curtain, her tail dragging on the floor once again.
At the same time, we heard the intercom pop again, “Sir! The craziest thing just happened. I- I don’t know. Um, I lost control, now I have control, and we’re back on course! All systems go here. I’ve got a really bad headache though, Sir!”
I didn’t think demons could feel pain, well besides getting hit with Holy Water.
Anyway, Bob then walked over to me, whispered in my right ear, “They’re going to ask questions. You’re going to have to explain this.”, he said.
I just nodded, “I know!”, I responded.
“I will tell them I did it, to take the pressure off of you, for a price of course!”, Bob said.
“”One deal per customer!”, that’s what you told Stacy!”, I said.
“I didn’t like her! I like you! So l’m willing to bend the rules, so to speak.”, Bob replied.
“No, Bob! No more deals. My first deal got me in this mess. I can just imagine what kind of fucked-up shit this one would bring. I’ll tell them the truth. I’ll tell them I did it.”, I shot back.
“Very well, Mr. Hard-Sell. Have it your way!” Bob stated, and walked away.
“What are you two talking about?”, Derek asked, now standing.
“Nothing, Dude! We’ll talk about it later!”, I said.
“Fuck that, Dude! I heard the word “Deal”, you’re not going solo like Satriani and Vai, are you?”, he asked.
“What?”, Corey asked, still covering his lip.
“Mikey! You’re leaving?”, Ricky asked, concerned.
“No, Guys! I’m not making any deals! I’m not leaving!, and I’m not going solo! We… Will Talk… About this… LATER!”, I shouted.
“Alright, Man!”, “Okay, Dude!”, “Sorry, Mikey!”, they all said in response.
Derek and Corey then went to get a beer, then sat at the table.
Ricky just stood there.
Rebecca then came back through the curtain, bouncing like she did before.
This time she wore a “Naughty Nurse’s outfit, cut lower, and higher than the stewardess outfit.
She had a Stethoscope around her neck, white stockings on her legs, a Red Cross on her hat, and a pair of those comfortable white walking shoes that real nurses wear, carrying a suitcase sized first aid kit.
“Tell me where it hurts, Boys!”, she said smiling.
“REBECCA!”, Bob yelled, as the girls stared her down.
“It was worth a try, Daddy!”, she responded, and then went to tend to the unconscious.
She used one pack of smelling salts to wake up Stephen and the girls. But had to use three to wake up Tony, who, after waking up, ran to his girls, just like I did, and began to console them.
They all appeared to be uninjured, except for a severe headache.
“Oh no! My accordion!”, Tony said loudly, then rushed to retrieve it.
He put the strap over his shoulder and played a few notes. They kinda rocked to be honest.
“Still works, Mike!”, he said and gave me a thumbs up.
Anyway, Rebecca wrapped Ricky’s head in gauze, put a huge blue Band-Aid on Derek’s forehead, after using a Sani-wipe to remove all the blood.
She then went to Corey.
In true Rebecca fashion, she slowly bent over, her cleavage directly in his face, then slowly bent her knees until they hit the floor.
She slowly leaned forward, and began dabbing his bottom lip with a gauze, softly moaning, puckering her lips, and moving closer to Corey’s face, as he tried to pull away.
She gently opened her mouth, and moved in fast to kiss Corey, when the black haired girl stood up and screamed, “Hey, He’s mine!”
She then took a step toward Rebecca, who stood up quickly, dropping the gauze, and turned to face her.
Rebecca’s eyes were extremely bright, and her tail was fully erect behind her.
I thought we were gonna see a “Cat Fight”.
But Bob intervened, as he stepped in between them, looking intensely at Rebecca.
“Stop This! Go tend to Edgar, NOW!, and stay there until you are called!… Go!”, he shouted.
Rebecca then huffed, stomped her right foot, turned around, and muttered, “Bitch!”, as she walked through the curtain.
She never did apologize.
Now, in case you’re wondering why the plane was in pristine condition, after I said what I said, but there was shit everywhere, and some of us were still injured.
Well, it’s because you have to be very specific when using this “Gift”. All I asked for was the plane to be whole again, NOT to clean up the mess, or that there wouldn’t be any injuries. Got it?
Ok! Moving on!
Slowly, we all started resuming the things we were doing before Bob had his little talk with us, and Rebecca lost her mind.
After a while, Derek stood up, and said loudly, “Are we just going to ignore the fact that we were spiraling, out of control, headed for certain death. Well, some of you were! And then all of a sudden, WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU, MA’AM! Everything is back to normal. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, BOB?”
“Yeah!”, Corey said.
Everyone, including Tony and the girls, began asking questions and making comments in unison, all directed at Bob.
Bob just looked at me.
I nervously stood up, put my coffee cup on the table, cleared my throat and said loudly, “Okay! Okay! Settle down!… Um, Guys!…That was me!”
They all stopped talking at that point, and just stared at me questionably.
“You?”, Donna asked.
“Yes, Babe!… Me!”, I answered.
“You see, Guys! I have a gift…” I started to say.
“What kind of gift”, Tony asked.
“Yes, Please! Tell us, Mr. Hard-Sell!”, Bob said smirking.
“You’re an asshole, Bob!”, I remarked.
Bob then took both hands, and pointed to himself. “Devil!”, he said, still smirking.
All the girls screamed in fear, “The Devil!”
“Yes, Girls! But he’s a really nice guy, once you get to know him!”, I said, “Now, do you wanna hear what I have to say or not?”
“I wanna know!”, one of the blonde girls said.
I just looked at everyone, as they looked back at me.
“Well, Um!”, I started to say, dreading their response once I said it.
I took a deep breath, exhaled, and said, “I have the ability to get anything I want, all I have to do is say I want it.”
I used air quotes when I used the word want the second time.
I expected a barrage of requests, just like my parents did, but that did not happen.
The only question I got asked was from Stephen, “Have you ever used it on us, Dude?
I paused, then answered, “I’ve only used it a couple times, but, um, as far as I can remember, I only used it on you guys twice.”
“When?” Ricky asked.
“Um! Once, at the house, when we played all the songs perfectly, and once, also at the house, when Derek was doubting himself!”, I replied.
Everyone just looked at each other individually.
Derek than shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Cool!”
Everyone just agreed, and went back to what they were doing.
I sat down, wiping the sweat off my brow.
“I… want… you!”, Donna said smiling, and then kissed me.
The sun was starting to set as nightfall was slowly creeping in.
We sat and watched the sunset together, my arm around her shoulder, her head on mine.
I know you probably don’t care about all the lovey-dovey stuff between Donna and I, but it’s my story, so deal with it!
Anyway, the cabin lights turned on, dimly lighting up the room.
“Who wants to jam?”, Derek said.
The four of us then screamed, “Rock and Roll!” and began heading toward the “Gear” room, excited and ready to play
Tony grabbed his accordion.
Tony, Bob, and all the girls followed behind us.
Derek opened up the door.
What we saw… was the most horrific sight that any musician ever wants to see.
Our gear was completely destroyed.
I guess Bob only cleaned up the mess in the Hangout Room, because he knew about that mess. He had no idea what happened in the Gear Room.
Anyway, Two of the Marshall stacks had fallen on the drum kit, smashing them to the ground, all the guitars, except for one, were broken, their necks severed from their bases, with strings still attached, and strewn all over the room.
The one fully intact guitar, my coffee cup one, was spare headed, neck first, into one of the stacks.
The pedals and plug-ins were scattered everywhere.
The microphone stands were bent, and laying on the floor.
“Our endorsements!”, Ricky said.
“They’re trashed!”, Corey said.
We all just stood there in awe of what we saw.
“Can you fix this?”, Tony’s redhead asked.
“Yeah, Man! Do something, please!”, Derek said.
I walked into the room, thought about what I was going to say, took a deep breath, and said, “I want all of our gear to be returned to the condition they were in when we first toured this plane.”
In the blink of an eye, all our gear was back to pristine condition.
“Yeah, Baby!”, Derek shouted.
“You the Man, Dude!”, Corey said.
“No Fucking Way… You Rock!”, Ricky said, slapping me on the back.
“That’s freakin’ awesome!”, Stephen said.
“You did good, Babe!”, Donna said smiling.
We all then took our places,
Stephen went behind the drum kit. I grabbed my coffee cup guitar, Ricky grabbed his skull guitar, Derek grabbed his Black bass, and Corey stood behind the microphone. Ricky, Derek, and I plugged in, Corey turned his mic on, and we all just stood there.
We must have looked like something out of a car wreck, with Ricky looking like a mummy in his head wrap, Derek with his big blue, not noticeable at all, bandage on his forehead, and Corey with his busted lip.
Tony, holding his accordion, all the girls, and Bob, gathered in front of us.
“In My Heart!”, I called out. That’s a another song I wrote.
Stephen counted it off, and we jammed that song, while everyone, including Bob, was head banging, and rocking out.
Tony was mimicking playing the song on the accordion.
“Tear it down!”, I called out, when we finished “In my heart”.
That’s yet another… you get the idea, right?
Anyway, we played two more songs.
After the fourth song, we heard Edgar’s nasally voice once again, but it wasn’t from the intercom.
“Bravo!…Bravo… Encore!”, he said clapping from the doorway.
Everyone in the “audience” turned to look at him, the band just stepped to the side.
“Who’s flying the plane?”, Stephen asked.
“Rebecca!”, Edgar replied laughing.
We all began to freak out.
“Nah! I’m just kidding! I put the autopilot on!” Edgar quickly said, “I tried to page Mr. Belz to the cockpit, but he never came. I guess he couldn’t hear me. So, I came down here to get him. I heard your little concert, and came to have a listen. You guys rock!”
“What do you need Edgar?”, Bob asked.
“Well, Sir!…”, Edgar replied, “It’s almost time to land, and Um! I don’t know how to do that, Sir!”

If you’ve been around this subreddit for a while, you might be aware of Genshin Impact, an open-world Action RPG developed by Hoyoverse (formerly Mihoyo). However, the actual core gameplay of this game is not as important to this post as it is to others. Instead, the game’s gacha aspect and how it doles out its rewards is what is important here. If you know what gacha games are, feel free to skip this next paragraph.
Gacha games are free-to-play games that, instead of base pricing, battle passes, or direct microtransactions, base most of their revenue around the gacha, a randomized lottery system where you exchange some premium currency for the chance to get what you want. If you, say, wanted to get Jeanne D’Arc Alter in the game Fate/Grand Order, you would put premium currency (Saint Quartz) into her banner (special pool of characters and items). This submission then corresponds to a certain number of pulls, each of which has a set chance to get the character you want, and usually a larger chance to get characters and items of lower rarity. Additionally, many games have a “pity” system, which guarantees that you will get the character or item you are trying to pull for within a certain (usually large) number of pulls. Got all that? The key thing to understand is that while you can pay to get premium currency, this premium currency can also be gained “for free” through normal gameplay. This is the social contract between players and gacha game developers: have fair rates and generous rewards (preferably in that premium currency), and players will stick around to pay and play.
When it comes to Genshin Impact, this social contract between player and developer can be strained. Few would dispute Genshin’s overall quality: its story, exploration, characters, and general production values are through the roof compared to other gacha games and most games you can play for free on a phone.
However, the gacha system itself is considered to be quite strict: each pull on a limited banner has a 0.6% to summon the limited 5 star character. As such, many players will have to rely on the pity system to reliably acquire 5 star characters. The chance to get any 5 star will increase after 75 pulls, and on your 90th pull you are guaranteed to get a 5 star unit. Key word a 5-star unit, because this guarantee comes with the caveat of the dreaded “50/50”, where there is a chance of getting a standard banner item or character instead of the limited character you actually wanted. As such, to guarantee a limited character, you have to be prepared to spend upwards of 180 pulls on their banner. This would be fine if the game gave a lot of rewards, but that isn’t entirely the case: with 160 primogems per pull, the average player usually gets about 70 pulls per patch (a 6-week content cycle).
This has led to some grumblings and even outrage in the past when players have felt that Hoyo is too stingy with rewards (see 1st anniversary drama). Nevertheless, Genshin players have generally gotten used to this treatment and kept on playing. It’s not like there would be a better game coming along anyway. (Dun dun dun)

v3.6 and a new challenger approaches

On April 26, 2023, during Genshin Impact version 3.6, HoYoVerse announced the launch of a brand new gacha game named Honkai: Star Rail (HSR). Unlike Genshin, which is an open-world RPG with exploration as a key mechanic, HSR is a turn-based RPG without exploration that focuses more on combat.
From the instant its servers opened, HSR was compared to Genshin. Some of this was deliberate, as the two games are by the same developer and share many design elements:

• anime art style
• legacy “expy” characters like Bronya, Raiden Mei, Seele
• gacha (obviously)
• same gacha system (160 currency per pull, 90 hard pity, 50/50 mechanic)
• gear based on RNG
• and so on…

Both players and content creators gave HSR a go, both because of it being a new game by the same company, but also because of a phenomenon in Genshin’s yearly content cycle known as the “dry patches”. As mentioned before, Genshin releases its content in the form of 6-week-long patches, which contain new characters as well as events and sometimes main story content. However, the main story of Genshin is confined to Archon Quests, which only last for the first three patches of a version. This has caused many players to perceive patches released later in a version as “dry” and lacking in meaningful content. Sumeru was no exception, as the main quest wrapped in version 3.2, and by version 3.6 and the release of HSR, Genshin was in its usual lull season.
But there were also other grievances in the Genshin community at the time besides the usual complaints about dialogue or lack of endgame. Version 3.5 saw the release of Dehya, a highly anticipated character from the Sumeru Archon Quest, whose kit was generally considered underwhelming and disappointing. HoYoVerse did not respond to player requests to fix Dehya, and the main Genshin Impact subreddit blocked people’s complaints. While this could be an attempt to avoid spam, blocking all discussion of Dehya’s flawed gameplay resulted in even more anger among Dehya mains. While one could argue version 3.6 had content in the form of a new exploration region and story, it was another desert region, which people were growing a bit tired of. Suffice it to say, that many Genshin players were dissatisfied with the state of their game, and were looking to find other games.
To someone who might be burning out of Genshin, HSR had many attractive elements.

• a guaranteed standard 5-star in your first 50 pulls
• more humorous writing, without the involvement of a third party like Paimon
• Simulated Universe - an actual endgame mode
  • on the topic of endgame modes, HSR also has multiple endgame modes that test different characters’ strengths, but Genshin’s only endgame is the pure damage-focused Spiral Abyss
• more pulls (BUT: HSR releases more 5* characters, this will become relevant very quickly)
• auto-battle mode
• no time-gated materials
• PERMANENT EVENTS

Additionally, many of those elements listed above were not available in Genshin.
The full value of those features is a matter of personal taste, but overall, Genshin’s dry state made it easier for players to appreciate a sister game bursting with content. And so it went for several patches, with Genshin and HSR players scuffling back and forth about which game is better.

L + Ratio

In its version 1.6 Livestream, the HSR developers announced they would be giving out Dr. Ratio, the newest 5* character, for free as a thank-you gift to players for supporting the game. Importantly, this news came out of nowhere.
While a cynic might suggest that this was just a marketing tactic used to get players back in time for version 2.0, the sudden news poured gasoline on the Genshin/HSR civil war.
Infamously, unlike many of its contemporaries, Genshin has never given a 5* character for free. There has never been a standard banner selector, and while there was an early game rumor that players would obtain Kamisato Ayaka at AR42, this was misinformation that has become community layspeak for false rewards and not believing everything you hear. The closest they have ever come to that is giving out Aloy, a collab character who is widely regarded as bad and forgettable.
Moreover, Dr. Ratio was…a good unit. While some people believed he would be weak because he was free, they were quickly disproven once players were able to test him out. So not only was HSR giving out a free 5* character, but that free character was actually usable and competitive in the meta.
With that information in mind, the Genshin and HSR communities devolved into open warfare. The phrases “Genshin could never” and “Genshin is the middle child” were thrown around endlessly.

Why is Genshin Less Generous, Anyways?

There are several potential answers to this question.
Firstly, characters in Honkai Star Rail are probably cheaper to make. The game has a lot less freedom of movement, so characters have fewer moves to worry about. For example, in Genshin, characters can run, jump, glide, and swim in the overworld, but in HSR, characters can only run. Overall, this leads to characters taking less time and money to make, which then corresponds to a higher output of new characters. More rewards may be compensation for this increased flow.
Secondly, there’s the issue of competition. Genshin came out at a perfect time during the pandemic with a new gameplay model that had never been done before in a gacha game, which led to a first-mover advantage that the game still reaps the benefits of. Because of this advantage, Genshin does not have much in the way of viable competitors, so it may feel no need to try to retain players with many rewards.
This last reason is more of a conspiracy theory. While both Genshin and HSR are made by Hoyoverse, they do not share developer teams. Genshin is directed by one Cai Haoyu, a company co-founder who also directed Honkai Impact 3rd (Hi3). Hi3 was also known for being pretty stingy on rewards until Cai left as director. His replacement was David Jiang, whose arrival coincided with much more rewards for players. And Jiang is also the director for Honkai Star Rail. Hmmmmm….

Conclusion - What did we learn, if anything at all?

So why did this drama occur to begin with? One main reason is envy and the sunk cost fallacy. Gacha games demand a lot of time and money, so a player would want to make sure every last minute they give to the game is worth it. What if the game you spent thousands of hours and dollars on is disappointing? Walking away is difficult, because after all, you did spend thousands of hours and dollars on the game, and if you left that would all go to waste, right? (No it’s not). All you can do is wallow in the salt and betrayal.
As of right now, the drama between Genshin Impact and Honkai: Star Rail has mostly died down. Even when HSR celebrated its highly anticipated first anniversary, people weren’t raging or review-bombing the App Store, despite the fact that HSR technically gave more rewards and could thus be interpreted as “more generous”. While yes, there remain people who chant “Genshin could never” at everything Star Rail does, the majority of the player bases have moved on from the feud. After all, when all is said and done, player infighting benefits no one except for HoYoVerse themselves, who reap the profits no matter which game is marginally liked more.
If you ever feel like engaging in a flame war over two gacha games that only benefit the multimillion-dollar company running both of them, stop and take several deep breaths. It’s not worth your time.

Fortune opened the door to “Nezumi’s Spirits”, it was just past dawn, and they wanted to go watch the Junior’s competition before they got into the Arena. She was surprised to see quite a few extra people in the shop. Tambori and Faedrin were heating up Tambori’s tea, Irezumi was working out. Fortune was surprised to see a small, beautiful but pale woman sitting behind Echo, working with an ink covered needle and scribing in a tattoo. She didn’t have too long to watch uncomfortably as a very large man with a mask on was suddenly directly infront of her.
“Dad! It’s ok, that’s Fortune and Chance. They are expected.” The large man took his mask off, and wore a dumb smile on his face. He bowed to Fortune, his clouded eyes not seeming to see her, though it was obvious that he knew exactly where she was.
“Oh, so YOU’RE Fortune and Chance.” The man said, “It is good to meet you. I am Hibiki Nezumi.” He pointed to the small pale woman. “That is my wife, Lenore. Echo and Irezumi’s mother.”
Lenore stopped, took a moment to clean her tools, and stood, wiping off her hands. She gave a bow to Fortune and Chance. “It is good to meet you.” She said. She opened her mouth to say more, but Hibiki moved very suddenly. Fortune blinked and saw two young men hanging from either of Hibiki’s hands. Lenore laughed a moment and continued. “ This is Obake, and Rei. They are a few of the siblings that have come to watch Echo, Irezumi and Sakusei.” She put her finger in her mouth and whistled. From the back room came a parade of children. First, two girls, obviously twins as they were Identical, even down to the way they walked. They were holding two babies. “This is Kuro and Shiro. They are holding the newest of the their siblings, Sora and Riku.” Following them, were two more children, about 5 years old. “This is Neko and Karasu.” Next a young girl with a very serious face, she dressed oddly, compared to the rest. While they seemed to wear clothes of whites, blacks and browns.. This girl was dressed in pinks and greens. She gave a small curtsy as she was introduced. But no smile appeared on her face. “This is Sakusei’s sister, Sugure.” Finally, one more girl, about 16 years old, who looked like an identical clone of her mother. “And this is Majo.”
Fortune and Chance bowed deeply. “It is nice to meet you all.” Fortune said, she looked back at Echo, who was still seated on a stool at the end of the counter. “You really think getting a tattoo before the games today is a good idea?”
Echo shrugged, and patted the back of his shoulder with a Saki soaked cloth, then sprinkled some salt over it. “Mom’s been working on this piece for a long time. So, we take the opportunity when we can.” He said.
“That reminds me.” Lenore remembered. She went behind the counter and got a small scrap of paper, and drew a complex Character on it. She handed the paper to Fortune. “This is how you write ‘Echo’. Be careful, this little line is very important.” she pointed out the small line.
“Mom.. Geez..” Echo complained, the other kids and Irezumi laughed openly.
“What?” Lenore said. “It’s important for her to know. If she doesn’t put that line in, then it’s Hibiki.. and I don’t want her to make that mistake.”
“I’m sorry.” Fortune interrupted. “What? That little line is the difference between ‘Echo’ and ‘Hibiki’?”
“At home, in our language,” Lenore explained. “the word ‘Hibiki’ means ‘Echo’ in your language. I guess you could say, that Echo’s real name is ‘Hibiki Nezumi jr.’ but we found that confusing, so we call him Echo.”
“Oh, so, does ‘Irezumi’ mean ‘Lenore’?” Fortune asked.
“No.” Irezumi said simply, between pull ups.
“Oh…” Fortune said, after waiting for an explanation that didn’t seem to be coming. “So.. Why are you giving this to me?” She asked Lenore.
“For when the time is right.” She said, and patted Fortune’s hand. “Now, you all get moving. I don’t want you to miss out on the matches.”
“Majo, are you sure you don’t want to come? I can ask someone to watch the store, or we can just close down for the day.” Echo asked his sister
“Are you going to lose today?” Majo asked.
“Of course not.” Echo replied.
“Then I will get to see the next one, and Obake and Rei can watch the store then.” Majo said.
“Pfft.. Fat Chance.” One of the boys, still hanging from their father’s hands said.
Echo rolled his eyes at his brothers. “We will close the store until Sakusei’s match is over, and then I’ll open back up for the intermission. I would like you to be there.”
Majo smiled at her brother. “Thank you.” She said simply, and picked up a light cloak from a peg on the wall.
“Now.. We just have to wait for our Vanguard replacements to come… THEN we can leave.” Echo said.
**************************************************************************
Sakusei sent a series of clicks and whistles to Scraps.
“I have some food.” Scraps said, digging an old wedge of cheese out of his bag and brushing the worst of the mold off. He offered it to Sakusei.
Sakusei clicked again.
“Oh, yeah, I mean, if you want to try them, I guess.” Scraps said. “This way.”
Scraps led the young boy out of the contestants area, and out of the arena. They stopped in front of a street cart where a man was frying noodles.
“Two please! Extra onions and sprouts!” Scraps ordered. The man just nodded and started adding things into his wok.
“You think we’ll be able to catch up?” Scraps asked Sakusei. “I mean, in the points.. I guess we should have made a mistake.. Is that weird? I mean, to make a mistake on purpose, just for points?”
“You should ask your mom that.” A deep laugh came from behind the pair, along with the insult. “She would know about making mistakes.”
Scraps and Sakusei turned around to find a large Goliath boy, from one of the other teams laughing at them.
“How stupid do you have to be? Didn’t your coach tell you that you get points for fighting monsters? Besides, they were just goblins.” The boy ribbed. “I mean.. you didn’t even try.. Pretty sure you two should go tell your team to quit now. You should have been out earlier. Doubt you’re gonna catch up now.”
Sakusei gently pushed Scraps behind him, and growled threateningly at the Goliath boy, his eyes glued to the mask that the boy wore on the side of his head.
The boy and his friends roared with laughter, as Sakusei reached for his sword. “Go ahead, stupid. Bare steel and stab me in the street. It will disqualify you from the games. Do it.. then you can go home and cry to your mommy.”
Sakusei let his hand drop from his sword, but his glare, and growl remained.
“Sakusei! Scraps!” The Voice of Mr. Threadspinner called. They turned as he rushed up. He paid the noodle man a few coins, and handed Scraps and Sakusei their noodles. “Come on.. The Games are about to start!” He ushered them away, and back to their seats.
*******************************************************************************
“Welcome back to the Main Event!” The announcer’s voice echoed over the crowd. “For the First task in the Qadar Games. Our teams will have to secure a treasure!” a large cloud of mist suddenly filled the interiour of the Arena. After a moment or two, a gust of wind blew the mist away, revealing a rocky crag. Coiled around a the top of the Crag, the sibiliant form of a Basilisk curled around a golden egg. At the bottom of the rock, a large group of gnolls yipped and howled. “It seems this tribe of Gnolls has located a powerful Basilisk to worship as their tribes deity. It’s up to our adventurers to capture the egg before it can hatch and fullfill a dark prophecy!”
Tambori was simply a wreck. “A Basilisk? Who do they think we are? This is FAR too dangerous for a game.”
Irezumi and Echo glanced at each other. “It looks like a big snake.” Irezumi said.
“It IS a big snake.” Faedrin said.
Fortune sighed. “It’s a big snake that will turn you to stone if you look it in the eye. It’s very good at getting you to do it.”
Echo just nodded and began loosening up his shoulders.
Irezumi eyed the rock and the Gnolls. “If you can get me there, muscles here and I can get the egg back.” Irezumi pointed at Fortune with her thumb.
Echo turned around to face his team. “What do you all think?”
Faedrin thought for a moment. “Did you guys watch the juniors this morning?” she asked and they all nodded. “So.. Like, Sakusei’s team finished first.. but they didn’t get the most points.. I’m thinking this is similar. I’m betting we get additional points for every different ‘task’ we do. Like, I’m guessing that we’ll have to take the egg and place it in some sort of ‘safe zone’. That’s our timer. We get minimum points for simply completing the task. But, should we defeat the Basilisk and/or the Gnolls.. I’m guessing there are bonus points.”
Echo nodded in agreement. “I’m thinking the same thing.” He looked over at Tambori. “How long do you think you could hold off the Gnolls?”
************************************************************************
“You’re sure about this?” Fortune asked, holding Echo’s mask as he tied a blindfold on. “You’re going to take on a Basilisk, blindfolded and alone.”
“Blindfolded? Yes.” Echo said, making the last knot in his blindfold. “ Alone? Not exactly.”
“You get us up there, we’ll get the egg back here.” Irezumi said, pouring a bowl of sake, and placing it in the dirt, about ten feet from the “return zone” for the egg. “We’ll hold the Gnolls till you’re done, or they are.” She looked up to a cloudless sky. “I wish it were raining.” she said.
“You WANT rain?” Tambori asked, a bit wild around the eyes.
“Yeah…” Irezumi said with a slight thoughtful frown. “You ok, Tambori?”
“This is just.. Alot..” Tambori said, shaking from the nerves. “There are so many people.. and this is such an important thing..”
“Hey!” Irezumi shouted suddenly, taking Tambori by the shoulders. “We don’t have room for fear, here. If you drop your mind into a lake of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybe I should haves’ you’re going to lose it. It doesn’t matter if we have to fight a Basilisk, or Gnolls. Or if it’s a Hundred of each. The reality is, That’s what we have to do. So, it’s time to go to work.”
Tambori calmed herself. “You’re right.. No fear… No fear..” She took a deep breath, and gave a little smile. “You said, you wanted rain? I’ll bring you rain.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” Irezumi said, slapping her hard on the shoulder.
“How much time do you need?” Echo asked Tambori.
“I’ll need a minute to lay out the field. After that, it’s game on.” Tambori said.
“Faedrin, Chance…” Echo addressed the other two. “You guys able to defend Tambori for a while until Fortune and Irezumi get back?”
Chance just nodded. Faedrin glanced around to get her bearings. “I’m betting those Gnolls will wait until we try and take the egg. But even if they don’t, yes.”
“Is she really going to make it rain?” Irezumi leaned over and asked Fortune.
“She’s a Windsong.” Fortune said as if that explained everything. Irezumi simply gave her a flat stare. “So, most of the Vanguard follows Jax, the traveler. However, thats not a requirement to join the guild. Tambori is from a family that follows more than one power. The windsongs follow the Path, and The Storm. If she says she’s bringing rain. Get ready for it.”
Irezumi nodded, and Echo put his mask on over his blindfold. “We ready?” he asked
The others voiced their agreement.
Echo raised a hand toward the Judges, signalling that they were ready for their turn. A crisp clear bell sounded, signalling them to start.
Echo sprinted forward, drawing his sword. His free hand making motions as he ran, and he was suddenly flanked by four other beings, seemingly made of dark ink.
Fortune tensed to follow after him, but Irezumi reached out and put her hand on Fortune’s shoulder. “Bring the rain, Tambori.. You’re up.”
Tambori nodded and began her somatic movements. She added her mana to her movements, and clouds began to circle overhead. After a few seconds drops of rain began to fall.
“He’s reached the Gnolls.” Faedrin said, keeping her eyes on Echo. He parried a few strikes, but simply ran through them, and began bounding up the rock, dodging strikes from the basilisk.
“Get ready, muscles.” Irezumi said. “I hope you don’t get motion sickness. This is gonna be weird.”
Echo made it to the top of the rock, and leapt on the creature’s head. He stomped on it, and the Basilisk reared up, throwing him high into the air. Echo grabbed a bottle from his hip, and when he was over the egg, he threw the bottle. It broke right next to the egg.
“Alright, we’re on.” Irezumi said, her hand slid down Fortune’s arm and grasped her wrist. “Try not to puke.” She stepped into the bowl of Sake at her feet, and pulled Fortune with her.
Fortune felt like she was picked up, rolled into a ball, and thrown across a room. The spinning stopped and she realized her feet were on stone, and she was directly infront of the egg. “Pick it up!” Irezumi shouted, as she dodged a swipe from the Basilisk’s tail.
Fortune caught sight of Echo, he and his ink clones were harrasing the head of the giant snake. Slashing and stabbing, keeping it’s attention on him. “How does he…” She started to ask..
“It’s the sound.. He has really good ears!” Irezumi interrupted. “Now, stop oggling my brother and pick that damn egg up so we can get out of here!”
Fortune shook herself from her wonderment, and picked upt the large golden egg. It was extreemly heavy. “Got it.” She said, gritting her teeth.
“Good.” Irezumi said, returning to her side. “Hang on.” She took her arm again and stepped into a puddle of Sake and rainwater.
Fortune found herself back with the others. She went to set the egg down. “Watch it!” Irezumi said, and changed her angle a little bit so she would set the egg outside of the Safe zone. “Don’t want to end the fun just yet.”
“Here they come!” Faedrin said. Fortune looked up, to see all of the Gnolls charging their way. She could see Echo and his clones still fighting the Giant Basilisk.
“Looks like they made a poor choice.” Tambori said, as she finished her movements.. “Now this is MY show.” She said. Planting a foot down hard. She pulled her cloak off, and tightened a strap around her thigh. Fortune saw small nails on the inside of the strap bite into her skin. A loud crash of lightning came and struck her outstretched hand. Her mana rolled out of her as she started singing.
https://youtu.be/1EtDH3SYGJU
**************************************************************************
Venriath looked with interest at the games going on down below. He sat with Alonzo and Jynx, with both of them stealing his popcorn.
“Is that guy putting on a blindfold?” Jynx asked.
“Yup.. you know.. so he can’t see it’s eyes.” Alonzo said, stuffing more popcorn in his face.
“I get that.” Jynx said, “but, how is he going to get to the beast?”
“I dunno…” Alonzo said. “I guess that’s his problem.”
Jynx rolled her eyes.
“I’m more interested in what she’s doing.” Venriath said. “She’s prepping a transmutation field, but it’s huge. I can’t imagine what she’s going to be transmuting.”
“Herself.” Laurana said, as she sat down next to Alonzo, she handed Venriath some nachos.
“I doubt that highly.” Venriath said. “That’s extrodinarily dangerous. Like, remember when Noxian used to do that? I thought my heart would stop every time.”
Laurana laughed. “Why don’t you take a good look at her.”
Venriath did so, in truth, she looked a lot like a very tan Laurana. “I mean, she’s a Windsong.. I just assumed that you know. You and Alonzo…”
“Oh yes..” Laurana said. “When he sacrificed himself, he did, indeed leave me expecting. Which, we still have to talk about.” She said with a warning tone. “However.. That was hundreds of Generations ago. It just so happens, that Noxian’s blood also follows the Windsong name.”
Venriath paled a bit. “So, she can channel her power like Noxian.”
Laurana smiled and nodded.. “And she has my voice.”
Venriath paled a bit more. “So.. She can adjust her transformations with Spellsong? Wouldn’t that run the risk of a feedback loop?”
Laurana laughed. “Yup.. It’s pretty.. Dramatic.” She said and pointed.
Tambori began to sing, Her form elongated and her joints distorted. Electric arcs leapt from her body to the nearest Gnolls. On of her fist enlarged, and became like a shiney metal, that immediately heated up. She swung her huge fist, impacting several of the charging dogs. Her other hand raised and a huge fireball detonated in the main host of enemies.
The others closed ranks around the egg and began to hold off the few Gnolls that got past Tambori. Chance and Fortune ranged a bit, preferring to meet their challengers aggressively. The Two Aristi’s proving to be just as deadly as their name suggests. Faedrin stood guard with Irezumi at the Egg, only occaisionally having to use her shield to block an arrow, or make a few cuts against the lucky gnoll that managed to avoid the others.
It took only a few moments, before the Gnolls were gone, and shortly after, Echo drove his sword through the Basilisks skull, and rode the body down as it collapsed. He removed his blindfold as he returned to his party. He nodded to Fortune and Chance, and the twins picked up the egg, and placed it in the Safe zone, ending the task.

When I was 17 my family had two rescue dogs. One was a German Shepherd the family gave up because she was too wild. She'd destory things in the house like couches and shoes, whatever was left around her unattended. The final straw for the family was when she nipped one of their kids. We took her home with us and when we got home my dad and I sat out on front porch with her. We lived in the country. Dad told me to take her collar off and let her go free. I did. She ran around for hours until she tired herself from chasing chickens. Then she came back and sat beside me. From that moment on, she was the most behaved and intelligent dog I'd ever known. She'd listen to all commands and was just an incredible dog.
A year or two later we adopted another dog. A male Rottweiler. He had been locked in a room in a suburban home, was too vicious and had serious issues. If you pet him and stopped before he was satiated he'd growl and sometimes attack. He was pretty aggressive, but the rescue shepherd would hang with him and bring him toys when he'd get put in a kennel when he was acting out.
We had a driveway between our property and the other property to the north. The man who lived there had two daughters. He'd force his daughter to cut grass all summer and tend to his prized rose garden. Sometimes our Rottweiler would watch the girls. But he'd never crossed the two high fences because it was pretty impossible as they were solid barriers that were well maintained.
The man next door said we had to put the Rottweiler down, that he looked crazy. He had multiple conversations with my dad and dad would say "we are rehabing him. He'll never be able to cross those two fences. It's impossible."
The mans retort? "Well if they get bit I'll sue you for everything you own."
Dad said, "well then that works out for you then. You'll be rich!"
Months later I came home late night and my shepherd was acting funny. It was like she was drunk. Wobbly, stumbling. I took her to the vet and they asked if we had any antifreeze on the property. I said yes, we are a farm, but we keep all our chemicals locked up because we know dogs get into anything. They asked about rat poison. I said the same thing.
The vet told me that she'd been poisoned and they'd try to help. Unfortunately she ended up dying. I was a wreck. Our Rottweiler, though he wasn't poisoned, would no longer eat after the shepherd died. They were friends, probably his only true friend, and I am sure he died of depression. I was convinced it was my neighbor, 17 years we'd lived on that farm and my father was very diligent about poison control on the property. The way the girls acted around me changed and it made it certain for me that their father must've chucked a poisoned piece of meat into our yard.
A half a year or so later the man and his family moved a few miles away. Me and the girls went to HS together so I knew where they lived because there was only one school bus that serviced the kids in my rural area.
One night after driving home a little tipsy (I know, I was a dumb kid) I decided to take revenge. I'd been hearing on the bus about how her dad was making maple syrup now on their new property. I could see the sap buckets hanging from the trees maple trees. On this tipsy night, imagining if things were different and my dog hadn't died, she'd probably be coming to the gate to meet me. I couldn't taken it so I pulled over and crept onto their property with my full bladder and pissed in as many sap buckets as I could. Just a tinkle here and there, not enough to raise suspicion, but enough to hit 90% of the sap buckets.
I fucking hope they talk about that year when the maple syrup had a salted caramel flavor to it and how they were never able to replicate it. Fuck you, Terry.

Barron, Laird. “Vastation,” The Beautiful Thing that Awaits Us All and Other Stories (Night Shade Books, 2013)
“He had still been Randolph Carter, a fixed point in the dimensional seething. Now, beyond the Ultimate Gateway, he realised in a moment of consuming fright that he was not one person, but many persons.”
“There were “Carters” in settings belonging to every known and suspected age of earth’s history, and to remoter ages of earthly entity transcending knowledge, suspicion, and credibility. “Carters” of forms both human and non-human, vertebrate and invertebrate, conscious and mindless, animal and vegetable. And more, there were “Carters” having nothing in common with earthly life, but moving outrageously amidst backgrounds of other planets and systems and galaxies and cosmic continua.”
“No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity. Merging with nothingness is peaceful oblivion; but to be aware of existence and yet to know that one is no longer a definite being distinguished from other beings—that one no longer has a self—that is the nameless summit of agony and dread.”
H. P. Lovecraft – “The Gates of the Silver Key”
Preface:
When I volunteered to do a write-up for our year-long Laird Barron reading, Greg casually mentioned –slyly, one might say– that he had been planning to cover “Vastation” and would I like a crack at it instead? “Sure,” I said. “I like a challenge, why not?” My wife has left me. No one comes to visit me in this place where I have been taken. Even the rats and fleas, so ubiquitous in the rest of the institution, give my cell a wide berth. They know something is wrong. My thoughts spiral; I write in circles. It is possible that in a previous life I was a detective attempting to construct a timeline from a serial killer’s wall of thumbtacks and string. I will have my revenge on Greg.
Another Preface:
“Vastation” is actually a very straightforward story. You only need to familiarize yourself with the works of H. P. Lovecraft, read a little weird fiction literary theory, and stumble across an old interview between Laird and Greg. “Vastation” is what you get when you bludgeon Lovecraft’s stories over the head and throw their remains down a deep well into the Laird Barron cosmos. To crudely rearrange a few of Laird’s thoughts from the above-mentioned interview:
“Time is a ring… the universe is dirty… it’s all about stomach acids and semen and blood and effluvia… there’s even theories that it’s a cellular structure. [I]f you can get to the edge of the universe… If you were able to travel in your physical form, like superman, out to not the edge of the universe but the edge of all creation… you would cease to exist because there’s no room for you to exist there.”1
You drop Randolph Carter’s, “moment of consuming fright,” his epiphany at the end of everything that he is all living things, into Laird’s vision of an unending, hungering, ouroboros of time and space, and we have the premise of “Vastation.”
Two more points.

1. In reading many, but not all, of Lovecraft’s stories alluded to in, “Vastation,” I have learned that old Howie loved to write about characters living through the ages, living multiple lives, and taking numerous identities. The most prominent after, “The Gates of the Silver Key,” would be “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.” Attention should also be paid to “The Whisperer in Darkness,” because it is the first appearance of the Mi-Go, who I believe to be the inspiration for Laird’s Pod People. 

2. The author and critic John Clute wrote a wonderful piece on the concept of vastation in regards to literary horror. He defines it, in part, as, “… a laying waste to a land or a psyche; a physical or psychological devastation; desolation… the even more disintegrative moment when the accidents of goodness are shaved mercilessly from the unsalvageable central core of the wicked.” In other words, vastation is when the illusory fabric of reality is pulled out from under the feet of the protagonist or narrator, exposing the absolute horrors beneath. In most horror or weird fiction stories vastation occurs gradually throughout the text or once at the climax. In “Vastation,” it happens endlessly. 

Summary and analysis:
“Vastation” is, as Laird once put it, “a “6000-word monologue from an unutterably mad superhuman” (UMS). Like Randolph Carter, he—and UMS does think of him/itself as a he, more on that later—knows that in some impossible sense he is all people, all living beings, throughout all of creation. He lives countless lives. He knows the future and the past, albeit imperfectly. He knows how to jump his consciousness from one body to another, how to travel time, how to manipulate biology on a molecular level. His knowledge and powers and nearly godlike. In death, in sleep, or simply by staring into his own left “freakish eyeball,” he visits the infernal blackhole known as Ur-Nyctos, the “the quaking mass at the center of everything,” and “portal to the blackest of hells.” There, he shatters into quantum nothingness before reconstituting somewhere else along the ring, and he knows it will never stop. World without end, lives without end, vastations without end.
Things get darker. Completely insane, UMS spends eternity killing himself, killing his friends, getting killed by his friends, and participating in the occasional apocalypse, all the while somewhat aware he is everyone he has ever killed and everyone who will ever kill him. Every turn of the ring is the same story from a different angle, like UMS riding a train at night, looking at his reflection in the dark window.
“Vastation” begins with the answer to an impossible question. Where does the story of someone unshackled from cause and effect, imprisoned in an eternally looping cosmos, start? How did UMS become the unutterably mad superhuman? Laird throws so many red herrings at us. Does the story begin in Chicago, when UMS dies at the hands of his personal Judas, Pontius Sacrus? Or in Crete, when he claims to have been a mere flea, or human, and beholds Ur-Nyctos through the keyhole in the potter’s hidden room (shout out to “Jaws of Saturn”)? Or when he abandons his distant-future body to be taken over by the Pod People? None of these moments contain UMS’s origin because they have happened before and will happen again ad infinitum. In “Vastation,” there are no first times. Laird solves this paradox by burying a plot point from “The Gates of the Silver Key” in the first words of “Vastation.”
“When I was six, I discovered a terrible truth; I was the only human being on the planet.” Notice, UMS did not say, “when I was six years old.” I spent weeks wondering what that meant. Then I noticed that Laird twice calls time traveling “tripping back.” It seemed oddly specific and turned out to be a phrase from “The Gates of the Silver Key,” in which, after Randolph Carter experiences the Zen-through-cosmic-horror epiphany I quoted at the top of this write-up, he beseeches Yog-Sothoth—because of course Yog-Sothoth makes an appearance— for even greater forbidden knowledge. Yog-Sothoth tells Carter, “what you wish, I have found good; and I am ready to grant that which I have granted eleven times only to beings of your planet—five times only to those you call men, or those resembling them.”
Five men, making Carter the sixth human, or sixth being resembling a human. “When I was six, I discovered…” The previous five are Pontiff Sacrus and UMS’s other friends.
About Pontiff Sacrus, I also spent an embarrassing amount of time obsessing over him. It may be of interest to know that high priests of ancient Rome were known as the College of Pontiffs, that the most prestigious position in the college was held by the Rex Sacrorum, that Ted is short for Edward, and that Edward Hutchinson is a necromancer who lives many lives and a significant character in “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.”
By the way, the other time Laird stamps his foot and stares pointedly at the reader is when he employs the term “essential saltes.” It’s from “Charles Dexter Ward,” which begins with the following quote:
“The essential Saltes of Animals may be so prepared and preserved, that an ingenious Man may have the whole Ark of Noah in his own Studie, and raise the fine Shape of an Animal out of its Ashes at his Pleasure; and by the lyke Method from the essential Saltes of humane Dust, a Philosopher may, without any criminal Necromancy, call up the Shape of any dead Ancestour from the Dust whereinto his Bodie has been incinerated.”
So, UMS is damned to eternal life and eternal vastation. He, understandably, is insane. He whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. Denials, contradictions, and possibly flat-out lies fill his monologue. Again, it’s in the first sentence. “I was the only human being on the planet.” He has to tell himself this. The knowledge of what he always will be, what he always has done, what he always will do., is too terrible for him to bear. He denies his infinite identities with the solipsist problem of other minds. He cannot be other people because other people are fungible, mere cheap Xerox’s, fleas; he is the only real McCoy. This is especially true of women—I said we would return to gender. While humanity in general is “grist for the mill,” women are either mentioned in passing or, in the case of UMS’s wives, described as inhuman automatons.
Think about it. Even though, on an infinite loop, he has done everything, been every human, has been/will be Beyoncé releasing her country album, Joan of Arc leading her men into battle, Martha Stewart receiving her sentence, and Bathory forcing some girl—who is also him—to kick stars, UMS never describes a single life he has spent as a woman. I think this is UMS grasping at an identity. It’s not that he necessarily hates women more than any other aspect of his universal selves so much as he is clinging to his gender as a self-defense mechanism. He is an individual because he flirts with Macedonian honeys. He is himself and not the wives he is tired of fucking, who are artificial anyway, even as they react to him with the very human responses of fear and suicide.2
Returning to the big picture, UMS’s cosmic gender identity issues are just the micro in the macro. Every timeline, every epoch, in “Vastation” is a story of committing murder to avoid forbidden knowledge. UMS’s wife kills herself rather than spend another night next to him as he dreams of Ur-Nyctos. UMS kills the potter before he can finish explaining how his wheel-device works—get it? — and then kills iteration after iteration of himself before he discovers the bloody peephole in the potter’s hidden chamber. He’s accused of witchcraft and imprisoned in a different well where he cannot share his knowledge of the past or future with anyone except other aspects of himself who mock him from the mouth of his prison. He reveals nanotech and genetic engendering to humanity, then commits global genocide to erase this knowledge. Again and again, UMS tries to keep humanity and himself from forbidden knowledge he cannot escape, murderously, scrambling back from the edges of vastation, forever failing.
There’s so much more. Any person who doesn’t miss the days when he went to sleep at a reasonable hour could write a dissertation on “Vastation.” I haven’t even TOUCHED most of the Lovecraft Easter eggs I found. I had a blast working on this, but this is me holding my gloves up and yelling, “no mas, no mass.” I’m going to bed.
Discussion:

1. Gordon van Gelder famously told Laird that he had bought “Shiva, Open Your Eye” (Laird’s first professional sale) because he wanted to see what Laird would do next. Ten years later, Vastation saw publication in Cthulhu’s Reign and has been called something of a reincarnation of “Shiva.” What similarities do we see? 

   1. I suspect, but could not find enough support in the texts, that UMS’s ascendancy into superhuman status, or his visits to Ur-Nyctos—if there is a difference—is what awakens the Old Ones, drawing their attention to pitiful humanity. He does seem to do his best to avoid them. Thoughts?
   2. If anyone has any thoughts about what Laird was referencing when UMS pushes his best friend off a bridge I would love to hear it.
   3. Does Laird deny UMS a name because he is everyone?
   4. “After I made me, I crushed the mold under my heel.” That’s some sort of pun about the fungal Pod People, right?
   Footnotes / references
   
2. from an interview between Greg and Laird which took place on June 23, 2021.
   “There was one theory, if you can get to the edge of the universe, somehow get to the leading, bleeding edge of reality, it’s actually, it would compress you to, basically it would get narrower and narrower. You would get flattened. If you were able to travel in your physical form, like superman, out to not the edge of the universe but the edge of all creation, it acts just like a blade… you would cease to exist because there’s no room for you to exist there.
   And that was one theory. But the other theory was--you know how a fountain works? You’ve got a base of water and it shoots up, and it looks like a different stream of water coming out of the angel’s mouth, but it’s just the water cycling. It’s the same water going through. That was another theory about the universe. It is constantly going through itself. If you recycle the water through the fountain, or you pull a slinky through itself, or a sock, it just constantly turns into itself over and over again.
   …maybe it’s not always 100% the same, because the slinky moves left or right a few millimeters. Unless you have it on a machine going through the same exact angle at the same speed, possibly there’s: this time it went through like this; maybe it wobbled a little bit. That’s how we could get the idea of free will. That determinism vs. you can have a little control over your destiny…
   Time is a ring… the universe is dirty. Look at the processes of all--there could be life forms out there that are very clean and just made of light and music…[b]ut generally speaking, it’s all about stomach acids and semen and blood and effluvia and all this stuff. So I was like alright, it’s an organic--the universe is very organic. There’s even theories that it’s a cellular structure.”
   
   1. Anyone interested in this type of analysis might want to check out Julia Kristeva’s theory of the abject.

I have a Cool Steam Vent, a Polluted Water Vent, and a Cool Salt Slush Geyser.
I and just starting to toe into the mid game. I have created my first batch of steel (using the cold brine as coolant) and am working on an initial setup for some plastic (in the oil biome).
I have kept myself at 9 dupes with oxygen diffusers to not burn through all my algae, and I'm at the point where I want to transition to a SPOM (or half SPOM).
I am debating which geysevent to use. Which might be easiest/simplest in the short term and which might be best in the long term.
My thoughts:

1. The Cool Steam Vent seems easiest and simplest. It was an open vent so already has a sizeable cache of water. My only issue is cooling (the oxygen from the SPOM), which, traditionally I've just run it through a cold biome but there isn't one close by. I have steel so I might do an aquatuner cooling loop once I can get the plastic for the Steam Turbines. My main question here is: do I pull off the naturally condensed water or do I tame it with an aquatuner to raise the temperature of the steam, process the steam through the turbines and then feed the output of the steam turbines into the SPOM (probably a half-SPOM), cooling the oxygen with said aquatuner? My main concern with the latter solution is A) I need enough turbines to handle the steam at max output and B) there will be no steam and therefore no cooling when it is dormant. Whereas with the former I can just stockpile the naturally condensed water and draw off as needed.
2. The Polluted Water Vent seems best in the long run as it produces the most water, but it needs to be processed. My main concern here is that I'll eat through all of my sand. I don't know how much sand I have off hand, but it seems like it'll basically consume around 600g/s, constantly. I'm haven't really looked into self-sustaining sand production yet. I know that I can just boil it, which seems simple, and also provides a cooling for the gas. It produces enough on average that I believe I'll have enough to constantly work the aquatuner. I also don't like the germs. I know that they are harmless if in the air, I just don't like it, so I'm leaning also toward the boiling method.
3. I don't think the cool salt slush geyser is a good idea. I don't think it's output is worth it especially given the processing needed, and it's too useful as coolant right now.

So basically I have to decide between the Cool Steam Vent or Polluted Water Vent.

I always loved the summer break, a brief respite from the grueling schedule of college. My days were spent with friends, nights filled with laughter and bonfires. This summer was no different—until I returned home.
The small town of Hartsville, where I grew up, was the epitome of tranquility. Rolling hills, lush forests, and friendly neighbors greeted me as I pulled into the driveway of my childhood home. The sight of my mother, waiting on the porch, brought a smile to my face. She looked the same as ever—cheerful, warm, and welcoming.
"Welcome home, Alex," she called out, enveloping me in a tight hug. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too, Mom," I replied, feeling a genuine sense of relief and happiness to be back.
The first few days were perfect. We caught up on everything, and she cooked all my favorite meals. It felt good to be taken care of again, to be home. But then, things started to change.
It began subtly. I would catch glimpses of shadows out of the corner of my eye, fleeting figures that disappeared when I turned my head. At first, I brushed it off as stress or exhaustion. But the occurrences became more frequent and harder to ignore.
One night, I woke up drenched in sweat. A cold chill ran down my spine as I realized I wasn't alone. A shadowy figure stood at the foot of my bed. I blinked, and it was gone. My heart pounded in my chest as I fumbled for the light, but there was nothing there. Just the darkness and my racing thoughts.
The next morning, I mentioned it to my mom.
"You're probably just tired, dear," she said, her brow furrowed with concern. "College must have been really hard on you."
"Yeah, maybe," I agreed, though unease gnawed at me.
The occurrences didn't stop. If anything, they intensified. I began to see the shadowy figure during the day, lurking in the corners of rooms, just out of sight. I started to question my sanity. Was I imagining things? Was I losing my mind?
I decided to take a walk one evening, hoping the fresh air would clear my head. As I strolled through the familiar streets of Hartsville, the sensation of being watched never left me. Every rustling leaf and distant whisper set my nerves on edge. The shadows seemed to follow me, growing darker and more menacing as the sun dipped below the horizon.
When I returned home, my mom was waiting with dinner. The food smelled delicious, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread that had settled over me.
"Are you okay, Alex?" she asked, her eyes filled with concern. "You seem distant."
"I'm fine," I lied, forcing a smile. "Just tired."
That night, the nightmare began.
I woke to the sound of whispering. At first, I thought it was just the wind, but the voices grew louder, more insistent. They were speaking in a language I didn't understand, guttural and ancient. My room felt like a tomb, the air heavy and suffocating. I tried to move, but my body was paralyzed, pinned to the bed by an invisible force.
The shadowy figure was back, but this time it was closer. I could see its eyes—hollow, empty voids that seemed to swallow the light. It reached out a hand, and I felt an icy grip on my chest. I couldn't breathe. Panic surged through me, and I fought with all my strength to break free.
Suddenly, the figure vanished, and I bolted upright, gasping for air. My room was empty, but the sense of dread lingered. I knew then that whatever was happening to me wasn't just in my mind.
The next day, I started looking into the history of our house. I visited the local library and combed through old records. To my horror, I discovered that our home had a dark past. It was built on the ruins of an old asylum, a place where unspeakable experiments were conducted on the patients. Many of them had died under mysterious circumstances, their souls trapped in torment.
I raced home, my mind spinning with the implications. My mom was in the kitchen, humming softly as she cooked. I watched her for a moment, my heart heavy with fear and suspicion.
"Mom, we need to talk," I said, my voice trembling.
"Of course, dear. What's wrong?" she asked, turning to face me.
"There's something wrong with this house. I've been seeing things, hearing things. I found out that it was built on an old asylum. People died here, Mom. Horrible things happened."
Her expression changed, a flicker of something dark and unreadable crossing her face. "Alex, you're imagining things. This house is perfectly fine."
"No, it's not!" I shouted, the frustration and fear boiling over. "Something is happening to me, and I don't think it's just this house. I think it's you."
She froze, her eyes widening. "What are you talking about?"
"The salt," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "The strange salt you've been putting in my food. It's making me see things, isn't it?"
Her face twisted with a mixture of guilt and desperation. "Alex, I only wanted to protect you. To keep you safe. You've been so stressed with college, and I thought if you stayed here, you could rest and recover."
"By drugging me? By making me think I'm going insane?" I backed away, my heart pounding.
"I did it out of love," she pleaded, tears streaming down her face. "I can't lose you, Alex. You're all I have."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My own mother, the person I trusted most in the world, had been poisoning me. My mind raced, trying to find a way out of this nightmare.
That night, I didn't eat dinner. I pretended to, pushing the food around my plate until my mom was satisfied. I needed a clear head to figure out my next move. As I lay in bed, I heard the whispering again, the voices of the tormented souls trapped in this house. But this time, I wasn't afraid. I felt a strange kinship with them, a shared sense of betrayal and suffering.
I knew I had to leave, but I couldn't just run. I needed proof, something to show the authorities. The next morning, while my mom was out, I searched the house. In the basement, I found what I was looking for—a hidden stash of the strange salt. I took some samples and snapped photos of everything.
When my mom returned, I was ready.
"Alex, what are you doing?" she asked, her voice trembling with fear.
"I'm leaving," I said, my voice steady. "And I'm taking this with me." I held up the bag of salt.
"Please, Alex, don't do this," she begged, reaching out to me.
"I have to," I replied, backing away. "You need help, Mom. Real help."
As I walked out the door, I felt a strange mix of relief and sorrow. I was leaving behind everything I knew, but I was also escaping a nightmare. I drove straight to the police station, handing over the evidence and telling them everything.
The investigation that followed uncovered the truth. The salt was a rare and powerful hallucinogen, capable of inducing vivid and terrifying visions. My mom had been using it to keep me close, driven by a desperate and twisted love.
But as the authorities delved deeper, a more chilling revelation surfaced. My mother hadn't acted alone. She had been manipulated, controlled by the same malevolent spirits that haunted me. The shadowy figures, the tormented souls of the asylum's victims, had found a way to influence the living. They had latched onto my mother, exploiting her fear of losing me to ensure she did their bidding. The salt was their instrument, a conduit for their dark influence.
Confronted with this new horror, my mom broke down, recounting how the voices had first appeared to her, promising to keep me safe if she followed their instructions. They preyed on her loneliness and desperation, twisting her love into something monstrous.
The spirits were exorcised from our home, and my mother was taken to a facility where she could get the help she needed. I was left to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. The house was condemned, its dark history finally exposed. But the scars remained, a constant reminder of the horrors I had endured.
Even now, I sometimes hear the whispering, feel the chill of those empty eyes watching me. But I remind myself that I'm free, that I've escaped the nightmare. And I hold on to the hope that one day, I'll find peace.

So, it's been a week since my last update.
Progress is intentionally slow on the walking, but I have managed to increase my steps by around 10 steps per day from 115 to 250 yesterday.
I try to space my steps out as evenly as possible throughout the day - so around 30 steps per hour. I'm still using a knee brace on my left knee and using my wheelchair as a makeshift zimmer.
Until today, I had managed to reduce the knee pain and the amount of time the pain last for despite the increased movement. However, as I write this, I'm currently sat with a hot water bottle on my thigh, as my left leg is feeling quite tight and more painful today. The left calf also seems to be tighter which wasn't really an issue before. The pain is probably 3 or 4/10, so I think within a tolerable level.
I've still been sitting more than lying down, which I think has massively helped my lower back pain. Makes me feel a bit more 'normal' too.
Over the past few days I've developed a deep aching pain in my left forearm, that will last for a few seconds then completely vanish. It's very strange.
"Exercise" I've been doing in the past week:

• 30 step slow bursts spread throughout the day using a soft knee brace and my wheelchair as a zimmer.
  
• 2 sessions per day of 3 x 10 seconds seated heal raises. I'm thinking these might be the cause of the calf tightness. Planning to dial back to one session.
  
• 2 sessions per day of 20 second hold arm raises. 1 x front, 1 x vertical and 1 x outstretched. Increased from 10 seconds.
  
• 1 x isometric leg hold for 10 seconds with medium resistance.
  
• 2 x Arm pulls medium resistance bands
  
• 2 x 10 second arm holds with medium resistance bands
  
• 2 sessions of approx 5 foot rotations in each direction. Finding it easier to rotate on their own now, and don't have to use my hand as much.
  
• At least 4 sessions of 10 second foot paddles - just to keep the blood flowing.
  

*Supplements, etc. *
I've decreased my stack in the past week as my nausea was getting worse. I think it might have been the Vitamin C. All still within recommend daily amounts.

• Magnesium
• Vitamin D
• Vitamin E
• Ginseng tea
• Did Ja Jow rub and massage on painful body parts.
• Epsom salt bath once a day.

Things that seem to have improved * Insomnia * Brain fog * Headache * Burning hands * Bladder issues * Cold/burning hands * Eye pressure pain * Eye stabbing pain * Neuropathic stabbing pain * Buzzing sensation across face * Itching/buzzing on feet * Lower back pain
Same/fluctuate * Knee & thigh pain * Elbows and shoulder pain * Upper back pain * Burning/cold feet * Dizzy/off-balance sensation * Tinnitus * Groin pain * Heel pain * Hip pain * Neck pain
Worse/New * Achilles pain & tightness * Calf pain & tightness * Aching pain left forearm * Nausea
Next steps

• Have the appointment with the specialist in a couple of days.
  
• I'm going to stay at 200/250 steps a day for a few days to see how my body responds. If things calm down, I will progress slowly to 300.
  

I'm still trying to remain as positive as possible and trying to take a proactive (yet gentle) approach to my recovery. Perhaps I'm not doing the right things, maybe I should be resting more, or maybe I'm not doing enough. I don't think anyone can answer that question definitively. However, I have noticed my mood improves when I'm trying 'something'.
I will write my next update at 12 weeks and then 3 months.

Hello world, I've just randomly limit tested some basic strats to (very eventually) win Classic and I have some notes to share for other newbies like me wanting to deal with battling that the other guides dont' cover in sufficient detail. This basic guide also assumes you don't have rare egg moves to keep things a bit more balanced to teh beginner.
Without further ado let's start with 0
0) The core of Battling is Turns to kill. TTK.
In any given battle the most important tactical consideration is how many TTK you have on the enemy and vise versa. In this sense there's very little difference between a 120 Health pokemon taking two 60 damage hit and a 8 health mon taking two 4 damage hit.
This gets a lot more complicated later on, but before we get there lets talk about your first battling consideration
1) Leveling is exponentially stronger in the earlyish game (1-25 and 26-50)
Before we can talk about the more complicated part of battling, we need to get there and for that let's talk about the early game.
Given neutral type match ups, early game battling is heavily influenced by who has more levels because the relative difference between 25 vs 20 is a lot bigger then 125 vs 120. This is also affected by having less ways to reduce damage or maximise damage in early game.
TLDR max level as many Pokemon as you can that's not weak to the mons your Rival has. Generally it's better to have 1 max level pokemon then 2 good but not max level pokemon for early game
2) Diversity makes the dream work .
The next step up from just levelling your mons is to have a team with great type diversity because in your next 175 floors you WILL fight enemies with one shot potential for every type. And as per item (0) a 1 turn kill is horrible when it is the enemy doing the killing.
Generally at most only 2 pokemon on your team should be weak to any given type of pokemon. So having a bug, grass and steel mon is bad because that will be 3 pokemon weak to fire. Similarly you also need to have enough Move Diversity to hit as many types as you can or you'll be facing 8 TTK because everything is super resisted.
The biggest bonus of having a Diverse Team you can now more easily pull off the core tactics of Switching and are less likely to get enemies that can resist every move you make
3) Abuse the AI Trainer dumb super annoying switching strategy.
Have you ever seen how the AI will always switch out if you put a super effective mon against it's starter. Well they do that 90% of the time so let's talk about it.
Since AI Trainer fights always try to switch out into a super effective mon and generally have a fixed rotation of what they'll switch into. Additionally when they switch they take an attack that round. Thus there are 3 ways to deal with it.
First you can have a Bait and Counter pokemon with a move that is super effective on it's counter. For example a Venusaur with Earthquake or Hydro Pump will bait out a fire pokemon who HAS to take the hit and will either die this turn or a turn later.
Second is the Hit and Run or Pivot with a super resistant mon. With a Venusaur you can launch a Razor leaf on a switch in , switch to a super resistant mon, and then switch back to the Venusaur to bait out another switch to the first target.
Third is you can use Trap Moves like Stealth Rock and Toxic Spikes which can damage people constantly as they switch. Meaning you can force and infinite switch loop and eventually start killing the AI team.
4) Sacrificing is a "free" switch for low HP carries.
As a beginner you'll eventually have a carry with Low HP that will die if you switch it in. Don't forget that you can sacrifice a pokemon that is otherwise useless to switch that Low HP carry into the fight without taking damage
5) True % Damage are Boss Killers
As a beginner chances are you'll not have teams that can hit the bosses with multiple health bars reliably. Especially at end game.
Leech Seed, Salt Cure, Toxic, and even Burn are great if you need to Kill the boss but don't have enough damage.
There are a bit more for Beginners but these items carried me enough to fight the Floor 200 Boss

So I've been driving for Uber for years. After the first year and a half my car broke down and about a month after my car died I learned that Uber has the rental program and started using that...
I live in Utah and the closest rental agencies that work with Uber are in Salt Lake City and you have either Avis or Hertz. There are two Avis locations (downtown SLC and Sandy) and one Hertz on State street, but over the years the Hertz location has become 100% tesla rentals only.
With Avis I rented a 2022 Ford Escape for 9 days, worked exclusively with Ray (the Sandy branch manager) and... just felt disrespected on a whole new level. The store called me a day before and left me a voicemail saying that they were "able to find a car" for me and mentioned the requirements for rentals (credit card, etc.). I was told that as a new renter I'd have to keep the car for at least 7 days and then I'd be able to use the app and renew the rental daily. I said great and he pulled the car around.
When I hopped in, I realised that every inch of the car was coated in hair. It straight up looked like someone took dog hair and rubbed it into the floors and then went out for a stroll on a dirt road and then came back. Scratches and dirt and hair... but I figured they had been busy and just cleaned it.
When I would go to get gas... the car wouldn't start. Asked a mechanic friend and he said that the push to start engines sometimes have a purge valve issue and that if I gave the car a little bit of time that it would start and wasn't a huge issue, and stupidly thought at the same time that if I complained they'd give me a shitty car instead and they had given me a Ford Escape that was comfort eligible, so I sucked it up for the extra money.
I had chosen to extend my rental two extra days via the app, but at the 7 day mark I was notified that the rental terms had ended and the car was removed from my Uber account. Avis tried to bill me for a whole extra week, but instead just removed the car when that failed.
I'm slightly hard of hearing and have a speech impediment so I have a IP Relay number and a regular phone, but I use the relay service the most. I called the store and was told that it was a problem on Uber's side, but then was told by Uber that the car was simply removed and that Avis had to add it back. They didn't have the car information, they couldn't do shit, so I called Avis back.
We were both confused for what felt like 10 minutes as to what was happening. Uber rentals are for 7 days, no partial weeks unless you turn your car in early, so the system tried to charge me for the new week and when that failed it auto removed the car. No big deal, they just had to manually modify it and not let me extend it again or remove the days and have me return the car. Easy options.
Ray didn't realise the issue and thought that my card just declined and when I "wasn't getting the picture" he hung up on my operator. I tried to call the store back on the relay number three more times before I gave up and used my regular number. I called the store 6 times with my regular number and at that point my friend tried calling and on the first ring Ray picked up the phone all chipper.
When asked why he hung up he stated that he "couldn't hear anyone on the other end and thought I hung up" and then he asked me why I even needed to use the relay service at all because "I can hear you crystal clear." When I told him it didn't matter and that I still tried to call him back 12 times and he didn't answer he launched into a 2 minute rant about how "I deal with other deaf/HoH people and relay numbers all the time!" And that "I shouldn't call corporate next time, just call the store because I can help you instead of getting into messes like this" while then explaining what had happened and then blaming me for the whole mess by saying "When you called corporate and had them add the days it messed things up, we don't have split payments for Uber, just the week, but I didn't tell you that.." which is the opposite of what he told me during pick up. After "letting me" have the two extra days, that I had already paid for, and just "smoothing things out" he did let me know that he was doing me a favor though...

I don't know if he was just flustered at the problem and me being slightly pissed that the car just went poof suddenly.... but customers should not have to have to call you more than 3 times and on three different fucking numbers. If my friend wasn't here to lend me their phone I'm still sure that I wouldn't have been able to call him back and figure out why they suddenly just turned my account off for a moment.
I submitted a complaint officially over the lhone with Avis customer support abd the guy that helped me let me know that he took it above the store so they wouldn't see it... but for fucks sake Avis.
The only thing that made it better was telling Ray that instead of extending like I had planned to, I took the money I earned the 2 extra days and went to rent with Lyft/Hertz instead. Ray's face was priceless. So. Much. Anger.

There is SO much through those horrible 11 years. But the last 2.5 have truly been the hardest, mostly because I am just EXHAUSTED to the point....I don't even usually bother fighting against a single thing/become comfortable as the door matt.
What did me in, is he owes my grandmother $3k for HIS HALF of unpaid debt to her. They are currently (under my dumb stupid blessing) are letting him rent what is my family's home they are leaving to me when they die for a whooping $600 a month. S I X HUNDRED. 3br 1bth huge fenced back and front yard. 3 porches. Huge attached garage. $600.......
He knew it was only a 6 month agreement. And that either I would be retaking my home, or the rent would be raised to $1000, as i would be taking $600 of it monthly and planned to use it towards a rental of my own. (My family and i truly helped him willingly, so he at least had 6 months to get on his feet.) I on the other hand, was fortunate enough to have my recently divorced bff of 25 years with an open room in her home, badabingbadaboom.
Truthfully, I was basically forced out of my house before I had a say. It wasn't my first choice to leave every bit if furniture/my daughter's bedroom set/ect...THAT I ALONE have purchased throughout the years, to my floppy meatsuit of an ex manchild who's idea of "hard labor" is mowing a lawn..but it was my ONLY choice. (That's another story for another day, lol. This one's long enough)
Anyways the 6 months is up, and it had come time to go forward with what was already previously understood as to happen...I should have seen it coming, given that he suddenly started to attempt far more communication (our child being his perfect excuse to disguise what was really going on....
.....and then THIS MF-ER...MAN.... My grandmother tells me on my way out after stopping by for breakfast, that my ex had told her unless they lower the rent for him, he won't pay the 3k debt from TWO years ago now (he promised as soon as he got his tax return, he would pay it) but now he'd need it to find another rental property......this 33 year old man....telling this to My sweet and kind grandmother, who is the a matriarch to my family mind you, she has basically RAISED this 33 year old brat since his infanthood (since he was 22 years old!). ~His parents were 2.5 hours away, his dad is an attorney in some podunk hillbilly town, and his mom is all the worst parts of the gossipy church women put together. They only cared about his younger sister and her two children, lol. So.~
I was floored. I told her something along the lines of "uhhhh I'm pretty sure that's a form of extortion????"
Anyways. I slept on it, and woke up to choosing violence. By violence, I mean I messaged the only thing I knew he "CARED" about, at least for now, until there's nothing for him to gain. I just wanted to make sure he knew where i stood really, and how careful he should tread with me now after hearing that.
...this girl was the other former bff of MY bff. She HATED me for at least a decade. "Frienmies" if yiu will. I had been told SEVERAL times around 6 years ago (ish) that she told our mutual bestie how she was going to "fuck my boyfriend, and get him to leave me. That he was her dream guy" LOFL ...and had witnessed/heard her myself FLIRT with him heavy and totally disrespectfully in front of me. Up until the day they boinked in secret, this girl followed all my social accounts religiously for allll these years....
You can imagine, I had some STUFF I was dying to let out, but I will say, I refrained from being an absolute c-word. I basically in the most passive aggressive tone, EXPOSED what my exs current game was with my family home and the mistreatment of my grandparents.
I told her to ask about his stomach illness he faked so well, had me so SO sympathetic towards him that I asked if he would just instead making basically double pay for the summer months (school district employee) and not taking off....to take off, an I would just work ot graves or whatever extra I could/did...and then how the DAY BEFORE our child started 1st grade, he pulled the rug out from under by creating a literally pointless 4 hours screaming match.....and leaving me, the house, the dogs, and the bills high and dry. No tummy ache to ever come about again...
Or how he had a disguised app with nudes and texts from women he cheated on me with or had fucked when we were in a slump/split. And how she's also in it.
And to ask the father of the year what his 7 year olds doctors name was...we used her since the 2day infant visit lol.
Or to ask him who's been the provider for our child's education since 3 years of age. Her insurance. Dental. Ect. (Hint: it's not him).
I asked her to ask him why he told me that she "owned her own home and was so independent and worked so hard to be where she is now" as a means to rub salt in my wounds while he forced me out if my/OUR old home in the worst mental depression I'd ever dealt with.....when that is not true because she cheated on her husband with multiple men while he was deployed and lost her Marital home in divorce. She lives with her parents and two younger brothers.
Why he was still.texting me and sending me his unsolicited or answered selfies to me.
I wrapped it up with my point of the information being that for my exs sake, I pleaded she encouraged him to don"the right thing".
I mean....I knew he was putting on a dog and pony show for her from day 1. He's a fraud, I learned that over and over. He will lie/manipulative/step on whatever and whoever without a care in the world, all while making whoever they choose to feel as if they're to blame if any sort of conflicts or grievance against them rose.
So I knew in my exes false reality he was painting for this chick was no doubt of how amazing a father he is, and how shitty of a parent and person I am in turn....
side note: ffs he even lowered his own vocal tone forcefully when j met him 11 yrs ago to disguise his godawful nasal screach
WITHIN 10 DAYS. NOT EVEN 2 WEEKS Of me sending her all this...
First text - him asking for our childs doctor's information for the first time in 5 years. Evidently they had a sore throat in the middle of the night. (Mmmmok)
4 days later - he is asking if we could discuss getting her needed dental work finished up as we've put it off for a while (he literally never cared the first phase lol)
That same day - he is pandering sympathy and attention because he's suddenly having stomach attacks again and he's got a colonoscopy scheduled and blahblahblahhhhhh.
I mean....literally the list of the shit I exposed directly goes on and on.....and he made sure to cover up each one down the line. Like. If that isn't "master manipulation".....what is? There has got to be a word for this oh so insanely predictable behavior lol.
Certainly. I'd hope the chick truly SEES what is happening? That the dude is literally whether subconsciously/uncontrollably covering up his actions because he knows deep down, what was done was wrong all around...or just creating and perfecting his own stage right before our eyes? Lol RIGHT?!
I just have to laugh at it all now. It's just a RL sitcom of disaster at this point. 😑

23rd: Jane Bright (Nicaragua - 6th)

A deserving, incredible Survivor endgame level character standing next to Jane Bright.
u/SMC0629:
I don't have Jane in my personal endgame, but I'm not mad at all that she made it here. She's probably the most divisive character in Nicaragua, but I personally love her. She's got a spunky attitude, has a great rivalry with Marty, great relationship with Chase, and has one of my favorite eliminations ever. Her boot is so god damn memorable, that lasting moment of the alliance telling her it's gonna be her tonight, with Jane in complete shock and despair is just perfect. One of the best characters of Nicaragua for sure.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
Jane is on a very small list of players who I think has run the entire spectrum in terms of where they land in my rankings. Top ten, top hundred, middle of the pack, bottom hundred, bottom ten… I think I understand pretty much every Jane take known to humanity, cause I’ve had them. Nowadays, I tend to lean more positive on her, but I definitely still have too many issues I’m hyper aware of to let her rank too highly for me.
“What if we have Rupert’s hero edit to someone who was just really really mean, and did the bare minimum to hide it” is genuinely hilarious to me. Jane’s got good energy and her many, many, many feuds (the majority of which being with Marty) make her a great character to guide the narrative. There’s also just her boot episode, which is like… way too good of an episode for Nicaragua. I think I’m neutral-lean positive on Nicaragua, but it’s not a season that does a ton for me, but dear god, Jane’s boot and the scene of her dousing the camp fire is like so fucking metal.
She’s such a raw, powerful person. I think my biggest issue with her right now is just that, in a similar vein to Brandon Hantz, sometimes she feels a little too real at times. Like is she funny when she’s talking shit about Marty? Yes! Is the story great? Yes! But does some of what she says about Marty and his kids feel a bit too much? Yes, very much so. It’s not enough to detract from her character, but again… Brandon Hantz-tier of character. For me, that’s a pretty big compliment, but I also do not keep him in my Top 100. Same with Jane. But despite being one of the names that made Endgame that I disagree with the most, I am very curious and excited to see our resident “Least Sane Jane Bright Enjoyer” spin a tale or two about why she deserves to be up here!
Overall Rank – 138/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
While I disagree with her being endgame, I understand the reasoning and defense behind it. I respect the hustle that Tom did to get her here and I’m happy for him that Jane made her first endgame.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
I love that Jane is here, I am not even going to lie. Before my recent rewatch, I had Jane in the 200s, and after my rewatch, I was completely blown away at how complex her character is and the great relationships she had all season. To me, she felt real with her hatred, and the switch between the dry laugh we know her for, to the nasty person she became was endlessly incredible, she was such a great part of Nicaragua and one of the few praises I have for that season. Plus, when she finds out Chase, Holly, and Sash are voting for her, the music change and piano chord that happens there might be the piece media I have ever seen. Congrats Tom for getting her here!
Personal Rank: 73/821. 9/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Nicaragua is such a great season due to how emotionally charged it is, and Jane is a big part of that. Jane is the sweet southern lady until she feels crossed, then she has a whole vendetta against anyone who crosses her, so it's a lot of great fun. She is not in my personal endgame, but I can always appreciate a kooky character showing up in it.
~~~~~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Jane Bright:
This is undoubtedly my most anticipated write up of the rankdown, I have such a love for Jane and everything she does for Nicaragua. She has one of the best stories of all time, and just has so many moments that further it and make it cohesive. And that is what I will explain today. Jane is not just some badass southern old lady, ok well she is, but she’s also a very deep, broken old lady trying to put on a facade for herself. Her hatred towards everyone around her has its story and here it is…
The Mask
A lot like Rupert, Jane tries to paint a mask on herself as a hero and somebody who always follows her heart for the greater good. However, throughout the season we see cracks start to arise in this persona she puts on herself. She’s someone who needs a purpose and when somebody gets in the way of that, she gets insecure and bitter and that’s when we see the wrath of Jane break out.
The editors never try to pull the wool over your eyes by painting her as a hero, because they show petty rivalries with her and Marty and her boot episode meltdown. We get to see her from all angles, even if she only wants to present one. She’s insecure about herself, making her feel entitled to be treated as a queen and carried to the end due to her “heroic” manner. Once she realizes it doesn’t work like that and she actually has to play the game, all gloves come off and we get some of the most petty, uncalled for, or even bitchy moments that just have so much raw emotion.
She’s not painted as a hero while being an asshole (*cough* Ozzy *cough*) They show her as her flawed self, but they also let you make your own decision on what to feel without pushing a narrative onto you. Of course she wins Favorite Player at the reunion, so some people still thought she was a hero but you get to see this very broken and entitled person struggling. She really hates everyone but that’s not what she can show because that’s now who she wants to be and it’s such a complicated story arc throughout the season that we see the cracks grow and it’s told so subtlety but perfectly. And this is only the tip of the iceberg with how deep this old southern lady is.
Without this defining feature, she’d just be a badass southern lady but with it she becomes so much more just adding to this brilliant story building up all season until her boot episode. Her masking her real personality just makes her a much more complex character and when we see these glimpses of it, you start to realize, ohhh this is the person I’m supporting.
Even on top of the mask, there is so much more to Jane’s character…
Grief
When you watch Nicaragua for the first time, this part of her character is not inherently obvious. Grief?!? What are you talking about? She just seems like a badass until she’s a bitter old hag for being the target. While, yes that’s a very simplified version of this, there’s so much more to dissect there. The grieving of her husband, greatly plays a role in her story, and although it’s sometimes subtle you can see how it play into it so beautifully well.
In her very first confessional, what do we see Jane say?
“They think I'm some middle aged housewife that tootles around the house all day long, they’re in for a big surprise. Because that is definitely not me. I'm fifty-six years old and I'm the type person that stays busy all the time doing things. I just don't think there's anything I can't do. Winning the million dollars is real important to me ‘cause it’ll help me pay off my farm and the fact that I lost my husband, uh, in '09, it-it-it means I wouldn't have to work as hard as I do. But his spirit, I know is still with me and that's what keeps me going.”
Her husband obviously is impacting her mentally during this season, and we see this throughout the game. Every Time somebody makes a gesture that they want her out, her personal viper just breaks out. This is because she knows this is getting in the way of her dream, and the spirit of her husband that made her want to do this and she’s not letting anybody take that from her.
She’s still grieving and wants to win for her husband, and it is a very sweet story but sadly it takes a dark turn as she starts using this as entitlement for her to win. She believes she’s obligated to be brought to the end because of who she is and the loss of her husband and yeah, it’s dark but damn is it good when you think about it.
This is also why the family visit is SO important to her story in her boot episode. Right when her daughter, Ashley gets there, she starts talking about her husband and how Ashley is the one she is doing this for, to help her. This is WHO SHE IS FIGHTING FOR!
That is why it hits so hard when everyone flips on her! How dare they! She thinks. These people are voting me out right after I fought my hardest to give my daughter a better life?!? She’s one of the only I have left, this is disgusting. It’s so sad but at the same time it’s brilliantly shown not told. And what do you know, when Jane is talking about Sash’s mama raising him, she immediately brings up her daughter, just ugh how perfect does it round back to her family and her grief with loss.
Now obviously, does that make her outrage justified, I don’t know, maybe? Is she still kind of a bitch? probably! Is she a badass? Probably! That leads me to my next point.
Perspective
If you have read a lot of my other writeups on Nicaragua you would have noticed I love to talk about the perspective a lot of these characters receive on the season. Complimenting how diverse they can be seen depending on your morals or values. No character represents this better than Jane Bright.
How do I know this? Well let’s look at her placements in Rankdowns Past:
SRI - 485/501 - Seen as a bitchy, entitled, worse version of NaOnka, and someone who went way too personal in the game.
SRII - 455/537 - Seen as annoying and sour, forced fan favorite edit not giving her the trashing she deserved by the other tribemates.
SRIII - 549/575 - Seen as a narcissist and self-righteous, below the belt remarks and “a human embodiment of a rash” (that made me laugh a bit).
SRIV - 518/615 - Seen as an ultimately fascinating character, who got a dishonest edit that didn’t show her true side until the end. Ultimately ending up as an unlikable “venomous bitch” who somehow won fan favorite.
SRV - 108/653 - Seen as a great T.V personality whose kooky first half and vigorous 2nd half make for a good story and uplifts everyone around her while also being a great character.
SRVI - 127/731 (Had to be idoled to get here though smh) - Seen as a badass challenge competitor who is actually sour, who unfairly attacked Marty and is a bit too much when it comes to her toxic side to make her slightly less good.
SRVII - 185/767 - Seen as an extremely authentic personality and very entertaining to the chaos of Nicaragua, as well as having an iconic rivalry with Marty, being an iconic mother.
See the difference between one half and the other? Yeah, that shows just how well of a character she is edited as. She has so many times where she is shown to be a hero but juxtaposed with so many times she is shown as an asshole and it works off each scene perfectly. This is why we get such a difference of opinion and I think it’s told so well to where most people don’t even see it.
You have to weigh her good and bad and see based on your morals, if she’s a good person or not, and how acceptable or right was she for her constant hatred of others? I really love that as they aren’t trying to make you think a specific feeling about her. You need to come up with that conclusion yourself on how you think she is, that’s why she won the fan favorite vote in 2011 but today many call her an entitled bitch. (And yeah, she is but that’s a lot of what makes her so amazing).
Her kicking ass in challenges and being a lively spirit contrasted to her nasty demeanor to Jill and especially Marty personally attacking them and her boot episode meltdown, contribute to making one of the most wishy-washy characters when it comes to people’s opinions on her. I don’t what to be told how to feel, I want to come up with it on my own, and I feel like a lot of that has been lost in recent years of Survivor and seeing Jane and having all these different perspectives on her personality just adds so much life.
There is a reason why so many people despise her and so many people love her, she’s just edited that well to where people have had to come up with their own feelings about Jane. Not being coerced to feel a certain way, and I feel that is the best way to edit a character. What you see is what you see, not an objective stance the show is trying to put onto you, and I feel all of Nicaragua shows this but Jane is the prime example. Perspective means everything with her.
This makes her one of the most complex characters of all time, she’s either a broken woman seeking admiration, an entitled bitch, or a badass southern lady who is an inspiration. It’s all based on what you value and isn’t that what Survivor is all about, a social experiment where you weigh your values and personalities with each other to build a society.
Speaking of building a society, how is Jane’s relationships with the cast, well let’s see her main stars:
Sash: Jane and Sash’s dynamic isn’t really shown and I think that actually helps her and Sash’s story. Sash is sleazy and doesn’t really make any genuine connections and we see that in her breakdown scene. When you watch the moment she learns she’s going home and the confessional she gives, you see a direct tone shift from how she talks about Chase and how she talks about Sash. When she’s almost crying about Chase and his betrayal, she is outright vile and nasty when talking about Sash. Showing this major lack of connection between them, that she never saw him as a friend and will not hold back from releasing her rage on him.
Chase: Jane and Chase’s connection is one for the books. Both being from North Carolina and being southern types, they instantly bond and feel close to each other. Their relationship just feels more special than anyone else’s that season, that’s what makes the betrayal so much more entertaining. You literally see her about to cry over Chase, they really were close and got to know each other and just to have him stab her in the back, it’s so good. It just felt special but it wasn’t enough for him to not cut her…
Now how could you talk about relationships and not bring up Jane’s defining one…
Fartay:
Come on! This rivalry is one of if not the best rivalry in all of Survivor. They just despise each other and really are either of them in the right? Not at all, that’s what makes it so great. Marty’s a sleazeball, cocky, and a smart ass while Jane’s an entitled, bitter, old lady and they just work so well off each other. You just have personal jab after personal jab that is just so entertaining and perfectly helps tell Jane’s story.
There is really no reason why they should hate each other as much as they do but their walks of life and personalities just clash so hard that you still understand why they hate each other. Jane takes everything Marty does to heart without any grain of salt, and it makes her reactions so visceral and truly legendary. It’s what makes Jane the Jane we love to love or love to hate!
Now, I think it’s time to talk about the pinnacle of Jane. Her magnum opus if you will… her boot episode.
The Wrath of Jane Will Break Out Tonight
This is one of my favorite episodes of Reality TV. Everything about it is perfect and told in such a way to where it’s the perfect ending for such a broken character.
Building her up with her daughter coming during the family visit, talking about her and how much she wants to provide for her. Having a seed planted in Jane’s brain after she’s not taken to the reward thinking she was entitled to be brought.
Fabio winning immunity, throwing everything for a loop, just when Jane’s attitude has really started to shift and then we get to the scene. Which personally is my favorite scene in all of Survivor without a doubt. The scene where the alliance tells her it has changed and she’s going home is so brilliant. The raw awkwardness and silence next to Jane’s utter disbelief and anger. After she flips them off it is followed by again my favorite confessional of all time.
This is what she has been building up to, everything just falls about when she believed she deserved to win. Having such raw and unfiltered emotions where she’s about to break down and cry and then the turn to anger and fury bringing Sash’s mother into it, talking about how she raised a damn liar. (WITH THAT HEAD COCK THOUGH) All with very subtle sound effects or just no music at all until she gets up and makes one last hoorah by pouring water on the fire. “I started and I put it out” 🔥🔥🔥
Then we get to tribal, where Jane is just done with the bullshit and just calls everyone out for being liars and backstabbers. “The writings on the wall Fabio!” Like come on, that is TV gold, followed by the vote having Chase and Sash “cowardly” play their idols sticking it to Jane when she is already at her lowest by not even having her vote count. She leaves bitter and broken, not the happy ending she felt she deserved.
Mortgage Gate
I’m putting this here because that’s where it best fits, and this is brief because it doesn’t really affect my rankings on Jane because it’s not in the season.
I wish they did show this though, as having this added layer of controversy between Sash and Jane with real world implications would have been amazing, even if what Jane is saying isn’t true it still would’ve shown her as an ass, making up lies just to make someone look worse. I just think it’s such an interesting topic to discuss that I wanted to give it its own section. Sash is sleazy so I wouldn’t pass him to do that, however Jane is extremely bitter and entitled so I could also see her making that up, I guess we'll never really know will we… (I know Marty called the incident fake, but it’s Marty, of course he’s gonna dispute whatever Jane says, if she says the sky is blue, he’ll say it’s orange).
I'm Not Breaking My Tile!
This kind of relates to the mask section of this write up. However, I wanted to talk specifically about Jane’s challenge prowess and wins throughout the season and how much it adds to this arc. Building her up as this badass figure competing against big guys half her age and actually winning?!? It gives an excellent face to the real Jane, having this much courage to go against Chase and Fabio even after winning, not only being such a badass in that moment but showing how she’s trying to play up this persona of old challenge great.
Jane, The Tribe Has Spoken
So in conclusion, you can see that when you really glance over Nicaragua you don’t see Jane as some sort of deep character. However, when you really look into her and her actions and motives you see a broken old lady who is obviously grieving. She is such a deep and complex character that Nicaragua needed to really round out the story.
Jane isn’t supposed to be this likable hero, nor is she supposed to be a villain, she’s not edited as one archetype. However you value your morals, is how you will see Jane and even if you find her an ass, you have to admit they tell it very well. She’s also objectively entertaining, her rivalry with Marty, her being badass during challenges, cooking fish in the woods, her boot episode meltdown, and so much more are just so iconic to me and make this season what it is.
This write up obviously won’t sway everybody, but I hope that if you rewatch Nicaragua, take a closer look at Jane and her actions and see how it lines up with somebody like Rupert or Coach who are much more prevalent when it comes to these “entitled, broken, facade” archetypes. You will see a brilliant story of grief, hatred, entitlement, and a fake persona that the show knows she is trying to present.
Personally, Jane will always be one of my favorite characters of all time with amazing scenes and a story almost as complex as Ian’s. She didn’t win this rankdown, but she won my heart and has definitely earned herself a #1 spot on my rankings for this endgame.
SMC0629: 19
DryBonesKing: 21
Zanthosus: 24
Tommyroxs45: 1
Regnisyak1: 20
DavidW1208: 24
ninjedi1: 24
Average Placement: 19.000
Total Points: 133
Standard Deviation: 8.206 (2nd Highest)