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No, really, not a shitpost. In a sense, because of the way GMs are all about the saves, he determined, before this year, that he would restrict his own usage.
The story notes that, earlier this year, he had his first multi-inning appearance since 2019. Here's the info and intro on that:

Hader, one of the greatest relievers of his era, had spent the previous four years working under unprecedented, self-imposed usage rules to keep himself healthy. Together with his agent, Jeff Berry, Hader became the first known relief pitcher to place such restrictions on himself.

Why?

That remained Hader's stance until a team was willing to make him a long-term commitment, a process that extended until late January, when the Astros signed Hader to a five-year, $95 million deal. It is the first multiyear deal of Hader's career. ...
Hader lost his arbitration hearing in 2019 and went unsigned for months this winter. ...
Hader got 12 saves in 2018, and then in 2019, he continued to pitch as the Brewers' closer, picking up 37 saves; he worked more than three outs in 15 of those 37 saves. The Brewers were using him like a Swiss Army knife, Berry recalled, and the lefty was thriving. ...
The following winter, Hader was eligible for salary arbitration for the first time. What he had done on the mound was largely unprecedented, but Berry, needing a comparable performance in history, cited Jonathan Papelbon's one-year, $6.25 million deal as a closer with the Boston Red Sox in 2009. Berry asked for $6.4 million in arbitration for Hader. The Brewers offered $4.1 million.
The day before the hearing, [assistant general manager David] Stearns and Berry spoke, and Stearns made a two-year offer over speakerphone. Though Berry doesn't remember the exact proposal, he said it did not reflect Hader's standing as an elite reliever. ...
When the arbitration hearing began, Berry made his case, pointing to Hader's historic performance. The lawyers working on behalf of the Brewers and MLB's labor relations department -- which typically drives arbitration recommendations to the teams, with the team carrying the right to act on its own -- focused on the saves, in spite of how Milwaukee deployed Hader.

And so, Berry gets an idea. And pitches it to Hader.
If the Brewers were going to fight the All-Star over his salary, then they would design rules to protect him. Berry had never heard of another pitcher dictating his own usage, but he also had never had a pitcher used as Hader had been. Berry proposed three new rules for Hader to present to the front office: He would not pitch more than two days in a row; he would not pitch more than three outs; he would pitch only in a save situation or when the score was tied.
And, Hader said yes. (And, with the Brewers, had Counsell's full support. And, at least silent acceptance from the Padres.)
Of course, the Astros signed him to a multiyear deal. And that gets us back to the start.

Berry asked Hader how he could be used by the Astros.
"Any way they want," Hader said. "They made a commitment to me, and I'll make a commitment to them."

There we are. Lots more, lots more, at the link, but it needed a lot of framing.

Anyone here have or have had a polestar and have switched to rivian? Pros cons? I love the polestar brand and want the P4 but the lack of support, spaces, and competitive pricing are my biggest reason to consider making the switch. Rivian looks great and seems like a Swiss Army knife for cars so it feels like a good choice.

Weird question I know but is there a good one out there that could at least split small sticks that are no bigger than an inch wide. Is it durable enough? Besides a Swiss Army knife or leatherman, just a knife not a multi tool.

I'm torn between the Connie's. I've basically decided it's my favorite platform in the game due to its pretty style and true swiss army knife versatility.......but which one would you guys pick?
Personally I'm torn between the taurus and aquila. Taurus seams the most useful with the larger cargo bay, especially since the snub fighters are useless right now
But the aquila gets a lot more hull hp, and hydro fuel, along with the better cockpit design
What do you guys think?

Hello, I am a swiss army sergeant. Got alot of time and not much to do other than hanging around and beeing bored.
I am 6"2, got blue, yellowish eyes, dark brown hair and a beard.
As a creative kind of person, i do alot of writing, reading and painting. I also do sports like boxing and climbing and i love to cook. Text me to cure your boredom, lonliness or the need for a vent! Looking for deep concersations, casual chat and lets see if we click
Down for a chat?

Hello, I am a swiss army sergeant. Got alot of time and not much to do other than hanging around and beeing bored.
I am 6"2, got blue, yellowish eyes, dark brown hair and a beard.
As a creative kind of person, i do alot of writing, reading and painting. I also do sports like boxing and climbing and i love to cook. Text me to cure your boredom, lonliness or the need for a vent! Looking for deep concersations, casual chat and lets see if we click
Down for a chat?

Champo Specco 7: Muppets from Space. This round is sponsored jointly by Arron Banks, who thinks we play four day cricket because of woke, and Colin Graves, who wants to sell Yorkshire so they can pay their debts to some guy called Colin Graves.
This was a round of absolutely excellent cricket games all over the place. We only had two draws, both dramatic as Derbs and Leics managed to hang on against Northants and Glos, and even the inevitable Surrey procession included a period of them being 15/4. Middlesex might win the award for most drama, heroically battling to a win in the face of the fearsome checks notes Mason Crane, but there were also tense finishes from Sussex, Lancs, and Essex. Great cricket was everywhere, but in true Champo fashion we still managed to sneak in some village stuff, like a bat going flying out of shot while the batter got bowled and a bit where Zak Crawley had a century taken off him cos he’d hit a no-ball whilst off the pitch. And as usual with the champo we had some big names making big performances.
On the radar
England test players: The headlines probably go to Crawley, who overcame a first innings goldie to get 238 as Kent batted their way out from behind a follow on. Subheader is Ollie Robinson’s 7 wickets, including a vicious bouncer to take out a well set batsmen with an old ball. There was also Pope and Lawrence batting their side back to winning ways from 15/4, Stokes taking a fifer on his bowling return, Jack Leach also making his return with some good wickets and tight lines, and even Joe Root offering some resistance for an otherwise dismal Yorkshire. It’s been a mixed bag for recent test names, but this round of quality cricket seems to suggest they might be coming into some form.
Fast bowlers: Stokes making his return to take 5 (albeit at quite a cost in runs) was good, but almost less important than him just getting plenty of overs under his belt, and into his surgically repaired knee. Olly Stone also bowled quick and took poles to keep his name in the conversation, with Dillon Pennington continuing his well-timed resurgence alongside. Sam Cook was slightly subdued but continued to press his claim, although Che Simmons, a man whose ‘new Jofra’ hype train was building up steam before he’d even played in the 2s for Warks, took the headlines. Dan Worrall, who has also built up a bit of a cult following from journos, took 10 in another outstanding display of Surrey’s might, and a late England callup isn’t an impossibility. As we build up to a post-Anderson world, there is at least some hope coming out of the Champo.
Matt Critchley: Essex are just about sustaining their push to keep pace with Man City Surrey, although Somerset have been a surprise package too. Either way Critchley is proving to be a real Swiss army knife. Quiet in the first innings, he took 4 wickets with his legspin to scuttle Warks and then batted through their big chase to leave himself on 99* and his team celebrating. With Rehan struggling again against a Glos onslaught and Hartley stuck behind the ever-impressive Nathan Lyon in Lancs’ pecking order, Critchley might yet play his way into some England recognition, or at least a Lions spot. In other allrounder news Dan Lawrence continued his weird transition, Joey Evison makes important contributions in all areas, Lyndon James got a ton but was limited with his bowling, George Balderson continued his good season with the ball, Liam Dawson is enjoying this golden stage of his late career, George Hill got more wickets but not runs, and Ollie Price put to bed the scandalous accusation from u/TheScarletPimpernel that his bowling isn’t that good.
Keaton Jennings: It’s hard to see any changes to the test openers, even if both Duckett and Crawley have been inconsistent in the champo thus far. Still, Keats got a ton in each innings to drive Lancs home, and also had some strong work with the Lions in India earlier in the year. With Lees’ red hot div 2 form falling away since promotion, Keaton is probably leading the ‘also ran’ pack amongst openers. Daniel Bell-Drummond might be his nearest competition in the form stakes, but Emilio Gay continued his good season, while Ben Charlesworth may be one for the future after another strong round.
Dropped off the radar
Fast bowlers: yeah, I know what I said earlier. But there are caveats. Saqib Mahmood has lacked some of his previous fire since his injury return and went off the field again with a niggle. Josh Hull, a man who got a lot of pre-season hype after his antics in the MBODC, suggested that he still has quite a bit of developing to do, and will have to start being more than just tall and left handed if he wants to reach his potential. Matty Potts, a man very much on the cusp of England selection, continued his season of taking a few wickets without really carrying his div 2 threat, and took some tap as a result. Gus Atkinson also looked a little lacking in penetration, although in fairness he was mostly bowling at batters who were more interested in survival than scoring, and Worrall took most of the wickets before Gus had a chance.
Injuries: Aside from Saqib, Sam Hain was arguably the big name this round, unable to bat as Warks subsided from a dominant position to a bitter loss. He joins a huge queue for the Edgbaston physio table. Elsewhere Matt Fisher was missing after a sprained ankle and Ben Coad’s body gave out again, and Brydon Carse was reportedly unavailable after having had quite a wayward start to the season. Jamie Overton has been ruled out for the summer too. There’s hope in the post-Anderson era, but the difference in fitness between him and the generation following him is pretty stark.
Ben Foakes: Look, I want nothing more than to see that jawline, those cheekbones, the stunningly blue pools of his eyes and the….well, anyway, he should be England’s keeper. But whilst he remains impeccable with the gloves Foakes isn’t really doing much with the bat this year to shake off the India tour batting hangover. His issue is also competition; obviously Bairstow is still stomping around in the background like a sunburned and unfeasibly angry caribou, but this round saw James Rew return to form with a lovely ton, Ollie Robinson almost batting Durham out of a hole single handed, and Jamie Smith adding to his increasingly bazball-esque portfolio. Jordan Cox isn’t a test keeper but is loving life at Essex too, and even guys like Bracey and Banton are getting batting form back. None is the equal of Foakes behind the stumps but Rew and Robinson are at least in the ballpark, and England’s suits may start to wonder if Foakes is just too beautiful for the world of test cricket.
Nice to see them having fun: Tom Helm, Rob Keogh, Ed Barnard, Adam Lyth, Mo Abbas, David Bedingham, Graeme Van Buuren, Mark Stoneman, Keaton Jennings, Jordan Clark
Will definitely play for England one day: Ben Charlesworth, Che Simmons, Joey Evison, Ollie Robinson, Jordan Cox, Tom Aspinwall, James Rew, Emilio Gay

Hi all. Every day I see people saying they struggle with bots and how they just aren’t fun. As a certified bot diver, I know how those missions can turn into absolute disasters in a second. However, there is a loadout that I think is the most flexible and efficient in almost all situations that I think will greatly help you and might even change your mind about playing bots. If not, at least I tried. This is what I take with myself when I just want to win.
A summary first, then some explanations.
Armour: heavy fortified (explosion resistance) Primary: Pummeler SMG Secondary: grenade pistol Grenade: stun
Stratagems: ballistic shield, AMR, rest to taste. I like Eagle airstrike and railcannon.
Armour: go heavy. While mobility is everything against the bugs, positioning is everything against bots. Speed isn’t essential, so pick protection. The Fortified perk gives you explosion resistance which is crucial because trust me, there will be times when it feels like the entire world is blowing up around you. There is also the white heavier medium suit whose name I forget, that one works well too if you find yourself too slow.
Primary: the Pummeler. If you don’t have it, the Defender works well too. They both reliably kill everything except the following: hulks, tanks, scout striders, factory striders. The reason we’re taking the Pummeler instead of the higher DPS Defender is the stagger effect it has. Its time to kill isn’t fantastic but you can lock down groups of enemies by alternating between them, kind of like how you used to with the pre-nerf Slugger. The reason for taking an SMG in the first place is the ballistic shield. More on that later.
Secondary: the grenade pistol. Two reasons: fabricators and close scout striders. We’re not bringing other explosives, so the GP is our factory killer besides any Eagles or orbitals you might take. Its real strength, however, is its ability to one-shot scout striders at ranges too close for the AMR. It’s not always consistent and you might have to hit them another time, but that’s not a problem because you’ll be reloading behind your shield, which the striders cannot penetrate. You can also use it against devastators but probably not much, since it does have limited ammo. Although it is fun arcing a grenade over a heavy dev shield and nailing them in the face.
Grenade: stun. We’re taking this for hulk hunting. I don’t know how long exactly the stun is, but it’s really good. Easily long enough to switch to the AMR, line up a shot, fire, line up another, and fire again. No more hulk. It can also shut down groups of smaller enemies but that’s mostly handled by our primary.
Now for the stratagems.
Ballistic shield: this is the centerpiece of the loadout. Underrated, underutilised, unbelievably good. This thing is bulletproof, literally. It will block everything ranged except explosions and fire. Small arms? No problem. Raider or heavy dev machine guns? Ping right off. Scout strider cannons, tank MGs, even the heavy frontal miniguns on factory striders? Not getting through this bad boy. The best thing about it is that it’s directional, meaning that you can choose which side you want to protect. Just carrying it covers your left, aiming covers your front, and pulling out your support weapon covers your back.
Now I did say it doesn’t work against explosives. This is a downside, but that’s why we’re bringing armour with the fortified perk. I suggest against trying to block rockets and cannons since they can break the shield, but this is unlikely to happen if you use it as intended. It’s also useless against flamethrowers, which is why we’re carrying stun grenades for disabling and hopefully eliminating those hulks that carry them.
What’s great about bringing the shield is that it makes you think about your positioning in a way fighting bugs never does. Against bugs you run and kite, never stopping because if you do, you’re dead. Against bots, this will not work. You will be killed, over and over again. You have to be slower, more methodical. Unlike bugs, bots are easy to outrun, but if they catch you out of cover, especially if they get a flank on you, you’re toast. With the shield, however, you can pick the weaker flank, take a deep breath, and attack them instead of them attacking you. What’s neat about this is that this tactic is viable even without the shield but doing it with it first builds up your skill and especially confidence; it’s a bit daunting at first.
I could ramble on and on about the ballistic shield but I think I’ve gone on long enough already. Let’s move on to the last part of the loadout, which is...
The anti-materiel rifle, or AMR: yes, materiEl. In my opinion, the true Swiss army knife of the automaton front. Some might protest and say the autocannon is it. I disagree, because while the AC is a great weapon, it lacks two things the AMR has: a free backpack slot needed for the shield, and good sights. If I’m not bringing the shield, I do take the AC sometimes. Despite its name, the AMR is perfectly good against personnel too. Since we’re bringing an SMG, we’ll be using the AMR for long-range chaff clear too. It’s also usable, if not ideal, for close range, although the massive recoil makes it challenging for that purpose. Still, if you get cornered with it you can forsake accuracy and just mag dump anything in front of you and chances are it’ll work because despite appearances, this thing has an insane fire rate. It’s not ammo efficient, but it’s better than dying. However, we’ll primarily be using the AMR for precise shots at weak points. It kills all devastators with one shot to the head, scout striders with one or two shots to where the legs attach, and hulks with two shots to the optic. It destroys the factory strider’s miniguns with four-ish shots, kills them outright with one and a half mags to the underside. It downs gunships with four to an engine. It’s useless against tanks unless you can get a shot at the backs of their turrets, but we still have two unused stratagem slots for those.
As for those, nothing else is “mandatory" for this build so pick what you like or what suits the mission. I like the basic Eagle strike because of its utility in killing everything. The railcannon is great for those moments when you see a hulk you want to absolutely, positively just delete in an instant. Precision strike works wonders against tanks, as do the 110mm rockets. 120mm is great for groups and factory striders. 380mm levels big bases and stuff like dropship depots and command bunkers. You get the idea.
So there you have it, IMO the most versatile bot loadout you can bring. As I said, this is my win button for when I’m not interested in experimenting and just want to get the job done. It’s effective and it’s fun. If you’re a bugdiver struggling against the socialist menace or just need something different to mix up your Scorcher & AC life, give it a try. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Any questions, feel free to ask. SES Queen of the Stars, over and out.

I have a small swiss army knife that's very been useful in a few situations where I randomly need to open a can or unscrew something.
I never really thought about it before, but is it legal to have one on me? I dont mean carrying it in a pocket or something, it's usually just in the bottom of my bag.

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I want to thank Meatcanyon and Wendigoon for starting Creepcast. I've played around with writing horror, and here is my first short story. I will post it for free in a few other places to see what people think. Please enjoy!
A Hike to Remember
By R.L. Oclen
Chapter 1
A woman sits with hastily pulled-up fire-red hair in the waiting room of the state patrol station. The procedurally sterile off-white walls and decade-old magazines do little for comfort. With her head hanging low, her shoulders pushing forward, and her boots rapidly tapping on the floor, something has to give.
"Please just let her be okay." The woman growls as a pair of officers come in from the field. The officers' demeanors quickly change when they see the familiar face.
"Tabitha, did Officer Nichols call you?" one of the state patrol officers asked sympathetically.
"Yes, he asked me to come in and pick up a few things," Tabitha said, shooting back a muted look.
" I'll let them know you're here." The officer said, nodding to Tabitha as they passed the security door. Tabitha leaned back against the hard plastic chair, staring blankly into the fluorescent light. She had done this dance in the macabre repeatedly over the past month. The last image of her younger sister, Lisa, still burned in her mind. Tabitha had always been protective over her younger sister after their parents died. A pang of guilt shoots through her chest as she thinks about her and Lisa's argument.
"Tabitha Hymm, Officer Nichols is ready for you."
"Okay," she stood up, shaking off her guilt, and followed the officer back. The familiar surroundings of the state patrol station blurred as Tabitha stared forward. She followed the officer as they came to a rustic wooden office door, which was embossed with "Officer Nichols."
The escorting officer turns the old brass door knob. "Sir, I have Tabitha Hymm here." A grizzled West Virginia Highway State Patrol veteran sits behind the desk and nods. The escorting officer steps aside, pushing the door open as Tabitha pushes past him and slumps in the awaiting chair like so many times before. An uncomfortable relationship had formed between the two, born out of necessity and duty.
"Cup of coffee?"
"No thanks. Let's just cut to the chase. You don't have anything new?"
The worn laugh lines and Officer Nichols's face flattens. His eyebrows contour sympathetically as he shakes his head.
"Tabitha, I don't have anything else new for you. I wanted to give you the clothes returned from the lab." Her face darkened at the same response she had heard many times.
"As we discussed two weeks ago, there is nothing new and no signs of struggle or foul play," Officer Nichols said while placing a box marked evidence on the table and sliding it forward. Tabitha began to weep at the realization of Lisa's clothes in front of her. In a coordinated queue, Officer Nichols brought out a box of tissues. Reluctantly, Tabitha took a few moments to unblur her vision.
"How does someone stop their car in the middle of the Remington West Virginia State Park, lock it, and then walk into the woods?" Officer Nichols clasped his hands together and sighed at her worn question.
"Tabitha, I wish I had an answer for why your sister stopped her car in the woods and simply walked off. We're still going through her cell phone, but no signs exist that anyone forced her. On that Tuesday morning, she pulled over to the side of the road, secured her car, and walked away." Officer Nichols said empathetically.
Tabitha became stoic at the same explanation she had heard many times before. " So what next?"
"You should go back to Ohio, and I'll contact you as soon as I have more information." She winced at Officer Nichols's words. Reality began to pull at her that bills and work wouldn't wait much longer.
"If I leave, she's gone for good."
" You staying won't bring her back." Officer Nichols said sympathetically.
" So is that it? She's just gone?"
" Tabitha, I'll be honest with you. In cases like this… when people do things like this. Recovery is harder in the spring due to the weather and the animals. You know her mental condition better than I do. I can't explain why she did what she did. But until I find a solution, a suicide note, some intention, or body. She's not here. Tabitha, I'm-"
" Don't you fucking say sorry!" Tabitha stood up, screaming at Officer Nichols, throwing the plastic chair backward against the wall. " I should just look for myself."
"No!" Officer Nichols said momentarily, gripping the desk as his face hardened, then relaxed. Tabitha was caught off guard by Officer Nichols, who was normally composed. "Tabitha, I know this is unbearable. I've sat on this side of the desk and had these conversations. Trust me; I need you to be safe if I need your help later."
Tabitha nods, knowing Officer Nichols is right. She reaches down, picks up the evidence box of her sister's belongings, and leaves.
" Tabitha, if you're heading home, don't stop your car; just keep driving." Tabitha stops to look at Officer Nichols, feeling an eeriness to his words.
" Goodbye, Officer Nichols," Tabitha said as she closed the rustic wooden door behind her. She counted the tiles as she exited the West Virginia State Patrol Station. Placing her sister's belongings carefully in the back seat of her Jeep, Tabitha then sat momentarily behind the steering wheel, staring at the emblem. The familiar numbness washed over Tabitha as she pushed the start button. She pulled onto the highway, driving to the motel that had been home for the last month or so. Muted pop music accented the drive back as her mind raced with questions. Once inside the two-and-a-half-star motel room, Tabitha sat her sister's belongings on the corner table, crumbled onto the bed, and cried.
***
Tabitha wiped the steam from the slightly spotted mirror above the bathroom sink. The hot water from the shower felt good and loosened some of the stress from her body. Looking back at her, Tabitha's face was framed by damp curls around her shoulders. Her face marked the stress of the past month. Frowning, she examined the bags under her eyes; sleep had to come tonight. Walking into the living area, She changed into her favorite gym shorts and oversized sleep shirt. The alarm on her phone flashed "7:00 am," so she could drive home five hours after breakfast.
Tabitha hated feeling comfortable in this once strange room, but falling asleep was getting easier now. Her eyes closed slowly as the ceiling fan droned evenly. At first, nothing came in her dreams, but she let her guard down and slipped further into sleep.
As she dreamed of floating overhead like a bird of prey, Tabitha soared over the vast Remington National Park. The high noon sun bore down on the crisp woods, perfectly contrasting sky and forest. The heat of the sun felt good on her feathers. Distant cries rang out through the dream-like forest, catching her attention. Tabitha tilted her wings toward the screams, feeling a sense of familiar curiosity.
She now recognized the sobs and cries for help as she flew closer, her sharp eyes locked on her sister leaning against a large oak tree. She glided overhead without care, examining the situation below. Lisa clung to the tree, her eyes darting back and forth, scanning upwards. Lisa's face reflected desperation, looking for help in any direction. Tabitha lazily circles Lisa several times before perching on a sturdy branch higher in one of the oak trees. She watched Lisa intently with hunger. She bellowed deeply, hearing the unnatural sound she made, catching Lisa's eyes. Lisa's expression changed; she became calm, almost uncaring, as she stared back at Tabitha's form. Hunger grew exponentially in Tabitha as she spread her large wings. Her large eyes gaze down at Lisa before diving straight for her sister.
Tabitha jolts awake to the alarm on her phone flashing "7:23 AM." She breathes in sharply, shaking off the last horrible thoughts from the reoccurring nightmare. The strange details become more vivid each time. The lingering memories of folk stories her mother told sat in the back of her mind. In those stories, the dead would reach out in dreams as a matter of warning. Leaning back on the headboard, she searched for the advice her psychologist gave her. During their last session, Dr. Ryland explained dreams are a form of self-actualization of guilt. He told Tabitha that it was natural to feel responsible when losing a loved one in this manner.
Tabitha grumbled, lightly running her hands through her red hair; she pushed everything to the back of her mind. "Get it together!" She grumbled to herself. She pushed herself off the bed and got ready to leave. It was going to be a long trip home, and the only thing she could do now was leave things in the authorities' hands. Packing up was pretty easy since she only cycled through the outfits she brought. The local laundromat must have made a small fortune off her. Tabitha took one last look at the box of Lisa's belongings before throwing them in her duffle bag. She was thankful she didn't have to spend another night in this room.
***
Tabitha sat behind the wheel, waiting for the 90's model minivan to finish their order so she could grab a breakfast burrito on the way out. Considering the situation, the Deer Stop Family Restaurant did have a good breakfast. Finally, pulling up to the 70-style drive-in board, Tabitha rolled off the order she had been accustomed to. " I'll take a large iced tea with the double breakfast burrito meal and hash browns, please."
" Would you like some happy hot sauce with that?"
" That's fine, and a few ketchup packets as well."
" Your total is $8.79. Please pull around."
She pulled around to her window, flashed her debit card, got the receipt, and waited for her food. Luckily, the young woman serving her wasn't very talkative in the morning. The last thing she wanted was a conversation about the weather or meaningless small talk.
" Here's your large iced tea and breakfast meal. Ketchup and happy hot sauce are inside."
" Thanks," Tabitha said while mustering her best fake smile. The woman only smiled and nodded as the service window automatically closed. She pulled into the parking lot and dug into breakfast. Turning the radio to the weather, Tabitha sat back and enjoyed her meal. The local DJ read through the headlines, making nonpartisan comments about politics and grumbling about improving the economy. Tabitha powered through the updates of the "out-of-state woman" who'd gone missing. It was nice that the local radio station gave Lisa's name, description, and a missing person's number for sightings or leads. Tabitha even interviewed with the local news and radio stations, hoping it would bring Lisa home. But she soon found all it brought was a sorrowful look from the locals as she interacted with them in her day-to-day life.
Finishing the last of her hash browns, Lisa wadded up everything in the paper bag and threw it in the back seat. The 9 AM weather report said it was nothing but clear skies and sun the rest of the week. Tabitha flipped the radio over to the greatest hit station, pulled out of the parking lot, and began her trip home. She memorized the roads, every bend and turn in the early weeks as she frantically looked for Lisa. There's something hypnotic about the trees: the way they flow together. The trees' green tops and the oak trees' wide trunks were a relaxing view. Tabitha enjoyed the lazy s-curves of the road, bending and winding around the hills and the trees. The occasional farmhouse or field dotted the sides of the road as she made her way to the main highway.
The blur of a semi-truck snapped Tabitha's attention as she pulled up to the mouth of the highway. She had four and a half hours ahead of her, which would be a long ride. Tabitha pulled onto the highway and picked up speed, noting sparse traffic. She relaxed into her seat, letting her gaze gloss over the blur of green foliage. Without warning, Tabitha caught a large shadow from the corner of her left eye. When she registered the black feathery form, Tabitha tensed up and slammed on the brakes as it swooped across the vehicle's hood. Quickly, she pulled the car safely off the road. She couldn't determine exactly what it was, but it was bigger than any bird she'd seen. It was a bird, right? Tabitha turned off her Jeep and grabbed the keys and cell phone. Standing before the Jeep, she looked over the grill to see if she made contact with the entity.
Bewildered, she scanned the tree line, spotting something in the distance. Sitting in the clearing of the large oak forest was an enormous black owl. It stared intently at Tabitha with bright, shiny yellow eyes. She pushed the lock button on her keys, causing the jeep to beep securely. She turned, looking across the open field, an enormous black owl perched in the upper branches of an old oak tree. Each step she took away from the road piqued her curiosity. Soon, Tabitha stood in the middle of the open field, staring intently into the eyes of the enormous owl.
The horn of a passing semi-truck blared, pulling Tabitha's attention away from the mysterious large creature. She looked back and saw that she had walked farther away from the Jeep than she had thought. She glanced back to the forest line only to see the enormous owl was deeper into the woods than before. She narrowed her vision to find the two large, bright yellow eyes staring back. Had it moved? The day's stress, care, and worry suddenly poured out of Tabitha. It was replaced by only curiosity and overbearing tranquility. She warmly smiled for the first time in months as her feet pulled her further into the woods.
Chapter 2
The tug of gravity pulls Tabitha to her senses as her body reacts, falling forward. Her arms thrust forward, bracing for impact. Water rushes around her face as she struggles to get her bearings. Quickly, Tabitha pushed herself up in the ankle-high stream she fell in. The haze slowly clears from her mind as she stares at the muddy water. The dull ache throbs up her legs. Tabitha can smell the sweat from her clothes. Her face contorted in panic as she quickly stood up in the water, looking for her cell. Thankfully, the device was still in her pocket, dry and unscathed.
"One o'clock. How can that be?" Tabitha says, slowly looking up from the screen to see the vast, dense West Virginia forest encompassing her view. She shakes her head back and forth with disbelief. A smile gently spreads across her face, with the last bit of tranquility leaving her body. How did I get out here? Her breathing becomes faster as her pulse begins to quicken. I'm in the forest. I'm all alone—just like Lisa!
"NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS FUCKING CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Tabitha screams into the void of trees. Her eyes well up with tears as she crumbles to her knees, gripping her phone tightly to her chest. Her sobs ring out through the thick oak trees. Her breath slows a little as she regains her composure. She begins to search her mind for anything. What is the last thing I can remember? The image of the black shadow crossing her vision while driving flashes into her mind.
"Okay, I got out of the Jeep, the…then what?" Tabitha says, trying to refresh her memories. She thinks her memory is not just gone; it's a black void in her mind. Complete blackness fills her mind right after remembering locking the Jeep and then turning to see the…
"Fuck I saw something. What was it!" Tabitha says, frustrated with her mind. She knew there must be a logical reason she was out here. Officer Nichols warned her not to go looking for her sister. She wasn't stupid; she just said that as a last-ditch effort to get him to do anything. Now I'm here.
"Run!" Tabitha heard Lisa's voice in her ear. Before she could turn around, she heard a loud bellowing coming from overhead. Fear shot down her back, reminding her of the nightmares she had over the past month. She shot forward full bore as something crashed to the ground behind her. Glancing back as she ran, a black mass of feathers convulsed between the broken branches of the trees. Its slick black feathers rippled across its surface as its bones crackled and flesh tore. Its body contorted and twisted from the shape of an owl to something bigger.
"Run, Tabby! Don't let it catch you!" Tabitha pushed forward, hearing Lisa's scream beside her face. Her breath burned in her chest, and she moved past the old oak trees bent over the creek bed. Her feet slammed rapidly, splashing along the side of the creek. Another loud bellow comes from behind as the trees bend and break to the force behind her. A small opening in the rocky creek bed catches her sight from the left. She dives into the crevasses, not caring where the fathoms lead. Tabitha tumbles in the pitch black, taking scrapes and sharp jabs from the rocks as she tumbles further into the void.
She finally tumbles to a stop on the sandy, wet floor of the cave. Her body aches from the sudden burst of exhaustion. The cool water running around her body from the creek is soothing despite her bumps and bruises. Pushing herself up, she scoots out of the water. Feeling her way forward, she finds a dry spot to collect herself. Quickly pushing her hand into her pocket, she finds her phone undamaged.
The sound of footsteps pushing against the creek fills the void around Tabitha as the light steps move closer to each other up the underground creekbed. She slowly removes her cell from her pocket and then shines the camera light toward the sound. A pair of scratched and bruised pale bare legs hold up a frail form in front of her in the creek. She wears the darkness as a shroud with nothing else to clothe her. Tabitha froze, not wanting to shine the light further in the pale form before her.
"Tabby, turn your light off. You need to save your battery." Tabitha turned off the light and then rushed forward, embracing Lisa—the how or why didn't matter, only the now. The pale form hugged her tightly. Tabitha felt her cold, bare skin. The darkness couldn't hide the feeling of the marks across her back and torso.
"Lisa, I'm-"
"Hush! I don't have much time. This wasn't your fault! I'm with Mom and Dad now. You have to survive, Tabby! Listen. Wait until the sun shines through the cracks, making a trail out. Follow it down the creek until you come to the opening. You'll see a large hill you hike up for a cell signal. And remember…If you can't see it… It can't hurt you. I love you-"
Tabitha stumbled forward before catching herself. The void in front of her arms was only filled by cool air. She looked up and noticed a faint glimmer of light pushing through the ceiling. She sat down, relaxing against the limestone wall of the cave, waiting for the trail of light to form.
***
After a few hours, the light shining through the cracks of the cave ceiling was bright enough to lead Tabitha to the other side. She stepped onto the creek bed, thankful for the sun hanging lower in the sky. Scanning the sky, Tabitha saw only a few clouds. The foothills of Appalachia backdropped the forest as she scanned for the hill. Her eyes found the trail leading up the steady slope of an impressive hill. The top of the hill was bare. Part of the hill must have sheared off in a landslide, leaving the top void of trees and a jagged cliff face. Tabitha started her hike up the back of the hill. She was careful to stay under the heavy canopy of the old trees, hopefully avoiding the creature's eyes.
She did her best to quiet her mind while hiking up the trail. Come on, almost to the top, then I can call 911, she replayed repeatedly in her mind. Her adrenaline made up for the lack of food since morning. She drank some water from a clean spot in the creek. She was placing her bet on rescue rather than worrying about the water.
Leaning against one of the trees, Tabitha took out her cell and measured the signal.
"Damn it, nothing!" She swore under her breath. She listened nervously and cautiously peered her head out from the tree line. Standing at the tree line, the cell phone still had a low signal. She pushed her anxiety down with a swallow and slowly stepped forward onto the bare rock. Tabitha was now out in the open. She walked with the cell phone pointed upwards, measuring the signal. Within three feet of the cliff face, her signal bar punched up to full. Tabitha began to punch in the numbers just as a pair of large yellow eyes appeared. She felt her legs become weak, and her vision blurred as the creature snared her in its gaze.
Tabitha ducked, missing the giant owl's claws as it swooped for her. She squinted her eyes shut, momentarily breaking the hold of the infernal beast as it crashed to the ground, tumbling down the path of old trees. On her hands and knees, she tucked the dialed phone back into her pocket. She heard the creature's loud bellowing, followed by the snapping of bone and flesh ripping. It was changing its shape to finish her off.
Tabitha tried to get up, but the flash of its eyes did something to her. Her legs were numb, her stomach was in knots, and she could barely put a few thoughts together.
"If you can't see it, it can't hurt you." Tabitha heard clearly in her left ear. She quickly pushed herself into a sitting position and fumbled for the key chain in her right pocket. Pulling the long chain of keys, luck charms, and keepsakes, her father's Swiss army knife dangled at the end. She slowly opened the half-inch blade. Her body wholeheartedly rejected her plan and tried to fight her. Every internal warning system sounded as her body fought against her as she brought the blade against the corner of her left eye.
She didn't know if she could do it until the creature bellowed in her direction. With one quick motion, the half-inch blade sliced across her left eye. The world dimmed and then went black on her left side. Behind her, the beast's thundering gallop was getting closer. Tabitha plunged herself into total darkness with the last bit of her strength. Her hand gripped tightly around the bloody knife as she folded forward onto the ground. She could feel herself weeping blood. She squinted, doing her best to stem the tide of blood loss.
A large feathered paw drove into Tabitha's right side, flipping her onto her back. She lay still as the hulking creature stood over her. It remained motionless, and Tabitha was confused about why it didn't move or bite her. Then she started to giggle, just a little at first. Then, laughing madly into the creature's face as it growled back at her. She could not see it; she couldn't see anything. Her mind couldn't be eaten!
The creature roared into Tabitha's face while plunging one of its sharp claws into her shoulder. Tabitha screamed in pain, slashing the knife downward. The blade hit something soft, and she ripped the blade down, rending whatever she had hit on the abomination. A bright yellow, foul-smelling liquid gushed in a torrent over Tabitha's face. She turned to cough, having swallowed a portion of it. The creature reared back, squealing in pain. Its hind leg came down hard on Tabitha's leg, snapping her tibia. She jerked her leg up, causing the creature to tumble forward and fall over the edge of the cliff side.
Tabitha heard the creature crash below at the base of the hill. A large dead tree speared the creature through its chest. Tabitha could hear the labored whines of the creature as its cries became weak and slowed. A wave of sickness hit her as she rolled over and vomited. The foul smell drenched her. She did her best to focus, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the phone. By memory, she typed in the unlock pin. She held her breath and placed her thumb where the call button should be.
She could hear the call being made then, "911. What is your emergency?"
"Please help me! A bear has attacked me, and I can't see. I think I am on a hill."
"Ok, ma'am, stay with me! Do you know where you are located?"
"No, I'm lost. Please send help."
"It's okay. Stay with me on the phone, and I'll use the cell signal to try to find you."
"I'm on top of one of the hills. I think I am lying on a bare roc-" Tabitha slipped unconscious with the cell still tightly in her hand. Her body began to tremble and convulse.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! Stay with me. I have help on the way."
Chapter 3
A young man in military fatigues frantically compiles images and reconnaissance data from his drone feed. Confirming his hunch, he commands the winged surveillance drone to make a hard left and send a live video feed. His eyes widened as he saw a large owl-shaped shadow crash onto the top of a hill. He watches in awe as the sleek black owl twists and shifts into something much larger, like a grizzly. As the drone turns, he sees a woman at the cliff's edge trying to steady yourself on her hands and knees.
He bolts up from the command module, jotting down the drone's coordinates on one of the printouts. The drab government-issued office motif for the watch station blurs in the corner of his eye as he rushes down the hallway to the watch commander's office.
"Sir, recon has eyes on AMOS! And it's feeding!" the man said, swinging the heavy wooden door open. He took the hastily compiled file and pushed it forward to the commanding officer.
An older, tanned man quickly stands, reaching for the files. His brow furls, seeing his charge is awake. "Keep eyes on it! Go Adams!" The young man nods, turning on his heel and bolting for the drone command module. As his office door slams shut from the subordinate officer, he grabs his headset and frantically dials the closest military outpost to the coordinates.
"Hello, Sergeant Klein; this is Agent Smith of Black Watch outpost 7948! Shadow is active, code Alpha, Mike, Oscar, Sierra. The coordinates and data package have been sent. A civilian is on the ground; deploy strike-and-rescue ASAP.
"We'll be up in five, Agent Smith! The line cuts as Agent Smith closes out the call on his headset and rushes to the door. The normally quiet watch station buzzes alive, with personnel flooding the central command station. The background echoes resource allocation calls, frantic typing, and the hum of cold computers warming up.
"Adams, get our eyes back on Amos!"
"Coming back around in 30 seconds." Thirty sets of eyes stare at the three giant screens, anxiously waiting for the drone feed to clear the bank of trees. The camera clears the tre top to see the giant feathered grizzly rear back slinging its massive head away from its prey. Its large yellow right eye spews bright yellow liquid all over the red-haired woman and the cliff face. The giant feathered grizzly missteps, crushing the woman's leg and causing the creature to tumble over the cliff face.
"Fuck!" Agent Smith yells in horror as he watches AMOS fall four stories, impaling a sharp, 3-meter-tall log lodged in the boulders. The command center freezes wide-eyed at the flailing dying creature on screen. Agent Smith pulls his cell out quickly and dials.
"Klein, Scrub the current request! AMOS is down! Switch to rescue and harvest now!
"What, someone took out AMOS?"
"YES! It's at the bottom of the cliff, bleeding out essence! The woman is covered in it as well. Clean as much of it off her as possible before you take her to the ER.
"Understood!"
Agent Smith, in a rage, slings his phone straight forward, connecting with Private Adams's skull. Adams flinches at the sudden impact of the hard plastic and covers his head. Agent Smith grabs the table in front of him and flips it over, sending the computer equipment crashing to the government-issued tiled floor.
"A two-year cycle gone! All that essence is gone! Now I have to wait another 24 months for AMOS to resurrect!" Agent Smith screams, causing the rest of the staff to recoil away in fear.
"Jones!" Agent Smith says sternly, turning to a petite woman on his left. She stares at him, pleading.
"Yes Sir?'
"Get Officer Nichols on my office line. That fuck up has some explaining. He should have told us AMOS was awake."
"Right away!" Jones quickly sits back down and begins dialing Nichols, thankful she doesn't have to deal with Agent Smith further. The command center quickly shifts gears as Agent Smith returns to his office.
***
Two Weeks later…
"Tabitha… Tabitha… This is Doctor Wilhelm. Wake up." The kind older gentleman said as they gently nudged Tabitha in her hospital bed.
"Where am I?" Tabitha asked, waking from what felt like years of sleep. She sat up, the world still pitch black, but an odd sense of the world around her seemed to hum just behind her eyes.
"You're in the hospital, dear; you scared us. Do you remember anything?" He said as he sat down on the side of her bed.
Tabitha thought for a moment the last parts after she slashed her eyes were a blur. She remembers people yelling and the sound of two or three helicopters over her. " No, it's really all just a blur."
"Well, it's probably for the best. You had some very serious injuries. The first night, we honestly didn't think you would make it. Then…" The doctor trailed off with a concerned expression, not knowing how to explain things further.
Tabitha felt his pulse quicken somehow. She didn't understand it but fully felt or sensed the doctor beside her. She sensed the two other nurses standing at the end of the bed. Her body didn't hurt. She felt great. She felt hungry.
"Doctor, you said had. What happened to my injuries?" She said calmly, trying not to startle the old doctor further.
"Well, Tabitha, it's the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen. You had violent seizures from the minute you hit the entrance of the ER. We couldn't even set your leg. The medications we gave you had a minimal effect, and you thrashed so much that we had to restrain you. Then, the early morning check-in found you in a deep sleep. All but your eyes were completely healed. So we switched gears to support care and treated your eyes the best we could." He said, watching her reaction.
Tabitha leaned back in her bed, taking in the wild account. "Do you know how I healed so quickly?"
"What happened to you is beyond all scientific reason. A miracle is the only way the staff and I can explain it. I know you have been through a lot, but I want to check your eyes."
"Thank you for all your help, Doctor Wilhelm." She said, sitting up in bed.
"You are most welcome, dear. Now I am going to unwrap your eye-dressing. Hold still, please." he said as he reached up and pulled on the bandage tape. Tabitha felt a quick tug and felt the bandages loosen from around her head. The doctor slowly unwrapped the bandages. The doctor's brow wrinkled as he examined the two large black scabs covering Tabitha's eyes.
"Tell me if this hurts at all, ok?"
"Yes, doctor." She relaxes as the doctor's gloved fingers pass over the scab. He pushes and gently tugs at the side of one, and it starts to lift. He pulls on the scab more, and Tabitha begins to sense the light as it hits her eyelid.
"Oh, I can sense the light, Doctor Wilhelm!" She said, smiling.
"Wonderful! Nurse Allen, please hand me some saline solution. I think a little water will loosen these right up. Hold still; this may feel cold," he said as he reached for the solution. She felt the cool liquid flush over the left eye, then the right. The scabs fell away with a gentle tug from the doctor. She could see the light shine through her eyelids. She grinned widely, happy to have some form of sight left.
"Please open your eyes for me," he said as he sat back on the bed. Tabitha slowly opened her eyes. The flood of light was almost too much, causing her to squint. After a few moments, she adjusted to the fluorescent lights. Three figures began to take shape in front of her. First, the distinguished older features of Doctor Wilhelm came into view quickly, followed by the brunette and blonde younger nurses standing at the end of the bed. Suddenly, her vision snapped into place, crisp and clear.
"I can see perfectly! This is amazing! Thank you, Doctor Wilhem!" she said, turning to look directly into his eyes, but he stared back at her unmovingly.
"Doctor Wilhelm?" she said as her expression became more worried. Doctor Wilhelm just sat staring, intensely focused on her eyes. His expression was overbearingly calm. She glanced at the nurses, rigidly staring back at her with trapped, calm expressions. Doctor Wilhelm began to twitch slightly. It traveled from the base of his spine out to his limbs, finally convulsing.
"Doctor Wilhelm, are you okay?" Tabitha yelled as the doctor began to have a seizure and fell on top of her bed.
"Help Him!" She screamed at the two nurses only to see both of them crumble to the tiled floor. One of them bashed her head off the bed frame. Tabitha recoils back from Doctor Wilhelm in terror as he starts foaming at the mouth. She climbs over the bed rail and hits the tiled concrete floor with a thud. Her adrenaline surges as she bolts for the door, looking for help.
At the entrance of her hospital room, she sees another nurse leaving the adjacent room. "Please, my doctor and staff need help!" As the male nurse turns to see Tabitha, he suddenly goes stiff before collapsing into a violent seizure, spilling his cart over with him.
"What's happening!" Tabitha screams, thinking something is in the air, or everyone has come down with something. A pair of security guards round the corner, hearing the screams and commotion.
"Ma'am, are yo-" The guard freezes mid-stride as he makes eye contact with Tabitha. Both men start to convulse and topple over, thrashing violently on the hard tile.
"No, no, no, no!" Tabitha yells as she darts into the women's bathroom, a few doors up the hall. She runs in, terrified of the situation. She approaches one of the sinks, bracing herself against the cool porcelain. Her stomach turns, and she dry heaves in the sink. She steadies herself while turning on the cold water. Leaning in, she takes a drink. As she looks up, a glint of two yellow eyes catches her. Tabitha stumbles backward on reflex. Then, she sees her reflection in the mirror. Two completely bright yellow eyes stare back at Tabitha. She screams at herself in the mirror, not feeling hungry anymore.
The end.
I will

TLDR: I'm looking for a pocket knife with some additional tools. Requirements: - pocket clip - full sized blade, maximum 8 cm (around 3 inches) - one handed opening at least for the blade - locking blade - strong flathead drivepry tool (like on most of the SAKs) - ideally scissors - slim design - not expensive (under $100)
Long story: I'm on an impossible mission to find the perfect EDC pocket knife. I currently have a Victorinox Mini Champ in my pocket, which is an incredible value for its size. I also always have my first SAK, a Victorinox Camper in my backpack for bigger jobs.
But now I want to update my set. I've just ordered a SOG Powerpint because I wanted a compact plier tool that could replace the Camper in my backpack and also be a good companion on bike trips. I also ordered a Topeak Ratchet Rocket Lite for bike tours, but that's not important. I'm still planning to take the Mini Champ with me as it's a quality little tool with lots of features, but I'd like to pair it with a normal sized but slim pocket knife that has some extra tools on it. I have found that most of the time I need a knife, a pair of scissors, a strong flat head screwdriver that can be used as a prying tool and a pair of tweezers. The Mini Champ has the tweezers and the scissors (although I would like a bigger one).
When I found the Gerber Lockdown Slim Pry, I thought I had it, although I don't really like the blade. Then I learnt that Gerber screw up all their nice designs during implementation and the Lockdown Slim Pry is no exception based on reviews. Here are some other tools I considered, but none of them are ideal: - Leatherman FREE K4: closest to my requirements, although I would have omitted the awl and Phillips screwdriver and made it thinner. However, the blade is 84mm, which is over the legal maximum of 80mm. It is also quite expensive in my country, more like $140-150. - Leatherman FREE T4: cheaper than the K4, but bulky and has many tools I don't need. - Roxon S501/S501U: At first I thought I only needed a knife and scissors, and these tools fulfil that need perfectly with good quality. Now I realise that I would miss a pry tool and maybe I don't need the big scissors. - Roxon KS2E: Nice little tool, but for me it has too many features and the blade is too small compared to the body. - Gerger ArmbaSlim Cut: although Gerber make some mistakes with their knives, I could see one of the Armbars as my primary pocket knife. However, neither the Slim Cut nor the Drive has a pocket clip. Only the bulkier Scout and Cork have one, but I don't need a can opener, cork screw or saw. - Pentagon, Rocktol and other brands on Aliexpress: they have very similar form factors to the Armbar and have a pocket clip, but they have too many tools and their quality is questionable. - The James Brand - The Ellis: looks very nice and Jon from Jon Gadget even replaced his beloved Victorinox Compact for a while but went back to it because the pry tool on the Ellis is not practical (too short) and for other reasons. For me it's expensive, not one-handed, not lockable.
Overall, I'm a bit lost. I probably will not find a perfect pocket knife that meets all my requirements. Maybe my needs are not even reasonable. But I'm reaching out now in the hope that someone knows a tool that I'm not aware of.

TLDR: I'm looking for a pocket knife with some additional tools. Requirements: - pocket clip - full sized blade, maximum 8 cm (around 3 inches) - one handed opening at least for the blade - locking blade - strong flathead drivepry tool (like on most of the SAKs) - ideally scissors - slim design -> not many other tools - not expensive (under $100)
Long story: I'm on an impossible mission to find the perfect EDC pocket knife. I currently have a Victorinox Mini Champ in my pocket, which is an incredible value for its size. I also always have my first SAK, a Victorinox Camper in my backpack for bigger jobs.
But now I want to update my set. I've just ordered a SOG Powerpint because I wanted a compact plier tool that could replace the Camper in my backpack and also be a good companion on bike trips. I also ordered a Topeak Ratchet Rocket Lite for bike tours, but that's not important. I'm still planning to take the Mini Champ with me as it's a quality little tool with lots of features, but I'd like to pair it with a normal sized but slim pocket knife that has some extra tools on it. I have found that most of the time I need a knife, a pair of scissors, a strong flat head screwdriver that can be used as a prying tool and a pair of tweezers. The Mini Champ has the tweezers and the scissors (although I would like a bigger one).
When I found the Gerber Lockdown Slim Pry, I thought I had it, although I don't really like the blade. Then I learnt that Gerber screw up all their nice designs during implementation and the Lockdown Slim Pry is no exception based on reviews. Here are some other tools I considered, but none of them are ideal: - Leatherman FREE K4: closest to my requirements, although I would have omitted the awl and Phillips screwdriver and made it thinner. However, the blade is 84mm, which is over the legal maximum of 80mm. It is also quite expensive in my country, more like $140-150. - Leatherman FREE T4: cheaper than the K4, but bulky and has many tools I don't need. - Roxon S501/S501U: At first I thought I only needed a knife and scissors, and these tools fulfil that need perfectly with good quality. Now I realise that I would miss a pry tool and maybe I don't need the big scissors. - Roxon KS2E: Nice little tool, but for me it has too many features and the blade is too small compared to the body. - Gerger ArmbaSlim Cut: although Gerber make some mistakes with their knives, I could see one of the Armbars as my primary pocket knife. However, neither the Slim Cut nor the Drive has a pocket clip. Only the bulkier Scout and Cork have one, but I don't need a can opener, cork screw or saw. - Pentagon, Rocktol and other brands on Aliexpress: they have very similar form factors to the Armbar and have a pocket clip, but they have too many tools and their quality is questionable. - The James Brand - The Ellis: looks very nice and Jon from Jon Gadget even replaced his beloved Victorinox Compact for a while but went back to it because the pry tool on the Ellis is not practical (too short) and for other reasons. For me it's expensive, not one-handed, not lockable.
Overall, I'm a bit lost. I probably will not find a perfect pocket knife that meets all my requirements. Maybe my needs are not even reasonable. But I'm reaching out now in the hope that someone knows a tool that I'm not aware of.

I'm sure you get these all the times, but I'm asking anyway. As far as bikes go, I've always ridden heavy cheap bikes from Canadian Tire or hand me downs. My knees burn when I ride. I'm 33 and have two sons, 5 and 3. We go on bike rides lots, especially now that my 5 year old learned to ride a 2 wheeler! I usually pull the 'buddy bike' on mine where my 3 year old sits. Anyway, for the first time I started looking at better bikes, specifically the low end of better bikes, $1000 CAD range and it's opened up a world I never paid attention to. I'm interested in the Gravel bikes, I live in a town, gravel and paved roads and go camping sometimes but is something we plan on doing more often now the boys are getting older. The Swiss army factor of the Gravel bikes seem like a good fit.
Do you think jumping into the world of higher end bikes is worth it for my purposes? I can only relate to guitars or tools. As a plumber I think of pump pliers, a regular home owner would be fine to own some mastercraft pump pliers, for the few times they might use them a year. They won't know any different. If they needed to use them often, and upgraded to Channellocks, the difference would be significantly better and all the pump pliers they would ever need. Now, they could still upgrade to something like Knipex pump pliers, that's yet again, a whole different level. I use Knipex at work, the grip and longevity over Channels is significant, even though the Channels over the mastercraft is significant. That's a long winded way of suggesting the Channellocks are probably more than ideal for me, a $3000 bike is going to be beyond what I can appreciate I think.
I was looking at Moose Gravel Express, Made in Canada, $1200, looks great, steel tube but is probably still going to feel like a massive upgrade toy $250 CCM Canadian Tire bike.
Any pointers, suggestions, tips, thoughts for someone interested in opening this door?