My daughter’s birthday is coming up and for it all she wants to do is go to our local animal Wildlife park. She’s inviting a couple of friends and our local(ish) family is coming + I’ve booked an encounter with her favourite animal. My partner (her dad) has never done much regarding planning birthdays, I just keep him informed of what’s going on.
He mentioned today his aunt had booked plane tickets to come down for the time period and will be able to make the birthday. Normally great but his aunt requires a service dog and this specific wildlife park does not allow them in. She’s (understandably) not able to be separated from it.
My partner (and now his parents) think we (I) should reorganise the day because his aunt would be offended we’re doing something she can’t come to. I think we should keep the plans as they are but we can also do stuff with his aunt the day before/after and so breakfast and dinner on her actual birthday. WIBTA for this?

I don't normally celebrate my birthday around people, but I feel like celebrating it this year with close friends. Around 7 people lang naman invited and 500/person budget. Any restaurants and/or chill bars suggestions around makati?

My (22F) little sister (19F) and her boyfriend (20M) have been dating for about half a year and he’s honestly the best friend/partner she’s ever had. He genuinely cares for her, is kind and I fully approve of him.
Last year my little sister was dating a different guy who ended up cheating on her towards the end of their relationship and he broke up with her on Valentine’s Day. I really despise that guy and told her to cut him off multiple times but she’s still friends with him. Our parents are quite controlling (I moved away) which causes her to not have any opportunities to meet new people. She has like two people aside from her boyfriend she regularly hangs out with and is barely allowed outside as our parents bombard her with household responsibilities. This is the biggest reason she’s still friends with her horrible ex from last year. I feel like her threshold when it comes to tolerating horrible behavior is extremely high due to our parents which also causes her to be okay with having her ex in her life as a friend. I can fully say that she doesn’t have any romantic feelings for him anymore, she openly says he’s not a good person and also not a good friend sometimes.
A few days ago it was my little sister’s birthday and her boyfriend planned a surprise party for her. He recruited me for help and together we invited multiple people, including her ex because he’s one of her friends. Many people couldn’t come and all of them gave us reasons whereas her ex straight-up ghosted me and her boyfriend in the group chat. Her ex said that he would definitely come plus plan but then did nothing. At this point he’s not even a good friend.
After this, my little sister’s boyfriend texted me and expressed his hate for her ex and said that he would like to talk to me about my little sister still being in contact with her ex. He said that he’s hurt she’s still friends with him, specifically because her ex was so horrible to her during their relationship. The fact that her boyfriend messaged me about this makes me think that he really cares and needs my help/advice.
I am conflicted about talking with her boyfriend. Part of me would at least like to talk with him on a shallow level about it because I do know the reasons of why her ex is still in her life. I want to let her know he messaged me but don’t know how or when. My little sister and her boyfriend have openly talked about this issue with each other as well and she knows his dislike for her ex. To be honest, I feel like her boyfriend is in the right in this issue and my little sister isn’t being fully reasonable by continuing to have contact with her ex. I really don’t want them to break up over this.
Pretty much the conclusion is that I don’t want my little sister to lose a really good relationship because of a horrible ex that she hasn’t cut off. I want to make the best decision to help them in their relationship but don’t know what to do. How should I navigate this?
tldr; My little sister is still in contact with a cheating ex and her boyfriend messaged me to discuss this issue with me. I also disapprove of her ex but don’t know how to help them in this conflict.

So one of my best friend’s (let’s call her A) brother’s is getting married. My best friend (A), our other best friend, and I (24F) are all a long time trio. We have been a close group of friends for more than 10 years.
We are all from Southeast Asia. However, A has been living in the US since 2017. She moved there for college and has been working there ever since. She visits from time to time, usually during Christmas, and we all hang out. I’d say we video call more frequently, but since the pandemic, we only see each other in person twice a year.
A has been telling us about her older brother’s wedding for a long time. Her older brother is marrying a woman who comes from a pretty well-known family. Majority of his fiancée’s relatives are popular actors and actresses or married to them, to the point where one of her non-celeb uncles married a popular actress and ran for a high political position using that, and won.
Because A’s older brother’s wedding is in July, she is flying home to attend it as a bridesmaid. She discusses the wedding with us from time to time.
I am not actually sure if A will invite us or not, and I don’t want to voice anything because I don’t want to invite myself. Plus, the bride and groom (her brother) might want a small wedding. However, I made the mistake of telling my mom—“It’s fine if she doesn’t invite us, though I would really like to see X.” X is a popular and handsome actor; he’s the bride’s cousin, and he got pretty famous due to a Netflix show. Now, he even has an international fanbase.
My mom is now insisting that I have to jokingly tell A— “Hey, if you have extra seats, we’re willing to go! We want to catch a glimpse of X.” She says that it’s culturally acceptable in our region to voice these things out (she’s kinda right, this is an Asian wedding), and everyone in my region invites their close friends to their siblings’ weddings. My mom also said that cost won’t be an issue (A’s dad is a billionaire).
Although my friend and I do want to go, the fact that A hasn’t really said anything about inviting us probably means she’s not in charge of the invite list. Besides, July is right around the corner.
My mom keeps saying that if I don’t voice it now I’ll regret it, and that A probably wanted to invite us anyway but forgot due to her scatterbrained nature (she is pretty forgetful, one time she almost forgot to invite us to her own birthday party when we were the only non-relative guests on her list). I’m putting my foot down and told my mom I won’t be asking for an invite just out of common courtesy, and now my mom is mad.
WIBTA if I jokingly ask A for invites to her brother’s wedding? (ADDENDUM: A once said we were all invited to her brother’s wedding, but this was in 2018–she mistakenly thought he was proposing that year).

TW for mention of critical illness, hospitals, parental strife
This story spans over a few years so I'm sure I'll have to edit this to clarify.
When I was 17 years old I got diagnosed with a thing in my brain* through an MRI.
^\The shorthand is "AVM" for arteriovenous malformation, a tangle of blood vessels that irregularly connects arteries and veins. In the brain, it can cause brain bleeds which affect cognitive and motor function and can also result in death. The way i explain it is that you've got the blood pressure and flood of an artery going into a deformed clump of capillaires and veins with thin walls, deforming them further. The risk of rupture increases every year. Idk if it sounds scary enough like that, but it's like a ticking time bomb.)
I got gamma radiation shortly after, which is only relevant because they use a metal frame with metal spikes they drill against your skull so you can’t move your head during radiation. I chose this method of treatment because it was supposed to be quick and painless with no general anaesthesia but it turned out that the treatment experience was completely traumatising and I’m still living with a clinical PTSD diagnosis following that.
This mode of treatment aims at calcifying the inside of the veins in a specific zone and the gradual closing of vulnerable veins can take from 6 m to 3y.
I have siblings and we’ve all always been afraid of our dad. He was always extremely authoritative and we were very well behaved because of that. He got angry very easily, and the smallest thing would send him storming off screaming and breaking things, preceded by silent treatment (which was somehow the scariest all). He’d punish us extremely strictly, and would often drive up to 40km/h over the speed limit to scare or punish us, the reasoning was something like « if we all die it’s your fault because we made me angry).
All this to say my relationship with my father has always been extremely vertical and our relationship never grew into something like equal footing and I always got extremely nervous and scared whenever I was about to meet with him.
This being said, there is no amount of words I can use to describe the depth of my love for him. He drove us around without a protest for hours and hours and hours, gave us a beautiful luxurious life and never missed any of our important dates. Birthdays and chistmases were an avalanches of gifts and we were completely spoiled. He was extremely involved and I know he loves me so much. I’ve stopped speaking to him a few years ago but it truly breaks my heart because I love him so much and I miss the smell of his aftershave and I know he misses me very much too.
When the MRI result came back, my dad was there. He was the one who walked up to me and said « everything is fine, there is just a *little* thing.
I’m sure this was hard for him because his mom died of cancer when he was 28, but he never mentioned it in relation to my illness.
Pretty quickly, my dad stopped me whenever I mentioned illness and made sure I amended any mention of the experience by adding a sweetened positive twist at the end like « I’m glad I learned so much » or « but I grew so much from the experience ».
Gradually and too seamlessly for me to really notice, he decided I was « cured » and would no longer tolerate any mention of illness. He’s get impatient, tell me off, and even genuinely angry when I did. He’d say « you’re cured now » and « idk why you keep talking about this, it’s in the past now, you need to move on and live life ». Important note here : he is not a doctor, just a regular dad in the world with zero medical knowledge.
I don’t know if it was his own version of « manifesting » healing for me or a symptom of his fear. I wonder if he misunderstood the neurologist saying it could take up to three years to see if the treatment was effective. Before the 3 year mark, with no tests and MRIS to back it, he’s managed to completely convince himself and the rest of the family that I was cured and only still talking about it for attention. He even invented a pseudo-psychological term he dubbed the « syndrome of the sick child » to belittle my fear and worry and terror and loneliness, which if I understand his concept correctly meant I was clinging to an expired diagnosis in order to be babied and gat my parents attention. IDK maybe this can give you insight into his personality, how convincing he could be.
And it was just a really lonely experience for me. All of the « why are you still talking about this you ‘re cured and you need to move on now », while still trying to cope with so much fear of dying at all times, without having anywhere to talk about it. I wonder if the lack of parental support I experienced thought such a traumatising experience as a teenager and then as a young adult was what contributed to transform the trauma into clinical PTSD (diagnosed).
Eventually, I got my 3-year mark MRI. The radiologist was my dad’s BIL and he called my dad and gave him the result directly instead of contacting me directly. I was a legal adult and ab. 22 by then. My dad then called me on the phone, I remember the conversation so clearly, he said I was cured and I proceeded to call my mom and grandparents and best friend to share the news.
yay now you can move on. When he got home he popped a bottle of champagne open in celebration.
This was so tough because something didn’t quite sit right with me. Because of growing up hypervigilent I’m usually good at telling when someone is lying and twisitng the truth.
He seemed off on the phone, and in person, and I couldn’t tell if it wasn’t just that I couldn’t imagine life ebbing cured.
A few days later the BIL called me and said there was a lil persisting on the MRI. I wonder if I’d been brainwashed by my dad already by the time BIL called because when I asked dad if there was anything he didn’t tell me, he said « well you can’t expect to be 100% cured with things like this », and « 99% cured is the same as 100% » and other things of the sort. It was like he’d twisted the results in favour of his opinion.
By that time, I was stuck and really confused, and everyone was already convinced I was cured. And it got really hard for me to know what to do and where to turn because I was till so young and the hospital system was so confusing.
It took two years for me to decide to get a second opinion. Someone else looked at the MRI and said there was still something left, but since I’d heard my dad assure me it meant I was cured, it took considerable effort for me to reach out to my service in the hospital again for an appointment with the specialist I’d seen back when I was 17. This alone was extremely challenging because no one took be seriously, and I had to call the secretary office on a daily basis for a couple weeks to ask what I should do to get a confirmation I was cured. I’m quite headstrong and I wanted to hear from the specialist directly that I was cured do as to have no doubts at all. Throughout this, dad tried to discourage me and then eventually accepted it might be the only way for me to move on.
The MRI happened and I sat in the neurosurgeons office at the hospital of my nightmares asking if my results were conducive with full recovery. He confirmed there was something left, and then that the aim of treatment is to be completely cured. That the malformation should not be visible on an MRI once it was cured. He added that the risk of rupture increased each year. I soon had another more intrusive san done and it confirmed there was a little left, which meant I needed to get another round of Gamma radiation.
This hit me like a ton of bricks.
The second round of treatment was just as traumatising as I’d remembered the first round to be.
I don’t know what to do with how angry I am with my dad. He lied to me and invited all of us to live in a fiction of his making, thus endangering me. Every insistence I’d been cured and needed to move on when I wasn’t, and in fact the risk of me having an aneyrism was growing with every day.
The worst is that he never apologised. He instantly switched up his story and started pretending he’d never said I was cured. He created a whole new fiction where « he’d always insisted I’d get a more thorough MRI checkup ». It’s so unfair. How he can’t embrace a world where he’s wronged me, and not because it destroyed me but because he can’t be wrong. He has to be perfect. How unfair.
I most likely wouldn’t have mede it past the age of fifty if I’d believed of indeed obeyed him.
I used to check my memories again to make sure I hadn’t made it up, and eventually I accepted I’d never get an apology. And that I was wronged and I didn’t deserve that. And that I should’ve gotten the support I needed.
I’m cured now, I sat in another doctors office a year ago and he said my MRI came back normal and the AVM was no longer on the scan. I’m really proud I was so headstrong.
And eventually I decided to take distance from my dad, and life improved when I stopped talking to him. I know it hurts him, and that he’s extremely angry. He expresses this to my siblings, and I know they get punished in my stead and I feel so guilty. But I can’t be around my dad, I’m too angry. I’m trying to live with the love I have for him in my heart, with my childhood memories and the guilt and missing him and then more guilt for being happier now that I don’t have to talk to him and listen to his tirades. And I worry for my siblings who still talk to him, because he doesn’t treat them kindly and they deserve so much love and admiration and support, which he’d never give them.
I used to want to press charges and I wonder if he shouldn’t be in prison for what he did but he’s a vicious man and he’s go to much money and friends in high places that I couldn’t take him on. And things would get ugly, I know. I just wish he could pay for what he did.
I’ll update later for typos and clarifications :)

This is more for me to work out my own feelings than needing advice although advice would be helpful. I am still debating on if I want to talk this out or let it go. So yeah, as the title says, only one person from my friend group showed up to my (28F) Birthday Dinner. I am primarily coming to Reddit because it is embarrassing and shattering my vision of myself. I fear seeking comfort from my out-of-state friends because I do not want them to think less of me. I have always been deeply aware of how lonely I feel/am. It is one of my biggest vulnerabilities, so should other people be aware of it? or imply it with none of my friends who came to my birthday dinner? I can open up about anything else, but this feels too exposing.
But yeah, my friends did not show up for my birthday dinner, and I am not sure how I feel about it. One person did, but he(M29+) is my boyfriend's(32M) friend more than mine. To be honest, this makes it even more embarrassing. Having to search The Feelings Chart, I primarily just feel abandoned, embarrassed, fragile, disrespected, etc. Watching the door and waiting for your friends to show up while conversing with your partner and their friend is difficult. Suddenly, I was 17 again, only having one singular friend going to lunch with me before having other friends and dropping me off at an empty house. I think my parents were at a sibling's game or tournament. or a party? I am not sure; I just remember being home alone for my birthday a month after a suicide attempt. Or I was back at 11, having my birthday overshadowed by my sister's first communion. Or I was back on my 20th birthday, taking myself to see Captain America: Civil War.
Most of them did not even tell me they were not coming. That is what really hurts. I know my birthday sucks for everyone, time-wise. My parents made that very apparent by pushing any family celebration to Father's Day/my dad's & uncle's birthday. Yet only one of the four got back to me two hours beforehand about being unable to make it because they were tired from preparing for their family member's wedding a week from now. However, the thing is, I had gauged the group chat about doing it this weekend a week ago. To be fair, there were acknowledgments of seeing it, but no one directly responded with a conflict. I even sent a message 24 hours before letting everyone know I made a reservation, and people, again, liked the message but did not directly say if there was an issue. That is what is primarily keeping me from having a conversation with anyone. There was obvious acknowledgment of the plans, but no one asked if they could go.
It is apparent I have a lot of baggage around my birthday. I worry I unconsciously make it a test for people and myself. I saw how much people love and value me and based my self-worth and relationships on that. Possibly hope they do not show in a sick way of confirming my deepest insecurity. The rationale part of me acknowledges that it is a lot to put on someone, and things, unfortunately, just do not work out sometimes. On the other hand, this is the third event I have planned as the host where people were busy and canceled at the last minute. Usually, I would just take that as a sign of people not wanting to be friends, but some of them were legitimately interested in it when I briefly discussed it in April. Furthermore, they keep inviting me to their events.
Fundamentally, I do not know where to go from here. Only one of them has reached out, apologizing for not communicating more and saying that they will celebrate at a better time, while the other two have been silent. I think I need more time to process it before having an actual conversation with anyone about it. I am still primarily in the hurt phase, and no communication will be about their actual behavior. For example, with the apology, I was dishonest and said no worries. I wish I did not do that; it caught me off guard, but I did not want it to sit for too long and have them think I was ignoring them out of malice. If I had been in a better headspace, I would have responded with a thank you, acknowledged reading their message, and just be honest about needing more time before talking about it. I just feel sad.
Added context: We are all in graduate school. This is their last quarter before graduating, so they are legitimately busy and finishing up their practice experience/integrative projects and applying to fellowships. Ages range from 25-30.

I met this guy last week whilst I was out with my friend in Shoreditch. We exchanged numbers and continued talking until we went out for a date. I was a lil late but we still had a good time.
The second time we went out, it was great… until he invited me to his friends birthday party. He told me it was ten minutes away until it ended up being 20 mins away in Uxbridge at 2am. (I live in south London).
I was so upset and uncomfortable but he promised me once we get there, we’ll only stay for an hour and then he’ll take me home. As we got there, I was extremely pissed off and went to charge my phone in their bedroom. He follows me in there and is begging me to drink (I decline as it was already poured out for me??). I start feeling sleepy so i relaxed a bit. Before I knew it, his tongue was down my throat, he had grabbed my chest through my jumper and was putting his hands in places they shouldn’t be. I told him I don’t want to so he got off and started aggressively drinking. I ignored this and looked for the next busses/train I could get ( it was in 2 hours time) so I had to wait until then to leave.
When I wake up, everything is normal until I realise my skirt zipper is completely ripped. But nothing else was wrong. I questioned it and he told me has tried to take it off me. I also realise my knee is really bruised. After this, I left but it did make me think what happened. I don’t have much clue other than he’s a weirdo.

"Good-bye, lover-- It's been fun... And I always did want to go in battle. You get to keep your planet, kid... Don't forget me... Don't forget me"
Bio: Val Armorr was the son of Japan's greatest crimelord, Kirau Nezumi, also known as Black Dragon, When he was born, his mother, the American secret agent Valentina Armorr, tried to hide him from his father, but she failed and was killed for her affront. Japan's biggest hero Sensei Toshiaki, the White Crane, eventually killed Black Dragon for his crimes and adopted the infant Val. He raised Val as if he were his own son, and trained him in all manner of the martial arts.
Origin in scan form ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
Alternate look at his origin ^{(Secrets of the Legion of Super-Heroes #2})
Databook entries

• Superboy #205
• All-New Collector's Edition #55
• Who's Who: The Definitive Directory of the DC Universe #12
• Who's Who in the Legion of Superheroes #3
• DC Comics Encyclopedia: Updated and Expanded
• All New DC Comics Encyclopedia

Original Val

Strength
Note: Karate Kid needs to concentrate and channel his chi to perform feats of strength ^{(Adventure Comics #359})

• In his origin, chops through a steel beam ^{(Adventure Comics #346})
• Chops through a spaceship hull ^{(Adventure Comics #347})
• Lightning Lad flashes back to Karate Kid stopping a car with a single chop ^{(Adventure Comics #351})
• Knocks out a Jovian Mastodon and a Tricorn Beast with a single strike each, and judo throws a Sloth Ape ^{(Adventure Comics #358})
• Chops through two trees in one swing ^{(Adventure Comics #358})
• Analyzes some thick gates, then chops through them ^{(Adventure Comics #360})
• Kicks away a hover car ^{(Adventure Comics #361})
• Chops through a tank, then starts a small earthquake with a stomp ^{(Adventure Comics #367})
• Destroys a practice bot in a rage ^{(Adventure Comics #373})
• Claims his chops could fell giant redwoods ^{(Superboy vol 1 #203})
• Creates an earthquake with a stomp that breaks apart a statue ^{(Legion of Superheroes vol 3 #31})
  • Note: This is a flashback to earlier times, so despite being in vol 3, takes place Chronologically in vol 1, as shown by him wearing the brown gi instead of his more famous white one
• Punches through a robot ^{(Superboy vol 1 #214})
• Kicks a meteor to pieces ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Creates a counter-vibration strong enough to reverse Major Disaster's artificial earthquake. ^{(Karate Kid #2}.)
• Flexes off six cavemen ^{(Karate Kid #11})
• [MASSIVE OUTLIER] When bound with ropes made of indestructible Inertron, he somehow manages to break free. ^{(Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #231})
  • Album of Inertron being invulnerable/unbreakable/strong enough to resist Kryptonians
• Breaks out of a machine that saps powers, minds and will (Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 004)

Speed

• Moves "with the speed of thought" ^{(Adventure Comics #361})
• Dodges Mano and Persuader's attacks ^{(Adventure Comics #378})
• Dodges Validus' mental lightning ^{(Adventure Comics #378})
• Dodges a blast from the Emerald Eye of Ekon ^{(Superboy vol 1 #198})
• Dodges a blast from *sigh* Radiation Roy ^{(Superboy vol 1 #208})
• Rushes forward and front tuck into a Rider Kick in a fraction of a second ^{(Superboy vol 1 #214})
• Dodges a bolt from Lightning Lad ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Dodges radiation blasts from Nemesis Kid ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Intercepts a falling meteor ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Backflips over a bullet ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Dodges a laser ^{(Karate Kid #13})
• Leaps over a bullet and behind a guy in less than a fifth of a second ^{(Karate Kid #15})
• Dances around Pharoxx's strikes ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})
• Redirects Pharoxx's own magic against him ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})

Durability

• Survives an explosion that KO'd and nearly killed his sensei ^{(Adventure Comics #367})
• Smacked by a giant robot and recovers being back to fighting shape on the next page ^{(Adventure Comics #373})
• Endures ever-increasing pain through meditative techniques even though the pain was so bad, it made Timber Wolf go feral within a few minutes ^{(Superboy vol 1 #209})
• Clears his mind of mental influences ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #268})
• Wades though blasts from Pharoxx ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #288})
• While sick, takes a blast from Pulsar ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Pulsar explodes right next to him and he's all good. ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Gets clawed by a monster and shrugs it off ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})
• Gets blasted by Pharoxx's magic and recovers, while Pharoxx getting hit with the same blast made him immediately flee ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})
• [Limit] Dies after being beaten nearly to death by Nemesis Kid, then missile launches himself into a planet-draining machine. ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 #4})

Skill
Statements and styles

• Great Skill in all forms of martial arts, but especially Karate and Judo ^{(Adventure Comics #346})
• Master of all forms of fighting ^{(Adventure Comics #359})
• Switches from Boxing to Savate to Kendo against a robot ^{(Adventure Comics #363})
• Knocks some guys out with chops to the back of the neck ^{(Adventure Comics #360})
• Mastered every weapon form "from fencing foils to Jovian trident spears" ^{(Adventure Comics #368})
• Temporarily puts Timber Wolf in a Judo hold ^{(Superboy vol 1 #209})
• Falkone IV arm riflie technique ^{(Karate Kid #12})
• Loback III restraining hold for non-powered people to restrain super-powered people ^{(Karate Kid #12})
• Karate, Judo, "Arcturian Sli-tilla", "Venusian Txrxvrx", and boxing ("the good old one-two punch") in one page ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #268})

Against skilled opponents (Solo)

• Beats a boxing champion ^{(Adventure Comics #377})
• Beats the absolute stuffing out of Black Mace ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 #31})
  • Black Mace is stated to be Ganglands's answer to Karate Kid ^{(Adventure Comics #374}) and a fast, strong invincible fighter ^{(Superboy #213})
• Beats Black Mask again, with an assist from Princess Projectra ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 #31})
• Quickly beats a dual nunchaku wielding black belt ^{(Karate Kid #3})
• Beats the Samurai known as Master Hand ^{(Karate Kid #4})
• Had the advantage on Black Dragon II, the student of his father he previously beat in Superboy vol 1 #210 ^{(Karate Kid #10})
• Karate Kid vs Black Dragon II in a ceremonial fight. ^{(Karate Kid #10})
• Beats Dick Grayson quickly ^{(Karate Kid #14})
• Wins a tournament and the title of Samurai, going down as the youngest to gain the title ^{(Secret Origins vol 2 #47})

Against Skilled opponents (groups)

• Defeats three Black Belts he claims could waste a battalion of ordinary men ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
• Beats six opponents trained by his father, Black Dragon, including the future Black Dragon II ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
• Beats a bunch of 20th-century martial arts masters ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Quickly beats four martial artists ^{(Karate Kid #4})

Against superpowered opponents (1v1)

• Fights Superboy and does so well, Clark says he needs to be in the Legion ^{(Adventure Comics #346})
• Training with Superboy ^{(Adventure Comics #368})
• Gets the advantage over Don Allen, descendent of Barry Allen and a speedster ^{(Adventure Comics #373})
• Defeats Ultra Boy ^{(Adventure Comics #375})
• A brainwashed Karate Kid easily beats Ultra Boy ^{(Superboy vol 1 #205})
• Survives a fight with Superboy, though he constantly mentions he's outmatched and it's taking all of his skill to just survive . ^{(Karate Kid #12})
• Temporarily holds Superboy, but admits he needs help immediately and is losing him and is saved by Mordru's magic wearing off ^{(Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #245})

Against Superpowered opponents (groups)

• Solos the Fatal Five ^{(Adventure Comics #378})
• Manages to hold his own against Lightning Lad, Superboy, Colossal Boy, Saturn Girl, Sun Boy, and Chameleon Boy before being stopped by Cosmic Boy ^{(Karate Kid #13})

Against Skilled Superpowered opponents

• Fights four superpowered assassins and is holding his own ^{(Adventure Comics #361})
• Beats Pharoxx of Orando in a sword fight, forcing Pharoxx to resort to magic ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #286})
• Beats Timber Wolf in a spar ^{(Legion of Superheroes vol 4 #52})

Accuracy

• Splits a rock so each half flies off and KOs a foe ^{(Adventure Comics 361})
• Hits a knight with a stone and KO's him ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #288})
• Uses his sash as a lasso to disarm Pulsar of his power staff ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})

Agility

• Rushes forward and front tuck into a Rider Kick in a fraction of a second ^{(Superboy vol 1 #214})
• Contorts himself in mid-air to stop himself from falling out of a building then Jumps back in ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Jumps from the street to a sign to a third story roof ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Does a series of flips to land safely after jumping out of a building while holding someone ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Jumps out of a window, does a ton of flips, and starts running on cars ^{(Karate Kid #3})
• Flips on a pole ^{(Karate Kid #11})
• Flips over a car ^{(Karate Kid #11})
• Flips out of Batman's grasp ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Rolls back to get out of a monster's range, then launches himself into a flying kick ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #309})

Weak Point Sensing

• Finds the weak point in a diamond ^{(Adventure Comics# 365})
• Finds the weak point in a wall ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
• Finds Omega's weakest point, but is too weak to capitalize on it ^{(Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #251}). This is the first time it's called an explicit "power" and not a skill.
• Finds the weak point in a hatch ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #277})
• Originally struggled to find a weak point in massive chains encircling Earth, but after getting a hint from Princess Projectra manages to sense and destroy it ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #279})

Retroboot Val

Despite dying.....Val Armorr's back and in the past! ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #7}) How? Never explained! ^{(Justice League of America #10}) Here's his feats. Note: All feats are done while he's dying (Countdown Weeks 14-15/ 38-37) from what's later revealed to be the Morticoccus Virus

• While disguised as a supervillain, freezes Parasite without Black Lightning realizing Parasite was the target ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #2})
• KO's Black Lightning with a chop to the neck and stalemates (and arguably has the advantage over) Batman while sick and memoryless ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #8})
  • Another view of the fight ^{(Countdown Week 2/#50})
  • Doctor Mid-Nite says Karate Kid very nearly took down Batman in that fight ^{(Countdown Week 7/#45})
  • Batman conceeds Val outfought him but claims he wouldn't in a rematch though he may have been being a jerk to get into Val's head ^{(Countdown Week 10/#42})
• Is still conscious and talking despite being loaded up with enough tranquilizers to give Wonder Woman trouble ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #8})
• Somehow survives Speed Force Lightning that should have insta-killed him ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #10})
• Finds the weak point in a vault he's sealed in ^{(Countdown Week 13/#39})
• Tears through Oracle's tendrils and punches through a wall ^{(Countdown Week 13/#39})
• Hurts Equus, an enhanced being who bragged he had fought Superman ^{(Countdown Week 16/#36})
• Kicked Equus arm clean off his body ^{(Countdown Week 17/#35})
• Breaks shotguns and kicks a police car over ^{(Supergirl vol 5 #21})
• [Limit] While he can dodge her attacks, can't move Supergirl with his strikes ^{(Supergirl vol 5 #21})
• Chops Equus arm off ^{(Supergirl vol 5 #22})
• [Limit] The closer to death he gets, the less he's able to focus and use Super-Karate feats ^{(Countdown week 32/#20})
• Takes out four Apokoliptians ^{(Countdown Week 41/#11})
• Takes a hit from an OMAC and shows some agility ^{(Countdown Week 42/#10})
• Dies of the virus ^{(Countdown Week 45/#7})
• Time Trapper puts his and Una's bodies in the mainline Earth when they had died in Earth-51 ^{(Action Comics #864})

Misc

• As a Legionnaire, he has a Legion flight ring ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Invited his 20th-century friend to his wedding, not realizing she was in love with him ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Man married a princess. Respect. ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 2 annual 2})
• Brave enough to try to hit Darkseid with a flying kick, though all it accomplishes is knocking himself out. ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #294})
• It's implied he somehow came back/will come back to life again, but this wasn't elaborated on because of the Flashpoint thanks Barry ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 6 #6})
  • Time Trapper also foreshadowed this ^{(Action Comics 864})

For two weeks now I’ve been planning what I want to do for my 24th birthday as I’ve never really celebrated my birthday in the past. I decided on a bbq during the day and a sleepoveladies night in at my place (718sqft apartment). I’ve invited some of my favorite people to come celebrate my birthday with me though everyone will not be staying the night…only myself and 7 of the 16 people I invited are staying the night. One of the people I invited asked if it would be okay if SHE invited her bff (I’ve met her once) and someone who we both know from work. Me not knowing how to say no I said yea sure.
But now I’m thinking about not inviting the two add on people. Reason why is because the best friend of the person I invited said that she will not be able to stay the night…which is fine…but then she says “I’m just gonna come and get drunk and swim”…which made me feel a little bit off because it’s like…is that all you’re coming for???? And then the other person…she’s cool we talk at work but not really. The reason I’m thinking about uninviting her is because of some pajamas. Silly…I know. I want us all having matching pajamas. I found some nice pajamas on Amazon for $16. Everyone immediately got theirs no problem I even bought some for my best friend because she didn’t have the money yet. But this one girl she’s saying that she already has pink pajamas. I’m pretty sure they aren’t the same shade of pink or the same style. If anybody’s gonna be in a different style or shade it’s gonna be me.
Am I wrong for wanting to un invite them or is it no big deal and I’m just being silly???

So let me go on a story.
I'm a gay 29M.
I lost my parents, and received inheritance around two months before my birthday last year. It was put toward purchasing a lovely home with several rooms and accommodations. It's very lovely.
However; when this happened, I lost my job which would've provided a far better income, benefits, and far easier work due to circumstances that transpired. I was set back for a while, and ultimately became financially unstable. I always make it work out ultimately now, re-employed and taking odd jobs, so I've become reliable on that front.
I invited a coworker of mine who wanted to avoid her abusive living situation with her mother, who threatened to kick her out. This coworker friend (20F) [Let's call her J] tends to have anger-issues that elicit her to lash out at people rather immensely. She has made tremendous progress in this respect I feel in some of the time I know her, but habits continue. It's not physical or anything, it's just emotional/anxiety riddled stuff, and so forth. For the most part, having lost the job, the majority of the duress between us arrives from housing situations and ultimately the issues aren't massive. Either out of respect, out of understanding, or out of better compatibility, things improved. Likewise she has a cat, and while it can be a little annoying, it's adorable so I forgive it. Likewise she's a big animal lover.
Near Christmas, another former Coworker of mine (24F) [She can be H.]had a falling out with her boyfriend. So at the behest of my new roommate's request, she was given a room. It was a trial to sort of get her back on her feet. I offered a month without rent to allow her to save money. Then a 3-month period discounted Rent, to help her furnish herself. Likewise due to a smaller room; she had less money owed. This has continued for five or so months in totality. This Coworker I don't have much synergy with, and she seems primarily self-contained. I don't opt to interact with her, and she doesn't with me. Likewise; she's far more extroverted than I or my roommate, so often goes out drinking, hanging out with boys, etc.
Recap.
J is 20. H is 24.
And for the majority of the time together; the two have been fast friends and likewise seemed to improve more as they've hung out here. Until the second roommate wanted a cat, which initially both were overjoyed by. She got a kitten, pretty spontaneously. And ignoring advice, she let it interact with my roommate's cat. We were initially planning on keeping them apart for both their safety, especially because the kitten hadn't been vet-processed and J's cat has a slightly weak immune system. This was in breach of trust given, and upset J quite a bit.
H had made plans to hangout with a friend that night, and essentially left the cat in a carrier in her room, and told J she'd likely be back by 1 AM that night, and if she could watch the cat. J had work at 7 AM, but agreed.
H got drunk and never came home that night. Meanwhile, the kitten she adopted was mewling all night across J's room and upsetting her essentially. The 4-week old kitten was comforted and likewise, and could fit into your cupped hands. It got stuck under a door once even, escaping it's carrier. It could've been bad or worse. I'm mildly upset at it.
But likewise; I own a pet I keep in my room too, who rarely scratches at the door sometimes. I can understand a cat left to their own devices can be fine, they can be solitary creatures seemingly. But given how young the kitten was and how it needed constant attention, it felt very rough for J to both look after H's kitten after everything, and for H to disappear after saying she'd return. Likewise J didn't want the cat to be harmed. She'd leave it be for intermittent periods but would check in on it every half-hour to hour.
So on this side of the topic; I feel J is beyond validated.
But it evolved.
J elected to lash out at H over this. Sending 20+ text messages in the same day; threatening to get the cat into a Vet, or Humane Shelter due to what had happened and the seeming neglect, so on and forth. Hollow threats she claims to provoke H into caring more, but ultimately still made and essentially this was on the first day of owning the kitten. I don't feel H was given an opportunity or time to process or adjust from her day's decision, and was bombarded immensely with hateful messages that tore her down.
Ultimately, this led to H giving her cat away, but she refuses to apologize, and their friendship essentially broke. H's ability to take accountability is tremendously limited and often leans toward victimization at times, but I empathized with her because J can be absolutely vitriolic, toxic, and poisonous when her anger oversteps her rationality.
Ultimately H feels like moving out in some regards due to it. But the talk about J's feelings toward H; the disdain, annoyance, and likewise low-opinion J holds due to this, has caused H to recluse some toward J further. And ultimately time has passed, between shouting at one another, to text messages, to H seeking refuge in friends and drink, to J having a operation around this time and spending time recuperating from it. Which opened a bridge of concern from H, that I hoped would maybe lead them to talking it out. Because the two can be good at it.
But ultimately when J relented enough to offer the Olive Branch, H rejected it. Which is her right. Civility after the initial moments had been somewhat restored, life moved on, they weren't friends but they could mostly live with one another.
Which led J spiraling into an angry tirade that was primarily meant to tear down H again, and did so by praying on trauma H had. Because J wanted to ensure all bridges were burnt down.
I'm stuck in the middle on this and it's aggravating me.
H refuses to even so much as budge in admitting fault, but I honestly don't think leaving your kitten alone at home is necessarily a bad idea on paper; since many animals are often left alone and while not the greatest situation can still be fine. She already has to work an 8-hour+ job some days, and would be relying on us in the interim for feline-care, until the cat was grown, had her shots, and was allowed to roam the house and have some more freedom. And likewise she had made plans, and got carried away. I can honestly chalk up her decisions to inexperience and bad decision-making and feel in some respects she deserves some grace. Likewise J's treatment of her, personal attacks, threats to get the Cat put into a Vet after one day, and likewise were it me in her shoes it would make me reconsider ownership of the cat as well, and likewise would make me very unreceptive toward any sort of relationship with J.
But as I said; H throughout all of this didn't apologize, and took solely to defending her decisions, justifying her rationale in them, and ultimately even on the things she did wrong that led to the situation developing, doesn't relent.
J meanwhile, I can see the frustration on. She is earnestly trying to get H to be accountable. She helped tremendously toward even getting the cat, and offered a lot of help throughout the process. She had her own cat endangered recklessly despite several warnings (in a very avoidable way that you'd deliberately have to do otherwise), and likewise was sent to work without sleep caretaking for a kitten that she had only volunteered for a few hours for. Much the same, the kitten was essentially in distress and abandoned in the first day, which raised a few questions about the responsibility and future events arising alike to that.
But; I feel that while J deserves to be told that in several respects she was right, that her grievances toward H erupted in such a manner that it was absolutely disrespectful, and painful, and likewise manipulative in the worst of ways.
I've no idea what to do in this case, because I'd like both Renters to sort of hash it out, and be done with it, but obviously not happening per se. But I'm also conflicted on the topic. I don't know if the kitten left alone is a massive deal and red flag for future neglect on the first day, or if it was acceptable to take time away from the kitten given how it would be left alone anyway when she worked. Likewise; I'm not sure if J's justified in respects for how used it made her feel and not receiving a single apology, or if H at this point is suffering more than enough from how J's reacting.
I'm very stuck in the middle here, and I'm worried about losing one. Should I accept the potential loss?
TL;DR: 20F lashes out toxically at 24F for abandoning kitten she had just adopted for twelve+ hours and making her babysit on a work-night beyond agreed upon times and also endangering her own cat in the same day. 24F refuses to apologize, but 20F's negative response has been borderline overwhelming and personal.
29M landlord is unsure what to do, feel, think, or prepare for.

Throwaway account for reasons.
I'm leaving out a lot of details because I think they could put it together if I have too many.
We were in college at the same time. We met through a mutual friend. Their birthday happened during a very popular event in our area and invited all our mutuals.
We'd had sex at least once before. I had feelings for them, but I was dealing with some intense self-esteem issues from a prior relationship.
That night the festivities ended and our friends all started winding down. I was invited to sleep in their bed.
From here things get a little muddy because it's been so long and there were some intoxicants involved.
We laid in their bed and they moved to lay against my back. They started to touch me and I gently told them that I wasn't interested in having sex that night. Despite that there was some pleading from them and some more touching involved. At some point I physically moved to stop them from touching me.
We did end up having sex, but it wasn't what I wanted and left me feeling confused.
I told one of the other friends that had attended and I believe that they questioned the person.
It has been years since and I had mentally come to terms with what had happened.
Recently after many years of infrequent contact, we reconnected. I have never fallen for someone as I have with them.
We have had so many conversations, but during one of our many talks they brought up consent and I didn't have the heart to tell them that I had conflicting thoughts about our past. Even later we talked about the event and I still could not bear to tell them how I felt and what I was thinking. I haven't lied to them about anything other than this.
I need someone to hear my story and I will likely go to my grave never telling them.
It is hard for me to think of it as sexual assault. I wanted them, but not how it happened.
Thank you to anyone who reads this.

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Overreaction or justified?
I've been seeing this girl for 4 months, about twice a week, with a few weekend trips away.
She’s never invited me to hang out with her friends, even though I’ve invited her and she has met mine multiple times.
Recently, she had a last-minute birthday party planned a few days out and didn’t invite me, claiming it was "implied." She said only 3-4 were going, but it turned out to be more like 10-15. She also changed our plans which became very much secondary priorities.
She went MIA from 2PM the day of the party until midday the next day. Her half-hearted message the next day claimed she thought I was coming.
I'm pissed because she didn’t invite me, pretended she did, and then I don’t hear from her. It was obvious she didn’t want me there despite her claiming different. The great irony is that she was lecturing me only a few days ago about deciding to come mine or not saying, “telling me I can come is not the same as saying you want me to come” lol
I’m actually ok with not being invited if she said for whatever reason, it more really annoyed me it just went unsaid until I said wtf.
I've decided to just stop talking to her and pursue others. Am I overreacting?
TL;DR: Girl I’m dating for 4 months never invites me to her events, including her birthday recently. Decided to end things. Overreacting?

Hi I have a boyfriend whos mom doesnt like me. I havent seen his mom in person yet but we had talked once on the phone. I thought everything was fine cause in the relationship its always 50/50 in everything. We take this fair. I got my own job, business and studies at the same time while my boyfriend had already pursued his career. I never asked for money or anything. When we go on dates I made sure that I will have my part of share. Now, his mom doesnt like the idea of me and him going on a date and idk why. Everytime there is an incidents she would sort of blame me that it happened. On my part, I really would get hurt cause I did not even do anything to upset her. I understand that she doesnt like me but what I dont understand is her reason of getting upset to me. There was this one timee that my boyfriends wallet was been snatch on his bag while we are walking and I heard his mom on the call blaming me for it. She even said that is it fine and she would understand if I was not there but I was there thats why shes angry. I told my boyfriend that its gaves an impact on my being that his mom is acting like that to me. He as a guy close to his momy and is confused since he doesnt want to choose. I was not referring on to whom he choose but I hope he would make his mom understand that I am not the type of woman she might be thinking of. In my side of family we really had this culture of family gathering. That even the boyfriends and girlfriends are always there invited. This last occasion I have was giving me mental breakdown cause it was a very big deal on his mom. That even on a family gathering that is not tagged as my birthday or graduation or any other occasion, he was there. His mom was upset that he went there and asked if it is my way of making sure that I can just see him if I want. Idk it is confusing me. Am I the bad guy here.

3E: Can't say even happy birthday sometimes, it doesn't feel geniune and i be afraid to that's fakeness going to be understood by my voice tone, or the idea they think our perspective about that relationship is not in that way. Sometimes i feel like i had to, it's something nice but then thought what is the point, just gonna get a fake smile... i get so nervous.
3V: When somebody giving me order-like something i freeze, "do i really want to do that" "I'm being affected right now", want to hide in a closet like a 5 years old. Or sometimes want to cry when somebody is invited to me and then after i got bored and i can't show the enough courage to go away.
3F: Took lots of selfies to be sure of my face attractiveness. When go out don't want even make my hair because i don't want people thought me as someone want attention and someone who thinks he is so gorgeous.
3L: When i try to talk despite the fear, sometimes all of my thoughts attack to my point and i cut down my talk in middle, i be like "i could have represent it better" "that was seem better in my head." "that is already so obvious, why i'm even saying that?".

Might take this down very soon
Text exchanges:
Her: Thank you so much for the cookies!!! Also thank you for the invitation! Friend and I was just talking about going to watch the movie the Fall Guy. We can all go together!
Me: haha... your welcome. Nvm about the movie anymore. u guys can go watch it
Her: Thank you again for the cookies! Have fun in *****!!!!
Me: I wanted to go just with you, but if u dont feel safe/comfortable then i guess we can plan one with others after summer.
Me: thank you and hope u enjoy ur summer vacation too, see u 3months later
Her: See u !
End of conversation
Context: It was her birthday and I baked her cookies and put in a note along with them, asking her out for a movie.
I want to assume shes not interested. Since she tried to invite her friend along and also dodged the question.
Im an average looking skinny guy shes 25F im 22M we are friends but i wouldnt say we are really close. Please try to be kind lol but im open to criticism if i did something wrong

Two years ago my best friend invited me to his university graduation in july, and even asked me to be in his photos beside his family (we had been friends for seven years at that point). I was very honored, but he invited his boyfriend too.
Now, I had never met his boyfriend before, but I knew my friend loved him to pieces so I tried my best to get along with him (I'm not very socially skilled). We got along great, but I think I tried too hard because after my friend graduation he started being very cold with me.
I think it's important to say I moved away for university after high school (We live 3 hours away) and the only form of communication we shared was through texts, and I'm a bad texter but I have always tried my best for him.
After his graduation he started being cold with me. His answers to my texts were short and icy for months until he stopped answering me. I think maybe I talked to his boyfriend too much, or I didn't pay him the right amount of attention in his graduation, but I'm not sure because when I asked him what was wrong, that he could tell me what did I do he insisted that everything was fine. That nothing was wrong.
That year (2022) he started ghosting me in september and then started texting me pictures and videos about cutting bad people from his life and resenting others in the first days of february of 2023. Which were very obviously things he thought about me. To this day I don't know what I was supposed to answer to those texts (I only sent back sad faces).
And then that month in valentine's day he suddendly started acting normal again. And he even asked me why I hadn't send him a Happy Christmas and New Year text in december (which I had been doing since we were sixteen). Honestly, I cried of anger that day because I had actually grieved our friendship already.
I went to visit him somewhere that year for his birthday in May, to test how he acted in person. We went out to eat but it was a very tense hang out. After that, thinking about fixing our friendship and about what should I say and what not (to not upset him) made me so anxious that I ghosted him after May until October(not my best move)
He started sending me again passive agressive images about bad friends but started talking to me again anyway. In December I went to visit him and the two of us went to his town fair. It was less tense, but our relationship still felt very stilted.
After that we texted until early february, and then he ghosted me almost two months until the end of march to wish me happy birthday. Which I answered with ghosting him until this month to wish him happy birthday too.
I feel very guilty about ghosting him but my mental health has been a mess this year, and thinking about texting him has only made me anxious since his graduation. I don't know what to do anymore, or how to talk to him. I don't even know if we are still friends.

Might take this down very soon
Text exchanges:
Her: Thank you so much for the cookies!!! Also thank you for the invitation! Friend and I was just talking about going to watch the movie the Fall Guy. We can all go together!
Me: haha... your welcome. Nvm about the movie anymore. u guys can go watch it
Her: Thank you again for the cookies! Have fun in *****!!!!
Me: I wanted to go just with you, but if u dont feel safe/comfortable then i guess we can plan one with others after summer.
Me: thank you and hope u enjoy ur summer vacation too, see u 3months later
Her: See u !
End of conversation
Context: It was her birthday and I baked her cookies and put in a note along with them, asking her out for a movie.
I want to assume shes not interested. Since she tried to invite her friend along and also dodged the question.
Im an average looking skinny guy shes 25F im 22M we are friends but i wouldnt say we are really close. Please try to be kind lol but im open to criticism if i did something wrong

This is mostly a rant about the grief I feel about losing a couple of my friends. In general I’m a fierce friend, very loyal and very supportive to the circle of people I call my own. It just so happened that over the past year I realized how I was putting in way more effort into a couple of friendships than I was getting happiness out of it, but I was doing it because I wanted to be a good friend. Over time I started putting myself first and enforcing boundaries about what I can and cannot do and that has eventually resulted in me losing touch with those friends. Which confirms my initial instinct that they were my friends because of all the effort I was putting in!
Friend A (30F), B (28F) and C(27F) have all been good friends of mine for years, one of them since school and one since college. I have gone above and beyond for them whenever they needed me, or they were in trouble. A went through a breakup and I’ve helped her through it, listening to her rants and breakdowns for almost a year. B was depressed for a while so I flew down to stay with her for a bit, cleaned her apartment, got her groceries, took her out to cheer her up. C was struggling a lot in her personal life, she would call me any time of the day/night crying when she was drunk or high and vent to me about how lonely she felt in a new city. so I surprised her with a visit too. I believe I have always been there for them and I’ve been a good friend. I send all of the gifts or a cake for their birthdays, I love making other people feel special on their birthdays.
Recently I had a personal tragedy, and none of them showed up for me. None of them even called me, they only replied to my texts saying no when I asked. C also gossiped about me, which spread, leading to my mom finding out about things she didn’t need to know. It felt like she broke my trust when I confided in her. B never reaches out on her own anyway, she only responds. A and C will only call me when they’re in need of help and crying.
It felt like a slap in the face honestly and now I can’t look at any of them the same way. I stopped initiating anything and none of them reached out. A was calling me while I was dealing with my personal tragedy asking for help with her issues. So I started enforcing boundaries and saying no when I didn’t have the mental space to deal with them. I had a conversation about this with A and how I felt and basically she said she didn’t feel welcome enough because if I wanted her to be there for me I would have arranged for her stay but I didn’t. This felt like a further reason for me to put myself first because clearly even when I was in need, A expected me to think of her first. B just didn’t reach out at all and when I asked she said she didn’t have enough PTOs. C texted me because she was mad that she heard it from someone else first and said she would have come if I had called her and told her personally. At this point I got really mad because I was dealing with my own issues and she was expecting me to put her first, so I told her what I expected from her and the rest was up to her, but she’s not going to get some personalized invite before everyone else because this is not about her and to not make it about her. She also got mad and said a lot of things, ultimately saying she wouldn’t come even if she could. In the end my mom called her separately, without me knowing, and asked her to come to be with me so she came. But she didn’t speak to me the entire time. I tried to talk to her and she only talked about herself and what she was doing but she didn’t ask me anything about myself and she said she was only there because my mom asked her.
All of this really opened my eyes about which of my friends genuinely care about me and are there for me, and I have actively started thinking of myself first and drawing boundaries with these friends.
But it also makes me think if I’m being selfish? Like was I good friends with them because I expected something in return, for them to be there for me? And because they weren’t now I’m not able to move past it and see them as friends. I just feel hurt and I’m not sure how to get over this. I don’t think I will ever go back to how I was with them, because I don’t feel that kinda love for them anymore. So does that mean my love for them was fickle? Am I a terrible person? Because I’m sure in their eyes I seem like someone who has just reduced contact with them because ONCE they weren’t there for me. And now I’ve basically lost them as friends. Why can I not get over this?
TL;DR: Enforced boundaries with friends who were taking me for granted and now I feel guilty

I apologize that this is very long but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
My first long-term partner (K) and I were together for about 3.5 years. K was the first person I had ever gone on a Tinder date with. She was so stunning, my first word to her was an awe struck “wow.” Both of us said we weren’t looking for anything serious but we were immediately inseparable.
She was married (though they weren’t intimate) when we first started dating, so we kinda began as a poly relationship. Her husband was dating other people as well and we would go on double dates occasionally. I was happy with the arrangement, but the underlying issues in their relationship resulted in their divorce.
We decided to be monogamous for about 2 years. She was the first partner I had moved in with. Our apartment was shitty; the first one we were put in within this community literally had a pipe burst and flood the week we moved in, but we made it ours. We had arguments occasionally but we always talked things out and never went to bed angry. We adopted an elderly dog and a hydroponic garden in our kitchen table. We challenged each other to grow, supported each other, and were study partners while we worked towards our degrees. We were happy.
We decided to explore polyamory again because we felt like we had a solid foundation but had always preferred enm. We agreed to a non-hierarchical ktp dynamic and were entirely on the same page. She went on a few dates before I got a match (amab problems 😂) but I was consistent in my compursion; I was genuinely happy that she was going out and having fun.
Then she started dating him (S). S was an alcoholic living in an absolute shit hole, but we took him in like a stray cat. A few of the 🚩’s we ignored were that he unironically liked Joe Rogan, had extreme trauma and refused therapy, and he (claimed to have) killed people as a mercenary overseas. He lived in PA and was planning on taking a greyhound back to pick up a car. I suggested we drive him down instead. The trip went great and shortly after we got back, we invited him to move in. They had only been dating for 3 weeks and I expressed concerns about NRE, but K convinced me she would somehow not experience it.
At first, things were surprisingly good. There was a little bit of getting used to. They often had difficulty communicating with each other so I predominantly settled into a mediator role, but we were able to work through things together.
K finished her degree but couldn’t find work where we lived, so we began looking in PA. The plan was for K and S to work while I finished the last year of my degree and did the majority of the domestic labor. Once we got there, there arguments began spiraling out of control.
For the first 2 months, they argued almost every single day. S would become irrationally angry and then suddenly dismiss the topic. At the same time, K put all of her energy into her relationship with S. I told her repeatedly that I was feeling neglected and that I couldn’t keep acting as their mediator while getting no support myself. I was spent.
Then K got fired. I put my education on hold to work until she was able to find something else, and S took a job where he’d be traveling out of town for weeks at a time. I had hoped this might allow her the space to refocus on our relationship some. Every time he left, K would message S in the middle of every conversation we had, including when we went on the rare occasion we went on dates together.
Sex isn’t everything; what I craved was intimacy, but to try and keep things somewhat equal, K asked us to keep track of how long it had been since we had sex. We only had sex 5 times in all of 2023, while they had sex 5 times the first week we moved to PA. It was hard not to compare relationships when we weren’t even intimate on our 3rd anniversary.
S was completely self absorbed. Once he came home from work and I asked how he was doing. He talks all about his day, walks off to the bedroom and asks K about her day like he didn’t care about me at all. I decided to see how long it would take for him to initiate a conversation with me, and we basically just stopped talking entirely.
His alcoholism was also getting worse. He began drinking while arguing with K and got so drunk he could barely stand. My father was an abusive alcoholic and I was getting worried that things were going to become physically violent, and I know I wouldn’t just sit by if he became violent with K. One or both of us would have died. When he screamed at K on the balcony from 9:30-11:00pm because I ate some leftovers he wanted to eat (not even all of it), I knew something needed to change.
I had made it clear by this point that I wanted S to move out while he gets into therapy, but K refused to ever broach the topic with him together or alone. I suggested couples therapy since my therapist was familiar with enm, but they both refused. The only other option that I saw was for me to move back in with my family to protect myself. K and I agreed to try a long distance relationship while things settled down. All I asked of K was a single 30 minute phone call each week.
I left at the end of Nov, and for the first couple months things were going as well as could be expected. I enrolled in school, began working out, and had a good therapist. I gave K nearly my entire final paycheck to help cover rent while they found a roommate and they agreed to take me off the lease once they found one. In therapy, I came to realize I was still harboring some anger because the way our relationship dynamic changed once we moved was basically cheating. I eventually told her that we couldn’t have a real relationship while they were still together. She didn’t really seem phased by it; she sent me a sweet gift for my birthday in Jan, we talked about how much we missed our life together every time they fought. We even planned for her to come visit when she got her tax return, partly to bring the last of my belongings and partly to visit and feel normal again.
In Feb, K confided in me the verbal abuse had escalated, that S was threatening to kick her out unless she began working despite dealing with serious medical issues (not to mention we were all 3 on the lease together months after they found a roommate). I didn’t have enough money to keep going to therapy and the phone calls became less frequent. I was becoming extremely worried for K, constantly checking the shared location data to make sure she was still alive. I would spend days crying at a time, unable to get out of bed. I fell behind in school and even confided to K I was beginning to feel suicidal.
In mid-March, K affirms that we can’t have a real relationship, that she is going to try to make things work and was in couples therapy with S. K cancels her plan to visit without explanation, trying to gaslight me that we had discussed it but refusing to elaborate. I contacted K’s cousin because I was worried that S was manipulating her but I also wanted to respect her autonomy.
The lease was set to renew in April and I still hadn’t been taken off the lease (despite having a roommate move-in back in Jan) so I told them I wouldn’t pay my portion of the phone bill until they took me off as we had agreed. It felt callous, but it seemed like the only way to make sure I was off the lease. Of course, once I made it a problem for them they finally acted, but I hate that I had to strong arm them. Regardless, I upheld my end of the promise as soon as I got the change in writing from the office.
I was sick of seeing their faces in family sharing every time I opened my settings so I told them I was planning on getting my own phone plan. I tried to transfer my number, but the account was in S’s name. I told a csr that I wasn’t comfortable speaking with S. They told me they would attempt to contact him and get him to authorize the transfer for me, but he refused to answer their calls and messages.
For the last 6 months, they had continued using my dashpass so it notified me every time they ordered food in, and I would breakdown missing the life K and I had built together. I told K I wasn’t comfortable with them using my account anymore. K immediately pushed my boundary, telling me she’s just not feeling good that day and politely asked if she could use it. I relent, but the next day, I changed the password to reinforce my boundary.
The next day I get multiple failed login attempts, clearly from them trying to use my dashpass without asking. K asks if I changed the password, which I affirmed. Then S shut off my phone line without notice. I was forced to get a new number which messed with many of my digital accounts because of 2FA.
We’ve barely talked since then but today she changed her pfp to a picture of them smiling together with a bottle in front of S and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I deleted every picture of us together. I unfriended her, her friends, and her family. I deleted the messages, I threw out the stupid fucking “hold this until you can hold me” pillowcase, and everything else that makes me think of our life together.
They still have my late grandfather’s speakers and records, all of my power tools, and a couple paintings I’d had for a long time. As hard as it is to accept that I may never see any of those again, I’d rather have my peace.
Maybe I’ll find that peace one day, but honestly all I feel is hate. I hate that K wouldn’t choose me over S, that she gave up on our life together. I hate S for stealing my life from me. I hate the thought of them laying together in our bed. But most of all I hate myself. I hate that I was too cowardly to confront S, that I was too timid about affirming my boundaries, that I had so much hubris as to think K and I could withstand anything together. I hate that I still love K as much as ever.
There’s a good chance K sees this, and all I want to say to you is that I deserve someone who treats me like a priority. I deserve someone who doesn’t tell me I’m hard to love. I deserve better, and so do you.