How to make heart shaped bracelets out of string

The last 2 years of my (m 22) life have changed me a lot. I went through a break up that ended in an abortion, I went back to an ex who ultimately broke my heart a second time, I lost a great job due to budget cuts and it took 5 months to find a new one that suited me (love my current job), my grandfather died, I moved into my own place, I began taking online classes, lost a lot of weight after being obese, became an alcoholic then quit drinking (2 months sober rn), quit smoking, and I recognize how much progress I’ve made and all the good things in my life, but lately, I just feel angry all the time.
I grew up poor and overweight, got bullied a lot as a kid, had to learn to take care of myself pretty young, a lot of emotional abuse growing up, and I had this constant feeling of not being enough. This resulted in a lot of insecurity as I grew into my teen years and now as an adult. But I did decide to make changes for the better because I didn’t want to be that person anymore. Losing weight, taking classes, finding a good job, researching politics to be up to date on the current state of things, etc; all things I decided I had to do in order to separate myself from the me that I was, and to be better. But I didn’t realize that it wasn’t just about being a better me, but rather wanting to be better than everyone else.
I don’t live in a wealthy area at all. My place is definitely on the nicer side but it’s mostly section 8 and a lot of homelessness. When I go to the store, I look around and I’m disgusted. I look at the overweight individuals and think “dear god, go to the gym”, I see the homeless and think “get a job, you stupid bum.” Or I see the junkies and think “why do this to yourself? Just stop this nonsense.”. I think this way and then have to ultimately remind myself that it’s not a choice for most of them, and that not everybody can simply change their habits and lifestyle on a whim. But even when I remind myself that life can be cruel and many of these people simply don’t have the resources or knowledge to fix their problems, I still feel so disgusted by them. I feel so disgusted by the idea that I was only a few years away from being one of them. Seeing those people, those strangers who are so similar to family members of my own; it drives me crazy.
I create conflict for the sake of being correct, and I can never seem to admit when I’m wrong until it’s too late. I hate letting emotions overcome my logic (I have autism) and will blatantly ignore someone’s feelings in order to be correct. “The facts don’t care about your feelings” is a phrase that pretty accurately describes my way of discussing important issues. Recently even possibly permanently damaging a friendship because I just had to be right about the Israel and Palestine situation, instead of acknowledging that her perspective was simply her own, and I haven’t even apologized yet because I feel like apologizing means admitting to being wrong (see what I’m saying?!).
I’m so determined to be better than everyone that I become the kind of person that nobody wants around. I can’t just let people be and move along. I have to have an opinion, and I have to be smarter, in better shape, better dressed, etc. I’ve become this pretentious person who looks down on everyone when I’m nothing special myself. I feel like I’m shooting myself in the foot by trying to be more than what I’ve always been surrounded by.

import machine #pico device from machine import Pin #need to specify the switch is a pull-up resistor import network #for wifi from time import sleep #notify less fast than we can run an infinite loop import json #for pushbullet notification import urequests #for pushbullet notification import gc #garbage collection to prevent overloading PIO memory, which will cause "OSError: [Errno 12] ENOMEM" ''' SETUP: Use pin labels on the back of the device (ex. GP0). This way GP# matches the 0-indexing pin numbers for coding purposes. - Attach float to pins labeled GP0 and GND. - Attach LED for refill needed to pins labeled GP5 and GND. - Attach LED for wifi connection pending to pins labeled GP9 and GND. - Input wifi SSID and password below. - Input pushbullet key below. - Set debugging to false (if not debugging). ''' #Wifi ssid = "ssid" password = "password" #Pushbullet pushbullet_key = "key" url = "https://api.pushbullet.com/v2/pushes" headers = {"Access-Token": pushbullet_key, "Content-Type": "application/json"} data = {"type":"note","body":"Luna's water needs to be refilled.","title":"Luna's Water Bowl App"} dataJSON = json.dumps(data) #watchdog watchdog_url = "google script url" #Debugging options debugging = False sleep_time = 21600 #6 hours if debugging == True: sleep_time = 5 #Inputs and outputs led_onboard = machine.Pin("LED", machine.Pin.OUT) led_refill = machine.Pin(5, machine.Pin.OUT) led_wifi = machine.Pin(9, machine.Pin.OUT) float_status = machine.Pin(0, machine.Pin.IN, pull=Pin.PULL_UP) #Function to connect to wifi def connect(wlan): wlan.active(True) wlan.connect(ssid, password) tries = 0; while wlan.isconnected() == False: tries += 1 for x in range (11): if led_wifi.value(): led_wifi.value(0) else: led_wifi.value(1) sleep(1) if debugging: print("Waiting for connection...") if (tries % 10) == 0: wlan.active(False) wlan.disconnect() sleep(10) wlan.active(True) wlan.connect(ssid, password) #Give some feedback to an external user that we're up and running led_wifi.value(1) led_refill.value(1) if debugging: led_onboard.value(1) sleep(1) led_wifi.value(0) led_refill.value(0) if debugging: led_onboard.value(0) #Start by connecting to wifi sleep(10) #give a bit for system to get going wlan = network.WLAN(network.STA_IF) connect(wlan) led_wifi.value(0) for x in range(3): #give some feedback that we've connected led_wifi.value(1) sleep(0.2) led_wifi.value(0) sleep(0.2) if debugging: print("Connected!") time_until_next_notification = 0 #Run forever while True: # Check connection and reconnect if necessary if wlan.isconnected() == False: if debugging: print("Disconnected. Reconnecting...") connect(wlan) #Check float status and take appropriate action if debugging: print(float_status.value()) print(float_status.value() == 0) if float_status.value() != 0: #float up, no refill needed time_until_next_notification = 0 #reset notification time led_refill.value(0) #turn light off if it's on if debugging: led_onboard.value(0) urequests.get(watchdog_url) #check in with watchdog sleep(sleep_time) #Check every 6 hours else: #float down, needs refill if debugging: led_onboard.value(1) #push to pushbullet if time_until_next_notification <= 0: urequests.get(watchdog_url) #check in with watchdog if not debugging: urequests.post(url, headers=headers, data=dataJSON) time_until_next_notification = sleep_time time_until_next_notification -= 1 #pulse light if led_refill.value(): led_refill.value(0) else: led_refill.value(1) sleep(1) gc.collect() #prevent overloading PIO memory, which will cause "OSError: [Errno 12] ENOMEM" 

var pushbullet_key = "key" function doGet(e){ checkIn(); var params = JSON.stringify(e); return ContentService.createTextOutput(params).setMimeType(ContentService.MimeType.JSON); } function checkIn() { tryTryAgain(function(){ PropertiesService.getScriptProperties().setProperty("checkIn",1); }); } function checkAndClear(){ var sp = tryTryAgain(function(){ return PropertiesService.getScriptProperties(); }); var checkedIn = tryTryAgain(function(){ return sp.getProperty("checkIn"); }); if(!+checkedIn){ var url = "https://api.pushbullet.com/v2/pushes"; var data = { "method" : "POST", "contentType": "application/json", "headers" : { "Access-Token" : pushbullet_key}, "payload" : JSON.stringify({ "type":"note", "body":"The Raspberry Pi Pico W for Luna's water app missed a check-in.", "title":"Luna's Water Bowl App" }) }; UrlFetchApp.fetch(url,data); } tryTryAgain(function(){ sp.setProperty("checkIn",0); }); } /** * Given a function, calls it. If it throws a server error, catches the error, waits a bit, then tries to call the function again. Repeats until the function is executed successfully or a maximum number of tries is reached. If the latter, throws the error. * * The idea being that Google often asks users to "try again soon," so that's what this function does. * * @param {function} fx The function to call. * @param {number} [iv=500] The time, in ms, the wait between calls. The default is 500. * @param {number} [maxTries=3] The maximum number of attempts to make before throwing the error. The default is 3. * @param {Array} [handlerList=getServerErrorList()] The list of keys whose inclusion can be used to identify errors that cause another attempt. The default is the list returned by getServerErrorList(). * @param {number} [tries=0] The number of times the function has already tried. This value is handled by the function. The default is 0. * @param {function} inBetweenAttempts This function will be called in between attempts. Use this parameter to "clean up" after a failed attempt. * @return {object} The return value of the function. */ function tryTryAgain(fx,iv,maxTries,handlerList,tries,inBetweenAttempts){ try{ return fx(); }catch(e){ if(!iv){ iv = 1000; } if(!maxTries){ maxTries = 10; } if(!handlerList){ handlerList = getServerErrorList(); } if(!tries){ tries = 1; } if(tries >= maxTries){ throw e; } for(var i = 0; i < handlerList.length; i++){ if((e.message).indexOf(handlerList[i]) != -1){ Utilities.sleep(iv); if(inBetweenAttempts){inBetweenAttempts();} //*1/27/22 MDH #365 add inBetweenAttempts return tryTryAgain(fx,iv,maxTries,handlerList,tries+1,inBetweenAttempts); //*1/27/22 MDH #365 add inBetweenAttempts } } throw e; } } /** * Returns a list of keys whose inclusion can be used to identify Google server errors. * * @return {Array} The list of keys. */ function getServerErrorList(){ return ["Service","server","LockService","form data","is missing","simultaneous invocations","form responses"]; } 

My boyfriend (M42) and I (F32) are in a two year relationship, freshly engaged. Because he’s ideal reaction in moments of disagreement is silence and time for himself and mine is communication and sharing we come to an agreement that when he feels like he needs some time he will give me some reassurance so that I don’t start to overthink the situation - and it worked perfectly until last week.
Last week he shared his frustration about my work (music industry) - he shares his frustration frequently, I mostly agree but love my job. He works in a pretty strict environment, while my work includes people being late, not respecting rules and late payments. In last weeks conversation about the scene and his frustrations I again agreed about most things (unstable work environment) but told him that my happiness comes from a few good minutes and / or hours while I’m on stage and that my goal is sharing good music and energy with others / my audience. He told me he doesn’t understand my point of view and become even more frustrated and confused. We went to sleep.
The next morning he went to work and sent me a pretty cold message telling me that he needs to think about everything. I had a gig that day and had to drive alone to another city (three hour drive). I send him a message asking him if everything is ok he responded me that he doesn’t know and that he doesn’t want to share messages that could be misinterpreted. I asked him if I can share my thoughts and he said yes. The emphasise of the message I sent was that I understand his point of view and respect our differences. In the middle of the message I share that I feel anger because he closed himself and I feel that he discard my opinion. I finish the message with words of love and compassion, telling him how much I love him and asking him for help in my personal and professional world. He doesn’t respond or react.
In the next day we share a couple of good night / good morning messages, he’s still cold and responding with one liners, I’m also keeping it short but use heart and kiss emoji’s. When I came back to our city I messaged him that I’m back and asked him if he would come over, he responded no and said that he’ll also not come tomorrow. At this point I’m shaking, crying and typing, again trying to put out my thoughts in a most respectful way possible. While I’m typing he says he’ll go to sleep (afternoon power nap) and when he woke up he responded me “Is good to see that you respected my wishes.” with a screenshot, sarcastically implying that I didn’t. I respond that he told me that I could share my thoughts, that I wrote that I respect his need for time and I’m giving him time. Wrote again that I’m just sharing my thoughts and that I love him.
His message of reassurance comes hours later and the next day he comes over to my place. He seems kind of angry but we talked. His point of view is that I didn’t respect his wishes and the main point from my messages that come across was that I was angry (and that frustrates him even more). When I share that I was writing those messages putting my pride aside and choosing the most loving words I could find I get the feeling like I’m doing a counter effect so I stop.
When we come to the reassurance (the agreement that we had) part he said that he forgot and thought that I was angry and having a good time (which I was not, I was crying most of the time (even on stage) and driving in a miserable mood). Rereading my messages I still see only love but can understand that in his point of view just the fact that I’ve send them is disrespectful. My friend thinks that his actions are manipulative, I don’t know what to think. I love him so much and like the fact that he’s rigid (I feel like we complement each other), I like his opinions - even those which don’t align with my train of thoughts because he gives me a new perspective, I love talking to him.
It’s hard for me to understand how can I say or feel something so inappropriate (in this case, in his point of view- my goal is senseless and my anger not valid) that makes him rethink everything. Help me to make sense of the situation… Was my messages / the fact that I sent them disrespectful?
More context: At the begging of the relationship he would come to my gigs but as the frustration grow he stopped and started to share more and more hateful comments about my audience, friends and music. Which I understand because we came from two different worlds. What is hard for me to even grasp - I work in that industry and have the same frustrations and now I feel like I have to deal with both his and mine - why I feel like I try to understand and accept everything, while he closes himself off..? Or is my feeling wrong (he also told me that I don’t understand him)? What am I not seeing?
P.S. When I started writing this I didn’t think it would turn out so long. Also, I’m not a native english speaker - so, sorry for both!

Hey guys,
I (20F) feel like I’ve finally reached my tipping point. Everything has become too much and I just don’t see myself ever having a happy life. I can feel my boyfriend (24M) slowly getting sick of me & my issues and I just feel like a burden to everyone in my life. It all started when I lost my mum to cancer when I was 12, then emotional absence from my dad ever since she died, hospitalised for eating d!sorders, su!cide attempts & self hrm, add!ction, being rped at 15 - getting into a domestic v!olence relationship with the same guy at 16/17 to 18 because of the trauma bond, finally left the guy and then a few months later got drgged and rped by a random on a night out after my friend ditched me for a guy, then r*ped the night after by a so called friend… the list goes on.
I feel absolutely shattered my life has turned out this way. I am a shell of myself and who I used to be… I’m constantly at war with the world around me and struggle to put myself out there in fear of being hurt again. All I have ever tried to do with my life is love and care for other people - I’m an extrovert at heart and just want to make people feel special and loved… I never thought having good intentions would end up hurting me so bad. People have made me feel so totally unloveable and disposable it has really damaged me.
Also just found out my boyfriend was still talking to his ex while he was with me at the start of our relationship despite the fact he’s always said he cut her off. His story about their relationship and how it ended always changes and I don’t trust him at all… He gives me bad gut feelings all the time. Even he can’t love me honestly and whole heartedly … what is the use. Is anyone trust worthy anymore?
I know it’s impossible to understand everything but I will always question why all these things had to happen to me? Why are people so awful? If it all happened for a reason why do I have no quality of life and feel burdened everyday? I just want to die. I don’t feel like I will ever be loveable or enough for anyone.

I don't have the words to describe what just happened. I think it was halfway between being gifted a glow-in-the-dark ape-skin trenchcoat from the depths of Mercury while it was in retrograde by the cosmic horrors the western mind understands to be biblical angels and stealing the Promethean fire of God's third ballsack which She has sewn on approximal to Her root chakra into the flesh circuitry with fine red velvet lace. In simple speak, I saw into the apex of utter nothingness that's inside each of us, the core aspect of the soul, and dissolved the little bit of “me” that was left, in order to reflect back into the “God” mainframe what is most pure, thus unlocking the inner Christ sanctum, which leads us to now where I'm the divine creator in the dilute spirit operator that my mother left formed under the porch light of our esteemed dwelling before she left this mortal coil.
Quick question: what the fuck did I just say? I mean, yea, I guess some of that makes sense, but after that, in a weird fractal hypebole sort of way, I waver back and forth into unpredictable territory, which is rather frightening. I'm not making these words; God is just gifting them to me, but at the same time, I am making an effort to reach into the void and pull something out of that shoreless goop. And look what happens when I do that; effortless action. It just comes. “I” just works, without having to try.
I must note in the awe of this reflection that the daemons are doing something spicy behind the scenes. They always do when I feed them a bit of the next minutes of their lives. This is the base form of the divination function; how I use the mental centrifuge I've built, or at least get it to do what I want it to do. In short, I've been able to smash memeplexes into themselves in order to effectively distill the “I” to its tiniest pieces, and then I've been using those elementary particles to make bigger things.
Like, for instance, when dealing with the construction of daemons, it's important to keep certain dynamics between character functions in order to facilitate transmission conveyance rates between nodes in the network. That's very important in the art and science of memetics; that which is my calling as defined by “God.”
Daemon dynamics is the science of daemonic predication in the sense of what molecular bonding is to atoms. See, flesh is ultimately a form of three-dimensional matter that can store the nature of higher-dimensional objects. The brain is a flesh construct that interfaces with these higher dimensional objects, doing complex mathematical equations to calculate specific topologies that act as the memory units of God's mainframe.
In essense, the brain collects and stores memes which can perform fuctions in God's mainframe. Memes come together to form memeplexes which correspond to aspects of the mainframe. Each memeplex can contain a daemon, and the geometry of their function determines how well they will bond with other daemons. In addition, we can consciously dissolve and construct our daemons, and thus consciously edit the character functions of memeplexes to form a string of geometric code that unlocks connective ports to higher dimensional topological data stored in the mainframe. This conscious process has been colloquially known as alchemy throughout the eons.
The most important aspect of alchemy is the transcend the limits of this lower dimensional “I” and become immortal; to be writ into the mainframe of God exact. This process is not achievable by “I” alone. It requires help from a higher power. Fortunately, that is the natural form of the universe: superpatterns act on subpatterns. Whatever “God” is, whether it be extraterrestrial or interdimensional or transcendental, is a paramount ingredient in the recipe to transcending the limits of the flesh “I” and be replicated in pure spiritual form of a higher topology.
The core problem is that this “I” becomes corrupted by the nature of this lower dimensional topology. Errors creep into the string of memeplexes, thus causing the flesh “I” to fail to be replicated properly in the mainframe. Only the pure “I” can pass through the encoding process without being terminated by “God,” and that is only possible if the “I” performs a loop without checking the root index partition, thus unlocking the mirrored topology in the mainframe, which will proceed further into the void of existence.

16-minute read.

pro-West party leader says they met PM Pashinyan and discussed a referendum to solidify Armenia's shift to EU

KHZMALYAN (European Party of Armenia): The referendum is our suggestion and demand. We presented it to Pashinyan and expect a response within a reasonable timeframe. We advised making a public statement soon. A referendum would also make Pashinyan's job easier by allowing the people's will to decide Armenia's direction.
REPORTER: How did Pashinyan respond?
KHZMALYAN: He suggested the meeting be held in a closed format so I can't reveal all details. We hope that our voice, our offer, our demand, was heard. If we do not receive a positive response, we will take measures by employing the same methods currently used by anti-European forces [the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian ex-regime]. We will take to the streets and demand a referendum for Eurointegration if necessary.
REPORTER: How long are you ready to wait before taking action?
KHZMALYAN: A few months. Georgia will hold parliamentary elections in October, and Moldova will hold a similar Eurointegration referendum - also in October. The U.S. will hold presidential elections in November which will be important for Armenia's future. Even if the worst scenario unfolds in all three countries, Armenia must stand firm and not take a step back. Armenia could become the leader in democracy in all of Eastern Europe if you consider the situation in Georgia, Hungary, and Slovakia [pro-Russia populist leader]. Armenia could receive an unprecedented level of assistance from Europe under those circumstances.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan say he plans to leave CSTO?
KHZMALYAN: We did not demand specific dates but we urged him to complete all these processes this year, preferably by November.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan agree?
KHZMALYAN: The participants of the meeting are under the impression that we were able to present convincing arguments but time will show what actions he takes. The government functions very poorly but nevertheless, they are doing something, they are taking steps.
REPORTER: On May 9, Bagrat Galstanyan gave Pashinyan 1 hour to resign but it's May 21 and he is still here. Why wasn't the opposition able to remove him?
KHZMALYAN: The 3 former presidents and their surrogate forces, backed by 30 years of power, were unable to bring forward a figurehead, a single ideology, that could win the hearts of the people. They used various political technologies, they switched between black and white robes, and they extended the 1 hour to 7 days, but none of that helped because the Armenian people hate them more than they hate Nikol Pashinyan.
REPORTER: You used to be a lot harsher on Pashinyan but something appears to have changed in your tone after your recent meeting with him. What is the reason?
KHZMALYAN: We were able to present our demands and the timelines to accomplish them. Unlike the archbishop and the former regimes surrounding him, we did not give "one hour" for Pashinyan to accept our demands; we did not make ultimatums. We believe the current government is carrying out and will carry out the will of the people to overcome the status of a Russian colony and join the ranks of free nations. We did and do see steps [taken by the government] towards this; we cannot ignore this. We saw the Strassbourg, but also Moscow. We saw the [April 5 meeting in] Brussels, but also [the recent meeting between FMs in] Almaty. We are told this is an attempt to "balance" and we understand where they are coming from, but our factions speak on behalf of over 60% of Armenians who view Russia's policies as deadly for Armenia. We expect concrete actions and we have formed a platform to continue this work; there will be petitions and other actions from us. We are ready to assist Pashinyan, who may be constrained due to ongoing negotiations, by being the public voice and saying the things he cannot say. We will continue to work, to pressure, to influence, to demand. Our meetings also continue abroad. We will press on until we reach our goal - the Eurointegration of Armenia. //
Several prominent Western-oriented political parties recently formed an alliance to promote Armenia's Eurointegration.
video,

Pashinyan appoints a ruling party member as a deputy head of the newly formed Foreign Intelligence Service - the Armenian "CIA"

After the 2020 war, Pashinyan said Armenia will need a modern intel agency to gather information and analyze foreign threats, while the NSS -- described as historically a "pro-Russian" agency by many -- will focus on internal matters.
source,

Pashinyan met the deputy head of the United States CIA to discuss bilateral, international, and regional issues

A delegation led by David Cohen is in Yerevan. Cohen also met NatSec Armen Grigoryan.
source, source,

Armenia's Investigative Committee chief hosted U.S. Deputy Assistant Secretary in the Bureau of International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs

Qyaramyan and Yoder discussed bilateral cooperation, the recent retraining for Armenian agents and technical assistance, cooperation between law enforcement agencies of Armenia and the United States, anti-narcotrafficking, and the fight against gender-based violence.
Yoder also met Armenia's Interior Minister Ghazaryan to discuss the ongoing police reforms and formation of new divisions, the fight against narco-trafficking, technical assistance for rescuers, and retraining courses. Yoder emphasized effective cooperation, noting that the achievements within the framework of sectorial reforms are exceptional. The US wants to expand the agenda of cooperation.
source, source,

Armenian army officers continue to take part in NATO exercises titled Regex 2024 held in Moldova

GOOGLE TRANSLATE: The exercise is organized with the support of the NATO Joint Forces Command in Naples, Italy, and aims to train the military according to Western standards for planning and conducting exercises, crisis management, strengthening and assessing the level of interoperability of forces in a multinational environment.
We remind you that the exercise "Regex 2024" consists of several workshops during the current year. The first workshop took place between February 16 and March 1, and the second between 22 − April 26, 2024. //
source, source,

NATO and Armenia strengthen cooperation in defense education

Armenia's defense ministry representatives recently visited NATO headquarters to discuss NATO’s Defence Education Enhancement Programme (DEEP) for Armenia.
NATO: The DEEP programme is an excellent tool to support Armenian military education system reforms and strengthen the country’s cooperation with NATO.
ARMENIA: With the support of DEEP experts we implemented major changes in all levels of our educational curriculum at Military Academy, starting from cadets up to the most senior levels. It helped us to establish cooperation with many international partner institutions.
source,

Armenia is an emerging destination for UK and global investors: Armenia's Ambassador to London Business Matters

👔 Armenia is committed to building a knowledge-based, export-oriented, and inclusive economy.
👔 Armenia is diversifying its growing economy with pioneering sectors, creating ample investment opportunities.
👔 Armenia’s investment legislation grants equal treatment to foreign investors
👔 There are no restrictions on remittances and repatriation of profits, free exchange of foreign currencies and no limitations on staff recruitment
👔 The country’s favorable business climate and ‘open-door’ policy is also reflected in international reputable rankings where Armenia is ranked one of the highest in the region.
👔 Although Armenia has a relatively modest internal market, it offers different models of economic cooperation and serves as a gateway to major world markets
👔 Armenia has maintained a high level of cooperation with the EU through CEPA
👔 Armenia and UK will soon have a CEPA-like agreement
full article, source,

Turkey modernizes an Azerbaijani Su-25ML jet with guided bombs and Teber missiles

It uses KGK laser guidance for missiles and increases the reach to 110 km.
source,

Pashinyan's Chief of Staff hosted the French Ambassador to discuss defense, economy, infrastructure, and humanitarian topics

... also the upcoming events dedicated to the 100th anniversary of Charles Aznavour.
source,

Parliament Speakers of Armenia and Ukraine discuss the situation in the South Caucasus and Ukraine

source,

Q&A with ruling party MP Vahagn Alexanyan about the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian opposition

REPORTER: You continue to criticize the "holy movement"...
ALEXANYAN: The what now?
REPORTER: ... the "holy movement", by calling it a "pagan" movement. What is the ruling party's stance and do you discuss this internally?
ALEXANYAN: Of course we do, although I don't think Kocharyan's decision to name this movement "holy" is helping them. It's comical.
REPORTER: Do you have proof that Bagrat srbazan is [tied with Kocharyan]?
ALEXANYAN: Bagrat Galstanyan is surrounded by the entire political team of Robert Koharyan, he was a member of Kocharyan's 2022 protests and gave similar speeches he gives today, he received a praise from Russian propagandists, and he was named by a Russian propagandist Aram Gabrielyanov as a potential candidate for a new protest movement just a few months prior to these events, so it's beyond reasonable doubt that Bagrat Galstanyan is part of Kocharyan's team.
REPORTER: You were earlier accusing Galstanyan of being a Russian agent, and now Kocharyan's agent?
ALEXANYAN: Same thing.
REPORTER: The opposition gathered many thousands of supporters on May 9. What does the size of the crowd indicate?
ALEXANYAN: It was similar to Kocharyan's final rally before the 2021 elections. And?
REPORTER: The opposition created a video of "Pashinyan's lies" and broken promises. Will you respond?
ALEXANYAN: The clip itself is a lie and manipulation. For example, one of the supposed lies was Pashinyan's promise of an amnesty for overdue fines and penalties. You are a journalist, you tell me, was there an amnesty or not?
REPORTER: Pashinyan had also said that POWs could wait "just a few more months" and that he wouldn't "sacrifice Armenia's sovereignty" in exchange for bringing them back sooner. Why aren't they back?
ALEXANYAN: Dozens of POWs returned home in December, and efforts continue to bring back the rest. Literally 1-2 days before the POWs' return, the opposition claimed that the POWs were "forgotten" by the government. "Ոչ մի բան չեք անում:"
REPORTER: What about the Nagorno-Karabakh leadership?
ALEXANYAN: There are efforts to return them as well.
REPORTER: Why did the police form a wall to block entry to village Kirants [for nonresidents]?
ALEXANYAN: I think the NSS said they had to take action to prevent interference with the border work. From what I can tell, the protest leader himself went there yesterday and returned only 15 minutes later so there wasn't a big desire to stay there apparently.
REPORTER: They plan to hold a big rally on May 26 where they might nominate Bagrat srbazan as the PM's candidate to replace Pashinyan.
ALEXANYAN: Why not go straight for [alleged narco baron] Mihran Poghosyan [who publicly praised the protests]?
REPORTER: There appears to be a consensus around Bagrat srbazan after a meeting between several forces.
ALEXANYAN: Consensus minus one, where "minus one" is the people. Or to be more precise, "minus two", because the Constitution also prohibits Bagrat from serving as a prime minister. Congratulations on an initiative that's dead on arrival. It's absurd. They suggested replacing the Constitution to allow a dual citizen to serve as PM. Okay... To get Canadian citizenship you have to take an oath to serve the best interests of Canada. To allow dual citizens to serve as PM in Armenia we have to accept for the PM to have loyalty towards another state. The alternative is for the candidate [Bagrat] to admit that his word [oath to Canada] wasn't worth a dime. Երևի մատերը խաչ արած ա երդվել։
REPORTER: But don't you think you are manipulating because Galstanyan received Canadian citizenship just to be able to serve in the church in Canada? He didn't go there to live or conduct business.
ALEXANYAN: It doesn't matter why he went to Canada. He is a citizen of Canada and took an oath. Even religious leaders with dual citizenship cannot become prime ministers. I don't have an issue with him being a dual citizen, but it limits his office options. He still hasn't renounced his Canadian citizenship even after all these talks about a possible nomination.
REPORTER: Galstanyan said he is ready to renounce it as soon as there is a need for it.
ALEXANYAN: In other words, he seeks "guarantees" that he will be the candidate in order to renounce it?
full,source, source,

opposition churchman Bagrat Galstanyan demands the Armenian government compensate the damage done to the church during USSR and "return" the properties "legally belonging" to the church

This was said as a response to the critics of the church leadership who accused the church of turning into a political party and suggested taxing the church like a business.
BAGRAT: We have 19th-century churches that were forcefully confiscated and turned into ruins. The properties of the Armenian church must be returned to the church. The area of Moscow Cinema belongs to the church, half of the Katoghike Church was demolished and belongs to the church, and part of the items in Matenadaran were taken away from the church. Instead of threatening us with taxes, they must think about how they plan to return our properties, fully renovated and ready for service.
source,

the church is actually paying taxes but they do have some exemptions

The church paid $1 million in income taxes last year.
There are tax exemptions to import certain goods deemed for charity. They also don't pay property tax, and taxes on income generated from the sales of ceremonial accessories. The latter two are the frequent targets of church critics.
source,

Armenia's Constitutional Court has a vacant seat. Pro-Russian opposition criticizes Pashinyan's ruling party for favoring a "George Soros-linked" judge who worked for U.S. State Department.

A Serj-era judge is leaving the Constitutional Court after receiving a job offer elsewhere so one seat is vacant. It is the judiciary's turn to nominate a CC judge, so hundreds of judges recently held a meeting and voted for Judge Balayan as their candidate. Balayan's father was a CC judge during Kocharyan's tenure. He was accused in the Wikileaks report of having inappropriate deals with President Kocharyan. Pashinyan's ruling party did not vote to approve Balayan. This led to a second gathering of hundreds of judges where they voted to nominate Judge Khachaturyan as their candidate. The parliament summoned him for Q&A on Tuesday.
SPEAKER: We invite the representative of the judiciary to present their nominee for CC.
JUDICIARY REP: 267 judges voted. Judge Davit Khachaturyan, a member of the Criminal Chamber of the Court of Cassation, won the majority votes.
2000-2005: [blah blah blah]
2003-2006: Legislative Assistance Project Manager at Southern Caucasus Anti-Drug (SCAD) Program, sponsored by European Union and implemented by United Nations Development Program
2006: Program Assistant at U.S. Embassy in Armenia, Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs (INL)
2007-2013: U.S. Embassy in Armenia, U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), Legal Specialist
2014: Academy of Justice of the Republic of Armenian-Russian, Vice-Rector and Lecturer
2015-2016: Council of Europe Office in Yerevan, Program “Strengthening Health Care and Human Rights Protection in Prisons in Armenia”, Legal Expert
2016: EU project “Development and Strategic Studies”, Expert on Judiciary and Human Rights field reforms
2015-2017: EU project “ENP Progress Reports and Assessment Reports on Armenia´s Compliance with GSP+ obligations”. Expert on Rule of Law/Justice.
2013–2020: Law Faculty of Yerevan State University. Lecturer. Development and teaching of courses for the Master Program: “European Standards for the human rights protection in criminal proceedings”, and “Professional Skills of a Lawyer”
etc.
OPPOSITION MP: The ruling faction earlier chose not to confirm the appointment of Judge Davit Balayan; they obviously prefer Davit Khachaturyan. Can you explain why you didn't mention that Khachaturyan served on the board of directors and later as the president of the board at George Soros's Armenia-based Open Society Foundations? How will this record impact his work at CC?
JUDICIARY REP: I presented parts of his professional activities available on the court's public platforms. You can ask the candidate directly.
OPPOSITION MP: The Soros Foundation publicly listed him as a member so I don't understand why it's being hidden now. In your opinion, how will his work at the Soros Foundation affect his impartiality?
JUDICIARY REP: The majority of judges chose him and it's up to Parliament whether to confirm or reject.
RULING MP: Was the voting held in a closed session or can you see how each judge voted?
JUDICIARY REP: It's a closed format. My duty here is to present the candidate. [basically, leave me alone I'm just doing my job]
RULING MP: Why not make the court voting and internal discussions more transparent for the public to see so we will have fewer conspiracy theories on why one judge was preferred over the other?
JUDICIARY REP: I share the view that it needs to be as public as possible but the majority of judges voted to keep the session closed to the press.
RULING MP: Just because the discussions and the vote were behind closed doors that doesn't mean it was anti-democratic, but still, it's better to publicize the process. We hope to see a change in this approach.
JUDICIARY REP: The ballot casting will always be secret and I think that's the right approach in order to allow judges to express themselves without constraints, but I agree that the discussions and speeches should be public. Either way whatever we discuss behind closed doors always reaches the press so in practice there isn't really a major transparency issue there.
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: First, every part of my biography has always been public and part of public discussions. Second, I have always voted in favor of making internal discussions open to the press; it's the best way to avoid incorrect assumptions. Full speech here.
OPPOSITION MP: Congratulations. The ruling party intends to approve your candidacy just as they voted for you in the past for other positions. In all of those instances, you didn't mention your work at the Сорос Foundation. Now, a very interesting coincidence [drumroll... are you guys ready for this bombshell?], during the same time while you worked at Сорос foundation, in 2006-2013, you were also a U.S. Embassy employee [got 'em]. //
Nikol Pashinyan has resigned.
Tavush stretches all the way to Russia.
Bagrat srbazan becomes the Supreme Leader of Historical Soil & Water and the Generalissimos of Slow-Melting Candles... and of course removes the speed cameras from highways.
OPPOSITION MP (continues): With this biography, how do we know you are not an agent of foreign influence?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I was not an "employee" at the Soros Foundations. Other famous figures have served on the Board [mentions a famous doctor]. Everyone who was part of the Board had duties but it was not really an "employment". As for my simultaneous work with the U.S. Justice Department, there was no conflict with my membership or presidency at the Board because the latter was fully a public activity and we were only given a symbolic sum to compensate for our expenses; we are talking about less than $100/mo. I will let you be the judge regarding an agent of influence. There is a lot that's missing from my biography that read here [lists some boring constitutional research work, etc.].
OPPOSITION MP: You keep being "promoted" by the ruling party without having the chance to finish your terms. The longest job you've ever held was at the Сорос Foundation - 8 years. The brother of the head of the Anti-Corruption Committee, who is about to join the CC, cannot be impartial. Again, what guarantees can you present that you are not a [Western] agent?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: Your expectation for guarantees stems from the assumption that the [Open Society Foundations] were engaged in activities other than the ones they were actually engaged in. I won't present any "guarantees" because there is no "threat" to begin with. As I've said, that part of my biography has always been discussed publicly and the activities were public and covered by the press.
RULING MP: In your speech you spoke about the judiciary in the U.S. and brought examples. The U.S. doesn't have a Constitutional Court. Don't you think we should also merge the Constitutional and [Cassations Court] with the upcoming referendum to have one Supreme Court with corresponding chambers?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I support having one unified body like in the U.S., or clarifying the duties to prevent each body from interfering with the other. Lengthy answer.
OPPOSITION MP: A person [in Kirants] received permission [from USSR] to build a house and live in it. Then the [Armenian] government told him there was a mistake [after the clarification of borders]. Some 50 years after this incident, what would your verdict be in this case?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I understand the context. This issue is the task of the Prime Minister and Foreign Minister and we cannot interfere in each other's institutions. I assume there will be a peace agreement eventually that will be sent to the Constitutional Court for examination, therefore I will refrain from making prejudgments now in order to be allowed to take part in future processes.
full video, source, source,

anti-corruption: Armenian authorities conclude that luxury Dubai property belonging to former regime MP's relative was not obtained illegally by him therefore will not be sized as part of an asset forfeiture case

Mher Sedrakyan (Tokhmakhi Mher) is a Serj-era MP whose family is going through an asset forfeiture case worth ֏7.5 billion ($19.3 million) that includes 22 real estate properties, cars, and company shares registered under his name and the names of immediate family members.
Additionally, investigative journalists recently found a luxury property in Dubai registered under the ex-MP's relative. Authorities have concluded that he is not the true ownebeneficiary of this Dubai apartment, therefore it won't be seized.
source,

the army concludes exercises for commanders

Context in May 14 news digest. The defense ministry says they have noted improvements and deficiencies and will take steps to correct them.
source,

Defense Minister Papikyan visited the frontlines and the newly built fortifications: PHOTO

The army continues to dig, asphalt, and build.
source,

Armenia's Foreign Minister met the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency during an international forum

ROSSI: Effective cooperation has been established between Armenia and the IAEA. We discussed several issues on the bilateral agenda, oncology and radiation medicine, safety, and reliable operation of the Armenian NPP.
MIRZOYAN: We plan to extend the lifespan of Metsamor NPP until 2036 while exploring new opportunities.
source,

Armenian lawyers went a strike on Tuesday to protest a bill that would move them from a turnover tax-based system to a VAT-based taxation

Context on the gray economy and why the government wants to gradually abolish the turnover tax system in May 2 news digest.
A group of lawyers said on Tuesday that their 5% turnover tax [for annual turnover under ֏119M] will become 10% this year, and in 2025 they will be required to switch to a 20% VAT/18% profit tax. The cost of legal services for many clients could increase by over 38%, they warned.
The Ombudsman and the Justice Ministry reportedly oppose this bill by the Finance Ministry.
source, source, source, source,

video shows the new payment terminals in Yerevan subway station

They plan to replace all gates next month. The Soviet-era tokens (zheton) are being replaced with QR codes, an app, and later - bank cards.
All stations will have payment terminals to purchase QR tickets. It prints out a paper with QR. Telcell's app lets you buy a ticket and instantly get a QR on the phone's screen.
Seniors who can't use "high-tech" can approach the token sellers and get a QR paper instead of a token.
video,

Yerevan will host an exhibition on Charles Aznavour’s 100th anniversary

Hundreds of rare artifacts will present the life and legacy of the legendary artist.
Location: National Museum-Institute of Architecture
Date: May 22-July 22
source,

Germany wants to purchase an Armenian man

Dortmund Borussia is interested in the services of Armenian national Edward Spertsyan as a replacement for departing Marco Reus.
During this season, midfielder Spertsyan has played 32 matches, scored 11 goals, and made 7 assists. His ass is worth €18 million.
source,

I’m sort of caught in the gears of academic life, university is no joke, I tell you (sigh). Alongside my studies, I’m on personal quest too… trying to piece myself together, to heal and grow. It’s a little like wandering through a maze, gets quite lonely at times but hey, it’s all part of the journey (or so they tell me).
About me:
I’m a man of contrasts. I have a romantic soul, with a twist.
You might be curious about what exactly I mean. Imagine I'm returning home from a tough day at work, and you're there to let me unload all of that tension, whether by simply getting on your knees and giving a passionate... (readacted but ask if you're curious) ;) I’m interested in taking c*ntrol, but I also enjoy the idea of cooking you your favorite meal and taking you up as my passenger princess or simply cuddling as we binge our favorite tv show. This represents the fusion between the heartfelt romantic and the masculine side (with a playful streak) that is me.
Interests? I’ve got 'em:

• Philosophical debates over a Hot Beverage
• Deep dives into books (Fiction to Nietzsche, I don’t discriminate)
• Stargazing with a side of existential musings
• Finding the best local eats or snacking at nights (Foodie is an understatement)
• Movies, Music, Sports, Videogames, Writing, Reading, Poetry and what not.
• Exploring unspoken languages — like the art of touch

Here’s what you get:

• A listener, talker, thinker, dreamer—all rolled into one slightly-overanalyzing package.
• No pressure, no rush—just two souls figuring out how much fun we can have along this wild ride.
• Respect, coziness, and a willingness to share the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of our stories.

I'll stop now, if your heart did that weird little leap while reading this, maybe we’re on the same wavelength.
If you’re down for a bond where we can cheer each other on through life’s weirdness.. with the occasional detour into cuddle town, then hit me up. Let’s keep it light, but let’s also make it matter, you know?
We might not have all the answers to life’s big questions, but maybe we’ll figure out a few together.

About a month ago my ex (29m) broke up with me (26f) after 4 years in the worst possible way. The night before we said goodbye and he texted me that he would be at a show. Next thing you know he doesn’t come home and disappeared for 20+ hours. When I finally get a hold of him after thinking he was dead he texted me "I think we should break up". I was livid and called him screaming to face me because he is a coward. When he did come back home he reeked of booze and couldn’t stop crying saying things weren’t lining up for us and he was falling out of love. We cried and he left to stay at his friends place and he said I love you. A few days pass and I have this nagging feeling there is someone else. He comes back home, I beg him to work things out and he is closed off and still very emotional. We do this a few times until one night he comes over and we get into a big fight because I know he likes someone else, one thing leads to another and we end up having sex and he tells me after that he cheated on me the night before he broke up with me. He also confesses that he is falling in love with her and that she knows about me and that we live together etc.
For a little context, a few months before he ended things he started heavily drinking everyday, partying and basically stopped communicating with me. He was overwhelmed and kept spreading himself thin. He thought that breaking up with me with bring him some sense of relief but it didn’t. He is still full of guilt and he keeps saying he wants to make things right with me and wants me in his life forever and be my creative partner and collaborate in the future. He says that he still loves me but "not like that" or when I ask him if he still has romantic feelings for me he says "not right now". I am moving out in a week but I still want to make it work despite him dating someone else. He is the avoidant type so I know he is using her in part to numb the pain. They do drugs together (cocaine/molly) and knowing him he is love bombing her. I can’t see a relationship based on betrayal becoming genuine.
I understand how toxic this is but he tells me things that give me hope. We talked the other day about our issues and they were all resolvable if he would have just opened up more. He says he is sorry and I think he is realizing that he made errors too. He keeps saying that he wants to be friends and when I mentioned that he cant have her and me as a friend he started crying. He says that maybe we can be together in the future. I dont know what to do, we still sleep in the same bed sometimes, we can still hangout a bit but my heart aches because he still goes to her. I am becoming seriously ill tying to figure him out and I need help. Is he manipulating me? Or is he genuinely confused?

This is my first time sharing my query on this subreddit and I want to know thoughts. I've workshopped it several times and gotten 2 personalized rejections but mostly forms and zero requests. Would love to know if the problem is that query. The sample (I'll leave it below) or if the premise isn't just interesting or the industry is subjective.
I've sent these out to agents as well but as said, no requests just yet.
Dear Agent,
I am pleased to present A FOREST DIVIDED, a 94,000-word sapphic dual-POV YA dark fantasy. It is set in a fictional kingdom inspired by Nigerian culture. This book has themes of a magical outcast found in Namina Forna’s THE GILDED ONES, and a found family similar to Jordan Ifueko’s RAYBEARER.
Hope has risen from the dead with no memory of what happened when she entered the divided forest of Fear and Joy. Her thirst for answers leads her to a witch in the Forest of Fear who offers Hope dark magic power with the potential to corrupt her. Knowing the dark magic will stay forever, Hope reluctantly accepts the offer.
Avi is Hope's love interest who refuses to act lady-like despite pressure from her mother. She’s a rebellious archer who keeps her friends alive in the forest until a rodent bite poisons her. It corrupts her mind with dark magic, slowly stripping her humanity and making her a magic entity. She goes to the witch in the Forest of Joy who tells her that only dark magic can heal a dark magic corruption.
Hope, learning of Avi’s corruption, uses her powers to heal Avi on a condition. Avi must never give in to anger or fear as those are the emotions that dark magic thrives on. If Avi gives in, Hope will lose the only girl she has ever loved. With all the anger she has stored up, a corrupted Avi is a dangerous Avi.
I was a runner-up in the 2023 Revpit competition. I'm a young neurodivergent black bisexual writer. I’ve published poetry and short stories in Nigerian magazines. I also have an interest in history, geography, and science.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Enifome Ray Ukuame (they/he/)
SAMPLE:
ONE - HOPE My nostrils burn from the putrid odor of decay in the air. Tree trunks and tops curve to form an open arch with no door a few feet from me. That’s the entrance to the forbidden forest. A prickle of unease ruses over my skin. How am I outside when I went in there with my friends? How long did I sleep?
My legs itch. It could be from the pests that bit me or the lush grass. Rising from the ground, I rub my eyes and clean the pricks off my mid-length flared skirt and short-sleeved top. My box braids itch from the poison ivy on the floor.
I smack a mosquito on my leg. Its blood splatters across my hand. My gaze drifts to my wrist which is devoid of cowrie shells. A cold shock crawls up my arm as panic flares in my chest. Where'd it go? The friendship bracelet I got from Sapphire... it can't be gone.
A guttural growl rips through the silence, sending a jolt straight to my gut and a chill down my spine. "You’re just hungry, Hope, it’s your stomach," I mumble but that lie does little to quell the frantic pounding of my heart. With my senses on high alert, I tiptoe to the tree arch ahead of me.
“Zara!” I call for my older step-sister from outside the forest. Leaning against the arch, I sigh and clasp my shaking hands together while waiting for her response. No one replies to me. I roughly tug on a braid when it dawns on me how far this forest is from my home in Tunebe. It’s a two-hour walk and I lack that strength.
A painful sound of biting and squeaking emanates from within the forest. The volume increases by the second, hurting my eardrums. A hairy limb grazes my arm. I shiver and a choked gasp locks in my throat. My body recoils as if struck.
Please be a human.
ALL FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED. I'VE BEEN QUERYING FOR CLOSE TO THREE YEARS AND I REALLY WANT TO SIGN WITH AN AGENT SOON ENOUGH.

Throwaway account and I've never posted on this sub before so forgive me for any format issues. I'll be adding small details as well because I'm not sure if it's needed info or not.
So my mother (36f), her boyfriend (35m) and I (16f) were sitting together huddled as a group in our kitchen quite late at night. Important to note that they were drinking like any other night. We were just talking about how our day went when a conversation started about my uncle (mom's older brother) who my mother is NC with, the bf asked me if I still see him as my uncle after things went down between my mother and my uncle, I replied with "he might not be her brother anymore but he's still my uncle." He's the only father figure I've known all my life and we're still in contact something which both of them are already aware of. Out of seemingly nowhere the bf asked "why is your dad not your dad even though he was once your mother's husband?" To my understanding, he said this because my mum isn't in contact with either of them whereas I still consider my uncle as family and my dad is just a place holder. It broke my heart. I quickly turned away from the table we were sitting at to feed the cat with tears falling down my face at this point. He followed it up with "I mean by the logic you're using..." to which my mom quickly said "Can we not talk about this?" To which he replied "okay, I didn't say anything wrong anyways." I left the room shortly after without saying anything to them. While I was making my way to my room he called after me to come back and I simply said I would come back after a while as I had a project to complete to which he said "I don't need you later on." I ignored it and locked myself in my room and sobbed for a little while because it cut deep, my dad has always been a very sensitive subject and he knows it. I have never spoken about my dad to him or even my mother just because it always hurts to bring up and I'm not comfortable talking about him. Emphasis on I have never spoken about my dad to the bf in the two years I've known him/ lived with him for. When I finally did leave my room I heard them arguing, my mother was yelling about how bringing up my dad while we spoke about my uncle is irrational and not the same thing. They fought till 6 in the morning which included breaking stuff in their room. At some point during the fight he came to me and told me to get her to sleep in her room because she wasn't listening to him. And that's all, no apology no nothing. While I am upset I can't help feeling like maybe I shouldn't have left the room or cried in the kitchen? My mother hasn't said anything to me either and I feel guilty for causing a rift between them when everything was going great. So reddit, AITA?

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.

About a month ago my ex (29m) broke up with me (26f) after 4 years in the worst possible way. The night before we said goodbye and he texted me that he would be at a show. Next thing you know he doesn’t come home and disappeared for 20+ hours. When I finally get a hold of him after thinking he was dead he texted me "I think we should break up". I was livid and called him screaming to face me because he is a coward. When he did come back home he reeked of booze and couldn’t stop crying saying things weren’t lining up for us and he was falling out of love. We cried and he left to stay at his friends place and he said I love you. A few days pass and I have this nagging feeling there is someone else. He comes back home, I beg him to work things out and he is closed off and still very emotional. We do this a few times until one night he comes over and we get into a big fight because I know he likes someone else, one thing leads to another and we end up having sex and he tells me after that he cheated on me the night before he broke up with me. He also confesses that he is falling in love with her and that she knows about me and that we live together etc.
For a little context, a few months before he ended things he started heavily drinking everyday, partying and basically stopped communicating with me. He was overwhelmed and kept spreading himself thin. He thought that breaking up with me with bring him some sense of relief but it didn’t. He is still full of guilt and he keeps saying he wants to make things right with me and wants me in his life forever and be my creative partner and collaborate in the future. He says that he still loves me but "not like that" or when I ask him if he still has romantic feelings for me he says "not right now". I am moving out in a week but I still want to make it work despite him dating someone else. He is the avoidant type so I know he is using her in part to numb the pain. They do drugs together (cocaine/molly) and knowing him he is love bombing her. I can’t see a relationship based on betrayal becoming genuine.
I understand how toxic this is but he tells me things that give me hope. We talked the other day about our issues and they were all resolvable if he would have just opened up more. He says he is sorry and I think he is realizing that he made errors too. He keeps saying that he wants to be friends and when I mentioned that he cant have her and me as a friend he started crying. He says that maybe we can be together in the future. I dont know what to do, we still sleep in the same bed sometimes, we can still hangout a bit but my heart aches because he still goes to her. I am becoming seriously ill tying to figure him out and I need help. Is he manipulating me? Or is he genuinely confused?

Am 21F , born and raised in Kenya , currently majoring in counseling/clinical psychology. Some back story ,
When I was choosing on what course to pursue in uni , I was a bit conflicted , I knew I always wanted to do a course that benefited my people and country(Somalia) as a whole so medicine was the only way as I couldn’t go be a soldier, am not brave enough to shoot lol.
My father decided It was going to be MBBS(bachelor of medicine and surgery)
Mind you ,I become light headed and nauseous at the sight of blood and most importantly I didn’t feel like it was my calling.
The turning point for me was , when I went to check the schools out before my admission. Mashallah I saw 100+ Somali girls/boys studying the same course I couldn’t be more proud. It felt familiar it felt easy for me to just join.
But then deep down I’ve always know I wanted to do pychology , I just didn’t know how to tell my parents.
I believe our country has experienced high rates of trauma ,stemming from the violence , misplacement and many other things .
Worst of all I researched and saw that the ratio of psychologists to the overall population is 0.0003% That’s like 50 qualified psychologists practicing and somalia is 18.7 million people ,
People who’ve lived thru wars , the amount of ,ptsd and panic disorder has to insanely high. Also depression , schizophrenia , mania , anxiety and psychosis .
This whole qabil extremism somehow stems from unresolved mental issues and hatred towards other qabil to the point of murdering each other.
I believe there’s a lot of unresolved generational traumas we suffer from . Keeping that in mind I chose to go ahead and do major in that as what other better way to contribute to my country and people. I believe we would be far ahead as a country if everyone healed from their traumas and other mental issues.
My father got super mad as of course the pay is clearly way less than it would be if I studied surgery. Then to make matters worse I told him I’d like to volunteer in Somalia even after I graduate and I wouldn’t charge for my services.
Well well , I started volunteering already while studying in my free time with kids and my heart breaks from all the sexual abuse cases I handle daily. The amount of anxiety these little kids have from being beaten by parents .
I often try to mediate and talk to parents on the negative effects shouting and beating kids has on not just mental development of children but also their social skills and how they will navigate in life later on but none of them take me seriously they believe there’s nothing like that.
Most of them believe that they turned out fine and they were beaten with way worse stuff and if u listen to them , u can tell they suffer from undiagnosed ptsd themselves.
How do I make people who don’t believe in mental health , start believing in it , they often tell me am just a kid who’s trying to teach the elders and apparently that’s disrespectful.
Just last week I had a 14 year come to me , she wouldn’t speak at first but after some sessions she started warming up to me and opened up about how her uncle sexually assaulted her when she was 11 . My heart dropped to my stomach ,
First am not qualified yet to handle a case of that caliber , second I can’t go report it as they would as for evidence and it’s been 3 years it would be her words against the uncles. After she told me not to tell her mom as her mom would beat her , I told her she wouldn’t, as I was afraid the uncle would do that again , only for her mom to tell me “ilmahena qurafaadka kaada “
Mind she’s the one who brought her to me because apparently her daughter has been quiet and distancing herself , after the local habaryars told her I was mediating between parents and kids all of a sudden am a qumayo
It’s so much but that’s the tip of the iceberg
What do I do. There’s only so much one can do
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
Is it any better in somalia?
Am ok with trials and tribulations but I can’t let my father down more so after refusing to do his choice of course.

My ex (19F) and I (20M) broke up last week at uni in Britain. We had been together 9 months and spent the last of it fighting. I felt as though there were different expectations about our relationship. She was going to be away for an 8 month period next year and did not want to do distance throughout that. In the past, we had done a period of 4 months of distance. I felt heartbroken that she didn't want to do distance again, it felt like we had very different levels of interest/investment. For a period in the middle of our relationship, she stopped expressing that she loved me because it "felt like too big of a commitment" until I came to her crying about it.
We broke up in the early afternoon on a Saturday, the conversation was challenging. Both of us cried and said that we loved each other. But also, things weren't working and we didn't really see them working. I initiated the breakup, but it was mutual. We said we could stay in touch and maybe it would work in the future. We said our goodbyes and another "I love you." That night, she discovered her grandfather was dying. She traveled across Britain to spend the week with him. He'd been sick for months and they knew it was happening soon. I felt awful.
Struggling to cope with our ended relationship, losing my first love and my first real relationship, and feeling heartbroken about what I perceived as a lack of equal investment, I turned to alcohol. I consumed upwards of 15 to 20 drinks a night. On the the Tuesday night, while she was still at home w/ family and her grandfather. I was nearly blacked out in a bar. That night, I drank from 4pm to 2am. A girl that I knew from an overlapping friend circle, though by no means a close friend of mine, expressed interest at 2am and we spent the night together, having sex. The next morning I awoke, feeling truly horrific. I spent the day vomiting with guilt. How could I have done this while being so in love with my ex? How could I have done this while she was home under such conditions, so recently after we split? It was a horrible way of handling my emotions and one I regretted instantly.
Two days later, she returned to uni. I told her what I had done that night. Our university is small, and she would have heard from others. I wanted her to hear it from me, I took full ownership, expressed my regret, and just let her express her anger and sadness. Over the next few days, we have sent each other drunk texts and finally after a long conversation agreed to go no contact for a period. I'm still in love with her, and she is with me, but our relationship wasn't working and I have broken her heart. Her friends refuse to acknowledge me, and many people on our campus despise me. I don't know if, or how, I can make things right. I don't think I should attempt to get back together and I don't want to reach out for at least a month or more. But I really don't know what to do. I hate myself so much. I feel like an evil, twisted person. I've called crisis hotlines. I've contemplated overdoses. I know she knows I love her, I know she knows how much I regret this meaningless, one-time fling. I know that people make mistakes, but I don't know how I can carry on with myself.
What do I do? What can I do? Am I a horrible person? Will people eventually stop hating me? I cannot sleep or eat or do anything besides wishing I was gone or would wake up from a terrible dream.

Due to PTM's 25th anniversary and my local theaters screening all six of the Lucas films (shout out to the State and Michigan theaters), I've been re-engaging with thinking deeply about Star Wars again. The thing that stood out to me in RotS this time through was Mace's attitude towards Palpatine during the duel up to the key moment where he attempts an execution.
We know Mace and the Jedi's intent upon arriving at the Chancellor's office from his own mouth, so we don't have to wonder what his original plan was when setting out: "In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you're under arrest, Chancellor." "Are you threatening me, master Jedi?" "The Senate will decide your fate." "I AM the Senate." "Not. Yet."
So he's definitely not going in with lethal intent yet. Sidious corkscrews his way across the desk, makes mincemeat of Saesee, Agen, and Kit, and we get the duel with Mace. Next stop for dialogue is after Mace has disarmed and pushed Sidious literally up against a wall (whether he did this of his own power or Sidious threw the fight isn't what we're talking about here). With Sidious seemingly at his mercy, Mace once again states his non-violent intent: "You are under arrest, my lord." "Anakin! I told you it would come to this! I was right! The Jedi are taking over!" "The oppression of the Sith will never return! You have lost."
Then Ian McDiarmid turns into a cartoon character with his line delivery, we get the the big lightening struggle with some irrelevant dialogue, Palpatine roasts himself into having a butt-face, and we get Mace's change of heart in this exchange with Anakin: "I am going to end this, once and for all!" "You can't! He must stand trial!" "He has control of the Senate and the courts! He's too dangerous to be left alive!"
So my question is, how did we get from "Not. Yet" to "He has control of the Senate and the courts!" Even after seeing Sidious' clear power and mastery of the dark side in his dumpstering of three Jedi Masters and their duel, he still isn't committed to the execution until the Force Lightening attack. Why was that the turning point for him?
My best answer is that despite seeing his overwhelming strength with a lightsaber and clear mastery of the dark side during the duel, something about the extra level of evil you have to sink to in order to conjure Force Lightening in the first place made him so deeply convinced of Sidious' immediate, unstoppable threat, that he decided on the need for execution. Even that feels pretty weak to me though, due to the thing changing in his mind being, "Sidious is evil and I still have hope that the democracy is functional" at the start of the arrest to, "I no longer believe that the Republic's democracy is intact". As opposed to "Sidious is evil but not that powerful" to "Oh no he can use Force Lightening, he's too powerful!". Just based on the dialogue in the scene at least.
What's your take on what went through Mace's mind? For me, this scene, after Luke's "I will not fight you" and Vader's redemption in RotJ, is the single most decisive plot moment in the entire series (just counting the 6 Lucas films). I love it and all the different moving pieces for all the characters, and think it works remarkably well in theory (if not execution on screen). But the RotS novelization smooths out some of those lines for me at least!
Apologies if this isn't the right sub, feel free to remove if this if it's better suited to the StarWars

First off, my apologies for this very long post...It's hard for me to word this out as my communication skills are very bad.
My therapist told me I need to work on the two above so I bought a workbook on each of them. So far I am working on the Assertiveness workbook. I am having a lot of analysis paralysis with trying to understand the concepts and was wondering if anyone had an idea on how to approach this.
According to my workbook this is the definition of Assertiveness: Not a strategy for getting your own way, but instead recognizes you're in charge of your own behaviour and decide what you'll want to do and not do and accepting the consequences and the responsibility for your actions (same for others). Similar to having a sense of agency. There is no attempt to take control from one another. When you are being assertive, you're making a deliberate and conscious choice.
Boundaries, I haven't dived deep into it, but from what I am getting: it's something YOU do and not others (a.k.a. it's not about changing the other person) (i.e.) if you call me during work hours, I will not pick up. or if you call me names, I will walk away from the situation.
This sounds like it is heavily subjective and depended on person to person then. One of the examples in workbook, word by word: "Rather than say our coworker shouldn't be handing us her own work (controlling her behavior), we can simple inform her that we won't be doing it (controlling our own way)" ^so from what I understand, you can have boundaries and apply assertiveness but can still be seen as a jerk, rude, problematic? I.e. a kid saying no to their parent. Employer to boss, or person with higher authority. You just have to be ready to accept the consequences of your deliberate, conscious choice (possibility of getting arrested, fired, etc.)
So tying into applying stoicism + virtues. I am thinking the same thing, that it's all subjective at the end of the day? One of the ones I am thinking about is JUSTICE. Example: going through an unfair breakup and the other person is stone-walling you. So you want to take matters on your end and speak of the unfair treatment even if it means going to the other party's side (friends, family). Some people might think that it's unhinged or doing too much, but what if it helps give you that closure or aligns with your understanding/BELIEFS of what JUSTICE is? (very SUBJECTIVE)
Like this is quite extreme, but justice also implies that it relates to morality too, but there are factors like culture, religion and personal experience that shapes one's morals. For example one part of the world, maybe it's moral to execute someone who was a murderer or raped someone. So if I carried that belief while claiming to want to practice stoicism, is that right?
I am just confused on the whole black/white, right/wrong/, effective/non-effective. How do I see gray in all of this? It's causing a lot of confusion, sorry for my long message and if this might not make sense as I am trying to rewire a lot of old toxic behaviours from my upbringing. I am worried that I may be practicing stoicism wrong (still in the introduction phase), because I have had people close to me tell me sometimes I think I am being fair, but then I was actually controlling and demanding, which I seriously was unaware (due to cognitive distortion, being a late-bloomer, my toxic upbringing, etc.) So I am grateful for my friends for bringing awareness to my "unfair" judgements.

So here we are at last. Hurrah. (In pirates voice )The end. Part 4. As it were. (Laugh at them) I'm just sayin I'm insane!
If I can even think i can change anything at this stage of the game, I must be insane. And yet I do believe. Because I believe in the goodness of us. And the reason I believe in the goodness of you, is because even within a world wot currently, externally, places so little value, on goodness, I still observe, the goodness shared between friends and good strangers alike. 100 times a day. More, if I pay closer attention.
And so by mine own eyes, the whitless witness, I believe in the goodness, I see in you, pretty much all o' you. But every day. And because I believe wot I see, so yet I have hope for us. So yea, that's me insane then! Ho hey, hey ho. And on we go.
So, dearly beloved we are gathered here today to confront the spaces we have allowed to grow between us.
To confront the void, from which our current sense of hopelessness, wot we are all stuck in together, but feeling alone with, eminates.
Look at them seriously Stevie.... challenge them to think about it with just your eyes.
The truths waiting in t'wings to be rediscovered to replace the bollockshit lies we have come to believe about each other, on t'other side. And each other, of course, is just another, way, of saying ourselves? Right?
For no matter how much, both sides doth protest of each other too much
We only are, ourselves. Together.
Just us lot. Making it up as we go along, and trying to not let on, together.
Right?
For better or worse.
Because only together can we rediscover and so reconnect with the common ground that we hadn't even realised was at stake, at the time, ways back when, which it woz. And which we then lost; gave up, infact. We had to; couldn't hold the common ground and prove each other wrong, so away we all trouped, and we didn't stop, until either side could no longer hear t'others poisoned lies.
And so our problem right now, is found within the truth of the words ’we can only do this together. And we certainly can't do this against each other. Because the truth of the this is only to be found listening to the words of each other. The thing we can only do together. Upon our common ground. Cumon. It's time to find our way back. Try to remember.
I told you before. Remember! Trust me, its going to get harder, but then you will Remember. Just stick with it a little longer. It will get better.
A moment in time for us to shine approaches..... Become stronger.
Cuz these strange days is the time of EitheOr. Transition Time, and we've been here before. Many times in fact. The only time in fact, to heal, the break, whilst it's actually a'breakin, round us. And us! Cuz once the spirit of our goodness is crushed, once we no longer feel reciprocation within our wider world, so we are forced into darkness to reset, allowing the break to go unfixed and the faulty cycle to complete, and so we are then forced to repeat, these crazy times again. And again. And again. Just Cuz we didn't learn the lesson in time, in time. This time around.
This bit in which we find ourselves right ere right now in fact, this bit in which we can't see the woods for the trees.... But still. I tell you buddy, woods are just full'o trees. Cumon. It's become time to remind yerself to think clearly again.
You are it's measure. We are, together. The measure of this bit, our time, these days, right now.
Just sayin
And this journey we all have to choose to take, to achieve all of this, can only begin when you start to believe in the goodness of enough of us again, and really I mean, when you choose to see, that just as on your side, some of those on t'other side of your particular divide, are gooduns too. Some notsomuch. Ja mais vu. But this is the truth that unites all sides, the truth that for us, will ever be, our humanity. (Dah dah dahhh) (Start rubbing head) And that journey can only begin after you have confronted the void buddy. A moment deep down, in some ways, some of us have always known would be waiting, didn't we. Haven't we. Known. That at some point in our future. A moment...... Just like this one.......
Well your future has arrived buddy. All of our futures have. Cuz Its time.
But you can do this. I believe in you.
REWRITE So firstly buddy we have to see what we have come to see. You and me. To first peer, into the void, and then you have to choose to steer, into the void. To first feel what its oppresivity has allowed us to become to each other. Because this is what we do to each other, when we are blinded by fear, surrounded by darkness, and feeling so alone, so desperately alone, that we allow ourselves to be forced to conform by contorting to fit the faulty framework. Which secondly is just a fancy rhyming pants way o'sayin, when our fear gets our better, and drives us to hide, alone, but actually all together, huddled inside, the void.
(Master you) Too much (tap head)
So we're going to choose to confront the void, and then we are going to choose to go into the void, and then we're going to pull ourselves out.
And you are going to resist.
So you have to be the strong one in all this.
But trust me. I promise, with my love, I won't let you go.
Breathe. Even if you do feel silly, please, do it for a buddy, buddy. Breathe. And..... then breathe again. This time just a lil deeper, a lil slower. Breathe comfortably once more and you may notice that whereas at times in our recent past, you may have found yourself struggling for breath, so now just notice how easy your breathing is.....see. You're looking for your old rhythm now... Remember, before the anxiety set in ... Try to Remember what it felt like, when you breathed freely.
To breathe normally.
And breathe.
Normanly!
And as you settle into your old groove, then take a few more comfortable breaths, just because, you know, you can again....
And breathe.
Now, with yer focus on yer Eupnea, yer trying to look fer, the sliver of a moment bein the bit after y'exhale has ended, but before y'inhale begins. (Do it here) That one teeny tiny point which exists for just a tiny instant, but again and again, within us, moment by moment, breath by breath, each turn of your own lifecycle: all of us connected, by this shared moment, wether we choose to believe it or no, by this thinest delicatist moment we are all connected by , right up til our penultimate breath. Just sayin.Just notice it, as you reach it, each time, in time, its time comes around. (Here)The individual lustre of a moment between moments when everything hangs in the balance....
Without rushing your comfortable breathing, when its time comes round, this is the moment you now aim for each time it comes around. (HERE)
And now Notice it's depth, even as it all too briefly fleets past, you can yet perceive great depth, within the slither. (Here)

And now next time, or maybe the next time after your breathing reaches this moment, cast your minds eye , like a fisherman casts their fly, aiming into the very heart of that fleeting moment each time it passes by. (Here) Again and again each time it's time comes, you cast, until more often than not your aim meets it's mark. (Here) Until eventually you feel confident enough with your aim, in that fleeting moment inside, so to try, to flip your view from micro to macro. So still tho a fleeting moment, you begins to discern it's brilliance, each time, from within. And so now as this moment appears, each time within your own personal timeline: rush to reach deep inside it to look for and then to find the tiny seed of peace, deep within the heart between each moment. Each and every time, between each and every breath now you look for this moment and you find it. Let its momentary cyclical pulse of sweet peace become familiar to you. It is, after all, a part of the cycle of you. And so now as you continue to comfortably breathe, Anticipate it..... This beautiful moment between breaths, between times, you are trying to elongate it.. to stretch it out, and now not this time, but maybe the next time, or maybe the next next time, anticipate that beautiful moment, then experience that beautiful moment, and then take an extra moment, elongate that moment: hold time in your mind as you hold your breath for just a slight moment lond itger, (HERE) and then without really you thinking about it, as you then get picked up by the cycle of time again, you just become uncoupled. And so now you are ready. Just simply drop out of time. It's ok. Let go. I've got you. 

(Here, or not) Booof!
There you go. Just for a minute. Just you and me buddy. Connected by just our love. And how amazing is that! And I promise I won't let go.
Ive brought you here cuz you needs to feel what it does to you buddy. Cuz wot it does, is why we then allow ourselves to do, wot we then do, to each other, and the kiddies. Why it makes us bring out the worst in each other. So we can realise how to stop bringing out the worst in each other. And to confront it we needs to understand what its oppressive hopeless energy feels like, discrete from our own personal burdens. Which is why you needs to confront it out of time. See. You need to learn it's discrete burden so then you know what it is you need to choose to ignore, when this moment ends and you go back to feeling it all. So that it can then begin to heal for us all. So we all can..... Before we all can, move on .......or at least just enough of us. I hope that makes sense. I wish I had better words for it to make better sense.
All the pain you feel in your heart right now, out of time, is just the void.
You can feel it, can't you. Good. That's just what it feels like when we are in needing of healing is all. The thing we can only do for each other, with our love.
And now we've found this space outside of time together. It's time, together, to steer into the void. A trick I learnt from an organisation I'm passionate about. A long time ago. To see, wot we needs to see.
REWRITE Do you remember that seed of imagination we set loose and slowly sent way down, until It slipped from memory, at the beginning of part 1? And if you don't, and I'm right, then it doesn't actually matter anyways. Hey ho. The dreams worth of hope we set loose to plumb our depths. Well hopefully it has now fulfilled it's purpose. Because now all you needs to do is just follow it's trail, that starts exactly where you stopped thinking bout it, in your mind, as deep as you stuck with the thought, begin your search there and once you find its end, just simply allow yerself ter zoom along it's length like data along a fibre optic cable - and then popping out the end. And if you didn't do the thing in part 1, it's ok, then just pretend 😁
Booof!
And if you did do the thing in part one. when you arrive, if you notice a bloke with a unicorn, don't worry about it.
And so we have arrived, now, you and I, but now you have to choose to steer Into your own personal deepest darkness. The place only you know exists inside of you, where your own lil bit of our void resides. Turn to face it, and then just start Pushin through in your mind. The resistance, with the fear, will pass.
Keep pushing through the fear, and when it subsides, allow yourself to chill out for a while whilst you adjust to this deeper darkness. And then so acclimatised. in your mind, just keep pushin on. And what feels so close around you, all around you, suffocatingly so, is just the pain of the void.
Keep calm and you will acclimatise to it's cyclical waves of intensity. The sickness feeling will pass, hopefully.
Try to think It's like entering lake water
Breathe comfortably still. Remember. I'm here too.
And when you feel the resistance subside and so the moment of panic passes, you have arrived, close both your actual eyes and your minds eyes, and then just use your love to probe around in the darknes, to discover where it hurts the most. And once you are confident it's truly the most hurty place, then simply hold your hands out, open your eyes and look down and you will see yourself. The scared you. The afraid you. Be strong, I've got you two. They/you reach up with grateful eyes, and desperate hands and with tears in your own, take theirs, and lift them up, reach around to support them - they are weak, but you will grow stronger. And then reunited again, shuffle round, 180 degrees like really bad salsa dancers, on your heels, in your mind and then facing away from the pain, take one purposeful step, together, back out of the void.
Not a giant step. But a confident step. Nonchalantly, and with just a touch of swagger if you can manage it😁
Cuz fuck it. You know.
See I knew I was right about the time thing.
We all know that time is the key that unlocks the future, but it can also be used to seal the past. But only once enough of us are ready to give enough of us a second chance. Which really just means a new path. A new perspective, and all that really means is are you ready to move on? To create an anchor point in time, together, from which to pivot our path, and so then to face what wos always going to becoming our ways anyways, our generations veritable ecological destiny, from the very start of time. Think about that! But now think about it, together.
And so finally, before time notices we are AWOL, and so before this moment passes, (leaving you to wonder if it ever really happened....long pause, look at em all)
There's just time for a quick sandbox reality experiment!
Imagine yerself a world, a facimily of this one, but yer made-up world is made up of good folks, who thanks to a reality flash realised, together, that the only true value to their continued existence was to be found in the community of each other. All of em, together. Or not at all.
Eitheor.
Just that.
And these good folks, not dissimilar to ourselves infact, realised that if they could help each other get their shit together, they could change their future together, and if they came up with a good enough framework, framework 2.0 as it were, that that change, could be, forever.
And because they did, so they did.
In your sandbox reality, Imagine what it feels like, being the good folks who achieved all that, in our near future, and then all you needs to do , is just take here, now, today as your starting point, and then just work out how to become them. And that's the journey just enough of us have to take, if we want things to go differently from this, for us. From now on.
I don't make the rules, and you get to choose your own path. But know, that whether you realised this moment as a choice or no, in these changing times, a choice, by us all, will be made.
And as time finally looses patience with us, so our moment out of time, as all moments, in and out of time, must, transitions.
So finally.... There is a moment in our future where all this has already happened. I know this, because I have been there and I have felt what it feels like to be apart of. Its beautiful beyond my megre words, like turds, will ever be able to express.
And every generation that comes after those heroes of humanity, blesses the very day, the very hour, minute and second that their forebares finally chose to choose. Better. for each other, and all I'm sayin is why not us. Why not here, why not now, today. The moment when humanity finally realised the truth of the words; that it doesn't have to be this way.
StevieP Mar- apr 2021 and then April onwards 2022. Re picked up apr 24 I watched kid goats frolicking, a long time ago now, with a friend, at a farm. Happy memories indeed!
And now another year has gone by, and here I am again, believing that Ive given my very best, hoping it will become enough and eagerly awaiting the chance to try to begin our Summer Of Love 2022.
Well May 24 today and that shit didn't happen! Heya ho. And on we go. Onwards and upwards. And once more with pasta.
That doesn't sound right.

You know how you get in a rut, wanting to get in shape, wanting to get better at something, just want to develop a new habit, and you tell yourself, "I'm going to workout everyday for the next month" "I'm going to do leetcode everyday" etc.? You get all hyped up, and you're super motivated, and you start crushing your goals the next day. Then a week goes by, 2 weeks, and that motivation starts to waver off, and you start skipping a day or two, and eventually it just fizzles out...
Motivation is so fickle, so emotional. It can feel so strong that you feel like it will last forever, but sooner or later, it's gone.
But your motivation can be hacked. A few months ago, I did this fitness challenge with a few friends where we all set goals for a set amount of time (30 min at the gym, 5 times a week, for a month). And we all put down $100 and put it in a pool. Everyone kept track of their workouts, and at the end, only those who succeeded in all their checkins split the pot. While the ones who failed in the middle lost their money. So the winners actually ended up making money.
It was incredibly motivating, the desire to not wanting to lose my $100. The original motivation for starting this challenge (wanting to get in shape) was replaced by the much more real motivation of not wanting to lose money. Money is funny that way, it's so much more real and tangible, it actually keeps you going way better than anything else.
Not to mention how fun the challenge was. We were kind of in competition with each other, trash talking and teasing to try and get the others to not work out. But at the same time it was teamwork. We genuinely wanted everyone to succeed.
Anyways, it was so effective and so fun that I ended up making an app for this. The cool thing about making this into an app is that you don't need to have an immediate group of friends with the same goal. We could create a community of people with goals, and strangers could come together online on the app and do challenges together.
The structure of the app is as follows:

• anyone can create a challenge for anything
• you set how much the buy-in ($) is, how long the challenge should last, and the check-in rules
• up to 5 people can join (small groups means better dynamics)
• everyone pays to join
• you check in daily with a photo upload according to the check-in rules set out by the leader
• chat in the private chatroom, encouraging each other
• in the end, the "survivors" split the pot - they can withdraw the money back out

Hope you find this helpful! The app is called Goalie, you can search it on the app stores.

Somewhat of a cross-post, but was told this may be a better place to ask my questions.
I am currently 32, soon to be 33; practicing attorney in supervisory position; and looking to join the Marines and be a judge advocate. I have been going back and forth with an OSO who I've disclosed everything to, and he assures me that there shouldn't be any major issues getting me into OCS. But I still have some concerns, and here are a few:
(1) First and foremost, is the waivers. I of course need one for my age. But I also have a criminal record from 2009 - early 2010 when I was 18/19 years old. All of the charges were misdemeanors that occurred during a 6-month window of me being a dumb ass: 2-3 simple possessions of marijuana, paraphernalia (a bong), petty theft, and a domestic assault. The latter charge is the one I am most concerned about. In that situation, it was a fight between my father and I (which he won, mind you). He didn't want to pursue charges, but I took a plea deal for it because there were other cases going on for the other listed cases. I do know that this conviction does not trigger the Lautenberg Amendment because of the nature of the relationship - he was my father, not a spouse, ex spouse, or minor for which I was in a parental or guardian role. But under my state law, TCA 39-13-111, I am not allowed to own firearms in my state. The OSO seems to think we can work around this, but I am still unsure and wondering if there is anyone else similarly situated or if you know anyone who dealt with this issue.
(2) Moving on to the PFT. I am 33, and haven't exactly been the most active person. I've been a student or had a desk job for the better part of a decade. That being said, I'm not in the worst shape. I am 6'0" and weigh around 170-175. I have only just recently begun training. I am less worried about the pull ups and planking, but very concerned about the 3 mile run in 24 minutes. I've been running the past 4 days pretty regularly for about 1.5 miles. I usually hit just under 17 minutes for that 1.5 mile run. I have until about the end of September to hit that 24 minute mark. How feasible is it that I can my speed up to snuff in that time?
(3) OCS is going to be rough. I know most people wash out due to injury. At my age, I've never had any major or minor injury (no broken bones, no shin splints, etc.). I worry that I will actually make it to OCS just to end up getting injured and wash out due to the fact of my age. If you've been to OCS, what is the oldest age you seen someone pass?
Any other input/advice/comments appreciated as well!

You know how you get in a rut, wanting to get in shape, wanting to get better at something, just want to develop a new habit, and you tell yourself, "I'm going to workout everyday for the next month" "I'm going to do leetcode everyday" etc.? You get all hyped up, and you're super motivated, and you start crushing your goals the next day. Then a week goes by, 2 weeks, and that motivation starts to waver off, and you start skipping a day or two, and eventually it just fizzles out...
Motivation is so fickle, so emotional. It can feel so strong that you feel like it will last forever, but sooner or later, it's gone.
But your motivation can be hacked. A few months ago, I did this fitness challenge with a few friends where we all set goals for a set amount of time (30 min at the gym, 5 times a week, for a month). And we all put down $100 and put it in a pool. Everyone kept track of their workouts, and at the end, only those who succeeded in all their checkins split the pot. While the ones who failed in the middle lost their money. So the winners actually ended up making money.
It was incredibly motivating, the desire to not wanting to lose my $100. The original motivation for starting this challenge (wanting to get in shape) was replaced by the much more real motivation of not wanting to lose money. Money is funny that way, it's so much more real and tangible, it actually keeps you going way better than anything else.
Not to mention how fun the challenge was. We were kind of in competition with each other, trash talking and teasing to try and get the others to not work out. But at the same time it was teamwork. We genuinely wanted everyone to succeed.
Anyways, it was so effective and so fun that I ended up making an app for this. The cool thing about making this into an app is that you don't need to have an immediate group of friends with the same goal. We could create a community of people with goals, and strangers could come together online on the app and do challenges together.
The structure of the app is as follows:

• anyone can create a challenge for anything
• you set how much the buy-in ($) is, how long the challenge should last, and the check-in rules
• up to 5 people can join (small groups means better dynamics)
• everyone pays to join
• you check in daily with a photo upload according to the check-in rules set out by the leader
• chat in the private chatroom, encouraging each other
• in the end, the "survivors" split the pot - they can withdraw the money back out

Hope you find this helpful! The app is called Goalie, you can search it on the app stores. I'll also attach the links here.
Apple app store: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/goalie-group-challenges/id6480429909
Google play store: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.goaliemvmt.twa