What would cause a dark circle around my lips

To start, I really liked Prince of Darkness. It's not my favorite but I still liked it a lot as it was an interesting take on religious horror. My one big issue is that the presentation was too small in scope for the scale of the threat involved. I honestly would have kept everything the same with some small tweeks and some big tweeks.
The minor tweeks would be that I felt like John should have made the threat feel more dire as it was of apocalyptic levels. Adding more indicators of the whole world suddenly being off and something was rising. In Call of Cthulhu, Cthulhu awakening was enough that every sensitive human in the world was having nightmares and picking up on the Old One's dreams. I feel that sprinkling in news reports about a rise in global incidents and catastrophes would have build up a sense of some great threat about to be awakened. Sure there were some local indicators like the homeless people being weird and the sky but none of that gave a sense of, essentially, and Outer God about to emerge into our reality. I also felt that more focus should have been put on the characters and their reactions to everything. This is basically a cosmic horror story which makes building a sense of existential dread important. Often, it's seeing how characters react to the unknown that really helps build a sense of fear and urgency in a cosmic horror story.
Now for the big tweek. John getting into quantum physics and the fact that normal rules and laws break down on a sub atomic level was great. Also the reference to the threat being hidden everywhere in everything was also good because it leads me to my next point. While having a prison was important, the occupant shouldn't have been something definitive and clear. Rather it should have been a container you couldn't see into. As Lovecraft put, fear of the unknown is the greatest fear. For the threat itself, Event Horizon gives the best example. The starship Event Horizon was the "monster". it had been beyond the known universe and brought back "something". The malevolent force torments characters with illusions but also starts warping reality around them. The "Devil" in the container shouldn't have "escaped" but simply started to warp reality in the church and play with the minds of the scientists as its prison was weakening.
From Beyond also contributes because it's about a separate reality layered together with ours and only separated by the fact that we cannot perceive it. So while the "Devil" is imprisoned the Anti-God is trapped outside of reality but layered within it harkening back to the discussion about how at a certain level the laws of reality go out the window. The Anti-God is trapped outside and yet intertwined with everything at the subatomic level. Rather than the familiar, possess a chosen vessel and perform a ritual to summon the Anti-God, the focus should be to reseal the prison as once freed, the "Devil" would promptly tear open the barrier that separates out reality from the reality and presence of the Anti-God.
To conclude, Prince of Darkness was a good film if not among Carpenter's best and he was innovative. But at the same time far too much was revealed or clear and much should have been ambiguous. Rather than a lovecraftian take on religious horror, it should have been a cosmic horror story that religion tried to explain with it's scripture much like the Cthulhu cult. And while the stone statue of Cthulhu looked like a humanoid with draconic wings and octopus head, later in the story when Cthulhu was actually revealed, it was something incomprehensible and completely other from the scriptures with only the vaguest relation to what was written down and presented by the cultists. This, I feel, would have made Prince of Darkness perfect.

I’ve had the thought of giving up lots of times but some how I pull through and keep going like nothing happened But there is a point where some one can’t take it no more and just wants it to end. You probably wounder what would make me feel such a way so I’ll try out it in short.
I was bullied from a kid up to start of college. My dad died from heart attack when I was 6, my mam went mental and was in hospital for years.my grandad died when I was 8 Then my dog died same time, then had to go live with my nana for years at new school o got bullied at again . Uncle died of cancer at 10 Shortly after my nana died from Amonia, at 12 then had to live with my other nana. My brother took hard core drugs and beat me all the time. Caused me to break a toe and my jaw and cause me to loose a testicle in that phase, round about now my mam is out of hospital and different , she isn’t the same mam I had before my dad died. Struggled for years to get my mam to settle down in new home we had to move 4 times and still struggle to this day. More pets died and then my brother moved out and my sister moved too because of bullying and I’m looking after my mam by my self and have been for years I’m now 21 and never had a gf or sex and don’t have any friends no more. Had death threats and my moped damaged and almost stolen my home attacked and followed by a crack head threatining to kill my family. Police don’t do any thing about him and then all of a sudden he makes a lie and calls police to say something insanely stupid to make me out as a terrorist. This is the crack head that threatened to kill me by the way and he gets 20 odd swat armed response to raid my home and point guns at my head and so on. I have anxiety ptsd paranoi depression I’m basically becoming anarexit because I never eat I’m insanely lonley and have no one around me. I’m burnt out aiching all over. Over worked as I work 13 hours 6 days a week. Get 3-4 hours sleep a day and have had tooth aitch for 5 odd years now since dental care in uk is so shit. I was suicidal after all this and went to a bridge to hang my self. I wrote a letter and brought a noose with me and everything but when I got there I just stared at the bridge for hours and cried in my hands begging god to give me a reason to keep going. I hope there is a reason to keep going and god will send a savour to me but im really struggling here. I’ve heard it all before but really would any one els stuck around if it was this bad for them too ?

So a little back ground, I (f29) have been working as a landscaper for about 3 years now. My boyfriend (29) has been working the same kind of job for about 4 years. We transfered together to a new landscaping company last year in late summer, and everything thus far was great. ( last place we transfered from was super toxic.) Their are 4 different grass cutting crews and each crew has a lead and two helpers, I'm apart of crew 4 and my bf is crew lead for crew 2.
So one of his co-workers ( we'll call him Q) has been nothing but a nightmare to work with.
My partner as a crew lead is in charge and is teaching both of his helpers how to trim and cut properties with stand on mowers, well Q seems to think differently of this job position. He refuses to listen to my bf, hates when he gets positive criticism, and it has gotten to the point if my bf let's him know he forgot a spot while trimming or cutting he has a full blown toddler meltdown, screams and yells, and even threw his cellphone once onto the ground cause he got so anger at my bf for letting him know he missed a spot, my bf cant even say a simple " Hey could you go cut/trim over their while I take ___ over here to teach him ____."
Our supervisor isn't doing anything about it and at this point it looks like he's taking Q side. Gave Q his own truck to drive in so he wouldn't have to sit in the truck with my bf, told my bf to stop telling Q what to do (in general stop speaking to him) and refuses to discuss the issue any further so Q just does what he feels like doing at a site then leaves for the next site even if bf isn't finished cutting or trimming.
I honestly don't know how we can possibly handle this situation. We've tried speaking to the owner of the company but still nothing has happened as of yet. They "say" they are trying tk see if people can be switched around but it's been 2 weeks and still nothing has been done. Q doesn't care about the job, has told me and others he's "just here to get paid and that's it."
Would I be TAH if I told my supervisor to grow a pair and just fire the guy?

It’s gunna be a long one so I suggest getting your self a drink get comfy and I’ll try to make it the easiest read I can. As the title suggests this is what happened to me, my wife and our 2 year old son. The lord as my witness everything written is 100 percent true and accurate with many witnesses.
I don’t even know where to start this so I’ll just go from where I feel is relevant, I 31 male moved to Cornwall uk in 2018 then 24 coming up to 25. I moved into a beautiful one bedroom flat with sea views with nothing but a motorbike 1 bag on my back and a starting date for work 18th February 2018.
All was fine everything was going good life was finally looking up I moved from a city to rural countryside breathtaking beaches, beautiful people and I was ready to finally start adulthood. When I moved into my flat I had nothing, absolutely nothing apart from 7 days worth of clean boxers and socks a guitar and some chef whites. The flat was unfurnished apart from a bed frame and a chest of drawers so naturally I would have to buy everything I needed while I was there, I didn’t even have a mattress for my bed. 2018 was a big year for Cornwall as we had the beast of the east, heavy snow (now I like snow and being a northern boy I was used to it but this stuff came down thick and heavy)! As I said I had a motorbike for transport and I was in work when the beast of the east hit and obviously couldn’t ride back home as the snow was about 2 ft deep by the time I left.
So I walk home and as soon as you entered my flat my bedroom was to the right of the front door a cubard directly in front of you my bathroom just to the left and my living room just down the hallway to the left also. In my hall way I had a shoe rack where I always used to put my shoes, now given I had just walked 3 miles in the snow I could swear I put my bike boots on said shoe rack when I got home. Any way I carried on with my evening as normal and played guitar drank a few beers and just generally chilled before getting my head down. I was sleeping on my couch as my mattress hadn’t arrived yet, but the next morning when I woke up my bike boots was in-front of the couch like some one had jumped on them walked up to where I was sleeping and jumped out. Not only that my heater had been pulled out of the alcove it was in and turned on. I passed this off as nothing it was probably just me and I didn’t remember.
Fast forward a few months nearly a year and I’m all settled my flat is great, my work is great life is good. I met a beautiful young lady (that’s now my wife) although we just started as friends. I’m so happy.
How ever I worked on a holiday park as a chef, one day I get a knock on the back door to the kitchen. There was a man that I had been serving all week and he said sorry to bother you but my wife would like a word with you. Now I’m thinking great what have I done now. But she was smiling and happy and said to me is your gf or wife pregnant I had neither at the time, so I responded nope why do you ask? She told me her name it was carrol (forget her second name) she was a head at a spiritual church in wales. She proceeded to tell me I had a little boys spirit following me around and she could see him. I didn’t know how to react, so I just said oh ok really! And took her details added her on Facebook etc etc, now a few months go by things in the flat was getting weird not that I recognised at the time but like things moving / going missing and I just played it off like it was me being tired from work.
Again fast forward a little bit I’m dating my now wife and mother to my children, she’s staying over but she worked evenings till early hours in the morning when i would wait to go pick her up, at this point I had sold my motorbike to buy a car (more practical and I needed one as per the condition where I worked was I had to have a car to collect stock of a morning).
One night she was in work I was sat at my table designing her tattoo for the back of her leg as I love to draw, I used to have lanterns on my table that where on like a metal frame but they could swing. That night I was drawing both lanterns where swinging in unison so I FaceTimed I will call her red (as I don’t wish to identify her by name). While on face time I showed her the lanterns and I stepped away from the table thinking my shading was moving them and the second I did I swear to the almighty lord they stoped dead! Dead centre like they hadn’t even moved. She witnessed this and was like what the ****.
But once again we put it to the back of our minds and fast forward a few days / maybe a week. I used to have a picture of red and her best friend one of them stupid long ones that you get from a photo machine at an arcade, locked behind my intercoms phone. One day we was stood in the living room and i promise no one was near it but this picture came from behind the phone and landed in the middle of the living room floor. We laughed about it at the time and was like oooooo spooky but we was stupid!
So strange things kept happening red hated being in the flat on her own and hated being in my room as I had a built in wardrobe and she would always say she felt uneasy. The strange things never stopped but we always just brushed it off. Until …….
Our son is born now there’s a 2 year gap where my little lad I’ll refer to him as A, the happings never stopped or eased but we would always just pass it off, how ever when A was about 2 he would always talk to him self in the kitchen and say brother, look daddy brother but not a second later he would scream. Any one whos a parent knows there kids sounds and this sound instantly got my back up am talking as a father hearing my son make this noise I was ready to kill, the anger and rage that I felt inside was something I can’t even put into words, my baby boy was terrified of something and fatherly instincts kicked in.
Every morning while at this flat I would wake up with little bumps or marks across my body, but I always thought it was where I slept or how I slept, but red noticed the same time my lad was doing what he was in the kitchen I was waking up with what looked like chain marks around my wrists and arms and sometimes I awoke with scratches not 4 or 5 like a human hand but 3, just 3 linear scratches across my body.
Covid 2.0 come along, we all get locked down now hear I am with a young family so I did my door badge, I got night work as a security guard and red would refuse to sleep with A until I got home she would always say it felt like something / some one was watching her.
Now red had family down, and said family is a medium (at the time I would have laughed at this as I was very much so on the fence). But one night reds auntie was at her mums house and was doing a reading. During this reading she said she become overtaken by an entity she started pulling this horrible smile that my little lad used to do. (I wasn’t there to confirm this). But the next morning red and I and A are out and about in the car just been for hot chocolate when red gets a phone call from her mum.
Are you with T (me) red says yeah why? Her mum says get T and A to mine right now they both need to be saged with a white feather. So at this point I’m like *** off laughing but then I thought **** it I’ll ride the bus to the next stop. I walk into reds mums and her aunt (who I’ve never ever met doesn’t even know my second name) says to me you would have had a little boy, he would have been around 5 now and his birthday is in July.
Truth be told before I moved to Cornwall I had relations with a lady they should have been forbidden and she fell pregnant, but unfortunately lost the baby. How ever she was pulled to one side by a stranger in the street whom said 10th of July he would have been here.
So this lady reds aunt doesn’t know a thing about me but knew this, knew what faces / smirks A used to do and knew about him screaming from the kitchen and climbing up me in panic. She hadn’t seen or heard any of this no one had.
She proceeded to tell me I had a evil entity attached to my back and that’s why i suffer with back pain, this entity was hiding behind the spirit of my unborn and when A seen him or tried to interact with him he would come out from behind my unborn to scare him. He would use A•s fear and trauma as energy to try and make its self stronger as its end goal was me. It was terrorising my son to get to me.
I went white what the actual **** is going on, I spent the next few weeks thinking I was going insane. But things at the flat was getting worse I contacted Carrol and she said go into every room every storage room / cubard every dark space and say if you are not here with love and light then I command you too leave
A was getting more and more anxious in the flat, around this time we had been accepted for a house and one day he was in the hall way, I was getting the hoover out and he kept slamming the door on the cubard shut saying no daddy I thought he was being cute. I was wrong.
As things started to escalate we tried to reach out for help I’ve gone from a sceptic to a full on believer. We went to a witch shop a couple of towns over, the sell crystals candles etc etc. but when we walked in the woman wouldn’t even look at me, I tried to explain my story but A started messing around so I took him out side and this lady said to red no candles or crystals are going to help him with what he’s got she gave red two business cards for 2 white witches.
So let’s fast forward again at this point reds had enough A is unhappy! But we have a new house to move into so we said we would stay in the flat one last night before we go to the new house the next day. Our last night in the flat didn’t last from the second we walked in it felt so cold so unwelcoming just horrible atmosphere. So we packed up and went and slept on the couch in our new house. That was the last time red or A would step foot in that flat.
I had given my notice to my landlord about moving so I was there cleaning with L that’s reds sister and as we are cleaning we are both in separate rooms, she is in the kitchen I’m in the bedroom I hear her scream and then she ran into the room I was cleaning. Turns out this thing was not happy not happy at all. She was cleaning the cubard under the sink and as she tried to close the door she said it felt like something was pushing against it. She let go of it and it slammed shut. I did actually hear it from the bedroom, I told her to calm down it will be ok and we will work together.
I walked into the bathroom now this flats been empty all day I had had a wee when I first got there but other than that, nothing no one had used the bathroom. But when we walked in there was water everywhere sink was soaking wet, shower tray was soaking and the black and glitter tiles where soaked. We just wanted to get the **** done and get out. That night she left and swore she would never go back. Any who
I get reds mum over to sage the flat and she said she hated being in there, and I have 3 friends they are all into the paranormal, and wanted to explore the flat. I allowed them in as they where down on holiday and I’ll call him S is just like me emotionally dead only had two but after he left that flat he got in our friends car, he broke down in full blows tears and said he’s never felt so empty unloved and lonely. Another of our friends said he saw a long thin figure in the living room all in black with no eyes and was not of this world. He said the reason it had no eyes is because the eyes are a portal to the soul and things not of this plain can’t copy the eyes.
Any way let’s move on I left that flat and every time I left I had to say you are not welcome to follow me or attach to me, you are not welcome in my home or around my family you must stay here or go back to where you belong
Me red and A have lived in our new place a couple of years he’s happy no more screaming and running up me, red is comfortable and I haven’t awoke with chain marks since we started living here.
Red has crystals on all entry and exit points, she had the house saged, but on a whole she is happy and content, I am just never allowed to talk about these events infront of her. Last I heard that thing is still at the flat with my little unborn boy and my A•s grandad who did well to protect A.
This is my story that changed me from a sceptical to a firm believer in paranormal entity’s.

How It Ended
by Ethan O’Driscoll
A thrilling Post apocalypse story
Intro
HRV-1
22 July 2024
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
This is my latest report on the HRV-1 Virus we were instructed to design by the Russian Government.
The HRV-1 is an incredibly viral and infectious Retrovirus similar to HIV. Changes have been make on a genetic level to provide the request modes of transmission and symptoms.
Those symptoms are:

• Profuse bleeding from the mouth, eyes, lips, gums and pores of the skin
• Confusion
• Coma
• Total organ failure leading to death
• Reanimation after death and post-mortem hypo-aggression

This all included in a highly infectious package
The infection vectors are:

• bodily fluids
• contaminated area
• ANYTHING that has come in contact with infected bodily fluids
• airborne droplets

This is by far the most dangerous diseases we’ve ever designed. I pray to god the Russians only want it as a means of deterrent because if they use it I have no doubt it will end the world. The first sample should be ready to ship next week.
Chapter 1
The Outbreak
1 January 2025
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
I can’t believe the bastards used it. The first cases came in from Kiev in December from there it spread like a wild fire through Europe the death toll now sits at 65 millions. The hordes rampage through city after city by the millions. There is no way to stop this. What have I done.
NATO forces have established a quarantine of Europe but I can’t help but feel like its too little too late. My estimate is that all infected nations in Europe will be consumed within the next month or two. The Corporation has started the construction of a company safe haven for us higher ups. All we can do is hope the construction is complete before this thing breaks quarantine.
15 February 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
The world is ending. Europe is gone. The quarantine is broken. We’ve got cases in Asia, South America, Here at home in the US, Australia and Africa nowhere is safe. I did this.
Infection number right now:

• Africa 100 Million
• Europe 890 Million
• Asia 250 Million
• North America 250 Thousand
• South America 120 Million
• Australia 24 Million

There is no hope
The safe zone is complete at least we are planning on moving all operations and personal within the week. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. Dixie is my only saving grace and at least she’ll be safe. I pray for the soul of all those my creation has killed.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
Chapter 2
A New World
My name is Dixie Warren. Daughter of Dr Olivia Warren. Not that I’ve seen her in 15 years. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me to get on that NARU helicopter that she’d meet me at the safe zone. Those were the last words she ever said to me. I was 8 when the world ended.
Its been 15 years since the Outbreak. There isn’t really anything left of the old world. NARU still exists and turns out they created the virus and my mom was the head of the department that did it. They sold it to the Russians hoping they wouldn’t use it but they did.
It was specifically designed to spread and destroy as fast as possible and it did. I left the safe zone 2 years ago after I learned this information. Now I just spend my time wandering from town to town. My training on the NARU security team helps. At least I know all the best places to shoot a Freaker. That's what we call the infected and for good reason. Most of the time you’ll find them wondering around in groups of 5 to 10 if the group gets too big they turn on each other and form a pile of bodies devouring each other. They moan and scream to communicate and once they see you they will hunt you till you kill every last on of them or you get far enough away. They can run and are abnormally strong if there bodies aren’t damaged they’re a bitch to kill but I’m pretty good at it.
Right now I’m outside Richmond I’ve been stuck here for a week waiting for a large horde to move through. I’m hoping to hunt some of the stragglers and re-up on some supplies. A big horde like this usually leave a few hundred behind. My new AR has been waiting for some fun, I’ve got a new red dot and laser so I should be able to pop headshot after headshot but for now I should go find something to eat.
I’ve made it to a small department store outside the town. It looks like the horde is almost gone. Tons of freaks roaming around though. I can hear a few in the store. I’m going to try getting in through the back and take them out.
Made it back home and wow that store was a gold mine. I got food, water, bullets and even some whiskey. I’m going to enjoy the night then its time to hunt some stragglers. Then I’m thinking of going further south maybe New Orleans heard there might be a small settlement out there from another traveller, might be able to get another courier job or at least I’ll be able to stock up on supplies properly after all these years there isn’t much left in the cities to scavenge.
I better get some rest got a long day of freak killing and walking tomorrow.
Chapter 3
The Road to Home
I left Richmond yesterday. It’s a long road to New Orleans I wished I lived in the days when cars worked. NARU are the only people with working vehicles left and they aren’t exactly the sharing type. Its so lonely out here its been weeks since I last saw another living person the only things you see out here in the ruins are freaks by the hundreds. Its hard to believe the whole world was reduced to nothing by something my mom created. I remember her being the kindest most caring person in the world to think that she could create something so destructive is unbelievable. I’ve still got a long way to go the first city I should have to go through is Raleigh.
I’ve been walking for about a day and I can see the ruins from here. Its always so surreal to see the cities now, so desolate so empty. I remember growing up in Seattle, the city lights, the noise it was always so alive and busy. Now they’re all empty husks or mostly empty at least can’t forget about the freaks. Must’ve killed a thousand of them on my way here almost got bitten when one jumped me under an overpass about 10 miles back. Luckily my machete seems to be as good as ever at cutting up freaks. I should make it to Raleigh within the day.
Made it to Raleigh and its a mess, thousands of freaks I could hear the moaning and screaming from a mile away. I’m going to try finding my way around the city no point in trying to fight my way through a wall of freaks.
Heard crying coming from a house I walked past I decided to check it out and I found a young boy name Richie hiding in a bathroom with what looked like his infected parents trying to break the door down. I took both of them down with a clean headshot. The look on his face when he saw them dead breaks my heart. He says they’ve been hiding out in this house for a month or two after there homestead was overrun by freaks. Its a sad story but it gives me hope that people are at least trying to survive and rebuilt. He’s only 16 yet he’s seen so much and has nowhere else to go so I asked him if he wanted to stick with me and he was elated so I guess I’ve got a sidekick now. I’m not complaining should make the long lonely road more interesting. He’s got no combat experience but he can shoot a pistol so I gave him one of my backups at least I always carry extra. We’ve decided to hunker down for the night and do some scavenging before we leave for Charlotte tomorrow. I’ll be nice to have company for once I’ve been alone for so long.
I woke up to a gunshot and Richie screaming in the other room. When I got there I found Richie pale as snow and a little girl that was clearly infected shot lying on the floor. When I asked Richie who it was he replied in a cold distant voice “My little sister”. It was a heart breaking moment in less than 24 hours Richie had lost everyone. That was a feeling I knew too well my mom was all I had my dad died when I was really young and all I knew after the Outbreak before I left the safe haven was NARU but that wasn’t the best place to build personal connections just a bunch of science types that destroyed the world. Not exactly the most social lot and the security forces were just a bunch of military types that didn’t like the fact that as a teenager I was doing better than them in every metric except raw physical strength but even in that I was better than a lot of them. It’s almost time for us to get going I should pack up and make sure Richie’s okay.
We decided to stop by the old gun store on our way out of Raleigh. Richie mentioned seeing it when him and his dad went out to scavenge one time. He says it looked all locked up meaning there’s a good chance that there might still be something left to take. When we arrived there Richie was right it was locked tight it looked like there might be a way in from the roof so we decided to climb up when I got up there I was jumped by a freak that was just waiting but this one was different smarter in a way it heard me climbing up but instead of screaming and jumping off to get me it decided to hide and wait. In my years of freak killing I’ve never seen one that waits and ambushes. I hope this isn’t a sign that the infected are getting smarter. Anyway Richie popped it in the head and we got in to the gun store and what a find it was. I managed to get a brand new Glock 9 with a torch attachment and extended mag to replace the pistol I gave Richie. Speaking of Richie he decided on a 12 gauge pump with a tube extension and a AR-15 with a suppressor, extended mag and front grip. We also found enough ammo to keep us stocked even if we have to shoot our way to Charlotte now that we’re locked and loaded its time to leave this shit hole and start walking to the next shit hole at least for once I won’t be alone.
Chapter 4
The Road to Charlotte
We’d been walking for 60 miles before we were jumped by a gang of thugs. I caught a round to the leg before I knew what was happening Richie was more awake than me and managed to put a round through the bastards chest before his friends jumped out from behind two cars in front of us we managed to take cover behind a ruined car and we returned fire. I could see the thugs had no skill they just fired randomly in our direction while we were in cover I waited till they had to reload and tossed a molotov at one of them burning the bastard to a crisp. Richie rushed the other and unloaded some buckshot into his head. My leg hurts like a bitch. Richie bandaged it up for me he’s really starting to get used to life on the road. Looking at our map it looks like there is a gas station about 10 miles away so I guess I’ll limp my way there so we can hunker down while me leg heals. I still can’t believe I let the bastard catch me lacking but it won’t happen again
We made it too the gas station. The place looks almost perfectly preserved except the group of freaks that were shuffling around outside nothing that we couldn’t deal with. There is a lot of food and water here and we should be safe here while my leg heals. I hope we don’t run into any more problems till then. I trust Richie but he’s still learning and I’m not sure he’d be able to deal with any major problem on his own.
Its been 4 weeks since I took that shot to my leg and I’m feeling a lot better. Richie managed to find some painkiller so he was able to get the round out and everything healed nicely. He really is an amazing guy young and naive but he really is a good person. I don’t know how I did it without him for so long. It nice not being alone any more. I think I’m ready to get moving again we have about another 100 miles left to go before we get to Charlotte so we better get moving.
We’re about 20 miles from Charlotte, the roads been peaceful we ran into a group of survivors living on a pretty well fortified farm about 25 miles back. They were having issues with some freaks hanging around their water pumping station so we dealt with them for them in exchange for some antibiotics to help with an infection Richie got in his leg where he cut himself jumping a fence while a freak chased him before I could dome it. Only god knows how I didn’t get an infection in my leg after getting shot but he did from cutting himself on a rusty fence guess I’m just lucky. After helping them back we continued on our way. Nothing else interesting happened and Richie is looking a lot better and his cut is basically healed. We should get to Charlotte within the day but I want to stop on a hill on the Outskirts to set up base and get a look at the situation in the city because the farmers mentioned that a horde had passed through recently and they usually get held up in cities they should have moved on by now but better safe than sorry
Chapter 5
Charlotte
We made it to the hill outside Charlotte and the place is infested millions of freaks. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place and I think I know why. In the middle of the city is an old NARU emergency treatment centre. A place where all of the cities first infected were sent. A good plan till there were to many of them and quarantine was broken then all it was was a collection of infected right in the middle of the city which lead to the whole thing being infected much faster. I’m guessing this caused most of the freaks to pile and the smell was attracting more. Oh I forgot to mention the smell imagine a pile of thousands of rotting corpses that’s the smell I’m talking about. There’s no chance we’ll be able to get through the city but I need to get to that NARU site. There might be some old documents or something about my mom I need to find out what happened to her. I’ve spoken to Richie and we both agree that we should try and divert the horde away so we can have time to get to the NARU centre.
Richie has volunteered to draw the hordes attention away while I get to the NARU building. The plan is he triggers an explosion at an old gas station on the other side of town while I get to the building and look for information about the virus and what happened to my mom. All I know is that my mom created the virus while working for NARU. I need to find out what happened to her. I hate putting Richie at risk but it needs to be done.
I just heard the explosion and it works thousands of freaks started moving like a tidal wave of flesh towards the sound I hope Richie is on his way to the meeting place at the abandoned NARU checkpoint on the south side of town but I don’t have time to think about it now I’m almost at the NARU centre I need to be as fast as possible
I made it to the NARU centre and it’s covered in bodies there’s no way I can get in it looks more like a pile of living human corpses than a building I’m guessing the freaks all turned on and consumed each other till they were all stuck and fused together. I’m making my way to the NARU checkpoint I hope Richie is already there and safe.
I made it to the NARU checkpoint and reunited with Richie. He was covered in blood and gore. He had to kill hundreds of freaks to make it here. He says he was almost bitten a few times. I can’t believe I risked his life for nothing. I’ll never do it again. While exploring the place I found this.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
The final communication between my mom and NARU it turns out she couldn’t live with the guilt and decided to kill herself. I can’t blame her I would probably do the same if I was the reason the world ended and killed billions of people but it still breaks my heart. I am happy to know she’s dead and not infected lumbering around somewhere.
Richie is exhausted and so am I were going to take a brake here and continue on to Atlanta tomorrow.
Everything is packed up and we’re ready to go. Last night was rough I kept watch while Richie slept I hate to admit it but I think I’m falling in love with him. I never really had a first love I live for 13 years at NARU but I was the oldest kid there by far by the time any of the boys were close to my age I was already jaded and thinking about leaving so I didn’t pay any attention to them but Richie is different when I found him he was so helpless and lost now he’s strong, confident and he’s so loyal to me. I don’t want to speak to soon by I think he might feel the same way I guess time will tell we still have a long road to walk together. Speaking of walking Atlanta here we come.
Chapter 6
Road to Atlanta
We ran into a group of survivors hiding in a shed on the outskirts of Charlotte on our way home two parents and a little girl they were all bitten and waiting to turn they begged us to put them down before they turned so I did but I think it took a toll on Richie. He’s been almost silent since it must’ve reminded him of his parents and little sister I hope the day never comes that one of us get bitten and the other one has to decide whether or not to do it but if it does I hope Richie has what it takes to put me down if not I hope I get to do it myself before I turn but I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. Thinking about your own death is a pretty sure-fire way to make it happen.
We ran into a pretty large group of infected must’ve been about 20 of them but all of them behaved the same as the one that jumped me on the roof of the gun store back in Raleigh. I guess that confirms that it wasn’t a once off thing but I still wonder what causes it maybe I’ll find out one day. We took them all down and continued on I hate to admit it but I really enjoy killing freaks call it therapy I guess. Richie is running low on ammo for his 12 gauge. There should be a gun store in about 30 miles so we should be able to restock there. My ammo supplies are also running a bit low only got about a hundred rounds per gun left. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the freaks on the roads it barely enough after Raleigh I had about a 500 per gun. Lets hope we don’t run into any large hordes till we get to the gun store.
We made it to the gun store just to find it controlled by 2 less than friendly guys. They opened fire as soon as they same us. We returned fire and we’re about to enter the store. Richie kicked the door down and I rushed in I let of two shots taking down the one guy the other was a second away from filling me with bullets from his Uzi but luckily Richie put a round through his chest and another through his right eye before he could. Thank god. I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve decided to rest tonight and continue tomorrow morning.
Dixie: “Hey Richie”
Richie: “Hey Dixie”
Dixie: ”How you feeling buddy”
Richie: ”Oh you know always OK”
Dixie: ”That’s good buddy”
Richie: “Hey Dixie thank you for everything you really are the best thing that ever happened to me”
Dixie: ”Don’t mention it buddy I love you”
We’re almost 20 miles away from Atlanta and I’m not hopeful judging by smell. I’m guessing its going to be a lot worse than Charlotte but we’ll have to wait and see.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Atlanta and its as bad as I thought there are hundreds of body piles almost the size of buildings. The living freaks move around the city streets like blood through the veins of the body. Some of them are engaged in massive fights with other groups ripping each other apart.
We’re going in tomorrow but for now Richie’s hunting while I scope out the area. I hope he brings some venison anything but rabbit. I’m sick of rabbit meat. When he comes back I want to try and cuddle up to him and see what happens
Richie and I have eaten and we’re getting ready to sleep. I asked Richie if I could sleep in his sleeping bag with him. He looked at me like I was crazy but once I insisted I was serious I could see the joy on his face so we cuddled up for the night and went to sleep
Wow it felt so amazing sleeping in Richie’s arms and today everything feels different but in a good way everything just feels more intimate we had an amazing conversation about life this morning and it feels like our bond is on a whole new level. Its time to go explore Atlanta there should be an old NARU field hospital on the North-side of town but we’ve got a whole city to get through before that.
Chapter 7
Atlanta
Atlanta is a nightmare right now we’re stuck in a pharmacy bunch of freaks trying to get to us. I’m busy wiring up a pipe bomb while Richie holds the door then when I’m done BOOM
Richie Move....
BOOM....
Well that’s one way to deal with freaks. Always hate being covered in gore though. We’re near the city centre now and its as bad as we thought the place is infested with freaks every building, street and alley we’ve been fighting for every mile we’ve been moving basically carving our way through the city leaving streets flooded in blood but its worth it I can see the NARU hospital and it looks like I might be able to get in this time.
We’re Exploring the NARU hospital and its a goldmine I found a bunch of old documentation on the virus and even some reports of small towns keeping quarantine for years after the Fall. There’s also apparently an old supply and weapons depot nearby so were going there next.
Richie has been opening up a lot his little sister was out playing when a freak got her. Her parents couldn’t put her down so she turned and bit them he hid in the bathroom for 2 days before I got there and put then out of the misery. I wish I could understand how he feels because I never had anyone except my mom and I lost her so young so it never really affected me. I love him so much. This would be so difficult without him.
We made it to the NARU supply depot and it basically empty I mean it make sense Atlanta was one of the first city to fall due to vast number of infected that moved in from the nearby NARU detention camp. That was a bright idea locking up a bunch infected in one place and expecting the place to last. So the city fell to chaos pretty quickly and NARU withdrew most likely taking everything with them that or it was looted after the city fell doesn’t matter now its almost night and we should get some rest we’re going to camp on a nearby rooftop.
Sitting on the roof with Richie and a fire I can’t help but feel like life isn’t that bad yeah its not what it used to be but I mean I have food and freedom and someone I love what more could someone want from life. Looking out at the desolate streets full of freaks well except the streets we pushed through I see the death of the old world and the birth of a new one.
I should get to sleep we got a long road to Birmingham tomorrow. Its so warm and cosy pressed up against Richie.
Chapter 8
The Road To Birmingham
On our way out of Atlanta we ran into a huge freak and I mean a huge motherfucker must’ve been at least 10 feet tall and covered in muscle it looked like it was made of at least 5 other freaks. He tossed Richie against a car and knocked him out I managed to chop one of its arms off before it threw me 10 feat in the air and I crashed down on my back and passed out when I woke up Richie was putting round after round in the things chest and it still wouldn’t go down to I ran jumped on its back and used my machete to chop the freaks head off and burnt the body with a molotov just to be sure the thing was dead
Richie was pretty beat up and I’m not going to lie so was I my back hurts like a bitch but we keep on going no matter what because we still have each other. Still I wonder how those freaks got combined into that thing. Maybe that’s why they pile the way they do so they can combine into something bigger I remember something in one of the NARU document mentioning the virus being able to cause “cellular recombination” so I wonder if that’s not maybe what happened and if it is it means things are about to get a lot worse and a lot more dangerous.
We’re about 50 miles always from Birmingham now. The road has been pretty quite only the occasional group of freaks and the group of raiders we ran into outside a gas station awhile back but this time we got the drop on them and not the other way round gave all three of them a new hole in the head Richie was worried that they might be survivors till we found Sandra tied up in the gas station bathroom turns out the bastards grabbed her from her family farm during the night a few days ago and have been taking turns on her over and over since then. We agreed to take her home its the least we could do after everything that happened to her. When we got her home we found the place burnt down and her family butchered outside. I’m guessing after they grabbed her the bastards came back to finish the job. She’s decided to stick with us she’s a lot older than me and Richie. She used to be a nurse before the Outbreak she dealt with some of the first infected until NARU took over the hospitals. When things really started to go bad she moved back to Alabama to her old family farm to live with her parents they managed to set everything up before the Fall and have been living there since well till recently. She’s pretty shook about the whole situation but she should be okay in a day or two. We’ve all lost something in this new world.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Birmingham and the place is a fortress looks like remnants of the US military and NARU have fortified the place they have watch towers, auto-turrents and armed patrols. Also looks like they have a lot of military hardware. I know better than to approach the main gate NARU has a shoot on site order for all there quarantine zones no reason to assume this place would be any different. Still I have to get a look inside. Tonight while Richie and Sandra set up camp I’m going to look around and see if I can find a way in. I have to know what’s going on here.
I’ve taken a look around and I’ve found a way in through an old sewer pipe running into an old factory from there I should be able to sneak into the city and have a look around maybe they have some new information on the virus or at least I should be able to find some weapons for Sandra
Chapter 9
Birmingham
Richie and Sandra are waiting for me back at camp while I go explore the city. I left most of my kit behind except my Glock and combat knife. I’m not planning on getting into any fights and if I do I want the finished as quickly as possible. I’ve made it to the sewer pipe it should lead me to the sewer grate I saw on the other side of the fence from there I should have free reign over the city as long as I avoid the NARU patrols and don’t draw to much attention to myself.
I’ve made it into the city and it looks like something out of a George Orwell novel. Security cameras on every street, I’ve seen security forces beat a man to death and another group drag a young women kicking and screaming into an abandoned building. I hate to say it but I think life is better outside with the freaks than in here. Can’t say I’m surprised there’s a reason I left the NARU security forces and the safe zone. Lets just say civilian life and happiness has never been on their priority list. I can see a NARU supply depot I should be able to get a uniform and standard load out last I remember NARU doesn’t have a way of removing employees from the database so my security id number should still work.
I was right NARU never changes I just used my id to get a brand new NARU-P-2a NARU's home grown assault rifle basically its everything the AR-15 is but better its literally a gun made for killing freaks and you can feel it. I always wished I stole one when I left but I guess better late than never I also scanned through a few of the latest security reports and it seems like big guys like we fought back in Atlanta are becoming more common as well as a new faster infected with razor sharp claws that hunt and ambush their victims. We haven’t ran into one of those yet and I hope we don’t any time soon. I hope Richie and Sandra are okay, they should be we have no shortage of fire-power but I still worry. I’m going to keep taking a look around and maybe find out how they’ve maintained quarantine for so long
Well I got my answer and its not a good one. The NARU higher ups here basically outlawed being sick. Anyone with any symptoms that might be HRV-1 are immediately executed and burnt without exception I guess that’s one way to maintain quarantine but I can’t help but wonder how many thousands of innocent people have died to maintain it.
I think its about time I get out of here and back to Richie and Sandra.
I made it back to camp. I’m so happy to be back with Richie. He went out hunting and brought back a nice fat wild pig for dinner. Sandra is looking a lot better as well she still has that distant look in her eye but that should go away soon
Next stop Montgomery Alabama.
Chapter 10
The Road to Montgomery
I still can’t get it out of my head. The freaks are changing getting more dangerous, if I understand correctly the longer they are infected the more unstable the virus gets leading to mutations. I hope this doesn’t mean that the longer we survive the harder its going to get but there’s no point in worrying about whether or not the freaks are going to be stronger in the future as long as we make sure we get stronger too it should work out just fine. Richie and I are doing really well our love kinda makes everything a lot easier. Gives us a reason if that makes sense Sandra on the other hand is kinda dead weight if I’m being honest but its not her fault. She’s been through a lot Richie and I do our best to look out for her and take care of her. I just wish she’d start to adjust to life out here she still winches every time we take out a group of freaks or thugs and she’s a bleeding heart. Yesterday as we were going past a little abandoned convenience store we heard a little girl crying when we asked what was wrong she said they were trapped and needed help. It was obviously a trap we could see the store was fortified and the little girl looked too happy for a kid whose parents were stuck and dying but Sandra insisted we go in and help and what do you know the kids parents are perfectly healthy and holding us at gun point luckily I’m pretty quick on the draw and managed to put two rounds through the fathers chest and Richie tackled the mom. I walked up to the big dude and put one through the head to make sure the mom learns her lesson. We agreed to let her and her daughter live as long as the promised to stop robbing travellers. Sandra couldn’t handle the fact that I finished the dad off even though I think that was better than leaving his family to watch him bleed out because there was no way he would have survive I shot him through both of his lungs they would have filled up with blood and he would have chocked to death I did him a favour by putting him down but she didn’t see it that way even threatened to go it on her own until Richie and I told her to go ahead if she really thought it was the best thing for her. She then decided to stick with us
We’re nearly at the outskirts of Montgomery, we just passed the old civil rights monument. The roads been a bit too still I have a bad feeling about what we’re going to find when we get there

Hello everyone, I've recently encountered some troubles. I'm posting here to ask for your advice.
Our single-family home has a row of Arborvitae and a Japanese maple tree planted in our front yard, close to the boundary line with our neighbor. These trees are all on our property but close to the boundary. They were planted as baby trees five months ago. In February of this year, our neighbor mentioned to us that they didn't like the Japanese maple tree because they were concerned about its roots growing too long and crossing the boundary into their property, potentially affecting their underground water pipes. I agreed with their concern and assured them that I would work on finding a solution.
In April, I began contacting landscapers to help remove the Japanese maple tree, and on May 13th (yesterday), the landscaper and I removed the tree, roots and all. Upon removal, we discovered that the tree roots were already completely dead, and there was a strong smell of chemicals around the root area. The landscaper confirmed that the tree had been deliberately poisoned, causing it to die directly from the roots. I am deeply angered by this revelation, as it seems highly likely that our left-side neighbor is responsible. They had previously expressed dislike for the tree, and they regularly monitored it (which is recorded on my Ring camera). It's unlikely that someone else would have deliberately targeted only the Japanese maple tree for poisoning, especially considering that the other Arborvitae trees are still healthy. I am shocked and outraged by the malicious actions of our neighbor. How could they poison our tree without my consent, especially after I had already informed them in February that I was working on a solution? Furthermore, if they are capable of poisoning a tree, what might they do next? Poison pets or harm people?
I'm seeking advice on the best course of action now. I cannot move or change houses in the short term, and I may be forced to continue living next to this neighbor for several years. What would be the most advantageous approach for me in this situation?

Back when i had a screen time of 12+ hours daily, my eyes would get so dry and itchy to the point where i would physically scratch my eyes instead of rubbing. This caused scabbing then dark scarring on the corner of my eyes. It’s something I’m insecure about and hate seeing in photos. Are there any good products like (Anua nicinamide) that are safe and good for my issue on the corner of my eyes. I can dm photo to show you what i mean

My poor little boobies have been through some serious abuse and I've been told that once I'm all the way finished for awhile and the skin has time to shrink back that they do go back to looking at least a little closer to the original.
I have no idea though if my nipples will ever be ok again. I have 3 babies and decided that allowing them to self wean would be the best choice for us, so my oldest weaned shortly after his fifth birthday, my middle was done around his second birthday, and now I'm 9 months into nursing my baby with no idea how long she'll go. I had 8 months breastfeeding through pregnancy and then 2 years tandem. I actually sat down with a calendar and in the past 8 years, I have only spent a little under 22 non consecutive months neither pregnant or breastfeeding.
My oldest was a twiddler from hell, so I knew from the beginning to not even let the others start, but the 2 youngest are such horrible biters. My nipples now are like too long if that makes sense? They stretch way far away from my actual breast like freaking gumby and the dark brown of pregnancy has faded, but they're still darker than before kids. They look like they literally have calluses on them.
Do they shrink back down to normal size, return to their natural color, and maybe the calluses fade away? I'm having a hard time picturing like physiologically how a nipple would even be able to go back to normal. Did anyone else go back? Did the rebound seem to correlate in any way to the duration and severity of how they were treated?
I'm grateful I've been able to provide this for my babies and I don't regret doing what I believed to be the best thing at the time, but honestly in retrospect, I'm not sure if I would do the same thing again. I'm trying to focus on the benefits for them, but when I look at them (my boobs, not my kids) I just think of how much of a mental, physical, and emotional toll this has taken on me over the years and I get so sad by how ugly they've become. Please tell me there's hope eventually 😭

But that Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.
I miss you every day. In ways that I still have to let go of.
The random texts throughout the day when we still used to do that. The waiting for you to come home to give you a hug, one that you never seemed happy to receive in retrospect. The way you would eventually give in to my requests to cuddle or watch something when you had finished up your daily routine or exhausted yourself enough to need a break. The way your lips would pucker out as you exhaled after taking deeps breaths while you were starting to fall asleep. The way your hair smelt, the way the house smelt.
I miss Dex oh so much. I cry everyday over my lil fur baby boy. I know John gave him to you and he’s technically your cat but I raised that little bugger. when you were going back to the office and I was home alone writing my mixtape and doing breath work. He supported me and would lay next to me as I worked on rhymes and learned to calm my trigeminal. He would watch me spin in my ‘tism circles as I listened to the beat and came up with the words. I guess I just miss him extra now that I’m writing again. He’s not here to give me emotional support and I’m not there for you to come home to even if you did ignore me most of the time.
I would have given you all of my money if you had just paid more attention to me. Let’s be honest you don’t need my money never did but I don’t mind paying my fair share for things. I just couldn’t keep shelling out my hard earned money for an empty home. You were never there even when you were. Never present with me; always planning always going always saying how if I wasn’t broke I could do things with you. The truth is Lon, Eventually I just kept telling you I was broke because I was saving to leave. My needs, my wants, my concerns, my love languages were never important to you. Lord knows I tried to voice it, tried to make you see that emotionally connecting would only deepen and strengthen our relationship. But you can only meet me as far as you’ve met yourself.
Somewhere in between you invalidating my childhood trauma by telling me “you need to just go get help” and you cheating on me with the exact two people I asked you not to cheat on me with (since you decided my asking for a closure to our open relationship wasn’t really a valid request, even though I gave you years to explore) I had come to realize I had no value to you. Not at all. The only thing I was to you was a supplemental income, even if a tiny one. But if you couldn’t get that from me I wasn’t worth anything to you at all.
So in the end you made your decision for yourself. You are the reason I stopped paying for things, I stopped hanging out with you, your friends, and mine outside of the house (since you turned them all against me anyway with your painted pictures of “using you” and my “emotional instability”). News flash; true abuse and extortion can only come from a place of power downward. Did I say things that hurt your ego and brought to attention your emotional unavailability, yes, but that’s not abuse. How you made over 100,000 a year and still required my money when I was making less than 15,000 freelancing at the time is not only abuse but beyond me in conscious. Add on top of that you making fun of my dreams and telling me I’ll “never be a writer” or a lyricist and how “stupid” I am. If you really wanted me gone I wish you had just said so instead of playing mind games until I felt more and more unwelcome.
You want to look at me and say I am to blame and that we just grew apart. No Lon you tore us apart and now I have to stay away. When you chose to tear us apart you ripped certain seems in my core, in my character, in my being. Threads I had woven and sewn from our connection. I once thought I was safe with you, that I was uplifted by you, but as I tried to step into a more unmasked version of myself it became more and more of a hostile avoidant environment. It’s taken me almost three months of constant therapy to bring me back to who I am as a person and away from that scared subservient little boy you created to serve you.
It’s okay though it’s all you were demonstrated from your parents; just as all I was demonstrated was how to give all of yourself for someone who sees you as less. Therapy has opened my eyes to so much I know you know that as I tried my hardest to heal our connection. I hope as you continue therapy, if you’re even still going, that you start to do the real work of looking at yourself instead of just using our differences to justify our demise as a couple and team.
It hurts so much to write this and to know that even if I did send it to you I wouldn’t get a response beyond your defense mechanisms. In the end you’re just like my “best friend” of 16 years; if it ain’t your way you kick em off on the highway at full speed.
All in all I hate what you became to me, what you are to those who can’t benefit you in some way, but for some reason I still love you and I’ll always miss you. Not as much as Dexy boy :p But I’ll always love you enough to hope that you start to look in the mirror. And that when you do it’s long enough for you to actually see yourself and in turn that you might truly see the people around you and why they are really there.
With the last of my love, Z

Hello, it's my first time ever posting on Reddit. I am also German and pretty young (sqr of 225) so I'm sorry if my English isn't the best. I just want to share my story, be truthful for once and maybe get some advice. In September last year a couple of friends and I wanted to play a game of valorant, we were 4 and 5 are required to play the game. So I decided to join a random discord server and find someone to play with us. That someone was a girl, let's call her Lilly for simplicity, she was nice and I invited her to play with us. My friends were very young and I was the only one who spoke English semi fluently. After chatting, while actively playing the game, we exchanged names and got a bit acquainted. She is 1 year older than I am and she is from Canada. I kinda liked her and I was single for a couple of years, so I obviously was kinda attracted to her. It didn't really help that she had a very cute voice and the fact that she definitely was horny. Nothing happened, we won a couple of games and called it a day. We made plans for the next day though and started hanging out frequently. I think two days after I met her, my hamster passed away and she was the only one I really wanted to talk to. She comforted me and made me feel better. After a couple of weeks I finally confessed my feelings by asking her if she would consider being something more than friends. She was happy and told me that we can be more than just friends. I told her I loved her for the first time over text and she said it back, which really really made me extremely happy. After a week passed by, I asked her to be my girlfriend. This time around she rejected me but she still seemed to be incredibly happy with me asking her. A bit of time later we started saying I love you to each other constantly and we would hang out every second day. After getting mad at me for being bad in league of legends, which I btw just played for her, she abruptly hung up. I texted her and asked her if she was ok and she started telling me, she had BPD and that she was sorry for being mad at me. I read about it and researched for like two days and because she didn't really show any symptoms, I did the worst possible thing and forgot about it in a way. Our relationship was really good, we both enjoyed spending time with each other and basically behaved like a couple. We talked about it a couple of months ago and we both agreed, that we were basically dating. She started distancing herself and cancelling plans, by just ignoring me. I was hurt and forgot about her BPD, I don't only want to talk myself down, I might not like myself but it's still unfair to not mention how it affected me mentally, I was kinda miserable, that still doesn't validate my decision to play with her fear of abandonment. I didn't have any bad intentions but I still hurt her. My condition worsened too, I started having like 5 hours of sleep every day and I was constantly thinking of her. I failed to keep my facade up and I hurt my loved ones by not being myself. I feel so bad that I have hurt my parents, my two friends at the time and her. I still ask myself why I am so emotional about it, others experience way way worse and are still happy. I feel bad for having this urge to seek help, Lilly suffers through so much more. It really breaks my heart every time I have to think about that Anyways after she ignored me the morning of some day, I forgot to mention that I was waking up at 5am every day just to text her good morning or good night, she didn't reply at all. I was hurt and since our relationship was doing worse over the last couple of days, I started to freak out and texted her that I had a panic attack and stuff, which I immediately regretted a lot It was true but obviously a terrible move to make She replied, I apologized countless times and understood if she would have wanted to leave me there After like half an hour she told me "I am a bad word", I did the rational thing and told her she wasn't and that she shouldn't call herself that. Problem being she actually is She explained to me that she was throwing around with nudes I had a feeling in my gut that she was doing that for some time cause of little things she said along our relationship I should have left her. I didn't and told her either me or her hobby I even offered to fill the gap, I never actually wanted to be sexual with her ever I fantasized about it and liked it but I was and still am just not ready She never really chose and rather broke up a week later After another week she texted me again, we talked about it and decided to continue being friends but just friends We hung out once a month and spent some time texting every week I fell for her again, at least I think I did After I told her we could speak more often and that it would be ok for me, we spoke one more time and then I went to Egypt on a vacation I thought about her a lot I came home on Valentine's Day, texted her and didn't get a response She started ignoring me and randomly started sending me spicy pictures and gave me some attention I enjoyed the night but I felt bad for some reason We started texting a bit more frequently and she started ignoring me again I told her in a very sweet way I would like to move on And she came back I focused more on treating her right and started learning more about BPD, I fucked up once because I was trying to hang out with her and after I asked her quite frequently She got very mad at me We started texting and everything got better for a couple of days Someday she asked me if I'd like to hang out and I obviously said yes After a cold reunion, we had a good time, we played league and I was playing terrible in the last game, she wanted me to leave and so I did I text her, she ignored me But started saying back good morning and stuff Well for like 3 days, then she stopped I asked her if everything was ok She told me she didn't want to talk and I said ok but she could always text me She simply said she didn't want to I don't know if I misinterpreted it but I responded with a short explanation that I know it's not easy for neither one of us and that we were on a good way I also promised her to not text her I skipped a lot because I just don't remember details or don't want to bore you I'm so incredibly sorry for hurting her and for talking with friends over my relationship problems I hate myself so incredibly for it I don't feel any happiness anymore and every feeling seems to be so distant I shake very hard when I text her and I either always think of her or I catch myself avoiding her I hate myself a lot for everything, I just wanted to help her I wanted to be happy And I got heartbroken and made fun of by very close friends, I was getting bullied and I didn't get a single bit of appreciation ever in my life by anyone but my parents I don't think I deserve love I'm trying so hard to be who I'm supposed to be But I at least still appreciate life, so don't worry about me If you want to help, please give me some advice on what I should do and how I can actually go through with it
TL; Dr: it's about my relationship with my borderline partner and how BPD can affect both parties
Thank you for reading I hope I entertained you a bit, I would really appreciate any serious advice and I ask myself the question of I should just let her ignore me or text her

Do you ever have childhood nightmares or dreams? As for me, at a very young age, I always got nightmares whenever we watched something scary or even just a mention of ghosts. Where I grew up in the Philippines, there was this fantasy show that we watched as kids. Thinking about it now, it's kind of creepy. Whether it was about fairies or friendly ghosts, I still got creeped out and had nightmares about it. There was this nightmare of mine that traumatized me as a kid. You don't really remember your dreams until you're eating breakfast and it suddenly hits you that you had a nightmare before waking up. It's about this island. Imagine the town/island where the Teletubbies are. That one, but imagine it with brown grass instead of green, complete darkness instead of the baby sun, and instead of open space, it's filled with creepy trees. All I remember is running towards that forest and something chasing me. I couldn't look back and kept running. I could feel the trees snitching on my location until I stumbled over a big root of a massive tree. There's a scratch on my knee and I can feel it sting. With my petite body and out-of-breath lungs, all I did was stare at my bleeding knees. I wasn't crying, but I know I was scared. *Dum...dum...dum.* I could hear it, not in my ears but in my heart. It seems like my heart is synchronizing to the vibration. I still don't know what's out there, but I know I should be running away from it. I saw a silhouette walking towards me slowly. It's big, but not giant big. I close my eyes and then suddenly I am awake, lying down straight like a person in a coffin.
I never talked to anyone about my nightmares. It's normal to have nightmares, but the people around me are saying that it's not normal for a kid to sleep straight like a dead body. I never really took it seriously. I kept having weird nightmares of running in a dark place again. I still don't know who's chasing me. When you are a kid, you have very vivid memories of what your childhood was like. Mine is filled with nightmares. I did still enjoy my childhood and yet still able to be a 'normal' kid. I had plenty of friends, played in the street, and did such fun things. I still feel like something is missing and I tend to mix up memories with dreams. When you are a kid, you have such wild imaginations that you think it is real, but once you turn into an adult, you think that it's impossible for that to happen in the real world. That is just one of the nightmares that stuck in my head and that something I still dream about.
I remember having this dream, or perhaps something happened? Until now, it still confuses me, but here's how it goes. I was playing with my cousins and some of our friends. It was in the middle of the night, maybe 8 or 9 PM? I know it was dark, with streetlights shining through the street. Living in the busiest city in the Philippines, you would still see a bunch of people outside. We were playing hide and seek. I was thankful that I was not 'it' this time. As the seeker counted to 10, we all spread around and found a place to hide. I decided to hide behind a motorized tricycle, as we simply call them tricycles (just Google what it looks like). One of my friends came with me, but I told her to go away as I didn’t want to get found. She ran off and found another place to hide. I was chuckling, and I could still hear people around me talking and laughing, but in my mind, I just didn’t want to get caught. I didn’t hide far away from where the seeker was; I could still hear him counting 'and… 10.' Suddenly, everything went quiet. I was quiet too, as I didn’t want him to find me first. I crouched back behind the motorized tricycle, and I could hear him walking far away from me. I sighed with relief. I heard that he found someone far away, as I heard one of my cousins scream in excitement because the seeker found her.
I chuckled.
I didn’t hear any footsteps, but I could see a shadow coming towards me as the tricycle was parked just below a lamppost. I slowly moved around to avoid being found, circling slowly and getting into the rhythm of the shadow. Now, there was a gap inside the motorcycle where I could see the other side. I slowly looked through the gap and, to my surprise, saw a figure looking at me. I got startled, but I didn’t scream. I stood up right away, and to my surprise, I was back there again, on that island. The tricycle that was in front of me became a tree. Not just a tree, but a tree with massive roots that made me stumble in my previous dream. I was confused. Even now, as I think of it, I know it’s not a dream, but it's getting weirder. My first thought was 'Where are my friends?' The figure I saw earlier was gone. I got out from behind that tree and searched around the forest for an exit. As I was running, I could hear mumbling sounds. I was a kid, and my brain was controlling this stuff, so I went and followed the sounds. One sound seemed familiar—it was my friend's voice—but it seemed like something was stuck in her mouth; it was echoing through the forest.
As the sounds became clearer, my eyes couldn’t believe what I saw. My friends and cousins were tied to the trees, their mouths covered with tape. In my mind, I had to get out of there because I was scared as hell, but at the same time, I wanted to help them. I ran to my cousin first, and as I was going near her, a figure appeared behind her tree. It had eight hands like a spider, but it was brown and shaped like a cockroach. It had a face like a human—technically an image of a human in a cockroach-spider-looking costume. His or her face had makeup that blended with what it was wearing, and it was smiling towards me; I could see its yellow teeth.
"We've looked everywhere for you," it said while slowly coming towards me.
I couldn’t speak or move. I was so scared. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
"Now we can start the game," it said in the friendliest way possible. "I won't hurt you or your friends. I just want to play," it added.
Being raised to be nice to everyone, I nodded. I still wasn't speaking.
"Can I get a hug?" it requested.
I nodded again.
It hugged me, and I could feel all of its legs on my body. The thing I thought was its costume? It was actually connected to it. It was warm, and I just closed my eyes. I touched one of its legs, and it felt sticky. Suddenly, I woke up and saw my grandma's husband staring at me, telling me to wake up as it's time for school, and then he left. I saw my left palm was kind of sticky, sweat, I guess. That's all I can remember from that time. I went to school and lived the rest of the day as a "normal" kid, still thinking about that nightmare. Some of my dreams are not all nightmares; they are happy dreams too. But what's stuck with me is that every time I have a nightmare, it's basically a continuation of the other, but it only happens once I completely forget about it.
Later that same year, I dreamt about it again, but differently. I had already made friends with this creature. It seems that I completely accepted it, and I was not scared of it anymore, but I was not happy either. There was something about it that still seemed odd to me, but I was just not reacting to any of it. We would play tag, hide and seek, and other games. As I noticed the place getting darker and darker, I also noticed that a few of my friends who were in my dreams were getting fewer and fewer until it was just us. It still kept its attitude, lively and happy to play with me. I asked it, "Aren't you sad?" It just kept smiling for a good 5 seconds and slowly frowned, answering, "Why would I? You are all I need as a friend." Then it started jumping around like those mascots you see in kids' TV shows. I remained the same, not happy, not sad, but I went with its flow.
I also noticed that before I woke up, it hugged me, like saying goodbye and at the same time inviting me to see each other again. There was something about its hug too. I could feel the warmth of its eight legs covering my whole body and its breath around my neck. In my dreams, I kept touching at least one of its legs. It seemed that it became a habit, and I could feel it sticky. I woke up again in a straight laying-down position, and my hands were drying, but I could feel the wetness. Then my grandma's new husband was ready to take me to school again.
When I was 9, my mom decided that my siblings, my dad, and I would move to my mom’s side for 3 years before leaving the Philippines. It was my dad's side where I kept having nightmares. I don’t get those nightmares anymore. Sometimes I miss them, and sometimes I wonder if they miss me too. I stopped looking for them. I feel like they went away when I started going to church with my strictly Catholic grandmother. We had to wake up at 6 am to prepare for church, and every day for those 3 years, we had to pray at 7 pm for an hour. We knelt in front of the saints' statues, and my belief in God strengthened. I forgot about the nightmares. I lived like a normal child, had a great childhood, had a bunch of friends, and grew up to be a decent girl. My mom announced that we were all leaving for Canada, and I just remember being so excited about it.
I was 11 years old when I and my friends were playing outside my house. I know I was still a kid then, even if my grandma keeps telling me to stop playing as I am already a grown woman (culture things). Our neighbour's are like aunts and uncles to us; I play with their kids sometimes who're the same age as me. We are all close to each other, even the adults. They treat us as their own since my mom grew up with them as well. One of my neighbors, whom I called “Tito” (uncle in Tagalog), called me and asked me when we were leaving for the Philippines. I told him soon, and he told me how I looked like my mom. I told him how much I miss my mom and how I cannot wait to see her again. He gave me a hug, and then my world stopped. This hug looks familiar. I can feel his breathing around my neck and the warmth of his hug. His hands are playing on my back, slowly stroking it. I swallowed and told him that I had to go since my grandma was probably looking for me. He let go and smiled at me. I just felt tears running through my eyes, and everything came back.
I was SA when I was a kid. I was SA by my step grandfather at my dad’s side. I feel like throwing up, and I can feel everything crawling toward me. I remember the first time he did it. When my mom left, he started touching me. As a kid, I treated him as a monster and just created these scenarios in my head. Even my childhood friends saw it, but since we were kids at the time, what would they know? It was inside the motorized trycicle where he was touching all over, but he said that we were just playing hide and seek and that he found me. It was then that I was so ashamed to play with my friends, as I remember one of my cousins stopping coming over because he started touching her too. The place is my dark place. Now I remember everything. I was so mad and angry. I remember that I would wake up in those positions after he touched me and felt my whole body. And remember the sticky thing in my hands? Yeah, it was his semen that he wiped away before I got to sleep, which is why whenever I am about to wake up, he is almost always there.
Now that I am in my 20s, I have tried to move on, yet the trauma still lingers within me. That monster died a few years ago, and his last words to me were, “Do you still remember me?”. I never had a chance to confront him. I opened up about my experience to a couple of my friends and gave advice to those who have experienced it too. I help those friends of mine who are still experiencing it and assist them in getting out of that situation. My only regret is that I was too afraid. I used to blame myself, but not anymore. None of it is my fault; I was just a child. I was not strong enough to keep my peace, still thinking that it is all a dream for the sake of my peace of mind. I wanted to apologize to the kid in me for not protecting her during those times, but I will never let that happen again to anyone that I know of. I now live in Canada, working in an office and happily thinking that my monster’s body is burning in hell. Thank you for reading. Please always watch out for whoever is watching your kids, your younger siblings, as you never know even the very person you trust can do massive damage to your loved ones.
What happened to me is not a dream or a nightmare. It's reality.

Female, 29 years old, on Cymbalta, Amitryptyline for bowel issues
Most recent bloodwork:
https://ibb.co/Msr6GpH
https://ibb.co/kSRmN53
https://ibb.co/99VFjTw
https://ibb.co/bzH9V7F
Previous bloodwork showing some abnormalities:
https://ibb.co/VT7CHcG
https://ibb.co/GdYSFXy
Have had symptoms for 2 years, started as bowel problems and weight loss with no findings in tests (colonoscopy/gastroscopy/mri) and my weight levelled out.
Now I get bone pain and what feels like joint pain too, maybe a bit arthritic feeling. Sometimes deep in long bones of leg.
More recently, I also get rashes that come and go alongside recurrent staph boils. I sometimes wake up at night sweaty, usually when having vivid dreams. I’ve had night sweats on & off since 2018.
I’m a very anxious person and have OCD. I had a normal full blood count and protein electrophoresis. I had an incident of raised total protein, globulin, liver enzymes and lowered egfr but after a week my bloods were normal again. My WBC, platelets have always been in range and for the past 2 years have been between 6-8. Platelets are around 310.
Can I exclude any type of leukemia as causing my symptoms? I’m worried I could have chronic type that is not showing in bloods. This would explain all my symptoms I think so I’m worried sick.
Thank you

For background my wife Lola (38F) and I (37M) are swingers, we have rules and because of those rules it works in OUR marriage. Occasionally Lola will tell her childhood best friend Jessica (40F) about our crazy fun nights, which kinda lead to this ordeal.
So 3 years ago Jessica and her husband started going on a health kick and began drastically loosing weight, my wife and I fully supported this. Jessica would explain that she happily lost 85 lbs while her husband Rodger would complain that the diet makes him miserable he too lost about 45 lbs.
This went on for over 2 years and all things considered they both look amazing. But I noticed that they were getting distant towards each other.
One Friday night in January, Jessica called begging us to pick her up and get her out of her house (some type of trouble at home). So we drive over and instead of us coming in and saying hi to everyone she basically rushes out, saying Rodger was downstairs pissed and refused to come out.
We went to a local pool bar and when we’re asking what the deal was Jessica asks Lola to talk privately. I go to buy the next few rounds and when I come comeback Lola is noticeably shook, face is pale white. I try to press for information but get the “don’t worry about it” although Jessica does let a few thing slip throughout the night. Apparently she and Rodger haven’t had sex in a while and Rodger had started eating out again, constantly. We play our games, enjoy our drinks, then drop Jessica off her house.
Jessica asks me to talk to Rodger and try to cheer him up. Keep in mind I don’t know anything, so I get him a beer from the fridge and join him in the basement. I ask him what gives and instead of talking to me about the subject he brings up baseball stats and starts texting me.
“What would you do if your wife cheated on you? Jess has been having an affair, for over 2 years”
Realizing what he’s doing I start talking about the team’s short stop and wait for the next message.
“The bitch made me starve myself for years, just to make me a cuck. The only reason we’re on that stupid diet and going to the gym is because Jessicas fling wanted her skinny enough to pick up and pin to a wall” Swinger or not, I feel bad for any person who’s being cheated on.
Fast forward through the bulk of his texts, apparently he suspected Jessica of cheating, so Rodger installed security cameras without telling her. Then later that week he had proof, her co-worker Petter “came by to drop off some things” immediately after Rodger left for work, stayed for about 40 mins then left clothes all messed up. When Rodger got home he found used condoms in the trash and dirty lingerie in the hamper. That was roughly last September, in November he confronted her about “thinking” she was cheating, he explained that he wouldn’t ask if she was, but if she was and broke it off, they could do therapy to fix their relationship, basically giving her an out. However he got very depressed and the relationship just kinda fizzled out, keep in mind he was actively telling me this in January.
Apparently that morning Rodger had taken their kids out of school to go to the hospital for a paternity test. (Yes both kids are his, but that act of pulling them out of school caused additional drama) I did what I could to comfort him, asked what I could do to help. He typed he had everything under control but if he did eventually file for a divorce he asked I talk to his lawyer about him getting custody. I said yes and he told me he’d give me more info on Monday.
After that I had to go, my wife and I said our goodbyes then went back up our car. Lola immediately told me Jessica’s side of the story, because yeah we don’t keep secrets at all. Apparently Jessica wanted to be swingers like us. Lola’s stories inspired Jessica to ask Rodger he said no.
Rodger is apparently very Vanilla “missionary only and only for reproduction” kinda guy. And that was ultimately what caused Jessica to cheat with Petter, who did not love her back just liked having a regular FWB.
We both talk about them while driving home and I showed Lola all the texts from Rodger. Which ultimately caused us to fight. Lola got mad at me for saying Rodger was a Victim because Jessica cheated, she forced him to go on a crazy diet and join a costly gym just to further her affair, and that he is justified in demanding a paternity test for their two kids. Additionally if he want to file for divorce that’s understandable but Lola felt Jessica was the Victim (or about to be one) because Rodger went behind her back to conduct the paternity test and his due to depression eventually making it their sex life non-existent, if he wants to try and rebuild their relationship he needs to follow through with the “adult time”. And she says that regardless of the reason behind it the diet did get them in better shape, a the ends justifies the means kinda thing.
Eventually Lola told Jessica that Rodger was thinking about it and that caused a big fight at their house, Rodger left and stayed at his parents house for the weekend. Monday came and went and he didn’t tell me anything so I assumed they tried to repair things.
That following Thursday, Rodger served her divorce papers while she was at work. And he had told Jessica boss about affairs mentioning he had videos proving it (multiple, all 3 months worth of Petter visiting prior to him confronting her, and one dated afterward when she “stopped” seeing him ) Peter and Jessica were both fired shortly after as part of a breach in contract due to inner office relations.
Lola keeps saying I need to help Jessica, since she’s a single mom of two and is about to be homeless and unemployed, apparently since the divorce Jessica’s entire family found out the full details (to include that we’re swingers and have distance themselves from all of us, it’s a small community so the gossip spread around) and no one is helping Jessica except my wife.
It is now May and they have fully divorced. Rodger is finally talking to me again, for a while he assumed we’d played with his wife which I explained no we haven’t. We brought it up once long before they were dating but decided she’s too much of a friend that she’s almost family and it’d be weird. He now has partial custody and although he lost most his things in the divorce, they agreed to sell their house although she’ll get the higher percentage. I took Rodger to find an affordable 3 bedroom for when he has the kids.
My wife says I’m being sexist only helping the guy because I’m a guy. However I feel he is a complete victim here. Regardless what a judge says, his wife cheated and ruined their family. I’m unsure if he went too far by serving her papers at work, he definitely should’ve told her boss about who the other man was but yeah overall I think he’s the victim.
AITA for siding with Rodger?

Hi im called Rich. Im a 31 year old guy living with my demented grandmother. She is 95 years old. Ive been living and taking care of her since i was 17 agter my mom passed away. I dont have a father since he died when i was 3 months old. Living with my grandmother is hell. Abuse after abuse. She is also a narcissistic person but the dementia made her worse. She also has alzheimers and forgets stuff. Alot of stuff but does not forget faces and names yet. We are currently homeless but arein the process of goign into our new home which has 2 bedrooms. We previously lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and i had to dleep right nextto her everyday. Not something i wanted but it was needed considering our situation we were in back when looking for a home fast.
We are currently at my aunts house whos grandmas daughter and she has done things to help us while i was taking care of grandma. It was actually her responsibility to do it but because i was living with grandma and i was only 17 and didnt know much of what to do, i stayed with grandma till one day i said i had enough. I have cried for years to her and others abiut this but never really took her away from me. I didnt have a job because she kept saying i didnt have tocause she pays for everything which i always was grateful for and her teChing me how to cook etc and didnt want me to leave her so i didnt get a job for a long time due to living with her, preventing me from working on myself jobwise.
Im a shy guy so that can explain why too but also because grandma has instilled fear in me. Fear of people. And wanted to keep using me as a puppet. I would help her with evwrything i could yet she would still find ways to make me a bad guy. My life got worse to the point i wanted to even commit suicide but i did not because i needed to keep telling myself to not give into those thoughts that everything will get better.
Forward to now, like i said we are gonna be moving into our new home. Ill be getting my own bedroom finally after years of not owning one and that makes me realt happy cause i get my privacy finally. I am also going thru therapy because of the abuse i ealt with for years coming from grandma. All mental abuse. She has been diagnosed with dementia and alzheimer and im doing all the best i can to keep us afloat so we wont run out of money for food etc that we need. Thanks to my therapy i have managed to be better,control my emotions better and not react to her complaints.
We are dealing with my aunt because we are in her house for 3 weeks till our new home us ready since we had to leave the previous one, who is her daughter, not having much patience for her own mother the way i have patience for grandma. I believe its because in her childhood grandma has done things towards her daughter that made her have this sort of a rage towards her and still to this day. She does not like us being here but we had nowhere else to go and it is for only 3 weeks till the house i ready and so far we have been dealing with clashes between those 2 and im really tired.
Im posting this as more of a rant cause i know what to do and that is moving into the new place which is gonna be 10x better than before and i can actually now focus on working on jobs much better. Its jsut that i want my want to be more patient with her mother because she is demented and forgets a lot. Especially around money and cannot handle that anymore and ive been the one to be doing it for years.
Thanks to my therapy and being able to contrl my anger and my other emotions better, ive als decided to forgive my grandma for everythign shes done. I know its hard to still be with her but i have a more of an open mind abiut this now that im going thru therapy and it makes me think much clearly now and ahead.
My aunt wanted to throw her in a home against her will and i was not ok with that because i wanted to give her the professional help she needs and help her get into a daycare so she can havemore people to talk to andbe less lonely. My aunt did not like that at first but because everyone else agrees with me on this, she had no choice but now she wants to put rules and stuf yet she wasnt the one that took her mother in her home and took csre of her. It was all on me to do it because she saw the chance that she didnt have to take care of her herself and that i was wiling, she threw it all on me. So now im dealng with my aunt trying to make all these rules and things and even insulting me saying im not fit for takign care of grandma yet she is the one with all this rage towards her own mother.
I really feel like my aunt needs therapy at this point to help her with the rage but i cant force her in any way to do it and i will never do that. Its all on her now and i hope that during the time we are in her house she can be more patient with her mother and me. We pay her for food and power and water already which is no issue. The issue is the clashes between these two and its annoying me.

I might just be big braining but please listen what if the apocalypse is not an event but a someone. As most people know when the apocalypse appears it’s four horseman will appear first. Death War Conquest Pestilence or Famine
In COI we can see that Lumian will fight for the red priest position but also try fight for circle of inevitability to try revive Aurore. We know that Salinger failed to take the red priest pathway and merge it with river of eternal darkness which now sealed even evernight goddess dosen’t have control of it.
As we all know to become a GOO you need a Sefirah, plus the Uniqueness and at least one Sequence 1 Beyonder Characteristics of each Pathway in the group.
Here where my theory comes in as you know the four horseman usually always have something to do with the apocalypse. I believe they already appeared with the four emperor Death - Salinger - Death War - Alista - Red Priest Conquest - Trunsoest - Justiciar Pestilence or Famine - Solomon - Black emperor
I believe that Lumian would combine these 4 pathway with the COI pathway and merge them with the City of Calamity and create a new great old one The Apocalypse
what would happen to roselle and what happens to demoness pathway?
I think black emperor pathway could be replaced with the abyss pathway. I think evernight will definitely get involved with the demoness pathway somehow
I just want to know your thoughts on my idea ?

Please forgive me if cross posting isn't allowed, first timer. Surprised he didn't post it here.

These last few days have seen the most extreme price run since, arguably, the "Sneeze" of January 2021. There is a major difference, though, which is regarding the Regulation SHO Threshold List. To remind you, a stock is included in this list if meeting the below critieria:
https://www.sec.gov/investopubs/regsho.htm
"Threshold securities are equity securities that have an aggregate fail to deliver position for five consecutive settlement days* at a registered clearing agency (e.g., National Securities Clearing Corporation (NSCC)); totaling 10,000 shares or more; and equal to at least 0.5% of the issuer's total shares outstanding."*
So what happens if a stock makes it onto the Regulation SHO Threshold List?
"If a participant has a failure to deliver that the participant can demonstrate on its books and records resulted from a long sale, or that is attributable to bona fide market making activities, the participant must close out* the failure to deliver by no later than the beginning of regular trading hours on the third consecutive settlement day following the settlement date."*
What if they are unable to do so, and the FTDs continue for some time without resolution?
"if, for whatever reason, a participant of a registered clearing agency has a fail to deliver position at a registered clearing agency in a threshold security for 13 consecutive settlement days, the requirement to close-out such position under Rule 203(b)(3) remains in effect."
I still don't think anyone can precisely say what really happened behind the scenes in late 2020 and early 2021. But we do know certain facts:
▪︎ GME was added to the Regulation SHO Threshold List on 8th December 2020
▪︎ It continued to be on that list throughout the rest of December and early January 2021
▪︎ The share price remained relatively stable for more than 20 trading days during this period
▪︎ Only then on 13th January 2021 did the share price blow up to start the "Sneeze"
▪︎ Meaning that although the stock being placed on the list was undoubtedly causing some kind of intense pressure on failing-to-deliver institutions...it did not impact the share price for many weeks
So what is this key difference between those mechanics 3.5 years ago, compared to what may be happening with GME now? In my opinion, it is the continued absence (at least up until yesterday) from the Regulation SHO Threshold List:
https://www.nyse.com/regulation/threshold-securities
Since Monday 13th May, hundreds of millions (now billions?) of shares have been traded of this stock. But even before that, the price did nearly double from Tuesday 23rd April through to last Friday 10th May. This kind of volatility indicates that there has been a battle raging, most likely with nefarious parties continuing to use illicit methods to try and keep the price from exploding more than it already has. With almost all the methods they can employ, we know there is one result is: more FTDs.
My guess is that at some point - perhaps even this evening - GME gets added to the Regulation SHO Threshold List. Despite all the hoodwinking and crime they use to avoid these things, it would be surprising to me if the stock stays off the list indefinitely. Certainly the volume and pattern of trading over these last two weeks, and especially these last two days, would indicate there is a high probability of that happening.
But we know from 2020-21 that even after being added to the list, it still takes some time for that inclusion to have an impact on the share price. That is, until sufficient pressure through market and legal mechanics has built up, such that it "forces" some of these institutions to try and close out these FTDs. (We know that, sadly, nothing really can "force" them...but at least compelling some of them to do so, let us say...)
However this price run that started originally on Tuesday 23rd April has been occurring with the absence of GME from the Regulation SHO Threshold List. So quite possibly the very thing that triggered the massive price run-up in January 2021, has not even happened yet this time around. Hence if we are already on a 500% price run before possibly being added to the list...and that then this triggers additional intense pressure on the Hedge Funds and Market Makers...just imagine what could happens next???
TLDR: GME's recent price surge is unlike the January 2021 "Sneeze" in one key aspect: the Regulation SHO Threshold List. Back then, GME was on the list for weeks before probably causing the eventual price explosion. This time around, GME has not been placed on the list (yet), despite similarly very high trading volumes and likely additional FTDs. So could we then see an even bigger surge if GME gets added to the list? Only time will tell, but all this may just be an aperitif before we even get to the appetiser!