Birthday poems to make you cry

I (30M) am interested in a 23F. This started when my friend mentioned me while talking to her and sent some pictures, to which she replied that I was good looking. So he sent me some of her pictures, with her telling him to send me some concrete pictures and I told him she was gorgeous and that if she was interested he could give her my phone number. So he did and she wrote me in WhatsApp. To clarify, I've only talked to her in WhatsApp and she is the best friend of my friend's girlfriend.
We started to talk and have good conversation. I was told by my friend that this girl broke up two months ago after a two year relationship but my friend asked me the first day already if I'd like to have a romantic relationship with her, while she has stated in numerous times since then that she needs time to heal from that break up. That first day I talked to her about this circumstance and told her that I didn't bother to chat with her and that I didn't want to speed up anything.
But after a week or so I was uncomfortable with the situation because my friend was asking everyday "how it's going with her" or insisting that I talk to her after a one day absence while I wasn't seeing any signals from here that she was attracted to me so I told her that my friend had messes up things and that maybe we shouldn't chat further. She got mad and blocked me but my friend talked with both, convinced me that she was interested in me, so she unblocked me and we continued to talk.
After that, we continued to talk for another week and I started to like her more. But when she asked me to send her my reactions to her pictures from the first day, she just replied "thanks you". She didn't make me any compliment and eventually changed the subject of the conversation. She was still talking to my friend about me and sending him some of our conversation screenshots.
That made me a bit angry so I told her that she could be confident with me and that she didn't have to tell everything to my friend. I also tell her that I was told by my friend that she was attracted to me but I wasn't being given any signals by her of this. She insisted that she was post break-up and that she wasn't going to simply fall in love.
I talked to my friend and his girlfriend and they told me that I needed to go slowly but I replied that I was doing that from the start, but that I needed something to keep me interested in that possible relationship and that I was knowing of all that supposed interested by her from what he was telling me, not directly by her.
They tried to convince me of her interest by telling me that she wouldn't have unblocked me the previous time if she wasn't interested, or chatting me everyday when she works Mon-Sat during almost all day. Or about her will to meeting me in person. I told them that I was going to continue talking to her but that I'd lose romantic interest if time passes without any signals from her.
So I decided to continue chatting with her and so I did. More than a week after that, I chat with her more than before and I think we're develop in trust and good feeling but I don't see any signals of that supposed attraction or interest in having a romantic relationship with me. Talking about favourite colors she took the chance to send me some groul pictures with her and he again replied my moderate compliments with "thanks you". I sent her some group pictures where I was present and she didn't say anything about my appearance and also changed the subject of the conversation.
This girl continuously talks about her best friend's relationship and all her boyfriend does for his friend. She is very close to her friend and they share everything. She mentioned his ex boyfriend negatively a few times as well , as her break up was a very bad one as she was cheated on by her ex. There has been always the conversation about meeting me in person but she doesn't have much time, she uses to spend her only free day in the week with her family.
So now I'm wondering what she really wants because some of my friends are telling me that my friend has been confusing things and that she probably only sees me as a colleague while my friend keeps talking about that possible relationship and her supposed interest in having one with me.
She cried when I was talking about stopping talking with her and she has a personalized background in our conversation in WhatsApp with her profile picture with a song about finding light in a new person after darkness. She always answers very fast and message by message to me and has developed a lot of confidence because she has told me some personal experiences and private things about her best friend etc.
So what does she want?

I elected to let the Animus decide for me, but I thought it would switch genders much more frequently. I’m about 30 hours in, 62 power level, I just completed my first alliance, and have completed numerous side quests, but the Animus has kept the gender female the whole time. I like female Eivor just fine, so I’m thinking I’ll just switch it to always female. Seems like it will be a bit jarring at this point whenever it finally changes. But I’m wondering if anyone completed the game letting the Animus choose the whole time, and if you liked it that way or if you would have done it differently. I’m curious to hear anyone’s thoughts on this. Also, here are a few unrelated observations.
-The way the storylines and interactions are necessarily gender neutral make it somewhat wholesome with how egalitarian it portrays this society (a woman leading a raid crew, numerous pseudo romantic encounters with other women, etc.) if not a bit ahistorical. A quick google search tells me there’s debate on whether female Vikings existed, which seems to imply it’s at least a strong possibility. I learned recently that one thing the Romans found peculiar about the Celts was how the women in many tribes had (comparatively at the time) so many rights. Maybe the creators of this game were trying to channel a similar dynamic.
-This is my first time playing an AC game. One criticism I’ve heard is that it isn’t much of an AC game. I understand that critique from what I knew about the franchise beforehand. As someone just getting into it now, the few directly related AC storylines are super fun to me, and I’ve found myself diving into the lore I’ve missed out on.
I played for about an hour on PS4 before my wife and our friend surprised me with a PS5 for my birthday. I was then pleasantly surprised with a free PS5 upgrade for AC Valhalla. It was pretty on the PS4, but it is absolutely stunning on the PS5. It has me wanting to upgrade to a bigger and newer TV.
How the hell do I keep my addiction to this game in check? It has been decades since a video game has ensnared me like this. I am staying up too late, getting to work late, and not spending near as much time in the lovely spring weather as I ought to. This is my one complaint so far lol.

Born to write
"May the 14th is more important than my own birth date to me. It marks the event that gave my life a purpose other than just having it. If my arms weren't tied behind my back by the limits of our relationship I would give you anything, anything my body and my mind will allow. Tell me every birthday wish you've had in 42 years and I'll want them as much as you, I'll make them happen - I know your family loves you , but I adore you to the point of forgoing my conscience, and my human limits. Before you, I was a stray dog about to die on the street corner, and you reached your hand out to stroke me. I am not sure how else I can explain the sheer desperation to my devotion and loyalty. If you need a chef, a hitman, or a punching bag tonight, text me. I'm outside your door already."

The first season of a reality show is the only one where the “experiment” can happen authentically, and every other season is simply a reproduction and expansion of the original experiment. They’re inherently less raw and real. This is especially true in the first reality shows of the early 2000s. ANTM cycle 1 will always be my favorite simply because it’s the blueprint. No forced catchphrases, manufactured drama, ridiculous photoshoots, contestants clout chasing, etc.

• Just the way that season looks makes me feel nostalgic. The lower quality of the film, the makeshift judging room, etc. It has a documentary / social experiment vibe that can’t be replicated. It feels like you’re watching real people aspiring to become models, no gimmicks. So many reality TV shows today feel like battle of the influencers.
  
• The drama was not overly manufactured and occurred naturally due to social dynamics. The separation between the religious women and nonreligious (Robin, Elyse), differing levels of maturity (Giselle, Ebony), etc created genuinely interesting conflicts and dynamics. Hooow excellent … excellent ..
  
• The early ANTM seasons also make me yearn for when natural beauty was more embraced in the world and there were a variety of exquisite looks. Not a bunch of copies of the same “Instagram face” or women’s bodies as mere trends that come and go.
  
• I don’t love the homophobia displayed by Robin and Shannon, but older reality TV seasons serve as a time capsule later on that is deeply interesting to me. It reflects how the world was and how things have changed. Something similar happens in season one of Survivor with 72 year old homophobic veteran Rudy and Richard Hatch, an openly and unashamed gay man becoming allies and friends. The episode where Ebony’s girlfriend visits the house is so beautiful to me and almost makes me cry because of how sweet it is.
  
• This is a random moment that I’ve always loved, but when Kesse is eliminated and all the models and the judges cry. Elyse comforts Adrienne who is curled up on the couch with mascara all over her face. It’s so raw and real.
  
• I love the music in this season as well. After the first elimination, a Simon and Garfunkel song plays. When Adrienne and Elyse stay the night in the hotel in Paris and it switches to show Robin and Shannon back at the house with this melancholic, atmospheric music playing.
  
• Every model has such a unique personality that adds to the overall drama and dynamic of the competition. Elyse’s intelligence and sense of superiority, Adrienne’s stoner vibe, Shannon’s naivety, who clearly wants Robin’s approval. I love Ebony’s confidence, and she provided the first “this isn’t a sorority” type quote. Kesse was so sweet and beautiful. Even Nicole opting out of a reward to go fight with her boyfriend is like a proto-Shandi moment. “You go home and you do what? Work at Burger King?”
  
• So many iconic quotes arose naturally. Elyse’s rant, how excellent (with ebonys side eye), and bind satan Jesus, I saw them go round and round and up and down, etc.
  
• I also like how Tyra wasn’t at the forefront of this cycle. Tyra plasters her face and inserts herself everywhere in future seasons because omg it’s Tyra Banks!!! Yes the girls in future seasons want to become models, but I think there’s an element of wanting to be apart of the ANTM world that hadn’t been crafted yet in cycle 1.
  

This was just a personal ramble about why I love cycle 1. Cycle 2 still has some level of novelty but the novelty is bound to wear off at some point when a show continues and the world becomes more polluted with shitty reality TV. That’s why the vibe of cycle 1 is so iconic and could never be replicated and a similar effect couldn’t be achieved. It has a special place in my heart and feels historical to me. It also sends me back to my early 2000s childhood and I love anything that can make me feel that way.

I (33F) work in supply chain as a key account manager - Formerly at a mid size freight brokerage. I came in, made great relationships, increased rev, knocked it out of the park.
My main problem was my ever topsy turvy, hot and cold relationship with my direct manager (36M). Volatile AF. This wasn't limited to me - he was open about his bipolaadhd/anxiety and being "unapologetically crass" - but was working on ironing himself out to some day be considered for a director role. I was helping him - where he could teach me more about sales, I was teaching him how to evolve into more of an executive presence. We mentored each other. Our relationship slid into him often referring to me as his little sister. I didn't particularly like this because as a female in our industry, it's tough enough to elevate ourselves. I would shake my head no and laugh, "If I get to choose my brother, you're not it!" Just ribbing each other.
Anyway, when he was good he was really good. But that was usually for 3 hours a week. The rest of the time, a narcissistic bully with main character syndrome. I cried a lot with the stress. My husband said "Without context, this is an abusive bf/of relationship." We'd have rough days, and he'd send walls of texts that evening to tell me I'm his homegirl, and we're going to make it to a billion in revenue together. I was in his imaginary crew, whether I liked it or not. But it was beneficial to stay close to him - he is the longest tenured employee besides the founder... his antics are known, but he holds power.
Without going into too much detail, I quit without notice, and my COO asked that he really wanted to know more, and if I'd agree to an exit interview with him. Yes. So, I pointed out that my manager was my reason for leaving. I brought bullet points and dates that I had talked to him about his behavior. I laid it on him. He was disappointed to hear it all, lose me because of it, etc. I also informed him that this manager did everything in his power to disolve trust in our HR department - said to bring everything to him first even if it's not on his team. He was also our CEOs "dog" I will call him (this is disrespectful and mean but the only way to describe the nature of their relationship.) I never reported his behavior.
Anyway, I left, and since this manager has reached out twice - once that same week I left to ask me how I was. And again, today, 2.5 months later, "Random I know but I thought of you and wanted to check in on ya - all going well?"
I am curious what other managers may read this as: A) Narcissistic attempt to get a response and feel some semblance of control over me still B) Trying to poke for information in order to determine non-compete litigation C) GENUINE care for how I am doing, and I should respond to maintain this professional relationship even though I don't want to D) Wild card

I..Holy...well.. Holy yakmel. Wow. I cannot find words to describe how much i love this game. I had computer issues and had to stop playing until it came out on switch (this was around act 2 so never made it to act 3 prior to this) and then school took up a lot of time. So I've now made it through a good chunk of act 3 (just did the quest with the new algae apparatus) and..knowing it's almost done is almost bitter sweet. I'll likely replay over and over, though nothing will ever feel like the first time. My builder has her yakboy (though I wish he had more quests to give more quests to show of a progression between friendship, lovers, and marriage, and some nice post marriage quests; even some that involve joining at the outpost and maybe officially being on his monster hunter team with dialogue for doing so either as friend or as lover; heck id pay for that). Things are looking up. Heck I'd happily pay for a big DLC story that expands the game (including the aforementioned things above; i would pay for all of those). But I also know it all depends on how feasible it is for you, the developers. And the game itself is still beautiful. Though there's thing I want, I will not demand or expect them (theyre just ideas that if it is possible, i think would be neat). I love the game for the beautiful masterpiece it is regardless.
This has taken the top spot for me. It is my favourite game of all time. And it had a lot of good titles to beat for that. I loved Portia when I played it too but Sandrock just hit.. it hit different. The story, the voice acting, everything. It made for such an immersive experience that even though I know it's not real, some of those scenes..they still FELT real(ish). Heck I even cried at times (which I know probably sounds weird but it's just a testament to how amazing the people who worked so hard on this game did be it in the development of the story or in the voice acting or the art).
So I guess this is a very long way of saying..thank you. To the whole team. The devs, artists, writers, and voice actors. And everyone else involved. Thank you for making a game that takes it's genre and pushes the bounds of cozy gaming. I'll be really sad when it's over and, like I said, there's obviously things I think it would be cool to add.. but it's still just so beautiful and its.. its just so good. Thank you so much, to the team who is responsible for Sandrock 🩶

Hey people,
sorry for the dramatic title but it is just the truth. This will be a little bit personal and maybe get longer then I want, but I have the little hope that sharing it in detail will help me find the right answers.
I produce music since 6 years now. I live music since 6 years. On good days music made me finally want to live life and have a passion. On bad days I would say I inject myself with music since 6 years. And I don't build up a tolerance as you can make a new drug (different beat, style) every day. This results in like 150 almost finished tracks, because it's more fun to mix a new drug then consume the rest of the day before.

This situation on itself is hard on me already as it hurts really bad that I don't have all those tracks ready to go (even if its just on my soundcloud). The bigger mindfuck is another thing tho. Every single one of those tracks gets high praise by my friends and random encounters at afterhours or similar events. I am not obnoxiously pushing my music in those situations, but when people come to after at my place and see all my equipment they're curious. And all the music I made is made for this moment to be honest. Empy mind sinking in the couch after a rave, just flying with the music. I've literally showed some randoms some tracks and they hugged me afterwards and thanked me for that experience.
And that is why it is a problem for me to ask for feedback and stuff in a sober, normal situation. You can't feel that music like its supposed to when you listen to it on 6 pm just coming from work and being all aware^{^} You know what I mean? But I can't ask everyone to please give me feedback after listening to it after a rave. But on the other hand I can't really accept feedback if the person didn't hear it in the right setting...

So why do I write this post? I dj'd quite a few times before. Always small birthday partys or really small outdoors. Now this friday a friend of mine is celebrating his birthday and booked a real venue, with real club speakers and estimates a 150-200 people. He know my music, he ( like almost all of my friends) praises my music and wants me to do whatever I want from 4:30-6:00 am. Now I am sitting here, with my tracks that are shoddily mastered (you instantly see it in rekordbox), have weird low end sometimes and are just a wild mix of techno. How do I proceed? I am expected to play many tracks of myself, and I played on rather big speakers before. The sound is not horrible but it is not quite stellar too. But even when I played the most muddy stuff nobody stopped dancing and every set I've played yet was praised by the dancers (and not only my friends). Do I just "master" them even more, so they're atleast loud and I don't have to abuse the eq and trim and just yolo? Do I just play the few tracks I am sure will sound really good mixing wise? It's is so hard for me to accept mixing feedback, as when I wake up from the trance after making a track, it is this eternal thing that made it and I am not eliglible to interfer with that.. damn, am I just crazy?

On one hand I think all my tracks are really, really good for the right context. I payed multiple semi-professionals to listen to them and they all said it's good work and ready for the world. On the other hand I think they're metaphorical drugs, and only good if you're up for taking drugs (like in the after). Not everyone at this party will be up for a deep dream. Not every track is 1A standard which scares me. Having this huge, huge library of tracks where in one second I think they're all masterpieces ( which gets fed by the great feedback I get all the time.. but theyre just being nice ;-)....) and in the next second criticize them so hard at the same time fucks me up. Maybe someone is willing to listen to 4 tracks of mine which show the whole spectrum and how different is? The kicks punch so differently because the songs differ so much, it's not like just 100 hard tech tracks or anything... even if they're the same loudness, can I even play those tracks in one set ?? I already did and it worked but it's a conspiracy haha x.x

Can anybody help? Not just about the party, but the whole problem. How can I get out of this? My tracks from a few years ago are haunting me because they're so full of emotion but not finished and ready to play. Everything haunts me expect a new beat lol. Sorry for the probably very confusing and chaotic text, but it is a good reflection of my mind :7 Thanks to everyone who reads through that. I read it 3 times now and always want to change things just making it worse, like when I try to go back into a old track lol.

This is a song about difficulties in a relationship
Hey ey ey ey ey
ey ey ey ey ey
ey ey eeeeeey
Your love makes me feel like there's stars in the sky
Even when there's daylight and you can't really see them
When I'm with you, I feel doxxed, in a good way
You know when I smile
I know when you cry
But in every sky there's problems
We got problems and we got to do something about that
My heart is broken
And just because your breathing, don't mean your alive
If Albert Einstein never got hit by an apple would he be alive
It's important to remember the water fountain
Oooooooooooooooooooh
Water fountain
Ooooooooooooooh
But what about the 20 kids suffering in Africa
A country that needs savior
We must do what we can
I'm your biggest fan
I love you sometimes but
It's important to remember the water fountain
Oooooooooooh
The water fountain will be remembered
Bye eye eye eye eye
Eye eye eye eye
eye eye eeeeeye

Yesterday I had another eye appointment (my like 5th in the month of may). Except this time I thought I was finally done with everything after following the prescription from my ER visit. I go to this appointment, pressures are back down to just barely out of normal range (but at least they match each other). And so I expected for the doctor to maybe just tell me to taper off the medicine or finish the dose or whatever.
When he talked about a follow up appointment I tell him I have a "reduction" surgery on Wednesday (I live in the south). And he asks if I can just move it. Who does that?! Obviously if the surgery is in 2 days I've already been preparing for it for a long time. I told him I don't know if we can move it since it's so soon (and I don't fucking want to do that) and he calls my surgeon!!
Also some of what he said felt a little like fear mongering, but maybe that's a reach. Even when my last doctor (who granted gave me a very bad option of medicine) wanted me to go to the er he wasn't talking about me losing receptors in my eyes. Hell I didn't even know how high my eye pressure was ER day until I was in his office.
So for the last 24 hours I've had no clue if I'm going to get surgery tomorrow morning. They moved me to a different office, and the new office's number sends you straight to voice-mail. I left a voice mail this morning but my pre op instructions didn't say to call them until after 3pm.
I'm just not sure how to cope with all this uncertainty. I keep fucking crying which isn't good for my eye pressure either (it's not that big of a deal but I'm feeling very dramatic). I have so much I need to get done before surgery (if I'm having it) but I can hardly get out of bed cause I feel miserable.
It's hard because this entire process feels like it keeps slipping out of my hands the moment my fingertips reach. And how hard is it to make a phone call? Damn.
Anyways thank you for coming to my Ted talk, fuck optometrists.

I found this forum and I'm new to reddit, so forgive me for being confused not knowing how this works. I know this seems sort of weird or even funny. It's more so how why he wasn't able to be honest with me but in the same time, I also wasn't.
I(60m) have been dating my boyfriend(58m) since we were 17 and 15. We've grown up together with our families living close and our parents accepted for who we are. However, I've been holding a dark secret to my boyfriend for our entire lives, and I don't know how to come clean.
The guilt always eats me up at night. When we sleep, we always cuddle and he always lays his head on my chest as I play with his hair. When he lays down, my heart sinks and that is because... I'm actually bald. I've been wearing a wig and there was one occasion my wig almost flied away during a windy day to the point my boyfriend asked me why I always had my hand on my head. I just told him my hair is blocking my view. Well.. you know why.
Anyway besides me joking trying to make this situation less stressful, I decided enough was enough. I've been crying all day, night. Even the weekends are so horrible that I decided to confess to him. We both cried. Hugged. He told me I'll always be his partner and I shouldn't feel insecure. As I've said, bullying was pretty traumatic. It probably seems dumb, but it really scarred us. But here is another thing.
He's also bald. When this came out, I did not know how to feel. I felt betrayed but in the same time, I understood his fear being judged. While growing up, we both got picked on. We had weird nicknames but were always picked on. Even once put in a locker. It was that bad. I had love for my friend now boyfriend and we were there for each other during our hardest times. High school was the worst, but we made the best out of it being there for each other.
With this new change, I have mixture of emotions. How can we accept this new change?we both feel betrayed and hurt, but we also understand each other's view point why. It's a lot for us right now. Any advice would be appreciated.

Since today would be our dear nuke fish´s birthday, I wanted to reflect on her path and her story as well as ask for your opinions
Zebrica was released almost 2 years ago (yes it has been that long already) and Posada is still talked about more than most other Zebrica character, So I thought was it all justified ? (my flair says yes) and what exactly is making Posada so popular. So lets look at her path first from a Gameplay perspective first.
Her path is quiet long and even with foresight will normally take till 1018-1020 (putting warplan Hydrogen aside) depending on if one managed to research the tech early and get those 50 nukes for the sunset test. The path consist of essentially 3-4 years of building up, 1 big war and a couple of smaller wars and lots of events. Now for that 11-13 years of Gameplay that is clearly not enough wars to fill the years with exciting gameplay, however the path massively buffs the amount of volunteer division you can send, mediating this issue somewhat. Still I would say if you want to have fun with the navy hippogriffia is one of the few nation where you can find it. Posadas path also features no minigame/unigue mechanic, which seems like a missed opportunity, however at the same this makes Posadas path much more Accessible and beginner friendly, for compaision some paths are dragged down by minigames and early-game hell. like 3 civil wars or a magic system that kills all the fun early in the path and can stop player from replaying paths.
The Story is rather linear, there arent really any story branches, except for very short Fail States or completely different paths one can achieve. However for me personally the story is amazing, its a tale as old as time about Idealism vs cynicism, where justice starts and where vengeance begins and of course how Posada evolves, what are hers and the players choices when faced with choices, all of which can make the player ask themselves why they believe what is right and what is wrong. Sure the story is not perfect, Skystar is given way too much focus and there is definitely some Moral Myopia going on when compared to other "wholesome" nations of the mod, but compared to many other paths it at least says something and has moved me more than any other path in the mod.
Now Posada, she and her vision is an idealist version of a socialist vanguard with big scientific aspects (space and nukes). Posada is a visionary who suffers from no corruption but can fall to her darkest impulses and cause just as much harm as many eviler leaders. This would be rather Clique, but Posada manages to sell it better than most adaptation of this trope by simply constantly holding up a mirror to her action and making her both a victim and an optimist at the start. Posada even before her torture and PTSD was an outcast, if she was alive in our world during the 40 she would have been discarded to the fringes of society or held inside an insane asylum (in 1940 these asylums were anything but helpful), but despite all the suffering she had to go through she didnt become a monster or an emotionless wreck, she started to believe in a good thing and to hope for a better future (its up to the player how it will turn out). While its not a deep dive into psychological health, I think Posada is the best representation of it in the mod and in the entirety of Hoi4. (it certainly better than the "abuse/rape made me stronger" female characters, who lost all of their emotions and personality)..
To finish this "essay" I want to thank the devs for writing her path and story, a story that has gotten me to think about and has moved me emotionally and that I will never forget. Still these are just my thoughts on the path what are yours or did any other path moved you on an emotional level.
Art made by: marusya
tldr: I still think Posada has the best path of the mod and wanted to share some of my thoughts about it and her story, and ask the community why they think how Posada managed to be so populasuccessful.

Hello Martijn!! Happy birthday 🎂 Thank you so much for everything that you have done for the EDM community. You have shown all your fans love, and it is apparent not only through your meet and greets but also through your music. I know you put your heart and soul into making each track perfect for us, and the way you travel all over the world to play shows even when you must be totally exhausted is such a testament to your passion for music and love for your fans 🥹❤️ no one works harder than you do. We all see it. And I just hope you feel fulfilled and happy every day when you wake up and look into the mirror because you are so so appreciated and loved for all that you do. I hope year 28 brings you joy and peace because you deserve that above all else. WE CANT WAIT FOR ALL THE NEW MUSIC, SHOWS, AND STMPD ARTISTS SOON TO BE ADDED TO THE ROSTER!! Have an amazing day and much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️

A couple of years ago I tried writing my own version of Stones Abbigale. I never got past the first couple scenes, but I'm considering returning to it. I wanted to basically rewrite and change up a lot of things, mainly focusing on Abbi and Davis and changing some elements. Let me know what you think!

1
It's almost four in the morning and Seth is threatening suicide again. Good. Fuck him. I hope he does it. I don't text him that because I read about this girl who told her boyfriend to kill himself. The irony was that when he actually did it she got charged with second degree murder. My life is fucked as it is I don't need to make it worse. It's almost two in the morning and I have to be up for school in a few hours. I’m shivering under my comforter because we’re halfway through November. I think about the turkey that won't get made this year and the family I won't see. I think that's swell. Seth is still texting.
Its like u dont even care after everything that happened and after everything we did together i saved ur life and i stayed with u when u cried and i hugged u and i did everything for u but that wasn't enough was it? i try so hard and all u ever are is a bitch to me that's not fair u want me to die and u hate me and u dont even care and im sick of it abbi why is is so hard for u to care about me?
I don't respond. I don't like how I feel about this. This should be easy. He won't actually do it. He won't. He’s too self involved to kill himself. I put my phone face down on my bed. The sheets shake around it as he sends message after message. I was sleeping on a ticking bomb so I got off of it. My feet stick to the floor, I struggle to step. I might as well have been standing barefoot on ice. I trudge to my window so I can see my street at night. Winter is really coming. You can't hear as many birds as you used to. They've all gone. They've all flown away. I can see three streetlights from where I’m standing. If you can from right to left you can see the concrete fracture into the sand. I open my window and brace for the chill. I stick my head outside. The ocean is not far away. I hear it hitting the shore over and over. Waves of water splashing incessantly, almost beating out my text notifications. The street lights flicker. I think of last summer. When Seth and I got really high after the news broke that my Mom was cheating on my Dad. I was making out with that bong. Emptying bowl after bowl, clanking the glass on the road to empty it out. Just thinking about it makes me feel the street pole against my back again. I was laughing and crying. Seth leaned in and hugged me. “I’m a sure thing,” he said. “I love you and I always will.” I caught my reflection in his sunglasses. I looked awful. I shiver at the memory. My phone is still buzzing. I try to catch my breath. I shut my window and start to walk back to my bed. A room always looks different in the dark. Maybe you think you know where you are, but there is always something that can jump out at you on the floor. Like a ghostly paper bag or a vengeful shoe. Objects that seem to move on their own with the sole drive of tripping you. I crawl back into bed. There's the phantom of Dad’s snoring . I know he's not sleeping in his room, he fell asleep on the couch after finishing his seventh fifth. Sometimes my brain fills in the gaps so I can hear it everywhere. Funnily, I haven't actually heard him snore since Mom left. That's the one thing I ever heard them fight about. Before she turned out to be a whore, I guess. BZZT.BZZT.BZZT. I can't bring myself to read any of his messages. They're coming so fast all the paragraphs are lost to motion blur. Seth’s arms wrap around me and I think about the beating of his heart and the warmth of his lips against my skin. I open up the texts, ready to respond.
I love you
I text this over and over until I fall asleep.
Davis was the only senior on the bus. Somehow, everyone else had a car or a ride. It’s all right, though. James would probably give him one if he had a car, but he skated to school every morning. That's why he barely ever rode the bus with him. The bus thumped along the under paved roads. Davis forgot his earbuds at home, so the only music that accompanied him was his racing thoughts. Two sophomore girls popped their heads over. “Ohmigod, Davis!” One of them shrieked.. “As I live and breathe,” he smiled. “Nice,” she said. “I’m so excited to see your finished painting.” Davis took the lower level art class for a requirement. Like most things, he's not taking it very seriously. For their pop art unit, he's painting a portrait of the art teacher with a warthog face. It's one of his funny disruptions. He knows Mrs. Stanley is going to have a real field day with it, but it doesn't matter. Artistic liberties, he’d profess. “She's such a bitch, isn't she?” The sophomore girl turns to her compatriot, who only nods in response. “She's just jealous,” Davis says. “It must be depressing to teach art and see the youth soar above her.” “For sure,” the girl doesn't get it. Class clown is a semi-heavy burden. Davis doesn't really feel like talking to these girls, but his position demands it. Comedy informs everything about him. To the giant thrift store jeans, to the loud Hawaiian shirt. He and James are the ultimate combination, at least he likes to think so. Quiet brooding begs for bright distraction. The girl is still trying to talk to him and Davis is saying his preprogrammed lines. The bus stops in front of James’s street. Surprisingly, James is standing there. “Like I’m this close to just filling my hydroflask with vodka, yaknow?” says the chick. Maybe she's just trying to get a rise out of him. “Better be prepared to give me more than a sip,” Davis is watching James grumble towards the bus. The sun is beating down on the forming ice puddles. James stomps through them with small shattering steps. James turns up the bus aisle and plops in the seat next to Davis. Davis’s smile is genuine now, but he fights it from getting too wide. “Crash your vehicle?” Davis asks. “Something like it,” there's something off with him. Davis doesn't want to push it. “Well damn, hope insurance covers it,” Davis wants James to break and laugh. Is it just another mood or did something actually happen this time? “It won't, I got bad credit,” James grins and it's like heaven. “What's the move for you today?” “Surviving art and physics for me,” says Davis. “Those bastards love to keep me down.” “Who doesn't,” James eyes the girls who have since returned to whatever they were doing before. It's the judgement stare, as Davis calls it. James likes to observe his peers like a zoo-goer. Breaking them down to taxonomic types. Davis likes to think that James doesn't do this to him, but he knows he probably does. “It sucks you decided to be bad at school and take baby art,” James is still dissecting the sophomore girls down to their tropes. “We could have done Art II together.” “I wouldn't want to get between you and Alex. I know how you love it when people piss in jars next to you.” “That's disgusting,” James breaks his glare at the girls. “It's performance art, it's beautiful,” Davis gets up out of his seat to yell. “Everyone witness the wonderful work of Alex Madov! Disengage yourself from the shackles of capitalism by shouting with me: Poopy, pee pee, poop!” Davis gets a few chuckles from the other kids on the bus. “Sit down, fatso,” mumbles the bus driver. “I will not be silenced! I’m a messenger of the good word, sir!” “More of this shit and I’m skipping your stop!” “Fine, but I will make Alex remember on the day of judgement,” Davis sits back down. James is full belly laughing. “You're so retarded,” James wheezes. Davis can't even come back with a response. He's high off of it.
The bus pulls into the school lot with a short stop. The mobs get up and begin to race out. Davis follows James down the line. “You know Abbi?” James asks. Davis feels a little pit form in his stomach, but he doesn't change his expression. “Vaguely, what about her?” “She's in my art class,” James begins. “And I think … well you know, I’m going to talk to her.” He walks down the steps and out the door. “Doesn't she have a boyfr-” before Davis can descend the driver's arm blocks him. “I’ve had enough of your shit, kid,” he says. “If you keep being obnoxious, I’m gonna find a way to make you pay for it.” James looks back, but he can't stay. Davis knows that he's gotta get to class. James does a little wave goodbye and Davis salutes him. “Are you even listening to me?” the bus driver seethes. “Yes, sir. Divine retribution, got it.” Davis ducks underneath his arm and exits the bus. James has already disappeared into the crowd.
I pass the bong to Ashley. She starts another bowl. She’s the transport and I provide the material. The little things that keep our friendship afloat. I look at the clock in her car. “It's 8:45,” I pick a piece of bagel out of my teeth. “So that's it, we officially missed first period,” Ashley tops it off. “They won't mark us, you know. It's a study.” “Yeah, but when's the last time we signed in? I heard they're changing the policy again. Do you still have the lighter?” I toss it to her. I don't get it. It's always her idea to pick me up so we can smoke before school, why now is she suddenly caring about attendance? “We're pretty girls, we can get out of it. I’m next,” I tap on the clock. “Are you sure it's not fast?” She shakes her head as she takes a snap. We're parked in the pond area a block or two from the school. It's our designated smoking spot. I like it, even at the end of fall it's pretty. I’m so engrossed that I don't realize her tip out the bowl and put it back in the cup holder. “I don't know if it's wise to keep up the activity, we should probably get going soon,” she starts up her car again. “Okay,” I say. She reverses and swings out of the lot. We lean into the silence and it's super weird. “Seth texted me last night,” I wait for her reaction. “Oh,” she grimaces. “What did you say?” “That I loved him.” Silence again. Ashley's trying to put together something well-meaning while understanding that I’ll probably ignore whatever she has to say. “Abbi, I’m not trying to tell you how to run your life, but …” Her expression is now quizzical. She's said what she is about to say a number of different ways all ready. She thinks and thinks and decides to say nothing. Good call, I would have screamed at her. Not because what she thinks about my situation isn't true, I’m just in a ‘screaming at people mood’ because of it. “I’m going to dye my hair again,” she changes the subject to avoid conflict. Classic Ash. “Oh yeah? What color this time?” “I don't know,” she checks her reflection in the rear view. “The red has faded out, maybe blue or pink this time.” “You should go with a softer pink,” I say. “Since you're a soft spring.” “Yeah, maybe.” We enter the school lot. “Listen, do you want to get together when I do it? Maybe you can dye your hair too.” “I don't know, I might be busy,” I say. “Seth might want to do something,” I pause for her to protest. “Okay,” she says. She parks and we get out.
I barrel into art class. I don't care if I reek, out of all the teachers I can tell Mrs. Stanley smokes the most. It would be hypocritical of her to care. It looks like I’m the first one. Weird. I check my phone. It's 8:45. Well, fuck. Looks like Ashley needs to fix her clock. Mrs. Stanley is at her desk. She looks at me knowingly. “Eager to create today, Abbi?” I just nod and sit at my desk. I’m really feeling it. I open up my precalc notebook and just start sketching. Birds, eyes, trees, whatever. Kids start coming in. Their chatter echoes around me, I try to focus on what I’m doing. Someone bumps into my table. I look up. It's this lanky blonde kid, I think his name is James. He presses his hands underneath the desk as he leans up to talk to me. “Eww!” He shouts. Some kids turn and laugh. I don't. I just stare at him. James goes red and sits next to the kid who pissed in a jar. Once an adequate amount of students are in the room, Mrs. Stanley starts her lesson slideshow. On the screen is a dirty urinal. “How many of you are familiar with this work by Marcel DuChamp?” she asks. At this point, Jason, the designated meathead jock, enters the room. “Sorry I’m late, Mrs. S,” he booms. He looks at the slide. “We building bathrooms today?” Mrs. Stanley glares at him. “Wouldn't you like that? Considering you spend all of your time in there.” “Whatever,” Jason brushes his mullet behind his ears. “No, not whatever. Would you like me to move you into the sophomore class with Davis? Believe it or not he's getting much better marks than you are getting in here.” Jason rolls his eyes and takes his place in the chair next to me. “Up to a little extra curricular activities before art, Abbi?” he motions a joint in his fingers. I scoff and go on my phone. There's another text from Seth.
sorry about last night
and
im reading it all right now that was fucked im sorry
I start to respond, but before I can Mrs. Stanley outstretches her hand. “Give me your phone, Miss Hagerty. I’m sick of giving you warnings.” I don't have the energy to fight, I just give it to her. “You can pick it up at the end of the day.” My jaw actually drops. Jason must have really set her off, she's not usually such a cunt to me. “Anyways, found art. What is it? Well, found art is the use of everyday objects to convey an altered meaning. It can be something you find on the street or something that once held value to you. For example, My Bed by Tracey Elim.” She pulls up a picture of a messy bed that looks suspiciously like my own. “So for your final unit of the semester, you will be making your own found art. I really want you to take this project a little more seriously than most of you have been taking this class. I’m giving you the privilege of picking your own partners, but I’d like to remind you to be thoughtful with your choice. This will be worth more for your grade.” I look around. I don't have any friends here. I toy around with the idea of asking Jason for convenience and he looks like he's about to pull that move. Behind me there's that James guy. He’s sheepishly looking at me. He seems kind of nice. Okay. I don't feel like getting up so I just turn around in my chair. “Hey James, wanna be partners?” He balks a bit and then smiles at me. “Yeah, totally,” He's beaming and it's somewhat endearing. Alex and I switch seats and now I’m next to him. “I’m gonna be real with you …” I begin. He stops and shifts a little. “I have no idea what we're supposed to be doing for this.” He regards me oddly. Like he's trying to piece me together. It doesn't bother me. “She said we have to bring in an object that's special to us and present it artistically basically,” he rubs his chin. Damn, I must be baked to hell. I didn't hear her saying that at all. “So got any stuffed animals we can cut up and make Lovecraftian monstrosities out of?” “I got a hamster cage, hold the hamster,” I say. It comes out kind of weird and I probably sound stupid, but he doesn't seem to care. “Let's make a fucking zoo.” “Perfect!” He’s kind of cute actually. In a way. Something about this feels fun. I realize the bell will ring soon. “So um,” I rip out a page of my precalc notebook, still fresh with my drawings. I scrawl out my number and push it to him. “Call me so we can figure out the project some more.” I pack up all my stuff and start to head out. I can feel him watching me and it's not that bad. “I sure will,” he says. Everything feels really groovy. There's a lightness now. I’m halfway out the door when I remember my phone. I can't believe that I just forgot about Seth. I think about begging for my phone, but I feel too above that. Still, something shakes the good feeling as the bell rings.

… or am I an idiot? We have small business in architectural services and this years has been really busy for us that we pivoted from spec homes (new builds) to custom builds. The reason from pivoting was not only that we got larger, and our fees changed. We also start to focus more on creating projects instead of running through jobsites. On top of it, I really hated every minute to deal with contractors & changes specifically for spec homes. The arrogance, the blame game… spec home services are always lower fees because we don’t have to (should not) deal with the custom clients nuances but we do anyway which makes it not worth it.
That being said we hoped that we can maintain a few contractor projects on the side for rainy days. Contractor1 was one of my first clients and biggest one who referred me to another Contractor2. One day C1 screamed in rage at me during phone call and made me cry. He never called to apologize & I haven’t spoke with him since. Projects are still in the process so it’s awkward.
Meanwhile the contractor2 keeps asking me to do stuff for him (as favor) and answer questions he should know as GC. He’s not even asking but telling me what to do like I am his employee while some tasks are his own responsibility. Because these annoyances with C2 have been pararell with issues with C1 , when the C2 asked me to do XY, I said I won’t do it and it’s his responsibility. He got passive (sort of aggressive) attitude and didn’t take it well…. He made it seem like me saying this, was a mistake (“now I know what you are about”). He doesn’t involve me on the projects anymore … yes he’s short.
Now these 2 contractors are not as important in my city and they only do their own spec projects….. but It kinda hurts to loose clients especially during project progress, first because I don’t know if they will ever say that they didn’t like working with me, second yes, it is personal….third, I am missing opportunity to photograph the projects in progress (likely credits). And lastly, my business is not thaaaat developed to loose the opportunity for more referrals.
Frankly, my history is being nice to people and do XY, until I am not. (Yes it can be a quick change). I usually prefer when I am left alone doing my work, and I don’t ask people for help or free favors either. I know time is money so if I do ask, I expect to discuss costs (Or at least I ask nicely, not like a dictator). And therefore I really really don’t like to hear from others what to do if it’s not included in my service agreement per flat fee and on top of it being shut down if I say no.
I don’t even know what I expect from this post. Somehow I feel insecure, somehow I feel I mean, somehow I feel reasonable and somehow I feel maybe they were right. There are people who could definitely handle this better without creating a conflict, and still keep the jobs. But I don’t know….

Quick update first - Life has been getting better!
3 year anniversary was in April, and since then I've started school, been seeing a new partner consistently, overall enjoying life more. The most difficult part is that every time I go to do something I still feel the weight of the boulder that is Long Covid on my shoulders, digging in, clawing at me, holding me down. I'm getting stronger, and can do more, but man do I ever fucking hate this fucking boulder on my fucking shoulders it makes me want to cry having to carry this weight every day.
Most recent talk with my doctor, because my fatigue some days is still extremely bad, that whole body hollowness, like I've just ran an ultramarathon or an ironman, like no amount of water, electrolytes, sleep, meditation, food, or cat cuddles can cure. He suggested trying NALTREXONE.
Honestly, I'm kind of scared as fuck. Last time a doctor recommended something to me it absolutely ruined my sleep and ruined my life (amazing that something could overshadow long covid) for just over 1 year. That was Effexor, fuck that drug, and fuck that psychiatrist for constantly increasing my dosage despite me telling him how horrible the side effects were. Well I guess I have the trauma of effexor now, and I'm lowkey terrified of trying Naltrexone. The FIRST thing the Pharmacist tells me is 'oh yeah this drug is totally fine, most people just report it messing with their sleep a little bit, no big deal'......YEAH.....NO......So fucking triggering.
At least with effexor I didnt have any energy to do anything else really anyways, short walks, short family visits. Now I have commitments, I have school, homework, and a girlfriend who loves attention (who understands my situation, but still I Want to have energy to give to her!), and now this guy is telling me naltrexone might mess up my sleep. lesigh...
TLDR: doc is putting me on low dose naltrexone, looking for success stories, looking for horror stories, looking to hear about side effects.
I'm so tired, every - day, and nobody understands :( ....well, apart from you

I could probably go on a limb and assume everyone here knows what the problem of evil is, but just in case:
Premise 1: The bible describes god as all powerful and all good
Premise 2: god doesn't like evil (Psalm 5:4) (Proverbs 8:13)
And when I use the word "evil" think of all the things god says not to do. From getting a divorce to being gay to wearing mixed linens. Y'know, all that depraved stuff that's worthy of death!!! UwU (seriously though when I say "evil" I just mean anything outlined as "sin")
Premise 3: god (probably) doesn't like suffering(while I couldn't find any verses where god explicitly says he doesn't like human suffering, Revelation 21:4 at least implies that he plans to do away with it and it does stand to reason that an all-good, all-loving god would be opposed to suffering)
Premise 4: There's a lot of evil and suffering in the world. Like, a lot
Premise 5: if an all powerful and all good god existed he wouldn't make a world with so much evil and suffering
Conclusion: The god described in the bible does not exist
Easily the most popular and easiest to explain argument against god, but one that has long been contested and argued against. Which is where theodicies come in. Theodicies are arguments that attempt to prove god has some reason to allow evil and suffering to exist.
In this post I will attempt to disprove the major theodicies, proving the problem of evil to be a logically coherent argument against the existence of god.
Let's start with the one I dislike the most: God allows evil in order to facilitate higher order goods
Now, let's set aside how appalling, emotionally speaking, the idea that a world where people get beheaded and gored and burned alive has more moral value than a world with none of these evils because of "Higher order goods" or something, actually is.
This argument is also logically bankrupt. For evil to be justified under this theodicy, it must allow for some higher order good to obtain. There's no way for bravery to exist without fear. So that particular evil is necessary for bravery to exist. With this in mind, answer me this:
What Higher order good can ONLY be brought about when an earthquake makes a building collapse on a family of five, or when an infant chokes to death on a particularly large lego brick. What good could possibly come from somebody getting struck by lightning and dying with 3rd degree burns and charred skin(it may not happen often but it happens) or when a Muslim girl is publicly executed for trying to learn how to read?
Set humans aside for a minute and consider animal suffering. What good can come about from a tree falling on a deer's leg? While it starves to death with a broken limb in agony, where nobody can hear it's cries. What good is achieved by this? When an antelope has it's throat crushed in a lion's mouth, why would a good god allow this cruelty? If an evil thing cannot facilitate some higher order good it can't be justified by this theodicy. So tell me: what higher order good's can only come from these?
Aside from this, consider the fact that there is no evil in heaven. To be philosophically consistent, one would have to claim that our world has more moral value than heaven because it has goods that can't exist in heaven. Heaven, being eternal and all, is the last stop for god's children, so if this is where the righteous are meant to live forever, and god truly believed a world with the higher order goods facilitated by evil is better than a world without evil, then why isn't there evil in heaven?
Finally, consider that evil did not exist in the world before the original sin. It was only after Adam and Eve's slip-up that the hearts of man became utterly evil or something. So if you believe that god wanted evil to exist in the world, and acknowledge that evil didn't and couldn't exist until Adam and Eve ate the possibly metaphorical apple, you must then be committed to the belief that god punished Adam and Eve for something he wanted them to do.
The Second Theodicy: God allows evil because without it, we would have no concept of good.
This argument states that evil is to good what shadow is to light; the former is simply an absence of the latter and one cannot be appreciated without the other, or, as put by C.S Lewis: "A man has no concept of a straight line unless he has seen a crooked one."
This isn't as much of a slam dunk as it sounds like on first glance once you consider that before the fall of man we had neither a concept of good nor evil. In an ideal state of affairs god was totally cool with us having no concept of good and since he actively discouraged Adam and Eve from committing the original sin, one can even argue he actively didn't want them to have such a concept.
Also, once again, there's no evil in heaven. So it's either the case that good can be appreciated without evil, or it really just doesn't matter that much.
Lastly, the moment we've all the waiting for, the one I like the most. the theodicy based on a concept that doesn't actually exist. Make some noise for: The free will theodicy.
This one is pretty self explanatory. God allows evil because, even though he doesn't like it when we do bad things, he respects our freedom and wants us to choose him for ourselves.
Two teeny-tiny problems with this: 1. Unless there is no free will in heaven, it is possible to have free will without committing acts of evil and 2. Free will in our world just doesn't exist.
I recognize the second claim needs a little more explaining:
Premise 1: All mental activity(whether material or immaterial for those of you believe believe in the soul) is either determined or indetermined.
Premise 2: If some particular mental activity is indetermined it is, by definition, random and out of our control. If it is determined then it is either determined by something outside our self and thereby not free will either, or determined by something further inside ourselves, in which case we can ask the same questions to figure out if that something is determined or indetermined. So on so and so forth until all causal chains with eventually terminate at something we can't control.
Conclusion: There is no free will.
With this done I hope I have provided a convincing argument for The problem of evil and against the Christian god and would be elated to hear rebuttals. In addition to this I would be curious to see if Muslims have some sort of way around this problem exclusive to their faith or something. Thanks in advance for the Civilized discussion. :)

Hi all - strap in lol..
I (23M) had been seeing a girl (22F) for around 9 months and we became official just touching 7 months ago..
At the beginning, everything was pretty good and I was happy. Around March this year, her effort dramatcially decreased. There were a few red flags that I admittedly ignored such as a promiscuous past ( not necassarily a red flag in itself but she was pretty vocal about it which I'll get to ), me being her first boyfriend and from what I could gather, the first guy to treat her well.
For the duration of the 9 months, she didn't plan one single date, she did not get me anything for Valentines day or our 6 month anniversary, when I asked her to join me and my family for dinner for an important milestone in my life ( 1 year sober ) she did not make the effort to be there as she was " too tired " . I got her a nice photo of the two of us framed for our 6 months which she hadn't even bothered to unwrap up to the last time I saw her which was less than a week ago..
I planned every date, paid for 98% percent of them, planned and paid for two holidays which I wouldn't mind doing had she shown effort in other ways.. Like at the beginning, she would make the effort to call me every night which was more than enough for me to know she cared. I'm not a needy bloke, I didn't need gifts and to be wined and dined but something so simple as the phone calls was good for me, but that faded around February..
Things really started to look bleek around the time of our second Holiday which was the beginning of last month. She had been out drinking the night before and told me the next day she had a guy from her class pour liquour into her mouth which personally for me, was a boundary crossed that I foolishly ignored. Then, one of the nights on holiday, while drunk, she decided to show me a list she had kept in her notes app of all her past sexual partners and even went as far to tell me how big one of the guys dicks was (upon reflection I should've left her there and then).
Now, don't get me wrong, she was not a demon. She had many moments of showing affection and care, she bought me some nice clothes for Christmas and my birthday aswell as other small but thoughtful gifts and often used to keep my favorite drinks in the fridge for when I came over. But for the mostpart, the effort was just not there and would frequently go hours without snapping me back, and often times wouldn't start an actual verbal conversation ever and there wouldn't be one if I didn't start one..
I brought up the lack of effort to her 3 or 4 times and and told her, if she just wasn't into me it was fine and we could call it quits, but we needed to communicate. Each time she would cry, maintain that she loved me, she wanted me in her life and wanted to be with me. She is super focused on her studies and I told her I totally get it and that I don't expect to come first, and don't want much, but something so simple as the nightly phone call was enough for me to know she cared. Each time she told me she would try and do better but nothing ever changed.
So, this Sunday gone, I couldn't do it anymore and initiated a break up. Once she saw I was serious she kind of scrambled to make it mutual, but I inititated it and I don't think she had intented to finish with me any time soon. I told her nothing has changed and I don't see it changing, she told me she doesn't feel she can give me what I need (which is not very much) or deserve. She said she loves me still and probably always will. The last thing I said to her was, I will miss you, I am thankful for the times we shared, wished her the best of luck with her studies and the rest of her time in my country ( she's not from here) and goodbye. I have since entered a period of no contact with her.
I also don't believe there was another guy on the scene, she was never secretive with her phone and always left her location on, which I never checked as I found that to be unhealthy, but her wilingness to leave it on was fairly reassuring in that regard.
The reason I am conflicted is because, I don't believe she saw it ending and I do believe she had genuine feelings for me, but I couldn't allow myself be disrespected and taken for granted any longer for my own sanitys sake.
What I'm asking is, given it ended amicably, is it hopeless to think that she will realise what she lost and come back and make an effort, or is it dead in the water.. Afterall, even though I ended it, I am in love with her and am finding the no contact incredibly difficult although have no intention of breaking it.
I find it hard to believe she is able to let someone who did and cared so much for her go that easily, but am also aware life is cruel and unforgiving..
I'd really like some non biased opinions on this.. Thanks!
Edit: she has not yet taken down the photos of us together on Instagram if that counts for anything...

Purely subjective, no set criteria. Just vibes.

1. Thorns. Sophia Smith is on fire and they're moving up the rankings, that's got to feel damned good.
2. Spirit. You've got Barca's coach coming and at least one -- probably more -- marquee international signings coming in at mid-season, and you're STILL in playoff contention even without them.
3. Angel City. The love for Paige Nielsen so strong that you cheer an opponent's goal -- that's a vibe.
4. Pride. You're tearing it up this year, and have one of the most fearsome attackers in the NWSL. And yet you're still seen as an underdog -- everybody loves a come from behind win.
5. Current. You're leading the pack, but also everybody wants to knock you off. Mid vibes.
6. Dash. What can I say, I love your kits.
7. Courage. No notes.
8. Racing - Tough team. I do like that about you.
9. Reign - Very fall from grace.
10. Red Stars. You're actually not doing that bad, but everybody thinks you are. Bad vibes.
11. Gotham. Your injured bench makes me cry.
12. Wave. Your injured bench also makes me cry.
13. Bay - Rough. Everything is rough.
14. Royals - You have Sentnor, at least.

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TW: Domestic violence, ideation, SA
These past couple months of my life have been transformation, but exhausting. I recently lost my grandfather to a terminal illness, the man who supported me in countless ways and really brought our family together when he first got sick. His death was crippling for the first couple weeks, but I have since been able to see that his suffering coming to an end is worth more than the rest of us having him still with us on earth. His passing put a lot of things in perspective, including my deep rooted unhappiness in my long term relationship and my unhealthy relationship with substances. Throughout this time, I lost a number of friends to the breakup, many of which led with the whole "bros before hoes" mentality, so much so that not a single one of them reach out when my grandfather did eventually die, and I had never felt so alone. In the mean time, I was able to grow very close with a group of coworkers my age, all in their twenties. On nights where all I wanted to do was get drunk and ignore my problems, they would drive me out to the dam and sit and listen to me sob about how I felt like I wasted the last couple months of my grandfather's life getting drunk with people who threw me away when I didn't want to party any more, all in the name of distracting myself from his inevitable death. They stepped up to the plate when I broke up with my ex and he lost his mind thinking I was a horrible person for not wanting him to come to my grandfather's funeral and just wanting to be alone instead of in a relationship where I was doing so much heavy lifting for little payout. I also had to come to terms with the fact that my ex and I only ever had sex when we were drunk because I really didn't enjoy it, but there was one time where he blacked out and didn't even remember us sleeping together. During that encounter, I had begged him to stop, but he couldn't hear me I guess, and he kept going until he finished and I just laid there and cried while he passed out next to me. I now know that was rape, but in the moment I felt like I did something wrong. That period of my life was so fucking hard, but I made it with the help of some awesome people and newfound sobriety.
Among the group of coworkers was Jack (25m). I will admit, I got butterflies the moment he walked into work that first time, but I never planned on acting on it; it was just a surprising thing that had never happened to me before. He and I started a friendship when he opened up about being new to the area, his desire to move up the ladder in the industry we both work in, and told me all about his dog who he loved so much. His girlfriend at the time, Alyssa (26f) had gotten a job here and they moved three hours north for her job, and he figured he might as well start working at a serious job in his dream industry. Our friendship grew when he commented to my good friend Tony (23m) and I about the growing resentment he had for the area and his girlfriend. Apparently, for years she had always been very dependent on him while still controlling most aspects of his life, but since they moved up here, she had stopped doing any house work, taking care of their dog, and demanding that he stay home to spend time with her instead of going out to meet new people in town (we work in a very social industry, and when he first started, we all got together and offered to take him out to see new things in town, meet other big people in the industry, etc, but didn't take it personally when he said no. However, this convo made it very clear that he wanted to go those four times we tried, but he was informed by Alyssa that he was a selfish bastard for wanting to go out without her and she felt like he hated her so much that he was trying to use work as an excuse to leave her alone. I can't make this up). He started crying about how he felt like a maid, like a doormat that she walked all over and how he wished he had never moved up here, how every time he tried to break up with her she threatened to kill herself and he couldn't live with the thought of being responsible for her death. Tony let Jack know that none of that behavior was okay, and we as a group talked about what Jack really wanted to do with his life and what was holding him back. Shortly after, Jack broke up with Alyssa, who once again threatened to kill herself, got violent with him, and blamed him for throwing in the towel when she did nothing wrong. Tony gave Jack a room in apartment to stay in when it became clear that Alyssa would attack Jack anytime he was home, and he officially moved out within the week. Our coworkers all banded together to make sure he had furniture for his new room, bought him a dresser and a bed frame and we each took our cars over to his old place to move him out. It took a village, but he now has a safe apartment of his own with Tony and he has repeatedly thanked us all for letting him fall apart without judgement. A few months later, my grandfather passed and I was shown the same love by our little group. I have some amazing coworkers.
I was sitting next to Jack in the back of Tony's truck when I got the call my grandfather died. In that moment, it became clear that he really did care about me, and I am so grateful that he was there for me even when I swore I didn't need anyone. This all happened shortly after my breakup and newfound sobriety, so I was an absolute mess, but Jack didn't care. I opened up to him about my assault, my problem with drinking, and all the ugly parts of myself and he never once treated me like damaged goods. He and I fell apart and helped each other try to stitch together new lives at the expense of our old ones. I constantly am reminded by friends and family how much happier I am now, and I can give a lot of that credit to Jack and his patience and care. The same can be said for Jack, too. He and I hooked up one night months after I was single and felt slightly more in control of my emotions, and after doing that a couple more times, we started dating five months ago.
Now here comes the kicker. Jack has made some shitty choices in the past that I did not know about until we got together. Apparently, he had cheated on one of his exes at college, and when he and Alyssa first got together, he had been sleeping with two other girls who he cut things off with pretty suddenly when he got the chance to sleep with Alyssa, then they started dating a few weeks later. There are a number of girls that he kinda fucked over before the age of twenty, but he doesn't talk to any of them anymore and knows that he was in the wrong for all of them. Growth, I hope. I found out that he was still somewhat connected to one of them, and when I told him how worrisome that made me, he immediately apologized for not realizing earlier how that would make me uncomfortable and quickly (per his own volition) let her know that he did not want to continue talking because he felt it was clear she only really wanted to sleep with him and she had very little respect for his monogamous relationships. She flipped shit and he was glad that he was able to cut ties because apparently that wasn't the first time she tried to guilt trip him into staying in touch with her. But mostly, Alyssa has become a fairly constant fixture in our relationship. Because they had a dog together, Jack has to ask Alyssa when he can go over there to see the dog. She only does it on her terms, which is understandable, but she will constantly blame him for not taking care of the dog (Tony has two cats, and while Tony wants Jack to take the dog to their apartment, he doesn't think the cats would feel safe and they are already very skittish). She texts him biweekly saying that she found something of his, like a box of ties, a thing of utensils, etc, and demands he come get them and walk the dog asap. More than once, she has called him early in the morning asking him to come over because something is wrong with the dog, but most recently she called at 7 am saying "You need to get over here now, something is wrong with the dog. This shouldn't all be my problem and you should be the one taking care of this." He tries to get more info but she refused and said it shouldn't matter, he should just drop everything and take her to the vet and stop asking questions. He asked her to wait a few hours and if she still needed help he would come. Turns out, she clipped the dog's nail too short and the dog was bleeding a little, and that's what the phone call was for. But most alarming, Alyssa texted Jack repeatedly when we were on a lunch date saying that he needed to come take the dog because she was going to the mental hospital for suicidal ideation. Understandably so, we get the bill and Jack loses his mind in the car. He was terrified. She never did go, and when Jack reached out to her mom, she said Alyssa was fine and had no idea what he was talking about. She texts him randomly telling him he better come spend time with the dog because she's thinking of moving south again, three hours away, and will basically text him threatening stuff all the time all with the guise of him seeing the dog. I know this is all something I signed up for, but between the crazy shit with Alyssa and his cheating in the past, I don't know how I got myself involved in something so messy. Yes, he was being abused and now he is so grateful for the love I give him, but I still feel somewhat insecure based off how much say Alyssa has on his mood. He doesn't fold for anyone like he does for her, and while she or us will move out of state within the next year, I guess I mostly need to know what people recommend in terms of me feeling more secure in myself. This is a bug weight on my shoulders and while I do love him and am happy he his around, I need to prioritize myself above all else. Please help.
TL;DR: My boyfriend (25m) and I (21f) have been through a lot. His ex girlfriend is very manipulative and I want to make sure I am taking care of myself to be the best version of myself after having a very transformative year (newfound sobriety, death of my grandfather, loss of many friends, and grief over a past relationship). I don't doubt that he loves me, I just want to look out for myself and make sure I am making healthy choices while we navigate a very heavy period of our lives together. Thanks in advance.

Hi! I won’t get into all the details but it’s enough to have me still in therapy 9 months postpartum. Some of the major things are MIL lying about having COVID because she was “denied her hospital experience”; causing LO to be admitted to the hospital for weeks and has breathing problems 8 months later. She also demanded to take LO out of the country to “show her off to her friends” (at 3 months old) and said I was evil and not allowing her to be a grandma when I said no. My AIL threatened to induce me 3 weeks early because “the family” wanted “the family baby” to have a specific due date. My GMIL threatening grandparents rights (she’s not even my child’s direct grandparent) and calling me “it” or “that girl” my entire pregnancy. as well as seeing me as an incubator for “the community baby”. All these people hate me for “stealing DH” from them and genuinely expected me to just hand my newborn over because they are “family”.
ANYWAYS… DH cut off basically his whole family for how disgustingly they have treated me and LO (they see her as a facebook prop and something to get their “fix” in). MIL met LO once and no one else has. We have been NC for about 7 months. Although he has never texted back; they do occasionally beg for pictures of LO to post because that’s all they care about (DH hasn’t blocked them). Their facebook ego is all that matters to them. It’s hard to play grandma of the year when the only pictures you have are of a 2 week old.
While I’m proud of DH for standing strong in his NC; it is a little odd to me that he hasn’t just blocked them. Especially since they still continue to send manipulative messages (demanding pictures, for us to travel to them, etc). We live across the country from my in-laws so that helps a lot. DH does still talk to FIL which I have no issue with as he’s never been hateful. Unfortunately he does sometimes push for us to just get over things because “that’s family”. He doesn’t understand NC and thinks it’s a phase. He will occasionally ask DH if he has talked to his mom, grandma,etc. He knows the answer because we are literally NC. I feel with enough pushing and time passed that DH will give in just to make FIL happy.
DH really wants another child when our current baby is 3ish. I do also but refuse to go though the hell of pregnancy and postpartum his family put me though. He’s given me no reason to doubt him and said they will never be involved in our lives; new baby or not. I guess I’m just terrified. LOs birthday is coming up in 2 months and that will be the big test.
Do I let them “win” by not having another baby? Or do I risk being “stuck”? Having 2 kids would be so much harder to manage/protect if DH ever wanted to regain contact with them. (ex. holding one child while everyone harasses the other)