Boyfriend sayings]

I am F28, 5ft 3 and 125 lbs. History of PCOS, Raynaud’s phenomenon, low blood pressure and occasional fainting spells. I drink spearmint tea daily and take 10mg elemental zinc every other day to treat PCOS and prevent acne. I have vaped for around 3 years and drink about 5 units of alcohol per week on average.
Over the last 3-4 months I seem to have started laughing out loud in my sleep, sometimes to the extent it wakes me up (approx once per week). My boyfriend has pointed it out and noticed that it’s a recent development. I have never experienced this or had any past partners or family comment that I do this. I’ve also never woken myself up from laughing prior to this.
Aware it may be a bit silly, when I look this up online it says it’s normal, but should I be worried that it’s a sudden new development? I have also found that I’m incredibly tired in the day and have no energy to leave the house. I WFH full time so I don’t have to expend much energy but I’m physically exhausted even from this recently.
Any advice would be appreciated, should I go to the doctors about this? I don’t want to waste their time.

So my boyfriend and I just broke up. We dated for about 6 months and then things started to go weird. We went back and forth a bit but he ended up deciding he wanted to be single to figure out his own stuff and hopefully work on himself so he could be better in the relationship down the road.
A week post break my old ex boyfriend reached out to me out of nowhere and basically said he misses me and still wants to be with me. Me and this ex have a lot of history we dated on and off for almost 4 years, lived together, did long distance, etc. he would be considered the avoidant type that struggle with commitment when to much started to go on in life. He says now he’s ready for it but idk if I entirely believe him. Actions speak louder than words.
My problem now is I could see myself being with either of these guys. My most recent ex is the kind of man who does want a future in the same way I do and we have lots in common. He has a good heart and he hasn’t burned a bridge with me a million times. But he’s also not with me right now lol. The older ex is much different then me but we share this insane connection I’ve never had with someone else, I know he wants the same future as me but idk if he’s really ready for it. I feel like I love both of these men and I don’t know what to do. (My older ex knows about the new guy and that we recently broke up - he didn’t know that when he contacted me though, he told me he wants me to be with the other guy if that’s what’s going to make me happy because he knows he had his chances, but if it doesn’t work out he says he’s waiting for me)
I’m just so overwhelmed and confused and I don’t even know who to talk to about it because I know my friends and family will think I’m crazy. I know they would tell me to find someone else and ditch both of them because maybe they both aren’t ready but it’s hard to ignore both these wonderful people. Granted right now my recent ex doesn’t want to be in a relationship but the other guy doesn’t even live here at the moment so I’m not sure I’m even supposed to do anything about it. I just don’t understand what the universe is trying to teach me by doing this 😭

my boyfriend keeps being disrespectful towards me I (F22) been with my boyfriend (M21) for a year now and as of lately it’s been rocky. If you look at the second previous post on my profile this is not the first time something like this has occurred so let me describe what happened this time. So i’m at my boyfriend’s house and his mother was throwing a mother’s day party. When I came I bought his mom a beautiful flower bouquet and some balloons and heartfelt card and also a min cake. She loved it and went downstairs to chill. We’re down there for a good hour and a half and he’s cuddling/ laying on me. So this new ice spice song came on and I showed it to him. When I showed him the song I said that I personally didn’t like it and that she isn’t that great of an artist. He instantly started defending her which caused us to go into a full on debate on ice spice and other female artists who are more talented and don’t get the same recognition as her. It was like he was nearly brained washed trying to defend her. (He was laying fully down on the couch with his head on my upper legs and I had my hand on his chest)
He kept trying to debate with me on my person option until it got to the point of where I checked fully out of the conversation and stopped replying. This enraged him and he threw my arm away from him and a really rude way. After he did this it hurt my feelings so i moved my legs so that his head would be laying on the couch. After I moved his head he kept trying to forcefully make me put my leg back but i refused because of how rude he was acting and then I continued to be on tiktok like we were before this big debate started. Then he snatched my phone away from me (if you read the previous post he did this before but the last time he turned off the tv while i was watching it and as a result i picked up my phone which he snatched out my hand and went away with it )
This time I tried to remain unbothered and this went on for a while too. Mind you after he snatched my phone he picked up his phone and started playing it. So after acting unbothered i snatched my phone back from him and tried to get back to what we were doing before, which was being on our phones. After I got my phone back he said “well if you’re just going to be on your phone you might as well..” and I said “go home ?” and he said yea (I honestly thought he was joking and was going to say jk or something) but when I noticed he was serious I got up and collected my belongings and went upstairs he was leading me out (side note: his mom catered food for the party and I wasn’t hungry when I first got there so they told me to pack a to go plate for later which I did) As I get up stairs I grab my purse and say goodbye to everyone and that “(my boyfriend name) is running me out of here” in like a joking manner.
Then I circle back to grab the plate that I had made then he snatched the plate out of my hand and kept me walking out the door. As I was walking out I wished everyone a happy mother’s day again and hugged his mom (she was at the front door) and kept walking down the stairs and then his mom asked him “aren’t you going to walk her out ?” and and he said “no” and slammed the door. That absolutely crushed me, I couldn’t believe how hurtful he was being to me. So I just got into my car and as I was putting my seatbelt on he appeared saying that his mom “made him” walk me out and I replied “thanks” then he asked if i was mad at him to which i replied “no” (I just couldn’t believe he would even ask me this as if he couldn’t see how upset I was)
At this point im over the disrespect, the first time this happened we talked about it and he made a promise that he was going to work on it. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore I don’t want to be with someone like that. He’s normally a very sweet and caring person idk why he has these sudden switches sometimes but it honestly is starting to take a toll on me.
I blocked him after I got home because of how upset he made me feel and he keeps reaching on different socials blaming me for the whole situation ! With a mix of saying he was sorry and that i am the rude one and that he doesn’t understand why im “doing all of this” im honestly tore between my feelings and my moral values :/ (This was a long story so I appreciated anyone who made it this far)
TLDR; i’m over my boyfriend’s constant disrespect towards me and not sure what i should do next

Do I need to share with my (23F) bf (22M) that I slept with someone he knows?
Now I know in a typical situation the obvious answer would be yes, but I feel like the circumstances are kind of unique so please stick with me because I need help!
Last year in January, I met a guy and we ended up becoming friends and hooking up like twice. Honestly, it was just rebound, I was in a dark place in my life at the time and the interaction repulses me in retrospect. Tbh- I don’t even find him attractive and he’s not my type.
I met my boyfriend about 4-5 months later, then we were in a talking stage for another 4-5 months. During this time, I had ceased all sexual relations with this other guy but we still maintained a friendship and I would hang out with him on occasion.
Because all 3 of us share a hobby in common, and me and my current bf were in a talking stage, sometimes I would be hanging out with the other guy and my bf would be around. Because of this, they have met on a couple occasions. They have had short interactions, my bf never liked him even before we started dating. So essentially, the only reason my bf knows him is through me.
I have since cut off the friendship completely, before me and my bf began dating.
I have OCD along with the constant urge to confess things so I’m having a hard time telling if this is something I should share with my boyfriend or if it would just be unnecessarily hurtful to him.
I guess the reason I am feeling guilty about it, is that I had disclosed to him another friend I had I slept with 6+ years ago when I was a teenager, and he was almost in tears about it asking who else he knows that I have slept with. At the time I said nobody because he only knows this guy since I introduced them. It’s not like it was one of his friends already.
I am worried he’s going to think I’m a slut if he finds out about this. We recently moved in together and he’s shared with me he’s afraid of me cheating on him, and that he doesn’t want to “find anything else out” like how he did about my friend.
He’s really an amazing guy and super understanding. He’s told me before there’s nothing I could say that would make him not want to be with me. But I don’t know if this is something I need to share. My bf ran into this guy at an event the other day and told me he wasn’t friendly to him but all I could think of was that he doesn’t know we slept together.
I want him to have all information about me so he can make a decision on if he wants to be with me or not. Right now I kind of feel like I’m holding something in. Help please!

I’m slightly insecure over my looks. I like how I look enough, but I have a few big insecurities and I do care about my appearance a lot.
My boyfriend, (M20), doesn’t really compliment me - even if I get all dressed up - and if he does, it’s usually either that “I’m crazy out of his league” or about my boobs.
He likes to joke and banter, but the way he says these jokes is in a tone that I don’t realise is joking - so for a while I thought these jokes were real. He’s pointed out new insecurities too in these jokes - if I smell sweaty, if my lazy eye makes me cross-eyed, my hair looks weird and bumpy when it’s tied back. These are all jokes but they’re slowly getting to me.
I got to a point where I asked him if he ever found me ugly. He said “sometimes you look good, sometimes you don’t. I’m sure you have moments were you think I look bad”. That response is what brought me to writing this post. He’s honest at least, but I kind of wanted him to always think I’m pretty. He’s reacted badly to things in the past - when he saw my old self-harm scars and was verbally and physically grossed out (now he doesn’t mention them though). He also once said “I’m not sure I like you as much as I think I like you” during a conversation about our relationship which is another comment that’s really stuck to me.
When I brought up wanting to loose weight after one of these moments (as I’m becoming more and more insecure kinda), he responded with how he “shouldn’t of said that” in a way that made me feel bad for mentioning it.
As the relationship has developed, aftercare after intimacy is slowly disappearing. Although he is interested in me and how I am feeling during, afterwards he just falls asleep, and recently he’s been not even letting me cuddle him afterwards. I tested him recently (unhealthy I know) by saying I wanted to have less/more planned out intimacy as I feel ugly. And he didn’t say anything, just a “how would that work?” and then changed the subject. I thought he might be a little concerned about me feeling ugly, so ugly I want to have less intimacy, which made me feel worse when he wasn’t concerned at all.
He also watches porn daily when I’m not there (which I think is pretty normal for men), but he points women he finds attractive out on the street - as I’m bisexual - but he does it so regularly and even comments on their bodies. Which makes me feel like shit. His ex is literally a model and I feel like he thinks I’m a downgrade looks-wise
I don’t know how to bring this up to him. I genuinely really like him, he’s such a perfect guy who’s very considerate in every other way, so I want to fix this.

My mother always liked my sister more than me. When we had a disagreement, I was always the one asked to compromise. When I was unhappy with something my sister did, my feelings were always dismissed. She always let my sister talk to me however she wanted, she was never reprimended when she was rude to me, but I'll get reprimended if I try to defend myself. She often allowed my sister to borrow my belongings without asking me... the list goes on.
It sucked, but now we're both in our 20s, and it's getting so much worse. Now my mom is always unhappy with how I interact with my sister. If I talk to my sister, my mom "doesn't like my tone", if I don't talk to my sister, she thinks I'm being rude. Same for my sister's friends and boyfriend.
Once my mom went to a appointement to the bank with me, since she knows a lot more about finances than me. She talked about my sister during the whole thing, and went on a loooong rant on the bank not giving my sister proper information when she needed it. The banker kept sending me pitiful looks, it was embarassing.
She let my sister use my car while I was on a trip without telling me. I had to come back earlier and found out my car wasn't at my parent's house. Now, a few months later, she denies it and says she asked me. I'd never have trusted my sister with my car.
All 3 of us went to a bigger city to do some shopping, and my mom acted like I was a burden during the whole day. I was screamed at when I asked to go to a specific shop because "there wasn't enough time". I was ignored most of the time or treated like an annoyance, while my sister could take all the time she wanted to look at products or try clothes. And on our way back we got stuck in traffic and my mom allowed my sister to smoke in the car even though she knows I can't stand the smell.
During family dinners, I can't pause for even a second while talking to my mom. If I do, she will start a conversation with my sister immediatly. When I tell her I wasn't done talking, she says "oh I thought you were finished". Most of the time, it wouldn't make sense to stop there, obviously there was going to be an end to whatever I was saying.
There are more examples like that. I talked about it to my mom but she keeps denying having a favorite. My dad, my grand mother, and even my sister told her, but she insists that she doesn't have a favorite. Also, my sister seems to enjoy it and often takes advantage of it, which is not helping.

hi before i begin this i just wanted to say this might be very long and ranty and the grammar won’t be correct. thank you if you choose to go on!!
i’m a female and i won’t disclose my age (i’m a teen) but since i was about 11 i’ve explored being bi. realizing i liked girls wasn’t a hard thing for me to truly accept to myself although i grew up with a homophobic scary father who could definitely hurt me if i told him about this. since i realized i liked girls i’ve always worried that maybe i’m just doing it for a show and maybe i’m just trying to be different. since i labeled myself as bi being unsure of that label and having no label is very uncomfortable and although some people would say just go with the flow which i do agree with that as i said i feel very uncomfortable to not be able to say to others or to myself what i am without feeling guilt that what i’m saying isn’t true. when i was in 7th grade when i was about 12 i started dating boys and my first “relationship” he guilt tripped me into being with him and when he broke up with me i felt the need to be sad or itd be like i never liked him so i forced myself to cry. then i dated his friend (…) i definitely liked him friend more however one night i started talking to this girl and i realized i did like her so the next morning i broke up with my then boyfriend for her. none of my “relationship” lasted very long about 2 weeks for the guys and around 1 month for the girl. but when i started talking to that girl i would talk about my ex and say that i missed him which i did (i feel awful about that). she broke up with me a few days after school ended and it didn’t hit me in the moment but when we went back for 8th grade i felt EXTREMELY hurt and i missed her a ton but what if i just missed our friendship? we talked again in 8th grade when i was 13 and she broke it off again (it hit me even harder that time) then we decided to stay friends (i still really liked her) then i met this boy and i do believe i really did like him but even when i liked him that girl was still on my mind always. to this day i believe she’s the only one out of my relationships that i truly loved and would go back to. the love i felt for her exceeded anything i had ever felt for a boy. and throughout all of this i’ve always felt unsure that i truly liked boys, that me liking girls wasn’t just an act. i’ve tried multiple labels but i always go back to thinking maybe i’m lesbian. i’m not sure i resonate deeply with anything in the lesbian media i feel like my experience if i am lesbian is so strange that i can’t bring my to think i have the right to identify with any lesbian character or celebrity. i’m still young and i haven’t slept or even kissed anyone and i don’t plan to for the time being. i’ve tried the lesbian label and sometimes when it was late at night when everyone was sleeping when i was 11 i would watch lesbian shows and feel okay with that label until the morning came then i’d feel the worry that it’s all just a show again. if i see an attractive guy and i recognize that i feel like i’m betraying the label of being lesbian. me liking girls is rare but maybe that’s just because they’re true feelings and not something i can’t just switch off like i can with guys. i’ve liked guys in the past but the thought of being with one now isn’t truly appealing to me. i feel like hearing just wait and see doesn’t help me because i have waited and i haven’t seen anything.
thank you for reading this and please give me advice, share your experience, tell me what you think i could be. anything to help me understand what this is. 🩷🩷

I just want to say I’m really happy and proud of the way my boyfriend handled his mother. For context, we’ve been taking space due to boundary violations. We agreed that Mother’s Day was an exception, and we went over for dinner. During the dinner, she then invites us to a cabin for memorial weekend, which just goes to show both him and me how much they are dismissing us and our need for space from them. In the moment, we both just simply declined with a smile, with no further explanation because we didn’t want to make Mother’s Day dinner into an argument in front of everyone who may or may not even be aware of what’s going on.
Instead, he sent her a lengthy message today and clarified. He got the point across quite nicely and I didn’t have to help him write it.
Just wanted to share. 😁

So we’ve been together for a year now and we’ve been on and off for a few weeks or months. So the first time he broke up with me everything was going so well and we still talked because we both knew that we were going to get back together, but last time, he broke up with me a few days after valentine’s day. and it really hurt me because i gave him a big gift and invited him to the restaurant. We went no contact after the break up and i had a mini relationship with another guy (i only dated this guy to change my mind and he did the same) but i still had feelings for my ex. Now, a month ago, when i wasnt in a relationship with my boyfriend, my friend told me that he hit up on another girl. He was saying she was pretty and that she wanted to date her. I didn’t mind at first because he can have feelings for someone else but then i saw the dates of when he said that and it was 5 days after the break up. And now every time he tells me he loves me or that im pretty i dont believe him and i feel so insecure next to that girl and i feel so embarrassed of myself. but idk

hi before i begin this i just wanted to say this might be very long and ranty and the grammar won’t be correct. thank you if you choose to go on!!
i’m a female and i won’t disclose my age (i’m a teen) but since i was about 11 i’ve explored being bi. realizing i liked girls wasn’t a hard thing for me to truly accept to myself although i grew up with a homophobic scary father who could definitely hurt me if i told him about this. since i realized i liked girls i’ve always worried that maybe i’m just doing it for a show and maybe i’m just trying to be different. since i labeled myself as bi being unsure of that label and having no label is very uncomfortable and although some people would say just go with the flow which i do agree with that as i said i feel very uncomfortable to not be able to say to others or to myself what i am without feeling guilt that what i’m saying isn’t true. when i was in 7th grade when i was about 12 i started dating boys and my first “relationship” he guilt tripped me into being with him and when he broke up with me i felt the need to be sad or itd be like i never liked him so i forced myself to cry. then i dated his friend (…) i definitely liked him friend more however one night i started talking to this girl and i realized i did like her so the next morning i broke up with my then boyfriend for her. none of my “relationship” lasted very long about 2 weeks for the guys and around 1 month for the girl. but when i started talking to that girl i would talk about my ex and say that i missed him which i did (i feel awful about that). she broke up with me a few days after school ended and it didn’t hit me in the moment but when we went back for 8th grade i felt EXTREMELY hurt and i missed her a ton but what if i just missed our friendship? we talked again in 8th grade when i was 13 and she broke it off again (it hit me even harder that time) then we decided to stay friends (i still really liked her) then i met this boy and i do believe i really did like him but even when i liked him that girl was still on my mind always. to this day i believe she’s the only one out of my relationships that i truly loved and would go back to. the love i felt for her exceeded anything i had ever felt for a boy. and throughout all of this i’ve always felt unsure that i truly liked boys, that me liking girls wasn’t just an act. i’ve tried multiple labels but i always go back to thinking maybe i’m lesbian. i’m not sure i resonate deeply with anything in the lesbian media i feel like my experience if i am lesbian is so strange that i can’t bring my to think i have the right to identify with any lesbian character or celebrity. i’m still young and i haven’t slept or even kissed anyone and i don’t plan to for the time being. i’ve tried the lesbian label and sometimes when it was late at night when everyone was sleeping when i was 11 i would watch lesbian shows and feel okay with that label until the morning came then i’d feel the worry that it’s all just a show again. if i see an attractive guy and i recognize that i feel like i’m betraying the label of being lesbian. me liking girls is rare but maybe that’s just because they’re true feelings and not something i can’t just switch off like i can with guys. i’ve liked guys in the past but the thought of being with one now isn’t truly appealing to me. i feel like hearing just wait and see doesn’t help me because i have waited and i haven’t seen anything.
thank you for reading this and please give me advice, share your experience, tell me what you think i could be. anything to help me understand what this is. 🩷🩷

Old guy friend (M21) approached me (F23) at hometown gym after 10 years and boyfriend (M22) isn't happy - how do I act at gym from now on?
I was close friends with Steve when I was about 13 until 15. I hung out with him and Max every Friday night at a comic store playing trading card games (I still am but I was such a nerd). Fast forward, at 15, Max and I stopped being friends because he wanted to be more than friends and I was not interested. Steve always thought Max and I were going to date so when I stopped going to Friday night gaming, he assumed Max and I were dating. Max stopped talking to both of us permentantly. Steve and I connected on Instagram but didn't DM. I was nice to Steve but I got busy quickly with high school and then college.
I met the love of my life senior year of high school. Steve goes to a school different than me so he would comment rarely on my posts like "Who took this picture?" Or "Are you and Max still dating?". He said about Max on a post I made about 5 years ago. I was angry because I didn't want him messing up anything between me and my hunk (I was worried BF would read it and be upset because I was trying to get a label on us past the talking phase). I replied harshly but not meanly. Basically shutting down his comment. I felt bad and I didn't hear from Steve until about two years ago. BF and I are quite happy and in love.
Two years ago, I knew Steve was doing photography full-time (didn't go to college) and so I was trying to collaborate possibly having him take college senior photos of BF and I. Plans never made it past the possibility stage and I hired a different photographer.
Today, I was at my local gym (now that I am living back at home until I can make enough money to move out) and I got a text from Steve. I was surprised. It said "Are you at the _____ gym?" I replied "Yep" Then he said "Cool, just wanted to say hi.
Idk if texting you was more or less strange than just saying hi" and then I said "Where r u? My glasses only work 10 feet away currently also idk if I would recognize you after all this time"
Steve moved back home because his work wasn't doing well. He works in my hometown now so he said he will be frequenting my gym.
He recognized me because of my weight lifting gloves apparently, cause he said I have posted them on my Instagram story and he thought it was weird to have gloves on in free weights. (I find this sus but my mom didn't). I used to be chubby when I was 13 and now I have lost 80 pounds and I got bangs with glasses so I'm surprised he recognized me (but then again Instagram so)
My boyfriend is green with jealousy that someone I knew when I was younger who's a guy talked to me today. He said he doesn't want me to have a guy gym friend. I would like to think that being a friend with a man is no different than being friends with a woman. However, Boyfriend and I have always felt neither of us should have friends of the opposite sex, mostly because neither of us has felt a desire to because it seems like whatever you could discuss with opposite sex you can confide in your partner instead. I recognize that I need to navigate this with thought towards my boyfriend.
I'm regretting telling him to say hi to me but mostly it was because I didn't like the thought of Steve noticing me without me knowing. He texted me after "Noted. If I see ya again there, I'll say something.
Lol, I'm glad, i hate walking up to people and saying " do you remember meeee?? I look and sound and am totally different but we met before " and then I said I tried to be friends with someone there and she ghosted me. He sent me "That's always the worst, man. I find it so hard to find a gym partner. I've gotten a few contacts at the gym before, but no gym partners.
Thats so sad that she never came back" and I thought PARTNERS? Hell no. I want to be mulling in self reflection when I work out. So, how do I be friendly, but not entertain the thought of working out together?
TLDR: Old friend wants to be chummy at the gym and I feel compelled to by my mom and social standard
Also hoping Steve isn't avid of reddit posts and therefore will not realize this post is about him and make it even more awkward next time I see him

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

for context, we’ve been together around a year and broke up for about 5 months because i found out he’d cheated on me. Although he still denies it to this day despite many people telling me it did happen, including the girl he cheated with.
He went out on saturday, and i had a guy feeling that something had happened, after speaking to my friends they said i should follow up, so i did.
I rang him and acted like i knew for a fact that something had happened. Despite this being obvious and me saying that I felt like he wasn’t telling me something, he denied that he had anything to tell me for around 10 minutes.
Eventually, after being silent for about a minute, he says that a girl he didn’t know came up to him and kissed him, then he pushed her off, and he just didn’t know how to tell me, which is why he’d been acting strange.
I want to believe this, but he has a track record for lying, and if it turns out that the story’s true I’ll seem like the bad guy for breaking up with him when it wasn’t his fault. So should I believe his story or not?
tldr: my boyfriend has cheated and lied about it before, but i’m not sure whether to believe that he pushed the girl away, and whether i should break up with him.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

I was close friends with Steve when I was about 13 until 15. I hung out with him and Max every Friday night at a comic store playing trading card games (I still am but I was such a nerd). Fast forward, at 15, Max and I stopped being friends because he wanted to be more than friends and I was not interested. Steve always thought Max and I were going to date so when I stopped going to Friday night gaming, he assumed Max and I were dating. Max stopped talking to both of us permentantly. Steve and I connected on Instagram but didn't DM. I was nice to Steve but I got busy quickly with high school and then college.
I met the love of my life senior year of high school. Steve goes to a school different than me so he would comment rarely on my posts like "Who took this picture?" Or "Are you and Max still dating?". He said about Max on a post I made about 5 years ago. I was angry because I didn't want him messing up anything between me and my hunk (I was worried BF would read it and be upset because I was trying to get a label on us past the talking phase). I replied harshly but not meanly. Basically shutting down his comment. I felt bad and I didn't hear from Steve until about two years ago. BF and I are quite happy and in love.
Two years ago, I knew Steve was doing photography full-time (didn't go to college) and so I was trying to collaborate possibly having him take college senior photos of BF and I. Plans never made it past the possibility stage and I hired a different photographer.
Today, I was at my local gym (now that I am living back at home until I can make enough money to move out) and I got a text from Steve. I was surprised. It said "Are you at the _____ gym?" I replied "Yep" Then he said "Cool, just wanted to say hi.
Idk if texting you was more or less strange than just saying hi" and then I said "Where r u? My glasses only work 10 feet away currently also idk if I would recognize you after all this time"
Steve moved back home because his work wasn't doing well. He works in my hometown now so he said he will be frequenting my gym.
He recognized me because of my weight lifting gloves apparently, cause he said I have posted them on my Instagram story and he thought it was weird to have gloves on in free weights. (I find this sus but my mom didn't). I used to be chubby when I was 13 and now I have lost 80 pounds and I got bangs with glasses so I'm surprised he recognized me (but then again Instagram so)
I've always treated Steve as a little kid even though he's a foot and half taller than me, also he has never been my type. Also, we've been mutuals on Instagram since 2015.
My boyfriend is green with jealousy that someone I knew when I was younger who's a guy talked to me today. He said he doesn't want me to have a guy gym friend. I would like to think that being a friend with a man is no different than being friends with a woman. However, Boyfriend and I have always felt neither of us should have friends of the opposite sex, mostly because neither of us has felt a desire to because it seems like whatever you could discuss with opposite sex you can confide in your partner instead. I recognize that I need to navigate this with thought towards my boyfriend.
I'm regretting telling him to say hi to me but mostly it was because I didn't like the thought of Steve noticing me without me knowing. He texted me after "Noted. If I see ya again there, I'll say something.
Lol, I'm glad, i hate walking up to people and saying " do you remember meeee?? I look and sound and am totally different but we met before " and then I said I tried to be friends with someone there and she ghosted me. He sent me "That's always the worst, man. I find it so hard to find a gym partner. I've gotten a few contacts at the gym before, but no gym partners.
Thats so sad that she never came back" and I thought PARTNERS? Hell no. I want to be mulling in self reflection when I work out. So, how do I be friendly, but not entertain the thought of working out together?
TLDR: Old friend wants to be chummy at the gym and I feel compelled to by my mom and social standard
Also hoping Steve isn't avid of reddit posts and therefore will not realize this post is about him and make it even more awkward next time I see him

My LDR BF and I have been dating for around 6 months. We have known each other in person for years but he moved away. He is my first ever BF.
I have generally been a lonely person for a long time as I have always had trouble making friends. The only friends I had as a kid were a couple of guys in middle school but HS I was completely friendless, and it still affects me. After a couple months into my BF and I’s relationship, I realized I needed to make an effort to get actual social life as I cannot always rely on one singular person to always be available for the sake of socializing and having some more company, and I felt like I was getting overly attached to him to the point where it started to affect my mental health (especially when he wasn’t available).
I decided to try to make some friends on my college’s Discord server and I got a couple new friends eventually. An important note, however, they are guys. But they cannot replace how I feel towards my BF in any way. We just had similar interests and got along fairly well.
I would sometimes play video games with them and chat about college with them, however it has become hard for me to keep up with everyone and balance out my relationships. I was happy but I also felt overwhelmed, and I would sometimes cancel plans to play video games and tell them that I’ll be gone for a couple hours whenever I need some time to myself.
I would still talk to my BF, but because of my new social life it definitely was not as much as it used to be.
I’ll admit our time chatting and FaceTiming reduced. I apologized to him for that, but there were still times when I cancelled plans with my BF not because I was doing things with my friends but because I wanted to decompress from all the back-and-forth texting with others when I needed a mental break from socializing.
I would also like to note that my BF often texts in just a few words and is just simply a dry texter, so communicating can sometimes be a challenge since it’s hard to tell how he’s feeling through text. There was a time when I was gaming with friends and he asked what I was doing, I told him I was playing with friends, he said alright, and a few hours later we had an argument about how I wasn’t there for him. It’s just part of his nature to not express his feelings when he needs something.
I also understand how he feels with me being friends with guys. Another time when I told my BF about how I was playing video games with my friends, he said something like “go play with your boyfriend or whatever.” I don’t want to undermine his discomfort, but in retrospect I did not want to stop socializing with them, and I also allowed him to hang out with his female friends. As this topic came up more and more I began to consider leaving these friends and trying to find female friends, but my emotions were clouding my thinking.
I blame myself for not being able to balance my social life and relationships I honestly feel like a piece of shit for making him feel abandoned and left in the dark.
My BF told me what I did was human trash.
We had an argument last night when he said that. I wasn’t in a good mood to begin with. I told him I will stop talking to my friends, after which I impulsively messaged my friends saying that we can’t talk anymore due to personal issues. Now I regret it and I don’t know what to do. I told my BF that I miss my friends, and the conversation became a question on whether he is right for me if I still feel lonely while dating him. He also told me that he would have no reason to find new friends while in a relationship and only keep his old ones.
I tried to let him know that I’m trying to improve and that we need to improve on communication. I’ve apologized more times than I can count but what makes this difficult is how little he expresses his feelings and, though texts me a reasonable amount, usually responses the minimal word count even if I send him paragraphs of messages. I get that some people are like that, but it’s difficult to understand what’s going on in his head.
While I feel that I had a reason for doing what I did, I don’t know if it was a good reason or not.
I feel so shitty right now for doing what I did and not balancing my relationships the way I should. And I truly feel guilty. My BF told me that if I did what I did again, he’s out.
How can I reconcile with my BF while somehow getting my friends back?

I wrote you a poem, here it is

Clean-scented laundry fills the room, I can’t breathe, it smells of him, I’m now shrouded in gloom, Of a love that burned bright, and yet died too soon. Wherever you are, in your absence I weep,
Why you couldn’t stay, is a secret I keep so deep, You needed to find your own way, they’ll say, You leaned on me and we fell, caught in life’s play.
But as the memories fade, I still long for the day, When our love was the sun and when the world was our bay. I choke on your closeness, a love beyond repair, In truth, it was a soiled love in disarray, o’how life is cruel, and unfair.
And as the memories fade, I go on, wishing I’d been wiser, held on tighter, and with care. But our love that once burned so bright, has now died by our past’s despair. And so I move forward longing for a time that couldn’t last, at the very least, aware.

I've never been good at expressing myself, and you know that, having been at the brunt of it. I even came out to my mom in a letter. Here are the words I wish I could tell you now but can't.
You trusted me to care for you when you were low, but I could never do the same. My feelings were buried so deep that I couldn't find them for you. I'm sorry. It's been 3 years, and not a day has passed for me. The memories we made are as fresh as garden herbs, so it pains me to see that you've moved on. It's selfish, I know. Of course, You deserve it; You are singular and bigger than life to me. I pray at every recollection that you've found a brighter joy I couldn't provide. I'm 21 now and so are you, still young, yet the heights we reached gave us aged insight into what love should be. If nothing else, I'm glad to be a stepping stone for you on your way to finding your ultimate love and truth. I've worked hard to recognise my bpd tendencies yet remain undiagnosed for various reasons. Our last week together scored my heart and yours too. I know understand that the emotions I feel are transient, and If I work hard enough to recognise that I might just inch toward a better place. I still haunt your instragram, I saw that you took your boyfriend to the same show we attended together. I remember how much you love that show; you cried when we saw it. It belonged to you, yet I had somehow claimed it as mine all this time. It hurt not gonna lie, but this isn't about me. You've found someone to share what we once did. So while I drown in tears for the dozenth time, I am genuinely happy you've moved forward. I could never articulate this to you, but I often shudder at the thought I may never love someone as deeply as I loved you. I know, I've tried and failed. I am indifferent towards everyone, a walking corpse. But don't feel bad, this part isn't about you. This is mine while on this journey to heal wounds that were gaping before I met you. At this point I still fear the healing process. I'm starting to believe that maybe my life was meant for you. It felt that way then while I could never show it, and it feels that way now even stronger in my sorrow. My history that you couldn't have known would have told you that. Looking back I really did share nothing while you bared yourself for me. I'm so sorry to have humiliated you like that. I was nothing and when you arrived I was finally something. When you left me I reverted to nothing. Even worse than that, to have glimpsed the end of a long, draining passage and then to have lost it, it feels like I'm wandering in the dark again, and searching for an exit that is no longer accessible. The future I envision is a steep cliff. Back then It almost led me to my demise. The abyss is so deep but I haven't the courage to end this suffering I've always been acquainted with. You were my yesterday, my today, and always. The future is a mirror reflecting the past and it's all you. I'm working to change that. I am trying to move on but it really is so hard. I'm glad it seems easier for you. So as I wave goodbye from this sinking ship beyond the horizon out of sight and out of mind...
Best wishes.

I (F22) been with my boyfriend (M21) for a year now and as of lately it’s been rocky. If you look at the second previous post on my profile this is not the first time something like this has occurred so let me describe what happened this time. So i’m at my boyfriend’s house and his mother was throwing a mother’s day party. When I came I bought his mom a beautiful flower bouquet and some balloons and heartfelt card and also a min cake. She loved it and went downstairs to chill. We’re down there for a good hour and a half and he’s cuddling/ laying on me. So this new ice spice song came on and I showed it to him. When I showed him the song I said that I personally didn’t like it and that she isn’t that great of an artist. He instantly started defending her which caused us to go into a full on debate on ice spice and other female artists who are more talented and don’t get the same recognition as her. It was like he was nearly brained washed trying to defend her. (He was laying fully down on the couch with his head on my upper legs and I had my hand on his chest)
He kept trying to debate with me on my person option until it got to the point of where I checked fully out of the conversation and stopped replying. This enraged him and he threw my arm away from him and a really rude way. After he did this it hurt my feelings so i moved my legs so that his head would be laying on the couch. After I moved his head he kept trying to forcefully make me put my leg back but i refused because of how rude he was acting and then I continued to be on tiktok like we were before this big debate started. Then he snatched my phone away from me (if you read the previous post he did this before but the last time he turned off the tv while i was watching it and as a result i picked up my phone which he snatched out my hand and went away with it )
This time I tried to remain unbothered and this went on for a while too. Mind you after he snatched my phone he picked up his phone and started playing it. So after acting unbothered i snatched my phone back from him and tried to get back to what we were doing before, which was being on our phones. After I got my phone back he said “well if you’re just going to be on your phone you might as well..” and I said “go home ?” and he said yea (I honestly thought he was joking and was going to say jk or something) but when I noticed he was serious I got up and collected my belongings and went upstairs he was leading me out (side note: his mom catered food for the party and I wasn’t hungry when I first got there so they told me to pack a to go plate for later which I did) As I get up stairs I grab my purse and say goodbye to everyone and that “(my boyfriend name) is running me out of here” in like a joking manner.
Then I circle back to grab the plate that I had made then he snatched the plate out of my hand and kept me walking out the door. As I was walking out I wished everyone a happy mother’s day again and hugged his mom (she was at the front door) and kept walking down the stairs and then his mom asked him “aren’t you going to walk her out ?” and and he said “no” and slammed the door. That absolutely crushed me, I couldn’t believe how hurtful he was being to me. So I just got into my car and as I was putting my seatbelt on he appeared saying that his mom “made him” walk me out and I replied “thanks” then he asked if i was mad at him to which i replied “no” (I just couldn’t believe he would even ask me this as if he couldn’t see how upset I was)
At this point im over the disrespect, the first time this happened we talked about it and he made a promise that he was going to work on it. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore I don’t want to be with someone like that. He’s normally a very sweet and caring person idk why he has these sudden switches sometimes but it honestly is starting to take a toll on me.
I blocked him after I got home because of how upset he made me feel and he keeps reaching on different socials blaming me for the whole situation ! With a mix of saying he was sorry and that i am the rude one and that he doesn’t understand why im “doing all of this” im honestly tore between my feelings and my moral values :/ (This was a long story so I appreciated anyone who made it this far)

We met on discord on a server about a year ago. We then started becoming close after 3 weeks talking which we discovered that we had a lot in common, even with our birth dates and preferences. and after that period, he confessed to me to which I became overjoyed and accepted. We barely knew each other atp, just throwing playful and flirtatious comments. During the time that we've dated, I've been trying my best to get to know more of him, asking how he's been and just treating him like any girlfriend would. I'd call him petnames and express my love for him through texting. The only flaw is that it takes a while for him to reply back (and I mean hours). It might be because of the time difference (11hrs) since we're both literally on different sides of the continent but to honest, I don't even know either because sometimes it's morning on his side and he won't even come to reply to his texts. Throughout the 2 weeks we've been dating, it's been like this. I'm always the one who sends the first text and waiting for him to reply a few hours later. But the texting between us is just the same, fun and flirtatious. We'd talk for hours on end. Not only that, he's also a caring boyfriend as well, always telling me to take care of myself and expressing his concerns about me. It makes me doubt myself. It made me think that maybe he's just busy with his life and I should give him some space to himself. I figured that I shouldn't act too clingy since this is also my first time getting into a relationship and I might be a bit naive to what's good and what's not. So I waited for him and endured it until it was time for him to tell me he wants to break up because he thinks that he's a coward and that I deserve someone better. I'm utterly confused when I got this message after waiting for him to text me back for a whole day. I just don't know how to feel about this. One part of me says to keep trying to convince him to change his mind and the other wants to just break things off with him because of how frustrated he makes me feel before. Should I try to convince him?

we have been an official couple for less than 2 months. I’ve (F) already been to a couple of family gatherings, and was meant to go to another one this weekend. my boyfriend has a BIG family. I’m an only child with an average sized family, I wouldn’t say I’m crazy close to any of them though. if I’m being completely honest, I do think there’s trauma when I think about family, especially since my parents are divorce and this divorced caused some divides in my family, with some ppl I haven’t spoken to in years, with one of them hugely betraying my mum and trying to conspire us against each other. however, not only will there be a bunch of his cousins there, there will also be more sets of cousins who I’ve never met before, their partners, a kid, as well as his cousin’s work colleagues and some friends. I said I no longer want to go as there’s a lot of people and I get nervous in large gatherings. it’s overwhelming and I feel like it’s something I would rather reserve for later in the relationship rather than at this point.
he’s told me that he’s upset about the concept of me not going and, even though he said there’s no pressure for me to go to these events, him saying this has definitely made me feel guilty about not wanting to go anymore. a previous time I tried this, he said the same thing and that it’ll now be awkward because he’s already told them that I can go but then I said I couldn’t (my reason for not going to this event was because my own cousin had later invited me to a BBQ and I wanted to go to it as this would’ve been the last time I saw her before she flew out to move to Asia for a year).
I’ve already expressed to my bf that I would feel MUCH more comfortable meeting different people individually/in a smaller group rather than in a huge social setting (I really thrive in more intimate interactions), and he said him and his cousins rarely meet in small groups/solo. idk if I’m being a big baby about this but I feel like my boundaries are being pushed. AITAH?