I'm an introvert here..I always crush on this girl in my school where i used to talk to her casually but i never confessed to her but one of my friend revealed about my feelings to her and also he downgraded me in front of her by saying weird shits. since then she was always ignoring me and didn't invited me to her birthday but coincidently we both r in same uni , when she got to know about that through my social media. She messaged me and chit-chatted about our current life but she never talked about our past but when I try to chat with her she always try to end the conversation soon... what do u think...do u still think I still have chance

I married a guy my parents didnt like 10 years back. My parents hated it, then grew to love my husband over my other inlaws and they even helped in the wedding financially. My Dad's cousin and family did not come to the wedding citing their opposition. They berated me in my chats, to other relatives and were downright hostile, not locking eyes with me for public events. This hurt my parents too, but they have since forgiven them and used to attend their partys. Me and my husband stay away from toxic family members. Although one or two in the family had become cordial in the recent years, I still do not like them for the way they treated me and my family. Recently due to family pressure I invited them to my kids birthday too, which they didnt come for, since we didnt go for one of their functions either. Now they have invited us for another one of their functions which my Dad is emotially manipulating me to go for. In addition other family members have also called to ask us to join, since they feel I should be the one to break the Ice. I have asked them why should i be the one to break the ice, considering they were the ones who stopped talking to me and berated me. They said someone should stip this drama for the sake of the family and it should be me who should be initiating contact. I have been fighting with my family daily over this as the date approaches. My dad is now really hurt that I am not forgiving them and not taking the first step in Amends. Me and my husband think they should be the ones talking to us first and making amends, since they were hostile not just to us, but to our parents too years back. AITA for refusing to make amends with a toxic family and hurting my parents because of that?

1. Me and my husband decided to not to go a toxic family members function even though my parents and other family members have been calling to make us attend it. In addition in the multiple calls i had with my family, i set my boundaries, that i do not appreciate the way they are guilt tripping me to take the first step, when the issue was with the toxic family member.
   
2. Usually if we set boudaries and do not say yes to our parents , this makes us assholes in our community. Being Asian is being a people pleaser. I had to go to therpay to break out of my people pleasing tendencies. Now I am questioning if I am actually an asshole for not listening to my parents even though i worked hard during therpay to break out of my people pleasing tendencies
   

This is probably going to be long, I have a lot of rambling to do. This will be a huge disorganized mess so I apologize in advance for that.
Im feeling stuck in my relationship. My partner was diagnosed bpd at a young age. Sometimes she will claim it was too young to be an accurate diagnosis, understandable I guess, other times she will say she believes she has it. I try to avoid the topic, but it has come up maybe 2-3 times in our 6 years together.
I feel she shows a lot of the symptoms. I’m not trying to diagnose her by posting here, but just looking for advice and guidance from people who have been through similar relationships.
She is a very traumatized individual, I can tell she is suffering from whatever is going on. She had an awful childhood full of abuse. But she blames so much of her problems on me. We get in frequent arguments where there is always an angle to blame me, or bring up past issues. I hear about issues from our first year together on a regular basis now. She blames every negative feeling she has on me, that I make her miserable.
Things have been getting really bad recently, including a return to self harm and suicidal thoughts regularly. This wasn’t an issue for the majority of our relationship, at least not to the severity it is now.
I would probably find it a lot easier to leave this relationship if we didn’t have two children together, 4 yo and 1 yo.
One big reason I am still together with her, is that I’m kinda trying to protect my children from her. If we were to completely separate, we would likely split custody and I know that she would probably not provide a good environment for them.
I know this because we briefly separated before, she left on a 1 day notice, became essentially a promiscuous alcoholic for the brief period she was gone. Until she was kicked out of where she was staying, and had nowhere else to go but back in to our home. In her defense, getting kicked out was no fault of her own. It was a family member that has just as much issues as she does.
But she regularly claims that she was forced back home. That it’s so terrible, she is miserable, I am a terrible partner, etc. Sometimes, hours later, she will say that she chooses to be here, and wants to be here.
She claims she won’t expose our children to those things, but honestly she is just way too impulsive for me to believe that.
Anyways, today was pretty bad. For some background to some of this, she has cheated multiple times. Physically and emotionally, and is frequently pushing the boundaries to what is or is not cheating.
She has a “friend” she has been talking to since the couple months she moved out. Someone who she has previously talked to in a not so platonic manner, but has never met up with. I feel they’re basically just orbiting around waiting for their chance. Since she moved back all I know of are low effort conversations that will span a message or two every couple days. She says they invited her to go do something this weekend. Although she invited me along as well, I told her I was not okay with that. I told her my birthday was this weekend and that is absolutely not how I want to spend it. She admitted to me that she forgot my birthday. She forgot my birthday and made plans with some other guy literally on my birthday.
We don’t really get much outside help with our children, and it would’ve been nearly impossible for us to find care for them so we both could go, which I think she was probably aware of. I kind of feel she was hoping that I wouldn’t be able to, and she would go alone.
Maybe it’s controlling to tell her we aren’t going, or that I would not be okay with her going alone. But I am just so tired of this stupid, endless drama. It’s like there is always something new. I honestly feel I cannot trust her to not cheat on me given the opportunity. She would do it and just say “oops I wasn’t thinking of you”.
We got in an argument over this, where she said I only have a problem with it because, “you just wanted me to apologize for upsetting you with the idea of me having fun with a friend that likes me more than you do”. WHAT??
That honestly has left me kind of speechless since she said it. Again, I’m just so tired of everything, all of this. But I feel stuck here because I’m trying my absolute best to shield my children, and provide a good environment for them. I recognize it could be better in my home without this drama, but split custody would mean half their time is spent who knows where, around who knows what, with who knows who, and I would have much less time with them.
I don’t particularly feel she is a bad mom, she cares a lot for them and tries her best. I don’t want to try a big custody battle, I don’t want to rob my children of their mother because of things I think might happen. They both love her, and need her. But I really do not trust her to do the best by them while in her care. Im just so exhausted, I know I can’t do this forever, but I feel I have to while my children are so little and vulnerable.

I'm autistic and struggle so much with friendships. I've found when I have been able to make a friend who meets me where I'm at, the friendship seems to go really well, and if we hang out in person a lot I don't really find much difficulty maintaining the friendship at all. The last guy I was truly "mates" with, I spent probably half my time at his house, that or skateboarding with him!
But I'm finding it impossible to meet people who will do that. Who actually message me at all, nevermind invite me anywhere. I had to cut off contact with that last guy btw, because turns out hes the scum of the earth and r-worded someone, after I'd known him almost 2½ years.
Now I only have a large group of acquaintances. I call them friends because they're nice to me when I see them and I'd like to be their friend, but none of them are actually friends. They never reach out to me or invite me to anything. The other day when I mentioned it was my birthday on my insta story (I was showing off a present, not even fishing for replies), only one of them messaged me Happy Birthday (the next morning I'll add) and that was it. I always reply to all of their bday stories, and will message the people with bdays I know/remember without prompting. The only other person who messaged me happy birthday was a woman I've never even met who I sometimes reply to in dm on there. She's "spoken" to me online more than my so called friends have irl.
So what I want to try and do is meet new people, but I have no idea where to start. Ive already been to all the local venues (a couple bars, a handful of gig venues, and a club) that align with my interests countless times, and I cant seem to make a single friend anywhere. I know most of the regulars at a couple places (one of the bars I literally know pretty much every regular, and I can't actually go there and find I don't know anyone else there that night), but still none of them seem to want to be more than an acquaintance to me.
One of my downfalls, but definitely not a major factor of my difficulty when context is taken into account, is that I easily get shut out of group conversations. I find I can't get a word in and/or don't have much to add BUT, I usually find that this is because we'll be at a gig or whatever, and the 10 people round the tables are all talking about things that they've been doing with eachother, or about a friend I don't know, or about something like their jobs or unis which I can't relate to either. I want to clarify I have done voluntary work before, that I really enjoy I'll add, but nobody wants to hear about disabled children on a night out, or at all really...
I just want a friend again like before, who I can chat to and do things with rather than sitting in my room or hanging out with my dad or grandma. My ideal 20th birthday consisted of going birthday shopping with them, and that was it, because I literally couldn't do anything with anyone else anyway. I'm sorry this is now a bit of a vent post lol, I really do just want social skills advice here dw hahah

So my brother recently had a birthday party for one of his kids for which he invited me and my mom.
We didn’t know it was a party with other people but once we got there we realized due to the cars.
Granted we don’t know any of these people, they were other parents of kids brought to the party.
The minute we walk in, soon enough even though they had barely been there like 30 min, they all start leaving. Not only that but they seemed very comfortable and loud, etc, when we were not there and for a brief while after but they immediately changed their behavior and started leaving.
I don’t know why this is. Never stared at any of them and tried to act in the most no intimidating way. We don’t even know these people.
They acted almost as if jealous that we were actual relatives. I don’t know, I feel even education wise they should have stayed a little longer as to not appear as being rude.
It’s so weird. Can anyone explain and has anyone ever experienced this? I felt bad for my nephew bc one by one they all started leaving w their kids.

Background: I live in a small Midwestern community of about 500 people. I know many of them, interact with many, and am active on social media so I do keep up with a lot of the local happenings.
I was invited to a retirement party last evening. Smallish affair, nothing special just some cake and punch, beer, and cash bar. People tend to congregate with their families at these things and since it’s a small community, many people are interrelated.
I chose not to attend, gave my regards, and said I was busy. The deal is that I was at one of these ‘do’s two weeks ago with the same people and the same setup which was exactly like the one I attended a month or so before. Every gathering here, be it wedding or post-funeral dinner, birthday party, whatever is exactly the same. The same tired stories, the same guys wearing feed stores hats, the same people wanting to make sure that everyone sees them drinking. The population ranges from child to old person and it’s like they are locked in the same static, behavior.
Don’t get me wrong, these folks are nice, supportive of the community and school, but I don’t see the point of hanging out anymore. Do others my in my peerage ever feel the same way?

So for a bit of background before I start rambling, I'm a 17 year old AFAB nonbinary person and I'm fine with any pronouns.
I'm just freaking out about this because I just got an invitation to my friend's birthday and the theme of her party is pink, which means all of us are required to wear it. I'm not super excited because I always feel like crawling out of my skin when I wear pink.
I struggle a lot with this color because when I was born I was one of two girls actually born in my family. Me and the other female (who's already an adult with two kids) grew up with male siblings and cousins. So when I was born it was really special. And up until I was about 11 I was almost always decked out in pink. When I was much younger I didn't mind it and actually enjoyed wearing pink, but as I got older and more aware of myself I started feeling huge discomfort when I wore pink. At one point I even cried. I didn't understand why I felt like this, as I didn't have the right vocabulary. I was also born into a family where queerness is unacceptable so it was really difficult for me to come to terms with it in the first place.
I adore my friend and I most definitely won't force her to change the entire theme of her party just because I refuse to wear one color. But also, the thought of wearing pink still makes me feel the same way it did when I was 11. I struggle a lot with this because I know that pink is just a color and anyone can enjoy it, but in my family's culture pink is strongly associated with being a girl and I don't think I've gotten to the point where I've fully disconnected myself from that.
I also don't hate being feminine or anything- I present very femme (but also cause I'm not in a safe enough place where I can experiment with my presentation) and love participating in activities that many would consider "girly." But for me, I draw the line at pink. I like the color on its own, just not on me.
I feel bad for complaining so much about this because it's just a color (my mom has already told me to stop making such a big deal out of this) but it also causes me so much distress. I probably will end up wearing something pink to fit the theme and to not ruin my friend's special day, but I'm also worried about feeling like I want to tear out my skin.
Am I over exaggerating? My mom thinks I am, but since I am not able to safely come out, she doesn't understand the actual reason behind disliking this color so much.

It's a long one. Grab snacks.
I used to get along with my MIL. I've been with my husband for over 6.5 years, married for almost 2 months, and we have a 10 month old baby boy. I used to see her regularly as I have a beauty business and she would get one of my services every fortnight. We would talk and talk and have many things in common. She would tell me about the drama with her oldest son (I've never met him) and how his SO didn't like her and the family and always had an "issue." He hasn't been in contact with them for 10 years now since he got married and has 3 children now that his mother and siblings (besides 1 who he shares a father with) haven't met. My MIL says she doesn't acknowledge he's her son anymore.
Since we started trying for a baby in mid 2021, I started noticing the little comments here and there. Maybe it was myself being sensitive, but she would say things such as "don't have kids, they ruin your life". She has 5 kids (4 technically since oldest isn't her son apparently anymore). I don't think she's a maternal person - she's not nurturing or kind or empathetic. We struggled to fall pregnant. It took 1.5 years with medical issues between. When we finally announced I was pregnant, I was met with "See, I told you to relax!!" It didn't sit well with me since this was never the issue of why I couldn't fall pregnant, but I never said anything because I pick my battles and always was conscious of her saying this other DIL of hers had an issue with things they said and "she always complained." My MIL also invalidated the longevity of us trying to conceive: "It wasn't that long".
There were a few things my FIL said here and there, such as implying a caesarean isn't giving birth and it's the "easy way out". I find his views on many things to be from the 1950's, but tbh they're both like that. If I'm not cleaning or cooking everyday, I feel incredibly judged by them.
They also have issues with my BIL's fiancée. We get along great, we have similar parenting styles and a lot of things in common. Since I came into the family, I always heard them making fun of her for her parenting which I always found odd since I always thought the way she did things was normal... which always made me feel that if I were to have a child with their son, I'd be their next target.
Examples of what they would mock her out would be if they could only come before or after their daughter's nap time, that would be mocked "wE cAn OnLy CoMe AfTeR nAp TiMe". Or when my BIL's fiancée was standing next to the spa watching her daughter, they would speak about it like she's being too much watching her daughter in water. Little things like that. Also my husband's ex-girlfriend told my BIL and his fiancée about all the things the family had said about them (after my husband broke up with her, she liked her so she obviously felt a sense of loyalty to let her know what had been happening), so they have always known from early on they've been bitched about.
Since we had our son:
- I gave birth in a private hospital and they made comments about that
- when they came to visit us in hospital to meet our son, my MIL commented about the windows that didn't open: "it's so women can't jump out after having a baby" and kept implying ?joking? a baby is awful
- I had a pretty traumatic birth and my husband was definitely affected by it as he had to press the emergency button for my OB. When he was retelling the story to his family, my MIL said "really? Birth is easy" .. she loves to invalidate me
- they don't like they weren't able to kiss him when he was a newborn up until recently when we let them know they had permission but they are not allowed to kiss him on the mouth (I'm sure they don't like this either)
- FIL complained to BIL and his fiancee "I can't even kiss my F'ing grandson".. these two words should never be in the same sentence and I'm grossed out by his attitude
- MIL likes to make comments such as "we didn't do this and my kids are fine" (ok but are they?), "we just let babies sleep", "we just put the baby in their room and walked out and listened for them" .. I have access to the baby camera I bring over for my MIL on my phone and she does not watch nor listen out for him as I've seen him crying and standing in the cot for ages while she's doing god knows what..
- SIL was holding our son and put his rude finger up, to which I told her off and she said "it's a rite of passage"
- SIL and her husband smoke and I let them know they can't hold our son after smoking and must put a new top on and basic hygiene to which my FIL called my husband up disagreeing with it and my SIL said it's "preposterous"
- in laws booked a trip to a different state the same weekend as our wedding, assuming the wedding was a month later. They just never bothered to check the date before booking. Lucky they had booked it the day after. MIL said she would've still gone (apparently joking?)
- I told my MIL my husband was sad his father refused to say a speech at our wedding. He finally ended up doing one, telling my husband I "bullied him into it" which I did not.... and then in the speech they have pen edits of adding me into it and my BIL's fiancée told me later that they were asking around for a pen during my parents speech
- we visited my BIL, his fiancée and daughter for Christmas under the notion that only my parent in laws were also attending. 2 x SIL's and kids also rocked up without saying anything, so my BIL's fiancée ran around quickly sorting their Christmas presents out. At this wonderful family visit, smoking SIL held our son after I had seen her plain as day smoke outside before coming inside, to which my husband asked her if she had smoked, she said no, I told her I saw it, she shoved my son at me saying "alright then" with attitude, and the family left the house 10 minutes later apparently "angry"
- my MIL takes care of our son weekly (at the time was looking after him at our house because her aircon wasn't working in the summer) and I saw on the cameras out the front of our house my SIL had stopped by and was holding him, so it was safe to assume she had smoked already that morning and disregarded our boundary once again. I asked my husband to say something to which he called my MIL??? and asked her if SIL smoked, she said "She didn't smell like it but she wouldn't be disrespectful"... YES she would?
- my family have been very nice to my in laws, but in laws still liked to mention to my BIL and his fiancée they "can't keep up with her family" ... not sure what this means but my family are normal and undramatic and kind so they're probably insecure my husband loves my family
- my sister invited them to her son's 1st birthday party as a gesture of "we are all family since we share a family member" and my FIL never said hello to her or her partner.. none of them said hello to my sister's partner which I think could be racism since he's of a different ethnicity and I always hear them saying racist "jokes" (not about him, in general, but I tell them off - I haven't heard one for a while so probably behind my back now)
- MIL looked after our son at our house. When I came home, she made a point of telling me "I changed his clothes because they were dirty from CRAWLING around on the floor"
- telling our son who was in his playroom that's fenced in and trying to escape "don't worry, at NANNY'S house you can go WHEREVER you want to"
- my in laws went on a small overseas trip the past week, I had to ask my MIL about a month ago when were the dates so I could sort my son out with someone else or daycare. Her response "Oh I didn't even think of that". I understand her life doesn't revolve around looking after her grandson but damn what about if the day before she still hadn't told me
The reason why they tell my BIL and his fiancée their issues and not me or my husband is because they avoid confrontation for the longest time until they decide to blow it all up. That is why they're telling my BIL and his fiancée these things because they've been holding back for YEARS and had a long conversation with them late last year. Nothing got fixed, they were nasty to my BIL's fiancée, such as my FIL yelling at her, both gaslighting her, bringing up irrelevant things, getting mad because she doesn't parent her child the way they like.
They got annoyed at her for "bringing up the past, stop dwelling on it", but then they would bring up the past? BIL's fiancée's past issues were "my family member overheard MIL and SIL speaking shit about me at our daughter's 2nd birthday party at my house" whilst my in laws past issues were "You took our son away to live in your hometown which is an hour away and frankly too far for us to drive and not worth to see our granddaughter who doesn't even know us because we only see her for birthdays/Christmas/Easter".
My sister is happy to have my son every fortnight so he can also spend time with his cousin whilst I'm at work, so my MIL will only have him every fortnight. I see MIL on Wednesday when I drop him off so I'm going to let her know and see if she complains to my FIL and then will see if he calls my husband up. If anything happens, I'll just put him in daycare because my sister can't take him weekly. I don't think they will say anything though because my husband is a lot more defensive than my BIL, he's their golden child and they wouldn't want to ruin their relationship with him. I don't want my FIL near my child unless I'm present. The way he spoke to BIL's fiancée disgusted me and if he can yell at her, he can yell at me and I don't know what he would do in front of my child.
My husband's stance on everything?
"She was just joking"
"You don't know my mother's humor"
"Why don't you say something?"
"I don't know what annoys you"
I'm very aware this is a husband issue. Working on it. BIL's fiancée said BIL used to be the exact same, until he realised what his family are really like. He is LC now. Older brother and his wife are NC. It's nice because BIL and older brother are now back in contact, but in laws hate this and feel betrayed. How dare BIL see his brother? Appalling. My husband refuses to get back into contact with his older brother because he doesn't want to hurt his parents feelings, and only will see him if they see him. Sigh. Enmeshed feels like an understatement.
​

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/AITATAsharkymark. He posted in AmItheAsshole
Mood Spoiler: tentatively hopeful
Original Post: March 16, 2024
I (27M) have two stepbrothers, Justin (30M) and Evan (27M), our parents have been married for 15 years. I was close to be both throughout my teen years, however Evan and I no longer speak since we were 22. This is entirely my fault as I slept with his recent ex-girlfriend. I fucked up and ruined our relationship, and he will likely never speak to me again. I deserve it, and do not blame Evan at all. Justin and my stepmother also didn't speak to me for a couple years.
Evan doesn't want to see me, and so we havent been in the same room since we were 22 either. how this works is basically Evan getting invited first to anything that Justin or our parents are planning, and I am invited if he can't make it. I know it's awkward, and that I've cause this situation, I am just glad to see them at all, so it isn't my place to complain.
Justin is getting married on Monday, and Evan is his best man. Justin and I haven't really talked about the wedding at all, since I'm obviously not invited it would be awkward to do so. I booked a trip overseas during the time of his wedding, to get away instead of being home and sad not to be there. I didn't tell Justin or our parents, because there was no need to bring it up. we all know I wasn't going to be there, and why.
on Friday night Justin tried to call me but I was sleep (middle of the night where I am right now). I got his message this morning asking me to call him, and saying Evan has agreed I could come to the wedding and that he really wants me there. if I was home the wedding would be 45mins away and I'd go in a heartbeat, but im in Europe with a friend from college.
I told Justin that unfortunately I can't make it because I'm away. now he's mad at me for not telling him I was going away, and for all the effort he spent in convincing Evan to let me come. but I never asked him to do that, and I would have told him not to because I don't think its fair to Evan who has sat a boundary. I'm not trying to cause him more pain.
Justin is pissed at me, and blocked me. one of cousins said he's furious, and said like Evan he's through with me. my dad called me later and told me if it's about money he'd buy my ticket home, but I explained its not just about money (although a lot of the trip is unrefundable). if it was just me I'd consider going home, but im traveling with a friend who didn't sign up to be in Europe for 10 days by himself.
My cousins and my dad think I'm being an asshole not coming to the wedding. but I think it's unfair when the wedding is in two days. I know that the situation exists because of my actions, but AITA for not flying back tomorrow to attend the wedding?
edit: i know the majority said im NTA, but i spoke with my friend and im catching a flight home today (Monday) and coming back on Tuesday. I cant lose another brother or the opportunity to see evan. i dont think it was fair to ask, but i cant risk it.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Total NTA and your family are all idiots. You slept with dude’s ex five years ago and they’re still mad? And now they’re mad because you declined a late wedding invitation? That’s just nuts.

OOP: they had dated for 5 years and had been broken up for a month, and he hadn't wanted the relationship to end. it was absolutely wrong of me, and I completely understand why he wants nothing to do with me. he was still in love with her and I knew that, because he was my brother and my best friend. I fucked up, and so I can't be defended for what I did 5 years ago. it was bad, it was wrong. if I could take it back I would. I don't think Evan is overreacting by cutting me out of his life, as much as I miss him and wish I could change it.

Commenter: INFO: Knowing what you did about Evan's feelings and your relationship with him, how did you wind up sleeping with his ex?

OOP: Evan and I hadn't really been getting along for a couple months. (I should have realised once they broke up that the reason he was being a difficult during this time was because he was stressed because of his relationship problems, but I didn't. he just felt like he kept being an ass to me. and then when they broke up and I was trying to be there for him he made comments about how I dont understand because I've never had a gf as great as she was. which, I mean, I hadn't had a longterm gf at that point, and that was a sore spot for me and he knew it. I was trying to be a good brother and support him and he kept being an asshole to me.
I was mad at him and hurt by him. I went out one night, saw her there. we started talking, then we kissed and then went home. what was going through my mind was he said I could never get with a girl like that, so I did it.

Commenter: Your brother doesn't own her. Your entire family is being absolutely ridiculous and have convinced you that it's your fault. I recommend therapy, because this doesn't sound healthy.

OOP: i do have to admit, i am surprised at the number of people that think what i did wasnt that bad. I truly do not hold that position, and its not from my family convincing me. I believe that after they broke up my brother ex could move on and he doesnt have the right to shame her for it or to be mad at her for it (although im not sure what being mad at an ex accomplishes?), but i do truly think that my sleeping with her was wrong. it's not about what she's free to do, its about what i as his brother and friend shouldnt have done. i'd be pissed if the same thing was done to me, idk if it would last for 5 years, but id be mad. again, not mad at her, but mad at him.

Commenter: You are definitely NTA. Kudos on the self-awareness and taking responsibility for your actions. Can your dad buy your travel friend a ticket as well? Would your friend be interested in going to Justin’s wedding?
Seems like a golden opportunity to mend relationships BUT also, by Justin’s immature reaction, maybe the relationship is not ready to be mended yet.

OOP: the thing is, I didn't think Justin and I were in a bad place. he was at my birthday, he invited me to his new year's eve party. it's just known that Evan doesn't want to see me (for I think very justified reasons) and so if he is coming I don't get invited. yes this sucks for me sometimes, but I am the one that fractured the relationship and so this is a side effect of that.

Commenter: OP, what about your dad? Where has he been in all this because it sounds like your dad keeps choosing his wife and her kids over his own kid. I get maybe a month of "you could have been more tactful, son," but not 5 YEARS of letting his son be essentially thrown out of the family for one misguided adventure. And now he is chucking a tantrum because "family" so basically your only family when it suits them. Is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life

OOP: I do stuff with my dad all the time. if he's doing something he always asks me first. but it's also not like he plans a lot of stuff, usually my stepmom plans holidays and so she sends the invites first, and I get it. but like that first Christmas when Justin also wasn't speaking to me and obviously I wasnt invited home, he came to spend lunchtime with me. he never abandoned me.

Commenter: So I have a couple questions- how did step mommy treat you vs her kids when you were younger? Was there contention? I’m getting the feeling she’s the one who’s been behind this elongated estrangement. Probably whispering in Evan’s ear to continue it. I honestly don’t know any dudes who would still be this upset, over 5 years later, about an ex - not ex wife or ex fiancé or mother of child - but ex girlfriend. I saw you commented Evan said something along the lines of “you wouldn’t understand because you’d never get a girl like her” and you pulled a hold my beer moment. Did your step brother’s always treat you and talk down to you condescendingly? Seems like there’s way more to the relationships/dynamics than you’ve let on. Were you always the odd man out at your dad’s house?

OOP: my stepmother never treated me badly. I met her when I was like 10 or 11, and her and my dad got married when I was 12 I think. they didn't move in together until right before the wedding, so she wasn't really helping to raise me until I was 12, which is a little older. it was fine. yeah she was closer to my Justin and Evan and did more for them, but she and I still had our things. the flip side is my dad was closer to and did more for me probably. also, big difference is Justin and Evan lived there full-time, while I was mostly every other week because I also lived with my bio-mom, while Justin and Evan did not have a relationship with their bio-dad, at all. there wasn't contention. I seriously doubt she was encouraging Evan to continue it. when I graduated she was the one hounding me for my graduation picture so she could hang it on the wall.
I know some people have said they don't understand Evan being this mad, for this long, but I think I do. I should start my emphasising since we were 12 we were inseparable, even though I switched houses every other week and we went to different schools. we spent every weekend together. the more that I didn't explain about Evan's relationship is just how close we were. we have matching tattoos on our ass (which Justin refused to get) and upper arm (all three of us).
so around the time of the incident Evan became a real asshole to me. he was mean, condescending, always snapping at me. it had never been our relationship. he said stuff, I'd say stuff back, there were arguments. we were not on great terms at all. then he broke up with his gf, and I tried to be there to support him. I thought he was just going to go back to the old-Evan, and he didnt. the dig about me not having a gf was low because I'd talked to him about it before. he said it, I got pissed, and then I went and did what I did a few days later, because I was mad.
so, its not the case that I was odd man out with Evan, just the opposite. it's why I understand how mad he was. someone sent him a photo of us kissing in the club - idk who but I assume one of the ex's friends, and he showed up to my apartment in tears. just asking how could i. seriously I do not think my actions 5 years ago can be defended or should be minimised. I fucked up horribly, because I was mad at him.
sorry that that was more than you asked for, but there it is

Commenter: You're forgetting the other half of the bedroom tango. She slept with her exs brother, too, remember. You didn't force yourself on her. She was single and consenting. Did you ever consider that she slept with you for her own reason? Maybe she figured it was the only way to get your brother to accept that she wasn't getting back together with him.

OOP: im sure she had her reasons. but it doesnt change how i view my actions. she wanted to move on and not speak to him again, which was definitely not what i wanted, because i wasnt planning on losing my best friend.

Commenter: At this point it’s best to stay on your trip. Obviously you didn’t know the change in heart would happen so you couldn’t plan for it. Just know that this is going to affect your relationship with both of them negatively, and maybe forever. NAH because I think being mad about it is somewhat justified (so long as it doesn’t escalate further than it has)

OOP: it's certainly isn't my intention to harm my relationship with Justin. the thought of losing another brother is scary. I just honestly had no idea he was working on this and was trying to have me there. if there was even the slimmest chance I wouldn't have booked the trip. but the situation has been what it is for four years now, there never been a hint or suggesting that it would change

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: April 22, 2024 (1 month later)
Original Post where I asked if I would be TA for not going to my brother justin's wedding after a late invite. the late invite came because my other brother, Evan, who was not speaking to me and refused to be the same space with me after I slept with his ex, was invited and not me.
firstly, I would say that I really did take into consideration a lot of the comments that said I've been punished by the family enough. Evan has the right to still be mad but after this length of time I think it's time the rest of my family start treating me as an equal member again.
I did fly home for the wedding. the friend who I was on vacation with was very agreeable to me going. I know the judgement was that I would not be TA for skipping, but I was just too scared to lose Justin too. Yes, I wanted to have the conversation about him treating me equally now, but to do that I first needed him to be speaking with me.
Unexpectedly, Justin actually picked me up from the airport. he was immediately apologetic for how he talked to me and the position he put me in in forcing me to fly home, and recognized it wasn't right or fair. he even offered to pay the cost of my tickets. I accepted his apology, but told him we could talk about it more later, it was his wedding day and the focus should be on him and that.
we drove to the hotel where he and my parents and the other groomsmen, including Evan where you staying. Evan came to my room shortly after I checked in. It wasn't a happy movie scene where we hugged and all was forgiven, it was really awkward, two people on eggshells. we just sorta agreed to have a good day for Justin, and talk at some later point. in the end I am glad I went to the wedding, as unfair as Justin asking was, it was pretty clear that having both me and Evan there that day meant a lot to him. I flew back out the next day to meet my friend.
since I've been back Evan and I have been talking and have met up. I've apologized again, but also he has forcing me out. he was (understandably) mad at me, and said he just could never seem to move past being mad, and it became easier to stay mad. but he missed me, he's wanted to call and then backed off doing so. we are slowly working on things. it's awkward, but getting better. I've met his gf and been to his apartment.
I did talk to Justin more about how unfair it was, and he agreed. as Evan is no longer demanding it be a 'him-or-i' choice, the conversation with Justin was easier. I would say that I was planning to man up and tell him I would no longer agree to that situation, and I hope I would have actually done so. but the situation no longer exists. he also did try to pay for my ticket again when I came back, but I didn't accept his offer.
hopefully the year continues on this positive direction.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: that's just beyond sad. you don't have ownership over your ex. getting mad that they slept with someone after you broke up is beyond ridiculous.

OOP: honestly did not expect this many people to think what I originally did wasn't that bad. I very seriously disagree with them. the ex-gf was free to do whatever she wanted, they are correct about that, but I was suppose to be a brother and a friend, and I did not do that.

Commenter: I really don’t understand how Justin can be mad at you for leaving when it was pretty obvious you were not going to attend due to no invite. Why should you tell them you were going out of town?

OOP: I agree and Justin also agrees with that now. I think it had a lot to do with him having wedding stress and then also trying to bring me and Evan together at the same time. I think he felt like it was one chance and he didn’t want us to miss it.
He realized he had been unfair before I even spoke to him, which was why he came to pick me up from airport and apologize. That said, in the end I am glad I went

Commenter: I’m so glad you updated. This was the rare post where I read every single comment. I’m really happy to hear Justin pulled his head outta his ass. How have things been with your dad since you’ve been back? I remember one poignant comment that pointed out that your dad “saw you all the time” but also never noticed you prepping for a big trip.

OOP: things with my dad have been ok since I've been back. he was upset to learn that I wasn't in the country and hadn't mentioned to him that I was going away, which is fair. the reason he didn't know about me going away was because I didn't tell him because I didn't want him to know. even though I felt like I understood Justin's decision, it was still embarrassing and I didn't want to talk about it with anyone, including my dad, so I went away.

One more thought from OOP:
Right now I also consider myself extremely fortunate that Evan seems open to building a relationship. A couple people have suggested what i did wasn’t that bad, but I don’t agree. I understand why he was hurt and why we will probably never get back to where we were.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7.

My 12 year old is turning 13 in a few weeks. For her birthday she wants to have a camping trip with "just friends" (meaning no adults at the camp site). She said it would be okay with her if I stayed at a camp site nearby, but she really wants to have her first "friends trip." She has a group of friends including 2 other girls and 2 boys that she's done sleepovers with regularly since Covid. Over Spring Break they did a 5-sleepover bonanza (1 night at each friend's house spread out throughout the week), and have gone camping together before (with parents and with their school). They each have their own tents, because that was required for the school campout (though we do also have a big 8-person "REI Kingdom 8" family tent we could bring, it's just heavy as all getout to carry in to a spot).
The camp sites at the location we go to regularly are about 500-600 feet apart, give or take. There's only 7 of them total, and you have to hike about 1/4 mile to get to the middle one, then they are spread out horizontally along the river.
(Think of the shape of a T with the bottom of the T being the trail in, then the sites being the top of the T with the river being next to them).
If I say "yes" I would book them the spot at the end of one of the trails on the T, and book myself the next spot in (and invite other parents to come to that spot if they wanted to for their own kid's safety). The area has no cell connection, but I would buy a couple handheld radios and keep my shoes on incase I needed to hurry the 500-600 feet down the trail to them.
For Christmas one of the things my daughter got from her wishlist was a portable HD projector which she's only used in our backyard but has been itching to try out. She has this birthday "vision" of her friends camping in the woods with a campfire and scary movie on the projector, with everyone doing campfire food like sausages and s'mores while they watch on the portable screen. I would probably make sure they have the site setup and then scurry back to set up my own for the evening.
She and her friends were part of their school's optional camping trip that happened at the start of the school year. While parents didn't go on that one, they had teacher chaperones.
She's an experienced camper and sets up her own solo personal tent on trips and was an outdoor skills club through grade 5 and earned her fire safety certificate (and has managed the fire on our family campouts) so I have confidence that she would be safe. But this would be a big "independence" step that she's never done before. We're debating, if it works out then it could be a big step for her independence and confidence... but I'm also really nervous about it. If it makes a difference, all her friends are already 13 and she's the youngest in the group, but they're all in the same grade (7th).
I'm teetering on "yes" for independence and growth, but also really nervous about her being unsupervised. If I go with yes, any safety tips?

So about February I confirmed my so called “friend” really dislikes me, even though I already had a feeling that was the case. Some examples of how I noticed that would be: 1. While she was singing a basic song in our language after befriending a bunch of guys, I slightly laughed at her and said “Watch out, you’re going to become a **” , ** meaning a girl who hangs with guys and likes such type of music and smokes. Apparently, she took great offense to that, since she replied with “Watch out for yourself, because I can also find out things about you” , to which I replied sarcasticly half joking “There’s nothing to find, I’m perfect”. She then said “Oh, I’m not so sure about that” and walked off with her coffee in hand.

1. After an outing with our class, we took photos by ourselves in this stand which printed them. An another friend came and saw my picture and said, “Oh, your picture looks so cute! Hey, M, look!”, showing it to my other “friend”, which replied with “well…” while turning away.
   
2. While there was a town event happening, I messaged out groupchat inviting them out. There are 4 of us in the group. Friend 1 said she couldn’t go since she lives far away, Friend 2 said she was still debating whether she should go, and “friend” said she didn’t want to go at all. Then friend 2 wrote about 10 minutes later that she wasn’t going. Ok. About a week later, I checked my snapchat streaks, where there were photos of friend 2 and “friend” hanging out at the event.
   
3. While I help “friend” with english class, she never helps me with what I need help. She turn her paper away when I try to sneak a peek.
   

(Fyi, I was friend with 2 of the friends before, but I left the friend group after noticing I was the third wheel. I joined back after friend 2 joined. ) Ok, so then, I found out from friend 1, that “friend” actually despises me, she gossips about me about how I’m very unfriendly, telling others not to hang out with me, saying how I’m “all confident after losing weight” like I shouldn’t be? She has also been preparing her birthday party, shes even inviting guys she talks to in school about once a week, fixing the birthday party date, while trying to hide from me the fact that she’s planning something. Turns out friend 1 also dislikes her, but I feel like I should say something because “friend” mostly dislikes me, so me approaching the topic I guess would be best. Also, she invited me back into the friend group last year herself, but maybe disliked the fact that I’ve become confident. There are many more instances to her hating me. What I need is advice on how to tell her I know that she doesn’t like me and what she’s been saying and doing behind my back, because I’m too tired at pretending everything is fine.

I've been planning a surprise 40th birthday party for my husband for months. It'll be in early July, right when school holidays start (it was the only Saturday I could book it without him getting suspicious).
A lot of our friends and family have kids who will be off during that time and its common for people to plan holidays for that 1-2 weeks the kids are off from school here in Australia. Is it too early to send out invitations at the 8-week mark before people start booking school holiday trips? I'm seeing 4-weeks is the norm, but that seems to be for kids parties, not adult parties where we all have schedules and adult responsibilities to contend with. Thanks all for your thoughts and opinions!

For 3 months I've been working at a new high-end restaurant with a female coworker i'm just gonna call her Hayley (22F). Hayley has always been nice to me and real cool and as time went on we've gotten a little closer compared to how we were my first day. It all started when my other coworker came to eat there for her birthday and so happened to invite Hayley.
When I went to pass out the first round of their food I was by Hayley and she got my attention and asked if I had a number or snapchat so we could hangout so I gave her my number then my snapchat. About 2 months later I made plans with the coworker who had the birthday and she invited Hayley and ended up being a no show so Me and Hayley ended up going out anyway without her for some Hibachi and got to know each other and went shopping afterwards. She started talking to me more and when we would be in a group with other coworkers talking she would say I was her sugar daddy.
Lately, I've been bringing either some candy or sonic to work and she makes comments on my bringing it to work or eating sonic everyday and one night she asked me would I pay for her boob job and I was like "I don't really like girls with fake boobs" and she replied with "well you won't like me then". also we were texting on snap and she told me how she hated her life and I responded with "And ngl as a person in general outside of work I really like you, I think you are beautiful and cool. I enjoy talking to you and seeing you laugh and have a goodtime" and gave her advice. We had made plans to go out this weekend but this past Monday at the last minute we planned to go to the movies at 10 that night. We went there and snuck some McDonalds inside to eat. I wanted to make a move on her that night but got scared because I would put my arm on her chair she wouldn't say nothing but she'd look at me plus she sat there with her arms and legs crossed. On the way home she basically told me she enjoys my company, gave advice on work and etc. The other night I told her I liked her and she left me on seen (she's also a very dry texter but social in person) she didn't distance herself from me or tell the managers we still talk and have a good relationship and we are going out again for sure. I'm just confused on if she's interested in me or not. any advice?

i (22m) have been with my girlfriend(19f) for around 8 months now. i took her to my hometown for the first time, as it was going to be my dad’s birthday and i wanted her to meet my family. it also happened to be my ex girlfriend’s birthday around that time, who i grew up with and still talk to because she was my first love and our relationship was very impactful for me. I am a part time singer-songwriter and i have a lot of songs that mention this ex by name that i still perform to this day(theyre very meaningful to me), and i haven’t asked my girlfriend how she feels about it but she’s been to the shows and im pretty sure she’s fine with it.
anyways, after i told her i would be in town my ex invited me to her birthday party(which i was really excited about). It was a dinner with her and her family at a restaurant and i told her that my girlfriend and i would stop by. my girlfriend seemed a little confused when we got there, as she assumed that this was a party and not an intimate dinner, but she got along well with my ex and her family. she and my ex even wore the same color shirt, which i thought was really funny and i took a picture of them together to remember the whole thing.
while we were driving back, my gf seemed a little off and i asked her what was wrong. she said that it was weird that i wanted to go to this party, and it was even weirder for her to meet the girl that all of my songs are about. she said that i put her in an uncomfortable situation and didn’t really give her a choice in going to this thing and that she came to my hometown to meet MY family, not my ex’s. i thought the dinner went really well and she seemed to be getting along with my ex just fine. i think she’s overreacting and is coming off as jealous. am i missing something here? AITA?

I 21 female will not lie when I say I had a one that got away. When I was 14 I met this magnificent male 17 at the time. I love him still so much but I am now married. I know I know, I should not be married if Im still not over him. I am not here for all you to call me an A hole when I know I am. I just want to take this out of my chest and stop running from this.
For context that is important my ex and I are Mormons. This is relevant to the story because many stuff we had revolved around this.
We met when we were just teenagers I 14 and him 17 at a church event around 2017. I will not lie when I say it was love at first sight when I saw him. We danced many songs together and exchanged facebook acounts. I did not initiate anything at the being because he was dating someone at the time. But once they broke up I made my move and once he recovered that break up we started chatting and after some dates. By December he asked me if we wanted to go out. Of course I said Yes!
Time passes and as a Mormon, men once they are 18 go out and preach the word of god for a total of 2 years. He let me know that he would go on a mission once he graduated High school and I agreed on this decision because I wanted to go as well. He was such an inspiration to me as much as I was to him. He told me that thanks to my example he was able to graduate with a higher score he was able to also graduate seminary church.
We were both on the same boat. Thanks to his example I graduate with high sore average in High school as well and graduate Seminary Church While him being in his Mission.
He is the kindest person I’ve ever met. He left in December of 2018 to his mission in Tampico Mexico and I waited faithfully all those two years for him.
I waited and was studying high school while hime being on a mission. I had already met his family before him leaving, so I would go visit them occasionally on my free time. I bonded so well with all his family but especially with his mom. While him being in the mission she broke her leg and I took care of her as well as my older sister. Her mom is also one of the sweetest women I have met.
One of those years my mom did not have money to celebrate(not that it was an issue) but her mom invited me over. I went and once I was there, his family surprised me with a surprise birthday party.
There was a time where missionaries could only write emails but by that time they could now make phone calls. Guess who called me that day? He did… and i did not stop crying because he took the time to talk to his missionary president and ask for permission just to make that call.
Every month from month 1 December 2017 to the end June 2022… every month he would either write me a poetic letter, message, give me a gift, take me on a date. Maybe yes I do miss this.
It was something mutual. I would do the same for him. All the above paragraph.
Once back from his mission I told him I wanted to be enough fo him quote on quote“when I turn 19 I will on a missiona so now you will wait for me.” He was not too sure at the beginning but was ok with it by the end.
He is where the downfall goes.
I am the type of independent women that wants to do stuff on her own and was thinking long term with him. I told him to start school while I start saving up money to go on a mission. He was accepted in a physiotherapy university city and I told him “by the time im back you will be almost done with school and we can get married“. I told him I wanted to move to a border country where i could make money becasue I know English and I could take more advantage of it. I would be able to pay off my whole mission but this would only be possible if I left(we live in mexico).
I flew away and we kept a long term relashionship( 8 hours plane flight + 2 hour bus away + 2 hour different time zone). By months past he was not as happy because he just got back a couple months ago and we had to be separated. again. He also said I did not have as much time as i used to for him. I explained to him that I was making time to talk to him as much as I could and I KID YOU NOT we would talk 20 mintues daily and text every day.Me working a 10 hour shift and living 2 hours away from my Job.
We paused the relationship and I told him that. “ Before I leave i promise you i will save enough money and see you.”
My plan before going on a mission was to go home and enter the temple with my mom and dad to be invested with them in a temple. This was a special moment for them because my mom has had a drinking problem. It was years since they had gone to the temple.
They wanted to come to where i was living so i could go leave to my mission directly from where I moved to to. But i told them to save the money it was best for me to go to my local temple where they lived. And I could pature from ther with all my friends and family.(and also see my ex). I was told many times from my leaders of the church that it was not a good idea to go back home and parture from my local town because I would be more tempted by satan to not go. But i still went back home.
This was maybe the worst decision. This would change my life completly.
Once home and only weeks from waiting from recieving my calling from my mission I did fall into temptation with that boyfriend and did not go to the mission. I got sooo depressed becuase this was my most desired hope. One of those days when no one was looking I saw my calling on my own and saw it was Mexico Guadalajara…
On one of the encounters we had was with unprotected sex and was maybe pregnant. I was so confused and depressed and mad and had so much emotions running through my head .
We where young me at that time now 19 and him 21. We had to talk to his parents and tell them I would no longer go because of that incident and told him i might be prego. They advised to take a blood test that yes, I did do and came out negative. My ex and I talked a lot but i could not get my senses to full recovery.
When the test came out negative i could not stay home of how bad i felt there. I felt i had all eyes on me for not going on a mission and was scared church people start spreading rumors on why i didn’t go. Because YES, FRICKEN CRISTIANS ARE NOSEY.
I know its my fault things ended. He was so in love with me. He was willing to marry me. But I just did not know what to do. In one of those thoughts of me being confuse I tild myself the best decision for me to “feel better” was to end the relationship. So we talked and ended it.
The day I was moving to the boarder country we met up to say our last goodbye and it said most heartbreaking goodby. He said he was sorry and to please go and do my mission so he could take that gult away from his soul. I said yes but deep inside me i knew i would not go.
I went back to the place I was living at with my sister. I went 0 contact, but would always think about all the special memories we had.
I was in a dark whole once living here and I started smoking and drinking(things i did not do). I retook my job when i first arrived here. And a new guy comes in 27 male(my now husband.
The story repeats itself, but this time him with me. He saw me and it was love at first sight.
One day a friend of mine made plans for a bunch of work colleagues to go out and party so i went. The new guy and I talked from that day on and from there started going out on dates. I told him from the beining that i was shattered into a million peaces and did not want to date. That he was not my type becasue he was not mormon and would never look into him. He did not care. And told me he was willing to change his bad habits and learn more about church. Maybe because he was alone for so much time and saw a light. I felt that the light of my candle had water all poured on top of it. He told me he could see Light he had not seen in no one else. HE WAS A REBOUND. Maybe i felt lonely too?? With time we started dating
In the mean time I started to get into fights with my sister(too many fights) and she kicked me out and put a dead line. I could not afford a place on my own so he told me that we could move in together and after only a few months of dating we did that 2023. I did not want to move in because of love but I was BROKE.
While living together I would cry a lot. I did not take therapy untill months before of getting married. I admitted to him that i did not know if i was sad because of my ex, me not going on a mission, my bad decisions or all of them. It broke my heart see his break. But again i feel He was scared to be lonely as much as I am.
It broke my heart to cry for someone, but it broke more everytime my partner would comfort me.Even though he knew who I was crying for. And yes am an Ass hole in know.
We where not a perfect couple. But this was affecting me too much. I took 1 therapy class but could not afford it no more so could not continue.
While living together he did tell me he wanted to marry and I told him yes only if he decided to get baptized and cummit on his own and not because of me. He told me yes.
Before getting married i contacted my ex… and told him i was sorry for going 0 contact he accepted my apology but did not want to keep talking because he knew i was already dating someone. And this time he went 0 contact with me. And told me he was seeing someone
I never told him i still had feelings for him and in Augost of 2023 my Husband proposed. By September we got got married… Maybe everything was too quick? I was still in love with my ex and and the same time i felt bad for my husband. He truely loves me in his own way.
I waited patiently for his call the day before our marriage but nothing. So i went for it and married this guy that truely loves me.
I still tried to get over him… September, November passes and one day i mids of december out of the blue my ex called me!I will not lie that i felt butterflies in my stomatche and he told me he was sorry for going 0 contact. And told me he broke up with that one girl and was happy i was married. I truly wanted to tell him “I am not happy. I still love you” but i cant say those things… we are not a perfect marriage and many things are because of me and others because my husband had a ruff childhood. We had many discussions because he could never give me cards, buy me little gifts or take me out on date once living together or married.
I would compare my husband to my ex and sometimes tell him he was not good enough for me. This would start argument.
In the call I only told my ex boyfriend in the call thank you for your congrats Amd that was it. We started once again talking from December all around to febuary. This was legitimately just as friends and nothing flirtatious was going on.
I did not tell my husband that we where talking and i know once again i am an Ass hole and yes i know even though my ex was never flirty at any moment of time on my end this is infidelity on my end
We have been ups and downs in my marriage. And i know I am not perfect.
That last time i talked to him was in finals of Febuary of this year 2024. Prior to this I maybe was trying to think he still felt something for me but I think it was just me.
I talked to one of my friends and explianed this whole situation true of my chest and I did let her know that i was feeling really guilty of everything and told her i was going to stop talking to him but I wanted to call him one last time. She agreed and told me if this was going to make me not contact him to do it. Not only for myself but for my husband because this was not fair in any way for him.
That same day I called him and told him. That I knew he was not trying but sometimes he made me feel mixed signals. Maybe I misinterpreted them and these status he was posting were for his ex and not me his 2nd ex. I told him that I knew he was not trying this to get my attention but me in my head I was only confusing myself and started to get hope on something that was not possible. Idid tell him that these feeling for him ehere coming back.
He told me that he was sorry but he got back with his ex and was happy with her. He told me to work on my marriage with my husband and was ok to go 0 contact again with him. He told me he cared for me only as a friend and that was all he wanted.
That was exactly what I wanted him to tell me. Something enough to crush my heart and give me 0 hopes to get back together ever. I said goodbye with tears in my eyes and blocked him.
I don’t care who sees this tbh I just want to share this and take it finally off my chest. And you can call me all you want I really don’t care.
For those who ask why I did not cancel the wedding. I tried, I did tell him that I was not okay. I did try to leave this relationship because I was not happy. But he always found a way to convince me. Toxic? Yes Will leave him? Idk Do I need therapy? Yes I do need.
I love you dear ex with all my heart. You made me love God, myself, and then you. I miss you and wish you the best. If this ever gets to you…i hope that by that time, I am healed and happy.
After all this time? Yes… Always. I still have and will always loved you. I really hope my husband can make me love myself just as you did. i hope he can make me love God just as much as you did… he just got baptized and working in his own relationship with god.
Maybe one day he will love me just as much as you did and make me feel that he is the one and not you.
if you see this and if… only if you feel the same way call me
If i dont have the same number you always have my family’s facebook. Tell them you’re looking for me.But if you don’t have them just ignore this.
Thank you all for this who got all the ways to the bottom. I know its a lot to read,but maybe one can relate to this. I will read your coment in case you want to tell me anyththing.

I’ll just keep it really brief and give highlights here.
I have a BIL (30M) who is currently struggling with substance abuse. I would say that he’s been struggling with it for a while, but it has ramped up since he started dating his on and off gf. Let’s call her Ciara. Ciara (27F) has bpd and refuses to get treatment. She has threatened to unalive herself many times, and have bragged to others that she has stopped BIL from seeing family over the holidays.
We used to try and support BIL, but could no longer due to Ciara slapping our 2 year old at her birthday party. After that, we refused to be around her. After that, BIL would avoid taking her and would try to break up with her when he plans to go home.
She hasn’t changed over the years either. She yelled at my SIL at a restaurant bc my SIL was going to my husband’s birthday dinner and Ciara wasn’t invited. She also hid behind a dumpster bc she was upset that my BIL. These are other people’s experiences with her to be fair.
The issue is that his drinking problem has ended him with disciplinary issues at work. When he was asked, he said that it’s his turn to be belligerent and he wants to leave everything, go home to his mom, and start over. Although he’s become better, it seems like he goes back and forth. We tried telling him to go to a therapist, but he tries to get the therapist to tell him what to do in his life.
My husband and I have maintained low contact because we don’t want our kids to be exposed to his highs and lows. We’ve tried tough love and gentle approach, but nothing. I know it’s taking a bit of a toll on my husband bc they were pretty close. Now, he doesn’t even care at times and has become cynical.
We’ve all been worried but really don’t know where to go from here.

I don’t know what to say. I left. It hurts, it still hurts. I can’t believe it but I had too. I love her so much but I had to let her go. It hurts me. I watched her cry and beg for me. Telling me I was the best boyfriend, telling me I was better than anyone. It pains me to see her suffering. My heart i don’t know. Seeing her cry so much, seeing her pretend to be okay. It was killing me. For a month straight of me thinking what to do, only for me to be alone. Ever since my birthday a month ago, I lost everything. Now I’m here sitting alone in silence. Crying. Thinking about her. Thinking if she’s doing okay, thinking how she’s gonna handle life without me. How she’s gonna do on her tests. How she’s gonna get places. It’s killing me. It’s hurtful. Sigh. Just wishing her well. Just wishing she would come back to me or text me back or anything. But i don’t know. All I see is just her crying and hugging me begging me to stay and not leave her. Not to leave her alone, not to abandon her. Watching her begging to convert to her religion or compromise. It hurts. Now that’s what replays in my mind. That’s all I hear now. It felt like I lost a good girlfriend. But maybe it was for the best. Our relationship wasn’t the best. We argued a lot, sometimes she would hit me and k would just defend myself crying bc why is she doing this to me. I love her, why is she trying to punch me or slap me. And her anger. Her anger was the worst of it. I couldn’t handle it. I’m too sensitive and too emotional. Every time she got mad I would just shut down. Which made her even more mad. And instead of listening what was hurting me or trying to understand my feelings, she just got more mad or saying “we’re over “ then come back and say “I was just mad, I said it out of anger” she would say “we didn’t break up, it was barley a day and I just said it out of anger. It doesn’t mean anything” but to me it hurts, those words felt real. I was always scared of losing her. And her saying that too me every time she got mad at me. It broke me down more and more each time. Yet I still loved her when she came back. I love her even though she hurt me. Another incident was earlier in the relationship,she was going to prom(she was in hs and I already graduated ) and I didn’t go. So I just drive her to the prom location. While driving past the place, I saw my ex with her new bf. To let you know prom was April of 2022 and me and my ex broke up April of 2021. And I found out they were 11 months. And it caught me off guard and seeing them right in front of me hurt. Finding out that she had someone else after the relationship hurt. And my current girlfriend saw that pain. And I hid it. So that ruined everything and her happiness. Whenever we had a fight, she would bring it up. She would use things against me. And I did my best to show her the love and spend all the time I can with her to make up my mistake. But i guess it wasn’t enough. She still holds that incident against me. But i think she let that go. Last few months. Things was a little rough. Around my birthday mid March of 2024, I asked my parents if I could invite her and they said yeah. And I told her she could come. A day before my birthday. My mom changed her mind and said no. And that’s when all of the religion problem started. You see my girlfriend thought my mom didn’t like her, but in reality, my mom was just uncomfortable with how I did things. I didn’t ask her mom if I could date her daughter but also the Christian part. She is a Protestant now that I learned everything. My mom would ask me: how is your relationship going to work if you’re Catholic and she’s Protestant? How are you going to raise a baby? Are you going to convert or is she? And my girlfriend thought my mom didn’t like her. (We all work in the same place) but it was because my mom wasn’t comfortable with how I did things. And on my birthday I told my girlfriend she couldn’t come, and that when all the religion stuff happened. For a month straight I was just thinking and thinking. What do I do? Do I convert? Do I ask her to convert? What are the consequences? If I do convert, will I lose my family? Is converting okay especially if you doing it for love? It just got me thinking and thinking and she waited and waited cried begged, gave me reasons to not leave, we talked about it a little but it was just left to me to decide. All I know this that we want 1 religion,marry in one religion, and support each other in that religion and teach our kids. My first thought was convert to her religion. But then I would just be doing it for love not because I believed in her beliefs. What if my mom stops talking to me since most of my family Catholic. Then I think if that was a mortal sin since I’m forgetting my own religion and going to another. My next thought was compromising. We both stay in our own religion. 1. We are not unified and how will that affect the kids. 2. The plan was get married Christian/protestant and go to Catholic mad and teach our kids Catholic. Will she be happy knowing I’m okay with her being Protestant but not supporting and growing in her church. 3 will our marriage be recognized by the Catholic Church ? 4 a positive about this, some people say (that have gone through this route have said their partner converted eventually. But some have said it causes them to grow farther apart. My last option was breaking up. Not because I hate her or don’t love her. But because I love her enough to let her go so I’m not causing her more pain and wasting her time and breaking her heart even more. But right now I’m just crying . Regretting it . This was my first time break up with someone. I’m used to the other side where they are leaving me. But leaving her. Omg the type of pain is different. Right now I’m just looking at our conversation with a “I miss you” text but not sent. Hasn’t been a day yet and I’m already missing her. I’m just here thinking if I did the right thing or not. I’m just crying on her jacket and pretending she’s sitting next to me in my car. Sorry for the long post, I don’t have anyone to talk to. And so does she and it’s worrying me. I don’t want her to be alone. I’ve been on the other end so I know how it feels . At least I got to spend time with her yesterday and feel her hug,hand, lips, laugh, smile, and eat with her one last time. Sigh

(BAKA ALISIN KO LANG RIN)
(Di po ako nag-iinarte talagang mas na-eexpress ko sarili in English huhu sorry po if it bothers nyo or mag come off ako as maarte 🥲 also please note what i’m saying is more likely to be a spur of the moment type thing)
I got in my dream school, dream program— Ateneo. I also got into UST— now my problem is that they’re both expensive.
For context, my family can afford living above our means and aware ako na we’re more property rich than money rich kasi marami lupa, bahay bahay, farm etc kaso di mayaman in the sense that we can afford to not think about our spending.
Okay so, I’m the youngest of three siblings. Panganay graduate na and working. Yung middle child nakuha ng doctorate, first year.
Afford nila ako pag-aralin sa both schools, maybe moreso UST kaysa Ateneo but the thing is meron na agad kami relatives na willing mag sponsor and tumulong sa TF ko for Ateneo kasi tuwang tuwa sila.
Sabi ng mom & kapatid ko na panganay as a half-joke, naka mindset naman na sila na pupunta ako sa admu kung di lang daw nag pursue agad ng doctorate (this is the half joke) yung isa kong kapatid na middle child.
Tbh di ko naman inexpect papasa ako, handa na ako tanggapin na Ateneo and that program is a dream school and a dream program for a reason. As in, dream— panaginip. Handa ako kahit papaano i-face rejection but of course I still remained positive, praying to God that Thy will be done.
Kaya nung nakita kong pasa ako sa first choice and dream uni ko, sobrang saya ko and all of the sudden that dream was turning into reality. Sila mother ko willing to pay the reservation fee ng slot by May 1 nung nag-usap kami. Kaso nung nag-call na kami with mga kapatid ko nagbago na isip nila. Mas pinupush nila sa UST ako..
Maganda sa UST, I love UST don’t get me wrong ha? But when looking at liberal arts, mas nag lelean ako sa Ateneo. Yung kapatid ko na middle child kasi sa UST from shs to college and I’ve seen how they loved the uni. Kaso tbf iba faculty niya sa faculty na papasukan ko.
I’ve been a quiet child naman, I rarely ask for things unless I really really need it for school. Hell, sobrang aware ko na sa pag separate ng needs and wants ko pag naghihingi sobrang OA ko hindi ako nag-aask for anything higher than 3k (sapatos or damit for special occasions cuz they insist na ayusin ko daw naman outfit cuz rare lang) unless stuff like birthday celebration kung saan sa pagkain naman napupunta pera which I tone down on na inviting only the closest friends as opposed to halos buong batch papakainin/invite sa isang lugar.
I already got burned out following what they want and going to the high school they wanted me to go to even taking the strand they wanted me to take kahit ilang beses ko sinabi sa kanila na ayaw ko na and di ko na kaya. All I want is to choose the program I want. To go to the university I want. I have always compromised for the sake of my siblings. Wala naman akong tanim na galit sa mga kapatid ko, I’m actually very proud of them, I look up to them after all.. Kaso sobrang sakit pagdating sa university.
Alam nila dream school ko yun— sila nagtanim nung dream na yun maliit palang ako na paulit ulit nila sasabihin dapat sa Ateneo ako, na dapat mag-aral at pumasa ako sa admu. And God made that dream blossom into something I ended up loving and being passionate about once I realized what program and field I wanted.
Just because I got used to being put in the backburner, doesn’t mean I’m no longer prone to getting hurt every time it happens. Like, it just hurts to think about them forcing me into a completely different school and program when all I have ever wanted and all I could ever want is already right there being offered to me by my dream university of all places..
I have one relative willing to help with €1,000 (approx 50% per sem) of my TF in admu or even UST if I ask for it. Yung isa ko naman na relative willing na magbigay commute + allowance ko. Ako mismo willing to work if needed para sa projects and allowance ko (pride lang naman ng parents ko tumitigil)! I’m willing to wake up early and commute from MNL to Katipunan just to get to Ateneo everyday.
(Christian/Born again bit here you can choose to not read) I’m still praying to God because I know that He put this dream in ME and NOT THEM, and I know He will always make your dreams come into fruition— binigay nga Niya ay, di naman Siya tao na nambabawi.

My birthday was yesterday and to be frank, it fell short of my expectations. I feel guilty for saying that but I expected all my friends and family to show up but we only ended up having 5 people out of the 30 ish people we invited. my brother wouldn't even stay for more than 30 mins even though he had nothing else to do. And I'm not materialistic and appreciate everything I have but I only got 25 dollars and 2 b day cards...while all my friends and even my brothers a few years back got all sorts of stuff for their birthdays. On top of this, none of my extended family remembered my birthday. My dad didn't even say anything but I haven't seen him in years so it was expected, but still I held on to hope that he'd maybe reach out. All of this just made me feel unimportant and ever since last night I started developing a feeling of loneliness and dread that I can't shake. Realizing my childhood (that wasn't great) is gone stung and the sense of freedom is overshadowed by the fear and longing for more love and attention. I usually don't expect much, but I assumed this birthday would be special and more people would care and be proud of me. I just want people to see me at the end of the day, the gift part hurts but feeling forgotten is the worst feeling I've ever felt. Anyways, idk why I put this here tbh but I just wanted to get out all of the things that are on my mind. Maybe I expected too much for my b day or am being unreasonable? Also, DM's are open for any advice

4 years ago my husband and I moved to be closer to his family. In the time since, there has been a lot of conflict between us and one of his sisters. She moved herself and her son in to his elderly, disabled parents home (where she does not pay rent, or contribute to the bills), under the guise that she would be looking for her own place when her dog died. (Dog died, and she instead continued living there and got another puppy) She quit her job over a year ago and lives off the SSI her son receives because his father passed 10 years ago. She drinks like a fish and is rarely sober. She sold her car and drives their parent’s vehicle everywhere. And she hadn’t taken her son to a dentist in 5 years, even when he complained of toothaches and had visible cavities. My husband tried to talk to her several times, but both sister and mom are very defensive about how they’re raising our nephew and don’t see any issues with his lack of education (“homeschooled” for about 2 hours a day 3-4 days a week during the school year) or lack of healthcare, even though they have Medicaid. My husband finally blew up at his sister 5 months ago and threatened to call CPS because she was always drunk, not watching her kid, not giving him a real education, and ignoring his obvious dental problems. She snapped back that we were just jealous because she has a kid and we don’t (5.5 years trying and multiple failed fertility treatments on our end) and that our marriage was going to fall apart, that I was going to leave my husband? (we’ve been doing great and I was not) and that she’s a great mom. I responded to SIL that we weren’t calling CPS, rash thing my husband said out of frustration, that we love her and her son and are just really worried about both of them.. She never responded back. My husband didn’t respond to his sister and tried to talk to his mom about how he feels she and dad are enabling the drinking and basically raising her son for her. His mom started crying and blaming everyone else and said that we couldn’t understand because our lives are “so much easier than hers” (being his sister, because her husband died 10 years ago) So instead of going to in-laws for Christmas, we invited everyone to our house for Christmas Eve (SIL and son didn’t show), we’re planning to do future holidays with my side of the family, and we haven’t been to his parents house since (used to be there multiple times a week) Our other niece was having a birthday party this weekend and my MIL reached out that we should attend the party at her house, even though we made separate plans to take our niece bowling. I explained I didn’t want any weird vibes at her party and we wouldn’t be attending. MIL stated that SIL took son to dentist and had his cavities fixed and has really cut back on drinking, and she expects that we can all get along again. AITAH for refusing to go to events at their house and not being able to put aside the things that were said? I think it’s super weird that she wants us all to pretend it never happened without anyone apologizing. Is that a normal thing in family conflict?

One of my friends (17f. let’s call her sarah) has been treating me and other girls in our friend group badly. (A little history, Me and Sarah were friends last year, and constantly fought, about everything. I was fed up with Sarah’s annoying behavior, and eventually stopped talking to her. When this happened, she reported me to the principal, for “ bullying and harassment.” She was lying about it, she was actually the one bullying and harassing me. I forgave her and moved on. Sorry this story is all over the place.) recently, she’s been very difficult to handle. she is constantly blaming the stuff she does on other people, so she’s always innocent and nothing is ever her fault. the main thing that bothers me is the talks sht on EVERYONE, especially her friends. it bothers me because these people are her friends and have no clue she’s going behind their back and gossiping about her. last night, one girl in our friend group, ( let’s call her jess) was talking to her. Jess had invited Sarah to her birthday party a few months back, i was unable to go, but i’ve heard stories about it. Sarah is constantly telling me about how “ Jess and her other friends completely ignored her and left her behind.” But i’ve heard from Jess the complete opposite, which “ Sarah avoided and ignored her at her own birthday party.” I believe Jess more, because Sarah has lied about many things, many times. I wonder about when else Sarah is lying about. But last night, one of Jess’ friends, ( who was at her birthday party. We’ll call her Mary) was texting from Jess’ phone. Mary thinks Sarah is egotistical and full of herself, while Sarah thinks that about Mary. Sarah started beefing with Mary, saying the rudest stuff i’ve ever heard, (calling her self centered, surprised she has friends, cussing at her etc.) I saw these texts and was angry. Sarah had talked crap on this girl in the past, but never like this. But anyways, I asked Sarah about it, and she did her innocent act, saying “it doesn’t involve you, I was saying it to Mary, and she was mean to me first.” When Sarah said that Mary was mean to her first, I told her just because Mary was mean first doesn’t mean she needs to be rude back. She kept saying she “ didn’t want a repeat of last year.” But I told her it was inevitable. She started yelling at me and saying that she just told Mary her thoughts and ended it, I knew that was a lie though. I told her she was being extremely rude and I didn’t know she would ever say something so mean. I called her a btch and told her that she should apologize to Mary. She said no and said she was going to sleep. She kept texting Mary though. I was really mad at her for being so inconsiderate, because she doesn’t know what Mary could be going through. This Morning Sarah texted me and said “ I’m so sorry for last night, i was just attacking Mary and attacking her and i’m so sorry, it was late and i wasn’t using my brain.” First of all, it was 9 pm, not late at all. And I know she feels bad about it but i’m still mad. She’s consistently been a bad friend. She lies to us about many things. She once gave out Jess’ number to random people, then lied about it FOR WEEKS saying she didn’t. I know other people from our friend group are fed up with her, but I feel bad leaving her like this. She is forgiving, so i think she forgave me for calling her a b*tch, but i’m still frustrated with her. AITA?