Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. At one point, he missed a turn while driving with GPS and got angry at me for not helping--he disconnected his phone and threw it sideways at me (I guess so I could navigate for him, but it was a pretty retaliatory motion). We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from Italy, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about “immigrants coming to our country” and jadajadajada. The government is right wing. So yeah, being racist is almost the norm, unfortunately.
I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable and will never forget it.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin and his religion. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

Hi all
I'm a 22m united statesian math student from the midwest. At some point, I realized that math is actually (secretly) a humanity, so my closest friends have been less engineer types and more artists, historians, college philosophers, and people with a lot of empathy.
Normally, I can just hang out with my film roommates or weird people at the library, but I've got flipped seasonal depression where the loneliest time for me is summer, so this is my annual post looking for online friends to chat with.
I'm looking for people that are cool (REQUIRED), academic (ish), and more than anything curious in seeing just how far their passions go. There's way more meaning in being brave with what you do than in being smart.

Some passions of mine:

math - I'm finally doing the trifecta of undergrad classes my old math-ish degree deprived me of: real analysis, number theory, and topology. Most of my thinking energy the past year has been applied to recursive functions, data structures, and border math/cs topics I'm so sick of at this point. I can't wait to be writing proof by contradictions again for homework. My favorite "sup" is definitely the great supremum.
reading - my summer list: Stella Maris (the McCarthy epic), Permanent Record (Snowden book), Wolf Hall (tudor-core), and Traitor to His Class (bio on the coolest Roosevelt). I mostly read classic literature and history + mythology books. I'm gifting Kafka on the Shore by Murakami to my English teacher friend as it left a real mark on me when I read it last year. Also with everything going on in Palestine and the nearby protests, Chomsky and Orwell essays are so clarifying.
linux/code - I know I dissed it above, but there's definitely a before/after FOSS in my life where you discover just how composable everything is with pipes and streams. I run unix with vim, emacs, dmenu and all the rest. I like programming in golang and lisp and wanna learn haskell. LaTeX equations are also very beautiful.
history - I visited Vienna a few weeks back and saw a cool Marshal Joseph Radetzky statue. It was interesting putting myself in the mind of those 1848 Viennese students and their revolution crushed by the state power of an eighty-year-old catholic Joe... Anyway, reading about the imperial krauts is neat. Knowing about the past makes travel, talking to geriatrics, and old coins way more fun, so I've always appreciated political, cultural, and religious history.

Littler things I like:

• Rock N Roll (simon and garfunkel, fleet foxes, björk, radiohead, elliott smith, brian eno)
• Singing beatles karaoke at open mics
• Emailing random authors at 2 a.m.
• Photography
• Talking to goofy kids, old people with endangered idioms, foreigners in their own language, anyone not cowed into being boring

That's enough color about me. I wanna hear about you now!
My ideal penpal is someone that cares very deeply about ideas as well as people. If you wanna leave me swooning, send a bandcamp if you're a rockstar or a git repo if you're a hacker or anything cool you wanna show off in your domain.
Life can be a real swirl for me, but for the first time I'm starting to feel dizzy. Little chats and side-tangents of friendships are not what I need now. Please only message if there was something that really stuck with you.
If my hopes of finding inspiration and kindness from the world resonate with you, send me a PM.
cool bye now B-)

Hi all
I'm a 22m united statesian math student from the midwest. At some point, I realized that math is actually (secretly) a humanity, so my closest friends have been less engineer types and more artists, historians, college philosophers, and people with a lot of empathy.
Normally, I can just hang out with my film roommates or weird people at the library, but I've got flipped seasonal depression where the loneliest time for me is summer, so this is my annual post looking for online friends to chat with.
I'm looking for people that are cool (REQUIRED), academic (ish), and more than anything curious in seeing just how far their passions go. There's way more meaning in being brave with what you do than in being smart.

Some passions of mine:

math - I'm finally doing the trifecta of undergrad classes my old math-ish degree deprived me of: real analysis, number theory, and topology. Most of my thinking energy the past year has been applied to recursive functions, data structures, and border math/cs topics I'm so sick of at this point. I can't wait to be writing proof by contradictions again for homework. My favorite "sup" is definitely the great supremum.
reading - my summer list: Stella Maris (the McCarthy epic), Permanent Record (Snowden book), Wolf Hall (tudor-core), and Traitor to His Class (bio on the coolest Roosevelt). I mostly read classic literature and history + mythology books. I'm gifting Kafka on the Shore by Murakami to my English teacher friend as it left a real mark on me when I read it last year. Also with everything going on in Palestine and the nearby protests, Chomsky and Orwell essays are so clarifying.
linux/code - I know I dissed it above, but there's definitely a before/after FOSS in my life where you discover just how composable everything is with pipes and streams. I run unix with vim, emacs, dmenu and all the rest. I like programming in golang and lisp and wanna learn haskell. LaTeX equations are also very beautiful.
history - I visited Vienna a few weeks back and saw a cool Marshal Joseph Radetzky statue. It was interesting putting myself in the mind of those 1848 Viennese students and their revolution crushed by the state power of an eighty-year-old catholic Joe... Anyway, reading about the imperial krauts is neat. Knowing about the past makes travel, talking to geriatrics, and old coins way more fun, so I've always appreciated political, cultural, and religious history.

Littler things I like:

• Rock N Roll (simon and garfunkel, fleet foxes, björk, radiohead, elliott smith, brian eno)
• Singing beatles karaoke at open mics
• Emailing random authors at 2 a.m.
• Photography
• Talking to goofy kids, old people with endangered idioms, foreigners in their own language, anyone not cowed into being boring

That's enough color about me. I wanna hear about you now!
My ideal penpal is someone that cares very deeply about ideas as well as people. If you wanna leave me swooning, send a bandcamp if you're a rockstar or a git repo if you're a hacker or anything cool you wanna show off in your domain.
Life can be a real swirl for me, but for the first time I'm starting to feel dizzy. Little chats and side-tangents of friendships are not what I need now. Please only message if there was something that really stuck with you.
If my hopes of finding inspiration and kindness from the world resonate with you, send me a PM.
cool bye now B-)

Hi all
I'm a 22m united statesian math student from the midwest. At some point, I realized that math is actually (secretly) a humanity, so my closest friends have been less engineer types and more artists, historians, college philosophers, and people with a lot of empathy.
Normally, I can just hang out with my film roommates or weird people at the library, but I've got flipped seasonal depression where the loneliest time for me is summer, so this is my annual post looking for online friends to chat with.
I'm looking for people that are cool (REQUIRED), academic (ish), and more than anything curious in seeing just how far their passions go. There's way more meaning in being brave with what you do than in being smart.

Some passions of mine:

math - I'm finally doing the trifecta of undergrad classes my old math-ish degree deprived me of: real analysis, number theory, and topology. Most of my thinking energy the past year has been applied to recursive functions, data structures, and border math/cs topics I'm so sick of at this point. I can't wait to be writing proof by contradictions again for homework. My favorite "sup" is definitely the great supremum.
reading - my summer list: Stella Maris (the McCarthy epic), Permanent Record (Snowden book), Wolf Hall (tudor-core), and Traitor to His Class (bio on the coolest Roosevelt). I mostly read classic literature and history + mythology books. I'm gifting Kafka on the Shore by Murakami to my English teacher friend as it left a real mark on me when I read it last year. Also with everything going on in Palestine and the nearby protests, Chomsky and Orwell essays are so clarifying.
linux/code - I know I dissed it above, but there's definitely a before/after FOSS in my life where you discover just how composable everything is with pipes and streams. I run unix with vim, emacs, dmenu and all the rest. I like programming in golang and lisp and wanna learn haskell. LaTeX equations are also very beautiful.
history - I visited Vienna a few weeks back and saw a cool Marshal Joseph Radetzky statue. It was interesting putting myself in the mind of those 1848 Viennese students and their revolution crushed by the state power of an eighty-year-old catholic Joe... Anyway, reading about the imperial krauts is neat. Knowing about the past makes travel, talking to geriatrics, and old coins way more fun, so I've always appreciated political, cultural, and religious history.

Littler things I like:

• Rock N Roll (simon and garfunkel, fleet foxes, björk, radiohead, elliott smith, brian eno)
• Singing beatles karaoke at open mics
• Emailing random authors at 2 a.m.
• Photography
• Talking to goofy kids, old people with endangered idioms, foreigners in their own language, anyone not cowed into being boring

That's enough color about me. I wanna hear about you now!
My ideal penpal is someone that cares very deeply about ideas as well as people. If you wanna leave me swooning, send a bandcamp if you're a rockstar or a git repo if you're a hacker or anything cool you wanna show off in your domain.
Life can be a real swirl for me, but for the first time I'm starting to feel dizzy. Little chats and side-tangents of friendships are not what I need now. Please only message if there was something that really stuck with you.
If my hopes of finding inspiration and kindness from the world resonate with you, send me a PM.
cool bye now B-)

[edit Most a lot of people], myself included, find Shallan’s chapters to be tedious, which is actually funny if you think about shallan as a character and what she’s done…
First new (nonskybreaker) radiant to bond a spren and she was only a child.
killed her own mother in self defense
Killed her father defending her family (all older worthless brothers)
At the age of 14, went out on her own to save her family(again all older worthless brothers)
Bonded a second spren(only person to do so that we know of)
Survived a shipwreck
Conned both a slave trader and an actual con woman, eventually killing said con woman in self defense
secured a marriage to the most sought after man and house in the country
turned an entire group of brigand deserters, walked into the alethi warcamp and TOOK a position at court
Figured out and mapped the shattered plains - and pinpointed the location of Narak
Figured out and reactivated the oathgates, in doing so found urithiru
beat 2 unmade basically single-handedly,
Infiltrated 3 separate terrorist organizations; Ghostbloods entirely on her own, the revel via the plot to save the city, and the sons of honor with some help but she fully dismantled it in the process
acquired a fucking Seon
infiltrated lasting integrity; getting a herald to recognize his madness(which is absolutely bonkers)
AND to top it off she’s most likely the daughter of a herald and if that’s true, she is the first human to kill a herald in millennia, causing the entire current conflict through her actions!
The problem and cool thing with her character is that Brandon, quite well, writes her like a self entitled teenage girl who thinks she’s funny and cool because she is surrounded by yes people.
her brothers laughing to make sure she’s happy because they’re worried, or Adolin doing the because he’s into her.
Her lightweaver crew and Adolin not calling out how cringiingly edgelord veil is either because the crew don’t want to lose their meal ticket or in adolin case, because he’s worried about her mental health.
Hell even Sebarial plays along in the role of a bemused fatheuncle letting her ‘trick’ him into the deal and stipend.
The entire point of shallan is she is an annoying teenager doing impressive shit but not ever catching on that she’s a still annoying teenager. And she has honestly done some of the most impressive shit.
And she’s only 18

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

Hello! How are you? I'm from Europe, I'm 21 and I speak English/French.
My hobbies are movies/tv-shows, Disney, discovering/learning new things, deep talks...
I'm here in the hope of finding interesting people.
Please don't message me if you can't take time for me, I'm not someone you talk to only when you're "bored".
I'm seeking for long-term friendships, loyalty and commitment is a must for me, someone who can also voice chat (not every time but it's still cool to have deep talks or just talking about anything on a call once in a while).
If you can't make yourself interesting (writing more than one line), asking questions back, initiating the conversation once we're done with a topic, getting to know me, don't bother to message me.
I will of course do the same as I'm asking for, but I value quality over quantity with friends.
Have a nice day, I hope to meet new people ! :)

I've already got several ideas in mind that I thought are pretty cool but just couldn't bring myself to actually start writing any of them, I don't know where to start, I guess you decide how the whole plot goes and then you make the characters put them in the story and flesh out the details blah blah blah something like that, but...yeah I still got no idea how to start...how do you make your ideas actual stories?

Let’s do it again, friends: get stoned and listen to my thoughts on season 2, episode 2!

• Anthony and benedict are getting shaved and all i hear is the sweeney todd pipes
• kate in this beautiful jewel-toned bridgerton blue 💙
• Anthony obviously in love with kate while actively trying to court edwina. His cocky little smile kills me
• Lmfao “i cannot think of any cleverer way to say this, but noooo”
• Pen: goddamn it eloise i did exactly what you wanted and you still criticize LW
• The look colin gives pen 💗 theyve done a great job building up the polin romance
• I also hate guns and hunting and would be pissed as fuck if some dude comes in my home and starts hanging that ugly shit
• I’m honestly really happy phili gets a love match with finch
• Lord lumley seems sweet honestly. And he’s right, poetry is better read aloud. Its a type of song really. I hate that poetry is usually taught to kids by reading it silently or reading it aloud in class for the first time without any idea how to intonate or understand what theyre expressing. I had the opportunity to see a shakespeare play performed before i had read or even heard of the story and i was shocked that i was able to understand it and enjoy it. I was like why isnt this how we do it always??
• sorry i have half an english degree and i’m a real pain in the ass about it
• Also btw has anyone read the book much ado about mean girls? Its mean girls but written in shakespearean style. Its a hoot if you’re also a nerd like me
• Ok sorry back to bridgerton. I paused it for so long to type all that my tv went to screensaver mode
• Was mr dorset earnest in trying to meet with kate or was it actually orchestrated by anthony?
• I also prefer a warm spicy chai to a milky black tea
• Benedict to mondrich: sorry anthony’s an ass, I am not tho, please tell me more
• Eloise has another ribbon hat contraption. This one is like a straw beret
• I think its a bit of a weird styling choice for eloise to wear these ribbon head things. They dont offer any practicality: they dont keep her hair up or out of her face, they dont keep her head warm or shield her from the sun. they seem to be purely decorative and i feel like eloise would just rather nothing than something simply pretty
• I liked the look she had in colins return scene when it was just pinned to the side. I feel like that would be her go to
• Edwina trying so hard to hook kate up and get her off her back
• Pen is so clever. Eloise literally tells her, look i figured out where you print your LWs and pen just smirks and el goes oh your right im acting silly
• A & K arguing about the horses and once again the chemistry is so damn oobvious i’m surprised the whole of the stands isnt shouting get a room
• Lol i just noticed lumley brings back 2 cups (presumably for edwina and kate) and anthony takes kates
• The look he gives her when she whistles…boy is S M I T T E N
• Stop hollerin like a newsboy - i say this to my dog when hes outside barking at the neighbor
• Eloise finding a locked door in a place she’s not supposed to be, knocking on the door, and then immediately bothering the first person she sees is just a perfect example of her character lol
• The new lord featherington is like fuuuuck i thought this was m lucky break but i’m screwed
• Love QCs colorful wigs. Were the ornate wigs back then different colors? I can only picture them in white
• This is the first time kate’s not in blue. We’re coming out of our bridgerton blue and into our purples era. Purple represents royalty, opulence, ambition, and power. Edwina is in pink almost exclusively. Pink represents young love, girlhood, innocence
• “You are the one who is always right” benedict is good with the quick comebacks
• “Why should i be the one to admit defeat??” aka her sister hates me but i love her so im not giving in
• Zeh-bruhs
• anthony showing up with that horse is like mentioning you liked curious george and him showing up with a chimpanzee. Never gift a pet/live animal
• I like that mondrich is like fuck that snobby other club, i’m opening my own place with blackjack and hookers
• Anthony doesnt get invited to one party and he’s like WOW rude
• Time for the loser suitor show
• Surprised none of these losers did a stand up act
• Poor pen so sick of yellow. We’re gonna add that bridgerrton blue soon and see you in beautiful greens 💚
• Colin being the corniest: I really got to know someone i didn’t know at all: me
• colin to pen: you’re not a woman, youre my friend. I dont find you worth loving or fucking
• Lady F would have been happy to scheme with jack and get the cowpers money. Shed probaby end up killing cressi somehow
• Lol i love what a critic of the arts benedict is. a true artist
• i read somewhere once that its a staple of the regency romance to diss byron because he was a very popular poet at the time, so its kind of like yeah i'm a corny romantic type but i'm a cool corny romantic type. i dont like whats on the radio, i have good taste
• Anthony to benedict. Write that shit down write that shit down
• Anthony was definitely the “can i copy your homework” kid
• Anthony: you forgot to invite me. That was your mistake right? Im obviously supposed to be here??
• Literally speechless when he sees kate
• Anthony: I might not be able to give you romance, but i can take care of you and give you a happy life. Kate: you hear that shit? He’ll never love her what a pig
• Kate is treating the ton the way i treated my last job. I dont care if they like me, i’m here for the money
• Penelope once again being a shrewd business woman. Give me the discount to keep me away lol
• QC literally has no idea who pen is lol

OK I need help coming out to my Dad. As his fully grown child, I have no idea how to go about this.
I'm in kind of a complicated situation, which I'll explain, but ultimately, it's extra tough for me because we're generally as close as a Gen X child and Boomer parent can be. He's known I'm bi for a while, has seen me date both women and men, and is cool with it. He is conservative, but he's actually open-minded, into scifi and fantasy and stuff. Basically, he watches the Gayest Star Trek, Discovery, with me and is fine? But he also watches Fox News. I don't understand, but whatever.
I've been thinking and thinking about it, and I'm just stumped as to how to do this, so I'm humbly asking you lovely dudes for tips, tricks, advice, whatever.
Complicating Factors:

• We live together, have for the past few years.
• I am moving to another state in a few weeks, partly so that I can transition in a more accepting area with my chosen family.
• He's going on a trip the day I leave.

Most people have suggested leaving him a letter, but it just doesn't feel right because then I'm gone, and it's easier to write me off since I'm not physically there. And it maybe seems like I'm running away? IDK I also don't want to ruin the trip, as silly as that sounds.
BUT there's always the possibility of a big reaction if I tell him in person, and then I have to live with him for a few weeks, and how uncomfortable/unsafe would that be?
I also don't know where to even START this conversation. So... yeah. Help?

As we get into the new season, I just thought it would be fun to track and discuss the themes and motifs this show has kept up throughout the seasons so far so we can see how they play out in Season 4:)
NOTE: I have not read many spoilers. I don't mind if they come into the discussion, but please mark with a tag for anyone who doesn't want to see them!
Honestly, when I really laid all these out, it made me appreciate the writing so much more, even in moments I didn't really care for the first time around.
Plus analyzing stuff like this is fun for super cool people. Join me!
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• What it Means to Save Someone

This is probably the main theme of the series and the thing that becomes the biggest downfall for all our protagonists. "Saving Someone" has now become something that puts the viewer on edge.
How many times has a character exclaimed "I'm trying to save you," when actually all they're doing is trying to serve their own selfish agenda and alleviate their own guilt or affirm their image of themselves?
I could seriously write a whole essay about this and how it ties to the idea of What it Means to Be a Hero. But feel free to discuss it more in the comments.

• Subverting "Truth, Justice, and the American Way

The Boys is constantly exploring how Vought and The Boys bend the truth to serve their own agenda and are constantly asserting that the definition of truth typically belongs to whoever has the power (Power being another big motif).
Justice vs. Vengeance is also a big one that keeps coming up. Starlight is arguably the only character who is earnestly pursuing true justice on this show and tbh, it cramps everyone's style. MM and Hughie also great characters to follow for this because they are both genuinely trying to do the right thing and are often seduced by Butcher's much more attractive Vengeance call.

• Mother and Father Relationships

This is another one that could turn into a whole essay and one that I'd probably have to go back and take more notes to explore. But I think it really ties into this idea of Power and Responsibility. Because isn't that the cornerstone of what it means to be a parent?
Children are seen by society as the ultimate innocents who must be protected at all costs, but they are so often abused and exploited by the people who are supposed to protect them - Even when it's unintentional. Parents so often see children as extensions of themselves rather than individuals. Simply tools to affirm their own existence or be mirrors of themselves (which ties into the whole selfish "I'm trying to save you" theme).
We see this explored with Ryan a lot, but this was beautifully culminated at the end of S3 when MM realizes he needs to be honest with his daughter about what he's been going through, not to justify his mistakes, but to show her respect and acknowledgement of a two-way relationship.

• Power in the Hands of Women and Power in the Hands of POC

Oh man. This is another one that's like... A whole ass paper.
Super powers are definitely a vehicle to explore societal power with woman and POC on this show and the daunting idea that even with superpowers or wealth, race and gender can still be used as kryptonite.
We see it touched on in the ongoing discussions of how to properly "play the game" and achieve real power.
We see the Power and Women explored pretty in depth in Season 2, but Ashley is a really awesome ongoing exploration of this theme through a gender lens as she rises to power at Vought.
A Train and Noir are an obvious example of this exploration through a racial lens, but it's definitely also been touched on through pretty much every character of color on this show. I think they really got into it in a really interesting way on Gen V as well, but I don't want to bog this down any harder.

• Gender Roles and Toxic Masculinity

Just making sure everyone is on the same page - Toxic Masculinity does NOT mean that masculinity is inherently toxic. It is meant to focus on the unhealthy presentations and expectations of performing the role of "being a man."
Toxic Masculinity really became the focus of Season 3. We see that most clearly in the character of Soldier Boy (though I do worry that due to Jensen Ackles natural charisma, it didn't quite achieve the impact the writers intended), but also in Hughie.
Although many people (including me) felt like it was a disappointing step back for Hughie, I'm actually leaning back the other way on the rewatch. I think that the feeling powerless (which is something we feel as ordinary citizens all the time) moment Hughie had when he realized all the work he did with Neuman was built on a lie probably threw a lot out of whack. It makes perfect sense that the comments about his vulnerability and softness might start hitting a little differently than they used to.
Frenchie and MM on the other hand, are great examples of characters of healthy masculinity in their willingness to share power, be vulnerable, and self reflect so that they are able to support the interests of their loved ones.

• What is REAL Power?

This is the final theme I'll mention because it's a big one and I think it's going to be important in the upcoming season. Where does real power come from? Money? Strength? Social influence? Knowledge? Relationships?
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Okay I'm tired of typing and it's likely that only four people will comment on this if I'm lucky.
I hope you enjoy discussing (feel free to add your own big themes if I missed any) and I hope that being aware of these themes make the upcoming season more fun to watch.

To be honest, I wasn't sure that the Advice sub would let me post this there so I'm posting it here because it's so fucked up. And it didn't seem right for Let's Not Meet, either. But I do need advice, because I feel I'm losing my fucking mind.
So I (30F) have always been very close to my cousin (30F), let's call her Angela. Because we're the same age, our parents (my mom and her father are siblings) went through all the same stages with us and as such, we were more or less raised like siblings due to how much time our families spent together.
We even had homes in the country in the same township, which is where I think this happened. And I can't really tell my family this because it will make me sound legitimately crazy. And some part of me even doubts this memory, but at the same time I know in my heart that it's true. It's a complicated feeling, and this memory was brought to light last week when my suspicion I've had for years was more or less confirmed.
One winter, sixteen years ago, when Angela and I were both fourteen, both of our families were at our cottages, a twenty minute drive from each other. Angela and her little brother (my cousin, let's call him James) parents (my aunt and uncle) were going skiing one morning, and I wanted to go too. So I spent the night at their cottage, like I often did when we all went up north.
Angela's bedroom had two single beds in it, and James' room was down the hall. The whole house was open concept, so the hall from Angela's room to James' room did not have walls, but rather was bordered by two railings over which you could see down into the main floor, the open concept living and dining rooms.
James is four years younger than us, and when he was 10, he was such a typical little boy/little brother, it's almost cartoonish to look back on. Like, I'm talking *constantly* bothering us, putting a stink bomb on a remote control car that he would sneak into our rooms, trying to read Angela's diary when we weren't in her bedroom, just all the stuff. But never anything cruel or out of the ordinary or sinister, just a massive handful.
The basement of James and Angela's cottage was filled with storage and old toys, and sometimes (on the rare occasion) that we'd willingly play with James, we'd all go down to the basement and try to freak each other out. Anyway, one of the toys in the basement was your typical Raggedy-Ann doll from the 60s or something. I think it belonged to my uncle when he was a kid and then Angela when she was a baby. Her name was Trilly. I forget who named it. Anyway, I have vague memories of playing with it when we were much younger and pretending it was our third cousin or our little daughter. But since then she'd sat in storage in the basement.
But, what great nightmare material! Right?! A creepy, limp, smiling doll. So the night I stayed over, before we went skiing in the morning, James, Angela and I were up to our playing in the basement, and I remember we tried to freak James out by pretending Trilly was alive or something like that. Whatever. Game over, we all had dinner with the parents, then watched a movie as a family and went to bed. James to his room and Angela and me to Angela's room.
Now this is the thing. Angela and I still joke about this night, and she remembers it just like I do, which is why I sort of wrote off my hypothesis until last week. That night, in the middle of the night, I started tossing and turning. I woke up and could tell that Angela was stirring as well. One of us said to the other, "are you awake?" and the other said "yes," and we realized that we both couldn't sleep or were woken up by the same thing or were both just feeling restless. But then, at the other end of her room, Trilly was sitting in the fucking desk chair.
I think it was Angela who pointed it out. We saw a shadow, thinking it was a person, freaked out, and then relaxed briefly when we saw it was just the doll. But then we got freaked out all over again and were like, "why the FUCK is this FUCKING doll in your room!?!?", murderously standing up and going over to it to pick it up and throw it in James' room and pound the living Christ out of him.
We turn on all the lights, turn on the hall light, stomp down the hall into his room and turn on his lights, and see he's not in his bed. We then go downstairs (my aunt and uncle's room was on the main floor), Trilly still in Angela's hands, and hear my aunt and James in the washroom. Turns out James had been sick for the last few hours and my aunt had been up all night with him as he was throwing up in the washroom. And when we saw the scene we immediately could tell that James had nothing to do with Trilly. Like, it was just one of those really believable situations where we could tell James truly had no idea what was going on. We even felt bad for him. And, to top it off, when we told him the story in the morning it scared him so much that he didn't go into the basement for like a year. Anyway, it just seemed really sincere.
So Angela and I went back up to her room and we were like, "are we *sure* we didn't bring this up here last night? Are we sure? We must have." Anyway, while we were really freaked, we figured that it was explainable. We knew the doll obviously didn't walk itself upstairs like it was some horror movie. But, because we were fourteen and all for the drama (and I remember us having the "better safe than sorry" mindset) we called her dog upstairs (Bella, a poorly behaved black poodle). We started playing tug-of-war with Bella, using Trilly as the toy, and eventually Bella ripped her to shreds.
Anyway, funny memory, making the dog rip up the doll, we laughed and thought we were tough and cool, then we went back to bed.
The next morning, instead of all of us going skiing, it was just Me, Angela, and my Uncle, because James stayed home with my aunt on account of his stomach flu. But when we woke up, Angela was acting weird. Nothing too noteable, just really bizarrely quiet as she moved around her room to get her clothes out of her drawers and get changed. She didn't, like, acknowledge me in her room. I said something like "morning" when she didn't acknowledge me, and she looked at me and then turned back to her drawers and kept getting changed.
And she was looking around weirdly, I remember that too. Almost like she'd misplaced something, but a little more dazed than that. Just moving strangely. Then she went downstairs without saying anything to me at all. I thought maybe she was just super groggy... but it still felt really weird.
When I went downstairs, she was standing at the island in the kitchen buttering toast that my uncle had put in for us. I distinctly remember walking up beside her and the toaster, pulling a piece of toast out of it, putting it on the plate that had been set out for me, and when I dipped the knife into the container of butter, Angela smacked my hand away, hard, and looked at me and snapped, "what are you doing? Don't take things that aren't yours". I was shocked. It honestly felt like being struck in the face. She'd never spoken to me like that before, and even though we were like siblings, I still felt that kind of mortifying embarrassment you feel when someone calls you out on misbehaving, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong; but it *was* her family's butter and bread? I don't know. That's what I remember thinking. But it was awkward and weird and I just said, "um, what?" and then she didn't say anything, just kept buttering her toast, and I mumbled some apology.
The three of us then drove to the ski hill and, I kid you not, Angela and I didn't speak the whole way there. I had no idea what was up, but I didn't want to ask with her dad in the car.
Then when we got to the ski hill, we went skiing just the two of us and on the chairlift during the first run I mustered up the courage to say "Hey, did I do something wrong? I feel like you're really mad at me or something". And she turned to look at me and was confused. Not friendly, not warm, not reassuring, but confused. It was almost as if I was a stranger and she looked at me as if to say, "sorry, who are you? why are you talking to me?"
And she responded in a formal way: "Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about". The distance in her voice was really eerie, and I started to think maybe this had to do with the doll incident the night before and either she was trying to extend the prank, and she was the one who had put the doll on the chair, OR she felt guilty that we ruined this family doll and she resented me for being a part of it. Anyway, when we got to the top of the hill, she skied down quickly and didn't wait for me to go back up again, and we ended up skiing separately.
I felt awkward and embarrassed like I'd done something wrong. I ended up skiing with my uncle who asked me what was up with us, and I just said I didn't know. Then after our day of skiing, he dropped me off at my family's cottage and continued on home with Angela.
For the rest of that whole school year (we were in ninth grade), Angela and I didn't really speak. It was really sad. We were like sisters before, but better because we weren't actually sisters, but cousins, and so we were like best friends that were related. Seriously, we were really close. And it really messed me up, I felt like she just ghosted me. I would text her and call her house but she was always "fine" or "with Jessica" (her best friend). I chalked it up to her just outgrowing me, and it really fucking sucked. But, to be honest, it was so jarring and such a stark shift that I was more confused than hurt. I talked to my mom about it and she explained to me how rough it can be to be a teenage girl.
But that following summer, we were up at our cottages again, and our family had a barbecue and invited over my aunt and uncle and Angela and James. I had seen Angela at family things a couple of times since and she would just kind of ignore me and spend the whole time texting, which is what I expected this time.
Sure enough, that's what happened for the first bit of the barbecue. But then when the food was ready, she came up beside me as we were dressing our hamburgers at the condiment table and said, "oh my god, remember that night we got Bella to ruin Trilly?" and I was so shocked by her friendly tone, by her acting as though she were picking up a conversation we just were having, that I just stared at her and said, "yeah, that was crazy". And she said, "yeah, so funny. Anyway, how've you been?" again, really different and formal. I almost couldn't get past how altered her tone was, like we'd never even met. In fact she seemed so sprightly and kind that I thought she was mocking me.
And our relationship since that barbecue carried on just like that. She started talking to me more, but I'd reference inside jokes or ways we used to be or things we used to do and she never really latched on to any of them. I was caught between thinking she'd outgrown me and thinking she was like embarrassed of our closeness before or something and was trying to move on. I talked to my mom about this, and again got the speech about how teenage girls can be really cruel/strange sometimes.
So until we were about 22, we were like that. Nice to each other, talking sometimes, not that close, and I learned to not try and act like we were all close or that we had been close. I talked to my friends about it too and they said it was normal for friendships to change like that. But something felt off about this. I started to honestly feel crazy for hanging on to this "before" memory of Angela so much.
Then when we were 22, we grew apart. This time, it was mutual and natural. I moved cities, and she got engaged and became a real estate agent and we just had nothing to talk about. It was gradual and I didn't notice it much. Which brings us to eight years later, just last week.
I was travelling in Iceland. I had to be there (very randomly) for a conference/workshop I was leading for work, and turned it into a vacation. Rented a car, decided I was going to drive across the island after the conference was over and stay on the east part and explore a bit.
Day four of my seven-day long road trip. It's mid-afternoon, I'm hungry. I've been driving for three hours and have come across no sign of civilization at all, and it was fifty miles to the next town. But then, voila! A little gas station/general store/cafe! Perfect!
Ah, fuck. I literally can't believe I'm writing this. It makes me sound fucking crazy. But here I go.
I park in the little three-car parking lot. I get out of my car, step onto the gravel, the sky is white, expansive, there are mountains everywhere around me, fields, sheep. The air is fresh. Seriously middle of nowhere. I walk up the wooden rickety steps and push open the door and hear the door chimes go. A man walks out from the back room and greets me, and the place is cute. There's a little handwritten menu above the cash register and I asked him in my pathetic Icelandic/English mix if I could have the gravlax toast. He's very friendly and kind and says yes, asks if I want a coffee, I say yes please, blah blah, he rings me up at the cash register, and I go and sit at the one table they have and wait for my food.
I look around - it's mostly a fishing supplies store with some general groceries. The man opens the door to the room from which he came, the kitchen I suppose, and says the order to the lady in the back who looks like she's doing some prep cooking. Immediately I stop. It's freaking Angela!!!! Or I thought it was.
Now, remember, I hadn't seen Angela in about eight years. Since her dad passed away when we were twenty-three, and because I'd moved cities, we just had no reason to really see each other especially after growing so far apart.
So, like, OH MY GOD, it's Angela! She's working at a random little general store in middle-of-nowhere Iceland! But wait, I thought. No. This is obviously not-fucking-Angela. Angela is a real estate agent in my hometown. I'd obviously know if she lived in Iceland lol. Right? I don't really use social media but the odd time I do, she'll pop up here and there. But I guess not enough for me to *confirm* she still lived in my hometown.
But anyway, she looked enough like Angela that I went right up to the cash register and rang the little bell and the guy came back out and when he opened the door I was able to get another look at her, and my heart skidded. A chill spread across my crown. It was one hundred percent Angela. Like, my full-on cousin. So, looking over the guys' shoulder, RIGHT AT ANGELA, I smile and say, "Angela!! Oh my god!!" and before she could respond, the door shut again.
And the guy at the cash smiled really big, a nice, friendly, smile and he looked surprised as well, and pointed back over his shoulder and then at me, as if to say, "you two know each other?!" which confirmed for me that her name was Angela, because he seemed really delighted at the coincidence. Expecting her to emerge from the kitchen, I walked around to behind the cash register (the invitation was implied by the guy) and he put his arm back to open the door for me, or for Angela, whom we both expected to be making her way over to me, too.
When he opened the door, she was head-down again, chopping vegetables. I walked through the door and said, "Angela? Angela!" smiling, thinking she hadn't seen me yet or realized who I was, all context considered. She looked up at me, and then quickly, as though avoiding my eyes, looked down. "Hey", she said, quietly, at the cutting board.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? Before I could ask anything, she said, "I'm really sorry, okay?"
What?
She repeated herself and then continued: "I'm really sorry okay? But we can't talk".
I actually, like, had no clue what was happening. I was looking into the eyes of my cousin whom I hadn't seen in forever in some random fucking shack in Iceland and she was acting skittish and afraid. I opened my mouth to protest and she said, "I need you to leave," then she called the guy's name and said something to him in Icelandic. She can speak Icelandic??!
The guy came in, his demeanour totally different. Almost like he was a bouncer. He gestured to my coffee and toast that were ready to go, took them in his hands and ushered me out of the kitchen and I could tell I no longer was welcome. Either I wasn't welcome or I was in danger, or both. It felt more like the former. And I don't think the guy had any idea what was going on, either. I think she must have said something to him like "I don't know this person, this person is crazy" or something. That's how he was acting toward me.
I got in my car, I drove five minutes down the road, and pulled over. I miraculously had service and I called my mom and told her everything. She kind of just laughed at me and was like "Many-Patient2894, that obviously wasn't Angela". And joked about me making some poor Icelandic woman feel extremely weird. But based off the guy's reaction when I said her name, her name was Angela, and the way she spoke to me and said sorry and said we couldn't talk, like, she knew me too. I told my mom all of this and I sounded fucking crazy and she just was basically like, "Haha, yeah, weird". I think she thinks I was making up the part about the apology.
I told all of my friends this, when I was still in Iceland, and they all reacted like my mom did. At this point, I had four days left in the country, and I kept wanting to return to the cafe/general store. But I didn't. I started to think maybe the woman thought I was someone else. But then I kept coming back to, but wait, this person was Angela. Her name, her body, her face, like I just didn't know what to do.
This brings me to two days ago, the day before yesterday, when I returned to Canada, where I live. It's eight o'clock in the morning and I'm on my way to work. In my car. Just picked up a coffee. Exhausted. Not thinking about Angela at all. Thinking about my laundry, my bills, what I'm going to make for dinner. The traffic is bad and it's a miserable day outside.
My phone dings. It's a random number. The text reads: "Hey! It's Angela! How was your trip?"
Haven't heard from her in eight years (except for our run-in in Iceland, if indeed it was one). No "how have you been??", no "I miss you!!" no "long time no talk/see!". I also hadn't posted anything about my trip on social media. Unless you were a friend of mine, you didn't know I was there.
I immediately call my mom, who follows Angela on Instagram, and ask her to look at her profile. Sure enough, Angela (not at all to my mother's surprise), is posting stories of the bachelorette party she's at in Miami. She's, like, not at all in Iceland.
I have no idea what's going on. And the way Angela/the woman spoke to me in the cafe had the cadence and softness that Angela had, and in my memory, lost, starting the morning of the skiing after the incident with Trilly and the dog. For some reason I'm fully back there in my memory now, realizing that that was the first morning of "the new Angela", the one that seemed to have no emotional memory of me at all. Like, the Iceland Angela seemed more like the "before" Angela.
I haven't replied to the text. I have no idea if it was bachelorette party Miami Angela or Iceland Angela that sent me the message, the area code is from neither Angela's hometown or Iceland.
I need advice, I have no idea what to do or who to talk to. Do I reply to the text? What do I say? I feel like the real Angela is fucking trapped in Iceland or something and has been for a long time. Or I don't even know. I have no idea what to do.

Okay, so I think y'all are gonna need some context first. I (15M, a few months away from turning 16) have a brother (18M), let's call him Greg (obviously NOT his real name). 2 years ago, I accidentally saw Greg's twitter profile and questioned the fact that his pronouns were She/her, which unsurprisingly puzzled me as I had no idea why. After a quick conversation on discord, as to not raise hell from my parents (now 52M and 53F), he confessed to feeling like he wanted to be a woman. Now bear in mind, I respected it and didn't give two craps, I was never too close with my family (nothing extreme though) and couldn't care less. I think it was a few weeks later, 1 or 2 i think, my mother found out. I do believe he told her himself, maybe knowing she wasn't gonna be the first to realize what was going on. And here's where crap hit the fan, you could say, as it started a living hell.
Something people might not know about my parents is, they are VERY stubborn on their ways (a.k.a. their old-as-heck mindset), and my mother didn't exactly like the idea that my brother was trans (oh yeah, he later admitted that same day that he liked both genders, but nobody cared about it as much, Greg included). My mother did ask for my opinion but I said "I dont care what Greg does with his life, it means nothing to me. As long as you stay out of my way, I'm fine with whatever happens. Though, I do kinda get where he's coming from, I wont intervene", and proceeded to leave to my room as it truly meant nothing.
Or so I thought, because a few months later, Greg was bold enough to come to me, clearly stating he wanted me to give him my old phone (an old Alcatel that could barely use WhatsApp and didn't even have a touchscreen, that was my first phone before my actual iPhone 6s I got from backmarket). He intended to sell his iPhone 7 for money to get himself private health care (in my country, public health care IS free but my parents were in control), obviously behind my parents' backs, and he also tried selling me his laptop (which did just recently get passed down to me but for free AND better reasons) with a BROKEN BATTERY for $200. Guys, the damn battery fix costs, and Greg told me that himself, ANOTHER 50 DOLLARS. All I could think was "Is this moron effing joking?", but no he was not and he insisted, but he went back empty-handed and I had a cool threat under my belt in case I needed it. I thought of it like that mainly because of how paranoid I am, and I always like to prepare for the worst case scenario.
Coincidentally, that came like a month later when I was summoned to an exceptionally rare (and awkward ngl) family meeting discussing Greg's feelings and, after a year of me finding out, revealed the truth to my father. As a backup plan, I picked up the Alcatel and stuff it into my pocket just in case (and that, everyone, is why you need to have pockets in your clothes at all times). Sure, I didn't use it, but I was ready to. My father was pretty much mortified at the revelation. And while my father is a great manipulator and always says thing with the intent to trick Greg and me, I did empathize with him a fair bit, honestly.
After this day, we entered what I will call the Horror Year, filled with constant arguing between parents and Greg, and them venting it all out on me. Now before you comment how "you could've done the same", no I could not, my one and only best friend deserves WAY better than getting even slightly involved in this BS. So I ended up holding everything to myself, seeing how my brother cried and my parents yelled at him or even hit him on one occasion (boy was that loud, I heard that with my headphones on but thankfully wasnt a strong swing) and hearing them all vent their crap on ME, my brother telling me how "my parents should un-alive", or "how they suck and wont help me recover my mental health and study what I want" (he wants to get into gamedev in Japan) or even how "they'd rather buy me a car before helping me achieve my dreams" (both cost around the same according to Greg and his internet research bs), and hearing my parents say how "you both can do whatever you want here in your country better than abroad" (most likely false especially in gamedev, by the way) or how "he's just throwing a tantrum" and that "he's just an inexperienced brat who has no idea about life and how hard real life is". They are also the kinda parents that never understood things like us appreciating our videogame save files and considering games something more than a "just for a little bit of time" kinda hobby. That is especially true for me. They even say that nothing in my house is mine, but rather that all of it is THEIRS and THEY are letting us BORROW our computers and stuff, coz THEY paid for it so THEY own it and THEY should be able to use our computers (especially mine apparently) anytime they want it with or without our consent or knowledge. of course they cant as my user has a huge password LOL. But yeah, you get the idea of just how everyone here acts.
To be frank with y'all, I'm starting to lose it. A few days ago, my brother went to an appointment with the doctor to get his treatment and was told there were health risks (very low according to Greg, decently important according to my parents) and to also attend a psychologist (he cried cuz of all that, like LEGIT crying). Actually that all happened yesterday as of writing. Now, I'm losing my patience and told my mother to "not be surprised if one day my mind shuts down and I hurt someone here, coz I just might if you a**holes dont effing stop this BS". I seriously might just blow up, and I think my wooden katana I have for martial arts classes wont like it too much when I do blow up. Not only am I scared that my family dividing might affect me, but I also resent them all for making me suffer in a broken home, all by myself with NOONE to trust. I have the power to try and manipulate the situation a little bit but I dont know how. Cn anyone help me?
P.S.: I told my parents I wanted them to let Greg do it before his appointment with the doctor, mainly coz I want him to learn the hard way if he ends up regretting his choice just the same way I learnt from my own mistakes. Still dont care about his or my parent's feelings though.
TL;DR: My trans brother is causing hell in my family and they all vent on ME, now I'm stuck in a very annoying situation. What do I do now?

I need support and assistance on determining the line between maladaptive daydreams and OSDD-1b.
How do I know whether this is MD or OSDD-1b? Is my experience just another level of MD?
Basic Info:
• I daydream mostly about myself able to do cool things (playing violin, paint good arts, etc but not involving fictional characters; I daydream about impressing my peers with it)
• I discovered two good ‘friends’ in my mind since a year ago. One is quiet and one is joyous.
• Joyous’s writing style is different. He likes to write. I am aware when he’s using my computer to write, but it’s like I’m flat on the mind. I can’t interrupt and can’t be bothered to interrupt when I can just lay back and rest.
• I can visualise joyous. He eats absolute raw meat seasoned. Again, I’m aware when he does that. But I’m flat. It’s like the feeling of flopping down the floor and can’t be bothered to stand up.
• I usually argued with joyous in the morning about his philosophical idealism.
• Quiet is quiet. I can’t see his face. He’s a bit unknown but he chill. Often he would lecture me or both of us about stuff we done wrong.
• Other than that I know quiet is in the corner of my mind, but rarely takes place.
• They have different tastes of food, philosophy, book tastes, feelings and thoughts on the same matter. (Idk if they’re conscious. It feels like I’m watching a movie that is somewhat predictable but sometimes not.)
• When we ‘switch’, memories become a bit blurry occasionally.
• I have control over most of the circumstances. But idk if they’re conscious or just a product of imagination. So I come here for help. Is this normal for MD?
Extra question: How do you bring up the possibility of OSDD-1b to your therapist? Am I just daydreaming my ‘friends’? Idk if they are conscious.
Have a nice day! :)