I just day dream about you. I can’t see you I’m not watching. I want to though. I miss you. I’m going to stream thiis summer I hope. Eeeek lol I’m chilling out bc I still just know how I feel. Idk. It’s weird. I’m okay I guess. I’d still run just to you if I could and I think I can. I crying now.. bc it’s just so sweet. 🥹 I care so much. <—— I could go off on those lines. lol
I’ve been talking to some guy that want to just come over and on my computer write the beats after I make the song. (Idk, everyone has their own ways… but I think I can work with whatever at the moment.). Which is cool like, opening my requests has been a good thing bc I’m smart enough to check people out u know..!.!.!.! I’ve had a lot of music talk w peeps hitting me up bc of our mutual friends and they haven’t seen me out before and I gotta go through the motions- asking 1,2,3 out of 25 mutual friends are they cool, are they a crackhead, do they have a home, are they black, jk but I’m pretty smart w it, I think I am anyway. But if there is one thing I’ve learned in the last year and a half it’s nothing is as easy as it seems it’s about to be. Bc if it was…
Anyway, I wish I was just next to you.. at some point… for a while.

It makes sense as to why autistic people look younger than their age. It is common fear amongst the autistics which is the fear of change. When you fear change, you avoid a lot of intense experiences like any other individual. I have also noticed that people who are bold and gets their job done, goes out in the sun to work, develops normal maturity through age tend to have thicker eyebrows, intense face, a lot of sweat on their face. They do the "hardwork" which will put them ahead. I am not talking about just manual work, the emotional and mental work to get through something. They socialize accordingly with time. Basically how you operate shows up on your face. If you operate from fear and avoidance, it will definitely show up on your face. If you are bold and goes through the rough patch howsoever, it will show up on your face. You face is not just a face. It is accumulation of your experiences, choices, mental work, and let's not forget how you feel emotionally on a day to day basis. Try this thing ,if you just write on a paper few times for next 30 days "I am changing, I am growing old". It will trick the brain to think that changes are on the way, and we need to leave the past to embrace the present. There is no shortcut to looking older than actually looking older through your rough experiences. Also with autistics, it is also noticed that they tend to avoid heavy emotions. You have to address the emotion as it comes to you. Do not dodge, do not run, do not bypass it. Let it penetrate right through your heart and mind. Practicing this, bring a lot of intensity on your face. It is salty, it is ugly, horrible, nauseating, makes you feel weak and timid, makes you cry, your face gets all worked up, you sulk or whatever it is, go through your emotion as it comes right away. You are of a certain type because of how you operate and that's such a simple explanation. Make a list of all the hard work you are avoiding and number them according to the intensity. Pick anyone and do it anyway. You will start feeling the intensity of that on your face. Let's say: You absolutely hate the texture of a food. Have it anyway and let the anger, irritation comes on your surface. Let those irritate you. All those emotions are important to be felt. I understand the roughness we have gone through life because of the autism but sorry to be rude, you need to have the skills, boldness, willingness to get through life. You can't just hide in disguise of your mental health condition and be a softie for life.
Today, I am going to write down the list or let's say I will write " I HATE" and list them down all, number them, and I will give myself a month's time to address it. I will come back and update all the emotions I felt throughout the process. It is going to be tough. Bye.

I’m in an abusive relationship and I’m honestly scared for my life . My boyfriend and I started dating 5 years ago. It started off fine and then one day he found my old cell phone. He said he was looking for some pictures of us but saw screenshots of messages of my ex. Which made him go through my ex and I’s old messages. And saw that 6 years ago before we were officially a thing but were seeing each other that I was still seeing my ex. I was just getting to know him at the time. Regardless he took offense and accused me of cheating. He took my new phone from me said he was going to text my ex and tell him that he “could have me.”
I hadn’t spoken to the guy in about a year at that point. I tussled with him to get my phone back. He’s over a hundred lbs bigger than me . I ended up hitting his eye and he gave it back and he called the cops. He told them I didn’t live there and I was trespassing. The cops asked me to leave I decided to peacefully and as I was leaving. He then decided he was sorry and had this whole apology. I stayed because it was the dead of winter in Minnesota and I had nowhere to go really. My parents stopped talking to me over him. He isolated me from my friends. He was all I felt I had.
That was a while ago. He promised never to do anything like that again and I chose to believe him. It was going good again. I reconnected with friends and family And then he started doing little things that I looked over like not allowing me to go on vacation with my friends unless he could come too. Most of my friends are in relationships as well so they just asked their partners to come and it all worked out. Today , he did it . He put his hands on me. And it got bad.
Why? I fell asleep and didn’t want to get up to take a shower. I was already in bed. I was exhausted. He woke me up saying i needed a shower. I told him I’d shower in the morning. He said i had to shower right now. I said no. He picked me up and brought me to the bathroom and started ripping off my clothes. He falls asleep without showering all the time. But when it comes to me. I must shower before bed. It’s not the first time he did it. He did it once before and showered me himself. I felt dehumanized when he did it. I couldn’t stop him he can completely over power me.
Today I didn’t want that to happen so I fought his resistance and asked to be let go. He said if I don’t shower I have to sleep on the ground. I kept resisting. And he kept applying force. I thought I was going to die. Me resisting made him angry and he just started hitting me. My face is still pounding from the blows he said that he had to hit me because I wouldn’t stop resisting. My face is swollen And I cried saying there was never a need to do that in the first place. He said if I stopped “being dirty” then it wouldn’t have to get to this point. He then washed me up, dried me…He then had sex with me. It lasted about a hour. Once he finished up, he washed me up again and kissed me and told me to go to bed. If you’re wondering what happened while he showered me and then had sex with me. Idk I sort of froze. I remember him on top of me telling me he was going to put it in my butt. I hate anal. He did it and I was frozen there. I’m now realizing he raped me
I have no idea how I got here. I feel like I can’t leave . He’s holding so much over my head. I lost my job because of him. I have nothing . And I’m so scared. I’m scared to fall asleep. I feel like i can’t control my body. He just did all this and tomorrow he’s gonna ask me for breakfast, I’m gonna do it. He’s going to be all sweet and I’m gonna have my guard down and I’m going to brush away this situation . I always wondered how people get this kind of situation… I feel so useless. I don’t know what I’m holding on to . He’s convinced me that there’s nothing out there for me. Like I can see the wrong but, I feel like I can’t get up and leave. I tell myself I will but I’ve been here 5 years. Im hoping I make out without a pregnancy.

Realistically, I've been behind on my projects this whole PhD. I've felt pretty neglected by my advisor, and felt like I've had to define and synthesize all of my project by myself. As such, I don't know what's good enough for the dissertation. I feel so burnt out because I've been in high gear since August. It's eroded friendships and taken a toll on my relationship. He wanted my last chapter's draft by tonight and it didn't happen. Just so many little pieces I thought I knew, but when I got writing, I just got confused. Data didn't make sense. We already pushed things back a few weeks and my funding ends at the end of the month. I don't know how I'm supposed to be looking for jobs at the same time, especially in this market. I feel like he's sick of my shit and just wants me gone and that's an awful feeling. I frankly don't blame him either, but I just wish he'd do more mentoring and less university politics and admin.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or venting or what. This just feels impossible and I don't know how or if I should convey that to him. Ugh.

At this point I feel like I'm going to be a failure at any job I have and I feel like a total idiot. I recently started working at this new job that I have as an assistant store manager in retail and I feel like I'm falling behind. Im a slow learner and forget things easily to the point where I have to write things down and my manager gets frustrated with me about it as if I'm purposely trying to forget things even though that's how my brain is wired. She also got frustrated with me for struggling with calculating maths through the computer system when it came to calculating sale targets (I also have dyscalculia). Im just frustrated with myself for annoying other people at work and at every job I've worked at I've always had someone I worked with say the typical line "you've been here for this amount of time so you should know this by now, you're so slow". I don't even know what to do with my life anymore since I feel like I suck at everything. Do any of you who have ADHD know what job is easier for you? (Anything except office work of course as I don't want to sit on a chair for several hours either lol)

It's around 11:00 pm while I'm writing this, and time to time I feel empty, not for any particular reason (I think) but I just feel something is missing, and when I feel like this I just want to stop my day, you know just pause and stop being for a while, stop existing just have my day paused, I don't know why I start to feel like this sometimes, it's probably normal but I just felt the need to come on here and speak how I feel, another thing is when I don't think I'm worth it, like I'm aware that people love me and I'm important but I just feel like no one really does, if I were to dissappear I just feel like no one would care all to much, lack of importance is what I feel. Anyway I don't feel like writing anything more, but I don't feel like sleeping, whatever, logging off.

I know there will be the typical "it's god tier" or "it's trash" responses, but I'm hoping for more level headed takes.
Is Fairy Tail worth watching?

1. Are the battles rewarding / are they strategic?
2. Do the villains have longevity / clever writing?
3. Does the story build / do lore details matter?
4. Is it a tearjerker? Is it deep?

I've seen it compared to One Piece and Black Clover, I've seen both. One Piece is a solid 9 for me and Black Clover a 7.
My absolute favorites are HxH, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Shiki and Naruto.
Also love Death Note, Bleach, JJK, Chainsaw Man, YYH, Jojo's, Rurouni Kenshin, Samurai Champloo, Cowboy Bebop, Afro Samurai, Gintama and stuff like that. Generally the darker, more psychological or sad stuff, or the very meta clever humor, or deep tricky storylines. I don't mind breezy starts or humble beginnings as the plot builds.
I've seen the first episode and I don't mind the setup, I like this protag and the animation is nice. His power is unique and seems like it could lead to smart fights.
I've seen so many mixed things about this series and I'm curious what the consensus is around here. Long detailed posts are 100% welcome.

Hello everyone. I recently had stumbled upon a new coffee shop opening and I noticed they were hiring. They pay a good amount and the menu is simple, so I was certainly interested. My boyfriend urges me to apply there, so I start feeling set on me applying for this position. I tell my friend about it as well, since you know, Im excited. She suggests she applies as well since shes never had a job before. No biggie. I cant stop her. A few days later I get the hiring manager’s contact info and I decide to go out of my way and email the hiring manager. I tell my friend this. She does the same thing, the same day. Once again, no biggie. (Note she is a high-schooler with no job experience and Im a freshman in college with a full places under my belt as experience). We both receive an email from the hiring manager on the same day asking us to send our resumes and when we are available to interview. I respond with my resume the night of, and my friend sends hers the next day (today). So what is concerning me is that my friend has actually received an email today confirming her interview time. I have yet to receive and email back. I don’t understand whats going on, my guess is that the hiring manager responded to my friends first because my friend sent her resume later. Im just kind of concerned that my email was seen and that she didn’t decide to pull through with the interview. My brain is spiraling over this and I know I simply need to just wait until tomorrow I was just wondering if this sounds concerning or not?

My boyfriend acts like he hates me and his friends can tell he hates me too. They keep wondering what I did to get him to hate me so much. I haven’t seen him in a week because of some legal stuff where he was threatening me and I really really miss him. The last thing he said to me was that nobody is going to want to be around me because I’m damaged goods and his leftovers. I wish I knew what I did to deserve all of this. I wish I knew what about me I need to fix.

I’m quite aware that I need therapy. I have been actively trying to bring myself to find a therapist for months now. I’ve had several fairly major crises over the last couple of days that have made me even more aware that I need to do something before I seriously harm myself (I promise that I’m stable and safe at the moment, for what it’s worth).
But the thing is I’m very avoidant, like personality disorder avoidant, and I’m terrified of everything about the therapeutic relationship. The more I read, especially on this subreddit where people tend to seem especially emotionally attached to their therapists, the more terrified I become. I can’t do emotional intimacy, like at all.
I can manage small talk and shallow friendliness, which is all I’ve managed with therapy in the past (as a teen, then short term in a college clinic). It has not been very beneficial. I’m well aware that I would need to open up to a therapist in order to get any real help, but that burden of obligation just scares me away more. Better to repress everything in public and just obsessively write down all my feelings in private. I’m also, relatedly, terrified of rejection and judgement, and I’m completely (and, I think, rationally) convinced that any therapist would privately judge me as a person, because that’s just what people do.
I’m exhausted with repeatedly talking myself out of asking for help, and this all feels like an ouroboros of misery where I need intensive therapy just to get to a point where I am capable of getting therapy.
The question kind of got away from me, but I guess it’s this: how do I do therapy? What can I expect from a therapist if I tell them the full truth, and how do I get to the point of being able to do that?

I 29F moved in with my boyfriend 26M 2 years ago. Before I moved I was living with some peeps that were supposed to be my friends. We’ll call these people M, D, and E. M and D were married and both were dating E.
My previous relationship we were poly and that’s how I met M, D, and E. I dated D for a short time. When me and my current boyfriend got together we agreed to stay monogamous. M and D could not respect that and pressured me till the day I left for me to open my relationship and be with D again.
When I moved in it was agreed I’d pay 500$ a month for a roof, a place to sleep, utilities, and food. I didn’t eat much but they were struggling financially and asked me to pitch in an extra 100$ for food. I agreed. Well, they starved me and my boyfriend ended up sending me money to eat everyday.
I have severe insomnia ptsd and anxiety. I do not have much of a social battery anymore and prefer my alone time. M, D and E didn’t like that and tried to control when I did and didn’t sleep and forced me to socialize all the time and would guilt trip me if I didn’t. Also, I cannot handle yelling. They fought every single day. Which made me uncomfortable to be around them.
The last straw was the night before I left when M decided to use a toxic coping skill in front of me which in turn triggered me since I used to use that coping skill. I’m 3 years clean from that.
Next morning I decided to leave. My best friend B was gonna drive me to Georgia instead of M. M,s friend came over told me I was selfish, inconsiderate was leaving for a useless man, and called me the a**hole. I felt I was leaving a toxic situation and doing what was bests for me. M, D, and E not only stole 300$ from me when I left they tried to shut my phone service off that I paid for.
So AITA for moving in with my boyfriend?
A couple things to add. I am disabled. I was on a fixed income. I gave them 600$ a month and they’d steal the rest of my money so I couldn’t save anything. Apartments/hotels/motels were too expensive and shelters only were accepting people who were pregnant and or had kids. I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know anybody. I had just left a 4 1/2 year dv relationship a few months back and was trying to get my feet grounded again. There was so much more that happened but these things were the biggest of them all.

Sorry if the formatting is weird, I’m typing this out in my phone. Also, sorry if the story is all over the place, I’m not a very good writer.
I simplified it in the title, but it’s not her boyfriend. My (18F) friend (18F) has been talking to this guy (16M) for around 3 weeks. Recently, she’s been ignoring my calls and then texting me that she’s on the phone with him. I don’t have a problem with that, she’s allowed to call him obviously, but she’s literally always on the phone with him or hanging out with him. While it hasn’t gotten to be that big of a problem yet, I can see it continuing to happen as they keep talking.
Last Saturday, me and her had a senior photo shoot together for our grad party. Since me and her are both awful procrastinators, we put off choosing our outfits until the day before. I facetimed her that night and she declined it. She then, of course, texted me that she was on the phone with him. She basically begged me to just talk about it over text before I even replied. She wasn’t wrong, I was against doing it over text because it would be a lot harder to do. I told her I wasn’t going to do it over text because of that, and asked her to just call me for 5 minutes then call him back. She again told me no and begged me to just do it over text or if she could just call me later. It was almost 12am and I was about to go to bed, but I caved because I didn’t want to start an argument. It made me especially upset because she hung out with him that day for 4 hours, then was calling him even after that, and still couldn’t spare 5 minutes for me on something I told her we’d have to figure out days before.
Today, the reason I’m writing this post, she bailed on me and my other friend. Last week, we made plans to go shopping today and we never get to hangout due to our schedules never matching up. I confirmed plans around 12PM and just 2 hours later she cancelled. She said it was because she wanted to wait for her paycheck, but (and I know this is bad to do) I checked her location after she sent that text and she was at his house. Then tonight I tried to call her and she was on the phone with him.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve had an conversation in the past about me feeling left out and it led to her saying she felt “suffocated” because everyone always wanted to do things with her. But now she’s spending every moment she can with this guy and I can’t help but feel that she just doesn’t want to hangout with me. I want to talk to her about it but when I brought up feeling left out before, she made me feel so invalidated.
And I don’t want to make this seem like she’s an awful friend, she isn’t. She’s an amazing friend and she’s just terrible when it comes to managing relationships/friendships. She gets anxious and stressed out very easily, so I don’t want to cause drama by bringing this up to her. Because I haven’t been able to actually talk to her about it, I’ve been snarky (“Ohh you can’t hangout because you’re gonna be with your man” type of remarks) when she brings him up or declines my calls. I don’t want to act like this because I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I find myself doing it without even thinking. Does anyone have any ideas on how to bring this up to her? If not, any opinions on the situation? Am I overreacting?

Any suggestions
Before I explain the situation. I know a lot of people have different boundaries so please respect. I want to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t trust him anymore. I have my reasons to why. On the 3rd month of dating I let him know that I didn’t feel comfortable him having half naked women on his social media, and he told me he don’t pay any mind attention to that. & I just suggested him to erase them when he comes across them and he agreed. I asked him to why he don’t just erase them he said cus he don’t care for it. Anyways second issue, I used to see a lot of girls Snapchat him and when I mentioned it he said he spoke to his girl- friend that is married and I have met before and his guy friend, although I didn’t believe it I chose to give benefit of the doubt. Only reason why I didn’t believe is cus I saw a recurrent snap emoji of a girl. But I thought to myself it’s just a friend. Everything went down hill as time went by, he in fact commented on the girl snap story “ sexy” on her photo & mentioned to me it’s a girl he used to like/talk back in hs. I didn’t see their conversations but, she was sending heart emojis. Anyways, I chose to stay in the relationship bc I thought to myself it’s just a comment. Even tho it was eating me up that he did that. So that triggered me to check his following and the pictures he be liking on instagram , he was following soooo many girls and liking half naked pictures of women. I was so confused cus he told me don’t pay mind attention and more confused to where he was finding these random girls and following them. I mentioned to him about liking half naked women and told him that I would move on if he continues and he said , okay I understand there’s no excuse for my actions ….. he mentioned it’s a habit. W.e anyways I then asked him to show me his IG DMs bc he was following so many girls I thought to myself what if he’s messaging them , well he showed me and nothing. I asked him nicely brought the concern calmly. Anyways, he felt like I was accusing him. But I just wanted to make sure. Then, I kept on seeing his followers and my last straw was when he followed a stripper. Anyways I mentioned his following at the wrong time when we were in vacation. And he said it’s to get inspiration to take pictures of me that’s why he followed women. Anyways, we left it there and then I brought it up again he got so defensive and tired that I was bringing up this issue again and to why I’m bringing social media. I told him how it made me feel and he said he’ll stop and that it’s a habit. Anyways, yesterday I looked through his following and saw he liked a half naked picture of women after we had that conversation. He told me he was erasing women that was showing ass on Facebook , & instagram & that just showed me bs. Thing is right now he’s in basic training for the army so I can’t do much about it now. But I don’t want to be with him, I feel like there was never a solution and was just slapped with a band aid and he told me he’s only doing the unfollowing and stuff just out of “courtesy”. I’m not sure when and how to break up with him. He’s in basic now and then I see him on his ceremony .We been together for 7 months and this issue has been recurring…. And I’m afraid it will. I see no point of working it out cus it’ll be a long distance relationship. My trust has been broken many times. Also he has wandering eyes . I mentioned to him on the 4th month of dating that he has wandering eyes again he told me it’s a habit and he don’t be noticing that… I told him it’s okay to find other people attractive it’s natural but to break a neck it’s where it becomes an issue and staring . Before he left to basic we went to a concert and I saw him staring at a girl and when she walked by he looked back . Right at front of me. What should I do? Is it really a habit ?

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. A few months into the relationship he asked if I wanted to go to Europe because his family had a time share there that his parents were not going to use.
I didn’t want to go. I’m not really a huge fan of traveling. I like my little routine at home. So I expressed to him I was kind of hesitant about going.
He told me it was ridiculous that I didn’t want to go. He said “any normal couple would be thrilled to do this!” Basically called me a bad partner And asked me to give him a reason why I didn’t want to. I said I just wasn’t sure bc things like that cause me anxiety.
I ended up going (and so did his parents after all).
I had a fine time until we fought because an ex of mine called him on the phone at like 2am. I didn’t feel the need to tell him all about all my exes because I don’t think things like that concern him. Unfortunately this other person (the ex) is a bit insane and worked up my current boyfriend.
We fought about that and he brought up the fact he took me on this vacation and that he paid for it. I brought up the fact I didn’t want to go to begin with. This upset him even more. The conversation ended with him being upset about that and saying I had to make that up so I promised him I’d pay a trip for him. Another trip I didn’t actually want to go on.
The time comes and we’re on our trip. I asked him months in advanced to please come up with an itinerary or at least some ideas of things he will want to do at our destination. After like six months he has come up with nothing. The first day we’re walking around aimlessly and he asks what I want to do. This made me kind of mad and I said I wanted to do whatever he wanted to do because this is where he wanted to come. Then he got mad at me for that. Also I was upset because multiple times he did things that aren’t culturally acceptable here. The first time I tried to tell him maybe we shouldn’t do that he said he didn’t care because he’s a good person and that’s what matters.
I said that “it’s embarrassing to be around someone who blatantly disrespects the culture around us” and he got so upset he cried for several hours and ran away from in the city.
I feel like he’s trying to twist this onto me and we’re both too hard headed. I don’t know how to amend this

I’m quite aware that I need therapy. I have been actively trying to bring myself to find a therapist for months now. I’ve had several fairly major crises over the last couple of days that have made me even more aware that I need to do something before I seriously harm myself (I promise that I’m stable and safe at the moment, for what it’s worth).
But the thing is I’m very avoidant, like personality disorder avoidant, and I’m terrified of everything about the therapeutic relationship. The more I read, especially on this subreddit where people tend to seem especially emotionally attached to their therapists, the more terrified I become. I can’t do emotional intimacy, like at all.
I can manage small talk and shallow friendliness, which is all I’ve managed with therapy in the past (as a teen, then short term in a college clinic). It has not been very beneficial. I’m well aware that I would need to open up to a therapist in order to get any real help, but that burden of obligation just scares me away more. Better to repress everything in public and just obsessively write down all my feelings in private. I’m also, relatedly, terrified of rejection and judgement, and I’m completely (and, I think, rationally) convinced that any therapist would privately judge me as a person, because that’s just what people do.
I’m exhausted with repeatedly talking myself out of asking for help, and this all feels like an ouroboros of misery where I need intensive therapy just to get to a point where I am capable of getting therapy.

My bf and I have been together for about 11 years, we lived together with family for about 4 years and about 4 years ago we got our own apartment together. He is my first everything and I love him with all my heart but I don't know what to do about the communication problem anymore. Any time I have ask him to do something it's like pulling teeth, an automatic argument no matter what it is. Something as simple as scheduling himself a doctors appointment, there's always a freaking excuse or a reason, but in reality it's like he's waiting for me to do it for him.
Today he came home complaining about the office, talking about the big boss coming in tomorrow for a visit. He's up for a promotion, which I'm excited for bc as soon as he gets it, I can ditch my dead end job and further my own career. All I asked was that he speak to his manager whom he is friends with about putting in a good word for him and of course he immediately starts in with the "well this, well that" crap. He tells me his manager already speaks highly of him blah blah blah. And I simply say, "It's not going to hurt anything if he puts in another good word tomorrow when the boss is actually there." He got annoyed, yells my name in frustration "well what do you want me to do? I can't make him do anything...", he's storming away at this point still yelling stuff back at me but I don't chase after him anymore, I just say (childishly, I know) "well fuck you too then."
After he got done with his shower, he came back in the room to grab something. I wouldn't look at him or say anything to him so he casually starts telling me about something he saw outside. I mumbled my "mhmm" response as I kept putting clothes away and this is what kills me every damn time. He asks, "what, are you mad at me or something?"
He does this after literally every single freaking argument and it is maddening. Makes me want to rip my own hair out. It's like nothing happened and I'm just angry for no damn reason. I just fabricated the entire thing in my own mind. He literally plays it off like I'm crazy and he's so damn good at it. I got to the point where I'd just ignore it, drop whatever I was mad about and go with it but I can't fucking do that anymore. I've tried talking to him about this in the past and it just turns into an argument that results in the same exact way. I don't know what to do.
TLDR: My (30F) boyfriend (34M) does not know how to communicate and idk what to do about it anymore.

I 29F moved in with my boyfriend 26M 2 years ago. Before I moved I was living with some peeps that were supposed to be my friends. We’ll call these people M, D, and E. M and D were married and both were dating E.
My previous relationship we were poly and that’s how I met M, D, and E. I dated D for a short time. When me and my current boyfriend got together we agreed to stay monogamous. M and D could not respect that and pressured me till the day I left for me to open my relationship and be with D again.
When I moved in it was agreed I’d pay 500$ a month for a roof, a place to sleep, utilities, and food. I didn’t eat much but they were struggling financially and asked me to pitch in an extra 100$ for food. I agreed. Well, they starved me and my boyfriend ended up sending me money to eat everyday.
I have severe insomnia ptsd and anxiety. I do not have much of a social battery anymore and prefer my alone time. M, D and E didn’t like that and tried to control when I did and didn’t sleep and forced me to socialize all the time and would guilt trip me if I didn’t. Also, I cannot handle yelling. They fought every single day. Which made me uncomfortable to be around them.
The last straw was the night before I left when M decided to use a toxic coping skill in front of me which in turn triggered me since I used to use that coping skill. I’m 3 years clean from that.
Next morning I decided to leave. My best friend B was gonna drive me to Georgia instead of M. M,s friend came over told me I was selfish, inconsiderate was leaving for a useless man, and called me the a**hole. I felt I was leaving a toxic situation and doing what was bests for me. M, D, and E not only stole 300$ from me when I left they tried to shut my phone service off that I paid for.
So AITA for moving in with my boyfriend?
A couple things to add. I am disabled. I was on a fixed income. I gave them 600$ a month and they’d steal the rest of my money so I couldn’t save anything. Apartments/hotels/motels were too expensive and shelters only were accepting people who were pregnant and or had kids. I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know anybody. I had just left a 4 1/2 year dv relationship a few months back and was trying to get my feet grounded again. There was so much more that happened but these things were the biggest of them all.

I am extremely depressed right now. Now four years later it’s really setting in that things will not get better and do not try to convince me otherwise. Everyone is gone. Everything is gone. I’m never going to see my boyfriend again and he probably doesn’t want to see me. I wouldn’t want to see me.
Karma has come to collect her debt. I’m ugly. My face is broken out. I think I might be going bald. I feel fucking sick all the time.
And I did something toxic to fick it up even worse. I contacted an old friend. I texted her asking if we could talk because I was having the worst week of my life.
A key part of being a decent human being is keeping your feelings to yourself and if you can’t, isolate. Forever if you have to. Burdening another with your sadness is a vile, evil thing to do. I don’t care if your parents died it is not ok to talk to your friends about it. That is called trauma dumping and if you do it you are a fucking narc. Personally it wouldn’t bother me if someone did that but I’m evil and devoid of empathy which is probably why I could sit and listen to someone talk to me about things that troubled them like that without being so emotionally drained it sends me into a mental health crisis.
I wish I’d just die already. Can’t talk to my boyfriend my friend s my roommates r my family it would be too much for them and I doubt any inf these people would even notice if I died.

E
If you showed up, even right now in the dead if night, I would take you back in a heartbeat. God I miss you, but I can't be bought with empty words, that's why I had to block you. I'm too weak to say no. I wish you would put your words into actions. God, I wish you would just show up at my house and tell me how much you miss me, and how much you need me. I miss listening to you talk about all of your interests. I miss when you would put your arm around me, then pull me close. Hi, this when you would write me the most heartfelt poems that made me feel on top of the world. I wish things never changed. I still love you.
-S🖤

Hi there ✌🏻
About me: I’m a tall boy at 6’3, I have blue eyes and dark blonde hair and wear glasses, I have lots of different hobbies like playing video games, watching one piece and rizzing you up. I’m big into documentaries and kind of a big film buff, I don’t really listen to music expect when I’m having a lil Friday evening drink so podcasts are my main thing. I’m full time employed as a Finance Manger. Im looking to buy a house at the moment but also in two minds about moving abroad as the Irish housing market is pretty horrific. I have a work in progress dad bod so if that’s a huge issue then no worries I just might not be your type physically.
Some small bullet point things… INTJ personality and Scorpio (if you’re into that thing) Introverted, not really a friends guy and don’t enjoy party’s and crowds except for work for some weird reason Ambitious and career orientated though would love to work for myself. Into someone mature and caring but also kind of a baddie lol
About you: looks wise I don’t really have a preference, someone cute and trendy, I for some reason like girls with pedicures and manicures, someone who’s driven, ambitious and got their own life going on. Also if you had a couple similar hobbies that would be neat so we can talk about stuff and get excited about the same stuff 🥰
Not to be too serious but I am looking for something real and long term, if that’s not what you’re into that’s totally cool we just won’t match I don’t think! Anyway yeah dm me with an intro and we can have a nice lil convo and find out all sorts about each other, idk what else to write here this is actually too long now sorry about that, thanks for reading and can’t wait to talk!

My Life's Journey: Overcoming Challenges

Introduction

My whole life, I've been rejected. People don't see my potential. I've wasted a lot of time in my life. Currently, I have only 40 euros in my bank account. This is one of my darkest moments. Please don't pity me. It's not the fault of others; it's my fault. I make poor decisions every day, and now I am facing the consequences. Sitting in the dark, isolated, without money, I don't enjoy life. But what I have are books and education. Last week, I had only 10 euros in my account. I felt stressed all over my body; I was spending the last 10 euros in the supermarket on basic needs. Not having enough money is horrible, but it is not the end.

Books and Education

Some books about money and teaching yourself to disconnect from everything have helped me enormously. I've learned that stress is an illusion of fear and uncertainty. I've taught myself to be unattached from many things. Consider this: if you love your mother too much, the blow of her death will be too much, making you never function again. So, love your mother, father, etc., but not too much. Do fun things with them, but remember, the circle of life means it comes and goes. Similarly, with money—when I had only 10 euros, I was stressed. I have no job now and am isolated. I've learned that money is an illusion and that you make your own choices to the point where you've ended up. Unfortunately, not everyone gets the same chances in the world.

Life's Unfairness and Moving Forward

That's why I live with the idea that life is unfair, but you can make it a little better. Because every improvement, no matter where you come from, is what everyone wants. Some people are born in countries where opportunities are plentiful; others are not. But ultimately, we must not sit still; acceptance and progress will help you move forward.

My Resolution

I don't need pity; I am a victim of my own choices. The monster inside me has destroyed me as a hopeless, pitiful person. My posture is bad, my bank account is low, and yet, despite all the negatives, a few books and a goal have shown me the light. I am going to take you on a journey of someone who is down but understands that there are many people who are even lower and in war.

My Goal and Challenge

Although I currently don't have money for a gym or luxury courses, I have done some things smartly. I can only tell you, always think 360 degrees. Don't look for one teacher but two. My goal is to become a full-stack programmer and to be a fit human being with good posture—no nerd neck, forward neck—and of course, healthy food, brain food, gut food, hydration, and muscles. I want to challenge myself and show the world that on this day, May 15th, 2024, this pitiful man who has made many wrong decisions will transform into a beacon of light and perseverance. I am going to show you that an outcast can achieve this. You only live once, and time comes only once. There is only one May 15th, 2024, 6 AM, and once the minute passes, we cannot go back.

Programming Path and Financial Discipline

Now that I am poor, I keep a detailed Excel sheet that monitors my finances and a visual dashboard of my financial life, which currently looks red and very bleak.

Detailed Plan:

1. **Starting Point:** I managed to get the GitHub Student Pack. Being poor has made me creative. I have found some courses through various means. My path focuses first on HTML, CSS, and Javascript.
2. **Initial Learning:** I recommend taking notes during lessons, either on pen and paper or a digital tablet. Writing helps you remember more than not doing so.

**The Path:**

1. Begin with Scrimba.com (From GitHub student, you get 1 month free; because I am poor, I must complete HTML, CSS, and JavaScript in that month, meaning full attention and free days as time is limited in this case).

2 Move on to Advanced CSS by Jonas Schedtmann on Udemy.
3 Then, I will start all over again with Angela Yu's Udemy bootcamp. She explains well and comes from a non-IT technical background, which provides a good perspective.
4.After Angela, I will go to Colt Steele to learn good concepts again and some different tips and tricks.

1. After Colt Steele, I will go to FrontEndMasters to learn all the professional tips and tricks from people who have actually worked in the industry. I will start with FrontEndMasters last because it is very technical and not really an educational experience. FrontEndMasters is ideal last to professionalize any trained knowledge and possibly unlearn incorrect methods. You get 6 months free with the GitHub Student Pack.

6.After FrontEndMasters, it's time to earn money as a freelancer.

1. When I have some money, I will access more expensive courses.
   
2. I plan to start with [Josh W Comeau's courses](https://www.joshwcomeau.com/courses/) to elevate my CSS skills to a higher level.
   
3. Then, I will improve my JavaScript skills with the [Ultimate Next.js course on JS Mastery](https://www.jsmastery.pro/ultimate-next-course#pricing). Learning from multiple perspectives is essential to truly understand and master a subject.
   

10.. Follow up with [Kevin Powell's courses](https://www.kevinpowell.co/courses/) to further enhance my CSS skills.

1. Utilize [Frontend Mentor Pro](https://www.frontendmentor.io/pro) for extensive practice through assignments and exercises.
   
2. My ongoing task will be to continue practicing, working on projects, and staying up-to-date with the industry.
   

This Path is not fixed, because there can be along the way changes, but in general I keep to stay on this Path. Ofcourse after this path is time for the Object Programming, Software developer Path. So then I will search to Computer Science. I'm not an academic, but I am a academic of poorness and of life:)

The Five Fundamental Needs:

1. **Physical Well-being** (Nutrition, Sleep, Hygiene & Nature)
   
2. **Social Connection** (Relationships, Neutrality, Acceptance, Openness, Collaboration, Freedom, Love, Solutions, Empathy & Communication)
   
3. **Physical Activity** (Exercise, Cardio, Strength Training, Yoga, Flexibility, Self-defense, Team Sports, Balance & Stability)
   
4. **Mental Enrichment** (Education, Philosophy, Religion, Purpose, Spirituality, Creativity & Problem-Solving Thinking)
   
5. **Emotional Well-being** (Happiness, Enjoyment, Letting Go, Grief, Meditation, Relaxation, Self-care, Emotional Intelligence & Self-acceptance)
   

Financial Discipline and Personal Development

Besides programming, I will practice financial discipline by maintaining an extensive Excel sheet to monitor my finances closely. This will help me manage my funds better and avoid previous mistakes. Additionally, I will work on being physically fit, developing strong muscles, and improving my posture and sleep 7–9 hours. If you want to achieve life and things better you need to master 5 basic of life

Conclusion

I believe this path, with its varied teachers and multiple perspectives, will provide a well-rounded education. Each instructor brings something unique, and at Frontend Masters, I'll have a team of instructors who help me view things from a comprehensive 360-degree perspective. This approach not only applies to programming but also to managing my finances and personal health. I will make these areas a priority, ensuring I not only become a skilled programmer but also lead a balanced and healthy life.