I'm craving the itch for MAGIC
Too many MCs are gettin' in there with their fists and stuff, nah, that ain't it. Gimme some goddayumn spell-slinging mofo that stands at the back and uses weird obscure ways of using the magic or uses a ritual to break the world or smth, I don't care I just need magic it's been too long since I've read some.
Here's what I've read: (feel free to use as recommendations) (I listen to audiobooks for everything)

• Mother of Learning
  • amazing
• Beneath the Dragoneye Moons
  • also amazing
• The Completionist Chronicles
  • a guilty pleasure, I love Dakota Krout but he's better at being funny than writing compelling narratives
• Mageling
  • I gotta finish it, seemed pretty good
• Mage Errant
  • I really liked it, I love schools in stories
• Secrets and Spellcraft
  • Still in the middle of it, pretty slow but also good
• Paranoid Mage
  • I love the ideas presented, he just gets caught up in explanation too much, book 2 a little better at that and haven't read past it, I dearly intend to eventually, it's certainly not a book series you can binge but one you have to let it last for a while
• Dear Spellbook
  • It doesn't feel like it gives much reason to keep reading on, I love time loops however so it was enjoyable
• Fate's Anvil
  • I'm not sure why I got book 2, I never read it
• Legend of the Arch Magus
  • I really enjoyed it, can't wait for more, although I don't think it's very good it's more like a guilty pleasure
• Somnia Online
  • I was on a VRMMO itch when I found this, adored it, bit slow
• Chronicle Series
  • Honestly I've read this series probably twice and I genuinely cannot remember a thing from it, I genuinely do not know if it should even go it this list or what it's about, the blurbs don't help either
• Rise of the Mystic Mage
  • Excuse me but when did book 2 come out I loved book one, I just bought it and it's already my next read, although I am still looking
• Never Die Twice
  • I loved The Perfect Run sososo much I keep trying to like this book but it's always like at a bad time I get into it, I'll finish and love it one day
• Saga Online
  • I remember really enjoying it but also found it a bit of a slog at times. It had amazing and memorable moments but a lot of what felt like filler
• The Unwanteds
  • Nothing to do with LitRPG I found this bc of my mum, I love the magic so much but books get to be more of a slog with each one, book one was amazing, stuck in book 4
• Magic 2.0
  • Honestly this might have played a small role in why I became a programmer (specifically a game designer), I love the coding is magic in this and it was like my first listen on audible, going back to it to finish it a few years later was hard because it's a bit of a slog but I love it nonetheless
• Awaken Online
  • Guilty pleasure of mine, been following the story for years and years, my friend says it's not that good and he's a media studies nerd so I trust his judgement on that, I enjoy it a lot
• Wolfman Warlock
  • Same universe as completionist chronicles from a different author, loved it just as much, see its entry near the top
• New Era Online
  • I keep seeing people liking this book but it's just so much talk from about how this and that works and general thoughts, it should be naturally included into the dialogue or the worldbuilding I get bored and zone out for important bits, let me know if it's really worth it

I'm feel bad for saying negative things so I couldn't, they are all pretty good at least, if in different areas, I've listened to bad stuff, none of these are awful
This does not include semi-magic-wielding MCs, pure magic, or at least pure-magic focused. Not including things like MCs that mainly sling magic guns and not a wide variety of magic tools. Not including dungeon core.
I have about 200~ titles in my library, don't think that just because this list is long I listen to mostly magic stuff, I don't, although I wish I did

Hello, As the title says, I'm having issues with most Wayland compositors:

• Hyprland is very laggy, and feels like its running at 20 FPS. (Other people seem to have the same issues on 4K screens)
• Sway is generally stable, but randomly crashes and forces me to reboot. (Usually happens with Steam games, but also Minecraft, compiling, and... well. Feels random.)
• DWL has issues with 4K too, and is generally unstable and a pain to set up (for me at least).
• GNOME's mutter is the best one so far, with only some scaling issues. The problem for me is that I'd much rather have a simple, VIM bindings-driven window manager, than a full DE.

I'm currently using sway, even with the crashes, but I really need a solution for this...
My specs:

• Intel 14600K
• Integrated Graphics
• 32GB DDR5 RAM
• 4K monitor @ 60Hz
• Arch Linux

My dotfiles: https://github.com/TrudeEH/dotfiles
Any help will be greatly appreciated! Thank you.
EDIT: I did some more testing, and:

• Sway crashes/freezes even after launching from GDM, and from typing 'sway' in the TTY.

I managed to catch the system log when it happened:

May 14 10:57:16 TrudePC gjs[8403]: Failed to resolve shell name: GDBus.Error:org.freedesktop.DBus.Error.NameHasNoOwner: The name does not have an owner May 14 10:57:19 TrudePC systemd[1319]: Started dbus-:1.2-org.gnome.ScreenSaver@61.service. May 14 10:57:19 TrudePC gjs[8421]: Failed to resolve shell name: GDBus.Error:org.freedesktop.DBus.Error.NameHasNoOwner: The name does not have an owner May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GPU HANG: ecode 12:1:0020fffe, in Main Thread [7392] May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GT0: Resetting chip for stopped heartbeat on rcs0 May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c40! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c3e! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c3c! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c3a! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c58! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c56! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c54! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c52! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c50! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c4e! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c4c! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c4a! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c48! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c46! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: Fence expiration time out i915-0000:00:02.0:Main Thread[7392]:50c44! May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] *ERROR* GT0: rcs0 reset request timed out: {request: 00000001, RESET_CTL: 00000001} May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] *ERROR* GT0: rcs0 reset request timed out: {request: 00000001, RESET_CTL: 00000001} May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] Main Thread[7392] context reset due to GPU hang May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GT0: GuC firmware i915/tgl_guc_70.bin version 70.20.0 May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GT0: HuC firmware i915/tgl_huc.bin version 7.9.3 May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GT0: HuC: authenticated for all workloads May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GT0: GUC: submission enabled May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC kernel: i915 0000:00:02.0: [drm] GT0: GUC: SLPC enabled May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC systemd[1319]: Started dbus-:1.2-org.gnome.ScreenSaver@62.service. May 14 10:57:21 TrudePC gjs[8442]: Failed to resolve shell name: GDBus.Error:org.freedesktop.DBus.Error.NameHasNoOwner: The name does not have an owner May 14 10:57:23 TrudePC systemd[1319]: Started dbus-:1.2-org.gnome.ScreenSaver@63.service. May 14 10:57:23 TrudePC gjs[8459]: Failed to resolve shell name: GDBus.Error:org.freedesktop.DBus.Error.NameHasNoOwner: The name does not have an owner May 14 10:57:38 TrudePC /uslib/gdm-wayland-session[5930]: warn: quirks.c:80: applying wl_surface_damage_buffer() workaround for Sway 

Basically what the title says, especially those of you in your early and mid 20s that are currently struggling with hair loss. I really want to enjoy my hair and style it in different ways, but I'm not able to because of hairline recession and diffuse thinning.
I'm broke as a joke and as such I can't afford any hair loss treatments. I've never worked a day in my life, but I fear that my autism (and possibly undiagnosed ADHD) combined with my physical appearance would creep people out. My only hope is a lottery win, but the chances of that happening are zero.
It really sucks having to deal with this misery at 24. The worst part is that I'm not facially attractive, so going bald would only add further insult to injury. Now you guys are probably thinking I'm making this up, but people have a tendency to fraud with filters and lighting to hide what they truly look like. I look like a zombie from the Walking Dead in actuality.

Hello Heirs! This is the Daily Questions Megathread.
You are welcome to use the daily thread to ask general or personalized questions instead of creating a new thread.
Please ask all your beginner questions here as well. Help each other out and don't forget to thank/upvote fellow heirs!
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Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to the people actually saying over the course of the 2 hour long episode and to what was being discussed. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Weird title, I'm drunk, whatever, I think you'll be able to relate to this once I explain it
You ever watch a youtube video with some "comedy" injected into it, and there are some "bits" that don't even register with you, not even anything close to the slight-exhale-through-the-nose, but then you scroll down to the comments and there are people talking about how it made them laugh so hard they started crying, and it's the funniest thing they've ever heard in their lives. I don't even think they're lying. They're probably being slightly hyperbolic, but still, I don't doubt that they had a laughing fit over something that barely registered as comedy to me. I'm not quite sure what to make of it, I guess it makes me feel equal parts superior and jealous. I occasionally have genuine laughs at things, but it's usually gotta be something really clever or really stupid.
"I wish I was like you, easily amused" - Curt Kobain
Actually I feel like I'm easily amused in general, I have pretty low standards for most things, I've been known to enjoy some entertainment slop, but it takes a lot for something to make me actually laugh. Is this just autism? Perhaps.
So, RSP, what are your thoughts on this fascinating phenomenon?

Hello everyone!
I think it would be funny to do a ranking of decades of Spiderman comics, from the 60's to the present.
For my part, I can only give an opinion up until 90's since I'm not interested in Spiderman post-2000's, but you can include it.

1. 80's: Roger Stern modernized the character and that would work a basis for the following years. He introduced a great villain like the Hobgoblin whose story would continue to be developed by other authors later. Also the black suit was introduced and the subsequent arrival of Venom, which they managed to turn into one of Spidey's most important foes despite having passed 2 decades since its launch, which is not easy. In addition, one of the character's key arcs was launched, Kraven Last Hunt. For all this and more, I would say that it is the best decade of the wall-crawler.
2. 60's: The origin of Spiderman, this age is iconic since all the characters and bases that would define the character to this day emerged. Yes, it is true that Lee and Ditko's first comics can get a little boring nowadays, but even so, seeing the first appearance of so many characters makes it worth reading. Later, the era of Lee and Romita Sr, keeping in mind that they are stories from the 60's, they manteined a high level and have not aged that much, in addition to that they also presented new iconic characters such as Rhino, Shocker or Kingpin, and great arcs such as the revelation of Norman being the Green Goblin or Peter ceasing to be Spiderman. Without a doubt, if this decade had not had this great level, Spiderman would not have become Marvel's flagship.
3. 70's: This decade during the first years has a good level until approximately number #150, although then the level of the stories begins to decline a little until the arrival of Stern in the 80's. Even so, in these early years we have memorable moments such as the death of Captain Stacy, the drug trilogy, the introduction of Morbius, the first Clone saga or the first time Harry becomes the Green Goblin, stories that continue to be remembered nowadays. And how can we not talk about the death of Gwen Stacy, probably the key moment in Spidey's entire history, which was a paradigm in the world of comics and which is still remembered 50 years later.
4. 90's: The decade most criticized in general by Spiderman fans, where it is said that the level of the stories dropped a lot to focus on action and spectacular drawings. I have not yet had the opportunity to read the Clone Saga since it will not be republished in my country until a few years, so although I know what happens during it, I cannot say if it is as bad as people say until reading it. Although personally the first years of the 90's do not seem so bad to me, Carnage is in charge of leading the gallery of rogues those years until reaching Maximum Carnage, which I enjoyed a lot, it is true that it is not a story that marked an era for its plot but even so the drawing and the battles seem very fun to me. Also during this time, we probably had the best stage of the Spectacular Spiderman title thanks to DeMatteis and Buscema with the whole story of Harry Osborn's return as the Green Goblin and his subsequent death, which is curious that they wrote in Spectacular and not in Amazing due to his importance in Peter's life. In conclusion, the absence of reading the Clone saga and although objectively it is probably the worst of these 4 initial decades of Spidey, it doesn't seem as bad to me as people try to make it out to be.

And now after having given my ranking, it is your turn to give your opinions.
Thanks for participating!

Same old story. When a clan of top players enters the server, the only one is to leave. They play a toxic game and just want to dominate the server with lots of killings. Like APEX clan. What fun is there in playing against an unequal team? I'll never understand it.
More generally, the fact that BF1 is played compulsively, is full of veterans or people who do nothing else in life but play games, have made this title boring.

Hey guys!
I'm looking for readers with an interest in self-improvement, particularly in overcoming social anxiety. :) I'm a writer working on a self-help book titled "Essential Strategies for Social Anxiety: CBT Techniques to Conquer Self Doubt, Eliminate Fear and Build Bulletproof Confidence."
Scope:
I'm looking for passionate readers to give honest feedback on my manuscript before it's published. In exchange for your valuable insights, you will receive a FREE digital copy of the book once it's launched and also a payment of $1USD!
Requirements:

• Be an avid reader with a genuine interest in self-help and/or social anxiety topics.
• Be willing to read the manuscript and provide honest feedback on your thoughts, impressions, and overall reading experience.
• No pressure to write lengthy feedback – your general impressions are more than enough!

What you get:

• A FREE digital copy of the book upon publication.
• Payment of $1 USD for reading a book of your interest
• The satisfaction of knowing you're helping a fellow author refine their work and potentially reach others struggling with social anxiety.

Sound interesting? Great! To ensure a good fit for everyone, I've put together a quick and easy sign-up form. This will help me understand your reading preferences and gauge your interest in the specific topic of social anxiety.
Sign-up form here: https://forms.gle/cf92VDMUrdpKJqaT6
Thanks for your time, and happy reading!
P.S. Feel free to share this post with anyone you think might be interested! The more honest feedback, the better!

Hey everyone in slavelabour!
I'm looking for readers with an interest in self-improvement, particularly in overcoming social anxiety. :) I'm a writer working on a self-help book titled "Essential Strategies for Social Anxiety: CBT Techniques to Conquer Self Doubt, Eliminate Fear and Build Bulletproof Confidence."
Scope:
I'm looking for passionate readers to give honest feedback on my manuscript before it's published. In exchange for your valuable insights, you will receive a FREE digital copy of the book once it's launched and also a payment of $1USD!
Requirements:

• Be an avid reader with a genuine interest in self-help and/or social anxiety topics.
• Be willing to read the manuscript and provide honest feedback on your thoughts, impressions, and overall reading experience.
• No pressure to write lengthy feedback – your general impressions are more than enough!

What you get:

• A FREE digital copy of the book upon publication.
• Payment of $1 USD for reading a book of your interest
• The satisfaction of knowing you're helping a fellow author refine their work and potentially reach others struggling with social anxiety.

Sound interesting? Great! To ensure a good fit for everyone, I've put together a quick and easy sign-up form. This will help me understand your reading preferences and gauge your interest in the specific topic of social anxiety.
Sign-up form here: https://forms.gle/cf92VDMUrdpKJqaT6
Thanks for your time, and happy reading!
P.S. Feel free to share this post with anyone you think might be interested! The more honest feedback, the better!

I've been working as a junior cybersecurity analyst for the last 2 years, mainly dealing with general cybersecurity queries and app-related issues (company has an app clients can use for cybersecurity training and alerts). Because of my knowledge around the app and previous customer service experience, i was offered a role as a customer service manager, and will now have a direct report. I'm currently on £32k, but with my increased workload and now having to manage another person, I was wondering what a ballpark salary would be to ask for? My job title is a bit obscure so makes it hard to research accurate salaries

Hello, all! We hope you're enjoying your time on FFXIV!

This is the post for asking any questions about FFXIV. Absolutely any FFXIV-related question: one-off questions, random detail questions, "newbie" advice questions, anything goes! Simply leave a comment with your question and some awesome Redditor will very likely reply to you!

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Hi all,
There’s an EL1 job that I’m interested in applying for. The job title states assistant director however when I read the job description it seems to be very similar responsibilities as my VPS5 role.
Is anyone able to share whether there’s bigger responsibilities as a EL1 compared to VPS5 in practice? Are there multiple EL1s in a team and what is the general organisation structure like in APS?
For example, in VPS, we have one director, then managers (VPS6) then TLs (VPS5).
Thanks!

If you wish to ask me anything, go right ahead! I’m Always happy to talk :)
If that title interested you, then your like me and you love survival rps! and want a true character driven! or perhaps just the possibility of building a great rp interests you
I absolutely love world building, and character making with good partners!
I am perfectly happy to Make a massive RP, or better yet run a world with you in a 50/50 way.
So! Some stuff on me, I’m general I really love dark unique settings, where struggle and harsh realities are ever present, but if you’re more for a fun light hearted rp that’s also welcome! just about any form of fantasy or realism is great, battles, war, building, character development and so on are all my favourite things to include, but as stated not at all necessary, open to all sorts of ideas!
I do however not really bother with Dice roles, I prefer more of a narrative experience or just a CYOA sorta guide.
if I have at all interested you please feel free to ask me absolutely anything!

25F, BMI healthy range, no smoking, no drugs, low alcohol consumption. Physical job, good shape. Medications beclometasone (asthma), sertraline. North Europe.
EYES: For the past month I have had nonstop visual problems which feels like a migraine aura. My vision is grainy like TV static noise. If I look at a geometric pattern, it starts moving: if I stand on our geometric rug and look down, my feet disappear from my vision. If lighting changes, I see white and black spots and patches moving around. If I close my eyes, I also see patches moving, even flashing lights sometimes. I struggle to focus on looking at things, other thigns around the focus point start moving or then I have double vision. I have occasional pain behind my **left eye**, a feeling of pressure, sometimes tingling and goosebumbs in the eyesocket. One night red spots (petechiae) appeared around this eye.
VERTIGO/EARS: I have vertigo on and off. At worst I couldn't stand straight without swaying and even crawled on the floor cause everything was spinning. If I close my eyes and try to walk or stand on one leg, I fall down. (Normally I do sports that require good balance and am able to eg. go up and down a rope on one leg and jump onto obstacles and slide while downhill skiing.) I have tinnitus, mainly low noise like holding an ear against a seashell, sometimes periods of loud beeps. Once I lost hearing in my **left ear** for a period of time.
COGNITIVE: I forget things a lot and struggle to focus. I've always been absentminded but never this featherbrained. Before in my life I had never lost my bank card, and only once left the house while forgetting my keys inside. Now in a short period of time I have lost my bank card twice and keys twice and only got them back with the help of strangers. I have also felt just generally disorientated at times, asking stupid questions and misunderstanding what I'm told and just having very absurd thought chains that leave me acting like an idiot over something that could be done simply.
NUMBNESS: My legs, hands from elbow down, and mouth went numb last Saturday and still remain a little bit numb. I struggled walking, had to sit down a lot, and my grip wasn't as tight as normal. I felt lightheaded standing. I could speak and smile, though, and my face wasn't and never has been droopy. When I smile, though, the muscles on the left side of my mouth tense up unusually with wrinkles that used not to be there.
SWALLOWING: I struggle swallowing at times, threw up water once and just keep coughing at other times. (The petechiae I mentioned earlier happened after I threw up, so it could also be a result of that.)
EXHAUSTION: One day I was able to stay awake for just five hours (granted I was in the ER the past night for numbness), another night I slept for like fifteen hours. I am tired a lot, some days all I can do is lie in bed or sit on couch, other days I have to take more breaks and just go to bed right after work (if I've been even able to get to work.)
Tests so far: EKG normal. CBC normal. Blood pressure within normal range, a little elevated in one test but could have been just me worrying about not being able to stand at the time. Blood sugar and culture normal.
Tried so far: Headache does not respond to ibuprofen or paracetamol. I tried Epley manoeuvre for two weeks as a doctor suggested it, either that or rest from sick leave days might have improved the vertigo from "unable to stand without swaying" to "just annoying." Eye strain helps somewhat when I take off my glasses.
I feel like doctors aren't taking me seriously, even brought up my mental health history out of the bush like I'm imagining things even though I'm all gucci on that end. I get that my symptoms are unusual as a whole and they find it unlikely it's anything acute, but my life is so hellish with this shit, it's like flipping a coin if I'll be lying in bed all day with a headache and nausea and numbness and what not, or when I do drag my ass to work, if I gotta drag a chair around cause I struggle standing, and keep pushing myself to the end of the shift telling myself "just one more hour." It's also annoying I haven't seen properly for a month, even now writing this hurts my head. It's like they are hiding referrals like government secrets lol.
Background information: I have asthma and alfa-1-antitrypsin-deficiency (MZ alleles). I have also been on sertraline for years. (I did stop it last autumn when a doctor suggested it wasn't necessary anymore. I have family history of bipolar, and experienced a two week period of hypomania like symptoms after stopping. Soon after, a stressful life event triggered a depressive episode, which lasted for two months, but subsided as I started the medication again and got over the stressful life event. For the past four months I have had less stress than normally, I have been happy, I love my new work, I have friends, etc. When starting and ending sertraline I had mild side symptoms such as a feeling of vertigo for a second or two when moving my head quickly, but I would find it quite strange that a medication that has worked well for me for years would suddenly be behind all these strange symptoms that started about a month ago.)

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Hey guys,
Had an unexpected bill come out resulting in me being slightly short this month, wondering if anyone is able to lend a hand.
New to this sub Reddit/this process in general so please let me know if any mistakes etc. happy to explain in detail via pm.
Have a great day/night

Oh how sad I am. I've been planning this escape for years. And now that I'm finally here, with one more night on my... not-really-a-bed, just a... mat-on-the-floor with blanket and pillows...
I sob. Sob and cry and wonder why I feel all this pain. I'm the one who wanted to escape. To live my life to the fullest. To do all the things I love. To draw and sing, to wear my hair down and bake, to make friends and wear cute dresses, to have cats and be with the man I love and oh gosh how lucky I am that he loves me dearly and wants the best for me. He and his mum supported me so so much. My friend too. They are my chosen family.
But... why am I feeling so horribly sad...? Its because I'll never see my parents or siblings again. I feel so bad for my mum because she allows people to use her and by that I mean she does everything for my grown ass siblings. And my extended family all use her a lot too.
About my mum.
Sadly, shes religious. Prays constantly. Always telling us to pray. Donates money to needy. Forced me to pay zakkah. Buys counters to constantly recite, it's like digital tasbeehs and stuff to use wherever without looking or counting. You just press and then you get your number on a screen. She takes care of her mum sometimes. Often cooks for her. She often watches her sisters kids because her sister, my aunt... is ever so social and kinda just expects my mum to baby sit them. My mum cooks almost every day. Usually every other day because my dad refuses to eat old food. And when I say cook I dont mean something easy like whip up a pasta. I mean dishes that take at least more than 2 hours to cook. Mind you though, hes a chef and does cook sometimes in the house. But since he works he expects mum to cook and honestly if I were a man, I'd want that too. To come home from work to good food. Anyway...
I have siblings. One of which is a piece of good for nothing shit. Uses and abuses mum psychologically. For real. It's so sad. And mum enables this shit because she believes it's not actually my siblings behaviour. It's apparently a ghost. My other siblings are not of legal age yet. I will miss them terribly. They... will have to grow up a lot. Mum does a lot for them. Cooking. Cleaning. Honestly, I dont cook because mum does it. Nor clean. I avoided being with mum and basically without realising it, did that rock technique with her. Where I basically diffuse the conversation and stuff because I hate talking about Islam and just avoid being around her and stuff. I forgot what the technique is actually called.
I love her. Even if I'm sure her love for me is conditional. I wish to keep contact with her. But I worry about her health. Diabetes and general pressure issues. If she dies, my dad wont be able to take care of my siblings. My dad will cook for them and teach them how to travel to school and stuff. But besides that, he wont know about their medical conditions or history, he cant speak much English just some. He is smart but also not really? It's weird.
Mg siblings and mum is who I worry for most. The two siblings who arent over 18 yet. I dont care for the other one because they ruined my life and became such a horrible person. I get some of it is mental health issues so they need help but I'm speaking very specifically of their character before all this began.
Anyway. I escape tomorrow. Today is technically my last day ever with my family. I do love them. I wish to text or call them from time to time but I do think a period of no contact may be necessary for both them and myself to kind of... let this choice I made sink in. I've bought games for my younger siblings where we can chat and hopefully they keep this private. I do believe that they may understand me when they reach a certain age and be more accepting than my parents.
In my letter, I'm not sure if I should say I left because I wanted to live my life or because "God guided me" and play that card. I'm semi atheist. Sometimes I believe in God and other times I dont. Right now km not really sure what I am so I say semi atheist. I will cry and cry and cry after I've made it to my partner. He and his mum will hold me close and tell me I'm safe and loved and deserve to choose the life I want. I have support. We are gonna do so many things together that we couldn't before!
I'm an artist. In so many ways. I had to hide my art with my family. With my partner, he wanted them all displayed. For Christmas, I drew portraits, more like fantasy portraits of him and his mum and his cat. They still have it displayed in their house. It warms my heart. I draw, sew, sculpt with clay, paint sometimes, do traditional pencils drawings with colour and without, digital art, pixel art for working on my game, make plushies and I plan to sew my own dresses, I like styling my hair although my hair is pretty damaged sadly, no not with heat products, more of just unhealthy hair. What else...? I just love making things with paper like water fall cards and spinning cards and pop up books. When I confessed to my partner, at the time he couldn't be with me because he wanted to make sure he was ready, I made him a well designed pop up book. It had stuff we liked, camping, gaming, sleeping, loads of pop up and sliding elements. Then on our 1st anniversary, I made him an explosion box. He was absolutely in shock as he opened it over Skype. I plan to make an even better gift for next time. For Christmas he attempted something similar, he is very creative too. He made me a book of himself. Like a little toy for my to hold around with funny comments and his cat kinda touring me through his weak knee joints Haha and his heart which loves me 100% and his little nose which if I boop, doesnt do anything, nor the the little mole he has on his face. All these drawings and details, I love it so much.
Why did I write all that... I'm trying to cope right now. I want encouragement. I'm scared. But I know I have to do this. I dont want to cry or be sad. I wanna be happy because I have this opportunity to run away move out and be free. I've saved and saved enough for at least a few years. But I'll be getting a job in the new country after I learn the language officially. By going to school to learn the language I'll keep myself occupied and busy. At my partners house we will be playing games ans cuddling and making Lego stuff and drawing and going for walks and watching films so I know I'll be happy.
I just also know I'll wonder how my family are and worry those thoughts will eat into my happy time. I dont know how to go about this.
Please... I wanna move out on happy terms. I deserve to live. To think 7 years ago I was going to take my life because I prayed constantly to God and he didnt seem to reply to it... and then I became an ex Muslim and found a new friend and then a another one of which who became my partner... I never would have believed if someone told me, hey in some years you'll move away from your family have a loving boyfriend and be free from religion. I'd have slapped them maybe and said shut up you liar. Get lost.
But here I am. I didnt take my life. I won. And I'm gonna win again tomorrow when I take that plane. I'm just sad about missing my family. Even if they were unpleasant at times. I still love them.
But I deserve to live my own life. I can do this. One more night on my not so very comfy floor bed.
Paper Blackstar
I will never post from this account again. For updates on my situation, possibly a tutorial of how I escape, please see my other account, The Paper Blackstar. It has one post saying that it's me, and in the comments a mod confirmed.

As the title says I am new to Diablo and games like this in general, any tips or class preferences for a newbie?

Hey all! I'm going to a convention this weekend that I have to take the train to get to. I know that normally people fly to conventional and can hide their suits pretty well, but I feel generally uncomfortable being on a train where I live in suit because of the type of general dangers of public transit here. Whats a good way to carry a partial suit around that hides it?

Essentially as the title says. I (29, AMAB, non-binary) have been open about my gender identity with my partner, and they(30, AFAB, non-binary) are positive and supporting. They know I've tried to start HRT in the past, about 8 years ago before we got together. Due to medical issues it wasn't feasible at the time. Long story short: medical, financial, and mental health issues kept getting in the way, but I'm stable enough on all those fronts to consider HRT this year.
I'm very anxious though. I've been a very masc-presenting person for our whole relationship (easier to hide my body that way). I don't know how they'll feel about it and I kind of want this decision to be entirely mine. I'm also worried that I'll hate it and have to tell my partner I'm discontinuing after a few months. (I don't think I will, but puberty caused a lot of dysphoria the first time so you never know).
Given all these considerations, I'm considering just starting, and letting my partner know at some point once I feel entirely sure that it's what I want to do for the rest of my life. But that also isn't my favourite idea in the world. What if they feel betrayed by that? What if it's justified for them to feel that way?
Sorry for the long rambly post. Any advice and/or support is welcome. Thank you!