Poem for my mom s birthday in heaven

I (M23) and my best friend (M23) both attended a mutual’s friend’s party earlier in the day and went out to some bars afterwards. We both got drunk and we were drinking for hours before we went. I ended up meeting and hooking up with a girl at the bar and I was talking to her for most of the night. My friend ended up talking and meeting another girl which we realized at the end of the night was the girl that I hooked up with’s friend. We all got food together after the bar closed where he asked if we could all go back to mine house. I obliged and the two girls brought an additional friend with them. We all took an Uber and when we arrived to my house, my best friend had to use the bathroom and went into some bushes on my lawn. I started to let everyone in and told everyone to be quiet while we entered my house. I still live at home with my parents and left the door open for my friend who was using the bathroom outside. About 1 minute later my friend rang the doorbell thinking he got locked out which woke up my mom and dad, and as a result got them worried thinking something happened because it was 3 am. I explained I was bringing some people back from the bar, which they do not have a problem with as long as we are quiet. As we got to my house the girl that I hooked up with and her friend immediately fell asleep on my couch. My friend continued to make advances on the friend he was talking to, as she was still up while her friends and the girl I was going to get with fell asleep. My mom still awoken up by my friend ringing the door bell came downstairs to find two random girls sleeping on her couch. I talked to her and told her what happened, we both agreed that it was best to have them leave as they were people I didn’t know other than meeting them at the bar earlier in the night. When I went back to wake them up and ask them nicely to leave, I found my best friend and the girl he was with having sex in the other room on our living room couch. I told my friend to get up and that I needed to talk to him, which he responded that he was busy. I told him it was important and he put his clothes on and came over to me, which I then explained that I had to get everyone out because my mom did not want people over anymore. He then called me jealous and a piece of shit of shit for wanting him out while he was having sex with another girl in my parents house. They eventually all got in an Uber and left and I went to bed. I awoke the next day to my friend apologizing that he pushed me to have everyone over. I told him that wasn’t the issue but that he has a lack of respect for me. He not only rang the doorbell at 3am which woke up and upset parents when he knows my parents are always home when we come back that late, but he tried to have sex on our living room couch which I find disrepctful and disgusting. And instead of helping me remove everyone he said that I was a piece of shit. I told him over text how I felt the next day for which he did apologize for and said he was drunk and needed to be better. I want to let this go, but I think the biggest issue here is since we are so close and my parents know him well that he thinks he can act anyway he wants in my parent’s house. There have been other times that I have let go in the past where we have come back to mine after the bar and he immediately goes into the kitchen and starts eating and making any food he can find without asking beforehand. On top of this, he never has anyone over at his and I guarantee if I acted in anyway close to this, his parents would not appreciate it and make me leave. I feel like since he never has people over, he doesn’t know what it is like to host and deal with people and acts the way he does. Aitah here for getting mad at him?

First off, the reason why I'm now doing two suggestions at a time is because my Internet went out for a few days, meaning that I couldn't post here. So now I'm doing two suggestions at a time to help catch up on the days I missed out on (if that makes sense)
My 15th birthday is on May 22nd (AKA 8 days away). So as a way of celebrating my upcoming birthday, I'd like you to give me suggestions on what to add to this birthday cake!
RULES
• No NSFW stuffs (obviously)
• Don't suggest anything too complicated (I'll still try to draw it, but I'll most likely draw it horribly)
• if your suggestion(s) get picked, you can't suggest anything else
CURRENT STUFFS ADDED
• The cake itself
• A random sun in the corner
• A horribly drawn dog trying to eat the cake
• Bricky (for some reason)
• A random moon in the corner
• A comically large fork in the cake
• Some burning presents in the corner (for some reason)
• Some clouds
Thank you for reading / participating!

Long Vent/StoryTime.
I used to love my job. I loved being a barista
I would come in smiling just because I got to make drinks, work with people who also loved making drinks, and watch as these customers got what they wanted. I prided myself on memorizing every recipe. Every standard. Not a single thing was out of place. Sure there were drinks I didn’t like making, and the few customers who were rude were hard, but it was worth it.
My very first job. I loved it. It was my pride. I worked at a Tom Thumb Starbucks Kiosk. It was hard since I didn’t have any training, but I felt love in my work.
Fast forward to September, and everyone I worked with had now left. I was asked to be the new manager. I felt ecstatic, I was chosen to make the kiosk my own!
The first thing I wanted to do was make sure all baristas knew each other and worked together. Then make sure they all have the same training. Then add samples to boost sales. Then the cleaning routine evenly split between shifts. I had these plans and ideas.
About a month in, I noticed that my director was scheduling people outside of their availability. So I took it upon myself to make sure everyone got the shifts they needed according to the availability sheets I made. Then people started calling out. Sickness. Birthdays. Car trouble. Had prior obligations. Medical appointments. Excuse after excuse come in. And I gladly work the shifts. Because I loved my job.
Holiday came and went. No one had seen the work I did. My director consistently screamed at me because my baristas weren’t following what I was telling them. So I asked to make the schedule and take people off and write them up if it continued. I wasn’t granted that power. “Your job is to make people come in. If they don’t, you do, there is no excuse”
I worked tirelessly. Not able to manage the people under me. Not being heard by the people above me. I was the only manager in the entire store who didn’t do their schedule. I found out I was also paid significantly less than all the other department managers. Not .50 1.00, but 5 and 10 dollars less. With the same amount of experience.
Recently I’ve had no one come in on weekends. I open. Close. Do mid. Clean. Organize. And restock. All on my own. We also had 2 corporate locations close for remodel, so we’re pulling in 10-12 times the amount of customers. An average day 3 months ago was $500 and now I’m doing $6000 all by myself. Cold Bar. Warming. Customer Support. Bar. It’s just me. I’ve collapsed multiple times from sheer exhaustion and working alone 15 hours with no break 3-4 times a week. I’ve called HR. I’ve called my local labor departments. I’ve talked with my doctors and therapist.
Sunday was my breaking point. I’m now on bed rest by recommendation from my doctor because I’ve thrown out my back. Mother’s Day BOGO ruined me. And I had regular customers come back and say “what happened to the old -Aki- I used to see?” And I just sit there with bags under my eyes and tears down my face. Because I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did wrong.
I need my job. I can’t live without my $16/hr, and there isn’t another job paying that much around me, nor has corporate Starbucks accepted any of my applications. I was kicked out of my parents at 18. I have to be able to afford rent. I don’t have another option. I’m only 19 years old.
I used to love my job. And now. It’s slowly killing me. I can’t even begin to imagine what life could have been if I never worked at this store. This hell is the Tale of the Burnt Barista.
-Aki (not my real name)

So this happened a long time ago. My sister, will call her D was 14 at the time and I was 21. I just moved back home due to an abusive relationship, but that is another story for another time. Anyway, I was getting home from work around the time the sunset, so a little after 5:00pm Central time U.S.... When I arrived at home my dad had the lights off and was watching The Ring on the working TV that was on top of the big broken TV, (I know redneck fantastic) I saw my sister D at the corner of my eye, and she just got out of the shower. Imagine this. D had long, wet, black hair and in a white nightgown. She had pale white shin. She looks at me and puts her index finger to her lips giving me a shush sign, and the thought pops in my head, "What in the world are going to do now, you little psycho?" The part of the movie where the little girl pops out of the TV and gets the guy and drains the life out of him. At this moment, D is crawling on the floor and crouched under the broken TV and waited for that moment, and when the girl popped out of the TV and D jumped up in front of our dad. My dad jumped in the air, and screamed. We heard a sound that came from him. It was a wet fart. When he got to his feet he ran to the bathroom, while calling out to our mom to bring him clean underwear and pants. I laughed so hard, I fell on the floor, and so di our sister R who was 17 at the time. To this day my dad hasn't watched any horror movies in the dark around D.

About a year ago, my friend started getting paranoia. He was saying some girl was stalking him, hacking his social media, and he kept seeing her car following him.
He started isolating and not many of me or my friends have talked to him in awhile. He just started keeping too himself.
Then he goes missing for about a week and a half.
He was found, saying his aunt tried to kill him. Saying His mom tried to cut his penis off. He’s also been talking in an accent.
His mentor is currently looking for a faclity but the last two he’s been in have diagnoised him with anxiety, depression, and anger and released him pretty quickly.

I'll explain why and how the fight started. Please tell me if I am in the wrong or if I should apologise and get back together.
The story:
I took a break from working for like a couple months. Since I am "free", my partner wants me to spend time with them mostly and wants all my attention. We have been going out for almost a year now.
So, we hang out for like 8 hours a day (my partner works from home). Once I get back home, they will facetime me after dinner and we talk until we sleep. But I don't get to do anything I want to.
They usually don't like me spending time with my friends. We have gotten into a lot of arguments cuz I'm on call with my friends while they try to call.
The actual conflict:
My friend had her birthday a week ago. I don't hang out with my friends that often cuz I am always with my partner. So, my friends made this birthday party plan a month prior to get everyone on board. This plan wasn't even a full day plan. It was like a half day plan and we'd get home in the evening.
When we go out with friends, we usually don't know what we're gonna do. We make plans as we go. So, We didn't make a detailed plan. We just knew we're going to the beach. That's it.
So, I told my partner about this and they were okay. But on the day I was supposed to go to the party, they started asking me questions about where we are going, what we'll be doing and everything.
Them asking questions was not a problem for me. I answered everything. But they felt as if I did not want to share that information to them and that's why I didn't tell them myself.
When I told them we don't know what we'd be doing, they were like, "you just don't wanna share it with me. It's fine. You made the plan anyway right?". I did not make the plan. And when I tried to prove it to them that we did not have a solid plan that day. They did not even want to hear me out.
My partner clearly did not want me to go. So, I texted the birthday girl that I won't be joining them. She understood that my partner is that way.
Meanwhile, my partner and I started screaming at each other. One thing led to another and finally when they said "dont cancel your plans for me, go, be with your awesome friends".
I got fed up. My friends have been with me for over 10 years. They understand what type of situation I'm in. You still pull their leg in our fight?
I just told them "my friends are awesome whether you like it or not". That's it. They slammed a chair against the wall.
I was frustrated and was done with this shit. I just told them that we're breaking up and left.
I did not know where to go. I wanted to cry. My parents were at my home. I haven't told them about my partner. So, I called my friend and asked if could come over
She was getting ready to go out. I went there, cried for more than an hour. And my friend said "look, you have been crying for so long. They haven't tried to call or text you at all. They blocked you on insta. Enough is enough. Come with us"
So, I went with them to the beach. Meanwhile, my partner started calling me. I was with the friends of the birthday girl. So, I didn't answer the call cuz I know my partner would scream at me. And I was not ready for that call infront of strangers.
They kept calling me non stop and when I finally answered. They told me they were waiting outside my house. When I told them I came with my friends they started yelling, screaming, cursing.
I took my stance and told them it's over. But they still kept calling and told me that they are the only one fighting for this relationship. They started to self harm themselves and that made me leave my friends and book a cab to their place.
Even while I was on the cab they still called me names. Asked me not to come. They said " took you long enough to leave your awesome friends and look at me"
After a while I couldn't take it anymore and i just went straight home.
Then, they got even angry and pulled up outside my house. Remember, my parents came to visit. So, they were Standing outside. I asked them to come in and have a convo, they refused. My mom and dad came out and invited them in. They still refused.
They told me, "you went out to the beach with your friends right? I want you to come to the beach with me right now". (P.s. it was 10pm at the time)
I didn't go. And it made them even mad. They started cussing and said I prioritise my friends over them.
This fight happened for about 30 mins before they left. Then we didn't speak for a while.
After few days, we made up. They told me that I don't love them enough and constantly compared me to their ex's.
Yesterday, they found an insta reel that my friend posted of that day in the beach. I didn't tell them about it cuz I didn't want to start a fight again. We both knew that this topic brought conflict. My partner saw the reel and said "I was miserable that day and you had fun???"
I was miserable that day too. The girls at the party who I barely knew also were asking me if something was wrong or if they could help. I actually ruined their party. I was crying. Always on the phone with my partner cuz they kept on calling.
But my partner now thinks I have betrayed them while they stayed loyal cuz they've never been loyal to any of their ex's. They tell me I have never been grateful of them. That I was enjoying while they were miserable trying to hurt themself.
I did try to have a conversation about this. But they won't understand my side of the story.
And when I told them I can't keep coming to their place every single day cuz I need to take care of some stuff. They flip out saying "you be with your family. You be with your awesome friends. Don't ever come to me. Why do you need me anyway"
When I facetimed them today, they faced the camera to the wall and never spoke a word. And finally, they sent a text saying that they will stop everything they did for me. And left a good bye message.
Now, back to the question:
Please tell me if I am in the wrong or if I should apologise and get back together????

Hi! I was recently prescribed estarylla, I started my pack the day before by period but unfortunately was only able to take one pill (Sunday) before I had to stop. Unfortunately my mom developed blood clots so I went in for testing to make sure I didn’t have any possible clotting disorders that birth control could make me even higher at risk for. It’s been more than a week and I still haven’t started my period. I haven’t gotten back on birth control as I decided to wait until my period started again as the package said that it was best to start on the first day of my period. But my period is no where in sight. I took a pregnancy test just in case even though it would be very unlikely that I am since I have not had sex in three months and I have been having my period (twice) since then until this cycle, nonetheless I bought bought tests and got tested at a clinic. All came out negative. So I was wondering if taking just one pill could have messed with my cycle? My periods are usually very regular so I am concerned.

Some background- I have been VLC with my mom and NC with my grandma for almost 6 months now. I haven’t blocked them because I feel so mentally distanced from them that it’s not necessary at this point, but it feels like we are estranged. There’s no going back, in my opinion. I’m low contact with my stepdad by proxy I guess, because he does whatever my mom says- he’s never asked why I don’t speak to them anymore, only told me that I’m selfish for putting my mom through this. The usual stuff I guess.
My grandma isn’t in good health. She’s 85(?) and hasn’t exercised in decades and has been having having heart issues for the past 10 years or so. Taken by ambulance to the hospital at least 3 times and a few procedures.
The last I heard from her was her accidentally texting me something meant for my mom, saying something like ‘oh of course she’s pregnant again, she just doesn’t want to go back to work, amaaazing’ after no showing at my holiday aka pregnancy reveal party that I hosted only to tell my family in person.
On Friday my mom texted my husband and I that my grandma was taken to the hospital for a heart issue. I didn’t answer for a few hours bc I have a family and life and didn’t have time. I’m also very pregnant and trying to have a peaceful pregnancy bc my first was riddled with stress and the first part of this one was, too. My stepdad then texted and at that time I was able to respond to him. My husband answered my mom, I don’t like to say anything to her bc truly anything I say will be twisted and used as horrible gossip and I don’t want the anxiety of wondering what she’s saying to my family and our friends. I answered my stepdad and said thanks for letting me know.
I think my mom is flipping out that I haven’t said anything to her, it’s like a 6th sense I have that I try to ignore. Today my stepdad texted my husband and I again and said my grandma had a stroke and is still in the hospital. I asked if this is something new, or the same event as Friday. He said they don’t know. I’m like.. ok? Why are you telling me again?
I know this probably sounds very cold of me, I just can’t help but think this is some dramamongering tactic by my parents. I think they should handle this on their own and leave me out of it. What do I have to offer or add? Am I supposed to go visit her in the hospital 1.5 hours away with my 1 year old? This woman sees me as her competitor and like a ‘wet fish’. Are they expecting me to be a shoulder to cry on for my mom?
I can’t help but think that this is kind of just what happens when you’re really mean to everyone and sit and let your body rot away for decades. And then I’m supposed to feign sympathy?

I’m a 20 year old female and I only roleplay with anyone 18+.
In all of these you’d be playing Poe Dameron. I also prefer them to be slowburn and long term.
1.) In this idea my character is Leia and Han’s daughter and Ben’s (Kylo Ren’s) twin. She was with her father since Ben and my character can sense each other (she also has the force) and that would be harmful to the resistance. She comes back when Han does since she learnt how to block out Ben so he can’t feel her. She and Poe butt heads a bit since she walks in and immediately tries to go to Leia (her mom). He doesn’t know she’s Leia’s daughter and tries to stop her. Then it’s more just two pilots disagreeing on what’s best but she always has his back and vice versa. They bicker much like Han and Leia did.
2.) My character is a medic. One day, Poe gets badly injured and she is the one to patch him up and take care of him till he is recovered. They get closer during that time and after he’s healed he keeps coming in for these otherwise minor injuries just to see her.
3.) My character was Poe’s childhood best friend. They had a relationship when they were young but he leaves for the resistance without a word. He comes back one day to see his father and runs into her. She’s become the best mechanic there is. She was good when they were young but now she’s amazing. He convinced her to join the resistance and because Poe is a higher up and sings her praises she is immediately made a higher up amongst the mechanics. She is his personal mechanic too and tries to win her over and get her to be with him again.

Having a small wedding next year and I made a guest list of 25 people. We’re in our early/mid 20’s paying for majority of it. The only people of mine coming are my grandparents best friend and 1 aunt. (my parents were never around and my grandparents raised me and my siblings all got adopted out and I don’t know them). On my Fiancé’s moms side they are all amazing and have remained very close to us and always checking in and supportive so they’re all invited! However, on his dad’s side.. not so much. They haven’t “done” anything to me/us but just their family dynamic is not the best. His dad isn’t close with me which kind of hurts because I always wanted a father figure other than my grandpa but I understand that he has a step daughter that he thinks of as a daughter and that’s fine! He is paying for the dinner which is $2500 and I’m very thankful for.
Here is what I’m actually stuck on. I guess it’s a no brainer to invite his grandma on his dad’s side who hasn’t done anything to me but probably has definitely talked sht just like she does about everyone.. a very problematic old lady lol. Her son, my Fiancés uncle got married 2 years ago and we attended but word got around during the wedding that she said that her now daughter in law looked like a clown which made her cry on her wedding day. Like what the actual ***! We are also undecided about Inviting his uncle and his new wife. Reason being that we’re not close with them at all. We’ve never actually spoken to his wife and he’s never congratulated us on being engaged until a few months later at a family reunion we were dragged into going to when he definitely knew about us being engaged beforehand lol.. I just feel like if we don’t invite him his grandma will start a bunch of drama. But on the other hand we do want a wedding with people that have been there for us, in our lives, and support us.
My last topic/rant/help is that his dad said to my fiancé 2 people he has to invite “even though they probably won’t come but will most likely send money”. I don’t like that. Even though most of his family on dads side lives in a different country why would I send an invitation to only those 2 people who we don’t want coming in hopes for “a gift of money”. I don’t like those 2 people more than I like his other family members that live there and don’t want word getting around that they received and invite but others didn’t. Idk. Feels kinda like a set up.
If you read all of this, thank you. I just needed to rant and ask for advice on the situation.

I often ponder what it means to grow up,/ Is it the moment you no longer see a child in the mirror's reflection?/ Or when your mother's eyes no longer hold that youthful affection?/ Perhaps it's when your father's arms can no longer lift you high up./
...
Yet, I sense it runs deeper than mere appearance,/ Perhaps it's when you awaken from a dream's trance,/ And find the excitement to share it with your mom has lost its dance./ Yes, that's when adulthood begins its eerie interference.
...
Growing up isn't about ticking off years on a page,/ It's about preserving that inner spark, that youthful sage./ In the eyes of elders, I see traces of childhood's play,/ In the minds of children, I see inklings of life's pathway./
...
So embrace your mother once more, share your dreams with pride,/ For being an adult is a choice, not just a stride./ Childhood doesn't end at eighteen's gate,/ It wanes when dreams no longer eagerly await,/ To be whispered in your mother's attentive ear,/ Like secrets of youth, so precious and dear./
...
I've come to realize what it truly means to grow,/ It's not about aging, it's about holding onto the glow,/ Of youthful dreams and boundless imagination,/ That's where adulthood finds its true validation./
...
It's my first time writing a poem and English is not my first language so please provide me good feedback so I can improve 🙏🏻
First comment: https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/nLXaZynHLD Second comment: https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/LnitDPM12v

Our company (community bank with 500 employees) relies on vendors to supply customer-facing technology products - we obviously can choose which vendors to use and have some influence over their product roadmap but nothing like having an engineering team in house.
We’re building a “product” function because we know we need to better understand our customers and bring solutions to market that meet their needs. Previously product basically sat within sales for each division, and they’re very different. I think the closest thing to describe my new role is product leader, and recently I got one product manager (repurposed from another role) and have an opening for another with more PM experience, so we’re building the team. I help write and adjust our business strategy with executives, do industry/market research, talk to customers and internal stakeholders, evaluate and recommend new vendors, analyze usage data, etc. I have enough credibility in the company to try new things and have cover above me for really whatever shifts we need to make - it’s a great organizational culture so not a lot of worries there.
The last 9 months since I took on this expanded role I’ve immersed myself in PM educational content - Lenny’s, Product Compass, The Mom Test, Transformed, Continuous Discovery Habits, etc. I know it’s not all applicable because we aren’t a true product company, don’t have the standard product trio, etc. BUT I think there are several concepts that can still be beneficial for a company like ours.
Long way of asking, has anyone had success implementing some modern product principles/practices in a more legacy organization? What was most effective and what’s not worth trying? We will likely continue to use vendors for our customer- facing technology for the foreseeable future. At the end of the day we’re just trying to become more customer-focused and “build” solutions that solve real problems for our current/future customers. Any input is welcome - thanks!

I’m a single mom of 2 special needs children.
My BD is almost completely a deadbeat. Since our separation there’s been 3 months of MIA (usually MIA happens when he fights with his GF, and when she’s not around to remind him his children exist he just disappears). He’s about 6.5K behind in child support, and he skipped both birthday’s and Christmas (as in he didn’t get them any presents, didnt visit, didn’t text or FaceTime).
Naturally this is infuriating for me on behalf of my children, so I vented about how much of a deadbeat loser he is to friend over the phone. At some point through the venting I used the combination “daddy, loser”.
I’m worried my youngest heard this even though I was downstairs and they were supposed to be sleeping, because when I took her to school the next day another child addressed their father with “Daddy” of course, and my youngest repeated “Daddy— loser!”
Immediately I’m embarrassed because despite my negative venting coming from a place of truth I don’t want to be one of those parents that constantly badmouth the other parent in front of their children.
Luckily in this case my youngest is difficult to understand to everyone other than myself, so it’s very likely no one is going to pick up on it.
From now on I’ll be more mindful and discreet when I vent about him, and hopefully this minor hiccup will fade away shortly. I just felt super guilty about it and had to get it out 😅

Every year I tell my husband I only want one thing for mother's day--NOT to spend it with his family. My MIL was the WORST grandma to my kids; they had a ton of health issues as did I, so mothering was very intense for me and I had NO help from her even though she never worked and lived not so far away. She's a highly functioning narc, it took me YEARS to understand what was going on and other than my husband (now), no one else sees it. She stopped talking to me outside of these get togethers years ago when I told her that no, I did NOT want to drive an hour to her house for MY birthday, leading her to hang up on me. But this year I felt my kids have grown up a lot and mothering is less work so I could be the bigger person and get together with that side of the family b/c we hadn't seen them in months. Big mistake. We don't share values and it is SO boring to spend time with them; the conversations are 100% inane (think restaurants, celebrity gossip, sleepaway camp and golf stories) and my own son actually told me "I saw how no one would listen to you" when I tried like 3 times to join into a conversation about something I did know about between my BIL and FIL. Anyway, at the end, instead of appreciating that we'd come (we are probably at 50% attendance at these family functions b/c of how I feel) they sprung on us that they expect US (meaning me, as I'm the main cook and definitely the chief bottle washer) to host the whole big group at my house for Father's Day--which is also the day after my son's high school graduation (which they're coming to) AND I'm hosting my mom and her husband from out of town the whole weekend for it too, so I don't have time to prep for a huge cook. I do realize they are trying to give their daughter (the golden child and their absolute fave) a break b/c she fell into the defacto hostess role when they sold their house here. My MIL now hasn't lifted a finger to help with anything in YEARS. But I don't WANT to host--honestly, I don't even want to BE at the get togethers! I don't want to spend the day working that hard for people who don't treat me kindly. I also have to say that there is a HUGE economic discrepancy in how they've treated their kids which really steams me. We have received very little financial assistance from them over the years--granted, b/c husband made very good career decisions and has worked incredibly hard, we don't need assistance (not a coincidence, these things were important to him as his way of becoming independent of them), but both of the other siblings have lived for YEARS in houses that my inlaws paid for and are getting other significant things paid for as well that we don't. Yet my inlaws seem to think they can demand that we all do things for them b/c they are so used to using their money for control and don't see that we haven't been beneficiaries like that. There is a 3rd brother with a family who doesn't work and doesn't have a kid graduating that weekend who could host, so I was just flabbergasted. I just don't understand how they can ONLY think of themselves (or their favorite child) ALL THE TIME. They are on permanent vacation between their two remaining homes and we are both working, I'm still struggling with a lot of health issues AND I have two still-high need kids who I cook for and do a lot of other parenting for every day. My husband says it's 'over' b/c I said no but I feel like it's NEVER over--they push and push and push and even if I 'won' this one I know there'll be a next. Clearly they think we 'owe' them. I disagree--strongly. I wish I could separate from them more but my husband makes me feel that is not an option. What should I do? I keep setting boundaries b/c that is the only healthy way I know of dealing with them, but it is still torture for me to spend time with them when I have to and I know my husband is irritated at me for not 'letting it go.'

Link to AO3
chapters 1&2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
The Academy looked normal enough from the distance but blew Gentry’s mind when she finally entered it. First of all, the way in lay through a massive winter garden full of the most luxurious botanical collection she’s ever seen. Not only that, but it seemed to be arranged in a way that offered spaces for hanging out as well as paths in and out. Here and there, G noticed little nooks with people’s voices coming from them and small murmuring streams gleamed in the sun that blazed through the transparent walls and roof. This place looked magical and invited to stay, enjoy the refreshing coolness and peace of mind. But Gentry had a good enough rest in her communal room the night before and was eager to start working on her first assignment that the System had spat out with a congratulating letter. Figuring out the controls of her new wristcomm was simple enough.
DEAR GENTRY!
WE ARE DELIGHTED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE THE FIRST CONTESTANT TO CLEAR ALL CHALLENGES AND OBTAIN THE STATUS OF AN ASHTAPADAN NEWCOMER! YOUR MEDICAL DATA HAS BEEN ANALYSED AND FOUND ACCEPTABLE.
IN THE ATTACHMENT TO THIS LETTER YOU WILL FIND A LIST OF RULES, RECOMMENDATIONS AND IDEAS THAT WILL DEFINITELY HELP YOU IN THE FIRST WEEKS IN OUR BEAUTIFUL CITY BUT WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND FINDING A BUDDY THAT WOULD BE YOUR MAIN GUIDE AND POTENTIALLY A NEW GREAT FRIEND! IT CAN BE ANY CITIZEN OR A MORE EXPERIENCED NEWCOMER.
YOUR CURRENT POINTS: 0
WHY NOT START EARNING SOME WITH YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT?
START ANY BEGINNER COURSE AT THE ACADEMY AND KEEP YOUR ATTENDANCE RATE OVER 80% — WORTH 50 POINTS
(OPTIONAL) FIND SOMEBODY WHO IS WILLING TO BECOME YOUR BUDDY — WORTH 20 POINTS
Without stopping to check if the vending machines offered anything good, G made her way through the dreamy garden and entered the inner yard that looked just like everything here: nothing too eye-catching at first glance but secrets hidden everywhere.
One thing she had already noticed was that most of the people had another piece of technology on their bodies besides the comm on their wrists: a sort of extendable visor that some of them kept engaged at all times. Those who were focused on the screen had a comical look on their faces, a thousand-mile stare, eyes wide even as they were talking to each other or going about their business. It was unclear yet why they would engage the screen for so long though. No one needed this much time to read a notification or check a map.
Take a group of young students by the fountain, for example. They seemed deep in conversation with each other yet their pupils didn’t focus on the person in front, but on the translucent screen over the top part of their faces. Was it some kind of virtual reality helmet?
If so, G needed one, too.
Perhaps she’d be able to make new friends this way.
There was something else that caught Gentry’s eye. Despite her initial disappointment about the severe lack of male hotness in the streets, people of both sexes seemed to really care about their appearance. Even those who probably weren’t naturally stunning were very interesting to look at not least because of the crazy fashion sense everyone here had. Never before had G seen so much variety in what everyone wore: countless variations on different national garments, some looking very traditional, like something one could see in a theatre, some — futuristic uniforms straight out of a sci-fi movie. It didn’t seem like anyone was concerned with gender norms here, too. At least in when it came to the outfits.
G hoped she didn’t look like a creepy stalker when her gaze lingered on a pair of very nicely shaped legs stretching from underneath a plaid skirt that belonged to a young man in the group sat by the edge of the water. A pair of snow-white knee-highs, flat loafers and neat raven hair with some blue streaks completed the image. His clothes fit him very well and weren’t inappropriate in the least: something an old money university student would wear.
A female student that is.
And he wasn’t alone. Here and there, among more conventionally dressed people, there were people wearing all sorts of things: a crazy mix of goth-like apparel but barefoot, men and women with heads covered with scarves, people in strange jewelery that looked like it weighed a ton and so on. Most importantly, no one seemed to care what the others looked like.
Was it paradise? Looks like the demo didn’t lie: it was heaven on earth.
The young man in the middle of the student gaggle caught her staring after all. With a dazzling smile, he waved in her direction as if they were great friends, and G waved back, face heating, hoping there wasn’t anyone behind her this tease was actually waving at. Thank god his shoes weren’t heeled, otherwise she would definitely have a heart attack right here, in the middle of the common area, on her first day.
Did he notice her ogling his legs? Judging by the giggles of his friend's entourage, they all did. The young flirt covered his mouth, eyes wide in mock indignation and pulled his knees in, as if hiding them from the improper attention, getting even more laughter from the rest of the company. G averted her eyes and tried to calm her breathing as she was on her way through the yard again, but before they all disappeared from her field of view, she noticed the coquette stretch his legs again and fall back on a friend of his, embracing the lucky man’s neck in an affectionate gesture, already forgetting G existed.
There was no way she wasn’t going to make some pretty boy do the same for her. Forget the assignment, put that in the list of her top priorities!
At first, Gentry was lost when she failed to find any kind of class schedule and there was no one to ask at the reception desk.
Why have a reception desk if nobody’s on duty?
Soon, however, it occurred to her that there was no schedule: each room within the wide marble corridors had a small display with a handwritten message scribbled on it.
Bachata for beginners
Product engineering (Tuesday class cancelled)
Colloidal chemistry (revision today)
None of these were the Communications course that Jey was talking about, but the variety definitely made G’s eyebrows go up.
Was she just supposed to barge into any class and sign up? Did she have to sign up later if she liked the subject? Was it ok to choose any?
After some wandering around, too scared to just walk in uninvited or ask others for directions, she finally stumbled across the door saying:
Communication & decision making course (Newcomers welcome)
With the desks arranged in a horseshoe and the people of various ages that were also apparently Newcomers, it all seemed comfortably casual. Everyone was chatting as she walked in, paying G no mind so she busied herself with the wristcomm that dinged at exactly the right time to save her the embarrassment of looking for a desk.
Would you like to enroll in this course? Scroll down to read the description.
Was this damn thing a spying device? Did it just know which room she was in? Jey didn’t joke when she said the little thing was going to be her primary aid!
“Are you looking for somewhere to sit?” called a young red-haired woman at one of the paired desks. “Here, this one is free.” She had the auglasses on, like everyone else, but they were off, showing her lively face and a pair of sharp green eyes.
“Thanks,” G said, gratefully taking the offer. “I’m new here, don’t know how things work yet.”
“It’s alright, the course is very engaging, you’ll love it.” — the woman held out a hand — “I’m Sereen, what’s your name?”
G shook the warm palm. “It’s Gentry. And by new I mean I’m new to Ashtapada, not just the course. Literally arrived yesterday.”
“Really?” — S looked surprised — “Everything must be very confusing!”
“You have no idea,” G smiled. “I’m glad someone understands. Everyone’s friendly but acts as if giant mechanical dogs in the streets and a moss garden in the lobby are the most normal things ever.”
“Don’t worry, I was just like you when I first arrived, you’ll get the hang of it soon.”
“Hope so! Is that the lecturer?”
“Shhh...”
Just like everything else in Ashtapada, the lecture started out normal enough only to unfold into something completely alien to how things were normally done.
Apparently, the Communications course involved learning rationality, debating, logic, etiquette and god knew what else. It was supposed to give the future citizens tools to, well, communicate. G was given a booklet with some ground rules for beginners that included entries that sounded like something Sun Tzu would say if he studied debating instead of warcraft.
“The purpose of any argument is not to win it and not to change the other disputant’s mind. It’s to find the truth.”
“Always argue in good faith.”
“Don’t attack your opponent.”
“If attacked, dismiss the attack as if it didn’t happen.”
Well, hopefully, it only meant verbal attacks! G knew too well that when it came to physical violence, it was hard to ignore it.
Most of the rules looked straightforward enough, some were confusing.
“Seek challenge to your convictions. Avoid echo chambers.”
“Don’t seek being right.”
“Be mindful of your audience including yourself.”
“Avoid “Empty arguments” that don’t bring everyone closer to the goal of finding the truth.”
The lecturer, a willowy man of about sixty that drowned in his tweed jacket, started the class with a bit of small talk with the regulars after distributing the booklets to all first-timers. He made sure to give it to G face down so that his photo under the “About the author” title didn’t go unnoticed. He also made most of the “talk” part himself.
“I never took part in a debate,” G told Sereen, who was patiently waiting for the class to begin. “And never seen anything like these rules. Is it actually useful?”
“Oh, believe me, professor Poe will be ecstatic to talk to you about them. He can’t not start discussing his subject at the slightest provocation. Look.” — she raised her hand — “Professor, how was your weekend?”
The man wearily smiled. “That might seem like a meaningless question, Sereen, but it’s actually very much related to the topic we are going to cover today.”
“See?” — S raised her eyebrows with a suppressed smile. G giggled. This promised to be interesting.
“Our friend Sereen is a very polite person, isn’t she?” — Poe smiled at the class but his eyes glided over everyone’s faces, gaze turned inwards like he was reading an invisible text written on the walls. “But as kind as she is, I don’t think she’s actually interested in how my weekend went. Small talk is just a social custom we engage in to strengthen our social relations. Why don’t we just start a day by saying “Hi! I value our relationship and would like to fulfill my societal role!” to everyone we know? I would definitely prefer THAT over the small talk! He-he!”
The audience laughed politely. The guy seemed alright.
“However, just as we use different tools to fulfill this role in different contexts, so can the context of a logical problem steer our thinking towards a rational, that is, right, and an irrational, that is, wrong, answer.”
“Well, that’s not a given,” Gentry mumbled under her breath but it went unnoticed by S, who was already immersed in the lecture.
“Consider the famous René Descartes’s quote "Cogito, ergo sum". Who can translate it from Latin?” — the board behind the thin, almost transparent man glowed, displaying the words.
“Is it really a Beginner’s course?” G asked Sereen in a low voice but her companion was already raising her hand, together with a dozen other students.
“I think, therefore I am,” she said after a curt nod of the lecturer’s permission.
“Very good,” he continued, pleased. “I taught you well. Those of you who attend my lectures regularly are familiar with the notion of solipsism, which states that the only thing we can be sure about is our own thoughts.”
Gentry looked at S with raised eyebrows.
If this is an introductory course, what was the advanced like?
Sereen didn’t seem to perplexed. She was fully following the thread.
“However,” professor Poe said. “I am going to challenge that notion by demonstrating that we can’t trust our own mind when it comes to perceiving reality.”
He looked at the audience with a quizzical eye, and pointed at Gentry with a long bony finger “You, new girl. I want you to close your eyes.”
Why her?
Gentry was only happy to hide behind her eyelids. No doubt the whole room was now staring at her.
Through the blood rushing in her ears, she heard the old man’s voice, “Who was sitting beside you before you closed your eyes?”
“My new friend Sereen,” G answered and heard a little gasp of appreciation from the woman.
“So you know she existed as long as you two were whispering behind my back. However, now that you can’t see or hear her. How do you know she exists?”
“Well, I can reach with my hand and touch her,” Gentry said, demonstrating.
“Yes, this is what most people answer,” Poe said. “You can open your eyes now. But let me ask you this: how would you know it was her, an not some other person that took her place?”
Gentry’s intuition was right: everyone was staring, as if waiting for her answer.
“Well, I suppose— ”
“Hush, it was a rhetorical question,” the professor cut her off. “The correct answer is that you can’t know that. We think we can trust our senses or at least our thoughts, but this is also false. Everyone, look out of the window.”
Everyone did.
The day was as fine as Gentry was annoyed.
What did this pops think of himself?
“I’d ask what you see, but I already know the answer,” he went on. “All of you would say “the sky”. And all of you would be wrong, because sky doesn’t exist. We only see the endless emptiness of the outer space, but perceive it as a blue dome. It’s an illusion, a phantom, born out of our collective unconscious.”
Sereen whispered, lost in the lecture, “Ah, yes, Carl Jung.”
What?
Was it supposed to be obvious?
“But listen to this,” he continued, voice booming like a demiurge’s in the completely silent room. “Listen to this. How many words is it? Listentothis. Our common sense says it’s three words while in reality it’s just a string of sounds I an producing with my mouth. I am literally making you hallucinate the spaces between the words I’m saying. With knowing that our perception is so flawed, how can we know that we even know how to think?”
“I’m sorry, professor, I disagr...” G started but got struck down by his serrated gaze.
“I’ll invite questions at the end, young miss,” he chopped out.
Sereen’s eyes were sympathetic. It looked like most if not all of professor Poe’s students had learned not to interrupt him.
He went on, “Anyway, the fact that you even understand what I am saying is in itself incredible and shouldn’t be possible.”
“But it IS possible, right?” G whispered to Sereen. “I mean, aren’t we understanding this as he speaks?”
“PLEASE refrain from talking unless asked!” professor Poe roared.
Impressive lung capacity for such a frail human being!
G begrudgingly did as she was told. The guy seemed to be enjoying this power trip a bit too much to her taste.
“Now, since most of you,” he put some emphasis on the word to shut up another pair of whispering students. “Most of you think you comprehend my words, you must know that there is a way to tell that something is real, even though we can’t rely on our senses for perception. I’m giving you a minute to discuss with your partners what it might be.”
G considered it. She and Sereen exchanged equally confused glances.
Like a dutiful student, S started summarising Poe’s arguments but Gentry listened with only half an ear. She felt that behind all this over-thinking was a clear and simple answer.
She watched the professor walk along the aisles, tuning into one or another conversation before leaving each with a smug head shake of disapproval.
What was there to think about? Even if they didn’t see the world precisely as it was, something was definitely real, right? The chair she felt under her buttocks, the air around, the low murmur of the students. The annoying professor that… looked a little too translucent.
Gentry waited for the man to approach their desks and tune into Sereen’s musings. As he came so near they could reach out and touch him, Gentry did just that.
To her utter shock, her hand went through the old jacket and sent a wave of static over the professor’s figure, his whole form glitching and flickering.
Professor Poe was a hologram!
Unable to help herself, Gentry said, “No wonder you don’t think anything is real, Professor, you are hardly real yourself!”
The whole roomful of people stared, transfixed, at the surreal scene of a student’s arm disappearing into the teacher’s abdomen.
Gentry looked back at Sereen in search of support.
Was it laughter in her eyes?
Poe’s blood drained from his face, the mouth slacked open, twitching as if trying to form some words, but none came out.
Sereen chimed in, “You never told us you were a simulation, Professor.”
“Out!” Poe gritted lowly so that no one really heard him.
“I’m sorry?” G asked, innocently.
“Out of my class!” he exploded, jumping out of Gentry’s reach with an enraged grimace. “I am as real as you are!”
G stood up and looked at her hand then back at Professor Poe.
How much rage could storm in those watery eyes?
Then, she winked at her new friend.
“Let’s go then, shall we?” she said.
Sereen looked lost for a second, her eyes darting pack and forth between Gentry and Poe. Then, her gaze seemed to cloud a little, as if she retreated into her own head, but when she resurfaced, she nodded with a mischievous smile.
Both young women left the room, the classmates’ sympathetic silence and Poe’s angry seething seeing them off.
***
“What a way to start my first day,” Gentry said. “My hands are still trembling a bit.”
She and S were calming their nerves in the green winter garden, the soothing sound of the little running streamlet at their feet a welcome distraction.
“Believe it or not, his course is actually quite useful,” Sereen laughed. “Who would have thought the old Poe is actually not human? I guess we never thought of poking him in the stomach before. This is going to be the talk of the Academy for the next month or so!”
“Is it? I feel bad now. I guess I’m not getting any points for attending this lecture, right?” — Gentry checked her wristcomm — “It says “zero progress” and something else… ad.. Honi… adhonim…”
Sereen laughed, “Yeah, you adhominem’ed good old Poe, no wonder you got zero credit!”
“What does it mean?”
“You’ve seen the rules of learning and discourse, right?” S said. “There are no-nos, things that aren’t allowed, especially when it comes to Rationality classes and the like. Ad Hominem means an attack on the speaker, not their argument. It isn’t exactly what you did, but I guess it’s the closest thing!”
“Ad Hominem, huh,” G said. “Well, I guess I deserve it then. Thanks for standing by me.”
If it wasn’t for Sereen, G wasn’t sure she would be going to return to the Academy any time soon!
“You just chose a wrong course as your first class, G,” — no doubt about that! — “But another lecturer who works here is much more open-minded and he also teaches Rationality. I think you’ll enjoy him more than our old Poe. His next class is in a couple of days. Wanna come?”
***
DEAR GENTRY!
CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING AN OPTIONAL ASSIGNMENT! 20 POINTS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO YOUR STATUS COUNTER.

This is such a first world problem to have so I’m sorry 😭 I invited my mom to my college graduation as a peace offering after 3 years no contact. I try to give her grace/bond with her now that I’m older. She asked my friends to find out what I wanted for my grad gift. Since I was moving to a expensive city, I asked for some house things like a good vacuum and a small nespresso. She opted for a necklace. She asked my friends to find out what kind Id prefer. They told her I only wear earrings and that its always silver. They helped her pick some they thought I’d like. She ended up going with a $2500 rose gold necklace they said no to then later dropped off her old vacuum to me. She said she was upgrading and didn’t want to spend unnecessary money on me since she already got me something pricey. I quickly figured out the real reason. It stunk so bad. I’ve cleaned it, changed the filter etc. It my makes my apartment smell like something died so I don’t use it.
For Christmas she asked me what I wanted and again I said Id love a nespresso machine. It’s something I can’t justify buying myself right now but I know I’d use the hell out of it. She gave me another rose gold necklace. This one had to be for a child because it didn’t fit my neck. Also she got herself the upgraded version of the nespresso I wanted which made me feel weird.
I know she likes to gift jewelry so I tried to level with her and mentioned while I really appreciate the gesture, I prefer a silver color so it’ll match more of my things. I asked how she’d feel if I exchanged it for one Id wear more. She said she’d be hurt and that she buys based on what’s cheaper, not what I like. I feel bad because while I understand they’re expensive, I’ve never worn rose gold and I also don’t like having expensive jewelry in my apartment because robberies happen in my area which I’ve told her. So I have accumulated a stinky vacuum, 3 rose gold necklaces, and a diamond tennis bracelet I don’t wear, I’m scared to wear, and have no safe place to store.
I understand they’re expensive and I appreciate the gesture but now that I’m on my own I’d appreciate more useful things. Plus they are cheaper. I’ve tried to communicate that and she’ll say something like I should appreciate the luxuries she generously gives. I’m boggled because I have student loans and medical debts and help with these or some applicances I haven’t been able to afford would spark so much more joy in me. Especially when she asked what I want. It’s not even about the jewelry, it’s like the principle—like she doesn’t understand me. And sometimes I feel she holds the price of these gifts over my head. I feel like such an entitled, ungrateful person for being frustrated by this so lmk if I am actually just being an ass.

• We started with the two federal lawsuits filed last Thursday, seeking to block Iowa from enforcing Senate File 2340, the immigration law that creates a new state crime of “illegal reentry.” You can read the federal government’s lawsuit here and the case filed on behalf of Iowa Migrant Movement for Justice and two individuals here. I have a post in progress at Bleeding Heartland on why the state will struggle to show this law is constitutional;
• One key issue in both lawsuits: Iowa’s law makes no allowance for the reality that the federal government may grant permission for someone to be in this country, even if they were removed or deported in the past;
• Responding to the lawsuit, Governor Kim Reynolds cited her “responsibility to protect the citizens of Iowa. Since President Biden refuses to enforce our nation’s immigrationlaws – threatening the safety of our citizens – Iowa will step in.” Similarly, Attorney General Bird said, “Iowa stands ready to defend our immigration law that keeps Iowa communities safe”;
• I previewed one of the key legal arguments for the state, which Republican legislators put forward during the House and Senate debates. The concept is that the U.S. Constitution allows states to defend themselves against an “invasion,” and GOP politicians claim undocumented immigration amounts to an invasion of this country;
• Contrary to the idea that SF 2340 will keep Iowans safe, Marshalltown Police chief Michael Tupper submitted a declaration for one lawsuit explaining why “it undermines public safety” when the immigrant community believes local police will engage in immigration enforcement;
• Many of the arguments in these cases overlap, and U.S. District Court Judge Stephen Locher has consolidated a hearing on the motions for a preliminary injunction, which is set for June 10;
• Iowa became a plaintiff in yet another lawsuit against the Biden administration last week. This case, involving six GOP-led states that are part of the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals, challenges the U.S. Department of Education’s latest rule related to Title IX protections for LGBTQ students. Republicans dispute that Title IX’s prohibition of sex discrimination should encompass discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity;
• Bird was spotted on Monday morning outside the criminal court where Donald Trump’s trial continues in Manhattan. The Attorney General’s office hasn’t answered any of my questions about the trip, but a spokesperson told the Des Moines Register’s Brianne Pfannenstiel “no taxpayer money had been used to fund her travel.” Bird spoke briefly to reporters outside the courthouse to call the case a “travesty” designed to keep Trump off the campaign trail;
• George wondered if state political leaders traveling across the country was going to be the “new normal.” I won’t be surprised to see Bird appearing with Trump in other venues this year. She’s been the former president’s top Iowa surrogate since Governor Reynolds endorsed and actively campaigned for Florida Governor Ron DeSantis;
• Moving to legislative news, the governor continues to sign more laws the legislature approved last month. Last week, she signed Senate File 2251, one of the bills she proposed, extending postpartum Medicaid coverage for thousands of Iowa women while excluding thousands of women from pregnancy or postpartum coverage;
• I’ve been wanting to talk about House File 626 for a while, but I don’t think Dennis and I ever got to it during the legislative session. Starting next year, this law will prohibit insurance companies from forcing a change to someone’s prescription medications in the middle of a coverage year, if the patient is stable on the drug and a health care provider continues to prescribe it. I enjoy stories like this, which have a major lobbying component. You might think this bill is not controversial, because it passed both chambers nearly unanimously. But advocates had to work for at least seven years to get it to the Iowa Senate floor, due to strong opposition from the insurance lobby;
• Here’s an update on a bill that particularly affects mothers. Natalie Krebs reported for Iowa Public Radio last week on contracts signed with four groups that will provide services under the “More Options for Maternal Support” (MOMS) program, which funnels taxpayer dollars to crisis pregnancy centers. Senate File 2252, which the governor signed in April, allows the Iowa Department of Health and Human Services to administer this program directly;
• Reynolds signed the remaining appropriations bills last week, which set spending levels for the fiscal year beginning on July 1. On this program I wanted to highlight a couple of big picture points: Reynolds did not use her item veto power at all, which illustrates how Republicans closely coordinate budgeting with the governor’s office these days. They don’t put anything important in appropriations bills without her approval;
• Second, the $8.9 billion state budget for fiscal year 2025 will spend only about 80 percent of projected state revenues. By law, legislators are allowed to allocate up to 99 percent of projected revenue, but Republicans are building huge surpluses into the budget in order to cover future tax cuts;
• The June 4 primary fast approaches, and I wanted to flag the early voting deadlines for listeners. You can vote early in person starting May 15, and county auditors will start mailing out absentee ballots on the same day. Whether you vote early or on the primary election day, remember to bring some form of voter ID with you. If you need to change your address or register for the first time, bring proof of address as well as a valid ID;
• Moving back to state government news, Bird held a press conference on Friday to announce she was creating a new task force on antisemitism. Oddly, her office still hasn’t released a full list of task force members. I was able to confirm over the weekend that none of the three current state legislators who are Jewish were invited to participate;
• On the environmental front, there was good news and bad news connected to the heavy rain Iowa has seen in recent weeks. Jared Strong reported for Iowa Capital Dispatch that “For the first time in nearly two years, no part of Iowa has extreme drought”;
• Now for the bad news: the rain has flushed a lot of nitrate off fields and into Iowa waterways. Strong reported on this problem for Iowa Capital Dispatch as well;
• Excessive levels of nitrate in water has been associated with blue baby syndrome and certain cancers; I recently republished some in-depth reporting by Keith Schneider on the possible link between farm chemicals and high cancer rates in Palo Alto County;
• A quick bit of Congressional news: all four Iowans in the U.S. House helped save House Speaker Mike Johnson’s job last week;
• We didn’t have time to dig in to the details, but researchers from Princeton University have demonstrated that Iowa’s “Education Savings Accounts” (school voucher) program led to tuition increases at many private schools. Stay tuned, because I will have more to say about these findings on the May 20 program.

My boyfriend (31m) me (29f)-my boyfriends son is (8m) we’ll call him Jack. I’ve been dating my BF for almost 3 years now. Jack adores me, we have an amazing relationship. My BF and his baby mama have 50/50 custody; anyways need advice on how to deal with her toxicity. My BF deals with her communication wise, they only text. Her and I have no communication. However she hates me & tells my BF she does not want me picking up Jack. We live in a different city so we meet half way. My BF works late so I pick up Jack, we also have one car. She also keeps texting my BF telling him she doesn’t want me involved in any decisions about Jack. Which my BF and I communicate on things like education/discipline etc in our home. I should add Jacks mother has 6 other kids with multiple men, recently just had another baby secretly in her home while the children were there. Children are all under 13; they all share a two bedroom home with the mom & her boyfriend. It’s a terrible living situation, Jack has been held back, could not read or write and he’s 8. Luckily with the joint custody he’s had more time at our house & he’s been getting more education. The custody just got agreed on end of last year. We’re trying to have him in school in the town where we live so he can have a better education but his mom is keeping him from doing so at every turn. Anytime we do anything good for Jack she wants us not to do so & has to be in control. She got mad at my BF for getting Jack glasses, taking him to the dentist for the very first time. Things to better Jack and she fights us at every turn. The custody is being readdressed in a few months so we’re hoping for more custody but in the mean time how to deal with the bio mom? It’s so hard on me, I don’t communicate with her but yet she still doesn’t want me involved when I’m with Jacks dad.

I took the MCAT last year 4/29 and made a 506. The week I took the exam, my mom was hospitalized and my heart wasn’t really in it. I ended up scoring much lower than my average FLs (514-516). I was already planning to take a gap year to work, so I decided to retake this year 5/11. I took most of that time to study. At the end of the exam on 5/11, I felt okay so I decided to have the exam scored. I was much less panicked than my first attempt. However, I’m starting to worry I somehow did worse on this attempt or didn’t improve. I can only remember questions I was unsure of or was pretty sure I got wrong now, and it’s freaking me out. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you calm your nerves while waiting for your score?

My mom found a tiny kitten in her garden. She is now on vacation and I am taking care of him. He did not seem sick, just tiny and abandoned. The vet said he is healthy but was likely the runt. He is FIV/FeLV negative and was treated for worms. He is too young for shots. They estimated that he is about 3 weeks old. I have never cared for such a young animal and am hoping for advice.
He is eating well, playful and has good bladdebowel function. I have kitten milk replacement (powdered goats milk that I mix with water) and he loves that. He won’t take a bottle, but tries to find a nip on my dog and my hands. I have been mashing up moist cat food and mixing it with the milk but he doesn’t really eat the food.
He’s almost 4 weeks now. What should I be doing for feeding? Should I continue with the milk or try to transition him to moist cat food? I would really appreciate any advice. I love this little guy and want to do the best for him.
Thanks!

TL;DR: She had enough of my drinking, but we still live together. What are the odds of us getting back together if I get this problem taken care of?
My girlfriend and I had been happily (or so I thought) living together for six months in an apartment then another 6 in a rented house (with 6 months left and no way to cut the lease). We fought very little in that time, we had chemistry like crazy, and we supported one another in our respective careers. We’d take care of each other when we were sick and do anything for each other. We’d go on trips with respective family and both sides were asking when I’d pop the question. And it was soon, I was starting to look for engagement rings. We would regularly talk about what our wedding will be like, the honeymoon, how we’ll raise kids, etc. The only time we had tension was when I went a little too far on my drinking, we would occasionally get crossways when I went too far. This happened maybe three or four times over the course of the 2 year relationship. Bear in mind I’m 5’ 3” and 140 lbs sopping wet, so alcohol works fast on me, hangovers were a regular occurrence over the weekends. She seemingly put up with it and even when I’d say I need to stop, or actively try to stop, she’d just say “as long as you’re not driving.” She’d drink with me often, but she’d stop much sooner than me. It was steadily getting more frequent, to the point I’d sometimes be too hung over to work in the office and instead work from home (I work in IT).
One weekend we were hosting her best friend and her husband visiting from out of town and her husband and I have become really good friends. Trouble is he’s a big fellow nearly 300lbs who can put a 12 pack away in an hour and I have a habit of trying to keep pace with other drinkers. On the last night they were here, we got some beers and hung out, but me and the husband got way too carried away with our drinking playing music and talking loud, we were up in the early morning being loud enough for my girlfriend to hear everything and she never got sleep that night. We finally wrapped up, I got in bed with her and proceeded to throw up everywhere. She promptly kicked me to the couch (rightfully so). The next day she was furious with me (again rightfully so) and wouldn’t come home until that night, she wouldn’t talk to me. I figured she just needed time to cool off and I needed to take my sobriety seriously this time.
The next day was filled with tension when we got home. After some awkward conversation, I finally asked “Are you still mad?” and she responded, “I’m not mad…I’m just done. We’re done. We’re roommates now. Maybe we’ll get back together by September [the end of our lease], maybe not. You talk about having kids and family, but you act like a teenager! I just can’t do this with you anymore!” She then ran to her room to cry, I was heated and ready to beg but knew better than to do that, so I left and went for a walk around the neighborhood to cool off before I said something stupid and totally ruin my chances. I was totally blindsided, but I was able to step away and think. When I came back she was making dinner, as calmly as I could, taking a more negotiating tone than a begging one, I said “Can you give me one more chance? We’ve built up so much together, I was so excited about our future together, I love you, I love your family and I’m willing to give up my drinking for this. I’m going to stop.” Her response “It’s not like I’m moving out with another guy tomorrow, so what’s the plan, how is this going to be different?” I said “I’m not just stopping for myself now, now I know I have others being affected with my future with you on the line. I’m going to get counseling.” Her: “You’re so good at telling people things they want to hear, you bold faced lied to your parents and your pasture that we weren’t living together [NOTE: I have very conservative parents and church so I lied to them about me living alone rather than with her, that never sat right with her], so you understand how I can’t really believe anything you say right now?” I said I do and that I will get professional help and that the lying will stop, that it’s a cowardly thing to do and that. I moved into the guest bedroom.
The following weekend, I decided to go to my hometown and stay a couple nights with my parents. I told my folks everything, our living situation, the history of our living situation, and my alcohol problems. My parents forgave me and assured me that she’ll likely come back around, just give it time. When I got back home, I told her “I’ve told my folks everything, they know. The lies are coming down. I’m also going to tell my pasture everything, I’m also getting help for my alcoholism. I’m going to get things cleared up and I’d like to pick things up where we left off if you’re willing. And whether we work out ultimately or not, I want to thank you for making me realize how bad a problem I have and I’m sorry I had to hurt you to realize that.” She responded, “I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to where we were, but you had bad labs [CONTEXT: I had a kidney transplant and get frequent labs done to check my health status], you were shaking all day Sunday (the day before we broke up), and you STILL did what you did that night! When you got sick I thought ‘Oh my God, this is how he’s going to die.’” I told her I am doing this for my health, told her about the audiobook I’m listening to about all the health effects alcohol has, and that I hope through this maybe we can reconcile, but I don’t expect an answer anytime soon so no pressure. We then went back to watching TV togethe
Things remained a little cold, but over time we’ve warmed up. My car broke down a few days later and she was very proactive about helping to drive me around and we started laughing together, flirting a bit, restoring the chemistry we had before. Even on my birthday, she bought me a cupcake and took me to my favorite restaurant. At nights when I’m a little quiet or go to bed early, she’ll knock on my bedroom door and ask if I’m ok. I also have been proactive around the house doing little things for her like making coffee for her before she gets up and I have to go to work or working on the garden (something I’d never do during my “buy-beer-watch-TV” cycle). We watch movies together again and get food together and run errands with each other, she’ll even point at places saying “we need to check [that place] out sometime!” It still gets a little tense when we go to bed, as we’re still sleeping in separate beds. She’s also been planning solo trips on weekends, which she didn’t do before. I’ve been ensured by many friends and family (including some on her side) that she’ll come back around. I haven’t drank at all since then (29 days) and I’m about to meet with a one on one therapist while I’ve been attending AA meetings to help myself and to give each of us some space and a little time apart.
We are back to talking like we did before, joking around, watching movies together, etc. but she still wants to do a lot of stuff without me now, but again understandable I suppose. Does this sound like we’ll be “just friends” from now on? Anyone else been in this situation? I’ve already stated to her my intention to change and she’s seeing that I'm taking the first steps in making those changes. I ask because she did seem to keep a window open for us to come back. Again I know this is EXTREMELY early to tell....it just hurts so much with her this close, but so far away at the same time, this is honestly just torture....and it’s all my dumbass fault…