i don’t care if it’s ironic or not, it’s a dumb phrase. it’s especially annoying when you say “don’t call me pookie” and they’re like “okay pookie 😘” because apparently hating being called pookie is just part of the bit. i don’t wanna be a part of this bit. pookie is a dumb word, all it’s variants are dumb, it’s not even a cute nickname. so many people online and in person use it and i think it’s stupid

The Tale of Chihiro and No-Face

"Spirited Away" rewrote Japanese cinematic history, earning a staggering 30.8 billion yen at the box office. Needless to say, this record remains unbroken to this day. (Note: "Demon Slayer the Movie: Mugen Train", released in 2020, surpassed "Spirited Away" to become the highest-grossing film in Japanese box office history).
Mamoru Oshii: What struck me the most while watching the movie was the opening scene. It starts with a reluctant Chihiro in the backseat of a moving car, right? This is almost identical to the opening scene Miyazaki envisioned for "The Story of Yanagawa's Canals." If I remember correctly, it was a boy in that story, but otherwise, almost the same. Miyazaki initially intended to make "The Story of Yanagawa's Canals" into a live-action film. The opening he described during a planning meeting ended up becoming the beginning of "Spirited Away". What I mean to say is that while I might be a man of fixations, Miyazaki is even more so. Coming back to "Spirited Away," it's, as always, a film where scenes he wanted to create are strung together.
I rewatched it, and the story does feel somewhat disjointed. Why was it necessary to turn Chihiro's parents into pigs in the first place? And the way those pigs gorged themselves was so realistically depicted, it was like a horror movie.
Mamoru Oshii: That scene baffled me too. I thought, "Miyazaki loves pigs so much, why aren't the pigs here cute at all?" They were portrayed only in a negative light, a stark contrast from the adorable pigs in his previous works. Even the food in that scene didn't look appetizing.
The specific reason isn't clear, but turning the parents into pigs probably served as a convenient plot device to send Chihiro to work at the bathhouse. The parents barely appear in the middle of the story, right?
There's a part where Chihiro tries to find her pig-ified parents, but at least in the latter half, restoring them to their original forms doesn't seem like her primary goal anymore.
Mamoru Oshii: Miyazaki's primary concern was how to make the city-bred Chihiro engage in manual labor and, through that labor, experience personal growth and become independent. Turning her parents into pigs was an easy way to achieve that, without the need for further exploration. The parents' role was essentially fulfilled at the beginning. You could call it "convenience over coherence."
That's quite a harsh assessment!
Mamoru Oshii: Well, it is a Miyazaki film, so it comes with the territory. The plot threads are unclear, and the protagonist's internal journey is somewhat unconvincing.
I cried when Chihiro ate the rice ball Haku gave her, while crying herself.
Mamoru Oshii: That's just a detail, a single moment within the film. I've said it many times, Miyazaki is incredibly skilled at making details convincing. But judging a film is a different matter. I, for one, wouldn't watch a movie just for the details. While they're important, details alone don't make a film. I have to ask, where should a director's talent be directed? It should be in giving the film a backbone, a core, a structure - these are the director's responsibilities. I see that Miyazaki is also credited with the screenplay, but he probably didn't actually write anything down.
Not writing a script is somewhat reminiscent of Hong Kong films from a certain era. Speaking of which, Hong Kong films back then didn't even have shot lists.
Mamoru Oshii: That approach works for Jackie Chan's action films because the audience is there to see Jackie Chan's death-defying stunts. However, Studio Ghibli's works always present grand themes. Generally, you can't be so haphazard with that. So, it's just a tactic employed by Suzuki Toshio. He promotes these grand themes as a marketing strategy, not because the work inherently possesses them.
This time, the tagline was "On the other side of the tunnel, there is a wondrous town."
Mamoru Oshii: That was just the initial version; it changed later. Toshio must have been working behind the scenes, pushing for a change in the tagline. He shifted the focus to No-Face. Toshio's logic dictates that this is a story about No-Face and Chihiro.
The tagline was changed to "Everyone has a No-Face within them" midway through.
Mamoru Oshii: Exactly. "Spirited Away" is essentially a film about No-Face. Toshio apparently counted the number of shots each character appeared in, and surprisingly, No-Face had the most screen time among the supporting characters. He does frequently appear in the corner of the frame.
I don't think Mr. Miyazaki intended for him to appear so often.
Mamoru Oshii: You could call it the director's unconscious at play. Miyazaki never intended for this to be a film about No-Face. It was Suzuki Toshio who unearthed this crucial character from Miyazaki's subconscious. That's why he's so good at publicity (laughs).
Doesn't No-Face resemble the "monster from the Id" in "Forbidden Planet"?
Mamoru Oshii: No-Face symbolizes the desires of those living in modern society. No matter how much he consumes, how much he acquires, he can never find true fulfillment. He is desire itself, which is why he has no face and is called "No-Face." That's one interpretation. "Spirited Away" is about how Chihiro confronts him. In other words, it's a story about Chihiro, a girl who, after going through hardship, learns to empathize with others, and how she tames No-Face. So, it's accurate to say that this is a story about Chihiro and No-Face. Haku? Who knows where he wandered off to. Where did that pretty boy go?
I was actually thinking about him all this time.
Mamoru Oshii: Come on, Haku is just a flimsy supporting character.
True, that's rather cruel. Initially, his presence was quite significant, but it seems the director got tired of him midway through... They really did him dirty.
Mamoru Oshii: Anyone who watches this movie initially assumes it's a story about Chihiro and Haku. However, as it progresses, the strange, almost monstrous, old man, No-Face, who only appeared occasionally at first, starts to occupy more and more screen time, leaving viewers wondering where the story is headed. That's very much Miya-san's style; he creates films unconsciously. It's not wrong to say that this film embodies the essence of Miya-san more than any other.

Starting with the "Troubled Child" Trope

Rewatching the film, the character of Chihiro intrigued me. Her personality eludes me. It's understandable that she'd be sad about moving from her familiar life in Tokyo to the countryside, but isn't her demeanor a result of the situation, rather than her inherent personality? Why is it portrayed as if it's her usual self?
Mamoru Oshii: Exactly. It shows that Miyazaki wasn't particularly interested in portraying this girl as a fully-fleshed person. He draws a scene, adds a touch of discontent, and considers it done.
However, don't you find it recurring in Ghibli films that urban children with flaws or issues undergo self-improvement and self-discovery in the countryside? "Kiki's Delivery Service" reverses this by moving from the countryside to the city, but "Spirited Away", "My Neighbor Totoro", and "When Marnie Was There" all follow this pattern. Why repeat this formula? I don't see any connection to Miyazaki's essence here. This points to distribution-related reasons, which means Suzuki Toshio created this formula. It has to resonate with the contemporary Japanese audience, has to have a marketable theme. Otherwise, as the producer in charge of publicity, I'd never get my moment in the spotlight – I imagine Toshio thinking something along these lines.
The whole point of publicity is to grab the public's attention. What are the people living in Japan worried about these days? Distill those concerns into a universally understandable form, find the greatest common denominator, and you get the theme of "a troubled child living in the city discovers themselves in the countryside." People readily understand and are drawn to this theme. To put it bluntly, that's what it boils down to. That's precisely why Ghibli films almost always start with a troubled child. The only exception might be "Porco Rosso," though, strictly speaking, even "Castle in the Sky" follows this pattern.
So, even Mr. Miyazaki is being manipulated by Mr. Suzuki?
Mamoru Oshii: During the making of "Kiki's Delivery Service," Toshio insisted on a story about an indecisive young girl, and this somehow became a "fixed pattern" in Ghibli films.
In "Spirited Away," Chihiro is initially hesitant, but she quickly pulls herself together and transforms into a hardworking, well-behaved child, doesn't she? I felt that the transition was too abrupt.
Mamoru Oshii: Like I've said many times, Miyazaki dislikes wishy-washy kids who whine about disliking work, so he completely skips over that process. He instantly transforms Chihiro into a hardworking child who enjoys her work. Since he's the one drawing, he wouldn't want to spend time drawing a character he finds unpleasant.
Is that the only reason? Generally speaking, the process of growth is crucial, isn't it?
Mamoru Oshii: Generally, yes, but this is Miyazaki, so naturally, it's different. This film is constructed according to the "Miyazaki grammar," so to speak. It's a different kind of personal expression compared to "Porco Rosso." You could say it's Miyazaki's masterpiece.
By "masterpiece", do you mean including its box office success? Speaking of which, why did it become such a huge hit? It's true that many charming characters appear in the film. Is that the sole reason for its popularity?
Mamoru Oshii: There's a simple explanation for why a flawed film like this could become a box office smash hit: "Because Ghibli films always succeed commercially." That's just how Japanese people are; they won't criticize something that has achieved significant success. The same goes for Akira Kurosawa.
Shinji(Shinji Higuchi) once said, according to his "chair theory," the answer to the question, "Who can sit on Akira Kurosawa's chair?" is "Hayao Miyazaki." No one can criticize the person sitting on that chair because the occupant is a master. That's predetermined. In Japan, masters are exempt from criticism.
That's certainly an easy explanation to understand.
Mamoru Oshii: Let me share another of Shinji's theories, the "underwear theory": "A director's worth is determined by how they take off their underwear." Surprisingly, this applies to almost every director. According to this theory, Miyazaki is "a genius who pretends to take off his underwear but never actually does." That's precisely why he's such a successful entertainer. As for Anno, he'd probably take his underwear off immediately in most situations. The problem is, "what's underneath is quite strange."
Those are amusing analogies. What about you, Oshii-san?
Mamoru Oshii: Shinji says I'm the type who "acts like I'm taking it off, but underneath, it's all fake."
Well said! What about Higuchi-san himself?
Mamoru Oshii: It's hard to be objective when evaluating oneself. But if I were to use the chair theory we just discussed, the chair that corresponds to me would be "Junya Sato's chair," I suppose. Everyone around Shinji loved Sato's "The Bullet Train," and Shinji himself aspires to occupy the position of "a director who consistently delivers genuine blockbuster films."
But getting back to the topic, the film director everyone in Japan, young and old, knows used to be Akira Kurosawa. Now it's Hayao Miyazaki. From grandparents to kindergarteners, everyone knows him. Once you reach that level, it no longer matters who evaluates you. There's nothing but praise, at least in Japan.

Visual Quality and Maturity

A film that grossed 30 billion yen at the box office is bound to receive high praise. Moreover, it even won an Academy Award! The flooded bathhouse scene was truly beautiful, reminiscent of Kutani ware.
Mamoru Oshii: No, even from a visual quality standpoint, it's not that great. The colors are somewhat muddy, especially in the bathhouse scenes.
Really? The colorful konpeito candy that the soot sprites eat was quite beautiful. It felt like the color contrast was carefully considered.
Mamoru Oshii: That's what I've been saying – it's the power of details. I've said it so many times. When discussing Miyazaki's films, the usual phrases are "that scene was amazing," "that child was so cute," "that character was the best." They only focus on specific moments and rarely offer any evaluation of the work as a whole.
What struck me the most in this film was the layout. The quality of the layouts has clearly declined. The spatial inconsistencies within the boiler room and the bathhouse are a recurring issue, so let's set those aside. Even so, the dynamism in the layouts is gone. They created such a grand, three-dimensional bathhouse, yet there's hardly any verticality in the layouts. The camera moves only horizontally, and vertical movement is achieved through an elevator, believe it or not. I was astounded. The Miyazaki from the past would never have resorted to such shortcuts. He would have created elaborate staircases and expansive settings. The idea of using an elevator is just unbelievable.
Perhaps he started with the intention of creating something truly grand, but his energy waned. This decline was already noticeable during "Princess Mononoke." He gradually started relying on other key animators to share the workload. On an animation production, the visuals are always a hot topic. During the making of "Spirited Away," I often heard comments like, "Even Miyazaki..." It's the reality of aging, I suppose. Animation is largely a hand-crafted art form, so such changes can't be completely concealed.
Rewatching Miyazaki's works with this perspective, I believe that the visual quality peaked with "Kiki's Delivery Service." After that, the peak of his personal work, in terms of maturity, was around the time of "Spirited Away." It's interesting, isn't it? The peak of his work and the peak of his visual quality don't coincide. This phenomenon isn't limited to Miyazaki. It happens to others as well. It's ironic, in a way, that "Kiki's Delivery Service" is probably the film Miyazaki wants to revisit the least.
What about you, Oshii-san?
Mamoru Oshii: My visual peak was "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence", and the peak of my work was "Patlabor 2: The Movie." I'm confident in that assessment. I have a firm grasp of myself, but it's hard to say whether Miyazaki has the same grasp on himself.
On a different note, there's also the "spring roll legend," right? The story goes that Mr. Miyazaki kept having the animators redraw the scene where the parents eat spring rolls because he insisted they weren't eating them correctly. It's become a famous anecdote.
Mamoru Oshii: I think that story originated from an NHK documentary. But to me, it felt like a broken record.
He's been saying things like that ever since I met him, complaining about how "animators these days are becoming increasingly detached from the real world." We've even argued about it.
You argued again? (laughs)
Mamoru Oshii: While I was working on "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence", Miyazaki was working on "Howl's Moving Castle", and I often visited Ghibli. Once, we were having a casual conversation, but Miyazaki's mood gradually soured. He started grumbling about "animators these days..." and "the mentality of artists..." I gradually lost my patience and retorted, "Why are you still harping on about that? Nothing has changed about that for the past 10 or 20 years!" Our voices echoed through the studio as we argued. That was probably the last time I saw Miyazaki. I haven't seen him since.
Wow, you two are close. (laughs)
Mamoru Oshii: What? We're not close at all!
Come on, now. So, what are your thoughts on the "spring roll" issue?
Mamoru Oshii: Actually, Miyazaki isn't entirely wrong. Young animators these days have no real-world experience outside of their desks. They've grown up watching nothing but anime, often just robot anime. Human beings eat, sleep, and use the bathroom. These animators work in a place far removed from the realities of being alive, which is not how it should be. Their job is to depict the real world. So I agree with Miyazaki when he says, "There's no need to strive for perfect accuracy. Recreating the feeling of life, that's the ultimate goal for an animator." He said, "Start by observing things." That's because exceptional animators are all geniuses at observation. And it goes without saying that Miyazaki is a genius in this regard.

The Best Scene in Cinematic History

That's why the eating scenes in Miyazaki's films always look so delicious. It was the first time I saw rice balls that looked so appetizing.
Mamoru Oshii: Mm. The eating scenes are classic. As far as I know, no one can top Miyazaki when it comes to depicting food.
I incorporate eating scenes in my own work because I resonate with Miyazaki's approach. His depiction of food has been outstanding since "Future Boy Conan." I always include eating scenes in my work, both in live-action and animation, but it's no easy feat. The difficulty increases exponentially with animation, often ending in failure. Come to think of it, my friendship with Miyazaki actually blossomed over our shared appreciation for food scenes. For Miyazaki, eating scenes are just as important as running or flying scenes. The scene where Chihiro eats the rice ball while crying is the ultimate expression of savoring delicious food.
That scene moved many people to tears, myself included. I believe there was a limited-edition DVD release that came with a replica of Haku's rice ball. Mr. Suzuki really knows how to capitalize on these things.
Mamoru Oshii: These are the dilemmas that plague Miyazaki. "A rice ball is only a rice ball if it's hand-rolled and warm. Those plastic-wrapped things from convenience stores aren't fit for human consumption!" I'm sure he wants to say things like that. But he has to swallow those words. The more successful he becomes, the more he's exploited by the very world he despises. But that's the reality of working within a commercial system.
I've spoken at length about the contradictions within Miyazaki, and this is perhaps the greatest one: achieving tremendous success and reaping the benefits within a world he loathes. In a way, it's as if he's being pummeled by his idealized self. But he refuses to acknowledge this, which is why he constantly expresses his dissatisfaction.
He even felt uncomfortable about making all that money himself, so he once took me on a scouting trip to Europe. I'm sure there were other "adult world" reasons for that, though. (laughs). I think that was also Miyazaki's way of atoning in his own way.
That's a bit sad.
Mamoru Oshii: But one thing remains unchanged: the sheer power of his scene composition, especially the scene where Chihiro and No-Face ride the train to Zeniba's house. It's clearly a depiction of the Sanzu River, and I'm sure Miyazaki himself was aware of it. The railroad tracks submerged in shallow water, Chihiro and No-Face boarding the train and embarking on their journey together—that Sanzu River imagery is the most remarkable cinematic scene I've ever witnessed.
In Miyazaki's filmography?
Mamoru Oshii: In all of cinema.
Really?
Mamoru Oshii: Seijun Suzuki has directed similar scenes, many directors have attempted it, but Miyazaki's execution is unparalleled.
You consider it superior to the train scene in "Grave of the Fireflies"?
Mamoru Oshii: Of course. That scene is dark and melancholic. But Miyazaki's Sanzu River possesses a remarkable transparency, a certain serenity. The surrounding silence is profound. It's truly exceptional. The passengers are depicted as blurry shadows, which is a difficult technique to pull off effectively. In other words, he poured his heart and soul into crafting that scene.
You could say it's a scene that encapsulates Miyazaki's view on life and death. Compared to Takahata-san's perspective on life and death as depicted in "Grave of the Fireflies," Miyazaki's is demonstrably more profound. Takahata Isao is, at his core, a disagreeable intellectual. That train scene is probably what the Sanzu River looks like in the imagination of an intellectual.
But you've praised that particular scene in "Grave of the Fireflies" before.
Mamoru Oshii: I praised it because that's the only scene from "Grave of the Fireflies" that left a lasting impression. Of course, I had to acknowledge it. There are very few films that achieve that level of emotional resonance. However, compared to Miyazaki's Sanzu River, it pales in comparison. The persuasive power, the understanding of human mortality and the cycle of life and death, the depth of their respective insights—the difference is stark. That's something I want to emphasize. That Sanzu River scene is just brilliant!
The problem arises with the scene after they cross over.
Chihiro has tea at Zeniba's house, right?
Mamoru Oshii: Everything leading up to that point was exceptional. But upon arriving, it leaves you with a sense of "is that all there is?" That's a realm best left unexplored.
Having said that, no director could truly depict what lies beyond. Even if they could depict the journey to the other side, they couldn't portray what awaits there. Attempting to do so would result in something akin to Tetsuro Tanba's "The Great Spirit World"—it would become cartoonish.
Why is it impossible to depict the afterlife? Because none of us have experienced it. To borrow from Miyazaki's logic, "Animators can't draw what they haven't seen."
So why did he draw it?
Mamoru Oshii: He could have ended the scene with Chihiro and No-Face on the train, suddenly opening her eyes as if awakening from a dream. But why didn't he? Perhaps Miyazaki overthought it, feeling that "it wouldn't be right to end it there." But I wanted to tell him, this is a story that defies logic, so why be so fixated on making that particular part coherent?
In the end, Haku comes to get Chihiro. Was that scene necessary to clarify the relationship between Haku and Chihiro?
Mamoru Oshii: Like I said, the relationship between Haku and Chihiro was an afterthought. Miyazaki wasn't particularly invested in it. He kept adding unnecessary elements that only served to expose his true intentions.
Personally, I'm most curious about where Miyazaki drew inspiration for No-Face. Even if you consider him an unconscious genius, don't you find the originality of No-Face quite remarkable? The fact that he can be perceived as originating from the other side, from the afterlife, is why the Sanzu River scene appears. But the origin of his design, that's something I'm still incredibly curious about.
_________
The content is from a Japanese book 誰も語らなかったジブリを語ろう (Let's talk about Ghibli that no one has talked about).
Interviewer: Maki Watanabe
Shinji refers to Shinji Higuchi
Anno refers to Hideaki Anno
The Sanzu River is a river in Japanese mythology that separates the world of the living from the world of the dead. It is said to be a river of blood, pus, and tears, and that the souls of the dead must cross it before they can reach the afterlife. The river is also said to be guarded by a ferryman, who charges a fee for passage.
There are three bridges across the river, each of which corresponds to a different level of virtue in the deceased:
The Bridge of Causality: For those who have lived a virtuous life. The Bridge of Justice: For those who have lived a life of justice. The Bridge of Aspiration: For those who have lived a life of aspiration.
The river and its bridges are often depicted in Japanese art and literature. It is a symbol of the passage from life to death, and the judgment that awaits the soul in the afterlife.

A fanfiction of The Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/u19xpa/the_nature_of_predators/
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Memory Transcription Subject: Hilsfeer, Thafki Immigrant
Date [standardized Earth time]: September 20, 2137
I leave the bathroom and walk down the hallway towards the front door, picking up my pace slightly as I don’t want to leave whoever rung the doorbell waiting too long. As I approach the door, I can hear a voice coming faintly from the other side. Not surprisingly, it sounds Human.
“I do hope they’re actually home at the moment, they might be out exploring the area… Do you think they like mangos? Maybe we should have- oh don’t give me that look! I just want to make a good first impression.”
I reach up and unlock the door. Opening it slightly, I look up to find a pair of Humans standing a couple metres away, both holding large silver trays of some kind, although my shorter stature means that I can’t see what’s on them. One Human is a little on the short side for their species, although still much taller than myself, with fiery red hair that trails almost halfway down her back. The other one is even taller still, probably above the height of most of the Humans we've passed before, although on the thin side, with short black hair and wide glasses. He smiles down at his companion until his eyes turn to me. The taller Human seems shocked for a moment, before giving me a closed mouth smile and nudging the shorter Human on the shoulder. As the shorter Human turns to look at me, her face similarly lights up with shock, but that soon gives way to (what I believe is) excitement.
“Oh, hello! Good morning, I- oh, no wait, aliens use, like, ‘claws’ and stuff, sorry.”
The taller Human balances the tray he’s carrying on one hand, and uses his free hand to make some strange movements, which the shorter Human watches silently for a moment before I can see the beginnings of a reddish flush appear on her face.
“Shit, no, you’re right. That’s just the Venlil. Ah, fuck, I stuffed this up. That’s probably, like, super mega racist or something.”
Despite the strange situation, or perhaps because of it, I find myself giggling as the Human verbally flounders around a little. I open the door a little wider and take a step outside.
“No no, don’t worry about it. Good morning to you too, I’m Hilsfeer.”
The shorter Human’s eyes light up again.
“Oh, my name’s Emma. Sorry, probably should have started with that. This is my fiancé, Rowan.”
The taller Human, Rowan, lifts up his hand again and makes a small waving gesture.
“It’s nice to meet you two, are you our neighbours?”
Emma rapidly bobs her head up and down, a nod.
“On the right, yes. We just wanted to come say hello and introduce ourselves... and uh- we heard rumours that the new neighbours weren’t Humans, so we set up these fruit platters as a housewarming gift.”
Emma lowers the silver tray she’s holding until I can just barely look over the brim, finding an assortment of colourful fruits I’ve never seen before. Earth fruits, obviously.
“Oh, wow! That’s so nice of you, those look delicious.”
I take a step forward and lower my voice, mimicking trying to speak discreetly.
“And between you and me, I think whoever started those rumours you heard were on to something.”
Emma makes and odd snorting sound and her smile grows, and I notice Rowan behind her lifting up a hand to cover his mouth. A weak sound escapes his mouth, barely above a whisper, as if a subdued laugh had to force it’s way up his throat. Before I can dwell on it though, the sound of approaching paws draws my attention back to the doorway, from which Roesh’s head pokes out a moment later.
“Oh uh- hello.”
I sway my tail happily as Roesh fully leaves the doorway and moves to my side.
“Roesh, this is Emma and Rowan. Emma, Rowan, this is my husband, Roesh.”
I lightly nuzzle his cheek, and am delighted to seem a slight flush forming in his ears already. Both Humans’ eyes go wide, and Emma lets out a small, high-pitched whining sound as she stares intently at the two of us. It’s… slightly disconcerting.
^{“So cute…”}
Rowan gives a seemingly annoyed glance at his companion, and lightly taps her on the shoulder. This seems to break her out of whatever trance she was in, and a reddish hue returns to her face.
“Ah shit, sorry. It’s very nice to meet you, Roesh.”
He responds with a friendly tail flick, before half turning back around towards the front door.
“Would you two like to come in? I feel like there's a better place to have a conversation than standing around outside.”
I barely stop myself from whipping around in shock (because that would come off as very rude to our neighbours), but nonetheless my ears stand tall in surprise. He’s… actually inviting them inside? He is inviting Humans inside? Roesh’s eye locks onto mine, and he subtly gives a reassuring sign with his tail. He’d determined.
“Oh! Well, if you’d have us, we’d love to.”
Roesh walks back inside as I follow a step behind him. I wait by the door as the two Humans file in, before closing it behind them and swiftly pursuing the trio into the living room. I can feel my nerves rising just a little bit, not from having Humans in my house, but from worry that Roesh may be moving a little too fast… for his own sake.
He said he’d take it slow…
When I get to the living room, Roesh has already jumped up onto the coach and splayed out onto the large cushion he had been resting on before. As seems to be the norm for Human, our guests’ eyes dart around as their heads turn and tilt, scanning the rather bare room. That doesn’t last for long though, as said eyes quickly lock onto the only actually interesting things in the living room; our photos and the rigis blossom statuette.
“Oh wow! That’s very pretty, what is it?”
Emma and Rowan go to place the silver trays down on the small table in front of the couch, an excitable gleam in the former’s eyes as she inquires about the blossom. I jump up onto the coach beside Roesh and gesture to the Humans to take a seat as well before answering.
“That was a wedding a gift from one of Roesh’s sisters. We knew that if we were going to bring anything from our old home to Earth, it’d be that.”
Emma sits down on a part of the couch that juts out from the rest, which I presume for a Human user, is supposed to be where they stretch out their legs. Rowan, on the other paw, grabs a stool that had been stashed in a corner and moves it so that he can sit right beside his fiancé. With both hands now free, Rowan makes a couple more hand movements, gesturing to the statuette. Emma’s smile widens as her gaze darts between Rowan and the blossom.
“Aww, that’s adorable. Rowan’s asking if it’s made of real rainbow quartz.”
I notice Roesh’s head tilt in confusion as he watches the two Humans, Rowan in particular. I sway my tail happily and imitate a Human nod.
“Why yes, it is! I’m kind of surprised you instantly knew what it was.”
Emma wraps an arm around Rowan’s side and pulls him in to briefly rub their cheeks together. Huh, so Humans also nuzzle their loved ones after all.
“You see, he’s a geologist, an absolute rock nerd. Ever find a weird stone or something, just ask him and he’d be able to tell you anything you’d ever want to know about it, and then some!”
I’ve never seen a Human’s face grow so red before. If Humans had a tail, I’d bet Rowan’s would be wagging like mad at the praise. I know, because that’s exactly how Roesh reacts whenever I compliment him. Speak of the Thafki, Roesh perks up slightly and lightly clears his throat before speaking.
“I-In that case, I’ll make sure to tell Korrass that her present got a genuine geologist’s seal of approval.”
I snicker slightly, knowing full well that his sister would probably lose her mind if she found out that a Human liked her creation. At the mention of Roesh’s family, Emma’s gaze drifts over to the photos standing beside the statuette.
“Oh! Wow… you have uh- quite big families.”
That draws another giggle from me and a humoured ear flick from Roesh. I reach over and pick up the frame that holds the two photos of our families.
“Yes, our species has one of the highest birthrates in the galaxy. I’m the second of six, and Roesh in the fourth of seven. It’s not uncommon to see Thafki families climbing into the double digits. How many did that older couple that lived across from us have again? Fifteen?”
Roesh signs a negative.
“Eighteen. They just had a set of triplets last year, following from three pairs of twins.”
I shudder at the thought, and it seems the Humans share the sentiment. Rowan’s hand moved with a rapidity conveying extreme alarm, almost too fast for me to track it. Unfortunately, Emma simply stares wide-eyed at us, so I don’t get to know what Rowan was saying. Her voice comes out surprisingly high pitched for an adult Human.
“Seriously?! Eighteen kids?!”
Roesh recoils under the Human’s extreme shock, his fur standing on end and webbed paws splaying out. I place my paw over his own to steady him. Seeing this, Rowan pauses, his face falling slightly. He moves to place a hand on his fiancé’s shoulder, although she doesn’t seem to notice.
“God, I couldn’t imagine having that many mouths to feed. Also, did you say triplets and three sets of twins? That’s actually just insane.”
Rowan firmly pats her shoulder, and she finally turns to face him.
“What? Something wrong?”
He answers her with a single movement. His hand over his chest, fingers half bending in as if trying to grab his own heart, moving in and out.
“Scared? What do you mean sca-?”
That’s when she notices Roesh. He has his eyes shut tight, trying to focus on taking deep breaths. When he eventually opens them again, he turns to look at me. I lean in to give him a quick nuzzle, before we both turn back to the Humans. Emma’s face is nigh impossible to read, but Rowan is simply smiling softly at us. He reaches over to pick up one of the trays that they brought, and offers it to Roesh and I.
“Oh uh- thank you.”
“Th-thanks…”
The assortment of colourful fruits is laid out in a pleasing way, organised in rings sorted by colour. Roesh and I both reach for cut strips of an orange fruit near the outside of the rings, which appears extremely juicy. As Rowan places the tray back down on the table, closer to the two of us this time, I take a bite out of the fruit. I don’t really pay attention to the flavour though, only really registering that it was very soft and sweet, for my true focus is on my husband. He hesitantly takes a small nibble of one end of the strip, though soon goes back to take another, slightly larger, bite. His fur falls back to a resting position, and his ears droop from their previously alert stance.
Meanwhile, Emma simply watches us in silence. It seems that a million thoughts are racing through her mind, and she only figures out which one to voice when Roesh reaches for his second strip of the sweet fruit.
“I’m… sorry if I scared you.”
Roesh pauses briefly, but soon shakes his tail in a resolute negative.
“No. Don’t be. I just… it’s my fault.”
Emma seems surprised by his answer, sooning shaking her head side to side.
“It’s not your fault. I’ve heard so many stories about how aliens are scared of Humans, I should have been more careful.”
Roesh’s shoulders tense at that. Despite her trying to reassure him, the guilt that plays out of his face tells me it isn’t working. I shuffle a little closer to him as I speak up.
“Hey, it’s no one’s fault. Emma, thank you for being considerate. Roesh…”
He looks over to me.
“…Roesh is making good process on overcoming his fear. Things like this take time, but he's already come so far. I’m proud of him.”
His face darkens with a faint purple flush.
“Thank you… Hilsfeer.”
He reaches over for another strip of the orange fruit, and clear his throat loudly.
“So, uh- what’s this called? It’s delicious.”
Emma seems caught off guard by the sudden shift in his tone, but soon smiles, welcoming the pivot in the conversation.
“Oh, it’s mango. Very popular in the warmer months, I’m glad you like it. We didn’t know if alien taste buds were different to Human ones or something like that, so were tried going with a wide range of fruits.”
As she says his, Rowan seems to realise something. He taps her on the shoulder to get her attention, and makes a few more movements, including gesturing towards Roesh and I.
“Huh, good point.”
She looks back at us and her smile grows a little awkward, as if she’s embarrassed.
“So, uh… you obviously know that we’re Human, but uh- we don’t actually know what you two are.”
I chuckle, glad that the atmosphere is getting lighter again.
“Yeah, I was expecting that. We haven’t seen any other non-Humans in the area. The closest was the spaceport back in the big city. Would I be wrong in assuming we’re the first ‘aliens’ you two have met?”
Rowan goes ot adjust his glasses, with both Humans avoiding eye contact. Emma’s response comes out a bit on the quieter side.
“You would not… Truth be told, I’ve only seen non-Humans on the TV. Even then, almost all of them were Venlil, Arxur, Yotul or the… um… what were those teddy bears called again? The Zaboobians?”
“…You mean Zurulians?”
“Yes, that.”
I toss Roesh a humoured look, and am met with a happily swaying tail. This time, he is the one to respond.
“Well, Hilsfeer and I are Thafki. You’ve probably never even heard of us, though.”
From the way Rowan’s eyes light up in recognition, it actually seems that Roesh’s assumption was wrong. The Human leans forwards slightly, his eyes soon becoming wide with what I can only assume to be concern before his hands make sharp movements that confirm my suspicion, and alarm Emma.
“Hold on, endangered? What do you mean?”
Roesh sighs. I reach for another mango slice as I let him explain.
“You’ve probably heard about how the Arxur drove several species extinct, right? They almost did the same to us. Our homeworld was glassed, and the majority of the survivors were rounded up and taken as cattle. Before the war ended and the remaining captives were freed, there were only 12 000 free Thafki in the whole galaxy.”
The two Humans don’t respond for a bit. Rowan’s posture sunk in sympathy, Emma’s eyes froze in horror. After swallowing my mango slice, I let out a sigh of my own.
“Yeah, that’s the main reason the birth rate among Thafki has been so high for a long time. We currently don’t have a planet to ourselves, just a couple colonies that, even though they are supposed to be for us, still have Thafki as the minority. Most of the people back where we grew up were Zurulians. Oh sorry, Zaboobians.”
My attempt to lighten the mood didn’t seem to work. Emma stutters a bit as she tries to formulate a response.
“Oh my God, that’s… that’s horrible. Only… only 12 000…”
“Well, it’s much higher now… sort of. Like I said, when the war ended the Arxur were forced to release all the Thafki in the cattle farms. There’s far more than 12 000 of us now, but…”
I try to think of a way to phrase the rest of my explanation, but Roesh beats me to it.
“The glassing happened a long time ago, before our generation. Most, if not all the recently freed Thafki were born and grew up in those farms. It’ll take a long time for them to acclimate to not being cattle anymore… if they ever get used to that at all. Even with everything the Sapient Coalition is doing to try and help them, it may already be too late for many. To the Arxur, we were a rare delicacy… I can’t imagine the horrors our people faced.”
The silence hangs in the air. Dark and suffocating, the four of us let the magnitude of the conversation's topic sit over us. As I go to reach for another piece of fruit from the tray, my gaze instead falls on the statuette, and the heavy load lightens just a little bit.
“Hey, I just realised we never actually explained what this is.”
I carefully, very carefully, pick it up. Both Humans have their eyes locked onto the statuette in my paws as I bring it over to Roesh. As my paws cup its base, his own rest on top.
“This was made in the likeness of a rigis blossom. A very important plant from our homeworld. Before the glassing, it was a symbol of stability. Nowadays, after the tragedy that wiped out almost every single living thing on the planet's surface… it has come to represent perseverance.”
I turn the statuette around slightly, side to side. The rainbow quartz catches the late morning sunlight and reveals its dazzling nature.
“The Thafki are like rigis blossoms, in a way. We have survived tragedy. The future was almost ripped away from us, but we held on for dear life. One day, our population will climb back and reach into the billions, like it did so long ago… and perhaps even exceed that number. Maybe, we’ll even be able to reclaim the world that we lost, and bring it back to its former glory…”
I look at my husband, and find the light reflecting off of his dark eyes. He takes a deep breath, before speaking. His voice comes out soft, yet resolute.
“We are Thafki, and we are proud. We won't give in... not to a simple shift in the tides.”
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I’ve noticed a curious behavior on dating apps like Tinder that always dumbfounds me.
It’s the common habit of women writing something like the following on their dating profiles:
“Not here for hookups!”
“If you’re only interested in sex, swipe left…”
“Don’t bother messaging if you only want something casual…”
Whenever I come across such profiles, I can’t help but ask myself: Does that really work??
Not because I believe that dating sites are only useful to facilitate quick sex and no-strings-attached physical encounters. Quite the opposite: I’ve known plenty of friends who have used sites like Tinder or Bumble and ended up finding dates that eventually turned into relationships and (and in one case even an engagement).
Rather, when a woman says emphatically, “No hookups!”, my thought is always: This is exactly the kind of thing that scares great guys away.
This might seem counter-intuitive, so at the risk of seeming unclear, here are the three major reasons why women should avoid writing this on their profile:
Reason #1 – It doesn’t really help you filter out “players”
When a woman stresses on her profile how much she “DEFINITELY doesn’t want hookups”, she might do so because she believes this makes her appear high value to a man.
However, while I understand the intention, the strategy is entirely wrong.
Sure, there may be a few “player types” who are scared off by such a line, but there are also a fair amount of guys who are just as spurred on by such a challenge (or who at least ignore it entirely).
In other words, just saying, “I hate players!” isn’t some kind of lethal kryptonite that destroys every man who just wants a hookup.
The only REAL effective filter is judging guys based on their actions and looking for little signs in actual conversation.
For example:
Does he want to invest time in seeing you, or does he just always try to get you over to his place?
Does he seem curious about who you are, or does he barely listen to what you say?
Does he push for sex on a first date, or does he take his time?
Does he say he squirm whenever the topic of relationships or marriage comes up? Does he say he is “just having fun” right now, or does he express a desire for something more serious?
I suspect in some ways, just writing “No hookups!” on a profile is an attempt at a shortcut. It’s wanting to screen out the worst guys without doing the actual work of screening them through the methods above.
But there is no 100% foolproof way to do this in dating: There’s certainly no way to do it on a dating app, just as there’s no certain way to know if the cute guy who chats you up in a coffee shop isn’t only asking for your number so that he can sleep with you and then never call again. That’s why you always have to watch both his actions and his words and pace yourself before you jump in too deep with a new guy.
(Note: Of course, you could write on your profile something like, “I’m looking for a great guy who cares about family, closeness, etc.” because at least in this case you’re writing it as a positive rather than the negative “No hookups!” approach…)
Now, we’ve seen how writing “no hookups” on your profile can be ineffective in filtering out players, but there’s also another reason you should avoid such a strategy…
Reason #2 – It scares good men away
Whenever I see the phrase: “Swipe left if you just want a hookup!”, it’s as though the person who writes this believes that a stable, mature, kind, high-achieving man is going to read that and think to himself, “Ah good. A woman who doesn’t want to play games and who is really ready for a relationship. That’s great.”
But what he REALLY thinks is, “Wow, she seems intense.”
Think about it: he may be open to a relationship with the RIGHT woman, but also not be 100% certain what he wants yet.
But now he’s being asked to date a woman with an exact outcome in mind, knowing that if he later decides he doesn’t want to commit to something long-term, he may get a world of grief, be accused of being a player, or get a highly emotional response that makes him sorry he even took the chance in the first place.
Showing how much you are desperate not to meet a player doesn’t make him think you’re serious. It makes him think you’ve been burnt, that you’re jaded, that you’re someone who is suspicious of men and has a negative view of guys in general.
And nothing is more unattractive to a new partner than someone who still lives with previous emotional baggage.
Which bring us to the final reason you should avoid writing this on your profile…
Reason #3 – You start identifying yourself as a “victim”
When you paint yourself as a woman who is always afraid of being burnt by “players” or dishonest guys, you begin to identify yourself with the label of being a victim.
Taking on this role makes it so much harder to appear fun, relaxed, open and willing to embrace that tingle of spontaneity that occurs when you first start dating someone new. It sucks the fun and mystery away and makes a man feel like he is more being sized up for a relationship than just getting to know and connect with you.
Bottom line: We cannot have fun dating if we’re always afraid of being gut-punched by love.
That doesn’t mean you have to be naïve: you can still meet a guy with eyes wide open and without putting your whole heart on the line with a guy you barely know, but if you go in always waiting to be let down, you’ll scare away any guy with honest intentions.
Good guys resent being treated like bad ones. If you don’t know a guy and he peaks your curiosity, give him the benefit of the doubt until he gives you reason not to.
No-one likes being the object of suspicion and doubt. Don’t be the one who makes him feel like he has to justify himself before he even knocks on the door.

Nothing's more important than a good first impression.
It always feels like the love interest in a romantic comedy makes an entrance that elicits swoons and sighs, cool and composed and confident. It always looks like they have it all together: Everything is already figured out with an effortless brand of charm and poise. They might as well be straight out of a catalog for The Gap.
So what happens when a supposed Prince Charming-type doesn't find himself in any kind of position to make the Mister Right-esque first impression one might expect from him? What if our characters' meet-cute comes just as my character is blindsided by an embarrassing moment? And how might that tilt the dynamic of what might be a fairly ordinary love story?
Hello! I want to craft a wonderful, brilliant, eminently entertaining modern-day, slice-of-life rom-com with a few of you folks out there. All I'm looking for is a little inspiration to kick a story off for us! What does that look like, exactly? Well, that's between you and your imagination. But here's what I'm looking for: An embarrassing-moment meet-cute for our characters!
Prompt me with a cutely embarrassing scenario, an outfit (or lack thereof) for one (or both!) of our protagonists, a phrase your character might utter, or something else I can use as inspiration to write the starter of your dreams!
Please also be at least twenty, eager to write either via Reddit messages or Discord, have a couple hundred words in you for responses, and have a penchant for third-person perspective!
The rest, we'll figure out as we go along!

Or perhaps a better way to phrase this: has anyone ever had a mantis that they've seemed to have a much stronger bond with than all their others? One that seemed more like a pet who knew you rather than just a bug you take care of? Maybe you've had multiple, or maybe none. However I'm curious, because I have.
I've kept mantises on and off now for multiple years, and I've probably kept around 50 different species, often having multiple of each and different genders. A few years ago I got a creobroter and called him Mitch. He was the best little pet I could have hoped for, and I felt like I actually had some sort of a connection to this animal, moreso than with my other mantises.
He would always seem to want to come out and sit upon me, and as soon as I got him out of his enclosure, he would stop moving and sit upright on my hand. Sometimes I'd let him sit on my mouse hand while I used my computer for hours on end. I know creos have a tendency to be more terrestrial than other mantises and sit upright, but he always wanted to sit on me!
Another incredible thing that happened, which only ever happened with Mitch, was one time when he took flight from off of my hand, flew around in a few large circles, and landed back on my hand about 10 seconds later as I reached out and put my arm up for him to land.
I like to let my males use their wings and fly around, and I've had many more strong flyers since, but none which have ever returned to me after taking off.
I would also watch insect documentaries with him which seemed to fascinate him which was super cute.
I'd love to hear similar stories of people forming a strong bond with their mantis and wonder if you guys ever had a special one 😊

I feel like I’m biased here, but I’m aware of that so go easy on me.
Throughout my adult life, I’ve known at least three women to infantilize themselves, so to speak. They make constant references to how little they are, how they’re “so tiny,” how they can and/or do wear kids clothes or shoes. I understand mentioning it if it’s relevant, but in these cases they would weave it into conversations in which bringing it up just wouldn’t make sense and I would get second-hand embarrassment.
They also use almost like a baby-talk voice, like they’re trying to sound like a… kid. It’s off-putting. I don’t mind if someone naturally has a voice like this, but for these people it comes and goes and I find it odd. Their phrases also turn into childish things like, “owie! I got hurt,” or doing a whine and pouty face when they don’t get their way.
I’m small myself, and I do attribute some things to my size (always being cold, it being almost impossible to find jeans that fit, etc.) but never feel the urge to mention these things out loud in social contexts. To me, it’s just as weird as drawing attention to any other part of yourself- like your eye color or your mannerisms.
Why do people do this? What does it come from?
When I was a teenager, I was too “innocent” for my age because I was homeschooled, sheltered, never got around other people. Once I got my first job, a guy there loved how “cute” and “innocent” I was. That blossomed into a 3.5 year long sexually abusive relationship where I found out that my abuser was also a pedophile and harming his much younger siblings. (I called CPS, don’t worry).
I did used to dress/act younger than I was, but I had no further knowledge. That’s what he preyed on. I wasn’t doing it to garner attention or be sexy/cute. I was being myself and he exploited my naivety and vulnerability.
Now I see some ladies (we are all in our 20s), harping on all their child-like features and it makes me feel disgusted. They usually emphasize this role around our guy friends or other men and it just makes me wildly uncomfortable. I know it’s human to want attention but this is a weird way to go about it, and some of the guys I’ve asked seem to agree with me that it’s a turn off when people try to act like a baby or child in this sense.
Equally concerning, one of them will take provocative photos at suggestive angles with them in very short cutesy costumes that look like a combo of lingerie and kid’s dress up costumes, with makeup that makes them look much younger. They’ll include suggestive captions and do hashtags for “little space.”
From my understanding, age regression is very real and making it a fetish just weirds me out.
Is there a way I can reframe this to not be so bothered by people who do this? It reminds me of my trauma and if I could go back, I’d never be cute/innocent- even though I wasn’t trying. Watching them strive for it makes me feel 1. Worried for their safety 2. Angry that something that heavily impacted my life is just their casual way of garnering attention and trying to flirt with other people 3. Angry because I feel like this infantilization of one’s self and others is a slap on the face to people who suffered abuse because they were innocent and/or children. I don’t see how it wouldn’t perpetuate the problem or at least add insult to injury

I wanted to do something nice for my daughter's speech path. Today is her last day of speech and now she no longer qualifies. In a year, she went from speaking a couple of words and phrases to speaking full grammatically correct sentences, people understand her and because her speech is better she's made friends on her own, joins in to play in groups and tells me stories... All sorts of stuff.
I made a little thing for her, I'm on a budget so please keep that in mind. I got a $12 basket from Walmart, a couple of plants and ordered a pack of various sized pots.... One I had used to repot the plants. And I got her some treats and a gift card to a Canadian coffee shop.
So that's what I did, the bottom was lined with mini cans of pop, and candies, tissue paper on top (it's a deep basket and I wanted height), two plants and some candy packs around with the card and gift card on top.
I showed it to a few people and they said it was cute and perfectly fine to gift.
I still was unsure so last night I changed it up, I made my homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, took a container (a large one I got from the dollar store) and lined it with a few photos of my daughter and filled it with the packs of candies, put in one flower pot (Gerbera daisies) and filled in the empty spots with the mini cans, the card and gift cards.
Look, I know it's not much. I really wanted to do something for her, she's done so much for my daughter and her confidence that it feels wrong NOT to do a little something.
I sent a photo to my mother and she replied lol who is that for a 12 year old? She said to take out the candies and pop and just get a higher amount on the gift card and a candle and no professional would want this.
Why the fuck is she like this. Even if it it does look stupid I didn't ask her nasty opinion. Who doesn't like consumables and I didn't buy a candle or anything for fear of allergies. The cookies I put the list of ingredients at the bottom or allergy warnings and I'm hoping she's not allergic to Daisy flowers.
Anyways... Just frustrated every single thing I do is stupid, or not good enough. I do what I can with what I have. Does she really think I wouldn't give a better gift if I had the ability to??

I wanted to do something nice for my daughter's speech path. Today is her last day of speech and now she no longer qualifies. In a year, she went from speaking a couple of words and phrases to speaking full grammatically correct sentences, people understand her and because her speech is better she's made friends on her own, joins in to play in groups and tells me stories... All sorts of stuff.
I made a little thing for her, I'm on a budget so please keep that in mind. I got a $12 basket from Walmart, a couple of plants and ordered a pack of various sized pots.... One I had used to repot the plants. And I got her some treats and a gift card to a Canadian coffee shop.
So that's what I did, the bottom was lined with mini cans of pop, and candies, tissue paper on top (it's a deep basket and I wanted height), two plants and some candy packs around with the card and gift card on top.
I showed it to a few people and they said it was cute and perfectly fine to gift.
I still was unsure so last night I changed it up, I made my homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, took a container (a large one I got from the dollar store) and lined it with a few photos of my daughter and filled it with the packs of candies, put in one flower pot (Gerbera daisies) and filled in the empty spots with the mini cans, the card and gift cards.
Look, I know it's not much. I really wanted to do something for her, she's done so much for my daughter and her confidence that it feels wrong NOT to do a little something.
I sent a photo to my mother and she replied lol who is that for a 12 year old? She said to take out the candies and pop and just get a higher amount on the gift card and a candle and no professional would want this.
Why the fuck is she like this. Even if it it does look stupid I didn't ask her nasty opinion. Who doesn't like consumables and I didn't buy a candle or anything for fear of allergies. The cookies I put the list of ingredients at the bottom or allergy warnings and I'm hoping she's not allergic to Daisy flowers.
Anyways... Just frustrated every single thing I do is stupid, or not good enough. I do what I can with what I have. Does she really think I wouldn't give a better gift if I had the ability to??

It's an anime film where this high school student likes drawing comics and he decides to pursue it as a career. This new guy in his class who is like the son of this politician (i think) and after school the new guy asks him to join into their basketball game since they don't have enough people. They become friends and this girl too (fucking hate this bitch). Main characters develops a crush on her and other guy knows this, basically it just goes on and the main guy decorates and draws on the chalkboards to motivate students, and he writes (in english) best of luck or good luck idk exactly, but thats basicaly his catchphrase. His crush later gives him a comic book and in it is written that phrase and he thinks that its really sweet and stuff. He tries to confess by drawing her these pictures and putting them into her mailbox but the rain gets her bag wet and we she takes them out (they are in her bag because she got some comics delivered and didn't want to see but she just grabbed the drawings with the comics although she hadn't read either yet) and then the guy just like grabs it out of her hands and goes oh its probably just trash and throws the drawings out. Other stuff happens its just their school life, then when they are graduating or something the main guy decides to move and he gets on a train and the girl says bye and stuff and then the train goes by and when it passes the other platform HE SEES THE OTHER GUY AND ITS SO CUTE AND ALSO HE FINDS OUT THAT THE GUY WROTE THAT IN THE BOOK AND TOLD THE GIRL TO GIVE IT TO THE MAIN GUY AWWWW. Btw theres this other friend (i forgot about him :// ) his name is nut or well i watched it in russian and his name was nut if that helps. Another detail the other guy didn't care about school only basketball and he wore stripped shirts some times. I think its old because lowkey (not lowkey at all bro) the main guy and the other guy are so gay but i think its more or less old so they arent canon. At the end of the film theres like a time skip and the main guy is calling nut (his friend) i think his friend is talking about his wife or gf? I cant remember if any of the details i listed were right but PLEASE HELP ME FIND THIS ANIME PLEASE ITS A FILM NOT A SERIES IT CHANGED MY LIFE AND I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN PLEASEE.

The following will be a general write up about the voting rights for Puerto Ricans living in Puerto Rico and US citizens moving to terrtories. To keep things from being repetitive you may notice that I will seemly use Puerto Rico and US territories interchangeablely. This is because 95% of the things in this post(Excluding American Samoa and bits of the Northern Mariana Islands.) applies to ALL territories.(I will not be addressing The District of Columbia in this post.)
To conserve literary real estate I will be abbreviating Puerto Rico as PR and US territories as UST. Final note, when you see the " G" symbol, know that the statement before it applies to ALL territories.
The information in this post has been gathered from index searches, asking Deputy City Clerks, City Clerks, and County Clerks but the greatest source of this post is from the US Commission on Civil Rights and I'll putting direct quotes from their website. The reason I'll be adding direct quotes is that the wording for voting rights for territories is very precise and the issue I've had with shows, articles, and discussions is that individuals will just throw out mindless phrases; for example, "X people can't vote in elections".(Certain individuals will NOT go to say WHICH exact elections X people can not participate in.
This will be a TL;DR summary of the bars I'm about to spit.
Do people living in UST 🇵🇷 face disenfranchisement in terms of voting rights and opportunities? YES! IRREFUTABLY YES!
Is this a stain 💩🇺🇲 on our Country's ideals? YES! IRREFUTABLY YES!
Should all US citizens 🇺🇲🇺🇲 born in UST G be allowed to vote in elections? Maybe.
Is there a shadow group of Washington politicians 👹👹👹 in some dark room somewhere scheming to keep people in UST G from voting? No, I truly don't believe so.
Hopefully, by the end of this write up you'll see things in a similar compacity as I do. the issue of voting disenfranchisement for UST is a product of past racism but is currently reinforced by morden bureaucracy and pure ignorance rather than malicious intent.
I started off the adventure by driving around my state and asking my city Clerks the following:
1: "As a US citizen born in Denver, I have the right to vote in a General and Primary election. I could even move to a foreign country like France(Exp) and STILL get a ballot sent to me so I can participate in the general or primary election. Puerto Ricans are US citizens. Puerto Ricans living in Puerto Rico can vote in a Primary election but not a General.....unless they move to one of the 50 states and then suddenly they can. What change happens that allows Puerto Ricans to do such a thing?"
2: "Can I, as a US citizen born in Denver, lose my right to a mail in ballot should I move to a UST G?"
Those are the exact phrases I used when addressing the Clerks. The answer to some of you might be obvious but I still found the reaction to the question by the Clerks to be intriguing.
Let's go over how the 5 Deputy City Clerks responded. 3 misunderstood my question and didn't seem to know Puerto Rico was a UST to begin with.(It's admittedly 50% my fault since my wording starting out was ATROCIOUS.) 4 of the 5 weren't aware Puerto Ricans couldn't vote in general elections. All 5 couldn't give me an answer,(And added they've never gotten such a question before.) 2 of that 5 deferred me to their City Clerk and those conversations were a bit more enlightening.
After spending some time with City Clerk X she informed me that I was more knowledgeable on the subject than she was and I was teaching HER something.(She was made some surprisingly subjectively statements calling the restrictions, "Stupid" and "Bullshit." She then recommended that I contact the County Clerk or Deputy County Clerk since they're the Roosters of the pin.( City Clerk X also kind of touched my butt, is that relevant? No. Did it remind me how fine I looked? Yes.)
City Clerk Z along with the Deputy County Clerk were the most knowledgeable and basically echoed the same words.
1: It is entirely residency based and should a Puerto Rican or anyone from a UST(Excluding American Samoa.) want to move to a US state to participate in general elections they would just have to abide by whatever that state's guidelines is for voting in local elections. From my understanding, seemly no different from me leaving Colorado for Nebraska and just abiding by whatever election guidelines they have for their local kerfuffles. IE, the treatment is the same. Puerto Ricans leaving Puerto Rico for the mainland are seemly treated no different from any other US citizen just moving into a different state from another state.
This part was the most fascinating to me.
2: The US government goes out of it's way to provide those overseas, military or civilian with the ability to vote in elctions. Very much comparable to that black cop from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs with how courageously litigious the government tries to be about voting opportunities for Americans overseas. Even to the point where you could've been born in a hospital in Texas, have your Mother and Father punt you over to Britian when you're a day old, spend 30 years in Ireland and guess what, you can still apply for an absentee ballot using that hospital as your last place of residency! I'm highlighting this all because I don't subscribe to this belief that the US is making a continuous and malicious effort of keeping people in UST G from voting. If US wanted to do so, it wouldn't allow 5 Million Puerto Ricans (That's more than the 3 million that live on the island.) to so easily travel and vote in US states. I believe this is a remnant of a bygone racist age where the only support pillars it has currently are outdated lybrith bureaucratic red tape. I believe the following I learned adds credence to this notion.
I, A US CITIZEN BORN IN DENVER, CAN LOSE MY ABILITY TO RECEIVE A MAIL IN BALLOT DEPENDING ON WHICH TERRITORY I MOVE TO WETHER MY STATE ARBITRARY DECIDES IT'S WORTHY.
I'm going to post a bar for bar excerpt from the U.S.C.C.R. that will further elaborate on that above statement and will be providing a downloadable PDF of the full Advisory Memorandum I got from City Clerk Z. I will preference that the excerpt might appear to contradict my earlier statements but do note that while I praise the U.S.C.C.R. on their factual correctness there are certain points where it devleves into subjectiveness which is where raise a hand in disagreement.(When American Samoa is mentioned for example.)
Connecticut Background Although federal law requires states to extend absentee voting rights to former residents either in foreign countries or the Northern Mariana Islands, extending voting rights to the rest of their former residents in other American territories, including Puerto Rico, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and American Samoa is discretionary.8 Despite having this authority, most states— including Connecticut—have failed to afford most of these citizens the right to vote.9 4Neil Weare Testimony, Briefing Before the Connecticut State Advisory Committee to U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, Hartford, CT, Jul. 7, 2021. 5Ibid. 6Uniformed and Overseas Citizens Absentee Voting Act (UOCAVA), 52 U.S.C. §§ 20301—20311 (2018). 7Id. 8Id. 9See e.g., https://www.courthousenews.com/seventh-circuit-rejects-bid-to-extend-voting-rights-to-territories/).
Connecticut General Statutes Chapter 145 § 9-158b grants eligibility to overseas voters no longer residing in the U.S. who, prior to leaving the U.S., were residents of Connecticut.10 Specifically, §9-158b states that: Each citizen of the United States who is at least eighteen years of age, is a former resident and who has not forfeited such citizen's electoral privileges because of a disfranchising crime, may vote for presidential and vice-presidential electors, but for no other offices, in the town in this state in which such citizen formerly resided… Each citizen of the United States who is at least eighteen years of age; who resides outside the United States and who, immediately prior to moving outside the United States, was a bona fide resident of a town in this state; who is not registered to vote and is not voting in any other state or election district of a state or territory or in any territory or possession of the United States, who has a valid passport or card of identity and registration issued under the authority of the Secretary of State of the United States or alternative form of identification and who has not forfeited his electoral privileges because of a disfranchising crime, may vote in federal elections in the town in this state in which he formerly resided immediately prior to his departure from the United States in the manner provided in sections 9-158c to 9-158m, inclusive.11 Section 9-158b further permits those born outside of the U.S. who are at least eighteen years of age to vote if they are not registered in any other state or territory of the U.S. and their parent or guardian was a bona fide resident of Connecticut immediately prior to moving out of the U.S.12 Connecticut law requires that, to be eligible to vote under this statute, a person must live outside the “United States” and not be registered to vote in any other state. For the purposes of determining whether an individual is eligible to vote under §9-158b, the statute defines the term “state” as “any of the several states, the District of Columbia, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, Guam, and the Virgin Islands.”13 Further, it defines “United States” as “the several states, the District of Columbia, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, Guam and the Virgin Islands.”14 Notably, both definitions exclude American Samoa and the Northern Mariana Islands. Thus, under Connecticut state law, former Connecticut residents may maintain their absentee voting rights if they move to a foreign country or these two U.S. territories, but not if they move to Puerto Rico, Guam, or the U.S. Virgin Islands. This is only slightly more expansive than UOCAVA, which does not require absentee voting for former state residents who move to American Samoa.15 This differential treatment means that Connecticut discriminates against similarly situated former state residents depending not just on whether they move to a foreign country or a U.S. territory, but also which U.S. territory they move to. As a result, a resident of Connecticut who moves to American Samoa or France to take care of an elderly parent would retain the right to vote in Presidential and Congressional elections in Connecticut by absentee ballot, but the same resident would completely lose the right to vote for President and voting representation in Congress if he or she moved to Puerto Rico for the same reason. This kind of differential treatment presents a possible violation of the equal protection guarantees found in the United States and Connecticut Constitutions.16 Former state residents living in Puerto Rico, Guam, and the U.S. Virgin Islands have filed equal protection challenges to this discriminatory statutory regime, with a District Court in Hawaii recently denying motions to dismiss by federal and Hawaiian defendants. https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:VA6C2:f841fa29-335c-4bac-97f3-1fafd0c52150
So in conclusion:

 I believe this is an issue not fueled by racism or maliciousness but by a massive stick of bureaucracy that is just in need of picking up. 

I read the Aria of Steel trilogy by Steven Raaymakers and here are my thoughts.
The trilogy revolves around Raziel, the son of a leatherworking family in a little town with nothing going for it. Naturally this kid is an orphan when the story opens, but note that this is done purposefully.
This book series is all about setting up rather cliché tropes and then either manipulating them or knocking them down. So bear this in mind.
Anyway, Raziel's parents are killed by the big evil empire (remember the trope warning above), and he finds a sentient sword which grants him the ability to wreak some vengeance.
The sword is evil asf and while it trains him to fight, it also fucks with him. A lot. This sword is a right piece of shit and preys on an already traumatised boy. His mental health is absolutely decimated by this thing.
Raziel fucks up bad and meets a 'warchild' named Alicia. Warchildren can hear and use emotions, switching them between people, throwing their own fears or anger into enemies and allies, that kinda thing. Super powerful, and it ties into both her and Raziel's character arcs.
Alicia uses her powers to enslave Raziel, because of his fuck up. This leads to a very toxic relationship between them for obvious reasons.
The rest of the story is very heavy with twists and spoilers, so I will leave that up to you readers to discover on your own. It is good, particularly book two.
My favorite parts of this trilogy were:

• Pacing. These books are very short, very fast, and packes to the brim. You will not be bogged down in exposition or drama. Shit happens, then more shit happens, and then even more shit happens. Constant escalation in a very short timeframe. Dayumn.
  
• Magic. My brief description of the magic above doesn't really do it justice. This magic fucks. It makes every bit of drama and combat very different from the usual. A simple disagreement can be open to manipulation. A sword fight will also have a mental battle of feelings, simulatneously. Making emotions have musical components was genius, and it leads to some very cleverly written pieces. I loved it.
  
• Characters. Raziel made me cry. Velran felt noble. Alicia kicks ass and is a very well-written woman. Khall and Malah were so cute together (also badass).
  
• Writing. The prose was a little rough but goddamn can the writer turn a phrase now and then, and there was an absolute fuckton of emotion in this book.
  

A few issues I had with the books:

• Head-hopping POVs. This was primarily an issue with book 1. I think we had 5 POVs in a 300-page book, which is just too many. Thankfully this issue disappeared in book 2 and was handled much better in book 3.
  
• Violence. The paperback/kindle covers do not show how violent and dark this book gets. There wasn't anything too gory, but lots of blood and wounds. Some historical SA mentioned, but nothing shown at all.
  

Overall 9/10, absolutely loved these books and can't wait to see what else the author does.
Goodreads link: https://www.goodreads.com/series/331539-aria-of-steel

I got all dramatic and titled this the "finale." It's really not. It's more of a wrap-up. Finale implies grandiosity and thoughtful reflection. I tried to reflect, but I think some past mistakes will forever remain impossible to explain. I'll try to laugh at myself as much as possible. I'll slip in a few previously untold Funky horrors. I'll reveal some more crazy crap that Mary pulled. And I'll tell you where certain folks are now! But this is gonna be a little "all over the place" and I'm gonna constantly break the fourth wall. I really need to work on my endings. My penultimate chapters are usually funny, though!
For those blissfully uninitiated, this is the final installment of Married Mary and the lead-in to Funky P. Beard. I had originally intended to give a painfully detailed account of how Whiskers, the eccentric do-gooder who occasionally drank too much and displayed pitiably awkward insecurities... gradually transformed into Funky P., the unremittingly enraged alcoholic psycho with a penchant for snacking on stinky snatch and making very little effort to hide it.
But something kept telling me that the vignettes chronicling the goblinization just didn't belong on the internet. Funky's only funny when he's acting like a psycho in front of a group of people who will either openly mock him, call him out, beat his ass, or unapologetically steal his girlfriend. That isn't to say that I never called him on his crap or mocked him for a litany of absurd breaches of the social contract. I did that quite a bit. It did no good. But ultimately, I decided that when the entire story is nothing but this super uncomfortable brand of claustrophobic cringe, it ceases to be enjoyable on any level at all.
And let me briefly remind the readers of the state I was in when I initially began to consider dating Whisky, the secret beardo. I wasn't actively pining over Dennis at that point, but a fake version of him was still living rent-free in my nucleus accumbens. Once those catecholamines start dancing up and down the mesolimbic pathway, a cute little crush becomes a blight in your brain that's impossible to evict.
I thought maybe I could evict the blight by dating someone new. Someone kind and consistent. Someone tall and ugly as opposed to short and dreamy. Someone who could be more chill. But there were a million other things I could have done. I could have just toughed it out, felt the uncomfortable feelings, and waited for them to pass. I could have casually dated a variety of guys. Hell, I could have branched out and dated a nice variety of people. I could have taken solace in my cringey diary and in writing funny love songs. Whether my songs are super cringe or remarkably relatable depends on the listener. But even if my songs are absolute garbage, they were better coping mechanisms than dating a weird dude and waiting around for the attraction to magically manifest as though I were in some kind of arranged marriage.
Surprisingly, a certain affection towards (pre-Funky) Whisky did manifest. It wasn't physical attraction per se. But it felt more mature than physical attraction somehow. When he was wearing his mask, he was attentive, protective, validating, considerate, and affectionate. Everything I wanted (on paper). Did I see the warning signs and make a conscious choice to ignore them? No. I. HAD. NEVER. DATED. A. NECKBEARD. BEFORE. Why is that impossible for some people to understand???
Hmmmm. I'm getting salty because I think some of you guys lack empathy. So I'm gonna flip it around and try to be empathic towards the people who've made me bristle a bit. You guys are probably beard scientists. You've probably been reading neckbeard/nice guy/incel Reddit posts since before I knew what Reddit was. You might be a little beardy yourself and are hyper-aware of the warning signs because you've personally had to rein them in. So it probably seems unfathomably stupid to you when I say that I didn't know the signs at the time (2011). A few of you have been kind enough to say, "OP's not stupid, so she was obviously willfully blind to the signs." I mean... it's entirely possible to be intelligent in certain senses, but naive in other senses. My life experiences have probably been drastically different from yours. That doesn't mean that my experiences are invalid.
Okay, I'm done being salty for now. Gotta leave some salt in the communal OP shaker so The Hot Dog Man can season his next post!
And to lighten the mood, I'd love to share this one little tidbit from the original version of The Goblinization because ReddX referred to it in one of the installments of the Shadowrun saga. And I laughed until I cried! The very first extreme fight I ever had with Funky was over... Jackass. I had just watched “The Fart Helmet” stunt, when Funky arrived at my place. When I explained why I was in stiches, he read me the riot act for laughing at “dumb shit” and not living up to his expectations of me as a serious, well-mannered girlfriend. I mean, you have to understand. He was an intellectual. Am I allowed to beg Elijah to play the Jackass clip again?
But before the mask slipped, he was often a delightful companion. He took me to carnivals and was a good sport about riding the rides (at least the ones he wasn’t too tall for). He smooshed cotton candy into his bushy beard and didn’t get mad when I laughed hysterically and took pictures. He took me to the puppy petting zoo when I was feeling stressed at school. He would curl up on the couch with me and play with my hair while we watched movies. And he introduced me to my new favorite boba place. There were good times.
And not just in the beginning. Between bouts of rage, Funky would simmer down and sporadically behave this way throughout the relationship. None of this makes the untreated alcoholism or the mind games or the irrational outbursts okay. I just wanted to include a blurb about the not-so-bad stuff. To double down on clarity here (because it feels important), being nice from time to time does NOT let you off the hook for being an irascible tyrant and treating another human being like garbage.
TLDR for the whole Goblinization saga: Funky acts normal. Then he acts like an apoplectic wisenheimer. Then he grovels at my feet (often literally) and cries like a little bitch. Then he wallows in debilitating depression (which might not be an act, in fairness to Funky). Then he goes nuclear and hurls disgusting threats at me, my academic endeavors, my side jobs, my friends, my family, and my property. And then he acts like a normal human being for a while and the cycle begins anew. At long last, my Pollyanna outlook begins to crack and I see him for the irrational rage beast that he is.
I wish I could tell you that one specific outlandish display of beardery shattered the Pollyanna outlook that had, believe it or not, served me fairly well until I got tangled up with Funky. But the Pollyanna outlook shattered gradually alongside the gradual realization that this was my freakin’ LIFE. And I was sharing it with an angry ogre. I lost friends because Funky scared them away. I lost interest in activities that I’d once enjoyed because Funky was always around to make those activities miserable. It’s all a blur of bitterness and boredom. Until the crazy Shadowrun weekend happened! That was when I remembered how much I enjoyed the world beyond the Funky bubble. I saw an opportunity, and I popped the Funky bubble with a shard of my shattered Pollyanna outlook. And I have never regretted running away. Not for a millisecond. I only regret not doing it sooner. Although I still smile when I think back on how things shook out in the end!
How Funky Got His Freak On
I’ll address a completely fair question that I came across on a rare occasion when I dared to peruse the comments on an earlier video. “How the hell did a freak like Funky have so many randos???” Well, I trust that most of you are familiar with the term “lot lizards?” On the dodgy end of Wellsprings, there was an encampment under a bridge. We called it the “Dodge Street Encampment.” And there were plenty of dodgy doxies that drummed up business there. Funky was a regular. He also had decent success at Beer Goggles, picking up undiscerning drunk girls.
He was even able to score with a few highfalutin hippy housewives who frequented the vegan gastropub where he worked. Since he had to wear the mask on the job, it wasn’t too difficult to keep it on for a quick, lucrative tumble in the storage room (they tipped him generously in exchange for the discretion he falsely promised). But he preferred the drunks and the pros since he felt no pressure with them.
Yet again, I feel the need to remind the readers and listeners that Funky wasn’t an unsightly fat slob, he didn’t stink until *after* the hanky-panky (and even then, it depended on the hygiene of his partner), and he was scary good and reigning in the crazy when he wanted something. Why didn’t this bother me more? The short answer is because there were far worse things to worry about. The longer answer involves a boring discussion of being kind of asexual and typically not giving a flip about physical intimacy...
Especially when I valued the "girlfriend" label more than I valued the piss-awful relationship itself. In my mind (at the time), the label served as armor against accusations of self-loathing. "Ohhhh! You have a boyfriend! You must be happy! Ohhhh! He's ugly? Well, he MUST be nice!!! You must have a ton of self-respect." That was a voice in my head. But she sounded a lot like Pick-Me. And now, I find that recounting tales of this piss-awful relationship often leads to accusations of... self-loathing. It's so frustrating! Gah!!!!
I mean, sure. Some days I feel better about myself than others, but (in my opinion), having a strong, steady sense of self-awareness is far more important than getting overly concerned with loving yourself all the damn time. That's exhausting. Having a bad day and feeling self-critical from time to time is not a mental disorder. In fact, if you learn to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and look at yourself objectively (something that is far easier to do when you're feeling not-so-hot), you might accidentally experience some personal growth. I'm so freakin' sick of these TikTok self-love cults that basically just encourage people to not lift a finger towards any semblance of betterment and to become self-obsessed snobs. Did I just sound old? I don't care. Wait... What was I talking about?
Right. My icky love life in the 20-tweens. The truth was that Funky and I were totally using each other. He needed a grad student girlfriend to make him look smarter. I needed a boyfriend, ANY boyfriend, to prove to my imaginary critics that I was capable of liking a guy who would like me back and stick around. Funky stuck around alright. Just like an angry dingleberry. But was there ever any semblance of love between us? Yeah. At first. I think... But does it count if he was wearing a mask and I was forcing my feelings? If his attentive gentleman act hadn't been bullshit, would I have grown to genuinely love him? I mean... I guess it would have depended on...
Scratch that. NO. I would have crossed paths with Axton eventually and then I would have rightfully been the villain in Funky's story. I would have ditched the bearded buffoon even if he'd been genuinely nice because the chemistry with Axton just came more naturally, our personalities meshed more comfortably, and we never tried to customize each other. But if it hadn't been Axton, would it have been someone else? I mean... I don't think it would have clicked as effortlessly, but yeah. I was desperate to jump ship. Basically, I just wasn't that into Funky. And I think he could sense that, which must have sucked. Again, he should have dumped me. I wasn't a good girlfriend to him. He should have been relieved when I wanted to break up. I wouldn't have even cared if he'd called me names and stormed out.... if only he'd gone away for good. But I'd never been with a guy who fought so angrily and irrationally for a relationship that neither one of us really cared about.
See? It makes no sense. Maybe if we'd even once had a rational conversation, I'd have a better understanding of what went wrong with the relationship in general. But all I remember is a brief time period where things seemed romantically promising and then... Resentment stacked on resentment stacked on resentment, stacked on bullshit, stacked on more resentment. And it wasn't just him. I contributed to the shitty resentment tower, too. He resented me for not snail-trailing over him. I resented him for resenting me. He resented me for resenting him AND for not snail-trailing. I resented him for trying to dictate how my body reacted to intimate situations AND for resenting me. And it just snowballed from there.
I'm trying to put myself back in the mindset I had at the time, and it's eluding me. It was easy to remember how things felt during the Dennis Debacle. Then again, Dennis simply hurt my feelings. He never traumatized me. I think my brain might be hiding elements of the Funky Farce in an effort to protect me. It's cool, Brain. I'm trying to explain one of the dumbest things I've ever done. Explain it to whom? A bunch of random strangers on the internet. Oh. That's a bad idea, you say? You're locking things up even more tightly to keep me from publicly making an ass out of myself? Ummm... Thanks? But I've already shown my whole ass and the reactions have been a mixed bag. The rude reactions annoy me (because most of them come from atop Mount Stupid), but the supportive reactions more than make up for a moment of minor annoyance. And a number of critical (but fair) comments have actually helped me grow as a writer. I'm doing okay, Brain!
The Overly Tolerant "Rich Bitch"
But why didn’t I JUST leave? Well, first of all... "Just" is one of the most insensitive and ignorant-ass words in the English language. If it were JUST that easy, people would JUST do the difficult or impossible things that may SEEM easy to you because you've had different experiences. Secondly, I did JUST leave. Many times. And then Funky would weep pitifully, apologize, blame his depression and/or anxiety... This excuse worked embarrassingly well on a psych grad student who attended required weekly seminars on empathy and emotional validation.
We also learned that we should try to avoid committing the Fundamental Attribution Error (the tendency to blame the situation for our own fuck-ups, while blaming the stupidity or terrible disposition of others for their fuck-ups). Overall, that's a good thing. But the profs should have added the caveat that sometimes people really are just batshit crazy dickheads. But I hadn't endured over a year of watching Funky's temper tantrums yet, so I keep trying to figure out which situation was making him so volatile. Furthermore, studying to be a therapist doesn't turn you into a human lie detector, a psychic, or a caller-outter on all manner of bullshit. In the early stages (remember that I was a FIRST YEAR at the time of these events), there's a lot of "trying on" of different styles of therapy... Commence the Therapy Training Montage!!!
This week, it's all CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy, not the other CBT... or maybe it is that for sex therapists who specialize in BDSM? I don't know. I mostly ended up teaching teenagers why rubbers are important and why a V-card is nothing to be ashamed of). Oh, now it's Solution-Focused Therapy. Structural Family Therapy? Nah, screw that!!! I'm a Rogerian. But I'm also super into Narrative Therapy. Throw in some Existentialism. No Psychodynamic bullshit. EVER. Wait... Jung had some good points... Humanistic approach, a little Narrative Therapy where we weave archetypes into the picture, and then we have an exestential discussion!!! No? That's a messy mash-up? Okay, then. I'm just a Humanist. It's like a second freakin' adolescenc!.
Many of us became quick to forgive and/or validate even the most egregious behaviors because clients (as in actual CLIENTS who are genuinely seeking help and willing to participate in their own recovery) tend to open up more easily when they feel like the therapist can understand their point of view. And, no. The first years didn't see real clients. We were just doing a lot of classroom role-plays. I had one mentor who encouraged a soft, squishy, validating approach. Why did I suddenly get a mental image of stepping in poop??? I had another mentor who was all about tough love and accountability. So it took a few more years of trial and error to strike a balance between validation and holding someone accountable in a non-combative way. It probably comes as a shock to exactly no one that I ended up leaning more towards a warm, validating, humanistic approach. “In my early professional years, I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?” ~ Carl Rogers
I let Funky get away with some seriously whack-a-doodle shit because I thought he would simmer down and open up about his feelings if I sat patiently and showed him kindness and acceptance. And to be fair, that approach works quite well with a good deal of people. But not with Funky. I soon began to realize that Funky didn't have access to any emotion but anger. And he was entirely incapable of articulating the roots of his rage or brainstorming ways to avoid angering situations. He worked himself into fits of fury because he just loved being mad.
And then he would whimper about his mental health since that had gotten him off the hook in the past. When his wounded puppy act began to consistently fail, he resorted to threatening antics. He called in a bomb threat to the coffee shop where I was working for a brief spell, and I wound up losing that job because an employee with an unhinged significant other was considered a “liability.” He sent a letter to the psych department at my university, telling them I was an “emotionally unstable sex addict.” And the real kicker is that he implied that I had a drinking problem.
I didn’t get in trouble for this, but they called me to the office and asked if I was in a dangerous relationship. I admitted that I might have been, and they placed a call to social services. Nothing came of that. One of my professors followed up and checked on me during an uncharacteristically chill period in my relationship with Funky. So I told her that it was all fine and that the letter had been an immature prank. In truth, I wanted to work with her on research projects, so I didn't want to come off as weak and pathetic. Yes, I now realize that it's neither weak nor pathetic to ask for help. Even so, a butt-load of people will call you "weak and pathetic... and STOOPID" for getting into a bad relationship. I know you guys think that's helpful "tough love," but it's just rude. And it's sometimes detrimental to the person's emotional recovery.
Anyway. I soon noticed some Jersey Shore looking guys loitering in the parking lot of my apartment complex. They would call out to me, saying things along the lines of, “Heya, Pixie! We’re here on behalf of The Funk to keep you safe, Little Lady.” I'm guessing Funky probably made up some malarkey about his wicked girlfriend and begged Mori to pay some dudes to wear tacky gold chains and stand around in a parking lot. They were probably just actors desperate for a gig. They never threatened me, but they creeped me the hell out.
Funky fortunately never attacked me physically, although he loved to destroy my property. He peed on my Social Cognition textbook because he thought I was screwing the professor (I wasn't). He smashed a glitter globe that I bought in Vegas when I was there for a friend’s wedding because he’d gotten it in his head that I’d hooked up with one of the groomsmen (it was just a kiss on the dance floor and it happened years before I even met Funky, but whatever). And he singed my Merida costume when I booked a birthday party where they wanted a “Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons” theme. Funky was jealous because George Gay was going as Hiccup and fans of this mash-up “shipped” our characters. I made it work, though. I said Toothless had burped fire on me, and the kids thought it was funny.
My parents lived about 2 hours away, so running to the safety of my childhood home wasn’t exactly convenient. Funky was too insecure to ever meet my family, so I was able to successfully hide from him at my parents’ house on a few occasions. But academic and professional obligations invariably forced me to go back home, where the beard himself or his Situation goons waited for me. My eldest brother lived in England, and my middle brother lived in the Bay Area. So even though they would have gladly beaten Funky to a bloody pulp, it’s not like they were in a position to swoop in whenever he went nuclear.
And Funky was furious when he wasn't able to convince me to cut ties with my family. This is a classic control technique. He mocked me for being a "Daddy's Girl." Why is that something to be mocked? My dad's badass. Funky told me I should never forgive my older brothers for picking on me when I was little. The pranks and the merciless teasing are now a source of laughs with us. Who the hell holds a grudge against someone for playing a dumb prank when they were a literal child??? He told me it was pathetic for a grown woman to be friends with her mother. Why? My mom's an awesome friend. None of Funky's ridiculous attempts to make me question my familial relationships worked, so my safety net remained in place. And I realize that I was extremely fortunate to have been able to maintain a safety net. Had I been forced to rely on Funky financially or move in with him, things could have been much, MUCH worse.
Soon enough, Funky realized that my parents had money. Not to the extent that Mori's family had money... But my parents were financially secure and they helped all their kids financially from time to time. Admittedly, they helped me more than they'd helped my brothers because I was the baby (and the only girl). So Funky started calling me a "stuck-up rich bitch" and trying to convince me to ask my parents for outlandish things. A mansion. A Lamborghini. Money for posh dates and posh vacations. I refused to do this. My parents helped with with rent and tuition, but I made a point to never ask for frivolous crap. If I wanted frivolous crap, I'd save up what I earned from my TA position, theatre stipends, princess parties, burlesque (we eventually got paid with MONEY instead of drink tickets), and random part time jobs. Like the one at the coffee shop that Funky ruined for me.
Wait... Maybe Funky refused to accept the breakup (even when he resented everything about me) because he thought he'd eventually be able to get money from my parents one way or another. He would have been sorely disappointed, though. Knowing what I know now about the extravagant shit he and Mori got up to when they were younger, he would have scoffed at the things that my family thought of as "fancy." Plus, Mori's mommy was bankrolling Funky's entire life (I didn't know this at the time), and yet Funky still wanted more "money teats" to suck.
As for running to my close friends with these relationships woes... Lucy was dealing with her own crushing disappointment after Silver came out of the closet, so I hated to unload my Funky troubles on her. George Gay was enmeshed in a beautiful new romance (not with Silver, for the record), so I didn’t want to disrupt his honeymoon phase. He was dating the guy who’d played Claude in Hair, and they were freakin’ adorable together. Speaking of Hair...
I'll tease a possible one-off in Part 2! And then I'll wrap up my sophomore slump at last. I'm confident that my third saga is gonna be suuuuper funny!

Nothing's more important than a good first impression.
It always feels like the love interest in a romantic comedy makes an entrance that elicits swoons and sighs, cool and composed and confident. It always looks like they have it all together: Everything is already figured out with an effortless brand of charm and poise. They might as well be straight out of a catalog for The Gap.
So what happens when a supposed Prince Charming-type doesn't find himself in any kind of position to make the Mister Right-esque first impression one might expect from him? What if our characters' meet-cute comes just as my character is blindsided by an embarrassing moment? And how might that tilt the dynamic of what might be a fairly ordinary love story?
Hello! I want to craft a wonderful, brilliant, eminently entertaining modern-day, slice-of-life rom-com with a few of you folks out there. All I'm looking for is a little inspiration to kick a story off for us! What does that look like, exactly? Well, that's between you and your imagination. But here's what I'm looking for: An embarrassing-moment meet-cute for our characters!
Prompt me with a cutely embarrassing scenario, an outfit (or lack thereof) for one (or both!) of our protagonists, a phrase your character might utter, or something else I can use as inspiration to write the starter of your dreams!
Please also be at least twenty, eager to write either via Reddit messages or Discord, have a couple hundred words in you for responses, and have a penchant for third-person perspective!
The rest, we'll figure out as we go along!

안녕하세요 여러분~
I have successfully finished both of the courses that Duolingo offers for Korean (Korean 1&2). Now this is my brief review on it.
Disclaimer: I did NOT learn Hangeul with LingoDoor. I think it's easier to just watch a few YouTube videos on that topic. Also, I have a lifetime subscription for both LingoDeer and LingoDeer Plus. I got it like 4 years ago for around 90 EUR, which is definitely cheap for the amount of time you can spend on it.
Pros:

• a set curriculum.
  • When learning a language, it is very important to follow a path and not learn a billion random things at the same time. You can easily learn all of the most important grammar aspects using LingoDeer, especially Course 1. I especially like the informal/colloquial units.
  • important is to at least have seen a grammar structure, not being completely unfamiliar to it
• Different ways to review content:
  • Review tool with vocabulary OR grammar of stuff you have learned (customizable)
  • 5min quiz on anything
  • reviewing lessons fully or only the comprehension/writing/listening part of it
    • i recommend using the writing review on your tablet and write out what you hear to also practice writing and not using the keyboard!
• shows how much time you spent on the app:
  • good to check your progress
• newly introduced phrases can be translated and explained word by word
• cute design (of course)

Cons:

• no self production
  • essentially, like a book, the method is more shadowing or learning by heart than acquiring the language by using it.
• Short stories
  • you cannot save any words from the stories or translate them individually, but they are still useful
• Grammar tips / explanations sometimes dont suffice; extra research is needed
  • i found some explanations a bit lacking or too widely put, but a simple google search helps out
• TOO MUCH!!
  • I have accumulated about 1245 words and sentences in Korean 2 and 1438 in Korean 1, which is just too much to review. Having 125 knowledge cards on different grammar aspects is veeeerryyyy messy. But I guess that's more on Korean itself than the app...

Conclusion: I definitely recommend LingoDeer. It is basically like a book with a lot of exercises but in form of a gamified app. It took me about a few years to finish it but that is on me and not because of LingoDeer.. I also recommend LingoDeer Plus for more exercises. There's really every kind of way to practice Korean and increase vocabulary. The levels of the courses are from TOPIK 1 to 3 (A1-B1), which I think is adequate.
If on sale, I would recommend the Lifetime Subscription of both LingoDeer and LingoDeer Plus. That way you dont have to stress on finishing the course in a short duration. Also you might be able to use it for another language in future, too.
Definitely better than Duolingo (even though I also use that one...)
But as always, do not forget to include more than just 1 single resource into your learning. I'm using a bunch and I think I now will focus on reviewing lessons on LingoDeer, since there is not much else to do :D
If you also have an opinion or a question, let's discuss it in the comments!!

안녕하세요 여러분~
I have successfully finished both of the courses that Duolingo offers for Korean (Korean 1&2). Now this is my brief review on it.
Disclaimer: I did NOT learn Hangeul with LingoDoor. I think it's easier to just watch a few YouTube videos on that topic. Also, I have a lifetime subscription for both LingoDeer and LingoDeer Plus. I got it like 4 years ago for around 90 EUR, which is definitely cheap for the amount of time you can spend on it.
Pros:

• a set curriculum.
  • When learning a language, it is very important to follow a path and not learn a billion random things at the same time. You can easily learn all of the most important grammar aspects using LingoDeer, especially Course 1. I especially like the informal/colloquial units.
  • important is to at least have seen a grammar structure, not being completely unfamiliar to it
• Different ways to review content:
  • Review tool with vocabulary OR grammar of stuff you have learned (customizable)
  • 5min quiz on anything
  • reviewing lessons fully or only the comprehension/writing/listening part of it
    • i recommend using the writing review on your tablet and write out what you hear to also practice writing and not using the keyboard!
• shows how much time you spent on the app:
  • good to check your progress
• newly introduced phrases can be translated and explained word by word
• cute design (of course)

Cons:

• no self production
  • essentially, like a book, the method is more shadowing or learning by heart than acquiring the language by using it.
• Short stories
  • you cannot save any words from the stories or translate them individually, but they are still useful
• Grammar tips / explanations sometimes dont suffice; extra research is needed
  • i found some explanations a bit lacking or too widely put, but a simple google search helps out
• TOO MUCH!!
  • I have accumulated about 1245 words and sentences in Korean 2 and 1438 in Korean 1, which is just too much to review. Having 125 knowledge cards on different grammar aspects is veeeerryyyy messy. But I guess that's more on Korean itself than the app...

Conclusion: I definitely recommend LingoDeer. It is basically like a book with a lot of exercises but in form of a gamified app. It took me about a few years to finish it but that is on me and not because of LingoDeer.. I also recommend LingoDeer Plus for more exercises. There's really every kind of way to practice Korean and increase vocabulary. The levels of the courses are from TOPIK 1 to 3 (A1-B1), which I think is adequate.
If on sale, I would recommend the Lifetime Subscription of both LingoDeer and LingoDeer Plus. That way you dont have to stress on finishing the course in a short duration. Also you might be able to use it for another language in future, too.
Definitely better than Duolingo (even though I also use that one...)
But as always, do not forget to include more than just 1 single resource into your learning. I'm using a bunch and I think I now will focus on reviewing lessons on LingoDeer, since there is not much else to do :D
If you also have an opinion or a question, let's discuss it in the comments!!

I had to learn that hard way that an alarming amount of dog owners don’t actually CARE about other’s safety
I have a small dog that bites, she really doesn’t like men and children, so I keep men and kids away from her. If a man or a child asks to pet her, I say no. It’s that simple, so Ig I just kinda assumed that other dog owners would also say no if they know that THEIR dog isn’t safe to pet.
Yeah, apparently that’s not the case. I had to learn the hard way that phrases like “You can try! XD” and “sure! I’m trying to get my dog more socialized” ARE A RED FLAG
People who say those things do not care if you get bit, and annoyingly will not actually give you a direct warning about the dog. What’s worse is that these people typically have big dogs, so if you get bit, it can be really serious.
and then when the dog tries to bite they laugh it off like it’s not a big deal
It just really makes me mad when people are irresponsible like this, it’s not that hard to just say no. If you know that your dog can hurt somebody, just say no. It is that simple.
But no, people will use indirect communication, seem to expect you to know the risks, instead of just being straightforward.
I just stopped trying to pet big dogs, I will still ask owners about small dogs, but I do not take risks with big dog owners anymore, because I can literally get permission, and then find out the hard way that the dog is reactive, or aggressive, or something like that. And I have met people who will continuously say that their dog is friendly while the dog is showing clear body language that it is not friendly. So I just do not really trust big dog owners anymore, and it is a shame because big dogs can be really cute, but I cannot trust other people to tell me the truth.
It really enrages me, they KNOW how dangerous a dog bite can be, especially from a bigger breed, and they would rather try to defend the dog, straight up lie to your face, or use indirect communication rather than just warn you about the dog.

It was a strange episode in his life, but the young Corvian was thankful for the opportunity to experience Terra herself. He was also thankful that his friend had refrained from using his usual nickname of "Squawks," seeing as it saved him a feather-rustling recounting of the incident which earned it for him. Instead, he was going by a more presentable, "Mister Buttons," seeing as his true name was unpronounceable to almost all Terrans. Besides, the story behind it was rather cute and involved a Human hatchling who gave up on trying to pronounce his true name, and Terrans of all stripes have loved hearing it. Praise the ancestors that Jerry didn't think this occasion was one for the kind of levity that comes from embarrassing his friends. The occasion being a funeral followed by a wake.
It wasn't Mister Buttons's first time attending a Terran funeral, far from it, but it was the first one that wasn't a military affair. Unlike the friends consigned to the void often without even a body to offer up to the skies by the war, Jerry's family had lost a High Matron- or what he called a Great Grandmama, to time. Mister Buttons hadn't known that Humans had such strong ties to previous generations, and it warmed him to know he had another thing in common with these valiant people. Even so, he couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of Terra, the majesty of the city of Seward with its arching towers rising above the grasses and grain fields roiling in the winds dotted with small dwellings and outbuildings to the far horizon. Even this splendor was insignificant in terms of Terran cities, at least on Terra. It didn't stop Mister Buttons from trilling happily at every new marvel, not the least of which was the gravbelt that enabled him to even set foot on such a punishingly strong gravity world.
It was therefore a stark contrast, at first, when he was lead into a relatively diminutive building built from timbers and glass, to pay homage to the venerable departed with Jerry and his kinsfolk. Its whitewashed exterior and steeply angled red tiled roof still drew the eyes up past the steepled bell tower to the clear blue sky as he stood beneath the peaked archway of the heavy doors flung open in welcome to all and sundries. Even the towers he had gawked at failed to make him feel so small as that sky did as he dragged his gaze back to the building itself where dyed glass arranged in patterns depicted a Human man nailed to a tortuous device of death from Terra's ancient past. The central figure of one of the Terrans' religions who apparently had a lasting impact on Terran philosophy, art, culture, and obviously, belief, so far as Mister Buttons understood things. It was a strangely peaceful depiction, and Mister Buttons found himself filing into the… what was this place called? After a whispered question, Jerry explained that it was called a "church," and its purpose was to provide a gathering place for religious people to perform their rituals, elucidate their teachings, and organize community events and charity, much like an Ancestors' Hall back home. Inside, it seemed that the building fit that purpose well, a large stage with what looked like a symbolic alter, a lectern, what looked like some kind of musical instruments, and another depiction of the dying religious figure occupied one end of the church, while the rest was filled with long benches facing the stage and alter. Seating. Comfortable for Humans and other Terrans, and even a spattering of Lutrae to be sure, but decidedly uncomfortable for anybody who had to accommodate tail feathers.
"Don't worry bro, we'll stand at the back," Jerry said in hushed tones after a glance at Mister Buttons's narrowed eyes.
Mister Buttons couldn't help from letting out some relieved clicks as he said, "Thank you. I hate chairs."
They took their places in an out-of-the-way corner near the doors and watched the family and friends file in. Mister Buttons was shocked by how few of them had Jerry's military bearing as they filed in and found seats while carrying on conversations in near whispers even while pained chuckling or grief filled sobs threatened to break the quiet. Then, the slow trickle of mourners ceased, and the doors closed with a muffled thump.
A woman sat on a bench before the musical instrument, and played a resonate thrumming tune on the keys with her fingers, and Mister Buttons was not shocked to hear the whispers had dwindled to the near silence of two hundred people breathing by the time it ended and the musician left the instrument to rejoin the congregation. Then, a man in formal garb walked to a modest lectern beside the alter and began to speak. The man's speech contained readings from the religion's holy book, similes, cultural references, and regional turns of phrase that unfortunately Mister Buttons found difficult to follow even with his strong grasp of Commercial English. It did seem to him that the jist of it had to do with the soul of the departed going to a place of honor, the celebration of her life, and the grief of those who remained among the living. So far as Mister Buttons could peace together anyway. This Abigail woman had apparently done much, mentored many, and leaves behind a legacy any ancestor could be proud of, at least if Mister Buttons was understanding the speaker properly. Then, he lead the congregation in a prayer to the religion's deity before saying, "I'll now open the floor up to anybody who's fixing to have their say."
Jerry, bold as ever, strode into the aisle and up to the lectern without hesitation, and Mister Buttons was surprised to see several people easing themselves back onto the benches in deference to his quick seizure of the first speech. "Hey y'all," he said with a throat clearing caught, and there was a murmured reply from the listeners before he began again, "I've been thinking since I got the news. Thinking about names of all things. You don't really get to pick your own name. First your parents give you a name in the hopes that it'll be made to shine with a good life, and that's a treasure itself. But then you go out into the world and start collecting names. If you're lucky you'll cultivate a collection of nicknames from friends full of humor and fraternity, but they won't forget that hopeful gift you were introduced with. Then if God wills it, you'll meet a special person, and call them 'Dear,' or 'Sweetheart' or 'Love' or anything else like that and be called in turn until that wonderful day you can call each other 'Husband' or 'Wife," but probably those hopeful names you introduced yourselves with already shine with love.
"Then the nicknames and sweetheart names will fall away, and maybe even your true names when you become 'Mamma' or "Dadda,' and eventually 'Mom' and 'Dad.' Then, after those who you gifted hopeful names have cultivated their own collections of names, they too will be 'Mamma' and 'Dadda,'" here Jerry's voice caught in his throat as he continued, "and those kids will name you again, just like my mom named a matriarch called Abigail 'Grandmamma,' and my older cousins called her 'Great Grandmamma.'
"And now at the end of Great Grandmamma's life, we're here to tell each other all of the names we had for her, and all of the stories behind those names. Like the time she yelled at my brother and me. Let me tell you, I've been shot at and I'll tell you which I'd rather face again." The congregation let out a quiet chuckle at that remark interspersed with some sniffles and sobs, and Jerry visibly collected himself in the time that gave him before continuing, "I've heard it said that you die twice, once when you pass from this world and another time when your name is uttered for the last time. I disagree. Great Grandmamma wasn't the brave, gentle, strong, wise woman out of nowhere, and it was the names that she carried that made her that way, and it'll be her names that we carry forward that make us as good as we are, along with other folks like her who taught us the right way. Her influence, her legacy will outlive her most fleeting names, and I believe even the most lasting of ours. And, erm, that's what I had to say. Thanks."
Jerry walked back down the central aisle as another from the congregation to take his place at the lectern, but Mister Buttons was more interested in his friend's rigid pace and wooden expression as he took his former position at the back of the church with him again. "Are you well?" Mister Buttons asked quietly.
"I'm fine," he whispered back hoarsely, "or at least I'm better."
Mister Buttons subtly put a wing grasper on Jerry's shoulder in an awkward gesture of solidarity, and got a wan smile in return as the somewhat portly man shared an amusing anecdote about Abigail and how she solved a social problem with grace. What seemed like hours passed as grieving family members took turns to share like happy memories or thoughts about the nature of life and death from the lectern as the rest of the mourners listened intently. Sometimes through tears, sometimes through laughter, and sometimes through both, but by the end of it it seemed to Mister Buttons that fewer people had stayed seated than had shared something. A beloved High Matron indeed. Then, another prayer, another resonate piece of thrumming music, and the doors were flung open to the dwindling twilight for the mourners to leave the church. The family wasted little time in walking to a nearby restaurant, which they had apparently rented out as a venue, and proceeded to throw the most raucous party Mister Buttons had ever attended. This bedlam of food (mostly edible), drink (which he dared not touch), music, and dance was apparently their idea of a wake.
A stout matronly Human woman with deep laugh lines about her eyes cornered Mister Buttons and asked him, "So how did you know Abby?"
"Ah, I did not. We got shore leave, and I didn't have any family to visit here, so Jerry said I could tag along if I didn't mind going to a funeral…" Mister Buttons explained lamely.
"Oh, welcome to the family!" she explained as she threw her arms about him in a bone crushing hug.
Mister Buttons decided that it was an excellent funeral.

I've recently been debating posting here, but after having this issue stuck in my head, I couldn't help myself. For context, I (16F), have a best friend (15F), who we will call K. K and I have been friends for the last 10 years, give or take, and recently, I've noticed a lot of changes in her personality and actions. Especially when it comes to birthday parties in general, whether it's my own or others, think attention seeker.
We're actually going to dive back a little for some of these memories, because I'm appalled at how blind I was to even allow it to happen. (For reference, most will be centered around birthday parties and such) At K’s 14th birthday, during presents, I had given K a self-drawn picture of herself, and a small necklace I thought was cute. Another one of my friends had gifted her similar artwork, which she praised. However, when she got to mine, and proceeded to belittle it and call it "trashy" even though most of my friends thought it was good (this was my first attempt, I was but sensitive). K has always had the habit of brushing off non-expensive gifts, and rarely puts any thought into the gifts she gives others.
Eventually, Halloween happened. My family was hosting a party that was kid-friendly. K showed up with possibly the most inappropriate costume for said party (it was around 40 degrees F). She dressed as sexy Pennywise, and waltzed around my house when there were children around the ages of 3-10 in the room. While I'm fine with her dressing up, I just wish she kept it more appropriate since the invitation stated “kid friendly.”
Now we get to my Sweet 16/Quinceañera, K had the #1 spot at my birthday table, and she showed up one hour late, missed my grand entrance + happy birthday, and then quickly left not even twenty minutes later. I will confirm that I still hold a grudge over this, as well as most of my family, and as you can probably assume, I was incredibly upset and it ruined my night just a bit. Especially since it was supposed to be a special celebration. Now, before I say anything else, I will admit I have missed K’s 15th, and will be missing her 16th. But at least I have justifiable reasons. For her 15th, I had a very bad case of strep throat, and had recently been treated for my 2nd case of COVID. K is still very upset I didn't attend and will often bring it up whenever she can.
A similar issue is with her Sweet 16 that I won’t be attending due to a pre-planned school trip from last year. I absolutely cannot cancel this trip due to my family already putting money into it and having all the deposits finalized recently.
K was pissed when I told her, and proceeded to ignore most of my messages when I tried to talk with her about it. She eventually called me a bunch of colorful phrases, and even called me an asshole for even trying to attend the trip instead of her Sweet 16, while also stating she’s been a good friend to me.
So Reddit, AITA for missing her Sweet 16?

Flights: £600
Hotels: £500-£600
Food, transport and shopping: £500-£600
Interests: architecture, photography, food, cute shops/cafe
First time in Japan and it's something I dreamed about since I began studying the language at a young age. I finally managed to go after years of waiting for the right time! I realised that the "right" time wouldn't come so I booked the tickets 2 months in advance and off I went! Link to my plan that I made 2 months ago.
Hotel reviews

• Forest Hongo by unito ❤️ - Very friendly staff and cleaner who I exchanged conversations with. Free laundry, ironing and microwave on 1 floor. A bit far from station but I enjoyed the walks. Quick and easy check in and check out.
• APA Hotel Midosuji Honmachiekimae Higashi ❤️ - High level of service from staff, very big and comfy bed, convenient location, family mart and 7-eleven 1 min away, fav hotel, express check out (enter your card in the box).
• Hotel Excellence Kyoto Ekimae 😞 - Very meh compared to other hotels, non-existent staff, room was right next to the noisy main road. Luckily it was only for 1 night.
• First Cabin Capsule Hotel (Kansai Airport) £40/night - Separated by gender, very clean and spacious rooms. Very convenient as it's located in the airport with lots of amenities. Hard to sleep if you're a light-sleeper like me but good to experience capsule hotels at least once.

Tokyo 🌆 (4 days)

As I was very sleep deprived and jet-lagged after a 16 hr flight, I didn't enjoy Tokyo as much as I thought I would. I'm not neurodivergent but even I was very overstimulated from all the constant sounds from shops/adverts and colours from the buildings. The stations were a bit stressful to get around with all the crowds but google maps was SO useful by stating which section of the train to get on and which exits were the best. I did really enjoy Harajuku and Shibuya because of the cute shops. Akihabara was a let down but maybe more because I'm not the right audience for all the "toy" shops. Another fascinating thing was that nobody jaywalks, unless it's night time in a quiet street.
Teamlabs Borderless ❤️ exceeded my expectations and I liked how calm and chic the Azubadai Hills area was in general! Definitely go early because the noisy tourists and kids running around can affect how immersed you feel. Loved the Shinjuku area as the streets were more spacious and there were lots of nice shops to go to. Asakusa area was fun to visit with the Sensoji Shrine and stalls. I highly recommend the Kura Sushi chain if you want to try conveyor belt sushi.
Did not expect to see a man peeing in Omoide Yokocho at around 5pm in broad day light but now I know how it got it's nickname as Piss Alley.. apart from that, the streets were very small with lots of nice lanterns and tiny bars which were nice to look at at night but as it was full, we couldn't go into any.

Osaka 🍡 (5 days)

Loved my time here as a foodie and lover of street lights. The massive billboards with the food displays was lovely to see all lit up at night. Places I recommend are Okaru for okonomiyaki, any food stalls with a queue for takoyaki, Kushikatsu Daruma for skewers. I also visited the Pokemon centre, Ghibli store and Nintendo stores, fulfilling my childhood dreams. There are so many cute gacha machines around which made my inner child so so happy.
Dotonbori and Shinsekai ❤️ at night was really gorgeous with the lit up billboards. I really felt the city come to life at night. We also saw Hozenji Temple which was very relaxing amongst the busy streets. Osaka Castle and Namba Yasaka Shrine were also worth visiting! I also visited Cat Cafe Mikazuki and the owner was very sweet, explaining everything in her best English until she realised 日本語でおk

Kyoto ⛩️ (2 days)

I regret not staying here for longer. Walking around the quiet streets of hilly Arashiyama is something I'll never forget. There's a really nice 7-eleven I found with space to sit down and eat. I wish more konbini's had this too. As it rained on the first day, I didn't get up to much except Nishiki Market where they had lots of food and souvenir shops! I managed to squeeze a lot in the next day. The Kyoto City Bus made sightseeing so easy.
Got up early to see Kinkaku-ji/Golden Temple which was an architectural masterpiece. I loved taking photos. Despite lots of school trip crowds and some rude chinese tourists, there were areas that were very zen and peaceful. After that I saw the Ryoanji Rock Garden, which was very calming. After being so overstimulated in Tokyo, I needed this break so much.
Arashiyama Monkey Park Iwatayama 20 min up-hill hike was hard but worth it when I saw the cute baby monkeys. Lots of families seemed to enjoy this place and it just brightened my day. There were rules we had to follow and people were quite sensible and respectful when going near them or feeding them.
The highlight was Togetsukyo Bridge ❤️ which was so serene and beautiful. I loved walking down the main road with all the cute souvenir shops and food stalls. I had a lovely dango here too and admired all the people walking in their beautiful kimonos. For the first time in this trip, I didn't feel annoyed by all the tourists because I could see how excited they were, sharing this experience in Japan, just like me.
After that I managed to pop by Gion in the afternoon to see the Hokan-ji Temple which was nice but a bit underwhelming as the streets were very small and crammed with people trying to get the same photos.
Thoughts and tips:
-Using an e-sim from Airalo was very quick to install and saved a lot of hassle. I also used a digital Suica on my iphone to pay for transport which was very quick and easy. At the end of my journey, my suica refused to accept money which was annoying but I managed to buy tickets at the machines. I used Monzo for all payments at the konbini but cash was required for shrines and restaurants/bars so always have cash in hand- at least £50-80. I didn't have any fees when getting cash from 7-eleven ATMs.
-Don Quihote had some cool stuff but it was so overwhelming with hundreds of people in there. I liked Loft and other shopping centres around the cities more. I luckily went to Japan with only 1/4-1/2 of my luggage full so all my souvenirs fit! There are elevators in stations so didn't have a problem with carrying luggage around.
-Please don't be the cringey tourist that says "arigato" to strangers as it's too informal. Use "arigato gozaimasu" as that is the standard way. Also if you're a man, please don't go on the women-only carriages or sit on the women-only seats on the JR trains as women can get very uncomfy. I saw male tourists doing these things.
-Coin lockers were SO useful and there are plenty around stations. There are no bins in Japan so I would try and eat things at the konbini and throw it away there or take it back to my hotel. The only people on trains who were talking really loudly were- you guessed it- tourists.. Most locals were very quiet on public transport as there are signs everywhere to not be a nuisance to others. Women carriages were very useful during busy times.
-Being able to speak Japanese made things so much easier as people relaxed around me and were very friendly. I didn't feel as anxious being alone in a country on the other side of the world. The level of English isn't great so knowing basic phrases is a must in Japan.
-The quality of service in Japan is high. Shop attendants will greet you every time, the bus driver announces every time the bus is about to move so you don't fall, the hotels give free amenities.
-I appreciated how well-dressed everyone was, especially in Shinjuku and Harajuku area where they really showed their individuality through their fashion. People in general were dressed better than in London, even the middle-aged men were rocking suits. Not a single hoodie and tracksuit in sight (unless it was styled up).
-I loved how useful and cheap the Yamato takkyubin service was. My hotel didn't have it but they directed me to the nearest Family-Mart 2 min away and they sent it to my hotel in Osaka. I was nervous leaving my luggage but when I saw it the next day, I was so relieved! Will definitely use this again especially as it was only £11.
-As the yen was weak against the pound, I ended up buying a lot of stuff and was surprised at how cheap konbini food was for the quality. I got the katsu sando at least once every day for a bit. It was so good!! Lawson's karaage-kun was also delicious!! I also got a bit obsessed with the Wonda Cafe au lait. As a solo traveller, the konbini was a life-saver for eating out. Most of the time I met my friends for dinner but a lot of places have seats for solo diners on the bar area.
This trip was everything I wanted for a holiday and I'm already planning my next trip. Next time, I'll definitely spend longer than 10 days and spend more time in nature or less touristy areas. Some places: Kamakura to see the trams by the beach, Nikko and Wakayama for waterfalls, see Mount Fuji, private onsen somewhere.