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disclaimer that i am NOT certified. i am simply an NA and have a lot less responsibilities. my hospital trained me for a week and put me on my medsurg/telemetry floor. i basically just run errands for my nurses/patients, do patient care, and act (minimally) as a housekeeper. another disclaimer that this is kind of a long rant.
i’ve been here since March 13, 2023. i love my job, kind of, but god, this job is so, so draining. i miss working simpler jobs where i didn’t take work home with me. i’ve had shifts that left me in a bad mood for days after. i have a lot taking a toll on me OUTSIDE of work. work used to be my escape.
there’s so much workplace drama as well, it’s like primary school all over again. and it’s always the older nurses. don’t get me wrong, there’s several coworkers that i love with all of my heart. we go out for lunch and dinner together, go on hikes, etc.
there’s a select few of my nurses who i have NEVER seen do patient care in my year of working. it’s all task delegation, even when i’m the only aide on my floor of 36 patients. they have a major superiority complex and do everything they can to avoid helping me. some will see that i’m clearly in the middle of something and obviously overwhelmed and ask me to get a set of vitals so they can give their pain meds. i already have to get 18 sets of vitals every 4 hours, which takes me 1-1.5 hours as it is. by the time i’m inished, i’m starting again.
i’ve been physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally abused by patients. i’ve been shamed for my tattoos, my scrubs, my weight, my height. i’ve been physically and verbally sexually harassed way too often.
i’m looked down on by my managers, nurses, NPs, PAs, residents, doctors, etc. but what hurts the most is my patients seeing me as less-than. i know i’m just an assistant, but i don’t want to be seen as “just” an assistant. of course, sometimes i get lovely patients, some of which are frequent fliers who love seeing me again.
most of my patients are geriatric and/or incontinent. most of my days consist of constant bed changes. so many are demented and/or fall risks who won’t stop getting out of bed, and my nurses get annoyed when i ask them for help getting them back in bed.
i have sciatica and it’s dreadful. some days i can barely make it and my legs will hurt for days after my shift. everyone looks down on me for needing to sit down for a while but they don’t understand the pain i’m in (unmedicated and untreated). i was put on a steroid packet for a month and it saved me, but that was only temporary. i can’t get an MRI until i complete 6 weeks of PT 3 days a week so my insurance will cover it, but i don’t have time between work and school, both full time. i told my PCP this so she referred me to a chiropractor. thanks but no thanks.
i’m VERY anemic and i’m on supplements, but they make me so constipated. i have to take them every other day and take laxatives almost daily, which i know is bad for you.
i have bipolar II, anxiety, and possibly ADHD. i can be on the brink of being suicidal and still have to plaster a smile on my face for my patients. they ask me how i am but i tell myself not to complain because i know they’re in a worse position than me and it’s like rubbing it in their faces. i’ll just say “Tired! How about you, honey?”
i’ve had chronic tachycardia since birth. it’s not uncommon for my HR to be in the 140s-150s, but i’ve seen it in the 170s. i’m also addicted to caffeine which is a great combination. i used to drink 3 monsters a day but my partner made me cut back for my health. my coworkers would hide them from me haha. it doesn’t even energize me anymore; it just makes me feel normal.
my back is already killing me. i’m only 20 years old. i know that nursing kills your back as well, but after gaining 2 years of experience and completing my BSN, i will be able to specialize in WOC where i won’t hurt my back as much. my MIL is a WOC nurse who invites me to do rounds with her and shadow her while she charts and does consults, and i’ve decided that’s my dream job. it’s something i’m genuinely looking forward to. my boyfriend asked, “if you could have any job, and pay was the same across the board, what would it be?” i told him i’d still be a WOC nurse.
i’m in pre-nursing right now, but once i’m officially in the nursing program, my hospital will pay for most of my schooling. however, i will have to sign a contract with them (i can’t remember if it’s 3 or 5 years. i think they changed it recently.). i figured it would be fine, since i’ll be specializing at this hospital. but this position is killing my physical and mental health. i don’t know. i can’t bring myself to leave so i’m just venting. thanks for reading if you got this far.

Heidi, we love you! I'm sure you read all the texts to you. I'm just catching up on the ones that went up after I went to sleep. Yes, most of us have had similar regrettable events in our lives.
For the record, let me repeat this paragraph we looked at yesterday:

When we selflessly dedicate ourselves to spreading the Mystic Law, the negative functions residing in our beings and lurking in the dark depths of society are driven out of hiding. We purposely call them forth so that we can conquer them, and in the process make our inner Buddhahood shine all the brighter.

I think the conditions at schools today are far more difficult than when I was a student 10-15 years ago. It seems that you found a very exceptional school where you've met wonderful students and teachers. But yesterday you saw the negative functions "lurking in the dark depths of society" as well as those residing in your own being.
Let me summarize what a lot of the Ladies texted. You are a disciple of Ikeda Sensei. Let's look at what happened through this lens starting with the personal side. You are an artist, a rocker no less. Temper? Hard Edge? Make a scene? Bend rules? Deal with consequences? Don't give a damn? Obnoxious? Sorry, it comes with the territory.
Looking backwards to almost four summers ago to when we first met, I still remember a girl who kept on changing stories (AKA "lying"?) about her age, who called out the creeping sexualization of young people, and who was able to stand and sing on a stage in front of many people without the slightest bit of inhibition. There are positive and negative qualities to your personality!
And now you are in the stage of "purposely call them forth so that we can conquer them." As far as those negative functions "lurking in the dark depths of society," you called your Dean "Kiefer Sutherland on steroids." As you read from many of us, when you go back to school you have a choice. You can collect high-fives from your friends for speaking back to Mr. Sutherland and continue a feud with him for two more years. But I think as Sensei's disciple you need to chant for the wisdom to turn Mr. Sutherland into an ally. That's infinitely harder to do! Come on Ms. Rocker, you can do it!
You should give Guy a call. He tells us there are plenty of Mr. Sutherlands in schools. He's finishing up his coursework to become a school leader and has been studying all the stresses on schools and school people these days. He says that once you can understand this, you will immediately feel some compassion for Mr. Sutherland.
Back to Ikeda Sensei's lecture. Sensei gives us some more insight into the hardships mentioned in this portion of The Orally Transmitted Teachings:

They also include various challenges, difficulties and sufferings resulting from karma, which together fall into the category of the “three obstacles and four devils.” When we as disciples remember the Daishonin’s words that “the wise will rejoice” in encountering difficulties (see “The Three Obstacles and Four Devils,” WND-1, 637), and emulate our mentors in striving with the conviction that obstacles are a springboard to enlightenment, we will advance unerringly to attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime.

So, Ladies, let's be inspired by our Heidi's spunkiness. And, as a mother, when the Twinettes show their spunkiness (uhmm, every 5 minutes!), I have to think twice before I tamp it down. Maybe they will need to have a big reserve of this quality on tap when they meet their Mr. or Ms. Sutherland.
Have a great day!

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'll give it a try...
Network gear I'm running is: UDM Pro, NanoHDs and AC-Pro APs
For about a year, I've had no issues with my system but recently I've been having devices drop and I am unable to reconnect them to my network.
I have a house and a barn. The barn has two APs, consisting of one NanoHD and one AC Pro. The house has an attached garage. On the other side of the house I have an attached porch. I have an AC Pro on the porch and an AC Pro in the garage. Additionally, I have on NanoHD in the basement.
For the lifetime of my system, I set the AP's to utilize channel 1, 6 and 11. 1 being in the barn, 11 at the porch, and 6 in the garage which is the furthest from the barn. For this issue, I've turned off all other APs and also turned off 5G.
Recently, I've noticed that my weatherstation dropped and fails to update. My LiftMaster garage door system dropped. This consists of 3 devices. One on the barn door and two on the house garage doors.
Also, I have a wireless sump monitor and various TP link wall switches. All dropped.
I've tried turning off 5G, turning off all but one AP, setting the APs back to allow Unifi to fully control the system (auto-select channel, power, etc) to no avail. I've also tried creating any-any rules for devices that need to communicate to the cloud although I am not blocking any traffic regardless. Of course, I've tried updating and rebooting my entire system. After making many changes I remained in the same state. Later in the day I noticed my garage door openers were again available within my application on my phone. I checked on the weather station and it too was now communicating. But yesterday, it happened again. Many devices dropped and I'm unable to reconnect them. Please note that not all of these devices were connected to any one given AP. They were spread around so I feel the issues is a global issue, not an issue with any given AP.
A case has been opened with Ubiquiti but I don't expect that to move quickly so I'm reaching out here in tandem.
When I correlate the time of the devices dropping off the network and compare that to the logs within Unifi I see no smoking gun. Absolutely nothing is in the log files at the time of the latest fiascal.
I just don't know where to go from here? Maybe I'm overlooking the simple--the obvious--which I sometimes do.
Although excessive, maybe I should completely blow away my wireless network and recreate it? I should also mention that I've been running the early access releases. I don't have a backup that would take me back far enough before these issues arose. And since devices started working a couple days ago but dropped again I'm guessing it's not related to the version. But for the record, I'm rocking OS 4.0.3
I appreciate any help or advice anyone can provide to help me troubleshoot this issue.

With the Boys season 4 coming up, I wanted to offer a fix for season 3. One common complaint with season 3 is that it ended with the status quo going unchanged. Homelander wins again, Soldier Boy is frozen once again and the Boys are scrambling for a plan once again. So to combat these problems, here is ny fix for the season.
The season would go pretty much the same until the last episode. However, in the final fight, the Boys should have gone through with their plan and Soldier Boy should have depowered Homelander until some shenanigans happen with Ryan and Homelander escapes.
Now we have a much more interesting set up for season 4. You have two options to choose from. Either we change the finale of season 3 a little more so that nobody except Homelander himself knows that he is depowered. Thus, the season would revolve around him pretending to still be a superhero and controlling Vought but also panicking and being scared about others getting to know that he is powerless. Maybe he could start acting nicer towards the Seven and build up a genuine friendship with A-Train or the Deep since he knows that if he accidentally gets in a fight with them, he will get demolished.
The second option is that Homelander just escapes with Ryan and goes into hiding as everyone now knows that he has no powers. The season would revolve around half the Boys trying to bring down Soldier Boy, who becomes the leader of the Seven and Homelander’s replacement (which would be ironic because Homelander was his replacement) while the other half searches for Homelander.
Soldier Boy could either become a tyrant leader and start bullying A-Train and Deep or try to correct his previous mistakes and be a better leader. Both options would offer an interesting dynamic for season 4. Meanwhile Homelander would be trying to not get killed as the Boys as well A-Train, Deep, Maeve, Ashley and others would all be trying to kill him for tormenting them. He could build a genuine bond with Ryan since he does not have to worry about managing Vought or maintaining his image anymore.
By the end of season 4, you could have Homelander getting his powers back after which season 5 would see him truly lose control and go after every supe and human that tried to kill him when he was human. It would make for a far better season 4 premise and a more impactful finale as Homelander goes scorched Earth with Ryan by his side.
That’s my fix for season 3 of the Boys and how it would make the show more impactful and interesting.

Hello everyone, after nailbiting and picking for all my life (21yr old), I have decided to try and stop for good. As a child, my parents made countless attempts to make me stop, but nothing worked. Gloves, icky tasting stuff, gel nails, band aids, nail polish, fidget bracelets, reward systems, nothing has worked. Now i'm older, and I've decided to try to stop again out of my own volition, because i dont want to deal with infecions and bleeding nails anymore, and I want to look more professional at work. I've been going strong for one week already!
So far, the only thing that has kept me from biting is to file my nails very short so it is unappealing to hook my teeth behind them. But its a daily chore and when im late with it, the urge to bite is very strong. Seeing my nails at a biteable lenght makes me feel annoyed and gives a strong desire to bite.
I was wondering if refraining from biting for a long time will eventually lessen the urge? Does anyone have experience of this happening? My current method feels more like im using a loophole to not bite for now, but i feel like as soon as my nails do get longer, I will eventually bite again. Do i have to keep my nails this short forever, or will the urge go down at some point?
If anyone has experiene or encouragement, i would be very grateful to hear about it

42 (f) not losing weight on 5mg.
4 weeks on 2.5 = went from 241-230 lbs. 3.5 weeks on 5.0 = daily weight between 228-230 lbs.
😩 My dr wants to bump me to 10 which is also the only strength I can find right now. I’m afraid it’s gonna wreck me. Any thoughts on whether this is a terrible idea??
I have had very few side effects from the 5. Some nausea the first week but that’s really it. The 5 is not quieting my food noise or lessening my sugar cravings much at all but I do have some food aversions (not to junk food, unfortunately) and I do get full quickly.
Any advice would be so appreciated!

[F4A] lmk your idea as well
Hello everyone and good afternoon, morning or night if you read this just know I’m glad you clicked on me and to read my idea and I hope you enjoy reading it!!
[F4A] Surviving on a deserted island
Originally, the plan for Nariko had been to spend a nice relaxing vacation, a week long vacation on a beach side resort, endless food and drinks, fancy dinners and entertainment, the whole package. Things had started off well too, the airline was handing out drinks and snacks, the flight started off smooth, and all the passengers seemed happy.
It wasn’t until a couple of hours into the flight where things had gotten a bit shaky. Turbulence is normal on almost any flight, it’s just a part of flying, but this amount was unsettling, and not only had the seatbelt light come on, but an announcement from the captain had gone through as well.
When the plane started to go down unexpectedly, panic broke out, screams of terror, it had all gotten so loud…and then just silence. Was she dead? Is this what death was? Just silence? Then, slowly, she could hear the sound of water. Waves, to be exact, coming and going, lapping against land.
As she slowly came to, she could feel cold wet sand under her. Her entire body felt sore and in pain, but she was alive, and miraculously uninjured. As Nariko sat up on the beach, she could see half of the plane on the beach, and the other half further into the water. At a quick glance, she was the only survivor, and it hadn’t really settled that she had washed up on a remote island. She was basically accepting defeat, until she heard something or someone move behind him.
And if you guys didn’t like that idea I got one more plot which I hope y’all like😁
Plot2: It has been 12 years since the collapse of humanity due to nuclear warfare all over the world, everyone hid in their underground bunkers and many unlucky people perished over he years due to radiation or other humans. The world has become chaotic and groups have been formed by various kinds of people, all trying to protect themselves and survive. In the fictional country that our characters reside in, their is a militaristic rule over the land with tons of raiders on the prowl outside in what's called "The Frontier". Our characters are people living in a community under the military, learning to be medics and fighters to be sent off outside the walls for scavenging for a year. A person is chosen from every block once they turn 21 to be sent into training in preparation for the outside world and (un)luckily both our characters have been chosen this year. (There more to it if your interested in this one let me know, and I’m sorry if I late reply)
And plot 3 is like the walking dead or we can do the one that is basically the same plot as the game the forest but without the kid
(If you made it this far I’m glad!! ^{^} please dm me and if I reply late please forgive me as Reddit notifications doesn’t pop up all the time)

I have been lurker here for a while trying to learn from the experienced folks and decided to try my luck today. I am expecting somewhere between 30L in Nov and another 15L next year maturing from some long term investments I had made.
My professional life has been extremely topsy turvy and have gone through 4 layoffs in 15 years of work experience and long periods of unemployment but somehow managed to pay the EMI's and not take on any debt. I have no assets apart from this. I don't want to touch my PF account for now. I have LIC policy which will mature in 2034 so that's too far off but I pay 22k annual premium for it.
I have no dependents and my monthly expenses if I live frugally enough have been under 30k per month. This includes Rent 15k+Grocery 5-6k+Utilities 3k+Therapist 5k + Misc expenses
I want to invest the above amount in some fixed income plans so I can at least have rent money coming in every month. I can invest more as and when I get a job which even worst case scenarios would be 12L and may cross 30L if I am lucky but I don't really trust my luck anymore. Been unemployed before for a year, now it has crossed 6months and things don't look really good in the future either. Competition keeps getting higher and salaries have been dropping in my world.
I have been freelancing on the side, run workshops and classes and hustle around to keep my expenses covered but I am scared for the future.
If someone can share a link explaining the process or creating that very humbling excel file, that would probably help more but I do need

product recommendations I can research based on the above needs for fixed income (survival money)
where to put in more money on an ad-hoc basis as and when I do get a job or high paying projects

How to automate scraping wikipedia info box specifically and print the data using python for any wiki page?
My task is to automate printing the wikipedia infobox data. well as an example:
I was able to scrape a wikipedia page (https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abenberg) and extract infobox section from the right hand side and print them row by row on screen using python. Ispecifically want the info box. So far I have done this:
import pandas
urlpage = 'https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abenberg'
data = pandas.read_html(urlpage)[0]
null = data.isnull()
for x in range(len(data)):
first = data.iloc[x][0]
second = data.iloc[x][1] if not null.iloc[x][1] else ""
print(first,second,"\n")
which runs perfectly see the output:
Basisdaten Basisdaten
Koordinaten: 49° 15′ N, 10° 58′ OKoordinaten: 49° 15′ N, 10° 58′ O
Bundesland: Bayern
Regierungsbezirk: Mittelfranken
Landkreis: Roth
Höhe: 414 m ü. NHN
Fläche: 48,41 km2
Einwohner: 5607 (31. Dez. 2022)[1]
Bevölkerungsdichte: 116 Einwohner je km2
Postleitzahl: 91183
Vorwahl: 09178
Kfz-Kennzeichen: RH, HIP
Gemeindeschlüssel: 09 5 76 111
LOCODE: ABR
Stadtgliederung: 14 Gemeindeteile
Adresse der Stadtverwaltung: Stillaplatz 1 91183 Abenberg
Website: www.abenberg.de
Erste Bürgermeisterin: Susanne König (parteilos)
Lage der Stadt Abenberg im Landkreis Roth Lage der Stadt Abenberg im Landkreis Roth
to continue: And that said i found out that the infobox is a typical wiki-part. so if i get familiar on this part - then i have learned alot - for future tasks - not only for me but for many others more that are diving into the Topos of scraping-wiki pages. So this might be a general task - helpful and packed with lots of information for many others too.
so far so good: i have a list with pages that lead to quite a many infoboxes:
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liste_der_St%C3%A4dte_und_Gemeinden_in_Bayern#A
i think its worth to traverse over them - and fetch the infobox. the information you are looking for could be found with a python code that traverses over all the findindgs
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abenberg
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abensberg
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absberg
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abtswind

How to automate scraping wikipedia info box specifically and print the data using python for any wiki page?
My task is to automate printing the wikipedia infobox data. well as an example:
I was able to scrape a wikipedia page (https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abenberg) and extract infobox section from the right hand side and print them row by row on screen using python. Ispecifically want the info box. So far I have done this:
import pandas
urlpage = 'https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abenberg'
data = pandas.read_html(urlpage)[0]
null = data.isnull()
for x in range(len(data)):
first = data.iloc[x][0]
second = data.iloc[x][1] if not null.iloc[x][1] else ""
print(first,second,"\n")
which runs perfectly see the output:
Basisdaten Basisdaten
Koordinaten: 49° 15′ N, 10° 58′ OKoordinaten: 49° 15′ N, 10° 58′ O
Bundesland: Bayern
Regierungsbezirk: Mittelfranken
Landkreis: Roth
Höhe: 414 m ü. NHN
Fläche: 48,41 km2
Einwohner: 5607 (31. Dez. 2022)[1]
Bevölkerungsdichte: 116 Einwohner je km2
Postleitzahl: 91183
Vorwahl: 09178
Kfz-Kennzeichen: RH, HIP
Gemeindeschlüssel: 09 5 76 111
LOCODE: ABR
Stadtgliederung: 14 Gemeindeteile
Adresse der Stadtverwaltung: Stillaplatz 1 91183 Abenberg
Website: www.abenberg.de
Erste Bürgermeisterin: Susanne König (parteilos)
Lage der Stadt Abenberg im Landkreis Roth Lage der Stadt Abenberg im Landkreis Roth
to continue: And that said i found out that the infobox is a typical wiki-part. so if i get familiar on this part - then i have learned alot - for future tasks - not only for me but for many others more that are diving into the Topos of scraping-wiki pages. So this might be a general task - helpful and packed with lots of information for many others too.
so far so good: i have a list with pages that lead to quite a many infoboxes:
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liste\_der\_St%C3%A4dte\_und\_Gemeinden\_in\_Bayern#A
i think its worth to traverse over them - and fetch the infobox. the information you are looking for could be found with a python code that traverses over all the findindgs
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abenberg
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abensberg
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absberg
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abtswind

About two weeks ago I thought about writing a story under 1,000 words. Would you believe ... 2,093 words? Enjoy!
At 9 PM, my roommate Martine pulled her knees closer to her chest and corrected her balance on the bay window bench seat. She never once looked at me as I finished neatening up the living room behind her. I didn’t expect her to notice me. She was waiting for her new love interest, Baylun. Nothing short of setting her clothes on fire would break her concentration before he arrived.
That’s why I didn’t bother to ask her if I looked okay. Yes, I wanted to make a good impression on Baylun because being presentable is being polite. Also, I didn’t want to give Martine any reason to leave me without her monthly half of the rent. If she left despite me being as perfect as I can be, well, nothing I can do about that. And given how intensely she was staring out the window, I wouldn’t be surprised if she expected Baylun to propose tonight. On their third date.
As if she’d read my mind, she spoke without turning her head. “Would you add him to the lease? I mean, if you like Baylun?”
“My Aunt Gloria might okay it. There’s enough room here. We can ask.” Why did I feel the need to appease her and pretend I wouldn’t be uncomfortable as the third wheel in my aunt’s rental house? My best guess is because appeasing and pretending are the cornerstones of my life, I’m very good at them.
Luckily, Martine was already not listening. “He’s here,” she whispered, sliding off the bench seat. After picking up her silk shawl, she partially opened our front door. Footsteps coming up our front steps stopped at what I presumed was the top step.
Beaming, she opened the door and invited him in. The man who entered had to duck to get in and I had to stop myself for apologizing to him. He was well dressed, looked like the proverbial “million dollars” and as he bent to give Martine a kiss on the cheek, I saw his eyes.
I froze for a moment, staring at the wrinkles around his eyes. Inhaling sharply, I blinked and shifted my gaze to Martine. She’d described Baylun as mature for his age. She’d failed to tell me he was at least middle age. That may sound ageist and I’m sorry for that but Martine and I are both 22 years old and Baylun looked twice that. He might be kind and, as Martine mentioned more than once, rich, but he might also be constantly on the lookout for a younger model than the one currently on his arm. Far be it from me to pass judgment without proof, but I would need more than Martine’s affirmation to feel comfortable with him as a roommate.
Introductions were short if not sweet. Baylun extended his hand and shook mine, which gave me some relief. If he’d kissed my hand I would undoubtedly have done nothing except internally cringe.
“Are you ready?” he asked, looking first at Martine who nodded enthusiastically. Then he looked at me and raised his eyebrows as if waiting for a reply. My jaw dropped, in real time.
Martine stared at me for half a second before jumping in to save me. “Lise was just getting her sweater, right, Lise?”
Thanks for covering for me, Martine. My plans for the night included pjs as soon as you guys left, but how could I say no? Except for flat out saying “No” which would be unthinkable.
“Right, I forgot it, and where are we going?” I squished in behind Martine, reached into the closet and took the top sweater from the neatly folded pile in the sweater drawer.
Baylun made a noise that was probably meant to sound like laughter. “Heddon’s Hill. To see the stars. Cloudless night tonight!”
Martine clapped her hands a couple of times, giving me a jolt of second-hand embarrassment. “Baylun asked me to keep it a secret. He brought a bottle of really good wine. It’s in his car, right, babe?”
Baylun didn’t say anything as he put his hand on her cheek like she was a child. She stared at him, as if in a trance. He didn’t purr audibly but that’s the best way I can describe his facial expression. Then I looked him in the eyes and the silence that followed hurt my ears.
A wave of panic immobilized me. I looked away and struggled to put on the sweater.
When he spoke, he whispered but it felt like thunder to my ears. “Perhaps a heavier outer layer?”
Martine snapped back into reality. “You look cold. Grab a hoodie, we’ll meet you in the car.”
That was the out I needed. “You know what, I feel awful. Go ahead, enjoy. I’ll take cold meds and try to be awake when you get back, to hear all about it.” To convey sadness at missing out on being a third wheel and resigned acceptance of impending illness, I grimaced and shrugged.
Martine considered me for a moment before agreeing. She leaned gently against Baylun’s arm and squeezed his hand. “Could we be back in an hour, babe?”
He turned his full attention on her and nodded. “Yes. We will. Goodbye, Lise.”
I thought about saying goodbye and decided a coughing fit would be more suitable. As I covered my mouth with my left elbow, I waved weakly with my right hand. The two lovebirds got into the car and when I heard it backing down the driveway, I poured a couple of teaspoons of night time anti-cold liquid down the sink. To make sure I smelled like I’d taken it, I licked the spoon before washing it.
When they returned, Martine walked in at a slower pace than usual and Baylun put his arm under hers as soon as they were both inside, so she could lean on him. She didn’t seem upset. She also didn’t make eye contact with me. My first thought was she had a bit too much wine, but we’ve had drinks together. She’s always been a little louder, a little more animated after a bit of alcohol. I started wondering if she’d consumed something other than wine while stargazing. Not judging, just trying to find an explanation that didn’t scare me about her health.
Instead of speaking to me, Baylun nodded and continued supporting Martine, helping her through the house. I reasoned he was taking her to the bathroom or her bedroom, so I squeezed in beside him and ran to open her bedroom door. Baylun led her to the far side of her bed so he was facing me, and helped her to lie down.
Except he didn’t lay her down right away. He held her halfway between standing and lying down, stared into my eyes and put his mouth on her neck.
I know how this sounds. My brain undoubtedly recognized the set-up. Yet I was unprepared for what happened.
Baylun retracted his lips, revealing two bloody fangs and touched Martine’s neck as if searching for something. Just before his fingers found them, I saw two wounds on her neck. He positioned his fingers so his fangs went into the wounds. Martine shuddered for a second, then sighed and stopped moving.
I inhaled sharply. Nothing made sense and I couldn’t remember how to move. When I realized my hand was still on the door handle, I leaned on it slightly, turned and ran to the front door.
Baylun met me there. I didn’t hear him walking or running. He wasn’t at the door and then he was, positioned to prevent me from opening it. He wasn’t frowning. He didn’t lean towards me or touch me, for which I was grateful.
But his eyes. They sparkled, they were bright and lively, and they were wrinkle-free. He looked my age, not middle aged. He looked like the guy I’d met an hour earlier, only younger.
I took a step backwards.
He took a step forward and spoke, his voice quiet and calm.
“If you say anything to her about what you saw, I will deny it and she will believe me. Then I will show you what it’s like to burn in hell.”
This was the second time in one night life handed me a “get out of trouble” card and I grabbed it with both hands. Frowning with the hopes of presenting as confused, I asked, “Okay, I thought it was very kind of you to bring her home, but I think I get it. What’s our story if she asks?”
He crossed his arms and studied me for a long moment. “I’m glad you understand. You can take credit for getting her into bed.”
I nodded and brought my left hand to my mouth, trying to look thoughtful. “And you asked her to text when she gets up tomorrow? Or is that too much?”
He chuckled and uncrossed his arms. “That’s just what I was thinking.” He stared at my mouth.
A rush of fear froze me in place. “Everything okay?”
“It will be.” He pointed at the right side of my mouth.
A sharp pain on the side of my face woke me up. It was still dark. I was in my bed. I tried sitting up and learned my pillowcase was stuck to the corner of my mouth.
Instant panic. I picked up the pillow and ran to the bathroom where a quick glance in the mirror above the sink revealed the substance wasn’t glue, it was blood. As awful as that was, my initial reaction was “Better than glue.” A little warm water on a face cloth eased the pillowcase off my skin and I set the case and face cloth on the counter.
For a brief moment I felt absolute relief. I held onto the sides of the sink and took a deep breath.
A drop of blood landed on the right side of the sink.
Blood could be from biting my lip, or inside of my cheek or even my tongue in my sleep. Or a nosebleed.
Another drop of blood landed on the sink.
It was so weird. Nothing hurt. Not my nose, not my lip, not my tongue. I struggled to figure out what I did, why I would be bleeding. Did I do something foolish before I went to bed?
I couldn’t remember going to bed.
Time to look in the mirror. There wasn’t any obvious damage, so I used my fingers to move my lips away from the right side of my mouth.
My canine tooth was missing. Another, sharper tooth was working its way out of the gums. That’s where the blood was coming from.
I leaned in and looked more closely at it. The emerging canine was definitely tearing through the gum, making it bleed.
A scream worked its way up my throat. I stood up, ramrod straight, shut my mouth and gently placed the face cloth on it.
I tiptoed down the hall to Martine’s bedroom door. It was shut. She was breathing in a regular pattern, not quite snoring.
I came back to my bedroom and checked my phone. 4:45 AM. When did I come to bed? Baylun was here, I remembered him with Martine and then at the door. Seems like he’s gone, unless he’s sitting in the dark in the living room or kitchen.
Any other day, Martine would be waking up in two hours. If she does, I don’t doubt she’ll be excited to hear Baylun wants her to text him.
I want to throw up. A few hours ago, life felt so normal. Now a giant canine tooth is pushing its way into my mouth. Maybe the other one is, too. I don’t care to find out. I also don’t want to go to the hospital where I’ll run out of answers before the staff run out of questions.
Maybe I can take a couple of days off work, see if the new dental situation affects my sleep schedule. Maybe I can find a night job.
Or maybe I’m a vampire, condemned to a life of hunting humans and being hunted by humans. I’m going to wait until Martine gets up before posting this. She might have a lot more information on this.
My mind is clearer now. My memories are back. It’s time for me to disappear from Martine’s and my Aunt Gloria’s lives. I can do it. I must do it. For their safety, and for mine. Everything is not okay. Not yet.

Husband wife dispute problem solution in tamil Marriage is a sacred institution that brings two souls together, but it’s not uncommon for the flames of love and harmony to flicker and dim over time. As the complexities of daily life and the demands of modern society take their toll, disagreements and misunderstandings can arise, leaving couples feeling frustrated, disconnected, and even despairing. In the midst of this chaos, the voice of wisdom and guidance is often sought, and for those who speak the Tamil language, astrologer Abdullah Khadim offers a beacon of hope and insight. In this enlightening blog post, we will delve into the timeless wisdom of Marital Harmony in Tamil, as revealed by Astrologer Abdullah Khadim, and uncover effortless solutions to common husband-wife dispute problems, helping couples to rekindle the love and harmony that once brought them together.

Introduction to the concept of marital harmony in Tamil

As the ancient Tamil proverb goes, “Marriage is a journey of ups and downs, but harmony is the key to a happy and fulfilling life.” In the midst of this beautiful journey, disputes and conflicts are inevitable, but it is how we navigate these challenges that defines the success of our union. In this blog post, we will delve into the concept of marital harmony in Tamil, as revealed by the renowned astrologer, Abdullah Khadim. With his expert guidance, we will uncover the secrets to resolving husband-wife disputes and maintaining a peaceful and loving relationship.
In Tamil culture, marriage is considered a sacred institution, and the well-being of the family is deeply rooted in the harmony of the husband and wife. However, the pressures of modern life, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations can often lead to friction and disagreements. It is in these moments that we need to seek guidance from those who have mastered the art of marital harmony. Husband wife dispute problem solution in tamil
Abdullah Khadim, a respected astrologer with years of experience, has spent his career studying the intricacies of marital relationships and the ancient Tamil traditions that can help couples achieve harmony. Through his astute observations and insightful advice, we will discover the effortless solutions to common husband-wife dispute problems, and learn how to cultivate a deeper understanding and love for each other.
In this post, we will explore the concept of marital harmony in Tamil, and how it can be applied to everyday life. We will examine the different types of disputes that can arise in a marriage, and how to resolve them using Abdullah Khadim’s expert advice. Whether you’re facing challenges in your relationship or simply seeking to strengthen your bond with your partner, this blog post will provide you with the tools and wisdom to achieve a harmonious and fulfilling marriage.

The importance of understanding each other’s perspectives

In the intricate tapestry of marital harmony, understanding each other’s perspectives is the thread that weaves together the delicate fabric of a successful relationship. Astrologer Abdullah Khadim, a renowned expert in the realm of marital harmony, emphasizes the pivotal role that empathy and comprehension play in resolving the most contentious of disputes. When couples fail to grasp the underlying motivations and emotions driving their partner’s actions, misunderstandings and hurtful words can escalate, leading to a rift that’s difficult to bridge.
In his extensive experience, Astrologer Khadim has seen firsthand how a lack of understanding can lead to a sense of isolation and disconnection, ultimately eroding the foundation of trust and communication that’s essential for a healthy marriage. By taking the time to actively listen to each other’s concerns, and to genuinely seek to comprehend the other’s perspective, couples can diffuse the tension and create a safe and supportive environment where conflicts can be resolved in a constructive and respectful manner. With this crucial skill in place, even the most seemingly insurmountable disputes can be overcome, paving the way for a life of harmony, love, and mutual understanding.

Common issues that lead to husband-wife disputes

The sacred bond of marriage, woven together with love, trust, and commitment. Yet, like the delicate threads of a tapestry, it can be easily frayed by the whispers of discord and misunderstandings. In the pursuit of marital harmony, it is essential to identify the root causes of husband-wife disputes, that they may be addressed with the gentle touch of understanding and compassion. Husband wife dispute problem solution in tamil
As revealed by the insightful astrologer, Abdullah Khadim, common issues that often lead to husband-wife disputes are far more numerous than one may initially suspect. These may include the age-old struggles of differing opinions, the stress of financial burdens, and the challenges of communication breakdown. The imperceptible shifts in emotional dynamics, such as the changes that occur with the passage of time, can also contribute to the growing rift between two loving souls.
But, dear readers, take heart! For it is not the problems that define the strength of a marriage, but rather the willingness to confront and overcome them. By acknowledging the presence of these issues, couples can embark on a journey of self-discovery, empathy, and growth, ultimately leading to a deeper and more profound understanding of one another. In the words of the wise astrologer, Abdullah Khadim, “A harmonious marriage is not the absence of conflicts, but the ability to navigate them with love and compassion.”

The role of astrology in understanding marital relationships

In the intricate dance of marital harmony, understanding the celestial rhythms that govern our relationships is a vital step towards achieving effortless solutions to husband-wife dispute problems. As revealed by renowned astrologer Abdullah Khadim, the ancient science of astrology holds the key to unlocking the mysteries of marital relationships. By examining the planetary positions and alignments of both partners, astrology can provide valuable insights into the dynamics of their union, revealing the underlying causes of conflicts and disharmony.
According to Khadim, astrology can help identify the areas of tension and stress in a marriage, allowing couples to address these issues proactively and prevent them from escalating into full-blown disputes. Moreover, astrology can provide guidance on how to navigate the complexities of the relationship, offering practical advice on communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence.
Astrology can also help couples recognize and appreciate the unique strengths and weaknesses of each partner, fostering a deeper understanding and empathy for one another. By acknowledging and honoring their individual planetary signatures, couples can cultivate a more harmonious and balanced relationship, free from the turmoil of disputes and conflicts. As Khadim wisely notes, “Astrology is not just a tool for understanding ourselves, but also for understanding our relationships with others.” By embracing this wisdom, couples can embark on a journey of marital harmony, guided by the celestial rhythms that govern their union. Husband wife dispute problem solution in tamil

The importance of understanding one’s own birth chart

As Astrologer Abdullah Khadim so astutely points out, the key to resolving marital disputes lies not only in understanding the intricacies of one’s partner but also in gaining insight into one’s own birth chart. A person’s birth chart is a unique map of their personality, strengths, and weaknesses, and by understanding its intricacies, one can gain a profound understanding of their own thoughts, emotions, and actions. This self-awareness is crucial in navigating the complexities of a marital relationship, as it allows individuals to recognize and address their own shortcomings, thereby reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings and conflicts.
By studying one’s own birth chart, an individual can gain valuable insights into their emotional and psychological makeup, which can help them better understand their own motivations and behaviors. This, in turn, can lead to greater empathy and understanding towards their partner, allowing them to respond more effectively to their needs and concerns. Moreover, understanding one’s own birth chart can also help identify areas of compatibility and potential areas of conflict, enabling couples to proactively address issues and work towards building a stronger, more harmonious relationship.
As Astrologer Abdullah Khadim emphasizes, understanding one’s own birth chart is an essential step in the journey towards marital harmony, and one that requires patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to learn and grow. By taking the time to explore and understand one’s own birth chart, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious marriage.

How to identify and resolve communication issues

As the renowned astrologer, Abdullah Khadim, so eloquently puts it, “Communication is the backbone of a harmonious marriage”. In the intricate dance of marital relationships, the ability to converse effectively is often the most overlooked yet crucial aspect of building a strong bond between husband and wife. It is during these moments of communication breakdown that the subtle nuances of the zodiac can serve as a guiding light, illuminating the path to resolution.
To identify and resolve communication issues, it is essential to tune into the subtle energies that govern our interactions. According to Abdullah Khadim, a thorough understanding of the astrological aspects of the individual can reveal the underlying reasons for the communication breakdown. For instance, a mismatch between the two partners’ moon signs can lead to emotional misunderstandings, while a stellium of planets in the 7th house can indicate a tendency towards conflict.
By recognizing the astrological patterns at play, couples can take steps to address the root causes of their communication issues. This may involve practicing active listening, empathy, and effective conflict resolution techniques. With the guidance of Abdullah Khadim’s expert insights, couples can learn to navigate the complexities of their relationship, fostering a deeper understanding and harmony that can only be achieved through the harmonious union of husband and wife.

The impact of planetary positions on marital relationships

As the ancient art of astrology has long revealed, the positions of celestial bodies in our universe can have a profound impact on the delicate balance of our personal relationships, including the most sacred of unions – marriage. Astrologer Abdullah Khadim, an expert in deciphering the mystical forces that shape our lives, emphasizes the significance of planetary positions in understanding and resolving marital disputes. Husband wife dispute problem solution in tamil
In this regard, the positioning of the planets can either exacerbate or mitigate the tensions that arise in a marriage. For instance, when the malefic planet, Mars, is in a dominant position, it can stir up anger, aggression, and hostility, leading to conflicts and power struggles between the couple. Conversely, when the benevolent planet, Venus, is prominent, it can foster love, compassion, and understanding, promoting harmony and unity in the relationship.
Similarly, the positioning of the Moon, which rules over the emotions, can also have a profound impact on the emotional dynamics of a marriage. When the Moon is in a favorable position, it can bring emotional balance, empathy, and understanding, allowing the couple to navigate the challenges of married life with ease and harmony. On the other hand, when the Moon is in a challenging position, it can lead to emotional turmoil, insecurity, and mood swings, causing tension and conflict in the relationship.
By understanding the planetary positions and their impact on the couple’s relationship, astrologer Abdullah Khadim offers a unique perspective on how to address and resolve the complexities of marital life, ultimately leading to a more harmonious and fulfilling union. Husband wife dispute problem solution in tamil
https://abdullahkhadim.com/husband-wife-dispute-problem-solution-in-tamil/

To clarify, I now know that there are different definitions of the word “ship”, but for the purposes of this article and to keep things simple I will use the definition of “a relationship that’s rushed and/or forced with no real development.” I hope you can understand as I do not know of any other single word to describe that concept. If you do, perhaps you can tell me. Also, fair warning, this is long form content (some 10 pages), if you like it but can’t read it all at once you can save it and come back to it over a period of time, or you can stop reading whenever you get tired of it and still discuss those parts of it with me that you have read. But keep it civil if you want a civil response.
With that, to qualify the title, no, Ezra and Sabine do NOT absolutely have to be a couple, but if they were to become one, it would NOT be a ship. Ezra and Sabine’s relationship has had years of development. Could they remain as simply friends? Yes, but ironically, it was their “friendship” that felt like more of a ship. It felt like the Ahsoka show, helmed by Dave Filoni, was going out of its way to tell us: “no, they’re not a couple, they’re just friends.”
I believe that Filoni made some very poor writing choices to stress something that didn’t really need to be stressed, such that it almost felt like he was in denial. The line “I love you like a sister” was never in Rebels, Filoni essentially had that retconned in, and like many I was put off by their (largely) emotionless reunion. Even if they were “just friends” I believe there would be a great deal more emotion displayed between two people that hadn’t seen each other in some ten years, especially when one of them was in a precarious situation when they parted. I also believe Ezra would be far more curious about Sabine being Force sensitive, perhaps even offering to help train her when she told him that her training hadn’t gone as well with Ahsoka. He did help to train her with the Darksaber, didn’t he? Why that never came up is another discussion, but for now, let’s focus on shipping.
In case you think I’m desperate to have them as a couple, no I’m not. I’m about the furthest thing from it. Like many millennials and Gen-Z’ers (and perhaps some Gen-Xers and boomers) I DESPISE shipping. Absolutely DESPISE it. With a flaming passion. Perhaps for this reason, and maybe some others, like many millennials and Gen-Z’ers (and perhaps some Gen-Xers and boomers), I’m generally wary of nearly all romance in fiction, and generally avoid it in my own work. The sad reality is that romance is perhaps the most abused genre in all of fiction, all throughout history. It has been so badly abused that many people, including myself for the longest time, have equated romance with shipping, though I’m slowly beginning to see that they are not the same thing, and one does not necessarily have to go with the other.
But sadly, many writers, through time immemorial, have not been able to separate them, going back into ancient times and perhaps even into pre-history, that is before languages were actually written down. Some of what is considered great literature; classics like Romeo and Juliet, are predicated on shipping, though at least the consequences of this “whirlwind romance” are shown to be fairly stark. Star Wars itself is no stranger to shipping, resulting in a very awkward incestuous kiss when Luke was shipped with Leia, then Leia was placed with Han and Lucas made Luke and Leia brother and sister, apparently having forgotten his original ship. Later Lucas essentially shipped Anakin and Padme, resulting in some of the most cringeworthy dialog in the history of film. Many fans of the Prequels even have been somewhat critical of Anakin’s portrayal, particularly in regards to the “romantic” scenes, with many describing them as “creepy”. Some have speculated that this was intentional, though personally I think it was just the result of bad writing on the part of George Lucas, and an impatience on his part for Anakin and Padme to become a couple, hence “shipping”.
One might wonder why this is so prevalent in fiction, and tragically, one does not have to look far. Fiction is merely a reflection of reality, therefore the reason that shipping is so common in our stories is that we fall so easily into it in real life. Indeed, entire cultures may be based around shipping, or at least very heavily wrapped up in it. Throughout history arranged marriages have been the norm, and the idea of marrying for “love” is something relatively new. To be fair, I’ve actually met people in arranged marriages who seemed to be fairly happy, but those same people were very open in telling me that many despise that aspect of their culture, and that it is quite normal for those in an arranged marriage to try to get out.
People might come together for “love” without marrying, but even then it often creates expectations that might turn into a burden. Even when a marriage is voluntary and for “love”, people are often left unsatisfied, such that today in the West the divorce rate is something like 50%. Happy, stable, long term relationships seem to be the exception across cultures and across the breadth and width of time. And yet pursuit of love and some kind of relationship seems to be the highest calling for many people, both in real life and in fiction. And it could be that the accumulated disgust is finally starting to boil over.
To be fair, this may not be the first time in history that the pendulum has shifted. You may recall that in Victorian times attitudes changed drastically, as compared to the previously bawdy Elizabethan times. Looking at a play from Shakespear, if you can understand the language, you’ll see all kinds of vulgar references, as well as what I believe are fairly sappy romances like in the aforementioned Romeo and Juliet, though I can’t say for certain whether Shakespear was actually endorsing that type of attitude towards “love” or presenting it as a cautionary tale, maybe even something to be ridiculed in some of his other plays.
But regardless, Victorians as you may well know had a very conservative attitude towards anything to do with romance, and would often avoid the subject in many places, or tread very carefully around it, as if walking on eggshells. It’s not that people stopped being romantic, in fiction or real life, but it was treated as something very serious and even dangerous, with many urges repressed or even suppressed entirely. This had all kinds of effects on society, both positive and negative. On the positive side, it reinforced the ideal of people being committed to their partners, and of marriage as a sacred institution rather than a “casual hookup” as was more common in Elizabethan times. Likewise it reinforced ideals of modesty and chastity, which may be coming back into vogue, though under different names. But just as there were positive aspects to these attitudes, so were there negative ones.
Just because the urges I described were repressed did not mean that they disappeared. In fact, they often morphed into things that many would consider “unhealthy”. From one statistic that I saw, in Victorian times about one in every 60 houses was a brothel, with the modern rate being closer to one in 6000. Additionally, the rights of women were often repressed, such that they could not fully express themselves and find their own identity, and path in life, as individuals. Just as Elizabethan ideals gave way to Victorian ones, so did the Victorian ideals gradually begin to erode.
Perhaps it began with the Jazz Age of the 1920’s (the “Roaring Twenties”), or with the increased interconnectivity of people traveling to different parts of the world during World War I, not to mention the cynicism that pervaded throughout the West in response to failed old ideals leading to the deadliest war in history up to that point, but many Victorian ideals began to be seen as a joke, and even resented for their “oppression”, which to be fair was not entirely unjustified. But regardless, people gradually, and at times not so gradually, became more and more “liberated” and promiscuous. This culminated in the Sexual Revolution in the late 1960’s, when what had previously been seen as a vice and even a sin was now seen as not only “normal” but as a healthy form of expression, a virtue even. And just as these ideas were embraced in real life, so too were they reflected in our films, TV shows, and other media, often to the consternation of older people and institutions, like the Vatican. The Catholic Church even went so far as to “ban” certain films, that is to declare them immoral for good Catholics to watch. Many of the films that were banned back then, or at least controversial, like The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman, are fairly tame by today’s standards.
It continued through the 70’s, at times warming and at times cooling through the rest of the century, until you could argue it reached a kind of crescendo in the early 21st century with the advent of so-called “dark romance” and the publication of books like Fifty Shades of Grey. (Ironically, many of the themes within this “dark romance” can trace their roots back to the Victorian era, yet another indication that repressing urges without addressing them often doesn’t work out as one might hope.) But as happens all too often, just as something reaches peak popularity is when it begins to go out of style, and that is what we may be experiencing right now. As weird as it may sound, we may actually have come full circle and may be on the cusp of a “New Victorian Age” (complete with “dark romance”, even). Web sites like Porn Hub and OnlyFans, as well as other similar sites, may be the new “brothels”, and what was once openly celebrated may be going underground, to an extent. The effects of this on society have been interesting to say the least, and at times I would even say bizarre.
Whilst many younger people seem content with these changes, many older people are concerned. I’ve seen a number of books, films, and other media receive positive reviews for example based specifically on their lack of romance. Many of these books/films, etc. fall into the “young adult” category, meaning that it is young adults obviously who mostly consume them. At the same time I’ve heard a number of older people, mostly boomers and Gen-Xers, criticize these same books/films for their lack of romance. Even some older millennials seem upset by the changes, as perhaps evidenced by Jennifer Lawrence’s latest film No Hard Feelings (though to be fair that film may be lampooning the older generation’s frustration as well as the younger generation’s frigidity). So just as in the past older people were concerned about the promiscuity of the youth, now it actually appears that many older people are concerned about the youth’s lack of promiscuity.
Who could have seen that coming? But to be fair, the younger generation hasn’t gone completely frigid. As stated earlier, much of the promiscuity has gone “underground”, or online, which many would argue is not very healthy as it might undermine actual relationships, whether they are romantic in nature or simple friendships. And speaking of that, friendships within stories nowadays often aren’t portrayed in a very authentic or compelling manner, perhaps because in ditching romance modern writers haven’t quite yet learned how to replace it with something else. In other words, the “New Victorian Age” may not be an exact repeat of the previous one, but may have its own twists and turns, for better and for worse.
This may all essentially be a manifestation of the Human Condition, in that we just can’t seem to find a happy medium, neither in real life nor in fiction. Thus we keep swinging from one extreme to the other, apparently getting wilder with each swing.
So where does all this leave us? What is it that we really want in our lives, and in our stories? Especially in regards to relationships? I think at some level we all want to see good and healthy relationships between people and/or characters, whether romantic or platonic. I believe at some point we would like to see good examples of both friendship and romance, and I would argue that the best examples of romance have them combined. Even a toxic relationship, if well portrayed or documented, can be instructive and serve as a good example of what to avoid in our lives that we might be happier and relate better to each other. A good relationship, by contrast, can give us something to aspire to and inspire us to not only look for the right kind of person to complement our lives, but to make ourselves worthy of that person. And here I’ll add that I’m perfectly aware that in real life (and thus in fiction) relationships can be very complicated and heavily nuanced, with elements of both “good” and “bad” in them. Just as people change over time so can the relationships between them change, at times getting better and at times worse, sometimes breaking entirely and sometimes growing stronger. Relationships can have just as many layers and dimensions as characters, more even perhaps, and a skilled writer should be able to reflect this complexity. At other times a relationship can be fairly straightforward, simplicity sometimes being the best approach. But regardless, the audience should be able to relate and identify with what they are seeing, such that hopefully they can incorporate the lessons from it in their own lives.
Where can we find good examples of relationships to study? There may be a number of them in the real world, but the trouble with studying real world relationships is that they’re often much more complicated than fictional ones (just as real people are more complicated than fictional characters), and for many of them it is almost impossible to know all the details and nuances because they are often kept private, understandably so, and even if they aren’t it can still be difficult, due to unique circumstances, to see how to relate them to our own lives. Additionally there may be far more disagreement about a real life situation than a fictional one, with many more points of view. To keep things simple, for the purpose of this article I would like to focus on fictional relationships. (And fair warning, there will be some spoilers.)
One of the best places to look, I would argue, would be the films of Hayao Miyazaki. (And this is pretty significant to Star Wars as you will see in a bit.) A film of his that stands out to me the most is Princess Mononoke. Like many of Miyazaki’s films it has elements of romance, and yet subverts them in a way that makes complete sense and feels very genuine, without taking away from any of the accompanying charm. It starts with two young people, San and Ashitaka, and as soon as they encounter each other there is a kind of expectation of romance. This may be inevitable to some degree when you have a man and a woman of about the same age encounter each other in a story, especially if they happen to be adolescents. The expectation may not be inherently bad, and Miyazaki does play with it. Both characters are thrust into dangerous situations, at various points end up saving each other’s lives, and at a certain point I think it is obvious that they have feelings for each other. I was certain that at the end of the film, they would be together, and if things had gone that way, it would make complete sense. Instead, they go in different directions, but remain good friends, and considering their backgrounds and differing worldviews, this ends up making even more sense to the story.
Essentially, Miyazaki could have gone for the more conventional, tried and true “love conquers all” narrative, where the characters’ feelings for each other would negate everything that comes between them, they would somehow find a common ground in spite of their differences, the romance would not only take over the narrative but somehow also solve all the problems in the story, and then the couple would live “happily ever after”. Such an approach is not inherently bad or wrong, and is fairly common in Western media and storytelling. We can see it in films like Fern Gully, and more recently James Cameron’s Avatar, both of which have been compared to Princess Mononoke. As you can probably guess, the problem is that at a certain point such a narrative can become fairly simplistic, and lack nuance.
Miyazaki’s films, by contrast, are very heavily nuanced, and are anything but simplistic. In Princess Mononoke the characters San and Ashitaka don’t help each other simply because they are “in love”, but because it is the right thing to do, regardless of how they might feel about each other. Yes, romantic feelings are certainly alluded to, but they are not essential to the plot, for it could have worked just as well without any romantic allusions. And ironically, this makes those allusions even more valid, even if they are unrequited. How so?
Consider that if love is essential to a given narrative, is it not relegated to being nothing more than a plot device? Again, this is quite common in Western media and storytelling, and is not inherently bad or wrong, but when it becomes a trope or cliche, I believe it is the essence of where shipping comes from. Many storytellers get caught up in this, usually without realizing it, and while a story can still work even with shipping, I believe that it usually works that much better without it.
This extends not only to Miyazaki’s handling of romance but also to other things like environmentalism, the conflict between man and nature, and the contrasting ideals of human progress vs. preserving the natural order. Movies like Fern Gully and Avatar, as already mentioned, handle these themes in a fairly simplistic and I would even say hamfisted manner, whereby all progress and technology is shown as being inherently “bad” and in service to “evil”, while everything that’s “natural” is shown to be inherently “good”. Even our notions of good and evil, and right vs. wrong, are challenged by Miyazaki, with nearly all of his characters having complex motives and multiple dimensions to them, as well as understandable reasons for doing the things that they do. Rarely can any one of his characters be branded as a simple “villain”, and rarely is any one individual the source of conflict in his stories, again in contrast to most Western narratives.
I’ll reiterate once more, a simple, straightforward narrative is not inherently a bad thing, whether the themes being dealt with are romantic or anything else. Sometimes it is in fact the best approach. But the best stories in my opinion are usually the most nuanced, that challenge our notions of what we believe to be true, and that force us to think about what we do with our lives and what we could do differently. To that end Miyazaki introduces all manner of themes and motifs within his films that are familiar to us but shows them in a light most of us might not have considered, thus giving more dimension to our understanding of things.
“How is any of this related to Star Wars?” you might ask. It is quite related, and you don’t even have to look all that closely to see it. A very influential figure within Star Wars was very heavily inspired by the works of Miyazaki, and that figure is Dave Filoni.
This video shows the connections in some detail:
https://youtu.be/Q_4L0BbSpHo?si=04jDo6qFCnZT135w
But to summarize if you’ve seen any of Miyazaki’s films, especially Princess Mononoke, I think the callbacks in Filoni’s work will be all too obvious, especially in Star Wars Rebels. Some of the scenes in Filoni’s work look like they were taken directly from Miyazki’s films, and many of the same themes and motifs often come up. The relationship between San and Ashitaka I would argue is very similar to the relationship between Ezra and Sabine, and not just because both couples rode wolves together.
Incidentally, Dave Filoni was also heavily involved in Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I would also argue was at least to some degree inspired if not by Miyazaki then by Japanese anime in general. The relationship between Aang and Katara was developed with great care and was allowed to build very slowly, as opposed to simply shipping them. Likewise other characters very gradually developed as individuals and in their relationships, at times stumbling as they did so, and making mistakes, before finding their way back to the right path.
All of this is in stark contrast to George Lucas, whose character development is often very rushed at best, and at times some might say almost non-existent. So essentially, even though Lucas has said that Filoni has been “like a son” to him, and I believe referred to Filoni as his “padawan”, I would argue that Filoni is ultimately as much a student of Miyazaki as he is of Lucas.
Again, you might ask, “What does all this mean for Star Wars?” It means a great many things. It means that Dave Filoni has taken Miyazaki’s lessons to heart, and can handle things like romance, as well as other kinds of relationships, quite well most of the time. Like Miyazaki he can play with romance, tease the audience with it at times even, leave the romance unrequited, and yet still have it feel satisfying. A prime example of this is the love triangle that Ahsoka was involved in with the young Separatist Senator, Lux Bonteri, and Steela Gerrera. As wary as I am of romance and as much as I despise shipping, love triangles I normally despise even more, but this one seemed to actually work. It never took over the main story, and even though Ahsoka’s feelings were ultimately not reciprocated, she still learned from the experience, and grew and developed further as a character because of it. The other characters involved in this triangle also grew and developed from their involvement, though unfortunately not all of them made it. All in all it was a good bit of storytelling and gave the audience something to consider.
When a relationship in one of Filoni’s stories does bloom into a full blown romance he also generally handles it quite well. For one Filoni is sparing with actual romance, so that when it does occur, it can be that much more appreciated. And rather than rushing or shipping it, Filoni normally takes his time to build it up. An example of this is the relationship between Kanan and Hera. Some might argue that this is perhaps the best developed romance in all of Star Wars, at least in Canon. Built up over four seasons, at times it wasn’t certain whether it was a romance or a friendship, or perhaps even a professional partnership. Perhaps even the characters themselves were not certain, though it was hinted all throughout the narrative that something was going on. To this day I don’t believe anyone can say definitively when it became an actual romance, and I believe Filoni did this intentionally because he wanted to be subtle, rather than making things too obvious and having the romance take over the narrative, as it usually does. When it finally did become obvious as to what was happening, it felt very much earned, in a way that is seldom accomplished in other works of fiction, including Star Wars.
The relationship between Ezra and Sabine was also fairly well written, for the most part anyway, at least in Star Wars Rebels. Ezra was almost immediately smitten with Sabine, but being a young teenage boy, it was understandable that he would feel that way about an attractive girl. Over time he learned to see her more respectfully, as a colleague and even as part of his adopted family, not just as a pretty face. Sabine for her part found Ezra annoying at first (c’mon, what teenage boy isn’t?), but as he matured and she found out more about him she came to understand and respect him more, and see him as a friend and almost a brother, with there being potential for something more.
There were times when the relationship could have been better written, like in the episode “Blood Sisters”, where Ezra was written to be a bit too immature to make Sabine look wiser. But overall, the bond between them developed fairly well; both saved one another at various times, and took risks and made sacrifices for each other’s sake. Both reassured and comforted the other when they needed it, and it was endearing to hear their banter when they became more familiar and trusting of each other.
So why then was I so disappointed in how they were portrayed in the Ahsoka show? The thing is, after how well their relationship was built up in Rebels, as I’ve already mentioned it was strange to see how lackluster and uninspired their reunion was.
Within the Ahsoka show itself Sabine was shown to be almost obsessed with finding Ezra, living in what used to be his home, watching a recording of him over and over again, and calling out his name as she woke up in the middle of the night. She even risked bringing Thrawn back into the Galaxy, which ultimately happened, just so she could see Ezra again. After all that, when she finally does encounter him, her reaction seems fairly casual, as does his, as if they’ve been apart for no more than a week, rather than 10 years. Not too much happens between them afterwards either. Like I said Ezra does not appear all that curious about what happened with Sabine, how she found him, and how it was that she was now Force sensitive. Sabine likewise did not seem curious about what had happened with Ezra, and how he had gotten away from Thrawn. And with Ezra rescued and returned home, suddenly it didn’t seem as though Sabine was all that interested in him anymore, nor he all that concerned with her, though they were just as far apart as they had been at the start of the show. To be completely honest it made me wonder what the point of the whole show was. Were they just working to set up Thrawn’s return to the Galaxy? As some have said, Ezra felt like nothing more than a Macguffin in the show. Was Sabine and Ahsoka’s search for him just a plot device?
Considering how skillfully Dave Filoni had written his stories in the past, what happened in this latest project of his does not make much sense. Was he so concerned about “shipping” and so desperate to avoid it that he inadvertently “shipped” them in the other direction? Was there some sort of external pressure on him about how to write this story to have more of an appeal to “modern audiences”? Maybe some combination of those factors?
And here I’ll add that when I say “modern audiences” I don’t mean that in a contemptuous sense, though you may think I do. If there is any contempt on my part it is for those in charge of telling our stories, or those in charge of those telling our stories, who do not seem to grasp these basic truths. The truth is that audiences at their core don’t really change throughout the ages, only superficially so. Trends come and go but certain truths and ideals are eternal, and universal. How people relate to each other fundamentally does not change, whether they are friends, or more than friends. And deep down, I believe everyone (or nearly everyone at least) wants the same things. Nearly everyone at some point wants some kind of a connection with another human being, to know that they are not alone in the world, and to know that there is someone else who sees and understands things as they do. While this desire can certainly lead to abuse, and absolutely has, it is still innate to us and is not inherently wrong. Finding ways of connecting and relating to other people is one of the great challenges of life, but many would argue it is the most worthwhile of challenges. It may be the whole point of life if you think about it. As complex as it may be, many would argue it is what makes life worth living, and likewise makes for the best stories. Just as it may be the whole point of life many would say that is what most stories are about at their core: people trying to relate to one another.
Sadly, just as in real life, most stories unfortunately don’t quite get it, and the Ahsoka show in my opinion was an example of this, made all the sadder by the fact that Dave Filoni had done quite well with these characters up to that point. We may never know for certain what exactly went wrong and why, or if it can ever be “fixed” at this point, but I can’t help but feel curious. Maybe in the future Filoni will find a way to make it make sense, but I’m not sure how. And to be completely honest I don’t feel quite as enthusiastic to find out as I used to.
Also for the record I would like to add here that there are other factors that put me off from the show, such as Sabine’s Force sensitivity, that came about without much build up. But in this article I specifically wanted to focus on shipping because there seems to be so much misunderstanding around it.
I hope that I was able to clarify some, if not most of this misunderstanding, so that people could better appreciate what shipping is, where it comes from, as well as what it isn’t. Many people today are understandably sick of shipping characters, myself included. But I hope people realize that in overcompensating for something, we often come back around into the very thing that we are overcompensating for. Or sometimes, into something even worse. This may apply to nearly every facet of life, by the way, not just shipping. Finding a happy medium in how we portray our fictional relationships may help us to better understand relationships in real life, as well as how to navigate them. Neither fictional nor actual relationships can ever be perfect but they can always be better. To this understanding then I hope that I was able to give my own modest contribution, and if nothing else I hope we can connect on that.

For context, I’ve (m) dated my BPD partner (f) for a year or so. I’ve been her favorite person (FP) even before we started actually dating, as far as I’m aware. That’s what she told me. With that said, before me, she had an online FP best friend (male) she was close with and had kept in touch with for years. The guy is alledgedly in a different time zone and it’s only ever been platonic according to her. As far as I knew, she didn’t talk to this guy anymore.
Recently I found out she had got in touch with someone and they had been talking for a while. She never mentioned it to me that she’d been talking to him daily, I had to find out for myself. When confronted, she claims they talk and get close then don’t talk for a while again. That that’s how it goes and why she didn’t mention it to me or think anything was wrong with what she was doing. The messages looked bad and I immediately thought she was cheating on me. I still have trust issues over it, it’s been difficult.
I later found out this guy is her old FP. Why she didn’t mention that to me? I don’t know. I am overthinking and wondering what the hell all of this means. Any insight would be helpful. Thank you.

TLDR; my ex treated me terribly and I’m still trying to get over it.
This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

Couples therapy often faces a range of misconceptions that can prevent people from seeking the help they need. Here are some of the most common myths about couples therapy, along with the truths that dispel them:

Myth: Couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis.
- Truth: While therapy can certainly help couples in crisis, it is also beneficial for those who want to improve their relationship, enhance communication, or resolve minor conflicts before they become major issues. Seeking therapy early can prevent problems from escalating.
Myth: The therapist will take sides.
- Truth: A skilled couples therapist remains neutral and does not take sides. Their role is to facilitate open communication, help both partners understand each other's perspectives, and work towards mutually agreeable solutions.
Myth: Therapy is a last resort before divorce.
- Truth: Therapy can be a proactive measure to strengthen a relationship, not just a last-ditch effort to save it. Many couples who attend therapy find that it helps them reconnect and build a stronger foundation, even if divorce is not on the table.
Myth: Therapy will fix all our problems quickly.
- Truth: Couples therapy is a process that requires time, effort, and commitment from both partners. It's not a quick fix but rather a journey towards better understanding and improved dynamics.
Myth: Only one partner needs to change.
- Truth: Successful therapy typically involves both partners making changes. Relationships are dynamic, and both individuals often need to adjust behaviors and attitudes to improve their relationship.
Myth: Therapy is too expensive and not worth the investment.
- Truth: While therapy can be a financial investment, many people find that the benefits, such as improved communication, greater intimacy, and a healthier relationship, far outweigh the costs. Some therapists offer sliding scale fees, and some insurance plans cover therapy sessions.
Myth: Couples therapy is only for married couples.
- Truth: Couples therapy can benefit all types of relationships, including unmarried couples, same-sex couples, and those in non-traditional relationships. It's about improving the quality of the relationship, regardless of marital status.
Myth: Talking about problems will make them worse.
- Truth: Avoiding issues often leads to more significant problems down the line. Couples therapy provides a safe space to discuss and resolve issues constructively, which can lead to a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

By understanding and debunking these myths, couples can approach therapy with realistic expectations and an open mind, ultimately enhancing their relationship and personal well-being.

To clarify, I now know that there are different definitions of the word “ship”, but for the purposes of this article and to keep things simple I will use the definition of “a relationship that’s rushed and/or forced with no real development.” I hope you can understand as I do not know of any other single word to describe that concept. If you do, perhaps you can tell me. Also, fair warning, this is long form content (some 10 pages), if you like it but can’t read it all at once you can save it and come back to it over a period of time, or you can stop reading whenever you get tired of it and still discuss those parts of it with me that you have read. But keep it civil if you want a civil response.
With that, to qualify the title, no, Ezra and Sabine do NOT absolutely have to be a couple, but if they were to become one, it would NOT be a ship. Ezra and Sabine’s relationship has had years of development. Could they remain as simply friends? Yes, but ironically, it was their “friendship” that felt like more of a ship. It felt like the Ahsoka show, helmed by Dave Filoni, was going out of its way to tell us: “no, they’re not a couple, they’re just friends.”
I believe that Filoni made some very poor writing choices to stress something that didn’t really need to be stressed, such that it almost felt like he was in denial. The line “I love you like a sister” was never in Rebels, Filoni essentially had that retconned in, and like many I was put off by their (largely) emotionless reunion. Even if they were “just friends” I believe there would be a great deal more emotion displayed between two people that hadn’t seen each other in some ten years, especially when one of them was in a precarious situation when they parted. I also believe Ezra would be far more curious about Sabine being Force sensitive, perhaps even offering to help train her when she told him that her training hadn’t gone as well with Ahsoka. He did help to train her with the Darksaber, didn’t he? Why that never came up is another discussion, but for now, let’s focus on shipping.
In case you think I’m desperate to have them as a couple, no I’m not. I’m about the furthest thing from it. Like many millennials and Gen-Z’ers (and perhaps some Gen-Xers and boomers) I DESPISE shipping. Absolutely DESPISE it. With a flaming passion. Perhaps for this reason, and maybe some others, like many millennials and Gen-Z’ers (and perhaps some Gen-Xers and boomers), I’m generally wary of nearly all romance in fiction, and generally avoid it in my own work. The sad reality is that romance is perhaps the most abused genre in all of fiction, all throughout history. It has been so badly abused that many people, including myself for the longest time, have equated romance with shipping, though I’m slowly beginning to see that they are not the same thing, and one does not necessarily have to go with the other.
But sadly, many writers, through time immemorial, have not been able to separate them, going back into ancient times and perhaps even into pre-history, that is before languages were actually written down. Some of what is considered great literature; classics like Romeo and Juliet, are predicated on shipping, though at least the consequences of this “whirlwind romance” are shown to be fairly stark. Star Wars itself is no stranger to shipping, resulting in a very awkward incestuous kiss when Luke was shipped with Leia, then Leia was placed with Han and Lucas made Luke and Leia brother and sister, apparently having forgotten his original ship. Later Lucas essentially shipped Anakin and Padme, resulting in some of the most cringeworthy dialog in the history of film. Many fans of the Prequels even have been somewhat critical of Anakin’s portrayal, particularly in regards to the “romantic” scenes, with many describing them as “creepy”. Some have speculated that this was intentional, though personally I think it was just the result of bad writing on the part of George Lucas, and an impatience on his part for Anakin and Padme to become a couple, hence “shipping”.
One might wonder why this is so prevalent in fiction, and tragically, one does not have to look far. Fiction is merely a reflection of reality, therefore the reason that shipping is so common in our stories is that we fall so easily into it in real life. Indeed, entire cultures may be based around shipping, or at least very heavily wrapped up in it. Throughout history arranged marriages have been the norm, and the idea of marrying for “love” is something relatively new. To be fair, I’ve actually met people in arranged marriages who seemed to be fairly happy, but those same people were very open in telling me that many despise that aspect of their culture, and that it is quite normal for those in an arranged marriage to try to get out.
People might come together for “love” without marrying, but even then it often creates expectations that might turn into a burden. Even when a marriage is voluntary and for “love”, people are often left unsatisfied, such that today in the West the divorce rate is something like 50%. Happy, stable, long term relationships seem to be the exception across cultures and across the breadth and width of time. And yet pursuit of love and some kind of relationship seems to be the highest calling for many people, both in real life and in fiction. And it could be that the accumulated disgust is finally starting to boil over.
To be fair, this may not be the first time in history that the pendulum has shifted. You may recall that in Victorian times attitudes changed drastically, as compared to the previously bawdy Elizabethan times. Looking at a play from Shakespear, if you can understand the language, you’ll see all kinds of vulgar references, as well as what I believe are fairly sappy romances like in the aforementioned Romeo and Juliet, though I can’t say for certain whether Shakespear was actually endorsing that type of attitude towards “love” or presenting it as a cautionary tale, maybe even something to be ridiculed in some of his other plays.
But regardless, Victorians as you may well know had a very conservative attitude towards anything to do with romance, and would often avoid the subject in many places, or tread very carefully around it, as if walking on eggshells. It’s not that people stopped being romantic, in fiction or real life, but it was treated as something very serious and even dangerous, with many urges repressed or even suppressed entirely. This had all kinds of effects on society, both positive and negative. On the positive side, it reinforced the ideal of people being committed to their partners, and of marriage as a sacred institution rather than a “casual hookup” as was more common in Elizabethan times. Likewise it reinforced ideals of modesty and chastity, which may be coming back into vogue, though under different names. But just as there were positive aspects to these attitudes, so were there negative ones.
Just because the urges I described were repressed did not mean that they disappeared. In fact, they often morphed into things that many would consider “unhealthy”. From one statistic that I saw, in Victorian times about one in every 60 houses was a brothel, with the modern rate being closer to one in 6000. Additionally, the rights of women were often repressed, such that they could not fully express themselves and find their own identity, and path in life, as individuals. Just as Elizabethan ideals gave way to Victorian ones, so did the Victorian ideals gradually begin to erode.
Perhaps it began with the Jazz Age of the 1920’s (the “Roaring Twenties”), or with the increased interconnectivity of people traveling to different parts of the world during World War I, not to mention the cynicism that pervaded throughout the West in response to failed old ideals leading to the deadliest war in history up to that point, but many Victorian ideals began to be seen as a joke, and even resented for their “oppression”, which to be fair was not entirely unjustified. But regardless, people gradually, and at times not so gradually, became more and more “liberated” and promiscuous. This culminated in the Sexual Revolution in the late 1960’s, when what had previously been seen as a vice and even a sin was now seen as not only “normal” but as a healthy form of expression, a virtue even. And just as these ideas were embraced in real life, so too were they reflected in our films, TV shows, and other media, often to the consternation of older people and institutions, like the Vatican. The Catholic Church even went so far as to “ban” certain films, that is to declare them immoral for good Catholics to watch. Many of the films that were banned back then, or at least controversial, like The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman, are fairly tame by today’s standards.
It continued through the 70’s, at times warming and at times cooling through the rest of the century, until you could argue it reached a kind of crescendo in the early 21st century with the advent of so-called “dark romance” and the publication of books like Fifty Shades of Grey. (Ironically, many of the themes within this “dark romance” can trace their roots back to the Victorian era, yet another indication that repressing urges without addressing them often doesn’t work out as one might hope.) But as happens all too often, just as something reaches peak popularity is when it begins to go out of style, and that is what we may be experiencing right now. As weird as it may sound, we may actually have come full circle and may be on the cusp of a “New Victorian Age” (complete with “dark romance”, even). Web sites like Porn Hub and OnlyFans, as well as other similar sites, may be the new “brothels”, and what was once openly celebrated may be going underground, to an extent. The effects of this on society have been interesting to say the least, and at times I would even say bizarre.
Whilst many younger people seem content with these changes, many older people are concerned. I’ve seen a number of books, films, and other media receive positive reviews for example based specifically on their lack of romance. Many of these books/films, etc. fall into the “young adult” category, meaning that it is young adults obviously who mostly consume them. At the same time I’ve heard a number of older people, mostly boomers and Gen-Xers, criticize these same books/films for their lack of romance. Even some older millennials seem upset by the changes, as perhaps evidenced by Jennifer Lawrence’s latest film No Hard Feelings (though to be fair that film may be lampooning the older generation’s frustration as well as the younger generation’s frigidity). So just as in the past older people were concerned about the promiscuity of the youth, now it actually appears that many older people are concerned about the youth’s lack of promiscuity.
Who could have seen that coming? But to be fair, the younger generation hasn’t gone completely frigid. As stated earlier, much of the promiscuity has gone “underground”, or online, which many would argue is not very healthy as it might undermine actual relationships, whether they are romantic in nature or simple friendships. And speaking of that, friendships within stories nowadays often aren’t portrayed in a very authentic or compelling manner, perhaps because in ditching romance modern writers haven’t quite yet learned how to replace it with something else. In other words, the “New Victorian Age” may not be an exact repeat of the previous one, but may have its own twists and turns, for better and for worse.
This may all essentially be a manifestation of the Human Condition, in that we just can’t seem to find a happy medium, neither in real life nor in fiction. Thus we keep swinging from one extreme to the other, apparently getting wilder with each swing.
So where does all this leave us? What is it that we really want in our lives, and in our stories? Especially in regards to relationships? I think at some level we all want to see good and healthy relationships between people and/or characters, whether romantic or platonic. I believe at some point we would like to see good examples of both friendship and romance, and I would argue that the best examples of romance have them combined. Even a toxic relationship, if well portrayed or documented, can be instructive and serve as a good example of what to avoid in our lives that we might be happier and relate better to each other. A good relationship, by contrast, can give us something to aspire to and inspire us to not only look for the right kind of person to complement our lives, but to make ourselves worthy of that person. And here I’ll add that I’m perfectly aware that in real life (and thus in fiction) relationships can be very complicated and heavily nuanced, with elements of both “good” and “bad” in them. Just as people change over time so can the relationships between them change, at times getting better and at times worse, sometimes breaking entirely and sometimes growing stronger. Relationships can have just as many layers and dimensions as characters, more even perhaps, and a skilled writer should be able to reflect this complexity. At other times a relationship can be fairly straightforward, simplicity sometimes being the best approach. But regardless, the audience should be able to relate and identify with what they are seeing, such that hopefully they can incorporate the lessons from it in their own lives.
Where can we find good examples of relationships to study? There may be a number of them in the real world, but the trouble with studying real world relationships is that they’re often much more complicated than fictional ones (just as real people are more complicated than fictional characters), and for many of them it is almost impossible to know all the details and nuances because they are often kept private, understandably so, and even if they aren’t it can still be difficult, due to unique circumstances, to see how to relate them to our own lives. Additionally there may be far more disagreement about a real life situation than a fictional one, with many more points of view. To keep things simple, for the purpose of this article I would like to focus on fictional relationships. (And fair warning, there will be some spoilers.)
One of the best places to look, I would argue, would be the films of Hayao Miyazaki. (And this is pretty significant to Star Wars as you will see in a bit.) A film of his that stands out to me the most is Princess Mononoke. Like many of Miyazaki’s films it has elements of romance, and yet subverts them in a way that makes complete sense and feels very genuine, without taking away from any of the accompanying charm. It starts with two young people, San and Ashitaka, and as soon as they encounter each other there is a kind of expectation of romance. This may be inevitable to some degree when you have a man and a woman of about the same age encounter each other in a story, especially if they happen to be adolescents. The expectation may not be inherently bad, and Miyazaki does play with it. Both characters are thrust into dangerous situations, at various points end up saving each other’s lives, and at a certain point I think it is obvious that they have feelings for each other. I was certain that at the end of the film, they would be together, and if things had gone that way, it would make complete sense. Instead, they go in different directions, but remain good friends, and considering their backgrounds and differing worldviews, this ends up making even more sense to the story.
Essentially, Miyazaki could have gone for the more conventional, tried and true “love conquers all” narrative, where the characters’ feelings for each other would negate everything that comes between them, they would somehow find a common ground in spite of their differences, the romance would not only take over the narrative but somehow also solve all the problems in the story, and then the couple would live “happily ever after”. Such an approach is not inherently bad or wrong, and is fairly common in Western media and storytelling. We can see it in films like Fern Gully, and more recently James Cameron’s Avatar, both of which have been compared to Princess Mononoke. As you can probably guess, the problem is that at a certain point such a narrative can become fairly simplistic, and lack nuance.
Miyazaki’s films, by contrast, are very heavily nuanced, and are anything but simplistic. In Princess Mononoke the characters San and Ashitaka don’t help each other simply because they are “in love”, but because it is the right thing to do, regardless of how they might feel about each other. Yes, romantic feelings are certainly alluded to, but they are not essential to the plot, for it could have worked just as well without any romantic allusions. And ironically, this makes those allusions even more valid, even if they are unrequited. How so?
Consider that if love is essential to a given narrative, is it not relegated to being nothing more than a plot device? Again, this is quite common in Western media and storytelling, and is not inherently bad or wrong, but when it becomes a trope or cliche, I believe it is the essence of where shipping comes from. Many storytellers get caught up in this, usually without realizing it, and while a story can still work even with shipping, I believe that it usually works that much better without it.
This extends not only to Miyazaki’s handling of romance but also to other things like environmentalism, the conflict between man and nature, and the contrasting ideals of human progress vs. preserving the natural order. Movies like Fern Gully and Avatar, as already mentioned, handle these themes in a fairly simplistic and I would even say hamfisted manner, whereby all progress and technology is shown as being inherently “bad” and in service to “evil”, while everything that’s “natural” is shown to be inherently “good”. Even our notions of good and evil, and right vs. wrong, are challenged by Miyazaki, with nearly all of his characters having complex motives and multiple dimensions to them, as well as understandable reasons for doing the things that they do. Rarely can any one of his characters be branded as a simple “villain”, and rarely is any one individual the source of conflict in his stories, again in contrast to most Western narratives.
I’ll reiterate once more, a simple, straightforward narrative is not inherently a bad thing, whether the themes being dealt with are romantic or anything else. Sometimes it is in fact the best approach. But the best stories in my opinion are usually the most nuanced, that challenge our notions of what we believe to be true, and that force us to think about what we do with our lives and what we could do differently. To that end Miyazaki introduces all manner of themes and motifs within his films that are familiar to us but shows them in a light most of us might not have considered, thus giving more dimension to our understanding of things.
“How is any of this related to Star Wars?” you might ask. It is quite related, and you don’t even have to look all that closely to see it. A very influential figure within Star Wars was very heavily inspired by the works of Miyazaki, and that figure is Dave Filoni.
This video shows the connections in some detail:
https://youtu.be/Q_4L0BbSpHo?si=04jDo6qFCnZT135w
But to summarize if you’ve seen any of Miyazaki’s films, especially Princess Mononoke, I think the callbacks in Filoni’s work will be all too obvious, especially in Star Wars Rebels. Some of the scenes in Filoni’s work look like they were taken directly from Miyazki’s films, and many of the same themes and motifs often come up. The relationship between San and Ashitaka I would argue is very similar to the relationship between Ezra and Sabine, and not just because both couples rode wolves together.
Incidentally, Dave Filoni was also heavily involved in Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I would also argue was at least to some degree inspired if not by Miyazaki then by Japanese anime in general. The relationship between Aang and Katara was developed with great care and was allowed to build very slowly, as opposed to simply shipping them. Likewise other characters very gradually developed as individuals and in their relationships, at times stumbling as they did so, and making mistakes, before finding their way back to the right path.
All of this is in stark contrast to George Lucas, whose character development is often very rushed at best, and at times some might say almost non-existent. So essentially, even though Lucas has said that Filoni has been “like a son” to him, and I believe referred to Filoni as his “padawan”, I would argue that Filoni is ultimately as much a student of Miyazaki as he is of Lucas.
Again, you might ask, “What does all this mean for Star Wars?” It means a great many things. It means that Dave Filoni has taken Miyazaki’s lessons to heart, and can handle things like romance, as well as other kinds of relationships, quite well most of the time. Like Miyazaki he can play with romance, tease the audience with it at times even, leave the romance unrequited, and yet still have it feel satisfying. A prime example of this is the love triangle that Ahsoka was involved in with the young Separatist Senator, Lux Bonteri, and Steela Gerrera. As wary as I am of romance and as much as I despise shipping, love triangles I normally despise even more, but this one seemed to actually work. It never took over the main story, and even though Ahsoka’s feelings were ultimately not reciprocated, she still learned from the experience, and grew and developed further as a character because of it. The other characters involved in this triangle also grew and developed from their involvement, though unfortunately not all of them made it. All in all it was a good bit of storytelling and gave the audience something to consider.
When a relationship in one of Filoni’s stories does bloom into a full blown romance he also generally handles it quite well. For one Filoni is sparing with actual romance, so that when it does occur, it can be that much more appreciated. And rather than rushing or shipping it, Filoni normally takes his time to build it up. An example of this is the relationship between Kanan and Hera. Some might argue that this is perhaps the best developed romance in all of Star Wars, at least in Canon. Built up over four seasons, at times it wasn’t certain whether it was a romance or a friendship, or perhaps even a professional partnership. Perhaps even the characters themselves were not certain, though it was hinted all throughout the narrative that something was going on. To this day I don’t believe anyone can say definitively when it became an actual romance, and I believe Filoni did this intentionally because he wanted to be subtle, rather than making things too obvious and having the romance take over the narrative, as it usually does. When it finally did become obvious as to what was happening, it felt very much earned, in a way that is seldom accomplished in other works of fiction, including Star Wars.
The relationship between Ezra and Sabine was also fairly well written, for the most part anyway, at least in Star Wars Rebels. Ezra was almost immediately smitten with Sabine, but being a young teenage boy, it was understandable that he would feel that way about an attractive girl. Over time he learned to see her more respectfully, as a colleague and even as part of his adopted family, not just as a pretty face. Sabine for her part found Ezra annoying at first (c’mon, what teenage boy isn’t?), but as he matured and she found out more about him she came to understand and respect him more, and see him as a friend and almost a brother, with there being potential for something more.
There were times when the relationship could have been better written, like in the episode “Blood Sisters”, where Ezra was written to be a bit too immature to make Sabine look wiser. But overall, the bond between them developed fairly well; both saved one another at various times, and took risks and made sacrifices for each other’s sake. Both reassured and comforted the other when they needed it, and it was endearing to hear their banter when they became more familiar and trusting of each other.
So why then was I so disappointed in how they were portrayed in the Ahsoka show? The thing is, after how well their relationship was built up in Rebels, as I’ve already mentioned it was strange to see how lackluster and uninspired their reunion was.
Within the Ahsoka show itself Sabine was shown to be almost obsessed with finding Ezra, living in what used to be his home, watching a recording of him over and over again, and calling out his name as she woke up in the middle of the night. She even risked bringing Thrawn back into the Galaxy, which ultimately happened, just so she could see Ezra again. After all that, when she finally does encounter him, her reaction seems fairly casual, as does his, as if they’ve been apart for no more than a week, rather than 10 years. Not too much happens between them afterwards either. Like I said Ezra does not appear all that curious about what happened with Sabine, how she found him, and how it was that she was now Force sensitive. Sabine likewise did not seem curious about what had happened with Ezra, and how he had gotten away from Thrawn. And with Ezra rescued and returned home, suddenly it didn’t seem as though Sabine was all that interested in him anymore, nor he all that concerned with her, though they were just as far apart as they had been at the start of the show. To be completely honest it made me wonder what the point of the whole show was. Were they just working to set up Thrawn’s return to the Galaxy? As some have said, Ezra felt like nothing more than a Macguffin in the show. Was Sabine and Ahsoka’s search for him just a plot device?
Considering how skillfully Dave Filoni had written his stories in the past, what happened in this latest project of his does not make much sense. Was he so concerned about “shipping” and so desperate to avoid it that he inadvertently “shipped” them in the other direction? Was there some sort of external pressure on him about how to write this story to have more of an appeal to “modern audiences”? Maybe some combination of those factors?
And here I’ll add that when I say “modern audiences” I don’t mean that in a contemptuous sense, though you may think I do. If there is any contempt on my part it is for those in charge of telling our stories, or those in charge of those telling our stories, who do not seem to grasp these basic truths. The truth is that audiences at their core don’t really change throughout the ages, only superficially so. Trends come and go but certain truths and ideals are eternal, and universal. How people relate to each other fundamentally does not change, whether they are friends, or more than friends. And deep down, I believe everyone (or nearly everyone at least) wants the same things. Nearly everyone at some point wants some kind of a connection with another human being, to know that they are not alone in the world, and to know that there is someone else who sees and understands things as they do. While this desire can certainly lead to abuse, and absolutely has, it is still innate to us and is not inherently wrong. Finding ways of connecting and relating to other people is one of the great challenges of life, but many would argue it is the most worthwhile of challenges. It may be the whole point of life if you think about it. As complex as it may be, many would argue it is what makes life worth living, and likewise makes for the best stories. Just as it may be the whole point of life many would say that is what most stories are about at their core: people trying to relate to one another.
Sadly, just as in real life, most stories unfortunately don’t quite get it, and the Ahsoka show in my opinion was an example of this, made all the sadder by the fact that Dave Filoni had done quite well with these characters up to that point. We may never know for certain what exactly went wrong and why, or if it can ever be “fixed” at this point, but I can’t help but feel curious. Maybe in the future Filoni will find a way to make it make sense, but I’m not sure how. And to be completely honest I don’t feel quite as enthusiastic to find out as I used to.
Also for the record I would like to add here that there are other factors that put me off from the show, such as Sabine’s Force sensitivity, that came about without much build up. But in this article I specifically wanted to focus on shipping because there seems to be so much misunderstanding around it.
I hope that I was able to clarify some, if not most of this misunderstanding, so that people could better appreciate what shipping is, where it comes from, as well as what it isn’t. Many people today are understandably sick of shipping characters, myself included. But I hope people realize that in overcompensating for something, we often come back around into the very thing that we are overcompensating for. Or sometimes, into something even worse. This may apply to nearly every facet of life, by the way, not just shipping. Finding a happy medium in how we portray our fictional relationships may help us to better understand relationships in real life, as well as how to navigate them. Neither fictional nor actual relationships can ever be perfect but they can always be better. To this understanding then I hope that I was able to give my own modest contribution, and if nothing else I hope we can connect on that.

Here is his article translated with GPT:
It's been two months since I left Mingchao（Wuthering Waves'sname in PinYin）. Mentally, physically, and in terms of my outlook on life, I've shed a heavy burden. Without a doubt, I feel light and joyful.
My journey took me from Chengdu to Shanghai, then to Huangshan, Huizhou, Hongcun, Xidi, and back to Changsha, my hometown in western Hunan, and to Zhangjiajie before returning to Guangzhou. I traveled far and wide, meeting many relatives and friends. The beauty of traveling lies in experiencing the stories of others in a different time and space, immersing oneself in a completely unfamiliar way of life. Exploring the wonders of life in the mundane, touching the emotions, interests, joys, and sorrows of different lifestyles is, in essence, seeking the possibility of another way of life.
Humans, with their short lives and endless desires, are often enchanted by the illusion of eternity. Some feel that time is fleeting and life is unpredictable, wishing to leave a mark on the world they've traversed. But many are tethered to worldly desires. As they reach middle age, their ambitions and sharp edges are dulled, while their pursuit of fame, fortune, and power grows. Some fall in love with the transient pleasures of life, while others shamelessly chase after temporary gains in fame, fortune, and lust, engaging in acts of deceit and manipulation. Little do they realize that they are mere pawns on someone else's chessboard, jumping back and forth, oblivious to their own insignificance.
As a game engine programmer, it's easy to be misunderstood both in the industry and within the company. Long exposure can lead to a sense of inflated ego, a feeling of invincibility. But if you look a little further, you'll realize that most real-time rendering technologies today will be obsolete in three to five years, let alone thirty or fifty years. I often wonder if, in old age, reminiscing about my youth and career, all the achievements of today will seem insignificant. The enthusiasm and passion for work are extinguished in this mindset, leaving nothing but ashes behind.
To me, game technology is just a part of games and products, neither more nor less. I admire and respect those who pursue technology purely, but I shouldn't fixate on technical perfection or cutting-edge innovation. Decisions should be made based on project timelines, manpower, and available resources.
A few days ago, some friends approached me. They were amazed by the success and low cost of a leisure H5 3D project and wanted to enhance the technical team's capabilities for better artistic expression. I advised them to use Unity3D instead of trying to wrestle with Unreal Engine. After all, if the project doesn't involve creating vast worlds, isn't focused on the 3C (Character, Camera, Controls) aspects, doesn't prioritize performances, isn't targeting multiple platforms, and isn't an FPS game, then Unreal Engine's advantages are nullified, while its disadvantages remain. Especially when considering adapting to low-end mobile devices prevalent in Southeast Asia and South America, why venture into the dragon's den when there's a smooth road ahead? And how can one expect to find suitable and reliable Unreal Engine programmers in a short period in Guangzhou?
The greatest benefit of this trip was the discussions with friends about technology and game design, gaining different perspectives. It not only bolstered my long-term confidence in the industry but also made me reevaluate the essence of game technology and the disparities between myself and my goals. I sincerely admire and wish well for those who pursue the ideal of creating great games they love. After all, the game industry in China is a desert of idealism, flooded with capital driven solely by profit, with companies lacking basic contractual ethics, and individuals being hypocritical, calculating opportunists in the guise of upright gentlemen. What's truly lacking in this industry are passionate, capable producers dedicated to their favorite game genres, those courageous enough to carve out new paths amidst ridicule and misunderstanding, those with keen insight and boldness, radiating the light of idealism, respecting themselves and others, thus earning respect from others. These are the rare talents, the role models, the pillars of the industry.
When choosing partners, character should be the top priority. It's not just about what they say but also about what they do. It's not just about their actions towards you but also about their past actions towards former partners. It's not just about how close friends evaluate them but also about how distant partners assess them. One must cherish their feathers and not delude themselves with fantasies of being victorious authors of history, for those who truly write history have no need to protect their feathers. I often half-jokingly, half-seriously tell my colleagues, 'We spend most of our lives, from our twenties to our sixties, working. If work isn't enjoyable, then we're wasting our lives.'
When I was eighteen, I nearly died from a severe illness. In that near-death experience, I distinctly remember feeling no fear of death, only a sense of regret for leaving so many things unfinished that I loved and were within my capabilities. Over a decade ago, reading "Chanel: A Woman of Her Own" and "Dandu," I, in my early twenties, suddenly felt old, crying uncontrollably, echoing Duras's lament in "The Lover," 'This has come too soon, too hastily. I am only eighteen, but it's already too late.' But as I passed thirty-five, the fear and helplessness towards age gradually diminished, and I began to cherish my family, friends, and inner peace even more.
The game industry is becoming increasingly divided. On one side, game development costs are soaring, teams are growing larger, development cycles are getting longer, investors are losing confidence, layoffs are rampant both domestically and internationally, and the number of unemployed colleagues and friends around me is increasing. On the other side, more and more indie game developers, faced with the enormous gap in the cost of starting a business and entering a company, resolutely choose to follow their hearts, passionately piecing together the games they love amidst economic hardship, with their original intentions unchanged, and a glimmer of hope in their eyes.
I asked a friend, why endure the hardships of game development? He replied with a verse from Su Dongpo's "A Talk on the First Day of Spring":
'Is the Southland not pleasing?
But here, where my heart is at peace, is my home.'
source: https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/696884865

Fo4 does a lot of things better. Its not just gameplay. Far harbor has a beautiful deep brooding atmosphere. The world building and overal aesthetic has so much work put into it. The entire game is dripping with vibe.
There's so many interesting quests and characters. The level design and individual areas makes exploration very satisfying.
I also think it has the best ost in the series. And The licenced music is at least on par with 3/nv. Atom bomb baby is such a great song.
Plus the settlment building has way more depth than people give it credit for. You really can go crazy. Most people just kind of have raider esc set ups. Getting creative can change the map alot. Because there's settlements everywhere.
Not a fan of 3. Nv definitely has the best story. The sci fi elements stick out to me. But 4 isnt garbage. The synth story lines are very interesting. Again, es·pe·cial·ly when you have nick and go to far harbor.
Fo4 just hits for me. Its so immersive and vibey. And yes the gameplay is just way better. I remember something about them bringing in devs that worked on doom 2016. It shows. The combats works and feels good. The movement feels good.
I hear the same criticisms over and over.

The dialog options. Personally, i think they should have left it like vegas. But i see why they stream lined it. Its about pacing. And the quests are still engaging. Just not as sophsticated as vegas could be.
Rpg elements. Pretty much still have a lot of build options. Again, more streamlined. But you can do some unique stuff that i feel is over looked.
Factions. I get it. Vegas let you become the character and you could be whatever you wanted to be. 4 has its own character and you play that characters pre determined story. Many great games are like that. Is 4 trash because its different? I think its fine. The pros out weigh the cons. 2 is an incredible game. 3 is nothing like it. Yet 3 is beloved.

I went into 4 totally objective with an open mindset. Like the other games didnt exist. It was one the best gaming experiences i ever had. And im pretty snobby with games. I really only like games that are high concept and masterfully crafted. Some examples. SH2, Blood Omen, Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy 10, Resident evil 2002 remake, Witcher 3, Gt2, Symphony of the night, Alice, SF3rd strike, Dark Soul, bloodborne, sekiro, Siege lol, mw2, dying light, blasphemous. Those are some of my tops. Many are objectivley undeniable. Is f04 like that? Idk. But it hit like witcher 3 in a lot of ways. I played them both at the same time.
With how dissapointing 76 was i dont get how 4 is so underrated. Especially with this ps5 update. The load times and frame rates makes it even more fluid. 4 gets very cinematic at times. When i first rolled up to the corvega factory at night for that brother hood mission. It was just oozing with cinematic shots. You want to screen shot so often. And thats great world design and art direction. Dont even get me started on far harbor. Basically a remake of 3 in one dlc. Its like a stephen king novel.
The setting of 4 in boston with that sea side town vibe and the rich american east coast history. The Revolutionary war and all the historical themes. I think its great.