Hallucinate from bath salt

Pyronachia / How do I know if my nail is going to fall off?!
16, FEMALE / 16 afab
I had a painful spot on my finger which developed into pyronachia. I have been soaking it in salt water until it was longer painful, but I noticed it was also slightly underneath the corner of my nail. I woke up this morning and pus was under in the corner, so I washed it thoroughly and got all the gunk out. My finger didn't hurt, but I took a bath and all the soaking made the dry/previously puss filled skin get soft and as I was washing my hair it peeled from the side of my finger and a bit under in the corner. I started noticing it got a bit painful again but that could be because the skin peeled so it's kinda like an "open wound" and fragile since skin peeled. I'm a very very bad hypochondriac and I also saw my nail is slightly more lifted than the others so I started thinking now my nail is gonna fall off.
I'm tired and overthinking, so this might not be super concise. I can answer any questions or clarify anything needed, thank you!

So, you said Lord Nicholas has no personality, which is true lol, but since I'm the devil's advocate, I took that as a challenge. Make yourself comfortable for a long read. Have some popcorn.
Why is this guy more of a tragic character, rather than a villain? And how does a man lose identity, and becomes a monster through desperation? I'll answer this for you below.
• Throughout Plague Tale Innocence, there are various signs that although he is personally close to Vitalis (no use of titles or formalities when speaking to each other) he is the execution, and not the mastermind behind the plans. For example, when Hugo's Macula was to be tested, he urged Vitalis on to put an end to the plague already, they are not here to play games.
• In the very same chapter, we get a little insight on what he believes and thinks about the conflict between the Inquisition and the De Runes. He doesn't understand why Beatrice De Rune resists their persuasion for information regarding the Macula, since their goals are shared -> ending the Plague. Ultimately, he blindly believes Vitalis wants to control the Plague to save them. And he does anything, ANYTHING to make that happen.
Commit genocide against peasants, and in the end, even go as far as killing Hugo.
Now, let's take a little turn to make a background check for this guy. Or at least what is hinted, and what can be assumed with intuition and theories.
• Like I mentioned before, him and Vitalis are personally close, and in the preultimate chapter of Plague Tale: Innocence, after his death, guards talk about him in the city. They are confused why Vitalis hasn't sent anyone for his search (I'll get to that one later), since he was his Protégé. This alone in itself wouldn't mean anything, but right after that a guard added "Maybe he found himself another Protégé" regarding Hugo of course.
Since this game is about innocence and children, it's almost safe to assume that Nicholas likely got taken under Vitalis' wings just as Hugo was now in the present. That would explain why they are close, and why Nicholas blindly trusts his master. Another dialogue backs this up, between the Arch Bishop and Vitalis. "Puppets like you will kneel and beg me to save them." and look who appears and kneels right there and then? Lord Nicholas. This is my theory, I can back it up but it isn't 100% surely true of course. Take it with a pinch of salt please.
• Now, time to get to why Vitalis didn't send anyone after Nicholas' disappearance... We saw nothing of the two months Hugo spent in the Bastion, but based on the Cathedral's state, it's safe to assume things didn't go that well with controlling the Macula. The plan was to get Hugo through the threshold finally, so that the Conjuration can begin. (Note to self: another essay later about that one). Although they tried to push Hugo through with hurting his mother, it didn't work. Because of this, Vitalis tasked Nicholas with taking Hugo to his sister, to end her life. This is simple, but it doesn't stop here.
In the chapter Blood Ties (where we control Hugo), we already meet an impatient Nicholas who wants to put an end to the Plague. Not only that, but let me get to one crucial sentence told by Vitalis. "Nicholas... You cannot understand." This hints at the disagreements between the two, and that Nicholas is not indulged in how this should be done. Nicholas tries to help Vitalis up, but he rejects the help too. It's quite symbolic for the one-sided trust between the two. Due to this growing mistrust, and how Vitalis didn't expect Nicholas to come back after his mission later on, to me it seems like Vitalis cut the ties and sent him exactly to his death to get rid of him.
• Vitalis' plan was never to get rid of Hugo once they pass the threshold ("I have a lot to teach the Carrier, and his friends."), and knew well, that Nicholas has no chance against Hugo and Amicia with the rats alongside them. He sent the man who trusted him the most to his death, and with that also chose his ultimate protégé - Hugo. It's also likely that Nicholas' mistrust grew because his position in the hierarchy was compromised, since it's likely Vitalis got obsessed with Hugo, and Nicholas almost realized he is played with. There is also the idea, that Vitalis sent him away to actually save him from the white rats he meant to send on the crowd anyway. Anyway, Vitalis is for another essay...
• The betrayed, the sacrificed. Who is he? There is absolutely little we know of him, except for his title and occupation. What always speaks in Plague Tale: Innocence though, is the design. I mean look at that drip- sorry.. In "A Making of Plague Tale: Innocence" the creative developers mention the importance of faces, and overall pure, intuitive impressions we get of our characters.
• There is only one character whose face we never see, and that is Nicholas. That doesn't only play as a psychological trick to make him more terrifying, but also hints at certain points. First of all, his robes are Dominican. This is historically fitting (although there were no dominican knights) since Dominicans were those entrusted by the Church to handle trials against heresy and begin inquisitions. This also hints that he is very religious and dedicated to serving the (assumed) good. I know, no way. Let's not forget about how faded out it is, or bloody. In NO way he is a good guy, but a tragic believer? Likely. Under the robes is the armour, which is hit all around. It's no news we talk about a very experienced and efficient knight who also happens to be serving Vitalis (NOT the Church! Explained in another essay, chill.). Knights start their training at 7, and only nobles are in for the job, obviously. I made the connection, that since he likely knows Vitalis from his childhood, and his training also began when he was 7 years old, and his name was Nicholas...
Side note: In medieval times, children were named after Saints to inwoke their blessing, in this case, among many things, protecting children.
It's likely that he himself, just like those he hunts, was an orphan, perhaps even a sinner, who had to be saved by none else, than Vitalis. Give it a thought, maybe he was a lost little boy like Hugo, whose innocence was stolen way too early. With how Plague Tale likes to play with irony and parallels between characters, I don't see this as unlikely.
• All in all, he is what his occupation is, and nothing human. He is the machine that serves. The cross, the judgement. We cannot see his face, because he has no identity except what Vitalis gave him. His role, his title, his mission (perhaps even name). As it can be seen, Hugo too, was dressed in robes showing the Inquisition's sign, like a mark of ownership over him.
• From the very start of the story, he was the representative of that time's barbaric cruelty, unforgiving, misplaced judgement. And as though from the children's perspective he was a monster from the very beginning, how did it go down? As I said before, he has no identity except his committment, and through that his morals, ambitions are shown. At the very start, they ambushed the De Rune estate, and we CANNOT know, if the violance was planned beforehand or it came due to Robert's resistance.
People were taken hostage for questioning, the goal was to capture Hugo, the Carrier, and Beatrice, the only one who can help them understand the plague's origins. It was bloody, but after this chapter, you can hear guards clearly say "capture children" and not just Hugo. Now, unbelivably, I don't think he wanted Amicia bad at the start. They confront each other in the English camp for the second time (where he paid a ransom for both of them), where he tries to negotiate with her to give them Hugo and stop running. Later his methods change, telling the plain truth that there is nowehere for her to go out there (These methods of convincing show a lot of personality and insight especially in the boss fight).
Later on, it's mentioned Vitalis is going hard on him but "he is used to it". Again, their shared history is hinted. The hunt for Hugo is fruitless still, and the plague is spreading day-by-day.
Next we hear from him, is in the chapter where we visit the city with Amicia. Or rather, that he is not exactly participating in the mission killing the sick. Since him and Vitalis disagree with methods of solving the Plague, and he is occupied with catching Hugo, there is a possibility this order of slaughter was carried out without his consent. Though, this is a high take and it would be totally in character to do such a task in the means of self-preservation.
Amicia's visions of him from Penance is not reliable, but at the very same time she clearly dreamed what happened and it's likely she mixed reality with hallucinations from exhaust. If, the hallucinations were true, that means Hugo did hear Amicia, but Nicholas directly diverted his attention from her and led him away.
It's hard to speculate if he did this to let nature do its work, or to actually show mercy, which is equally possible, since it was clear from the beginning that even though she killed his men, he knew she is simply running and kills as a means to survive.
Now, as I explained earlier, many things go down when Hugo resides in the Bastion, and we can only guess what that causes. I mentioned Nicholas' growing distrust, now let me introduce you to the psychological denial he experiences during the boss fight, along with his reflections pointing at the children. The man, becoming the monster. The fire (another essay since fire in Plague Tale is symbolic) causing him to destroy himself.
In the chapter Remembrance he goes to the Château d'Ombrage along Hugo, to ensure the boy passes the threshold with killing his sister, with this enabling Vitalis to pass as well. At first, Nicholas is quite calm and confident, sending Hugo to kill her "Go, and do what has to be done.". Interestingly, despite this, he still has his sword prepared, which shows he still doesn't trust Hugo. Later on, he knocks Arthur out, but doesn't kill him senselessly, despite the fiasco at the English camp. He takes Amicia to Hugo, and now threatens him to kill her, or else he kills his mother in front of him. After that, he tells him, if Hugo does as he tells him so, maybe Vitalis keeps him by his side.
This could hint that only by accomplishments such as this, and proving devotion, can one remain important in Vitalis' eyes. Also, that maybe, Nicholas had to go through something similar, "She means nothing to you now".
Doubts and frantic impatience take hold, which ultimately lead him to take matters into his own hands. He decides to kill her, himself. As he pushes Hugo away, she calls him a bastard, which he then turns back at her, to question her morality and self-righteousness. She betrayed him, that is why he gave himself up. It can be perhaps far-fetched, but this also can count as self-reflection already. Betrayal -> causing giving up, which happens later to him too.
After Arthur "takes care of him" (not exactly...) and the siblings reunite, Nicholas wakes up and this time, immediately kills Arthur. The death is not just a shock value as many believe, it also shows the already progressing monster stepping forth, and losing humanity entirely.
The boss fight has three phases. His methods at provoking the children, and self-reflect change and become way more intense with time.
In the first phase, he tries to separate them and tells Amicia that he knows it must be difficult to live in the Carrier's shadow. Also, that they are terrified. He is poking at her most vulnerable place, their biggest fear, which's "face" is ultimately him. Also, reminding Amicia of her biggest desire, that is to be acknowledged by her parents. Especially this can count as self-reflective, since as I said earlier Nicholas likely noticed Hugo is slowly replacing him in Vitalis' eyes. The wish to excell, and be acknowledged for the devotion is a deep scar this character could carry. He also reminds them of how their father died, to remind them of honour, which Nicholas obviously has a twisted sense of.
In the second phase, his first voice line shows surprise and fear, and anger in response to those feelings. He is more reckless and aggressive too. Here, again, he manipulatively reminds them how little they can do, and threatens them. This is both calculated and instinctual, since he says such things to bring the children out of their hiding places, but at the very same time also because he is slowly losing himself. There are also lines which can be reflective to his beliefs and assumptions based on himself, such as: "Your sister won't be able to save you child.... You are alone." There were already connections made between how Vitalis saved him, and if one puts it all together, this line shows how he doesn't believe in the siblings' bond, because his own bond with Vitalis broke, and Nicholas is (alike to Hugo) alone. Or there is also the line "What do you think you can do? You are nothing. [...]" I wanted to highlight this line because Plague Tale (among many other things) is about the helplessness one faces trying to protect loved ones, and/or trying to rewrite their fates. The fact that Nicholas dehumanizes them entirely, shows he knows the fact one, them or him, cannot change the course that has been set, but he is still in denial trying to fight it (a lot like Amicia in Requiem, by the way. Also, fire (this is why that needs another essay....).
In the third phase, he becomes uncharacteristically reckless and desperate, where he succumbs to the wrath and, his fate. "Come to me, come into my arms my dear children." His sanity decreases and he knows death is unavoidable. The question left is whenever he can bring them down with himself or fails. And failure, is unacceptable. He is better dead, than failed. "I will teach you the meaning of sacrifice" this line shows that likely, he accepted his last quest knowing well he is going to die probably. That he rather burns himself, bring hell, than letting go. He keeps shouting the motto of his order, because that is the only thing that he clings to. It's pathetic and forced, inhumane. "[...] We'll die together" <-> "I will boil your blood until it spurts from your eyes", "You are going to pay, [...]" by this time, he keeps switching tactics at approaching and luring them out, frantic and monstrous. His words mean nothing by this time and desperation takes hold. What line of him is the purest, rawest, and most honest, between all the threads and claims, self-convincing attempts to maintain devoted is this: "The pain... To feel oneself alive... And deliver death." This line might seem like one among the many terrible threats, but it in fact shows his deepest belief. That is, of pain and life. Sacrifice and death. That those who live, have to kill, and that is what it means to exist in this world.
• In Plague Tale Innocence and Requiem, we see Amicia's development into a murderer who follows similarly blind committments.
She ultimately becomes, what she condemned, and what caused her great misery. What, in the end, she herself becomes if Hugo doesn't lead her on the right path. A monster.
So, to sum it all up, Lord Nicholas represents the human being of that time, whose identity is what he serves, and nothing else.
It makes one selfless, righteous, but at what cost? Violence spreads from one person to another, while everyone tries to save what is precious to them. Hope this helped seeing him as more human and with more personality. Cheers. A few more points I couldn't exactly integrate are the following:
• A few things showing the underlying morality and plain intentions: at first he tried to negotiate with both Robert, Amicia, and Beatrice as well. He condones stealing entirely. He doesn't kill Arthur at first.
• In the concept art he is left handed. In Middle Ages, left handed people were considered sinful, since it was the "devil's hand". This added with the self-punishing- self-destructive-Catholic mindset, added with his devotion, signs that he is penitent, and does what he should for a greater good, a salvation, and carries the burden of "sacrifice".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3KTY0ybbqI
It's good to smack down the snakes, but we also need to reward people for not being snakes. Lily is a real OG and has shown integrity over the years so go support her while Tiny does bath salts to unwind.
Don't mention DGG or any drama in her chat. Just watch a cozy stream with a cool cat. Some of yall need to unplug from the hyper online shit for a bit anyways :D

Anyone tips ? I am pretty sure the trigger was standing too long. I dont think its a detox thing as I am on quite constant HDMS, LW and CJ since end of january. I got them since yesterday, ( the day befor I was standing too long and really felt the pressure on my pelvic floor, though I also have a predisposition , as once I got a little one during a 369 and had one in 2018 when I had a lot of stress) From reading threads here about it, I got tips like push it back, pure aloe vera application, bath in warm epsom salt; I do prefer cold local shower at the moment and I push is back, and I have hemorrhoid cream; is there anything else I could do? tomorrow I will try to be more or less horizontal and be minimal vertical../ I guess applying local propolis doesn´t make sense, or does it- as an antinflammatory ? luckily now it is not superpainful during bowel movement; there might be another vimergy tincture or another herb which narrows the vessels in the pelvis?

Female, 118, 46, white. 5'5".
Always dehydrated and thirsty. Cannot drink plain water.
No smoking, or drinking. No drugs. Cycle most days. I go to the gym. I'm basically a nun. I am not active s----ly.
I drink a bit of coffee, never eat sugar. Super plain and boring.
So I cannot drink water without the following; ( it has always been this way)
Instant stomach ache, if cold water much worse. Instant dizziness and headache. Often the headache turns into a migraine that doesn't shift for 12 hours. I feel super wobbly and trembling, and occasionally get hallucinations after I've drank that water.
I don't get the same reaction if there is lemon/salt/flavour in the water. I can drink soda fine ( prefer not to)l or carbonated water and the effect is much much milder. So I think this has to do with electrolytes?
I drink a LOT of fruit-flavoured water, or lemon juice water with whatever sweeteners in there ( not sugar), and other iced teas etc to keep hydrated through the day. These beverages at least don't cause the stomach ache, headache and wobbly effect and nausea that plain water does. But I am constantly all the time dehydrated. To the point, that when I chug whatever fluid, even 20z, it just makes my mouth drier, and I can barely open my mouth.
At night I wake up constantly having to chug watelemon infused. A tiny sip of plain water is OK, but it doesn't work to keep my mouth wet.
I did have bloodwork in November that showed my very low in sodium. I can basically eat Marmite or Mustard or plain Miso paste straight from the tub at any time. I can never get enough of that stuff. It's almost impossible for me personally to feel "that's enough Miso/Marmite/Bouillon", I constant;y crave it. Even when I eat it I crave it.
This is getting worse too. Can anyone shed light? None of the Dr's in any checkup have handled it well. They just say "You're low sodium eat more salt". I probably ate a whole bottle of mustard earlier on.

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Several people have approached me that they might have endometriosis. Lifelong warrior so thought I would share my tips and tricks I put together for my friends and family to share with you :) Hope this helps someone!
ENDOMETRIOSIS SURGERY FACTS

• EXCISION SURGERY! I cannot stress this one enough. If you have an ablation, it will grow back and likely quick (but consult with your doctors on your case 100%). Excision is when they cut it out vs. it gets burned off. You will have a better success rate and slow rate of growth if they excise. Not all cases can be depending on location so again, please talk with your doctor about your situation. This is not the same for everyone.
• If your doctor cannot do excision surgery. Skip and move on to the next! Trust me, well worth the time to research and find the right doctor. You will thank me later for this one too haha.
• Finding a doctor is stuff. Also tough to find resources. If you cannot find an Endometriosis specialist in your area who does excision, you may need to look out of state, but one tip is exploring gynecological oncologists. Some will take benign cases, but not all so do your research. But it’s a good avenue for help in your area or you want insurance coverage.
• Nanny’s Nook is a good resource for online information regarding endometriosis: https://nancysnookendo.com/
• Dr Seckin’s book called The Doctor Will See You Now is also worth the read (https://www.amazon.com/Doctor-Will-See-You-Endometriosis/dp/1681621126)
• Definitely look into Egg Freezing before doing any permanent surgeries. The ovaries are more intact when there is a uterus in place, so I recommend immediately following any excisions with Egg Freezing if you can and if it’s part of your plans. I found my AMH levels low (1.2) but still retrieved 25 eggs, so never be discouraged if this is your future planning path.
• My Symptoms: I experience bloating, constipation, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting as the main culprits. I have irregular periods in regards to the number of days and if it comes or not (even with an IUD). Pelvic pain is probably the worst of all since it accompanies these symptoms and is present a majority of the time. Others may have different symptoms, and there’s many others I didn’t list but wanted to paint the picture of some I’ve experienced.

ENDOMETRIOSIS LAPAROSCOPIC SURGERY (WHAT TO EXPECT)
PRE-SURGERY

• List of questions to ask your doctor
• Insurance Information and ID
• Necessary forms or paperwork the doctor requires
• Make sure any medical records are sent that would be relevant

POST-OP PREP

• Eat smaller meals and simple foods days beforehand. If bowel prep is necessary, they also recommend taking a laxative in the days leading up to help prep.
• Pack a bag! Not every surgery is an overnight stay but even if you have a day-of surgery, back an overnight bag. Here’s the essentials:
  • Phone/Headphones/iPad/Kindle/Books
  • Device Chargers
  • Medications that you currently take
  • Glasses (do not wear contacts day of)
  • An extra pair of underwear
  • Sanitary Pads or Always Discreet
  • Comfy pants with light elastic band around the waist
  • Non wired bra
  • Slip on shoes (this is clutch! Recommend slides -https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BL7LJKZW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1).
  • Layers - Sweatshirt, Long Sleeved Shirt etc. - Hospitals are cold!
  • Toothbrush and tooth paste
  • Hairbrush
  • Face wipes, wash cloth, small towel and bar of soap.

SPACE PREP

1. Make sure your bed or couch is prepped. I stayed on the first level for the first 2ish days before feeling well enough to stay upstairs.
2. I used a pregnancy pillow on the bed to help me stay on my back while sleeping and help you feel cozy.
3. Stock the house with foods that will be light for your stomach. Think soups and casseroles! Saltine crackers, broths, rices etc..
4. If you have a raised bed, get a step stool to assist. It’s best to sit on the side of the bed and slowly lay your upper body down while bringing your knees up and over to your back. You will need to use arm strength the first couple of days to get you up and over since you can’t use the abdomen.
5. Water and Beverages stocked at all times. I have a reusable water bottle and avoid carbonated beverages for the time being. They fill you with gas for the procedure so it may make those symptoms worse.
6. Netflix, Kindle, Puzzles, Craft Projects…visits with friends. Whatever makes the time pass, set it up ahead of time so it’s handy.
7. Items to Keep on Hand: Baby Wipes, heating pads, pads/diapers, candles, essential oils, things that smell good haha

BOWEL PREP
This is dependent on the type of surgery you are having, but its good to have Gatorade, Magnesium Citrate (liquid), laxatives and enemas on hand just in case you need these.
ON SURGERY DAY
It’s important to follow the instructions on what to stop taking and/or eating/drinking prior to the surgery. Wear comfy clothes (wide elastic waistband) and slides with cozy socks. Double check your to go bag and breath.
AT THE HOSPITAL

1. Do your check-ins and keep your people with you as long as you want.
2. Make sure to read all the consent forms and ask any questions upfront. Make any advance directives clear.
3. Just try to remain calm as there’s a lot of down time while they do intake. It is about 2 hours of prep before they bring you in for the surgery itself.
4. They will ask you the same questions over and over again, that’s normal and trust me, you want to confirm it’s all being done properly.
5. If you need something for anxiety, they will be sure to give you something if you ask :)
6. You will be wearing a gown, socks, funky underwear and a cool hair net haha wear the gown backward so you keep warm and keep the butt covered.
7. Vitals will happen and the anesthesiologist will come and speak with you to make sure they prep the right meds beforehand. Bring up any concerns here with them!
8. You may be wheeled or walked into surgery. I’ve only ever walked in and laid on the table myself.
9. They will then put the IV in your arm and sometimes will put on a mask, they will then ask you to count backwards and before you know it, you will be awake again!

RECOVERY

• You will wake-up and feel groggy. Totally normal and you will be in a different room. They will likely say a lot really quick about your surgery. Before leaving ask for them to walk through it or see if you can speak with the doctor again when clear headed. RECOMMENDED!
• Your throat will be sore, that’s normal from the tube.
• Just relax and sleep it off if you want, the goal is to be relaxed and pee once before leaving.
• Before you go, eat and drink and pass smoke urine. They’ll provide you with the meds and you’ll be good to go.
• Make sure someone brings you home after :)
• Make sure you have a bag for vomit in the car.
• Bring a small pillow that can be strapped between the car belt and you for maximum comfort on the trip home.
• Pain Med Management: This one is important. I messed up night one and didn’t take it soon enough and was in too much pain so make sure you stick to the schedule the doctors give you to ensure you are comfortable.
• Keep Walking: It seems unnatural to have a surgery then walk, but the sooner you get up and keep moving around the house, the better. Just avoid heavy lifting and immense bending like movements. Stairs are also ok but also consult with your doctor!
• Gas Build Up: I did feel pain in my shoulders from the gas. Just keep moving! It will help get that out of the system but this pain is normal.
• Relax and let people take care of you! Don’t be too quick to recover.
• Keep an eye out for fever, increased vaginal bleeding, or feeling terrible.
• Keep all post op appointments and follow all post op instructions!

ENDOMETRIOSIS MAINTENANCE
Here’s the tips and tricks I found helpful for maintaining my pain and symptoms (GI and back pain related):

1. Pelvic Floor Therapy: This is important for keeping the muscles in your pelvis healthy and strong to maintain your structure and also help manage pain. Consult with your doctor on whether this is right for you.
2. Physical Therapy: I do PT for my back and pelvic floor since it’s all related. We focus on Myofascial Release Therapy to help break up the adhesions and give me more mobility. This helps with temporary pain relief (reduction in number), but that is always welcome :)
3. Acupuncture: I swear by Acupuncture. I don’t know what it does or why, but it works. It’s not a cure by any means, but it's great for relaxation, fertility, digestion, endometriosis, sleep, etc.. I can go on, but it’s not covered by insurance plans all the time so you will need to check and see what you’re able to take on.
4. Diet/Exercise:
   1. Eating high protein, lower fat/carbs (not none just low) helps your body, but overall learn your trigger foods! This will go a long way.
   2. Ginger, turmeric and fennel all help with bloating. I like to drink them in tea form when I’m feeling particularly hard stomached as it’s a good natural way to decrease the bloat. Peppermint also works for some, for me it irritates my GERD.
   3. Chamomile for relaxation
   4. Walking and movement are important. I cannot do anything high impact due to my sacroiliitis diagnosis, so I stick with light yoga and walking.
5. Alcohol/Other Substances: Don’t do it. Don’t touch it. You’ll thank me later on this point.
6. Sleep: Insomnia is a very real thing. I think I went 2 or 3 days at its worst one time and I cannot say enough how important trying to keep the same sleep schedule will benefit you. Waking and sleeping around the same time each day will still feel exhausting but at least you know your body is getting the most sleep it can get.
7. Medications/Supplements:
   1. Ibprofuern: This does NOT work for me. I have GERD and ulcers so I cannot take NSAIDs, but with that in mind, NSAIDs are supposedly the best pain medication over the counter to help you manage it.
   2. Pain Killers: These are AS NEEDED. I try to refrain and leave these for the TRULY bad days which I try to spread out. Not even worth it sometimes, because I don’t like how I feel and sometimes vomit after taking them. But they do help the pain!
   3. IUD/Orilissa: An IUD will NOT do anything. If you are diagnosed, ask your doctor about Orilissa or similar medicines instead of birth control methods. This will not stop the growth, just suppress it. There are side effects and it is only a short term solution.
   4. Linzess: This worked well for me for constipation symptoms when they got severe. Definitely recommend bringing this to your doctor if you’re truly suffering and they have not yet mentioned. I also resorted after trying magnesium citrate
   5. CBD Lotions/Salves: For my pelvis, I use Healing Rose CBD Salve in Orange and Lavender (https://www.thehealingroseco.com/product/orange-lavender-with-chamomile-herbal-salve-300mg-cbd/). For my back, I use a medical grade CBD lotion with menthol (https://cbdclinic.co/clinical-strength-series/). I also use a CBD massage oil from Healing Rose of the same scent when doing myofascial release at home. I also use Somedays Cramp Cream (https://somedays.com/products/period-cramp-cream?variant=42062153842853).
8. Heating Pads and Ice Pack: I have several varieties of heating pads. A cordless travel heating pad (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09FPTJL4G?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details), a plug-in heating pad (lhttps://www.hsn.com/products/pure-enrichment-purerelief-xxl-heating-pad-with-9-cord/22188460) and stick on patches (https://www.thermacare.com/ - I use the back patches but reverse them to the front for better coverage). For hot flashes and night sweats (also if you need to relax while anxious) place an ice pack over your chest to help cool or calm down.
9. Self-Care: No joke, massages, facials, epsom salt baths, sound baths, reiki….anything that you find relaxing. Do it. Try it! They also make CBD bath bombs Ive been wanting to check out.
10. TENs Machine: I really want one, don’t have one, but people swear by them (the heating pad linked to MyObi has a TENs version - https://myobistore.com/en-us/collections/my-obi-belts/products/apollo-2-0).
11. Pregnancy Pillow: This one sounds so lame, but I bought a pregnancy pillow for my first endometriosis surgery since I’m a side sleeper to help keep me on my back during recovery. It changed by life! It helps my anxiety and makes me comfortable while sleeping. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08YYVRXLM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1)..
12. Heated Blankets/Cozy Blankets: Make yourself feel better with a cozy blanket. Do it, I dare you!
13. Endo To-Go Bag: Includes heating pads (travel, plug-in and patches), medications, balms/salves, essential oils and pads/protection items, change of clothes, wet wipes.
14. Sex Life: I’m single, I don’t have a partner to worry about communicating this issue with at this point, but go slow and communicate given eventually this will have to be a conversation. What I have learned is that if you do have sex and feel pain. Immediately stop! If you associate sex with pain mentally in that moment, it may cause fear in doing so down the line so it’s best to stop the moment you feel any pain occur.
15. Work Life: I work a demanding job so it was not working with the appointments and care I needed to manage pain. Always get FMLA from your doctor for intermittent leave based on your company's policies. This protects you from flare-ups and appointments. Short Term Disability is based on your situation with work so talk with them about any leave of absence for surgery and recovery and ensure the medical providers fill out the paperwork appropriately.
16. Friends/Family: This one is the worst. I have to cancel and make plans all the time based on how I feel. I like to line up a bunch of plans for three months out and do my best to make them happen at the beginning of the month when I know I’m most likely to feel good. I just say I’ll make things up to them when I get better and those who have stuck around have been truly amazing friends, but don’t be upset that some might be over the day in and out of what you’re going through. It’s hard for you and sometimes others and it’s just a part of the relationships we’re meant to experience in life. Most people (unless they have endometriosis) don’t understand it so it can feel isolating, but there’s others out there who know what you’re going through and are willing to chat. Just gotta find them and reach out on social media, online etc..
17. Journaling Symptoms: Guilty of not being the best at this always, but it's good to track your symptoms to see how they work and operate. It helps not only you plan for it, but also your doctors in how best to handle your care. Take photos of things that make sense to show your doctors! Discharge, bowels etc..can sometimes help diagnose or judge with the images.
18. Next to Bed Kit: Make sure your nightstand is stocked with the essentials for your bad days. Makes it easier to access the items you need when you just can’t get up and get it.
19. Squatty Potty: Another thing that is majorly life changing on constipation days! Get one or you can make your own :) Take a stack of books and stack them at equal heights on each side and put your feet up. The trick is making sure you’re in a squat with your knees high to your ears.
20. Clothing: Dressing for this is key but you still want to look cute! Joggers with a stretchy waist are my go to pants, but wide leg trousers with a stretchy waist help with ease of removal but also comfort and brings some style to the look.
21. Pads: I wear Always Discreet vs. pads. I find when you need to wear them full time for incontinence it just makes it more comfortable. They have different cuts and styles so definitely check them out!

Several people have approached me that they might have endometriosis. Lifelong warrior so thought I would share my tips and tricks I put together for my friends and family to share with you :) Hope this helps someone!
ENDOMETRIOSIS SURGERY FACTS

• EXCISION SURGERY! I cannot stress this one enough. If you have an ablation, it will grow back and likely quick (but consult with your doctors on your case 100%). Excision is when they cut it out vs. it gets burned off. You will have a better success rate and slow rate of growth if they excise. Not all cases can be depending on location so again, please talk with your doctor about your situation. This is not the same for everyone.
• If your doctor cannot do excision surgery. Skip and move on to the next! Trust me, well worth the time to research and find the right doctor. You will thank me later for this one too haha.
• Finding a doctor is stuff. Also tough to find resources. If you cannot find an Endometriosis specialist in your area who does excision, you may need to look out of state, but one tip is exploring gynecological oncologists. Some will take benign cases, but not all so do your research. But it’s a good avenue for help in your area or you want insurance coverage.
• Nanny’s Nook is a good resource for online information regarding endometriosis: https://nancysnookendo.com/
• Dr Seckin’s book called The Doctor Will See You Now is also worth the read (https://www.amazon.com/Doctor-Will-See-You-Endometriosis/dp/1681621126)
• Definitely look into Egg Freezing before doing any permanent surgeries. The ovaries are more intact when there is a uterus in place, so I recommend immediately following any excisions with Egg Freezing if you can and if it’s part of your plans. I found my AMH levels low (1.2) but still retrieved 25 eggs, so never be discouraged if this is your future planning path.
• My Symptoms: I experience bloating, constipation, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting as the main culprits. I have irregular periods in regards to the number of days and if it comes or not (even with an IUD). Pelvic pain is probably the worst of all since it accompanies these symptoms and is present a majority of the time. Others may have different symptoms, and there’s many others I didn’t list but wanted to paint the picture of some I’ve experienced.

ENDOMETRIOSIS LAPAROSCOPIC SURGERY (WHAT TO EXPECT)
PRE-SURGERY

• List of questions to ask your doctor
• Insurance Information and ID
• Necessary forms or paperwork the doctor requires
• Make sure any medical records are sent that would be relevant

POST-OP PREP

• Eat smaller meals and simple foods days beforehand. If bowel prep is necessary, they also recommend taking a laxative in the days leading up to help prep.
• Pack a bag! Not every surgery is an overnight stay but even if you have a day-of surgery, back an overnight bag. Here’s the essentials:
  • Phone/Headphones/iPad/Kindle/Books
  • Device Chargers
  • Medications that you currently take
  • Glasses (do not wear contacts day of)
  • An extra pair of underwear
  • Sanitary Pads or Always Discreet
  • Comfy pants with light elastic band around the waist
  • Non wired bra
  • Slip on shoes (this is clutch! Recommend slides -https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BL7LJKZW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1).
  • Layers - Sweatshirt, Long Sleeved Shirt etc. - Hospitals are cold!
  • Toothbrush and tooth paste
  • Hairbrush
  • Face wipes, wash cloth, small towel and bar of soap.

SPACE PREP

1. Make sure your bed or couch is prepped. I stayed on the first level for the first 2ish days before feeling well enough to stay upstairs.
2. I used a pregnancy pillow on the bed to help me stay on my back while sleeping and help you feel cozy.
3. Stock the house with foods that will be light for your stomach. Think soups and casseroles! Saltine crackers, broths, rices etc..
4. If you have a raised bed, get a step stool to assist. It’s best to sit on the side of the bed and slowly lay your upper body down while bringing your knees up and over to your back. You will need to use arm strength the first couple of days to get you up and over since you can’t use the abdomen.
5. Water and Beverages stocked at all times. I have a reusable water bottle and avoid carbonated beverages for the time being. They fill you with gas for the procedure so it may make those symptoms worse.
6. Netflix, Kindle, Puzzles, Craft Projects…visits with friends. Whatever makes the time pass, set it up ahead of time so it’s handy.
7. Items to Keep on Hand: Baby Wipes, heating pads, pads/diapers, candles, essential oils, things that smell good haha

BOWEL PREP
This is dependent on the type of surgery you are having, but its good to have Gatorade, Magnesium Citrate (liquid), laxatives and enemas on hand just in case you need these.
ON SURGERY DAY
It’s important to follow the instructions on what to stop taking and/or eating/drinking prior to the surgery. Wear comfy clothes (wide elastic waistband) and slides with cozy socks. Double check your to go bag and breath.
AT THE HOSPITAL

1. Do your check-ins and keep your people with you as long as you want.
2. Make sure to read all the consent forms and ask any questions upfront. Make any advance directives clear.
3. Just try to remain calm as there’s a lot of down time while they do intake. It is about 2 hours of prep before they bring you in for the surgery itself.
4. They will ask you the same questions over and over again, that’s normal and trust me, you want to confirm it’s all being done properly.
5. If you need something for anxiety, they will be sure to give you something if you ask :)
6. You will be wearing a gown, socks, funky underwear and a cool hair net haha wear the gown backward so you keep warm and keep the butt covered.
7. Vitals will happen and the anesthesiologist will come and speak with you to make sure they prep the right meds beforehand. Bring up any concerns here with them!
8. You may be wheeled or walked into surgery. I’ve only ever walked in and laid on the table myself.
9. They will then put the IV in your arm and sometimes will put on a mask, they will then ask you to count backwards and before you know it, you will be awake again!

RECOVERY

• You will wake-up and feel groggy. Totally normal and you will be in a different room. They will likely say a lot really quick about your surgery. Before leaving ask for them to walk through it or see if you can speak with the doctor again when clear headed. RECOMMENDED!
• Your throat will be sore, that’s normal from the tube.
• Just relax and sleep it off if you want, the goal is to be relaxed and pee once before leaving.
• Before you go, eat and drink and pass smoke urine. They’ll provide you with the meds and you’ll be good to go.
• Make sure someone brings you home after :)
• Make sure you have a bag for vomit in the car.
• Bring a small pillow that can be strapped between the car belt and you for maximum comfort on the trip home.
• Pain Med Management: This one is important. I messed up night one and didn’t take it soon enough and was in too much pain so make sure you stick to the schedule the doctors give you to ensure you are comfortable.
• Keep Walking: It seems unnatural to have a surgery then walk, but the sooner you get up and keep moving around the house, the better. Just avoid heavy lifting and immense bending like movements. Stairs are also ok but also consult with your doctor!
• Gas Build Up: I did feel pain in my shoulders from the gas. Just keep moving! It will help get that out of the system but this pain is normal.
• Relax and let people take care of you! Don’t be too quick to recover.
• Keep an eye out for fever, increased vaginal bleeding, or feeling terrible.
• Keep all post op appointments and follow all post op instructions!

ENDOMETRIOSIS MAINTENANCE
Here’s the tips and tricks I found helpful for maintaining my pain and symptoms (GI and back pain related):

1. Pelvic Floor Therapy: This is important for keeping the muscles in your pelvis healthy and strong to maintain your structure and also help manage pain. Consult with your doctor on whether this is right for you.
2. Physical Therapy: I do PT for my back and pelvic floor since it’s all related. We focus on Myofascial Release Therapy to help break up the adhesions and give me more mobility. This helps with temporary pain relief (reduction in number), but that is always welcome :)
3. Acupuncture: I swear by Acupuncture. I don’t know what it does or why, but it works. It’s not a cure by any means, but it's great for relaxation, fertility, digestion, endometriosis, sleep, etc.. I can go on, but it’s not covered by insurance plans all the time so you will need to check and see what you’re able to take on.
4. Diet/Exercise:
   1. Eating high protein, lower fat/carbs (not none just low) helps your body, but overall learn your trigger foods! This will go a long way.
   2. Ginger, turmeric and fennel all help with bloating. I like to drink them in tea form when I’m feeling particularly hard stomached as it’s a good natural way to decrease the bloat. Peppermint also works for some, for me it irritates my GERD.
   3. Chamomile for relaxation
   4. Walking and movement are important. I cannot do anything high impact due to my sacroiliitis diagnosis, so I stick with light yoga and walking.
5. Alcohol/Other Substances: Don’t do it. Don’t touch it. You’ll thank me later on this point.
6. Sleep: Insomnia is a very real thing. I think I went 2 or 3 days at its worst one time and I cannot say enough how important trying to keep the same sleep schedule will benefit you. Waking and sleeping around the same time each day will still feel exhausting but at least you know your body is getting the most sleep it can get.
7. Medications/Supplements:
   1. Ibprofuern: This does NOT work for me. I have GERD and ulcers so I cannot take NSAIDs, but with that in mind, NSAIDs are supposedly the best pain medication over the counter to help you manage it.
   2. Pain Killers: These are AS NEEDED. I try to refrain and leave these for the TRULY bad days which I try to spread out. Not even worth it sometimes, because I don’t like how I feel and sometimes vomit after taking them. But they do help the pain!
   3. IUD/Orilissa: An IUD will NOT do anything. If you are diagnosed, ask your doctor about Orilissa or similar medicines instead of birth control methods. This will not stop the growth, just suppress it. There are side effects and it is only a short term solution.
   4. Linzess: This worked well for me for constipation symptoms when they got severe. Definitely recommend bringing this to your doctor if you’re truly suffering and they have not yet mentioned. I also resorted after trying magnesium citrate
   5. CBD Lotions/Salves: For my pelvis, I use Healing Rose CBD Salve in Orange and Lavender (https://www.thehealingroseco.com/product/orange-lavender-with-chamomile-herbal-salve-300mg-cbd/). For my back, I use a medical grade CBD lotion with menthol (https://cbdclinic.co/clinical-strength-series/). I also use a CBD massage oil from Healing Rose of the same scent when doing myofascial release at home. I also use Somedays Cramp Cream (https://somedays.com/products/period-cramp-cream?variant=42062153842853).
8. Heating Pads and Ice Pack: I have several varieties of heating pads. A cordless travel heating pad (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09FPTJL4G?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details), a plug-in heating pad (lhttps://www.hsn.com/products/pure-enrichment-purerelief-xxl-heating-pad-with-9-cord/22188460) and stick on patches (https://www.thermacare.com/ - I use the back patches but reverse them to the front for better coverage). For hot flashes and night sweats (also if you need to relax while anxious) place an ice pack over your chest to help cool or calm down.
9. Self-Care: No joke, massages, facials, epsom salt baths, sound baths, reiki….anything that you find relaxing. Do it. Try it! They also make CBD bath bombs Ive been wanting to check out.
10. TENs Machine: I really want one, don’t have one, but people swear by them (the heating pad linked to MyObi has a TENs version - https://myobistore.com/en-us/collections/my-obi-belts/products/apollo-2-0).
11. Pregnancy Pillow: This one sounds so lame, but I bought a pregnancy pillow for my first endometriosis surgery since I’m a side sleeper to help keep me on my back during recovery. It changed by life! It helps my anxiety and makes me comfortable while sleeping. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08YYVRXLM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1)..
12. Heated Blankets/Cozy Blankets: Make yourself feel better with a cozy blanket. Do it, I dare you!
13. Endo To-Go Bag: Includes heating pads (travel, plug-in and patches), medications, balms/salves, essential oils and pads/protection items, change of clothes, wet wipes.
14. Sex Life: I’m single, I don’t have a partner to worry about communicating this issue with at this point, but go slow and communicate given eventually this will have to be a conversation. What I have learned is that if you do have sex and feel pain. Immediately stop! If you associate sex with pain mentally in that moment, it may cause fear in doing so down the line so it’s best to stop the moment you feel any pain occur.
15. Work Life: I work a demanding job so it was not working with the appointments and care I needed to manage pain. Always get FMLA from your doctor for intermittent leave based on your company's policies. This protects you from flare-ups and appointments. Short Term Disability is based on your situation with work so talk with them about any leave of absence for surgery and recovery and ensure the medical providers fill out the paperwork appropriately.
16. Friends/Family: This one is the worst. I have to cancel and make plans all the time based on how I feel. I like to line up a bunch of plans for three months out and do my best to make them happen at the beginning of the month when I know I’m most likely to feel good. I just say I’ll make things up to them when I get better and those who have stuck around have been truly amazing friends, but don’t be upset that some might be over the day in and out of what you’re going through. It’s hard for you and sometimes others and it’s just a part of the relationships we’re meant to experience in life. Most people (unless they have endometriosis) don’t understand it so it can feel isolating, but there’s others out there who know what you’re going through and are willing to chat. Just gotta find them and reach out on social media, online etc..
17. Journaling Symptoms: Guilty of not being the best at this always, but it's good to track your symptoms to see how they work and operate. It helps not only you plan for it, but also your doctors in how best to handle your care. Take photos of things that make sense to show your doctors! Discharge, bowels etc..can sometimes help diagnose or judge with the images.
18. Next to Bed Kit: Make sure your nightstand is stocked with the essentials for your bad days. Makes it easier to access the items you need when you just can’t get up and get it.
19. Squatty Potty: Another thing that is majorly life changing on constipation days! Get one or you can make your own :) Take a stack of books and stack them at equal heights on each side and put your feet up. The trick is making sure you’re in a squat with your knees high to your ears.
20. Clothing: Dressing for this is key but you still want to look cute! Joggers with a stretchy waist are my go to pants, but wide leg trousers with a stretchy waist help with ease of removal but also comfort and brings some style to the look.
21. Pads: I wear Always Discreet vs. pads. I find when you need to wear them full time for incontinence it just makes it more comfortable. They have different cuts and styles so definitely check them out!

I've been fighting this contaminant for a while now, and I just need guidance to solve this problem because I cannot figure it out myself.
I am a DIY plater doing this at home; I have no specialized training, but I've been doing this for a few years now and am generally successful. I've read plenty of literature and have conducted many experiments; I've been mentored a little by a family member who used to work in an industrial plating facility, but his knowledge is limited.
The specific bath that gives me this contaminant is copper onto brass (and copper).
The solution is distilled white vinegar with salt added that I charge to make copper acetate.
I generally get very good results (see photo of rotor): plating is uniform and smooth with great adhesion.
HOWEVER, my anode tends to contaminate the solution over time (see photos of clean and contaminated anode: I BELIEVE the contaminant is oxidation).
In the solution, it starts as silt, and over time, if I let the anode sit in the solution without using it (for a month or longer), it accumulates into light-blue goo that covers everything in the bath; at its worst, the goo has built up to a centimeter thick.
Sometimes the contaminant starts showing up immediately in a clean bath.
But sometimes I can successfully plate 20 to 50 times before there are any signs of the contaminant accumulating (whenever it starts accumulating, the plating becomes blotchy and thin or it doesn't plate at all).
At first, I thought it might be the materials I use for my fixtures in the bath: I originally used ABS, acetal, and certain wires with insulation that are not chemically compatible with acetic acid; now all of my fixtures are made of PTFE and polypropylene, which, according to most chemical resistivity and reactivity charts, should remain inert in my plating bath, but the contaminant still accumulates.
I thought it might be the vinegar, so for a while I tried sulfuric acid baths, but, again, it still contaminated the same.
(I have not tried cyanide and I will not at home)
I've tried plating with the anode in and out of a polypropylene bag (I've also successfully used nylon in the past). Results are mixed both ways: with and without a bag over the anode, I sometimes get good results and sometimes get contamination.
I can't afford unlimited experiments, so at this point I just need help from someone more experienced.
If anybody has any ideas what might be causing this contamination or how to prevent it, I will appreciate advice.
If the problem IS oxidation, is there any way to prevent that? Why would it be an issue sometimes, but not all the time? Sometimes I can let the anode sit for days or weeks in vinegar or in open air without any oxidation; other times I can watch the anode oxidize in a matter of seconds.
Like I said, generally my results are VERY good. But this contaminant has become enough of an issue that I'm having to start over with new baths every couple of days, and it's a gamble whether or not it will contaminate immediately or give me several good platings.
Again, any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Copper Anode
Contaminated Anode
Plated Rotor: Smooth, Even Plating

Seriously, don't even attempt to trivialize it. It's not about waking you up at 3:00 am for mundane reasons like running out of milk or needing your Wi-Fi password. This entity, whatever it may be, operates outside our reality's bounds, and its motives are far from benign. I learned this the hard way recently, which is why I'm cautioning you all against making light of it. But before delving into specifics, let me offer some context, as sleep paralysis is a recent phenomenon for me.
One of my earliest memories of sleep disruption traces back to my grade school days. With my mother on an early shift unable to drive me to school for its 8:00 am start, she would drop me off at my aunt's house. Here, she ensured I was fed, dressed, and ready for school. Most mornings, I had just about an hour left to sleep before needing to rise. Often, I'd find myself in a half-asleep state from the moment my mom roused me until she tucked me into my aunt's spare bedroom.
On one of those mornings, as I lay down, teetering between wakefulness and sleep, I experienced a peculiar sensation. It felt as though my body began to rise, hovering about two feet above the bed, before swiftly plummeting back down. Startled awake, I assumed my mother had thrown me back onto the bed, only to find the room empty upon opening my eyes.
I hadn't encountered any other experiences quite like that, but it was during this time that I distinctly recall a notable surge in the frequency of the nightmares I was experiencing. The nightmares were generally the same, some cloaked being hiding in the recesses of my vision, always there, always watching. I felt as though each passing night terror that it got closer and closer to me, but always just out of reach. At times, I found myself trapped in a dark room, enveloped by an overwhelming sense of malevolence that seemed to saturate the air—and a fear entirely foreign to my waking experiences.
Then I experienced sleep paralysis for the first time.
It occurred at my mother's house, marking the initial instance where I experienced the sensation of my body being effectively immobilized while my mind remained active. I recall attempting to move my eyes and then my body, but all efforts were futile. As I struggled to regain autonomy, it sounded as though a gathering had convened in my kitchen, voices carrying in muted tones. None of the which resembled those of my parents; I even detected snickering and laughter at one point. The conversation seemed to be aimed at me, as my name was uttered several times, yet the other words remained indecipherable. The episode concluded with me returning to sleep without any further disturbances.
As the instances of sleep paralysis became more frequent, they culminated in another peculiar experience. Shortly after moving into my first apartment, still in the midst of unpacking and assembling furniture, the second incident occurred. I lay on a mattress on the floor, surrounded by unassembled bedframe pieces, when I awoke to find myself imprisoned within my own body once more. In the darkness, I heard a faint sound—a presence moving softly over each piece of furniture. Panic gripped me as I strained to turn my head towards the noise, but every effort proved futile. With each passing moment, the unseen entity drew closer until it reached the bedside. Helpless, I closed my eyes, bracing myself for whatever awaited.
Meow?
Relief washed over me as I realized it was just my generously proportioned feline friend making his way around the room. I could hear him moving about, stepping on more furniture and emitting a few disgruntled meows, presumably chastising my laziness for not assembling it yet. As I began to drift back to sleep, I was abruptly startled awake by a chilling sound.
Snnn-orrrff
A primal, guttural snarl pierced the silence, its menacing resonance echoing through the room like a thunderous roar. I struggled desperately to move my limbs, silently screaming in my mind, yet only managing a feeble whimper as I sensed the beast drawing near. Despite my efforts, my body only twitched, while in my imagination, I leapt up and fled. As a mischievous chuckle erupted, I felt hot, pungent breath on the back of my neck. I suddenly awoke, screaming, kicking and punching. I jerked my head to the side and was met only with darkness. I jumped up and turned the light on, a quick scan of the room revealed there was nothing there. Exhausted and recognizing my inability to function effectively, I reluctantly resigned myself to lying back down with the light on until morning. I called into work, knowing that in my current state, I wouldn't be of much use to anyone.
Days passed and soon, it was that time of the month again for my regular check-in from mom. I hesitantly answered the call. After a few minutes of conversation, we eventually broached the topic of my sleep paralysis.
"Honey, it's probably all the stress." she reasoned.
My job had me grinding away tirelessly, but despite my efforts, all I got was a tiny bump in pay. To add to the mix, my landlord decided it was the perfect time to raise the rent. It's safe to say, the stress was really getting to me. "I don't know, it's been happening my whole life, Dad ever had any issues with sleep?"
There was a noticeable pause as she contemplated her reply. "He's definitely had his share of nightmares, he'd wake me up a lot of the times, poor thing would be in tears."
"Jeez, I never knew, but Mom I gotta…" I endeavored to conclude the conversation, as my allotted chat time was expiring, however my mother promptly interrupted me.
"Sweetie, why won't you join us at church? It might help?"
I released a sigh. I staunchly opposed the notion of going to church; I'd rather watch a documentary on the history of paperclips. "Thanks, but I'm not feeling that right now."
"Please, just do it for me?" She pleaded.
Eager to bring the call to a close. "I'll think about, but, alright I'm going to go ahead a hop off here."
"Alright, I miss you, call me later okay?"
"I will, love you, bye."
I concluded the call with a sigh of relief, grateful for its conclusion.
For a stretch, life seemed to fall into place: My job noticed the disparity between my increased workload and pay and offered me a new position that significantly improved my financial situation. Thanks to this new position, I crossed paths with my wife, and we swiftly eloped. She was one of the top account managers, earning a substantial income, which enabled us to afford a nice house together. During this period, the night terrors and bouts of sleep paralysis took a hiatus, granting me a reprieve. Yet amidst the tranquility, a gnawing sense of foreboding lingered, as if a tempest loomed on the horizon, urging me to savor the calm while it lasted.
During this period, my wife and I had been eagerly anticipating the arrival of our first child. We were overjoyed as she reached the sixth month of her pregnancy, carrying our long-awaited daughter. However, my suspicions proved tragically correct. I'll never forget the heart-wrenching phone call from my wife, her voice choked with tears, informing me of the terrifying sight of blood. Hastening to the emergency room, we raced against time, but our efforts proved futile. We lost our precious daughter that day. The journey back home was a blur, engulfed in a suffocating sense of loss that seemed to consume us both. It felt as though a part of me had died alongside our daughter, and the profound grief only served to widen the chasm between us as time passed, transforming our once intimate bond into a hollow semblance of what it once was.
Sleep paralysis and nightmares began to resurface, as if some malevolent force was exploiting my already troubled state, and my ability to sleep dwindled. Additionally, minor habits and disparities in the early stages of our marriage, once insignificant, began escalating into cataclysmic arguments. By now, I'm certain even my breathing would agitate my wife. Despite experimenting with various medications, none proved effective. Even vigorous physical exercise failed to exhaust me enough for uninterrupted sleep. The situation escalated to the point where my wife banished me from the bedroom due to my incessant tossing and turning, disrupting her rest. Consequently, I found myself relegated to the couch. Resorting to alcohol became a regular occurrence, partly to numb the discomfort of the couch but also as a means of coping with my grief.
We barely conversed, even though she mentioned marriage counseling, I rebuffed the idea, convinced it wouldn't benefit us. Frequently, I'd discover her in tears, cradling the sonogram of our daughter, yet I would quietly withdraw, allowing her solitary moments of sorrow. She had her unique methods of grieving, just as I had mine.
"I can't keep doing this, we're drowning in debt, and you're just pushing us further into it with every bottle." She pointed to the glass in my hand.
"Oh, come on! I work hard for us, I deserve to unwind a bit!" In a moment of animated expression, I inadvertently spilled some of my beverage onto the floor.
"Unwind? You call draining our savings and neglecting our future 'unwinding'!?"
"Look, just let me sleep in my own bed tonight."
She crossed her arms, and for a moment, silence enveloped us before she finally spoke.
"I just—I feel like I'm living with a stranger." Her eyes begin to shimmer with emotion.
"I'm here, aren't I? What more do you want from me?!" My voice rising in volume.
She attempted to delicately take my drink away, her touch then shifting to gently grasp my hand. "I want us to be a team again, not just two people sharing a bed."
But the moment I felt her touch, I instinctively shoved her hands away from me. "We haven't been a 'team' since we lost—" My voice quivered, then exploded into rage. "You pushed me out! You did this! You don't talk to me about anything anymore! Just get the hell out!" I pointed to the door.
I stood in the open doorway, watching her car pull out of the driveway. With a final sip, I closed the door behind me. Met with silence, I sensed the weight of tension hanging heavy in the air. Deciding one more bourbon was in order, I made my way to the kitchen, intent on pouring myself one last drink. In a bid to ensure a restful night, I opted to accompany my indulgence in alcohol with a hefty dosage of sleeping pills. A reckless choice, I'm aware, but perhaps death was in fact the ultimate form of slumber. I settled onto the couch, flicking through channels until my libation was drained. Feeling sufficiently relaxed, I decided it was time for bed. Ascending the stairs, I stumbled and collapsed onto the master bedroom's mattress. Sleep enveloped me swiftly that night, yet trouble was never far behind.
I recall waking during the night and noticing that the hallway light remained illuminated. It struck me as odd since I distinctly remember switching it off before retiring to bed. However, given my inebriated state from the copious amounts of alcohol I had consumed, I surmised that I must have simply forgotten. I'd just get up and switch it off, but a wave of unease washed over me. Despite my intentions, I found myself paralyzed, trapped within my own body once again. I found myself transfixed on the door, illuminated by the soft glow seeping in from the hallway. In that moment, I discerned a shadowy figure lurking behind the door.
I hoped it was my wife, but a gut feeling told me otherwise; this time felt different, suffocated by an eerie malevolence. The doorknob rattled violently, as if something were struggling to open it. Yet, amidst the noise I caught a sinister snicker. The relentless jiggling of the doorknob reached a fever pitch, threatening to wrench it free from its socket at any instant. Then, as abruptly as it began, the tumult ceased, leaving an ominous silence hanging in the air. The door then creaked open with a slow, foreboding motion.
A sinister, shapeless presence loomed in the doorway, defying gravity as it hovered above the ground, its shadowy form exaggerated by the eerie glow seeping in from the hallway. I whimpered, struggling to stir my limbs in a futile attempt to awaken my body, but they responded only with slight twitches. My gaze remained fixed on the form before me, immobilized by fear. Suddenly, a sinuous appendage extended from the specter's face, resembling a long, black tentacle. It elongated and snaked toward me, prompting me to instinctively shut my eyes. Sensing its proximity, I remained frozen, an icy chill grazed my forehead, jolting me awake in an instant. Sleep eluded me for the rest of the night, so I opted for an early morning, brewing a pot of coffee to chase away the lingering unease.
For the following weeks, my routine remained monotonous: work, microwave dinner, then numbness induced by sleeping pills and bourbon until I could no longer keep my eyes open. I received a text from my mother-in-law stating that my wife wanted to reconcile, but insisted on therapy and my attendance at AA meetings. I refused, firmly convinced that all I desired was to reclaim my bed, and that her reaction was excessive. I contended that the alcohol provided comfort, a gesture I hadn't received from her in quite some time. My mother-in-law and wife were both displeased with my response; it became apparent that divorce was now the inevitable solution.
At this juncture, I experienced sleep paralysis on a daily basis, even in the absence of the entity. Each night, I would awaken multiple times, unable to move, only freeing myself to find dread awaiting the next episode upon returning to sleep. There was one rare night when I slept soundly, only to be abruptly awakened by a late-night call from an old friend. We had a bond stretching back to our middle school days, and were inseparable back then. However, this call wasn't one of nostalgia; it was about money. He needed a bailout for his mortgage, promising a swift repayment.
I moved to the edge of my bed, frustration mounting as I started to rub my forehead. "I can't, I just can't right now, I need to get back to sleep good—"
He interrupted me. "Please, I don't want to lose the house."
I found myself raising my voice in frustration as irritation crept in. It appeared he was wholly incapable of learning from his mistakes. "Look, it isn't my responsibility to bail you out every time you're in trouble!"
"I know, I know, please, at least do it for Eli, Chelsea left me all alone and it's been hard man." His voice starting to crack.
My voice raising to a near scream; "He isn't my responsibility either! You should have been careful! I told you she wasn't good for you and you didn't listen! Sort your own shit out from now on!"
I ended the call and slammed the phone onto my nightstand. So much for a good night's rest, thanks a lot, friend.
As my life spiraled further into chaos, I realized I needed to explore solutions beyond relying on alcohol and sleeping pills to combat sleep paralysis. Perhaps a spiritual approach was necessary. While I knew my mother would be pleased with this consideration, I'm certain what I had in mind would be vehemently discouraged. My mother firmly believed in the existence of demons, warning against interacting with them outside of 'God's protection'. Perhaps she was right, but I grew desperate for a solution. At this stage, I was willing to do anything for peace of mind, regardless of the consequences. So, I concocted a masterful plan:
I'd simply ask it what it would take to make it stop.
Each morning was fraught with dread, pondering whether the entity would manifest itself. I ensured to kickstart my day with a potent drink, maintaining a steady buzz throughout, perhaps to stave off any wavering doubts about my decision. My patience bore fruit one fateful night as I found myself immobilized once more.
This marked the initial instance when the entity directly addressed me, and its words seared into my memory with chilling permanence. It uttered abhorrent, repulsive, unfathomable insults about me, branding me a failure, devoid of worth, as insignificant as a microbe. It dissected my existence, critiquing my choices, appearance, and demeanor with a cruelty I had never encountered. It seemed to possess an uncanny ability to strike at the core of my being, as if it wielded a weapon honed to annihilate my spirit. And then, its merciless laughter echoed relentlessly.
In that moment, I recognized it as my opportunity to retort. However, the barrage of insults stoked a fire within me, igniting a fury that overpowered my intentions. What did this entity presume to know about me? It was entirely mistaken, and that infuriated me. Against my better judgment, fueled by indignation, I deviated from my plan and impulsively blurted out: "What's so damn funny?!"
As the words echoed in my mind, the laughter abruptly ceased, leaving behind an eerie silence. Relief flooded through me as I dared to hope that I had put an end to the ordeal. Yet, my premature celebration was cut short when an indescribable dread enveloped me. A black ichor oozed onto the floor beside my bed, signaling the beginning of a hellish spectacle. From the viscous sludge, a dark figure emerged, coated in sticky tar, yet defying gravity as it ascended, hovering above the ground.
Above me, it loomed, its weighty presence palpable as thick sludge cascaded onto the bed, it halted directly over me. Its head inclined, scrutinizing me with unseen gaze. Tears welled in my eyes, hot and unrestrained, as I braced for the inevitable embrace of death. The figure gradually descended, its feet pressing into my chest with an icy chill coursing through me. As its waist aligned with my sternum, a frigid sensation enveloped me. With a swift motion, it plunged its hand into my chest, seizing my heart, and darkness consumed my senses.
I felt a terrifying pull downward, as if gravity itself had gone haywire. My stomach churned with a sickening weightlessness, reminiscent of a plummeting elevator. As my descent abruptly halted, the sound of wind rushing in my ears gave way to a sudden explosion—a resounding burst, resembling the opening of a parachute. That's when I sensed something coiling around my waist, though invisible to my eyes. Desperate to break free, I reached out, only to recoil in horror as my fingers brushed against scaly, rough skin.
Simultaneously, the air filled with the echoing beat of what seemed like enormous wings, while I experienced the unsettling sensation of being lifted and dropped. Though I had a suspicion about what gripped me, disbelief held me back from fully acknowledging it. So, resigned, I surrendered to my captor's will, allowing them to transport me to an unknown destination. As the darkness yielded, a faint glow emerged beneath us—a jagged line emanating an eerie orange-red light. The creature descended, revealing a sight that churned my stomach: bubbling lava. Its faint glow barely illuminated what seemed to be a cavern.
As I descended further into the cavern's depths, the beast veered close enough for me to sense the searing warmth of the lava beneath my feet. Gradually, our descent stabilized, and my gaze shifted forward, revealing a massive door-like structure. Its design echoed the grandeur of ancient Gothic architecture, adorned with pointed arches and intricate buttresses. The edifice appeared crafted from a peculiar variety of marble, possessing a beauty tinged with an unsettling aura. Its construction defied convention, evoking a sense of unease; never before had anything been wrought in such a manner.
As the creature descended once more, carrying me firmly, we passed through the doorway, revealing the true scale of the chamber. Beyond the threshold, a vast expanse unfolded, illuminated by a solitary spherical light source, casting an unsettlingly dim glow upon a colossal, otherworldly mechanism. It resembled a colossal pillar, stretching upward into the darkness of the cavern, its details obscured by the dim light. Within its intricate workings, gears, wheels, and chains rotated at a languid pace. Amidst this mechanical labyrinth, my attention was drawn to a swirling mass of gray at the base of the mechanism, slowly undulating. The beast appeared to be steering us directly toward it.
As we drew nearer, we sailed past what appeared to be a platform, upon which perched a colossal beast. Its form resembled that of a massive reptilian creature, akin to what one might envision as a dinosaur. Yet, it stood upright on two legs, its powerful limbs chained firmly to the platform. With each short, sharp inhalation, it unleashed a deafening roar that reverberated through every fiber of my being. I couldn't help but notice the protrusion of its jugular vein, roughly the size of my upper thigh, expanding with each thunderous cry. As we approached the swirling mass of gray, a sudden wave of horror washed over me as I comprehended its true nature.
A sea of people.
I observed that they were all bound together by chains, encircling their arms, legs, and necks. These chains converged at the towering pillar, linking each individual to the mechanism. The mass of people moved in a circular motion, driving the turning of the cogs. Their pallid complexion suggested an absence of life, as if all vitality had been drained from them. Their agonized screams pierced the air, mouths devoid of tongues. I witnessed an individual collapse to their knees, only to be forcefully yanked upright by some unseen power, rest was an elusive notion in this place. To my horror, amidst the throng of young adults and the elderly, I saw children swept along by the relentless current of the crowd.
As the creature positioned me amidst the multitude, I pleaded desperately, but it was futile; the chains had already ensnared me. With each movement of the mass of people, I felt the tug on my own chain, pressed in on all sides without an inch of space to spare. The towering figures around me obscured any view beyond their heads, leaving me engulfed in a sea of bodies.
My voice pierced the chaotic symphony of screams, rising in a desperate plea for escape.
"Please! I don't belong here! I just wanted to sleep, this is a mistake!"
As I cried out, the orb of light began to shift, seemingly in response to my desperate appeals. As it drew closer and closer, a sense of dread gripped me. Hovering ominously above, it revealed itself as a grotesque monstrosity, casting a sickly glow that chilled me to the bone. I fought the overwhelming urge to collapse, my knees weakening with each passing moment. What loomed overhead defied any attempt at human description; it resembled a cluster of intertwining tubes, swirling and spiraling in a mesmerizing dance that transcended the bounds of reality. Bathed in a sickly blue light that pulsed like molten lava beneath its tendrils.
The light wrought a profound transformation within me, granting a clarity of self-awareness unlike anything I had ever known. In its piercing illumination, I was confronted with the raw truth of my being, stripped of illusion or denial. It was a sobering revelation, an awakening to the most authentic understanding of myself I had ever experienced.
I belonged here.
I had systematically driven away my friends, neglecting their presence and refusing to open up to them. Even my own mother's attempts at connection felt burdensome, our conversations reduced to mere obligations. But perhaps the greatest tragedy lay in the chasm that had formed between my wife and me—a divide entirely of my own making. I was the architect of my own downfall, responsible for the ruin of my life, with no one else to blame but myself. Every word the entity had uttered about me held a painful truth.
From this vantage point, my life appeared almost sweet in retrospect, bathed in the stark light of self-awareness. Yet, any semblance of hope quickly dissolved, for in this desolate realm, hope found no foothold, no sanctuary to thrive.
With my head bowed low, I trudged forward, the weight of my chain pulling me inexorably onward. In a moment of unprecedented vulnerability, I found myself offering a prayer. Despite my awareness that it would likely go unanswered, I embraced the grim reality of my fate, accepting it with a heavy heart.
God, have mercy on me…
Suddenly the sound of chains breaking shattered the air as I was yanked upward with astonishing velocity. In a sudden blur, the scene below shrank rapidly beneath me. The rush of wind buffeted me, and I sensed another presence, an arm wrapped around my waist. Clutching onto it tightly, I braced myself as the cavern's light faded into absolute darkness, squeezing my eyes shut against the unknown.
With a jolt, my rapid ascent came to an abrupt halt, my back colliding with something soft. Gradually, I realized I was back in the familiarity of my own bed. At the foot of the bed stood a figure, its features obscured by a radiant glow emanating from its form, resembling molten glass. The brilliance bathed the entire room in an ethereal light. For a fleeting moment, we locked gazes, suspended in a silent exchange. Then, as swiftly as it had appeared, the figure began to ascend, leaving my room cloaked once more in shadows.
I sat in silence for a while, grappling with the enormity of my experience. To dismiss it as a mere nightmare or hallucination would be a gross understatement; whatever transpired felt hauntingly more vivid and tangible than my current reality. It would take me months of introspection and contemplation to begin to make sense of it all, to reconcile the surreal with the mundane, and to find a semblance of peace within myself.
Although the experience didn't trigger an immediate transformation, its impact lingered, nudging me towards a path of change. Despite my ongoing struggle with alcohol addiction, I made a conscious decision to seek help. I began prioritizing regular hangouts with my best friend and even accompanied my mom to a few church visits. While I remained uncertain about my own connection to religion, witnessing her joy brought a sense of fulfillment that warmed my heart. In making her happy, I found a newfound source of happiness within myself.
As time passed, a sense of progress gradually infused my life. Achieving a year of sobriety marked a significant milestone on my journey, celebrated amidst the supportive community of AA. Even my wife took notice of my efforts towards self-improvement, leading us to embark on marriage counseling together. Before long, her return to our home signaled a hopeful new chapter in our relationship.
Not a trace of sleep paralysis had haunted me since that fateful night when I was guided from the depths of despair. I'm not entirely sure if it was an angel, or God, but whatever it was, it spared me, and for that, I'm grateful. And now, the most joyous news of all: my wife and I are expecting our first child next week. The doctors assure us of her perfect health, filling us with anticipation and gratitude. As for her name, I already have the perfect one in mind:
Grace

Blockages, curses & scams
This applies to online and IRL - be careful out there
Chances are you DON’T have a curse on you/been hexed/have an attachment/have blockage keeping your soul mate away or need all your negative energy cleansing - especially not for ludicrous sums of money. This scam is as old as they come and it still works today because of fear. You may be having a rough patch or going through a bad time is all. It happens to everyone, I promise you it will pass. As a witch I can tell you cursing someone takes a lot of time, knowledge, experience and effort, and unless you’re a particularly prominent and consistent evildoer, with the greatest of respect, you probably aren’t worth the effort. If you feel you may have been around negativity, there are simple cleanses you can perform yourself from a physical salt bath to visualisation of white light showers to sage smoke cleansing to lighting candles in your personal space. Look up ‘spiritual cleansing’ online and take your pick of whichever method resonates with you. There are as many methods as there are posts about it, what matters is your belief in it and as such should you believe you have a curse/hex/bad luck, you’ll find evidence to convince yourself of it, bringing about a self-fulfilling prophecy where your worry and anxiety distract you enough to cause more accidents and mishaps. If someone recommends crystals to you, try sourcing them yourself, there are some very pretty painted rocks and glass shards out there, and sometimes even experts struggle to identify what a particular rock is. Needing numerous energy cleansing or soul contract breaking spells for the cost of a months rent is ALWAYS a scam.
This is just an excerpt from a longer post about common scams, if you’d like to read the full post (recommended if you’re new or haven’t already) it’s here
https://www.reddit.com/Psychic/comments/rju1no/cleansing_curses_and_scams/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

When our characters suffer addiction we know little about we should look up these different things to add into the description of the traits to provide more depth and reality to them. It makes it more three dimensional and can build into different subplots that are integrated into a larger storyline.
Here are just a few of the things people are addicted to and how those addictions are manifested into traits that are part of a full character profile.

1. Alcohol:
   
   • Dependence
   • Craving
   • Tolerance
   • Withdrawal symptoms
   • Loss of control
2. Tobacco:
   
   • Nicotine dependence
   • Habitual use
   • Respiratory issues
   • Withdrawal symptoms
   • Health deterioration
3. Cocaine:
   
   • Intense euphoria
   • Increased energy
   • Agitation
   • Paranoia
   • Rapid heart rate
4. Heroin:
   
   • Euphoria
   • Drowsiness
   • Needle marks
   • Respiratory depression
   • Nausea
5. Marijuana:
   
   • Altered perception
   • Memory impairment
   • Lack of coordination
   • Dependence
   • Impaired judgment
6. Prescription opioids:
   
   • Pain relief
   • Sedation
   • Dependence
   • Tolerance
   • Respiratory depression
7. Benzodiazepines:
   
   • Anxiety relief
   • Sedation
   • Dependence
   • Withdrawal symptoms
   • Memory impairment
8. Methamphetamine:
   
   • Increased alertness
   • Euphoria
   • Agitation
   • Psychotic symptoms
   • Cardiovascular issues
9. Gambling:
   
   • Compulsive behavior
   • Financial losses
   • Obsessive thoughts
   • Relationship strain
   • Chasing losses
10. Video games:
    
    • Escapism
    • Social isolation
    • Obsessive gaming
    • Impaired daily functioning
    • Disrupted sleep
11. Social media:
    
    • Constant checking
    • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
    • Validation-seeking behavior
    • Time distortion
    • Negative impact on mental health
12. Internet:
    
    • Excessive online time
    • Cyber addiction
    • Social disconnection
    • Impact on real-life relationships
    • Compulsive browsing
13. Shopping:
    
    • Compulsive buying
    • Financial strain
    • Temporary emotional relief
    • Hoarding tendencies
    • Impaired financial decision-making
14. Work:
    
    • Workaholism
    • Neglect of personal life
    • Burnout
    • Constant need for achievement
    • Difficulty delegating tasks
15. Exercise:
    
    • Compulsive exercising
    • Exercise as a primary source of identity
    • Physical strain
    • Disregard for rest and recovery
    • Negative impact on mental health
16. Food:
    
    • Binge eating
    • Emotional eating
    • Loss of control
    • Negative body image
    • Compulsive overeating
17. Sugar:
    
    • Craving for sugary foods
    • Energy crashes
    • Weight gain
    • Increased risk of health issues
    • Difficulty moderating intake
18. Coffee:
    
    • Caffeine dependence
    • Increased tolerance
    • Physical withdrawal symptoms
    • Disrupted sleep
    • Jitters and restlessness
19. Tea:
    
    • Caffeine dependence
    • Ritualistic consumption
    • Calming effect
    • Impact on hydration
    • Withdrawal headaches
20. Energy drinks:
    
    • Excessive caffeine intake
    • High sugar content
    • Stimulant-induced alertness
    • Potential health risks
    • Dependency for energy boost
21. Sex:
    
    • Compulsive sexual behavior
    • Relationship strain
    • Risky sexual activities
    • Obsessive thoughts
    • Impact on daily functioning
22. Pornography:
    
    • Excessive consumption
    • Escapism
    • Distorted views of relationships
    • Impact on sexual health
    • Relationship strain
23. Prescription medications:
    
    • Dependence on medication
    • Over-reliance
    • Impact on physical health
    • Potential for misuse
    • Tolerance
24. Codeine:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Respiratory depression
    • Misuse potential
25. LSD:
    
    • Altered perception
    • Hallucinations
    • Distorted sense of time
    • Potential for psychological distress
    • Flashbacks
26. MDMA (Ecstasy):
    
    • Increased empathy
    • Euphoria
    • Dehydration
    • Hyperactivity
    • Potential for overheating
27. Ketamine:
    
    • Dissociation
    • Hallucinations
    • Impaired motor function
    • Dependence
    • Bladder and urinary issues
28. Inhalants:
    
    • Euphoria
    • Dizziness
    • Short-term hallucinations
    • Potential for brain and organ damage
    • Sudden sniffing death
29. Caffeine:
    
    • Stimulant effects
    • Dependence
    • Withdrawal headaches
    • Increased heart rate
    • Insomnia
30. Nicotine:
    
    • Stimulant effects
    • Dependence
    • Withdrawal symptoms
    • Increased heart rate
    • Respiratory issues
31. Sex:
    
    • Compulsive sexual behavior
    • Relationship strain
    • Risky sexual activities
    • Obsessive thoughts
    • Impact on daily functioning
32. Pornography:
    
    • Excessive consumption
    • Escapism
    • Distorted views of relationships
    • Impact on sexual health
    • Relationship strain
33. Prescription medications:
    
    • Dependence on medication
    • Over-reliance
    • Impact on physical health
    • Potential for misuse
    • Tolerance
34. Codeine:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Respiratory depression
    • Misuse potential
35. LSD:
    
    • Altered perception
    • Hallucinations
    • Distorted sense of time
    • Potential for psychological distress
    • Flashbacks
36. MDMA (Ecstasy):
    
    • Increased empathy
    • Euphoria
    • Dehydration
    • Hyperactivity
    • Potential for overheating
37. Ketamine:
    
    • Dissociation
    • Hallucinations
    • Impaired motor function
    • Dependence
    • Bladder and urinary issues
38. Inhalants:
    
    • Euphoria
    • Dizziness
    • Short-term hallucinations
    • Potential for brain and organ damage
    • Sudden sniffing death
39. Caffeine:
    
    • Stimulant effects
    • Dependence
    • Withdrawal headaches
    • Increased heart rate
    • Insomnia
40. Painkillers:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Tolerance
    • Dependence
    • Risk of overdose
    • Respiratory depression
41. Sleeping pills:
    
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Tolerance
    • Impaired cognitive function
    • Disrupted sleep patterns
42. Compulsive lying:
    
    • Habitual dishonesty
    • Concealing the truth
    • Strained relationships
    • Loss of trust
    • Need for constant validation
43. Plastic surgery:
    
    • Body dysmorphic tendencies
    • Constant pursuit of perfection
    • Psychological impact
    • Financial strain
    • Societal pressure
44. Cutting/self-harm:
    
    • Coping mechanism
    • Emotional release
    • Negative emotions relief
    • Risk of infection
    • Concealing scars
45. Powecontrol:
    
    • Manipulative behavior
    • Desire for dominance
    • Strained relationships
    • Lack of empathy
    • Fear-based control
46. Fame:
    
    • Constant pursuit of recognition
    • Validation-seeking behavior
    • Impact on mental health
    • Shifting priorities
    • Loss of privacy
47. Attention:
    
    • Constant need for validation
    • Disregard for personal boundaries
    • Impact on relationships
    • Social media-centric behavior
    • Self-worth tied to attention
48. Sugar-sweetened beverages:
    
    • High sugar content
    • Increased calorie intake
    • Weight gain
    • Tooth decay
    • Dependency on sugary drinks
49. Fast food:
    
    • High-fat content
    • High calorie intake
    • Dependence on convenience
    • Weight gain
    • Negative impact on health
50. Selfies:
    
    • Constant need for self-documentation
    • Validation-seeking behavior
    • Impact on self-esteem
    • Comparison to others
    • Social media-centric behavior
51. Cosmetic procedures:
    
    • Desire for physical enhancement
    • Psychological impact
    • Financial strain
    • Body dysmorphic tendencies
    • Societal pressure
52. Hoarding:
    
    • Compulsive accumulation of possessions
    • Difficulty discarding items
    • Impaired living space
    • Emotional attachment to objects
    • Strained relationships
53. Overeating:
    
    • Binge eating episodes
    • Emotional eating
    • Loss of control
    • Negative impact on physical health
    • Guilt and shame
54. Prescription stimulants:
    
    • Increased alertness
    • Improved focus and concentration
    • Dependence
    • Tolerance
    • Potential for misuse
55. Over-the-counter drugs:
    
    • Self-medication
    • Potential for misuse
    • Dependency
    • Health risks
    • Lack of professional guidance
56. Romantic relationships:
    
    • Codependency
    • Obsessive thoughts
    • Fear of abandonment
    • Emotional highs and lows
    • Strained personal identity
57. Codependency:
    
    • Excessive reliance on others
    • Neglect of personal needs
    • Difficulty setting boundaries
    • Fear of rejection
    • Strained relationships
58. Social approval:
    
    • Constant need for validation
    • Fear of judgment
    • Impact on self-esteem
    • Conforming behavior
    • Social media-centric validation
59. Thrill-seeking:
    
    • Constant pursuit of excitement
    • Risk-taking behavior
    • Impaired judgment
    • Adrenaline dependence
    • Impact on personal safety
60. Narcotics:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Tolerance
    • Health risks
61. Designer drugs (e.g., bath salts):
    
    • Intense euphoria
    • Hallucinations
    • Agitation
    • Increased heart rate
    • Severe health risks
62. Over-the-counter cough medicine abuse:
    
    • Euphoria
    • Dizziness
    • Hallucinations
    • Impaired coordination
    • Health risks
63. Social media stalking:
    
    • Compulsive checking of profiles
    • Intrusive thoughts
    • Obsessive behavior
    • Impact on mental well-being
    • Strained personal relationships
64. Fear of missing out (FOMO):
    
    • Constant need to be involved
    • Anxiety about social events
    • Comparison to others
    • Impact on mental health
    • Social media-centric anxiety
65. Collecting:
    
    • Compulsive acquisition of items
    • Difficulty discarding possessions
    • Emotional attachment to collections
    • Strained living space
    • Financial strain
66. Fantasy sports addiction:
    
    • Excessive time spent on fantasy sports
    • Impact on work or relationships
    • Obsessive tracking of player stats
    • Financial investment
    • Escapism from reality
67. Conspiracy theories obsession:
    
    • Constant consumption of conspiracy content
    • Alienation from mainstream information
    • Impact on critical thinking
    • Strained relationships
    • Difficulty accepting evidence-based information
68. Extreme diets:
    
    • Obsessive focus on dieting
    • Impact on physical health
    • Emotional distress related to food
    • Social isolation due to dietary restrictions
    • Negative body image
69. Extreme couponing:
    
    • Compulsive pursuit of discounts
    • Hoarding of coupons
    • Excessive stockpiling of items
    • Impact on financial well-being
    • Strained living space
70. Internet trolling:
    
    • Habitual provocative online behavior
    • Seeking emotional reactions
    • Anonymity-driven aggression
    • Strained online communities
    • Legal consequences
71. Spiritual bypassing:
    
    • Avoidance of negative emotions through spirituality
    • Denial of personal challenges
    • Strained relationships
    • Lack of emotional authenticity
    • Disconnect from reality
72. Extreme minimalism:
    
    • Compulsive decluttering
    • Obsessive focus on possessions
    • Strained relationships due to minimalistic lifestyle
    • Anxiety about material belongings
    • Rigidity in lifestyle choices
73. Gaming loot box addiction:
    
    • Compulsive spending on in-game purchases
    • Chasing virtual rewards
    • Financial strain
    • Impact on real-life responsibilities
    • Gambling-like behavior
74. Rumination:
    
    • Constant overthinking
    • Obsessive focus on past mistakes
    • Impact on mental health
    • Difficulty moving forward
    • Strained relationships
75. Approval-seeking behavior:
    
    • Constant need for validation
    • Fear of rejection
    • Impact on decision-making
    • Strained authenticity
    • Mental health implications
76. News addiction:
    
    • Compulsive consumption of news
    • Anxiety related to current events
    • Impact on mental well-being
    • Difficulty disconnecting from news cycle
    • Strained worldview
77. Anger addiction:
    
    • Habitual anger expression
    • Seeking confrontation
    • Strained relationships
    • Negative impact on mental health
    • Legal consequences
78. Religious zealotry:
    
    • Extreme devotion to religious beliefs
    • Intolerance of other perspectives
    • Strained relationships with non-believers
    • Willingness to harm others in the name of faith
    • Resistance to critical thinking
79. Mindless scrolling:
    
    • Excessive time spent on scrolling through content
    • Impact on productivity
    • Impaired attention span
    • Social isolation
    • Disrupted sleep patterns

Let me preface this by saying I work in acute psychiatry, and have for almost four years. Our people are mobile and full of strength, so it’s not always as easy as walking away, and sometimes if you say the sky is blue, they’ll argue it’s orange.
As the title says! I got called all sort of fun things today, some of it passively aggressively, some of it directly to my face, for 10 of the 16 hours I worked. But! I’m finding comfort in the fact that I can have a beer, have a bath, and spend quality time with my dog. I have some nice Epsom salts, and can spend the day planting flowers and napping, as I switch over to nights from days tomorrow. Life is actually still really good, because it is in fact, just a bad day, but not a bad life. I can be a bit of a hard ass, but I feel that if it wasn’t me, it would be whoever else had this assignment.
To be consistent with the flair, what are some of your hard feelings after a less than stellar shift; I know I felt especially disheartened and demoralized after this one.

Does anyone remember this line of dialog from the original 90s TMNT cartoon? In the episode a dump truck pours a big mountain of salt on a farm and all the cows come up and start licking it, and then Shredder says the line. Kid me was seriously confused like “wtf, cows like salt?” It was just SO random lol.
I am desperately trying to find this scene on YouTube but I can’t find it! Starting to wonder if I totally hallucinated it! Does anyone know which season and episode number??

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JO MALONE
Cologne Intense - 100ML / $115 - 50ML / $75
100 ML & 50 ML :
Myrrh and Tonka
Red Hibiscus
Oud and Bergamot
Scarlet Poppy
Velvet Oud and Rose
100 ML :
Rose and White Musk Absolu ($175)
Gardenia and Oud Absolu ($175)
Cypress and Grapevine
Huntsman Collection Whisky and Cedarwood
Dark Amber and Ginger Lily
50 ML :
Jasmin Sambac and Marigold
PARTIALS $108 :
Jasmin Sambac and Marigold 98/100 ML
Oud and Bergamot 95/100 ML
Jo Malone Cologne
Cologne - 100 ML / $85 - 50 ML / $60
100 ML :
Orange Blossom w/ Box ($90)
Nectarine Blossom and Honey w/ Box ($90)
English Pear and Sweet Pea w/ Box ($90)
English Pear and Fressia w/ Box ($90)
Wood Sage Sea Salt w/ Box ($90)
Lime Basil and Mandarin
English Pear and Sweet Pea
Wood Sage and Sea Salt
English Oak and Hazelnut
Pomegranate Noir
Basil Neroli
Nectarine Blossom and Honey
English Pear and Fressia
Nashi Blossom
Silver Birch and Lavender
Honeysuckle and Davana
Orange Blossom
Mimosa and Cardamom
Moonlit Camomile
White Moss and Snowdrop
Frangipani Flower
Starlit Mandarin and Honey
Fig and Lotus Flower
Peony and Blush Suede
Bitter Mandarin
50 ML :
Rose Amber ($85)
Silver Birch and Lavender
Osmanthus Blossom
Nashi Blossom
Bitter Mandarin
PARTIALS $75 :
Wild Bluebell 98/100 ML
Black Cedarwood and Juniper 100 ML
English Pear and Fressia 99/100 ML
Mimosa and Cardamom 98/100 ML
Peony and Blush Suede 98/100 ML
Honeysuckle and Davana 98/100 ML
Basil Neroli 95/100 ML
Peony and Blush Suede 95/100 ML
30 ML TRAVLERS : $35 Each - 2 For $65 - 3 For $95
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Peony and Blush Suede
English Pear and Fressia
Wild Bluebell
Mimosa and Cardamom
Basil and Neroli
Red Roses
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Givenchy Irresistible Rose Velvet 80 ML - $65
Spicebomb Nightvision EDT 90 ML - $65
Hermes H24 EDT 100 ML - $60
Flowerbomb EDP 30 ML - $40
BNIB :
FOR HIM :
Dior Suavage EDT 200 ML - $135
Aqua di Gio EDP 200 ML - $115
Aqua di Gio Parfum 75 ML - $105
YSL Y EDP 100 ML - $105
Valentino Uomo Born In Roma EDT 100 ML - $105
Spicebomb Extreme 90 ML - $95
YSL Myslf 60 ML - $85
Prada Luna Rossa Ocean EDP 100 ML - $85
Acqua di Gio Profondo 75 ML - $85
Gucci Guilty EDP 90 ML - $85
FOR HER :
Burberry Her Elixir 100 ML - $135
Chanel Coco Mademoiselle 100 ML - $135
Miss Dior EDP 100 ML - $130
Chanel No 5 L'Eau 100 ML - $115
Hermes 24 Faubourg EDP 100 ML - $115
Valentino Donna Born In Roma Intense EDP 50 ML - $110
Burberry Goddess 100 ML - $110
Gucci Gorgeous Magnolia 100 ML - $100
Chanel Chance Eau Fraiche EDP 50 ML - $99
Burberry Her EDP 100 ML - $95
Gucci Bloom Intense 100 - $90
Miss Dior Rose N'Roses 100 ML - $90
Lancome Idole Nectar 100 ML - $90
Gucci Bloom Profumo Di Fiori 100 ML - $90
Carolina Herrera VERY Good Girl 80 ML - $90
Hermès Eau de Pamplemousse Rose 100 ML - $85
YSL Black Opium Over Red 30 ML - $80
Lancome Idole Nectar 50 ML - $70
YSL Mon Paris Lumiere EDT 30 ML - $65
Kylie Jenner Cosmic 100 ML - $65
YSL Libre EDT 30 ML - $65
BRAND NEW NO BOX :
FOR HIM :
Sauvage Elixir 100 ML - $175 (No Cap)
Bleu de Chanel Parfum 100 ML - $150 (Tester)
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Chanel Alure Homme Edition Blanche 100 ML - $130 (Tester)
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Chanel Allure Homme Sport Eau Extreme 100 ML- $125 (Tester)
Gucci Guilty Pour Homme Elixir 60 ML - $120
Sauvage Elixir 60 ML - $120
YSL Y EDP Intense 100 ML - $110
YSL Y EDP 100 ML - $100
Chanel Allure Homme Sport 100 ML - $95 ( Tester)
Chanel Allure Homme Sport Cologne 100 ML - $95 ( Tester)
Phantom Parfum 100 ML - $95
Dolce Gabana Devotion EDP 100 ML - $95
Prada L'Homme EDT 100 ML - $90
Burberry Hero EDP 100 ML - $90
YSL L'Homme Le Parfum 100 ML - $90
Bad Boy Le Parfum 100 ML - $85
Spicebomb Infrared EDP - 90 ML - $85
YSL La Nuit De L'Homme 100 ML - $85
Aqua di Gio EDP 75 ML - $85
Terre d'Hermes Eau Givree 100 ML - $80
Terre d'Hermes Parfum 75 ML - $80
Hermes H24 EDP 100 ML - $75
Burberry Hero EDT 100 ML - $75 (No Cap)
Valentino Uomo Born In Roma EDT 50 ML - $75
Invictus Victory EDP Extreme 100 ML - $75
FOR HER :
Aerin Rose de Grasse Parfum 50 ML - $175
Burberry Her Elixir 100 ML - $145
Burberry Her EDP 150 ML - $145
Miss Dior Absolutely Blooming 100 ML - $125 (No Cap)
Chanel Chance Eau Tendre EDP 100 ML - $115 (Tester)
Carolina Herrera Good Girl EDP 80 ML - $100
Tory Burch Signature 100 ML - $100
Hermes Elixir des Merveilles 100 ML - $100
La Perla Luminous 90 ML - $100
Chanel No 5 Eau Premiere 100 ML - $95
Armani My Way EDP 90 ML - $95
Burberry Her EDP 100 ML - $90
Kayali Lovefest Burning Cherry 48 - $90
Chloe Atelier Des Fleurs Magnolia Alba 75 ML - $90
YSL Mon Paris 90 ML - $90
Cartier Must EDT 100 ML - $90
Guerlain Shalimar EDT 90 ML - $90
Soir Eau Du Soir 100 ML - $90
Cartier La Panthere EDP 75 ML - $90
Aerin Mediterranean Honeysuckle Clementina 50 ML - $90
Aerin Hibiscus Palm 50 ML - $90
Cartier Baiser Vole Parfum 100 ML - $85
Valentino Donna Born in Roma EDP 50 ML - $85
Carolina Herrera VERY Good Girl 80 ML - $85
YSL Black Opium Illicit Green 75 ML - $85
MCM Ultra EDP 75 ML - $80
Armani Si Passione Eclat 50 ML - $80
Tory Burch Sublime Rose 90 ML - $80
YSL Opium 90 ML - $75
YSL Mon Paris Intensement 30 ML - $65
La Vie Est Belle Intensement 50 ML - $65 (No Cap)
OUAI Rue St Honore & North Bondi 50 ML's - $50 (Both)
PARTIALS :
Dior Suavage EDP 100 ML w/ Box - $110
Gucci Guilty Pour Homme Elixir 60 ML - $105
Armani Code Parfum 125 ML - $105
Prada Paradoxe 90 ML - $100
Tiffany & Co Rose Gold 75 ML - $90
Carolina Herrera Good Girl EDP 80 ML - $90
Chanel Allure Homme Sport 100 ML - $89 (Tester)
Gentleman Reserve Privee 100 ML w/ Box - $80
CDG Man 2 40/100 ML - $60
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Replica
BNIB :
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By The Fireplace Set (30 ML Bottle + 10 ML Traveler + 7 ML Dribbler ) - $75
Jazz Club Travel Set (30 ML + 10 ML ) - $75 (No Cover)
By The Fireplace ( 30 ML + Candle ) - $60
100 ML :
$85 :
Flower Market
By The Fireplace
Jazz Club
When the Rain Stops
Spring Time in A Park
By The Fireplace Refill
On a Date
Beach Walk
Bubble Bath
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Under The Stars (98/100)
Bubble Bath
Autumn Vibes
By The Fire Place
When The Rain Stops
From The Garden
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Oh my god what an existence living with scabies is.
So It was about two months ago me and my wife first started feeling the itch. Fast forward to today and now here we are having self diagnosed ourselves. After trawling the internet for info on what our symptoms were we finally came to the conclusion that it resembled scabies more than anything else. This was after our GP's failed to identify it and just sent us away with a prescription for antihistamines and creams such as cetroben and eurax.
So to try identify if it was scabies I came across an interesting post on Reddit by someone who had purchased a hand held digital microscope camera that you plug into your phone, tablet, laptop or pc (doesn't support iPhone or iPad) and through an app you can see what's on the surface of your skin zoomed in 50-1000x. I found one for only £17 that is pretty decent once you get the hang of it (https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/315008587644). I used it for a while zooming in on spots that itched. Didn't find anything parasitic until a few days ago when I saw it's brown head & legs and whitish/clear round to elongated body. My heart just fucking sank as I was hoping I wouldn't find any such thing so as to avoid the stress of dealing with it. So having read that they don't go away by themselves and this itching was driving me up the fucking wall I kept looking and found a few more burrows that snaked like a river with a little bastard sat right there at the end laying eggs and eating away at me . My body just does not like it and if the immune system didn't have an itch response then we wouldn't know it was happening other than spots and burrows but if there was no uncomfortableness then it would probably be ignored as there would be no urgency, which is what the immune system is doing in us. It's creating a problem of discomfort of the type that's makes us want to scratch the fuck out out of these parasites and remove them from under our skin but that can cause infection and it looks fucking awful too. But on top of that it's the social anxiety it brings about knowing that you can pass these little bastards onto other people. And also the stigma attached to it because of it being so contagious you think you'll be treated like a leper.
So, knowing that these little fuckers can be defeated I go to war to destroy every last fucking one of them. So come on let's try all these different remedies. Another way I'm getting rid of them is cutting the fuckers out with a shaving razor. Sometimes the blade can slice into or under the raised bit of skin that the scabie is in and removed it. This would cause a slight laceration but nothing worse than your typical shaving cut with a razor.
So, I've being having salt baths with large amounts of salt and rubbing on eurax, which helps with itching if nothing else, and rubbing on a mixture of sweet almond oil and tea tree oil. I don't know if these have helped do anything to affect the mites but after I first identified my first one I went to the chemist and showed him the mites that I'd photographed with my microscope camera and he agreed they were scabies and prescribed me and my wife some permethrin which we put on last night. I lathered the stuff on so I hope it worked but if not I'm ready for round two you motherfuckers. I'm coming after you. I'll do another round on you with permethrin and if that don't work I'll try something else either 5% malathion or 10% sulphur. And if these don't work I'll have to go nuclear. Fuck knows how yet though. Maybe take a trip to the dead sea and bath in it for a few days so my skin can soak in all that salt and Sulphur that healed the lepers .

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Cobalt Gourami was fine last night I woke up this morning to her laying on her side on the bottom of the tank, parameters were 76 degrees, around 7.0 ph, >0.25 ppm ammonia, 0 nitrites and about 5ppm nitrate so I did a 40% water change took her out gave her a epsom salt bath. Since then she hasn’t moved from the bottom of the tank for around 2 hours will not eat and I cannot see her breathing but when I went to remove her again she swam out of the net and laid back on the bottom at first I assumed swim bladder issue as she was swimming sideways in the top water but within 15 minutes went to laying on bottom. Should I treat for infection, do water changes and see if she improves or just go ahead with euthanasia like I said she has 0 quality of life and with the rapid deterioration and known issues with gouramis I fear I’d be wasting time and money. I know it’s ultimately up to me and my judgement but wondering what you would do in this situation?

This is more of a rant than anything else, but I just had to talk about it. This post is kinda lengthy, so there'l be a TL;DR at the bottom. I'll still do my best to keep it short.
My (26M) girlfriend (24F), who I've been together with for over a year now, has a 9 year old niece, let's call her Emma. Emma's mother broke up with her father when she was 6, because he just didn't do his part of the whole parenting thing. He pushed all the responsibility away from him and onto Emma's mother. He might make a great weekend parent, but that's about it. He gets her every other weekend, the rest of the time she's with her mother. Emma always wanted to have a sibling, but due to health complications, Emma's mother (31F) isn't capable of getting another child. A rare genetic mutation runs through her family that increases breast cancer chance from an average of 5% to a whopping 89%. All females on my gf's family's side have or will have their breasts taken off before they hit 28, and their uterus taken out once they hit 40.
Emma's mother already had breast cancer, and they removed her chest. However, on her end, her genetic mutation's severety is increased by hormones produced during ovulation, so she has to take a medicine that basically disables her womb entirely. She will have to take this medicine until they can remove her womb, never allowing her to have another kid ever again. She's been trying non stop to get another kid, but sadly, she suffered 4 failed births, and I, as a man, could never imagine what that does to a mother, especially since her child was almost begging for a sibling.
Now comes the point where calamity struck. The ex of Emma's mother got another girl pregnant. Emma finally got the sibling she asked for, but even tho this should be a reason to celebrate, Emma's mother was heartbroken, desperately wanting another child herself. It didn't help that Emma was basically talking 24/7 about her new brother, which really just poured even more salt in her mother's wound.
On monday, she (Emma's mother) went to work in the morning normally, but after half a day had passed, she complained about incredible lower abdominal pain and feeling sick, so they took her to the hospital. There they diagnosed her with an inflamed pancreas, caused by a gall blader stone preventing this yellow liquid stuff from running out of her pancreas. They operated her by removing the stone and leaving a stent to keep the hole open, but during the operation she threw up and parts of it landed in her lungs. This caused a chain reaction in her body, and she's currently intubated, laying on ICU, with failing kidneys, an inflamed pancreas, an inflamed lung and high fever, fighting for her live.
Emma's father on the other hand is completely overwhelmed with taking care of Emma and the infant, because his girlfriend is a dragon and forces her will upon him, which slowly deteriorates Emma's relationship to him. When she's around, she ignores Emma completely. When she's at her place, Emma isn't allowed over for no reason. Currently, she's laying in hospital with back pain, leaving the 4 days old infant at home. This man who barely knows how to father was tasked with taking care of an infant. Additionally, he has to take care of his 9 year old daughter, Emma, who is frightened ahout the fate of her mother and wants nothing more than to get comforted by her parent, and both of thay combined is too much for him, so what's the logical conclusion? If you guessed taking the infant to the hospital to it's mother, you're wrong! He kicked Emma out!
My girlfriend and I of course picked her up and took her in. We had to improvise for dinner and re-schedule our entire evening, make her do her homework, bath her, prepare her school bag for tomorrow, all that kind of stuff, cause her lousy father wasn't able to do just that for her yesterday.
I'm currently chilling on the couch because we don't have a spare bedroom ready and Emma has a great connection to my gf, and I can't sleep because I'm so upset about all of this. Neither Emma nor her mother deserved what happened to them, and if worst case scenario strikes, what is this incompetent fool gonna do with this child? My gf and I fear for the worst. We've been talking about it, and came to the conclusion that, if Emma's mother doesn't make it, we might persuade Emma's father to give her up for adoption so we can take her in. I know it sounds cruel, but Emma's life would be hell if the girlfriend of her father was involved hin her life, and first and foremost, we care for Emma. Emma and I are starting to get along great too, I'm helping her with school work and her math grades have already improved. Is it wrong for us to think this way? Emma's father has always been a terrible father.
TL;DR my girlfriend's niece's father kicked her out while her mother is in the hospital, fighting for her life, because he is overwhelmed with the responsibility of having her and a newborn from his new girlfriend in.