This review is based on an eARC (Advance Reading Copy) provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review and can also be found on my blog. Navola will be released on July 9, 2024.
Paolo Bacigalupi is an author that hit big while I was in a reading hiatus. I missed the boat, but I’ve been meaning to circle back around and try his stuff. And while I don’t read quite as many big, fat fantasies as I used to, I still have a soft spot for them. So when I saw he was releasing an intricate historical fantasy with plenty of backstabbing and politics, I thought Navola was a great opportunity to give his work a try.
Navola takes place in a heavily Italian-inspired fantasy world and follows the son of a powerful banking family as he struggles to live up to the cunning intelligence of his father and grandfather. It’s a slow build, following the lead from childhood into adolescence and early adulthood, and though the dragon eye on the cover is more than just window dressing, the story leans much more to the historical fantasy than to the magical. This is without a doubt a book for fans of politics and scheming.
As perhaps should be unsurprising, Navola starts laying the groundwork for the political plots very quickly, but it takes a long time for the lead or the reader to really grasp the shape of things. The lead is long on empathy and short on ambition, and though he tries to be a dutiful son, none of the political maneuvering really comes naturally. And so we see his adolescence—the lessons, the friendships, the horniness, the doubts about his chosen path, all of it. And while it may not be clear exactly where the story is going during that time, it’s clear enough that it is indeed going somewhere, and the quality of the prose is high enough that reading never feels like a chore, even when the plot is opaque.
And when the big seeds of plotting come due, they do so in a rush of blood and thunder that makes the book almost impossible to put down. There are times where the reader may see twists coming before the naive narrator does, but not so early that it spoils the tension or prevents those big moments from being utterly engrossing.
For readers in search of sympathetic characters, there aren’t many. The lead’s empathy makes him one of the likeliest, but his adolescence shows off as much or more self-centeredness as you’d expect from a teenager, and the world is desperate to shape him into a manipulator who trusts no one and loves no one outside his own family. Make no mistake, this is a book written for those seeking a tale that’s short on goodness and trust and long on manipulation and violence. It gets dark—there’s backstabbing, torture, sexual violence—but it’s certainly entertaining always waiting to see which twist is happening next.
Navola also isn’t an end to the story. In many ways, this is a book focused on shaping the main character to be what he needs to be for the rest of the series. A lot happens from a plot perspective, but it’s not a book that ends on a hero having accomplished his primary goal. There are significant character and plot arcs that more than justify Navola being its own book and not a mere piece of another book, but it’s absolutely designed as a series-starter.
So should you read this book? Well, it depends on what you’re after. Thematically, it has plenty to say on how the hunger for power and wealth creates a world of violence and mistrust, but those aren’t exactly observations you can’t find explored just as well elsewhere. Really, this depends on what kind of fantasy you enjoy. If you’re a fan of dark, gritty political fantasy and don’t mind buckling up for a slow-building series of doorstoppers, step right up. That’s what Bacigalupi is going for, and his writing quality is on full display. But if that isn’t your style, this probably isn’t a book that’s going to change your mind. It does an excellent job of being what it wants to be, but it’s not out to transform a subgenre. Perhaps there’s a shift with the sequels–it certainly wouldn’t be the first series that started playing firmly within the existing expectations and branched out as the series progressed–but Navola as a novel is one for the fans of darkness and intrigue.
Recommended if you like: historical fantasy, schemes and politics, books with no clear heroes.
Can I use it for Bingo? It’s hard mode for Disability, and it’s also very obviously meant to be First in a Series, plus it’s Published in 2024, contains Dreams, Reference Materials, and a segment Under the Surface.
Overall rating: 17 of Tar Vol’s 20. Five stars on Goodreads.

●Movies Anywhere●
•(Bundles)•
•Alfred Hitchcock Classics Collection Volume 1 (4k) (4 Movie) (One Code)
1: The Birds (4K)
2: Psycho (4K)
3: Rear Window (4K)
4: Vertigo (4K)
•Best of the 2000's 10 Film Collection (4K/HD) (One Code)
1: A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (HD) (10-Film)
2: Best in Show (HD) (10-Film)
3: The Departed (4K) (10-Film)
4: A History of Violence (HD) (10-Film)
5: The Hangover (4K) (10-Film)
6: I Am Legend (4K) (10-Film)
7: Letters From Iwo Jima (HD) (10-Film)
8: Mystic River (HD) (10-Film)
9: Ocean's Eleven (HD) (10-Film)
10: Pan's Labyrinth (4K) (10-Film)
•Halloween Trilogy (4k) (One Code)
1: Halloween (2018) (4K)
3: Halloween Ends (4K)
2: Halloween Kills (4K)
•High On Your Watch List 8-Film Collection (HD) (MA) (One Code)
1: Due Date (HD) (8-Film)
2: Friday (HD) (8-Film)
3: Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
4: House Party (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
5: Inherent Vice (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
6: Project X (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
7: Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
8: We're the Millers (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
•Men in Black Trilogy (4k) (One Code)
1: Men in Black (4K)
2: Men in Black 2 (4K)
3: Men In Black 3 (4K)
•Meryl Streep 8-film Collection (4K/HD) (MA) (One Code)
1: Death Becomes Her (HD) (8-Film)
2: It's Complicated (HD) (8-Film)
3: Mama Mia!: The Movie (4K) (8-Film)
4: Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again (4K) (8-Film)
5: One True thing (HD) (8-Film)
6: Out of Africa (HD) (8-Film)
7: Prime (HD) (8-Film)
8: The River Wild (HD) (8-Film)
•(4K)•
1917 (4K)
2 Guns (4K)
Abominable (4K)
The Abyss (4K)
Aliens (4K)
Ambulance (4K)
American Gangster (Extended Edition) (4k)
Annie (4K)
Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania (4K)
As Good As It Gets (4K)
Avatar: The Way of Water (4k)
Avatar: The Way of Water (Collector's Edition) (4k)
Avengers (4K)
Backdraft (4k)
Battleship (4K)
The Batman (4k)
Big Hero 6 (4K) (MA Split)
The Big Lebowski (4K)
Black Hawk Down (Theatrical & Extended) (4K)
Black Panther Wakanda Forever (4k) (MA Split)
Black Widow (4k) (MA Split)
Bloodshot (4K)
The Blues Brothers (4K) (Theatrical & Unrated)
Bullet Train (4k)
Cinderella (4K) (MA Split)
A Christmas Story (4k)
Cliffhanger (4k)
Concussion (4K)
Cruella (4K)
The Dark Crystal (4k)
District 9 (4K)
Do the Right Thing (4K)
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (4K)
Doom (4K)
Dr. Strangelove (4k)
Encanto (4K)
Enter the Dragon (4k)
Eternals (4K)
Evil Dead Rise (4k)
The Exorcist (4k) (Theatrical & Extended)
The Exorcist: Believer (4K)
The Fabelmans (4k)
The Fast and the Furious (4k)
Fast X (4k)
Field of Dreams (4k)
The Forever Purge (4K)
Free Guy (4k)
From Here to Eternity (4k)
Fury (4k)
Get Out (4K)
Glass (4K)
Godzilla (1998) (4K)
Gran Turismo (4K)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (4K)
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (4K)
The Guns of Navarone (4k)
Heat (4k)
Heavy Metal (4K)
Hellboy (2004) (4k)
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (4K)
His Girl Friday (4K)
Hobbs and Shaw (4k)
Hocus Pocus 4k (MA Split)
Invisible Man (4k)
It Happened One Night 4k
Jaws (4k)
Jaws 2 (4k)
Jumanji (1995) (4k)
Jurassic World Dominion (4K)
Jurrasic World Fallen Kingdom (4K)
Kick Ass 2 (4k)
King Kong (2005) (Theatrical) (4k)
Kramer Vs Kramer (4K)
Last Actio Hero (4K)
The Last Picture Show (4K)
Lawrence of Arabia (4k)
The Lion King (Animated) (4K)
The Lion King (Live Action) (4k)
The Little Mermaid (2023) (4k)
The Lost Boys (4k)
The Martian (Extended Edition) (4k)
Moon (4K)
Morbius (4K)
Mulan (2020) (4K)
National Lampoon's Animal House (4k)
National Lampoon's Vacation (4k)
Oblivion (4k)
Oliver (4k)
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (4k)
Onward (4K) (MA Split)
Oppenheimer (4k)
Parasite (4k)
Paprika (4K)
Poltergeist (4k)
Predator (4k)
The Prestige (4k) (MA Split)
The Prince of Egypt (4k)
Punch Drunk Love (4K)
The Raid Redemption (4K)
Rebel Without a Cause (4k)
Rudy (4k)
Sense and Sensibility (4k)
Schindler's List (4k)
Shang Chi (4K)
To Sir With Love (4k)
Sleepless in Seattle (4K)
Smokey and the Bandit (4k)
Snow White (4K) (MA Split)
Soul (4k) (MA Split)
Spartacus (4k )
Speed (4K)
Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse 4k
Spies in Disguise (4K) (MA) (Split)
Super Mario Bros. (4k)
Starman (4K)
Tár (4k)
Training Day (4k)
Unbreakable (4K) (MA Split)
Venom (4K)
Violent Night (4K)
West Side Story (4K) (MA Split)
Whiplash (4K)
Zero Dark Thirty (4K)
Zombieland (4k)
•(HD)•
Ant-Man & The Wasp (HD MA) (Split) (MA)
Avengers: Age of Ultron (HD) (MA Split)
Beauty and the Beast (HD MA) (MA) (Split)
Black Panther (HD MA) (Split) (MA)
Black Phone (HD) (MA)
Brother Bear (HD) (MA)
Brother Bear 2 (HD) (MA)
Captain America: Civil War (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Captain America: The First Avenger (HD MA) (Split)
Captain America: Winter Soldier (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Despicable Me 2 (HD) (MA Split)
A Dog's Purpose (HD) (MA Split)
The Fast and the Furious 6 (Extended Edition) (HD) (MA Split)
The Gunman (HD) (MA Split)
Hercules (Disney) (HD) (MA Split)
Hocus Pocus (HD) (MA) (Split)
Home (2015) (HD) (MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (HD) (MA Split)
The Huntsman: Winter's War (HD) (MA Split)
Jarhead 2 (Unrated) (HD) (MA Split)
Jurrasic Park HD MA (Split)
Jurrasic Park: The Lost World HD MA (Split)
Jurrasic Park 3 HD MA Split)
Jurrasic Park 3 HD MA
Jurrasic World HD MA (Split)
Les Misérables (HD) (MA Split)
Megan Leavey (HD) (MA Split)
The Menu (HD) (MA)
My All American (HD) (MA Split)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (HD MA) (Split)
The Nut Job (HD) (MA Split)
Oz the Great and Powerful (HD) (MA Split)
Pitch Perfect (HD)
Pitch Perfect 2 (HD)
Point Break (HD)
Rio (HD)
Rise of the Guardians (HD) (MA Split)
Sleeping Beauty (HD MA) (MA) (Split)
Snow White (HD MA) (MA) (Split)
Snow White & the Huntsman HD (MA Split)
Straight Outta Compton (Theatrical) HD (MA Split)
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated) HD (MA Split)
Sword in the Stone 60th Anniversary Edition HD (MA Split)
Thor Love & Thunder HD (MA Split)
Upgrade (HD)
When the Game Stands Tall HD
Willow (HD) (MA Split)
●Google Play Disney Splits●
•(HD)•
101 Dalmatians 2 (HD GP)
Ant-Man & The Wasp (HD GP)
Atlantis: Milo's Return (HD GP)
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (HD GP)
Avatar: The Way of Water (HD GP)
Avengers: Age of Ultron (HD GP)
Avengers: Endgame (HD GP)
Bambi (HD GP)
Banshees of Inisherin (HD GP)
Beauty & the Beast (HD GP)
Bedknobs and Broomsticks (HD GP)
Big Hero 6 (HD GP)
Black Panther (HD GP)
Black Panther Wakanda Forever (HD GP)
Black Widow (HD GP)
Brave (HD GP)
Bridge of spies (HD GP)
Captain Marvel (HD GP)
Captain America: Civil War (HD GP)
Captain America: Winter Soldier (HD GP)
Captain America: The First Avenger (HD GP)
Cinderella (Animated) (HD GP)
Coco (HD GP)
Disneynature Monkey Kingdom (HD GP)
Doctor Strange (HD GP)
Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness (HD GP)
Dumbo (Animated) (HD GP)
The Emperor's New Groove (HD GP)
Finding Dory (HD GP)
Finding Nemo (HD GP)
The Fox and the Hound (HD GP)
The French Dispatch (HD GP)
Frozen (Sing-Along Edition) (HD GP)
Hocus Pocus (HD GP)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (HD GP)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 (HD GP)
Iron Man 3 (HD GP)
The Jungle Book (Animated) (HD GP)
The Jungle Book 2 (HD GP)
Kings Man (HD GP)
Kronk's New Groove (HD GP)
The Last Duel (HD GP)
Lightyear (HD GP)
The Lion King (Animated) (HD GP)
The Lion King (Live Action) (HD GP)
The Little Mermaid 3 (HD GP)
Luca (HD GP)
Maleficent (HD GP)
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (HD GP)
McFarland U.S.A (HD GP)
Mickey's Christmas Carol (HD GP)
Million Dollar Arm (HD GP)
Moana (HD GP)
Monsters Inc (HD GP)
Mulan (2020) (HD GP)
Muppets Most Wanted (HD GP)
Nightmare Alley (HD GP)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (HD GP)
Onward (HD GP)
Oz the Great and Powerful (HD GP)
Peter Pan HD (GP)
Pete's Dragon (Live Action) (HD GP)
Pixar Short Films Volume 3 (HD GP)
Pocahontas (HD GP)
The Prestige (HD GP)
Ratatouille (HD GP)
Raya and the Last Dragon (HD GP)
Robin Hood (HD GP)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (HD GP)
The Santa Clause (HD GP)
Sleeping Beauty (HD GP)
Snow White (HD GP)
Soul (HD GP)
Spies in Disguise (HD GP)
Star Wars: A New Hope (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (HD GP)
Sword in the Stone 60th Anniversary Edition (HD GP)
Thor Love & Thunder (HD GP)
Thor Ragnarok (HD GP)
Tomorrowland (HD GP)
Unbreakable (HD GP)
West Side Story (HD GP)
A Wrinkle In Time (HD GP)
Zootopia (HD GP)
●iTunes●
•(4K)•
Allied (4k) (iTunes Split)
Annihilation (4K) (iTunes Split)
Avengers: Endgame (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Captain Marvel (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Daddy's Home (4K) (iTunes Split)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (4k iTunes) (MA)
Despicable Me 2 (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Doctor Strange (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Everest (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
The Fast & the Furious 6 (Extended Edition) (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Finding Dory (4k iTunes) (split) (MA)
Forest Gump (4K) (iTunes Split)
Gemini Man (4K) (iTunes Split)
Ghost in the Shell (Live Action) (4k iTunes Split)
Heat (4k iTunes) (MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Iron Man 3 (4K iTunes Split) (MA)
Joy (4k iTunes) (MA)
Jurrasic Park (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Jurrasic Park: The Lost World (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Jurrasic World (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
The Kingsman Secret Service (4k iTunes) (MA)
La La Land (4k) (iTunes) (Split)
Les Misérables (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Lone Survivor (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Maleficent (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Moana (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
No Time To Die (4k)
Rocketman (4K) (iTunes Split)
Sicario (4K) (iTunes) (Split)
Sleeping Beauty (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Thor Ragnarok (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (4K iTunes) (MA)
Warcraft (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Why Him (4k iTunes) (MA)
•(HD)•
All Eyes On Me (HD) (iTunes Split)
An Inconvenient Sequal: Truth to Power (HD) (iTunes Split)
The Big Short (HD iTunes) (Split)
Cheech and Chong: Up in Smoke (HD) (iTunes Split)
Den of Thieves (HD) (iTunes Split)
Good Kill (HD) (iTunes Split)
The Guilt Trip (HD) (iTunes Split)
I, Frankenstein (HD) (iTunes Split)
Megan Leavey (HD) (iTunes Split) (MA)
Nebraska (HD) (iTunes Split)
The Nut Job (HD) (iTunes Split) (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (HD) (iTunes Split) (MA)
Top Five (HD) (Itunes Split)
●Vudu●
•(4K)•
Annihilation (4K) (Vudu Split)
Apocalypse Now (Triple Feature) (4k) (Vudu)
Creed 3 (4k) (Vudu Only)
Daddy's Home (4K) (Vudu Split)
Early Man (4k) (Vudu)
Ender's Game (4k) (Vudu)
Everything Everywhere All at Once (4K) (Vudu)
Forest Gump (4K) (Vudu Split)
Gemini Man (4K) (Vudu Split)
Ghost in the Shell (2017) (4K) (Vudu Split)
Highlander (4k) (Vudu)
La La Land (4k) (Vudu Split)
The Man Who Fell to Earth 4K (Vudu)
The Mist 4k (Vudu)
Ran 4k (Vudu)
Rocketman (4K) (Vudu Split)
The Secret Garden 4K (Vudu)
Sicario 4K (Vudu Split)
Source Code 4k (Vudu)
Ugly Dolls 4k (Vudu)
•(HD)•
The Big Short (HD) (Vudu Split)
●Lionsgate●
•(4K)•
Apocalypse Now (Triple Feature) 4k (Vudu)
Belly 4k (Vudu)
The Cabin in the Woods 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Early Man 4k (Vudu)
Ender's Game 4k (Vudu)
Everything Everywhere All at Once (4K) (Vudu)
Expendables (4K) (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Expendables 2 (4K) (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Fall 4k (Vudu, iTunes)
Hacksaw Ridge 4K (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Highlander 4k (Vudu)
The Hitman's Bodygaurd 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
The Hitman's Wife's Bodygaurd 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Jigsaw 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
John Wick Chapter 4 4k (Vudu, iTunes)
La La Land 4k (Vudu, iTunes) (Split)
The Man Who Fell to Earth 4K (Vudu)
The Mist 4k (Vudu)
Plane 4k (Vudu, iTunes)
Ran 4k (Vudu)
Requiem for a Dream (4K) ( Vudu, iTunes)
Reservoir Dogs (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
The Secret Garden 4K (Vudu)
Sisu 4K (Vudu, iTunes)
Source Code 4k (Vudu)
Total Recall 4k (1990) (Vudu, iTunes)
Ugly Dolls 4k (Vudu)
•(HD)•
Blue Steel (HD) (Vudu)
Dementia 13 (Director's Cut) (HD Vudu or Google Play) (4k iTunes)
Dream a Little Dream HD (Vudu or Google Play)
Extreme Prejudice HD (Vudu or Google Play)
I Still Believe (HD Vudu) or (4k iTunes)
Little Monsters (HD) (Vudu, Google Play)
My Best Friend is a Vampire HD (Vudu)
Shivers (HD) (Vudu, Google Play)
The Wickerman HD (From 4k but redeems HD for now) (Vudu)
●Paramount●
•(4K)•
Annihilation (4k) (Vudu, iTunes) (Split)
Babylon (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
Braveheart (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
Coming to America (4k) (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Crawl (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
Days of Thunder (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
Dragonslayer (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
The Firm (4k) (Vudu)
Flashdance (4K) (Vudu)
Forest Gump (4k) (Vudu, iTunes) (Split)
Gladiator (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
The Godfather Coda (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
Interstellar (4K) (Vudu or iTunes)
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
Love & Monsters (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
Planes, Trains, & Automobiles (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
A Quiet Place Part 2 (4K) (Vudu or ITunes)
Rosemary's Baby (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
Scream (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
Scream 2 (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
Scream 3 (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
Scream 5 (2022) (4k) ( Vudu or iTunes)
Scream 6 (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
Sleepy Hollow (4k) (Vudu)
Sonic (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
The Sum of All Fears (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
Super 8 (4K) (Vudu or iTunes)
Sweeny Todd (4k) (Vudu)
Terms of Endearment (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
Titanic (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
Top Gun (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
Top Gun Maverick (4k) (Vudu or iTunes)
The Truman Show (4K) (Vudu)
The Untouchables (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
Vanilla Sky (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
War of the Worlds (2005) (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
The Wolf of Wall Street (4k) (Vudu, iTunes)
•(HD)•
Mean Girls (2004) (HD Vudu, 4k iTunes)
Wonder Park (HD Vudu, 4k iTunes)

I 23 (F) have decided to settle down with my long distance fiancé. We’ve been together for 6 years and recently got engaged, and began the process of buying a house. They live in Nashville & I live on the East Coast. Our home will be ready for move the first week of August, and I need to find myself a job in the city so I’m secure prior to said move.
Ive been applying to jobs left and right but no luck has come out of any of those. In total I have applied to over 68 jobs with either no call backs or a “sorry at this time we’re not interested in hiring you” email. I have stated on my cover letter and in my résumé that I am relocating due to marriage and life changes & if receiving an offer, I can relocate sooner.
I have four years of laboratory experience an I have four years of laboratory experience in food processing plants with a combined 3 years in childcare & reception work in doctors offices and veterinary clinics with a degree in the arts. So experience is not an issue for me.
I’m hoping to get some tips on applying for positions when youre relocating? Where to look, what to change, etc.

Just a friendly reminder to keep your personal info private when applying for jobs. Please be mindful of sharing:
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Let's keep our personal info safe and secure, shall we?

JobSearch #PrivacyMatters #StaySafe

So I just want to post this here, I guess 1 is to get it off my chest and 2 to see what advices you may have for me. To say I'm currently lost in life would be an understatement. 3rd time posting this I guess.
Also TW: Suicidal Tendencies, Acts and Ideation.
First I'm M(23) and there's a reason I called this post the way it was, because even for me I can objectively say its not true, pero I can't seem to think otherwise. I just graduated last year with a degree on CpE. Now after graduating I felt like I know what I want to do, or at least the role I want to do pero sabi nga nila, sasampalin ka ng realidad one way or another.
That's because after 6 months of applying for a job, I landed one for which I lasted only a month. As a brief it was a WFH, Nightshift, shifting BPO-esque job, aligned with my course. To say na hinde ko kinaya yung pressure would be an understatement, parang 2 weeks before I decided to resign all I felt was heaviness and sadness to the point that one week before I cried after every duty/shift. I'm not as resilient as I want myself to be.
Now its been a month and a half and since I have no direct contribution to my immediate family of 3 (Me, My Mom and Sis. My Dad is deceased since I was 18) I feel like a disgrace. I'm always saying to myself na baka hinde ko lang tinatagaan sa buhay, Trying to calm myself that maybe one day things will get better etc etc. Now kung tutuusin, WFH is great, a lot of people might be clamoring for that but for me I don't, simply because I know that my mental health suffered because of SFH (School from Home). It came to the point of me suddenly getting worn out scissors and just trying to hurt myself just to feel something. It's something I've told my friends and its something that caused me to ask for Professional Mental Help with my family involved. During it kasi, nahirapan akong iseparate yung school to home, maliit lang ang bahay namin and to allocate space would mean that I have to take my belongings outside. Everything is a blur and the fact that I've become isolated from things I'm used to, it did something to me, I have no idea what. In short I think that job made me experience 3 years worth of isolation in a month.
Back to today, currently we are facing financial problems that exacerbates this feeling of helplessness, the thing is after my resignation, both my Sister and Mom. Told me na mas mabuting ayusin ko muna ang mental health ko, to know what I want, totoo naman, mahirap magisip kung hinde maganda ang pagiisip so to speak. Yet I feel such a POS because I have no direct contribution to anything really. I feel like I'm just existing, floating in this empty void not knowing what's next.
Since din naman my psychiatrist told me that finding work has a lot of angles, maybe sa course ko makuha, which in a way I did, or sa mga hobbies and passions ko. So with that it really came to me that I'm not for the corporate life. Siguro iniisip ko na yun yung patutunguhan ko kasi yun yung pagkakaalam ko, like the idea of just imitating people because that's what you think is the right path and because of that I feel left behind. I know naman the idea that "life is not a race" or that "your path is yours nobody else" and that so long as you are trying to do something worthwhile and it helps you, its fine, I just can't seem to internalize it. Nahihiya akong magopen up sa mga kaibigan ko, nahihiya akong humarap kasi I have nothing to present basically.
I just feel overwhelm right now because truth be told, I never envisioned myself getting to this age. Because I made a pact to myself when I was 15 that I'll be gone by 20, all that changed kasi nga my dad died due to liver cirrhosis, liver problem basically.
So right now I want to do my own thing based on what I like which is to write and create. IDK how it will go, I still try to find a job from time to time, just to try my luck. Sa ngayon tumutulong lang ako sa mga gawaing bahay, considering they are the ones that provide, I try to do my best at that, knowing wala akong maambag directly. At this point I really just feel lost, I feel like a disgrace, because I have all the things as of right now and I feel like I'm just sitting on a pile of gold doing nothing about it. Crying almost everyday to soothe my feelings I can't explain
I'll be forever thankful for my Mom and Sis, for supporting a "disgrace" like me.
Thank you for your time reading this.
PS: I'm not diagnosed but I think that I might have ADHD and stuff, is there a place where they can diagnose those?

My job offer letter states that the employment is at will, then in the very next paragraph, says I must provide notice. Which is confusing to me.
It literally states “we recognize that you retain the option, as does the company of ending your employment with the company at any time, with or without notice and with or without cause” … “your employment at Company is at-will and neither this letter nor any other communication may be considered a contract”
Then, “I acknowledge and agree if I should leave my employment, I will provide 14-day notice”
I am confused as to why they would include the last sentence after explicitly saying earlier that I in fact DO NOT have to provide notice (legally).
Am I legally required to provide two-weeks notice after signing said offer letter? This is not an employment contract, and I never signed one. Just the offer letter. State is Ohio.

My current position is coming to the end in the next 6 months or so, so I've started applying for jobs I'm interested in. I'm shocked at how shitty the market is for an experienced Operator, it gives me a new perspective on how awful it must be for people with no experience.
I have 5/6 2nd Class exams done and almost 5 years of experience in large industrial facilities. I applied for 3 recent jobs with DOW, Imperial Oil and Nutrien and had the opportunity to upload a concise resume and cover letter that has done me well in the past. All three were jobs looking for a 2nd but accepting an experienced 3rd and I was rejected outright despite ticking every box they are looking for.
Maybe it's something else but based on that, good luck to anyone coming with their 4th or 3rd and no experience. Feels bad man...

Just a friendly reminder to keep your personal info private when applying for jobs. Please be mindful of sharing:
Your photo: Facial recognition tech is real, folks! Keep your mug shot private to avoid any potential issues. And let's be real, your skills, experience, and personality shine through in your resume and cover letter - no photo needed!
I know it might seem like a good idea to add your photo to your resume to appear more professional and stand out from the crowd. But trust me, it's not necessary!
Your address: No need to share your home address on resumes. City and State if just fine.
Let's keep our personal info safe and secure, shall we?

JobSearch #PrivacyMatters #StaySafe

Hey Reddit,
I don’t normally post like this—hell, I never post with my porn account—but I’m especially lost right now. Two years ago, I got into a doctoral program for English lit, thinking it was what I wanted for my career. I’ve always excelled in school, so grad school would be a cinch! I got BAs in English and Creative Writing during undergrad, and it was some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. Grad school has been two years of (what feels like) a continuous mental health crisis, and today I may have wasted my last chance to get out with a degree.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life (medicated for six years), but after moving away to school, I very quickly spun off the rails. I was the furthest from home I had ever been, away from family and friends and my support network. My relationship with booze and weed, which had been casual, became habitual. I’m not the most social person to begin with, but the isolated lifestyle of grad school made it worse than I could have imagined. The only friends I had were in my cohort, and their being somewhere in between coworker and friend made it difficult to speak with them candidly about my struggles. After all, they had the same workload that I did, so complaining felt stupid, and sharing the extent of how bad shit had gotten seemed like it would be a one-way ticket to a grippy socks vacation.
Frankly, I should probably have gone on that vacation. I could still use one. There hasn’t been a day gone by since, like, October 2022 that I haven’t thought about killing myself. Most of the time it isn’t active, just your typical ideation like “Oh, grad school makes me want to die lol.” One of my favorite recurring ideations is hurling myself into an industrial woodchipper like in Fargo—it’s so ridiculously violent that it usually snaps me right out of my funk. Where would I even find an industrial woodchipper?
It’s gotten worse lately though. This winter was bad. I’d fantasize about finding the nearest Wal-mart and exercising my constitutional right to purchase a firearm, driving to one of the many nearby beautiful state parks that I was never able to find time to go visit during the semester, and blowing my brains out. When I realized that I needed to give my family some plausible deniability for my suicide so they could grieve my loss rather than my decision, I’d fantasize instead about “losing control” on the highway. I hoped the seatbelt would take my head and launch it straight out the windshield. Or I’d fantasize about pulling a Christopher Supertramp and just leaving without warning to fuck off and die in the woods—not violently, but by something that looked natural. God, what I wouldn’t give to be devoured by a bear.
All of these options were moot though, as I was too anxious to leave my house and drive for groceries for the entirety of March and April. Can’t drive yourself off a bridge if you’re too afraid to drive. Fret not though, friends—I’m back home with family now, stable and safe, and I no longer feel the pull of the void quite so strongly as I did at school.
Anyways, the workload was like nothing I had experienced in undergrad, and even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work, I thought I could keep up.
I was wrong.
I really gave it my best effort that first semester. I prepped each class I taught as a TA excessively, answered student emails within five minutes of receiving them. I started every other day with an anxiety vomit, but I went to class. I did my best to read everything assigned to me. I threw myself at Foucault and Derrida and fuckin Homi Bhabha and the 40 other opaque critical theorists they had us read, and I struggled through them to the best of my ability, but I never seemed to be on the same page as anyone else, so I found it more and more difficult to speak up in class until I stopped speaking entirely. Still, I wrote the 75 pages of critical writing they assign to us in the last week of the semester. I barely slept and hardly ate. I wrote what I thought they wanted, did my best to model myself after what we had read.
They told me that my efforts were disappointing, that my work “barely qualified” as critical writing. I think part of me died when I got that feedback. I got the impression, at least from the instructor who told me I barely qualified, that I had disrespected them on a professional and personal level. I come from a creative writing background, so I tend to inject personality and voice into whatever I write. Both my peers and other faculty I’ve discussed this feedback with agree that the paper (while definitely not fully formed) did not warrant that level of harshness, but it broke something in me.
I kept up for most of the second semester, but by the time those end-of-semester essays rolled around, I felt a writer’s block like I had never felt before. It wasn’t the sort that went away if I forced myself to write through it, like every other time I’d felt the block before. No, this was debilitating. I was paralyzed. I tried chipping away at it, and I tried tricking myself into writing by telling myself I was just taking notes. None of my old tricks worked, even that time-honored tradition of putting my back to the wall by waiting until the deadline and writing manic, anxiety-fueled bullshit. Every time I had ever faced something like this before—a mountain of writing that I didn’t want to do—I eventually slipped into gear and got it done.
It didn’t happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t complete a final essay. I just couldn’t force myself to give a fuck. I couldn’t give a fuck about my work, about my grades, about my reputation at the university, about my future career, about my future continued existence. At some point, I became apathetic to my life and the world around me, but still, I pressed on because it was the only thing I thought I could do. One does not just get accepted into a fully-funded graduate program every day, you know, and I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on it so quickly. That’s what I was told, at least. Beyond that, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends and family and everyone who helped me get to grad school.
So I stuck with it, finished the essay and came back after the summer, and after forcing myself through the fall semester, I didn’t complete two final essays. My untreated burnout got worse. Imagine that! At the beginning of this semester, I made the decision to drop from the PhD track, cut my losses and get an MA. All I needed to do was finish one course this semester, one measly 25 page essay about the fucking kinetoscope, but I couldn’t do it. All I did this past semester was smoke myself stupid, play video games, and wish that I was dead. I spent months lying to my parents and my therapist, telling them both that while everything wasn’t fine, I was persevering and making progress. I’ve shared a little with my mom, now that I’m home and shit’s gone sideways, but all she did was cry and ask if I need to be taken to the ER. Nobody wants to make mom cry, and the last thing I fucking want is medical debt.
My deadline—the “missing this deadline will result in dismissal from the program” deadline—was today at noon, and I missed it. I have ten pages written, and I could finish it today if my brain wasn’t fucking broken, but instead I’ve written a confession to Reddit. I’ve emailed my DGS and will hear his verdict tomorrow morning, but honestly? I could fight for it, but don’t think I care anymore. I’ve been suffering for two years, and I don’t know if a master’s degree is worth it. This degree won’t make me happy—my depression brain says that nothing will, but I know that isn’t true. I wanted the MA so I could teach at a community college because that feels much closer to praxis than jerking off to Frantz Fanon until I get tenure, but I’m not even sure if I like teaching or if it was just the least of all evils I had to deal with as a grad student. (Lowkey, Fanon is probably the way to go if we’re jerking off to critical theorists, but I digress)
So Reddit, what do I do with my life? I’m a 25 year old burn out who 1) may have just lost their big shot at a slightly less worthless degree than the one they got in undergrad 2) just moved back in with their parents to a dead-end Midwest town 3) has few marketable skills and little job experience because they’ve been in academia hell for two years 4) has not had a relationship in even longer than that and 5) is generally a/pathetic.
Ending it isn’t on the table, so what do I do? Has anyone here gone through something like this? How can I rediscover my lust for life and letters? Where have you found your passion?
EDIT: forgot you needed two returns between paragraphs

I think it was Jack's idea. Or maybe it was Mindy who came up with it. You know, if I do try and really think about it .. well, maybe it could've actually even been me who decided we play it. I've spent hours trying to pierce my memory back together, more to pass the time and distract myself.. But it's all irrelevant, It doesn't matter now. Maybe it never did.
Mabel was turning 30 and it was up to us to plan the party. We were all nostalgic about childhood memories so we decided to go all out - Frogs in the pond (jelly cups with Freddo frogs), hot dogs and fairy bread, and we wrapped up prizes in newspaper for pass the parcel. Pin the tail on the donkey and Twister were set up ready to play, the spice girls were blaring on Spotify.
Mabel's eyes lit up when she walked into the room and her smile was worth all the effort we put in. We danced and played games, and as the sun started to set and it grew darker outside, someone suggested turning off the lights snd playing murder in the dark.
There were ohh's and ahh's, laughter as people remembered a game they most likely hadn't played since primary school. A collective chatter amongst us in agreeance to playing Someone handed out cards, while were told the rules of the game. And then the lights were tuned out.
For those of you who don't recall, these are the basic premise of the games rules -
You'll need - Pack of cards
Instructions - Sort through a deck of cards and find the following - an Ace, a Jack, a King, a Queen, and number cards for the amount of remaining people. (i.e.-if six people were playing, you would need two number cards.)
Each card means something - the Ace is the murderer, the Jack is the detective, the King is the detective if the Jack dies, and the Queen is the detective if the Jack and the King both die. The number cards just walk around for the beginning of the game.
Tell the players that all they need to worry about for the time being is if they get the Ace. Give a card to everyone. Nobody looks at each other's cards. Once they have their cards and have seen them, put them down somewhere out of the way for the next round.
Turn off all the lights so that it's completely dark. Everyone begins to spread out and walk about slowly, and try not to laugh or talk. Players aren't allowed to stick together in this game. During this time, the murderer is seeking 'victims'. When she/he finds someone alone, they quietly brush their shoulder and whisper, "You're dead." As an alternative, the murderer could clamp their hand over the persons mouth to avoid the person screaming, and then whisper "You're Dead".
The dead player drops to the ground, dead, and can not speak or move. The murderer may or may not hide the person they just killed in a hiding place. It is not advisable, however, due to the risk involved in getting caught. When a player sees a person lying down, they ask, "Are you dead?" The person simply nods 'yes' or shakes their head 'no', but they must tell the truth. If they nod, the person who found them shouts "Murder in the Dark!" and the lights are put on.
The murderer may not murder victims any longer and all the alive players assemble where the dead person was found. The players who are not present are noted as dead. The detective sits in a chair in front of all the others who are on the floor. He/she asks questions to each person. (i.e. where were you when someone yelled Murder in the Dark? Who do you think is the murderer and why? etc.)
When the detective has enough information and think they are ready, they say "Final Accusation" and ask one person-"Are you the murderer?" It is very important that the person answers TRUTHFULLY at the final accusation. If they are the murderer, then they must say yes. If correct players pick new cards and the game starts again. If wrong then turn out the lights and carry on.
Our rules were a bit different though. It was added in that it would be a last man standing game instead. We wouldn't have a detective - we would have a murderer, murderees and possibly one lone survivor. If someone did survive -Whoever who was still alive when the egg timer went off in 60 minutes - would be the winner. If the murderer had successfully killed everyone and there were no 'survivors' - than they had won the game.
I'll admit, it was spooky. There's just something unnerving about being in a room full of people that you cannot see but you can feel their body heat or hear them breathing. I began to walk around softly, careful to make as less noise as possible. As I wasn't the killer - I had no 'good card' I was just a waiting victim, so I wanted to hide and try and bide my time staying alive as long as possible. It didn't take long to find the first 'body'. I could tell it was Mabel from the way the long blonde hair trailed along the carpet. I whispered "Are you dead?" And I guess she mustn't have heard me because I didn't see her nod.
I moved on quickly, going into the spare bedroom. I didn't risk shutting the door behind me, I just went to hide under the bed. There was a body already under there though, I felt the warmness of human skin as I clambered under the mattress, my hand recoiling in shock as I brushed up against someone's leg. I didn't bother to ask whether they were dead, I mean I guess it was cheating a bit, but we were alone, and they were certainly doing a good enough job of playing dead it seemed just silly to ask.
I heard the muffled scream down towards the other end of the house, - the first 'victim' I'd heard to make any noise - and knew it was safe to make my move out of the bedroom to a better spot.
I nearly tripped on the bodies that were splayed out on the floor, in the hallway and the kitchen. Whoever had the murderer card was certainly taking the game seriously and playing to the best of their ability. I had yet to come across anyone else walking around and was starting to think I might actually have a chance of winning, depending on how much longer was on the egg timer, of course.
I made a beeline to the kitchen to check how much time we had, it honestly felt like the game had gone on forever - and I was shocked to feel the broken pieces of the egg timer on the kitchen bench. I looked at the clock on the microwave - the green numbers burning into my eyes. We had been playing for over three hours.
Something didn't feel quite right.
I tiptoed back into the hall to Mabel, leaning down to whisper to her that we'd been playing way too long - but then I felt something wet and slippery on my hands when I knelt down next to her. It was blood. I stifled a scream as my hands roamed and I realised the birthday girl had had her head caved in.
I backed away slowly, tears streaming down my face as I quietly made my way to the front door. I let myself out and ran across the road, banging on the neighbours door while constantly glancing behind me to see if I was being chased.
The neighbours nearly fainted when they saw me covered in blood and screaming, but they calmed me down by showing me they had double locked their door and called the police.
They don't know who killed all my friends. Everyone who was meant to be at the party was still in the house - slaughtered.
It's taken so much therapy and I'm still not sleeping at night. I wish I could go back and help my friends. I didn't know, but the blame remains.
I got a letter in the mail today though. It was a congratulations card, and written inside said 'last one standing - winner winner - care to rematch, Afterall the last game was so fun! I'll see you soon, when darkness comes.'
So my advice, don't play childhood games. They could have dire consequences.

TL;DR: ^{Struggled with social interactions, obsessive tendencies, and learning difficulties throughout life. Diagnosed with multiple conditions including Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2 and anxiety disorders. Unemployed since 2019, unable to find accommodating work due to conditions. Considering applying for disability benefits but unsure of eligibility. Feeling lost and overwhelmed.}
My whole life I've had a hard time relating with people, connecting with people, making eye contact, enjoying the same things as others. I always tended to obsess on something for example if I took a part-time job I would burn myself out because I couldn't help but focus on work after work. To the point I'd break rules to login to resources and do research off the clock, resulting in me being fired.
When I was a child I would be more excited about the box the gift came in that I could hide in from everyone, instead of the gift itself. I didn't ever like parties with lots of kids, I would tend to hide until the party was over and call my mom until she came and picked me up. I couldn't handle kids tapping pencils in the class so my teacher would put me in the hallway, this to me was a treat not a punishment. I don't like making eye contact it feels really weird and I'm not good at it. When I practiced it someone said I creeped them out because I would just stare straight into their eyes without breaking contact like normal so I just avoid it altogether.
Anyhow a lot of these issues I adapted to pretty decently until I turned 30 and realized the stuff wasn't improving even with a few years of weekly therapy sessions with 2 different psychotherapists. Always struggled with panic attacks and chronic anxiety. I also have never been able to learn math equasions for example x = y type stuff. My brain goes "Why is a letter in math" and I used to read and write backwards.
I recently got engaged and my FIance after spending 8 months with me said she thinks somethings off, "No offense". None taken.. Anyways.. I saw a top psychologist in my state and spent a few hours on a few different occasions with them. Took some tests and they told me I have:

• Schizotypal Personality Disorder
• Mathematics Learning Disability
• Post Concussion Syndrome (Severe TBI in a motor vehicle accident 2013)
• Panic Disorder
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2

I know it's a laundry list. I have been unemployed since 2019 I only am able to work side jobs anymore. I just have constant panic attacks that have been unmanaged with medications and psychotherapy so I actually quit going to therapy and seeing a shrink. Therefor I only have 12 work credits on my record which I've read some of those fall off every 5 years.
I'm just wondering, do I even have a chance in hell at applying for SSI/SSDI or any type of assistance or am I going to have to try and find a job that will accomodate me or something? I have yet to find one of those by the way. I am very forthcoming with my conditions and typically this results in no hire. I have applied for over 100 jobs since 2019. I've heard back from a dozen or so, and the rest just likely throw my application in the trash.
I don't understand anything about disability or social security and my mom has told me I need to try and apply for benefits. Is it worth my time at all having only 12 work credits? Am I even eligible for SSI or SSDI? I don't know what to do anymore I'm feeling kinda depressed now because I have lived my whole life in a lie it feels like. I have had to always do things that "normal" people do and it has ground me into the dirt. I was very lucky to meet my fiancee online and we ended up talking for a few months before meeting in person. SHe loves me to death, I love her very much too although it took me a long time to learn what I was actually feeling and learn how to commit myself and be a good Fiance.
I just don't know anymore what to do, where to turn, who to ask.. Thank you.
p.s My mother never took me to a doctor even though family and friends of hers always told her something was wrong with me and that she needed to. My aunt used to tell her I had asperger's or something. She was afraid they'd medicate me. I kinda got screwed in that sense now that I am learning more about this process..

I’m seeing a new but consistent problem with my staff where they’ll mess up something minor, I basically just talk to them about it, but nothing changes, or the behaviour gets worse or they start to get snarky with me. I’m worried this is because I, as a person, am morally of the opinion that people will generally be good and if you’re nice to others they’ll be nice to you. Unfortunately it’s beginning to feel like I’m being walked over by my staff and I don’t know how to rectify the situation without coming across as a bitch.
A few examples:
Bob* comes in late almost daily. Everytime I’m in and I see he’s late, I talk to him. ‘Hey man I really need you on time’ ‘You being late meant no one was here to open the store, we lost a customer who was waiting’ ‘Your lateness meant Sue had to stay later and miss her bus, be on time please’ ‘Your lateness is very disrespectful and unprofessional and makes other people think it’s okay to be late’
Yet the lates continue. At the end of the day being a minute or two late isn’t the end of the world, and this staff member has severe problems at home (wife with cancer + they’re homeless) so I’m hesitant to fire, but that’s the whole problem.
Another example:
Richard* is told to complete a task outside of his routine tasks, but still in his contract as an occasional ask. First time, he’s busy with something more important and it doesn’t get done. Ok, I’ll do it. Second time, he starts the task but doesn’t get it done on time, alright guess I’ll finish it. This last time he’s told me ‘Well, my main job here is x, I’m happy to do y when I can but I can’t today’ He definitely could have, he just didn’t prioritize his time properly to get both done. (When I am doing Richard’s job I can complete said task along with several others plus his regular duties with plenty of time to spare)
I just feel like not being a hard ass from the start has caused me these issues. It goes against the understanding, helpful boss vibe I want to give off but I feel like my kindness is being taken advantage of here. How do I avoid these problems without just blanket inflexibility or being a boss people hate?

As the title says. In March, I recieved a promotion at my current job. Last week we were told by corporate that the company would be restructured but all current positions were going to be kept until they were no longer filled.
Today I was told that my position was being removed and that I would have to apply for a higher position or be demoted to my former position.
To top it off my previous position will be absorbing the duties of my current position. AND the pay is less than the pay in was hired at. When asked if I would take a pay cut if I dont get the promotion the only answer i get is, "that hasn't been decided." And the position I would have to apply for is played $ .10 more than I currently at with twice the responsibilities.
My manager told me that corporate said for her to expect those in my position to quit. And that they are prepared to lose all employees in my position.
They are now restricting all promotions to internal only. Likely to stagnate pay and to negate competition with other companies. And all the new positions start at $1-2 less than they did just last month.
I'm so fucking tired of capitalism and corporate greed.

Conspiracy theories involving “elite” pedophile rings have recently been dominating social media in a disorienting frenzy. They have been around for some time but in this century rose back to popularity during the 2016 Election cycle. This crop, at least, took root with what became known as “Pizzagate.” Promoters of that conspiracy theory in 2016 used social media platforms to make unfounded but viral allegations that Hillary Clinton and other prominent Democrats were running a pedophile ring out of the basement of a pizzeria even though that restaurant had no basement, or any ties to known politicians other than the typical flesh pressing (Phrasing I know) moments fit for a picture hung on the wall. Since then, the dark theme of Pizzagate has found new life with permutations forming part of the #Qanon conspiracy theory, incorporated under the umbrella term “pedogate.” The gist of the #pedogate conspiracy theory is that global elites (politicians, celebrities, and wealthy businesspersons) are covertly involved in a far-reaching ring that uses young children for sexual purposes. “What most of these conspiracy theories involve in one way or another is laying accusations of pedophilia or involvement in pedophile rings at the feet of people that they despise or hate, and during the 16’ election cycle, Democrats were a wide target for an opposing political movement that had hijacked the rival Republican party. Pizzagate originated with the “alt right” and “alt lite,” far right extremists who range from outright white supremacists to those who publicly shun racists but otherwise fall in step with their belief systems. Pizzagate jumped from the fringes to the mainstream because as it denigrated Hillary Clinton, it sucked in supporters of then-candidate Donald Trump. After the election all mention of pedogate seemed to be put on a simmer while other National outrages boiled over (#Covid #RussiaGate #BLM) and just like clockwork (heading into our next election cycle has been turned back up. The pedogate conspiracy and all associated stories employ a centuries-old tactic: playing on deep-seated human anxieties by conjuring images of imperiled children, the purest and defenseless victim of any manner of injustice. An example in the modern era of weaponized conspiracy was the satanic panic of the 1980s, in which a wave of hysteria over alleged child molestation at daycare centers swept the nation. But while that phenomenon was a moral panic attributable, at least in part, to social anxiety over white middle class women entering the work force en masse for the first time and entrusting their children to others, the current conspiracy theories about pedophile rings equate to similar propaganda. They carry a danger for stirring up violence. If you want to elicit violent action the way to do it is through hate and fear. Once you target and label a population as pedophiles, you can do anything you like to that population with full excuse being given to the myth you’ve wrapped around it. That’s not to say fears of child abuse or sex trafficking are unfounded. There are many as pedophilia has ancient roots and in many cases was encourage by many world cultures and religions a lot later into Civilization than we’d like to admit. The International Labor Organization reports that 25 percent of the world’s 40.3 million victims of human trafficking are children. The most vulnerable, according to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, are migrants, runaways, the homeless, and youngsters who have been victims of violence. Despite their obsession over the topic, conspiracy followers aren’t worked up about those children who are in true harm’s way. In the world of propaganda, it’s never about real children. Instead, it’s about what children represent. The children imperiled by conspiracy theories, in other words, are only metaphors. Children carry a vast amount of weight in any society, but especially modern ones when they’re expected to survive past the age of five. It wasn’t as intense before the 18th century when child mortality rates were really high. They represent the future, and all that is beautiful and decent and honest in a society, because they are innocent. For most people also, the meaning of their existence is rooted in their children. Children are eschatological, they represent death for us, and what is coming behind us after we are gone. They also represent the threat of loss, if they disappear, if they die, that is the death of society. That’s why they became so crucial and central to Cold War propaganda. The real terror of the nuclear holocaust would be the death of the children, because that’s the death of everyone. A recent example of this is in a recent police investigation into conspiracy claims of PizzaGate style accusation of Portland’s Voodoo Doughnuts. Detectives attempted to contact the person accusing Voodoo Doughnuts on social media of running a pedophile ring. The accuser did not cooperate with investigators and it’s been documented in other coverage online that they had become agitated and accused the Police with complicity when tracked down in person, even though they were attempting to investigate. The pendulum of conspiracy theories about systematic child abuse has swung back and forth for centuries. Examples such as blood libel, when Jewish communities were attacked over false allegations of murdering and consuming Christian children in the Middle Ages. In Europe, During the Thirty Years War, entire villages were put to the sword because it was believed they were abusing children of the other religions. One characteristic that helps Pizzagate-style conspiracy theories gain popularity is that they function like a puzzle game and give its audience a large level of involvement through social media. A lot of conspiracy theories are oracular, where the information comes from one source an oracle. Then there are others where there are a few people who promote the notions, almost like gurus or a conspiracy priesthood. But Pizzagate, it’s more of what one would call a participatory conspiracy theory. Participatory conspiracy theories lay out a scenario or situation and then they ask their audience, ‘what more can you find out about this, what more can you add?’ It turns the audience into willing participants, some knowing they are creating a destructive madlib and other (potential real victims) caking on mystical distraction to issues that have been unreported or scars that have not bee properly treated. The thing about participatory conspiracy theories is it can really create a devoted following because it gives people something to do, it makes them feel they can solve the whole thing or uncover new aspects to it. Once you get that energy going it’s almost self-sustaining. Followers of the Qanon conspiracy theory, call themselves “bakers” because their protagonist “Q” pops up on Internet message boards and leaves “crumbs” (i.e., clues), and they are tasked with picking up the crumbs in order to solve the puzzle. (“Q” is supposed to reference the character’s government security clearance level).
#Q followers believe an even more incoherent version of Pizzagate. This is largely a right-wing fantasy that originated in a series of incoherent posts on #4chan in 2017 by someone calling themselves #QAnon. Following on the heels of similar idiocy such as Pizzagate, it advances a fantastic web of deceit that wraps up Trumpism, deep state fearmongering, evil, satanic pedophilia rings controlled by the Democratic Party, investigations into Russian meddling in the 2016 US election, the Las Vegas shooting, and New World Order paranoia into a package easily and wholeheartedly promoted by internet cesspools and far-right personalities such as Alex Jones. The premise is that President Trump is secretly working to take down a global ring of elite, cannibalistic, satanic pedophiles. And the investigation into Russian meddling into the 2016 election, led by former FBI director Robert Mueller, is actually an investigation into the so-called “deep state”, where a cabal of evil, globalists, including Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, are responsible for everything from a global pedophile ring to the mass shooting in Las Vegas in 2017. According to the enlightened, when Trump awkwardly took a drink from a bottle of Fiji water at a press conference in November 2017, it wasn’t because he was thirsty; it was actually a secret signal to those in the know that the annihilation of deep state pedophiles had begun (or was about to begin). Because as everyone knows, Fiji is a hot spot for child trafficking. ( I could go on and on with this poorly thought-out shit, I will spare you ) The role the Internet and social media play in helping to spread such insanity can’t be underestimated. Just a few decades earlier, conspiracy theorists would identify each other using letters to the editor printed in newspapers and magazines. It was a lot harder to identify your fellow conspiracy theorists. You would have to physically meet to swap your stories or send letters or call. They would set up these groups that would communicate by newsletter. They would meet in a physical space, like someone’s living room. I personally witnessed people from my childhood, dutifully photocopying newsletters they had received in the mail to give to others (Primarily at my #JW congregation, how ironic). Now obviously it can go much more quickly, because you can identity people immediately. You can quickly share ideas and the data you’ve collected. The Internet allows such people to exist in bubbles where they rarely have their beliefs challenged. The extraordinarily polarized society we’re in right now has made people less willing to seek out other view points. Because of the internet you have less chance of doing this. There’s very little incentive to look outside one’s own bubble once they have become invested in a conspiracy theory. Once you start to act out on those behaviors you are forced to double down by repeating the act to prove it was a just act. Eventually you get caught up in a movement that totally defines your conscious and you can’t get out of it. The second you step out of that world view your actions go back to being reprehensible. Now the question becomes, “What’s the harm? If it sheds light on child abuse, then isn’t it still productive?” The answer in this case is a resounding NO. In my opinion and PAINFUL experience, the root cause and sustaining factors of institutionalized child sex abuse are all things that would counter your typical Conspiracy Nut’s world view, thus causing a complete blackout to the problems. The entity taking part in the harming of children on a local and tangible level aren’t some suit and tie wearing global elitist. It’s a guidance counselor, youth pastor, unvetted young substitute teacher, aunt/uncle/cousin/neighbor. It’s anyone who has been given routine private access to a child’s mind and body because of the social conventions that have been protected for generations by our relatives whether they themselves are guilty of abuse or not. In all the Qanon madness I also kept very close tabs on the pending prosecution of the Boy scouts of America and never saw any widely shared memes about their involvement in the abuse syndicate. Why is this? How is this so? Aren’t these people watching the news, seeing the court records and hearing the individual cases being brought against Scout Leaders (SOME OF WHO RAN THEIR OWN NETWORKS!!)? When I would find mention of accusation it was met with the ever scarce “skepticism” because if the media is covering it, it must be a plot to destroy the organization. There are now non-for profit organizations setting up victim funds and protections for people to come out with their stories and somehow THIS is the fake ruse. Some that know me know that I was a Jehovah’s Witness as a youth/teen/young adult. That chapter of my life could fill many chapters and the research on the organization, the real true black and white history of the religion would honestly surprise you. I saw what I now know was abuse, I personally experienced abuse in many forms. The perpetrators involved are either still Witnesses or are dead or have moved “away from the organization”. But one thing that was left intact in each situation was the secret that they prey on children. The parents, these organizations and the collective promise to keep up appearances are directly to blame for the suffering untold thousands, millions of children and broken adults. All for what? Pride and Vanity and a commitment to all involved to protect them from the “mean old world” despite allowing predators to eat their children from within. Being a #JW was a very interesting experience. It provides a very efficient form of insulation from outside society and allows people involved to view the chaos from afar. There is this persistent (albeit false) sense of shared peace that members have. It’s as though for three days a week you go to this meeting where no matter what, everyone has a smile and feels about things EXACTLY how you do. There is no cursing, there are no politics, there surely isn’t any destructive influences that would tarnish your chances of salvation. For a parent this is a refuge when raising a child in a world that is dangerously unpredictable. A Child that you are unable (or unwilling) to teach coping skills to get along by societal standards, A child you want to protect by hiding. This is problem #1. As an adult the congregation presents an avenue for which you can act and behave in a way that allows you to reconcile your past, a way to have less of those nights awake because you think about past wrongs you’ve committed against people. It’s the proverbial band-aid for a guilty, bruised, destroyed conscious of any size. Coming into the organization takes nothing more than the desire to change, publicly declaring your willingness to hand over your life to God (The organization). Bam, You’re in! No credit check, no background check. This is problem #2. A JW is taught that “every facet is an asset” (Ministerial Servants know what I’m talking about). What this means is that every facet of your life is an asset to the organization to spread its word. If the world see’s their product’s application into your life and thereby how much better it is than a normal person’s, then they’ve made an “Effective Witness” to the world. This causes Witnesses of any age to allow almost every facet of their life to be a tool by the organization. For a parent this includes their children. This is problem #3 When you get a culture that insulates itself from the real world, that allows you to enter without any coherent vetting, give access to children whose parents feel obligated to present as a “witness” to the lifestyle. You get a twisted corridor in which victims can get lost for a lifetime and predators can hide in plain sight. For any proponents of the “Save-The-Children” movement to not take a step back and really analyze their local community and lifestyle through these lenses only illustrates that child abuse is being weaponized politically at the expense of others whom you aren’t willing to save because it would look bad for ‘your side’. If you truly care, you wouldn’t be sharing email forwards about what evil unverified unmentionable thing you read some celebrity or politician did. Instead, you’d be drawing back on your experiences as a child. Even if nothing happened directly to you, I’m sure you know some one that had an experience that forever harmed their life. Who did it? Was there a pattern or social condition that allowed for this as was laid out in the JW example? How could it have been avoided? Would you have stopped it if you saw the signs? Are you willing to stop it in the future, knowing what you know now? If you can answer any of those questions with a yes, then you have all you need to WRITE your own material to reach real victims and their families. Does your action cause problems for your ‘side’? It shouldn’t matter and you know that. If it does make a difference to you then you are no better than the shadowy pedophilic cabal that you are so obsessed with.

My disability claim was finalized at the end of December. I filed through the DAV but unfortunately, the DAV here has been zero help. Their name is on the paperwork, but I did everything on my own. That being said, my claim was favorable for 3 of the 4 things.
The 4th is a secondary condition. I have a TFCC tear in my right wrist, and that was approved. The secondary is for left shoulder pain. I assume it's from overuse, and avoidance of use of my right arm. The claim denial for it agreed that I do indeed have a diagnosed issue with my shoulder, but that it is not service connected. That confuses me because (while it did start hurting on active duty, I can't prove it) I didn't say it happened while active, but that it happened because of my wrist injury. Hence Secondary.
Anyways, can anyone help me on what I need to do next? Physical therapy actually helps a lot, and I would love for it to be covered at the VA. It's been an increasing bother since 2019, so there is extensive history through the VA as it is. My only medical is through the VA, so do I ask my doctor there to write a letter acknowledging the connection, and file and HLR?
It's a bit confusing and overwhelming, which is why I've dragged my feet this long.
Thanks in advance, and for reading my novel!

Laura emerged from the improvised barbers happy with the job he had done. She hadn’t liked it at all when Gardner had pulled her hair, and had, as wa her way, gone about doing something about it. As such, she emerged with a short, boyish haircut, and ready to go to the suprise meeting she had been called to.
//////
Lieutenant Elodie Beaumont reported to the parade square, as ordered, ready for parade and with her uniform spotless. She was here early, to meet her new unit and male sure they were prepared for the Saunôit way.
//////
Maquiphiel led the kestral team deep though the mountain. So far, casualties had been light, from a few small turret ambushes and some orks that briefly charged before being taken out effectively enough. But the worst was yet to come. He knew that. Something felt wrong about the place.
//////
A tired, but hiding it, Lieutenant Sophy walked into the hospital, and looked for Dr Kellan. She had been up a lot, and she felt off. Either drugs, or some tests, she didn’t care. She had a lot to do, and she wasn’t going to stop if she could get anything to keep going. And if not, she would have to try the sheer willpower stratagem.
//////
Elzy and Oats slipped into the pub, mostly unnoticed, Elzy ordering a pair of heavily mismatched drinks, four triple strength cocktails and a half strength on for herself. They would probably be about the same around drunk afterwards as they prepared to enjoy an evening out.
//////
Laura arrived at the meeting as requested, although she was held up a little by a guard in town. She walked in late, as the small assembled group, some thirty in all, looked to her, Tash in the lead as she limped over.
“You missed it Laura, but I have good news for you,” she said, as Laura looked confused. “love the hair, by the way. And congratulations, you have just been voted lieutenant.” She looked to the awaiting minthelians. They really believed it. They wanted her to lead them, as she was given the pips. Oh dear. A lot of pressure. Still, she would have to be getting on with it. Step one, choosing an aide.
//////
Ophelia Addison-Lothaway stood perfectly still on her guard duty, outside some building. She wasn’t sure which, or why, but she did. Her nose had itched for twenty minutes, but she hadn’t moved yet. The young red-jacketed Preatorian wasn’t going to risk an officer seeing her move. Her eyes flashed across the street, to where a taronian walked past. She briefly made accidental eye contact before glancing away and blushing slightly apologetically, returning to staring eyes front.

I'm applying for jobs after a little over a year of un/under-employment. I took the time to figure out some health stuff and also worked on a couple of small independent contract projects. How can I tactfully explain this to a potential employer in a cover letter without going into any details about what the health issues were?
Thanks.

TLDR; apparently my bad physical and mental health synergy lead to me to a life of absolute despair, I have tried EVERYTHING for years to leave opiates but it seems lmpossible.
My name is Mac. This is originally a letter I sent to my confident so there might be some missing context, feel free to ask.
Tramadol is THE mexican opiate and works the same way, its metabolized into morphine. I have had 2 nose surgeries to improve my breathing one of them was the worst physical pain Ive felt, thats when I tried opiates.
I suffer from chronic rhinitis so my inefficient breathing often causes nightmares and physical pain. Ive gotten as much professional help as possible, both mental and physical; as well ad therapy.
I want to write this "letter" to you as a means to try to stop bitching so frequently.
In the past 2 weeks ive had nothing but suicide and despair on my mind.
Miss M. my former best friend cant help me, she has something against rivotril even when I wasnt taking any and it was prescribed by every single doctor she thoght that was the root of all my problems, she doesnt get it, other friends just say I hope you get better and pretend everythings ok.
Every morning I wake up depressed to tears thinking lifes not worth it, I have to painfully get breakfast so I can a have a handful of pills, and feel a little better when tramadol and rivotril kicks in.
My liver, stomach and guts have cronic damage from years of abuse, ive also been taking medicine for that for years, I have to follow a very restrictive diet and yet I damage my liver more with sugar addiction because extreme anxiety.
Now that im back to rivotril im a lifeless zombie, its a sedative it prevents me from getting violent and from extreme anxiety but it doesnt allways work.
I take rivotril because its by far the strongest ansiolitic drug for anxiety out here, every doctor determined no other drug worked for me as even the strongest one struggled to regulate my depression and they didnt even try to adress adhd because depression was the priority.
Once the effects of rivotril wears out in a few hours its complete hell, panic, I want to break everything, I cut myself to release endorphines and adrenalin so I can think clearly and get out of the panic mode.
And its not small cut eithers, I grab a butchers knife and start chopping I have over 50 cuts in my arm and they would be a ton more if I had less self control.
This is considering I hate and fear blood.
https://youtu.be/_Gv-7yHScco?si=No03Ge1OiV7qukrD
This short 6 min video explains what tramadol does to me, it uses fentanyl as its example but everything she says applies to tramadol.
The problem is even if tramadol helps with depression and anxiety, and makes me feel like my breathing is perfect and I have no rhinitis/allergy, its not enough because my depression and anxiety get so bad I need even more serotonin than tramadol's alone (or my receptors to work? Idk the correct terminology).
Everytime I start feeling hopeless, out of desperation I take 1 or 2 more pills of tramadol several times a day, it almost never works as my body just feels bloated but I do it everytime regardless, my liver is saturated with chemicals already.
Bupropion is the most effective SSRI ive taken by far but I can hardly afford its cost and I generated tolerance for it so quick, my depression surpasses drugs very easily when it gets bad so im trying to learn to live with that.
The video suggests treatment with 2 drugs, methadone which is ultra illegal here ane buprenorphine which my penultimate doctor scammed me, he used indiscriminately to make me a heavy opiate addict and then dissapeared charging me tons of money. The heavy buprenorphine doses made me feel like a normal person after years, I was so sure it was going to work. I even returned to my basketball team.
The doctor after that gave me insane amounts of rivotril (12mg a day) and the side effects as mentioned above were devastating and even worse with this dosage, this also lead me to take some very bad decisions.
Ive also heard about this famous naltrexone which is legal, but every single doctor refused to use that method, idk why.
After that doctor I completely left rivotril quickly, then I left bupropion and tramadol for aproximately a month, but I could not take it...
I couldnt breath, I had panic and paranoia episodes stronger than ever before, I even had very distorted visions as if I had taken psychedelics. I crawled to the drugstore for tramadol and I was ok in a matter of minutes.
Even my brain seems to have taken some sort of "loss" as for my reading comprehension is much worse, I skip words, whole paragraphs and read words that arent there at all. This could be unrelated tho.
I just want not to feel terrible and there is nothing that helps me with that, in those moments I really wanns end it all and I feel so bad for my cats who can detect my emotions, my eldest one isnt as strong anymore to take all that negative energy.
My mom is more sick than me and my dad has a terminal illness, they cant take this, my friends are not prepared to deal with major disorders + physical illness, sometimes I feel saved by you, you helped me survive another day.
I just want to die, I think about suicide everyday I truly do but my cat and mom would die too, id completely ruin their lives and I cant do that to them, hopeless doesnt beggin to describe my absolute despair.
Expensive one hour session with my therapist, as good as she is, only goes so far, 1 houweek is way too few time, and lm surprised friends cant help, I dont rely on them anymore, they have 0 comprehension and all advice/solutions that arent worth shit.
I look like a normal person and sometimes my looks are above average, its impossible for people to tell im feeling like shit and often times they dont believe me because I look fine.
I lost my sports progress, I lost my job and I lost my will to live, I have extreme apathy I just dont feel like doing anything at all.
As a final note support groups have failed me in the past, they do work momentsrily but I find as soon as the effect wears off a lot of people end up worse than before, including me.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this.
My life is in a terrible mess & just continues to spiral downwards at a rate of knots. Where I’m at has been heavily influenced by mental illness (bipolar disorder) but equally I take full responsibility for my actions.
I have 2 kids. All I care about is them. But this life I’m living isn’t sustainable.
I’m 42. I’ve been with my wife for 22 years & we’ve been married for 17. Things were good until 7 years ago. At that time my eldest child was 3 & my youngest was a baby. I had a good enough career for my wife to not work for the foreseeable. I had a history of anxiety & depressions & 7 years ago I was put on an antidepressant. I hadn’t had my bipolar diagnosis (won’t get in to all that here) & taking an antidepressant without a mood stabiliser if you’re bipolar generally ends badly. I’d not long started work at a new company & I began to feel very unwell. Even after stopping the antidepressant (when I was diagnosed soon after), I was very unwell for several months. I couldn’t do my job. My wife was at home with a baby & I didn’t want to worry her. I pretended to go to work & sat in my car all day. I thought it’d pass & I’d be better, therefore never having needed to worry her, but things got worse. Sitting alone all day every day contributed. I ended up in hospital a few months later, having suffered a huge breakdown. Even though I had good intentions to protect her, my wife felt hugely betrayed, which I can understand. She has never forgiven me.
I was off work for another 6 months after I got out of hospital. We had very little money coming in & had to borrow money from my wife’s parents. They were very cruel about my mental illness & told me I should be ashamed of myself. I found my way back due to the love for my kids. I got back to work in a more junior role, but have never regained the person I used to be. I’ve been so heavily medicated since my diagnosis & my world’s been turned so upside down that he’s lost.
I had a few years of relative stability & we were able to rebuild some of the damage. But my wife never forgave me. We haven’t had an intimate relationship since before it happened. Then lockdown came & I started to wobble. I got an appointment with a private psychiatrist through my health insurance & he put me on the highest dose possible of a medication called pregabalin (for anxiety).
Fast forward a few months (about 3 years ago) & I had a terrible manic episode. I don’t remember much of it but I had a good salary & credit rating, so was able to take out a lot of loans. Long story I buried myself in tens of thousands of £s in debt. When I came to & that episode ended, I was distraught & had to go to great lengths to hide it from my wife. As I’ll come on to, in all honesty I’m afraid of her. Also, when is a good time to tell someone that? After a year of hiding letters etc. I sunk in to a bad depression in September / October. I’ve been in it since & it continues to worsen.
I’ve been off sick all year. I was hospitalised in January as I was in crisis. It’s been a terrible ordeal for my wife. Illness or not, I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve put her through.
I’m at home all day because the depression has just made everything impossible. I understand my wife’s frustration but all she does is shout at me. I must sound pathetic, but it’s been this way for years. I’m afraid of her. When I tell her she’s being aggressive she denies it. She gaslights me a lot. She calls me lazy & a failure. She tells me to “f off back to work”. There are some days when it’s not too bad but most days it’s constant & extremely aggressive.
My youngest has now been at school full time for 2 years. My wife won’t get a job. She gets angry with me about problems with the house but won’t work. The last time it was mentioned she made my life hell for weeks. I experienced a lot of abuse as a child & can’t stand or cope with bad atmospheres in the house. She kept saying I’d “told her to get a job”.
She knows what I’ve been going through but hasn’t even brought it up. My salary is going to drop soon as I’ll move on to the income protection plan. She’ll then be forced to work so God help me. I’m terrified.
My mental health is a mess. I forgot to mention that the pregabalin prescribed during lockdown has become something I’ve abused the last year or so. I take more when I get my prescription & leave myself with less for the rest of the month. It’s the only temporary relief from this terrible depression & how I’m treated at home.
I have no parents or siblings. Nowhere to go. It would break my heart to leave my kids but I’ve come to realise if I don’t get away from my wife then this is only going to end in one outcome. I’m not far from it at all. I’m terrified of what she’ll do. I would be able to pay the core bills on this house (around £2200) & get a cheap airbnb (I’d need to live on canned food) until this house is sold. But she’d need to work to pay for groceries & ‘non-bill’ things. She can have all the equity from the house when it’s sold. All I want is for the kids to be ok.
One way or the other it’s terrifying: I live with the aftermath of telling her about the salary drop (if my mental health gets any worse it will be dangerous) or I find the courage to leave. If I leave I dread to think what crazy stuff she’ll do.
I’m exhausted, humiliated, ill & I’ve had as much as I can take. I’m only still here for the kids’ sake. But the bad thoughts are creeping in more & more
My wife hates me. I haven’t had a hug in years. She shows no compassion whatsoever. She makes it so blatantly obvious that she can’t stand me but that she’s just here because she has nowhere else to go.. It’s horrific. I haven’t explained it all well enough here. It feels like hell on earth & I’m on countdown now until this explodes one way or another. I’m already at the end of my tether. I just have to make sure that I am still here for my kids. Maybe not in the same house. But I can’t sink any lower & not be here at all

Thought I'd make some closing thoughts on the CS experience at this school for future/current students.

1. Figure out what the goal of college is for you - to get a job, to get into academia, to strengthen your knowledge in CS, to go out to bars and make lots of friends, or a combination of all/some of these. This will save you lots of time when making decisions. Should you work all night to bump that MP from 85 to a 95, or would you rather go to happies with your friends. Would you sacrifice your grades to make new friends and gain leadership experience in RSOs. If you know your goal, it is relatively simple to make these decisions.
2. You don't need to know exactly what you want to do within CS, but do not let that be an excuse to do nothing. Don't know if you want to do machine learning, cybersecurity, backend, ui/ux, frontend, product management, or leadership? Doesn't matter. Choose something, and dive deep into it. If you like it, great! If not, move on to the next thing.
3. Being kind gets you further than being smart. I'm not saying being technically competent isn't important -- it is. but, DO NOT BURN BRIDGES. TALK TO EVERYONE. BE KIND TO EVERYONE. This is especially valuable for freshman. I'm not telling you to be the most outgoing person or spend all your time trying to make random friends just for the sake of it. But when you run into people you met once, say hi! This is very dependent on the type of person you are, and why you are even in college, but in general I notice that people who are just kind and get along with everyone tend to do better in life lol.
4. If you want to go into further education, do research. or, have connections with some faculty/professors. You cannot get into most masters program without some academic letters of rec, so be a face that some professors know. I graduated with a very high gpa, but didn't apply to a single masters program because I had no connections in the university.
5. Almost everyone around you is cheating. It is pretty wild how UIUC is ranked so highly with a HUGE proportion of students cheating in classes like Data Structures and Systems Prog. Again, if you know your goal is to just explore computer science topics and expand your knowledge, this wouldn't bother you. However, if your goal in college is to land a high paying job or get into higher education, it will definitely bother you that others are taking easy routes to potentially take your job/college spot. My best advice is to either ignore the issue or join them. Complaining tends to do nothing. I'm sure professors know and don't care, either because they are lazy, or because if you cheat in college you are usually just cheating yourself out of an education.
6. College isn't designed to be a pipeline to a job. I found myself many times wondering why I'm spending all this time on a course/topics that I won't need in Software Engineering. However, the curriculum is designed to give you a wide breathe of computer science topics, not software engineering topics.
7. Go out more. Make deep, real connections with people as well as some not-so-deep friendships. Make mistakes, make dumb decisions. Messing up now is way better than messing up in the real world.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this.
My life is in a terrible mess & just continues to spiral downwards at a rate of knots. Where I’m at has been heavily influenced by mental illness (bipolar disorder) but equally I take full responsibility for my actions.
I have 2 kids. All I care about is them. But this life I’m living isn’t sustainable.
I’m 42. I’ve been with my wife for 22 years & we’ve been married for 17. Things were good until 7 years ago. At that time my eldest child was 3 & my youngest was a baby. I had a good enough career for my wife to not work for the foreseeable. I had a history of anxiety & depressions & 7 years ago I was put on an antidepressant. I hadn’t had my bipolar diagnosis (won’t get in to all that here) & taking an antidepressant without a mood stabiliser if you’re bipolar generally ends badly. I’d not long started work at a new company & I began to feel very unwell. Even after stopping the antidepressant (when I was diagnosed soon after), I was very unwell for several months. I couldn’t do my job. My wife was at home with a baby & I didn’t want to worry her. I pretended to go to work & sat in my car all day. I thought it’d pass & I’d be better, therefore never having needed to worry her, but things got worse. Sitting alone all day every day contributed. I ended up in hospital a few months later, having suffered a huge breakdown. Even though I had good intentions to protect her, my wife felt hugely betrayed, which I can understand. She has never forgiven me.
I was off work for another 6 months after I got out of hospital. We had very little money coming in & had to borrow money from my wife’s parents. They were very cruel about my mental illness & told me I should be ashamed of myself. I found my way back due to the love for my kids. I got back to work in a more junior role, but have never regained the person I used to be. I’ve been so heavily medicated since my diagnosis & my world’s been turned so upside down that he’s lost.
I had a few years of relative stability & we were able to rebuild some of the damage. But my wife never forgave me. We haven’t had an intimate relationship since before it happened. Then lockdown came & I started to wobble. I got an appointment with a private psychiatrist through my health insurance & he put me on the highest dose possible of a medication called pregabalin (for anxiety).
Fast forward a few months (about 3 years ago) & I had a terrible manic episode. I don’t remember much of it but I had a good salary & credit rating, so was able to take out a lot of loans. Long story I buried myself in tens of thousands of £s in debt. When I came to & that episode ended, I was distraught & had to go to great lengths to hide it from my wife. As I’ll come on to, in all honesty I’m afraid of her. Also, when is a good time to tell someone that? After a year of hiding letters etc. I sunk in to a bad depression in September / October. I’ve been in it since & it continues to worsen.
I’ve been off sick all year. I was hospitalised in January as I was in crisis. It’s been a terrible ordeal for my wife. Illness or not, I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve put her through.
I’m at home all day because the depression has just made everything impossible. I understand my wife’s frustration but all she does is shout at me. I must sound pathetic, but it’s been this way for years. I’m afraid of her. When I tell her she’s being aggressive she denies it. She gaslights me a lot. She calls me lazy & a failure. She tells me to “f off back to work”. There are some days when it’s not too bad but most days it’s constant & extremely aggressive.
My youngest has now been at school full time for 2 years. My wife won’t get a job. She gets angry with me about problems with the house but won’t work. The last time it was mentioned she made my life hell for weeks. I experienced a lot of abuse as a child & can’t stand or cope with bad atmospheres in the house. She kept saying I’d “told her to get a job”.
She knows what I’ve been going through but hasn’t even brought it up. My salary is going to drop soon as I’ll move on to the income protection plan. She’ll then be forced to work so God help me. I’m terrified.
My mental health is a mess. I forgot to mention that the pregabalin prescribed during lockdown has become something I’ve abused the last year or so. I take more when I get my prescription & leave myself with less for the rest of the month. It’s the only temporary relief from this terrible depression & how I’m treated at home.
I have no parents or siblings. Nowhere to go. It would break my heart to leave my kids but I’ve come to realise if I don’t get away from my wife then this is only going to end in one outcome. I’m not far from it at all. I’m terrified of what she’ll do. I would be able to pay the core bills on this house (around £2200) & get a cheap airbnb (I’d need to live on canned food) until this house is sold. But she’d need to work to pay for groceries & ‘non-bill’ things. She can have all the equity from the house when it’s sold. All I want is for the kids to be ok.
One way or the other it’s terrifying: I live with the aftermath of telling her about the salary drop (if my mental health gets any worse it will be dangerous) or I find the courage to leave. If I leave I dread to think what crazy stuff she’ll do.
I’m exhausted, humiliated, ill & I’ve had as much as I can take. I’m only still here for the kids’ sake. But the bad thoughts are creeping in more & more
My wife hates me. I haven’t had a hug in years. She shows no compassion whatsoever. She makes it so blatantly obvious that she can’t stand me but that she’s just here because she has nowhere else to go.. It’s horrific. I haven’t explained it all well enough here. It feels like hell on earth & I’m on countdown now until this explodes one way or another. I’m already at the end of my tether. I just have to make sure that I am still here for my kids. Maybe not in the same house. But I can’t sink any lower & not be here at all