Good inexpensive wines

Cheap Meals

2009.09.22 12:45 Cheap Meals

A community made to discuss a cheaper way to make (or buy) your meals at home. Rules: 1. No Spam. 2. Nothing NSFW. 3. Posts must include a recipe, not just a link to personal blog. 4. Simple food preference discussions ARE allowed, just keep in mind there is a specific theme to the Subreddit. 5. Don’t be racist, sexist, ableist, transphobic, uncivil, etc.
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2022.09.08 07:40 HipsterDoofus31 cheapeatsLA

A place to discuss inexpensive good food in Los Angeles.
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2008.04.10 06:45 wine: red or white, the stuff you drink

A place to share all the latest happenings in the world of wine. The beverage, not the software.
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2024.05.14 08:25 PRSJ_13 Fear of breaking bland diet causing worse symptoms?

I just commented this on a post but wanted to see others experiences/ thoughts on this viewpoint- I will give my back story for context
I have been suffering with gastritis for 4 months (also have GERD and have had these symptoms for roughly the same amount of time in Jan last year) GI initially thought I had eosinophilic oesophagitis which was not confirmed by scope. Through trial and error I discovered that gluten triggered my symptoms and stopped eating it for 8 months which resolved my symptoms by around may last year, roughly 3 months into diet. During that time I ate healthy, home cooked everything, ate a wide variety of foods, spices, vegetables + meats and dairy. I mainly restricted processed foods, alcohol, chilli and acidic tomato. (I could eat everything and drink alcohol once healed)
Fast forward to Jan this year, symptoms make a comeback with a literal vengeance but I am GF so no idea what is causing it. Got an endoscopy and confirmed moderate linear gastritis with erosions + mild oesophagitis (non-allergy related and no signs of coeliac but I was gluten free @ the time of scope)
This led me to try to do things differently than last year because I assumed gluten was not the sole cause of this problem and wanted to rid of it forever, plus I had a diagnosis. So this sub reddit (bless it’s fkn soul) was my source for healing and I began the bland diet, cutting out literally everything except for rice, chicken/ organic gf chicken sausages, eggs and salmon (as I went on I included oats and home made almond butte a variety of herbal teas)
I followed an extremely strict supplement regimen without ppi (they caused a nervous breakdown when I tried them the year prior) I used MSM, collostrum, collagen, gelatin, Manuka honey (actually a god send and strongly recommend) and as I went I added coconut kefir, cabbage juice twice a day and aloe Vera juice twice a day.
I literally did not step out of line with this diet for 3 whole months. Not one mouthful, whiff or taste of a food outside of that and diligently took my supplements every day. I saw considerable improvement after the first month and then into the second month I stalled.
This is where it is interesting because I booked a Europe trip in October before relapsing, and I was without exaggerating, absolutely terrified of going over there with this illness. The thought of not being able to control my food/ bring my juicer for the cabbage or find dairy free kefir actually made me feel sick. And I think many of you can relate to that.
Anyway fast forward to 2 weeks before the trip, I’m about 75% better and have good days and bad days, I think it is important to note that the bad days caused significant distress and fear that I was regressing after getting better for the first month. It’s also important to note that I have not 100% confirmed my root cause at this point.
Because my GI told me I am not coeliac and gluten is likely fine, I started incorporating some sourdough toast/ fermented wheat products. Initially I responded absolutely fine to these. Once I decided I needed to break the diet in preparation for my trip I actually ate a donut and had minimal reaction.
About 9 days before the trip I started getting SEVERE lower belly cramping after every meal I consumed. At times I considered going to to the ER, even while I sat a final exam (RIP). At first I thought it was the folinic acid supplement I had incorporated (research on this shows it reverses damage in atrophic gastritis patients over 6 months of use so I thought it would be helpful) and I stopped it immediately but symptoms worsened. I came to the conclusion after the final exam fiasco (had 2 pieces of almond butter sourdough) that I am probably coeliac/ wheat allergy and the scope did not show damage because I had already been GF for 8 months (need to eat a gluten filled diet for 6 weeks for coeliac testing to be conclusive)
So I went back to my GF diet and the symptoms persisted and got worse. During this time my gastritis was also flaring up I think because of the distress from the pain and at this time I incorporated a half dose/ day of esomsprazole (the weakest PPI on the market, honestly for more mental reassurance than anything). And I know this is long as hell but stay with me, the details matter,
I decided I’m just going to have to cop the awful health and go on the trip (I genuinely considered cancelling and staying home because it was so fucked) but I just took a massive gamble and went. I just happened to speak to a naturopath @ work that day who suggested taking digestive enzymes for the trip to aid with the tummy ache (and for those fresh in the gastritis journey I would strongly recommend these, have had a huge impact for me)
This was 4 days ago, I’ve been in Paris for 4 days and it is absolutely impossible to get food that will fit these dietary requirements. I cannot get cabbage juice or straight aloe Vera water, I can’t find an organic butcher and I honestly thought it would be more miserable to subscribe to my frankly militant routine with my eating.
And therein lies the miracle- I chose to accept my health as it was, and accept the situation for the potentially shit reality that it may have been, and I just started eating food and breaking my diet. I started with plain rice and kebab meat with garlic sauce (extremely bold I know) and had some light symptoms that went away very quickly. It is essential to note that I was really scared to eat this meal but knew I needed to do it.
The following day I felt empowered and decided to try some restaurant food that was heavily seasoned, and I had a glass of wine. When I tell you I literally could not believe that I didn’t drop dead from the relapse I thought that would cause, I realised that for me (and potentially some of you long term sufferers) that the anxiety of coming out from under the safety blanket of the bland diet and extreme restriction was keeping me sick. Each day I have felt more emboldened and less scared and therefore have eaten further into my list of fear foods. This includes Mexican food (spicy + citrus) a matcha latte and an enjoyable amount of alcohol.
I genuinely cannot believe that this is how it’s going and it made me wonder what part the psychological damage this condition does to us, has on the maintenance of the illness or worsening of symptoms that cannot be explained by diet/ lifestyle changes.
I absolutely want to acknowledge the real suffering that this condition cause, I have experienced it and we can all agree it’s fucked, but I would be remiss to ignore that it seems my actual (seeming) recovery from this illness was made complete by letting go of the fea anxiety and accepting whatever outcome I got. I genuinely think that the crippling mental health aspect could be responsible for ongoing, indefinite suffering that I see on this sub. Because obviously the bland diet/ supplements and (potentially) confirming root cause had huge impact on my physiological healing and it could not have been achieved without that work,
BUT, I could never seem to shake it fully. It’s like the fear of the illness keeps it going/ stagnated at like 75% or regressing.
I am interested to know everyone’s thoughts. This will obviously not be a method for those early in healing, but may give hope to those long term sufferers
TLDR: I am able to eat all of my trigger foods after deciding to let go of the mental safety net that is bland diet/ gastritis recovery protocol, which leads me to question if psychological distress associated w/ gastritis is keeping us sick
submitted by PRSJ_13 to Gastritis [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 08:23 blake9916558 PVCs started 2 weeks ago

Hi everyone, I am 33F and one month ago I did a routine EKG and had one PVC during. The doctor told me not to worry but she prescribed Holter and echo in case I started to feel PVCs more frequently. I was a bit worried but managed not to think about it at first.
Two weeks later, while laying down at night I started to feel many of them in a few minutes so I freaked out and had a lot of trouble falling asleep. From that moment, in the last two weeks, I am having them everyday many times a day because I started to track my pulse. I don’t feel every of them especially while working but I feel them when lying down, especially right before going to sleep where usually they happen in bigeminy or trigeminy for a while.
I had a visit and an echo and everything was fine. I did an holter 24h and it showed 2500 pvcs (2% burden) and I am worried even more than before because I wasn’t expecting so many; most of them happened after dinner and after lunch but I went for a high speed walk after lunch so I am worried they happened during that which I heard is not good. My cardiologist is not answering to emails so he didn’t comment the holter yet, but I sent it to another cardiologist I know and he told me that the ectopics printed in the holter are actually PACs with low aberrance and not PVCs (have no idea what that means but I don’t know if he is right or the person who read the holter is).
I am an anxious person, I don’t smoke and I just drink some wine now and then, my weight is normal. I used to drank one coffee at morning but I stopped. I breastfed my baby for 18 months until a couple of months ago; I was on the mini pill while breastfeeding, recently switched to the ‘regular’ birth control pill some weeks before it all started. Could this be related? My cardio said no.
I am quite worried about the future and how this will affect my heart. Do you get used to it?
submitted by blake9916558 to PVCs [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 08:02 Adelmas Uhh is this bad

Uhh is this bad
First time making vinegar. I feel like nothing is happening. This has been sitting for 3 months. I kick-started it with raw apple cider vinegar. It started out as strong pineapple wine.
It still smells very alcoholic, and now this stuff is growing on it. It still doesn't even smell that vinegary. Is this bad or good?
submitted by Adelmas to vinegar [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 08:00 AutoModerator Kim Tan's Talk Time (Tuesday) - [2024/05/14]

Hello and welcome to Kim Tan's Talk Time (Tuesday)!
This is a free-for-all discussion in which almost anything goes, don't diss The Heirs or break any of our other core rules. General discussion about anything and everything is allowed.
Consider this post a refuge from all the memes and fanart that are pouring in and enjoy the peace and quiet. Think of it as Tan's family wine cellar, the perfect place to chill out from the world in a fabulous sweater and have a little chat.
Who is this Kim Tan I keep hearing about and why does he have not one, but two threads dedicated to him? Good questions. If you take a look through our glossary, you will find all the answers you seek;
KIM TAN is the lead male in KDRAMA’s favourite drama, The Heirs. He’s kind of the worst but he has great sweaters so it balances out. “Kim Tan” is used in three ways on KDRAMA; 1) when referring to Lee Min Ho’s seminal character in The Heirs, 2) when referring to Automod (alt. Tan Bot) - “Kim Tan is feeling very triggered by my post”, “S***! Tan Bot just ate my post”, 3) In place of “God” or other deities - “For the love of Kim Tan!”
Please remember to use spoiler tags when discussing major plot points or anything you think should be redacted. If you are using Markdown and not Fancy Pants Editor, the easiest way to create spoiler tags is to use > ! spoiler content ! < without spaces to get spoiler content. For more detailed guidance on spoiler tags and when to use them, check our Spoiler Tags Tutorial.
Just In Case Resources
FAQ and Netflix FAQ Glossary Latest On-Airs and On-Air Roster Rules and Policies Where To Watch aka Legal Sites Everything In Our Wiki aka Wiki Homepage Get Recommendations For Your Next Watch
submitted by AutoModerator to KDRAMA [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 07:56 IndependentPhase723 ETG test 38 hours after drinking

I’m about 120 lbs in fairly good shape. My PO called me and informed me I have until Tuesday at 4pm to test.
My last drink was Sunday at 1am. It was about 4-5 glasses of wine with 16% alcohol consumed in about a two hour timeframe!
I plan on getting my PO by 3:45 so that’s 38 hours give or take.
I don’t know my ETG cut off unfortunately. I’ve been drinking plenty of water since 12pm after the call today.
I went running for maybe 35 minutes.
I bought green tea and unsweetened cranberry juice as well as electrolyte drinks.
Should I be worried about failing?
submitted by IndependentPhase723 to probation [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 07:50 pearldental12 Teeth Whitening: How It Works, Types, and Side Effects:

Teeth whitening is a popular cosmetic dental procedure aimed at enhancing the appearance of teeth by removing stains and discoloration. Here's an overview of how it works, the different types available, and potential side effects:

How Teeth Whitening Works

Teeth whitening primarily involves the use of bleaching agents, usually hydrogen peroxide or carbamide peroxide. These agents penetrate the enamel to reach the discolored molecules within the tooth. The bleaching agents break the bonds of the discolored molecules, resulting in a whiter appearance of the teeth.

Types of Teeth Whitening

  1. In-Office Whitening:
    • Procedure: Performed by a dentist, this method involves applying a high-concentration bleaching agent directly to the teeth. Often, a special light or laser is used to accelerate the whitening process.
    • Duration: Typically completed in one visit, lasting 30-90 minutes.
    • Effectiveness: Provides immediate and dramatic results, with teeth often becoming several shades lighter.
  2. At-Home Whitening (Prescribed by Dentist):
    • Procedure: Dentists provide custom-fitted trays and a lower-concentration bleaching gel for use at home. Patients typically wear the trays for a few hours a day or overnight for several weeks.
    • Duration: Results usually appear within a few days to a couple of weeks.
    • Effectiveness: Can achieve similar results to in-office treatments over a longer period.
  3. Over-the-Counter Whitening Products:
    • Whitening Strips: Thin, flexible strips coated with a bleaching gel. Applied directly to the teeth and worn for a specified time.
    • Whitening Toothpastes and Mouthwashes: Contain mild abrasives or low concentrations of bleaching agents to help remove surface stains.
    • Whitening Pens and Gels: Applied directly to the teeth with a brush applicator.
  4. Natural Remedies:
    • Baking Soda: A mild abrasive that can help remove surface stains.
    • Hydrogen Peroxide Rinse: A diluted solution can be used as a mouthwash.
    • Fruit Peels: Some people use banana or orange peels to rub on their teeth, though scientific evidence supporting effectiveness is limited.

Side Effects of Teeth Whitening

  1. Tooth Sensitivity:
    • Cause: Whitening agents can penetrate the enamel and reach the dentin, causing temporary sensitivity.
    • Management: Use of desensitizing toothpaste or reducing the frequency of whitening treatments.
  2. Gum Irritation:
    • Cause: Contact with bleaching agents can irritate the gums.
    • Management: Ensuring proper application to avoid contact with the gums, and using protective barriers during in-office treatments.
  3. Enamel Damage:
    • Risk: Overuse or improper application of whitening products can weaken the enamel.
    • Prevention: Follow the recommended usage guidelines and consult with a dentist before starting any whitening regimen.
  4. Uneven Whitening:
    • Cause: Existing dental work (fillings, crowns, veneers) does not respond to bleaching agents, leading to color mismatch.
    • Solution: Discuss options with a dentist to ensure a uniform appearance.

Considerations and Tips

Teeth whitening can significantly enhance your smile’s appearance, but it’s important to choose the right method and be aware of potential side effects. Always seek professional advice to ensure safe and effective whitening.
submitted by pearldental12 to u/pearldental12 [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 07:45 Ophelia_Y2K can you put cooking wine in the microwave?

i made some lazy marsala pasta ish thing (i hate cleaning pans). basically i boiled the pasta, put it in a bowl then stirred in cheese, butter, seasonings, and some marsala cooking wine to the pasta, then microwaved it enough to melt the thinly sliced cheese (30 seconds then another 30 seconds)
nothing exploded and it tasted pretty good, but i was worried that either the microwave would light on fire, the taste would be weird somehow, or the italian government would possibly put a hit out on me
submitted by Ophelia_Y2K to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 07:11 tab_rick The Ultimate Guide to Finding the Most Comfortable Bathtub For You

The Ultimate Guide to Finding the Most Comfortable Bathtub For You

The Value of Choosing the Right Bathtub

The bathtub occupies a crucial role in our homes and is frequently thought of as a calm sanctuary. It’s not simply a place to get clean; it’s also a place to relax, think, and find comfort after a long day. Given the wide variety of forms and styles on the market, selecting the most comfortable bathtub may be a painstaking process. The decision should not be made carelessly because the ideal bathtub may greatly improve bathing comfort and promote well-being.

Knowing Bathtub Shapes and How They Affect Comfort

The comfort of a bathtub is significantly influenced by its form. It affects the quantity of water the tub can hold, how it fits in your bathroom, and how one’s body lays inside of it. The soaking experience is directly impacted by the geometry of a bathtub’s form. For instance, oval and slipper tubs are popular options for people looking for a pleasant bath with back support because of their gentle curves, which offer a natural recline that supports the back and neck. On the other hand, unless properly created with ergonomic considerations, square or rectangular tubs, with their clean lines, may give a more modern style but may influence comfort.

https://preview.redd.it/dbhj7j0urb0d1.png?width=612&format=png&auto=webp&s=d0c0d77879a5b63e9fed32c92c1e43e4736c558f

Type 1: Oval Shape Tubs: The Classic Choice

Oval tubs have endured because of its timeless shape that works with a variety of bathroom aesthetics.

Advantages of oval shape for relaxing

In particular, oval bathtubs are linked with comfort thanks to their shape. Its delicate contours let your neck and back naturally recline, encouraging a calm posture. Oval bathtubs are safer since they don’t have any sharp corners, especially in homes with kids. Oval tubs are favored by 37% of homeowners, which reflects their lasting appeal, according to a Houzz poll.

Situational recommendations for oval tubs

Oval bathtubs possess versatility and can seamlessly complement both traditional and contemporary bathroom aesthetics. They are particularly suited for spacious bathrooms, where they can serve as a luxurious centerpiece. Additionally, smaller versions are also readily available to accommodate compact spaces, ensuring that everyone can enjoy a comfortable bathing experience in smaller spaces. Oval baths are an excellent choice for couples seeking to share their bath time.

Type 2: Round Shape Tubs: Embracing Circular Comfort

Round bathtubs are a representation of luxury and space and provide a distinctive bathing experience.

The advantages of round tubs’ roomy design

There is plenty of space to sprawl out and unwind in a round tub because of its form. After a stressful day, they are a wonderful way to unwind. They are an excellent choice for a protracted, leisurely soak due to their vast dimensions. 41% of bathers, according to an MTI Baths survey, prefer a longer soak, which is possible thanks to the huge water storage capacity of circular tubs.

Ideal situations for selecting a circular bathtub

Larger bathrooms and rooms with lots of space are ideal for using round bathtubs. They provide an impression of grandeur and elegance and act as a lavish focal point. They might not be the greatest option for small bathrooms because of their size. If you have enough space, a circular tub is a terrific option for anybody looking for the most comfortable bathtub because it may greatly enhance the bathroom’s aesthetic and comfort level.

Type 3: Corner Shape Tubs: The Ultimate Fusion of Luxury and Practicality

Corner baths are the ultimate in elegance and functionality for the discriminating homeowner who refuses to compromise. Why settle for the mundane when you may upgrade your bathing experience even in the most intimate of settings?

Why are Corner Tubs the King of Space-Saving Designs?

Corner tubs are more than simply bathtubs; they are a fashion declaration. They are cleverly designed to slip neatly into nooks and convert even the tiniest bathrooms into luxurious retreats. Consider creating a spa-like sanctuary in your own home, replete with built-in seats and the relaxing embrace of whirlpool jets. For individuals who like bath time rituals, these tubs provide plenty of room for your favorite bath toys, books, or perhaps a glass of wine. It’s more than simply a bath; it’s an experience with all the bells and whistles.

Choosing the Ideal Corner Tub: Aesthetics and Functionality

When it comes to corner bathtubs, it’s all about creating your own little hideaway. To guarantee a flawless fit, consider the size of your bathroom as well as the peculiarities of your plumbing. Dive into the universe of design options, from the classic beauty of the triangle shape to the modern flare of rounded corner bathtubs.

Type 4: The Unique Charm of Drop-In Shape Tubs

Drop-in bathtubs offer a unique blend of practicality and aesthetics, delivering a modern look and a relaxing bathing experience.

Benefits of installing drop-in bathtubs economically

Regardless of the tub’s form, drop-in tubs are often less costly and simpler to install than standalone tubs. Due to its placement inside a deck or similar pre-designed surroundings, this type of tub may effortlessly fit into the bathroom’s decor. An integrated drop-in bathtub, like the sort of tub, is the ideal choice for homeowners who are constrained by space but yet want to enjoy a high-quality bathing experience.

When designing drop-ins, take aesthetics into consideration.

Like acrylic tubs, drop-in tubs come in a number of shapes, allowing homeowners a choice of ornamental possibilities. Add stunning tile work or a distinctive deck material to them to create an amazing bathroom focal point. Because of the many different design options, drop-in tubs, like the acrylic tub, are a popular alternative for homeowners searching for a modern and comfortable bathtub solution that also preserves water temperature.

Type 5: The Elegant Slipper Shape Tubs and Their Appeal

Slipper baths provide a stylish and comfortable bathing option with its distinctive high-back design.

The advantages of ergonomic slipper baths

The high-back design of slipper tubs, which provides exceptional neck and back support, makes them among the most comfortable bathtub alternatives for long soaks. They are well-liked by those seeking a lavish bathing experience since they have a historic allure and make the bathroom seem sumptuous.

Maximizing the slipper tub in your bathroom

Because of its unique style, slipper bathtubs may draw attention in any bathroom. Bathrooms with a vintage or classic design in particular benefit from their old-world charm. When placing the slipper tub, make sure it is in the middle of the room, with one side of the tub featuring a slope for back support and the drain on the other side. It might be placed next to a window for a serene view or in the center for a striking effect. Add vintage fixtures and dim lighting to it to make it more appealing.
Modern slipper baths strike a balance between design and use by having a traditional look with modern comforts. If you’re making your very own private retreat, a single slipper bath is ideal, has a drain on the opposite side, and only has one side with a slope for back support.

Type 6: Square Shape Tubs: Modernity and Minimalism

With its distinct edges and crisp lines, square bathtubs give bathrooms a modern, minimalist look.

Square bathtubs’ visual attraction in modern designs

Modern architecture designs that emphasize straight lines and geometric shapes are reflected in square bathtubs. They are popular in modern and minimalist bathroom designs because of their symmetrical shape, which gives them a sleek and elegant appearance. 29% of respondents to a Bath Trends poll said they favored square tubs for their contemporary appearance.

Functional concerns for the use of square bathtubs

While square bathtubs have a contemporary look, their straight edges may not necessarily make them the most comfortable option for long soaks. But a lot of contemporary square bathtubs are made with comfort in mind, giving a relaxing soak. Before buying, the tub must be tried out for comfort. The fact that square tubs are frequently smaller also makes them ideal for tiny bathrooms or apartments in cities.

Type 7: Rectangular Shape Tubs: Timeless Elegance

Because of its classic design and capacity to offer both convenience and elegance, rectangular bathtubs have remained popular for many years.

Why a lot of people still adore rectangular tubs

Rectangular bathtubs were perfect for persons who wish to take long, peaceful baths since they offer a wide interior and provide much space. The straight lines of a bathroom design may add a timeless elegance to both traditional and modern bathroom designs. It’s important to consider breadth while choosing freestanding bathtubs as well. The standard length of a freestanding tub is 48 to 72 inches, and its typical width is at least 30 inches.

Some suggestions for improving comfort in rectangle baths

Despite the fact that rectangular bathtubs are inherently large, the level of comfort may be boosted by including extras like whirlpool jets, ergonomic backrests, or even padded headrests. This must also be considered because a deeper tub provides a more immersed bathing experience.

Conclusion: Selecting the Best Bathtub for Maximum Relaxation

Understanding your own tastes, aesthetic criteria, and practical requirements are all important steps in the search for the most comfortable bathtub. To make sure that every bath is a restorative experience amidst the abundance of possibilities, it is imperative to put comfort first.

Some of the crucial factors to consider while choosing a bathtub

It’s important to take form, size, material, and design into account while selecting a bathtub. Understanding the advantages that each design offers might help one make an informed choice. Whether it’s the ergonomic comfort of a slipper tub, the contemporary attractiveness of a square tub, or the timeless beauty of an oval tub, making the perfect pick may completely change the bathing experience. The sturdy alternative of stainless steel tubs is readily accessible in a range of designs. There are inexpensive solutions to think about, and they may keep heat effectively. Enameled steel tubs are prone to chipping and scratches, though. If you are comparing less expensive choices, they are also heavier than acrylic tubs.
✩The benefits and drawbacks of each style of bathtub are compared below; to make the best decision, consider your own tastes as well as the unique circumstances of your home:

Bathtub Type Advantages Disadvantages
Oval Shape Tubs – Timeless design suitable for various aesthetics.– Ergonomic shape for natural recline- Safer with no sharp corners. – May require more space compared to other designs.
Round Shape Tubs – Symbol of luxury and spaciousness.– Ample space for relaxation.– Hold more water for deeper soak. – Not suitable for smaller bathrooms due to size.
Corner Shape Tubs – Space-saving design.– Fits snugly into corners.– Can include spa-like features.– Suitable for small bathrooms. – Might not be as spacious as other designs.
Drop-In Shape Tubs – Easy installation.– Cost-effective.– Seamless integration with bathroom decor.– Offers additional storage options. – Might require a pre-built surround or deck.
Slipper Shape Tubs – High-back design for neck and back support.– Vintage charm adds elegance.– Suitable for long soaks. – Might require more space due to design.
Square Shape Tubs – Modern and minimalist design.– Suitable for contemporary bathrooms. – Straight edges might not be as comfortable.
Rectangular Shape Tubs – Spacious interior for long baths.– Timeless design suitable for various aesthetics. – Might require more space compared to other designs.

submitted by tab_rick to KKRsolidsurface [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 06:35 Ukrainer_UA 5:11 EEST; The Sun is Rising Over Kyiv on the 811th Day of the Full-Scale Invasion. About the Ukrainian tradition of honoring the departed by sharing food and drink with them.

5:11 EEST; The Sun is Rising Over Kyiv on the 811th Day of the Full-Scale Invasion. About the Ukrainian tradition of honoring the departed by sharing food and drink with them.
We are Ukraïner, a non-profit media aimed at advocating for the authentic Ukraine - and unexpected geographical discoveries and multiculturalism.
This is an article that was published on May 11th, 2024. It has been condensed for Reddit.
_______________________________

Provody, Provodna Nedilia, Hrobky, Mohylky... let us tell you about these holidays and why people celebrate them.

Photo: Taras Kovalchuk.
In Ukraine you might see small groups of people who gather at cemeteries every Spring, bringing food and strong drinks, setting tables right among the graves, and conversing and praying for a long time. This might seem strange or even uncouth to some, however, this is a longstanding Ukrainian tradition of honoring ancestors. Unfortunately, many perceive it with prejudice or hostility nowadays because there is often a lack of understanding of how this ritual actually took place before various ideologies influenced its interpretation (and the ritual itself). Primarily, this concerns the detrimental impact of the Soviet era, during which this Ukrainian tradition either withered away or degenerated completely.
Provody, Provodna Nedilia, Hrobky, Mohylky, also known as Radunytsia (Radonytsia), Didy, Babskyi Velykden—all these are names common in various regions of Ukraine but denote the same thing: the days of honoring departed souls and remembering their lives during a symbolic meal.
Ancestor worship has been known since the times of ancient societies: both in matriarchal communities (in Melanesia, Micronesia) and in later patriarchal societies. Ancient Greeks, Romans, and Slavs also had such traditions.

Origins of the Ukrainian Tradition

During the early times of Rus, tradition of Radonytsia was known to already exist and it was closely linked with ancestor worship. Its roots trace back to the era of paganism and the word literally means "solemn days." Ancient Slavs referred to Radonytsia or "spring joy" as a whole cycle of spring holidays dedicated to commemorating the dead. When Christianity was adopted, the celebration condensed into a single day—the second Sunday after Easter. According to ancient folk beliefs, the dead rejoice when their living relatives remember them fondly and tend to their graves.
According to Ukrainian folk beliefs, the annual commemorations of relatives during the spring awakening of nature symbolized the infinity of the life cycle and the inclusion of people who had passed away into this cycle. After the adoption of Christianity, Orthodox clergy initially condemned all such holidays, including Provody (the common name given by the church), considering them pagan rituals, and called for the eradication of this custom. However, such powerful archetypal traditions are impossible to erradicate, so they remained, albeit transformed into various forms and manifestations. For example, in addition to Provody, honoring the dead found expression in the following holidays:
Winter
  • Christmas: weaving a didukh (a symbol of the ancestor), in some regions, people leave a spoon in kutia after the Holy Supper, leaving the dish overnight, supposedly for the souls of deceased relatives.
Spring & Summer
  • Green Holidays, including Green Sunday (Trinity Sunday): commemorating the dead at home, in church, and/or at the cemetery, adorning graves with greenery. On the Saturday before the Green Holidays, even those who died by their own hand are commemorated.
Autumn
  • Dmytro's Saturday, Grandfathers’ Saturday, Grandfathers’ Days, Grandfathers’ Laments, or Grandfathers (Didy): honoring departed family members at home with a memorial dinner, including kolyva, visiting their graves, and tidying them up.
Over time, memorial days became an organic part of church commemorations: requiem services were held not only in church but also at the cemetery. At the same time, the observance of Provody was regulated, essentially reduced to commemorating known relatives, and any pre-Christian era expressions of joyful behavior were condemned. However, in Polissia, unlike, say, central Ukraine, the tradition still retains more archaic features. For example, it is considered a sin to mourn during these days because the deceased should rejoice that their relatives remember them, so it is very important not to "spoil the mood" for the dead.
Photo. Luchka Village, Poltava region, 1960s. Photo from the family archive of Oleksandr Liutyi.
The first known written mention of commemorating relatives in the second week after Easter is recorded in the Chronicles of Rus from 1372.
Throughout the ages, addressing ancestors and/or honoring them was fundamental for Ukrainians, shaping their identity and influencing various aspects of life, including spirituality. Thematic holidays and rituals existed in all Ukrainian regions, so the stereotype that this is a Soviet relic or lacks cultural taste is fallacious, as the connection with ancestors provides an answer to the question "who are we?"
Before Provody, on the Thursday of Holy Week, it is customary to visit the cemetery to tidy up the graves of relatives—pull out weeds, tidy or update plaques, plant new flowers. Therefore, this day is sometimes called the “Mavka’s Easter” or "Easter for the Dead" because it was believed that on this day the news of Easter reached the afterlife, and the dead joined the celebration with the living.
Photo: Taras Kovalchuk.

Memorial event after Easter

In simplified terms, Hrobky, Provody, Mohylky, etc., are a way to commemorate the dead loved ones, sharing a meal with them, so to speak. Therefore, in addition to the usual food for daily consumption, special food with ritual significance is prepared. This includes consecrated bread and kolyva. Kolyva among Slavic peoples, including Ukrainians, refers to a memorial kutia made from grains with a sweet syrup. The name of this dish originates from the ancient custom of offering grain and fruits during memorial ceremonies, which in Ancient Greek was called "kolluba" (in Byzantine pronunciation — "kollyva").
The recipe for memorial kutia may overlap with the recipe for Christmas kutia, but the former is usually less sweet. Traditionally, kolyva is made from boiled wheat, but nowadays it can be made from rice, with the addition of raisins, nuts and sometimes candy-coated seeds or nuts. The porridge is poured over with water mixed with honey or sugar. The use of grain in kolyva symbolizes the continuation of the family line, while honey was believed to cleanse from sins.
Of course, the recipe may vary slightly depending on the region. For example, in the Dnipro region, instead of grains, people traditionally use slices of white bread soaked in syrup.
Kolyva is usually eaten with a single shared spoon, just as a symbolic amount of alcohol is drank from a single glass. The leftover memorial kutia is intended as food for the dead, as if they were visiting the living during the meal. Ethnographer Dmytro Zelenin noted that according to the beliefs of Eastern Slavs, "the dead has all the same needs as a living person, especially the need for food."
Photo: Taras Kovalchuk.
Our ancestors believed that sharing a meal with the souls of the dead granted them eternal peace. And for the living, it served as a reminder not only of the cycle, transience, and cyclical nature of life but also strengthened the family through this connection with their ancestors. During the meal, proverbs were recited: "They lie down to rest—holding up the land, while we walk—waking up the land," "Let us be healthy, and let them rest easy."
The script of the event in various regions of Ukraine was and sometimes remains more or less constant: first, the priest performs the solemn liturgical service, then the families gathered at the cemetery sit down to commemorate the dead with the food and drinks. The memorial meal begins with a collective prayer. In the Polissia region, for example, there is a tradition of sprinkling the graves with blessed eggs, and in some regions, it was customary to sing spiritual songs.
During the pre-Soviet period, significantly more food was traditionally consumed during these memorial days than nowadays. Dishes like kulish, cabbage soup, peas with smoked meat, pork liver, bread, creppes with various fillings, dumplings, pies, knyshi (a type of bread), stuffed cabbage rolls, fried fish, and more were prepared specifically for the event. Special bread called paska and kutia were also made.
Interestingly, the meals were either eaten at tables set in advance or on blankets spread out on the grass. In the 1970s, tables and benches began to be universally installed, one for each family. This allowed living relatives to share the memorial meal in close proximity to the dead.
In addition to food, drinks, including alcoholic beverages, were also brought to the graves. However, this should not be equated with a regular feast, as everything had a ritual significance. For example, a symbolic shot of horilka was passed around in a circle among those present so that everyone could take a sip "for the Kingdom of Heaven" and for the repose of the dead. It is noteworthy that the glasses were only raised, not clinked, as this was strictly forbidden at memorial gatherings.
If the table was large and many people gathered around it, there were two such shots, but no more. The reason for this restrained feast near the graves was simple— it was believed that a loud celebration could scare the souls of the dead, who, according to folk beliefs, were present there. People didn't sing, they spoke quietly and solemnly. Toasts were not proposed; instead, they said phrases like "[Name] eat, drink, rest, and wait for us!"; "Eat, drink, and remember us, sinners!"; "May you await the Kingdom of Heaven, and may we not hurry to join you!"; "May the earth be soft!"; "Let's drink to the Kingdom of Heaven for our (Ivan, Olha, etc.)!"
Photo. Luchka village, Poltava Region, 1960s. Photo from the family archive of Oleksandr Liutyi.
In addition to dishes for the common table, people would always prepare dishes for the dead that they particularly enjoyed in life. After the meal, a portion of these dishes, some kutia, and sometimes even horilka were left at the grave, and the earth was sprinkled with this strong drink.
Such memorial gatherings often invited passersby and the poor. Leftover food was distributed to those who couldn't attend, with a request to eat or drink "in memory of the souls."
Photo. Engraving from 1877 based on a drawing by Kostiantyn Trutovskyi. Source: \"Vsesvitnia Ilustratsiia\" magazine, volume 17.
In the church dictionary of 1773, there is mention of such a custom:
— On Radonytsia, it was a common practice among the common folk to remember their deceased relatives with pagan rituals, and whoever remembered them brought sweetened wine, pies, crepes to the grave. After performing prayers the priest would take a cup of wine or a glass of beer, and poured out most of it onto the grave and drank the rest themselves; at the same time, women would lament the good deeds of the deceased with tearful voices...
Photo: Yuriy Stefanyak.
All this once again prompts us to think that cemeteries are not only about personal stories but also about the life of a whole nation. That is why it is important to take care of preserving cemeteries and rediscovering authentic traditions. During the full-scale war, this is more relevant than ever, as russia is making daily efforts to destroy not only the Ukrainian nation but also any memory of it.
Unfortunately, many Ukrainians currently cannot even visit the graves of their relatives because they are buried in occupied territories; many villages, towns, and even cities are destroyed, so there is nowhere to come to remember. Every piece of native land becomes more precious, the value of each life becomes sharper, and the importance of memory becomes more significant.
_______________________________
The 784th day of a nine year invasion that has been going on for centuries.
One day closer to victory.

🇺🇦 HEROYAM SLAVA! 🇺🇦

submitted by Ukrainer_UA to ukraine [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 06:15 KestheProphetofGod Oracle 62

Hear ye, the word which the LORD speaketh unto thee, O’ House of God. Thus saith the LORD, ‘you have learned the ways of the heathen, dismayed by the signs of heaven, just as the heathen are dismayed by the WORD of the LORD. For, your customs are in vain, as one cutteth a tree out of the forest, only to lay it waste. Behold, the workman of your house uses an axe, fashioning it in harlotry, decking it with silver and gold, fastening it with hammer and nails, that it moveth not. You claim to be upright, but speak not as such, your deeds are full of scorn, and you cannot enter MY HOUSE, ALL ISRAEL. You should be afraid, because you do evil in my sight, neither do you do good.’ There is no other like you my LORD, thou art great, and thy NAME is mighty. Who would not fear thee, Master of the Universe? There is no other like you. Neither king, queen, prince or pastor, for, they all fall short of thee, and the priest shall come unto me, and know thy WORD is LOVE. For, they are altogether, both pastor and priest, brutish and foolish, their doctrines are scorn and full of vanity. Silver is spread onto their plate, gold has become their entrails, crimson red, pale blue and leaven white is their clothing, and they are all working for cunning men, lying in deceit for riches and recognition. But, the LORD is the true GOD, for, He is living, an everlasting KING, and at His wrath ye shall tremble, and ye shall not be able to abide His indignation. Thus, even ye shall say God has made heaven and earth, but, ye shall perish from the earth, and from under heaven. For, He hath made the earth by His power, He hath established the world by His wisdom, and hath stretched out the heavens by His discretion. When He uttereth his voice, there is a multitude of waters in the heavens, and He causeth the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth, He maketh lightnings with rain, and bringeth forth the wind out of His treasures. For, His voice will shout, in the coming of our Lord, the WORD, Jesus Christ, a multitude of nations will hear Him, and He will cause those in folly, to descend to the depths of the earth, like ashes in a smoldering fire. The two horns will break, the false prophet is brutish in his knowledge of death, and every founder is confounded by the graven images they made, and the image of the beast is molten and false, for, there is no life in it, or them and the words they speak. They are vanity, the work of errors, for, their way has become desolate, and in the time of their visitation, they shall perish in their covenant made with death. The portion of God’s Son is not for them, neither from former nor new, did they walk the path of their inheritance, for, the LORD bears the Name of the righteous, a song they will hear no more. Gather up thy wares, inhabitants of Mystery Babylon. For, thus saith the LORD, ‘I will sling out the inhabitants of the land at this once, and will distress them, that they may find it so.’ Woe is me for my burden, my words bring me grief. For, she was once my place of refuge and calm, truly I am grieved, my GOD, but I must bear this burden in praise that I am saved. The church has been spoiled, cords have been broken and children have strayed, and they are not His anymore. The tent cannot be stretched, and the curtains have been drawn shut, none to enter forevermore. For, the pastors and priests have become brutish, and have not sought the LORD, therefore they shall not prosper, and all their flocks shall be scattered, from hill to mountain, valley and ravine. Behold, the Judge cometh, and a great tumult bear down on them, and in the far north country of the land, shall the Bride hide from the den of dragons, and be spared of the desolation to come. My LORD, the way of man is not himself, and the church has fallen prey to Satan, directing their steps. Correct me, my GOD, judge me, without anger, lest thou bring me to naught. For, you will pour out your fury on the harlot, and all the earth shall see, that you are the ONE TRUE GOD. Amen. Hear ye now, what the LORD saith, ‘come forth and come out of her my people, from the mountains and hills, valleys and ravines, hear my voice.’ Hear ye, kingdoms of the world, foundations of earth and sea, for, the LORD hath controversy with His people, they have become harlots in His sight, and He will plead to her for His Bride in violence and spoil. He saith, ‘O my people, what have I done unto thee? And, wherein have I wearied thee? You testify against me!’ For, He had brought you out of Israel, sent forth into the nations as a witness, redeemed by the blood of His Son, His servants have been wearied and worn in keeping you straight, but, you have digressed and adorned yourself with jewels and gems, gold with brazen silver and purple cloth, adorning yourselves like kings in place of the true living KING. Serving Baal cloaked in riches, consulting with demons in place of righteousness, your doctrines are but filth to Him, leaven in the lump as tears fall from the face of Jezebel. God requires, justice, love, mercy, humility and steadfast trust in His ways, but, you have treaded self-serving commandments of men, that bring desolation to His House. The nations hiss at you, and your love for them has been forgotten. The LORD is not pleased, and in His infinite wisdom, the rod of justice shall come down for correction, for, He hath appointed this, and the time is at hand. They will be measured for their wickedness they have brought into His house, and they are an abomination to Him, for, their scantness has polluted the whole body therein. The balance has been weighted towards harlotry, for, the body is made up of many members, and if one has become wicked, the whole lot is full of scorn and deceit. For, the rich men thereof are full of violence, and the inhabitants thereof have spoken lies, and their tongue is deceitful in their mouth, and the body must be made anew in violence and persecution. Therefore, the LORD will make thee sick in your sin, smiting them across thy foreheads and hands, desolation to come for the abomination you have brought into His house. Thou shalt eat, but not be satisfied, and the harlot shall be cast down in place of thee, delivered unto Satan by the sword of righteousness, the BRANCH. You shall reap what you have sown. He will remove the anointing oil from thee, no longer a sweet wine once poured on the altar of love, and thou shall thirst forevermore, for, the statuettes of the LORD shall remain, and the works of Jezebel shall be known to all the nations, because you have walked in her ways, and He will make thee desolate, as a reproach for His remnant to come. This is the word for the LORD.
submitted by KestheProphetofGod to u/KestheProphetofGod [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 06:02 ExcitingSand1358 Relationship ended after a poor choice of words, what could I of done differently? 27m & 28f

Hey all, I just wanted some insight of what I should do. About 1 week ago me (27m) and my now ex (28f) broke up. We only dated for a hot minute, 1 month. We were in constant contact daily (she wanted me to keep intouch especially if I was at work). And everyother day we were together in person. We met through work I'm a firefighter, she's in law enforcement. When we were together she'd tell me things that she's said she had either never opened up about. But how easy it was to open up with me. Everything was going great. She liked my no bs about the future. We agreed what both of our intentions were LTR with marriage and kids etc. Like I said, all was going great.
One day she wanted me to meet her best friend (30f). I agreed, we went to the best friends house together. The friend had a kid that kept going around hitting the women (8m) and I stopped him. Basically saying that behavior isn't tolerated and I'm not going to allow it. I then told him to apologize, which he did. All else was going well. By my 3rd drink I said it was going to be my last one. But I seen my gf and her friend opened another bottle of wine so I had another 2 beers. Later in the night my gf told me she wanted to spend the night so she could watch her best friends son soccer game in the am. It's not what I wanted, but thinking all was well I went along with it. We kissed, I left.
After I got home I texted her saying I had a good time and enjoyed her company. I also apologized if she felt like I shouldn't of driven because I drank 2 more beers 5 total in 5 hours than I said I would. She said she had a good time too and enjoyed my company. She ignored the part that I mentioned about alcohol.
Fast forward, next day. I'm at work, she's more cold and distant. It takes her significantly longer to get back to me than normal. And she doesn't want to talk about yesterday. Eventually I get super anxious feeling something is off and message her saying "I know something is bothering you, we've had conversations in the past and both agreed that if this is the case we would hash it out so we don't hold it against one another. So we can either communicate like adults like we've agreed. Or throw in the towel (figure of speech)."
She ended up replying immediately saying that I immediately went to "throwing in the towel " and how I must not care about her or our relationship. So being what I said she wanted to break up, because screw me.
Me regretting my choice of words tried to backtrack saying that's not what I meant. She said I was right something is bothering her from last night but she didn't want to have this conversation with me being that I'm at work. And hoped I would do the same if she was because she has a gun on her hip.
She said she noticed two things yesterday she didn't like. 1. I talked to much about work. 2. Drinking more than I said I would (this bothered her because of her past of getting a dui). She then said because of those two things she didn't want a relationship anymore with me. Because "That's your personality, and I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to change because of you". I said I'd change because I wanted too. She wouldn't listen. She said she was too mad at me to continue our relationship and that we're done.
Later that day I reached out, she agreed to let this go. But was still being cold and distant, less available. Canceling all of our future plans and having excuses.
So, I reached out again telling her how much I like her and how I absolutely adore and & love her (I've said this in the past and she said she feels the exact same way. Just feels too soon to say it back).
She then says she needs space, isn't ready for a relationship, that someone like me hurt her before. That we're on separate paths right now and she doesn't want me anymore. She ended the conversation saying we'll talk about this at a later date. But she wants time to focus on herself.
The next day I noticed she recorded or FaceTimed my snap story and then unfriended me on snap.
We've been on NC for the last week. I genuinely do want her back. I don't know what I should do, or say. Or if I should at all.. It hurts and sucks. Looking for what you all think of this. What I should of done differently. Thank you for your time!
tdlr relationship ended after a poor choice of words
submitted by ExcitingSand1358 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 06:01 AnnualStress5 AITA for going to my brother's wedding even though he uninvited our mom?

Is it too much to ask that this makes it onto the channel but that my family doesn't realize it's me?
Probably, but here we go.
Who: Mom, Brother, SIL (sister-in-law), Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Dad, and me
When: between 2020 and 2022
Where: the beach and the mountains
What: a wedding
Why: true love ❤️
Our story goes way back to before the wedding in 2022 but after the engagement of Brother and SIL in 2020. It starts in 2021 on a week long vacation to the beach for Mom's 50th birthday. We were staying in a very picturesque condo with 3 separate bedrooms that had direct beach access and the unit was absolutely beautiful with the most amazing views off the patio. On this vacation were 6 people: Mom, Brother, SIL, Aunt, Cousin, and me. We were roomed in pairs: Brother and SIL, Aunt and Cousin, Mom and me. This vacation had been planned months in advance and Mom was so excited she planned out a week of fun activities including a sunset cruise to see dolphins, mini golfing, restaurants, of course beach time, and more.
It was supposed to be a lovely week that was unfortunately marred very quickly by a nasty fight. We arrived late on a Friday and were scheduled to be out by the following Friday. Sunday night after dinner there was a massive argument between SIL and I. I don't even remember all the details now. It culminated when she called me a brat and I called her a b**** and we stormed off to our separate rooms. From here there are 2 versions of the rest of the night.
Mom's Version: While I had a massive panic attack - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Mom went to the bedroom where Brother and SIL were. She tried to talk to them and tell SIL that she was been very mean to me. She implored SIL to apologize to me, but SIL was being stubborn and refused to talk to me. Mom eventually left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
SIL's Version: While I had a massive panic attach - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Mom went to the bedroom where Brother and SIL were. SIL says that Mom started screaming at her and Brother calling them all sorts of nasty names and other terrible things. She even accused SIL of being an abusive person. Meanwhile, Brother was having an epileptic seizure on the bed due to the stress of it all. SIL started crying and having a panic attack of her own as well. Eventually, Mom left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
I believe that there is some truth in both. I think Mom thinks she was talking nicely and that SIL was being a hard a** but she was coming across a lot louder and meaner than she thought. I also think that SIL was being a little stubborn but for good reason. If she had come out to talk to me I think the fight would have escalated further and the place would have burst into a ball of flames.
Regardless, SIL and Brother stayed in their room for the next day and a half. They only came out for food and water and didn't speak to anyone else. Aunt and Cousin tried to stay out of it but were very much in the middle and it put a bad stain on their vacation. Things cooled off by Wednesday (Mom's birthday) and we all got along mostly for the rest of the week. I apologized to SIL and she apologized to me and we've been good since then. Sadly, the same is not true for SIL, Brother, and Mom.
Throughout the following months things continued to deteriorate between Brother, SIL, and Mom. I don't know all of the details of what contributed to the downfall of their relationship. I do know that Mom continued to make wild accusations at them and then backtrack and try to apologize. This cycle continued up until the wedding.
There was one big accusation that Mom made during this time that was the nail in the coffin for her. She accused Brother of marrying SIL only because she was pregnant. What's absolutely crazy about this is that Brother proposed a year and half before the wedding. They also had their location and date reserved over a year before the wedding as well. So this wasn't even close to being a possibility, but it reallyyyyyy set off Brother and SIL.
While Mom initially got a Save the Date for the wedding, she did not receive a wedding invitation when they sent out the actual invitations. She was crushed by this news that everyone else in the family got an invitation and she, the mother of the groom, did not. Mom eventually started to tell those in the family who were going - primarily Aunt, Uncle, Dad, and I - that we shouldn't be going in solidarity with her. She said that we were "choosing sides" and "against her" because we still planned on going.
Here's the thing: Dad was officiating the wedding and Uncle was a groomsman. Also, Aunt and Uncle were supplying their homemade wine for the wedding. This left Aunt and I in a tricky spot where we wanted to support Mom while she was going through a rough time, but didn't want to skip the wedding. After all, why should we forfeit our spots when Mom kept doing things to dig herself a hole.
Are you ready for the cherry on top of this putrid mess of a wedding cake? SIL and Brother did end up inviting Mom to the wedding and sent an invitation. But they did so 2 weeks before the wedding with some stipulations. She had to sit in the back during the ceremony, she wasn't allowed to go to the reception, and her 28 year old boyfriend was not allowed to come. I think there were other things as well, but those are the main ones. This sent Mom into a frenzy where she continued to make more accusations at Brother and SIL for having the restrictions and not trusting her to behave. She also continued to accuse Aunt and I for taking sides after their "disgusting behavior."
I tried to talk Brother and SIL into inviting her and at least allowing her to come to the reception. I promised I wouldn't allow anything to happen and if something did I would take Mom out. All this to no avail.
Mom decided not to go the wedding. Her reason: she already had other plans that she didn't want to cancel. She reserved a cabin in the woods for some "me time" with her boyfriend and our half-sister. Yeah, not sure how that's "me time" but that ain't my business I suppose. *insert Kermit drinking tea*
I understand that she wanted to go to the cabin she had already paid for for a weekend away. I understand that this whole incident was traumatizing for her as well since she was being excluded from her only son's wedding. She still made the decision to not go though even with the conditions to her invitation.
At the end of the day though, it was a beautiful wedding. Everything went smoothly and though Aunt and I missed her quite a bit, we were able to have a wonderful time despite her absence.
I still stand by my choice to go to the wedding because it's not like me not going would stop the whole wedding. Nothing would have changed other than I would have missed out on a fun party and one of the most important events of my brother's life. However, I want to know what you guys think. Should I have gone? Should I have done something more to try to support my mom?
submitted by AnnualStress5 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.
MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.
OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  
Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).
mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?
OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!
-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down
OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

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2024.05.14 05:58 Initial-Cicada-2189 Need help planning a Portugal/Spain trip - first self planned foreign trip!

I’ve purchased a flight from the US into Lisbon, Portugal for July 1, and a flight back to the US from Madrid on the 14th.
I don’t want to spend too much of the trip traveling.
I want to do about 3-4 days in Lisbon and then 3 days in Lagos.
I then want to do a city in Spain, and then Madrid.
I want to end the trip on the Madrid leg, but I am unsure what to do after Lagos. I’m not sure if my planning is logical even so advice is appreciated
I mainly want really good food, wine, beach, and lots of options to fill the day.
Beyond the itinerary, advice on transit between stops, things to ensure I do/eat would be appreciated.
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2024.05.14 05:54 ExcitingSand1358 What should I do 27m and 28f

Hey all, I just wanted some insight of what I should do. About 1 week ago me (27m) and my now ex (28f) broke up. We only dated for a hot minute, 1 month. We were in constant contact daily (she wanted me to keep intouch especially if I was at work). And everyother day we were together in person. We met through work I'm a firefighter, she's in law enforcement. When we were together she'd tell me things that she's said she had either never opened up about. But how easy it was to open up with me. Everything was going great. She liked my no bs about the future. We agreed what both of our intentions were LTR with marriage and kids etc. Like I said, all was going great.
One day she wanted me to meet her best friend (30f). I agreed, we went to the best friends house together. The friend had a kid that kept going around hitting the women (8m) and I stopped him. Basically saying that behavior isn't tolerated and I'm not going to allow it. I then told him to apologize, which he did. All else was going well. By my 3rd drink I said it was going to be my last one. But I seen my gf and her friend opened another bottle of wine so I had another 2 beers. Later in the night my gf told me she wanted to spend the night so she could watch her best friends son soccer game in the am. It's not what I wanted, but thinking all was well I went along with it. We kissed, I left.
After I got home I texted her saying I had a good time and enjoyed her company. I also apologized if she felt like I shouldn't of driven because I drank 2 more beers 5 total in 5 hours than I said I would. She said she had a good time too and enjoyed my company. She ignored the part that I mentioned about alcohol.
Fast forward, next day. I'm at work, she's more cold and distant. It takes her significantly longer to get back to me than normal. And she doesn't want to talk about yesterday. Eventually I get super anxious feeling something is off and message her saying "I know something is bothering you, we've had conversations in the past and both agreed that if this is the case we would hash it out so we don't hold it against one another. So we can either communicate like adults like we've agreed. Or throw in the towel (figure of speech)."
She ended up replying immediately saying that I immediately went to "throwing in the towel " and how I must not care about her or our relationship. So being what I said she wanted to break up, because screw me.
Me regretting my choice of words tried to backtrack saying that's not what I meant. She said I was right something is bothering her from last night but she didn't want to have this conversation with me being that I'm at work. And hoped I would do the same if she was because she has a gun on her hip.
She said she noticed two things yesterday she didn't like. 1. I talked to much about work. 2. Drinking more than I said I would (this bothered her because of her past of getting a dui). She then said because of those two things she didn't want a relationship anymore with me. Because "That's your personality, and I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to change because of you". I said I'd change because I wanted too. She wouldn't listen. She said she was too mad at me to continue our relationship and that we're done.
Later that day I reached out, she agreed to let this go. But was still being cold and distant, less available. Canceling all of our future plans and having excuses.
So, I reached out again telling her how much I like her and how I absolutely adore and & love her (I've said this in the past and she said she feels the exact same way. Just feels too soon to say it back).
She then says she needs space, isn't ready for a relationship, that someone like me hurt her before. That we're on separate paths right now and she doesn't want me anymore. She ended the conversation saying we'll talk about this at a later date. But she wants time to focus on herself.
The next day I noticed she recorded or FaceTimed my snap story and then unfriended me on snap.
We've been on NC for the last week. I genuinely do want her back. I don't know what I should do, or say. Or if I should at all.. It hurts and sucks. Looking for what you all think of this. What I should of done differently. Thank you for your time!
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2024.05.14 05:37 Anxious-Blacksheep Should I leave a 200k/year job to go back to school? Mental health struggles.

Hey everyone,
I'm using a throwaway because my main account is easily identifiable. I know I should seek therapy, but after a bad experience where my therapist shared private information with my narcissistic family, I'm struggling to trust again.
I've always had issues with school. I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school and managed to get by without doing much work. Even though my family paid for me to attend a top high school, I ended up being expelled. College brought even more challenges; I struggled with anxiety and depression, leading to me withdrawing from classes and eventually dropping out with a dismal GPA.
After leaving college, I worked for my family's business but faced criticism from my dad for various reasons, including my sleep issues and video game addiction. Despite putting effort in, I felt undervalued. Over time, I managed to land a decent sales job and increased my income significantly, but I've always felt like I'm just barely getting by and never meeting sales expectations.
Fast forward to now, I'm in a high-paying job but feel like I'm faking it. Honestly I am. My career path up until this point has been paved with last minute lucky jumps to new companies when the walls were closing in on me. My wife, who has a background in diagnosing mental disorders, helped me realize the impact of my family's behavior on my mental health. I've been on SSRI's to manage anxiety but never addressed the underlying issues.
I'm not sure if I should continue down this path or pursue therapy and possibly go back to school. Leaving a 200k/year job feels daunting, but I know I need help. Any advice or insights would be appreciated.
I’m sorry for the vagueness here. I’m terrified my family will see this. I am almost 30 for context.
I wish that I could find a high paying job that uses my skills, whatever those are… I seem to be very good at selling myself to companies. I talk a good talk. The problem is, I can’t back it up with actual sales and the walls start to close in at every company. Each time I’ve been able to talk myself into a better offer at a different company, but my resume is starting to raise questions and this can’t go on forever. I’m very good at building quick relationships with people and basically being the office entertainment. If there were a role that paid over 200k to wine and dine clients and build those personal relationships I’d kill it.
To clarify, I’m very good at the selling/talking part of sales, i’m just really bad/lazy when it comes to the work/paperwork part.
Hopefully this makes some sort of sense. Thank you for reading, I’ll clarify as much as I can in the comments.
submitted by Anxious-Blacksheep to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 05:15 derroc [MEXICAN BOOT REVIEW] Varonte Peter (Captoe service boot) in Burgundy, 6 month review

Album first: https://imgur.com/a/wj9xMdd (I've got no idea why you need to verify your age, I swear it's just boots)
Pics from the manufacturer: Pics
Why Mexican boots? Because I live in Mexico, and they are more affordable and easy to find than other options. Besides, I get to support local business, and that is a big plus for me. Obviously, English is not my first language, so bear with me.
Disclaimer: This review has been completely sponsored by my compulsive shopping. I have not received any free boots or discounts, but if someone wants to give a free pair of boots, my feet are ready.

Brand: Varonte

Varonte is a Mexican brand of shoes/boots with a made to order model. As far as I know, they don't ship outside of Mexico, but you can always ask. One of the advantage of these small brands is that they are really flexible.
These were my first boots and in general my first pair of goodyear welted shoes. I paid around $100 USD for these boots. Most of the shoes/boots they sell go for $100-$130 which is really cheap for a goodyear welted shoe.
Website: https://www.varonte.com/collections/catalogo
Social media: https://www.instagram.com/varonte_shoes/

The good:

These boots are made almost entirely of leather. Leather uppers, leather lining, leather sole with a half rubber sole. There seems to be a foam layer underneath the insole. They were comfortable right out of the box, no break in required. I liked the folded leather edges. The QC seems wonderful for the price point. Overall seems like really good value for the money.

The could-be-better:

The upper's leather seems really thin. I didn't find any information about the leather, but chrome-tanned for sure. There's no gusseted tongue, so It slips to the side. I'm sure that's not an issue with the boot per se, but I wish it had a gusseted tongue to avoid that. They had a hand painted patina that I wasn't a fan of, but I used a burgundy shoe cream and is much less noticeable now. The laces they came with seemed really cheap, I changed them for some waxed flat cotton laces from Amazon.

Would I buy from Varonte again:

Sure, great value for the price and several different models to choose from. If I had to buy from them today, I would contact them to ask for a custom shoe with thicker leather, no hand-painted patina, contrasting-color stitching and gusseted tongue.

The important questions:

Are they better than Thursday? No idea, I don't own a pair of Thursday boots but I will update the post once Thursday sponsors me.
What about sizing?>! These were my first boots, so I kind of screwed up and orderer my sneaker size. They are slightly big for me (maybe half size) but that's my fault. It's a D last for sure.!<
Would you say these boots are perfect for getting black-out drunk while drinking red wine? Yes, I think they would hide a red wine stain perfectly. Just wear them with some burgundy pants, bugundy socks and a burgundy shirt and you're good to go.
submitted by derroc to goodyearwelt [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 05:03 Crazy-Chef4557 End of year trade for leadership

Just listening to Hodgey on SEN saying Ollie Wines could be a good trade target to bring in on-field leadership. He brought up some good points regarding being in a successful enough team, brownlow medal winner so therefore understands the standards needed etc. Could be especially good if LDU is on his way out (I hope not, but cant blame him if he is).
Been racking my brain in trying to think of other players we could try to entice with large, long contracts.
Luke Parker seems to be on the outskirts at Sydney. Bontempelli would be the absolute best case, but I highly doubt he would even consider moving to a good team let alone us, but maaaaaybe with the inside turmoil that is apparently happening, we could ask the question. Then of course KPD and leadership bundles would be great. I think also the key is to get the balance of age and leadership correct. Pendles is in his last year or two so I'm not sure he's the right fit, for instance.
Who would be the top of your list and do you think the trade could be a reality?
submitted by Crazy-Chef4557 to NorthMelbourneFC [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 05:02 Squirrl_master Sleeper restaurants?

Looking for good restaurant recs for our 13 year anniversary. Hoping for something obscure that likely wouldnt land on Eaterpdx etc.
cost isnt an issue. Must have a good wine/cocktail menu. Oh, and our 6 year old is coming too
submitted by Squirrl_master to askportland [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 04:59 Defiant_Fennel 10 reasons why Jesus and Moses can't be a Muslims

Moses and Jesus are seen as Prophets in Islam. They both worship the One true God, Allah ( The God ) and they preach Islam, and do miracles with the permission of Allah. Muslims will then say if you look into the bible then you will see references pointing out that this is the fragments of Islamic text like Jesus bowing to the father or Moses worshiping One God and saying your Lord is One.
But this is generally a dishonest tactic because what the Muslims do is they rely on question begging that somehow our bible originally subscribe to their ideas of what a Biblical Prophets should be. They know the bible is "corrupted", they admit they reject the bible but at the same time they will references verses of the bible while knowing our bible is corrupted and say that you will find Muhammad in the bible or "Look, this is similar to worshipping Allah".
I'm here to disprove this claim and convince y'all none of the biblical Prophets have belief similar or 1 to 1 with Islam. Therefore, none of them preach Islam and the idea of Islamic Jesus of Moses are just question begging fallacies or an appealment to a mysterious Islamic dead see scrolls.
  1. Moses worship and professes to a God eternally named Yahweh (Exodus 3:15) (Shirk)
  2. Moses practice Sabbath, a Holy day which is a day that God rests (Exodus 16:23; 20:8) (Blasphemy, God can't rest in Islam, especially celebrating a holiday where God rested is blasphemy)
  3. Moses allowed the beatings of Slave near death with a club (Exodus 21:20) ( This is Haram, Islam forbids the mistreatment of slavery, if a slaves is mistreated then the slaves must be manumitted)
  4. Moses allowed the Stoning of Children who dishonor their parents (Exodus 21:17) ( Honor killing is haram in Islam)
  5. Moses call for the destruction of the gentiles and their sacred objects (Exodus 23:24) (This is a violation of the Sharia, Muslims can't kill people unless they are combatants, Muslims also can't destroy their object of worship)
  6. Moses forbids those to make treaties to Gentiles in their lands, in future expansions and forbid any gentiles to live in their land ( Exodus 23:31-33) (Exodus 34:12-16) (This is also a violation, Sharia allows Dhimmis to have treaties, practice their religion, and live in Muslim lands)
  7. Moses commands the Jews to offer burnt offerings, spices and incense to God in his holy sanctuary, this is because God lives in them (Exodus 25: 1-9) (Blasphemy, offerings are haram because its superstition, also in Islam God can't be residing in creation)
  8. Moses commanded the Israelites to mold 2 angels on top of the Ark of Covenant (Exodus 25: 19-22) (This is Haram, Islam is iconoclastic and making living images is a sin)
  9. Moses instruct those that whoever desecrates the Sabbath shall be put to death, and anyone who works during Sabbath, shall be cut from the Community (Exodus 31: 12-17) (Again, Blasphemy)
  10. Moses ordained all Religious objects, Priestly garments and praying sites with Gold (Exodus 36-40) (Gold is haram in Islam)
  11. Turning water into wine John 2:11 (Alcohol is prohibited)
  12. Jesus spare the adulterer John 8:1-11 (Adultery is to be put to death)
  13. Jesus baptized Matthew 3:13-16 (Jesus baptized, Muhammad doesn't teach that)
  14. Jesus say marrying to divorcees is akin to adultery Matthew 5-32:33 (Islam encourages men to marry divorced women)
  15. Jesus numerous times calling God, "The Father" (Shirk by associating to him to creature)
  16. Jesus is the way, truth and life John 14:6 (Shirk, No sane prophet would say this) ( remember Mansur Al-Hallaj Ana 'l-Haqq)
  17. Jesus forgives Sin Matthew 9:1-8(Shirk, only God does that)
  18. Jesus grant Peter the ability to bind and loose laws Matthew 16: 17-20 (Shirk, When did Muhammad says O'Uthman I will grant you Keys to Jannah so you can bind laws to heaven and earth)
  19. Jesus profess that he is "The Lord" Matthew 12:8 (Again, Shirk)
  20. Jesus say Before Abraham was, I Am John 8:48-59 ( Ultra Shirk, Professing divinity and Omnipresence)
Some of you may object and say well Muslims deny our books but at the same time believe in the idea of 2 completely different persons of the bible. But then again its a contradiction because they ultimately don't know the biblical Prophets and they don't know their own books. The word Injil is Arabic word for Evangelion which mean gospels or good news. Now how can that be? Muslims believe Jesus spread the Gospel only for the Jews. But the original Gospels were Aramaic so how did it become a Greek translated scripture in the first place
submitted by Defiant_Fennel to CritiqueIslam [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 04:57 Substantial_Bunch191 Need Help Deciding on a Honeymoon Destination for May 2025

Hi everyone!
My fiance and I get married May 2025. Originally, it seemed we had decided on Bali. However, after doing deeper research, we realized the travel time to get there will be pretty long (around 23 hours from Los Angeles). We are looking for a new destination, and I honestly feel a bit jaded and demotivated because I mentally committed to Bali. However, I'm coming here now to get some recommendations. Maybe some of your good experiences can bring me out of this slump!
*What we are looking for*: we would like to stay somewhere with beautiful beaches. Additionally, we are both really avid hikers, and would love to catch a few good hikes, so a place with beach *and* mountain/jungle would be perfect. Bonus points if there is someplace with a hotspring resort on a volcano (we perviously visited a volcano hotspring resort in costa rica and absolutely loved it). Note, the volcano thing is not a deal breaker. Also bonus points if the country has excellent food.
*Things that we are not looking for*: neither of us drink, so we don't really care for the party atmosphere or nightlife. We also don't want to visit a place that is unsafe and makes it so we can never leave the resort (for example: certain parts of mexico). Also, we want to avoid countries we already visited: costa rica, mexico, thailand, veitnam, cambodia.
*Budget*: we would like to keep it under $7,000 for approximately 10 nights. This budget does not include flights, as we are both using airline points to buy our tickets. What we really liked about the idea of Bali was the bang for buck value on hotels. I know we probably won't find anything that inexpensive closer to LA, but anywhere with lower prices would be ideal.
*Distance*: We would be flying from Los Angeles, so we would prefer to go somewhere closer than SE Asia. We are thinking a maximum of 12 hours flying time, but definitely the less the better.
Thank you all for your time, help and recommendations!
submitted by Substantial_Bunch191 to honeymoonplanning [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 04:43 AquariusRising1983 Jenson's Guest Turn on Tracker

Did anyone else have the time of their life watching for all of the Supernatural Easter eggs during the recent episode of Tracker Jenson guest started on?
Since I have started watching Tracker I have felt that Colter Shaw gives extreme Dean Winchester vibes. I joked with my mom that I would love to see an episode where Colter runs into Sam & Dean and they have to solve a missing persons case together (and the boys have to break the truth to Colter that the supernatural is real, lol— hey, a girl can dream!). So you can imagine how geeked I was to hear Jenson would be guest starting as Colter's brother Russell. Amazing casting, in my opinion. Not only do they kind of look alike, but their mannerisms are spot on.
Now I've just finished watching the episode and I am geeking out hard! Russell driving Baby?! You could've heard my squeal 100 miles away! The way he patted the car before leaving in Colter's truck was pure Dean. Everytime he said "son of a bitch" I felt giddy. There were so many one off lines about their dad or how things were growing up that could've been pulled directly from Supernatural. His dream is opening a brewery/restaurant?! Russell basically is Dean, as far as I'm concerned— certainly the closest we can get since Supernatural has ended. And, for anyone interested, let me just say that Jenson is looking hotter than ever! The man is aging like fine wine.
Now I hear that Jenson as Russell is confirmed a recurring character in season 2! I love it! I was already really enjoying Tracker, but adding Jenson Ackles is giving me complete heart eyes! 😍😍
For any of you all that haven't checked out Tracker yet, it's a really good show, something similar but different from the standard police procedural/private detective shows. In my opinion it has a kind of Supernatural vibe, with Colter moving around the country and finding missing people, helping out people in trouble who can't go to the cops, or who the system has failed. It's basically Supernatural without the paranormal. As I said, I was really enjoying it even before Jenson showed up. His appearance is just the icing on an awesome cake!
submitted by AquariusRising1983 to Supernatural [link] [comments]


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