Australia Spouse Visa Requirements from India
Wishing to be with your spouse in Australia but worrying about how to deal with the labyrinth of visa requirements can be daunting, especially when it comes to something as significant as moving to a new country to be with your spouse. Understanding the complexities of the Spouse Visa requirements is most important. From proving that you have a genuine relationship of your relationship to meeting financial thresholds, each step demands careful attention.
What are the eligibility criteria for a Spouse Visa?
Mentioned below are some of the requirements that will make your case stronger for Australia Spouse Visa:
1. Genuine Relationship
The main document for obtaining an Australian Spouse Visa is a genuine and long-term relationship. Joint financial obligations, shared housing arrangements, social interactions, and supporting documentation are all necessary forms of proof of the partnership. This is an essential condition for obtaining an Australian spouse visa.
2. Length of Relationship
If you are in a de-facto relationship then it is necessary that you and your partner must have lived together for at least a year. You share a permanent residence with your de facto partner and have evidence to support your claim.
3. Financial
For the length of your stay in Australia, you must show that you can support yourself and any family members you may have listed on your application. Providing proof of income or savings may be necessary for this. It is among the crucial prerequisites for obtaining an Australian spouse visa.
Sponsor must have a minimum 4000 AUD salary to bear all the expenses of their spouse or they can also show their bank statement having 30,000 AUD.
4. Health
The health standards for you and any family members you list on your application must be met. This could entail a medical assessment.
5. Character
Both you and any family members you list on your application need to be of a certain character. This might require a certificate of police clearance.
6. Age
You must be at least 18 years old.
7. Family Planning You and your spouse must hold the best interest of the child and must plan on extending the family in future.
It’s important to keep in mind that the requirements for an Australian spouse visa might be complicated, and specific situations may call for the application of additional requirements. To make sure you meet all of the requirements for an Australian spouse visa, it is advised that you obtain professional assistance on how to apply for a spouse visa from India.
The person Sponsoring his or her spouse:

• Must be over the age of 18.
• The sponsor must not be in another relationship at the same time.
• A sponsor should be financially stable to sponsor his or her spouse.
• Sponsor must either be a Citizen or PR of Australia, or a PR holder or citizen of New Zealand.
• The sponsor needs to provide documents to accommodate the Australia Spouse Visa such as the rent agreement, and utilities.

To get more information regarding the Australia Spouse Visa you can visit https://www.aptechvisa.com/spouse-visa-australia. You can contact our Australia Immigration consultants at 9131059075; 9289289006

I apologize in advance for my English, I'm not a native speaker.
I'm so so so soooo happy to finally have this done! My surgery was this morning at 8:30am, now it's ~2pm, I'm back at the hotel, chilling, watching Desperate Housewives and eating yoghurt!
So the "short" story time: I'm a female 28y.o. from Lithuania and wanted to get sterilized for a looong time, but unfortunately it's illegal here. Thanks to this reddit I got a recommendation for a doctor in Germany by a fellow redditor. I've sent a letter to the clinic about half a year ago in November I think, and the doctor (Hans-Wilhelm Coenen) contacted me personally, we had a consultation by phone in English, he was very understanding and friendly, no bingos. Agreed operation for 15th of May. So me and mt boyfriend planned everything, got the tickets, hotel and the time was finally here! I was very anxious, because I've never had surgery before and I do not speak German. But everything went sooooo smoothly.

• We flew to Germany on 12th of May, and the next day we went to the clinic to get examination and blood tests done. Everyone was very friendly and it was quick. I met the doctor, we had in person consultation, got all the info how to prepare for the surgery and what to expect.
• Today on 15th of May I was at the hospital at around 7:45am, my anxiety was sky rocketing like crazy, but the nurses were also very very friendly and caring. They showed me and my boyfriend to the pre-op room, I changed into hospital gown, and we chilled for a little bit. Then at about 8:20am the anesthesiologist came, asked all the necessary questions, we exchanged some jokes, and the nurse but the needle in my arm. Then I had to walk to the surgery room, they put me on this operation bed and started the IV. Oh boy was it interesting. I started feeling loopy and felt citrus flavor in my mouth, and poof I'm waking up in the post op room with my boyfriend by my side and the nurses. Was feeling soooooo sleepy.
• After about half an hour I started feeling more concious, they gave me cookies and watetea. Was feeling unexpectedly well. Had the urge to pee and It was no problem, no burning. Also my throat was not sore at all. They gave me ibuprofen and paracetamol through IV. Was shivering a bit.
• The doctor himself came to check on me, asked how I'm feeling, he also informed me that he found endometriosis, but I should get it removed or treated later if it gets bad.I don't know, never felt anything.
• Then after an hour we were let to leave the hospital, the nurse wheeled me outside to wait for Uber, it was very fun!

So now I'm back at the hotel, ate a bananna, yoghurt, feeling a bit dizzy, but thankfully not nauseous. Gas pain is not that bad just uncomfortable. I have energy and want to do stuff haha.
I cannot believe that it's all over, I'm sooo happy!
If you have any questions feel free to ask!

Long story short. I (24 M) have/was seeing this guy (25 M) for a year now who I met off of Grindr. At one point we were hanging out with each other every week, met each other families, planned to live together in the future, said we loved each other, the whole nine yards. I felt like we were building towards a relationship however he never wanted to be exclusive until he started his nursing program for school and gave me hope that he would be open to a committed relationship once he started school so he wanted me to wait for him.
He also imposed the boundary that we could not have sex with other people, which was fine. Unfortunately, within the last couple months I feel like he has become distant and neglectful in our relationship as I always felt like I was the one trying to see him, calling him more then he call me, planned our dates etc and i generally felt like he was taking me for granted and feeling unappreciated. An example was that I am in Grad school and asked him to plan something to celebrate since I finished my first year of school and he only gave me the excuse that he "Wasn't in the celebration mood." Of why he couldn't do it.
Anyway, I brought these feelings up to him, and he always expressed that he would treat me better and put in more effort. However, I feel like he never did it consistently, and I was tired of bringing my feelings up as I was tired of him not even doing the bare minimum. Anyway, the last time we saw each other, we got drunk cried and got into an argument where I suggested we break up due to these feelings. He didn't want to break up and wanted to keep going, giving me hope again, and I agreed to stay if he was able to remain consistent. (He expressed my emotions also ruined the day for him.)
Fast forward to last Friday he finally got accepted into his nursing program for school, and I wanted to celebrate with him since I knew he was off this weekend. I texted him around 4 when he got off to make plans to see him, and he was beating around the bush in confirming my plans, and then he stopped texting all together. I figured he went to sleep because he was tired from work. Well, around 9, I go on grindr because I was bored and saw his profile in my city saying that he was 2 miles away from me. (We live 30 minutes away from each other in 2 different cities, so why are you in my city at night?)
So i screenshot his profile, texted him, and called him on why he has a profile in my city around 9. He ignored my phone call and did not text me back until 12 that night asking me why I am on Grindr anyway (The difference being is that I always been transparent that I was on the app looking to make gay friends since I have none in my city. Plus, I ALWAYS told him when I was in his city. So why was he being sneaky? As he told me, he deleted his account)
He said he was "Riding around with a friend" and that I'm acting like he was fucking when he was just looking on the app. Truthfully I didn't care because it was the principle of it that you went all afternoon not texting me and couldn't even confirm plans with me yet you're riding around with some random that you never even talked about before. If i didn't even catch him on Grindr then i know he wouldn't have told me he was in my city and that's why i had to end it. Like what else have you been doing that I don't know about?
Anyway, after I broke up with him, I unadded him from social media, and he blocked my number and tik tok. I thought about texting him from my friend snapchat or text now to reconcile but idk if I should. I feel like he played me and I hate how a year of my life with someone who i thought was my best friend went to us being blocked. I so badly wished he gave me a rational explanation of why he was on the app as I do care for him, but caring about someone shouldn't lead to me being hurt.

Smartg4control is a leading automation company providing hotel room and hotel guest room automation services. Out patient Clinic Management System, Nurse Call system, Outpatient clinic system, Hotel MUR DND GRMS, Intelliggent Building Lighting Control, Lighting and Dimming Panel, Mood Lighting and Dimming system, Smart Hospital SystemsSmartg4control is a leading automation company providing hotel room and hotel guest room automation services. Out patient Clinic Management System, Nurse Call system, Outpatient clinic system, Hotel MUR DND GRMS, Intelliggent Building Lighting Control, Lighting and Dimming Panel, Mood Lighting and Dimming system, Smart Hospital Systems, control systems, Building Managment System BMS. https://www.smartg4control.com/

Definition and Purpose

BMS is a centralized control system that integrates with various building subsystems to provide real-time monitoring, automated control, and data analysis. Its primary purpose is to create a comfortable, safe, and energy-efficient environment for patients, staff, and visitors while minimizing operational costs and environmental impact.

Key Features of BMS

• Real-time Monitoring: BMS continuously monitors the performance of building systems and equipment, providing insights into energy consumption, temperature levels, and equipment status.
• Automated Control: BMS automates routine tasks such as adjusting thermostat settings, turning lights on/off, and regulating airflow based on predefined parameters and occupancy patterns.
• Data Analytics: BMS collects and analyzes data from sensors and devices to identify trends, detect anomalies, and optimize system performance through predictive maintenance and proactive interventions.
• Integration Capabilities: BMS integrates seamlessly with other Smart hospital systems, such as EHR and security systems, to enable data sharing, interoperability, and centralized management.

Lighting and Dimming PanelMood Lighting and Dimming systemSmart Hospital Systemscontrol systemsBuilding Managment System BMS

Benefits of Implementing BMS in Hospitals

The implementation of BMS offers a wide range of benefits to hospitals, stakeholders, and patients alike.

Efficiency and Cost Savings

By optimizing energy usage, automating routine tasks, and identifying opportunities for improvement, BMS helps hospitals reduce operational costs, lower utility bills, and minimize waste.

Enhanced Patient Experience

A comfortable, well-maintained environment is essential for patient satisfaction and healing. BMS ensures optimal conditions by regulating temperature, humidity, and lighting levels, thereby enhancing the overall patient experience.

Improved Facility Management

BMS provides facilities managers with valuable insights and tools to proactively manage building systems, prioritize maintenance tasks, and respond promptly to issues, minimizing downtime and disruptions.

Challenges in Implementing BMS

While the benefits of BMS are clear, implementing such a system in a hospital setting comes with its own set of challenges.

Initial Costs and Investments

The upfront costs associated with installing and configuring a BMS can be significant, requiring hospitals to allocate resources and budget accordingly. However, the long-term savings and benefits often outweigh the initial investment.

Data Security Concerns

With the increasing connectivity of building systems and devices, ensuring the security and integrity of data becomes a top priority. Hospitals must implement robust cybersecurity measures to protect sensitive information and prevent unauthorized access.

Training and Adoption Issues

Successfully implementing BMS requires buy-in from all stakeholders and effective training programs to ensure staff members understand how to use the system effectively. Resistance to change and lack of training can hinder adoption and limit the system's effectiveness.

Case Studies of Hospitals Using BMS

To illustrate the real-world impact of BMS, let's explore some case studies of hospitals that have successfully implemented and benefited from this technology.

Real-world Examples

• Hospital A: By implementing a BMS, Hospital A was able to reduce energy consumption by 20%, resulting in significant cost savings and environmental benefits.
• Hospital B: BMS helped Hospital B improve patient comfort and safety by monitoring air quality, controlling temperature, and detecting equipment failures in real-time.

Success Stories and Lessons Learned

Through these case studies, hospitals have learned valuable lessons about the importance of strategic planning, stakeholder engagement, and ongoing maintenance in maximizing the benefits of BMS.

Future Trends in Smart Hospital Systems

As technology continues to evolve, so too will smart hospital systems and the role of BMS within them.

Advancements in Technology

Emerging technologies such as artificial intelligence, machine learning, and advanced sensors will further enhance the capabilities of BMS, enabling predictive analytics, autonomous operations, and personalized experiences for patients.

Predictions for the Future of BMS

In the future, BMS will become even more integral to hospital operations, acting as the central nervous system that orchestrates and optimizes all aspects of the healthcare environment, from patient care to facility management.

Conclusion

In conclusion, smart hospital systems, powered by technologies such as the Building Management System (BMS), are revolutionizing the healthcare industry by improving efficiency, enhancing patient experiences, and optimizing resource utilization. While challenges exist, the benefits of implementing BMS far outweigh the costs, making it a valuable investment for hospitals seeking to thrive in the digital age., control systems, Building Managment System BMS. https://www.smartg4control.com/

Definition and Purpose

BMS is a centralized control system that integrates with various building subsystems to provide real-time monitoring, automated control, and data analysis. Its primary purpose is to create a comfortable, safe, and energy-efficient environment for patients, staff, and visitors while minimizing operational costs and environmental impact.

Key Features of BMS

• Real-time Monitoring: BMS continuously monitors the performance of building systems and equipment, providing insights into energy consumption, temperature levels, and equipment status.
• Automated Control: BMS automates routine tasks such as adjusting thermostat settings, turning lights on/off, and regulating airflow based on predefined parameters and occupancy patterns.
• Data Analytics: BMS collects and analyzes data from sensors and devices to identify trends, detect anomalies, and optimize system performance through predictive maintenance and proactive interventions.
• Integration Capabilities: BMS integrates seamlessly with other Smart hospital systems, such as EHR and security systems, to enable data sharing, interoperability, and centralized management.

Lighting and Dimming Panel

I've been with my boyfriend for a little under a year now. I know it seems very short and like nothing, but we were long time friends before and I was planning my whole future around him. We started as fwb and I probably wasn't ready for a full term committed relationship when we got into one, but yeah.
I left my previous bf because of my non-straight and non-monogamous feelings PLUS me liking him (current ending relationship). I feel sick. This man is truly husband material. He's everything I wanted and more. My mom loves him, he goes out of his way for me, cooks, caring, kind, strong, nurse, S-tier husband material, etc., but he's very traditionally monogamous. In the beginning, he said he was open to going to like bdsm clubs and sharing me, but recently it's been 100% no now. I've never explored with more than 1 person before and I thought that I could go with just him since I loved him so much. But these thoughts keep coming up between us and our conflicting views of love keep hurting us. It's a week before his birthday and 2 weeks before we dont see each other for a whole month due to family vacations. We talked about this on video call and he doesn't want physical contact with me.
He's my best friend, I don't know what I'd do without him. I saw a perfect life with him. My mom (most important) and ENTIRE rest of (hard to please, Asian) family absolutely adore him, he works hard and loves hard. He was there for me for my previous break ups. Hes bought me so much stuff and taken me so many places. I'm basically his only friend too. I dont want to hurt him. He's going through so much. My parents are already openly homophobic, what would they think of me breaking up with seemingly the perfect guy. I can't come clean that I'm queer.
None of this seems real. I want to postpone it but he doesn't. He said down the line we could be friends but I'm just so scared. I keep thinking that if I wasn't like this then this wouldn't be happening. I feel like i could be monogamous in the future. I hate that i am this way but at the same time i love when others are their true selves. My world is crumbling around me.
TLDR: my bf and I are in the process of breaking up bcuz of my polyamorous feelings and I'm hating myself because of it, and so scared for the future. Plus it's his bday soon

Heart transplant is a surgery that removes the diseased heart from a person and replaces a healthy heart. It is taken from a healthy organ donor. A heart transplant is the best treatment choice for heart failure. It is a last resort treatment for people who have end-stage heart failure or severe coronary disease. It means the heart has eternal damage or weakness that keeps it from pumping enough blood to your body. Heart transplants are more difficult than other organ transplant surgeries. A heart transplant is a deceased organ donation process. When the person is technically dead, brain dead but the organs are still functioning then it is acceptable for organ donation. After taking a transplant there is some medical care for any complications. There are many reasons for heart failure as such: heart defects present at birth, heart attack, high blood pressure, irregular heartbeats, enlarged or thick and stiff heart muscle, alcoholism, anemia, etc. The main two types of heart transplantation surgery are Heterotopic and Orthotopic Heart Transplant.
Heart Transplant Cost in India
In India heart transplant costs generally depend on organ recovery and transport charges. It is based on many different factors like city, hospitals, surgeons, doner and patients overall health. It is also based on pre-transplant evaluation and post-transplant recovery period. The average cost of a heart transplant starts from INR 9Lks up to 20Lks (10,000 USD-23,000USD).
Best Heart Transplant Hospitals in India
Most of the hospitals that provide heart transplants in India give the best quality of health care to the patient with the help of experienced nursing staff & latest medical technology. These hospitals provide many facilities like ultra-modern infrastructure, lab tests & diagnostics, emergency and trauma care, patient support & medical care as required for the treatment plan. Some of the hospitals are:
Sir Ganga Ram Hospital (Delhi)
PSG Hospitals (Coimbatore)
Fortis Escorts Heart Institute & Research Centre (Gurgaon)
Max Super Speciality Saket (Delhi)
Sri Ramchandra Medical College & Research Institute (Chennai)
Kovia Medical Centre & Private LTD (Chennai)
Top Heart Transplant Surgeons in India
Heart transplantation has a high success rate in India. People live long lives after receiving their new heart. Many well-known doctors can successfully replace hurt with their years of expertise and high knowledge. They all are the best cardiovascular surgeons. Some of the names are:
Dr. Naresh Trehan (Chairman&Managing Director-Cardiologist)
Dr. Devi Prasad Shetty (Chairman&Founder of Narayana, Cardio-Oncologist)
Dr. Yugal K Mishra (Cardio-Vascular, Robotic Surgery)
Dr. Rajnesh Malhotra (Director, Cardio-Vascular&Throacic Surgeon)
Dr. Naresh Trehan (Chairman& MD, Cardio-Vascular Seergeon)
Dr. Ganeshakrishnan Lyer (Cardiothoracic &Vascular Surgeon)
Al AfiyaMedi Tour is a leading medical tourism company in India. We offer medical tourism services such as finding the right doctor, the right hospital, and cost estimation for medical treatment in India for foreign patients. Some of the main countries are Bangladesh, South Africa, Egypt, Uganda, Zambia, Sudan, Dubai, Namibia, Iraq, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, and so on. We provide free medical assistance for TURP surgery cost, lung cancer treatment, cosmetic andplastic surgery, heart surgery, kidney transplant, spine tumor surgery, cancer treatment cost, lung transplant, liver transplant cost, top knee replacement surgeons top shoulder replacement surgeons, shoulder replacement surgery cost, hip replacement surgery, best bone marrow hospital, etc.
Source: https://alafiyameditour1.blogspot.com/2024/05/heart-transplant-in-india-for-foreigners.html

During a student’s academic journey, unplanned events may happen that require them to miss class. People with kids need to know how to ask for school leave, whether for an emergency, a family emergency, or a planned vacation. You can request to miss school in writing by filling out an application for leave in school. People typically apply to leave school for various reasons, such as to go on a long trip, get medical care, or go to an event. Remember that applications for school leave need to be made politely and professionally. The application for leave in school should be brief and indicate the cause for the absence, how long it will last, and when the student will return. The application for leave will be talked about briefly in this article.

Reason for Leave application

For private reasons

A student may need to take time off if they have to deal with a family problem or another personal matter. For medical reasons if a child is sick or hurt and needs to be cared for or rest, they may have to miss school. Parents have to provide an application for leave in school for fever.

Because of religion

A student might miss class to attend a church event or celebrate a holiday. Because they need to learn, students may miss class to finish an internship, go on a study abroad course, or go to a conference.

Outside of school

Students may miss a few school days because of an event or action outside of school.They should provide an application for leave in school for going out of station.

Types of Leave

Medical, personal, emergency, and holiday leave are the most common types of leave that schools give. Knowing the differences between the types is essential because each may have different needs and ways of applying them.

How Applications Are Made?

Applications for leave in school are made through routes set up by schools. As part of it, you might have to use a website, fill out a form, or write an official letter. Parents and children should learn about the school’s recommended application process to ensure they follow it.

Very Important Papers

Application for leave in school may mean that schools must ask for supporting documents. Medical leave sometimes needs a note or proof from a doctor. You may need the same kind of proof of trip plans for vacation time. Gather the necessary paperwork and send it in with the leave request.

Time of absence

Most of the time, schools ask parents to let them know before they take their child out of the building. Then, the school management can do the right thing and ensure the child’s education is interrupted less often. Parents should request time off from school as soon as possible, in line with the school’s stance on advance notice. Parents should provide an application for leave in school for 1 day in advance.

Amount of time away

When it comes to schools, there may be rules about how much time you can miss for different reasons. There may be limits on vacation time, but people who are sick may be able to take medical leave for as long as they need it. Parents and children should know these time limits so they don’t get mixed up. The school management takes requests for time off when they are sent in. Anyone on the staff, like the director, school counsellor, or someone else, can review this. Parents and kids should be patient and wait for proof of clearance before moving forward.

Communication Tools

Schools usually set up specific ways for parents to talk to their administrators about requests for time off. One way to do this is to go online, email a pre-addressed address, or call the school office. When parents and kids use the official ways to get in touch, they can ensure their needs are heard and met. Parents and kids who want to take time off should check in with the school to ensure they got the application for leave in school and see what’s going on. They should quickly provide additional paperwork or details to speed up the process. The open conversation keeps approvals from being late.

Other Places of Education

To make sure that a student’s education continues while they are abroad, schools could offer other ways to learn. This could mean making study guides, giving homework, or teaching online. Asking about these plans might help lessen the adverse effects of leave on a child’s schoolwork. It must be turned in before the leave of absence starts and is usually sent to the school’s department head or director.

Go back to School Rules and How to Do Things

Schools could have set up specific rules to help kids return to the classroom after taking a break. This could include going to teacher meetings, making up missed work, or finishing tests. Parents who want to ensure their child returns to the regular schedule should call the school. For legal and administrative reasons, schools keep much information on students present and absent. To avoid problems, parents and children must carefully record requests for time off and keep an eye on their child’s attendance.

Review and Thoughts

Parents and kids can stay current on any changes or improvements by reviewing the school’s leave policies and procedures. Giving the school administration comments on their experiences with asking for time off can also help ensure that things keep improving.

Conclusion

Parents and kids need to know the school’s rules about requesting time off to talk about their needs and ensure the kids have a smooth educational experience. Parents and kids can handle the process confidently and keep their child’s schooling as regular as possible if they know the types of leaves, the necessary paperwork, and the permission processes. Parents and schools must work together, plan, and talk to each other so that application for leave in school requests are adequately treated and students can keep up with their work.

FAQs

How do I request school leave?
To request school leave, write to your principal or other school administration.
How early should I request leave?
Leave should be requested as early as possible to allow the school to make arrangements. The timeline depends on school policy and the cause of the leave. In a medical emergency, you may need to apply for leave sooner.
What is the use of leave applications in school?
A leave application is a written request to take time off school, college, or employment for a certain period.

Hi Reddit, so I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible while still giving you all the facts. Let us start from the beginning, my at the time 21 y.o. step-brother, was going through his first big break up. Instead of confiding in others or taking time to understand his emotions he instead picked up a book about the stages of love. Let me also explain that my brother has never been the smartest guy and mainly gets by on his good looks and charm in his life. Anyway this book gave the usual “love requires fighting to work it shows that you care about the other” you know stuff everyone already knows. I’m guessing because it came from a book ,or because it was plainly saying what he was too naive to understand about what he was feeling, he became infatuated with every line. Anytime I would have relationship problems he would quote the self help books he had read since and recommend me ones to read. This went on for while but eventually I finished nursing school and moved out of my family’s house (which is my mother’s house, this is important for later) to start working.
Now fast forward to four years later. I’m living on my own with my the love of my life, working the night shift in the hospital like I’ve always wanted. On my way home on night I called my mom to catch up on my drive home. We started talking and eventually I asked about my step-brother. She explained that he was still living at home and had no plans on getting a job or moving out (for context my brother graduated with a master’s degree a year ago). I found that odd and asked what he is doing now. My mom explained that he just makes music and does podcasts with his friends. He apparently says he wants to be an entrepreneur. Which is fine everyone wants to make it big doing what they love doing however. My mother also explained that he constantly invites people she doesn’t know to her house to hangout and when she gets off of work she comes home to strangers that expect her to cook for them. My mother then started tearing up saying “I don’t feel like it’s my house anymore”. That’s when I got upset. I asked her why doesn’t she kick him out or at least start asking for rent so he has to get a job. She explained that she wanted to do that but my step father wouldn’t allow it. My mother and step father have a wonderful marriage and never fight, but because my stepbrother is his son he has attachment to him. My mom recently had to kick her daughter (my blood related sister) into the camper as well since my step sister (19 y.o.) lets her boyfriend stay on weekends in what used to be the girls room. My mother keeps explaining that all of these situations are putting stress on their marriage and by kicking out her daughter she feels like she betrayed her just so my stepfather’s kids can get their way in her house.
After this phone call I was livid so I called my step brother to confront him. After asking the normal “hi how are you” I asked if he has started looking for a job and he said “why would I?”. I responded “so you can work and move out”. Then he said “im in my 20s this is the time you are supposed to chase your dreams” he then pointed out that I always wanted to be a YouTuber or streamer and I should go for it. I then said you know I have a job now and I have to give that job a lot of my time in order to afford the life I live. He basically laughed and explained that there is always enough time. Not much important was said after that.
Now fast forward a few weeks later I see posts from his Instagram talking about how “social media is poison, take back your life, put down your phone, etc.” (Crazy to post that on social media btw). I have also come across his podcast which are just him and his friend who both have the combined IQ of a beheaded chicken explain that the universe is big and has like billions of stars and stuff. 0.0 his entire personality now is saying basic facts at the surface level and then acting like it’s deep as fuck. Furthermore the constant insistence on following your passion mixed with the complete ineptitude of being able to comprehend how smug and pretentious he is during any interaction has breed some real distain from anyone who can see through his act.
All of these posts about self help combined with the complete ignorance of how his actions putting a negative effect on our family has really put a barrier between us. I really don’t think I can take it anymore and I want to either try to explain that he has become a pretentious douche who only keeps around yes men who all think a fact for 5th graders they learn at the zoo makes them better than everyone else, but I honestly think he will just say I don’t understand or maybe I should read this book about stress. I’ve went over the situation with friends of mine and they all laugh when they see his posts and hear him talk now. For God sake he held his 25th birthday party recently and said for everyone to bring a book to exchange knowledge to one another and wear business casual.
I just want my mom to feel like the home she worked tirelessly as a single mother all those years to afford for our family is hers. I have always been so close to my brother and I want him back as a friend. I want my sister to be able to live in the house she was raised in instead of in a camper.
Well that’s everything as of now left out a lot of stories about him being directly wrong about facts he tells us or times he got called out and embarrassed about shit but I think I’ll just leave it here. I plan on confronting him soon I just don’t know what to say. Thank you for your time.

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

Isn’t Lamictal also suppose to be an anti-depressant? I’m currently on 200mg and plan to discuss with my doctor it needs to be increased because I’m still cycling with bad depression.
My psychiatrist (actually a nurse practitioner) discussed the Lamictal caps the mania and lifts the depression some. She very conservatively introduced Wellbutrin and Adderall back into the concoction which is what I was previously prescribed before the bp2 diagnosis. However, she was extra careful adding these in as too high of a dose with one of those can induce mania.
My therapist told me lamictal also helps with depression and she doesn’t understand why I should be prescribed two things if I can just take a higher dose of Lamictal. Especially if there’s a chance the Wellbutrin can cause mania yet also still not be prescribed the high enough amount. She is planning to speak with my psychiatrist about it.
I did find it weird that I’m on both. Why would I be prescribed both? Anyone else out there in the same boat?

I was diagnosed stage 3 NSC Lung cancer almost four years ago (36 yo male). Family situation was/is My dad lives here in Ohio and so does my brother (34) . My sister (38) lives in Chicago. My mom lives in Florida it comes up here for the summers. I was always close with my family and coworkers before I was diagnosed. I had that overwhelming wave of support you get when everyone you know finds out your cancer. It was all phone calls, texts, and emails for the most part. My diagnosis wasn’t the best as the cancer had spread to my adrenal gland and lymph nodes. My dad really stepped up and he was my rock. I’m lucky I had him during that time. He drove me to chemo the first couple of treatments and sat in on the dr appointments as a second ear. I was going to be doing 5 rounds of chemo every three weeks and immunotherapy for 12. The chemo killed the tumor so they cut out the upper lobe of my right lung. Immunotherapy wasn’t great but I got through it.
I was incredibly happy that I survived it all and got back to work. However some things really bothered me such as my mom never came back home during my chemo. She came home for my lobectomy in November 2020 and visited me in the hospital and held my hand like I was her baby boy again when they removed all the breathing , catheters, and drainage tubes. When I got home I noticed phone calls and texts weren’t coming in. It also bothered me that my sister never came to see me and she’s about four hours away but not four days. My brother was in town and only came once during the year of treatment.
Another thing that bothered me is none of my coworkers would call or text during my time off. I really worried when I got a letter from my employer of ten years that I was terminated. It was a really tough time and I was on so much medication and my whole routine was sitting on the couch and watching YouTube. I slowly descended into a very dark place and became scared of going in public places because I thought people were staring at me because I looked so sickly and dying. My bank account was getting down to nothing and I asked for my old position back and luckily they hired me again. It was excruciatingly difficult physically and emotionally to sell cars that hot summer of 2021. I had heat stroke three months of being back and thought I was done. I was really sick and weak. I was miserable with so many things. When I did see my family I’m sure that attitude wore off and I soon was getting comments that I was too negative.
My kids mom hates me and was in cancer research and sent me this factoid sheet from the American Cancer Association that said my five year survival odds were 3%. She said I was wasting my time I had left. She fueled my fire to live just to prove her wrong but at this point my kid wanted me to die because he thought he’d get lots of life insurance money. Then I had to take custody unexpectedly of that same kid who wanted nothing to do with me. I was barely selling enough cars to keep my job and now had to take care of and raise a 13 year old with angst. That’s when my family truly disappeared and I think it’s because they’re worried my cancer would cone back then they’d have to care for my kid.
Fast forward to now and my son is reunited with his mom. His and my relationship has never been better after getting to spend 16 months living together. My health is I’m still alive obviously but my lungs are getting much weaker and my volume is shrinking and i also originally diagnosed late stage copd and have to take steroids to help me breathe. So my health is back on the downslope and my family is completely gone. My dad never calls or talks to me, and neither do my brother or sister. I see my mom once every couple of months when she’s home from Florida . We’ll go to Cracker Barrel and she’ll give me this half disgusted look and I get about 45 minutes of her time
I’m just sad that they’re gone but realized they’re kind of not the best family so I might be better. I truly believe they were looking at my custody and health situation as a hot potato so they all ran for the hills. Now with my breathing is getting more and more along with seizures it’s difficult and it’s real I’m going to die young and possibly soon. it’s really effecting my memory and stamina. I get confused and need naps. Its sometimes an insurmountable task for me to go greet a customer on the lot and begin the five hour process of selling a car and getting dirty looks from customers because I look like shit because well Ive been through some stuff. My sales are failing and they want me gone. I need health insurance and what little money I do make to support my son. Im worried all this financial, parental, and physical stress is going to bring back my cancer just because im stressed and just feel hopeless. I think of how I’ll die from COPD and how horrifying it seems to die that way. With my family gone and my coworkers wanting me gone I know it will be alone or at a state hospital with some hospice nurse I have no clue is. I don’t look for your pity but I’d like any advice you might have to how I can find solace in this lonely isolated place I’m trapped in. I’m angry at my family but I love them.I feel like I was supposed to die and even though I didn’t die then physically I died to them mentally. Maybe it’s too tough to watch someone you love struggle and know you’ll have to do it again
The only thing besides spending time with my son that really makes me happy is painting. During all of this I somehow found out I love to paint and since a June 2022 I’ve painted a couple of hundred paintings. Painting gives me hope.

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8. Underestimating Processing Times: Patience is Key (continued)
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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Thank you for reading my post!
I'm thinking about doing a 2-week nanny gig in a few weeks.
The responsibilities are: - caring a 2-year-old for 11 hours

• prepping lunch and cooking dinner
  
• picking up from school and dropping off from the activities for 3 kids (using my car)
  
• lighthouse keeping (didn't specify but I'm guessing loading/unloading the dishwasher, etc??)
  
• working 11 hours for 9 days
  

I never had this kind of gig before (4 kids and 11-hour shifts). So I'm pretty nervous but would like to know if I'm capable of this kind of intensity as I'm planning to work as a nurse in the future.
Could someone guide me on how much you would charge the family in this situation? I would really appreciate any insights! (reimburse gas, contracts, rate per hour, liabilities, etc.)
Thank you again!!

Sorry for the long read, skip to last paragraph if TLTR. I guess this is more a rhetorical rant, but could just use someone to listen and breakup advice.
My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) just broke up after 6 years. We have been best friends since day 1 and have been proud that our relationship has been based off of a very strong bond built on support, patience, the same humor with an uncountable amount of inside jokes, and at the risk of sounding cringingly corny… pure love and respect. When I met him, I just knew he was it. He was kind, funny, dorky, and gave me butterflies long after the honeymoon phase. When we first moved in together people said “careful, moving can put stress on a relationship.” Not a single fight. We crushed it in one day. He had to move a heavy couch in knee deep snow and didn’t complain once. Our first roadtrip people said “careful, roadtrips can cause tension.” Again, not a single hiccup. Best 2 weeks of our life that we planned to a T and not a single negative thing happened - except too much sun causing some uncomfortable burns and some snippiness that didn’t escalate. Gentle aloe massages and a nap in the AC’d hotel room fixed it. We met early 20s so did a lot of growing together, even a little bit where we grew apart, but pushed through the other side stronger… or so I thought. This past year I started working at a new job and going to school for Nursing. Then his mom died very unexpectedly and honestly horribly. We stayed supportive of each other, went to individual therapy, we kept working. I knew he was holding it together too well and I told him “you’ll be fine until you won’t be.” After she died he barely got any time off work and I could see it wearing on him, but I still feel like everything I was doing for him and taking care of stuff at home and focusing on my own stuff just wasn’t enough. We were fine for the 2 months after his mom passed. Then 2 weeks ago we had a small argument that blew the fuck up. I don’t snap when I’m mad, I shut down until I can calm down, process what I’m feeling and properly articulate it. He said so much stuff he couldn’t take back. He told me that I needed therapy when I’ve been consistently going (he went to 2 sessions then quit), I’m properly medicated, I eat properly, I exercise, I’ve made an effort with friends, I’m working towards my goals… and he hasn’t made any effort with anything which I never blamed him for because HIS MOTHER DIED. Point being I’ve done what I could to better myself. And I knew he was struggling so I did what I could to let him grieve on his own time. But he just decided to treat me like his door mat. He told me he hasn’t been happy with me for a year (first time hearing about this even though I’d try and ask him what I could do to better support him or do to better our relationship or be a better partner for him and he’d always say nothing I’m good). He said he loves me but isn’t IN love with me anymore. He has done this in the past where I feel like we are good then suddenly he hates me or isn’t happy with me and what not. But I just can’t do this anymore. If he doesn’t want to communicate or work through it after 6 years together, then there is nothing I can do.
What is wrong with me though? I don’t know what I could have done any differently. Why am I not good enough? Why wasn’t the 6 wonderful years together not deemed enough to work through stuff, to be open and tell me “hey it bugs when you do this”. To communicate. I’m at a loss. I’m crushed. And I just want to be alone. But I can already tell this is going to suck for a long time and probably affect how I’ll be in future relationships. How the fuck do I get over this? I genuinely thought he was the one.
Thanks if you actually took the time to read all of that. Even more if you reply.

TL;DR - I’m 24w pregnant and at my breaking point with my current job. Have a new job already but it won’t pay me for 2 months. My family thinks I’m stupid bc I want to quit right now. Would It be a bad decision?
First of all Ty for reading. I’m at a huge dilemma right now that is causing me extreme stress.
I (19F) am 24 weeks pregnant and a FTM. My fiancé (21M) and I have been together for 4 years, we own a house together, have decent paying jobs and have been living together for almost a year, about to be married in July, so we are pretty put together for our age. We also have everything in order for our son, if he was born tomorrow (which I obviously don’t hope for!) he’d have everything he could ever need for his first few months of life, including crib, car seat, clothes, diapers etc. I have been very excited for this pregnancy and also wanted to prove myself as a young mom so I made sure of this before I even hit trimester 3, plus with so many big events coming up, we had an early baby shower with a diaper raffle and everything.
So my problem is I’m working full time as a CNA to help with my half of the bills, and I absolutely HATE my job. Not only is the job itself grueling, but as I get farther along in my pregnancy it has become exhausting and every day is a mental battle. My job consists of constant bending over, lifting 300+ lb residents either in bed or into chairs, sitting on my knees (well really my butt bc of circulation issues) and being on my feet majority of the day. I could put up with it easier if I had any inclination of help throughout the day. Healthcare facilities are usually understaffed, but my building recently had a walk-out of literally 20 staff members, most of them CNAs, and it leaves the rest of us short handed pretty much every day. I have had several instances of asking nurses and MACs for help and they outright refuse or come up with stupid excuses why it’s not their job. Just yesterday I reported a nurse for walking out of the room when I pretty much TOLD her to help me because I couldn’t do cares on a specific individual myself, she walked out because I was “arguing” with her. I had a huge screaming match with my managers a couple of weeks ago basically threatening to sue them if they kept putting me on this one unit, which I am almost guaranteed to take on 20 patients by myself when I work there. They are so short staffed that they can’t even afford to fire me. My paychecks have been inconsistent for months starting back when they cut all of my hours, now half of the employees left they are constantly asking me to pick up extra shifts. I constantly say no because I can barely make myself go work my regular scheduled shifts. My paychecks continue to be inconsistent because of the amount of times I’ve called in. I just have stopped caring and the only reason I haven’t walked out yet is because I want to be responsible and I know I won’t get fired for missing work anyway.
I am BEYOND over it. I have been wanting to quit for weeks, but struggled to find another job that suited my wants and needs, as I DID NOT want to be a CNA anymore so I told myself I wouldn’t quit until I had something good lined up. It’s difficult to get hired while pregnant because most employers see it as a loss due to maternity leave and pay. The thing is, I actually did find another job and have already been hired and technically making money, I just won’t get paid until after I get my license which will take bout 2 months. It’s 100% commission based but the company has trades in the NYSE and I can make really good money there if I can get clients. I am ready to throw myself and my focus into this new career, and I’ve been looking for any excuse to leave my current job, I really don’t care if I’m not getting paid atm.
I talked to my fiancé, my parents, and my bsf about this and they all pretty much told me I’m stupid for thinking I can quit my current job right now. My fiancé is actually the most supportive out of all of them but he is scared about our finances and worries about how he’s going to pay the bills on his own. Mind you, he has $5000 in personal savings and our shared account that we put money in for our bills is about two months ahead of our monthly expenses, so it’s not like we don’t have ANY money at all. I definitely don’t want to drain our savings in the meantime, but with this new career I could potentially make more than I am currently making, meaning I could soon put way more into savings than I ever was since we moved in. My parents think I should wait until after the wedding to quit my job so I know I’ll have money for the expenses, however, we already paid for majority of the venue costs and they agreed to help us with the rest of the expenses like food, my dress etc (I am NOT getting an expensive dress, it’ll be $300 at most.) they act like I will be constantly asking them for money, which I haven’t done once since living on my own, or that I won’t be able take care of myself. My plans were to get my last paycheck from my current job and put it all towards our bills. We are also expecting one last rent payment from our roommates who are in the process of moving out. At worst we will only need to take a bit out of savings and I can’t allow myself any frivolous spending until I start making money again.
I just feel trapped and like nobody close to me understands what I’m going through. I cried for like an hour last night just thinking about having to go back to work, I just have no idea how I can keep this up for another two months. My self confidence in my ability to prosper in this new job is also deflated due to my family’s reaction. Pregnancy hormones aren’t helping … I thought I’d ask y’all bc ik my family is just worried about my financial security and doesn’t want anything bad to happen. I just want to message HR tonight and never go back.
BTW my current job doesn’t offer paid maternity leave so there’s no reason to wait for that.
Any thoughts?

I’m a 30 yr old EMT in Seattle, I have around 2 years of EMS experience in Seattle (OD’s, stabbing, shootings, MVC’s) . I’ve been applying for LE and getting disqualified recently. I’ve noticed a trend and I’m wondering if it’s nationwide or just this area. PD’s around Seattle that claim they are understaffed are still pretty picky with applicants. I’ve applied with Seattle PD and many surrounding depts, all DQ’ed.
Background on me: I experimented with harder drugs in college 2012-2016 (coke, LSD, shrooms, adderall, whippets), smoked pot a lot, drank underage, partied hard but still went to class and got my BA. One buzzed driving incident in 2017 from a bar close to my house. (4 strong beers in the span of 2 hrs then drove a mile home, whoops)
Quite a few jobs but clean work history my entire twenties except for a fire academy that asked me to resign in 2023, and a previous EMS company that I was fired from in 2022. In the fire academy I liked to ask the instructors a lot of questions and I think I annoyed some of them unintentionally and they saw it as disrespectful, my physical performance and skill retention was great. The EMS company did only interfacility transfers of people, nursing home to hospital, no 911, I refused a call with 5 minutes left of shift because I had very important plans after work, that got me fired, this company would exploit employees end of shift times constantly. I wouldn’t have refused the call if I was doing 911 obviously. But since I was doing interfacility transfers the patients were never in an emergent situation, they just needed a taxi ride basically.
During my oral board interviews I’m completely transparent that I’m not a perfect Boy Scout type applicant with my drug use and work history, and they seem to have appreciated that. But the depts I’ve gone to backgrounds with I will get a disqualification letter after they screen my background. Should I keep applying and hope to find a dept that is willing to hear my job explanations or take a break from applying?
I find it very strange a department like Seattle PD is that picky with applicants when they are in a staffing crisis. Thanks guys.
Update: thanks for all the replies! If you could keep the rude and snarky comments to yourself that would be nice, I came here for feedback not to be torn a new asshole. I had a BI from a dept I applied at recently tell me today, it’s my recent negative work history that’s concerning, they don’t care about the drugs or intoxicated driving that much cause it was so long ago. I’ll get more time at my current employer and reapply. That’s what she told me.

Hey Everyone,
I currently work for a large government contractor and hold a TS/SCI clearance. I'm interested in starting my own LLC as a side business to act as a broker or middleman for small business set-aside federal contracts (under $250k), focusing on services like lawn care, laundry, HVAC, and plumbing.
Here's my plan:
Create the LLC: Choose a name, register it, and get an EIN.
Obtain a DUNS number and register with SAM.gov: To be eligible for federal contracts.
Identify contracts on SAM.gov to find small business set-aside contracts.
Manage subcontractors: Ensure they perform well over the multi-year contract periods.
At this stage, I'm not planning to pursue any contracts that my current employer might be bidding on, at least to my knowledge. However, I realize there might be potential conflicts of interest and legal considerations involved.
My Questions:
Conflict of Interest and Legalities: Are there any specific conflict-of-interest issues or legal considerations I should be aware of, given my current employment and clearance?
I plan to consult with HR about any NDAs or non-compete agreements (I can't find any if I signed them) and, depending on their response, I might see an attorney who specializes in government contracting. Any advice on this process?

I planned on visiting her at the nursing home this Thursday. My grandma is 84 and has 3 types of cancer and had a heart attack the other day. Her brain cancer is making her forget things already but she did ask for me.
Only my sister knows I’m pregnant. I’m 16 weeks along, and I thought about giving her a baby onzie that said game day with grandma because growing up my little brother was in baseball, she took care of us and we went to all the games together.
I ran the idea by my sister and she said not to because she doesn’t want to make my grandma feel left out or like she is missing out, she said it would give her false hope.
My grandma and I don’t have the best relationship and we haven’t talked since 2021, because I moved to a different state.
I told my sister it wasn’t from a point of unkindness.
I don’t know. Is it unkind? Is it better left unsaid?

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