Valve lash adjustment 16hp briggs & stratten
Blue Moon... Reawakened?
2024.05.14 08:34 milimji Blue Moon... Reawakened?
Good evening nerds, after perusing last week’s thread about synergies with Jace Reawakened, I wanted to try to start a more in-depth discussion of the archetype that I think might best leverage his abilities: Blue Moon. While the most obvious place for Jace is slotting into the Mystmin-style Dimir Lurrus control shell (and that’s probably just stronger overall regardless of synergy), I think there are some clear benefits to going in another direction, namely: 3MV sorcery-speed value spells to leverage the plot ability, more situational spells to leverage the loot ability, and snap/bolt to leverage the ult.
Before we get too far in, I should note that I don’t have a meaningful match history to show off here. Results have been mediocre as I’ve tweaked toward this current iteration, and I haven’t tested exhaustively enough to thoroughly map out all the matchups. With that being said, it’s a fairly fun deck to play, and I think it might have enough general quality to be somewhat competitive with a refined list and play. With the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get into the deck:
Jace + plot targets:
submitted by milimji to TimelessMagic [link] [comments]
Before we get too far in, I should note that I don’t have a meaningful match history to show off here. Results have been mediocre as I’ve tweaked toward this current iteration, and I haven’t tested exhaustively enough to thoroughly map out all the matchups. With that being said, it’s a fairly fun deck to play, and I think it might have enough general quality to be somewhat competitive with a refined list and play. With the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get into the deck:
Jace + plot targets:
- 2-3x [[Jace Reawakened]] - this is the real development in tech for this deck, and it synergizes very well with the rest of the cards that you already want to be playing
- 2-3x [[Blood Moon]] - The namesake of the deck. Fairly strong against domain, which seems decently represented in the meta. Plotting this on turn 4 is pretty late to fully cripple your opponent, but restricting them to one spell per turn is still useful when holding up interaction.
- 3-4x [[Fae of Wishes]] - Obviously a spicy inclusion, but it’s just such a juicy plot target it’s hard to pass up. Also a good blocker in a pinch, and it turns on Flame of Anor. More discussion on wishboard options to follow.
- 2-3x [[Fable of the Mirror-Breaker]] - Fable is everything you want in a generic plot target: great value for cost, not reliant on instant speed (unlike Archmage’s Charm), excellent with snapcaster, treasures can occasionally let you Blood Moon on otherwise sketchy lands
- 2-4x [[Flame of Anor]] - similar to Fable, this hits the spot as a plot target: plays well at instant speed but isn’t reliant on it, gives you great value to recover from a slow start, and synergizes with both of your creatures
- 4x [[Lightning Bolt]] - Generically great removal, and can occasionally close out the game with a Jace ult. Would prefer to run more if possible
- 4x [[Mana Drain]] - No question, best counter in the format. Your plot targets (and Lorien) tend to make great mana sinks for this as well.
- 2-4x [[Spell Pierce]] - Obviously seeing quite a bit of play in such a fast format. Your favorite card against SnT, Natural Order, Minsc, and the like.
- 2-3x [[Stifle]] - Another spicy inclusion. This spell probably isn’t good enough for the format in general, however it does play uniquely well with Blood Moon. First of all, it supports attacking your opponent’s mana base, and stone-raining an early fetch can make an otherwise middling Blood Moon excellent. Once Blood Moon is on the battlefield, Stifle helps defend it against outs like Boseiju, Otawara, or Leyline Binding.
- 1-2 [[Stern Scolding]] - Bowmasters bad, ergo scolding good. Also incidentally hits many non-bowmasters.
- 2-4x [[Snapcaster Mage]] - Fairly slow card for such a fast format, but that is somewhat mitigated by biasing toward 1MV interaction. Works great with Fable and Flame of Anor.
- 3-4x [[Brainstorm]] - On the upside, find what you need when you need it. On the downside… bowmasters. Probably worthwhile, but I could see trimming here depending on the meta.
- 2-3x [[Lorien Revealed]] - Like a tapped fetch, but more resilient to Blood Moon and synergizes well with snap and mana drain
- ~20 lands - Fairly standard mix of fetches & island duals, heavy on islands to support the Blood Moon. Probably worth running an [[Otawara]] and a [[Mystic Sanctuary]], possibly worth mixing in an additional sanctuary and/or [[Hall of the Storm Giants]] depending on how much you want to tempt fate.
- Tier 1 wish targets - [[Roiling Vortex]], [[Pithing Needle]], [[Surgical Extraction]], [[Unlicensed Hearse]] - nothing too surprising here
- Tier 2 wish targets - [[Test of Talents]], [[Gaea’s Blessing]], [[Tormod’s Crypt]], [[Brotherhood’s End]], additional Blood Moon - additional support for common scenarios, or options for rarer scenarios. Note that you can put Blessing into your deck with Brainstorm when needed
- Generic advantage cards - this is where the wishboard has felt fairly disappointing to be honest. You really want something disgusting like a Valki to close things out, but I’m just not seeing it. I think [[Narset, Parter of Veils]] may be the best option to push a game from even to ahead, but it’s a bit situational and lackluster. [[Search for Azcanta]] is another cheap option, but very slow. [[Chandra, Torch of Defiance]] is a classic for this slot, but it seems to play poorly with the blue pips and instant speeds among the rest of the deck. It could also be that an additional fable is the best option.
- Normal sideboard cards - [[Molten Impact]] and [[Aether Gust]] as general interaction, probably some additional copies of wish targets for depending on the metagame
- Other generic control spells - Archmage’s Charm is fairly bad while plotted and very risky with Blood Moon. Counterspell might be good enough as hard counter #5. Expressive Iteration is great value, but I’m not sure it outcompetes the other value cards already included. Dig Through Time might be worthwhile as a 1-of.
- Delirium package - most blue moon decks I’ve seen have been running this, but I feel like it may just take up too much room for what you get. You don’t get the most out of DRC like a more graveyard-focused or aggressive deck would, bauble is a no-go with vortex (and you don’t have a Lurrus to recur it), and heat can largely be replaced by flame of anor.
- [[Tishana’s Tidebinder]] - This is probably the best fit that I don’t already have locked for the main deck. It’s a wizard, it supports the stifle/moon plan, and it’s great with a fable that sticks. The biggest downside is that it’s expensive, and it doesn’t interact particularly well with Jace, but it might be good enough regardless.
- [[Vendilion Clique]] - Another flash threat option similar to Tidebinder. V clique is also a wizard, it plots better than tidebinder does, and it’s fantastic with Narset if you can get there, but on the downside it doesn’t work with fable.
- [[Fury]] - coming soon, this seems like it will slot in very nicely. Helps keep the board free of bowmasters, and it works rather nicely with fable, either early game as pitch fodder or late game with reflection.
- [[Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer]] - a classic rage inducer when paired with a turn 2 Blood Moon, but honestly doesn’t seem to have a great place in the meta. Decent against SnT, but it seems like every other meta deck has T1 removal, blockers, or both. You also don’t really have enough other must-remove threats to make it backbreaking in the lategame, nor play few enough creatures to expect zero removal in post-sideboard games.
- 3rd color splash - Jund can get away with it with Jegantha, both as limitation on pip requirements and as a safety valve when color screwed. Jund this ain’t, with several 2x blue pip spells and only fable treasures to bail you out. With that being said, there are some interesting options if you’re feeling bold.
- In Temur, you have great midrange cards like Jarsyl (incidentally a wizard) and Oko (wishable). You also have Veil as interaction, and several options to shore up your enchantment removal. Going more exotic, reclamation exists, and [[bramble familiar]] gets a steep discount with Jace.
- Jeskai also has some potential. [[Deputy of Detention]] and [[Reflector Mage]] are both wizards as well as excellent reflection targets. T3f is a solid wish option, and you have veto/swords/fragment if you want additional interaction options.
2024.05.14 03:47 CheckUrCrawlspaces Growing up, my mother forbade me from ever talking about my little brother outside the house. 50 years later, they're both dead, and I'm ready to talk
The garage door shut with a groan behind us, closing us in the gloom of the single bulb hanging over the car.
Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.
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Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.
2024.05.14 03:10 BikingExpert Guide to Essential Mountain Biking Accessories Beyond the Bike Itself
You've got your sweet mountain bike all set up and ready to hit the trails. But before you go shredding those epic singletrack loops, there are a few key accessories you'll want to have on hand. Proper gear can make the difference between a fun ride and a total bummer of a day. So let's dive into the must-have items to round out your mountain biking kit.
There are plenty more optional accessories out there from trail tools to frame bags to spare gear and more. But those key items should cover your bases and ensure you're prepped for whatever the mountain throws your way. Stay safe, have fun, and get out there!
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Hydration Pack
Staying hydrated is crucial when you're putting in long hours on the trails. A hydration pack is a backpack designed specifically for mountain bikers and hikers. It has a built-in reservoir that holds water and a drinking tube so you can sip on the go. Most packs hold around 2-3 liters of water, which should get you through a solid 2-3 hour ride. The pack itself has room for snacks, an extra layer, and other gear. CamelBak is one of the biggest names in hydration packs.Multi-Tool
Unless you want to get stranded trailside with a broken chain or stuck seat post, you'll need a good multi-tool. These compact tools have all the essentials like allen wrenches, screwdrivers, and sometimes even a chain tool. Throw it in your pack and you'll be able to handle basic trailside repairs and adjustments. Brands like Topeak, Crank Brothers, and Park Tool make great options.Pump
Flats happen to everyone eventually. You'll want to make sure you have either a frame-mounted pump or a pump that fits in your pack. CO2 inflators are another solid option if you want to skip the elbow grease. Quality pumps from companies like Lezyne, Topeak, and Blackburn should get you rolling again without too much of a struggle.Spare Tube
Having that fresh tube is only half the battle though - you'll also need to pack a spare tube along with tire levers to swap it out when you get that dreaded hiss. Ensure you have the right size and width for your tires. Some riders also stash a spare tubeless valve stem in case theirs gets damaged or gummed up.Multi-Tool & Tire Plug Kit
For a much quicker flat fix, pick up a plug kit that lets you jam a sticky reusable plug into the hole and get back riding lickety-split. The plugs work decently for smaller punctures in the tread area until you can get a more permanent repair.First Aid Kit
Mountain biking's not exactly a dangerous sport, but you're still cruising over rough terrain at high speeds. It's smart to have a basic first aid kit with bandages, antiseptic wipes, etc in case you take a spill and need to patch yourself up. Pre-assembled kits from brands like Adventure Medical Kits are a convenient solution.Protection
Speaking of crashes - elbow and knee pads can be smart armor additions if you tend to push it a little too hard on the gnarly stuff. You can even find trail-certified helmets with extra coverage around the back of the head.Snacks
Don't underestimate how much energy you'll burn shredding the gnar for hours on end. Trail snacks are essential to stay fueled and powered up. Energy bars, gels, chews, nuts, and jerky are all great compact options to stuff in your pack.Lights
If your rides tend to stretch into the evening hours, having a good lighting system is pretty key for seeing the trail and being visible to others. Most riders opt for a headlamp and a handlebar-mounted light. Just be sure to pack spare batteries!There are plenty more optional accessories out there from trail tools to frame bags to spare gear and more. But those key items should cover your bases and ensure you're prepped for whatever the mountain throws your way. Stay safe, have fun, and get out there!
2024.05.13 21:40 DAudiA47 Paid off 2010 Audi A4 2.0 Oil Leak Repair vs Financing a new car
Hey you guys, I could really use some advice. I've had my 2010 Audi for about 7 years now and I just paid it off last year. Unfortunately I got the common oil leak issue and had ton deal with a shitty mechanic a few months ago who apparently only temporarily fixed the issue. Now im faced with a $7,000 bill to basically rebuild the engine and replace my turbo as well. Im thinking long-term this would be a great investment to just keep maintaining the car and to avoid financing a new one which in the end would cost me more. I really love this car, its my first Audi, and it's been good to me overall. Should I continue to invest in her or get rid of her? Below is the breakdown of the bill 🥲 :
3 - Engine Oil TECH: J Sioch
Note: Severe oil leaks from several areas, including rear vacuum pump assembly front upper and lower timing covers oil filter housing and turbo assembly. codes
range from system lean, multiple misfires, and under boost conditions. smoke testing engine reveals severe leaks from multiple spots including rear main seal,
timing covers, oil filter housing, oil pan. coolant leak from rear heater hose assembly as well. turbo charger has play on waste gate assembly. there is also no boost
felt and when using scan tool, demanded psi is not reached. technician suspects failure between turbo and wastegate. best options for this vehicle is to remove
engine to perform full reseal and turbo replacement, then rerun for possible fuel smells.
Labor:
Remove & Replace Long Block. Consists of a Cylinder Block fitted with Pistons, Rings,
Connecting Rods, Crankshaft and all Bearings, Cylinder Head(s), Camshaft(s), Timing Chain or
Belt and Sprockets or Gears.
Includes (where applicable): Clean and transfer Fuel and Electrical Assemblies, Engine Mounts,
Manifolds, Valve Cover(s), Oil Pan, Oil Pump, Timing Cover(s), Water Pump, Clutch and Flywheel.
Adjust Valves.
22.38 hrs $2,887.02
walnut blast intake valves 1.00 hrs $149.00
Parts: Engine Timing Cover 1 $156.95
Engine Crankshaft Seal Kit 1 $126.46
Engine Crankshaft Seal Kit 1 $46.54
Engine Intake Manifold Gasket 1 $63.85
Vacuum Pump 1 $403.30
Engine Oil Filter Adapter Gasket 1 $29.17
Engine Oil Pan Gasket Set 1 $45.54
Engine Oil Pressure Switch 1 $40.86
, Aluminum Engine Water Pump 1 $427.73
Borg Warner, OE Replacement - 100% New, Upgraded Design Turbocharger 1 $1,737.99
Mahle Turbocharger Mounting Gasket Set 1 $116.14
Fuel Injector Seal Kit 3 $116.73
Engine Crankcase Vent Valve 1 $349.00
Fuel Injector Seal Kit 1 $44.00
Vacuum Pump Gasket 1 $41.62
, Molded HVAC Heater Hose 1 $200.00
APPROVE or DECLINE Subtotal $6,981.90 + est. Tax $453.82 $7,435.72
submitted by DAudiA47 to Audi [link] [comments]
3 - Engine Oil TECH: J Sioch
Note: Severe oil leaks from several areas, including rear vacuum pump assembly front upper and lower timing covers oil filter housing and turbo assembly. codes
range from system lean, multiple misfires, and under boost conditions. smoke testing engine reveals severe leaks from multiple spots including rear main seal,
timing covers, oil filter housing, oil pan. coolant leak from rear heater hose assembly as well. turbo charger has play on waste gate assembly. there is also no boost
felt and when using scan tool, demanded psi is not reached. technician suspects failure between turbo and wastegate. best options for this vehicle is to remove
engine to perform full reseal and turbo replacement, then rerun for possible fuel smells.
Labor:
Remove & Replace Long Block. Consists of a Cylinder Block fitted with Pistons, Rings,
Connecting Rods, Crankshaft and all Bearings, Cylinder Head(s), Camshaft(s), Timing Chain or
Belt and Sprockets or Gears.
Includes (where applicable): Clean and transfer Fuel and Electrical Assemblies, Engine Mounts,
Manifolds, Valve Cover(s), Oil Pan, Oil Pump, Timing Cover(s), Water Pump, Clutch and Flywheel.
Adjust Valves.
22.38 hrs $2,887.02
walnut blast intake valves 1.00 hrs $149.00
Parts: Engine Timing Cover 1 $156.95
Engine Crankshaft Seal Kit 1 $126.46
Engine Crankshaft Seal Kit 1 $46.54
Engine Intake Manifold Gasket 1 $63.85
Vacuum Pump 1 $403.30
Engine Oil Filter Adapter Gasket 1 $29.17
Engine Oil Pan Gasket Set 1 $45.54
Engine Oil Pressure Switch 1 $40.86
, Aluminum Engine Water Pump 1 $427.73
Borg Warner, OE Replacement - 100% New, Upgraded Design Turbocharger 1 $1,737.99
Mahle Turbocharger Mounting Gasket Set 1 $116.14
Fuel Injector Seal Kit 3 $116.73
Engine Crankcase Vent Valve 1 $349.00
Fuel Injector Seal Kit 1 $44.00
Vacuum Pump Gasket 1 $41.62
, Molded HVAC Heater Hose 1 $200.00
APPROVE or DECLINE Subtotal $6,981.90 + est. Tax $453.82 $7,435.72
2024.05.13 14:59 Azthun 1994 Civic Sedan RPMs drop after revving engine at idle
1.6 dohc engine with almost 200k kil.5 speed. If I'm at a red light and rev the engine to move forward and depress the clutch immediately or depress the clutch coming to a stop or just sitting in neutral and rev the engine, the RPMs dip from 900 to 100 then recover before stalling.
I've changed the timing belt, cam seal, adjusted the valve lashes, changed the water pump, oil, spark plugs, all filters, and done a scan that showed everything is running within range, and I also did a compression test that showed all was well.
How should I go about finding the issue? TPS? Something else?
submitted by Azthun to MechanicAdvice [link] [comments]
I've changed the timing belt, cam seal, adjusted the valve lashes, changed the water pump, oil, spark plugs, all filters, and done a scan that showed everything is running within range, and I also did a compression test that showed all was well.
How should I go about finding the issue? TPS? Something else?
2024.05.12 20:01 Own-Park5939 Recognize this part off of a RZT VT?
 | This fell off my cub rzt today. I thought I knew this mower back and front by I do not recognize this part at all.. submitted by Own-Park5939 to lawnmowers [link] [comments] |
2024.05.12 19:26 Cosmicquintet Buying used Element with recently rebuilt transmission?
I've been thinking about getting an Element for a little while. I found one that is reasonably priced given it's a seller's market. I'm not mechanically inclined and want to avoid ending up with major repairs along with a car payment.
The seller listed work recently done.. It has 145,000 miles and is a 2009 Element SC for $9442.
Is this anything to be concerned about?
Recent services include: -air bag recall completed -valve adjustment -front & rear end links -rebuilt transmission -spark plugs -VTEC solenoid -Variable Valve Timing solenoid -transmission mount
Thanks for your help!
submitted by Cosmicquintet to HondaElement [link] [comments]
The seller listed work recently done.. It has 145,000 miles and is a 2009 Element SC for $9442.
Is this anything to be concerned about?
Recent services include: -air bag recall completed -valve adjustment -front & rear end links -rebuilt transmission -spark plugs -VTEC solenoid -Variable Valve Timing solenoid -transmission mount
Thanks for your help!
2024.05.12 12:53 hayesy17 Passed with no faults so sharing my notes
Hi team, I found this sub really useful when preparing for my test. After my lessons I'd make a note of anything I did wrong to stop me repeating mistakes. I read over these in the days leading up to my test so they'd stick in my mind. Sharing below, I know not everyone will find learning in this way helpful, but hopefully they're useful to someone!
I really thought I'd failed about midway through, but remembered someone on this sub said you need to concentrate on what's next on the test and not think about what's already happened. As I didn't get any faults that shows how easy it is to get in your own head and worry!
All the Show Me/ Tell Me notes are specific to the Fiesta I did the test in so just edit them to your / your instructors car.
The end is on the tricky parts of the Bromley test route, my instructor highlighted them as where people slip up and fail so I wrote down how to handle them.
I found the test route walkthrough on https://www.youtube.com/@DrivingSchoolTV really helpful, especially where he says you're doing the test because you are a safe driver and you just need to show that, which was really good for pre-test nerves.
Notes
Don’t chase an amber light
Check all 6 spots (including blind spot) before moving off or doing manoeuvres
During manoeuvres always look around and be nosy!
Watch speed when there’s an open road - especially when entering new road
Don't worry about getting up to speed in a built up area - go slow
Look around looking for indicators – especially on buses
Keep checking mirrors
Hill Start – Check over right shoulder, then all mirrors, then right shoulder again. Indicate right. Get biting point with clutch, then add accelerator. Take off handbrake and move away.
When turning off a road slow up to almost a stop before turning, if there's a car coming wait, better to do it slow than rush the turn
Look back in the mirror every time you use the brake
Make sure when stopping in a traffic jam to not cover any exits on the left
6 point check before moving off every time
On test the examiner will be looking for you to check blind spots every time
Crossing at crossroads, if going straight over you have right of way ahead of someone turning right onto it across you
Junctions with a million things going on, keep concentrating on your lane and the lights
In a 30 zone get into 3rd as quickly as you go from 1st to 2nd
If you're behind a bus, leave a lot of room in case they stop and you have to go round
Moving down a gear - brake to the speed you want and then select the gear.
On instructors car:
How to open the bonnet
Bay parking - on test you will have to do either reverse or forward, you get to pick if you want left or right
Reverse - left - go third line from target Bay in line with passenger handle. Adjust mirror so it's looking down. Slowly on clutch, go full lock down to the left and ease round into the space. Go a little further round before straightening wheel. Driver is just in back half of space (make sure the front isn't peaking out)
Front - right - line 2 spaces away in line with bottom of windscreen. Slowly on clutch, go full lock down to the right and ease round into the space. Straighten wheel
If you're going in between two cars and it's tight on the far corner, you can reverse and straighten up to go in
To straighten up, turn the wheel slightly to the side where the space is, slowly clutch up move and turn the wheel the other way at straighten up
Parallel Parking – straighten up next to car, reverse til half past car. Adjust passenger mirror to look down. Look around. Full lock down to left as moving behind car.
Get til car is bit further than 45 degrees sticking out from the curb -
Keep looking around, checking blind spots
two full rotations down to right while going very slowly with foot on brake, car will speed up as camber (steep) of road
Look all around, do not stare at wing mirror
Continue reversing - going forward is a minor, but fine if you touch the curb
When car door is parallel with curb in wing mirror straighten up while reversing
Can't go more than 2 car lengths behind car in front.
Sort your mirror out when you're done.
Pulling up on the right - look for somewhere with a lot of space on the right, check all mirrors and blind spot, indicate, then slowly go over to the right, get close to the curb and straighten up. Handbrake, cancel signal, and go into neutral. Examiner will ask you to reverse 2 car lengths. Make sure you check all spots and mirrors again, before slowly reversing, keeping the car straight. To straighten up turn the wheel to where the space is. Right hand mirror parallel to curb. Stop if anyone approaches. Examiner will tell you when to stop. Put the handbrake on and go into neutral. To move off, check all mirrors and spots, indicate, and move away.
Emergency stop - make sure to brake then clutch quickly
2.1 Show me how you would check that the direction indicators are working.
Turn hazards on - shows both are working. Then walk around car and check all six are working.
2.2 Show me how you would check the brake lights are working on this car, (if you need to switch the ignition on, please don’t start the engine).
Operate brake pedal, make use of reflections in windows, garage doors, etc, or ask someone to help, (may need to switch ignition on, prompt not to start engine).
2.3 Show me, or explain how you would check that the power assisted steering is working before starting a journey.
If the steering becomes heavy the system may not be working properly. Before starting a journey two simple checks can be made. Gentle pressure on the steering wheel, maintained while the engine is started, should result in a slight but noticeable movement as the system begins to operate. Alternatively turning the steering wheel just after moving off will give an immediate indication that the power assistance is functioning.
2.4 Show me how you would check the parking brake (handbrake) for excessive wear; make sure you keep safe control of the vehicle.
Apply footbrake firmly. Demonstrate by applying parking brake (handbrake) so that when it is fully applied it secures itself, and is not at the end of the working travel.
2.5 Show me how you would check that the horn is working.
Beep beep!
2.6 Show me how you would clean the windscreen using the windscreen washer and wipers.
Rear windscreen - push the right indicator away from driver.
Front windscreen - pull the right indicator toward the driver.
2.65 Show me how you would switch on your dipped headlights.
Turn dial behind steering wheel once to the left. Green light on dashboard shows it is on. Turn it once back to the right to go to automatic headlights.
2.7 Show me how you would switch on the rear fog light(s) and explain when you would use it/them, (no need to exit vehicle).
Turn on dipped headlights and then press the lower of the two buttons to the left of the dial (has a little fog symbol). Check warning light is on the dashboard (orange light, same symbol as on the button). You would use the fog light when visibility is less than 100 meters.
2.8 Show me how you switch your headlight from dipped to main beam and explain how you would know the main beam is on.
Turn on ignition, turn on dipped headlights, then push left indicator away from you. Blue light on dashboard shows that it is on.
2.9 Show me how you would set the demister controls to clear all the windows effectively.
Rear demister is on the left of the panel under the radio. Turn it off by pressing it again.
Front demister is middle of the panel under radio. Use the off button on the right of that panel, which turns off everything front demister has turned on.
2.10 Open the bonnet, identify where you would check the engine oil level and tell me how you would check that the engine has sufficient oil.
Mid left stick. To check wipe with cloth and dip back in and see if the oil is between the min & max markers
2.11 Open the bonnet, identify where you would check the engine coolant level and tell me how you would check that the engine has the correct level.
Wide bottle on the left. Never open when hot. Check that coolant is between min & max
2.12 Open the bonnet, identify where the brake fluid reservoir is and tell me how you would check that you have a safe level of hydraulic brake fluid.
Identify reservoir, check level against high/low markings.
Brakes should not feel spongy or slack. Brakes should be tested as you set off. Vehicle should not pull to one side.
3.3 Tell me where you would find the information for the recommended tyre pressures for this car and how tyre pressures should be checked.
Manufacturer’s guide, use a reliable pressure gauge, check and adjust pressures when tyres are cold, don’t forget spare tyre, remember to refit valve caps.
3.4 Tell me how you make sure your head restraint is correctly adjusted so it provides the best protection in the event of a crash.
The head restraint should be adjusted so the rigid part of the head restraint is at least as high as the eye or top of the ears, and as close to the back of the head as is comfortable. Adjust using button at the base. Note: Some restraints might not be adjustable.
3.5 Tell me how you would check the tyres to ensure that they have sufficient tread depth and that their general condition is safe to use on the road.
No cuts and bulges, 1.6mm of tread depth across the central 3/4 of the breadth of the tyre and around the entire outer circumference. Check using a tread depth gauge.
3.6 Tell me how you would check that the headlights and tail lights are working (no need to exit vehicle).
Turn ignition on, turn dial on right of the wheel one click to the left. Then walk round the vehicle.
3.7 Tell me how you would know if there was a problem with your anti lock braking system.
Orange ABS Warning light should illuminate if there is a fault with the anti lock braking system. It flashes on when the ignition is turned on.
Bromley
Turn out from behind station, keep to the right then, sharp turn onto the left lane, must start from the right as the lanes are busy and tight
There's a junction where you go over and it looks like a straight but must be treated as a right turn, then left turn
There's a sharp right turn on a left bend, so go really slow in first around the bend and turn when it's clear
The one way system that is like a round about, you must get over to the left as you go past the turn before your turn so you don't get stuck in right lane
Going under railway - tunnel is really tight, so go slow and make sure there's no-one oncoming, so you can go over the centre line or you clip the wall on the left
Look out for crossing over to Lewisham - as Lewisham is mostly 20mph
submitted by hayesy17 to LearnerDriverUK [link] [comments]
I really thought I'd failed about midway through, but remembered someone on this sub said you need to concentrate on what's next on the test and not think about what's already happened. As I didn't get any faults that shows how easy it is to get in your own head and worry!
All the Show Me/ Tell Me notes are specific to the Fiesta I did the test in so just edit them to your / your instructors car.
The end is on the tricky parts of the Bromley test route, my instructor highlighted them as where people slip up and fail so I wrote down how to handle them.
I found the test route walkthrough on https://www.youtube.com/@DrivingSchoolTV really helpful, especially where he says you're doing the test because you are a safe driver and you just need to show that, which was really good for pre-test nerves.
Notes
Don’t chase an amber light
Check all 6 spots (including blind spot) before moving off or doing manoeuvres
During manoeuvres always look around and be nosy!
Watch speed when there’s an open road - especially when entering new road
Don't worry about getting up to speed in a built up area - go slow
Look around looking for indicators – especially on buses
Keep checking mirrors
Hill Start – Check over right shoulder, then all mirrors, then right shoulder again. Indicate right. Get biting point with clutch, then add accelerator. Take off handbrake and move away.
When turning off a road slow up to almost a stop before turning, if there's a car coming wait, better to do it slow than rush the turn
Look back in the mirror every time you use the brake
Make sure when stopping in a traffic jam to not cover any exits on the left
6 point check before moving off every time
On test the examiner will be looking for you to check blind spots every time
Crossing at crossroads, if going straight over you have right of way ahead of someone turning right onto it across you
Junctions with a million things going on, keep concentrating on your lane and the lights
In a 30 zone get into 3rd as quickly as you go from 1st to 2nd
If you're behind a bus, leave a lot of room in case they stop and you have to go round
Moving down a gear - brake to the speed you want and then select the gear.
On instructors car:
How to open the bonnet
- Latch on passenger side, then latch in the middle of the bonnet
- Mid left stick. To check wipe with cloth and dip back in and see if the oil is between the min & max markers
- Wide bottle on the left. Never open when hot. Check that coolant is between min & max
- Circle cap to the right of the coolant cap, has a circle in brackets marker. Check it is between min & Max on the outside.
Bay parking - on test you will have to do either reverse or forward, you get to pick if you want left or right
Reverse - left - go third line from target Bay in line with passenger handle. Adjust mirror so it's looking down. Slowly on clutch, go full lock down to the left and ease round into the space. Go a little further round before straightening wheel. Driver is just in back half of space (make sure the front isn't peaking out)
Front - right - line 2 spaces away in line with bottom of windscreen. Slowly on clutch, go full lock down to the right and ease round into the space. Straighten wheel
If you're going in between two cars and it's tight on the far corner, you can reverse and straighten up to go in
To straighten up, turn the wheel slightly to the side where the space is, slowly clutch up move and turn the wheel the other way at straighten up
Parallel Parking – straighten up next to car, reverse til half past car. Adjust passenger mirror to look down. Look around. Full lock down to left as moving behind car.
Get til car is bit further than 45 degrees sticking out from the curb -
Keep looking around, checking blind spots
two full rotations down to right while going very slowly with foot on brake, car will speed up as camber (steep) of road
Look all around, do not stare at wing mirror
Continue reversing - going forward is a minor, but fine if you touch the curb
When car door is parallel with curb in wing mirror straighten up while reversing
Can't go more than 2 car lengths behind car in front.
Sort your mirror out when you're done.
Pulling up on the right - look for somewhere with a lot of space on the right, check all mirrors and blind spot, indicate, then slowly go over to the right, get close to the curb and straighten up. Handbrake, cancel signal, and go into neutral. Examiner will ask you to reverse 2 car lengths. Make sure you check all spots and mirrors again, before slowly reversing, keeping the car straight. To straighten up turn the wheel to where the space is. Right hand mirror parallel to curb. Stop if anyone approaches. Examiner will tell you when to stop. Put the handbrake on and go into neutral. To move off, check all mirrors and spots, indicate, and move away.
Emergency stop - make sure to brake then clutch quickly
2.1 Show me how you would check that the direction indicators are working.
Turn hazards on - shows both are working. Then walk around car and check all six are working.
2.2 Show me how you would check the brake lights are working on this car, (if you need to switch the ignition on, please don’t start the engine).
Operate brake pedal, make use of reflections in windows, garage doors, etc, or ask someone to help, (may need to switch ignition on, prompt not to start engine).
2.3 Show me, or explain how you would check that the power assisted steering is working before starting a journey.
If the steering becomes heavy the system may not be working properly. Before starting a journey two simple checks can be made. Gentle pressure on the steering wheel, maintained while the engine is started, should result in a slight but noticeable movement as the system begins to operate. Alternatively turning the steering wheel just after moving off will give an immediate indication that the power assistance is functioning.
2.4 Show me how you would check the parking brake (handbrake) for excessive wear; make sure you keep safe control of the vehicle.
Apply footbrake firmly. Demonstrate by applying parking brake (handbrake) so that when it is fully applied it secures itself, and is not at the end of the working travel.
2.5 Show me how you would check that the horn is working.
Beep beep!
2.6 Show me how you would clean the windscreen using the windscreen washer and wipers.
Rear windscreen - push the right indicator away from driver.
Front windscreen - pull the right indicator toward the driver.
2.65 Show me how you would switch on your dipped headlights.
Turn dial behind steering wheel once to the left. Green light on dashboard shows it is on. Turn it once back to the right to go to automatic headlights.
2.7 Show me how you would switch on the rear fog light(s) and explain when you would use it/them, (no need to exit vehicle).
Turn on dipped headlights and then press the lower of the two buttons to the left of the dial (has a little fog symbol). Check warning light is on the dashboard (orange light, same symbol as on the button). You would use the fog light when visibility is less than 100 meters.
2.8 Show me how you switch your headlight from dipped to main beam and explain how you would know the main beam is on.
Turn on ignition, turn on dipped headlights, then push left indicator away from you. Blue light on dashboard shows that it is on.
2.9 Show me how you would set the demister controls to clear all the windows effectively.
Rear demister is on the left of the panel under the radio. Turn it off by pressing it again.
Front demister is middle of the panel under radio. Use the off button on the right of that panel, which turns off everything front demister has turned on.
2.10 Open the bonnet, identify where you would check the engine oil level and tell me how you would check that the engine has sufficient oil.
Mid left stick. To check wipe with cloth and dip back in and see if the oil is between the min & max markers
2.11 Open the bonnet, identify where you would check the engine coolant level and tell me how you would check that the engine has the correct level.
Wide bottle on the left. Never open when hot. Check that coolant is between min & max
2.12 Open the bonnet, identify where the brake fluid reservoir is and tell me how you would check that you have a safe level of hydraulic brake fluid.
Identify reservoir, check level against high/low markings.
- ‘Tell me’ questions
Brakes should not feel spongy or slack. Brakes should be tested as you set off. Vehicle should not pull to one side.
3.3 Tell me where you would find the information for the recommended tyre pressures for this car and how tyre pressures should be checked.
Manufacturer’s guide, use a reliable pressure gauge, check and adjust pressures when tyres are cold, don’t forget spare tyre, remember to refit valve caps.
3.4 Tell me how you make sure your head restraint is correctly adjusted so it provides the best protection in the event of a crash.
The head restraint should be adjusted so the rigid part of the head restraint is at least as high as the eye or top of the ears, and as close to the back of the head as is comfortable. Adjust using button at the base. Note: Some restraints might not be adjustable.
3.5 Tell me how you would check the tyres to ensure that they have sufficient tread depth and that their general condition is safe to use on the road.
No cuts and bulges, 1.6mm of tread depth across the central 3/4 of the breadth of the tyre and around the entire outer circumference. Check using a tread depth gauge.
3.6 Tell me how you would check that the headlights and tail lights are working (no need to exit vehicle).
Turn ignition on, turn dial on right of the wheel one click to the left. Then walk round the vehicle.
3.7 Tell me how you would know if there was a problem with your anti lock braking system.
Orange ABS Warning light should illuminate if there is a fault with the anti lock braking system. It flashes on when the ignition is turned on.
Bromley
Turn out from behind station, keep to the right then, sharp turn onto the left lane, must start from the right as the lanes are busy and tight
There's a junction where you go over and it looks like a straight but must be treated as a right turn, then left turn
There's a sharp right turn on a left bend, so go really slow in first around the bend and turn when it's clear
The one way system that is like a round about, you must get over to the left as you go past the turn before your turn so you don't get stuck in right lane
Going under railway - tunnel is really tight, so go slow and make sure there's no-one oncoming, so you can go over the centre line or you clip the wall on the left
Look out for crossing over to Lewisham - as Lewisham is mostly 20mph
2024.05.12 06:24 Lichens6tyz When my truck died
I was doing about 65. That's just about 2100 rpm in that truck with the 3:73 gear ratio in it. Or whatever it is. I never really liked driving it over that speed anyway, because there was a vibration that worried me when I did. (It's an.04.5)
I replaced that broken engine with one out of an 03. It runs like a sweet dream. But I am terrified to take it much over 2100 rpm. I know it's irrational, but there it is.
I've unwittingly gotten it up to 2500 a few times while towing downgrade, but I always make sure to bring it back down. I check the oil every few hundred miles, and it's clean. I adjusted the valve lash. Everything seems good. I guess that in time I will regain my courage. I used to drive my 97 2500 rpm all the time, but it's so expensive and difficult to make this truck run again if the engine blows, and I'm kinda in love with it and it already broke my heart once.
Thanks for listening.
submitted by Lichens6tyz to Cummins [link] [comments]
I replaced that broken engine with one out of an 03. It runs like a sweet dream. But I am terrified to take it much over 2100 rpm. I know it's irrational, but there it is.
I've unwittingly gotten it up to 2500 a few times while towing downgrade, but I always make sure to bring it back down. I check the oil every few hundred miles, and it's clean. I adjusted the valve lash. Everything seems good. I guess that in time I will regain my courage. I used to drive my 97 2500 rpm all the time, but it's so expensive and difficult to make this truck run again if the engine blows, and I'm kinda in love with it and it already broke my heart once.
Thanks for listening.
2024.05.12 01:00 no_no_nora How do I get him to understand?
My mom died about four years ago. A year later, he met a new woman, and he’s a new man. My mom had a plethora of mental problems, and never got help. So he shut down. He stayed married to her for forty something years.
I got the brunt of my mom’s untreated mental illness. I’ve done everything in my power, to not make the same mistakes as she did. I’ve gotten a diagnosis, I take medication, and I’ve done my damnedest to not lash out. It happens sometimes, but I’m a lot better than I used to be.
My dad refuses to make any adjustments for me. The only thing I’ve asked him to do, is to hold off on anything - if I ask him to stop. Just because I know I’m trying to calm myself down, and think straight. He can’t comprehend that one thing, BUT will bend over backwards, and do whatever for the new lady, and her family. To say I’m jealous, would be an understatement, and for the record, I’m an adult, and I feel incredibly dumb for admitting it.
I can’t even vent to him. I’ve been going thru a lot with work, or if I try to ask him if my mom went thru similar health related thing, he says he doesn’t know, and changes the subject to what he wants to talk about. I know I’m a grown ass adult - but sometimes you just want to talk to your parent.
Today, he did something I’ve asked him to not do countless times, and absolutely lost it in front of him, & his gf. Am I embarrassed? Absolutely. I regret I let him get to me like that, and he didn’t deserve that. But I just don’t know what to do anymore with him. He will bend over backwards for her family, so much so - that half of them spend the holiday season with him. And I feel like an embarrassing afterthought- which is stupid, because I’m an adult.
Is there anything I can do to get him to understand, or retain information, or do I just accept - I’m the black sheep in my new family? Thanks.
submitted by no_no_nora to familydrama [link] [comments]
I got the brunt of my mom’s untreated mental illness. I’ve done everything in my power, to not make the same mistakes as she did. I’ve gotten a diagnosis, I take medication, and I’ve done my damnedest to not lash out. It happens sometimes, but I’m a lot better than I used to be.
My dad refuses to make any adjustments for me. The only thing I’ve asked him to do, is to hold off on anything - if I ask him to stop. Just because I know I’m trying to calm myself down, and think straight. He can’t comprehend that one thing, BUT will bend over backwards, and do whatever for the new lady, and her family. To say I’m jealous, would be an understatement, and for the record, I’m an adult, and I feel incredibly dumb for admitting it.
I can’t even vent to him. I’ve been going thru a lot with work, or if I try to ask him if my mom went thru similar health related thing, he says he doesn’t know, and changes the subject to what he wants to talk about. I know I’m a grown ass adult - but sometimes you just want to talk to your parent.
Today, he did something I’ve asked him to not do countless times, and absolutely lost it in front of him, & his gf. Am I embarrassed? Absolutely. I regret I let him get to me like that, and he didn’t deserve that. But I just don’t know what to do anymore with him. He will bend over backwards for her family, so much so - that half of them spend the holiday season with him. And I feel like an embarrassing afterthought- which is stupid, because I’m an adult.
Is there anything I can do to get him to understand, or retain information, or do I just accept - I’m the black sheep in my new family? Thanks.
2024.05.11 18:31 ajnewha Water is soft, but making hair feel and look awful
 | We moved to a new home several months ago and recently had to install a new water softener. The water was yellowish dude to being in a wooded area, so we decided to install a tannin filter system, as well. submitted by ajnewha to WaterTreatment [link] [comments] Since the install of these two new systems, washing our hair has been awful. You can’t run your fingers through it, it immediately gets tangled and frizzy. It feels like there’s so much build-up. Could it be the tannin filter causing this? Is there something specific we need the water company to test for? Added the pic of the water testing results for reference. |
2024.05.11 05:47 UnableLibrary4155 h23 VTEC Valve Lash
Hi, so I have a 1998 honda prelude with a JDM blue top h23 VTEC engine in it. I was hearing some valve lash and decided to try and do a valve adjustment and the valve lash got worse. Does anyone now the actual specs for the valve adjustment because I keep finding different answers. Some people say that it is the same as the h22 and some other people have given different specs. Also does anyone have any tips on making sure that the valves are to spec?
submitted by UnableLibrary4155 to hondaprelude [link] [comments]
2024.05.11 04:26 Numerous_Shape796 Will this fit Marlin 5
 | Will this fork fit on a Marlin 5 ? submitted by Numerous_Shape796 to trekmarlin [link] [comments] |
2024.05.11 02:13 Hephaestus401 Please Help
I have a craftsman ride on mower with a Briggs & Stratton motor mower would start up fine, but smoked a lot so I figured it had a blown head gasket and I was right. I replace a head gasket with a cork material. And put everything back together when to start the mower and nothing try to start it with starting fluid still wouldn’t start check. The valves valves are fine and the pressure release is working. I am extremely confused. Any help is appreciated.
submitted by Hephaestus401 to smallenginerepair [link] [comments]
2024.05.10 19:55 nightmarewoman I'm 28, make $67,000, live in Central Mass, and I struggled this week
ABOUT ME
I wrote a money diary in October 2022. Since then, my boyfriend P. has been upgraded to fiance (we are getting married in July!) and my beloved Trash Cat has had enucleation surgery (we now call the vet “The Eye Snatcher”). I still work as a technology specialist in higher education. In December 2023, I discovered HR input my salary wrong when I first started my current job—the contract I signed stated my salary as $65,000, but they input it as $60,000. I got a hefty portion of back pay. I am currently making about $67,000/year.
P. and I still split expenses 50/50 (somewhat imperfectly) and do not have any combined accounts. We input shared expenses into this spreadsheet and then settle the difference once a month. His salary is about $75,000. He recently cashed out about $15,000 from a 529 plan he never used (he didn’t go to college) and will be creating a CD ladder with this money to save for a down payment.
ASSETS & DEBT
Retirement balance: $6,542.66 in my 403(b) and $2,688.03 in my Roth IRA. In my last money diary, I felt guilty about my retirement balance because I didn’t really start until the age of 25 and for a year my contributions went uninvested. I feel much better about it now. This summer, I’ll qualify for employer-matched contributions to my 403(b), which will improve my progress even more.
Equity: maybe one day????
Savings account balance: $1,291.23 in an emergency fund, $160.32 in a recently-started down payment fund.
Checking account balance: $3,052.37
Credit card debt: $4,651 on credit card 1, $0 on credit card 2. Unfortunately, I’ve had 3 major setbacks in recent months: Trash Cat’s surgery ($2,200), new tires/maintenance on my car ($2,300), and an unexpected hotel stay when P.’s nephew passed away just before Christmas ($1,000). P. and I split Trash Cat’s surgery and the hotel stay, so the total I’ve put on my card in recent months is $3,900. I was down to about $800 in debt prior to all this fun stuff.
Student loan debt: $75,000 in public loans for a bachelor’s degree in Education and a master’s degree in English. This was technically a “bad choice” because I did use my loans for living expenses during grad school, but I honestly do not regret it. I LOVED grad school, even though most of it happened online due to the pandemic, and I sincerely believe it made me a better, more thoughtful, and empathetic person. Since the university I work for now is a certified non-profit organization, I will eventually qualify for PSLF if I stay here or within the field of accredited higher education.
Car debt: I owe $2,754 on my Toyota.
INCOME
Income progression: I have worked steadily at part-time jobs since age 16. I’ve been in educational tech for 3 years; my starting salary was $18/hour as a customer service associate, which was around $42,000 annually with overtime. When I started my current job almost 2 years ago, my salary jumped to $65,000 (which ended up being funky, see ABOUT ME above). My current salary, after it was adjusted and I received a 3% raise, is now $67,000.
Monthly take-home pay: $3,355.90 after deductions
Side gig income: None. I quit tutoring because I started taking night classes back in the fall.
Parental Support: As I mentioned in my money diary last year, my parents contributed about $22,000 to rent/car expenses during my “adult” (college) life. My dad is also paying for our wedding “reception,” which is a private dinner at a restaurant for 15 people (estimated cost $5,000). I hinted heavily at Financial Trauma in my last diary, an issue I’ve mostly overcome thanks to my incredible therapist. I might write a more detailed post on healing Financial Trauma and my experience with it…let me know if you’d be interested in reading something like that :)
EXPENSES
Rent: $787.50 (P. and I split rent 50/50; our total rent is $1,575)
Renter’s & car insurance: $1,321/year, which averages out to $110.83/month (not split).
Health insurance: $394.46/month before tax for health and dental. Once P. and I get married, I am hopping on his insurance.
Retirement contribution: $257.50/month pre-tax into my 403(b). I also transfer $50/month into a Roth IRA.
Savings contribution: $200/month to emergency fund, $50/month to down payment fund
Debt payments: $260/month for my car payment, $60/month for my student loan payment (this is wildly low because I am on an income-driven repayment plan. Due to the ongoing Federal Battles, I have not had to recertify my income, so this payment is based on my 2019 income. I also pay at least $500/month towards my credit card debt. Since this is a three paycheck month (and my third paycheck will be a “deduction holiday”), I am paying $1,000 towards it this month. P. does not contribute towards my debt.
Utilities: P. and I split internet, water, electricity, and trash evenly: usually about $175/month for my half, $350 total.
Cellphone: $65/month (we each pay for our own phones).
Subscriptions: Spotify for $10.99/month, Hulu for $7.99/month, Monarch (web budgeting app) for $50/year (this is a discounted price; it will jump to $80/year next year). None of these expenses are split.
Gym membership: $36/monthly for gym membership; $500/quarter for personal training (not split).
Pet expenses: P. and I split this expense; generally $100/month for my half, $200/month total.
Therapy: $25/week (not split).
MONEY DIARY
DAY 1: FRIDAY
😴 7 AM: P. shakes me awake. I reluctantly get up, go to the bathroom, and change into leggings and a sweater dress. After I give Trash Cat his morning medicine, I kiss P. goodbye and I’m out the door. I listen to the Sinisterhood podcast on my drive to work and try to stop for coffee, but the drive-thru line is backed up into the street and causing traffic, so I skip it.
💄8 AM: I put on my makeup in the bathroom at work; this has become my new routine since I was diagnosed with sleep apnea because the extra few minutes of sleep are now a medical necessity. I use Covergirl skinmilk foundation, elf lash and roll mascara, and elf instant brow pencil. Sometimes I use elf lip stain (big elf fan over here) but don’t bother today.
😈 9 AM: I meet with the university’s academic technology team to help them set up a feedback survey for a new grading tool they piloted this semester. We also bitch a little about some difficulties we’ve had this week with faculty. An important thing to know about me is that I am a hater to my innermost core.
🥪12 PM: After spending most of the morning replying to emails, updating tickets, and watching budgeting videos on YouTube, I realize I forgot my lunch at home. Since digging myself back into credit card debt, I’ve made a conscious effort to bring my lunch to work and spend less on convenience food, so I’m pretty annoyed with myself. A quick trip to the library cafe yields a turkey sub, a green smoothie, and a giant cookie ($14.47). I eat at my desk while making some money moves (it’s payday!). $200 goes to my credit card to cover my therapy copay and the pair of Hokas I bought my mom for her birthday earlier this week. I also transfer $500 to my savings account. $214.47
👣5 PM: I pack up and make the short drive over to my friend’s apartment. It was a spectacularly unproductive day; if I’m being honest, I’ve been feeling burnt out and need a break, but I’m trying to save my vacation days for our wedding. My friend and I walk around one of my favorite neighborhoods in the city and catch up. We also go to Whole Foods before she heads to the gym. I grab some specialty canned beans, tofu, tortilla chips, Chomps, and some Poppi sodas ($35.23).
🐱8 PM: I eat one of my favorite lazy meals for dinner—refried beans mixed with quinoa, salsa verde, and shredded cheese with tortilla chips—and watch a few episodes of Home Economics on Hulu. I get sucked into TikTok for a little while before brushing my teeth and taking my meds. I go to bed around 10:30 PM while snuggling Trash Cat.
Daily Total: $249.70
DAY 2: SATURDAY
🚿 8:30 AM: Quick shower before changing into a blue sundress and a white button up. I do my makeup and feed Trash Cat. I’m out the door a little past 9 AM to head to book club.
📚10 AM: This month, we’re having book club at an adorable little tea room. We read Romancing Mr. Bridgerton and obviously love a ✨theme✨ so the four of us spend an hour talking about the book, eating tiny finger sandwiches, and drinking approximately 5 gallons of tea. One of my good friends from grad school, R., started this book club a few months ago and it has been such a joy to get together with awesome women on a regular basis. We also commiserate over family problems—R does a dramatic reading of an outrageous text from my dad before we go our separate ways ($38.10).
💍12 PM: I received an email yesterday from our jeweler that my wedding ring is done and realize I’m much closer to the jewelry shop than I am to home. I call P. to ask if he’d be okay with me picking it up. He is. I swing by the shop and try on my ring; it is so beautiful and fits perfectly! I wear it on my drive home and can’t stop admiring it. P. put down $400 when we met with the jeweler a few months ago, so I pay $821.88 to take it home. P. sends me that exact amount on Venmo. (technically, I pay nothing).
😵2 PM: I eat more of my refried bean lazy meal and watch some episodes of The Rookie on Hulu. The rest of the day is spent fielding calls and texts from my sister, brother, and sister-in-law about my mother’s birthday dinner tomorrow. It is bringing up ✨trauma✨ for all of us.
😴9 PM: A very lazy night routine of brushing my teeth, taking off my makeup with a wipe, take my meds, and drinking water while listening to a podcast as I fall asleep.
Daily Total: $38.10
DAY 3: SUNDAY
🎁10:30 AM: Roll out of bed, make some Kodiak protein waffles, and call my youngest brother, who is 22. He and I are very close, but I still carry a lot of guilt about how much I couldn’t—and can’t—protect him from. I offer to pick out a gift for Mom “from him” since he has to head to the airport to retrieve our parents and he agrees.
🧀12 PM: I go to a gift shop in the next town over and pick out a pair of gold vermeil earrings. They’re $225. I buy them and tell my brother to Venmo me $175 (so technically I spend $50). After, I pop over to Wegmans, which is in the same shopping plaza, and pick up quesadillas, seltzers, fried rice, and spicy chicken for lunch ($41.55 total, $20.77 for my half). $70.77.
🧼1 PM: P. and I eat lunch on the couch while watching YouTube. Afterwards, I channel my irritation into cleaning the apartment. I vacuum, swiffer, put away dishes, and wipe down the bathroom. P. takes out the trash and recycling and starts some laundry.
🍾4 PM: We meet my other brother (I have two—this one is also younger but closer in age to me, 27) and my sister-in-law at a bar to pregame for Mom's birthday dinner. Is this healthy? Probably not. Does it work? Yes. I pay for all our drinks ($112.02)
🙄5 PM: Dinner time. A bunch of my aunts and uncles are there, too, so we sit at the “kid’s table” with my siblings and one of my cousins. I order Jameson and ginger and a fancy cheeseburger. Maybe it’s the liquid courage, or the fact I went into this with extraordinarily low expectations, but I have a surprisingly good time…until my dad starts to fight with the waitress about separate checks for the separate tables. He didn’t mention it at the beginning of the meal, and considering we have 17 people at three different tables, the waitress understandably says no. It gets to the point where my brother just hands her his credit card to put an end to it. He doesn’t tell me how much the total bill is; P. and I venmo him $100 each ($100).
🍋7 PM: The fun isn’t over! We head back to my parents’ house for cake and presents. I eat lemon cake with ice cream and give my mom the Hokas I bought her earlier in the week. She loves the earrings from my brother, and he thanks me for helping him.
💤11 PM: We finally leave. I fall asleep on the way home. I thank P. for being such a supportive partner, take my meds, and promptly fall asleep again.
Daily total: $282.79
DAY 4: MONDAY
🤕8 AM: I make it out of bed and over to the computer. I respond to emails, update a few tickets, and purchase a knee brace from Amazon ($24.01). I LOVE going to the gym and I’m trying to lose weight for health reasons, but the past few days my left knee has been stiff and achy to the point that it hurts to go up and down the stairs. I have a doctor’s appointment this week so I can tell my primary care physician then, but I want to go for a walk to clear my head. I drink a Liquid IV.
🍜11 AM: P. picks up brunch from one of our favorite local restaurants. Their biscuits and gravy bowl is incredible. ($27.58 total, $*13.79 *for my half).
🥟4 PM: I jump in the car and run to Petsmart to pick up pill pockets and food for Trash Cat. Even though he came from a dumpster, he has decided he’ll only eat the fancy cat food. ($64.78 total, $32.39 **for my half). Then I go to Wegmans for some more groceries: tomatoes, cucumbers, frozen dumplings, lettuce, seltzer, onions, brussel sprouts, and turkey burgers. ($68.22 total, $34.11 **for my half).
🍅6 PM: P. and I eat dinner while watching the John Oliver episode on libraries (stop banning books, losers!!!!). It’s one of our other favorite lazy meals: quinoa with fancy canned beans with chopped up peppers, onions, and tomatoes. I drink a seltzer with dinner and then do some chores and take a shower.
🦷10 PM: Stayed up later than I meant to scrolling TikTok and Reddit. Whoops! I brush my teeth and turn off the lights.
Daily total: $104.30
DAY 5: TUESDAY
🧇8 AM: Roll out of bed and walk 5 steps to my computer. After checking email and signing in, I make protein waffles for breakfast and put on my new knee brace that was delivered last night.
💩10 AM: I take a quick break from writing technical documentation to fold some laundry and tidy up the kitchen. I give Trash Cat some treats and clean out the litterbox. He is a stinky boy.
👨💻1:30 PM: I run a meeting with my boss and grandboss about the documentation project I’m currently spearheading. We are migrating into a new (and easier) documentation system, which means I need to export, update, and organize all our current documentation. They’re both pleased with my progress and the next goals I’ve outlined. Maybe I am good at my job? Afterwards, I eat some refried beans with tortilla chips and a seltzer.
🤬4:30 PM: I get a very rude email from a faculty member saying he cannot access a file a student shared with him (and grades are due tonight). He sends me a screenshot and it turns out…he’s clicking the wrong button. I explain the correct steps and attach the student’s file, but I’m so agitated that I sign out early and go for a walk. The weather is beautiful, and I try not to think about the email, but I keep stewing over it. The worst part of working in higher ed is the entitlement - I am often treated like “the help” by the Impossibly Busy Big Brained Professors Who Don’t Have Time For Glitches (FYI, glitches do not care whether you have time for them or not).
📱6 PM: P. and I eat leftovers of our fancy canned bean bowls for dinner and feed Trash Cat. I numb out by scrolling for about 3 hours.
🙄9 PM: I go to bed, but keep thinking about that damn email and then beat myself up for being so sensitive and giving that professor so much of my mental energy off the clock.
Daily total: $0
DAY 6: WEDNESDAY
🥯7 AM: Get out of bed, throw some clothes into my gym bag, get dressed, and run out the door. I stop at Dunkin on the way to work to get an iced coffee and some stuffed bagel minis ($5.45).
🧘♀️10 AM: I log into my virtual therapy appointment from my office and talk for 40 minutes straight about everything I am struggling with: my routine is out of whack thanks to my mom’s dinner; I’m mad at my parents, my sister, and my job; my knee is killing me so I can’t work out; I have been a shitty partner and cat mom this week; I am scrolling to numb out instead of reading or relaxing in a meaningful way. My therapist helps me come up with an action plan. I put my phone on bedtime mode to turn it to black and white, make plans with P. for a cozy date night at home this weekend, and bookmark a few jobs to apply for. She reminds me I am a supportive sister and partner and relationships are not 50/50 every single day. We end with a meditation about releasing anger.
☁️11 AM: I meet with a staff member in admissions over Zoom to discuss file back-up in preparation for his new computer. He is actually already synced to our cloud system, meaning that all files are backed up, so the meeting is easy. He asks a few questions about the cloud system and how it works and also provides feedback on some of the tools he feels need guidelines or best practices for usage.
📽️12 PM: Lunch is the last of the fancy bean bowl leftovers and a seltzer (I am a creature of habit). While I eat, I watch budgeting videos on YouTube. I get an email that my credit card has been charged for my therapy copay ($25).
🙃3 PM: I meet virtually with a professor who is, technologically speaking, extremely high-need. I watch her rename and organize files for about an hour. Inevitably, she moves them to the wrong place, accidentally deletes the entire file name, etc. On the bright side, she is very sweet and appreciative of my guidance.
💪4:45 PM: I duck out early to drive to the gym. I let my trainer know what is going on with my knee, so we decide to hit upper today. I only started weightlifting in November and I’ve found I love it so much I am willing to shell out for personal training. After doing my best not to side-eye the men with terrible form (if you need to use your knees to complete a bicep curl, the weight is too heavy), I stretch out and grab dinner from Qdoba: a chicken bowl for me and a steak burrito for P ($24.66 total, $*12.33 *for my half).
🤙7 PM: I call my youngest brother while eating dinner. He is the only one living at home with my parents and needs to vent about what’s going on. I do my best to validate his feelings and remind him he can stop by our apartment whenever he needs to. I wish I could do more.
🚿8 PM: I pack my Qdoba leftovers for lunch, take a shower, and crawl into bed with some sleepy tea and a book.
Daily total: $42.78
DAY 7: THURSDAY
🦶5:30 AM: P. wakes me up by tickling my feet. It is not enjoyable, but it is highly effective. I grab my leftovers and head to the gym.
🚲7 AM: I finish up my cardio workout on the bike, take a quick shower, and change into my work clothes. It’s a little unfair that exercise actually does make you feel better. On the way to work, I stop at Dunkin for iced coffee again but resist getting a snack ($3.31).
🥤9 AM: My morning work consists of emails, tickets, and updating some website pages. I also find a job listing on LinkedIn at another university which is a step up from my current position. A quick look at Glassdoor shows it has a higher employee satisfaction rating than the institution where I work now, and the salary range for this position is at least $10k higher than my current salary. I spend a bit of time fine-tuning my resume and drafting a cover letter while researching the university. It has a much nicer fitness center and a smoothie bar? I know, I know, the grass is always greener…
📚10 AM: Quick walk over to the library for an appointment with the archival specialist. We discuss how to back up her files in preparation for her new computer. She gives me a tour of the rare book collection - first editions of Jane Eyre and David Copperfield, plus a copy of the Nuremberg Chronicle from the fifteenth century. Very cool. For about five minutes, I consider going back to school to get a master’s degree in library science.
🌶️11 AM: Early lunch of my Qdoba leftovers, tortilla chips, and seltzer since I didn’t have breakfast.
🖥️2 PM: I meet with my manager to discuss the documentation project and a new hire initiative in collaboration with HR. The spring semester is officially over, so we have more time on our hands to do some maintenance, clean-up, and proactive support.
🧀5 PM: Work is over! I stop at the grocery store to buy brie, crackers, oat milk, toilet paper, paper towels, and a cup of macaroni. My period is coming and I always crave cheese ($49.55 total, $*24.77 *for my half).
🍴6 PM: P. and I eat a dinner of brie, crackers, and brussel sprouts while watching a few cooking videos on YouTube. We talk about how “emotionally charged” I’ve been for the past few days (P. uses the phrase—he never, ever calls me crazy, irritable, moody, etc.). Eating cheese makes me feel better. Trash Cat and I watch a few episodes of Brooklyn 99.
💊8 PM: Quick shower, meds, and podcasts. I start to doze off.
📞9:30 PM: My brother calls me. I’m confused and groggy, so I miss the call but text him immediately asking if everything is okay. He lets me know he will be fine and I promise to call him tomorrow. It takes me a little while longer to fall asleep; P. comes to bed around 10 PM for cuddles.
Daily total: $28.08
WEEKLY TOTALS (edited)
Total Spent: $745.45
Food + Drink: $375.95
Fun / Entertainment: $38.10
Home + Health: $49.01
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transport: $0
Credit card: $200
Gift: $50
Pets: $32.39
REFLECTION
This was an above-average spending week for me with my mom’s birthday. Emotionally, it was also not a great week for me, and I often tend to spend more money when I’m upset, although I’ve apparently channeled that compulsion into grocery shopping. I am also trying to test out if smaller, more frequent grocery trips are better for us, since weekly shopping often means we throw out produce or meat.
I’m working on a) digging myself out of credit card debt and b) regulating my emotions, especially when it comes to my family. This particular stressor, and its effects on my finances, waxes and wanes throughout the year - birthdays and holidays tend to bring out the worst in both. However, even with the debt, I still feel like I am pretty financially stable (definitely more so in comparison to where I was as a kid, teen, and younger adult).
Thanks for reading 😼 Let me know if you have any questions!
submitted by nightmarewoman to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]
I wrote a money diary in October 2022. Since then, my boyfriend P. has been upgraded to fiance (we are getting married in July!) and my beloved Trash Cat has had enucleation surgery (we now call the vet “The Eye Snatcher”). I still work as a technology specialist in higher education. In December 2023, I discovered HR input my salary wrong when I first started my current job—the contract I signed stated my salary as $65,000, but they input it as $60,000. I got a hefty portion of back pay. I am currently making about $67,000/year.
P. and I still split expenses 50/50 (somewhat imperfectly) and do not have any combined accounts. We input shared expenses into this spreadsheet and then settle the difference once a month. His salary is about $75,000. He recently cashed out about $15,000 from a 529 plan he never used (he didn’t go to college) and will be creating a CD ladder with this money to save for a down payment.
ASSETS & DEBT
Retirement balance: $6,542.66 in my 403(b) and $2,688.03 in my Roth IRA. In my last money diary, I felt guilty about my retirement balance because I didn’t really start until the age of 25 and for a year my contributions went uninvested. I feel much better about it now. This summer, I’ll qualify for employer-matched contributions to my 403(b), which will improve my progress even more.
Equity: maybe one day????
Savings account balance: $1,291.23 in an emergency fund, $160.32 in a recently-started down payment fund.
Checking account balance: $3,052.37
Credit card debt: $4,651 on credit card 1, $0 on credit card 2. Unfortunately, I’ve had 3 major setbacks in recent months: Trash Cat’s surgery ($2,200), new tires/maintenance on my car ($2,300), and an unexpected hotel stay when P.’s nephew passed away just before Christmas ($1,000). P. and I split Trash Cat’s surgery and the hotel stay, so the total I’ve put on my card in recent months is $3,900. I was down to about $800 in debt prior to all this fun stuff.
Student loan debt: $75,000 in public loans for a bachelor’s degree in Education and a master’s degree in English. This was technically a “bad choice” because I did use my loans for living expenses during grad school, but I honestly do not regret it. I LOVED grad school, even though most of it happened online due to the pandemic, and I sincerely believe it made me a better, more thoughtful, and empathetic person. Since the university I work for now is a certified non-profit organization, I will eventually qualify for PSLF if I stay here or within the field of accredited higher education.
Car debt: I owe $2,754 on my Toyota.
INCOME
Income progression: I have worked steadily at part-time jobs since age 16. I’ve been in educational tech for 3 years; my starting salary was $18/hour as a customer service associate, which was around $42,000 annually with overtime. When I started my current job almost 2 years ago, my salary jumped to $65,000 (which ended up being funky, see ABOUT ME above). My current salary, after it was adjusted and I received a 3% raise, is now $67,000.
Monthly take-home pay: $3,355.90 after deductions
Side gig income: None. I quit tutoring because I started taking night classes back in the fall.
Parental Support: As I mentioned in my money diary last year, my parents contributed about $22,000 to rent/car expenses during my “adult” (college) life. My dad is also paying for our wedding “reception,” which is a private dinner at a restaurant for 15 people (estimated cost $5,000). I hinted heavily at Financial Trauma in my last diary, an issue I’ve mostly overcome thanks to my incredible therapist. I might write a more detailed post on healing Financial Trauma and my experience with it…let me know if you’d be interested in reading something like that :)
EXPENSES
Rent: $787.50 (P. and I split rent 50/50; our total rent is $1,575)
Renter’s & car insurance: $1,321/year, which averages out to $110.83/month (not split).
Health insurance: $394.46/month before tax for health and dental. Once P. and I get married, I am hopping on his insurance.
Retirement contribution: $257.50/month pre-tax into my 403(b). I also transfer $50/month into a Roth IRA.
Savings contribution: $200/month to emergency fund, $50/month to down payment fund
Debt payments: $260/month for my car payment, $60/month for my student loan payment (this is wildly low because I am on an income-driven repayment plan. Due to the ongoing Federal Battles, I have not had to recertify my income, so this payment is based on my 2019 income. I also pay at least $500/month towards my credit card debt. Since this is a three paycheck month (and my third paycheck will be a “deduction holiday”), I am paying $1,000 towards it this month. P. does not contribute towards my debt.
Utilities: P. and I split internet, water, electricity, and trash evenly: usually about $175/month for my half, $350 total.
Cellphone: $65/month (we each pay for our own phones).
Subscriptions: Spotify for $10.99/month, Hulu for $7.99/month, Monarch (web budgeting app) for $50/year (this is a discounted price; it will jump to $80/year next year). None of these expenses are split.
Gym membership: $36/monthly for gym membership; $500/quarter for personal training (not split).
Pet expenses: P. and I split this expense; generally $100/month for my half, $200/month total.
Therapy: $25/week (not split).
MONEY DIARY
DAY 1: FRIDAY
😴 7 AM: P. shakes me awake. I reluctantly get up, go to the bathroom, and change into leggings and a sweater dress. After I give Trash Cat his morning medicine, I kiss P. goodbye and I’m out the door. I listen to the Sinisterhood podcast on my drive to work and try to stop for coffee, but the drive-thru line is backed up into the street and causing traffic, so I skip it.
💄8 AM: I put on my makeup in the bathroom at work; this has become my new routine since I was diagnosed with sleep apnea because the extra few minutes of sleep are now a medical necessity. I use Covergirl skinmilk foundation, elf lash and roll mascara, and elf instant brow pencil. Sometimes I use elf lip stain (big elf fan over here) but don’t bother today.
😈 9 AM: I meet with the university’s academic technology team to help them set up a feedback survey for a new grading tool they piloted this semester. We also bitch a little about some difficulties we’ve had this week with faculty. An important thing to know about me is that I am a hater to my innermost core.
🥪12 PM: After spending most of the morning replying to emails, updating tickets, and watching budgeting videos on YouTube, I realize I forgot my lunch at home. Since digging myself back into credit card debt, I’ve made a conscious effort to bring my lunch to work and spend less on convenience food, so I’m pretty annoyed with myself. A quick trip to the library cafe yields a turkey sub, a green smoothie, and a giant cookie ($14.47). I eat at my desk while making some money moves (it’s payday!). $200 goes to my credit card to cover my therapy copay and the pair of Hokas I bought my mom for her birthday earlier this week. I also transfer $500 to my savings account. $214.47
👣5 PM: I pack up and make the short drive over to my friend’s apartment. It was a spectacularly unproductive day; if I’m being honest, I’ve been feeling burnt out and need a break, but I’m trying to save my vacation days for our wedding. My friend and I walk around one of my favorite neighborhoods in the city and catch up. We also go to Whole Foods before she heads to the gym. I grab some specialty canned beans, tofu, tortilla chips, Chomps, and some Poppi sodas ($35.23).
🐱8 PM: I eat one of my favorite lazy meals for dinner—refried beans mixed with quinoa, salsa verde, and shredded cheese with tortilla chips—and watch a few episodes of Home Economics on Hulu. I get sucked into TikTok for a little while before brushing my teeth and taking my meds. I go to bed around 10:30 PM while snuggling Trash Cat.
Daily Total: $249.70
DAY 2: SATURDAY
🚿 8:30 AM: Quick shower before changing into a blue sundress and a white button up. I do my makeup and feed Trash Cat. I’m out the door a little past 9 AM to head to book club.
📚10 AM: This month, we’re having book club at an adorable little tea room. We read Romancing Mr. Bridgerton and obviously love a ✨theme✨ so the four of us spend an hour talking about the book, eating tiny finger sandwiches, and drinking approximately 5 gallons of tea. One of my good friends from grad school, R., started this book club a few months ago and it has been such a joy to get together with awesome women on a regular basis. We also commiserate over family problems—R does a dramatic reading of an outrageous text from my dad before we go our separate ways ($38.10).
💍12 PM: I received an email yesterday from our jeweler that my wedding ring is done and realize I’m much closer to the jewelry shop than I am to home. I call P. to ask if he’d be okay with me picking it up. He is. I swing by the shop and try on my ring; it is so beautiful and fits perfectly! I wear it on my drive home and can’t stop admiring it. P. put down $400 when we met with the jeweler a few months ago, so I pay $821.88 to take it home. P. sends me that exact amount on Venmo. (technically, I pay nothing).
😵2 PM: I eat more of my refried bean lazy meal and watch some episodes of The Rookie on Hulu. The rest of the day is spent fielding calls and texts from my sister, brother, and sister-in-law about my mother’s birthday dinner tomorrow. It is bringing up ✨trauma✨ for all of us.
😴9 PM: A very lazy night routine of brushing my teeth, taking off my makeup with a wipe, take my meds, and drinking water while listening to a podcast as I fall asleep.
Daily Total: $38.10
DAY 3: SUNDAY
🎁10:30 AM: Roll out of bed, make some Kodiak protein waffles, and call my youngest brother, who is 22. He and I are very close, but I still carry a lot of guilt about how much I couldn’t—and can’t—protect him from. I offer to pick out a gift for Mom “from him” since he has to head to the airport to retrieve our parents and he agrees.
🧀12 PM: I go to a gift shop in the next town over and pick out a pair of gold vermeil earrings. They’re $225. I buy them and tell my brother to Venmo me $175 (so technically I spend $50). After, I pop over to Wegmans, which is in the same shopping plaza, and pick up quesadillas, seltzers, fried rice, and spicy chicken for lunch ($41.55 total, $20.77 for my half). $70.77.
🧼1 PM: P. and I eat lunch on the couch while watching YouTube. Afterwards, I channel my irritation into cleaning the apartment. I vacuum, swiffer, put away dishes, and wipe down the bathroom. P. takes out the trash and recycling and starts some laundry.
🍾4 PM: We meet my other brother (I have two—this one is also younger but closer in age to me, 27) and my sister-in-law at a bar to pregame for Mom's birthday dinner. Is this healthy? Probably not. Does it work? Yes. I pay for all our drinks ($112.02)
🙄5 PM: Dinner time. A bunch of my aunts and uncles are there, too, so we sit at the “kid’s table” with my siblings and one of my cousins. I order Jameson and ginger and a fancy cheeseburger. Maybe it’s the liquid courage, or the fact I went into this with extraordinarily low expectations, but I have a surprisingly good time…until my dad starts to fight with the waitress about separate checks for the separate tables. He didn’t mention it at the beginning of the meal, and considering we have 17 people at three different tables, the waitress understandably says no. It gets to the point where my brother just hands her his credit card to put an end to it. He doesn’t tell me how much the total bill is; P. and I venmo him $100 each ($100).
🍋7 PM: The fun isn’t over! We head back to my parents’ house for cake and presents. I eat lemon cake with ice cream and give my mom the Hokas I bought her earlier in the week. She loves the earrings from my brother, and he thanks me for helping him.
💤11 PM: We finally leave. I fall asleep on the way home. I thank P. for being such a supportive partner, take my meds, and promptly fall asleep again.
Daily total: $282.79
DAY 4: MONDAY
🤕8 AM: I make it out of bed and over to the computer. I respond to emails, update a few tickets, and purchase a knee brace from Amazon ($24.01). I LOVE going to the gym and I’m trying to lose weight for health reasons, but the past few days my left knee has been stiff and achy to the point that it hurts to go up and down the stairs. I have a doctor’s appointment this week so I can tell my primary care physician then, but I want to go for a walk to clear my head. I drink a Liquid IV.
🍜11 AM: P. picks up brunch from one of our favorite local restaurants. Their biscuits and gravy bowl is incredible. ($27.58 total, $*13.79 *for my half).
🥟4 PM: I jump in the car and run to Petsmart to pick up pill pockets and food for Trash Cat. Even though he came from a dumpster, he has decided he’ll only eat the fancy cat food. ($64.78 total, $32.39 **for my half). Then I go to Wegmans for some more groceries: tomatoes, cucumbers, frozen dumplings, lettuce, seltzer, onions, brussel sprouts, and turkey burgers. ($68.22 total, $34.11 **for my half).
🍅6 PM: P. and I eat dinner while watching the John Oliver episode on libraries (stop banning books, losers!!!!). It’s one of our other favorite lazy meals: quinoa with fancy canned beans with chopped up peppers, onions, and tomatoes. I drink a seltzer with dinner and then do some chores and take a shower.
🦷10 PM: Stayed up later than I meant to scrolling TikTok and Reddit. Whoops! I brush my teeth and turn off the lights.
Daily total: $104.30
DAY 5: TUESDAY
🧇8 AM: Roll out of bed and walk 5 steps to my computer. After checking email and signing in, I make protein waffles for breakfast and put on my new knee brace that was delivered last night.
💩10 AM: I take a quick break from writing technical documentation to fold some laundry and tidy up the kitchen. I give Trash Cat some treats and clean out the litterbox. He is a stinky boy.
👨💻1:30 PM: I run a meeting with my boss and grandboss about the documentation project I’m currently spearheading. We are migrating into a new (and easier) documentation system, which means I need to export, update, and organize all our current documentation. They’re both pleased with my progress and the next goals I’ve outlined. Maybe I am good at my job? Afterwards, I eat some refried beans with tortilla chips and a seltzer.
🤬4:30 PM: I get a very rude email from a faculty member saying he cannot access a file a student shared with him (and grades are due tonight). He sends me a screenshot and it turns out…he’s clicking the wrong button. I explain the correct steps and attach the student’s file, but I’m so agitated that I sign out early and go for a walk. The weather is beautiful, and I try not to think about the email, but I keep stewing over it. The worst part of working in higher ed is the entitlement - I am often treated like “the help” by the Impossibly Busy Big Brained Professors Who Don’t Have Time For Glitches (FYI, glitches do not care whether you have time for them or not).
📱6 PM: P. and I eat leftovers of our fancy canned bean bowls for dinner and feed Trash Cat. I numb out by scrolling for about 3 hours.
🙄9 PM: I go to bed, but keep thinking about that damn email and then beat myself up for being so sensitive and giving that professor so much of my mental energy off the clock.
Daily total: $0
DAY 6: WEDNESDAY
🥯7 AM: Get out of bed, throw some clothes into my gym bag, get dressed, and run out the door. I stop at Dunkin on the way to work to get an iced coffee and some stuffed bagel minis ($5.45).
🧘♀️10 AM: I log into my virtual therapy appointment from my office and talk for 40 minutes straight about everything I am struggling with: my routine is out of whack thanks to my mom’s dinner; I’m mad at my parents, my sister, and my job; my knee is killing me so I can’t work out; I have been a shitty partner and cat mom this week; I am scrolling to numb out instead of reading or relaxing in a meaningful way. My therapist helps me come up with an action plan. I put my phone on bedtime mode to turn it to black and white, make plans with P. for a cozy date night at home this weekend, and bookmark a few jobs to apply for. She reminds me I am a supportive sister and partner and relationships are not 50/50 every single day. We end with a meditation about releasing anger.
☁️11 AM: I meet with a staff member in admissions over Zoom to discuss file back-up in preparation for his new computer. He is actually already synced to our cloud system, meaning that all files are backed up, so the meeting is easy. He asks a few questions about the cloud system and how it works and also provides feedback on some of the tools he feels need guidelines or best practices for usage.
📽️12 PM: Lunch is the last of the fancy bean bowl leftovers and a seltzer (I am a creature of habit). While I eat, I watch budgeting videos on YouTube. I get an email that my credit card has been charged for my therapy copay ($25).
🙃3 PM: I meet virtually with a professor who is, technologically speaking, extremely high-need. I watch her rename and organize files for about an hour. Inevitably, she moves them to the wrong place, accidentally deletes the entire file name, etc. On the bright side, she is very sweet and appreciative of my guidance.
💪4:45 PM: I duck out early to drive to the gym. I let my trainer know what is going on with my knee, so we decide to hit upper today. I only started weightlifting in November and I’ve found I love it so much I am willing to shell out for personal training. After doing my best not to side-eye the men with terrible form (if you need to use your knees to complete a bicep curl, the weight is too heavy), I stretch out and grab dinner from Qdoba: a chicken bowl for me and a steak burrito for P ($24.66 total, $*12.33 *for my half).
🤙7 PM: I call my youngest brother while eating dinner. He is the only one living at home with my parents and needs to vent about what’s going on. I do my best to validate his feelings and remind him he can stop by our apartment whenever he needs to. I wish I could do more.
🚿8 PM: I pack my Qdoba leftovers for lunch, take a shower, and crawl into bed with some sleepy tea and a book.
Daily total: $42.78
DAY 7: THURSDAY
🦶5:30 AM: P. wakes me up by tickling my feet. It is not enjoyable, but it is highly effective. I grab my leftovers and head to the gym.
🚲7 AM: I finish up my cardio workout on the bike, take a quick shower, and change into my work clothes. It’s a little unfair that exercise actually does make you feel better. On the way to work, I stop at Dunkin for iced coffee again but resist getting a snack ($3.31).
🥤9 AM: My morning work consists of emails, tickets, and updating some website pages. I also find a job listing on LinkedIn at another university which is a step up from my current position. A quick look at Glassdoor shows it has a higher employee satisfaction rating than the institution where I work now, and the salary range for this position is at least $10k higher than my current salary. I spend a bit of time fine-tuning my resume and drafting a cover letter while researching the university. It has a much nicer fitness center and a smoothie bar? I know, I know, the grass is always greener…
📚10 AM: Quick walk over to the library for an appointment with the archival specialist. We discuss how to back up her files in preparation for her new computer. She gives me a tour of the rare book collection - first editions of Jane Eyre and David Copperfield, plus a copy of the Nuremberg Chronicle from the fifteenth century. Very cool. For about five minutes, I consider going back to school to get a master’s degree in library science.
🌶️11 AM: Early lunch of my Qdoba leftovers, tortilla chips, and seltzer since I didn’t have breakfast.
🖥️2 PM: I meet with my manager to discuss the documentation project and a new hire initiative in collaboration with HR. The spring semester is officially over, so we have more time on our hands to do some maintenance, clean-up, and proactive support.
🧀5 PM: Work is over! I stop at the grocery store to buy brie, crackers, oat milk, toilet paper, paper towels, and a cup of macaroni. My period is coming and I always crave cheese ($49.55 total, $*24.77 *for my half).
🍴6 PM: P. and I eat a dinner of brie, crackers, and brussel sprouts while watching a few cooking videos on YouTube. We talk about how “emotionally charged” I’ve been for the past few days (P. uses the phrase—he never, ever calls me crazy, irritable, moody, etc.). Eating cheese makes me feel better. Trash Cat and I watch a few episodes of Brooklyn 99.
💊8 PM: Quick shower, meds, and podcasts. I start to doze off.
📞9:30 PM: My brother calls me. I’m confused and groggy, so I miss the call but text him immediately asking if everything is okay. He lets me know he will be fine and I promise to call him tomorrow. It takes me a little while longer to fall asleep; P. comes to bed around 10 PM for cuddles.
Daily total: $28.08
WEEKLY TOTALS (edited)
Total Spent: $745.45
Food + Drink: $375.95
Fun / Entertainment: $38.10
Home + Health: $49.01
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transport: $0
Credit card: $200
Gift: $50
Pets: $32.39
REFLECTION
This was an above-average spending week for me with my mom’s birthday. Emotionally, it was also not a great week for me, and I often tend to spend more money when I’m upset, although I’ve apparently channeled that compulsion into grocery shopping. I am also trying to test out if smaller, more frequent grocery trips are better for us, since weekly shopping often means we throw out produce or meat.
I’m working on a) digging myself out of credit card debt and b) regulating my emotions, especially when it comes to my family. This particular stressor, and its effects on my finances, waxes and wanes throughout the year - birthdays and holidays tend to bring out the worst in both. However, even with the debt, I still feel like I am pretty financially stable (definitely more so in comparison to where I was as a kid, teen, and younger adult).
Thanks for reading 😼 Let me know if you have any questions!
2024.05.10 14:17 TrueLegolas Seeking help
 | Hello guys, this is a Chinese 139qmb engine. I ran into an issue after roughly 500km since I bought it. When I let it idle when it’s warm(stop sign, lights etc) and then pull throttle I get 1-2secs of this sound and no power then take off. Happened to me at first in a rain when I drove to MOT then again now after rain so I assume it might have something to do with wet condition. Things that I have done-valve lash adjustment(was too loose), new carb, fuel, fuel and vacuum lines including fuel filter, new spark, new oils, new petcock(old one was slightly leaking into vacuum hose), battery, filter box, new knee and seal between carb and an engine. Previous owner had very rich setting on a carb on both idle and needle( idle 5 turns, needle on max) plug was dry and black and exhaust dirty as hell from carbon buildup. There is one more thing and it’s bent exhaust which I suspect might be a cause of this together with carbon mess, can this be causing some back pressure possibly overheating etc?condition is worse when I richen fuel mix on the neeele and gets little better when I lean it out. It is a 4 stroke. Pic of the pipe down below. Thanks for your tips. submitted by TrueLegolas to scooters [link] [comments] |
2024.05.10 06:16 MotoProto77 2018 r1m no start/rough start after valve service
2018 Yamaha r1m, recently tore it down for the 25k valve service. checked all valves cold and per the service manual. had to adjust the lash on 4 valves. reinstalled camshafts and put everything back in time per the service manual. it turns over slowly and will only start if i play with the throttle and immediately dies when i let off the throttle past 25* of rotation on the throttle. runs ok when warmed up and hesitates/wants to die below 4k rpms. all vacuum hoses and connectors are plugged in and no error codes. battery voltage was 13v and i replaced the battery and the regulatorectifier. what else am i missing. Attached is a video r1
submitted by MotoProto77 to MotorcycleMechanics [link] [comments]
2024.05.10 03:08 Tuuubbs Lifan125 tapping
 | Adjusted valve lashing to .003 for the intake and .005 for the exhaust and now I have a consistent tapping. Both adjuster nuts are still tight. submitted by Tuuubbs to Pitbike [link] [comments] Trying to ride my ‘72 Trail90 (with a lifan) at my cabin this weekend. |
2024.05.08 19:50 diet_dr_kelpp Oil Leak with Mower Help
Bought a mower heavily discounted yesterday, Lowe's employee told me the previous owner noticed an oil leak at the bottom. They took it to the manufacturer since it was under warranty but they didn't find anything wrong with it.
I left it overnight under cardboard but didn't see any oil drip. The only thing found was smeared oil residue around the bottom center of the mower. It collected a tiny bit on top of the blades. I cleaned the bottom to see if it's easier to spot the leak but no luck.
Could it be a seal or did the previous owner just overfilled the oil?
Model engine is Briggs & Stratton 09P7020293F1, Toro 21" Recycler Self Propelled mower
submitted by diet_dr_kelpp to smallengines [link] [comments]
I left it overnight under cardboard but didn't see any oil drip. The only thing found was smeared oil residue around the bottom center of the mower. It collected a tiny bit on top of the blades. I cleaned the bottom to see if it's easier to spot the leak but no luck.
Could it be a seal or did the previous owner just overfilled the oil?
Model engine is Briggs & Stratton 09P7020293F1, Toro 21" Recycler Self Propelled mower
2024.05.08 19:47 diet_dr_kelpp Oil Leak Help
 | Bought a mower heavily discounted yesterday, Lowe’s employee told me the previous owner noticed an oil leak at the bottom. They took it to the manufacturer since it was under warranty but they didn’t find anything wrong with it. submitted by diet_dr_kelpp to lawnmowers [link] [comments] I left it overnight under cardboard but didn’t see any oil drip. The only thing found was smeared oil residue around the bottom center of the mower. It collected a tiny bit on top of the blades. I cleaned the bottom to see if it’s easier to spot the leak but no luck. Could it be a seal or did the previous owner just overfilled the oil? Model engine is Briggs & Stratton 09P7020293F1, Toro 21” Recycler Self Propelled mower |
2024.05.08 14:19 Hashtaeg Dealer maintenance package worth it?
 | I’ve had a 10th gen hatch for two years as my first car and I just hit 32k miles on it. Still relatively new to car maintenance in general and wondering if this package is worth it. submitted by Hashtaeg to civic [link] [comments] I usually change my oil every 6 months or so at a local shop and I know I can replace the cabin and air filters myself, but wondering if this as an overall package is worth it for $900, or if I’m better off having a local shop do this work. |
2024.05.08 13:51 cocogate What older 250cc+ scooters are great rides and easy to maintain?
I'm about in the market for 1-2 new project bikes and motorcycles are obnoxiously expensive right now with the riding season so i'll probably look into a 125cc or bigger scoot.
Will be looking to buy them in slight to moderate disrepair, get em up to snuff & ride about for a while to sell.
With my motorcycle's valve adjustment coming up and me having never done it (and it being a 4cyl 16valve bike) im not sure ill get it done in a weekend so figured i could look for a project to use to commute to work then. A 125cc would be easiest but i got quite some highway so they wouldnt be the most fun, though manageable if its just for a week of sticking behind trucks.
What older (2000+) scoots that are somewhat common would you recommend i keep an eye open for? I've been looking at some honda 250's, burgman 400/650s etc as they can be found below 1k with some cosmetic damages.
Ideally id just fix it up, ride it for a while and then be able to sell it easily enough with little to no loss made besides the time invested.
edit: im from Belgium, Europe and it needs to be at least euro2 for emissions, preferably euro3, which most bikes should have from around 2005 someplace
submitted by cocogate to scooters [link] [comments]
Will be looking to buy them in slight to moderate disrepair, get em up to snuff & ride about for a while to sell.
With my motorcycle's valve adjustment coming up and me having never done it (and it being a 4cyl 16valve bike) im not sure ill get it done in a weekend so figured i could look for a project to use to commute to work then. A 125cc would be easiest but i got quite some highway so they wouldnt be the most fun, though manageable if its just for a week of sticking behind trucks.
What older (2000+) scoots that are somewhat common would you recommend i keep an eye open for? I've been looking at some honda 250's, burgman 400/650s etc as they can be found below 1k with some cosmetic damages.
Ideally id just fix it up, ride it for a while and then be able to sell it easily enough with little to no loss made besides the time invested.
edit: im from Belgium, Europe and it needs to be at least euro2 for emissions, preferably euro3, which most bikes should have from around 2005 someplace