Free ringtones for tbaytel

• I put all my ToDo tasks in my "inbox" and categorize them with tags.
• I use the TickTick calendar exclusively, I moved away from Google Calendar. I put birthdays, events, and special days in my Calendar list and set my calendar view to only show items from this calendar list. I know that I can sync Google Calendar but that functionality is limited.
• All recurring & one-time reminders go into my "Reminders" list. I don't want to see these in my calendar view. Ex: take out trash every Thursday, pay credit card bills, cancel XYZ subscription, etc. The "Later" list will include my low & no priority tasks.
• "Shopping" list for groceries which I shared with my wife.

It's easy to miss notification tones when you don't have your phone nearby so I have put a ringtone instead of a notification tone for high-priority tasks & events.
I created a custom "ToDo" filter that has my high, and medium-priority tasks and also my today's calendar events. Every morning, I glance at this to know what I need to do today. I wish they gave us an option to also include Habits here.
I also use a Pomo timer when I do some deep work. I usually add the deep work task and associate the Pomo timer with that task. This helps me understand how much time I spent on that particular task. I also use Pomo's white noise sounds when working.
This is how I use TickTick. I would love to hear about your TickTick setup, maybe I or someone else can get some inspiration from your setup, so feel free to share!

A quick note: PC emulation is not piracy. Meaningful part of PC-Android emulating community has it's own copies and files bought for their own money. Not to mention that most of them have them obviously from GOG, since they are making it easy with a DRM-Free policy, so emulation is actually a profitable friend of GOG's services. That's a response to one of the rules, so that my post wouldn't be taken down.
What do you think about an idea of GOG supporting Android gaming?
Phones are getting stronger and more capable with every day. It's possible now to emulate AC Black Flag and Rogue on Android in good fps. People are emulating TES: Morrowind all the time as well. And you'd be surprised by how many titles people are emulating or trying to emulate on Android. Check EmulationOnAndroid.
Android gaming is growing. You can see it because of how many people is looking for phones capable of good perfomance in games, and how many games are being emulated by people every day. There's certainly a very big bunch of people who can spend a week only to make a game work on their Android phone, and sometimes even longer. Recently someone tried to emulate RDR2... and they succeded, with low fps, but still. The Android Gaming market is screaming that phones are now ready to be a gaming platform, and there are consumers who would love a good service that could provide them the experience they want. On AndroidGaming, when people are recommending games, suprisingly high share of people is recommending games that you need to pay for on a Play Store. Because they know, that to have a good experience with no ads or mining trackers, you sometimes may have to pay. And they are doing it. Just look for game recommendations on the AndroidGaming subreddit, you'll see what I'm talking about. An example for the results is here.
We all know that GOG is good at porting older games, and optimizing them for newer hardware. There's so many old games that could be ported for Android and could work flawlessly with a native support and optimization. And making them DRM-Free and giving a good customer support? A dream, isn't it?
There's plenty of reasons why people don't want to buy games from Play Store. It may be a privacy concern, DRM, a scummy return policy, or even their lack of verification whether the software on their store is safe to use, and not filled with any malware. And some people just hate the store's search function (as mentioned here).
What about the extras? The extras may feel premium for a PC when you get wallpapers, some art, comic books and soundtracks, but can you imagine that on Android? People are looking for wallpapers of their beloved games all the time. And providing them for example with game-themed ringtones? I think that it's needless to say that mobile devices are simply dominating in music and e-reading markets. Give them game-themed comics, they would read it quicker than on a PC. Give them the original game soundtracks with additional tracks specially for them, and you have new purchases right there. There could even be people who would buy the games on GOG even though they would have them on other platform, because of the extras. These could play a big part in mobile sphere. Collections of these extras could be more convenient and useful on mobile than on PC.
GOG's business strategy is to be user-friendly. Being DRM-free, having a good return policy, giving the user extras that make the purchase feel premium, or even discounts that make their store the best place for sniping good deals, but most importantly, the love for gaming.
And that's what is lacking in the Android market. A service that cares. If you would investigate this market you'd know, that it is growing and people are more willing to buy games for phones with every year. Starting sooner may be a better option, than when other services would jump on the ship, because it's harder to thrive with a major competition. It's starting to be profitable. And we all know, that ports of games that are known as "good games for PC" are the ones that are bestselling in the Play Store. There's simply so many things with GOG that could revolutionize the mobile gaming and make it a well-known premium service. The more and better you think about it, the more it all fits together.
And obviously, all of the effort and trouble with emulating games, that could not even work with your method? GOG could make it easy by having porting deals with game-producing companies. And add to it a discount, you could be surprised by how many people would buy it as soon as they could.
Of course, it would not be easy. But what success and big idea is ever easy to accomplish?
That's my take on this subject. What do you all think?
Also, I will include Google's data (it's from 2021, so things could change over time) about Gaming worldwide for anyone who wants to see:
https://games.withgoogle.com/reports/insightsreport/
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Edit: providing some links to the sources.
Edit1: adding more examples
Edit2: I fixed the note, because I worded it in a way that could make it sound differently than I wanted.
Edit3: Added link to the Google's data about Gaming worldwide.

I'm looking for beta feedback on the standalone spinoff sequel to my published novel, Love on the D-List, which reviewers describe as "Emotional and laugh-out-loud funny."
Here is a brief description of the book:
After breaking up with his movie-star boyfriend and losing his record deal, Theo Young treats his band to a yoga retreat in the Catskill Mountains. The retreat was once owned by a famous psychic medium, but has recently been inherited by her scowling, taciturn, neurodivergent great-grandson, Aloysius. Aloysius was sent to live with his great-grandmother when he was nine. Now, at twenty-nine, he’s amazing at yoga, an accomplished pianist, and can see auras. However, he has no interest in sharing his gifts with clients. He much prefers to spend his time caring for the retreat’s herd of goats. But when a tall, lanky, blue-eyed rockstar—who might very be the soulmate Aloysius’s great-grandmother foretold—appears at the retreat and won’t shut up, Aloysius is forced to step out of his comfort zone and grab his destiny by the balls, literally.
Here is an excerpt of the prologue and first three chapter.
Prologue
Nine Years Earlier
Aloysius
Aloysius tried to focus on the woman waving the vial of chamomile in front of his face, but his attention kept being drawn back to the young man in line behind her. He wasn’t sure why, though. There was nothing particularly striking about the man. Technically, he wasn’t a man at all. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen or seventeen.
He was unusually tall and skinny, like a sunflower, and just as top heavy. His face was all teeth and blue eyes, though those were hidden behind black-rimmed glasses. And while he was handsome in a goofy sort of way, his friend, the one in line behind him, was the more attractive of the two. Instead of pale skin and sharp elbows, he had tan, muscular biceps and thick forearms.
But like Aloysius, he too seemed mesmerized by the tall, awkward teen. His eyes never left the boy’s narrow back. But whether the heat in his gaze was fueled by anger or attraction, Aloysius couldn’t say. Perhaps both.
There were two girls in line with them and another young man, a much shorter one. Aloysius envied them. He’d never had friends before.
One of the girls said something, and they all looked at her and laughed, which gave Aloysius an opportunity to glimpse the blue-eyed boy’s aura. There was nothing special about that, either. It was red and gold with a bit of indigo near his crown chakra.
“What does this do?” the woman asked. “I thought chamomile was just a kind of tea you drank before bed.”
“It can be,” Aloysius replied, regretting coming on this adventure with his great-grandmother. He was no good at talking to people. He preferred animals. “Chamomile is often found in teas, tinctures, and massage oils. It's both an anxiolytic and an antidepressant.”
“Oh, how much?”
“Fifty dollars.”
“For this little thing?”
“Yes.”
The woman set the vial down and picked up a bundle of sage.
Aloysius felt his gaze drifting back to the blue-eyed boy again and busied himself rearranging the selenite crystals, aligning them with the Earth’s magnetic field. There was no spiritual significance to this action, but Aloysius was twenty now, and he shouldn’t be ogling teenage boys.
Aloysius felt simultaneously relieved and hollow when the blue-eyed boy disappeared into the tent. The smaller one went with him, but the handsome one rejoined the girls, loudly voicing his disdain for all things metaphysical while shooting Aloysius accusing glares. Didn’t these people realize how lucky they were to be in Eve’s presence? People traveled from all over the world to see her. And she rarely left the retreat.
The only reason she’d come here—a three hour drive—was because the fair was for charity and run by her boyfriend, Teddy Holiday. Teddy said it didn’t count as a road trip, though, because they didn’t need to stop for gas. Aloysius had always wanted to go on a road trip. But he hated being apart from Eve, and she hated being apart from her home, so they almost never left.
“Aloysius,” Eve called from inside the tent, “Come here, please.”
Aloysius’s stomach swooped. It wasn’t uncommon for Eve to seek his advice. Despite being a famous psychic medium, she couldn’t see auras like he could, a skill Aloysius’s great-grandfather had also possessed in his time. But the thought of purposefully staring at the blue-eyed boy made Aloysius's heart race like a rabbit caught in a snare.
He stepped into the red velvet tent, which Eve normally used for shade when she painted in the yard, and froze. The two young men were facing away from him, looking at Eve, and it took Aloysius all of half a second to become mesmerized by the blue-eyed boy’s tangle of dark, wavy hair, wondering what it would feel like to run his hand through it.
Eve cleared her throat, and Aloysius looked up at her. She was the only adult he’d ever met with a white aura. It was quite common in infants, as they’d yet to develop an attachment to the material world. But it was basically unheard of in adults. Eve, though, wasn’t like most adults. Her connection to the spirit world was unparalleled. And right now, her aura wasn’t just white. It was glowing.
He followed her gaze down to the cards on the table. At first, he didn’t see what the big deal was. But then it hit him. Two years ago, on his eighteenth birthday, he’d seen these same five cards laid out in this exact same arrangement. The Moon, reversed. The Page of Swords, upright. The Knight of Swords, upright. The Ten of Swords, reversed. And, lastly, the Lovers, upright. It couldn’t be, though. This had to be a coincidence. How many five-card arrangements could there be?
Aloysius started building the algorithm in his head, but his brain short-circuited when the blue-eyed boy turned and looked up at him. Aloysius took a step back and tripped over a box. He tried to catch himself on the tent wall, but the red velvet slipped through his fingers, and he landed on the trampled-down grass with a loud thud.
He jumped to his feet just as the blue-eyed boy asked, “Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, Aloysius turned and bolted from the tent.
Chapter 1
Present Day
Theo
Theo tried to stay in the moment, but it was hard with Ryan blowing up his phone and Brady grunting above him like a tennis player. He never should’ve given Ryan his own ringtone.
“Shut that fucker off.” Sweat dripped off Brady’s brow and landed on Theo’s chest in fat, hot dollops.
Theo was tempted to toss his phone in the fish tank. But it was waterproof, and Mr. Bubbles, his goldfish, didn’t appreciate foreign objects in his personal space. Theo silenced it instead.
He considered telling Brady he wasn’t in the mood to fuck anymore, but he could tell Brady was close, so he finished himself off, and Brady followed suit thirty seconds later.
“Why is that asshole calling you? I thought he needed space before he was ready to be your friend again.” Brady said space like it was a racist slur.
“How should I know?” Theo slid out from under Brady and headed for the bathroom.
Theo hadn’t talked to Ryan since they’d broken up back in April. Theo had wanted to stay friends—best friends, even—but Ryan had wanted space. Now, Ryan was dating his beautiful and talented co-star, Mia Malone. Not that Theo was bitter or anything. He wasn’t. He was happy for Ryan.
Brady slid into the shower behind Theo. “He wants to get back together, doesn’t he?”
Theo scoffed. “I highly doubt that.” According to the tabloids, Ryan and Mia were madly in love. Granted, the tabloids were almost always wrong.
“You’re a terrible liar. Why don’t you just marry him and get it over with?” Brady held his hand out for the soap.
If Theo didn’t know better, he’d think Brady was jealous. And maybe that was part of it. But the real issue was that Brady hated Ryan, and not just for breaking Theo’s heart with his all-or-nothing ultimatum. According to Brady, Ryan was literally the most boring person to ever exist. If he weren’t the hottest twink alive, no one would give two shits about him.
“Stop asking questions you already know the answers to,” Theo said, stepping out of the spray so Brady could take a turn.
Ryan had been the perfect boyfriend, loyal, sweet, attentive, and fun. And one day, he’d make some lucky man or woman the perfect husband. It just wouldn’t be Theo.
Theo didn’t do forever. He couldn’t be someone’s everything. Ryan, on the other hand, was just about as heteronormative as his and hers towels. He wanted it all, the house, the spouse, the kids, and the cheesy stocking stuffers. And while, in theory, he supported the right to love in unconventional ways—open relationships, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, etc—he was firmly on team monogamy. In fact, he was the captain of team monogamy.
Theo had tried to reason with him. Don’t you wanna fully experience your bisexuality while still growing our relationship? Missing the point entirely, Ryan had responded, I said I’d top you. You just have to give me time to get into character.
Ryan had been Theo’s celebrity crush since before Theo had hair on his balls, which was probably why, when the opportunity had presented itself, Theo had slightly oversold how versatile he was. But that hadn’t been why he’d suggested opening their relationship—not really. It hadn’t been about satisfying his own needs, but about ensuring Ryan got the happily ever after he deserved, the happily ever after Theo was in no position to promise him.
Early-onset familial Alzheimer's disease—a rare form of Alzheimer’s caused by a gene mutation—ran in Theo’s family. His grandfather had had it and so had his father. But his uncle had been spared the mutated gene. It was only passed down fifty percent of the time.
In other words, Theo’s life was a coin toss. He could live to be an old man or he could start succumbing to the disease as soon as his early thirties.
He’d promised his father he wouldn’t get tested for the gene unless he had a compelling reason to, like he wanted to have kids or something. His father had gotten the test and had regretted it. He had believed that life was better left a mystery and had wanted Theo to live out his days with hope, even if those days came with a generous helping of uncertainty and dread.
But Theo had broken his promise to his father less than two years later when Robert, the actor playing Theo’s grandfather in the movie based on their lives, pulled some strings and arranged to get Theo tested anonymously. You don’t ever have to open the results if you don’t want to, Robert had said. But this way, it will be your choice, and you won’t have to worry about screwing yourself out of health and life insurance.
That was exactly what Theo had done, gotten the test and not opened the results. He’d planned to never tell anyone he’d gotten the test, not wanting them to know he’d broken his promise to his father, but he’d gotten baked on Alaskan Thunderfuck one night and confessed everything to his two best friends, Brady and Raj.
A lot of people in Theo’s position would live in constant fear of dying, wondering how many Christmases and birthdays they had left. But not Theo. A fortune teller had once told him he’d live a long, happy life, and—as long as he didn’t think too much about the reliability of prophecy—he believed her. That was Theo’s general philosophy when it came to the future. It was best not to dwell on it. He preferred to live in the now. He was basically Eckhart Tolle.
But Ryan wasn’t built like that. And he wasn’t like Brady, either. Theo and Brady had been hooking up off and on since they were sixteen, and even though Brady was a jealous son-of-a-bitch sometimes, it was still easier to love him than Ryan. Brady never asked for more than Theo could give. Brady didn’t try to make Theo his home. He knew Theo was a swanky vacation rental at best.
Brady turned around to rinse the soap out of his ass crack. “Why don’t you just open the fucking envelope, then?”
“Didn’t I just tell you to stop asking questions you already know the answers to?”
“If Travis had known you were gonna spend your life high as fuck, pretending there was no such thing as the future, he’d have driven you to the doctor himself, and you know it. That’s why you got the test.”
“No, I got the test because Robert pulled a fuck-ton of strings and I didn’t wanna be rude.” That was sort of true. “And I have more important things to worry about right now than Ryan. Raj wants to become a banker. Digger wants to hire a songwriter. And Cam thinks we should start performing on cruise ships. Because that’s what we need right now, MRSA. I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be able to keep the band together.”
Theo’s band, Heirloom Tortoise, had recently lost their record deal. Their third album hadn’t just been poorly reviewed. It had been eviscerated. Saturday Night Live had even spoofed it with a sketch of them recording alongside a bunch of cats in heat. Their characters kept asking if it might sound better with fewer cats, but Christopher Walken kept assuring them that wasn’t the case. They just needed more cowbell. Worse still, Christopher Walken had been right. The album really could’ve used more cowbell.
“Funny you should mention that,” Brady said. “I think I have just the bonding experience you guys are looking for. Remember how I told you my team was going on that hippie yoga retreat in the Catskills next week? Well, we just landed this huge new client, so we’re not gonna be able to go, and it’s too late to get a refund. As you can imagine, my boss isn’t too happy about swallowing the expense. Which means, I bet I could get you the tickets at a discount. Think about it. What better way to rejuvenate and regroup than a week unplugged in the beautiful Catskill Mountains? Plus, you’d be doing me a huge favor. My boss fucking hates me. This will show her I can be just as much of a kiss-ass as everyone else. And you’ve got the money.” To emphasize his point, Brady gestured around Theo’s palatial bathroom, which was absurdly nice. In addition to being bigger than Brady’s apartment, it had a million dollar bathtub carved from a giant quartz crystal.
“It’s not my money,” Theo said, which was true.
“Ask Will, then.”
“I can’t ask Will for money again, not after he just built me a recording studio in the basement. Besides, can you imagine Raj meditating? He probably thinks chakras are bras for women with electrostimulation kinks.”
“Then dip into your trust fund. You wanna save the band, don’t you?”
“More like save your ass.”
“That, too.” Brady shut off the water and handed Theo a towel.
“Was that why you came over tonight?” Brady lived in the city and rarely made the trek out to The Hamptons, except during the summer.
“No, Colin and I are meeting for dinner tomorrow night, and—”
“And you wanted to get your dick wet one last time before getting back together.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“You don’t even like him.”
“I like him just fine. You’re the one who doesn’t like him.”
That was true. Theo didn’t like Colin. Colin was the worst. He hated when Theo and Brady hung out. He acted like all they did was fuck and talk shit about him behind his back. But they only did that when he and Brady were broken up. When they were together, there was only shit talking. Theo and Brady were a lot of things, but cheaters was not one of them.
After brushing his teeth, Theo crawled into bed and assumed his position as the little spoon. “Do you need me to set an alarm or anything?”
“Nah, I think I’ll stay for breakfast. What are you making me?”
“I don’t know. I think I have some frozen waffles in the freezer.”
Brady pinched Theo’s nipple. “Great. I’ll have that with a side of frittata.”
***
“Here, take Gabe so I can clean this up,” Uncle James said, thrusting the baby at Theo.
The second Gabe was in Theo’s arms, he started crying. Theo wasn’t sure why Gabe didn’t like him. It wasn’t like he’d ever dropped him on his head or stolen his binky. But it was just as well. His little cousin probably shouldn’t get too attached, anyway.
Theo stepped over Gabe’s breakfast, which was scattered across the kitchen floor, and set Gabe down in his playpen. Gabe stopped crying immediately and started pounding on the drum Theo had gotten him for Arbor Day.
“Is Brady still here?” Uncle James asked.
“Yeah, he’s upstairs.” Theo opened the fridge and started pulling out ingredients for a spinach, mushroom, and feta frittata. “He’s trying to unload these tickets his firm bought to some yoga retreat. He thinks it will be a good bonding experience for the band.”
Uncle James was no fool. He knew exactly where this was going. “We just built you a friggin’ state-of-the-art recording studio in the basement. We’re not paying for you to go get high at some ashram in Nepal.”
“It’s a yoga retreat, not an ashram. And it’s in the Catskills, not Nepal. Besides, I didn’t even ask you guys.”
“Didn’t ask us what?” Will said, scooping Gabe up out of his playpen.
“Theo wants us to bankroll a trip to some hippie yoga retreat upstate,” Uncle James said.
“I do not. I was just telling you Brady was trying to unload the tickets so he could impress his boss. The fact that the band is this close to breaking up and could really use some spiritual guidance is merely a coincidence. Though, some would say, there are no such things as coincidences.”
“Did you talk to Ryan last night?” Will asked.
“No, why? Did he call you, too?”
“No, Andy did.”
Theo hated everyone knowing his business before him. “I wasn’t in the right mental space to talk to Ryan last night. What does he want?”
“I think you need to hear it from him,” Will said.
“Why? He probably just feels bad about our album bombing and wants to help. But I’m sick of being Ryan’s charity case. I wanna do this on my own.”
Uncle James dropped the highchair tray in the sink. “Yet you have no problem asking us to foot the bill just so you can go do headstands on a rock in the woods.”
“Raj wants to be a banker,” Theo said. “Is that what you want, another asshole who cranks up the radio every time NPR Marketplace comes on? And if Cam gets her way, we’re gonna start playing the cruise circuit. We’ll probably get MRSA and pass it on to Gabe.”
“Well, we wouldn’t want that, now, would we?” Will said, chuckling. “I think you should go. It might be nice to step out of the spotlight for a little while.”
“Really?” Theo hadn’t been expecting Will to say yes, at least not so quickly.
“Yes, but on one condition. Talk to Ryan before you go.”
Chapter 2
Aloysius
The sun was still below the horizon when Aloysius Byrne reached the summit. It was early October, and the Catskills were reaching peak fall foliage. But in the blue-black light of early morning, the maples were the dark maroon of garnet, and the golds and yellows of the ash and birch trees were sallow and muted.
Aloysius sat on a rock—Devonian shale—and waited for the sun to rise. He was hungry, so he opened his rusty Powerpuff Girls lunchbox, which contained an RC Cola, a Nutty Buddy, and a ziplock bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.
Kian, one of the yoga instructors and the closest thing Aloysius had to a friend, liked to say Aloysius was going to give himself diabetes, but Kian couldn’t even do eka hasta vrksasana, so who was he to judge how Aloysius fueled his body?
Aloysius didn’t normally have lunch for breakfast, but swapping the two meals seemed easier than hiking with milk and a box of Cap’n Crunch, Aloysius’s usual breakfast.
He removed half of the sandwich and put the rest back in his lunchbox. He ate the half in his hand, including the crust, and resisted the urge to open his can of soda. He’d drink it after he dumped the small vial of ashes.
The sun still wasn’t up, so he did some yoga, starting with eka hasta vrksasana, one-handed tree pose. He balanced on one hand and spread his legs above him. Aloysius knew the pose was meant to combine the elements of thought, light, and ether, but he spent most of the time thinking about Kian’s new tattoo, a black mandala om covering his left shoulder. Why did people do that to their bodies?
When the sun crested the mountains to the east, Aloysius switched to his other arm, closed his eyes against the prick of sunlight, and felt the warmth of a new day—Eve’s birthday—strike his face. After a while, he lowered himself back to the ground and watched the colors of the trees come to life.
Lit from below, the leaves took on the jeweled tones of precious gems. Aloysius liked crystals and gemstones. He had an extensive collection in his cabin. The yellows and golds of the ash and birch trees reminded him of citrine, a type of quartz. And the red maples had the vitreous luster of a spinel, which used to be considered a type of ruby before people knew better. Real rubies were the result of chromium impurities in corundum.
Aloysius knew it wouldn’t be long before Kian’s class arrived, so he pulled the stopper from the vial of Eve’s ashes and upended it. This was how Aloysius planned to spend all of Eve’s birthdays from now on, spreading bits of her in beautiful places. He expected the ashes to blow away poetically in the breeze. But instead, they settled in a small heap on the ground and soaked up the morning dew.
Aloysius returned to his throne of Devonian shale, sanitized his hands, and pulled out his Cool Ranch Doritos. Around him, the clearing looked almost as mystical as it was purported to be, covered in three feet of dense fog.
Three hundred and seventy-five million years ago, a meteor had crashed into the very spot Aloysius was sitting. Well, the very spot and one thousand three hundred twenty feet in every direction. The land was said to contain immense spiritual energy and had long been held sacred by the local Native American people—the Mohicans and Esopus. Aloysius, who could see auras and energy fields, found the place no more magical than any other mountain clearing. But he didn’t have the sight, not like his great-grandmother had had, so who was he to question the uniqueness of this place?
Eve Byrne had been revered in life. While some had called her a charlatan, most had considered her the most gifted intuitive of her generation. She’d made a lot of outlandish predictions in her lifetime, including telling Aloysius his soulmate was an awkward boy with skinny arms, blue eyes, and glasses. Most of her predictions—but not all—had come true.
There are no guarantees in life, Aloysius, she used to tell him. Sometimes, your soulmate dies before you meet them. Sometimes, they marry someone else. Sometimes, they ignore the omens and stay in the safe bubble of their ordinary lives.
It didn’t matter, though. Aloysius liked being alone. And he wasn’t alone, not really. He had his animals and his friends. Well, they weren’t technically his friends. They were his employees. But he still loved them, and they loved him.
He opened his can of RC Cola and was delighted to find the fizzy liquid inside as crisp as if he’d just taken it from his mini-fridge. Normally, when he packed food for a hike, the soda was as warm as cold tea by the time he drank it.
Muffled voices sounded from the trail behind Aloysius, so he quickly finished his soda and shoved the empty can and the rest of his Cool Ranch Doritos back inside his lunchbox. He fastened the lid and stood.
“Al, is that you?” Kian asked. “What are you doing up here?”
Kian’s crop of disciples trailed behind him—a handful of wealthy white women who found the yoga instructor dreamy, a couple of men who thought the same, and one guy who just wanted to do sun salutations on the sacred ground of an ancient meteor impact.
Kian wore a long-sleeved athletic shirt, yoga pants, and a beanie the same rusty amber as the chestnut oaks. He noticed the empty vial in Aloysius’s hands, and his eyes darted to the small pile of ashes at their feet. His mouth dropped open, and without saying a word, he wrapped Aloysius in a hug.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve come with you.” Kian’s normally orange and purple aura turned blue with sadness and empathy.
“I didn’t want you to come with me,” Aloysius said, not hugging Kian back. He didn’t particularly care for hugs.
“Stay for class,” Kian said. “I’ll say a prayer for Eve’s birthday and lead everyone in a guided meditation.”
Aloysius pulled away, ignoring the spicy scent of incense that clung to Kian’s skin and clothes. “I have to bring the goats down to the pond. The poison ivy is back. Then I need to feed the bees.”
“Well, let’s meet in the temple after lunch for a puja, then. I’ll tell Lakshmi and the others.”
Aloysius felt everyone staring at him. “Your class is waiting.”
Without another word, Aloysius turned and headed back down the trail. Once he was out of earshot, he opened his lunchbox and took out his Nutty Buddy.
Chapter 3
Theo
Theo couldn’t handle the silence anymore. Didn’t these assholes know that road trips were for bonding, not brooding? “Do you guys wanna hear the haiku I just wrote?”
“No,” Cam and Raj said at the same time. It wasn’t the answer Theo had been hoping for, but it was nice to hear Cam and Raj agree on something for a change.
“I’d love to hear your haiku,” Digger said. Theo could always count on Digger.
“Good, because I worked really hard on it.” Theo cleared his throat and made a poem up on the spot.
Goat hooves on your back
Gongs going smack smack smack smack
Yak butter up your crack
Theo wasn’t sure if they still used yak butter in Tibetan massage, or if they put it up your crack, but he knew poems were better when they rhymed and cracks were better when they were buttered. Plus, he wanted his friends to be as excited for the yoga retreat as he was. And what was more exciting than goats, gongs, and massages?
“If anyone touches my crack, it’ll be the last thing they do,” Raj said. As their lead singer, Raj was contractually obligated to be an angsty mother-fucker.
“That’s not a proper haiku,” Digger said. “You added a sixth syllable in the last line. But I still love it.”
Shit! Digger was right.
Theo’s phone chimed in his lap, and he glanced down at yet another text from Ryan. Please call me. It’s important.
Theo had planned to call Ryan on the drive up. But then he’d gotten high instead. I’m on my way to a yoga retreat in The Catskills, he texted back. They don’t allow phones or anything up here, so I’ll have to call you next week when we’re done. Then, because he didn’t want Ryan to think he was mad at him for taking space or for reaching out, he added, Miss you.
“What’s wrong with you?” Raj asked from the driver’s seat.
“Nothing.” Theo shut his phone off.
“You never called Ryan back, did you?”
“He’s the one who didn’t wanna talk to me for six months. It won’t kill him to wait a week.”
“I don’t give a fuck if you ever call him back.” Like Brady, Raj was not a member of the Ryan Ashbury fan club. As the stereotypical lead singer, Raj was used to being the center of attention. And with his big brown eyes, shiny black hair, and perpetual five o’clock shadow, he usually was. But whenever Ryan was around, Raj had to settle for being the second hottest guy in the room, and Raj didn’t like to settle.
“Yeah, but what if he’s calling because he wants to put another one of our songs on a soundtrack?” Cam asked. “Wait, do miniseries even have soundtracks?”
“I don’t think so,” Digger said.
The Dallaire siblings, despite sharing identical DNA, were as unique as snowflakes and nearly as white. Both of them were stunning blondes with irreverent senses of humor and a passion for smoking weed, but that was where their similarities ended. Camille (Cam for short) kept her hair long, like a Barbie doll, and Digger (born Juliette) kept theirs short, like Judi Dench. Cam was a cis woman. Digger was non-binary. Cam dressed like a fashion model. Digger dressed like a union worker, usually in some form of coveralls. Cam liked dick and drama. Digger was asexual and aromantic. But despite all of their differences, they made the greatest rhythm section ever. Cam played drums. Digger played bass. And together, they locked into the groove like they were the same person.
“I think this is it,” Raj said, turning up a winding gravel road.
Theo shoved his phone in his pocket and stared out the window. Beyond a wall of colorful trees lay a rocky field filled with—“Goats! Oh my god, they’re so fucking cute. I just wanna hug them.”
“And they’re not the only things I want to hug,” Cam said, ogling the flannel-clad man standing in the center of the field with them. “You see that, Raj? That’s a real man.”
“We talked about this,” Digger said. “Just because Raj doesn’t want to eat your muffin doesn’t mean he’s any less of a man.”
“I know. It means he’s gay.”
Raj flipped Cam off.
“Raj isn’t gay,” Theo said. “We’ve been naked together loads of times, and his dick hasn’t even so much as twitched.”
“Maybe he’s not into lanky twinks,” Cam said.
“That’s a valid point,” Digger agreed. “Maybe Raj is holding out for a leather daddy.”
“Fuck all of you,” Raj said. “There better be some hot-ass yoga instructor with a killer rack at this place or I’m not going to last more than a couple hours.”
“Don’t worry, there will be,” Theo assured him. “All yoga instructors are wicked hot. It’s like a cardinal rule or something.”
The woman who greeted them in the lobby was not wicked hot, though she probably had been fifty years ago. She looked to be in her early seventies, with long, silver hair and translucent gray eyes. Her name tag read, Diamond-Lill (she/hehers). “Look at you,” she said, eye-fucking Raj. “You’re even more handsome in person.”
Raj cleared his throat. “Uh, thanks.”
“Is this tea free?” Cam asked, standing in front of a giant wall of identical metal tea canisters.
“Yes, help yourself.”
The lobby was busy. Though, not with people. With art, mostly landscapes and nudes. Theo had expected sage green walls punctuated by the occasional leafy fern, maybe a bubbling fountain in the corner. Instead, every square inch of wall space, aside from the tea station, was covered in paintings, as if were Monet’s mother’s fridge.
“I’ve got you set up in The House of Swords,” Diamond-Lill said. She launched into a spiel about where and when meals were held, how to sign up for yoga classes and spa sessions, and the general rules of the place, things like not wearing strong perfumes or disturbing the wildlife. “We value the peace and privacy of our clients. That’s why we don’t allow cell phones or cameras of any kind. You’re welcome to go anywhere on the grounds. We just ask that you respect silent hours. And if Tom charges you, just hold your ground and maintain eye contact.”
“Who’s Tom?” Theo asked.
“He’s our turkey. He’s really quite sweet, but you know how turkeys are.”
Theo didn’t know shit about turkeys, except that they were inedible unless smothered in gravy, but he liked that this woman thought he did, so he didn’t contradict her.
“Is it too late to sign up for this goat yoga class?” Digger asked, holding open the brochure. “Raj has never done yoga before, and I think this will be the perfect way to break him in.”
“I’m not doing yoga in a pile of goat shit,” Raj said.
Ignoring Raj, Diamond-Lill smiled and said, “Here’s Lakshmi, now. Let’s ask her.”
A beautiful woman with shoulder-length chestnut hair stepped into the room and headed for the wall of tea.
“Lakshmi, I’d like to introduce you to our newest guests. These are the musicians I was telling you about. This is Raj, Theodore, Camille, and Digger. This is Lakshmi, one of our yoga therapists.”
“It’s nice to meet you all,” Lakshmi said with a kind smile.
Theo wasn’t into women, not even a little bit, but even he could see Lakshmi was beautiful, and not just physically. She had this warm, calming energy about her that reminded him of his kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Miller.
“They were wondering if you had space in your goat yoga class this afternoon,” Diamond-Lill said.
Lakshmi gave them another warm smile. “I’m sure we can make room. Would all four of you like to attend?”
“No, just three of us,” Cam said. “Raj is afraid of goats.”
“I’m not afraid of goats. I just don’t want to lie in their shit.”
“Well, I can’t guarantee there won’t be some feces on the ground,” Lakshmi said. “But I can assure you the class will be a lot of fun. It’s a great way to start your week. And I’ll ask Aloysius to leave Buttercup in the barn.”
“Who’s Buttercup?” Theo asked.
“He’s a little asshole, that’s who he is,” Diamond-Lill said. “Pardon my French. I know he’s just a goat, but I swear, that one’s possessed.”
Lakshmi didn’t deny it. She just stared at Raj, awaiting his answer.
“Fine, I’ll come,” Raj said.
Theo was glad Raj was participating, even if it was only because the yoga instructor had a nice rack. But did Buttercup really have to stay behind?
Digger must have shared Theo’s concern because they said, “Don’t make any special accommodations on our account. I, for one, am dying to meet Buttercup.”
“Me, too,” Cam said.
Raj crossed his arms and glowered. On anyone else, the expression would’ve looked childish and pouty. But on Raj, it just looked mysterious and broody.
“Okay, I won’t say anything to Aloysius, then.” Lakshmi poured hot water into her mug and headed for the door she’d just come through. “See you in a couple hours.”

I never would’ve guessed how quickly my life and everything in it could fall apart.
It’s too late for me now, but maybe by sharing this, I can still help someone else.
It feels like so much time has passed, but this only began about a week ago when my language learning app had forced out an update. I didn’t really think much of it at first – not until the next time I opened it, and it kept glitching.
I’d been taking the Italian course for months because my girlfriend Heather is fluent and I was hoping to surprise her with one of those ‘big romantic gestures’ that, if it went the way I hoped, maybe she’d become more than just my girlfriend. Our anniversary was coming up, and we had reservations somewhere nice – somewhere ‘big, romantic gesture’ nice.
I was in the middle of a lesson when the screen suddenly flickered and froze, then seamlessly switched to a different course for a language I’d never seen before. The new lesson asked me to trace letters from some crazy alphabet, just looking at them too long gave me a stabbing headache. I figured the update had broken something, so I just closed it out and figured I’d try again later.
But every time I opened the app after that, it was the only course I could see. I tried uninstalling it and restarting my phone, but that only made it worse – after that, all my other apps started taking me there too – even my freaking banking app.
After a day, every time I tried using my phone, it popped up and I couldn’t get out of it. I showed Heather (while trying to coyly avoid disclosing why I’d been using the app in the first place), and she suggested a factory reset. Even that didn’t help.
My phone was basically useless. I got so frustrated that I figured, fine, I’ll do the damn lesson if it means I can use my phone again.
I started it – which at that point essentially meant just turning my phone on and trying to do literally anything with it. Staring at the alphabet again still triggered a headache behind my eyes, and some sort of dark condensation began to form on my phone screen, but I eventually managed to make it through the first lesson.
Once I started, though, I couldn’t stop. Tracing the strange letters along my phone screen was so captivating – it was addicting.
I did more than just the one lesson and before I knew it, hours had passed and I’d completed the entire first part of the course.
I was right – my phone did start to work normally again – other than a black liquid that began to form behind the screen during lessons, sometimes seeping out of the charging port.
But that didn’t matter to me anymore. The course was all I could think about. I wanted to spend every free moment I had on it. I got chewed out at work for missing a major meeting because I was at my desk glued to my phone – engrossed.
One morning I woke up in a panic when I found things throughout the house were in disarray, drawers were askew, chairs were toppled over and there were tarry handprints everywhere – I thought someone had broken in overnight.
It was only after I checked the locks and windows that I realized the prints were my own. It must have been me – I just… couldn’t remember doing it.
I didn’t make the connection at the time. Or, maybe I did – maybe I was already too far gone to care.
I just kept going through my lessons, avoiding everyone and spending all my free time working on the course, which became increasingly more complex.
And then, the app informed me that the time had come to practicing speaking it.
Some small part of me knew even then that those words should have never been spoken aloud.
On my first try, my mouth moved awkwardly – almost as if it wasn’t meant to form the sounds that the app was requiring me to say. I couldn’t get as far as I would’ve hoped because just attempting it left my throat raw.
The pain, or maybe just the cacophony of the words in my ears as I spoke them, left my head spinning. I eventually had to stop once I found myself coughing a red-pink foam onto my phone screen.
As I began to wipe it away, something else dripped down and mingled with it – a dark liquid from a water stain on the ceiling, a stain I hadn’t recalled seeing before. The consistency – the smell – was familar.
I hadn’t even realized that I’d been screaming – not until my neighbor pounded on my door later that evening and angrily informed me that he could hear me through our shared wall.
That night, I dreamt of the stain, and in my nightmares, something other than just that brackish liquid began to emerge from it. That next morning, when I looked up at it, I wasn’t entirely confident that it hadn’t expanded overnight.
Even the lingering pain and a newly found deep-seated, visceral fear that had been creeping in couldn’t stop me from trying to get through the course. The moment I got home from work, I fell into the sofa and found myself opening the app. I craved the feeling of those words slicing into my throat like razor blades – I needed it.
I began the lesson. Made it a few more words in, almost a full sentence before I had to stop because I felt as if I was choking on my own blood – the dark, fetid liquid from the stain above my head had begun to drip down into my hair and open mouth.
The last thing I remembered was hearing someone pounding on the front door. The next thing I knew, it was morning. I was fully clothed, sprawled in the bathtub. My eyes were dry, burning – almost as if I hadn’t blinked for hours.
I was clutching my phone. What seemed to have snapped me out of it was the battery dying – I was late for work without the alarm to wake me up. As I hurried to my front door, I could’ve sworn the stain on the ceiling looked darker. Wider.
I half-expected to see an angry note from my neighbor taped to my front door, but there was nothing there. His house was dark – I hoped that maybe he’d just slept through it.
As soon as my phone finally came back to life at my desk, I saw tons of missed calls – several from work, some from Heather whom I was supposed to meet for our anniversary dinner the night before. The one I’d planned the ‘big, romantic gesture’ for.
She informed me that she sat at the table for two hours, alone, before she gave up.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened last night.” I whispered over the phone – still hoarse from the night before – unsure if it was from the words, or the screaming I’d done after I’d spoken them.
Her tone immediately changed once I told her I’d been sick and passed out but after assuring her I was feeling better, we made plans for later that evening. I asked if she could meet me at my place – I figured that way I wouldn’t risk standing her up again.
I still had hopes that she’d say ‘yes’ at that point.
I still had hope for a lot of things back then.
I don’t know why – what the hell compelled me against my better judgment – but I used the app that night while I was waiting for her.
That time, the pain felt – it felt right. My mouth moved as if the words had been known to me for centuries – perhaps longer. Long before there had been written characters to express them.
The world began to spin again, but this time I embraced it – I kept going, breathing the blood in – tasting it – feeling it pool in my lungs.
And then, I was staring into something dark, endless. A stringy, dripping form began to emerge.
I didn’t remember falling to the ground, so it took me a moment before I realized that I was staring up at the ceiling.
My lips were moving on their own, I couldn’t control them anymore. All I could do was lay there, eyes wide, watching the thing above my head take shape as it slowly writhed its way out. As it did so, the air in my living room changed, became stale and smelled of old things, ancient things that I had no words for but that still managed to strike a visceral, primal chord of fear.
My lips stopped moving, rivulets of blood were dripping down either side of my mouth, soaking into the carpet until it was damp beneath my head. My eyes burning, unable to close, taking it all in – I think I was weeping. Maybe tears, maybe something else entirely.
I wondered if that was the end.
It pulled its grotesque body the rest of the way out – and then, I woke up in my bed. Clean, no blood to be found anywhere. I almost managed to laugh it off – dismiss it as another nightmare. Until I walked into the living room, and I saw the smears of crimson that had soaked into the fibers of the carpet.
The mildewy black stain was gone from the ceiling, but tarry-looking droplets of blood mixed with something else, led to the front door and then back to my bedroom.
And then, I saw all the missed calls from Heather the night before, and I remembered that I’d fucked up.
She’d texted me that she was outside my door, and I had eight missed calls from her. Apparently, I’d picked up on the ninth, but we’d only talked for a few seconds, and I couldn’t remember what about. I just hoped that whatever it was, I hadn’t made things worse between us – if it was even possible at that point.
I was late to work again, so I tried calling her from the car. No answer. I tried to call her several more times from my office, but it always eventually went to voice.
I hoped things were salvageable. I just needed to get in touch with her so I could explain somehow. When I got home, I gave it another shot.
That’s when I finally managed to reach her.
When I heard her ringtone faintly echo through my house, my breath caught in my throat. I followed the muffled sound down the dark hallway towards my unlit bedroom, until it went to her voicemail.
I called again and I located the source of the sound. It was coming from under my bed.
I dropped to my knees and could make out a formless shape in the darkness below it.
I whispered her name, my heart pounding out of my chest.
No response.
I tentatively put a shaking arm underneath, and my fingertips brushed something.
Hair.
Cold flesh.
There was something else, too, something I didn’t recognize until I pulled it out from under the bed and into the light – broken eyeglasses.
Heather didn’t wear glasses.
But my neighbor did.
I’ve been trying to tell myself it wasn’t me, I never could have done this. But, I’m not so sure anymore.
I called the police after I threw a few things in my car and took off. I couldn’t just leave them there, not like that.
I took a screenshot of one of the ‘lessons’ that popped up. I hope this will be enough to help you avoid it if you see it. I’m not going to share the pronunciations.
If you see this, do not start it. Uninstall the app. If that doesn’t work, burn your phone if you have to.
I wish I had.
JFR

It began with a headache. A deep drum that pulsated within the crevices of my mind. My eyes felt like they were shaking inside their sockets; louder and louder as inklings of my consciousness returned, and I felt like I was no longer engulfed in darkness as light seeped in through my eyelids.
My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright, drenched in cold sweat. "Oh God...I don't feel so good," I mumbled. Rhyse grabbed a small bin from somewhere and quickly placed it at my feet just in time.
"Yeah, that's pretty evident." Rhyse said, pointedly. "I'll be right back."
When I couldn't expel anymore, I shoved the bucket away from me and bent over my knees, clutching my head in my hands. It was too much - it was all too much. This revelation was absolutely terrifying.
"Gavin?" Roland asked. He leaned forward slightly, reaching out to touch my shoulder, but froze when I jerked away from him.
"I'm fine, Roland. Just give me a moment," I whispered. My tongue felt thick and heavy as lead in my mouth, and it was difficult to speak clearly.
Rhyse came back with a tall glass of water and a small vile filled with something purple.
"What is that?" I managed to ask.
"This," Rhyse explained, as he held up the vile. "Is something that will help with the headache and nausea."
I shrugged as he handed it to me and without thinking twice about it, I swallowed every last drop. The liquid went down smoothly, almost like warm honey.
"Better?" Rhyse asked, as he took the now empty vile from me.
I nodded. Whatever that purple substance was it was working. I swallowed and the throbbing inside my head eased. I didn't feel like I was dealing with a horrible hangover anymore. "That really helped. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Do you think you're ready to explain what you saw?" Rhyse asked.
I eased back against the sofa and nodded. Rhyse placed the glass of water on the table beside me and sat back down in his seat, motioning for me to begin.
"The memory was of the night my family died - were killed. They were murdered by my-" I started, but then paused. Did I really want to tell them the whole truth? I just found out that I'm a demon. I apparently also have a twin brother who, by the way, slaughtered our family.
I was told that my family died from a gas leak, and I was incredibly lucky to survive. For a long time I didn't truly believe that, I always felt like it wasn't an accident, that it was something else, something more sinister and I was right, I only buried the painful truth deep within me so even I couldn't remember.
From what I know, Demons are terrifying beings associated with everything evil in the world. How could I tell them what I really am? I pictured the revulsion on Roland's face once he learned that his best friend was a demon. I wanted to scream, and if I could-purge the demonic part of myself out so that I could go back to feeling like a semi-normal human again.
"My family was murdered by a demon." I finally said. "I was the only survivor,"
"A demon," Roland whispered right next to me. I watched as his eyes bled a deep amber color, his fingers dug into the flesh of his palms. I flinched and I quickly averted my eyes, feeling another urge to throw up. Roland's reaction cemented my decision. I continued, omitting some parts of the memory.
"Why was the demon there to begin with?" Rhyse asked. "Was the demon trying to possess someone in your family? Perhaps a deal was made and they didn't hold up their end of the deal?"
"I...don't know." I lied. "The demon didn't say. I mean, if my parents made some sort of deal or something, I wouldn't have known about it." Then another thought hit me. It might be a lie, but it would make sense to Rhyse and Roland - hopefully. "Maybe the demon that murdered my family is somehow connected to the ones who attacked us that night."
"Now that I think about it, it kind of makes sense." Roland agreed.
"That could be a possibility. Now, you told us that you were the only one that survived, Do you have any idea why?" Rhyse asked.
"A voice," I said. "I remember hearing a voice...maybe more, I don't know. I guess that maybe, the demon was interupted before it could finish the job."
We all jumped when Roland's ringtone cut through the room. He quickly pulled it out and got to his feet. "Sorry, I'll be right back,"
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"It's Elijah, I'll just be right outside the door." He replied before he stepped out into the hallway.
Rhyse turned back to me with a reassuring smile and asked if I was alright. "Yeah, I'm fine," I nodded. "I'm just exhausted. Thank you for doing all of this, Rhyse."
Rhyse gave me a small smile. "I'm glad I was able to help. Was there anything else you can recall from the memory?" He then asked. "Anything at all?"
I shook my head. "No, that's all I can remember. I'm sorry,"
"What for? You have nothing to apologize for, Gavin." Rhyse said.
Before I could say anything else, the door opened and Roland quickly walked over to us with a huge smile on his face. "Good news!" He said. "They found them."
...
It's been almost a month since Roland and I went to Seattle with Oliver and Layla to meet with Rhyse. The BSID had tracked down the group of demons that were after me and dealt with them, and since there were no signs of any demonic activity in connection with that group, I was able to go back home alone. Roland was concerned about it at first, but after a while he finally agreed to it. Although, he didn't have much of a choice given the fact that he had to take a two-week long trip back up to the cabin for pack business.
It was around seven when I entered the small bar & grill. Above the bar were two flat-screens, one showed some sporting event and the other, the news. A picture of a young woman with long red hair popped up on the screen. She had been missing for over a month and was last seen with her friends, hiking in the forest just outside of town. She was just one of the ten missing person cases in the span of a year.
I pulled my glass to my lips only to realize that it was empty. I slouched slightly in my seat and sighed. I glanced over at the bartender, but she was busy dealing with the evening crowd. I glanced up at the digital clock above the restrooms.
I've been sitting in the bar for almost two hours now, contemplating what I should do if anyone found out my secret. What would Roland do if he found out I wasn't being completely honest with him, and worst of all, how would he react to having a demon as a best friend and roommate? I couldn't keep something like that from my best friend forever.
What would happen if the rest of his family found out? Elijah had made it quite clear how he felt about demons. I shook my head; my mind was made up. I've been able to keep my ability to sense the demonic hidden for over twelve years, I think I could hide the fact that I'm some demon spawn. No problem. Right?
I licked my lips and placed my empty glass on the table. I hugged my arms to my sides as I slowly weaved my way through the sea of moving, inebriated bodies, being mindful not to bump into anyone as I headed for the doors. The rain greeted me, and I frowned as I pulled my hood up.
I was just about to pull out my phone to text Roland when I almost walked directly into someone. A young man around my age with white hair dipped in red tips and dark eyes.
"Sorry. Excuse me," I mumbled as I moved out of the way for him to enter the bar.
The man stepped away from the door and just stared at me with a smirk on his face. "It's been a while hasn't it, Gavin?"
I backed away from him. My mouth opened and closed as my brain tried to come up with something to say. "H-how did you - who are you?"
"You really don't recognize me from the hotel bar?" He asked as he gave me a wink. When I didn't answer he continued. "Alright, Let's go a little farther back...the bowling alley?"
When I still didn't answer the man chuckled and rolled his eyes as if he just remembered something so obvious. "Oh, that's right. I'm not wearing her face anymore."
A sudden dread pooled in my gut as his demonic face rippled behind his human facade. "Aerian," I breathed.
"Yes, well, not anymore." He said. "We need to talk -"
I was running down the street before he could finish his sentence. The demon was somehow back, and it found me. The sound of approaching footsteps were right behind me, clacking on the wet pavement. There were several blocks between the little bar and my house, but I couldn't risk going back home. If it was a fight the demon wanted then we'll have it somewhere away from the town. I couldn't live with myself if anyone else became collateral because of me.
I cursed and dropped through a narrow cut-through between two buildings, tossing a few trash cans behind me as I made my way into the large forest at the edge of town. I barely touched the ground as I followed a thin vein of a hiking trail, eventually I broke off the trail and through the woods. I brushed passed a thin skeleton of branches. They clawed at my face, but I didn't care. My own survival instinct and panic ripped through every nerve in my body, and it was pushing me to go faster.
I saw red traffic lights several feet in front of me, but before I could reach the road my foot caught in something and the ground collapsed right beneath me. I screamed, and tried to grab ahold of something. I managed to grab onto a tree root protruding from the soil, but it snapped and I fell right into something large enough to hold a fully grown human.
Soft light from the full moon above was enough for me to realize that I was stuck inside a burlap sack. I twisted around and tried to free myself. I opened my mouth in order to scream for help when I remembered that the shapeshifting demon was somewhere close by, looking for me. I dragged in a deep breath and collected myself.
I raked my sharp finger nails through my hair in frustration - wait a minute. I jerked my hands away and raised them up to my face. I had claws, obsidian claws. I reached out and brought my right hand down against the rough fabric, easily ripping through it.
I carefully climbed my way out of the material and looked around. It was dark and cold and I realised that I was pulled down into some underground tunnel. I felt my claws revert back into blunt, human nails and I sighed. I hoped that whatever made the trap wasn't still around. 'Great' I thought. 'I must now face the long dark of Moria.' I pulled my phone from my pocket and clicked on the flashlight as I began to make my way forward.
I didn't know how long I had been walking. I cursed as I came to a stop. The tunnel split into two opposite directions. The sight of the tunnel forking off made me realise getting lost down here in the darkness was becoming an increasingly likely outcome.
I turned to go right when a sudden noise sliced through the darkness. It was a low, pain-filled sound that came from down the tunnel in front of me. A chill shot through my body and I froze. It sounded like a woman moaning, and it didn't stop. It just got louder until it was followed by a horrible, piercing scream, a long wail of absolute agony.
Then the tunnel went silent.
I turned around and took off left. "Shit...oh shit, shit!" I whimpered. My heart fluttered with icy dread, my stomach knotted in on itself. My nerves were on a knife's edge, ears pricked, and skin covered in goosebumps. My hand hovered lightly over my blade as I went further into the darkness.
The tunnel became narrow. So narrow that possibly only two people could squeeze through with some effort. An overwhelming surge of claustrophobia struck me. Questions besieged my brain, had I made a wrong turn? Where was the way out?
It might have been an hour or more, but after a long while I was greeted by a room with little light to my far left. I didn't hear anything coming from the room itself so I warily made my way forward. The room was about the size of a two-door garage. It smelled as if it had recently housed a dying animal.
A small bulb hung from the ceiling, which gave me enough light to see. There were blood smears on the floor and discarded clothing piled up inside large baskets. In the center of the room was a small tray with twisted surgical instruments beside a long steel table you would see in a Mortuary. There was another room on the right, hidden behind a plastic vinyl strip curtain.
What in the actual fuck...
I was about to head back out into the tunnel to get as far away from this place as possible when I heard footsteps. With nowhere else to go, I quickly pushed my way through the curtain. Something bumped against my back, my phone slipped out of my fingers, and skidded across the floor. I slowly turned around to look for it when I gasped in horror.
Bodies. Ten preserved, naked human bodies were suspended by large meat hooks a few feet off the floor. Their abdomens were cut open, their organs removed. One of them looked familiar and my gut twisted when I realised who it was. It was a woman, the missing woman from the news.
I stumbled away from them and pressed myself against the wall behind some crates and baskets filled with God knows what. The footsteps were close. They were heavy, slow shuffling steps. I peeked around the corner and my eyes widened as the source of the sound entered the room.
It was a tall, burly man wearing a blood-stained white work shirt under a strap harness that held a sword made out of the blade of a chainsaw. His face was hidden behind a grey porcelain mask. His shoulders were wide, wide enough to be carrying something large inside of a burlap sack.
He closed the door behind him and dropped the sack onto the metal slab with a loud, wet thunk. Something long and slimy spilled out of the opening and over the side of the table. Hair. It was a tangled mess of human hair. This man was the reason for all of those people going missing. This man, this monster traped them and killed them in a room beneath the woods, and I just happened to stumble upon his hunting ground.
I turned away and crouched low. I stayed as silent as I could, my hands trembled as I held them over my mouth, doing my best to hide my shakey breath as he started to reach into the sack. As he was busy, I began to stealthily make my way toward the door. I was only a foot away from it when he spoke. "You foolish human. You really think I didn't smell you from all the way down in the tunnel?"
I turned to face him just as his clawed hand reached upward, removing the mask from his face. It was something out of a nightmare. Beady black eyes, surrounded by exposed muscles stretched halfway to his scalp. He snarled as his maw split into four peices, each filled sharp, needle-like teeth.
I stumbled backward as he stalked toward me, brandishing his chainsaw sword. For a moment I thought I was going to die when I suddenly felt it; the familiar surge of power. The firebrand burn coursed its way through my veins and wrapped around my spine.
"Stay away from me!" I yelled. My words ripped their way out of me, the panic that bubbled in the center of my chest finding an escape valve . My eyes widened as the monster was suddenly launched backward, crashing into the table. Before he could get to his feet, he was lifted into the air and tossed across the room. I reached outward towards the incision tools on the tray. Each of them slowly floated into the air, and with a slight jerk of my wrist they twisted around, the blades trained on the monster.
The monster screamed in pain as each tool peirced into his flesh. As he was preoccupied with pulling them out of his exposed flesh, I quickly turned around and tried for the door, but it wouldn't open. I slammed my fist against it in terror. "You gotta be shiting me!"
I whirled around just as he got to his feet, blood oozed from his face. I smiled when I noticed one of them had struck deep into his right eye socket. I tried to pull forth my power again, but to my horror nothing happened.
With a cry of outrage the monster charged at me, his chainsaw sword held high, but I was already in motion. I rolled the second I hit the ground. His sword swung right where I stood just seconds ago, embedding itself into the door. I reached behind me, pulled the blade from my belt, and stabbed it into the monster's thigh with all the force I had.
The monster howled. Dark blood drenched his trousers, and spilled to the ground. I tried to wrench the blade back, desperate to get another blow in, but I struck deep into his leg, deep into the bone. Before I had the chance to move an iron hand curled in the collar of my coat and lifted me several feet off the floor like it was nothing, slamming me against the wall right next to the room full of hanging corpses.
I groaned as a long black tongue slithered out of his maw, and licked a slimy trail along my forehead to the bottom of my chin. He paused, and for a second I could have sworn I saw the look of surprise in his eyes. "You're eyes...you're not human...what are you?"
I felt my claws lengthen as I dug my fingers into the monster's beefy arm. The monster growled from the pain, but he didn't loosen his grip on me. With his free hand he reached for his sword. Before he could wrench it free a large, grey clawed arm pierced right through his stomach from behind. The monster roared in pain and released me. I scrambled away as he tried to move, but whatever held him in place was incredibly strong.
"Ya know, I used to wonder that myself," said a human voice.
The monster gave one last cry of pain before the arm released him. He collapsed to the ground with a sickening thud. It was the shapeshifting demon; he was still human aside for the large, demonic appendage that was his right arm.
A bolt of anger shot up my spine and I wrenched my dagger loose from the monster's leg, holding it up in front of me. "Stay away from me, asshole!"
He held up his blood-stained arm, and flexed his fingers, and I watched as it reverted back to normal. "My name is Kal, actually, and I just saved your ass, Gavin. No need for such hostility."
"That's bullshit! I know exactly why you're here. You really want to go for round two?"
"Oh, come on. You failed to kill me the first time, Gavin." The demon-Kal said, as he brought his hand to his neck right below a light scar. "What makes you think that you'll be able to do it this time around?"
"This time, I'll make sure I kill you."
"I highly doubt you'll even be able to land a good hit on me a second time," He smirked. "Look, I'm not here to fight. I'm here to talk. If it will make you feel better we can chat in a public place. I hear that The Love Triangle has the best calzones in town. What do you say?"
I kept my blade trained on him as I made my way over to the curtains. "I really have nothing to say to you."
"Where are you going?"
I ignored him and pushed my way passed the curtains. I did my best to avoid glancing up as I bent down and grabbed my phone from the floor, relieved that it wasn't broken.
"What an interesting little set up," He commented from behind me, but his voice sounded uninterested.
I glared over my shoulder at him. "Of course you'd say something like that. I wouldn't expect anything different since you're both basically the same-"
"Do not compare me to that bottom feeder," He growled. Then he smiled a toothy smile. "Besides, I could do so much worse."
I turned away from him, and bit my tongue as I started to unlock my phone. I really didn't want to waste any more of my time with this murderous lunatic.
"What are you doing?"
"Texting someone who works for the BSID." I answered, thinking that the mention of the BSID would make him leave in order to avoid being caught. It didn't.
"What for?" He asked, incredulously.
"What the hell do you think?" I spat as I sent a message to Layla. "I really don't know why I'm giving you an explanation. It's not like you give a shit, you're a demon."
"And what do you think you are? Just because YOU choose to ignore your demon blood doesn't change the fact that you're a demon, too."
"I'm not like you." I argued.
Kal scoffed. "You're definitely one of us, Gavin. Stop denying it,"
"I mean, I'm not a killer." I growled.
He only rolled his eyes at that.
"How did you know-?"
"That you're a demon too? I found out that night. I got a good look at your eyes before your wolfy friend decided to ruin our alone time together." Kal paused for a moment before he spoke. "They're still looking for you,"
"What are you talking about?" I asked. "Your demon pals? The BSID took care of them."
"That's what they want you to think. I assure you, from a demon who used to work for them, they won't stop until they get you. No amount of hiding will help you, and eventually you'll slip up. The only way to stop them is if we help each other."
I laughed. "Are you serious? Why would I ever consider teaming up with you? You would probably kill me if given the chance, and if you hadn't noticed, I'm not some kind of fighter. Hell, I barely have any control over my powers."
"If I really wanted to kill you, we wouldn't be having this converstaion right now. I used to work for them, but I failed to bring you in. Before they could kill me I ran. I can help you - I am the only one who can help you. You may not be a fighter now, but you can be, you're a demon, Gavin. You have what it takes to help me bring them down."
"What's in it for you?" I asked.
He smiled at that. "Revenge,"
"I...I need time to think." I said, going pale at the very thought of what I was agreeing to. Part of me-the logical side of me was berating me about how stupid this plan was. It was catastrophically stupid! Like Sam Winchester trusting Ruby stupid!
Still, I considered Kal's plan for a few moments. My initial thought was to refuse. To leave and tell Elijah. He would know what to do right? Maybe I could even tell the BSID about Kal and have them deal with him.
But I really was tired of looking over my shoulder, and Kal was right. If these demons were still around, getting rid of Kal wasn't going to fix the problem; they would still come after me. I could slip up.
I glanced over at Kal who was inspecting the chainsaw sword. "Yeah, I'm definitely keeping this." He said, with finality. I have slipped up. So. If this was a chance, even a small one, I should take it.
"Alright," I said. "I'm in."

Hey all, I migrated over to Google Workspace's Voice recently, after much frustration.
All I want, and what I had before all these recent changes with Obi and Google... is to have 2 phone numbers for our POTS phone system in the house. I've got an older AT&T base station and 3 handsets and I honestly don't have the cash to replace it with some fancy dealio.
So I've got a business number, and I've got a home number. I want both numbers to ring the same cordless phone, each using a different ringtone so I can differenciate between the calls.
I had this before with the free version of Google Voice, and it seems absurd that I can't with the paid. But I know the configuration that made that work was on Obi's end previously, and now it's handled on Google's end.
I have tried adding a second user to assign the number to, but it won't let me assign the same mac address to 2nd user. It just tells me that mac address is already in use.
I've looked around for a way to add the 2nd number to the first user, but have come up short.
I've thought about using a 2nd Obi300.. which seems really stupid since these are designed with multiple SIPs. But... how would I even get that to work? Even if I could use a splitter to have both Obi300's ring the same handset... how would I determine which one I'd call out from?
Thoughts? Ideas?
Thanks!

2003-2004 School year. The John Titor experience
Here is its folks, one of the most quintessential SLOWEST school years of all time...The legendary 2003–04 academic year. Come on a journey with me as we examine each month's experiences, would you please? It's going to be an enjoyable voyage, so grab some ephedra-infused Red Bull while you are it!
August 2003
The O.C. posters are literally everywhere at the mall. FOX is really hyping this show up. Back to school shopping at Deb high as a kite. If I hear Crazy in Love one more time I swear! It turns out my first week back to school's schedule is incorrect. All of my teachers are wrong and have to be changed. All that getting to know people for NOTHING! lol. Everyone talking about the VMAS kiss. I feel like 80% of the guys in my gym class are wearing G-Unit t-shirts. "GGGGGGG G Unittttt"
September 2003
I end up dating this guy that works at Wendy's on the highway. He gives me free food and I invite all of my friends to come down. He gets fired 3 weeks later.
October 2003
Me and my friend Tara go to Circuit City with a bunch of guys high and end up ripping off the "new" Nokia N-Gage from it's kiosk. Security comes and almost kicks us out when I give the guy my number. We go to this underground party in South Jersey where everyone is taking turns playing Smackdown! Here comes the pain. Still seeing stupid American flag t-shirts everywhere. Everyone in class has a GBA SP and is playing Super Mario Bros 3 aka Super Mario Advance 4.
November 2003
My PlayStation 2 dies right in the middle of me playing Final Fantasy X-2. Won't read discs damn it! Luckily I have a trusty Xbox with better graphics to curb my video game addiction. Bad Santa movie trailer is literally playing on every single channel right now. Matrix posters popping up all over the mall. Make it stop. My health teacher informs me that class will be going from 30 minutes to 2 hours from now on......Ugh guys......I end up joining the girls basketball team and hate it. Practice literally cutting into my smoking time. Everyone in class is talking about Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch getting raided by the FBI.
December 2003
Everyone is talking about The Simple Life TV show on FOX. It seems like Paris and Nicole came out of nowhere. I go to Toys R US and they have Sonic Heroes demo disc running on a PS2, Xbox and Gamecube. The PS2 one looks horrible. I sneak into the cinema illegally with some friends and go see Lord Of The Ring- Return of the King. Some dude on crack runs up to the front of the screen with a paper clip and rips the whole silver screen screaming. "I FOUND THE RING" "I FOUND THE RING" everyone was screaming "shut up get out" until staff threw him against the wall and starting beating the crap out of him. Baby Bash's "Suga Suga" is getting annoying. People keep having it as their ringtone and it's making English class go by so slow guys. I have a low key NYE at a VIP club.
January 2004
It feels like every single car that drives by with the windows down has "Hey ya" from Outkast playing. Guys this song is getting really annoying.
February 2004
This dude in my History class gets drunk on Henney and starts rapping J-Kwon's "Tipsy" His pants fall down and ends up walking around class in his boxers. Teacher ends up screaming and he gets suspended. Next day after the SuperBowl we are all talking about Nipple gate. Teachers are discussing the ramifications it has on TV. We end up having to do an assignment talking about the history of the FCC. Everyone wearing bedazzled t-shirts all of sudden. My home room teacher Mr. V tells us that home room will now be expanded to 1 1/2 hours instead of 20 minutes.....GUYS WHAT?
March 2004
I tune into this new block on ABC Family called Jetix that looks exactly like Fox Kids. A new Power Rangers series? WAIT TOMMY IS BACK WHA..........Dino Thunder hell yeah! I get invited to go to WrestleMania at Madison Square Garden. I screamed at The Rock. Was a fun night but the main event in hindsight is very unsettling. I literally hear Britney Spears Toxic on tv every 5 min. It's in ads, it's in trailers, it's in computer commercials. This is unreal. I end up leaving my team mates high and dry during one of the most important games of the season. Not doing this basketball crap anymore. Simon Cowell does a signing at Sam Goody and I end up tripping over my shoe laces into his table.
April 2004
I end up going to Maine for April vacation and it ends up being a blast. There ends up being a little party in the woods and we end up drunk. Starting to see TONS of ipods right now. It's popping off guys!
May 2004
"I don't wanna know" by Mario keeps playing on the school loud speakers. Uggs popping off really hard right now. Like EVERYONE is wearing them. The day of the Friends finale I reveal the entire plot spoiler to EVERYONE in my class including my teacher who is a devoted fan a mere 8 hours before broadcast on NBC. She starts getting red in the face and threatens to expel me if I don't stop talking. I keep seeing JLO's face on every magazine at the corner store. I end up going to see Shrek 2 with my boyfriend at the time and his sidepiece happened to be in the same theater as us. I end up breaking up with him after the credits.
June 2004
Make it stop guys. Make it stop. Every supermarket is playing "My Band" from D-12. No No Noooooo. Our computer teacher ends up crying in class because everyone is ragging on her. The principle comes in with the dean and tells us this is all our fault. She never came back after that.
​

[Opens to Vaggie sleeping in bed. she squirms before waking up, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She turns to the left side. Camera zooms out to reveal Charlie gone.]
Vaggie: Charlie?
[It cuts to Charlie panicking and planning out everything with lots of paper with strings attached with everyone else watching her, disturbed by her behavior.]
Charlie: I'm just not quite understanding why it's not working. Okay, okay, think Charlie. Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think. Okay if I do this, it's going to be- (gasp) I have trust falls every single morning. We can do- (gasp)
Angel Dust: Yikes.
Charlie: Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Vaggie: Charlie? Sweetie? You, uh, you good?
[Charlie looks back with sleep-deprived, insane look in her eyes that red veins were shown in the sclera.]
Charlie: Nope! No, not really. Ha ha. I've been up all night trying to figure out why the hotel isn't working. [Crushes paper with hand] We've done trust falls, we've tried sharing our feelings, we only have a couple months left before the angels come. [Turns into demonic form and laughs maniacally before turning back to normal] And at this rate-
Vaggie: Maybe it's time-
Charlie: NO.
Vaggie: to ask-
[Charlie gets up close to Vaggie's face, holding her cheeks desperately.]
Charlie: DON'T SAY IT.
Vaggie: your dad.
[Charlie groans, knowing what this means for her.]
Vaggie: Charlie, I know you don't want to, but we need every advantage we can get.
Charlie: He let the extermination happen to begin with. They just had a meeting and said, "Go ahead and kill everyone"- (gasp) Wait, that's it!
Vaggie: Kill everyone?
Charlie: No! He could get me a meeting with Heaven!
Vaggie: Didn't we already try that?
Charlie: Well. yeah with Adam, he was an asshole. But he isn't in charge of all of Heaven. We could go to the top. There's sure to be some angels who will listen.
[Charlie scrolls through her contacts. In her contacts, she has Egg Boiz 1,2, and 3, before her thumb lingers on top of her "Dad". However, she was hesitant to call her dad]
Husk: What's the holdup? You got daddy issues?
Charlie: No, we just have never been close. After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls, sometimes, but only if he's bored or like needs me to do something.
[Husk was aware that this is just an excuse that Charlie does have issues with her dad and turns to the others.]
Husk: Daddy issues.
Angel Dust: Well I'd like to meet the big dick in charge.
[Niffty was holding a knife in her hands.]
Niffty: The ultimate bad boy. [laughs like a gremlin with excitement, holding a knife while Angel takes her knife away without her knowing] I bet he's scary.
[Scene cuts to Lucifer's house, showing framed photos of his family in a dark spooky room. Lucifer can be heard making snarling noise as he was working on something. As the scene goes, his room is revealed to be filled with a lot of rubber ducks, and stacks of them filled the boxes and tubs.]
Lucifer: That's it... Almost there... Now presenting... the magic-tastical back flipping rubber duck! Haha! That spits fire! [rubber duck shoots flamethrower from its mouth] Hoo hoo hoo! Hold the applause please, okay. Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh god, who am I kidding? This sucks!
[He throws the rubber duck at his family portrait and looks sad. Suddenly his ringtone plays. he picks up his phone, and was shocked who was calling him.]
Lucifer: Daughter? Daughter! Daughter calling?! OH! Uhm uh, uh hello, Charlie. He-ey, hey, hey Char-Char. No, no! That's not good. Oh, this is the first time she's called you in years. This has to be perfect. [takes a deep breath before he picks up phone] Hey~ bitch!
[Intercut conversation between Lucifer and Charlie during the phone call from the hotel to his house.]
Charlie: Hi, Dad.
Lucifer: Hey! How are you? Oh ho. Where-where are you these days?
Charlie: You know where I am Dad. I've told you before.
Lucifer: You have? Oh, yeah uh, well, you know, I um uh-
Charlie: I told you when you called me five months ago, or did you not listen?
Lucifer: No, no, no, no. Just, you know, just forgot. You know, I've just been really busy, you know, with, um, important things. [kicks rubber duck]
Charlie: Well, I'm actually running a hotel to rehabilitate sinners. Maybe you saw our commercial?
Lucifer: Oh, sadly, I missed it. heh heh. You know, I haven't been watching much TV lately. Scrambles the brain. [makes silly noises]. But hey! A hotel, fun.
Charlie: (Sighs) Listen Dad, I've got kind of a big ask.
Lucifer: [coughs and sets down his tea] Yeah, of course. Anything in my power is yours for the asking. You just name it~
Charlie: I need to speak to Heaven. Well, whoever's in charge up there, above Adam, above anybody. I need to go to the top.
Lucifer: Oh, no. No~ No, no, no, no, Charlie, no, no, no. That's, uh hah, no.
Charlie: [angrily] Look Dad, [normal] I don't ask you for much, I never have, but this, this is really important to me. It's the most important thing I've ever done. And I...need you. I need your help.
Lucifer: I don't know, Charlie.
Charlie: Please! Just come see what I'm trying to do. You'll see why it's a really good idea. And Heaven is bound to agree if I get the chance to talk to them. Please, Dad.
Lucifer: Wait, you're...inviting me over?! Absolutely! Oh, I'll be there in an hour. [hangs up] ♪ My daughter wants to see me~! ♪ [points at the rubber duck below him] Take that, depression!
[Back at the hotel, Charlie and Vaggie prepare for Lucifer's arrival.]
Charlie: Welp, we have an hour until he gets here.
Vaggie: Okay people, [Everyone stands at attention, but Husk spills coffee over himself and Niffty collapses on the floor.] Lucifer is on his way. So we are going to get this place presentable and we are going to make an amazing impression. Vamanos!
[Everyone scatters to get the place tidy and ready for Lucifer. Sir Pentious and Niffty bakes cookies, then Niffty starts sweeping and Husk is cleaning up. Alastor walks in and watches Razzle and Dazzle put up a "Wellcum Daddy" banner up. Angel puts on some makeup before closing the mirror, revealing to be Niffty staring creepily at him, making Angel recoil back in surprise.]
Charlie: [sighs] Okay everyone, it's showtime!
[Charlie opens the door, revealing to be Lucifer, excited to see his daughter.]
Lucifer: Charlie!
Charlie: Hey, Da-
[Charlie doesn't get to finish because Lucifer hugs her really tight like a bear. Unbeknownst to them, Alastor was right behind them, with his wicked smile strained and left eye twitching in anger when Alastor saw Lucifer.]
Lucifer: [hugs Charlie] Oh it's so good to see you. Haha!
Charlie: strained It's uh, good to see you too, Dad.
[Lucifer lets go of Charlie to give her a breather.]
Charlie: [clears throat] Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!
[Two Egg Boiz pops some party poppers as a warm welcome. KeeKee curls up to Lucifer and rubs her face against his legs. Lucifer notices her and goes all enchanted by her cuteness. He crouches down and rubs her head.]
Lucifer: Oh, hewwo KeeKee!
[Razzle and Dazzle flies by and Lucifer greets them,]
Lucifer: Razzle, Dazzle. Oh[makes endearing noises] look how much you haven't grown. Still fun sized. You taking care of my wittle girl? [speaks in a very deep ominous threatening tone] You better be. [snickers] Wow! This place sure looks, uh...uh huh yah uh huh...It's got a lot of character!
[Lucifer finds the bar at the corner and was immediately repulsed by it.]
Lucifer: OH, what in the unholy hell is that?!
[Alastor reappears from the fog and in front of Angel Dust.]
Alastor: Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color, don't you think?
[Lucifer looked at him suspiciously, and points his stick at him.]
Lucifer: And you are?
[Alastor reappears behind Lucifer, catching his attention.]
Alastor: Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, sir. Quite a pleasure. [Alastor shaking Lucifer's cane and wiping his hand in somewhat hidden disgust] It's nice to finally put a face to the name. [indicates the height by the camera]. You are much shorter in real life.
[Alastor making a hand gesture indicating the height difference between the Morningstars]
Lucifer: Who is this? Who is this nut? Are you the bellhop?
Alastor: Aha! No! I am the host of the hotel. You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast.
Lucifer: Hmm, nope! I guess that's why Charlie called it the Has-been Hotel, ahaha!
Alastor: Ha ha ha. It was actually my idea.
Lucifer: Ahaha. Well, it's not very clever!
Alastor: [Strained] Ha ha! Fuck you.
[With each sentence, Alastor and Lucifer were getting closer to fighting before Charlie gets in the way to stop them in between.]
Charlie: Okay! Okay, anyway. Dad, look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings! Without Alastor, we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much.
Alastor: Charlie has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfil her bizarre requests.
[Alastor places hand on her shoulder. Lucifer is grumpy that he is winning over Charlie more than he is, which makes him very angry to the point where he growls in frustration.]
Charlie: Oh, thank you, Alastor.
Alastor: Quite an impressive young lady. (condescendingly) We're all very proud of her.
Lucifer: Ahem, Charlie! Dear, eheh, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?
[Lucifer walks right between them before pointing his stick to the others at the table. Angel Dust tries to get a cookie from Sir Pentious, but he doesn't want Angel touching the cookies without Lucifer trying them and hides them underneath him.]
Charlie: Oh, yes, of course. This is Vaggie, she's my girlfriend.
Lucifer: Oh my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common! You put her there, Maggie. Hey! [hugs her] Oh yeah. She's so pretty.
Vaggie: Lovely to meet you, uh, sir.
Charlie: And this is Sir Pentious and Angel Dust, our guests!
[Pentious hears his name being called and stands at attention, making a salute to him.]
Sir Pentious: Your Majesty!
[Pentious falls down into the cookies right before Angel Dust takes one for himself.]
Angel Dust: Heya short king~
Charlie: Husk is our bartender, and Niffty is our housekeeper.
Husk: Nice to meet you.
[Niffty was super-excited to meet the ultimate bad boy that she scurries over and climbs up on his coat.]
Niffty: Hello. I clean. [laughs]
[Suddenly the chandelier falls and produces a huge amount of dust which makes everyone cough. Lucifer and Alastor were at the chandelier when Lucifer knows Alastor did that on purpose.]
Lucifer: [Laughs]. Alright then.
[With one swing of his own stick, the fallen chandelier disappears and starts to sing the song, Hell's Greatest Dad to Charlie.]
Lucifer: ♪ Looks like you could use some help. ♪
♪ From the big boss of Hell himself.♪
♪ Check your daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp! ♪
Lucifer puppets: ♪ "5 stars!" "Flawless!" "Greater than great!" ♪
Lucifer: ♪ With a punch of a pentagram,
♪ A wap! Bam! Boom! Alakazam! ♪
♪ Usually I charge a sacrificial lamb. ♪
♪ But you get the family rate! ♪
Lucifer and Charlie: "Thanks dad!" ♪
Lucifer: ♪ Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? ♪
Chorus of Lucifer lookalikes: ♪ wa-ah-oh ♪
Lucifer: ♪ Michelin tasting menu free à la carte. ♪
♪ I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref! ♪
♪ Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just a start! ♪
Alastor: ♪ Who's been here since day one? ♪
♪ Who's been faithful as a nun? ♪
♪ Makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun? Your executive producer! ♪
Charlie: spoken That's true!
Alastor: ♪ I'm your guy! Your day to day. ♪
♪ Your chum, your steadfast hotelier. ♪
♪ Remember when I fixed that clog today? ♪
Niffty: spoken I was stuck, thank you sir!
Charlie: Oh you!
Alastor: ♪ I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond.
Charlie: Awwww!
Alastor: ♪ You're like the child that I wish that I had. ♪
Lucifer: Uh, what?
Alastor: ♪ I care for you just like a daughter I spawned. ♪
Lucifer: Hold on now!
Alastor: ♪ It's a little funny! You could almost call me... DAAAAAAAD! ♪
[Angered, Lucifer plays golden fiddle aggressively as he gets closer to Alastor. Suddenly, a piano drops out of the sky and Alastor plays piano aggressively. Lucifer then plays the accordian horribly out of tune with the song, resulting in a temporary fade to black.]
Alastor: ♪ They say when you're looking for assistance, ♪
♪ It's smart to pick the path with least resistance! ♪
Lucifer: Others say that in your needy hour.
♪ There's no substitute for pure angelic power! ♪
♪ , Who just happens to also be your blood! ♪
Alastor: ♪ Sadly there are times a birth parent is a dud. ♪
♪ They say the family you choose is better! ♪
Lucifer: sing talking ♪ What a bunch of losers! ♪
Alastor: ♪ Can you butt out of my song? ♪
Lucifer: ♪ Your song?!? I started it! ♪
Alastor: ♪ I'm singing it! I'll finish it! ♪
Lucifer: ♪ Oh you tacky piece of—! ♪
[Right before Lucifer and Alastor could get at each other's throats to kill, the front door opens, and Mimzy butts into the song.]
Mimzy: ♪ It's me! Yes it's me! ♪
♪ I know you were all waiting for me! ♪
♪ I'm here! What a gas! ♪
♪ Took a while but I'm present at last! ♪
♪ It's me! It's me! ♪
♪ Mimzy! ♪
[As song ends, everyone in the hotel were perplexed of their new house guest in the front. None of them spoke until Lucifer breaks the ice with a question.]
Lucifer: Who?
Mimzy: Didn't you just hear me? Why is everybody gawking? Is it cause I'm adorable?
Alastor: Mimzy!
Mimzy: Alastor! Sweetie, Doll-face, So good to see you! How've you been? Good? Good.
[Mimzy and Alastor hug each other.]
Mimzy: Listen, I was in the neighborhood. I heard you were staying at this ritzy slob factory, and I figured I'd stop by, say hi! For old times sake.
Alastor: Of course, sweetheart! Everyone is welcome here!
Charlie: Oh, how nice! So you two know each other?
Mimzy: Oh yeah, we go way back, ran in the same circles when we were alive. You know, this one used to frequent the club where I used to perform. He's the only one I knew who could pound whiskey like a sailor then keep up with me on the dance floor!
Alastor: Oh, quite a talent, this gal. Ho ho! You should have seen her in her hayday!
Mimzy: Hey, watch it, tall, dark and creepy! I'm still in my prime!
[Mimzy spots Lucifer in the open, and was immediately infuriated with the sight of the King of Hell.]
Mimzy: Oh, oh my stars! gasps Is that Lucifer? pushes Pentious of the way Move it! Pleased to meet ya! Your highness. whispering Alastor, you gotta warn a girl when she's in mixed company.
Lucifer: Charmed, I'm sure.
Alastor: As much as I'd love to catch up, Charlie and I have a tour to continue.
{Lucifer heard this and takes his daughter by the arms before dragging her front.]
Lucifer: I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around.
[Alastor appears in front of them.]
Alastor: Nonsense! grabs Charlie and drags her forward We started the hotel together, and we'll show it off together. Right, Charlie?
[Alastor stops dragging Charlie so she can be the one to lead the tour for her father.]
Charlie: Oh, right.
[As Charlie leads on with Vaggie and Lucifer following behind, Alastor turns to Mimzy.]
Alastor: Why don't you let the others help you settle in, and I'll be back before you know it.
[And with that, Alastor leaves to follow the tour. Mimzy turns to the bar and walks up to get a drink.]
Mimzy: So, where can a girl get a drink around here?
[Husk doesn't like Mimzy's company and groans in irritation as he cleans a glass. Mimzy takes a seat and notices him.]
Mimzy: My, my, is that Husker? Alastor still has you slinging hooch for him, I see. chuckles Classic! How ya been, fur ball?
Husk: Good! Until five minutes ago.
Mimzy: Oh, don't tell me you're not happy to see me! You might hurt my feelings! giggles
[While Husker gets a drink for Mimzy, she turns to Niffty who was looking for the bugs that were scattering on the floor.]
Mimzy: Hey Niffty, whatcha been up to, girlie?
Niffty: Fighting bugs.
Mimzy: And uh, how's that going for ya?
[Niffty turns to one of the bug she sees.]
Niffty: They're winning, sadistically pulls out a large knife with a insane smile but not for long.
Mimzy: Uh huh… a glass was given to her thanks, pussy cat!
Husk: Oh, fuck you.
[As Husk leaves the bar, Angel and Pentious takes up a seat right next to her.]
Angel Dust: So uh, you and Alastor are like, what? Friends?
Mimzy: Well, that's your word, not mine, but I think it fits. Why so surprised?
Angel Dust: Well, just didn't know he had any of those. He's been here a while and is still a big, creepy mystery. What's his deal?
[Mimzy begins her tale by making a short flashback story of how Alastor came to be. A shodowy demon is seen holding a drink, which Alastor Takes out of his hand, in the next scene, Demons are seen dismissing him as another sinner, but then, in a dark alley, an unnamed Overlord is cornered by a sinister-looking Alastor, before it cuts to a female overlord, presumably Alastor's next victim. One by one, more overlord Demons disappeared, leaving only Alastor to reign supreme over all the others. Then, a radio tower sends neon green signal waves all over hell.]
Mimzy: Well, you probably heard the stories. He appeared in Hell suddenly, making a splash quicker than anyone had ever seen. At first, people wanted to dismiss him. but soon, overlords started going missing, and not small ones neither. We're talking heavy. hitters. No one knew what happened to 'em, until these strange radio broadcasts started going out. All you could hear were screams. Every time an overlord went missing, there'd be a new voice screaming in the broadcast! That's when Alastor revealed himself as the radio demon, and anyone that would mess with him… chuckles well, let's just say, his broadcasts never lacked new voices.
[The flashback story ends to the present where Mimzy was concluding her tale of Alastor before getting back to being nonchalant about him]
Mimzy: That's the story most people know, but underneath it all… he's a total sweetie! Put on some jazz and pour a couple fingers of rye and he becomes a kitten!
[As Mimzy concludes her story, Angel and Pentious were spooked by Alastor's dark history in hell while Mimzy doesn't seemed bothered by their disturbance.]
Mimzy: Stop with the looks. He hasn't done any of that in a while. raises a glass Can I get another one of these?
[Mimzy realized that Husk is nowhere in the bar or in the lobby, much to her annoyance..]
Mimzy: Oh what the fuck!
[In the creepy dark hallways, Charlie was showing her father about the interiors of the hotel.
Charlie: So, once we have the proof that redemption is possible, this whole hotel will be full of demons wanting to check out into heaven! We just need a little time to prove it. The sharing circles haven't been working as fast as I hoped.
[While Charlie was in the middle of explaining everything to her father, Husk calls his owner from out of nowhere.]
Husk: Hey, boss. Can I have a word?
[Alastor stops and twists his head 180 degrees to have his face turn to him before his body rotates.]
Alastor: What is it?
Husk: You and I both know Mimzy only shows up when she needs something. That bitch is trouble, and who knows what kind of demon she fucked with to come running to you this time?
Alastor: it's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry Husker. Who in their right mind would cross me?
Husk: I mean, you've been gone a while, and it's not like anybody knows why.
Alastor: They don't need to know, and don't you worry your fuzzy head about it.
{Alastor rubs Husk's ears which angers him.]
Husk: growls You may own my soul, but I ain't your fucking pet!
Alastor: chuckles But you are! Haha!
[Alastor turns around to join back with the tour.]
Husk: whispering Big talk for someone who's also on a leash.
[Alastor immediately halts after hearing this, his eyes turned into radio dials. The lights in the hallway flickered from his anger rising. Slowly, Alastor looks over his shoulder to Husk.]
Alastor: Aha, what did you say?
[Before Husk could even respond, a green chain pulls his neck before he's forced down. He realizes what he's done and tries to come up with an excuse.]
Husk: Fuck! Nothing! I, uhm…
[Alastor slowly approaches him with the green chain twirling from his mic-stick. The more he steps closer, the lights flickers on and off from his anger.]
Alastor: If you ever say that again, I will tear your soul apart and broadcast your screams for every other disrespectful wretch who dares to question me!
[Alastor's threat makes Husk shiver in fear when he realizes he had crossed too far with him.]
Husk: scared Understood.
[The lights turn back to normal, and Alastor is back to his old jolly good self.]
Alastor: Lovely. chuckles Good talk, my good man! Always nice to catch up.
[Alastor leaves the shaking Husk on the floor. Husk was too scared to even move, and was left shivering in fear.]
[Back to the tour, Vaggie was taking her turn explaining more about the hotel's role to redeeming demons so they can go to Heaven, most notably Angel Dust.]
Vaggie: And we've almost been able to find all of Angel Dust's drug stashes… almost.
Charlie: So, once that's out of the way, it should be much smoother sailing!
Lucifer: Well that certainly is, uhh… is-is something.
Charlie: So, what do you think?
Lucifer: About what?
Charlie: The hotel.
Lucifer: Oh! Yes! It does- it does look much better now, doesn't it? chuckles You know, but I'm thinking this railing needs work, one good push and you'd just go right over the edge! Whoopie! Bye bye! chuckles
Charlie: What? No, no, the plan, Dad! What do you think about using the hotel to help sinners?
[Now matter how much Lucifer hates to admit it, he wants Charlie to get one thing straight about what her plans are going.]
Lucifer: exhales Alright, I mean, look, I love that you want to see the best in people, but these sinners, you know, they're just the worst. I, I don't know how much you can realistically expect from them, and Heaven? Adjusts his collar Hohooo boy, Heaven, is not exactly as carefree as you might think. Yeah, they have rules, lots of rules, and they aren't very open minded as you'd hope.
Charlie: These are our people, Dad, I… I have to try!
Lucifer: Our "people" Charlie, are awful! They got gifted free will and look what they did with it! Everything's terrible! wheeze I just don't want you to put yourself on the line for people like—
[Lucifer was interrupted when a loud thud shakes the hotel, rocking the three of them on the balcony.]
Vaggie: Geez! What now?!
Lucifer: Well, like that.
[To prove his point, Lucifer gesture to a dozens of loan shark demon mafia on the ground holding a battering ram. The loan shark mafia were armed to the teeth with guns, melee weapons, and a battering ram as they ram the front door open. The leader of the loan shark mafia looks up at the balcony.]
Loan shark: Mimzy! We know you're in there you lousy bitch!
[Inside, the lobby, Mimzy realizes that the loan shark mafia found her and cartoonishly goes down in a sheepish wince, now already busted.]
Mimzy: Oh shit.
[A portal opens up by Lucifer and all three of them return to the lobby as the loan shark mafia continues to ram the front door.]
Vaggie: Que Carajo?! (What the fuck?!)
Charlie: What's going on?!
Mimzy: I maaaaaay be in trouble with some loan sharks. I may or may not have borrowed 50 grand from—loud thud Eep!
[Scared, Mimzy cowards behind the bar counter to hide before peeking up to Charlie and Vaggie.]
Loan shark: You better come out!
Mimzy: And I may have also stolen a car… and crashed it… into the loan shark's girlfriend, but that bitch had it coming!
[Before Charlie and Vaggie could even respond, the windows and the walls were barraged with fireballs from the outside. The windows crashed and the floors are meteored with the fireballs.. Charlie and Vaggie screamed as more fireballs came raining on them. Niffty was horrified that the windows were destroyed after cleaning it so long ago. Angel Dust scoots back to his seat after a fireball nearly hits him.]
Niffty: My windows!
[Pentious realized what was happening while he was still holding his baked cookies.]
Sir Pentious: Ah! We're under siege! dodges a fireball Ah! Take cover!
[Everyone in the hotel scrambles in panic and defense as more fireballs fall down on them. Charlie dodges one of the fireballs close to her. Niffty was nearly crushed by one fireball before Angel picks her up, shocked.]
Vaggie: Look out!
Angel Dust: What the fuck?!
[Angel throws Niffty out of the way, but she scurries around all over the lobby while Lucifer remains composed, oblivious to their dire situation. The lobby was on fire from the fireballs. Husk tries to put out the fire close to his bar, stomping on it in anger while Mimzy hides behind the counter. Angel runs for cover, and Pentious can be heard screaming as fireballs meteor through the windows. While everyone finds some cover, Lucifer gives Charlie a lecture that makes her angry enough to where her eye twitches.]
Lucifer: You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about Charlie. You build something nice, you invite people in and offer them everything and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. It doesn't matter how well intentioned you are, they're always going to disappoint you.
[Niffty was on the floor recovering the windows that were shattered, unaware that falling debris was about to crush her.]
Sir Pentious: Niffty! Come along!
[Pentious grabs Niffty before debris nearly crush her. Vaggie appears with her spear ready at arms.]
Vaggie: All of you! Get a safe distance, I'll take care of this.
[Before Vaggie could go out to deal with the mafia, Alastor appears out of nowhere and places a hand on Vaggie's spear to lower it.]
Alastor: No, my dear, leave it to me. It's time I remind everyone why I am here.
[Upon saying those sentence, Alastor turns demonic with his eyes turning to a radio dial. Mimzy pops up from the counter.]
Mimzy: Oh, finally! Took you long enough!
[Alastor goes into his demonic form as a green aura lights up from the outside. The mafia outside were just about to reload theri catapult when they notices the eerie greenish glow before Alastor turns to his sinister demon form.]
Alastor: A reminder to all, not to mess with the radio demon! evil laugh
[With Alastor now in his demon form, he expands his tentacle tendrils outside where one smashes the catapult, the other killing several of the mafia gangsters. The remaining gangsters panic at the sight of the radio demon's magic.]
Mimzy: Yeah!
[Alastor's body grows larger and limbs become longer before exiting the front door with a sinister unmoving grin.]
Alastor: I will devour each and every one of you!
[Alastor heads out to massacre the mafia for attacking the hotel. As he exits the front door, Mimzy, Charlie, and Lucifer come out to watch the bloodbath. Charlie was totally appalled that Alastor is truly terrifying and maliciously monstrous. Lucifer nodded once to make his point. From the back point of view from the camera, Lucifer lectures Charlie about the sinners while Alastor devours and kills the mafia outside. Body parts spread all over the front door, while Lucifer was oblivious to the mess.]
Lucifer: Mhm, you see? What'd I tell you? Charlie, sinners are violent psychopaths, hell bent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can. There's really no point in trying.
Charlie: Dad! Stop! He's defending this hotel! turning to see Alastor eating a mafia loan shark It may be a bit more sadistic than I'd hoped, but he's doing it for me! How come he can have faith in me but my own father can't?
[Nearby, behind the turned table, Angel, Pentious, and Husk saw the melodrama that was occurring between Lucifer and Charlie.]
Angel Dust: Ooh, drama.
[Excited, Angel gets out a bucket of popcorn to watch the scene unfold. Husk also picks up a handful of popcorn to eat.]
[Outside, Alastor nas finished massacring the mafia as he shrinks back down to his usual self, now satisfied that he's killed a lot of demons today.]
Alastor: Oh, I missed getting to let off steam!
[Mimzy checks outside if the coast was clear before approaching to Alastor.]
Mimzy: Oh, Alastor! What a fantastic show! Bravo! As always. Thanks for helping lil' old me out of a tougher spot, you're always such a pal!
[A railroad debris falls close to Mimzy, making her back away in surprise.]
Mimzy: Oops. Heheh… sorry about the mess, but I'm sure the little bug can take care of it for you.
Alastor: I think you should go Mimzy, now.
Mimzy: Oh pff, Alastor, you're such a kidder you! Haha, you are so funny!
Alastor: I mean it. You deliberately brought danger to this place just to have me clean up your mess. I can't have that here.
Mimzy: But you love taking care of me! What, you don't actually give a shit about this tacky place, do ya? Come on, I know you.
[Mimzy pokes his chest with every word in the sentence.]
Mimzy: You pokes his chest heartless pokes son- pokes of- pokes a- pokes bitch~
[Alastor casually moves her finger away. He moves around Mimzy before standing in front of her with his microphone stick placed in front.]
Alastor: You are welcome if you actually want to give redemption a shot, but I think we both know that's not really your style, so you need to leave.
Mimzy: Fine! Who needs you? Have fun with your little princess and your little hotel! See if I care!
[Insulted and offended, Mimzy turns around and flips Alastor off before walking away.]
[Husk was rather amused before turning back to the melodrama between Charlie and Lucifer, now with a bucket of popcorn of his own. Angel has his, but he also has a drink to go along with it. Pentious was holding a TV guide by Vox.]
Angel Dust: This is really getting good.
[In a heartfelt scene, Lucifer retreats to the lobby while Charlie follows him behind.]
Charlie: Dad, just… help me.
Lucifer: I… I can't.
Charlie: Why can't you?
Lucifer: Charlie! You don't understand. Heaven never listens! They didn't listen to me, they won't listen to you!
Charlie: You don't know that!
Lucifer: I do!
[With tears filling his eyes, Lucifer begins to express his feelings through a song, More Than Anything.]
Lucifer: ♪ You, didn't know that when ♪
♪ I tried this all before, my dreams were too hard to defend. ♪
♪ And in the end, ♪
♪ I won't lose it all again. Now you're the only thing worth fighting for. ♪
[While he is singing, silhouettes of higher angels appear, surrounding Lucifer with spears. Next shot shows Charlie being surrounded by spears that slowly come towards her, with Lucifer noticing them in horror, and pulls Charlie away on the other side to defend her.]
♪ More than anything, more than anything. ♪
♪ I'll shelter and adore you more than anything. ♪
Charlie: spoken Dad, I don't need you to protect me from this.
Lucifer: I just don't want you to be crushed by them like… like I was.
Charlie: Dad… ♪ When I was young, I didn't really know you at all. ♪
[In a flashback scene, a young Charlie saw her father by his workshop who looked all sad and moopy. He notices her and takes her into his lap to show her some magic. A silhouette of Lilith appears before taking Charlie away. Charlie looks at her father sadly while Lucifer gazes at her with sadness too.]
♪ I always felt so small. ♪
♪ But I heard your stories and I was enthralled. ♪
♪ The tales about your lofty dreams. ♪
♪ I listened breathlessly. ♪
♪ Imagining it could be me. ♪
♪ So in the end, it's the view I had of you, that showed me dreams can be worth fighting for. ♪
[Flashback ends to the present.]
♪ More than anything, more than anything. ♪
♪ I need to save my people more than anything. ♪
Lucifer: ♪ I've been dying to find out who you are. ♪
Charlie: I've been waiting, ♪
♪ wanting the same thing. ♪
Lucifer: ♪ Looks like the apple doesn't fall far. ♪
Charlie: ♪ Took you a while. ♪
Lucifer: ♪ I've missed that smile. ♪
Charlie and Lucifer: ♪ All that I'm hoping, ♪
♪ now that my eyes are open, is that we can start again. ♪
♪ not be pulled apart again. Cause in the end, you are part of who I am. ♪
Lucifer: ♪ I'll support your dream whatever lies in store. ♪
Charlie: ♪ And who could ask for more? ♪
Lucifer: ♪ More than anything, ♪
Charlie: ♪ More than anything, ♪
Lucifer: ♪ More than anything. ♪
Charlie: ♪ More than anything. ♪
Charlie and Lucifer: ♪ I'm grateful you're my (Charlie: father) /(Lucifer: daughter) more than anything. More than anything. ♪
[As the song ends, Lucifer and Charlie returns to the lobby after traveling across the dimension to a mystical place. Pentious was teary after seeing the sweet tendered moment between Lucifer and Charlie.]
Sir Pentious: spoken Aww, that was ssssweet.
Lucifer: Ok, I can get you the meeting but once you're in Heaven, I won't be able to go with you. Will you be ok?
Charlie: I'll be fine.
Lucifer: That's my girl. sighs Good luck kiddo.
[And with that, Lucifer turns into a violet red mist before disappearing away from the lobby. Vaggie comes over to talk to Charlie with uncertainty.]
Vaggie: This next part is going to be scary. You ready?
Charlie: I'm ready, hugs Vaggie cuz you'll be with me.
[Vaggie looks reluctant, hoping she does not mean 'physically being in heaven']
Vaggie: In spirit, right?
Charlie: In Heaven!
Vaggie: Yay…
[Vaggie's face winced at the thought of going to Heaven and tells that it was not going to be a very good thing, especially when her face saids, "Shit..." as the episode ends.]

Years ago I made a guide to hard dance music on this very sub, I was an anxious high schooler who could barely put to words what he was listening to so needless to say that guide sucked, so I've decided to make a new one. My main goal is not to feed people a bunch of regurgitated information and talk about what I heanotice

DISCLAIMER: I am no music scholar nor do I agree with every single genre definition out there, I find the pigeonholing to be pretty silly sometimes. There will be holes in this list and possibly some wrong info, my only area of expertise is that I've been listening to this stuff for upwards of 10+ years. (This list will be in no particular order)

• Early Rave: Haaaaaakuuuuuhhhhhhhhh!!! One of the best things to come out of the Netherlands, distorted 909s, rave stabs, horror movie samples and fast tempos. Early Rave is a pretty broad definition but in this case I'm talking about Gabber. Ground zero for tons of genres that will be mentioned in this list, and still so very fun to move your feet to!

Example: Predator vs Wedlock - Get on Down
Artists: Ruffneck (and his thousands of aliases), 3 Steps Ahead, Chosen Few, Nasenbluten, Predator
Labels: Ruffneck Records, Bloodyfist Records, Industrial Strength Records, Wax Weasel, Pengo Records, Cenobite Records

• Makina: A Spanish genre of music (with a healthy community in Japan and the UK) and also one of my favorites on this list! A sort of combination of trance and happy hardcore, sped up and given this addictively bouncy off beat bass! There are a few offshoots within the genre itself (Base Makina) but the stuff I want to talk about is the cheesy happy kind.

Example: Netherworld - Atlantis
Artists: DJ Ruboy, M-Project, Xavi BCN, DJ El Brujo, PJ Makina, Pastis & Buenri, 3R2
Labels: BIT Music, ADN Sound, Burning Chrome, DJ's At Work, UAM (Underground Amateur Music)

• Hardstyle: At some point Gabber died and from the ashes came Hardstyle! Slower and with longer, less overdriven kick drums, it showed that faster isn't always better. Hardstyle was my starting point for Hard Dance music and I know I'm not alone. There's something for everyone in this genre and it has gone through many changes with distinct eras between each change, covering all the off shoots and era's is worthy of its own thread

Example: Ran-D - The Twilight Zone
Artists: Technoboy, Headhunterz, Wildstylez, Da Tweekaz, Zatox, Coone, Tuneboy, Audiofreq, DJ Thera, Noisecontrollers
Labels: Scantraxx, Dirty workz, A^2, Italian Hardstyle, Gearbox Digital, Theracords

• Happy Hardcore: Applied to a lot of genres and styles over the years. Happy Hardcore to me is pitched up vocals, breakbeats and sickeningly sweet melodies that grew alongside Gabber. A lot of Happy Hardcore producers would go onto produce what we know as UK Hardcore today. Happy Hardcore emerged around the same time as Eurodance so some of the parallels are unsurprising.

Example: DJ Trixxy & DJ Brisk - Eyeopener
Artists: Banana Man, Hixxy, Darren Styles, Scott Brown, Brisk, DJ Ham
Labels: Blatant Beats, Evolution Records, Slammin' Vinyl, The World Of Obsession Recordings

• Freeform Hardcore: A combination of Trance and UK Hardcore with some leanings into Psytrance here and there. Deep and haunting with some flangers and phasers thrown in for good measure. I don’t have much else to say about the genre other than it can truly be an experience sometimes.

Example: Alek Szahala - Afternoon Owl
Artists: Alek Szahala, Betwixt & Between, Substanced, A.B., Transcend, DJ Rx
Labels: Nu Energy, Stamina Records, FINRG, ReBuild Music, Watchtower Records

• Terrorcore: Emerged around the same time as Gabber and honestly early Terrorcore is kinda hard to distinguish from it. Terrorcore has since grown and developed into something much more distinct, I've never been able to properly describe how it's different so I'll just say it's faster and more aggressive than your average Gabber track. It has some noticeable similarities with Speedcore (vocal chops, drum patterns .etc)

Example: Danny Ovington - Cocaine MF (Tim Shopp Remix)
Artists: Noisekick, The Destroyer, RedOgre, DJ Smurf, DJ Skinhead, Tense, Nevermind, Drokz, SRB, Akira
Labels: Noisekick Records, Airfight Records, This Is Terror, GGM (Geordie Gabba Mafia), Hong Kong Violence

• Speedcore: Fast as fuck boiiiii, seems to be getting more recognition in recent years due to rhythm games (I have no hard evidence to back this up) 300 BPM distorted kick drums that can range from black trench coat school shooter waiting to happen levels of edgy all the way over to clown dancing at a birthday party levels of silly, certainly not for everyone but I fucking love it (has an amazing community of producers in Japan)

Example: m1dy - 37 Dicks
Artists: m1dy, Kobaryo, Komprex, Jimmy S, Quick Brown Fox, Loffciamcore, Gabba Front Berlin, DJ Freak, Lord Lloigor, Passenger of Shit
Labels: SKRD!!!, Psycho Filth Records, Noistorm, United Speedcore Nation, Speedcore Worldwide, MADDEST CHICK'NDOM, Canadian Speedcore Resistance, Shitwank Records

• Extratone: Towards the bottom of the musical Iceberg, people tend to laugh this genre off and I can see why. 1000 BPM kick drums and ear rending, abrasive soundscapes that you do not want to listen to while under the influence of anything that speeds up your heart rate. Still as a bridge between harsh noise and hardcore, I can dig it, and there are some producers who do some interesting things at such high tempos

Example: Pyrrhon - House of pain
Artists: Gridbug, Annoying Ringtone, Neocoretex, PRESSTERROR, Ralph Brown, Junkie Kut, Coakira
Labels: Legs Akimbo Records, Extratone Records, SKRD!!!, Speedcore Worldwide, Splitterblast Records, Fujimi Industry Records

• Digital Hardcore: Remember when Alek Empire made good music? Digital Hardcore is a “beautiful” combination of Punk Rock and Hardcore dance music that comes together as a flaming middle finger to the establishment, with one of the first acts being Atari Teenage Riot. As the years have gone on more metal influences have seeped into Digital Hardcore, widening the definition a bit but God damn there's nothing like a distorted 909 over a sick guitar tone

Example: Atari Teenage Riot - Your Uniform (Does Not Impress Me!)
Artists: Atari Teenage Riot, Akira Death, Ozigiri, Moshpit
Labels: Digital Hardcore Recordings (I don’t listen to digital hardcore enough lol)

• Frenchcore: People clown on the French for various things but God damn what an amazing country for electronic music! Early Frenchcore is quite different from what it is now, mainly known for it’s current iteration with big distorted sausage kicks that are just a hair away from clipping the fuck out of your preamp. Not entirely sure why but it shares a good chunk of it's community with Hardtek so it's not uncommon to see producers do both

Example: Lenny Dee, Randy & The Sickest Squad - Boomshakalaka (2016 Rebuild)
Artists: The Sickest Squad, Radium, Adrenochrome, Le Bask, Hellfish, The Speed Freak, Dr. Peacock
Labels: Peacock Records, Audiogenic, Frenchcore Worldwide

• Hardtek: Associated with free parties and dudes with dreads. 190 BPM often copyright infringing goodness, has become my go to genre to spin at parties and people who've never heard it tell me how much they like it! I've never been able to really discern what separates it from “Tribecore” but that's technically another genre (Raggatek is super similar so I'll just include it in this section)

Example: Guigoo - Just 1 Love
Artists: Billx, Mat Weasel, Floxytek, Guigoo (FANT4STIK) Harry Potar, C3B, T-Menace, Dr. Looney, Tanukichi, E-Coli, Vandal, Lolistyle Gabbers, Mandidextrous, MikkiM, Loctek
Labels: Undergroundtekno, Narcotek, Kaotik Soundsystem, Amen4tekno, Raggatek Power, Hardtek.jp

• Breakcore: Has seen a rise among the zoomers and Tiktok kids due to artists like Sewerslvt and Machine Girl, I'm not here to debate whether or not that's a good thing. Breakcore has it’s roots firmly in Jungle, and you can hear it in a lot of earlier iterations. Breakbeats chopped, screwed and mangled with loads of samples from any number of sources. Brutal and fast with ragga vocals, distant and moody with loads of reverb and rave sounds or goofy and dumb with pop samples and fast kick drums there's a little something for everyone here and I hope people don't stop at just Sewerslvt and Machine Girl (I like both SS and MG)

Example: Repeater - Collision Repair Specialist
Artists: Ruby My Dear, Bong-Ra, Rotator, Venetian Snares, DJ Skullvomit, Kyou1110, Ladyscraper, XÄCKSECKS, DJKurara, Squarepusher, Passenger of Shit, Epsilon, Goreshit
Labels: Day of the Droids, Breakcore Gives Me Wood, Murder Channel, Super Bad Midi Breaks, PEACE OFF RECORDS, Shitwank Records, Bloodyfist Records

• Gabber: Wait didn't we already do this one? Sort of! After OG Gabber died a new generation started, like Hardstyle this genre has gone through many different changes and is worthy of it's own thread. It's a genre I have a lot of love for and is one that would make most people's eyes go wide when I would show it to them lol. I don't like the direction Gabber has gone in recent years but I'll always have my favorite era to look back on

Example: Evil Activities - No Place To Hide
Artists: Angerfist, Outblast, Art of Fighters, Neophyte, Ophidian, Andy The Core, I:Gor, Evil Activities, Unexist, Mad Dog, Stunned Guys
Labels: Enzyme Records, Masters Of Hardcore, Deathchant Records, Hong Kong Violence, Dogfight Records, Industrial Strength

• J-Core: The older I've gotten the more I dislike this name. I can't for the life of me find this article but in it I want to say DJ Sharpnel said that J-Core was used on file sharing clients and forums to classify ANY KIND of Japanese Hardcore. To me J-Core doesn't have defining sound (like Frenchcore) and it's used very loosely to the point where it's kinda useless. Which isn't to say you shouldn't check out Japanese Hardcore artists because holy shit it was life changing for me!

Example: Anglerfish Team - Enter Enter MISSION! (DJ Sharpmarker Remix)
Artists: REDALiCE, t+pazolite, DJ Sharpnel, Noizenico, DJ TECHNORCH, DJ Genki, DJ Myosuke, NNN, Roughsketch, Kobaryo, DJ Noriken, P*light
Labels: Shaprnel Sound, 999 Recordings, HARDCORE TANO*C, Solidbox Records, C.H.S, Japanese Stream Hardcore, Sketch-up! Recordings

• Crossbreed: A combination of Industrial Hardcore and Drum & Bass, not gonna lie I've never heard much of the DNB influence in this creature but holy shit this stuff can knock a tooth loose. Tight snares, dirty kicks and a dark atmosphere all combine to make something so fucking awesome that even the most snooty Drum & Bass head can be swayed by it’s dark powers

Example: The Outside Agency - Prepare to Die
Artists: Eye-D, DJ Hidden (The Outside Agency), Igneon System, C-Netik, Hallucinator, Switch Technique, Sinister Souls, Counterstrike, Lowroller, The Satan
Labels: Genosha One Seven Five, PRSPCT Recordings, Oblivion Underground Recordings, Abused Recordingz, Future Sickness Records

• Hands Up: Remember the 2000s? Remember when Hands Up could chart and be played on mainstream radio? Ahhh good times… One of the softer forms of Hard Dance, I guess you could consider it pop music but boy do I sure love it and all it's bubble gum goodness, still going strong away from the limelight!

Example: Cascada - Everytime We Touch
Artists: Danceboy, CLAWZ, Summertunez, The Italo Brothers, Rob Mayth, Aki, Smile dk, Vau Boy
Lables: Hands Up Legacy (I can’t find many labels lmaooooo)

• Eurobeat: I mean… I'm sure most people know about this one. Evolved from italio disco with it's catapult to recognition being the Anime “Initial D” I'm not 100% sure it's Hard Dance, but lots of hard dance fans I know fuck with it so I'll put it here! A hard to describe kick sound and blaring synths trying to emulate brass with some vocals by dudes with noticable European accents! What's not to love?

Example: Smile.dk - Koko Soko (AKIBA KOUBOU Eurobeat Remix)
Artists: Oddesy (Ken Blast), A-One, Go2, Lupin, Hot Blade, Za-Za
Labels: avex (specifically the Super Eurobeat comps, I’m being a little lazy here but holy fuck there are so many that it's more than you could ever ask for)

• Hard Trance: Back when Hardstyle was new, Hard Trance and it were hard to distinguish. There are a few variations of Hard Trance but my favorite will always be Gated Kick Hard Trance. If you can imagine Hardstyle percussion mixed with Trance Melodies then you've already got a good idea of what it sounds like. Not as popular as it used to be but somehow stays alive

Example: Josh Lang - Sawtooth Highway
Artists: Luca Antolini, Andrea Montorsi, Splinta, Kid Kaos, Alex Kidd, Josh Lang, Log:One, Nomad, Pacific Link, Yoji Biomehanika
Labels: Kiddfectious, Therabyte, K405 Records, Lashed Music, Trancefuzion Recordings, Hell’s House

• UK Hardcore: Happy Hardcore cheese with an offbeat bass. I'm oversimplifying but that doesn't mean I dislike it! I’m willing to bet if Hardstyle wasn't your starting point then you got your start with UK Hardcore.

Example: Darren Styles - Satellite (Update)
Artists: Nu Foundation, Nanobii, Rythmics, Gammer, Darren Styles, Re-Con, Brisk
Labels: Together We Rise (TWR), Relentless Vinyl, Next Generation Records, Lethal Theory, Nu Energy

• Schranz: When I think rave music this is one of the first that comes to mind, a genre of Germanic origin with galloping kicks that pound on your brain. I'm not huge on Hard Techno but God damn do I love me some Schranz

Example: Julyukie - Hard Techno Junkie (Slugos Remix)
Artists: Eto & Gab, Viper XXL, Instigator, O.B.I, Slugos, Greg Notill
Labels: Bitshift, Hardsignal, Pounding Grooves, Kombination Research, Skizofrenik Records

• Hard House: To me there's two iterations of Hard House, American and UK. American Hard House had a pretty major scene on the West Coast (specifically in California), more hardcore influence with some leanings into Jumpstyle of all things. Really amazing stuff, and when you find a hard house mix CD uploaded to YouTube you can find plenty of people reminiscing about the good times had at the arena. UK Hard House is more bouncy, it kinda sounds like Makina at a slower tempo. I've heard the term “Scouse” thrown around but have never been able to find a proper definition of it :/. I don't know as much about the history of UK Hard House but I still love it all the same!

American Example: DJ Work - Hocus Pokus
UK Example: Mark Kavanagh - Is Everybody Ready?
Artists: Tidy Boys, Darren R, George Centeno, BK, DJ Irene, Lisa Lashes, Tony De Vit, Poogie Bear, Mauro Picotto
Labels: Underground Construction, Nukleuz, Tidy Trax, Jump Wax Records, Tripoli Trax

It started as a weekend trip to Las Vegas. A three-day weekend was coming up, some friends wanted to add spice to their lives and Vegas was on the bucket list. Not mine, theirs. I wanted to stay home and watch old cartoons I bought from a video store, maybe just sleep in that Friday. Maybe I didn’t make it clear to them, or maybe they just ignored me, but they had already bought me a plane ticket and booked a hotel room.
With it being too late to refund everything, so out of financial obligation, I couldn’t let that money go to waste and be a bad, boring friend.
We landed and reached the hotel before noon. I had five friends with me and everyone was feeling the excitement, especially one - Sadie. Sadie was the group extrovert, the leader. She didn’t suggest Vegas, but she sure as hell put herself in charge the moment the others considered the trip. Standing in front of us in the hotel lobby, she held a list of places for us to check out.
I stood by and let her list them off, everyone casting votes on which places to skip, which places to start with, and which ones to save for last. What we ended up with was a schedule starting with the most fun and physically demanding stuff, gradually leading towards the more exciting, unsavory stuff. I had already mentally decided to call it when evening rolled around to avoid the clubs.
I guess I am a boring friend.
I will say this about Vegas, a lot of places are surprisingly clean. Don’t get me wrong, we saw plenty of streets that looked like the physical manifestation of a painful hangover, but many were straight out of Hollywood. It’s colorful, it’s loud, it’s a theme park that people live in. It was almost surreal when we ended up on streets that looked plain and ordinary.
Men in suits, kids leaving school, that kind of thing. I guess I knew very little about Las Vegas, of course, a lot of it is normal, but still, I found it interesting. When we turned down onto a street where the buildings looked like modern art, I knew I would be in for a hell of a time. Day drinking, slot machines, live shows, you name it.
I can admire the work and effort they put into all of it, but it just wasn’t for me. When we had dinner at what I thought was a nice casino restaurant, until I saw the male servers were in very tight, revealing outfits, I had just about mentally checked out.
“Hey, I think I’m done,” I said. Before the chorus of “Aw”s could get any louder. “I’m tired. The…the flight gave me a headache and everything.”
“I have a pill for that in my purse,” one said.
“I-I think rest is better right now. You guys have fun though, try not to stay out…too late.”
I felt older with every word and excuse. I’m twenty-eight and I was talking like I was forty-eight. That being said, the amount of free relief I felt walking into that empty hotel room was criminal. I must have felt tired to some degree because the bed I fell onto had my eyes drooping. It was the cool, soft, Egyptian cotton sheets that had me feeling that sleep was the finest pleasure on Earth - I know that says a lot about me, but still, it was pretty good.
I turned the TV on, and flicked through channels, finally ending up on a new episode of How It’s Made. Well, maybe it was an old episode, I don’t know. What I can say for sure is that my brain was locked in and as the sun fell beyond the horizon, I was gone.
*
I woke up to a call. My phone was buzzing beside my head, the vibrations doing more to wake me up than the lighthearted jingle I had for a ringtone. I said the name - Sadie.
“Yeah?” I groaned. “What’s up? It’s five in the morning…where are you guys?”
“Hey, you’re really missing out here,” Sadie’s voice was garbled by music. “We’re up the road, towards the red place. We’re in the club with the big green monster truck out front. You can’t miss it. Come on!”
She hung up before I could say anything.
“You underestimate me,” I muttered.
I turned over in bed and looked out the window. The city was alive, even after a full night. Lights and sounds, the distant thumps of music. There had to be some stellar muting in the walls because I could see that the party was not far away.
I thought about going. It was the idea of missing out that bothered me a little because I didn’t think I was missing out. Yet, when so many people you call friends say that you are, you start to wonder if you really know how to live. Maybe the happiness you feel from simple things isn’t as potent as the happiness you get while being drunk in a club with your friends.
“Screw that,” I said.
I knew that was a dumb way of thinking, but I also didn’t feel that tired anymore. The least I could do was enjoy the trip my own way and at that moment, I just wanted to go for a walk. Not in the streets, of course, but I did remember Sadie mentioning on her list of activities a walk-thing just outside the city.
I was the only one who was interested, and she didn’t seem too enthusiastic when she told us about it either. I got out of bed and texted her, asking for the address, to which she sent me the Google business thing. No official page or anything, just a barebones minimum. It lacked that Vegas flair everything had and for me, that was a plus.
*
Just after midday, I arrived at the place.
I paid the taxi guy and jumped out into the heat. I always had decent clothing for the outdoors with me - it was like my entire wardrobe. Yet, the heat was still a surprise. I guess being in a cool car for half an hour would make it feel like stepping into an oven.
The trail started a small collection of shacks, with one larger building that looked like it was in good condition. It was painted an ugly yellow, with small cartoonish paints all around it, like a cactus character, a tumbleweed, with some classics like the Road Runner and Wile E, Coyote thrown in for good measure.
I don't think they were going for a Cowboy theme, but that’s what I felt when I saw the owner - a tall woman, wearing chaps, a 10-gallon hat, and a checkered shirt. She looked like she had seen some things, just shocking the way the skin beneath her eyes seemed to bubble. Yet, when she saw me, she gave me the warmest smile.
“You must be Cassandra, right?” she greeted, marching over with her hand outstretched.
“Uh…yes, that’s me,” I said, holding mine out. She took and shook my arm like a wet noodle. “I’m not too late?”
“Not at all,” she said. “Some eccentric fellas are already set up for the first group today, there’s still time to join them before they go.”
“Group?”
“Yes, I find it’s better to send people in groups. Less chance of people getting lost, or bunching up on the trail. Better for pictures, you see?”
“Right.”
“We also have a route for horses if you’re interested in-”
“No, no horses, scare the sh-uh…they scare me. I will stick with the walking group.”
“Fair enough, I won’t press you.”
I always hated it when people said that. Nothing made me feel more ‘pressed.’ Still, she was the sweetest lady - sweeter than honey in iced tea. I didn’t say anything more and followed her to the start of the trail. There was clear signage with numbers near the fences and gates, indicating the different trails. The trail she pointed me to didn’t have a sign or number.
“The first group should be waiting there,” she pointed down the trail toward a large rock. “They are set to leave in five minutes. Do you have everything you need?”
“Water, hat, and sunscreen,” I said.
“Good, it’s hot now, but it will get cool later - a little-known fact about the desert,” Dorothy said, painting up a finger as if she expected me to take note.
Of course, I knew that already.
I nodded and started walking up the trail toward the rock. She already started her march back to the main building. I was feeling pretty good, even excited. I love the openness of the desert and I was hoping that being twenty minutes out of Vegas I would get to enjoy the natural beauty of it all.
There was a group of people waiting by the rock, but looking at them was a little…weird. I mean, I don’t want to show my ignorance, but I think they were religious or just had some kind of cultural thing going on. Maybe I was about to walk with some foreigners from overseas, or it was some kind of larping group…I don’t know.
There were at least twenty people there and it was hard to tell if they were all men or not because they were dressed in robes from head to toe. Not flowing robes either, but a lot more neat and constricted. My first real thought wasn’t, “What the hell are they wearing?”, but, “How the hell haven’t they melted?”
All but one of their robes were red, but the last one was black. He stood tall and straight, the first one to turn in my direction. Upon seeing them, I was already psyching myself up to say something. Approaching a group of people alone was terrifying. As you can guess, Sadie and her group were the ones who ‘adopted’ me at work - I was just happy they did because I would have never gone up to them.
“Room for…room for one more?” I said with a forced smile. I was a little quiet at first, but better a little too quiet than a little too loud.
The ones in the red robes turned from me and looked at the one in black.
“Please do,” the man said. “Have you been on this trail before?”
“No, first time,” I answered.
“Be sure to stick close and conserve your energy. It is to be a long walk.”
The man in the black robes pointed towards the desert, the distant rocks, and the sparse foliage. It felt so surreal, but right. Like I had stepped into the adventure I wanted. Only, something kept throwing me off. It was the silence from such a large group.
When we started on the path, I didn’t hear anything from the people in the red robes. The only one I had heard speak up until that moment was the one in the black robes. He would speak to me every few minutes, usually to point something out, but the gaps between those moments were growing larger.
Initially, I thought he was a guide, but it became clear as he drifted into the others that he was just familiar with the trail. I was too shy to keep the conversation going, finding myself just enjoying the sights.
The range of colors was just incredible. So many people think the desert is just muted, dry colors, but there are just so many shades of light and dark. The vibrant oranges when we found ourselves in a ravine were stunning.
We followed a stream in that shallow ravine until the trail opened into the desert again. It was just in time to see the sun settle beyond the horizon.
“The sky becomes like blood,” the man in the black robes said behind me. I jumped, not at his voice, but because I thought I was at the back of the pack. I wanted to keep everyone in view. “A beautiful red, yes?”
I turned to look at him. He was looking at me. I could see his eyes, his pale skin, through the slit in the robes. It was odd to look at because his hands were dark. Another cultural thing maybe? When I had finally registered his words as a question, I stuttered in response.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, feeling a chill run down my spine. I took the hoodie out of my backpack and pulled it on. “Amazing how fast the cold comes in too, huh?”
“Yes…do you think you can make the walk back?” he asked.
“We should almost be there, so…”
“No, no, we are quite far now,” he corrected. “By night, the journey back should be quicker, five hours seems about right.”
My heart sank. I thought we had taken some turns and were just about to see the start of the trail again over the hill. Yet, looking around, I should have been able to see that distant glow of Vegas. Instead, all I saw were dark, robed figures, shambling ever onward into the desert. My water had run out, my phone had long since died and I was hungry.
My panic was stiff at first, but I began to hear it in my voice.
“Then let’s turn back,” I said.
“You can go back, we are heading somewhere else,” the man in black said.
“Is it close?”
“Very, but you won’t be able to join us…not as you are.”
He looked me up and down. I wondered if he was referring to my clothes and how I stood out amongst them, but something in those eyes showed a different kind of…disgust. It was like my entire existence didn’t fit in, not just my clothes. His tone was growing more serious and less friendly as well - he was losing patience.
At that moment, I noticed a building noise. A rumbling, which I mistook for chatter amongst the men and women in red robes, but as it grew louder, it sounded more like an uncoordinated hum. Like they were all humming a song none of them knew the lyrics too.
“Again…too late,” he murmured. “As it should be, so it is.”
“Too late?” I repeated.
“Mind where you step,” he told me. “Once your weight is on your foot, your choice is made.”
The humming had reached a breaking point in the tone. The night sky became a lot darker, and the stars and moon vanished. The midnight blue became pitch black - a surreal void. It felt like something was blocking it out of sight because that same darkness seemed to move wherever I looked.
Yet, the desert remained illuminated by some strange source of light. I could see the red robes against the pitch black, and watch as they marched across the sands. I was overwhelmed by a sense of dread, a feeling of weakness. My whole body began to ache and every effort seemed to strain my muscles and even my bones.
I knew this feeling. The one bubbling inside of me. It was many years ago when I was a child. I was coughing in bed, constantly, day after day. That weakness kept me wondering how hollow I could get. I felt as weak and flimsy as a thin plastic bag. My heart, I could feel its every beat, as if all my insides were numb and only it soldiered on.
I was waiting for it to give out.
The people in the red robes began to shed their blood-red fabric. Naked forms that began to age and decay before my eyes. A space in the inky void ahead of them opened up, a shining white door, tall and thin. The way was clear and I didn’t have it in me to walk on.
I was terrified.
“Why are you scared?” the man in the black robes asked. “What awaits you is an end to the pain. Keep walking strong.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder and guided me. The people ahead of me were growing more grotesque by the second. I had no idea what made our bodies, so I was made to watch them unmake themselves. The skin, the fat, the pus, the blood. The shades of red began to turn blue and green.
My head was burning inside. I felt dehydrated.
While my body was in a state of shock and fear, my mind was trying its best to grip reality, to steer me away. The man in the black robes seemed to sense it because he stopped walking and looked at me. With all my energy, I looked at him.
“You cannot go back now,” he told me. “Your life is with them…it is only natural to pass over to the next plane.”
I felt the heat of tears. It was just like those nights years ago. The very real fear of death. I am ashamed of it now, but I was not thinking of my loved ones, not even my family. I didn’t think of all the wrong I did, the regrets I had. When I looked into that man’s eyes, all I thought was, “Why now?”
The man seemed to sigh, but I didn’t hear the exhale. His shoulders slumped and the humming faded completely. The shambling corpses turned around to look back at me with their empty sockets.
“The dead must be laid to rest,” he said. “It is only natural. The earth will bind the body, and free the spirit.”
The man in black grabbed both my shoulders, twisted me around, and began to lay me on the ground as if I weighed nothing. I couldn’t move. I could only watch as he began to scoop the sand with his hands over me.
I heard the rumbling again, but it sounded angry. I looked up, as far as I could with my neck arched. I could see the world upside down, the white arch, and the silhouettes of the dead against that divine light. The corpses were moving closer and they radiated malice.
More tears and even a pathetic whimper.
“Hush,” the man in the black robes said. “They are not upon you yet.”
He was working fast, and only a few seconds later I could feel sand over every inch of my body. He finished by pouring the sand over my face, covering me completely. I heard the dead close in. I heard a muttering of words, then I heard his screams. I try not to imagine the pain one must feel to make those sounds.
He was still alive, but his cries grew further away as they carried him towards the white arch. I could gather this much from what I heard. As his voice faded, the rumbling ceased and strength returned to my body. I could breathe, and I was breathing in sand.
With a choking gasp, I sat up, coughing and spluttering. I noticed immediately the pink and purple hue of the sky. On my back, I felt the warmth of the morning sun. Looking all around, I saw nothing. No dead people, no man in black, no inky sky and white arch.
All the evidence I had was the blood on the sand and it trailing off before stopping completely.
*
I found a road and somebody to point me in the direction of Vegas, but they weren’t willing to give me a lift back. Luckily, after an hour or two of walking, someone else. I watched as we drove past the road leading to the yellow building where the trail began. I think I even saw Dorothy talking to a group of tourists.
When I arrived at the hotel, I dug my room key out of a sandy backpack and held it in front of the machine. It still worked and a few seconds later, I was taking a shower, trying to let the hot water bring a little more warmth to my body.
All the while, I thought about that man in the black robes.
He wasn’t a dead man, not like the others. He didn’t seem evil, but he didn’t seem sane either. No matter what conclusions I made about him, I realized that he saved my life and paid a price for it. A thought that snapped everything into place and I cried in that shower as all the feelings rushed at me at once.
I spoke about this experience with only one person - a priest. I don’t think he believed a word I said, not truly. I think he thought I was talking about a dream, or more accurately, a nightmare. Yet, he showed enough concern to say something wise and biblical about sacrifice. It wasn’t his words that convinced me to refind my faith.
It was the thought of believing in nothing when something like that happened to me. It didn’t sit right. That’s what I gained for the price that someone else paid. I pray that it is enough.