I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

What’s up guys, been cruising after a cycle. The cruise is ~160mg and I’m pinning 3x week. Just occurred to me that the half life is 3.5 days. Curious as to the amount of test that is in my system.

I started on 150mg extended release over a week and a half ago (12 days to be exact) for depression. I am also autistic. I was already depressed and experienced suicidal thoughts/ideation at times (this has always been a part of my life, since childhood) but recently it has only been more passively (not planning to act on anything or taking steps to do so).
First, I can’t talk to a doctopsychiatrist. I’m in a weird situation but will be able to see a doctor for the first time next Tuesday.
I noticed no affects at first, but am increasingly having huge mental breakdowns—crying for hours on end, actively suicidal/planning, can’t control my emotions. It’s hard to tell if this is the natural progression of my already really bad mental health, or if the medication is talking. I’m increasingly suspicious. I feel so unwell and so scared.
I see people who say “stop taking it immediately” and I’ve also seen people say they went through the same thing only for it to subside after two weeks and their life changed after pushing through. I also know it can increase suicidal ideation especially in ages 20-25, and I fall within this category.
Does anyone have a similar experience? What did you do?

Hello child free subreddit. I’m 21F and became conditioned like most other women to wanting kids when i’m older. The discussion has been suffocating me for as long as i can remember. So by default i had the mindset of “when im in my late 20’s/early 30’s i want 2 kids. For the first time in my life recently i’ve reconsidered this. Everyone around me has expected me to become a mother since i am the oldest child in my family and am a very maternal person. This hasn’t added any pressure but i felt like it’s important to say. I guess as of recent ive thought about more of what i want in my future rather then what ive been conditioned to want. I enjoy life rn because the only person i have to take care of is me but even half the time i can’t take care of myself because of mental health issues. So the thought of having to take care of children doesn’t sound as wonderful as it used to. I guess im in a middle ground rn and slightly leaning towards being child free because I see more positives in it and want to continue taking care of only me and my partner. I guess my only worry is feeling regretful that i didn’t fulfill this void of having kids but yeah as of now im leaning towards being child free. I’m wondering if there’s anyone else in their early 20’s feeling similar?

I wish I never had to interact with another man again.
It's just done now. It's over. I will never, ever, ever trust a man again.
I had kids youngish at 24 because I thought I had met the love of my life. I have just been through so much pain and heartbreak. I have never had a positive male role model.
I got abandoned by my father and then adopted and then abandoned by my adoptive father. My grandpa's were not in my life. I thought my highschool track coach was the nicest guy ever and actually believed in me but turns out he was just fucking my mom. I was raped 3 times in my early 20s. My first boyfriend was incredibly abusive.
I'm 31 now and have spent the last 7 years trying to survive motherhood with a complete asshole of a husband who treated me like complete shit after I got pregnant, cheated on me multiple times, gaslit, stonewalled, etc. I have tried so hard to be the best mother, homemaker, and wife possible. I'm so exhausted. My kids are finally almost both in school and preschool. I've finally gotten hit with this wave of anger the past few months but it's more like acceptance that I genuinely don't care if I never date or have sex again I am just 100% done with men. I'm sick of competing with younger, hotter women that my husband flirts with and lusts after while neglecting me. I'm ready for my wise old woman era. Like I don't care if prince charming showed up at my door one day and offered me the world. I'm done.
I dont want any man to take any energy from me ever again.

My sister(favorite person) gave up her child for adoption when she was in her teens. Now that child has come back into her life suddenly as he is old enough and I feel super threatened. Like they’re saying how different holidays may be and how now they need a bigger house because he has kids so they are suddenly grandparents. My sister is one of my favorite people and I feel so happy for her finding her child and connecting but also scared that our relationship and everything about us will change. Like my BPD is so triggered that she will suddenly like me less and want less to do with me because they are back in her life and now she technically has grandkids. I’m moving in with her as my housing situation is changing and I’m scared she won’t want me to live there now so that there is an open room for the new family that’s in her life. Everything feels threatening now and half of me wants to disappear on her before she has a chance to abandon me. Our stable relationship feels shaky in my head as I don’t know how to let someone else in with this change. I’m not sure if I’m insane or if this is normal to feel. I just needed to vent but advice is also ok if anyone wants to provide it.

I'm just wondering if this is a thing. It's a pattern I have noticed in my life for years, every time. I didn't know I had Fibro for a long time.
I used to think it was the diffusion of the concentrated pain and toxins into the rest of my body before it worked its way out.
The worst time it happened was last summer when I massaged and pain-creamed a really bad pulled shoulder (so bad I saw a doc), and soaked in a hot tub off and on for a day and a half. Afterward, I couldn't move. I couldn't even adjust my body watching TV, my body was insanely sore and heavy. But the shoulder was fixed.
Does this happen to anyone? Or does my diffusing toxin theory hold any weight?
I am also thinking hot tubs can help cause a flare as well.

Backstory: I was raised in an abusive household where my mom physically and verbally abused my brother and I. My mom refused to financially support me, there was never food in the house, she strangled me, slapped me, called me lazy, etc etc. My dad did nothing to stop her and played the good guy. We had a good relationship but as I became an adult our relationship has changed. I left home at 17 and supported myself through college. I have since moved across the country and am getting married. I have spoken to my parent several times about my upbringing which has gotten me some excuses and some half assed apologies.
My dad is becoming quite politically incorrect as he gets older and also manipulative. Lots of guilt tripping, lying. My mom and I have managed to have an ok relationship where she comes across as pretty loving to me despite the past. My dad pulls a lot of "she's your mom she loves you, you are making her upset" if anything happens between her and I". My mom and my dad's parents do not get along. We were estranged from my dad's family for most of my life given my dad's father being an abusive alcoholic. His dad is very sexist, racist, homophobic every time I see him and has gone so far as to grab my ass. He also apparently wished I was stillborn.
My dad has been claiming his mother is about to die for the past 5 years and is always telling me I need to go see her when I am home before she dies and so I felt guilted into inviting his parents to my wedding. A few months ago, she needed surgery and we were all certain she would not make it to the wedding. Since this, we found out my dad's father has been taking her Dilaudid and drinking and he was taken to emerg. I asked my father to speak to his parents about maybe it being best they do not come. He said he would. He then called me later to say they are coming. I told my parents they would have to sit with them and my mom got very angry and refused. I said I would call and uninvite them if it was going to turn into a big issue. My dad then got very angry.
More backstory, my parents have never given me money for anything up until this point but my father upon our engagement had insisted on giving us a small amount of money for the wedding which I said I did not want but he e transfered it to me anyway. My parents have also bought decorations and when I have said I am unsure about things they bring up the money.
So back to this fight, I called my fiance because my parents and I hung up. My fiance called my dad to try to work something out and my dad told him he didn't know what he was talking about. I then called my dad back and said if this is how things were going to be I would feel more comfortable transferring the money back. My dad then told me if I did this, my fiance would be dead to him. I apologized for having offended him and said I wouldnt give the money back and conceded on having my grandparents come and having the decorations and seating arrangement my parents want.
Obviously this is super fucked up. I thought more about it over the next few weeks and I talked to my dad and I told him if that's the case then I'm dead to him to. My dad then admitted he just said that to manipulate me into not sending the money back. He also claimed it was a joke and I should've known not to take it seriously. At this point with him admitting the manipulation I'm so angry. Since then he's also texted me asking me why my fiance isn't responding to his texts and accusing me of telling my fiance what he said, and saying I don't need to be starting drama in the family.
I am absolutely dreading the wedding and want to uninvite him entirely but I know if I do it will destroy the relationship with my mom and probably my brother as well. I also want to uninvite my grandparents on his side but I feel bad as they are kind of just collateral damage.
WIBTA here? Should I just concede and shut up and get on with the day?
Edit: I should add the wedding is next month. My fiance is supportive of whatever I want to do. We are both 30 and my parents and in their 50s. My brother agrees the way we were raised is fucked up and I have talked to him about everything and he is of the mindset that because they are family we have to keep them in our lives. He lives near them and keeps up a relationship with them. They amount of money is $5000. It is sitting untouched in an account. We have already paid for the wedding without it.

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The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.
How do I mend this relationship between my wife and my mother?

So I (30M) live in a state with not a lot in the way of work or any kind of future, especially with me being unskilled labor. I’m at a dead end job that’s future is uncertain and I’ve been complaining about it. My mom says that she wanted me to go to college and move from the area but I was stubborn and “she failed as a mother to motivate me”. Now here is the thing. It was exactly the opposite. When I was in high school my mom would get in my face and yell about how I thought I was better than the “good people” of our rural area and how horrible the people of New York City and Los Angeles are. Now an important bit of context is that during high school I was a dumb redneck and the places I wanted to move to were like tiny towns in Alabama or Tennessee. I have never given LA or NYC any kind of thought tbh. I should mention that when my mom was in her 20s she traveled all over the country and even outside of it (lived in London for a few months).
The other big one she does is over me not going to college. She talks how she really wanted me to go but I just showed no interest. For years my dad would comment that I was going to a specific college and I just assumed that was that. Around the time high school was ending for me my mom told me that my dad saying that was only ever a joke. My mom would then consistently say how what I wanted to go to college for (History) was not really useful for a career and I would probably be miserable at college and so on. And she very heavily pushed me to go to trade school for welding so I could be a blacksmith (yes, a blacksmith) and I would come out of it with a job almost guaranteed make around $50K a year as a welder while I built up a blacksmithing business. I have in and went to welding school for two years. Hated the whole thing and have never worked as a welder nor made $50K in the 10+ years since.
She tells me if it bothers me so much that I should just go back to school but 1.) that isn’t feasible for me and 2.) going to college at 30 isn’t the same as 18. Now my mom went to college, has a degree, was part of a sorority, the whole thing. She even has some very close friends that she has been friends with for over 40 years that she met at college. I’m 30 now and not moving away when I was younger or going to college are my two biggest regrets and the things I’m the most insecure about and it really bothers me when my mom not only doesn’t acknowledge the part she played in those things not happening but she now actively says she tried to make them happen. Am I overreacting?
TL;DR my mom pressured me to not go to college or move away after high school and now says that she tried to get me to do both of those and I refused.

i’m a 13 year old girl almost 14 and i’ve been called ugly as long as i can remember. it’s not that i don’t take care of myself. it’s my features. my nose is too big, my lips are too small and one side of my face is so asymmetrical it looks like it’s dripping down from the other half. i shower daily brush my teeth twice a day take care of my skin and that doesn’t affect anything. i’m still ugly. even my own older brother made fun of me because my nose is crooked. i can’t even do anything about it. a rhinoplasty would change my life greatly but id still be ugly, my lips would still be small and my jaw would still be crooked and my eyes would be uneven and droopy. i’m so ugly i don’t know what to do. i can’t even cope, i can’t look in the mirror . makeup doesn’t help since it’s my features. my nose is too big contour doesn’t help. i don’t know what to do. my own friends make fun of me and i’ve stopped talking to a few of them because i couldn’t handle it anymore. now it’s just people online and a few friends. i post stupid trends on tiktok and people in the comments are saying “ why do you look like that” or “ your nose is so big” like i know. i’m crying talking about it. i’ve wanted to be pretty since i was 10 but it’s been so bad the past year. i don’t know what to do. i’m too scared to tell my therapist because she’s gonna be like everyone else and say “but it’s what’s on the inside “ or “you aren’t ugly people are pretty in their own way” it’s so stupid and backhanded. just say i’m ugly atp. i don’t know what to do to be pretty without surgery which i can’t even get . even in the future i don’t know because my family isn’t that wealthy and my parents are super against any surgeries like that. they like people “natural” but i just want to be pretty. i don’t care if i’m pretty and dumb i’m already ugly and dumb i just want to be pretty. looking in the mirror everyday is like having 10 knives through my heart. it’s horrible. i’m getting blocked by online friends when face revealing or saying i look like a man. i know i’m ugly but i don’t want to be. i think i’m nice and considerate to others and id never make fun of the way someone looks. i don’t see anyone as ugly, except for myself. i always see the beauty in others that no one sees in me. why does it have to be me that’s ugly. what do i do?

As an American, I can not for the life of me figure this phenomenon out. It's like half the population thinks driving an EV makes you "a pussy"..you know, because gas powered engines are the manliest things in the world. 🙄 If a Tesla breaks down all you hear and see is "Well, imagine that..a TESLA broke down..."...you know, because Fords, Chevys, Dodge, etc, NEVER break down..🙄
I'm sure this is not the mindset everywhere in the US, but it definitely is a very common one where I live in the midwest. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by this weird behavior considering the "rolling coal" crowds in the US..and we're the same country that thought wearing masks to help prevent spreading a disease made us "weak"..
Goddamn, Americans can be fucking weird.

Morrigan had just finished talking with her sister Horus. Horus said that father was in fact a sorcerer, a user of the powers that her adoptive father had once used. Morrigan was furious and was about to prepare her legion for war against her father. However, she intended to mull over this information while gardening, and spend time with her Lily. However, as she entered her room, she saw a ghastly sight, something that hurt her to the core, more than anything she ever experienced. Her lily in bed, their body connected to all manner of medicare machinery. Their skin was paler than usual. She could hardly see their chest move, and their body appeared paralyzed. Morrigan came to her lily’s bedside. “Apothecary, what is wrong?” The apothecary looked listlessly at the ceiling, their chest barely rising and failing, their arms limp at their sides. Morrigan felt a tear touch their eye, and they wiped it away. “Apothecary, you must tell what is wrong. Apothecary!” She yelled angrily, partly at her own inability to do anything to help them, and partly at the pain her lily was surely suffering through.
Then she heard a rasping voice behind her. A voice that sounded like a manifestation of someone she knew. “Mother. It seems your attachment to this psyker has nearly caused their demise. Pity.”
Morrigan swung her scythe towards the voice, and stopped shortly after seeing the voice was coming from Typhus, who was somehow still alive. “What do you want Typhus?” She said angrily, scythe placed on the cut that had severed his head. “What sorcery has returned you from your death?”
Typhus laughed, a raspy and hoarse laugh. “It matters not how I am here, but why I am here. I have a way to help your beloved apothecary. I can help them; all I need is your word.”
Morrigan looked back to her lily, seeing the immense pain they were in, then looked over at the vibrant garden they had cultivated. She then looked back to her son, in angry contemplation. “I will not be a puppet to whatever sorcerer has returned you to life. You aren’t a son of mine, and I shall not negotiate with you.” Morrigan once again removed Tyhpus’s head from his neck. She told her sons to burn the corpse and then throw the ashes into space. She would not let Tyhpus’s corruption interfere any longer.
She spent the night tending to her garden, taking breaks to check on her Lily, knowing deep inside that they may never get better. However, when she slept that night, she was taken to a nightmarish realm of her sons fighting against her father, their bodies corrupted by chaos. She could hear the bile filled laughter of a creature in the background, cackling at the disgusting sight of what her sons had become.
Finally, it called out to her. “If only cough you could change their croak fate. If only. You can *sickening gurgle* even help your poor apothecary.” The sight of her lily on the bed appeared before her, and Morrigan could feel a slimy hand upon her shoulder, the bile filled breath of some abomination. “I can help them. All you need to do is complete one little favor for me. What do you say, won't you shake a poor man’s hand?” Said the voice, a hand reaching out from the shadows.
Morrigan knew this must be a trick. She could surely heal her lily without the help of this thing, whatever it was. It may require her to do things she would rather not, but at least she would have a choice. At least she wouldn’t sell her soul “I don’t need your help.” She said stubbornly, sure that she did not need to make this deal as much as the voice thought she did.
The voice grunted angrily, showing her further horrors of the future, of bloated bodies, pestilence and plagues that rampaged her sons, her lily and her home world. “Fine. That is your wish” Morrigan was forced to watch as these visions played over and over in her head. The only way she could think of to escape was the one thing she never wished to do. She dug down deep inside, finding the psychic power she always knew she had, but refused to use. Only with the strength of will could she expel the visions from her head.
Morrigan woke up from her nightmare in cold sweats. She looked over to her side, to see her lily lying to her side, still limp, staring listlessly into space. She knew what she must do to help them, but she was not sure if she was truly ready to use sorcery like her adoptive father, or the Emperor, or Magnolia. She decided to mull over this and spend time in the garden, spending time alone with her thoughts. Perhaps then she might find an answer to her troubles.
She spent days alone in her garden, tending to plants that she could barely keep alive. It gave her something to focus on, something to keep her mind away from the choice she had to make. That was until her sons barged into her room, even though she had specifically told them to leave her alone. She got up, scythe at the ready.
Her son ignored the scythe, stating the purpose of his interruption, “Apologies for the interruption Mother, we are in need of the apothecary. The sick and injured are mounting, and we don't have enough personnel. We will lose more than half of our number without their help.”
She looked over to her lily, still laying near death upon her bed, hooked up to a matter of medicae machinery. “They are in no condition to help my son. But if they improve, I will send them down.” She knew her sons would not understand, and she did not want them to. Not yet. She was not ready to face the facts, not yet. But she would need to do the one thing she swore never to do if she wanted to save her sons and keep humanity safe, especially knowing that she knew her father’s true intentions, or at least she knew what he really was... Her sister Horus was probably letting her ambition run free and was trying to use her against her father. So she was the only one left to protect humanity from the ambitions of tyrants, sorcerers and murderers. ‘Ironic’, she thought, as she prepared to use her psychic abilities to heal her lily, so that they may help her sons, and then help humanity. She placed her hands upon their chest, repeating the same process she had seen her lily use many times in the apothecary when she thought they weren’t looking.
They awoke moments later, eyes flickering open as some light returned to their eyes. They gave a weak smile, their voice weak and raspy. “Is something wrong my M’lady? I feel like I’ve been sleeping for days.”
Morrigan laid a hand on theirs and gave them a glass to drink from. “We will talk later apothecary. Once you are ready, you are badly needed in the apothecary chambers. Incoming injured is overwhelming existing personnel.”
They could not read their lady’s face. Was it concern that they saw, fear, something else? How long had they been asleep? Why did their lady give off a psychic energy they had not before? They did not have the answers to these questions, but they knew now was not the time for answers. People were in need of aid, and so queries must wait. They took a sip from the glass, and then prepared to take on their apothecary duties once more.
Morrigan left, giving them privacy and so that she could see the apothecary, help her sons whoever she could. Maybe she could ask her lily about their abilities. Maybe she could find a way to use them for humanity’s benefit? Maybe it would all be for naught, and she would be right about the nature of such sorcery. But that could wait till later.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.

My boyfriend (24) and I (23) live together in a town about 6 hours away from both our families, having grown up in the same town. We reconnected while I was on school break and have not stopped hanging out since. It’s been a little over 3 years. We were madly in love until about 1 year and a half ago, since then, we fight mostly all the time. One week, we got into big brawl outs every single day. For some reason, we cannot communicate calmly, and there’s always a problem. He insists I do not listen, but I don’t know what it is I’m not hearing? I swear I’ll hear every bit and give him my opinion and I didn’t listen. He’s very reactive and and progressively has gotten more angry. He says he will work on his anger if I work on my listening skills and that it’s my fault if he calls me “bitch” or “whore” or ugly. So many names you wouldn’t believe it. And I stay, mainly because we made promises about our future and he says he will never find anyone and will forever be alone if I leave him. And honestly it makes me scared for him because I know for a fact there’s a line waiting for me, not that I’m taking applications. He also has not had a job in over a year and I’ve given him so many options to get one. I even will do his applications for him. His laundry too. He cleans sometimes but hardly ever cooks and I’m the sole financial provider even though we aren’t married. I can’t even pay off school debt. I think I’m ready to break up, but I don’t know I guess I don’t know how to do it verbally and I don’t know what steps to take since we live together. I love him, I’m just so far from happy. I think I could be treated better. Let me know what I should do.

I don't expect the mods to let this through, and if they do then I expect to get a lot of down votes.
When I joined this sub, I expected to see lots of care tips and tricks for people with cats. The best litter boxes, best cheap toys, best expensive toys, best interactive toys, best vet schedules, best cat trees, healthiest food, healthiest treats, best health monitoring methods, best training methods,........ You know...... things that would help someone care for a cat properly.
Instead, it is consistent pictures of wounds on animals that should have already been to a doctor.
I believe that many people here feel this way, because these posts are always met with "take them to the vet" responses.
Maybe I'm just in the wrong sub?

It could have been great. They had the cast and budget to make it great... but Christopher Nolan fucked it.
The soundtrack was maddeningly obnoxious. I turned to my wife (who was already half-asleep) in the middle of the movie and said I wished the soundtrack would just shut up for a moment already. But it never does. There is maybe 5 minutes of the movie where you are not assaulted by the swelling strings, etc of the soundtrack.
The dialogue was also incomprehensible throughout the entire movie. Yes, I know that's a Nolan trademark, and I get the intent, but this film takes this to a whole other level, in my opinion. There were so many scenes where I felt like the importance of the scene was largely conveyed by the dialogue, but I just couldn't fucking hear a word of it. And I know it's not my sound system as I have spent a lot of money on making it as good as it can be for my space.
To top it all off, it does a really bad job at the fundamentals when it comes to any biopic: the general person should finish the movie knowing more about the subject of the film than they started with. If you watch this film expecting to know more about Oppenheimer than you started the movie knowing, you will be sorely disappointed. The aspect of his life covered in greatest detail are his sexual affairs.
I write this as a self-described history enthusiast and as someone who already knew a lot about Oppenheimer and the other important figures of WW2 and the Manhattan Project, so the fact that this film was such a dud was even more of a letdown.

I am a 22-year-old man, and I feel like I'm at the lowest point of my life right now. I've been struggling with depression since I was about 10 years old. It got significantly worse after I graduated from high school at 18, especially when COVID-19 hit. During that time, I tried to ignore my depression, thinking it was just temporary sadness. I tried to tough it out and move on, convincing myself that maybe I wasn't really depressed.
Currently, I feel confused and lost about what to do with my life. I never seem to get the things I want, and I rarely express my true desires. This year has been particularly tough. One day, I feel hopeful and determined to be the best version of myself, and the next day, I feel completely unmotivated and unable to get out of bed.
I recently accepted that I suffer from depression, even though I haven't been formally diagnosed or sought professional help. Here are the reasons why I realized I'm depressed:

1. Low self-esteem: I have very low self-esteem. I feel unattractive and dislike my appearance. I'm 5'4" and weigh 113 lbs. Even though I work out and have a bit of muscle, I still don't feel good about myself. I recently got a buzz cut to try something new, but I ended up disliking it.
   
2. Feeling worthless at work: I feel worthless at my job. My boss is amazing, and I'm his assistant, but I don't do much besides adding things to his calendar and handling emails. I wish I could do more to help him, I always seem so busy but I don't do jackshit.
   
3. Unrequited love: I'm in love with someone I met six months ago, but I don't think I have any chance with her. I've tried to suppress my feelings and be content with just being friends, but it hurts a lot to interact with her and feel like I mean nothing to her.
   I might have missed some points that I wanted to express, and I'm sorry if this text is hard to read or has grammatical errors; English is not my first language. I don't really know why I'm writing this or what I hope to achieve, but I just needed to express my feelings somewhere. I don't have any friends to talk to about this.
   

Sorry for the long read, skip to last paragraph if TLTR. I guess this is more a rhetorical rant, but could just use someone to listen and breakup advice.
My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) just broke up after 6 years. We have been best friends since day 1 and have been proud that our relationship has been based off of a very strong bond built on support, patience, the same humor with an uncountable amount of inside jokes, and at the risk of sounding cringingly corny… pure love and respect. When I met him, I just knew he was it. He was kind, funny, dorky, and gave me butterflies long after the honeymoon phase. When we first moved in together people said “careful, moving can put stress on a relationship.” Not a single fight. We crushed it in one day. He had to move a heavy couch in knee deep snow and didn’t complain once. Our first roadtrip people said “careful, roadtrips can cause tension.” Again, not a single hiccup. Best 2 weeks of our life that we planned to a T and not a single negative thing happened - except too much sun causing some uncomfortable burns and some snippiness that didn’t escalate. Gentle aloe massages and a nap in the AC’d hotel room fixed it. We met early 20s so did a lot of growing together, even a little bit where we grew apart, but pushed through the other side stronger… or so I thought. This past year I started working at a new job and going to school for Nursing. Then his mom died very unexpectedly and honestly horribly. We stayed supportive of each other, went to individual therapy, we kept working. I knew he was holding it together too well and I told him “you’ll be fine until you won’t be.” After she died he barely got any time off work and I could see it wearing on him, but I still feel like everything I was doing for him and taking care of stuff at home and focusing on my own stuff just wasn’t enough. We were fine for the 2 months after his mom passed. Then 2 weeks ago we had a small argument that blew the fuck up. I don’t snap when I’m mad, I shut down until I can calm down, process what I’m feeling and properly articulate it. He said so much stuff he couldn’t take back. He told me that I needed therapy when I’ve been consistently going (he went to 2 sessions then quit), I’m properly medicated, I eat properly, I exercise, I’ve made an effort with friends, I’m working towards my goals… and he hasn’t made any effort with anything which I never blamed him for because HIS MOTHER DIED. Point being I’ve done what I could to better myself. And I knew he was struggling so I did what I could to let him grieve on his own time. But he just decided to treat me like his door mat. He told me he hasn’t been happy with me for a year (first time hearing about this even though I’d try and ask him what I could do to better support him or do to better our relationship or be a better partner for him and he’d always say nothing I’m good). He said he loves me but isn’t IN love with me anymore. He has done this in the past where I feel like we are good then suddenly he hates me or isn’t happy with me and what not. But I just can’t do this anymore. If he doesn’t want to communicate or work through it after 6 years together, then there is nothing I can do.
What is wrong with me though? I don’t know what I could have done any differently. Why am I not good enough? Why wasn’t the 6 wonderful years together not deemed enough to work through stuff, to be open and tell me “hey it bugs when you do this”. To communicate. I’m at a loss. I’m crushed. And I just want to be alone. But I can already tell this is going to suck for a long time and probably affect how I’ll be in future relationships. How the fuck do I get over this? I genuinely thought he was the one.
Thanks if you actually took the time to read all of that. Even more if you reply.