I love my fiance quotes

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
get a tarot reading
how often should you get a tarot reading
should i get a tarot reading
is it good to get a tarot reading
how much does it cost to get a tarot reading
how often should i get a tarot reading
best time to get a tarot reading
reasons to get a tarot reading
where can i get a tarot reading
why you should get a tarot reading
get a tarot reading online
getting a tarot reading in a dream
how to get the tarot card at arasaka tower
how to get the tarot card above misty
what age can you get a tarot reading
how to ask for a tarot reading
ways to do a tarot reading
how to get tarot reading
what to do if you get a bad tarot reading
what to know before getting a tarot reading
what to expect when getting a tarot reading
get a tarot reading for free
a tarot reader
is it bad to get a tarot card reading
when you get a bad tarot reading
best tarot cards to get in a love reading
can you get a bad tarot reading
how to get a better tarot reading
can you get a tarot reading online
where can i get a tarot card reading
can i get a free tarot reading online
how often should you get a tarot card reading
get a tarot card reading
worst cards to get in a tarot reading
what do you get from a tarot reading
i got a tarot card reading
i want a tarot reading
i need a tarot reading
how to get a free tarot reading
what is a general tarot reading
when should i get a tarot reading
how long should a tarot reading be
how to get a tarot reading
how many times can you get a tarot reading
how to get the most out of a tarot reading
how to get a good tarot reading
is it safe to get a tarot reading
when is the best time to get a tarot reading
why get a tarot reading
learn tarot reading near me
what happens when you get a tarot reading
where to get a tarot reading near me
get a card reader natwest
buy tarot card near me
when not to get a tarot reading
what to get a tarot reading on
buy tarot card online
quick tarot reading
questions to ask when getting a tarot reading
questions for a tarot reading
should you get a tarot reading
getting a tarot reading
what to do when you get tarot cards
get a reading with theresa caputo
where to get a tarot reading
x tarot reversed
z tarot
1 tarot card reading
2 tarot card reading
2 card tarot reading free
2 card tarot spreads
3 tarot reading
3 card reading tarot free
3 card tarot reading new age store
3 card tarot reading questions
4 card tarot reading free
4 tarot card reading
4 tarot card reading meaning
5 card tarot reading free
5 card reading tarot
6 card tarot reading free
how to read a 6 card tarot spread
6 card reading tarot
6 card relationship tarot spread
7 tarot reading
7 card tarot reading free
7 card tarot reading free online
8 card tarot reading
8 card spread tarot reading
9 card tarot reading
how to read a 9 card tarot spread
psychic reading
psychic reading near me
psychic reading free
psychic reading online
free psychic reading by date of birth and time
psychic reading free love
psychic reading cards
psychic readings by danielle
psychic readings by alicia
psychic reading meaning
eva tarot psychic reading
rebecca's psychic reading ted lasso
free psychic reading app
psychic reading ai
psychic reading apple pay
psychic reading banner
bali psychic reading
bobby brown psychic reading
benefits of psychic reading
bts psychic reading
birth chart psychic reading
best psychic reading
psychic reading cards meaning
psychic reading cards deck
daily psychic reading free
dallas psychic reading nyc
david schultz psychic reading
dark psychic reading
dangers of psychic reading
psychic reading elijah vue
psychic readings near me
psychic reading near me open now
elijah vue psychic reading
empress chain spiritual psychic reading
ethical psychic reading
email free psychic reading
experienced psychic reading
elsa psychic reading
psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading for today
psychic reading for riley strain
psychic reading for 2024
psychic reading free by date of birth
psychic reading flyers
psychic reading for aries
psychic reading for elijah vue
free psychic reading for love
free psychic reading cards
free psychic reading for leo
fertility psychic reading free
free psychic reading for virgo
free psychic reading for libra
free psychic reading for cancer
free psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading generator
psychic reading gif
psychic reading german
psychic reading gold creek
gemini psychic reading
gretchen fleming psychic reading
ghost psychic reading
goddess elite psychic reading
kelsey grammer psychic reading
sal governale psychic reading
psychic reading hannah mount sinai
psychic reading hoodie xplr
headache after psychic reading
horoscope psychic reading
howard stern sal psychic reading
henry cavill psychic reading
hand psychic reading
psychic reading in st louis mo
psychic reading in weymouth
impractical jokers psychic reading episode
i get a free psychic reading
i free psychic reading
psychic reading jobs online
psychic reading joslin smith
psychic reader joyce
psychic reader jerry
tarot reading jobs
tarot reading jakarta
tarot reading jobs from home
tarot reading jobs near me
tarot reading journal
tarot reading jobs remote
jungkook psychic reading
joslin smith psychic reading
january psychic reading
jade psychic and tarot reading cape town
kate middleton psychic reading youtube
kyle psychic reading
kim porter psychic reading
kim's psychic reading room
kris jenner psychic reading
kim kardashian psychic reading
kpop psychic reading
kelsey psychic reading
princess kate psychic reading
psychic reading lounge reviews
psychic reading ltd
love psychic reading free
libra psychic reading
leo psychic reading
love psychic reading free by date of birth
live psychic reading free online
love psychic reading online
leo psychic reading today
psychic reading meaning in hindi
psychic reading malaysia
psychic reading malvern
psychic reading meaning in hindi with example
morgan nick psychic reading
matthew perry psychic reading
my psychic reading today
psychic reading near scarborough
nebula psychic reading
nebula astrology and psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading near me
yes or no psychic reading
psychic reading online free
psychic reading online cards
psychic reading on riley strain
psychic reading on elijah vue
psychic reading on samantha murphy
online psychic reading manchester
old port maine psychic reading
online psychic reading
psychic reading pathfinder
psychic reading pismo beach photos
psychic reading pismo beach reviews
psychic reading princess kate
psychic reading quiz
tarot reading questions
tarot reading quotes
tarot reading questions about love
tarot reading quiz
spiritual reading quotes
tarot reading questions about career
tarot reading questions about life
tarot reading queen of cups
tarot reading quezon city
question psychic reading
relationship psychic reading questions
que significa psychic reading
que es psychic reading
psychic reading riley strain
psychic reading royal family
relationship psychic reading free
rebecca welton psychic reading
ryan shtuka psychic reading
random psychic reading
rose renee psychic reading
cameron robbins psychic reading
psychic reading spotify
psychic reading shirt
psychic reading shreveport
psychic reading today
psychic reading tube top
psychic reading template
turkish coffee psychic reading
ted lasso rebecca psychic reading
tarot psychic reading near me
tea leaf psychic reading
today's psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading nyc
true love psychic reading
tiktok psychic reading
taurus psychic reading
psychic reading ubud
tarot reading ubud
tarot reading using playing cards
tarot reading uk free
tarot reading upside down cards
tarot reading uluwatu
spiritual reading ubud
tarot reading unique
tarot reading utah
tarot reading udemy
unintentional psychic reading
online psychic reading us
psychic reader reading uk
psychic reading in urdu
virgo psychic reading
valentine psychic reading
vicki psychic reading
vivid psychic reading
vampire psychic reading
psychic reading with playing cards
what is psychic reading
xplr psychic reading hoodie
x-men psychics
x and y psychic pokemon
x psychopath reader
psychic reading yes or no
tarot reading yes or no
tarot reading youtube
tarot reading yes or no accurate
tarot reading youtube channels
tarot reading yes or no in hindi
tarot reading yes or no horoscope
tarot reading yourself
tarot reading yellow springs
yellow pages psychic reading
can you share your psychic reading
psychic reading 100
psychic reading 101
tarot reading 100 accurate
tarot reading 10 card spread
tarot reading 101
tarot reading 1 card
tarot reading 10 cards
tarot reading 111
tarot reading 10 of cups
tarot reading 1111
1.99 for 10 minutes psychic reading
10 minute psychic reading for $1
2024 psychic reading
psychic number 2 meaning
2 of pentacles psychic revelation
2 of wands psychic revelation
2 swords psychic revelation
tarot reading 3 card spread
tarot reading 3 cards
tarot reading 3 of cups
tarot reading 333
tarot reading 3 kings
tarot reading 31st
tarot reading $35
psychic number 3 meaning
flight 370 psychic reading
3 of swords psychic revelation
3 of pentacles psychic revelation
3 of wands psychic revelation
43551 psychic reading
4 psychic number
4 swords psychic revelation
4 of pentacles psychic revelation
tarot reading 5 card spread
tarot reading 5 of cups
psychic empath 5 books in 1
tarot reading 6 cards
tarot reading 6 of swords
tarot reading 6 of cups
psychic revelation 6 of wands
tarot reading 7
tarot reading 7 card spread
tarot reading 7 of cups
tarot reading 7 of swords
tarot reading 77084
psychic readings 90
tarot reading 9 card spread
tarot reading 94538

“I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief” - C.S.Lewis
I was talking to my therapist about an ongoing situation involving one of my brothers and our mom and when asked how I felt the only answer I had was pissed off/angry. My therapist validated that but also asked what was underneath that anger (like how in the quote above grief was the core feeling, anger was secondary). I honestly didn’t have an answer for my T. Any time I think about him or this very big and complicated situation/dynamic that has come about in the last 2 years I get so mad and while I’m actually against physical vi0lence, I really want to smack my brother upside the head until he gets some sense knocked into him.
Anyway, I guess my question is how do I go about figuring out what’s under the anger when the anger is all I see? I also really struggle to let myself sit with or embrace anger for more than a minute or two so that probably also complicates things. I would really love to go to my next session with more insight into my experience but right now I’m at a total loss.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRa-Alergy posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 9th May 2024
Update - 10th May 2024
​
AITAH for telling my bf that his daughter is not allowed in my apartment because she doesn’t stop smuggling peanuts in?
​
I can’t have any contact with peanuts and I am terrified of them due to some bad experience ms ending up in the hospital. I have my shots now on me all the time. It is not exactly airborne but I could have irritation and if it for example touch something that had been in contact with peanuts i could have swollen eyes and itchy nose and throat. Ingesting is fatal.
She is 14 and has no respect what so ever for my anxiety. My bf and I moved in and she lives with us every other week. Now I told my bf that I don’t want her here because she is not respecting my boundaries. But that I understand that he doesn’t want to live with me in that case we could revert back to him being with me when he doesn’t have his daughter. He got very upset because he said that he loved me and wanted a real relationship and to live in one home.
So I told him that maybe he should be with someone who isn’t allergic then. He thinks I am being very unfair. He said well, she will probably hate the next one too and the next and the next because she wants her mom and me to be together again so it wasn’t “me specifically” that she dislikes. I said that maybe he needs to take a break from dating then until she is onboard but he said that he couldn’t be single just because his daughter wants him to. Before me he was single for 6 years and that wasn’t good enough.
Before we decided to move in together, we have done some “trial” living together and never once did his daughter do anything about the nuts. But now for 4 months she has always peanuts with her. I don’t know why she is doing this. I thought we were cool. She just smirks and says maybe if you are so allergic, maybe you’re not meant to survive(a stand up comedy bit from Louis CK)
​
Comments
​
ERVetSurgeon
NTA but you need to leave this relationship. She thinks it is funny and he doesn't care. The amount of disrespect for your health is amazing.
​
CruelxIntention
This. He’s allowing this instead of getting to the core of it and putting the child in therapy where she clearly belongs. She’s plenty old enough to know this can kill someone and to have complete disregard over that shouldn’t be overlooked. You may love this guy but I’m betting you love breathing more.
​
WonderingGemini84

"You may love this guy but I'm betting you love breathing more."

THIS!!!
You can not love someone when you're dead.
The boyfriend doesn't seem to realise how serious "the no peanuts"-thing is. This is a non-negotable. Your home should be your safe space, she doesn't respect that and he doesn't hear you (or doesn't care enough)
Throw them out OP!!!
​
weeperOfChimneys
NTA, she has all but said she's attempting to kill you with peanuts. Quoting a comedian doesn't make it funny or acceptable. He hasn't bothered to search her and divest her of the nuts when he picks her up either.

OOP: He offered this as a suggestion. Visitation before she entered my apartment but I don’t want this kind of life. I was fine only seeing him on his weeks off. But I understand that he wants something more permanent than meeting every other week so he probably should find another woman

​
YoghurtSnodgrass
She would probably just hide peanuts around his place for you to hopefully come in contact with. Just break up. His kid is trying to kill you.
Where is she even getting all these nuts from? Is her mom buying them for her? Does she buy them from a vending machine at school? How crazy is the little turd?
​
**Judgement - NTA*\*
​
Update - 1 day later
​
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for really caring about a stranger with a dilemma. I was glad that I wasn’t wrong in my guts. I told my bf that I wanted to break up.
He was very sad and tried to reason with me. He suggested that we could live separately. His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18 doesn’t guarantee that she leaves the nest nor that he stops being a father either. Any time she could come across hardships and wants to move home and she needs to find that home. She couldn’t have it with me.
And about living separately, while it is fine now and some few years ahead. What about the future?
He was silent and listening to me. I felt overwhelmed because I love him. He said that the only way his daughter will be happy is when he is alone. She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings. He is just a father. I didn’t know what to tell him and just said that she probably needed time to grow up.
Until he moves out, his daughter is not allowed to be in my apartment. She called and threw a tantrum about her father choosing me instead. That she has the right to live with her father every other week and this shouldn’t change. I didn’t say anything, they need to fix this as a family, I am not a part of this family anymore.
He rented his apartment for a year’s contract so I don’t know how he will manage to find a new or terminate the lease so he could move back to his old apartment. Anyway he is staying here for a couple of months.
I am very sad that this beautiful relationship has come to an end. But I need to think about myself now.
​
Comments
​
he_nooch73
Know you made the right choice for you, your health, your safety. As someone said in your other post ‘you may love him, but you probably love breathing more’. I think you’re right about his daughter never accepting his partners. He needs to address this with her in therapy. I hope her therapist knows about the peanuts because her behaviour is truly disturbing. I’m so sorry your relationship had to end.
Commercial-Ask3416
I feel so bad for you and your boyfriend. I feel like he is stuck between a rock and hard place regarding his daughter. I know people are saying he should discipline her or this and that, but it sounds like it wouldn't work and that she would likely escalate. I work with kids like her. Hoping her not being able to live with her dad the next few months will be a wake up call for her but in my experience I doubt it. Good luck to the both of you, especially him as he has to deal with the fallout. Not your monkey, not your circus anymore.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

My fiance and I have been together since highschool and recently got engaged after 10 years. He proposed to me in Europe on a trip that he paid for, but I planned the itinerary for each day because he hates planning things.
When he proposed it was near the end of our trip and he didn't get on one knee or say anything special. He just said something like it's been a long time coming and presented me with the ring. I said yes and back in the hotel I playfully asked him if he could propose again but on one knee because that's how I've always imagined it and after asking twice he said yes and got on one knee.
A few months later I find out that I got into medical school so I end up moving to a different state. He ends up moving with me after half a year even though he previously said that he won't move to that state because he hates that state. His boss and a few people all told him that it's a bad idea for him to not move with me and he ended up deciding to move after half a year of being apart. He was originally going to move to live with me after 1 year, but stated that he missed me a lot and couldn't be apart with me any longer.
I was the one that decided to hold off on planning a wedding because of medical school and now that it's been a year since he proposed, I don't feel excited about having a wedding or even planning one. I would be the one to plan everything. He did say said that he would help some but that made me even less motivated. I haven't even wanted to try on dresses.
Besides this our intimate life isn't that great. We both are busy with work and school so we have only been having sex like every other week. The only time we have fought in the many years we spent dating each other was because he wanted more sex and I didn't. I have given him many outs in the past because I know that intimacy issues are not good in the long run and I don't want him resenting me, but he said no each time and we stayed together.
There was one point in our relationship where I thought I was asexual and another point when I thought I was bi. My body rejected him at one point and I would just internally cry when we had sex. Thankfully I don't have that feeling anymore when we have sex. Sexually, I know that we are not compatible. We tried many things in the bedroom but it still hasn't improved on the frequency. I get more turned on by reading a spicy romance book than I do with my fiance. I would even hide masturbating until he would fall asleep. I haven't told him that I'm not sexually attracted to him because I know it would break his heart.
I love spending time with him, but we honestly feel like roommates and I feel like both of us are just together for convenience. I asked him a few months ago when he knew that he wanted to marry me and he couldn't come up with an answer. I asked again like a month later and he said something about an experience we had like a year before he proposed. It just made me feel like crap since we had been together since highschool and we are both almost 30 now. We fought a little about how he proposed and it ended in him saying that I can't bring it up ever again and to not talk about it with my friends or family because it makes him look bad.
I know what all the comments are going to say, but I just wanted to write how I'm feeling and potentially see if anyone else has experienced this. Thank you in advance for any advice you give or any roasts. I know deep down that we shouldn't go through with the wedding, but I feel like we might. We both don't want kids. We have two pets that we love dearly. Also I have asked him in the past if we would still talk as friends if we ever broke up and he said that he would never speak to me again.

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
get a tarot reading
how often should you get a tarot reading
should i get a tarot reading
is it good to get a tarot reading
how much does it cost to get a tarot reading
how often should i get a tarot reading
best time to get a tarot reading
reasons to get a tarot reading
where can i get a tarot reading
why you should get a tarot reading
get a tarot reading online
getting a tarot reading in a dream
how to get the tarot card at arasaka tower
how to get the tarot card above misty
what age can you get a tarot reading
how to ask for a tarot reading
ways to do a tarot reading
how to get tarot reading
what to do if you get a bad tarot reading
what to know before getting a tarot reading
what to expect when getting a tarot reading
get a tarot reading for free
a tarot reader
is it bad to get a tarot card reading
when you get a bad tarot reading
best tarot cards to get in a love reading
can you get a bad tarot reading
how to get a better tarot reading
can you get a tarot reading online
where can i get a tarot card reading
can i get a free tarot reading online
how often should you get a tarot card reading
get a tarot card reading
worst cards to get in a tarot reading
what do you get from a tarot reading
i got a tarot card reading
i want a tarot reading
i need a tarot reading
how to get a free tarot reading
what is a general tarot reading
when should i get a tarot reading
how long should a tarot reading be
how to get a tarot reading
how many times can you get a tarot reading
how to get the most out of a tarot reading
how to get a good tarot reading
is it safe to get a tarot reading
when is the best time to get a tarot reading
why get a tarot reading
learn tarot reading near me
what happens when you get a tarot reading
where to get a tarot reading near me
get a card reader natwest
buy tarot card near me
when not to get a tarot reading
what to get a tarot reading on
buy tarot card online
quick tarot reading
questions to ask when getting a tarot reading
questions for a tarot reading
should you get a tarot reading
getting a tarot reading
what to do when you get tarot cards
get a reading with theresa caputo
where to get a tarot reading
x tarot reversed
z tarot
1 tarot card reading
2 tarot card reading
2 card tarot reading free
2 card tarot spreads
3 tarot reading
3 card reading tarot free
3 card tarot reading new age store
3 card tarot reading questions
4 card tarot reading free
4 tarot card reading
4 tarot card reading meaning
5 card tarot reading free
5 card reading tarot
6 card tarot reading free
how to read a 6 card tarot spread
6 card reading tarot
6 card relationship tarot spread
7 tarot reading
7 card tarot reading free
7 card tarot reading free online
8 card tarot reading
8 card spread tarot reading
9 card tarot reading
how to read a 9 card tarot spread
psychic reading
psychic reading near me
psychic reading free
psychic reading online
free psychic reading by date of birth and time
psychic reading free love
psychic reading cards
psychic readings by danielle
psychic readings by alicia
psychic reading meaning
eva tarot psychic reading
rebecca's psychic reading ted lasso
free psychic reading app
psychic reading ai
psychic reading apple pay
psychic reading banner
bali psychic reading
bobby brown psychic reading
benefits of psychic reading
bts psychic reading
birth chart psychic reading
best psychic reading
psychic reading cards meaning
psychic reading cards deck
daily psychic reading free
dallas psychic reading nyc
david schultz psychic reading
dark psychic reading
dangers of psychic reading
psychic reading elijah vue
psychic readings near me
psychic reading near me open now
elijah vue psychic reading
empress chain spiritual psychic reading
ethical psychic reading
email free psychic reading
experienced psychic reading
elsa psychic reading
psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading for today
psychic reading for riley strain
psychic reading for 2024
psychic reading free by date of birth
psychic reading flyers
psychic reading for aries
psychic reading for elijah vue
free psychic reading for love
free psychic reading cards
free psychic reading for leo
fertility psychic reading free
free psychic reading for virgo
free psychic reading for libra
free psychic reading for cancer
free psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading generator
psychic reading gif
psychic reading german
psychic reading gold creek
gemini psychic reading
gretchen fleming psychic reading
ghost psychic reading
goddess elite psychic reading
kelsey grammer psychic reading
sal governale psychic reading
psychic reading hannah mount sinai
psychic reading hoodie xplr
headache after psychic reading
horoscope psychic reading
howard stern sal psychic reading
henry cavill psychic reading
hand psychic reading
psychic reading in st louis mo
psychic reading in weymouth
impractical jokers psychic reading episode
i get a free psychic reading
i free psychic reading
psychic reading jobs online
psychic reading joslin smith
psychic reader joyce
psychic reader jerry
tarot reading jobs
tarot reading jakarta
tarot reading jobs from home
tarot reading jobs near me
tarot reading journal
tarot reading jobs remote
jungkook psychic reading
joslin smith psychic reading
january psychic reading
jade psychic and tarot reading cape town
kate middleton psychic reading youtube
kyle psychic reading
kim porter psychic reading
kim's psychic reading room
kris jenner psychic reading
kim kardashian psychic reading
kpop psychic reading
kelsey psychic reading
princess kate psychic reading
psychic reading lounge reviews
psychic reading ltd
love psychic reading free
libra psychic reading
leo psychic reading
love psychic reading free by date of birth
live psychic reading free online
love psychic reading online
leo psychic reading today
psychic reading meaning in hindi
psychic reading malaysia
psychic reading malvern
psychic reading meaning in hindi with example
morgan nick psychic reading
matthew perry psychic reading
my psychic reading today
psychic reading near scarborough
nebula psychic reading
nebula astrology and psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading near me
yes or no psychic reading
psychic reading online free
psychic reading online cards
psychic reading on riley strain
psychic reading on elijah vue
psychic reading on samantha murphy
online psychic reading manchester
old port maine psychic reading
online psychic reading
psychic reading pathfinder
psychic reading pismo beach photos
psychic reading pismo beach reviews
psychic reading princess kate
psychic reading quiz
tarot reading questions
tarot reading quotes
tarot reading questions about love
tarot reading quiz
spiritual reading quotes
tarot reading questions about career
tarot reading questions about life
tarot reading queen of cups
tarot reading quezon city
question psychic reading
relationship psychic reading questions
que significa psychic reading
que es psychic reading
psychic reading riley strain
psychic reading royal family
relationship psychic reading free
rebecca welton psychic reading
ryan shtuka psychic reading
random psychic reading
rose renee psychic reading
cameron robbins psychic reading
psychic reading spotify
psychic reading shirt
psychic reading shreveport
psychic reading today
psychic reading tube top
psychic reading template
turkish coffee psychic reading
ted lasso rebecca psychic reading
tarot psychic reading near me
tea leaf psychic reading
today's psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading nyc
true love psychic reading
tiktok psychic reading
taurus psychic reading
psychic reading ubud
tarot reading ubud
tarot reading using playing cards
tarot reading uk free
tarot reading upside down cards
tarot reading uluwatu
spiritual reading ubud
tarot reading unique
tarot reading utah
tarot reading udemy
unintentional psychic reading
online psychic reading us
psychic reader reading uk
psychic reading in urdu
virgo psychic reading
valentine psychic reading
vicki psychic reading
vivid psychic reading
vampire psychic reading
psychic reading with playing cards
what is psychic reading
xplr psychic reading hoodie
x-men psychics
x and y psychic pokemon
x psychopath reader
psychic reading yes or no
tarot reading yes or no
tarot reading youtube
tarot reading yes or no accurate
tarot reading youtube channels
tarot reading yes or no in hindi
tarot reading yes or no horoscope
tarot reading yourself
tarot reading yellow springs
yellow pages psychic reading
can you share your psychic reading
psychic reading 100
psychic reading 101
tarot reading 100 accurate
tarot reading 10 card spread
tarot reading 101
tarot reading 1 card
tarot reading 10 cards
tarot reading 111
tarot reading 10 of cups
tarot reading 1111
1.99 for 10 minutes psychic reading
10 minute psychic reading for $1
2024 psychic reading
psychic number 2 meaning
2 of pentacles psychic revelation
2 of wands psychic revelation
2 swords psychic revelation
tarot reading 3 card spread
tarot reading 3 cards
tarot reading 3 of cups
tarot reading 333
tarot reading 3 kings
tarot reading 31st
tarot reading $35
psychic number 3 meaning
flight 370 psychic reading
3 of swords psychic revelation
3 of pentacles psychic revelation
3 of wands psychic revelation
43551 psychic reading
4 psychic number
4 swords psychic revelation
4 of pentacles psychic revelation
tarot reading 5 card spread
tarot reading 5 of cups
psychic empath 5 books in 1
tarot reading 6 cards
tarot reading 6 of swords
tarot reading 6 of cups
psychic revelation 6 of wands
tarot reading 7
tarot reading 7 card spread
tarot reading 7 of cups
tarot reading 7 of swords
tarot reading 77084
psychic readings 90
tarot reading 9 card spread
tarot reading 94538

Hey guys I'm currently in zoology (22F)and have gone to SIU for a bout a year to almost 2 now. I'm not sure if this is the correct place to ask for help but I'm not sure where else to ask without getting some type of attitude from someone. I wasn't doing so great in school the past 2 semesters and just recently in January went to work for Walt Disney World at their Disney College Program. Working there has given me a lot of experience but hasn't really done much for me school wise and has actually just distracted me from doing my school work online. I knew I should've taken the semester off but wanted to take classes to make it so that I could graduate. But I realized quickly that I couldn't save myself from the anxiety of piling work every night coming back from work. I also have a fiance (22M) who just graduated with his bachelor's degree and is moving to Utah to work for a company and the salary is very promising. My family and his want me to attain my degree before going off with him. I really do love him and want to be with him and he doesn't want to feel like he's keeping me away from school either. Anyway, I only have 34 credits right now and just want my degree at this point I just want the degree. I was looking into communications which is an online degree and seems to be pretty easy and I also realized I can get a certification to work as a vets assistant I don't need the degree to be specific. My current university is looking pretty promising I don't want to have to Transfer and pay more than what I have to you know? How can I go about this? I know I need 120 credits to graduate and I was looking into CLEP exams to gain a bit more credits on my own for free rather than paying for classes. My family and everyone is just so eager and ready for me to have it and I just want to get it all over with

Hey guys I'm currently in zoology (22F)and have gone to SIU for a bout a year to almost 2 now. I'm not sure if this is the correct place to ask for help but I'm not sure where else to ask without getting some type of attitude from someone. I wasn't doing so great in school the past 2 semesters and just recently in January went to work for Walt Disney World at their Disney College Program. Working there has given me a lot of experience but hasn't really done much for me school wise and has actually just distracted me from doing my school work online. I knew I should've taken the semester off but wanted to take classes to make it so that I could graduate. But I realized quickly that I couldn't save myself from the anxiety of piling work every night coming back from work. I also have a fiance (22M) who just graduated with his bachelor's degree and is moving to Utah to work for a company and the salary is very promising. My family and his want me to attain my degree before going off with him. I really do love him and want to be with him and he doesn't want to feel like he's keeping me away from school either. Anyway, I only have 34 credits right now and just want my degree at this point I just want the degree. I was looking into communications which is an online degree and seems to be pretty easy and I also realized I can get a certification to work as a vets assistant I don't need the degree to be specific. Siu is looking pretty promising I don't want to have to Transfer and pay more than what I have to you know? How can I go about this? I know I need 120 credits to graduate and I was looking into CLEP exams to gain a bit more credits on my own for free rather than paying for classes. My family and everyone is just so eager and ready for me to have it and I just want to get it all over with

In my sophomore year of high school I fell in love with this girl. Let’s call her “traitor”. When i first met traitor everything was great,we got along great until…I told her I had feelings for her… that’s when everything had turned to st. She started accusing me of things I wasn’t doing. She started to become uninterested in me. She started to act like I wasn’t worth her time and that hurt my soul. So the rest of that year, traitor and I argued(sometimes my fault and most times her fault) fast forward to my junior year… traitor treated me like complete st. Let me give you some examples of what she did to me:
1.would make offense and hurtful jokes but would get mad when I would do what she was doing

1. she would talk crap about me to all of her friends and have them give me stupid looks and lie about it that she never did any of that and they were all just rumors
   
2. She would make up, lies about my friends, threatening to jump her. When half of them don’t even know her.
   
3. She would blame everything on everybody else except her boyfriend… she could never take the responsibility for herself
   
4. Knowing that I liked her, she would tell me about her and her boyfriend”spicy stuff” which would make me feel sick because she knew that I liked her
   
5. We were only allowed to talk about what she wanted to talk about otherwise it wasn’t important.
   
6. She had given out my number and had her friends cyber bully me, blamed it on them, and threaten to tell the police that I was harassing her if I went to go to the police about her friends.
   
7. She lied that I gotta stay order on her. That said we had to stay 50 feet away from each other.
   
8. I always had to walk on eggshells with her and etc. So after all of this, she had blocked me because she didn’t want to admit her wrongdoings and then when I apologize to her, she had no problem with that
   

so the forgiving part of me decided to give her another chance because I believe in more chances and I always wanna see the best in people . I guess I had made a joke that she didn’t like, but she didn’t let me know(which usually she would make jokes that I didn’t like and I would just have to sit there and take it and keep my mouth shut) she ended up blocking me and when I confronted her about it, she tried to ignore me but when she couldn’t avoid me anymore she said, and I quote:” oh yeah me and my boyfriend talked about it and we both don’t really don’t want to talk to you(a.k.a. you’re not worth my time)”when I heard say that,that broke me. that’s when I shouted in front of all the courtyard “ you wanna f****k up your life that’s on you,go to hell,b****ch “ later I felt so bad about what I had said, and I was thinking of apologizing and giving her another chance but as much as I want to give her another chance, trying to take the little good times we had isn’t worth it. as much as I wanted it to be, but sometimes I do question myself whether I was the a-hole or not and if I should go up to her and apologize.
So,aita for telling her to go to hell?
P.s feel free to give advice,it’s very much needed ❤️ and sorry if this is really bad this is my first time doing this…
and I will also also try my best to give you guys an update if there is one to give.

Hi dad.
I lost my fiance 2021. I mean not just me but everyone who loved him lost him. His mother, of course, has struggled with this in ways I cannot fully understand. I adopted my nephew and consider him my son, so I can see the outline or the shadow of her grief, through empathy. I just say this to make clear I understand that she is enduring unimaginable pain, of a shape I can't know.
Since it happened, I have texted her a few times to say I was thinking of her etc. In Jan-Feb, we spoke on the phone, about the sort of things anyone who has lost someone will at some point think about(life, afterlife, the soul etc) as she was speaking about hiring a medium. At the end of the call we were both crying and her bf hung up because she was (understandably) unable to speak anymore.
We haven't spoken since then, tho I did text her a couple days ago. My request for advice is about this. I think after nearly 3 years, she is probably tired of hearing "Hi (Name), I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and love you." That is basically what every unsolicited text I've sent her has said, in one way or another.
So I am looking for those with insight into these situations or feelings or who are empathetic, hoping someone could help me figure out if I should just ...not text? Or say something else? I ask because I worry that the vague caution I once texted her with could grow hollow. And I truly care about her so much. My fiance was my soul mate. He....I don't know how to word it to convey the completeness I felt with him. And as the person who found him after he'd died, the person who had to tell her...I don't want to hurt her, either by word/deed or by neglect/absence.
I don't really have anyone to ask. I'm usually the one who has to play the "mature/helpful" role for my chosen family, the one who is come to for help. But I feel lost

Just watched the Reno with Delaney and her fiance in their Colorado condo and it’s actually really good. I love how they were fiscally responsible with their decisions, weighing the pros and cons like responsible homeowners. My husband and I just finished our home update and I love that I learned something from them!
Watched Julia’s home Reno vlog and there was no rhyme or reason behind their decision besides things being expensive and looking nice - why would you spend so much money on a home you won’t be living in? I don’t understand. If you’re selling, you’re just cutting into your margins.

Hello Reddit.
I lost my fiance 2021. I mean not just me but everyone who loved him lost him. His mother, of course, has struggled with this in ways I cannot fully understand. I adopted my nephew and consider him my son, so I can see the outline or the shadow of her grief, through empathy. I just say this to make clear I understand that she is enduring unimaginable pain, of a shape I can't know.
Since it happened, I have texted her a few times to say I was thinking of her etc. In Jan-Feb, we spoke on the phone, about the sort of things anyone who has lost someone will at some point think about(life, afterlife, the soul etc) as she was speaking about hiring a medium. At the end of the call we were both crying and her bf hung up because she was (understandably) unable to speak anymore.
We haven't spoken since then, tho I did text her a couple days ago. My request for advice is about this. I think after nearly 3 years, she is probably tired of hearing "Hi (Name), I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and love you." That is basically what every unsolicited text I've sent her has said, in one way or another.
So I am looking for those with insight into these situations or feelings or who are empathetic, hoping someone could help me figure out if I should just ...not text? Or say something else? I ask because I worry that the vague caution I once texted her with could grow hollow. And I truly care about her so much. My fiance was my soul mate. He....I don't know how to word it to convey the completeness I felt with him. And as the person who found him after he'd died, the person who had to tell her...I don't want to hurt her, either by word/deed or by neglect/absence.
Thank you for reading.

So once upon a time, we (hubby and I) used to be friends with this couple. Me and … let’s call this friend … “Jane”, were super close. At one point when talking about marriage she said, “maybe warm up to “John” and see if you can help him along with proposing.”
Being a good friend and wanting her to have the best proposal, I did just that. I came up with SOOOO many incredible options (if you’d like the details of these options, just ask and I’d be happy to share). These were out of this world, all would have taken place on vacation (we were all supposed to go on a trip and John and I figured it was the perfect time to do it since he … and I quote “hates everything in xyz state.”) I’d help coordinate everything so she wouldn’t suspect anything and I’d take photos.
It’s important to note that John said there was no budget. HE wanted this to be incredible, memorable, amazing, he wanted to pull out all the stops for this and make it a dream come true fairytail moment.
John kept saying none of these ideas were “unique enough” or “that’s not big enough.” I was like ugh bro ….. these are epic, noteworthy, something Jane would be floored over and incredibly memorable.
Due to a HUGE fight between John and my husband we had a major falling out and none of us are friends anymore. Mainly because… well, to be quite frank… John is a little b who acts worse than my toddler.
Fast forward, we saw a few days ago that John finally proposed to Jane (4 months late). How did he propose you ask …
At a school field day (school has no baring on their relationship nor does the field day) that they were volunteering at, wearing ugly matching school field day shirts (provided by the school), surrounded by people and kids they don’t know and her mom. No photographer (like he said he wanted because he wanted her to have the best photos of this moment forever) everything was taken on a phone and not great. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a soft spot in my heart for Jane. I love her and I’m happy for her if she is happy. But John is a POS and this proposal screams white trash america.
AITA?