See title.
Currently in the hunt for the best divorce solicitor out there. My partner is the one going through divorce. We met a year after their separation and have recently moved in together. They filed jointly for divorce in March when it was still amicable. But it looks as though she was ‘staying friendly’ until she got concessions (him moving out) and she’s now outright said she won’t agree to a 50-50 split.
If anyone has recommendations or advice based on experience, would love to hear it. This has been incredibly stressful and frustrating for him. I am happy to pay for a solicitor, private investigator, forensic accountant etc out of my own funds if it means getting more strategic advice than what he’s getting. He needs a shark. I am determined to get him one.
Details that will be relevant:

• married for ~20yrs with 1 daughter who is 8yrs old and who is with us 50% of the time. She is happy and dealing with the divorce well and we want it to stay that way but now realising we need to fight her avarice
• they own a big house. Mortgage has now become more than he can afford but she has lobbied to keep it and stay there to give daughter stability. As soon as he moved out though, her affair partner started staying there regularly with his children. She denies the cheating as does he and she’s denied he moved in(he’s also married and going through a divorce — timings as to breakdown of marriage etc align)
• Total expenses now are more than they make jointly. She runs ups credit card bills of close to 10k monthly (she has spending issues and has for years even before breakdown of marriage). We have suspicions she’s been spending on her affair partner and his family.
• he is the higher earner. She has reduced her working hours and has refused to go back to work fulltime. She is currently in university again getting another qualification and he has agreed to pay for her fees until she finishes, even after the divorce. He supports her desire to change careers and was willing to pay so she could eventually begin to support herself. She still thinks she’s entitled to more.
• her affair partner has substance abuse issues and there are some safeguarding concerns
• we’ve moved in together and I’m also a high earner. We split expenses 50-50, including expenses for his daughter. There’s some concern it compromises his position in the financial split. I am outraged that my money and willingness to spend for his daughter is even a consideration here and it makes me far less inclined to shell any more out. I had considered contributing to her private school fees and wonder if this will cause more issues.

We understand the law favours the lesser earning party but this feels massively unfair. She’s cheated and plotted with her affair partner for years and now sees this as her payout. I’m honestly so furious I’m prepared to spend my own money to make her feel the pain. Any advice or recommendations would be immensely helpful.
Thanks.

Yeah, I cheat and I admit it, lol. SDV is a game I play in my limited free time; I'm not interested in making a chore of it. I do have limits, however; I won't add money, for instance, and I don't spawn quest items. My Watsonian logic is, I had to have savings from that soulless Joja job.
There have to be other people like me, so my question is: what are your favorite (small or big) cheats that make the game fun for you? Mine:

• Instant Catch, bc fuck fishing.
• increasing my speed a little, because I got things to do.
• spawning a Small Glow Rings, since it's only sensible to have a torch/flashlight.
• spawning some decent-value foods for long mining days. I use them sparingly, but I still used them.

Anything I'm doing that I could be? Anything you would never do?

I got the game sometime in 2020 and only played it for a few days, stopped and didnt touch it ever since. Now wanted to get back into it but when logging in it says: Your account has been blocked. There are no emails from BSG about someone logging into that account other than me or someone requesting a passoword change.
I reached out to the Support and after waiting more than 15 days they finally responded with citing their TOS :
According to Section 6. Paragraph 6.1.4. of the current Licence Agreement, Battlestate Games Limited has the right: 6.1.4. To restrict or terminate the User’s access to the Game on the conditions hereof, including if the User violates the terms of this Agreement or the Key Documents. In exercising this right, Battlestate Games Limited is not required to provide the User with evidence of the breach by the User of the terms of the Agreement resulting in the User’s access being terminated or restricted.
Please note that your account security is solely your responsibility. Unfortunately, we cannot be held responsible for access loss due to user error nor can we help if you were banned as a result of account theft.
Respectfully yours, the Escape from Tarkov support service.
​
Is there anything i can do to get the account back? I mean it was 40 bucks or smt and it would really suck to loose that money. Just to clarify, i have 100% never cheated in this game. Neither have i queued up with friends at all.

For example, when they talk about how paternity works legally and the susposed acceptance of cheating
Legal Paternity
It's usually the case around the world that if a wife has a child during their marriage, the husband is legally assumed to be the father. Even if everyone involves knows he isn't, and all want to change this, they may still have to go to court.
This is somehow blamed on feminism. Never mind that depending on a guy who resents being a father for child support can be worse than just relying on welfare. And nevermind that all the women who fled their abusive husbands would love to not give him custody rights (because, many abusers see getting custody of their kids as a way to hurt their mother).
So why did it come from?
Firstly, law codes were mostly developed before paternity tests were a thing. This is just a guess, but at least in the West, where it was usually men who controlled the couple's money, lawmakers likely didn't want their sisters and daughters left destitute by false claims of infidelity.
And at least partially it comes from the fact that the state doesn't want to pay benefits it can get a way with. Which also explains why almost no politicians will advocate against the assumption of paternity for the husband. Just paying for a few weeks of welfare until paternity tests came back for every man, and then hoping the men will all pay the state back, would increase the cost of the social welfare budget for little, if any, community gain. And social welfare is often a large part of a state's budget.
And of course, modern DNA tests have their own problems, like the ethics around the use of DNA given for other purposes to catch criminals. And who would pay for them, and some others.
Cheating
Literally no popular feminist work advocates this. You could argue works like the Scarlet Letter are trying to cast sympathy on women seen as cheaters, but even those are asking why women are being punished much more harshly than men. And if cheating should be a purely social wrong, rather than a legal one. Some thing goes for the Handmaid's tale, particularly the series rather than the novel, where June is the other woman, rather than dating an already divorced man as she does in the novel.
You'll see cheating accepted in some film and TV shows, but I don't think feminist films are more guilty of this than any other genre. Those that do usually protray the women as a victim of abuse by her spouse, however Hollywood does like to sometimes show affairs as romantic simply because the other partner is kind of annoying and the main couple belong together. However, these nearly always have a man willingly a part of the affair. Hollywood is very happy to show men cheating too and protray it as a good or kinda bad thing when it wants too (eg. Oppenheimer).
Thinking about the major feminists I've heard of, I think their responses to having constant affairs would vary.

• Most common would be the third/fourth wave monogamous feminists who would say all marriages should equal and affairs are bad
  
• You also have the "free love"/polyamorous crowd who insist on honesty, not cheating
  
• In the past, there was the 60-70s Lesbian separtists who wouldn't understand why you'd want to sleep with more men anyway
  
• And early suffragists who often argued that women were different to men in that they were more caring and nurturing, so they probably wouldn't have approved cheating.
  

So yeah, feminism does not equal screwing over men. But AITA-land likes to insist it does

Context - I feel like I have been questioning this a lot, since the day I took a woman on a date, first to a beach, then for lunch, then for a dance class, and even after doing all this, she started talking to some other guy in between the date, and got his number, even though he never approached her.
What I feel - I feel like dating from a man perspective is so much work. He has to ask & seek the woman to go on a date, plan the date, make the reservation, pick her up, give her compliments, pay for her meals, make it engaging. What is she supposed to give in return - nothing. I feel all the woman I have met for dating even after doing all this for them, they never felt enough, nor respected it. Does it mean should I stop doing this when I meet a new woman?
Question 1 - I feel like what most woman can just provide in return is just - sex and nothing else. I feel all this money and effort is just to get sex. Like if a man spends a certain amount of money and effort on a woman, he can "open" her up for sex, and she "repays" his effort and money by "providing sex". Does it mean most woman are just fundamentally "prostitutes" (not mean in a bad way)?
Question 2 - I saw this video on Youtube where most woman are easy at smelling off men who have low self esteem and then try to break his boundaries, and do bad things like cheat on him since she knows she can get away this, and he will still be chasing her. Why are woman so Iniquitous, why their moral fundamentally flawed?

Guo went to jail for cheating, and the lies about the farm were exposed!

On March 15, 2023, Guo Wengui, a fugitive from the Interpol Red Notice who was absconding in the United States, was arrested by the New York police on suspicion of fraud and other crimes.
According to the Wall Street Journal, Guo Wengui was arrested and accused of orchestrating a $1 billion fraud. Prosecutors said Guo used the hundreds of thousands of fans he accumulated online to solicit investment for his cryptocurrency, media and other companies. The indictment stated that Guo Wengui used the money to purchase a 50,000-square-foot home, a yacht, a Ferrari, and two mattresses worth $36,000, among other items. The indictment accuses Guo Wengui of 11 counts of fraud and money laundering. Prosecutors said they seized $634 million in crimes. KWOK allegedly lied to his victims and promised them generous rewards if they invested or provided funds to companies like GTV, his alleged Himalayan Farm Alliance, G/CLUBS and Himalayan Exchange.

After Guo Wengui was arrested, Washington DC farmer and member of the Jagged Group "A Bing" Jiao Bingshang, in order to prove his innocence after Guo Wengui was arrested, directed more than 380 "old chairs" who invested in GTV to join the Gate "Cornerstone Tribe" Make a “I’m not a victim” statement. These are important and irrefutable evidence of the crimes committed by the "Guo Gang" group sanctioned by the RICO Act! Don’t forget to submit it in court!

hey, so my mom has apperently cheated twice, I found out whos the second guy is today, I dad even if he's the one that brings most of the money for the family, is a huge asshole to live with. Now my dad is waiting for my mom to come home so he can "address" about she cheating and I don't wanna be home when that happens. but my sister just came from school and she might be alone when that happens. shes 12 and I'm 18. Both my dad and mom really loves us. i need sometype of advice cause I ain't gonna tell this shit to my friends

We’ve been together for 4 and a half years basically. We’ve know each other for 10. Liked each other in high school, life happened, I moved away, she had a kid, found our way back to each other, and ended up having a child of our own 2 years ago. To try and summarize, she feels once our daughter was born, that I got too comfortable and acted as though I knew she wasn’t going anywhere. I worked overnight construction for years, even before we got together, made it to a superintendent position, with a job where I averaged anywhere from 65-80+ hours a week. She was home with the kids, I didn’t make enough to put the kids in daycare, and couldn’t commit to any kind of permanent arrangement to assist her with taking care of the kids so she could work. The goal, since before we got together, was for me to leave my trade, but I made more money doing that, than we would have if we both started entry level jobs, not to mention then having to pay for daycares. I was offered help by my mother who lived out of state to bring me family over there with promises of help so we could make the changes necessary to restructure our life and improve our situation. I got here, worked in my same trade for a few months until the rain season began, and she immediately began her course to become a CNA, then started work as one, and makes decent money. Well she made a friend there, who I honestly can’t stand. I have NEVER told her who she can and can’t see, hang out with, talk to, nothing like that, she’s never given me a reason to doubt her, she has always been a loyal person and very honest. This friend of hers, without spending time on all the details and making this post even longer, tries encouraging my girlfriend to do things or think certain ways that I feel are detrimental to our relationship. Telling her she should start an OF, is one example, and when my girlfriend vented to her about an issue we had, told her that I am a narcissist like every guy she’s been with and to just leave me.
For some context, I forgot our anniversary. I think I’ve forgotten it almost every year, because it wasn’t really a special occasion, we talked about it a few months into our relationship basically saying “hey we’re dating right? Like this is official? What do we tell people if they ask what our anniversary is? Okay cool, sounds good, moving on.” I get it, that mindset was wrong of me. I also procrastinate on things like holidays, birthdays, whatever, and have had some instances where I really should have tried harder to make her feel special and appreciated. I used to do the hallmark movie corny stuff, I used to have a notebook I’d write in when I got home in the mornings while she was asleep about how I loved her, she’s beautiful, I appreciate her, blah blah. One time I set a path from the front door to the upstairs bath with candles, flower petals, where a bath was drawn, with red lights for ambiance and a bath bomb for her. It fell off because the honey moon phase ended, although I feel it lasted a long time, and life events happened that lead to some emotional dry spells on her part where she wasn’t ready to receive affection, her grandmother passing, having a miscarriage far along in our first pregnancy together, her step father dying, and then also the stresses of my job wearing me out, and getting comfortable subconsciously telling myself that even though I don’t always do those same things anymore, she knows I think she’s the greatest and I love her.
I have a bad habit that I’ve been working on for a few months now, where if she’d bring up things that made me nervous to think about or stress me out to plan, I would play too much and not take the situations seriously, and make her not feel heard as a result. I always teased that I don’t believe in legally getting married, that I’d take her to the courthouse and let her change her last name to mine and then we can have a ceremony after. 2 years ago I told her that wasn’t the case, and we finally talked about it where I told her that once our situation is right, in marrying her. I know in hindsight that I should have still placed it as a higher priority, but we never really talked about it further, and she clung to what I’d said before that about us never getting married. When our fighting started getting bad about 2 months ago, and we finally communicated what the underlying root of her unhappiness was, I had a huge perspective change. Some other big events happened, my step father who we lived with overdosed from fentanyl in our basement, and really changed my perspective on life and how quickly things can end and change and blah blah, to where I told her that I don’t want to fight, she is my one, and I want to marry her. She basically took it as me saying it out of fear to get her to stay. I’ve been trying to show her that I want to make the effort she is asking for. That she is as special to me as I say, but now in her mind she is taking an approach of “why did it take 4 years to get to this point.”
I never try to deny responsibility for my actions, I always try to be quick to reflect and acknowledge where I may have been wrong. But now I almost feel like my readiness to say okay I messed up by getting comfortable and not making you feel heard in these situations and everything else I’ve talked about, kind of seems like I’ve only made her feel completely validated in her idea that I have messed up for 4 years and just not appreciated her. I almost want to tell her that yes, I have slowed down and gotten comfortable, but no, there’s are so many examples of times I’ve still shown you how much I cared. I fear doing so will come off argumentative, and give her more fuel to the fire of her friend calling me a narcissist. Side note: she has since stopped getting advice from that friend, because she did come to the conclusion that her friend does not have her best interest, and has seen an uglier side to her as time has gone on, but I feel the seeds of discord have been sown.
I’m so sorry, I hope some of you with good intentions stick through all of this, and I know there’s other context that could help, but I guess I just need some ideas on what to do. 7 weeks ago we started fighting over petty day to day things, 5 weeks ago we finally established her root of unhappiness, 4 weeks ago she said she needed space, 2-3 weeks ago we said we were taking a break, and I feel her feelings of negativity have only grown. I’ve sucked at giving space admittedly, as time goes on I’ve gotten better though I fear damage has been further done by not doing great about accepting her request for space. Idk, we have a child together, I love both of the children like they’re my own blood, I’ve never felt this happy in a relationship (I know I’m young, still) and now that we’re finally hitting our goals with our lifestyle changes and career changes, now she’s finally gotten to this point of giving up.
Do I try giving her space, doing my own thing and seeing if that separation and seeing my positive activities draws her back in? Or has it gone on so long that that’s not going to work? Do I try saying finally “hey I acknowledge my mistakes, but in your attempts to focus on my wrong doings I feel like you’re ignoring all the good things I did and I’d like you to try remembering those? I don’t hit her, cuss at her, our heated fights can probably be counted on 1, maybe 2 hands, I don’t cheat, I provide, I’ve taken care of the kids just about by myself for the past 5 months to give her room to get her new profession down, I cook and clean every night, not to be crass but our intimate life is very good, I know I deliver for her on that account, and I’m someone who is always willing to apologize and adapt and adjust. Any advice that isn’t slanderous to either of us would be awesome, I get at this point that if it’s too late then I need to just start preparing for that eventuality and working on myself, but for the sake of keeping my family together, I want to exhaust all of my options to make this work.

So I am a guy that goes out alone because I like the atmosphere and really rarely meeting someone with the same mentality
I want to break some miths people have about going to clubs,bars or just coffee and restaurants alone
Mith 1: People do treat you like a weirdo or look at you like you have something in mind
Mith 2: You won't meet people like you 90% of the time. And unlike most gurus most people won't want to hookup.
Mith 3: The staff only cares about your money they are rarely actually trying to be a friend in clubs or restaurants and coffee shops. Bars are a exception.
Mith 4: It depends if it's a waste of time or not sitting in your room doing nothing and sitting in a club doing nothing doesn't make a difference.
Mith 5: I don't buy more stuff if the service is not great so I can confirm that even if you come buy a cola and just sit their for 5 hours they won't ask you to leave.
Mith 6: Going to a restaurant or a coffee shop alone the service suddenly becomes a couple of levels worst I don't know why. So you won't be treated the same
Mith 7: Because I don't get drunk in these places, sometimes you get to witness the aftermath of people doing it in the toilet that is glorified by a lot of social media hookups etc but as a person just going their and chilling it really gets you depressed.
Mith 8: People their are really manipulative they aren't the greatest so watch out. But sometimes they are honest and because you are just standing there doing nothing they will ask you to hold their stuff watch this etc.
Mith 9: You will probably meet a love interest unlike what they say ( I fucked up in my case because I wasn't interested and was not in the mood ) but probably it was the best person I met.
Mith 10 : Your BF or GF will not cheat on you if she goes clubbing with girls ... Most people their already are in a relationship so yeah
That's advice yes it does fix social anxiety no it will not fix your dating life at least for me it isn't helping.
Yes I am a exception in some regards because I like people watching in general so going out for fun isn't my intention a lot of the time tasting stuff and just seeing all types of people is my thing
I was going to post this on social skills because certain words are automoderated I can't
This is all

May 13 2024. I am learning and still need to learn more on how to get over differences and accept one another humans as just the same and that i shouldnt judge too hard cuz what if i was in their position. (This could apply to you reading this now or any person who reads this, which is know might be a long one but please just give it a chance to see why you don’t even have the time to read this and actually understand, to see my view point because this is the viewpoint of all regular folk such as you and myself)
WHY HAVE WE AS A HUMAN SPECIES JUST LOST EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING we dont need to feel ashamed cuz we didnt know better, we just need to start working on fixes and now since only more time will hold back actual change.
Aslo i think im starting to learn something new about myself if im not doing something that grows me as a person as in example discussing political viewpoints and reading or just learning views on humans and just humanitarian things in general cuz
WE’RE HUMANS AND THAT COULD’VE BEEN US AND ITS NOT BUT IF WE GOT THE MEANS TO HELP THEN LETS HELP , oh wait we cant help cuz (insert stupid fabricated excuse that the governments make cuz they are or might be a failure just because, IF A GOVERNMENT IS ACTUALLY IN HELP OF PEOPLE THEN IT SHOULD GET THINGS DONE AND EVERYONE SHOULD BE LIVING WELL AND I MEAN EVERYONE the only reason we have some people who cant even afford to have the time to read this or to take time to understand). Now i know that sounds unreasonable but THATS ONLY SOUNDS UNREASONABLE CUZ OUR OH WELL LOOKSY DOO ITS THE SAME FUCKING GOVERNMENTS TELLING US ITS NOT
We hear the term escaping the matrix or finding the cheat code in life. Well the matrix isnt about escaping reality or people ITS ABOUT ESCAPING THE GRASP OF THE GOVERNMENTS AND BEINGS THAT STOP US HUMANS DOING WHAT WE WANT.
And if we humans cant see this then perhaps the time for the human race is over and doomed to fail either from nuclear amerggdon or climate change.
Like being a dick and not wanting to help or actually be active and apart of something is what government want from us regular folk us NON ELITE HUMANS the ones who don’t have tens of millions of dollars or just enough money and superficial happiness or anything to not get you thinking about each other and how we all feel.
They (as in the people who get to decide our way of life the Government’s WHICH BY THE WAY THEY SHOULD HAVE NO RIGHT) dont want us to see “oh damn they got the power to actually make the change and theyre not making change ?” THEY’LL DO ANYTHING TO JUST NOT GET ASKED MORE QUESTIONS AND GET INTO IN DEPTH (examples like taxes and how we are all to busy thinking about our bills or how anything would get done cuz everyone needs to focus on things that “actually matter” BUT THE THINGS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER OR JUST DISTRACTIONS , like if you read this and think wait i don’t have the time for this LIKE WHY DONT YOU?? Because your to busy with what…? EXACTLY THAT WHAT AND ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IS USALLY WHAT IT IS AND AN EXAMPLE OF A DISTRACTION)
You see this isn’t a regular war this is a revolution of the average human such as me and you. Thank you
any excuse to be able to move on and thats why i think i haven’t been able to move on these days. Havent been able to connect with things and people in my life
Its just such a deadly cycle and loop and no wonder people kill themselves.
BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS JUST A DISTRACTION FROM THE TRUTH THAT IM LIVING IN A SYSTEM DESIGNED TO KEEP ME AT THE BOTTOM AND WITH A FALSE DREAM AND HOPE THAT I’LL BE RICH ENOUGH TO NOT CARE OR RICH ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
We as in the human population also need to stop questioning the messager and talking about whats up with me as a person and SEE WHAT IM ACTUALLY SPEAKING OF AND WHAT I REFER TO BECAUSE WHAT I REFER TO IS THE DAILY LIFE OF ANYONE OF US. BECAUSE WHAT I SPEAK OF IS THE TRUTH AND HOW WE ALL FEEL.
And i will do what i have to do to spread this message and if that means playing by this sick game’s rules and having to force myself into the machine of capitalism and how our society worships money. Then i will just to have a platform to spread the truth. Because I do believe this way full heartedly and found it easy to write this because i know how all us people feel since we are all still human. And now is the time to stick together and be able to help our neighbors and friends, family and even those we don’t even know.
Spread the word and lets help each other by getting educated, ask more questions. don’t take everything at face value all the time and don’t just follow and the herd mentality, actually use your brain and think how this relates to you and others in your life and help them out if possible. Thank you for your time just do not be hardheaded and say “nah” actually be the change you wish to see in the world, thats how it starts.

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We are both in our early 40s and have two young children.
He cheated on me several times in our relationship, very early on emotionally with two different women and more recently he cheated physically for two years and three years emotionally with her before that. He was close to leaving, had a new place ready (which is now money down the drain) told his parents, told everyone close to us. I urged him to stay and give our marriage one last shot, to see if anything was salvageable. He ended up agreeing.
This was 6 months that ago. We have been in marriage counselling since. I don't know what we expected to happen with his feelings for this other woman, I guess if I'm being honest I thought overtime he would lose feelings for her and maybe he thought he could simply live without her but each month he has slip ups whether it's stalking her socials, contacting her family members or just contacting her.
He still has feelings for her, still is very much in love with her.
Last week, I think she had enough of being stuck in this drama and so she blocked him on everything. He now has no way of being in contact with her.
Could this be the wake up call he needed to move on and commit to the decision he made 6 months ago? Or are we prolonging the inevitable

Guo went to jail for cheating, and the lies about the farm were exposed!

On March 15, 2023, Guo Wengui, a fugitive from the Interpol Red Notice who was absconding in the United States, was arrested by the New York police on suspicion of fraud and other crimes.
According to the Wall Street Journal, Guo Wengui was arrested and accused of orchestrating a $1 billion fraud. Prosecutors said Guo used the hundreds of thousands of fans he accumulated online to solicit investment for his cryptocurrency, media and other companies. The indictment stated that Guo Wengui used the money to purchase a 50,000-square-foot home, a yacht, a Ferrari, and two mattresses worth $36,000, among other items. The indictment accuses Guo Wengui of 11 counts of fraud and money laundering. Prosecutors said they seized $634 million in crimes. KWOK allegedly lied to his victims and promised them generous rewards if they invested or provided funds to companies like GTV, his alleged Himalayan Farm Alliance, G/CLUBS and Himalayan Exchange.

After Guo Wengui was arrested, Washington DC farmer and member of the Jagged Group "A Bing" Jiao Bingshang, in order to prove his innocence after Guo Wengui was arrested, directed more than 380 "old chairs" who invested in GTV to join the Gate "Cornerstone Tribe" Make a “I’m not a victim” statement. These are important and irrefutable evidence of the crimes committed by the "Guo Gang" group sanctioned by the RICO Act! Don’t forget to submit it in court!

I made a post on May 3 how badly I was beaten by my boyfriend. While I tried to dial 911 on his phone and was unsuccessful to make a call go thru because he was fighting me. I never made a a report. It’s May 14. I also am on the hyper frequency list. As in the police in my neighborhood visit me bi weekly and ask me if there is something I need to report on my abuser. The dv officers came like a few days after the attack. Obviously I didn’t report anything. I’ve gotten a recent amount of new information from my abuser that has completely made me walk away. He has been cheating on me a lot and contracted an std. I cannot put my health at risk any more from this man who beats the day lights out of me on a daily basis and forces me to do these unwanted things.
Is it too late to report any of this? Or is it better for me to just have him leave my life completely and not peruse any of this legally? It took me 6 years but I finally want out of this completely. This would be my second time attempting to leave. I’m so unsure what to do. I already know the lash back I will face from the police for not reporting this right when it happened. And for the fact I kept seeing him and lying to the cops when they came to my door every two weeks. I’m so confused and lost on what’s the proper way to move on from here is. I told him we are done. And now obviously he’s begging to stay and to not contact the police. I’m disgusted with this individual but maybe this is what had to happen in order for me to finally have the strength to leave.
I thankfully do not rely on him for any housing or money. So leaving him now won’t be hard as I’m already emotionally detached from this person.
Please don’t judge me. As I already have been judge far too much from everyone during this relationship. I’m suffering consequences from being stupid and naive and never leaving him. I know better now and am learning from my mistakes.
What I’m asking humbly from this group is any help and advice. I hate to be a burden but I really do need some advice. Thank you so much in advance!

After breaking the law in China, Guo fled to the United States in 2014 and settled in New York for many years. However, Guo Wengui is still not satisfied. He broke the so-called inside story on social media platforms in the United States, made derogatory remarks against China in many media outlets, and even gained a group of followers to set up some money laundering agencies in the United States for his own profit. On March 15, he was arrested by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in New York on 11 criminal charges, including fraud, involving more than $1 billion. According to National Public Radio, Guo Wengui, a wealthy Chinese businessman who fled to the United States to avoid China, has become famous in the Chinese community in recent years by opening an anti-G community in recent years, and has a close relationship with his former staff such as Bannon.
Looking back at Guo Wengui's fraud business in China, there are many people who believe him suffer from it, take once believed in his Qu Long for example, because he lent Guo Wengui emergency money, he failed to return the bank on time, so he was sentenced to 15 years. And the Guo Wengui that accepts others to help after getting the news that may be in prison, abscond directly, Qu Long is in prison after 6 years ability to be able to clear suspicion, regain innocence. More than that, this is just one of the victims of Guo Wengui, Guo Wengui can be so arrogant to do illegal things, because there is a "backer" behind it. Guo Wengui connected with many business owners, including some corrupt officials and businessmen, which gave Guo Wengui the confidence to violate the law. Moreover, Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this. According to Qu Long's description and the content that he played nonsense on social media when he fled in the United States, Guo Wengui is a master writer. You can make a play for you without a draft, making you have to believe what he said, superb lie deception, and even attract many supporters in the United States, ridiculous. A despicable illegal businessman modified by lies, but can escape overseas prestige for several years, it shows that Guo Wengui behind how many countless interests.
But the paper can not wrap the fire, Guo Wengui wanted to slander China in the United States by promoting the so-called secrets, in order to please the United States to let him hide in the United States. But Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this, he benefited from those followers, enrich his pockets, with cheating money to meet his luxurious material desires. Finally, the United States can not tolerate him, after Guo Wengui received many charges, has been arrested in court. Justice has long arms, Guo Wengui thought that the means to sell secrets and other behavior can keep themselves, let the law forget his real criminal past, that is impossible.
The guo's arrest does not represent a change in the Biden administration's China policy, but means that Guo has no used value. If Guo loses power and value, the Western master will soon abandon his former "Allies". Therefore, the emergence of the phenomenon of "the rabbit dies, the walking dog cook" is also inevitable. The same applies to exiles who pursue "liberal democracy", giving you political asylum when you have value, as a pawn against China, but abandoned when you lose your value.

This is long, sorry.
My wife cheated on me 14 years ago while we dated. We were in our mid twenties and had been dating for several years. She was seeing a man from work that was almost 40 years old at the time, so nearly a 15 year age difference. I found out while I was using her laptop to help her with a project for school (she was finishing her degree) and found an email she sent to this guy with a picture of her boobs with the words “do my boobs look good today?”
I remember I was shaking and blew up at her immediately. She denied it was anything and she strung me along for a few months before we got back together. I knew she was still seeing this guy while we were trying to fix our relationship. I remember the anxiety and depression like it was yesterday.
Shortly after we got back together, she found out she was pregnant. She assured me it was my child and I believed her. I remember the possible night of conception when she told me to cum inside of her. We were always careful and never did that before for obvious reasons. We moved in together and got married 2 years later. We now have 3 kids together. I didn’t bring it up at the time because she was pregnant and I didn’t want to cause her stress.
This has always bothered me as we never discussed the cheating. I finally brought it up 3 years ago and told her I needed closer and have always thought it was possible our oldest was not my child. I needed details on the extent of her relationship with this guy. The conversation did not go well. She was so cold and seemed like she wanted to avoid any conversation about the subject. She does not do well with communicating so I admit it was probably tough for her.
I needed more answers so I brought this up again recently. She admitted that he kissed her and that it was more of an emotional affair. She claims they did not sex and he never touched her. She said she didn’t feel right when they kissed so she told him to stop and he never did it again. They went to a movie together, walks at the park, coffee dates, late night dinner. She said that she liked the attention and that was it.
The problem, she claims to not remember any details. She doesn’t know the name of the movie, when or where they kissed, when she officially broke it off with him. To top it off this guy was married and his wife was pregnant, but claimed he was separated. I asked if he told her about his wife and she said yes but again can’t remember when he told her about his wife’s pregnancy.
She has zero fucking details other than she realized she loved me and broke it off with him. I don’t know what to do here. I’m tired of brushing this under the rug. I love her and want to believe her but I can’t without details.
I think she might be afraid to admit the truth because we have a nice life together. She doesn’t work and I make enough money to support us and not worry financially. We are very grateful for that. She did tell me that she regrets this every day and always feared I would divorce her over this.
I told her I want a paternity test for our oldest and she agreed. She said she know with 100% certainty our oldest is mine and nothing else is possible”. I think that a paternity test will strain our marriage if she is telling the truth. Now what? I can’t figure out if she’s telling the truth, lying because she fucked him and was scared she was pregnant so she had sex with me to say I got her pregnant, or just horrible timing around when we had sex and when the cheating occurred.
I have no idea how to get past not knowing what she did with this guy.

Six years together. 2024 has been quite a year so far. My boyfriend has been out of work for almost 5 months, which is yearly occurrence since his main source of income is from doing gig work with a local transportation company. He has been applying to jobs with an out of date resume, he hasn't had that much luck in finding work. When I suggested taking on a temporary job at a grocery store or cafe to stay afloat until his main job starts up again, he became extremely upset and said that those jobs were beneath him.
In these past 5 months he has been playing video games, smoking weed in my bathroom, randomly leaving at all hours to hang out with his friends. He doesn't help with any chores, out of fear for my safety I purchased him a new phone when he broke his, paid for two months worth of phone bills, purchase work boots, and allowed him to shake me down for cash to buy weed.
Even though he tries to gaslight me but saying that this is first year that he hasn't been without work, it hasn't been. Every year since he quit his job during covid(2020)and moved into my apt. he has had periods of no work and very little to no money. He just games and smokes those months away. He berates me for not cooking or cleaning when I was working two jobs and he was working none. When he finally did get a new job thanks to his dad helping him, he refused to contribute financially even though he saw how physically and mentally exhausted I was from working 6 days a week. He said I didn't deserve help. He treats me terribly whenever I help him out. He has forced me to pay his taxes, give him one of my stimulus bills, buy him food. He becomes irate if things aren't exactly how he wants it. He loves to make plans only to cancel at the last minute and then gaslight me about it. He would refuse to go out with me to events but then drop everything to go hang out with his friends.
I always told him that if he can't contribute financially due to not having enough or having work, it's fine but he should contribute by doinf household chores. He refuses.
I think what is going on is that my mind is trying to protect me by compartmentalizing and lessen the gravity of the situation and of what occurred this past weekend. I see the signs of being in an abusive relationship but I don't fully believe that I am in one because it doesn't fit what we all have been told are the signs of an abusive relationship.
In February he pushed some storage bins into me, one of which broke and cut me in my back because I told his parents that he hadn't been working for the past two months.
This past weekend which we were walking through a soon to be closed mall, I had been recording the beautiful 80's/90's architecture when he said wait, I instinctively turned around and he was scratching himself. I laughed a little bit and turned back and continued walking. Since I had my phone in my hand he thought I had recorded him, he rushed down the hallway angrily asking me if I recorded him and to give him my phone. I said I didn't and kept walking,I was wearing a hoodie and he grabbed my hood and pulled, angrily telling me to give him my phone, I told him to let go that he was hurting me. I tried to keep on walking but he was still holding onto and pulling my hood. He then proceeds to try to grab the phone out of my hands. You know when someone tries to grab something out of your hands and both of you start grappling over the item, that's what happened. My phone is brand new and did not have a case yet and I was worried he would smash it into the ground. I know my personal safety is more important than a phone but I couldn't let go even if I wanted to, he had grabbed onto me and was in the process of pushing me into the wall when a guy rounded the corner.
He didn't step in nor call the police as far as I know. I took the opportunity to get away from my boyfriend as quickly as I could.
I ran to the train station, he kept on yelling at me "Are you really going to act like this", I didn't answer. My neck and throat burned from where his was pulling back on my hoodie. I started to cry. There was a lady who seemed to notice that something was going on and nodded her head in approval when she saw me rushing past to get into the station.
When he finally did catch up to me and when he texted and called me afterwards, he kept on blaming me for what happened. He said that I shouldn't have walked away from him when he grabbed onto my hood and that I should have told him that I was playing around and pretending to record him( which is what I said to placate him). When I said that he shouldn't have grabbed my hoodie and pulled he retorted with the so now it's my fault, as if I made him pull my hoodie and react like that.
I wanted to go home but I didn't have my keys on me, so I went down to a nearby marina and watched the boats for awhile.
I ultimately ended up at his parents house. I did not tell them what happened. In the past he would become enraged when he found out that I had told his sisters or mom about what was really going on, and would forbade me to either go to a family function or to say anything. His dad then proceeded to have a conversation about selling his house and giving us the proceeds to buy a house but we should have two kids. His parents have been pressuring me have a child with him even though we aren't married. I want to get married and have a small church wedding but according to my boyfriend I don't deserve a wedding. He also shared with us the importance that both people in a relationship need to contribute financially and pay bills, I told him he should tell that to his son, not me. It would be insanity to have a child with a man like him. I know that he will not change who he is if a child came along.
My friends are aware of the general situation (not of this latest incident), some of my family is aware of the general situation( I don't want them to worry and I don't want to bring unnecessary drama into their lives). His family is aware, one of his older sister's told me to call her for help when I wanted to end things with him and she would come over but when I actually did reach out to her, she said that I was an adult and would need to handle things on my own. I think she feigned concerned in order to get information to gossip with the rest of their family.
I am scared of him. Scared of how he would react if I stand firm in him needing to leave. Scared that he will harm my friends, family, himself and me. He has threaten suicide before. He has threaten to harm my pet. He has threaten to steal my mom's ashes. I have asked him to leave before and either he refuses or he simply ignores me.Him leaving is not that simple. He has nothing to lose yet at the same time everything to lose. He doesn't want to go back to his parents house because they will make him find a full time job and then won't let him do what he wants, he would have less freedom( couldn't smoke weed)...and those are his words not mine. He has never agreed to a break or even a temporary visit because he would "come back madder". He knows if he does leave, I will try to end things with him.
He comes across as a calm, chill guy when he is around my friends and family because he is high all or most of the time. That calm, chill guy is not who he really is. He is angry, volatile, and cruel. Yes, he has his moments of kindness(or niceness) and sweetness. Is it "nice" to have someone around to talk with, yes. Who seemingly care about when you will be back home, yes. but do those niceties outweigh everything else that has happened.
There is so much more that I could add to this post, but I am exhausted and I have blocked several incidents out. He constantly tries to gaslights me. He lied about his background and education. He has gotten physical several other times as well as verbally/emotionally. He has engaged in several sexting relationships, most notably with his ex Christy and his "friend" Lore. When I expressed how hurtful his cheating was he stated that is who he is, that he's the kind guy but since he didn't sleep with them, it's fine, it's not cheating. These girls also do not see anything wrong with what they have done.
I do not have any immediate family ie siblings or parents. Therefore, I cannot go and stay with family until he leaves or have a family member accompany me while he moves out. I do have extended family in the area but life has taught me that there is no guarantee that they will help you even if you desperately need it. It's the American way to find your own way out of problems and pull yourself up by your bootstraps ( I say this sarcastically).
The apt. is in my name and I'm pretty sure there is a clause in it that states that if there are domestic disturbances I would have to move out. As stated above I don't have anywhere else to go, so he must leave.
Sometimes I think that this is my lot in life and that I should just accept it. I find myself questioning if what happened on Saturday really is abuse or if it was just a misunderstanding that got a little bit out of hand. Sometimes I just don't know anymore.

Notes: sorry for the bad English or wrong grammar since English is not my first language
I’m 23 (F) and my fiancé 24 (M) has been engaged for 3 months now. We are exes back at high school but only in relationship for few months. After 5 years, we met again and he propose after few months after we met. Everything was fine before, he took care of my well-being, fulfil my cravings and needs. He has an ex before, she is a cheater and gold digger (from what he told me) he really loved her that he bought the girl almost everything she wanted, an iPhone, iPad, shopping spree, expensive dining and even install the air conditioner and bought furniture at the girl familys house. To the point where the girls family is using him for money. Eventually after 2 years, they broke up.
Back to my story, he changed by time. He doesn’t really pay attention to me like he used to, he plays his phone a lot and no longer fulfil my needs like he used to. I checked his phone few times since I know all his passwords an got access to his social media but theres nothing suspicious, he just scrolling his media social most of the time. The wedding is less than 3 months away and we havent start to prepare anything yet. Just a small talk like where the venue and how many guests we want to invite and that`s all. Every time I try bring him to discuss more about the wedding he keeps saying “whatever u wanted, it will be just fine with me”. At this time, I feel like I am the only one who excited about this wedding. You must be guessing oh he must be working really hard right now to pay the wedding expenses. He is not, his dad lending his money to pay for our wedding expenses and he agreed to pay it back every month after the wedding. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Related to the story of his ex, the girl is jobless and basically his ex-boyfriend who is my fiancé now is the one who provide anything for her. I am working, but the salary is not that much but enough, I notice my fiancé don’t have that much money like he used to so I helped him to cover some expenses using my savings for us to survive. But this is where my hate grew, because just later I know he actually not that broke like what I thought. Few weeks ago, I thought we are facing financial problem that he only bought one meal for me and he refuse for us to share the meal. I, once again use my saving so none of us have to feel hungry and to cover some expenses. He bought a 400 bucks car rims the very next day and told me he wants to join competing a car event that is one month away. As the fiancée I keep thinking why he can`t treat me the way he treated his ex before, she is jobless + cheat on him but he just fine with it and still love and did everything she wanted to just to please her. But when we are together, I am treated this way. I tried confront him few times but he keeps denying and tell me sad story about his previous life. It’s not that I want to be his next gold digger but I sense the injustice in all these issues. Mind that he like to lie with no reason, like just a small inconvenient thing asked and he will pretty much lie.
I don’t know how to feel, what I should do or talk to. because people around me supporting him, saying he is a nice guy whatsoever and it is me who over react all this things.

My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, so crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.