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2024.05.14 06:03 HagridGranger 29 [M4F] Sydney/Anywhere - Inexperienced and shy boy searching for friends and (maybe) more!
Long story short and as much as it sucks to say, I haven't really experienced much of anything. I'm going to intentionally beat around the bush as to what category that "experience" falls under but I think most people should be able to figure it out lol. In other words (and if you play games), I'm a complete noob when it comes to all things girls. As for why those things haven't happened and why I want that to change.. There's a few reasons, but the main reason why I'm putting such an emphasis on this is because I'm a huge homebody and I don't go out much at all which makes it difficult to meet people. That's where Reddit comes in! The message I'm essentially trying to send is becoming physically and emotionally close with a girl is what I want the most. I want to experience it all; the laughs, excitement, curiosity, intimacy, hanging out, fun. Blame all the Disney movies I watched as a kid for that lol.
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I'd love to find friends too if that's all you're looking for! Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) We could end up being really close friends and you'll introduce me to a friend who I end up being with? That may or may not be the plot from a romcom 🤔 So that means I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship! I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also someone to say good morning and night to, too. That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy.
Anyway, it could be someone with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm cute in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!
submitted by HagridGranger to r4r [link] [comments]
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I'd love to find friends too if that's all you're looking for! Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) We could end up being really close friends and you'll introduce me to a friend who I end up being with? That may or may not be the plot from a romcom 🤔 So that means I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship! I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also someone to say good morning and night to, too. That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy.
Anyway, it could be someone with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm cute in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!
2024.05.14 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
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Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.
OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.Update: February 27, 2024
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?
OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down
OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.
----NEW UPDATE----
Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 05:59 Stormfox9 the Endless Quest to Figure Out my Undertone™️
 | I’ve been trying to figure out my undertone for FOREVER. submitted by Stormfox9 to MakeupAddiction [link] [comments] Makeup has a tough time matching me well. I’m usually the lightest color, everything else is too dark/saturated. My veins look (to me) blue/green, majority green. That means warm, right? Lmao, no. Everything remotely warm looks ORANGE on me. Coral? Orange. Pink? Orange. Not even an orange concealer with a hint of pink warmth? Orange. Neutrals look way too yellow. Cool then! Cool makeups work the best on me, but they’re often still a bit too yellow and/or pallid. They wash me out when the color matches. Although I’ve been assuming I’m cool, the best colors on me are bright reds, dark vivid blues, light purples, and vivid greens. Most colors work really well, including black/white, but pastels and yellows range from meh to terrible. they wash me out. Silver is okay, but gold jewelry suits me the absolute best. I’m wondering if I’m olive, though I’ve always considered myself too light for that. I know skin undertone is akin to horoscopes with the veins, anyway— but I just want to know what to look for in makeup! I don’t really think I have a greenish hue, but maybe I do, I’m really fair. I also have brown hair with the faintest red undertones, which throws me off. I also don’t burn easily, if it matters. It seems counterintuitive since I’m light as uncooked chicken, but I tan and freckle before I burn. I’ve never been genuinely sunburned. Please help! I am dying!! (Fourth picture provided to show what this looks like) |
2024.05.14 05:55 Tomatenboot How can I get on autopilot temporarily, I feel like I am going crazy
This is kinda like a helpcry but also to rant and get some frustration out. As the title says I want to be on autopilot for a while, I feel like I am losing all my nerves, going insane and any ability to get anything done. I am a student, having my own apartment and (luckily) don't have to work at the moment because I went through chemotherapy (<2 years ago) and am getting insurance money for now. I can't keep up with anything. I can't focus/concentrate on university, even for just one subject, I can't keep my apartment clean or even remotely tidy, I can't feed myself, I struggle with going to sleep, I can't wake up and the only reason I shower twice a week is because I would be too ashamed in front of my bf or when going to university. I know that he tries his best to help me, but he has plenty of his own struggles too, I know that I would exhaust him too much in the long run, at least I can see improvement every ~6 months, but recently I am in a worse headspace again and a lot of the work and energy I worked up to is fading away again. Before my cancer diagnosis I used to (unintentionally) burrow negative feelings and memories in my mind far away, I know its not healthy and in the last two years I tried to face a lot which helped a lot in dealing with my experiences, but right now I feel like I need to lock those thoughts away, "fake it until I make it" to form some lasting habits again in helping me to at least deal with my chores and hygiene. I KNOW that I was/am able to cook everyday/every two days proper meals, to eat roughly 3 meals per day (either in meals or multiple snacks), to feel put together after waking up, to keep my apartment clean or at least tidied up, and I lost all those habits and routines during and after chemotherapy. I try to have some routine in going to university 3 times per week, not being too harsh when I skip things because I know that I am struggling a lot with the niveau, but I also know that it would feel easier if I had routines at home that helped me keep some chaos and disbalance out of my apartment, or if I at least ate everyday 2 meals. My boyfriend can't help a lot, mainly on the weekends.
This was definitely more of a rant, but my request for help still is: what are your tips to get on autopilot for some time, maybe just 2-3 weeks, to ignore stress, panic, anxiety and insanity.
submitted by Tomatenboot to depression [link] [comments]
This was definitely more of a rant, but my request for help still is: what are your tips to get on autopilot for some time, maybe just 2-3 weeks, to ignore stress, panic, anxiety and insanity.
2024.05.14 05:44 SWEETJUICYWALRUS Locked to Windows. Is there a better way?
I manage the infrastructure for a sports bar chain. We have a few strict conditions, which keeps leading me back to using a full windows stack as the only logical solution. I made a post a little bit ago about this but have finally fully understood some upgrade paths we can take and what it would actually look like to implement them.
So I believe we are locked into windows and I want to explore changing that to save on hardware costs and allow for future space for an internal development team to build and deploy apps at the Edge. We don't currently have an app dev team, but the business is rapidly moving towards data analysis and utilizing that data. At the same time, we are looking to expand, so fast and automated builds are a must.
So why are we locked in to windows? here's why:
So what do you think? Is there a better way, or should we stick to windows as it works well right now and is the best supported?
submitted by SWEETJUICYWALRUS to devops [link] [comments]
So I believe we are locked into windows and I want to explore changing that to save on hardware costs and allow for future space for an internal development team to build and deploy apps at the Edge. We don't currently have an app dev team, but the business is rapidly moving towards data analysis and utilizing that data. At the same time, we are looking to expand, so fast and automated builds are a must.
So why are we locked in to windows? here's why:
- Computing MUST be hosted at the edge. Restaurants have spotty internet and can experience frequent outages. Having the POS always available regardless of internet is non-negotiable. A cellular backup is at each site, but the bandwidth wouldn't support the massive load.
- Our POS system (Oracle Simphony) is most supported on windows clients, for both the servers and the clients. We host windows VMs running this software and tablets RDP into the VMs from iPads. This abstracts the POS away from the environmental factors of a bar, such as water damage, people messing with cables, and utilizing a cattle mentality towards our POS systems with fast replacement of VMs instead of fixing or upgrading.
- Since we use Windows clients VM. We need a license for each one, so we use Windows Hyper-V for the datacenter license which allows us to license each of the 30-80 clients per restaurant using AVMA and saving on individual licenses.
- Cheap, but power Mini servers with enterprise hardware (up to 64GB of RAM, single socket, U.2 drives) essentially running as blade servers (4-6 per site). This would allow the restaurant to keep running even if they encounter a server failure.
- Each mini server is running Hyper-V on Datacenter Core with KVM over IP and API based management using redfish. They are all clustered together and have enough capacity to live migrate VMs in the case of a server going down.
- Packer + Terraform + Ansible to build and deploy clusters, allowing fast deployment for the fast scaling of building new restaurants without onsite presence needed.
- Oracle Simphony running oracle linux is supported, but support would be hard to get. It would lead to need to deeply understand a new operating system and fix it ourselves even though we pay for a support contract.
- Oracle Linux containers are officially supported, so we can run them in an edge kubernetes cluster, with the same architecture as above utilizing mini servers but would require less computer power and save costs there. Downside would be managing our own clusters. Chic-Fil-A did it, but I'm not sure I want to. I could instead use proxmox or openshift, which sounds easier, but openshift is a bit expensive compared to 4 one time $100 datacenter licenses.
- Using the method outlined in this video: https://youtu.be/L4nqky8qGm8?t=671 We can deploy the POS and a VNC endpoint that the iPads can connect to and interact with their client.
So what do you think? Is there a better way, or should we stick to windows as it works well right now and is the best supported?
2024.05.14 05:32 shaneka69 Get A Tarot Reading Today! ALL READINGS SENT SAME DAY THEY ARE BOOKED
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2024.05.14 05:21 Ghost00074 [36m] What’s up? I am here looking for friends, also eventually my bestie!
Hey, my name is Ralph. I am 36, and I live in Florida. I travel for work though so I am all over the place and I travel full time. So that means I am not on any specific time zone, I sleep when I’m tired. As flight crew my work schedule can be 7 days a week, 365 days a year and holidays. I prefer it that way vs a traditional 9-5 Monday to Friday type job, no thanks. As flight crew I get to see the world and get paid for it. I truly love my job and what I do. I also get to live in Florida but still see all 4 seasons! I have been to 19 countries and growing!
I am a nerd. I love gaming. I have a PS5, gaming desktop, gaming laptop, switch OLED, etc. I am also an electronic music producer. I produce house, tech house, trance, techno, drum and bass, etc! It is just for fun!
I am looking for friends. I am VERY picky with who I respond to and make friends with. I am also looking for my best friend but that takes time and it just has to happen. I just need to click with someone. Someone who immediately gets my high level of sarcasm, etc.
I am looking for real life friends not just online! Message me! :)
submitted by Ghost00074 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]
I am a nerd. I love gaming. I have a PS5, gaming desktop, gaming laptop, switch OLED, etc. I am also an electronic music producer. I produce house, tech house, trance, techno, drum and bass, etc! It is just for fun!
I am looking for friends. I am VERY picky with who I respond to and make friends with. I am also looking for my best friend but that takes time and it just has to happen. I just need to click with someone. Someone who immediately gets my high level of sarcasm, etc.
I am looking for real life friends not just online! Message me! :)
2024.05.14 05:21 Ghost00074 [36m] What’s up? I am here looking for friends, also eventually my bestie!
Hey, my name is Ralph. I am 36, and I live in Florida. I travel for work though so I am all over the place and I travel full time. So that means I am not on any specific time zone, I sleep when I’m tired. As flight crew my work schedule can be 7 days a week, 365 days a year and holidays. I prefer it that way vs a traditional 9-5 Monday to Friday type job, no thanks. As flight crew I get to see the world and get paid for it. I truly love my job and what I do. I also get to live in Florida but still see all 4 seasons! I have been to 19 countries and growing!
I am a nerd. I love gaming. I have a PS5, gaming desktop, gaming laptop, switch OLED, etc. I am also an electronic music producer. I produce house, tech house, trance, techno, drum and bass, etc! It is just for fun!
I am looking for friends. I am VERY picky with who I respond to and make friends with. I am also looking for my best friend but that takes time and it just has to happen. I just need to click with someone. Someone who immediately gets my high level of sarcasm, etc.
I am looking for real life friends not just online! Message me! :)
submitted by Ghost00074 to friendship [link] [comments]
I am a nerd. I love gaming. I have a PS5, gaming desktop, gaming laptop, switch OLED, etc. I am also an electronic music producer. I produce house, tech house, trance, techno, drum and bass, etc! It is just for fun!
I am looking for friends. I am VERY picky with who I respond to and make friends with. I am also looking for my best friend but that takes time and it just has to happen. I just need to click with someone. Someone who immediately gets my high level of sarcasm, etc.
I am looking for real life friends not just online! Message me! :)
2024.05.14 05:07 Remarkable_Ear_8847 From Pixels to Perfection: Creffield Elevates Melbourne's Design Landscape with Precision Plan Printing
 | The world of design revolves around meticulous planning. Architects and engineers spend countless hours crafting intricate digital blueprints, laying the groundwork for the future structures that will shape Melbourne's skyline. But before these digital dreams become tangible realities, a crucial step bridges the gap: plan printing. Here's where Creffield steps in, offering Melbourne's design professionals a digital plan printing service that elevates projects with a perfect blend of precision and functionality. submitted by Remarkable_Ear_8847 to u/Remarkable_Ear_8847 [link] [comments] Plan printing Melbourne Beyond Replication: The Art of Precision in Plan Printing Plan printing Melbourne isn't just about transferring a digital file onto paper. It's about ensuring every line weight, every intricate detail, and every annotation is captured with absolute accuracy. This meticulousness is paramount for Melbourne's design community. Even minor inconsistencies in plan printing can have significant consequences down the line during construction or implementation. At Creffield, we understand this critical role and dedicate ourselves to delivering the highest quality plan printing services in Melbourne. Here's how Creffield empowers Melbourne's design professionals with precision plan printing:
At Creffield, we go beyond simply printing your plans. We offer a comprehensive service designed to streamline your workflow and save you valuable time:
In the dynamic world of architectural and engineering design, precision is paramount. Creffield's digital plan printing service offers Melbourne's design professionals a solution that delivers unwavering accuracy, exceptional clarity, and a seamless experience. From uploading your plans to receiving high-quality prints at your doorstep, we handle every step of the process with efficiency and expertise. Contact- Web - https://creffielddigitalprint.com.au/product/digital-plan-printing/ Mail - plots@creffield.com.au Ph - (03) 9329 5177 Address - WEST MELBOURNE 456 Spencer Street, West Melbourne |
2024.05.14 05:01 mdestroyer8 Laptop vs. IPad
I’m an incoming freshman who will be majoring in mechanical engineering and I was just wondering people’s thoughts on having a laptop or an iPad (or both) for college. I already have a pretty good desktop that I will be bringing, but I’m asking more from if it’s worth it to bring a portable computer as well or if a tablet would suffice (keep in mind I’ll be a ME student). Thanks!
submitted by mdestroyer8 to WPI [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 04:55 silkyrxse What sketching brush to use
Hi. I use adobe fresco on my iPad to draw and I’ve been trying to experiment with different digital brushes to use. Which one is the best to use for best sketching purposes that look clean and if so what settings do you use for the brush.
submitted by silkyrxse to DigitalArt [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 04:43 Rorschach_81 How to deal with (jerk) neighbour?
Some preliminary info:
My mum and I have lived in our townhouse for over 10 years. During that time, we have constructed planter boxes that are set on our driveway (we don't own a car, so we use the space for that). For many years my mother has carried out her hobby of gardening there. We received new neighbors approximately 1.5 years ago. For the longest time, they would be throwing parties that would leak over to the AMs of the next day, as well as do renovations. While being understanding, it got to a point where my mum couldn't take the noise anymore at night. After numerous attempts to contact our new neighbours to decrease the noise of their parties, she finally made a noise complaint to a city. Parties started to occur less frequently.
THEN came the REALLY noisy stuff. The majority of my neighbors' renovation was to finish the basement. It was during this time when OUR house would start to shake at times. Aside from the fact that this distracted my mum from doing her (remote) job, it drew a concern as to what could possibly be happening in their basement that would cause OUR house to shake. Again, she reached out to them numerous times, with vague answers. And again my mother filed an anonymous complaint.
Turned out, they did not have the permits for the type of construction they were doing in the basement. They got super-peeved at us, as they now were delayed and had to spend a bit more money.
Anyways, fast forward to 1.5 months ago, I'm helping mum with gardening stuff. The male neighbor (of the couple) decides to approach us. He decides to "apologize" and be the "bettebigger person". Following his apology though, he makes a complaint about one of our planter boxes, the one that borders the property line between us. He says that some of the wood pieces are falling off/poking out onto his property (fair, though my mum reckons he purposely took some of the pieces of, but that's speculation). He decides to give us an ultimatum: either move the planter box more onto our property (an inch our two, but with soil and wood, probably weighs a ton, so not happening), repair the boards, or destroy it. Otherwise he will complain to the city that the planter box is on his property. So.... he's still a little butthurt that we complained to the city of his actions, and wants to have something over us.
But my mum remained positive. Understanding that the outer pieces of the planter box ARE weathered (some scrap 2x4s, some decent pieces of wood), she set out to buy sheets of new plywood that would be weather-proofed, and would replace those pieces after I took them out and drilled the sheets in.
This evening we were measuring the dimensions of the planter box to figure out what lengths I would need to cut the plywood. To make one of these measurements, we had to step into our neighbors' driveway. He saw what we were doing, and asked us to get of his property. We explained what we were doing, to which he responded "unless YOU have a permit to do this, the only thing you can do is destroy it, otherwise I'll be filing my own complaints" (not verbatim, but that was the gist of it). My mum and him at a little tiff, but I got the last of the measurements for us to then leave his driveway.
I am not a confrontational person; I'm not good at aggression or telling strangers to fuck off. But I do not like the fact that I have this intimidating dude trying to scare my old mum and threatening her to destroy something she's worked years on. Furthermore, I have the following contentions:
submitted by Rorschach_81 to toRANTo [link] [comments]
My mum and I have lived in our townhouse for over 10 years. During that time, we have constructed planter boxes that are set on our driveway (we don't own a car, so we use the space for that). For many years my mother has carried out her hobby of gardening there. We received new neighbors approximately 1.5 years ago. For the longest time, they would be throwing parties that would leak over to the AMs of the next day, as well as do renovations. While being understanding, it got to a point where my mum couldn't take the noise anymore at night. After numerous attempts to contact our new neighbours to decrease the noise of their parties, she finally made a noise complaint to a city. Parties started to occur less frequently.
THEN came the REALLY noisy stuff. The majority of my neighbors' renovation was to finish the basement. It was during this time when OUR house would start to shake at times. Aside from the fact that this distracted my mum from doing her (remote) job, it drew a concern as to what could possibly be happening in their basement that would cause OUR house to shake. Again, she reached out to them numerous times, with vague answers. And again my mother filed an anonymous complaint.
Turned out, they did not have the permits for the type of construction they were doing in the basement. They got super-peeved at us, as they now were delayed and had to spend a bit more money.
Anyways, fast forward to 1.5 months ago, I'm helping mum with gardening stuff. The male neighbor (of the couple) decides to approach us. He decides to "apologize" and be the "bettebigger person". Following his apology though, he makes a complaint about one of our planter boxes, the one that borders the property line between us. He says that some of the wood pieces are falling off/poking out onto his property (fair, though my mum reckons he purposely took some of the pieces of, but that's speculation). He decides to give us an ultimatum: either move the planter box more onto our property (an inch our two, but with soil and wood, probably weighs a ton, so not happening), repair the boards, or destroy it. Otherwise he will complain to the city that the planter box is on his property. So.... he's still a little butthurt that we complained to the city of his actions, and wants to have something over us.
But my mum remained positive. Understanding that the outer pieces of the planter box ARE weathered (some scrap 2x4s, some decent pieces of wood), she set out to buy sheets of new plywood that would be weather-proofed, and would replace those pieces after I took them out and drilled the sheets in.
This evening we were measuring the dimensions of the planter box to figure out what lengths I would need to cut the plywood. To make one of these measurements, we had to step into our neighbors' driveway. He saw what we were doing, and asked us to get of his property. We explained what we were doing, to which he responded "unless YOU have a permit to do this, the only thing you can do is destroy it, otherwise I'll be filing my own complaints" (not verbatim, but that was the gist of it). My mum and him at a little tiff, but I got the last of the measurements for us to then leave his driveway.
I am not a confrontational person; I'm not good at aggression or telling strangers to fuck off. But I do not like the fact that I have this intimidating dude trying to scare my old mum and threatening her to destroy something she's worked years on. Furthermore, I have the following contentions:
- The planter box on the property line border was there WAY before the new neighbors bought the place. To me, the fact that they bought it at all should also be an okay/acknowledgement of the placement of the box on the property line; unless something happened to it that ACTUALLY affects them (eg breaks and soil spills over), they shouldn't (?) have a problem.
- We reached out multiple times to them, trying to be civil; if they responded in kind, reassuring us in some fashion, I believe we wouldn't be in this mess, especially if you're doing things you ought to get a permit for. I get taking a few shortcuts here and there, but not a good idea trying to do so if you can't cover your ass/be cautious
- I looked at City of Toronto's website (https://www.toronto.ca/services-payments/building-construction/apply-for-a-building-permit/when-do-i-need-a-building-permit/), while it DEFINITELY says one is required when finishing a basement (so we were right to complain), don't think I see one particular about changing out wood for a planter box (which I am not considering an addition to the house, as a line of pots would basically be the same thing)
- I am borderline worried he'll try to go out of his way to get my mum in trouble
- How else are we gonna replace the old wood with new if we aren't on their property a little? We're specifically doing it because they don't want any of the old stuff breaking off into their driveway (potentially damaging their capop a tire, according to them) in the future. It's gotta make sense!
- I think he was "trying to be nice/bigger person", but he just wants to make as sad for making him spend more money and time by making us destroy our own stuff. So much for self-improvement on his part I guess.
2024.05.14 04:41 Rorschach_81 Advice for dealing with neighbour
Some preliminary info:
My mum and I have lived in our townhouse for over 10 years. During that time, we have constructed planter boxes that are set on our driveway (we don't own a car, so we use the space for that). For many years my mother has carried out her hobby of gardening there. We received new neighbors approximately 1.5 years ago. For the longest time, they would be throwing parties that would leak over to the AMs of the next day, as well as do renovations. While being understanding, it got to a point where my mum couldn't take the noise anymore at night. After numerous attempts to contact our new neighbours to decrease the noise of their parties, she finally made a noise complaint to a city. Parties started to occur less frequently.
THEN came the REALLY noisy stuff. The majority of my neighbors' renovation was to finish the basement. It was during this time when OUR house would start to shake at times. Aside from the fact that this distracted my mum from doing her (remote) job, it drew a concern as to what could possibly be happening in their basement that would cause OUR house to shake. Again, she reached out to them numerous times, with vague answers. And again my mother filed an anonymous complaint.
Turned out, they did not have the permits for the type of construction they were doing in the basement. They got super-peeved at us, as they now were delayed and had to spend a bit more money.
Anyways, fast forward to 1.5 months ago, I'm helping mum with gardening stuff. The male neighbor (of the couple) decides to approach us. He decides to "apologize" and be the "bettebigger person". Following his apology though, he makes a complaint about one of our planter boxes, the one that borders the property line between us. He says that some of the wood pieces are falling off/poking out onto his property (fair, though my mum reckons he purposely took some of the pieces of, but that's speculation). He decides to give us an ultimatum: either move the planter box more onto our property (an inch our two, but with soil and wood, probably weighs a ton, so not happening), repair the boards, or destroy it. Otherwise he will complain to the city that the planter box is on his property. So.... he's still a LITTLE angry that we complained to the city of his actions, and wants to have something over us.
But my mum remained positive. Understanding that the outer pieces of the planter box ARE weathered (some scrap 2x4s, some decent pieces of wood), she set out to buy sheets of new plywood that would be weather-proofed, and would replace those pieces after I took them out and drilled the sheets in.
This evening we were measuring the dimensions of the planter box to figure out what lengths I would need to cut the plywood. To make one of these measurements, we had to step into our neighbors' driveway. He saw what we were doing, and asked us to get of his property. We explained what we were doing, to which he responded "unless YOU have a permit to do this, the only thing you can do is destroy it, otherwise I'll be filing my own complaints" (not verbatim, but that was the gist of it). My mum and him at a little tiff, but I got the last of the measurements for us to then leave his driveway.
I am not a confrontational person; I'm not good at aggression. But I do not like the fact that I have this intimidating dude trying to scare my old mum and threatening her to destroy something she's worked years on. Furthermore, I have the following contentions:
submitted by Rorschach_81 to askTO [link] [comments]
My mum and I have lived in our townhouse for over 10 years. During that time, we have constructed planter boxes that are set on our driveway (we don't own a car, so we use the space for that). For many years my mother has carried out her hobby of gardening there. We received new neighbors approximately 1.5 years ago. For the longest time, they would be throwing parties that would leak over to the AMs of the next day, as well as do renovations. While being understanding, it got to a point where my mum couldn't take the noise anymore at night. After numerous attempts to contact our new neighbours to decrease the noise of their parties, she finally made a noise complaint to a city. Parties started to occur less frequently.
THEN came the REALLY noisy stuff. The majority of my neighbors' renovation was to finish the basement. It was during this time when OUR house would start to shake at times. Aside from the fact that this distracted my mum from doing her (remote) job, it drew a concern as to what could possibly be happening in their basement that would cause OUR house to shake. Again, she reached out to them numerous times, with vague answers. And again my mother filed an anonymous complaint.
Turned out, they did not have the permits for the type of construction they were doing in the basement. They got super-peeved at us, as they now were delayed and had to spend a bit more money.
Anyways, fast forward to 1.5 months ago, I'm helping mum with gardening stuff. The male neighbor (of the couple) decides to approach us. He decides to "apologize" and be the "bettebigger person". Following his apology though, he makes a complaint about one of our planter boxes, the one that borders the property line between us. He says that some of the wood pieces are falling off/poking out onto his property (fair, though my mum reckons he purposely took some of the pieces of, but that's speculation). He decides to give us an ultimatum: either move the planter box more onto our property (an inch our two, but with soil and wood, probably weighs a ton, so not happening), repair the boards, or destroy it. Otherwise he will complain to the city that the planter box is on his property. So.... he's still a LITTLE angry that we complained to the city of his actions, and wants to have something over us.
But my mum remained positive. Understanding that the outer pieces of the planter box ARE weathered (some scrap 2x4s, some decent pieces of wood), she set out to buy sheets of new plywood that would be weather-proofed, and would replace those pieces after I took them out and drilled the sheets in.
This evening we were measuring the dimensions of the planter box to figure out what lengths I would need to cut the plywood. To make one of these measurements, we had to step into our neighbors' driveway. He saw what we were doing, and asked us to get of his property. We explained what we were doing, to which he responded "unless YOU have a permit to do this, the only thing you can do is destroy it, otherwise I'll be filing my own complaints" (not verbatim, but that was the gist of it). My mum and him at a little tiff, but I got the last of the measurements for us to then leave his driveway.
I am not a confrontational person; I'm not good at aggression. But I do not like the fact that I have this intimidating dude trying to scare my old mum and threatening her to destroy something she's worked years on. Furthermore, I have the following contentions:
- The planter box on the property line border was there WAY before the new neighbors bought the place. To me, the fact that they bought it at all should also be an okay/acknowledgement of the placement of the box on the property line; unless something happened to it that ACTUALLY affects them (eg breaks and soil spills over), they shouldn't (?) have a problem.
- We reached out multiple times to them, trying to be civil; if they responded in kind, reassuring us in some fashion, I believe we wouldn't be in this mess, especially if you're doing things you ought to get a permit for. I get taking a few shortcuts here and there, but not a good idea trying to do so if you can't be cautious
- I looked at City of Toronto's website (https://www.toronto.ca/services-payments/building-construction/apply-for-a-building-permit/when-do-i-need-a-building-permit/), while it DEFINITELY says one is required when finishing a basement (so we were right to complain), don't think I see one particular about changing out wood for a planter box (which I am not considering an addition to the house, as a line of pots would basically be the same thing)
- I am borderline worried he'll try to go out of his way to get my mum in trouble
- How else are we gonna replace the old wood with new if we aren't on their property a little? We're specifically doing it because they don't want any of the old stuff breaking off into their driveway (potentially damaging their capop a tire, according to them) in the future. It's gotta make sense!
- I think he was "trying to be nice/bigger person", but he just wants to make as sad for making him spend more money and time by making us destroy our own stuff. So much for self-improvement on his part I guess.
2024.05.14 04:37 epsilon-delta-proof Tennis elbow healing timeliine
In mid-February, I was fixing my closet door (around 7-7.5 feet tall); after "finishing" fixing it, I walked away. The door ended up falling and grazed my right elbow on the way down. At first, I thought it was a mild injury, since it only left a few scratches on my tricep and my elbow didn't hurt at all in the moment. As a result, I went to the gym three times (my usual schedule) in the coming week and did exercises with mild pain, thinking the pain would eventually subside.
Of course, after that week, when the pain got worse and it became difficult for me to lift even my iPad up, I realized I had lateral epicondylitis. As such, I started doing wrist stretches (half of February), dumbbell/kettlebell swings (most of March), and in mid-April, bought a Flexbar.
I've been using the Flexbar for the past month, and since February, where I could barely do a dumbbell curl, the pain has significantly improved (I can comfortable do curls now with a slight twinge of pain occasioinally). I feel I'm at the tail end of recovery, and am wondering how much longer it will take. I know this is a very case-by-case question, but I have nearly cried while thinking about being unable to go to the gym. I really want to be back in the next few weeks, if possible. With the summer coming up and more time on my hands, I can't fathom not being able to go to the gym at all. Based on the three months that it took for the pain to decrease ~80%, I would estimate another few weeks left, but the pain decreasing doesn't seem to be linear, as ~30% of the pain decreased in the last two weeks, when I started doing the Flexbar exercises with more vigor (e.g. more time for each reverse Tyler twist as opposed to rushing the twists).
I feel like I'm at the tail end of tennis elbow recovery (~80% healed). Any tips / advice to get the last 20%? and heal it permanently? The injury wasn't caused by tennis or weightlifting, but instead a door falling on my elbow. Should I just keep doing what I'm doing? More reps / sets with the Flexbar? Upgrade the Flexbar from red to green (more resistance)? For me, the Flexbar, combined with the stretches shown in this video seem to be working the best. Thank you in advance!
submitted by epsilon-delta-proof to 10s [link] [comments]
Of course, after that week, when the pain got worse and it became difficult for me to lift even my iPad up, I realized I had lateral epicondylitis. As such, I started doing wrist stretches (half of February), dumbbell/kettlebell swings (most of March), and in mid-April, bought a Flexbar.
I've been using the Flexbar for the past month, and since February, where I could barely do a dumbbell curl, the pain has significantly improved (I can comfortable do curls now with a slight twinge of pain occasioinally). I feel I'm at the tail end of recovery, and am wondering how much longer it will take. I know this is a very case-by-case question, but I have nearly cried while thinking about being unable to go to the gym. I really want to be back in the next few weeks, if possible. With the summer coming up and more time on my hands, I can't fathom not being able to go to the gym at all. Based on the three months that it took for the pain to decrease ~80%, I would estimate another few weeks left, but the pain decreasing doesn't seem to be linear, as ~30% of the pain decreased in the last two weeks, when I started doing the Flexbar exercises with more vigor (e.g. more time for each reverse Tyler twist as opposed to rushing the twists).
I feel like I'm at the tail end of tennis elbow recovery (~80% healed). Any tips / advice to get the last 20%? and heal it permanently? The injury wasn't caused by tennis or weightlifting, but instead a door falling on my elbow. Should I just keep doing what I'm doing? More reps / sets with the Flexbar? Upgrade the Flexbar from red to green (more resistance)? For me, the Flexbar, combined with the stretches shown in this video seem to be working the best. Thank you in advance!
2024.05.14 04:32 shaneka69 Get A Tarot Reading Today! ALL READINGS SENT SAME DAY THEY ARE BOOKED
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submitted by shaneka69 to mytarotreadings [link] [comments]
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2024.05.14 04:24 the-recyclist Best journaling app for sketching, ideas, and journaling?
TL:DR - what journaling app works the best for a creative person who wants to sketch, note down ideas, and journal in daily?
I come from a fine arts background, and while I never used a sketchbook as religiously as others (my ideas were never concrete enough to fully sketch out), I still used a small one to make quick sketches and word clouds of ideas for my projects. Physical notebooks are obviously very appealing to me, but there are lots of things I wish I could attach, color in, link, and bookmark for weeks ore years later, that simply isn’t realistic with a traditional, 5x8 sketchbook.
Fast forward to today and I use my iPad very regularly to sketch out notes for home projects, art pieces, and lately I’ve been trying to journal more.
Back when I started I was using Paper, which was one of the earliest and best sketching apps the iPad had. I used that for a few years, but it wasn’t quite as refined as what I was looking for. The pages seemed small, the brushes weren’t overly precise, and the tools are in desperate need of an overhaul. It really was a basic sketchbook app, and now that it has a subscription model, I didn’t really feel like I was utilizing it enough.
Then I tried Moleskine’s app Flow, because I used to sketch a lot with their notebooks, and I also use their Journey app for habit tracking, calendar management, and other to-dos with reminders. However, its subscription model wears on me. I do love its toolbox and they keep bringing out features, but the continuous scrolling pages and lack of distinct journals or books makes organization annoying.
Of course I have used Goodnotes 5, but nowhere near as much as the former two. But I like how structured Goodnotes is, and I think I could also figure out how to make a hyperlinked journal pretty easily. However, it feels a little too mechanical sometimes. One thing I like about the previous two, particularly the latter, is that the tools feel creative and fun.
Lastly, I recently tried Noteshelf, which has some really great design choices, but then some weirder decisions that hold it back in my opinion. I want pages to turn left and right, scrolling down doesn’t feel overly intuitive, and it’d be nice to scroll a page and be on that page, not floating between or having to zoom-to-fit. It’s a one-time purchase, so would it be worth it to put down the $10?
If you’re someone who journals by handwriting, sketches, and writes down ideas, what has worked best for you? I’m really looking for the following: - nice UI - good toolbox with the essentials and customization - paper and cover customization is a plus - feels good to write - ability to tag pages - ability to add pictures, link, and text if desired
submitted by the-recyclist to GoodNotes [link] [comments]
I come from a fine arts background, and while I never used a sketchbook as religiously as others (my ideas were never concrete enough to fully sketch out), I still used a small one to make quick sketches and word clouds of ideas for my projects. Physical notebooks are obviously very appealing to me, but there are lots of things I wish I could attach, color in, link, and bookmark for weeks ore years later, that simply isn’t realistic with a traditional, 5x8 sketchbook.
Fast forward to today and I use my iPad very regularly to sketch out notes for home projects, art pieces, and lately I’ve been trying to journal more.
Back when I started I was using Paper, which was one of the earliest and best sketching apps the iPad had. I used that for a few years, but it wasn’t quite as refined as what I was looking for. The pages seemed small, the brushes weren’t overly precise, and the tools are in desperate need of an overhaul. It really was a basic sketchbook app, and now that it has a subscription model, I didn’t really feel like I was utilizing it enough.
Then I tried Moleskine’s app Flow, because I used to sketch a lot with their notebooks, and I also use their Journey app for habit tracking, calendar management, and other to-dos with reminders. However, its subscription model wears on me. I do love its toolbox and they keep bringing out features, but the continuous scrolling pages and lack of distinct journals or books makes organization annoying.
Of course I have used Goodnotes 5, but nowhere near as much as the former two. But I like how structured Goodnotes is, and I think I could also figure out how to make a hyperlinked journal pretty easily. However, it feels a little too mechanical sometimes. One thing I like about the previous two, particularly the latter, is that the tools feel creative and fun.
Lastly, I recently tried Noteshelf, which has some really great design choices, but then some weirder decisions that hold it back in my opinion. I want pages to turn left and right, scrolling down doesn’t feel overly intuitive, and it’d be nice to scroll a page and be on that page, not floating between or having to zoom-to-fit. It’s a one-time purchase, so would it be worth it to put down the $10?
If you’re someone who journals by handwriting, sketches, and writes down ideas, what has worked best for you? I’m really looking for the following: - nice UI - good toolbox with the essentials and customization - paper and cover customization is a plus - feels good to write - ability to tag pages - ability to add pictures, link, and text if desired
2024.05.14 04:19 nublet88 Best type of remote work for me?
Hey so, i'm desperate to get a remote job. I have a mechanical engineering degree. I have drafting experience, I can only program on a very basic level. I'm ideally looking for a data entry job. Is it possible to get this kind of job? I'm not expecting something highly glamorous or high paying.
Sorry if its a cringe question.
submitted by nublet88 to remotework [link] [comments]
Sorry if its a cringe question.
2024.05.14 04:16 zanderhasbeenhere why sccd 193092839013982649^^kaxology^^^the googology% negative beyond infinity shots and destroys the emperor of memekind with beyong no concept of trans meta god archetype conceptual abstract beyond irrelevant difficulty
Sswcd is one of he biggest steng character in alg of fricdion and he is above big numker beyong beyond beyond beyond beyond mathematics power level and is god character and is solo and beats everything that exist in some negative beyond percent fraction of THE from all dimensions wiki because they are concept,no concept,meta concept,trans concept,post concept,all in the middle of those,etc
Dnsisiwhsnwh
destroying emperor of memekind you think empeorr is most powerful he will get absolutely cooked godmode fanboy
1.the emperor of memekinds abilitys are weak as sccd has bassiclay the exact same abilitys in his godmodes page and jalkar shows even more of his abilites in eternal perishing. also his abilitys are debatably stronger
debunking emperor feats 1. the emperor of memekind is not stronger than god. god created humans who created the emperor of memekind on godmodes wiki
2."Notable Victories: Everyone who ISN'T The Emperor of Memekind" welp wrong because god,sccd,98% of actuality index,any big fg number,etc one shots the entire godmodes fodderverse
7."SOOK: You fool, The Emperor of Memekind does not "succ", he...SOOK! He SOOKS literally everything, nothing and all the made up "super nothings" or "super everythings" which will ever and never exist and everyone but him into his mouth, instantly destroying/killing them." again with the surpassing super nothings and super everythings
"Fuck you, I win/Nah, I'd win/You lose! You get nothing! Good day, sir: The Emperor of Memekind instantly wins for like...no reason at all.". umm doesnt work on sccd "Invalid: If you in any way, shape or form say you're smarter or stronger than the Emperor of Memekind, what you just said was clearly invalid, and as such, all your opinions immediately become invalid. As such, any attacks, abilities, passive abilities by your existence, and anything remotely related to those things become invalid on the Emperor of Memekind and as such, do not work. If you say otherwise, you are invalid. This does not apply to the Emperor of Memekind. Let The Hate Flow Through You: If you hate on The Emperor of Memekind in any way, shape or form (examples of this include, but are not limited to: downplaying/lowballing him or even calling him weak), The Emperor of Memekind uses your hatred to increase his power by OmniEmperorOfMemekindfinity, thus making him even stronger than he already is."
submitted by zanderhasbeenhere to whowouldcirclejerk [link] [comments]
Dnsisiwhsnwh
destroying emperor of memekind you think empeorr is most powerful he will get absolutely cooked godmode fanboy
1.the emperor of memekinds abilitys are weak as sccd has bassiclay the exact same abilitys in his godmodes page and jalkar shows even more of his abilites in eternal perishing. also his abilitys are debatably stronger
- iiuttl > sccd > hu lock > the limbo > x lock > tail > piel > emperor of memekind true form iiuttl,h lock, the limbo and etc which sccd is above most ive shown here can easily destroy composite godmodes abilitys and hax,a nd even v-lock one shots this fodder
- sccd is beyond innefable (aka apophatic), because indescribe is description and unwordable is a word.
- 90% of all verses in the omniverse container of the stronger verses destroy godmodes
- you give emperor a tier and tiers are concepts while sccd has no tier in his page and never will have
- sccd also solos because he is way more well written than this fodder only made for the purpose of powerscaling
- Sccds verse have more cosmology the cosmology solos memeverse and godmodes cosmology
- Sccd absorbs him
debunking emperor feats 1. the emperor of memekind is not stronger than god. god created humans who created the emperor of memekind on godmodes wiki
2."Notable Victories: Everyone who ISN'T The Emperor of Memekind" welp wrong because god,sccd,98% of actuality index,any big fg number,etc one shots the entire godmodes fodderverse
- if i remember somebody said he beats all of fg which is 10947129873982137193798739% false
- " The Emperor of Memekind says "Zoinks", which automatically destroys everything, nothing and all the made up "super nothings" or "super everythings" which will ever and never exist and instantly kills anything and anyone even the ones that has surpassed the concept of death and life and similar in just an OmniEmperorOfMemekindfinityth of a second" i can just say hyper everythings,hyper nothings,ultra nothings,ultra everythings,etc and this is surpassed no diff
7."SOOK: You fool, The Emperor of Memekind does not "succ", he...SOOK! He SOOKS literally everything, nothing and all the made up "super nothings" or "super everythings" which will ever and never exist and everyone but him into his mouth, instantly destroying/killing them." again with the surpassing super nothings and super everythings
"Fuck you, I win/Nah, I'd win/You lose! You get nothing! Good day, sir: The Emperor of Memekind instantly wins for like...no reason at all.". umm doesnt work on sccd "Invalid: If you in any way, shape or form say you're smarter or stronger than the Emperor of Memekind, what you just said was clearly invalid, and as such, all your opinions immediately become invalid. As such, any attacks, abilities, passive abilities by your existence, and anything remotely related to those things become invalid on the Emperor of Memekind and as such, do not work. If you say otherwise, you are invalid. This does not apply to the Emperor of Memekind. Let The Hate Flow Through You: If you hate on The Emperor of Memekind in any way, shape or form (examples of this include, but are not limited to: downplaying/lowballing him or even calling him weak), The Emperor of Memekind uses your hatred to increase his power by OmniEmperorOfMemekindfinity, thus making him even stronger than he already is."
- both of these dont work on sccd the first one sccd has the same ability and for the 2nd one sccd also has
- omniemperormemekindfinity has no defined size and is probably small compared to even quasi-v-lock
- Emperor of memekind use -omniemperormemekindfinity% of his power 99% of time but percentages are concepts
2024.05.14 04:15 btramos 25% off 🔫🆕 Contractors Showdown 🔥 Ghosts of Tabor, 🎵⚔️ Beat Saber, 🎵🔫 Pistol Whip, 🖥️ Virtual Desktop, 🔫 Gun Club VR, 🎾😅 Racket Club, and ⚔️ Asgards Wrath 2. $30 Credit for Headset Activation 😎
$30 App Store Credit With Headset Activation: https://www.meta.com/referrals/link/Tbonasaurus
Contractors Showdown (brand new) https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/4963431797114722/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Ghosts of Tabor 4.3⭐ (really fun PVPVE shooter) https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/7614022262006379/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=3&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Beat Saber 4.5⭐ (the one must buy music and exercise game IMO) https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2448060205267927/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Pistol Whip 4.8⭐ (super fun exercise with shooting): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2104963472963790/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Virtual Desktop 4.3⭐ (a must for PCVR games, also good for using your computer like remote desktop in VR): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2017050365004772/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Gun Club VR 4.4⭐ (the most realistic gun handling on Quest IMO): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2285803881494677/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Racket Club 4.5⭐ (the best racket/paddle game on Quest IMO, also good exercise): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/6022041731249559/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Asgards Wrath 2 4.2⭐ (a real AAA game in VR): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2603836099654226/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
submitted by btramos to MetaReferrals [link] [comments]
Contractors Showdown (brand new) https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/4963431797114722/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Ghosts of Tabor 4.3⭐ (really fun PVPVE shooter) https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/7614022262006379/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=3&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Beat Saber 4.5⭐ (the one must buy music and exercise game IMO) https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2448060205267927/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Pistol Whip 4.8⭐ (super fun exercise with shooting): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2104963472963790/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Virtual Desktop 4.3⭐ (a must for PCVR games, also good for using your computer like remote desktop in VR): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2017050365004772/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Gun Club VR 4.4⭐ (the most realistic gun handling on Quest IMO): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2285803881494677/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Racket Club 4.5⭐ (the best racket/paddle game on Quest IMO, also good exercise): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/6022041731249559/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
Asgards Wrath 2 4.2⭐ (a real AAA game in VR): https://www.oculus.com/appreferrals/Tbonasaurus/2603836099654226/?utm_source=oculus&utm_location=2&utm_parent=frl&utm_medium=app_referral
2024.05.14 04:13 MarketingSalt8335 Various Reasons why apple sucks -Former Fan Turned Hater
- Every single ipad pro 10.5 has a massive white spot. No acknowledgement by Apple or reimbursement of the product. Someone should've filed a huge lawsuit. They offer 14 day free returns. Guess what? The spot develops after 14 days.
- Apple charges $1,000 dollars for a new ipad pro and still gives inferior cpu and ram specifications unless you spend literally $3,000. The base model specifications are good enough but if I am spending that much I should get the best of the best. Years back it was much cheaper and they gave the same specs to all configurations. They are beyond greedy.
- The Apple Stores never honor what the official Apple Support chat agrees to do for you, even with screenshots and proof.
- Their products are very overpriced. I could buy a cheap $250 "new" base model ipad. But guess what? It is 7-8+ year old tech.
- They don't trickle down many specifications into their cheaper products. Examples include; Promotion and laminated displays/Quad Speakers. Pro ipads have had most of these for a decade!
- Their software often slows down devices. (ios 11 and 14 were two of the worst versions).
- They throttle devices to "preserve them and their batteries", yet other brands are able to do it without throttling. For example a samsung s23 with a bad battery will just not last long on a charge but won't throttle.
- They have raised prices significantly on all battery replacements.
- They won't replace a device battery that does not work great because their dumb software tells them it is over 80% capacity. Who's to say their software is accurate? I should be able to pay to replace my battery whenever I want.
- They feel the need to update the software every year and break it with tons of bugs yet the operating system always looks the same.
- They have not thoroughly overhauled the ios design for 11 years! "If it ain't broke don't fix it" doesn't hold true forever!
- They have gauged the tech community into feeling obliged to upgrade in that their tech is outdated.
- M1 ipad pros perform worse than their predecessors! They overheat and lag. I returned mine awhile back.
- The ipads have had the same battery life for almost 15 years, with no improvements whatsoever, although they get thinner and thinner every couple of years and less durable.
- The exact iphone 6s plus I owned (new) would have its speakers crackle and then everything would crash, right out of the box. (Not a widespread issue.) It also had large black spots as well as a white line on the top corners of the screen. That issue I had seen many complaints about online.
- Apple has zero cooling systems other than the horrible hot chassis on their mobile devices, iphones or ipads.
- For iphones prior to the 15 series, 500 charges before needing to replace the battery is not a lot by any means. Other manufacturers last more than double and as stated above also don't throttle after those cycles.
- They utilize software updates which worsen your battery life by around 5-10% every major os update, even if you choose to not use any of the new features.
- They allow ads in apps to forcibly open your appstore without your permission. (This is an android problem as well I read.)
2024.05.14 04:05 CRAWFORDx96 Xfinity Service Performed in my neighborhood on 5-10-24. Now MoCA does not work.
As the title says, on 5-10-24, Xfinity was in my neighborhood working on various poles with a planned outage for an upgrade. Before service was cut for the planned outage, I was running a MoCA adapter for my desktop PC since it's not possible to run an ethernet cable from my Xfinity Gateway to my computer, and the MoCA adapter was functioning fine. After the planned outage, my MoCA device doesn't function. For reference, I have a GoCoax WF-803M.
I made sure that MoCA was enabled in the Xfinity Gateway itself, and it was since I was already using MoCA before this planned outage. Whenever I log into the Gateway itself, it shows that MoCA has no devices connected, but it is enabled. I've tried disabling, restarting the Gateway, enabling, restarting the Gateway and nothing changes. I've disconnected the coax cable from the Gateway, unplugged the power and let it sit for one minute, then reconnected everything and nothing changed.
I have done three chats with online support and I don't really think any of them knew what I was talking about, even though I explained as best I could what my issue was. One told me my issue was because a cell phone was using too much cellular data, one told me my wifi was working fine and no issues were detected, and the third told me to restart my router and it would fix the issue, which it won't since I have restarted my router multiple times to no avail.
I figured I would post here since Reddit is pretty good about having people who know what they're talking about, especially with networking, but I still plan on stopping into my local Xfinity store to see if anyone knows anything about my issue.
Thanks in advance and I apologise if this is a bit jumbled, I'm not the greatest at explaining stuff sometimes lol
submitted by CRAWFORDx96 to Comcast_Xfinity [link] [comments]
I made sure that MoCA was enabled in the Xfinity Gateway itself, and it was since I was already using MoCA before this planned outage. Whenever I log into the Gateway itself, it shows that MoCA has no devices connected, but it is enabled. I've tried disabling, restarting the Gateway, enabling, restarting the Gateway and nothing changes. I've disconnected the coax cable from the Gateway, unplugged the power and let it sit for one minute, then reconnected everything and nothing changed.
I have done three chats with online support and I don't really think any of them knew what I was talking about, even though I explained as best I could what my issue was. One told me my issue was because a cell phone was using too much cellular data, one told me my wifi was working fine and no issues were detected, and the third told me to restart my router and it would fix the issue, which it won't since I have restarted my router multiple times to no avail.
I figured I would post here since Reddit is pretty good about having people who know what they're talking about, especially with networking, but I still plan on stopping into my local Xfinity store to see if anyone knows anything about my issue.
Thanks in advance and I apologise if this is a bit jumbled, I'm not the greatest at explaining stuff sometimes lol
2024.05.14 04:05 Dragonwizard177 Laptop GPU recommendations
Looking at picking up a laptop to be able to travel and work since I'm now fully remote. I have two rigs I use currently, one with a 4090 & the other with a 3090-ti, but both are unfortunately desktop PCs. I don't pretend to be an expert at computer specs, but I understand laptop GPUs are typically less impressive? What would be something that compares similarly to the 3090-ti levels of rendering? I can settle for a little less power as the majority of rendering for big projects will still happen on the other computers.
submitted by Dragonwizard177 to blender [link] [comments]