I have a healthy budget in my campaign. 5 different adsets, different pockets with different LLAs different countries.
It spent 63bks and got 10bks a customer which is amazing. This ad has a roas over almost 5.
Then another ad in the same adset 80 bks spend 9 bks a customer but instead of sending my budget to the winning ads it DUMPED my entire budget (2days in a row) to a losing ad.
This has happened on every single adset in the CBO. I only have 6 ads per adset, all are seasoned ads.
This happens every single time I use CBO. I’ve tried it so many times over the last 5 years and every time it does this.
So you might say turn off the losing ad right?
When I do that, within a day it stops spending eventually gets to 1-3bks a day in spend.
Instead of spending the money on the damnned winning ads!
I find it impossible to scale with ABO this is why I’ve been trying to make CBO work but the algorithm does not like to send my money to ads that are winning. It consistently spends on losing ads. Idk what to do I’m starting to think scaling with FB ads os not gonna happen for me.
I’m so frustrated.

Hi. Im hoping this is the right kind of post to make on this sub. I (28F) recently joined a CC and entered myself into the club championship. Im in a low class. My only opponents are other ladies who are in the 20-30HDCP range. My handicap is 25. Its match play, so since my opponent is of a similar handicap, Im less worried about my score and more focused on outperforming my opponent.
Well, I made it to the finals and have a chance to get 1st place in my class. This isnt the LPGA, so Im not losing sleep about this, but I love this game and I want to give it 100%. Im sure you can relate to this sentiment, which is why Im seeking advice from you internet strangers.
Here is my problem: my body is wrecked after so much golfing the past 3 weeks (practice + the previous match plays to get here) and its starting to affect my swing. I notice im overcompensating for my sore left hip by abusing my shoulders & not shifting weight properly. Its one thing for me to be able to identify the issue in my mind, but a whole other thing trying to get my body to follow it.
My next match is in 2 days. My last golf game was yesterday. I will be taking this time to rest and recover, and am even doing some stretching and mobility exercuses to recover faster. But does anyone here have some advice for how to approach my next match? This is less about nerves and more about how to manage myself physically and mentally so that I can still play as best as I can without injury. Right now all Im thinking is I'll just have to take it easy on my drives and pray to God my ball stays in play. And focusing on my short game & putting since these are least affected by my sore body.
I would appreciate any piece of advice you reddit degenerates have to offer 🙏

Hi guys, I've come here time to time for the past 7 or 8 months whenever I feel symptoms or anxious and I guess it's time I shared my story, as there could be some things I learned along the way that would be helpful for folks. I'm a 30 year old male. I took minoxidil for 5 years from the age of 25. Once that didn't seem to be working any more I tried to get oral minoxidil and my doctor told me to get on propecia instead. I told her I felt a little scared about that but she said I'd be fine. I've always had a good libido, maybe too good, like bordering on sex obsession.. so I figured if anything a little less libido might do me good. Soon after I started the propecia I got a concussion (mild) from a soccer ball, and that was after a weekend where I tripped on acid, so there were some things going on. I had also had pretty bad food poisoning some months ago that took forever to heal from with some lingering tummy problems. Anyway, I had weird symptoms after the concussion. I almost felt like, euphoric. It felt like my brain was just releasing all of its happy chemicals at once. Part of my euphoria was an absolute disinterest in sex, but I enjoyed that, I felt like I was attaining enlightenment or something. I was glowing and productive. After a week or so all of this went away and I went back to having normal sexual health and normal (bad) mental health and I didn't really think about it again. Fast forward 6 months. I quit my job because I am depressed about it and life in NYC is suffocating me, I want to travel the world before it burns down, in the interim I move back home to get my affairs sorted. I had to dye my hair for some short film, and I hated it, when I cut it my hair didn't look good, seemed I'd lost a lot more than I thought, and that made me sad so I was researching finasteride (does this stuff even work?) and then I accidentally found this community on reddit... and it freaked me out. I had a full blown panic attack reading these posts. Then I started thinking about things that had been happening in my life. Increased anxiety and depression. Chronic prostatitis. And the development of IBS, especially bad after drinking alcohol, which actually led me to give up drinking for a while. My sexual health was fine, but I think the anxiety from reading the reddit posts gave me some weird sexual side effects, not joking. That same day I started feeling an achey tingling in my balls, as if they were swelling up. I remember going on a walk with a girl I was seeing and I just felt so off and couldn't even enjoy walking because of the heaviness of my balls and I didn't want to sleep with her at all anymore. I immediately gave up both fin and min, kind of sad because I had just bought a years supply of the stuff from one of those new websites that makes it easy. So with all this happening, I had also been planing to ride my bicycle around the world. I left for India about a week after cutting the hair drugs and cutting alcohol. And then I'm in India. Without alcohol, my IBS pretty much completely healed. I was making very nice poos. The cycling irritated my prostate though. I started off by going over the Himalayas which involved a lot of climbing and therefore a lot of my groin pushing hard into a bike saddle. Still, I was able to pleasure myself in the tent successfully, which I only did to keep tabs on my progress of course. Things were looking up. Leaving work and NYC and America already did a 180 on all of my mental health issues, as did quitting alcohol. My memory improved. I was reading and writing and thinking clearly. I was a happy guy. After finishing the himalayas I had a few beers about it with some friends to celebrate. A few days later I got some cramps in my abdomen, and then the next day severe food poisoning. Both ends type. So bad. Had to keep going though. I kept cycling through the mountains. For two weeks I had diarrhea, and then that turned into regular old IBS again, like always running to the bathroom never knowing if I'll make it on time and the poop is this sludge like texture. It sucked. I was also sad about my hair, as it looked like I was losing all my gains. I bought a fin/min topical mixture and started using that while I was in a meditation retreat. I started having that weird euphoric feeling again, but I attributed it to the meditation, which was really life changing but no need to elaborate on that. I also started feeling prostatitis again (burning sensation tip of penis, feels like you want to pee). I had fixed the tilt on my bike saddle to eliminate prostate issues so it was weird that it was coming back again. I figured maybe coming from sitting in meditative posture all day. I guess I was in denial, but after about a month or so I figured it must be the finasteride so I gave it up again and switched to just minoxidil. But then, the minoxidil was making me feel weird too. I remember one time, the very same night I applied minoxidil it felt like my asshole was falling out, like I had a rectal prolapse, now I think it's hemorrhoids. I had the hemorrhoid feeling for a while. Keep in mind, my main issue at this time remains the IBS. I also had very low libido but honestly I rarely saw attractive women on my trip so who knows. So I kept cycling, I cycled all the way from the North in KashmiLadakh to Kerala, the south. My IBS never went away. I tried all sorts of things for my hair. I went to an ayurvedic place and they put leeches on my scalp which was hilarious. They also gave me this weird ayurvedic oil with no real instructions. I think that must have had some DHT blocker in it because it gave me the weird feelings too, especially the hemorrhoid feeling. I started drinking oregano oil and taking copious amounts of probiotics, which would always help for a couple days against the IBS but I think the heat of the Indian sun killed them off while they were in my saddle bags. Then I found this new chemical combo in South India, starring redensyl and backed up with procapil and anagain. I figured what the hell why not. It came with a dht blocker gummy vitamin but it was just green tea with biotin and zinc so whatever. I started feeling a lot better on that. One random week I started getting insane erections and it felt like my dick grew an inch. Can't really explain what was going on there. Prior to that the erections were meh and I would cum sometimes in a half-noodle like state which was very sad. Anyway, that didn't last forever. Once I got to the very south I decided I needed a full system reboot and went to another ayurvedic place and got something called a panchakarma. In panchakarma you go on a very restrictive diet and they massage all of your body toxins into your gut, they make you drink a ton of ghee to help do this, and then they purge you, so it all comes out of your butt, and then in my case I got 5 medicated enemas. It's a two week process, sometimes longer. I know it sounds crazy but it definitely makes you feel better. I was also doing yoga and meditating every day which was super helpful. After that my IBS went away. I had to keep to the diet for two weeks after: no sugar, caffeine, gluten, alcohol or meat. After the two weeks I dipped my toes back into all those things and my gut stayed solid. Crazy. I also felt good sexually. I started taking another hair serum, this one with redensyl, anagain, procapil, and pumpkin seed oil. Still felt great. I flew to Malaysia and started cycling there. In Malaysia I just started feeling better and better. No IBS, huge erections again. In fact, I became obsessed with sex again. And it was depressing. I actually started missing the days when I had no libido in India. I was really able to focus on other things. Sex is such a waste of mental energy. I could drink alcohol again. And so I did, and had no issues. Which was great but I also was kind of sad about it, am I just going to be a sex-obsessed booze hound again? Have I learned nothing? Anyway, the story continues. No one is bald in Malaysia so I had to order more of my chemicals to feed my hopeless hair serum addiction. I found a crazy one that was stacked with redensyl, anagain, procapil, baicapil, capixyl, biotin, aminexil, rice water, rosemary oil, and .... saw palmetto. The saw palmetto was maybe .3% so I figured it probably wouldn't have any effect, especially since I was fine with the pumpkin seed oil. Anyway, 10 days into that serum I got the tingly swelly feeling in my balls again and some prostatitis too! Oy, back to the start it would seem. I'm mainly just upset because I ordered 3 bottles of that stuff and had to pay taxes on the import because it came from India, and now I guess I have to throw it all out? Whatever. Anyway, you can call me an idiot, but by using my body as a guinea pig I believe I've uncovered some interesting info for everyone. Just as the early men who figured out which berries were poisonous, I serve humanity with my tragic misadventures. Still cycling, hoping to go around the world and find new ways to mess with my hormones and keep some of my hair. My advice from this, do something to fully cleanse your system, like the panchakarma. We've basically tampered too much with our settings and need to do a factory reset. You can do a lot of that stuff on your own, fasting, purging, enemas. It stimulates your body into healing itself. Hell, go to India. In India doctors actually listen to you and treat you holistically, and everything is cheap! You can get rifaximin for 2 dollars should you desire. You don't need to keep getting gaslit by expensive urologists and gastros in the states your whole life. Just do something crazy. You'll stay depressed if you linger on the internet for too long. And if you're stuck in a job/life you hate, take PFS as a sign and excuse to be selfish and get out of it, think of yourself as a terminally ill person that just wants to live life for the little time they have left. Obviously I still have no idea if any of what I've experienced is actually PFS or if it's maybe related to the original food poisoning or the concussion or maybe even Long Covid. No clue. But I do think a lot of my symptoms have been consistent with what you guys talk about. Either way, whatever it is, treat your body well and you may heal. I hope? I'm currently sitting on a swollen sack hoping that the PFS Gods will be merciful once more, but I know I don't deserve it. My desire to have hair still hasn't gone away, and I keep thinking maybe if I try just one more thing that'll be the thing that works. And that's what keeps pulling me back into this mess. But at the end of the day I can thank PFS for forcing me to make the big life changes that have made me a much happier person today, regardless of the state of my pelvic area.

My (24F) boyfriend (25M) have been dating for 8 months. He's my first ever relationship and first love; I've never had any experience with boys before him, having gone to an all-girls school. Although our relationship has been full of very happy memories and unforgettable experiences, it's also been challenging.
My lack of experience has impacted our relationship, as he struggles to deal with someone who doesn't initiate/lead. I've grown up in a culture that expects the man to take care of everything, so I'm still getting used to trying to initiate instead of going along with everything my boyfriend wants. My worries of scaring him away/disappointing also impact our relationship, as I usually just agree with his suggestions out of a fear of retaliation; in the past, he's said/done things that have made me scared to be myself around him/initiate (i.e. say he doesn't want to kiss me because I have no experience, doesn't like people of my financial background because of privilege, etc.). But I think the lack of bringing "myself" to the relationship has severely damaged our relationship, possibly to a point of no return even with my current efforts.
Furthermore, he's emotionally guarded and I find it very difficult to initiate deep intimate conversations. To me, having a deep emotional connection with my partner is of utmost importance, but at this point in time we only know superficial things about each other instead of our values/beliefs/history/etc. Earlier in our relationship, he expressed a frustration that we do not have an emotional bond; I agreed, and since then have tried to initiate more. However, his responses to my deep conversations always felt shallow and guarded, so at some point I stopped asking.
Recently within the past month, he began to grow increasingly distant where both physical and emotional intimacy stopped. Physical intimacy was frequent at the beginning before it completely stopped, and I have never felt so unwanted and undesired. We never hold hands, hug, kiss, or anything beyond sleeping in the same bed. I felt like a friend or roommate to him rather than a girlfriend, and every serious conversation we had in regards to the lack of romantic connection he chalked up to some excuse (i.e. me being a bad kisser, him waiting for the right time, him not an intimate person, etc.). Things never changed, and I held onto the hope it would but I grew increasingly insecure and unhappy, believing that the problem was me.
When I confronted him about his distance recently, he mentioned that he's unsure about us as a couple because he initially pursued me out of a strong desire for a relationship. I was "at the right time and right place", but he doesn't know if I'm the "right person". He told me that if I was the one, then maybe he would have an easier time opening up; he said he knows it was very selfish of him, considering how I was interested in him for who he was as a person before we dated. However he then proceeded to say that there is no such thing as the one, and that as long as we are both happy in the relationship we should keep dating. He said he can't lose me and is willing to compromise; he said he's been extremely happy with me, and that breaking up would make him so lonely. But everything he said shows me that he does not envision a long-term future with me, and that he's in this relationship because he simply does not want to be alone/is unsure of what he wants. I'm also hesitant because he's promised change in the past, but has not shown it through his actions; who's to say that this time will not be the same as the last times.
I'm beyond happy in this relationship, I've had some of the best experiences with my boyfriend. I would do anything for him, and through communication I'm learning how to express my care for him in ways he wants. I truly love him deeply, but I've been hurting especially after our last discussion. Everything that we talked about recently makes me question his intentions and whether or not he truly loves me for me. If he doesn't see a future with me, I don't understand why he continues to be in this relationship/claims he wants to work things out? I now feel like there's someone out there who's better for him, who will be able to initiate and grow a deep emotional/physical bond fastestronger than I can. However, I still love him and I want to make the relationship work.
I saw a future with him until he started growing distant, and if things change for the better I can still see a real future with him, getting married and having kids. I want to work things out, but I'm so worried the outcome will stay the same where words are promised but the actions never change. I'm so lost, I love him so much but knowing what I know now I don't know if I should give him another chance and work the relationship out or leave.
TLDR: BF is unsure about our relationship, and doesn't know if he sees a future with me. However, he still wants to make things work. Do I stay and work out our problems or leave?
Any and all advice is appreciated, thank you :)

24M and 5'10. Over the years I've gained and lost weight multiple times. About a year ago I weighed around 240lbs. Today I'm 192 at about 21% body fat. My target is what I once was several years ago at about 175-180lbs but it just seems really difficult losing this last portion. My diet hasn't really changed and I've been consistent over the past year. I'm working out 4-5 times a week and now implementing cardio a couple times since the weather is getting nicer. But I've just been plateaud at 190-194 for like the past 4 months now. I'm on creatine so that probably adds a couple pounds of water weight but still. I don't track my calories, I know... But I've lost close to 50lbs now without the need to. I still have a rough idea of how much I consume. My meals are usually breakfast, dinner and my protein shake after my gym workout. I try to stick to that as close as possible. Cutting more out of my diet just doesn't seem feasible as I already struggle with energy levels throughout the day and especially at the gym.
Does losing 50lbs really affect the BMR that much to the point where you just plateau?

Hi! I just want to clarify something about Tefferi's Protection, Here's the scenario: 2 player's remains on the Pod. Player A has 18 life hasn't received any commander damage has 2 creatures on the board. Player B has has a big board state of Dragons and his commander and decided to attack player A, in Response Player A casted Tefferi's protection spell has resolved, then Player B target his commander with a pump spell making it's power 22. Player B insists that player A will lose because of commander damage. while player A insist that there is no damage since it's prevented by tefferi's protection here's the part that I need clarification.
Tefferi's protection rules states: If a player has protection from everything, it means three things: 1) All damage that would be dealt to that player is prevented. 2) Auras can't be attached to that player. 3) That player can't be the target of spells or abilities. Nothing other than the specified events are prevented or illegal.
So basically since player A did not receive any combat damage there will be no commander damage, since their is no damage dealt because of the effect of tefferi's protection.
To bypass the rule: All damage that would be dealt to that player is prevented. There should be an effect like "Damage cannot be prevented" like the effects of Questing Beast.
Player B has no such effect on the board that's state that damage cannot be prevented, but Player B said that the commander damage would still be dealt base on this rules
Section 5.1 - Commander Damage 5.1.1 - Commander damage is the damage dealt by a single commander to a player by any of the following: - combat damage - damage effect
5.1.2 - damaged received from any single commander is dealt as separate entity from total life and is counted separately. Effects that prevent loss of life or damage does not apply to commander hit points. If a card refers to "comander damage" such will be the occasion in which commander damage will accrue.
5.1.3 - effects or layers that protect and prevent combat damage does not prevent combat damage does not prevent commander damage. the later, check the potential hit points the commander can do to a player.
Base on this? should player B win the game because of commander damage? or should player A has another turn to continue the game? Kindly enlightened our mid power pod.
Thank you!

I've been playing my first journeyman save in FM. Normally I pick a team and manage them to greatness, or, you know... give up and start a new save.
This year I wanted to try something new and it's been great! I started as a sunday league footballer with the most basic licence to be a manager and jumped into the job market.
First job was Dalkurd from a neighbouring city in Sweden. They were in the third tier of Swedish football, and I took them over as they hovered on the brink of relegation. First seson I stable the ship and get them to a top half finish. Second season we get promoted to the second tier.
First season in the second tier, after some good recruitment, and we're fighting for promotion. Last match of the year we need to win to secure promotion. We lose... but so do the second place team. Off to the top division we go.
During this entire time though, the board has adamantly refused to give me any new coaching badges. We're maintaining a decent position in the top division, but half way through the season it comes to a point, and I threaten to resign unless they can grant me funding to improve my coaching badges. It ends with me resigning and looking for a new job.
It takes a couple of weeks, but in July 2026, IL Hödd in the Norwegian third tier offer me a position. They have a lot more money than Dalkurd did, I'm guessing it's all down to the oil.
IL Hödd is in a decent league position, I think their old manager left them rather than them firing him. I spend a bit of their money and get them some good, younger players. I manage to win the third tier in my first season with them and get promoted in 2027.
I sign some good players in the winter transfer window and decide that maybe this will be a long term project. They've also granted me a few coaching licenses so all is going well.
Then, in the summer of 2028, Bristol City wants an interview.
Now, I've been trying to make "realistic" decisions so far, and Bristol City are offering a lot of money. Also, they are in the Championship so it's a big step up, and will let me get a foot in the English league. With a heavy heart, I accept.
The Bristol City squad is full of old players with an attitude, and it's a bit of a fight to get them out of the club to free up wages and money for a transfer budget, but in the end I win and start the rejuvenation process. The marquee signing though, is a loan of Lucas Bergvall from Manchester United.
I break the transfer spend record in my first summer transfer window, €14.5 million spent, but I get some quality players in who are in their early to mid 20's in, with potential to improve.
The club situation is helped in part by a decent FA cup run where we end up beating Everton away 1 - 0, and in January the transfer total is up to 21 million euros. It pays off though, and Bristol City secures a top spot promotion to the Premier League, led by player of the year Bergvall, goalkeeper of the year Alex Palmer, and manager of the year, yours truly.
The Premier League, 2029/2030, the hallowed lands. I strengthen the squad buying Alfie Dorrington, a promising English centerback from Tottenham for four million. I secure Bergvall on a permanent deal and pick up a French wonderkid midfielder called Emmanuel Lebreton for a total of €60 million euros, an insane amount of money compared to my previous transfer windows. The both end up carrying the team for me, well worth it.
The Premier league is a different beast. We struggle a lot this season, sometimes it looks like maybe we'll get relegated but finally we end up in a solid mid table finish after some tinkering with new tactics. The high point of the season though, is the Carabou Cup which we manage to win, in part thanks to some unlikely wins, along with a lucky draw. This means we qualify for our first European adventure.
2030/2031 - Europe
At the start of this season I find the two best players I have found so far in the save: It's spaniard Angel Cañedo and frenchman Nicolas Duboc. Together they form a fearsome partnership with Angel on the wing providing assists to Duboc who can't stop banging the goals in.
It's another rough season in the Premier league, but we're never in the relegation fight. We're solidly upper mid table at this point. The Conference League goes amazingly and we end up winning the whole thing without any real issues, beating Roma 8 - 2 on aggregate in the semis, and Real Hispalis 4 -1 in the final.
2031/2032 - Europa league
This is the season where the plan is to push for champions league. The squad is ready, and the youngsters have become more mature. A few signings bolster the holes in the squad, but then, right at the end of the transfer window, Bayern swoops in an pays the release clause for Angel Cañedo. 109 million euros. It's a bit of a blow, and I can't find a good enough replacement before the transfer window ends.
The season does go better though, we're starting to make a claim to the top four spots, and the Europa League is going well.
Then Atletico Madrid fires their manager and asks if I want to take over.
I've built something special with Bristol City, and honestly, both the money and the players I have are way beyond what Atletico can offer. But it's a big club and a tempting offer, and a chance to rebuild something of a sleeping giant.
With a heavy heart, I resign at Bristol City, wish them all the best, and join Atletico Madrid.
2031/2031 The Atletico Madrid retirement home.
Holy shit, what have they been up to? The star of the show is 32 year old Fèlix, the rest are around the same age but not as good. Chilwell and Jurien Timber are decent but getting up there in age. They have two decent young players, and a minimal transfer budget to start the cleanup operation.
The new manager bounce is real, and I get them from 12th to 4th in relative short order. Barcelona seem untouchable, as well as Real Madrid, but the rest of the league is there for the taking.
They are in the champions league as well, and it goes alright and we qualify from the group in spite of a few losses from before I took over.
But then things fall apart. We lose at home to Benfica, 0-3 in the first knockout leg. We lose five games straight in the league. I try different tactics but nothing works and it's starting to look bleak. Morale is plummeting, then finally I stumble on a recipe that works and manage to claw my way back to the Champions League spots just in time for the season to end.
Now it's the first summer transfer window after I took over, and I am looking forward to rejuvenating the squad and see how long it will take until I can challenge Barcelona and Real Madrid for the title. I got rid of 35 year old chilwell and replaced him with an argentinian wonderkid from Leeds who had a relegation release clause. I sold Jurrien Timber to saudi arabia for 62 million (fans were very upset). I wish I could get rid of Félix but I expect the fans would have my head for that.
It's starting to look alright for the next season. The rebuild has started, and I expect I will stay at Atletico for quite a while.

My (24F) boyfriend (25M) have been dating for 8 months. He's my first ever relationship and first love; I've never had any experience with boys before him, having gone to an all-girls school. Although our relationship has been full of very happy memories and unforgettable experiences, it's also been challenging.
My lack of experience has impacted our relationship, as he struggles to deal with someone who doesn't initiate/lead. I've grown up in a culture that expects the man to take care of everything, so I'm still getting used to trying to initiate instead of going along with everything my boyfriend wants. My worries of scaring him away/disappointing also impact our relationship, as I usually just agree with his suggestions out of a fear of retaliation; in the past, he's said/done things that have made me scared to be myself around him/initiate (i.e. say he doesn't want to kiss me because I have no experience, doesn't like people of my financial background because of privilege, etc.). But I think the lack of bringing "myself" to the relationship has severely damaged our relationship, possibly to a point of no return even with my current efforts.
Furthermore, he's emotionally guarded and I find it very difficult to initiate deep intimate conversations. To me, having a deep emotional connection with my partner is of utmost importance, but at this point in time we only know superficial things about each other instead of our values/beliefs/history/etc. Earlier in our relationship, he expressed a frustration that we do not have an emotional bond; I agreed, and since then have tried to initiate more. However, his responses to my deep conversations always felt shallow and guarded, so at some point I stopped asking.
Recently within the past month, he began to grow increasingly distant where both physical and emotional intimacy stopped. Physical intimacy was frequent at the beginning before it completely stopped, and I have never felt so unwanted and undesired. We never hold hands, hug, kiss, or anything beyond sleeping in the same bed. I felt like a friend or roommate to him rather than a girlfriend, and every serious conversation we had in regards to the lack of romantic connection he chalked up to some excuse (i.e. me being a bad kisser, him waiting for the right time, him not an intimate person, etc.). Things never changed, and I held onto the hope it would but I grew increasingly insecure and unhappy, believing that the problem was me.
When I confronted him about his distance recently, he mentioned that he's unsure about us as a couple because he initially pursued me out of a strong desire for a relationship. I was "at the right time and right place", but he doesn't know if I'm the "right person". He told me that if I was the one, then maybe he would have an easier time opening up; he said he knows it was very selfish of him, considering how I was interested in him for who he was as a person before we dated. However he then proceeded to say that there is no such thing as the one, and that as long as we are both happy in the relationship we should keep dating. He said he can't lose me and is willing to compromise; he said he's been extremely happy with me, and that breaking up would make him so lonely. But everything he said shows me that he does not envision a long-term future with me, and that he's in this relationship because he simply does not want to be alone/is unsure of what he wants. I'm also hesitant because he's promised change in the past, but has not shown it through his actions; who's to say that this time will not be the same as the last times.
I'm beyond happy in this relationship, I've had some of the best experiences with my boyfriend. I would do anything for him, and through communication I'm learning how to express my care for him in ways he wants. I truly love him deeply, but I've been hurting especially after our last discussion. Everything that we talked about recently makes me question his intentions and whether or not he truly loves me for me. If he doesn't see a future with me, I don't understand why he continues to be in this relationship/claims he wants to work things out? I now feel like there's someone out there who's better for him, who will be able to initiate and grow a deep emotional/physical bond fastestronger than I can. However, I still love him and I want to make the relationship work.
I saw a future with him until he started growing distant, and if things change for the better I can still see a real future with him, getting married and having kids. I want to work things out, but I'm so worried the outcome will stay the same where words are promised but the actions never change. I'm so lost, I love him so much but knowing what I know now I don't know if I should give him another chance and work the relationship out or leave.
TLDR: BF is unsure about our relationship, and doesn't know if he sees a future with me. However, he still wants to make things work. Do I stay and work out our problems or leave?
Any and all advice is appreciated, thank you :)

In short- My job isn’t hard but my manager is making it difficult.
Firstly, I came from a high-stress high-demand underpaid Finance job, to a workplace where expectations are clearly outlined, people aren’t expected to work late and I am paid more money. Perfect.
We are a team of women (wonderful) but sometimes I feel we make things way more difficult than it should be.
When I started I had a lot of knowledge about our industry and when I shared this knowledge with the team, my manager undermined me and said I was wrong. I also have knowledge about some of our clients and their internal structure- she also said I was wrong about a company I used to work for. I worked in finance then and was part of a huge restructure.
I am used to submitting holiday, and it being rejected or approved. My new manager will talk at the beginning of each meeting about holiday, what she has to move around to get it approved, and wants to chat about what I am doing with my holiday. It feels like we are causing her stress when we submit leave and the discussions go on for weeks sometimes.
We had a team meeting a few weeks ago where the whole team listened to us talk about my holiday and how she was going to move shifts to get it approved. I find it super unprofessional as it’s not up to me to advise her what shifts to move about etc. I’ve noticed she does not do this with my colleagues.
She has mentioned my colleague’s weight loss goals in our 121’s. She told our entire team my partner was going to propose to me in a quarterly teams call (called it out in front of everybody) when I never said he was. I said I he was ‘popping to the shop’ when we were signing off for the day. She assumed ‘pop’ meant ‘pop the question’ since it was near Christmas?
In our 1-2-1’s she always says ‘I don’t want you getting overwhelmed’. I have never said I am overwhelmed and she mentioned last week that she used this wording in relation to me, TO HER MANAGER, which I am upset about. I asked if she has any concerns with my work, and she doesn’t. She has mentioned many times that she is overwhelmed and seems to be projecting this on to me.
I am not responding well to her overly-emotional approach to management at all. I have noticed other people in my team get treated differently because they are closer with their families. For example I worked over Christmas last year and said I would prefer to be off this year. She said ‘x person’ and ‘x person’ needs to see their family. I feel like I’m now I’m competition with my co-workers to make the most compelling case to have time off in December!
I have also realised today that she has lied to me and my colleagues have more access in the system than I do. I asked for access to something and I have been told it’s only available to a certain level of employee, which is not true. I would prefer if she just said ‘you can’t have access’ as I’m not bothered but I would prefer not to be lied to!
We are also alone together 1 day a week and I’ve noticed there will only be a period of 1 hour where she makes herself available. She does give great support when we are touching base but does talk more than necessary and often confuses matters. If I correct her she doesn’t listen and will carry on down the same path. I’ve also noticed she interrupts and won’t stop talking until the other person has stopped.
I have never raised a grievance at work and I don’t feel the above is reason enough to speak to her manager. However, I don’t feel this person is the right person to be representing my best interests to upper management and it is now getting me down. Should I just leave?

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Hello
25F, 130lbs, 5’10”, no tobacco, MMJ user, hydrocodone and oxyxodone as needed, cyclobenzaprine, protonix
If you read this thank you so much because I’m absolutely desperate and my doctors are tired of me and I think they think I only want pain meds. I don’t, I just want to feel better. I have a huge stash of emergency oxycodone anyway so I barely even need them for that.
On 12/15 I fell down the stairs and hit the lower of my middle back quite hard. 12/19 I had a LEEP done, 01/06 I came down with extreme urinary issues and between then and now have been back 6 times, seen 4 specialists and have seen my PCP at least ten times for urine samples. I’ve also only been able to attend my full time job for 43 days so far this year and have no more money for copays and if it weren’t for my ADA paperwork, I’d have been fired a long time ago
Over the last two weeks, it’s been taking me up to two hours to produce urine while having a full (and very sore - mostly left side) bladder. This is infuriating. When I do end up finally feeling the need to release, I have less than 3 minutes to get to a restroom before my vision starts going spotty from the bladder pressure pain.
My urologist ordered a cystoscopy, but has been blaming my 3mm kidney stone until I begged for an ultrasound last month of my bladder. Found bladder wall thickening and bladder cyst / possible urachal remnant.
I found out what Cuada equina is today. I learned that it is very very commonly missed. I can barely walk, and at the music festival I went to over the weekend I had to use ADA for just about everything. I look completely normal so I got judged pretty hard, but I do have paperwork. I have been losing weight without much diet change and my back has been killing me as well. I feel so weak. My urine flow is so small compared to what it used to be. I had a period of time where the pain was so bad, I couldn’t feel my clitoris or labia at all so sex was pointless as well, and I thought I’d lose my relationship and be alone forever. They send me to an OB-Oncologist who said not to come back, which is why my urologist finally agreed to check my bladder.
Is it possible that all my issues are related to the cyst and thickening, or could this be cuada equina that was missed on multiple CT’s? I can’t find info on bladder cysts. using retention. When is the appropriate time to go to the hospital? I can barely walk without pain meds. I urinated about 40 times on Saturday, with my usual being 10-20 times, and some days there’s very little pain or urgency at all, but the retention is almost always there to some extent.
It almost feels like the part of my brain that controls my bladder doesn’t work anymore because no matter how hard I tell my bladder to release, it just doesn’t happen sometimes and I can’t get comfortable after that. I’ve slept a total of 4 hours since Saturday morning and I only have one hydrocodone left. Pyridium does NOTHING except for when burning pain presents, and I can’t take NSAIDS until my GI clears me due to extreme gas, constipation and bloating / belching thought to be caused by peptic ulcers. I can’t walk at this point without pain meds, but the ER always releases me with the same DX of cyst and bladder wall thickening and tells me they have no clue what that means. But I’m in so much pain I feel like there has to be something they can do other than give me fluids and monitor me for an hour or two until I can get to my cystoscopy next week.
If you have any advice for me I really appreciate it. I don’t want to die but I feel the only way out of lifelong urinary pain after 6 months now is suicide. The only time suicide doesn’t cross my mind a couple times is when I do end up having to take a pain pill. In March, I had to take oxy every day. I only take them now when I can’t walk because the effects are too strong for me to keep my life in order while taking them every day. But this weekend I have had the most trouble walking, and using the restroom, since all of these issues began.
I can’t afford any more specialists visits after my procedure, so I really wish the ER could do something for me as they’re the only ones who won’t turn me away for not having money at this point. My GI doc actually canceled my appointment because I don’t have $20 and I’ve been putting off another ultrasound because it’s $200 up front. IDK what to do but I’m pretty sure this is how a lot of people end up on fent and heroin - if I had been denied pain meds this far I would have turned to the streets, and that’s coming from someone who has chosen - on their own - to quit most drug related and extracurricular activities to better their life at a young age and is much happier for it.
I can’t even get the ER to catheterize me when I can’t urinate for 6+ hours at a time. What gives? Why won’t they run a different imaging test? They wouldn’t even give me a breath test for h pylori recently and now I’m waiting a month for an appointment I can’t even afford.
TL;DR extreme bladder pain, nobody understands why, extreme difficulty urinating, ER can’t do anything for me and awaiting surgery. Is there anything I can say or do to get proper medical attention or can the ER really not touch your bladder like they say? Is there a way I can convince them to admit me so I could see a urologist before my procedure? My urologist is unavailable until my follow-up and I don’t think the company they work for allows them to Rx narcotics and I’m against taking more than 1 oxycodone a week at this point but so far have been unsuccessful in getting something weaker like hydro or tramadol.

I am contemplating going on Lexapro. I struggle with anxiety and depression like a lot of people but it’s not like I can’t get out of bed to go through the motions of my life, I just find it really hard at times but I always manage to just keep going.
My biggest concern is these intrusive thoughts that I have. I have the most irrational thoughts enter my mind and they just swirl around and around in my brain tormenting me to a point where I just can’t stand it.
For example, the other day I spent several hundred dollars on some new business shirts, I tried them on at the store and felt that they fit like a glove and I loved them and I bought four of them. Then today my first day wearing one of them to work, I got it in to my head that maybe the shirt was too big (even though it looks like it fits me perfectly in the mirror and feels like it fits perfectly) however I didn’t try on the smaller size at the store so how can I be sure that I bought the right size without ruling out the smaller size??? I spent the whole day obsessing over this even though the rational side of me thinks I bought the right size however I won’t be able to get this thought out of my head without going back to the store to try on the smaller size just to rule out that it is definitely too small and I bought the correct size in the first place.
It doesn’t help talking to anyone about these thoughts because all they do is point out how irrational it is which I am fully self aware of however that doesn’t stop how much these thoughts bother me. I have so many good things in my life that I should be grateful for but I always to find some stupid new irrational issue to obsess over. I holds me back socially as I don’t like letting friends, family etc. get close to me because I don’t want them to see what a lunatic I am. I just want the noise in my head to quiet down so I can just be a normal person. I am scared however of side effects, weight gain, erectile issues, the possibility that Lexapro could make things worse and then the painful process of trying to get off them.
Does anyone have a like experience that they could share? I’d appreciate any honest opinions. Thank you

Ive been dealing with restrictive anorexia for the last 8 months. At first, i didn’t at all care for the numbers. As time went on, i became more and more obsessed with calorie counting. Currently my Bmi is 16 and it’s starting to worry me. I take supplements and stopped exercising, but i get dizzy when i stand up, my joints hurt, muscle cramps, side cramping, brain fog, headache, and I’ve been really constipated. Most of it has been normal to me, but starting yesterday, I’ve been rapidy losing weight and feeling worse than usual. I lost 4lbs in less than a week. I lost 2lbs just from today. Ive been making an effort to eat, but still too scared to ask for help or eat more than my limit. But im starting to get worried because i barely started looking into the physical effects of anorexia and now im scared my bodys too weak to function. At what point does ur body just give out? Considering how long ive been restricting, im worried that what im experiencing means my bodys shutting down. Are there specific symptoms? Please help Im too scared to go to the hospital for it.

After watching a good and thoughtful film, I enjoy doing some reading, thinking, and writing about it. The 1998 film The Truman Show (directed by Peter Weir) is the kind of film that I found myself watching twice in succession, and I've watched it several times since, because it is so intriguing. But is it a spiritual allegory, or is it just a good story, or perhaps something else?
This movie narrates the life of Truman Banks (Jim Carrey), who is unaware that his entire life on the island of Seahaven is completely constructed by a TV crew, and is part of a constantly running reality television program called The Truman Show, watched by millions 24/7 world-wide. But when Truman comes to realize that something is strange about his world, he makes plans to escape his artificially manipulated universe.
The premise is a clever one, and the film succeeds on the level of story alone. But what's particularly of interest to me are the profound philosophical and religious questions that the movie seems to ask. It raises age-old philosophical questions common in the field of epistemology, concerning what we can know about reality e.g. could I be deceived about what my senses and experiences are telling me about reality? But it also appears to explore many deep religious questions by means of allusions to Christian themes. Consider how the TV producer Christof (= Christ of) is the "creator" of Truman (= True Man), and functions as a god who controls his world.
This symbolism seems too strong to ignore. As a result there is considerable debate about the worldview behind the film, and whether it is intended to portray an atheistic or Christian worldview. I've found that reviewers who pick up on the Christian symbolism typically fall into one of two camps which come to opposite conclusions about the point of the film:

1. Those who see it as a secular film, by portraying the Christian God as a cruel and harsh dictator who operates a deterministic universe from which we need to escape by rejecting God. According to this view, Truman's liberation is a depiction of the Fall, and promotes an atheistic lifestyle of rebellion against the Creator and an escape from Eden. Others have tried to be more charitable by interpreting it in line with Calvinistic theology, suggesting that the film depicts the tragedy rather than the triumph of sin, but this is implausible in view of how the Creator is portrayed negatively and how the final liberation is presented so positively.
2. Those who see it as a criticism of secularism, by suggesting that Satan creates an artificial world for us, from which we need to escape by converting to the truth. According to this view, Truman's liberation promotes the need to escape the deception of Satan (the anti-Christ), and exchange it for a life lived in service to the true God. Some have even seen it as giving a positive message about Christianity, for if Seahaven represents an illusionary man-made Paradise, then Truman's decision to leave this old world behind is symbolic of a conversion experience, and he represents a Christ-like figure who models the way of salvation.

The first view interprets The Truman Show as a story of the Fall, where Christoff symbolizes the true God, and Sylvia (who encourages Truman to escape his "world") is a serpent-tempter figure that brings rebellion. The second view interprets The Truman Show as a story of Redemption, where Christoff symbolizes an anti-Christ, and Sylvia is an intercessor that brings freedom in contrast to the Judas figure Marlon. Proponents of both views have engaged in considerable debate over these two interpretations, the former which sees the Truman Show as a secular existentialist film, the latter which sees it as a pro-Christian film.
Certainly the rich symbolism in the film lends itself to an interpretation which gives the Christological imagery throughout the film a more important meaning than mere allusion. But neither of the above explanations is entirely satisfactory or consistent. Because how can Truman be a rebel who rejects God, and at the same time a Christ-like figure (he is depicted as crucified in the boat, and at the end walks on water and ascends into a stairway of heaven)? And how can Christoff be representative of a deterministic creator, and at the same time an anti-Christ? A consistent allegorical interpretation fails in its application, and should already be a hint that one is not intended.
Personally I think that the best solution is one which is neither overly critical nor overly charitable with respect to the Biblical imagery. Instead it is better to see the imagery as subordinate to other themes about the media and television.
Director Peter Weir has gone on record in more than one interview that the film is about television. Weir is of this conviction: "My attitude to television, personally, is too much of it is a bad thing." According to Weir: "And that's really at the heart of what the film looks at in a major way - this disturbance to our perception of reality, as a result of the immense entertainment and actuality coming at us, to the point where you can't differentiate anymore. News programs that are entertaining; video everywhere." Given Weir's remarks, I believe that the Truman Show is essentially a sharp criticism of the dangers of a false reality cultivated by the media, and a warning against losing our sense of reality.
Clearly Weir has chosen to portray the director Christoff as a creator figure very deliberately. But he does not use this image to push a religious agenda, but to give a social commentary about problems created by the modern media, which blurs the lines between appearance and reality.
In that regard, his analysis of television speaks to our time: to what extent is our perception of the world the result of manipulation by the media? And do we need to be liberated from the artificial reality of a TV world and return to the real world? I see this explanation as more plausible than one which sees the film as a simple spiritual allegory, or which interprets it as an indictment on reality television. It's also worth noting that the release of the movie predates much of the contemporary fascination with reality TV shows.
In short, I don't think the Truman Show is defending an atheist worldview or a Christian one. Instead it is merely employing Biblical themes and allusions as servants to its real theme and social commentary about the media and television. It has to be conceded that both Christoff's and Truman's characters have clear Christological symbolism. But the film is ambiguous about which of the two is to be identified as the Christ figure simply because it doesn't want us making a choice between them. Although the religious symbolism is too strong to ignore, in the end it is subordinate to the more central theme about the role of television and media in our culture, and is a means to an end rather than an end in itself.
So in my view, it's a mistake to see the film either as an attack on Christianity, or as a tool for Christian evangelism. That's not to say that the film doesn't raise interesting parallels on a religious levels, because it can spark interesting discussions about how a creator might watch over humanity, or how a Satan figure might deceive.
Ironically, the Truman Show has created its own deception: while appearances suggest it is a spiritual allegory, a closer look reveals that this perception is merely an illusion. It's first and foremost just a good story. But at the same time it is using spiritual imagery to raise important questions about the use of TV and the media.

Long rant ahead
I joined this sub to feel more comfortable in my own body. I’m 5’1 and 22 and have struggled with ED for more than half my life, with my weight fluctuating between extremities. I thought I would find similar stories with people of similar stature. The posts here are so absurd and reek of “look at me”, “you can be this dangerously thin too just starve yourself but dw it’s not starvation because we’re under 5’4”. You lot are grown women asking demented Qs about body fat, calories and workouts. 1200 is not healthy- only my anorexia ridden self thought otherwise. Please evaluate your life if you think posting transformation pictures achieved through dangerously low calorie intake is anywhere near inspiring or worthy of being posted on public platforms with teenagers and literal children. This is not 2013 thinspo tumblr. Genuinely mad at myself for thinking I would find realistic advise on workout clothes that fit, sustainable diets that stick long term, shared experiences of being sexualised as petite women, effective workout splits for busy lifestyles. No lmfao here we have absurd exhibits of “ please help me starve so I can look good on my vacation in 2 weeks because the world will end if my arms jiggle “ or the “ look at this pic and tell me my body fat % because idk how to use google” or the god awful “weight lifting make me bulky help me lose all definition and switch to Pilates 😰”. I used to come to this sub as motivation to starve myself when I was severely ill. That is what this has become. ED thinspo. There is more to life than being the smallest version of yourselves and gathering an audience to divulge in your illness with you. I am guilty of this as well given my only posts here from last year are sharing how ill I was. For anyone looking for genuine fitness advice that isn’t about how to get rid of your bones and skin, I’d recommend following women who lift weights on YouTube/instagram. Their videos on healthy eating and movement is the only thing that’s gotten me into looking beyond numbers that most of you are so paralysed by on here. And fun fact- you can reach your goal weight and still hate yourself because what you envisioned isn’t what you got. How much lower will that number in your head go then? I wish most of you common sense.

Intro

It’s not much of a stretch to say that violence is the primary form of interaction in video games. With a handful of exceptions, most video games involve guys whacking other guys, with varying degrees of brutality. Even chill games fall into this - Stardew Valley has sections with combat in them! Considering the pervasiveness of violence in video games, there has been a ton of amateur and academic commentary on the topic. However, while this is a well-established school of thought, I haven’t seen people try to apply this to Fire Emblem specifically.
So, let’s do that now! In this post, I’ll be exploring how violence in Fire Emblem is implemented - what limitations are placed on violence, how it warps wider game and narrative design, and what it implicitly says and does not say. I hope this post doesn’t come off as too early-2010s “makes you think”-y, but I do think there are multiple interesting things worth talking about here!
Despite the length of this post, "a brief discussion" is an appropriate title, as we won't be able to go into depth on everything. After all, video games are holistic works, so the attitude towards violence is relevant to every aspect of their design. However, I have managed to wrangle some of these threads into the following structure: first a discussion on the fundamental mode of interaction in Fire Emblem, then how stories are constructed with regards to violence, and ending with the aesthetics of violence and how they relate to characters. Also, as FE is a huge series, be aware that I am gonna be making some broad statements which may not apply to each individual plot point of every game. I actually planned to write 3 case studies around Thracia 776, Fates, and Three Houses (which have the most interesting attitudes to violence in the series IMO) which point out these deviations, but this post is way too long and full of tangents already. If people are interested, I’ll make a followup to this post which goes into them in more detail. Also also, because of the nature of this post, I’ll actually give a useful TL;DR for once:
TL;DR: Nintendo games must be fun mechanically, and they can’t be too uncomfortable narratively. If you try to provide a counterpoint by saying “oh this Kirby final boss is super dark it eats 100 morbillion galaxies”, you do not deserve rights. IntSys has to keep to this as a 2nd party publisher, but they also have to deal with the fact that their games are at least nominally about ‘war’ (or at least they put their toes into that particular thematic pool). This conflict between making a fun video game for children/teens and the wider framing of the narrative leads to interesting narrative and aesthetic tensions. also fun is cringe, misery is based

“Do you like hurting other people?” (or The Fundamental Mode of Interaction)

OK LISTEN I KNOW I LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT I DIDN’T WANT TO COME ACROSS AS A EARLY 2010s “VIOLENCE IN VIDYA BAD :O????” PERSON BUT I SWEAR I’M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS
The best place to start when talking about violence in video games is to think about the primary form of interaction in said game. In the case of Fire Emblem, this is in the in-chapter gameplay. Sure, in objective terms the player moves arbitrary objects across a 2D grid which perform subtraction on arbitrary objects controlled by the computer, but this is always framed as controlling a squad of soldiers to engage in (typically lethal) combat with enemies (who are normally also soldiers). When you’re not doing this in-chapter gameplay, you are preparing for the next chapter of combat. This involves surveying the area of combat, preparing weapon loadouts, etc, however more recent entries also include light life-sim-esque elements. To summarize, Fire Emblem’s interactivity involves ordering violence as well as the preparations to order said violence.
For players, this strategic thinking is extremely fun and is the primary draw of the series! You have all these tier lists of who’s better at killing, discussion of the maps where you do the killing, complaints about the length of gameplay sections where you don’t do killing, etc. This is by design, as while I don’t know the core brand tenets of Nintendo, I imagine the Reggie quote “If it isn’t fun, why bother?” is carved into a solid gold statue of Mario in the office lobby. This then is enforced on all associated studios, including IntSys and so Fire Emblem. While I would disagree with that Reggie quote (especially the bit where he says “If it’s not a battle, where’s the fun?” which is a wild statement to make about an entire medium), this approach to making games is ultimately fine, and so IntSys tailored the strategic gameplay to be satisfying to your dopamine receptors. You could analyse what the normalisation of violence even in ‘just for fun’ games says about wider gaming culture, but I won’t get into that here. In any case, let’s dig into a few specifics of FE’s interactivity.
One thing that’s interesting with regard to strategy games is the detached perspective of the player. You order units and observe the resulting violence, but it’s not tactile, you don’t directly swing the sword or shoot the bow or cast the spell like with action games. This adds a layer of separation between the player and what fundamentally happens, at least within the framing that the game provides. It’s not like Call of Duty, where your relationship to the violence is very visceral, where you view everything down the barrel of a gun. OK, I probably shouldn’t use a series that I have very little personal experience with (I only listen to the supplementary lore material, so let’s talk about Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. While you’re not directly in the driver’s seat, John Sekiro reacts to your every input with extreme responsiveness, so overcoming the game’s challenges i.e. stabbing people is incredibly visceral and satisfying. While this violence is fantastical in nature, there is sufficient blood and explicit sword-action to clearly say “oh yeah you are violently killing all of those bozos with a katana”. Coming back to FE, not only are you far more detached from the violence, it is presented in an extremely cartoony manner… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, we’ll get to the aesthetics later. Point is, Fire Emblem gives the viewpoint of a stoic commander, who Does What Needs To Be Done™, and not the viewpoint of an actual soldier who has to do the actual killing.
Now let’s view the player’s perspective on violence from a different angle. Fire Emblem intends for its combat to be relatively relaxed on the player side of things - the turn-based nature allows the player to calmly think through all of their moves, and you typically have perfect information on the enemies. The only exceptions to this are Fog of WaSame Turn Reinforcements, which are rare and typically unpopular amongst the fanbase. This leans into ‘combat as sport’, where (going back to the Reggie quote) you have a fun time picking apart a puzzle with the tools you have, and we all collectively enjoy this! This is a valid way of designing strategy games, and I like what IntSys has done. However, it’s not the only way of making these games - for example, in Total War you have to juggle all your battalions in real time whilst the enemy is bearing down on you, and the XCOM games always have Fog of War and limited information on the enemies, with you never knowing what kind of awful new monster is going to suddenly charge at you. Don’t get me wrong, neither of these follow ‘combat as war’, the principle that violence should properly mimic the stress, tension and unfairness of actual conflict. Hell, neither of them are particularly mature either - Total War is the strategy game equivalent of smashing action figures together, and XCOM emulates a pulp sci-fi alien invasion story. However, the additional pressures these games have make them hew slightly closer to actual conflict, putting you more in that mindset in a way that the clean fun Fire Emblem doesn’t really do. Again, I want to say FE’s approach to violence in in-map gameplay is fine, but when all three of these franchises have an explicit narrative framing of ‘warfare’, it does make Fire Emblem’s narrative a little more… stretched.
Finally, I want to briefly mention the maps. To steal from a brilliant Jacob Geller video, these are Worlds Designed For Violence. At least outside of the Kaga games, the maps you fight on are primarily designed around how the player interacts with them, i.e. fights on them. While I imagine the narrative designers and artists at IntSys are involved throughout the map design process, the gameplay flow probably takes precedence most of the time. Maps are not designed to resemble realistic places that you have to fight through, they are instead designed primarily to provide fun gameplay experiences before being dressed up by the artists to look realistic/fit the specific story beat. This is a more consistently entertaining approach to map design - heaven knows we have a lot of Kaga castle assault maps which are as fun as actually assaulting an entrenched position IRL - but this lack of friction could potentially take the bite out of the intended vibe, neuter any commentary on violence throughout the story.
You may have noticed that we’ve only talked about the “in-map” gameplay for now, when there’s an entire second half of these games, i.e. all the gameplay between the maps. Don’t worry, we’ll get to all of that, but this may fit better in:

Something something “ludonarrative” something something (or Narrative Implications)

(To clarify, here I’m going to talk about the wider plots and narrative structure as opposed to characterisation, as that fits more into the aesthetics of the series)
It’s not bold to say that the narratives of games have to warp around the core gameplay structure. Especially in AAA video game production, the narrative designers usually have to take a back seat to the systems and level designers, at least outside of the initial rough outline they provide in the original game pitch. In this case, the job of the writer is to form vaguely coherent connective tissue between individual levels, setpieces and expensive pre-rendered cutscenes. This must be a very difficult job, and is probably the reason why most video game stories are the way they are. I am not privy to IntSys internal meetings, but I imagine they abide by this paradigm, trying to give a reason for why you fight 20 battles which roughly align with plot beats that were decided years ago.
Put another way, the writers of Fire Emblem must contrive a reason why the characters fight a vast number of violent battles in a strategic manner. This has a pretty easy solution - war! We have found something it’s good for, as whenever the gameplay designers decide that an extra map is required, the writers can just insert “oh no there’s a blockade of enemy soldiers in the way, guess you gotta kill them all”. This is the case for almost all the games and is a fair enough narrative choice, as it’s frankly one of the few scenarios where you could reasonably contrive so many battles, but it’s worth examining this in a bit more detail.
Even in the framing of warfare, there are still a lot of skirmishes, which sometimes the narrative or tone fails to support - or at least, their presence means that violence isn’t taken that seriously. Let’s take an example from early in Awakening: Emmeryn sends the Shepherds to negotiate an alliance with Regna Ferox. On the way, they are ambushed by Risen on the Northroad (1), have to fight the border guards who think Chrom is a bandit I think??? (2), and then after arriving they need to take part in Regna Ferox’s ritual combat to secure their alliance (3). These beats aren’t necessarily bad, and I actually think Awakening uses these opportunities quite well: the Risen are established as a constant threat to the world (except not really in the main story but that’s a whole other thing), “Marth'' gets more development, we set up Regna Ferox as fighty people who like to fight, and while the middle encounter is very tenuous it does set up a funny joke in Cynthia’s paralogue. However, I want to communicate that if the map/encounter designers need X maps between plot points A and B - in this case, needing low-stakes trials in the tutorial period - then there’s gonna be a fair bit of narrative filler. That is to say, there must be multiple combat encounters that kinda just happen, which makes violence a lot more casual in the narrative. See also the myriad examples of “oh shit random bandits attack!”, used to have a lower stakes map, with bandits appearing and vanishing as needed. This works fine enough in the context of ‘combat as sport’, allowing your favourite scrunglo to build up a triple-digit body count, but this casual attitude circumvents potentially interesting ideas with regards violence. Taking the example further, banditry and its causes are never seriously explored, as bandits are just treated as a filler enemy (except in Based As Hell Thracia 776).
Another narrative consequence of needing so many fights is that… you need to fight. That is to say, any anti-war sentiment or appeal to diplomacy in the series is fundamentally undercut by a) strategic combat being a core appeal of the series and b) narrative beats needing to be structured around fighting enemies. It’s a struggle to have moments of diplomacy and reconciliation when you had a fight within 3 minutes of said moment, lest some people start screaming that things are getting boring. This also makes any appeals to pacifism kinda moot. Xander’s quote about “war bad” in Conquest is utter bullshit, as a huge part of the marketing around that route focuses on the coolness of the tactical combat and its challenge. Eirika and Ephraim can never be equal, because Ephraim’s “fighting is fucken awesome” is encouraged by the gameplay, and Eirika can NEVER save 11037 because we need a final boss and no-one else fits the bill.
Speaking of, in video games it’s best practice to have a big bad guy you fight at the end of the story, the toughest mechanical challenge coinciding with the narrative climax. In Fire Emblem, you have one grand final battle which decides the fate of the war and/or world, before cutting to a brief wrap-up and then credits. This is an attempt to make these games satisfying, which is fine, but this is at odds with an anti-war message (which FE often gestures towards) - that is, actual wars tend to be deeply unsatisfying in a narrative sense! Oftentimes, after a decisive battle, things just kinda keep going for a little while afterwards with casualties continuing to pile up until peace terms are agreed. In the few cases where there is a final battle, it’s more of a formality as the decisive moment occurred months ago. See World War 1 and… World War 2 for examples of each, not to mention a whole host of war-related books and films. The problem with doing this in a video game is that it would require having multiple one-sided fights past the most climatic fight, which would be unfun, and we return to that fucking Reggie quote again. While video games can effectively explore this anti-war narrative space - This War of Mine is a fantastic example - it just doesn’t gel with the fun games that IntSys wants to make. I bring this up in the context of FE because Fire Emblem has such an aesthetic focus on warfare compared to other video games, so it sticks out even further. Even in FE6/FE9 where the war is effectively over in the final few maps, the enemies still remain extremely challenging, because if they didn’t things would be boring.
A few minor things that didn’t fit in above before we wrap up this section. First of all, in making an action packed story, Fire Emblem neglects an important aspect of army life in warfare - the “hurrying up and waiting”. In the majority of cases, the breaks between fights is under 10 minutes, it’s just glossed over. Fire Emblem Three Houses is the exception to this, but there it’s more framed as school life. Some people may say “what’s the point in having large amounts of timewasting where nothing happens in my game about war” and to that I would say fuck you, I want to play Jarhead Emblem. Next, Fire Emblem involves fighting people AND monsters, but these targets are typically given equal narrative weight, outside of maybe a funny line of dialogue about someone being afraid of monsters. In 99% of cases, enemy soldiers you fight have no more humanity than literal monsters. The death of any of your beloved soldiers is a tragedy with big sad death quotes, the death of those poor fuckers is quite literally a statistic which is proudly used to rank how well your guys have done at the end of the game. Finally, the limited scope of the violence the series can show limits the potential impact of scenes. In some cases, this is good as the implication is enough, e.g. the ‘Monica’ scene in Sacred Stones is wonderfully grim and would be weakened by anything explicit. However, a number of other scenes are neutered by the limitations on violence. This fundamentally relates to the aesthetics of the series:

insert prozd tweet/skit here (or Aesthetics, Tone, and Characters)

I’ve been talking a lot about ‘the violence committed’, and this might have seemed a bit weird to you. It’s a true statement, but because the violence is mostly cartoony and abstracted - bad guys disappear into nothingness, there’s no blood, etc - it’s hard to think of it in that way. It’s basically impossible to place Fire Emblem in the same artistic sphere as, say, All Quiet on the Western Front. This aesthetic sense was partially tech-limited in the early NES and SNES games, which was grandfathered into the more graphically complex titles, but it’s also related to how the aesthetics unavoidably warp the tone of the work. IntSys needs their games to be relatively lighthearted and unconcerned with the consequences of its violence, as one of the core appeals of these games is the charming cast of characters. As you would expect, it would be a lot harder to appreciate your goofy blorbos and their lighthearted chats about nothing if you could see the brutal consequences of their triple digit body counts. If violence was more realistic, there would be a lot less “ooh I like training and/or this one hyperspecific food” or “I like peace, but I guess violence may be possibly needed sometimes” and there would have to be a lot more trauma and dourness. There are also age rating concerns, as you can’t exactly sell Come And See Emblem to pre-teens. And once more, to clarify: Fire Emblem as it exists now is fine! I like the lighthearted tone of this series, and I like the characters that reside within it. However, a few problems do arise from IntSys’s approach to violence, as occasionally they brush up against darker ideas but (due to similar reasons to the above) they can never commit to them, which neuters their potential impact. This is especially troublesome with regards to characterisation, as the little dudes are a core appeal, so if something is off that could cause problems. In a sense, at points we have severe aesthetic tension.
A fairly useful case study to see how this affects characterisation is with Mozu in Fire Emblem Fates. Mozu is a charming character, a genial country bumpkin with a bit of an edge at times, who has fond memories of her hometown. This lines up with the lighthearted tone of her recruitment paralogue, where (checks notes) her entire village gets massacred by inhuman monsters, with her mother literally being murdered right in front of her, and she joins up with Corrin’s party because there is literally nothing left of her old life. I understand that people who experience extreme trauma do still manage to live meaningful lives, and that IntSys wouldn’t want to have a character who is a barely functional traumatised mess for 90% of the campaign. However, this doesn’t explain the sheer dissonance between the relatively normal and well-adjusted Mozu who quietly remembers her lost loved ones, and the fact that her village got My Lai’d a handful of weeks ago in the game’s timeline. IMO this would work a lot better if there were a few survivors (instead of literally everyone else dying), with Mozu actively choosing to leave her old life to help others instead of being forced to leave by circumstance. This reduction in scope would mitigate the dissonance between the character and what actually happens to her. This is by far the most extreme example in the series, however I’m sure you can think of others. My issue here is not with having ‘normal’ characters, or with them suffering tragedies, my issue is the dissonance between the two when viewing the scope of said tragedies. This is just one way the series wants to get into darker territory, then swiftly backing off instead of delving into the consequences.
This aesthetic restriction also affects the potential impact of dramatic scenes in the main story, limiting what the focus of these scenes can actually be. This little bit will involve heavy spoilers for Genealogy of the Holy War and Spec Ops: The Line (I KNOW THESE GAMES ARE VERY DIFFERENT WITH VERY DIFFERENT INTENDED DEMOGRAPHICS IN VERY DIFFERENT CULTURAL CONTEXTS, SHUT UP). Both have a very important narrative moment around their midpoints, involving fire magic/white phosphorus respectively. In each game, the deaths that occur are utterly horrific when you think about them. In FE4 the focus is on the drama of the plot twist and effects on the characters, with the actual effects of the violence being left to implication. We don’t know if this was the original intent of Kaga and the team, or if this was enforced by various tech- and publisher-related restrictions, but in either case we do not see anything explicit. In any case, in Spec Ops: The Line, the horror and graphic nature of the violence is completely inescapable, and therefore forms the core of the turning point of the story. The specifics of the violence itself are crucial - the game does not work if you don’t see the consequences of the white phosphorus - and it leads beautifully to the complete descent of its endgame. You may be saying “of course you couldn’t show that violence in FE, it’s a kids game” which is true, and in any case the scene in Genealogy is very good, even without showing the violence. I imagine if we get a remake in the year 202X we wouldn’t see anything explicit anyway, partially due to the publisher but also because the scene doesn’t necessarily need it. The point I am trying to make is that the aesthetics form a limitation on what Fire Emblem can explore, narrative space that the series fundamentally cannot reach.
One more thing, and this isn’t really about the games themselves but the impressions leading into them, and how the aesthetics can affect that. Do you guys remember when the intro cutscene of Three Houses was released a few weeks before release? I do, and I also remember the collective shock of the community when seeing the early previews. It was so drastically different to everything that had come before, and consequently was really intriguing - you can see a lot of speculation in the above comments. To clarify, I don’t want to pretend that 3H is some kind of super mature ultra gritty war story, or that blood = good game, but that beginning cutscene gave one hell of a first impression. Even though the game isn’t that much darker than any other FE game, the sheer unexpectedness put people off-kilter in a kinda awesome way. Does the game actually deliver? YMMV, but I think this (and some of the later cutscenes, such as the mid-game Dimitri one) work quite well. Sometimes, a little injection of harsher violence can go a long way.

Conclusion

Frankly I don’t really have a conclusion, sorry. As you can see, there are so many disparate strands, I can’t possibly make one grand thesis statement. Maybe the inherent contradictions of having warfare in a family friendly video game weakens the potential end result? I guess, but I don’t want to imply that what we have now is bad, as it is pretty good tbh. So, uhh…
…
OK, if I had to say something, it’s more about the process of making this. Having to try and think about how violence intersects with a video game you like takes you in a number of different directions. Ultimately, this process was really fulfilling for me, and I would recommend that you do the same (for FE or anything else)! Trying to analyse something you enjoy from a perspective not usually applied is pretty neat. If you guys have any thoughts (on the points above or your own), I’d be very interested to hear them!
Also, if people are interested, I’ll try to make a few case studies. I would focus on Thracia 776, Fates, and Three Houses, as (when thinking on this topic) I found that these games were consistently the most intriguing, with the most interesting relationships to violence. This would probably take a while though, as I am gonna be very busy in June, and I probably won’t have time this month either.

I believe I heard it around 2015-16 on YouTube, but it could easily be older but is at the latest 6 years old. It was in the recommended links to Porter Robinson's Goodbye to a World, and has a similar vibe to it. I remember it made me feel the same type of sadness, like someone was dying or losing memories. It made a big impact on me but when I suddenly remembered it today, I couldn't remember anything else about it
I don't remember what the actual music was like other than it was mostly slow, melancholy instrumental until near the end. Somewhere in the second half, an old-school computer text-to-speech voice starts talking - no rhythm or rhyme, just over the music. It doesn't last long, but the only parts I remember are the start:
"Do you remember, when we went to the park...and you said"
and the end:
"How could I forget? H o w" (the final word is stretched)
I recreated it here, but the voice sounded more like a young boy. It could have been a vocaloid, but those seem more fluid and less robotic (and this was in unaccented American English). I'm pretty sure there were no other lyrics in the song up to that point or after, but that could be wrong.
.
I know it isn't any of these from my Googling:
Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson (I know this is often the answer here but no. I'm fairly sure it's not by him at all, as his stuff is more high energy)
I Feel Fantastic
Paranoid Android or Fitter Happier by Radiohead
anything by Daft Punk
anything from Portal 1 or 2
Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap
Sign by VHS collection
O Superman by Laurie Anderson
I Need You by M83
Heaven by iMonster
How Does it Make You Feel by AIR
The Memory Could Not Be Read by Intruder Alert
Sun's Gone Dim by Johann Johannsson (I thought it could be this at first, but no)

Hi there everyone, I kind of curious, I have been writing a crossover fanfic in the style of Super Robot Wars storylines. One of the Franchises I want to add is RWBY, however, I never really got into the series until playing Blazblue Cross Tag Battle and during his time I started read up on the series on various wiki pages.
So, if I'm wrong on any details or something does seem to match the character's personalities, please tell me!
In this point of the fanfic, it took place after my idea of an ending to the series, so here goes nothing!
The white haired huntress explained why she feels this is the case, telling them the story of her younger brother and his road for redemption.
For the longest of times, Whitley had nothing but hatred for his older sisters and saw the hunters and huntresses as below him, mocking Weiss every moment he had while she was under house arrest. Escaping from this sham of a home, she swore the boy and their father were nothing but monsters and for their actions were things that she never could forgive. That is until it was after the arrest of their father and their manor being invaded by Grimms that cracks were showing in his facade of pettiness.
"During that fight, Whitley wanted nothing but to run off, until he saw our mother fighting against the Grimm before falling from the underuse of her Semblance when he knew he needed to help."
After saving Willow and learning from their mother that Whitley was as much of a victim as anyone else that the middle child chose to mend their damaged relationship. During the fall of their home Kingdom of Atlas, he continued to help by having all the SDC Saircrafts to save anyone and everyone to relocate the people to Vacuo. When the Team RWBY and Jaune return from Ever After, he became part of the attacking forces as a commander to help defeat Salem's forces.
In the final battle, He was present to witness Ruby Rose and Kairi sparing the now depowered and mortal Salem, who was told to simply live with reminders of her sins haunting her until the day she died, as this was her last life. "While we watch Salem leaving to parts unknown, I thought Whitley was going to say something foolish, but to my surprise, he only watched.
In the four weeks after Salem's defeat, Whitley began his new life but it was something to adjusted to as he worked a part time job and began to start classes in that first week The heir of whatever remained of the SDC let his hair grow out slightly, he may have been inspired by a picture of Jaune's appearance during his time in Mistral but still kept a very clean appearance.
It wasn't until a week ago that there were some Jacques' old associates from Vacuo wanted to give Whitley the position of CEO of a new company, one named Phoenix Ash.
"At first, I thought he just wanted to go back to his old ways of life when he agreed to the deal, Asked from me was to trust him about this..."
Out of the blue, The new CEO of the Phoenix Ash Group called for a Public Announcement. Weiss and Winter were watching on a monitor in an aircraft outside of the city. Fearing for the worst, that he would be making empty promises to make a postive public image, the boy spoke of ending the practices of abusing Fanuas workers. This was a lie that their father made to the press when he was alive, before the young CEO spoke of his new idea.
When questioned by the Press, Whitley told the world that he his idea was to start finding better sources than just Dust to rely on, so he would put his own Lien that he held on since childhood to fund this research. If this research was successful, then he would personally see to the closure of all Dust Mines under the Pheonix Ash banter but threaten that if any of the Fanuas workers were harmed during his time as CEO, that under his leadership that he personally see it that the abusers' paychecks would go to their victims and repeated offenders would be fired as quickly as possible. The two sisters begin to noticed that four of The Board Members who hired him were in shaking in their boots.
"Young Sir, please think of the words you speak..." one of Jacques' remaining associates on the board begged to hopefully conviced the boy to reconsider these ideas
"I am fully aware of the words coming from my mouth as much as you were aware of letting my father's actions slide so you can make more Lien. So, to be quite blunt, SHUT IT OR FIND NEW JOBS!" This wasn't like the boy they once knew while Jacques was thriving, he was a new Whitley Schnee that wouldn't be swayed by the idea of making Lien in dishonest ways and wouldn't allow anyone under his leadership to harm the Faunus workers.
"DAMNED BLEEDING HEART BRAT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE JACQUES, THE REAL HEIR OF THE NAME OF SCHNEE!"
The oldest board member, a muscular bald man of over fourty who was still extremely loyal to the deceased CEO of SDC, charged at the youth with a knife! The youngest of the Schnee clan knew there would be risks, but didn't have any fighting experience to counter this attack.
"WHITLEY!" Weiss cried out as she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the would be killer's attempt of assassination, however, a certain green eyed Faunus, who's loyalites to Robyn Hill last to this day, arrived in enough time to stopped the youth's would be killer.
"You really think that Fiona Thyme would let you kill your new boss? As IF!"
Within a mere set of seconds, the man of three hundred and something pounds was on the ground, each insult that was aimed at the girl was countered with his former boss nodding for the girl to wack the creep across his bald head. This last for a couple of minutes until the police to take his sorry ass to jail as well as charging the Faunus with a minor crime. The girl knew that there would no way to escape but chose not to surrender as she put her hands behind her head much to the cheers of some in the crowd.
However, In those five seconds before the cuffs closed on her hands, The CEO jumped off of the platform and stood in between the messy haired Faunus girl and the arresting officer, slapping the cuff out of the man's hands to the shock of the world. When asked to step aside, the boy's answer to this was something everyone in Remnant, who were either in the crowd or watched from afar from their scrolls, never expected.
"You're really asking me to step aside, so you could take away a war hero's future? I choose to refuse for we all know these charges against her are nothing but baseless. She fought on the side of various heroes! Heroes ] from the Battle of Beacon, like the Teams: RWBY, JNPR, SSSN, FNKI, ABRN and CFVY, the heroes without teams like Lady Kairi, Qrow Branwen, and Taiyang Xiao Long, Heroes like Ilia Amitola and the Belladonna clan who were once White Fang members but left before the assassination of Sienna Khan and return to fight to stop the once peaceful group when they saw what it became under the command of Adam Taurus, heroes like the remaining members of the Ace Operatives, who fought their own feelings of sadness when they lost Clover Ebi and came together after they realized James Ironwood was in the wrong, after the man fell into despair because of how the upper class saw the innocent victims in Remnant and used Atlas as a ram to prevent the Grimm from gaining another advantage point. These groups of heroic and wonderful people came together to save the world from the forces of Salem, so why can't we, the civilains they protected, do the same?!"
There were some mutters from the civilians that watch on the ground level before one of the rich members of the crowd, a man named Harry Marigold, brought up that Weiss may have saved the world but of her crime of summoning the Grimm at the charity event at Schnee Manor should be held accountable before the youth counter with.
"The crime that night was one in justified anger when you, Harry Marigold, who ignored her sadness and only wanted my sister's attention for bragging rights, that damnable trophy wife, her weak minded shell of a husband, the former CEO of the SDC, myself and many others of the Upper Class chose to cruely mocked the recently deceased of Vale and proudly laughing about the deaths of the many innocents of the fallen Kingdom who had nothing to do with the fighting. fates we claimed that civilains deserved!? If anything, she didn't summoned the Grimm to harm anyone but wanted us demons to understand that life is not to be taken as a joke or anything to not to be take lightly. The real crime that night was that the Grimm didn't caused more damages to Schnee manor and not having the monster hurt any of us because of our cruelity to the dead! But because the CEO of SDC cared for nothing but his public image, when she confronted that scumbag for our actions and for using her as a prize toy for everyone to see, his only reaction was to slapped my sister across her face and denied her Birthright!
This made the rich members of the crowd uneasy, as they knew that they were being put in their places. They wanted the youth to be silenced but he continued, angry and filled with something that he should've had a long time ago, a frightful sense of Justice.
"For too damn long, I was blinded by my family's name, not knowing it was nothing but an evil curse and if it wasn't for my sister's actions that night and the night her team and the remaining members of team JNPR saved the lives of my poor mother and the sorry shell of a person. I, too, would've remained under the very same spell of ignorance that the old fool relished in to keep us in line. So, for you to order me around, to use my sister justified attempt on the upper class to see her honorable view on life so who could silence my words, and to force this maiden, who has fought harder than anyone here because fearful paranoia bigots using unjust hatred of every Faunus to make her life a living torture device, for her to rot in a prison cell without a fair trial, just for saving my life? That command is UNFORGIVABLE!" The boy screamed loudly and in pure rage so everyone could hear his plea.
Fiona was in shock, she heard from various communities of the Faunus that the SDC and clan of Schnee were nothing but monsters, worse than any of Salem's Grimms. Even after meeting the huntresses of Team RWBY, she believed Weiss was the only one of the family who wanted to set things right in the world.
Even through she hated the idea to keep an eye on the Schnee heir, even if it was a jobn from her trusted leader. His father and the fellow members of the Board in the SDC saw the Faunus and wanted nothing but for them to be trapped in cages without futures, But to see with her eyes, the very son made to follow in these footsteps of selfish desires, meaning every single word that left his mouth, these words that were filled with a justified desire to save the young girl from an unfair fate, was so unreal.
"If anything, it was the wicked ideas of greed that the deceased CEO held dear tt were one of the many factors that broke our world, Jacques Sc..." The boy stopped for less than a second before continuing in anger.
"....Actually no, I refuse to allow that bastard to my family's name any longer, even in death! Jacques Gélé was never a father, he was nothing but an unredeemable thief without a sense honor, who used dirty lies to trick my dying grandfather into his once humble life, the honorable man that should've had the right to lived long enough to prevent the future Gélé wanted, Nicholas Schnee!"
"Who used my recently deceased mother's, Willow Schnee, love and trust to steal a company he was never worthy to rule over from underneath her. When she learned of his deception and his lies in their sham of a relationship, the once loving and carring mother only means to escape from his wicked virus was to drink her sorrows away and seclude herself from the world!
"His sickness was something that their three children were not immuned to as he saw nothing from us but to be used as pawns so he could gain more power! It wasn't until we learned better ways to live by others, others who actually cared, that we actually became good people!"
"The first of us was to learn this lesson was The Soldier who proven herself time and time again, who enlisted in the Atlas military to get away from the sickness that Gélé took pleasure in, who leaders knocked the views of hatred for the Faunus and the usage of cheap tricks out of her, my oldest sister, Commander Winter Schnee!
"My second oldest sister, Huntress Weiss Schnee, who learn of the shame that her family name carried at her time in Beacon, who was forced to leave after the battle by Gélé for supposed safety only to be paraded around as a prize trophy daughter for his friends in the upper class, who felt the sting of venom when that man refused to accept her heroic heart, forcing her to escape his maddess so she could continued helping those who were suffering!"
"And then there's myself, Whitley Schnee, the boy who was so scared with the various changes to his home life that he chose to follow in that thief's footsteps, who once mocked the dead of Beacon along with the others in the Upper Class, who has never fought for anything and even in that last battle, was so powerless to prevent more tragedies for befall those he commanded to fight on his behalf! The boy who's heart is filled with so much regret because of his idiotic choices in life but is now filled a newly found sense of Justice, who only goal now is to find a cure for the poison, so he could, no! will make our world a better place than it was in the past!"
The crowd was stunned thar they couldn't help but to stay silent.
"Gélé has cause so much suffering to the Faunus and to many other communities. That suffering spread in the Kingdoms like wildfire. When my grandfather died, so did the fairness and honor that the Schnee name held on to....but not anymore! MY DREAM is to stop the suffering that Gélé relished in so he could live like a damn lazy king!
Whitley then put his hands behind his head and told the world.
"So if this girl goes to prison, so will I! All I asked of those listening is not to cheer no matter what the outcome is, not to cry for this foolish boy who has fought for nothing, but to simply think about his words and the weight they pull!" Whitley's blood was boiling as The puppet CEO's bight blue eyes widden to show everyone that his dream was one that the boy will work for through his pain.
After this decree was finished, everything was slient before the officer asked. "Would you die for that dream..?"
Whitley, answered with all seriousness. "If I die, then I would gladly die with a hundred stabs to my heart and soul to make damn sure that my dream becomes reality." The officer waved to another cop to bring in a second set of handcuffs, much to both cops dismay.
"Alright, I'm sorry. Whitley Schnee for disobeying a officer of the law, you have to come with us."
Whitley said not a word as the cuffs latched onto his hands. As if to respect the boy's wishes, There were no one in the crowd, maybe even in Remnant, cheering about the arrest of these two, even though the boy said he had nothing but hatred of those that surround Gélé mocking those that died in Beacon, none of the them wanted nor could cheer, for to celebrate this would be nothing but hallowed.
On route to the department to put the two in the holding cells until they could make bond, the two talked, mostly it was Whitley asking the girl a thousands questions of the culture of the Faunus, the life she lived before becoming a war hero and so on. The poor girl was shaking with overwhelmingness but snapped out of it when Whitley explained something to her.
"This is the second time you saved me from the door of death, thank you, Lady Thyme."
Fiona was slightly confused before slowly piecing together that in the final battle she rushed to the location of downed aircraft, where a gravely injured woman layed under some debris being protected by her white haired son with a mere wooded stick he found on the ground screaming. "GET AWAY! YOU GRIMMS!" before being knocked backwards and then being held by his throat.
"HEY FANG FACES, I'M MORE OF A CHALLENGE THAN THOSE TWO!" The Fanaus screamed while the Grimm let the boy go to blocked her attack.
"KID! TAKE YOUR MOM AND GET OUTTA HERE, I CAN'T HOLD THIS GUY OFF FOREVER!"The boy nodded as he grabbed his mother and ran off, not knowing that he would plan to thank the maiden the next time they meet.
"No freaking way, you're that boy?"
"Yeah...but I'm not proud to admit that I'm not one for fighting." Whitley smiled as this surprised the girl.
To think, the meek boy she saved that one time and the guy who wanted to help others despite his family's reputation were the same person? How would this day become more of a weird fever dream?
"Hey you two, I hate to burst this bubble but ready for a fight, there was another vehicle besides ours that was on their way to the department." A male's voice explained when they noticed a man in a grey cloak sitting in the darkest corner of the vehicle.
"Before you asked, I've been here for the entire trip."
"Why is that important?" The only woman of the three thought while the Schnee youth figured it out.
"That ghoul of a Board Member?"
"'Faid so, he was taken in sometime before your speech and there are only two holding cells in the department, one for men and the other for women." The man explained.
"I could use my semblance to hold him in a..." Fiona was stopped when the mystery man continued.
"...And to prevent any escapes, the cells and those cuffs on your hands are laced with anti-semblance tech."
Fiona screamed. "OH CRAP!"
Whitley was shaken but kept cool as he thought. "I guess as this is a smaller scale city, I should've figured as much."
"Are you actually prepared to die for your ideas?" The man asked the boy, but his answer was simple.
"I'm not planning to back down now, to betray those words I spoke earlier, would be a wicked sin."
Meanwhile in an aircraft a little ways off. Both Weiss and Winter were dumbfounded by their brother's speech and actions. "He has changed so much since weeks ago." The middle child thought before Winter demanded the pilot to land that at the port nearest to the city.
Yang, Kairi, Jaune, Ruby, and Blake were on the aircraft but was confused by the sudden change of directions, before the commander explained. "The Board member that tried to killed our brother was sent to the holding cell in the department before Whitley's speech."
"OH CRAP!" Ruby and Weiss screamed as they thought in dismay that the boy was going to be in an one sided fight against a heavier opponent.
"Please hold on for a bit longer, Younger Brother..." Winter quietly whispered as the Aircraft was going as fast as possible to their destination.
Upon arriving and being settle in the two holding cells, it was when the guards left the redeemer was being used as a punching bag for the man's humiliation.
"DAMN BRATTY ASSED PUNK!"
"UGHHH!" Whitley groaned, being punched for a hour, his clothing became ragged and bloody.
"LEAVE WHITLEY ALONE!" Fiona cried out at the tallest in the men's holding cell, she was in the womens' holding cell that was across the room, luckly for her, she was alone in the women's side but not for Whitley, making things worse is that the guards were sent out on an emergency call, as their thinning numbers were sent out because of a few bomb threats elsewhere in the city.
"SHUT IT, SHEEPIE! I GOING KEEP BEATING THIS BRAT UNTIL HE UNDERSTANDS HIS PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE!"
"..." The man in the hood remained quiet as he watched this uneven fight. "You should stay down..."
"...As if I would..." The Schnee boy rose back to his feet through he knew nothing of throwing punches he refused to surrender just to spite the former Board Member of Phoenix Ash.
"HEH, for a skinny brat, you're stubborn, be a good little boy and admit that you're nothing but a puppet then I'll quit your rightly deserved beatings!"
Whitley regained his balance before flipping a bird claiming. "You...really...think this..puppet would let some smug ass with no respect for anyone but those in the Upper Class to order me around? SCREW....YOU!" The boy yelled spiting blood onto the man's ghoulish face to annoy the monster in human flesh.
"...WHY YOU LITTLE MAGGOT!" The man was even more enraged now, as he punched the stomach of the younger male causing the boy fall onto the cold floor.
Fiona was horrified as she witness the former spoiled prince rose back to his feet.
"Still standing boy?"
The youth was still standing to a point, until the man pulled a dirty shiv he found in the holding cell while waiting for this very moment. The two youths' eyes widden when they saw the makeshift weapon of sharpen hard plastic.
"...A weapon!?" Fiona cried out in dismay.
"Some poor sap must have made this sometime ago, makes me wonder where he could be now, anywho while I am slicing into your flesh, Whitley, I'm going tell what I thought of those pretty little ideas of yours."
The Faunus was in a state of fear for the young puppet CEO as the shiv user quickly sliced into the white haired youth's shoulder, with this the first time being cut, Whitley scream in pain.
"AHHHHGNN!"
"FIRST, YOU WANT TO FREE THE ANIMALS FROM OUR CAGES, THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS TO A FUTURE IN OUR SOCIETY!
The next was a stab on his left upper leg, luckly not hitting anything vitals as makeshift blade of sharp hard plastic was pulled out and blood dripped onto the flooring The boy's screams of pain echoing through the empty department.
"NEXT, WE CAN'T MAKE ANY LIEN IF BLEEDING HEARTS, LIKE WHAT YOU'VE BECOME, ARE IN CHARGE OF THINGS!"
The attacker then sliced the right side of Whitley's face leaving a scar under his eye.
"THE FACE OF THE BOY WITH A NAME THAT NOWS MEANS NOTHING TOTHE WORLD, USING TRUTHS TO PISS ON THE LEGACY THAT JACQUES BUILT, JUST SO HIS SON COULD REBUILD THE HONOR THAT IT HELD WHEN THAT WINDBAG WAS STILL KICKING! WHAT FREAKIN DRIVEL!"
then a slash across his chest.
"THAT BLEEDING HEART OF YOURS WANTING REDEMPTION SO HE COULD HAVE SOME ATTENTION BUT GUESS WHAT THERE'S NO SUCH THING IN THE BUSINESS WORLD OR IN THE REMAINING KINGDOMS OF REMNANT AS REDEMPTION!"
Then the right hand of the boy, the one Whitley pull in front of his body in an poor attempt to grabbed the makeshift Shiv.
"THESE HANDS OF A SOFT SPOILED LITTLE BOY WHO, EVEN IN THE LAST BATTLE AGAINST THE GRIMM FORCES, NEVER THREW A PUNCH OR SLAP ANYONE, ARE SUPPOSED TO CHANGE THE WORLD, ALL YOU HAVE DONE IN THAT BATTLE WERE ORDERING SOLDIERS TO FIGHT FOR YOU, SOLDIERS WHO SHOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT YOU'VE BECOME!"
Finishing this rant with a punch to the gut, and mocking his braverly. "TELL ME THIS, BOY? WHEN THIS SPINE OF YOURS GREW, DID YOUR STUPIDITY DOUBLED, BECAUSE COMPARED TO YOUR DAD, YOU'RE SUCH AN DOLT TO BELIEVE YOUR OWN CRAP!"
"WHITLEY! STOP, YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" Fiona screamed as the man got on top of the boy's body and punch the white haired youth's face twice before the monster yelled at the girl.
"I SAID SHUT IT SHEEP! YOU MAYBE A WAR HERO THAT I CAN'T PUT MY HANDS ON BUT YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH AS THE HOPES OF THIS BOY DIES ALONG WITH HIS BODY!"
Getting off of the beaten body of the Schnee, the man let Whitley try to get up before the boy fell on his stomach and the man grabbed the white hairs of his his head and pulled his face up, so the redeemer would look into Fiona's green eyes for a last time, one filled with tears.
"ACTUALLY, IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE OF HER STATUS AS A WAR HERO, THE SHEEP WILL GET OUT IN THE END OF THE DAY AND BE ON HER WAY HOME, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO PLAY HERO AND FOR WHAT, WHITLEY SCHNEE?! FOR YOUR REMAINS TO BE MY PUNCHING BAG UNTIL I TRANSFER TO PRISON?....IT'S SO FREAKING SAD THAT I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!"
The redeemer, who's face full of buises, forgotten that this is the case for minor first time offenders but didn't care at all. Ever since Fiona saved his and his mother's lives that day, he would've happily be arrested and be beaten, time after time, so he could thank her. He wanted to smile, to show his savior that he was happy with this outcome, even this meant that his life ended today, but could barely move his face but the only could wheezingly chuckled as tears as swell from his eyes
Before the man could finished Whitley off, a small blackout happened as the doors of the cells opened, Fiona ran to the boy who risked his life just so he could to talk to her. "WHY?!" Fiona cried she held the youth in her arms. "WHY CAN'T MONSTERS LIKE YOU SEE THAT THIS A NEW WORLD, THAT WE CAN BECOME BETTER THAN WE ONCE WERE." The green eyed girl demanded anwers but the man just mocked to anwered the Fuanus.
"Do you think animals like you could understand that only the strong and the Upper Cass are the only ones who have the right to control Remnant. He could have been one of those in control and still have enough Lien to be someone important but he chose to ally with the lower class, and for little lamb he paying for it, dearly."
Putting the boy's head gently on the floor wiping the tears on her sleeve, to hopefully keep friend she made safe for a bit longer, she attempted to use Pocket Demisions to rid the world of this demon, only to realize in the middle of her attack, the power returned and because she ran to help the youth, that she was in the men's holding cell with the real beast.
"....No!" She wimpered.
"Looks like there's some of my fellow board members of Phoenix Ash are still on my side." He smiled wickening as he began to explain their plans. "You see, little Sheep, we figured the boy has a bleeding heart, so to get rid of those childish wishes to loosen our hold, we decided yesterday to make up a plan, the one that you had to prevent. So during that little speech of his, we made a second one on the fly." He continued as he put his hand on an earpiece. "...That one being the threats to distract the guards and that little blackout. Plus thanks to this little device, my semblance to increase my strength with every attack I give, still remains."
"This can't be...." She was scared, as this man that she could taken down a few mere hours ago, was telling the truth when every step he made while approaching Fiona made small cracks in the flooring.
"Damn it, We going need to cause another..." A voice explained though the earpiece before he turned off the equipment's sound option.
"Now, since you annoyed me so much, you're going be my replacement, lamb chops!" The upsuper yelled in bliss as he pulled his fist to punch her small body. She dodged the attack but his second punch connected and sent her flying into the force field door.
"AUHHGGG!" She cried out, recoiling in the pain from her back before noticing the man was coming for her, managing to get up but unable to dodge it completely in this cramped arena. She felt the punch connected with her left arm, braking the bones in the limb, Then a kick to her gut. Knocking her a few inches near Whitley's body.
"....No...."
The youngest of the Schnee clan could only watch in despair through one eye, the two were being broken by a scummy excuse of a human, and the young redeemer of his name could do nothing but watched as his attempt to prove to the world his words were real go down in flames.
"...Leave...her...alone..." These words spit out ignoring the pain as much as he could while rising back to his feet and limping to get in between the Faunus woman and her attacker.
"So, the boy still has some fighting spirit...The boy that has never fought for anything in his life, I am certain that you're doing this for everyone's attention."
The man was right on a few things, Whitley was never a fighter or some ground troop, and it may have been that he wanted attention when he first started to go down this road but Winter quickly knocked that idea out of his head, but the man is wrong on others, for Whitley realize that all he wanted to do in life is to help in anyway, even he'll be happy as a sideliner act to the main heroes.
But one can't always stay in that role and hoped to change the world, for a long time he stood by as a witness to to his father's crimes, for longer his thoughts of heroism being dismissed by that bogus excuse of a father and as far as he remembered, Whitley had others fight for him. But no more!
"In this world, money and power pull the strings, and yet you choose death for a flithy animal? How more times are you going to PISS M-!" The man was interrupted while talking by, to the surprise of all, the white haired boy headbutting his taller foe, knocking the man onto his ass!
"...WHAT!?" The man screamed in horror as he started to bleed from his now broken nose, this was the first time the business man has ever seen his own blood.
"...I've...told...the world...I...would die for my dream....even if I die today....I'll be happy to die...hundred times over again..." The boy's body was mostly broken, each word he spoke caused more pain than his body could stand but the young man still had one part of his body to fight with, his hard head!
The next thing they all knew, Whitley continued headbutting his enemy, causing the man to gain a reality check, his ability were increasing his attacks but at a certain cost, The sole major weak point on his body, the one that held the brain to think of ways to screwed others over, the one with the eyes that saw everyone else as beneath him and the one with the mouth with a booming voice he used to make threats and promises to ruin his foes, his face weaken over time with every punch or kick he gave to the two.
"NONONONONO!" The man screamed with a bloodied and bruised face, before feeling the same despair he installed into his two victims just mere minutes ago. In a desperate attempt to stop these attacks, he grabbed the man in the cloak as a hostage, with the shiv he used on the boy still in his possession.
"You-ou wouldn't w-wan...me to stab some r-random person that had nuthing to do with this, uh?!" These ragged words were like the man himself, desperate and scummy, but was enough to stop the boy from getting closer.
The foe laughed thinking he has the upper hand. "I admired your old man's talent in making a profit, but he was just like you to a certain point, he was no killer, so now I advise we wait until they let us out or I'll be plunging..."
"Tsk...This old fart really been pissing me off since we got here!"
The cloaked man yelled as he stepped on the foot of his captor along with a gunshot ringing though the air. "W-WHAT!?" The man screamed in pain as he released his hold to grabbed his now bleeding foot. "DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!" The larger man screamed before realizing why his leg strength wasn't up to snuff. While being headbutted by his Whitley, the earpiece fell out and was behind his two victims!
"No way this is happening...." He groaned in pain before the cloaked male took off his hood, just to make things worse for the would be assassin.
"...and here I thought I would have a peaceful life in prison..." The man sighed as he revealed himself to be a fomer ally of Salem, one who wanted nothing more but to rot in prisons for the remaining of his life.
"M-Mercury B-B-Black, why is a war criminal here?!" The man screamed, fearing for his life even more than before.
"I was supposed to transfer into the next city, mostly for some good behavior BS..." Mercury turned his attention to the white haired boy.
"Hey kid, you're the brother to that girl Weiss, right?"
"....." Whitley wanted to say something but really couldn't, with those last few headbutts, if he tried to speak now, he will surely faint.
"Man, the geezer really did a number on you, huh?" Mercury asked before = one of the guards and Whitley's sisters ran in.
"Holy...CRAP! WHITLEY!!"
"Why is our brother and Miss Thyme in the same cell as these two?!" Winter demanded answers before Mercury explained for panicing guard while pulling the earpiece from the ground.
"Whitley was being used by lord lard ass as a punching bag until few people from Pheonix Ash caused a short blackout, the girl ran in to stopped the beatings but was attacked as well until your little bro figuring out the buzzard's weakness by headbutting the man in his freakin' face. After that, The creep tried to use me as levelage but yeah, you can see how that worked out."
"DAMNED BRATS...." The man groaned as the two Schnee women got Whitley and Fiona out of this cell but froze in fear when he saw Winter staring down at the man.
"I figured that your group would pulled something like this when Whitley told me of the CEO position, so I looked into yours and the rest of the board's backgrounds...It was just as Black said, You and your three friends in the board of eight have more than just attempted assassination to worry about now."
This decree was worrying enough before Mercury Black turned his attention back to the older man."I guess I'm going to have a kicking dummy for a roommate now!"
"Please have mercy!" The man turned deathly pale before Fiona yelled.
"Like the mercy you shown to me and Whitley because he called out your sorry butt, I would think not!"
Weiss was next to insult the man for his behavior. "...If anything you deserve nothing but a fate in a cage, like the various futures you took away!"
"Looks like you're going to rot in a cell for the rest of your sad existence." Winter finished before the guards were told by the military commander to take her younger brother out of the room and to take his would be assassin to the other cell.
Before leaving, Winter asked the former ally of Salem.
"Mercury Black...Your sentence for your war crimes have been over with for a couple of months now, yet, you still choose to remain in prison, may I ask why?"
"Since Cinder died in the fight against our former partner and Salem's redemption attempt, I really don't have much else left. Besides it's like I've said during that battle with the hammerhead and her pretty boy lover, I have been forced to fight since I was born by a drunk abusive excuse of a dad, so even if I could be let back into society, I don't think I could be happy."
"You could've joined the military..." The eldest member of the Schnee replied before the younger male countered
"Yeah, but I hate following and giving orders, besides you've seen what this old bastard done to your brother, creeps like him and worse are everywhere in prison. So as long as I can beat them senseless, I'm freaking happy to serve more time for each brawl I get my ass into."
This silenced Winter for a couple of seconds before asking for two simple demands. "Just tell Em that I'm okay with how things ended between us, and tell her just to be happy with her new life, if she can do that, then that would give me some sort of peace."
A couple of hours later at the medical bay on the airship.
Kairi used the healing spell Curaga on both the boy and Fiona. "Thank you, Lady Kairi." Fiona bowed while still having her arm in a cast after Whitley opened his eyes, being healed.
"Hey, it's not a problem, but please, just call me Kairi for now on, okay, Fiona?"
"Ughh, what...Fiona..are you alright?" The redeemer asked his friend.
"Yes, but you took the blunt of the beating, please relax, Whitley." The Fanuas explained before the boy asked.
"Who payed for our bails? I doubt it was my sisters, our situation isn't as it once was."
At that moment, Weiss and Blake came in, the disowned heiress of the destroyed SDC was proud at the fact that her former enemy of a brother fought for what's right, explaining. "It those three you poined out from that charity that payed for your and Fiona's bonds."
"Huh?!" Fiona was taken back in surprise by this before the middle child of the Schnee family theorized
"My guess is, either your speech or being outed as horrible people that made those three pay with their own Lien to post bond. I only wished we got there quicker but the airport was on the other side of the city."
"That's good but I can only hope that the others in the crowd took my words to heart and none of the people recording that day alter the video."
...We can check for video or audio interferances later on today but something tells me those who heard your speech that they're going be thinking about it for a long time." Blake's words made the youngest member of the Schnee children a little more eased.
"If only mother lived to see her son became someone to be proud of." Weiss thought to herself that day before their last mission in Remnant before her universe was wiped from existence.
In the Hangar of the doomed Wunder, Weiss had a thought of what could've been the futures of the new CEO of Pheonix Ash and his loyal bodyguard could have been if their universe just lasted a little bit longer.
"Hey, Bozos I'm about to take the Eva-unit 02 F off of the ship, before figuring out a plan to stop Misato."
"Alright.." Aqua answered as the red-head walked towards the console before seeing something strange.
"You guys were here for the last hour right?"
"Yeah?" Duo answered before Asuka added.
"And no one else came in or tried anything funny right?"
"We've been here the entire time, what's with the questions, Langley?" Viral countered.
"...There's two signals of heat in the cockpit...."
"Umm what?" Jaune exclaimed as the console showing the statistics of the bulky armored version of Unit 02, showing two bodies of heat in the entry plug.
Before anything else was said in the group. A young male's voice came through the console. "Umm Hello? Can someone get us out of this thing?"
No one but the Schnee huntress recognize the youth's voice. "Whitley!?"
"Sis, can you hear me?"
Asuka spoke next, "How long were you two in the Evangelion for?"
"I think for three hours, oh right, Fi wanted to asked if there's any males in the area."
"Fiona's in there too?!" Wiess inner thoughts were of panic that were made worse after Jaune's answer.
"Yeah, there's four guys here, why?" Jaunne asked before Fiona screamed in embrassament.
"PLEASE GO TO THE OTHER ROOM OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS!"
"Fi, please relax..."
"RELAX!? YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE IN THIS THING WITH CLOTHES ON!" The girl whined while crying from embarrassment.
"Umm, could anyone bring clothing for Miss Thyme."
Duo began to smirked before being dragged by Viral into the next room. "Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself, Duo Maxwell..."
"Killjoy!" Duo screamed as Jonathan conviced Jaune to followed.
"Sir Arc, we should leave as well, as it is knights' honor to..."
"Already way ahead of you, Mr. Joestar. We'll see you all later when we come up with that plan!"
As this was all happening, an snore echoed out from behind the crates. "Is someone sleeping over there?" Aqua asked while checking to see who it might be.
There, Chibodee Crocket, of all people was in deep slumber, much to everyone's surprise.
"...We should wake him up..." Asuka sighed while Weiss went looking for any of the female members of the crew for some clothing.
But to the surprise of the two, he just walked into the next room while sleeping the entire time. "That...worked out way to well..."

I’m in the process of losing weight atm even though I’m not fat either way and he’s said that to my face. Yet sometimes when we’re talking or playing games together he’ll make jokes calling me big chungus or how he likes his women big and it makes me feel upset. I’ve told him so and he apologises but more in a way to get it done and over with not actually saying sorry. He’ll send me posts on Instagram of girls that are thinner than me and say “if you looked like that we would not be leaving the bedroom” Says he’s over his porn addiction but will ask me for nudes even when I tell him I don’t want to that day, and joke about women only being objects still. I’ve told him I won’t always be up for sending him photos and he says it’s okay yet constantly jokes about how he’s had a bad day and some pics would help him and I just can’t tell if he’s having a laugh or being serious about it. I’m just conflicted he calls me beautiful then makes jokes about the way I look. Is this something men just do, or is he being a dick? When we’re in person he’ll tell me to bring that ass here and he’ll want to do things with me but I keep thinking that he actually just doesn’t like the way I look because he’ll grab my belly as a joke and say “jiggle jiggle” and say having big thighs makes it harder. He says he doesn’t like skinny girl either but will compare me to them but not outright just make comments again like “god if you looked like this, the things I would do to you” but when we’re cuddling he’ll call me beautiful and cute, I just don’t feel that way given day in day out he will make some joke relating to the way I look.

I got to thinking about the powers of a Meruem who survived the Rose poison and went on to rule the world. This also assumes he is aware of the Dark Continent and that there are creatures there who could pose a threat to him. These Hatsu will be seperated into categories, since there's a lot of them.
Mostly, this was a chance to go absolutely wild with the pinnacle of Nen. I hope you enjoy reading busted abilities.
Foundational:
Aura Synthesis (Emission): By consuming the aura of another individual, Meruem permanently adds their aura to his reserves. This also allows him to reverse engineer any Hatsu they possessed perfectly, and improve them using his own Nen skill.
En Photons (Emission): By emitting individual particles of Nen, Meruem can gain the effects of En with effectively zero effort or aura investiture. More importantly, En Photons in contact with an individual with aura can become laden in the targets aura, returning to Meruem and activating Aura Synthesis. This means that, just by being in the same area as someone, Meruem can copy their Hatsu, and take as much of their aura reserves for himself as he pleases, though this is obviously massively faster the closer Meruem is to the target.
Specialization Access: By absorbing Aura from many specialists, Meruem gained the ability to use Specialization as if it were a normal Nen type, with 60% efficiency.
Combat:
Unshackle (Specialization): Meruem can only use this ability in a situation where he feels harm could come upon him from a source other than himself. To activate it, he must cut himself, and he cannot use Nen (including Enhancement healing) to heal it, or allow another to heal it for him. Once activated, Meruem gains 100% efficiency in all Nen categories while Unshackled. When Meruem ends this ability, 99% of his Aura pool is sealed away from him for ten times as long as he maintained Unshackle.
Transformation (Transmutation): A mix of Youpi's shapeshifting and Beelzebub, this ability allows Meruem to freely alter his form for mobility, combat, healing, and more. This is so potent that, as long as Meruem can maintain a a core the size of an ant, he can reform from nearly anything that doesn't destroy him on a cellular level. Unshackled, this ability allows Meruem to manipulate his body at the molecular level, though reconstituting large numbers of destroyed cells requires immense focus.
Spiritual Message (Emission, Manipulation): Meruem can read the mental, emotional, and aura makeup of anyone in contact with his En photons. This is so detailed that he can read minds and determine the Hatsu of targets instantly. This works on Dark Continent entities, though their complexity and uniqueness means that Meruem needs a few moments to derive useful conclusions, which is greatly reduced when Unshackled.
Mirror Clone (Emission, Manipulation): An emitted copy of himself, mirror clones do not have real substance and can be destroyed if their physical form is disrupted. They can use most of his Hatsu, and any aura granted to them is returned to Meruem if they are destroyed or are dismissed, as well as memories of everything they experienced. Although Mirror clones can move independently, they lack their own consciousness, and generally act on the last order given to them by Meruem.
Perfect Clone (Conjuration, Manipulation): Can only be activated when Unshackled. A true flesh and blood copy of Meruem. Instead of being granted a sum of Aura on creation, a Perfect Clone is instead granted a percentage of Meruem's pool, which it can recover on its own if expended, potentially even growing with Aura Synthesis. Perfect Clone is fully independent, and acts as an exact copy of Meruem's consciousness, meaning that personality drift is a real danger. Meruem considers this ability undignified, but holds it in reserve for creatures like Ai that can instantly kill anything at any range. If either the copy or original dies, the remainder receives the full Aura pool.
False Form (Conjuration): By using replacement-type conjuration to create a copy of his own body, Meruem can sustain bodily harm without it affecting his actual body. This ability normally has a latency of half a second to re-create a destroyed body part, but this is removed when Unshackled.
Executioner's Sword (Conjuration): Only usable Unshackled. Anything living pierced by this blade dies. Only one can be conjured at a time, even between clones.
Domain:
Heart of the Emperor (Conjuration): Meruem conjures an onyx shard. Any creature with this shard embedded in their heart is protected against the majority of the negative effects of Meruem's domains. Anyone else with a shard is treated as Meruem for the purpose of the domains effects.
Domain Activation (Emission): Can only be used Unshackled. Meruem emits a Nen space and teleports himself and any number of other targets into it. Each domain can only be activated if all previous domains were unsucessful in defeating one or more targets inside, and were active for at least 30 seconds on that target. Although each domain has a unique ability, all of them teleport En Photons directly between Meruem and the target, causing Aura drain to happen at a ludicrous rate.
Dimensional Anchor (Emission): Anything struck by the ray fired by this ability finds themselves unable to teleport by any means. This also foils any attempts to escape emitted spaces.
Domain I - Fields of Mourning (Manipulation): A seemingly infinite, listless field, this domain exploits the emotional vulnerabilities of the target, forcing victims to relive trauma, become overwhelmed with regret, or simply have all motivation drained away from them. Meruem can skip this domain against opponents that do not have emotions.
Domain 2 - Chains of Tartarus (Manipulation, Conjuration, Specialization): Worked stone and metal chains fill this domain. Targets inside of this domain have their body, mind, and aura seperated, unable to interact with each other. The body is paralyzed, the mind filled with pain and chaotic thoughts, and the aura rendered inert. Chans and manacles are conjured onto the target that interfere their ability to act in any way.
Domain 3 - Pits of Asphodel (Emission, Transmutation, Manipulation, Conjuration, Enhancement, Specialization): Pools of magma and gouts of flames fill this domain. This domain attempts to physically destroy the target by as many means as possible simultaneously. Heat, cold, vibration, ionization, entropy, and many more methods are used to destroy the target at an atomic, or sometimes subatomic level.
Domain 4 - Weight of Chronos (Specialization): A massive clock as the floor, with an endless abyss in every direction. This domain stops time, freezes space, and calcifies reality. Even Meruem is able to only observe and think, though he has near omniescense in this state within the domain. The purpose of this domain is to give Meruem the chance to observe, calculate, and formulate against a target that was able to resist the first three domains.
Domain 5 - Personalized Tapestry of Fate (Specialization + More?); The exact parameters of this domain are created while Weight of Chronos is active. Its purpose is to exploit weaknesses of the target in a way that allows them to be destroyed in ways that were not possible with the previous domains. If this is not possible with something standard, this serves simply to delay the target until the sixth domain unlocks.
Domain 6 - Unraveling (Specialization, Manipulation): Reality itself begins to unravel as this domain activates. This domain does not attack the target's body, mind, or aura. Instead, it attacks them as a concept, unraveling their very being at such a foundational level that there is little opportunity to resist.
Domain 7 - Colosseum (Enhancement): A large, roman colosseum. If all else fails, wearing the target down may be the only choice. When this domain activates, Meruem may take the opportunity to create a Perfect Clone outside the domain. While the domain is active, Meruem becomes five times more potent in every regard, and targets become five times weaker. Meruem also has his Aura efficiency massively increased, with expended aura mostly trickling back into his Aura pool, making him limitlessly enduring, while targets become massively inefficient, expending many times what they would even in a non weakened state. Note that this applies to unusual abilities like Ai's wishes as well.
Utility:
Teleportation (Emission): Meruem or something he targets teleports. This is instantaneous up to 100 meters (1 kilometer Unshackled), but requires concentration proportional to distance for longer teleports. In his Emitted spaces, Meruem can freely teleport anywhere within or between them. Can be used to escape Conjured or Emitted spaces.
Reactive Instincts (Manipulation, Specialization): Meruem is constantly self-manipulated with this ability, which reacts to danger or unusual situations. It can intuit danger that Meruem would have no way of percieving, and can activate any of his Hatsu autonomously. If someone wished for Alluka to kill Meruem, Reactive Instincts would Unshackle and create a Perfect Clone immediately before he died, allowing him to escape unscathed.
Hideaway (Emission, Conjuration): Meruem creates a new space, 'layered' slightly off from regular reality, and tucks himself or something else there. Although he can still percieve his surroundings with En Photons, very few methods can locate or target something that doesn't exist within regular spacetime.
Sacrificial Exorcism (Emission, Specialization): If Meruem is affected with a Nen curse or similar affliction, he may transfer it to a willing target in the form of a disease. Although powerful curses may result in afflictions on the same level as what Gon suffered, they will never be fatal (though survival may become nearly impossible with something on that level). If the target retains the curse for at leas ten years, and is still loyal to Meruem, their death causes the curse to die with them.
Exotic Matter Manipulation (Transmutation, Manipulation): Although technically many hatsu, I decided to group these together. Using his knowledge of physics, Meruem can create unusual states of matter to perform incredible feats, like creating black holes to form stable wormholes, to using transmuted antimatter to convert matter into energy. Physicists could probably suggest more weird stuff. Many of these must be Unshackled to come into effect properly.
Identity Safeguard (Specialization, Emission): Tucked away in an emitted space is a copy of the concept that makes Meruem what he is. If this is damaged somehow, he can use his backup.
Matter Reconstruction (Manipulation, Transmutation, Emission): Meruem can manipulate matter he infuses his aura into, reconfiguring it into any form he desires. Unshackled, this can manipulate atoms, changing the elements of the matter he is working with.
Timestream Shift (Specialization): If multiple streams of time are occurring simultaneously, he can enter whichever he pleases. Against Netero, he could use this ability to match Netero's time compression.

Hi, veterinary folk!
My kitty has been experiencing some fur loss that I believe is due to environmental allergies. He is not an anxious cat and did once react to a carpet powder that my other cats had never reacted to. Eyes were extra watery and he was sneezing. Since I first got him, he has always had watery eyes and thin fur on his belly, but lately he has been losing more fur. No other symptoms.
My question is, would you recommend having him seen? During his annual exam a couple months ago, I asked the vet about his skin and eyes. They said that while it was noted, his skin doesn’t look irritated or damaged (still the case). As such, they didn’t feel the need to look into the matter. Does this sound like a fair assessment? I’m worried about his comfort.
Species: Cat / Age: 4 years old / Sex: Male, neutered / Breed: DSH / Weight: ~11 lbs / General location: Midwest USA.
History: Prescribed NeoPolyBac early 2022 for eye drainage. Otherwise unremarkable history. Vaccinated and has Advantage Multi applied during summer months (though not yet this year). Clinical signs: Chronic watery eyes with dark eye boogers. Over-grooming on belly and somewhat on both sides, near his ribs. Duration: Since rescue in early 2022. Fur loss has increased recently but can’t verify when it changed.