Reader's Note: Feel free to read this in any order that suits you. Start from the introduction, the conclusion, or jump to any section you're interested in. Also, if you are going make a counter argument, please read the entire document as I may have already addressed or talked about your argument. Also, I may address a counter argument before or after you read the "Counterarguments" section. When I was writing this I was just sort of taking notes as I went and not organizing anything since I didn't think about sharing it with anyone. I only somewhat organized this and did so pretty quickly so don't expect this to be super well organized. I could have elaborated more, used different analogies, etc.

Intro

The Bible contains many references to slavery, which was a common practice in antiquity. Biblical texts outline sources and the legal status of slaves, economic roles of slavery, types of slavery, and debt slavery, which thoroughly explain the institution of slavery in Israel in antiquity.

Examples of Bible verses talking about slavery

I will use these 6 verses repeatedly in multiple examples:

• Leviticus 25:44–46: 44 "However, you may purchase male and female slaves from among the nations around you. 45 You may also purchase the children of temporary residents who live among you, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, 46 passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat them as slaves, but you must never treat your fellow Israelites this way."
  Context: This passage is part of the laws given to the Israelites regarding the Year of Jubilee which was a time of rest and release for the land and its people every fifty years. It specifies the conditions in which Israelites could own slaves and distinguishes between fellow Israelites and non-Israelites. Literal and legal.
  
• Exodus 21:2–6: 2 "If you buy a Hebrew slave, he may serve for no more than six years. Set him free in the seventh year, and he will owe you nothing for his freedom. 3 If he was single when he became your slave, he shall leave single. But if he was married before he became a slave, then his wife."
  Context: These verses are part of a larger set of laws given shortly after the Ten Commandments, focusing on the rights and treatment of Hebrew slaves. It details the procedure for releasing a Hebrew slave after six years of service. Literal and legal.
  
• Luke 12:47–48: 47 "And a servant who knows what the master wants, but isn't prepared and doesn't carry out those instructions, will be severely punished. 48 But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.
  Context: This passage is from a parable spoken by Jesus, emphasizing the importance of being ready and faithful in service to God. It uses the analogy of a servant and master to illustrate accountability and the consequences of knowing versus not knowing the master's will. Metaphorical and spiritual.
  
• 1 Timothy 6:1–2: 1 All slaves should show full respect for their masters so they will not bring shame on the name of God and his teaching. 2 If the masters are believers, that is no excuse for being disrespectful. Those slaves should work all the harder because their efforts are helping other believers who are well loved.
  Context: These instructions are given by Paul in a letter to Timothy, guiding how Christians including those who are slaves should conduct themselves to uphold the teachings of Christianity. Literal, with a spiritual application.
  
• Ephesians 6:5: "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ."
  Context: Part of Paul's letter to the Ephesians, this verse is included in a section that gives household codes for Christians, addressing relationships between husbands and wives, children and parents, and slaves and masters. Literal, with a spiritual application.
  
• Exodus 21:20–21: 20 When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be avenged. 21 But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be avenged, for the slave is his money.
  Context: This is also part of the Mosaic Law, given by God to Moses to relay to the Israelites regarding the treatment of slaves. It specifically talks about the consequences for a master who physically harms a slave distinguishing between outcomes that lead to the slave's death versus survival. Literal and legal.
  

Questions:

• What is slavery?
  Slavery is "The ownership of a person as property, especially in regards to their labor." Slavery typically involves compulsory work with the slave's location of work and residence dictated by the party that holds them in bondage. For most of human history slavery has been a feature of civilization and legal in most societies. Historically, enslavement could happen as a result of breaking the law, becoming indebted, suffering a military defeat, or exploitation for cheaper labor; other forms of slavery were instituted along demographic lines such as race and sex.
  Types of slavery:
  
  • Bondage/ Debt Slavery: When a person is forced to work to pay off a debt. They may be kept in enslavement for life or until debt is paid.
  • Voluntary Slavery: When a person voluntarily enters into slavery to pay a debt or earn money due to poverty.
  • Forced Labor: When a person is made to work against their will, often under the threat of violence or punishment.
  • Marriage slavery: People are forced into marriage against their will.
  • Blood slavery: Being born into slavery.
• What specific types of slavery are talked about in the bible?
  Both forced labor "However, you may purchase male and female slaves from among the nations around you. 45 You may also purchase the children of temporary residents who live among you, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property," and debt slavery "If you buy a Hebrew slave, he may serve for no more than six years. Set him free in the seventh year, and he will owe you nothing for his freedom" were mainly talked about and acceptable in the Bible. Blood slavery was also allowed "You may also purchase the children of temporary residents who live among you, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property."
  
• Does the Bible support modern slavery?
  Passages like Ephesians 6:5 which say "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ." And Exodus 21:20–21 which say "When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be avenged. 21 But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be avenged, for the slave is his money." Phrases like "for the slave is his money" and "just as you would obey Christ" are reminiscent of the obedience expected and punishments given in 19th century/modern slavery. I can't find any moral rationale for passages such as Exodus 21:20-21, which allow beating a person nearly to death without consequence, as long as the victim survives a couple of days. This is justified on the grounds that "the slave is his money," treating human beings merely as property (Similar to 19th century slavery). Also as I said earlier, this passage is part of the Mosaic Law, given by God to Moses to relay to the Israelites. This passage a literal statement within the context of Mosaic Law. It provides specific legal regulations for the Israelites and is not presented as an analogy, spiritual, or metaphorical message.
  
• Does the Bible ever condemn slavery?
  There is no passage anywhere in the Bible which outright condemns slavery/Say something similar to "Thou shalt not kill". Yet, it does outright condemn things like murder, theft, etc. It only talks about what to do if you do have slaves but doesn't say it's wrong. This is a direct contradiction with Christian principles advocated for in the Bible such as:
  
  • Matthew 22:39 - "And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" How can you love your neighbor when you can beat them to near death and own them as property?
  • James 2:8-9 - "If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers." This passage talks about the sinfulness of treating people unequally, which is obviously contradictory to the hierarchical relationship inherent in slavery.

Bible verses which seemingly condemn slavery

While the Bible doesn't outright say slavery was bad, some may think it implies it because of verses like:

• Leviticus 22:11: "But if a priest buys a slave with money, or if slaves are born in his household, they may eat his food." "buys." Why is this allowed when it goes against Christian principles? Verses like Galatians 3:28 clearly don't allow this.
  
• Job 31:13-15: "If I have denied justice to any of my servants, whether male or female, when they had a grievance against me, 14 what will I do when God confronts me? What will I answer when called to account? 15 Did not he who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same one form us both within our mothers?" "denied justice" could literally just mean something like going too far in the beating of a slave/servant Exodus 21:20–21 Its not specified what this "denied justice" is referring to.
  
• Deuteronomy 24:14-15: "Do not take advantage of a hired worker who is poor and needy, whether that worker is a fellow Israelite or a foreigner residing in one of your towns. Pay them their wages each day before sunset, because they are poor and are counting on it. Otherwise they may cry to the LORD against you, and you will be guilty of sin." Its not clear if this refers to you simply reaching out to someone and actually hiring (Meaning you don't own them since I wouldn't consider someone who owns a slave as having "Hired" them. Hired usually implies you don't own them as property. It could just mean that they work for you because they are poor (If this is the case this is no condemnation of slavery since it would mean they aren't a slave) However, if this is talking about voluntary slavery for example because they need money (I guess sure, here we can say they were "hired"), then all it means is you must pay the slave. It doesn't specify if you can hit the slave or how you can treat them during the duration of the slavery (using other verses - Exodus 21:20–21 we can assume you could probably beat the slave).
  
• Malachi 3:5: "So I will come to put you on trial. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive the foreigners among you of justice, but do not fear me," says the LORD Almighty. "defraud laborers of their wages" What I said about Deuteronomy 24:14-15 applies here as well. Only talking about paying a slave. This also obviously only applies to slaves who even get paid to begin with.
  
• Exodus 21:16 - "He who kidnaps a man and sells him, or if he is found in his hand, shall surely be put to death." This has nothing to do with slavery since its talking about kidnaping. Although "or if he is found in his hand" could mean being a slave. The problem is that its only seen as bad because the slave was kidnapped not because they are a literal slave that can be treated as property.
  
• Galatians 3:28: "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Some may say this verse is a direct condemnation of slavery since it mentions unity and equality among all believers in Christ, regardless of their social status or identity. However, it does not explicitly prohibit slavery. Because of the use of the phrase "For you are all one in Christ" I think its more reasonable to assume this only refers to spiritual equality since it never directly addresses or outlaws the physical practice of slavery. This is even more notable when compared with other explicit biblical commandments, such as "Thou shalt not kill" (Exodus 20:13 and Deuteronomy 5:17), which clearly forbid certain actions. The fact that there is no unequivocal commandment against slavery in a book which is meant to tell you what's right and wrong says a lot. Mix this in with explicit instructions found in other verses on the treatment of slaves and the absence of a direct prohibition against the practice of slavery, it is obvious that the Bible permits slavery within its social and legal frameworks. Slavery was common back then however the problem is that bible accepts that and never condemns it. It would be like if murder was wide spread so the bible never condemned it and told you how to commit it.
  

Counterarguments

• Slavery was different back then
  No it wasn't. This is clearly evident by the way slaves were talked about. When the Bible says things like "for the slave is his money" "severely punished" (Remember, Exodus 21:20–21 allows beating a person nearly to death without consequence, as long as the victim survives a couple of days.) "just as you would obey Christ" it sounds a lot like the obedience expected and punishments given in 19th century/modern slavery. When you hear things like this its clear slavery in the Bible was very similar to 19th century slavery in which humans beings were treated as merely property just with some extra restrictions.
  
• Even if the bible doesn't condemn slavery it doesn't mean it supports it
  Imagine if the Bible never told you murder was bad and in fact told you how to participate in it. "You may only stab the legs and arms, never the heart." Its the exact same with slavery. By not condemning it and instead offering instructions on participation, it essentially amounts to support. Or else I don't know why it talks so much about buying, owning, and beating slaves.
  
• The use of "bondsmen" in the literal language is not a slave.
  In Hebrew, the original language of the Old Testament, the word for "slave" initially meant "Bondsmen". The term 'ebhedh,' commonly found in the Old Testament, translates to "the ordinary slave," whether foreign (e.g., Genesis 43:18; 44:9,33; Leviticus 25:44,46) or Hebrew (e.g., Leviticus 25:42; 2 Kings 4:1). Its like calling a car an "Automobile." Different word same meaning. Also, some people say this means debt slaves. However even if they were debt slaves, they were still slaves and could be treated as such. I don't see how being a debt slave makes anything better. For servant which is "a person who performs duties for others, especially a person employed in a house on domestic duties" it could indeed refer to something other the slavery. However judging off the contexts in which this word is often used, its usually indicative of actual slavery (for example replace the word "slave" with servant here Leviticus 25:44–46).
  
• Being a debt slave is better then being poor
  This is offering a horrible alternative for another horrible alternative. In fact, being poor may have been better. Debt slavery removes your control over your own life. You're forced to work to pay off the debt, probably under harsh conditions and with little to no control over your work. That's like if I saved someone from burning alive (poverty) by drowning them (Debt slavery).
  
• You can have slaves Ethically
  How can you have slaves ethically when they are your property, you own them, can beat them till near death, and can sell them? just the fact alone the Bible allows for you to own a person is obviously contradictory to other passages (James 2:8-9).
  
• Interpretations vary
  Sure, however they vary mostly on metaphorical verses. They don't however vary as much for something like "Thou shalt not kill" do they? Leviticus 25:44–46 Exodus 21:2–6 Exodus 21:20–21
  
• It was common back then/Historical context
  Just because it was common doesn't make it right. Does the bible bend to what is socially acceptable even if its morally wrong and goes against all of gods principles? Doesn't god surpass humans in knowledge as well as morality? God doesn't support slavery according to principles yet there are passages (Exodus 21:20–21) where god himself directly explains how to manage slaves and definitely not ethically. Imagine if god never condemned murder but actively told people how to properly murder someone.
  
• Reddit counter argument I found to Exodus Exodus 21:20–21:
  This verse is always ripped from it's context because it can be made to sound like permission to beat a slave "When men quarrel and one strikes the other with a stone or with his fist and the man does not die but takes to his bed, then if the man rises again and walks outdoors with his staff, he who struck him shall be clear; only he shall pay for the loss of his time, and shall have him thoroughly healed. Exodus 21:18-19
  

What is happening here is a law exists that requires that if people fight and one is caused to be injured, that the offender pays for the time the other can't work. V20 is an exception since the slaves work is already for the benefit of the owner. The time lost is already at the cost of the owner. So no payment needs to be made.
Also, other laws are still in affect. As we can see in v20 if the slave dies he is to be avenged.
Also, if the slave is injured in a permanent way such as losing a tooth, he is likely to go free as we can see just a few verses later
"When a man strikes the eye of his slave, male or female, and destroys it, he shall let the slave go free because of his eye. If he knocks out the tooth of his slave, male or female, he shall let the slave go free because of his tooth. Exodus 21:26-27
So this verse is in no way permission to beat a slave as it is often claimed."
My Counter Argument: This context does NOT disprove that Exodus 21:20-21 allows for the beating of a slave but just talks about how the laws sought to regulate behavior including how slaves should be treated by creating certain restrictions and penalties. Regardless of the extra context, when we combine Exodus 21:20-21 in light of the surrounding verses, it's clear that while yes, there was a legal framework that acknowledged the value of a slave's life (by requiring the avenging of a slave's death) it also shows a clear societal hierarchy where slaves were regarded as property. "If the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be avenged, for the slave is his money" obviously this implies a degree of leniency towards the owner's actions, again reflecting that slave-owner relationship. These laws attempt to balance the interests of slave owners with certain protections for slaves, albeit its still within a system that inherently lacked equality. The context only sets forth the conditions under which physical discipline could occur, alongside the penalties or lack thereof, depending on the outcome of such actions. This argument attempts to frame the passage as merely a legal technicality where it doesn't support slaves being beat. However the fact still remains that a slave owner could beat their slave with enough severity to necessitate days of recovery without significant consequence. Again, when you never condemn something even if it obviously goes against all your morals, it says a lot. You have permission to beat your slave, just to an extend (Near death) Also, once again, lets not forget that this verse is part of the Mosaic Law, given by God himself to Moses to relay to the Israelites regarding the treatment of slaves.

Conclusion

The Bible not only never condemns slavery, but also supports it.
When you consider the prevalence of slavery in biblical times and its direct contradiction with the core moral teachings of the Bible you would expect it to be littered with passages unequivocally condemning such a widely recognized evil practice. But instead, apart from never denouncing slavery, the Bible provides detailed instructions on managing and participating in it.
When juxtaposed with the Bible's explicit commandments against other immoral acts, this silence on slavery is very telling.
(I like murder analogy a lot) If the Bible never condemned murder but, instead, provided guidelines for permissible types of killing, we'd rightly conclude it condones violence. The same logic applies to slavery.

My online friend whom I fell in love with…We broke up today.
Hey guys, I need all the support and love. Please and thanks!
💙❤️💜💛💚
So gimme some of that good old virtual hugs! Send me the most loving quotes you got. Gimme some that sugary saccharine sappy vibes! I need it.
Listen you guys, my problem is that I’m too loyal for my own good. I love way too much. I try too hard to be like Usagi from Sailor Moon. Or rather Usagi is like me. Guys, I believe in one true love. Believe me, I ain’t doing it again! Because love hurts.
A little bit about me, I’m an idiot. Number two I’m an softie. Number three, I’ve dealt with more heartbreak than anything. But this is my first romantic heartbreak!
Long story short, our tragic love story started on January 20th, 2024. He requested to chat with me. I said yes. I didn’t fall in love with him immediately. To me romance and love takes time. But I began to fall for him. He was really smart and kind. I thought I was special to him. I thought he was special. But then today it was hard for him to wait for me. I understand. I live miles away. But at the same time I thought we were going to be something special.
I stood up for him online when people were being rude.
I called him out for not being loyal. I should not have done that. That’s what I get for being like Sailor Moon. However, I was stupid to expect so much from him. Yes, I was stupid. Yes, I told him my real first name, which state I lived in, and shared photos and videos of my real face. Yes, I am a big fat moron.
I say goodbye with Sailor moon sad pic the one where she in the balcony. I was about to delete my Reddit account, but the system won’t let me. It must be a sign from an angel.
I was about to add a message “My line is open. God wanted me to stay”. But he blocked on everything. Ugh….😩
What the?! I was about to tell him that my line was open just in case. Just in case, he wanted to speak to me again.
I was crying all day. We’ve only know each other for three months! THREE MONTHS! It ended before anything happened!
But it hurts. It hurts dammit! 😢 I wish he hadn’t blocked me. I deleted my instagram pics because I felt stupid.
Again I know I’m at fault for being so loyal. I hurt myself. I’m my worst enemy. I was too kind for my own good. Sometimes, I wish my life were like a sitcom. The happy kind of sitcom where every single time there’s a happy ending.
I miss my friend already!! 😭 Why does this always happen to me!? Adding onto this, I remained loyal through and through. I did not talk to any other dudes. That’s just the way I am.
Thank-you, beautiful people ! All you sad people who had their hearts crushed! You all are beautiful you hear me?! Beautiful!
So in Sailor Moon fashion! “Moon Crisis Power! Make UP!” Lend me your strength and kindness! I really need it. 🦋🦋🌷🌷🌷🦋🌷🌷🌷🦋🦋🦋
No private messages please. No slipping in my DMs unless you are the one I’m talking about! When I do get those messages I get unsolicited yucky messages! I maybe stupid, but not that stupid to jump to another relationship!
I believe in what Usagi said “You are my first love, my only love... Even if we're reborn in another life, we'll find each other, and then we'll fall in love again." I’m going to stand by my strong morals.

My girlfriend have been together for almost 3 years, and have been toxic since two months into our relationship. I met her on tinder. She was in her last few months of a nursing program in the local college in my town, but was originally from a town two hours away.
She’s Indian, I’m half Black half white.
Anyways we continued to talk on tinder and couple weeks later met up in person where we really hit it off. She let me know right away that she had to go back home for awhile after school and that her parents probably wouldn’t approve of me because I’m black and don’t have a degree (first red flag), even though I come from a good household and make good money as a tradesman.
Because of this, we both approached it as a fling at first, but quickly fell in love and became a serious relationship within weeks. Two months later, she had to leave. We handled it well at first and it wasn’t too toxic yet, until one late night, probably 2 weeks after going back home, she FaceTimed me with marks on her face claiming to have been beat by her parents. I came to her rescue right away.
It was late as we were driving back to my place and I was starting to get tired, so I let her know I was going to pull over on the highway to get some sleep, but she insisted on driving as she was worried her parents were following us. I stupidly let her, and she ended up crashing my car. Turns out she had alcohol in her system as well, and she was arrested for drunk driving. She went back home shortly after so her parents could give her car interlock, and ever since then (the past two years or so) we’ve been mostly long distance, besides a couple of months when she rebelliously ran from home, but ultimately ended up going back.
The long distance has been hard on me, she’s a very rare beauty that I assume many admire, and has given me no reason to be secure in the relationship at all. She always tells me about guys sexually assaulting her both in the past and present, being a sex worker in the past, going into detail and everything. The amount she’s explained these times it’s almost hard to believe her, except she is gorgeous so I do believe it. I’m already naturally jealous though, so this information really selfishly impacts me deeply at times.
This is the part where I become toxic. I’m so into this girl that I’ve been traumatized by her. Her leaving me for so long, giving me dates on when she’s coming back to me and ending up staying home instead with excuse after excuse, telling me about guys harassing and obsessing over her but playing it off like she’s innocent, cheating on me multiple times that I know of, lying to me all the time and I’m still somehow with her. My toxic trait is the obsession.
Usually I would easily let a girl go after all this disrespect but I’m so physically attracted to her that I don’t even want to try to wife anyone else up. I’ve broken up with her so many times just to go back to her because despite all this toxicity, she’s always insisted on staying together and I feel like I’d be stupid to dump such a hot babe.
So yesterday was really bad. Since the last time she cheated on me (about a month ago), I’ve been trying to break up for good but still don’t have the balls to let her go. She went to a religious Indian event yesterday, didn’t message me all day until about 5pm when she claimed to have been sexually assaulted yet again. I blocked her on everything.
She ended up calling me with an extra instagram account she has that I forgot about, and went into detail about the assault, saying a guy embraced her back in a big crowd and was “hard as a rock”. I crashed out hearing this and started talking mad shit. I told her she’s brought stuff like this up so many times that I almost think she has a kink for it (I regret saying that),but her sister was there and I didn’t know. I heard her sister start talking shit about me the hang it up for her, and she hasn’t answered me since.
Who’s more in the wrong throughout our relationship? I feel it’s her, but at the same time I’ve stuck around for everything due to infatuation and definitely said some things I shouldn’t when I could’ve just manned up and left instead of putting someone down with my words. Just needed to vent, if anybody has some advice that’d be great.

Might need my tonsils removed so that’s a great start to the week 🥹👍🏽
Nah I’m being dramatic lol but I am in sooo much pain atm 😭
Since I’m off work and have nothing to do but feel sorry for myself lol i decided to come back on here and see if anyone wants to talk ?
I’m not really looking for anything in particular. Long or short term, I’m easy. lol
An overview of me is super boring tbh like I always say I love GOT, Star Wars, Marvel , to many shows I start and don’t finish , I’m an avid movie watcher. I play to much COD and read a lot of … romance books 😳 lmao
I mostly use discord . I usually would say I would love to send voice messages but I don’t think I can mange a lot of that 🥹 which is tragic for someone who doesn’t shut up lmao
Since I’m almost 30 (I don’t want to talk about 💀) I’m looking for people to talk to around my age 25-35.
Speak to you soon , Stay weird 🫶🏽🖤

Okay so I broke up with my x a couple months ago . He was in jail came out last month called me tried to hook up . I was down just for a hook up long story short he ended up dissing me telling me not to go over . (I think he was just trying to make me feel how he felt when I broke up w him ) . Whatever that’s fine I told him not to contact me again . Fast forward a week to a drunken day of mine I called him on fb msj . Got a lovely message back from him “leave me alone bitch “ … & from his new girl . She was insulting me calling me out my name and talking out her ass . Told her the only reason I called was because he hit me up right after he got out … blocked them moved on . 🤷🏻‍♀️ once I find out you with someone I will never want u . Anyways he tried to request a $1 on cash app a couple days later 😂 saying in the note part to come over and he will go half on a bottle “ (I ignored him ) . Got a lovely message from his girl the next day talking all this shit to leave her man alone and to stop bothering people in relationships 😂 when in fact “her man “ been bothering me !!! She’s oblivious and blindsided . I can’t help but feel sorry for her now . But she will see the real him one day . Anyways I guess he just got a new number and been trying to call me and when I would call back he lets it ring and doesn’t answer when I ask who’s this . (I looked up that number in cash app and I saw it was him ) . He ended up texting & calling me yesterday … I picked up and he asked if I missed him (I said no I don’t but I know you miss me ) just basically told him to leave me alone “bitch “ just as he called me . So my question is WHY , WHY IF HE has a whole girlfriend he’s happy there good , whyyy does he keep bothering me playing games with me . I came to accept we will never work out . It could never be in a healthy relationship with him . But I feel like he’s obsessed or something like leave me alone ? Why would a guy keep bothering someone while having a girl ?!!!!! I don’t understand

I dated a truly amazing Christian girl in my same discipline at my uni for about 3 months. Pulled out all of me for her and really tried to be the partner I wanted to be for someome because I thought I’d finally found the person after 2 years of short term dating since my first ltr to put my effort towards. This was her first dating experience and I really wanted to show her she was worth being treated special.
She was so open about appreciating everything about my thoughtfulness, gestures, and caring demeanor. Our only incompatibility was her extreme religious discourse towards sex. Mainly to the point that anything beyond making out was something that made her so anxious because it questioned her relationship with god.
I was actually so floored by how great she was that I told myself I was actually fine if I never got past making out with her because I just enjoyed her so much. The only department I would say I failed in is that I could not stop some of my actions from showing I was not always satisfied by only being able to makeout with her. I would tell her why openly, but I think it caused some confusing pressures for her. She ended up going past her own boundaries on her own by reaching for my dick and giving me a handjob one night, even after I cleared with her like 5+ times to check she was actually okay moving that way.
This whole incident was quickly overshadowed with her religious guilt and she ended up saying things were not going to work out between us, despite so many of her comments of how I was literally a guy out of a romance movie to her. I completely respect that she holds god at such a high priority in her life, but I personally cannot understand holding that supernatural power above literally finding your dream guy who is compatible with you in every way + feels the same way back.
I ended up taking it kinda hard and have made good strides to just move on. I genuinely was a week out from asking her to be my girlfriend if she didn’t 180 on me so fast. A friend I have opened up with texted me out of the blue today to tell me she is still openly gushing about me for like 30 minutes straight of only kind things and still being head over heels for me. But also still feels the same way about putting god first. I told my friend why it hurts to hear stuff like this because I already know I left a positive impact on her life and it hurts my move on process to have this brought up. I can’t help but feel a little upset to hear this person I still want nothing more than to be with feels the same way about me but won’t even entertain the idea.
I just need some validation that this is upsetting… I so badly want to try and convince her that she should find a way to make it work, but idk… I want to move on completely but I can’t help but still feel in love with her even nearly half a year later.
Tldr; religious girl I dated found her dream guy, pushed her own religious sexual boundaries, and called things off. She still holds me in such a high regard that she gushes about me for 30 minutes straight to some people about only good things she loves about me, and I can’t help but feel confused why she won’t just continue a relationship with me / holds god at such a high priority to give up such a special human connection

There was a radio announcement saying that the holy relic of Prophet Muhammad had been stolen from the Hazratbal shrine. This was a big shock. There was silence for quite some time in my home.
The radio was switched off and my grandmother, looking at the sky awash with flying burnt black paper, said, ‘What has happened is not good. Something terrible is going to take place.’ The distant noises of the mobs were still audible, and nobody knew what was going to happen.
The next day, all kinds of rumours spread — that the holy relic had already reached Pakistan; that some local politician had managed to steal it in order to overthrow the present Jammu and Kashmir government; and that it was a conspiracy to start a communal riot in the Valley, which would then spread all over India and create a chaotic situation in the subcontinent.
Some said that the relic had been taken by some influential person with the intention of showing it to some very eminent person before he passed away, as a blessing to him. All kinds of rumours circulated, and no one had any clue as to who had planted them all.
The situation deteriorated further, and curfew was imposed in certain parts of Srinagar. The shutdown continued for many days, and daily amenities grew scarce. People started hoarding articles for their day-to-day needs. The civil administration had completely collapsed, and people had taken administration into their own hands. Every morning, young volunteers from the Action Committee rode around on open tongas [horse-drawn vehicle], stopping at various crossings to shout ‘Hoshiyar, khabardar’ and announce the rates of each item, like sugar, salt, rice and oil.
These rates were binding on every citizen and every shopkeeper. Anyone who did not comply with these orders would have to face the punishment of the Action Committee, which had come up suddenly due to public reaction. This body was formed, headed and led by well-known religious personalities. These kinds of announcements would happen many times during the day.
Sometimes they were sprinkled with instructions to the general public to behave like brothers with each other. If anyone needed anything, the people of the area were to rise to the occasion and cooperate and support that individual. There were clear instructions to the people to maintain communal harmony and brotherhood with those of other faiths. Kashmir became a shining example of communal amity during these days of grief.
Within a few days, the peasantry from the countryside descended into the city of Srinagar, coming in thousands from all parts of the Valley, to mourn the theft of the Holy Relic. All roads and lanes were filled with ordinary village folk. The landscape of Srinagar City changed. There were community kitchens organised on all the main roads of the city.
Called susras and supported by different localities, these kitchens were part of an old tradition in Kashmir that brings the Kashmiri brotherhood to the fore. Most of the time, susras provide yellow rice, an auspicious grain for all Kashmiris, and with it, warm water for the people in the winter.
Every day, lakhs of people marched in planned processions from one end of the city to another, simultaneously with other processions in other parts of the Valley. These processions carried black flags and green flags as marks of mourning, sacrilege and fury.
Apart from normal Islamic slogans, there would be slogans about Hindu, Muslim and Sikh unity. All through the night, mosques recited Quranic verses for the thousands of people from the countryside who had come and camped in the city.
The mosques became shelters for these visitors by night, as it was a chilly winter and had snowed a few days back. I used to move freely within the city those days and see those thousands of village folks occupying nearly the whole city. The scenes were like those one sees in Russian documentaries showing the days of the Bolshevik Revolution when the peasantry marched into the city of Moscow to see for themselves the change after the czars’ rule.
Hushed conversations speculated on how events could suddenly take a turn and bring violence against minorities. There were rumours about communal riots and killings in Dhaka, then a part of East Pakistan, as a response to the happenings in Kashmir.
However, even when this news reached Kashmir, there was no adverse response among the public. The Kashmiri Pandit community responded to this loss of the Holy Relic by organising a procession in solidarity with the Muslims.
The march began from my mohalla at the Sheetal Nath grounds, the epicentre of Kashmiri Pandit politics. Some of us young teenagers were tasked with leading the procession and shouting slogans. I loved doing this. A couple of thousand Pandits joined this important procession as a mark of solidarity with our Kashmiri Muslim brothers. This procession moved slowly with a few black flags and a solitary saffron flag in the lead.
When we crossed into the Muslim localities there was a surprise, even disbelief. We were shouting slogans like ‘Marenge ek saath, jiyenge ek saath [We will die together, we will live together]’; ‘Moye-Muqaddas Pak ko wapas karo aye zalimon [Return Moye-Muqaddas to us, O tormentors]’; and ‘Hindu Muslim ittehad, zindabad, zindabad [Long live union of Hindus and Muslims]’. The moment we reached Habba Kadal, we saw that a community kitchen had already sprung up on the roadside. There the Muslim volunteers, moved upon seeing us, came with warm water and yellow rice to feed us.
Some of the elders blessed us. I remember some men with moist eyes hugging us. After a small break, the procession moved on towards the downtown area where we were very encouraged by the response. People came from the mosques to watch our procession and lined up along the road. At one point, as we raised slogans, all the people on the roadside joined in.
On reaching Khanaka-i-Moulla, near the Shah Hamdan Shrine, I saw women watching us from their windows with their hands raised in prayer to the Almighty. One could see that this procession had glued the two communities closer in their mutual sharing of pain. A little further on, an elderly Muslim gentleman got so emotional and excited when he saw our procession that he screamed ‘Naara-e-Takbeer!’
Our whole procession responded, ‘Allah-hu-Akbar!’ The poor man couldn’t believe his ears and did not know how to respond, but he kept walking with us until some point near Navid Kadal, where he left us.
We moved on and entered the area of Mirwaiz. Pandits used to call this area Pakistan, but I don’t know why. For Pandits, entering this area was like walking into enemy territory, probably because of unfounded suspicions formed over the years. This time our procession had no fear. Here again, we were stopped by people and offered warm water as the chill in the air had grown very bitter.
Thousands of Muslims from all walks of life watched us in silence, but in their eyes, one could see the message: ‘We appreciate and respect this gesture of yours.’ In the late evening, when I reached home, I saw my grandmother, who had worried about me all day. All her four sons and their families had reached home, except me. When I entered the home, all were waiting for me. There was a long silence, and I felt the weight of it.
Finally, my grandmother asked me, ‘What did you do all day?’ When I started narrating my story, she cut me short and asked my mother to give me some food as I must be hungry and tired. After finishing my dinner, I bid goodnight to my grandmother, and she blessed me…
She used to wake me up at four in the morning by banging her walking stick against the ceiling of her room on the ground floor. My bedroom was right upstairs. I had to reply with bangs on the floor back, confirming that I had woken up to study. Immediately after waking up, I would make tea for her and myself. I would come down with her cup of tea, and only then would she be satisfied that I was really up.
After that, I had to rush and get pure milk from the traditional milkman. Grandma had an ulcer, which used to give her acute pain, and the doctor had advised her to take a lot of cold milk for it. And I, as a good grandson, took on the responsibility of getting up very early in the morning to fetch the milk for her. It was after all this that I would finally settle in at about five in the darkness of the winter months to study.
That day, when I took leave of her, she said, ‘From tomorrow, you will start your serious studies, and if you follow what I ask you to do, then I will give you five rupees to watch a talkie…’
At about seven [while returning], when it was still very dark because it was winter, I suddenly heard my father scream, ‘Lightning has fallen!’ He screamed again, ‘She’s gone!’ The family members, now alerted, were all at her bedside. Yes, Benjagari, my grandmother, had left us forever.
Excerpted with permission from 'Before I Forget' (published by Penguin Books India)
https://www.msn.com/en-in/news/othewhen-kashmiri-pandits-walked-in-solidarity-with-muslims-in-srinagaar-AA1nOUXa

Hello. I think my SP has been trying to contact me through fake accounts.But I'm not sure and I'm also not sure why they would.
First account: Same nationality as SP, similar interests and professional field. I talked to this one more and it sends me images of their hands and same laptop sp has. It would flirt with me but I didn't flirt back because it was claiming to be a person much younger than me. Account would message me at odd times, like me and SP would have a real world interaction (like a meeting), SP would stare at me and afterwards that account would message me. Calling me sexy. I blocked it. I suspected this was SP and asked if it was - it called not to be but then would text me as described above and claim would be with me soon. Just had to "sort out stuff". It always seemed to go extra hard on punctuation like ending every sentence with "." And it wrote like sp in other ways and this seemed like intentional to "throw of the scent" because sometimes it would end with "." And the style would seem like SP.
Second account Claimed to be a person with a different nationality. But liked same music and followed accounts of sp's nationality. Claimed to be an admirer of mine. And all the language used had a similar vibe to acc 1. Also claimed to be an admirer of mine. Blocked this one too. Had similar number of followers as the first account but some of them were like... Things id associated with SP. I blocked this account really fast.
Now both accounts closed/deleted.
Third Account Claiming to be another person from a different nationality, that reached out to me, to ask me basically how to contact SP. This accounts tagline say "no more fake id please". Also following accounts associated with SP ( like following our place of works' Instagram, accounts of his national language, accounts of his previous workplace etc). This accounts started by asking me things about my life, and calling me 'dealove" and then bothering me to ask me for information about how to work with us but I don't have that information. They essentially asked how to apply for the role that SP would directly work with, and basically the required me to have to get me to give them SPs contact information. Asking me about requirements but it's not my job. Saying then they email my SP and the office and got invited for interview next day which would have been highly unlikely because I know that process takes 1-2 weeks at least. I made a comment that was based on something key SP said to me that day and this account asked if I was busy. This account ends almost every sentence with "*". Same account 1.
In real life SP has asked me to support him for a promotion application. And our mutual friends have said things to me like "oh you look cute today like you are going to solve the mystery" etc
I plan on blocking this account to cause if it is SP they can contact me directly. But my guy says this is sp. Has anyone experienced this?
I'm aware I've manifested this, but in-between account 2-3 I had a lot of movement irl.

Hello! I'm back at it again, and with that I must say I am not replacing any current partners, just looking for more! As someone who is 18+, I only RP with people 18+, no exceptions, so please don't message me if you're under!
I'm interested in doing something either Canon/Canon (Mostly MxM ships, although I have a few FXF and FXM ships I'm interested in!) or non-romance with Canon characters. I am not overly looking for OCs right now, but I'm open to hearing out any ideas people have to see if it would be something I'd be interested in doing! I would be more interested in playing something with clones or jedi/padawan characters for ocs! If you have any ships you're interested in doing, send them off to me, and I'll let you know if I'm down!
The RPS I do are mostly romance-based, with the main focus being on the character relationships, so if that isn't your thing, I am not the best fit for you! I have a few non-romance plots/ideas I'm interested in, still with a focus on characters and their relationships with each other (platonic and familial).
In terms of era/things I've been itching to do, I would love RP anything set in the Prequel/Clone Wars/rebels era! I've also been super interested in rping something based around the bad batch. After watching the new episodes I've been itching to do something with it!! I'd possibly be interested in exploring something post Empire as well, sort of in that...messy in-between stage.
In general, I'm usually pretty happy playing around with any era aside from the sequel era stuff (meaning I am not interested in playing or playing against any sequels characters! Not my cup of tea.) I'm always a bit partial to the Clone Wars/rebels Era, though, if I'm being honest lol.
Plot-wise, I'd love to come up with something together! I find it much easier to find a balance where everyone feels happy that way. If you have an idea you've been itching to do, drop it in the chat, and I'll let you know if I'm feeling it! Otherwise, I'd love to hash something out.
One idea I had for a non-romance rp surrounded Jango and Boba, following their little adventures as Jango raised him on Kamino, showed him how to be a bounty hunter, etc. Something really wholesome and family-centered. I love the idea of digging more into how Jango was as a dad, and I really wish we got to see more of them outside of the comics!
As I stated before, I'd also love to write something revolving around the Bad Batch, maybe a little adventure they go on, maybe a "What if" Au. Who knows!
In terms of technical stuff, I write in the third person typically, and I tend to write 1–4 paragraphs per reply (though I can write much more or less. I try to match.) I'd be open to a much more fast-paced rp with the one exception: No one-liners, please. I don't expect a novel, but I do want more than just one sentence. I need enough content to reply to!
Spiel out of the way; I hope this caught someone's eye! Feel free to send me a chat (I usually don't see comments, so chats are preferable) with any ideas you have for ships/ocs/plots if you're interested! If the post is still up, I'm still looking, so don't be shy!

Hello! I'm back at it again, and with that I must say I am not replacing any current partners, just looking for more! As someone who is 18+, I only RP with people 18+, no exceptions, so please don't message me if you're under!
I'm interested in doing something either Canon/Canon (Mostly MxM ships, although I have a few FXF and FXM ships I'm interested in!) or non-romance with Canon characters. I am not overly looking for OCs right now, but I'm open to hearing out any ideas people have to see if it would be something I'd be interested in doing! I would be more interested in playing something with clones or jedi/padawan characters for ocs! If you have any ships you're interested in doing, send them off to me, and I'll let you know if I'm down!
The RPS I do are mostly romance-based, with the main focus being on the character relationships, so if that isn't your thing, I am not the best fit for you! I have a few non-romance plots/ideas I'm interested in, still with a focus on characters and their relationships with each other (platonic and familial).
In terms of era/things I've been itching to do, I would love RP anything set in the Prequel/Clone Wars/rebels era! I've also been super interested in rping something based around the bad batch. After watching the new episodes I've been itching to do something with it!! I'd possibly be interested in exploring something post Empire as well, sort of in that...messy in-between stage.
In general, I'm usually pretty happy playing around with any era aside from the sequel era stuff (meaning I am not interested in playing or playing against any sequels characters! Not my cup of tea.) I'm always a bit partial to the Clone Wars/rebels Era, though, if I'm being honest lol.
Plot-wise, I'd love to come up with something together! I find it much easier to find a balance where everyone feels happy that way. If you have an idea you've been itching to do, drop it in the chat, and I'll let you know if I'm feeling it! Otherwise, I'd love to hash something out.
One idea I had for a non-romance rp surrounded Jango and Boba, following their little adventures as Jango raised him on Kamino, showed him how to be a bounty hunter, etc. Something really wholesome and family-centered. I love the idea of digging more into how Jango was as a dad, and I really wish we got to see more of them outside of the comics!
As I stated before, I'd also love to write something revolving around the Bad Batch, maybe a little adventure they go on, maybe a "What if" Au. Who knows!
In terms of technical stuff, I write in the third person typically, and I tend to write 1–4 paragraphs per reply (though I can write much more or less. I try to match.) I'd be open to a much more fast-paced rp with the one exception: No one-liners, please. I don't expect a novel, but I do want more than just one sentence. I need enough content to reply to!
Spiel out of the way; I hope this caught someone's eye! Feel free to send me a chat (I usually don't see comments, so chats are preferable) with any ideas you have for ships/ocs/plots if you're interested! If the post is still up, I'm still looking, so don't be shy!

# Today In Phishstory - April 29th Brought to you by tiph-bot. Beep.
All data extracted via The Phishnet API.

Phish

Phish, Friday 04/29/1994 (30 years ago) Boatyard Village Pavilion, Clearwater, FL, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1994 Spring Tour
Set 1 : Halley's Comet , You Enjoy Myself ¹ > Fast Enough for You > Scent of a Mule , The Sloth , Divided Sky , I Didn't Know ² , Dog Faced Boy , Split Open and Melt ³ > Sanity > My Mind's Got a Mind of its Own > Llama
Set 2 : Suzy Greenberg > Maze , If I Could , Reba ⁴ , Fee ⁵ > Uncle Pen , Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove , I Wan'na Be Like You > Hold Your Head Up , Cavern
Encore : Fire
1 No vocal jam. 2 Fish on Madonna washboard. 3 Unfinished. 4 Simpsons signal. 5 Trey sang verses through megaphone.
Jamchart Notes:
You Enjoy Myself - Crazy, very strange version. (No B&D; or VJ.) Nice segue into "FEFY."
Fast Enough for You - Though not perfect, Trey gets paid by the note in this one, including during its mighty peak and conclusion.
Split Open and Melt - Excellent variation in the playing, including a nice quiet section, dissonance, pounding, and an amusing section with the band members all yelling "Yee Haw!!" No real ending but instead a > to "Sanity."
Fee - All band members play a flurry of notes several times before the > to "Uncle Pen."
Mike's Song - A typically fiery, intense '94 1st jam breaks into great rhythmic, medium intensity playing, which mellows into some super melodic Trey-led jamming with hints of "MLB." Collapsing to drums, the jamming returns to "Mike's" proper to conclude.
Show Notes:
There was no vocal jam in YEM, as the song melted into FEFY. I Didn't Know featured Fish on Madonna washboard. Split Open included teases of Ice Ice Baby and was unfinished. Sanity was played for the first time since May 17, 1992 (202 shows). Reba contained a Simpsons signal. Trey sang the verses of Fee through a megaphone.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Thursday 04/29/1993 (31 years ago) Le Spectrum, Montréal, Québec, , Canada
Gap Chart, Tour: 1993 WinteSpring Tour
Set 1 : Split Open and Melt , Uncle Pen , The Sloth , Runaway Jim , Horn > Llama , Glide , Rift , Fee ¹ , Run Like an Antelope
Set 2 : Chalk Dust Torture , It's Ice > Ya Mar ² , Mound , Big Ball Jam > Reba , Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove -> Makisupa Policeman -> Weekapaug Groove , Hold Your Head Up > Terrapin > Hold Your Head Up , The Squirming Coil
Encore : My Friend, My Friend ³ , Sweet Adeline
1 Trey sang verses through megaphone. 2 Funny stage banter as Trey tried to bring "Leo" in too early. 3 Beginning featured Trey on acoustic guitar.
Jamchart Notes:
Run Like an Antelope - Rocking version includes a brief jam on Pink Floyd's "Money" (4:45 - 5:20) followed by fantastic, very exploratatory jamming. Intense conclusion to the jam with Trey just shredding away.
Mike's Song - The strong 1st jam includes jamming that hints at "Crossroads," before breaking into a repetitive, grundge-like Mike and Fish-led groove. The 2nd jam sounds very much like an early stab at what would evolve into "Simple" the following year, played atop a similar groove to the 1st jam, and then ends in a ripping and intense manner.
Weekapaug Groove - Excellent jam with Theme From Bonanza and "NICU" teases, as well as strong and unusual melodic content -> to the first "Makisupa" in 320 shows (last seen on 11/26/90) before -> back to "Weekapaug."
Makisupa Policeman - -> in from "Weekapaug." "Makisupa" makes its first appearance in 320 shows (last seen on 11/26/90), amidst a strong "Weekapaug." -> back to "Weekapaug."
Weekapaug Groove - -> in from the first "Makisupa" in 320 shows. This section includes great "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" ("CYHMK") teases, exploratory jamming and a shredding peak. All in all, another great '93 "Weekapaug."
Show Notes:
Some of the fans cheered the mention of Quebec during Fee, which featured Trey singing the verses through a megaphone. Antelope included a brief jam on Pink Floyd's Money and a tease of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy by Page. Chalk Dust contained Money and Lazy (Deep Purple) teases from Trey. Ya Mar contained an I Can't Turn You Loose tease from Page and funny stage banter as Trey tried to bring "Leo" in too early. Page teased Gimme Some Lovin' in Mound. Sanity was teased in Reba. Hydrogen included a tease of Jingle Jangle Jingle, with a bassline somewhat akin to Happy Trails. Weekapaug included the theme from Bonanza and Can't You Hear Me Knocking teases from Page and an NICU tease from Trey. Fish dedicated Terrapin to his friends from Burlington who made the trip to see the band. Makisupa was played for the first time since November 26, 1990 (323 shows). The beginning of My Friend featured Trey on acoustic guitar. Mike teased the Beverly Hillbillies theme in the soundcheck's Reggae Jam.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Wednesday 04/29/1992 (32 years ago) First Avenue, Minneapolis, MN, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1992 Spring Tour
Set 1 : Suzy Greenberg , Foam , Sparkle > It's Ice > Runaway Jim , Guelah Papyrus , Rift , Bouncing Around the Room , Take the 'A' Train > David Bowie > Secret Language Instructions ¹ > David Bowie ²
Set 2 : The Landlady > Possum ³ , Mound > The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony > Llama , The Lizards , Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove , Cold as Ice > Love You > Cold as Ice , Golgi Apparatus
Encore : Horn > Rocky Top
1 Simpsons, Turn Turn Turn, All Fall Down, and Random Note signals introduced. 2 Simpsons signal. 3 Random Note signal.
Jamchart Notes:
It's Ice - Another good organ rocker with great Mike.
Show Notes:
Trey teased Dixie in Foam. 'A' Train contained Stash, Yield Not to Temptation, and Sailor's Hornpipe teases. Mike teased 'A'Train prior to the Secret Language Instructions. The Instructions contained a "Charge!" tease from Page and featured Simpsons, Turn Turn Turn, All Fall Down, and Random Note signal introductions. Bowie contained a Simpsons signal after the Instructions and Possum included a Random Note signal. Weekapaug included a Raspberry Beret tease.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Sunday 04/29/1990 (34 years ago) Woodbury Ski& Racquet Club, Woodbury, CT, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1990 Tour
Set 1 : Carolina , Possum , Ya Mar , You Enjoy Myself , Dinner and a Movie > Bouncing Around the Room , Uncle Pen , Divided Sky , Fluffhead > Walk Away , Love You > Hold Your Head Up , The Lizards , Fire
Show Notes:
Fluffhead was a birthday dedication to "Sarah." Walk Away featured Trey and Mike on the trampolines. HYHU was played for the first time since March 1, 1989 (167 shows).
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, 1989-04-29 The Living Room, Providence, RI, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/phish-april-29-1989-the-living-room-providence-ri-usa.html
Tour: 1989 Tour
Show Notes:
Phish, Wednesday 04/29/1987 (37 years ago) Nectar's, Burlington, VT, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1987 Tour
Set 1 : She Caught the Katy and Left Me a Mule to Ride , Alumni Blues > Letter to Jimmy Page > Alumni Blues , Golgi Apparatus , Swing Low, Sweet Chariot , Fire , Skin It Back -> Cities , Lushington
Set 2 : Dog Log , Melt the Guns -> Dave's Energy Guide , Take the 'A' Train ¹ , Halley's Comet > Quinn the Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn) > AC/DC Bag
Set 3 : Peaches en Regalia > Fluffhead , Good Times Bad Times , Anarchy , Makisupa Policeman -> Run Like an Antelope , Boogie On Reggae Woman , Timber (Jerry the Mule) ² , Slave to the Traffic Light > Sparks > McGrupp and the Watchful Hosemasters > The Ballad of Curtis Loew ² , Come On (Part One) ² , I Am Hydrogen -> Who Do? We Do!
Encore : Fuck Your Face ³
1 First known Phish performance; Jeff Friedberg on saxophone. 2 First known Phish performance. 3 Debut.
Jamchart Notes:
Makisupa Policeman - This version features a short jam with nice interplay between Page on the organ and Trey starting after 2:30; it's lilting and pretty. Then it sort of plods along for a few minutes, but a nice second jam emerges at about 5:30. Good -> "Antelope," too.
Timber (Jerry the Mule) - Debut. First version includes a four minute jam before the final verse with that familiar dark vibe to it.
McGrupp and the Watchful Hosemasters - Another early version with a jam following the lyrics and composed sections. This one is quite rocking and has a great vibe to it.
Show Notes:
This show featured the debut of Fuck Your Face and the first known Phish performances of Take the 'A' Train, Timber (Jerry), The Ballad of Curtis Loew, and Come On (Part One). 'A' Train featured Jeff Friedberg on saxophone. The Fuck Your Face debut was in dispute for many years, though the Phish.com setlist file seems to confirm that the song was indeed performed on this date.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, 1986-04-29 University of Vermont, Burlington, VT, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/phish-april-29-1986-university-of-vermont-burlington-vt-usa.html
Tour: 1986 Tour
Show Notes: The Earth Day show that had circulated with this date actually occurred on April 25, 1986 according to a Burlington Free Press article.

Trey Anastasio

Trey Anastasio Band, 2019-04-29 Brooklyn Bowl, Brooklyn, NY, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-april-29-2019-brooklyn-bowl-brooklyn-ny-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes:
Trey Anastasio Trio, 2018-04-29 Terminal West, Atlanta, GA, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-april-29-2018-terminal-west-atlanta-ga-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: This performance, billed as "Sustain," was in memory of Chris Cottrell, and benefited the WaterWheel Cancer Fund.
Trey Anastasio Band, 2017-04-29 Stubb's Waller Creek Amphitheater, Austin, TX, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-april-29-2017-stubbs-waller-creek-amphitheater-austin-tx-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: This show featured the TAB debuts of On the Road Again and Work Song. The horns teased Happy Birthday in On the Road Again, which was performed on Willie Nelson's birthday. Trey teased On the Road Again in Gotta Jibboo. In the soundcheck, Trey teased Rocky Mountain Way before Speak To Me and Iron Man before Rise/Come Together.
Trey Anastasio Band, 2005-04-29 Tom Lee Park, Memphis, TN, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-april-29-2005-tom-lee-park-memphis-tn-usa.html
Tour: TAB - 70 Volt Parade Spring 2005 Tour
Show Notes: This performance was part of the Beale Street Music Festival. Due to rain, this set began with a lengthy sequence of songs (Chalk Dust Torture through Waste) performed solo, acoustic by Trey.

Other

Gov't Mule, 2006-04-29 University of Vermont, Burlington, VT, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/guest-appearance-april-29-2006-university-of-vermont-burlington-vt-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: Mike sat in with Gov't Mule for "Banks of the Deep End." This show was part of UVM's Springfest.
Everyone Orchestra, 2004-04-29 McDonald Theatre, Eugene, OR, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/guest-appearance-april-29-2004-mcdonald-theatre-eugene-or-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: This gig was a benefit for the Pangaea Project, and featured music, poetry, and multimedia presentations. Two sets of largely improvised music were performed by multiple combinations of musicians, including an improvisational exercise led by Kai Ekhardt and full Everyone Orchestra jams conducted by Tye North. The main participants for the two shows were: Fish (drums); Tony Furtado (banjo, guitar); Kai Ekhardt (bass); Maya Dorn (vocals, guitar); Libby Kirkpatrick (vocals, guitar); Jans Ingber (hand drums, vocals); Matt Butler (drums, vocals); Julia Butterfly Hill (poetry); Tye North (conducter, bass, guitar); John Whooley (saxophone); Damian Erskine (bass); Asher Fulero (keyboards, DJ); and Scott Law (guitar). Special guests for this performance were Stephen Kent (didgeridoo) and Merry Prankster Ken Babbs (poetry, trombone).

Me and my girlfriend broke up last week and its really hard.. Our main issue was time. We would only hang out as a couple once a month and also call once a month. Not because it was planned out but simply because i'd text her saying I feel disconnected and then we'd plan it out.
At some point, It almost felt like spending time together or calling was something she did for me rather than for us. we go to the same school and we live 1h30 away from each other and having quality time as my top love language I was more than ready to get to her house, wait for her outside classes and hang out anytime. But she was always tired or busy even during the breaks.
As a neurotypical, I tried my best to learn as much as I can about autism. communication differences, misinterpretations between us, burn out... I watched a lot of videos and read a lot. I really wanted to try and see things from her perspective and understand her struggles but I felt so incredibly lonely and disconnected from her bc we werent hanging out and she'd never have time for me or take hours to reply to messages (in which id anxiously wait).
I started trying to distance myself emotionally bc the wait for us to spend time together and actually connect was hurtful, but then id feel bad and communicate my frustration with us not spending time together but we had no solution again and again. I felt lonely and she said I don't understand her struggles.
**note 1: we were hanging out and calling A LOT as friends but Im guessing she was probably masking in some way and this is why that was not what I was getting in the relationship?
**note 2: we are college students and she also works
Either ways this is over and we both agree its for the best bc we cant make each other happy. But I just wanna have yall insight on that and how I couldve showed up better for her if there's anything more I could've done.

IDK where to start this story is a long one :). I'm 38M, I've been living in the States for over 8 and a half years now. Originally from a Latin country and what I think a completely dysfunctional family.
Mom for pregnant at 19, I never knew my real dad or any of his family, they just never showed up in my life (or at least that's what I've been told all these years and that's a taboo that I don't touch so I don't make my mom feel uncomfortable). Surprisingly enough I didn't know anything until I was 9yo that I was asking why my sister had a last name different than mine, what a surprise discovering that "my dad" (my sister's) was not my blood dad, damn I could never forget that day and the ones that followed.
On top of that my family very poor and all smokers , something that I was always fighting for then not to smoke inside of the house; and then my uncle with some mental health issues the aggressive retarded one, sole people in the family used to be scared of him. I can't forget those days of him fighting or intimidating my granda or even us cousins.
Childhood was difficult case we were also very poor, so that too. I came to live with maternal grandma when Mom and my dad (my sister's) when I was 12yo although I lived in the same town as my mom and used to see her almost every day. Pretty much everyone but my grandpa and grandma (who were out of this world, mainly my grandma, God know I miss her every day) had inferiority complex issues, like really bad till this day although I have prohibited such childish behaviors when talking to me and any kind of gossip about anyone.
Thanks God I was always good at school and had the best scores; I went to military highschool and university following my "dad" steps until around he died when I was 19 and I realized that this is no the life I want. I dropped university then went to military service which was mandatory in my country, and right away a girlfriend I had got pregnant, I was then 20 and had a big fight with my mom because she said that I was screwed for life and that I wasn't going to finish the university. I told her "I will have my baby, I will study, I will graduate and then I will slam the diploma on your face".
A few years went by, I had my daughter, I finished the military service then started working and studying then finished my bachelor and graduated in the and started to work in the IT field. But never stoped studying languages, English, French and then Italian. i divorced from my daughter's mom after 6 years but left things in food standin and used to visit my daughter every other day and pick her up on the weekends cause she lived back then pretty close in the same town.
I started dating my Italian teacher and we ended up getting married (it's been 10 years now and I still love her like the first day) and some how had the opportunity to come to the States the hard way, coming all the way from Ecuador crossing every single one of those countries.
My wife came with me but she didn't have to follow that same route cause he had a EU passport (and thanks God for that), so we came to the States got parole, green card, and eventually citizenship). We had it difficult at the beginning to the point that we had to sleep in our car, work under the table without job permit or anything and it was just the two of us. Things started to get better overtime, I got a job in the IT industry, kept studying and passed different certifications, my wife got an AS in business administration, we bought a house and both are as glad as we can be with this country and its people regardless. We have always supported my family since we came to the US, we sent all kind of clothes, medicines, money and everything they needed over there of course always prioritizing our life because we life here not there, and because we have been fighting, studying, working and planning a life here, going back is not an option for us. We love the US, it's law's, the language, food, privacy, respect, and liberty; things that you don't have in other countries.
During these years away from my original country both if my grandparents passed and my mom took good care of them till they closed their eyes, I giver her that and will be eternally glad full.
My mom and family in general (but my grandparents) have always complained of everything we don't have food, we don't have this, or that and I'd dare to say that jealous of people that have had it better in life. Over the hears my principles and life in general have taught me that behavior it wrong and you will never grow acting like that, not personally or professionally, so I heave been heavily criticizing every one of their manifestations in front of me with words like "Stop there, others have what they have fought for, they deserve it, you should do the same" or "You don't know anything about that person, you should be concerned about your life, not others". All that gossip all that jealousy, all that I hate it, I think it's from low people.
So, because of family and because you usually want what's best for your family, even if sometimes becomes a nuance in your life, I never stopped supporting them, even when COVID hit and I got PTSD from a toxic job I had at the time and maybe because of the situation with my family and my grandparents very sick back then.
I got better job and then petition my mom, and my daughter, then around the same time that the both came to live with us, my sister, nephew and my brother in law (who was no longer actually in a relationship with my sister) made it to the country and came to live with us as well.
I was the only one working in the house supporting 6 other people cause my wife got burnout from a call center and dedicated full time to finish college.
My nephews dad lived with us for an entire year and paying nothing other than cell phone and like $200 the las 3 or 4 months. My sister spent an entire year doing nothing because of the work permit and all the paperwork. My wife and I were like trash the first few months sleeping almost nothing between job, school and taking them to appointments, not to talk about expenses.
It's been year and a half and everyone is still in the house, my sister helps with ~500 a month and some of the food, but these days that's no money for a house with 6 people. Everyone is working now, everyone but my nephew who's 7 and other than my sister's, it's me and my wife supporting the entire house and everything. My mom I have told her to help the rest of the family outside of the states and that's her responsibility I don't want to have anything else to do with that. And my daughter who's a senior to save the money for college.
The cultural crash has been tough with a lot of friction cause they come like savages (and God forgive me to speak this way) my mom's brain is still abroad and it's been more than a year for her already. I don't like spending my time talking about tiger country that's not the one I live in, I care and breath US don't come with news or crap or gossip about some other country. It's not that I have forgotten my roots my life is here now.
So for a while now it's been more and more common my mom (who's 58 and all in there) asking about everything that moves or walks inside the house. If I am taking to my wife or my daughter she has to ask even if the conversation is not with her or I haven't said her name, if it's with a friend she has to interrupt and then I've been getting more and more triggered, also because of the never stopping eating habit she has is like "mom you should eat better and exercise more because of your health, you're no longer a teenager", then she gets bitter and mad, then outs the long face.
This morning I had to tell her to please stop doing that , the interrupting and asking because I'd annoying for everyone in the house and of course she put the long face all day and we haven't crossed words other than she replied "Ok then I won't talk because I bother others".
The other day I sat with her and told her that we have a friend of my wife coming from Europe to spend a couple of weeks in 4 months and it's time for my sister to start looking for a place. This is a 2x2 house and we have no space even after I converted the garage into a 3rd bedroom. The she out the long face. Not to mention that I borrowed my sister a while back 20K and told her to keep it but 6K which was my wife's.
Sometimes I just want to sell the house take my wife and daughter and go somewhere really really far and forget the rest of my family. It's like sh... after so many hears supporting and feeding my family I can't freaking have a quiet life because of the that they don't get it that living costs money and that I need my space and a place where I can call home and relax, my daily work in IT drains me mentally and after I am done with my day the least of the things I want is drama, questioning or long faces.
Comments are welcome, good or bad, all are welcome. I am at a point where I don't think I have been a had son, brother or father, but what the heck with my family I have to be all day with the whip ok hand putting order in my own house. I don't want this to affect my marriage, I don't really know an easy exit without creating a situation of discomfort for my sister and my mom (whom if continues with that behavior will have to go back to my original country or to live with my sister). Am I being a bad person or selfish?

TLDR: bring back the season of the seraph’s final mission as a memory, just like you did “the whisper” mission, put a cutscene at the beginning of the mission with a short dialogue “how we got here” and a the cutscene at the end( the traveler’s still image), with Osiris a audibly having traumatic flashback as Savathun repeating the word “devotion, bravery, sacrifice,” repeatedly, and after audibly grunting his voice change“veil, radial mast, link… veil… ”, saint saying “Osiris, my dear, are you ok?… Osiris…?” Fades to black…
Ok here I go: First let me begin by saying, I don’t code games, nor design, nor am I a writer. Also, english is not my first language so, sorry for the bad grammar. I just love this game with a passion, and have a somewhat creative mind. Plus I just replayed Lightfall TWICE, for my other 2 characters, in preparation for the final shape. Did I say I love this game?
Important Note: This “fix” will not work for us old lights, but it will make it a smoother campaign for new lights.
Core problem: Osiris’ lines
-Most of the story problems are found in Osiris’ dialogues! The answer to the questions below, may be in the written lore but not shown in the “in-game” dialog, and that is confusing as hell for someone new.

• Who the hell is Osiris, and why should we care for him so much that we leave our fight against our version of THANOS to go chase after HIM?
  
• How the hell does Osiris know so much?
  
• How the hell does Osiris know what the witness is trying to do with the Veil?
  
• How the hell does Osiris know the importance of the “radial mast”?
  
• How the hell does Osiris know what a “link” between the radial mast and the veil is? And why it is so critical to the witness’ plan!?
  
• Why is he such a jerk?
  

As a new light, I shouldn’t have to use google/youtube to answer these questions. They should be readily available in-game for me.
Solution: savathun’s memories, osiris’ trauma, and the final mission of Season of the seraph.
Your solution is found in bringing back last mission of season of the seraph( you may also do this with the operation seraph shield’s mission, and heist battleground: Moon’s end of mission dialog. Up to ya’ll).
How?
Right after finishing the witchqueen campaign, in either the throne world or as a memory. Add the last mission of season of the seraph as a memory, with a prerequisite that one must finish the parasite exotic quest: of queens and worms
After one does this, and one goes to the mission, and an intro like the one for “into the light” or better yet like the one found after we beat nezarec, giving us a “how we got here” dialogue( showing us Rasputin, even). And at the very end, when the traveler is over the earth. Just add dialogue from Osiris and saint. Osiris repeating the words “devotion, bravery, sacrifice”, and then grunting and changing it to “veil, radial mast, link” grunting again, and a very worried saint is heard in the background “Osiris my dear, are you ok?… Osiris?”
Again, not a writer, do I don’t know how it would affect Spire of the watcher, but something like this, a mission, a memory, pointing the gamer to those three words, would give the player a hint of the importance of those words, and why Osiris seems to know so much.

My name is May and Im 20 years old from Australia. I am interested in meeting some new people, Hoping for someone I can be vulnerable with that can also be vulnerable with me! A little bit about me! - I crochet a-lot! I really enjoy doing it and I do alot of toys! (feel free to look on my profile to see some of my recent projects ) - Im studying Education and Psychology at university (3rd year out of 4 years) - I work as a swim teacher and also work doing behavioural therapy sessions with children with Autism! I love both of my jobs! - I enjoy doing pilates and try to regularly play tennis! - I also enjoy reading a lot of books (Currently loving alot of romance books.. the cringier the better!) If anything here interests you then please feel free to shoot me a message!

My name is May and Im 20 years old from Australia. I am interested in meeting some new people, Hoping for someone I can be vulnerable with that can also be vulnerable with me! A little bit about me! - I crochet a-lot! I really enjoy doing it and I do alot of toys! (feel free to look on my profile to see some of my recent projects ) - Im studying Education and Psychology at university (3rd year out of 4 years) - I work as a swim teacher and also work doing behavioural therapy sessions with children with Autism! I love both of my jobs! - I enjoy doing pilates and try to regularly play tennis! - I also enjoy reading a lot of books (Currently loving alot of romance books.. the cringier the better!) If anything here interests you then please feel free to shoot me a message!

Hello!
Whew, it has been a while since I have posted here. Alas I am back and looking for a writing partner! I’ll do my best to make this formatted well, though I have a tendency to be long winded.
ABOUT ME
My name is MaKayla. I am 31 years old and will only write with others 21+. I have around 18 or so years of roleplay experience. I have many fandoms the most prevalent of which are Star Wars, Marvel, the Last of Us, and Berserk. I operate off of CST, though my sleep schedule is tragically bad. I write 3rd person, literate, and only on discord. My work schedule can keep me busy at times, others it is totally free. It’s sporadic, but if we start to craft a story and click I assure you I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t get any joy from short term plots. Give me world building, lore, and slow build any day.
THE PREMISE
As far as a premise goes, the title says the general idea. I’d like to focus on a small group of OC characters in the Mass Effect universe. My Mass Effect knowledge is far, far from infallible. So bear with me on some things I flub please. We could each have a “main” character so to speak, but I would like to have a lot of side characters, villains, allies, etc that are important story wise. Plot wise we can both determine what we envision for our group. I DO NOT want this to be a romance focused roleplay. I need story, drama, action, tension. Romance can be an excellent flavor, yet I do not want it to be the sole focus/goal of our characters. When it does come to romance I am a member of the LGBTQ community and am open to various pairings.
EXPECTATIONS
Literate writing - no one liners. That does nothing to scratch my creative itch.
Writing style - 3rd person, past tense. This is just my preference.
Discord - non negotiable. I prefer writing somewhere we can lay out channels and lore.
21+ - absolutely nobody beneath this age. I’m grown, please also be so.
Long term - I like to let things build over time with changing dynamics and story. I would rather you not fall off the face of the earth after a week when you lose interest.
Plotting - contribute. Roleplay is a collaborative writing experience. This is us telling a story together, not me telling a story while your character rides along.
CONCLUSION
I am a pretty laid back person (despite this wall of text). If you have any interest in this prompt feel free to reach out in dms and we will see if we click! I will not respond to comments or low effort messages. I took the time to write this up, you can take the time to send a well thought out message.
TL;DR
I don’t care if it was too long. If you didn’t read this, don’t message. I put in time and effort to write it up. Lol.

I guess the title is a bit deceiving. Don't get me wrong, I love Yang as a character. He's absolutely hilarious, is very interesting, fun and entertaining, steals the scene every time he appears, is responsible for most of the cool fight scenes, has a great design(love his hair and traditional chinese outfit), has a great theme song, has a sexy voice(I love the calm, soothing way he speaks which is ironic considering he's chaos impersonated), etc. But I never fell in love with him. The only way I could get through his route is by not viewing his route as a romance where you get the LI, but instead thinking of it as a twisted black comedy parody series where the mc gets thrown into hilariously dark and absurd situations, like everything happening to her being is so bad that it's funny, you can't help but laugh. Yang gets bored of Lili in one bad ending and gives her to his men to be gang raped, kills the women he gets bored of and trafficks innocent girls so I can't view him as a LI despite liking him as a character. And this is coming from someone who loves Toma, Kanato, Takeru, Sachsen, Jin from The Second Reproduction, the twins and Ace from Heart no Kuni no Alice. In any case, Yang's route was entertaining and his tragic ending was not unexpected, but I had lots of fun with it so I decided to give the sequel a shot. As I was playing the sequel, I noticed that Yang was acting too tame almost as if he was a different character. Ok, no problem with that, as long as it doesn't affect the fun.
But then, Yuan appears in all his glory. I guess the first thing I noticed was his design. He looked so majestic and sophisticated with that white chinese outfit and hairstyle. And the red eyes?? They're my favorite! I love red eyes in a villain! Makes them look so deliciously dangerous and evil! Not to mention his face expressions! Oh yeah, that smile as he commits atrocities! Next I heard his voice and that's when I knew he was Daddy material! If Yang's way of speaking is already sexy, Yuan's is 1000 times sexier! His voice is so soothing and manly and he pauses when he ends a sentence with a sigh that sounds like a moan! Did you notice that?? I can't remember when was the last time I felt so turned on by a character's voice!
Both Yang and Yuan are dangerously unpredictable, but while Yang is so chaotic, I get a sense of restraint and maturity from Yuan. I like Yang's chaotic personality and all, but at the same time it makes him look very flaky which is a huge turn off for me. Although Yuan likes to have his amusement too, he acts so calm, mature, serene, and rational. And let's not forget that he's 40 years old! Age was never an attractive factor for me when it came to falling in love with a character, that is, until I met Yuan! It gives me the idea that he's so experienced, mature and Daddy! I don't know why, but Yuan's mature and serene demeanor makes him look so much more intimidating, dangerous and sexy. Now that I'm writing about it, I don't really find Yang too intimidating, his chaotic personality makes him look more funny than intimidating to me. Yang's actions are dictated by whether he thinks something will satisfy his boredom so I can kind of get a grasp of how his mind works. But with Yuan, as Rui once said, I have no idea what goes on inside his mind which makes him so much more terrifying. Like damn, he's like, if you make one wrong choice or if you say one thing he doesn't like, he kills you right then and there and you don't really know what will trigger him(which is kinda sexy for me for some reason)! Not even Yang was that extreme in the first game! But for some reason, the way Yuan presents himself gives me the impression that that he has more restraint than Yang.
Now, what's really shocking is that I couldn't view Yang as a LI in the first game due to how horrible he was, but I find myself thristing for Yuan when he does the same thing. Isn't that weird?? Depite everything, I couldn't find myself attracted to Yang nor did he gave the impression of being Daddy material, but Yuan acts similarly and I find him so sexy and Daddy like! Why is that?? And did anyone here saw the bad ending you can get on Yang's route where he thinks Lili cheating on him(that was hilarious, even Yuan laughed) and gives her to Yuan?? After getting Yang's approval, Yuan immediately stands up from his chair and grabs Lili and says that she has no rights at all(damn!) with a hot sadistic smile on his face. Then Lili describes a bit how is it like to live with Yuan. She says that he wasted no effort in working her, that he teaches her to obey him in a manner Yang has never commanded and that she became Yuan's devoted toy(OH YEAH!!). These very few sentences made me honier than the entirety of Yang's route on the first game. That's really something. Like, damn son, I knew they made Yang the dominant type, but even that wasn't enough for me. Yuan's dominance level is exactly what I was looking for. The writers sinned when they didn't elaborate, like describe with more details, show something! For me this is a good ending! I always come back to see it even though it's so short and rushed. I love Yuan so much that any bread crumbles are like a first class meal for me! Not to mention Yuan biting Lili's neck and licking her blood on Gil's route! But I digress.
Anyway, for some reason I find Yuan a perfect Daddy material despite him being so similar to Yang(which I don't find Daddy material). Isn't that weird? Also, are there any other Yuan fans here? Let's reunite! I'm so obsessed with Yuan! I can't stop thinking about him! I never felt so depressed that a side character didn't have a route. I think not even Sachsen affected me this much. I just try to content myself by watching the few scenes he appears over and over. Btw, I hope I didn't offend any Yang fans 😅

Hey everyone,
I'm currently in Frankfurt for an Auslandssemester and I'm feeling a bit lonely. I'm from Tunisia and I speak both English and French. I'd love to meet up with people who speak either language to grab a coffee, take walks around the city, and just have good conversations.
Additionally, I'm also on the lookout for a job, so if anyone has any tips or leads, I'd really appreciate it.
If you're interested in meeting up, chatting, or have any advice, please feel free to drop a comment or send me a message. Looking forward to connecting with some awesome people!

This is going to be super long. I am so tired acting like my husband’s mother instead of his wife. I need a place to rant because he is making me feel like I am crazy. It started with little things and over the years it is just getting to be bigger and bigger issues.
At first it would be little things. Like he would be at work and I would be at home and I would notice we would be on our last roll of toilet paper and so I would ask him to get some on his way home from work.
Some context the place he would work was a thirty second walk to the grocery store(edit: I originally put minutes instead of seconds because I didn’t proof read). Like the parking lots are right next to each other, you can’t turn out of his work without looking at the grocery store. I didn’t have a car at that point. It would be a 45 to an hour walk one way for me to get to the grocery store. And Ubers weren’t in our budget.
He would come home without toilet paper and would say oops I forgot. Then the next time I would ask him to get something he would say remind me when I’m about to get off work. He worked at a restaurant so there’s not set times that he’s done, he finishes when everything is finished. So I would text him when I knew the restaurant is closed to get toilet paper.
Comes home. No toilet paper.
Over time it just got worse and worse. My thought is you literally have a phone and an Apple Watch. You can literally tell Siri, “hey siri, remind me at X:XX to go get toilet paper.”
Fast forward a couple years, he brings home a cat. His coworker caught a kitten outside of her apartment building but already had too many cats herself and couldn’t keep him. He lied and told me it’s we take him or he goes to the pound.
He knows im an animal lover and would never refuse to prevent a cat from going to the shelter. So I said okay we will foster him and try to find him a home. Well I fell in love with the cat and 4 years later, he is a permanent fixture in our family. But I made a point to say that this is OUR cat, not MY cat. I already own a rabbit, if I wanted a cat I would have got one.
Fast forward to now, we are living with my parents after a series of unfortunate events. Last Wednesday, our cat had emergency surgery because he swallowed a foreign object. We done have the money so my parents paid for it. He would have died without the surgery.
I haven’t been working because of an injury. My husband still works but he doesn’t pay all of our bills only his because he doesn’t make enough.
For the past few months I have been begging for my husband to take care of our cat instead of me doing everything for him. I’m the one who makes his vet appointments, pays for them, buys his food, his litter, cleans his boxes, plays with him, etc. my husband gives the cat a few minutes of attention when he gets home from work and then sits in the bathroom for several hours before he goes to sleep. He sleeps until he literally has to go to work and is normally late. I know my husband is depressed but he refuses to get help for it.
He told me he doesn’t remember to scoop the cats litter box unless he is looking at it and then tells me it doesn’t need to be scooped daily. He told me if I want the litter box scooped to tell him and he will do it, but like… I got my own problems. I don’t need to spend my day reminding him what to do. If I wanted that, I would have had a child.
Anyways back to the surgery, when our cat got neutered we tried putting him in a small bathroom but he kept jumping on everything. The vet said try a large dog crate. Well we tried that and the cat got too much anxiety and dumped his litter box upside down and in his water and spilled that too and it was a huge mess. Eventually we came up with the idea of a camping tent, that way it was more space, nothing to jump on and I could stay with him to reduce the cats separation anxiety.
For this surgery, they said movements restricted for 14 days so his intestine and abdominal sutures don’t tear and he doesn’t get sepsis. Back to the tent. My husband was asking the vet if he could just stay in our bedroom but I said he literally jumps all over the place in our bedroom, not just onto his cat tree because my husband thought it would be enough to just remove the cat tree. The vet tech said he recommends bringing the tent back out.
My husband said you went crazy in the tent last time. I said yes but if this is want we need to do to get our boy through then that’s what I got to do. My husband said we would take turns sleeping in the tent except for these first three days because he works Friday night, a double Saturday and then Sunday morning. Then after his shift Sunday is his little brothers birthday and so he has to go play golf with him. I said that’s fine but I still need help so I can take breaks and shower and stuff.
Everything with the cat was fine until Friday night. I’m super allergic to cats so I have been dosing low doses of benedryl throughout the day to lower my allergy symptoms but not enough to knock me out.
Well the cat starts having diarrhea and not when he goes to the litter box diarrhea, like just leaking out of his butt diarrhea. Both his primary and the emergency vet said if he starts having diarrhea call us immediately and they made it seem like it was really bad if that happens.
I just got diagnosed with autism at 28 years old. I had no clue and don’t have the tools to control meltdowns. I start freaking out. I took too much benedryl to drive and my father just got out of being hospitalized and my brother works night shifts so I don’t really have anyone to ask to drive me to the emergency vet. I was having a meltdown while trying to wipe all the diarrhea out of the cats fur. His is a medium hair and has extra long fur on his butt so you can see how it wasn’t going well wiping his butt.
I text my husband because I know the restaurant had been closed for 2 hours at this point. I told him I need him home now because I can’t do this alone. I also told him I need him to call the vet because at this point there was diarrhea all over the floor of the tent and I didn’t want the cat to lay on it and get it in his incisions.
My husband wasn’t answering so I woke my brother who woke my dad and my father started raising his voice at me which made the meltdown worse.
My husband eventually answered me and left work ten minutes after and called the vet. They said that as long as the diarrhea isn’t constant and he is still drinking water it is okay because the only thing they are worried about is dehydration. That calmed me down and my husband went to bed because he was supposed to work a double shift the next morning.
Well the cat had diarrhea all night and so we removed everything that wasn’t easily washable from the tent and between bouts of diarrhea I slept on the ground.
In the morning, I called his normal vet because it had been 10 hours of diarrhea at this point. They prescribed some food for him. He is all good now.
Well 9:30 am rolls around and my husband isn’t up yet. So I call him and he wakes up and says oh I’m not working this morning. This made me kind of mad because the only reason I was in the tent last night was because he was supposed to work a double. Also instead of maybe checking on me and the cat, he went back to sleep in our bed. At this point I had to ask him if he could come downstairs to the tent so I can shower and get some caffeine and he said right now? And I said yes, I’ve been wiping poop off of a cats butt all night. I would like to shower.
Onto today, the cats diarrhea is more controlled so I was able to make the tent more comfortable to sleep in but I’m in pain from sleeping on the floor for two nights and my allergies have me using more paper towels to blow my nose than it did to clean up 12 hours of poop.
Half way through my husband’s shift he texts me that his mom moved him and his brothers tee time for golf so it will be later in the day. I expressed my frustration because I was already having to wait until 7pm for him to get home so I can shower and have some time not in a tent.
I offered a compromise and said that’s fine go play golf still but once you hit the two hour mark say your done and he said he can’t do that because his relationship with his family is already not great and that they are going to think, “well she’s already sitting in the tent, why do you need to go home and sit in the tent?”
I don’t like his family. His step father abused him and his mother let it happen. They also treat their pets horribly and have had three pets die unnecessarily in the past 7 years and gave one away because they found him annoying because of the anxiety he got from treating the dog poorly.
My husband refuses to set boundaries with them and doesn’t think he was abused as a child. It’s not normal to be whipped with a belt ten times because you didn’t get the dishes done on time or your left a shirt on the floor of your bedroom.
Anyways, I typed out a long text message to him that I was going to send when he was done golfing. He was texting me updates while he was golfing about how it was super busy and it was taking them longer. At no point did he say he was going to cut it off at the two hour mark. I didn’t respond because I was angry and didn’t see the point to respond while emotional.
He eventually sends a text saying are you ignoring me? And I said I was going to wait to for you to finish before I say what I want to say. And he responds “what did I do?”
So I sent this text: (Crowley is our cat, I think I removed all the other names)
I’m feeling extremely frustrating. It feels like once again the cats entire care is falling on me to do and manage. We have had this conversation many times before but it feels like it falls on deaf ears and it feels like with the amount of times that I have told you, that you are actively choosing not to listen to me.
Friday night was supposed to be your night in the tent but we decided that I would sleep on the ground in a tent because you had a double. You ended up getting out of that shift. When you found out that you were no longer working, you did not tell me. Instead you went back to sleep while I slept on the ground in the tent.
I feel like the nice thing to do would have been immediately tell me that you were no longer working and offer to be in the tent the entire morning. I didn’t find out you were no longer working until I called to see if you were getting up for work. You didn’t offer to take a shift in the tent. I had to ask and even then it was only enough time for me to shower and make tea.
Friday morning when you took a shift so I could try and go to the allergist, the first thing that you said when I got back was “what have you been doing this whole time?” As if I was abusing your time and took too much time for myself.
I’m the one making crowleys charts, I’m the one giving him his medicine. I’m the one who spent 12 hours through the night wiping poop off of his butt instead of trying to sleep through the night.
My allergies are on fire and I’m dosing benedryl multiple times a day and taking double what I’m supposed to of the daily pill so I can take care of Crowley. Even through the extreme benedryl haze, I am waking up to make sure he gets food and medicine and everything else.
I woke up this morning to Crowley in my face with a giant piece of poop on his cone because he decided to use his cone to scoop his own litter.
My shoulder hurts from sleeping on the ground. My body hurts from sitting in the tent all day. I’m not even eating dinner with my family because Crowley freaks out when he is alone in the tent and I don’t want him to get hurt.
So can’t you see that it just really sucks that it feels like you aren’t stepping up and taking some responsibility for the cat you brought into our lives. While I love him dearly, you also have a responsibility to take care of him.
What does that say about your family that two hours of golf isn’t enough when YOU had a family emergency this week that isn’t resolved and still needs tending to. Just because they are your family, doesn’t mean you have to give in every single time. At some point you need to learn to set some boundaries with them, instead of just trying to please them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cat, it is still a responsibility and adults take care of their responsibilities. It just happens that this one is a living being. It doesn’t matter that your family doesn’t value animals like I do. All that should matter is that YOU value Crowley. It feels like you only value him when it is convenient for you. That’s not how pets work. You have to work around them.
I feel like my family right now is helping more than you. I’m not trying to guilt you into taking care of the cat. I just want you to reflect on your actions.
If my body suffering means that cat is okay then that’s a sacrifice I willingly make. But if my body is suffering so [husband’s name] can play unrestricted golf, that doesn’t really feel like a partnership or a team like a marriage is supposed to be. That is why I’m frustrated and hurt. Not because I’m taking care of Crowley, because the person who is supposed to be on my side isnt.
I didn’t tell you to not play golf on your brothers birthday. I didn’t tell you to get out of work yesterday morning either. I suggested that you put a cap on golf. when you said no I can’t do that because of my family, that communicates to be that you value your families opinion more than you value your responsibility to take care of our cat and you value their opinion more than me. That you can’t put a cap on a leisure activity to give your wife an unrestricted break. Because right now the only breaks I’ve gotten are when I’ve asked [my brother] for 20 minutes so I can piss and shove some food in my mouth.
It would be nice if I didn’t have to tell my husband I need a break. That is what I have been saying for months about mental load and feeling like your mother instead of your wife. I shouldn’t have to say, hey it’s time for you to sit for 20 minutes with you cat, you should do it without prompting.
You know I don’t like changes in schedules last minute. My gut reaction was freak out and instead I offered a compromise, which would have allowed you to still go golfing and would have had you home at around the same time and immediately you shit down the compromise with no compromise of your own. And as per usual, giving in to your families wants. You are now married, your new family should take priority over your mom [step father] and your siblings. Crowley is the closest thing you have to child right now and I wish you would treat him as such because he deserves it. You shouldn’t give Crowley attention just when you feel like it, you should met his needs on his terms too because that’s what taking care of a child means.
Before you come home and start an argument, I want you to read this a few times over and reflect on what I am saying, and how I feel, and what you have been doing since we got Crowley out of the hospital.
He comes home from golf and says do you need to use the bathroom or can I go shower? I had already told him at this point that he needs to shower before he enters the tent because I’m incredibly allergic to grass and my allergies with the cat are already terrible so I’m annoyed he’s asking. I told him to go shower.
He goes and spends 40 minutes showering and comes back. I take a shower and take my medicine and eat and come back to the tent because he has a double tomorrow. He angrily tells me I don’t need to be in the tent. I told him he has a double tomorrow and I don’t expect him to sleep in the tent. He tells me to go to the bedroom and I said fine, I’ll be back in an hour and a half. I come back and start to get in the tent and he again angrily says what are you doing? I said it’s been an hour and a half and he says that I don’t have to sleep in the tent. I ask if he has given the cat his pain medicine and of course the answer was no.
So I get the cat his medicine and all of my husbands responses are short and with a temper. So I said are you ignoring me and he said no and I said well you haven’t addressed anything I said and he said because you said not to start a fight. I responded that’s why I told you to read it a few time and think it over before you come home so we can talk. He said he didn’t do that.
We had an argument but the short story is he said you’re mad that you had to ask for help and I said a good partner doesn’t have to be asked, they offer help in the first place and he says he thinks that’s wrong and a good partner wouldn’t get mad because they have to ask. He said that I said I would spend the two weeks in the tent and I told him he responded to that that we would take turns, so I was under the impression that we would actually take turns.
And he said is this what this entire argument sums up to and I said no. It sums up that you are not a good enough pet owner to put cat. He went to bed in our bedroom and I’m sitting in a tent feeling fucking crazy.
We briefly tried couples therapy but cannot financially afford it anymore and he wouldn’t open up to the therapist. I know the cat is just the problem right now but this is a repeated thing where he ignores his responsibilities in life in general and also bends over backwards to please his parents.

I think this ex of mine may be ghosting me and it’s making my stomach churn. We dated a couple years ago. He’s a good person and we left things on decent terms other than that he really pushed my boundaries when I needed space to a point that felt intrusive. I really needed an indefinite pause because feeling pressured to be more available than I had capacity for made me feel super frustrated and guilty. I didn’t want to be temperamental. Recently I reached back out. I took a really long time to do that, in part because I wanted to be sure I had healed enough to be a good friend to him and hopefully not end up in a similar holding pattern. He was happy to hear from me and we talked for awhile and had coffee. It seemed like a genuinely kind connection still. He is doing better in life overall, making more $$, seeing someone new and it’s going well. I am genuinely happy for him and also felt like maybe that would make it easier to be friends again too, since the boundaries are clear. He said not being in contact had weighed on him and that it felt really nice and relieving to be back in touch. Anyhow long story short, last we texted he was going to give me some eclipse glasses, and we were planning to have another coffee when he returned from a weekend trip to see the full eclipse. And weeks passed with no word. I texted this morning and basically just said hi. The message was delivered but no reply. It’s got me feeling super anxious and anguished & weird, like it was wrong or foolish of me to try and stay friends. A couple years ago, he had professed such deep care for me and had said (sort of jokingly but sincere) I am going to stay part of his life whether I liked it or not. I guess I believed that & it’s why I took the risk of reconnecting. I am thinking it’s maybe not true anymore that he wants to stay friends. Honestly if I was in his position I might have a hard time if an ex popped back up two years later. I didn’t think he was the type to ghost ever, or I might have been less open with him when we met. I shared good things in my life and also was honest about some recent traumas and that I haven’t really wanted to date much, that when I’ve tried it hasn’t been fun. Anyhow, I’m feeling sad at another loss. Gratefully I have some beautiful core friends that I’ve stayed fairly close with for decades. It helps me keep in light that I’m a good solid friend to a number of people who don’t think I’m “too much.” But the amount of connections that meant something real and then disappear or end painfully — it really warps my brain. I’m feeling so anxious and foolish and like a failure: I know it’s not true but I thought I’d vent here instead of just sitting here feeling stuck and bad. I think I’m stressed about a lot of things and that my brain is snagging on this. I’d love support, reassurance or relatedness, though I’m definitely not looking for advice. Thanks 😊 TLDR: I think I’m being ghosted and it sucks and hurts 🤷