This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
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Memory transcription subject: Adjek, Venlil Space Corps Engineer
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
I had departed with a collection of other engineers who had assisted on the tethering of Nemesis several days ago back to her massive ship. There were twenty-five of us, although none I knew directly from my work.
As our cargo shuttle entered the direct monitoring range of the beast once more, I felt a bad feeling throughout my fur. I didn't know what, exactly, but it was like we had just stepped into the eyes of a predator lurking in the undergrowth, watching us intently. As if to capitalize on that unease, our pilot Mimek bleated something in a panic that made said fur stand straight.
"T-th-th-there's an Arxur vessel trailing us!"
I whirled onto the oncoming feed near the front of the shuttle. Behind us, was a Arxur Ambusher-class dropship that had taken a path directly behind us. It followed the exact same trajectory as our own, and showed no signs of diverting. I bleated out a panicked command of my own.
"K-kick it! W-we need to get distance from them!"
While I had no authority to tell the pilot what to do in this situation, he must've nevertheless agreed, and as such Mimek kicked the boosters into overdrive to escape their proximity. I kept an eye on the rear display, watching as in response, the Arxur craft opened up its own engines, as if to accept the chase, and closed in.
Mimek spoke again. "Why are they chasing us?! D-didn't the humans forbid them from attacking us in-system?!" I had a horrible thought as to why...
"They've fallen to their p-predator bloodlust! They won't be stopped so long as we're in vulnerable space! Close to Nemesis, fast!" I pointed at the guidance lights to the hangar on Nemesis' keel opening. While the Arxur could likely outrun us in an extended burn, we had the advantage in a sprint over a shorter distance. Nemesis was in that shorter distance range, and so we needed to reach it fast to be in its haven.
Mimek, already piloting at full afterburn, corrected the shop in a sharp turn from the plotted approach vector cleared with the Lunar Shipyards. As this occurred, a reminder from the very same monitors came through on comms.
"Venlil ship, this is LSC Tower 3, you have left the agreed final approach vector, adjust your course to match the planned path immediately, do not continue on your current heading."
The humans did not realize the threat we were currently in, and thus the pilot ignored the warning. The Arxur seemingly took our course change as a challenge, and followed suit.
"I repeat, readjust your course heading immediately or fighters will be scrambled. This is your only warning." Even were that the case, we were far too close for them to plot an intercept vector. The shipyard monitors would need at least [one minute] to reach us, and Nemesis was merely [20 seconds] at full-burn-then-brake approach. We would not let the ship closing in behind us catch us, disciplinary action be damned. The damned Arxur succumbed to their predator madness!
A lazy-curve speed burnoff pattern was adopted, and we rocketed at ever-decreasing, but still frightening pace towards Nemesis in an attempt to shake the Ambusher behind us. The hangar was merely moments away, don't fail us now!
The Arxur vessel broke off the chase near the massive docked ship, seemingly slowing for no apparent reason. Perhaps it realized it couldn't slow down as fast as we could, and as such had to? But, that came with another stomach-hurdling problem: us slowing down. If we didn't, we'd crash and turn into nothing but paste on the walls of the gargantuan ship's hangar.
Thankfully, Mimek pulled through, and we zoomed into the hangar space, hitting the emergency external inertial dampener breaking as we attempted landing. The ship skidded across the floor, as it skipped nearly a [fourty meters] to a stop, crashing through something on the way through, but we were moving at such a pace that I had no clue exactly what.
As the ship came to a complete stop, rocking back onto its belly with a final thump, there was the sound of heavy stomping outside, before something rammed into the back of the ship, nearly rocking it off-balance again. "What...what was that?!" We both exclaimed.
We stepped away from the back exit ramp of the vehicle, all twenty five of us, as it began to groan under immense stress. The door dented in, and a few of us instantly cried out in surprise and fear.
And then again. And again. Another rocking of the ship as a dent formed. Another.
And finally, with an unsettling sound of metal being torn through, a crack in the plating of the door turned into a gap that widened into a shaking hole, until the door literally flew off its hydraulic support. The strain spat out fluids and electrical sparking, and several bleated in fear of the sudden disassembly of the door between us and the hangar. Had the Arxur caught up to us? Were we doomed?
But as the burst of electrical smoke cleared, and the light was filtered through our adjusting eyes, what was on the other side shocked me.
A mechanical monstrosity, far bulkier and massive than the one that had confronted my group and I aboard Nemesis stood on the other side. It towered above us, with a intimidatingly large cannon built into one of its arms, aimed dead center into our room, looking more akin to a vehicle's gun than a handheld one. One could see behind it many more of a similar looking model closing in. It spoke in a wrathful tone...Her wrathful tone.
"What the hell are you doing CRASHING INTO ME? There better be a-"
But I felt a chill as it suddenly cut off, and the featureless head of the bipedal robot swiveled to look directly at me instead. Though I could see no clear indicator of eyes like the nightmarish drone I had talked with in the past, I could feel it gaze directly at me, ignoring the others. It suddenly spoke again, a single word conveying contempt dripping in it. The blood in my veins turned cold as the Twilight.
"YOU..."
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
Something's wrong, I can feel it.
The bearing of the approaching ships has left the supposed approach vector, and directly accelerated towards my open hangar bay. While the ships pose no threat to me directly, I am uncertain if they are capable of stopping quickly enough to not risk the human crew that had just landed. I considered my options...
+grab beam non-responsive, schedule systems evaluation immediately+
I had no capability to tractor the ships from their path, and they showed no sign of slowing. I could fire a particle beam in the path of both ships, but there was no ability to tune down the power enough to not destroy the ships, and it would not reduce their velocity. I plotted the relative course of the Venlil shuttle to be coming at this angle, which thankfully was towards the opposite side of the hangar as the Human delegation. That did not remove the possibility of shrapnel from a crash, however.
I interspersed my Praetorians in front of them, seeking to act as a shield in the case of any flying debris. I warned them in the same instant.
"Take cover behind these drones, there is a problem with the landing Venlil ship on route."
"W..What's going on, Red?" Hailey asked, confused. Never had I been this direct with her physically, actively interspersing my drones in front of her and the rest of the scientific delegation.
"They are likely to crash. Predicted acceleration curves of the shuttle do not meet the prerequisite delta-V to stop safely at this current distance and velocity. Duck and cover."
The shuttlecraft streaked into my hangar bay at speeds that would make a 21st century jet blush. It slowed anomalously upon entering, but did not slow at enough rate to prevent the crash. The Praetorians situated on that side of my hangar were incapable of moving fast enough to dodge out of the way, and I was forced to watch as the shuttle crashed through thirty-two of them in a 45-meter break distance, before slamming into a hangar wall. They were built to withstand incredible munition strength, but not twenty-some odd tons of shuttle at near mach speeds. The impact brutally cast them across the deck, smashing some, tearing apart others.
Debris flew from the front of the shuttle outward, but none reached near the humans. Those moronic aliens were about to answer painfully for their incompetence on my deck.
"Dear god!" One of the humans swore at the sound of the shuttle crashing. Another screamed and ducked down further behind my Praetorian. The drone curled down to better envelop her in protection. Hailey was speechless.
A squadron of Praetorians had been closing in from a safe distance throughout the entirety of the crash. They were a mere hundred meters away, only 4.9 seconds to reach the doors. I collided with the shuttlecraft's exit ramp, and slammed repeatedly into the back of it, aiming to create a gap by which to pry the thing off. Eventually, a gap was made, and the Praetorian body wrenched a manipulator into it.
Then, after tearing off the ramp door to the ship, and beginning to interrogate the idiotic fucks at gunpoint, I find no less that a familiar face has come with them. A familiar face I would have rather not seen again in the slightest.
+identity confirmation, Adjek, Venlil engineer+
"YOU...What, are you doing here, again?"
I stepped forward, into the cargo shuttle, the Praetorian I controlled looming over them, over him, by nearly one and a half meters. I made certain to emphasize that size difference. One does not just crash in me like this without a good reason, or I'd be testing how long a Venlil survives vacuum.
Adjek decided to speak up, fear laden in his voice. "I-I-I...W-we were being chased by an Arxur vessel on the course here! T-They ignored the human's truce and decided to p-pursue us directly!"
I faltered a bit at that. Chased? The Arxur supposedly promised that they wouldn't attack the Venlil in-system, but given how much the bad blood between the Arxur and herbivore races was hyped up, I couldn't toss out the possibility.
"Is he telling the truth?" I swung the Praetorian's fake head about the room, scanning over each Venlil in the audience. It wasn't necessary, I had a panoramic view just from the chest optics alone, but the psychological effect and bait of having a head was palpable. They all parroted something similar to what Adjek and the pilot said, so I had no clear contradiction to go off of yet.
But I wasn't done with intimidation, I warmed the cannon muzzle to be visible within the deep red visual spectrum, and aimed it at him.
"Tell me everything, now."
He began to describe his intent and clearance for coming here...but reality decided to be a pain at that exact moment, as the likely culprit entered the hangar. Thankfully, I wasn't hampered by multitasking. A section of me split attention equally to the Arxur ship landing in my bay.
This ship, supposedly the Ambusher-class Goring Claw going off the IFF, was an armed dropship of some sort capable of intro-extra-atmospheric operation, given the rotary variable mode engines. They had been given landing clearance, but not by me, no, instead by the shipyard.
I would need to ask the UN to bring down that blackout protocol soon. This is immensely inconvenient to not have access to monitoring and communication outside myself, except through Hailey. Nevertheless, I positioned my remaining Praetorians around the likely exit of the dropship, awaiting it to open and...greet...these likely troublemakers. I had one Praetorian stand directly front-and-center to the back end, and aim weapons, but not arm them at the dropship hangar doors.
With a hiss, and a burst of slightly depressurized gas, the door opened, and out marched a line of two pairs of two Arxur guards. Their gear looked highly ceremonial, given its lack of tactical or efficient features, and the choice of weapon being a spear of some sort with a sidearm still holstered. Behind them, walked an even more gaudy individual than the guards, an Arxur with a prominent scar across their face covered in flamboyant ceremonial uniform. I was almost certain this was Chief Hunter Isif, Lithke's commanding officer, given Hailey's description of the visitors earlier. Behind him marched a set of less extravagantly dressed figures, likely advisors of some sort. And, of course, Lithke.
I wouldn't just let them off the hook so easily though, despite their far better entrance.
"Chief Hunter Isif. Lithke. You had best have a good reason for making a Venlil ship crash into my hangar."
Memory transcription subject: Chief Hunter Isif, Arxur Dominion Sector Fleet
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
Those idiots seriously did not-
...No, calm yourself, a Chief Hunter must always look composed, even in the face of absurdity.
The pilot in control of this Ambusher had heard my order to follow the Venlil in, got target fixation, and decided to escalate it to a chase. I would have him lashed for the offense later, but for now, I needed to quickly rekindle what little good will the Arxur had in Red One's eyes.
Losing it now could mean turning up hungry forever.
"I apologize for my pilot's unprofessional actions. He will be punished severely later for the transgression of letting his instincts override both human and my orders. Is there anything I can do further to fix your appetite, Red One?"
The robot frontmost of our shuttle stepped forward, it's bulk and size intimidating even by Arxur standards. It towered tall enough to nearly be at my head height despite the fact I was standing on the dropship ramp. Red One's response was curt, and [quick to the kill]. "You can start by convincing the odd twenty-five or so Venlil engineers your pilot chased into crashing on my hangar deck that you aren't here to eat them all, or whatever sickening actions you Arxur do. When that's done, then you may converse with Hailey Whitmer."
At least it wasn't "you've done enough, stop". I'd seen plenty disappear after that particular response in the Dominion.
"Fine. Blades!" I shouted to the ceremony guard I was issued. "Two of you will hold the pilot at the ship for punishment. He is to not eat, nor rest, nor do anything until I return. The rest will assist Lithke in assuaging the prey that they are safe...for now. I must speak with Red One while you do."
They saluted, and went about their way.
Good, everyone bought it. In a sense, this was funnily enough just the distraction I needed. Perhaps I'll reduce the pilot's lashing count quietly for that.
Now...for the harder part. I had no idea if Red would sense my intentions, and so-
The combat drone spoke once again. "Lithke's sung your praises, Chief Hunter Isif. An icon of 'applied cruelty' in his words. I'm curious as to why that should be praised, out of all things in a leader."
We're still too close to the ship, even if none are around to hear it, audio logs might pick up any dissenting thoughts. I should bring this conversation elsewhere.
"I see Lithke wasn't convincing on his own, it seems. Here, walk with me, I still have yet to meet your Special Envoy Hailey personally." I began to walk towards the group of humans near the other end of the hangar.
"So, you have met her?" Red One instantly picked up on the message, noticing the phrasing. So, she's capable of understanding subtlety...
"Yes, but not directly. She gave a presentation at the UN's discussion on you, which I attended."
"And what, pray tell, did you learn about there?" Red One seemed to press me slightly on the session, clearly looking for something. I'd play along, get in their favor.
"Plenty. You're by far the most powerful ship in the galaxy, as far as I can tell. The Humans and Venlil alike are afraid of you, but the former less-so, seeing a more mixed reaction to your presence."
"And what do you think of me?" Red questioned.
I began with a political mealy-mouth phrase.
"The Dominion is not-"
But she interrupted my train of thought. "No. I didn't ask what the Arxur thought. I was asking what you thought, specifically."
What?!
I scanned quickly, my head paced from side to side as I looked for any potential monitoring agent or tools nearby that could potentially pick up on my dialogue.
"You're...an interesting shake-up to the galaxy. Possibly even a means to an end I've been looking into."
There was a curiosity laden in that tone. "Is that so? What, pray tell, would an Arxur fleet leader need with me?"
Again, I checked about, to make certain none were close. "I...am trying to solve a personal problem. Your emergence is convenient to it..."
"Ah...so I was correct..." Red One's drone stopped in front of me for a moment, before turning directly to address me. "...The constant checking about other Arxur assets, the send-off of your personal guard, the overcompensation on the facial details and micromovements, the ordering of Lithke to 'convince' me of Dominion ideals. How much of it is an act, Chief Hunter Isif?"
She already found me out!?
The mask dropped in a panic, knowing none were close enough to pick up on it. "Quiet! How did you pick up on that?" I hissed under my breath to them.
She neglected to answer that statement directly, instead asking another question. "That's not important. The better thing to ask, is what exactly do you want with me?"
Well, since the meat has been spoiled...
I decided to be blunt, and honest. "I need either a line to directly converse with you on a sensitive matter later, or a method to do it now. There is a deep sickness within the Arxur, and you are a possible lynchpin to excise it. But it is traitorous in nature to Betterment, and they have agents everywhere. I would need it to be done away from their ears."
"I am currently operating in blackout conditions. I cannot send or receive signals from the outside without going through a UN transponder, so the first option is out currently. You need a distraction then, while you're here." Red's drone turned back around and continued walking, not giving away anything to the outside of her sudden skinning of my fake personality. "That can be arranged. But not this instant, we are already too close to outside ears for an extended conversation."
"A codeword, then? Some indicator that I may step away and talk securely with you?"
"A codeword is a start, but I'm more concerned about your personal guard. Are they loyal to you enough to ignore such a conversation?"
"Absolutely not. Effectively none of the group that has come along with me is loyal enough to hear this."
Red One didn't speak immediately, but the pause was small. "A full separation might be possible. I have an idea during the tour. If I say the phrase, 'Feel free to peruse' to you specifically, it will mean I have sufficiently separated attention enough that you may speak to me securely. Do you understand?"
She already has a plan? Her speed on that matter is dizzying.
I would have to trust her method. "I understand."
"Good, mask up again, we are within the distance of maximum human audible range given this volume."
Her matter of figuring out my intentions and act that quickly was unnerving, but it made some sense for a sentient computer. She likely thought far faster than the average Arxur, or even Human. But I could consider that later, I needed to get back in character. While my physical demeanor hadn't wavered any, I needed to give off the mental face of a Chief Hunter once again to allay suspicions. Especially since my personal guard were likely to return soon.
Hailey Whitmer noticed us soon after, and disengaged herself from talking with the other Humans. She began her way over here, leaving them to huddle around their ship, still unloading a collection of scientific equipment and personal belongings. "Chief Hunter Isif! Welcome to the UECNS Nemesis. What happened exactly that caused the Venlil to crash in like that, however? I heard a concerning bit that they were chased?"
I lashed my tail in frustration at that. "Our pilot idiotically got fixated on the Venlil ship. He will be punished later. For now I apologize on their behalf. I will try and...convince the Venlil's not to fear soon, but I honestly don't expect them to listen. They are prey, after all, sniveling in fear at the slightest provocation."
Hailey looked annoyed at that statement, but I could at least take personal solace in knowing it was mere persona. She would simply have to deal with it. "That's rather rude to our allies, Isif."
I corrected her: "Your allies, Human. The prey do not interest me. No, what interests me and my cohort is this ship." I pointed a claw at the robotic soldier behind me.. "I have already met Red One herself, and as you are the UN's Envoy here, I must meet you as well. Lithke has spoken much about both of you."
Hailey's expression changed from veiled frustration to surprise at that. "He has? Hah! I did charm-...oh, excuse my manners. When your entourage arrives over here, we can begin a proper tour with the both of us at the helm. Red?"
A voice emanated from the walls. "Yes, Hailey?"
"Do you have a path listed for a proper tour throughout your facilities?"
She responded immediately. "Yes. The UEC military has conducted tours before of my hull to other officials. I can follow said pathing, ignoring areas currently exposed to vacuum or damaged heavily. It will cover roughly 45% of the ship, and with transportation aid, take roughly 4 and a half hours."
Hailey clapped her hands together. "Perfect! When the three groups are gathered properly here, we can begin."
Given I could see my guard returning, thankfully not laden with prey blood or wounds, that would be soon.
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
I have had tours done of my shipself before. When my form was still under construction, Commander Theodore William Billingsly had given a walk-around to Yasmine, in preparation to turn over the role of Captain to her. The visit had gone rather easily, and familiarized her with my layout quickly in a professional manner. I had given numerous miniature tours of my layout to new crew members, with assistance from more established crew. I figured tours were nothing too special to my sensibilities and experience.
But I had never quite had the experience of juggling a tour where each distinct species of the tour was at odds with the other two. Listening to them was taxing.
"What are you looking at, leaflicker?"
"H-Help! I-It wants to e-e-eat me!!!"
"Could y'all just get along for a single moment? We're coming up on the barracks, supposedly, and yet you're at each other's throats!"
"Of course we're at their throats, those are rather delicious to tear out."
"You predators would focus on our vulnerable spots, w-wouldn't you!"
"Fuck's sake, you can't behave, can y'all?"
"Jealous of our vicious nature?"
"No we're not! What you do to the other races in this galaxy is abhorrent!"
"Yeah, you Arxur monsters have nothing to be proud of! I've lost family to your kind!"
Very taxing.
The human team and Hailey were trying to somewhat wrangle the mood down, but the Arxur and Venlil despised one another, and it showed. There was no quieting-down of their feud for more than a few minutes, before it started up again for the smallest altercations. I was glad I had brought a host of Praetorians to keep them physically separate somewhat, as I'd hate to have seen any humans hurt in the way.
Instead, I tried to focus on just providing an air of authority, as Hailey led them throughout my assorted systems and layout, only providing input where she did not know about. There were at least some receptive comments of myself during the tour that didn't result in lambasting the other two parties.
"The internal layout of this ship is rather unique. It doesn't look like anything in the Federation proper." A Venlil engineer by the name of Joluk mentioned.
"Yeah, I know!" Said a human scientist by the name of George Oscoda. "It's very...Death Star meets Nostromo, made a bit wider, then painted gunmetal black with red detailing."
Joluk turned back to him. "I have no idea what those are, but I don't like the sound of a Death Star." Their tail went ramrod straight, hanging down at the comment. Perhaps a body language fear response?
I decided to clarify from a drone nearby. "The internal design pattern of the UEC favors a highly geometric, hexagonal or octagonal hall layout, for maximum support with little freestanding support. A three-to-two width to height ratio also helps alleviate claustrophobic concerns, and detriments mental health minimally for extended stays."
George spoke up again. "I guess that's fair, but nothing will change how depressingly dark and scarred-up some of these corridors and bulkheads are currently. I get that it's battle damage, but..."
Lithke piped in from the front. "Nemesis wears her scars proudly. She is a predator forged in war, none escape without scars." I couldn't find a reason to directly deny said statement. I did sometimes prefer the reminder of how many Compact Janissaries had died within myself. How I shivered in delight at knowing they met their ends aboard my hull.
I decided to just remain silent on that. Hailey also responded to that soon after. "Well, honor besides, a lot of that damage will have to be repaired eventually. No amount of self-righteousness excuses holes to vacuum in some spots." She was also right. There were various spots throughout me that were not even enterable, let alone habitable as I was. Numerous collapsed-in sections, holes in my hull all-throughout. There wasn't even a main engines section anymore, with the aft exposed to space after redlining to Earth to save them from the Federation fleet. No amount of scars would justify not repairing battle damage.
I was at least partially glad they could not read Compact Standard. The various little easter eggs of alien languages scattered on my walls were filled with warnings and resignations of regret for boarding me. I left them there, to add to the ambient horror of unwelcome borders, but currently it just felt...out of place. I did not want to scare the people on board.
Thankfully there were few along this path, and none noticed it as the language it was offhand, so I avoided those questions. As we walked to the entrance doors to the barracks, there was a hallway we would have to cross first. One I had kept tenderly over the centuries.
I decided to speak ahead of time on it. "We are coming up on a particular area of mine en route to the general barracks. It was not something made in my time with humanity, but more...a personal project. Reminders and trophies of what and who I fought for both myself, and any others who might unfortunately find themselves this far into my halls." Some of the Arxur looked intrigued by that statement.
Hailey looked a little nervous at the way I introduced it. "I-I wouldn't really call it something particularly-"
I kept going over her response. It wasn't particularly polite, but if I was to make a maximal psychological distraction for Isif to say his piece, it would need to be done...
As a drone already within put the finishing touches on the arrangement, and skittered away into the dark lofts above, the doors opened to my favorite rooms, and I introduced the hallway ahead.
"Welcome...to my Collection."
First Prev Next (soon)

The dark sky loomed over the horizon, as day became night. Smokes stopped churning from the busy factories, revealing the beauty of the stars. Lights started to flicker; their shine mirrored the sight above.
And yet, tranquillity never came. Horse-drawn carriages and trams still strolled upon the hectic boulevards in the great metropolis of Amberton. A city in a constant.

Still, in such hubbub, a young human boy found his solace. A young, naughty boy who defied his parents’ orders to do his homework. Instead, he read the stories of his favourite adventuring party as illustrated in the new edition of ‘Adventurers Weekly’.
Alone, in his room.

Lying on his bed, the child imagined the events as though he was there to witness. Slowly flipping away, page by page. He thought to himself, “Just one more page!”.
Despite the open book on his desk, he was too entranced by the exploits of his idols. Too entranced to notice the clatter outdoors.
Outside the small building, footsteps can be heard. A person, clad in black naught their eyes, was scaling the brown brick wall. Unnoticed by a living soul.
As they reached the window of the young, naughty boy, their paces abruptly stopped. After a few, light taps from the heel, they stomped. With a leap, they trespassed a private property.

The boy was surprised by the improvised acrobatic show. Reflexively, he recoiled and backed himself to the wall. In the process, his journal was thrown off the mattress.
With his vision subjected to the masked intruder, his heartbeats hurried. His breaths were erratic. Cold sweat dripped from his tanned skin.
Yet, he did not scream. As if being visited by a nightmare in a sleep paralysis, the boy was stunned.
He was fearful.
Afraid.

The intruder stood up and then turned to the child in front of them. With a deep voice, they spoke in an oddly calm manner.
“Hello there, boy.”

The boy did not answer. His voice was shackled by dread.

The intruder saw the journal lying on the floor. They then spoke once again,
“Seems like you’re quite fond of legends and adventures, aren’t you?”
“How about one last story about the fall of Rydyan, the elvish king?”

The boy was still locked in fear, keeping his silence. Tears can be seen forming in his eyes.
Step by step, the intruder approached the bed.

“Well, it’s a classic.” They regaled.
“King Rydyan received a prophecy that his granddaughter shall overthrow his rule. Wanting to prevent that from happening, he ordered his granddaughter to be thrown away.”
“We all know what happened next. The granddaughter learned of her heritage, and she grew up to resent the king. After she gained support from the people, Rydyan was overthrown.”

The boy stared in silence. He was backed into a corner, helpless.
His tan face paled; his body trembled. Tears rained down on his cheeks.

The intruder paused, as they slowly breathed. The reflections of their eyes became wavy, damming the sense of guilt. They tried to maintain composure, but slight trembles still escaped as they spoke yet again.
“You see, young lad. My end was written in the prophecies, with you as the bearer. And I will not make the same mistakes as others did.”

Their right hand reached for their hip, revealing a revolver. The boy wanted to yell, but his mouth was locked, bound by fright. He could only close his eyes.
His story would be a short one.
Then…

a thud.

Unexpectedly, the intruder instead lightly threw the gun at the boy. They then removed their mask, revealing the face of a pale human man. The boy’s eyes widened, for it was the face of his idol.
Julius Joules, the gunslinger of the adventuring party shown in the journal.

The man knelt. “This is no way to meet a fan, I know that.” He said as he gazed at the floor. A single tear raced down through his cheek.
“But I’m sorry, lad. Prophecy is prophecy, and I don’t want us to have a lifelong, bloody feud. So, let us just end this right here, right now, shall we?”

The boy was overwhelmed with emotions. A single drop of joy was there, as he saw his hero in person for the first time. Yet, it was overshadowed by the flood of confusion from the strange turn of events. Outshined by the tides of frustration from the unjustness of the world. Combined, they breached the walls of fear.
As the boy was no longer fettered by silence, a shout bolted from his throat.
“I don’t want to hurt you! Why do I even have to do this? You’re my hero!”

“Again, prophecy is prophecy. Run from it, and it’ll catch up anyway.” Said the adventurer, in an attempt to calm the boy and himself.
“And I can’t even try to deny this one, especially when it comes from the seers of the Ezthos Oracle.”

“NO! I don’t care if some old man from a bunch of stupid islands said that I have to hurt you, I won’t do it!” The boy protested. Stubborn.

Julius sighed, “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt me that much. Just follow my lead and it’ll be quick and painless, alright?” He held the boy’s hand and placed his gun in it. The boy pushed Julius away, adamantly rejecting the idea.

Outside, the commotion had not gone unnoticed. Rapid thumps can be heard approaching the room. As they stopped, the door was slammed wide open. A loud smack echoed through the room, marking the entrance of a middle-aged couple; interrupted the conversation between their child and his hero.
“Samar! Are you alright? What the hell is going on in here?” The mother shouted; a knife held high with her right hand.
As they were about to lunge at the trespasser, a shred of recognition flew, “Is… is that… Julius Joules?”

“Yes, it is me, in the flesh. You’ve come at an unfortunate time I’m afraid.”

“Is… Is that a GUN?” His father, holding a shovel, saw the object in Samar’s vicinity.
As the realisation came over them, they panicked. Yet, they did not lunge. They would not take chances like that, not against the famed adventurer.
The father dropped his shovel. “Please, PLEASE! I beg of you! Don’t hurt him! He’s just an innocent young boy! He’s the only one that we have!” He pleaded.
“I’ll give you anything! ANYTHING! Take our money, silverware, spices, just not our son’s life!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to hurt your son. And neither I yearn for your wealth. I’m here because of a prophecy.” Explained the adventurer.
“The wise seers of Ezthos Oracle declared that your son shall be the bearer of my end. I know how those stories end, so rather than trying to defy them, I’ll just let him fulfil his destiny. Right here, right now.”

“F*CK THOSE PROPHECIES!” Samar shouted, stunning all in the room. His parents might be upset about his choice of words, but there are more pressing matters at hand.
“Why should I care about what is written for me? Why can’t you just still go explore the world?” Said the boy.

“My son is right!” The father spoke, adding to his son’s wisdom,
“Why don’t you just let fate run its course? Why are you worrying about something so distant?”

Julius sighed, “Well, what if I turn evil in the future if we don’t do this now? What if wickedness overtakes me?”

“Are you evil now?” Asked the boy.

“Well, I don’t know." Answered the adventurer.
"I do try my best to help others, but…”

“Then you’re not evil, and you don’t deserve to be hurt! If you turned evil when I grow up, that’s adult me problem, not today’s me problem!” Said Samar.

“Again, he’s right.” The mother spoke,
“Just live your life, don’t let nonsense like that disturb you. You know, you and your adventures mean a lot to him, right?” She said as she pointed out the various journal clippings on the wall.

“But I…” Julius was speechless. Something had snapped within him.
He was maddened, his obsession with fate overtook him. But the words from the family broke his trance.
What has he done?

He trembled for a second, and all of a sudden, he hugged the boy. He was unable to maintain his calm any longer. His tears finally flew.
“I’m sorry, lad! I’m so sorry! You’re right, you don’t have to do this. You don’t deserve this, not this young.”

The boy wept again, overpowered by his feelings.
Julius Joules, his hero, hugged him. He had convinced the adventurer to stop his insane, prophecy-driven plan. Yet, what just happened was still fresh in the boy's memory, and he dreaded the fact that he would be his champion’s doom.
The parents hugged each other. Relieved. Their son is safe for now.

…

Tears stopped dropping from the adventurer. Calmed down, Julius released his hug, and then slowly walked to the window.
“I’m really sorry about all that happened tonight.” He spoke. “I’ll send compensation soon enough. We’ll meet again someday, hopefully not the way I would expect.”

Just before he left through where he came from, however, the boy’s mother interjected.
“Mr. Joules, please, stay a bit longer. We are just about to have dinner!” Said the woman.
“You’ve probably come a long way from here, and I think you looked a tad bit famished, dear.”

“I don’t think I deserve your kindness,” Replied the adventurer.
“Not after everything that just happened.”

“No, it’s alright. We insist!” Joined the father.
“We have enough for everyone!”

Not wanting to be rude, Julius could only accept.
“Very well. Who am I to be above the laws of hospitality?” He said as he put down his right leg from the window.

The mother spoke, “Good! Now, let me just run the pipes so we all can wash our faces!”
With a slight chuckle, she continued. “I know that we all need that after what just happened.”

"Oh please... You've offered so much already." Uttered Julius.
"Thank you." Said the adventurer; a smile formed on his face.

(To be continued?)

<< First Chapter
< Previous Chapter Next Chapter >
Madeline shuffled in her seat, eyes darting around the room, looking at anything and everything apart from Marcus as she tried to sift through her thoughts. Not that there was much to look at between the plain off-white walls and the worn grey carpet. The room was completely bare apart from the table she and the young guard were sitting at. She wondered what it was usually used for. A quiet office? An interrogation room? A holding cell? Or maybe it was reserved for just this — when an inmate wanted a quiet word with a guard.
Whatever it was used for, the room seemed designed to provide as little distraction as possible. But that was good, wasn’t it? No more delays. That was what she’d agreed with Billie. She would ask her questions now, and then it would be done. The chips would fall and if she got in trouble she could start picking up the pieces.
“Madeline?” Marcus prompted. “You really can ask me anything, you know. It might be hard to believe, but I promise that you can trust me.”
She finally let herself look at him, but her lips remained firmly sealed.
“Besides, I’d have thought you were keen to get this over with so you could go and have dinner.” He grinned at her, tilting his head to look out at her under raised eyebrows. “You’re normally very keen to eat.”
Though she couldn’t bring herself to laugh at his joke, it was reassuring how hard he was trying to be nice. She really wanted to believe that it couldn’t all be an act.
She nodded to herself, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just like I said earlier, I really don’t want to give you the wrong idea or get you in trouble or get me in trouble.” Shifting slightly under his steady gaze, she looked down at her fingers fidgeting and twisting together on the table.
Until a hand slid across into her eye line.
She froze.
Marcus froze too, his hand millimetres from her own. Then, it slid forward again and closed over hers. Though she tensed, she didn’t flinch or pull back. She slowly looked up and met his wide, kind eyes. “I… I was wondering if… I wanted to ask you about…” She closed her eyes and forced the words out. “Has anyone ever tried to escape from here before? And if so, what happened?”
The hand on hers twitched slightly but remained where it was. Surely that was a good sign?
She opened her eyes to see Marcus’s gaze fixed on her, his expression frustratingly neutral.
“Yes,” he said levelly. “People have tried to escape before. Of course they have. People value their freedom.”
“And?”
“And some managed. Though some of those were caught again, and it didn’t end well for them.”
“And those that didn’t manage?”
“It didn’t end well for them either. They tend to make an example of anyone who tries it.” The hand on hers finally slid back, but he leaned in closer, face twisted by concern. “Why are you asking this?”
Finally, one of the answers she’d rehearsed! “Well, I was just wondering about Billie’s brother — and anyone else we might want to enquire about. If they’d escaped or tried to escape, would they still be in the system? And would you be able to tell us about it, even if it wasn’t good news?”
His eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn’t call her out on what now seemed such an obvious lie. “They would still be in our system, yes. As for whether we would pass on the information as to what happened to them… That would depend on the good it could do.”
“Of course. I just know how much closure can help.”
“And that’s the only reason you’re asking?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
She nodded quickly. “Mmhhmm.”
“Because if there might be another reason, I would have to implore you in the strongest possible terms to reconsider whatever you might be planning. Because… Because like I said, it won’t end well.” He inched further towards her, leaning her across the table. “It won’t be by my hand, I can promise you that, but I can’t protect you from the others. And I really, really don’t want to see that happen to you, Madeline. I… I care about you.”
Madeline’s breath caught in her throat. For all Billie’s teasing, she hadn’t really, truly considered the possibility that they might be right. She’d never exactly been popular with boys, particularly with boys like Marcus — a fact that had never really bothered her. And what could she possibly have done to warrant his interest in her baggy shapeless work clothes?
“You remind me so much of my sister,” he continued, glancing down at his hands on the table.
She let out the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding.
“She’d have been about your age. She was shy at first too, but had an outrageous mouth on her once you got to know her. She was smart — always reading — and she was quiet and sweet… too sweet for this world.”
Now, it was Madeline’s turn to reach across the table, slipping her hand over his and squeezing gently. “Did you lose her?”
He shrugged. “I suppose I did in pretty much every sense of the word. Though perhaps I’ll never know for certain. So believe me when I say I know what you mean about the importance of closure.”
“What happened?”
Looking up to meet her gaze, he gave her a wan smile. “We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here to answer your questions.”
She smiled back. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But you’ve been such a help to me here. So if you ever want to talk about it, I’d love to listen.”
He was silent a while, expression glazed over as if his mind was elsewhere. Then, his eyes snapped back into focus as if a decision had been reached. “The short version is that we got separated, like so many people did in the early days. I spent a long time looking for her, and it led me here. I paid my dues and worked hard. When they told me she wasn’t in the system, I didn’t believe them. I figured if I became a guard I could check for myself and, well… it turned out they weren’t lying. Or if they were, they covered their tracks well.”
“I’m sorry that you couldn’t find her.”
“Me too.” Glancing back down, he placed his other hand over hers and squeezed slightly. “And I’d also be very sorry if anything happened to you. So please, Madeline, be careful. While I promise you can trust me, there’s not much I can do to help if you get in trouble. And I really couldn’t stand to see you get in trouble.”
“I promise that I’ll be careful,” she said. After all, it was technically true. And though she’d lied many times to survive in this world, it seemed wrong to repay Marcus’s honesty with her own dishonesty.
“And that includes not mentioning any of this to anyone else. If anyone asks, you were here to talk to me about Liam and ask about the arrangements for your family room, okay?”
“Okay. Actually, since you bring it up, are there any updates there?”
He snorted. “Trust me, as soon as there are any updates I will make sure you’re the first to know.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Madeline. You’re always welcome.” Pushing his chair back, he stood. “Now shall we get you back to the dormitory so you can get some dinner?”
She followed suit, chair scraping across the worn carpet. “That sounds good. And Marcus?”
“Hmmm?”
“I really do mean it. Thank you.”
On the walk back, Madeline felt lighter. She hadn’t exactly learned much, though she supposed she should take heart from the fact that some people had successfully escaped this place. But the thing putting a spring back into her step was the knowledge that she had a true friend on her side. And despite what Billie might say, she didn’t need to worry about giving him the wrong impression or any romantic overtures.
In fact, it turned out that Marcus was just like them. He’d come here in search of someone he’d loved and lost.
Madeline wondered how many of the other guards here had similar stories. She was sure that some were attracted to the role because of the power over others, but plenty of them seemed like nice enough human beings. When she’d first arrived, she hadn’t been able to fathom the sort of person who would willingly work for or with the Poiloogs — at least not one she’d like to meet. But perhaps the world was even less black and white than she’d thought.
She could even start to see a world where she’d be happy enough staying here.
Of course, she missed her freedom. Her books. Her library. But the work wasn’t too bad. She had food and a bed. She had Billie. And apparently, she had Marcus too. And soon, she’d have Liam. In a lot of ways, that was a better existence than the one she’d had just a year ago — free, but alone, surviving rather than living.
Author's Note: Next chapter due on 16th June

My mom has five kids, including me, by the end of the year they’ll be 10, 8, 6, and 4 while I’m 19. I live with my grandmother while they still live with her as I was abused for years. I would be forced to take care of them, I never had a social life, she threw chairs at me and screamed at me, told me all sorts of nasty things and chalked it up to just “being a black mom” and my family, as generational curses go, didn’t do anything either, they were there for me when I was younger but when I got to middle school I had to go live with her. She threw me out of the house all the time and I just had to walk around even in pitch black night all by myself because she was mad, she’d call the police and I was always brought back as if I chose to run away. The straw that broke the canals back was one night when I was 17, I was getting in from work around 10 and she’s already mad when I get in the door. I get to my room and my pc is gone, context, this was my only form of happiness, I built this pc, bought every part for it and this was the only way I could enjoy myself. This is the first time I talked back, I asked where it was and she said she put it away, I asked her why and she said because I don’t do anything around the house which isn’t true, she’s just lazy and messy and doesn’t clean up after herself at 39 years old which is ridiculous because I was just a kid. She gets mad and things start escalating and she tells me to get out, I oblige but then she asks for my phone which I say no because my grandmother told me whenever I get kicked out, especially at night, I need to keep my phone on me, it was about to die anyway as it was at 2 percent, but she starts pushing me against the wall and trying to take it, eventually I BARELY shove her back and she loses it, starts punching and hitting me and stomping on me, she gets me to a point on the wall and pushes me to which she split my head open and I start bleeding and screaming, I drop my phone and she gets it, but she dropped her phone so I pick it up and call 911 and start screaming my address into the phone, she gets it and hits me more and I get out of the house, no glasses so I can’t see, blood going down my back and just losing my mind screaming and crying, I get further and there’s a lady outside her house and I walk up and ask for help, they see me looking like Carrie and call the police and my grandmother who lives about four hours away. My mom gets arrested and has to go to anger management classes and the kids get put with my cousin and their father, who isn’t any better for a bit. I get placed with my grandma and have lived with her up until now. The funny part is after a month or two my mother comes to where I am and moves her and the kids here, not in the house but in the same city, we ‘reconcile’ for the most part and everything’s "good.”Here’s what the current problem is, my siblings have been growing up in that environment where nothing has changed and shes still angry and stressed out, I get that, hurt people hurt people, but the boys, the two middle children, get punched and beat on and thrown around like its nobody’s business, it hurts my heart to just sit by and pretty much do nothing but call them sometimes and tell my babies how much I love them. I feel so helpless and I’ve given her so many chances, I felt like she would change so many times but to no avail because people don’t usually change. So here’s what happened yesterday, me and my nana (grandma) were picking up some food, and by the graces of god we just happen to be going down a road near her place and see my little brothers 8 and 6 just walking down the road, I run out of the car to go get them and they start begging to go to nanas house and unfortunately we take them back to their house, where the neighbors are outside and worried about them as well, saying they snuck out of the back door and that this is the second time the oldest has done this, trying to escape to anybody because of what he’s going through. He’s also autistic, but high functioning, and as a little boy, has so much pent up rage and sadness because of what she’s been going through. My little sisters, 10 and 4 are trying to wake her up to no avail, so I go in the house and wake her up, I find out later she was drinking and passed out asleep. They get back to the house and I walk them to the door, and in front of everyone she grabs them by their shoulders and throw them into the house. I walk in and shut the door behind them saying that she can’t do that in front of people as they’ll call cps, and that she shouldn’t have done that at all. She pretty much ignores me and starts punching them and screaming at them that their father doesn’t want them and that she’s all they have. I leave because my nana has to go to work, I wish I would’ve stayed, or done anything, but I hate being in that environment just as much as they do. Now I’m here, I called her and she basically told me she’s not gonna get help for herself and that I should call cps, because “she’s a good mom and she’s not gonna get the kids taken away, and she’s trying her best.” Her words. My question is as an older sister what do I do? What can I do to remedy this, I don’t want her to go to jail but she deserves it, I don’t want my siblings to be split up because they’re all they have, I don’t want them to go with their father cause that might be worse. The cps in my town is rated poorly and sucks for never getting anything done and not doing anything for children. I’m not sure what I should do but I can’t sit by idle and let this keep happening. Should I tell her that they’re coming if I call? Please help.

Link to serial master post for other chapters
Madeline shuffled in her seat, eyes darting around the room, looking at anything and everything apart from Marcus as she tried to sift through her thoughts. Not that there was much to look at between the plain off-white walls and the worn grey carpet. The room was completely bare apart from the table she and the young guard were sitting at. She wondered what it was usually used for. A quiet office? An interrogation room? A holding cell? Or maybe it was reserved for just this — when an inmate wanted a quiet word with a guard.
Whatever it was used for, the room seemed designed to provide as little distraction as possible. But that was good, wasn’t it? No more delays. That was what she’d agreed with Billie. She would ask her questions now, and then it would be done. The chips would fall and if she got in trouble she could start picking up the pieces.
“Madeline?” Marcus prompted. “You really can ask me anything, you know. It might be hard to believe, but I promise that you can trust me.”
She finally let herself look at him, but her lips remained firmly sealed.
“Besides, I’d have thought you were keen to get this over with so you could go and have dinner.” He grinned at her, tilting his head to look out at her under raised eyebrows. “You’re normally very keen to eat.”
Though she couldn’t bring herself to laugh at his joke, it was reassuring how hard he was trying to be nice. She really wanted to believe that it couldn’t all be an act.
She nodded to herself, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just like I said earlier, I really don’t want to give you the wrong idea or get you in trouble or get me in trouble.” Shifting slightly under his steady gaze, she looked down at her fingers fidgeting and twisting together on the table.
Until a hand slid across into her eye line.
She froze.
Marcus froze too, his hand millimetres from her own. Then, it slid forward again and closed over hers. Though she tensed, she didn’t flinch or pull back. She slowly looked up and met his wide, kind eyes. “I… I was wondering if… I wanted to ask you about…” She closed her eyes and forced the words out. “Has anyone ever tried to escape from here before? And if so, what happened?”
The hand on hers twitched slightly but remained where it was. Surely that was a good sign?
She opened her eyes to see Marcus’s gaze fixed on her, his expression frustratingly neutral.
“Yes,” he said levelly. “People have tried to escape before. Of course they have. People value their freedom.”
“And?”
“And some managed. Though some of those were caught again, and it didn’t end well for them.”
“And those that didn’t manage?”
“It didn’t end well for them either. They tend to make an example of anyone who tries it.” The hand on hers finally slid back, but he leaned in closer, face twisted by concern. “Why are you asking this?”
Finally, one of the answers she’d rehearsed! “Well, I was just wondering about Billie’s brother — and anyone else we might want to enquire about. If they’d escaped or tried to escape, would they still be in the system? And would you be able to tell us about it, even if it wasn’t good news?”
His eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn’t call her out on what now seemed such an obvious lie. “They would still be in our system, yes. As for whether we would pass on the information as to what happened to them… That would depend on the good it could do.”
“Of course. I just know how much closure can help.”
“And that’s the only reason you’re asking?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
She nodded quickly. “Mmhhmm.”
“Because if there might be another reason, I would have to implore you in the strongest possible terms to reconsider whatever you might be planning. Because… Because like I said, it won’t end well.” He inched further towards her, leaning her across the table. “It won’t be by my hand, I can promise you that, but I can’t protect you from the others. And I really, really don’t want to see that happen to you, Madeline. I… I care about you.”
Madeline’s breath caught in her throat. For all Billie’s teasing, she hadn’t really, truly considered the possibility that they might be right. She’d never exactly been popular with boys, particularly with boys like Marcus — a fact that had never really bothered her. And what could she possibly have done to warrant his interest in her baggy shapeless work clothes?
“You remind me so much of my sister,” he continued, glancing down at his hands on the table.
She let out the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding.
“She’d have been about your age. She was shy at first too, but had an outrageous mouth on her once you got to know her. She was smart — always reading — and she was quiet and sweet… too sweet for this world.”
Now, it was Madeline’s turn to reach across the table, slipping her hand over his and squeezing gently. “Did you lose her?”
He shrugged. “I suppose I did in pretty much every sense of the word. Though perhaps I’ll never know for certain. So believe me when I say I know what you mean about the importance of closure.”
“What happened?”
Looking up to meet her gaze, he gave her a wan smile. “We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here to answer your questions.”
She smiled back. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But you’ve been such a help to me here. So if you ever want to talk about it, I’d love to listen.”
He was silent a while, expression glazed over as if his mind was elsewhere. Then, his eyes snapped back into focus as if a decision had been reached. “The short version is that we got separated, like so many people did in the early days. I spent a long time looking for her, and it led me here. I paid my dues and worked hard. When they told me she wasn’t in the system, I didn’t believe them. I figured if I became a guard I could check for myself and, well… it turned out they weren’t lying. Or if they were, they covered their tracks well.”
“I’m sorry that you couldn’t find her.”
“Me too.” Glancing back down, he placed his other hand over hers and squeezed slightly. “And I’d also be very sorry if anything happened to you. So please, Madeline, be careful. While I promise you can trust me, there’s not much I can do to help if you get in trouble. And I really couldn’t stand to see you get in trouble.”
“I promise that I’ll be careful,” she said. After all, it was technically true. And though she’d lied many times to survive in this world, it seemed wrong to repay Marcus’s honesty with her own dishonesty.
“And that includes not mentioning any of this to anyone else. If anyone asks, you were here to talk to me about Liam and ask about the arrangements for your family room, okay?”
“Okay. Actually, since you bring it up, are there any updates there?”
He snorted. “Trust me, as soon as there are any updates I will make sure you’re the first to know.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Madeline. You’re always welcome.” Pushing his chair back, he stood. “Now shall we get you back to the dormitory so you can get some dinner?”
She followed suit, chair scraping across the worn carpet. “That sounds good. And Marcus?”
“Hmmm?”
“I really do mean it. Thank you.”
On the walk back, Madeline felt lighter. She hadn’t exactly learned much, though she supposed she should take heart from the fact that some people had successfully escaped this place. But the thing putting a spring back into her step was the knowledge that she had a true friend on her side. And despite what Billie might say, she didn’t need to worry about giving him the wrong impression or any romantic overtures.
In fact, it turned out that Marcus was just like them. He’d come here in search of someone he’d loved and lost.
Madeline wondered how many of the other guards here had similar stories. She was sure that some were attracted to the role because of the power over others, but plenty of them seemed like nice enough human beings. When she’d first arrived, she hadn’t been able to fathom the sort of person who would willingly work for or with the Poiloogs — at least not one she’d like to meet. But perhaps the world was even less black and white than she’d thought.
She could even start to see a world where she’d be happy enough staying here.
Of course, she missed her freedom. Her books. Her library. But the work wasn’t too bad. She had food and a bed. She had Billie. And apparently, she had Marcus too. And soon, she’d have Liam. In a lot of ways, that was a better existence than the one she’d had just a year ago — free, but alone, surviving rather than living.
Author's Note: Next chapter due on 16th June

Madeline shuffled in her seat, eyes darting around the room, looking at anything and everything apart from Marcus as she tried to sift through her thoughts. Not that there was much to look at between the plain off-white walls and the worn grey carpet. The room was completely bare apart from the table she and the young guard were sitting at. She wondered what it was usually used for. A quiet office? An interrogation room? A holding cell? Or maybe it was reserved for just this — when an inmate wanted a quiet word with a guard.
Whatever it was used for, the room seemed designed to provide as little distraction as possible. But that was good, wasn’t it? No more delays. That was what she’d agreed with Billie. She would ask her questions now, and then it would be done. The chips would fall and if she got in trouble she could start picking up the pieces.
“Madeline?” Marcus prompted. “You really can ask me anything, you know. It might be hard to believe, but I promise that you can trust me.”
She finally let herself look at him, but her lips remained firmly sealed.
“Besides, I’d have thought you were keen to get this over with so you could go and have dinner.” He grinned at her, tilting his head to look out at her under raised eyebrows. “You’re normally very keen to eat.”
Though she couldn’t bring herself to laugh at his joke, it was reassuring how hard he was trying to be nice. She really wanted to believe that it couldn’t all be an act.
She nodded to herself, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just like I said earlier, I really don’t want to give you the wrong idea or get you in trouble or get me in trouble.” Shifting slightly under his steady gaze, she looked down at her fingers fidgeting and twisting together on the table.
Until a hand slid across into her eye line.
She froze.
Marcus froze too, his hand millimetres from her own. Then, it slid forward again and closed over hers. Though she tensed, she didn’t flinch or pull back. She slowly looked up and met his wide, kind eyes. “I… I was wondering if… I wanted to ask you about…” She closed her eyes and forced the words out. “Has anyone ever tried to escape from here before? And if so, what happened?”
The hand on hers twitched slightly but remained where it was. Surely that was a good sign?
She opened her eyes to see Marcus’s gaze fixed on her, his expression frustratingly neutral.
“Yes,” he said levelly. “People have tried to escape before. Of course they have. People value their freedom.”
“And?”
“And some managed. Though some of those were caught again, and it didn’t end well for them.”
“And those that didn’t manage?”
“It didn’t end well for them either. They tend to make an example of anyone who tries it.” The hand on hers finally slid back, but he leaned in closer, face twisted by concern. “Why are you asking this?”
Finally, one of the answers she’d rehearsed! “Well, I was just wondering about Billie’s brother — and anyone else we might want to enquire about. If they’d escaped or tried to escape, would they still be in the system? And would you be able to tell us about it, even if it wasn’t good news?”
His eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn’t call her out on what now seemed such an obvious lie. “They would still be in our system, yes. As for whether we would pass on the information as to what happened to them… That would depend on the good it could do.”
“Of course. I just know how much closure can help.”
“And that’s the only reason you’re asking?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
She nodded quickly. “Mmhhmm.”
“Because if there might be another reason, I would have to implore you in the strongest possible terms to reconsider whatever you might be planning. Because… Because like I said, it won’t end well.” He inched further towards her, leaning her across the table. “It won’t be by my hand, I can promise you that, but I can’t protect you from the others. And I really, really don’t want to see that happen to you, Madeline. I… I care about you.”
Madeline’s breath caught in her throat. For all Billie’s teasing, she hadn’t really, truly considered the possibility that they might be right. She’d never exactly been popular with boys, particularly with boys like Marcus — a fact that had never really bothered her. And what could she possibly have done to warrant his interest in her baggy shapeless work clothes?
“You remind me so much of my sister,” he continued, glancing down at his hands on the table.
She let out the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding.
“She’d have been about your age. She was shy at first too, but had an outrageous mouth on her once you got to know her. She was smart — always reading — and she was quiet and sweet… too sweet for this world.”
Now, it was Madeline’s turn to reach across the table, slipping her hand over his and squeezing gently. “Did you lose her?”
He shrugged. “I suppose I did in pretty much every sense of the word. Though perhaps I’ll never know for certain. So believe me when I say I know what you mean about the importance of closure.”
“What happened?”
Looking up to meet her gaze, he gave her a wan smile. “We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here to answer your questions.”
She smiled back. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But you’ve been such a help to me here. So if you ever want to talk about it, I’d love to listen.”
He was silent a while, expression glazed over as if his mind was elsewhere. Then, his eyes snapped back into focus as if a decision had been reached. “The short version is that we got separated, like so many people did in the early days. I spent a long time looking for her, and it led me here. I paid my dues and worked hard. When they told me she wasn’t in the system, I didn’t believe them. I figured if I became a guard I could check for myself and, well… it turned out they weren’t lying. Or if they were, they covered their tracks well.”
“I’m sorry that you couldn’t find her.”
“Me too.” Glancing back down, he placed his other hand over hers and squeezed slightly. “And I’d also be very sorry if anything happened to you. So please, Madeline, be careful. While I promise you can trust me, there’s not much I can do to help if you get in trouble. And I really couldn’t stand to see you get in trouble.”
“I promise that I’ll be careful,” she said. After all, it was technically true. And though she’d lied many times to survive in this world, it seemed wrong to repay Marcus’s honesty with her own dishonesty.
“And that includes not mentioning any of this to anyone else. If anyone asks, you were here to talk to me about Liam and ask about the arrangements for your family room, okay?”
“Okay. Actually, since you bring it up, are there any updates there?”
He snorted. “Trust me, as soon as there are any updates I will make sure you’re the first to know.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Madeline. You’re always welcome.” Pushing his chair back, he stood. “Now shall we get you back to the dormitory so you can get some dinner?”
She followed suit, chair scraping across the worn carpet. “That sounds good. And Marcus?”
“Hmmm?”
“I really do mean it. Thank you.”
On the walk back, Madeline felt lighter. She hadn’t exactly learned much, though she supposed she should take heart from the fact that some people had successfully escaped this place. But the thing putting a spring back into her step was the knowledge that she had a true friend on her side. And despite what Billie might say, she didn’t need to worry about giving him the wrong impression or any romantic overtures.
In fact, it turned out that Marcus was just like them. He’d come here in search of someone he’d loved and lost.
Madeline wondered how many of the other guards here had similar stories. She was sure that some were attracted to the role because of the power over others, but plenty of them seemed like nice enough human beings. When she’d first arrived, she hadn’t been able to fathom the sort of person who would willingly work for or with the Poiloogs — at least not one she’d like to meet. But perhaps the world was even less black and white than she’d thought.
She could even start to see a world where she’d be happy enough staying here.
Of course, she missed her freedom. Her books. Her library. But the work wasn’t too bad. She had food and a bed. She had Billie. And apparently, she had Marcus too. And soon, she’d have Liam. In a lot of ways, that was a better existence than the one she’d had just a year ago — free, but alone, surviving rather than living.

My in-laws don’t believe in illness
Am I crazy for not wanting my in-laws near my new born ?
Buckle in because this might be kind of long, I want to give as much context as possible. I (23F) grew up as second oldest (oldest girl) in a family with 6 kids. I was 14 when my youngest brother was born, so I grew up helping take care of the kids and being very involved. I was taught to always wash your hands before holding or touching someone’s baby. Honestly even if you didn’t plan on holding the baby, if you walked into a house with a new born… you washed your hands. While holding/touching the baby you NEVER touch their face, hands, or feet (because they put in their feet and hands in their mouth) and you most definitely never kiss a baby that isn’t yours. This was strictly enforced and I really never thought much of it because that all makes sense to me.
We also didn’t go to someone’s house/ have people over if someone in our house was sick. I do remember missing out on a family Christmas party when I was young due to me being sick, but it was how it was. That was normal.
So fast forward to a couple years ago my husband I welcomed our daughter into the world. I definitely had a lot of anxiety around her getting sick, but no more than what I feel like other new moms go through. When my family/friends came to visit they would always wash their hands. While my mom was there she was on top of it making sure all my younger siblings washed their hands/followed the other rules and I really appreciated it. When we had my in-laws over for the first time… no one even made a move to wash their hands. I kind of awkwardly reminded everyone before they held the baby but they all were touching her hands and feet and smooching her face.
I was genuinely horrified, but didn’t say anything. After they left I brought it up to my husband and asked why they didn’t follow my rules. My husband was genuinely confused and said he had never heard of the hands and feet thing and that wasn’t something he was ever taught growing up. He comes from a family of four kids with them all close in age so he doesn’t have any memories of his siblings as babies or anything. I explained why It was important to me and he completely understood.
So to save me some awkwardness we decided that I was in charge of enforcing any boundaries with my family and he with his. It went okay for a couple weeks but I started having to remind my husband to remind his family. As my daughter got a little older it became less of a big deal and it was fine. THEN we ran into a new set of issues.
When my daughter was about 6months old my husband’s grandmother hosted a family bbq because one of the cousins had just had a baby 2 weeks ago and everyone wanted to meet him. The days leading up to it my daughter and I both came down with a cold. The day of my husband came in and was like “okay when do you want to leave” I was confused and explained that we couldn’t go because our daughter and I were sick. ESPECIALLY because there was going to be a newborn at the party. If I was that baby’s mother and someone showed up sick to a party with my newborn I would literally throw hands. My husband was so confused by this and said that his family would be upset if we didn’t show. I told him to just explain that we were sick and they would understand. He explained that they wouldn’t and that they would be upset. I told him that besides not wanting to spread our cold, our daughter didn’t feel good. The last thing I wanted was to have her passed around to 20 plus people. He eventually agreed and went to the bbq by himself.
Low and behold he was right and the family was offended that I didn’t show up. I was annoyed but we moved past it. Over the years there have been a couple of instances but nothing too bad until this past Mother’s Day.
Currently my daughter is 3 and I am pregnant with our second. Now during my pregnancies I get what’s called HG or Hypermesis Gravardium. It’s a pregnancy condition that causes EXTREME vomiting to the point of weight loss and dehydration. Often resulting in trips to the hospital for fluids and IV treatments. In my case I throw up about 8-12 times a day till about 20 weeks and it lessens to about 4-6 times a day until the day I give birth. Honestly? I barely feel like a person during this.
So on Mother’s Day we show up to my in laws house where my husbands younger brother and his girlfriend also live along with their 2 and 1 yr old boys. We walk outside and both of my nephews have crusty boogers all over their nose and crusty red eyes. I immediately got stressed. I’m already sick all the time I can’t add to it. Plus I can barely take care of my daughter during the day let alone if she were to get sick. I sat away from them and just didn’t say anything. While we were sitting there they start talking about how they have all been sick all week and now FIL wasn’t feeling good so he was inside laying down. I was fuming that they couldn’t have just let us know before hand. I would have chosen not to come and just facetimed MIL instead. I didn’t say anything to my husband though because I didn’t want him to feel like I was attacking his family.
Well we got home and by Monday night we were all sick. My daughter ended up not getting to bad and was okay after a couple days. I however, would cough and it trigger coming. I would sneeze and it would trigger vomiting. This lasted two fucking weeks. My husband ended up mentioning it to his brother and he just said “oh shit haha guess we got everyone sick” I lost it. I had a full pregnant woman sobbing meltdown about how I felt no respect from his family and I think I hurt my husbands feelings. My baby is due in October and my anxiety about him being around my husbands family for the holidays has me in a chokehold. It’s RSV season and I’m going to be begging everyone to wash their hands. Are they going to show up to family parties with sick kids? How do I get the message across without offending them? Or are these Boundries over top and my mom was just way too scared of illness. I’m at a point of telling my husband I don’t want his family near my baby while he is little, even though I know that’s not fair.

I took my son (4 years old) to my mothe father in laws house over summer break as they live in Orlando and have Disney access. I’ve been solo taking my 4 year old toddler to Disney / universal every single day for the last 12 days. I’m drained. My husband and I were in a really good place before I left. I saw a note alert pop up on my sons I pad ( I completely forgot it was linked to my husbands I cloud ) I saw a check list of notes of firearms / related things he’s been collecting / purchasing. I explicitly had many many talks with him over the past year that I do not feel comfortable over him purchase AR-15s . I personally do not see a need for one. My husband previous purchased a handgun without any discussion and hid it away (which I found while putting away his laundry). It made logical sense to have one handgun in the house ( for home protection/ he conceals carry etc) he has spiraled into an obsession of buying assault rifles. He till this day doesn’t have a safe for his gun ( which should have been a damn priority before even getting the gun) and puts it in his bedside where our toddler can easily access. His reasoning for wanting an assault rifle is that what happened to Louisiana Looting could happen to us and he’s trying to gas light me into thinking it’s to protect us. I said no. He doesn’t even properly store his handgun right now I do not want to think about what he would do with an assault rifle. Leave it in the back of his closet???? Yesterday I had a strange sense of women’s intuition and decided to ask for our bank account password ( I never keep track of all of them only major credit cards) he was hesitant but gave it to me I saw one $200 charge to a Zelle and I asked him to explain it. He told me he purchased a gun part from his buddy at work. I was super upset and asked him how much else has he spent he told me that was it. Last night I decided to go to my sons I pad on the notes ( linked to his I cloud ) where I saw he kept all his passwords. I saw something label as PP which i assumed PayPal? I didn’t recognize the email. Over the last couple weeks he spent nearly 2k sending it to different people selling stuff over reddit. He purchased a 1k head phone ( starting to question are you really trying to “protect your family with your 1k head phones”. He’s been gathering and buying stuff in secret without my knowledge. The most painful part was since we bought plane tickets / our vaccum broke this month , and bought couple other major expenses. He told me to be careful and use bare minimum at Florida. I was planning to take him to Lego land which in total a 2 day ticket for us only costed $170 and I told him I’ll be passing this time because of the money and taking him to another day of Hollywood studios as my fil was a former cast member and gets us in for free, and he encouraged it. My son and I haven’t ate a single day out in the last 12 days. I had two coupons my fil gave me as Disney sends him annual coupons for food and stuff and I’ve been spacing them out. I’ve been packing his lunch and for my self starving or eating the few snacks I packed till I got back to his house. I didn’t take my son or buy him anything else then free activity. All for my husband to blow 2k in 5 days. I tried talking to him and he at first said he did it in secret because I wouldn’t allow him. Then he tried to gaslight me into saying if I didn’t leave ( keep in mind to his parents house for our toddler to have fun as we live in a rural area) that he wouldn’t have had a chance to buy it. Is this really my fault? That I’m not okay with an assault rifle in our house? I already have okayed the handgun he bought in secret. I’m really mentally exhausted and feel like since I’m a stay at home mom to our 4 year old that it’s not my money but his .

MAIORES. IV, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

This subject follows along from the general conclusion of infantilism, i.e. if we agree that infantilism exists in a culture that therefore all aspects of (such a culture) must be examined as to how they are impacted ‘by’ that infantilism, as: infantilism constitutes an undeveloped form of a thing; here (without covering absolutely every single aspect of it, as this could be a book in and of itself) we explore ‘sexual immaturity’ and its promulgation and consequences (of which we could easily make the case of the consequences as to be the cause of ‘all social ill’).
In an anthropological view; as if like we are looking at a chimpanzee colony, both procreation and familial-tribal child-raising takes place in our contemporary Western societies in a very clumsy sort of way; with the latter (i.e. the actual raising of children) not occurring at all, with the consequence of ‘arrested development’ – usually we would recognize and name it as that, if we ever thought very deeply about it:
However, the notion that all of this could be reduced to and fathomed as ‘sexual immaturity’ is an interesting (and unexplored) avenue to approach these matters from; certainly the act of actual procreation is deliberately accidental (I mean here in the contemporary West) in that a Woman does “not seek a mate” and then become pregnant, i.e. she does not even consider the sexual act to be procreative, rather: she accidentally becomes pregnant (“it was a miracle”), having beforehand and all throughout the duration and beyond it a culture which is far detached from the physical reality of things and thus a new human is created with no forethought for its care or provision and no security net in place to provide for it and ensure its prosperity and intelligent up-bringing, and increasingly there are fewer and fewer intelligent older persons around who are capable of providing the education and care for that child as would naturally exist in the large familial-tribal unit of an extended family where, historically, we all came from and of which is still the norm across much of the world (i.e. village elders who would otherwise raise the children up to be intelligent even if the Mother herself is too young to be a real parent - if we imagine as the species norm would be that most Women historically had their first child at around the age of fourteen or fifteen). Without, then, that familial-tribal unit to instruct and care for the child’s intellectual development and without either land to make a living from to provide for it's economic development then we find a cursed life, that is: a life far more difficult than it otherwise ought be had it been born in a more wisely chosen environment.
My point here is that ‘procreation’ is considered almost never at all by our society as being the most basic step in the creation and promulgation ‘of’ a tribal unit; with procreation itself being left down to blind chance and more often either legitimately accidentally or feigned accidently so as to attempt to cement a relationship (see: divorce and break-up rates in the West), either way this is the material circumstance into which children are born.
To say, then, that not grasping this reality ‘is’ itself a product of sexual immaturity; i.e. a Woman who does not understand what a new human is, seems to me to be far more of an accurate view of the thing than to declare it as ‘sexual immorality’ as it is usually insisted by the Abramic types, as: rather obviously it is ‘Sexual Immaturity’ rather than ‘Sexual Immorality’ that is the really cause of (the above scenario), that is: it is not Men and Women knowing too much about sex but of Men and Women knowing virtually nothing at all and therefore absent of a practice and familiarity necessary for Sexual Maturity, with Sexual Maturity itself being the very thing declared to be Immorality - an irreconcilable paradox.
It seems to me, then, that the habits we observe of ‘accidental pregnancy’ are the natural occurrence in such an unnatural society; that is: a consequence of misplaced moralism over the vital mechanical sexual functions of the human body (a thing which may well dominate and drive our unconsciousness entirely) have been rendered so alien to our expression and consideration but of which are so incessant and irrepressible; that sexual release is habitually denied, I mean here societally (i.e. “it is not polite”), and only finds ‘permission’ to appear in extreme drunkenness in fits of frenzy, and so on, so that when procreation actually occurs it is sporadic and neither at that moment nor before it was the adult rational mind involved – again, this is plainly a consequence of ‘sexual immaturity’ ‘before’ it could ever be said to be a consequence of ‘sexual immorality’.
It’s worth considering, of our own society in contemporary times, how far removed we are from most of the world which practices arrange marriages in one form or another (i.e. whether we are speaking of large tribal units or smaller family units) and what the consequence of this is on our own communities being absent of that; that is: the most fertile years of our lives are not spent having gotten procreation out of the way by having five or six children by the age of twenty or nineteen (so that when the child is fifteen you might be thirty, which seems to be the age where the sexual drive begins to dissipate or has anyway lost its novelty), and instead (i.e. without of being match-made far earlier in life) procreation instead occurs – if it does at all – accidentally and well-past the most fertile and healthy years, with such children being often quite sickly and the strain on the body being significantly more risky to the Mother (haphazardly enabled only then by massive external resources which would not have been required at all beforehand). I do not mean to seem as if I am advocating “having five or six children by the age of twenty or nineteen” only that in our natural environment this has always been the way of the thing due to natural sexual exploration when we are at that age.
At the same time, at the beginning and at the end of this “waste of time” (as I would say) of those most fertile years in which our sexuality is forbidden to us; that culture which we examine here as being simply Sexual Immaturity, it has been the case that that “Immaturity” persists well into later life by those afflicted adults who were forbidden to practise their natural sexuality when they were at the age where they wanted to, that is that the culture and mentality of such persons subjected to such restrictions quite demonstrably can be shown to have regressed them to the point that, as then as adults, they dress as children, speak and think as children, shun adult responsibility and seem altogether to have matured intellectually no further than the age of twelve or thirteen years, despite physiologically and neurologically having surpassed far beyond that early almost larval-like stage of our development where the body and mind are both only partially formed.
Instead it has been the “dragging-out” of that childlike insensibility, again: to no useful outcome, which has by that point in time essentially mitigated most of their procreative potentiality in that 1) physically having children is then far more difficult for them, and 2) they are now twenty-five years behind where their familial-tribal unit might otherwise have been, i.e. they do not have five or six twenty year old children bringing in incomes to the Household (to purchase a Household in the first place if they did not possess one before) or working the land (or likewise to purchase land) so that their prosperity will not have developed beyond mere subsistence off of the external labour market so as to escape the poverty and dependency traps inherent in the cities – which nominally constitutes their entire existence ‘to’ escape such miseries. All in all it is a lot of hard work by that point and I could not help but notice, of my own generation and those slightly older, how this outcome would have been entirely altered and set on a more prosperous trajectory if, say, at the age of sixteen a couple had been put together and had a few children, as: by the age of twenty the best seeds would have been sewn and they would not have to even think about “having children” ever again which is itself a thing, I observe anyway, that is so daunting and bothersome later in life that it really is something better gotten out of the way as early as possible in the manner that we would have done quite naturally otherwise.
If the idea here is to build up that familial-tribal unit then this methodology serves the purpose in the most optimal manner; the adults are freed up and enjoy their liberties, the younger adults (i.e. the teenagers) are preoccupied quite happily fulfilling their single greatest biological urges to have sex as much as they like, and the population figures begin to climb up at a rate of replacement which is far superior, e.g. a thirty year old parent of a fifteen year old only has five years before that fifteen year becomes a physically matured adult ready to contribute to the unit, whereas by contrast a thirty year old parent of a five year old has a great longer time to wait for physical maturity so that the distance between the two age groups becomes fragile and thin the further it is stretched with a concurrent loss of replacement manpower by a space of ten additional years.
There is something to be said for the older more experienced Father, of course, I remember quite well that the children I grew up with whose Fathers were in their forties and fifties and whose Mothers were in their twenties or very early thirties were quite better-off in their disposition and intelligence (whilst those with older Mothers tended to be sickly in one way or another); simply put though I think it is more to do with the experience of age as the influencing factor than anything else and a functional familial-tribal unit would have this influence in far greater capacity.
If we add to this factor the notion of polygamy (something shunned as ‘pagan’ by the Abramic religions yet advocated for in their own holy books, indeed: it was the universal norm) then we find the whole circle being completed in that young teenagers do as they please with each other, becoming familiar with relationship and their sexuality, and then when they reach a more mature age they might marry each other or other people properly so as to begin families of their own; but that by that age they may well have produced several children already via multiple partners so that the actual ‘legitimate children’ (in the sense of inheriting land and titles) of a more formal marriage is superfluous to population replacement insofar as the tribe is concerned, as: they have already increased the headcount quite massively by comparison. It is worth mentioning here the legal problems of land inheritance and the seeming inability for people to ever work this all out amongst themselves as being one of the most desirable points of the introduction of some of the Abramic religions, when they first appeared, as rules were laid out of who could inherit (some rules more effective than others, some quite ruinous in fact) which provided a framework in perpetuity (but on the other hand, with all children being considered legitimate in some instances, i.e. the children of concubines, this produced the problem of “all children” being in competition for the single title or, in turn, a vast spread of land, i.e. a Kingdom, being broken apart “to make it all fair”: this did not differ in form from, say, Imperial China to the late Ottoman court whilst the European Monarchies to their credit, somewhat, temporarily solved the matter by the allocation of specific titles to be given to the first born, second born, third born, etc., and then bouncing back to the Monarch upon the death of that Duke to be allocated again – although some would say this is a feeble manner by which to govern large polities it differs not very much from the essential ‘oversight’ duties over local governments as practiced in the Roman Principate rather than direct-governorship over those provinces themselves).
The tribal influence in real terms upon children cannot be understated in its superior effects upon the character and long-term capacity of the children themselves (when compared to others); I have some experience in my own up-bringing with this and really the outcome (again: compared to the infantilism, i.e. arrested development, you will almost always find in the nuclear family type, which we might easily compare to factory farmed within four walls and a hen-pecking parental authority vs. free range) is a quite more matured and capable disposition (call it “street smarts” if you like; they follow what actually works rather than what is ‘pretended to them’ to work, which is typically nothing more than the parents own whimsical desires of the moment) amongst all the children when they are simply freed up from the poor influence of an unfit parent even without the good influence of a more fit parent of which, then, the fit parent itself could be determined to be largely superfluous, as: of their own accord they learn amongst themselves and become naturally fortified against being instructed into error by a witless or ill-inclined adult, whereas a child stuck under the thumb of a witless ‘parent’ has no means to disobey that witless parent without facing severe punishments and so there the child is sculpted into a helpless fool, later embittered in life and at the tender mercy of their peers, as: even as they might innately know-better (than to do the foolish thing their parent demands they do) they are forced nevertheless, either physically punished or emotionally coerced, into adopting the ‘silly walk’ and ‘dress’ of the witless parent, which is to say: they are forced into conforming toward the cultural idealism determined by the parent with no thought whatsoever for the practicalities of life, e.g. the matter of “how will my child earn a living” is addressed neither by parenting nor by schools thus begrudgingly selling themselves auction block of the labour market turns out to be the only method, whether they were deluded into thinking that their aspirations to be a professional athlete or an astronaut were entertained and encouraged for them at the expense of informing them about any other means of paying the rent or not.
I should say here that when I say “familial-tribal unit” I am broadly referring to any number of groupings, in whatsoever local forms they may take shape, but that the decisive factor, most chiefly, will be a large extended family network of which, if it ever needed to pool its resource together, would constitute a decent size force in land, resource production and manpower – but chiefly it is the possession of land which enables everything else:
More ideally, to my mind, it would resemble (or be very close in composition to) that Roman ‘Familia’ (the origin of the word ‘Family’ in our English) where a fairly large blood family of at least five generations inhabited in and around the same House or group of Houses (see: Palace, Villa and Manor Economy), with servants and adoptees and associates (business partners) likewise being considered as extended kin; altogether forming, as it were, a little nationality. In the sense of ‘Nationality’ it is, it ought be said, more a return to how we actually were prior to the ‘naming conventions’ of the 1700’s or so where the stupid surnames made up on the spot of many Europeans were forced into Law over what would have originally been clan and tribal identities and from which there came that fake sense of disparate ‘Nationality’ (i.e. cut off from tribe and forced into atomization; identity through a very small family unit alone) from which the misnomer of ‘Race’ would be made-up to lend credibility to. In many ways a great deal of the urbane ‘neurosis’, let’s call it, stems really from this absence of ‘true tribe’ with it having been eradicated either by the fecklessness of urban societies; societies of strangers and thieves, and also more directly via those religions which pretend to fill the void of ‘true tribe’ with their witless rituals and effete pretences – things which are a wet-blanket over true fellowship wrought in such a manner as comes in all reality perfectly naturally the moment the screws holding foolishness in place are undone and cast away – and really here, when we stack these observations together one upon the other, we are really speaking of a sound and strong society certainly immune to the shallow perversity created by denialism toward the basic mechanics of the human body – in addition to any other considerations which follow from that.

THE OVERALL INFLUENCE (OR LACK THEREOF) OF A TRIBAL-FAMILIAL UNIT

It must be considered quite seriously by the reader as to the overall influence, or lack thereof, of a tribal-familial unit as to what fills its place in the education of people otherwise and, as I began this text by considering for myself, how much of the ‘dysfunctionality’ can be attributed to the “lack thereof”.
Along with the cultural instance on sexual immaturity as to produce the consequence of delaying and drawing out for decades a fetish of normal sexuality which ought naturally be done with by a person after reaching the age, say, of maybe seventeen, there is the greater point which I am trying to relay here in this text of how many other aspects of ‘bad culture’ are singularly anchored to and thusly totally dependent upon that sexual immaturity – that is: we would be hard-pressed to imagine how really many of the pernicious scenarios in our contemporary society would even arise if that foundation stone of ‘sexual immaturity’ were removed from the equation:
For instance, how much of a ‘relationship’ is spent and sculpted (either by the Man or the Woman or both) on jealously and worry of the other ending the relationship for having found another person or another means to fulfil their sexual gratification? If a ‘relationship’ is based upon, let’s call this, “mutual masturbation” then at the heart of that is sexual immaturity of the mental age of maybe fourteen years whereupon a person has been sort of coaxed into dependency for orgasm on a third party; they are fraught and fearful that this should be taken away from them – it being so vital as like a mechanical necessity for either sex – that the entire content of their ‘relationship’ revolves around it; seeking it, coaxing it, demanding it, guarding it from be lost, and so on, of which I think it is not exaggeration to say that such concerns constitute 100% of the verbal interaction in such a ‘couple’; either outright or in the back of the mind so as to reinterpret all scenarios and verbal expressions as being related to that end-goal of maintaining the “mutual masturbation”.
Simply put this ‘relationship’, then, revolves around twenty minutes of sexual activity in a day – if that much (or even if every day), yet dominates the entirety of the mind; that is: the entirety of the ‘relationship’, when this action itself is something that a servant or a slave or a prostitute would be used for in many societies, with the ‘content’ of the marriage, say, being concerned more with running the business of a Household or concerned with procreation to produce legitimate children to inherit the business, the title, the land, whatever. My point here is that neither Man nor Woman are elevated or their dignity improved, somehow, by this absence of sexual maturity but rather that both are reduced; i.e. greatly lowered, to the cognitive and social standing of the “servant, slave, prostitute,” in that as far as they think of and conceptualize themselves as part of a Household at all it is singularly the concern with simple sexual acts which dominate their interpersonal interactions and their ideas about their own self; it is their ‘social currency’.
If this seems alien – I mean my observation on this – consider how much neurosis goes on in the daily grooming rituals of Women or those sad excuses for Men who “lift weights but cannot fight” (not to mention the ease at which a thin muscular physique bleeds out at the slightest of puncture wounds, see: Roman Gladiator training), i.e. whose only concern is that of admiring their own bodies in a mirror, this being intellectually identical to young Women. Is this not the mentally of a slave? If so, even if we shy away from saying it plainly, then we must ask “what forms the mentality of a slave (i.e. where does it come from)” – in the above equation a slave in a Household is more like an object fulfilling a function than He or She is a person with any autonomy (well, obviously there is no autonomy for a slave) so it is almost to be expected that in such an environment that the intellectual trajectory of an object-person goes away from externalities and becomes entirely absorbed with self-presentation and equates their social status from that, and if groups of such persons will set this to be the common culture; deriving status in that manner among themselves – although still these are slaves possessing no ‘status’ to speak of, as being object-people. This is evidenced also in victims of sexual abuse or those, in general, suffering at the hands of third parties whose autonomy is in some way or another restricted; that their singular focus becomes that of sexuality as like depression is “rage turned inward”, thus too it seems for sexual infantilism.
I cannot pass up this subject without mentioning a series of interviews describing, a thing quite novel to me, the notion of American Christian ‘Purity Culture’ from the point of view of those heavily indoctrinated into that; instilled with Catholic levels of guilt over the normal function of the body, who have then left their small churches or megachurches, or whatever, and spoken plainly about the mentality of those inside of it as relating to sexuality. It is a thing I think long suspected but seldom expressed that, as it was described, the mentality of such persons is that they are “horny all the time” due to the relentless guilt inculcated into them; that due to denialism of sexuality their ordinary sexual impulses are magnified to an incredible degree and that, consequentially, their entire being is animated by repressed sexuality so that their thoughts are ‘impure’ all the time whilst verbally they express strong denialism and shame over the thing. I think this is no real difference to any such religious malinstruction; be it Muslim, Jewish or Christian, in that the perpetual infantilism of their surrounding society stems first of all from their own bedrock religious culture (i.e. whatever religion which is at odds with the human body, etc.) were due to such ‘culture’ they never really get over, say, an early adolescent view of sexuality where they are driven entirely by it and never learn to overcome it, no pun intended, but utterly unrealized – which would take them leaving their religion – is that this process demonstrably brings out the absolute worst in their character and disposition with the process itself being the promulgation ‘of’ those very “Viceful thoughts ” that they claim to be “at War with in the world”, in other words: it is just they themselves who, for example, look at a young teenage girl (or god help us, a small boy) and thinks all manner of sexual rapacity – and that this animates them politically to campaign for restrictive legislation to be put into Law to police “all society” as if “all society” existed at their low level is an incredible thing to consider. But I do not think their broader societies are any exception to this, rather point here is that their broader societies are comprised of persons exactly like them; that the Christian or the Jew driven by a lifetimes shaming over their normal sexuality adopt, in turn, the most depraved expressions ‘of’ sexuality as a self-affirmation; that is: the extreme self-identification with a simple sexual action, for example, came to literally define a persons personality in such places to the point that (Americans anyway) seriously put out the notion during the late 1990’s and 2000’s that a fleeting sexual act 1) defines a persons entire character, and 2) it is also inborn, e.g. as like to say that whether you prefer this or that on the menu at a restaurant is something determined genetically; this is utterly stupid and utterly, in my opinion, a consequence of society which has not wanted to evolve beyond the ‘sexual immaturity’ of which physiologically seems to occupy a very small window of the middle to late teens and of which repression during those ages quite demonstrably creates madness and retardation – I mean that if their culture did not peripherally do this to them then the manner by which swathes of their cultural-historical institutions do this to them ‘outright’ by inculcation into this process in particular certainly does it to them, and merely it is the unwillingness to fully condemn these Religions and relegate these influences to the dustbin which keeps the entire thing ticking along with “just enough” of the population bent out of shape by it to present those same persons, seemingly confused as to where they came from, lumbering through the broader society and serving as examples of lunacy and degeneracy.
In short - and I may as well add this here also, the aim to abstain for a while from sexuality was a custom introduced by the Ancient Romans and was designed to heighten sexual pleasure; in effect, then, foreign barbarians coming to this culture much later on with nobody to really explain it to them ended up unwittingly engaging in what they would probably have recognized as ‘sex magic’ whereupon the denial of their own mechanical sexual function was ‘abstained’ by them; i.e. they saw the value in holding off on doing drugs or having sex for a while, – but they did not understand what the effect or the outcome of that was ‘intended’ to be in that one would abstain specifically ‘to’ heighten the senses toward that pleasure; and this is evidenced chiefly in the Lunar Orgies and the Fast/s of Ceres. Interestingly, Jesus himself in (i think the Gospel of Thomas?) mentions to his followers that “they will hate him for what he says now,” and that he says that “fasting brings out all the worst in them” – in other words, engaging in periodic abstinence will turn them all horny. Knowing this from a relatively early age it was no surprise to me at all why celibate priests ended up diddling children or member of their own congregation or why the most outwardly pious zealots proved to be the most morally weak people to be found as even with the most ‘clean’ example, let’s say, of a person who has never drank wine, for example, they have not ‘overcome’ that thing but have rather avoided ever experiencing that thing so that it will always be a novel temptation to them of which they will have no understanding of and which they can be leveraged by in various ways primarily due to their ignorance of which ‘experience itself’ would otherwise render them far more fortified against:
A good example here is the ‘pot scare’ of the early 1930’s in America when it was seriously believed by a wholly ignorant chunk of the urbane voting public that smoking cannabis (and drinking alcohol, for that matter) would turn a person into a serial killer, this is totally bizarre to us now, but notice that this was the same society whose moral standard was that “a table leg” should not be uncovered because it reminded them of a Womans bare leg – although here we might better understand why they were so preoccupied by thoughts like that (I think very seriously in their heightened state of perpetual arousal any little thing would send them to buggery of a farmyard creature)! Hilarious. But – notice also that this was the same society which was engaging in some of the most casually egregious inhumane criminality that history had ever seen, as if they ‘were’ high on narcotics and their rational senses dulled; I do not mean here to bring American notions of ‘Race’ into this as to be seen to ‘condemn Black Slavery’ in the fashion of my own day (although we mentioned family-tribe as a better form of so-called nationality earlier) but the ghastly images of actual Country Fairs where smiling families with children by their knees would pose for crude photographs with the charcoaled or bloated rotting carcass of a burned or lynched Man is beyond my ability to play-down or normalize. I mean here to say, that: far from the pretense of ‘clean mindedness’ of such persons about themselves that we find these same persons are the filthiest and most depraved characters around, being those few persons who walk amongst us who are actually capable of doing those inhumane things (again, see: Banality of Evil) as would be unthinkable to a person of normal rational healthy conscience. We might connect this, also, to the historical BDSM extravaganzas which took place in the Christian monasteries and public squares for many centuries where young Women were sexually tortured by celibate clergymen as to recognize how deep and quick a plunge it is from a person or their culture going from the denial of normal healthy sexuality into the kettled and sadistic gore fetish of outright murder.
It is always worth reminding the reader who wishes to minimize these more egregious aspects of the subject (as rape is still rampant among the clergy); which are consequential of sexual immaturity, that it was not ‘reason and rationality’ per se that stamped this out from European society but soldiers kicking in the doors of such Churches, Town Halls and Houses with muskets, rifles, long knives and grape-shot and physically eradicating the perpetrators and their willing congregations from America and France for the practice itself of sexually torturing a Woman and then burning the evidence on the fake pretexts of obviously made-up accusations of “she turned me into a frog” to actually be ended. That is to say that the ‘mentality’ and ‘culture’ which provided the framework for such inhumane activities was never formally realized or educated-out of a people, so to find it lingers along into contemporary times; animating the otherwise dormant farmyard animal-like character of such persons “like powers of evil”, is not surprising to me in the least. What was more surprising to me is that as so much of these religions are so obviously outright ‘evil’ that more persons do not speak of the intricacies of the things in such necessary detail these more ‘egregious’ cases would qualify, and then to spool back to discover the cause of every evil action in the mentality of every perpetrator – generally speaking, for instance, it will be a character with a disposition of infantilism and perhaps this is more easy to understand without needing to connect it to sexual immaturity though, to my mind, these are not distinct enough to warrant any separation; as: infantilism is always going to be immaturity and immaturity is always going to run concurrent with a lack of adult intellectual development where a mature and experienced view of a thing, sexuality in this case, has likely been within the powers of a person to have gleaned naturally through experiences – in which case there would be no argument with anything I say here, or of which such experiences have been prevented by external powers from being gleaned by the person in question; in which case they remain ‘as if’ they were fourteen years old with the allure of mysterious unknown sex acts utterly dominating their consciousness at all times and yet physically being thirty, forty, fifty years old – well past the age (certainly physiologically) where they should have gotten it all out of their system but of which they have not, chiefly because their experiences have been rather dull and monotone and so much social currency has been valued by it ‘being’ dull and monotone, e.g. monogamy, legal repercussions binding two people in place, the atomized kettling nature of the disconnected nuclear family unit, living amongst strangers in large cities where it not so simple as just going topless to change the local culture, control through the selective denial of the sex act itself (as William Reich and Esther Vilar both write on), the sexualisation of young people by adults, the accidental ‘perversity’ (in the real meaning of the word) of unfulfilled (or poorly fulfilled, or repressed altogether) sexuality and its effects on the brain and society, and so on and so on.
I am always inclined to think when considering this subject, and I may as well end this text in conclusion with this recurrent thought of mine, that ‘sexual perversion’ really begins in the mind of ourselves as young teenagers when the normal human body is leeringly presented to us as being something ‘illicit’, e.g. the breasts of Women are concealed in our society and so due to ‘hiding them away’ they become objects of mystery and fetish which they otherwise are not. I do not think this is deliberate reverse psychology (as god help us few enough people even understand the concept to understand what they do inadvertently) but it produces the same consequence of reverse psychology, whereupon quite arbitrarily a certain piece of the body, say, an ankle, is all of a sudden declared by a mad Adult to be “evil, sinful, lustful, of the devil,” when no such notion existed in the minds of people otherwise, as then: their natural curiosity is piqued by this imposition and so they develop a perversion dervied in chief part – as a sense of lewd pleasure – from bucking the arbitrary nonsensical imposition forced upon them by that dictate of which such a scenario never would have had cause to occur if not for that imposition having created it. I feel that this ‘perversion’ (again, in the real meaning of that word) stands in the way of a fully realized and fully pursued sense of actual sexuality and, from it, of a more resonant concordance between Men and Women whose interactions are otherwise thrown off balance by such impositions as they are dragged back down to sexual immaturity all the time; or into fear and jealously etc., as like a dozen avenues are presented in any conversation and virtually of them are strewn with piss, vomit and polyfoam which had no reason to be put there in the first place, or more accurately: it was put there through the carelessness of an atomized and witless peoples who knew no better than to do this to themselves but of which a familial-tribal unit would have drummed out of them quick sharp if for the actuality of nothing else than “we are all in this together” being something that is tangibly true and not merely shallow political rhetoric when it is said of a tribe vs. when it is said of a state polity comprised of countless strangers.

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Hello everyone I wanted to share with you all something things that happened to me the last 8 months
So the story starts On late December of last year one week before New year
As I was walking home from the store I head a small cry from the bushes up ahead as I got closer to it they kept getting louder and louder my curio got the best of me so I went to see what was going on and I see a small puppy 2-3 weeks old lying on it stomach,So I took it out of the bushes and sat on the bench and put the puppy on my lap,I Was seeing if it had any injuries but it seemed fine I satyed with it there until I went to sleep on my lap a good 10 minutes go by and my mom calls me"Where are you its been 15 minutes since you left did you get what I asked you to" I said I'm sorry mom I'm coming gome right away. And there I was sitting there thinking what should I do about the small defenceless little dog in my lap.I should put it back in there right maybe it's mother will be coming back to take her baby so I wait a little longer and nothing happened at that moment the puppy wakes up and start crying again maybe it was hungry or something I didn't know so there I was contemplating what should I do but was I look down to see the puppy I see her starting directly at me with those little eyes of hers and I thought to my slef am I really going to let her alone again in this cold weather and she might die of starvation so I gathered my bags and took the puppy home with me Least to say my parents weren't really happy with me saying stuff like "why did you bring a stray dog home what if the dog has am infection ect" but I really didn't care about all that they were saying I was determined to keep her from going out side again so I gathered every ounce of courage I had and started arguing with saying that I'm gonna keep this puppy if it mean ime get kicked out the house (Brave word for a teenager with nowhere to go right 😄) But at that moment I really didn't care about that I would cared about the little dog in my arms shivering from the cold After a while me and my parent made deal I could keep the dog for now seeing as you care so much about it but we really don't have space in our small house for it to grow comfortably so my dad said that he would find a home for him by contacting his friend so for the time being you can keep it I was ecstatic I could keep my smile from showing tho I was a little sad because this would mean that I would have to say goodbye to the dog in the near future but as long as she was safe my feelings really didn't matter So afer new year the dog seemed to have settle down on our little home My hole family felled in live with the little dog we named her Sasha it seemed like it would suit her the best and the really like we I called her by her name dhe used to go under my bed whenever she wanted to go to sleep or when we played together So come June 1 this year my dad told me that he found a friend of his thay was looking for a dog and it was now time to let go I was heartbroken when I heard this I mean I thought he forgot all about that but it seemed he didn't like the mess that the dog made around the hose and said tomorrow we I will send her to her new house That night I was crying in my bed knowing that shasha would leave tomorrow but I calmed my self say that this would be better for the her so I went to sleep Morning comes and my Heart I beating really fast I had sweet in my palms and was really close to crying but I held on Here comes dad with his friend let's call h Ben in Ben's car In this moment i can feel tears forming in my eyes My dad said it's time to say goodbye to sasha I sit down in one knee and hugged her tightly saying goodbye to her I'm gonna miss you And there they went leaving off in the distance but I said to my slef maybe I'll go and visit her the following Sunday so I calmed my slef when went inside Litt did I know that that would be the last time I say shasha
So it's the following day and i realised to mistake that i made and told my dad to go and get sasha because I really missed her I mean the house looked so empty without her man and I really wanted my dog It felt like I had abandoned my child
So I tell him let's bring her back So he goes to his house to get sasha but,,,, she want there she was gone,,, she had managed to escaped from Ben's house she was no longer there
I was so mad and sad at the same time that I didn't even go to school that day and began searching for her but I had no luck and whent home crying on the way there
When Night come and dad comes home and I tell him how did she escaped he told me that he left her in the house but she managed to escape from the house and started following the car
In that moment I exploud with and and yell at him why didn't you stop and put her back in did you think that she would just fo back inside she doesn't even know the neighbourhood there man
My dad told me to calm down its just a dog we can get a nother one if you want At that moment I lost all the respect that I had for that man and stormed of the house and went looking for sasha I mean she should be around the neighbourhood somewhere right?
After 3 days of searching for her I found her.....I found her but she,, she wasn't alive she had been hit by a car and had been thrown beside some Trash cans ......she was no longer in this old it seemed it happened the day she was abandoned because flies and maggots were present eating away her flesh
I was heartbroken seeing the dog that I cared about so much lifeless on the ground 💔
I when home and started yelling at my dad I mean how can he do this to me how can he do this to sasha he told me that he was gonna take her to a better home not the Fucking highway He started crying saying he was sorry he was drunk and he wasn't thinks straight that day
I really don't know what to do How can I look my father in the eyes after he did this to me his only son
I just hope that when I die I hope I get to see my dog again and say to her I'm sorry sasha I'm sorry I couldn't protect you I'm sorry I let them take you I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most
But I know that no matter how sorry I feel she isn't coming back Now every time I enter my home I expect to hear her barks welcoming me home Fly high sasha I will be there with you sooner that you expect bby just you wait🌹

Came to US because we were broke back home. When my parente came, they had $2,000 which was used for rent. So essentially $0 hence reason why they had to start working 2 days after they landed in US while still having a jetlag. I was 14years old at that time.
Fastforward, Now I am 39Y/M, 3 young kids and housewife. Always had 2 jobs or more ever since I started working after college.
My parents and I always lived below the means and I started investing in real estate to help prepare for their retirement. And here is the stat.
4 properties and 7 doors: generating cash flow of $1500/months after covering all mortgages including primary residence. Equities: 1.2 millions
403b: 220k
Roth: 22k
Cash: 80k
Taxbale Brokerage: $976k (generating $5,300 / month dividends)
2 cars: 40k
Still working 2 jobs and save/invest $10,000/month after all expenses.
I am slowly letting myself to put some pressure off the gas pedal to slow down and learn to enjoy the life with my family. Ever since I got to this country, its alsways been survival mode, I was so focused on savings because I lived through poverty and know what its like to be rock bottom. Now that I know my parents retirement plan is taken care, I also realize "time" is one of the most valuable things especially if you have young children.
All I am saying is... you can't have it all. If you want to get something, then you have to give up something. To me, that was my time theough out 20s and 30s. But I know I can slow down a little and look forward to my 45th birthday to see if I can give myself that "financial indepndence" as a present.

I've become incredibly guarded with my time. I try to avoid anything that takes away time from my top 3 priorities- Family, Work, and Art.
It seems like many people are in a hectic state, constantly needing to go out and take care of something. Most of these errands cost money.
I've realized the more frugal I've become, the less hectic my days are.
No McMansion to repair No luxury car to maintain No Amazon return to drop off No hectic vacation to plan A few bills on auto-pay
Plenty of time to love family and make Art.
The more things you have, the more things you have to manage.

Me (19F) dated recently a guy for 7 months (22M) that is undoubtedly the worst person I’ve ever met. It took me a lot of time to notice his true colours as he was wearing a mask the whole time. Here are a few of the most alarming things he has done. As we went no contact, I rethink them, thinking what I went through
Extremely focused on his physical appearance. He always needs to look neat in an obsessive way and overthinks that everyone will constantly look at him.
Very stubborn and hateful of others. Usually expresses openly his dislike for others and gets frustrated when his friends don’t agree with him
Extremely judgmental about everyone but himself. Does a lot of problematic things and justifies it by saying “it’s wrong only if you get caught”
When we were planning to go on a trip, I suggested telling 2 female friends of mine to come and stay on different rooms or even hotels. He got mad and said that I don’t care about him and I just want to go on vacations and have fun, that this is a special moment of only the two of us and that if I love my friends that much I could go only with them and have a threesome.
He had a childhood female best friend. They used to fight a lot and they went no contact and got back together like 3 times. This girl has a very problematic mother, they have an unstable relationship. Her mother gets along with him, they continue to hang around until now. The final time they had an argument and went no contact, he started criticising her a lot to her mother and telling things about her that he knew her mother wouldn’t like. He ruined their relationship even more. At some point he told me “I have a strong urge to tell her that even her own mother loves me more than her”.
In every job he gets, at first he makes a great impression, he is happy with it and after a while he starts to hate the job and everyone there until he quits. In one of him summer jobs, a colleague had an attitude with him and he got mad and criticised him heavily to one of the highest managers (with is a friend of his uncle). Then he got him on a lot of trouble and damaged his reputation.
In another job, the manager didn’t like him and used to criticise him instead of always praising him as he expected. At some point he got so triggered That he took off his apron and threw it at him in the middle of the shift and demanded to give him the paper for quitting right then (it was a very busy time).
In another job, he used to steal from the cash desk and re print old checks.
He went through my phone without letting me know. Then he saw a text of a male friend that he considered too friendly and stared a huge argument. When I told him that him looking through my phone was bad, he said “it’s not my fault you have such an easy password I saw one time and could memorise it, anyone could have access to your phone with a password like that”. When I asked him to look through this phone he literally hide it and change password
Everytime he spends his money, he visit his family members, complaining about his life in order to make them feel pity for him to give him money. Then he disappears until he turns broke again
He used to have a fake profile in order to stalk his old group of friends and go to the places they visited to bully them.
When meeting new people, he literally puts on a mask and over tries to appear like the best person, until time passes and his true self comes out
He was trying to convince me that my parents and brother have a manipulative attitude towards me and that I have to be more independent to not feed their ego by submitting to them
He used to call me terrible names when we ere having argument (like wh*re, the c word ect). When i comforted him, he was saying “I didn’t call you like that, I was saying that your particular behaviour was a behaviour of someone like that. If I thought you are like that I wouldn’t even bother explaining you what you do wrong.”

I already made the first post regarding episode 1 and 2, here are the links, if you are interested:
https://www.reddit.com/PolinBridgerton/comments/1d8p07y/analysing_thematic_imagery_of_season_3_episode_1/
https://www.reddit.com/PolinBridgerton/comments/1daa5se/analysing_thematic_imagery_of_season_3_episode_2/
Same note as before: I do not claim all of these thoughts as originals of mine, I am not taking credit for noticing what others already noticed, and feel free to credit those who were first in comments. Also feel free to comment what you see and I do not! Or challenge me or mine.
I shall do my best to deliver analysis of the fourth episode before part 2 drops.
General imagery of the season so far (feel free to skip if you read the last post or posts):
The main thematic imagery of this season is reflection; how characters are perceived by others and how they deal with those perceptions. It ties to both leads, who were given roles by society which they must fight from time to time, and how society’s perception of them changes and controls them. Mirror imagery was important throughout the previous season not only for Pen and Colin, however in this season in particular, mirror imagery appears very often, and I expected it to continue (ehem ehem).
Tied closely to reflection imagery, we see the dichotomy of light and shadows. This dichotomy is alluded to by titles of 3 episodes of the whole season; and through this dichotomy, social roles and expectations are established. Colin is in the light, showered by compliments from members of the Ton, while Pen is forced to be in the shadows. She uses the shadows as LW to her advantage, while Colin uses his power within the light to his advantage.
The general idea is that Pen needs to decide whether she wants to stay in the shadows, which might be easier, or whether she is willing to take a risk by stepping into the light. Other characters are also haunted by their reflections. I shall dive into it in each episode.
Episode 3: Forces of Nature
While the second episode heavilly relied on the dichotomy of the day and the night to showcase masculine and feminine power, the third episode features dichotomy of nature and humanity. I have very briefly touched upon it in previous analysis regarding the promenade, when Pen asks whether she can learn to flirt through books and the moment was juxtaposed with the nature behind our leads.
It is not a new dichotomy for the show. We can for example remember the ending of episode 6 from previous season ("Animals require no contracts or dowries. The hen and a rooster make no vows. Leave it to people to complicate matters with their ceremonies and their cakes.").
The nature represents the attraction and longing, while the humanity represents either obstacles in following our desires, or simply a rationale to be "sensible" instead. Lady Whistledown acknowledges that people can somewhat triumph ("Humankind has accomplished extraordinary feats in its attempt to compete against nature."), but the episodes concludes that not only will the nature win in the end, the battle does not even include the nature, but the people who fight themselves. Basically concluding that there are no winners.
"All of man's greatest inventions are nothing more than a distraction from which is most natural to us. Our instincts. The innate animal impulse that is inside even the most sophisticated of us. For all is said and done, our nature will always win out."
Both Penelope and Colin fail to fight their own feelings in this episode.
While the natural forces refer to inner desires, we might focus on the literal natural forces which symbolize them: the Featherington garden (aka the place of crime), and the fire; the most featured in this episode, though, is the wind. The natural force which ensured the first meeting of our leads and (at least according to the books and trailer for part 2), caused Penelope to fall for Colin, as he (literally) fell from his horse.
I shall get to it more later. Let's go again scene by scene.
Third episode begins with Colin's dream. Dreams are of course heavilly linked with both Colin, Pen and their desires. Ironically, Colin's dream represents his waking up Marina alluded to in the last season ("You are a boy, caught up in his own fantasies... You need to wake up, Colin!").
While Penelope stopped dreaming and gave up on her "fantasy" after Colin's comment in the end of season 2 ("I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington, not in your wildest fantasies."), Colin is awaken at the same place, in a cheeky way, by his dream.
The Featherington garden represents crucial moments of their relationship so far. Firstly, it was the place where he broke her heart by his statement, and sparked her intention to marry. Secondly, of course, it was the place where they came to their agreement, with her agreeing to move from him by accepting his help, while he put himself in a vulnerable position to face feelings he did not acknowledge before. Thirdly, it is the place where he was forced to face his feelings VERY directly by agreeing to kiss her.
Colin's subcontious wants to "repair" the moment. It is cheeky for Colin to apologize for the late hour, which might have been appropriate for their last meeting, as well.
Fans have had a lot of fun dissecting Colin's psyche, as Colin's dream features basically every cliché of a raunchy romance novel, which is, of course, very intentional. The first shot features the fire burning, symbolizing Colin's realized feelings. The fog might either allude to the mystery whether Colin's love is requited, or to form a "protection from the gazes of others".
This episode offers a lot storytelling through clothing with Colin especially, and I shall dive to each of his looks. Generally speaking, Colin trades vulnerability for his armor repeatedly in the first half of the episode, culminating in his Innovations Ball look, which I find the most vulnerable.
Colin in his dream is dressed similarly as he was in the end of episode 2, however, his neck is now bare, alluding to his vulnerability. Pen's neckline is lower, her loose hair as well as the fit of the gown make it seem like she is in her nightgown. Still, it is very respectable look for a wet dream, likely to showcase and hammer that Colin did not found vulnerability anew, not sexual desire.
I find it interesting that the shot does not start with Colin walking into the frame, who is the one dreaming, but with Penelope. Perhaps the intention was to try to mess with fans and give them the impression it is Pen who dreams. Colin does not get confirmation of her feelings until he admits his. Again, Colin is the vulnerable this time, not Penelope. The scene focuses much more on her pleasure than his, either to again fool the audience, or again, to sell the difference.
As Colin wakes up, we get more visual clues in the globe and the map, likely alluding to his travelling experience, which are connected to his sexuality. The other is, of course, that his blanket is yellow, a color tied to Pen (resembling the shal Violet has in the portrait, again to sell the paraller of the couples, even before Violet states it to the audience at the end of this episode). He looks to the window, which might allude to him trying to find her, as she lives accross the street, which he likely did for the first time in last episode, or trying to find the light, representing a) his social role as a popular charming rake, and b) his masculine power.
Gregory's injury might thematically tie to multiple things. Gregory was established as a cupid, who pierces Colin's heart, and who now can't do so, meaning that Colin is trapped. Gregory can also represent Colin himself as he can't even properly eat with his injury, which was something Colin also mentioned of not being able to do so. We know that Gregory falls injures the hand before he has a chance to see the balloon, which might foreshadow the ending of the episode, when Colin tries to find the answer, only to not get it and be hurt.
Colin comes to the drawing room in a brown vest. The color of the vest reminds me of his pirate coat, and I wonder whether it is basically his "casual armor", the one he wears around his family now, not wanting them to know of his feelings. It is also worth pointing out that when Colin walks in, he goes to his brothers who sit seperately from the sisters and the mother, almost to shocase Colin's tendency to trying to follow male squad, even the toxic one.
Our dearest prophetess Hyacinth strikes again by mentioning Penelope. It is worth noting that while Colin is distressed, he still realizes that he likely hurt Eloise by commenting on Lady Whistledown finding about their ordeal, and seems to attempt to follow her to make sure she is fine. Colin can't refer to Penelope as his or as a friend, so he opts to refers to her as the acquaintance of the whole family and sips the tea this time. Colin's drinking is a recurring gag this season, showcasing his growing attraction towards Pen.
From the Queen's and Agatha's meeting, we get an interesting gag of the male suitors being thrown. Penelope fell for Colin when he fell from the horse, which is rather cheeky to remember when the one falling this time is Debling.
Penelope leaves her room just in time for her to a) be reminded of the importance of producing an heir, b) be reminded of her reasons she intended to find a husband, hearing her sisters. I believe that it is Eloise's comment that sparks Pen's hope to find a husband once again, as she gets her blessing. Penelope knew she couldn't stay away for long, but to keep her column, not because she gained hope.
It is quite reasonable that Penelope chose to promenade after week in her room. We are left to wonder why Colin choose to do so and if he was perhaps trying to see her. However, from his expression, I do believe that he was surprised to see her. Colin is the one who follows Pen this episode, showcasing the change in the dynamic. Penelope often followed him instead in the previous episode.
Penelope's styling seems very childish, with her ribbons, hair to the side and pinkish and lilac tone of her dress, perhaps a visual way for her to distance herself from the ordeal and that kiss. Colin is wearing the style akin to previous seasons, with his armor being left home. They are children once again. The willow the meet under might symbolize innocence, protection, childhood, as it somewhat shields them from the Ton. The long distance show might allude to them suddenly feeling a gap between themselves, or perhaps a need to keep their distance after the whole ordeal.
It is cheeky that Penelope relies on her double identity when asked for a reasoning. She might have just as easily pointed out the Ton itself, instead, she uses Lady Whistledown she disparaged in the last episode. Just as Colin refered to the Pen in regards to all Bridgertons, Penelope refers to her and his family regarding the embarassment. Pen thanking Colin for his kindness is of course very funny paraller to her comment about his cruelty in episode 1; a comment which might have hurt him the same.
Debling starts the episode as the hunted "prey", not only as Cressida (and later Pen) is after him, but by himself, as he wants to find a hiding place. However, Debling of course changes into the "predator" later.
Stowell House in general does not seem particularly inviting. It either displays mirrors or the "prey" on the walls, signalling Pen's entrapment. Penelope does not hide even in her corner, where she is found by the toxic buddies.
Penelope assures her mother that Ton will likely be distracted by the new scandal. Portia of course does not know that it is Penelope herself who is Lady Whistledown, and who might have a chance to publish such a scandal, but only if Pen leaves her hideout. Pen later offers social contagion as a joke, which might be a fun way of alluding to her double identity, as she holds a bit of power regarding social assesment.
Mirror imagery is quite cheeky regarding our leads and Debling. Pen's back is seen in mirror behind her, which might signal that she is currently social outcast, still uncomfortable after the incident, or visual signal of Pen hiding her identity.
With Colin's arrival, it is Pen who looks at him first, just when he looks at Eloise. Colin notices and continues to look, while Pen looks away and hides as a "prey". Colin turns away and we see a glimpse of him in the mirror. Pen fell first, but he fell harder. Colin flees the mirror, as he will continue to do so in this episode, following her.
Debling does not mind the mirror at all (something he seems to share with Agatha and Benedict) and as Pen becomes more comfortable, the mirror seems to dissapear from the shot. It is worth pointing out that both Colin and Debling have waistcoats with yellow ornaments, alluding to both of them being interested in Pen.
Colin is accompanied by the candles both when Eloise mentions Penelope, as well as when he is "assessing his pupil", alluding to his growing love. I do not think it was unintentional to have Alice mention his "kindheartedness", after Penelope thanks him for his "kindness". Not only do both mention the possibility of a different suitor, they also use similar language when speaking of Colin's role in it, rubbing the idea deeper.
Even more cheeky is that Alice does not refer to Penelope by name, only as a pupil, while Colin comments on it as "gossip" finding their home. Colin refers to Whistledown when asked about Penelope; while Pen is, of course, both subject of the gossip as well as its source as lady Whistledown.
Eloise'a and Cressida's scene alludes to Eloise walking to the crossroads and choosing a path she might regret. Eloise does not help Cressida much, but it is enough for her to easily win over Pen at first.
Finally, we get likely the most in face reference of the episode: Hawkins Balloon, with its blue and yellow stripes. It likely symbolizes our leads, with Colin seeing the balloon (aka embracing the opportunity of them becoming a couple), while Pen ignores it in favour of Debling.
Colin arrives in his armor, aka with his pirate coat firmly on. But his defence crumble rather quickly. He follows Penelope immedietely. At first, he follows her instruction to focus on sweets, but more and more into the scene, he just begins to look at Pen, the only exception is when Pen compliments Debling, as he feels a need to hide his feelings.
Colin loses his battle while seeing Pen eating the cake. The cake symbolized sex even back in 102, when Pen asks Marina how did she become pregnant. What is striking, though, that the next time Colin is shown on screen, he took off his coat and seems to finish Penelope's cake. Colin lets his armor down, just before his heroic moment.
The balloon is representation of a human attempt to "triumph" over the nature, to "conquer the wind". Funnily, as Colin with the help of his squad protects the balloon and wins over the wind, he loses his own battle against it internally, as the wind represents his desire for Penelope. Colin finds courage and allows himself to be vulnerable (by leaving the pirate coat, his armor, behind in the arms of one of his toxic buddies), only for him to find Penelope in Debling's embrace. Eloise and Cressida's remarks might be quite cruel foreshadowing for the later events. "It is good thing no one was injured." "Who says I wasn't?"
The distress of Colin at Innovations Ball is implied with his darker waistcoat, bare neck and him adjusting his jacket. Colin attempts his best to smile for Eloise, but it is a rather unsuccesful attempt. If I dare say, Colin seems like he is attending funeral. His question whether a man can be pensive is rather interesting, not only as it is pun on Penelope's name, but as Colin asks basically if he can be himself.
Penelope and Portia ignore the lamp, the sorce of fire and light, which I would argue, represents the love between Pen and Colin.
Benedict refers to Francesca as "his shield" from the debutantes, and we see Benedict succeeding in fleeing the debutantes with the sister by his side. Eloise, on the other hand, leaves Colin to them, leaving him "unprotected". This is hammered with Violet, who without the children by her side, becomes the target of Marcus. It is no wonder Francesca finds her man when she is allowed to return to her familiar shadows, with fireplace representing love, passion and desire once again. Benedict, too, fails to "battle the nature", as he finds himself in the embrace of his newest partner, after he meets her at the staircase, with her looking down on him.
As the debutantes ask Colin if he is as heroic on the dancefloor, Colin moves his head instead of answering, while we get the shot of Pen holding her own dancecard. It is quite clear. Colin is losing his chance.
While Penelope's and Cressida's race is for comedic effect, it showcases that a lot of times, women fight over guys they might even want, just because they fear someone else will snatch them. While Cressida is pressured to be married, no one points out that she almost married Jack last season, someone who turned out to be a schemer. Daphne won her own "race", only to end up with Simon. Cressida fails to gain Colin's attention in season 1 and 2 mostly due to her treatment of Penelope and Daphne.
Penelope finds herself on the crossroads between Colin and Debling. She chooses to look at Colin, showcasing to the audience that Pen is romantic at heart. While Colin answers the question of debutantes, he is in fact encouraging himself, but as he can't help but look at her, she takes it as his confirmation of wishing her good luck as a mentor. Just as Pen unknowingly let Colin down in willow scene with her words, Colin just done the same. Cheekily, Debling asks whether Pen has trouble with the balloon, while she answers "not at present". As she gave up on Colin in that instance.
Penelope herself pretends to love nature to secure herself a naturalist, ignoring her own desire to be with Colin. Ironically, she secures the naturalist by openly stating she does not really care about nature, when she cares about what nature represents in this episode. Debling giving Pen lemonade ties narratively to Pen leaving the lemonade at the table during the Full-Moon ball, as well as her leaving it at drawing scene with Colin.
I believe that Debling caught on Colin's feelings at this instant. The reason I believe so is that Pen's dance card was still blank and Pen gave Colin time to react. Debling did not ask Penelope for dance beforehand, and she hoped that Colin would speak... which is something Colin might have realized once Penelope gives Debling his hand and dance card is visible to him.

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The Horus Heresy Book 21: Fear to Tread by James Swallow
Good gods, we finally meet the Blood Angels. Was it worth the wait? Well, it's a resounding yes from us. This is a portrait of a legion struggling with secrets and having it used against them. The noble Sanguinius is heartbroken by the Red Thirst and having to deal with his poor mad sons, and this is used against him to pull him into a trap. The discussions with Horus before the Heresy are a good look at who both of them were before all the bitter infighting. This set up heightens the betrayal, as before Horus fell he and Sanguinius were close. Horus realises his pure brother cannot fall to chaos, so sends him away to perish.
“With the whip still coiled about its neck, the Angel dragged the spitting, wounded fiend to the lip of the pit in the middle of the chamber, then lifted it up so he could look it in the face. The daemon cackled through its pain, convulsing as it tried to shake free. ‘I will take your skull yet.’ The primarch’s eyes flashed with a powerful hatred. ‘If you truly do hail from the realm that men once called hell,’ he intoned, ‘when you return there, tell your kindred it was Sanguinius who threw you back.’ With a grunt of effort, the Angel took hold of the beast and shoved it over the spiked edge.
Ka’Bandha’s curses echoed all the way down, before it finally vanished, shrieking, into the warp-flames.”
The Blood Angels are shown here in a completely different light to the other legions we have met so far. They fall to the Red Thirst for quite an extended part of this story so we get berserkers from the Blood Angels before we truly get them from the World Eaters. They slaughter everyone they can get their teeth on and are truly repentant for it at the end of the book, with the Flesh Tearer feeling distraught over what he did to their allies (doesnt stop them from doing it in the future though). Erebus’ plan could have easily worked to bring the Blood Angels to Khorne and you can see why Angron is second choice over the beautiful Hawk Boy.
Synopsis
Before the Heresy, Sanguinius and the Blood Angels have a slight issue. Sometimes, they go crazy and get turned into blood fueled mindless killers. During a campaign against xenos known as the Nephelim, who feed off religious adoration, Horus learns of this Red Thirst and talks with Sanguinius. He is scared, fearing the Emperor will destroy the Blood Angels for this genetic abnormality (something Emperor has done before)....This brings Horus and Sanguinius closer together.
During the Heresy, following a campaign against the Orks, Horus contacts Sanguinuis, talks with him face to face using a psyker and asks him about the Emperor and the Great Crusade. One question later and Horus sends him off to walk into a trap that will destroy the Blood Angels. He claims the Nephelim have returned and the entire Blood Angel legion are required to deal with them.To sweeten the deal, he tells Sanguinius the Nephelim have a machine that can cure the Blood Angels of their affliction.
The Word Bearers and Space Wolves are along for the ride and have secret agendas they plan on completing. The Blood Angels head to the Cignus cluster and find a giant burning eight pointed star and everyone dead. Just being in the vicinity causes a wave of suicides among the mortal crew of their ships. A veil descends around the system, preventing any contact outside the system. The Blood Angels are alone.
A squad is sent to investigate a planet and the mission goes wrong (the pilot goes mad on the way down, they get attacked by the city itself).
Horus summons the Bloodthirster, Ka’Bandha, and tells him to murder Sanguinius, rather than corrupt him, which is Erebus’ plan.
A few survivors are eventually found and tell the Blood Angels about what happened and are attacked by Daemonettes. A Keeper of Secrets emerges on the flagship and tells Sanguinius it is the mastemistress of the planet. Sanguinuis vows to murder it. Sanguinius is told that it seems likely that Horus put them in this trap and almost kills the marine that suggests it. The Space Wolves tell Sanguinius that they are there to deal with the threat of rebellion, in the form of the use of psychic powers by the Librarius. Sanguinius acknowledges the possibility of rebellion and goes to kill the enemy….
Sanguinius fights the Bloodthirster and the fight goes badly. The final blow kills 500 marines at once, knocks out Sanguinius and puts all of the Blood Angels deep into the Red Thirst. The Sanguinary Guard transport Sanguinius back to the flagship and call a full retreat, but the bloodlust is too strong. The legion succumbs to the other Legion genetic defect, The Black Rage, and the dive headfirst into a full on BLOOD ORGY attacking everything.
The Librarians realise they are hamstringing themselves and take part in a psychic process to wake Sanguinuis. He is not happy and destroys the Bloodthirster with perhaps the coolest one liner we have had. But the bloodlust in the legion is too strong and a Blood Angel sacrifices himself to become the Red Angel and save the legion. The veil is removed and the Blood Angels are able to shake themselves off and leave the system (trying not to look at each other or mention why there seems to be a lot less mortal legion serfs on their ships or wiping blood off their mouths). They received word of the Isstvan V massacre and run into an Ultramarine fleet.
In possibly the most satisfying epilogue, Erebus decides to berate Horus for his failure and gets his face cut off. Horus does not care about the will of the Gods, only his own plans.
Review:
This is a brilliant book and brings a lot of ideas into the Heresy that are vital parts of 40k, especially for the Blood Angels. The Red Thirst, The Black Rage, the Sanginor ability to fuse with warp entities, pariahs and the daemons of the Gods are all here and in full display. Slaanesh and Khorne are working together to bring down and corrupt Sanguinius, although you get the feeling that Slaanesh was never going to have him, with the Bloodthirster somehow managing to output the Keeper of Secrets running things in the system. The Blood Angels as a legion are fascinating. The Blood Angels are not perfect but they are trying hard to be good. They display strong genetic defects that should render them removed from conflict by the Emperor. But their noble cause, and angelic primarch ensure they never fall too far into a parody, and instead are haunted knights trying to fight themselves and the enemy for the good of the universe.
We get an interesting look at Chaos in this book. A Slaaneshi psychic is openly working for the Word Bearers, but no one recognises what she truly is and what her power entails. A world is turned into a living weapon and a symbol of the power of chaos. An entire star system is trapped from the rest of the galaxy. The whole population is turned into a fortress of bones.
Whilst it lacks the constant creeping dread of Know No Fear, this is a spectacular book and I can fully understand why the Blood Angels are so many people’s favourites after reading this one. They are the noble angels (and also murderous, barely kept in check butchers ready to go mad at a moment's notice.) The Blood Angels face horrors that drive men mad and manage to survive and carry on.
The ending fully wants you to know what is happening next in the series, so unsurprisingly we are going to have a bunch of short stories next that are completely unrelated to this book…
Score: 9.5/10 - a wonderful look at this mostly ignored legion so far that hits hard and shows how horrific Chaos can be. Full on cosmic horror versus a literal angel and his army of angels. It is glorious stuff. It just lacks the focus and creeping dread that “Know No Fear” had.
Cover: It's a warrior angel fighting a devil as the sky explodes around them. If this was an Iron Maiden album cover, it could not be any more metal.
Heresy Watch:
How close were the Blood Angels to falling? If not for the World Eaters they may have been something for Khorne to pursue. Erebus is no longer the favoured of the Gods, having accomplished his purpose, Horus no longer needs to listen to him and demonstrates it in quite a clear way. Horus is concerned that Sanginius would be a better leader than he is, if he falls to Chaos.
Legion Watch/Number of Book(s):
Dark Angels: 5
: 2
Emperor’s Children: 8
Iron Warriors: 5
White Scars: 3
Space Wolves: 5
Imperial Fists: 8
Night Lords: 4
Blood Angels: 2
Iron Hands: 4
: 2
World Eaters: 9
Ultramarines: 7
Death Guard: 4
Thousand Sons: 5
Sons of Horus: 9
Word Bearers: 11
Salamanders: 2
Raven Guard: 4
Alpha Legion: 6
The Emperor: 7
We finally have Blood Angels! They were worth the wait. They are now on a par with the Salamanders.
Tropes Watch:
Are we the baddies?: 36 The Flesh Tearer. That is not a nickname a “good guy” gets. By the end of the story, he (along with his men) murdered the Space Wolf observers and the legion response seems to just be to sweep it under the carpet. The whole “drinking the blood of my enemies” feels a bit ‘not very good guys’. Sanguinius talks to Horus through a naked Slaaneshi psyker, learns this is not the Emperor’s technology and basically shrugs and is fine with it.
It's definitely not gay: 20 “The ornate doors of the primarch’s quarters opened and Raldoron stepped through, his eyes falling on Sanguinius before anything else. His liege lord wore his duty armour, gold and white platinum with a bronze mail cloak that lay draped over his folded wings. It was not as ornate as the high artificer armour he would wear into combat, but still it seemed barely able to contain the full radiance of the primarch. Raldoron had once heard one of the remembrancers say that Sanguinius shone like a star carved into the shape of a man, and he could not fault that description.” The Blood Angels really love their father. Everyone who sees him seems quite overcome by his magnificence.
How not to parent 101: 25 Sanguinius prepares to attack one of his sons for daring to claim Horus lied to them, whilst they are stuck in a trap that Horus sent them into.
Erebus!!!: 19 Oh we get a proper appearance for Erebus and some actual pleasure as he decides he can berate the Warmaster following the failure of his plan. The slimy little scumbag decides he doesn't need to be nice anymore, shouts at a Chaos powered Horus and gets his face ripped off for it. Couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy. There is a scene where Erebus goes and sees Fabius Bile and you legitimately feel bad that Space Megele has to deal with him…. Berus the High Warden earns an honorary Erebus award, being an absolute git throughout the story until his noble sacrifice (read: falling off a Land Raider to kill daemonettes).
Does this remind you of anything?: 37 Chaos corruption led to the creation of concentration camps. Possibly the most grim dark thing so far. I cannot help but feel that a lot of Khorne apologists will blame it on Slaanesh and “Khorne only wants honourable kills” but also the Blood Father “cares not from where the blood flows”. Comment below which chaos god you blame for the camps. When Sanguinius kicks the Bloodthirster over the edge does he is either channelling Gandalf or Leonedius and we are not sure which….
Idiot Ball: 24 Horus just happened to come across a planet with technology to cure a super specific legion genetic defect. How exactly did the xeno’s manage to cure this? And the planet is really far away from everyone? A likely story. Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Today, to save all sentient beings, I will learn from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva to spread Dharma. I will convince sentient beings to practice Buddhism using my experiences. May Guan Yin Bodhisattva bless me and help me turn my propagation into merits and virtues. I hope my propagation can form positive connections with all sentient beings, transform the right ones extensively, and awaken more beings. I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Hello everyone! I am a Dharma practitioner Jinglian from Jiangsu Province, China. Now I’d like to share with you: My husband hit an 86-year-old grandmother on the road, causing her to fall. Guan Yin Bodhisattva mercifully blessed and protected the grandmother so she regained consciousness after 20 days in a coma. She was discharged 30 days later.
My husband's birthday is in January. In November 2019, 3 months later he would be 59 years old. On November 1, 2019, I dreamed that the portrait of Guan Yin Bodhisattva on the Buddhist altar was missing. However, it did not draw my attention to it at that time.
On November 4, 2019, after 5:00 pm, my husband was riding his electric bicycle and accidentally hit a grandmother who was walking on the road. He fell a heel, helmet fell in half, but his body was not seriously hurt, just a bit of skin on the face. The grandmother lay on the ground unconscious, with her mouth and nose bleeding. The situation was very critical. He immediately called the police and sent the grandmother to the County People's Hospital for emergency care.
Hospital examination report discovered that the grandmother's brain had become a mass like bean curd, paste, and had a hematoma. The doctor said: “The 86-year-old grandmother, because of her age, cannot undergo surgery；the grandmother may not wake up, and even if she wakes up, she will enter vegetable state (post-coma unresponsiveness).” He was scared and called me to tell me that the grandmother's situation was very dangerous. When I heard the news, I didn't panic because I knew Guan Yin Bodhisattva would bless me! I reassured my frightened husband not to worry too much. Bodhisattva would bless and wake up the old grandmother. My husband said, "Is it possible?" I said, "What is impossible?" Many cancer patients have been cured by practicing the 3 golden Buddhist practices. Why can't we? If we sincerely pray to Bodhisattva, we can definitely do it".
I had been practicing Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door for >2 years by then. As a devotee of the greatly compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I had witnessed too many miracles. In response to this, I made 3 vows to the Bodhisattva after offering incense:

1. Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I have been a vegetarian for more than two years, and I will insist on being a vegetarian for life and not killing beings;
   
2. Recite Xiao Zai Ji Xiang Shen Zhou and Cundi Dharani times 108 times respectively per day to my husband for a month, praying to Bodhisattva to help my husband resolve his grievances;
   
3. Recite the Great Compassion Mantra 49 times a day to the grandmother for one month, praying Bodhisattva to bless her to wake up and recover soon.
   

The next day, I knelt in front of the Buddhist altar and made 2 additional vows:

1. Repay my husband's karmic creditors 21 Little Houses;
   
2. Repay my home's karmic creditors 21 Little Houses.
   

On November 9, fellow Buddhist practitioners who knew about my family's situation came to my house to help me set up a new Buddhist altar for Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door (before that, I only had a Guan Yin Bodhisattva portrait on Buddhist altar). I was really touched by the selfless dedication of the practitioners who are not my relatives but superior to relatives, and I was very grateful! I knelt down in front of the Bodhisattva and made the following vows:

1. Be a vegetarian for the rest of my life;
   
2. Observe the five precepts;
   
3. Live an ascetic life;
   
4. Devote myself to one Buddhist practice, and never quit.
   

During this period, whenever my husband and I visited the grandmother, I held her hand and talked to her. Although she didn't seem responsive at that time, I firmly believed that with Bodhisattva's blessing, she would wake up! Just as I chanted the Great Compassion Mantra for her, although she couldn't speak, I saw tears flowing from the corners of her eyes! This made me even more convinced that I must recite the sutra for her. I must do my best to make her wake up and reunite with her children as soon as possible!
Within a few days, the grandmother could move her hands. I understood in my heart that it was Bodhisattva's compassion that saved her.
After a few more days, the grandmother's eyes opened and she smiled at me. When the nurse saw that, the nurse said, "We give her an IV every day, but today she opened her eyes and smiled at you first. I can't believe that an 86-year-old person can recover so well in such a short time. This would not be possible without your sincerity and compassion!"
If one’s thoughts are sincere, the Buddha has a response. As long as we firmly have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva, the Bodhisattva will surely bless us sentient beings.
On the 20th day of the grandmother's hospital admission, a miracle happened: she woke up! I was so moved that I couldn't stop tears from flowing down my face. It was so amazing. I was full of Dharma joy. I was so grateful for Bodhisattva's compassion, who answered every request and saved the grandmother and our family.
On the 30th day of her hospital admission, she was discharged! The caregiver saw the change in her and exclaimed it was awesome. At such an old age and with such serious injuries, she woke up and was discharged from the hospital in 1 month. This is a miracle! Without Bodhisattva's compassionate rescue, the grandmother would have had a different outcome that none of us wanted.
On November 30, the grandmother's son negotiated with my husband to deal with the aftermath. As I recited 2 sets of Guan Yin Citta Emergency Code during the negotiations, I prayed that Bodhisattva would bless and allow the problem to be resolved smoothly and successfully. There was no unpleasantness between the two parties during the negotiation process. In the end, both parties reached a consensus and my family paid the other party ￥91,000 in CYN. Compassionate Bodhisattva turned a big problem into a small one. Once again, I was moved to tears.
In this traffic accident, Bodhisattva not only saved the grandmother's life, but also saved my husband‘s spiritual life. Previously, he was against studying Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures. Through this incident, he changed his original attitude. In addition to listening to Master Lu's enlightenment and lectures on Buddhism in Plain Terms, he recites the holy name of the Bodhisattva. I know this is all due to Bodhisattva's compassionate blessing! The only way I could afford the Bodhisattva is to cultivate well and keep cultivating!
Four years have passed and the grandmother is still alive today. Every time I passed by her house, I saw clothes drying and lights on, and I was deeply touched. If I hadn't encountered such an excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, if it weren't for the compassionate help of fellow practitioners, how sad the grandmother's family would be if something happened to her. My husband and I would have suffered for the rest of our lives. The fates of our two families would not be as peaceful as now. I am infinitely grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving our two families.
Now that we have listened to the rarely heard Dharma teachings, we must cherish this affinity with the Buddha. The only way to change our destiny is to practise Buddhism and recite Buddhist scriptures. The terrible fate in the past will become good after studying Buddhism, and the good fate in the past will become better after studying Buddhism. If one person practices Buddhism, the whole family will be blessed!
I vow: I will not forget the salvation of Bodhisattva and the teachings of Master Lu, study Buddhism well, practice Buddhism truly and practically, do more merits and virtues, awaken more sentient beings, respect my teacher and his teachings, devote myself to one Buddhist practice, and never quit! Introduce such good Dharma to more sentient beings, so that more sentient beings can benefit from studying Buddhism and be free from suffering and gain happiness! Only then will we be worthy of the Bodhisattva's kindness! Buddha's powers are unlimited, and only those who believe in Buddha will be saved! I am grateful to all the boundless compassionate fellow practitioners who have introduced me to Buddhism and helped me learn Buddhism. This has allowed me to encounter such a wonderful Dharma Door. I hope that all sentient beings who read or hear what I have shared will not hesitate to take up Buddhist scriptures and learn to recite them!
My deepest gratitude to Namo Sakyamuni Buddha!
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and beloved Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu. I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Buddhist Practitioner: Zhu, Gratitude and Namaste!
Received: 2020-01-11
Posted: 2023-03-27
Translator: Frank
Statement by translator
1 Story was translated by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
2 Author Zhu was interviewed by Frank during translation for the detailed information.
Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下：
先生肇事撞倒86岁老奶奶，观世音菩萨慈悲保佑，老奶奶20天后苏醒30天后出院
感恩南无释迦牟尼佛！
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法金刚菩萨！
感恩弘法度众舍身忘我的恩师慈父卢军宏薹长！
今天我学习观世音菩萨的大慈大悲精神弘法利生，所以现身说法。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲保佑把我的分享转成功德，希望我的分享能够广结善缘，广度有缘，度化更多的有缘众生！我自己的业障自己背，不让聆听的师兄们背。感恩菩萨！感恩师父！感谢大家！
大家好，我是来自江苏的净莲同修，现在分享一下：先生肇事撞倒86岁老奶奶，观世音菩萨慈悲保佑，老奶奶20天后苏醒30天后出院
我家先生是1月份生日，2019年11月，再过3个月先生就59岁了。2019年11月1日，我梦见佛台上的观世音菩萨像不见了，但我当时没有引起我的重视。
2019年11月4日傍晚5点多，先生骑着电瓶车，不小心撞到了一位在马路上行走的老奶奶。先生摔了一个跟头，头盔摔成了两半，但身体没大碍，只是脸上擦破了一点皮，而老奶奶倒地后却不省人事，嘴巴、鼻子里都是血，情况十分危急。先生爬起来后立刻报了警，并把老奶奶送往县城人民医院进行紧急抢救。
医院检查报告显示：老奶奶大脑里已成豆腐渣、糊了，还有一块血瘤。医生说：86岁的老奶奶，因为年龄大不能开刀做手术。老奶奶可能醒不过来了，即使醒过来也成植物人了。先生吓坏了，打电话告诉了我老奶奶的情况非常危险。听到消息后，我并没有心慌，因为我知道：观世音菩萨一定会保佑我的！我安慰受惊的先生不要太过担心，菩萨妈妈会保佑，让老奶奶醒过来。我先生说：“可能吗”？我说：“有什么不可能，很多的癌症病人，运用法门的三大法宝都治好了。我们为什么不可以？只要我们诚心求菩萨妈妈，一定可以的”。
我修学心灵法门已经两年多了，知道心灵法门的灵验，也见证了太多关于大慈大悲的菩萨妈妈创造的奇迹。针对此事，我诚心诚意地上香后，向菩萨许愿:

1. 感恩观世音菩萨，我已经吃全素两年多了，一定会坚持终身吃全素，不杀生；
   
2. 给我先生每天念《消灾吉祥神咒》和《解结咒》各108遍，念一个月，求菩萨妈妈帮我先生化解怨结；
   
3. 给老奶奶每天念49遍《大悲咒》，念一个月，求菩萨妈妈保佑老奶奶能早日醒过来康复。
   

第二天，我跪在佛台前再次许愿：
1. 给我先生的要经者，烧送21张小房子；
2. 给我家房子的要经者，烧送21张小房子。
得知我家情况的师兄们在11月9日，来我家助缘，帮我设好了心灵法门的新佛台（之前，我家只供奉了一尊观世音菩萨）。看着不是亲人却胜似亲人的师兄们忙前忙后无私的奉献，我真的很感动，心里无比的感恩！我跪在菩萨面前许愿：

1. 终生吃全素；
   
2. 守五戒；
   
3. 清修；
   
4. 一门精进，永不退转！
   

期间，我和先生每次去看望老奶奶，我都会握住她的手跟她说说话。虽然当时她看上去还没啥反应，但是我坚信，有菩萨保佑加持老奶奶一定会醒过来的！就在我帮她念诵《大悲咒》时，虽然她不能说话，但是我看到她眼角流下了泪！这让我更加坚信一定要好好为老奶奶念诵经文，尽我最大的努力，让她赶快苏醒过来，早日与她的孩子们团聚！
没过几天，老奶奶手居然能动了。我心中明白是菩萨妈妈慈悲在救度老奶奶。
又过了几天，老奶奶眼睛能睁开了还对我笑了。一旁的护士看到后说：“我们天天给她打点滴都没知觉，今天竟然能睁开眼睛还第一个对你笑了。真不敢相信，86岁老人能在这么短时间内恢复得这么好，离不开你的诚心，慈悲心啊！”
人有诚心，佛有感应。只要我们坚信观世音菩萨，菩萨一定会保佑我们众生的。
就在老奶奶入院的第20天，奇迹出现了：老奶奶苏醒过来了！我感动得眼泪也是止不住往下流。真的是太好了，太法喜了。太感恩菩萨妈妈的慈悲，有求必应，救了老奶奶，也救了我们全家。
就在老奶奶入院的第30天，老奶奶出院了！旁边的护工看到老奶奶的变化，也直呼太神奇了。像这么大年龄，受伤这么严重，竟然能苏醒过来，而且1个月就能出院。这简直就是奇迹啊！倘若没有菩萨妈妈慈悲救度，老奶奶想必会出现另外一种我们谁都不想看到的结果。
11月30日，老奶奶的儿子与我先生协商处理善后事宜。协商期间，我念了2组心灵密码，求菩萨妈妈保佑事情能处理得顺利圆满。双方在协商过程中没发生任何不愉快。最后，双方达成共识，我家赔偿给对方9万1千元！菩萨慈悲让大事化小。我再一次感动得流泪了。
这次交通事故，菩萨不仅挽救了老奶奶的生命，还救了先生的慧命。之前，先生反对我学佛念经。通过这件事情，先生改变了原来的态度。他有时念菩萨圣号，听师父开示，听师父讲《白话佛法》。我知道这都是菩萨慈悲加持和保佑的结果！我只有好好修，坚持修学下去，才对得起菩萨！
一晃四年过去了，老奶奶如今还健在。每次路过她家门口时，看到晒着的衣服，屋里亮着的灯，我都深有感触。若不是接触到这么好的心灵法门，若不是师兄们慈悲帮助，万一老奶奶有个三长两短，老奶奶一家会多么悲痛。我和先生的心里会受一辈子的折磨。我们两家人的命运将完全不会是现在这般祥和。无限感恩观世音菩萨慈悲救度了我们两家人。
佛法难闻今已闻。我们要好好珍惜这份佛缘。唯有学佛念经才能改变命运，过去不好的学佛后会变好，过去好的方面学佛后会变得更好。真是一人学佛、庇佑全家！
我发愿：一定不忘菩萨妈妈的救度，不忘师父的教诲，好好学佛，真修，实修，多做功德，多度人，尊师重道，一门精进，永不退转！把这么好的佛法介绍给更多的有缘众生，让更多的有缘众生学佛受益，离苦得乐！只有这样，才对得起菩萨的恩情！佛法无边，信者得度！感恩度我学佛、帮助过我的无缘大慈、同体大悲的师兄们在学佛的路上对我的关心与帮助，让我有幸遇到这么灵验无比的心灵法门！希望看到或听到我分享的有缘众生，不要再犹豫了，赶紧捧起经书学佛念经吧！我的分享到此结束。​
再次感恩南无释迦牟尼佛！感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法金刚菩萨！感恩弘法度众舍身忘我的恩师慈父卢军宏台长！
分享过程中如有不如理不如法之处，请南无释迦牟尼佛慈悲原谅！请南无大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背！
分享人：朱同修感恩合十
2020-01-11 收到
2023-03-27 发布
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Disclaimer of Liability:
The contents of the presentation and answers, including text, images, and other information obtained from Dharma practitioners, are provided strictly for reference purposes. Due to the unique nature of individual karma, results similar to those experienced by the authors may not be replicated. The experiences and advice shared should not be construed as medical advice or a diagnosis.
In the event of an emergency, it is crucial to promptly contact your doctor or emergency services by dialing 911. Relying on any information found in the answers is done solely at your own risk. The translator and answerer bear no responsibility for the consequences. By using or misusing the contents, you accept liability for any personal injury, including death. It is imperative to exercise caution and seek professional medical guidance for health-related concerns.

I have recently evolved my beliefs in the last 5-6 years where I no longer consider myself religious, in regards to religious beliefs while also just considering myself spiritual.
I do not follow a title of what I am or anything, but believe in my soul that it's important to do meaningful celebrations and traditions that align with my lifestyle, values, personal beliefs in order to honor my personhood and a healthy balance of ensuring I don't self-abandon myself.
I don't want to put myself into a box ever again, so I just focus on being intuned with myself.
I now think that life is just way too short to do stuff just because that's how you were raised or was taught to do.
I've overcome a lot of religious abuse as well as the mindset in which I was raised and that of my origin family. Some of my most traumatic life experiences happened on the account of my 'upbringing', the beliefs I was raised to believe, a result of religious abuse and generational trauma, where those dogmatic scriptures, beliefs and texts led me to continually go down roads that did not protect me for the simple fact that they pushed 'self-sacrifice' and 'religious-pleasing lifestyles' that do not compliment, protect, and support positive outcomes for women, and sometimes children. I was taught to just do it because that's what the religion inspires, or what the social constructs say to do.
It did not help that I just didn't know any better-I've let go the regret of this innocent ignorance and grief that it initially brought on. Looking back, I cringe at the decisions, choices, and 'enduring' I had survived from that awful upbringing-I now recognize that as, the 'hidden abuse' for a good internal family image-that I too was not aware of until recently, and just the disgusting dysfunctional family dynamic that has revealed itself since I've started to slash those generational curses.
I was abused by one parent growing up by the way, and told the other who did nothing but 'took ME to my extended family's church'. They never stopped it, protected me or stood up for me. Now, much later in adulthood I'm realizing that both of them were abusive, just in different ways and I understand my psycho-emotional disconnect from them and my origin family in general because I spoke up when it happened, even later in early adulthood and I never realized the pattern of describing me as 'dramatic' or continually trying to treat me like a child despite my very grown-up adult age, were and is their way of trying to force suppression of my voice, independence, growth, healness, and strength.
My other siblings are dismissive and become extremely argumentative or defensive of our 'loving parents' with any mention of how we grew up, or verbally attack me/talk about me to other family members like I'm the one with the issues with any effort I put forth to ask questions of why and to hold them accountable, or to just disassociate with an image I know is false, have my own life and live truly as a loving and peaceful person, or even just enforce the boundaries that I need that provide safety and continual psycho, emotional, mental, and antimanipulative protection.
I've finally realized that my growth, healness, counseling and the completion of my adult therapy program was and is a threat to the fake image they've all created after all these years. I did not tell them that I've done the work and have finally woke up from this reality due to therapy, because they don't know my current life business and just speculate and make up rumors and assumptions about me and what I have going on or why I'm 'acting' the way I'm 'acting' as truth, without ever even trying to even talk to me or not just assumes someone's continual triangulation is even the truth.
I am at peace, extremely successful and have overcome many things that would typically break the average person. Any reinforcement of boundaries, standing up for myself or attempt to distance myself from my parents since realizing how f'd up they did me when this was happening-even with my forgiving them for this throughout my life.
However, the older I get, when they continue to display the same patterns that were present during the abuse, now, including the thought of why did I even allow them a relationship with me in my life as an adult-because I get so disgusted with even the thought I'd ever allow a child to be abused by my spouse and let alone, stay married to them for decades afterwards. I can't believe I invited them to my wedding and we were the 'loving' bride's side...why was I so like "this is my family and we love each other, we're a close happy family" in my adulthood so long still? Until I woke up? There's so much I've since resolved with my therapist and have done the work to heal from-these are just questions to share the process I went through for insight. Also---It's really pathetic when I think about how different of a compassionate and truly loving person that I've become. I couldn't even fathom allowing abuse in my life or anything even remotely close to it or especially to be done to a CHILD...but here's more of how all my realizations have led me to where I am now:
I am SO glad that I am the VERY manifestation of 'WHEN you know BETTER, you DO better'...oh how the magicalness and bravery of individuals like Maya Angelou, Terrance Howard, and other past/currently alive ascended masters, who did and are leaving the breadcrumbs that nourish the souls of humanity on Earth today... The awakening and true freedom of thought and consciousness of myself has not only changed, but has elevated my existence, and my life.
I now experience the divine nature of love and revelation on a spiritual level that has brought abundance to me in every way and at every level.
I've done so much work, healing, therapy, service, reflection and growth, that the peace I feel daily, is what I never imagined happiness would be like.
To purely love and evolve as I truly am and meant to be, it's frustrating when the one group who we're taught is supposed to 'really' be your people, have been everything but that.
In the last 4 years, my life before now had been turned upside-down. In retrospect from now, I see why, as it had catapulted me into the healed, peaceful and abundant life that I have now.
...But, when everything started to happen, I really THOUGHT they (my family of origin) were there for me. I went to them for guidance and advice-I hadn't awakened to my newfound wisdom-filled reality at this point yet-and they appeared caring, so I thought...
I went to them because I thought they were the only people in my life by this point, who truly loved me 'unconditionally'. Much happened. I took some of their advice in the very beginning, but at the same time I started to remember who the ... I am...and it was on and popping from there, Baby!
From the multiple crises that I'd found myself in all those years ago: I went to therapy, did counseling, shadow work and started reparenting my inner child. I journaled and started to meditate and the answers flowed through me. I allowed the plan for my life to take shape and one after another, I started to solve my problems, so gracefully, all while growing, healing, and finding the peace that I had in my life before these many situations developed. However, it was on a whole other level, an intrinsic peace that scaffolded into a snowball of peace in every area I've ever struggled.
In the last year though, I have survived what I would consider my dark night of the soul and I feel remembered, like, renewed into the person I always had been, but wasn't aware of until now.
I now have strong boundaries that not only protect me, but they also hold me accountable to gracefully standing up for myself, my own personhood, my values, my beliefs, and that which keep me committed to the lessons I learned so painfully over these last few years, just from the 'not knowing any better' and...whew...religion, patriarchy, and so much more of how I was raised that pain-wrenchingly just set me up for failure in this life, if I never had made a change.
I'm SO happy I learned about just how all these constructs and societal blockages were NOT for my flourishing in life, on my own. Finally, the realization.
The more healed, awakened, and spiritual I became, the more I realized the family system that I was raised in, saw me as a threat. Looking back, so much of what I went through and was done to me was beyond messed up and downright wrong and abusive.
So now, there's this awkwardness of not knowing the true extent of the abuse in how I was raised beyond what I can remember...but what I do remember was jail-worthy and I remember calling out that the parent who was doing it deserved jailtime, but I was bullied, threatened with homelessness and I was a child. I didn't know about all the resources available or what I could do besides tell my other parent. 😪
...I did try to call out the obvious stuff as I got older, but I didn't understand that I was covertly bullied and gaslit when I tried to stand up originally...I was always told I need to 'forgive and forget'...and what would ... do? And... 'as a .... we are here to love thy neighbor...' bluh blue bluh...-My whole life, I didn't realize that I was the family scapegoat until 2024.
No matter how much I tried with the things I knew were outwardly morally wrong then, it wasn't until therapy that anyone in addition to myself validated my experiences; that abuse is abuse, every last form of it, and it doesn't matter in what context it happens: religious or political and about 20 other different forms, is not okay...
-So back to the awkwardness of having this lifelong 'close family' that I once thought was so strong and healthy, loving, both parents still together and 'in love', all 8 siblings with 'decent' relationships (not really, they're all really toxic, invisibly debted with that unseen abuse like financial-emotional-mental- cheating/sexual-behind closed doors-whats stays in this house type dysfunction that I'm sure I haven't seen because-behind closed doors-the same trifling household we were raised in), my whole life...UNTIL I LITERALLY woke up within the last year to REALIZE how JACKED UP they were and are. Thinking back to all the times I was not supported or protected, I was the one in the family, out of all 10 who was ever truly genuine, purely intentioned, loved unconditionally...and had no complex with CONTROL...just, it was just me...
Ask me how I know...
The very situations I've found myself in these last 6 years, when I deconstructed from all things religious and political or anti-dignity, when I started to stand up against things without fear, that were not okay, or for the true safety and benefit of humanity of living beings...EVERYTHING started to crumble and I BECAME public enemy number one in my origin family and then marriage. I hate that I grew up so green and just didn't know about stuff until it happened to me in adulthood like misogyny, chauvinism, patriarchy, that 'women are less than' mindset because I would have not married my ex-I was so naive and innocent/blind. I thought how I carried myself was strong and 'obedient' to the 'Word'- NEVER AGAIN-this second half of life will be my path, what makes me feel safe, protected, honored, loved, cherished, happy, filled with joy, and at peace.
At first it was covert while they 'mistakenly forgot my boundaries' or 'didn't know what I'm doing now'...or the 'assuming and then making up their own thing and spreading the lie-behind my back"...
Also, any attempt to speak up and honor the abuse and neglect in childhood that I've overcome and have healed from and ask simple acknowledgment for from my parents, turns into excessive triangulation bringing everyone into the mix (again, in the shadows without my knowledge and behind my back), to point out my downfalls I literally just overcome and healed from these last 4 years, and then continue making up lies about me, spreading false rumors to extended family I don't engage with, don't have a relationship with, or whom I've cut off for being too toxic never changing... making more false grandiose accusations, saying I've talked about or down about people, made claims that I'm better than everyone, that it's all about me...etc...literally because all I did was reiterate my boundaries I've set, called people out for it, who have done toxic things to me. This is in addition to being accused of being all kinds of things because I've 'distanced' myself (from people who are not kind to me and who talk about me behind my back and have called me cruel names for calling them out on the toxic behavior they display towards me for being my own person and holding my ground on my own decisions as a full 30+ year old adult with my own family).
-I literally have a ~8+ minute voice-mail of an origin family member talking to someone about the hardships I've survived in the last 6 years because they unknowingly butt-dailed me last month and I received it and haven't confronted them yet, because I know it'll be a waste of time).
They have everyone sharing lies about me between the family, calling me after not hearing from them for months and trying to start arguments over nonexistent issues we've never had, taking a statement out of context and championing as a 'see see see she's doing this or that to me when they are the one calling me out of the blue (after already having done previous things to me that I yet again addressed and was ignored about, never chaning the behavior or apologizing) and trying to start stuff with me while I was minding my own business...
...all this from a recent holiday that I no longer celebrate that they're fully aware of.
They know I'm no longer religious, I have different beliefs and values now and instead of respecting it, they spread rumors, accusations, lies, unproven opinions, attempting various forms of triangulation to target me.
What makes it worse is that my relationship with my parents are so strained. They both took part in the abuse I suffered as a child. Being that I thought I had a really good relationship with one of them until this recent realization (I realized recently that they both were guilty, not just the one who committed it, the other always acted like they didn't know-but they did and admitted it recently). No say strained is an understatement honestly, but I had trying to at least be LC because of their relationship with my own family I've had since adulthood.
However, it was becoming increasingly difficult to even be around their religious talk and 'fake I love all my neighbors, I practice the daily religious routines everyday and read the text daily I'm so devout' act...
On the outside they look like they are just the epitome of devout faith individuals and they are living in according to what religious dogma aim for, all while secretly knowing what they did and allowed in our household-all my memories are very clear to this day, especially since I've awakened.
First Xmas was an issue even though that was a boundary for me. I suggested they were welcomed to celebrate the winter solstice with me, they declined, and I respected that. I offered a nice dinner the week beforehand as an alternative.
Then it was Easter, I declined (as I've reminded them that I hold different beliefs and values now which have really cultivated my lifestyle being different from theirs now, and reminded them that it is not difficult for me to respect their beliefs and values; that I expect the same level of respect from them). As an alternative, since they too were interested in celebrating for a totally different holiday/celebration, as I honor the spring solstice, I suggested a nice lunch on a regular unanchored day to any meaning, and to drive to the country and have a day of exploration where we could end with a dessert picnic on a rolling hill in the place I mentioned. They declined.
Since fully coming out the spiritual closet, most of my origin family has either lied about their communication service being interrupted, they have to work-most don't have jobs, or that they are so busy in their schedules, but are on social media all day-secretly being judgemental talking about people in general (strangers on the internet) who are in very difficult life/hard personal situations where they judge them based on the patriarchal and religious dogma we were raised in. It's really sad to me I have no more interest in engaging with negative people.
But what's really pathetic is they make up rumors and lies about me and start drama for my having my own separate lifestyle now everytime a national political holiday (tied to some form of historical trauma) or a religious holiday comes around as they (mentally try to) attack me because I didn't celebrate or 'honor' them-all while not knowing I have proof of every last one of them talking about me badly behind my back with lies and/or spreading rumors about me that aren't true. Literally.
The last straw was the most recent holiday, not calling or contacting them because I refuse to have or remind them for the 1,000,000th time about that boundary and standing up for my beliefs-it's so exhausting.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live around positive, encouraging and accepting people who live by love and honoring everyone's humanity no matter their religion, gender, sex, background, status, etc...and just being kind to people in general, as long as they're not murdering or harming others (outside of self defense, like TRUE self-defense and not the kind cruel people try to use as a cover to inflict harm), everyone has a right to believe in and have the values that make them feel safe and whole.
Long story short, I know I am not the AH for standing my ground and protecting my personhood and that NO ONE on earth is entitled to what I believe, value, or what I choose to celebrate or not.
*I'd like to add a note that I have done especially deep, caring, loving, and acknowledgingly beautiful actions throughout every year my whole entire life and not just since this recent change in these last few years, like 12-20 times a year.
I no longer try to keep explaining or trying to defend why I'm defending myself against disrespect and people who are not gentle towards me like I've been with them throughout my life, always there, always the one to support.
I just do not care anymore, if I have to be along or start my (chosen) family this time around, I will. I just despise drama and toxicity. I will not let it permeate into the peaceful life I've fault to build.
(Thank you if you've made it this far)
-The Recently Realized Family Scapegoat and origin family generational curse-breaker

Hartmann flies towards Yu Huang on his new waterbound Hydra. As the plane begins to fire Yu Huang holds out his hand, the Hydra getting in the way again, blocking the bullets with one of its heads, another head snapping towards the plane, Hartmann going up and above it. “Damn! This new dragon would DIE for you huh, Herr Huang!?”
“It will do no such thing, Hartmann. I would not allow such behavior from my dragons! The hydra’s regeneration allowed it to live so long as a head remains!” He calls out, Hartmann laughing happily.
“Right. So I gotta take out ALL the heads at once!? Kinderspiel!” He calls out as he spins around to approach Yu Huang again.
Yu Huang scoffs, stamping down his staff. “Hmpf. Child’s play you say? Doubtful any child should find themselves in the midst of these battles! Unless you consider yourself a mere CHILD!”
Izanagi crosses his arms with a smirk. “You tell him, old friend! Bwahaha!”
Ao Kuang and his brothers all facepalm a little. “Our father needs to work on his banter huh, Tsukuyomi?”
Tsukuyomi looks back briefly. “Oh um… I guess so? It is not… what I admire him for.”
"Right… us neither.”
Yu Huang spins his spear back, thrusting forward and one of the hydra’s heads mimic his movement and FIRES off its head from the socket, Hartmann’s eyes widening as he does a full flip midair to fly over it.
Hartmann’s gaze suddenly drops a little, darkening. “I suppose we should stop using the baby guns then! Let’s switch to something more ADULT!” Hartmann approaches once again, confidently letting go of the control stick and suddenly he flips upside down in his glass bubble cockpit. On the opposite side is another two handles, which he grabs hold of and shoves them forward, thumbs on the buttons at the end of each. Two plates move aside on the bottom of the plane and two large gun-barrels shoot out, pointing in the direction Hartmann is looking. He starts firing, the heavy rattling of bullet-casings plunging off the sides of the jet and heavy bullets smashing against Yu Huang’s hydra, forcing him to dodge rather than merely block it with the heads as they are torn apart by these bullets, the head snaking back and forth in the water, the hydra’s underwater body darting backwards. “That’s right! Kinderspiel! Limiting yourself to only TWO planes of movement, Herr Huang!? Not a smart idea when you’re against the greatest three dimensional fighter in ALL THE HEAVENS! If this is your best idea then I will NEVER be shot down!” He laughs with a strained smirk. “Never…”
Yu Huang blocks a bullet, deflecting it to the side with his spear. “Such arrogance! And yet you too have limited your movement no!? Without your hands on that stick in your machine you move in ONE dimension! Straight ahead!” He pushes his palm forward, two hydra heads shooting forth from the water aimed directly at the jet.
Hartmann doesn’t have time to readjust his seat, but he smirks. “And here I thought you and I had an understanding, Herr Huang!” He suddenly kicks his foot past the yoke before pulling and catching it on his foot, yanking himself into the air, blood rushing to his head but he merely shakes it off. “Woooooohoooo!”
Yu Huang sees the jet twirling in the sky and he pauses. “To think once upon a time… I too believed myself untouchable… How foolish I was.”
-Ancient Past-
Yu Huang raises the gavel. “This meeting is hereby adjourned!”
“But we still have the matter of what to do with Wukong?” A god chimes in as Yu Huang slams down his gavel.
“I have no care for that monkey. Do not waste my time, you imbecile or I will show you why I rule this council,” He holds up his hand and the green energy flows up his wrist, forming little scales around his fingers.
The god flinches and swiftly rushes off. “Nevermind! My apologies!”
Yu Huang stands from his seat. “Hmpf. Wukong,” He mutters to himself before stepping off the throne onto the head of a few dragons acting as his staircase, the beasts whimpering as he does. “Silence. Follow,” He walks out of the council jumping into a saddled dragon which quickly flies him off towards the Jade Palace. “Before this. We go east,” He mutters with a smirk. The dragon roars and shoots towards the west, landing at a large temple, Ao Kuang standing outside, next to a large red pillar with golden rims.
“Father?! I-I did not expect to see you here!” Ao Kuang quickly kneels, as Yu Huang strides past him.
“You bow too late, dragon. A king you may be, but that is nothing to an emperor. I expect you to be kneeling BEFORE I arrive,” He says and Ao Kuang feels a bead of sweat dripping from his forehead. He upset his father… This is not good. “I am feeling charitable at the moment. So I will forgive it this once. So tell me. How is the caged ape?” He smirks and Ao Kuang stands and nods.
“The caged monkey! Yes of course! Um… I do not mean to upset you further, father… but…” As they walk in they hear banging of flesh on metal, wet bangs… as they walk in Wukong is standing in a large golden bird-cage elevated above a massive hole in the ground, water flowing into it from all sides. Wukong is HAMMERING his fists at the bars, blood dripping from his fists and feet as he goes, the golden pristine pillars making up the bars all colored red with blood. His eyes are wild and focused on the pillars. He has not even seen Yu Huang enter. “But the monkey has not stopped striking the cage since his imprisonment 1000 years ago.”
Yu Huang’s eyes go slightly wide. “Not for a moment, you say? Hmpf. Foolish mortal. MONKEY!” He calls out, Wukong’s eyes flickering and he stops with one final punch, shaking the cage. “How are you enjoying your endless life in Heaven?”
“Fuck you…” Wukong says, springing towards the closest point to Yu Huang. “Come in here you bastard! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you and ALL your BASTARD kids for what you did! Show you what it’s like!”
Yu Huang laughs. “Oh please,” He raises his hand and with a single palm strike a dragon-head blasts forth from his palm, striking Wukong and knocking him to the other side of the giant cage he is in. “You would stand no chance. I am not some mortal being. I am The Jade Emperor. Do not forget this,” He smirks and turns to leave. “I have seen what I need to see. I am going home.”
Ao Kuang bows his head. “It was wonderful to be graced with your presence, father,”
“You are most welcome,” Yu Huang steps onto his staddled dragon once again and it flies off. “Foolish monkey. Attempting to argue and challenge a god such as myself? Preposterous.”
And so… time passed. Every 1000 years or so Yu Huang would visit the temple to check in on Wukong. Each interaction between the two followed this same pattern. Yu Huang was quite pleased with his work. The disrespect Wukong had shown him, making him pleased to see the monkey getting his comeuppance.
Yu Huang is sitting in the Jade Palace, looking out into his garden seeing his mighty dragons, chained to the ground to ensure they do not fly away. Those darn beasts do not listen to authority! Yet undoubtedly the dragon is the greatest symbol of power in all of Heaven! He suddenly hears a loud and disruptive CRASH outside. “What is the meaning of this!?” He says waving his hand. “Guards. Deal with whatever that was,” However before any of the angel guards can even leave another angel comes BURSTING through the door.
“Lord! Lord Yu Huang! It’s… IT’S WUKONG!” He yells, Yu Huang’s eyes going wide as he stands.
“Wukong!?” He swiftly makes his way down to the bottom level. “That monkey escaped?! What trickery he must have used. I shall punish Ao Kuang DEARLY for this!” He says before the front door BLASTS open and an angel comes tumbling in, Yu Huang stopping him with a flick of his palm, causing a dragon tail to swipe the angel aside. He furrows a brow as Wukong comes walking through the door, an aura of DEATHLY killing intent following him like a thick black smog. “So… you have escaped. I am quite impressed. And what will you do now?” He says smirking confidently. Wukong tosses something he’s holding above his head into the room. Yu Huang hears four grunts of pain seeing the Four Dragon Kings writhing on the floor. “Ao Kuang! Stand and get your prisoner under control. This is ridiculous.”
Ao Kuang pants, bleeding from his head and struggling to move. “I’m sorry father… I do not know… how this happened. He’s… too strong… he took the Pillar somehow. Ruyi Jingu Bang. He simply… picked it up. I have never seen anything like it.”
Yu Huang scoffs. “You expect me to deal with this myself then? How disappointed I am in you.”
“Sorry Father…”
Yu Huang looks up towards Wukong. “Tell me, monkey. What purpose have you brought these four to my doorstep? Simply to prove yourself worthy to fight me?”
Wukong slams his staff down. “I’m gonna kill these sons of yours in front of you. And then you. Let’s see how YOU like it when your family dies in front of your eyes!” He raises it and holds it to Ao Kuang’s head. “Simply letting go of this and his head is crushed to a paste.”
Yu Huang raises an eyebrow. “My sons? These are not my sons. These are my servants. The guards for my temples. You believe them to be irreplaceable to me? Though I suppose it would be a bother to do so. Very well. I shall allow you to face me,” He takes a stance, the green energy flowing into his palms, forming dragons to float around them ready to blast forward.
Wukong’s eyes widen. “You’re worse than scum… you don’t even care! This guy!” He nudges Ao Kuang. “Was more afraid of you being disappointed in him than he was of ME killing him! What kinda monster are you!?” He shoves the four dragon kings aside.
Yu Huang scoffs. “Insolent child! Allow me to show you the strength of Heaven’s mightiest god!” He strikes forward one of the dragons he created, shooting forward only for him to suddenly find Wukong’s hand wrapped over his face.
“This one is for Zhu, my best friend. The person who stood beside me all my life and helped me through countless tough decisions.” Yu Huang is BLASTED through the back wall of his palace, into the dragon-filled courtyard.
“Ngh!?” Yu Huang recovers, with a wave of his hand a dragon head forming under his feet to gently set him on the ground. “You caught me off-guard with that speed. I am impre-” He is forced to lean himself over backwards as Ruyi Jingu Bang SHOOTS forward out of the hole in the wall, Wukong suddenly above him, standing on the staff.
“This one is for Bai, the love of my life, the only woman I will ever love,” He strikes down, hammering Yu Huang into the ground hard enough to dislodge the pillars holding down his dragons who all scatter into the sky. Yu Huang claps, sending a pulse of energy out around him swirling with dragonic murals within the shield.
“So you are a little stronger than I care to admit! You are going to BEG me for mercy!” He says before suddenly Wukong is standing in front of his shield.
“This one’s for the chief, the man who took care of me, despite my faults, who was kind to me when I was unworthy of his kindness,” He kicks forward the shield shattering like glass, Yu Huang feeling his lunch coming up as he’s struck in the stomach, coughing up blood and vomit before he goes flying into the sky. As he reaches the pinnacle he feels Wukong’s hand once again grabbing him. He’s so fast! What is going on!? “And this is for my kids. Luohou, Yuebei and Jidu. Who did no harm to you or anyone else, merely teased one another as siblings do,” Wukong’s voice is practically lifeless as they fall towards the palace, Wukong HURLING Yu Huang downward, crashing through floor after floor after floor until he once more strikes the ground floor where their ‘fight’ started.
“Kah!” Yu Huang looks up seeing Wukong hurling his staff down as well, and it grows. Yu Huang is trembling in every bone. He cannot defeat this mere mortal. This MONKEY!? Where was this arrogance of his coming from? Supreme power? Birthright? How could all of it measure up to NOTHING? There was no divine pride left. A mere mortal, whom he had treated as less than dirt, was able to simply waltz into HIS palace, dismantle HIS guards and crush HIM effortlessly!?
“And THIS! Is for the rest of the Anima! A people plagued by war, but one that could have become something greater given time! The millions of lives YOU ENDED with your cruelty!” MONKEY KING’S GOD-CRUSHING…!! However, suddenly Yu Huang sees shadows looming over him. The Four Dragon Kings.
“Do not worry father! We will protect you!” Wukong’s eyes widen as he kicks the staff down, shrinking it back to normal size and it pierces through the floor, embedding itself without touching any of the five gods.
He lands in front of them rather nimbly. “What are you protecting this ASSHOLE for!? He treats you like servants! He doesn’t care about you!”
“He is all we have!” They all four hold their arms out. “We were worthless before he showed us a path. He may treat us as his servants. But to us he’s our FATHER! He gave us purpose. He showed us kindness when no other would! Killing him would do NOTHING for you, except… continue this cycle of revenge!” Ao Kuang calls out and Wukong grits his teeth, raising his hand to strike the weak and bruised Dragon Kings aside.
“Seeing your father struck down in front of you, huh? Revenge… violence,” He finds a string tugging at his heart, while Yu Huang looks at him, his eyes practically shaking and unable to focus. Wukong picks his staff out of the ground, stomping up to Yu Huang, picking him up by the throat, Yu Huang desperately firing a shot of jade energy at Wukong’s head, striking him dead on yet he didn’t even react. What is this ridiculous strength!? “What’s wrong, Yu Huang? Scared of a monkey? Don’t be. You got some good kids. But understand this. I am not forgiving you. I’m showing you something I don’t think you gods have ever heard of. Mercy. You gods have tormented me for long enough. It’s MY turn to torment you guys a little… by living a free life,” He tosses Yu Huang into the room, stretching as he walks out.
Ao Kuang and the other three kneel down to Yu Huang. “Father! Are you alright!? W-we apologize for not being able t-”
“No… I am the one who is sorry.”
“H-huh?!” They all look at one another in confusion.
“I have treated you poorly… What have I been doing? My arrogance, founded on my magical strength. Tormenting you, Wukong, the dragons. Oh the dragons!” He stands and looks to the skies seeing the dragons burning their saddles and muzzles from one another’s back, soaring free. “I truly… truly am not worthy of any of this…”
-Present day-
“You!? You defeated The Jade Emperor so effortlessly!? Incredible!” Sakai exclaims as Wukong looks at the screens with a light scoff.
“Yeah I did. Don’t think it’d be that easy anymore though.”
Pandora manages to strain herself to sit and look towards Wukong. “Ngh… what… do you mean, Wukong? You are… incredibly powerful still, right?”
Wukong nods. “I am, no doubt about that. But since I humbled that old bastard he bettered himself in every conceivable way. Even gave up his seat at the council.”
“So he’s… good now? Gah!” Pandora grabs her belly in pain as Hartmann begins to fire again.
“Ha! Fat chance! He still voted for your kind’s destruction and he STILL-” He cuts himself off, gripping his arm tightly from their crossed state, breathing in. “He’s not off the hook at all. I hate him moreso than any other. But with his newfound knowledge and understanding of dragons, the source of his power, his strength increased exponentially.”
Everyone’s eyes widen. “So simply that mental switch… and he’s THAT much more powerful?”
“‘fraid so, Pandora. That bastard’s one of the toughest gods in Heaven.”
Hephaestus pushes Pandora back onto her back. “Pandora… do not strain yourself, please!”
Pandora gives a strained laugh. “I’m fine, dad.”
Wukong squints. “I hope this Hartmann finally ends you, Yu Huang.”
Yu Huang smirks. “Truly incredible, Sun Wukong. To feel your animosity this far out…” He strikes the air with his palm again, sending Hydra-heads blasting towards Hartmann, who swiftly swerves aside, the hydra swimming away as fast as it can. “But for the sake of those who hold special places within my once cold heart…” Hartmann approaches again, switching his orientation again to fire his heavy cannons. “IT SHALL BE YOU WHO IS FELLED!” He yells out clapping his hands together the Hydra firing several of its heads towards the plane at once, Hartmann gritting his teeth.

im '30f' and my fiancé is '32m. We got engaged on my birthday 1 year ago from this Wednesday. Last night i had a dream about our wedding day. In the dream, i did all the pre planning.. but on the day of our wedding, there was no one around to help me. I was completely alone. I carried all my bags to the hotel/airbnb i was staying at. My family was out doing their own thing the whole time. I called my mom, she was taking a nap, i called my dad, he was sleeping. I forgot my dress at home because no one was helping me carry bags of stuff needed to get ready. My fiance and his family weren't around me. My family wasn't around. I sat in my hotel room alone. I decided i don't want to go to the wedding. I don't want to get married. No one cared. I felt so unloved and invisible, even on my wedding day. Can someone help me translate the meaning of this dream?