When you want to build head-to-toe strength — and you want to look awesome doing it — there are few lifts that can compete with the hardcore nature of the log press. The unstable, unwieldy log bar will have your entire body working in overdrive to clean it off the ground, up your belly and chest, and heft it into the air. Meanwhile, the neutral grips inside the bar allow you to do all of this with your shoulders in a less compromising position than they would be with a barbell lift.
Whether you’re looking to compete in strongman or just to add another strength-building lift to your repertoire, the log press can set you on the right path.
A shirtless, bearded person performs a log press.
Credit: Dmitriy Khitrin / Shutterstock
It’s got a heftier buy-in than a regular barbell press. Whereas barbells typically weigh in at 45 pounds, eight-inch diameter log bars weigh 50 pounds; 10-inch log bars come in closer to 72 pounds; and 12-inch bars get as heavy as 134 pounds. Not for the faint of heart, the log press will not only showcase your strength — it’ll build it, too.
How to Do the Log Press
Benefits of the Log Press
Muscles Worked by the Log Press
Who Should Do the Log Press
Log Press Sets and Reps
Log Press Variations
Log Press Alternatives
Frequently Asked Questions
How to Do the Log Press
Learning the log press may seem intimidating, and not without reason. To lift the 10-inch bar alone, you’ll need to be comfortable pressing over 70 pounds above your head. But if you’ve got that covered, all it takes is a little know-how and a lot of practice.
While strict presses are also possible, this guide discusses a push press version, where you get increased engagement — and loading potential — from your lower body.
Step 1 — Pull the Log Off the Floor
A person wearing pink shorts prepares to deadlift a log implement.
Credit: Worlds Strongest Gay – Rob Kearney / YouTube
Start in a deadlift position, hinged at your hips with bent knees. Position your feet a bit wider than shoulder-width and turn your feet slightly outwards. The log should be touching your shins. Grip the handles and pull your shoulder blades back and down. Drive through your legs to pull the log to your hips.
Form Tip: Tilt the log away from you by driving your wrists forward. You won’t scrape your legs and it’ll be easier to lap the log (see next step) as you can rotate the log into your hips.
Step 2 — Lap the Log
A person wearing pink shorts cleans a log bar into their lap.
Credit: Worlds Strongest Gay – Rob Kearney / YouTube
Once the bar is at hip level, squat down until the bottoms of your thighs are parallel with the floor. The bar should sit on top of your thighs, and your elbows should flare outwards. This position is referred to as, “lapping” the log.
Form Tip: Keep the log pressed firmly against your chest and stomach. If there’s any space between your body and the log, it’ll make the clean more difficult to execute.
Step 3 — Clean the Log
A person wearing pink shorts supporting a strongman log implement in the front rack position
Credit: Worlds Strongest Gay – Rob Kearney / YouTube
Though it’s called a “clean”, cleaning a log is mechanically different than the barbell variation. From the lap position, explosively stand up, driving you hips forward and rolling the log up your stomach and chest. As the log ascends, bring your elbows in and under the implement so that you end up in the front rack position.
Form Tip: You want your elbows up as high as you can get them, which means the bar will needs to sit on your upper chest and press into your neck. It’s not the most comfortable position, but it should last only but a few seconds.
Step 4 — Press Overhead
A person wearing pink shorts locks out a log bar overhead using a jerk technique.
Credit: Worlds Strongest Gay – Rob Kearney / YouTube
There are two primary ways you can lock out the log overhead. First, you can implement a split jerk, where you simultaneously drive the bar under head and dip under it by staggering your legs. The other option is the more standard push press, where you dip down a few inches and then explode up, using that leg drive to lock out your arms.
Form Tip: If you’re new to the log press, we suggest sticking with the push press option as it’s technically easier to master.
Step 5 — Lower With Control
A person wearing pink shorts lowers a log bar to their chest.
Credit: Worlds Strongest Gay – Rob Kearney / YouTube
Lower the log with control so it falls in front of your face (instead of onto your face). Catch the bar on your chest with a generous bend of your knees so your body can absorb the weight. Reset and repeat.
Form Tip: If you’re lifting a max effort press or are completing your last rep of the set, you can drop the log by letting your arms swing down in front of your body and dropping it onto the pads.
Benefits of the Log Press
The benefits of the log press are legion — as are the bragging rights you get when your lifting buddy films you crushing a new log press personal record. It’s not just about building more strength and power, either (though it is about that). The log press also puts your shoulders in a relatively stable position, making this a potentially more accessible form of overhead pressing than barbell pressing for those with shoulder issues.
Massive Pressing Potential
Unlike a barbell, the log bar has neutral grips. Since your shoulders won’t be in such a compromised position — that is, flared outwards — you’ll potentially increase the load you’re able to press by quite a significant sum. You can use that neutral grip to build your overhead strength even more than you could with your shoulders locked into the position a barbell puts them in.
Your body and muscles can therefore become accustomed to moving much bigger weights. As such, when you do go back to the barbell, you may well be able to handle pressing significantly heavier loads.
Full-Body Hypertrophy
The log press may be an overhead press at heart, but it won’t only challenge your shoulders. This move also taps into your triceps, lats, traps, core, and even leg strength in a huge way.
You’ll build muscle across your entire body, particularly your upper body. When training the log press for hypertrophy, you’ll go a bit lighter than you will when you’re going for max strength. But either way, working under such an intense stimulus will challenge your muscles to grow.
More Shoulder-Friendly
Although the log press is an intimidating lift, keep in mind that you’ll be using neutral-grip handles. This means that your shoulders will be in a less compromised position than they are during a barbell press, where your grip is horizontally-oriented. So you can lift even heavier in a position that’s better for your shoulders — a win-win for strength and longevity.
Full-Body Power and Conditioning
If you’re using a push press or jerk to heft the log over head instead of performing a strict press, you’ll need to generate huge amounts of power throughout your entire body. Everything from your toes to your fingertips need to be working together in an explosive fashion to successfully complete this lift.
Because this move requires you to generate so much power throughout your entire body, you’ll get your conditioning work in, too. From pulling and rolling the log bar into the rack position to using a full-body leg drive to lock it out overhead, you’re being both explosive and controlling your form all over your body. With so many moving parts, even one heavy rep can make you breathless — stringing together multiple reps can become a solid part of your conditioning routine.
Muscles Worked by the Log Press
The log press taps into so many different parts of your body. Here are some of the big movers.
Shoulders
Since this is, at the end of the day, an overhead press, your shoulders might be the first thing that comes to your mind with this lift. Sure enough, the log press requires and will develop very strong and stable shoulders.
Triceps
You can’t lock out heavy weights without some pretty powerful, well-developed triceps. In order to not let your triceps become a quick limiting factor to your log press, make sure you’re not neglecting them in the rest of your training.
Traps
In order to support the weight of the log overhead — and to help your shoulders out in the front rack position and with the end of the clean — you need strong traps. Without engaging your traps, you’ll have a difficult time setting up this lift properly and stabilizing it on top.
Lats
As you’re pulling the bar from the floor to your lap and rolling it up your body to set yourself up for the actual press, you’ll need your lats. They’ll help drive the pulling that begins this lift and — as they do in the bench press — will help you stabilize the lift during the pressing part of the movement.
Core
Falling over during your log press would not be optimal, to say the least. To keep your body steady, you’ll need a strong core — which is exactly what the log press will help you develop. Your core will also help you transmit force from your legs to your upper body when you’re using your leg drive to hoist the log bar overhead.
Quads
Finally, the log press will help you develop powerful quads. Sure, they won’t work them to the same extent that barbell squats will, but you’ll still be squatting in unstable conditions to get up into starting position. Then — unless you’re strict pressing — you’ll need your quads to generate a whole lot of power through your leg drive.
Who Should Do the Log Press
The log press doesn’t mess around when it comes to how much power you need to generate to hoist it over your head. With a buy-in weight of at least 50 pounds (for the smallest type of log bar), you need to be able to efficiently translate all your body’s power and strength into pressing prowess. A lot of different kinds of athletes might want to develop exactly that.
Strongwomen and Strongmen
Athletes who compete in strongman competitions will almost certainly want to train with the log press.
Not only is this often a competition lift in itself, but it also has direct carryover into other potential competition lifts, like the monster dumbbell press.
Weightlifters
Weightlifters will likely want to stick to a majority of barbell lifts, since the technique with a barbell is so specific and different from the log pressing technique. However, both competition lifts for weightlifters involve developing tremendous overhead strength and stability. A weightlifter may be looking for strength-building, shoulder-saving variety in their training during the offseason. If so, the log press might be an effective — and fun — way to do so.
Powerlifters
Unlike strongmen and weightlifters, powerlifters don’t overhead press in competition. However, many powerlifters might want to develop their overhead strength in the off-season for well-rounded strength. Overhead work can also help powerlifters develop stronger lats, traps, and shoulders, all of which are important for their big three competition lifts.
Because of the neutral grip provided by the log press, this might be a desirable overhead variation for powerlifters. It’ll be less taxing on your shoulders because of the grip orientation, which is exactly what you might need when you don’t want to set your shoulders up for failure during your bench pressing sessions.
Non-Competitive Gymgoers
You don’t have to be the biggest lifter on the block to benefit from — and enjoy — the log press. If you have access to one in your gym and are able to safely press it overhead, you might benefit a lot from the log press.
Not only will the training variety potentially add a lot of fun to your routine, but learning such a cool lift can be a great confidence-booster that keeps you coming back for more. Additionally, the neutral grip that the log bar provides might be great for non-competitive lifters who are looking for ways to press overhead without compromising their shoulders with horizontally-oriented grips.
Log Press Sets and Reps
Generally speaking, when you’re working with the log press, you’re probably looking to build max strength. That said, the log press has plenty of uses for hypertrophy and even conditioning.
For Max Strength
While you’re still learning the log press, work in the higher rep ranges before trying to max out and work in the lower, strength-building ranges. When you’re ready to develop max overhead strength with the log press, aim for three to five sets of two to five reps. You’ll want the weight to be heavy and approach failure — but make sure you’re able to maintain safe form throughout.
For Building Muscle
When you’re working toward hypertrophy with less involved, lighter lifts, you might be able to push toward failure with rep schemes between six and 12 to 15 reps. But lifting even moderately heavy with a log press might enable you to build a significant amount of muscle using fewer reps.
Because so much of your body is involved and you can move so much weight with this lift, higher rep counts will build muscle but also cross into endurance and conditioning territory. You’ll likely be able to build a hefty amount of muscle with three sets in the five to 10 rep range.
For Conditioning
Because the log press involves your entire body — literally from head to toe — and allows you to lift so heavily, you’re likely to get your heart rate up pretty high. Training the log press for conditioning will help you get stronger and more cardiovascularly fit all at the same time. How you approach this really depends on your experience and overall fitness level.
For some, you might consider eight reps to be more conditioning than you normally integrate into your training. For others, cranking out as many solid reps as possible in 60 seconds would be a more apt form of conditioning.
Log Press Variations
A log bar is such a highly-specific piece of equipment — but that doesn’t mean it can only help you complete one lift. Check out these log press variations to see how you can add even more spice to your log pressing life.
Log Viper Press
If the log press itself isn’t quite enough of a conditioning challenge for you, you might want to try the log viper press on for size. Instead of bringing the log bar back down to the front rack position between each rep, you’ll bring it back down beneath your chest.
Then, you’ll use your hip extension to take the bar in one swift movement over your head to lockout. It’ll look more like a snatch than a push press. This variation involves more hips and even more power than the original version, which you might love if you’re looking to develop as much explosivity as possible.
Strict Log Press
For the log strict press, you’ll be performing a log press — but without any momentum from your lower body. This takes the push or jerk element out of the move, which means you’ll be able to move less weight than you otherwise could.
But just because you’re moving less weight doesn’t mean it’s an inferior move. Being able to strict press build a great deal of core stability, not to mention places an even larger emphasis on your upper body muscles. Sure, they’ll be hefting less weight. However, without assistance from your lower body, it becomes entirely about how much your shoulders and upper body can move on their own.
Block Log Press
Want to eliminate the clean from the move? This way, you can focus solely on upper body strength and power without worrying about the awkwardness of the start of the move. In that case, start with the log on blocks just below your shoulders.
Doing this can serve as a great introduction to the move for beginners who haven’t quite gotten their heads around the awkward clean portion yet. It’s also a great option for advanced lifters who want to load up as heavy as possible for higher reps.
Log Press Alternatives
Don’t have access to a log? Not a problem. There’s another specialty bar that can help you press heavy overhead with a neutral grip. And if your gym doesn’t have any specialty bars to offer, you can still use a good old-fashioned barbell to get the job done.
Swiss Bar Press
While it’s not a log, the Swiss bar has one huge — and hugely important — similarity to the log bar. It comes with neutral grips, too. This means that you’ll be able to move weight overhead with your palms facing each other even if you don’t have access to a log bar.
This preserves the shoulder-saving aspect of the log press while still allowing you to put big weight above you. While it’s still a specialty bar, many gyms are more likely to have a Swiss bar than they are to have a log. In that way, this press is a great alternative for aspiring athletes without access to all the coolest strongman equipment.
Barbell Clean & Jerk
Because the implement is so different, the barbell clean & jerk requires different movement mechanics than the log press. So, it’s not a directly transferable skill. But, being proficient at one can potentially help you develop the body awareness to learn the other.
Plus, the barbell clean & jerk enables you to push a tremendous amount of weight overhead. If you’re looking to push a max amount of weight overhead without access to a log, this lift is an excellent option.
Get Pressing
Looking to compete in strongman and strongwoman events? Learning the log press will be a crucial part of your journey, because you’re likely to come across it as an official event. Even if you don’t have aspirations to compete, you might be looking for a way to push big weight overhead without a punishing shoulder angle. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that this is one of the coolest-looking lifts around.
Frequently Asked Questions
Folks who are just learning strongman and strongwoman lifts often have a lot of questions. And questions are good — they mean you’re paying attention and are more likely to learn what you need to succeed. Here are some questions that a lot of people have about the log press.
Do you need to learn the log press for strongman and strongwoman competitions?
Unlike powerlifting and weightlifting meets — which always feature the same lifts and competition structure — strongman and strongwoman competitions or more unpredictable. They don’t always feature the same lifts and feats of strength. That said, many competitions do feature the log press itself or other overhead variations. So, it’s worth learning if you can.
What if I don’t have access to a log bar?
Maybe you’re trying to compete, or maybe you just want to learn the log press because it looks and feels so darn cool. Whatever your motivations, you don’t have to despair if you don’t have access to the exact equipment the lift calls for.
So many strongman events rely on lifters being able to adapt to moving extremely heavy, extremely awkward implements. If you don’t have access to a log bar, get creative in your training — maybe with a Swiss bar, or maybe with a (sturdy) implement of your own making — to practice getting big weights overhead.
How much do log bars weigh?
That depends. Different log bars have different dimensions and diameters, all of which have their own unique advantages for training. While eight-inch log bars weigh 50 pounds, their 10-inch cousins are closer to 72 pounds. And 12-inch log bars can get as heavy as 134 pounds.
Smaller bars allow you to train with a bigger range of motion. So even though they’re lighter, they might challenge you more since you have to push them through more time under tension due to the larger range of motion.

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Update 2 (See part 1 below for background)
I asked him to sit down with me and he said things are so far gone there's nothing to see. If I can't contribute to the big bills then I can't help. I really think we are getting evicted soon. I told him I'm going to take our daughter and stay with my parents a few states away until we can figure this out. He's now guilt tripping me saying I'm abandoning him with this mess. I told him we are possibly going to be homeless living out of a hotel and I can't have our daughter living like that. He said it would be temporary. If we face eviction he won't be able to rent it buy a house and I don't make enough to qualify. He's really making me feel bad like I took advantage of being home and working around our daughter while he held everything down and now we are facing a crisis I'm leaving. I've wanted to leave for years! Sorry if TMI but we haven't slept in the same bed for over 10 years or "anything" else because he's so stressed with work trying to provide for us. I told him if he could be more present and help with our daughter I have NO PROBLEM getting a full time job. He said no I need you to take care of her. I'm so miserable but somehow I really feel guilty for him paying all these years but I also sacrificed my independence. Thank you again for reading and all of your support and advice❤️
Part 1- I've always made great money but when I got married me and my husband agreed that I would be the one to give up my career and stay at home. Now that our child is in school I have a job but I can only work so much because I have to be there to run our child to activities and be there when she needs me. We agreed that my husband's job would come first and my job would have to be flexible because we have no family around or support system. Everything that comes to our daughter falls on me. He pays for all of the household bills and I pay for all of the groceries extra curricular's ( dance so it's really getting expensive) and all the clothes as extra stuff that comes with a teen girl. We have no joint accounts or financial transparency he just pays the bills and what ever I can make goes to groceries and our daughter. I never have anything left for me which I'm ok with but what hurts is that he makes me feel like he's doing everything and I'm just another dependent. I tell him we need to connect but he says he stressed paying bills has no time for us. I have no idea what's going on financially on his end he's so secretive. I don't even know his bank accounts. He recently said we might be getting evicted because his work slowed down but when I see our tax returns it's the same amount as last year. He started trading in Forex but claims it's not taking anyone money but now we are facing eviction. I think he lost money in forex. I'm so scared. I really want a divorce. He talks to me so degrading like I can't and I don't help. My WHOLE check goes to groceries. He makes 3x what I make. Am I the ahole? I can't support me and my daughter if I leave him. I gave up all of my earning power. PLEASE HELP!

Final update- We are being evicted. He wasn't paying the rent for the past 3 months. He said things slowed down at his job and since there has never been financial transparency I believed him. I did some investigating and I saw his most recent pay stub and he was making less but it was still enough to cover the bills with a 500 dollar surplus each week. I looked at his total sum that he's made thus far since Jan and it's my whole take home for the year!! He's made what I make in a year in 5 months!! I am so disgusted and defeated. I'm taking my daughter and moving us in with my parents but the problem is they live 11 hours away and I have to uproot my daughter and switch schools to a district we don't know about as she enters high school and I have to leave my job. Please take this as a cautionary tale. DEMAND financial transparency if you decide to stay at home even if it's just for a few years. Any words of encouragement and prayers would be greatly appreciated right now. My heart is breaking.
Update**** (See part 1 below for background)
I asked him to sit down with me and he said things are so far gone there's nothing to see. If I can't contribute to the big bills then I can't help. I really think we are getting evicted soon. I told him I'm going to take our daughter and stay with my parents a few states away until we can figure this out. He's now guilt tripping me saying I'm abandoning him with this mess. I told him we are possibly going to be homeless living out of a hotel and I can't have our daughter living like that. He said it would be temporary. If we face eviction he won't be able to rent it buy a house and I don't make enough to qualify. He's really making me feel bad like I took advantage of being home and working around our daughter while he held everything down and now we are facing a crisis I'm leaving. I've wanted to leave for years! Sorry if TMI but we haven't slept in the same bed for over 10 years or "anything" else because he's so stressed with work trying to provide for us. I told him if he could be more present and help with our daughter I have NO PROBLEM getting a full time job. He said no I need you to take care of her. I'm so miserable but somehow I really feel guilty for him paying all these years but I also sacrificed my independence. Thank you again for reading and all of your support and advice❤️
***********£
Part 1- I've always made great money but when I got married me and my husband agreed that I would be the one to give up my career and stay at home. Now that our child is in school I have a job but I can only work so much because I have to be there to run our child to activities and be there when she needs me. We agreed that my husband's job would come first and my job would have to be flexible because we have no family around or support system. Everything that comes to our daughter falls on me. He pays for all of the household bills and I pay for all of the groceries extra curricular's ( dance so it's really getting expensive) and all the clothes as extra stuff that comes with a teen girl. We have no joint accounts or financial transparency he just pays the bills and what ever I can make goes to groceries and our daughter. I never have anything left for me which I'm ok with but what hurts is that he makes me feel like he's doing everything and I'm just another dependent. I tell him we need to connect but he says he stressed paying bills has no time for us. I have no idea what's going on financially on his end he's so secretive. I don't even know his bank accounts. He recently said we might be getting evicted because his work slowed down but when I see our tax returns it's the same amount as last year. He started trading in Forex but claims it's not taking anyone money but now we are facing eviction. I think he lost money in forex. I'm so scared. I really want a divorce. He talks to me so degrading like I can't and I don't help. My WHOLE check goes to groceries. He makes 3x what I make. Am I the ahole? I can't support me and my daughter if I leave him. I gave up all of my earning power. PLEASE HELP!

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  • https://www.reddit.com/sidehustlemoney/comments/17jswev/how_i_basically_travel_for_free/

Hi guys, only just discovered this place not long ago so just been looking around but seems like Ive found my people. I barely know anyone in my network that actively lucid dreams. On top of that, I believe I have a REM condition in that I will often fall straight into REM instead of going through the normal stages of sleep. This means I'm dreaming off a power nap or even a micro nap. People have suggested narcolepsy to me but I do not get sleep attacks or muscles suddenly relaxing so I'm not sure. Because of the frequency of my dreams and the extended amount of time in REM I can access with just a short nap, I've been able to practice dream recall and lucid dreaming at an accelerated since I was a very young. I'm still learning a lot of the techniques that this field has developed and I find they often over lap with what I have naturally been able to discover. While dreams are supposed to fade into memory, I seem to be able to remember them in detail and I often do this with something I call bookmarking if I want to make sure to remember the dream well instead of short sequences and flash backs. Maybe there is already a proper name for this technique but what I more or less do is just force myself to wake up in the dream so that I can remember it and I reenter that same dream to resume it or make a few changes.
I sympathize with some of the people posting here about trying to access the lucid state but there is a double sided edge to this at least for me. I will spend at least an hour or two every day just contemplating the experiences of my dreams and while you think this may be a good thing, it is very time consuming. They are either so fascinating or disturbing that they are hard not to think about. On a heavy night, I will have so many dreams that I wake up feeling mentally fatigued. I'm talking 10+ flash backs of what feels like seperate shows but all somehow connected in a strange multiverse. Further more and I'm not sure if this happens to other people as well but there is a darkness to my some of my dreams and presents itself as such. I will either be having a normal dream and it slowly turns into a nightmare of sorts and I become lucid. The dreams are not scary when you realise it is a dream but that does not mean they are any less disturbing. I wake myself up, reenter to try and change the dream but sometimes I don't have full control so I'm often fighting the nightmare or game master for control of the dream. Again, this leads to thinking about said dreams throughout the day. I can not stress how disturbing some of the images can be. I've seen loved ones butchered and hurt in every way possible, I've seen the collapse of our planet and galaxy and felt the empty coldness left behind. As I am very protective by nature, this often results in me going on a dream crusade punisher style enacting all kinds of revenge in my dreams as I take control back. I would rather not have to experience these in the first place and some of them are just dark dreams with nothing to fight. Something like wading through an ocean of corpses. I'll look around wondering why I am even here, have an intrusive thought like "I hope they don't start moving" and then I notice that they start moving and I nope out of there back into reality. These are only some of the down side but the vast majority of the dreams are good and interesting and mind blowing from space travel, video game, magic and many spiritual experiences. As many dreams as I have and even though I am very often lucid, I do not claim to be some dream master in any sense. Just for clarification I do not always have control of the dream. Sometimes I am the game master and other times it feels like I am just providing suggestions to the game master. The dreams are constantly drawing me in and I have to fight constantly and maintain what I can only describe as a mental balance to stay self aware. Often I will be lose awareness than become self aware, lose awareness and become self aware and the cycle repeats within a given episode of a dream and I will often remember multiple episodes a night. I suspect that perhaps sleep apnea may be having some strange affect where it is waking me up and I'm going back to sleep to start a new dream and this is why I may have multiple episodes of disconnected yet connected dreams every night but that's just a theory.
Anyways, I'm wondering if there are other users out here who are similar or have similar experiences? Would love to hear them.

The Characteristics Of Al-Mu’tasim
Foolishness
Al-Mu’tasim was foolish. Historians described him that when he became angry, he did not care whom he killed or what he did.
Dislike Of Knowledge
Al-Mu’tasim disliked knowledge and hated learned people. There was a servant with him who read with him in the book. The servant died and ar-Rasheed said to al-Mu'tasim, ‘O Muhammad, your servant died.’ Al-Mu'tasim said, ‘O yes, my master! He died and rested from the book.’ Ar-Rasheed said, ‘The book will rest from you. (to his men) Leave him! Do not teach him!’ Al-Mu'tasim remained illiterate. When he became the caliph, he did not know reading and writing and his vizier was unlearned. Ahmed bin Aamir described him by saying, ‘An illiterate caliph and an unlearned vizier.’3 He was divested of knowledge, virtue, and any good quality, by which he was supposed to deserve the caliphate in Islam that was the highest and most important position on which justice and equity among people depended. Al-Mu'tasim’s heart was full of spite and malice against Imam al- Jawad (a.s). He burst with rage whenever he heard the virtues and exploits of Imam al-Jawad (a.s) being mentioned. His envy towards him had led him to assassinate him as we shall explain later on.
Bringing Imam Al-Jawad To Baghdad
Al-Mu'tasim had ordered Imam al-Jawad (a.s) to come to Baghdad and he arrived in it in Muharram, 220 AH.9 When Imam al-Jawad (a.s) came to Baghdad, al-Mu'tasim house- arrested him to know all his affairs and activities. He ordered his men to watch him and he prevented him from connecting with his followers and those who believed in his imamate. Mu'tasim ordered Umm al-Fadhl to poison the Imam, and her brother Ja'far ibn Ma'mun, the accursed one, also helped and provoked her. she poisonedn bunch of grapes, and placed it in front of him. When the Imam had eaten from it, she regretted and went on to cry. He-asws said: ‘What makes you cry? By Allah-azwj! May Allah-azwj Strike you with sterility not to be restored, and affliction which cannot be veiled!’ She died in an illness, a hole appeared in the most covered of places of her body parts (private part). She spent her wealth and entirety of what she had owned, upon that illness, to the extent that she became needy to be nourished. And it is reported that the hole was in her private part. The accursed Umm al-Fadhl also contracted leprosy and descended into Hell in disgrace in the desert, and the dogs tore her body apart.
hemlock poison, whose characteristic was that it made the blessed feet of the Imam so heavy that he could no longer walk, and it made the Imam extremely thirsty, such that like his forefather Imam al Husayn a.s he said: 'Al-Atash, al-Atash' (The thirst, the thirst)... The wicked Umm al-Fadhl ordered the maids to beat drums and tambourines and dance so that his voice would not reach anyone's ears. Finally, Imam Jawad, peace be upon him, was martyred in loneliness on the dirt of his room while in exile. For three days, his blessed body remained on the rooftop of the house, and after that, Umm al-Fadhl threw the pure body down from the roof to the ground. The Shias took the blessed corpse and buried it on the 2nd of Dhu al-Hijjah in the presence of Imam al Hadi, peace be upon him.
‘When allegiance was pledged to Al-Mutasim, he went on to check his situation. He wrote to Abdul Malik Al-Zayyat to dispatch to him Al-Taqi-asws and Umm Fazl. Al-Zayyat dispatched Ali Bin Yaqteen to him-asws. He-asws prepared and went out to Baghdad. He honoured him-asws, and revered him-asws, and sent Ashnas bearing the gifts to him-asws and to Umm Al-Fazl Then he sent a drink of citron juice to him-asws under his seal upon the hands of Ashnas. He said, ‘Commander of the faithful has got Ahmad Bin Abu Dawood, and Saeed Bin Al-Khaeyb, and a group from the well-known people to taste it, and he orders you-asws to drink from it with the water of snow, and he has made it just now, and he says, ‘Drink it at night’. He-asws said: ‘It is beneficial (when) cold, and the snow has melted’. And he insisted upon that, so he-asws drank it knowing of their deeds. (The book) ‘Al Manaqib’ of Ibn Shehr Ashub –V4 p 416
وَ لَمَّا بُويِعَ الْمُعْتَصِمُ جَعَلَ يَتَفَقَّدُ أَحْوَالَهُ فَكَتَبَ إِلَى عَبْدِ الْمَلِكِ الزَّيَّاتِ أَنْ يُنْفِذَ إِلَيْهِ التَّقِيَّ وَ أُمَّ الْفَضْلِ فَأَنْفَذَ ابْنُ الزَّيَّاتِ عَلِيَّ بْنَ يَقْطِينٍ إِلَيْهِ فَتَجَهَّزَ وَ خَرَجَ إِلَى بَغْدَادَ فَأَكْرَمَهُ وَ عَظَّمَهُ وَ أَنْفَذَ أُشْنَاسَ بِالتُّحَفِ إِلَيْهِ وَ إِلَى أُمِّ الْفَضْلِ ثُمَّ أَنْفَذَ إِلَيْهِ شَرَابَ حُمَّاضِ الْأُتْرُجِّ تَحْتَ خَتْمِهِ عَلَى يَدَيِ أُشْنَاسٍ وَ قَالَ إِنَّ أَمِيرَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ذَاقَهُ قِبَلَ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ أَبِي دَاوُدَ وَ سَعْدِ بْنِ الْخَصِيبِ وَ جَمَاعَةٍ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِينَ وَ يَأْمُرُكَ أَنْ تَشْرَبَ مِنْهَا بِمَاءِ الثَّلْجِ وَ صَنَعَ فِي الْحَالِ فَقَالَ اشْرَبْهَا بِاللَّيْلِ قَالَ إِنَّهَا يَنْفَعُ بَارِداً وَ قَدْ ذَابَ الثَّلْجُ وَ أَصَرَّ عَلَى ذَلِكَ فَشَرِبَهَا عَالِماً بِفِعْلِهِم « مناقب آل ابیطالب ج ۴ ص ۴۱۶، بحار الانوار ج ۵۰ ص ۸، منتهی الآمال ص ۱۸۰۵»
(The book) ‘Uyoon Al Mojizaat’ – ‘When Abu Ja’far-asws and his-asws wife, the daughter of Al-Mamoun went out as pilgrims, and Abu Al-Hassan-asws brought out his-asws son Ali-asws, and he-asws was young, he-asws left him-asws behind in Al-Medina, and submitted to him-asws the inheritances, and the weapons, and texted upon him-asws in the witnessing of his-asws trusted ones and his-asws companions, and he-asws left to go to Al-Iraq, and with him-asws was his-asws wife, daughter of Al-Mamoun. And Al-Mamoun had gone out to a city of Rome, and he died at Al-Badeyroun during Rajab of the year two hundred and eighteen, and that was during the sixteenth year from the Imamate of Abu Ja’far-asws. And Al-Mutasim Abu Is’haq Muhammad Bin Haroun was pledge allegiance to during Shaman of the year two hundred and eighteen. Then Al-Mutasim went on to plot in killing Abu Ja’far-asws, and indicated to his-asws wife, the daughter of Al-Mamoun, that she should poison him, because he was aware of her turning away from Abu Ja’far-asws, and the intensity of her jealousy upon him-azwj due to his-asws preferring the mother-as of his-asws son-asws Abu Al-Hassan-asws over her, and because she was not graced with any child from him-asws. She answer him to that and went on to poison in a bunch of grapes, and she placed it in front of him. When he-asws had eaten from it, she regretted and went on to cry. He-asws said: ‘What makes you cry? By Allah-azwj! May Allah-azwj Strike you with sterility not to be restored, and affliction which cannot be veiled!’ She died in an illness, a hole appeared in the most covered of places of her body parts (private part). She spent her wealth and entirety of what she had owned, upon that illness, to the extent that she became needy to be nourished. And it is reported that the hole was in her private part. And he-asws passed away during the year two hundred and twenty from the Hijrah during the day of Tuesday of the fifth (day) vacant from Zil Hijjah, and for him-asws were twenty-four years and some months, because heasws was blessed (to his-asws parents-asws) in the year one hundred and ninety-five
Bihar Al Anwaar – V 50, The book of History – Muhammad Bin Ali-asws, Ch 1 H 26
لَمَّا خَرَجَ أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ عليهالسلام وَ زَوْجَتُهُ ابْنَةُ الْمَأْمُونِ حَاجّاً وَ خَرَجَ أَبُو الْحَسَنِ عَلِيٌّ ابْنُهُ عليهالسلام وَ هُوَ صَغِيرٌ فَخَلَّفَهُ فِي الْمَدِينَةِ وَ سَلَّمَ إِلَيْهِ الْمَوَارِيثَ وَ السِّلَاحَ وَ نَصَّ عَلَيْهِ بِمَشْهَدِ ثِقَاتِهِ وَ أَصْحَابِهِ وَ انْصَرَفَ إِلَى الْعِرَاقِ وَ مَعَهُ زَوْجَتُهُ ابْنَةُ الْمَأْمُونِ وَ كَانَ خَرَجَ الْمَأْمُونُ إِلَى بِلَادِ الرُّومِ فَمَاتَ بالبديرون فِي رَجَبٍ سَنَةَ ثَمَانَ عَشْرَةَ وَ مِائَتَيْنِ وَ ذَلِكَ فِي سِتَّ عَشْرَةَ سَنَةً مِنْ إِمَامَةِ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍعليهالسلام وَ بُويِعَ الْمُعْتَصِمُ أَبُو إِسْحَاقَ مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ هَارُونَ فِي شَعْبَانَ مِنْ سَنَةِ ثَمَانَ عَشْرَةَ وَ مِائَتَيْنِ ثُمَّ إِنَّ الْمُعْتَصِمَ جَعَلَ يَعْمَلُ الْحِيلَةَ فِي قَتْلِ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍعليهالسلام وَ أَشَارَ عَلَى ابْنَةِ الْمَأْمُونِ زَوْجَتِهِ بِأَنْ تَسُمَّهُ لِأَنَّهُ وَقَفَ عَلَى انْحِرَافِهَا عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍعليهالسلام وَ شِدَّةِ غَيْرَتِهَا عَلَيْهِ لِتَفْضِيلِهِ أُمَّ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ ابْنِهِ عَلَيْهَا وَ لِأَنَّهُ لَمْ يُرْزَقْ مِنْهَا وَلَدٌ فَأَجَابَتْهُ إِلَى ذَلِكَ وَ جَعَلَتْ سَمّاً فِي عِنَبٍ رَازِقِيٍّ وَ وَضَعَتْهُ بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ فَلَمَّا أَكَلَ مِنْهُ نَدِمَتْ وَ جَعَلَتْ تَبْكِي فَقَالَ مَا بُكَاؤُكِ وَ اللَّهِ لَيَضْرِبَنَّكِ اللَّهُ بِعَقْرٍ لَا يَنْجَبِرُ وَ بَلَاءٍ لَا يَنْسَتِرُ فَمَاتَتْ بِعِلَّةٍ فِي أَغْمَضِ الْمَوَاضِعِ مِنْ جَوَارِحِهَا صَارَتْ نَاصُوراً فَأَنْفَقَتْ مَالَهَا وَ جَمِيعَ مَا مَلَكَتْهُ عَلَى تِلْكَ الْعِلَّةِ حَتَّى احْتَاجَتْ إِلَى الِاسْتِرْفَادِ وَ رُوِيَ أَنَّ النَّاصُورَ كَانَ فِي فَرْجِهَا وَ قُبِضَ عليهالسلام فِي سَنَةِ عِشْرِينَ وَ مِائَتَيْنِ مِنَ الْهِجْرَةِ فِي يَوْمِ الثَّلَاثَاءِ لِخَمْسٍ خَلَوْنَ مِنْ ذِي الْحِجَّةِ وَ لَهُ أَرْبَعٌ وَ عِشْرُونَ سَنَةً وَ شُهُورٌ لِأَنَّ مَوْلِدَهُ كَانَ فِي سَنَةِ خَمْسٍ وَ تِسْعِينَ وَ مِائَةٍ.. «
عيون المعجزات، ص ۱۲۹، اثبات الوصیه ۲۱۹، دلائل الامامیه ص ۳۹۵، بحار الانوار ج ۵۰ ص ۱۶؛ جلاءالعیون ص ۹۶۷، منتهی الآمال ص ۱۸۰۴»
Cause of Imam’s martyrdom
It is mentioned in Tafsir Ayyashi that a man named Zarqan was a close friend of Qadi Ibne Abi Dawud. He narrates: One day when Qadi Ibne Abi Dawud came to me, he was highly distraught. I asked him what the matter was and he told me in a plaintive tone, “Alas! If I had only passed away twenty years ago instead of being humiliated!” When I asked him to explain, he said, “Today, Abu Ja’far Muhammad Ibne Ali humiliated me in the presence of the chief of believers, Mutasim.” “What happened exactly?” I asked. “A thief came to the chief of believers and said: I am a thief. Please issue the Islamic penalty to me and purify from my sin.” Mutasim summoned all the jurists including Abu Ja’far Muhammad Taqi and asked us from where the hand should be chopped. I told him from the wrist. When the Caliph asked me for the proof, I said that the Quran has mentioned cutting off the hand of the thief and the word of ‘yad’ implies the hand from the wrist as mentioned in the verse of Tayammum: “…then wipe your faces and your hands…”Surah Nisa 4:43 And the whole nation has consensus that here the word of ‘yad’ implies the hand from the wrist. So it similarly applies for the thief as well and his hand must be cut from the wrist. For some time there was dispute among the jurists with regard to my verdict and some suggested that his hand should be cut off from the elbow relying on the verse of ablution: “…and your hands as far as the elbows…”Surah Maidah 5:6 After that Caliph Mutasim glanced at Imam Muhammad Taqi (a) and said, “Abu Ja’far, what is your opinion regarding this issue?” “The jurists of the community have mentioned their views; now what is the need of my opinion?” Inspite of his reluctance, the Caliphate insisted. He said, “If you are insisting so much; then listen: all the jurists have erred and issued a verdict that is opposed to the Sunnah. The Islamic legal penalty for the thief is that his four fingers must be cut off from the root leaving his palm intact.” “What is your reasoning for that? Mutasim asked. “It is the statement of Messenger of Allah (s) that during prostration (Sajdah) comprises placing the following seven parts of the body on the floor: forehead, both hands, both knees and toes of both feet. If the hand is amputed from the wrist how that person would perform Sajdah? Whereas Almighty Allah has mentioned in Surah Jinn: “And the places of prostration are Allah’s…”Surah Jinn 72:18 It implies the parts placed in Sajdah. “…therefore call not upon any one with Allah.”Surah Jinn 72:18 That is along with those places of prostration do not include anyone else with Allah. Hence whatever comes into the ownership of Allah cannot be cut off.” Mutasim was highly impressed at this reasoning and he ruled that the fingers of that thief be cut off. I was shattered by this verdict and I wished that I had died before issuing such a judgment and facing such humiliation. Zarqan says: That same Qadi visited Mutasim after two days and said: I am here because of my concern for you and I also know that as a result of that my abode shall in Hell. “What do you mean?” asked Mutasim. Qadi said, “O chief of believers, when you gather the scholars and jurists in your court and inquire about their legal verdicts, at that time not only scholars are present, on the contrary, your family members, ministers and your scribes etc are also present and later on these reports are circulated all over the country. But last time you really did something extraordinary! Ignoring the views of all the scholars and jurists of the Ummah, you adopted the verdict of Abu Ja’far. Whereas you should have taken into consideration the fact that from before also a large number of people from the nation believe in his Imamate and they imagine that you have usurped power that was rightfully Abu Ja’far’s. In spite of that you overlooked the verdicts of all the jurists and applied his opinion. This would weaken the foundations of your rule.” Mutasim’s became terribly infuriated and he said, “You have rendered a good advice; may God give you a good reward.” After that the Caliph ordered his minister to invite Abu Ja’far for dinner and poison the food. So that minister invited the Imam for dinner, but the Imam excused himself. The minister said, “We have only invited you for dinner, so that your presence would bring auspiciousness from God and so and so ministers of the Caliph would also like to meet you.” Finally the Imam attended the dinner and then realized that the food was poisoned. He asked them for the mount in order to return, but the host said, “Why the haste? Please stay some more.” Imam said, “It is better that I leave your place and go home.” After that he was in severe pain for a day and then finally passed away Tafsir Ayyashi, Vol. 1, Pg. 319; Biharul Anwar, Vol. 50, Pg. 5.
: الشيخ محمد بن مسعود العيّاشي في تفسيره:
باسناده عن زرقان صاحب ابن أبي داود و صديقه بشدّة قال: رجع ابن أبي داود ذات يوم من عند المعتصم و هو مغتمّ، فقلت له في ذلك، فقال:
وددت اليوم أنّي قدمت منذ عشرين سنة! قال: قلت له: و لم ذاك؟ قال:
لما كان هذا من الأسود! أبي جعفر محمّد بن عليّ بن موسى- (عليهم السلام)- اليوم بين يدي أمير المؤمنين [المعتصم] .
قال: قلت له: و كيف كان ذلك؟
قال: إنّ سارقا أقرّ على نفسه بالسرقة، و سأل الخليفة تطهيره بإقامة الحدّ عليه، فجمع لذلك الفقهاء في مجلسه، و قد أحضر محمد بن عليّ- (عليهما السلام)-، فسألنا عن القطع في أيّ موضع يجب أن يقطع؟ قال:
فقلت: من الكرسوع، قال: و ما الحجّة في ذلك؟ قال: قلت: لأنّ اليد هي الأصابع و الكفّ إلى الكرسوع، لقول اللّه في التيمّم: فَامْسَحُوا بِوُجُوهِكُمْ وَ أَيْدِيكُمْ [ النساء: 43.]، و اتّفق معي على ذلك قوم.
و قال آخرون: بل يجب القطع من المرفق، قال: و ما الدليل على ذلك؟ قالوا: لأنّ اللّه لمّا قال: وَ أَيْدِيَكُمْ إِلَى الْمَرافِقِ [المائدة: 6] في الغسل دلّ ذلك أنّ حدّ اليد هو المرفق، قال: فالتفت الي محمد بن عليّ- (عليه السلام)- فقال: ما تقول في هذا يا أبا جعفر؟ فقال: قد تكلّم القوم فيه يا أمير المؤمنين [قال: دعني ممّا تكلّموا به، أيّ شيء عندك؟ قال: اعفني عن هذا يا أمير المؤمنين] قال: أقسمت عليك باللّه [لما أخبرت بما عندك فيه، فقال- (عليه السلام)-: أمّا إذا أقسمت عليّ باللّه] إنّي أقول: إنّهم أخطئوا فيه السنّة، فانّ القطع يجب أن يكون من مفصل اصول الأصابع، فيترك الكفّ، قال: و ما الحجّة في ذلك؟
قال: قول رسول اللّه- (صلّى اللّه عليه و آله)-: «السجود على سبعة أعضاء الوجه و اليدين و الركبتين و الرجلين»، فإذا قطعت يده من الكرسوع أو المرفق لم يبق له يد يسجد عليها، و قد قال اللّه تعالى: وَ أَنَّ الْمَساجِدَ لِلَّهِ- يعني به هذه الأعضاء السبعة التي يسجد عليها- فَلا تَدْعُوا مَعَ اللَّهِ أَحَداً الجنّ: 18. و ما كان للّه لم يقطع، قال: فأعجب المعتصم ذلك، و أمر بقطع يد السارق من مفصل الأصابع دون الكفّ.
قال ابن أبي داود: قامت قيامتي و تمنّيت أنّي لم أك [حيّا] قال زرقان: إنّ ابن أبي داود قال: صرت إلى المعتصم بعد ثالثة ، فقلت: إنّ نصيحة أمير المؤمنين عليّ واجبة، و أنا اكلّمه بما أعلم أنّي أدخل به النار، قال: و ما هو؟ قلت: إذا جمع أمير المؤمنين في مجلسه فقهاء رعيّته و علمائهم لأمر واقع من امور الدين، فسألهم عن الحكم فيه فأخبروه بما عندهم من الحكم في ذلك، و قد حضر مجلسه [أهل بيته] و قوّاده و وزرائه و كتّابه، و قد تسامع الناس بذلك من وراء بابه، ثمّ يترك أقاويلهم كلّهم لقول رجل يقول شطر هذه الامّة بإمامته، و يزعمون أنّه أولى منه بمقامه، ثمّ يحكم بحكمه دون حكم الفقهاء؟!
قال: فتغيّر لونه و انتبه لما نبّهته له و قال: جزاك اللّه عن نصيحتك خيرا، قال: فأمر اليوم الرابع الامراء من كتّابه و وزرائه [4] بأن يدعوه إلى منزله، فدعاه فأبى أن يجيبه و قال: قد علمت أنّي لا أحضر مجالسكم.
فقال: إنّي إنّما أدعوك إلى الطعام، و احبّ أن تطأ ببابي و تدخل منزلي فأتبرّك بذلك، و قد أحبّ فلان بن فلان من وزراء الخليفة [لقائك] ، فصار إليه.
فلمّا طعم منها أحسّ السمّ، فدعا بدابّته فسأله ربّ المنزل أن يقيم، قال: خروجي من دارك خير لك، فلم يزل يومه ذلك و ليله في حلقه [في المصدر: في خلفه، و قال محقّق البحار: إنّ الصحيح في خلفة و هو بالكسر: الهيضة، و هي انطلاق البطن و القيء.] حتّى قبض- (عليه السلام)- تفسير العيّاشي: 1: 319 ح 109 و عنه البحار: 50/ 5 ح 7 و ج 79/ 190 ح 33 و ج 85/ 128 و الوسائل: 18/ 490 ح 5 و حلية الأبرار: 4/ 580 ح 2.
ـ أَحْمَدُ بْنُ إِدْرِيسَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ حَسَّانَ عَنْ أَبِي هَاشِمٍ الْجَعْفَرِيِّ قَالَ صَلَّيْتُ مَعَ ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فِي مَسْجِدِ الْمُسَيَّبِ وَصَلَّى بِنَا فِي مَوْضِعِ الْقِبْلَةِ سَوَاءً وَذُكِرَ أَنَّ السِّدْرَةَ الَّتِي فِي الْمَسْجِدِ كَانَتْ يَابِسَةً لَيْسَ عَلَيْهَا وَرَقٌ فَدَعَا بِمَاءٍ وَتَهَيَّأَ تَحْتَ السِّدْرَةِ فَعَاشَتِ السِّدْرَةُ وَأَوْرَقَتْ وَحَمَلَتْ مِنْ عَامِهَا.

1. Ahmad ibn Idris has narrated from from Muhammad ibn Hassa’n from abu Hashim Ali-Ja‘fari who has said the following. “Once I prayed with abu Ja‘far (a.s.) in the Mosque of Ali-Musayyib. He lead the prayer with us and as to the direction of Makka he stood up facing straight. He also has said that a berry tree that was in the Mosque had dried up and had no leaves. The Imam (a.s.) asked for water and prepared himself under that tree for prayer. The berry tree came alive with leaves and fruits in that year.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 10
ـ الْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُعَلَّى بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الله عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ قَالَ دَخَلْتُ عَلَى أَبِي الْحَسَنِ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فَقَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ حَدَثَ بِآلِ فَرَجٍ حَدَثٌ فَقُلْتُ مَاتَ عُمَرُ فَقَالَ الْحَمْدُ لله حَتَّى أَحْصَيْتُ لَهُ أَرْبَعاً وَعِشْرِينَ مَرَّةً فَقُلْتُ يَا سَيِّدِي لَوْ عَلِمْتُ أَنَّ هَذَا يَسُرُّكَ لَجِئْتُ حَافِياً أَعْدُو إِلَيْكَ قَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ أَ وَلا تَدْرِي مَا قَالَ لَعَنَهُ الله لِمُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ أَبِي قَالَ قُلْتُ لا قَالَ خَاطَبَهُ فِي شَيْءٍ فَقَالَ أَظُنُّكَ سَكْرَانَ فَقَالَ أَبِي اللهمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنِّي أَمْسَيْتُ لَكَ صَائِماً فَأَذِقْهُ طَعْمَ الْحَرْبِ وَذُلَّ الاسْرِ فَوَ الله إِنْ ذَهَبَتِ الايَّامُ حَتَّى حُرِبَ مَالُهُ وَمَا كَانَ لَهُ ثُمَّ أُخِذَ أَسِيراً وَهُوَ ذَا قَدْ مَاتَ لا رَحِمَهُ الله وَقَدْ أَدَالَ الله عَزَّ وَجَلَّ مِنْهُ وَمَا زَالَ يُدِيلُ أَوْلِيَاءَهُ مِنْ أَعْدَائِهِ.
. Al-Husayn ibn Muhammad has narrated from Mu‘alla ibn Muhammad from Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn ‘Abdallah from Muhammad ibn Sinan who has said the following. “Once I went to see abu al-Hassan (a.s.). He said, “O Muhammad, has something happened to the family of al-Faraj (the governor of al-Madina )?” I said, “Yes, ‘Umar (a member of al-Faraj family) has died.” The Imam (a.s.) said, “All thanks and praise belongs to Allah.” He said it twenty four times. I then said, “My master, had known it would make you this happy I would have come to running and bare foot with the news (to congratulate you).” The Imam (a.s.) said, “Do you not know what he –may Allah condemn him- once had said to Muhammad ibn Ali, my father?” The narrator has said that I said, “No, I do not know it.” The Imam (a.s.) said, “He spoke to my father about an issue and then said to him, “I think you are drunk.” My father then had said, “O Lord, if you know that I have been fasting this day, then make him test the taste of al-A ‘war, and the humiliation of captivity.” By Allah, in just a few days his belongings were looted and he was captured and know he is dead-may Allah deprive him of His mercy. Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most gracious, has exacted revenge from him and He continues to exact revenge for His friends from His enemies.
Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 9
ـ عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ اسْتَأْذَنَ عَلَى ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) قَوْمٌ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّوَاحِي مِنَ الشِّيعَةِ فَأَذِنَ لَهُمْ فَدَخَلُوا فَسَأَلُوهُ فِي مَجْلِسٍ وَاحِدٍ عَنْ ثَلاثِينَ أَلْفَ مَسْأَلَةٍ فَأَجَابَ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) وَلَهُ عَشْرُ سِنِينَ.

1. Ali ibn Ibrahim has narrated from his father who has said the following. “Once a group of Shi‘a from the suburbs asked permission to meet abu Ja‘far (a.s.). He granted them permission and they came in his presence. In one meeting they asked him thirty thousand questions. He answered them all and at that time he was ten years old.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 7
ـ عَلِيُّ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ زِيَادٍ عَنْ دَاوُدَ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ الْجَعْفَرِيِّ قَالَ دَخَلْتُ عَلَى ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) وَمَعِي ثَلاثُ رِقَاعٍ غَيْرُ مُعَنْوَنَةٍ وَاشْتَبَهَتْ عَلَيَّ فَاغْتَمَمْتُ فَتَنَاوَلَ إِحْدَاهُمَا وَقَالَ هَذِهِ رُقْعَةُ زِيَادِ بْنِ شَبِيبٍ ثُمَّ تَنَاوَلَ الثَّانِيَةَ فَقَالَ هَذِهِ رُقْعَةُ فُلانٍ فَبُهِتُّ أَنَا فَنَظَرَ إِلَيَّ فَتَبَسَّمَ قَالَ وَأَعْطَانِي ثَلاثَمِائَةِ دِينَارٍ وَأَمَرَنِي أَنْ أَحْمِلَهَا إِلَى بَعْضِ بَنِي عَمِّهِ وَقَالَ أَمَا إِنَّهُ سَيَقُولُ لَكَ دُلَّنِي عَلَى حَرِيفٍ يَشْتَرِي لِي بِهَا مَتَاعاً فَدُلَّهُ عَلَيْهِ قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُهُ بِالدَّنَانِيرِ فَقَالَ لِي يَا أَبَا هَاشِمٍ دُلَّنِي عَلَى حَرِيفٍ يَشْتَرِي لِي بِهَا مَتَاعاً فَقُلْتُ نَعَمْ قَالَ وَكَلَّمَنِي جَمَّالٌ أَنْ أُكَلِّمَهُ لَهُ يُدْخِلُهُ فِي بَعْضِ أُمُورِهِ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَيْهِ لاكَلِّمَهُ لَهُ فَوَجَدْتُهُ يَأْكُلُ وَمَعَهُ جَمَاعَةٌ وَلَمْ يُمْكِنِّي كَلامَهُ فَقَالَ يَا أَبَا هَاشِمٍ كُلْ وَوَضَعَ بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ ثُمَّ قَالَ ابْتِدَاءً مِنْهُ مِنْ غَيْرِ مَسْأَلَةٍ يَا غُلامُ انْظُرْ إِلَى الْجَمَّالِ الَّذِي أَتَانَا بِهِ أَبُو هَاشِمٍ فَضُمَّهُ إِلَيْكَ قَالَ وَدَخَلْتُ مَعَهُ ذَاتَ يَوْمٍ بُسْتَاناً فَقُلْتُ لَهُ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ إِنِّي لَمُولَعٌ بِأَكْلِ الطِّينِ فَادْعُ الله لِي فَسَكَتَ ثُمَّ قَالَ لِي بَعْدَ ثَلاثَةِ أَيَّامٍ ابْتِدَاءً مِنْهُ يَا أَبَا هَاشِمٍ قَدْ أَذْهَبَ الله عَنْكَ أَكْلَ الطِّينِ قَالَ أَبُو هَاشِمٍ فَمَا شَيْءٌ أَبْغَضَ إِلَيَّ مِنْهُ الْيَوْمَ.

1. Ali ibn Muhammad has narrated from Sahl ibn zd from Dawud ibn al-Qasim al-Ja‘fari who has said the following “Once I went to see abu Ja‘far (a.s.) and I had a few questions on three pieces of materials with proper markings and they were mixed as such that I could not distinguish. I felt sad. He picked one and said, “This is the letter of Ziyad ibn Shabib.” Then he picked up the other one and said, “.This is the letter of so and so.” I became awe struck. He looked at me and smiled.” The narrator has said that the Imam (a.s.) then gave me three hundred Dinars and asked me to deliver them to the certain persons of the sons of his uncle and said, “He will ask you to show him a professional person who would help him to buy goods, help show him one.” The narrator has said that I then went to him and gave him the Dinars and asked me, “O abu Hashim, can you show me a professional person who would help me to buy goods.” I said, “Yes, I can do so.” The narrator has said that a camel man asked me to speak on his behalf to abu Ja‘far (a.s.) to take part in certain matters of his affairs. I went to see him (abu Ja‘far (a.s.) to speak to him but he was having meal with a group of people and I did not get a chance to speak to him. He (abu Ja‘far (a.s.) said, “O abu Hashim, eat. He placed food before me. Then he said, initiating and without any question from me, “O slave, take good care of the camel-man that abu Hashim has brought for us. Keep him with you.” The narrator has said that one day I entered a garden along with him and said, “May Allah take my soul in service for your cause, I am addicted to eating fig. Pray to Allah for me.” He was quite and then after three day on his own initiation he said, “O abu Hashim, “Allah has removed your addiction.” Ever since it is the thing that I hate most.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith : 4
ـ عَلِيُّ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ بَعْضِ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الرَّيَّانِ قَالَ احْتَالَ الْمَأْمُونُ عَلَى ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) بِكُلِّ حِيلَةٍ فَلَمْ يُمْكِنْهُ فِيهِ شَيْءٌ فَلَمَّا اعْتَلَّ وَأَرَادَ أَنْ يَبْنِيَ عَلَيْهِ ابْنَتَهُ دَفَعَ إِلَى مِائَتَيْ وَصِيفَةٍ مِنْ أَجْمَلِ مَا يَكُونُ إِلَى كُلِّ وَاحِدَةٍ مِنْهُنَّ جَاماً فِيهِ جَوْهَرٌ يَسْتَقْبِلْنَ أَبَا جَعْفَرٍ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) إِذَا قَعَدَ فِي مَوْضِعِ الاخْيَارِ فَلَمْ يَلْتَفِتْ إِلَيْهِنَّ وَكَانَ رَجُلٌ يُقَالُ لَهُ مُخَارِقٌ صَاحِبُ صَوْتٍ وَعُودٍ وَضَرْبٍ طَوِيلُ اللِّحْيَةِ فَدَعَاهُ الْمَأْمُونُ فَقَالَ يَا أَمِيرَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِنْ كَانَ فِي شَيْءٍ مِنْ أَمْرِ الدُّنْيَا فَأَنَا أَكْفِيكَ أَمْرَهُ فَقَعَدَ بَيْنَ يَدَيْ ابي جعفر (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فَشَهِقَ مُخَارِقٌ شَهْقَةً اجْتَمَعَ عَلَيْهِ أَهْلُ الدَّارِ وَجَعَلَ يَضْرِبُ بِعُودِهِ وَيُغَنِّي فَلَمَّا فَعَلَ سَاعَةً وَإِذَا أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ لا يَلْتَفِتُ إِلَيْهِ لا يَمِيناً وَلا شِمَالاً ثُمَّ رَفَعَ إِلَيْهِ رَأْسَهُ وَقَالَ اتَّقِ الله يَا ذَا الْعُثْنُونِ قَالَ فَسَقَطَ الْمِضْرَابُ مِنْ يَدِهِ وَالْعُودُ فَلَمْ يَنْتَفِعْ بِيَدَيْهِ إِلَى أَنْ مَاتَ قَالَ فَسَأَلَهُ الْمَأْمُونُ عَنْ حَالِهِ قَالَ لَمَّا صَاحَ بِي أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ فَزِعْتُ فَزْعَةً لا أُفِيقُ مِنْهَا أَبَداً.

1. Ali ibn Muhammad has narrated from certain persons of our people from Muhammad ibn al-Rayyan who has said the following “Al-Ma’mun did all he could to prove that abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.) was only a young man of worldly desires. However Al-Ma’mun could not succeed. When he became frustrated he gave his daughter in marriage to abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.). For the ceremony he sent two hundred most beautiful entertaining girls each with a bowl in her hand with a precious pearl in it to well come abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.) when he would sit on the special seat prepared for him. They, however, were not of any attraction to the Imam (a.s.) to disturb him. There was a man called Mukhariq who had a voice, musical skills, a guitar and a tall beard. Al-Ma’mun called him and he said, “O Amir al-Mu’minin, if he is a worldly man I will prove myself as dealing him deadly blows on your behalf.” He sat in front of abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali al-Rida (a.s.) and began to bray a hee-haw that made all the people of the house gather around him. He began to play his guitar and sing. He did it for an hour but abu Ja‘far (a.s.) did not pay any attention to the right or left. Then he (a.s.) raised his head and said, “O you, tall bearded one, be pious before Allah.” The narrator has said that the musical instrument and guitar fell off his hand and he could not use his hands thereafter until he died. When Al-Ma’mun asked him about his condition he said, “When abu Ja‘far (a.s.) expressed his disappointment at me it struck me with a huge degree of fear from which I have not been able to relieve myself ever since.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, The Birth of Abu Ja‘far, Muhammad ibn Ali, the Second (a.s.), Hadith 4
ـ الْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُعَلَّى بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ جُمْهُورٍ عَنْ مُعَمَّرِ بْنِ خَلادٍ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ يَقُولُ لِلرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) إِنَّ ابْنِي فِي لِسَانِهِ ثِقْلٌ فَأَنَا أَبْعَثُ بِهِ إِلَيْكَ غَداً تَمْسَحُ عَلَى رَأْسِهِ وَتَدْعُو لَهُ فَإِنَّهُ مَوْلاكَ فَقَالَ هُوَ مَوْلَى أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ فَابْعَثْ بِهِ غَداً إِلَيْهِ.

1. Al-Husayn ibn Muhammad has narrated from Mu‘alla ibn Muhammad from Muhammad ibn Jumhur from Mu‘mmar ibn Khallad who has said the following. “I heard ’Isma‘il ibn Ibrahim say to al-rida (a.s.), ‘My son feels heaviness in his tongue. I intend to sent him tomorrow to you. Pass you your hand over his head and pray for him. He is your Mawla (slave).’” The Imam (a.s.) said, “He is a Mawla (slave) of abu Ja’far (a.s.). send him tomorrow to him (abu Ja‘far (a.s.).”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, Tacit and Explicit Testimony as proof of abu Ja‘far al-Thani’s (the second) (a.s.) Divine Authority over the people after abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.), Hadith 11
ـ بَعْضُ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ حُكَيْمٍ عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي نَصْرٍ قَالَ قَالَ لِيَ ابْنُ النَّجَاشِيِّ مَنِ الامَامُ بَعْدَ صَاحِبِكَ فَأَشْتَهِي أَنْ تَسْأَلَهُ حَتَّى أَعْلَمَ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى الرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) فَأَخْبَرْتُهُ قَالَ فَقَالَ لِي الامَامُ ابْنِي ثُمَّ قَالَ هَلْ يَتَجَرَّأُ أَحَدٌ أَنْ يَقُولَ ابْنِي وَلَيْسَ لَهُ وَلَدٌ.

One of our people has narrated from Muhammad ibn Ali from Mu‘awiya ibn Hakim from ibn abu Basir who has said the following. “Al-Najashi once asked me, “Who will be the Imam after your master? I wish you ask him so I will know.” I then went to see Ali al-Rida (a.s.) and informed him (of al-Najashi’s wish).” The narrator has said that the Imam said, “The Imam will be my son.” Then he said, “Can any one say that my son will be the Imam when he has no son?”
Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, Tacit and Explicit Testimony as proof of abu Ja‘far al-Thani’s (the second) (a.s.) Divine Authority over the people after abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.), Hadith 5
ـ عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ مَالِكِ بْنِ أَشْيَمَ عَنِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ بَشَّارٍ قَالَ كَتَبَ ابْنُ قِيَامَا إِلَى أَبِي الْحَسَنِ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) كِتَاباً يَقُولُ فِيهِ كَيْفَ تَكُونُ إِمَاماً وَلَيْسَ لَكَ وَلَدٌ فَأَجَابَهُ أَبُو الْحَسَنِ الرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) شِبْهَ الْمُغْضَبِ وَمَا عَلَّمَكَ أَنَّهُ لا يَكُونُ لِي وَلَدٌ وَالله لا تَمْضِي الايَّامُ وَاللَّيَالِي حَتَّى يَرْزُقَنِيَ الله وَلَداً ذَكَراً يَفْرُقُ بِهِ بَيْنَ الْحَقِّ وَالْبَاطِلِ.

1. A number of our people has narrated from Ahmad ibn Muhammad from Ja’far ibn Yahya from Malik ibn Ashyam from al-Husayn ibn Bashshar who has said the following. “Ibn Qiyaman wrote a letter to abu al-Hassan (a.s.) in which he had said the following. ‘How can you be an Imam when you do not have a son?” Abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.) replied him with signs of anger, “How do you know that I will not have a son? By Allah, not many days and nights will pass before Allah will grant me a male child through who He will make the truth distinct from falsehood.”

Al-Kāfi - Volume 1, Tacit and Explicit Testimony as proof of abu Ja‘far al-Thani’s (the second) (a.s.) Divine Authority over the people after abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.), Hadith 4
Ali ibn Ibrahim has narrated from his father that ’Isma‘il ibn Mihran who has said the following. “When abu Ja‘far left Madina for Baghdad the first time of his two journeys on his leaving I said to him, “May Allah take my souls in service for your cause, I am afraid about you in this condition. To who, after you, will belong the task (Leadership with Divine Authority)?” He turned to me laughing and said, “The disappearance, as have thought, will not take place this year. When he was about to be taken to al-Mu‘tasam (179/795 —became caliph 218/833 — 227/841), for the second time I went to him and said, “May Allah take my souls in service for your cause. You are leaving. To who, after you, will go this task Leadership with Divine Authority)?” He wept until his beard become soaked. He then turned to me and said, “This time you should be afraid about my life. The task (Leadership with Divine Authority) after me will go to my son Ali Al-Kāfi - Volume 1 p323
عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ مِهْرَانَ قَالَ: لَمَّا خَرَجَ أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ ع مِنَ الْمَدِينَةِ إِلَى بَغْدَادَ فِي الدَّفْعَةِ الْأُولَى مِنْ خَرْجَتَيْهِ قُلْتُ لَهُ عِنْدَ خُرُوجِهِ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ إِنِّي أَخَافُ عَلَيْكَ فِي هَذَا الْوَجْهِ فَإِلَى مَنِ الْأَمْرُ بَعْدَكَ فَكَرَّ بِوَجْهِهِ إِلَيَّ ضَاحِكاً وَ قَالَ لَيْسَ الْغَيْبَةُ حَيْثُ ظَنَنْتَ فِي هَذِهِ السَّنَةِ فَلَمَّا أُخْرِجَ بِهِ الثَّانِيَةَ إِلَى الْمُعْتَصِمِ صِرْتُ إِلَيْهِ فَقُلْتُ لَهُ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ أَنْتَ خَارِجٌ فَإِلَى مَنْ هَذَا الْأَمْرُ مِنْ بَعْدِكَ فَبَكَى حَتَّى اخْضَلَّتْ لِحْيَتُهُ ثُمَّ الْتَفَتَ إِلَيَّ فَقَالَ عِنْدَ هَذِهِ يُخَافُ عَلَيَّ الْأَمْرُ مِنْ بَعْدِي إِلَى ابْنِي عَلِيٍّ. کافی ج۱ ص ۳۲۳

I matched with a someone on an app and based on previous experiences, was not expecting much. I never have fun using dating apps. They stress me out and are horrible for self esteem, but at the same time, I like the convenience of them and theres a comfort to feeling like you have more control and having rejection be silent. Also at my age (24 m), dating apps are the standard and my dating history is very limited so it's kinda all I know.
The small talk started and I took it easy. It continued on smoothly and the vibe was there. Didn't dry up at all. As the days went on the conversation became very candid. She was an open book, which made me feel comfortable opening up more. It was the most fulfilling "talking stage" I had had. Growing connection and fondness can be hard to detect through text on a screen but this was an instance where even my dumb ass could tell it was there and reciprocal. I was really starting to enjoy this new person in a genuine way, she felt the same, and we expressed that to each other. And this was new for me
The date we had planned came up and it went as expected. We talked late into the night about the same topics as before, mundane to jokes to deep. The spark I thought might have been there was a little more confirmed. It was also even more open now that we were in person. We reflected the next day and both seemed to be looking forward to doing it again. A couple of days later though, she was under the weather and suddenly became hard to reach. I gave some space for a few days, but the space turned into an insecure mix of fear of ghosts and actual worry for her, so I took a deep breath and checked on her. (This was the first reaction of mine that in retrospect indicated the potentially unhealthy nature of all of this)
I got back a long message where there were a few things expressed:

1. She realized she needs space to work thru her past trauma more
2. She thanked me for connecting with her and making her feel good
3. Shes unsure if we'll ever connect again

For some background, she had told me a lot about a pretty turbulent life, was very personal-development minded, and always said she was grateful that I listened. She described coming a long way
It was probably as mature and pleasant as she could have made it and was full of kind words. I respected that she was so upfront about this. It hurt a lot to read but only thing I could really do in response was let her know I respected it, thank her back, and wish her the best with hopes that we meet again one day. No contact since.
I guess if this made sense, that would be the end of it and I would just be onto the next but it has not at all been that way, at least on my end. She was on my mind a lot in the short ~month long interaction (which flattered her at the time), but that kept momentum after cutting contact, only growing with intensity. I tried to be generous to myself and acknowledge that I was feeling new feelings and that those feelings can't just be shut off all at once. Time rolled on though and it got harder to keep that going as it became clear I was just trying, rather unstably, to balance the need to accept that this is most likely over and the desire to hold onto hope that it's just on pause. I read that last message multiple times and as much as I appreciated everything else, I wasn't able to eke any closure out of it. Whether it was genuinely hard to interpret or I was just convincing myself that it was open ended, I was driving myself crazy whenever I thought about how to move forward from this.
It's been like 6+ months and I'm kind of at the same point. I wouldn't say my life outside of this aspect has been too affected motion wise. If anything the everything else has been pretty satisfactory, but the stuck/uncertain/empty feeling seeps out sometimes. At times I feel embarrassed or immature for still feeling this way about such a small thing, and that's the reason I haven't really talked about it to anyone in my life. I did research and learned that I'm "limerent" for her. That term has really put into perspective how I've responded to this.
It's obviously an harmful state to stay in. I also really hate that this whole positive and negative "balance" I've been doing turns someone's self improvement into some kind of key to thing I want, when the first thing (whatever the outcome of the second) should be the focus. As I reflect a bit it makes me realize that I have stuff I need to deal with myself, beyond this.
Eventually I want to be done with this, get closure if it falls in my lap and/or move on. I can't move on right now because I have the fear of my hopes somehow becoming true and making me regret doing so. Even if that's delusional, the very fact that it actually stops me itself is enough indication I'm not ready. I want to shut off the daydreaming and move towards getting what I daydream about even if its not exactly the same.
This was a very long drawn out catharsis and sorry about that, but if any one has advice, I would appreciate. What are some general methods for moving on? I am definitely considering therapy, because I think this is all just an iceberg tip of other things deep down that I have also thought about lately. Also been making an effort to keep up with my hobbies, especially music which helps a lot with letting things out. Anyone ever been in a similar situation, and how did it go for you? Am I being too hard on my self or too gentle?
Thanks for reading
Tl;dr I matched with someone on an dating app, we had a great connection, had one date, and later she told me she isn't ready yet to date due to trauma she's still working on. We cut contact but I haven't been able to move on for months and it's made me realize I also need time to work on stuff

My EmilEmilyTbeBeastJack journey:
These were my thoughts along the way:
1st time seeing him-
wtf!?! Is this for real? This has to be a skit.
After watching for a week or so-
ok so this dude is definitely out there but i cant help but be entertained and he’s not hurting anyone.
Deeper dive into his backstory-
ok he was definitely a piece of shit, but he was on drugs and everyone deserves a chance to turn things around.
After getting the full picture-
so, this dude is definitely delusional, thinks its funny to shit on his kids, wife, exes, ect. Not to mention totally delusional about his singing and dancing abilities and his perceived fame.
After taking everything in and weighing all sides of his story and current affairs-
This fucking dude is Buffalo Bill 100%

Four years ago, at 52 years old, I fell into a big depression. And I mean a BIG one. I had a long history of depressions but this was the mother of all. It was clear there was something very very wrong, so I started therapy. It became clear very soon that my whole life was a "lie" until then.
Because of massive youth traumas, I taught myself to behave in such a way that people always had a very good impression of me, always though very good of me, always though I was full of confidence. I never ever had any arguments, no fights (being an athletic 2 meter / 6ft7 guy helps too), everything was pointed towards making everything "safe" for myself. So that ment also to do absolutely nothing that could attract attention to myself. Be as mediocre as could be. Never by angry, irritated, happy, enthusiastic, and so on. Just flat. In other words: I never was the real me, I was a projection that was aimed to be "safe". You can call it a kind of lifelong 100% masking. And I never was aware of this.
When I was 16 years old, it was the era of New Wave, Punk, Ska music. And I was fascinated by it: I too wanted those heavy boots, that hair sticking up, paint my nails, dance like there was no tomorrow!! But that was somewhere hidden in my mind: I just did not do those things. "Do not stand out!!" is what my brain had learned. And I never did.
Until now :) I discovered Sleep Token in the mids of my therapy and they helped SO much in me discovering who I am and what I want. I'm now 57 years and still almost each day I discover things that are normal human behavior but I never learned. And a big part of that is letting myself go. And Sleep Token had a HUGE part in that: being able to scream with them, feel SO much emotion with Ascensionism, feelings, emotion. And acting them out :)
And now on 18 November this year, I'll be in Amsterdam with my own designed T-shirt and will I paint my nails. Nothing with hair cause there is none :p But finally, at 58 years then, I will do something that I WANT with full conviction!! And I don't care if everybody around me is maybe 30 years younger ;)
Finally I am feeling how it is to be me. Sleep Token: thank you from the bottom of my heart ...

load order (do tell if anything is "unusual" in this load order)
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
Skyrim Project Optimization - Full ESL Version.esm
Vanilla Script MicroOptimizations.esl
LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
Occ_Skyrim_Tamriel.esp
Skyrim Extended Cut - Saints and Seducers.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Resources.esm
BSAssets.esm
AnimatedShips.esl
Lux Orbis - Master plugin.esm
FlyingCrowsSSE.esp
BSHeartland.esm
BS_DLC_patch.esp
Campfire.esm
Animated Ice Floes.esp
evgSIRENROOT.esm
Occ_Skyrim_AnniversaryFreeCC.esp
Lux - Resources.esp
Lux Via.esp
Wyrmstooth.esp
Heels Sound.esm
Schlongs of Skyrim - Core.esm
RASS - Visual Effects.esl
Vanilla Scripts Enhanced.esl
SimplyOptimizedScripts.esl
Fertility Mode.esm
iWant Widgets.esl
AnimatedCarriage.esm
EVGAnimatedTraversal.esl
TrueHUD.esl
NoRecoil.esm
Environs Master Plugin.esp
Lux - Master plugin.esm
TES4WaitMenu.esl
EnchantmentArtExtender.esl
Dodge_MCO-DXP.esl
DodgeFramework.esl
ZaZAnimationPack.esm
Acheron.esm
PamaFurnitureScr.esp
PamaPrisonAlternative.esm
SkyUI_SE.esp
PrisonAlternative_Executions_Riften.esp
DBM_CoSRetexture_Patch.esp
Cloaks_SMP_Patch.esp
Immersive Sounds - Compendium.esp
Obsidian Weathers.esp
SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
Vibrant weapons EAE.esp
UIExtensions.esp
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
RDO Updated.esp
LessMergedTree33.esp
Northern Roads.esp
ESOimports.esp
Lux Orbis.esp
JKs Skyrim.esp
Northern Roads - Lux Via patch.esp
Cutting Room Floor.esp
AI Overhaul.esp
SoundsofSkyrimComplete.esp
MysticismMagic.esp
Dawn of Skyrim.esp
Lux Via - plugin.esp
Bandit War.esp
Jampion NPCs.esp
NW_Sons_of_Skyrim.esp
NW_Sons_of_Skyrim - My fixes by Xtudo.esp
Northern Roads - Additional Roads.esp
Neugrad.esp
Undeath.esp
Northern Roads - Rocks Patch.esp
SeranaDialogAddon.esp
Odin - Skyrim Magic Overhaul.esp
Northern Roads - JKs Skyrim patch.esp
Settlements Expanded SE.esp
SkyTEST-RealisticAnimals&Predators.esp
Stormcrown.esp
Embers XD.esp
NewArmoury.esp
Whiterun Has Walls.esp
Whiterun Has Walls - Higher Walls.esp
UndeathFixes.esp
Betterfoodeffects.esp
SeagullsofSkyrim.esp
Northern Roads - ESO Imports patch.esp
SnowhawkRuins.esp
Mists of Tamriel.esp
Lit Road Signs.esp
Vampires Masquerade.esp
Northern Roads - Lux Orbis Patch.esp
Northern Bathhouses.esp
JKs Skyrim - AI Overhaul Patch.esp
Northern Roads - Lux Via - Lux Orbis consistency patch.esp
wavetest.esp
Northern Roads - CRF patch.esp
Less Trees - Cell data patch.esp
WiZkiD Hunter's Camp Overhaul.esp
Immersive Horses.esp
TKAA.esp
RaceMenu.esp
RaceMenuPlugin.esp
CBBE.esp
RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
BlendedRoads.esp
Bijin Wives.esp
Vampire Clans and Bloodlines.esp
Innocence Lost - Quest Expansion.esp
waterplants_lily.esp
Northern Roads - Snowhawk Expanded patch.esp
ADogsLife.esp
moretodo.esp
Northern Roads - Skyland HD Roadsigns Patch.esp
DealingwithBackstories.esp
Whiterun Has Walls - City Exterior.esp
DiverseWerewolvesCollection.esp
Bijin Warmaidens.esp
Bijin NPCs.esp
Brows.esp
CommunityOverlays1_0T30.esp
CommunityOverlays2_31T50.esp
SFO_SkinFeatureOverlays.esp
CommunityOverlays3.esp
TheEyesOfBeauty.esp
TW3Eyes.esp
BarbarianPaints.esp
KSHairdosSMP.esp
DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
MoreWerewolves.esp
Northern Roads - BS Bruma Patch.esp
ESOImports - JKs Skyrim Patch.esp
PaPunishmentPack1.esp
ADarkDestiny000.esp
khajitdave-necromanticsummons-v02.esp
Northern Roads - Settlements Expanded patch.esp
RavenCastle.esp
CWRepairs.esp
moretosayfalkreath.esp
Northern Roads - Lux Via - ESO Imports patch.esp
Environs - Whiterun Watchtower.esp
Northern Roads - Undeath patch.esp
PrisonAlternative_Executions_WindHelm.esp
Northern Roads - Legacy of the Dragonborn patch.esp
SunHelmSurvival.esp
LeapsOfFaith.esp
Northern Roads - CC Fishing patch.esp
[SunJeong] Ninirim Collection.esp
Environs - Tundra Farmhouse.esp
Northern Roads - CC Farming patch.esp
alcoholiceffect.esp
NotSoFast-MainQuest.esp
LostLand.esp
Northern Roads - Neugrad Patch.esp
The Amazing World of Bikini Armors REMASTERED.esp
(Pumpkin)-TEWOBA-TheExpandedWorldofBikiniArmor.esp
moretosayriften.esp
Lux Orbis - USSEP patch.esp
moretosayrorikstead.esp
mtsfollowerbanter.esp
IntuitiveDragonRideControl.esp
Northern Roads - USSEP Additions.esp
ACLine_Whiterun.esp
Northern Roads - CC Tundra Homestead patch.esp
BeyondSkyrimMerchant.esp
CBBE 3BA Vanilla Outfits.esp
TAWOBA Remastered Leveled List.esp
[COCO] Shadow Assassin.esp
[COCO] Lolita.esp
[COCO] Demon Shade.esp
SimpleItemSpawner.esp
XPMSE.esp
3BBB.esp
SOSPhysicsManager.esp
Unmasking Sybille.esp
Shadow of Skyrim.esp
PrisonAlternative_Executions_Solitude.esp
moretosaywhiterun.esp
Northern Roads - Environs - The Ruined Tundra Farmhouse Patch.esp
moretosayriverwood.esp
Northern Roads - CC The Cause patch.esp
moretosayshorsstone.esp
AstridReborn.esp
Northern Roads - Floating Plants Fix.esp
Northern Roads - CC Myrwatch patch.esp
Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim.esp
Dynamic Activation Key.esp
Simple Hunting Overhaul.esp
Schlongs of Skyrim.esp
SOS - Smurf Average Addon.esp
SOS - VectorPlexus Muscular Addon.esp
SOS - VectorPlexus Regular Addon.esp
[COCO] Scarlet Rose.esp
[COCO] CaressofVenus.esp
[COCO] Mysterious Mage.esp
[COCO] Pinpup Cheongsam.esp
[COCO] Fairy Queen.esp
[COCO]SinoAlice Snow.esp
[COCO] 2B Wedding Outfit.esp
[COCO] Mulan.esp
[COCO] Gothic Babe.esp
Insignificant Object Remover.esp
SonS_HDT_patch.esp
MCMHelper.esp
Footprints.esp
Footprints - ENB.esp
SimplerKnock.esp
ChildrenOfLilith.esp
Moonlight Tales Special Edition.esp
Real Feeding V3.esp
Werewolf Hunger.esp
Werewolf Footstep FX.esp
Additional Dremora Faces.esp
BnP -Eyepack.esp
Kynreeve Armor.esp
KozakowyVampireArmor.esp
KozakowyVampireArmorReplacer.esp
RandomVampireAttacksDisabledSE.esp
Vampire Lines Expansion.esp
VampiresHaveClaws.esp
mihailtalkativefalmers.esp
ClimbableDoorLadder.esp
Dirt and Blood - Dynamic Visuals.esp
Dirt and Blood Expanded.esp
Dynamic Sprint.esp
EVGConditionalIdles.esp
moretosaycityguards.esp
guardencounters.esp
ImmersiveInteractions.esp
moretosaygeneric.esp
moretosaykarthwasten.esp
moretosaywinterhold.esp
NPCs React To Invisibility - Bow of Shadows Patch.esp
NPCs React To Invisibility.esp
Precision.esp
priestsgrantblessings.esp
secretofrorikstead.esp
SmoothCam.esp
SprintSlide.esp
TrueDirectionalMovement.esp
AHZmoreHUD.esp
ArcheryLocationalDamage.esp
ASS_IconsAddon.esp
BetterThirdPersonSelection.esp
BOOBIES_ImmersiveIcons.esp
dD - Enhanced Blood Main.esp
Dynamic Impact - Slash Effects X.esp
FiresHurtRE.esp
Immersive Death Cycle.esp
LootingAnimations.esp
MaximumCarnage.esp
MEMOSPORE - UI Sound Effects.esp
NPCs Take Cover.esp
NPCsUsePotions.esp
PrayerAnimations.esp
ReadTheRoom.esp
scar-adxp-patch.esp
Northern Roads - More to Say Shor's Stone patch.esp
Northern Roads - CC Saints and Seducers patch.esp
Skyshards.esp
Stress and Fear.esp
ValhallaCombat.esp
ValhallaBackStabFix.esp
WICourierNPC.esp
DX Necromancer Robes.esp
DistantDragonRoars.esp
evgSIRENROOTtraversalpatch.esp
Murmurs and Mead.esp
TheCleverPrisoner.esp
Radiance.esp
ECSS - Beyond Skyrim Music Patch.esp
ProjectilesMCO.esp
Action Based Projectiles.esp
ExpertPierce.esp
Innocence Lost QE - USSEP Patch.esp
Belethor's Sister.esp
Your mom.esp
Lords of Coldharbour.esp
SpelltomeStudies.esp
VisualAnimatedEnchants.esp
mihailtalkativespriggan.esp
JS Rumpled Rugs Redux SE.esp
InnBath.esp
FEC.esp
C.O.I.N.esp
C.O.I.N. - The Cause Patch.esp
C.O.I.N. - Beyond Skyrim Patch.esp
Immersive Equipping Animations.esp
DBVO.esp
KWTelescope.esp
Smoking Torches And Candles.esp
ImprovedAlternateConversationCamera.esp
ShadowSpellPackage.esp
StrangeRunes.esp
LightsOn.esp
Phenderix Elements.esp
Skidles.esp
zxlice's ultimate potion animation.esp
Book Of Shadows.esp
Realistic AI Detection 3 - Medium Interior, Medium Exterior.esp
Bloodmoon.esp
Desecration.esp
Stellaris.esp
Vulcano.esp
Necrom.esp
Flames of Coldharbour.esp
[COCO] Lace Lingerie Pack.esp
[COCO] FlyinDance.esp
[COCO] Twilight Sorceress.esp
R959Classes.esp
R959ClassesCommunityPack02.esp
R959ClassesPriestTree.esp
Cinematic Dragon Soul Absorbtion.esp
Shout.esp
AnimatedEatingRedux.esp
AnimatedEating_Coffee Patch.esp
Attack_MCO.esp
exhaustion_incremental_fatigue.esp
exercise_incremental_growth.esp
LootandDegradation.esp
SekiroCombat_II.esp
CarryYourCarcasses - SHO.esp
SimpleCampfireAdditions.esp
Simplicity of Snow - BSBruma Patch.esp
Simplicity of Snow - Dwemer Sanctuary Patch.esp
Simplicity of Snow.esp
SkillsOfTheWild.esp
SoS_Obsidian_Patch.esp
SunHelmDiseases.esp
SunHelmWyrmstoothPatch.esp
FNIS.esp
toggle compass hotkey.esp
Animated Ice Floes - LotD Patch.esp
Embers XD - Patch - Beyond Skyrim - Bruma.esp
Embers XD - Patch - Goldenhills Plantation.esp
Embers XD - Fire Magick Add-On.esp
Even Bigger Moons.esp
Mists of Tamriel for Obsidian Weathers.esp
MoonGlow.esp
Simple Snow Improvements - Skyrim.esp
The Dark Arts.esp
UndeadFX.esp
NPCs React To Necromancy.esp
MovementMCO.esp
Imperious - Races of Skyrim.esp
Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
Apocalypse - Ordinator Compatibility Patch.esp
Odin - Ordinator Compatibility Patch.esp
Sacrosanct - Vampires of Skyrim.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
Northern Roads - Alternate Start patch - Lux Via version.esp
Bijin AIO.esp
nwsFollowerFramework.esp
RealisticWaterTwo.esp
Skyland Watercolor - Slow Green-RW2-iNeed.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Waves - Wyrmstooth.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Myrwatch Patch.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Beyond Skyrim Bruma.esp
Lux.esp
Lux - Legacy of the Dragonborn patch.esp
Lux - RWT Patch.esp
Lux - USSEP patch.esp
Lux - Brighter interior nights.esp
Lux - Lux Orbis - Lux Via - Brighter Torch.esp
Lux - Beyond Skyrim - Wares of Tamriel.esp
Lux - Bittercup Patch.esp
Lux - Bloodchill Manor patch.esp
Lux - CC Fish patch.esp
Lux - Dawnfang CC.esp
Lux - Dead Mans Dread Patch.esp
Lux - Elite Crossbows.esp
Lux - Farmer patch.esp
Lux - Forgotten Seasons.esp
Lux - Ghosts of the Tribunal CC.esp
Lux - Goblins CC.esp
Lux - Goldbrand CC.esp
Lux - Hendraheim patch.esp
Lux - Nchuanthumz Dwarven Home patch.esp
Lux - Necrohouse patch.esp
Lux - Neugrad patch.esp
Lux - Pets of Skyrim CC.esp
Lux - Saints and Seducers Extended Cut patch.esp
Lux - Shadowfoot Sanctum patch.esp
Lux - Sirenroot patch.esp
Lux - Undeath patch.esp
Lux - Staff of Hasedoki CC.esp
Lux - The Cause patch.esp
Lux - Tundra Homestead patch.esp
Lux - Umbra CC.esp
Lux - Vigil Enforcer CC.esp
Lux - Wyrmstooth.esp
Lux - Live Another Life patch.esp
Northern Roads - Lux patch.esp
PowerAttacks.esp
JaxonzMCMKicker.esp
icepenguinworldmapclassic.esp
Immersive Patrols II.esp
[Caenarvon] Magecore.esp
Miriel.esp
[Imp] Modular Mage.esp
evgCLAMBER.esp
Hwybee Silver Desire.esp
RoyalVanguardArmor.esp
shadowman_lovingfamily.esp
OStim.esp
SexLab_Solutions.esp
AK_RM_PubicStyles_All_In_One.esp
AK_RM_PubicStyles_All_In_One_M.esp
Devour.esp
OBody.esp
OPubes.esp
RaceMenu Overlays Hieroglyphics.esp
AnubAnimObj.esp
AnubAnimObjAdaptedFurniture.esp
Immersive Wenches.esp
NibblesAnimObjects.esp
OCum.esp
OInflation.esp
ORomance.esp
ORomancePlus.esp
OSmp.esp
OSSA.esp
OStimNPCs.esp
OVirginity.esp
SexLab-AmorousAdventures.esp
AA_OStim_Sequences.esp
SLALAnimObjBillyy.esp
OStimCommunityResource.esp
OProstitution.esp
BakaFactory OStim Port.esp
OSimpleDefeat.esp
SimpleSlavery.esp

I want to know what other families' normal weekends look like. My husband and I have two young kids (2 and 5). We work full-time and kids go to daycare/preschool full-time.
On Saturdays my eldest has dancing then swimming and we are mostly home from 2 pm onwards. They both go to sleep at 7pm. My 2yo does swimming too.
We do not always go out on Sundays and I don't know if this is ok? Neither of us is very outdoorsy to begin with but also since we are all pretty much outside all week, if it's a bit chilly, or windy we usually stay inside. When it's sunny we always take kids to the beach (in the summer) and to playgrounds during cooler seasons but we do not do this every Sunday.
I notice other mum's story updates on social media posting about so many stuff and activities, and I wonder if what we are doing is not enough?

Twitter post by Caitlin Johnstone
https://x.com/caitoz/status/1799411441193435525
"Everything about Israel is fake. It’s a completely synthetic nation created without any regard for the organic sociopolitical movements of the land and its people, slapped rootless atop an ancient pre-existing civilization with deep roots. That’s why it cannot exist without being artificially propped up by nonstop propaganda, lobbying, online influence operations, and mass military violence.
Israel is so fake that its far right minister of national security Itamar Ben-Gvir has been stoking religious tensions by encouraging militant Zionists to pray on the Temple Mount — known to Muslims as Al-Aqsa. This is an illustration of how phony Israel and its political ideology are because Jews were historically prohibited from praying at the Temple Mount under Jewish law; a sign placed there in 1967 and still upheld by Israel’s Chief Rabbinate reads, “According to Torah Law, entering the Temple Mount area is strictly forbidden due to the holiness of the site.” It’s just this weird, evangelical Christian-like thing that Zionists have started doing in contravention of their own traditions and religious texts to advance their nationalist agendas.
Journalist Dan Cohen explains on Twitter:
“ ‘Prayer’ on the Temple Mount is 100% a Zionist invention in total contravention of Jewish law. Jews don’t step foot onto the Temple Mount, let alone 'pray' there. That’s why the sign below is posted at the entrance non-Muslims use.
“Ben Gvir publicly announced this in order to provoke a reaction to use as a pretext to restrict and expel Muslims from the site, explode Jerusalem and the West Bank, and expand the regional war.
“Ben Gvir holds Netanyahu hostage. Together, they’re leading Israel to self-destruction.”
There’s no authentic spirituality in such behavior. It has no roots. No depth. No connection. It’s the product of busy minds with modern agendas, with nothing more to it than that.
Israel is so fake that Zionists artificially resurrected a dead language in order for its people to have a common “native” tongue for them to speak, so that they could all LARP as indigenous middle easterners together in their phony, synthetic country.
Israel has no real culture of its own; it’s all a mixture of organic Jewish culture brought in from other parts of the world by the Jewish diaspora, culture that was stolen from Palestinians (see “Israeli food”), and the culture of indoctrinated genocidal hatred that is interwoven with the fabric of modern Zionism. The way Israel has become a Mecca of electronic dance music points clearly to an aching cultural void that its people are trying desperately to fill with empty synthetic pop fluff.
Even international support for Israel is fake, manufactured astroturf that has to be enforced from the top down, because it would never organically occur to anyone that Israel is something that should be supported.
The phenomenally influential Israel lobby is used to push pro-Israel foreign policy in powerful western governments like Washington and London. Just yesterday US Representative Thomas Massie told Tucker Carlson that every Republican in Congress besides himself “has an AIPAC person” assigned to them with whom they are in constant communication, who he describes as functioning “like your babysitter” with regard to lawmaking on the subject of Israel.
The Israel lobby exists with the full consent of the western imperial war machine and its secretive intelligence cartel, because western military support for Israel is also phony and fraudulent. The western empire whose strategic interests directly benefit from violence and radicalism in the middle east pretends it’s constantly expanding its military presence in the region in order to promote stability and protect an important ally, but in reality this military presence simply allows for greater control over crucial resource-rich territories whose populations would otherwise unite to form a powerful bloc acting in their own interests. The Israel lobby is a self-funding consent manufacturer which helps the empire do what it already wants to do.
Support for Israel in the media is also phony and imposed from the top down. Since October outlets like The New York Times, CNN and CBC have been finding themselves fighting off scandals due to staff leaks about demands from their executives that they slant their Gaza coverage to benefit the information interests of Israel. Briahna Joy Gray was just fired by The Hill for being critical of Israel as co-host of the show “Rising”, a fate that all mass media employees understand they will share if they are insufficiently supportive of the empire’s favorite ethnostate.
Israel’s support from celebrities is similarly forced. A newly leaked email from influential Hollywood marketing and branding guru Ashlee Margolis instructs her firm’s employees to “pause on working with any celebrity or influencer or tastemaker posting against Israel.” As we discussed recently, celebrities are also naturally disincentivized from criticizing any aspect of the western empire by the fact that their status is dependent on wealthy people whose wealth is premised upon the imperial status quo.
Support for Israel on social media is likewise notoriously phony. For years Israel has been pioneering the use of social media trolls to swarm Israel’s critics and promote agendas like undermining the BDS movement. After the beginning of the Gaza onslaught Israel spent millions on PR spin via advertising on YouTube, Instagram and Facebook, and The New York Times has just confirmed earlier reports that Israel has been targeting US lawmakers with fake social media accounts to influence their policymaking on Israel.
In truth, nobody really organically supports Israel. If they’re not supporting it because their lobbyists and employers told them to, they’re supporting it because that’s what they were told to support by the leaders of their dopey political ideologies like Zionism, liberalism and conservatism, or by the leaders of their dopey religions like Christian fundamentalism. It’s always something that’s pushed on people from the top down, rather than arising from within themselves due to their own natural interests and ideals.
Israel is not a country, it’s like a fake movie set version of a country. A movie set where the set pieces won’t even stand up on their own, so people are always running around in a constant state of construction trying to prop things up and nail things down, and scrambling to pick up things that are falling over, and rotating the set pieces so that they look like real buildings in front of the camera. Without this constant hustle and bustle of propagandizing, lobbying, online influence ops, and nonstop mass military violence, the whole movie set would fall over, and people would see all the film crew members and actors and cameras for what they are.
Clearly, no part of this is sustainable. Clearly, something’s going to have to give. Those set pieces are going to come toppling down sooner or later; it’s just a question of when, and of how high the pile of human corpses needs to be before it happens."

I made one just like this two months ago in this post- "About Season 3's Episode Distribution" Where I tried to see whether or not Arcs 5 and 6 could fit in a roughly 40 episode timeframe and it I saw that it was totally possible. There I guessed both Arcs 5 and 6, but here I'll only be doing Arc 5. I have my thoughts for Arc 6 too, but I'll leave that for once Arc 5's over. I honestly think Re:Zero will have a month or two break after Arc 5 before Arc 6 starts airing.
ALSO! I said this then

17 Episodes is also pretty unconventional for a 1 cour series, really it's bordering on two cours, but it's not something unheard of. Attack on Titan did final season part 1 with 16 episodes and Boogiepop (2019) did 18. I'm sure a studio who was able to get the TV slots to do 29:30 minute episodes can pull some strings for extended cours. But if they can't, they can always follow the new trend of double or triple length first episodes. If they decide to cram all of Volume 16 into one Oshi no Ko type episode, it can definitely work.

AAAAARGH! I wanted to gloat, but I was banned the morning the news was revealed, I couldn't respond to any of the comments or threads. I am hurt. Though I deserve that for commenting spoilers in a [discussion] thread.
In any case, here is the revised Episode count for Season 3 based on how I think it can go.
For the first 90 minute episode, I think we can all agree that they're definitely doing that so we can get to the Theatre of Malice chapter. The way Sirius made her appearance in the PV pretty much confirms it. We'll definitely be ending off the first episode with the image of Subaru learning he got RBD for the first time in over a year. The Light Novel illustration where it all starts dawning on him.
​
https://preview.redd.it/9eje6p0dhi5d1.png?width=957&format=png&auto=webp&s=0c17e1746bdd0631389a200c684e7a01b3aacabe
Source: DdukaE
Imagine Subaru realizes what had just happened then we get either the new opening or ending to hit. While the OP or ED (I'm pretty sure it'll be the OP) is playing, were either going to jump to the credits or continue panning across Pristella with giving us a glimpse of all the other character's whereabouts or just the happy faces of the people, "clueless" about what's to come, setting up an ominous tone. A similar approach to how Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2 ended episode 17. Another song possibility could be Theatre D since the word "theatre" is already there and it also fits the scene perfectly, but given how they played the Opening in the PV, they're most likely going to use that instead. Or they may just do both, use Theatre D to show Subaru realizing what had just happened, panning across the city, but for the credits they'll use the Opening.
Right now, I think Season 3 can totally work with either 16 or 17 episodes. I'm more leaning towards 16 episodes, but 17 is possible if White Fox chooses to go with that route.
I will say this now, I'm pretty sure Volume 16 will have the most cut content out of all Arc 5 volumes. Not only is it the heaviest with 83k words, it will also have the least amount of time given. I remember hearing Oshi no Ko was going to get a 90 minute premiere, but it turns out it was only 1 hour and 22 minutes. That can certainly happen with Re:Zero, and with the shuffling of Garfiel's chapter being placed onto Episode 1, they'll need to cram even more content.
This won't be an issue for episode 2 onwards because they can always go for extended episodes. So a volume can be adapted anywhere from 84 minutes all the way up to 100 minutes. And given Re:Zero's track record, it can probably be pushed even up to 118 minutes. So I'll just say now, it's better we all be prepared to not see Priscilla dancing in episode 4...

Episode	Coverage (Volume 16)
Episode 1: "Theatre of Malice"	All of Volume 16, plus Parts 1 and 2 of Volume 17's Gorgeous Tiger chapter

​
For Volume 17, I think it can be done reasonably with 4 episodes. Episode 2 will showcase all 3 of Subaru's deaths in Arc 5. Episode 3 will have Subaru, Emilia and Beatrice vs Sirius as well as Regulus' comeback and has all the HQ stuff. Episode 4 will cover the rest of Garfiel's flashback as well as what the team deciding what would be the perfect course of action. The episode will end with the cast getting ready to charge to the City HQ. And finally episode 5 will be all about them conquering the HQ.
In the case of the "Gorgeous Tiger" chapter, I honestly don't believe they're gonna play it all in Episode 1 because that'd be way too much. They can't. It'll ruin the story. And Tappei's "Wait, what the fuck happened?" cliffhanger of Volume 17 chapter 3 works perfectly when we just see Garfiel and Mimi covered in blood. I think they'll end off Garfiel's segment in episode 1 when he sees his mother. Then the rest of the gorgeous tiger chapter will be where it originally was supposed to be. I think they also switched it around for pacing reasons.

Episode	Coverage (Volume 17)
Episode 2: "Casually Comparing Answers"	All of Chapter 1 up to the first part of Chapter 2
Episode 3: "A Showdown of Ice and Fire"	The Rest of Chapter 2, and all of Chapter 3
Episode 4: "Gorgeous Tiger"	Chapter 4 starting at Part 3, all the way up to the 2nd Part Chapter 5
Episode 5: "The Operation to Retake City Hall"	The Rest of Volume 17

​
For Volume 18 and 19, I thought cramming them to three episodes each would be possible before, but now I think that's way too little. Now they each can get 4 episodes.

Episode	Coverage (Volume 18)
Episode 6: "Picking up the Pieces"	Volume 18, All of the Prologue, All of Chapter 1 up to Part 2 of Chapter 2
Episode 7: "What it Takes to be Knight"	The rest of Chapter 2, up to part 3 of Chapter 3
Episode 8: "The Newest Hero and Oldest Hero"	The rest of Chapter 3, up to Part 5 of Chapter 4's
Episode 9: "The Stars Engraved in History"	The Rest of Chapter 4, and all of Chapter 5's

​
Volume 19 was a bit tougher to deal with. Tappei cut up the Regulus fight with the Lilianna fight and now they're mixed. I had to recut them into something fit for episodes sine the pacing was kind've weird if it was just placed in there as is.
For Episode 10, it'll cover the first part of Priscilla's fight with Sirius, then end in a cliffhanger where Lilianna is about to sing.

“Hear ye, everyone at the back! And those up close, watch my dance closely! And for those way in the back, I’ll be raising my voice, so you listen, too! Liliana Masquerade shall perform a song and a dance for you! Lend me your ears for ‘Beyond Daybreak’!”
—I’ll cram all these feelings into it!

Then it ends.
Episode 11 will open up with Lilianna's backstory. Covering all of that until the ending of the fight. This is where (I hope) we get great Anime original song from Lilianna. Then it'll end with Subaru and Emilia getting chased by Regulus
Episode 12 opens with Subaru and Emilia being chased by Regulus, here Emilia will summon the ice skating! The episode will end with Subaru pretending to be hurt and showing that he was playing ths whole time, and then Emilia shooting an icicle into the sky.
Episode 13 will show Emilia's POV on what happened and her confrontation with the wives. All the way up to the Death of Regulus.

Episode	Coverage (Volume 19)
Episode 10: "Paean to a City in Flames"	Volume 19, All of Prologue, All of Chapter 2, and Part 1 of Chapter 4
Episode 11: "Lilianna Masquerade"	The rest of Chapter 4, and Parts 1 to 3 of Chapter 2
Episode 12: "The Battle with Greed Begins"	The rest of chapter 2, and all of Chapter 3
Episode 13: "Regulus Corneas"	All of Chapter 5 and Chapter 6

​
For Volume 20, my thoughts haven't really changed.
For Episode 14, The prologue will show Julius and Ricardo fighting Gluttony, then we'll see Otto, Beatrice and Felt's fight with Gluttony, then finally Al vs Capella
For Episode 15, it'll be all about the Astrea from start to finish. It ends with painful shot of Reinhard, Wilhelm and Heinkel facing away from each other.
For Episode 16, the first part will be Garfiel's fight with Kurgan and that will be the final fight. I think the Theresia chapter is a far betting "ending" fight, but the pacing would be rather awkward since there's no other way to cut it. Ending with Garfiel's fight should be fine though as his character arc is strongly tied to Pristella and its people. Then after the smoke has settled and everything seems okay, we get the cliffhanger of Emilia asking who TF julius is.
I think Volume 20 is a bit too short for a full 4 episodes, being only 69k words, and without chapter 7, that number will be brought down to 56k words. If 77k words is average for 4 episodes, the average for 3 episodes (77kx0.75) is equal to roughly 58k words for 3 episodes, so the 56k remaining words (Prologue to chapter 6) is perfect for the ballpark of the 3 remaining episodes.

Episode	Coverage (Volume 20)
Episode 14: "A Hideous Banquet"	Volume 20, Part 3 of Prologue, and All of Chapters 1 and 2
Episode 15: "Theresia Van Astrea"	Part 2 of Prologue, and All of Chapters 4 and 5
Episode 16: "A Warriors Acclaim"	Part 1 of Prologue, and All of Chapters 3 and 6

There could be an episode 17 covering Volume 20 Chapter 6 as well as Volume 21's interlude, but I think that'll be better for Arc 6 whenever that season comes out, since most of it has the characters talk about the Watchtower and the Sage that resides within. I also think 16 episodes isn't that hard to believe since Attack on Titan Season 4 part 1 has 16 episodes, and also I think the Julius cliffhanger can be Season 3's variation of the "Who's Rem" cliffhanger.
Btw for anyone curious, this is the chapter list titles so you can follow along-
Volume 17

Chapter 1: Casually Comparing Answers
Chapter 2: A Showdown of Ice and Fire
Chapter 3: Witchcult Disaster Response HQ
Chapter 4: Gorgeous Tiger
Chapter 5: Operation to retake City Hall

Volume 18

Prologue
Chapter 1: Picking up the Pieces
Chapter 2: What it takes to be a knight
Chapter 3: Newest Hero and the Oldest Hero
Chapter 4: The Stars Engraved in History
Chapter 5: The Person who I one day fell in love with

Volume 19

Prologue: City Scramble
Chapter 1: The Battle with Greed Begins
Chapter 2: Paean to a City in Flames
Chapter 3: Sign the Divorce Papers
Chapter 4: Lilianna Masquerade
Chapter 5: Believng
Chapter 6: Regulus Corneas

Volume 20

Prologue: Moonlit Capriccio
Chapter 1: A hideous Banquet
Chapter 2: The Territory Victim
Chapter 3: A Warriors Acclaim
Chapter 4: The Love Song of the Sword Devil Fragment
Chapter 5: Theresia Van Astrea
Chapter 6: The results of the Battle in Pristella

​

This is going to take a while, so id like to lead with something i found sort of amusing while doing research for this post
currently, the highest amount of energy a warframe can achieve, would be Garuda Prime with Primed Flow, Endurance Drift, and 5 blue Tauforged Archon shards. this would get 1319 max energy.
Assuming that Garuda could fully activate Battery Armor, by itself, she would reach 1320 max energy.
lastly, it has been made clear that Battery armor is subject to change, as are all of the upcoming arcanes. what follows will be assuming that we get it as it has been shown. and may serve as argumentation for if it should, or should not, be changed.
Battery Armor is a very interesting Arcane. at .3 max energy per point of armor, youd need 3334 armor to fully activate the effect, granting any warframe 1000 energy max.
there is alot to unpack here, but before we talk about how much armor that is, and if/when this is worth using when you cant max it out, we need to address a more complicated problem.
why do you want energy Max? and when you do, what would you possibly want with that much of it?
Energy max is a component of the Trifecta of the "Energy Economy". that being energy generation, energy expense, and energy max, aka your buffer.
there are about a billion ways these days to generate energy, and efficiency/duration can reduce the amount of energy you spend. letting you increase income and decrease expense. with good enough energy generation, energy max becomes superfluous. so when is energy max warranted?
the first case is when you want to cast 1 ability for a really, really long time, that has a drain effect you cant bypass. this is sort of the Mesa problem, though with health orb creators and the Dispensary in the helminth its not that big of a deal for Mesa either.
the second case is when your energy Generation is very "Bursty". the peak popularity of Primed Flow Coincided with the dominance of Arcane Energize. having a high energy cap was important to ensure that when energize went off, you didn't lose part of it due to not having room for the full 150. Energize has a hard cap of 600 energy per minute. it can only be less efficient than that, not more. if your energy cap was low, around 200, youd often lose part of your energize, it was important to bump it up higher so that didnt happen. as Energize has fallen out of favor, so has flow. there are still some energy generation setups that are sufficiently bursty. Spectrosiphon setups generate about a billion energy orbs, but they can be tedious to maintain. having a high E max can mean you dont need too do the siphon dance nearly as often.
the third case is in combination with things like the Preparation mod, for non-endless mission builds that forgo energy generation entirely and plan to just bring all the energy they need with them.
these all focus on Emax as it pertains to the role of energy in ability casting, but there are 3 more cases that dont.
the first being ofcourse, incarnon weapons. a number of them have effects that only work when you have a certain amount of Emax. and for some frames reaching that number is not possible with Primed Flow alone. for some setups Battery Armor may be more practical.
the current lowest base energy capacity is Ash Prime, at 150. to get to 700 Emax for triggering Paladin's Virtue would require Ash to have 1834 armor. this is still a little bit... . this is still very impractical.
so maybe god didnt intend ash prime too use Angstrum incarnon, and we will just have to live with that. surely there are other frames and situations where it will be more helpful.
the second worth noting is Secondary Surge. Yet another new arcane which, if it shipped as its presented, would offer up a damage multiplier on the next shot in exchange for your Current energy. up to 8x at 1600 Current energy.
if this is, effectively, 800% roar, then surely someone somewhere will find a practical use for this. even if it is just killing Terry with a non-incarnon Lato. i can feel the Dark Pull of the Azima once again calling to me, but im sure DE pre-emptively made this not apply to the turrets to salt my wounds.
nothing definite can be said about Surge right now, since we dont have it. the fact that its 1 shot and the fact that most of our big enemies damage attenuate means this will likely end up as a gimmick for BTFO'ing Demo units at absolute best.
the last reason to want high energy max has already been foreshadowed, Quick Thinking.
Quick thinking is a profoundly old mod. its rare to find something from 2013 warframe that still has some straight up voodoo too it, but well. . .the Wiki cannot Define what a "strong hit" is, and the problem isnt even documented ingame.
setting that aside, Quick thinking lets you treat your energy bar like a health bar. 1000 energy would translate into 2400 additional health. and yes Quick thinking scales with your armor. to get that energy you are automatically assuming atleast 3334 armor, so that'd make you fairly tanky. really the idea of being able to spec into survival focusing on shields, health, or energy as your main juice of survival would be great.
ok so there are at least a handful of reasons you might want to Spike your Emax into the Stratosphere, now lets talk about the problem.
3334 armor is alot of fucking armor.
really only one warframe is going to get this effect for free. .and thats Chroma. who arguably doesn't need it. i mean i guess itd make using his 4 easier. . i guess. Quick Thinking Chroma is kind of a silly concept for a frame that can already get a billion health without any help.
moving down the line, Triple umbral atlas prime with his Maxed out Passive hits 2900 armor. Health conversion + his passive hits 3350. thats just 1 mod, which is not bad. though HC isnt totally reliable, particularly when you are solo.
a valk with Health conversion and like 375+ strength would get there as well. in this case Triple umbral and Health conversion are of equal value.
Grendel Prime, with his gourmand augment, a fully stacked passive, and Health Conversion gets there. though the reliability of keeping Grendels belly fully is somewhat iffy.
Hydroid's plunder can get there, though the abilty is. . we shall be generous and say "has a high skill cap" and not "is profoundly unreliable". he would sill need like over 400 strength or to be running an extra source of armor, but any one will do.
Wukong's Defy gets him part of the way there, but 1350+1500+290 still puts us short.
oberon and inaros would both need totally impractical amounts of power strength, and you dont remember that octavia has an armor buff, so i wont talk about it.
Melee fortification and 16 kills per 10 seconds gets there, il leave explaining why this is not helpful as an exercise for the reader.
lastly, lets talk about Parasitic armor. we can fiddle with the numbers here a bit. at 300 Strength youd only need about 1100 shields, or really less given your base armor. the main issue with this idea is that you cant gain more shields until it runs out, so you cant use this effect to keep your energy max up permanently. you can use it to temporarily spike your Emax. .but to what end?
lets look at some more practical things.
a Tauforged blue archon shard gives 225 armor and would also give 67.5 Emax. effectively doubling the value of the shard, in a very specific way.
ive mentioned health conversion a few times. for most warframes, health conversion is the best 1 slot source of armor available. you need more than 750 base armor before Triple umbral'd fiber becomes a better option.
Battery Armor makes Health conversion give 405 Emax in addition to the armor it gives.
is that good?
Primed flow gives exactly 405 Emax if your have 225 base energy. 225 is the most common base energy in the game, though again, accounting for base armor, you would come out slightly ahead of primed flow
the problem here is that arcane slots are generally. . .more valuable than mod slots. so spending an arcane slot to save a mod slot seems pointless. especially if you are having to build into armor just to get it active.
Battery armor being balanced so that the most powerful source of flat armor being roughly as valuable as primed flow on the bulk of warframes feels intentional, and that feels bad. Battery armor feels like a "third arcane slot" arcane as it is currently presented, but. . well. i genuinely think even if the armor to Emax was a 1 to 1 conversion, it would probably still not be terribly popular. it feels over-balanced at the moment.
.3 = 3334 armor to max
.4 = 2500 armor to max
.5 =2000 armor to max
.6=1667 armor to max.
let me present you with a Hypothetical.
currently, there is a combo i call HC+AB. Health Conversion + Arcane Blessing, gives 1350 armor and 1200 HP. its a pair of flat buffs that gives even relatively squishy warframes a solid baseline of tanking, for the bargain price of 1 mod slot and 1 arcane slot.
if Battery Armor were set to .6 armor per 1 E max
most warframes can get too 1667 armor with Health conversion+ their base armor + an Archon shard.
if they instead Ran Battery Armor instead of arcane Blessing, and also ran Quick Thinking. they'd have 1350 armor and +1000 Emax which would then be counted as effectively 2400 HP.
for 1 additional mod slot, weve doubled the Ehp of blessing, we dont need a source of healing anymore, but we are significantly more dependent on good energy management. no i will not start talking about Adaptation this late in the game, but in terms of boosting your Ehp for 1 mot slot. . .you get the idea.
and i still in my gut feeling thing that this would not be worth it. you'd need to address the Faults of Quick thinking and like. . make it a 9 cost mod or something. and the itd still be more build-space than shield gating for something that's likely just as hard to pilot.
this is obviously meant to be combo'd with the other Emax based arcane dropping this set but there is a single digit number of frames that can even Feasibly get too 1600 Emax through this effect, and for that work you still need too cast an ability before every shot.
is this intended to support. .what? the selection of Mediocre Grenade based incarnon sidearms that nobody uses? Atamos Zylok and Gammacor? maybe you could put this behind Lex but Lex is already ludicriously strong without a trapeze act to perform before you can shoot it. i say again . .to what end?
this is alot of work to put into achieving Big Number given you've spent the last 2 years making all of the relevant bosses and minibosses resistant to Big Number technology. i guess maybe this is a new avenue for acoltye nuking, maybe? should be funny with the Grimore alt fire.
as someone who plays almost entirely for Novelty these days, and who has spent much of the last few months getting to know Caliban on a first name basis, my standards of "worth it" are about as low as you can go without busting out the spade. so when i say something doesnt seem like its worth it, that is a judgment of value coming from someone who considers 6 formaing Venato to be a valid use of my time.
TL;Dr.
for the effort required to use it, Battery Armor will almost certainly not see much use. only Chroma, Atlas and Valkyr can activate it reasonably easily, for everyone else its just too much of a pain in the ass.
there are limited reasons to even want significant amounts of Emax, aside from a bespoke combo with an upcoming sidearm arcane that will probably be more trouble than its worth outside of Mr.WarframeGuy's meme videos (and they will no doubt be glorious). interactions with Quick thinking while interesting to think about are burdened by the fact that you are forced to run quick thinking. QT is occasionally useful, but until DE at a bare minimum publishes the conditions for it to Stagger me, and better yet just removes that part of QT entirely il leave the Energymaxxing survival strategy in the hypothetical category.
do you think Battery Armor should ship as presented, or should the rate of armor too energy be raised? personally i think .5 armor per energy, for a max requirement of 2000 armor, would be a fair bit more mannage for a larger portion of the cast. i think .3 is unreasonably low, but im curious if im alone in that. i think any higher than .5 and were lapsing from Fair into Generous.
i also think that no amount of Emax can make the stat itself more Valuable, as simply generating energy reliably is easier and more useful than being able to store alot of it. having good energy generation is a need. having good energy storage is a want.
the best use of over 1k energy max that i can think of is Recreating this old meme using Banshee's 4.
Have a pleasant evening, its 3am and ive been staring at wiki pages and doing math for 3 hours. im going to bed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuSTxnsGV1Q

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