My gf and I have been together for 3 years. We were extremely close and shared so many passions, ambitions and goals in life. We did many long holidays together and were generally very happy. The only caveat is that she at times wanted more from the relationship than I felt I naturally gave at the time. We always worked through it and we were genuinely very happy. Towards the end of our relationship we had agreed to move in together which was something she always wanted.

Where it went wrong: In September 2023 my career which had been successful up to that point, turned toxic and it took its toll on me (although hard to realise at the time). I probably neglected our relationship a bit as I stopped planning as many dates. I also stopped doing this due to the super high cost of buying a flat in London I wanted to save money(our next step). In February I moved out of my flat and stayed with family while we started looking for our flat and I noticed my gf became distant and was hiding something. I tried to ask her a few times if everything was ok but she isn’t very confrontational and we never got to the bottom of it. I became a bit frustrated with her at times and this was probably the worst part our relationship had ever been.

In march she slightly out of the blue told me she was having some doubts. I immediately realised what I’d done wrong and tried to make a huge effort. I sent her flowers, wrote her letters and much more. It seemed to work for a few weeks but she was under a lot of stress due to her grandma dying (who she was very close with). She eventually ended it as she felt too many little things had been brushed aside by me. She cited how although I had made a huge effort recently, she felt the effort was one way before and it shouldn’t have been.

She is kind of right, but there were factors that explained some of my behaviour, such as my work and the stress of moving flats. I tried to explain all of these little things but it didn’t work.

I find it so frustrating as she is judging me on past memories and not the person in front of her who is so desperate to give her everything she ever wanted. She loved me so much. This has obviously changed, but how can I prove this to her or should I just accept defeat?

I was considering writing her another letter owning how I wasn’t ready for the commitment early in our relationship and it’s taken losing her and a few months apart to effectively grow up and really realise where I went wrong. I don’t want to seem desperate but I am out of ideas?

I have summarised parts of this post to keep it brief.

I made mistakes but what should I do?

hi everyone !! i speak iraqi arabic however, i barely read or write at all because i'm not used to formal arabic. i know how to read (poorly) and my writing is horrible. i add alifs where there shouldn't be, can't differentiate what letters to use when i'm spelling words, etc.
i really want to learn so i'm able to communicate better online, read literature, etc.
there's a lot of resources for absolute beginners but not really much for people in the same situation as me. could anyone please give me any advice, tips and online resources to learn how to fluently read and write?
thank you!!

Note please don't call me dad.
But yes! Hello it's my first time on reddit! A little-lot about me:

1. I first used reddit as of posting this about 2-ish weeks ago but I've shadowed Reddit for much longer. I never wanted to make an account due to shyness, confusing rules, and the dreaded censorship that seems to plague every platform. (Plz don't ban me reddit, I beg.) However due to my introvertedness taking over more and more, now seemed like a good a time as any!
   
2. Yep! The name comes from a Nickelodeon cartoon, and if I have to explain from: ¹ how dare you. ² we can't be friends!
   
3. I browsed over hundreds of subreddits, always thinking if I ever did join - where would I start? I had ideas of where, but not-so-much when...And given said strict rules, I always thought I had a knit and knack for sentence structure, spelling and grammar as I've been complimented on my penmanship and organization skills...yet, reddit I'm sure will truly test me on that. I've been out of an English class for many, many years now. So forgive me in advance I'll try my best!
   
4. Speaking of many, many years - I'm not so young and not so old either! It's a mystery. And as per reddit guidelines to not share sensitive information - I suppose I will keep it that way. You'll just have to think of me as an enigmatic mr. magoo-like shape; formless in the hands of it's users, but an organized cut figure in staunch of his allies. Think of Inspector gadget except more mysterious. (And who trips on his own shoelaces.) So...basically Timmy's dad!
   
5. I'm a gamer, hobbiest writer and photographer, and a perspective teacher (in my former years) and I plan on adding a bit of each into their respective subreddit categories in some form of time. I write amateur poetry from time to time, stemming from natural & creative to erotic prose gasp! and when I feel like it - short stories. I tend to also gravitate towards shapeable wordless songs and giving them my own spin (like ost's), as well as coming up with songs lyrics of my own. I went to a magnet school in my younger years for all of the above forms of writing as well as screenwriting and playwriting. All of this is fun to me and that's the extent of it. Nothing more. If you stumble upon any of my former pieces searching for an answer as to why I wrote some of the things I said, or why I said them...it comes down to just whatever floats into my peripheral vision in that given moment; sometimes it's music that inspires me, and othertimes it's just what needs to be said. And hey, sometimes I'm blindsided by my blindspots. And other, other, some times I stop using the word "time" so often! Grrr!
   
6. As for games, I'm a replayer of not-so-old games that are not so timeless, but not-so new anymore eiGarrett! This is mainly due to financial tightness and that older games charm I can't forget. Games such as:
   

• Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days (and all it's entries, except Unchained X)
• Resident Evil 4
• Uncharted 3 (and all it's entries, except Golden Abyss)
• Breath of the Wild
• Sonic Advance 2 & 3
• Yugioh 5d's Wheelie Breakers
• Yugioh 5d's world championship 2011: Over the Nexus
• Yugioh Tagforce 4 & 5
• Destiny 1 & 2
• Apex Legends

(There are others, but these are some games I hold dear that come off the top of my head.)
I've found games sometimes help shape and induce flow-like states to help us ease into transitions of moment-to-moment actions defining our playable characters, some. Or in other cases, defining ourselves most when we need to caught between a rock and a hard place...like in a gunfight...(I'm looking you Apex Legends, Uncharted, and Destiny.) But yes, in those instances - I've found that what help shape me along with some of the game's life-lessons taught to our characters, did indeed help shape me into the person I am today. (Inb4 someone says I identify as Harumo-chan the master of hoe-jitsu), lol no I'm saying the best parts about our characters can help shape us sometimes without us even knowing it. (But Harumo-chan did help shape me Timmy, why can't you see that?) More power to you then. The best parts for some and the worser parts for others i suppose. :P
6½. What i mean to the last point is, part of my strength I've found is from when I draw strength from other strong characters I've seen and what they've been through; (or put you through and thus you're going through the sh*t-show together.) Characters that have really inspired me are probably namely Sora, Riku & Roxas from Kingdom Hearts, Nathan Drake from Uncharted, Sonic, and Yusei from Yugioh 5d's. I know, very adult of me right? Mm, I am interested however where others draw their strength from? Which form of medium do they choose, why did they choose it and who do they draw strength from if not in a show or game?
I could talk about why I choose these individual characters but I believe that's best suited for another thread/post. P.s. as for tv shows though? A huge inspiration i draw from is Rick, from the walking dead. I don't watch many new shows anymore. (As for why that is, maybe that's also best suited for another post.)

1. Speaking of shows - I don't really have time to watch anime all that much but some influential ones I've grown to be very fond of are:

• Yugioh 5d's (subbed)
• Sword Art Online (subbed) and season 1 only
• Soul Eater
• Avatar: The Last Airbender (yes this counts lol)
• DragonBall Super (subbed)
• Soul Eater
• Gundam
• Golden Time (one of the first anime's I've cried to, though that was a long time ago, would be interesting if I have the same reaction rewatching it. All I remember is getting exceptionally emotional and invested which was out of the usual for me. Although I can't remember which part got me the most.)

There are others, and I've seen all series of Yugioh and DragonBall alike, but these in particular stood out to me. For DragonBall Super mostly due to the absolute insanity the tournament of power was and that last fight. I've seen other animes or stopped, started and stopped again as I couldn't get invested into them. That's why Golden Time really took me by surprise. Same with Yugioh 5d's and S1 of Sword Art Online. I am interested to see what other subreddits with differing views on what sorts of animes other people prefer or recommend I watch.
Same with games, music or movies.
To wrap up,
Tldr; you can call me Timmy (Timmm-aH!) For short, or even shorter than short - dad, just don't get weird with it, (unless?...no I'm joking, unless?...) and I'm here like anyone else to peruse reddit on useful or entertaining things!
Anything else I'll either edit this big jumbo post or add on later!
Sincerely,
Dad.

I’ll preface by saying that I do enjoy Taylor’s music and found myself a little deeper into the fandom last year; since then I’ve made my observations and have been more neutral towards her, but do consider myself a fan.
That being said, my biggest criticism is this narrative about her being an ingenious mastermind with how she develops clues and easter eggs. Creating Easter eggs and puzzles is EASY when you’re writing the script. I find it similar to developing a word search. It’s much harder to solve a word search because you don’t now where letters may fall. But if you’re developing a word search, all you have to do is plop the clues in. Same goes for how she develops her puzzles and Easter eggs. The stage is already set for her, all she has to do is plop the clues in. She develops her OWN stories and her OWN narrative, so she can literally develop that puzzle however she wants. It’s so easy to develop clues when you know what your end goal is.
I’m sure she gets the majority of her clues from socials and her unhinged fans who develop far more complicated theories that she feeds into. Puzzling and Easter eggs are the LEAST impressive part of her career.

Hi everyone. My family and I are in a bit of a tricky situation.
Our background : My parents are divorced. In 2012, my dad lodged a remaining relative visa (subclass 115) application offshore as his last remaining relatives, his mum and only sibling are Aus citizens (his dad, my grandpa passed away a long time ago). My sister and I were included in the application as his dependents. Fast forward, after 12 years of waiting in the queue, the immigration department finally started processing the application in Jan this year. We were asked to resubmit all the documentations again. However, I am now already 25 years old, working full time and currently on partner visa 820 here in Australia. Because of this, our migration agent advised me to withdraw from this remaining relative application. So my dad and my sister submitted this application without me.
Today, the immigration department just got back to us. Here is their response: “It is a requirement for the grant of a Remaining Relative (Subclass 115) visa that all ‘near relatives’ of the applicant or their spouse or de facto partner (if any) are Australian citizens, Australian permanent residents or eligible New Zealand citizens at the time of the application being lodged and when a decision is made on the application. Departmental systems show that the following person, [MY NAME] is not an Australian citizen, Australian permanent resident or eligible New Zealand citizen. Therefore, you may not meet the criteria for the grant of a Remaining Relative visa. Your comments on this matter are invited.” So because I don’t hold aus PR yet, they might reject us.
They have asked my family to submit a letter. The thing is I am almost ready to apply for my permanent resident visa 801 on the 2nd of June this year so it’s literally only weeks away from now. Will the immigration department reconsider and let my family delay their application until I’m granted PR (which probably will happen less than a year from now)? If so, what should my family write in the letter? They gave us 28 days to send a response letter back.
Please give me some advice. I’m legit so stressed right now😭I really want my family to stay with me in australia. TIA

Hi everyone!
I know how stressed and anxious you all must feel. I've been there and I get it. I first took the UBE in July 2021 and got a 327. I took the Florida Bar* in February 2024 and passed.
I wasn't a high achieving law student and I didn't graduate from a "top" law school. I also only completed just under 40% of Barbri's course.
Here's how I passed and here's how you can, too:

1. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE YOUR ESSAYS. It's easy to think, "Oh, I know the law, I'll be able to push out an essay with ease!" That is not the case. You must practice essays under timed conditions to get comfortable with the time limits on the bar exam and to familiarize yourself with the questions.
   
2. Don't try to cheat the system. If your bar prep course calls for you to read an outline, actually read it.
   
3. WRITE DOWN the black letter law when you get a multiple choice question wrong. I wrote the law in red ink in the margins of my outlines. That way, when I went back to review, I could clearly see that I had gotten that law wrong before and I would get it correct next time around.
   
4. Bear in mind that the bar exam is not the end of the world. Yes, it may feel like it, but it's really not. I know great lawyers who have failed the bar twice (or more) and still went on to achieve excellence. In five years, NO ONE will remember whether you pass or failed your first (or second or third) bar exam.
   
5. Don't sacrifice your mental health. Go on walks, watch an episode or two of your favorite show, read a good book. Do SOMETHING you enjoy during bar prep so you have something to look forward to at the end of the day and you have something to keep your mind off of this god awful exam.
   

Best of luck!
Cheers,
u/lannisterhearmeroar
*I had to take the ENTIRE bar exam in FL due to my MBE score expiring, not just the FL specific part.

Y’all, I’m really not sure what’s still around. This list is somewhat edited, but please still make sure to check on all the regular events before you make big plans – I may have missed something.
Events are listed by the day. Events that happen every week appear first, one time stuff after that. If you have anything you’d like people to know about, comment here or message me and I’ll add it in. If you’d like further info about any of the events, look it up! I usually don’t have any extra to add.
Large Scale, Ongoing, and Multi-Day Events

Local Running, Walking, and Biking Info: https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/
Guided Paddling Outings all around the area: https://www.facebook.com/hsmithoutdoors
Tallahassee Film Society Showings: https://www.tallahasseefilms.com/tickets/
Book Clubs for all tastes: https://www.facebook.com/midtownreadeevents
Live Theater:

• Making Light Productions: https://www.makinglightproductions.org/
  
• Theatre Tallahassee: https://theatretallahassee.org/
  
• Mickee Faust Club: https://www.mickeefaust.com/
  
• Monticello Opera House: https://www.monticellooperahouse.org/
  
• FSU School of Theatre: https://theatre.fsu.edu/productions/
  
• Young Actors Theatre: https://www.youngactorstheatre.com/
  
• Quincy Music Theatre: https://quincymusictheatre.com/
  
• Tallahassee Hispanic Theater: https://tallahasseehispanictheater.wordpress.com/
  

OutdooFarmer’s Markets:

• Lake Ella Grower's Market: Wednesday and Saturday, 11am-2pm. You can always find organic vendors, and foragers: The Holistic Cannabis Community, Artzi Farms, Hickory Nut Gifts, and others. Including Pita Queen! Farmer's Market Nutrition Program Coupons gladly accepted!
  
• Tallahassee Downtown Market: Saturdays, 10am-2pm, Park Ave Parks. Vendors display their arts and fine crafts, jewelry, handmade soap, pottery, Fresh from Florida produce, hand-raised beef and pork, fresh baked bread, jams and jellies, and honey. Live music from different local musicians every Saturday.
  
• Frenchtown Heritage Market: 524 N MLK Jr Blvd. Third Saturday of the month 10am to 2pm. Come grow community and support your local farmers and makers, while you get your groceries for the week! Don’t forget! We match SNAP/EBT, so you DOUBLE your money to go towards locally grown fresh fruits and vegetables! If the guy with the pineapple is there, get it. This is currently only happening on the third Saturday of the month for the next few months while road work is completed.
  
• Tallahassee Farmers Market: 2904 Kerry Forest Pkwy, Saturdays, 8am to Noon. Come see us at Tallahassee's longest-running farmers market! We are a year-round market, featuring local farms and vendors that provide the best seasonal produce, meats, baked goods, and more. We welcome you and your whole family (leashed pets included) to come out and meet your local farmers! Ample parking is available between our lot and the shopping center lot next door (by Red Elephant). Come early for the best selection.
  

THURSDAY, 5/16

• The Hub at Feather Oaks: Bingo. 6pm
  
• Dreamland BBQ: Weekly Open Blues Jam. If you'd like to sing, please bring your own mic. 6pm
  
• Honest Living Vape: Chess-Master Thursdays . Beginners and experts, join us every Thursday from 6-9 for Chess-Master Thursdays. All ages. Bring your board or play ours! Tournaments coming soon! 6pm
  
• Lake Tribe: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Takko Market Square: Bingo Night. 7pm
  
• The Getaway Grille and Bar: Karaoke with Jared Walker. 7pm
  
• Amicus Brewing: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Smitty's Taphouse: Trivia Lab Thursdays. Teams of 6 or fewer players can compete for $30 / $20 / $10 Prizes + The Golden MacGuffin prize table! New format! Interactive smartphone answering for your comfort and safety! 6 Fun Rounds - 42 Total Questions. 7:30pm
  
• Studio D: Bachata Fever. We always have a bachata workshop at 8 pm before Bachata Fever. We dance afterwards to the sounds of DJ Bacharod. The class is at 8 pm and Bachata Fever will start at 930 pm. Many times people are learning in class and may feel uncomfortable social dancing while they are still learning moves. We have a welcoming environment so stay and have fun and dance with everyone. That is how we learn. 8pm/Class $5/Bachata Fever $5.
  
• The Sound Bar: Comedy Night. 8pm
  
• Finnegans Wake: Open Mic. 8:30pm
  
• Brass Tap in Midtown: Karaoke with DJ Rah. 9pm
  
• 926: Karaoke. 9pm
  
• Bird’s: Karaoke with Nathan. 9pm
  

• Fire Bettys: Slasher Bash. This week we'll be showing: "Zombeavers". Prepare for an evening of horrific hilarity with comedy narration and devilish drinking games!🍻 Hosted by local comedians. 8pm/21+
  
• Blue Tavern: Seep's Gumbo Nation ft. Shanice Richards. 8pm
  

FRIDAY, 5/17

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour with Steve Malono. 5pm
  
• Lake Tribe Brewing: Flannel Fridays with Live Music. 6pm
  
• Hobbit West: Friday Night Dart Tournament. Anyone can Enter! Sign ups at 7:30, Darts fly at 8:00/$10 entry fee
  
• Ouzts Too: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 8pm
  
• Just One More: Karaoke with DJ Rah. 9pm-11pm/21+
  
• 926: The Hot Friday Night Party and Drag Show. 9pm/$5/18+
  

• The Hub at Feather Oaks: Rachel Hillman. 5:30pm
  
• Lake Tribe: Ben Wentworth. 5:30pm
  
• Amicus Brewing: The Tanglers. 6pm
  
• The Getaway Grille and Bar: One Year Anniversary Celebration Featuring Queen of Hearts Band. 6pm
  
• Southwood Golf Club: The Rhythm Remedy. 6:30pm
  
• Goodwood: The Big Bash Havana Nights presented by Brent Hartsfield. The Big Bash is Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Big Bend's signature fundraising gala of the year and directly supports the agency's youth mentoring programs. Guests will enjoy Cuban Cuisine, champagne mojitos, cigars, flights, classic cars, photo opportunities, silent auction vacation packages, LIVE music and dancing, and an exciting LIVE salsa dance performance from 12 community volunteers! The event is a tremendous networking opportunity for Tallahassee's top business professionals, local community leaders and philanthropists to come together to enjoy an evening to celebrate the achievements of Big Brothers Big Sisters. 7pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Wil Fulkerson Jazz Night. 8pm
  
• House of Music: Belly Dancing: Journey From The Nile To The Tigris. Habibi, join us on a groovy carpet ride across ancient deserts: Disco Iskandar embarks on a voyage of belly dance, folklore, cinema, and history in a theatrical dance production, JOURNEY FROM THE NILE TO THE TIGRIS. Highlighting the prominence of belly dance in films of the Middle East from the 1940s through the 1970s, we present a live showcase exhibiting dances from Egypt, Turkey, Iraq, and beyond. It goes so much deeper than you think. Hookahs! Swords! Rhinestones, literally everywhere! This cross section of entertainment and education is the culmination of years of obsessive learning, two national tours, and travels to Egypt & Lebanon. JOURNEY FROM THE NILE TO THE TIGRIS is a trip unlike any other-- where the Middle East meets Vegas. This show’s cast is Gabi Corazon, Gia Bee, Liz Azi, Olya Clark, Vania Ojeda, director Veronica Lynn, and special guest star Omaris! 8pm/$15/21+
  
• The Sound Bar: The Old Schoolers. 8pm
  
• Vino Beano: Your Scumbag Neighbors. 8pm
  
• The Bark: Medians, No Yeah, Sleep John B, and Cloud Storage. 8pm
  

SATURDAY, 5/18

• Brinkley Glen Park: Invasive Plant Removal. Join Master Gardener Volunteers at this weekly invasive plant removal event. This is a great way to learn to ID our invasive plant species and how to remove them. We recommend wearing long pants and sleeves, closed-toed shoes, gloves, a hat and mosquito spray. Bring gardening tools such as hand clippers, loppers, trowels, etc. if you have them. We are removing coral ardisia bushes and berries, nandina, tung trees, Tradescantia flumenensis, cat's claw vine, winged yam, Japanese climbing fern, skunkvine and more. Directions: The best way to get there is to take Meridian Rd to Waverly Rd, go to the next intersection and turn left onto Abbotsford Way, then turn left at the next road called Woodside Dr. At the stop sign turn left onto Lothian. Lothian ends in a cul-de-sac and there is a sign that says Brinkley Glen Park. 8:30am-11:30am
  
• Gamescape: Saturday Gaming. Gamescape has relocated from Railroad Square to the Huntington Oaks Plaza (Suite 302, next to the Library) at N Monroe St and Fred George Rd. Open gaming tables are available. Noon-6pm
  
• Duke’s and Dottie’s: Line Dancing Plus Lessons. 7pm/21+
  
• Bird’s Oyster Shack: Laughterday Night Fever. * Join us every Saturday at Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack for a free comedy show!* 8:30pm
  
• 926: Latin Night. Dance to the irresistible beats of Zeus and prepare to be dazzled by a spectacular drag show at midnight. It's more than a party, it's an experience. 9:30pm/$10 21+, $15 under 21
  

• Crawfordville: Big Bend Biodiversity Tour. See why our area is so ecologically incredible! Get up close and personal with creatures and plants galore. Join expert guide and outdoor educator, Ryan Means for this limited opportunity to tour the Apalachicola Lowlands Preserve. The day-long trip stops at points along the way to the privately-owned preserve nestled deep in the Apalachicola National Forest near Sumatra, FL. Explore the longleaf pine ecosystem, pitcher plant bogs, ephemeral wetlands, and blackwater streams - home to some threatened and endangered species. Learn what makes the Florida Panhandle one of the five richest biodiversity hotspots in North America. Perfect tour for photographers, outdoor enthusiasts and ecologists. $75 tour fee includes round-trip transportation (from 46 Kinsey Rd, Crawfordville, FL) , complimentary beverages, and supports efforts to preserve the incredible biodiversity of the Southeastern Coastal Plain. Spaces limited. Register here: https://coastalplains.networkforgood.com/events/71083-big-bend-biodiversity-tour for full details. 8am
  
• Dreamland BBQ: Rock Type One to None. Let's rock to find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes! The Unicorn Wranglers are back on Saturday, May 18th at Dreamland BBQ in Tallahassee, Florida for the 2024 "Rock One to None" show. This show is benefiting the Juvenile Diabetes Research Fund (JDRF) and will feature musical guests Midnight Caravan, Fallen Timber, and the Unicorn Wranglers. The show starts at 4 pm and runs until 7 pm at Dreamland BBQ in Music Alley, and is open to all ages. While the show is free, we encourage all rockers attending to donate to the cause. You can contribute at the show by visiting our donation station or by heading over to our online Unicorn Wranglers team page. Together, as one big mosh pit, we can help cure Type 1 Diabetes. 3pm
  
• The Hub at Feather Oaks: Ethan Kyllonen. 4pm
  
• Amicus Brewing: Beza Alford and Rev. Dr. Sheldon Steen. 5pm
  
• Lake Tribe: Flamingo Party. 6pm
  
• The Getaway Grille and Bar: Billy Rigsby Band. 6pm
  
• Vino Beano: Brett & "Dangerous" Dave. 6pm
  
• Salty Dawg: Hot Mess. 6:30pm
  
• La Tiendita: Rhys Bennett & the Gringos as Vontade. Join us for an energetic evening filled with the vibrant sounds of Latin music, Brazilian beats, and jazz rhythms. Our local band, Rhys Bennett & the Gringos, will transform into the versatile ensemble Vontade, treating you to a delightful mix of rancheras, bossa nova, and more! Whether you're a seasoned dancer or a newcomer to the dance floor, you're in for a fantastic time at one of Tallahassee's hidden gems. Immerse yourself in a night of cultural fusion and musical celebration that is sure to create lasting memories! 6:30pm
  
• The Sound Bar: Tillman & Taff. 7pm
  
• Island Wings: Midnight Caravan. 7pm
  
• The Bark: Saturnalia, Brass Wizard, Van Season, and Psycho Tropical. 8pm
  
• Fire Bettys: 80's Video Dance Party. 8pm
  
• Just One More: One Eyed JAK. 9pm
  

SUNDAY, 5/19

• Bicycle House: Sunday Ride. Ride at 10:30 AM from Bicycle House. We will ride the Cascades trail to the St Marks trail and down to Wakulla station and return, about 31 miles. Ride speed is 12 to 14 mph, with periodic regroups. Vernon Bailey is the ride leader. Vernon is a new CCC member who’s been biking for 50 years enjoys riding with small groups and weekend touring. 10am
  
• E Peck Greene Park (Behind the LeRoy Collins Library): Food Not Bombs Free Mealshare. We offer free vegetarian/vegan food, water, coffee, personal care & hygiene products, bus passes, and clothing when we have some available to those in need. Contact foodnotbombstally@gmail.com to find out about getting involved. Noon-2pm
  
• LeRoy Collins Library: Tallahassee Go Club Meetings. Come play the captivating ancient game of Go, also known as Baduk, with some friendly games and discussions. Beginners welcome. Visit https://www.tallahasseegoclub.com for more information. 1pm
  
• Gamescape: Pokémon League. Come learn, play, and trade with the Pokémon Trading Card Game and the Pokémon video games! We LOVE seeing new players, so come learn how to play! We play both the Trading Card Game and the Video Game casually and competitively. The store offers lots of different seating arrangements to meet our group's needs, as well as food, drinks, and Pokémon products for purchase. We are also hold regular, officially sanctioned tournaments for Pokémon Trading Card Game and Video Game Competitions! 2-4pm
  
• The Plant: Open Jam. All instruments, all players welcome. 4pm-9pm
  
• Pedro’s: Mariachi Clasico. 6pm
  
• Fermentation Lounge: Open Mic Night Hosted by Conor Churchill. 7pm
  

• Ology Powermill: Marauders Market. Noon
  
• The Hub at Feather Oaks: The Barber Bros. 1pm-4pm
  
• Goodwood: Ice Cream Social. Get ready for a spectacular day of family fun at Goodwood Museum & Gardens! Treat your taste buds to a family fun day of FREE ice cream, FREE crafts for the kids, FREE activities, and more, all on the beautiful Goodwood grounds. Family-friendly musical entertainment will be provided by The Safari Man, who will have everyone tapping their feet and dancing along to his whimsical tunes. 1pm
  
• Common Ground Books: Contemporary Queer Poetry Book Club: Time is a Mother. This month, we’ll be reading “Time is a Mother” by Ocean Vuong. “In this deeply intimate second poetry collection, Ocean Vuong searches for life among the aftershocks of his mother's death, embodying the paradox of sitting within grief while being determined to survive beyond it. Vivid, brave and propulsive, Vuong's poems contend with personal loss, the meaning of family, and the value of joy in a perennially fractured American spirit. The author of the critically acclaimed poetry collection Night Sky with Exit Wounds, winner of the 2016 Whiting Award, the 2017 T. S. Eliot Prize and a 2019 MacArthur fellow, Vuong writes directly to our humanity without losing sight of the current moment. Bold and prescient, and a testament to tenderness in the face of violence, Time is a Mother is a return and a forging-forth all at once.” 6pm
  

MONDAY, 5/20

• Just One More: Bingo. 5pm-6:30pm
  
• The Getaway Grille and Bar: Margarita Monday, Open-Mic Night hosted by The Saltwater Cowboy. 5:30pm-8pm
  
• American Legion Hall: Cha Cha - Weekly Lessons. 6:15pm/$5
  
• Hangar 38: Bingo. 6:45pm
  
• Vino Beano: Tipsy Trivia. 7pm
  

TUESDAY, 5/21

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour. 5pm
  
• The Getaway Grille: Tuesday Night Bikes and Trikes. 6pm
  
• Crafty Crab: BOOMIN' Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Gamescape: Hobby Night. Slay the grey together! Join your fellow gamers and turn your pile of grey miniatures into a battle ready army. Need some painting tips? Feel free to ask at hobby night. You can bring any miniature for any game to paint. 7pm
  
• Ology Midtown: Jazz Jam Sessions. 7pm
  
• Island Wings: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Brass Tap in Midtown: Trivia. 1st Tuesday of the month is General Knowledge with rotating themes the rest of the month. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Tuesday Trivia & Karaoke. 7pm
  
• American Legion Hall: Tallahassee Swing Band Tuesday Night Dance. 7:30pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Comedy Night. 8pm
  
• Poor Pauls: Trivia. 8pm/21+
  
• Blue Tavern: Bluesday Tuesday with Bill Ricci. Every Tuesday is Blues Day @ the Blue Tavern and Blues Meets Girl is a Tallahassee favorite. This perfect, intimate venue provides just what you need for both a mid-week break and authentic blues music experience. 8pm/$5
  
• 4th Quarter: Professor Jim's Tuesday Night Trivia. Popular for a reason! 8pm
  
• Argonaut Coffee: Trivia Tuesday. 8pm
  
• The Sound Bar: Karaoke. 8pm
  
• Fire Betty’s: Open Mic Comedy Night. 8pm/21+
  
• 926: Tacos and Trivia. 9pm
  

• Tallahassee Junior Museum: Basic Blacksmith Skills Program. Light your curiosity at our upcoming Basic Blacksmith Skills Program! Join our resident blacksmith, Michael Murphy, as he shares his history of being a Smitty. Participants will be able to keep the fire going, sling a hammer, and throw knives during this two hour lecture program. This is an outdoor event. Must preregister online at tallahasseemuseum.org/events. This program is free for members and regular admission price for non-members. 10am

WEDNESDAY, 5/22

• Sugar and Spice Tally: Game Night. Join us every Wednesday Night for community game night. Bring your own or use ours! Let me know if you need to reserve space for a large group. Free to attend! 5pm
  
• Goodwood: Wonderful Wednesday. 6pm/$5
  
• Level 8 Rooftop Lounge: Trivia. 6pm
  
• La Florida Coffee & Wine: Trivia Night. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Open Game Night. 6pm/free
  
• American Legion Hall: Sue Boyd Country Western and More Dance Class. Session 2 - Beginner 6:30 to 7:45 pm What: East Coast Swing and Waltz. Cost: $8.00 per person. Wear comfortable shoes you can turn in. 7:45 to 8:15 - Practice dance with paid admission. 8:15 to 9:30: Intermediate - 2 Step and WCS. $8.00 per person or $13.00 for both classes. Vaccines are required. Face masks are optional. Changing partners is optional. 6:30pm
  
• Perry Lynn’s Smokehouse in Quincy: Wed Night Open Mic w/ Steven Ritter and Friends. 6:30pm
  
• Hangar 38: Trivia. 6:45pm
  
• Proof: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Vino Beano: Wine Bingo. 7pm
  
• Fermentation Lounge: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Wednesday Open Mic with Doc Russell. The open mic night that has run continuously for almost 20 years, once housed at the Warehouse, lives on at the Blue Tavern. Doc Russell continues as the host with the most. Sign up starts at 7:45pm/free to attend
  
• House of Music: Bar Bingo! Free to Play & Late Night Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Fire Betty’s: Karaoke! 8pm/21+/free
  
• Dukes and Dotties: College Night and Line Dancing Lessons. 8pm
  
• Finnegans Wake: Trivia. 8pm
  
• The Sound Bar: Open Mic Night. 8pm
  
• The Bark: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 9pm
  
• Peppers: Karaoke. 9pm
  
• 926: Dragged Out Wednesday. 10pm
  

Kia Ora! Yeah, you should search what that means if you are interested in living in New Zealand.
This post is intended to give an overview on the migration process and further information about living in NZ. To avoid redundant and basic questions, read the information below before posting.

1. Where do I find information about my visa options? Explore Visa Options
2. Where can I find the visas that may allow me to live in NZ? Resident Visas
3. ​Where can I find the skilled occupation list? Check ANZSCO list
4. Where can I find the skill shortage list? Green List Roles
5. Where can I find the visa processing? Wait Times
6. What is the healthcare system? Healthcare
7. What is the school system? Education and schooling
8. Who is the tax authority? Inland Revenue
9. What government payments and services am I eligible for? Work and Income
10. What is the retirement scheme? KiwiSaver

Note that the links above are valid as of writing this post and rules may change from time to time.
Here are some posts that might help you if you are pondering on migrating.

• If you were to choose: USA, UK, Australia or New Zealand?
• New Zealand Working Holiday Visa (WHV) Tips
• Why is New Zealand not worth retiring into?
• Why is it hard to get residency in AUS/NZ?
• Has anybody successfully migrated to New Zealand? Share your story please!
• Migrated to NZ via student visa pathway. My experience.

Did you know that Australia and New Zealand have a special relationship with each other? It's called the Trans-Tasman Travel Arrangement.
Good luck on your journey!

I am writing a fic where narration will be a mix of scenes, flashbacks and letters exchanged between the characters. I am quite happy with this structure and the change of perspective that comes with it, so I don't plan to change this. However, this results in "chapters" that are of varying length, with scenes being anywhere between 1k and 4k words, or more, and some letters being as short as 200 words, and could not realistically be made any longer. I expect the fic to be around 40k in total. I have read that when posting on AO3, readers prefer a more even chapter length distribution, more on the longer side, therefore I'm worried that the structure of my writing would annoy some people. I have thought about grouping letters together to form one longer chapter. However it would not always work, because sometimes I only have a couple short messages between much longer scenes. Also, I was planning to use the chapter title to give context to the letters and scenes, for example: "Scene: New York, 3rd April 1994" or "Letter: Joseph to Margaret, Boston, 9th January 1995". Grouping letters together would make this impossible, or at least confusing. As a reader, how would you prefer to have this posted? Would it be fair, for example, if I decided to post every week, but made sure to post at least 2k words at a time, no matter how many chapters that would take if short letters are to be included? Should I make an author's note about this? Thanks a lot for your insights!

Considering my last two threads have been deleted because every seems to be confused at the advice I am asking for. I am going to try one last time.
I am a severely disabled man who currently live on his own, I currently claim UC + PIP. Living on my own is very difficult and I spend many hours layed on the floor unconscious. The doctor and my medical specialist know how serious my condition is and they are unsure of what help I can get.
I have asked the Jobcentre for help due to the severity of my condition and discussed my partner moving into the flat to help take care of me and to make our lives easier.
My partner is unemployed claiming UC living with their parents, they get £300 a month and due to the benefit cap, this amount would be reduced if we had a joint claim. I have a letter from the Jobcentre explaining this. I can't expect my partner to move in and live on less than £300, it's pretty much impossible.
I am not trying to circumvent any rules or break any rules or do anything illegal. Which is why I am here asking for advice on if there is anything else I can do, if there are alternatives to having a joint claim. Or if there are other benefits I can claim which would make this more possible. Are there any other benefits or care that I am entitled to, which could make this easier for me?
A few weeks ago, I collapsed onto my floor and laid their covered in urine and poo, for 19 hours whilst I waited for an ambulance to arrive due to how stretched the services are, then I spent over a week in hospital due to my condition. These things would be easier if I could have someone live with me.
My landlord has genuinely suggested splitting my flat into two properties and writing two separate tenancy agreements, all completely above board and legal. My landlord is very supportive of my condition and how difficult it has effected me. They have suggested something related to creating a flat with multiple occupancies, I know that students quite often share a flat but rent separate bedrooms on separate tenancies, this isn't illegal or against any rules.
I do not wish to have a joint claim due to wanting separate financial control. They need their money separate and so do i. They only seem to do split payments in special circumstances. When having a "joint" claim the money isn't specified on who's is who's and this could lead to arguments or stress. As I've said before I was disabled, both me and my partner earned money from our jobs and got paid separately this was considered normal.
I am not trying to break any rules or do anything illegal, I am just a disabled man looking for some advice and support, so I can have someone live with me so I can have a slightly more comfortable life living with my disability without laying on the floor covered in my own bodily fluids for hours.
Is there any advice or benefits or anything else we can do or try, or apply for?
Edit: I am not trying to commit benefit fraud or do anything illegal. The exact opposite.
If the ideas above aren't possible, could I move out and both of us then rent two completely separate flats next to each other?
Is it okay to find a way where we could live close together without breaking any rules? People think I'm trying to find a way around the rules I'm not. I understand you have to have a "joint claim" but I want to be able to live as close together as possible, without having to do that. It's not circumventing the rules, it's following them exactly as they're intended.
​

I am seeking advice on how to navigate a deeply painful situation in my marriage. My wife and I have been together for nine years, and intimacy has always been a significant challenge. As someone whose primary love language is physical touch, the lack of physical affection and sexual intimacy has been especially difficult for me.
Over the years, we have tried various approaches together to address our intimacy issues. I have been actively researching and proposing ideas and solutions, from understanding sex drives and libido to exploring ways to spice things up and relieve her stress through acts of service. Buying self-help books, erotic novels, and natural supplements are just a few of the many strategies we’ve explored in the last year alone. When these efforts did not lead to improvement, I suggested therapy as a next step, hoping it might provide deeper insights.
After starting therapy, my wife had a revelation. She now 'remembers' that she had a more active and fulfilling sex life with her exes and is interested in rediscovering this aspect of herself. She explained the constant, adventurous sexual experiences and the non-sexual intimacy, like kissing and cuddling all day, she enjoyed with her exes. This has been incredibly painful for me to hear, and I broke down crying at the time, as our relationship never reached that level of affection but I have always asked for and sought this type of affection between us.
Through therapy, she has come to believe that my attempts to solve our intimacy issues—such as suggesting different activities and solutions—actually repressed her sexually. This new perspective, encouraged by her therapist, has led her to resent me, feeling that instead of helping, I was part of the problem. She expressed a desire to explore her newfound sex drive but made it clear that she does not want to explore this rediscovery with me. Moreover, she has voiced concerns about our relationship's viability given the ongoing lack of intimacy, leaving me to infer that she might be considering alternatives without explicitly stating so.
7 days ago she presented me with a detailed 3300-word document listing numerous grievances about our relationship. She spent 3 months writing it. This document criticizes everything from my hobbies to my social habits and contribution to household chores. It feels like a rejection of all the efforts I've made, compounded by her newfound desire for intimacy that does not include me.
In her letter, she mentioned several issues that have contributed to her feelings:

• She felt pressured by my constant attempts to fix our intimacy issues, which she now believes repressed her sexually.
• She realised through therapy that she isn't 'broken' but felt sexually repressed due to our relationship dynamic.
• She feels emotionally disconnected and unsafe to express herself sexually with me.
• She noted specific grievances such as my criticism, lack of initiative in chores, and our differing values and interests.
• She highlighted her frustration with feeling blamed for our intimacy issues and my lack of reciprocal efforts to improve our relationship.

I want to clarify that some of these claims are unfounded. I have been trying to improve our relationship for the past ten years, constantly fighting for the intimacy she now craves. I do chores all the time and have always strived to be a supportive partner. It’s disheartening to be accused of not contributing or trying hard enough when I’ve dedicated so much effort to making things work.
Additionally, we have a two-year-old daughter, whom I love dearly. My wife believes that our daughter is not a reason to stay in a marriage that lacks intimacy, which is ironic given that I have been the one seeking intimacy for years.
In response, I've already begun doing a ton of self-reflection, I've nuked my social media accounts (this is now my only post and there is a chance she'll read it) to avoid distractions, making changes based on her list and started reading more books on intimacy to better understand how to address these issues. However, some changes are tied to deep-seated struggles I’ve faced my entire life. I’m committed to making changes but am unsure if I'm approaching them in the most effective way.
The expectation that I change everything about myself while my wife works through her emotions without making reciprocal efforts to meet my needs feels unfair. True partnership requires both of us to contribute to nurturing and healing our relationship. I am struggling with the feeling that while I am expected to transform, the efforts are not being matched.
I am at a crossroads, feeling blamed for trying to address our intimacy issues and now being rejected in favour of memories of her exes or fantasies of other people. I'm just so sad, frustrated, and stressed. How can I handle this situation? Is there any way to salvage our relationship, or should I begin to prepare for the possibility of separation?
Thank you for any guidance or perspectives you can offer.
TL;DR: My wife and I have been married for nine years and struggle with intimacy issues. Despite my efforts to improve our relationship, therapy led her to believe my attempts repressed her sexually. She now desires intimacy but not with me and presented a detailed list of grievances. I'm feeling blamed and rejected. Seeking advice on whether to salvage our marriage or prepare for separation.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I must be trans. I’m not yet 100% sure on the label ftm or transmasculine nb, but I feel like I will be in the near future. I’ve started seeking therapy and my therapist is more supportive than I expected - he has just listened to me talk about dysphoria and takes this seriously. In my country of residence I need a referral from my GP to an endocrinologist to seek HRT. The GP will tend to want some form of doctor’s note from a therapist - my therapist asked for my consent to write the diagnosis gender dysphoria on the note and I will give it to my GP tomorrow. This was much easier than I expected and all I will have to do tomorrow is ask for the referral…but I’m scared shitless. This goes as far as doubting I even am trans & seeing the diagnosis on that note just made me cry and then dissociate. Maybe this is just going too fast? I know there’s this age old problem of having medical staff not believe us, but I am afraid that I won’t even be believable. How do I go to my GP with confidence and convince them I would like to seek HRT? I would really love some words of validation and support if you have any! Thanks, Oliver :)

Updated with autopsy results.
Morphew Case Map - Google My Maps - Barry's iPhone Data - Google My Maps - Barry's Truck Events - Google My Maps
August 5, 1994 – Suzanne Moorman marries Barry Morphew The Alexandria Times-Tribune Alexandria, Indiana 05 Jan 1994, Wed • Page 4
December 1999 – Barry and Suzanne Purchase 26040 Cal Carson Rd, Arcadia, IN This is the house where he dug a hole in the yard and buried everything he didn't want to move to Colorado. (AA ft 55 page 53)
November 2013 – Suzanne Inherits $208,000 upon the Passing of her Mother. MB provided documents that Suzanne inherited approximately $208,000 in 2013 at the passing of her mother.
August 2016 – Suzanne inherits $217,000 upon the death of a grandmother. Suzanne’s grievance list included multiple references to Barry controlling the finances.
April 12, 2018 – The Morphew’s Purchase 19057 Puma Path Barry and Suzanne Morphew purchase 19057 Puma Path for $1,575,000.
June 1, 2018 – The Morphews move to Colorado. (PH – Harris) SA Harris: Yeah, they moved in 2018. I believe they left around June 1st, 2018. to move to Colorado. So roughly a year and a half of the time is what Sheila originally said in that.
September 2018 – Suzanne sends “Howdy stranger” message to JL First contact since high school.
Fall 2018 – Libler’s daughter sees messages from Suzanne on his phone. Libler breaks it off.
Thanksgiving 2018 – Barry obsessive/possessive. While Suzanne was at the Oliver’s house, she had stepped away from her cell phone to use the restroom, and Barry tried calling her several times within a few minutes, then tried calling Sheila, then tried calling Darin.
Holidays 2018 – Suzanne finds Libler’s LinkedIn Page. Relationship Rekindled
January 2019 – The Mexico trip where Barry took Suzanne’s phone Mexico trip mentioned in the grievances list where Barry took Suzanne's phone.
February 11 – 14, 2019 – Suzanne in New Orleans with Libler Barry admitted to questioning Suzanne about the New Orleans trip, further evidence he suspected the affair.
April 2019 – Suzanne meets up with Libler in Indiana She does not see SO on this trip.
July 2019 – Suzanne and Libler meet up in Michigan Barry called SO while Suzanne was in MI visiting her fatheJL, wanting to know why Suzanne wasn't returning his calls.
September 2019 – Barry stalks Suzanne and Shelia Oliver, creeping through woods. Barry stalked Suzanne and Sheila at the Puma Path house in September 2019. This is upon his early return from a trip to Arizona.
October 2019 – Libler and Suzanne in Dallas Suzanne and Libler spend two nights at the Galleria.
September – November 2019 – Barry aggressively pursues KW around Salida. From the first time KW met Barry, she said it felt like "he was putting his tentacles out."
Holidays 2019 – Suzanne and Libler stop talking on the phone because she is afraid Barry will find out. They shift to more covert ways to communicate. Barry's second device makes its first appearance.
January/February 2020 – Suzanne in Florida, gets spy pen, sees Libler Suzanne in Florida, SO gives her the spy pen during this trip. Suzanne records a conversation with Libler on this trip.
Late February 2020 – Suzanne in Florida, sees father and Libler. Suzanne skips out on time with her father to see Libler. Barry goes to Florida.
March 2020 – Spy pen records argument between Suzanne and Barry. “It’s money. It’s about money.” “… I have lived for years being told how I should feel, how I should act, how I should look, what I should drink, what I shouldn’t drink, what I should put in my body, what I shouldn’t put in my body … ”
March 20, 2020 – Jekyll and Hyde text exchange between Suzanne and SO, MM2 suggests restraining order. "It’s Jekyl and Hyde again … Pretty much told him I can’t be healthy and stay in this."
March 22, 2020 – Spy pen records Barry listening to Forensic Files episodes, call with Suzanne on drive to Pueblo Coincidentally one of the episodes involved a woman "disappearing" after a bike ride.
April 21, 2020 – Messages between Suzanne and Libler “I want to be with you,” “I can only be me with you,” I love you,” “I need you.” “You know I was born to love you.”
May 4, 2020 16:05 – Barry makes 3 second outgoing call to Suzanne This was the first logged call in Barry’s phone to or from Suzanne since February 7, 2020.
May 5, 2020 – Suzanne drives MM2 to Gunnison Suzanne drives Macy to Gunnison, CO to meet MM1 for a road/camping trip through Utah and Idaho with MM1's best friend.
May 6, 08:44 – Suzanne sends MM2 a text “Good morning! I miss you already!”
May 6, 10:13 – Suzanne: “I’m done. I could care less what you’re up to and have been for years.” From 14:43 to 17:00 Barry replied, “When I’m dead,” “Going to see my savior,” and “This life on earth is a mear (sic) grain of sand compared to eternity.”
May 6, 2020 – 14:43 – From Barry to Suzanne: “I’m sorry if things went the way they did. I have a problem dealing with the way you accused me of hiding checks. If you think I’m as terrible of a person to hide our accounts and have ones you don’t know about you don’t know me. All I do is for you and the girls. All. When I'm dead, which won't be long, you guys will be taken care of. Please stop being angry. If I can control my hurt heart I think I can overcome your distant unlovingness toward me. Honey, I swear it's the hardest thing I've had to do. I love you I always will.”
May 6, 2020 – 15:51 – Barry to Suzanne: “I promise you were wrong about all the crazy thoughts about me. I have always been faithful. Always. Why would I ever want another when I'm married to the most beautiful, sweet, kind, loving, woman as you? Only a fool would stray from an angel like you.”
May 07, 2020 – Suzanne messages Libler about how magical past days had been. Barry wants a new truck. 16:43 - “Been studying all afternoon. I’m gonna bike now. I’ve got veggie soup on for supper.”
May 7, 2020 – SB puts new tires on Suzanne’s bike Bike mechanic was interviewed by law enforcement.
May 7, 17:13:52 – Barry Works Out at GD’s House Truck log files place Barry at GD's home at 5:13 pm.
May 7, 2020 23:00 – “I finally got the job” text from MM1 goes unanswered. Q (Lindsey): Anything on May 6th that didn’t seem normal? Was there a text from Mallory to Mr. Morphew? A (Grusing): I believe that’s the night of May 7th. Mallory, Macy, and their friend Holly are out on a trip towards Utah and Mallory is sending pictures to both Suzanne and Barry but I was ... Read more
May 08, 07:03 – The Grievance List: Suzanne’s phone backs up a list of 50 reasons why she wanted to leave marriage on “Notes” Not safe alone with you. Can’t be trusted - Oppressive - Slam on brakes when angry - Threaten to jump out of car - Gun ...
May 08, 08:43 – “I will continue to do your invoicing when you need to.” "When FBI Agents showed Barry these texts during interviews in 2021, he said he did not think Suzanne was serious."
May 08, 09:28 – Suzanne texts sister about Barry’s abuse. “It’s hard dealing with the harsh abrasiveness and having to show respect. He’s also been abusive, emotionally and physically. There’s so much … I went thru a period of acceptance and I feel more angry now. Anger at what I’ve allowed.”
May 08, 10:55 Barry: “I Love You, Suzanne.” “But, in the afternoon, it (the text fight) was like it never happened. She texted me back and it was just like, ‘Hey, what time are you coming home? Hey, this or that. Just pick this up or pick that up.'”
May 08, 13:18 – Barry texts Salida Stove and Spa about getting the hot tub fixed. "Asking when he could come out to the home."
May 08, 15:43 – Barry’s iPhone receives an SMS message associated with the unknown device This second device was first used on November 30,2019 and was associated with Barry’s iPhone 91 times since then, compared to 1,701 associations with the primary User ID since November 2019.
May 8, 19:06 – Moonlight Pizza and Phone Calls Barry convinces Suzanne to meet him at the Tailwinds site before going to pick up Moonlight Pizza together.
May 08, 21:04 – 20 Facebook friend requests, 3 men named “Jeff.” Barry’s lurking at the River. Barry was asked about his phone pinging down by the river during the Facebook posts on Friday night and asked if he was outside. Barry said, “I could have been. I don’t remember. I chase critters around the house all the time.”
May 09, 00:02 – Incoming call on Suzanne’s phone (PH CAST) Incoming call on Suzanne’s phone (PH CAST)
May 09, 02:07 – Outgoing call on Suzanne’s phone (PH CAST) 02:07 am outgoing call on SM’s phone (PH CAST)
May 09, 06:00 – Barry’s phone received call (PH CAST) 06:00 am BM’s phone received call (PH CAST)
May 09, 06:46 – Barry’s phone registered “Power On” Comes out of Airplane mode.
May 09, 07:19 – Barry’s cell received signal (PH) Barry’s cell received signal (PH)
May 09, 07:22 – 07:39 – Barry at “Tailwinds” worksite Barry’s phone registered locations at his “Tailwinds” work site near Poncha Springs.
May 09, 07:35 – Suzanne texting SO Discussing Sheila's daughters wedding on Sunday.
May 09, 08:00 – MG was with Barry working on the rock beach site until 10am(?). Gentile: “He said that he had to go make the wife happy – do some hiking or biking.”
May 9 – Morning – Suzanne messaging Jeff “He’s still wanting Arizona.”
May 09, 09:50 – Barry to Suzanne: Want to go on hike? *Text Exchange\* Barry to Suzanne: Want to go on hike?
May 9, 2020 – 11:14 – Suzanne received a second password reset message from Facebook Previous reset was while Barry was down by the river on the evening of the 8th.
May 09, 11:15 est. – Barry tells Morgan Gentile he could “bury a body” and it “would never be found.” Gentile: “He seemed stressed. He definitely seemed weird on Saturday.”
May 09, 11:55 – Dead Turkey Hunt or Barry Takes Down His Trail Cameras Barry said he was looking for a turkey that Mallory had shot previously with a bow, but they had never found.
May 09, 13:35 – Barry leaves home again. Checked on job at Kim Gyms
May 9, 13:40(?) – Suzanne texts Libler Guess who is alone again?
May 09, 13:46 – Barry and the backhoe After texting, Barry drove by TK's house to see the backhoe, but did not get back in touch to buy it. In 2018, Barry used a backhoe to dig a large hole in his front yard, fill it with items to include furniture, and cover it over, planting alfalfa on top.
May 09, 13:51 – 14:13 – Barry at DSI, replacing Bobcat blade He was wearing a blue t-shirt and khaki shorts.
May 09, 14:03 – Suzanne sends sunbathing pic to Libler, last proof of life. “Well, look at her. She’s obviously drunk. Look at her eyes. Do you know what drunk eyes look like?
May 09, 14:11 – Suzanne sends last LinkedIn message to Libler: “I’m on wa.” Libler sent response messages at 2:39PM, 2:46PM and 2:47PM that Suzanne did not answer.
May 09, 14:26 – Barry texts Suzanne, “Done headed back.” He texted Suzanne that he was done and was headed home.
May 09, 14:31 – Barry texted Suzanne, “Did you leave.” At 2:31 PM, Barry texted Suzanne, “Did you leave.”
May 09, 14:39 – Libler messages Suzanne, she does not respond. First unread. Messages from LinkedIn show they were talking about how Suzanne is in love with Jeff before she went missing.
May 09, 14:43 – Barry’s phone and F-350, per telematics, arrive at the Morphew residence. "The photo is shown in the courtroom, Suzanne smiling. Truck GPS coordinates show Barry’s truck goes into park at 2:43:59. Phone coordinates show he walks around the house. You can hear a pin drop in the courtroom as tension is high." - Carol McKinley, PH Tweet
May 09, 14:44 – Shooting Chipmunks? Barry had a .22 in the moments when Suzanne ceased the communicate with everyone she loved in the world. Shooting Chipmunks? Barry had a .22 in the moments when Suzanne ceased the communicate with everyone she loved in the world. (See: https://www.reddit.com/SuzanneMorphew/comments/17lfboz/barry_and_the_chipmunks_aa_excerpts/ )
May 09, 14:46 – Libler messages: “Hey … your weather looks great” Second unread. No response from Suzanne.
May 09, 14:47 – Jeff sends another messages to Suzanne with no response. Third unread. Jeff sends last message if the day to Suzanne with no response.
May 09, 16:00 – 17:30 – Defense says Barry was at Salida Stove and Spa Salida Stove and Spa's posted hours have the store closing at 2pm on Saturday. Telematics show Barry's truck in his garage during the time he was supposedly at Salida Stove and Spa.
May 09, 16:44 – Barry parks his truck in the garage. Barry claims to have been loading his truck and cleaning off his workbench. (See: https://www.google.com/maps/d/edit?hl=en&mid=1FSqlFRrywR8FkytAYkNM-bdSxvKVK5MP&ll=39.173623131314%2C-105.63244&z=8)
May 09, 17:33 – Barry’s truck system manually rebooted Barry attempted to disable the trucks GPS and SYNC features.
May 09, 18:40, 18:46 – SO sends two Snapchats to Suzanne that were never opened SO sends two Snapchats to Suzanne that were never opened
May 09, 21:25 – Barry’s truck goes into reverse, backs 96.8 feet down driveway Barry backs 96 feet out of the garage.
May 09, 22:17 – Barry’s Phone Exits out of Airplane Mode Barry's phone comes out of airplane mode at the Morphew residence.
May 10, 02:53 – Outgoing call on Suzanne’s phone Possible glitch.
May 10, 03:25 – 03:48 – Barry’s truck door opened and closed "SA Hoyland noted over eighty events involving the F350 during this timeframe."
May 10, 03:58 – Barry’s phone moves from home to near where Suzanne’s bike found 3:58 am BM cell moves from home to near 225/50 where bike found Carol McKinley PH Tweets (read from bottom tweet up): 431 am 5/10 Barry’s phone goes back into airplane mode at the his home. 5:37 am – morphew turns into buena vista & heads towards broomfield. 538 he texts his mom “happy ... Read more
May 10, 04:10 – 04:23 – Last Activity from Suzanne’s iPhone Sergeant Mullenax asked dispatch to ping the number given for Suzanne’s cell phone. Dispatch informed Mullenax that the cell phone appeared to be off and last known activity was at 4:23AM on the present date, with a general location about 11.5 miles west of a cell tower in Poncha Springs, CO.
May 10, 04:32 – Barry’s Phone Goes Back into Airplane Mode Barry's Phone Goes Back into Airplane Mode
May 10, 04:32 – 05:14 – Chasing Elk, or Staging Evidence? Barry's trip to Garfield adds an approximate five miles each way to his morning trip, and places Barry and his vehicle in the direction the helmet was discarded - west from the bicycle.
May 10, 05:00 – Morgan Gentile Hears Barry’s Truck on Hwy 50 Gentile stated she did not see the truck but that his truck has a very distinctive exhaust.
May 10, 05:14 – 06:56 – Barry on the road to Broomfield. Barry phone exits airplane mode while heading towards Buena Vista, CO.
May 10, 08:10 – Trash Dump #1 – RTD Bus Stop Hwy 36 Agent Grusing: "Yes. He would have time -- with the passenger door opening and closing -- like it would say passenger door opened at 8:10:36 am and then passenger door closed at 8:12:13 am. So it took about a minute and a half and that trash can is only 10 to 15 steps away from where the truck was parked."
May 10, 08:14 – 08:20 Holiday Inn Express, Broomfield. Trash Dump #2 Grusing: "He said he parked there because he hoped someone would come out and he could go in the hotel before checking in and get a free breakfast." (Note: It was mid-COVID lockdown, building capacities were down to single digits.)
May 10, 08:41 – 08:46 – “I made it to Broomfield call me when you get a chance” Barry texts Suzanne.
May 10, 08:46 – Barry carries items into the Holiday Inn Express “If there’s clothes in my truck, there was probably old clothes I threw away.”
May 10, 10:06 – Barry exits hotel room. He's carrying a charcoal long-sleeved shirt, two white bags, and a pair of boots.
May 10, 10:20 – 10:41 – McDonald’s – Trash Dump #3 SA Grusing said Barry had a small item in his hand and used one arm to push it down, then both to push it further down as Barry was shown the photos.
May 10, 10:47 – 11:18 – Men’s Wearhouse Trash Dump #4 Barry was told he was there for about 40 minutes and asked if he remembered what he was doing there. Barry said, “I think I was still cleaning my truck, umm, yeah, yeah I mean, like I said, I just uh, I would, I was probably getting crap out of my truck like I said, which I’ve done my whole entire life.”
May 10, 11:18 – Barry calls MG "Barry called he was out of breathe (sic) panting but fatigue, kind a like hungover but he doesn’t drink, honestly when I hung up I thought to myself he sounded like he had the worst night of his life.” - MG
May 10, 11:23 – 11:36 – Barry back at the HIE Barry carries in disorganized papers in a binder. Carries out an organized binder.
May 10, 11:57 – 12:25 – Barry at the worksite Barry spent 28 minutes removing a few blocks from the wall.
May 10, 12:28 – 12:41 – HIE Trash Dump #5 A camera recorded Barry throwing away: a small item, one white trash bag, larger in size than the previous bags in one hand, a black container, along with a piece of clothing, possibly a camouflage coat.
May 10, 12:42 – 18:03 – Barry remains in his HIE room. ”At 3:30PM, Barry sent an outgoing message to Suzanne 'Call me'"
May 10, 2020 (Time Unknown) – Libler wishes Suzanne a Happy Mother’s Day Commented that it would be a hard day because she missed her own mother.
May 10, 2020 – 15:30 – Barry texts Suzanne from his hotel room. At 3:30PM, Barry sent an outgoing message to Suzanne “Call me”
May 10, 15:50 – 17:45 – Suzanne is discovered “missing” “I’m just so sad and REDCATED and I texted mom for Mother’s Day and she still hasn’t answered and I’m scared her and dad probably got in a big fight and I don’t even know it just made me want to be gone even more because I don’t want to be around them it hurts me and I know if REDACTED is working I might have to be home a lot more and it’ll probably be the worst summer of my life.”- MM2 text.
May 10, 17:55 – 19:10 – Barry leaving Broomfield 6:10 pm - Barry entered the lobby carrying two shovels and placed them beside the front desk. He made subsequent trips, placing more tools in the same spot.
May 10, 19:31 – Chaffee County finds the bike “Something is up with the front tire,” Deputy Brown
May 10, 20:42 – Barry arrives at CR 255 & US 50 "Barry is heard asking if deputies saw any “cats” on the road and a deputy says not recently."
May 10, 21:37 – CCSO Commander Avila brings Barry into the house for scent items. Barry does not call out or look for his wife in the home.
May 10, After 21:47 – Barefoot prints in the Bobcat Bucket Deputy Brown was walking in the driveway when Deputy Defurio told him that there were barefoot marks inside of the bucket on the Bobcat. Deputy Brown went with him to examine and found that the cutting blade on the bucket of the Bobcat appeared to be newly replaced, along with the nuts and bolts.
May 10, 22:00 – MG and JP smell chlorine and have the wrong tools in Broomfield. “It looked like Barry had removed top caps that was it. We also did not have the tools we need like a packer or gravel.”
May 11, 2020 – First Interviews, Puma Path Searched "On May 11, 2020, at about 7:00AM, Barry called Morgan and said that Suzanne was missing and he thought a mountain lion may have attacked her. Morgan explained that Barry was initially crying but then abruptly shifted to the specifics about the Broomfield job."
May 11, 2020 – 14:47 – Libler sends last message to Suzanne. Wishing her well for her scheduled final cancer treatment that day.
May 12, 2020 – 20:00 – Barry found digging in the trash at Poncha Market “He went to write down a description of maybe what she was wearing,” Butala said. “I just thought it was weird because he didn’t explain what the color of her eyes were or her hair or anything about her, like how tall she was or anything.”
May 13, 2020 – Deputy Carricato took photos of scratches on Barry’s left arm and hands. These injuries appeared to be healing, several days old scratches.
May 13, 2020 – Fundraiser created $33,552 raised
May 17, 2020 – 11:13 – Barry’s “plea” video is released on Facebook. “Oh Suzanne, if anyone is out there and can hear this, that has you, please, we’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back. We love you, we miss you, your girls need you. No questions asked, however much they want – I will do whatever it takes to get you back. Honey, I love you, I want you back so bad.”
May 19, 2020 – Interviews, Pneu-Darts, Range Rovers "CCSO Deputy Scott Himschoot was present during the search at 19057 Puma Path, in the laundry room, and was asked to collect a “pneu-dart box, empty,” one plastic hypodermic cover, one Pneu-dart book from safe in garage, one dart from box under bench in garage, among other items. The plastic cover was located by evidence search teams in the dryer, inside of the sheets belonging to REDACTED bed." (At some point we had confirmation of a to-do list Suzanne left including MM1s bedding in hopes that the older girls would spend the night. Cannot remember the source.)
May 20, 2020 – Spy Pen found. "The pen was located in a cloth bin amongst women’s bras. The cloth bin and pen were inside the walk-in closet in the master bedroom, located on the ground level of the residence. Detective Hysjulien located, with the pen, the controller and headphones for playback and a USB cable."
June 1, 2020 – Barry files for guardianship. Within a month of Suzanne’s disappearance, Barry began to liquidate assets.
June 1, 2020 – TD interviews Barry on camera. "So, uh -- we uh --. We had two daughters that were coming home from a trip. And I got a job in Denver that I wanted to get started on on Sunday. Set it up for my work because my rookies are coming in Sunday night. (Unintelligible) Monday but I, being the owner, I wanted to get everything lined up so that (Unintelligible).
June 6, 2020 – Barry closes on IN home. Pockets $750,000
June 25, 2020 – Barry purchases the Longhorn Ranch property for $165,000 Property Address 8366 LONGHORN DR
July 13, 2020 – Barry sells Suzanne’s Range Rover. Leaves Suzanne's sunglasses in the car.
Aug 20, 2020 – Lauren Scharf Interviews Barry “People don’t know the truth, so they’re gonna think what they’re gonna think.”
October 05, 2020 – Barry lists Puma Path home for sale. Originally listed for $1,759,000.
November 2020 – Barry Commits Voter Fraud Barry filled out Suzanne's ballot and mailed it in.
February 17, 2021 – Barry Sells Longhorn Ranch property for $150,000 A $15,000 loss. Same property sold on 04/21/2021 for $175,000, indicating Barry needed the money fast.
March 3, 2021 – 19057 Puma Path sells for $1,625,000. Barry and Suzanne Morphew purchased the home on April 12, 2018 for $1,575,000.
May 4, 2021 – Warrant Issued for the Arrest of Barry Lee Morphew CRS/CHARGE: 18-3-102 (1), (a) Murder in the First Degree, a class 1 Felony, 18-8-610. Tampering with Physical Evidence, a class 6 felony, 18-8-306, Attempt to Influence a Public Servant, a class 4 Felony.
May 5, 2021 – 09:15 – Barry Lee Morphew Arrested for the murder of Suzanne Renee Moorman Morphew "Morphew was arrested around 9:15 a.m. on Wednesday, May 5 near his home in Poncha Springs. FOX31 News has obtained video of the arrest, which shows his truck stopped on the side of the road near several police vehicles. He can be seen standing just off the road with an officer." AA: https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21065843-21cr78-morphew-redacted-affidavit
August 9-12, 2021 – Preliminary Hearing. Day One: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15wZ86C3zQ6kh9VGOUCJcr0ipCoFeaXkdowmwyaruiIQ/edit?usp=drive_link
Day Two: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QKa1jcH2dAqe9Wezew-KbLCDuicrm1HgfwC4oGwM8Dg/edit?usp=drive_link
Day Three got corrupted so it's gone.
People's exhibit images: https://imgur.com/a/hgvlBUt Defense exhibit images: https://imgur.com/a/VC3ZfUZ
April 19, 2022 - Case against Barry Morphew Dismissed Without Prejudice. Prosecution asked for the case to be dismissed.
May 2, 2023 – Barry files $15,000,000 lawsuit against Chaffee County, et.al. https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/barry-morphew-lawsuit/73-3cea50c2-cdae-4338-8de9-9e113d33db6c
May 8, 2023 – Fraud Lawsuit filed against Barry in Indiana. Property dispute. https://denvergazette.com/news/courts/barry-morphew-sued-fraud-allegations-land-dispute/article_1c7cd90e-f4f5-11ed-9778-47c9c303d16d.html
September 22, 2023 – Suzanne's Remains Found Near Moffat in Saguache County While SCSO was searching for another (unrelated) missing woman. https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/suzanne-morphew-remains-found-colorado-missing-mother-barry-chaffee-county-disappearance/
Sept. 27, 2023 – Autopsy Completed. Awaiting Toxicology. https://cbi.colorado.gov/news-article/suzanne-morphew-autopsy-results-cbi-update-0https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/autopsy-complete-remains-missing-colorado-mom-suzanne-morphew/
April 29, 2024 – Toxicology finds BAM in Suzanne's bone marrow. “Homicide by undetermined means in the setting of butorphanol, azaperone, and medetomidine intoxication.” https://www.scribd.com/document/727780041/Suzanne-Morphew-autopsy-results https://www.cpr.org/2024/04/29/suzanne-morphew-died-by-homicide-with-tranquilizer-chemicals-present-in-body-according-to-autopsy-report/
Complete Case Overview (Official News Reports and Documents)
What Suzanne Left Behind (PH Exhibits)
Suzanne's Texts with SO Sept 2019
Barry's Unstableness: Suzanne's Text Conversion with SO September 1 (PH Exhibits)
Where was Barry on the 9th - Preliminary Hearing Exhibits
Barry and the Chipmunks (AA Excerpts)
Barry's dirty truck and poorly maintained rifle. PH Exhibits
Suzanne's Last Days - Timeline - May 4th - May 9th, 2020
Barry Buries a Body - May 10th, 2020 - Timeline
Barry Busy in Broomfield Part One (Preliminary Hearing Exhibits)
Barry Busy in Broomfield Part Two (PH Exhibits)

This was my response to the charge:
I am writing in response to the receipt of a “TFL Verification Letter” dated‬ ‭ 18.03.24 which brings the accusation of Fare Evasion committed on 16.03.24 against me. In this letter, I‬ ‭ wish to outline my acceptance of the named offence, as well as provide reasons why TFL should decide‬ ‭ against prosecution.‬ ‭ I would first like to offer a full apology to the Transport Support & Enforcement officers whom I‬ ‭ encountered in the early morning hours of 16.03.24. I wholly acknowledge that my actions concerning a‬ ‭ lack of initial compliance caused stress and confusion to these workers and accept their use of force to‬ ‭ detain me. However, it is to be noted that I am not a regular user of TFL as I do not reside in Greater‬ ‭ London. Therefore, this confrontational experience, at the time, appeared new and intimidating to me,‬ ‭ ultimately resulting in my flight down the escalators in a state of panic.‬ ‭ Reviewing the events in hindsight, I can unequivocally state that I would not have attempted to evade the‬ ‭ officers or even the fare, if my rational thinking on the night was not hindered by a degree of intoxication.‬ ‭ I have only recently turned 18 years of age, am still in full-time education, and hence unemployed,‬ ‭ looking to begin university in September. I hope that during the processing of this case, it is taken into‬ ‭ account that this is my first offence for any public transport violation and that once apprehended, I did not‬ ‭ try and hide my identity from the officers and fully complied with their demands.‬ ‭ Please do not hesitate to contact me on this email if you have any further inquiries.
This was the charge in question:
On 16/03/2024 At Oxford Circus Where the entrance to or exit from a platform or station is via an automatic ticket barrier did enter or leave the station, except with permission from an authorised person, without passing through the barrier in the correct manner
Contrary to byelaws 9(2) and 23 of the Transport for London Railway Byelaws made under paragraph 26 of Schedule 11 to the Greater London Authority Act 1999 and confirmed under section 67 of the Transport Act 1962.
Any advice? The website says I might receive a criminal record?
Thanks

Hy,
I help Business Customers to configure and offer Free WiFi's in their Shops and Offices as well as in other Locations. Now I had a few Businesses that got "Cease and desist"-Letters. This is (understandably) not nice and some are now thinking about stopping to offer Free WiFi.
To circumvent this, my Plan is to use a Hetzner-Rootserver, to route all the Traffic over it, so if there are such Letters, I will get them and can solve/dispute them, because (at least in Germany) they can write such a letter and I - as Provider - then in some cases have to block specific Websites or IP's if necessary and appropriate, but I am not liable for the Damages a user caused.
​
Now to my question, how does Hetzner handle this kind of Letters/inquiries?
​
Cheers,
Ben

This is almost a month late! It's taken time to reflect and collect my thoughts, as well as rewrite this 50 times over*! There's a blog post about it with pictures and maps for those interested. Apologies if I'm not allowed to post links!
* see one of my lessons further down about over thinking of things!

TL;DR

This is THE race I have been trying to run for years, and when it finally came, it didn’t disappoint despite a sub-par performance on the day. I accomplished most of what I set out to achieve, and had an amazing day.

Goals

1. 3:20:00 - Fail
2. 3:30:00 - Fail
3. 3:40:00 - Pass
4. Bonus: Experience it - Pass
5. Bonus: Raise money for WWF - £800+

Results

Time: 3:38:21
Position: 12,670/ ~50,000+ (masses)

Report

It was a bright and sunny, but bitterly cold morning. Wind chill was around 0°C. As I threw off my warm layers, and approached the starting gate, I was at the peak of my anxiety. It had been building for days, probably weeks. Finally, I was only metres from the London Marathon start line and everything I had been working towards over the last 4 months was finally being released. The emotion was palpable. Tears moistened my eyes briefly . I could feel the stress starting to evaporate as I crossed the start line. I knew that this was it. Everything I had trained for, everything I had read and learned all needed to be implemented to the letter if I was to get my marathon PB.
3 hours, 38 minutes and 21 seconds later, I was crossing the finish line without a PB. My anxiety and nerves had been replaced with elation and exhaustion. There was pain and nausea mixed with joy and pride. I had a London Marathon medal around my neck finally! There was a tinge of regret that I didn’t get my PB, but after the last few hours, I was more than happy to have made it to the end, and done it in a good time.
The last few hours had been a rollercoaster of emotions. The whole of London had come out along with my family. This was London on one of it’s best days. But it hadn’t all been smooth sailing.
As I had stumbled over the finish line the first thing I wanted to do was stop, lie down and try not to be sick. I’d spent the last 10km struggling hard when my legs just ran out of energy. I hadn’t been topping up with gels since around 25km after getting at stitch, whilst simultaneously feeling sick and hungry. I didn’t have any reserves left in my legs and kept having to stop, stretch and walk. The support kept me going. Incredible crowds kept me going. “Go on Carl. Keep going!”. High fives kept me going! Knowing I had family out there supporting me kept me going, and having people who had made charity donations on my behalf to the WWF kept me going.
But where did my energy go? This all comes back to the anxiety that had been building over the last few days and weeks. From the Wednesday my appetite had just fallen off a cliff. When I did eat, it was just butterflies and they have next to no carbs! I always get race nerves, but that’s normally on the race morning so it doesn’t really affect the carbo-loading during the previous days.

Let's go!

The start went perfectly. I had said to myself, run the first third with my head, the second with my legs and the third with my heart. I didn’t go off too fast, in-fact I had stuck almost exactly to the 4:44/km pace I needed despite the long downhill in the first few km.
I was actually having fun. High fiving all the kids! Enjoying the atmosphere. It was busy on and off the course. there was almost a fun run atmosphere. It didn’t feel like a race, and my legs felt really good. By the time I arrived at the Cutty Sark, 10k in, I felt like everything had bedded down and I was just gliding along. The only issue at this point was my vest starting to rub, but that wasn’t anything to worry about. Somewhere in the crowds was my wife, Shadia, cheering me on but it was that busy I didn’t see her.
At almost the half way mark, is one of the iconic landmarks on the course, Tower Bridge. I got my phone out to take some photos and was surprised to find myself heading up hill. It’s probably the first uphill on the course that’s noticeable and by the time I was halfway across my HR was in the red zone, but I didn’t really notice until after because the crowd here were electric, and the backdrop was incredible. The course narrows over the bridge as you pass under the iconic towers, and on each side there’s people 5 deep cheering everyone on.
Then before you know it, you’ve crossed over and started towards Canary Wharf. I hit the half way mark with a 1:41:55. I was a little behind target, but my pace was good and I had just ran one of my top 5 half marathon paces. On the other side of the road, the pros flew past which was awesome to see and really makes it feel like a big event being on the same course as olympians and world record holders. They have a head start, so it’s not really fair!
It had all being going well, until it wasn’t. As I got towards 25/26km I started to get the sense that the easy bit was over. It started with a stitch, which meant that I just couldn’t keep up the pace. I put this down to 2 things. Coke, and shortbread. Since I hadn’t managed to carbo-load due to the anxiety over the previous days, I had decided to nibble some shortbread all morning before the start in an attempt to gain some energy. Likewise, before the race I’d needed a drink, and my thoughts went straight to something with sugar. Coke. Now a combo of carbonated sugar, and Scottish biscuits were enacting their revenge!
After backing off the pace somewhat, the stitch mostly went away, but I didn’t want it back, and made the mistake of stopping eating my energy gels or drinking much water. About 5km later, in the low 30km range my pace started to fall away from me. People say that the halfway point in a marathon is about 30km. I now understand why. The last 12km felt like more effort than the first 21km. Every time I looked at my watch I could see my pace dropping and felt my PB attempt slipping though my fingers. I would slow, then a dinosaur or a seagull would overtake me and it would spur me on for 500m, then I’d slow and someone would yell “Go Carl” and it would be another 300m or so.
Even when I arrived at Big Ben and I knew it was 1km to go, it felt like an almost insurmountable task. Flashing back to October last year and the Chester Marathon, the last 1km had been hard, but I still had something in the tank. This was just running on fumes. The only thing I didn’t want to do was to walk that final bit. I could see my time was now looking nearer to exceeding 3:40 and if I walked then my final target would have been missed. I just had to grit my teeth and slog on.
400m to go and it was “just one loop around a track”. That felt like a big ask, but I forced myself with all my remaining effort not to slow or walk. Finally rounding the corner in front of the palace with about 200m to go, the finish line appeared into sight. Can I summon up a sprint finish? No. not even a slight uptick in pace. That’s how empty my tank was. Just put one foot in front of the other and reel it in and try not to trip over the timing mats at the finish line. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it was over. LonDone! Someone placed a medal around my neck and I finally the magnitude of what I’d done finally struck home “I’ve got a London Marathon medal. I’ve actually got one. Wow.”
Almost immediately as I finish, Shadia called me to try and meet up. I’m trying to explain where I am and how we can meet but my brain just doesn’t have the ability. It’s a mess.

It’s hard to describe to someone how f**ked you feel when you finished something like a marathon. It’s not like being tired from doing a 5K when you start out running. It’s not like your first 10K either, or even a half marathon. Your body is just exhausted. Every muscle aches. You have no energy. After 30km your energy supplies have dwindled and you are left tired and broken.

Eventually Shadia gets some sense out of me and we try to figure out a place to meet. A bit dazed and confused I shuffled off towards blankets, Lucozade and the exits. It’s busy, so we change the plan a few times, finally ending in Charring cross for a celebratory beer, before heading back to base. And with that, the London Marathon is done.

Route

It's a pretty well known route (see my linked post for the route map)

Kit

• WWF Vest
• Salomon Running Vest
• INOV-8 Race shorts
• Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next% 2
• Darn tough socks
• Garmin HR Pro band
• Garmin Epix 2
• Shockz OpenRun headphones
• Salomon 500ml bottles (water)
• SiS energy gels (various flavours)

Lessons

Post race I jotted down my thoughts in a mind-map so I could quickly explore how things went. This isn't something I have tried before, but it worked really well to quickly surmise the whole event, training and experience of the London Marathon.

Nutrition and energy

My fuelling pre race, was s**t. I know this. I should have been aiming for 600-700g of carbs a day from the Wednesday onwards and failed hard. This hit me hard in the race. that was the fabled wall. There’s nothing more to say about this.
There’s 2 things I’m looking at to fix this. Other types of gel. Energy drinks on the days leading up to it. I think I can handle them despite the anxiety and it’s a good way to load up some carbs at least!

Training plan and goals

I set out in January a goal to beat my Chester PB of 2023. 3:32:36. For Chester I had done no specific training, although I already had a regime with a lot of base (Z3) runs, ParkRun’s ran as races most Saturdays and a long run each week, with a few bing half marathons. There were about 2 30km+ runs over the 4 months before. I was probably averaging 50km per week.
For the London Marathon I started training on the first of January, following my Garmin Epix’s suggested runs. This pushed me pretty well, and was a good mix of long, hard and easy runs. The problems with this arose when Idris went back to nursery and the germs got him! That meant rubbish sleep, and the suggested runs tried to be nice, which meant it was all short and easy.
I started looking at a range of plans which could push me hard enough, whilst also not taking up every waking hour with running. I can’t remember now, because I didn’t write it down, but the closest I got was Jack Daniels advanced or Pfitz 12/50, but both of these still weren’t quite a good enough match, so the only option was to roll my own.
This boiled down to a simple plan:

• Monday: Z2 / Recovery
• Tuesday: Sprints / hills
• Wednesday: Z2 / Recovery
• Thursday: Threshold or intervals
• Friday: Z2 / Recovery
• Saturday: Long run at base, increasing to 33km
• Sunday: Base

Most runs ended up being around 10k in length apart from the long runs. I also dropped ParkRuns on a Saturday so that I could focus on the sprints/intervals and long runs without being too knackered. From February my long runs were around 21km, but during March I started to push these to 33km. All the time this was going on, my predicted Marathon time was improving from low 3:30s towards the low 3:20s. So far so good.
Because of this shift in my predicted time I changed my goal from beating my PB, to going for 3:20. This was probably a mistake, and I should have looked at RunAlyze’s predicted time which takes into account weekly mileage and longest runs over the period. It turned out to be more accurate. I think if i’d gone out of the gate slower, or dropped my pace and continued fuelling when the stitch arrived I wouldn’t have hit such a wall and missed my PB. Lesson learned.

Anxiety and stress

I over think. A lot. Not being at home the lead up added to my stress. Travelling down a few days before and trying to incorporate sightseeing really didn’t help. Add into the mix, trying to do sightseeing with family and help coordinate where to watch was probably the another nail in my PB attempt.
One other aspect around this event was the historic significance of it to me. My previous job, starting 15+ years ago, had revolved around the London Marathon like the earth around the sun. It was seen as one of the pinnacles of the road race calendar. Back then I didn’t even run, but a large part of me started running due to this. Because of Realbuzz I ran my first half marathon and for years I have tried, and failed, to get on to the London Marathon, so to finally be able to run it, and to be in a position where I can run it well (pushing for a PB) was a lot of self inflicted pressure.
My solution is to more races of a big nature. Keeping me out of my comfort zone can only help me get used to it. Mixed in with better planned travel/sightseeing and I might just be race ready. I hope so, because I’m signed up to Chester and Yorkshire marathons in October already!

Fundraising

Remember when you were a kid and did charity fundraising for 5p a length of the pool, or something like that! Well, I hadn't really done any since then. When I signed up for the London Marathon to raise money for the World Wildlife Fund it was always something I kept pushing back to do later. I was a little nervous to ask for donations. When my WWF vest arrived, I knew it was time to grow up and just ask.
The reality is that you have to pester people. Some will love your cause, or your dedication and other’s not so much. You’ll get something from someone and then the ball is rolling. The lesson is, do it ASAP so you have time to ask again, and again in different ways.
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Carl-Topham
Thanks to every who donated, liked and shared my campaign. As one UK supermarket says… every little helps.

Miscellaneous

I’ve always been worried about running out of water. That was never going to happen if I’d looked at the route maps. Every 5km is plenty. I ran with a vest so I could carry 1 litre of water! That’s excessive and caused my running vest to rub and then bleed. This wasn’t a show stopper until a few days after, but unless I’m out on the trails, or self supporting, then a smaller waist pack should be enough.

It’s not all bad

Family support throughout my training and accommodation for my long runs especially from Shadia. They’ve been flexible and allowed me to have time to do what I needed to do which has massively helped.
In the last month or so I started to add in some strength training. Mainly press ups and sit ups with some stretching also. Unlike last years Chester marathon, it may have contributed to me being able to continue running only days after. Chester crippled me for over 2 weeks.

Final thoughts

I’m doing it again, somehow, some day. While it was a very hard day, especially the second “half”, the sheer atmosphere and emotion just made it epic.
This was THE race for me. While I didn’t get the result I wanted to, it was an incredible, enjoyable experience that I already look back on with fondness and pride. I think there are some valuable lessons to take away from it which I can apply already so hopefully this will be a notable stepping point in my running achievements.This is THE race I have been trying to run for years, and when it finally came, it didn’t disappoint despite a sub-par performance on the day. I accomplished most of what I set out to achieve, and had an amazing day.

Questions about stat decs and de facto
Hello! I have a few questions. Me (Aussie citizen) and parter (UK on WHV in aus) are in the process of collecting our documents for 820 application.
Question 1: do stat decs need to be less than 6 weeks old when submitted in the application? - we have one from our old boss stating that we lived together in work accommodation but it’s from September 2023 signed by a local nurse and we are applying in September 2024- so it’s a year old. Is that okay, or does he need to do a new one just before we apply?
Question 2: how can we prove we live together other than just stat dec from company manageowner? - We both live on an island (in a couple room together) through work accommodation for over 12 months. We don’t pay bills only rent that comes out of our individual payslips. Due to the nature of the place we live, postal service was not available in the first 6months so we did not list it as our address and instead both got stuff sent to my parents house (which we could collect when we visited them). Once postal services commenced we got mail to the island again. Long story short- we’ve both received mail to the same address but to different addresses at different times that doesn’t match up with where we were living. I’m just worried this is confusing and I don’t know how to explain it to a case officer but we really need the mail as proof of shared residency. My drivers license and passport has my parents home address which doesn’t help either. How else can we prove we live together without lease or bills? I love our lifestyle but it’s not normal so much harder to prove
Question 3: did you write your statements (say for nature of household or commitment etc) on a stat dec? It doesn’t really have much room on the paper to write details? Do u type it directly into text box on the application or just all attachments formatted as a ‘presentation’ of sorts with photos and highlighting?
Question 4: can we apply for a double grant? Defacto start date 30 Jan 2023, so been living together for 20 months. I know the requirement is 3 years but it’s discretionary? Could we ask nicely in the cover letter? Or is that ridiculous
I just keep reading so much conflicting information that I feel like I am starting from square one again!

Hello! I have a few questions. Me (Aussie citizen) and parter (UK on WHV in aus) are in the process of collecting our documents for 820 application.
Question 1: do stat decs need to be less than 6 weeks old when submitted in the application? - we have one from our old boss stating that we lived together in work accommodation but it’s from September 2023 signed by a local nurse and we are applying in September 2024- so it’s a year old. Is that okay, or does he need to do a new one just before we apply?
Question 2: how can we prove we live together other than just stat dec from company manageowner? - We both live on an island (in a couple room together) through work accommodation for over 12 months. We don’t pay bills only rent that comes out of our individual payslips. Due to the nature of the place we live, postal service was not available in the first 6months so we did not list it as our address and instead both got stuff sent to my parents house (which we could collect when we visited them). Once postal services commenced we got mail to the island again. Long story short- we’ve both received mail to the same address but to different addresses at different times that doesn’t match up with where we were living. I’m just worried this is confusing and I don’t know how to explain it to a case officer but we really need the mail as proof of shared residency. My drivers license and passport has my parents home address which doesn’t help either. How else can we prove we live together without lease or bills? I love our lifestyle but it’s not normal so much harder to prove
Question 3: did you write your statements (say for nature of household or commitment etc) on a stat dec? It doesn’t really have much room on the paper to write details? Do u type it directly into text box on the application or just all attachments formatted as a ‘presentation’ of sorts with photos and highlighting?
Question 4: can we apply for a double grant? Defacto start date 30 Jan 2023, so been living together for 20 months. I know the requirement is 3 years but it’s discretionary? Could we ask nicely in the cover letter? Or is that ridiculous
I just keep reading so much conflicting information that I feel like I am starting from square one again!

Hi, I am currently studying abroad in Spain and gearing up for finals. The way school works here is that you do fuck all for the entire semester and then your final exam grade is your entire grade in the class. I'm also taking all my classes in Spanish as a not 100% fluent speaker. Needless to say I'm not expecting stellar grades this sem. I've already confirmed that they will not factor into my undergrad or LSAC GPA (because I've been at this uni less than a year and the grades are on a 1-10 scale, not a letter grade), BUT how screwed am I if they see a couple barely-passing grades on my transcript? There's also a non-zero chance that I fail a class or two... what then? I've gotten straight A's at my school in the States, so should I write an addendum? Thanks!!!