Need some unbiased advice. I have been in my current position for 5 years - hybrid inpatient/outpatient specialty. Overall it’s a good gig. My attendings are excellent, and I get along well with most of our office staff. I have a solid pallet of patients who would be sad to see me go. Pay is good, though I haven’t gotten a raise in 2 years and recently submitted for one. Status on that is still pending.
My main problem is with administration, and unfortunately they are the ones I ultimately report to and who control my schedule. Two people: our office manager & our lead APP who is basically admin as well. Office manager treats APPs like staff - she starts changing around our clinics without even giving us opportunity for input. We have heard about changes from our MAs sometimes prior to the office manager actually telling us directly. Lead APP - I don’t trust her as she has made several promises over the course of the last 2-3 years, none of which have been kept. Additionally protocols that she implemented 2-3 years ago, were switched without clear reason. What do all the changes result in? More work for APPs, exempting the lead who is in admin. The office manager is likely going to get promoted & someone new will take her place within the next 3-6 months. The lead APP is not going anywhere (she makes close to 180k to do a couple clinic days and then take meetings from home or wherever she wants the rest of the week).
I don’t see the administrative side getting better, in honesty. As much as I love my attendings and the people I work with, I keep considering leaving. I don’t trust that more won’t continue to be added to my plate, and I am already doing the jobs of 2 APPs when you compare what I do to other APPs in the system. That said, I don’t discount how difficult it is to find the type of supervising MD-PA relationships I’ve been able to have here.
Is this a hill worth dying on? Would you recommend leaving even if everything other than admin is good? Or would you say to suck it up and make do, cause admin is the same everywhere & it’s harder to find good attendings? TIA

“And for the missing person reports that date back many years, police still have not found any leads to the odd disappearance of multiple people around our little town of Welks, Utah. If police find any new leads, I, Nathan White, will be the first to give you the news.” Nathan White is a small town reporter who is finishing up his final words of the day's news. Charlie Akins, Nathan’s colleague and long time friend is manning the camera. Nathan is your typical guy who never gives up and has the determination of a beaver building its dam. He will take any story he is given and will do his best to make it the best. Charlie on the other hand is about as outgoing as a sloth and so paranoid he can’t go anywhere without thinking the worst, but will never leave his friend’s side. Soon after the two wrap up, Charlie gets a call from their boss who claims to have a new story they could cover. Nathan places their gear in the news van as Charlie walks over. With the way Charlie nervously walks over, Nathan knows something is odd. “So what’s the deal? We got a story or what?” Charlie gets in the driver seat of the van without saying a word and Nathan quickly follows, getting into the passenger seat. As Charlie begins driving, he tells Nathan what their boss had spoken to him about. An old abandoned government facility sits out in the farthest outskirts of the town. It’s in the shape of a dome that’s large enough to house an entire town. There’s no records of anyone ever entering the facility since the 50’s and no one seems to know what it was for. Only thing anyone knows, or suspects, is that it may be cursed or haunted as people who have ever been near it claim to hear screams and voices coming from within. Charlie is hesitant of even the thought of covering the story but continues to drive assuming Nathan will be intrigued. Charlie was correct, of course, as Nathan quickly calls their boss to inform him that they’re checking it out. Without question, Charlie continues driving until they are so far out that Welks is completely out of sight in the rearview mirror. They eventually see a large structure in the distance that they quickly realize is the center of their new story. “Holy shit, Charlie! I’ve never seen this place before and just… Wow,” Nathan says excitedly. “Nathan, I don’t know about this one. Something seems off. Even the boss seemed hesitant to tell me about this place,” Charlie responds. “Come on, Charlie. We’ve always wanted to cover a GHOST STORY.” “No, YOU have always wanted to cover a ghost story. I’ve always wanted to get the hell away from every single person I come in contact with and sleep in my bed.” “Don’t do me like that.” “You know I’ve got your back through thick and thin, Nate. But I’ve seriously got a bad feeling about this one.” “I know but come on, serious-... ly…” Nathan is awestruck by the sight of a large sign on the outer brink of a long driveway leading to the entrance of the dome. The sign reads:
RESTRICTED AREA
ENVIRODOME “WE EXPERIMENT FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR PEOPLE”
SPECIAL ACCESS IS NEEDED BEYOND THIS POINT
Although it was obvious by the city-sized dome in the middle of the desert, this sign fully confirmed they were in the right place. They continue down the driveway until they finally reach a parking lot that lies in front of the only noticeably cube-like design of the entire facility. The parking lot was small, or at least it seemed that way based on how huge the building was. Nathan and Charlie assumed it would be glass, but instead, the decrepit building, now known to be The Envirodome, was made of a strong thick, yet rusted metal. They realized this was most likely by design considering the people who created it wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know what went on inside. Almost the entire building was covered in a thick layer of vines except for the front door. The doors at the entrance were oddly only covered in smaller vine growth that was far more fragile than the rest. Charlie parks the van as an awestruck Nathan barely waits for him to stop and exits the passenger side. Charlie hesitantly follows suit. Nathan reaches the double entrance doors and rips away the vines. He quickly finds the handle of the right door and much to his surprise, it cracks open. “Ooh spooky,” Nathan jokingly says to Charlie. “Shut up,” Charlie snaps back. As Nathan and Charlie open the large metal door and walk inside, they find far more than, yet somehow everything, they had expected. The duo walk inside only to find an entire small community within. Businesses, homes, trees and more fill the miles long dome in all directions, seemingly to no end. “There’s a whole damn town in this place?! How the hell did not a single person know this existed,” Charlie exclaims out of pure shock. “Dude… How the fuck am I suppose to know? That’s why we’re here, remember? To cover the story of this place and get it out to the people…” Nathan sarcastically snaps back. Charlie, nervous as all hell, ignores Nathan as they continue forward in the hopes to find information on this place somewhere inside. They don’t even reach but about 10-15 feet inside before the door slams shut behind them and locks itself into place. Once fully locked, the doors start to change as if there was never a door or wall there at all. It quickly changes into a hyper-realistic hologram of more trees and roads. Soon enough, it looked as if an exit never even existed. Nathan quickly realizes that there seemingly are no walls in any direction. However, realistically and logically, there must be dead ends in all directions, the dome was obviously designed in a special way. Although there was a dome surrounding the town inside, there were still plenty of places Nathan and Charlie could explore. With beautifully green trees all around, houses and even rundown businesses, the entire place looked and felt like a normal little town instead of the inside of a previously government owned facility. Despite absolutely not a single structural flaw in the dome, a small breeze glides through the air, whistling to the ears of any who would listen. Both Nathan and Charlie are confused, yet in awe, by the experience at hand, but still they carry on. Nathan suggests going to the nearest building to search for information as he takes his next steps into the oddly beautiful scenery. Charlie, however, hesitates his next step until he realizes Nathan is already further ahead of him. Trees dance and sway in the cool breeze, grass and vines grow over large rocks and multiple buildings, and even clouds sail through the beautifully blue skies that couldn’t possibly be real but at this point it’s not unbelievable. With so much to admire, Nathan quickly loses focus on the task at hand until Charlie speaks up. “Hey, Nate. Shouldn’t we hurry up and get to wherever the hell we’re going?” “Huh? Oh… Yeah, yeah. Sorry…” Nathan snaps back to his senses and continues forward. As they continue to what seems like a small neighborhood, they notice something in the distant wooded area. It’s a four-legged creature that could be a wolf or coyote. Nathan and Charlie pick up speed as they are unsure of what it could really be and prefer not to be attacked. On arrival to the neighborhood, the two men notice that multiple mannequins are oddly placed around as if they had been living a life. An eerie feeling washes over them as they both become a little more skeptical of being there. Nathan looks back to check on his friend and notices Charlie is visibly paranoid as he looks around. He feels a moment of guilt for making him come here for a story to cover, but that moment was just that. A moment. Nathan quickly nudges Charlie to get him to come with him as he walks up to an open house. As they walk in, they split up. Charlie searches the living room and kitchen. Nathan goes straight to the farthest bedroom in the back. Searching every nook and cranny, Nathan finds absolutely nothing but an old withered bible. He begins to walk into another room when suddenly, Charlie’s voice echoes through the empty hallway. “Holy fuck,” Charlie exclaims. “What’s wrong,” Nathan yells while running into the living room. Nathan finds Charlie holding an old yellowed stack of papers. Charlie hands them to Nathan without uttering a single word. On top is an old document that reads:
Aug. 17, 1953: Testing is ready to commence for Project 718/Operation “SUPER” in the environment dome. However, there are no volunteers for testing just yet.
Aug. 18, 1953: Chief scientist, Dr. Maximus Woods, has volunteered as prime subject under the name: Subject Zero. All tests are now being prepared.
Aug. 20, 1953: Day 1 of testing has started. The Super Serum has been injected into Dr. Maximus Woods A.K.A Subject Zero at approximately 12:53 A.M. It has been hours and nothing has happened thus far.
Aug. 25, 1953: Subject Zero has gained a slight form of telekinesis. Small signs of abnormally quick healing factors have also appeared, taking only a couple of hours to fully heal mid-large wounds made on the subject's body. Tests, so far, seem to be successful with no side effects.
Aug. 30, 1953: Subject Zero has had impressive changes with easy to control telekinesis, rapid healing, and even large amounts of strength.
Sep. 5, 1953: Over the past week, Subject Zero has been undergoing small changes in personality, possibly a slight side effect of the serum. This will be monitored.
Sep. 10, 1953: Subject Zero has become rapidly unstable, showing major signs of insanity. Subject does not seem to realize the environment is simulated and treats test mannequins placed around the environment dome as if they were living beings.
Sep. 17, 1953: Multiple teams have been sent in to try and allow real communication with living beings. However, all teams have been killed by Subject Zero. He also does not allow anyone to retrieve the bodies and it is unclear what he does with them.
Oct. 3, 1953: Subject has become far too unstable to continue any further testing. All research will be abandoned but a small team will remain in the overseer’s office. For full safety measures, this team has agreed that if the facility must be destroyed then they will die with it. This was the intended way in case of emergency. If the facility is self-destructed, no one inside will survive.
“What the hell…” Nathan says fearfully. “Read the newspaper article that’s attached,” says Charlie. The newspaper article reads:
October 3, 1953 Today, the government-run facility, Envirodome, had been shut down after multiple men had been slaughtered at the hands of the company’s very own test subject, Subject Zero. The few men who made it out alive today could not speak of or about the tests done but we were told that their subject is still inside the facility. Test Subject Zero was locked inside only as a safety protocol but many wonder, how long will he remain there?
Upon this discovery, Nathan stops to think and wonders if he screwed up by taking on this story to cover. Nathan, being himself, tries to lighten the mood but before uttering a single word, he is cut off by a rough and deep voice in the distance. The voice now being the only thing to focus on, Nathan and Charlie look out the front windows of the old house and spot the figure of a man playing baseball with a mannequin. Upon further inspection, the man is wearing clothes obviously not of this era. With an old 50’s jacket that is nearly torn to shreds, an old pair of blue jean slacks, a red shoe on one foot and a black one on the other and hair that clearly hasn’t been washed in years, the man is the exact look and description of pure insanity. Not just with his looks but also with his actions, he clearly is not a stable man. In the yard of the next house over, the man is talking and playing catch with a mannequin. “For the last time Jimmy, I’m tired of your shit! Catch the damn ball or at the very least attempt to instead of just standing there,” the crazed man screams as he chucks a baseball at its head resulting in its immediate decapitation. Nathan, with a humor full of bad timing, nearly bursts into laughter. “Shut the fuck up, Nathan! That’s the guy from the document and newspaper article. He’s Dr… Uh… Maximus Woods! Subject Zero! He’s been here since the 50’s,” Charlie fearfully exclaims. “There’s no way in hell, Charlie. The guy doesn’t even look like he’s past his mid-30’s.” “I told you to call me Subject Zero! That old name is dead to me!” The man, now confirmed to be Subject Zero, yells out to another mannequin. “Believe me now, asshat,” Charlie snaps at Nathan. “Shush! What was that?” Subject Zero quickly snaps his attention to Nathan and Charlie’s direction and begins to walk to them. The two men look at each other in fearful confusion and simultaneously say, “oh shit.” Instinctually, Charlie runs out of the house from fear and with a quick, “FUCK!” Nathan follows him. Running out of the house like a couple of preyed upon animals, they run up the street further into the neighborhood. Taking a quick glance, Nathan spots a strange sight. Subject Zero and many other figures are chasing after them. Upon further examination, Nathan realizes that what he’s witnessing is something straight out of a horror movie. The other figures are , in fact, not even humans. They’re mannequins! All the mannequins they had seen back at the other houses are now moving like humans and coming right for them alongside Subject Zero. Nathan is running so fast you could mistake him for a train breaking loose from its tracks, but sadly, Charlie is slowing down, unable to keep up with his friend. Nathan manages to reach a hiding spot behind a dumpster, unintentionally leaving Charlie to await his own horrors as Nathan is nothing but forced to watch. Charlie begins to stumble and trips over his own feet. Soon after, the mannequins catch up to him. Nathan wants to help, but knows he can’t so all he does is watch in horror. Lying on the ground, Charlie gasps for air as the mannequins and Subject Zero surround him. They stare at him for a moment before eventually beating him simultaneously until Charlie is soaked in his own blood, barely alive. Suddenly, they stop. Charlie, nearly lifeless, drags his gaze in Nathan’s direction. He mouths, “GO” before coughing up blood. Nathan holds back tears and vomit as he looks away in guilt. All the mannequins that were once beating the life out of Charlie turn around and scatter before ultimately becoming, once again, inanimate objects. Like a lion searching for its prey, Subject Zero scans the area. With danger nearby, Nathan looks around to find a house with any open doors to attempt to find safety. He spots a nearby house with an open window and decides it's his best option. Without hesitation, Nathan sprints to the window and leaps in like a gazelle escaping its demise. Much to his surprise, he went unnoticed. “I might be insane, but I know I wasn't just seeing double of your little friend here. Where the hell are you,” screams Subject Zero as two mannequins carry Charlie's bloodied, yet still alive, body away. Nathan, afraid, yet determined, locks himself inside the house and sits behind a kitchen counter. He looks up to see if it's safe enough to search the house. Once he realizes it is, he begins to look around. The kitchen is oddly empty. Not a single piece of silverware, plate or food. Out of the entire house, the living room is the best looking part, even though it still looks like a tornado came through it. With hopes of finding something, Nathan scrummages through everything lying on the decrepit wooden floor. After a moment of searching, Nathan notices multiple papers scattered around all dated October of 1953. All the papers say different things about Project ‘SUPER’ and Subject Zero. Although most papers essentially say the same things, one paper stands out the most. It’s a newspaper dated a few days after the imminent shutdown of the facility. October 9, 1953 The project was abandoned and only a few escaped but one former employee of Envirodome decides to speak up about the events. “The main doors may have been closed but they sadly were not locked,” the scientist tells our interviewer, “Oddly, the doors were made to allow people in but not back out unless you went to the overseer’s office and unlocked the main doors. All this means, anyone who decides to go inside without knowing this info will be trapped forever with a psycho maniac. Fortunately, Subject Zero’s insanity affected his mind so badly he doesn’t even realize he’s in a fake little world that’s specially made for him.”
A little further down the same newspaper article it reads:
The former Envirodome employee continues. “All documents will state that Dr. Maximus Woods volunteered to be Subject Zero, but that just isn’t true. We tricked him. You see, we needed someone and Dr. Woods was just this weird scientist that no one really liked. We convinced him that if he volunteered that he would be a hero. Someone who could save our world if the serum worked. He was so happy and we just laughed at him but knew we needed him for the tests. As soon as everything began, it all ended. As he became more and more deranged, he also became more determined to make the serum work. He eventually took living people he kept with him and made his own serum to try and perfect it. But it never worked. It just leads to each person to become crazier and far quicker. He ended up just killing everyone that the serum didn’t work on. God knows what he does to any poor soul that innocently walks into that building and gets trapped.”
With this new knowledge, Nathan knew he fucked up by coming into this beautiful hell. Now filled with dreaded emotions, he gets onto his feet and sets onward through the hallway. As he reaches the beginning of the hallway, the front door is unexpectedly busted down by an already all too familiar figure, Subject Zero. Reacting quickly, Nathan sprints to the farthest back room of the house. Being the master bedroom, it has plenty of space but sadly doesn’t have a lock on the door. Thinking quickly, Nathan slams the door and nervously shoves a large stand up dresser down on its side and in front of the doorway. He knows it won’t hold for long, especially considering, just a mere seconds ago, he witnessed Subject Zero burst a door off its hinges in the blink of an eye. Subject Zero is on the hunt, looking in every room all while Nathan stands in the master bedroom freaking out. Eventually, he comes to his senses and looks out the room's only window. It’s quite a drop below due to the house sitting on a slanted yard. Without hesitation, Nathan prepares himself for his only option. He opens the window and prepares to jump as the door of the room begins to be beaten upon. The door eventually breaks in half and standing on the other side is Subject Zero. Nathan slings himself out the window but it inevitably leads to pain. Nathan, with a possibly broken ankle, stands against the wall to stay as Subject Zero looks through the window wondering how he could lose his only entertainment so easily. Subject Zero eventually angrily wanders off as he cusses at himself. Nathan takes that as his cue to stumble his way into the nearby forest. Nathan manages to make it a decent distance into the forest before stumbling and falling next to a large oak tree. Expecting to be free from danger for at least a while, he relaxes against the tree and closes his eyes. Far too early for assumptions, he hears something and quickly opens his eyes to see Subject Zero’s fist unexpectedly rushing to his face, resulting in a knockout. After a while, Nathan cracks his eyes open, barely able to see. He looks around in a trance until he hears a familiar voice. “Hey, Nate! Nate! Wake the fuck up! I’m not dead!” Nathan fully comes to and looks over to see an upside down Charlie. Confused, he looks at Charlie unsure of what to say. Eventually he speaks. “What the fuck…? Why the hell are you upside down?” Charlie points to Nathan’s feet, revealing he is in fact, the one upside down hanging by his feet. “Oh, fuck… WHAT THE FUCK?!? Get me down, you asshole!” Charlie unties the rope, leading to Nathan falling on his head. Rubbing his head, Nathan gets up with ease, which leads him to wonder why there’s no pain in his ankle. He quickly shrugs it off and looks back at Charlie as he finally realizes the situation. “Wait a damn minute, how the hell are you alive? I saw you get beaten to a pulp.” “Yeahhhh… Well, first off, thanks for leaving me, but I’ll tell you everything I know, just as they did for me.” Charlie points over to a small crowd of people waiting behind the dark shadows of the room. With a short, yet detailed, briefing, he tells Nathan that these people are all the missing people they’ve been reporting about. They all have been curious people who have wandered into the facility but inevitably became a morbid science experiment by Subject Zero. Charlie continues on to tell Nathan that every single one of these people have been injected with a similar serum as Subject Zero but each one is a slightly altered version. “So, let me get this straight… These people have all been injected with the same damn insanity poison as that madman and there’s absolutely no telling who could lose it and kill us with FUCKING TELEKINISIS!” “Yeah, pretty much. But I’ve been told that Subject Zero murders every failed attempt before they hurt any of his other precious test subjects. So far, all he’s done is prolong the insanity effects.” “Charlie, we have to somehow get the fuck out of here.” “We can’t. Do you not understand what I just said?” “Look, I get that these people are innocent but they’re obviously going to be massive dangers to humanity. We can get out of here. I don’t know how but… Somehow!” “Nate! I can’t get out of here.” “What the fuck are you talking about?” Charlie raises up his arm and reveals a small pinprick of a needle in his skin. “Charlie, what is that? No… Wait, you were injected too?” “Yeah.” “FUCK!” “Look, as far as I’m concerned, you haven’t been injected. There’s no needle mark in your skin. YOU could actually get out of here.” “I’m not leaving you behind again, Charlie! It was a nightmare seeing what they did to you the first time.” “Nathan, I -” Suddenly and very unexpectedly, one of the people in the crowd begins to scream from within the shadows. Nathan, confused and afraid, looks over at the man losing his sanity. Within seconds, the man stops screaming as the entire room falls into a deafening silence. The man looks in Nathan’s direction and shines a demonic grin with a stare that could pierce the soul of any mortal man. Knowing the man is coming toward him, Nathan slowly starts backing up against the cold concrete walls. The man, with all new senses, uses his new telekinetic ability to push others from the crowd aside. Charlie, being brave for the first and possibly final time in his life, attempts to stand in the way but is quickly subdued as he’s flung against the wall. Finally reaching Nathan, the man brings his gaze into a full on stare into Nathan’s soul. For Nathan, it’s as if death has come for him. Suddenly, the man’s gaze is ripped away by a familiar face of evil. Subject Zero heard the screams and came to claim his failed experiment. This led to an all-out brawl between the two men. Anyone would describe it in the same way you would if two rabid dogs were fighting over food. One dog gets up after being ripped open and the other gets its face gashed by a hard hitting blow, yet they still fight. Only difference between the two, one is just a dog wanting its food and the other is trained to kill. Suddenly, with a vicious blow, Subject Zero wins the fight when he takes the man’s head and slams it so hard into the concrete floor that his skull cracks open causing blood, brains, and skull fragments to fly over the silent crowd. With one final glance, Subject Zero looks over the entire crowd. He ends his gaze by making sure Nathan is the last to see his devilish eyes. Soon after, he leaves the room and locks the door. Nathan stares at the corpse lying on the ground with a look of pure terror and proceeds to collapse onto the floor while holding back tears. The small concrete room soon fills with despair as everyone watches the tears of pain and fear run down Nathan’s face. Charlie tries to make his long-time friend feel a little more hopeful, although he soon gives up as well until he has a moment of realization. He remembers back to when they first were searching for information he had found an article with some intriguing details. “Okay, so, there may be some hope after all.” “Charlie, what hope is there? Huh?! You’re pretty much fucked and I don’t exactly see a way out of here.” “One of the articles back at the house we were in said something about a self-destruct button. That’s also how you open the main doors. Apparently, no one ever bothered, or I guess, never got the chance to hit the self-destruct timer and run their asses to the door. What if we- I mean, YOU could actually do that?” “Charlie, I already told you I don’t want to leave you behind.” “GOD DAMN IT, NATHAN! I know… FUCK! I know. But I want you to survive. Can’t you just listen to me for once?! I would follow you through hell and back and it kind of feels that way right now. So? Can you just listen to what I want you to do for once while I’m practically on my deathbed?!” “Okay! Okay…” Suddenly, an unexpected chance of escape arrives at their feet. Subject Zero and a few of his mannequins walk in to remove the mutilated corpse from the room. Unexpectedly, one of the people in the crowd begins to scream out in pain just like the other man did moments ago before his demise. “Oh, great…” Subject Zero says irritatedly. Soon after, multiple others begin to scream out in pain until eventually the entire crowd follows suit. Nathan, and somehow Charlie have not been affected. The room quickly becomes engulfed in a hurricane of insanity. This leads Subject Zero and the mannequins to getting distracted by the madness and accidentally leaves the door open. Subject Zero quickly gets attacked by everyone in the room but he holds his ground firmly. Nathan knows this is the perfect chance to escape and signals Charlie to come with him. Charlie hesitantly comes along but right as they reach the door Nathan turns to hear the sounds of Charlie going through the worst pain of his life. Nathan looks in confusion but quickly realizes he’s about to have to accept his friend’s fate. Nathan refuses to accept it, but he knows he needs to. Charlie suddenly lunges at Nathan and uses his last act of sanity and control to push him out the door. “Get. To the button. Please.” “Charlie, I- I’m-” “I’m sorry…” Charlie finally snaps and is engulfed in pure raging insanity. He lunges at Nathan but before he reaches him, Nathan, with teary eyes, slams the door onto his friend, turns, and begins running out into the seemingly vast wilderness. As he runs, Nathan hears the cries of a dozen men and women as they get ripped apart. Knowing that among them is his best friend, Nathan begins to cry as he continues to run away from his previous hell.
End of Part 1.

Hello, I was trying to find advice on this but wasn't having luck with search.
First some background: First generation NYC college graduate (32m) who moved back home to widowed mom who has her own financial struggles. I have 2 undergrad degrees and 2 masters with around $112k in direct sub and unsubsidized loans across my student tenure from 2010 to 2021 all in my name (Unconsolidated). I am currently in the SAVE IDR program with Aidvantage and have never once made a student payment. Between going to school, the pandemic pause and then joining the IDR program where I was making below the threshold where my payments are currently $0. Originally I was in non-profit to do the PSLF but decided not to stay in that field (personal reasons).
My whole thought process through this almost decade post undergrad has been "I am in survival mode to make sure I have a stable place of living and can have a decent life and help my mother". Due to this, my money has mostly gone to rent, bills, and credit card debt (thankfully now no longer an issue).
This all had changed though when I met my partner in 2021 who is a doctor and makes x10 more money than me. He treats me incredibly well but not like a sugar baby or anything. I still pay my own cost of living expenses and have more recently moved in with him. He is now my fiancé and we are looking to get married next year.
It however is a concern of mine of what to do with my student loans. This is a discussion I am going to have with him (He already knows about the amount and where I am with it) but honestly I am not even sure what to suggest? I've attempted doing research on to what makes sense but to be honest, growing up lower income I am not the most financially savvy (I've worked paycheck to paycheck before I met him).
I am a mental health therapist in NYC who is currently still getting their full license (switched careers from school therapist to mental health) and make around $35k part time (I know it's not great lol my company's pay rate sucks but I am getting my hours in a relatively stress free environment so I'm happy with it). That income will double (hopefully triple!) more than likely once I have my full license but until then my partner has been very generous in letting me live with him.
I do not want the burden to lay on him yet I believe his income will affect how the IDR plan works. Honestly I know eventually I will have to pay some amount especially after I get my full license in counseling but at this point I'm almost 10 years in without a payment and based on the website a lot of that time is counting. (My first loan that I pulled in 2010 says 46% complete). At some point before I met my partner I had already swallowed the pill that I would have to make 20 years of payments but now I am unsure.
If anyone could offer some advice on either next steps to consider, resources or what questions to even ask my partner in regards to this, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time!
Let me know if there is anything I should add, first time poster her.

I (32F) do everything. I’m married to a DX, inattentive ADHD (37M) husband. I make the money. I clean. I manage our finances. I cook. I plan our vacations. When I say I do everything, I mean everything. Sometimes I wonder how much of this is his ADHD or just being a man.
I’m the queen of over-functioning and do it well. My therapist believes this is enabling the “parent, child” dynamic in my marriage.
My question, how do I break it? I can’t trust that he’ll get shit done the way it needs to be done. He’s forgetful about important stuff. My therapist says I need to give him the opportunity to do more, which will feed his ego, but Jesus….at what cost?
Don’t even get me started about romance in our marriage. He doesn’t see me, forgets to ask about my day. I am catch and I’m starting to wonder if other men would treat me better. Danger zone I know.
There are times where he tries but it feels manufactured. We’re starting couples therapy soon, but would love to hear any tricks to help me crack this code. How can I stop playing mommy to my space cadet husband?

Good afternoon anybody, somebody, nobody, & everybody
all evidence DM ME
My name is Jain Kunwar
I am a retail trader for 3.5 years.
I am not an ape, I am not an institutional investor, I am not a hedge fund.
Nor do I have any clients.
I do not provide personalised investment advice for fees or commissions or tax purposes.
I'm just an individual investor who did my own research like Detective Columbo/Pikachu.
I come from a broken family, I have been to prison, I have been homeless even at 15 for many years.
I am not a good person, but I am seeking salvation from God.
I been doing Heroin since the age of 13, sober 8 years since the day I pleaded out to God in Merton station London at 1 am asking God to save me.
Which I believe in myself he did because shortly…….
Soon after, I went prison by confessing all my crimes and the judge let me run it concurrently for being honest that I need help and I had no foundation and healed a bit moving forwards in life.
I was born on May 10th, 1994, in Nepal Butwal. Home of the Gurkhas
I came to England 2002 November & have lived here since.
I class my self as Asian British A9
I have been repenting for my sins happily, paying off my debts and learning to be a good human being for I was a sinner till I met Jesus in Church of England.
My one and only father Jesus.
I have been following and invested in Game stop for a long time.
I started educating myself about the stock market since then.
I have been buying shares of GameStop Since 2021 But since 2021 June been incurring losses through market manipulation techniques I.E.
I had been denied withdrawals/ buying or selling options, leveraging options from Capital.NLY

Which incurred me 6 Grand losses on June 2021 and God knows how much/many other investors BIG or small in all exchanges that this effected.
I also have evidence of numerous times the trading app has halted its trade for more then 30 minutes to an hour in a single day! But for these I have videos more then images
I am happy to hand it over if you tell me where to send it.
They kept ignoring me until a month ago in May the 10^th 2024 will touch base here later(miracle)
I have what’s app records of me trying to make complaints throughout the years with no redemption or straight answers.
I once spoke to an employee male & female one said, “We are experiencing some technical difficulties” this was about 1-2 years ago.
The Craziest thing was the ticker was moving in other exchanges just not in the one I was trading from.
Once it didn’t even open for 1.5 hours when it was open everywhere else
It finally opened at 10:49 how I know? I experienced this.
Under the FCA regulations all registered Trading Companies have a duty to protect investors from glitches and “technical difficulties”
Which They failed to do so for me I speak for myself and only what I have experienced.
The company even has glitched my leveraging system of 5-1 which was the setting since joining the company.
where, even if you pick 5-1 you only receive 2-1.
I have evidence of this as well & it’s not the first time either.
I know this has been done 100x of times if you take a Deeper Dive in the company’s own trading platform.
You won’t be able to find in other exchanges as other exchanges are working well so you cannot see the reason as its all “inter- linked”.
“Inter-linked “exchanges one falls apart whilst others are moving causing direct market manipulation.
Quoting blade runner “inter-linked”


Since then, I have been sent death threats anonymously.
Which also I can prove It was sent by him by connecting some dots with you
I met the owner in Wembley stadium in Corporate Box I was invited by Mr Stephen O
He contacted me and invited me to his corporate box on 8/6/24 I went there to find clarity as hackers have been going through my phones and social media with death threats.
Currently he is getting his hackers to find out where my siblings are and such as those are the type of questions I am getting in my social media platforms.
I call it phsing, smishing and vhising all 3 were used on my network.
Using carefully relaying questions in segment to build a definitive answer by narrowing down the wrong answers.
Like how it asks me what horoscope I am, Questions like use your initials to create a Japanese name.
Narrowing down an answer what every analytical mind would do.
I have been going through this since May 10^th after he contacted me.
I have said my name is J to every one of these questions should be in my social media history.
Notice how it says JJ DEAD MAN COVER
i.e
Notice how I met the Owner at 8/6/24 1 pm corporate box …there are plenty cameras there.
I like to be clear here I do not know this person or have his number for him to be coming to my social media as people “whom I know”.
I believe it was the vhising technique of his goons on hire you can see my history for the past month in call history I been getting scam calls left right and centre.
I will also give a copy of screen recording on request.
Then I went home and put a video of his trading app chart not moving like other exchanges for example having a 1-minute ticker symbol does not move for 30 minutes in graph line on my social media suddenly,
I see a people “whom you might know” soon after I posted the video.
I only went to the corporate box because he told me he has over 300 people retail traders coming which I was the only retail there apart from 5 millionaires 4 of which I believe they own the company only speculation whom others are currently.
But I felt an eerily vibe So I did not eat their food or take their hospitality which was probably funded by investors like me getting robbed blind because he thought no one would notice.
I also met a man there I spoke to him he told me His trading account was transferred to their platform.
The clue is there which accounts have been moved without consent or choice?
He will plan to bring all in one to have more control and doing this also erases all traces of manipulation in the trading platform it moved from a very sly way to delete history.
Should not affect me though I joined capital.com ticker symbol. NLY as my first and only trading app.
I have lost all history of my trade’s funds and even portfolios deleted without notice of consent why is he observing my account and why is he deleting everything without my consent? He knows he did me wrong that’s why because he uses capital.com to manipulate the market into his interest.
I can identify all 4 of them even though I only spoke to Mr S.O over the phone and only know their name.
I ended up being the only retail trader there, A poor man in a Billionaires Club
So out of place
I just can’t figure out why, Can you?
The ticker symbol has to be moving according to the time even if the price does not fluctuate the time has to keep moving like kinetic energy.
It has to be moving unless halted which can be only 35 minutes per day but I have counted over 1 hour gone in some days


I have been through mental trauma with hackers trying to hypnotize me with flashing lights and other spiral colour techniques mind you.
I am an epileptic which I grew out of when I was 15 which is highly reactive to epileptic people.
Miracle indeed, as many don't, certainly not after adult hood.

Also, they have tried to ask me questions to figure out whom I am on my social media,
I got closer to their crimes and my truth and they wanted to know what I know or make me join them as per the invitation I believe bribing me to survive another few years maybe?
Hope you Enjoyed the Corporate box Kenny it was from the money you stole from me!
Steal from the poor how dare you?
pushing pornographic and other Hypno/flashing light techniques to my social media platforms
also using racial harassment by calling me Paki Psycho
At least get the country right! Originally from Nepal BITCH Gurkhas Salute!
We both know whom we are now S.O
Which over the past 3 years have also caused me to lose everything…..
money, love, joy, sanity & dreams.
I have been Robbed constantly from these techniques they use also the withdrawal rejection from 10000 to even 100 this was very recently too. Have some images to reference this too.
I log almost everything I do.
That’s just how I found healing/clarity by writing it down.
I spoke to a person named Emma who told me to withdraw,
I have to show all my cards even the bank card “HSBC” which was bankrupt and stopped without consent.
Jokes on them I still had it Q.Q ahahaaha even after I showed them it didn’t work.
Until 3 days later after I lost 65% of my investment.
I like to point out, I mentioned to HSBC many times I am currently struggling and am willing to pay in an instalment plan.
What I can because I did not want my account to close ever as it would effect my credit score most indefinitely.
Also, the weirdest request was they asked me to show them a picture of the different Barclays Cards I have with the same account number.
saying it must be the same card but it’s the same account number same card basically so why?
I replied, I put the money from my apple pay send it back to my apple pay card he said please send us an email of all your cards indirectly refusing to let me withdraw whilst I am in profit.

So, I sent them by email which I should have on my email “for reference”.
He also mentioned he will be my account manager and watch my account after the first time he called me because I am a “premium” account.
I still am a premium account with minimum 5-1 leveraging glitched to 2-1 with only 400 pounds left in my account and still watches where and when as my judgement has been good when to buy.
Buy low sell high! Or just hold but I couldn’t do any of these.
I believe it took him this long for many years the issue was my real name and my social media are not the same people.
As I do not have a social media account anywhere with my real name.

He started taking control of my account and portfolios since the day he contacted me on 2024 May 5-15 around the same time I started losing again drastically.
Unfortunately, I cannot provide you how much money I had made in profits or losses because “My account manager of a premium account less then 50 grand had deleted all my portfolios and trade history to clear his name”.
My account portfolio was called Bullish-CFD
Glory CFD and 3 gbps cfds I ended up with one named GBP usd
How the name changed I do not know
I suspect he closed my shared and opened it in a different portfolio causing 8888 amc share sale in my account 1112 GME shares.
As these most of these shares were bought months ago which I believe he has to pay for borrowing he doesn’t have to pay if it was new trades, I suspect this happened here.
Why else would I not the Portfolio I had designated names on.
This can also explain why my trade history has been wiped.
I did not do this I did not consent this nor was I notified.
Let me make this clear I do not have any controls or jurisdiction to wipe my history of trades if you could compare with other users to see if they have been wiped out and why it has been wiped out as its detrimental for Securities Agency to have correct data of everything that is going on with trading exchanges.
Which makes me believe more in the investment of AMC & GME.
I also believe Mr S.O prior to 2 years ago before all these new rules started coming, he was using his trading account to artificially increase profits by making a profit/gain.
I.E you open a position in a stock that is about to split in the market or going through one.
Let’s say its 2 5-1 reverse split now its 10 he made 8 decimal gains instead of changing the shares according to the split.
This crime trick he used to manipulate the market ended when sundial went for a share split reverse.
I came to realise this when I ventured in a demo account, and it worked but I didn’t do it with real money as that is not the right way.
I am trying to be good doing it the right way.

I have worked physically demanding jobs for many years working 6 days -7 days per week doing 55-65 hours per week, killed my joy in life and even went without food to invest in this company as I believe in the Company board, company outlook and company fundamentals all 3 checks out as a great investment to my eyes a hat trick to a quad trick now.
Putting money in it almost every month in the past 3-4 years.
My journey ends here with my Losses from market manipulation but I will reveal the truth!!!
They have robbed us again and again even the government has been robbed.
just for their benefit ruined many people’s lives all over the world.
Especially now that the company managed to be stable and grow profits.
But the issue here is not my losses it’s the market manipulation.
the company is doing all they can to not close their losing trade which is the
THE BOX everyone is talking about, but no one is knowing about somebody may know though.
Maybe investigate their wives’ accounts and you might find it on a marginal line red line in this account.
The blonde lady. Wearing navy blue jeans. Bingo!
Mr Stephen O has tried bribing me in social media sending women over my home to seduce me but my dog did her job right! And sensed the intentions I know this because I had a media pushed through my social media saying do you want me to send you two women to seduce me in hiding his criminal behaviours but this is not about me
He has robbed millions of people .

I have evidence of this as well to turn it in his favour as I believe he is short on GameStop which is a direct Conflict of interest “the reasons why I am been having these trading technical issues “
Trying to turn you into a gambler not investor! By taking away the withdraw, buy or sell!!!
You see,
The universe spoke to me, and I am becoming the voice for everybody who are being robbed by this man.
Call it a sign, a cohencidence or just dumb luck!
I am not a messiah though I just uncovered the truth!
2 weeks before my birthday on May 10^th,, a stray kitten gave birth to 4 kittens and left only one behind. The squeeze began on my Birthday no fucking way!!!!!!!!
I/we have since, been taking care of her.
Meet My Newborn Kitten.

At 2 weeks old.

I also have a conspiracy theory on this as an attempt to harm my kitten.
To destroy me and make me stop trading.
I have frozen the medication Dr Elliot not a regular vet from that practice.
Well not the ones we see anyways 2 out 3 times.
My kitten was very ill shortly after taking the medication was also recommended to euthanised my kitten.
If you see her now you won’t believe why they would ever recommend this.
Of course, I argued and took control of the situation and saved her.
When I am back on my feet, I am going to a professional to check it out completely.
I like to remind you I already have a dog in this house for that cat to dare to come in my yard and give birth its like it was meant to be here cats? get it?
She is about 2.2 times her size now! Growing strong !!! just like GAMESTOP
CANT STOP WONT STOP GAME STOP
In Jesus name can I get AMEN!
b4 I continue...
I currently work as a civil engineer and am on the quest to turn my life around in my Pursuit of Happiness.
Thank heavens as I do not even hold a GCSE another miracle!
That I have this job.
I am a troubled child, but I still have dreams... of making it in life.
Which is providing my future wife and kids with everything I did not receive,
love, attention, guidance and more importantly a home they can sleep comfortably knowing they will have a place to sleep again tomorrow.
But I do not blame anyone as it was a first time for everyone being a father... a mother...even me a son just as guilty.
But I want you to keep reading this story… as it is very important if you have lost in the stock market as there are many other stocks that are missing in chart it was probably getting diluted for someone’s benefit to maybe stabilise their losing trading account.
I get the desperation that’s how I felt scrounging, borrowing money when I felt like I was about to be margin called totally human reaction.
The way he gained the money to stabilise it was totally criminal though.
I feel like he is digging himself a bigger and bigger hole and that hole is up some skunks arse hole by now.
I also like to point out Mr S.O has notified me that capital is a British company, but I have seen it being registered in the state of
This is the Final frontier.

My judgement was clouded by addiction made me do bad things...
I apologise to everyone I caused harm/inconvenience in the past and now.
I really am.
From the bottom of my heart.
my actions were clouded by addiction it took me more than a decade to defeat my heroin addiction.
At this sober state, now If you ask me anything; I’ll tell you even if it gets me in trouble
without a second thought.
I like to point out through out my columbo detective move I came across various information some even I should not know.
All I’m seeking is justice and peace right now and I hope someone can help me get this as I have proof for most of these speculations.
But I believe Mr S.O has been sending his hackers to feed numbers into my head by keep pushing it into my feed.
Because of this I purposely lost all my trades as I will not participate in insider trading sent by Mr S.O to convict me to silence.
Realising I was being watched by numerous people.
I went into a state of hallucinations, insanity.
It was hard but I crawled back out of the hackers infiltrating my device to corrupt my mind and decisions.
I suffer with anxiety and depression already too and have been suffering further since Mr S.O has called me.
I just didn’t know this before he called me, and all the pieces started to connect.

As this type of speculations and claims are only for the wealthy and privileged.
I know I am neither.
I am a very poor man with no land no inheritance no support.
Everything I earn is from these hands that push tools and this mind that tries to learn investing.
At my day job I give my 110% physically
at home
I work my mind 110% to try being an experienced smart investotrader as I know once I have knowledge and skill, I can make money easily after.
Currently, I am sharpening my day trading skills to further increase my knowledge from investor to a trader.
I earning ends meet living pay-check to pay-check and I will continue doing so to save earn invest and one day have a place, which my future family can call our home proudly safely.
But I still see the deep value in a growing company as the more room for growth the more gains the investment will make.
I learnt this from reading and following great investors of this decade I.E DFV videos of GameStop 3 years ago.
I especially like the one where we roll the 8 ball and just find a random ticker and analyse it you never know what dumb luck can bring you.
A school dropout like me to GameStop and I have learnt more things than I did in my lifetime.
You can learn anything in YouTube now amazing really we should use technology to assist us not work for us I strongly believe not use it for our own personal gain just because you have coders.
If you look through their trading app they chart doesn’t even revert the history into split prices SUPER MANIPULATION.

1 I love the stock/I believe in the stock.
2 the company has board members who doesn’t even get salary.
For this they have my trust of my investment and that they will do everything in their knowledge and power to make this company successful as toys brings “JOY” even to adults.

I kept putting more and more invested in this company, but the stock is being manipulated so it doesn’t work everyone will lose as how the conflict-of-interest person wants it he has survived until now because of this but there were no major leads of this I believe.
[Again, I am here to speak about GameStop and the TRUTH]()
I still see GameStop as a great investment.
The company survived Covid 19, also is profitable and stable currently.
With all the current market price fluctuations
Also the price has not dropped below 40! pre split price.
which further strengthens my speculation,
I currently own only 18 shares of GameStop I did have over a thousand.
But the company owners of; Capital.com ticker symbol NLY.
Have done everything they can to make me lose a winning investment.
They took my buy button my sell button and even stopped trading for more than 30 mins and hid it from none trading eyes in the bigger picture.
He also took my shares and diluted it I have incurred about 61 grand losses from my history of trading because of these market manipulation techniques over the past 3-4 years.
I as an investor a client of capital trading app was not treated fairly.
1 Even when I have raised complaints numerous time over the past 3-4 years was shrugged off because I am just well a NOBODY.
I call it a poor man's privileges.
2 Under FCA regulations Glitches or technical failures that cause financial harm to customers is a breach of this rule.
3 I am formally writing a complaint here and raising awareness with evidence of market manipulation!
would like support regarding the Law side of things and what i can recover from being ridiculed and robbed.
Using my food & leisure money to invest in this company.
I sacrificed my Joy for this investment with my hard earned money by working 50-60 hours a week labour 52 weeks per year non stop you can check my work rota records sometimes even 70 per week in physically demanding jobs.
1He has sent me Death threats today of what I am revealing now since meeting him in Wembley Stadium 8/6/26 (have a image of sending me death threats after meeting him today using paid hackers)
1 3/half weeks ago he called me to say I am in a premium account there are 300 of you and I would like to invite you to meet him today
which was really weird why is he putting my account on premium and saying He is going to look after it I am retail trader I have barely any money in account!
and deleted all my portfolio and trade history everything wiped clean!
+I suspect this was getting rid of evidence as I am right at the heart of the Griffin
I know why he took ownership from me without my consent and sold it without me knowing by derivatives and decreased the market value for his personal benefits.
Because he is already manipulating using this trading platform to control the prices elsewhere.
I have evidence of this you can only see it just DM me
if you look at the charts in their trading platform you can see it yourself to say it’s not photo shop.
no one else can notice it if you are not using the same app!!
+
2 Mr Stephen and his goons have been manipulating the stock since gamestop! 2021
+prior to 2 years ago his app would increase profits even from a split share!
I came across this information on 2022 You should recheck all files that are linked to him and splitting shares tickers as he has robbed them blind too.
I was the only retail investor, there alongside his corporate buddies which I am happy to identify and stand as witness.
I felt safe though as I don't even Fear the Darkest Night as I always walked by faith and believed in God has a purpose for me too..
A nobody like me maybe could be somebody one day!

(all hail great DFV) got to pay your respects !
I learnt trading since 2021
“Once there was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to a baker every week.
After several weeks of purchasing butter from the farmer the baker decided to weigh it. To insure it was indeed a full pound.
When he weighed it, he discovered the butter felt short of a pound which enraged him and made him feel cheated and decided to take the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer what his method is of weighing the butter.
the farmer replied “your honour, I am poor I do not own any exact measuring tool.
How ever I do have a Scale.
The judge then inquired if the farmer uses the scale to measure the butter the farmer explained.
“Your honour I have been buying a 1 pound of loaf from the baker Long before he began purchasing butter from me,
When ever he brings the bread, I place it on the scale and measure out the same weight to give him in return.
So, if the baker is not receiving a pound of butter he is also not delivering a pound of bread as promised.
The moral you get what you give if you try to cheat others of what they promised them.
You will be cheated in return.

KARMA IS REAL AND KARMA WILL PUNISH ALL OF YOU WILL GO PRISON

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Content Warning: Domestic Abuse
***
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

I love ants, ants are awesome. They are so darn intelligent and innovative, I personally like to think of them as how humans would be like if we were wayyy smaller and were eusocial but that's beside the point. As I had nothing better to do in the afternoon, I spent an hour compiling some stuff about some of my favorite species. Please comment about your favorite species of ant and tell me about them as well!! :)
Enjoy! 🐜
Mirror turtle ant: mimics the appearace and behaviour of Crematogaster ampla ants to steal their food and is able to follow pheromone trails laid out by crematogaster ampla ants and follow it to its host's food source. They follow hostile Crematogaster ampla ants to food sites and then start trying to act like them. Mirror turtle ants don’t smell anything like crematogaster ampla, so if they come within sniffing range, they’ll be swarmed and dismembered. They have to move like the enemy and walk like the enemy, all while not getting too close to them, even though they’re in the midst of the enemy and stealing their food. Mirror turtle ants are the first species of ant documented to use visual mimicry to parasitize another ant species. The workers foraging behind enemy lines raise their rear ends up in the air and mimic the walking speed and even the stilt-like posture of Crematogaster ampla. And they do it all so they don’t have to search for food themselves.
Matabele ants: Are at war with fungus farming termites who the ants frequently raid for their fungus and to eat the termites themselves. The termites often amputate the ants in combat but while the ants arent particularly powerful against the fungus farming termites but they have a secret technique at their disposal. They carry their wounded soldiers back to their nest where they are treated by the workers who nurse their wounds and disinfect and clean their wounds using antimicrobial saliva and once the soldiers are healed they can partake in battle again. But the rescuing ants have a threshold for how grieviously injured a soldier must be before they are rescued. Of the soldier has lost one or two legs, they may be rescued and taken back to be healed but if they are injured too badly, the resuers will not rescue them or waste resourses and effort trying to nurse them back to health and these soldiers that are hurt too badly are left to die.
Honeypot ant: honeypot ant species possess the unique ability to store food for rainy seasons in their bellies. Individual worker ants, called repletes, are engorged to enormous belly size by being force fed, sometimes to the point of being unable to move. Honeypot ants usually feed on flowers for their nectar but can also be seen attacking insects. When the liquid stored inside a honeypot ant is needed, the worker ants stroke the antennae of the honeypot ant, causing the honeypot ant to regurgitate the stored liquid from its crop. Replites are practically living refrigerators and are packed with so many nutrients that many other insect species, are keen on hunting them down and even raiding the honeypot ant colony for a sweet treat.
Leafcutter ant: These gardener ants cut out fresh leaves with their sharp mandibles, which they later bring to their nests to feed a particular type of bacteria that lives in symbiosis with the ants. That means that both organisms have become so co-dependent that they cannot survive on their own – the insects supply their guests with fresh nutrients in the form of leaves, while the fungi grow to later on become a reliable food source for the ants.
Tawny crazy ant: These ants are at a war with fire ants. Fire ants have an extremely potent poison that kills most other ants, but tawny crazy ants have a secret defense. When they’re hit with fire ant poison, they quickly coat themselves in their own poison, which neutralizes the fire ants’ primary weapon with a 98 percent survival rate.
Fire ants: These ants exhibit a wide variety of behaviours, such as building rafts when they sense that water levels are rising. They also show necrophoric behaviour, where nestmates discard scraps or dead ants on refuse piles outside the nest. Their venom is highly toxic and sometimes even lethal to other insects including other ants and are at a constant war with tawny crazy ants. They also have the ability to build rafts in times of floods or when the colony is forced to cross a body of water, the ants will link their bodies together to form a floating raft. The ants on the bottom of the raft grip onto each other with their mandibles, while the ants on the top of the raft link their legs together to create a protective barrier. The raft can be several layers thick and can consist of thousands of individual ants. The ants on the bottom of the raft are able to breathe by trapping air bubbles between their bodies, while the ants on the top of the raft protect the colony from predators and help to steer the raft towards shore.
Army ants: While army ants do not build permanent nests, they do construct temporary nests out of their own bodies. These "bivouacs" are formed by the ants gripping onto each other's legs and mandibles, creating a protective structure that can be used for resting or caring for the young. Army ants also are nomadic, meaning that they do not have a permanent home. Instead, they move through the forest in search of prey and temporary shelter, and are constantly on the move. Army ants live in large colonies that can consist of millions of individual ants. One of the most interesting behaviors of army ants is their ability to build rafts. When the colony is forced to cross a body of water, such as a river or a stream, the ants will link their bodies together to form a floating raft. The ants on the bottom of the raft grip onto each other with their mandibles, while the ants on the top of the raft link their legs together to create a protective barrier. The raft can be several layers thick and can consist of thousands of individual ants. The ants on the bottom of the raft are able to breathe by trapping air bubbles between their bodies, while the ants on the top of the raft protect the colony from predators and help to steer the raft towards shore.
Slavemaker (Polyergus) ants: these ants raid colonies of formica fusca or silky ants, capture their pupae and, subsequently carry them to their own nests to raise them as slaves. However, the enslaved ants are forced to work seemingly endless shifts for another colony instead of working seemingly endless shifts for their own brethren.
Acacia ants: Acacia ants act as bodyguards for acacia trees, defending them not only from weeds, but also from animals, in exchange for accomodation and food – Acacia trees and acacia ants have a unique mutualistic relationship, in which the ants provide protection for the tree and in turn, the tree provides the ants with shelter and food. One way that acacia trees can manipulate the behavior of the ants is by blocking the production of invertase, an enzyme that is essential for the ants to be able to digest sugars. The acacia tree they live on produces a chemical compound which blocks invertase production. The ants that feed on the acacia tree's sap once stop producing invertase, which is necessary for breaking down sucrose into glucose and fructose found in practically other food source, and instead rely on the tree to produce "special nectar" that contains more easily digestible sugars. By manipulating the behavior of the ants in this way, the acacia tree ensures that the ants remain dependent on the tree for their food and shelter.
Dinosaur ants: Instead of a queen these ants have an alpha female and moreover unlike a typical ant colony all the ants in the colony have the ability to reproduce. She’s surrounded by up to five beta females, who do nothing but sit around all day long. These betas are next in line if something should happen to the alpha.Sometimes a beta gets tired of waiting and decides to start laying eggs of her own. If the alpha female detects that her position is being challenged, she wipes chemicals from her stinger onto the would-be usurper. At that point, the workers will run out to punish the offending ant. They will pin the overreaching beta to the ground, sometimes for up to four days. After justice has been meted out, the beta also loses her rank and is just a lowly worker from then on, either that or she’s dead from not eating for four days.
Cardiocondyla Obscurior: Unlike most male ants who possess wings and their only purpose being to mate with a female virgin queen ant after which they die, in cardiocondyla Obscurior ants, there is only one Cardiocondyla obscurior male per colony. He’s the dominant male ant, and he must defend his territory. If a new male wonders in for some mating, the reigning ergatoid will dab chemicals from his anus onto the intruder. This secretion will cause all of the workers to band together and kill the newcomer. Cardiocondyla obscurior males have a “kill” scent. That’s not all that they’ll do. In an effort to further reduce any possible rivalry, the ergatoid combs the nurseries looking for newborn males to slaughter. The soft one-day-olds are easy to kill. However, if they find a two-day-old male whose armor has hardened, it becomes a pitched battle with a 14 percent chance that the young ant wins and a 43 percent chance that they will both die. This is mostly because they’re both rubbing their kill scents on each other, encouraging the workers to swarm in a killing frenzy. Many times, the workers end up slaying them both, but it’s okay if they both die. New male are always being born, and the dead ones are fed to the larvae.
Solenopsis fugax: Solenopsis fugax is a thief ant, meaning that it steals from other ant colonies. However, Solenopsis fugax steals the larvae of other ants. Slave-maker ants do the same thing, but Solenopsis fugax doesn’t need slaves; they’re hungry. They eat the babies of other ants. They also tend to aphids, so they’re farmers who also eat babies on the side. While most slave ants charge in recklessly and try and overwhelm a colony, S. fugax ants tunnel in. Once they find the brood chamber, they discharge pheromones that repel the other ants. It’s the ant equivalent of tear gas. They tunnel in, spray the place down to make all the adult ants run, and then they abscond with the brood, which will be eaten alive. The poison from a single Solenopsis fugax ant is enough to keep workers from 18 different species away for up to an hour.
Green ants: These ants live high up in the tree tops. Their unique ability is to build homes out of tree leaves. The first phase in nest construction involves workers surveying potential nesting leaves by pulling on the edges with their mandibles. When a few ants have successfully bent a leaf onto itself or drawn its edge toward another, other workers nearby join the effort. When the span between two leaves is beyond the reach of a single ant, workers form chains with their bodies by grasping one another's waist. Multiple intricate chains working in unison are often used to ratchet together large leaves during nest construction. Once the edges of the leaves are drawn together, other workers retrieve larvar from existing nests using their mandibles. Upon reaching a seam to be joined, these workers tap the head of the clutched larvae, which causes them to excrete silk. The workers then maneuver between the leaves in a highly coordinated fashion to bind them together and the larvae's silk is used to glue the held leaves together in place. They can only produce so much silk, so the larva will have to pupate without a cocoon. Green ants also 'milk' scale insects in or close to the nests for their honeydew. Although weaver ants lack a functional sting they can inflict painful bites and often spray formic acid directly at the bite wound resulting in intense pain.
Trapjaw ants: Trap-jaw ants have powerful mandibles that snap closed at extremely high speeds and accelerations. They use these mandibles to capture or stun prey and to fight with other ants. These remarkable mandibles have attracted the attention of biologists and naturalists for well over a century. The term “trap-jaw” refers to mandibles that have a spring-loaded catch mechanism which allows the ants to store up energy in advance of strike and to release the mandibles rapidly. “Trigger hairs” on the face of each mandible connect to neurons that control the latches and release the mandibles. The ants can use these trigger hairs to fire the mandibles the moment they touch the surface of another object. Some trap-jaw ants have another trick – they can jump with their mandibles by snapping their mandibles against the ground, they can jump into the air, often traveling over 20 times their body length. the ants carefully align their heads and bodies before striking the ground and jumping into the air. Ants also use this chaotic jumping behavior to mob and frighten predators. For example, it is startling when a large number of ants start popping like popcorn into the air. Plus, they often land on the intruder and can sting prety hard, making the combination of jumping and stinging a good predator deterrent.
Bulldog ants: Apart from their ability to jump at great heights, their eyesight is one of the most powerful in the ant kingdom due to their oversized eyeballs. To give you an idea of just how sharp their sight can be, bulldog ants can discern minute objects at a distance of more than 25 times their length. With exceptionally aggressive behaviour, the bulldog ant is prone to causing painful and, sometimes fatal, bites.
Bullet ants: Bullet ants are infamous for their very powerful sting. It's so awful that its comparable to being shot with a bullet, hence the name.
Hodor ants: These ants live in abandoned tunnels of wood-boring beetles and, to keep themselves safe from the external environment, the large workers use their disk-shaped heads as living doors to seal off the entrance to their colonies.
Diving ants: This species of ant do is dip into the digestive fluids of the carnivorous pitcher plant called the pitcher plant. There, it looks for arthropods that have fallen prey to the plant’s cunning trap and fishes them out to enjoy a fresh meal.
Allomerus decemarticulatus: These ants use a particular kind of fungus that they grow themselves – it’s never present in stems that weren’t touched by these ants. As well as being a cultivated food source for the ants, the Allomerus decemarticulatus uses this fungus to make traps called "ant gardens" that lure small insects to them. When the unsuspecting insect lands on a stem full of those trap holes, the predator insects swoop in and catch it with their mandibles. Then, they slowly drag the captive to a leaf pouch, where they tear their prey apart.
Camponotus leonardi: These ants possess the fatal ability to make their abdomens explode. They are filled with a toxic liquid that chases off predators, but their combustion comes at a steep price. A final act of defence – one of the most devoted ways to protect the colony in the face of insurmountable odds. They are also the host to the ophiocordyceps unilateralis fungus.
Dracula ants: The workers of these species of ant are blind. The primary source of food for these species is the blood of their own larvae. That’s right – this species practices non-destructive cannibalism, i.e. the ability to munch on someone without killing them in the process and extracting carefully controlled amounts of blood to avoid harming the larvae. They also possess powerful jaws, paralysing stings.
Giant gliding ants: Giant gliding ants are a group of ants that are able to glide through the air to travel between trees or escape predators. These ants have flattened bodies and long legs that are adapted for gliding. When they jump or fall from a high point, they are able to control their descent by spreading out their legs and using them as wings to steer themselves towards their desired destination.
Pheidole oxyops: Pheidole oxyops ants construct feather pitfall traps to capture prey, such as other insects and spiders, that are too large to be handled by individual ants. The feather pitfall trap is constructed by a team of worker ants, who first identify a suitable location to build the trap. They then gather feathers and other small debris, such as twigs and bits of grass, and arrange them in a circular pattern on the ground. The feathers are arranged in a way that creates a funnel-shaped depression in the center of the trap. When a prey item walks onto the feathers, it begins to sink into the depression. The feathers on the sides of the depression are angled inward, making it difficult for the prey to climb back out. As the prey struggles, it sinks deeper into the trap, eventually becoming trapped at the bottom. The Pheidole oxyops ants are able to detect the struggling prey from a distance, and quickly converge on the trap to retrieve the captured prey. The trap is then rebuilt, ready for the next prey item to fall victim.
Formica archboldi: This species of ant is known for its unique behavior of collecting the skulls of another species of ant called Odontomachus bauri that it often raids the colonies of and feeds on the workers of. Formica archboldi collects the skulls for their chemical properties. The skulls contain glandular secretions that may have antimicrobial properties. By collecting the skulls, Formica archboldi may be able to use these secretions to protect their nest from harmful bacteria or fungi and because the skulls simply because they are a valuable resource. The skulls of Odontomachus ants are hard and durable, and could be used as building material for the nest or as a platform for the ants to stand on and can serve as an intimidation tactic to ward of would be predators.

Most reviews on reddit and other platforms complain about the ending of the show. With a show which holds the viewers attention from start to end by thrilling the viewers with crazy sequences. The ending was not really something most people would be satisfied with. This is just what I think would be a better ending and maybe a possible opening for season 2

1. Player 1 was honestly the most suspicious character for me throughout the show. He was not as strong as others because of his disability nor did he really take a stand for himself aside from obviously the garbage voting sequence. He was the underdog exactly what would make the show more fun. The underdog winning and the "bad side" losing. So the torture sequence will go as it is. 1 will tell 4 about the fact switching rooms was possible. The whole plan would take place and just like the show showed. 1 would lose most of the money and then would tie everyone up but rather than doing those jokers tricks. He will be a strategist.
   
2. He would go to all the rooms (they can fix the telecoms seeing how when 1 made the call for switching rooms the telecom had black tape all over it). He would go to all the rooms and fix the telecoms and transport the money from all rooms to room 1. There is no indication that the room's owner can be the only can buying. After transferring all the money to room 1. He just needs to end the show or keep it running to earn even more money.
   
3. 1 would free 8. This can be the grand reveal. Whatever the memory of player 1 we were being shown would be the past. 1 had a daughter and he was about to kill himself but the timings of these memories would be different. His daughter and wife left him because he couldn't pay the bills. He became more depressed after losing his family indicating towards a psychotic breakdown where he felt lonely and excluded from the society. After years of struggling and trying to find his family. He would locate his daughter player 8. Who now herself became a struggling artist clearly not in her senses. The scene of her playing the guitar in the big garden could now be shown fully where player 1 would be watching her , crying to himself.
   
4. 1 would blame himself for his daughter's condition and try to commit suicide. This is when he gets an entry into the show. The show creators would want to make things interesting. This can be their sick idea of bringing both the father and daughter to the show. He would recognize his daughter but wont say it because player8 doesn't know her father. This can also explain how no one hurt player 8 and how she looked fine throughout the captivity period. He will take care of her secretly and encourage others not to hurt her.
   

5.Coming back to the climax. 1 will free 8 and the big reveal will happen. 1 would shot player 6 we know he hates him. There can also be a scene of a possible breakdown where he shares how it feels to be treated like a joke (ironic because he plays a joker). He would spare rest of the players. The game will end as player 6 dies and 1 will take all the money. The doors will open and 1 and 8 will be lead to a room filled with the "supposed" viewers. Emotional music would play as 1 and 8 stand holding hands. A bright spotlight on shined on their faces. This ends season 1
Season 2 can maybe include rest of players being forced into another game or maybe 8 betraying 1 and joining hands with the creators of the show. I have not read the webtoon though I believe it may have a more fulfilling ending.

Summary: Roxy manages to capture a human and she brings that human as an offering to her mother. Her mother accepts the offering and spares the listener. Now, it is time for Roxy to turn the listener into a vampire
Usage: You can use this script wherever you want as long as you credit me. I would love to listen the finished audio, please don't forget to send a link
Previous Part: https://www.reddit.com/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/1d78f4w/vampire_mother_daughter_part_2_f4m_vampire/
__________________________________________________________________________________________
(Roxy opens the door and enters the room)
Hello, my love! I’m back.
(She gets closer to the listener)
I was afraid that my mother would hurt you when I was gone. You are okay, right? Let me take a look at you.
(She starts examining the listener)
Well, looks like she didn’t touch you. You seem to be… Wait, what’s that?
(She sees the bite mark on the listener’s neck)
I can’t believe this! She couldn’t keep her filthy fangs away from you, huh? I am so sorry my love.
(She starts stroking the listener’s face)
I am here now. Don’t worry. From now on she can’t hurt you. I will always be at your side. I’ll never leave your side again.
(Pause)
She talked about me? Oh, really? Tell me my love, what did she say?
(Pause)
Lies… Lies and more lies. I hope you didn’t believe anything she said.
(Pause)
She thinks I’m defenseless?
[Laugh]
If only she knew… If only she knew how wrong she is.
(Pause)
Let me tell you the biggest lie about her… She is not my mother! Imagine my suprise when I found out the truth. For years, I’ve lived with her. For years, I’ve called this filthy liar “mother”. I learned that my real mother died long time ago. It seems that she married my dad for his money. I searched her past and nothing. She’s not from a wealthy or royal family. I think she saw te opportunity and seduced my dad. I also believe that she’s not telling me truth about my father’s death. She told me he was killed by a vampire hunter. I don’t have evidence but I believe that she killed my father and acquired all of my families riches. The question is why didn’t she get rid of me? What’s she planning? I’ve asked around, talked with the members of my clan but nothing. Either they are turning a blind eye or they really don’t know anything.
[Sigh]
Anyway… I was furious. My whole life was a lie and that’s because of her. I wanted to kill her but I wasn’t powerful enough. I needed to get stronger, so I started hunting. Every night, she thinks that I’m at the library reading books but actually I’m out there… Hunting! I’ve killed and hunted so many humans that I’ve lost count. I’ve gained the strenghth I want and that old fool still thinks that I’m defenseless. The first part of my plan is complete. Now, let’s talk about the second and the third part. The second part is turning you into a vampire. I need you!
(She pulls out a special dagger from her back)
See this! This is a special dagger crafted many centruies ago. I am going to use this to kill my mother but I have a problem. In order to activate this dagger’s power, I need another vampire. See this little red gem inside the handle. In order to unleash the true power of this gem we need to hold this dagger together. That’s why I need you. I need you to help me achieve my plan.
(Pause)
What are you talking about? LOVE? What love?
(Pause)
What? You thought I loved you? Well, you are good looking, I’ll give you that but that’s it. Sorry to break your heart dear but I treated you kindly because I needed you on my side. I’m not in the mood for love right now. All I need is revenge. I have to finish her before she understands I’m plotting something.
(Pause)
What happens if you refuse to help me? Well, I’ll leave you to my mother and she’ll kill you. If that’s what you want, I’m fine with that. Don’t forget! You are just a tool in my mission, not an essential. My mother will keep bringing new humans after you. I can always find a new one but you really have no choice here. Do you really want to become her meal?
(Pause)
Alright! I’m glad you made the right choice. First things first, I have to turn you into a vampire. In order to do that, I am going to bite you then you are going to drink my blood. The process will take some time. When you wake up, you will be powerless, weak. I’ll feed you with my own blood. This might take a day or more than that. Don’t worry, my dear mother won’t disturb us. She’s pretty busy with her new prey right now. After you manage to gather some strength we’ll move on to next phase in my plan. While she’s sleeping, we are going to enter her room. I have a gun and a single silver bullet. I am going to wound her with that silver bullet. She’ll be too weak to defend herself. Is everything clear up to this point?
(Pause)
Okay, because here comes the tricky part. We are going to stab her with this dagger but in order to activate the gem’s power we have to hold it together and the gem must be covered in our blood. Here’s how we are going to do this. First we are going to cut our palms, then we are going to hold the blade together. Our blood will soak the gem and then it will unleash the dagger’s true power. And finally we are going to stab her with the dagger. Don’t forget! We must aim at her heart. Is everything clear?
(Pause)
Of course it’s going to be complicated. It’s a dagger made to kill vampires. Can you imagine something like that falling into a human’s hand. With precautions like that we don’t have to worry about anything. I have been studying this dagger for some time. It was made centruies ago by my ancestors. It is a weapon made by vampires to kill vampires. You see, we live in secrecy. We always lived like that but sometimes some of our family members like to cause chaos. When that happens it is our duty to finish them. We have very strict rules and laws and every vampire has to obey them. You can’t kill a vampire without a reason. If one of the members of our clan finds out about this, I’ll be kicked out of my clan and be forced to exile. That’s why I need you. I can’t just go out and find a random vampire to help me. I hope you can understand me.
(Pause)
Thank you and I’m very sorry if I broke your heart. I didn’t mean to play with your emotions. I just needed help and you were there. After we kill her, I’m going to pack my stuff and leave. If you want, you can come with me. I’ll teach you the ways of the vampire. I’ll teach you how to be a creature of the night.
(Pause)
Why do I make an offer like that? Well, I kind of feel guilty for tricking you into a situation like this. It’s the least I can do, right?
(Pause)
You don’t have to follow me, of course. You can go your own way and start building your new life as a vampire. The process is hard though, especially the first year. Your whole body will be adjusting to the change, you will be powerless and most of the time you will need help. That’s why I offered to help you but like I said, it’s up to you.
(Pause)
Yeah, you are right. Anyway, we’ll talk about that later. I’m asking you again. Did you understand the plan? There’s no room for error here. If we mess this up, she’ll kill both of us.
(Pause)
Yeah, me too. I already told you, I am not her real daughter. So… Are you ready?
(Pause)
First, I am going to bite you and drain your blood. After that, I am going to give you my blood. Shall we begin?
(Pause)
Okay, here I come… Don’t worry, It won’t hurt a lot.
[Vampire bite]
Lay your head on my lap. And now…
(She bites her wrist and spills all the blood to the listener’s mouth)
Drink my blood!
(Pause)
Close your eyes and let the change begin. Don’t resist… Don’t fight. Just accept it. It will be easier that way… I’ll be here when you wake up. Now, close your eyes and get ready to born again!
THE END

(Long post ahead, don’t read at night if matakotin ka)
I don’t know how to explain this but this is my first ghost encounter inside campus and in my life. I’ve felt an ominous feeling before sa CR ng Br. Connon Hall and Andrew but to actually see a spirit, hindi ako makatulog until now sa takot. Well, kasalanan ko naman din since curiosity got the best of me. So kanina, mga 5:49-ish, I just finished my class sa SJ and naisipan ko sundan yung path sa likod ng building, never pa kasi ako nakadaan don and got curious where it led to. Saw an unfamiliar building which was “William Hall” so pumasok ako, checked out the place and na intrigue ako don sa dalawang doors near the first floor CR (yung may mukha in between and may large table below it). I don’t really believe in ghost cause “to see is to believe “ ika nga, so pumasok ako sa loob. It was dusty and dark but I guess that wasn’t enough to turn my ass around. I proceeded inside with my camera flash on and to my surprise it was an old cinema-like room or small auditorium (yata?). Medyo malaki siya and there were rows of seats. Again, I don’t believe in ghost AND kita ko there was an opened fire exit sa other side of the room so I thought anyone’s welcomed to check it out.
While I was admiring the layout of the room (sayang kasi ang ganda sana if nirenovate lang) I felt a presence. Tumaas balahibo ko and I flashed my light don sa front row seats and legit may nakaupo. Just typing this gives me chills pero legit meron akong nakita na nakaupo middle 2 rows behind the front row. Because first time ko makakita ng ganon TINITIGAN KO PA kung tama ba nakikita ko. I froze sa takot pero snapped out of it when may narinig akong foot step (this one might just be my mind playing tricks on me cause of the fear) and napasigaw ako and tumakbo sa labas asap. Narinig yata ng guard sigaw ko cause bago pa ako makalabas he was already at the door checking if may student sa loob. Pinagalitan ako malamang kasi akala niya I was doing unholy things inside haha. No po kuya, I just experienced the scariest moment of my life haha.
So yun, never pa ako naniwala sa mga ghost sightings or “third eye” stuff but I do now. Didn’t expect din sa school ko pa ito mararanasan since catholic school ang lasalle and maraming brothers that bless/protect the university … makes me think if the brothers experience ghost sightings as well since they have a dorm inside the campus (DAW). Kayo ba? Any scary experiences in school?

Hiya there friends! I’m your friendly neighborhood divorced 30 year something or some other, trudging through life and trying to find someone I can actually enjoy spending time with. That’s surprisingly harder than I thought it’d be lol. In a world where dating has come down to endlessly swiping through apps, actually finding someone then immediately getting ghosted after either talking for a week or meeting up for a few dates and then getting ghosted, or being friends who diddle each other because everyone has been in bad relationships and want to be free to do who they feel like and not be held down (I personally understand this one being a divorcee myself lol) its kind of hard to get anything going or meet anyone worthwhile. Well I’m gonna try again cause I’m stupid and optimistic that this will work out at some point, either way I’m enjoying the ride for the most part.
Some things about me that might make me a somewhat interesting member of the opposite sex!

• If you couldn’t tell from my title I love listening to music! It’s pretty much my core reason for existing lol. I love to sing and listen to it pretty much whenever I can! I am polyjamorous and listen frickin everything and that’s legitimately not a joke! I can go from Cab Calloway, to Dying Fetus, to Linkin Park, to Elton John in no time flat! Be prepared for a man that thrives on a random set of music from all the different time periods lol. The only thing I don’t listen to is country as that’s an abomination. Yall are free to listen that, and it’s okay to be wrong honestly. I can accept that about most of the world.
  
• I’m an avid gamer! My main genres are horror, rpgs, and online shooters! The games I am currently playing are Destiny 2 and Dead by Daylight with a bit of Fallout mixed when I need a break from those two games! Ask me for my username on steam and discord if you’d like to play with me!
  
• I enjoy cooking! Oh that’s right ladies, if you want a man that can cook you up a tasty meal upon request I can most certainly do it. Just have to kiss the cook first (Just kidding lol). Seriously though I actually do enjoy cooking so if you ever wanted to come spend some time with me food will always be available so come get you some grub!
  
• I’m very much a metal head and am avidly going to concerts now! Just recently went to go see Dying Fetus, Fester Decay, Rivers of Nihil, and Cattle Decapitation live so if you’re also a metal head and looking for someone to go see some metal with live I’m definitely your guy!
  
• I’m a very kind and caring individual! I love to talk and enjoy spending time with the people I care about so if you like that kind of energy then look no further for I shall provide it! Come get you some cuddles and attention!
  

Now, some other things you should know about me and things I’ll require from you!

• While I am a divorcee, I have a child in California. If you ain’t cool with the fact that I have a kid then that’s hella tough! He comes first and is the most important thing in my world forever and always. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you can’t deal I’m cool with that. He’s cuter than you anyhow lol.
  
• Look I know everyone’s looking for their forever person, I am also, but don’t come to me looking for something with a ring attached to it. I’ve been there done that and it’d take a lot to make me consider doing it again. That’s not to say I don’t want a long lasting relationship and won’t treat said relationship as an important thing, but I now believe there doesn’t have to be an iron clad document officiating it. If you ain’t cool with that then there’s the door.
  
• I am a highly jokey, sassy, and sarcastic person and that’s never gonna change. I like having fun and poking fun at people in a jokey and friendly way so please don’t be sensitive. I don’t like walking on egg shells.
  
• I’m terms of getting my groove on, I ain’t vanilla. If you know you know so I hope you aren’t either!
  
• Age isn’t majorly a factor just please don’t be younger than 23 or older than 40. Just a personal preference as I’d like to be able to connect to someone without being too generationally far from each other! I will also want to exchange pictures off the rip as attraction is important.
  
• Please be in within an hour of Lancaster PA! I’m not one for long distance relationships so I do require you to be within range of me in order for any talks to begin! Sorry to those that are long distance!
  

Well then that was one of the longer posts I’ve ever made! If you stuck around this long you must find me really interesting! If you do message me with one of your favorite songs! Bonus points if you know the song from my title and its album! I hope to hear from you, and thusly I bid you adieu.

I don't even know if I should be calling her a best friend. Tbh, it's been a struggle to introduce her as one.
For some context, she has been in a shit workplace, where she was working overtime almost every weekend and late on Fridays. We currently live in the same house. I have been trying my best to give her advice, but she wouldn't take any of it and would end up learning it the hard way. I realized later that she doesn't ever really listen to me. She doesn't take any of my advice seriously. It was a bit disheartening, but I let it go because I understood the stress she was under. Once she finally realized she had to quit because the work was too hard on her body, she ending up staying extra and worked overtime for it (she didn't get paid for it). All because she felt bad for her colleague? I questioned her for it, and she ghosted/gave me the silent treatment for a few days. She does this often whenever I question or bring up something she did. It's always a mind battle for me. She even once ghosted me for 2 whole months all because she jumped to conclusions about a misunderstanding and couldn't even wait till morning to talk to me.
Now that she is free from work, her body is crashing from days of no sleep. I wanted to encourage her to meet a friend who is leaving in a week, and she has agreed to it before. But after I managed to get her out of the house and meet our friends, she has been treating me badly again. I don't understand when this is what she wanted me to do. She would openly joke about wanting me dead, to fall off a mountain, or to crash into a car. Even if she was doing this from sleep deprivation, to only treat me like this was so heartbreaking. And this isn't the first time she's joked about my death. She used to say that she would dream about beating me up. I brought it up to her before and all she did was laugh it off saying it was a joke. But is this what a joke should be like? Even if it was dark? She knows I wasn't in a good mental state the past year. She only ever talks to me properly if I help her with work projects.
I don't want to sound like I'm being ungrateful, but as much as I love the times we do get along, a lot of resentment builds up when she plays mind tricks on me like this. No matter who I bring this up to, no one takes me as seriously as I need them to. It's eating me away. I can't help but post this here, I am desperate for some advice. Thank you for reading if you've made it this far through my ranting 😭
I will probably delete this soon.

^{This is a repost with new info, corrections and better formatting. Thanks for previous contributions! <3}
I've seen quite a few "All lost My Chemical Romance songs" and "My Chemical Romance rarities" posts, but they mostly all either:

A: Conflate "Lost" with "Rare" or "Not studio-produced" B: Aren't Sourced C: Incomplete D: Have disinfo E: Mistakenly include working titles for later released tracks as "lost"

So, here we go! I've gotten most of my info from a few archives and long-time fans in the community but I would love to hear any additions you have to add! The more eyes the better!

For clarity: Bullets = I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love Revenge = Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge LOTMS = Life on the Murder Scene TBP = The Black Parade TBPID = The Black Parade Is Dead! DD = Danger Days CW = Conventional Weapons TPK = The Paper Kingdom MDNSY = May Death Never Stop You

^{Tracks are listed in supposed creation order, then by discovery or release} Nine Volt Heart ^aka Android [..?] - Song title found in now-lost Flash player elements of My Chemical Romance's official site going back to at least 5/25/2002. According to a 2011 text interview by Cassie The Venomous with Gerard and Mikey, the song was played once live at NJ's Loop Lounge to bad reactions from the band and poor fanfare and as a result shelved from future releases. Later possibly reworked into an unreleased song named "'Android...' something?". Though according to a 2004 post by SpaceyRaygun, a long-time friend of the band, Nine Volt Heart was instead reworked onto a Revenge track. ^{Fandom rumors going back to at least 5/3/2006 claim Nine Volt Heart was a cover of the Smashing Pumpkins' song Bodies albeit with slightly different lyrics. Although the poster's source songmeanings.net has since taken down the potentially false lyrics page.}
The Attic Demos ^aka Dreams ^\of/about]) Stabbing and/or Being Stabbed - A CD Distributed at early shows and among the band's circle. Later partially released on 2014's MDNSY, though these demos circulated the fandom pre-2014 from these promotional CDs.

Wish You Away ^aka Drowning Lessons Rough Mix - If community sources are to be believed (1) (2) (3) (4)) (5) a variant of The Attic Demos distributed among friends and family of the band contains recordings of 'Vampires Will Never Hurt You' titled "Stabbing" and 'Drowning Lessons' titled "Wish You Away" (Pre-release titles corroborated by the early instances of My Chemical Romance's website).
Stabbing ^aka Vampires Will Never Hurt You Demo - Found as of July 23rd, 2022. Demo released via Instagram from for Bullet's 20th anniversary. This CD was given to Nada Recording in 2002 prior to their recording of Bullets. Clip is partially cut off and downloaded through Instagram API.
Early Sunsets Over Monroeville Demo - An Attic Demo found by SpaceyRaygun with an Early Sunsets Over Monroeville recording not included on MDNSY. Included in notable bootlegs such as Self-titled MP3 Collection released 2010. ~Fake demo debunked by (Friend of Matt Pelissier) and SpaceyRaygun (The track's original source).

Sister to Sleep - One of the earliest songs written for Revenge, revealed in a 2003 interview as conceptualized for The Freddy vs. Jason Soundtrack before licensing fell through. It was re-conceptualized around The Sandman series of comics, where sleep is anthropomorphized as the titular Sandman, and his sister as Death. In its released form, the lyrics explore sleep as an analogy for death and themes of insomnia and institutionalization. Ultimately, the track was cut from release by producer Howard Benson. Two live recordings (1) (2) of this song have circulated the fandom for a number of years, with one found more recently all from the same show played in NYC's the Knitting Factory on 6/26/2003. On 10/17/2022, it was played once more in Inglewood during the RETURN Tour, albeit slightly different lyrics. Later, Frank spoke on a 2023 interview about using live footage for practice, likely explaining the difference in lyrics. In 2013 the band had stated in an interview potentially none of the members still possessed a copy of Sister to Sleep's demo recording (A claim still supported by Frank in a 2022 interview) except possibly for a soundcheck library recording Mikey was given from the Knitting Factory show. With renewed interest in the song, Matt Pelissier was asked via Twitter about the track. ^{If community sources \}1]) ^\2]) ^{are to be believed, a Twitter user "Martin" asked Gerard the whereabouts and existing number of these demos, Gerard would share that they lost the only existing copy moving from coast to coast a number of years ago. Martin then asked Matt about the demos to corroborate Gerard's story, which prompted Matt to reveal more info.} Matt claimed he was given an additional copy of Sister to Sleep, as were all of the band members, their studio and their label. Fans supposedly questioned his demo's legitimacy. (1) (2) (3) Matt then posted three 15 second clips of the track to his Instagram. These clips were DMCA claimed by Warner and Matt was threatened with potential legal action if he continued copyright violations. However, fans downloaded these clips before they were taken down. (1) (2) Afterwards, Matt was asked via text conversations by his Revenir bandmate u/dansplayslol11 after hearing the track if he still intended on leaking it. Matt explained that he didn't intend on releasing them being content as the apparent sole owner of the demo.

Manhattan Demos ^aka A-Demos - In 2013 the band had stated in an interview Sister to Sleep's studio recording existed on the "Manhattan Demos" or "A-Demos" as Ray called them that also contained demo material later released on LOTMS. Screenshots of other production tracklists around this time have also been leaked and released by several sources including Revenge producer Howard Benson. (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) Demo - A 1 minute 4 second Clip of an I'm Not Okay demo uploaded by the YouTube channel AJ Serna in 2012 which contains the line "And never mind the drugs you took" instead of Revenge's release version "The photographs your boyfriend took" with notably worse recording quality. ^{This lyric was likely remnants from when the song served as the conclusion to the album with a spoken word outro by Daryl Palumbo \}Of Glassjaw, Head Automatica] and is more in-line with) ^{early production takes of the song.}
Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge Instrumentals - Instrumental versions of all 13 original Revenge tracks can be heard as backing tracks for the duration of LOTMS. Never released as a stand-alone instrumental promotional album unlike TBP.
Someone Out There Loves You - Released as a live performance on the official TBPID DVD as Track 30 with a live video. Unofficially titled 'Stay' by fans before its official title was revealed by Gerard on Twitter. Frank revealed in an interview with The Music that the song had a studio demo but "lyrical reservations" prevented its release.
MCRBlog 09' Demos - Throughout 2009, the band would post an occasional series titled 'Practice Cam' where they'd take photos and videos of whiteboards containing song titles. Fans like Cassie the Venomous were able to decipher some of these titles, and later corroborate them with at-the-time newly released live performances. (What was initially titled 'Siren Song' as a live performance eventually released as 'AMBULANCE', ect.) However, some of these teased titles never received accompanying live material. These include:

"Still Alive" ^\Also detailed in) ^{this interview.\}) "Teenage Girl" "Pretty [..?]" "Monster Jam" ^\This could be in reference to the video game 'Monster Jam: Masters of Mayhem' of which 'I'm Not Ok)' ^{appeared as an in-game track})^.\)

Hell Hath No Fury - This track was apparently credited to My Chemical Romance (1) (2) for 2012's The Man With The Iron Fists but never appeared on the movie's soundtrack. ^{It's theorized this track midway through the film is a snippet of the track.}
The Paper Kingdom - Proceeding DD's touring cycle, the My Chemical Romance began work on their 5th studio record before scrapping the album due to burnout, depression and unhealthy habits. (1) (2) Some of this material was likely posted by a user named Excalibur and sold for $10k+ on the leaked music website Leaked.cx in late September 2022. Snippets of these tracks with added auditory watermarks were provided by the leaker for legitimacy from tracks with the filenames "Dark Cloud", "Witch" and "Wake Up!". However, these clips were taken down by Warner both on leaked.cx and on other sites' reposts, likely validating the leak's legitimacy. One track recognized by Warner's automatic content ID system was entitled "Paper Swords" by My Chemical Romance.

The Foundations of Decay Sessions - According to comments by Excalibur made under leaked.cxs TPK leak, they also possessed demo sessions for the My Chemical Romance's 2022 release The Foundations of Decay. It was unclear whether these sessions were also purchased and vaulted alongside TPK's leak by the same or another buyer.

... These aren't exactly "lost", only ^\notable]) live performances with no evidence of official or studio variants: ^{FYI, any of these songs can be heard with a simple YouTube or Internet Archive search \}if I don't already link a primary or secondary source here.)
Everybody Tie Your Shoe - Stage banter on TBP's 2007 tour. Released on the 'Fans of Compilations' bootleg album in 2008.
The Drugs - A scrapped song played live sometime during 2009 during the Summer Sonic Festival. Later never released alongside the other CW-era singles or later DD material. Released as a live track on 'Still Chemical Dependency' bootleg album in 2009.
Everybody Hates the Eagles ^aka Kill Em' All ^aka DD Jam Session - A DD-era Jam Session repurposed for the My Chemical Romance's 2022-2023 tour and given lyrics with a variety of concluding lines rhyming or spinning on the phrase "Everybody Hates the Eagles". (1) (2) (3) (4)
... These aren't in any sense "lost". Some just aren't on streaming services, just obscure or with no official release: ^{FYI, any of these songs can be heard with a simple YouTube or Internet Archive search \}if I don't already link a primary or secondary source here.)
Jack the Ripper (cover) - Live cover of Morrissey's song released on the EP Like Phantoms, Forever in 2002 including live banter, then later released as a cut-down version on the Thank You for the Venom 7" in 2004. ^{Often mistaken for separate live and studio tracks such as mislabeling on the Self-titled MP3 Collection and other MP3 archives.}
Give Em' Hell, Kid Alt. Version - An alternate version of Give Em' Hell, Kid from iTunes.
Under Pressure (cover) - Cover of Queen and David Bowie's song as a collaboration with The Used made for release as a single and a bonus track for The Used's 2004 release 'In Love and Death'.
Astro Zombies (cover) - Cover of Misfits' song released for Tony Hawk's American Wasteland 2005.
I Never Told You What I Do For a Living Demo - Demo track released on LOTMS lyrically and sonically distinct from its Revenge release.
Bury Me in Black - Demo released first as a Japanese Revenge bonus track, later released internationally on LOTMS.
Desert Song - Complete studio track intended for Revenge, released exclusively on LOTMS.
Song 2 (cover) - Cover of Blur's song released on Radio 1's Live Lounge Album in 2006.
The Black Parade Instrumentals - Promotional CDr distributed to advertisers alongside TBP in 2006.
The Black Parade: The B-Sides - Includes My way Home Is Through You, Kill All Your Friends and Heaven Help Us. Released as a stand-alone b-side album in 2009 including bonus tracks released alongside TBP in 2006.
Desolation Row (cover) - Cover of Bob Dylan's song for release with Watchmen (2009) with an accompanying promotional music video set in the Watchmen universe.
All I Want for Christmas Is You (cover) - Cover of Mariah Carey's song for 2009's Christmas compilation album Gift Wrapped: 20 Songs That Keep On Giving.
We Don't Need Another Song About California - Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys iTunes Deluxe bonus track.
Zero Percent - Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys Japanese bonus track.
Sing Single - Radio edit and instrumental single of Sing released in 2010.
The Mad Gear and Missile Kid EP - Collection of songs written during DD's production (Black Dragon Fighting Society being written before DD), intended to be My Chemical Romance's in-universe proxy. Released with DD's 2010 box set and released digitally for the first time in 2022.
Bulletproof Heart Single - Radio edit and instrumental single of Bulletproof Heart released in 2011.
Planetary (GO!) Remixes - Planetary (GO!) single remixes by Lags Gallows & Vasquez/Gorman released in 2011.
Common People (cover) - Cover of Pulp's song for BBC Radio 1, Released on the 2011 The Only Hope For Me Is You EP.
Every Snowflake is Different (Just Like You) - A track made for the show Yo' Gabba Gabba in 2011. Made alongside a music video featured on the show. Notably similar to S/C/A/E/C/O/W and preformed live by My Chemical Romance on tour the same year.
#SINGItForJapan - Full orchestral Japanese instrumental version of SING following earthquakes and tsunamis that devastated Japan in 2011. Released as a single alongside a YouTube upload and merchandise to raise money for Japanese charities.
The Kids from Yesterday Remixes - Australian-exclusive box set released 2012 including remixes from Dan P. Carter, Lags Gallows and Vazquez/Gorman.
Fake Your Death - The first track on May Death Never Stop You and released as a single. Theorized as originally made for TPK. Aside: I hear his VERY widely talked about as a fact, butthe main article citedis mistakenly referencing Gerard's solo work. As likely as this rumor is, there is no evidence.
Black Parade / Living with Ghosts - Black Parade's 10-year anniversary release including a variety of TBP demos both scrapped and reworked onto the 2006 release.
Welcome to the Black Parade (Steve Aoki 10th Anniversary Remix) - Remix of Welcome to the Black Parade by Steve Aoki for TBP's 10th Anniversary.
... Specific thanks to u/mj2000p, u/Tongara, u/danplayslol11, SpaceyRaygun and Party in the affiliated My Chemical Romance Discord for previous edits. To see the edits check out my original post.

Please do not harass or beg band members or those affiliated with the band for unreleased material. Archival efforts are important but many of these songs fall under copyright and/or hold great personal value. Be respectful in reaching out to potential leads.

If anyone has better sources, anything else to correct or add I'd love to add to what I have and will credit.
Thanks for all the help! <3 Happy 20 years to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge! :3

Welcome!
Welcome to our community dedicated to discussing all things related to compounded semaglutide.
Whether you're new to using semaglutide or you've been using it for some time, this subreddit is here to provide support, information, and discussion. Please share your experience when relevant, we can all learn and get inspiration from each other.
What We Discuss

• Personal experiences: Share your journey on semaglutide, including any successes, challenges, or side effects you've encountered.
• Tips and tricks: Share tips for managing side effects, diet suggestions, or integrating it into your daily routine.
• Research and news: Stay updated on the latest developments in semaglutide research, clinical trials, and regulatory updates.
• Support and advice: Seek advice from fellow members, offer support to others, and connect with others who understand your experiences.

Feel free to ask questions, we have hundreds of active members willing to help!
Community Guidelines

• Be respectful: Treat fellow members with kindness and respect, even if you disagree with their opinions or experiences.
• Stay on topic: Keep discussions relevant to semaglutide and related topics.
• Provide accurate information: Share information and experiences responsibly, and cite sources when necessary.
• No medical advice: While sharing personal experiences is encouraged, refrain from giving or seeking medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for personalized medical advice.

Sourcing Discussions
Reddit does not allow for discussing specific sourcing questions unless it's name-brand (Ozempic, Wegovy) and/or doctor-prescribed.
There are online websites that sell semaglutide under the guise of "research peptides" - these are completely unregulated and are not to be discussed in this subreddit. Please report these types of posts and comments so we can remove them.
Please report anyone trying to DM you about sourcing or trying to give you "pricing sheets."
Enjoy!
Thank you for joining our community! We look forward to learning from each other and supporting one another on our semaglutide journeys.
This subreddit is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional regarding your medical condition and treatment.

TLDR: Finally symptom free of decades long battle with hand eczema with a sustainable routine of rotating 2 wks clobetasol CREAM with 2 weeks elidel (pimecrolimus) CREAM after not getting fully clear from clobetasol ointment and protopic ointment. Used hyphoclorus spray and topical probiotics to initially reduce redness. Use Neutrogena Norwegian hand cream for moisturizing after treatment and throughout the day after hand washing.
Photos: atopic dermatitis hand eczema Pictures are from a few years ago and from a middle-place of healing before i started the creams to show that the ointments helped but were not every able to bring me to a place of full healing.
Long:
I've been on/off steroids and various treatments over the past two decades for severe hand eczema/atopic dermatitis. Broken, itchy, cracked/fissured fingers. It was extremely debilitating.
I've spent the last two years trying to treat this with more intention after being unsuccessful so often in the past. I had little to no results after months of treating with clobetasol ointment so I ended up doing 6 weeks of UV light therapy. Light therapy really did help, but it was extremely expensive and very time consuming so I stopped. The eczema came right back when I stopped (I stopped in summer thinking the nice weathehumidity might keep it at bay for a bit... but, no). During the light therapy time I was continuing to do 2wks on of steroid ointment, 2 weeks off.
The only relief I really ever experienced from the steroid is when I would apply the ointment under a band aid (this is very much not recommended but it would close the fissure though would not help heal the patchiness or itching so the fissures would just come back.
Around this time I tried applying elidel cream that I had leftover from my face (perioral dermatitis) and found it very soothing. I didn't have much left, but my dermatologist told me I could use that during breaks from steroids. Unfortunately my insurance changed and I needed to find a new derm and the elidel cream quickly ran out.
Visit the new dermatologist several months later and my eczema and perioral dermatitis are both back and flaring up (yay me!). I visit a new dermatologist and I tell her my expericene with the elidel. She says protopic (tacrolimus) will be better as it's stronger, but it only comes in an ointment which again she says is better.
I begin religiously doing 2 weeks clobetasol ointment 2x a day then 2 weeks protopic ointment 2x a day. I also switch to Neutrogena Norwegian Hand Cream per her recommendation which is truly great (in the white tube, I did get a fake one in a blue bottle once from Amazon so be careful).
Still having a lot of symptoms and started learning about treating this as a staph infection here and other places. I bought Hypochlorous acid spray and topical probiotics and started a round of strong oral probiotics. I did see an initial drop in redness and itchiness that was so exciting! Those additions did not help completely clear it up, though at this point it's the best it's every been except for after the light therapy.
"The best it's every been" was still quite a bit of symptoms though with regularly appearing fissures and cracking patchiness, and at my follow up the derm basically said I needed to slather ointment on my hands and then sit around with socks over the ointment to help it absorb.... Um, no thank you! Progress photos are from this time.
I asked about creams and she said ointment was better but if I insist she'd let me try clobetasol cream.
I did 2 weeks on the cream and the results!! So good! I tried the old bandaid trick on a particularly bad part and had to remove it within minutes because it was burning my skin. So, clearly the cream is being absorbed better into my skin as the ointment never once caused discomfort when I applied a ton of it and put a band aid over it.
I called the derm and asked for elidel cream instead of protopic (weaker than protopic, but I'm having such good results on the cream steroid that I wanted to try a cream in those off weeks as well and I want to stay with the recommendation to only use steroids for 2 weeks at a time.
My hands are nearly completely clear! I have no fissures and the most stubborn patches have been mostly resolving.
I wanted to share my experience here as I came to reddit so many times during my journey looking for experiences. I just wanted to share in case this can help someone else!

I'm coming to you all for advice because nothing I have tried has seemed to work.
Some background on the dog: We adopted her about 2 years ago from a rescue in another state. We paid for a transport service to bring her in a van with several other dogs. Her original family had her since she was a puppy and they're nice people. They say she has always been skittish but previously was good with other dogs and children. I don't think she got out much besides the occasional neighborhood walk. She had two traumatic experiences at her previous home: one where fireworks went off at a park and she broke off her leash and ran home, burning her paws on hot asphalt in the process. Another where a stray dog broke a window of the front house while they barked at each other from either side.
Her home: she is an only dog and we have one cat that she's great with. I work a m-f 9-5 and hubby works from home, so she is almost never home alone but doesn't mind being alone at all.
Her behavior now: Great around the house, mostly relaxed and shows little signs of fear. Very smart, knows and listens to many basic commands and does tricks. She's affectionate with us and people she knows. Loves car rides and going to a local beach that we pretty much always have to ourselves. However, if we try to take her anywhere else she sits down and refuses to walk. She also refuses to walk around the neighborhood (she will just sit and won't walk in any direction besides home). We live in a small town and there's not much going on so there aren't many noises or people to trigger this. We haven't identified any trigger to work with.
The problem: we can't take her to the beach every day (it's about 20 minutes away) and we are soon moving to a big city where she will have to be around other dogs and people to get any exercise. She is reactive around other dogs- she tries to charge them and barks at them. She also barks at small children. She's about 75 lbs so she could do some damage if she wanted. Also afraid of people on bicycles, carrying bags, carts, etc. Every once in a while she will decide she wants to walk around the neighborhood, but only will go if she can choose the route and length (maybe once or twice a week, she will choose routes that take about 30 mins). Every Fourth of July when she hears fireworks it puts us back to square one and we have to carry her outside to use the bathroom for over a month because she is terrified to leave the house (will only go to that one specific beach) and won't choose to do a neighborhood walk for sometimes 3-4 months.
What we have done: she has completed a group training class that worked on listening to basic commands. We put her on meds for her anxiety. We have been super patient and only used positive reinforcement with her (she's extremely sensitive).
What I really want is for her to have a good life and be able to go for walks and get daily exercise. When she's afraid she has 0 interest in food, so distractions with treats do not work. Is there anything else we can do to get her there? It has been two years and there has been almost no improvement.

Okay . The title is too long. But I tried my best to explain the movie. I was very little when I watched it in TV. I watched this between 2003 - 2010 . There is a possibility that this movie is lot old than that. Because the TV used to show very old movies too.
Here grandpa is in mountain or a forest kind of. Girl hates to come and live with grand pa at first. I think she never has met him before. Her parents make her be with grand pa for a month or something time period either because the girl has an illness. So away from town air is good. Or some other issue. Girl slowly gets used to how things happen at grandpa's place , learn to love farming , animals there. Grows very fond of her grand pa. Finally after that time period , her parents come to take her to town. For a doctor visit I guess ( I actually don't exactly remember ) .then she has to leave grand pa.
This is not the end of the movie. I couldn't watch after this point. And I wanna finish watching. And I really love the vibe. If someone can tell me the name. I am really grateful.
Thank you all ♥️

If you’re an outdoor enthusiast like us, you know that food is a crucial part of any camping trip. Whether you’re a seasoned camper or just starting, having a few food hacks up your sleeve can make your outdoor adventure more enjoyable and stress-free. Here are our top 10 camping food hacks, tips, and tricks to elevate your next camping experience.

1. Pre-Made Meal Packets

Hack: Prepare and freeze meal packets at home.
Tip: Use foil or vacuum-sealed bags to pack individual meals. Label each packet with the name and cooking instructions.
Trick: Frozen meals can act as ice packs for your cooler, keeping everything fresh longer. Once thawed, they’re ready to be cooked over the campfire or on a portable stove.

2. DIY Spice Kit

Hack: Create a portable spice rack using a pill organizer.
Tip: Fill each compartment with your favorite spices. Label the sections to avoid confusion.
Trick: This keeps your spices organized and easily accessible, enhancing the flavor of your camp meals without bringing your entire spice rack.

3. Easy Pancake Mix

Hack: Make pancake mix in advance.
Tip: Combine dry ingredients in a ziplock bag. When ready to use, add water directly into the bag, mix, and pour onto a hot griddle.
Trick: Use a squeeze bottle for easy, mess-free pancake batter dispensing.

4. Fire-Ready Meals

Hack: Prepare meals in foil packets.
Tip: Assemble meals like seasoned chicken with veggies or fish with lemon slices in heavy-duty foil. Seal tightly.
Trick: Cook directly on the campfire coals for a simple, delicious meal with minimal cleanup.

5. Homemade Trail Mix

Hack: Customize your own trail mix.
Tip: Combine nuts, dried fruits, seeds, and a touch of chocolate or candy in a resealable bag.
Trick: Portion into single-serving bags for a quick and convenient snack on the go.

6. Campfire Cones

Hack: Make dessert cones filled with sweet treats.
Tip: Stuff waffle cones with marshmallows, chocolate chips, and fruit. Wrap in foil.
Trick: Heat over the campfire until everything melts into gooey perfection.

7. Mason Jar Meals

Hack: Use mason jars for meal prep.
Tip: Layer salads, overnight oats, or even pasta salads in mason jars for easy transport and storage.
Trick: Mason jars are durable and seal tightly, making them perfect for camping.

8. Repackage and Downsize

Hack: Repackage bulky items.
Tip: Transfer items like condiments, cooking oil, and sauces into smaller, travel-friendly containers.
Trick: Use small plastic bottles or travel-size containers to save space and reduce weight in your camping gear.

9. Instant Coffee Bags

Hack: Make your own coffee bags.
Tip: Fill coffee filters with your favorite ground coffee. Tie with string to create a bag.
Trick: Brew like tea bags in hot water for a quick and easy caffeine fix.

10. Keep It Simple

Hack: Plan simple, versatile meals.
Tip: Opt for ingredients that can be used in multiple dishes, like tortillas, beans, cheese, and fresh produce.
Trick: This reduces the amount of food you need to pack and allows for more creative cooking options.

With these camping food hacks, your next outdoor adventure can be as delicious as it is memorable. Preparation is key, and a little creativity goes a long way.