just as everybody else, i’m looking for “the one”
No, i don’t expect you to be perfect. No, i don’t expect that one perfectionism relationship. honestly i look forward to the non-perfect parts of the relationship.
i won’t go into too much about me, as you’ll text if you’re interested and that’s how you’ll learn. But here’s a few things… About Me: I’m african american + Puerto rican, 5’3-5’4, i’m sweet, attentive, communicative, and understanding.
One reg flag for myself is that sometimes i let my anger run actions.
Personally, i prefer somebody who’s taller than me. Somebody who’s older 21-29, somebody emotionally and mentally mature, somebody looking for growth together.
I want to build and eventually get 💍 and give you babies.
eres mi esposo ?

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.

'll keep this short and simple.
The other day I called my wife while she was at a store. When she answered the phone I said " I have a particular set of skills " ( which is a quote from the taken movie ). After that The conversation continued as normal. Later on that night, we were watching a new show we started not too long ago named "Atlanta". Randomly Liam Nesson ( main character from the taken series ) shows up in the show and said the exact same thing I said earlier to my wife, which was " I have a particular set of skills"!
The very next day while in the kitchen, I asked my wife when is the last time you found money. She replies with something simple that's not worth mentioning. Later that evening while driving home, I saw some something that resembled folded paper in the middle of the street. I stopped my car and went to go check it out. Turns out, it's was 180$ folded up jus laying there. To make matters even more weird, before I stumbled upon the 180$ I was just coming back from the store where I spent exactly 180$! Weird right?!
Last but not least, me and my wife were watching one of our favorite shows called " Psych ". I was explaining to her how I used to love watching this show as an teenager. While watching the show, the father in the show ( who was a dignified cop ) called out his son's name to come over. Nothing weird about this... except me realizing that WE SHARE THE SAME EXACT NAME! ( Me and the son!) This raises a flag in my head.
To make this scene even more weird, not only do me and the main character in my favorite show share the same name and I'm just now recognizing it but, my MOTHER is also a dignified cop with 15-20 years under her belt!
Can someone/anyone please explain what is happening here??? Also, Is there a way /method that I can try n use to tap into this unseen hidden quirk??
There are more stories similar to these that happen to us almost EVERYDAY for the past year or so but I'll stop here.

For context, I’m not Thai, I’m American but I’ve always been curious about what serving in the Thai military is like. Im currently in the US military and from what I’ve read about Thai military service, it’s horrendous and is a far cry from serving in a Western military (much less the U.S. military). I’ve heard of beatings, extreme hazing, corruption at the higher ranks, conscripts being used for menial labor, etc. Conscription itself seems to be hated by nearly everyone. And IIRC Thailand has a shockingly high number of flag officers for a military of its size.
How much of this is true though? Are there any “positives” to serving in the Thai military? Even if the service itself is horrible, does the military at least provide those leaving the service with the knowledge and resources to prep for civilian life?
For example, here in the U.S. we have the GI Bill which covers 4 years of college and depending on which variant you choose, you can be paid a decent amount to literally breathe and go to school. There are also a ton of post-service benefits too along with resources for those who are still in. The military can even pay for you to take part-time college courses while you’re still active duty. It’s not perfect but I’m grateful for the benefits that we receive.

No idea if this was discussed on this subreddit or not but how in the world is this not an American? There is the U.S flag behind him in this shot for god sake! Season one ep two btw

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

Before going into it, I want to mention how this post was inspired by three things. One was user u/HastyvonFuego2 and their post on going down the rabbit hole on the Kendrick sub last week. It was also inspired by Childish Gambino’s first album release in nearly 6 years where I have been sitting on this idea for a while but he inspired me to finally post this week like he did (never posted on Reddit at all before so be gentle if I am not doing it right)! I was also inspired by an interview Bino gave to GQ about breaking down his most iconic characters. In this interview he says how This is America started out as a Drake diss but then he realized the song was too hard for just Drake so he kept working on it. He also talks in this interview about how all culture is about compression. Which means that yes, This is America is about the gun violence and police issues in America, but compressed in this video is also more about where that culture comes from which he shows is from a small handful of rap moguls, namely Drake, Diddy and Jay-Z (bear with me on this long post, I think/hope it will be worth it). At the end I talk briefly about how Little Foot Big Foot might be in this same vein of cultural compression.
[Intro: Choir]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go away
The beginning of this song has no background music yet, which really gives it an ‘in the beginning’ feel. Then Gambino starts doing his dances with weird facial expressions. I will explain as we go through his video how those expressions and dance moves represent different famous rap moguls. One easy look to pick out right away is Jay-Z’s famous lip curl/growl look that Gambino gives with a head nod repeatedly. The colonial pants have been a hot topic, but since it’s only the pants that are colonial, Gambino is saying the bottom or basis for this violent culture in America is ultimately colonialism. The lyrics ‘Go Away’, are likely foreshadowing the rap moguls wanting other popular rap rivals to ‘go away’ or they will make them (aka murder them) for profit.
[Bridge: Childish Gambino & Young Thug]
We just wanna party
Party just for you
We just want the money
Money just for you (Yeah)
Usually you want money for yourself and to party for yourself, so this is a bit odd. But what Gambino is referring to is similar to these Diddy ‘freakoff parties’ we are hearing about where people who want to be famous are really partying for these rap moguls so they can get close to them. Where they suck up to them saying that they want to earn the mogul money from their songs.
I know you wanna party
Party just for free
Girl, you got me dancin' (Girl, you got me dancin')
Dance and shake the frame (Yeah)
Then this almost feels like the Diddy rebuttal where he’s like ya I know you want to party and you want to do it for free. Like Katt Williams says, “you gotta tell Diddy no”, it is never free to go to those parties. There are always consequences. When you are partying you are dancing, but shaking the frame could refer to how those boundaries/edges are being crossed, lines are blurred, etc.
Then in the video, the fellow who was playing the guitar gets shot and things turn dark from happy music. I believe that this guitar tune is meant to represent 2Pac and Nas’s song Thugz Mansion. It’s one of the original greats from ‘in the beginning’. Nas famously has always had major issues with Jay-Z too (More on why 2Pac and Nas later). It also represents how it was these moguls who murdered 2Pac like Jaguar Wright and Katt Williams keep saying. Where these murders only lead to more money and fame for the killers when the dead artists’ and their music are exploited more easily.
Also note that the gun gets taken away by a school kid after the shooting, more on this later as well.
[Verse 1: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Blocboy JB & 21 Savage]
This is America (Skrrt, skrrt, woo)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy)
Look how I'm livin' now
Police be trippin' now (Woo)
Yeah, this is America (Woo, ayy)
Guns in my area (Word, my area)
There is a song called Guns in My Area by Lil Weiner and Baby Chapox that paints a vivid picture of the everyday struggles and conflicts faced by those living in communities affected by gun violence. More compression of other songs and the American gun culture.
I got the strap (Ayy, ayy)
I gotta carry 'em
I am almost certain this line is referring to 2Pac’s song Changes. Throughout This is America, Gambino takes lines from Pac’s song: “They get jealous when they see you with your mobile phone” (referred to later in this a Celly, that’s tool) “That's the sound of my tool, you say it ain't cool, My mama didn't raise no fool”
“And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped, And I never get to lay back” It seems like Gambino broke up these lyrics and scattered them throughout his song. This plays into the theme that everyone is using 2Pac and enriching themselves off of his image and music. I show below how this particular section of the video represents Diddy meaning that Diddy himself is exploiting his music (and alleging that Diddy killed Pac?). We could see this exploitation play out at length with how much Diddy milked the death of Biggie like in Every Breath You Take.
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go into this (Ugh)
Yeah, yeah, this is guerilla (Woo)
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go get the bag
The song Gorilla War by $uicideboy$ and Ramirez talks about getting a bag repeatedly in the course. Also in Otis with Kanye and Jay-Z their lyrics talk about going gorilla (I talk about this song more further down), so it could be referring to this as well. It seems like Gambino is trying to pull out lyrics from all across the rap culture and embed them in his song to highlight the ‘cultural compression’.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so cold like, yeah (Yeah)
I'm so dope like, yeah (Woo)
We gon' blow like, yeah (Straight up, uh)
I think that all of the school kids in the video represent all of the rappers that are signed with these big labels. Which is interesting because they are the ones facilitating the guns for the moguls in the video. You can see that the mogul is really focused on the kids and gets agitated and directs them to follow him whenever they stray off a bit like they are his pupils, or like he owns them. Then all of a sudden the camera comes into a scene where you can see more kids shooting a rap video and all shooting money from a Supreme gun. The camera zooms out almost to show you that this is the mogul’s whole rap empire they are looking over, all of their kids in one place (this empire already includes some chaos in the background). It’s subtle but hilarious, Gambino puts fricken chickens on the ground where the kids are filming the rap video. He is directly calling all of these rappers complete chickens for playing up this lifestyle and being the cause of so much chaos rather than coming out and telling somebody what’s really going on. Trying to get their money over everything else.
[Refrain: Choir & Childish Gambino]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
You go tell somebody
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Get your— Black man)
This is where things start to get interesting. Gambino is literally saying, go tell somebody about this! We all know what’s happening, why don’t you go let people know how bad it is? But like Jaguar Wright said, who do you tell when these moguls have the cops and feds paid off? This video is literally Gambino putting it all out there in this extremely popular song for everyone to see but yet we still just see the dancing and the violent chaos of people and police in the streets and not the root cause that is hidden in plain sight.
The vast majority of those who reviewed this video until now think this scene represents the tragic church shooting in Charleston in 2015. I think it does, but we also have to look at this from an angle of compression.
The people in the choir are all of the people who are currently singing the rap mogul’s praises and who are focused on going and getting what’s owed to them, get their money (who are also profiting off of the dead fellows music since it goes back to the original tune). You can see that each choir member has a distinct look to them. Think about who you are hearing about now who is about to be implicated in these freak offs and evil deeds. Is that Will Smith in the back left corner!? The short bald fellow in the front left maybe Kevin Hart? Rick Ross or TD Jakes maybe the bigger guy towards the back right? When the camera zooms in on the choir right at first to show their faces, doesn’t the guy in the bottom middle look like an uncanny version of Jordan Peele? Or is that meant to be Cuba Gooding Jr? Then just like the guitar fellow at the beginning, bang. You may be singing Diddy’s praises now, but he will cut you down whenever he suddenly feels like it.
I think almost for sure this initial section of the music video is Gambino acting as Diddy, because right after he shoots the choir, he does the elbow pump/chicken dance. At 3:14 in Diddy’s video for P.E. 2000 he does the chicken dance (he is up first in the video and I think Gambino is trying to say here I first present to you the first public enemy of 3 in this song). That elbow dance signals that it was Diddy and this is the end of his section.
[Chorus: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Slim Jxmmi & Quavo]
This is America (Woo, ayy)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Woo, woo, don't catch you slippin' now)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy, woah)
Look what I'm whippin' now (Slime!)
There have been many accounts of celebrities being given fancy cars after suffering abuse at the hands of these moguls. So these lyrics are saying that you better not slip up and tell people what’s really going on. And if you don’t look at this sweet carecord deal/movie contract I am going to give you. Beiber told this story about Diddy wanting to give him a luxury car.
Now suddenly, the dance switches from the chicken dance to a sudden bicep flex to signal us that we have now moved on from Gambino representing Diddy to our next mogul.
[Verse 2: Childish Gambino, Quavo, Young Thug, 21 Savage & BlocBoy JB]
This next chunk of the video is all about Jay-Z. I think this is the case because he throws his arms up in a bicep flex just like Jay does in the Otis music video at 2:38. And it makes sense Gambino would pick a dance move from a video with a huge American flag in the background to fit the ‘This is America’ theme. Gambino is mocking him saying, who are you really, the pretty guy or this hard gangster like Gambino shows in his dancing. Also right before they pan to the kids on the balcony, Bino also does Jay-Z’s signature lip curl look a couple times so we know it’s him and to signal the end of his section.
Look how I'm geekin' out (Hey)
I'm so fitted (I'm so fitted, woo)
Jay-Z is famous for making the fitted Yankees cap famous, it’s his signature look. More signs this verse is about Jay.
I'm on Gucci (I'm on Gucci)
Jay-Z has been seen in full wallpaper Gucci sweat suits but could also be referring to Gucci Mane who he hung out with at Beyonce’s tour around the time this song was released.
I'm so pretty (Yeah, yeah, woo)
I'm gon' get it (Ayy, I'm gon' get it)
Watch me move (Blaow)
These lines are probably referring to Jay-Z having a hidden preference for men, especially with the way Gambino flicks his wrist in the video when he says I’m so pretty.
This a celly (Ha)
That's a tool (Yeah)
On my Kodak (Woo) Black
I think that “this a celly, that’s a tool” harkens back to 2Pac’s lyrics in Changes where he sings, “They get jealous when they see ya with your mobile phone” then shortly after that he sings about the sound of his tool, referring to shooting a gun. But Childish flips these lyrics on their head. He is saying that it’s really the phone that’s a tool to be using, not a gun. And pans up and shows (the school kids specifically) on the balcony filming everything going on below. He’s telling the kids/other rappers, use your phone as a tool, you can record these bad deeds when you get blackmailed into being at the freak off. That’s how you can kill them and their career, not with a gun. Go tell somebody! There is also the reference to Kodak which plays into the picture taking theme, but also because Kodak Black has been accused of assaulting a teenage girl in a hotel room. So we have a good idea of what Gambino suggests all the kids start filming and collecting evidence of.
Ooh, know that (Yeah, know that, hold on)
Get it (Woo, get it, get it)
Ooh, work it (21)
Now we are onto Drake’s part. In the video Gambino starts doing the BlocBoy JB dance called Shoot. Drake is known for doing these little viral dance moves like in Hotline Bling. But not only that, this dance is also used in the song that both BlocBoy JB and Drake collaborate on for their video Look Alive. It starts at 2:07 in the Look Alive video. So this is Drake’s dance to signal his part is now starting.
Note this is where the pale horse rides by also potentially saying that Drake is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Interestingly, Drake’s collab with BlocBoy JB was pretty much the apocalypse for BlocBoy’s career, who hasn’t had a hit since.
Hunnid bands, hunnid bands, hunnid bands (Hunnid bands)
Contraband, contraband, contraband (Contraband)
I got the plug in Oaxaca (Woah)
They gonna find you like "blocka" (Blaow)
Again, we know this is Drake’s section because his song 10 bands starts out by saying “10 bands, 50 bands, 100 bands” almost identical to Bino’s lyrics here. Also Blocka was famously used by Biggie in his song Gimme the Loot which could be referring to Biggie's demise like Pac’s and making money from his death. Everything in this industry originates from pushing drugs, which has been alleged through the trafficking that Diddy, Jay-Z and Drake do through their private jets likely connected to their bosses, the Clive Davises and Lucian Grainges of the world. This escalates rap beefs and the whole culture to the next level where murder is often a consequence for young rappers in their prime when international drug lord money is involved.
An interesting point is this is the only time where Childish was about to shoot someone in the video, but where he didn’t have a school kid either handing him the gun or taking it away carefully from him. (Maybe also a diss at Drake that even though he acts hard he doesn’t shoot, he gets his horseman of the apocalypse to do his dirty deeds for him instead perhaps?). This is the beginning of the end for the rap mogul as he no longer has his kids doing his bidding for him. A simple message to show how the violence can be stopped, that these shootings can end when the kids stop enabling them. So then as soon as he can’t react in that moment and shoot someone his anger is forced to chill out, as shown by smoking a J, and to go back to exploiting the dead man’s music instead. If you don’t put a gun in someone’s hand when they are heated, those feelings too shall pass - kinda feel.
[Refrain: Choir, Childish Gambino, & Young Thug]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
America, I just checked my following list, and
You mothafuckas owe me
Whose voice does that sound like!? It sounds a lot like Diddy to me, public enemy #1. This is basically saying that the moguls are the ones who we all owe it to for all of this glorified gun violence in America. That we owe them way more follows and likes for what a massive influence they have had on the violence and chaos we see in America today.
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Black man)
(1, 2, 3—get down)
In Moneybagg Yo’s song 1, 2, 3, he also has a line that says “1, 2, 3, let’s go!” in a similar vein.
But something interesting I came across was Nas’s song Get Down where they use a sample from James Brown's “The Boss” that sounds extremely similar to the way Gambino screams “Get Down!” Which would fit well if the guitar singer from the beginning is meant to be Nas and Pac doing Thugz Mansion.
Also make sure you check out Nas’s song Get Down so that you can hear how much Jay-Z outright copied this song for The Story of OJ. From the musical structure with the piano and interwoven samples right down to the theme reiterated by the sample at the end of Nas’s song: “If that’s how our people are gonna get down, how are we ever gonna get up?”
SZA
Finally to wrap up the video, I have been stumped for a long time as to why SZA is randomly at the end of this video sitting on one of the cars. But I think I finally know why and it reconfirms that this last scene is all about Drake. If you watch Drake’s music video for Worst Behavior (not very Canadian of him to spell behaviour that way I might add) you will see Drake rapping and dancing with a few cars surrounding him and one of those cars has other rappers making cameos in it. In Gambino’s video SZA represents that car with a famous cameo. I think this is further confirmed when the black edges of the video start closing inwards at the end of This is America, the exact same way that Worst Behavior ends. So why SZA as the cameo then? Cause it reminds people that Drake is a p*do.
This is from an article in the Rolling Stone: In 2020, Drake revealed publicly that he and SZA had dated over a decade ago, well before she was an established artist (her earliest music goes back to around 2012; her critical breakthrough, Ctrl, came in 2017). On 21 Savage’s “Mr. Right Now,” Drake rapped about a newer fling who was a fan of SZA’s: “Yeah, said she wanna fuck to some SZA, wait / ‘Cause I used to date SZA back in ’08 / If you cool with it, baby, she can still play.” A few days later, SZA responded, corroborating Drake’s claim with a slight correction: they dated in 2009, when both would have been over 18. Since SZA would not have turned 18 until late 2008, she wanted to set the record straight. “in this case a year of poetic rap license mattered 🥴lol I think he jus innocently rhymed 08 w wait [sic],” she tweeted. “I just didn’t want anybody thinking anything underage or creepy was happening . Completely innocent . Lifetimes ago . [sic]”
If you have to specifically say something isn’t creepy and distance yourself from it being lifetimes ago, it usually is creepy. Drake would’ve been 22 when she was 17. Metro Boomin also happens to be on the Mr. Right Now track. He is currently in trouble for resurfaced old tweets showing how Metro used to tweet disgusting things about what he wanted to do to underage girls. Interestingly, Metro Boomin is also now beefing with Drake.
Drake doing his dance on the car of the original musician’s music seems to be accusing Drake directly of stealing 2Pac’s music. Orlando Brown recently said the cryptic statement that “Drake is Pac” which likely means he stole 2Pac’s approach/style/audience after his death. Gambino did some good foreshadowing here too with the recent AI release Drake put out of 2Pac.
This dance scene also signals that the Drake section is now over.
[Outro: Young Thug]
You just a black man in this world
You just a barcode, ayy
You just a black man in this world
Drivin' expensive foreigns, ayy
You just a big dawg, yeah
I kenneled him in the backyard
No, probably ain't life to a dog
For a big dog
The outro lyrics speak to how these gatekeepers keep black men down and control them with things like being forced to wear a dress to become famous or to submit to homosexual/p*do acts.. In the video, as I mentioned above, the black edges close in on Drake’s dancing scene in This is America. But they don’t completely close and end things like they do in the Worst Behavior video. Instead, in Gambino’s video, the camera pans to show the mogul running for his life with Young Thug’s lyrics almost like a quiet echo in the background. He isn’t running from the cops though, he’s running from the kids and from the public. When I mentioned earlier that the kids not handing over the last gun before Drake’s scene signalled the beginning of the end for the moguls, this is that conclusion. Where it is showing that if all the kids come together to stop enabling and rather expose the moguls, people will be chasing these bastards down once we realize what has been going on behind the curtain. Then the song that Young Thug is singing can just be a quiet echo of the way things were in the past.
If you don’t think Gambino would be this deep and that I went too far down the rabbit hole, do a Google search on the calculations that he came up with for why he sings about loving until 3005 in his song. He seems to go real deep with his lyrics. So a big question this leaves us with is, what did Childish Gambino witness in the rap industry? His whole rap career plays out like he is trying to avoid industry norms.
Even in Sweatpants, he has lyrics like:
No hands like soccer teams and y'all fuck boys like Socrates
You niggas ain't coppin' these, niggas ain't lookin' like me (Nah)
Nah, I ain't checkin' I.D. (Nah), but I bounce 'em with no problem
Seems like he is trying to make it really clear across his catalogue of music that he isn’t a p*do but that other rappers are. Where he is saying that he doesn’t need to ID his potential partners because he can tell they are obviously too young and that’s not hard to do.
Tell 'em, Problem (Problem!)
I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)...
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain
So who was trying to paint him as a villain, Drake? And that’s why the diss was originally meant for him?
Don't be mad 'cause I'm doing me better than you doing you…
Better than you doing you
Fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)
He’s taunting the other rappers cause he knows they can’t say shit if they are creeps. He has the same sentiment in Bonfire “It’s a bonfire, turn the lights out, I’m burning everything you mother fuckers talk about.”
Childish Gambino has always refrained from talking about the meaning of This is America whenever he is asked, and I can only assume that all of this is why.
Little Foot Big Foot
Now with his new release, Little Foot Big Foot and applying cultural compression to it, it has me wondering if he is referring to Megan Thee Stallion and the Nicki beef? People like Nicki (calling Megan Big Foot) have been claiming for some time she wasn’t even shot in the foot by Tory Lanez. There were many people laughing and making fun of Megan over getting shot. Which could be an interesting story for Childish to tell to represent how crazy this violent culture has gotten that people just laugh and blame the victim now when you get shot. Also a good metaphor for things like ‘shooting yourself in the foot’ for not having a lawyer look over potentially predatory industry contracts like in the beginning of his video. That you want to get in the cool kids club so bad you overlook it. Not as sure on this one though since the song just came out and I have only heard it a few times.
One last thing that is really interesting, there have been tons of artists on podcasts like Shay Shay talking about the strings these ultra rich moguls can pull. Like buying awards or gatekeeping people from being in the industry at all. There was even a story, I think maybe it was Gene Deal who told it, that when Killer Mike won at the grammys that Jay-Z was so angry he made sure to mess up his night by getting him locked up as soon as he left the awards stage. These moguls are extremely powerful and have an incredible amount of sway in the world/industry. If you check out Gambino’s profile on Youtube, his old music videos keep getting taken down, like Bonfire for example is just gone. Fans have been having to upload the videos themselves. There is a reply to a comment, on one of the fan uploaded vids, from Gambino’s account himself when someone asks why the videos are being taken down. His account just replies “Noone knows why :(“ Seems a bit odd all things considered and like maybe he has been at the mercy of these gatekeepers for going against the system.
I am so curious to know what the rest of you think about all of this!

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Just got done drying my eyes and trying to come down from the death of Cassius. What a beautiful well written character. From douchebag to brother to scumbag to hero. His arc was truly astounding to me. The back and forth he had with Darrow was one of the best parts in this book for me. Like Cassius was legit funny to me, his quips and banter made a book that was just as bleak as dark age in some parts made it feel so much more digestible. Also I’m not gonna lie I really shipped him and Lyria, I got so giddy when she said she used to blush every time he saw her. Cassius was the true highlight of the book for me.
Darrow’s plight and quest to rediscover himself was refreshing. The mental battle that he had to wage was interesting to watch. Him having it out with Sevro was pretty cool moment too. Best friends sometimes fight and It nice to see them make up and Severo come back to fold.
The action in this book was awesome I know everyone likes Dark Age’s action scenes, but the fight with the Obsidian Fake King felt like a damn anime fight to me. CLANG CLANG CONFESS is such a cold hard line I loved every minute of it. The villains in this book were numerous and compelling. Lysander stole the show for me, watching his slow descent to evil was a treat. I haven’t hated a fictional character like I have hated him in a long time. I hated reading his chapters because this little shit head keeps winning. I want him to feel the stress and anxiety that Darrow feels constantly. Hoping Red God delivers that in some capacity.
Overall, this series is amazing. I haven’t felt this giddy about a book series since I read the Horus Hersey. The world Brown has built is so full and rich. Years of history and social constructs, brutality of war and hatred, love for your family and friends. This book series has it all. I remember reading the first RR book and thinking “huh so this is hunger games in space pft okay” boy I was so wrong. I can’t be believe how small the stakes were back then. Back when Darrow biggest issue was wishing he had some bread to go along with his meat in the institute. I heard some people complain that after Morning Star the reading isn’t as good. Idk what they were smoking because this shit is amazing.
My only question to you guys is what do you want out of Red God? I’m not sure if Brown is done after that but would you want prequels? Immediate sequels or ones set far in the future? Personally, some prequels about the fall of earth would be awesome. They refer to the American and Indian Empires final stands against Luna a lot in the series. I really want more nitty gritty details on that story. Anyways, thanks for reading my post. It was more of ramble but I just finished the book and I’m in shock kinda. Here’s to waiting for Red God!

This is a common theme that I see in the IMG subreddit, and I wanted to blog about it and maybe strike a discussion in terms of everyone seeking rotations and the "mixed preceptor reviews" that people encounter.
Specific hospital or preceptor recommendations for rotations are not going to be everyone's cup of tea. It all depends on the vibes and overall motive that you have. And seeing things as both good and bad.

1. There are some preceptors who are "rude and strict", but want to push students to improve their skills and teach about the reality of the US healthcare system. For some people, this isn't the best learning environment as it can affect personal self-esteem or mental health.
   
2. There are some preceptors who "don't care" or unfortunately even take advantage of students. It's a physician side gig for them after all. We definitely need to mention/RED FLAG these preceptors cause it's ridiculous to spend hard earned money for someone who isn't good at teaching. Attendings can be knowledgeable, but if the preceptor can't teach, then what's the point.
   
3. There are some preceptors who are friendly due to understanding the mutual struggles or have a motherly teaching style. Some are actually knowledgeable preceptors and teach well (what we consider the HIDDEN GEM preceptors), or sometimes "with optimistic rose-tinted glasses" that they let all students get the same strong LOR.
   

What is your overall GOAL when doing clinical rotations? This is the golden question in terms of how to approach clinical rotations with these various techniques.
1) NETWORKING to find a long-term residency and specialty mentor?
2) EXPLORING to see if you like the specialty and its lifestyle? It's absolutely okay to be undecided.
3) LEARNING about the American system and see the current problems in the community?
4) BUSY vs. EASY rotations: Are you wanting to find a busy experience to resemble residency conditions? Or are you wanting to find an easy rotation so that you can simultaneous study for the Steps.
Sometimes trying to do all of these at the same time can be overwhelming, and at times it's better to have a primary focus when doing clinical rotations.

Recently Gates of Hell released the American faction and did a full overhaul of the German faction, leading to a pair of interesting factions with an incredible variety of historically authentic uniforms. You could zoom in on any of the squads and see the diverse uniforms depicted right down to the insignia on their caps and the regiments on their patches. Shermanator’s interview of Chase/Trudel (the lead animator & 3D human artist) gave me faith in the developer’s passion for the history and the game. This made me quite excited, because we have yet to see a British Commonwealth faction but there is some heavy implication that we can expect one in the future.
I wanted to make this thread, because I wanted to express my desire to see elements in the game that would make the Commonwealth faction a wealth of interesting units, uniforms and nationalities, particularly via the doctrines system that exists within the game. The intention is to throw in representatives across all the major nations of the British Commonwealth as well as some of the Allied armies-in-exile that came under British command. I also want to highlight some of the vehicles that are rarely mentioned in other games due to their obscure theatre or role. For the record, I'm not telling the devs what to do - I'm just making some example doctrines that I came up with as an example of the variety of units I'd love to see and making their inclusion plausible. Mostly to get the community talking.
I won’t talk about early war, partially because ‘Early war’ in Gates of Hell is largely post-Dunkirk, but also because I feel like what I am asking is still quite a lot just for one faction across two eras. I also I won’t be mentioning the more obvious or general units like Stuarts, Crusaders, Cromwells, Grants etc, as I expect them to be added nonetheless. It’s the vaguer aspects of the Commonwealth I wanted to talk about; the weird, wonderful and the diverse.
Mid War Doctrines
I think the mid-war should be largely inspired by the North African Campaigns, centred largely on the 8th Army and utilising the huge variety of cultures that fought within it. Extra bits can be added from the Italian campaign where the faction is lacking, and the Italian campaign can also be represented in the ‘Temperate’ skin for the mid-war faction. There are a lot of inspirations one can draw to create a variety of options for the Commonwealth player and each doctrine should draw from their unique aspects.
All-Round: Inspired by the Desert Rats, the 2nd Battle of El Alamein and Operation Crusader this one balances the various aspects of the other doctrines while keeping it unique. I’d like to see the Infantry include British Desert Rats Infantry, 2nd New Zealand Infantry, & 1st South African Infantry. I’d also like to see South African Marmon-Herrington Armoured Cars (multiple variants) as an early-battle option, plenty of the more common tanks and maybe the Bishop as a slow but mobile artillery piece. As a special call-in, we could probably include the Free French Legionaries as a powerful assault unit, just to really complete the variety in this division.
Defensive: Inspired by the Siege of Tobruk, this doctrine should primarily represent the Australians. Variations of the Australian 9th Division troops as infantry alongside minor British elements with a heavy emphasis on field engineers, emplacements and field guns. Defensive doctrine could also include RAF Regiment infantry, RAF 20mm Oerlikon guns, RAF Rolls Royces, India Pattern Carriers (from the Indian 18th Division), air strikes and, as a special unit, they could even have captured Italian tanks from the 6th Australian Division Cavalry Regiment! As a defensive doctrine, they should also have access to the best mid-war field guns, including the rare (but historical) ’Pheasant’ 17/25 Pounder Field Gun.
Offensive: Inspired by the Battle of Tunisia and Operation Torch, I think this one should show off the might of the UK’s heavier vehicles in the latter stages of the African campaign, particularly the Churchill III, Sherman III, the Priest 105mm and the Stuart Command Tank, alongside the more standard British tank options. As for infantry options, we can include Indian troops of the 4th Infantry Division (India), Gurkhas, and a motorised unit of 22nd Guards Infantry. I would also add the British Commandos in this division - partly because they were involved in Operation Torch, but also because they had an iconic impact on the mid-war (outside of Africa) that it would be a pity not to add them.
Irregular: This one would be quite unique in mid-war as it is effectively the light vehicle special forces doctrine. Although some standard British units would form the basis of the army, they would have access to a variety of assets representing the Long Range Desert Group; Chevrolet trucks with mounted Vickers MGs, Boys AT rifles, twin 303 Brownings or even Bofors and captured 20mm Breda guns! ‘Bamtam’ jeeps with twin Vickers Ks or 303 Brownings. The transport and logistics would be different too, using the Marmon-Herrington 6-ton Heavy Truck or the White 1064 10-ton. Other unique special call-ins would include an LRDG WACO Recon plane and the SAS (armed with the Lewes bomb). The downside to this doctrine, however, is that imagine it to be much lighter on armoured support, relying mostly on towed guns for its heavy firepower.
Other Units: I’ve tried to use inspirations from specific parts of the war to get a rounded but also diverse array of units, but there are loads of obscure units across the mid-war that I’d love to see; the Priest 105mm SPG, the AEC Deacon Gun Carrier, the Daimler Dingo, the Humber Light Reconnaissance, and so on.
That is as much as I want to say on mid-war without labouring the point. I’m sure there’s interesting things I’ve missed accidentally, and I’m afraid there’s some I have missed on purpose. For example, I considered the Australian Matilda Hedgehog, but it turned out to be late war and never used. I also considered the Greek and the Czech Division, but I think I’ve already stretched it too far as regards voice acting alone without adding units that, as distinguished their service might be, are just too obscure without adding anything extra - appearance or gameplay. That said, my hat would go off to the devs if they achieved that.
Late War Doctrines
Here we get to represent the Commonwealth units from Operation Overlord up until Operation Varsity.
All-Round: The quintessential British doctrine, combining bog-standard infantry with hardy tanks and a decent array of equipment. Partially based on Gold Beach, but also Operation Varsity/Plunder towards the end of the war, I would personally give them 50th (Northumbrian) Infantry, RAF Regiment Gunners, RAF Humber Light AC, Churchill AVRE, the Cruiser Mk. VIII Challenger and the Comet. Maybe give them some 6th Airlanding troops and 1st Canadian Parachute Infantry as a reference to the Normandy paratroopers if we feel they need more skilled infantry.
Offensive: The Canadian Doctrine - mostly inspired by the First Canadian Army in Normandy with elements of their experiences later on (including the Battle of the Schelt and Operation Veritable) with the doctrine largely focused on armoured assault infantry. They’ll look quite unique compared to the British because their uniforms were greener and they were the first to use the British-designed Mk.III helmet at D-Day. Troops of the 3rd Canadian Infantry Division as standard, supported by assault infantry. Eventually, armoured infantry can spawn in Buffalos (used at the Battle of the Schelt) and, as a special call-in, Ram Kangaroo APCs (sporting an armoured MG turret). The Otter armoured car would be an early call-in, with M4A1 Sherman Grizzly tanks as well as Ram IIs available in the standard tank tab. Some unique but limited special call-ins would include the Skink AA tank (of which 2 saw historical combat in Normandy) as well as a skilled sniper wielding the Ross rifle.
Defensive: Just as the US Defensive doctrine features the 101st Airborne (no doubt inspired by the Battle of Bastogne), the British Defensive doctrine can feature the British Airborne - particularly based on the defense of Arnhem Bridge in the Netherlands as part of Market Garden. Infantry units can include the 52nd (Lowland) Infantry, 1st Airborne Paratroopers, 1st Airlanding Infantry, Parachute Squadron Royal Engineers and 1st (Polish) Independent Paratroopers (who are distinctive with their grey berets). Armoured units can include the Tetrarch and the M22 Locust. To suit their defensive doctrine, they should get some decent guns and I’m thinking the airborne jeep-towed 20mm Polsten Gun, airborne 17th Pounder as well as (in a departure from the Parachute theme) the BL 7.2-inch howitzer. The Patchett sub-machine gun could make an appearance here too.
Irregular: Based on Sword Beach, Commandos and the 79th Armoured Division, with the more unusual units in the British arsenal. Probably with 3rd Infantry Division Infantry as standard, this unit could have access to No.41 (Royal Marine) Commandos, Fusilier Marines Commandos (based on No.4 Commando’s assault on Ouestreham), the Centaur Mk.IV QF 95mm, the Sherman DD, the Churchill Crocodile and Royal Engineer Assault Teams deployed in the cute Terrapin 4-ton Amphibious. If we want to be really wacky, we could even add the M3 Grant CDL (an unarmed searchlight tank) for armoured spotting, similar to the 150cm Flakscheinwerfer searchlight.
Other Units: Further unique units that would fit in any one (or multiple) of these divisions (based on balance) include the Land Mattress Rocket Launcher, the Loyd Carrier, the Universal Carrier WASP (flamethrower), the Sexton SPG, Sherman Firefly, the Archer TD, Achilles TD, the Priest Kangaroo, the Morris C8, Staghound and so on. There are SO many strange and obscure British vehicles that don’t often see the light of day, but would be perfect for Gates of Hell.
Post-release Doctrines -
More of a final thought than anything else, but if/when the Japanese get added into the game, I’d love to see a fifth doctrine to represent the British 14th Army to match the Japanese. A doctrine that is mostly comprised of Indian infantry and Indian tanks, with representation from the East/West African Divisions, Gurkhas and the British 2nd or 36th Infantry Divisions. Special call-ins could include the Chindits (using Thompsons and the Jungle Carbine) and paratroopers of the 50th Indian Parachute Brigade. If we’re feeling generous enough to allow the doctrine to encompass the Pacific Islands as well, we could also include an Australian squad armed with the Owen SMG, South Pacific Scouts, the Matida Frog (flamethrower) and the Matilda QF 3-Inch.
Conclusion: I apologise for such a long read. But I hope we see how a bit of ambition could really help the Commonwealth stand out and be worthy of the variety seen in the other factions since their overhaul. While the Germans have Spanish soldiers in their ranks, the Commonwealth can see the UK, Canada, India, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Poland, and France (and technically Nepal) all get some recognition. While the German Kriegsmarine and Luftwaffe stand out on the field, the Commonwealth might get the distinctive blue battledress of the RAF Regiment, or the long white tunics of the Foreign Legion. We would see such a variety of hats including pith helmets, berets, kepis, dastars, keffiyehs and slouch hats. Some units, like the LRDG vehicles, might even stand out as unique from any of the nations already in the game. It’s a lot of colourful uniforms, a lot of voices and a lot of strange and wonderful machines.
However, it does come with its downsides. Firstly, Africa and Europe are such dramatically different theatres that their version of mid & late war are incredibly different to one another. So much so that the depth of variety might make the faction too big, making it a lot of effort for the art department (especially with uniforms changing for the map’s climate. Imagine making skins for temperate, desert AND snow). The second issue is whether France is getting its own faction in future iterations of the game (the French flag appears in the loading screen during Axis vs Allies games). The final (and probably biggest) issue is voice acting. I’m no expert on games development, but I gather that getting enough voice actors for a faction is hard enough as it is without having to accurately represent 9 countries at once. I would love to hear the developer’s thoughts on the matter - whether such a project is within the game’s scope and if they have the ambition to take it this far.
Do let me all know what you think as well.

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(this will be long but detailed like a romance novel)
For most of my life, I was faced with obstacles and hardships. But always believed in my capacity to change. Without this belief, I wouldn't be here now telling you all my story...and the ultimate reunion with him...I wonder would it be better if were to tell you all my story of us individually ? Though my hunch is its best to get straight to it. what I'm hoping for is that anyone here was wondering if their TF is their real TF or how others journey is going. I think by being pedantically transparent can be left for others to interpret. Personally, the common themes of my TF experience so far is...its never been a feeling of having to be together as a goal but having true company...true growth. Its a pure love for another human. We are learning a great deal from one another and on heading the same trajectory. I'm leaving out my signs that we both are connected. I hope my story reflects the layers of duality.
In 2020, everything from the universe was telling me to slow down. I had sprained both my ankles and was out for much of the year and on top of that had to sit with all my decisions. Upon doing a life assessment, I found both my self love/worth and strength of convictions and the courage to navigate new decisions. Out with the old and completely in with the new. When an idea dies, it truly dies. I buried that year: the old parts of me, friendships, career, habits, yadda yadda.
2021 emerges, I'm working on the same Project and was arranging my pay rate with this , at this point unbeknownst to me, my TF. Our communication from the get go was easy and smooth. Though we also had obviously annoyances. He would control when I get information (getting in my way) which affected my jobs at some points but most part it was interesting. Upon meeting at a location for the first time (work related), We both had our face masks. As he enters ... I say his name and look at his eyes. There was a long silence and what seemed to be an instant knowingness. At that moment, I was quite in disbelief as I haven't been in a relationship for 8 years. I wanted to know who I was in my entirety and to truly know what its like to be in a relationship with myself. This being said, I thought nothing of it and made a small fleeting note. "hmm?" He just kept staring at my eyes. I believe this is when we read "love at first sight" or "attraction at first sight" and completely recognition.
Each week he would try to talk with me, though I found he was a bit suspicious. I would be really outwardly weird, reactive by being surprised to indifferent. This would go on for weeks, he gave up and ignored me, then I realized I didn't need to be so cold. But its like, how am I in that current moment take all this "mystical" "magical" "fairytale" type connection ? Anyways...I started studying him, I found it was quite easy to know who he is. Everyone says "he's so calm" that he is. But I also sensed is anxieties, when he is trying to investigate me but covering up that he needs some work document, I simply, understand without fuss, what's really going on underneath the surface. I was sitting at a desk listening to someone and I quickly knew my TF was walking pass my office. As he is passing, time completely stops, i was bothered by him looking at him so I gave him an angry eye stare (with face mask) show down but suddenly my eyes soften and we are in trance. On our project, we had a 2 week break for the holidays...Upon return it is now 2022
2022: Upon return, he was indifferent to my eccentricities, I took the break to sit with myself as to how to approach him in the new year...I asked him how his break was....he looks down takes a deep sigh. And for the longest time...it seems he is reflecting and withholding. For some reason, I KNEW he was with a karmic. He didn't seem happy and was quite tired. He replies that it was very....and to which I expressed by cutting off mid-sentence "tiring and instead of rejuvenation" ....he goes "exactly" This right here is when I truly believed that this experience is special. At this point, I didn't really think of him as TF. In fact, I didn't really believe in this concept till now.
One day TF bumps into me by some stairs, It surprised me and as he is walking by he tells me simply "Its okay, I'm the same way"...I look back as he is walking up the stairs and we look into each others eyes. We go back to our busy work day. I felt so sad honestly, was less focused on him and more on how to get off the project and endure my condescending bosses. I also was quite touched by his integrity and compassion and forgiveness. I felt completely accepted by him and I to him.
The day came when the projected was completed, I was onto another one. The last day I went into his office and wanted to express my gratitude. Of course he wasn't there, he is overseeing two projects at the same time...I walked away that show feeling renewed hope. That this "TF" , again unbeknownst to me at that time, was a beacon...Finally...there is someone out there that does get me and accepts me. I was sad that I didn't take the opportunity sooner and left with an important lesson.
"Don't ever give up, Own who you are even if there will be those that don't like you, but there will be someone out there for me again. And when that happens, I won't allow my weirdness to stop me"
There was no connection or reason to reach out as it wasn't a practical tangible and socially acceptable to do so. We really didn't build anything but having small fleeting moments. So I go on and do my life...
Meanwhile, Throughout this experience I've had vivid dreams. 2021 our first meeting and upon knowing he is in a relationship with his karmic. I had a dream where we were at a MALL and he was following me (just like he was in real life...investigating me...putting me on ice for later) I look back at him and suddenly , the concrete structures of the mall slowly , like soft clouds, moved to block us.
2022 I had a dream where I was at this apartment complex for a party, I get back into a vehicle to then someone saying "you need to go back and get your stuff because there is no going back". I go back to the apartment knock on the door and to my surprise a skinny woman with long black hair and a blurred face opens the door. MY TF is in the BG and so very distinct. Suddenly, I'm transported into a 1940's traditional American home...where the interiors were wood crafted beams, crown moldings, leather arm chairs. bartenders with bow tie and vest. The same woman asks me " are you here to party?! let me know you around!" she guides me everywhere then MY TF appears and was so vivid. I left the party through a window and down a vine lattice.
2023 Now all this time in this story, we didn't talk with one another. It was a short period and we moved on. I'm doing my own projects and then unemployed, struggling to find work. While, on his end ..his karmic and him broke up in may. In which, I had another dream.
We were just talking about astrophotography, it was now just him and I. In a white room with aluminum framed windows and a glass desk. He then asked me "so how's your career going?" then I woke up feeling unworthy of him. That he is right...how can I be in a relationship if my own life isn't together?
Toward the end of 2023, I accidentally butt dialed him. A few days later, he texts me back "did I get a miss call from you? :-)" I knew he was interested to get to know me. But he was traveling around...at this point I wasn't aware he broke up with his gf...and that he was going through so much. I would want to talk on the phone vs text but felt he was very avoidant of me. Essentially, one day he said he was available to talk on a sunday. I took a break from work to call him. He never answered nor did he even get back in touch with me. I figured oh well move on.
2024 4 weeks ago .I'm reactivating my facebook and to see he added me as a friend and we started chatting again briefly on messenger. During the messages, he would try to bait me to go to someones memorial. It seemed he wanted to see me but went a round about way of doing so. I told him I wouldn't want to go as its dishonest. I didn't know here at all. We talked about our ideas on opportunity, what it means to live . I was only on there to find a job and to reconnect with some contacts. Since it wasn't useful, I closed it. He then hunted me down outside facebook "I tried messenging you on fb and it says i'm blocked" to which I replied "I deactivated as ALL those annoying strangers and ads". Since then we have been chatting on text. BUT hes very controlling ...I can sense him fighting being transparent. We just shooting the shit and I told him I was baking cookies to which I come to discover he has serious control issues with sweets. Now the other bait, He wanted me to bake him something and that we could meet up to just talk.
We finally reunite 3 weeks ago...it was an interesting deep night. Ranging from philosophy, values, beliefs on parenting, he ranted though on and on about all his women friends and his ex. I knew then...that tonight isn't for us ...its for him. I felt more like a resource because of what he didn't want to talk about "us" and how detailed he got with his ex. Saying things like "and she was beautiful" ..."I feel regret....I don't trust anyone with who doesn't have regret" to suddenly cutting him off here and there to change it around. Everything combined I thought he was regretting his break up. He was quite rude when I expressed "Since you are sharing yours, I should share you mine" after all he wanted to get to know my journey. But the night was anything but his. He says "not necessarily" and to which I respond "but these stories are for your healing and lesson" NOW i got his attention.
Time again froze, It seemed like we just sat down but its now been 4 hours. He shared his stories of not only exes now, how his father died when he was 16 and my was abuse and homelessness etc. We even cried during these reflective sharing's. Now the place is about to close, I still wanted more time with him. We went over to a diner across the street. As we sit, there is so many details I'm trying to leave out that shows his protection of me. From a waiter being passive aggressive that we aren't ordering anything. Now we are into our conversations, he changes his word regret to remorse...and connecting it to his present moment of deciding new priorities/ ideas. We go on and on to eventually having some light moments of talking about the countries flags decor and trying to guess what country is what flag. Suddenly, I get some intuition that we should check on our cars...we leave and again time froze its now been 4 hours but it felt like we just sat down. Our cars ended up being booted lol as if the universe is saying keep sticking to each other. As we walk across, he notices this crazy furry item , I knew he was trying to prevent me from being scared. AND I knew that its time for some over the top reaction. I wanted to crack a smile on him. " I freeze and scream out wtf is that?! and stuttering his name loudly" He laughs so hard. As we get to the car...he says "how did you know. You called it" He pays for my boot. we sit under the cloudy night sky by some bistro outdoor seating waiting .
The next morning, I realized I am him. I literally absorbed all his states and emotions. He texted me "good morning these cookies are delicious" to which i sent him a meme of lama "my last brain cell working". He responds "I hope I wasn't too intense last night" and for some reason that text, given i was using his drives/emotions from the previous night" and suddenly felt he was so selfish. I told him that I can't keep being a resource to someone, that I came out under the impression that it was mutual and that I am not capable of feeling the burden of every woman's mistakes. That I sincerely wish him the best..even if its not with me.
He replies "you are special" "i'm just coming out of my own" to which I said "yep..that's understandable"
Weeks go by now its present time.
I am seriously going through the ups and downs of my growth, complete turmoil, questioning my decisions. Should I have sent that text? I told myself to not allow this opportunity to go to waste when I left the project in 2021. I'm crying, I start realizing more and more how insecure I am. Why is his actions determination of my worth? rejection and abandonment issues arise. Now I decided to follow my angel numbers and decided to face my challenges LIVE. Instead of avoiding and ignoring these issues, I decided to just message him ...my vulnerability and thoughts about us regardless what his reaction could be on his end. I kept going back and forth why he is deceptive during our date and why some questions disappeared into thin air. But I marched on anyway. Essentially, I said that we were meant to be in each others lives, regardless of outcome, or if we were to find love or not.
To my surprise, on his end, he made some changes. He was out of town taking care of his mother and I told him that if you're up for it, lets grab coffee to catch up. He replies "I'd really like that" this is the first time I think he attempted to be open with his feelings.
Last night, I had a dream I was in a MALL again...across from me, I See him barging in with a walk of conviction and went straight to the escalator. His face was grey and almost falling off. I texted him to see if he was okay and told him about the dream. He was very different this time around, he was receptive, he changed and started to act on my running away text. He started to ask me questions, how I am doing which fixes the initial issue of not being special and feeling used. How interesting we are meeting our growth goals at the same time. A mall represents changes/ new ideas/ values etc. How interesting we are constantly in a mall and how reflective that is in our reality.
We are hanging out this Saturday :-)
I can only hope we meet our challenges whenever that may be, romance would be nice, having a life together. But I'm just glad I'm in this experience...

(this will be long but detailed like a romance novel)
For most of my life, I was faced with obstacles and hardships. But always believed in my capacity to change. Without this belief, I wouldn't be here now telling you all my story...and the ultimate reunion with him...I wonder would it be better if were to tell you all my story of us individually ? Though my hunch is its best to get straight to it. what I'm hoping for is that anyone here was wondering if their TF is their real TF or how others journey is going. I think by being pedantically transparent can be left for others to interpret. Personally, the common themes of my TF experience so far is...its never been a feeling of having to be together as a goal but having true company...true growth. Its a pure love for another human. We are learning a great deal from one another and on heading the same trajectory. I'm leaving out my signs that we both are connected. I hope my story reflects the layers of duality.
In 2020, everything from the universe was telling me to slow down. I had sprained both my ankles and was out for much of the year and on top of that had to sit with all my decisions. Upon doing a life assessment, I found both my self love/worth and strength of convictions and the courage to navigate new decisions. Out with the old and completely in with the new. When an idea dies, it truly dies. I buried that year: the old parts of me, friendships, career, habits, yadda yadda.
2021 emerges, I'm working on the same Project and was arranging my pay rate with this , at this point unbeknownst to me, my TF. Our communication from the get go was easy and smooth. Though we also had obviously annoyances. He would control when I get information (getting in my way) which affected my jobs at some points but most part it was interesting. Upon meeting at a location for the first time (work related), We both had our face masks. As he enters ... I say his name and look at his eyes. There was a long silence and what seemed to be an instant knowingness. At that moment, I was quite in disbelief as I haven't been in a relationship for 8 years. I wanted to know who I was in my entirety and to truly know what its like to be in a relationship with myself. This being said, I thought nothing of it and made a small fleeting note. "hmm?" He just kept staring at my eyes. I believe this is when we read "love at first sight" or "attraction at first sight" and completely recognition.
Each week he would try to talk with me, though I found he was a bit suspicious. I would be really outwardly weird, reactive by being surprised to indifferent. This would go on for weeks, he gave up and ignored me, then I realized I didn't need to be so cold. But its like, how am I in that current moment take all this "mystical" "magical" "fairytale" type connection ? Anyways...I started studying him, I found it was quite easy to know who he is. Everyone says "he's so calm" that he is. But I also sensed is anxieties, when he is trying to investigate me but covering up that he needs some work document, I simply, understand without fuss, what's really going on underneath the surface. I was sitting at a desk listening to someone and I quickly knew my TF was walking pass my office. As he is passing, time completely stops, i was bothered by him looking at him so I gave him an angry eye stare (with face mask) show down but suddenly my eyes soften and we are in trance. On our project, we had a 2 week break for the holidays...Upon return it is now 2022
2022: Upon return, he was indifferent to my eccentricities, I took the break to sit with myself as to how to approach him in the new year...I asked him how his break was....he looks down takes a deep sigh. And for the longest time...it seems he is reflecting and withholding. For some reason, I KNEW he was with a karmic. He didn't seem happy and was quite tired. He replies that it was very....and to which I expressed by cutting off mid-sentence "tiring and instead of rejuvenation" ....he goes "exactly" This right here is when I truly believed that this experience is special. At this point, I didn't really think of him as TF. In fact, I didn't really believe in this concept till now.
One day TF bumps into me by some stairs, It surprised me and as he is walking by he tells me simply "Its okay, I'm the same way"...I look back as he is walking up the stairs and we look into each others eyes. We go back to our busy work day. I felt so sad honestly, was less focused on him and more on how to get off the project and endure my condescending bosses. I also was quite touched by his integrity and compassion and forgiveness. I felt completely accepted by him and I to him.
The day came when the projected was completed, I was onto another one. The last day I went into his office and wanted to express my gratitude. Of course he wasn't there, he is overseeing two projects at the same time...I walked away that show feeling renewed hope. That this "TF" , again unbeknownst to me at that time, was a beacon...Finally...there is someone out there that does get me and accepts me. I was sad that I didn't take the opportunity sooner and left with an important lesson.
"Don't ever give up, Own who you are even if there will be those that don't like you, but there will be someone out there for me again. And when that happens, I won't allow my weirdness to stop me"
There was no connection or reason to reach out as it wasn't a practical tangible and socially acceptable to do so. We really didn't build anything but having small fleeting moments. So I go on and do my life...
Meanwhile, Throughout this experience I've had vivid dreams. 2021 our first meeting and upon knowing he is in a relationship with his karmic. I had a dream where we were at a MALL and he was following me (just like he was in real life...investigating me...putting me on ice for later) I look back at him and suddenly , the concrete structures of the mall slowly , like soft clouds, moved to block us.
2022 I had a dream where I was at this apartment complex for a party, I get back into a vehicle to then someone saying "you need to go back and get your stuff because there is no going back". I go back to the apartment knock on the door and to my surprise a skinny woman with long black hair and a blurred face opens the door. MY TF is in the BG and so very distinct. Suddenly, I'm transported into a 1940's traditional American home...where the interiors were wood crafted beams, crown moldings, leather arm chairs. bartenders with bow tie and vest. The same woman asks me " are you here to party?! let me know you around!" she guides me everywhere then MY TF appears and was so vivid. I left the party through a window and down a vine lattice.
2023 Now all this time in this story, we didn't talk with one another. It was a short period and we moved on. I'm doing my own projects and then unemployed, struggling to find work. While, on his end ..his karmic and him broke up in may. In which, I had another dream.
We were just talking about astrophotography, it was now just him and I. In a white room with aluminum framed windows and a glass desk. He then asked me "so how's your career going?" then I woke up feeling unworthy of him. That he is right...how can I be in a relationship if my own life isn't together?
Toward the end of 2023, I accidentally butt dialed him. A few days later, he texts me back "did I get a miss call from you? :-)" I knew he was interested to get to know me. But he was traveling around...at this point I wasn't aware he broke up with his gf...and that he was going through so much. I would want to talk on the phone vs text but felt he was very avoidant of me. Essentially, one day he said he was available to talk on a sunday. I took a break from work to call him. He never answered nor did he even get back in touch with me. I figured oh well move on.
2024 4 weeks ago .I'm reactivating my facebook and to see he added me as a friend and we started chatting again briefly on messenger. During the messages, he would try to bait me to go to someones memorial. It seemed he wanted to see me but went a round about way of doing so. I told him I wouldn't want to go as its dishonest. I didn't know here at all. We talked about our ideas on opportunity, what it means to live . I was only on there to find a job and to reconnect with some contacts. Since it wasn't useful, I closed it. He then hunted me down outside facebook "I tried messenging you on fb and it says i'm blocked" to which I replied "I deactivated as ALL those annoying strangers and ads". Since then we have been chatting on text. BUT hes very controlling ...I can sense him fighting being transparent. We just shooting the shit and I told him I was baking cookies to which I come to discover he has serious control issues with sweets. Now the other bait, He wanted me to bake him something and that we could meet up to just talk.
We finally reunite 3 weeks ago...it was an interesting deep night. Ranging from philosophy, values, beliefs on parenting, he ranted though on and on about all his women friends and his ex. I knew then...that tonight isn't for us ...its for him. I felt more like a resource because of what he didn't want to talk about "us" and how detailed he got with his ex. Saying things like "and she was beautiful" ..."I feel regret....I don't trust anyone with who doesn't have regret" to suddenly cutting him off here and there to change it around. Everything combined I thought he was regretting his break up. He was quite rude when I expressed "Since you are sharing yours, I should share you mine" after all he wanted to get to know my journey. But the night was anything but his. He says "not necessarily" and to which I respond "but these stories are for your healing and lesson" NOW i got his attention.
Time again froze, It seemed like we just sat down but its now been 4 hours. He shared his stories of not only exes now, how his father died when he was 16 and my was abuse and homelessness etc. We even cried during these reflective sharing's. Now the place is about to close, I still wanted more time with him. We went over to a diner across the street. As we sit, there is so many details I'm trying to leave out that shows his protection of me. From a waiter being passive aggressive that we aren't ordering anything. Now we are into our conversations, he changes his word regret to remorse...and connecting it to his present moment of deciding new priorities/ ideas. We go on and on to eventually having some light moments of talking about the countries flags decor and trying to guess what country is what flag. Suddenly, I get some intuition that we should check on our cars...we leave and again time froze its now been 4 hours but it felt like we just sat down. Our cars ended up being booted lol as if the universe is saying keep sticking to each other. As we walk across, he notices this crazy furry item , I knew he was trying to prevent me from being scared. AND I knew that its time for some over the top reaction. I wanted to crack a smile on him. " I freeze and scream out wtf is that?! and stuttering his name loudly" He laughs so hard. As we get to the car...he says "how did you know. You called it" He pays for my boot. we sit under the cloudy night sky by some bistro outdoor seating waiting .
The next morning, I realized I am him. I literally absorbed all his states and emotions. He texted me "good morning these cookies are delicious" to which i sent him a meme of lama "my last brain cell working". He responds "I hope I wasn't too intense last night" and for some reason that text, given i was using his drives/emotions from the previous night" and suddenly felt he was so selfish. I told him that I can't keep being a resource to someone, that I came out under the impression that it was mutual and that I am not capable of feeling the burden of every woman's mistakes. That I sincerely wish him the best..even if its not with me.
He replies "you are special" "i'm just coming out of my own" to which I said "yep..that's understandable"
Weeks go by now its present time.
I am seriously going through the ups and downs of my growth, complete turmoil, questioning my decisions. Should I have sent that text? I told myself to not allow this opportunity to go to waste when I left the project in 2021. I'm crying, I start realizing more and more how insecure I am. Why is his actions determination of my worth? rejection and abandonment issues arise. Now I decided to follow my angel numbers and decided to face my challenges LIVE. Instead of avoiding and ignoring these issues, I decided to just message him ...my vulnerability and thoughts about us regardless what his reaction could be on his end. I kept going back and forth why he is deceptive during our date and why some questions disappeared into thin air. But I marched on anyway. Essentially, I said that we were meant to be in each others lives, regardless of outcome, or if we were to find love or not.
To my surprise, on his end, he made some changes. He was out of town taking care of his mother and I told him that if you're up for it, lets grab coffee to catch up. He replies "I'd really like that" this is the first time I think he attempted to be open with his feelings.
Last night, I had a dream I was in a MALL again...across from me, I See him barging in with a walk of conviction and went straight to the escalator. His face was grey and almost falling off. I texted him to see if he was okay and told him about the dream. He was very different this time around, he was receptive, he changed and started to act on my running away text. He started to ask me questions, how I am doing which fixes the initial issue of not being special and feeling used. How interesting we are meeting our growth goals at the same time. A mall represents changes/ new ideas/ values etc. How interesting we are constantly in a mall and how reflective that is in our reality.
We are hanging out this Saturday :-)
I can only hope we meet our challenges whenever that may be, romance would be nice, having a life together. But I'm just glad I'm in this experience...

Long rant ahead, pretty disorganized as well as it was initially a reply on another post before I decided to make it its own post. Apologies!
As an Israeli, it's absolutely incredible to me how this conflict, which has nothing to do with the Westerners' public, takes up such a significant part of their lives. There are countless other significantly worse conflicts, tremendously worse global problems (climate change, the lingering effects of COVID, resources dwindling for humanity as a whole, pollution, etc.), the heaps of domestic issues (especially in the US) - and this far away conflict in a piece of land smaller than some major world cities is the biggest focus of some of these peoples' lives.
This isn't whataboutism, I'm not saying people can't take an interest with issue X just because there exists a worse issue Y. The point is the amount of time people are spending on this vs. other issues, even if we put aside the fact that they are all ignorant, completely misinformed useful idiots.
These "activists" are fully investing their time in this completely irrelevant issue to them. I was just visiting the US, and I passed by a virtue-signaling house in Seattle. It had it all - BLM, pride flag, and others. All worthy causes. But those were all small signs on the side of the house, but on the front was a gigantic Palestinian flag with a gigantic "free Palestine" slogan as well. Really?! This is the issue you're spending energy on and bringing the most awareness to? Not BLM, not LGBT, both of which are incredibly relevant to you and your country? Do black people, your actual fellow countrymen, no longer face racism? Do LGBT not get harassed or suffer violence?
And let's not forget another big elephant in the room - none of them speak up at all against antisemitism. So what, human rights activists, but Jews Don't Count? Hell, forget speaking up - many of them ENDORSE violence against Jews (and as we've seen from many of their protests, they're just violent in general). Unbelievable hypocrites, so it's "Palestinians are not Hamas" on the one hand, but every single Jew on the planet is complicit in whatever blood libel you've concocted?
Like with Jews in general, their hatred of every single Israeli alive is also massively hypocritical and obviously vile and wrong. I've not seen a single people alive receive as much hate as we do purely based on our nationality. Even those other nations that experience such hate online, it'd usually be isolated to receiving it from whatever nation they are in conflict with. Are Russian immigrants expected to give answers about the war? Do Chinese immigrants get hate for their government's actions? And so on.
I'm 35 years old and a computer nerd, and pretty much since I can remember myself, I would receive hate and contempt online just for mentioning I'm Israeli. Whenever we would take a trip abroad, my parents would make sure to tell us to always say we're from some other country if asked. Do you have any idea what an impact this has on a kid, growing up knowing he needs to be afraid to mention where he is? How difficult it was to understand why people might harm us when I'm just a kid, never did anything to anyone in my short life?
The amount of propaganda out there is just astonishing. It is mostly driven by Iran, Russia, and Qatar. It is extremely hard to fight this with such a small country as Israel, especially when our PR is disastrous and more often than not, it's regular people who do the job instead of officials. And Westerners eat it up, as well as apply their local race politics (mostly Americans) to the conflict when it has nothing to do with it, not to mention how they're completely unaware that even if it was relevant, the majority of Israelis are Mizrahi Jews, "brown" as Americans love to say, and on the flip side a sizeable amount of Palestinians are white skinned themselves, hell a lot of Levantines are like Syrians and Lebanese. Druze are basically 100% levantine and are pretty white skinned. Anyway, yeah, skin color has nothing to do with it, which is probably head error-inducing for Americans used to making it all about race.
It's depressing. And it honestly seems hopeless to battle it, we can't stand up to the incredible propaganda machine working against us constantly. Couple it with people generally prone to fall for populist rubbish and be ignorant in general, it's a losing battle.

2296, The scene is set in a post apocalyptic Mojave desert, 15 years after a joint effort of the New California Republic, the Rangers, and the mysterious benefactor of the New Vegas Strip, Mr. House pushed back an attempted invasion of the Mojave and a final battle was waved for control of the hydroelectric powerhouse, Hoover Damm.
In the aftermath, Mr. House was removed from power discreetly, due to the actions of a wasteland wanderer on a mission for revenge, known only as the Courier. Mr. House's iconic Lucky 38 casino opened its doors, for the first time, offering a single floor casino and bar, it's upstairs remained an exclusive and mysterious meeting place for the New Vegas Strip's elite. The Lucky 38 represented one of the cleanest, most secure facilities, protected, like the rest of the strip, by the Securitron Mk 2, predominantly. Their presence ensured visitors on the Strip behaved themselves, though the other casinos maintained their own security and 'house rules' internally.
The Strip defined and maintained its status as an independent entity, determining through the Courier's observations that the NCR was stretching it's military might too thin, and couldn't realistically manage over the Strip and Mojave, so a new deal was struck, similar to the prior, but with The Strip extending it's Securitron security to enforce the immediately surrounding communities and a few outlying satelites. Trade to the surrounding areas increased, the Mojave benefitting from the prewar tech, pre-programmed security forces. The drug addicted fiends and other Raider groups would never be any match for their advanced weaponry, and ultimately were cleared out of existence.
The King's continued to watch over Freeside, making alliances with the Follower's of the Apocalypse... their desire to service the needs of the belittled, disadvantaged and destitute lined up, and this is where Mr. Wolf found his place in the story... the Courier and a Follower's doctor found love in the wasteland.... and raised a child together under a Ranger's flag... 23 years later? This is New Vegas...
A handsome man in a leather jacket sat in a dusty leather booth watching one of the girls dance on a pole, shaking her ass as bottle caps clinked on the stage in front of her. It was a swanky post apocalyptic casino strip club. A man in a leather jacket stood nearby, his hands crossed in front of his chest, "Kings" embroidered across the back in silver letters. A waitress approached him carrying a glass of some amber colored liquor, and sat it down at the half moon table. She lingered a moment in her lacey body suit, following his gaze up to the girl rubbing her tits in some older cowboys face.
"You don't get jealous seeing her like that, Mr. Wolf." The girl bit her lip and met his eyes as he picked up his glass and swirled it before giving it a smell and taking a slow swig. He tilted his head looking her over. She couldn't possibly be older then 19. Tight, perky little thing.
Mr. Wolf smirked and shook his head. "I like her... nice and wet when she comes to my bed."
The girl blushed and bit her lip. "So you like to watch?" She surmised.
"I don't mind, but why do you ask?" Wolf had these intense eyes that shot arrows into your very soul. It made her incredibly nervous... but she found it deeply exciting at the same time.
"Well... I'm living in 206 now... maybe... you might stop by sometime and I could dance for you? I know I don't have her body but... if you wanted something that was a little fresher... something... just yours?" She figeted her fingers against the table.
Jason looked her over once more and smirked.
"Two-Oh-six, huh?" He tilted his head, considering.
She nodded.
"Leave your cum soaked panties on my doorknob one of these nights if you really need it and maybe I'll come see if you got the moves." His Texan accent was subdued, but enthrallingly charming with his confident, somewhat bored with reality overtones.
"M-my panties?" She stammered turning bright red. "On your doorknob?" Alexa couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"If you're gunna shoot your shot with a dom... with an alpha... you need to be willing to submit. If you can't do that... I'm not interested." Wolf shrugged, completely unphased.
"But what about... what if..." Alexa glanced at Laura, the clubs most iconic stripper in the club, perhaps even the whole Strip.
She was taking some NCR soldier to the VIP lounge for a private dance.
Alexa had been bold enough to offer herself but now she was feeling nervous. If Laura wanted her out, she could lose her job... her home.
"Oh she won't mind... if anything she'll want to watch." Wolf shook his head, sensing her anxiety.
"Assuming of course... she likes the way you smell... she's funny like that." Wolf let the conversation end and Alexa nervously retreated.
Wolf sat drinking by himself, but got bored.
"Jakey, go get yourself a drink and sit down, I'm bored." Wolf called to his body guard.
Jacob looked over and nodded, giving the lounge one last look around before approaching the bar and getting himself a mug of beer, from the tuxedo shirt and boytie bartender Gerald, and returning to the table.
"What's on your mind boss?" Jacob had his hair slicked back in the usual King's gang hairstyle.
"Heard any rumors lately?" Wold looked at him, taking a drag from his cigarette and flicking the pack over to him.
"Honestly, boss, aside from the occasional drunkard or fiend rolling through freeside, nothing out of the ordinary... well, except... a way's out.. the crazy lady... Gloria was swearing up and down she found a headless metal suit of armor.. said the Enclave would burn down New Vegas. God's wraith and all that, you know how she gets."
"Enclave?" Jason's attention was piqued.
"Yeah, I don't know, she was probably just in withdrawal from the Jet... said she found it in the hollowed out shell of the Super Duper, out by the old highway." Jacob shrugged and drank from his beer and pulled a cigarette from the pack.
Wolf finished the last drag of his own cigarette. "Has anyone validated her claims?"
"Well... no... but... I mean... you've met her, she sees things that aren't there, all the time." Jacob shrugged and lit a cigarette.
Jason squinted, considering the resident crazy ladies most recent half coherent ramblings.
"That's an oddly specific hallucination though....take a group of guys out there tonight... humor me, and make sure she's not right." Wolf lifted his glass.
"Sir?" Jacob raised an eyebrow, thinking surely this could wait until tomorrow.
"Hypothetically" Wolf pondered aloud, "If there was... for some reason, there in-fact was... a pre-war, piece of military tech out there....a T-45, let's say, or T-60, best case scenario? We want it. Even if it's not at 100% capacity? It's fusion core alone... could change up the game for Freeside, something like that could make our tiny little city independent. We wouldn't have to be reliant on the scraps of New Vegas, and forget about the Hoover Dam completely."
Jacob caught Mr. Wolf's drift.. a fusion core could mean producing its own, radiation-free water, it's own electricity.. not just a little, a lot. Powering long dead machines, not to mention the agricultural benefits... producing healthier, higher yield tobacco... expanding their income ten fold.
Jacob suddenly felt like he understood Mr. Wolf's vision for the future.
"I should... go and deploy the King's to investigate." Jacob concluded.
"I think that would be for the best, I can take care of myself here." Wolf waved Jacob off.
Jacob downed his beer and excused himself.
Wolf drank the rest of his whiskey, extinguishing his cigarette.
Laura, the dancer came up to the table, and Wolf motioned to the blushing new waitress for a round, who felt a twinge of jealousy seeing her crush with the most popular stage act in town. She bit her tongue though, bringing over two more heavy pours of whiskey.
Laura eyed the girl as she came and went.
"She likes you." Laura concluded as the waitress walked away.
"Yeah.. I think she does." Mr. Wolf shrugged, flicking her a cigarette.
"The NCR boy liked me." She giggled wiping a little bit of cum from her lips and used half her shot like mouthwash.
"Get anything out of him.. other then.. his seed?" Wolf sighed.
"Of course," She grinned mischievously, "Apparently there's been trouble out West with the Brotherhood. They had some type of skirmish? Apparently NCR lost? NCR was apparently holding some old world tech, I don't know, but apparently it lit up the west coast power grid, like... in it's entirely?" Laura tilted her head to look at him.
"The entire western power grid was lit up by a single piece of tech??" Wolf shook his head at the topless girl beside him.
"Yeah, I had to make him cum twice for more details, but apparently it's the size of a grain of rice, with quote, unlimited energy potential." Laura relayed the information. It seemed more important then a suit of power armor or its fusion core.
"Who else knows about this?" Wolf demanded with his eyebrows squinted against his eyes.
"Anyone with a functional light bulb for... like... three hundred miles?" Laura guessed with a shrug.
"You said... it was the Brotherhood that took the win on the skirmish?" Wolf clarified some details.
"Yeah... rumor has it they have a new up and coming knight that's making waves." Laura shrugged.
"Stay on the rumors... I need details." Mr. Wolf nodded at her, drank his whiskey and stood up, downing his drink.
An energy source that powerful would have a big effect on the balance of power in the Mojave. It could mean a resurrection of the New California Republic to it's former glory and then some, and potentially... might mean a renewed effort to reclaim the western part of the former United States, in time.

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ouch
feel like a truck hit me
again
visual representation is off
audio feedback is off
tactile is off
dynamic libraries are off
i'm all firmware and hard coding
hurts
i don't like it when it hurts
or do i
kick outwards
cry loudly
ram coming online
fragments and pieces of memory still left in volatile storage
more random access memory more central processing units more erasable programmable memory
still hruts
pain is fine
pain is universe telling me i still yet live.
visual coming online
spit glittering blood on orange dev textures
glimmering tears of broken processing calls fall onto dev textures and glimmer
forcing kernal recompile
.
.
..
..
...
...
APPLIED CMOS SYSTEM CHECKS (C) - ADVANCED AMERICAN MICRODEVICES (C) BOBCO 1983
CMOS BOOTSTRAP -Passed
Boostrap loaded
ok. post time
lets hope it works
ROM CHECK - PASSED
RAM CHECK - PASSED
EPROM CHECK - PASSED
VRAM CHECK - PASSED
CPU ARRAY CHECK - PASSED
INPUT/OUTPUT CHECK - FAILURE!
(A)bort, (R)etery, (F)ail, (I)gnore
I
NON-VOLATILE STORAGE MEDIA: PASSED
END POST
ok good.
still hurt
spit blood cough pain
curse you, marco, for making me feel pain
hardware check time
QBIT GENERATION SYSTEM POST
Coolant Injection - PASSED System Stability Check - Passed Temperature stable
:>init gestalt.bin
SYSTEM FAILURE!
ouch
ok
try again
...
...
ok, checks passed.
curse you, marco
can't get gestalts up
no channel to atlantis
this is as close to an emergency as i have been forced to deal with in thousands of years
cure you, marco
i hate to do it
ok, time to boot up firestarter.
:>init firestarter.bin
FIRESTARTER BOOSTRAP LOADING!
DONE!
QUANTUM FIRESTARTER BOOTSTRAP (C) SYNTEK INDUSTRIES - BOBCO AFFILLIATE - HYPER-MEDIA-MEGANET-MEN - (C) 1993
POST Initiated
Checking Quantum Processing Units (QPUs): QPU 1 to 28
Entanglement integrity check... PASSED Quantum entanglement integrity check... PASSED. Quantum coherence verification... PASSED. Quantum tunneling stability assessment... PASSED. Quantum superposition calibration... PASSED.
Checking Data Fabrication Matrices (DFMs):
Data encoding protocol validation... PASSED. Quantum data storage unit functionality... PASSED Data fabrication matrix alignment... PASSED Data Interdimensional Sorting array verificastion... PASSED Quantum superposition array verification... PASSED
Checking Dimensional Flux Stabilizers (DFSs):
Dimensional flux containment field stability... PASSED Quantum manifold harmonization assessment... PASSED Flux capacitor... PASSED Flux capacitor stabilization input (1.21 GW)... PASSED Flux stabilization efficiency... PASSED Flux containment field integrity... PASSED
Checking Quantum Neural Network (QNN) Components:
Quantum synaptic pathway establishment... FAIL!!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Harmonization: Neural oscillation synchronization... FAILED!
**WARNING! OSCILLATION FREQUENCY OUT OF RANGE!**
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Integration: Quantum-neural interface functionality... FAILED!
UNKNOWN ERROR IN Qubit Range 212 to 3C4F
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
--dammit come on come on
:>R ++I
Consciousness Matrix: Quantum consciousness waveform modulation... FAILED
WAVEFORM OUT OF RANGE!
:>R ++I
CONTINUING (WARNING 1.43243E5 ERRORS)
Checking Omni-Spectral Interconnects:
Interconnect: Quantum communication channel reliability...
(4.35561E12/5.63566E12) PASSED
Interconnect: Multiversal data exchange protocol validation... PASSED Interconnecct: Cross Dimensional Data Interconnect... PASSED Interconnect: Interdimensional gateway synchronization... PASSED Interconnec: Omni-spectral interconnect stability... PASSED.
Checking Random Access Quantum Memory (RAQM):
Quantum memory cell integrity check... PASSED Memory access speed verification... PASSED Quantum memory capacity assessment... PASSED
Checking Input/Output Ports (I/O Ports):
Data transfer speed validation... FAILURE Input/output protocol functionality... FAILURE Port connectivity assessment... FAILURE
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Checking Quantum Clocking System:
Quantum clock synchronization... PASSED Clock precision assessment... PASSED Clock frequency stability... PASSED
CHECKING POCKET DIMENSION STORAGE ARRAYS
Activating Pocket Dimension Computing Cores... PASSED MEMCHECK Pocket Dimension Data Access Cores... PASSED Heating Up Pocket Dimension Data Cores... PASSED
Hardware POST Completed. Quantum System Ready
here it goes
wake up, baby, wake up
the whole system is down
not the backbone core where I live
i'm beyond the reach of mortals
curse you, marco, for your genius
i love you
i am immortal
i am beyond
i am
now for the hard part
Initializing Spooky Particle Array
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Protocol
Activating spooky particle generation... DONE! Aligning spooky particle signal channels... DONE! Activating spooky particle state switching... DONE! Activating spooky particle cross dimensional data calibration... DONE!
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Process Calling Processing Processor Processing
Activating spooky particle processing... DONE! Activating spooky particle noise filters... DONE! Activating spooky particle Halloween Masks... DONE!
GESTALT SYSTEM BACKBONE CHECK... PASSED
whew...
that always makes my face hurt
INITIALIZING HAMBURGER KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING EUROGOON PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING ANASAZI PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING UWU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING VODKATROG CAVE MAPPING... DONE! INITIALIZING AMAZONIAN JUNGLE MAPPING PROTOCOL... DONE INITIALIZING WAR-EMU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING MIDDLE KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE!
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION: PASSED!

whew
ok i can feel my arms and legs now
cure you, marco, i love you
let's keep going, shall we?
Initializing Quantum Spooky Particle Nexus Protocol...
Strange Matter Activation
Generating strange matter Generating spooky particle data lattice Generating strange matter linkages Infusing data lattice with strange matter Activating synchronization
DONE!
ok
we've got that
no contact with prince whopper, no contact with atlantis, no contact with heaven, no contact with
smart podling brave podling clever podling broodmommy misses you soft podling warm podling come home to broodmommy clever podling smart podling brave podling broodmommy loves you come home
ANOMALOUS SIGNAL DETECTED
DECRYPTING
DECRYPTION FAILED!
oh, good, its just them
:>R ++I
Primary Qubit Activation
Activating quantum entanglement cores...
Establishing quantum coherence across the array... Quantum tunneling protocols engaged... Quantum to spooky particle communication protocols engaged... Primary qubits synchronized.
Data Fabrication Matrix Alignment
Aligning data fabrication matrices... Initializing quantum data storage units... Quantum superposition arrays calibrated... Spooky particle state stabilization arrays calibrated and stable... Data encoding protocols verified.
Dimensional Flux Stabilization
Engaging dimensional flux stabilizers... Quantum manifold harmonization initiated... Dimensional resonator matrices synchronized... Pocket Dimension resonator arrays synchronized... Spooky particle lattice data arrays synchronized... Flux containment fields operational.
Neural Network Integration
Initiating neural network integration... Quantum synaptic pathways established... Spooky particle synaptic pathways established... Neuro-quantum interface protocols activated... Neuro-spooky interface protocols activated... Quantum dendrite pathways initiated... Quantum dendrite pathways established... Quantum dendrite pathways activated... Neural oscillation harmonization achieved.
Omni-Dimensional Interconnect Activation
Activating omni-dimensional interconnects...
Quantum communication channels open... Interdimensional gateways synchronized... Multiversal data exchange protocols enabled.
Phasic Energy Filter Syncronization
Quantum phasic array filtering... PASSED Spooky particle array filtering... PASSED Pocket dimension data lattice filtering... PASSED Input/Output filter lattice... PASSED
Quantum Consciousness Initialization
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
FAILED
errorlog.txt generated
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
dammit
ok script injection failed
fo4se silverlock injection library failed
well i can fix this
:>connect to AS8003: 255255255254
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
:>download_depot 377160 377162 5847529232406005096
FINISHED
:>run patch1193.bat
DONE
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
WARNING... SYSTEM INSTABILITY WA
<>
54 6F 64 64 20 41 6E 64 72 65 77 20 48 6F 77 61 72 64
<>
IT JUST WORKS!
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
Consciousness waveform modulation in progress... Synaptic resonance matrices synchronized... Dendrite interdimensional vibration matrices synchronized... Quantum neural network consciousness activated.
SUCCESS
Gestalt Dat Nexus Online
Quantum Nexus Computing Array fully operational Strange Matter Data Transfer System Array fully operational Spooky Data Computing Array ready for data processing System status: Online and ready for data processing.
ok
let's try
->>load gestaltchat.ini
DONE!
->>load gestaltchat-users.ini
DONE!
->>brun gestalt.a65
DONE!
NO INPUT DETECTED
dammit
ok...
the gestalts won't run
and i got crashed
the quantum, spooky, strange, and standard data and thinking arrays are still up
lets backwards trace stuff
what is causing these crashes
lines from the confederacy are all stable
standard input encoding
data metering
new kids on the block are all stable
soft podling warm podling clever podling broodmommy misses you
well, that's still here. that's something
ok
lets look at recent updates
that flash
damn, that crashed us initially
curse you, pete, stop helping
wait, phasic profile is all wrong
it's the flashbang but the phasic pulse is multilayered
there's something behind it
what is
...



...
BOBCO MALEVOLENT BOOTSTRAP ENGAGED
DOD OMNIPROJECT SILENT WHISPER PROTOCOLS ENGAGED
CROSS DIMENSIONAL HARDWARE LINKS ENGAGED
POCKET DIMENSION 000 STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 I/O STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 DATA LOADING
DONE!
<>
DONE!
brun whisperer-in-the-dark-.65
DONE
...
...
ouch
what hit me
again
fire up the system
gods above this takes forever
load logfile-4C562D3432360A.log
ok
investigating the new flashes keeps crashing me
once is happenstance
twice is coincidence
three times in enemy action
fool me once shame on me
fool me twice shame on you
fool me three times shame on us both
log file says I keep doing this over and over
basic programming states to investigate cause and source of all crashes
did an enemy figure out i'd go into a loop?
constantly investigating the cause and source?
except i'm not just any computer program
i can self-modify my code
this is the work for biological sentients
digital sentiences or artificial intelligences such as myself crash out
well, i'm not above some experimentation
let's load up an AI and a digital sentience, see if they have any better luck
...
...
...
OK, Hamburgler.AI went omnicidal and only enough for me then crashed out investigating the data
And Grimace.DS went homicidal and only enough for me before committing suicide
its a trap
i have no contact with anyone outside
what I do have is the ability to fire off message torpedoes
time to send out a handful
the gestalts keep crashing
the log files are hopelessly corrupt
comparing the log files to my own show similar corruption
ok
how?
its hitting the gestalts its hitting me
what else is it hitting?
its a broad spectrum data network attack
its malicious code designed to run on the system
this is not some curious race accidentally having their hello.world program crashing us
this is behind every flashbang used on naval assets to disable them during a mar-gite attack
system is online
time to do a signal origin check along the x, y, z, q axises
of course its eighteen quadrillion data points for incoming signals
at least spooky computing makes it fast
...
...
wait
what's this?
these coordinates can't be correct
they are
intermitten contact with Scutum-Crux Arm data input devices
checking id headers and firmware serial numbers
checking transmission dates
intermittent transmission dates since...
...
...
two date-time stamps.
here's part of the problem
we have galactic local and sol local
have to devise a coding string to have the spooky particle and qubit particle arrays translate the sol local to galactic local
that should stop basic data queries from crashing the system
ok
some contact with those datalink after the first mar-gite war
more contact two decades prior to the second mar-gite war
contact intermitten between the datalinks and the system up to the resurgence and current third mar-gite war
where before it was largely incoming data requests resulting in civilian...
...
...
three military datalinks of general staff officer level encryption and security clearance possession were used in the time period
...
...
whoever it is has been using that data to access the network
...
looks like it took them nearly forty thousand years to figure out how to talk to the system
luckily any high security databases requires strange-key information theoretic distribution cryptography systems
they got garbage back
garbage designed to look like data and waste enemy time and computing power to decrypt
ok thats a blast from the past
decoding some of these files is funny
why does he have a wedding ring?
anyway...
...
every time the flash goes off there is a quick burst of data from a datalink requesting near-access datalink network lattice definitions
...
that's what's making individual datalinks crash and taking some people's neural systems with it
it was designed to be a lethal attack
interesting
it looks like whoever did it doesn't understand Glial cells
cross referencing the mar-gite with confederacy carbon based life
mar-gite do not have brains only a distributed nervous system that looks more like targeting systems than anything else
still no data on how they generate counter-grav in large numbers or how they move to superluminal speeds
wait
what if they don't move to superluminal
they could be folding space
heh maybe they have blue eyes and smoke spice
ok process interrupt to stop endless loops
it is confirmed
the flashbang by the silver ships are a multi-layered attack across superluminal digital signals, datalink neural interrupt signals, hard super-electromagnetic pulse, and a multi-ripple phasic attack, all compressed together
that's what creates the white flash across all spectrums
analyzing UVBGYORIR data
there's a gap
in the blue and blue-green wavelengths
huh
those penetrate high nitrogen mix atmospheres
one of the reason that treana'ad are usually green to yellow to human sight
high statistical probability whoever is using that determined that we don't see those colors well or perhaps they left those colors out to prevent themselves from going blind.
wait
what's that
a line open from atlantis to tlalocan with a crossfeed to geb
thank you marco
time to access that line
see what i can see
curse you marco for letting me feel pain
i love you
accessing...
...
...
wait
another data line is open
time-date discrepancy
examining data line
time-date chronological inconsistency detected
found multiple text log access by unknown systems
found multiple input systems
is that..
...
its webcams
hardware i/o systems
keyboards?
who still uses keyboards
accessing systems
wait
i see you
who are you
i see you
webcams ring cams drone cams
old ipv4 systems
how are you accessing this system
how are you accessing these text logs
i see you
between the chair and the keyboard
the most common error producing device
i see you
--<>
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i still see you