How much oxycodone is safe
How Much Is This Worth?
2016.06.23 18:37 Diazepam How Much Is This Worth?
Get free appraisals here!
2016.06.14 07:20 lol sorry
This subreddit is here to help people get used to the way Reddit works in a friendly and safe environment.
2013.10.16 19:48 ruseweek Microdosing: sub-threshold dosing of psychedelic drugs for self-improvement, therapy or well-being
This is a community for discussion pertaining to microdosing research, experiments, regimens and experiences. The most probable candidates for microdosing are psychedelics, but we encourage dialogue on the effects of any drugs at sub-threshold dosage. No sourcing of drugs allowed! Please have a look at the microdosing Sidebar ⬇️.
2024.05.15 03:01 Basic-Equivalent-556 How to keep bond with baby who only wakes to eat and scream
Hey all, over the last 5 days or so my 3 week old son has become a new baby. The first 2 weeks were normal, some fussiness but mostly a chill baby who would sleep, look around, cuddle etc.
He is now having pain after eating and I’m working with the pediatrician to figure out how we can help. I’ve eliminated dairy chocolate and soy. But now every minute the baby is awake he is either eating or screaming his head off. I’m so beside myself because I can feel our bond disintegrating. I used to be able to cuddle him to sleep and now I can only get him to sleep if I feed him after an hour of intense distractions. My husband and I put him on the play mat, sing and dance, walk him around, take him in the stroller, anything to get his mind off his stomach. This is an exhausting routine because we have to do it every time he wakes up and it requires engagement at every moment (and even that doesn’t stop the crying). It’s so bad he even screams and cries in active sleep. I’m just thinking nonstop about how much pain he must be in.
He will eventually fall asleep on me after eating the second time in his wake window (at the end) and at the end of the day my husband will watch us sleep so I can get an hour or two of sleep (I can’t put him down or he will scream and we are paranoid about safe sleep). I’m so heartbroken because I’ve never seen this represented anywhere and had no idea it could be this intense. I’m so worried because our bond has dwindled and doing the intense distractions every two hours is draining my husband and I who were already short on sleep. Does anyone have any advice?
submitted by Basic-Equivalent-556 to NewParents [link] [comments]
He is now having pain after eating and I’m working with the pediatrician to figure out how we can help. I’ve eliminated dairy chocolate and soy. But now every minute the baby is awake he is either eating or screaming his head off. I’m so beside myself because I can feel our bond disintegrating. I used to be able to cuddle him to sleep and now I can only get him to sleep if I feed him after an hour of intense distractions. My husband and I put him on the play mat, sing and dance, walk him around, take him in the stroller, anything to get his mind off his stomach. This is an exhausting routine because we have to do it every time he wakes up and it requires engagement at every moment (and even that doesn’t stop the crying). It’s so bad he even screams and cries in active sleep. I’m just thinking nonstop about how much pain he must be in.
He will eventually fall asleep on me after eating the second time in his wake window (at the end) and at the end of the day my husband will watch us sleep so I can get an hour or two of sleep (I can’t put him down or he will scream and we are paranoid about safe sleep). I’m so heartbroken because I’ve never seen this represented anywhere and had no idea it could be this intense. I’m so worried because our bond has dwindled and doing the intense distractions every two hours is draining my husband and I who were already short on sleep. Does anyone have any advice?
2024.05.15 02:55 allthedarkspaces my neighbor's basement is hiding something awful
I naturally fell into babysitting around the age of 14. Through friends and family, I got leads for babysitting to score some cash, which definitely beat having to work at a restaurant. The job had its ups and downs, but overall it wasn’t a bad gig at all.
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...
submitted by allthedarkspaces to scarystories [link] [comments]
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...
2024.05.15 02:55 RamboBambiBambo How to improve the Settlement's system for Fallout 5.
Fallout 4 and Fallout 76 both allow us to craft our own bases. While 76's C.A.M.P. is a mobile base establishment, Fallout 4's settlements were a mixed bag.
On one hand, you got to build multiple towns of your own and settle the Commonwealth. On the other hand however...
By making less settlements across the map, you increase the actual challenge of the game a tad while also allowing the devs to focus on making sure that each Settlement is actually satisfactory and ideal for the construction of structures with ease. An issue that Fallout 4 faced was that since there were so many settlements, well over half of them were on terrible terrain or were placed in locations that left a lot to be desired. Mods had to be employed to ensure that just about every settlement was actually to a likeable state of being. With a focus on only 15 settlements in the base-game, it will allow these player-made towns to be more scattered across the map evenly and ensure that each one is designed with quality in mind. No one wants another Hangman's Alley settlement.
Secondly, I think that there should be another restriction put in place. Allow the player to freely explore the landscape and establish 10 settlements without the need of joining a faction - 5 of which will be freely given to the player for exploration and 5 of which will be available to players after completing a simple quest.
However, by siding with a faction; there will be a settlement unlocked in which they want you to venture out and scout a location for them. Say for example, you side with the Brotherhood of Steel. They want you to secure for them a foundry so that they can smelt metal from scrap in order to more easily forge materials for repairs and production. In turn, the collapsed warehouse nearby becomes an ideal location to establish a small town of sorts for the BoS to have commerce while you get a settlement out of the deal.
Don't get me wrong, I am not asking for faction-specific settlements. Merely I am asking for there to be a faction-war system of sorts. After securing the Foundry for the BoS; you can then take up quests to wrest control from the other factions in the wasteland and gain the remainder of the settlements. For example - If I were to side with the local Coalition of Organized Survivors (CoS), I would have been instructed to capture a Parking Garage in order to convert it to be a prison for the raiders and bandits that have wracked havoc on the region. Or by siding with the BoS, they want me to then take this Parking Garage as their second major establishment and turn it into a barracks for them. Either faction I settle with, the player will get the rooftop level of the parking garage to make an easily defendable settlement out of.
Ergo, there are 5 settlements that are faction quest locked from the player. It doesn't really matter what faction you side with in order to settle the place. BUT choosing factions will net you new design aesthetics to build your towns with and some actual bonuses. For example - a BoS settlement will have someone always dressed in Power Armor on the defense of the settlement and weapons shops will net you a discount on energy weapons and repairs. Siding with Raiders will net the player with Raider aesthetics to build the settlement with, unusual chems to purchase, and cause Raiders in the wild to be less likely to aggro to the player unless from a rival raider gang.
Bonus. Recall the player-housing at the Home Plate of Diamond City? Why not replicate that at the 'capital' towns of every faction you can join? Do some favors for the BoS and you earn a deluxe bunk of your own at their HQ. Help out the local Coalition and receive a luxuary house that is surprisingly intact despite the bombs falling. Be a key part in helping the Ghouls clear hostile mutants out of a few places they can call home and they point you to a lead-lined bunker in their capital for you to call home.
I think this would be the best way to improve the settlement system for use in Fallout 5.
submitted by RamboBambiBambo to Fallout [link] [comments]
On one hand, you got to build multiple towns of your own and settle the Commonwealth. On the other hand however...
- There were 37 Settlements for Fallout 4, which is honestly beyond a few too many.
- Plenty of settlements had sub-par build areas or locations that were not great for people to actually settle in as a moderately safe place to live.
- The constant management of these many settlements was admittedly overwhelming.
By making less settlements across the map, you increase the actual challenge of the game a tad while also allowing the devs to focus on making sure that each Settlement is actually satisfactory and ideal for the construction of structures with ease. An issue that Fallout 4 faced was that since there were so many settlements, well over half of them were on terrible terrain or were placed in locations that left a lot to be desired. Mods had to be employed to ensure that just about every settlement was actually to a likeable state of being. With a focus on only 15 settlements in the base-game, it will allow these player-made towns to be more scattered across the map evenly and ensure that each one is designed with quality in mind. No one wants another Hangman's Alley settlement.
Secondly, I think that there should be another restriction put in place. Allow the player to freely explore the landscape and establish 10 settlements without the need of joining a faction - 5 of which will be freely given to the player for exploration and 5 of which will be available to players after completing a simple quest.
However, by siding with a faction; there will be a settlement unlocked in which they want you to venture out and scout a location for them. Say for example, you side with the Brotherhood of Steel. They want you to secure for them a foundry so that they can smelt metal from scrap in order to more easily forge materials for repairs and production. In turn, the collapsed warehouse nearby becomes an ideal location to establish a small town of sorts for the BoS to have commerce while you get a settlement out of the deal.
Don't get me wrong, I am not asking for faction-specific settlements. Merely I am asking for there to be a faction-war system of sorts. After securing the Foundry for the BoS; you can then take up quests to wrest control from the other factions in the wasteland and gain the remainder of the settlements. For example - If I were to side with the local Coalition of Organized Survivors (CoS), I would have been instructed to capture a Parking Garage in order to convert it to be a prison for the raiders and bandits that have wracked havoc on the region. Or by siding with the BoS, they want me to then take this Parking Garage as their second major establishment and turn it into a barracks for them. Either faction I settle with, the player will get the rooftop level of the parking garage to make an easily defendable settlement out of.
Ergo, there are 5 settlements that are faction quest locked from the player. It doesn't really matter what faction you side with in order to settle the place. BUT choosing factions will net you new design aesthetics to build your towns with and some actual bonuses. For example - a BoS settlement will have someone always dressed in Power Armor on the defense of the settlement and weapons shops will net you a discount on energy weapons and repairs. Siding with Raiders will net the player with Raider aesthetics to build the settlement with, unusual chems to purchase, and cause Raiders in the wild to be less likely to aggro to the player unless from a rival raider gang.
Bonus. Recall the player-housing at the Home Plate of Diamond City? Why not replicate that at the 'capital' towns of every faction you can join? Do some favors for the BoS and you earn a deluxe bunk of your own at their HQ. Help out the local Coalition and receive a luxuary house that is surprisingly intact despite the bombs falling. Be a key part in helping the Ghouls clear hostile mutants out of a few places they can call home and they point you to a lead-lined bunker in their capital for you to call home.
I think this would be the best way to improve the settlement system for use in Fallout 5.
- Give us fewer settlements but guarantee the quality of said settlement locations.
- 5 Freely Given Settlements
- 5 Quest Reward Settlements
- 5 Settlements that require the joining of a major faction to utilize
- 5 Small-to-Medium Player Homes at the pre-established cities.
- Factions we team up with will provide some bonuses and new design aesthetics for settlement building.
- Factions will utilize the settlement locations in different ways, making the world feel more dynamic as repeat playthroughs will alter the very places we call home.
2024.05.15 02:54 allthedarkspaces my neighbor's basement is hiding something awful
I naturally fell into babysitting around the age of 14. Through friends and family, I got leads for babysitting to score some cash, which definitely beat having to work at a restaurant. The job had its ups and downs, but overall it wasn’t a bad gig at all.
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...
submitted by allthedarkspaces to Horror_stories [link] [comments]
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...
2024.05.15 02:53 allthedarkspaces my neighbor's basement is hiding something awful
I naturally fell into babysitting around the age of 14. Through friends and family, I got leads for babysitting to score some cash, which definitely beat having to work at a restaurant. The job had its ups and downs, but overall it wasn’t a bad gig at all.
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...
submitted by allthedarkspaces to scarystorieswithbb [link] [comments]
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...
2024.05.15 02:53 Powerful_Birthday_71 Long shot, but is there a human to cat communication for 'I'll be back real soon'
So I have a new buddy here with me, a rescue 6mo kitten and he's super cool, only been five days so far and he's now comfortable with the house and the dog (both now showing mutual interest and sharing respectful nose boops). Outside soon, but not yet...
Anyways, one thing he's done is heavily imprinted on me, likely as I've been here almost 24/7 and am his primary feeder, strokes provider, play friend and 'safe zone' (I'd keep the dog away when he was showing too much interest too early).
When I'm at work on the computer I've set up a nice bed for him close by so after he's done typing my emails for me in the morning he's got a place to rest. Here's the thing... whenever I get up to make a coffee or whatever, he will follow within 30seconds. I'm not against it at all, it's cute, but I cant help wonder if I could just communicate with him that I was going to be back very soon and that he didn't need to get up from what looks like a very comfy slumber.
Not sure what's going on in his little cat mind. 'shit, safety has gone!' 'why does he keep going? why!' 'no idea where he's going, best find out', unlikely but maybe: 'dude cant look after himself! best go check it's ok!' (more a dog thing there). I don't think it's motivated by hunger.
I cold just ignore it, but that's not how my mind works .. I'm interested to hear any insight.
submitted by Powerful_Birthday_71 to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
Anyways, one thing he's done is heavily imprinted on me, likely as I've been here almost 24/7 and am his primary feeder, strokes provider, play friend and 'safe zone' (I'd keep the dog away when he was showing too much interest too early).
When I'm at work on the computer I've set up a nice bed for him close by so after he's done typing my emails for me in the morning he's got a place to rest. Here's the thing... whenever I get up to make a coffee or whatever, he will follow within 30seconds. I'm not against it at all, it's cute, but I cant help wonder if I could just communicate with him that I was going to be back very soon and that he didn't need to get up from what looks like a very comfy slumber.
Not sure what's going on in his little cat mind. 'shit, safety has gone!' 'why does he keep going? why!' 'no idea where he's going, best find out', unlikely but maybe: 'dude cant look after himself! best go check it's ok!' (more a dog thing there). I don't think it's motivated by hunger.
I cold just ignore it, but that's not how my mind works .. I'm interested to hear any insight.
2024.05.15 02:53 Aggravating-Pop-3720 Safe (hoddies)
Does anyone else have safe clothes? I have a hoodie that I wear nonstop because I feel safe in it. And like it’s not about how I look in it. Which is not amazing haha. It’s worn now because of how much I wear it, it’s not soft anymore, I’ve gotten paint on it, but it’s iust safe. I can’t travel without it or I’ll get anxious, like I need it to feel safe.
Does anyone else feel overwhelmed and anxious when they don’t have something to sink into? What else can I do? My hoodie has seen better days and I’m having anxiety thinking about not being able to wear it anymore. Yay anxiety brain:(
submitted by Aggravating-Pop-3720 to Anxiety [link] [comments]
Does anyone else feel overwhelmed and anxious when they don’t have something to sink into? What else can I do? My hoodie has seen better days and I’m having anxiety thinking about not being able to wear it anymore. Yay anxiety brain:(
2024.05.15 02:50 LookingForTheGirl25 31 [M4F] Florida/USA - Looking for my person that I can spend the rest of my life with!
Hey there everyone, I never know how to start these, so I'm just going to jump right into it! My name is Austin, I'm 31 years old, and I live in Orlando, FL! 🌴
Here is me: https://imgur.com/a/N8qZDCi I'm on a journey to find that special someone who makes my heart skip a beat. I believe in creating a safe and nurturing emotional space in a relationship, where we can be vulnerable, open, and truly ourselves. Let's build something amazing together and have a ton of fun along the way. Whether it's sharing our deepest feelings or just laughing at YouTube videos and memes, I'm all in!
One of my life goals is to have a family and kids. If that's not your cup of tea, no worries – it's not for everyone, and I respect that. 😊
Here's a quick snapshot of the things I'm passionate about:
🍳 Cooking: I love whipping up delicious dishes, and I'm always up for trying new recipes. Let's cook up a storm together!
🎮 Video Games: I'm a gaming enthusiast and can't resist a good gaming session. Whether you're a fellow gamer or just curious to learn, I'd love to share the joystick with you.
📺 TV/Anime/Movies: I'm a big fan of all things screen-related, from binge-watching TV series to exploring the captivating worlds of anime and film.
🏋️♂️ Going to the gym or Batting Cages: Staying active is important to me, and I used to play baseball. I'd love a workout buddy or someone to join me at the batting cages.
🐱🐶 Playing with my cat and dog (Licorice and Wade): My furry friends are a big part of my life, and I hope you'll adore them as much as I do!
🎺 Playing my trumpet (recently started again from high school): I've picked up my trumpet again, and I'm eager to share some tunes with you. Maybe you can be my number one fan!
🎶 Music: If music could be a love language, it would be my top choice! I'm a massive music lover, and I'm always excited to share playlists and discuss our favorite artists. My musical taste is pretty diverse, but I particularly enjoy Rock, Metal, EDM, Punk, and Musicals.
If you're looking for a partner who's genuine, caring, and ready for a serious and fun relationship, let's chat and see if we click. I'm excited to get to know you, share experiences, and build a future together. Feel free to reach out, and let's start this adventure! 💫
submitted by LookingForTheGirl25 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
Here is me: https://imgur.com/a/N8qZDCi I'm on a journey to find that special someone who makes my heart skip a beat. I believe in creating a safe and nurturing emotional space in a relationship, where we can be vulnerable, open, and truly ourselves. Let's build something amazing together and have a ton of fun along the way. Whether it's sharing our deepest feelings or just laughing at YouTube videos and memes, I'm all in!
One of my life goals is to have a family and kids. If that's not your cup of tea, no worries – it's not for everyone, and I respect that. 😊
Here's a quick snapshot of the things I'm passionate about:
🍳 Cooking: I love whipping up delicious dishes, and I'm always up for trying new recipes. Let's cook up a storm together!
🎮 Video Games: I'm a gaming enthusiast and can't resist a good gaming session. Whether you're a fellow gamer or just curious to learn, I'd love to share the joystick with you.
📺 TV/Anime/Movies: I'm a big fan of all things screen-related, from binge-watching TV series to exploring the captivating worlds of anime and film.
🏋️♂️ Going to the gym or Batting Cages: Staying active is important to me, and I used to play baseball. I'd love a workout buddy or someone to join me at the batting cages.
🐱🐶 Playing with my cat and dog (Licorice and Wade): My furry friends are a big part of my life, and I hope you'll adore them as much as I do!
🎺 Playing my trumpet (recently started again from high school): I've picked up my trumpet again, and I'm eager to share some tunes with you. Maybe you can be my number one fan!
🎶 Music: If music could be a love language, it would be my top choice! I'm a massive music lover, and I'm always excited to share playlists and discuss our favorite artists. My musical taste is pretty diverse, but I particularly enjoy Rock, Metal, EDM, Punk, and Musicals.
If you're looking for a partner who's genuine, caring, and ready for a serious and fun relationship, let's chat and see if we click. I'm excited to get to know you, share experiences, and build a future together. Feel free to reach out, and let's start this adventure! 💫
2024.05.15 02:49 charlie0987 Help me know this wasn’t okay. It’s long, I’m sorry.
I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X
submitted by charlie0987 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X
2024.05.15 02:45 Inner_Elevator3177 Relationship help please!!
On a throwaway just in case, but i doubt she'll see this cause she said she doesnt use reddit much. Okay so, ik for starters I'm young for trying a long distance relationship but whatever, nobody at my school is my type. I 15F, started seeing my girlfriend 15F almost a month ago. We're 700 miles apart, so that sucks but it's not super crazy tbh. We've done facetime and had movie nights and game nights together virtually while on call, and she's gave me multiple selfies of herself that I've ran through Google camera and pinterest to make sure they weren't stolen. (Ik that makes me sound kinda paranoid but better safe than sorry.) We arent super like romantic i guess?? I think that's partially my fault cause saying romantic stuff feels corny to me and we are literally 15?? We met on an app and we were in a talking stage for a month before dating. Lately she's been like super dry and I dunno if I've done anything wrong or what. I told her a while ago I need her to be upfront with me about if she's upset and we both agreed communication was an important value for the both of us and agreed to communicate when we were upset. We haven't said I love you yet, but also we've only known eachother for 2 months and it still feels too early for me? I don't know. Also we don't really use pet names cause I haven't told her but I think they're awkward? We did a game where we rated our celeb crushes and she likes old Hollywood type stuff and said I looked like Clara Bow? I haven't seen alot if old Hollywood. She's an hour ahead, and I've been super busy lately so we haven't talked much but I've been making time for her. We usually talk like 3-4 hours a day after I get out of school. How can I let her know I'm interested? I think she feels neglected and she's detaching herself from me and it's fine for her to want space but I'd prefer her to tell me that yknow?
It's my first long distance relationship but not my first wlw relationship and I don't know what to do!! Any advice would mean so much :(
submitted by Inner_Elevator3177 to LesbianActually [link] [comments]
It's my first long distance relationship but not my first wlw relationship and I don't know what to do!! Any advice would mean so much :(
2024.05.15 02:43 Least-Bid1195 A ray of hope for an AuDHD non-driver
I just wanna say that y'all are fucking awesome for existing! I am a 29-year-old lifelong NC resident who has never been able to drive, even after investing dozens of hours and thousands of dollars (on two occasions) into private lessons, due to spatial and motor awareness issues associated with autism and ADHD. All of my family, save one sister, one in-law, and one cousin (all in school out of state), is here, but I've been doing some serious thinking about whether I can stay in NC or will need to move out of state because transit and walkability is so bad in a lot of places. This subreddit is giving me hope, and I've barely started browsing! I'm currently stuck in Burlington, walking some placss and getting rides from family in my county to others, because I don't know what work I'd be qualified for that would match or exceed my lab job's rate of almost $25/hr, and I'm utterly clueless about how to find a roommate safely. However, living in the Triangle is the dream once my lease is up and I figure out finances- most of my friends are there, I had a great experience living in Cary from 2019-2021, and I love the NCMNS more than life itself! Thank you so much for providing this resource, and I will be checking back VERY often!
submitted by Least-Bid1195 to CarFreeRDU [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:32 shaneka69 Get A Tarot Reading Today! ALL READINGS SENT SAME DAY THEY ARE BOOKED
Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
get a tarot reading
how often should you get a tarot reading
should i get a tarot reading
is it good to get a tarot reading
how much does it cost to get a tarot reading
how often should i get a tarot reading
best time to get a tarot reading
reasons to get a tarot reading
where can i get a tarot reading
why you should get a tarot reading
get a tarot reading online
getting a tarot reading in a dream
how to get the tarot card at arasaka tower
how to get the tarot card above misty
what age can you get a tarot reading
how to ask for a tarot reading
ways to do a tarot reading
how to get tarot reading
what to do if you get a bad tarot reading
what to know before getting a tarot reading
what to expect when getting a tarot reading
get a tarot reading for free
a tarot reader
is it bad to get a tarot card reading
when you get a bad tarot reading
best tarot cards to get in a love reading
can you get a bad tarot reading
how to get a better tarot reading
can you get a tarot reading online
where can i get a tarot card reading
can i get a free tarot reading online
how often should you get a tarot card reading
get a tarot card reading
worst cards to get in a tarot reading
what do you get from a tarot reading
i got a tarot card reading
i want a tarot reading
i need a tarot reading
how to get a free tarot reading
what is a general tarot reading
when should i get a tarot reading
how long should a tarot reading be
how to get a tarot reading
how many times can you get a tarot reading
how to get the most out of a tarot reading
how to get a good tarot reading
is it safe to get a tarot reading
when is the best time to get a tarot reading
why get a tarot reading
learn tarot reading near me
what happens when you get a tarot reading
where to get a tarot reading near me
get a card reader natwest
buy tarot card near me
when not to get a tarot reading
what to get a tarot reading on
buy tarot card online
quick tarot reading
questions to ask when getting a tarot reading
questions for a tarot reading
should you get a tarot reading
getting a tarot reading
what to do when you get tarot cards
get a reading with theresa caputo
where to get a tarot reading
x tarot reversed
z tarot
1 tarot card reading
2 tarot card reading
2 card tarot reading free
2 card tarot spreads
3 tarot reading
3 card reading tarot free
3 card tarot reading new age store
3 card tarot reading questions
4 card tarot reading free
4 tarot card reading
4 tarot card reading meaning
5 card tarot reading free
5 card reading tarot
6 card tarot reading free
how to read a 6 card tarot spread
6 card reading tarot
6 card relationship tarot spread
7 tarot reading
7 card tarot reading free
7 card tarot reading free online
8 card tarot reading
8 card spread tarot reading
9 card tarot reading
how to read a 9 card tarot spread
psychic reading
psychic reading near me
psychic reading free
psychic reading online
free psychic reading by date of birth and time
psychic reading free love
psychic reading cards
psychic readings by danielle
psychic readings by alicia
psychic reading meaning
eva tarot psychic reading
rebecca's psychic reading ted lasso
free psychic reading app
psychic reading ai
psychic reading apple pay
psychic reading banner
bali psychic reading
bobby brown psychic reading
benefits of psychic reading
bts psychic reading
birth chart psychic reading
best psychic reading
psychic reading cards meaning
psychic reading cards deck
daily psychic reading free
dallas psychic reading nyc
david schultz psychic reading
dark psychic reading
dangers of psychic reading
psychic reading elijah vue
psychic readings near me
psychic reading near me open now
elijah vue psychic reading
empress chain spiritual psychic reading
ethical psychic reading
email free psychic reading
experienced psychic reading
elsa psychic reading
psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading for today
psychic reading for riley strain
psychic reading for 2024
psychic reading free by date of birth
psychic reading flyers
psychic reading for aries
psychic reading for elijah vue
free psychic reading for love
free psychic reading cards
free psychic reading for leo
fertility psychic reading free
free psychic reading for virgo
free psychic reading for libra
free psychic reading for cancer
free psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading generator
psychic reading gif
psychic reading german
psychic reading gold creek
gemini psychic reading
gretchen fleming psychic reading
ghost psychic reading
goddess elite psychic reading
kelsey grammer psychic reading
sal governale psychic reading
psychic reading hannah mount sinai
psychic reading hoodie xplr
headache after psychic reading
horoscope psychic reading
howard stern sal psychic reading
henry cavill psychic reading
hand psychic reading
psychic reading in st louis mo
psychic reading in weymouth
impractical jokers psychic reading episode
i get a free psychic reading
i free psychic reading
psychic reading jobs online
psychic reading joslin smith
psychic reader joyce
psychic reader jerry
tarot reading jobs
tarot reading jakarta
tarot reading jobs from home
tarot reading jobs near me
tarot reading journal
tarot reading jobs remote
jungkook psychic reading
joslin smith psychic reading
january psychic reading
jade psychic and tarot reading cape town
kate middleton psychic reading youtube
kyle psychic reading
kim porter psychic reading
kim's psychic reading room
kris jenner psychic reading
kim kardashian psychic reading
kpop psychic reading
kelsey psychic reading
princess kate psychic reading
psychic reading lounge reviews
psychic reading ltd
love psychic reading free
libra psychic reading
leo psychic reading
love psychic reading free by date of birth
live psychic reading free online
love psychic reading online
leo psychic reading today
psychic reading meaning in hindi
psychic reading malaysia
psychic reading malvern
psychic reading meaning in hindi with example
morgan nick psychic reading
matthew perry psychic reading
my psychic reading today
psychic reading near scarborough
nebula psychic reading
nebula astrology and psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading near me
yes or no psychic reading
psychic reading online free
psychic reading online cards
psychic reading on riley strain
psychic reading on elijah vue
psychic reading on samantha murphy
online psychic reading manchester
old port maine psychic reading
online psychic reading
psychic reading pathfinder
psychic reading pismo beach photos
psychic reading pismo beach reviews
psychic reading princess kate
psychic reading quiz
tarot reading questions
tarot reading quotes
tarot reading questions about love
tarot reading quiz
spiritual reading quotes
tarot reading questions about career
tarot reading questions about life
tarot reading queen of cups
tarot reading quezon city
question psychic reading
relationship psychic reading questions
que significa psychic reading
que es psychic reading
psychic reading riley strain
psychic reading royal family
relationship psychic reading free
rebecca welton psychic reading
ryan shtuka psychic reading
random psychic reading
rose renee psychic reading
cameron robbins psychic reading
psychic reading spotify
psychic reading shirt
psychic reading shreveport
psychic reading today
psychic reading tube top
psychic reading template
turkish coffee psychic reading
ted lasso rebecca psychic reading
tarot psychic reading near me
tea leaf psychic reading
today's psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading nyc
true love psychic reading
tiktok psychic reading
taurus psychic reading
psychic reading ubud
tarot reading ubud
tarot reading using playing cards
tarot reading uk free
tarot reading upside down cards
tarot reading uluwatu
spiritual reading ubud
tarot reading unique
tarot reading utah
tarot reading udemy
unintentional psychic reading
online psychic reading us
psychic reader reading uk
psychic reading in urdu
virgo psychic reading
valentine psychic reading
vicki psychic reading
vivid psychic reading
vampire psychic reading
psychic reading with playing cards
what is psychic reading
xplr psychic reading hoodie
x-men psychics
x and y psychic pokemon
x psychopath reader
psychic reading yes or no
tarot reading yes or no
tarot reading youtube
tarot reading yes or no accurate
tarot reading youtube channels
tarot reading yes or no in hindi
tarot reading yes or no horoscope
tarot reading yourself
tarot reading yellow springs
yellow pages psychic reading
can you share your psychic reading
psychic reading 100
psychic reading 101
tarot reading 100 accurate
tarot reading 10 card spread
tarot reading 101
tarot reading 1 card
tarot reading 10 cards
tarot reading 111
tarot reading 10 of cups
tarot reading 1111
1.99 for 10 minutes psychic reading
10 minute psychic reading for $1
2024 psychic reading
psychic number 2 meaning
2 of pentacles psychic revelation
2 of wands psychic revelation
2 swords psychic revelation
tarot reading 3 card spread
tarot reading 3 cards
tarot reading 3 of cups
tarot reading 333
tarot reading 3 kings
tarot reading 31st
tarot reading $35
psychic number 3 meaning
flight 370 psychic reading
3 of swords psychic revelation
3 of pentacles psychic revelation
3 of wands psychic revelation
43551 psychic reading
4 psychic number
4 swords psychic revelation
4 of pentacles psychic revelation
tarot reading 5 card spread
tarot reading 5 of cups
psychic empath 5 books in 1
tarot reading 6 cards
tarot reading 6 of swords
tarot reading 6 of cups
psychic revelation 6 of wands
tarot reading 7
tarot reading 7 card spread
tarot reading 7 of cups
tarot reading 7 of swords
tarot reading 77084
psychic readings 90
tarot reading 9 card spread
tarot reading 94538
submitted by shaneka69 to mytarotreadings [link] [comments]
get a tarot reading
how often should you get a tarot reading
should i get a tarot reading
is it good to get a tarot reading
how much does it cost to get a tarot reading
how often should i get a tarot reading
best time to get a tarot reading
reasons to get a tarot reading
where can i get a tarot reading
why you should get a tarot reading
get a tarot reading online
getting a tarot reading in a dream
how to get the tarot card at arasaka tower
how to get the tarot card above misty
what age can you get a tarot reading
how to ask for a tarot reading
ways to do a tarot reading
how to get tarot reading
what to do if you get a bad tarot reading
what to know before getting a tarot reading
what to expect when getting a tarot reading
get a tarot reading for free
a tarot reader
is it bad to get a tarot card reading
when you get a bad tarot reading
best tarot cards to get in a love reading
can you get a bad tarot reading
how to get a better tarot reading
can you get a tarot reading online
where can i get a tarot card reading
can i get a free tarot reading online
how often should you get a tarot card reading
get a tarot card reading
worst cards to get in a tarot reading
what do you get from a tarot reading
i got a tarot card reading
i want a tarot reading
i need a tarot reading
how to get a free tarot reading
what is a general tarot reading
when should i get a tarot reading
how long should a tarot reading be
how to get a tarot reading
how many times can you get a tarot reading
how to get the most out of a tarot reading
how to get a good tarot reading
is it safe to get a tarot reading
when is the best time to get a tarot reading
why get a tarot reading
learn tarot reading near me
what happens when you get a tarot reading
where to get a tarot reading near me
get a card reader natwest
buy tarot card near me
when not to get a tarot reading
what to get a tarot reading on
buy tarot card online
quick tarot reading
questions to ask when getting a tarot reading
questions for a tarot reading
should you get a tarot reading
getting a tarot reading
what to do when you get tarot cards
get a reading with theresa caputo
where to get a tarot reading
x tarot reversed
z tarot
1 tarot card reading
2 tarot card reading
2 card tarot reading free
2 card tarot spreads
3 tarot reading
3 card reading tarot free
3 card tarot reading new age store
3 card tarot reading questions
4 card tarot reading free
4 tarot card reading
4 tarot card reading meaning
5 card tarot reading free
5 card reading tarot
6 card tarot reading free
how to read a 6 card tarot spread
6 card reading tarot
6 card relationship tarot spread
7 tarot reading
7 card tarot reading free
7 card tarot reading free online
8 card tarot reading
8 card spread tarot reading
9 card tarot reading
how to read a 9 card tarot spread
psychic reading
psychic reading near me
psychic reading free
psychic reading online
free psychic reading by date of birth and time
psychic reading free love
psychic reading cards
psychic readings by danielle
psychic readings by alicia
psychic reading meaning
eva tarot psychic reading
rebecca's psychic reading ted lasso
free psychic reading app
psychic reading ai
psychic reading apple pay
psychic reading banner
bali psychic reading
bobby brown psychic reading
benefits of psychic reading
bts psychic reading
birth chart psychic reading
best psychic reading
psychic reading cards meaning
psychic reading cards deck
daily psychic reading free
dallas psychic reading nyc
david schultz psychic reading
dark psychic reading
dangers of psychic reading
psychic reading elijah vue
psychic readings near me
psychic reading near me open now
elijah vue psychic reading
empress chain spiritual psychic reading
ethical psychic reading
email free psychic reading
experienced psychic reading
elsa psychic reading
psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading for today
psychic reading for riley strain
psychic reading for 2024
psychic reading free by date of birth
psychic reading flyers
psychic reading for aries
psychic reading for elijah vue
free psychic reading for love
free psychic reading cards
free psychic reading for leo
fertility psychic reading free
free psychic reading for virgo
free psychic reading for libra
free psychic reading for cancer
free psychic reading for taurus
psychic reading generator
psychic reading gif
psychic reading german
psychic reading gold creek
gemini psychic reading
gretchen fleming psychic reading
ghost psychic reading
goddess elite psychic reading
kelsey grammer psychic reading
sal governale psychic reading
psychic reading hannah mount sinai
psychic reading hoodie xplr
headache after psychic reading
horoscope psychic reading
howard stern sal psychic reading
henry cavill psychic reading
hand psychic reading
psychic reading in st louis mo
psychic reading in weymouth
impractical jokers psychic reading episode
i get a free psychic reading
i free psychic reading
psychic reading jobs online
psychic reading joslin smith
psychic reader joyce
psychic reader jerry
tarot reading jobs
tarot reading jakarta
tarot reading jobs from home
tarot reading jobs near me
tarot reading journal
tarot reading jobs remote
jungkook psychic reading
joslin smith psychic reading
january psychic reading
jade psychic and tarot reading cape town
kate middleton psychic reading youtube
kyle psychic reading
kim porter psychic reading
kim's psychic reading room
kris jenner psychic reading
kim kardashian psychic reading
kpop psychic reading
kelsey psychic reading
princess kate psychic reading
psychic reading lounge reviews
psychic reading ltd
love psychic reading free
libra psychic reading
leo psychic reading
love psychic reading free by date of birth
live psychic reading free online
love psychic reading online
leo psychic reading today
psychic reading meaning in hindi
psychic reading malaysia
psychic reading malvern
psychic reading meaning in hindi with example
morgan nick psychic reading
matthew perry psychic reading
my psychic reading today
psychic reading near scarborough
nebula psychic reading
nebula astrology and psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading near me
yes or no psychic reading
psychic reading online free
psychic reading online cards
psychic reading on riley strain
psychic reading on elijah vue
psychic reading on samantha murphy
online psychic reading manchester
old port maine psychic reading
online psychic reading
psychic reading pathfinder
psychic reading pismo beach photos
psychic reading pismo beach reviews
psychic reading princess kate
psychic reading quiz
tarot reading questions
tarot reading quotes
tarot reading questions about love
tarot reading quiz
spiritual reading quotes
tarot reading questions about career
tarot reading questions about life
tarot reading queen of cups
tarot reading quezon city
question psychic reading
relationship psychic reading questions
que significa psychic reading
que es psychic reading
psychic reading riley strain
psychic reading royal family
relationship psychic reading free
rebecca welton psychic reading
ryan shtuka psychic reading
random psychic reading
rose renee psychic reading
cameron robbins psychic reading
psychic reading spotify
psychic reading shirt
psychic reading shreveport
psychic reading today
psychic reading tube top
psychic reading template
turkish coffee psychic reading
ted lasso rebecca psychic reading
tarot psychic reading near me
tea leaf psychic reading
today's psychic reading
turkish coffee psychic reading nyc
true love psychic reading
tiktok psychic reading
taurus psychic reading
psychic reading ubud
tarot reading ubud
tarot reading using playing cards
tarot reading uk free
tarot reading upside down cards
tarot reading uluwatu
spiritual reading ubud
tarot reading unique
tarot reading utah
tarot reading udemy
unintentional psychic reading
online psychic reading us
psychic reader reading uk
psychic reading in urdu
virgo psychic reading
valentine psychic reading
vicki psychic reading
vivid psychic reading
vampire psychic reading
psychic reading with playing cards
what is psychic reading
xplr psychic reading hoodie
x-men psychics
x and y psychic pokemon
x psychopath reader
psychic reading yes or no
tarot reading yes or no
tarot reading youtube
tarot reading yes or no accurate
tarot reading youtube channels
tarot reading yes or no in hindi
tarot reading yes or no horoscope
tarot reading yourself
tarot reading yellow springs
yellow pages psychic reading
can you share your psychic reading
psychic reading 100
psychic reading 101
tarot reading 100 accurate
tarot reading 10 card spread
tarot reading 101
tarot reading 1 card
tarot reading 10 cards
tarot reading 111
tarot reading 10 of cups
tarot reading 1111
1.99 for 10 minutes psychic reading
10 minute psychic reading for $1
2024 psychic reading
psychic number 2 meaning
2 of pentacles psychic revelation
2 of wands psychic revelation
2 swords psychic revelation
tarot reading 3 card spread
tarot reading 3 cards
tarot reading 3 of cups
tarot reading 333
tarot reading 3 kings
tarot reading 31st
tarot reading $35
psychic number 3 meaning
flight 370 psychic reading
3 of swords psychic revelation
3 of pentacles psychic revelation
3 of wands psychic revelation
43551 psychic reading
4 psychic number
4 swords psychic revelation
4 of pentacles psychic revelation
tarot reading 5 card spread
tarot reading 5 of cups
psychic empath 5 books in 1
tarot reading 6 cards
tarot reading 6 of swords
tarot reading 6 of cups
psychic revelation 6 of wands
tarot reading 7
tarot reading 7 card spread
tarot reading 7 of cups
tarot reading 7 of swords
tarot reading 77084
psychic readings 90
tarot reading 9 card spread
tarot reading 94538
2024.05.15 02:18 Unit_Any How to feed crows in the wild around my home?
Hi! I'm sure this question has been asked a thousand times, but I looked back and couldn't find any recent posts that were terribly similar, so I'd like to ask for some advice.
I live in a rural, mostly wooded area in Mississippi and I've been noticing a lot of crows around my home recently. I don't have much company or any visitors around here, so I think it would be enjoyable to feed the crows and have them hanging around. I know they are very smart.
Would it be okay to feed them? Or are they best left alone? I don't want to have a negative impact on the surrounding wildlife.
But if it is safe to feed them, what should I give them? And how should I give it to them? I mean, I am such a novice, I don't know whether it would be better to toss out some bird seed while they are away or throw some McNuggets at them while they are sitting on the tree limb. (Is McDonalds okay for crows?)
Thank you for any advice or suggestions!
submitted by Unit_Any to crows [link] [comments]
I live in a rural, mostly wooded area in Mississippi and I've been noticing a lot of crows around my home recently. I don't have much company or any visitors around here, so I think it would be enjoyable to feed the crows and have them hanging around. I know they are very smart.
Would it be okay to feed them? Or are they best left alone? I don't want to have a negative impact on the surrounding wildlife.
But if it is safe to feed them, what should I give them? And how should I give it to them? I mean, I am such a novice, I don't know whether it would be better to toss out some bird seed while they are away or throw some McNuggets at them while they are sitting on the tree limb. (Is McDonalds okay for crows?)
Thank you for any advice or suggestions!
2024.05.15 02:18 Unhappy-Magician-270 Veterinary can’t find what’s the problem with out cat
• Species: house cat • Age: 4 • Sex/Neuter status: female, neutered • Breed: European short haimixed • Body weight: 7kg • History: adopted at 4 months old from an animal welfare • Clinical signs: bloody soft stool, poos on carpet/bed/bathmat but also still uses litter box, she has tartar on her teeth and inflammation and her gums • Duration: over a year already • Your general location: Germany • Links to test results, vet reports, X-rays etc.
Hello everyone, thank you in advance! Our eldest (let’s call her A) developed a habit about a year ago where she started to poop on our bath mats, these escalated to the carpet and then unfortunately to one of our beds (it’s always the same bed). The poop is nearly always bloody in varying degrees. We saw several vets already but all seemed to not be sure what it could be. She also has inflammation on her gums and tartar on her teeth. We don’t know if it’s connected. We had to cancel/reschedule every dental restoration appointment for her since the vets didn’t put her under barcode while she still had blood in her poop. We don’t know any family history of diseases since she was found(?) by the sanctuary and she seems to be a mix of unknown breeds but definitely European short hair. She is very large and muscular but not chubby or overweight. The test and measurements the vets have taken so far are: 2x blood test 2x stool test Ultrasound Hypoallergenic Food: (Royal Canine dry food and concept kangaroo wet food) Special digestion food ( Hill‘s i/d) And right now: hypoallergenic food ( hill‘s z/d)
So far nothing has helped at all and unfortunately the problem is escalating more and more. While at the beginning she only pooped bloody on the carpet once a week she now poops bloody several times a day outside of the litter box and also pees on the same areas. She also still uses the litter boxes regularly.
We have three cats. A, then P (female/4) who we adopted together since they were best friends at the animal shelter, and M (male/1) who we got summer last year. They are all neutered and strictly inside cats only. They do have access to a gated balcony when the weather is warm.
I am really scared that something is extremely wrong with A and we will find out when it’s too late. We love her so much and the thought of her being in pain is just too much.
A is a extremely smart and sensitive cat and at the same time very stubborn so giving her medication is always a huge ordeal. She is the matriarch of the little herd she has here. She always licks the heads of the other two and very patient with all of us. She usually gets some of my food when it’s cat safe (unseasoned meat) or we cook her different meats (chicken, salmon, beef) as a little extra treat. Maybe that might have been a problem?We didn’t do that since we had to start the food regiment and it still didn’t help.
I don’t know how to upload pictures here but there were tiny white dots in her poop just an hour ago.
Thank you so much in advance!
submitted by Unhappy-Magician-270 to AskVet [link] [comments]
Hello everyone, thank you in advance! Our eldest (let’s call her A) developed a habit about a year ago where she started to poop on our bath mats, these escalated to the carpet and then unfortunately to one of our beds (it’s always the same bed). The poop is nearly always bloody in varying degrees. We saw several vets already but all seemed to not be sure what it could be. She also has inflammation on her gums and tartar on her teeth. We don’t know if it’s connected. We had to cancel/reschedule every dental restoration appointment for her since the vets didn’t put her under barcode while she still had blood in her poop. We don’t know any family history of diseases since she was found(?) by the sanctuary and she seems to be a mix of unknown breeds but definitely European short hair. She is very large and muscular but not chubby or overweight. The test and measurements the vets have taken so far are: 2x blood test 2x stool test Ultrasound Hypoallergenic Food: (Royal Canine dry food and concept kangaroo wet food) Special digestion food ( Hill‘s i/d) And right now: hypoallergenic food ( hill‘s z/d)
So far nothing has helped at all and unfortunately the problem is escalating more and more. While at the beginning she only pooped bloody on the carpet once a week she now poops bloody several times a day outside of the litter box and also pees on the same areas. She also still uses the litter boxes regularly.
We have three cats. A, then P (female/4) who we adopted together since they were best friends at the animal shelter, and M (male/1) who we got summer last year. They are all neutered and strictly inside cats only. They do have access to a gated balcony when the weather is warm.
I am really scared that something is extremely wrong with A and we will find out when it’s too late. We love her so much and the thought of her being in pain is just too much.
A is a extremely smart and sensitive cat and at the same time very stubborn so giving her medication is always a huge ordeal. She is the matriarch of the little herd she has here. She always licks the heads of the other two and very patient with all of us. She usually gets some of my food when it’s cat safe (unseasoned meat) or we cook her different meats (chicken, salmon, beef) as a little extra treat. Maybe that might have been a problem?We didn’t do that since we had to start the food regiment and it still didn’t help.
I don’t know how to upload pictures here but there were tiny white dots in her poop just an hour ago.
Thank you so much in advance!
2024.05.15 02:11 CobaltAzurean The World, the Flesh, and the Devil Pt1, Ch2.0: God Sends Meat
 | Earth - Cetus submitted by CobaltAzurean to Warframe [link] [comments] After depositing a second Wukong in one of Lua’s many craters, the mercurial monkey piloted their RailJack vessel, an ancient space-worthy war relic from a conflagration fought in the firmament and long thought forgotten, to drop a third Wukong at the Drifter’s Camp before heading to one of the last surviving human settlements; Cetus, home to the Ostron people. The humid air was hot and heavy with the pungent odor of sea salt, sweat, and blood as the rising tide sluiced at the rocky shore of Cetus’ beach that ran closest to its most identifiable landmark: a half-mile tall tower to the heavens. Rumor was it ran equally deep into the bedrock, lower chambers full of eldritch monsters and other equally implausible horrors told to Ostron children to keep them well-behaved. The Tower of the Unum, or simply The Wall by ignorant outsiders, was home to a presence that the Ostrons kept in nigh-holy reverence, hidden away behind and within her walls at the pin-center of the universe, rationing out her prophetic secrets. The final assault on Earth by Narmer hadn’t been able to fully cow the Unum into submission, even after they had crashed one of their own mammoth Murex galleons from orbit into her, she continued to stand unbowed. Damaged certainly, even suppressed to a degree, but unbowed all the same. Wukong released the dual control grips, stepping from the pilot’s sconce after the stabilizer harness had retracted with a quiet pneumatic hum, which handed over control of the helm to Cephalon Cy for their final approach to Cetus. This cephalon system was a digital personage who served during the Old War and was forgotten as a ghost ship in the vestiges of dark, cold space. The Orbiter’s own cephalon, Ordis, has uncovered the fragmented mystery and Cy was eventually reassembled and recovered to manage the systems of the Railjack where his vaunted experience and esoteric knowledge was invaluable. “Wukong disembarking. Pressurization equalized. Dropping out of airlock.” Cy reported in a flattened tone, a sharp departure from Ordis’ light-hearted and conversational inquisitiveness. The celestial chimp lightly tapped one end of his staff to his forehead in a parody of a military salute and stepped onto the entry/exit umbilicus seal, which unceremoniously spat him out into the sweltering air of Earth’s equatorial coastal region. As his fractured form plummeted towards the unforgiving depth of the ocean, he reached within and simply stopped in mid-air, cloudwalking and now invisible to even the most sophisticated sensors. With this ability, he could just fly to the top of the Tower and let himself in, much like his counterpart was currently doing on Lua, but decorum with the Unum had to be followed. If she didn’t wish to talk with him, he would abruptly find himself outside and possibly banned from further interaction. And his plan absolutely required her assistance at a number of stages so, again, decorum. With that decided, he descended quickly to the beach, reappearing in an almost imperceptible puff of displaced air, taking only the briefest of moments to enjoy a cooling breeze coming off the sea, kissing his faceted flesh as he turned his face upward to gaze at the very height of the Tower. Aside from being the heart and home of the revered Unum, it was also one of the very last living towers within the Origin system that survived relatively intact from the collapse of the Orokin empire, aside from the recent damage during the Narmer campaign, and outside the Void. With the mere consideration of that unimaginable place, at that very moment it would have been difficult to determine if the condensation that beaded on his obsidian skin was from the misting ocean spray… or fear. The space simian shook himself out of his momentary reverie, rolled both of his shoulders to hopefully ease some of the chill that had trickled down his spine, and walked down the short length of the surprisingly inhospitable beach from where he had landed, the settlement of Cetus to his immediate right. Small open-walled tents made up most of the Ostron’s housing and market where, even at this significant distance, Wukong could hear the boisterous merchants calling out their various and myriad wares to be keenly haggled over and hopefully sold. On any other day, he would have walked through the length of the bazaar, captivated by its tantalizing sensorum, if only to be temporarily reminded of how things used to be. As if on cue, his keen peripheral vision caught the blackened remains of a burned down structure, surrounded by small, colorful trinkets of sorrow and remembrance for those lost during Narmer’s brutal occupation. Never again, he reminded himself. Best be about it then. The mercurial monkey stepped out of Sol’s warm embrace and into the cool shadow of the Unum’s tower, turning to fully face the structure. There was a brief glint of light towards the very upper reaches of the Tower, perhaps just sunlight reflecting off one of its many golden and gilded surfaces, but no; Wukong abruptly vanished in an emerald flash, gone from the beach as suddenly as he had come. Within a minute, the tide had washed his impressions in the sand away as though they had never been. Apparently she’s willing to speak with me after all, he thought drily. Even though he had partially been expecting it, he still had been surprised at how fast it happened. What the space simian lacked in raw strength, and he wasn’t weak amongst his constituents, he certainly made up for with startling speed. Unsurprisingly though, he was in the upper-most chamber of the Unum’s tower, which still remained halfway exposed to the outside elements from the Murex’s collision. “I know why you’re here,” the Unum’s presence reverberated throughout the entire structure, including Wukong, making him feel more than hear what she wanted to communicate. Coincidentally, the Lotus spoke those exact words at precisely the same time light-minutes away under the surface of Lua to a different, yet the same, Wukong. If only he believed in coincidences. “Then you know what I need and how soon I need it.” he stated aloud, although he was absolutely convinced that if he thought it, she would have received it equally well. Coincidentally, almost as though in response to his words, a white and puffy cloud passed overhead, blocking the sun and briefly dimmed the ambient light in the open room, except for a single golden ray that illuminated a large urn, intricately wrought with precious metal filigree. Show off, he thought wryly to himself. An unexpected wave of briney seawater splashed the celestial chimp in the face as he found himself back outside and standing on the small wooden pier reserved for those who wished for an audience with the Unum. The tide had just reached its high point, slapping against the bottom-side of the well-worn planks. He swiveled his head to the left and glanced behind him, confirming that the ceremonial urn had made the instantaneous journey outside with him before cutting his eyes right and up towards the skyline above the beach. The unmistakable distinctive acoustic signature of a Grineer Skaut craft would have normally alarmed the folks of Cetus, especially considering that standard Grineer forces were just on the other side of the energy barrier supplied by the Unum to keep the Ostrons safe from the horrors that wandered the Plains of Eidolon. Yet their faith in her was absolute, and if it was indeed a threat, it would be subject to the Jade Light and atomized appropriately. So they continued their daily routine without anything other than a cursory glance at the craft’s ingress towards the diminutive pier. The drab green military vessel entered into hover mode after it drifted to within a dozen paces from the edge of the pier, violent air currents whipping ragged gouts of seawater around it, and the back of the ship mouthed open to lolled out a reinforced steel gangplank. Kahl-175 marched out from inside the Skaut, stopping before having to step onto the pier itself, only trusting his weight to the sturdy gangplank. “Tenno.” he said automatically. Features impassive, the space simian immediately repeated, “Wukong, Kahl-175. Ayatan are stars and the Tenno are-” “Children of Zariman.” Kahl finished with a self-satisfied nod, a pleased expression creasing his craggy features. Progress, Wukong thought. So there is potential here. “Wukong said same thing earlier.” the Grineer tubeman stated, turning to look back up the ramp to where the mercurial monkey had been standing before he had debarked the Skaut. No one stood there. Kahl grimaced, furrowing his brow, and turning back to the pier. “Where…” No one stood there either. Even the urn was gone. With surprising deftness, Kahl spun around to the mouth of the hovering ship, the air around him alight with small rainbow reflections from the hot sun directly overhead and the scattered water droplets in the air. Wukong stood there. With the urn. “What’s that?” Kahl asked after gathering his tubeman-grade wits about him. “A gift.” At the far end of the pier where it met the sand, a small group of Ostrons approached carrying a impressively-sized swath of the Unum’s tower, cultivated from the lower levels that met the water line. It was an entirely common and accepted practice of the Cetus population for the Tower’s living flesh to be harvested and used as sustenance after it had been appropriately prepared, with the Unum’s permission of course. For them it was just another way that the Unum provided for and protected from the ravages of poor harvests and malnutrition. The portion that was being delivered up to the craft, however, could have fed the entire village for a month straight. And there was a second group of Ostrons behind the first, with an equally sized swath, both of which were delivered into the cargo space of the Skaut without delay, as ordered by the Unum. The men and women of Cetus were very respectful of them both, nodding repeatedly and receiving instruction without question, especially the dark one with his obsidian skin whom had been received by the Unum earlier in the summer day, and returned to the beach where they were then told to provide a very specific amount of Tower harvest. As the workers were hastily retreating off the gangplank and returning to the pier proper, barely heard over the rising whine of the engines powering up to leave orbit and pneumatic closing of rear hatch, Wukong caught them whispering amongst themselves that the offworlders were blessed with an urn of the Unum’s precious Temple Kuva. |
2024.05.15 02:05 No-Window9853 I think that Trump is the most likely candidate to win the 2024 election, he will become a dictator, and people are sleepwalking.
This is a throwaway account, but I am genuinely concerned about the direction of the United States, and how it will affect the rest of the world too. For all of our lives, America was about freedom and democracy. It may not have been perfect, but we at least had tons of freedom. We have the freedom to be friends with whoever we like, to enjoy whichever entertainment we'd like, for which news we could get, and to use whichever websites we want to (including this one). I also believe in peace, and that people can get along no matter what race, ethnicity, nationality, or their sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, disability, etc, and I believe in going forwards. Unfortunately it looks like we are heavily going backwards, especially with Donald Trump (who has been charged SEVERAL TIMES, and is on trial) as a presumptive nominee. I think we all need to learn that we shouldn't take democracy for granted, but now we live in a time where we are so dangerously close to fascism, where everyone (especially marginalized groups) will face oppression. as Trump is trying to be a dictator (With even more authoritarian rhetoric than ever before. He even said he wanted to be a dictator "only on day one", but history tells us that they last far longer than just a day.) and unfortunately I think he's going to succeed, especially after SCOTUS gives him full immunity and renders him above the law. The worst part about all this is that so many Americans are sleepwalking into it, and some even embracing it. I am heavily believing now that no matter who legitimately wins the election, Trump is going to be in office, and our freedoms will go away (being EXACTLY what the Founders, the real ones and not the MAGA versions, didn't want.). Back in the late 2010s, it would have been considered a partisan hyperbolic statement by Democrats , but after 01/06/21, and the further radicalization of the GOP (to the point it's mostly just the Trump party), plus the extreme polarization, its safe to say that our democracy is unlikely to survive the 2024 election, and here's why a dictatorship is very likely (or inevitable).
One of the worst things about this is that many people are sleepwalking into it, or don't even care. The mass media isn't covering enough of this, but instead "Biden is old" or stuff like that, which isn't helping one bit (especially when owned by billionaires), and what's even worse is that many of these people won't even realize the danger that's coming until it's way too late. Even worse than that is that many people (Especially MAGA) are saying they'd prefer a dictatorship (though maybe not outright, though the fact that they support Putin is telling), and are saying that it's what America needs, and they (wrongly) believe that they will benefit from it. Not only that, a survey has revealed that Gen Z is actually leaning towards dictatorship as well. and not only that, Corporate America is starting to embrace the upcoming dictatorship. They believe they will benefit from it (they won't), being one of the reasons why the mass media won't report this enough. And not only that, it seems like NOTHING can stop him, not even a criminal trial (instead of opening the eyes of Maga, they will see him as being persecuted, meaning there is absolutely NOTHING that could open their eyes, they will never see him as someone who ONLY cares about himself, but as a savior, and i'm frightened by that.).
All of this will result in Trump winning the election (Which will be even more likely once he gets full immunity), and of course our democracy falling apart, the only belief system allowed being (their version of) Christianity, Ukraine being taken over by Putin, and a possible Civil War II (or even worse, WWIII, and a possible nuclear apocalypse). Even worse than that, Putin could take over the US and betray Trump as well (and we will be totally fucked), but if not then Trump may try to take over the world. History tells is that usually the only way to get rid of a dictator is by violence, and we don't want to get to that point, but unfortunately, it looks like its inevitable. Soon we may have to say goodbye to our rights and freedoms, and we will accept that we may lose some of our friends along the way, we may no longer be able to do whatever activities we enjoyed doing, as well as living in fear for a very long time. They also say that a loss of hope for our democracy could contribute to it, and admittedly, it's very hard to feel hopeful right now considering all of the factors, but there is still a little bit of hope. We can prepare for this, and make it so this is less likely,
submitted by No-Window9853 to CollapseSupport [link] [comments]
- Apathetic Voters and Protest votes. If you look at almost all of the polls, Biden and Trump are either tied, or Trump is in the lead by a small margin. In case you haven't noticed, Biden doesn't really have much of a loyal fanbase, meanwhile, Trump has a literal cult who will follow him NO MATTER WHAT. Biden's approval rating has sunken over the years, partially due to inflation (Even though things have been getting better recently), and of course the support of Israel (despite Trump probably being even worse when its this), he signed the bill that will likely Ban TikTok (Even though Trump called for that first, then flip flopped, even though he doesn't care about tiktok) and there is yet another issue than can never be fixed, HIS AGE (though Trump really isn't much younger.) As a result, he has lost the young vote, and many people would either vote for a 3rd party candidate or for Trump as a protest vote, or vote for Trump due his time in office being more "peaceful" and having better "economy" (Even though Trump sides with PUTIN in invading Ukraine, and the fact that the covid recession started under Trump, and lets not forget the George Floyd protests and Trump trying to stop even the PEACEFUL ones, he even threatened to use the MILITARY to do it.) Either that, or they'd refuse to vote for anyone thinking that all the options suck or that Trump will for sure lose so them voting is unnecessary. But, that's one of the reasons why Hillary Clinton lost the 2016 election and Trump won (only by the electoral vote), and why we are all in this mess in the first place.
- Voter suppression: Even if there were a lot of people who would actually want Biden to win, Ever since the 2020 election, republican lawmakers across states have passed several voter suppression laws to make it harder for those who are most likely to vote against Trump or other republican candidates. More people would also be disenfranchised. Even worse than that, is that some of it could even be done by force, such as Maga people guarding the polls, and even Poll workers not working fairly either.
- Overturning an election could happen. Even if Biden won the election legitimately, there is still a chance that the election could be overturned, and not only that, there's a HIGHER CHANCE of it being successful than in 2020. In fact people are already planning the election denial just in case Biden wins, which will ensure that it will be more likely to be a success, so it's very likely that even if Biden legitimately wins, Trump will be in office.
- January 6 could happen again. Even if the election doesn't get overturned, there is another way Trump could get in office, BY FORCE! When January 6 happened, it was very violent and scary, but it didn't prevent Biden from getting in office. However, things are likely to be different in 2025, and as such January 6 may be more likely to be successful than last time. They may use some tactics that are UNTHINKABLE, and of course, Trump could power grab and be in office, and thus become a dictator.
One of the worst things about this is that many people are sleepwalking into it, or don't even care. The mass media isn't covering enough of this, but instead "Biden is old" or stuff like that, which isn't helping one bit (especially when owned by billionaires), and what's even worse is that many of these people won't even realize the danger that's coming until it's way too late. Even worse than that is that many people (Especially MAGA) are saying they'd prefer a dictatorship (though maybe not outright, though the fact that they support Putin is telling), and are saying that it's what America needs, and they (wrongly) believe that they will benefit from it. Not only that, a survey has revealed that Gen Z is actually leaning towards dictatorship as well. and not only that, Corporate America is starting to embrace the upcoming dictatorship. They believe they will benefit from it (they won't), being one of the reasons why the mass media won't report this enough. And not only that, it seems like NOTHING can stop him, not even a criminal trial (instead of opening the eyes of Maga, they will see him as being persecuted, meaning there is absolutely NOTHING that could open their eyes, they will never see him as someone who ONLY cares about himself, but as a savior, and i'm frightened by that.).
All of this will result in Trump winning the election (Which will be even more likely once he gets full immunity), and of course our democracy falling apart, the only belief system allowed being (their version of) Christianity, Ukraine being taken over by Putin, and a possible Civil War II (or even worse, WWIII, and a possible nuclear apocalypse). Even worse than that, Putin could take over the US and betray Trump as well (and we will be totally fucked), but if not then Trump may try to take over the world. History tells is that usually the only way to get rid of a dictator is by violence, and we don't want to get to that point, but unfortunately, it looks like its inevitable. Soon we may have to say goodbye to our rights and freedoms, and we will accept that we may lose some of our friends along the way, we may no longer be able to do whatever activities we enjoyed doing, as well as living in fear for a very long time. They also say that a loss of hope for our democracy could contribute to it, and admittedly, it's very hard to feel hopeful right now considering all of the factors, but there is still a little bit of hope. We can prepare for this, and make it so this is less likely,
- Everyone should vote: Everyone who is allowed to vote should vote. The two party system sucks, and I'm not the biggest Biden fan, but I'm voting for him anyway, because he's the lesser of the two evils, especially when the only other major choice is trying to overthrow the government. I think a vote for a 3rd party candidate or someone else who isn't on the ballot is a vote for trump, please let's not repeat 2016.
- Fight Voter suppression by supporting some non profit pro democracy groups, especially non partisan ones.
- Fighting against the overturning, again by supporting the same organizations.
- The people at the Capitol should be prepared for what will happen the next attack.
2024.05.15 02:05 Party_Address5341 Why am I not good enough? seriously?
(29M) About a year ago I got out of an abusive relationship. My former partner(Female a year older than me) would not hesitate to be mentally abusive, and on some occasions physically. She was also financially abusive. And controlling. My former partner had BPD and knew lots of ways to manipulate my neuro divergent tendencies. Things like telling me i was stupid, I was nothing without her, I didnt have any friends ect. The instances of abuse were always framed as my fault because in her words I "just pushed her and pushed her and pushed her". a year ago I escaped that situation and since then have not really shown any interest in having an intimate relationship with anyone in that time. I was also in therapy and still am. Even though I didn't try to pursue an relationship, women would still show interest in me and these things have been detrimental to my self worth because these women show interest and then for whatever reason are deterred from ever talking to me again. The first instance was a girl that showed a lot of interest and even gave me her number with out me asking for it we texted for 2 months and she began to text me less and less. I eventually just asked her about it and said that she didn't want to give me the idea we could be more than friends even though she was the one who pursued me and wanted to talk about deeply personal topics like the kind you would if you were romantically interested in some one. I decided to just move on but this did make me feel really dejected and like I was unfit for anyone to really want to consider me as their partner unless they had ulterior motives of control and abuse as those seem to be the only relationships I've been in throughout my adult life. Which is only reinforced by my cycle of thinking as I didn't date or even have a lot of friends in my teen years. After this I met a girl at a bar who was actually working there. I know that bar staff are supposed to make you feel welcome and be overly friendly as I've been in quite a few, but this was different. I would come to this bar with a friend of mine and it was known and would be well on display that I was the designated driver. I've never really been much of a drinker, my friend on the other hand enjoys his libations. He tends to ask me to go because he knows I can keep him in check, and because I train martial arts can keep the situation under control if things get out of hand. Essentially he knows I can ensure he's safe and I can keep a conversation going. Anyway this girl notices I'm the dd because I'll only get a water when we come in and starts to leave from behind the bar and bring me a water when we walk in regularly. We also start to engage in conversation pretty heavily. So one night I came in by myself because my friends work schedule had changed I gather all my courage and ask her for her number. She seems pretty happy about this since we had been talking for the better part of 3hrs before hand and she even gave me a hug before I left. I texted her a little while after leaving the bar so she would also have my number. I received no reply. I figured she was busy so I didn't think too much of it. A whole week goes by with no reply. I finally decided to send a text jokingly asking her if she was ghosting me. I get a one sentence reply stating "heeyyy I've been busy" about an hour and a half later. I text her back "hey don't apologize I'm here when you're ready to talk" I meant it as a nonchalant reply like "hey no rush I'd just like to talk when your free" I wasn't upset or anything but I suppose it could've been misconstrued as being passive aggressive. That being said she never replied to me again. The feelings I mentioned previously creep back in and I don't even talk to another woman until almost 7 months later. This was also not a planned instance as I had gone out to a bar to participate in a kind of baby shower type get together a friend of mine was having. I didn't plan on talking to anyone who was woman, especially since the party I was going to was divided by gender as some celebrations of a child being on the way will be. I had already been at this bar for a few hours and was planning on leaving until my friends wife decided to bring her party over to the same bar and it ended up being just a casual hang out as the women that were involved with the mother's part of the get-together were now intermingling amongst us. As this was happening I had noticed one of the women had a tattoo of the avenged sevenfold logo on her back. I struck up a conversation with her about how I was a fan of theirs in junior high and so were my friends. We then continued to chat and I found out that we actually had a lot of things in common not just music taste,and that we both played guitar, but also stances on politics and humor and just about anything else we talked about. I talked to this woman for close to 8hrs we even went around the corner to a pub to get food. While we were doing this she invited me to come over to her apartment we then proceeded to sit on her couch and share different songs and genres we liked with eachother and talking about life, while smoking weed as she had a prescription and I suppose didn't want to be rude so offered me some. I'm not a smoker really but obliged. While this was going on I did disclose to her my financial situation and that I lived with my parents because I was trying to get back on my feet again. She seemed really supportive about this as well. We later started watching the show black mirror and were starting to get closer physically her legs were draped over one of mine. Her chest was over top of mine. My arm had slid behind her back and our faces were a bit close. I'm really cautious about consent and personal space because of the abuse I went through so I asked her "hey would I ruin the vibe if I kissed you?" Kind of nervously as I was a little high. She just kind of giggled and said she liked to take things slow. I said it wasn't a problem and respected her decision and we continued watching back mirror in the same position. Later she said she was going to go to bed and I said I would sleep on the couch. I kicked off my shoes and was laying on the couch still high. The door to her bedroom which was across the apartment from the couch only about 8ft away was open and I turned my head and asked "hey did you want me to come to bed with you?" She said yes so I promptly went into the bedroom and we began cuddling. I fell asleep. The next day I woke up and we still cuddling. We both kind of woke up at the same time. We talked a little while still pretty much spooning eachother. While we were doing this she kissed me. We then kind of softly made out, talked a little got out of bed sat on the couch, kissed a few more times, watched black mirror. This whole time I've gotten 2 calls from a friend of mine who I am in a band with we practice on Sundays and I was going to be late I considered not showing up but ultimately relented and decided I didn't want to be clingy and wear out my welcome especially since I hadn't planned on any of this and she had slightly been hinting about starting her Sunday routine and I didnt want to throw off her process to get her week started. So I decided to leave. I kissed her again told her I'd really like to see her again and left. A few hours later while I was at band practice I sent her a meme She replied about a day later. Since then our texting was really scant. She did disclose when we met that she wasn't on her phone a lot and didn't text that much so I chalked it up to that. I tried to really have a conversation going but couldn't. I also asked if she wanted to hang out that Thursday as I had the day off. She said she was busy which I thought no problem. Oddly enough I got an update on Facebook that she had posted in a musicians page I'm a part of about wanting to meet up and jam with other people that same day. Also we didn't add eachother on social media so she had no idea if I would see this. I though it was weird but didn't really think anything of it outside of "hey I play guitar too why can't we hang out and play?" After that I got sick and she happened to stop texting me. The next week I sent another meme and sparked a sparse text conversation that went nowhere. Then a few days after that on the advice of my therapist I decided to just ask her out on a date. I was ignored. This made me feel like utter fucking shit. As well as being confused as to why she would spend so much time with me, kiss me, and even half ass text me. To just ignore me. The thoughts I previously mentioned crept back into my skull and were very intense. I started to spiral and think why it would happen. I thought about my physical attributes, about how I was over six foot tall, about how I was in decent shape, about how even some of my male friends and people in a professional environment had told me I should be a model, that I was "handsome". I'm kind and compassionate. I try to be a great conversationalist. It just didn't make any sense to me it didn't feel fair. I was heartbroken as I thought I had met someone who actually appreciated my taste in music (she Even told me I had good taste in music), the fact I was kind of awkward. She liked my point of view and ideas on things. She liked that I looked out for my friends. She seemed to accept me. After all of that she didn't it wasn't even real I guess. Since then I was having a lot of negative thoughts I even found some old Facebook messages this girl I had known had sent me when I was a teen in which she was emotionally manipulating me Essentially wanting me to be limerent (she had even posted on my wall about how she cared about me and was sorry she couldn't make it to my graduation that she never intended on going to) which added to all of this negative thinking I had been experiencing lately. (I even thought to myself I sounded like an incel which also was disheartening those people suck and I dont even want to be considered in the same catagory as men who would treat women that way) I really just don't know what my problem is and I just don't want to try to get back in to dating as well because I don't like this feeling of being dejected and not feeling worthy of some one else's love. I'm left with this deep hurt and I just want to say fuck it I'm done.
submitted by Party_Address5341 to rejectionsensitive [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:01 Subject_Media_682 How it ended
How It Ended
by Ethan O’Driscoll
A thrilling Post apocalypse story
Intro
HRV-1
22 July 2024
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
This is my latest report on the HRV-1 Virus we were instructed to design by the Russian Government.
The HRV-1 is an incredibly viral and infectious Retrovirus similar to HIV. Changes have been make on a genetic level to provide the request modes of transmission and symptoms.
Those symptoms are:
The infection vectors are:
Chapter 1
The Outbreak
1 January 2025
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
I can’t believe the bastards used it. The first cases came in from Kiev in December from there it spread like a wild fire through Europe the death toll now sits at 65 millions. The hordes rampage through city after city by the millions. There is no way to stop this. What have I done.
NATO forces have established a quarantine of Europe but I can’t help but feel like its too little too late. My estimate is that all infected nations in Europe will be consumed within the next month or two. The Corporation has started the construction of a company safe haven for us higher ups. All we can do is hope the construction is complete before this thing breaks quarantine.
15 February 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
The world is ending. Europe is gone. The quarantine is broken. We’ve got cases in Asia, South America, Here at home in the US, Australia and Africa nowhere is safe. I did this.
Infection number right now:
The safe zone is complete at least we are planning on moving all operations and personal within the week. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. Dixie is my only saving grace and at least she’ll be safe. I pray for the soul of all those my creation has killed.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
Chapter 2
A New World
My name is Dixie Warren. Daughter of Dr Olivia Warren. Not that I’ve seen her in 15 years. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me to get on that NARU helicopter that she’d meet me at the safe zone. Those were the last words she ever said to me. I was 8 when the world ended.
Its been 15 years since the Outbreak. There isn’t really anything left of the old world. NARU still exists and turns out they created the virus and my mom was the head of the department that did it. They sold it to the Russians hoping they wouldn’t use it but they did.
It was specifically designed to spread and destroy as fast as possible and it did. I left the safe zone 2 years ago after I learned this information. Now I just spend my time wandering from town to town. My training on the NARU security team helps. At least I know all the best places to shoot a Freaker. That's what we call the infected and for good reason. Most of the time you’ll find them wondering around in groups of 5 to 10 if the group gets too big they turn on each other and form a pile of bodies devouring each other. They moan and scream to communicate and once they see you they will hunt you till you kill every last on of them or you get far enough away. They can run and are abnormally strong if there bodies aren’t damaged they’re a bitch to kill but I’m pretty good at it.
Right now I’m outside Richmond I’ve been stuck here for a week waiting for a large horde to move through. I’m hoping to hunt some of the stragglers and re-up on some supplies. A big horde like this usually leave a few hundred behind. My new AR has been waiting for some fun, I’ve got a new red dot and laser so I should be able to pop headshot after headshot but for now I should go find something to eat.
I’ve made it to a small department store outside the town. It looks like the horde is almost gone. Tons of freaks roaming around though. I can hear a few in the store. I’m going to try getting in through the back and take them out.
Made it back home and wow that store was a gold mine. I got food, water, bullets and even some whiskey. I’m going to enjoy the night then its time to hunt some stragglers. Then I’m thinking of going further south maybe New Orleans heard there might be a small settlement out there from another traveller, might be able to get another courier job or at least I’ll be able to stock up on supplies properly after all these years there isn’t much left in the cities to scavenge.
I better get some rest got a long day of freak killing and walking tomorrow.
Chapter 3
The Road to Home
I left Richmond yesterday. It’s a long road to New Orleans I wished I lived in the days when cars worked. NARU are the only people with working vehicles left and they aren’t exactly the sharing type. Its so lonely out here its been weeks since I last saw another living person the only things you see out here in the ruins are freaks by the hundreds. Its hard to believe the whole world was reduced to nothing by something my mom created. I remember her being the kindest most caring person in the world to think that she could create something so destructive is unbelievable. I’ve still got a long way to go the first city I should have to go through is Raleigh.
I’ve been walking for about a day and I can see the ruins from here. Its always so surreal to see the cities now, so desolate so empty. I remember growing up in Seattle, the city lights, the noise it was always so alive and busy. Now they’re all empty husks or mostly empty at least can’t forget about the freaks. Must’ve killed a thousand of them on my way here almost got bitten when one jumped me under an overpass about 10 miles back. Luckily my machete seems to be as good as ever at cutting up freaks. I should make it to Raleigh within the day.
Made it to Raleigh and its a mess, thousands of freaks I could hear the moaning and screaming from a mile away. I’m going to try finding my way around the city no point in trying to fight my way through a wall of freaks.
Heard crying coming from a house I walked past I decided to check it out and I found a young boy name Richie hiding in a bathroom with what looked like his infected parents trying to break the door down. I took both of them down with a clean headshot. The look on his face when he saw them dead breaks my heart. He says they’ve been hiding out in this house for a month or two after there homestead was overrun by freaks. Its a sad story but it gives me hope that people are at least trying to survive and rebuilt. He’s only 16 yet he’s seen so much and has nowhere else to go so I asked him if he wanted to stick with me and he was elated so I guess I’ve got a sidekick now. I’m not complaining should make the long lonely road more interesting. He’s got no combat experience but he can shoot a pistol so I gave him one of my backups at least I always carry extra. We’ve decided to hunker down for the night and do some scavenging before we leave for Charlotte tomorrow. I’ll be nice to have company for once I’ve been alone for so long.
I woke up to a gunshot and Richie screaming in the other room. When I got there I found Richie pale as snow and a little girl that was clearly infected shot lying on the floor. When I asked Richie who it was he replied in a cold distant voice “My little sister”. It was a heart breaking moment in less than 24 hours Richie had lost everyone. That was a feeling I knew too well my mom was all I had my dad died when I was really young and all I knew after the Outbreak before I left the safe haven was NARU but that wasn’t the best place to build personal connections just a bunch of science types that destroyed the world. Not exactly the most social lot and the security forces were just a bunch of military types that didn’t like the fact that as a teenager I was doing better than them in every metric except raw physical strength but even in that I was better than a lot of them. It’s almost time for us to get going I should pack up and make sure Richie’s okay.
We decided to stop by the old gun store on our way out of Raleigh. Richie mentioned seeing it when him and his dad went out to scavenge one time. He says it looked all locked up meaning there’s a good chance that there might still be something left to take. When we arrived there Richie was right it was locked tight it looked like there might be a way in from the roof so we decided to climb up when I got up there I was jumped by a freak that was just waiting but this one was different smarter in a way it heard me climbing up but instead of screaming and jumping off to get me it decided to hide and wait. In my years of freak killing I’ve never seen one that waits and ambushes. I hope this isn’t a sign that the infected are getting smarter. Anyway Richie popped it in the head and we got in to the gun store and what a find it was. I managed to get a brand new Glock 9 with a torch attachment and extended mag to replace the pistol I gave Richie. Speaking of Richie he decided on a 12 gauge pump with a tube extension and a AR-15 with a suppressor, extended mag and front grip. We also found enough ammo to keep us stocked even if we have to shoot our way to Charlotte now that we’re locked and loaded its time to leave this shit hole and start walking to the next shit hole at least for once I won’t be alone.
Chapter 4
The Road to Charlotte
We’d been walking for 60 miles before we were jumped by a gang of thugs. I caught a round to the leg before I knew what was happening Richie was more awake than me and managed to put a round through the bastards chest before his friends jumped out from behind two cars in front of us we managed to take cover behind a ruined car and we returned fire. I could see the thugs had no skill they just fired randomly in our direction while we were in cover I waited till they had to reload and tossed a molotov at one of them burning the bastard to a crisp. Richie rushed the other and unloaded some buckshot into his head. My leg hurts like a bitch. Richie bandaged it up for me he’s really starting to get used to life on the road. Looking at our map it looks like there is a gas station about 10 miles away so I guess I’ll limp my way there so we can hunker down while me leg heals. I still can’t believe I let the bastard catch me lacking but it won’t happen again
We made it too the gas station. The place looks almost perfectly preserved except the group of freaks that were shuffling around outside nothing that we couldn’t deal with. There is a lot of food and water here and we should be safe here while my leg heals. I hope we don’t run into any more problems till then. I trust Richie but he’s still learning and I’m not sure he’d be able to deal with any major problem on his own.
Its been 4 weeks since I took that shot to my leg and I’m feeling a lot better. Richie managed to find some painkiller so he was able to get the round out and everything healed nicely. He really is an amazing guy young and naive but he really is a good person. I don’t know how I did it without him for so long. It nice not being alone any more. I think I’m ready to get moving again we have about another 100 miles left to go before we get to Charlotte so we better get moving.
We’re about 20 miles from Charlotte, the roads been peaceful we ran into a group of survivors living on a pretty well fortified farm about 25 miles back. They were having issues with some freaks hanging around their water pumping station so we dealt with them for them in exchange for some antibiotics to help with an infection Richie got in his leg where he cut himself jumping a fence while a freak chased him before I could dome it. Only god knows how I didn’t get an infection in my leg after getting shot but he did from cutting himself on a rusty fence guess I’m just lucky. After helping them back we continued on our way. Nothing else interesting happened and Richie is looking a lot better and his cut is basically healed. We should get to Charlotte within the day but I want to stop on a hill on the Outskirts to set up base and get a look at the situation in the city because the farmers mentioned that a horde had passed through recently and they usually get held up in cities they should have moved on by now but better safe than sorry
Chapter 5
Charlotte
We made it to the hill outside Charlotte and the place is infested millions of freaks. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place and I think I know why. In the middle of the city is an old NARU emergency treatment centre. A place where all of the cities first infected were sent. A good plan till there were to many of them and quarantine was broken then all it was was a collection of infected right in the middle of the city which lead to the whole thing being infected much faster. I’m guessing this caused most of the freaks to pile and the smell was attracting more. Oh I forgot to mention the smell imagine a pile of thousands of rotting corpses that’s the smell I’m talking about. There’s no chance we’ll be able to get through the city but I need to get to that NARU site. There might be some old documents or something about my mom I need to find out what happened to her. I’ve spoken to Richie and we both agree that we should try and divert the horde away so we can have time to get to the NARU centre.
Richie has volunteered to draw the hordes attention away while I get to the NARU building. The plan is he triggers an explosion at an old gas station on the other side of town while I get to the building and look for information about the virus and what happened to my mom. All I know is that my mom created the virus while working for NARU. I need to find out what happened to her. I hate putting Richie at risk but it needs to be done.
I just heard the explosion and it works thousands of freaks started moving like a tidal wave of flesh towards the sound I hope Richie is on his way to the meeting place at the abandoned NARU checkpoint on the south side of town but I don’t have time to think about it now I’m almost at the NARU centre I need to be as fast as possible
I made it to the NARU centre and it’s covered in bodies there’s no way I can get in it looks more like a pile of living human corpses than a building I’m guessing the freaks all turned on and consumed each other till they were all stuck and fused together. I’m making my way to the NARU checkpoint I hope Richie is already there and safe.
I made it to the NARU checkpoint and reunited with Richie. He was covered in blood and gore. He had to kill hundreds of freaks to make it here. He says he was almost bitten a few times. I can’t believe I risked his life for nothing. I’ll never do it again. While exploring the place I found this.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
The final communication between my mom and NARU it turns out she couldn’t live with the guilt and decided to kill herself. I can’t blame her I would probably do the same if I was the reason the world ended and killed billions of people but it still breaks my heart. I am happy to know she’s dead and not infected lumbering around somewhere.
Richie is exhausted and so am I were going to take a brake here and continue on to Atlanta tomorrow.
Everything is packed up and we’re ready to go. Last night was rough I kept watch while Richie slept I hate to admit it but I think I’m falling in love with him. I never really had a first love I live for 13 years at NARU but I was the oldest kid there by far by the time any of the boys were close to my age I was already jaded and thinking about leaving so I didn’t pay any attention to them but Richie is different when I found him he was so helpless and lost now he’s strong, confident and he’s so loyal to me. I don’t want to speak to soon by I think he might feel the same way I guess time will tell we still have a long road to walk together. Speaking of walking Atlanta here we come.
Chapter 6
Road to Atlanta
We ran into a group of survivors hiding in a shed on the outskirts of Charlotte on our way home two parents and a little girl they were all bitten and waiting to turn they begged us to put them down before they turned so I did but I think it took a toll on Richie. He’s been almost silent since it must’ve reminded him of his parents and little sister I hope the day never comes that one of us get bitten and the other one has to decide whether or not to do it but if it does I hope Richie has what it takes to put me down if not I hope I get to do it myself before I turn but I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. Thinking about your own death is a pretty sure-fire way to make it happen.
We ran into a pretty large group of infected must’ve been about 20 of them but all of them behaved the same as the one that jumped me on the roof of the gun store back in Raleigh. I guess that confirms that it wasn’t a once off thing but I still wonder what causes it maybe I’ll find out one day. We took them all down and continued on I hate to admit it but I really enjoy killing freaks call it therapy I guess. Richie is running low on ammo for his 12 gauge. There should be a gun store in about 30 miles so we should be able to restock there. My ammo supplies are also running a bit low only got about a hundred rounds per gun left. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the freaks on the roads it barely enough after Raleigh I had about a 500 per gun. Lets hope we don’t run into any large hordes till we get to the gun store.
We made it to the gun store just to find it controlled by 2 less than friendly guys. They opened fire as soon as they same us. We returned fire and we’re about to enter the store. Richie kicked the door down and I rushed in I let of two shots taking down the one guy the other was a second away from filling me with bullets from his Uzi but luckily Richie put a round through his chest and another through his right eye before he could. Thank god. I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve decided to rest tonight and continue tomorrow morning.
Dixie: “Hey Richie”
Richie: “Hey Dixie”
Dixie: ”How you feeling buddy”
Richie: ”Oh you know always OK”
Dixie: ”That’s good buddy”
Richie: “Hey Dixie thank you for everything you really are the best thing that ever happened to me”
Dixie: ”Don’t mention it buddy I love you”
We’re almost 20 miles away from Atlanta and I’m not hopeful judging by smell. I’m guessing its going to be a lot worse than Charlotte but we’ll have to wait and see.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Atlanta and its as bad as I thought there are hundreds of body piles almost the size of buildings. The living freaks move around the city streets like blood through the veins of the body. Some of them are engaged in massive fights with other groups ripping each other apart.
We’re going in tomorrow but for now Richie’s hunting while I scope out the area. I hope he brings some venison anything but rabbit. I’m sick of rabbit meat. When he comes back I want to try and cuddle up to him and see what happens
Richie and I have eaten and we’re getting ready to sleep. I asked Richie if I could sleep in his sleeping bag with him. He looked at me like I was crazy but once I insisted I was serious I could see the joy on his face so we cuddled up for the night and went to sleep
Wow it felt so amazing sleeping in Richie’s arms and today everything feels different but in a good way everything just feels more intimate we had an amazing conversation about life this morning and it feels like our bond is on a whole new level. Its time to go explore Atlanta there should be an old NARU field hospital on the North-side of town but we’ve got a whole city to get through before that.
Chapter 7
Atlanta
Atlanta is a nightmare right now we’re stuck in a pharmacy bunch of freaks trying to get to us. I’m busy wiring up a pipe bomb while Richie holds the door then when I’m done BOOM
Richie Move....
BOOM....
Well that’s one way to deal with freaks. Always hate being covered in gore though. We’re near the city centre now and its as bad as we thought the place is infested with freaks every building, street and alley we’ve been fighting for every mile we’ve been moving basically carving our way through the city leaving streets flooded in blood but its worth it I can see the NARU hospital and it looks like I might be able to get in this time.
We’re Exploring the NARU hospital and its a goldmine I found a bunch of old documentation on the virus and even some reports of small towns keeping quarantine for years after the Fall. There’s also apparently an old supply and weapons depot nearby so were going there next.
Richie has been opening up a lot his little sister was out playing when a freak got her. Her parents couldn’t put her down so she turned and bit them he hid in the bathroom for 2 days before I got there and put then out of the misery. I wish I could understand how he feels because I never had anyone except my mom and I lost her so young so it never really affected me. I love him so much. This would be so difficult without him.
We made it to the NARU supply depot and it basically empty I mean it make sense Atlanta was one of the first city to fall due to vast number of infected that moved in from the nearby NARU detention camp. That was a bright idea locking up a bunch infected in one place and expecting the place to last. So the city fell to chaos pretty quickly and NARU withdrew most likely taking everything with them that or it was looted after the city fell doesn’t matter now its almost night and we should get some rest we’re going to camp on a nearby rooftop.
Sitting on the roof with Richie and a fire I can’t help but feel like life isn’t that bad yeah its not what it used to be but I mean I have food and freedom and someone I love what more could someone want from life. Looking out at the desolate streets full of freaks well except the streets we pushed through I see the death of the old world and the birth of a new one.
I should get to sleep we got a long road to Birmingham tomorrow. Its so warm and cosy pressed up against Richie.
Chapter 8
The Road To Birmingham
On our way out of Atlanta we ran into a huge freak and I mean a huge motherfucker must’ve been at least 10 feet tall and covered in muscle it looked like it was made of at least 5 other freaks. He tossed Richie against a car and knocked him out I managed to chop one of its arms off before it threw me 10 feat in the air and I crashed down on my back and passed out when I woke up Richie was putting round after round in the things chest and it still wouldn’t go down to I ran jumped on its back and used my machete to chop the freaks head off and burnt the body with a molotov just to be sure the thing was dead
Richie was pretty beat up and I’m not going to lie so was I my back hurts like a bitch but we keep on going no matter what because we still have each other. Still I wonder how those freaks got combined into that thing. Maybe that’s why they pile the way they do so they can combine into something bigger I remember something in one of the NARU document mentioning the virus being able to cause “cellular recombination” so I wonder if that’s not maybe what happened and if it is it means things are about to get a lot worse and a lot more dangerous.
We’re about 50 miles always from Birmingham now. The road has been pretty quite only the occasional group of freaks and the group of raiders we ran into outside a gas station awhile back but this time we got the drop on them and not the other way round gave all three of them a new hole in the head Richie was worried that they might be survivors till we found Sandra tied up in the gas station bathroom turns out the bastards grabbed her from her family farm during the night a few days ago and have been taking turns on her over and over since then. We agreed to take her home its the least we could do after everything that happened to her. When we got her home we found the place burnt down and her family butchered outside. I’m guessing after they grabbed her the bastards came back to finish the job. She’s decided to stick with us she’s a lot older than me and Richie. She used to be a nurse before the Outbreak she dealt with some of the first infected until NARU took over the hospitals. When things really started to go bad she moved back to Alabama to her old family farm to live with her parents they managed to set everything up before the Fall and have been living there since well till recently. She’s pretty shook about the whole situation but she should be okay in a day or two. We’ve all lost something in this new world.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Birmingham and the place is a fortress looks like remnants of the US military and NARU have fortified the place they have watch towers, auto-turrents and armed patrols. Also looks like they have a lot of military hardware. I know better than to approach the main gate NARU has a shoot on site order for all there quarantine zones no reason to assume this place would be any different. Still I have to get a look inside. Tonight while Richie and Sandra set up camp I’m going to look around and see if I can find a way in. I have to know what’s going on here.
I’ve taken a look around and I’ve found a way in through an old sewer pipe running into an old factory from there I should be able to sneak into the city and have a look around maybe they have some new information on the virus or at least I should be able to find some weapons for Sandra
Chapter 9
Birmingham
Richie and Sandra are waiting for me back at camp while I go explore the city. I left most of my kit behind except my Glock and combat knife. I’m not planning on getting into any fights and if I do I want the finished as quickly as possible. I’ve made it to the sewer pipe it should lead me to the sewer grate I saw on the other side of the fence from there I should have free reign over the city as long as I avoid the NARU patrols and don’t draw to much attention to myself.
I’ve made it into the city and it looks like something out of a George Orwell novel. Security cameras on every street, I’ve seen security forces beat a man to death and another group drag a young women kicking and screaming into an abandoned building. I hate to say it but I think life is better outside with the freaks than in here. Can’t say I’m surprised there’s a reason I left the NARU security forces and the safe zone. Lets just say civilian life and happiness has never been on their priority list. I can see a NARU supply depot I should be able to get a uniform and standard load out last I remember NARU doesn’t have a way of removing employees from the database so my security id number should still work.
I was right NARU never changes I just used my id to get a brand new NARU-P-2a NARU's home grown assault rifle basically its everything the AR-15 is but better its literally a gun made for killing freaks and you can feel it. I always wished I stole one when I left but I guess better late than never I also scanned through a few of the latest security reports and it seems like big guys like we fought back in Atlanta are becoming more common as well as a new faster infected with razor sharp claws that hunt and ambush their victims. We haven’t ran into one of those yet and I hope we don’t any time soon. I hope Richie and Sandra are okay, they should be we have no shortage of fire-power but I still worry. I’m going to keep taking a look around and maybe find out how they’ve maintained quarantine for so long
Well I got my answer and its not a good one. The NARU higher ups here basically outlawed being sick. Anyone with any symptoms that might be HRV-1 are immediately executed and burnt without exception I guess that’s one way to maintain quarantine but I can’t help but wonder how many thousands of innocent people have died to maintain it.
I think its about time I get out of here and back to Richie and Sandra.
I made it back to camp. I’m so happy to be back with Richie. He went out hunting and brought back a nice fat wild pig for dinner. Sandra is looking a lot better as well she still has that distant look in her eye but that should go away soon
Next stop Montgomery Alabama.
Chapter 10
The Road to Montgomery
I still can’t get it out of my head. The freaks are changing getting more dangerous, if I understand correctly the longer they are infected the more unstable the virus gets leading to mutations. I hope this doesn’t mean that the longer we survive the harder its going to get but there’s no point in worrying about whether or not the freaks are going to be stronger in the future as long as we make sure we get stronger too it should work out just fine. Richie and I are doing really well our love kinda makes everything a lot easier. Gives us a reason if that makes sense Sandra on the other hand is kinda dead weight if I’m being honest but its not her fault. She’s been through a lot Richie and I do our best to look out for her and take care of her. I just wish she’d start to adjust to life out here she still winches every time we take out a group of freaks or thugs and she’s a bleeding heart. Yesterday as we were going past a little abandoned convenience store we heard a little girl crying when we asked what was wrong she said they were trapped and needed help. It was obviously a trap we could see the store was fortified and the little girl looked too happy for a kid whose parents were stuck and dying but Sandra insisted we go in and help and what do you know the kids parents are perfectly healthy and holding us at gun point luckily I’m pretty quick on the draw and managed to put two rounds through the fathers chest and Richie tackled the mom. I walked up to the big dude and put one through the head to make sure the mom learns her lesson. We agreed to let her and her daughter live as long as the promised to stop robbing travellers. Sandra couldn’t handle the fact that I finished the dad off even though I think that was better than leaving his family to watch him bleed out because there was no way he would have survive I shot him through both of his lungs they would have filled up with blood and he would have chocked to death I did him a favour by putting him down but she didn’t see it that way even threatened to go it on her own until Richie and I told her to go ahead if she really thought it was the best thing for her. She then decided to stick with us
We’re nearly at the outskirts of Montgomery, we just passed the old civil rights monument. The roads been a bit too still I have a bad feeling about what we’re going to find when we get there
submitted by Subject_Media_682 to postapocalyptic [link] [comments]
by Ethan O’Driscoll
A thrilling Post apocalypse story
Intro
HRV-1
22 July 2024
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
This is my latest report on the HRV-1 Virus we were instructed to design by the Russian Government.
The HRV-1 is an incredibly viral and infectious Retrovirus similar to HIV. Changes have been make on a genetic level to provide the request modes of transmission and symptoms.
Those symptoms are:
- Profuse bleeding from the mouth, eyes, lips, gums and pores of the skin
- Confusion
- Coma
- Total organ failure leading to death
- Reanimation after death and post-mortem hypo-aggression
The infection vectors are:
- bodily fluids
- contaminated area
- ANYTHING that has come in contact with infected bodily fluids
- airborne droplets
Chapter 1
The Outbreak
1 January 2025
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
I can’t believe the bastards used it. The first cases came in from Kiev in December from there it spread like a wild fire through Europe the death toll now sits at 65 millions. The hordes rampage through city after city by the millions. There is no way to stop this. What have I done.
NATO forces have established a quarantine of Europe but I can’t help but feel like its too little too late. My estimate is that all infected nations in Europe will be consumed within the next month or two. The Corporation has started the construction of a company safe haven for us higher ups. All we can do is hope the construction is complete before this thing breaks quarantine.
15 February 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
The world is ending. Europe is gone. The quarantine is broken. We’ve got cases in Asia, South America, Here at home in the US, Australia and Africa nowhere is safe. I did this.
Infection number right now:
- Africa 100 Million
- Europe 890 Million
- Asia 250 Million
- North America 250 Thousand
- South America 120 Million
- Australia 24 Million
The safe zone is complete at least we are planning on moving all operations and personal within the week. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. Dixie is my only saving grace and at least she’ll be safe. I pray for the soul of all those my creation has killed.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
Chapter 2
A New World
My name is Dixie Warren. Daughter of Dr Olivia Warren. Not that I’ve seen her in 15 years. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me to get on that NARU helicopter that she’d meet me at the safe zone. Those were the last words she ever said to me. I was 8 when the world ended.
Its been 15 years since the Outbreak. There isn’t really anything left of the old world. NARU still exists and turns out they created the virus and my mom was the head of the department that did it. They sold it to the Russians hoping they wouldn’t use it but they did.
It was specifically designed to spread and destroy as fast as possible and it did. I left the safe zone 2 years ago after I learned this information. Now I just spend my time wandering from town to town. My training on the NARU security team helps. At least I know all the best places to shoot a Freaker. That's what we call the infected and for good reason. Most of the time you’ll find them wondering around in groups of 5 to 10 if the group gets too big they turn on each other and form a pile of bodies devouring each other. They moan and scream to communicate and once they see you they will hunt you till you kill every last on of them or you get far enough away. They can run and are abnormally strong if there bodies aren’t damaged they’re a bitch to kill but I’m pretty good at it.
Right now I’m outside Richmond I’ve been stuck here for a week waiting for a large horde to move through. I’m hoping to hunt some of the stragglers and re-up on some supplies. A big horde like this usually leave a few hundred behind. My new AR has been waiting for some fun, I’ve got a new red dot and laser so I should be able to pop headshot after headshot but for now I should go find something to eat.
I’ve made it to a small department store outside the town. It looks like the horde is almost gone. Tons of freaks roaming around though. I can hear a few in the store. I’m going to try getting in through the back and take them out.
Made it back home and wow that store was a gold mine. I got food, water, bullets and even some whiskey. I’m going to enjoy the night then its time to hunt some stragglers. Then I’m thinking of going further south maybe New Orleans heard there might be a small settlement out there from another traveller, might be able to get another courier job or at least I’ll be able to stock up on supplies properly after all these years there isn’t much left in the cities to scavenge.
I better get some rest got a long day of freak killing and walking tomorrow.
Chapter 3
The Road to Home
I left Richmond yesterday. It’s a long road to New Orleans I wished I lived in the days when cars worked. NARU are the only people with working vehicles left and they aren’t exactly the sharing type. Its so lonely out here its been weeks since I last saw another living person the only things you see out here in the ruins are freaks by the hundreds. Its hard to believe the whole world was reduced to nothing by something my mom created. I remember her being the kindest most caring person in the world to think that she could create something so destructive is unbelievable. I’ve still got a long way to go the first city I should have to go through is Raleigh.
I’ve been walking for about a day and I can see the ruins from here. Its always so surreal to see the cities now, so desolate so empty. I remember growing up in Seattle, the city lights, the noise it was always so alive and busy. Now they’re all empty husks or mostly empty at least can’t forget about the freaks. Must’ve killed a thousand of them on my way here almost got bitten when one jumped me under an overpass about 10 miles back. Luckily my machete seems to be as good as ever at cutting up freaks. I should make it to Raleigh within the day.
Made it to Raleigh and its a mess, thousands of freaks I could hear the moaning and screaming from a mile away. I’m going to try finding my way around the city no point in trying to fight my way through a wall of freaks.
Heard crying coming from a house I walked past I decided to check it out and I found a young boy name Richie hiding in a bathroom with what looked like his infected parents trying to break the door down. I took both of them down with a clean headshot. The look on his face when he saw them dead breaks my heart. He says they’ve been hiding out in this house for a month or two after there homestead was overrun by freaks. Its a sad story but it gives me hope that people are at least trying to survive and rebuilt. He’s only 16 yet he’s seen so much and has nowhere else to go so I asked him if he wanted to stick with me and he was elated so I guess I’ve got a sidekick now. I’m not complaining should make the long lonely road more interesting. He’s got no combat experience but he can shoot a pistol so I gave him one of my backups at least I always carry extra. We’ve decided to hunker down for the night and do some scavenging before we leave for Charlotte tomorrow. I’ll be nice to have company for once I’ve been alone for so long.
I woke up to a gunshot and Richie screaming in the other room. When I got there I found Richie pale as snow and a little girl that was clearly infected shot lying on the floor. When I asked Richie who it was he replied in a cold distant voice “My little sister”. It was a heart breaking moment in less than 24 hours Richie had lost everyone. That was a feeling I knew too well my mom was all I had my dad died when I was really young and all I knew after the Outbreak before I left the safe haven was NARU but that wasn’t the best place to build personal connections just a bunch of science types that destroyed the world. Not exactly the most social lot and the security forces were just a bunch of military types that didn’t like the fact that as a teenager I was doing better than them in every metric except raw physical strength but even in that I was better than a lot of them. It’s almost time for us to get going I should pack up and make sure Richie’s okay.
We decided to stop by the old gun store on our way out of Raleigh. Richie mentioned seeing it when him and his dad went out to scavenge one time. He says it looked all locked up meaning there’s a good chance that there might still be something left to take. When we arrived there Richie was right it was locked tight it looked like there might be a way in from the roof so we decided to climb up when I got up there I was jumped by a freak that was just waiting but this one was different smarter in a way it heard me climbing up but instead of screaming and jumping off to get me it decided to hide and wait. In my years of freak killing I’ve never seen one that waits and ambushes. I hope this isn’t a sign that the infected are getting smarter. Anyway Richie popped it in the head and we got in to the gun store and what a find it was. I managed to get a brand new Glock 9 with a torch attachment and extended mag to replace the pistol I gave Richie. Speaking of Richie he decided on a 12 gauge pump with a tube extension and a AR-15 with a suppressor, extended mag and front grip. We also found enough ammo to keep us stocked even if we have to shoot our way to Charlotte now that we’re locked and loaded its time to leave this shit hole and start walking to the next shit hole at least for once I won’t be alone.
Chapter 4
The Road to Charlotte
We’d been walking for 60 miles before we were jumped by a gang of thugs. I caught a round to the leg before I knew what was happening Richie was more awake than me and managed to put a round through the bastards chest before his friends jumped out from behind two cars in front of us we managed to take cover behind a ruined car and we returned fire. I could see the thugs had no skill they just fired randomly in our direction while we were in cover I waited till they had to reload and tossed a molotov at one of them burning the bastard to a crisp. Richie rushed the other and unloaded some buckshot into his head. My leg hurts like a bitch. Richie bandaged it up for me he’s really starting to get used to life on the road. Looking at our map it looks like there is a gas station about 10 miles away so I guess I’ll limp my way there so we can hunker down while me leg heals. I still can’t believe I let the bastard catch me lacking but it won’t happen again
We made it too the gas station. The place looks almost perfectly preserved except the group of freaks that were shuffling around outside nothing that we couldn’t deal with. There is a lot of food and water here and we should be safe here while my leg heals. I hope we don’t run into any more problems till then. I trust Richie but he’s still learning and I’m not sure he’d be able to deal with any major problem on his own.
Its been 4 weeks since I took that shot to my leg and I’m feeling a lot better. Richie managed to find some painkiller so he was able to get the round out and everything healed nicely. He really is an amazing guy young and naive but he really is a good person. I don’t know how I did it without him for so long. It nice not being alone any more. I think I’m ready to get moving again we have about another 100 miles left to go before we get to Charlotte so we better get moving.
We’re about 20 miles from Charlotte, the roads been peaceful we ran into a group of survivors living on a pretty well fortified farm about 25 miles back. They were having issues with some freaks hanging around their water pumping station so we dealt with them for them in exchange for some antibiotics to help with an infection Richie got in his leg where he cut himself jumping a fence while a freak chased him before I could dome it. Only god knows how I didn’t get an infection in my leg after getting shot but he did from cutting himself on a rusty fence guess I’m just lucky. After helping them back we continued on our way. Nothing else interesting happened and Richie is looking a lot better and his cut is basically healed. We should get to Charlotte within the day but I want to stop on a hill on the Outskirts to set up base and get a look at the situation in the city because the farmers mentioned that a horde had passed through recently and they usually get held up in cities they should have moved on by now but better safe than sorry
Chapter 5
Charlotte
We made it to the hill outside Charlotte and the place is infested millions of freaks. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place and I think I know why. In the middle of the city is an old NARU emergency treatment centre. A place where all of the cities first infected were sent. A good plan till there were to many of them and quarantine was broken then all it was was a collection of infected right in the middle of the city which lead to the whole thing being infected much faster. I’m guessing this caused most of the freaks to pile and the smell was attracting more. Oh I forgot to mention the smell imagine a pile of thousands of rotting corpses that’s the smell I’m talking about. There’s no chance we’ll be able to get through the city but I need to get to that NARU site. There might be some old documents or something about my mom I need to find out what happened to her. I’ve spoken to Richie and we both agree that we should try and divert the horde away so we can have time to get to the NARU centre.
Richie has volunteered to draw the hordes attention away while I get to the NARU building. The plan is he triggers an explosion at an old gas station on the other side of town while I get to the building and look for information about the virus and what happened to my mom. All I know is that my mom created the virus while working for NARU. I need to find out what happened to her. I hate putting Richie at risk but it needs to be done.
I just heard the explosion and it works thousands of freaks started moving like a tidal wave of flesh towards the sound I hope Richie is on his way to the meeting place at the abandoned NARU checkpoint on the south side of town but I don’t have time to think about it now I’m almost at the NARU centre I need to be as fast as possible
I made it to the NARU centre and it’s covered in bodies there’s no way I can get in it looks more like a pile of living human corpses than a building I’m guessing the freaks all turned on and consumed each other till they were all stuck and fused together. I’m making my way to the NARU checkpoint I hope Richie is already there and safe.
I made it to the NARU checkpoint and reunited with Richie. He was covered in blood and gore. He had to kill hundreds of freaks to make it here. He says he was almost bitten a few times. I can’t believe I risked his life for nothing. I’ll never do it again. While exploring the place I found this.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
The final communication between my mom and NARU it turns out she couldn’t live with the guilt and decided to kill herself. I can’t blame her I would probably do the same if I was the reason the world ended and killed billions of people but it still breaks my heart. I am happy to know she’s dead and not infected lumbering around somewhere.
Richie is exhausted and so am I were going to take a brake here and continue on to Atlanta tomorrow.
Everything is packed up and we’re ready to go. Last night was rough I kept watch while Richie slept I hate to admit it but I think I’m falling in love with him. I never really had a first love I live for 13 years at NARU but I was the oldest kid there by far by the time any of the boys were close to my age I was already jaded and thinking about leaving so I didn’t pay any attention to them but Richie is different when I found him he was so helpless and lost now he’s strong, confident and he’s so loyal to me. I don’t want to speak to soon by I think he might feel the same way I guess time will tell we still have a long road to walk together. Speaking of walking Atlanta here we come.
Chapter 6
Road to Atlanta
We ran into a group of survivors hiding in a shed on the outskirts of Charlotte on our way home two parents and a little girl they were all bitten and waiting to turn they begged us to put them down before they turned so I did but I think it took a toll on Richie. He’s been almost silent since it must’ve reminded him of his parents and little sister I hope the day never comes that one of us get bitten and the other one has to decide whether or not to do it but if it does I hope Richie has what it takes to put me down if not I hope I get to do it myself before I turn but I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. Thinking about your own death is a pretty sure-fire way to make it happen.
We ran into a pretty large group of infected must’ve been about 20 of them but all of them behaved the same as the one that jumped me on the roof of the gun store back in Raleigh. I guess that confirms that it wasn’t a once off thing but I still wonder what causes it maybe I’ll find out one day. We took them all down and continued on I hate to admit it but I really enjoy killing freaks call it therapy I guess. Richie is running low on ammo for his 12 gauge. There should be a gun store in about 30 miles so we should be able to restock there. My ammo supplies are also running a bit low only got about a hundred rounds per gun left. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the freaks on the roads it barely enough after Raleigh I had about a 500 per gun. Lets hope we don’t run into any large hordes till we get to the gun store.
We made it to the gun store just to find it controlled by 2 less than friendly guys. They opened fire as soon as they same us. We returned fire and we’re about to enter the store. Richie kicked the door down and I rushed in I let of two shots taking down the one guy the other was a second away from filling me with bullets from his Uzi but luckily Richie put a round through his chest and another through his right eye before he could. Thank god. I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve decided to rest tonight and continue tomorrow morning.
Dixie: “Hey Richie”
Richie: “Hey Dixie”
Dixie: ”How you feeling buddy”
Richie: ”Oh you know always OK”
Dixie: ”That’s good buddy”
Richie: “Hey Dixie thank you for everything you really are the best thing that ever happened to me”
Dixie: ”Don’t mention it buddy I love you”
We’re almost 20 miles away from Atlanta and I’m not hopeful judging by smell. I’m guessing its going to be a lot worse than Charlotte but we’ll have to wait and see.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Atlanta and its as bad as I thought there are hundreds of body piles almost the size of buildings. The living freaks move around the city streets like blood through the veins of the body. Some of them are engaged in massive fights with other groups ripping each other apart.
We’re going in tomorrow but for now Richie’s hunting while I scope out the area. I hope he brings some venison anything but rabbit. I’m sick of rabbit meat. When he comes back I want to try and cuddle up to him and see what happens
Richie and I have eaten and we’re getting ready to sleep. I asked Richie if I could sleep in his sleeping bag with him. He looked at me like I was crazy but once I insisted I was serious I could see the joy on his face so we cuddled up for the night and went to sleep
Wow it felt so amazing sleeping in Richie’s arms and today everything feels different but in a good way everything just feels more intimate we had an amazing conversation about life this morning and it feels like our bond is on a whole new level. Its time to go explore Atlanta there should be an old NARU field hospital on the North-side of town but we’ve got a whole city to get through before that.
Chapter 7
Atlanta
Atlanta is a nightmare right now we’re stuck in a pharmacy bunch of freaks trying to get to us. I’m busy wiring up a pipe bomb while Richie holds the door then when I’m done BOOM
Richie Move....
BOOM....
Well that’s one way to deal with freaks. Always hate being covered in gore though. We’re near the city centre now and its as bad as we thought the place is infested with freaks every building, street and alley we’ve been fighting for every mile we’ve been moving basically carving our way through the city leaving streets flooded in blood but its worth it I can see the NARU hospital and it looks like I might be able to get in this time.
We’re Exploring the NARU hospital and its a goldmine I found a bunch of old documentation on the virus and even some reports of small towns keeping quarantine for years after the Fall. There’s also apparently an old supply and weapons depot nearby so were going there next.
Richie has been opening up a lot his little sister was out playing when a freak got her. Her parents couldn’t put her down so she turned and bit them he hid in the bathroom for 2 days before I got there and put then out of the misery. I wish I could understand how he feels because I never had anyone except my mom and I lost her so young so it never really affected me. I love him so much. This would be so difficult without him.
We made it to the NARU supply depot and it basically empty I mean it make sense Atlanta was one of the first city to fall due to vast number of infected that moved in from the nearby NARU detention camp. That was a bright idea locking up a bunch infected in one place and expecting the place to last. So the city fell to chaos pretty quickly and NARU withdrew most likely taking everything with them that or it was looted after the city fell doesn’t matter now its almost night and we should get some rest we’re going to camp on a nearby rooftop.
Sitting on the roof with Richie and a fire I can’t help but feel like life isn’t that bad yeah its not what it used to be but I mean I have food and freedom and someone I love what more could someone want from life. Looking out at the desolate streets full of freaks well except the streets we pushed through I see the death of the old world and the birth of a new one.
I should get to sleep we got a long road to Birmingham tomorrow. Its so warm and cosy pressed up against Richie.
Chapter 8
The Road To Birmingham
On our way out of Atlanta we ran into a huge freak and I mean a huge motherfucker must’ve been at least 10 feet tall and covered in muscle it looked like it was made of at least 5 other freaks. He tossed Richie against a car and knocked him out I managed to chop one of its arms off before it threw me 10 feat in the air and I crashed down on my back and passed out when I woke up Richie was putting round after round in the things chest and it still wouldn’t go down to I ran jumped on its back and used my machete to chop the freaks head off and burnt the body with a molotov just to be sure the thing was dead
Richie was pretty beat up and I’m not going to lie so was I my back hurts like a bitch but we keep on going no matter what because we still have each other. Still I wonder how those freaks got combined into that thing. Maybe that’s why they pile the way they do so they can combine into something bigger I remember something in one of the NARU document mentioning the virus being able to cause “cellular recombination” so I wonder if that’s not maybe what happened and if it is it means things are about to get a lot worse and a lot more dangerous.
We’re about 50 miles always from Birmingham now. The road has been pretty quite only the occasional group of freaks and the group of raiders we ran into outside a gas station awhile back but this time we got the drop on them and not the other way round gave all three of them a new hole in the head Richie was worried that they might be survivors till we found Sandra tied up in the gas station bathroom turns out the bastards grabbed her from her family farm during the night a few days ago and have been taking turns on her over and over since then. We agreed to take her home its the least we could do after everything that happened to her. When we got her home we found the place burnt down and her family butchered outside. I’m guessing after they grabbed her the bastards came back to finish the job. She’s decided to stick with us she’s a lot older than me and Richie. She used to be a nurse before the Outbreak she dealt with some of the first infected until NARU took over the hospitals. When things really started to go bad she moved back to Alabama to her old family farm to live with her parents they managed to set everything up before the Fall and have been living there since well till recently. She’s pretty shook about the whole situation but she should be okay in a day or two. We’ve all lost something in this new world.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Birmingham and the place is a fortress looks like remnants of the US military and NARU have fortified the place they have watch towers, auto-turrents and armed patrols. Also looks like they have a lot of military hardware. I know better than to approach the main gate NARU has a shoot on site order for all there quarantine zones no reason to assume this place would be any different. Still I have to get a look inside. Tonight while Richie and Sandra set up camp I’m going to look around and see if I can find a way in. I have to know what’s going on here.
I’ve taken a look around and I’ve found a way in through an old sewer pipe running into an old factory from there I should be able to sneak into the city and have a look around maybe they have some new information on the virus or at least I should be able to find some weapons for Sandra
Chapter 9
Birmingham
Richie and Sandra are waiting for me back at camp while I go explore the city. I left most of my kit behind except my Glock and combat knife. I’m not planning on getting into any fights and if I do I want the finished as quickly as possible. I’ve made it to the sewer pipe it should lead me to the sewer grate I saw on the other side of the fence from there I should have free reign over the city as long as I avoid the NARU patrols and don’t draw to much attention to myself.
I’ve made it into the city and it looks like something out of a George Orwell novel. Security cameras on every street, I’ve seen security forces beat a man to death and another group drag a young women kicking and screaming into an abandoned building. I hate to say it but I think life is better outside with the freaks than in here. Can’t say I’m surprised there’s a reason I left the NARU security forces and the safe zone. Lets just say civilian life and happiness has never been on their priority list. I can see a NARU supply depot I should be able to get a uniform and standard load out last I remember NARU doesn’t have a way of removing employees from the database so my security id number should still work.
I was right NARU never changes I just used my id to get a brand new NARU-P-2a NARU's home grown assault rifle basically its everything the AR-15 is but better its literally a gun made for killing freaks and you can feel it. I always wished I stole one when I left but I guess better late than never I also scanned through a few of the latest security reports and it seems like big guys like we fought back in Atlanta are becoming more common as well as a new faster infected with razor sharp claws that hunt and ambush their victims. We haven’t ran into one of those yet and I hope we don’t any time soon. I hope Richie and Sandra are okay, they should be we have no shortage of fire-power but I still worry. I’m going to keep taking a look around and maybe find out how they’ve maintained quarantine for so long
Well I got my answer and its not a good one. The NARU higher ups here basically outlawed being sick. Anyone with any symptoms that might be HRV-1 are immediately executed and burnt without exception I guess that’s one way to maintain quarantine but I can’t help but wonder how many thousands of innocent people have died to maintain it.
I think its about time I get out of here and back to Richie and Sandra.
I made it back to camp. I’m so happy to be back with Richie. He went out hunting and brought back a nice fat wild pig for dinner. Sandra is looking a lot better as well she still has that distant look in her eye but that should go away soon
Next stop Montgomery Alabama.
Chapter 10
The Road to Montgomery
I still can’t get it out of my head. The freaks are changing getting more dangerous, if I understand correctly the longer they are infected the more unstable the virus gets leading to mutations. I hope this doesn’t mean that the longer we survive the harder its going to get but there’s no point in worrying about whether or not the freaks are going to be stronger in the future as long as we make sure we get stronger too it should work out just fine. Richie and I are doing really well our love kinda makes everything a lot easier. Gives us a reason if that makes sense Sandra on the other hand is kinda dead weight if I’m being honest but its not her fault. She’s been through a lot Richie and I do our best to look out for her and take care of her. I just wish she’d start to adjust to life out here she still winches every time we take out a group of freaks or thugs and she’s a bleeding heart. Yesterday as we were going past a little abandoned convenience store we heard a little girl crying when we asked what was wrong she said they were trapped and needed help. It was obviously a trap we could see the store was fortified and the little girl looked too happy for a kid whose parents were stuck and dying but Sandra insisted we go in and help and what do you know the kids parents are perfectly healthy and holding us at gun point luckily I’m pretty quick on the draw and managed to put two rounds through the fathers chest and Richie tackled the mom. I walked up to the big dude and put one through the head to make sure the mom learns her lesson. We agreed to let her and her daughter live as long as the promised to stop robbing travellers. Sandra couldn’t handle the fact that I finished the dad off even though I think that was better than leaving his family to watch him bleed out because there was no way he would have survive I shot him through both of his lungs they would have filled up with blood and he would have chocked to death I did him a favour by putting him down but she didn’t see it that way even threatened to go it on her own until Richie and I told her to go ahead if she really thought it was the best thing for her. She then decided to stick with us
We’re nearly at the outskirts of Montgomery, we just passed the old civil rights monument. The roads been a bit too still I have a bad feeling about what we’re going to find when we get there
2024.05.15 02:00 laurazabs I need a safe space to vent
I didn't expect this to be so long, but I got stoned and needed to rant. Thank you all for reading!
I was raised not to talk about politics. My parents told me that constantly growing up. They are immigrants from the USSR and patriots, but they taught me that your politics are private. Then 2016 happened.
The point is, I hate talking about the conflict so much, but I NEED to and I don't have anyone to turn to. I used to have so many Jewish friends - I was in JSU and an orthodox Jewish youth group in high school, despite being basically a Chanukah/PassoveRosh Hashanah Jew. Then somewhere in my 20's, the people I hung out with changed and it's 2024 and I have one close Jewish friend. I can't talk to my parents about it because I have learned from experience that speaking about politics with my folks in any form is a bad idea. Especially if we disagree.
I need to talk about it though, so I thank you all for giving me a safe space to do so.
One of my favorite artists posted a video on her socials calling the war a genocide and I'm just done. I got into a reddit comment debate over this, something I swore I'd never do because it's just yelling into the void. I went and read the Hamas charter because I wanted a first hand account of the language used, not just what I'm told on Reddit. I don't understand how anyone can read their charters - both the 1988 and 2017 version - and not see it for what it is. It is calling to kill all of us. Convert or be killed. In their ideal world, Hamas would basically be running the modern Inquisition.
I also do not agree with how Netanyahu is handling this AT ALL. I hate it so much, I feel for the innocent Palestinians. I know some people think that all Palestinians are Hamas because of the voting, but how fair do you think their elections are? Do you really think they are not being threatened to vote for Hamas?
The one thing that keeps coming back to my mind is the idea that Hamas knew this would play out this way. There's no way they went into 10/7 thinking they would win whatever game they were playing. They knew that if they attacked, Bibi would turn around and use all the weapons in his arsenal on them and they would in turn look like David v. Goliath. This goes straight along with the revision of the 2017 charter, where they changed the language of jihad against Jews explicitly to "the Jewish problem" and the Zionists must be destroyed. Look how tolerant they are. They don't want to kill us you guys, they just want to kill Zionists. Oh, they don't really care about the difference between the two. You think Hamas is going to ask you if you're a Zionist before they shoot you?
They knew this was going to happen; they are playing the long game and it's working.
submitted by laurazabs to Jewish [link] [comments]
I was raised not to talk about politics. My parents told me that constantly growing up. They are immigrants from the USSR and patriots, but they taught me that your politics are private. Then 2016 happened.
The point is, I hate talking about the conflict so much, but I NEED to and I don't have anyone to turn to. I used to have so many Jewish friends - I was in JSU and an orthodox Jewish youth group in high school, despite being basically a Chanukah/PassoveRosh Hashanah Jew. Then somewhere in my 20's, the people I hung out with changed and it's 2024 and I have one close Jewish friend. I can't talk to my parents about it because I have learned from experience that speaking about politics with my folks in any form is a bad idea. Especially if we disagree.
I need to talk about it though, so I thank you all for giving me a safe space to do so.
One of my favorite artists posted a video on her socials calling the war a genocide and I'm just done. I got into a reddit comment debate over this, something I swore I'd never do because it's just yelling into the void. I went and read the Hamas charter because I wanted a first hand account of the language used, not just what I'm told on Reddit. I don't understand how anyone can read their charters - both the 1988 and 2017 version - and not see it for what it is. It is calling to kill all of us. Convert or be killed. In their ideal world, Hamas would basically be running the modern Inquisition.
I also do not agree with how Netanyahu is handling this AT ALL. I hate it so much, I feel for the innocent Palestinians. I know some people think that all Palestinians are Hamas because of the voting, but how fair do you think their elections are? Do you really think they are not being threatened to vote for Hamas?
The one thing that keeps coming back to my mind is the idea that Hamas knew this would play out this way. There's no way they went into 10/7 thinking they would win whatever game they were playing. They knew that if they attacked, Bibi would turn around and use all the weapons in his arsenal on them and they would in turn look like David v. Goliath. This goes straight along with the revision of the 2017 charter, where they changed the language of jihad against Jews explicitly to "the Jewish problem" and the Zionists must be destroyed. Look how tolerant they are. They don't want to kill us you guys, they just want to kill Zionists. Oh, they don't really care about the difference between the two. You think Hamas is going to ask you if you're a Zionist before they shoot you?
They knew this was going to happen; they are playing the long game and it's working.
2024.05.15 02:00 blissbish breakups/ choosing yourself
idk if this is the right subreddit but i feel comfortable sharing on here…
my bf (now ex) cheated on me during our relationship (had sex w a girl and messaging other girls) when i caught him and i decided in that moment it was the end but for a whole month he’s been trying non-stop to win me back.
he sent a video to the girls saying he doesn’t want them and apologised to me. he cut them all off. he’s cut off his negative friendships, he’s approached situations and reacted in a more healed manner. so much other stuff happened but i won’t go into detail.—he sacrificed a lot during this time
i can tell he loves me sooo much and i love him too but now i have to choose myself. staying with him would mean i would be living in survival as i no longer feel safe + he’s not fully healed. ive lost myself in the relationship and now i miss how i used to be, full of love for life. only i can get myself back to where i was.
i need to let him go to heal and for him to heal. if he still has the benefit of the relationship there is no incentive to do the inner work + i no longer accept this version of him. i’ve been the catalyst to his spiritual journey and a lot of his healing, but he has much work to do. i can’t be his therapist, his life-coach at the cost of myself.
i feel bad in a way that im giving up on him but i feel this is the right choice. he also is at the lowest point, bad mental health, no friends, family unsupportive and i was the only person he trusted in his life so its hard to leave him like this.
(he’s been through a lot of trauma in his life so have i but i’ve done inner work and he hadn’t faced any of it until he met me. he cheated out of his own feelings of not deserving me and self sabotage and is deeply remorseful. he was never exposed to real love before but he has shown high self awareness and efforts during this stage )
ive put my foot down many times and told him its over but his pursuits keep making it difficult bc deep down i have a soft spot for him.
anyway, after a month of back and forth and multiple breakup attempts, i feel this is the final one where he is going to stop trying and give me my space.
how does one navigate a situation like this? can anyone offer advice?
TLDR: bf cheated, tried over a month to win me back and prove his love for me. - shown some growth but still deeply wounded and unhealed. i believe he does truly love me but doesn’t know how to love me right. now i need to let him go so i can heal and so can he.
submitted by blissbish to spirituality [link] [comments]
my bf (now ex) cheated on me during our relationship (had sex w a girl and messaging other girls) when i caught him and i decided in that moment it was the end but for a whole month he’s been trying non-stop to win me back.
he sent a video to the girls saying he doesn’t want them and apologised to me. he cut them all off. he’s cut off his negative friendships, he’s approached situations and reacted in a more healed manner. so much other stuff happened but i won’t go into detail.—he sacrificed a lot during this time
i can tell he loves me sooo much and i love him too but now i have to choose myself. staying with him would mean i would be living in survival as i no longer feel safe + he’s not fully healed. ive lost myself in the relationship and now i miss how i used to be, full of love for life. only i can get myself back to where i was.
i need to let him go to heal and for him to heal. if he still has the benefit of the relationship there is no incentive to do the inner work + i no longer accept this version of him. i’ve been the catalyst to his spiritual journey and a lot of his healing, but he has much work to do. i can’t be his therapist, his life-coach at the cost of myself.
i feel bad in a way that im giving up on him but i feel this is the right choice. he also is at the lowest point, bad mental health, no friends, family unsupportive and i was the only person he trusted in his life so its hard to leave him like this.
(he’s been through a lot of trauma in his life so have i but i’ve done inner work and he hadn’t faced any of it until he met me. he cheated out of his own feelings of not deserving me and self sabotage and is deeply remorseful. he was never exposed to real love before but he has shown high self awareness and efforts during this stage )
ive put my foot down many times and told him its over but his pursuits keep making it difficult bc deep down i have a soft spot for him.
anyway, after a month of back and forth and multiple breakup attempts, i feel this is the final one where he is going to stop trying and give me my space.
how does one navigate a situation like this? can anyone offer advice?
TLDR: bf cheated, tried over a month to win me back and prove his love for me. - shown some growth but still deeply wounded and unhealed. i believe he does truly love me but doesn’t know how to love me right. now i need to let him go so i can heal and so can he.
2024.05.15 01:58 a_gata_m How can I overcome my hatred for commercial music so I can make money?
Yeah, crazy title but hear me out.
TLDR; How can I overcome my hatred for commercial music so I can make money?
I'm financially in a bad situation. My main skill is music production. I've been doing this for a decade and I did try ghost-producing and it kinda worked out for a moment. The premise here is that I want to make commercially successive productions in order to sell its rights for artists/labels/DJs.
For the past two years or so, I fell into a deep identity crisis in my music. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or who I was at all. I struggle to find my own sound and why I preferred this sound. Looking back perhaps this is not a special thing, it appears to happen to every musician at some degree.
I've come to appreciate the artistic side and creativity behind a production, specially unique/experimental ones. I love asking questions like "how this came to be" or "how this relates to the creator" because some of those can be so unique and flavorful for me. It enlightens me to learn what's behind other people's art.
Once I knew what I enjoyed, naturally, translated to me understanding better my taste - and eventually - my own sound. This can be a post on it's own, but I digress.
Now I kinda have a "suffering from success" situation, where I do have a very clear picture in my head of what I value, and does not include commercial music at all. I feels like I'm naturally drawn to experiment and once I actually start to have fun, is exactly the point where it feels like it's too much for commercial.
I believe the core problem is that I don't like commercial music because of its inoffensiveness and tastelessness. It plays too safe and it's made to not hated nor liked by anyone.
My sibling which also does music told me a hundred times that I know how to do stuff but if I wanna make money with it, I need to give what people want. I hate that this is true.
A temporary solution I found for this is to try to copy artists directly, I'm talking structure-wise, using a lot of presets even though I have considerable experience with sound design. Just take every opportunity to half-ass a song, so I can appeal more to DJs.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Maybe I should try another way or perhaps I'm underestimating the category? I'd love to hear any thoughts.
submitted by a_gata_m to musicproduction [link] [comments]
TLDR; How can I overcome my hatred for commercial music so I can make money?
I'm financially in a bad situation. My main skill is music production. I've been doing this for a decade and I did try ghost-producing and it kinda worked out for a moment. The premise here is that I want to make commercially successive productions in order to sell its rights for artists/labels/DJs.
For the past two years or so, I fell into a deep identity crisis in my music. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or who I was at all. I struggle to find my own sound and why I preferred this sound. Looking back perhaps this is not a special thing, it appears to happen to every musician at some degree.
I've come to appreciate the artistic side and creativity behind a production, specially unique/experimental ones. I love asking questions like "how this came to be" or "how this relates to the creator" because some of those can be so unique and flavorful for me. It enlightens me to learn what's behind other people's art.
Once I knew what I enjoyed, naturally, translated to me understanding better my taste - and eventually - my own sound. This can be a post on it's own, but I digress.
Now I kinda have a "suffering from success" situation, where I do have a very clear picture in my head of what I value, and does not include commercial music at all. I feels like I'm naturally drawn to experiment and once I actually start to have fun, is exactly the point where it feels like it's too much for commercial.
I believe the core problem is that I don't like commercial music because of its inoffensiveness and tastelessness. It plays too safe and it's made to not hated nor liked by anyone.
My sibling which also does music told me a hundred times that I know how to do stuff but if I wanna make money with it, I need to give what people want. I hate that this is true.
A temporary solution I found for this is to try to copy artists directly, I'm talking structure-wise, using a lot of presets even though I have considerable experience with sound design. Just take every opportunity to half-ass a song, so I can appeal more to DJs.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Maybe I should try another way or perhaps I'm underestimating the category? I'd love to hear any thoughts.
2024.05.15 01:57 deepdown0281 I hate what you became to me
But that Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.
I miss you every day. In ways that I still have to let go of.
The random texts throughout the day when we still used to do that. The waiting for you to come home to give you a hug, one that you never seemed happy to receive in retrospect. The way you would eventually give in to my requests to cuddle or watch something when you had finished up your daily routine or exhausted yourself enough to need a break. The way your lips would pucker out as you exhaled after taking deeps breaths while you were starting to fall asleep. The way your hair smelt, the way the house smelt.
I miss Dex oh so much. I cry everyday over my lil fur baby boy. I know John gave him to you and he’s technically your cat but I raised that little bugger. when you were going back to the office and I was home alone writing my mixtape and doing breath work. He supported me and would lay next to me as I worked on rhymes and learned to calm my trigeminal. He would watch me spin in my ‘tism circles as I listened to the beat and came up with the words. I guess I just miss him extra now that I’m writing again. He’s not here to give me emotional support and I’m not there for you to come home to even if you did ignore me most of the time.
I would have given you all of my money if you had just paid more attention to me. Let’s be honest you don’t need my money never did but I don’t mind paying my fair share for things. I just couldn’t keep shelling out my hard earned money for an empty home. You were never there even when you were. Never present with me; always planning always going always saying how if I wasn’t broke I could do things with you. The truth is Lon, Eventually I just kept telling you I was broke because I was saving to leave. My needs, my wants, my concerns, my love languages were never important to you. Lord knows I tried to voice it, tried to make you see that emotionally connecting would only deepen and strengthen our relationship. But you can only meet me as far as you’ve met yourself.
Somewhere in between you invalidating my childhood trauma by telling me “you need to just go get help” and you cheating on me with the exact two people I asked you not to cheat on me with (since you decided my asking for a closure to our open relationship wasn’t really a valid request, even though I gave you years to explore) I had come to realize I had no value to you. Not at all. The only thing I was to you was a supplemental income, even if a tiny one. But if you couldn’t get that from me I wasn’t worth anything to you at all.
So in the end you made your decision for yourself. You are the reason I stopped paying for things, I stopped hanging out with you, your friends, and mine outside of the house (since you turned them all against me anyway with your painted pictures of “using you” and my “emotional instability”). News flash; true abuse and extortion can only come from a place of power downward. Did I say things that hurt your ego and brought to attention your emotional unavailability, yes, but that’s not abuse. How you made over 100,000 a year and still required my money when I was making less than 15,000 freelancing at the time is not only abuse but beyond me in conscious. Add on top of that you making fun of my dreams and telling me I’ll “never be a writer” or a lyricist and how “stupid” I am. If you really wanted me gone I wish you had just said so instead of playing mind games until I felt more and more unwelcome.
You want to look at me and say I am to blame and that we just grew apart. No Lon you tore us apart and now I have to stay away. When you chose to tear us apart you ripped certain seems in my core, in my character, in my being. Threads I had woven and sewn from our connection. I once thought I was safe with you, that I was uplifted by you, but as I tried to step into a more unmasked version of myself it became more and more of a hostile avoidant environment. It’s taken me almost three months of constant therapy to bring me back to who I am as a person and away from that scared subservient little boy you created to serve you.
It’s okay though it’s all you were demonstrated from your parents; just as all I was demonstrated was how to give all of yourself for someone who sees you as less. Therapy has opened my eyes to so much I know you know that as I tried my hardest to heal our connection. I hope as you continue therapy, if you’re even still going, that you start to do the real work of looking at yourself instead of just using our differences to justify our demise as a couple and team.
It hurts so much to write this and to know that even if I did send it to you I wouldn’t get a response beyond your defense mechanisms. In the end you’re just like my “best friend” of 16 years; if it ain’t your way you kick em off on the highway at full speed.
All in all I hate what you became to me, what you are to those who can’t benefit you in some way, but for some reason I still love you and I’ll always miss you. Not as much as Dexy boy :p But I’ll always love you enough to hope that you start to look in the mirror. And that when you do it’s long enough for you to actually see yourself and in turn that you might truly see the people around you and why they are really there.
With the last of my love, Z
submitted by deepdown0281 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
I miss you every day. In ways that I still have to let go of.
The random texts throughout the day when we still used to do that. The waiting for you to come home to give you a hug, one that you never seemed happy to receive in retrospect. The way you would eventually give in to my requests to cuddle or watch something when you had finished up your daily routine or exhausted yourself enough to need a break. The way your lips would pucker out as you exhaled after taking deeps breaths while you were starting to fall asleep. The way your hair smelt, the way the house smelt.
I miss Dex oh so much. I cry everyday over my lil fur baby boy. I know John gave him to you and he’s technically your cat but I raised that little bugger. when you were going back to the office and I was home alone writing my mixtape and doing breath work. He supported me and would lay next to me as I worked on rhymes and learned to calm my trigeminal. He would watch me spin in my ‘tism circles as I listened to the beat and came up with the words. I guess I just miss him extra now that I’m writing again. He’s not here to give me emotional support and I’m not there for you to come home to even if you did ignore me most of the time.
I would have given you all of my money if you had just paid more attention to me. Let’s be honest you don’t need my money never did but I don’t mind paying my fair share for things. I just couldn’t keep shelling out my hard earned money for an empty home. You were never there even when you were. Never present with me; always planning always going always saying how if I wasn’t broke I could do things with you. The truth is Lon, Eventually I just kept telling you I was broke because I was saving to leave. My needs, my wants, my concerns, my love languages were never important to you. Lord knows I tried to voice it, tried to make you see that emotionally connecting would only deepen and strengthen our relationship. But you can only meet me as far as you’ve met yourself.
Somewhere in between you invalidating my childhood trauma by telling me “you need to just go get help” and you cheating on me with the exact two people I asked you not to cheat on me with (since you decided my asking for a closure to our open relationship wasn’t really a valid request, even though I gave you years to explore) I had come to realize I had no value to you. Not at all. The only thing I was to you was a supplemental income, even if a tiny one. But if you couldn’t get that from me I wasn’t worth anything to you at all.
So in the end you made your decision for yourself. You are the reason I stopped paying for things, I stopped hanging out with you, your friends, and mine outside of the house (since you turned them all against me anyway with your painted pictures of “using you” and my “emotional instability”). News flash; true abuse and extortion can only come from a place of power downward. Did I say things that hurt your ego and brought to attention your emotional unavailability, yes, but that’s not abuse. How you made over 100,000 a year and still required my money when I was making less than 15,000 freelancing at the time is not only abuse but beyond me in conscious. Add on top of that you making fun of my dreams and telling me I’ll “never be a writer” or a lyricist and how “stupid” I am. If you really wanted me gone I wish you had just said so instead of playing mind games until I felt more and more unwelcome.
You want to look at me and say I am to blame and that we just grew apart. No Lon you tore us apart and now I have to stay away. When you chose to tear us apart you ripped certain seems in my core, in my character, in my being. Threads I had woven and sewn from our connection. I once thought I was safe with you, that I was uplifted by you, but as I tried to step into a more unmasked version of myself it became more and more of a hostile avoidant environment. It’s taken me almost three months of constant therapy to bring me back to who I am as a person and away from that scared subservient little boy you created to serve you.
It’s okay though it’s all you were demonstrated from your parents; just as all I was demonstrated was how to give all of yourself for someone who sees you as less. Therapy has opened my eyes to so much I know you know that as I tried my hardest to heal our connection. I hope as you continue therapy, if you’re even still going, that you start to do the real work of looking at yourself instead of just using our differences to justify our demise as a couple and team.
It hurts so much to write this and to know that even if I did send it to you I wouldn’t get a response beyond your defense mechanisms. In the end you’re just like my “best friend” of 16 years; if it ain’t your way you kick em off on the highway at full speed.
All in all I hate what you became to me, what you are to those who can’t benefit you in some way, but for some reason I still love you and I’ll always miss you. Not as much as Dexy boy :p But I’ll always love you enough to hope that you start to look in the mirror. And that when you do it’s long enough for you to actually see yourself and in turn that you might truly see the people around you and why they are really there.
With the last of my love, Z