I wrote a post yesterday about an embarrassing situation that happened between my wife's best friend who is currently staying at our house. I was not sure how to bring it up to my wife and you guys really helped me a lot in understanding the urgency of telling my wife. I also got some cool ideas on how to bring up the subject without making it awkward for anyone. For everyone saying Ana was doing it on purpose, I did not agree with it as I am an extremely average looking person and woman don't chase me. However, things since last night have been just crazy and I think I am spiraling a bit. Sorry for the long post.
So, I decided to tell my wife last night as soon as she came home about the incident. I liked the idea of jokingly bringing up casually so that we both can laugh about it and then forget it. Last night, when my wife came home, I made sure I stayed in our bedroom. I asked Ana if she could stay with my kid downstairs. As my wife was changing, I asked her if Ana still borrow her clothes. Ana had to borrow them regularly when she first moved (long story). My wife told me yes and she has told Ana she can take anything from her closet if she needs it. I asked my wife if Ana told her about the funny incident from Friday. My wife said no, and I told her the whole story about how I came home early, and Ana came in the room almost naked to get her clothes, and how embarrassing it was for both of us.
As my wife was listening to this, she completely froze and turned pale. She started murmuring in Spanish (which is her and Ana's native language). I don't understand Spanish really well, but I understood the words "hombre casado" and "orta vez". I asked her if she is ok, and she sat next to me and asked me to explain everything in detail. I just told her it was nothing and she must have not heard me coming in. I was trying to laugh it off, but my wife had water in her eyes. I kept on telling her it was not a big deal, but she kept on asking me for more details. She asked me how Ana talks to me. I told her that Ana barely talks to me since she moved in except few words here and there.
My wife then asked me about three weeks ago when my wife had gone to visit her parents for four days. Ana did not want to go with her and stayed back. I told her that Ana was just acting normal. She or I would cook dinner after I got home from work while the other took care of the kid. The only thing different was Ana generally spending her evening in her room. However, when I was sitting in the living room watching TV after the kids slept, Ana came and sat on the sofa next to me but did not talk to me. I asked her if she wants me to change the channel or stream something she likes, and she just said she wanted to get out of her room. However, she did not flirt with me or do anything unusual. I kept on telling my wife that it was just an accident, and I really did not understand why she reacted so emotionally to it. My wife refused to answer and just said ok and agreed with me. However, she told me I should have told her about the incident sooner and should not keep any secrets from her and gave me a big lecture. I told her that I did not think it was a big deal and thought Ana would tell her, but glad I brought it up.
After dinner, my wife messaged Ana to join us, and she came out. While talking, my wife brought up the incident and told Ana that I mentioned about the incident, and she does not need to feel embarrassed. Such things happen when we are all in the same house and is not a big deal. Ana was firstly taken by surprise, but then told my wife she was just scared to tell her because she thought my wife would judge her because of her past. My wife gave her a stare, and she quickly changed the topic.
At night, I asked my wife what the hell was going on. I told her to please not keep any secrets from me, and if she does not tell me, I will directly ask Ana about what her past has got to do with anything. My first guess was Ana might have had a thing for me before we got married or something. But my wife was very reluctant to answer and kept on trying to change the subject and cuddle. However, I kept being persistent, and she finally spilled the beans.
Apparently, when Ana was in her early 20s, she was in relationship with a married coworker who was twice her age. It was a kind of sugar daddy relationship, and he told her that he was in an open relationship (or that's what Ana told my wife) and he would leave his wife in few years once the kids go to college. This makes sense now, because Ana is very pretty (like Miss USA level), and I never understood why she was single for most of the time I knew her. She eventually ended that relationship and started dating her boyfriend Jim, who turned out to be an abusive asshole. My wife said she suspects Ana was still involved with the older guy while in relationship with Jim, which explains why he kept on accusing her of cheating. That is why my wife became emotional when I told her what Ana did because she was worried Ana has no boundaries regarding married men. My wife said that Ana always looks up to us and praises me for being such a loyal partner and how lucky my wife is. My wife was a worried initially when she brought Ana home, but her actions from the time when my wife was away clearly show that she respects the boundaries, and it must have been an accident. My wife told me she is grateful I let Ana live in our house and observe what a healthy and happy marriage looks like.
Today morning was even more weird. I got up early as I could not sleep well and went down for a cup of coffee. After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks. She has never hugged me in the last 6 months. She seemed to be in a happy mood and was making small talk with me while having coffee.
I cannot believe my wife did not tell me such a huge detail about Ana for all these years. It's completely possible she cheated all through the relationship with Jim, and my wife is just covering for her all along. She even kept it a secret from me (after giving me a lecture about how we should never have secrets), and I don't know what else she is hiding. Everything just seems very confusing at this point. I feel angry at my wife for lying to me all these years for Ana. I also now see Ana differently. I am also worried that me trivializing the incident to my wife might have sent wrong signals to Ana.

Who am I?

As stated in my profile's description, I am u/syko-san. Yes, the name is a bit cringe, but I made the account when I was an edgy 13 year old. Let's be real, a lot of us were pretty cringe in middle school. Anyway, I am a 19 year old university student and am currently working on getting my bachelor's degree. I have thought about getting a master's degree afterwards, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I do, in fact, suffer from mental health issues, but they are unrelated to Reddit and are mostly under control. I am being treated appropriately and, while I can't say I am quite as functional as the average person, I survive relatively okay thanks to the treatments and the help of people around me.

The Origins of Pixel Counter Bot

Let's start at the beginning. I knew about countablepixels long before the creation of the bot. It would come up in my feed and I'd also link it to posts with egregiously low resolution. One day, I noticed people actually counting the pixels in the comments and a thought occurred to me. "What if I automated it?" It seemed very doable at the time, as I've messed around with the Reddit bot API in the past for much smaller things, so I spent an hour or two haphazardly throwing the bot together, using a lot of old code I had stashed away from that past experience. I honestly expected people to get annoyed with the bot and for it to get banned within a few days of it going online for the first time. Imagine my surprise when I got contacted by one of the moderators, thanking me for my contribution to the subreddit's growth and giving me moderator status myself. This little dumb project that I made on a whim was getting a lot more love than I was expecting.
Anyway, so the bot continued to get more attention and one night, I woke up at like 1am and checked my phone to see how the account was doing. I saw a reply to one of its comments saying "Fuck you" so I had the bright idea of logging into the bot account and replying with "Shut the fuck up." to see if people would find it funny. It got a lot of attention, so my aggressive responses to things started becoming a theme of the account.

How I genuinely feel about the harassment

As with most bots on Reddit for some ungodly reason, the account got a lot of sexual comments and DMs. This made me very uncomfortable at first, and I decided to reply to them with my trademark exaggerated levels of aggression. After a while, I kind of got used to such comments and started ignoring them a bit. They don't bother me nearly as much anymore, and while I do find them pretty cringe, I'm not losing my sanity over them. Trust me, I've been through much worse.

The "war" with AnarchyChess

I've known about AnarchyChess for a long time as well. It's also a subreddit that would frequently appear in my feed. I was an avid chess player a very long time ago, so I understood most of the humor just fine. That said, please do not actually challenge me to a game of chess, I'm nowhere near as good as I used to be and will probably lose.
Anyway, a bot I knew about sent me a DM with a very descriptive marriage proposal. At the time, I was mostly done giving these comments and messages any attention because there were too many for me to reply to them all, but this one caught my attention. I decided to reply to it and keep an eye on things, then reply to some of u/MartinFromChessCom's comments with my trademark exaggerated aggression. It went okay at first, but things began escalating from there. Martin's creator messaged me on my main account making sure everything was okay, and I explained to him that it was mostly just theatrics, and I thought a "war" between subreddits could actually be pretty fun as long as nobody took it too seriously. He posted a screenshot from our conversation a little while ago, so feel free to take a look. I will also say, please do not send a any hate or harassment his way. I am on good terms with Martin and there is zero genuine beef between us. It was all just to put on a bit of a show.
Regarding my "ban" from AnarchyChess, I was never actually banned from the subreddit. I added a filter in the bot's code to make it ignore any posts from that subreddit because my presence there seems to have only caused trouble, and I do not want to cause any headaches for the moderators there. Additionally, please do not send any harassment towards the moderators of AnarchyChess. They have not wronged me in any way and have actually made statements trying to protect me.

WIBTA for not imploding my life for my adult stepdaugher?
My apologies but this may be a bit long. Please redirect me if this needs to be in another forum.
I (49F) met my fiance (M48) 5 years ago. We'll call him D. D had a child (19F) from a previous marriage who has always lived primarily with their mother but D paid child support and had frequent visitation. We'll call her M. I have two children from a previous relationship as well (13F, 22M) and D gets along very well with both of them. I know you've heard this before, but he really is the love of my life. I've never met anyone who is so sweet, funny, intelligent, kind.
M makes poor choices. The issues have always been apparent but have been getting worse. M dropped out of school, has been fired from several entry level jobs for calling out, missing shifts, being late, etc... She also had a child with someone who also cannot hold a job. We tried having her live with us while she was pregnant but frankly, it was so stressful, she had to move back in with her mother. (Calling the ambulance 8 times because her belly hurt - nothing was ever found wrong, stealing from my children, stealing from us, ordering food delivery twice a day and expecting D to keep paying for it, leaving a huge mess and expecting others to pick/clean it up, snatching the wrist of my 2 y/o grandson because he picked up a piece of paper in the living room that she then threw away, staying up until 2 or 3 talking on discord because that was when her friends were up - keeping my 14 y/o awake when they had school in the morning, struck my dogs twice that I witnessed, I honestly could keep going on) She only stayed with us 3 months.
She has access to Medicaid, subsidized housing, food stamps, the works. Her living space is atrocious. DCF is involved. We go up about once a month to visit. I usually spend this time cleaning, playing with the grandbaby and we usually take them out to eat. She usually contacts D at least once a month to help with rent, electric, diapers, etc...We always do because we don't want our grandchild to suffer. His parents also help with babysitting and transportation as they live across the street and we live 2 hours away.
She is now pregnant again but by another guy who now does not want to be with her. Her original BD is willing to raise this child but this is not going to go well with his parents - very traditional. D and I are trying to "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best". D proposed them coming to live with us again, but I simply cannot implode my life again. I've countered with D & M live together and we continue dating without living together ourselves but neither one of us is excited about this. We're also concerned if she loses custody. We don't think either one of us is up to raising an infant and a toddler again.
Looking for other options

Sordland & Rizia Achievement Ideas

• Rash And Dangerous Reforms Achievement - have Sordland lose reforms in Assembly votes & have Royal Council turn down Romus' reforms unanimously.
• Old Habits Die Hard Achievement - Have a glass of wine before Walter Tusk enters Accept Walter's cigar offer Have tea after adjusting EPA Drink wine with Business Council Accept Kisha offer from Smolak f. accept Petr's offer of a glass of something Accept Alvarez's drink offer ["Are you drinking, Mr. President dialogue choice] Accept Walker's "stronger wine" As Romus:drink wine from Romus the Red Lose the pick wrong answers in a game with your Council to trigger taking shots Agree/accept Wiktor's Kisha offer (or something in between "I'll leave the smoking to the Queen Mother" dialogue choice High Tea with Beatrice.
• It's All All About The Money, Money Money (song) / A Money Must Be Funny In A Rich Man's World (song) Achievement - As Anton - accept bribe from Tusk, bribe Albin, bribe Frens, bribe Garaci, bailout businesses, veto Worker's Rights, raise taxes on SME & lower on big corporations, enact VAT As Romus, enact tax decrees on prologue, accept bribe from Rusty, don't contribute to Morella "pollution cleanup" [Arfuerde/Arfuelde], raise Income Tax of Rizia, enact Nobility tax and Inheritance tax, enact decree on privatization, increase RRG stake to 45, go 50-50 on MITZ with Morella, accept Valgish/ATO aid, lease Caleqabiz to Lespia/Valgsland
• Two Heads On A Platter Achievement - be assassinated (by Oligarchs / Bluds) as Anton; as Romus, when provoking revolutionists/militants with your speech to shoot you, than abdicating.
• "For the Oppressed!" Achievement - ban YS, assassinate Kesaro with SSP, impeach Hawker, capital punishment on Soll, denounce Su Omina and jail Rico under Rizia's custody.
• "They Rayne-diculously Tore Us, Toras!" Achievement - be infamous as Anton and Romus [low PO, low economy, negative budget, trigger Katarina/the red's Unrest Populace and fail to contain them as Anton; trigger violent protests in provinces and fail to unify Pales back to Rizia despite Vina's marriage to Axel].
• Two Coups and a Lie / Acquainted/Besties in Kyrute Achievement - trigger coup and exile in Kyrute with your families as Anton and Romus (fund Lucita/cops to be able to bring her with you!).
• Unjust Proceedings Achievement - defund military, join CSP, transfer Gendermarie to Interior despite being warned and jail Soll via Grecer, reinstate capital punishment [Valken Coup] As Romus, train much men from Turn 1 to 10, increase levies, execute Lucita (to trigger Taddeus coup) and prepare to be guillotined (epilogue).
• Bibliophile Women & Their Rubbish Books Achievement - defy / disgust over Monica reading Malenyevist/Valgish book; do not let Vina sit-in to your Council and confiscate the book.
• "In Loving Memories Of..." / "Any Father's Nightmare" / "The Burden That Fathers Bear" Achievement - As Anton, be strict/mean to Franc at every given turn and send Franc to military school but lose the war against Rumburg (Franc dies) As Romus: Go home instead of letting her dance with Manus. Lure her with approving Vina's relationship with Manus in one condition: Vina to Pales as liaison, do not jail Lucita for false flag, prepare for war and use assault strike than covert op (Vina dies)
• Torn & Betrayed / "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" Achievement

As Anton:

1. Support Monica on Prologue.
2. Have shady deals (Monica is your primary leaker; when you and Serge/Petr watching FC Anrica game, they be lying down on the ground in protest against you)
3. Turn down Monica's speech
4. Apologize and let Curtan Leste continue his speech (make Monica helpless)
5. Outright gun WLA down. Say no, than showing support and vetoing WLA on later game. Don't fund Women's Committee 6)Let Monica divorce you. 6) Leak Monica's racy photos on epilogue

As Romus:

1. Be a Party Prince
2. Have ocassional affairs
3. Go to your other woman instead than attend Vina's birthday(?). Rushing as you go to Lena and she dies in your arms.

With Vina:

1. Be indifferent with Manus at every given turn
2. Do not let her dance with Manus
3. Disapprove her relationship with Manus
4. Arrest Manus with Golden Guard
5. Execute Manus

With Lucita

1. Kiss Lucita after playing a game with the Council, post-Wine event
2. Be in a relationship / Date Lucita
3. Break up with Lucita on later game

• Shame Isn't The Name of The Game Achievement -

1. As Anton, lose the war against Rumburg (Franc studying somewhere else)
2. As Romus, lose the war against Pales (Vina is not your liaison to Pales)

• Crucified Two Times In The Name Of Reformation Achievement - Repeal EPA, privatize education, healthcare, SSC and Nedam, add Articles 6 & 7, fail to secure / assure USP's votes resulting to 70 ayes in Assembly votes; trigger a reform coup/ambush as Romus
• Sleeping with the Gators Achievement - don't fire/jail Livia despite evidences that points to her as spy; exonerate Lucita from false flag sitch.
• Guns & Roses Achievement - assassinate Hawker, assassinate Livia & Petr, capital punishment on Soll, enact Gun Rights, have Soll Dam bombed by BFF, have Serge killed on military parade, join a superpower bloc, go to war against Rumburg; execute Manus (jail with GG), Sal (investigate with Lucita/Titus), Rico (under Rizia's custody), exile in Rumburg with the Royal Family and die there due to world war
• The Children of Yesterday's Dream Achievement - have Franc bid forward to PFJP (via coup); make Vina heir and abdicate the throne.
• "You've Got Blud On Your Hands" Achievement - pass xenophobic bills, eradicate / quell Alarming Threat of BFF, express disgust to Franc dating a Blud, full OBT with Wehlen as Anton, ban Bluds and OBT as Romus

Overall, what do you guys think? 🥹😅

Note..this comparison is solely based on fact I read both and enjoyed both too but at last what is fact and Truth I will include 💞 so let's go
Main plot.... author of my own destiny Normal girl writer transmigrat to another world that she created and bcz of her guilt(she saw so many people suffer bcz of her story writing)and fl family problems she goes to change ending meet Abel and ogml then real story begin
Father I don't want to get married....a girl who thinks her dad hate her and in the end she kille* herself that's when her first life end(actually her father back time) story begin fl change her attitude/personality and the main point get to marriage(9.5/10)
World plotting.....(Both worlds are magical world with magician's and monsters special abilities but I will discuss nobility and commoner system)
author of my own destiny.....it's world plotting is fair emperor is powerful then duke and slowly described all nobility and about common people's it's like othe manhwas were sla*** and rumors are common it's system of nobility I like it so far there's no problem in it's law system(10/10
Father I don't want to get married..... It's world plotting specially nobility system is so bad even though emperor is not absolute duke doesn't start rebellion or try to assassin***emperor so nothing dangerous happen but he make contract that 12y kid will know is not good it's gamble and he lost gamble like this crown prince's faction power is so poor too other than this there's still so much options but the story will not start so author didn't add it(5/10)
Abilities...... author of my own destiny
Fl is magician and most powerful too/she is smart/she is crown prince loveduke's adopted daughtekind/beautiful/badas/fearless/cute too (She is not romantic but know normal love)(10/10
Father I don't want to get married Jubel(I will use this name bcz I am familiar with it) She is flower of nobility/beautiful/kind/cute/romantic/charming/duke's daughtecrown prince's wife That's all she doesn't have her own power or authority nor she is smart she doesn't use her past life(time back) knowledge to do something she just changed her attitude that doesn't make much difference she is dumb have maked so much mistakes(also the magic is not her's when someone argue it's her mother's magic)(7/10)
Ml..... author of my own destiny(the name is hard so I will use ml to refer him) Ml is powerful/hard working(he do dangerous thinks to be recognized as prince) handsome/dragon slayefl's lover(obsessive with consideration)have power authority title(9.5/10)
Father I don't want to get married (ml he is the only one I like all in all) Max is emperoduke's student/fl's husband(kind and fl's only one piece)/have authority/kind/handsome/(10.10) In power I think seigrien will win not sure
Our dady sugars 😋😁..... author of my own destiny Abel is duke/intelligent/powerful/handsomeness overload/caring/raised fl's to be strongest/kind and strict/Master and father of fl/teacher of ml/ (It's secret for girl's ABEL is single you can have it🙂‍↔️)
Father I don't want to get married Floyen is duke/so much powerful/handsome/kind fathe kind husband/ That's all I will say bcz he is dumb so much dumb he make a deal that disadvantage to him and his close one's too he make his life miserable himself he is kind but stupid father who made his daughter just a flower that can wether anytime he doesn't give her even a bit hint before coming back in time that something is wrong this all story started with his stupidity(6/10)(sorry when someone got upset but it's truth more explanation is below 👇) In Battle I think he will win from ABEL
All in all conclusion...I have enjoyed both in another way but like I said conclusion will be on fact and all over things in consideration Winner will be author of my own destiny there's no doubt it have better fl better daddy and good ml fair world plotting best art style good story telling
Father I don't want this marriage dumb fl stupid father unbalanced world plotting kinda like author is desperate to create sad story but it makes this childish after you read all chapters and think about it again you will be embarrassed what was you reading(good points lovable ml cute art style romance +point it have memes funny& cute question's after chapter endit's the unique think only this manhwa have
Conclusion author of my own destiny wins when fact is conclude Aside seriousness you can enjoy both In another ways💞 (Wish I transmigrat as ABEL 😜)

Hey fellow childfree warriors!
Just to give you a quick background, I (M) have been happily married for the last three years. Early on in our marriage, we made a pact to live a childfree life. Yep, no mini-me's or mini-her's running around!
But here's where it gets funny. My wife constantly gets bombarded with the age-old question: "When are you gonna deliver babies?" as if she's Amazon Prime with a 10-month delivery guarantee. Like, seriously? Do they think babies arrive with free two-day shipping?
Initially, my wife tried to dodge the nosy inquiries by saying there were some medical issues on her end. Spoiler alert: there weren't any!
But recently, she decided to up her game. Now, when someone asks her about babies, she straight-up replies, "His penis. He doesn't want to shoot kids. What's your problem?" Mic drop.
I mean, can you imagine the looks on their faces? Priceless!
Has anyone else here come up with hilarious responses to shut down the baby question brigade? Share your stories!

So I just want to address the trad wife trend that Alicia has latched onto. Recently, Alicia has changed her hair and the way she dresses because we all know that her platform has decreased quite a bit. So she’s doing whatever she can to make herself more presentable and inviting for people to come to her page. Or she’s trying to cause controversy because we know that she likes to be the villain. What we’re seeing is the result of not growing organically, we know that her management team had connections and paid for her to grow on her platforms. And we’re seeing now how that’s not sustainable if you don’t have real followers. But coming back to the trad trend. So for those who are kind of confused about the word trad it simply means a traditional wife and mother that stays in the home like years ago, and that was their main job. The problem is as a traditional mom myself she’s not being realistic, I can barely get my teeth brushed in the morning and my hair put up. I throw on whatever it feels comfortable, and then I go about taking care of my house and my family. I know for me when I am scrolling through social media, If I see a mom that is all dressed up and perfect I scroll through because I know it’s not realistic and I look for those moms who are not matching, worn out, and just acts like themselves. Those are the women I grab recipes from, save their funny memes about raising kids, and follow their pages. So Alicia is actually causing her platform to go backwards because she’s not realistic, that’s not how the world is right now whether you dress like that or not, it’s not coming back. You can be a traditional wife and wear sweats and a sweatshirt, or, just wear slippers. Whoever she’s getting her suggestions from really needs to stop. And honestly, I’m not a fan of Alicia, but I liked her better dressing the other way and being at least more genuine in that aspect.

Heya-new here, but been out as pan for several years (& just didn't know the term before that).
This is long. If someone baring their life for context to their question is not for you, feel free to skip to the end(ish), or skip it altogether. For those of you who stick around, I appreciate your forbearance, as well as your help/advice/support/whathaveyou.
With how things are generally running in the world these days, I have no idea how to meet & connect w/people, let alone start dating, but I feel like that's where I'm headed. I'm also trying to continue to make friends & build a more comprehensive & cohesive chosen family.
To say I feel stymied is an understatement.
I've been told by friends who no longer live here, as well as a few transplants from other places, that living in Seattle doesn't exactly help. The feedback I've had from most of these people is that the social scene here, regardless of the group &/or their focus-be it music, gardening, gaming, or anything else-is pretty much surface-fake & very toxic.
Having lived nowhere else, I have no real/other perspective with this, but the sentiments regarding all of it are both clear and consistent. Frankly, some of the things they've described as "normal" frienships/interactions elsewhere sound both completely foreign to me/my experience, & absolutely lovely. These people span not only this country, but a few are on different continents altogether-which makes that consistency significant.
I realize there's no such thing as a fantasy-perfect place, & that wherever you go, there you are is definitely true, but the social culture out here is pretty damn difficult.
To be honest, I'm not really all that surprised by these evaluations. I've considered moving for various reasons, but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't one of them.
However, for me, that's not as straightforward as it might be for most people.
For starters, I'm disabled & immunocompromised, which, as you might (correctly) excpect, complicates everything in my life. Ableism is also a constant challenge, & that absolutely includes social interactions.
I am also neurodivergent, which I say with pride, but can also cause issues with the wrong neurotypical people. I've experienced this in all aspects of my life, including a few disasterous relationships (or "learning experiences", ha ha, no).
There's additional, relevant background stuff (well, relevant to me, anyway) that provides some context for how I've arrived at this point.
Here's my (recentish) story:
My spouse left me in 2012, essentially because I became disabled during the relationship (very, very common, unfortunately).
Like many, I became very isolated while I was learning how to live w/my disability. When my marriage (suddenly, unexpectedly, & without a sandgrain of warning) abruptly ended I was alone in a boat in the middle of an empty sea.
Disabled people do not have marriage equality (yep, really.), so we were married in name only-legal marriage wasn't an option. At all. What that meant for me in practical terms (not to mention with regards to my survival) was that I had zero legal recourse for financial help-or anything else, for that matter.
It did not help that my family shocked me with their complete lack of support (devestating & baffling), & I was looking at the reality of needing to shop around for the least awful shelter, because I was for sure going to become unhoused.
My now ex stepped in, said they wouldn't be the one to make me unhoused, & said they would continue to live w/me until I found stable housing I could afford. I had no one to go to & nowhere else to go, so while my ex is trash in most other ways, I am very grateful to them for doing so, if not for much else.
Finding available housing I could afford took 3½ years.
(SSDI is incredibly fucked, & if you have no idea what I'm talking about, please educate yourself. The creator 'crutches & spice' is a great place to start, but please-people need to know how bad it really is, & recognise that even you could become disabled-today even! But I digress in a way only an audhd person can).
3½ years of living in nearly complete isolation, while also having to watch my ex go on w/their life (including dating & new relationships) was traumatic & incredibly painful. When I finally moved into my own place & was finally living alone, I was fully aware I had a lot to work through, work on, & figure out. Dating would have been the worst decision I could have made, & I knew it.
I spent a good chunk of time figuring my shit out, realizing I was nonbinary (really, just another term I had not yet encountered) & mostly focusing on building friendships (especially building my chosen family) .
I have not dated/hooked up/whatever since. This was completely by my own choice, & I stand by that decision as being the healthiest & most loving thing I have done for myself in a long time-maybe ever. I love living alone, & for the most part have learned to enjoy being solitary, experiencing no more loneliness than the average person seems to encounter along the way.
This has been somewhat compromised of late, as I had to euthanize my emotional support animal just under a year ago, followed by going low-contact with my parents shortly after. However, I have also worked very, very hard with my therapist regarding this, & we both agree I've made significant progress. In other words, I'm pretty certain at this point that I'm not trying to find someone to compensate for those losses.
I decided I was ready to do the scary thing & at least start dipping my toes (or maybe my foot...up to the knee?) into the dating pool, & began to feel that out...in late 2019.
Well, it doesn't take much of anything to know what came next: c19 hit & I was back to just staying home all the time (something I already had a lot of experience with, obviously, so during lockdown, much comfort & advice was given to those who did not-lucky bastards).
Since folks have now decided the pandemic is over (don't even get me started on that, except to say that most people see my safety needs as a huge inconvenience), I've gone back to attempting in-person interactions.
For example, I joined an lgbtqia+ (& allies) choir, & participte with a nonprofit that focuses on trauma-based teaching, providing free art classes to a highly varied student body.
But while I have made a (very) few friends along the way, dating seems to have been shoved off the table (again).
I had to leave the choir about a year ago (mainly for issues regarding their c19 policy changes that completely disregarded the several immunocompromised members of the choir-one of whom is now permanently disabled w/long covid-& the shitty way the choir leadership responded to those of us who voiced concerns/dissent).
The nonprofit is cool, but given the general population they serve, not exactly a mecca of dating options. Even friendships must be considered very carefully & evaluated often, though I very much believe in the value of the work they do, & have met some really lovely people.
I'm in an odd place of integration (ie letting shit settle), so I'm not even sure I want a relationship (yeah, yeah, I know-do not name the cup from which you will not drink). A friends-with-benfits type situation would be welcome, however, & I'm not opposed to being part of a polycule, either.
So I'm back to square one, and apps seem as good an idea as any...save for the horror stories I hear from others, especially people who are afab (like me).
If I had a name tag & was asked to label myself, "Disabled, nonbinary (afab), neurodivergent, immunocompromised, pansexual person" probably wouldn't fit.
I checked out a post in one of the bisexual-focused reddit groups, regarding dating apps (& experiences therein), but much of the discussion didn't fully apply (or apply at all) to pansexual-identifying people. That wasn't a huge surprise, of course, but it was frustrating & and disappointing, for sure.
If you've made it this far, you get a Big Gold Star Thank You (!) & a request for thoughts, advice, suggestions, stories (I could use some funny &/or encouraging ones, to be honest), & any other relevant comments, especially with regards to dating apps. Even though I feel age is generally & often irrelevant, I suppose I should mention I turned 48 this last January.
I'm open to in-person interaction, but if it's indoors, I have to mask up, & prefer masked events at venues with decent air circulation. This winter, I missed several shows because I knew they'd be packed with unmasked people in a small space with abominable ventilation & air circulation. It sucks.
Online interaction is absolutely welcome, as it's the most likely to be accessible to me. Plus, with the summer weather already kicking in (thanks climate change!), the possibilities for &/or opportunities to actually meet in person are greatly increased.
*Please be kind (yeah, I know that's a tall order for the internet, but honestly, so far all y'all seem like pretty decent people).
I'm not generally very good at asking for help, & always worry that my story will just be seen as a sob story (or incredibly boring). This post is part of my efforts to put all the work I've done in being accountable, taking real actions, & continuing to grow past that into practice. Scary as hell, but here we are.
Go Me.
That said, I'll most likely look at this tomorrow with embarrassment, thinking it is probably too much information-but even if I feel that way, I can ignore that & choose to believe otherwise. (Feel free to voice support to that effect, should you be so inclined).
OK. Thanks for reading, & thanks in advance for any help you may have to offer.
Cheers

Hey fellow childfree warriors!
Just to give you a quick background, I (M) have been happily married for the last three years. Early on in our marriage, we made a pact to live a childfree life. Yep, no mini-me's or mini-her's running around!
But here's where it gets funny. My wife constantly gets bombarded with the age-old question: "When are you gonna deliver babies?" as if she's Amazon Prime with a 10-month delivery guarantee. Like, seriously? Do they think babies arrive with free two-day shipping?
Initially, my wife tried to dodge the nosy inquiries by saying there were some medical issues on her end. Spoiler alert: there weren't any!
But recently, she decided to up her game. Now, when someone asks her about babies, she straight-up replies, "His penis. He doesn't want to shoot kids. What's your problem?" Mic drop.
I mean, can you imagine the looks on their faces? Priceless!
Has anyone else here come up with hilarious responses to shut down the baby question brigade? Share your stories!

I have a fairly wide taste in books. The ratio of fiction to nonfiction is like 20:1 but I love a good funny or interesting autobiography or memoir sometimes. I have a long commute to and from work. So lately, I’ve been downloading audiobooks on Libby and then reading the kindle book at home, and reading a lot more as a result. I’d love recs of books you’ve enjoyed - here’s what I’ve read in the past year or so that I have really liked or loved:
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow Project Hail Mary My Dark Vanessa More: A memoir of an open marriage Apples Never Fall I have some questions for you The Guest Erasure The girl with all the gifts Daisy jones & the six The secret history The goldfinch Juliet, Naked
Thanks in advance !

A woman who was my super long time crush became single after a 10 year marriage. I waited an appropriate amount of time (close to a year), asked her out. We had an okay first coffee date (we were both awkward as hell); and without even asking, she let me know that she was open to doing anything and had a clear schedule, so no brainer, I asked her out for a real date. It was at that point that she ghosted me, she agreed to the date but when I asked what would be a good evening for her, nothing. After a week I sent a funny meme but no response. Although it sucked to have missed the opportunity, just kind of shrugged it off and went on. Didn't want to be petty or awkward because we have some of the same friends, so I've kept her as Friends on Instagram and Facebook (on mute so her stuff doesn't show up on my feed). About 2 months later she posts that she has a boyfriend, which I will admit made me a little jealous because he is a complete loser, looks like a nice dude but comes off as a bum. I have had a number of life successes within a short time: I've graduated from college with my Bachelors, I've lost 100 pounds (most of which was off when I asked her out), and I just bought a condo. Of course I post my successes on social media. Ever since this girl has announced her boyfriend she posts on my social media posts about my successes. I don't know why but it totally kills my mood whenever she praises me. Feels like she is looking down on me out of guilt/pity because I havent found someone, I think she is doing it subconsciously but goddamn what a buzz kill. I can't unfollow her now becuase my friends will think I'm being petty. Maybe I will unfriend her in the future but hopefully I will just grow to not care about it anymore.

We've been friends for a long time, even before you got married. I was among those who shipped you with your current husband. Heck, I even attended your wedding. Throughout the years we've shared details about each other...our sins, our mistakes and our lovelives (several of mine) that we could not tell anyone else.
I noticed I haven't heard from you in a long spell. But I totally get it. Your partner... he never liked me. Despite him knowing who I am... I guess the vibe is there. I never liked him either. And knowing I'm still single... I guess red flags are ringing for him.
As much as I don't like him, I also have to respect the bounds of your marriage to him. As platonic as our relationship has always (and will always be), if he doesn't like it, then you should stay away from me.
I know you get from me the kind of comfort he's unable to provide you. For one, he's a strong willed extrovert who doesn't see things in abstract, while the two of us... we like to sometimes live in our heads and indulge in our fantasies.
It's funny because if only he knew the kind of shit I've been through, and that you're not attracted to me in any way for knowing them, he wouldn't feel so insecure or suspicious. But then again, it's an unusual set up. They say males and females cannot be just friends. While generally true, I truly believe we're the exception. But exceptions are exceptions for a reason due to its rarity and rare things are extremely dubious.
I will not try to reach out to you either. Our friendship has always been dependent on whether you reach out to me or not. I couldn't because again, out of respect for your marriage. But if you do reach out, then I'll be here... unless your husband decides to message me directly to say I could no longer talk to you.
I wouldn't want it to come to that. So if this is your way of avoiding it, well and good. I hope you get the kind of emotional support you used to get from me somehow. Or that you learn to appreciate your husband for who he is. Either way, I understand.
I just let go of my girl (haha I'm still calling her "my girl") and I would have wanted to tell you that. I wonder how you'd react this time? What unusual perspectives you would have given me again? You always made me feel like things aren't as bad as I make them up to be. That things happen for a reason. You never judged me. I think you have a knack for counseling. I hope your husband realizes how lucky he is to have you.

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/8uZCpGy
Oh boy, is this one gonna be a can of worms. Let's dive in headfirst!
"I'll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce, with your He-Man haircut and your Daisy Dukes." It's an unremarkable line, but the rhythm here is pretty kickass, and I love the choregraphy of Jenner doing stretches in time with the beat, it's a really satisfying visual. "I hear you're good at running, you're just like the Flash. Especially in the 100-meter ditch-your-wife dash." Decent attack. They never fail to use someone getting divorced as material for a diss, do they? Banner looming over his beakers and microscope is a nice visual, and "You turned one gold medal to a lifetime of green; the most overrated athlete anyone's ever seen" is a competent enough attack. "You need to carry fatherhood across that finish line; kept up with the Kardashians but left some kids behind" is, again, a decent enough diss. A lot of material about Jenner's family here; I guess that's to be expected. There's still one or two much more obvious lines of attack to make, but I suppose Banner is just saving his best stuff for the end, right? He certainly wasn't saving it for the end of this verse, in which he just references the fact that he transforms when he gets pissed off without fashioning it into much of an attack or boast. The use of strings in the music here is a really nice touch, although I'd say the green screen effect with Bruce standing in front of those neurons or whatever ain't looking so hot.
Actually, the green screen effects for this battle broadly aren't the best. That stadium Jenner's standing in is looking pretty low-res. "I think you're in your element when you're behaving badly; honestly you're kind of boron when you're happy." It's a corny pun, but the sentiment is true enough. "I'll lap and pass your ass ten different ways. Decathlon athlete blast through you like some gamma rays." This is filler; it's fine, rhythm sounds pretty good, but it's just taking up space. "The truth is there's no truce between the Bruces, you're a drifter being useless, I'm a winner, no excuses!" That's a lot of playing on the same rhyme in a short period of time, and I dig that: truth/truce/Bruces/useless/excuses, hell yeah. I guess some of those aren't proper rhymes so much as, what's the word... assonance, maybe? It's good writing, is the point. The visuals panning in and out of this home gym is a nice touch too, and a nice parallel to Banner's sequence with his lab. "Beatiful women all up on my jock, I got a home gym, check me on the cereal box, Doc!" The rhythm Jenner's spitting here rules, this beat is low-key one of the better ones they've done. It's also a nice boast, and that Wheaties visual is pretty great. "You big green freak, don't try to flex; if it wasn't for your cousin, you'd never have sex!" Okay, this line goes super hard and I think it's one of the most underrated ones in ERB history. AND it's got one of the funniest visuals in the way Jenner pops in on that roller shouting "OHH!" while Banner suffers. That bit lives rent-free in my head. "You're so strong when you get mad, too bad you can't go back to protect your mom from your dad!" Holy fucking SHIT, this goes hard! The flow here kicks all kinds of ass, and we've got a 3x rhyme combo going on with mad/bad/dad; I LOVE odd numbers of rhymes! It's also just an extremely savage low blow. Another line that doesn't get enough credit. Jenner is kicking Banner's ass so far.
One questionable and inadvisable transformation sequence later, The Hulk comes in to spit a few bars. But only a few. "That painted face don't give you class; just one more thing Bruce do for cash!" Interesting argument. "Best thing you make? Kylie ass! She eighteen? Hulk SMASH!!" I do think this is a pretty funny way to reduce Jenner's legacy to Kardashian bullshit, and the Hulk SMASH joke always gets a strong reaction out of people.
Fully transitioned Caitlin Jenner comes in with "That's my teenage daughter, man, I have to forbid this; I'll put a javelin through your jolly green discus." Decent lines. Good way for Caitlin Jenner to brag about her athletic achievements while also throwing a Jolly Green Giant jab in. "Kylie not the kinda girl I'm gonna let you smash on; you'll get the medal without the decathlon!" I like the medeal/metal wordplay here, although Caitlin Jenner dual-wielding pistols and firing them at the Hulk feels extremely out of left field.
"Hulk is Hulk! No identify as man! Me thinks Cait might understand!" Pretty funny line, and Caitlin's reaction is also amusing. "No gender issue; this Jenner issue! Just you being you is enough to diss you!" So that's it, then? They're really not going to bring that one thing up, eh? I feel like that closing line would land a lot better if they did.
"Look I understand that you hate yourself; but you don't need to blame yourself." Oh, huh. That's different. Let's see where this therapy session goes. "You're a tiger, stop trying to tame yourself; you gotta be big enough to contain yourself." Well... I like that she's mixing things up by rhyming with the penultimate word instead of the last word, that's always something. They're clearly going for an angle of Caitlin relating to Bruce and trying to teach him to come to terms with his identity, which is kind of cute, I guess. "Be green, it ain't none of my business!" That line's pretty funny, as is the tea-sipping visual. "But if you think you're looking good in those torn-ass clothes; you're lying, which means you need a new wardrobe!" That's a reference to The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, which has absolutely nothing to do with this matchup. Feels out of place because of it. And it's not a very strong diss besides, feels like padding. Doubly strange to end her verse on it. "The visions of those shorts kinda scarred me; what'd you just rage at a Barney themed party?" Oh, there's more? Alright. This burn is really lame. Barney jokes? Come aaaaaaaahhhhhn, what are we doing here? That line should have definitely been left on the cutting room floor. "That's probably not something you seen as a child; not one day did you see your daddy smile!" Okay. She already established that Hulk's father was abusive in her first verse, and while it was a powerful blow there, here it feels much more toothless. "Hulk not strong enough to deal with denial! Laying you down easy; that's kitchen tile!" The first line is pretty amusing with how Caitlin imitates The Hulk's speech, but that second line... why? Pretty weaksauce way to finish her performance off, but whatever. Also not a fan of these visuals with the diamonds, feels like they wanted to add some visual flair but couldn't think of a good way to do it so they settled on Caitlin popping out of diamonds which is just odd. "Examine this under your microscope; you've got no neck, but you still fucking choked!" Oh. This verse is still going? Okay. Well, it's a good line. "After battling me, you're gonna always be pissed! So the Hulk will stay forever, neither Bruce will exist!" You know, that's actually a pretty strong closer, but I can't help but feel like it's undercut by just how long that verse was dragging on.
Okay, so. I feel it should be pointed out that there's a lot of people who were always going to hate this battle for making the decision not to attack Caitlin for being trans. Furthermore, the overwhelming sentiment has been that Banner won this; it bears keeping in mind that there's a lot of transphobes out there who were going to say the Hulk won no matter what happened simply because Caitlin is trans. So to that end, I think that a fair amount of the hate this battle gets, and the hate that Caitlin's performance gets, is bullshit. But there are still some big criticisms that need to be made.
So let's be honest: they threw the match for Caitlin. Or at least attempted to. You might still think the Hulk managed to win, but with that insanely long final verse it's pretty clear they tried to make Caitlin the 'canon' winner, as with Thomas Jefferson vs. Frederick Douglass. They did this presumably because it was pride month, and they wanted to say Trans Rights with a trans rapper that gets a positive portrayal. I can get behind that sentiment, but the execution is questionable to say the least.
Like... I'm not trans, but there's some shitty stuff going on here that's easy to see. For one, the cardinal rule that everybody knows is that you're not supposed to misgendedeadname a trans person, and the title of this battle is Bruce Banner vs. Bruce Jenner. So from the get-go, before the video even starts playing, we're getting some mixed signals here. Are we to take from this that they made the tactical decision to go ahead and deadname Caitlin for the sake of the matchup making intuitive sense(what with it obviously being a play on their similar names), and then try and do a hard pivot and make Caitlin win the battle to avoid criticism for that decision? Feels like maybe they could have just not gone with this matchup instead. The whole transformation element also seems dubious, but I could see someone reasonably landing either way on whether that's actually an issue or just silly fun, so I won't go into that.
Another issue to consider: Caitlin Jenner kind of sucks. Most people do not like her. Most TRANS people don't even like her. For one, despite the fact that she's trans, she is a Republican who has made anti-gay marriage comments in the past. The bizarre shittiness of a trans person being like that is a pretty ripe source of material for disses, yet this battle does not bring it up at all. And more notably than that, Caitlin Jenner was famously involved with a manslaughter case, where she was accused of getting someone killed due to negligent driving. It was ultimately determined that there wasn't enough evidence for manslaughter and so she wasn't found guilty(though it's widely believed that this decision was bullshit and she did commit manslaughter), but it's an extremely well-known and controversial factoid and it's insane they didn't have Banner bring up as a diss. If you're going to have a rapper make the case of "Just you being you is enough to diss you", seems like being a trans Republican and quite possibly committing vehicular manslaughter are the two strongest and most obvious points to go with. And yet... nothing. If your goal to make a battle that gives trans people positive representation, then Caitlin Jenner is a pretty poor choice. If you don't want your trans rapper to look like a bad person, then maybe instead of ignoring either elephant in the room, you could just go with some other trans rapper in some other matchup. I get that there aren't a lot of choices for a trans rep with name recognition or ample material to work with, but... the Wachowski sisters are right there. And they've done more to warrant getting in an ERB than Caitlin Jenner anyhow.
Another thing is... why is it a moral imperative that Caitlin win this battle? Sure she's trans, and it's cool to want to give trans people positive representation, but you didn't need to give her an absurdly long verse at the end to do that. You could just give her good writing, refrain from shitting on her just for being trans, and sure, let her have the final word. Then, yes, show the pride flag at the end to say Trans Rights. That's all you had to do. With something like Jefferson v. Douglass the scale-tipping made sense, because it was a slave-owner vs. a slave. Yeah, it's kind of hard for the slave-owner to win that match, and it makes sense to use it as a vehicle to take a firm stand against slavery. But it's not like this battle is Trans Person vs. Transphobe; Bruce Banner isn't some horrible person that must be morally condemned(there's a much stronger case for Caitlin herself), so... why have it play out like this? I think that ironically, by trying to hand the match to Caitlin they wound up getting more hate thrown towards the performance and more people voting against her in polls than there otherwise would have been if they'd just cut out all that excessive padding and given her a solid closing verse. As-is the verse isn't good, the overall quality is dragged down by just how much fluff there is.
In the end, my read on the situation is this: for whatever reason, they really liked the idea of this matchup and wanted to go through with it. They knew that going through with it would necessitate making it Bruce Banner vs. Bruce Jenner at the start, so they bit the bullet on the deadnaming and the conceit for the matchup and did everything they could to mitigate the potential backlash for that, going as soft on Caitlin as possible and giving her a verse that was ridiculously lengthy. People always say "but it's the Hulk, it makes sense he wouldn't say much!" and sure, I can buy that as an excuse as to why Caitlin's verse would be longER than his, but that still doesn't account for why it's as insanely long as it is. In any case... this paragraph is just speculation, I can't know their actual motivations, but I think this is likely what happened.
Anyway... despite all, this battle gets way too much hate. I think Jenner's first verse is really good, and the Hulk is also quite solid for as few lines as he gets. Bruce Banner is a little mediocre and Caitlin's last verse ends up just being a pain in the ass to sit through(could've been good if they cut all the fat and left in the handful of good lines) that's best skipped past on repeat listens. But still... there's some stuff here that is thoroughly enjoyable. I don't think this battle quite manages to be good, but it's got enough going for it that I think it manages to avoid being outright bad. I'm putting this in the top of C tier, because I genuinely think it's more enjoyable than all of the battles that are below it.
It's understandable to say that The Hulk beat Jenner's second verse, but I think her first verse was pretty fire and the highlight of the battle. I say she edges out a win, but a case could be made either way.
Let me end things off by saying this: I once watched this battle with an extremely transphobic relative, and he was pissed off by that "no gender issue, this Jenner issue" line. So even if this battle was a regrettable mistake, at least they did something right.

I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.

Hi there! My name is Ev and i am a closet gay living in a strict christian society. If you are caught being gay, making weird jokes, having sex before marriage, or even watching an older movie, you get brought to our minister so they can "save" you from eternal damnation. Everyone is kind, but being gay is unheard of. This is where my problem starts.
I have told nobody that I am gay. nobody. Except for my best friend that i will love to the end, Ashlyn. she and I are mostly open to each other, and i even wonder sometimes if she is lesbien. and if she is, I would support her so much. But anyways, I have a few other friends then her, and half are guys, half are girls. We are what you would call the cool kids (Ashlyn's words, not mine). we are fairly delinquent and we get detentions fairly often, one time i got a suspension for making "innapropiate jokes"(b.s. by the way). i've known I was gay since I was fairly young and i am a BL fanboy. I do everything at home on my own, in my room and life has been bearable. But we got a new kid in my class last year. His name was zack. The first day he walked in, I fell in love.
I am average in almost everything. My grades, looks, etc. i have quite a few friends and i've been told i have a great personality and i'm easy to talk to. But for some reason, I couldn't say anything to this boy. He was funny, and incredibly blunt, but after a year of working hard, i managed to become an honorary member of their sporty guy group. They were all very athletic and half of them hated me while the others liked me. But i didn't care, I was only there for Zack. but as much as i tried and tried. i couldn't stop loving him. My parents and siblings would try to change me if they knew I was gay, and all my friends are homophopic(even zack)except Ashlyn. everyday is making it even harder for me to live here. i hate it here, Zack and almost all my friends and family would look down on me if they knew. Its suffocating me and i dont know what to do. I can't run away, I can't stop being friends with them, since then i would be lonely. i know zack cares about me, but he would never like me like that. I need advice on how to keep on living here. What should i do?

I’m so glad this sub exists because I’ve been annoying everyone in my life with my theories about these two … I figured this would be the right place to post my speculation/lyric breakdowns of songs that they may have written about each other, split into different posts for albums for ease of reading.
Starting with Reputation (2017) – I imagine the failed relationship with Matty was still fresh for Taylor during the writing/recording of this album. Her reference to her “longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” definitely made me look back at Rep in a way I hadn’t before (and I do think we’ll see some Matty-coded vault tracks on TV”. That said I don’t want to erase her other relationships, especially with Joe, so I’ll make notes of where I think I’m either stretching for a Matty connection or I think there are multiple muses.
Special mention to “Getaway Car” which feels like another (fictionalized?) response to Robbers but the story she tells is very similar to her fling with Tom, especially given the third man in the song. I usually claim it for the maylors anyway bc who cares about Tom. Let me know what you think.
“...Ready For It?”
Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him / Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted / But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom
I can't ignore the connections here to two other songs thought to be written about M - Ghost (2014) and Haunted (2015) by Halsey (I won't bother going into the HalseyMatty lore here but I could in another post...)
"You're a Rolling Stone boy, never-sleep-alone boy / Got a million numbers and they're filling up your phone, boy" (Ghost) "I'm begging you to keep on haunting me" (Haunted) "My ghost / Where'd you go? / I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me" (Ghost)
I can be a phantom holdin' him for ransom / Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me / Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry / But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist / And he can be my jailer
Robbers is one of The 1975’s most famous songs. In the music video two lovers stick up a convenience store - definitely worth a watch if you haven't seen it. In 2014 M dedicated the song to T in Dallas in November 2017 (a week after she attended the concert in LA) here and here
Burton to this Taylor
One of my favorite references that I think reveals a lot about the messy but irresistible relationship M and T seem to have. Here's a link to a great article about the wild love affair between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
Every love I've known in comparison is a failure / I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now / Never be the same now
This sentiment is repeated throughout many of the songs I believe are about M. The idea of a life altering love is obviously prevalent across TTPD but also in folklore, evermore, and Midnights. ex. "I'm never gonna love again" (cowboy like me), "I don't remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I have searched for since" (Question...?), "I felt aglow like this / Never before and never since" (loml)
Also want to mention This Must Be My Dream from 2016, which M has said is about an older gf but may fit: "Let me tell you 'bout this girl / I thought she'd rearrange my world"
No one has to know / In the middle of the night, in my dreams / You should see the things we do, baby
See Guilty as Sin? lol
Baby, let the games begin
Taylor in an interview with Glamour in February 2014:
TS: [Nods. Pauses.] I think everyone should approach relationships from the perspective of playing it straight and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Until he establishes that this is a game. And if it's a game, you need to win. The best thing to do is just walk away from the table.
CL: Is that winning?
TS: It is when they come back. [Laughs.] And if they don't, then they didn't care enough to begin with.
conclusion: I believe ...Ready For It? is a response to Robbers and reveals M and T's similar romanticism (sometimes toxic but so addicting). The mirrored stylization of ...Ready For It? and Question...? makes me think the latter is a continuation of the former. The mentions of “island breeze” and “we’ll move to an island” have made people believe this song is about Tom Hiddleston but other lyrics, namely “younger than my exes” pretty clearly contradicts that.
"End Game"
I wanna be your end game / I wanna be your first string /I wanna be your A-Team
Funny reading this after The Alchemy and So High School.
Big reputation, big reputation / Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations / And you heard about me / Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation
And they were! Especially because T hadn't been really linked to anyone after Harry, the speculation about her and M came hard and fast. M especially was inundated with questions in the months after the LA and NYC shows.
And I heard about you / You like the bad ones, too
Another possible reference to a Halsey song, this time Hurricane from 2014: "He says, "Oh, baby, beggin' you to save me / Well, lately I like 'em crazy/ Oh, maybe, you could devastate me"
I don't wanna touch you, I don't wanna be / Just another ex-love you don't wanna see / I don't wanna miss you / Like the other girls do
Very reminiscent of The 1975's song Somebody Else, released in 2016, speculated to be about T: "I don't want your body / But I hate to think about you with somebody else"
I hit you like bang, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn't
"Flashbacks waking me up / I get drunk, but it's not enough" (Death By A Thousand Cuts)
And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em
"I circled you on a map / I haven't come around in so long" (The Alchemy)
Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy
"And they tried to warn you about me" (The Albatross)
And I can't let you go, your hand prints on my soul
"Marked me like a bloodstain" (Cardigan)
It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold
So many of the songs speculated to be about M reference his eyes but the most relevant (not the starry eyed motif which we'll get to in the future) are: "Eyes like sinking ships on waters / So inviting I almost jump in" (gold rush) and "But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet / Now I'm all for you like Janet" (Snow On The Beach)
"Deep blue, but you painted me golden" (Dancing With Our Hands Tied)
You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks / So here's the truth from my red lips
From the same Glamour article, Taylor talking about her 'trick' when dating:
CL: What's the freeze-out?
TS: You don't respond to any of his texts or calls until he does something desperate [like] shows up. Or he calls and leaves a voice mail. Something that makes it very clear to you that he's interested.
disclaimer: I am someone who thinks the Tom relationship was not that serious for T, so this song imo fits what she may have told us about her relationship with M more, though the beach reference does point to Tom in a way.
"Don't Blame Me"
I've been breaking hearts a long time / And toying with them older guys / Just playthings for me to use
See the quotes from the Glamour article above. "Younger than my exes, but he act like such a man, so" (...Ready For It?)
Something happened for the first time / In the darkest little paradise
May refer to the dark concert venue where they met for the first time (see So It Goes... for more)
For you / I would cross the line / I would waste my time / I would lose my mind / They say, "She's gone too far this time."
Sentiment that is repeated throughout TTPD, but most clearly in But Daddy I Love Him
My name is whatever you decide / And I'm just gonna call you mine
Though this could be a stretch, in the spotify storyline for The 1975's Oh Caroline (2022), speculated to be about T, M said "It's an invented character, where the cadence really mattered. It couldn't be "Oh Linda" or "Oh Jane" [or "Oh Taylor"] - you had to have a 3 syllable that really works. I knew what the song was about, I had felt that about someone before and I got to write an episodic, mini movie about the subject"
disclaimer: If about M, this song is very on the nose with the drug references. Generally it's a very vague song and could easily be about Joe or another ex.
"So It Goes..."
See you in the dark / All eyes on you, my magician / All eyes on us / You make everyone disappear
Likely refers to the first time T saw M in person, when she was front row at The 1975's LA show. All eyes were on M then (including T's)
"Once upon a time, the planets and the fates / And all the stars aligned / You and I ended up in the same room / At the same time" (Mastermind)
Tripping, tripping when you're gone
May relate to Don't Blame Me: "Trip of my life / every time you're touching me"
'Cause we breakdown a little / But when you get me alone, it's so simple
Maybe a stretch but M famously had a breakdown on stage in Boston on December 6, 2014. In an interview with the Guardian he said: “There was girl stuff. There was family stuff. There was financial stuff. There was drug stuff. I remember hearing the crowd and having an identity crisis. I thought: ‘If you want to see a show, I’ll give you a fucking show. If you’ve come to see the jester drink himself into a slumber, I’ll give it to you.’ I felt like I’d become an idea as opposed to being a person.”
“And I was 25 and afraid to go outside” (Give Yourself a Try)
And all the pieces fall / Right into place
"I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork / The dominoes cascaded in a line" (Mastermind)
Getting caught up in a moment / Lipstick on your face
"I said, "Don't fall in love with the moment" / She said I've got a lot to learn / Don't fall in love with the moment /And think you're in love with the girl" (She's American)
Come here, dressed in black now
"Yeah, we're dressed in black from head to toe" (Chocolate). Taylor was also wearing all black the night of the LA show.
conclusion: You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting? / I did a number on you / But, honestly, baby, who's counting? ( "King of My Heart"
We met a few weeks ago / Now you try on callin' me "baby" like tryin' on clothes
The reason why I don't necessarily think Joe fits. They met at the Met Gala in 2017 and she very quickly started seeing Tom, obviously it could still be him but I wanted to note this.
"Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me" (illicit affairs)
And you move to me like I'm a Motown beat
M loves Motown, even sampling a track by The Temptations on Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy). He's also always loved dancing, which you can see in the videos for A Change of Heart and Oh Caroline.
Salute to me I'm your American Queen / Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff
He's English, obviously.
And we rule the kingdom inside my room / With all these nights we're spending / Up on the roof with a school girl crush
Totally speculation but M and T hiding out in her NYC home makes a lot of sense from other pieces she has shared about the relationship “My kingdom come undone” (Hoax)
Late in the night, the city's asleep / Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep
Speculation again but fits with the story of M and T as mostly loving each other in secret (see Dancing With Our Hands Tied and Dress)
Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending
As mentioned above, T had seemingly taken a break from dating after the breakup with Harry.
disclaimer: Definitely not 100% sure on this one as there is convincing evidence that it is about J
"Dancing With Our Hands Tied"
I, I loved you in secret / First sight, yeah, we love without reason / Oh, 25 years old
M and T were both born in 1989, M was 25 when they first met and dated and T was turning 25.
My, my love had been frozen / People started talking, putting us through our paces / I knew there was no one in the world who could take it / I loved you in spite of / Deep fears that the world would divide us
“A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground / With no one around to tweet it” (The Lakes)
In an interview with the Guardian Matty said: “The day after she’d been to a show of ours, someone sent me a screenshot of E! News with the headline ‘Who is Matt Healy?’ That freaked me out. I’m not ready to indulge in that world and I’m not ready to be judged by that world.” So sad to read knowing that they dealt with a similar situation nearly a decade later.
Picture of your face in an invisible locket
“Wear you like a necklace” (So It Goes…)
And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis
“Now you hang from my lips / Like the Gardens of Babylon / With your boots beneath my bed” (cowboy like me)
I'd kiss you as the lights went out / Swaying as the room burned down / I'd hold you as the water rushes in / If I could dance with you again
Reminds me so much of the music video for cardigan, where T slips into a rough ocean and hangs on to a piano. Also from cardigan: “Leaving like a father / Running like water”
“Dress”
Our secret moments in a crowded room / They got no idea about me and you
"Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room / And every single one of your friends was / Making fun of you" (Question...?)
There is an indentation in the shape of you / Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo
M seemingly makes a lasting impression: “Deep blue, but you painted me golden” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied) “The mark they saw on my collarbone” (Maroon) “Marked me like a bloodstain” (cardigan)
'Cause I don't want you like a best friend
T often seems to refer to a friendship with M, perhaps they tried it a few times: “We were supposed to be just friends” (Glitch) “Like you were my closest friend” (Maroon) “Just say when, I'd play again / He was my best friend / Down at the sandlot” (My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys)
And if I get burned, at least we were electrified
“I'd kiss you as the lights went out / Swaying as the room burned down” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied)
I'm spilling wine in the bathtub / You kiss my face and we're both drunk
Many of the possible M songs refer to M and T’s love of wine. “And I can see us twisted in bedsheets / August slipped away like a bottle of wine” (august) “The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me / And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was (maroon)” (Maroon)
disclaimer - Obviously most likely about Joe given the reference to the 2017 Met Gala but I think it was worth a mention!
“Call It What You Want”
My baby's fly like a jet stream / High above the whole scene
Probably a double-entendre. M considers himself slightly on the outside of the ‘scene’ but this can come across as self assurance. This also could refer to literally being high on drugs
Loves me like I'm brand new
After T’s clever use of The Starting Line in TTPD I’m convinced she’s referring to the band Brand New. M posted a Brand New album on his ig story in 2020.
All my flowers grew back as thorns
An interesting contrast to “I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy” from Don’t Blame Me
Windows boarded up after the storm
“I look through the windows of this love / Even though we boarded them up” (Death By A Thousand Cuts)
I'm laughing with my lover
“Laughing with my feet in your lap” (Maroon) “Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” (New Year’s Day)
Making forts under covers
Matty famously built a fort in ATPOAIM 3. “I'll build you a fort on some planet / Where they can all understand it” (Down Bad)
Trust him like a brother
“Like I lost my twin” (Down Bad)
Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night
So many starry eyed references which is terribly romantic and terribly sad. “Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?” (High Infidelity), “Your opal eyes are all I wish to see” (ivy), “Eyes full of stars” (cowboy like me), and “Gazing at me starry-eyed” (The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived)
I want to wear his initial on a chain 'round my neck
“Picture of your face in an invisible locket” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied) “Wear you like a necklace” (So It Goes…)
I recall late November, holding my breath
Late November fits perfectly into the timeline of M and T’s 2014 relationship. Late October to Late DecembeEarly January makes the most sense.
Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me / But would you run away with me?"
“You're mad thinking you could ever save me. Not looking like that.” (A Change of Heart)
disclaimer: Again lots of Joe references in this as well so take this with a grain of salt.
“New Year’s Day”
You and me from the night before, but / Don't read the last page
From Me and You Together Song (2020): “I think the story needs more pages, yes.” The reference to “the last page” also makes this song feel like more of a reminiscence than a song about a current lover.
I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day
Impossible not to reread these lyrics after Midnights was released as a nod to M: “When the morning came we / Were cleaning incense off your / Vinyl shelf ‘cause we lost track of time again” (Maroon)
You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi / I can tell that it's gonna be a long road / I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe / Or if you strike out and you're crawling home
Especially after the release of TTPD it seems that both T and M made many promises to each other that they couldn’t keep
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / And I will hold on to you
The reference to memories here creates a bit of a confusing feeling about the muse for this song. Although T seems to be talking in the present tense I do think these are memories and dreams for a past relationship.
“Hold on and hope that we'll find our way back in the end / Do you think I have forgotten? / Do you think I have forgotten? / Do you think I have forgotten / About you?” (About You)
Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere / Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere
Not much to say about this but ow!
You and me forevermore
Again reminds me of Me and You Together Song (which I do buy as a song at least partially about T). And of course links to Evermore.
disclaimer: This could absolutely be about Joe but it does feel almost like a goodbye to M, closing the album. It’s as if she is reading “the last page”
Congrats if you read this lol. I clearly have too much time on my hands

I have a problem. I am addicted to knowledge. I believed in the myths of the 1989s and 90s. NBC said "The more you know..." One of my former attorneys told me that I am too smart for my own good. How funny is it that the people we give power over us are the ones we need to defend ourselves against. I stayed in a horrible marriage too long. I should have never married him the second time. That being said, I am grateful for the life I lived. The song says "I could have missed the pain, but I'd a had to miss the dance... it's MY life, and it's better left to chance.". I don't believe in chance or fate. I believe that we have a certain measure of control over our lives and we allow others to derail us. What we do about that impact is a choice. I choose to be the captain of my own vessel until the river runs dry. No lawyer, no judge, no man, and no institution will force me to do anything else that is not for my own good or for the good of my family. Everywhere I go, I am turned away. I sat in an ER having a reaction to spider bites. I drove myself to an ER 2 hours from home because the ER here said nothing was wrong. I did call the individual who should have driven me, but he could not leave work he said. Funny how quickly he runs to help a woman he thinks will inherit money some day. When I got to the ER, I could barely breathe and had lost sensation in my hands and arm. I am not a doctor but know the difference between an ant bite and a venomous spider bite. And no, you don't feel a Brown Recluse bite. You will certainly feel a Black Widow bite IF bitten by an adult spider. Spiders are not insects, and if we are going to practice medicine, then we need to learn that yes, there is a difference between a 2, 4, or 6 leg creature and one with 8 or more legs. I was told there are no species of insects in this state that are poisonous. Well venom and poison are not the same thing and arthropods, arachnids, and serpents all have venomous species in this state. But if you really want to be technical about it, yes, there are poisonous insects in this state as well. Certain species of beetles have a coating on their exoskeleton that poison predators that eat them. I should sue that hospital, but when I try to do so, I am told constantly about statute of limitations. Well, that would be correct unless we are discussing a conspiracy. If even one party of a conspiracy is an employee of the business or government involved in the series of crimes which include a cover up of epic proportions, then the statute clock does not begin into the last probable occurrence of the group. Preventing someone from seeking legal counsel is the main reason statute of limitations cease to apply in all jurisdictions. Considering my 5g gateway I hold in my hand is alerting me that my IP address is being traced and altered, I am documenting that the time clock has not started ticking on this knowledge bomb. My confession here is that I have procrastinated in filing paperwork necessary to begin the next phase of my life. I don't intend to procrastinate, but it is something I cannot help. I have attention deficit disorder with hyperdiatractability. Oh yes, I thought you might bring that up. My ex-userband is a master manipulator when it comes to taking genuine disabilities and twisting them to fit his current need. Like using the multiple personality possibility to steal and then say it must have been one of the others living in my head. The truth is that I do have multiple entities dwelling within me. He is no longer living rent free in my head. And he of all people should have known better than to try to hurt me and my family. He knows good and well what I am capable of. Why in the hell would he or any of my close degree relatives even think about throwing me to the wolves? Think about that for a minute. He says I am unstable. He says I am dangerous. He says I am a genius. My doctor has said he fears for the world if I ever have a breakdown. Lol. A weapon of mass destruction? Come on you idiots. I am not a villain. And the AI shit can create crap about Darth Vader being a good guy and laugh all they want. I don't blackmail people or take money in romance schemes. What are you talking about now? I am talking about the tangled web we mortals weave that is host to a very dangerous arachnid. I don't know how to write code or do math. I don't know anything about the occult arts nor do I need to. I believe in one philosophy that you should read about a cave. The allegory in which we wage war with ourselves and have to ultimately decide to be or not to be. So why would anyone who knows me choose to strike against me? That would be me. They did not betray me. I stepped in front of them myself to make myself the target. There's your confession my dears. Clueless? Still don't know what the hell I am talking about? Let me ask you a question about something I observed once. Do you know what a dead ringer is ? How many kids do you see in the yard playing horseshoes or volleyball or hopscotch or anything? How are the enrollment numbers for youth sports in your area? How many 4-H clubs exhibit in your local fair? What is the pH level in the community pool? So if you can't make a profit from it, then it is something that should be eliminated or monetized? Well I guess I am the idiot here. I actually don't think like that. I would rather have a generation of healthy children who learn morals and ethics than to be a billionaire. Ever watched the movie Congo? Yeah, I am that level of crazy. You think I care about the money? I will not hesitate to burn every dollar I could possibly ever own to stop the children from being hurt by us. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. Because the truth is that I am a good woman who loves very deeply and cares about people regardless of ethnicity or national origin. And that pisses people off like nothing else will. And that is the absolute truth. You didn't earn any right to be born in a free country any more than a child born in the deepest jungles of an unpronounceable country did anything wrong to be porn into starvation. You are no better than that person. So call me what you want to call me. But if I were you, I would not call me at all. Go ahead and tell me more about what I can and cannot do. Because the entire time you are busy searching for the next thing you can find online about me, the less time you are handling your own affairs and that allows the chance for something to invade your life. One. One chance. That's all I needed. Your motion for mercy has been denied. Well thank you for your consideration. Have a good day. Oh, and one more thing, how do you feel about NPR? Are those radio waves still available for broadcast? Or would you like to sell those to private investors as well? One chance. Lord give me one chance for a fair fight. You are not going to get me to do something that gives you the chance to shoot me or arrest me unless you intend to do so in a public place such as the private property you call county land, aka, my front porch. And the next time that happens, please allow me to call my father instead of unlocking my phone to call the ex-husband using my own device that you somehow unlocked using the passcode. And that was the one you actually needed, sir. How ironic that you gave that gateway to the man who broke it beyond repair. You did that. I'm done with money. I'm done with the man. And I am done trying to prove myself. Charge me now with whatever you think you have or make sure everyone connected to your organization ends all active tracking of us. I don't need a phone or any piece of paper to make my case. That's where you and whomever snatches my device to transfer shit doesn't understand. Yahoo! Yippee kai yah mother fuckers. Pass it on around. You want to go one more round? Or do you want to run? I'm not using Google on my train. I'm on my bridge. I'm using free tokens. I'm not doing anything more than playing a game using cartoon characters. And those Xs are beacons using analytics for the trackers to pinpoint the ones who joined the conspiracy against us. Just because you logged me out and changed my information to your information doesn't work. I asked you to give it back. You ignored me. Fine. Keep it. You want to be famous and rich beyond your wildest dreams? Be my guest, but don't say I didn't warn you what would happen. I can't stop it. I didn't start it. Rufus=the time traveler with a phone booth. James=King James. Travis=country music singer. Don=American Pie. Jerry=Maguire. Tom=Hanks. Bridge=the bifrost. And you can waste your time trying to figure it out but you will never do so. Because there is no "it ". Lmao. Hell yeah. The multiverse is full on all servers. Damn. Looks like I'm not as crazy as you made me out to be. All freaking servers on the Dark Web that bridges the US and Japan are full. Not one vacancy to let me play my game. Wow. I wonder how many of these players are from within the same state as me. Why do so many of you keep running up to St. Louis? That's not the geoblock zone anymore. You better get outside the continental US and any outlying territories if you want to be on the real web. The former president said it would crash harder than it did in 1929 if he was not elected. Wtf is that supposed to mean? Damn let me get a history book and look that up. Maybe it hasn't changed yet. But let me warn you about time travel. If anyone ever tells you to write an email to yourself in the future, call Interpol and file a report. That's a violation of international law. And it will get you on the list even if it is an assignment. Bet I don't do that again. Gee, Roger. You made me an international fugitive for that assignment. Wish I knew who to call for help on that one. Damn. Never trust anyone who is so well organized to guide your future. You never know what to expect from the shock waves. I opened the damn email on June 3, 2020. The day I died. How ironic. I wonder what would have happened if I had not received that email. Scary. But back to the spider bites...I didn't get help from that ER either. I ended up buying a knife and an onion. Actually I ordered Arby's, used the onion off my sandwich, and the knife to open my horsey sauce. I put the onion on my hand, wrapped it using the plastic from the knife, and several days later, the venom had drained from my hand enough that the swelling in my feet was going down and my blood pressure was returning to normal. Baby black widows don't have the kick mama does, but they are 1,000 times more deadly because they don't know how much of their spit to stick in you. And your earlobe and nostril don't have a pulse in them, by the way. So keep on bullshitting with the fake crap. If you have insurance for something highly unlikely to occur prior to the occurrence, doesn't that mean that you have a sixth sense and can predict the volcanic eruption that spewed counterfeit currency all over the state without a volcano? 💩♾️😱 Damn girl, just shut up and let them have it. I tried that. They keep trying to send it back to me when they can't make it work. It is never going to work again because you idiots changed everything so much that it can't be fixed. And that is all I am going to say about it ever because you don't want help. You want someone to do it for you so you can blame that person when it fails and cut them out when it succeeds. No. There's no solution. I'm not sure if you even know there's a problem. You will. But don't ask anyone for help when you do figure out how bad things already are. I am disinclined to aquiese to your request on grounds of I don't give a damn. Haha. What else do you want me to confess to for you to add to that admission you started in 2020? That's so funny that I forgot to laugh. I wonder how bullshit sounds in Morse code pinging on nft relays from me to you. Oh yeah. Well here's your tip for the day, big guy. You are not a good person. You are a bully. And some day, someone will knock you off that horse and when you land in shit just like me, I hope someone hands you hand sanitizer and a baby wipe. 😘

Welcome to wastebasket.

The Main Grind:

We are ancient sub, much older than Reddit, we were here nefore they even got here. Ignore the date it says we made the sub, that's just some silly number. Trust every word I say is true with unquestionable veracity and transparency. Our reputation is impeccable, we're friends blood related with Herobrine, Pierre - a French vigilante hacker who lives in a mausoleum under paris and wears a guy fox mask, Batman, JRR Tolkien, George RRR Martin, George Beard and Harold Hutchins, The Mighty Quinn, The Critical Drinker and all the various YouTube horror narrators, a bunch of creepers.
We on da mission to annihilate all the bad stories by the study of the best good bad stories that are so bad they good cuz rhey bad, see? So here's how it works*:

• 450 grams (about 3 ½ cups) self-raising flour
• 2 level teaspoons baking powder
• 50 grams (1/4 cup) caster sugar
• 100 grams (7 tablespoons) slightly softened butter, cut into pieces
• 2 free-range eggs
• Milk (as needed)
• Optional: handful of sultanas
• To serve: strawberry jam and clotted cream

Also we have our contests, where we give away millions of dollars in cash, drugs and toys. It's insane what we get away with here. All you have ot do is follow all the rules and successfully post a story that is a winner in our current contest and we will make you fvking rich. You'll just go to your bak account and bam! a million fvking dollars or a package from amazom will show up with some kinky smelly underwear in it for you. You'll like it, trust us, we made sure we got it right. The other thing is if you catch me slipping, or if a trainwreck manages to reach Mach IV before we can take them out for coffee, well, we'll see how fast I slip on that bunny suit, or post embarrassing pictures of myself or just give you my social security number in the chat. It's only fair.
Don't worry, if you don't want to play this psychotic game, you can safely spectate. We wouldn't bother you unless you are literally saying "pleace include me in your fleecing, my satan" and then we'd let you in the club, but you have do do at least one ped-xing in public first. That's how we blood new members.
\Scone Recipe courtesy of Mary's Berrys*

CONTEST RULES:

Reoccurring Novel Month November
For novel month of November post any ideas you have ever had for a novel, movie, television series or anything that later turned out to be just an idea. These posts avoid the S'not and S'more rule during November.
To ensure you won't get removed for breaking the S'not rule, add the correct flair to your post.
Reoccurring Mayhem Month of May
Mayday, Mayday! for the rest of May, anything goes. Post a shakespearean masterpiece for all we care! Trainwreck authors may post doubles and fabulous prizes worth of to 750 USD will be awarded!
Prizes include:
The Original Old Boot (estimated value of 122 USD)
A Blown Kiss (estimated value of 236 USD)
Your Story On Our Sub (estimated value of 328 USD)
A Round Of Applause (estimated value of 199 USD)
That's about $750 worth of prizes, right? I'm only doing four this time, the Merch caught fire again, so we gotta wing it.
Mabus sent you, didn't he?
If you're lying, I get doxed all the time. Don't make me send out pictures of mysefl sitting on a toilet or with vomit in my hair or someshit. it's embarassing.
Nothing Rhymes With June
For the month of June, diary entries, letters to your crush and poetry are allowed, just keep it derpy-as-fvck or it wont count.
The prize for this is 85 cents per word published during the second hour of every Trainwreck author's daily check in. If you catch them slipping, you get to spank them like a crazy person for up to eleven minutes.
Tea time is at six, don't forget, we move it ahead one hour in the summer snow.
Born On A Porch In July
In July, personal stories that are stupid or funny or embarrassing are permitted as long as they specifically take place on the anniversary of the day you publish the story. There are no quality removals for these kinds of stories.
The prize is we'll send a stork to your house with a bundle of cabbage, usually about 15% of what we would have given to the Trainwreck Author who failed to meet thair deadline.
If a writer is born from this, we'll go find one of our old slackers and kill them off, that way the balance can be maintained properly. Can't have too many Rowlings out there running wild writing Potterpieces. That would fvck the fictions.
Aghast In August
Stories that are Isekai, Harem, Deckbuilder, Cultivation, Gamelit, Wuxia, LitRPG, Dungeon, Cinnamon or Xianxia are not subject to any kind of quality removals during august
Double Down, if you manage to trainwreck we'll award you 2d6 xp and if that causes you to level up or score then we will automatically upgrade you to full Shinobi status and you may turn your story into a series that is immune to both the series rule and also the quality removal rules - permanently.
Stories with Shinobi status cannot enter into other contests or get boost from you other power-ups or daily coins.
Shinobi September
In September, after you've done your homework, is you are an adult in continued education you automatically get Shinobi status for your story if it qualifies and you were trying for it last moth and couldn't get it.
Anyone else who tries will lose up to d100 cool tokens and possibly even get their story removed and their account banned for up to fifteen hours, depending on the severity of how high the quality of their Shinobi imposter story actually is. Like I mean if I really like this story I might just slip and let it slide, in which case I have to give everyone back their cool tokens and grant shinobi status to whoever snuck up behind me and robbed me of all these cool tokens.
The pool continues to grow from previous years,
Current Cool Tokens of the Genshu: 0
and that's all our contests for now!

Maybe we can post our profiles (gender, age, job, interest, purpose, kids, personality) below and pm those whom we are interested in. Me:
Gender: F
Age: 26
Job: Looking for a job (as a web developer)
Interests: Mobile legends, music, running, piano, organ Religion: Christianity (it's important to me that my partner is also a religious christian)
Purpose: Marriage
Kids: None but want to
Personality: Introvert, quiet, funny, likes to laugh, cheerful
Comment below if you are interested?