Subliminal messages to boyfriend
Subliminal
2012.10.04 13:31 InfamousBacon Subliminal
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2019.12.07 03:28 Jmcjj123 Subliminalmarketing
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2015.02.12 11:50 Fernet_Bran-k Unsettling videos
For those videos that are not actually scary, but are creepy anyway.
2024.05.14 13:18 crmc04 Thoughts on this?
I found out my boyfriend of 10 years was talking to another girl.
The chat wasn't on the snapchat feed as it was deleted from the feed. I found out about it when I was using his snapchat to send a snap and a name called "AV" is on the bestfriends list. I didn't recognise who it is, so I looked it up and found the name and the chat! He changed her name on Snapchat to initials so that I wouldn't recognise right away that it is a girl.
In our 10 years together I have never heard of that woman before. When I confronted him and asked who is she , he said "Just my uni mate". I knew he was lying. He said I am overthinking. I researched the whole night and found out the girl is definitely not from the same university he went to and is definitely a lot younger than him.
I confronted him again and asked questions. It is clear from the chat there had been messages that had been deleted. I found out they both follow each other on instagram and on the same month, they became friends on Snapchat. Take note, my bf barely use Snapchat and only had family and close friends on it. So it is unusual for him to have a stranger on snapchat.
He said the girl added him on Snapchat and he accepted it. I asked why would he accept a stranger. He said because he wanted to just 'have a conversation'. It is clear that he knew who the girl (her looks) from instagram so he accepted the snapchat.
He said he didn't delete any of the messages, it was automatically deleted and the ones I could see are messages she saved. One of the message says, "funny night? I'm all ears.. lets hear it". The fact that he's never met this girl before and only knew of her from instagram, I asked why does he seem close to her? Why is she so open to him about what is happening in her life? I view the messages as flirting. He said it is not flirting. I asked him to download the chat history on Snapchat the ones that had been deleted if it was just a normal conversation. He said if I think the message I could see is already flirting. Then, I would view the others as worst. So he refused to download the chat data.
He said she only messaged asking about travel advice as my bf photos on instagram looked like he travels a lot. I then asked why would she not message on instagram? Why does she need to add him on Snapchat to ask these questions. This is when he admitted that she did message him on instagram, but again he deleted the message. He keep insisting he is just having a normal conversation but I questioned if it was normal, why would he delete it? He said because he knew how I would react to it.
His reason for having a conversation with another woman is because we don't have conversations and that he felt lonely. For info, we live together in the same house for more than 2 years, but I am only finding out about how he feels because he's never open up to me.
There are clearly contents in the messages that are flirtatious for him to delete the chat. He keep insisting it is just a normal conversation and he is not cheating at all.
Am I overreacting and overthinking? If your partner deletes the messages to hide it from you does it mean the exchange of messages gone over board? Would you call secret conversations as cheating?
FYI, the girl wouldn't know that he is in a relationship because in our 10 years together he's never posted a photo of me on his instagram or story, which I was fine with the whole time.
submitted by crmc04 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]
The chat wasn't on the snapchat feed as it was deleted from the feed. I found out about it when I was using his snapchat to send a snap and a name called "AV" is on the bestfriends list. I didn't recognise who it is, so I looked it up and found the name and the chat! He changed her name on Snapchat to initials so that I wouldn't recognise right away that it is a girl.
In our 10 years together I have never heard of that woman before. When I confronted him and asked who is she , he said "Just my uni mate". I knew he was lying. He said I am overthinking. I researched the whole night and found out the girl is definitely not from the same university he went to and is definitely a lot younger than him.
I confronted him again and asked questions. It is clear from the chat there had been messages that had been deleted. I found out they both follow each other on instagram and on the same month, they became friends on Snapchat. Take note, my bf barely use Snapchat and only had family and close friends on it. So it is unusual for him to have a stranger on snapchat.
He said the girl added him on Snapchat and he accepted it. I asked why would he accept a stranger. He said because he wanted to just 'have a conversation'. It is clear that he knew who the girl (her looks) from instagram so he accepted the snapchat.
He said he didn't delete any of the messages, it was automatically deleted and the ones I could see are messages she saved. One of the message says, "funny night? I'm all ears.. lets hear it". The fact that he's never met this girl before and only knew of her from instagram, I asked why does he seem close to her? Why is she so open to him about what is happening in her life? I view the messages as flirting. He said it is not flirting. I asked him to download the chat history on Snapchat the ones that had been deleted if it was just a normal conversation. He said if I think the message I could see is already flirting. Then, I would view the others as worst. So he refused to download the chat data.
He said she only messaged asking about travel advice as my bf photos on instagram looked like he travels a lot. I then asked why would she not message on instagram? Why does she need to add him on Snapchat to ask these questions. This is when he admitted that she did message him on instagram, but again he deleted the message. He keep insisting he is just having a normal conversation but I questioned if it was normal, why would he delete it? He said because he knew how I would react to it.
His reason for having a conversation with another woman is because we don't have conversations and that he felt lonely. For info, we live together in the same house for more than 2 years, but I am only finding out about how he feels because he's never open up to me.
There are clearly contents in the messages that are flirtatious for him to delete the chat. He keep insisting it is just a normal conversation and he is not cheating at all.
Am I overreacting and overthinking? If your partner deletes the messages to hide it from you does it mean the exchange of messages gone over board? Would you call secret conversations as cheating?
FYI, the girl wouldn't know that he is in a relationship because in our 10 years together he's never posted a photo of me on his instagram or story, which I was fine with the whole time.
2024.05.14 13:05 Lucky-Pressure198 My girlfriends best friend doesnt know his boundaries as a friend. Am I wrong to think he night like her?
I ‘M26’ have been in a loving relationship with my girlfriend ‘F25’ for one and a half years. Shes a nurse and her best friend ‘M25’ is a Doctor at the same hospital. She has known him for about 4 months now and they have gotten really close now… bff type. Now I have met the guy and hung out with him a few times, he is really sweet and nice and does have good intentions with my girlfriend… the only problem is he overdoes things to the extent where I feel like he may have feelings for her but masks it as just being friends.
Extra details about things he does: 1. He has recently started dropping her home every day and I think that is great but he goes out of his way to do it - his house is in the opposite direction of my girlfriend, sometimes when he is at another health center (located about 20 mins away ) he will still be at the hospital in time to drop her home. 2. He calls her baby and babe but will occasionally switch to bro also. 3. Whenever my girlfriend mentions something she likes such as a certain type of car or a house in a certain location or generally anything about her future he responds with ‘don’t worry we’ll get it in the future’ or ‘we’ll have it in the future’ emphasis on his use of ‘We’ 4. My girlfriend has plans to move abroad in the not so distant future and so do I (I before her) and so does her best friend and whenever she mentions that it may be hard to cope in a new country his response is ‘dont worry I’ll be there with you’. He does know I will be moving abroad also and its not the fact that hes saying that - that is fine, its the fact that hes not saying ‘ don’t worry we will be there for you’ as in Me and him. 4. He never does anything out of the ordinary when we are all together, sometimes he wont even make eye contact with her, and he absolutely does not use babe and baby in front of me. 5. He does things anyway even when my girlfriend says not to - like when she does not want food he still buys it, she wanted a special type of hot water bottle so she had asked him to check in another city when he was visiting but we had gotten it by then and she asked him to not get it - he still got it. 6. My girlfriend recently got really into Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch) so he got her a plushie, a key tag and specially ordered a figurine all in the span of a week. (This makes my girlfriend feel like I dont pay attention to her, when in fact I did but was short on money so ordered her a stitch printed bottle and keytag later - he just beat me to it ) 7. He screenshots all my girlfriends stories especially with things she likes or might like.(my girlfriend accidentally saw them)
These are just some things has done, which my girlfriend has told me herself because she also doesn’t like the fact that he does it things extra extra, she has told him several times to just tone it down a little but he always says ‘you’re just a friend to me’ ‘i think of you as family’ ‘I dont like you like that’ My girlfriend has been clear with him from the start that they are just friends.
I know this has been a long read but please bear with me with this last thing… about two months into their friendship one day randomly he had sent her a message that said ‘ what if I said I liked you’ To which my girlfriend had said I am happy with my boyfriend and have no interest in pursuing anything romantic with you. We were all chill from there because she was clear from her side.
I dont have any problems with him otherwise and when I try to talk to him about these things he just says hes being a good friend and I feel like I am thinking too much about something that might not be there and he really is a good friend and then I feel bad.
But then I think about the future and get anxious like what if my girlfriend wants something and he beats me to it, even though she doesnt directly tell him.
Please advise, I dont want to cut him out of my girlfriends life because he is a good friend however he doesn’t know where to draw the line.
Tl;dr My girlfriends best friend does things overally extra which makes me think he might like her but always says he doesn’t feel that way for her and I feel guilty because he is a good friend to her and might just be overthinking this.
submitted by Lucky-Pressure198 to relationships [link] [comments]
Extra details about things he does: 1. He has recently started dropping her home every day and I think that is great but he goes out of his way to do it - his house is in the opposite direction of my girlfriend, sometimes when he is at another health center (located about 20 mins away ) he will still be at the hospital in time to drop her home. 2. He calls her baby and babe but will occasionally switch to bro also. 3. Whenever my girlfriend mentions something she likes such as a certain type of car or a house in a certain location or generally anything about her future he responds with ‘don’t worry we’ll get it in the future’ or ‘we’ll have it in the future’ emphasis on his use of ‘We’ 4. My girlfriend has plans to move abroad in the not so distant future and so do I (I before her) and so does her best friend and whenever she mentions that it may be hard to cope in a new country his response is ‘dont worry I’ll be there with you’. He does know I will be moving abroad also and its not the fact that hes saying that - that is fine, its the fact that hes not saying ‘ don’t worry we will be there for you’ as in Me and him. 4. He never does anything out of the ordinary when we are all together, sometimes he wont even make eye contact with her, and he absolutely does not use babe and baby in front of me. 5. He does things anyway even when my girlfriend says not to - like when she does not want food he still buys it, she wanted a special type of hot water bottle so she had asked him to check in another city when he was visiting but we had gotten it by then and she asked him to not get it - he still got it. 6. My girlfriend recently got really into Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch) so he got her a plushie, a key tag and specially ordered a figurine all in the span of a week. (This makes my girlfriend feel like I dont pay attention to her, when in fact I did but was short on money so ordered her a stitch printed bottle and keytag later - he just beat me to it ) 7. He screenshots all my girlfriends stories especially with things she likes or might like.(my girlfriend accidentally saw them)
These are just some things has done, which my girlfriend has told me herself because she also doesn’t like the fact that he does it things extra extra, she has told him several times to just tone it down a little but he always says ‘you’re just a friend to me’ ‘i think of you as family’ ‘I dont like you like that’ My girlfriend has been clear with him from the start that they are just friends.
I know this has been a long read but please bear with me with this last thing… about two months into their friendship one day randomly he had sent her a message that said ‘ what if I said I liked you’ To which my girlfriend had said I am happy with my boyfriend and have no interest in pursuing anything romantic with you. We were all chill from there because she was clear from her side.
I dont have any problems with him otherwise and when I try to talk to him about these things he just says hes being a good friend and I feel like I am thinking too much about something that might not be there and he really is a good friend and then I feel bad.
But then I think about the future and get anxious like what if my girlfriend wants something and he beats me to it, even though she doesnt directly tell him.
Please advise, I dont want to cut him out of my girlfriends life because he is a good friend however he doesn’t know where to draw the line.
Tl;dr My girlfriends best friend does things overally extra which makes me think he might like her but always says he doesn’t feel that way for her and I feel guilty because he is a good friend to her and might just be overthinking this.
2024.05.14 13:01 ImM3llow 26 [M4F] East Coast / Anywhere. I just got diagnosed as your boyfriend. Yeah no they said it's terminal we have to stay together forever until i die🤷♂️
Edit: DO NOT message me a simple hi or hello, with no information about you, Put some effort in to your message like i have, come on. Day+Attempt#187
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)
submitted by ImM3llow to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)
2024.05.14 12:53 Low-Platypus-8051 I screwed up big time. I cheated.
I’m sorry for the length. I don’t know which subreddit would be appropriate for this.
I’m M/28 and I spent my early 20s recklessly trying to pick up women. I would hit up women I knew, friends of friends, old HS friends just trying to pick them up. Fake a friendship to fuck. Idk why but im almost always horny. Ive numbed my life with weed for past decade. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and friend.
At 20 I went on a date with a girl F/18. It was a bad date and later we talked and laughed a little so I told her I liked her. She said she liked me too but she had to go. I asked if I could get a kiss goodbye and she said sorry have to go to. I should’ve just left but I pretty much begged and kissed her on the cheek goodbye. I would occasionally message her afterwards and we would have little conversations but nothing else. I kept this up for like 4 years hoping something could happen despite her telling me she wasn’t interested. It was so selfish of me to just disregard that. Why the fuck wasn’t this processing then.
At 20, I had a thing with a girl F/19 who I was in love with. I wanted to marry her and I’ve known her for years at that point. Everything was fine and normal but I never made a move. When an opportunity for real love and sex that I wanted so bad was on the table, I folded with fear. I made it awkward by getting silent and just low energy. Very boring person. However I had it stuck in my head that we still liked each other. We were sitting in a car after talking for an hour and I put my hand on her thigh and she jumped and said oh no where I took my hand away and asked should I drive you home and she said yes. I drove her home and dropped her off. We were cordial after but never the same. Stopped talking to her at 25 of pretty much one way conversations couple times a year
At 22, I got lucky enough to get a girlfriend F/19. I actually currently date her today. This is where I feel worst because I’ve had another serious gf during my teens where i was so dependent and into her that after 3 years at the age of 18 she dumped me. We stopped talking at 20 and never communicated since. that relationship felt raw and really emotional. My current relationship feels more mature. We talk problems out and genuinely help each other build. I am breaking all this by being a fucking sleaze bag. I have cheated on her twice with meaningless relationships at 23 and 25. I completely used those women for sex and I wasted their time. They never knew of each other and relationship usually ended by me being distant. Those relationships lasted month.
Ever since the last cheating at 25, I haven’t done anything but damage is done. Even at 23 I was an idiot and screenshotted a photo of an acquaintance because it was scandalous pic. My old friends have that screenshot notification. I constantly make these horrible decisions and although 26 and 27 have been more mature, I’ve done so much stupid shit in my early 20s that I don’t how I could ever redeem myself or right my wrongs or just feel good about myself again.
My first step has to be to come clean to my girlfriend and let her make the decision if she wants to be with me or not. I have no idea what to say. I’m fucking scared, I’m a bitch but I can’t ruin her life by being with me.
Is it ever possible to feel good about myself again? I have two groups of friends, one is close still and the other has rejected me completely because of my behavior. I actually used to be in a team with them. Some of us would make music together. They have thrown subtle shots for couple years about releasing music about me. I’m fearful they want to publicly shame me. Post that screenshot notification on Instagram. Although I’m a mess, I wouldn’t call myself a predator. I fear they’ll call me this or worse on Instagram with my family and friends there. I can’t even act like I don’t deserve it. But I don’t want my life to be ruined
If you read all of that, what should I do?
submitted by Low-Platypus-8051 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I’m M/28 and I spent my early 20s recklessly trying to pick up women. I would hit up women I knew, friends of friends, old HS friends just trying to pick them up. Fake a friendship to fuck. Idk why but im almost always horny. Ive numbed my life with weed for past decade. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and friend.
At 20 I went on a date with a girl F/18. It was a bad date and later we talked and laughed a little so I told her I liked her. She said she liked me too but she had to go. I asked if I could get a kiss goodbye and she said sorry have to go to. I should’ve just left but I pretty much begged and kissed her on the cheek goodbye. I would occasionally message her afterwards and we would have little conversations but nothing else. I kept this up for like 4 years hoping something could happen despite her telling me she wasn’t interested. It was so selfish of me to just disregard that. Why the fuck wasn’t this processing then.
At 20, I had a thing with a girl F/19 who I was in love with. I wanted to marry her and I’ve known her for years at that point. Everything was fine and normal but I never made a move. When an opportunity for real love and sex that I wanted so bad was on the table, I folded with fear. I made it awkward by getting silent and just low energy. Very boring person. However I had it stuck in my head that we still liked each other. We were sitting in a car after talking for an hour and I put my hand on her thigh and she jumped and said oh no where I took my hand away and asked should I drive you home and she said yes. I drove her home and dropped her off. We were cordial after but never the same. Stopped talking to her at 25 of pretty much one way conversations couple times a year
At 22, I got lucky enough to get a girlfriend F/19. I actually currently date her today. This is where I feel worst because I’ve had another serious gf during my teens where i was so dependent and into her that after 3 years at the age of 18 she dumped me. We stopped talking at 20 and never communicated since. that relationship felt raw and really emotional. My current relationship feels more mature. We talk problems out and genuinely help each other build. I am breaking all this by being a fucking sleaze bag. I have cheated on her twice with meaningless relationships at 23 and 25. I completely used those women for sex and I wasted their time. They never knew of each other and relationship usually ended by me being distant. Those relationships lasted month.
Ever since the last cheating at 25, I haven’t done anything but damage is done. Even at 23 I was an idiot and screenshotted a photo of an acquaintance because it was scandalous pic. My old friends have that screenshot notification. I constantly make these horrible decisions and although 26 and 27 have been more mature, I’ve done so much stupid shit in my early 20s that I don’t how I could ever redeem myself or right my wrongs or just feel good about myself again.
My first step has to be to come clean to my girlfriend and let her make the decision if she wants to be with me or not. I have no idea what to say. I’m fucking scared, I’m a bitch but I can’t ruin her life by being with me.
Is it ever possible to feel good about myself again? I have two groups of friends, one is close still and the other has rejected me completely because of my behavior. I actually used to be in a team with them. Some of us would make music together. They have thrown subtle shots for couple years about releasing music about me. I’m fearful they want to publicly shame me. Post that screenshot notification on Instagram. Although I’m a mess, I wouldn’t call myself a predator. I fear they’ll call me this or worse on Instagram with my family and friends there. I can’t even act like I don’t deserve it. But I don’t want my life to be ruined
If you read all of that, what should I do?
2024.05.14 12:50 theashtraygirl27 I'm just looking for advice. Am I (20F) wrong for having a reaction every time my bf (19M) is doing something I told him will hurt me or upset me?
Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.
submitted by theashtraygirl27 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.
2024.05.14 12:49 Advanced-Cat-4425 Is it strange that my (25F) boyfriend (28M) won’t let me touch him anymore?
My boyfriend (28M) and I (25F) have been together for 3 years and we really do love each other. However recently, I reached over and touched his ass and he rolled over on to his back. I thought nothing of it at the time and just assumed he wanted to change positions. fast forward to another day - I decided to get a little frisky and begin rubbing his crotch. He grabs my hand and moves it away without a word… The following day, I message to ask what was wrong and if I had done something to upset him. He said no, and that it wasn’t a big deal and he probably just wasn’t in the mood. Okay.
A week later we are hanging out and he reaches over to touch my boob, stops himself, and then says never mind and goes back to what he was doing. When questioned he said he didn’t want to bother me and it’s fine. I again ask if something is wrong because not only does he not want me touching him…but now he doesn’t even want to touch me. He replied and said that I’m being dramatic and overreacting…
I’m really not sure what to do or think anymore. Do I trust that there’s nothing wrong or do I continue to push the issue ? I’m worried about coming across as paranoid and an over thinker.
submitted by Advanced-Cat-4425 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
A week later we are hanging out and he reaches over to touch my boob, stops himself, and then says never mind and goes back to what he was doing. When questioned he said he didn’t want to bother me and it’s fine. I again ask if something is wrong because not only does he not want me touching him…but now he doesn’t even want to touch me. He replied and said that I’m being dramatic and overreacting…
I’m really not sure what to do or think anymore. Do I trust that there’s nothing wrong or do I continue to push the issue ? I’m worried about coming across as paranoid and an over thinker.
2024.05.14 12:45 theashtraygirl27 I just need any advice on this sinking ship he's calling relationship.
Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.
submitted by theashtraygirl27 to relationships [link] [comments]
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.
2024.05.14 12:44 Bubbly-Emu95 Ex boyfriend (30M) wants an abortion, I (28F) want to keep the baby but I am scared to raise the baby on my own
I am currently 6 weeks pregnant with my ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. We spent the last 2 years having sex almost everyday without contraceptives, as we were ready for any risks, we were not actively trying, but not actively preventing.
We decided to take a break due to arguments over the past month, and on our last day together, we had unprotective sex (we didn’t have sex for 3 weeks at that point). I took a test upon unusual symptoms and missed period, and discovered I am pregnant.
I informed him last week and I think he’s still in denial. He asked me to go for a scan to confirm so he can tell his parents and he has expressed that he doesn’t think it’s a good time for him, and I should get an abortion. He is not ready for fatherhood and doesn’t see that we can work things out in the future. I encouraged him to reconcile, not as a couple, but as civil adults to make communications easier in the following weeks or potentially years. He refused and told me I should talk to people for advice. I have spoke to my best friends and I don’t have a solution, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father figure but I also don’t want to have this kind of father in its life. I only had one sex partner my whole life so there is no possibility that he is not the father. I’m personally also not ready to raise the child as a single mother without support. If this pregnancy happened few months back, I would not have the same doubts I currently have. I considered abortion after the conversation with him but I don’t want to end my own child’s life because of our unresolved issues. My family don’t live in the same country as me, so I will not have day-to-day help. My friends are supportive but I don’t think it’s realistic for me to raise the baby without a partner. I have all sorts of concerns and I am not in the right headspace at the moment to be thinking clearly.
For context - I (28F) moved in to live with my boyfriend (30M) after 2 years of dating, we barely had any disagreements throughout the first 2 years, we were both in love, and decided that we were ready for our next stages in life so we moved in together. We were certain that we were compatible despite our differences in interests - we are very different people in the best ways, and grew to love and learn of each other’s character. Our lives are very intertwined, and our respective friend groups are very involved in our lives. We had a healthy lifestyle and socially active ever since we got together.
Fast forward to 2 months ago, we were discussing wedding plans. We previously agreed that we would move in together > get engaged > married > have children. I expressed that I didn’t really want to move in together until I get a reassurance from him this is for lifetime, he told me not to worry because he already had plans to propose to me and it’s ok to move in first and then get married as we are living together. He suggested that we could plan the wedding first because weddings take at least a year ahead to plan, and the proposal will happen sometime later this year. Our first big argument came because of his unrealistic expectations and lack of logic and sense in event planning (he was never really a planner or an organized person, I do most of our travel logistics and household plannings).
Few weeks later I discovered that he was withholding his plans made with a colleague that I didn’t particularly liked, I felt strange that he had to hide this fact from me. I don’t believe that he was disloyal or anything but I didn’t understand why he lied. I exploded, demanded to check his phone, then I discovered more things he was hiding from me, including going on walks during lunch with the same female colleagues. I also discovered the group chat with his boys where they were making jokes about us getting married. I was livid and we argued over our definition of commitment, I questioned his maturity and his intentions to settle. He told me he was ready to settle with me, and suggested that we go pick out rings the next day.
The real issue came in when he called his parents to ask them for their blessing in our marriage. His parents disapproved, and called me materialistic, questioned my family, my social circle, my religion, my political views… etc. My boyfriend could’ve easily justified every one of the points they have made about me but I guess he was too in shock of their response to defend me. His parents never really agreed with our relationship to begin with, they never wanted him to date and thinks he should be focused on his career at this age rather than dating, despite this we spent every holidays and celebrations the last two years with his family and we thought they have grown to accept me as they had been very friendly with me, I guess it was all a facade. I was disappointed and lashed out at him. And somehow our previous issue with his ‘commitment’ was brushed under the rug.
He says he cannot propose to me when he doesn’t have his parents blessing. I gave him a deadline the next day to make a decision, if he cannot talk it out with his parents then I will have to let this end. He came back the next day, and told me his dad apologized and would like to reconcile with me. And he came back to tell me he was ready to settle.
The following weeks we continued to have smaller disagreements and I was still uncomfortable to face his parents, as he would return home a different person, and treats me worse every time after every time he had met up with his parents. Before all these issues, we had made plans to visit my grandparents and his extended family who were both living in the same country. On our way there, I expressed that I would want to remain with my grandparents and not join his family trip as I’m not ready to face his parents yet. He tried to persuade me to go and that his parents will apologize to me, but I was still very uncomfortable. I told him I’ll only go if he can give me reassurance and that I will only go on another family trip with him if he can give me the status as his fiancé before I can face them. He said if he were to propose to me now he cannot face his parents, and he told his parents he has plans to propose to me on this trip, but they insisted that they should reconcile with me before he can propose as I would potentially “steal their grandchildren away from them” in the future if we don’t make up. He told me he even brought the ring with him but he can’t do it. I walked away from him, I felt so betrayed and lost in a foreign country. I got very emotional and told him he made feel worthless and want to end my life. I was not in the right headspace after a whole month of torment and I didn’t have the energy to reason with him any longer. I gave in and proceeded with the rest of our trip.
The day before we went to meet his family, I told him I wanted to go somewhere else instead and I still wasn’t ready. When he was making changes to our tickets, I saw his sister’s message on his phone, saying that it’ll be better in the long run if he sort out the parents issue first and don’t propose to me yet. I snatched his phone and spoke with his sister. After I told her everything, she apologized and gave me the reassurance that their family will treat me with respect and will apologize to me the first thing they see me, and that they just want to reconcile before we move forward to the next stage in life. I felt it was reasonable and reassured after my conversation with her, so I decided to give it a go.
When we did finally meet up with his parents, they pretended as if nothing has happened. Few days later we finally had the ‘conversation’. His dad started off by saying he doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to get married at the moment, and kept going on about their same points again, he said our relationship hasn’t been long enough for us to decide marriage at this stage. They claimed their comments weren’t a personal attack, they didn’t apologize and said that I was ‘thinking too much’ for this to be a personal attack because it was simply a generalization, then dismissed me for being upset for hearing from my bf because he wasn’t supposed to tell me, and proceeds to keep commenting about me and my friends and how they disagree with their celebrations of weddings.
I respectfully explained we are not having these discussions about marriage out of no where, we have been having discussions on marriage throughout our 2 years. In fact our plans to have children was the basis of our relationship and were his requirements, and we just want to move forward with the next part of our lives. His mom doesn’t think I need to think about having children at this moment and it’s not a good time for us to have children, because she had kids much later in life and apparently so is everyone else, and we shouldn’t be following my ‘timeline’ on when things should be happening. Apparently I should not have such control over the timing of giving birth ‘like a reproduction machine’, and it’s not right to have to set such timeline on how much time I need for recovery and time between having each children. She asks why do we feel the need and so early in life to get married now? And ditch your own families and start your own life.
His dad said I should not decide right now how many kids we need to have and it’s rather in gods hands to decide, and some people are not even be able to have more than 1 kid, I asked him why is this relevant in regards to our plans to have kids… so I have to listen to god now and have kids without planning? And then he started giving this bs about god and how we are not meant to plan ‘these things’ out in life so specifically. I asked him: What is wrong with being practical and setting realistic goals. He claimed he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have plans but we shouldn’t be so set and ‘controlling’ over our own lives. He has experience and we should listen to the grown ups with experience… I knew the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere as soon as he brings religion into this.
My boyfriend just stood there in silence. After the conversation ended we both walked away from his parents, he apologized to me and told me he’s sorry for any of the things his parents have said to me and I didn’t deserve it. He says he won’t listen to his parents anymore, and he knows how to make this right, and he will propose once we return to my grandparent’s place. I didn’t challenge him anymore because I that was the reassurance I needed from him, and I was happy that he was finally able to see his parents for who they are.
The following days of the trip, his dad tried to isolate him from rest of the family to give him the same lecture. Every time he rejoins the group I can see from his expression that their conversation did not go well, I didn’t comment. On the day we returned to my grandparent’s home, he told me he can’t follow through with his promises. And his dad told him he should feel guilty for making promises to me and be pressured into marriage. Somehow this convinced himself into thinking he’s not ready for marriage all along. I walked away from him and we spent 3 days apart before our flight to return home.
On our last day, we met up for closure, talked through what happened and we had sex. I told him I wasn’t ready to fly back home with him and I didn’t want to fall back into the vicious cycle of arguments, and that we should have some time to cool things down before we reconnect. We agreed to give each other some space and he wants to learn more about himself before he makes commitment to me as he doesn’t want to disappoint me again.
A week after he got back, he told me he wants to move out of our co-rented apartment, and he wants to break lease. I was a bit confused because I thought he wanted to work on himself, and him moving out essentially is an indication of a break up to me. He said if I don’t let him move out, I’m not giving him space to work on himself. I didn’t really have an option so I agreed. We didn’t talk afterwards.
3 weeks later, I missed my period, I took a test and was positive.
submitted by Bubbly-Emu95 to Advice [link] [comments]
We decided to take a break due to arguments over the past month, and on our last day together, we had unprotective sex (we didn’t have sex for 3 weeks at that point). I took a test upon unusual symptoms and missed period, and discovered I am pregnant.
I informed him last week and I think he’s still in denial. He asked me to go for a scan to confirm so he can tell his parents and he has expressed that he doesn’t think it’s a good time for him, and I should get an abortion. He is not ready for fatherhood and doesn’t see that we can work things out in the future. I encouraged him to reconcile, not as a couple, but as civil adults to make communications easier in the following weeks or potentially years. He refused and told me I should talk to people for advice. I have spoke to my best friends and I don’t have a solution, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father figure but I also don’t want to have this kind of father in its life. I only had one sex partner my whole life so there is no possibility that he is not the father. I’m personally also not ready to raise the child as a single mother without support. If this pregnancy happened few months back, I would not have the same doubts I currently have. I considered abortion after the conversation with him but I don’t want to end my own child’s life because of our unresolved issues. My family don’t live in the same country as me, so I will not have day-to-day help. My friends are supportive but I don’t think it’s realistic for me to raise the baby without a partner. I have all sorts of concerns and I am not in the right headspace at the moment to be thinking clearly.
For context - I (28F) moved in to live with my boyfriend (30M) after 2 years of dating, we barely had any disagreements throughout the first 2 years, we were both in love, and decided that we were ready for our next stages in life so we moved in together. We were certain that we were compatible despite our differences in interests - we are very different people in the best ways, and grew to love and learn of each other’s character. Our lives are very intertwined, and our respective friend groups are very involved in our lives. We had a healthy lifestyle and socially active ever since we got together.
Fast forward to 2 months ago, we were discussing wedding plans. We previously agreed that we would move in together > get engaged > married > have children. I expressed that I didn’t really want to move in together until I get a reassurance from him this is for lifetime, he told me not to worry because he already had plans to propose to me and it’s ok to move in first and then get married as we are living together. He suggested that we could plan the wedding first because weddings take at least a year ahead to plan, and the proposal will happen sometime later this year. Our first big argument came because of his unrealistic expectations and lack of logic and sense in event planning (he was never really a planner or an organized person, I do most of our travel logistics and household plannings).
Few weeks later I discovered that he was withholding his plans made with a colleague that I didn’t particularly liked, I felt strange that he had to hide this fact from me. I don’t believe that he was disloyal or anything but I didn’t understand why he lied. I exploded, demanded to check his phone, then I discovered more things he was hiding from me, including going on walks during lunch with the same female colleagues. I also discovered the group chat with his boys where they were making jokes about us getting married. I was livid and we argued over our definition of commitment, I questioned his maturity and his intentions to settle. He told me he was ready to settle with me, and suggested that we go pick out rings the next day.
The real issue came in when he called his parents to ask them for their blessing in our marriage. His parents disapproved, and called me materialistic, questioned my family, my social circle, my religion, my political views… etc. My boyfriend could’ve easily justified every one of the points they have made about me but I guess he was too in shock of their response to defend me. His parents never really agreed with our relationship to begin with, they never wanted him to date and thinks he should be focused on his career at this age rather than dating, despite this we spent every holidays and celebrations the last two years with his family and we thought they have grown to accept me as they had been very friendly with me, I guess it was all a facade. I was disappointed and lashed out at him. And somehow our previous issue with his ‘commitment’ was brushed under the rug.
He says he cannot propose to me when he doesn’t have his parents blessing. I gave him a deadline the next day to make a decision, if he cannot talk it out with his parents then I will have to let this end. He came back the next day, and told me his dad apologized and would like to reconcile with me. And he came back to tell me he was ready to settle.
The following weeks we continued to have smaller disagreements and I was still uncomfortable to face his parents, as he would return home a different person, and treats me worse every time after every time he had met up with his parents. Before all these issues, we had made plans to visit my grandparents and his extended family who were both living in the same country. On our way there, I expressed that I would want to remain with my grandparents and not join his family trip as I’m not ready to face his parents yet. He tried to persuade me to go and that his parents will apologize to me, but I was still very uncomfortable. I told him I’ll only go if he can give me reassurance and that I will only go on another family trip with him if he can give me the status as his fiancé before I can face them. He said if he were to propose to me now he cannot face his parents, and he told his parents he has plans to propose to me on this trip, but they insisted that they should reconcile with me before he can propose as I would potentially “steal their grandchildren away from them” in the future if we don’t make up. He told me he even brought the ring with him but he can’t do it. I walked away from him, I felt so betrayed and lost in a foreign country. I got very emotional and told him he made feel worthless and want to end my life. I was not in the right headspace after a whole month of torment and I didn’t have the energy to reason with him any longer. I gave in and proceeded with the rest of our trip.
The day before we went to meet his family, I told him I wanted to go somewhere else instead and I still wasn’t ready. When he was making changes to our tickets, I saw his sister’s message on his phone, saying that it’ll be better in the long run if he sort out the parents issue first and don’t propose to me yet. I snatched his phone and spoke with his sister. After I told her everything, she apologized and gave me the reassurance that their family will treat me with respect and will apologize to me the first thing they see me, and that they just want to reconcile before we move forward to the next stage in life. I felt it was reasonable and reassured after my conversation with her, so I decided to give it a go.
When we did finally meet up with his parents, they pretended as if nothing has happened. Few days later we finally had the ‘conversation’. His dad started off by saying he doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to get married at the moment, and kept going on about their same points again, he said our relationship hasn’t been long enough for us to decide marriage at this stage. They claimed their comments weren’t a personal attack, they didn’t apologize and said that I was ‘thinking too much’ for this to be a personal attack because it was simply a generalization, then dismissed me for being upset for hearing from my bf because he wasn’t supposed to tell me, and proceeds to keep commenting about me and my friends and how they disagree with their celebrations of weddings.
I respectfully explained we are not having these discussions about marriage out of no where, we have been having discussions on marriage throughout our 2 years. In fact our plans to have children was the basis of our relationship and were his requirements, and we just want to move forward with the next part of our lives. His mom doesn’t think I need to think about having children at this moment and it’s not a good time for us to have children, because she had kids much later in life and apparently so is everyone else, and we shouldn’t be following my ‘timeline’ on when things should be happening. Apparently I should not have such control over the timing of giving birth ‘like a reproduction machine’, and it’s not right to have to set such timeline on how much time I need for recovery and time between having each children. She asks why do we feel the need and so early in life to get married now? And ditch your own families and start your own life.
His dad said I should not decide right now how many kids we need to have and it’s rather in gods hands to decide, and some people are not even be able to have more than 1 kid, I asked him why is this relevant in regards to our plans to have kids… so I have to listen to god now and have kids without planning? And then he started giving this bs about god and how we are not meant to plan ‘these things’ out in life so specifically. I asked him: What is wrong with being practical and setting realistic goals. He claimed he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have plans but we shouldn’t be so set and ‘controlling’ over our own lives. He has experience and we should listen to the grown ups with experience… I knew the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere as soon as he brings religion into this.
My boyfriend just stood there in silence. After the conversation ended we both walked away from his parents, he apologized to me and told me he’s sorry for any of the things his parents have said to me and I didn’t deserve it. He says he won’t listen to his parents anymore, and he knows how to make this right, and he will propose once we return to my grandparent’s place. I didn’t challenge him anymore because I that was the reassurance I needed from him, and I was happy that he was finally able to see his parents for who they are.
The following days of the trip, his dad tried to isolate him from rest of the family to give him the same lecture. Every time he rejoins the group I can see from his expression that their conversation did not go well, I didn’t comment. On the day we returned to my grandparent’s home, he told me he can’t follow through with his promises. And his dad told him he should feel guilty for making promises to me and be pressured into marriage. Somehow this convinced himself into thinking he’s not ready for marriage all along. I walked away from him and we spent 3 days apart before our flight to return home.
On our last day, we met up for closure, talked through what happened and we had sex. I told him I wasn’t ready to fly back home with him and I didn’t want to fall back into the vicious cycle of arguments, and that we should have some time to cool things down before we reconnect. We agreed to give each other some space and he wants to learn more about himself before he makes commitment to me as he doesn’t want to disappoint me again.
A week after he got back, he told me he wants to move out of our co-rented apartment, and he wants to break lease. I was a bit confused because I thought he wanted to work on himself, and him moving out essentially is an indication of a break up to me. He said if I don’t let him move out, I’m not giving him space to work on himself. I didn’t really have an option so I agreed. We didn’t talk afterwards.
3 weeks later, I missed my period, I took a test and was positive.
2024.05.14 12:41 ThrowawayAcc00982 Is it wrong to hide my location from my best friends?
I (18F) used to have my location on Snapchat shared with both my family and a few close friends. However, recently I’ve decided to become more private. I deleted my Instagram, stopped posting about my life on social media, and turned off my Snapchat location sharing for everyone except my brothers (22m) & (23m).
My other friends weren’t bothered and said nothing, but one of my best friends that i’ve known for 2 years (19f), she messaged me saying I should turn my location back on. In the past she has jokingly admitted that she ‘sometimes’ checks/stalks my location ‘when she’s bored’ which made me feel uncomfortable i’m ngl lol.(She also always does the same when she’s interested in / seeing a guy. I know this because she always messages me saying something like “Omg he hasn’t responded in ____ hours but he was active ___ mins ago”). I value our friendship, but I don’t think I should have to share my location with said friend just because she wants to basically keep tabs on me. I prefer to keep this level of privacy and only share my location with family.
I feel conflicted because I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings and come across as rude. I feel bad and conflicted especially because she mentioned that if or when I have a boyfriend, I might (emphasis on might) consider turning on my location for him, but not for her. This comment has added to myuncertainty and guilt about maintaining my privacy boundaries with friends.
TL;DR: I (18F) turned off my Snapchat location for everyone except family to be more private. My best friend (19F) is upset because she likes to check my location out of boredom and feels it’s unfair that I might share my location with a boyfriend but not her. Is it wrong to prioritize my privacy?
Any tips or advice?
submitted by ThrowawayAcc00982 to relationships [link] [comments]
My other friends weren’t bothered and said nothing, but one of my best friends that i’ve known for 2 years (19f), she messaged me saying I should turn my location back on. In the past she has jokingly admitted that she ‘sometimes’ checks/stalks my location ‘when she’s bored’ which made me feel uncomfortable i’m ngl lol.(She also always does the same when she’s interested in / seeing a guy. I know this because she always messages me saying something like “Omg he hasn’t responded in ____ hours but he was active ___ mins ago”). I value our friendship, but I don’t think I should have to share my location with said friend just because she wants to basically keep tabs on me. I prefer to keep this level of privacy and only share my location with family.
I feel conflicted because I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings and come across as rude. I feel bad and conflicted especially because she mentioned that if or when I have a boyfriend, I might (emphasis on might) consider turning on my location for him, but not for her. This comment has added to myuncertainty and guilt about maintaining my privacy boundaries with friends.
TL;DR: I (18F) turned off my Snapchat location for everyone except family to be more private. My best friend (19F) is upset because she likes to check my location out of boredom and feels it’s unfair that I might share my location with a boyfriend but not her. Is it wrong to prioritize my privacy?
Any tips or advice?
2024.05.14 12:34 Bubbly-Emu95 Ex boyfriend (30M) wants an abortion, I (28F) want to keep the baby but I am scared to raise the baby on my own
I am currently 6 weeks pregnant with my ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. We spent the last 2 years having sex almost everyday without contraceptives, as we were ready for any risks, we were not actively trying, but not actively preventing.
We decided to take a break due to arguments over the past month, and on our last day together, we had unprotective sex (we didn’t have sex for 3 weeks at that point). I took a test upon unusual symptoms and missed period, and discovered I am pregnant.
I informed him last week and I think he’s still in denial. He asked me to go for a scan to confirm so he can tell his parents and he has expressed that he doesn’t think it’s a good time for him, and I should get an abortion. He is not ready for fatherhood and doesn’t see that we can work things out in the future. I encouraged him to reconcile, not as a couple, but as civil adults to make communications easier in the following weeks or potentially years. He refused and told me I should talk to people for advice. I have spoke to my best friends and I don’t have a solution, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father figure but I also don’t want to have this kind of father in its life. I only had one sex partner my whole life so there is no possibility that he is not the father. I’m personally also not ready to raise the child as a single mother without support. If this pregnancy happened few months back, I would not have the same doubts I currently have. I considered abortion after the conversation with him but I don’t want to end my own child’s life because of our unresolved issues. My family don’t live in the same country as me, so I will not have day-to-day help. My friends are supportive but I don’t think it’s realistic for me to raise the baby without a partner. I have all sorts of concerns and I am not in the right headspace at the moment to be thinking clearly.
For context - I (28F) moved in to live with my boyfriend (30M) after 2 years of dating, we barely had any disagreements throughout the first 2 years, we were both in love, and decided that we were ready for our next stages in life so we moved in together. We were certain that we were compatible despite our differences in interests - we are very different people in the best ways, and grew to love and learn of each other’s character. Our lives are very intertwined, and our respective friend groups are very involved in our lives. We had a healthy lifestyle and socially active ever since we got together.
Fast forward to 2 months ago, we were discussing wedding plans. We previously agreed that we would move in together > get engaged > married > have children. I expressed that I didn’t really want to move in together until I get a reassurance from him this is for lifetime, he told me not to worry because he already had plans to propose to me and it’s ok to move in first and then get married as we are living together. He suggested that we could plan the wedding first because weddings take at least a year ahead to plan, and the proposal will happen sometime later this year. Our first big argument came because of his unrealistic expectations and lack of logic and sense in event planning (he was never really a planner or an organized person, I do most of our travel logistics and household plannings).
Few weeks later I discovered that he was withholding his plans made with a colleague that I didn’t particularly liked, I felt strange that he had to hide this fact from me. I don’t believe that he was disloyal or anything but I didn’t understand why he lied. I exploded, demanded to check his phone, then I discovered more things he was hiding from me, including going on walks during lunch with the same female colleagues. I also discovered the group chat with his boys where they were making jokes about us getting married. I was livid and we argued over our definition of commitment, I questioned his maturity and his intentions to settle. He told me he was ready to settle with me, and suggested that we go pick out rings the next day.
The real issue came in when he called his parents to ask them for their blessing in our marriage. His parents disapproved, and called me materialistic, questioned my family, my social circle, my religion, my political views… etc. My boyfriend could’ve easily justified every one of the points they have made about me but I guess he was too in shock of their response to defend me. His parents never really agreed with our relationship to begin with, they never wanted him to date and thinks he should be focused on his career at this age rather than dating, despite this we spent every holidays and celebrations the last two years with his family and we thought they have grown to accept me as they had been very friendly with me, I guess it was all a facade. I was disappointed and lashed out at him. And somehow our previous issue with his ‘commitment’ was brushed under the rug.
He says he cannot propose to me when he doesn’t have his parents blessing. I gave him a deadline the next day to make a decision, if he cannot talk it out with his parents then I will have to let this end. He came back the next day, and told me his dad apologized and would like to reconcile with me. And he came back to tell me he was ready to settle.
The following weeks we continued to have smaller disagreements and I was still uncomfortable to face his parents, as he would return home a different person, and treats me worse every time after every time he had met up with his parents. Before all these issues, we had made plans to visit my grandparents and his extended family who were both living in the same country. On our way there, I expressed that I would want to remain with my grandparents and not join his family trip as I’m not ready to face his parents yet. He tried to persuade me to go and that his parents will apologize to me, but I was still very uncomfortable. I told him I’ll only go if he can give me reassurance and that I will only go on another family trip with him if he can give me the status as his fiancé before I can face them. He said if he were to propose to me now he cannot face his parents, and he told his parents he has plans to propose to me on this trip, but they insisted that they should reconcile with me before he can propose as I would potentially “steal their grandchildren away from them” in the future if we don’t make up. He told me he even brought the ring with him but he can’t do it. I walked away from him, I felt so betrayed and lost in a foreign country. I got very emotional and told him he made feel worthless and want to end my life. I was not in the right headspace after a whole month of torment and I didn’t have the energy to reason with him any longer. I gave in and proceeded with the rest of our trip.
The day before we went to meet his family, I told him I wanted to go somewhere else instead and I still wasn’t ready. When he was making changes to our tickets, I saw his sister’s message on his phone, saying that it’ll be better in the long run if he sort out the parents issue first and don’t propose to me yet. I snatched his phone and spoke with his sister. After I told her everything, she apologized and gave me the reassurance that their family will treat me with respect and will apologize to me the first thing they see me, and that they just want to reconcile before we move forward to the next stage in life. I felt it was reasonable and reassured after my conversation with her, so I decided to give it a go.
When we did finally meet up with his parents, they pretended as if nothing has happened. Few days later we finally had the ‘conversation’. His dad started off by saying he doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to get married at the moment, and kept going on about their same points again, he said our relationship hasn’t been long enough for us to decide marriage at this stage. They claimed their comments weren’t a personal attack, they didn’t apologize and said that I was ‘thinking too much’ for this to be a personal attack because it was simply a generalization, then dismissed me for being upset for hearing from my bf because he wasn’t supposed to tell me, and proceeds to keep commenting about me and my friends and how they disagree with their celebrations of weddings.
I respectfully explained we are not having these discussions about marriage out of no where, we have been having discussions on marriage throughout our 2 years. In fact our plans to have children was the basis of our relationship and were his requirements, and we just want to move forward with the next part of our lives. His mom doesn’t think I need to think about having children at this moment and it’s not a good time for us to have children, because she had kids much later in life and apparently so is everyone else, and we shouldn’t be following my ‘timeline’ on when things should be happening. Apparently I should not have such control over the timing of giving birth ‘like a reproduction machine’, and it’s not right to have to set such timeline on how much time I need for recovery and time between having each children. She asks why do we feel the need and so early in life to get married now? And ditch your own families and start your own life.
His dad said I should not decide right now how many kids we need to have and it’s rather in gods hands to decide, and some people are not even be able to have more than 1 kid, I asked him why is this relevant in regards to our plans to have kids… so I have to listen to god now and have kids without planning? And then he started giving this bs about god and how we are not meant to plan ‘these things’ out in life so specifically. I asked him: What is wrong with being practical and setting realistic goals. He claimed he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have plans but we shouldn’t be so set and ‘controlling’ over our own lives. He has experience and we should listen to the grown ups with experience… I knew the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere as soon as he brings religion into this.
My boyfriend just stood there in silence. After the conversation ended we both walked away from his parents, he apologized to me and told me he’s sorry for any of the things his parents have said to me and I didn’t deserve it. He says he won’t listen to his parents anymore, and he knows how to make this right, and he will propose once we return to my grandparent’s place. I didn’t challenge him anymore because I that was the reassurance I needed from him, and I was happy that he was finally able to see his parents for who they are.
The following days of the trip, his dad tried to isolate him from rest of the family to give him the same lecture. Every time he rejoins the group I can see from his expression that their conversation did not go well, I didn’t comment. On the day we returned to my grandparent’s home, he told me he can’t follow through with his promises. And his dad told him he should feel guilty for making promises to me and be pressured into marriage. Somehow this convinced himself into thinking he’s not ready for marriage all along. I walked away from him and we spent 3 days apart before our flight to return home.
On our last day, we met up for closure, talked through what happened and we had sex. I told him I wasn’t ready to fly back home with him and I didn’t want to fall back into the vicious cycle of arguments, and that we should have some time to cool things down before we reconnect. We agreed to give each other some space and he wants to learn more about himself before he makes commitment to me as he doesn’t want to disappoint me again.
A week after he got back, he told me he wants to move out of our co-rented apartment, and he wants to break lease. I was a bit confused because I thought he wanted to work on himself, and him moving out essentially is an indication of a break up to me. He said if I don’t let him move out, I’m not giving him space to work on himself. I didn’t really have an option so I agreed. We didn’t talk afterwards.
3 weeks later, I missed my period, I took a test and was positive.
submitted by Bubbly-Emu95 to pregnant [link] [comments]
We decided to take a break due to arguments over the past month, and on our last day together, we had unprotective sex (we didn’t have sex for 3 weeks at that point). I took a test upon unusual symptoms and missed period, and discovered I am pregnant.
I informed him last week and I think he’s still in denial. He asked me to go for a scan to confirm so he can tell his parents and he has expressed that he doesn’t think it’s a good time for him, and I should get an abortion. He is not ready for fatherhood and doesn’t see that we can work things out in the future. I encouraged him to reconcile, not as a couple, but as civil adults to make communications easier in the following weeks or potentially years. He refused and told me I should talk to people for advice. I have spoke to my best friends and I don’t have a solution, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father figure but I also don’t want to have this kind of father in its life. I only had one sex partner my whole life so there is no possibility that he is not the father. I’m personally also not ready to raise the child as a single mother without support. If this pregnancy happened few months back, I would not have the same doubts I currently have. I considered abortion after the conversation with him but I don’t want to end my own child’s life because of our unresolved issues. My family don’t live in the same country as me, so I will not have day-to-day help. My friends are supportive but I don’t think it’s realistic for me to raise the baby without a partner. I have all sorts of concerns and I am not in the right headspace at the moment to be thinking clearly.
For context - I (28F) moved in to live with my boyfriend (30M) after 2 years of dating, we barely had any disagreements throughout the first 2 years, we were both in love, and decided that we were ready for our next stages in life so we moved in together. We were certain that we were compatible despite our differences in interests - we are very different people in the best ways, and grew to love and learn of each other’s character. Our lives are very intertwined, and our respective friend groups are very involved in our lives. We had a healthy lifestyle and socially active ever since we got together.
Fast forward to 2 months ago, we were discussing wedding plans. We previously agreed that we would move in together > get engaged > married > have children. I expressed that I didn’t really want to move in together until I get a reassurance from him this is for lifetime, he told me not to worry because he already had plans to propose to me and it’s ok to move in first and then get married as we are living together. He suggested that we could plan the wedding first because weddings take at least a year ahead to plan, and the proposal will happen sometime later this year. Our first big argument came because of his unrealistic expectations and lack of logic and sense in event planning (he was never really a planner or an organized person, I do most of our travel logistics and household plannings).
Few weeks later I discovered that he was withholding his plans made with a colleague that I didn’t particularly liked, I felt strange that he had to hide this fact from me. I don’t believe that he was disloyal or anything but I didn’t understand why he lied. I exploded, demanded to check his phone, then I discovered more things he was hiding from me, including going on walks during lunch with the same female colleagues. I also discovered the group chat with his boys where they were making jokes about us getting married. I was livid and we argued over our definition of commitment, I questioned his maturity and his intentions to settle. He told me he was ready to settle with me, and suggested that we go pick out rings the next day.
The real issue came in when he called his parents to ask them for their blessing in our marriage. His parents disapproved, and called me materialistic, questioned my family, my social circle, my religion, my political views… etc. My boyfriend could’ve easily justified every one of the points they have made about me but I guess he was too in shock of their response to defend me. His parents never really agreed with our relationship to begin with, they never wanted him to date and thinks he should be focused on his career at this age rather than dating, despite this we spent every holidays and celebrations the last two years with his family and we thought they have grown to accept me as they had been very friendly with me, I guess it was all a facade. I was disappointed and lashed out at him. And somehow our previous issue with his ‘commitment’ was brushed under the rug.
He says he cannot propose to me when he doesn’t have his parents blessing. I gave him a deadline the next day to make a decision, if he cannot talk it out with his parents then I will have to let this end. He came back the next day, and told me his dad apologized and would like to reconcile with me. And he came back to tell me he was ready to settle.
The following weeks we continued to have smaller disagreements and I was still uncomfortable to face his parents, as he would return home a different person, and treats me worse every time after every time he had met up with his parents. Before all these issues, we had made plans to visit my grandparents and his extended family who were both living in the same country. On our way there, I expressed that I would want to remain with my grandparents and not join his family trip as I’m not ready to face his parents yet. He tried to persuade me to go and that his parents will apologize to me, but I was still very uncomfortable. I told him I’ll only go if he can give me reassurance and that I will only go on another family trip with him if he can give me the status as his fiancé before I can face them. He said if he were to propose to me now he cannot face his parents, and he told his parents he has plans to propose to me on this trip, but they insisted that they should reconcile with me before he can propose as I would potentially “steal their grandchildren away from them” in the future if we don’t make up. He told me he even brought the ring with him but he can’t do it. I walked away from him, I felt so betrayed and lost in a foreign country. I got very emotional and told him he made feel worthless and want to end my life. I was not in the right headspace after a whole month of torment and I didn’t have the energy to reason with him any longer. I gave in and proceeded with the rest of our trip.
The day before we went to meet his family, I told him I wanted to go somewhere else instead and I still wasn’t ready. When he was making changes to our tickets, I saw his sister’s message on his phone, saying that it’ll be better in the long run if he sort out the parents issue first and don’t propose to me yet. I snatched his phone and spoke with his sister. After I told her everything, she apologized and gave me the reassurance that their family will treat me with respect and will apologize to me the first thing they see me, and that they just want to reconcile before we move forward to the next stage in life. I felt it was reasonable and reassured after my conversation with her, so I decided to give it a go.
When we did finally meet up with his parents, they pretended as if nothing has happened. Few days later we finally had the ‘conversation’. His dad started off by saying he doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to get married at the moment, and kept going on about their same points again, he said our relationship hasn’t been long enough for us to decide marriage at this stage. They claimed their comments weren’t a personal attack, they didn’t apologize and said that I was ‘thinking too much’ for this to be a personal attack because it was simply a generalization, then dismissed me for being upset for hearing from my bf because he wasn’t supposed to tell me, and proceeds to keep commenting about me and my friends and how they disagree with their celebrations of weddings.
I respectfully explained we are not having these discussions about marriage out of no where, we have been having discussions on marriage throughout our 2 years. In fact our plans to have children was the basis of our relationship and were his requirements, and we just want to move forward with the next part of our lives. His mom doesn’t think I need to think about having children at this moment and it’s not a good time for us to have children, because she had kids much later in life and apparently so is everyone else, and we shouldn’t be following my ‘timeline’ on when things should be happening. Apparently I should not have such control over the timing of giving birth ‘like a reproduction machine’, and it’s not right to have to set such timeline on how much time I need for recovery and time between having each children. She asks why do we feel the need and so early in life to get married now? And ditch your own families and start your own life.
His dad said I should not decide right now how many kids we need to have and it’s rather in gods hands to decide, and some people are not even be able to have more than 1 kid, I asked him why is this relevant in regards to our plans to have kids… so I have to listen to god now and have kids without planning? And then he started giving this bs about god and how we are not meant to plan ‘these things’ out in life so specifically. I asked him: What is wrong with being practical and setting realistic goals. He claimed he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have plans but we shouldn’t be so set and ‘controlling’ over our own lives. He has experience and we should listen to the grown ups with experience… I knew the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere as soon as he brings religion into this.
My boyfriend just stood there in silence. After the conversation ended we both walked away from his parents, he apologized to me and told me he’s sorry for any of the things his parents have said to me and I didn’t deserve it. He says he won’t listen to his parents anymore, and he knows how to make this right, and he will propose once we return to my grandparent’s place. I didn’t challenge him anymore because I that was the reassurance I needed from him, and I was happy that he was finally able to see his parents for who they are.
The following days of the trip, his dad tried to isolate him from rest of the family to give him the same lecture. Every time he rejoins the group I can see from his expression that their conversation did not go well, I didn’t comment. On the day we returned to my grandparent’s home, he told me he can’t follow through with his promises. And his dad told him he should feel guilty for making promises to me and be pressured into marriage. Somehow this convinced himself into thinking he’s not ready for marriage all along. I walked away from him and we spent 3 days apart before our flight to return home.
On our last day, we met up for closure, talked through what happened and we had sex. I told him I wasn’t ready to fly back home with him and I didn’t want to fall back into the vicious cycle of arguments, and that we should have some time to cool things down before we reconnect. We agreed to give each other some space and he wants to learn more about himself before he makes commitment to me as he doesn’t want to disappoint me again.
A week after he got back, he told me he wants to move out of our co-rented apartment, and he wants to break lease. I was a bit confused because I thought he wanted to work on himself, and him moving out essentially is an indication of a break up to me. He said if I don’t let him move out, I’m not giving him space to work on himself. I didn’t really have an option so I agreed. We didn’t talk afterwards.
3 weeks later, I missed my period, I took a test and was positive.
2024.05.14 12:27 Gear-Five What is this situation
Me M(23) I m working and she F(20) still studying. So I met this girl in Tinder we matched and I invited her to my house to drink and she accepted. So on our first date we had fun and we got to know each other. The next day we did it again but this time sex was involved and she did enjoy it. After 2 weeks I asked her again if she wanted to come she said yes but this time with her friend everything is good I m okey with it. So we started drinking dancing just for like an hour then she told me that she has to leave because her friend boyfriend was waiting on them, I told her she can stay but her friend can go she responded that her friend was drunk and she can’t leave her and yeah her friend was pretty drunk lol. That the third time I saw her and when I text her in IG she don’t respond she only respond if I invited her she don’t text or anything. So clearly she see the messages and choose not to respond. I want to ask u guys if this relationship can be developed into something serious or we gonna just stay as friends with benefits
submitted by Gear-Five to dating [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 12:25 TheTimeWillPass_13 Should I break up with my bf?
I (F) love my current boyfriend, we have been dating for about 6-7 months. Earlier in our relationship we made plans for our future, but over time, I don't think we'll be able to meet those plans. And I've seen some guys that I think would be a better "fit" for me. I’m gonna do a "Reasons" list, Imk what you think. • Also he's not funny, and humor is a #1 priority for me 1. He doesn't speak English as a first language: It can be quite difficult for me to communicate with him due to his kind of poor English, and his family doesn't speak English at all. I don't think our families would communicate well. He also has trouble understanding my point in things 2. He's made the same mistakes over and over again: If he knows I won't like something, he does it, then tells me LATER, either if I found out or he accidentally tells me. An example is when I first met him he said that I was the first girl he's ever truly loved, and that he didn't LOVE anyone before me. Then 6 months later, recently, I saw his old messages with a friend from a few months before we started dating and basically, he said that he was in love with a girl, wanted her "so bad", wanted her to "be his so bad" and said he got teary eyed when his friend gave him advice for her. This REALLY hurt my feelings, as he lied to me and hid that from me for however long. So yeah there's that. And there's also other things. He just apologizes, says he'll fix it, but then doesn't. 3. I honestly don't find him that attractive: I know this sounds mean, but honestly... I've lost my attraction for him. He's just not my type 4. We have an age gap: It's not big, but at our ages it IS a big deal. I really don't think it would work out 5. I have my eyes on another guy. I've been considering breaking up with him for a while. And for the past week l've talked to this guy (in class only), he's funny, cute, smart, tall, and we have a similar childhood & background & our families speak the same language so there's no language barrier. I have imagined being with him instead and it makes me feel so guilty. 6. I really don't think it would work out. Not in really any aspect. Our families don't speak the same language, we come from different backgrounds (saying it may be harder for our families to bond and "understand" each other), I'm not that attracted to him, our age gap, and everything else mentioned above including other unmentioned things. Why I don't wanna break up with him: He is really sweet. I can see he WANTS to be the best boyfriend for me, but he just can't. He loves me a lot and cries a lot abt me when we argue or etc. I care abt him and don't wanna hurt him. He does try his best, and he still does make me happy sometimes, but he makes me sad too. Sorry for talking so much, it's just a big topic for me. I really do want to break up. I just don't wanna hurt him or regret it. Please Imk your thoughts asap.
submitted by TheTimeWillPass_13 to teenagers [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 12:16 Ok_Equivalent_1425 Conclusion: One girl, multiple boyfriends
This is a continuation and the conclusion to the following posts:
Post 1
Post 2
Post 3
Context: I matched with a girl who was sending all her matches the very same messages (long paragraphs while calling them "sweets"). I felt something was fishy so I turned to reddit and made Post 2 which went viral. I got contacted by guys claiming to be in a relationship with her.
What was happening?
TLRD: one girl manipulating many guys.
---- Listen to one of her bf's words: ----
"She was telling half the dudes she loves them, some she was committed to them, some she was inviting over cough cough.
Using all of them for free Swiggy and games and gifts and shit that would be cool.
Because the Reddit post(post 2 and post 3) kind of is spreading around her friend circle right now and the defence now is that it was just texting and wasn't serious.
Couple of her exes reached out to me and told it was the same shit, they broke up because she was cheating.
Girl is ruining lives fr and that too across three cities Bangalore/Chennai/Jaipur"
---- Another one of her BF said: ----
I have officially broken up with her, she begged for half an hour for another chance and that too lies after lies.
bhai, thank you very much, tu Delhi ya Chennai aaye kabhi bataiyo, party karte hai. (He's very happy that I made the post and saved him from further shit show)
Conclusion:
All the boyfriends involved have broken up with her, atleast all that are aware of this activities.
To the girl, please seek professional help. What you did probably scarred many people and their hopes and created trust issues in them that will probably last forever. It is not right to play with people's lives and feelings for your own good. The past is the past, please do better, reach out to your loved ones for help.
I'll not be making any further post on this matter. Captian Doddle signing off y'all.
Linking some mental health helplines visit here
submitted by Ok_Equivalent_1425 to Indiangirlsontinder [link] [comments]
Post 1
Post 2
Post 3
Context: I matched with a girl who was sending all her matches the very same messages (long paragraphs while calling them "sweets"). I felt something was fishy so I turned to reddit and made Post 2 which went viral. I got contacted by guys claiming to be in a relationship with her.
What was happening?
TLRD: one girl manipulating many guys.
---- Listen to one of her bf's words: ----
"She was telling half the dudes she loves them, some she was committed to them, some she was inviting over cough cough.
Using all of them for free Swiggy and games and gifts and shit that would be cool.
Because the Reddit post(post 2 and post 3) kind of is spreading around her friend circle right now and the defence now is that it was just texting and wasn't serious.
Couple of her exes reached out to me and told it was the same shit, they broke up because she was cheating.
Girl is ruining lives fr and that too across three cities Bangalore/Chennai/Jaipur"
---- Another one of her BF said: ----
I have officially broken up with her, she begged for half an hour for another chance and that too lies after lies.
bhai, thank you very much, tu Delhi ya Chennai aaye kabhi bataiyo, party karte hai. (He's very happy that I made the post and saved him from further shit show)
Conclusion:
All the boyfriends involved have broken up with her, atleast all that are aware of this activities.
To the girl, please seek professional help. What you did probably scarred many people and their hopes and created trust issues in them that will probably last forever. It is not right to play with people's lives and feelings for your own good. The past is the past, please do better, reach out to your loved ones for help.
I'll not be making any further post on this matter. Captian Doddle signing off y'all.
Linking some mental health helplines visit here
2024.05.14 12:15 OkamisanAnime StalkingDream
I had a dream about someone I barely know and remember from high school was hacking my phone. They sent me messages telling me that they had been watching me on my phone for months falling in love with me. When I tried to call someone like my father or boyfriend it went straight into a phone call with the stalker, he kept expressing his love for me and it was the grossest, creepiest thing I had ever experienced in a dream. To feel that violated and tormented by someone I don’t even enjoy having conversations with in the real world was damn right concerning. I don’t know what this means I was crying while a lady let me use her phone in the dream, I spoke with my dad and he told I was gonna have to change everything. What the hell does this mean!!! I got so paranoid when I woke up I blocked the person in my dream on my socials.
submitted by OkamisanAnime to Dreams [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 12:10 margaur how to properly apologize?
I need some advice. My friend1 and I were talking abt our friend2 and her boyfriend in private messages and it got some serious drama but I promised it's not below the belt, we're just disappointed something like that. Actually, friend2 had told us that her boyfriend is a liar, a micro-cheater, and a gaslighter. Despite this, she recently got back together with him. My first post here on Reddit was about her situation with her boyfriend.
Naturally, my friend1 and I were disappointed when she reconciled with him because she had shared numerous instances of his problematic behavior, including flirting with a co-worker. Unfortunately, while I was printing our manuscript, she saw our private messages on my phone. Since then, friend2 has been very quiet, and we are worried that she thinks we were backstabbing her (I’m not sure if that’s the right term). I'm not sure if nabasa niya yung convo namin kahapon but confirmed nabasa niya talaga because nikwento niya yun sa isa naming friend.
We are planning to apologize to her tomorrow, but I need some advice. Are we really being bad friends? How should we approach the apology? Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
(We are a group of 5, all girls. First time may mangyari na ganito sa circle namin and I don't want this to get worse)
submitted by margaur to adviceph [link] [comments]
Naturally, my friend1 and I were disappointed when she reconciled with him because she had shared numerous instances of his problematic behavior, including flirting with a co-worker. Unfortunately, while I was printing our manuscript, she saw our private messages on my phone. Since then, friend2 has been very quiet, and we are worried that she thinks we were backstabbing her (I’m not sure if that’s the right term). I'm not sure if nabasa niya yung convo namin kahapon but confirmed nabasa niya talaga because nikwento niya yun sa isa naming friend.
We are planning to apologize to her tomorrow, but I need some advice. Are we really being bad friends? How should we approach the apology? Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
(We are a group of 5, all girls. First time may mangyari na ganito sa circle namin and I don't want this to get worse)
2024.05.14 12:08 ThrowRA_Natalia My bf (M26) of 7 years has not purposed to me (F23) yet is that normal?
My boyfriend and I met when he was 19 and I was 16 at the time. We have been together since and he doesn’t seem to take marriage into consideration. We have been living together for 5 years. I do most things a wife would do because I love him and I just figured I would be one day. But we also been through ups and downs. In 2020 he admitted to cheating not physically but over messages and talking to women. I forgave him and ended up cheating back (toxic I know) instead of leaving he forgave me because we wanted to move past it and work it out. Now we are working on our relationship and future but it seems like he doesn’t ever want to take it to the next step. I know it could be because maybe he doesn’t have the finances for it yet. But I’m just tired of being in a relationship that seems like it’s not going where I wish it was. I’m turning 24 this year and I just want someone to be 100% sure about me. Should I stay?
submitted by ThrowRA_Natalia to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 11:56 Neither_Syllabub_885 AITAH for no longer being interested?
Hi. I am a 29 F that just broke up with my 38 M narcissistic boyfriend of 6 years (on and off) back in February, he moved out March. I’ve been going to therapy since then and we established that I should be single for at least a year so I can properly grieve each holiday, birthday, vacation without them and know how to be alone. I think that’s a great idea but it’s hard cuz I’m considered to be conventionally attractive and men are always trying to date me. Even if I say I am not interested. I’ve always had a boyfriend, ever since I was 15, I was never single, because men always wanted to date me and I always jumped into relationships without getting to know them first. So it’s safe to say, I haven’t had the best romantic relationships. I get a lot of attention and although the men love it at first (all these guys want her but she’s with me), they eventually grow jealous, don’t trust me, and it ends up being very toxic and they try to change who I am.
With that being said, I am focused on myself and learning how to be by myself. My goal for my future partner would be someone who is genuinely my friend. Someone who isn’t trying to have sexual relations with me I don’t know how realistic that is but, every guy “friend” I’ve had later confessed how they liked me and when I expressed I didn’t feel the same way they stopped being my friend. So I’m hoping to genuinely be friends with a man and we somehow fall in love? Anyways, I met a man through a Facebook group I’m in. I was giving away some unused dancing shoes for men and he came by to pick them up and we have been friends since. He was very sweet and we opened up to each other about our past. He said he hasn’t been single in 6 years, he’s always had a girlfriend and I told him about my toxic 6 year on and off relationship with my ex and we both talked about how I would like to be friends with a man for a long time before dating them cuz I would like to know his personality since I’ve always just jumped into relationships with men I basically didn’t even know. He completely understood… or so I thought.
One day he came over so we can eat tacos and watch black mirror, we normally hang out with other people but this time we were alone. And he tried kissing me… I would avoid it but he literally grabbed my face and we made out but it felt so forced and I did not enjoy it at all. I just wanted him to leave but he overstayed his welcome and I was too nice to ask him to leave. He eventually left and I just felt icky.
The following week he was supposed to take me to the airport. I asked him to come to my place at 6:30 AM. That morning, I was running late, I probably would have been ready by 6:45 MAX. He shows up at 6:10 AM knocking at my door. I didn’t answer the door cuz I’m literally running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything together for my flight. I’m frustrated cuz 1. He is supposed to pick me up. I never said he could come inside. Pick me up to me means that you literally pull up and wait for me to come outside when you tell me you are outside. 2. He showed up so early!! I would have felt bad if he showed up at 6:30 but he showed up at 6:10 and I felt super rushed. Not only that but he kept trying to open my door. So I told him to go wait in his car. I never invited him in and I didn’t want him in my home watching me run around like a mad woman. This just completely turned me off.
He’s been messaging me and tryin to hang out but I’ve just been coming up with excuses. AITA? Am I over reacting?
submitted by Neither_Syllabub_885 to AITAH [link] [comments]
With that being said, I am focused on myself and learning how to be by myself. My goal for my future partner would be someone who is genuinely my friend. Someone who isn’t trying to have sexual relations with me I don’t know how realistic that is but, every guy “friend” I’ve had later confessed how they liked me and when I expressed I didn’t feel the same way they stopped being my friend. So I’m hoping to genuinely be friends with a man and we somehow fall in love? Anyways, I met a man through a Facebook group I’m in. I was giving away some unused dancing shoes for men and he came by to pick them up and we have been friends since. He was very sweet and we opened up to each other about our past. He said he hasn’t been single in 6 years, he’s always had a girlfriend and I told him about my toxic 6 year on and off relationship with my ex and we both talked about how I would like to be friends with a man for a long time before dating them cuz I would like to know his personality since I’ve always just jumped into relationships with men I basically didn’t even know. He completely understood… or so I thought.
One day he came over so we can eat tacos and watch black mirror, we normally hang out with other people but this time we were alone. And he tried kissing me… I would avoid it but he literally grabbed my face and we made out but it felt so forced and I did not enjoy it at all. I just wanted him to leave but he overstayed his welcome and I was too nice to ask him to leave. He eventually left and I just felt icky.
The following week he was supposed to take me to the airport. I asked him to come to my place at 6:30 AM. That morning, I was running late, I probably would have been ready by 6:45 MAX. He shows up at 6:10 AM knocking at my door. I didn’t answer the door cuz I’m literally running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything together for my flight. I’m frustrated cuz 1. He is supposed to pick me up. I never said he could come inside. Pick me up to me means that you literally pull up and wait for me to come outside when you tell me you are outside. 2. He showed up so early!! I would have felt bad if he showed up at 6:30 but he showed up at 6:10 and I felt super rushed. Not only that but he kept trying to open my door. So I told him to go wait in his car. I never invited him in and I didn’t want him in my home watching me run around like a mad woman. This just completely turned me off.
He’s been messaging me and tryin to hang out but I’ve just been coming up with excuses. AITA? Am I over reacting?
2024.05.14 11:54 ComprehensivePear123 about to move and having trouble with my relationships
throwaway because people follow my main
hello! i’m 18f and about to move across the globe. australia to canada. ive planned this since i was 15/16 and got into my absolute dream uni. my boyfriend 18m is following me after a couple months when he gets a visa.
i guess my issue is working my relationships with others out. i have 6 days until i leave now (i fly out monday night, writing this on tuesday night at work) and am working tonight, thursday afternoon/night and friday during the day. these are already nights where i won’t be able to have dinner with my family (mom, stepdad, brother and stepsisters) so im trying to maximise my time with them. i’ve already had dinners with each of my boyfriends parents and his parents and siblings are invited to a going away party im having on saturday during the day.
i had a bad harassment situation with an ex friend at the end of high school, and had a panic attack a couple months ago that caused me to ghost anyone who had contact with him, so i don’t even know how to contact some friends about maybe seeing them/them coming to the party. i also don’t like big events because historically at my events people end up being selfish and ruining them for me. the only reason i agreed to this is because i know my mom wanted one.
another thing is people are still asking to see me, my boyfriends grandparents wanted to see me on friday, but i had to turn them down because its too close and there is no way im missing dinner with my family on one of the last days i might have it. my dad who i cut off in november 2022 messaged me wanting to see me, but i ignored him because he’s a POS. i’m afraid my grandmother (seeing me at the party on saturday) will push about it.
i don’t understand why people didn’t ask further out from my moving date. i’ve been very clear about the date of my flight for months now and now people want me to give up precious time with my family (especially my mom who i have anxious attachement to). i know it sounds rude. i told my mom about the issue and she agrees that i shouldn’t go to dinner on friday but also thinks i should be “a bit more tolerant”.
submitted by ComprehensivePear123 to Advice [link] [comments]
hello! i’m 18f and about to move across the globe. australia to canada. ive planned this since i was 15/16 and got into my absolute dream uni. my boyfriend 18m is following me after a couple months when he gets a visa.
i guess my issue is working my relationships with others out. i have 6 days until i leave now (i fly out monday night, writing this on tuesday night at work) and am working tonight, thursday afternoon/night and friday during the day. these are already nights where i won’t be able to have dinner with my family (mom, stepdad, brother and stepsisters) so im trying to maximise my time with them. i’ve already had dinners with each of my boyfriends parents and his parents and siblings are invited to a going away party im having on saturday during the day.
i had a bad harassment situation with an ex friend at the end of high school, and had a panic attack a couple months ago that caused me to ghost anyone who had contact with him, so i don’t even know how to contact some friends about maybe seeing them/them coming to the party. i also don’t like big events because historically at my events people end up being selfish and ruining them for me. the only reason i agreed to this is because i know my mom wanted one.
another thing is people are still asking to see me, my boyfriends grandparents wanted to see me on friday, but i had to turn them down because its too close and there is no way im missing dinner with my family on one of the last days i might have it. my dad who i cut off in november 2022 messaged me wanting to see me, but i ignored him because he’s a POS. i’m afraid my grandmother (seeing me at the party on saturday) will push about it.
i don’t understand why people didn’t ask further out from my moving date. i’ve been very clear about the date of my flight for months now and now people want me to give up precious time with my family (especially my mom who i have anxious attachement to). i know it sounds rude. i told my mom about the issue and she agrees that i shouldn’t go to dinner on friday but also thinks i should be “a bit more tolerant”.
2024.05.14 11:52 Realistic-Loquat-607 In R, should I delete old affair conversations
(Any advice from anyone is welcome) Just a quick question. In my WhatsApp chat with my boyfriend (he is in the military so we use it a lot) are the old conversations from a year ago when the A was happening. Every few months I spiral and go all the way back to those messages and read them, even though we are doing great now. Should I delete them so I can move on? Is that what yous have done? I am afraid, I keep them so I don't forget. I don't want to forget how bad it was, but I also don't want to read them ever again.
submitted by Realistic-Loquat-607 to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 11:51 SunshineHero Controlling DM, Controlling Player
Not sure this counts as a horror story, but my friends think I should post this, so here it is. It all took place years ago so my memory isn't the best, but I did document some events or was so grossed out I will never be able to forget.
TLTR: DM ignores everyone and gets mad when I tell him no, don't know if I'm the problem or not.
Couple years ago I used to play dnd with a group of online friends. Our first game was classic one. We met in a tavern, showed interest in same quest and teamed up for it and our party agreed to share the loot. I was playing elven bard, DM's girlfriend (I'll call her Stacey) was playing orc barbarian Snak, and since other 4 players never really spoke up or added to this story I won't confuse you with too many details.
Our first few sessions were somewhat fine, ignoring the time a bandit leader made a r*** threat at my character during our very first fight, but on our 3rd session we almost got all killed during a difficult fight we were not ready for. After that the DM decided to introduce his DMPC to the party, a dragonborn fighter. He joined us on the quest and off we went. When we reached the ruins where the item we were supposed to retrieve was, we were faced with an army of orcs and two live statues. Looking back it was likely set up to be show of strength for the DMPC, but in the moment I thought we were all going to die. We were only level 3 and if five cursed bears almost TPK us, no way could we face 20+ orcs and two statues. I was playing horny bard stereotype, something I checked with the whole group and everyone was okay with, so I asked dm if I could roll to seduce a few of them to give the party even a small chance to make it out of here alive. I roll Nat 20 and the dm tells me I seduce the whole army, which took them out but landed my character pregnant. I was uncomfortable with that, but it made sense in a way so I didn't say anything. I sat out the fight against the remaining statues, which confirmed alone that yes, if the orcs had been involved we would all be dead.
We do our thing, a player includes second character, a warforged fighter. The next couple sessions nothing bad happens rp wise, but I did notice a pattern during combat. Most had taken up second characters, so the party started getting closer and closer to 10 members. I was always last in turn, and the DMPC and his gf were if not first, then second, and when it finally came my turn after 6 other player characters everyone who survived DM and Stacey was already dead. I brought it up with the dm, who promised to boost my Initiative from 2 to 4 to let me get at least bardic inspiration in. He did, and the fights after that I was closer to middle, but come my turn everyone was already dead. No matter the enemies, I got maybe 3 turns after that in total during the whole adventure. He also started ignoring every other character, making the whole quest about Snak. The only relevance anyone else had was my bard being Snak's friend, and DMPC her boyfriend. Everyone else totally ignored. We eventually stop playing that campaign as the dm was now rewriting the story, and started a new one.
The new game was superhero themed and honestly not that bad, the DMPC still being totally overpowered, but at least there were enough enemies to give everyone a turn, even if the DM killed everyone left on his second turn. The only bad thing really was the dm making me play info broker npc without giving me any heads up, or asking me if I was okay playing npcs for him. I would have been if he had asked even an hour in advance instead of right before interaction with said npc. Outside of making his dmpc the offical leader of our hero team, nothing alarming happened, and we retired the campaign 5 sessions in due to unfinished writing.
Next campaign was one shot. I was heavily drunk when the dm asked me to make my character over text and with voice messages I managed to make rogue tabaxi named River who liked to look into peoples pockets. The game took place next day and in serious hangover I didn't feel like changing my character, so I went with it. Except instead of just looking and taking maybe 5 coins or less the dm described how River stole everything the characters had from their coats to last penny of their life savings, and not stopping even when I begged him to, or letting me put the items back. I had to waste my time finding where these characters live to return the items I unwillingly stole. I ended up no longer doing anything in the game, as checking pockets was the only entertainment I had while the DMPC and Stacey's character played the story.
However my last straw came when I decided to set up my first campaign and asked our forever dm to join as player. This was my first time dming and I was reading every rulebook I could find. We were playing on Roll 20 and Marcus (the dm) had bought some additional content and offered to let me use them. I told him "Thanks, but I prefer doing it myself so I can learn everything better. It was still nice of you to offer tho." He got really mad, going on a rant of how I didn't appreciate/like him and how I was basically saying "No, f*** you." I was really confused and spent the whole night trying to apologize and saying I didn't mean that at all. It was a bad night and made me feel awful. We eventually moved past it and started making characters. Another player wanted a bard cobalt whose only weapons were a lute and a dagger. I knew right away his combat would not end well, so to bring him to same level with other characters I let him pick a level 5 spell and he wanted Hold Monster. Still not very useful but at least he was more balanced. Marcus threw a fit, asking what if someone wanted a fighter, what benefits could they get, and so on. Again it took me forever to calm him down and beg him to just trust me on this.
Final straw for me was when came the time to make his character. He wanted Tortle with a shotgun as a weapon. I was worried, because the world the game was set in was close to Lord of the Rings as far as technology went, so gunpowder wasn't invented yet. I asked if the gun could be powered by mana stone or something magical, but he once again got mad and complained I wasn't listening to him. He went on a long rant saying he was afraid of me, I was mean and controlling and so on. We eventually agreed his character was first to invent gunpowder, and since my only issue was gone I was more tan happy to let him have that.
I should have distanced myself from him then and there, but it wasn't until I sent my friends online and irl screenshots of the converstation asking if I was really like that, trying to get a mirror pointed at me, when it finally hit me how toxic this was. All my friends agreed I had done nothing wrong, so maybe it wasn't me who is the problem. This was a pattern, in and out of dnd. I say something with even a hint of rejection, he gets mad, I apologize for an hour, he apologizes and takes the blame, we move on and repeat. I sent him a message saying the campaign was on hold and asking to distance myself from him and saying he could remove me from his server if he wanted to. He got annoyed, but agreed, saying he hoped this would be good for our friendship in the long run. 2 months without contact and he sends me a message, but having realized without him around I had a lot less anxiety, so I ended the friendship and he kicked me from all group servers, dnd included. I'm not close from anyone from that group anymore, but I have heard over half of the members have left because of him, so just maybe I wasn't the problem.
Sorry for the long post and may the dice god bless you with Nat 20 when you need it the most.
submitted by SunshineHero to CritCrab [link] [comments]
TLTR: DM ignores everyone and gets mad when I tell him no, don't know if I'm the problem or not.
Couple years ago I used to play dnd with a group of online friends. Our first game was classic one. We met in a tavern, showed interest in same quest and teamed up for it and our party agreed to share the loot. I was playing elven bard, DM's girlfriend (I'll call her Stacey) was playing orc barbarian Snak, and since other 4 players never really spoke up or added to this story I won't confuse you with too many details.
Our first few sessions were somewhat fine, ignoring the time a bandit leader made a r*** threat at my character during our very first fight, but on our 3rd session we almost got all killed during a difficult fight we were not ready for. After that the DM decided to introduce his DMPC to the party, a dragonborn fighter. He joined us on the quest and off we went. When we reached the ruins where the item we were supposed to retrieve was, we were faced with an army of orcs and two live statues. Looking back it was likely set up to be show of strength for the DMPC, but in the moment I thought we were all going to die. We were only level 3 and if five cursed bears almost TPK us, no way could we face 20+ orcs and two statues. I was playing horny bard stereotype, something I checked with the whole group and everyone was okay with, so I asked dm if I could roll to seduce a few of them to give the party even a small chance to make it out of here alive. I roll Nat 20 and the dm tells me I seduce the whole army, which took them out but landed my character pregnant. I was uncomfortable with that, but it made sense in a way so I didn't say anything. I sat out the fight against the remaining statues, which confirmed alone that yes, if the orcs had been involved we would all be dead.
We do our thing, a player includes second character, a warforged fighter. The next couple sessions nothing bad happens rp wise, but I did notice a pattern during combat. Most had taken up second characters, so the party started getting closer and closer to 10 members. I was always last in turn, and the DMPC and his gf were if not first, then second, and when it finally came my turn after 6 other player characters everyone who survived DM and Stacey was already dead. I brought it up with the dm, who promised to boost my Initiative from 2 to 4 to let me get at least bardic inspiration in. He did, and the fights after that I was closer to middle, but come my turn everyone was already dead. No matter the enemies, I got maybe 3 turns after that in total during the whole adventure. He also started ignoring every other character, making the whole quest about Snak. The only relevance anyone else had was my bard being Snak's friend, and DMPC her boyfriend. Everyone else totally ignored. We eventually stop playing that campaign as the dm was now rewriting the story, and started a new one.
The new game was superhero themed and honestly not that bad, the DMPC still being totally overpowered, but at least there were enough enemies to give everyone a turn, even if the DM killed everyone left on his second turn. The only bad thing really was the dm making me play info broker npc without giving me any heads up, or asking me if I was okay playing npcs for him. I would have been if he had asked even an hour in advance instead of right before interaction with said npc. Outside of making his dmpc the offical leader of our hero team, nothing alarming happened, and we retired the campaign 5 sessions in due to unfinished writing.
Next campaign was one shot. I was heavily drunk when the dm asked me to make my character over text and with voice messages I managed to make rogue tabaxi named River who liked to look into peoples pockets. The game took place next day and in serious hangover I didn't feel like changing my character, so I went with it. Except instead of just looking and taking maybe 5 coins or less the dm described how River stole everything the characters had from their coats to last penny of their life savings, and not stopping even when I begged him to, or letting me put the items back. I had to waste my time finding where these characters live to return the items I unwillingly stole. I ended up no longer doing anything in the game, as checking pockets was the only entertainment I had while the DMPC and Stacey's character played the story.
However my last straw came when I decided to set up my first campaign and asked our forever dm to join as player. This was my first time dming and I was reading every rulebook I could find. We were playing on Roll 20 and Marcus (the dm) had bought some additional content and offered to let me use them. I told him "Thanks, but I prefer doing it myself so I can learn everything better. It was still nice of you to offer tho." He got really mad, going on a rant of how I didn't appreciate/like him and how I was basically saying "No, f*** you." I was really confused and spent the whole night trying to apologize and saying I didn't mean that at all. It was a bad night and made me feel awful. We eventually moved past it and started making characters. Another player wanted a bard cobalt whose only weapons were a lute and a dagger. I knew right away his combat would not end well, so to bring him to same level with other characters I let him pick a level 5 spell and he wanted Hold Monster. Still not very useful but at least he was more balanced. Marcus threw a fit, asking what if someone wanted a fighter, what benefits could they get, and so on. Again it took me forever to calm him down and beg him to just trust me on this.
Final straw for me was when came the time to make his character. He wanted Tortle with a shotgun as a weapon. I was worried, because the world the game was set in was close to Lord of the Rings as far as technology went, so gunpowder wasn't invented yet. I asked if the gun could be powered by mana stone or something magical, but he once again got mad and complained I wasn't listening to him. He went on a long rant saying he was afraid of me, I was mean and controlling and so on. We eventually agreed his character was first to invent gunpowder, and since my only issue was gone I was more tan happy to let him have that.
I should have distanced myself from him then and there, but it wasn't until I sent my friends online and irl screenshots of the converstation asking if I was really like that, trying to get a mirror pointed at me, when it finally hit me how toxic this was. All my friends agreed I had done nothing wrong, so maybe it wasn't me who is the problem. This was a pattern, in and out of dnd. I say something with even a hint of rejection, he gets mad, I apologize for an hour, he apologizes and takes the blame, we move on and repeat. I sent him a message saying the campaign was on hold and asking to distance myself from him and saying he could remove me from his server if he wanted to. He got annoyed, but agreed, saying he hoped this would be good for our friendship in the long run. 2 months without contact and he sends me a message, but having realized without him around I had a lot less anxiety, so I ended the friendship and he kicked me from all group servers, dnd included. I'm not close from anyone from that group anymore, but I have heard over half of the members have left because of him, so just maybe I wasn't the problem.
Sorry for the long post and may the dice god bless you with Nat 20 when you need it the most.
2024.05.14 11:48 cbell932 Am i in the wrong for adding the boys my friend is talking to on snapchat?
So I (15 f) have a friend(15 f) let's call her lily. Lily and I have been friends for about a year and a half but I still regard her as one of my closest friends. For a big of context, lily has gotten 2 boyfriends in the past term (lets call the first one ben and the second one james), and then recently a boy who likes her came into the picture (lets call him dave).
So, the story starts with lily texting me last night saying this "(my name) I’m not trying to start anything even though I don’t like (the boy that likes her) it’s still annoying that you add every guy I talk too so can you stop doing that please I’m not mad or anything but it js pisses me off a bit sorry". So, basically she's mad at me because I added her boyfriends and a guy who liked her on snapchat(the guy who liked her added me first).
I didn't add them because I liked them or anything of the sort, I added them because I like to have lots of friends on snapchat. That's all. And they weren't the only people I was adding at that time.
In hindsight, when replying to this I was quite defensive, which I regret, but still didn't understand how i was in the wrong. Later, I texted her saying this "Hey lily, I wanted to talk about what happened with adding the people you're talking to on snapchat. I genuinely want to understand how you're feeling about it. Can we have a chat about it?", she then replied yes.
After some thought as to what I would say, I asked her how it made me feel when I added the boys she was talking to. She then said it was weird that I felt the need to add them and talk to them (I barely talked to them) and that it pissed her off. I then gave my reasons as to why I added them and apologized if I made her feel some type of way.
I was ready to leave it in the past, however, I'm an overthinker and I feel that I can't just forgive and forget. I don't add them because I like them or anything, I just add them to add them. I also want to know if she's going through anything right now because the original message was out of the blue. am I the asshole?
Edit for people in the comments: this was the first time she told me about this issue, I didn't only add the boys she was talking to, she wasn't talking to them all at once she talked to them at separate times. I also only texted them like once each throughout my entire time knowing them.
submitted by cbell932 to AdviceForTeens [link] [comments]
So, the story starts with lily texting me last night saying this "(my name) I’m not trying to start anything even though I don’t like (the boy that likes her) it’s still annoying that you add every guy I talk too so can you stop doing that please I’m not mad or anything but it js pisses me off a bit sorry". So, basically she's mad at me because I added her boyfriends and a guy who liked her on snapchat(the guy who liked her added me first).
I didn't add them because I liked them or anything of the sort, I added them because I like to have lots of friends on snapchat. That's all. And they weren't the only people I was adding at that time.
In hindsight, when replying to this I was quite defensive, which I regret, but still didn't understand how i was in the wrong. Later, I texted her saying this "Hey lily, I wanted to talk about what happened with adding the people you're talking to on snapchat. I genuinely want to understand how you're feeling about it. Can we have a chat about it?", she then replied yes.
After some thought as to what I would say, I asked her how it made me feel when I added the boys she was talking to. She then said it was weird that I felt the need to add them and talk to them (I barely talked to them) and that it pissed her off. I then gave my reasons as to why I added them and apologized if I made her feel some type of way.
I was ready to leave it in the past, however, I'm an overthinker and I feel that I can't just forgive and forget. I don't add them because I like them or anything, I just add them to add them. I also want to know if she's going through anything right now because the original message was out of the blue. am I the asshole?
Edit for people in the comments: this was the first time she told me about this issue, I didn't only add the boys she was talking to, she wasn't talking to them all at once she talked to them at separate times. I also only texted them like once each throughout my entire time knowing them.
2024.05.14 11:46 Putrid-House222 could someone help me understand why this girl (17F) is friends with me& lies to me (17F)?
hi all! i'm a teenager in my 3rd year of high school and am thoroughly confused. in year 10, covid was ending but we were still coming back to school very slowly. i became friends with this girl in my class who is really popular.
in my school, or, in my life, popular people are friends with popular people. i am not popular. i have my little group of friends that i'm happy with at school and then outside i have a different one. at first i thought it was because we rly had no one else to hang out with, but even when school started full-time we continued to be good friends.
one more thing? she's barely close to anyone. she has friends, and she's really scary, but she's always stood up for me and claims me to be her closest/best friend. i just don't get it. it's the weirdest thing because i really doubted my friendship with her, she was known to be this person who would talk about her friends behind their back or even lightly insult them. she also has a ton of influence in our city.
but she never talked about me behind my back or anything. even at school, when people metion her and everyone goes "she's mean to everyone basically" they always say she's never mean to me.
to add to the mix, she lies to me a lot, and not in the way that she lies that i look good when i dont or stuff like that. she makes up stuff about her life.
like, she has this "boyfriend" who i really don't think is real, it's a long story but 1000% sure (it'll take a while for me to explain why) that on multiple occasions she's faked being busy and "given him the phone" to speak to me while being her the whole time.
at the end of the day, i guess i just think it's kind of cool that she makes up all this stuff so elaborately, pretending to be multiple people all just to message me of all people...?
honestly have no clue what to make of this situation. because she has stayed up all night multiple times being these different people and it's just so... odd.
would love any advice any of u have to offer!!
submitted by Putrid-House222 to teenrelationships [link] [comments]
in my school, or, in my life, popular people are friends with popular people. i am not popular. i have my little group of friends that i'm happy with at school and then outside i have a different one. at first i thought it was because we rly had no one else to hang out with, but even when school started full-time we continued to be good friends.
one more thing? she's barely close to anyone. she has friends, and she's really scary, but she's always stood up for me and claims me to be her closest/best friend. i just don't get it. it's the weirdest thing because i really doubted my friendship with her, she was known to be this person who would talk about her friends behind their back or even lightly insult them. she also has a ton of influence in our city.
but she never talked about me behind my back or anything. even at school, when people metion her and everyone goes "she's mean to everyone basically" they always say she's never mean to me.
to add to the mix, she lies to me a lot, and not in the way that she lies that i look good when i dont or stuff like that. she makes up stuff about her life.
like, she has this "boyfriend" who i really don't think is real, it's a long story but 1000% sure (it'll take a while for me to explain why) that on multiple occasions she's faked being busy and "given him the phone" to speak to me while being her the whole time.
at the end of the day, i guess i just think it's kind of cool that she makes up all this stuff so elaborately, pretending to be multiple people all just to message me of all people...?
honestly have no clue what to make of this situation. because she has stayed up all night multiple times being these different people and it's just so... odd.
would love any advice any of u have to offer!!