I’m feeling horrible and I cry every day. How long did it take you to feel like you really knew what you were doing?
I’ve been working in higher education research and sponsored programs since I was in college. I’m getting further into my career and have been bumped up through the ranks a couple of times, soon shifting into a senior role in pre-award development. But…. The bulk of my experience is in human subject research, accreditation submissions, seeking funding opportunities, and private foundational training grants (when I had a short stint in construction). I don’t have a lot of pre-award experience and I feel like I’m walking into a superiority role with nothing but straws to grasp.
I started my current role in December and received partial training for 6 weeks before my department saw a mass exodus and everyone I could’ve asked questions to, left. This should’ve been a warning to me, but I thought that my director would be receptive and recognize the need for leadership adjustments. It was great at first, a lot of encouragement and patience, but now that it’s May, they are very abrasive, have no patience, are unwilling to meet with me (they say they don’t have time, but they set time aside for every other member of the team to have one-on-ones… except me).
I am still learning and make mistakes that I probably shouldn’t at this stage of my training - checking a certain box, putting a dollar sign where it shouldn’t be, messing up an excel formula, asking questions I know have been answered before but I second guess myself.
Life changed and now we have to relocate, and I landed a position I’m really excited about doing the same thing but with leadership responsibilities.
Primarily NIH, NSF, DoD, mostly large foundational grants and federal.
How can I possibly be successful? I WANT to be really good at what I do. In fact, I want to focus on pre-award because that’s how much I enjoy it. But how can I be GOOD at it?
What’s your advice?

So a wee timeline of events - 2 weeks ago (30th April) on the first day of my missed period I took multiple tests which were positive and said around 1-2 weeks, by the date of my last period this would put me at around 6 weeks pregnant now. Last Tuesday (7th May) I had some light spotting so phoned the doctors, they said it would have been too early to see anything on an ultrasound so booked the appointment for 21st of May. I bled for around 5 days but nothing too heavy. Lighter than a usual period for me and no clots or cramping. I am away from home right now so can’t go to my doctor any sooner but I was getting worried so decided to take another test, which came out negative. 2 others after at varying times of day including first pee in the morning have also been negative.
I think I know what this means but just looking for any advice really. Was this a chemical pregnancy? A miscarriage? Or a false positive and delayed period? Need to adjust my headspace before they confirm the worst next Tuesday.
Thanks in advance

I (22f) got a diagnosis of BPD and anxiety earlier in January of this year. Since then, I’ve started to notice tendencies that previously held no space in my mind. I have never really had friends growing up. I can’t maintain relationships like that. After a certain amount of time of my pathological people pleasing and overapologizing, they’ll do something that’ll cause me to silently and secretly flip out and then I pull away or lash out, ultimately severing ties. The aggression I feel is inward and towards myself as opposed to other people. I often feel this intense hatred of myself for how I feel in these friendships and the fact that I can’t maintain them. When I was younger, my parents kept me in a lot of activities. I was never not doing something after school or on the weekends. I would ask to quit things like ballet and violin lessons but it would make my mom cry and she wouldn’t understand. As a young adult, I worked 2 to 3 jobs at a time while getting my bachelor’s. My anxiety won’t let me rest. I finally had a meltdown at my day job as a paralegal and impulsively quit. Luckily, they were understanding and have offered a job in the future for me to come back when I’m ready. I feel guilty and undeserving of this, especially in low moments. I’ve attempted to hold other full time positions but keep impulsively quitting or just not showing up to interviews. I am scared after not being able to work or show up to an interview at 5 different jobs within a year that I’ll never have a real career.
I have been able to maintain my music career though. It’s very simple work. Pays a couple hundred a week for the most part and offers a very flexible schedule. I live with my parents so it works for now. I am a professional theater musician. I’ve toured with a couple productions but have been stationary and only playing off Broadway and other regional theater gigs after I came home this past summer. I was at a very low point last summer once I got home. If I’m not busy, I think too much.
During this point, a colleague asked if I could join this random duo and form a band. The singer was allegedly in a national tour (I come to find out it’s like a kids bop thing, has a great voice, but in the end, no real work experience). We worked together for 6 or 7 months. About 2 months ago, we had a very personal convo. I brought up my BPD because I felt it was relevant and these people had similar mental health struggles. Despite the fact I mentioned my struggle with fitting in and my anxiety of being unheard, disregarded and unseen, Sunday night they told me that our only paying gig was going to be cancelled. It was not. They went without me. I found out yesterday morning. I also found out that they had removed me from all social media on Sunday which fucking crushed me. We were planning for me to leave the group at the end of June but had a non paying festival coming up that almost 3 hours away that I was still supposed to play at. I understand I would be leaving the group, but I wasn’t gone yet. They expected me to keep playing thru June 30 even after wiping my existence from their image. Though I don’t want to work with them and I wasn’t enjoying my time with them, I still feel so rejected. How can I feel rejected by people I don’t want? I don’t need recognition in a garage band, just honesty and respect. I felt unheard, unseen and unimportant. Everything I told them I was scared of feeling and everything that really triggers my harmful thoughts. Now those intense thoughts that I’m a terrible person and I deserve this, I deserve the negative thoughts and the self harm, are back and pretty strong. I know they aren’t putting that much thought into it but they certainly have made it obvious how they view me. I feel proud of the fact that I didn’t immediately react and bring it up to them. I responded the next day. I know I would have behaved horribly if I had addressed this before calming down.
Last night, they had a gig that I was supposed to go to. I asked a musicians subreddit for advice that morning, whether I should attend the gig or not. Quitting is a shitty thing to do especially less than 10 hours before the gig. I’ve always been flaky at the other jobs but when it comes to my music career, I always see things through. Out of respect, I do the jobs I commit to. This time, I did not go. I called them. Told them how I felt and cried. I told them I would not feel comfortable being on stage in front of people in a state like this. I deleted my post out of fear that maybe they would find it. I saved the comments though. They were helpful for me yesterday. I am scared my reputation as a musician might take a hit but my family say that’s paranoid thinking. I’m definitely skimming over the details but there was a lot more that went on.
I don’t know if these are real reasons that are valid for quitting or if I’ve corrupted the story enough to make sure I was the good person and they’ve become the bad ones. I can’t trust my own thoughts. The majority of the subreddit told me that I knew my answer and that I shouldn’t have to ask for permission to back out. Made me remember how much I rely on asking for permission.
I wanna learn how to feel good about the decisions I make. I don’t want to feel like everything I do is wrong. I don’t want to ask myself every time something happens whether I imagined it or if they actually treated me poorly. I can’t trust my own mind to tell me what’s right. My parents always told me I was overly sensitive and dramatic growing up. Maybe I was too sensitive and gave a dramatic response. Maybe I really was the bad person in the situation. I wish I knew how to tell if I was the bad person, if I was in the wrong. I feel regretful over how I responded. I know that I’ll be happier without this group. I often left rehearsals and shows feeling bad about myself, feeling pushed aside, feeling stupid. I don’t know if those feelings were real and if they truly were the ones to make me feel that way. Or if this is just what I do to myself.
I am so fucking jealous of the people that are confident and love themselves. I hate them
Sorry this was so fucking long, needed to vent.
TL;DR I struggle to maintain jobs and make friends. I’m scared that I can’t trust my own mind. Do I imagine people treat me poorly or do I corrupt the story to make sure I’m the good person? I don’t know how to tell if I am the issue.

Mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) is the subject of heated debate. How are mast cell activation syndromes defined? Which diseases are included? What is the diagnosis and treatment of mast cell activation syndrome? Prof. Dr. Knut Brockow, Clinic and Polyclinic for Dermatology and Allergology at the Biederstein, Technical University of Munich answers these questions in an interview with MeinAllergiePortal.
Mast cell activation syndrome: The most important facts!
-The prototype of mast cell activation syndrome is recurrent anaphylaxis
-Other forms of idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome are being sought; however, there are mainly symptom descriptions where the diagnosis cannot be made
-Clinical suspicion of MCAS is based on recurring allergy-like symptoms on the skin, nose, respiratory tract, gastrointestinal tract and circulation
-The diagnosis of MCAS is made according to recognized international criteria based on three criteria
-MCAS is often suspected even when symptoms are inappropriate and the diagnosis is unclear; the suspicion is then not helpful for patients
-The same medications are used to treat MCAS as are used to treat allergies, in particular antihistamines and cromoglicic acid
Prof. Brockow, what kind of disease is MCAS?
Mast cell activation syndrome is not an established diagnosis, but rather a concept. Historically, this concept arose because an increasing number of patients came to the doctor's office with complaints that gave the impression of having been triggered by mast cells. These patients sometimes showed symptoms similar to those of allergic reactions, anaphylaxis or mastocytosis, but a clear diagnosis for these diseases could not be made. Nevertheless, it was suspected that there could at least be a connection with mast cell diseases. Unfortunately, the term MCAS created more uncertainty than understanding. This is because MCAS is now thrown around as a diagnosis for many patients with many symptoms and an unclear diagnosis. This is not helpful for patients and fuels short-term hope of diagnosis and cure, which cannot be fulfilled later.
Is MCAS an autoimmune disease?
No, in autoimmune diseases mast cells are not primarily involved and not as lead cells, but lymphocytes that attack the body's own structures, in some cases by forming antibodies.
Is there a connection between mast cell activation syndrome and autoimmune diseases?
No, there is no known connection between MCAS and autoimmune diseases. It has also been claimed by specific authors that other diseases, such as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) and myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) are related to mast cell activation syndrome. However, there are no good arguments for this. Unfortunately, such claims are easy to make and difficult to refute.
What is the cause of mast cell activation syndrome?
Mast cell activation syndrome is actually more of a symptom description than a diagnosis in its own right. Mast cell activation syndrome is fully applicable to recurrent anaphylaxis (severe allergic reactions in several organ systems such as the skin, respiratory tract, digestive tract and circulatory system), for example due to insect bites. All the criteria for mast cell activation syndrome are met here. Severe allergic reactions are the most common cause of MCAS. However, although the term MCAS is correct in this context, it does not provide any additional information, as patients with such events are better described as patients with a diagnosis of anaphylaxis or allergy, and the term MCAS is somewhat confusing.
Is mast cell activation syndrome genetic?
MCAS itself is not genetic, but patients with the genetic disease mastocytosis often suffer from anaphylaxis, particularly to insect venom, and therefore MCAS. In addition, it is currently being investigated whether people with genetically determined hereditary alpha-tryptasemia suffer more frequently from MCAS.
How did the term mast cell activation syndrome come about?
There were many patients without a clear diagnosis, some of whom predominantly showed the symptoms typical of mast cell diseases. Accordingly, the experts dealing with mast cell diseases saw the need to develop a concept that took into account the “undiagnosable” symptoms of the patients. In the course of this, the terms “mast cell activation” and “mast cell activation syndrome” were defined. In addition, an attempt was made to sort all mast cell diseases into a classification with regard to mast cell activation. However, the difficulty in classifying these complaints is that many of the complaints described by patients are subjective, relatively non-specific and can be both organic and psychosomatic.
How have you defined mast cell diseases and which diseases do they include?
Mast cell diseases are defined as recurring chronic symptoms that are compatible with mast cell activation.
Mast cell activation is classified on the basis of three criteria:
Recurrent typical clinical symptoms in at least two organ systems
An increase in mast cell mediators can be detected in the blood, most frequently by determining the serum tryptase level during an acute attack
Good response of symptoms to anti-mast cell mediator-directed therapy, especially H1 antihistamines
What types of mast cell disease are there?
The classification of mast cell diseases associated with mast cell activation syndromes defines three groups:
1. primary mast cell activation syndrome
Primary mast cell activation syndrome is explained by a clonal expansion of mutated overactive mast cells. It manifests as systemic or cutaneous mastocytosis. If these criteria are not completely fulfilled, but clonal mast cells have been detected, it is referred to as monoclonal mast cell activation syndrome.
2 Secondary mast cell activation syndrome
Secondary mast cell activation syndrome is present when clear triggers of mast cell activation are known. There are established terms for secondary mast cell activation syndrome that we are more familiar with, such as “anaphylaxis” to a known trigger. The classification in the second group of mast cell diseases is therefore merely a reclassification. Examples of mast cell activation are physical urticaria or cold urticaria. Allergies such as pollen allergies are also secondary mast cell activations, as hay fever also causes symptoms typical of mast cell diseases. In pollen allergies, mast cell mediators are found in the blood serum and drugs directed against mast cells have a good effect. If the symptoms recur in several organ systems, this is referred to as mast cell activation syndrome.
3. tertiary or idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome
Tertiary or idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome refers to mast cell diseases whose triggers are unknown. This group would include, for example, chronic spontaneous urticaria, which has additional symptoms in other organs. Here we know that mast cells are activated, but not by what. This group of idiopathic mast cell activation syndromes would also include patients with as yet undescribed clinical pictures who do not fulfill the diagnostic criteria of known mast cell diseases, e.g. allergy, anaphylaxis, but in whom the disease is triggered by mast cells. In these patients, however, the connection between the symptoms and the activities of the mast cells must be proven.
Does this mean that tertiary or idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome is a diagnosis of exclusion?
Idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome can be described as a diagnosis of exclusion insofar as the prerequisite for the diagnosis is that there is no other disease causing the symptoms. However, the symptoms described are often very, very unspecific and could also be caused by a variety of other diseases. However, there are the three criteria for mast cell activation syndrome already mentioned. If these are not all fulfilled, this diagnosis cannot be made.
How common is mast cell activation syndrome?
Anaphylaxis and severe recurrent allergies are not uncommon and represent the vast majority of appropriate cases for MCAS. In addition, mastocytosis patients often have multiple anaphylaxis and therefore also MCAS. However, our initial idea of finding a new disease, idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome, has not yet been confirmed. There are many patients with many symptoms for whom a clear organic diagnosis cannot yet be made. However, it is almost never possible to prove that a defect in the mast cells is primarily responsible for the symptoms. Many of these patients describe symptoms that could fit, and in some patients anti-allergic drugs also have a positive effect. But in only very few patients can an increase in mast cell mediators be detected during an acute attack. I now believe that somatic stress disorders could play a significant role in many of the patients examined.
Histamine intolerance is also a diagnosis of exclusion, is there a connection with mast cell activation syndrome?
Histamine intolerance can cause similar symptoms, but is not a mast cell disorder and has nothing to do with MCAS. When mast cells are activated, the messenger substance histamine is released, which in turn can cause symptoms. In histamine intolerance, the mast cell is not activated - it is not involved in any way. Rather, histamine intolerance describes patients with an increased sensitivity to histamine, which is supplied, for example, via the diet. This can lead to similar symptoms, but in contrast to mast cell activation syndrome, histamine intolerance has a clear trigger, histamine. As a result, the symptoms occur after eating histamine-rich foods, but disappear again if the patient follows a low-histamine diet. A test is also available to diagnose histamine intolerance.
So there are also patients with suspected mast cell activation syndrome who cannot be assigned to a classification group, even though they have corresponding symptoms?
There are many patients in whom no mast cell activation syndrome can be detected despite suspicion. They do not fit into one of the three groups. However, this also used to include monoclonal mast cell activation syndrome. These patients showed anaphylaxis and a KIT mutation, but not the full criteria for mastocytosis. In the meantime, a separate disease diagnosis has been created for these patients. The independent accepted disease of these patients therefore lies between mastocytosis and normal findings.
We thought that there might be other forms of idiopathic MCAS with clinical pictures that have not yet been described. However, this is not supported by the findings to date. There are patients who show symptoms but do not meet the necessary criteria for idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome. In these patients, the diagnosis remains unclear. In how many of these patients functional physical complaints play a role still needs to be investigated.
Are there risk factors that favor mast cell activation syndrome?
There are hardly any recognized studies on this. In a study conducted by Cem Akin in the USA, patients were examined who met the three criteria for idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome. They had the right symptoms, there was an increase in mediators and their symptoms improved with treatment. It was shown that many of these patients suffered from urticaria factitia, a scratch-induced urticaria, abdominal pain and flushing.
Recently, a genetic trait was discovered, hereditary alpha-tryptasemia with elevated basal serum tryptase levels. In patients with this trait and insect venom allergy, the severity of the allergic reaction appears to be increased. It is also discussed that the frequency of mast cell activation syndrome is increased in patients with this genetic trait. However, the published studies are not yet unanimous in this respect.
What symptoms can occur with MCAS?
The following symptoms could be signs of mast cell activation syndrome:
MCAS symptoms on the skin:
Appearance of sudden intense redness (flushing)
itching
wheal formation
Deep wheal formation (angioedema or Quincke's edema)
MCAS symptoms on the nose:
Nasal congestion
Nasal itching
MCAS symptoms in the airways:
Swelling of the upper airways
Wheezing
Shortness of breath
MCAS symptoms of the digestive tract:
Vomiting
abdominal pain
diarrhea
Systemic MCAS symptoms:
Syncope - where you suddenly lose consciousness, but only for a short time
Sudden drop in blood pressure
Allergic shock
These symptoms can occur together or individually. In principle, symptoms must occur in two or more organ systems for MCAS. These symptoms, together with the typical skin changes and anaphylaxis, are also typical of mastocytosis.
Are muscle pain and hair loss also symptoms of MCAS?
No, why would anyone think that these symptoms are primarily caused by a malfunction of mast cells? Mast cells are not important cells for muscle pain and hair loss.
How is MCAS diagnosed?
MCAS is a diagnosis of exclusion, i.e. there is no mast cell activation syndrome test. However, this does not mean that all other diseases must be ruled out before a diagnosis of MCAS can be made.
When testing directly for mast cell activation syndrome, three criteria would be examined, all of which must be met, not just two:
First, there must be a matching of symptoms to see if the above symptoms are leading, recurrent and occur in at least two organ systems.
Is there a substantial or complete improvement in the clinical symptoms when taking anti-allergic medication, antihistamines or cromoglicic acid? Then this criterion would apply.
The blood levels of tryptase in the serum can now be examined at two different points in time. This would check whether there is an increase in mast cell mediators or tryptase in the blood serum in a highly symptomatic phase or during a seizure compared to a time when there are no symptoms.
What does the tryptase level in the blood mean in the diagnosis of mast cell activation syndrome?
If the mast cell mediator tryptase rises by 20 percent of the basal value, i.e. the initial value, + 2 ng/ml during such an episode, the diagnosis of mast cell activation syndrome has been made without the need to rule out other diseases beforehand. However, taking blood samples to determine the tryptase levels is very time-consuming, because a blood sample should be taken in the normal state and then another blood sample should be taken during a seizure or a highly symptomatic episode. This means that the patient must see a doctor in good time for a blood test during the acute phase. If these tests are negative, mast cell activation syndrome cannot be confirmed.
Elevated tryptase levels also play a role in anaphylaxis, is there a connection with mast cell activation syndrome?
Anaphylaxis is an extremely strong mast cell activation, the “prototype” of mast cell activation, so to speak. The tryptase level rises, so that it is considered an indicator of anaphylaxis. Here too, the basal value is measured and compared with the value during an episode. The relevant factor is the resulting increase in the tryptase value. The therapy against mast cells is effective in this case. In this respect, anaphylaxis is the classic form of mast cell activation syndrome.
The tryptase value also plays a role in the diagnosis of mastocytosis, what are the correlations here?
Mastocytosis patients also have an elevated baseline tryptase level. This is therefore an indication of mastocytosis and an indication for a final diagnosis by means of a bone marrow biopsy. However, there is also a mastocytosis-independent correlation between tryptase and anaphylaxis. People who have a higher number of mast cells often develop more severe anaphylaxis than people with fewer mast cells. The tryptase basal value is therefore considered a kind of indicator for the total mast cells in the body. For example, insect venom anaphylactic patients with elevated basal mast cell tryptase levels in the blood are at increased risk of severe anaphylaxis.
What can be done against MCAS and which medications help?
The aim of treatment for mast cell activation syndrome is to slow down the effect of the overactivated mast cells and to calm the mast cells. In particular, the avoidance of allergic triggers is available for this purpose.
Histamine receptor blockers are tried as medication to block the effects of mast cell activation by histamine. Mast cell stabilizers or blockers of mast cell release, cromoglicic acid, can also calm the mast cells. Cromoglicic acid is also used in mastocytosis patients. It is important to know that the use of cromoglicic acid is not advisable if the attack has already run its course. On the other hand, many patients achieve a significant improvement in symptoms if cromoglicic acid is taken continuously as a preventive measure and in a sufficiently high dose. This has also been shown to be the case with antihistamines.
Another option would be leukotriene receptor antagonists and corticosteroids in the short term, but never over a longer period of time.
Unfortunately, many patients with previously unexplained complaints are given a suspected diagnosis of MCAS in the hope that this knowledge will lead to better treatment or perhaps a cure. However, apart from the drugs mentioned, which can also be used on a trial basis in cases of suspected MCAS, there are no other useful drugs available. In this respect, the suspicion of MCAS unfortunately does not offer patients any additional treatment options.
Are there foods that activate or deactivate mast cells?
No such foods are known in humans. Of course, it is possible to bombard mast cells in a test tube with high concentrations of food and measure whether the natural activation of mast cells is increased or reduced. However, such tests are generally not meaningful for humans when consumed.
Can naturopathy help with mast cell activation syndrome?
I don't know how it could help. Naturopathy is the attempt to achieve a positive effect through naturally occurring active substances. Is the avoidance of allergens in our natural environment already naturopathy?
Could certain vitamins, for example vitamin C, be beneficial for MCAS?
This is claimed by a few doctors without any convincing results. Vitamin C is also said to help against seasickness. After all, vitamin C, taken in normal amounts, is not harmful and is beneficial. Sometimes the conviction that a substance is good for you also helps. That's why the experiment doesn't bother me.
Is it possible to prevent mast cell activation syndrome?
Yes, by avoiding MCAS with a known trigger. This is the case with allergies. In the case of allergies and recurrent anaphylaxis as a form of MCAS, omalizumab, an antibody against immunoglobulin E, can also be used in individual patients.
Prof. Brockow, thank you very much for this interview!
https://www.mein-allergie-portal.com/mastozytose-mastzellaktivierungssyndrom-mcas/925-idiopathisches-mastzellenaktivierungssyndrom-ein-neues-krankheitsbild.html

As we are getting a trailer for a much changed version of the Second Age today, I decided I would share what a first season in a series might look like for the story of Tolkien’s Second Age, while staying very close to the timeline and characters. I’ve taken some ideas I’ve seen from other creators who have made similar attempts at this, namely Council of Rings and Tolkien Untangled, but most are my own. As of now I’m not aware of a complete outline that exists for the first season of this sort of adaptation. In any case, this outline is essentially a summary of a complete text with 10 chapters that exists but is still in progress.
I’ve split the season into 10 episodes, as I think that’s ideal, and into pairs of 3-episode arcs I call Sagas, which will cover certain time periods. The whole season takes place between SA 725 and SA 1600. At first I started with a compressed timeline that would start in 1200, the year Annatar arrives in Ost-in-Edhil, and Tar-Aldarion would essentially switch places with Tar-Surion. I think that the actual timeline allows for a very interesting look at the differences in passage of time between elves, Númenoreans, and Middle Men. The drawbacks of the actual timeline are that Aldarion dies close to mid-season, whereas in the compressed timeline we could follow Aldarion as he ages throughout the season.
That being said, there are still a few alterations and non-canon additions. The big alteration is that Annatar steals the nine when he leaves Eregion around SA 1500, instead of when he destroys Ost-in-Edhil around SA 1695. The other non-canon additions are Middle Men characters, which there are few examples during this time period, that Annatar can begin to seduce with the Rings of Power.
This was just a bunch of fun for me, but I hope this effort will demonstrate that we can have a great story that stays faithful to Tolkien’s timeline and characters.

Sagas of the Second Age: Season 1
Saga 1 (Episodes 1-3): The Mariner (SA 725-750)
Elrond. In the first prologue scene around SA 440, Elros as an old man arrives in Mithlond to visit his brother Elrond. Elros is fulfilling a promise to Elrond to visit him when he senses death is near. The two brothers spend time together before Elros departs back for Númenor.
Aldarion. Three hundred years later around SA 725 in Númenor, Aldarion and Erendis witness the corination of his father Tar-Meneldur in Armenelos. The next day, Aldarion sets out from Númenor with his grandfather to spend a year at the court of High King Gil-galad, but he is told by Meneldur not to go beyond Mithlond. Eventually, Aldarion decides to travel outside Mithlond, against his father’s wishes. Elrond offers to join him, seeing an opportunity to spend time with his brother’s descendant. Together they discover the dwarf cities of Ered Luin, and then the future site of Vinyalondë at the mouth of the Gwathló. Aldarion discovers the that the Men of Middle-earth are not as evil as he was told by his family in Númenor, and that some even speak the same language of the Edain that he does. Elrond and Aldarion then travel to Amroth’s kingdom in Belfalas. While Amroth is showing Aldarion the black lands of Mordor in the distance, they are ambushed by orcs, and narrowly escape with their lives. Before departing back for Númenor, Aldarion says goodbye to his new friend Elrond and the High King Gil-galad. Back in Númenor, Aldarion meets Erendis again and proposes to her. She asks if he is done with his travels, he says he is, and she accepts.
High King Gil-galad. Gil-galad endeavors to heal the trauma of Middle-earth. While Aldarion is travelling the lands of Middle-earth, he goes to settle a conflict between kingdoms of Gwaithirum and Breeland. A battle ensues between these kingdoms of Men and Gil-galad is unable to stop it. Before Aldarion departs back for Númenor, Gil-galad tells him that he would very much welcome his help in mediating the conflicts of the tribes of Middle-earth, as Aldarion speaks their language. Gil-galad perceives the return of the shadow of Morgoth, and departs to discover the source.
Galadriel. By lake Evendim, Galadriel admits Celebrimbor into her company. Despite the history of their families and some initial distrust between them, they realize they have a shared vision for continuing the great works of Gondolin. Together they discover the dwarf kingdom of Kazad-dûm. Galadriel is able to convince the dwarves of the mutual benefit of their cooperation in crafting. Durin III is eventually convinced, he agrees to allow and to help with the establishment of the future capital of Eregion: Ost-in-Edhil. There the works of the Noldor and dwarves will benefit each other for many centuries.

Saga 2 (Episodes 4-6): The Stirring of Númenor (SA 1075-1350)
Elrond. About three hundred years later in SA 1075, Elrond arrives in Númenor to see his friend, now king, Tar-Aldarion. He is also tasked to ask the Númenoreans to prepare for war, as Gil-galad is now certain of the return of the shadow of Morgoth. Tar-Aldarion, now an old man, has reached an age where he must yeild the sceptre, in the tradition of the Kings of Númenor. He decides to leave Númenor’s official response to Elrond as a decision to his sucessor. Aldarion has only had one daughter Ancalimë with Erendis, and it is clear that there has been much friction in the marriage. His sister’s son Soronto is the nearest male heir. This situation causes a conflict in Armenelos between supporters of Soronto and supporters of Ancalimë, also between those who want to heed Gil-galad's call and those who don't. Ancalimë is seen as the elf-friend, while Soronto is staunchly against the armament of Númenor. Aldarion decides to change the law succession in Númenor in favor of Ancalimë. When Ancalimë is crowned, she reverses her initial position to heed Gil-galad, and decides to preserve Númenor as a land of peace.
Galadriel. Ost-in-Edhil is a great city now, and both elves and dwarves are seen thriving. A visitor from Aman arrives who calls himself Annatar. He demonstrates himself to be akin to the Noldor in his love and expertise with crafts, and says he was a student of Aüle. He wins the favor of Celebrimbor and the Gwaith-i-Mírdain, the crafter's guild, and soon becomes the favored partner of Celebrimbor. As the friction between Galadriel and Annatar increases, Annatar moves the Gwaith-i-Mírdain turn on Galadriel. She decides to depart to Lórinand by route of Kazad-dûm with her daughter Celebrían, while Celeborn stays behid in Eregion. Galadriel is graciously welcomed in Kazad-dûm, and her relationship with the dwarves grows greater. At last, she arrives in Lórinand and meets the King Amdír.

Saga 3 (Episodes 7-9): The Rings of Power (SA 1500-1590)
Celebrimbor. More than a hundred years later, sixteen Rings of Power are forged in Ost-in-Edhil. Celebrimbor and the Gwaith-i-Mírdain agree that seven of the rings should be gifted to the dwarven kings, as a token of thanks for their help in building Ost-in-Edhil. Celebrimbor, however, decides that the rings are too dangerous for Men. Annatar and Celebrimbor have a heated disagreement on this point, and Annatar accuses Celebrimbor of withholding the bliss of Aman from Middle-earth. Annatar absconds with the remaining nine rings. Sensing that he has been deceived, Celebrimbor crafts the Three in secret. He gives two to Gil-galad, and the remaining to Galadriel, and admits that he was wrong to doubt her.
Gil-galad. Minastir, the heir of Númenor, stays in the halls of Gil-galad as Aldarion once did. Minastir meets with the descendants of the Middle Men Adlarion befriended, though many more generations have passed for them than for Minastir. Aldarion’s travels are a tale that some believe to be myth. Gil-galad and Minastir travel the lands of Eriador and mediate the conflicts of Middle Men.
Elrond. Elrond travels to Númenor for the first time in several hundred years on order of High King Gil-galad to implore once more that the Númenóreans to prepare for war. Tar-Teleprian, the second Queen of Númenor, rules in Númenor now. When Elrond arrives and presents the request of Gil-galad, there is a conflict between supporters of Ancalimë’s policy of isolation and those who believe that they should heed Gil-galad, the latter being lead by the Lord of Andunië – Silmariën’s heir. When Elrond presents further evidence that the shadow of Morgoth has returned, Tar-Teleprian ultimately decides that Númenor must prepare for war.
Annatar. Annatar begins seducing the Kings of Men and gifting rings. Annatar arrives in the halls of a Gwaithirum king called Halmir, a descendant of one of the generals of the battle in the first saga. Annatar tells Halmir that the Noldor are withholding the power of prolonged life from mortals, and gifts him a ring. As Halmir is an elf-friend, his ancestors all being loyal to High King Gil-galad, he refuses Annatar’s suggestion. Eventually, Halmir succumbs to his curiosity and doubt and puts the ring on, entering the Realm of Shadows. He perceives immediately that his decay has been slowed, and indeed that the Noldor may have deceived him.

Saga 4 (Episode 10): Orodruin (1600)
Sauron crafts the One Ring in Orodruin, and Barad-dûr, the largest fortress ever built, has been completed. We Annatar standing on at the height of Barad-dûr wearing the One, below his vast legions of orcs.
As soon as the One Ring has been crafted, Galadriel, Celebrimbor, and the others realize they have been deceived and that Annatar was in fact Sauron, and they remove their rings.
The Men who received Rings of Power from Sauron realize too late they are deceived, as they are completely subservient now to the will of Sauron.

Hi all, my gut was first damaged from covid I caught 2 years ago. I believe it caused dysbiosis. After testing I had sibo /sifo /histamine intolerance and high oxalates. I was on treatment for that taking oregano oil, binders and supports etc. My diet was limited and I was just eating lean steak, ground beef, and boiled veggies for every meal. I was sick but not as bad as I am now. Out of nowhere one day my stool was green and smelt like cow manure, I would get dizzy for a few seconds randomly but especially aftewhile eating. Mh fight/flight response would trigger randomly and my anxiety was worse. I was reacting to the ground beef. I then struggled to eat other protein because I would get histamine reactions from them. Then I started reacting to everything and it wasn't histamine I believe it's immflamation. My ears get red, heart rate and pressure goes up and I feel so sick. I eat and feel like I have the flu for hours. It's very scary I'm losing weight and am just eating lamb and veggies now. I did labwork with my doc and we discovered I have 0 good bacteria in my gut but I don't have sibo/sifo anymore so I don't have to be on a limited diet. I've tried a little fruit /pasta but I could barely walk the next day after. My doc thinks it's food allerges and leaky gut so I'm taking so many supplements a day for this. I'm trying to be patient but it's been weeks and I'm not really seeing improvement. I'm on day 5 of a probiotic and I know those take time. This is just getting scary and I'm desperate to get my life back. I've lost so much. If anyone has any ideas I'd greatly appreciate it. I was thinking maybe the oregano oil damaged my gut? I'm not sure cause like I said this all just started out of nowhere.

A few upfront disclaimers:

• No, a scent won’t make a woman instantly become attracted to you in most instances.
  
• No, you don’t NEED a scent/fragrance to attract women. (Can see the comments now: “I do great with women and I don’t wear anything!” We get it.)
  
• Wearing a scent won’t matter if you have fundamentally poor hygiene (don’t bathe, brush teeth, wear some form of deodorant). Take care of those first.
  

One final note—don’t bathe yourself in your fragrance. One or two sprays max behind the ears, or on the back of your neck. You don’t want to drown out your natural musk or skin scent. If a woman is attracted to you, she’ll find your natural scent appealing, as long as you don't have terrible body odor.

1. Mont Blanc Legend

Mont Blanc might be the GOAT when it comes to affordable fragrances that appeal to women (and people in general). Some say that this scent is very similar to Abercrombie and Fitch Fierce. Don’t worry if you think this will make you smell like a mall in the early 2000’s. It won’t. Women generally seem to be drawn to the scent profile that Legend, A&F Fierce, and Parfum de Marly Percival share. They all smell very fresh, woody, and traditionally masculine. My first recommendation of those would be to go with Legend first.
Note: I would also highly recommend Mont Blanc Explorer, which smells like a fresher, lighter version of Creed’s Aventus.

1. Versace Eros EDT

Eros is a mix of fresh and sweet, it smells very youthful. I don’t personally own it, but I’ve sampled it several times. I can see the appeal. Of all fragrances men have mentioned get the most compliments from women, Versace always come out on top. I believe that this is because it’s somewhat attention grabbing, and would work well standing out in a club or party setting.

1. Prada Luna Rossa Carbon

This scent smells shares similarities to Dior’s Sauvage, which is currently the best selling men’s fragrance on the market. Women generally react positively to Sauvage. In my opinion, Carbon smells like a more refined, smoother version of Sauvage, but still has the same attention-grabbing factor. Personally, I’ve received comments and positive feedback on Prada. This is a good alternative to Sauvage if you want something that’s more toned down, but will get you the same effect.

1. Bleu De Chanel EDP

Bleu De Chanel, like Sauvage, has become almost ubiquitous with men’s fragrances over the past several years. Some say it’s slightly generic, but I thoroughly disagree— especially in the case of the Eau de Parfum. It’s refined, masculine, clean, and has a very slight sweet edge to it. I’ve always gotten good feedback in person, especially in my relationship. If you search online, men list Bleu de Chanel as one of their most attention-grabbing and complimented fragrances. If you’re looking for a scent that makes you feel sophisticated, and is also versatile, look into BDC.

1. Dolce and Gabbana The One

On a personal note, my girlfriend hates this fragrance on me, but I’m still adding it to the top 5, based on the feedback I got from women during my single days. It’s a sweet but masculine scent, and has been described as the quintessential date night fragrance. Probably not the best fragrance if you want to be bold and announce your presence in club-type setting, but if you want to project the image of someone who is seductive and has their shit together, The One is the perfect choice. Try layering this with BDC for added effect.

1. Chanel Platinum Egoiste

If you’re looking for a classic “boss scent”— this is the ultimate choice. The scent is slightly retro, masculine, cold, and green. It might be harder to pull off if you’re on the younger side, but this is my go-to for a confidence boost, and my girl absolutely loves it. It’s a classic that you might not smell out and about as often anymore, so you will stand apart from the Sauvages of the world with this. Hall of Fame for sure.
Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/style-fundamentals-5-scents-that

Standard response on this sub is to wear a suit or at the very least business casual for the written test. However, both of these test are on the same day for me. Written first, then the physical. I don’t want to appear unprofessional, but they state if you pass the written then you head straight to the physical. Location for the physical has not been disclosed yet. The written test is at the police department.
The only disclosure of what to wear is in the email they sent, stating “Please be prepared with appropriate athletic attire for the physical test.” I may have shit for brains, but this means to wear athletic attire for both test, right? Especially since the written is first, followed by the physical.
I would reach out to the department, but I run the risk of actually sounding like I have shit for brains. Figured it would be safer to ask you very kind people.

A few upfront disclaimers:

• No, a scent won’t make a woman instantly become attracted to you in most instances.
  
• No, you don’t NEED a scent/fragrance to attract women. (Can see the comments now: “I do great with women and I don’t wear anything!” We get it.)
  
• Wearing a scent won’t matter if you have fundamentally poor hygiene (don’t bathe, brush teeth, wear some form of deodorant). Take care of those first.
  

One final note—don’t bathe yourself in your fragrance. One or two sprays max behind the ears, or on the back of your neck. You don’t want to drown out your natural musk or skin scent. If a woman is attracted to you, she’ll find your natural scent appealing, as long as you don't have terrible body odor.

1. Mont Blanc Legend

Mont Blanc might be the GOAT when it comes to affordable fragrances that appeal to women (and people in general). Some say that this scent is very similar to Abercrombie and Fitch Fierce. Don’t worry if you think this will make you smell like a mall in the early 2000’s. It won’t. Women generally seem to be drawn to the scent profile that Legend, A&F Fierce, and Parfum de Marly Percival share. They all smell very fresh, woody, and traditionally masculine. My first recommendation of those would be to go with Legend first.
Note: I would also highly recommend Mont Blanc Explorer, which smells like a fresher, lighter version of Creed’s Aventus.

1. Versace Eros EDT

Eros is a mix of fresh and sweet, it smells very youthful. I don’t personally own it, but I’ve sampled it several times. I can see the appeal. Of all fragrances men have mentioned get the most compliments from women, Versace always come out on top. I believe that this is because it’s somewhat attention grabbing, and would work well standing out in a club or party setting.

1. Prada Luna Rossa Carbon

This scent smells shares similarities to Dior’s Sauvage, which is currently the best selling men’s fragrance on the market. Women generally react positively to Sauvage. In my opinion, Carbon smells like a more refined, smoother version of Sauvage, but still has the same attention-grabbing factor. Personally, I’ve received comments and positive feedback on Prada. This is a good alternative to Sauvage if you want something that’s more toned down, but will get you the same effect.

1. Bleu De Chanel EDP

Bleu De Chanel, like Sauvage, has become almost ubiquitous with men’s fragrances over the past several years. Some say it’s slightly generic, but I thoroughly disagree— especially in the case of the Eau de Parfum. It’s refined, masculine, clean, and has a very slight sweet edge to it. I’ve always gotten good feedback in person, especially in my relationship. If you search online, men list Bleu de Chanel as one of their most attention-grabbing and complimented fragrances. If you’re looking for a scent that makes you feel sophisticated, and is also versatile, look into BDC.

1. Dolce and Gabbana The One

On a personal note, my girlfriend hates this fragrance on me, but I’m still adding it to the top 5, based on the feedback I got from women during my single days. It’s a sweet but masculine scent, and has been described as the quintessential date night fragrance. Probably not the best fragrance if you want to be bold and announce your presence in club-type setting, but if you want to project the image of someone who is seductive and has their shit together, The One is the perfect choice. Try layering this with BDC for added effect.

1. Chanel Platinum Egoiste

If you’re looking for a classic “boss scent”— this is the ultimate choice. The scent is slightly retro, masculine, cold, and green. It might be harder to pull off if you’re on the younger side, but this is my go-to for a confidence boost, and my girl absolutely loves it. It’s a classic that you might not smell out and about as often anymore, so you will stand apart from the Sauvages of the world with this. Hall of Fame for sure.
Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/style-fundamentals-5-scents-that

A few upfront disclaimers:

• No, a scent won’t make a woman instantly become attracted to you in most instances.
  
• No, you don’t NEED a scent/fragrance to attract women. (Can see the comments now: “I do great with women and I don’t wear anything!” We get it.)
  
• Wearing a scent won’t matter if you have fundamentally poor hygiene (don’t bathe, brush teeth, wear some form of deodorant). Take care of those first.
  

One final note—don’t bathe yourself in your fragrance. One or two sprays max behind the ears, or on the back of your neck. You don’t want to drown out your natural musk or skin scent. If a woman is attracted to you, she’ll find your natural scent appealing, as long as you don't have terrible body odor.

1. Mont Blanc Legend

Mont Blanc might be the GOAT when it comes to affordable fragrances that appeal to women (and people in general). Some say that this scent is very similar to Abercrombie and Fitch Fierce. Don’t worry if you think this will make you smell like a mall in the early 2000’s. It won’t. Women generally seem to be drawn to the scent profile that Legend, A&F Fierce, and Parfum de Marly Percival share. They all smell very fresh, woody, and traditionally masculine. My first recommendation of those would be to go with Legend first.
Note: I would also highly recommend Mont Blanc Explorer, which smells like a fresher, lighter version of Creed’s Aventus.

1. Versace Eros EDT

Eros is a mix of fresh and sweet, it smells very youthful. I don’t personally own it, but I’ve sampled it several times. I can see the appeal. Of all fragrances men have mentioned get the most compliments from women, Versace always come out on top. I believe that this is because it’s somewhat attention grabbing, and would work well standing out in a club or party setting.

1. Prada Luna Rossa Carbon

This scent smells shares similarities to Dior’s Sauvage, which is currently the best selling men’s fragrance on the market. Women generally react positively to Sauvage. In my opinion, Carbon smells like a more refined, smoother version of Sauvage, but still has the same attention-grabbing factor. Personally, I’ve received comments and positive feedback on Prada. This is a good alternative to Sauvage if you want something that’s more toned down, but will get you the same effect.

1. Bleu De Chanel EDP

Bleu De Chanel, like Sauvage, has become almost ubiquitous with men’s fragrances over the past several years. Some say it’s slightly generic, but I thoroughly disagree— especially in the case of the Eau de Parfum. It’s refined, masculine, clean, and has a very slight sweet edge to it. I’ve always gotten good feedback in person, especially in my relationship. If you search online, men list Bleu de Chanel as one of their most attention-grabbing and complimented fragrances. If you’re looking for a scent that makes you feel sophisticated, and is also versatile, look into BDC.

1. Dolce and Gabbana The One

On a personal note, my girlfriend hates this fragrance on me, but I’m still adding it to the top 5, based on the feedback I got from women during my single days. It’s a sweet but masculine scent, and has been described as the quintessential date night fragrance. Probably not the best fragrance if you want to be bold and announce your presence in club-type setting, but if you want to project the image of someone who is seductive and has their shit together, The One is the perfect choice. Try layering this with BDC for added effect.

1. Chanel Platinum Egoiste

If you’re looking for a classic “boss scent”— this is the ultimate choice. The scent is slightly retro, masculine, cold, and green. It might be harder to pull off if you’re on the younger side, but this is my go-to for a confidence boost, and my girl absolutely loves it. It’s a classic that you might not smell out and about as often anymore, so you will stand apart from the Sauvages of the world with this. Hall of Fame for sure.
Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/style-fundamentals-5-scents-that

I attended a session with a health advisor today to try and get some answers as close to the source as possible.
My first concern was that they just wouldn't show up but I'm happy to report to this did not happen and the advisor was very prompt.
Here's some paraphrased answered to the more generic questions I asked them
Why are we being directed straight to Smartway instead of receiving the eToken as requested?
A fault with the new systems meant prescriptions were having to be processed manually and this had led to a large backlog. Prescription fulfillment requests were being sent to Smartway first so as to help clear this backlog.
Why are we not receiving the opt-opt email in the first instance?
The opt out email will only be sent once the smartway timer has expired, after the opt out form is completed it is necessary to complete the prescription request again which "should" result in the eToken being received although it will be slower.
Why was email support stopped before new systems were put in place?
At the beginning of the year there was a massive influx of new clients and this overwhelmed the existing staff and processes so the decision to stop email support was made. The new systems were supposed to help with this and the support.gendergp.com site should have been live. Issues with the new site however resulted in the system failing and we are still waiting for IT to resolve the issues.
Why was the GenderGP subreddit locked down?
Too much discussion regarding DIY HRT was overwhelming the mods and the decision was made to prevent the entire subreddit being removed.
I went on to raise my general concerns with the GenderGP service which understandably the advisor couldn't openly criticise GenderGP they also didn't disagree. From these discussions it did gleam so interesting possible future plans of how things will be run

• A portal site to manage the service and request prescriptions (perhaps this is the previously mentioned support site)
• Official forums to discuss GenderGP (most likely this will be for paying customers only)
• A more one-to-one relationship with clients rather than different responses from different advisors (I cannot honestly see how this would work if the demand comments are correct).

I'm sure a lot of this is just dangling the carrot so I won't believe it until I see something in action.
It was a positive that the advisor actually showed up, given some of the previously comments I've read.

When you reach door 60 you can go through a crack wall and find yourself in a secret room that leads to The Rooms, a reference to a game of the same name that inspired Doors. When dying to an entity in this place, we are not greeted by Guiding Light (GL) but instead by the yellow Curious Light (CL). The behavior of CL is odd, it’s quite vague and generally less helpful than GL, but it does encourage the player to come back implying that it needs the players help for something. It is suspected that CL requires the player to be able to escape The Rooms because in the recent Backdoor update, upon leaving The Rooms or The Backdoor, the player exits through a doorframe covered in yellow cracks and stars.
Speaking of which, backtracking to Door 60 there is a painting that has no title of a large yellow star. It is suspected this star is a symbol that represents CL.
Processing img ofihp1mdaa0d1...
This painting hides more secrets however. Also in this room are 3 chairs placed together. As far as I remember, these chairs have always been in this room, and I thought of them as significant but with nothing to connect it to. This is no longer the case as of the modifiers update because now, if you enter this room with at least 1 modifier turned on, the painting changes to this:
Processing img 27omnf2taa0d1...
Two more symbols appear on the painting, one of a blue crescent moon, and one of the red modifier icon. If CL is connected to the star icon, then who is connected to the other two? The crescent moon is obviously Guiding Light, sharing the same blue color and the crescent moon icon appearing when using the crucifix. The modifier icon however doesn’t belong to a light we’ve met yet, they have however made appearances. But first I need to talk about what the lights are, and what they want. When a player uses the crucifix, one of the symbols that appears is a closed string of wingdings, which when translated and put through a Caeser cipher translates to, “One Of The Three Architects Marked By Celestials Assists You”. Three architects, three icons, three chairs, three lights. So the lights are referred to as architects, but what does this mean? Game Theory believes the reason they are called Architects is the lights have the ability to change the layout of The Hotel, and GL uses this ability to turn The Hotel into a labyrinth keeping the hostile entities trapped inside.
In The Hotel the players goal is to make it to Door 100. The reason for this isn’t clear, but I speculate that in the upcoming Mines update there is some kind of escape from The Hotel for the player. Guiding Light seems to support the player in this endeavor, remembering the past deaths of players, which suggests that death itself is not an escape from The Hotel. El Goblino mentions other humans he has seen attempting to reach Door 100, so I believe that humans who become trapped in The Hotel need to reach The Mines in order to escape, and every time they die they reappear at the beginning of The Hotel and GL assists them each time. GL assists the player by glowing in certain areas to highlight them, items like the candle and the crucifix to defend against the enemies, and of course providing tips for dealing with the entities upon death. Finally I believe the rift in the Electrical Room that stores items to be used in another run is another power of GL (which is important later). Curious Light as already mentioned is less helpful than GL but nonetheless needs the player’s help in The Rooms. In the Backdoor update CL seems more acquainted with the player and more inclined to help, giving better tips, providing Starlight Vials with his star icon, and placing the levers in The Backdoor to keep Haste at bay further supporting the lights ability to change The Hotel as the Architects.
But what about the third architect, represented by the red modifier icon? With the evidence I have gathered, I believe this architect is a malevolent entity allied with the hostile entities. In a post by they suggest looking at the painting like a coordinate plane, with GL’s icon falling in the Positive, Positive section suggesting to symbolize GL as a force of good, CL falling dead center to symbolize neutrality, both of which makes a lot of sense given their personalities, and finally the modifier icon falling into the Negative, Negative section symbolizing our final architect as a force of evil. How do we prove this? First let’s look at the modifiers themselves, since this light is clearly connected to them. The modifiers are able to control the entities behavior, affect The Hotel, and even disable Guiding Light! This isn’t the only instance of modifiers affecting GL either, when modifiers are turned on GL is not present to give tips on the entities and the biggest piece of evidence suggesting rivalry between this architect and GL is that the more modifiers are turned on, the SMALLER GL’s icon gets in the painting.
Processing img lusrzpwdba0d1...
Next we have the red barrier that blocks access to The Rooms when modifiers are turned on. We know this is an ability of the Architects because CL does the same thing for The Backdoor until players reach The Rooms for the first time. Why would the Red Light do this? I speculate it is because it (and GL) don’t have much control over areas like The Rooms or The Backdoor since you can’t use modifiers in those areas.
Finally I want to look at the Tower Heroes collab event. While the event itself is not canon to the lore, I want to point out an interesting detail from this event. When playing a Doors-themed level you typically are assisted by GL giving tips in between each wave of enemies. CL also makes an appearance in this event in Adventure mode giving hints to the secret Void boss fight. However, one particular Weekly Challenge during that event called, “Hotel Visitors” had the player assume the role of Figure defending the Library. This time, instead of GL giving tips we are assisted by something speaking in RED text, which the community referred to as Mischievous Light. They could have just as easily made GL talk during this challenge but they specifically chose to replace GL with something else. Not only that, they gave this Mischievous Light some personality, referring to the enemies as “trespassers”. It just fits so perfectly that I can’t help but believe it to be intentional.
Processing img tsy0yrfpka0d1...
Now that I’ve thoroughly explained the Red Light/Mischievous Light (ML), let’s circle back to Curious Light. Going back to the Door 60 painting, there is one more detail I’d like to discuss, and that is the fact that CL’s icon is much larger than GL’s or ML’s. I believe this is a representation of how powerful each Architect actually is. This is supported by GL’s icon shrinking when the player adds more modifiers, suggesting that they weaken GL. Furthermore GL and ML seem to possess a different set of powers, while CL seems to possess it’s own unique powers as well being able to replicate the other Architect’s. Like GL, Curious Light does glow on the entrance to and exits from The Rooms, and if we use the Bottle of Starlight bought at the end of The Backdoor on GL’s rift, it creates a second yellow rift. We don’t currently have any more similar powers between CL and ML besides the barriers they both create but I believe ML doesn’t consider CL an enemy like it does with GL (more on that in a second). Finally, only CL seems to be able to affect The Rooms and The Backdoor.
When dying to Blitz for the first time in The Backdoor we are greeted by Curious Light who drops a very strange detail:
Processing img oea3ahgdja0d1...
We haven’t met anyone in The Hotel that’s been confirmed to be female so who could Curious Light be referring to here? The identity of this character is not yet clear, but the first candidate that people have suspected is Guiding Light, and sure on the surface that makes sense; they’re both Architects and we’ve seen them both talk but not necessarily to each other. But upon further inspection it doesn’t make sense for GL to be this character for one specific reason: the fact that this character decided to give Blitz a name. According to dialogue from GL and a tweet from the devs, the names of the entities in The Hotel were given by the player, NOT GL. If other humans have been to The Hotel then GL has been there for some time and has never bothered to give the entities names, so why would it start now? You know who’s more likely to give these entities names? Mischievous Light, the architect supposedly allied with these entities. This belief is shared by Game Theory, which I was super excited to see in their most recent theory.
So what is ML up to talking with CL? I believe that ML wants CL and possibly the player to join them. If CL is the most powerful architect and has dominion over The Rooms and The Backdoor, they would be a great ally to have. But what about the player? As we’ve discussed, despite CL’s power, they need the player’s help to access other areas, and in The Mines possibly will exist an escape from The Hotel that ONLY the player has the ability to open. If we take the Tower Heroes collab into consideration, ML initially sees players as “trespassers” and wants the entities to kill them. However, what if the modifiers are a test by ML to evaluate the player’s usefulness? Furthermore, not all modifiers are bad and actually make the game easier, so while ML definitely sees GL as an enemy, it may not be the same case for CL and the player. I speculate that Mischievous Light’s ultimate goal is to use the player to help the entities escape The Hotel, bringing death and destruction to whatever unfortunate world awaits behind the exit door.
But that’s just a theory, a DOORS THEORY! Thanks for reading!

When you reach door 60 you can go through a crack wall and find yourself in a secret room that leads to The Rooms, a reference to a game of the same name that inspired Doors. When dying to an entity in this place, we are not greeted by Guiding Light (GL) but instead by the yellow Curious Light (CL). The behavior of CL is odd, it’s quite vague and generally less helpful than GL, but it does encourage the player to come back implying that it needs the players help for something. It is suspected that CL requires the player to be able to escape The Rooms because in the recent Backdoor update, upon leaving The Rooms or The Backdoor, the player exits through a doorframe covered in yellow cracks and stars.
Speaking of which, backtracking to Door 60 there is a painting that has no title of a large yellow star. It is suspected this star is a symbol that represents CL.
Processing img ofihp1mdaa0d1...
This painting hides more secrets however. Also in this room are 3 chairs placed together. As far as I remember, these chairs have always been in this room, and I thought of them as significant but with nothing to connect it to. This is no longer the case as of the modifiers update because now, if you enter this room with at least 1 modifier turned on, the painting changes to this:
Processing img 27omnf2taa0d1...
Two more symbols appear on the painting, one of a blue crescent moon, and one of the red modifier icon. If CL is connected to the star icon, then who is connected to the other two? The crescent moon is obviously Guiding Light, sharing the same blue color and the crescent moon icon appearing when using the crucifix. The modifier icon however doesn’t belong to a light we’ve met yet, they have however made appearances. But first I need to talk about what the lights are, and what they want. When a player uses the crucifix, one of the symbols that appears is a closed string of wingdings, which when translated and put through a Caeser cipher translates to, “One Of The Three Architects Marked By Celestials Assists You”. Three architects, three icons, three chairs, three lights. So the lights are referred to as architects, but what does this mean? Game Theory believes the reason they are called Architects is the lights have the ability to change the layout of The Hotel, and GL uses this ability to turn The Hotel into a labyrinth keeping the hostile entities trapped inside.
In The Hotel the players goal is to make it to Door 100. The reason for this isn’t clear, but I speculate that in the upcoming Mines update there is some kind of escape from The Hotel for the player. Guiding Light seems to support the player in this endeavor, remembering the past deaths of players, which suggests that death itself is not an escape from The Hotel. El Goblino mentions other humans he has seen attempting to reach Door 100, so I believe that humans who become trapped in The Hotel need to reach The Mines in order to escape, and every time they die they reappear at the beginning of The Hotel and GL assists them each time. GL assists the player by glowing in certain areas to highlight them, items like the candle and the crucifix to defend against the enemies, and of course providing tips for dealing with the entities upon death. Finally I believe the rift in the Electrical Room that stores items to be used in another run is another power of GL (which is important later). Curious Light as already mentioned is less helpful than GL but nonetheless needs the player’s help in The Rooms. In the Backdoor update CL seems more acquainted with the player and more inclined to help, giving better tips, providing Starlight Vials with his star icon, and placing the levers in The Backdoor to keep Haste at bay further supporting the lights ability to change The Hotel as the Architects.
But what about the third architect, represented by the red modifier icon? With the evidence I have gathered, I believe this architect is a malevolent entity allied with the hostile entities. In a post by they suggest looking at the painting like a coordinate plane, with GL’s icon falling in the Positive, Positive section suggesting to symbolize GL as a force of good, CL falling dead center to symbolize neutrality, both of which makes a lot of sense given their personalities, and finally the modifier icon falling into the Negative, Negative section symbolizing our final architect as a force of evil. How do we prove this? First let’s look at the modifiers themselves, since this light is clearly connected to them. The modifiers are able to control the entities behavior, affect The Hotel, and even disable Guiding Light! This isn’t the only instance of modifiers affecting GL either, when modifiers are turned on GL is not present to give tips on the entities and the biggest piece of evidence suggesting rivalry between this architect and GL is that the more modifiers are turned on, the SMALLER GL’s icon gets in the painting.
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Next we have the red barrier that blocks access to The Rooms when modifiers are turned on. We know this is an ability of the Architects because CL does the same thing for The Backdoor until players reach The Rooms for the first time. Why would the Red Light do this? I speculate it is because it (and GL) don’t have much control over areas like The Rooms or The Backdoor since you can’t use modifiers in those areas.
Finally I want to look at the Tower Heroes collab event. While the event itself is not canon to the lore, I want to point out an interesting detail from this event. When playing a Doors-themed level you typically are assisted by GL giving tips in between each wave of enemies. CL also makes an appearance in this event in Adventure mode giving hints to the secret Void boss fight. However, one particular Weekly Challenge during that event called, “Hotel Visitors” had the player assume the role of Figure defending the Library. This time, instead of GL giving tips we are assisted by something speaking in RED text, which the community referred to as Mischievous Light. They could have just as easily made GL talk during this challenge but they specifically chose to replace GL with something else. Not only that, they gave this Mischievous Light some personality, referring to the enemies as “trespassers”. It just fits so perfectly that I can’t help but believe it to be intentional.
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Now that I’ve thoroughly explained the Red Light/Mischievous Light (ML), let’s circle back to Curious Light. Going back to the Door 60 painting, there is one more detail I’d like to discuss, and that is the fact that CL’s icon is much larger than GL’s or ML’s. I believe this is a representation of how powerful each Architect actually is. This is supported by GL’s icon shrinking when the player adds more modifiers, suggesting that they weaken GL. Furthermore GL and ML seem to possess a different set of powers, while CL seems to possess it’s own unique powers as well being able to replicate the other Architect’s. Like GL, Curious Light does glow on the entrance to and exits from The Rooms, and if we use the Bottle of Starlight bought at the end of The Backdoor on GL’s rift, it creates a second yellow rift. We don’t currently have any more similar powers between CL and ML besides the barriers they both create but I believe ML doesn’t consider CL an enemy like it does with GL (more on that in a second). Finally, only CL seems to be able to affect The Rooms and The Backdoor.
When dying to Blitz for the first time in The Backdoor we are greeted by Curious Light who drops a very strange detail:
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We haven’t met anyone in The Hotel that’s been confirmed to be female so who could Curious Light be referring to here? The identity of this character is not yet clear, but the first candidate that people have suspected is Guiding Light, and sure on the surface that makes sense; they’re both Architects and we’ve seen them both talk but not necessarily to each other. But upon further inspection it doesn’t make sense for GL to be this character for one specific reason: the fact that this character decided to give Blitz a name. According to dialogue from GL and a tweet from the devs, the names of the entities in The Hotel were given by the player, NOT GL. If other humans have been to The Hotel then GL has been there for some time and has never bothered to give the entities names, so why would it start now? You know who’s more likely to give these entities names? Mischievous Light, the architect supposedly allied with these entities. This belief is shared by Game Theory, which I was super excited to see in their most recent theory.
So what is ML up to talking with CL? I believe that ML wants CL and possibly the player to join them. If CL is the most powerful architect and has dominion over The Rooms and The Backdoor, they would be a great ally to have. But what about the player? As we’ve discussed, despite CL’s power, they need the player’s help to access other areas, and in The Mines possibly will exist an escape from The Hotel that ONLY the player has the ability to open. If we take the Tower Heroes collab into consideration, ML initially sees players as “trespassers” and wants the entities to kill them. However, what if the modifiers are a test by ML to evaluate the player’s usefulness? Furthermore, not all modifiers are bad and actually make the game easier, so while ML definitely sees GL as an enemy, it may not be the same case for CL and the player. I speculate that Mischievous Light’s ultimate goal is to use the player to help the entities escape The Hotel, bringing death and destruction to whatever unfortunate world awaits behind the exit door.
But that’s just a theory, a DOORS THEORY! Thanks for reading!

DISCLAIMER:
I'm not educated in Arabic and I am not knowledgable in Hadith and Quranic terminology espescially Hadith sciences, and thus may provide inaccurate information that will NOT affect the overall meaning of the message, hopefully lol.
For the sake of brevity, I'll gloss over a lot of these terms and may misrepresent them. Please forgive me if I speak in error.
This post is basically a mangled summary of this wonderful paper, Before Orthodoxy: The Satanic Verses in Early Islam by Dr Shahab Ahmed. My post will NOT do this extremely detailed paper any justice. If you'd like to read it yourself in full, please DM me as I have the link to the book.

What is the Satanic Verses incident?

There's so many reports around it but the gist is that Muhammad pbuh reveals a a set of verses to tribes people that allows the worship of the polytheistic gods of Mecca in the agreement that these tribes people will eventually join Islam and forgo these Gods.
P:290 "The Prophet is remembered as consciously considering a temporary compromise with polytheism. He contemplates allowing Thaqīf to continue worshipping al-Lāt and al-‘Uzzā for a year as part of the terms of a negotiated agreement through which they will ultimately accept Islam. Thaqīf suggest to him that he make Divine Revelation the instrument by which to justify his concession."
Moreover, the early Muslims also believed that verses like Surah Al-Hajj 52-53 were in response to this incident where Allah rebukes Muhammad but also comforts him as if it was a natural part of the prophethood:
22:52
وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ ٥٢
Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you and he recited, Satan would influence his recitation. But Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.
Obviously, the early Muslims didn't believe these verses eventually made it into the Quran since Allah has rebuked it.

Did the early Muslims believe it?

The paper basically goes in extremely thorough detail on why early Muslims believed it and it was infact a major part of their understanding of the Prophet. I frankly couldn't understand his methodology cos I'm TERRIBLE at hadith, tafsir transmission and what not (very new to this) so I suggest you look through the paper where Dr Shahab proves beyond reasonable doubt that the early Muslims did indeed believe in this incident.

Why did early Muslims believe it, and why did Muslims after them reject the incident?

Okay so this is the really really interesting part in my opinion. Dr Shahab basically states that the concept of infalliblity proscribed to Muhammad was actually a concept that developed with the development of Hadiths. For early Muslims, Muhammad was actually seen as a fallible figure and that the satanic verses incident was entirely consonant with their world view. Similar to the stories of Yusuf where he resited the temptation of Zulaykhah or when Adam disobeyed his Lord and approached the tree. Dr Shahab writes about this here:
“The sīrah- maghāzī project thus had no need of an infallible Prophetic model for pious mimesis: there is little drama to be had from a hero who never makes mistakes. Drama arises when there is the possibility of things going wrong, of defeat, of failure, when events must be out- witted and setbacks overcome. This is precisely what happens in the Satanic verses incident.”

So why did Muslims later on reject these Satanic Verses?

Firstly, the hadith sciences that they had developed basically evaluated almost all of these hadiths as weaks. More importantly, and this is the REALLY INTERESTING part, the image of a fallible prophet who could succumb to the pressure of Satan and basically peer pressure didn't fit with their idea of the prophet espescially at a time when they were deriving laws from the actions of Muhammad pbuh. Dr Shahab excellently summarizes this view here: “In rejecting the Satanic verses incident, the Ḥadīth project—emerging with increasing force and definition from the mid-second century onward was disapprovingly at odds with the early understanding of Muḥammad’s Prophethood. The logic of the Ḥadīth project required an infallible Prophet whose words and deeds would lay down legal, praxial, and creedal norms for pious mimesis, as a definitive method by which to establish the veracity and authority of those prescribed norms. It is that logic, and that notion of Prophethood, that would later establish itself as Islamic orthodoxy.”

So did the Satanic Verses incident actually happen???

As to the actual historicity of this event, Dr Shahab Ahmed says that orientalist scholars in the past have generally taken this Satanic verses incident to be true BECAUSE early muslims accepted it despite it running contrary to their idea of an infallible Muhammad pbuh, HOWEVER in sight of how early Muslims actually viewed Muhammad pbuh as a person struggling with prophethood this argument does not have strong merit as there is presumably no reason why early Muslims could not have made it up.

Lessons to be drawn from this research (imo):

1. Muhammad was not infallible. He was a remarkable person who was a great moral character but NO he did make mistakes. This infallibility prescribed to him was a later invention!
2. Hadiths, Tafsir, Sirah or ANY Islamic materials outside of the Quran all reflect the biases and perceptions of Muslims of their time. Only treat Quran - the word of Allah as infallible!

First and foremost, this is a huge thank you to the existence of this sub and all the wonderful people in it! Second, yes, I really do mean this sub has saved my life twice!
I've lurked this sub reading all your stories, both good and bad, for a long time. I got to learn the "bingo" as well as signs a partner is not actually CF and even more worryingly the sneaky ways they can try to trap someone into a life they don't want. I've (F41) tried to get sterilized ever since I was 19 and finally managed it just before turning 39. There's more to that story below.
First time: Was dating a person that initially told me he was confirmed CF and that's why I even gave him a serious chance. He was perfect in every other way and love bombed me into oblivion. He mused about "maybe what if it just happened" more and more frequently. I kept saying absolutely not! We ultimately ended things for other reasons, however towards the end he'd always find some excuse to try to not use a condom (I was firm on no fun times if he didn't) and distract me from taking my BC. I know it sounds stupid I didn't put two and two together sooner. It's not like it was super obvious and when you're that close to the problem you don't always see it. I started to catch on to some key words and phrases I had seen warned about here. I immediately ended it. Short version of the resulting drama is that he lied about being CF and believed all women should have at least 1-3 children and then be a caregiver for life. Yeah, no. Going forward, I paid better attention as well as very firmly made my stance known and that nothing will change it. Now I have a wonderful partner!
Second time: Sept 2022, using the lists found here, I finally had a no-questions-asked women's health office, doctor, and surgeon willing to sterilize me (removal of fallopian tubes)! Y'all. I wept from sheer relief and kind of scared the doctor lol. We went over family history and he became alarmed I kept adding to the cancer list and that my dad died of pancreatic cancer several years ago. I was immediately set up for a genetic marker test and it came back positive in a "it's when, not if" kind of way. He then shifted gears to encouraging a total hysterectomy and was surprised when I was all for it. Not like I'm going to use the stuff for it's intended purpose, I'd like to be done with periods (pretty positive I had endometriosis, confirmed after surgery), and I'd handle whatever menopause symptoms came my way (so far just hot flashes/night sweats and weight gain). After the procedure, they sent all the bits for testing and THEY FOUND CANCER! The surgery itself was considered the cure because it was so small and just starting, but I opted for a few sessions of chemo anyway to be absolutely sure. I've been deemed cancer free since June 2023!
To wrap this up, a massive thank you to this sub's existence, the resources it provided, and the community to being awareness and support. You really did save my life twice!