so to clear things up before i say the story. i understand why this is all happening and i do regret it and i wish i could go back in time and just be a good person in general and treated her way better. every single day i live with this regret and it just pains me.
so me and her have been together for two years now and it really was all fun and romantic. it felt like we were meant for each other and it wasn't just lust. it was love. true deep love and i loved it so much. we fought a good amount but it was never relationship ending. we always overcame our disagreements and learned to apologize and recognize when one of us is wrong. but we had a big problem recently and it was very personal to her and i failed at being a decent human being and instead got mad and defensive and i let my emotion take over instead of understanding.
so one morning i woke up to a text from her saying she found two pictures of instagram girls in bikinis saved on my accounts folder from when i was in freshman year. she politely asked me to delete them. then i did tell her id delete them but i then proceeded to get upset as if this was a common thing to get mad at me about and i acted like it wasn't a big deal and i basically told her to get over it and that "it shouldn't be a whole day problem" without realizing how much those photos impacted her. i wasn't aware of those photos being there and instead of reassuring her and just being nice and deleted them i made a whole big deal about it and i regret it.
she's always told me she doesn't like the way she looks and that she accepted the fact that she looks "mid" and she isn't anyone's type of girl but she's told me before that i made her feel like she was my type and i made her feel pretty at times but that's all gone now. i really was into her and she's still so pretty to me and she kept getting prettier and prettier in every scenario i saw her.
i didn't even think in the moment on how it could affect her seeing those pictures saved on my account. she must have felt awful seeing that and it would make it seem like i had a type and i was attracted to those girls when in reality i didn't even know they existed and im not really attracted to women other than her. i know it sounds like bullshit but i just can't see women the same after being with her and she won't ever believe that. i understand now how she must've felt and how it must have shattered her self esteem and i couldn't even reassure her. and when we eventually talked about it like a day later, i STILL didn't understand how she felt and when i apologized i wrote the most wrong apology saying stuff like "i did nothing wrong" "get over it im sorry" literally no reassurance just anger and i hate myself for not realizing it in the moment. it wasn't until like a WEEK LATER that i realized how she felt and what i should've done.
our anniversary of two years was in like a week and after this bad apology and talk we basically took a break so she can have time to think. we still talked here and there but nothing romantically or about us. and we agreed that we'd try couples therapy one day so i set it all up and this is where i did the most stupidest awful decision ever.
i know it's frowned upon and stuff but my dad tried to raise me to be cold and not show emotion but in reality emotion is all i could show. i ended up being very needy and anxious and just needing her comfort at times.
the night before we were going to talk to the therapy lady. she was having a bad time and told me she didn't want to talk tonight or call. and without thinking i just started being needy and wanted her attention and kept texting her. then i did something so stupid and ruined what i loved the most. i don't know what my thought process was or how i thought it was a good idea but i got on a "second number app" that allows you to text from a whole different number and i texted HER number while she was feeling bad and in the text i acted like i was a coworker i had that was "looking for me" the coworker was a girl and of no importance to me but i used her name practically asking for "myself to catch up"
i wrote a paragraph for when i wanted to reveal myself and in it i tried to say that i did it because i wanted her to see that "i was always there" or that it always was just her and i and that she doesn't need to worry about anyone getting in between us because it was always her and i. that reason sounds like BS now i genuinely don't know what i was thinking. she says she knows that i did it just to make her jealous, but i don't feel like it was that way. i didn't mean to hurt her and i wish i saw how it could hurt her.
after coming clean about it like a few texts on there i sent the paragraph thinking we'd just laugh about it or something like the stupid delusional person i am. she didn't say anything in the first few seconds but i felt a sudden regret and i felt like i couldn't breathe because i suddenly realize how bad of a thing it was. i promised her i would lie to her and i tricked her with this. so i started panicking after sending it and saying stuff like "this was a bad thing wasn't it" and just panicking and apologizing so fast because i tricked her. i didn't even think about how she would be jealous about that coworker and i was stupid to not think that back then. she then didn't reply for a while and it sank in that i really did something so awful to her. so out of panic i got in my car and went to see a friend at 2 am because they worked night shift. and i talked to her about it and she agreed that it was stupid and i shouldn't have done it. i am so conflicted about this right now. i don't know if it was because i was needy or i just wanted her attention or im just plain stupid. i don't know now why i did it and i regret it deeply. she won't accept an apology thought because my reasoning doesn't make sense at all and i understand that now.
i felt sick to my stomach and later that night like an hour or so later she broke up with me. my whole world sank. i dented my car and went back to my friend to tell her and i just broke down for what i have done. and i've been paying for this with karma ever since this has happened. not even an hour later from this, i got fired from the job i was working at and i lost everything. i have this pain in my chest that hasn't gone away since that day and i've been having nonstop stomach problems and my relationship with my family is decreasing and they're resenting me and i even lost my dog i had for 7 years. so many things keep happening but i know it's because i have to pay and i understand that.
backstory on why this made such an impact: i grew up as a lie. i lied to my family i lied to my friends. i lied to be liked in school and i always tried to be something i am not. when i met her i tried to put these lies behind me and bury my past and what i was and i deleted alot of stuff and quit my porn addiction because i really wanted something with her. but she found out about my past one day and i lied to cover it up and these lies only came back and i ended up breaking her trust again and again to the point where she thought things that were never happening. i know im a liar and a bad person but i was never a cheater or unfaithful to her. i've always genuinely liked her and how she looked and i had everything i wanted. i didn't need to cheat or find other girls because i had one and she was all that i wanted. i even made it clear to here that the relationship wasn't about sex because if we ever stopped having it i'd still love her. but i couldn't be understanding and reassuring with her and i messed up so much and i made it seem like i was lying to her again even though i wasnt. and her last relationship was full of lies and she was manipulated and she regrets going back to him after the fact she knew how he was. and this is the scenario i am in right now. what we had was real love and it was beautiful but i messed it up and destroyed it badly. and she doesn't want to disappoint her past self by doing the same thing she did with her ex because she's afraid of getting hurt again. she can't trust me anymore. she doesn't believe that we could fix it again. she doesn't believe that i liked her and that i was attracted to her. she believes i was out there getting crushes and talking to other women and she believes i did it to make her jealous and that i have a type of girl i like and it's not her. she thinks i led her on this whole time but when i ask "then why am i still here" there's no answer because im not doing this out of pity or attachment. i truly loved her and how she looked. she doesn't believe attractions change and that people can change. she's so focused that we can't have what we had before because it's too different now. i just don't know what to do and im full of regret.
so sometime later i gave her her space and just rotted away in my room missing what i destroyed. one day something compelled me to go to the store and i saw her there. i went up to her and she wanted to talk so i agreed and we went to the park to talk. she tried to break up with me in person that day but couldn't and later that night she texted me that we'd break up in person rather than through text because we're adults. so some time later we kept seeing eachother a bit and talking. we even ended up going to the place i rented for our anniversary just out of a spontaneous decision because she felt a comfort in being around me even though it hurts her. that day we ended up doing a lot of stuff and being intimate with each other and acting like normal. the only words that came out while we were doing it were "i love you" from both of us and it was so passionate and real and it felt like what we had before. we acted normal after that and spent the night and watched movies and cuddled and just talked like nothing at all happened. we were smiling and cracking jokes and just having a good time. it was the same. i didn't want to take her home because i knew it would end though. and that it was all just a dream. and it did end. we decided to be on a break for now and we still talk and sometimes even have fun like we used to but nothing romantically yet. we even started making out the other day but then like a few days later she gets reminded of everything and doesn't talk to me again. and i get she's in her feeling and i understand what i did and that she deserves better but i want to be that better. i want to change for her and show her that i wont hurt her again. but she's afraid. she can't trust me anymore and she's afraid to try again because she loved me she genuinely loved me and she looks for me in the person i am now and she can't "find him" and she believes things will never be the same again and that it won't work but she can't leave because it's too painful. BUT i feel like it can be the same... all those moments we had they were like nothing happened. it's still there within us. our love is still there and i know it is but she's afraid of doing it again and disappointing her past self. like we've been calling and acting normal even though we keep thing the same thing and it keeps bothering us. i feel regret and pain and she feels the pain too because she loved me. i don't know what to do. i know the best for us is probably to just leave it and go our separate ways but i can't. i do love her still and i want to be better for her. for my family. a better person in general. i know i can be the better for her and i don't want to give up. and she doesn't want to give up because she loved me but she also doesn't want her emotions to get in the way of what she should do. i don't know. this is a just a big rant i don't know if its a good idea to post it or if anyone will read this far. i just miss her so much. i miss what we were. i miss how happy we were. this kind and good hearted girl loved me and has showed me so much. she was my first for a lot of things. and my first actual commitment to a relationship. she took my virginity aswell but those are not the reasons i want to stay with her. i want to stay because i love her. i really love her and it just begs the question "why did you do it?" and i don't know. it eats me up inside and i can't take it i DONT know and i wish i could take it all back. i want to start over. i want a time machine. i want her. she loved me and i destroyed what i loved the most. my life hasn't been the same since then and so many bad things keep happening to me but i know it's for a reason. how can i regain her trust? is that even possible? i dont know what to do. i know she needs time but will she ever see that i do want to change? that change is possible and i don't want to hurt her anymore? i regret it all. why couldn't i just be more understanding and reassuring and been good to her. how could i be so foolish. if i just kept my stupid thoughts quiet and kept my mouth shut we could've gone to therapy or something. i messed up really bad.
thank you for reading. i feel so lost
In the 1970’s, (not an ancient date), people all over this country protested the Vietnam war, and they didn’t do it peacefully always, but nobody had any problem crossing that line.
Sure, but you can’t compare protesting a war to protesting a video game. That’s not what I’m doing here. I am shining a light on what has been really obvious for a long time now- this young generation is going to be known as the ones who were impacted extremely negatively by society’s “frowning upon anything that isn’t PG-13,” “frowning on anything that draws attention” attitudes. They’ve been told you need to know your role and shut your mouth. And we no longer allow the most vanilla curse words on YouTube, music has become as soft and boring as it’s ever been; hip-hop still owns music like it did 25 years ago. But that era’s hiphop was largely centered around “gangsta rap,” one of the realest movements ever which held nothing back in the lyrics. While today, to even act like you’re gonna use a racial term- even if used by that minority itself, is a complete nonstarter anywhere.
And so here we are in 2024 and we have somebody with a little courage. And I know all the arguments against what he proposed- the small content creator issue. The should’ve done it in private issue. The “it’s not gonna work” argument. To which I say to all of that- bullshit. Bull. Fucking. Shit. Soon or later you’re gonna have to learn to stand up for what’s right, no matter what the cost. And here’s the thing there isn’t a single person anywhere that thinks that this game even resembles the game of football, or soccer in the States. Forget about all of the idiotic pack odds things they’ve happened. There isn’t a person playing this game that does not realize it sucks and want better. Nobody.
Someone finally spoke up to do something that our parents and grandparents would have done without even thinking twice. Instead of being lauded and thanked, I watched a half a dozen videos last night disparaging Nick for what he did. To those folks and their followers: Grow a sack of balls.
It’s up to everyone in this community and in this generation to decide what kind of generation we’re going to be known as in the future. Right now, we are on pace to become the generation that was OK with the most money hungry, greediest companies assaulting us up the ass. And we seem to be OK with that.
Sucks.
i got reddit just for this so.. it’s a bit of a long one but i got my lip pierced about 6-7 months ago. it was healing really well and fast and i wasn’t about to pay money to change my stud to a ring so i did it myself last week. i think it reacted badly (though i don’t have any metal sensitivities im aware of, nothing like this has happened to my ears or nose) and it was swelling and bruising badly. the ring wasn’t big enough to accommodate it even after a few days of me waiting for it to go down, so i just took it out until i could pick up a new one after work today (it was too sore to put my stud back in so i figured it would be okay for a day.) anyway i didn’t pick up a new ring but it wasn’t sore or bleeding or bruised anymore today so i was gonna put my stud back in but i think it healed a little TOO fast because now it feels too thick to push through myself or maybe the ring changed the direction of the hole during the week? anyway i don’t wanna risk making it worse but what should i do? do i wait for it to heal more and get it redone or get it redone now? would they even do that😭 or should i tough it out and push it back through like i normally can with my lips or nose.. please help i miss my lip ring it looked so cool
In the 1970’s, (not an ancient date), people all over this country protested the Vietnam war, and they didn’t do it peacefully always, but nobody had any problem crossing that line.
Sure, but you can’t compare protesting a war to protesting a video game. That’s not what I’m doing here. I am shining a light on what has been really obvious for a long time now- this young generation is going to be known as the ones who were impacted extremely negatively by society’s “frowning upon anything that isn’t PG-13,” “frowning on anything that draws attention” attitudes. They’ve been told you need to know your role and shut your mouth. And we no longer allow the most vanilla curse words on YouTube, music has become as soft and boring as it’s ever been; hip-hop still owns music like it did 25 years ago. But that era’s hiphop was largely centered around “gangsta rap,” one of the realest movements ever which held nothing back in the lyrics. While today, to even act like you’re gonna use a racial term- even if used by that minority itself, is a complete nonstarter anywhere.
And so here we are in 2024 and we have somebody with a little courage. And I know all the arguments against what he proposed- the small content creator issue. The should’ve done it in private issue. The “it’s not gonna work” argument. To which I say to all of that- bullshit. Bull. Fucking. Shit. Soon or later you’re gonna have to learn to stand up for what’s right, no matter what the cost. And here’s the thing there isn’t a single person anywhere that thinks that this game even resembles the game of football, or soccer in the States. Forget about all of the idiotic pack odds things they’ve happened. There isn’t a person playing this game that does not realize it sucks and want better. Nobody.
Someone finally spoke up to do something that our parents and grandparents would have done without even thinking twice. Instead of being lauded and thanked, I watched a half a dozen videos last night disparaging Nick for what he did. To those folks and their followers: Grow a sack of balls.
It’s up to everyone in this community and in this generation to decide what kind of generation we’re going to be known as in the future. Right now, we are on pace to become the generation that was OK with the most money hungry, greediest companies assaulting us up the ass. And we seem to be OK with that.
Sucks.
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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I recently purchased a 2024 Nissan Sentra and immediately after I bought a system for it. I tried to get the good s*** from the beginning so I got an audio control 7ci, JL audio c2-650 components for the doors, c2-690 coxaxials in back, a kicker 360.4 for the fronts, and a fosgate 500.1 prime on a 12" comp r sub. Should be a decent setup but when I install the doors, immediately they sound like trash, can't handle any base at all, I went over everything 3 times. I also sound deadened the does and added the foam baffles, and some generic speaker ring adapters because no one has the exact fit. At this point I figured a bad day from the factory. If I cross it over at like 200hz, it doesn't distort but changes the output around. I then borrowed a set of kicker 6 and 1/2 in coaxials that I had in a truck that sounded very good in the truck on the radio even, and swap them in. Same problem. And I had no hpf on them in my truck. So is it something to do with the Nissan door or if. Has anyone else run into this problem and how did you fix it
I recently joined whatnot app and I’ve purchased a ton of luxury and high end beauty items from anywhere between 40% to 70% off retail. I’m looking for some seller recommendations. I generally look for sellers with $1 starts or very low starts and sudden death only. Currently my favs to shop are Britt0091, makeupnmore and xofashionbar…in that order.
Britt0091 is very transparent and her show has a good vibe. She also has lot of just released products. I remember getting some Dior and hourglass products within two weeks of them launching at almost 50% off retail. She’s shade inclusive so as a woman with deep complexion I really appreciate that.
Makeupnmore’s shows moves very fast and I love that. She takes requests and runs the products requested. Sellers usually take requests but don’t run them. Her show is very organized. She runs the products in categories and runs categories more than once. I like it that way because it allows me to leave and pop back in when the catergory I’m interested in rolls around. There’s not a lot of cross talking so she’ll run a bunch of products in the short time she’s on. She doesn’t do raids after which I find a bit weird.
Xofashionbar has a great variety of products. Maybe not as much as the previous sellers but I also enjoy shopping her shows. She ships next day so I typically receive my products in two-three days. I love shopping her shows for lip products. She also carries items I don’t see the previous sellers with. Only drawback is she’ll start complexion products like concealers and foundations at 50% off retail which I don’t like. I prefer the low starts.
I just want to vent to the void.. and possibly get some advice. Never posted my personal business online before but Im just slowly giving up..
I have a 5 year old son with Down Syndrome. I love him cause he's my son but hate to say I hate him cause of his delay which is of no fault of his own. He's smart in his own way but so stubborn.
He won't eat anything that requires chewing and only eats stage 2 baby food mixed with some baby oatmeal despite having a mouthful of teeth. He won't drink any water, juice and only a few swallow of milk. Oh but sweets, there's no problem like any other kid, I suppose.
He's constantly hitting either me or his dad and even sometimes his grandmother (my mom). There's no therapy that'll get him to stop..we've been told that he'll stop on his own. But he'll hit you in the face, the chest, back.. and will even try to trip you cause he spends most of his time on the floor because he's not walking fully on his own either.. despite many hours of walking around the house with him. Can't teach a child to stop hitting by hitting (spanking) them.
He's stubborn bout getting his hair brushed, his teeth brushed too. He starts spasing out and tries to hit in the face whenever you try to brush either one.
His dad (my husband though not legally) is trying his best, I suppose. He gave me the entire Mother's Day off without having to take care of him but one day out of many feels like it's never enough. I don't wanna complain but I'm just so tired. And I always get.."what could you possibly be tired from?" Cause honestly I don't do too much of anything..just my soul is tired of pretending to want to be a mom. And I can't discuss this with my husband cause it's our fault and responsibility for bringing a child into this world.
And now.. guess what? I'm 3 months pregnant with another baby. It was a talk for when our son would be 5-7 to have another sibling only cause this world is cruel and he would need someone else to help him when we're gone. But the only thing on my mind is to hope and pray that this baby comes out better. That this one won't have a disability. I know it's messed up to hope and wish for a new baby to hopefully make things better but I'm scared I'll be stuck with another one that's disabled.
I regret having a child. I miss days of freedom. I miss not being a mom every day. I want to tell my husband to just leave and take the kids and just leave me alone and I'll sign whatever papers I can to just be away from it all. I wanna be by myself again with no worries. Everyday I wish for a red button to push to be able to start over because I'd do SO many things differently.
I'm just so tired mentally and emotionally.. I don't wanna be angry anymore.
I just wish to be alone again..
When I am eating, I sometimes get anxiety. I talked to my psychiatrist and we came to the conclusion due to my sugar going up, can mimic anxiety. That’s not the weird part though.
Whenever I am eating, (occasionally) I get this weird feeling that hits me out of nowhere, where I all of a sudden fear of choking because my mouth feels almost…numb. I feel like the entirely of my mouth isn’t attached to my brain and I can’t control it. I hurry and swish water around and spit it out, because I feel like I’ve lost feeling in my mouth, and I freak out about the smallest crumble in my mouth and worry about not getting it out. It’s literally as if I can’t feel it, yet I know it’s in there and need it out.
It’s really weird. Please tell me im not alone lol.
Hi! ....this is super random, but it's driving me crazy that I can't find this old Microsoft video anywhere...... It was from around 2010 (+/- a few years) and it was one of those future vision featuring multiple products... But it was super cute, followed this dude riding a bike after work on his way to a house party, and there were MS features all along the way, like the calendar invite, maps, messenger, maybe windows phone, etc... he makes a stop for drinks (or food?) ...and finally makes it to the party where there's a band playing... Does this ring any bells??? I' m probably the only person on the planet who remembers this silly commercial, but it had a catchy song and I loved it... If you have any tips for how I can find it I'd love to know...or if you at least remember it too... Let me know I'm not crazy. I worked for a Microsoft partner, and I don't think it was a general public commercial, maybe partner focused or even an internal promo?
Yesterday I was convinced by a friend to attend a Japanese heavy metal band's show at a local venue. I am in my 40s and I'm more of a jazz fan now, but I had just received some worrisome news and I thought maybe a distraction was in order. The crowd was surprisingly restrained, until three people broke into what they called moshing but was mostly just closing their eyes and swinging their fists around like they were trying to fight a swarm of bees. One of them immediately spun around and punched me in the mouth.
I took the day off of work today to ice my swollen lip. Throughout the day whenever I think to myself "I was punched in the face by a man..." I chuckle and smile (inside).