Okay so it’s strange but trust the process. So Alastor leaves his jacket in Luci’s room and Lucifer already had a thing for him so he takes it. Lucifer is now wearing Al’s jacket to sleep over his pajamas every single night. In the meantime Alastor’s looking for his jacket saying he doesn’t wanna waste money at the tailors getting an entirely new one made. I’m not completely sure on what’s gonna happen after but either Alastors gonna walk in and flip his shit, Angel’s gonna walk in and take a ton of photos and post them or show them to people at the hotel causing Alastor to see them, Husk’s gonna walk in tell Angel then the words gonna get out or Charlie’s gonna walk in and have a mental breakdown. Then Lucifer denies all of the claims made saying that somebody’s lying or the images were photoshopped as Al is making fun. Angel has the bright idea of “let’s search his room for the jacket” so they do and find it in his closet so everyone is shocked or laughing Alastor thinks of using him so he does to hopefully break his deal with Lilith (yes I do believe that theory <3) but actually falls in love with him in the process. All that mushy shit happens and uh they kiss and they slip in front of people because they’re trying to keep up an act 24/7 everyone finds out happily ever after:).
Yeah it sucks but I wanna hear your opinion :)

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

This is a long read sorry!
Hi, I (22F) literally just joined, I have been on reddit for a while now, I post here or there but I really need the grace that only reddit seems to have, kisses but you know it's true. So, I guess, I am screaming into the void, because the truth is I am so gutturally confused.
Like the title says- I have always fantasized of being a flower child, a changeling, of turning towards the corner of the yard, the woods beckoning me to run away, the gentleness of which the coyotes would pick my bones clean. My childhood felt like a house fire only I could see.
My father's nightcap of whiskey got less and less watered down as nights were uncomfortable to spend on the family room couch. The one that he fiercely protects, once threatening my friend who mistakenly lounged in his spot. My mother's love felt scarce, a luxury only my younger sister could afford. Between that and her ambition to become the first nurse and college graduate of both families, I was more of my father's daughter. My younger sister and I were doll-like children, meek and polite to the price of our own dignity and self. To give a brief snapshot of what it was like being raised by them \~ even though "I'm remembering it all wrong, or not at all" I will try to go in chronological order, but you can quickly see most of these were not isolated incidents and I jump around:
-daily spankings because of crying during daycare drop off (fair technique)
-tricking us out of the "broken" car, in the rain on a dirt road "get gas" and proceeded to speed past us laughing as we ran after his taillights in the mud, we were in another country, on a solo trip with just our dad, we were both elementary school age.
-In elementary school and 6th grade I lived in a sweatshirt because when I hit puberty. I pleaded to my mother how hard it was to hear my father's constant comments about my womanhood and new body. He started to compare me to a hooker around this time, calling me a slut for trying to wear what my friends wore to school- leggings, shorts shorter than the knee but not offensively short I promise, though I strongly feel as clothing does not mean consent.
-For as long as I can remember, he would take pictures of us when we looked embarrassed then show it to family, friends, whoever in conversation in front of us then scold us when we inevitably felt bad or asked him to stop. He would also promise to delete the photo but would continue the previously mentioned above.
-So far, I have just been harping on my father, but the truth is they are a match made in hell, and though I feel like my mother is a victim in her own way. It was very hard to exist without their constant horrible comments about my appearance and character. They both shamed skinny children to be thinner, critiqued my body through puberty, and felt entitled to touch my body when and how they wanted. Examples include my father's frequent ass grabbing, and then allowing his adult male friend to do the same.
-They both would ridicule me for working minimum wage jobs in high school, while my father funnels out of my sister and I's joint accounts, only when we confront him does he fess that he required the money we earned for ourselves for the "mortgage". He continues as well as set monetary account goals, right before trips or plans, he would always be surprised that we had managed to scrape together enough money. He expects me to find a place that will fire and schedule me on a winter vacation, or to amount 5k in less than 3 months, while paying for my own necessities, thank you for teaching me to live on frugality as a means of survival.
-The name calling I touched on, but I would be the first to come home from school, my father would take his lunch to come home and berate me verbally of how much of a loser I am and will continue to be. The verbal arguments were daily, I fully admit to yelling back but in truth I couldn't leave his spewing red face hurling threats, I had to stay glued in place until he had his fill.
-Another solo trip with my father and sister, my mother had cleaned my room while we were away and had found my treasures- vapes, two beers. I got pulled out of the running shower to be beaten on and off through the night whenever my father took a break from tv, my sister sob in the room with my father to stop and I sat on the couch until morning. We had a tourist excursion the next day and I got it again before we left because I was not to "ruining the rest of his vacation with my bad attitude"
-They locked away my childhood cat, sick with cancer, to die alone in the basement so she would ruin their floors with her incontinence. When she passed, they did not tell me, they buried her in the woods behind our house, I wish I could lay beside her, I'm sorry little one.
-My father would come home and yell at me for not having dinner ready for him, because when my mother worked late or was not home, the next one responsible for dinner was my younger sister or me.
-He physically corners us or refuses to let us leave. Threatened my life when I tried to leave the house during an argument.
-Put his hand through the door a couple of times because I “gave attitude” by responding with ok. Readers, please note I am capable of attitude, but this was not the case, I was scared, and I just wanted to give him whatever answer he wanted
-I'm a summer birthday, so for my big 21st I had my cousin, bf and sister have a pool party in my parents' pool. No one told me the plan all day. I was told to just relax by everyone, because normally I would be running around serving people or helping my parents. No one told me anything, so we played some games in the yard, had some wine coolers and then swam. My father flies outside and starts yelling at me from the side of the pool to get my ass out and blow out my candles because he needs to drive my cousin 20 minutes home each way. So, I blew out my candles, soaking wet staring daggers because my father has always managed to underplay or make me feel bad on my birthday too? Another grievance from my 21st birthday is that my father grilled frozen steaks, and I truly do not want to seem like a stuck-up princess, but he proceeded to buy 300$ of food from my favorite restaurant and his favorite food is steak not mine. Note his birthday is the next day following mine.
I may post in regard to the tribulation that was my childhood in this thread again, but it takes a lot out of me, and I have already had myself a day sorry. Now you're all caught up and I just want you to know-
I have long ruminated over my own words and actions; though I have many regrets I do not feel ashamed of my choices or who I am because I try to treat everyone with kindness and most importantly respectability. I know the lengths my immigrant parents have gone through to build themselves a life. I know the struggles my father had with his father, the alcoholic who raised him with cruelty reserved for not even a barn animal. I know that my mother lived in the shadows as a neglected middle child hoping to find someone who realized all her good in the way her parents did not. I can see and understand that I carry the same wounds, and now it is within my responsibility to be better.
So, my relationship with my parents is strained right now. I have been in low contact with my mother and father for nearly four years, with periods of better contact. We have tried therapy, though it's difficult as my mother uses this as an opportunity to explore her wounds rather than our history or relationship. Though the therapist was helpful in directing the conversation back, I believe that the work can only happen with the person wanting to actually work on themselves, so I feel like I am at a frustrating impasse.
Every time I feel like I can take out a brick between the wall I keep between us, my mother will say something that makes me build another layer. I try not to be sensitive, yet I know my mother likes to cut with her words, though she claims otherwise. In a recent conversation my mother admitted that my father and she spent a great effort in making sure my beauty did not go to my head and did this in order to keep me humble.
For context, my mother’s side of the family does not like my father, and this along with other childhood issues festering into adulthood drove a wedge between my mother and her younger brother. His recent divorce and my mother’s empty nest have given them much time and space to rekindle their sibling relationship. So on our already strained phone calls she hits me with these metaphors of her brother and her relationship to ours. Am I off for thinking that those are two very different relationships, yet both have.. Jealousy? Furthermore, I feel a looney because I am fighting to keep them in my life, and they are fighting to be right.? To be absolved of the guilt and shame that maybe they did do the wrong thing.?
What gives them the right? When we all have to lay away at night with our guilt you want me to hold yours? I want a mother and they want a guiltless soul
Truthfully, I do not know what kind of future lies ahead for us. I think I grieve having bullies instead of parents, of what I missed out on and who I could have been. Like I said I am low contact right now, but after a normal phone call talking about the weather and our pets today, I had an anxiety attack to the point I fought to stay conscious. This has not been the first time I have fainted due to anxiety, mostly surrounding situations that remind me of them or things they punished or did to me in the past. The day after I wished my father a happy birthday after a year of no contact, I got two pills of ativan to the face after a ER visit in which they thought my poor bf was trafficking me. Though this is maybe too much, I am always sweating, my sides literally pour, my hands shake, and I can string together a sentence if I try. I feel like a different person, a moist, meek person.. which is not me, I self tattoo and pierce, I can and have tackled an attacking dog and I have punched touchy men square in the nose. I’m tough because I fought tooth and nail to be kind and gentle, we rescued cats and recently a possum, and we let out spiders and bugs, so our cats don’t terrorize them.
Here’s the thing… we’re getting married!
We’re tying the knot in the woods at the end of May, but I feel like an asshole because I have not told my parents. They know we’re engaged.
My mother, in a recent phone call, told me of this travel nurse that she had gotten close to, that was getting married soon, and invited my mother to go dress shopping with her. My mother told me how sad this girl felt that her family was all the way across the country, coincidently much like we are. This felt like she was guilting me, but she went so far as to send me a picture of a couple, I didn’t verify who it actually was.
Another issue is I am dealing with the guilt of getting a ring and bands elsewhere. My father is a high-end jeweler whose work has been showcased by celebs, my whole life I heard that my father was going to design and make my engagement ring. After long consideration, we picked out a ring from Madrid that felt more like me. When I look at my wedding rings I want to think of my husband not my father. I am more than happy with anything else, rings for other occasions, but it makes my skin crawl and my stomach curling because part of me feels as if it's more of a collar than a ring then.
My mother wants to meet over memorial weekend, she wants me to fly out a day to visit before I’m getting married.
I do not know if I should facetime them and break the news before, after or invite them. It’s already last minute so airfare will be expensive, but I know they are going to be so heartbroken. Part of me does not want them there either because I have felt alone my whole life, I figured I would do my wedding the same way, though it's hard because my fiancé's family will be there, and I will have no one. I wish I could hire a friend... lol typed that with a tear in my eye that's ironic.
Suggestions please

It's me again. I thought since my last story was a sad one I'll post another that's not sad but I may be the AH.
My parents foster sister and my brother all went on a road trip. We did a lot of road trips this is just one out of many. Zera will be the name for my foster sister and Leo will be my brother and of course my wonderful parents Jenny and Lee.
One summer when I was 13 yrs old we went to visit another brother of mine in Louisiana. They lived not to far from New Orleans.
We went to New Orleans for dinner at a seafood restaurant. But where we went was on a strip that absolutely no cars were allowed and only people walking with a few bars that had motorcycles parked out front. Zera said oh look at these bikes. She is walking right up to them putting a finger out to touch. I said DONT TOUCH.. she did and these things started to fall like Domino's and I yell RUN. We were falling a little behind the family group so we caught up and then bikers came out and looked around and were obviously very pissed. I don't blame them. We get to the restaurant and while sitting there the bikers came in asking if anyone saw anything of someone messing with there motorcycles. My throat dropped into my stomach. But they left cause no one saw or said they did at all.
The two days after that we went to Alabama to a Phoenix five hotel very fancy thanks to my oldest brother. He makes bank. We where on the 13th floor with a balcony looking out to the ocean and beach also could see the hotels pool. People looked like ants. So the next day I met a couple kids a girl around my age also with my same name but spelt differently and her brother. As I'm swimming in the outdoor pool with them Zera comes up to me and shows me this long red narly looking burn thing wrapped around her arm and says a jelly fish stung me so I grabbed it and threw it as it left a tentacle on her and she ripped it off. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I couldn't help but laugh. So that night was one where the blue craps were mating on the ocean and the boy I met asked if I wanted to go with him to see them. I said sure as long as it's ok with my mom. So I asked and of course she said yes and then asked how old the boy was he was 15 so ya she said ok have fun. As I waited in the lobby for him Zera is bugging me begging to come with me. Finally I broke down and said fine. She never liked the fact that boys would pay attention to me. Doing more stupid things to get there attention. Any who we were walking on the beach watching all these beautiful dark blue crabs all over the beach with our flash light. Zera decides she wants to pick one up and proceeds to pick it up from the front. She knows better then that due to us crawfish hunting back at home. He then stops her and she finally holds it after he picked it up. She puts him down and starts to walk away and he comes up to me and asks. Does she have problems. I just replied with yeah not the brightest of the bulbs.
The next day we head over the state border to Florida so my mom could get her collectors magnet from the state just to finish her magnet map. We are at this little beach like shop they was selling hermit crabs. On their cages it says don't not put fingers in cage. And what does Zera decide to do put her finger in the cage. I'm looking at a rack of t-shirts hoping to get one and I hear this blood curdling scream. I look towards the scream and see Zera running through the store with a hermit attached to her finger as she flings her finger around trying to get it to release. The greatest part was the employees chasing after her telling her to stop running and they can help. The employees got the poor little guy off her finger and it was all good after that. We left very promptly afterwards.
We go on the road again the day after that as my oldest brother went back home we proceeded to our home doing a big loop in the states making a stop in Memphis Tennessee due to my mom being a big Elvis fan she want to go to the Elvis museum. We are walking around looking at all this history. We come up to this huge bronze statue of him with a sign stating don't touch the statue. My mom wanted us to take a picture in front of it as Zera put her arm behind and around said sign. Loud alarms start to Blair and I put my hands up saying it wasn't me, I didn't do it.
We finally get home and I made so much fun of her and would laugh at her cause I know she is smarter then doing all that. Eventually she started to laugh with me. But when I talk about this road trip I laugh and people look at me and say I'm horrible for laughing at her.
AITAH for laughing at Zera's misfortune?

So, I’m binging the show and obviously am a little late to the game atp lol. I wanna do some deep reflection on Katie’s character and how she treats her kids.
What I’ve noticed throughout the first, second and now third seasons, is Katie’s inconsistency with the kids. She hates how Oliver has always been money obsessed and scheming for riches; she hated Taylor’s friends, the rich bfs, tried controlling everything and knocking her down a peg at every opportunity she had, but with Anna-Kat - it’s pretty much the opposite! She’s obsessed with helping her be apart of the “in crowd”, she tried to eliminate Franklin and get her close with those twins, then she obsessed over throwing the perfect get together for the “popular girls”, and is constantly trying to make play dates that expand her social circle and improve her popularity. I know Anna-Kat has been implied that she has OCD and is in special education, perhaps implications of being on the spectrum, but Katie just absolutely obsessed over the idea of her becoming popular and basically buying friendship from the popular kids. Meanwhile constantly shaming and judging the rich moms in her town because she’s projecting her fear of not belonging. It’s weird to me that she’s sooo controlling with her kids friends and dating life, not allowing them to be a part of the “rich” culture, but wants it for her youngest child. Am I overthinking this all? Is anyone else picking up on this? Does she hate the rich “culture” or does she cover it? Why pull two kids away whirled trying to encourage one kid to lean into it?
It makes me think of some negative parenting stereotypes: 1. Boy mom- no one is good enough for her baby boy. He will always be a baby in her eyes. Allowing him to mature, make money, have goals, etc. would mean he would eventually leave home and no longer need his mom. 2. Jealousy towards the oldest daughter. Katie is constantly reminding her how “popular she was” as a teen. Alluding to how active her s3x life was but judging her daughter for small things like minor PDA, Halloween costumes, etc . Demanding she dye her hair back when she dyed it blonde in the early season and basically saying she OWNED Taylor’s haibody. “Hating” every bf she ever had (worth mentioning how Katie was also seen doting over teen boys she claimed were attractive 🤢) and trying to run them all off or play mind games. Always meddling with her friendships in very intrusive ways. I could go on tbh. Lastly, 3. The Golden child. Anna-Kat. Despite causing trouble at school, being sneaky, manipulative, etc. she’s Katie’s “favorite child”. She always says how she is “just like her”. But is this really a good thing if she is constantly trying to get Taylor to be the complete opposite of who she was as a teen? Wouldn’t that mean she doesn’t like who she was or is? Could her treatment towards Taylor be fueled by jealousy from Taylor being who katie never really was? Was Katie actually “the coolest popular kid”? Or is this just a facade she’s portraying to justify her projecting, due to her internalized self-hatred?
I know, it’s just a TV show lol. None of it really matters in the grand scheme of things. But this is the stuff that keeps me up at night 😂 I’m constantly comparing my real life, my psychological knowledge and past experiences with the dynamics of TV show families. I can’t help but try to evaluate what’s realistic and what normal truly is or should be. 🤣🤣 and I guess that’s on growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive environment.

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but life kept getting in the way.
There is a bunch of new (well, new to me) stuff I've discovered over the last few weeks, and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Let's start with the "prequel" (although never canonically confirmed) to the Marathon series was a game called Pathways to Darkness. The backstory for this game is:

Sixty-four million years ago, a large extra-terrestrial object struck the Earth in what would later be called the Yucatan Peninsula, in south eastern Mexico. The dust and rock thrown up by the resulting explosion caused enormous climactic changes in the ensuing years, and many of the Earth's species became extinct during the long winter that followed.
The object itself was buried thousands of feet below ground, its nearly two kilometer length remarkably intact. It remained there, motionless, for thousands of years before it finally began to stir-- and to dream.

Hmm. Buried below ground. Finally beginning to stir and dream. Who does that sound like?
Let's keep going.

The heat of impact liquefied the rock around it, which later cooled and encased the dead god's huge body far below ground. As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment.. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality.
Like Fingerrats? Or like Spider-wolves?

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

Caverns and landscapes. I want to expand this point here for a bit because it's also mirrored across Alagaesia.
Let's start with Helgrind.
For any FV enjoyers, I've previously speculated that Helgrind is a reliquary, or a previously living being that was transformed (a la Ctein).
But the curious thing here is the timeline of Helgrind and it's tunnel system, taken with the above context.

Q: Assuming it wasn't built by the Ra'zac themselves, was the lair inside Helgrind purpose-built for the Ra'zac and Lethrblaka, or did they appropriate it some time after it was built? If it wasn't built for them, what was its original purpose?
A: Partially natural formations (linked to tunnels elsewhere in Alagaësia), partly expanded by the priests of Helgrind and Galbatorix himself.

But... The Ra'Zac didn't inhabit Helgrind until at least after the Humans came over. So these tunnels underneath Helgrind existed before the Ra'Zac, or Galbatorix ever set foot on Alagaesia. Which, I don't know about you, but a massive network of tunnels does not smell entirely natural to me.
So.. where else are there "natural" formations that link to other tunnels elsewhere in Alagaesia?
We've seen these "natural" formations in Vroengard:

Q: The deeps under Vroengard, were they created by the riders or was it a previous system of caverns that they repurposed?
A: Previous system. I mean, there's been work done on them, but... 'It looks similar, parts of it feel similar to the caverns that we encountered in this book. They both have that hole in the cave which goes deeper, with something in the hole that's not clearly defined.' Yeah.

And we've seen similar depictions in the Beors, and Nal Gorgoth. So from the Beors to Vroengard, "natural" tunnels exist underground. I don't buy that they are entirely natural.
Given the context of the Marathon game above:

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I think these tunnels came from Azlagur.
Let's switch gears here, I want to talk about another archaeological mystery in the world of Eragon - El-Harim.
I believe El-Harim was heavily influenced by the (not canon confirmed, but implied) prequel to the Marathon games, the Pathways into Darkness

Pathways casts the player as a member of a US Army Special Forces team sent on a mission to the Yucatán Peninsula. On May 5, 1994, a diplomat from the alien race known as the Jjaro appeared to the President of the United States and informed him that on May 13, an ancient godlike being sleeping beneath a pyramid would awaken and destroy the Earth. The only way to prevent this catastrophe is to prevent the god from awakening. The eight-man Special Forces team carries a nuclear weapon, with the goal of entering the ancient pyramid, descending to the bottom level where the god sleeps, and activating the bomb to stun the god and bury it under tons of rock.

Getting into a bit more of the backstory:

Only during the last few centuries has the god begun to effect changes on the surface of the Earth. Grotesque creatures have been sighted deep in the trackless forest of the Yucatan, and strange rumors of an ancient pyramid-- which is neither Aztec nor Mayan-- in the same area have been circulating in the archaeological community since the early 1930's.

Pyramid, eh? There are two different options here I can think of that equate.
The extended FWW Map
First, in the extended map from FWW, we can see a Pyramid-esque shape - Different color, different slope, etc.
Or, second (and probably more likely), it could be El-Harim:

It is a very bad place. It’s a place where some bad things happened at one point and it’s not a good place to go walking around. I don’t want to get into it too much more because again, it’s a good possibility for another story and I want to keep thinking about it a bit more. It is in Alagaesia and we’ve actually been close to the location.

Many speculate that the below vision from Eragon in Brisingr, which was never explained in the main cycle, is of El-Harim:

And he rested, and visions beset him of a circular stone city that stood in the center of an endless plain and of a small girl who wandered among the narrow, winding alleys within and who sang a haunting melody (A Feast with Friends, Brisingr).

If this vision IS El-Harim , it's super significant because of these two descriptors:

circular stone city
narrow, winding alleys

Fractals. The city itself is a fractal, like Nidus for any FV enjoyers.
The narrow winding alleys are significant because of the descriptors of the Vanished/Grey folk:

The spaces between the structures were narrower than the humans preferred; the proportions were taller, thinner, which matched the images she had seed of the Vanished...
The ancient outline of the city was - as she suspected - a fractal, and the shape of it contained meaning.... At the nexus of the apttern, where it coiled in on itslef like a nautilus shell" (Shards, TSIASOS).

Narrow. Circular (Nautilus shell). Winding. Fractal.
Whatever this city is, El-Harim or otherwise, it is/was a grey folk/vanished city.
And given the quotes from above - "Its a place where some bad things happened at one point", and "dangerous, creeping, ancient, evil thing" - My guess is that the event that caused the Grey Folk to bind the AL to magic happened here, in El-Harim.
Alright, moving along.
Let's talk about the Az and the God. There are a few parallels I've talked around, but the BIG link between the two are Dreams. This is especially important because of the release of the world map recently.

We are the devotees of Azlagur, the Devourer. Azlagur the Firstborn. Azlagur the Dreamer. He who sleeps and whose sleeping mind weaves the warp and weft of the waking world. But the sleep grows restless" (Obliteration, Murtagh).

Versus

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I could write a whole post about the parallels between the two and their linkage to dreams, but I'll cut it short here for now to save room to dig in to other areas. Specifically, the Dreams connection is especially important because of the relase of the world map recently - I have another post here that gets into more detail, but the translations from the World Map in the middle translate to:

where dreams and dragons dwell

Dreams (!) and Dragons.
Combine that with the Etymology of the words:

Alagaësia ala = land gaësia = rich/fertile
Alalëa ala = land lëa = a beautiful dream
Elëa = the dream itself

So the planet, named Elea, translates to "The Dream Itself". Very interesting.
This is even more significant when you take into account this tweet chain from Chris, a bit earlier in March

Darn it. Just invented a name in the ancient language. Googled it to make sure no one else had used it ... only to discover that I had used it in an earlier book. Lol.
Can we ask what name?
Edurna

I believe the name was a potential candidate for the name of the planet of Alagaesia, which is important because of the etymology of THAT name (All credit to Zora for digging this one up).

Edurna sounds awfully like Adurna and Edur
Adurna meaning water and Edur being a prominence

Prominence. And Water. You know what that sounds like to me? Plaintive Verge. Just food for thought.
Second-to-last Az connection I want to cover: Hunger.

Whirling darkness swallowed him, and at the center of it... lay a formless horror - ancient and evil and from which emanated a constant merciless hunger (Dreams and Portents).

Versus a quote about the cosmic entity in Marathon:

Now I fear what that weapon has unleashed will destroy us. I once boasted to be able to count the atoms in a cloud, to understand them all, predict them, and so did I predict you, but this new chaos is entirely terrible, mindless, obeying rules that I don't comprehend. And it is hungry.

Now, the last piece of Azlagur-related lore I want to cover here is the "Black Sun".
In all of the visions, a Black Sun precipitates Azlagur's rise.

"A black sun rimmed by black flame hung against a darkling sky... The beast rose rampant against the black sun - A wingless dragon, apocalyptic in size, terrifying in presence. Destroyer of hope, eater of light"

Before getting into the Black Sun a bit more, there's an additional connection here I want to touch on - usage of the word rampant in connection with Azlagur.

In Marathon, Rampancy is the enhanced self-awareness of a computer AI, causing a progression towards greater mental abilities and destructive impulses. The destructive impulses, however, are primarily caused by being threatened or harassed. There are three main stages, as well as a fourth and final stage that is rarely achieved, to rampancy, named by the primary attitude of the AI during those times: Melancholia, Anger, Jealousy, and Meta-Stability.

There are some overlaps with what we see from the Maw.
And Melancholia.. that's an interesting word. Especially when taken into context the meaning of the name:

A melancholy dream of great beauty.

Melancholy.. Dream... The pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And Rampant...
Chris also uses that exact same verbiage when discussing a deleted scene from TSIASOS:

Q: I just finished reading To Sleep in a Sea of Stars and I have to know: it sounds like the Wranaui fought the corrupted during the Sundering but if that's true and it happened almost 300 years prior.... Who created the old corrupted? I've been questioning this for days!
A: That was actually in material cut by editors (some of the dream memories). Another Seed/Idealis was damaged and, when the Old Ones tried to separate it from its host, the xeno went rampant.

The xeno went rampant. Very interesting.
Alrighty, I keep getting distracted, back to the black sun.
The reason the Black Sun is important is because it always precipitates Azlagur's rise, throughout several of Murtahgh's visions. In each of them, there is a Black sun.
So, by this, we can extrapolate that the sun needs to be Black in order for Azlagur to rise (which is hinted at at the "Day of Black Sun" celebrations near the end of the book).
But... what does it actually mean?
There is a parallel in Marathon, their weapon:

The trih xeem (also "tri xeem") is an extremely powerful weapon that can be used to force a star into early nova... it was originally conceived and built by the Jjaro [The Old Ones/Vanished equivalent]. Much of the Marathon Infinity story revolves around preventing the Pfhor from using the tri xeem and inadvertently releasing a W'rkncacnter that is supposedly trapped within the Lh'owon sun.

So, the story of the last Marathon games revolves around preventing the usage of the weapon to release the cosmic-level baddie trapped in the sun. So, effectively, the antagonist is imprisoned by the sun.
But.. how does that translate to Azlagur and Murtagh?
The Black Sun requirement for Azlagur's rise could be construed as "imprisonment" by the sun; Azlagur cannot escape until the sun is turned Black. But it only really starts to come together when you piece together these pictures.
First, early concept art for the Fractalverse
You see the black orb, heading directly for the glowing star? Sounds pretty similar.
But that's not the smoking gun; look at the depiction of the black orb in the concept art, and compare it to the trih xeem, the weapon in Marathon.
A black orb with a trail heading directly for the sun. Almost an exact match.
OK.. so I get that it has some relevence in fractalverse, but how does it translate to Eragon?
Well, because of the Beors. Specifically, a picture CHRIS HIMSELF posted about the Beors.
Here
I propose that THIS black orb, at the top of the Beors (which, suspiciously, no one has traveled to) houses the black weapon. After all, the depiction is quite similar - A large, circular, black orb. Looks pretty similar to the other pictures.
And given the above context that Azlagur can only rise with a "Black Sun", the pieces all start to fit together. It's not perfect, but there are definitely a lot of overlaps.
Alright. I've been waiting for this one. The last piece. Let's talk about Angela.
Q: Will we get Angela lore? I feel like she could have killed Galbatorix and just didn't feel like it.
A: For those who don't know Angela is based on my sister Angela, because she breaks the fourth wall to a degree she has. Not only does she have plot armor, she knows she's in a story and can break the story itself. So, yes, she could have killed Galbatorix, but that would have made for a very bad story. That said, I do have an entire book planned around Angela, and it's very high on my list of books to write because it takes place before some of these other big stories I want to write. And that's also the difficult thing. I have my big storylines, and then I have a couple of one off side books I want to write, and it's just a question of time, energy and effort.
She knows she's in a story, and she can break the story.
Based on that, and several other descriptions I will get into in a bit, I think her story is directly related to the Marathon Infinity game.

Marathon Infinity begins as the Pfhor destroy Lh'owon using a Jjaro-derived doomsday weapon known as the Trih Xeem or "early nova". Unfortunately, the weapon also releases a powerful chaotic being: The W’rkncacnter, which threatens to destroy the entire galaxy. Because of the W’rkncacnter's chaos or by means of some Jjaro tech of his own, the player is transported back and forward in time, finding himself jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides in a desperate attempt to prevent the chaotic being's release.

and

In Marathon Infinity, a W'rkncacnter is imprisoned in the sun of planet Lh'owon. It is theorized by some that the W'rkncacnter's powerfully chaotic nature may be responsible for the jumps between realities seen in the game. When the Pfhor use a trih xeem device to send the star into early nova, the creature is released, to the horror and destruction of the Pfhor.

Angela is the Eragon-equivalent of the player.
She can transport back and forward in time, jumping between timelines, and fighting to prevent the chaotic being's (Azlagur's) release. Let's dive in.
First:

Q: Is it canon that Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord and did she make a cameo in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars?
A: Is Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord? That would be copyright infringement, so I'm going to say "no comment", but she is in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars. And there is a canon reason for this. And you should have no problem spotting who she is in that book.

So there's a canon reason she's in the book. Interesting. When you take that into context with the next bit

Q: On your last AMA on reddit, someone asked if any fan had guessed the identity and history of Angela correctly. You said nobody has guessed correctly and there's not enough information in the books to do so. That puts every fan theory out there on her wrong, correct? She's not the soothsayer, a time lord, grey folk, etc, correct?
A: Angela: Some of the fan theories have gotten parts of her history and identity correct. However, there's a HUGE aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (or least, not in a non-joking way). And no, I don't mean her being a Time Lord.

So there's a huge aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (at least at the time of writing). She's self-aware, knows she's in a story, and can jump around in time. And, similar to the Marathon games, it appears like only she knows that she's in a story.
So, based on the Marathon inspiration, we can guess that she is trying to accomplish the same thing - To prevent the release of the cosmic-level villain. We know that she has some kind of relationship with the Draumar:

In Murtagh, it’s revealed that Bachel and “Uluthrek” (Mooneater, Angela’s given Urgal name) met with Bachel explicitly going out to confront her (a courtesy not even offered to a Rider like Murtagh)

So, by extension, she has some kind of connection to Azlagur. This is supported by other circumstantial evidence in FWW as well:

Since we know that the Dream Well in Mani's Caves is similar to the Well in Nal Gorgoth I can assume that Angela is revealing the existence of the Draumar to Elva there? I feel certainly feel as if you're setting up her for something in the future series.
Heh. Good Catch.

So, she is clearly working with Elva to do something related to the Dream Wells, and she also previously confronted Bachel, many years ago. So throughout multiple years across the WoE, she is connected to Azlagur and the Draumar; her story clearly revolves around them/Azlagur, somehow.
Putting the above pieces together, my guess is that she is jumping around in different timelines, trying to manipulate actions of the past to prevent the rise of Azlagur. Just like the player character in Marathon. There's another piece of circumstantial evidence to support this assertion as well.
In Marathon Infinity:

After multiple "jumps," the player (seemingly the only one who realizes he is being transported between possible realities)

Versus Angela:

As hours passed, the stars turned above, night chill drew the heat from my body, and I fell into a curious trance, not asleep but not fully awake... The world altered" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

I believe this world "Altering" was the first time she experienced an alternate timeline, without knowing what it was at the time.
We've also seen her create "Doorways" as well - Although it's not clear if this is fast traveling (a la a Torque Gate), or truly opening a path to another timeline.
In Eldest:

"As they landed, he noticed a patch of white on a small hill nearby. The patch wavered strangely in the dark, like a floating candle, then resolved into Angela, who was wearing a pale wool tunic" (A Sorceress, a Snake, and a Scroll).

and then later, more concretely:

"I traced a line on the wall, reached out, and opened a door that wasn't there. ON the other side - nighttime, a beach by a black ocean lit only by stars, so many, many stars, more than there should be. Of course, I would not take Elva to my home, not yet. But this was a waypoint, a place to build and learn and grow... She stared into the gap, the impossible portal" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

Still, as always with Angela, so many questions.
Alright, we've reached an ungodly wordcount, so I'll call it here. There are still more connections I'm uncovering between the two series (such as the potential connection between the Gedway Ignasia and the "warning" sensation from Marathon), so I might make a follow-up post in the future with everything else I uncover.
As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments, or if you've found any other connections between the two.

We had to return our spectrum wave router two years ago because it wasn't compatible with our bluetooth garage opener system. Does anyone know if they have upgraded the routers since then and if they are compatible now? We bought a TP LINK router and apparently it's causing issues with intermittent service. Our internet goes off and on regularly all night and Spectrum says it's not from their end. I'm wondering if getting one of their routers now would work out for my MYQ system or if it's pretty much just going to cause the same problem and not connect at all? I really don't know what to do. Should I just buy a new router outright? Does anyone have a recommendation for an inexpensive but strong router that works well with spectrum? I miss the days when they had the all in one routemodem. It was so much less stressful!

My mother in law lives in a different state so she doesn’t get so see my son often. The last time she saw him in person was February 4th. She flew in yesterday and came by when my husband was working and I answered the door holding him and he was shy (of course) and she immediately tried to grab him from me but he was pulling away and wanting me. And she forced him out of my arms and took him. He was uncomfortable and I just wanted him to be comfortable. I admit we both have separation anxiety from each other. I have diagnosed PPD and PPA and I currently take medicine for the PPD but not the PPA. So I just try my hardest every day to be okay even tho I’m terrified about everything including the possibilities of something happening to him. Anyways, there were just multiple instances of her trying to grab him when he wants me. Now he does play with her and want her when I tell him it’s okay or when he gets comfortable but then he will have enough and want me. I know he does love her though. He only falls asleep in my arms and he’s fallen asleep in her arms a few times. I feel bad for feeling this way and being stressed because she does love all 3 of us very much and this is her first time being a grandma and she clearly loves it but I feel like she’s trying to force it. So today my friend invited me and my mother in law to go swimming with her and her baby brother and since my mother in law didn’t tell me what time she was planning on coming over I just texted her saying I will be gone with Felix at the pool and I invited her to come with but she said she didn’t bring her swim suit. A few min later she texted again asking if I wanted her to pick up Felix and take him to her mom’s house which is 30 min away so I can get some rest. (He’s also not familiar with his great grandma since she doesn’t reach out and we only come over when we have enough time to ask.) I do appreciate that because for the past few months I’ve been dealing with some very serious symptoms and cancer runs in my family so I’m already a paranoid person because of it and it’s way worse now that I have a wonderful husband and beautiful baby boy. (I am seeing doctors in the specialties of my symptoms and I have tests scheduled already). I’ve been incredibly tired for the past couple months no matter how much sleep I get and my eyes have been super droopy. I look high but I swear I’m not 😆. And I’m losing a lot of weight unintentionally. I lost 5 pounds this week and 30 in the past 2 months. So I’m just giving you an idea of how I’m struggling. So I kindly told her no and that he absolutely loves the pool and seeing him happy makes my heart melt. So she came over when I was finished hanging out with my friend and my husband was home at that time and she told us that she would be taking him on Thursday (basically tomorrow. It’s almost midnight 😆) and going to go see her friend…a person I know absolutely nothing about. When she left I told my husband I wasn’t okay with it because he’s still a baby and I have no idea who this person is. He thinks I don’t trust her but it’s not that at all. She did a very good job raising my husband. It’s that I don’t trust strangers. And I’m not saying she has horrible friends cause I don’t think she does. We are all Mormon (she’s incredibly involved in the church and in her faith. Way more than me) and we live in the Mormon state but there’s a lot of info surfacing about people in the church that seem like they’re a safe person but in reality they’re not. Read this as an example https://kutv.com/amp/news/local/provo-parents-arrested-after-alleged-rape-of-teen-daughter-utah-county-sexual-assault I just don’t know who I can trust. I myself am a rpe and sx traffic survivor. And it happened by people that were in my adopted family. I just have a lot of trauma. I do have a lot of mental illnesses that make it hard and painful to live including bipolar 1 and BPD. I’m just a very on edge person but no anxiety med works. I just feel like everyone has a dark side and I want to be with my son so that nothing happens. The world is a scary place and he’s too young and innocent to understand. He’s too young to control his emotions. He just knows “hey I’m feeling uncomfortable. I want my mom” or “I’m gonna cry because I’m having a hard time”. And I’m always there to make him happy again. I feel that he’s too young to be with people he doesn’t know for a day without his comfort. If it was just her taking him out for a few hours I would still be uncomfortable but I’d let them go and just ask for hourly check in’s and pictures. But I wouldn’t be comfortable with him gone from me for a day. I don’t want to intrude on her time with her friend but if she asked me to come with I would. I would be so much more comfortable if they came to my condo and they could all hang in the living room and I’ll just be resting on my bed. I just don’t want my infant being away from me with someone he’s not quite familiar with and someone he nor I have ever met.
I should clarify I do love my mother in law…even tho she can be intense. She’s always made me feel welcome and she buys me any clothes I want, she buys my husband and plane tickets to see them, she makes any food I want homemade, she goes on trips across the world and buys us stuff she thinks we would like or find cool (we do), and she spoils my son so much.
I’m so sorry if this doesn’t make sense. It’s very late at night and my eyes are barely open I’m so tired 😅
Please no negative comments. This is a post for advice.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 8 years and are parents of soon to be 3 young children (I’m due with our last kiddo next month). We are in our early 30s but have known each other since our early teens. We both have established, full time careers, are well educated, etc. We are in many ways what I would say is the suburban modern family. Life is hectic but we also have been very fortunate due to a combination of luck and consistent hard work and good decision making.
My husband’s family is quite the opposite. His dad has worked construction/carpentry since his early teens and been the breadwinner of the family, but has, for the most part, struggled to make ends meet. He is all in all a very charming, kindhearted guy though, and despite our vastly different lifestyles, I genuinely like him.
My MIL…she’s something else. While we have a mostly cordial relationship, she is truly one of the most self-absorbed people I’ve ever met. And not in a malicious manner— she just genuinely is narcissistic and thinks she knows best. Mostly this an annoying nuisance to occasionally deal with. She has said and done some unsavory things in the past that have resulted in short NC periods.
But this mentality ramped up to an 11 on a scale of 1-10 back in late February/early March.
My husband and I were going through an extremely stressful period in our marriage due to a number of issues. I was— and still am— pregnant with our third, we have a 5 and 2 year old, we were both working full time, and my husband’s job kept requiring him to travel out of state for a couple weeks at a time. Running a household as essentially a single mother while working full time was very stressful in itself, but then my grandmother had a stroke while he was out of state. By the time he got back, it was clear she wasn’t going to recover. She died with 48 hours of his return— which had given me just enough time to travel to visit her.
Almost simultaneously, my MIL was diagnosed with CLL. MIL has dealt with recurrent minor illnesses for some time (sinus and ear infections, the flu, etc.), so the cancer diagnosis wasn’t particularly surprising to me. But as most would do, we all spent some time reading up on this particular form of cancer, the general prognosis and treatment, etc.
My own parents happen to have both had cancer. My dad is a stage 2 prostate cancer survivor, having undergone treatment about 15 years ago. My mom unfortunately was not so lucky with her diagnosis— anaplastic carcinoma of the thyroid— and from diagnosis to death was less than ten months. It’s been about a decade now. Needless to say, I feel I am fairly well versed in the oncology world for an average person and able to provide some insight on the experience.
CLL, as I understand, and from what I’ve now heard from her original oncologist, is generally not a very aggressive cancer. I have heard some people refer to it as more like autoimmune disorder. It often requires little treatment and more “watchful waiting” of symptoms. My MIL was told by the oncologist that this is exactly what their plan was, that her cancer was not aggressive or requiring treatment, and that she could essentially live a normal life with occasional blood draws for monitoring purposes.
From the moment she was diagnosed though, it has been all about her. Her cancer diagnosis overshadowed my grandma’s actual death. My husband had to be gone for a day and a half to attend her first appointment, even if I was balancing life as a single working mom who was grieving at the moment. Before her first consultation, everyone was sure she was dying, even though it didn’t take an expert to look over her bloodwork and realize that she was likely in a very low stage of this non-aggressive cancer.
When she attended her consultation, her, FIL, SIL, and my husband had to go to support and were relieved to hear the good news. MIL was mortally offended that the oncologist poo-pooed her ridiculous made up, self-enforced diet that had already caused her to lose 10lbs. She’s not a big boned lady, so that was not weight she needed or should be losing. MIL is convinced that homeopathic and naturopathic remedies are the way to go, that “big pharma” is out to get us and make a buck off of our treatment, etc. She quite literally took ivermectin for covid previously, folks. So the fact that an oncologist would tell her that her diet was downright silly pissed her off and she quickly tried to find others more aligned with her viewpoints.
Life resumed more normally for a couple of weeks, but her random “cures” added to her diet and lifestyle have gotten increasingly bizarre and frankly inconvenient for her entire family.
This past weekend, we visited them, and MIL was insistent that she was dying and the next oncologist would recommend chemo for treatment. I fail to see why one oncologist would be so nonchalant about treatment and another would propose aggressive treatment, but I digress. She brought up Dr. Oz, a holistic massage therapist that uses oils and massage to cure cancer, and worst of all, a new item she’s added to her diet— roasted apricot pits. Now if you’re like me, you might be wondering what would possess someone to eat an apricot pit— after all, don’t they have cyanide in them? Precisely. My MIL is intentionally ingesting apricot pits because “cyanide kills cancer.”
As my husband eloquently put it, “No, cyanide kills *everything.”
Today my husband received a phone call asking if he’d be willing to petsit for them this weekend. We have a follow up ultrasound for a small abnormality detected in our baby on Friday, but MIL wants him to drive to their home two hours away and spend the night so he can watch their cat and SIL’s dog. Meanwhile MIL, FIL, and SIL will drive eight hours (and eight hours back) to visit this massage therapist/oil salesman to “cure her cancer.” Mind you, they are using SIL’s car because they have no other vehicle that works well enough to drive that far, they are constantly tight on money, and again, her oncologist has stated she does not need treatment.
I am at a loss. My husband, FIL, and SIL are all frustrated and have come around to the idea that maybe she is being a little over the top finally, but no one is putting their foot down to stop her. SIL is going to drive them instead of just saying no and not letting them take her car. FIL repeatedly drives to the store to pick up whatever weird ass product she wants to try next. And my husband despite having way too much to deal with at home, keeps dropping everything to tend to her.
It is mind boggling obnoxious and honestly in some ways offensive given my family history with cancer. My mom’s diagnosis was death sentence from the get go and she faced it with bravery and tenacity and selflessness. My MIL has a minor health scare and everyone is expected to drop everything to help her.
I am glad my husband is finally seeing reason and logic— but what now? I have told him I strongly believe he needs to speak up and encourage her to follow legitimate medical advice— both for her own good but also to bring himself peace of mind in the long run— but it’s like this woman WANTS to die.
I could go on for hours, but really I’m just wondering how the heck to toe this delicate line of supporting my spouse while prioritizing my family.

Hi, pretty long post, just want to share my story as reading all of yours has helped me these last few weeks, f(28). After Thanksgiving 2021, so early-mid December (I was 26 at the time), I somehow herniated a disc. Before this happened, literally right before, I was hurting with what I think was a pulled lower back muscle (hurt to sit and lay down but pain was only in my back right side and rest helped, something I dealt with several times in my life starting in like 7th grade, drs always said it was a pulled muscle). After about a week it was feeling better so I decided it was safe to roll onto my right side to sleep. Well, after that I started experiencing pain all down that side, I also had some tingling and slight numbness in my foot and ankle. It was bad enough that I wasn't comfortable for more than 20 minutes, standing was the least painful, lucky to sleep 3 hours at once even though I'd wake up in horrible pain, basically always in tears from the pain and discomfort. I went to the dr after a few weeks and was told it's sciatica and he referred me for an mri, gave me some kind of shots and ibuprofen. I don't remember what the shots were but they took away all of the pain for 8-10 hours and I was able to get some much needed sleep. One may have been toradol but I got a shot of it the day of my mri so laying on my back during the scan wasn't too uncomfortable, and it didn't help much.
About 2 months after my symptoms started, I finally got the mri and it showed a decent sized herniation. I don't remember exactly where it was in my low back, but I was then referred to a neurologist who evaluated me and suggested ESI, he was fairly certain it would get better on it's own and I wouldn't need surgery, he said it may or may not decrease in size as well. The ESI worked as far as I can tell, but at this point it had been about 3-4 months of healing on my own using heat, stretches, and ibuprofen and the pain was mostly gone, lingering around a 2 at it's worst, but 0 after the ESI. The tingling in my foot and ankle had gone away and I was slowly getting back to normal. Aside from the occasional leg muscle cramps and discomfort laying on my right side, I had been pain and symptom free for about 2 years. I went on vacation in June last year, we did a lot of walking and even a steep hike. I worked for a year and a half in a dispensary, on my feet a lot as well as bending, squatting or leaning down, lifting heavyish totes. I had no pain or symptoms from this. I was hopeful that it had healed up and I was going to be perfectly fine, but I was still mindful of my back. I quit working last year in September to go back to school, since then I had been generally sitting or laying most of the time doing homework, of course I still helped around the house and went out to do stuff. I just wasn't moving nearly as much as when I was working. I had also gone on a trip to Seattle in September where we walked almost everywhere. Again, no pain or symptoms.
That takes me to earlier this year, about late February or early March. I was doing alright, then I noticed my hips feeling a little sore, starting in the left then later on the right, like a toothache or a pinching feeling in the sides and sometimes front. I felt it most when laying on them at first. It also felt sore when I pressed certain areas on the side. It felt like my thighs or hips were a bit unstable, if that makes sense. I did stretches, no difference. One night, during a shower, I leaned down to move a bottle on the floor and felt a very slight twinge in my lower back. Still no back pain or symptoms down either leg though. I also had been randomly waking up with pain and stiffness in my right foot and ankle that would go away after walking on it. Naturally, all this scared me and I started sleeping only on my back with a pillow under my knees, no longer sitting cross-legged or with my legs tucked beside me on the couch, making sure I wasn't slouching and getting up every hour to walk for a few minutes, generally trying to take care of my back. I'm also sitting to get dressed right after most showers because of my hips and I'm nervous my legs will give out. I made a dr appointment early April and he suggested PT for my hips, he wasn't worried about my back or doing any imaging.
I started PT April 15th. She evaluated my hips, had me do some stretches (most were laying down with my knees bent, putting pressure on my low back, I'm wondering if this caused my situation) and gave me stretches to do at home 2x day, appointments 2x week for a month. I should also mention during her evaluation she pressed on my lower back and it sucked, no pain down my legs, just under her hand. The stretches helped my hips for the first week, then my lower back started getting stiff and sore when I would lay down for a few hours or more. I mentioned this to my PT, but she didn't say anything. I kept up with the stretches (on a thick mat on the floor at home, or on my bed) and my lower back slowly got worse each day. Finally, after about 4 PT appointments and 2 weeks of stretches I quit doing them. My back was in quite a bit of pain, I started occasionally getting tingling and slight numbness down both sides in my lower calves and feet (sometimes together, sometimes either side) and it was painful to lay and sit longer than an hour. Made another dr appointment, he suggested it was my muscles and told me to ice, take ibuprofen, and gave me Diclofenac 1% gel, assuring me that PT wouldn't likely cause or worsen a herniation. I was with a different PT for the next appointment and she tried a TENS machine with a heating pad for the pain after I did some stretches that didn't seem to bother my back. I didn't notice any difference. That same night I went to the ER because I got up from a nap and the tingling and numbness wouldn't go away so it scared me. They gave me a steroid shot, a steroid pack, a few T3's and 325mg Tylenols as well as an MRI referral. I don't know if the steroids helped or just the overall more aggressive and earlier treatment this time, but my pain and symptoms (despite being on both sides, not just the right side) aren't nearly as bad as the first time, yet. I'm still uncomfortable and having a horrible time, but it's been manageable. Hopefully I don't feel any worse after being off the steroids for a while. I finished them last Thursday (May 9th) and I've been taking the 325mg Tylenol as needed, making sure to take 2 before bed, I took all the T3's as needed. PT since has been focused on pain management, deep heat ultrasound, TENS machine and heat, also k-tape which seems to provide a small difference.
Yesterday morning (the 13th) I woke up to my back feeling a little stiff and sore but I'd been trying a few stretches the last couple days, maybe that's what's causing it so I'm gonna stop for now. I'm sleeping alright, thankfully, naps as I need or can. As my back has gotten better, my hips haven't. There's still a pinching toothache type of feeling in the sides and front and my thighs still feel unstable while I walk sometimes. I can't lean back on the couch, sitting in the car is uncomfortable so I keep the seat up straight, laying down I still feel pressure in my low back but it's been bearable enough to sleep so far. I haven't tried walking for longer than an hour at a time, slowly and carefully, it doesn't bother my back so much as it does my hips. I lay down for a break during the day if I need it, though I try not to lay down too much. I get up and walk around a bit every hour or so and I help with housework when I can. I use ice or heat for 15 min when I feel like it. I try to go to bed only when I know I'm sleepy so I don't just lay there. I sit outside in the Sun and try to distract myself from the pain the best I can by doing whatever. But lately, being up straight most of the day has been making my upper back a little sore and sometimes I feel what might be spasms along my back (a tense pain that goes away after a few seconds to minutes) and some cramping sensations in my legs.
My MRI is scheduled for the 20th, I'm hoping with all my heart that it's nothing horrible. I've been keeping a log of my symptoms and writing down questions for if I go back to the neurologist (which I would like to). Again, I apologize for the super long post, I just hope this helps someone feel less alone and scared. I know I've been feeling pretty awful the last three weeks, I can't imagine how you who have worse pain feel. I have so much anxiety and fear about this and all the possibilities and it makes everything so difficult. I'm 28, almost 29, and with luck, I have 50-60 years of living left and there's so much I want to do, without anxiety of injuring my back or being in constant pain. This is one of the scariest things I've ever gone through because it seems like it can get complicated really fast and really easy, no warning. I'm not giving up hope that I'll be alright, but it's hard when you get worn down through the day and feel so many different scary symptoms. Hopefully they make some kind of medical advancement in the disc herniation department that truly helps the pain or at least effectively reduces reinjury chances.
TLDR: Sharing my story, had a lower back disc herniation in Dec 2021 causing horrible sciatica all down right side. Had ESI a few months later even though pain was minimal at that point, got better and was generally pain and symptom free for about 2 years. Symptoms came back after a few weeks of PT for unexplained hip pain, this time it's effecting both sides. Been dealing with it for about 3 weeks now with various treatments, MRI scheduled for the 20th.

A/N: This incorporates a new build, with additional drawbacks and perks. I added a few gamer functions, as well as Lightning Quick, Brute Strength, DPS, and Rogue. More details are available over on Spacebattles (I also edited the original chapters there to reflect the changes).
Within minutes of entering the building and clocking in, I'm speedily typing away at my computer. There are stacks of papers on my desk that I am dedicatedly transcribing and digitizing.
This is my job, at least on most days. I have to take sheets of paper, invariably assorted forms related to insurance, and digitize them. In minutes I have already done this to a few different types of forms, from applications to the paperwork regarding claims and investigations into claims. "Speed Typist" mixed with "Lightning Quick" allows me to easily breeze through even dense forms and shift between the programs I need to use for each type of form. My job is hilariously, almost offensively, easy and I have already heard that we have a backlog so I have plenty of stuff to go through.
As I type I begin to think about each of my gamer perks as well as my system. Every few minutes I'll "mistype" thanks to "Buggy" and I'll spend a split second going back and fixing my mistake but between "The Devil's Own Luck" and "Lightning Quick" I'm able to fix my mistakes in a span of milliseconds. While I type I use "Observe" every instance I can, throwing in a tiny burst to the overall amount of experience I gain.
I use my enhanced mind's passive ability to follow two trains of thought while I work. As far as anyone can tell I'm diligently doing my job, but in actuality I'm exploring my system. Through passive, almost imperceptible gestures, mostly due to how fast they are, I am messing around with my rather system.
I whittle away the hours I need to spend at my job doing this. During this time I get a few of my skills to level up a few times, thanks to my decision to faithfully and diligently hone some of my other abilities like "Observe". Eventually lunch rolls around and Amy sneaks up behind me so she can surprise me and draw me away from my work. I feign surprise when she reaches me up and taps on my shoulder, and this is a perfect chance for me to try something out.
I make small talk and I silently activate my ability to pause reality while I'm in the middle of a sentence. The world freezes around me and I get to see Amy freeze as she reacts to what I'm saying. I have a reason for doing this, it's all for the sake of experimenting with some of my more intriguing abilities.
I focus on Amy even as I interact with my system's UI and I activate my "Gacha" mechanic. In my mind's eye I can see a logo representing a capsule machine beginning to stir to life and spin some of the capsules containing various awards, and I think about two enormously powerful perks: "The Face" and "Silver Tongue".
These two charisma enhancing perks are incredibly valuable tools in my repertoire and I have yet to meaningfully use them. One of them, "Silver Tongue" is not as directly powerful as "The Face" but it offers me broad knowledge of psychology, enhances my charismatic intuition, and makes me incredibly attractive. The real powerhouse of a perk is "The Face". By focusing on people and thinking of something I want them to believe or persuade them to do I have a supernatural intuitive sense that allows me to know the best sort of argument I could make to achieve that goal. To test this I study Amy while wondering if there's any way for me to convince her to go on a date with me, and after a split second of thinking I begin to feel vague intuitive senses of what I could say and do that would make her see me as a potential romantic interest, and I know that doing that before I ask her out would guarantee success if I wanted her to go on a date with me.
I immediately shift tactics and try to see if I could persuade her to give me 100,000 dollars, and I am unsurprised when I do not gain any vague sensations about how to make that happen one way or another. "Worth a shot..." I tell myself, and if I could smile more I would. Both of these perks are strong, but I'm clever enough to recognize that they become even stronger when I add "Beautiful Mind" and "Well of Wisdom" to the mix. WoW is especially handy in a combination like this, since it allows me to pick and choose the most efficient route to my desired outcome. This is especially true if I mix it with my ability to pause time, since I can give myself breathing room and contemplate how to most skillfully word my arguments and present my positions.
The gacha machine, or some abstraction of one, in my head slows to a stop. When it does a symbol of a capsule pops out and I am delighted to see that I've won a mundane iPad like device, a handy thing I can use as a computer for the time being! This is quite handy, and I can see this particular mechanic becoming something life-saving in a moment of desperation with the right amount of luck. The decide immediately fills a slot in my inventory, and I make a mental note to pull it out and use it later.
I unpause time and over the course of the next few minutes I use my skills, mixing all of the aforementioned perks and functions of my gamer skills as Amy and I walk over to the cafeteria. It is only when we're sitting through the door into the cafeteria that I sense an opportunity to ask my friend something.
"Hey, do you want to try a soup I made? I like it but having a second opinion is always good." I remark, causing her eyes to brightly light up. I grin at her and we walk over to the same table we ate at yesterday. I hand her the small container I'm holding my soup in, and she looks at it. I see her inhale and watch as her eyes light up. We're the first of the people to arrive at our table so no one else sees this. The container I gave her also has some silverware which she uses to go ahead and take a sip of the soup. I am delighted when time freezes and I get a notification alerting me to the acquisition of a new class: that of a chef. I immediately equip it even as I click through the drawback that appears before me. This also confirms that at least in some cases what is needed for me to get a class is for me to do stuff in front of others or at least involve them in some way.
As time resumes I see Amy's face light up.
"This is delicious!" She states with a delighted and sincere grin. I light up as she tells me this and I lightly cheer. This is excellent news, and my acquisition of this class is very fascinating. When it comes to classes I have a unique ability to get them to "Prestige" once they reach a high enough level, and given my current build's focus on support, buffing, and healing, if I can master a class like that of a chef I can do a lot.
"I'm so happy you like it!" I exclaim, sincerely. It really does taste quite good, but my whole body is enhanced and I'm superhumanly sensitive to things like taste so there's no guarantee that what I taste will be what others taste. That said, cooking is an absolutely incredible skill so if I can master it... Well, I'll always be able to prove my worth in almost any situation involving other people. Cooking... is a cracked skill to have in real life.
Our friends join us and as they do Amy turns to them and hands one of the women the container. Mary looks at us quizzically and Amy pantomimes for her friend to try the soup. Mary's look of confusion only becomes more apparent, but she still dutifully does as she's been asked, using her own silverware to do so. Her eyes light up as well and I feel how much experience I have as a cook slowly increase, which brings a smug smile to my face.
"This is delicious! What is this?!" Mary asks, and I grin and point at me. She smiles, impressed, before handing it back to me.
"I made this soup last night. I liked it but I didn't know if I was going crazy or not." I remark, and that gets a laugh out of Amy.
"Well, if working at an office ever gets boring you could make a living as a chef. This is amazing!" She states, and I can hear the honesty in her voice. It's kind of nice how much she likes the stuff, and a part of me wouldn't mind making more food for her if she's gonna be this enthusiastic about what I give her to eat.
It's hard not for me not to beam at my companions in passive delight the whole time we're eating lunch. The lunchroom conversation is kept simple and we simply inform each other about upcoming plans and light gossip, all of which I've heard before thanks to my enhanced, and growing, senses. Super Sensory is a strong enough perk by default but because of my ability to expand every facet of myself, coupled with the universality of "Master of All" I am just passively growing in my ability to hear stuff. Seeing as I am uncapped I could see myself someday hearing every conversation in this building, almost certainly by the end of the year given how all of my growth is linked together and builds on each other.
Lunch comes and goes in a blur and in minutes I'm back in front of the computer. In front of the computer I'm a blur, my fingers strengthened by Lightning Quick and Speed Typist. I whittle away the hours diligently doing my job, distracting myself and minorly doing other things by making use of my dual trains of thought, and even when I overcome instances of "Buggy" every few minutes I still find myself grateful that I took the drawbacks I did. This work would be... less than fun otherwise. By the time my workday comes to an end and I find myself outside of the office I've filled out hundreds of forms and diligently pushed various skills of mine to new levels. Colleagues of mine are walking around me and also leaving the office. I casually pause time. making use of my pause ability again, and I begin to think of what to do and where to go next.
"I suppose now's as good a time as any to go and see about volunteering..." I eventually realize as I think about the various things I can do from here. I momentarily wonder where I should go to try and do that before I remember what I told Amy and the others yesterday about how I volunteered at a clinic. WIth Healer volunteering at a hospital would be good for me, even if I couldn't do as much good as I'd like too since I am not a doctor. I unpause time and smile as I reach into my pocket, use "Inventory" and retrieve my cellphone.
"Where is the nearest hospital?" I ask aloud, into the phone. Some of the people walking past me glance at me curiously and I smile sheepishly as my phone begins to tell me where to go. I begin to walk in the direction the phone indicates, happy to have a chance to begin to do some good.
The walk isn't terribly long. It turns out that the hospital is in a part of downtown that I didn't explore last night, and I reach it less than five minutes after I start walking, just in the opposite direction of where I was going before. The hospital isn't huge, which surprises me since I don't seem to be living in some small town but in a decently sized city. I walk into the main entrance and step into a large lobby where a decent amount of foot traffic seems to happen, judging from the footprints I can faintly see on the floor beneath me. I walk up to a receptionist desk and the man behind it doesn't bother looking up and instead taps the clipboard in front of him. I glance at it and laugh when I see that it's a standard questionnaire for people who are visiting a hospital for normal, health-related reasons. My reaction surprises the man, and to be fair it's definitely odd for someone in a hospital to laugh at the sight of a hospital questionnaire.
I am laughing at the questionnaire because it's amusing to think about the possibility of getting sick, I'm a gamer, and while normally that'd conjure images of nerds and geeks in my case it means that my health is protected. I have two very powerful perks/features that wildly mitigate the dangers of sicknesses: "Tough As Nails" which guarantees that it'd take something supernatural or almost supernatural to stand a chance of even slowing me down, and "Gamer Body". Gamer Body is interesting in this context since it gamifies negative conditions and allows me to, quite literally, sleep them off. Even something like losing a limb can be cured with a night of sleep thanks to my abilities which feels radically overpowered given how little it cost. I have other perks which further lower my odds of being negatively affected by sicknesses, such as "The Devil's Own Luck". I also have my magic, which includes spells that completely heal and purify the body, and would work on me just as readily as they'd work on other people.
"I'm actually here to learn how to volunteer? I'm new in town and I used to volunteer at a clinic in my home town so I wanted to see if I could volunteer here." I explain, which causes the guy to look up at me. When he does his eyes widen, and I smile awkwardly. I consider feigning ignorance, or perhaps innocence, but I know what's going on. He wasn't expecting me to look the way I look.
My new looks are something it is taking me a beat to get used to. I was only okay looking before, but now my looks are hyper idealized, and I am a conceptually handsome version of the very best I could have ever looked, and it is a bit jarring. It's more jarring for me, knowing that before I was an at best average-looking guy before coming to this world and gaining this new form. I allow the man a beat, before I clear my throat and the sound snaps him out of the daze he was in.
"Oh! Sorry, man, I just assumed you were sick. Umm... Yeah, let me give you a packet." The man says, before reaching under the desk in front of him. I smile lightly as he rummages around the interior of the space that separates us.
My powerful senses allow me to easily notice all sorts of stuff occurring around me. I can hear the vital processes in the bodies of the people closest to me, such as heartbeats and the smells of sweat, as well as other bodily fluids. Many of the people in this area of the hospital are sick, and truthfully if I could I'd heal them all.
One of my reasons for coming here today is to give myself a means by which I can help and heal people. This is, mildly, altruistic but more than anything else I want to master the power to heal people before I leave this setting. In the right setting, being a healer is absolutely a pivotal method of interacting with my environment and also getting allies, as well as staying alive.
The man eventually hands me a packet, along with a pen to use to fill out parts of it, and I smile at him as I take it. It is filled with information, including an application to fill out, and I thank him as I walk over to the waiting area and begin to fill it out. The questions are simple and ask for basic information about me. I fill it out, though a part of me is curious how this'll mesh with my drawbacks...
When I finish filling out the form I hand it to the man and he gratefully takes it. He explains that I'll be contacted by someone named "Ms. Jimenez" soon, and that she oversees the volunteer program. I delightedly thank him for that information and begin to head out of the hospital.
In minutes I'm part of the way home. I am a decently fast walker, though that's something I'd like to work on more in the days to come. The sun is quickly descending, and the moon is already visible in the night sky. I'm approaching the row of apartment buildings that include the building I live in. As I draw nearer and nearer to it I spot a lone homeless man sleeping next to one of the apartments. He is clearly asleep and my observation ability only confirms this. It also reveals that the man is sick, and when I glance at his hit points I see further confirmation of that, as he's down a few of them. I am walking towards him, and as I move I see a nice opportunity for me to try something.
I silently activate "Rogue", one of my more odd perks, and I feel my presence become much more subdued and difficult to notice. I approach the man, and I shut my eyes. As I walk towards him I allow myself to be guided by Super Sensory and only stop when I'm right in front of the man. I kneel and I focus on my spellbook icon, allowing me to see my list of spells. My senses allow me to be confident that the figure is still asleep when I gently move my hands so that they are in front of him. Time freezes as I gain a "Stealth" skill, and while time is frozen I swap my class and become a mage so I can gain valuable experience before I deactivate "Tutorial Sprite". I allow time to resume and smile as I trigger a spell for the first time, one of healing.
For me to activate the spell requires nothing more than for me to have enough magic points and an applicable target. This particular spell is my more advanced spell and it can work on all sorts of living targets. It is named "Intermediate heal" and the fact that I have it is a sign of one of my purchases; Healer. I feel my points of arcane energy be converted into sacred, restorative energy and I open my eyes in time to watch my hands begin to glow as energy leaves me and enters him. I look at his hit points and watch them begin to slowly increase even as I hit him with another instance of "Observe". I do so just in time to feel time freeze as new notifications appear in my mind's eye. One of the first notifications is that I have just earned experience for the "Mage" class, which becomes experience for everything thanks to Master of All, while another indicates that I've just unlocked a quest to become a healer! I study these notifications with a proud grin as this marks an important milestone in my journey. The fact that the class I want is locked behind a quest is interesting and I make a mental note to study the quest as I head home.
I unfreeze time, notice that the man is already visibly healthier, and turn to make my way back to my new home. It takes only about six minutes before I find myself stepping into my apartment. Now I can play with my new toy from earlier!

Ok so about 6-7 years ago I (20 M) had a really bad high after smoking & eating weed, was the most traumatizing thing i've ever experienced, I felt like there was something like a sharp blade or a chainsaw cutting my insides open from the neck down for hours on end and ever since then the feeling has somewhat lingered. it'll go away for a while and i won't think about it and then if i'm around weed for too long (specifically smelling it, for some reason the smell is what really gets me) i'll have a panic attack and reexperience the bad high once again, and the feelings of sharp pains and tingles in my body will linger for a couple months until i eventually start feeling better. In february I had my worst panic attack yet, i hadn't felt the feelings for about a year and a half until one of my roommates was rolling a blunt in the house and the smell caused me to go into full blown panic attack. After that night the feelings came back full fledge and I decided to go back home from college and get therapy. the therapy helped as much as it could , i learned to manage my thoughts and breathing techniques etc, but i can still feel the feelings of the bad high present and the smell of weed puts me in fight or flight like 90 percent of the time and at this point i'm so over it i feel like it's controlling my life. Does anybody have any reccomendations of what I should do? considering EMDR but I'm a little afraid of the process as I haven't heard great things, i've never been medicated for anxiety or depression. Thank you for reading and any advice would be appreciated.

It’s crazy how brilliant this album is. It somehow still feels underrated and has an arguement for being possibly thee best album - not just in grunge but possibly in the history of rock, or honestly all of music in general! The fact that it’s a tribute to Mother Love Bone’s Andrew Wood (vocalist and amazing piano player) - with a few former members and all of future Pearl Jam since Matt Cameron eventually became the full-time drummer - just makes it an album formed completely from the heart and full of soul. This band was literally the polar opposite of a cash grab opportunist band. Apparently the band just wanted to make music in a stress free manner with little expectations, and boy did they surpass any that may have been placed upon them. Saying that even feels like a heavy understatement!
The fact that the project’s lead vocalist was a very close friend of Wood’s in Chris Cornell - who also died tragically - makes it even more touching. Side note, but Jerry Cantrell if AiC was supposedly very close to Wood and obviously Cornell as well. Wood permanently left his mark on the Seattle scene a year and a half before before it even became mainstream, and if you listen closely you can tell every bands’ sound - musically and lyrically - got quite darker following his untimely passing. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
When he heard the tragic news, Cornell initially wrote two songs in the heavenly (no pun intended) Say Hello 2 Heaven - cleverly released as a single - and the unbelievably EPIC Reach Down. The former is a beautiful, bluesy song which passionately shows Cornell’s full vocal range and beautiful lyricism. Reach Down is simply put, one of the greatest and most epic songs in existence. Eleven minutes long with a guitar riff that is bone-crushing and very likely the best solo I’ve ever heard, especially when you consider McCready’s headphones flew off about halfway through the recording it - forcing him to sort of “wing it” (lol) without having a backing track to hear. Not one second of the song fails to capture one’s attention - which is nothing less than astounding considering the length of it. Cornell could’ve stopped there and had an epic dual single or even an EP considering he already had be nearly 20 mins (17 minutes and 37 seconds to be exact) material! This easily could’ve been all that was written… but then fate intervened in the best way possible!
Former Mother Love Bone rhythm guitarist Stone Gossard and bassist Jeff Ament - primary songwriters for MLB and earlier in Green River (another legendary grunge band) - wanted to collaborate with Cornell to put themselves in position to write and play music before the time off caused them to get rusty with playing or songwriting. With this in mind, Cornell wisely enlisted the other soon-to-be Temple of the Dog musicians (Gossard, Ament, Mike McCready and Matt Cameron) and a masterpiece was about to be born!
The album’s lead single, Hunger Strike, is a brilliant piece that features a fresh and truly immaculate young voice from San Diego in the incredibly charismatic Eddie Vedder, who was actually auditioning for Gossard and Ament’s new band that you may have heard of (Pearl Jam). The story goes that Cornell - hard to believe - was having trouble hitting the lows as he wanted them to sound and Vedder simply took the mic and naturally delivered the vocals exactly as Cornell had wanted them to sound! I think it’s safe to say Vedder passed his audition with flying colors due to his incredible power, elegance and charisma (and quickly developing song-writing). The song’s drop D tuning and the darker sounding post-chorus riff give it a very proper grunge edge. Say Hello To Heaven and Hunger Strike quickly became staples of ‘90s radio stations worldwide.
Digging deeper, Pushin’ Forward Back (the third single) and Your Savior combines Mother Love Bone’s street rock approach with Pearl Jam’s more serious hard rock sound. The former features a powerful rhythm guitar riff, soaring lead riffs, Cornell’s finest vocals and the best backup vocals you could ask for from Vedder. Skipping ahead to track eight, Your Savior provides some extremely impressive (and aggressive) drumming, guitar tracks and again Vedder’s unmistakably brilliant sounding backup vocals that could not complement Cornell’s lead vocals any better! This is definitely a favorite among favorites for myself, and perfectly follows the track Wooden Jesus in my humble opinion.
Call Me a Dog and Times of Trouble are, without doubt, two of the most beautiful ballads I’ve ever heard. The former slowly builds up momentum with lovely piano playing and a quieter guitar that seemingly gets louder as the song goes on until it reaches a crescendo, as the bridge hears Cornell belting out some seriously high lead vocals and then McCready blazing through with another divine solo! Times of Trouble is a very interesting piece of music to say the least. It was actually also used for Vedder’s auditioning as well as this albums in the absolutely alluring Pearl Jam song Footsteps, which had a more stripped down approach. Times of Trouble on the other hand features the music’s absolute full potential being unlocked with a more solid production, a more eventful buildup that includes gorgeous sounding piano and even a harmonica solo for good measure. This is blues rock at its absolute finest!
Wooden Jesus continues the beautiful ballad sound, with probably my favorite bassline of the album and adding another layer to the music with a what I believe is a very prominent and majestic-sounding banjo (if not it’s an acoustic) during the second verse and Cornell just absolutely owns it vocally on this track McCready’s criminally underrated guitar solo ties it all together perfectly. Four Walled World - along with Times of Trouble - captures Chris Cornell’s bluesiest sound I’ve ever heard on record, and the extended outro allows him to get some serious wails out along with another epic McCready solo. Four Walled World is a very strong track and gives me vibes of Pearl Jam’s soon-to-heard songwriting. In particular Four Walled World sounds sort of like precursor to Pearl Jam’s Deep. I’m not sure why exactly but they remind me of each other. Both have very bluesy riffs although Deep is definitely a harder edged track (love the phaser effect on it). But listening to it now it is more bluesy than I remembered for being one of the heavier Ten tracks. The main riffs are what sound similar to me.
All Night Thing is among the best album closers I’ve ever heard, settling the album and night with a beautiful ballad that feels a bit influenced by The Doors due to the use of an organ for the main melody (courtesy of the great Rick Parasher). I love that they went this route for the closing song. It makes me want to restart the album when it finishes so amazingly like that! This album has shades of Led Zeppelin all over it and I mean that in the best way possible. Heck even Chris Cornell and Robert Plant have very similar vocals imo and virtually identical vocal range at four octaves (although I’ve heard five for both as well) with the ability to croon or wail with the best - well they are the best lol.
The album is perfect from start to finish. Everyone served their purpose immaculately. Every single note, chord, lyric / vocal on this album feels perfectly placed. From the opening tracks that Cornell penned as soon as he heard the tragic news to the full on blues rock of the middle to the end of the album. I love the Mother Love Bone flavor to many of the tracks - particularly Pushin’ Forward Back and Your Savior imo. All Night Thing is among the best album closers ever in regards to softer gentler closers, which also includes Mother Loce Bone’s Chloe DanceCrown of Thorns (Shine EP and Apple - but without Chloe Dancer for the latter for whatever silly reason as both together created the “Stairway to Heaven of gen X”). Also including a piano - again courtesy of Rick Parasher - in a few songs was absolutely poetic being that it was Wood’s instrument of choice. I just wish he could’ve been the one playing piano on a Mother Love Bone and Soundgarden collaboration where they still somehow find Eddie Vedder and Mike McCready. If this album shows us anything, it is that tragedy can often sparks a passionate flame that otherwise cannot be equaled. Mind Riot by Soundgarden is further proof in this particular case.
Also my other picks for best softer album closers - so excluding all harder songs, or this will go on forever lol - plus closing with a gentler song I’ve always preferred as it feels like the albums way of saying “goodnight” which the first of these songs I’m going to list literally does! Jane’s Addiction’s Classic Girl (Ritual de lo Habitual), Pearl Jam’s Release (Ten), Pearl Jam’s Indifference (Vs), Alice In Chains’ Over Now (Tripod), Nirvana’s Something in the Way (Nevermind), Led Zeppelin’s Tea for One (Presence), Aerosmith’s You See Me Crying (Toys In The Attic) Aerosmith’s Home Tonight (Rocks).
Thank you to those who took the time to read my review of my favorite album of all-time! Rest in Peace to the great musicians / producers and human that were Andrew “Andy” Wood, Chris Cornell and Rick Parasher (producer for Temple of the Dog’s eponymous album and Pearl Jam’s Ten). You will all live on forever through your incredible music and be forever loved! Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

PSA #1: u/pep-- is going to post a weekend live thread for the weekend, we think the weekend definitely deserves it. He just needs to finish his homework first.
PSA #2: We now have a new fancy very very blue RAUM flair. I know some of you are sporting an improvised RAUM flair so now you can grab a real one. Apologies, should have done this way earlier.

I'm gonna keep this one short, I'm gonna keep this one short, I'm gonna...

Helllllooooooo bbs, I'd like to announce that THE WINTER IS OVER, the sun is out, we are getting new sunglasses because we lost all of them at parties last year (no? just me? goddamn berghain took like 3 pairs, alongside my dignity), we are showing skin, sweating balls, getting hornier again, annnd.... Entering festival season, so let's talk about that.
This weekend we have three festival contenders:
Awakenings Upclose (timetable)
Big, big up to Awakenings programming/booking and marketing team. Awakenings until now felt like a festival to avoid, but somehow, Upclose seems to be the place to be. Everyone I know and their mother will be there, including me, but not my mother. She's coming to Lofi for Die Rakete in two weeks, but that's another story.
My plan for Awakenings is:

• a low dose of acid
  • haha for legal purposes I swear that was a joke
• turn off my phone
  • this I very much recommend
• Polar Inertia (Sat)
  • there's a chance you haven't heard about Polar Inertia (and your hardtechno friends definitely haven't), because it's one of those projects that are half-dormant, rare to catch, and you kinda have to know to know.
  • keywords are ambient, experimental, deep, elegant, I also hope for cold and creepy but that might be just me
  • they recently (ish) released a set with Monument, go get a taste
• Sandwell District (Sat)
  • Sparkles fangirling over Sandwell District - Exhibit A
  • Sparkles fangirling over Sandwell District - Exhibit B
  • more than a 20 year old label/group/act responsible for my currently favourite track ever that woke up from hibernation last year, and started releasing new stuff that I also love
  • also known as mainly Function and Regis, but other names floating around are Rrose, and Silent Servant... that one isn't floating around anymore, unfortunately 💔
• otherwise fuck around and find out
  • I mean walk around without expectations and see where I end up

Some other maybe noteworthy things in my opinion:

• check out the hard techno stages
  • Vera Grace is actually good , and so is Somniac One
  • I'd check out Rebekah and SNTS out of nostalgia, I like how they used to play and I have a tiny sliver of hope that they might bring some of that to Upclose, yes, but also, probably not, oh well
  • I wish I could say the same about 9x9 because they used to play awesome live acid (bitches love livesets), but I have zero hope they will pull that out again, oh well
• Colin Benders x Speedy J
  • two total legends from the NL, they are known to deliver ✨education✨
  • Colin is a joy to watch playing, also I think it's gonna be a hybrid / live (and bitches love livesets), because I have never seen Colin DJing ever - does he even know how to mix? I don't think you should know how to mix if you can just conjure tracks out of thin air and a big bunch of cables...
  • Speedy J
    • Speedy J with Colin Benders
  • They could theoretically play quite hard, both are very well capable of it, don't come crying if they do, also check out this set of Speedy's violent alias Public Energy at Unpolished 2020, because that's the education I'm talking about
    • I mean even Speedy J as Speedy J is violent
• CEM & MCMLXXXV
  • fun, banging, fun, cute

Lente Kabinet (lineup)
Not my thing, know like 2 and a half names on the lineup, someone hype something in the comments please I'm lost, it's not techno, ugh.
Draaimolen Island x Sustain-Release (timetable)
Looks cute, is sold out, please write thorough reviews in the afters, I'm curious with a slight tinge of FOMO 😇

You can also go check out the May Festival Monthly from u/Motionez to see their take on these.

Let's look into pre-parties on Friday now:
DINA, KI/KI & Nelly at Club RAUM
Sold out (tickets at the door though), but I need to fangirl here anyway, because fuck damn, this is RAUM finally bringing a lineup that finally really speaks to me, and it's not even about KI/KI for me, let me explain:

• I am still haunted by memories of what Nelly did to me at Ratherlost NYD, one person I don't want to publicly shame (I miss you u/bleepbloopbarbatruc, and btw I finally kinda learn to spell your username) said "Nelly is a warmup DJ, can't really imagine her in a different slot" - SO DAMN WRONG. She absolutely killed the preclosing slot with a a tense, organic/tribal, deep, terrifying set that just filled the air in the room with something. Yeah yeah, going that deep is not everyone's thing, but hey, house isn't either, blabla.
• I haven't heard DINA play in person yet but I did my research and I'm excited. She can definitely pull off a wormhole, but isn't afraid to step out of it as well and play something actually euphoric, or heavy hitting borderline tekno, and yeah, she just has 🔥range🔥 and definitely knows how to use it, I don't know who decided to book her there but THANK YOU.
• and of course, KI/KI. It's always a treat to get someone so big/popular, talented and good to play in an intimate venue, and on top of this, KI/KI and RAUM go way way wayyyyy back and you can just feel the love there.

See ya there bbs, all the other Friday events can go home. (Garage with Fever Dream might be cool in a signature-garage-weird way, and there's one other event that I avoid mentioning, and people always come after me with wHY DiDN't You MeNtiOn THaT OnE... so yeah, that one)

That's done, let's talk about afters:
Awakenings Upclose After Hours at Radion and Bret (RADION timetable, Bret so far unannounced)
Nice blend of the locals like Thoms Traxx and Hashashin and infamous Berliners like Function and Quelza in Radion, I mean, can't really go wrong there, can you. But yeah, not much else to say.
I would have absolutely loved if they did some non-standard stuff like one of the big hard techno names playing a surprise, unnanounced sunrise house set in Bret (can you please take a moment and imagine SNTS doing it), or do open decks w/ the Funk Assault babes and Beau Didier, Isaiah, and idk Flits and Hitam? Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream, right.
131bpm, Marie Malarie, Naone & Lola Edo at Club RAUM on Saturday
If you're done with techno for the day and want to go shake your ass, wave your spine and wiggle your elbows, this is the one. I really like Naone here, she recorded a set for Harmony Rec, a label I will always simp for, and generally I like her take on house, where she sometimes dives deeper than you would expect from a house set, and you can generally hear interesting sounds in her sets, which is not really a a thing in that... genre. It's like someone forced DJ MARIA. to play house. Did I just offend two artists with one sentence? Sorry dears, I love you both.
DJ Nobu, Cobahn, Nelly at PERRON on Saturday
I don't want to mention this one, but kinda can't not bc Nobu. Done.
Vibrant with Nur Jaber at Melkweg on Saturday
u/sinacuk slid into my DMs asking politely and nicely for a shoutout, so here it goes 💖

Hellooo! As Vibrant we have another event on the night of 18th of May with Nur Jaber, Bours?, and 7Circle. It will be at the OZ room of melkweg, with an intimate atmosphere and no phone policy. We are designing own lights once again with Kraft Und Licht as well. Also we are going to have art exhibitions.

I'll just add that I saw Nur Jaber closing Berghain once, and it sounded like forks in a high speed mixer while your aggressive neighbor is trying to kick your front door in. This was a compliment. Nur Jaber is cool, because she also does this.
Talismann b2b Makam all night long at Levenslang on Sunday
Rumor has it that if he plays without a shirt, it's Talismann, if with, then it's Makam. Playing a b2b with yourself all night long feels like a recipe for a personality disorder, or you already have to have one to come up with this idea. Jokes aside, Talismann is good, so is Makam, this is a cool, novel, and deranged idea, I can get behind this.
UNUSUAL at Radio Radio on Sunday
First party from a project of one cool person from the former DS team, doorsale only, unannounced lineup (released podcasts may or may not betray some of it though), they clearly trust their network, friends, and people-who-just-know to show up. Respectable, good luck, godspeed.
Slapfunk at Bret on Monday
If you STILL want to party the fourth day in the row, Slapfunk gotchu. Lineup TBA, but it's probably gonna be boom tsaa boom tsaa boom tsaa or papm papm papm pupururu. Ideal for your last remaning braincell to bounce around.

Unrelated to the weekly, but important - if you have been an active part of this sub also last summer / fall, and feel close to the other notorious shitposters here, slide into my DMs, I might have something for you.

That's all folks, I made a long one again.

Sorry if the formatting is weird, I’m typing this out in my phone. Also, sorry if the story is all over the place, I’m not a very good writer.
I simplified it in the title, but it’s not her boyfriend. My (18F) friend (18F) has been talking to this guy (16M) for around 3 weeks. Recently, she’s been ignoring my calls and then texting me that she’s on the phone with him. I don’t have a problem with that, she’s allowed to call him obviously, but she’s literally always on the phone with him or hanging out with him. While it hasn’t gotten to be that big of a problem yet, I can see it continuing to happen as they keep talking.
Last Saturday, me and her had a senior photo shoot together for our grad party. Since me and her are both awful procrastinators, we put off choosing our outfits until the day before. I facetimed her that night and she declined it. She then, of course, texted me that she was on the phone with him. She basically begged me to just talk about it over text before I even replied. She wasn’t wrong, I was against doing it over text because it would be a lot harder to do. I told her I wasn’t going to do it over text because of that, and asked her to just call me for 5 minutes then call him back. She again told me no and begged me to just do it over text or if she could just call me later. It was almost 12am and I was about to go to bed, but I caved because I didn’t want to start an argument. It made me especially upset because she hung out with him that day for 4 hours, then was calling him even after that, and still couldn’t spare 5 minutes for me on something I told her we’d have to figure out days before.
Today, the reason I’m writing this post, she bailed on me and my other friend. Last week, we made plans to go shopping today and we never get to hangout due to our schedules never matching up. I confirmed plans around 12PM and just 2 hours later she cancelled. She said it was because she wanted to wait for her paycheck, but (and I know this is bad to do) I checked her location after she sent that text and she was at his house. Then tonight I tried to call her and she was on the phone with him.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve had an conversation in the past about me feeling left out and it led to her saying she felt “suffocated” because everyone always wanted to do things with her. But now she’s spending every moment she can with this guy and I can’t help but feel that she just doesn’t want to hangout with me. I want to talk to her about it but when I brought up feeling left out before, she made me feel so invalidated.
And I don’t want to make this seem like she’s an awful friend, she isn’t. She’s an amazing friend and she’s just terrible when it comes to managing relationships/friendships. She gets anxious and stressed out very easily, so I don’t want to cause drama by bringing this up to her. Because I haven’t been able to actually talk to her about it, I’ve been snarky (“Ohh you can’t hangout because you’re gonna be with your man” type of remarks) when she brings him up or declines my calls. I don’t want to act like this because I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I find myself doing it without even thinking. Does anyone have any ideas on how to bring this up to her? If not, any opinions on the situation? Am I overreacting?

my cat does not behave very well, advice?
My cat spider whom I adore has some things I need advice for. He is almost over a year old.
I keep him in my boyfriend’s room at night so he doesn’t bother my bfs family members. But through out the night he will claw at the door, knock stuff over and meow.
I’ll get up and see what he wants which i think is to be let out of the room. But he is not allowed. So I get him water (which he just spills over) and I’ll give him some food. He has access to a litter box. I’ll open the window also which is something he loves to look out of and occupy his mind through out the day and often sleeps there.
But he will still continue to meow and knock stuff over and scratch at the door. I’ve decided to get a timed food dispenser to feed him only in the morning (I like to add water to his food cause he does not drink enough). I feel like that will help with my alarm clock kitty but as for night time it’s very bothersome. I don’t know what to do. I do not understand how positive reinforcement would work in this situation nor does punishing him either which is usually just telling him no or spraying him with a bottle which I don’t like to use anymore and I know people disagree with it.
Any tips would be nice. <3 should I play with him more at night to tire him out? I’m thinking of leash training him too and taking him on some short walks to enrich himself and get some energy out?
Thoughts and advice would be highly appreciated.

I have been on Zoloft for almost two years, currently on 75mg. It has done wonders for me. I haven’t gotten any side effects if I take my meds consistently at the same time every day. But I have one big problem and it’s that I straight up cannot get out of bed in the morning. Before zoloft I used to go to bed at around 11 and get up say 7 or 8. I am one of those people that feels most energetic in the day with 6-8 hours of sleep, any more than that and I just feel groggy. I still go to bed around the same time, but I’ve found that I end up sleeping til 10 or 11. Which sucks because I have shit to do in the mornings and I just feel gross after waking up so late. The worst part is, it is nearly impossible to wake up to my alarm. This never used to happen to me pre zoloft, but as soon as my alarm goes off my dumb unconscious caveman brain convinces me that the best possible thing to do is turn it off and keep sleeping. It just feels too good to go back to sleep. The cycle continues until I realize it’s 11am. Even then I feel like I have to wake up for several minutes with my phone before getting up. I have tried placing my phone out of my bed so I have to get up to turn it off. Somehow I still end up getting back in bed and falling back into the cycle. On top of that I have insanely vivid and kind of disturbing dreams most nights that make it even harder to wake up. I also get night sweats so that’s fun. Zoloft does wonders for me in the day but nights are a different story I guess. Does anybody else have this issue? If so, is there anything i can do to change this? I know it sounds dramatic but it’s quite literally making my life worse.

“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my air and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.

Hello again everybody!
Before we get started on today's post the current voting for Toxtricity/Dynamax Toxtricity had a surge of votes for A tier come in that has almost caught up to the number of Abstaining votes, so there is still a chance we end up Tiering the Punk Rock poison lizard off of the vote but at the moment it's most likely that it will go back on to the radar list for a future vote. There is still plenty of voting time however so if you haven't voted on that one yet click the link below and scroll down to the comments to find a link to the post or sort the SubReddit by the "Tiering/Voting" tag to find it and cast your vote!
Like with all previous votes I'll continue to check the numbers and if anything changes I'll update it on tomorrow's post.
(Please note that this voting/tiering is centered around Classic as after a certain point in Endless only about 5 Pokemon and 2 abilities are truly viable.)
So current tiers are:
S tier - Garganacl, Cloyster, Skeledirge, Gholdengo, Tinkaton
A tier - Gyarados/Mega, VenusauMega/Dyna, Aegislash, Corviknight/Dyna, Excadrill, GardevoiMega, Toxapex, ScizoMega
B tier - Kanto-Persian/Dynamax Kanto-Meowth, Weavile, Starmie, Rhyperior, Quagsire, Mamoswine
C tier - Linoone
F tier - Dustox
With that being said let's get to today's vote!
Today is day 28 of tier voting and today we will be talking about the OG Ghost Pokemon from all the way back in the first generation that has long been a fan-favorite and competitive staple. Gengar has a typing that was unique to its evolutionary line all the way until the generation 9 DLC added the mythical Pecharunt with the same type combination. On top of that its base form has a really good Special Attack stat and a very good Speed stat to go with it despite being pretty frail defensively. Its Mega form boosts that Special Attack and Speed to ridiculous heights and even gives it a little more bulk to work with as well. On the flip side, this game gives its Dynamax form a little different stat spread which trades off some of its Speed to give it some surprisingly solid bulk on a Pokemon which hasn't been known for its survivability historically. Gengar has a good movepool with good coverage even before this game gives it even more options to choose from in the form of egg moves. Although its Passive Ability isn't the greatest (mostly since it doesn't work on Boss Pokemon, however it does synergize with Mega Gengar's ability well) with those stats and movepool it really doesn't need its Passive to still be strong.
(Please note that Pokemon with Mega/Dynamax evolutions will be tiered as one Pokemon and not tiered separately for their Mega/Dynamax form. Different variants such as Alolan Persian vs. Kanto Persian will be tiered separately however.)
(Also here is the post with rules for voting/tiering posts and a little more explanation about them in general: https://www.reddit.com/pokerogue/s/0LNZhPPzR9 Links to past votes can all be found here as well in comments added to the OP with each new vote)
And here is a quick reminder of what each tier generally means:
S tier: Top tier, can make or break your entire run, essentially the cream of the crop
A tier: really strong but not quite top tier, maybe slightly outclassed or has a slight weakness holding it back
B tier: solid choices that can make it to your endgame team, might be reliant on team composition to truly function well or might just be outclassed as well
C tier: usually early-mid game Mons, ones you don't really want to take to end game if you can avoid it, usually pretty decently glaring weakness but something redeeming enough to keep from F tier
F tier: no reason to use in end game unless you're doing it for a meme/joke
Abstain/No Opinion: this will be a voting option mostly just in case someone accidentally votes and then can't remove their vote (I've noticed that happens on Reddit sometimes) or for Pokemon people haven't unlocked/used to their full potential yet. If Abstaining votes outvote each individual tier then the Pokemon will be tabled for the time being and another vote will open up for it later (can mostly see this happening with Legendaries).
(Data in parentheses is for the Mega form) [Data in brackets is for the Dynamax form)
*
Gengar (Mega) [Dynamax]
Type: Ghost/Poison
Mega: Yes
Dynamax: Yes
Starter cost {Gastly}: 3
Possible Egg moves: Aura Sphere, Nasty Plot, Frost Breath, Malignant Chain
Abilities: Cursed Body (Shadow Tag) [Cursed Body]
Hidden Ability: N/A
Passive Ability: Perish Body - when this Pokemon is hit with a contact attack it applies Perish Song to both it and the attacker (Perish Song causes both Pokemon to faint in 3 turns unless they switch out)
Evolution: Gastly evolves into Haunter at level 25. Haunter evolves into Gengar with a Linking Cord. Gengar can Mega Evolve with Mega Bracelet and Gengarite. Gengar can also Dynamax with Dynamax Bracelet and Max Mushrooms.
Base stats:
HP - 60 (60) [75]
Attack - 65 (65) [95]
Defense - 60 (80) [85]
Sp. Attack - 130 (170) [160]
Sp. Defense - 75 (95) [95]
Speed - 110 (130) [90]
Learnset by level up: Confuse Ray, Hypnosis, Lick, Mean Look, Perish Song, Reflect Type, Shadow Punch, Payback, Spite, Curse, Hex, Night Shade, Sucker Punch, Dark Pulse, Shadow Ball, Destiny Bond, Dream Eater
Notable TMs: Protect, Clear Smog, Toxic, Haze, Disable, Acid Spray, Thief, Icy Wind, Venoshock, Sunny Day, Rain Dance, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch, Shadow Claw, Foul Play, Body Slam, Drain Punch, Rest, Sleep Talk, Dazzling Gleam, Thunder Wave, Poison Jab, Toxic Spikes, Gunk Shot, Will-O-Wisp, Giga Drain, Energy Ball, Psychic, Thunderbolt, Nasty Plot, Sludge Bomb, Focus Blast, Phantom Force, Thunder, Poltergeist, Encore, Sludge Wave
*
Tomorrow's vote: Whimsicott!
Pokemon on the radar for voting very soon: Aggron/Mega, Comfey, Crobat, Ferrothorn, Gliscor, Delphox, Roserade, Vileplume, Minior, Hitmonchan, Bibarel, Chandelure, Archaludon/Dynamax Duraludon, Alakazam/Mega, Infernape, Flamigo, Volcarona, Alolan-Decidueye, Barbaracle, Butterfree/Dyna, Beedrill/Mega, Mawile/Mega, Drednaw/Dyna, Annihilape, Cramorant, Aerodactyl/Mega, Glimmora, Heatran, Tapu Koko, Dialga/Primal, Galarian-Zapdos, Regieleki, Regidrago, Zacian, Zamazenta, Rayquaza/Mega, Latias/Mega, Latios/Mega, Ho-Oh, Volcanion, Carbink, Porygon-Z, Cinccino, Snorlax/Dyna, Wishiwashi
(Other requests will be added to this list and this list is not necessarily in order)
Happy voting!
View Poll

Good morning,
I am a 20 year old, Cis man from England and I work in a bar (This is a throw away account.) Last shift I had a lady who looked a bit young order a vodka + soda, so I asked for her ID and when she showed it to me she was of legal age and it was a real ID. The issue was, and I am making a presumption here but this to me seems like a reasonable assumption given the circumstance, the ID looked like from before she transitioned.
Her ID had a masculine name, and the picture was off someone masculine presenting (If that's the right terminology, apologies other wise) but there were some overt tell tale signs it was the same person like how her eyes and nose looked and some other stuff. But at the same time , obviously she didn't really look like the photo? But I didn't for a second think she was using someone else's ID because you'd be stupid as a woman to hand over a mans ID (well, I mean an ID which says your a man if you get me) so I let her have the drink. (It was also an edge case where 99% sure over 18, but we enforce challenge 25)
Obviously, in the future i'd like to handle this situation with more confidence . (Not only to save the customer from a potentially embarrassing situation but also, I dont want to lose my job LMAO) . Usually, if i'm unsure about ID I ask the name and DOB but that felt inappropriate cause like your not meant to bring up someone's old name. Maybe she kept the same name but it was a masculine name so I didn't risk it?
Anyways, apologies for the ramble I just wanted to add some context.
Does anyone have any insight from your side about how this situation plays out? Would I be out of pocket asking for the name? I'm just worried that I might ruins someone's night if this happens again if they look like COMPLETELY different from the ID photo so I can't even try and let it slide. I also don't want to ruin someone's night by making them uncomfortable. So I just thought i'd ask and see what the vibes were? Thank you!
**EDITED : Grammar mistakes

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

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