Feel free to sign up now even if you’re not going to be on the trail for a while yet. We won’t start posting your updates until they become trail related. There are a handful of people that have signed up that either have their profiles private, or did not include their Reddit account, making it impossible to reach out to them. I can’t message a person that doesn’t have an account to send to.
 
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Introduction Post
Here are the folks that are sprogressing down the trail!
 
Heather + Chuck on Instagram and Youtube - Ponies! And a quarter way into the trail, but ponies!
 
Ricky Bobby on Youtube and Instagram- First grouse thru-hiker confirmed.
 
Ben on Youtube and Instagram- I really do love the giant AT arrow on that barn. In Damascus but not for trail days, just stopping by to eat and watch the cows wade around.
 
Matt on their Personal Blog - 20 miles by 4pm, or as my fellow hikers like to call it, a Tuesday.
 
Spark on their Instagram- Water source tried to kill them, but then they aquablazed to get revenge.
 
Bartbug on their Personal Blog and Youtube - Better to stand on the bunion than have the bunion stand on your
 
Eric on their Instagram - It’s the Damascus marathon because it’s 26.2 miles of hiking and you end at the Marathon Gas Station. Just like the ancient Greeks did.
 
Riley on their Instagram - Climbing out of the NOC is probably the greatest experience on the trail. Fill up on good food on an oft used nero/zero day and then haul that newfound food baby up a steep mountain just for giggles.
 
Longwood on his Instagram - That is a comically fat bear in a tree. Baby’s are super cute though.
 
Derek on Instagram - It’s actually illegal to get a haircut while on trail. Little known fact.
 
Xander on Instagram - Foggy or Smoky, you be the judge.
 
Don’t have one yet on Youtube - Another flip flopper here, starting out at Harper’s Ferry and heading northbound.
 
These folks are either off trail or haven’t updated in awhile. Give them a look-see
 
Hobear on Youtube and their Personal Blog
 
Explorgaytion on Instagram
 
Chris Kelley on their Personal Blog
 
Happy Mother’s Day y’all. It’s been real nice the last couple weeks so I hope everyone’s been getting outside.

I went on a walk earlier today and was having a conversation that turned to the facets of success that the Zen tradition has over, well, everyone else. Here's me putting some organization to aspects of the conversation that we touched upon.

1000 Years of Recorded Conversation

This number is not an exageration or hyperbole, but a reasonable approximation of the longevity of the Zen conversation.
The earliest records of Zen conversation aka. Dharma combat aka. koans aka public cases we have come from Dunhuang and involve an heir to Bodhidharma named "Yuan" which places them sometime around the middle of the 6th century. Here's an excerpt:

6th Century

Dharma Master Chih saw Dharma Master Yuan on the street of butchers.
Dharma Master Chih asked, "Do you see the butchers slaughtering the sheep?
Dharma master Yuan said, "My eyes are not blind. How could I not see them?"
Dharma master Chih said, "Master Yuan, you are saying you see it!"
Master Yuan said, "You are seeing it on top of seeing it!"

The thread of Zen conversation continues on in these records. Some of these texts come from the conversations that dedicated record-keepers transcribed or unnamed Preceptors copied down and were later compiled. These records of Zen conversation were themselves annotated and conversed with by Zen Masters in subsequent generations thereby producing monumental books of instruction and practical guidance like Wansong's Book of Serenity, Wumen's Gateless Checkpoint, or Linquan's Empty Valley Collection.
Following the desolation and plunder wrought on by the Mongol invasion, the restrictive religious policies imposed by the Buddhists, and the subsequent rise of milleniarian cults with their own quasi-theocratic social agenda, the Zen conversation starts to fade in China.
We have records in China extending to around 1400. The aptly named translation by Cleary entitled "Zen Under the Gun" is evidence of this. The following is an excerpt from a Zen Master that came from Korea to study under a Chinese Zen Master and would carry on the tradition of preaching the Zen dharma to Emperor's.

14th Century

In 1347, on the sixth day of the third month, the emperor of the Great Yuan invited T'aego to Fengen, serving the Imperial Benevolance Zen Temple. After salutations to his majesty, T'aego went up to the teaching hall, pointed to the main temple gate, and said:
"The Great Path has no gate: where do all of you people intend to enter it? Bah! The universal gate of perfect penetration is wide open."
At the buddha shrine T'aego said: "Two thousand years ago, I was you. Two thousand years later, you are me. It has almost leaked out."
Then he bowed three times.

Almost.

1000 Years of Agro-Academe Egalitarian Communes

Agro-Academe

The Zen records are famous for taking place almost entirely on large agricultural complexes where agricultural as well as scholarly work were the lifeblood of maintaing the communities self-sufficiency. While this aspect of the Zen tradition had gone almost entirely unremarked upon in the Zen records due to its sheer normalcy it very much stands in contrast to the economic and social systems of organization that have risen (and fallen) throughout the rest of the world such as Manorialism, Serfdom, Capitalism, and Communism.
The agricultural aspects of the Zen communes are evidenced in the countless cases that take place in the context of the community engaged in performing agricultural work and the academic aspects of the communes are evidenced both in the cases involving someone reading something, referencing something they read, asking about something they read, as well as the countless literary and historical references that Zen Masters weave into the books of instruction.
The academic-LITERATE aspect of Zen communities has been deliberately misrepresented by Dogenists that cannot handle writing at a high school level about anything Zen Masters said despite claiming affiliation. It's a really sore subject for them.

Egalitarian

Zen Masters: No sexism. No racism. No special authorities in funny hats.
Foyan:

If one says, “I understand, you do not,” this is not [Zen]. If one says, “You understand, I do not, “ This is not [Zen] either. In the Teachings it says, “This truth is universally equal, without high or low—this is called unexcelled enlightenment.” My perception is equal to yours, and your perception is equal to mine.

Unlike religious traditions such as Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam (to name a few...) there is no tradition in Zen of affirming a belief in the "spiritual inferiority" of women or asserting that they should conform themselves to any fixed role in social relations with men.
The dharma-interviews involving women Zen Masters are some of the most intense and edge-of-your-seat one's out there. The one's we have translated records of are:

• Iron Grinder Liu
  
• Miaozong
  
• Mrs. Pang
  
• [Unnamed old women]
  

The failure of women's Zen voices to be preserved in equal proportion to their male counterparts they were engaged with is almost entirely due to the larger social mileau of sexism and erasure of women in non-subserviant roles from the public records that an extremely patriarchial society like China pursued with zeal at the time.

Commune

Unlike the phony kind of "work" of repeating religious apologetics, playing dress-up, or saying a few words over corpses that Priests while charging money from the faithful day-in, day-out--everyone in the Zen communities labored alongside everyone else and Zen Masters made a point of it to not exempt themselves from that.
The famous "No work, no eat" comes from Baizhang. It's nothing revolutionary in the context of Zen, but it sets the world on fire for just about everybody else.

Baizhang, the Chinese Zen master, used to labor with his pupils even at the age of eighty, trimming the gardens, cleaning the grounds, and pruning the trees. The pupils felt sorry to see the old teacher working so hard, but they knew he would not listen to their advice to stop, so they hid away his tools.
That day the master did not eat. The next day he did not eat, nor the next. "He may be angry because we have hidden his tools," the pupils surmised. "We had better put them back."
The day they did, the teacher worked and ate the same as before. In the evening he instructed them: "No work, no food."

1000 Years of Stability

As an undercurrent to the Zen conversation are certain...lifestyle choices...that everyone has to observe before they can meaningfully participate. They're choices that everyone already recognizes are necessary in certain contexts and lifestyles that are overwhelmingly associated with healthy outcomes in those observing them consistently. The undercurrent to conversation in Zen is known as the "Lay" Precepts.
Lay Precepts:

1. No lying
   
2. No stealing
   
3. No murder
   
4. No abuse of sex.
   
5. No intoxicating.
   

Observing this stuff won't neccesarily make anyone rich, famous, sexy, or funny. But that isn't anything Zen promises anyone to begin with anyway.
In their tradition, observing these kept the conversation flowing for a thousand years.
Why would anyone come to /Zen just to avoid talking about Zen?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I recently had an extremely vivid memory of a game. It was on the ps2. I am 14 (as of 3 days ago) so I know it is not too far off from this time. In the start of the game you are spawned in as a character, when you begin the screen loads with a small correction of the camera, as it was slightly tilted to the left, and reforests it to the center. at the same time there was a small (≤ 0.5 seconds) fade in. You are spawned in with a key and are in a bare hallway made of wood. the graphic design and movement is doom-esque for here and for the rest of the following descriptions. At the end of the hallway there is a wall with a large lock symbol in the center. You have the option to either open the door or, you can walk up to it but not put it in. Walking up to the door and opening it will open a new, smaller room inside of the already small hallway. At the end of said room there is some sort of entity or being, extremely similar to the secret room in ‘granny’ just entirely bare, a tad bit longer, and the walls are the same tan wood color. On the contrary if you decide NOT to open the door but, instead turn around and explore more, you will be faced with a new door. (For explanation the hallway opens up a little right before the door, sort of like a box surrounding the door with the end of the new hallway up against the back of the ‘box’) it is on the left side (turned around) so right side of where you originally came from. it also has a lock insignia on it. you can unlock it which leads to you falling through the floorboards into a dirt-y, skirting of the ‘hallway’ which is now revealed to be a house or at the very least a building. there are floorboards everywhere and mounds of uneven terrain. immediately after falling the space widens up (it is now a large room with no walls). it has a low ceiling and you are instantaneously met with a new creature, this time living. it is blue, a blob like creature not unlike the blob from ‘Monsters Vs Aliens’. it is around the same height as you and it floats very shortly above the ground. it moves in a grid like pattern, following squares to move. each square is roughly the size of the creature. obviously, you will want to stay away from it. if you alert it of your prescience it will follow you and if it touches you then you will have to restart. it is unaware of your presence and is instead walking through an opening in the skirting. exploring more you will realize you must go through said opening as the skirting is a large rectangle with nothing in it. following the blob through the opening results in a new room. the new room has multiple layers and is very open, it is reminiscent of a barn, yet abandoned. there are a few more of the blob things (4-5?) and they are roaming on the different levels of the barn, 3 + the scaffolds flush with the roof. there are a few more openings and a staircase. here my memory gets splotchy. you somehow find your way outside and are met with a grassy hill. there is nothing out here apart from a small gathering of blue and other colored birds of whom are extremely friendly and nice. their eyes are open and look similar to the Pixar short, ‘birds’ except that they fly, in a group together. somehow you are led back into the barn/ new cave (this is where I believe the game to become your own personal experience and less so a description of the game). in the cave you are in it is rather cramped (at least vision wise). there are birds (not chill ones) and other beings following you to the back of the cave. once again MORE OR LESS following the same grid pattern. you run from them and weave in between large groups of entities. you eventually see a small amount of sunlight and an occasional wide eyed friendly bird amongst the numbers of other beings. you follow the path out and encounter the sunlight, grass, a multitude less bad entities and a multitude more wide eyed birds. You run up to the hill and you are safe with the birds flocking, sitting on the hill. You cannot go past the hill fyi. anyway that is where my memory draws a blank. I am almost certain this was a ps2 game as it was the only software available when I was a child that could run a game like this. that is all, PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN goodbye, and thanks in advance ADDITIONAL NOTES: the key was held like the gun in doom as well as the room appearing similar in terms of layout and overall look.

I've gone through multiple fashion transitions from goth, punk, street, prep/surfer, to western attire.
I found my home in western wear, and I feel confident in my boots, buckle, and cowboy hat while rocking denim jeans everyday, and a pearl snap for the office and a columbia pfg for the lake.
Though I still feel caged to express freedom, rebellion, and overall Americana in my work environment (which is where I spend the majority of my life in). I work in manfucaturing/industry and in a desk job. The attire is fairly casual, where "shirt must be a collar" ends at that. I COULD wear my columbia pfg's everyday since they technically have a "collar" but the vibe doesn't feel right so I settle for my pearl snaps. I keep my hair fairly "traditional" and I try my best to conform to Northern dress attire. I already wear my boots, buckle, hat, and jeans everyday but I feel like I'm pushing it.
I want a mullet, or a haircut beyond this boring fade that expresses the carefree rebellious person that I am. I want to wear my fishing shirts, flannel, and relieve the suppression of my country/western attire that I feel at work.
I want to walk into work as a cowboy hat wearin, mullet rocking, columbia and wrangler reppin, ostrich quill boots wearin' SOB because that is who I am, but I fear that it might signficantly delay/end my career.
BUT...should I do it anyway?
TL;DR: I feel suppressed in my work environment and I want to take the plunge to fulfilling my look to represent how I feel everyday. Should I do it or is there other ways to work around it while staying professional?

The garage door shut with a groan behind us, closing us in the gloom of the single bulb hanging over the car.
Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.

Long time lurker, first time redditoposter. I've been listening and reading a lot of these horror stories and figured it might be fun to share mine.
I haven't actually played a game of DnD or DnD adjacent since about 2020/2021, mostly because of what transpired during the games I actually did play before that. I love the concept, I love creating characters and stories and worlds, but I get a pit in my stomach when I actually try to play again.
I had my first opportunity to play DnD my freshman year of college. I dropped in on the campus tabletop club and I was quite anxious. I was the only girl in the room, everyone seemed to have known each other or clicked well, but I wanted to branch out of my comfort zone. The first night went well! We played a very quick heist one shot where we made a character with one flaw and one interesting trait. Through unfortunate rolls and circumstances, we had a TPK, but it was a fun time. I was invited afterwards to join a Pathfinder campaign that a few of the members were going to start up for the new semester, and so I scheduled a time to meet with the DM and create my first full fledged character.
Now, the DM was kind of eccentric, a little whack if you will but very excited to help me make my first character. I thought he was just goofy and really into the game. God I wish I picked up on all the red flags that would come.
He first asked me what kind of race I'd like to play as. I had always been drawn to tiefling characters because I liked the aesthetic. His eyes lit up at that for some reason. Then he asked what class I'd like; if I'd like to be primarily a support or tank or what have you. I didn't want to get overwhelmed in my first game and thought support might be nice. I could watch how combat worked while just keeping everyone going and buffed. I said let's try bard! The grin that crept up on his face...
He immediately started talking about how saucy that would be, how my character would be so flirty and fun. I expressed some discomfort in having my character immediately fall into the "h*rny bard" category I had seen meme'd on so much, but he laughed and waved it off by saying he "was a theater kid in high school! Everyone was super h*orny and making out backstage all the time. It just comes with the environment!" Being a new player, and wanting to fit in, I pushed down my discomfort and thought okay, I'll play her as a joke character I guess.
For awhile it was fine, I got to play her as a dancelyre player who was part of a traveling circus. Nothing weird was coming up the first few sessions. Most of the other PCs either joined together by taking quests from the town job board, or had ties built in to their backstory. My first red flag should have been that the DM, despite constantly raving about all his planning, was frequently skipping around the story. He would suddenly decide the plot point we were on wasn't interesting enough for some reason, and just throw us into another scenario. We left so many lose ends because he just didn't feel like finishing them, regardless of if we were engaging in it or not. But hey, he's the DM right? That's what I thought, he had the right to change it. I had no prior experience to see this was just bad DMing.
We ended up joining an archery competition as we were tempted by a mystery grand prize. At the sign up table, out of nowhere, the DMPC attending to registration suddenly starts flirting with my character. I got flustered in a negative way because this DM got very into character (giving me looks, leaning in as he spoke to me, the whole shebang). I panicked, all of a sudden being the focus of a room full of men seeing how I'd react to it. I again, stupidly, went along with it. I had her (nervously) flirt back lightly, and I was relieved it didn't go much further at that point. Skipping to the end of the archery competition, my bard ended up in the final two and sabotaged an assassination on the town's mayor mid competition. The party was invited to a celebratory dinner at the mayor's house afterwards, where we once again ran into the NPC that flirted with my character at registration. He invited her to bed, and again I got extremely uncomfortable and flustered. None of this was discussed beforehand, nor was I even asked if I was comfortable with such topics before joining the campaign. The guys at the table were egging me on, and I felt pressured to accept. With a few hoots and hollers, we had a fade to black scene (thank god). I went home feeling very icky, but convinced myself I was being a wimp. And the table had enjoyed my antics that night, so I should be grateful.
I had the thought between sessions to write in a childhood friends to lovers interest for my bard to try and avoid any more unexpected encounters like that again, thinking if the DM had another character to play as with some personal tie to my bard, that would make be feel better about the interactions. He was brought up once, where I milked the f*ck out of my character's attachment to him, hoping to drive home that this was juicy potential relationship to build over the campaign. He never came up again during that campaign. The DM also completely disregarded many of the notes I gave him detailing this love interest's personality, and took many 'creative liberties' with him, but not enough where I would decide to say something.
Another few sessions happened where we struggled through the DMs inconsistent storytelling and jumping around to whatever plot point had his interest at the moment. He was constantly putting us in fights we could not hope to win, way too challenging for our lvl. 1-3 party. We often sat around the table in disappointment and defeat as we got absolutely destroyed by monsters (no one being able to land hits for sometimes 3-4 rounds at a time because of how high the AC or CR was), while the DM laughed and basked in the dreary nature of the table. He would usually eventually fudge rolls to give us an out when we were close to TPKs. He even gave us a deck of many things and insisted our PCs "felt compelled" to pull cards despite the players disagreeing they that wanted to. He attempted to force my character to drastically change her alignment to an evil one for shits and giggles because of one card pull (later allowed me to ignore it because I didn't even WANT to use the deck), and got three of us killed by having them pull a card that summoned the highest CR monster you could use.
One night he texts the group chat that he decided he's done running that story, and wants to run another one shot instead. We had one last session to "close" that first campaign and discuss the one shot options. During our meeting, he gleefully admitted to me that he had planned for my bard to get PREGNANT in that one night stand with the NPC from the archery competition. Not only did he plan to do that without my consent or knowledge, he had planned for it to be a HAG baby that would have entirely f*cked my PC up (he explained it as the man having been a witch in disguise or something?? And said that's how hags are made? Which to my knowledge is entirely incorrect. Maybe it was a homebrew rule, but regardless, I was mortified. And now very grateful he lost interest in that campaign).
Moving on to the one shot, another player decided to try DMing, and so the Problem DM had a chance to be a PC, yay! He privately messaged me and asked if I'd be interested in connecting our characters and their backstories. I said yes and we got to work. We spent a few nights discussing their dynamic and I was really excited to go into this game. Well, come the night of the session, we were going around the table introducing our characters. The Problem DM went before me, and introduced an entirely different character than the one we discussed, and one that would often almost kill us during the one shot (to which the guy would cackle and mock us for getting upset each time). I asked him what happened to our plan, and he said earlier that day he decided he wanted to do something different. I sighed and let it go, because at least it was just a one shot and my character could still function without his connection to the other PC. Another one shot where the Problem DM got to be a PC, he seemed to make it his goal to be the biggest asshole to everyone else's character. My PC was an archaeologist, and when she excitedly discovered some old pottery in a dungeon, he had his PC run up and smash everything and laugh in her face.
The next campaign we tried that had issues was a Starfinder campaign. Our party was considered its own crew for a space ship, plus one DMPC that was placed into the mix supposedly to help us if we fell short, since we were all unfamiliar with Starfinder and spaceship battle mechanics. She was honestly a really cool character! And we had one or two sessions to establish the story and how the crew interacted. Now, this was my mistake, not taking any of the other creepy habits of the DM into consideration, but I offhandedly mentioned to the table at large that my PC (a woman) might be developing a crush on this DMPC (also a woman). They had gone through a lot together in-game at that point and it felt natural. The next session, you'll never guess, the DMPC started flirting hard core with my character. I was confused and asked the DM what that was about, as we had never had any interactions between those two that would be read as romantic. Even if I mentioned my character was crushing, she had never let it on, and the DMPC had never indicated she felt a similar pull as well. The DM didn't really have an explanation, just that apparently in-universe, the DMPC had been flirting more and more with my character since their last adventure together alone. I thought, okay, I guess...
Honestly? What transpired would have been an insanely cool plot twist if we had had the time to actually roleplay and develop the relationship between my character and the DMPC, as well as the crew at large and the DMPC. She ended up being part of a cult that wanted to steal an artifact we had acquired. She was apparently trying to 'romance' my PC because my PC was the one who often guarded the artifact, and needed her to let her guard down. It would have been a super impactful betrayal, but it was literally only a handful of sessions between the first meeting, and the plot twist. We just had to trust the DMs word that we had all gotten super attached to her between actual session meetings and we all should feel like we were stabbed in the back by this trusted individual. And I especially should feel heartbroken because she never really was interested in me anyway.
Later on down the line, despite some very interesting story points, it got creepy again. Our PCs ended up being sucked into a death game show, and isolated from the outside world while being broadcast to universal TV stations. At some point we were all given access to the internet after a few weeks in isolation to search up anything we wanted. Everyone searched up their names among other things. The DM described us finding our newly formed fanbases. He described the other PCs fanbases (men played by men) as having hot debates on their intelligence and decisions during the show, or bets on if they'd be the last ones standing; that sort of stuff. He described my fanbase as leering creeps saying the most unhinged things about what they wanted my PC to do to them s*xually, as well as some spreading photos of my PC without her face covering (she was a Kasatha, which canonically keep their mouths covered. But she had been forced to remove it briefly when it almost waterboarded her after she fell into a river).
Eventually, we weren't able to meet consistently enough to warrant running campaigns anymore, and I fell out of touch with all involved. Oh, we also lost a player at some point right after he confessed to me and I declined his interest.
I went another year not playing before another friend group of mine invited me to play as a guest character. I thought this would be a nice way to ease back into the game slowly after my horrid experiences before. Rather than make an entirely new character for one or two sessions, I brought back my tiefling bard because I still really liked her character, and had started to reshape her personality without being pressured to have her be a s*xual chess piece. The new DM dropped my character in a labyrinth their current party had been trapped in for awhile. I was made to be a level or two higher and be an ally they encountered to help them escape. We did, it was fun! But I was only there as a guest, and had only planned my character to be in one to two sessions before leaving. I was consistently mentioning to the party that my PC would be leaving as soon as they get to her major city, but either they didn't think I was serious or didn't remember. I may have been convinced to come on full time, but unfortunately, history repeats itself. We got to a session where the party got to a tavern and drowned their sorrows and nursed their labyrinth bruises with beer, and the idea of a threesome was thrown in the air between my PC and two others. Now, half of this group were dating someone else in the group, and seemed very comfortable roleplaying casual s*x between their PCs because of it. They started a damn chant pressuring me to say yes, already trying to roleplay it, and I felt sick. I was too anxious at the idea of saying no with how aggressive everyone was for me to agree, so I tried to "roll for yes or no" as an out; the dice failed me, and it rolled a number assigned to yes. I was very quiet the rest of the session, and afterwards messaged the DM that I want my character to leave at the beginning of the next session.
The DM then tried to convince me to stay, despite me saying a clear no multiple times within the same conversation. They begged me to stay saying the party loved my PC a lot, and they would hate to lose me. When they finally relented, they then tried to smoothly transition to talk of making me a new character so I could permanently stay with the party, without compromising my bards story and decision. I kind of got on their case about that, and told them to stop pressuring me and I did not want to play with that group anymore. Eventually, they gave up, but not without some low key guilt tripping.
I tried playing with one more group after this, and while it didn't get creepy, it was also a disappointment as none of the players seemed to care besides me and the DM, despite everyone having encouraged starting the game because they wanted to learn how to play for the first time. Players slowly started ghosting us, drama happened between two players that joined just to have an excuse to talk and try and date (which ended up very messy and they both left), and the new players would get angry at me or the DM if they got confused with the rules or combat dynamics (the wizard rushed ahead of me, the tank barbarian, and then acted like it was my fault when they nearly got killed in the first round because "the tank is supposed to protect the damage dealers").
The DM and I stayed in contact after all the other players ghosted the chat, and ended up bringing over some other new players who had also played before, and re hauled the campaign. This one had so much promise...then quarantine hit, and we couldn't keep up with regular meetings.
At this point, with all my games ending with creeps, messy player dynamics or falling through, I decided maybe these kinds of games weren't for me.
I have new friends now inviting me to play, who have very functional groups (experienced professional DMs, closeknit friend groups, long-running campaigns), but I am too wary to accept any more offers for games, despite deep down really wanting to try again and be part of something I know can be amazing. Maybe I will one day, but until then, I just have these horror stories to think about.

So I (20F) have known this girl, let's call her Em (fake name, 20F), for a whole bunch of years.
To be precise, we actually first met when we were little, but neither of us remembers it.
My mom has been friends with my "aunt" (not biological) since they were in high-school. As they grew older, of course, their families expanded. My aunt had three kids, who would be my cousins. Her mom's side of the family is from a another country that shares borders with ours. Her brother, who lives in said country, had 5 kids, four girls and one boy. We're unrelated. They're my "cousins" actual cousins.
Most of my family (this aunt and cousins included) live in another part of my country, so when I was a kid I used to go over the summer and stay most of it there to see everyone. It seems that when we were kids, we all hung out once, there's even a picture to prove it, but again, no one bellow age 25 remembers that.
Well one of those summers, when I was 14, I went to visit and went over to my aunt's for dinner. That's when Em and I kind of really met, and boy do I remember that.
We all said our hellos, and we sat down at the table, she was sitting across me. All night we made small talk, and I really liked her.
I was always openly gay, never really had a "coming out of the closet", since no one in my family cares. They've always been supportive of me. Her family, though, it's a different story.
Her siblings are great, and they're also cool about that, but her parents (specially her mom) are catholics (if I remember correctly, her dad or one of their uncles is a preist) soooo yeah we weren't really openly flirting at the dinner table.
But then, us young ones went away to play cards. She was playing against me, 3 vs 3, only this time she was sitting almost beside me.
The stolen glances, the grazing of hands, the little smirks. I remember the way she looked at me, like she didn't understand what or why she was feeling something, but she knew she was. She found me attractive, but with the not-really-but-just-met situation and her parents, we just stuck with that. I only saw her once again that summer, same thing, only for a whole day. And then back in my hometown as they were passing through to go back to their country
We exchanged numbers, and when we talked she confessed she liked me, a lot, but didn't know what to do in that moment. It was new to her, though that didn't really bother her much. I remember she said something along the lines of "It’s like I was so mesmerized by you and at the same time so confused that I just froze, but I would've kissed you if we had seen each other again, and if it happens I will".
Well, six years passed.
With not really the space or time to establish a relationship, and living in two different countries at that age kind of made it impossible and of course, naturally, contact faded and every once in a while we'd talk again as if no time had passed.
Eventually, she got a boyfriend, I had a few relationships two. Long term and serious on both accounts, but we never not talked at least a couple times a year (respectfully, of course).
I guess I never really stopped liking her, but it was more of a distant thing than anything else. Every time we talked though, it was great. We would catch up, open up about things we would otherwise keep quiet, etc. It's like we always gravitated back to each other, both in thought and in speaking terms (on both accounts).
Some time later, when she finished high-school, she followed her older siblings footsteps and moved to a city near mine to attend college, that was around a year or two ago.
She broke off her relationship a few months back, I did so too.
And a few days ago, I replied to a story she had uploaded on her insta and, well, here comes the best part.
We started talking, catching up, and I can't really remember why but the conversation eventually led to me saying I found her pretty. She replied it was mutual. I'll try to recall the conversation below.
"Wait, do you still like me after all these years?"
"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?"
"I mean, we didn't see each other again, grew older and you even had a boyfriend, I thought maybe the feeling had passed for you"
"Yeah I mean I isolated myself a lot in that relationship, it sucked, but I never not liked you, nor forgot about you, it was just impossible"
"Well, it's not anymore. I still like you too, and I've been wanting this for years"
"So have I, I want to go see you"
I remember I told her that when I saw she had a boyfriend I didn't really wanna force or ruin anything cuz she seemed happy and I liked that, and she told me she would've left him in a heartbeat for me the second she'd known I still liked her.
We also talked about her family. She told me her mom actually found out about our little chat back in 2018 and got kind of mad, but Em told her to screw off and not go through her phone again, and that's the end of it. One of her sisters noticed then too, but just told her good for her and also never mentioned it again.
Then the same day I replied to her story, she was hanging out a while earlier with her older sister and a friend of theirs and eventually told them about me (her sister knew me, of course, but not how we actually felt about each other) since they were reminiscing about summers, told them she was still into me. That even after all those years I still caught her attention when I wandered my way into her head (and it's definitely mutual). She mentioned that although she had found other girls pretty, the only one that ever stuck out to her and really had her head-over-heels for, was me. I felt so flustered when she said that.
The rest of the conversation was one I'd never had with her. She told me she liked me, and what things. She thinks I'm pretty, she thinks I'm funny. Smart, talented, good. I honestly don't know if all of it is true but to hear her so talk about me that way, so starstruck, just like when we were 14, made my heart skip a beat. It was adorable. And then, well, it derailed into a more... uhm... mature conversation about plans we had for each other? If you get what I mean lol.
And that's where we are now. We're both having exams right now so we're planning to meet up next week when we're done.
IM SO EXCITED!
We miss each other, and we've wanted to hang out for ages. Not only that, but her now openness to be with me and enjoy it is so both refreshing and adorable. She calls me names, compliments me, tells me she wants me.
I never would've thought it would actually happen, not at least for a few more years. I also wouldn't have thought that shy girl I met would be so openly flirty with me, even on voice messages.
She's told me about a hundred times already how much she's wanted this, that's she's so glad it's gonna finally happen, that she's wondered what it's like to kiss me ever since she met me. That she wants all of me. Every last bit.
It's mutual, it's all mutual.
I feel giddy, excited, and I definitely feel wanted, and it's amazing.
Just wanted to rant about it and her, she's honestly amazing and beautiful. Kind, smart. Her accent drives me crazy and when she speaks her native language I literally feel weak.
Six years. Six years always thinking about each other (and many of those times it's like we mind-called each other beacuse we'd end up talking again). The girl I've had a crush on for the longest and never got, and we finally have the space, place and time to do it. This is it, it's our moment. And I definitely plan to enjoy every minute of it. She's worth it. So, so worth it.
Have a nice day everyone, Imma go talk to her lol bye

So I (20F) have known this girl, let's call her Em (fake name, 20F), for a whole bunch of years.
To be precise, we actually first met when we were little, but neither of us remembers it.
My mom has been friends with my "aunt" (not biological) since they were in high-school. As they grew older, of course, their families expanded. My aunt had three kids, who would be my cousins. Her mom's side of the family is from a another country that shares borders with ours. Her brother, who lives in said country, had 5 kids, four girls and one boy. We're unrelated. They're my "cousins" actual cousins.
Most of my family (this aunt and cousins included) live in another part of my country, so when I was a kid I used to go over the summer and stay most of it there to see everyone. It seems that when we were kids, we all hung out once, there's even a picture to prove it, but again, no one bellow age 25 remembers that.
Well one of those summers, when I was 14, I went to visit and went over to my aunt's for dinner. That's when Em and I kind of really met, and boy do I remember that.
We all said our hellos, and we sat down at the table, she was sitting across me. All night we made small talk, and I really liked her.
I was always openly gay, never really had a "coming out of the closet", since no one in my family cares. They've always been supportive of me. Her family, though, it's a different story.
Her siblings are great, and they're also cool about that, but her parents (specially her mom) are catholics (if I remember correctly, her dad or one of their uncles is a preist) soooo yeah we weren't really openly flirting at the dinner table.
But then, us young ones went away to play cards. She was playing against me, 3 vs 3, only this time she was sitting almost beside me.
The stolen glances, the grazing of hands, the little smirks. I remember the way she looked at me, like she didn't understand what or why she was feeling something, but she knew she was. She found me attractive, but with the not-really-but-just-met situation and her parents, we just stuck with that. I only saw her once again that summer, same thing, only for a whole day. And then back in my hometown as they were passing through to go back to their country
We exchanged numbers, and when we talked she confessed she liked me, a lot, but didn't know what to do in that moment. It was new to her, though that didn't really bother her much. I remember she said something along the lines of "It’s like I was so mesmerized by you and at the same time so confused that I just froze, but I would've kissed you if we had seen each other again, and if it happens I will".
Well, six years passed.
With not really the space or time to establish a relationship, and living in two different countries at that age kind of made it impossible and of course, naturally, contact faded and every once in a while we'd talk again as if no time had passed.
Eventually, she got a boyfriend, I had a few relationships two. Long term and serious on both accounts, but we never not talked at least a couple times a year (respectfully, of course).
I guess I never really stopped liking her, but it was more of a distant thing than anything else. Every time we talked though, it was great. We would catch up, open up about things we would otherwise keep quiet, etc. It's like we always gravitated back to each other, both in thought and in speaking terms (on both accounts).
Some time later, when she finished high-school, she followed her older siblings footsteps and moved to a city near mine to attend college, that was around a year or two ago.
She broke off her relationship a few months back, I did so too.
And a few days ago, I replied to a story she had uploaded on her insta and, well, here comes the best part.
We started talking, catching up, and I can't really remember why but the conversation eventually led to me saying I found her pretty. She replied it was mutual. I'll try to recall the conversation below.
"Wait, do you still like me after all these years?"
"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?"
"I mean, we didn't see each other again, grew older and you even had a boyfriend, I thought maybe the feeling had passed for you"
"Yeah I mean I isolated myself a lot in that relationship, it sucked, but I never not liked you, nor forgot about you, it was just impossible"
"Well, it's not anymore. I still like you too, and I've been wanting this for years"
"So have I, I want to go see you"
I remember I told her that when I saw she had a boyfriend I didn't really wanna force or ruin anything cuz she seemed happy and I liked that, and she told me she would've left him in a heartbeat for me the second she'd known I still liked her.
We also talked about her family. She told me her mom actually found out about our little chat back in 2018 and got kind of mad, but Em told her to screw off and not go through her phone again, and that's the end of it. One of her sisters noticed then too, but just told her good for her and also never mentioned it again.
Then the same day I replied to her story, she was hanging out a while earlier with her older sister and a friend of theirs and eventually told them about me (her sister knew me, of course, but not how we actually felt about each other) since they were reminiscing about summers, told them she was still into me. That even after all those years I still caught her attention when I wandered my way into her head (and it's definitely mutual). She mentioned that although she had found other girls pretty, the only one that ever stuck out to her and really had her head-over-heels for, was me. I felt so flustered when she said that.
The rest of the conversation was one I'd never had with her. She told me she liked me, and what things. She thinks I'm pretty, she thinks I'm funny. Smart, talented, good. I honestly don't know if all of it is true but to hear her so talk about me that way, so starstruck, just like when we were 14, made my heart skip a beat. It was adorable. And then, well, it derailed into a more... uhm... mature conversation about plans we had for each other? If you get what I mean lol.
And that's where we are now. We're both having exams right now so we're planning to meet up next week when we're done.
IM SO EXCITED!
We miss each other, and we've wanted to hang out for ages. Not only that, but her now openness to be with me and enjoy it is so both refreshing and adorable. She calls me names, compliments me, tells me she wants me.
I never would've thought it would actually happen, not at least for a few more years. I also wouldn't have thought that shy girl I met would be so openly flirty with me, even on voice messages.
She's told me about a hundred times already how much she's wanted this, that's she's so glad it's gonna finally happen, that she's wondered what it's like to kiss me ever since she met me. That she wants all of me. Every last bit.
It's mutual, it's all mutual.
I feel giddy, excited, and I definitely feel wanted, and it's amazing.
Just wanted to rant about it and her, she's honestly amazing and beautiful. Kind, smart. Her accent drives me crazy and when she speaks her native language I literally feel weak.
Six years. Six years always thinking about each other (and many of those times it's like we mind-called each other beacuse we'd end up talking again). The girl I've had a crush on for the longest and never got, and we finally have the space, place and time to do it. This is it, it's our moment. And I definitely plan to enjoy every minute of it. She's worth it. So, so worth it.
Have a nice day everyone, Imma go talk to her lol bye

This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.

Season Information

• Airdates: 30th August 1980 - 21st March 1981
• Doctor: 4th (Tom Baker)
• Companions: K-9 (V/A: John Leeson, S18E01-20), Romana II (Lalla Ward, S18E01-20), Adric (Matthew Waterhouse, S18E09-28), Nyssa (Sarah Sutton, S18E21-28), Tegan (Janet Fielding, S18E25-28)
• Other Notable Characters: The Decayed Master (Geoffrey Beevers, S18E21-24), The Tremas Master (Anthony Ainley, S18E24-28)
• Producer: John Nathan-Turner
• Script Editors: Christopher H. Bidmead

Review

In retrospect I really shouldn't have called Season 15 "The Transitional Season". Because, well, Season 18 is obviously the Doctor Who season most clearly transitioning between eras. So much so that by the end of the season the only thing left of the 4th Doctor era is the 4th Doctor himself. Through this season, the 4th Doctor, Romana and K-9 become the 5th Doctor, Adric, Nyssa and Tegan. And it leads to kind of an odd feeling.
It's also notable that there's a serious tonal change that happens this season. While Graham Williams never quite got to make the comedy era of Doctor Who that he wanted to, he did give it a more relaxed and free-flowing atmosphere. Under new Producer John Nathan-Turner, as well as new Script Editor Christopher H. Bidmead, the story veers right back into being a more serious show. And for the first time, there was real effort being put into grounding a lot of the stories in real science. And while the actual science involved isn't really accurate, I do think it has a positive impact on the season as a whole. The science on Doctor Who is always made up, but at least this way it feels like we're pointing in the vague direction of something real.
It's certainly a refreshing change of pace from the rest of the 4th Doctor era. The 4th Doctor era, at least from Season 13 onwards had a tendency to feel very gimmicky. During the Hinchcliffe era it was taking popular horror stories like Frankenstein or The Mummy and adapting them for Doctor Who. During the Williams era, that shifted more towards genre parodies, with some journeys in to Greek mythology. Season 18 feels kind of refreshing in large part because…there's not really any obvious influences. Sure we're pulling from real science, both in individual episodes and in a more general sense with the broad theme of entropy, but that feels a lot less invasive than pulling from more famous media.
Which leads us nicely to the entropy thing. Season 18, at least in theory, has an overarching theme of "entropy". Or more accurately it has an overarching theme of "decay" that sometimes takes on the form of entropy. Because look, there's nothing especially entropic about the vampires in State of Decay or the way the Argolins are dying out in The Leisure Hive, but it still falls into the larger umbrella of decay. Which gives this season a fairly melancholic tone to it on the whole. Throughout the entire season, things seem to be falling apart, especially once we get to E-Space. Warriors' Gate is full of all of this imagery of past riches fading into nothing, Keeper of Traken is literally about an entirely way of life nearly falling apart, and Logopolis is where we, really and truly, get the entropy theme, for real this time. But also…
Logopolis, in which the Doctor dies, briefly turns into a man with white cracked skin only to sit up looking about a decade younger, is probably the best indication of the other half of our decay theme. Because Doctor Who is a show where things generally work out for the best, this is a season that is as much about rebirth as it is about decay. The Argolins from Leisure Hive are given a chance at new life for their civilization. The peoples with meet in the E-Space Trilogy all ultimately get delivered from their decaying societies and given a chance to build back up to something new. In Meglos…I guess at the end there the people of Tigella do ultimately get to live on the surface of their planet…somehow. Even in Keeper of Traken the story leaves the Trakenite people on something of a hopeful note, with a new Keeper installed to look after it. Sure, in Logopolis we learn that the Master apparently blew up Traken off screen (if I had a nickel for every time the Master blew up a planet off screen…) along with its entire solar system, but at least at the end of Keeper things are looking hopeful.
And that idea of renewal kind of extends to the show itself right? Like this is clearly a season that's transitioning into a new, renewed version of itself, at least in theory. That's why we lose Romana and the robot dog, and replace them with a couple of kids and a fairly young flight attendant. John Nathan-Turner felt that the trio of Romana, K-9 and the Doctor were too invulnerable, which is why he decided to write out the two surplus geniuses. You can see this in how stories are structured. Generally speaking in the five stories that Romana and K-9 are in this season, Romana is either confined to her own subplot or taken out of commission, while K-9 is so constantly dismantled or on very low power, it begins to feel like a running gag by the time he leaves.
And at the same time, this season shows us Romana at the absolute height of her competence. She's basically the Doctor's equal by the time we enter E-Space. I think that's why I feel like it was the right time for Romana to leave: she'd done all the developing she needed to. There was nowhere to take the character without making the show just as much about her as it was about the Doctor. So while losing Romana, and Lalla Ward with her, is a shame, it was the right time to drop her. Losing K-9 on the other hand…look the TARDIS is already about to get exceptionally crowded and unless you don't bring Nyssa back in Logopolis there really isn't time for the robot dog, but I'd argue that there was no need to drop K-9 from the show. His presence making the TARDIS team "unassailable" just doesn't hold up, as him continually being dismantled throughout this season proves. And, as Tom Baker once observed in one of the funniest outtakes in Doctor Who history "you [K-9] never fucking know the answer when it's important".
But we do eventually have to introduce the younger folks. It starts out with Alzarian teenager turned TARDIS stowaway Adric. Adric has a reputation as an awful companion, though personally I've never been that down on him. I don't love the character, but he's perfectly acceptable in small doses. The biggest issue I take with him is that he plays into the sullen teenager a bit too much. The moody teenage genius is just not an enjoyable character to follow along with, and it's only going to get worse next season. However, there are moments, particularly in Keeper of Traken where the student/pupil dynamic with the Doctor makes him genuinely likable. Also, his obvious crush on Nyssa, more seen in Logopolis is fairly endearing. But a lot of the time he's just, and I've used this phrase before, an arrogant little shit. And I think it is fair to point out that Matthew Waterhouse, inexperienced as he was, often gives a very wooden performance.
Nyssa is introduced in Keeper of Traken. There we see her interacting on her own homeworld. She takes initiative a number of times in that story, mostly during the jailbreak section which she organizes. In Logopolis she's out searching for her father and that's when she has the rug pulled out from under her. She learns that, in short order, the Master killed her father and then that he destroyed her home system. Between the two stories we get a really solid setup for Nyssa, and Sarah Sutton is really solid in the role, though whether the show will follow through on any of this in the next couple seasons…is a story for another time. And speaking of characters whose somewhat tragic first couple stories often get overlooked, in her first story Tegan learns that the Master has killed her aunt, who she was clearly quite close to. Sure, it's not on the level of Nyssa's loss, but it's not a competition. Tegan, like Nyssa, gets a strong introduction, and like Nyssa we'll see in the future how successful the followup to that introduction is.
And then, there's the Doctor. Amidst all of this change, he's the one thing that stays constant from the prior era, and he ends up feeling a bit out of place by the end of season as a result. Some of this is in retrospect of course. It's only weird seeing the 4th Doctor with Nyssa and Tegan because we think of these two as 5th Doctor companions. But I do think that there's something to the idea that the 4th Doctor belonged to the 1970s. We've now reached the 1980s and the scarf man has somewhat been left behind. Or that may be because Tom Baker just seems tired this season. He's not putting in bad work, because he knows the character too well to do that, but he does seem more disconnected than ever. Of course if I'm going to mention this, I should mention that Baker was getting over an illness during the filming of the E-Space trilogy. And he has his moments of higher energy, particularly in Keeper of Traken for whatever reason. But there are also times, even before the illness, where Tom looks like he's sleepwalking through all of this. I think it's fair to say it was time for him to leave.
On a technical level there are some changes. The Doctor's costume changed substantially, and the rest of the cast will be wearing the same clothes they were introduced in for the rest of next season (well okay, Nyssa's outfit will undergo some minor alterations). It's one of the less well-handled elements of the JNT era: people stop dressing like people, but end up stuck in costumes. This will somewhat ameliorate as time goes on, but it's something worth noting: it starts early, and was very intentional. JNT explicitly wanted all of his main cast to be wearing "uniforms". Musically we've undergone a big change as well. Dudley Simpson is gone and he's been replaced by a rotating cast of composers from the BBC Radiophonics workshop. These are all solid at bare minimum, with my favorite probably being Paddy Kingsland. As a result of this change, the style has changed considerably. Over the course of Simpson's time as composer, the show became more and more orchestral, whereas under the Radiophonics composers we've gone in a more electronic direction. It's a big shift, but by the end of the season it feels natural, and I think Doctor Who does well with a synth sound.
Season 18 begins the reign of Doctor Who's final producer. Eventually JNT will stay on too long, as even he would admit, but at this point all of his ideas feel new and fresh. They aren't all improvements, though some are, but Season 18 does feel entirely different from what came before it, and there's value in that. More than that though, other than enforcing a more serious tone than the Graham Williams era, Season 18 ends up feeling like it's going back to basics. Sure it's got an arc (two of them in fact) but all of the stories feel a lot less constrained by a style than earlier 4th Doctor era stories, which works to it's advantage. Genuinely, this is a strong season, a strong start to John Nathan-Turner's run as producer, and a strong end to the 4th Doctor era.
Even if, you know, it already felt like the show had left him behind well before he regenerated.

Awards

Best Story: State of Decay
What can I say, I like it when old Uncle Terry does horror. It's odd, I'll admit, to have talked up so much how refreshing it felt to have a season that didn't rely so much on gimmicks and then to say that my favorite story from said season to be the vampire pastiche but…I'm allowed to be self contradictory if I like. And genuinely, State of Decay works so well that it's worth highlighting my own inconsistency to highlight the story.
Worst Story: Meglos
Meglos (the character) has no motivation, the stuff on Tigella is the most boring version of a conflict we've done…probably dozens of times at this point, none of the characters are at all memorable…what a waste of the return of Jacqueline Hill.
Most Important: The Keeper of Traken
Logopolis has the regeneration and introduction of block-transfer computation, so this was a closely run thing. But Keeper introduces the version of the Master that will be sticking around for the remainder of the show, sets up a lot about Logopolis, and introduces a new companion. Like I said it's close, but this feels like the right call to me. I also could have gone with Warriors' Gate, but Keeper and Logopolis both feel much more significant to me.
Funniest Story: N/A
Often times when there's not really a comedy in a season, I go for the strangest story as a sort of proxy for the funniest story. But the strangest story this season was Warriors' Gate, and it's not the right kind of strange to qualify for this award. So we're leaving this space blank, as JNT intentionally tries to move the show away from what Graham Williams was doing with it.
Scariest Story: State of Decay
I had to chose which was scarier between the destruction of the universe via entropy or vampires and went with vampires. I think my sense of scale might be borked.

Rankings

1. State of Decay (8/10)
2. Warriors' Gate (8/10)
3. The Leisure Hive (7/10)
4. The Keeper of Traken (7/10)
5. Logopolis (7/10)
6. Full Circle (7/10)
7. Meglos (1/10)

Season Rankings
These are based on weighted averages that take into account the length of each story. Take this ranking with a grain of salt however. No average can properly reflect a full season's quality and nuance, and the scores for each story are, ultimately, highly subjective and a bit arbitrary.

1. Season 7 (8.1/10)
2. Season 10 (7.5/10)
3. Season 4 (7.0/10)
4. Season 11 (6.5/10)
5. Season 18 (6.4/10)
6. Season 12 (6.3/10)
7. Season 6 (6.3/10)
8. Season 1 (6.2/10)
9. Season 14 (6.2/10)
10. Season 13 (6.1/10)
11. Season 3 (6.0/10)
12. Season 5 (6.0/10)
13. Season 15 (5.9/10)
14. Season 2 (5.8/10)
15. Season 9 (5.8/10)
16. Season 8 (5.8/10)
17. Season 17 (5.8/10) *
18. Season 16 – The Key to Time (5.6/10)

* Includes originally unmade serial Shada
I'm genuinely considering abandoning the season/doctor era rankings portion of these posts. Do I think that Season 18 was good…absolutely. The 5th best season of the first 18 though?
What's happened here is that a lot of very solid scores (4 sevens…) have skewed the results up higher than they would otherwise have gone to the point that, even me giving Meglos a 1/10 hasn't affected it that much. The end result is a season going much higher than I would otherwise put it. Granted if I were as high on Warriors' Gate as some, I'd probably feel better about this, but if I were as high on that story as some it probably gets a perfect score and borks these rankings even further. I don't know, I guess the rankings serve their purpose as a snapshot of how good I felt any given season was on average, but I less and less feel like they're a reflection of my actual rankings of the seasons
Next Time: Somehow, I've reached the end of the 4th Doctor era. Now I just have to write about him. That's…going to be a lot.

My hands are shaking as I write this, I have to document my story incase something happens to me in the next few days. I'm not sure where to begin but I suppose here is better than anywhere.
I've always had this weird feeling, this sensation inside of me that I was older than I actually was. By the time I was twelve, my soul felt as though it was forty. By the time I reached twenty, I felt like an old woman. I would watch people around my age acting foolish, and I always thought, "What a bunch of children." So it was no surprise to anyone that when I turned twenty-one, I left my hometown and college and decided to spend the summer alone by renting an old farmhouse in an insignificant town on the edge of an even more insignificant border.
When I told my mother, she had a veritable fit, unable to find the words. She spluttered and raged around me for days before I finally left early one morning to avoid her guilt and frustration with my choices. I was not sure why I craved solitude at such a young age, why I found solace in being alone and removed from society.
In high school, I had changed unexpectedly, cutting my long blonde hair short and dying it black, getting piercings that my mother loathed and claimed no young lady should have. You see, my mother was raised proper, as she called it. Good family, good husband, and finally a good life. She despised her perfect life being squashed by my alternative looks and feelings of the same world. She just didn't understand me or the world as it changed around her. I felt like I was just a trophy to her and my father, her perfect angel who had been tainted by my own demented thoughts.
I never told my parents where I was staying, one last rebellious mission before leaving for a few months, and it took me only a few hours to arrive at the farmhouse where I would be staying for the next few months. The land around the farm was dead or dying, old crops rose out of the dry dusty earth and had turned black and forgotten, as if this land was the example of dreams long forgotten and empty. A single dreary lane connected this desolate farmhouse to the rest of the world. On the outside, it was drab and looked as though it would fall apart. It had two stories but still seemed cramped and small, as if it were a single floor tied to the ground.
Across from the house, bordering the tall weeds that had reclaimed much of the farmland, stood a maudlin-looking faded red barn, one door propped open in a dejected manner revealing naught to me but shadows, dust, and a little mystery.
Next to the barn, staked into the ground on an old-looking cross, was a ragged scarecrow. It had drab brown clothing, but its face was oddly realistic, like it was watching me with a disapproving manner. Straw poked through its joints at odd angles like they were trying to break free from their confines. The scarecrow obviously didn't do its job as it was covered in no less than three crows.
I parked my car next to the barn and stepped out into the dusty yard before the farmhouse that I would make my home for the next few months. I checked under the front mat for the key and put it in the lock.
With a satisfying click, the door fell inward into the farmhouse. Surprisingly, the inside of the farmhouse was modern, clean, and looked quite inviting. I could smell the fresh paint on the walls, and everything was so white. The realtor had told me she would stop by tomorrow to collect the rent, and she had tried to chat my ear off on the phone about all the renovations she and her son were doing on the place.
I sighed with contentment and tossed my bags beside the door. I dug around in my bag and removed my camera, my father's old film shooter as he called it. I had taken up the hobby years ago for what I called capturing the oddity in the world.
I explored the small house a little more; the ground floor consisted of a single room and small bathroom with a shower. The bedroom was upstairs and was the only room, the stairs connected directly to the white and pink monstrosity that was the master bedroom. The pillows had laces on them and almost made me gag from the cuteness. There was even cute white lace curtains on the window with little flowers stitched onto them.
Out of the only window of the room, I could see the barn and the scarecrow. I aimed my camera at the pair and snapped a photo. From this angle, the scarecrow appeared to be staring straight at me. It stood next to the left side of the barn in a dejected manner like a chastised child.
A shudder involuntarily ran through me at the sight, but I moved on back downstairs. It was getting close to dinner time now, and I had brought some food with me.
After a few minutes, I had my dinner on the stove cooking and the crickets chirping outside the open window. As I sat down to eat next to the window, I felt at peace for one of the first times in years. The solitude of this old farm was exactly what I needed. The window supplied a nice breeze that wafted through the place, it smelled of grass and warm summer nights, made me feel at peace. The simple dish of spaghetti with tomato sauce and a glass of wine was all that I needed right here, right now in this moment.
That night I climbed into the frilly laced bed and sunk into the claustrophobic mattress. I felt like Goldilocks in the mama bear's bed as it was altogether too soft. From my perfumed bed, I had a good view out the window. I had left the porch light on, and it cast an eerie glow across the yard. The barn loomed ominously, stalwart against the light of the porch, like it was protecting the shadows from the battering ram of light. The somber scarecrow leaned against the left side of the barn.
With a small jump, I thought I saw its arm move slightly. I peered through my camera using the zoom to get a better view of the scarecrow. It was completely still in the night, and I laughed quietly to myself at my silliness. I had always enjoyed horror movies, but there was no chance I was living in one. I settled back into bed and put my camera down. Within a few minutes, I fell into sleep's warm embrace.
What felt like only a few minutes later, I sat up in bed. It was still dark out, I could hear crickets chirping through the open window, and I strained my ears for a moment.
I thought something had woken me up. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine as a cold breeze wafted in through the window. I pulled the frilly blanket up around myself when I heard it. A thud sounded below me, shaking the whole world into silence. The crickets stopped chirping, and my heart felt like it had stopped beating. Someone was in the house. I hadn't locked the door or closed the kitchen window, and now someone was downstairs. A second thud sounded like a boot on the staircase. Then another and another as something was slowly moving up the stairs towards the room.
I don't know why I did it, but something came over me. I wasn't big or especially brave, but my normal cowardice in social situations changed instantly. With a dash, I tore across the room, flicking on the lights, ready to face my attacker, to defend myself against male or female. I would fight, and I would win.
But as the lights turned on, ready to strike with my foot, nothing was there. The staircase was empty, and upon further inspection, the entire house was empty. The kitchen window was open, and I shut and locked it securely before checking the door. Nothing. I sat down on the couch, my heart pounding out of my chest, as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
"I must have still been half-asleep," I said aloud to the room in a thinly veiled attempt to calm my nerves. It failed horribly, but I went with it. What else could you do in a situation like that?
After locking up the house, I went back up to that frilly four-poster bed in the bedroom and stared out the window. Nothing was in the yard except my car, the barn, and the same old sad-looking scarecrow staring across the yard.
Day 2
The next morning, I woke up to the soft light filtering through the lace curtains. Despite the strange events of the previous night, I felt strangely refreshed, as if the morning sun had chased away the shadows that lingered in my mind.
I descended the stairs, the wooden steps creaking softly under my weight, and headed to the kitchen. As I brewed a pot of coffee, my mind wandered back to the events of last night. Was it just a figment of my imagination, or was there really someone in the house?
Shaking off the unease, I decided to explore the farmhouse in the daylight. I wandered through the room, admiring the modern renovations that clashed with the rustic exterior. The farmhouse had a charm to it, despite its eerie surroundings.
As I made my way outside, the cool morning air greeted me, and I took a deep breath, letting the serenity of the countryside wash over me. The barn stood tall against the backdrop of the morning sky, and the scarecrow seemed to watch me as I crossed the yard.
I approached the barn, curiosity getting the better of me. Pushing open the creaky door, I stepped inside, the musty scent of hay filling my nostrils. The interior was dimly lit, the sunlight filtering through the cracks in the wooden walls.
I explored every nook and cranny of the barn, but found nothing out of the ordinary. As I turned to leave, something caught my eye. In the corner of the barn, hidden beneath a pile of old blankets, was a small wooden chest.
My heart racing with anticipation, I lifted the lid of the trunk and peered inside. What I found took my breath away. It was a collection of old photographs, yellowed with age, depicting scenes from a bygone era. They were of a man with his family, two young kids, and a beautiful young wife. The man had yellow blonde hair, almost like straw in texture, but he smiled so happily with his family.
I sifted through the photographs, my fingers trembling with excitement. Who had left these behind, and why? Each photograph seemed to tell a story, a glimpse into the past of this forgotten farmhouse.
As I sat there, lost in thought, a sudden noise jolted me back to reality. It was the sound of footsteps coming from outside the barn.
"Hello?" The dreamy voice of a woman called to me from the entrance to the barn.
I slammed the lid of the trunk shut, closing the memories up in a flurry as I spun around to be greeted by a quite pretty woman with blonde hair and a pink suit skirt combo. She had bright pink lipstick, that seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face, and quite shiny and sparkly blue eye shadow on her lids. I myself only wore black eyeliner. This woman was like Barbie in her proportions, thin waist, long hair, and large tracts of land, as my father would have said.
"Oh, hello," I said simply, always awkward in normal social situations.
If she noticed anything odd about me, she breezed over it in an easy manner. Taking me by the shoulders, she led me out of the dusty barn and into the yard.
"You must be Polly. We have been waiting a while for you to come. I simply must know what you think of the renovations to the house. Aren’t they just to die for?" The lady said all in one breath, as if she didn’t need air to speak.
"Yes, they are quite nice..." I started before she cut me off, not in a rude manner but instead in one that she would have continued on even if I had just told her I was not Polly and instead I was a mass murderer looking for my next victim.
"You see, me and my son Eli—yes, Eli, you stop lurking in the shadows over there," she said, continuing on as I noticed a younger man leaning up against the barn. He wore simple clothes of jeans and a white t-shirt but had a handsome face. His hair was brown and hung slightly over his eyes.
"I hope you don’t mind if my son here continues working on some renovations while you stay here? Strictly on the outside of the house, mind you. A fresh coat of white paint would make this little beauty shine. We would have finished by now if not for the accidents," she continued, completely unabashed by my silence.
"Sorry. But you are the realtor?" I said, trying to regain my feet under me.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry, dear!" she said with an affable cackle.
"Yes, yes, I am Barbara, but all my friends call me Barb. That over there is Eli. Eli, come say hi," Barb said while her painted talons rested firmly on my shoulder.
Eli stomped over, keeping his eyes low, in a sort of moody way that actually intrigued me, sort of.
When he glanced up at me, I noticed he drank in me from head to toe, and for the first time, I realized what I was wearing. An old rock t-shirt of one of my favorite bands and, of all things, my black pajama bottoms with cartoon bats on them that said "happy halloween."
I felt my face blush crimson as he made eye contact with me. He had very mysterious eyes of blue that seemed to cut right through my soul.
"Nice shirt," he said while gesturing to me. His voice was quiet and uncertain, as if he didn’t get much practice with the art. Knowing his mother, it seemed highly accurate.
"Thanks. Do you like them?" I asked.
"Oh, he likes all sorts of things, don’t you, Eli? Honestly, you two can gab on forever. But miss, I believe we have a small matter of payment," Barb said, drawing the conversation back to herself.
"Of course. Let me go get it," I said as I went back into the house and retrieved the envelope with the rent money in it.
Barb grabbed the envelope in her bright pink talons and snapped a piece of bubblegum between her teeth. With quick fingers, she leafed through the cash, counting it. As she counted, her normal bubbly personality seemed to disappear, giving way to what I gleaned was her true thoughts and feelings before the facade slipped on once again.
"Mmkay, perfect honey, this is the right amount. Now you have my number, so you call if you need anything. Like I said earlier, Eli will stop by from time to time to work on painting the house. I promise you he won’t be an imposition, just pay him no mind," Barb said in a sweet voice as she popped her gum in between each word.
"Eli, come on, please, I have an appointment in town," Barb said to her son, and they both climbed into a garish pink convertible with jewels hanging from the mirror wrapped in a gold chain.
Barb waved one last time as she sped off out of the driveway, covering me in dust as she spun the wheel around.
With their departure, I went inside and retrieved my camera. I spent a few minutes shooting a few pictures I thought were worthy. I re-entered the barn and pulled the old trunk out into the sunshine. Inside was only a handful of photos, some old clothes, and what looked like some old heirlooms. A beautifully old candlestick and a few leather-bound books lay at the bottom, covered by an old tablecloth. The tablecloth was a nice white with intricate swirling patterns inlaid around the edges.
Why would these things be packed away in here? They were so beautiful. I decided to bring the stuff inside for further inspection. As I lifted the trunk, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something move in the tall grass at the edge of the property. I stared for a minute, but nothing moved again. I must be getting jumpy being alone like this. After last night and then this, I was just imagining things.
I brought the items inside and spread them out. I put the tablecloth on the table, and it hung low to the ground. I placed the candlestick by the window and took out the photos again, spreading them out.
The photos told me a story of a loving family that obviously lived in the farmhouse before me. They had a photo next to the barn, with a brand new looking scarecrow in the back. The man even had his arm around it; it looked so much cleaner and proper in this photo. I stared outside at the sad-looking scarecrow.
I took my camera and the photo and went outside to stand next to the scarecrow. His post hung kind of crooked in the earth like it was weighed down by the scarecrow.
I snapped a photo of the scarecrow as it was, then examined the original photo. I began resettling the post in the ground, but it kept sagging. I decided to pull him out of the ground and move him while I added more dirt to his hole. With some effort, I reseated him into his original hole. He already looked better, but I straightened his clothes and pulled out the last bits of straw that stuck out of his clothes. When I was finished, I looked back at him and took a photo, smiling while I did so at my work.
I then spent some time sweeping the front porch and banging the dust out of the cushions before I curled up on a wicker chair with plump cushions for a few hours reading a book I had brought with me.
I felt quite content at this place. The sounds of the crickets began again, putting me at ease as the sun began to descend. I had spent the entire day just relaxing, and it was perfect. I sat sprawled out in the chair, too lazy to go and make dinner or even move. My bladder was full, but I waited until the last moment before dashing inside and relieving myself.
That's when I noticed it, out in the yard. It seemed as if the scarecrow had moved closer. Once shrouded by the barn slightly, it now had moved a few steps into the light from the porch. My heart dropped at the sight. Not again, I must be asleep on the porch in the chair. I pinched myself, trying to wake up, but all I received was a sore arm.
I closed my eyes, then rubbed them, hoping to dispel whatever plagued my mind, but when I opened my eyes, I noticed the scarecrow was even closer. Halfway across the yard now, it sat menacingly, hanging crooked in the dirt. The scarecrow seemed to be staring at me with an intense gaze. The slits in its face were open now, and in the porch light, I swear I could see human eyes underneath the mask.
I moved towards the front door, locking it in a swift motion. I was shaking now, and it took me a minute to relax. I never took my eyes off the scarecrow for fear of it moving again.
My cellphone was upstairs, so I couldn't flee without the scarecrow moving again. I breathed out slightly and unlocked the door, letting it swing in with a creak. The night outside was silent, as if everything was holding its breath. The usual crickets that plagued me with their song day and night had fallen quiet. I stepped out onto the porch; I needed to go confront this demonic entity. Something about this still made me think this was a prank.
"Eli, is that you?" I called out to the scarecrow.
No response, of course. I steeled myself and put one foot off the porch, never taking my eyes off the scarecrow before me. Something seemed to be dripping from its head as I approached, a dark slime that seemed to be melting from its joints as it stood there silently, except for the constant drip of the liquid on the dry dirt before me.
I walked around the scarecrow, determined to figure out what was going on. As I circled it, my vision darkened for a moment as I faced towards the light of the house. I jumped as the scarecrow's head turned to face me as I looked away. The black liquid drained faster from the being, forming a shallow pool at its feet.
I'm not proud of what I did next, but I fled, taking my eyes off the scarecrow. I made a mad dash for the farmhouse. Behind me, I could hear the pounding of feet. I screamed as loud as my lungs would let me. My voice rang through the silence as I grabbed the door handle and wrenched open the door as I felt a strong grip fall on my shoulder.
I turned to defend myself, but nothing was there. The scarecrow was gone, the wooden cross had vanished, as had the pool of dark liquid in the dirt. The world sprung back to life; the crickets began chirping loudly, and my heart restarted. I slammed the door, and the air from my force scattered the photographs on the table. I ran upstairs, leaving the lights on in the house, and dove onto the bed, wrapping myself in the frilly blanket like a set of frilly armor.
I snatched my camera from the bedside table and held it close, determined to document the rest of the night. I held it in shaking hands as the noise downstairs began—the sound of boots crossing the floor to the stairs and the careful but heavy steps of ascension as they climbed closer and closer to me.
This time, I didn't lunge forward as the light was already on. I glanced out the window, but the scarecrow was still gone. I focused my camera on the stairs and waited as the steps came closer and closer. A shape began to form as the head of whatever was coming up the stairs crested the floor. Then a plain brown mask with slits where the eyes would be. It froze for a moment, then slowly turned its head towards me. Inside the slits were human eyes that seemed to be leaking dark red blood.
In the light, I could see it now. I snapped a photo of the beast, the flash setting off a reaction in the beast. The scarecrow moved so fast up the stairs it was a blur. My scream echoed throughout the house as it lunged at me. Filthy hands pinned me down, and the deep crimson liquid began pouring out of every joint of the scarecrow. It began covering my face, my eyes, and getting into my open mouth. I spluttered and kicked at the beast, but my blows had no purchase, as if the scarecrow on top of me had no substance to itself.
I coughed and spluttered on the liquid as it began to fill my mouth faster and faster. I tried not to swallow any, but it tried to find purchase as I was held down.
"Polly?" A nervous voice called from below.
Suddenly, as if the angels had called, the pressure dissipated, and I crashed to the floor in a heap, trying to spit the blood out, but nothing came—it was gone. Footsteps pounded up the stairs again, and I flew back in fear, closing my eyes.
"Oh my god. Polly, are you okay?" A voice said, and gentle hands grabbed my arm.
My eyes shot open at the human touch, and I grabbed Eli into a tight hug, where I promptly began sobbing in fear, my whole body shaking as Eli awkwardly hugged me.
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay," Eli said patiently to me as he hugged me back gently and began stroking my back.
I shivered in a choking sob and fell into his arms, desperately wanting to believe him, and for some reason, I did.

So I (20F) have known this girl, let's call her Em (fake name, 20F), for a whole bunch of years.
To be precise, we actually first met when we were little, but neither of us remembers it.
My mom has been friends with my "aunt" (not biological) since they were in high-school. As they grew older, of course, their families expanded. My aunt had three kids, who would be my cousins. Her mom's side of the family is from a another country that shares borders with ours. Her brother, who lives in said country, had 5 kids, four girls and one boy. We're unrelated. They're my "cousins" actual cousins.
Most of my family (this aunt and cousins included) live in another part of my country, so when I was a kid I used to go over the summer and stay most of it there to see everyone. It seems that when we were kids, we all hung out once, there's even a picture to prove it, but again, no one bellow age 25 remembers that.
Well one of those summers, when I was 14, I went to visit and went over to my aunt's for dinner. That's when Em and I kind of really met, and boy do I remember that.
We all said our hellos, and we sat down at the table, she was sitting across me. All night we made small talk, and I really liked her.
I was always openly gay, never really had a "coming out of the closet", since no one in my family cares. They've always been supportive of me. Her family, though, it's a different story.
Her siblings are great, and they're also cool about that, but her parents (specially her mom) are catholics (if I remember correctly, her dad or one of their uncles is a preist) soooo yeah we weren't really openly flirting at the dinner table.
But then, us young ones went away to play cards. She was playing against me, 3 vs 3, only this time she was sitting almost beside me.
The stolen glances, the grazing of hands, the little smirks. I remember the way she looked at me, like she didn't understand what or why she was feeling something, but she knew she was. She found me attractive, but with the not-really-but-just-met situation and her parents, we just stuck with that. I only saw her once again that summer, same thing, only for a whole day. And then back in my hometown as they were passing through to go back to their country
We exchanged numbers, and when we talked she confessed she liked me, a lot, but didn't know what to do in that moment. It was new to her, though that didn't really bother her much. I remember she said something along the lines of "It’s like I was so mesmerized by you and at the same time so confused that I just froze, but I would've kissed you if we had seen each other again, and if it happens I will".
Well, six years passed.
With not really the space or time to establish a relationship, and living in two different countries at that age kind of made it impossible and of course, naturally, contact faded and every once in a while we'd talk again as if no time had passed.
Eventually, she got a boyfriend, I had a few relationships two. Long term and serious on both accounts, but we never not talked at least a couple times a year (respectfully, of course).
I guess I never really stopped liking her, but it was more of a distant thing than anything else. Every time we talked though, it was great. We would catch up, open up about things we would otherwise keep quiet, etc. It's like we always gravitated back to each other, both in thought and in speaking terms (on both accounts).
Some time later, when she finished high-school, she followed her older siblings footsteps and moved to a city near mine to attend college, that was around a year or two ago.
She broke off her relationship a few months back, I did so too.
And a few days ago, I replied to a story she had uploaded on her insta and, well, here comes the best part.
We started talking, catching up, and I can't really remember why but the conversation eventually led to me saying I found her pretty. She replied it was mutual. I'll try to recall the conversation below.
"Wait, do you still like me after all these years?"
"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?"
"I mean, we didn't see each other again, grew older and you even had a boyfriend, I thought maybe the feeling had passed for you"
"Yeah I mean I isolated myself a lot in that relationship, it sucked, but I never not liked you, nor forgot about you, it was just impossible"
"Well, it's not anymore. I still like you too, and I've been wanting this for years"
"So have I, I want to go see you"
I remember I told her that when I saw she had a boyfriend I didn't really wanna force or ruin anything cuz she seemed happy and I liked that, and she told me she would've left him in a heartbeat for me the second she'd known I still liked her.
We also talked about her family. She told me her mom actually found out about our little chat back in 2018 and got kind of mad, but Em told her to screw off and not go through her phone again, and that's the end of it. One of her sisters noticed then too, but just told her good for her and also never mentioned it again.
Then the same day I replied to her story, she was hanging out a while earlier with her older sister and a friend of theirs and eventually told them about me (her sister knew me, of course, but not how we actually felt about each other) since they were reminiscing about summers, told them she was still into me. That even after all those years I still caught her attention when I wandered my way into her head (and it's definitely mutual). She mentioned that although she had found other girls pretty, the only one that ever stuck out to her and really had her head-over-heels for, was me. I felt so flustered when she said that.
The rest of the conversation was one I'd never had with her. She told me she liked me, and what things. She thinks I'm pretty, she thinks I'm funny. Smart, talented, good. I honestly don't know if all of it is true but to hear her so talk about me that way, so starstruck, just like when we were 14, made my heart skip a beat. It was adorable. And then, well, it derailed into a more... uhm... mature conversation about plans we had for each other? If you get what I mean lol.
And that's where we are now. We're both having exams right now so we're planning to meet up next week when we're done.
IM SO EXCITED!
We miss each other, and we've wanted to hang out for ages. Not only that, but her now openness to be with me and enjoy it is so both refreshing and adorable. She calls me names, compliments me, tells me she wants me.
I never would've thought it would actually happen, not at least for a few more years. I also wouldn't have thought that shy girl I met would be so openly flirty with me, even on voice messages.
She's told me about a hundred times already how much she's wanted this, that's she's so glad it's gonna finally happen, that she's wondered what it's like to kiss me ever since she met me. That she wants all of me. Every last bit.
It's mutual, it's all mutual.
I feel giddy, excited, and I definitely feel wanted, and it's amazing.
Just wanted to rant about it and her, she's honestly amazing and beautiful. Kind, smart. Her accent drives me crazy and when she speaks her native language I literally feel weak.
Six years. Six years always thinking about each other (and many of those times it's like we mind-called each other beacuse we'd end up talking again). The girl I've had a crush on for the longest and never got, and we finally have the space, place and time to do it. This is it, it's our moment. And I definitely plan to enjoy every minute of it. She's worth it. So, so worth it.
Have a nice day everyone, Imma go talk to her lol bye

"Music explains itself. It is the road and the map that shows the road."
"Can you explain how music works without using music?"
That brought me up short.

BLUF: Kvothe knows the name of music.
When Elodin is teaching Kvothe about naming, we have this discussion about how there are some things that can't be explained and that naming helps us to understand them anyway.

"The majority of important things cannot be said outright," Elodin said. "They cannot be made explicit. They can only be implied." He looked... around the lecture hall. "Name something that cannot be explained."
...
"Naming?" Fenton asked.
"That is a cheap answer Re'lar," Elodin said with a hint of reproach. "But you correctly anticipate the theme of my lecture so we will let it slide." He pointed at me.
"There isn't anything that can't be explained," I said firmly. "If something can be understood, it can be explained. A person might not be able to do a good job of explaining it. But that just means it's hard, not that it's impossible."
Elodin held up a finger. "Not hard or impossible. Merely pointless. Some things can only be inferred." He gave me an infuriating smile. "By the way, your answer should have been music."
"Music explains itself," I said. "It is the road and it is the map that shows the road. It is both together."
"But can you explain how music works?" Elodin asked.
"Of course," I said. Though I wasn't sure of any such thing.
"Can you explain how music works without using music?"
That brought me up short.

To dig a bit deeper, let's go to the frame story.

...he added a small, frightened silence to the larger, hollow one. They made an alloy of sorts, a harmony.
"...and the final ring was without name."

So Kvothe knows the name of something that has no name. Speaking the name of a thing which has no name leaves only... silence. Which can apparently create harmonies. To be clear, I don't think actual silence is the name of music, because that doesn't make sense, it's not a name. I think that silence is needed to heaknow the name of music because music is its own name. Maybe not all of it, not every piece, but music's name can only be "spoken" through music.
Okay whatever, fairly flimsy, I know, but for the sake of argument assume I'm right. How does Kvothe know the name of music? Yes he's a very accomplished musician, but there are many more who are as or more accomplished even just in Imre. To know a name, you need to learn about a thing for days, weeks, sometimes years. Long enough that your sleeping mind awakens and absorbs all that there is to know about it. If only there was a period of Kvothe's life where his waking mind was asleep and he did nothing but play music for hours on end...

...my mind used the first door [the door of sleep] to numb the pain. The wound was covered until the proper time for healing could come. In self-defense, a good portion of my mind simply stopped working - went to sleep, if you will.
Of course I played. It was my only solace.
Eventually I could play from when I woke until the time I slept.
I began to play something other than songs... I would play until I got the feeling right.
I remember spending three whole days trying to capture Wind Turning a Leaf.
Somewhere in the third month, I stopped looking outside and started looking inside for things to play.

To me, this is similar to the way he describes watching the wind until he saw its patterns and thus learning its name.
But hang on, music can't be it's own name, then everyone would be hearing a name every time it's played. That would surely do something to them; names have an effect on people after all. They stir something in them, make them feel moved strangely (see: whenever Elodin speaks; when a name is spoken but the person hearing it doesn't know the name; etc). If only music did the same thing.
"Thin, Albannach, very thin," I hear you say. And I'm with you. Surely, if Kvothe knew the name of music it would have more of effect on him. Let us turn to when he calls the wind the first time:

He looked at me. His dark eyes steadied me somewhat. Slowed the storm inside me. "Aerlevsedi," he said. "Say it."
"What?" Simmon said somewhere in the distant background. "Wind?"
"Aerlevsedi" Elodin repeated patiently, his dark eyes intent upon my face.
"Aerlevsedi," I said numbly.
...
His eyes caught mine. The numbness faded, but the storm still turned inside my head. Then Elodin's eyes changed. He stopped looking toward me and looked into me. ... He leaned forward and his lips brushed my ear. I felt his breath. He spoke... and the storm stilled. I found a place to land."

Is there a parallel with music? When is there not in this story. Many times, Kvothe refers to his music keeping him grounded and sane. Besides the detail above about him playing during his time in the woods and it allowing his mind to heal, I'll pick out one or two. After he got his lute back when Denna took it:

"With my lute back in my hands, the rest of my life slid easily back into balance.

Or playing at the Eolian:

"Offstage I worry and sweat. Onstage I am calm as a windless winter night."

Going back to the initial evidence about the discussion with Elodin. That comment about the road and the map that shows it is interesting. Sounds a bit like his chat with Tempi about the Lethani.

"What is the purpose of the Lethani?" Tempi asked.
"To give us a path to follow?" I replied.
"No," Tempi said sternly. "The Lethani is not a path."
"What is the purpose of the Lethani, Tempi?"
"To guide us in our actions. By following the Lethani, you act rightly."
"Is this not a path?"
"No. The Lethani is what helps us choose a path."

A slight addendum theory that plays into the bigger picture here: the Lethani is a way to invoke the mental state Kvothe calls Spinning Leaf, which enables people to better know/learn names, as we see Kvothe do multiple times. This is not an accident. The Adem, like the Edema, are descended of the first namers, and the Lethani comes from that heritage... just as music comes from the Edema heritage. The Edema music comes from Illien (who could be any number of namers/shapers who pop up in the stories: Lanre, Tarborlin, Iax, etc). What better evidence that music is its own name than the greatest Ruh (equivalently, the greatest of what became of the original namers) being the greatest musician travelling the world to show people the way.
In summary: music is its own name and to hear it and know it you need silence. Why else would Kvothe keep silence so heavy around himself at the Inn? (yes okay I know there's lots of other reasons he might but that's not the point of this theory)

Looking for recommendations for a good place for a men's cut for medium to long hair. Not a fade or a shave or a "numbered cut". Preferably in the west end of town!

I’m 29 years old. I’ve been single for 3 years after a very toxic and emotional manipulative relationship that I ended. My issue is not that I can’t find someone, I can find someone and it may go well but I can’t get past the talking stage and they reject me a few months into talking. I’ve been on dating apps for the last 2 years or so on and off and I’ve been on a couple dates locally, neither of them went particularly well. One girl I met on hinge and she accused me of lying about my height and I didn’t. I wasn’t getting many quality matches here so I expanded my range. For most of 2023 I was talking to a girl long distance from England and we got along very well but I later figured out she was going on trips with another guy behind my back and it got extremely toxic and we got into a fight and she blocked me on everything.
In February I matched with a girl on hinge and we had a lot in common we got along very well and I thought she was very sweet. I really liked her. She lived about 2 hours away from me and we exchanged numbers. Last month we decided to meet halfway so I drove and met her and we talked and it went pretty well so I thought I might actually be onto something. Unfortunately she started to do the slow fade out thing and she started texting me less and less and the replies got shorter and she started to sound cold and distant. So yesterday I said “I’m getting the vibe that you lost interest in me” and she said that she thought I was really sweet and she liked me but she couldn’t do long distance. So that really sucked and felt like a gut punch because I told my family about her. So that was probably the last time I’ll hear from her.
Pretty much everybody I went to high school with or grew up with is married with multiple kids and this is where I’m at. It’s very frustrating and it feels like no matter what I do. I’m never good enough.

I'm struggling. My flair says reconciling, but it's on a low arc and approaching failure. Or maybe it's still false. I don't know.
Married 19 years, together for 25; two teenage children with severe emotional problems coming out of the pandemic.
D-Day was 16 months ago, the night before Thanksgiving. AP was literally an alcoholic unemployed late 40-something living in his mom's basement. They had met at a funeral she hadn't bothered to ask me to go because I wasn't leaving the bed in those days and I'd have said no. The night I discovered his clingy, mooning texts lamenting their inability to spend the holiday together, my life - already a terrible, depressive, lonely black hole of a mess and following the sudden, unnecessary death of a parent on Christmas Day - just imploded.
Upon confrontation after Thanksgiving dinner, the response was the worst in all ways possible. WW was high on limerence, and was fiercely unapologetic. She didn't want to separate but demanded an open marriage. She 'deserved to be happy', and felt good about her having told this unplanned encounter that went from EA to PA in 72 hours that she'd never leave me.
She had eschewed having intimacy for years before this. We had been poor to each other over the years, but I fell off a cliff after our kids faded from the world and my parent died. She was legit shocked and belligerent when I refused, and said that if you pursue this I will have to leave.
We made some temporary agreements (ones she did not keep), and started seeing a counselor. I started IC for the first time in my middle-aged life. We were however 'not aligned', as she'd say. She didnt want to give up her boyfriend, and I refused to stay if he was in the picture. I cringe to think back to how I said, 'you can maintain a friendship if you absolutely must but you must reinvest back into working on our relationship'.
This was a no-go for her for a while. She'd meet him. He'd sleep in her place of business. SHe lent him our car. (He crashed it while drunk, btw.) There was a moment when I had the kids in Puerto Rico, and she returned early for a funeral, and she went to the funeral with him and probably had sex after. Meanwhile I was stuck in an airport, trying to get home after a cancelled flight and just threw lots of money at the problem to curtail the time she had with him. She had in the three month relationship began introducing him to family friends, people who knew me.
With someone living a state away, she somehow managed to squeeze in more sex in 3 months than we'd had together in 10 years. In my mind, she was working on replacing me with AP but didn't want to separate for the sake of our kids.
Come January, she claimed to have decided to break things off. I didn't really believe her. I made a surprise visit to her place of business on a weekend, and found him there asleep on the couch with no pants on.
We had words, and despite being beside myself with rage and grief I was able to take his measure. In many ways, I wish I had met him right after D-Day. It was clear he was a narcissistic dumpster fire with pretensions of intellectuality. There were signs of some bipolar behavior. He made clear his intentions was to stay, and to convince WW to leave me. And he still had our car, and keys to her business site. (We live in a large city and don't need multiple vehicles, or even the one car if I'm honest.)
She realized where I was going due to my phone location and ran after me, but got there after I had 15 minutes with the joker. She asked him to leave, but still let him keep our car. She had no words, which has been a theme throughout our marriage. She can't easily access her feelings or articulate them, and she's afraid to express them for fear of my response. I told her after having met him, noted his instability and his intentions, i said I can no longer accept any contact between them. She reluctantly agreed.
From mid-January through to August followed a sequence of false representation of wanting to work on reconciliation and cycles of lying about not having contact. She was in love with him, she claimed, but seemed to go cold turkey overnight. She neither engaged with me nor took steps to reconcile, but claimed how difficult it was and that she was working on our relationship.
We quit the MC we started to see. We eventually found another several months later. We're still with the 2nd MC. In the meantime began a kind of surreal hellscape life for me, as she would say the barest of minimum things, and usually nothing at all about where she was, how she felt, and what was she willing to do to rebuild our relationship. She took no steps to reassure me, or show she wants me. She would say she did, but simultaneously be cold, distant, and - as i soon discovered - was still in contact with AP.
He gave her a burner phone. I found it within 2 days and threw the brand new phone into the river. Cheaters really need to not let unknown devices onto the home wifi networks of the technically literate. We had it out again, she promised to really try. A few weeks later I found unusual call patterns in our cell account. AP had provisioned a new phone number. Following that blow up was the WhatsApp phase, which really began to take the wind out of my sails.
She expressed no remorse. She was resentful of my 'intrusions into her privacy'. She genuinely thought it would be comforting to hear that the affair had nothing to do with me. She would be visibly annoyed when I asked for confirmations there had been no new contact - and even more so when in retrospect when there had been.
There were at least five discrete cycles of deception. AP escalated by getting five phone numbers and cycling through them. Towards the end, she had hid these numbers as secondary numbers of people they knew in common but didn't regularly have contact with. AP would write texts from the perspective of different personae.
Then there were the people who knew, and of those there were people who fully supported her behavior. There were people who aided and abetted it, lending her their apartments, or hoping she finds some comfort. One particularly egregious one, early on, tried to convince Amanda to really try to convince me to find someone else to be happy in an open arrangement. She's still in regular contact with this person.
The culmination of the PA/EA with the AP happened last summer. He eventually returned the car, but only after he had reclaimed it from the police impound lot. He did not pay for the repairs. Or his tolls when coming to and fro to fuck my WW. I did.
I had been fairly successful in identifying his phone numbers and having them blocked at the carrier level with some gaps in time, and diverting his email and voicemail. During ths period where all his means of contact were being closed soon after being opened, he was starting to rage and unstable. WW upon the latest confrontation (i was pretty calm and matter of fact about it) admitted she could not control her behavior, and didn't understand why she was doing it.
AP was a controlling person, with hints of WW's clinically narcissist parent. He wrote a letter and entered her business after hours to leave it. Because he wrote an email saying he was doing this, I ill-advisedly went there to call the police on him. I didn't find him, but I did find the letter. He knew I had been there - either he had been outside or he went back after I left - and complained bitterly about my interference.
His only means of influence had dropped to emails, and he just kept pounding with the short, imperative statements that described outcomes favorable to him. He had started to convince her that I was a threat to her, and trying to convince her I was a threat to our children (for whom I'd die in fire every day).
His tactical error was trying to play up his inability to contact her as a screen for concern. He tried to get the cops to perform a wellness check. He called WW's sister to convince her I was a threat, and that WW was in danger. (She told him off.)
Finally, he threatened to show up at our door with friends and 'free' her. I knew he owned a shotgun; while I didn't actually think he would show up (he had made smaller-scale threats of this kind before and I only realized they had happened days after his 'deadlines'.) I shared this new development with WW. We had agreed to handle it together. However, while I was out one day, she went to her sister's and called him to tell him she was fine but to never call or contact anyone in our family again. It was a muted, brief exchange. I was angry she hadn't stuck to our agreement.
Since then, he's only made a handful of contact attempts soon after the break that really were more for insulting me. I believe on an intellectual level they have had no contact since last summer. I emotionally continue to not feel safe about her intentions.
Since then, it's been difficult. There have been very limited conversation coming from her outside of the MC sessions, and those have trended light on her content. Very recently, she's expressed more. But it's still seemingly grounded in some unhealthy premises. Amongst them:

1. She at one pointed expressed she regretted the pain she caused, but doesn't regret the experience because (I kid you not) 'she learned so much about herself' and 'many positive elements have come out of it'. (I lost 50 pounds in the first three months post-Dday, and lately I've been hovering around 70. I did have it to lose, having used food to soothe myself over the decade of gaslighting and lack of explanation for her disengagement, and unwillingness to work on it.)
2. She continues to resent my intrusion into her phone call history. She disagrees with the oft-raised best practice of open-phone/account policies. Her feelings around her lack of privacy unsettle her, and get in the way of engaging (she says).
3. she doesn't see the value in 'forcing closeness'
4. she keeps wanting me to 'ratchet it down a notch', but it's not clear what she thinks that means
5. she finds my sadness and pain to be an impediment to rebuilding closeness
6. She claims to have read content about rebuilding marriages after infidelity, but to my knowledge she's done hardly anything to rebuild trust. I said it'd be better if you hadn't read it, because to think that you're walking around having read it but still don't do anything feels worse.
7. She has not taken lead in the reconciliation process, or really done much except endure my periodic/every-2-weeks or so expressions of disappointment and hurt and anger

I'm sure no one has read this far. This is my dilemma. What I'm trying to do here is leave no stone unturned in my efforts to save our marriage. I want to sleep well at night, and I won't be able to do that in a healthy way without going through this.
Yesterday wa the first time she said that he was responsible for destroying my world and my brain, several times over, with the elaborate deceptions (as I'm prone to describing it). I welcomed it and thanked her. But it was only precipitated by a conflict we were having about a mistake I made, where I rubbed her face in my phone snooping by adding unflattering profile pictures to the blocked contacts for the AP. (If they're not there, he could still call her and leave a voicemail when she's on wifi.)
She has had low to middling chronic health issues since April of last year, following her second round with COVID. And if it's not her, it's her parents. Or my surviving parent. Or my brother almost dying. Or the DOL is threatening to reclassify all her contractors as employees. (They should.) Everything just magically seemed to be prioritized over her talking to me.
It's literally, literally been something every other week. She's always tired, always in pain, and I really try hard to stay empathic about it. To hold a space for her. I have taken care of her when she's ill all throughout this horrible time. And she's really appreciative of how well I've supported and cared for her with no promise or signs of reciprocation.
But she still won't have sex with me, and wont talk to me about why she flinches sometimes when I touch her. Or worse, she fakes interest and then I find out otherwise later. Clearly, we have trauma to work through from before the affair. She's not intentionally being cruel. I've expressed remorse over what little she has hinted at, and want to make amends. I love her so much. It's always been my intent to die married to her, and hold our family together.
But it's getting harder to hold onto that empathy. I'm just so tired of feeling hurt, of not having my needs met, and feeling so deeply disrespected in this low-contrition (but maybe trending up) context we're living through.
She seems to evoke a sense in me that everytime I am hurt or express anger, her willingness or energy resets to near zero. Which in and of itself is newly infuriating!
My dilemma is that part of my tenacity in this ridiculous situation that saints would have left three times over already is tied to the idea that by sticking with it and not making it 'easier' for her I'm upholding my self-respect.
But am i? Am I just punishing her by saying I can't let go of my pain until she demonstrates remorse and effort? Being married, a husband and a father of simple small family is a big part of my identity.
It all went to shit a long time ago, but I never checked out. I just didn't understand what was happening, how a wife could treat their partner this way, and I didn't have the maturity or the emotional language to navigate it alone. So I grew resentful and depressed, and just low-level angry all the time. While she would just smile, and say nothing. In public, she'd be affectionate.
In private, it'd be back turned and motionless to my hunger for connection (and release). I turned inward. She, a very social, community-building gem of a human being, checked out and switched to Potemkin mode whenever anyone was looking. I felt like I was constantly being gaslit. Even when I tried to talk about our problems, she'd act as if I had said nothing at all. It was the damnest thing, and I had no words for it.
Maybe she's starting to see the light and be empathic to my pain. But, if that's what's happening, I'm just running out of steam and hope. Hope isn't necessary for me to stay the course, but motivation is beginning to lag.
Any advice?

I really apologize for the length of this post. But writing down all the details took way longer than I thought. And this situation was downright crazy. I never thought my sister would do something like this. Not too long ago I (23m) posted in AITAH for advice because my parents and sister were angry at me for regularly eating in a hospital cafeteria because it's close to my work. I enjoy the peace and quiet there on the days I do show up to eat. But this situation escalated so radically, that I can't believe something so dumb actually happened. My sister did the pettiest thing she's ever done to me. And for completely undeserved reasons too.
When my sister found out I was eating at the hospital cafeteria, she went off on me over how that food is just for people who are at the hospital because they need to be. We ended up in a big argument about it in which I told her it wasn't like I was taking food from the mouths of patients. Then she went to our parents to get them on her side like always. And they immediately sided with her just like I thought they would. They backed her up on how the hospital cafeteria was not a place to go eating casually. And we had a big argument. They spent days hounding me and telling me I was wrong, and demanding I stop. So I went to Reddit. And here I learned that not only was I not doing anything wrong. But it's a very common thing for people to go eat at hospital cafeterias just because they like it.
I hoped the situation would just fade away. But a few days later, my sister called me asking if I had stopped eating at the hospital. I said no. And then it started all over again. My parents then called me fuming and acting like I was supposed to stop going because they said so. I reminded them that I don't live under their roof anymore. And this is exactly the kind of reason why I moved out. They take my sister's side in almost everything. They huffed and puffed about it.
This time the fight didn't stay at home though. Other relatives found out because my sister tried to broaden her support. She was so dead set on enforcing her will upon me, that she went looking for help from other relatives. But our parents were the only ones on her side. And my uncle personally admonished my parents and her over the phone for it once I told him what actually happened. He told them they were only siding with my sister because she's their favorite. And they're terrible parents for ever playing favorites to begin with. Then cousin went to eat with me at that hospital cafeteria, and said he'd like to go there once as week too, as he also works nearby and bicycles everywhere. We've run into each other at lunch there once already since then. He was actually rather pleased to find out the food was made healthier than most other places. He's a bit of a picky eater. So this place is kinda like his new lunch hangout. And my sister got even angrier after finding out there were other people in the family eating at the hospital now too.
Once outed, my parents backed down due to embarrassment. They apologized to me, and gave me some malarkey that they honestly thought eating at a hospital was weird, and that they felt like they just needed to defend my sister. I told them they'd been placating my sister for so long, that it's all they do whenever she starts something with anyone. She's been treating me like a condescending control freak and a bully since we were teenagers, even though I'm older. And they just kept enabling that. But I won't put up with it anymore. My parents ended up conceding, and apologized. Then they made my sister apologize to me too. And I could tell she hated every second of it, because she tried to speak through her teeth at first.
Later on my parents invited me to dinner as another form of apology. But it felt more like a show to look good to the rest of the family, because they told everyone about it before it even happened. The dinner was great, I can't deny. My parents had cooked a turkey. Arguable one of my favorite things to eat. I love the drumsticks slathered with gravy. Yeah, I'm kinda a pig when I eat them. But I can't help it. My sister always thought it hilarious. And was one of the few things I didn't mind her laughing about. So I thought nothing of why she was so giggly at dinner.
Later after the family dinner, I noticed that my bike was missing. I'd parked it in the back yard out of sight. But it was just gone. I freaked out because it's my only mode of transportation. My parents did panic a bit with me. But my sister seemed just the opposite. She actually looked happy and was still giggling. I immediately suspected her, and she played innocent. She even gave the "I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that!" line. I already knew she's extremely petty. But this was a whole new level of it for her. So I said that I was gonna go over to the neighbor because I know they have cameras, and they'd have seen what happened. And then I'd call the cops. My sister suddenly looked panicked, and I got mad and said I knew it was her. And demanded my bike back. She started crying and saying she didn't do anything. And our parents were immediately taking her side while scolding me for daring to accuse her.
So I had enough and said I was going to the neighbor's to ask to check their cameras. And then I'd be calling police. My sister finally fessed up and called me to come back. The looks on our parents' faces after they'd just defended her were priceless. My sister said she was just so angry at me for having made her apologize for something she still believed she was right about. So she planned to have a couple of her friends to come and grab my bike during dinner. She said her friends were in a minivan with it just down the street. She then started saying that I couldn't call police on her anyway, because I'm her big brother. Our parents backed that up too. But I pulled out my phone and started marching outside again. They ran after me with my sister begging and crying for me to stop. I called her a brat. And then I told my parents I couldn't believe they were still defending her when she was acting this way.
Our parents finally hit their enabling limit with her and told her to make her friends bring my bike back immediately. She got on her phone while sniffling and called her friends up. But then she suddenly ran into her room to talk to them. I couldn't hear a thing she said through the door because it was all in whispers. And our parents looked very worried too.
My sister would never have willingly admitted she had my bike stolen. She just kept sobbing that it was only a prank over and over again. And she also kept using the excuse that it's just a cheap bike anyway. I bought it used some months ago for $50. But it's in great shape. And it's my main mode of transportation. My sister kept looking at our parents to back her up. And that time they just couldn't. So she just slumped down in a chair hugging her knees and waiting with the rest of us. My sister looked increasingly freaked out the longer her friends took to bring my bike back, and was repeatedly texting them.
Even though my sister said her friends were just down the street, it took them roughly an hour to bring my bike back. They finally pulled up in the minivan with my bike shoved in the back. And it was completely soaked and all muddy. Like it'd just been pulled out of a wet muddy ditch. The bike is a 700c, so it's too tall for either of them to ride. So they just drove right up and stole the bike by dragging it into the van as fast as they could before taking off. I say they stole it because I was almost certain in the moment my sister had told them to dispose of my bike. Had I not pointed out the neighbors have cameras, I may not have gotten it back.
When her friends did finally arrive, their legs were all muddy and wet nearly up to their knees. They both begged me not report them to police for taking the bike. I asked while recording them to tell me the truth, and pointed out the neighbors have cameras. Did my sister want them to get rid of my bike? They broke down and said yes, my sister wanted them to take the bike and dump it in a pond a few miles away. And they had to go back and get it when they realized they were caught. My bike had been near completely submerged in muddy water. Thankfully I didn't have many added accessories on it other than a detachable headlight and my water bottle. But the water bottle was missing.
I wasn't surprised by what my sister's friends told me. And I had them tell our parents too. They laid into my sister till she was bawling on the floor kicking and pounding like a toddler. I had never seen my sister act that way since she actually was a toddler. And I found it mortifying she was still like this on the inside. Then she shut herself in her room. Her friends were banned from ever coming to my parents' house again. Then my sister was forced to come out of her room by our mother, and make another big apology to me.
Our father then forced her to wash and oil my bike from stem to stern under his supervision while I took apart the headlight and cleaned it out to dry it. By the time my sister was done, it was dark outside. She glared at me like I was the devil when she came back in the house. But our parents shut her attitude right down, and said they've never been more embarrassed by her in their lives. She went back to crying in her room. I had a very frank discussion with my parents about my sister's child-like behavior. And how it stemmed from their spoiling and enabling. I said I couldn't believe I had to be the voice of reason. But the fact that she was on the floor crying like a toddler, kicking and pounding, showed that she's still mentally a child because of them. And they kept making me the scapegoat when she screwed up, so she barely knows any sense of accountability. For once they didn't argue with me about it. And then my father silently drove me and my bike back to my apartment with his SUV. He also gave me some money to replace my bike's missing water bottle before we parted.
My sister and her clique used to harass me a fair bit whenever we ran into each other. They made fun of me as a group whenever possible. And I usually just ignored them because they bored me. And that really seemed to tick them off. But after the bike incident, I got sent numerous messages from numbers I didn't know cussing me out for making my sister cry over a silly prank. Knowing her, my sister probably fed everyone she knew a very different story on what happened. I texted lengthy replies of what actually happened, and even stated I have recordings of her friends admitting the truth.
Some people at my sister's college found out what actually went down. Maybe from my texts, maybe her friends spilled the beans. But it embarrassed my sister so much she came home having a crying tantrum about how people there were calling her and her friends B's and a bike thieves. I may not have gone to college. But I know students who need them are VERY protective of their bikes. A lot of them live on shoestring budgets after all. My sister said someone even joked that they shouldn't leave a bike around her, because it might just disappear if she had to apologize to anyone. My sister ended up so upset that she refused to leave her room for three days to have her pity party.
My parents called me up to try and turn everything on me again. I reminded them about the discussion we had days before, and that they needed to stop babying her, and let her deal with the repercussions of her own actions. If she fails her classes again, it's because she's not trying like she should be. Then I went off on them how were just looking for someone to blame to make her feel better. She made the problem. Not me. And I wasn't gonna be the one they make the scapegoat anymore. My sister is an adult. And she needs to act like it. They sounded defeated, and then apologized before ending the call. Looks like they were genuinely hoping I'd just sit back and take the blame so my sister would get better. But I never will again.
Now my parents are trying to pretend this all never happened, and my sister as well as her clique are avoiding me at all costs. Which I suppose is fine with me. Because I don't want anymore drama. But the next time something like this happens, I won't take it from them.
TLDR: My sister make a big deal of me eating at a hospital cafeteria, and then had her friends steal and dump my bike just because I made her apologize to me. Now she's being ridiculed by everyone.

New Features and enhancements
New AI-enhanced tools join Smart Tempo and the Pitch Correction plug-in to augment your artistry.
Bass Player and Keyboard Player join Drummer to complete a set of Session Players — all built with AI making it easy to create performances that respond to your direction.
Session Players can follow the same chord progression using Global chord track.
Add warmth to any track with ChromaGlow, an advanced plug-in with five saturation models designed to simulate the sound of vintage analog hardware.*
Separate a stereo audio file into stems for vocals, drums, bass and other parts with Stem Splitter.*
Session Players, ChromaGlow, and Stem Splitter also come to Logic Pro for iPad 2 — making it simple to move between projects created in Logic Pro for Mac.
Play any of six deeply-sampled acoustic and electric basses with Studio Bass.
Perform any of three meticulously-sampled pianos with Studio Piano.
Loops that contain chord tags will automatically populate the chord track when added to a project.
Three new Producer Packs are available: Hardwell, The Kount, and Cory Wong.
Original multi-track project of Swing! by Ellie Dixon available as in-app demo song.
Downmix and trim options allow custom mixing for non-Atmos channel configurations.
Exported ADM BWF files have been expanded beyond Dolby Atmos and can contain settings for stereo and other multi-channel formats.
Bounce in place adds automatic real-time recording for External Instrument regions or tracks that utilize external hardware using the Logic Pro I/O plug-in.
Route MIDI signals generated by supported software instruments and effects to the input of other tracks for creative layering during playback or recording.
Edit more efficiently using key commands for moving, extending, or resizing marquee selections.
The Nudge Region/Event Position key commands now also nudge Marquee selections.
The Transpose Region/Event key commands now also move or expand the Marquee selection up/down.
Pattern regions can now be created on Drummer tracks, and Drummer regions can be converted to Pattern regions.
New key commands include Trim Note End to Following Notes (Force Legato) With Overlap and Trim Note End to Selected (Force Legato) With Overlap.
Bounce in Place and Track Freeze can now be performed in real time, allowing for use of external instruments, I/O plug-ins, and external inserts.
Mastering Assistant analysis now can be performed in real time, allowing for use in projects that incorporate external I/O or instruments.
The Dolby Atmos plug-in now offers Downmix and Surround/Height Trim controls.
The Recent Projects list can now be configured to show up to 50 projects.
* Requires a Mac with Apple silicon.
Stability and reliability
Scripts with 1071 characters or more in Scripter no longer cause Logic Pro to quit unexpectedly.
Fixes an issue where creating a an event in a lane assigned to Note off in Step Sequencer could cause Logic Pro to quit unexpectedly.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could fail to launch with an Error Initializing Core MIDI message when the system is under heavy load performing other tasks.
Resolves an issue where Logic Pro could quit unexpectedly when a 64-bit floating point IR file is loaded into Space Designer.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could hang when opening a project while the Project Settings > MIDI window is displayed.
Logic Pro no longer quits unexpectedly when creating multiple Aux tracks with multiple existing Aux tracks selected.
Improves stability when bypassing control surfaces with Musical Typing open when EuControl software is installed.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could hang when quitting a project containing a large number of instances of Sampler.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could quit unexpectedly when replacing a playing Live Loops cell with another loop.
Performance
The UI is now more responsive when adjusting Flex Pitches directly on regions in Deviation mode.
Performance is improved when editing Transient Markers in Take regions with Flex enabled.
Performance is improved when making Flex Pitch edits in the Tracks area with a large number of selected regions.
Alchemy's Performance is improved.
Performance is improved when moving regions in projects with a large number of tracks and regions.
Projects containing a large number of flex-pitched regions now open more quickly.
Resolves an issue where loading a project saved with a Summing stack selected that contains Software Instruments that have no regions and/or with the tracks turned off could load the Software Instruments into memory.
Accessibility
VoiceOver now announces the state of Automation mode buttons on channel strips.
VoiceOver now announces the status of the Pause button in the LCD.
VoiceOver no longer announces hidden controls in the Smart Controls view.
VoiceOver no longer reads the values of pan knobs that are currently hidden in Sends on Faders mode.
VoiceOver now announces the state of the Details button and the Follow button in the Drummer Editor.
VoiceOver now announces left-click and Command-click Tool selections in the Control Bar.
VoiceOver now announces the name of the Time Quantize button in the Piano Roll.
VoiceOver now announces changes in value when the Next/Previous key commands are used to change Quantize values.
VoiceOver now announces state of key commands for Cycle, Mute, Track Solo, Input Monitoring, Track On/Off, and Lock/Unlock Track.
VoiceOver now announces the selection state of focused tracks.
Spatial Audio
Fixes an issue where adding a new 3D Object track for the first time to a Spatial Audio project could cause the Renderer to switch from the current model to the Apple renderer.
The Dolby Atmos plug-in now offers a 5.1.2 monitoring option.
Fixes an issue where setting a project to Dolby Atmos could output to 7.1.4 even when the mode defaults to Apple Renderer.
It is now possible to monitor Dolby Atmos projects directly via HDMI to a surround capable receiveamplifier.
The metering for Height channels now shows as post-fader on the Master channel as expected.
Loading a Master Bus channel strip setting in the 7.1.4 channel format now preserves the 7.1.4 channel layout as expected.
Session Players
Resolves an issue where loading a user-created Drum Machine Designer patch could set the input to a bus and fail to load the Drum Machine Designer instrument.
Using the Create Drummer Region command in a Marquee selection now creates a region that corresponds to the Marquee.
Smart Tempo
In cases where there is not an existing Smart Tempo Multitrack Set, selecting an audio file in the Smart Tempo Multitrack Set window and disabling the “Contribute to analysis” check box now causes the Update button to change to Analyze as expected.
Pressing the Space bar now immediately stops a Free Tempo recording.
Fixes an issue where projects previously open in the same Logic Pro session could unexpectedly affect “Contribute to Analysis” in the Smart Tempo editor.
Recording
Audio regions recorded to unnamed tracks now include the project name and track number in their name.
Mixer
The channel strip Stereo Pan control and the Pan menu now can be adjusted when Caps Lock is enabled.
Creating a single Multi-timbral Software Instrument in the New Track Sheet no longer creates two Software Instrument instances in the All view of the Mixer.
Resolves an issue where remaining tracks in a Multitimbral Software Instrument Track Stack could unexpectedly rename the channel strip.
Adjusting the activity status of a speaker in the Surround panner no longer causes the signal to unexpectedly mute.
Groups now immediately show as inactive when switched off for a selected set of channels in the Mixer.
Metering now correctly works on individual channel strips with plug-ins that send to more than two channels and are routed to a surround bus.
Option-clicking on a send in a selected group of channel strips now sets all corresponding sends to 0 dB as expected.
Fixes an issue where performing Undo after adjusting the fader values of grouped channels with Group Clutch enabled and then disabled could cause the faders to jump up to +6 dB when one member of the group is touched.
Setting multiple selected channels to No VCA now works as expected
Alchemy
The oscillator section in Alchemy offers a new Wide Unison mode.
All controls for Additive Effects now accept typed-in values as expected.
Values typed into parameters related to milliseconds (MS) in Acoustic Reverb are no longer interpreted as full seconds.
Resolves an issue where performance control destinations for modulation could show as duplicated.
Sampler, Quick Sampler, and Quick Alchemy
The Playback direction button in Quick Sampler now immediately updates when clicked.
The view now scrolls correctly when dragging the Trim marker in Sample Alchemy.
It is now possible to adjust the level of a group in Sampler up to +24 dB.
The Up/Down buttons for navigating zones in Sampler now remain available after adjusting the start or end positions of samples.
The general Zoom/Scroll key commands now can be used to trim the current view in Sample Alchemy.
Handles and Trim Handles in Sample Alchemy behave correctly when click-dragged, even when the plug-in window does not have focus.
The Ancient Vocal Chop and Baily Glide plug-in settings for Quick Sampler now open in Classic mode, as expected.
Plug-ins
The MIDI Scripter plug-in now shows in Logic Pro when running in dark mode.
Fixes an issue where clicking on Sampled IR in Space Designer could activate Synthesized IR mode unexpectedly.
Resolves an issue where repositioning the playhead could cause audio to cut out on channel strips that use Step FX.
The preset Note Repeater in Scripter now works as expected.
The wet/dry setting on Ringshifter is now always set to 100% wet when inserted on an Aux.
There's now a DI Delay Compensation switch in Bass Amp Designer to improve phase correlation when blending between Amp and Direct Box in the plug-in.
StepFX now includes presets using Sidechain.
The Beat Breaker preset called “Basic / 2 Slices, Speed 66%” no longer plays the slices at 50% speed instead of 66%.
Resolves an issue where ES2 could produce glitching sounds when using Sine Level or Poly Voice mode on Apple Silicon computers.
Mono > Stereo instances of Console EQ no longer can cause unexpected feedback.
Using the Delete all Automation key command while an Audio Unit window has key focus no longer causes the Audio Unit window to go blank.
The menu for the compression section of Phat FX can now be opened by clicking on the Up/Down arrows.
Beat Breaker now offers new default patterns divided evenly into 2, 4, 8, 16, and 32 slices.
Mastering Assistant
There is no longer unexpected latency with bounces from projects that use the Clean or Clean + Excite mode in Mastering Assistant.
Mastering Assistant analysis is no longer incorrectly triggered in projects that contain no regions, but are previewing audio from Ultrabeat, etc.
Mastering Assistant no longer allows the -1 dBFS peak limit to be exceeded in certain cases.
Automation
The Consolidate Relative and Absolute for Visible / Automation menu item now only displays when automation types that support relative automation are active in the lane.
Region-based Automation is now pasted as Track-based Automation when pasted to an area of a track that does not contain regions.
Pitchbend now works as expected with zones in Sampler that do not have Flex Pitch enabled.
Selecting Region-based automation points on a region now deselects previously selected automation points on other regions
Disabling Region-Based Automation no longer dims the Power button for MIDI CC data lanes in the Piano Roll.
The movie window now updates to show the correct frame when moving Region-based automation points.
The Autoselect automation parameter now works as expected when clicking any plug-in control.
Automation of the Gain plug-in no longer exhibits unexpected latency.
Region-based automation is now drawn correctly when recorded into projects that start earlier than 1 1 1 1.
Automation lane views for all tracks are now maintained when switching into Flex view and then back to Automation view.
Flex Time and Flex Pitch
Flex Pitched notes now play as expected when clicked while Record or Input Monitoring is active on the track.
Flexed audio tracks using Monophonic or Slicing mode no longer produce clicks at tempo changes.
Takes and comping
Fade-ins are now applied when flatten and merge is performed on Comps.
Renaming a take that encompasses the entire length of an audio file no longer unexpectedly changes the file name.
Comps in Take Folders are now preserved when performing Cut Section Between Locators on a section that includes the end of one Take folder and the beginning of another, with a gap in-between.
Track Stacks
Record-arming a Track Stack now arms grouped audio tracks in a Track Stack it contains.
Dragging a subtrack out of a Track Stack that is assigned to a VCA now removes the assignment for the subtrack.
Fixes an issue where Track Stacks could sometimes be dimmed when some, but not all, subtracks are muted or off.
It's now possible to replace stacked instrument patches that are inside a Summing Stack with single track patches.
Track Alternatives
Loading a patch on a Summing Stack containing sub-tracks with Track Alternatives no longer causes inactive alternatives to be deleted.
Track Alternatives can now be created for the Stereo Output track.
Selection-Based Processing
Using Selection-Based Processing on a Marquee selected section within a Take Folder no longer creates an unexpected comp.
Selection-Based Processing on a comp now retains the comp.
Score
The spacing of notes is improved in cases where there is a dotted note on a line with the stem is pointing upward.
Command + Z to undo now works after deleting a Score Set.
Upward bends in TAB staves now display correctly.
Importing an instrument track no longer can cause Score Sets in the current project to disappear.
Imported Score Sets can now be deleted from a project.
Live Loops
“Join Region and Fill Cell” now works as expected.
Recording a performance in Live Loops now temporarily puts all tracks into Automation: Latch mode.
Fixes an issue where changing patches for a Live Loop track could cause the length of cells to change unexpectedly.
It's now possible to paste MIDI notes into a Live Loops cell.
Step Sequencer
It's now easier to use the disclosure triangle to open sub-rows in Step Sequencer.
Pattern regions now play back correctly immediately after being nudged.
Pattern Regions now immediately play as expected after using the Slip/Rotate tool to drag their contents to the left.
The “Separate pattern region by kit piece” command on Drum Machine Designer tracks is now applied to the correct area of the Pattern Region, in cases where the left border of the region has been moved to the right.
The length and number of steps of a newly created Pattern Region accounts for Time Signature changes correctly.
The maximum possible pattern length of a Pattern region is now 4 bars of the current time signature.
Step Sequencer now allows pattern lengths to be added based on 5/4 and 7/8 time signatures.
The Step Sequencer Inc/Dec controls now work in Loop Edit mode.
Fixes an issue where Pattern Regions on frozen tracks be edited unexpectedly.
Region-based automation now displays properly on Pattern regions in tracks that have been partially frozen, and on regions that have been frozen and then unfrozen.
It's now possible to assign MIDI channels per step in a Pattern Region.
MIDI
Reset messages for Software Instruments now work correctly.
Sustain messages are now sent correctly when playing back regions with Clip Length enabled in cycle mode.
There is now an “Internal MIDI in” setting in the Track Inspector to allow for recording MIDI from any other software instrument or External MIDI Instrument track.
The “Send all MIDI settings” key command now sends program changes to external devices assigned to empty tracks.
Resolves an issue where 3 bytes of random MIDI data would be sent when playing back regions containing SysEx data with MIDI 2.0 disabled
New 'internal MIDI in' feature allows recording of MIDI from other tracks, including MIDI FX plug-in output and 3rd party MIDI generators.
The “Delete MIDI events outside region boundaries" key command now correctly creates a starting CC event in the region to match the last matching CC of the same type in the track.
Fixes an issue where Chase could cut off notes that are preceded by notes of the same pitch on tracks with third-party instrument plug-ins.
Editing
The Humanize transform set now works as expected when the Randomize functions for Position, Length, or Velocity are set to very small values.
The menu item Delete and Move in the Event List is now only displayed if regions are displayed in the window.
When MIDI 2.0 is selected in the Settings, clicking on an Event in the Event List no longer plays events back with MIDI 1.0 resolution.
Fixes an issue where using the Cut command in the Audio Track Editor could switch the view to another editor.
When a region in the Project Audio window is double-clicked, the Audio Track editor now opens as expected.
The content link buttons for the Piano Roll and Score show the correct color as expected when toggled using the mouse.
The Event List correctly updates to reflect changes made by using key commands to select notes in other editors.
Resolves an issue where the Velocity tool in the Piano roll could affect the values of non-note events.
Fixes an issue where applying the Transform set Double Speed could cause the notes to disappear from the Piano Roll.
Step Input
Extending the length of note entered using Step Input now works correctly.
Global Tracks
Adding multiple audio Apple Loops of the same key to different tracks of a new project now changes the project key as expected.
Clicked in Tempo points are now placed at their correct positions in projects that start earlier than 1 1 1 1.
Share and export
When No Overlap is enabled, regions bounced onto existing regions no longer overlap them.
Audio files bounced from Logic Pro now include the proper Encoded Date in the metadata.
Fixes an issue where MIDI regions could be truncated when bounced in place.
Fixes an issue where audio files including Volume/Pan automation exported from mono tracks that use plug-ins could export as stereo files.
It is now possible to bounce sub-channels of multitimbral instrument tracks as individual files.
Import
Resolves an issue when dragging multiple audio files into a project, choosing the “Place all files on one track” option could create a second track and places the first file on one track, and the rest on the second.
Output channels in the Mixer can now be imported from other Logic Pro projects.
Apple Loops
The Loops browser now correctly shows the same enharmonic key an Apple Loop was tagged with.
Apple Loops now preview using the Key Signature active at the current position of the playhead.
It's now possible to add Aliases to bookmarks and untagged loops.
Dragging an Apple Loop from the loop browser to an existing track no longer changes the input for the track.
Fixes an issue where MIDI Apple Loops could jump to the start of the nearest bar position when dragged from the Loop Browser to the middle of a bar.
Video Support
A secondary screen that is running a full screen video with Show Animations off will no longer remain black after closing the project.
Key Commands
The “Increase (or Decrease) last clicked parameter” key commands now work for controls in the LCD.
The “Record off for all” key command now works on Software Instrument tracks in cases where one or more audio tracks are also record-enabled.
There is now a key command to add to the current selection of regions or cells that are assigned to a toggle solo group.
The Zoom Toggle key command now works in the Step Editor.
Compatibility
GarageBand projects that use Pitch Correction now sound the same when opened in Logic Pro.
Undo
If Undo is used immediately after creating a project, the New Track Sheet is displayed as expected rather than leaving a project with no tracks.
Undo/Redo now works as expected with Audio Unit v3 plug-ins.
Changing the Automation Mode, or changing a Track On/Off state now creates an Undo step.
Performing Undo after adding a surround track no longer corrects Drummer tracks in the project.
Logic Remote
Logic Remote immediately updates to show time and signature changes made in Logic Pro.
Control Surfaces and MIDI controllers
Controls on Control Surface devices that use Lua scripts now provide feedback when learning assignments for them in Logic Pro.
Illuminated buttons on control surfaces now show the correct state for Show/Hide Track Editor.
General
The LCD now displays the Cycle start and end times in both SMPTE time and Bars/Beats when the secondary ruler is displayed.
Search in the All Files browser now finds matching items in bookmarked folders.
Fixes an issue where the visible editor in the Main window could unexpectedly switch when rubber-band selecting regions.
Audio Take folders created in Cycle mode now loop as expected after recording when Loop is enabled in the Region Inspector.
It's now possible to create external MIDI tracks when Core Audio is disabled in Logic Pro.
Resolves an issue where deleting a Flex marker from an audio region while a Marker List is visible could switch the key focus to the Marker List.
Track information pasted into a text editor now includes the TIME position when the Use Musical Grid setting for the project is not enabled.
Input monitoring buttons are now displayed on audio tracks when Logic Pro has fallen back to an alternate audio device because the selected device is not available.
Previewing an audio region in the Project Audio window no longer causes it to jump to the top of the window.
Command+Option clicking on the On/Off button of a track now toggles the button for all tracks, as expected.
Copy/paste of regions now works when Automation view is enabled.
Right-clicking on a looped segment of a region now opens the contextual menu as expected.
It's now easier to see when black keys are depressed in the Musical Typing window.
The right arrow key now reliably moves the text cursor in the Bounce > Save As file name panel.
Groove Templates created from audio regions now work in Smart Quantize mode.
Dragging multiple regions from the same audio file from the Project Audio browser to the Tracks area now works correctly.
Audio regions are no longer moved to unexpected positions when trimming, if absolute Snap mode is on, and the region anchor is moved away from the start of the region
Fixes an issue where pasting a Marquee selection with No Overlap and Snap Edits to Zero Crossings mode enabled could delete a non-overlapping part of an existing region.
Autozoom now triggers when a region's upper right corner is dragged in the Main window, or the Audio Track Editor.
The Playhead no longer may briefly appear to be in the wrong position when zooming horizontally.
The Time Ruler now immediately updates to reflect changes made to the “Bar Position [bar position] plays at SMPTE” setting.
The File browser correctly shows the full path when using Save As.

Sauce: https://ca.finance.yahoo.com/news/roaring-kitty-back-meme-stocks-125356655.html
Roaring Kitty is back and so are meme stocks. GameStop and AMC surge like it's 2021 The Canadian Press Mon, May 13, 2024 at 11:12 a.m. PDT·4 min read
The man at the center of the pandemic meme stock craze appeared online for the first time in three years, sending the prices of thee quirky and volatile shares sharply higher Monday.
Keith Gill, better known as “Roaring Kitty,” posted an image Sunday on the social platform X of a man sitting forward in his chair, a meme used by gamers when things are getting serious.
He followed that tweet with a YouTube video from years before when he championed the beleaguered company GameStop saying, “That’s all for now cuz I’m out of breath. FYI here’s a quick 4min video I put together to summarize the $GME bull case.”
ADVERTISEMENT
GameStop in 2021 was a video game retailer that was struggling to survive as consumers switched rapidly from discs to digital downloads. Big Wall Street hedge funds and major investors were betting against it, or shorting its stock, believing that its shares would continue on a drastically downward trend.
Gill and those who agreed with him changed the trajectory of a company that appeared to headed for bankruptcy by buying up thousands of GameStop shares in the face of almost any accepted metrics that told investors that the company was in serious trouble.
That began what is known as a “short squeeze,” when those big investors that had bet against GameStop were forced to buy its rapidly rising stock to offset their massive losses.
At Monday's opening bell it appeared that Gill had reignited the phenomenon as shares of GameStop more than doubled. At midday, shares were trading 60% higher. It's the biggest intraday trading jump for GameStop since the meme craze of early 2021. Other meme stocks like the theater chain AMC were jolted higher as well.
Trading in GameStop was halted eight times before noon on Monday due to volatility.
Gill became a cause célèbre in 2021 after his posts on the Reddit subcategory Wallstreetbets ignited a David vs. Goliath battle with large hedge funds that were betting heavily against the survival of GameStop.
The small guys won, at least for a while, driving shares of GameStop up more than 1,000% in 2021 and other meme stocks as well. The struggling movie theater chain AMC jumped 2,300% in a very short span of time in the same year.
Some big traders posted collosal losses as GameStop raced from less than $20, to close to $400 each. Citron Research, Melvin Capital and other well-known hedge funds lost an estimated $5 billion, according to analytics firm S3 Partners.
Some of those new and smaller investors believed, at least in part, that Ryan Cohen, co-founder of Chewy.com, could push the traditional retailer in a more online direction. Cohen built up a stake in GameStop before eventually joining the board and last year becoming its CEO.
Joining the meme surge Monday was AMC Entertainment Holdings Inc., which leapt 33%. Koss Co. a headphone manufacturer, spiked 25% and BlackBerry, the one time dominant smartphone maker, rose 7%. The retailer Bed, Bath & Beyond, another meme stock, sought bankruptcy protection last year.
Some meme stocks, including GameStop and AMC, had been climbing earlier this month, and rapidly.
Shares of GameStop Corp., which have faded steadily since 2021, had already risen 57% this month. In January, GameStop reported its first annual profit since 2018, although it’s still unclear if Cohen’s turnaround plan will succeed.
AMC Entertainment Holdings Inc., had risen 10% over the past 30 days.
Those companies broke out Monday following Gill's tweet.
The dynamics of the market as far as companies like GameStop are concerned have changed, however.
When Gill and an online army of retail investors began buying up shares of GameStop, more than 140% of the company's tradeable shares were being shorted. You arrive at that distorted number because some traders were borrowing against already shorted stocks to build even bigger bets against the company, vastly increasing their losses when the stock began to climb.
The short positions against GameStop's tradable shares now stand just over 24%, slightly more than the 22.5% recorded in January.
Gill reaped a big profit investing in a troubled video-game company, but denied when he appeared virtually at a Congressional hearing that he used social media to drive up GameStop's stock price.
He told lawmakers at the time simply, “I like the stock.”
As Roaring Kitty, Gill had vanished from messaging boards after posting a video in June 2021 of kittens going to sleep.
The story of Roaring Kitty and the meme stock craze was turned into a movie last year called “Dumb Money.”
Associated Press, The Associated Press

After reading just the title of that post about running a long chronicle in this system (before I read the actual post and realized it was just about moving from D&D and not getting at the inherent limit on how long a personal horror game where “and then it got worse” is the basic theme can go on before becoming unplayably grim or subverting itself into some sort of superhero-esque shape to keep going) I thought about how I would set up as story in broad strokes to go on for a good long game in V5 while preserving the grimness, the personal/political horror, and the actual playability for the maximum duration.
The central goals I set myself for the arc to satisfy were as follows:

1. The game had to be able to run consistently for a long time with the same characters with minimal chance of the circumstances getting bad enough to make it basically impossible for the characters to do anything and not requiring any character deaths without their being wildly unlucky or wilfully stupid.
   
2. The game had to be able to cope with introduction of new characters to allow players to change characters if they really want to or feel they can’t play that character anymore for personal reasons.
   
3. The game had to avoid the player characters escaping the fact of their vampirism and monstrous parasitism.
   
4. The game had to preserve the personal and political aspects of the horror without being excessively browbeating or gentle enough to ignore for long, to avoid being superfriendsy or a caricature.
   

And the problems in usual set ups that I identified for this were:
• starting with the impression of having nothing or very little, on the bottom, makes rebellion feel entirely justified like they have nothing to lose. This allows self justification and ignoring the horror of being an inherently exploitative monster seeking to escape all external regulation.
• if you have a vampire who is trying to do good against the weight of an Evil Institution, that tries to foil them at every turn, then they will be an antihero or they will be crushed by the Institution.
• if things get too bleak and the characters are stuck, the game is unplayable without deus ex machina intervention.
From this, I arrived at the following general outline, a specific story for which I lack the ability and time to create and run, so I put it here for y’all to use (these numbers are not session numbers):

1. For parameters for the player character creation for the story require that the characters A) be involved with the same faction (the Camarilla works, though a strong Anarch Barony that has taken and held a Free City is potentially better), B) have at least one mortal touchstone, C) have some kind of privileged position in the faction (either as a coterie collectively, like a grand purpose, or each individually, such as good status, good connections, etc, or a mix). The starting in a privileged position with things they care about is important.
   
2. The players start in a position of privilege, with rivals and obstacles, but the power is largely more on their side than not.
   
3. They achieve goals that feel righteous, but also are gradually confronted with the horrific side of the system that grants them their privileges and come to the realization that achieving anything within or through that system will involve those horrors. Bonus if they get the impression that some of the people who have been the most helpful and positive for them actively want those horrors to be propagated.
   
4. They are turned against the system that privileged them and supported them, using their privileges and contacts to work to overthrow it (this is why a Barony that has come to strongly resemble the Camarilla is potentially best) and gain liberty and the ability to do good without the system perverting it.
   
5. They succeed, with difficulty, and manage to overthrow the system, destroying the old monsters who supported it and preserved it. This should feel like it was a bit of an uphill battle, with points about “you don’t understand, it was necessary” and “we only did what we had to, and sure, maybe I even enjoyed it, doesn’t mean it didn’t have to be done” and so on having been made to their faces by the perpetrators of the worst atrocities.
   
6. They begin trying to achieve good things and improve the city, and have some success (really emphasize the horrific side of feeding and the vampiric parasites angle here, if you haven’t focussed on it as much).
   
7. Their actions and successes at achieving positive change and failures in covering things up as brutally and thoroughly as the old system draws in some attention from hunters, not quite full second inquisition, but hunters who begin by killing an ally. The hunters are also revealed to be doing some serious political/social good in the community (if the players choose not to kill the hunters, distancing themselves, they will be assassinated for this by some other faction in the WoD like Pentex, the Technocrats, the CIA, etc).
   
8. After the hunters, either recycle 5 and 6 until they begin having to exert control and limit Masquerade breaches and leaks or they make a big enough splash to draw in the Second Inquisition more fully. If they begin controlling, go with option a, if they make a splash go with option b.
   

8a. They realize their actions are beginning to recreate the system they destroyed and are effectively rebuilding, and this allows you to keep the story going as you explore the horror of having become the power and knowing why it exists and eventually ending it with a confrontation with a new batch of neonate idealists, bonus if they were the protégés of the coterie or otherwise are people the coterie helped privilege and support.
8b. The Camarilla step in and offer to help and to manage the problems, offering them positions and support and effectively bringing them into the system. If they started Camarilla, the new Camarilla guys can disparage the previous administration, and if they were Anarchs they can claim the Cam is better at reduced mess and really cares about people’s safety and the health of the community (without a healthy stock of humans, how’s a vampire to feed properly?). If they accept, they become part of the system, see 9a. If they reject the Cam and fight the SI, the Camarilla will keep offering help until they are accepted or badly enough rejected to create a problem or the situation escalates badly. If they are accepted, see 9a, if they are made enemies of in a significant and meaningful way, see 9b. If things go wildly badly for the characters, see 9c.
9a. They become part of the Camarilla and are faced with more atrocities and their complicity in them, and this can be taken quite far as a grinding down of Humanity. It’s a long term endgame.
9b. The Camarilla brings up new support and the institution destroys the PCs because they overplayed their hand.
9c. The Second Inquisition destroys the PCs and the Camarilla moves in about 20 years later after the heat fades.
Thematically this deals with privilege, exploitation, the weight of institutions, the fact that systems exist for a reason and are never cruel without a purpose (even if they can be excessive or have bad purposes and bad reasons, like maintaining the existence of vampiric monsters), and the horrors of revolution that fails to fix the root and so simply grows anew the same atrocities as before (in this case, the root is that vampires A) prey on humans and B) have the Beast constantly pushing them to be Worse).

I only just finished watching S1E2 "The Devil's Chord" mere minutes before posting this, but I think I already have a pretty solid idea regarding the identity of these characters and the role they will play in the overall narrative of the season at large.
For starters, I'd like to bring attention to the extremely unusual (and likely divisive) ending musical sequence that closed out this episode. More specifically, the subject matter of the song and The Doctor's fourth wall breaking behavior in particular are the details that makes this scene so important in understanding who how these characters might be connected and what their purpose may be in the context of the show.
The takeaway message of this scene (and the subject of the musical) that is conveyed to Ruby by The Doctor is that all of their perilous adventures through time and space "always end with a twist." Within the context of the scene itself, this statement and subsequent song it inspired appears at face value to be a simple boast of optimism from The Doctor to comfort Ruby and reassure her that even in their bleakest moments, The Doctor will always find a way to turn their situation around into something good. However, when this sequence is framed within the context of the show itself as a message being conveyed from the show runners to the audience rather than it's characters, it takes on a COMPLETELY different meaning.
If we interpret the meaning of this song literally, then the lyrics tell us plainly that the plot of every Doctor Who episode is written with a twist at the end that changes the outcome of the story. However, if this song is truly directed towards the audience, then there is additional context we can consider that only the audience would know. For example, fans who keep up with news relating to the show know that there is a character named Susan Twist who first appeared in the most recent Doctor Who Holiday Special and was most memorable for breaking the fourth wall during the final scene of the episode. Furthermore, we also know that this character is not only returning, but will be a reoccurring background character thoughout the new season with Russel T Davis hinting in interviews that the secret this character holds and the overall role this character will play in the story of Doctor Who when they are eventually introduced as a primary plot point will be far more impactful than we otherwise might have thought. As such, we know that this character is designed to be more than just a cheeky easter egg and that the mystery behind this character should be taken seriously, meaning the scenes in which she breaks the fourth wall have big implications on what this character is capable of within the upcoming story.
With this context in mind, the song lyrics take on an addictional meaning, implying that if every Doctor Who adventure ends with a twist, then perhaps at the end of the shows current story arc (which seems to be building up to a confrontation with The One Who Waits), the "twist at the end" that will appear may be referring quite literally to Susan Twist making herself known during the climax of the story and turning the tides in The Doctor's favor, standing in opposition to The One Who Waits.
Under the assumption that Susan's fourth wall breaks and reoccurring episode cameos are to be taken seriously within the cannon of the show as a means of legitimizing the intrigue surrounding her mysterious presence and the powers she might possess, then it is not unreasonable to assume that her existence throughout time and reality defying capabilities function similarly if not exactly like the other members of the Toy Maker's Pantheon. Much like Susan's perpetual appearance in the background of each episode of Doctor Who since the Toy Maker's defeat regardless of which time period they are in (with no indication of the passing of time besides changing costumes between each appearance), both The Toy Maker and Maestro similarly demonstrated that their existence and reality warping capabilities were also unaffected by the typical passage of time, which they have demonstrated through the continuous interactions they have with The Doctor (only changing costumes between appearances) as he bounces between the future and the past. Furthermore, we also know that their names are representative to the thesis of their existence in some way or another, with The Toy Maker representing play and Maestro representing music, perhaps "Twist" is representative of story telling. The concept of stories could be argued to be as equally intrinsic to the experience of life in the universe as the concepts of play and music, so it's not an unreasonable assumption.
Finally, the influence of The Toy Maker and Maestro which allowed for the manipulation/subversion over the laws of reality was not exclusively theirs to weild, rather these powers are merely symptomatic of the new laws of reality that are temporarily brought into world with the emergence of each Pantheon member. This is demonstrated by The Doctor with The Toy Maker who is bound to abide by the rules of whatever game he is playing and is not strictly in his favor, as demonstrated by The Doctor's Bi-Generation (a myth made possible via the laws of play) and forcibly exiling The Toy Maker against his wishes since what appears to us to be near-omnipotence in reality is just different rules of existence these beings operate within the confines of. Furthermore, we see that the emergence of these beings leaves a lasting effect on the laws of reality, lingering for a while before it fades completely from existence even after the corresponding Pantheon member is defeated. With The Toy Maker, The Doctor was able to produce a circus hammer and replicate the TARDIS in a way only possible due to the laws of play. Similarly, The Doctor was able to manifest music in a similar fashion to Maestro when challenged to a music battle and demonstrated the lingering effects of the laws of music on reality by bursting into a musical number that defied logic and by playing the crosswalk like a piano on his walk back to the TARDIS after their victory over Maestro.
If we assume that Susan Twist is a Pantheon member (representing stories) like The Toymaker and Maestro, then it re-contextualizes all the fourth wall breaking behavior demonstrated by The Doctor and Maestro in this episode. If the presence of Susan Twist is influencing the laws of reality, then Maestro playing the Doctor Who theme and The Doctor mistaking the approaching music as non-diagetic makes much more sense within the context of the story. Furthermore, The Doctor winking at the camera at the end is just like the scene where Susan Twist winked at the audience at the end of the holiday special. If the show runners are expecting us to take Susan's wink to the audience and knowledge of the TARDIS seriously, then that means we must also take the wink to the camera done by The Doctor equally as seriously! Especially given that it is even presented to the audience in the same way as the Susan Twist reveal. Additionally, if Susan Twist is the embodiment of stories, it could also explain the reoccurring illusion of snowfall that is surrounding Ruby during the first 2 episodes. It provides the mystery and ambiance that will contextualize Ruby's backstory, after all everything in life has a story whether we know it or not. Perhaps Susan Twist is drawn to them due to Ruby's untold story like how Maestro fed on the potential of unplayed songs.
So how does The One Who Waits tie in to any of this? To be honest, I'm not quite sure myself. We know that Maestro used he/him pronouns when referencing The One Who Waits, so we can pretty safely assume that Susan Twist won't be revealed as The One Who Waits as some sort of twist villain, despite there being a "twist at the end" and the name "The One Who Waits" implying that he is perhaps waiting for the end (or beginning) of something to come to pass. Hence why I think Susan Twist will either lead to his defeat in some way or perhaps reveal some sort of twist to The Doctor only after the conflict is over. Either way, the active involvement in story telling as sold me on the role of Susan Twist as a Pantheon member, but there is very little we can draw from that could indicate what kind of properties The One Who Waits could represent, or if he is even a member of the Pantheon at all. Although Maestro seemed to threaten The Doctor by claiming he will come for him, there is no indication that he and Maestro are allies at all, it could very possibly just be a warning of impending doom to instill fear in The Doctor out of pettiness for their banishment. Especially considering that The Toy Maker feared him when his existence was discovered. It is perhaps possible that the Pantheon members did not all know of each other's existences until manifesting in our universe around the same time, but it's also possible that they've known about each other from the start. Regardless, if I were to blindly speculate about what the meaning of his name could relate to, my only guess is that it is in some way representative of the passage of time or perhaps the lack thereof. Waiting only makes sense in reference to time spent, so either he will act as an antithesis to The Doctor, perhaps even threatening the time vortex itself, ushering in the beginning or the end of some new reality, or possibly existing as a representative of eternal stagnation. Honestly, with how little info we have, anything is possible.
(Also random passing thought, is it possible that Susan Twist's name is literal and that the twist of Ruby's story is that she is related in some way to Susan Foreman?)
(Sorry about the long post, I have ADHD and I couldn't stop hyperfixating on writing this down and got a bit carried away lol)
TLDR:
-The song at the end of Devil's Chord is addressed to the audience directly as a hint foreshadowing a future encounter with Susan Twist possibly during the climax when The Doctor must face The One Who Waits.
-The appearance of Susan Twist in the background of each episode throughout time and space and her seemingly timeless nature is seemingly identical to the way members of Pantheon (Toy Maker, Maestro, etc.) also seem to be unaffected by time when interacting with The Doctor.
-Susan Twist has demonstrated that she can break the fourth wall and her influence on reality seems to also be influencing the world around her, allowing The Doctor to break the fourth wall multiple times this episode, much like how he made a second TARDIS after defeating the Toy Maker or like how he played the crosswalk like a piano after defeating Maestro.
-Given the naming scheme of the Pantheon members, and Susan's ability to break the fourth wall and constant cameo appearances, she is probably the Pantheon member representing the god of stories.
-It is possible that the illusions of snow and visions of Ruby's past are a result of Susan Twist, who might seek out untold stories in the same way Maestro sought out unplayed songs. Susan will likely be the one who will reveal the hidden truth behind Ruby's origin story that the show has been building up to.
-Susan Twist, acting as the "Twist at the end" of their story, will likely be what ends up turning the tides of conflict in The Doctor's favor against The One Who Waits.