so! i’m primarily posting this for my husband.
My in-laws, we recently found out, have been pretending to like me and lying about their approval of our relationship. We have been together for four years and married for two. We have a child on the way. This just now came out.
His father is a crippling alcoholic. He would regularly beat his mother and has, to this day, chosen to spend money on alcohol instead of food to feed his family or pets. They regularly came to us asking for either dog food or dinner because they literally had nothing. They owe over 3k to his grandfather from how often they borrow money. His mother would verbally abuse him and his brother, and neglect them. To the point he once walked around on a broken ankle for months because she thought he was being overdramatic. He was ten when that happened. The only reason it was treated is because his grandfather saw how swollen it was and took him to the ER.
This came to a head when we decided we didn’t want our child to be exposed to that. We tried talking, and somehow it all exploded from there. I will admit I said things that were not appropriate, and my husband did too. If I have a chance to apologize for how I handled it I want too, but I was also threatened and know if I try to contact on social media I will be written very nastily to. But we found out a LOT they have been lying about.
1) they think I was being overdramatic about a miscarriage, and had actually just started my period. I was told this while simultaneously being cussed out. I had a miscarriage!! This is where I started shouting if I’m honest. Should I have, absolutely not, and I regret it now because it only escalated things.
2) I have somehow destroyed this family and my husband didn’t have a problem with anything until he met me. This is literally, factually incorrect. They have several times driven him to attempt to take his life before he had ever met me. His father would regularly mock him for attending therapy as an adult too.
3) Neither of us are allowed to dictate who our child is around, because we aren’t “in charge” of the family and my husband is, according to his father, “a hypocrite who is too soft and isn’t acting like a man.” for trying to talk about how his childhood impacted him. He was then told all of his childhood was in his head and that he needed to figure it out himself.
4) Neither of them have ever liked me, and accused me of using my husband for money and manipulating him into being a liberal. I am not a liberal. I have never been a liberal. Literally don’t even know where they got that from. The only idea I have is that they think me not wanting them to insult all of my husband’s hobbies is somehow making him too soft and therefore a liberal? I’ve literally never discussed politics with them.
5) We were then essentially kicked out from a family home that was near theres. I was told that only my husband would be allowed back, and that I would never be allowed near them again. They do not know I am pregnant, at this point I’m 5 weeks 1 day, and sincerely worried about how the stress might have impacted my baby. Prayers would be gratefully appreciated on that front.
So! I was going to ask how to gracefully handle this. I will be honest, if they hold that view of me I have no qualms not speaking to them. My husband’s concern is that he is wondering how to honor his mother and father when they behave this way. I will add that they both claim to be Christian, but are alcoholics, pop pills, cuss regularly, and have never discussed God, church, or even attended church in over 15 years. The few times I’ve heard them talk about God have been to try and get their own way, or to discuss the end times. They are essentially Christian by word and not action.
My mother’s church has miraculously offered us aid in finding a home, praise God, so we’re in the process of that. My husband hasn’t spoken to his mother at all, and when he tried to talk to his father again today was essentially guilt tripped and lied to again. My FIL told him he was contemplating suicide since he was gone, and when my husband told him he was happier on our own, was then told his father was doing better without him too and to never expect any contact from him again. Anything my MIL has texted has boiled down to insulting me and telling him he’ll come crawling back eventually, so he obviously hasn’t responded.

So I'll preface this by saying my mom raised my sis(32f) and I(28f) by herself. My sister has a thing where she always needs to help, I've told her she has a thing for down on their luck men but she doesn't see it. I have my issues but this is not about me rn. So although we are religious we aren't crazy religious, but my mom was clear about being a parent before she is a friend growing up. As adults she's much more a friend and as such, although she does tell us her opinions she lets us make our mistakes even if she has to say I told you so while helping clean the mess up. When I finished school I moved down to where my mom was taking care of her grand mother my great grand to help out. While I knew my sis was sneaking around about something I didn't really think much of it. This would have been about two or three years ago, it didn't become obvious until after I moved and she was left alone. I'd visit here and there and realize she was spending much more time away from home until she said she was dating a guy who livednot far away. My mom dislike him what seemed immediately but I tried giving him a chance and convinced my mom as such. After a while my sister's actions became more obvious, I would still pop in by the house and spend the night or a couple days and I toiced she started spending the night out even when she said she'd be home later. She didn't ask me to lie but there was a distinct 'don't let mom know' vibe.again religious household, we weren't allowed to sleep over at men's homes like that. We could spend a night by a male family friend but often sleeping there is a big no no. So I'd deflect when I was visiting and our mom called and asked about her and why she wasn't answering her phone. As time passed I slowly began disliking her bf and his family and the fact that I noticed on my visits that the house felt less lived in. Her bf and his family is all about public opinion and just shy of showing off. Everything has to be big and grand and a spectacle, I noticed her bf would at times be flippant about her opinions and belongings. He'd even makes insensitive remark, ill also mention here that my sister has her degree and a well paying job while I don't think he has his and he is self employed with irregular work. My sister would often jump in to help him organize his business but to him the business is his and she has nothing to do with it. So even if she handles the admin stuff and organize his money records and makes calls, all profit is his and she has nothing to get from it. Gradually she began staying at his house that his parents live in along with his siblings, it's a large enough house that they could all live there in comfort since his parents had nice jobs and they built a house to match. My sister eventually got pregnant for him, which wasn't surprising because she'd been sleeping in his room more than her own bed at home, a male family friend called it even before she was pregnant that they were banging. Muchless my mom wasn't happy but there wasn't much you can do after the fact. My mom and I did our best supporting her and she practically moved in with him. Our house needs repairs and while she was pregnant I tried encouraging her to fix what she could before the baby came, like the best part of the house. She didn't, and even while pregnant she did stuff he should have been doing like picking up heavy objects and taking care of his animals.muchless he Lost points in my eyes, I threw her a babyshower which my mom funded and his family brought the drinks and he tried getting us to hold it by his home even though we planned it. The baby came via c-section and she came home to us to recover, and while his mom and one sister visited he jokingly mentioned how my sister has to lose weight. Eventually he kept bugging her to come to his house that was and hour away and she kept telling him she couldn't make the journey just yet because of her stitches. Eventually she gave in to his nagging and I drove her up, when it came to the christening because he is a different denomination of Christian he insisted their child be dedicated under his, all of this was after he announced the child's name without getting her approval and fussing about the one name she wanted to give while he gave two names. Only his Godparents were able to stand up because my sister's picks were not of the denomination the christening was taking place under. The brunch they(the guy) instead on was cooked by my mom and me and the after party food was done by his side, although my sister did tell him to order a certain amount of a type of dish that he didn't do because his mom said not to, they later ran out of the item. He told my sister his mom knew better because she had more kids than our mom when my sister asked him to tell his mother not to do some stuff to their kid after she had already asked her and she disregarded her. His mother and sister looks after their kid while my sister goes to work and his mother bundles the baby up and leaves it in a hot room. Both his mother and sister began treating my sister badly and his mother has a diagnosis of early signs of memory loss which my sister has began attributing her bad treatment to which i called bull on. He doesn't allow her to take the kid to funerals and once said something insensitive about the death of my sister's friend's mom, this rules does not apply to his family funerals. When my sister told him to let his sister travel because shed be late to pick me and my mom up after he'd made us late previously for something similar for a pre planned and paid church brunch he told her that we should learn to travel although my mom and I both travel 90% of the time and it wasn't the first time he had made them/heUS late. Later my sister and his mom and sister han a falling out one I told her was going to happen and she didnt listen to after his mom began acting like her kids was her own after she had it and he was carrying their kid for his mom while she was left alone and was asked to send/provide the milk, they made her postpartum worst than it should have been. Both my mom and I told her to move back to the house which she did for a couple days before she was right back sleeping at his place. He regularly makes in my opinion insensitive remarks and everything must be his way from what I've noticed. I've also noticed it's difficult for her to move back home, the first time he stayed the house with strong pesticide so she couldn't stay, attempt Number 2 her car was hit(not really his fault) but he was park badly,and the most recent attempt at organizing to go home, her car was stolen and scrapped (he had nothing to do with the stealing) aitah if I get feup with her and his bull and the fact that I've secretly begun hoping they breakup and encourage it in small ways? Are both my mom and I wrong for disliking him as much as we do? There are other things he's has done that makes me dislike them being together no to mention he keeps his family stuff away from her and has flat out practically told her his family business has nothing to do with her.

At least I certainly hope so for my mom, my MIL, and my sister. They all seemed very happy & pleased with the day.
My mom & dad were absolute rock stars for hosting & fixing all kinds of delicious food for dinner yesterday, and I am truly so very grateful for them. They are the kind of selfless people that truly always do more for others than they receive, willingly and lovingly.
Yesterday made me even more glad that I went over to their house on Saturday & helped my mom with some technological stuff + spent several hours with her. We “chased” the northern lights, though frankly we didn’t see much. Apparently they were much more magnificent the night before; I didn’t really have any luck then either. Some of the folks around this area captured some rather unbelievable photos — that’s not to say that I’m calling it nonsense. However I do know for a fact that some of those photos were heavily edited/adjusted. I know what I saw with my eyes, and what I was able to get with my camera… those things were not in alignment whatsoever. But anyway Saturday night was really enjoyable, mostly because I was with my mom.
My parents & family have really welcomed in my MIL with open arms ever since my FIL passed away. She has expressed gratitude for this many times. Yesterday was no exception, and to my husband’s credit, he made sure his mom knew everything we did & all that she got was thanks to me (and my parents, of course).
My sister came out to my parents an hour or so later than she planned, which pushed dinner back a bit, but no one seemed to mind. It was delicious all the same, and my kids loved playing with their amazing cousins.
Unfortunately that put us getting back home about an hour & a half later than I’d expected. My husband & oldest daughter didn’t stay long out at my parents, but MIL stayed with us all day. So I dropped her off before I could get home with my Littles.
On the way back home, I found out that my MIL is somehow back in contact with the MEGAbitch (aka Barbie). The slutty, disgusting Rush-loving racist who is unfortunately my husband’s brother’s w___e. Feel free to fill that word however you deem fit. I truly don’t give a shit that she’s as pure as the driven snow (but she’s a “Christian”, so that’s ok!) or that her moral compass is nonfunctional/nonexistent. What really pisses me off about this bitch is the fact that she *used** an innocent-ish POC to cheat on her [possibly even more] racist partner. And she decided to cOnfEsS that shit to me right before we were to celebrate Christmas w my husband’s parents. (Sadly one of the very last Christmases of my FIL’s life. Also my son’s first Christmas. What a peach, eh?) Prior to that shitstorm, the ONLY thing this bitch said to me about her “indiscretion” was I’m not innocent.
Unfortunately her “confession” text was extremely elusive, and I idiotically thought, “omg, she kissed someone else!” HA. Oh, sweet summerchild self of years ago, you wish that’s all she had done. It wasn’t until the next morning — 3 HOURS before we did Christmas w my husband’s parents that the whole truth came out. After a very long phone call, my hunky but shell-shocked hubby [henceforth called G.I. Joe* — Joe for short] said “we have to talk.” Just then, I received a text from the Barbie MEGAbitch…
“im sure you know that Ken* spoke with Joe today. you may already know, but I def want to tell you that the guy I slept with was black. I know that's the worst offense. I know how Ken feels about that. I just wanted you to know. like I said, I am not innocent. im so sorry.”
Ken had obviously called Joe & word-vomited the whole sordid fiasco, including the fact that Ken knew exactly who the AP was.. one of Barbie’s younger coworkers (huge shocker, sarcastically speaking). I don’t know if this fella was partially or completely duped, but I’m willing to bet my left boob that he did not know he was being used as a pawn. It came as a tremendous shock (and relief) to Joe & me that Ken hadn’t committed an unspeakable act of violence on that guy.
And this is where I need to throw in the caveat that Joe & I were never super close to Barbie & Ken. Our values & beliefs didn’t align in many if any ways; we lived in a very big, diverse area for 10 years; they’ve lived their whole lives in a small, backwards area (save for Barbie’s one failing attempt at a local-ish party college for almost a whole semester — until she got knocked up). And from the outside we were flip-flopped in earnings & appearances. I’m just not a huge spender and I’ll use something until it completely wears out.. I don’t need a new fill-in-the-blank every season, nor do I need flashy name brands. I’m just not into splurgy bs.
But Ken is Joe’s brother. And no matter how big a tool that schmuck is, my husband (bless his heart) will always love Ken. May not always like him, and he straight-up hates aspects of him — but Joe cares about his brother, and he’s never been the biggest fan of Barbie.
I thought Barbie & I were “sorta friends” for the longest time. But after our falling out, I realized she was way more fiend than ally. Yes, my husband’s normal-meter is straight-up-busted (and so is Ken’s) and there was a lot of messed up stuff in the past that made me cling to the hope & illusion of what “could” be. I was always the one who made all the efforts & gave all the favors. I bent over backwards for her, and I regret it all.
After the Christmas debacle & following days, Barbie realized that she didn’t have my undying support / approval of her recent life-choices. She came over to my house & ambushed me while my husband was at his parents doing his best to explain the terrible situation to them & why Christmas was even more solemn than expected. (They knew part of the story but not all of it — and not all of which I’m divulging here). That megabitch said and later texted some of the most VILE, horrible things to me that I’ve ever heard or read. Things that were on par with what she said & texted to our MIL.
But somehow.. my MIL is apparently back on cordial terms with that piece of trash. Joe & I know that she’s been desperate to be back in communication with Ken… but at what cost? I love my MIL (even if I don’t always like her or her decisions), and she’s still very new to being a widow. So she still gets unlimited grace as far as I’m concerned.
That said, it still sucks.
Thank you, void for letting me vent into you.
[* = names changed, duh.]

My older sister is 36 and in her first relationship. She's religious and never had premarital sex. Right now she is dating a nonreligious guy (41) who did have previous girlfriends and had sex. She's not eager to have children or be a mom or give birth, though if they happen they will happen and she plans on hiring a nanny to raise them while she works. IDK if this is because the guy wants kids, but you shouldn't have kids just because the guy wants it. No mention about whether the guy will stay at home or not, it's assumed he will work.
They've been dating for over 3 years. I feel like you would know whether you want to marry someone after at least a minimum of year and a half, especially if you're past 30 and more established with your life and know yourself better, and there should be zero doubt by that point. This is also her first relationship so she has no frame of reference to compare him to other guys.
Recently, she thought having sexual desires and fantasies similar to movies (very tame stuff) were "demonic attacks", and I had to tell her that "sometimes a banana is just a banana. You're just a healthy woman with a reproductive drive." I can't believe I had to say this to a 36 year old. My sister said I should be able to find a good guy despite having sex outside of marriage if I know I "made mistakes and regret it". She's pretty churchy, and probably told her boyfriend how she will forgive him for having premarital sex or something. She brought him to a church where the people started speaking in tongues.
I feel like the boyfriend has a lot of doubt about my sister, according to what she tells me. My sister acts like she needs to convince and prove to him that she's marriageable, and she's worried about him walking away if she tells him about our brother knocking up a girl. This isn't how you should feel in a healthy relationship. If you don't feel 100% comfortable with someone after 3 years of dating them and feel like you still need to prove yourself to them and worry if they would break up with you over something that's not even your fault, then you shouldn't marry them. There should be a deep trust between each other and faith that your partner will have your back before marrying them. I asked her what she likes about her boyfriend and she listed a laundry list of stats about him, like "has a good job, responsible, comes from a good family, attractive to me" and said he probably likes her because she is educated and has a good job, is attractive, doesn't have a difficult personality. Nothing about how he makes her feel, how he positively impacts her, connections.
A bunch of little things about the BF and the relationship with him doesn't sit right with me. I saw him in person and spent time with both my sister and BF at the same time a couple times, and I get this underlying feeling that he doesn't really respect her or dote on the ground she walks on. I wonder why he is with her and get the feeling he is settling because he feels like he can't do better despite the red flags that my sister shows, and I feel like he's just "tolerating" her "quirks".
My sister described her boyfriend as "perfectionist" and that's why he is stalling on getting married, because he hasn't gotten my mom's approval (which he will never get). Life isn't picture perfect and he needs to go with the flow. I feel like he's too controlling over factors that are outside his control and he can't accept this. Like how arrogant and neurotic can he be that he thinks he can reason with our mom when not even her two own daughters can get that from her? My sister is also annoyed by him being perfectionist and talking so much (in her opinion), she should assume it's gonna be even more annoying during marriage and possibly get worse.
What is he gonna do when things happen during marriage that are obviously not always going to be perfect? When my sister isn't perfect or behaves exactly the way he expects a wife to?
Also, not having sex for over 3 years. He isn't a Christian or doing it for religious reason. Maybe he really is waiting and staying celibate for her, but is he really? Or is he cheating behind her back until he gets to marry her? Even my sister was like "I feel like he would cheat on me during marriage if I didn't have sex with him. A lot of guys cheat."
I probably should say something but I don't know if she would take it, and if she does, if she will self reflect. Maybe this relationship works for her and it will be fine if they marry. The relationship feels odd to me but unfortunately I don't think my sister can do better. Not the way she is now. She has too many weird things going on herself.

“New Florida standards teach students that some Black people benefited from slavery because it taught useful skills”. As awful as headlines like these are, at least they get the credit of honestly following their faith?
…
I know I already posted something about Christianity and slavery yesterday but I wanted to make another post about something I pointed out in that last one about how the idea that the Christian God would even tolerate slavery was itself incomprehensible; I mean that it’s incomprehensible from the Christian ontological perspective as well as a biblical perspective, unless God actually just does see some amount of value in slavery.
Usually, in making this kind of argument to Christians, I rely on the point that God either directly designed for slavery to eventually develop in humanity or saw over time that humanity developed slavery and chose to do nothing about it. I think I’m actually giving Him too much credit when I argue this. Not only because God didn’t just watch as slavery developed, but indeed knew it from the beginning because he exists beyond time and beyond any concept like a “beginning,” but also because there is no logical way for an all-powerful all-knowing God to have created a race of beings with flaws that would lead to certain behaviors without knowing that it would lead to those behaviors and approving of them, and if God created human beings knowing that we would be afflicted with and overcome by evil and enslave countless people, he approved of that. I don’t care for the why, it’s just a logical requirement that he did.
And evidence that he did is found in the Bible as well. I and you all already pointed this out in the other post but just to reiterate, God did not just create human beings with the knowledge that they would eventually develop slavery, and he merely accepted that as an unfortunate necessity or something (even though it’s never been coherently articulated why its necessary that we or anything exist at all except for satisfying God’s lust for creation, or why creating us as a truly perfectly righteous people who could all worship and follow Him in peace wouldn’t satisfy whatever goals he has), but he provided explicit instructions for where to acquire your slaves, who can be enslaved, how you may treat them, and several stories endorsing slavery.
But let’s pretend that all of this evidence actually IS taken out of context as Christians often claim it is; the notion that the Bible condemns oppression and suffering does not a condemnation of slavery make. There are explicit condemnations of murder in the Bible. There are explicit condemnations of adultery in the Bible. If God wants to communicate that something is actually absolutely immoral, he can do so and apparently has. There are absolutely no explicit condemnations of slavery in the Bible. If God’s chosen method in the Bible of communicating what absolutely must not be done is explicitly absolutely condemning it, then the fact that no such verse exists for slavery is evidence enough that God does not absolutely condemn slavery. Meaning, he finds some amount of value in slavery.
Again if I am missing something crucial that throws this entire argument out let me know. Or expand upon it in the comments. Or block and report me for promoting terrorism or something.

Have you been a leader in church and realize other leaders are actively sabotaging your events or convincing member to not join your staff/team?
Usually as Christians we try to not "see/notice" any bad behavior and label it as it was just a "mistake or they forgot" when someone do something wrong. but sometimes it just keeps happening every single time.
How do you handle it? because if you bring it up people can see it as gossip or complaining = You look bad now.
For example: you organize an event, is approved etc. and it just happens is not added to the monthly bulletin, not added to the announce it from the pulpit etc. or they announce the wrong info. like the secretary just happens to ALWAYS forget your events... I have more examples but what o know what you guys think.

Millions profess to know God or believe that there is a supreme creator, and yet, the surprising truth is that not many people truly know who or what God is. It may sound shocking to make such a statement, but it happens to be true; Satan, the god of this planet has deceived humanity to have a false view of God.
People do not Know Who or what God is
What God is NOT
The popular belief in the professed Christian world is that God is a trinity – composed of God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit as being a trinity.
There are those who will quote several scriptures which seem to refer to the holy Spirit as being a third person because the Bible – using the personal pronoun, often refer to the Spirit as HE. For example, John 16:13 says, “… when the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatever he shall hear, that shall he speak …” Looking at this has convinced millions to believe Christ is speaking of another Being or third person. But what the millions have failed to understand that the personal pronoun “HE” should actually be correctly translated as “IT” and not “HE”. The translators who wanted to believe God is a trinity, used the word “HE” instead of “IT.” It should read: “When “IT” the spirit of truth is come …” This word is in the neuter gender and is not referring to either male or female; and should not be translated as “He.” If you go to Romans 8:16, you will read the correct usage - for here it says, “The spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit …”. The spirit of God is referred to as “ITSELF”. The holy spirit of God is a “IT” and not a He; it is not a third person.
Also consider this: The Bible says in Matthew 1:20 that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Ghost. If the holy spirit was a person, then it means the holy spirit would then be the father of Jesus Christ. But nowhere in the Bible does Jesus makes any reference to the holy Spirit as being his father; You never see Jesus praying to the Holy Spirit but to God as his Father; This fact alone is proof positive that the holy spirit is not a third person.
https://preview.redd.it/ebsgp3le680d1.png?width=474&format=png&auto=webp&s=b78e30338c31a95b20fdb9a8a2dbd84cc4175a75
Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, but Jesus NEVER prayed to or called the holy spirit his father because the Spirit was not a third person but the power of God that conceived Christ in the womb; and we too are to pray only to God the Father.
In Zechariah 4:6, God says, “… not by might, nor by power (meaning human might or power -as God does not rely on human power), but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.” God says his power comes from his own spirit - meaning the spirit is the power of God; it the power that emanates from God himself.
In John 7:38,39 Jesus spoke of the Spirit as rivers of living waters; a person is not a river of water; also Acts 2:17 speaks of God pouring out his Spirit; if the holy Spirit was a person, how can a person be poured out or quenched – even a 1 Thess. 5:19 says?
But what about 1 John 5:7,8 which says, “For there are three that bear record (in heaven, the Father, the Word and the HOLY GHOST; and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness in the earth) the spirit, and the water and the blood …” If you take careful note, the words placed in the parenthesis or bracket - beginning with “in heaven and ending with witness in the earth” was actually added by editors to the Latin Vulgate translation possibly in the Early Fourth century as it was never in the older Greek manuscripts; men added these words because they wanted to pass on their own belief that God is a trinity, but thankfully God has so inspired his word so that we can know this is false and was added to God’s inspired truth. You can read this passage in the New American Standard Bible, The English Bible and others to see that they left out this false or spurious scripture.
God is not a trinity; this is a false belief that people have been led to believe and a little diligent study on your part will open your mind to this stunning truth. The Bible command the true servant of God to not only prove all things, but also says we are to “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15).
Who or What God is
If you go to Genesis 1;1 you read these words: “In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. “The Hebrew word for God is Elohim and it signifies more than one person; it is in plural form but can be used in a singular sense to represent that which comprise more than one person; For example, the word can refer to a Church or family or group in the singular sense, but, at the same time, we know that a Church or family is made up of more than one person. Consider it this way: Suppose a person goes by the last name of brown as the family name; we know that the name Brown, in this case, is speaking of the Brown family – meaning one family named Brown, but having more than one person in the family. Similarly, Elohim is referring to God in the family sense; it is revealing that God is a family; Elohim means God is a family comprised NOT of three persons but only of two persons; it is comprised of the other person to whom God said; “… Let us make man in our image …” (Gen. 1:26).
When God said, “Let us,” God was not talking to himself but to the other God Being – who became Jesus Christ in the flesh; the one who created all things. If you go to John chapter 1:1 it speak of the beginning that was long before God created the heaven and the earth. Notice what it says: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
God is a family name comprising two supreme Beings
Consider carefully that the Word was also God and that this Word or God was also with God. “With” God - signifies that you are talking about two divine personages or persons. In other words, this Word or person who existed with God was the very same one who became Jesus Christ in the flesh. In speaking of this eternal relationship, Jesus said, “… O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was” (John 17:5).
Notice Christ said before the world was; this is speaking of their eternal togetherness in eternity; you will also notice that no third person or holy spirit is mentioned as existing with God as a separate person or individual; it was only two personages mentioned. Do you see and believe that?
The truth is God is NOT a trinity, but God is a family of two supreme Beings who has eternally existed in harmony and peace together; there is one God existing as one family – meaning ONE God family, but are two separate individua person who make up the God family.

My (32M) mind is a complicated place. I was "saved" at about 13, always went to youth group and church growing up (presbyterian/nondenominational). Living on my own I didnt always go to church but started attending a church regularly several months before meeting my wife (30F, this was 7 years ago). She was raised catholic but their family didnt actually go to church much more than 1-2 days a year. She liked going to church with me. We did various groups together and on our own during our 3 years dating and typically attended Sunday service. We did premarrital counseling through our church and our location pastor officiated our wedding just before the pandemic started.
Something seemed off with the Lead Pastor and his wife, who was also a Pastor at our church did a online AMA style sermom before things started to open back up. They had a awkward falling out where she left the church and they broke up without much public explaination. At that point we started seeing the Lead Pastor as a little ignorant/egotistical in a idk who I offend validate how good my jokes are kind of way. Being more liberal leaning, my wife didnt feel comfortable with some of their policies returning to inperson services so we started to explore other options. My wife was furloughed from her job for a while but eventually we moved about an hour away to support her new role. Her long distance bff who unfortunately has since somewhat broke up with her (somewhat my fault) helped in the research until we finally settled into the church we go to now.
My wife has volunteered 1-4 times a month with young kids ministry (brave for helping the terrible twos) for over 5 years and is sometimes judgemental that I have not taken an equal initiative to donate my free labor. Theyre opening up a location near us and shes passionate about helping with launch team. Ive tried a few serving areas here and there but never really got connected in that way.
All that background, probably time to get into our beliefs. My downfall was probably about when I discovered street epistemology, made popular by Anthony Magnabosco. Upon trying to back up the beliefs that I held for so long (bad news and good news gospel) I found that I didn't necessarily have good evidence to justify my faith in the Christian God. I absolutely did not want to become more agnostic/skeptic as it was rather critical to be accepted/approved by my wife and birth family. After all, I had brought her to the Christian faith and she was passionate about being equally yoked where I could lead our family. My sister and brotherinlaw who we are close with are strong evangelicals who had planned to become fulltime missionaries in India or China but thankfully for various reasons theyre still living in the same state. While most of their network would encourage this leap of faith I think it puts my wife and I as well as our parents in a weird spot.
I hate falling in the middle of what should be issues of the utmost importance that I should have clarity on. As a smart guy I feel dumb for not quite getting it. I don't really feel comfortable, if I'm being honest, identifying as a Christian or an Atheist.
Reading through "our beliefs" on my churches website for example my response is typically how do you know that or what do you mean by that. Not sure if most definitions of God can really be proven or disproven. Sure most Christians will pivot at some point to well thats where faith comes in but to me it does not seem like faith is in any way a valid path to Truth as you can believe literally anything based on faith. While doubts and questioning can be healthy for some but it never really results with any better understanding for me.
So thats just kind of where I'm at not that its where I want to be. I wish I could lead my wife spiritually. I wish I could understand what I dp not with any sort of certainty. Due partially to my mental illness (bipolar) I dont always wake up in time for church. I try to suck it up and go with my wife as it is important to her that ww prioritize church. Last week she had gone by herself after volunteering where the sermon was on tithing. She came back wondering if we would get more blessing by giving more to church with the sentiment that shes not where she expected to be at this point in our lifes. She gets worried about getting older or the possibility of further infertility issues. Seeing families, baby dedications etc reminds her at least subtely how we have been unsuccessful in conceiving. I think we'd make good parents but obviously having fundamental disagreements can be hard. With most important relationships (my wife and God) i wish I didn't have thoughts/beliefs in disagreement with theirs but I don't know if we can really "choose our beliefs".
So what can I do to improve my marriage and be more confident in my Christ affirming beliefs in alignment with our church? Can anybody relate? Thanks for reading my rant/woes hope everyone is happy and healthy on this fine Monday.

He says, "Oh no, am I..."
Satan says, "Yes, you are. But it's not as bad as you think. Let me give you the tour."
Guy looks around and sees that they are in a grassy field with rolling hills, chirping birds, bunny rabbits hopping around, for as far as the eye can see.
They start walking. Satan points to the right and says, "Over there is the sports center. There are three arenas, an Olympic sized pool, tennis courts, an 18 hole PGA approved golf course, and more. You can watch or participate in any one, any time you want."
Satan continues. "On the left is the theater district. Every movie and and Broadway show ever produced can be enjoyed there 24 hours a day."
Then he points ahead. "The marina is down there, where any sized craft from a dinghy to an aircraft carrier, fully crewed, is available for you."
As they proceed, they pass a fenced off area filled with molten lava all the way to the horizon. In it are hundreds of millions of people, drowning and screaming in agony.
Guy says, "See, now that's what I expected Hell to be like."
Satan replies, "Nah, we just keep that for the Christians. They seem to like it for some reason."
EDIT: Thanks everyone! This post pushed me over 200k karma!

One of the worst things that can happen to a Christian is when he feels untouchable.
This is usually something that happens mostly to pastors and leaders, but it can happen to any Christian.
And I am referring to that moment when a Christian does something bad and realizes that nothing happens to him, he does not see negative consequences of what he did.
Then he goes and does something else bad and realizes that nothing is happening, there is no judgment from God, his spiritual life seems fine... and then he continues doing bad, unfair, evil things, he says that God spoke to him and it was lie and realizes that it continues without consequences and sees that even God continues speaking to him and showing things.
Everything is good and even better! They see that they have more money, if they are pastors they see that even more people come to the church. And they think: "If God is blessing me so much it's because I'm fine!"
Until the time comes that they lose all fear of God and feel untouchable, they can do whatever they want and without consequences, they pray for the sick and they are healed, they have revelation, authority over demons and a church that idolizes them.
While they manipulate the bible to make it say what they want it to say and do all kinds of bad things WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES!!!
They do not accept correction from anyone, they do not accept advice from anyone, because they are well and God speaks to them and reveals to them...
They can do and undo and they always get their way, they are untouchable.
The problem with untouchables is that the day God touches them he will knock them down and they will fall with a crash.
The Bible says "Blessed is the man whom you, JAH, correct" Psalm 94:12
Many of these people do not understand that God is having patience with them and winding them up and instead of taking advantage of God's patience to repent, they rather begin to believe that God approves of their behavior and even more so when they see that those who try to correct them are " in worse condition" than them.
They think within themselves, "Are you going to correct me because you don't even have enough to eat?"
I don't know how many times I'm going to talk about this story that I'll tell one more time, but it stuck with me well. It is about a friend's father, a pastor-evangelist with the gift of miracles.
This pastor was unfaithful to his wife (my friend's mother) with several women and this man continued as if nothing had happened.
He carried out campaigns of miracles and people continued to be healed and obviously did not pay attention to the watchmen that God sent to correct them "because people continued to be healed!" In other words, "I'm fine, dude, what's wrong with you?"
Several daughters told me that she felt conflicted because she did not understand why God continued to use him. At that moment I had no answers and I was only there to listen to her and comfort her as best I could.
After several years, she was in a miracle campaign, she died on the stage with the microphone in her hand... THE UNTOUCHABLE SINNER!!!
Over time I have seen pastors and leaders who feel the same way about believing they are untouchable and I am sure that the best prayer we can say for them is to ask that God correct them even if He has to humiliate them, just as it happened to my own father.
Because the other option is that what happened to my friend's father happened to him, that there is no longer a chance for him. My dad has a chance, many people I know who believe they are untouchable still have a chance, my friend's dad is already condemned. And this should scare us and force us to pray in the right way for many leaders and pastors.
There are people who only pray for their leaders and pastors, I'm sorry, but that is not the correct way to pray for our leaders. Many pray for their pastors "Bless my pastor, bless what he does, prosper him" Nooooo
I am still in the process of overcoming what happened to my father and I have understood that many of the mistakes that "men of God" make are because many of the members of the church do not pray for them in the correct way.
And I believe that every Christian should pray to God that we are not one of those who believe we are untouchable, but that every day we are examining ourselves and being humble to accept correction from anyone, because God can correct us by whoever he wants because he is God. and he really does things however he wants.
It is obvious that there are people that God will never judge, who will do well all their lives because they are the ones spoken of in 2 Peter 2 who are separated to perdition, people in charge of attracting false converts.
As for me, I believe that God long ago wanted me to never believe that I was untouchable. I remember seeing people who had a life of sin and led services and everything was wonderful and I told a lie throughout the week and I led a service and it was a disaster.
At one time I complained and told God: "They do everything and they go and set up to lead the services and you reward them, I tell a lie throughout the week and I get on and I can't flow, that is an injustice." "
Today I understand that God was doing me good with those "injustices"
Well, perhaps the thing about "flow" today, almost no one understands what I mean by that because in these times that doesn't matter, since worship directors are in charge of moving emotions and making people believe that the holy spirit and which is the flow of God.
Kisses, I am El Profe Bubba

Hello World - So I wrote a letter to the person that led me into SCJ. Totally forgot the word they used for this and that is so exciting!!! I love forgetting them! Please don't tell me. Anyways, I had known her my whole life and a lot of shitty things went down when I left and lately I had just been getting a haunting sense of injustice towards the whole story and I needed to write out how I was feeling. Turns out, it was really cathartic. It helped me immensely. I know that there must be so many people out there who have been wronged by SCJ and have left the cult with their lives in tatters and so I wrote this for you too. You are treasure! You're worthy of new love and friendship. You’re a shining star too, damn it! Just thought someone should remind you.
Love,
Steorra
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
To Whom It May Concern,
For three years now, I’ve never felt the need to remember anything from the era of you. It surely wasn’t easy to move on from you, but I did it. You hadn’t crossed my mind in so long. Then recently, I’ve had these annoying splashes of bitter memories that turn up in my life after all this time. Stirring up, once again the desire for justice that I had to lay down a long time ago. I mean if we could put every moron who wasted our time in prison, mediocrity would cease to be, but ALAS (you always hated that word) you’re still out there. So, I moved on. I had to. That was winning in a way I never knew I needed to learn. Yet, this feeling scratches at the door anew in traumatic mystery. The only thing that’s really changed since rebuilding after you is that I started writing. However, I’ve never written about you.
At the beginning of this story, your words of eloquence secretly dripping with malice and ill-intent, entrapped me into a multi-year mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional jail sentence. Truly, if there was a tangible definition of “love-bombing” it wouldn’ be some romantic affair. It would be you. You preyed upon my fragile heart that was experiencing burn-out after years in ministry. You took that as the perfect opportunity to build up your empire from my ashes. Blaming the church for every hard thing I experienced along the way and providing the comfort and shoulder to cry on that I needed. You manipulated me into doubting my faith, my community, my family and you did it all with your fancy parable studies and promises of a heavenly future.
Well. Maybe if your words got me into this whole mess, maybe words can help me hammer the final nail into this coffin-like story once and for all. In all honesty, my words have been timid, scared, and shaken since you shattered me and left me to pick up the pieces all by myself. But I did it. I picked up every piece and rebuilt it. I rebuilt a life I can be proud of. I don’t have a life of luxury by any means, but I have a new sense of dignity and fight I never knew I could have. Dignity. Now there’s something you’ll never understand, so I’ll just move on.
Since you, everyone on the outside thinks I’m delayed in livelihood. They don’t always say it out loud, but it’s written all over their faces. Even someone like you could see it. They think I’m behind in life because I don’t have a list of things I can post on my facebook marking the monuments of a thriving christian life. But it’s because they don’t know. They are completely unaware that while they were living their lives with minor obstacles, my twenties were a full blown quiet war in constant brainwashing combat. A silent war; still bloody, deadly, filled with casualties and loss that even the strongest of men couldn’t withstand. It shattered the best of fiery faith and struck with deceptions full of the strongest poison earth could offer. And I fought like hell to thrive, then to survive, and then to flee when the walls of my life were burning down all around me. I dragged myself from their smoke, fire, and deception to the edge of the battlefield and overcame it. My flag was left standing, but none of my “friends” were left standing beside me. Not even my “best friend.”
But no war is really over when it’s over. Soldiers who return from combat deal with wounds, scars seen and unseen, trauma, fear, invisible enemies all around them and inside them triggered by the smallest of things in everyday life. If figuratively that was the war and I was the last soldier standing, I returned home to a world that was completely contaminated by your warfare. I can’t listen to my favorite song anymore, because it makes me think of you and the nights sitting on the floor of my kitchen bruising my arms and soaking the night with sorrow I didn’t know my body could hold. Wondering where my friend had gone.
Since you, victory wasn’t immediate. I lost everything in the war. Just as you intended. Family, community, romance, purpose, and childhood. I bet that doesn't even keep you up at night. You would need a conscience for that. You have known me since I was three. You had the trust that only a lifetime could grow. Looking back now, that was really the only way I was ever going to join your backyard cult. Following someone I loved. I’ve come to believe from this experience that childhood betrayal is the worst kind of betrayal. You see, you took all of my youth and you don’t even care. The thought that I could have had an upbringing without you and all the heartbreak you caused makes me so angry because I want that SO BADLY. Instead I live in the aftermath of the nightmare that was you. Haunting the nostalgia of my life with every detail that led up to being sacrificed on the altar you helped them construct. They turned me into a warning and a lesson against “rebellion.” But you basically authored the whole story until I was a lifetime of being the victim in a tragic tale I can’t rewind. You are my wild regret in life.
So that was a little taste, but here’s what I truly think of you after hurting me for all those years. I hope you make it to the top of this ladder you’re climbing. I hope you reach all the glory you wanted. You left every dream you had and everyone in your life behind to do it, so I hope you get it. I hope they praise your name, give you an office, a title, a class, a spouse, a child, all the fruit your heart could desire. At the top of your dream when you least expect it, I hope someone kicks that ladder out from underneath you and lets you dangle in an endless uncertainty until you finally plummet into the deepest darkest loss you’ve ever known. Just like you did to me.
I hope you get 10x as far as I did…. before they betray you and leave you out in the cold without an apology or a bit of credit in your direction. I hope no one helps you heal and you have to do it all alone. I hope you start hurting yourself because you have no where to place the blame but on your own head. I hope you question your own intelligence and wonder where it all went wrong. I hope you sob on your kitchen floor. I hope they come to your door and ask you “what’s wrong?” like they have no idea why you could have slipped into these wildly uncalled for emotions. I hope they blame it on your humanity and gas light every desire you have to be seen and heard. Just like you did to me.
…and I hope everyone forgets you. Just like you did me.
Long after you’ve healed and moved on. I hope a figurative Mt. Vesuvius blankets that backyard cult you loved in an unrecognizable layer of ash and poisonous gas and fades out from existence of this world. It’ll seep through bars of the earth into Hades forever condemned and forgotten. Just like you….and just like you did to me.
Anyways. *Takes deep breath.* I live by the water now. It’s really peaceful. There’s no running, no toiling, no drama, no noise. It’s the kind of quiet you said we’d never have until it all ended, but here it is. I like to write here. I have a dog. He’s a good friend. You could learn a lot from him. He’s really loyal and he never eats his own vomit.
I see God in every wave, tree, and animal here. A beautiful reminder that not everything we were reading was false. Just all the parts they made up and exploited vulnerable people with.
There is a part of me that knows there’s a truth underneath this story that I haven’t mentioned yet. A piece that would give you some credit. It’s true, I would not be as strong as I am today without you in my story. I would not be as thoughtful. Careful. Hard working. Discerning. Hell, I wouldn’t have started writing. I now write stories of hope. True friendship. Redemption. Gratefulness. Don’t worry, you’ll never be making a cameo in any of my work unless I need a back-stabbing-20-something-bitch who drives a janky Honda around the suburbs and can’t afford her $6 cup of trendy coffee. It’s funny to think you all think the great betrayer is Mr. Oh. Oh no, it’s you, you crusty bitch, and I wouldn’t be paranoid of people taking advantage of me without you. I would still be naive, innocent, childlike, and hopelessly good-hearted.
So while you were trying to tear down my life and steal my happiness, I’ve rebuilt parts of me that are now unshakable. I’ve found a purpose that brings me pure joy. I help people. I spend time with my family. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You gave me the fight inside of me to get here. I’m unstoppable now. I don’t laugh as much as I used to, but I’m working on that. I’ll get there. Don’t worry. You can’t have that either, sorry.
Let’s talk about your “group” for a minute. I played by their impossible rules because they promised endless paradise, but the gods of your backyard cult were so weak. They're all just narcissists that like to hear themselves talk, but the voices of basement dwellers and secret keepers aren’t noble. They’re scared of losing their precious power and they were just wrong. At the end of the day, they were just dumb kids who followed wolves into pastures to lose the uniqueness God created for them.
Foundationally, there’s no point to a heaven that isolates, shuns, and abandons. No one wants your mascot-serving gospel. The heaven they showed us was black and white. We were never supposed to be contained within perfect lines and marketed by race. We were supposed to walk with God in the Garden of Eden in the beautiful mystery of wild creation. I hope heaven is a kaleidoscope of color, people, and joy and absolutely nothing like the one you tried to film and show us all.
By the way, I only teach elementary math here, but I’m pretty sure your numbers are wrong, but hey! What do I know? I’m just a “star that fell from heaven!” Thank goodness too. After I “fell,” I learned to shine without you. I did it all by myself and I might not be in the sky anymore, but I’m pretty beautiful walking around all these earthlings if I do say so myself. A couple of scars here and there, but you don’t get any of the profits of this light, this strength, and this peace. I earned that and I protect it pretty “religiously.”
To your group, I was a lost cause to their superior cause. Too fucked in the head to be helped. My human anxiety was just too big for their god. Turns out that big anxiety saved my life. Also, it turns out their god was really small because my God met me with huge, sovereign arms and prodigal joy when I finally returned home. Truth is, Calvary says I’m not hard to love, but treasure just wasn't made for everybody.
Now, I’m about to turn 30 in a few days and I’ve been reminiscing about all the childhood memories tainted by your presence, so I decided to make new ones. I’m going to WASTE a whole day riding roller coasters for my birthday. Watch the movies and listen to the music you never approved of. Wear cheetah print converse. Get a tattoo?? Dye my hair an UNNATURAL color?? Wear earrings everywhere!! Drink my wine in public. You know. Go TOTALLY crazy. Try to be young again. For me. For kid me.
So thank you. I’m here because of you and I’m going to have so many more days and memories without you that I look forward to. I will never take that for granted. Like you did me. Cuz I'm a shining star, bitch!
Love,
Your Shining Star ✨

I have a Christian mother (no brainer), I thought she was my safety zone (in a way) but then it came to the point where I told my brother, “that if I had a gf”, but he didn’t seem to like that…
Minutes, my mom said to not “force approval”, as she says “who could’ve created us”.
Can I get advice? I wanna be a man, but “I’m too girly” to be a man. And I like girls as well as men (femboys mostly because I like brushing long hair and bonding over cute things). It’s like I’m even alone at home.
Edit: I was born female. And as a child, (elementary school years) I felt like, I should be male, not knowing what LGBTQ+ people are, nor ever hearing about them.

So “it’s just a burning memory” (very popular online) starting playing, but it sounds, like higher pitched, kind of like a 1920s remix/sound filter.
It’s kind of scaring me, because how am I hearing it in a different style than I’ve heard for real?
Is this part of psychosis? I’m very stressed and been dealing with reality disruptions for a very long time, vivid nightmares, intrusive thoughts, emotional instabilities/overload, feeling everybody is my enemy sometimes.
I’m fucking scared I don’t understand how most people seem to not be affected by these things.
Could this be some kind of connection to a spiritual realm? Because I’ve felt plenty of presences and seemed to encounter evil beings on another plane (because it’s pretty much identical to real life, my literal bedroom, vivid and clear AF) and not only has this reality felt different, I’ve been to completely different ones, like an astral thing maybe?
I hate existing, I fucking hate it.
My parents only acknowledge that I have OCD, I could probably tell them about all this and they’d just brush it off and solely focus on my OCD.
OCD doesn’t cause this more severe stuff though.
Why me? I’m 28! I should be functioning, much better than this!
I didn’t consent to having a 6th sense or interdimensional connections, did God choose me for this? I’m pretty sure God is real.
Could I have a brain tumor? I have physical pain in my brain sometimes, including tingling and stabbing needles all over my brain sometimes.
My psychiatrist just said “an MRI is too expensive”.
I guess I can’t even get a doctor to approve me for an MRI until the possible tumor almost kills me and then I’ll have ER debt too???
Nobody will understand my behavior or actions, it’s not anyone’s fault if they have a brain tumor, or any other condition, mentally or spiritually.
Is it normal for brain to remix music on its own???
Holy shit! It sounds like 1920s, and a majority of the time I look at a clock it says X:20! What’s so significant about the number 20?
And one time I heard chanting in my head. It was in Spanish, but it translated to “god of death” or “devil of death”, and IMMEDIATELY AFTER I found out I had 666 karma on this account at that time!
It’s getting harder and harder to NOT believe in the spiritual.
I sure hope God is actually good and it’s possible to seek His protection and eternal salvation.
It’s still unclear even to many Christian’s if Hell is literally a fire and brimstone underworld dimension, or just “separation from God”, and just darkness, or complete non-existence. But if you don’t exist, you can’t suffer, that sounds good to me, especially since even Lucifer and 1/3 of the angels got kicked out of Heaven, which implies it’s still possible to sin and get kicked out of Heaven, unless human souls somehow become completely pure transformed?
Nobody even believes me…..

Back in like 2016, 6dogs and his buddy would do periscope livestreams to around 30 viewers in his basement or his friends basement and basically they would make music and write songs and talk with the commenters and i'm wondering if anyone actually has them? or knows where to find them?
This was around August - October 2016 roughly, as he talked about Astari dropping "Flossing" too (either before or right after)
Man one of the livestreams was so funny, he sneaked out his mum's house and went to film a video at a cemetary and even streamed right before he "snuck" out. His buddy later that day streamed from his periscope to tell us all he was grounded, as a cop apparently brought him home and told his "strongly christian" - (his words) mum that he was filming a music video at a cemetary and she grounded him for a straight month.
I'm sure this was when she also didn't approve of his music he said and she only came around when his name appeared in magazines after "Frozen Tears" dropped.
These were the best of times man so i just want to relive them is all and watch the streams. RIP 6dogs bro
TL;DR anyone got 6dogs old periscope livestream VODs?

Dani competes in the May Queen challenge, where one of the girls tells her it’s a “test of stamina.” Obviously, this is my favorite scene in the movie for multiple reasons.
1.) On a basic level, this scene works from an emotional standpoint because it is Dani reconnecting with life again, facing a challenge, and overcoming it to warm cheers and celebration, something her life has been void of. When she wins the challenge, it moves the viewer to see her win at SOMETHING, and it’s exhilarating. 2.) As she is competing, and after she wins, she looks to Christian, her partner, for approval, and per usual he is distracted, disconnected, and uninterested in her progression. While this visibly stings her, she makes the choice to celebrate herself anyways, beginning her departure from a toxic relationship, and the entrance in to a new (toxic) relationship… with the cult. 3.) As she is lifted onto the plank and carried towards the feast, you can see an apparition of her deceased sister, Terri, in the trees, watching her ascend to her thrown. This represents to me yet another toxic relationship ending for Dani, as she moves past the trauma of being a victim of her older sister’s mental health issues and living life for herself once and for all.
While all of this SEEMS so empowering and exhilarating in the moment, it is ultimately just another tragedy: Dani is a deeply sad, troubled person who finds herself in damaging, controlling relationships where she is neglected, gaslit and/or manipulated by other people who deem her weak or not formidable. In this case it’s the cult, using all of this to entice Dani to join them, which she ultimately does.
At the end of the day, this “stamina test” isn’t for Dani, it’s for the cult to determine if she’s strong enough to endure the physical demands of the advancing the cult through multiple childbirths and other horrors the women must perform.
This is a film about many things but mainly about perception. People enter issues based in how they perceive things, what they have endured, and how they react to conflict. Dani is a sad character and a deeply tragic person, someone who yearns to belong, but is always abused, chewed up and spit out by people who see her for what she is, people who see her more clearly than she sees herself, and uses that to their advantage.
This movie made me feel so many strong emotions, which is why I love it. But the people who subscribe to the “good for her” trope are missing the point. Her transition into the May Queen is just her entering into another level of despair.

My name is not important. I was born January 2nd, 1993 with Cerebral Palsy. My mother and father were loving in raising me at an early age. So loving in fact, that my five year old sister became resentful of me and mistreated me for the next 15 years of my life. She would often treat me like I was useless, or ignore what I needed. I remember being 6 in the Santa Claus Day Parade with skin tight pajamas on in -15 weather. The doctor said I could've had hypothermia. I remember being 7 and watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame, with her saying "see, that's you!" as my mother bought me the Quasimodo doll. I remember being told that I would "Never make it" in highschool because I was a loser in her eyes.
This is where the problems started.
I can forgive my sister, for what happened, and have since move past it, but the self deprecation started there. It did not help that for a lot of my childhood, my father was clinically depressed and rarely talked about my life or needs or concerns. I still remember in February, 14, 2001 when Dale Earnhardt died him curled up into a ball on the couch. He became depressed for many years. I also got molested by my cousin around this time (which was a fun memory to remember)
With a Depressed father and antagonistic sister. My growing up life was less then ideal. Of course it didn't help that when my friends would come over for a sleepover, my sister would make fun of me. It taught them how to use my own insecurities and vulnerabilities against me, and it was pretty easy. Getting a word in edge wise while having a physical disability is pretty tough, and its even tougher when everyone labels you the goofy dumbass of the group.
This kept getting worse and worse until high school, where my friends would simply demean me. I felt like I couldn't compare to them, and they just wanted to see me do funny things. I quickly taught myself to be the court jester in order to crave attention: constantly demeaning myself in order to achieve the goals I needed to achieve. Demeaning myself was the only way I had control in a body that I couldn't control.
By Grade 12, I truly did hate myself. I got all the attention I ever wanted. Heck I even won Prom King. But still, people did not treat me as their equal. I was always the stupid one. This coupled with the fact that no girl was interested in me was very frustrating.
I went into University with the hopes of dating. I met a girl who was super Christian. Like the whole "I don't drink and have premarital sex" schpiel. She said if I became religous like her she would "definetely" fall madly in love with her. So I went to her church, did everything I asked, all for her to say at the end of it "No I can't date you. And I can't do it because your disability would be a burden on me". Might as well just killed me right there and then. But I moved forward
By the end of university I had graduated and become a school teacher. I soon then met my ex Girlfriend Christine. Christine also had Cerebral Palsy and lived in British Columbia. I fell for her. She fell for me. We would talk virtually for hours and we were both happy.
Until one day that happiness turned to abuse. Every weekend I would spend 4-6 hours helping her with her schoolwork, only for her to say that I was "selfish" and "not trying hard enough". Due to my depreciation of myself by most in my life, I believed her. And so I was now in a cycle of being with someone who would only show me love when I did things for her. Sometimes I would get emails that said "I wish I could hit you". And somehow, I kept going
She pressured me to move to British Columbia to be with her 3 years later. There was no way she could move to me. Her mother (who I believe now is a narcissist), would always get involved in our conversations and the two would gang up on me, beating down any kind of backbone I could have. As her mother said to me once, "Remember Darrell, I always get my way"
I moved to BC. in July 2022 I felt relief at first as I thought I would never have to fear Christine again. I mistook my elation for freedom, when in actuality it is submission. As soon as I got to BC, I began to be heavily abused by her mother and her. Her mother for example, called me the nickname "boy". Like "Hey boy, go get something out of the fridge". She also once yelled at me for saying "Hi" to her in a text, because that was disrespectful and I am "Not like one of your students".
It just kept getting worse. Every day I would trudge over to Christine's house (a 1.5 km walk), and I woud sit with her and help her with feeding, or video games, or art, or schoolwork. I became enmeshed in her life, considered myself co-dependent. I didn't think about my needs or wants anymore, only hers. After all, that's what I thought being a good boyfriend was. I went home in September for a week. Christine was angry with me, calling me not dedicated enough. She would call me a piece of shit when she was mad at me.
I started thinking I was co-dependent. I even made A reddit post about it here:
https://www.reddit.com/AmItheAsshole/comments/xaesky/aita_for_going_home_and_seeing_my_parents_instead/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This should've been the biggest hint looking back, but I kept thinking that I was the problem. So I went back home and I read a book about Codepedency. Eventually I contacted the author and sat with her for a session. I wrote the following in my Explanation to her:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1alWZHZW8oCY3qJrQCLZ86Me1K_vuQqTM/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100060198783867941141&rtpof=true&sd=true
And you want to know what she said when I asked for a solution? "I don't know". Because if someone is codependent on you (as I realize now my girlfriend was with me), the whole point is to make them do thing independently. Except you can't do that with someone with a disability. So, I'm now entering a territory where solutions to my problems DON'T EVEN EXIST.
September and October go by. Christine and I talk about me being more independent. She says she agrees but then goes back to her old ways. I ask her in November, "Can I go home to see my parents?" she responds with "I guess you're not committed to me". And accuses me of being a Mama's boy. Her mother gets in on this, and when I say my sacrafices should prove my dedication to her, she responds with "she's sacraficed by waiting for you". So I am convinced and I tell my parents I am not coming home. My parents get even more worried that I am getting controlled (and I am). My sister gets involved. She tells me I'm no longer part of the family because I keep going back and forth between going and not going. She thinks I am being abused. She's totally right, but at this point I am being brainwashed to think that I am not enough and need to prove it to Christine and her mother. She tells me to "not bother coming home". So I now have 3 people constantly calling me a shitty person: My sister hates me because I am not coming home. Christine hates me because I am not good enough for her, and her mother, Nansey is reinforcing all of this heavily.
To make matters worse, Nansey is constantly age regressing me. If I want to go to a movie with Christine, I must schedule it with her mother. If I want to stay over and cuddle Christine, she must call her mother in approval. I can only take the route home she approves walking home, otherwise she will get angry at me. I must keep my apartment tidy at all times. She wants me to buy certain foods. She will tell me if I am being fair to Christine or not. Lots of Triangulation between the 3 of us: some in my favor, some not, but always with her mother in control. If I get mad, her mother says that I have anger issues.
With these three forces constantly pulling me, I begin to develop CPTSD. It is a 4-way psychological abuse, where I must pick between my family (with a member who hates me), and my best friend (who Ashley has gotten involved) or my partner (who also hates me). Either way I am screwed. A paradox. So the tug of war begins for the next few months. My body is storing all of this trauma, not knowing what to do with it. I begin to experience dissociation, and derealization. I remember putting my hand on a stove to see if I could feel it (Thanks Kanye for that idea). My cerebral palsy is already brain damage, so we are now adding brain damage on top of brain damage.
My cerebral Palsy coupled with CPTSD begins to destroy my body. I am constantly tight due to CP, and now the PTSD gets added to the mix and I need the hardest dopamine hits imaginable to stay alive. I turn to pornography and masturbation as an outlet, acting like a feral animal in order to stay afloat. Every Saturday, I begin my night after seeing Christine by getting an edible, wearing a diaper (which I found self soothing however fucked up it is), and I masturbate.
But as the pressure begins to get to be too much, I start getting addicted to crazier and crazier pornography in order to keep myself alive. I am fully dissociating when I do this, because I don't want to feel anything. I basically become suicidal and think to myself "what's the point of even existing" and start doing anything to get that hit. It is at this point I begin to turn to CP (yes that kind) in order to fulfill my urges.
I go home at Christmas. My sister is still angry at me and I am scared of being around her too. She gets my best friend to yell at me and they both make me feel like shit. On New Years Eve, I write a suicide letter. I have full intentions to end it.
But I go back to BC and the trauma bonding continues. I keep telling Ashley that I know Christine is bad for me, but I can't have the confidence to end it. Of course, now I know that it is trauma bonding. This continues for another few months, as I try to make both sides happy.
In March, my sister wanted me to go to a MUSE concert, and so I secretly flew out to Ontario to see the concert, all while faking a background in my room to make it appear to my girlfriend like I was back home (this is how scared I was). After the concert, I get on a plane back to BC just so I can see my girlfriend for 2 DAYS, then fly back to Ontario for a week. Essentially I did 2 round trips from Ontario to BC in a 72 hour span, just to make other people happy while lying to both sides.
By April, Summer was fast approaching and I had very little money left. Nansey suggested at the age of 31 that I work at Red Seals Summer Camp, a job usually designed for teenagers. I realize I have to get out or I will be age regressed to forever.I decide to commit to my old job late April.
At the beginning of May, Christine yells at me from 10 AM, to 8 PM over texting because her mother wouldn't allow her to make a video call. When her mother leaves, she turns on video and yells at me until her worker forces her camera off No matter what I do, I can not make her happy. I know the end is approaching. I want to go over to her house to end it the next day, but she won't let me.
I leave to go see my parents on May 24 weekend. When I come back, Nansey will quarantine me for 2 weeks at my house. I need to break up with her face to face. And after a week, I get that chance
I meet them in public, in the park. Nansey comes over to me with a written list of demands and "stop signs" for the both of us. She demands that if either one of us get mad we hold up the stop signs. As soon as she leaves I listen to Christine talk and read her demands, On it? "When I am angry, please don't respond to me"
These aren't written by Christine, they're by her mother. I tell Christine that I cannot tell the difference between her and her mother. I tell her its over, and walk away with the stop sign and list of demands in hand. Nansey eventually finds me and rips these out of my hands. I am terrified. I run home and lock my doors. I type an account of everything that happens. I go to the police, but no crime has been committed according to them,
I am all alone in BC now with very few allies. I am terrified as Nansey could come any time she wants, I block her on everything so she cannot speak to me. But back in September, I gave my copy of the apartment contract to her to make photocopies. She keeps these and starts harassing my landlord. She says that whenever I drop items off at the house (to give Christine back her stuff) I am harassing them. I want to die, but as long as I stay in my house I am okay. I start selling my stuff hoping to go back home by July. I even start to heal a bit, but I am so terrified that I am constantly in a Freeze because of the looming threat of Nansey
And then the cops came and seized my house 2 weeks later. Throughout all of this time while being totally traumatized, totally terrified, and completely abused, I had used CP. They take me out in handcuffs and seize most of my electronics. I had used CP because while being abused I was suicidal and hated myself. An act of self destruction, taken to the max by a brain that had both Cerebral Palsy and CPTSD to manage. Also a way to masturbate and still get the cortisol out of my system.
I am in a cell for 6 hours. The police talk to me but I am barely in sane mind. The lawyer I talk to says that they'll just search my stuff. They find CP in a few areas. When they ask why, I only respond with the word "Innocence".
I am back in ontario now, its been 6 months and they're still doing the investigation. My life is over, and I don't think I had any control over any of it. And it was due to CP, CPTSD, and CP
I am pretty sure I will end my life, as after doing extensive research its nearly impossible to prove in Canadian court that Psychological Abuse caused either mental illness or automatism.
So this is how my life ends. I will be ending my life in just a few days. I have no idea whether I am a good person or not. Perhaps this is up for you to decide. But I am happy that my life is coming to an end. Nobody should have to go through what I have been through
Good night

So I’m a 24F and when I was 20 I started dating a non-Christian when I was still practicing Christianity. Because of this, it started a strain on my relationship with my family since obviously they didn’t approve. After a year and many missed family dinners, me and the guy broke up but I had been longing to let go of Christianity and throughout the relationship I had started to say “oh my god” and completely stopped going to church. My parents thought I was just being a lousy Christian but I eventually told them I’m not planning on coming back. A few months later I started dating a trans man (I’m queer anyways and told my parents pretty late in life, even tho it was obvious) and my parents found out that he was trans on their own. At first they used his correct name and pronouns but they refused to meet up with him and don’t allow him to come to family gatherings/dinners. Since I live an hour away from them with no car, I just met up with my parents occasionally and let that simmer between us. Yesterday, after 2 years of dating my trans partner (we’re still together), I asked my parents if they would ever let him go to a family gathering and if anybody in the family would come to our wedding. My mom started using the incorrect pronouns and was determined to find out what my partners “real name” is so she could call him that. I was appalled and asked why she was suddenly transphobic. She said she made a mistake calling my partner he/him since that’s not how god intended him to be and since she doesn’t approve, nobody from the family is attending our wedding. I’ve decided to fully cut off my family since a mindset like that is extremely unsafe and she told me that Christianity will come before family no matter what. I knew I’d have to cut them off eventually and I’m just horrified that a religion is more important than their daughter’s happiness.