Middle school word searches

I have been going as Bee for almost 20 years now & want to legally change it so I don't get the cringe every time I have to use my legal name. I've decided I might as well go ahead and change other parts of my name that don't vibe with me while I'm at it.
First name: Was given a very "pretty" first name at birth by my grandma whose birthday I was born on. It was a popular 80s feminine name, starting with B. Grandma often called me B Lynn as a child. When trying to find a name I liked in my 20s, a friend suggested Bee & I love it.
Middle name: As indicated above, my given middle name is Lynn. I don't mind it; it means 'lake' or 'pool below a waterfall' from Welsh (I'm part Welsh), and I think it pairs well with Bee, but I'm considering changing it to the original Welsh spelling, which is Llyn. In Welsh, this would be pronounced with a forced air sound on the ll, almost sounding like a th sound, but I would just continue pronouncing it like Lynn.
Surname: This is the one I am really struggling with atm. I have a patronymic surname (masc name + son), and I would like to find something to fit the nature theme of the rest of my name. I am also part Irish, so leaning towards an Irish Gaelic nature word as a surname. Kinda considering Móinéar, which means 'meadow', but I think I would prefer not to use a word with accents over the letters. Also, I'm more drawn to forests and wilderness than grasslands and cultivated spaces. Am leaning more toward Fiadh (pronounced FEE-ah) which means 'wild/wilderness' but also has references to 'deer'🦌 and 'respect'.
So, how does Bee Llyn Fiadh sound/look?
Open to suggestions for the middle (& perhaps a second middle name) & last names, but the Bee stays :)
TIA for any input

TLDR: My dad failed as a parent and didn’t help me through huge hurdles in life, now he wants to be in my life. I don’t want to cut him out completely, but can’t keep turning him away. What now?
Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a really amazing person and was a huge factor for who I am today… but this is the third time in the last two months he’s shown up at my house.
Background: My parents broke up the day I was conceived, married quickly after they found out, and suddenly had a Very dysfunctional blended family. They divorced when I was 8, and both got remarried when I was in my teens. I was the only byproduct of that failed marriage, and was the only one in my households with shared custody. In total, I have 8 siblings. Four half siblings (all older) and four step-siblings (2 on my mom’s side, 2 on my dad’s) and I’m the youngest of them… Kinda. Almost all of them have more siblings from their other parents, so I’m somewhere in the middle, but there’s 23 kids in this generation alone.
My siblings often blamed me for why their lives sucked. The oldest ones wished they had never met my sister Halsey (older than me, younger than them) or had a new dad in their lives, Halsey said I took away her only chance of having a mom and was bitter that I had both parents in my life, and most of the step siblings were very unhappy that my parents had married their parents. To top things off, my dad was fairly depressed after fighting for custody of Halsey and even more so once my mom was through with him. So he agreed to fairly limited custody and my primary caregiver was a raging alcoholic with untreated bipolar disorder.
I got kicked out by my mom when I came out as trans at 15, and my dad said he couldn’t take me in because his girlfriend (now wife) and her kids had recently moved in. I couch surfed, eventually my oldest sibling bought me an apartment to stay in, worked 2 jobs until just last year, survived chemo/radiation treatments due to cancer, and never had family I could rely on. I stopped treatment two years ago because they weren’t improving my condition at all and my grandma had gotten sick, so she wasn’t able to take care of her mom (my great-grandma). I’ve accepted my limited timeline, moved closer to those grandmas, and thankfully have a boyfriend who helps support me as I’m not working anymore.
Onto the present: Well about half a year ago my dad reached back out, he regretted not being in my life aside from occasional holidays and birthday wishes. I didn’t. He’s a great person, but was a terrible parent. Two months ago he and his wife showed up at my house without even telling me they were going to be in town. I tried to humor them and sit outside to chat, despite his wife asking for the “grand tour” several times. I’ve lived here 3 years, they didn’t help me move or visit once until that day. The final straw was when they started nagging me for “never visiting”. It’s 1.5hr drive each way and I’ve been to their house twice a year since I turned 18!
I don’t know what I was thinking, but I just laid into my dad. Told him about the constant bullying at school, growing up being abused by my mother, facing homelessness, Halsey almost getting me expelled from my high school and physically attacking me in public later that year, getting my cancer diagnosis, having multiple surgeries since I’ve been 18, going through domestic violence with my ex, taking care of my grandma and great-grandma, and never feeling as though I had any family despite having so many relatives. Just because his step-kids have moved out and Halsey is in jail, doesn’t mean he can run to me as the backup child. He didn’t show up when I asked him to act like my dad 8 fucking years ago, so he can’t decide to be my dad now of all times.
He started crying at some point while I was talking and his wife joined in when I said that final sentence. I told them to get off my property and to go back to waiting for their Christmas cards. I didn’t cry until I was back inside my house.
They both showed up again a couple weeks ago, but nobody answered the door and I texted him to go home. This past weekend he stopped by and I answered the door to ask why he’s bothering me and my family. He asked to meet them, but I turned it down. My dad tried to explain that he didn’t realize I had gone through so much and was struggling himself after he and my mom divorced, but I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t. My dad fought for six years to save my sister Halsey, but didn’t even try for me.
Since then I’ve been getting friend requests on social media from him, his wife, and her kids. His wife and her kids have also been sending me messages about reconciling with Halsey, despite going NC with her years ago.
I just can’t take it anymore, but I also don’t want to completely cut him out of my life. He messed up, we all do. It wasn’t malicious, yet it caused so much pain. I’m in therapy and have been since 18, but I can hardly leave my house or have the energy to do anything around the house. What do I even do from here? Why does it feel like I’ve lost my dad all over again?

I’ve been working as a CRT for various SEN schools in my area (South East Melbourne). What concerns me is that there have been scandals associated with almost all of the schools I get asked to CRT at! When I search up the names of these schools I find articles about two parents suing the department of education and claiming the school didn’t attempt to educate their child. I’ve seen accusations of child abuse. I’ve seen several A Current Affair episodes associated with SEN schools in my area. These episode involve parents claiming their children were abused at school by the staff. Another claims that their child wasn’t given an education. It’s like a land mine! I don’t really know how to navigate my desire to work in this area and these allegations. Advice and personal experience is welcome!

TLDR; My kids don't like their dad, even so far as resent him because he is always working.
I (f30) have been with my husband (m30) for 12 years. Together we have a ten year old daughter and a five year old son. Both special needs. Husband is suspected to be on the spectrum.
My husband and I grew up in vastly different childhoods. He is an immigrant from the Philippines and had a family that showed no affection or love. I, however, grew up with a Mom who never let us forget how much she loved us. This has played a big role in our parenting styles.
My husband and my daughter have never had the best relationship. To my perspective it seem that he just doesn't know how to act with kids. They are also so alike that they can butt heads. When my son was born, my husband had a much easier time bonding with him. Up until 1.5 years old, they were two peas in a pod. My daughter was 6 when I had my son, and she saw the difference In how they were treated.
Side note: my daughter has been in therapy since 5 due to catastrophic anxiety and has even had to be medicated.
My daughter started to think her dad didn''t like her, which was understandable to me. And it was something she worked on in therapy. Then the dialoged changed from thinking her dad doesn't like her, to now she doesn't like her dad.
My husband has always worked hard to provide for us, making sure bills are always paid, there's always food, etc. I always worked full time as well, until 2020. In 2020 my husband got a job as an executive chef, since the kids had to be home due to covid, we decided I would quit my job and stay with the kids. It was cheaper than child care.
If you look up "what it's actually like being a chef's wife" you instantly see it's very lonely. My husband works 16-18 hour days, he has two scheduled days off, but sometimes he has to go in on those days as well. When he is home he does his best to help out and spend time with us. However, he is understandably exhausted.
Once my son started pre-k, he no longer gets to see my husband very much at all. His bus arrives before his dad is up, and his dad gets home after my son is asleep. He see's him sundays, and Monday evenings. That's it. My husband missed him growing into childhood. My daughter only see's him every day because her school starts later and he often takes her to school. She's asleep before he gets home as well. I feel like a single parent most of the time.
On my own I got my daughter's mental health stable and got her off meds by age 8.
My daughter kept consistent with saying she doesn't like her dad, only it changed to hate. She started saying she hates when he is home. Even though in my eyes, their relationship looks (on the surface,) to be much better now that she is older. My son, four at the time, started to say he didn't like daddy, only mommy.
I talked to my husband about spending more time with them, try to bond a little more, maybe take an occasional day off (he hasn't taken one off in four years). He felt really guilty and spiraled into a deep depression. In his head, there is NO room for adjusting his schedule, or taking extra time off.
Another side note: In the middle of all this my husband was offered a different exec chef job, which would of paid about the same, but we would of had benefits, PTO, Bonuses, and a family friendly schedule. But it's corporate, which he hates. He loves where he cooks at now.
Both kids have been keeping up with the negative feelings toward their dad (it's very obvious he loves them). Everytime I tried to talk to my daughter about it, go deeper, as in WHY she feels this way, I was met with "I don't know" and she would shut down.
Yesterday I pick up my daughter from school and when we get home she sees her dad is home. Instantly her attitude changes and she starts saying how she hates her dad, she wishes he wasn't home and that he would just leave forever. However this time she told me a little more. She's depressed, she wanted to go back on meds, and she's just having a hard time all together. She told me she resented her dad for never being there. That he isn't her father and she would be happy if she never saw him again.
I validated her feelings, I mean, I totally get where she is coming from, and I let her know we would get through this together.
It hurts my heart to hear these things. I don't know how to handle the situation.
Should I tell my husband and hope it gets through to him enough for him to make a change? Or do I just spare my husband feelings because most likely nothing is going to change and this way we'd avoid another depression episode, and just be there for my daughter, handle it on my own?
HELP!
Edit: We do not NEED him to work those hours, he isn't working long hours for finances. This is what his job entails, and he is VERY dedicated to his job. It's his passion.

Mwigereri Dorcas, Kenya, for research using machine learning techniques for solar energy distribution optimization.
Mmesomachi Nwachukwu, Nigeria, to support the Special Maths Academy which prepares teams for competitions including the International Mathematical Olympiad.
Mohamed Haoussa, Senegal, for the Pan-African Robotics Competition in Dakar which has had over 2800 participants from middle school to university from 37 countries since inception.
Santiago Eyama, Equatorial Guinea, to support the production of YouTube videos on life and society in his country.
John Anthony Francois, St. Lucia/California, PhD Candidate at Stanford, to support his research on Immune Checkpoint Blockade.
Caroline Ochieng, Kenya, PhD candidate at Jomo Kenyatta University, for research into the molecular characterization and transmission dynamics of Chikungunya and Dengue viruses.
Mohamed Diouf, Senegal, for his startup idea of doing merchandise loans (instead of money) to small scale vendors in West Africa.
Kemar Stuart, Barbados, for the production of YouTube videos on Caribbean politics.
Tyrique King, UAE/UK, for developing an AI coding instructor which can train and upskill talent without prior coding experience within 100 days in Africa.
Kurtis Lockhart, US/Tanzania, for developing an economics focused degree program in Zanzibar.
Daniel Alabi, Nigeria/US, Postdoc CS researcher at Columbia University, for Naija Coder, a summer program teaching Nigerian high school students computer science in Abuja and Lagos.
Joshua Walcott, Trinidad/Poland, University lecturer in politics in Poland, for research and writing on existential risk and Caribbean geopolitics.
Nikita Greenidge, St. Lucia/UK, PhD candidate at University of Leeds, for research on surgical robotics.
Masahiro Kubo, PhD candidate at Brown University, for research on how Catholic missionary work contributed significantly to the accumulation of human capital in Africa/
Led by the excellent Rasheed Griffith.
The post Emergent Ventures Africa, fifth cohort appeared first on Marginal REVOLUTION.

In the song ‘Peter’, which is most likely written about Matty she states “life was always easier on you, than it was on me”. Obviously I know people have had much more difficulties than Matty Healy and yeah you can call him out on his controversial sense of humour, but for Taylor to claim her life was harder on her is delusional.
Although Mattys parents were semi-successful actors in the UK and he wasn’t exactly raised in poverty, the trauma of seeing what his mum went through must be really difficult. He’s spoken about how he’d often seen his mum black out drunk, high, or passed out on the sofa unable to move. She’s even admitted at length about how she’s battled with alcoholism, drug addiction and mental health issues and has said it caused her to be distant from her two sons. This upbringing culminated in Matty himself developing a heroine addiction which he had to attend rehab for and almost lead to his own death.
But oh no! Taylor growing up in an upper-middle class home with two very loving parents, who in her own words, provided everything she wanted was so much harder! She can make the point that since she’s become famous life has been tough because of all the hate she’s had but it’s been like that for Matty too. Obviously it’s on a different scale but The 1975 has never been seen as a ‘cool’ band and this has lead to him having many haters criticising him for everything from his lyrics to his mental health and addiction.
Like I said, there’s plenty people around the world who’ve had much more challenging lives than the both of them, but this feels like another “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum that they raised me line”. Completely out of touch, only thinking about herself (again) and thinking that famous people problems are somehow relatable and worse than normal people problems.

I saw a lady at the grocery store tonight wearing the most gorgeous dress. It was purple with an Indian dress pattern of paisleys etc with cut out eyelets throughout. It had a belt of different but complimentary fabric. The dress is around $150. The company also makes pajamas she said.
I can’t believe I didn’t write the name down. I’ve searched the web for an hour. It’s not Plain Jane. It’s not Pyne and Smith.
The dress was very similar to the brand “Daughters of India” but thicker fabric. Please help me find this brand! I know it starts with a P. I know it’s two words.
I think it’s “P…and…S…” or “P…S…” so the first letter is a P and I believe the second word first letter is a S. I think the word and is used between them. Thank you!

My nephew who is a freshman has been invited to participate in a college readiness type program. It’s like AVID but outside of school.
He didn’t want to take avid though he was invited to apply, as he had other classes in mind. He is also reluctant about this other program that is not school related but has kids from several neighboring schools. He feels like it’s remedial and he is a decent student. He tried a program like this in middle school and wasn’t impressed.
However, I think the pure fact of his participation may give him bonus points for admission to college. He is not a minority but the family is low income.
Does anyone have any insight? It is not a competitive program like Questbridge or Posse but the idea behind it is the same I think.

Salam everyone! I wasn't active on reddit for a while due to my diploma exams, but Alhamdulillah they went well and InshAllah I'll be getting the grade I want to get. I feel so happy about finishing; I even got a full scholarship to go to a top university in my country, Alhamdulillah (If you've seen my posts about taqiyyah, you'll know this is a big deal as I will be moving out inshAllah), but I still can't be truly happy as my mom hasn't spoken to me in a week.
My mom and I are really different, but that doesn't matter much to me. I think it does to her. Alhamdulillah she is a practicing Muslim, and I have grown to be more religious since 2023. I started wearing the hijab, I read quran on a regular basis, I pray and fast and Alhamdulillah I am working on my mentality in this world and not just my rituals. For some reason, my mom has not shown me support with that. She was against my hijab and cried for nights when I made the decision (She's a hijabi herself!!!!), and we fought multiple times because of it. She's given me really mean comments about it, and I've cried many times for that. Just a few days ago, she spoke to me for the first time to accuse me of lying to my teacher because I didn't want to attend a class (I had an exam, but I also wanted to go out after it. I just told my teacher I have an exam so I won't come. I didn't know that was considered lying, but I repented either way.) She accused me of hypocrisy, that I choose where to be religious and where not. This made me cry so much. I felt like I am just trying my best and i didn't know, and I just want my mother's support.
The reason she is not speaking to me is this. A week ago, I told her that the seniors of my school (im a senior) are planning a camp night in school. Basically, they'll spend a night in school in tents. I don't enjoy their company at all and I certainly know this is an activity I will NOT enjoy. I told her about it; she was against sleeping. I said Alhamdulillah. Then, I said: "They probably won't sleep anyway. I think they'll just stay up late with music and dance and freemixing. Maybe I can go the next morning to have breakfast with them only." She saw red. I felt scared seeing how fast she switched. She said that no I will go and stay up late with them. I said "why? I won't enjoy." My dad also said to her that it's okay leave her be she's happy like this. And she got so angry after this. She started saying that I think I'm better than everyone else and that she's forcing me to go. "You want me to leave you be? You'll see how I'll leave you be later on in life!" As a convert in taqiyyah, this really hurt me, because not a day passes where I don't think of the day they'll actually leave me when they find out about my conversion. She said that all I care about is my studies. Yes! That's the only thing I care about now! After religion of course. I don't understand. I have friends and I go out so it's not like I'm lonely Alhamdulillah. And my studies are such a priority to me. That's what got me a scholarship. And I did it all for her. She's a working mother, and I see how much she struggles for us. So I worked so hard in order to make her relax in regards to college tuition. "In college, everyone will live their life and you will be stuck in your dorm room studying like a lonely person!" Huh. I study so much, yes, but I also have a social life and friends and everyone at school knows my name.
After that yelling fit she had, where I didn't say one word by the way, she hasn't spoken to me. And it's not only silence, it's also anger. She's really angry at me. This anger is what makes me feel bad. I know we are not supposed to obey our parents when they command us to do something that God didn't, but it's the anger of a mother which makes me feel like "what if this is angering my God too?" I appreciate my mom so much. She works so hard for us. Despite her not speaking to me, I still kiss her goodnight and goodmorning. But she is just so angry. I thought about apologising, but for what! After reading all the ahadith on the rights of parents over us, I overthink if God is even accepting my prayers as my mom is angry at me.
I missed this subreddit. Thank you for reading this far. My situation reminds me of our mother al-Zahraa SAA. Whenever I cry for my mom, I start sending salawat on Fatima PBUH. I think that's the good thing about this situation. Alhamdulillah.
Salawat on Muhammad Wa Ali Muhammad.

So, I was with Ameritrade for many years and I often sell options contracts. Once in a while the short option contracts get early assigned.
Before I was moved to Schwab, it was as easy as searching my email notifications for the word assignment and I can see exactly what was assigned.
After the move to Schwab this is missing. It comes up as transaction of 100 shares. But also other options transactions include the 100 number. So, searching Schwab 100 is not getting only the assignment email.
It would be great and beneficial to have that old way of notification that was clear and easy to find.
Ideally, I would love to get an email + sms text for early assignments.
Anyone knows of a way to do it? Or how do you keep track of that?
I have many different positions and lots of contracts, so looking at all my positions manually in 2 different accounts is NOT workable for me.
Thanks

Faculty Meetings With Rudolf Steiner Vol. 2, 3 July 1923, p. 649-650
Dr. Steiner: That little girl L.K. in the first grade must have something really very wrong inside. There is not much we can do. Such cases are increasing in which children are born with a human form, but are not really human beings in relation to their highest I; instead, they are filled with beings that do not belong to the human class. Quite a number of people have been born since the nineties without an I, that is, they are not reincarnated, but are human forms filled with a sort of natural demon. There are quite a large number of older people going around who are actually not human beings, but are only natural; they are human beings only in regard to their form. We cannot, however, create a school for demons.
A teacher: How is that possible?
Dr. Steiner: Cosmic error is certainly not impossible. The relationships of individuals coming into earthly existence have long been determined. There are also generations in which individuals have no desire to come into earthly existence and be connected with physicality, or immediately leave at the very beginning. In such cases, other beings that are not quite suited step in. This is something that is now quite common, that human beings go around without an I; they are actually not human beings, but have only a human form. They are beings like nature spirits, which we do not recognize as such because they go around in a human form. They are also quite different from human beings in regard to everything spiritual. They can, for example, never remember such things as sentences; they have a memory only for words, not for sentences.
The riddle of life is not so simple. When such a being dies, it returns to nature from which it came. The corpse decays, but there is no real dissolution of the etheric body, and the natural being returns to nature. It is also possible that something like an automaton could occur. The entire human organism exists, and it might be possible to automate the brain and develop a kind of pseudomorality.
I do not like to talk about such things since we have often been attacked even without them. Imagine what people would say if they heard that we say there are people who are not human beings. Nevertheless, these are facts. Our culture would not be in such a decline if people felt more strongly that a number of people are going around who, because they are completely ruthless, have become something that is not human, but instead are demons in human form.
Sauce: https://montalk.net/matrix/157/spiritless-humans

I'm a 17 year old male in my senior year of high school and I'm having trouble reconnecting with a friend. My friend is 18y/o female (completely platonic) and we've known each other since elementary.
Earlier this year, around January, we exchanged each other's phone numbers. However, we didn't text really frequently and mostly spoke in person.
Fast forward to February, my mom searches my phone (I'm not a legal adult so she's still my guardian, with permission to search) and finds a new contact. I don't really tell her when I add new contacts because I only had 2 beforehand which were just other male friends. My mom had forgotten the existence of this friend, and the name didn't ring a bell to her when I told her. But the reason she got concerned is because it was a girl. She immediately read through all the texts, but found nothing bad (we mostly exchanged notes for classes or discussed projects). She just doesn't want me messaging girls I guess because right after scrolling through the texts she blocked the phone number.
Literally the day after, I don't hear anything from that friend. Not from then and until now. Not a word. I assume they must have tried to send something and received the "Not Delivered" message and knew "I" blocked them.
Earlier this week I unblocked them but didn't say anything. That's where I am now. I don't know whether I should or how to tell them that I wasn't the one to block them, or should I drop it and move on?

I don’t throw that word around lightly as I’m also in the medical field and I understand the potential ramifications that go along with such accusations. That being said this feels like I’ve been used by the a medical school to get their students more experience.
The issue: I got into an accident that resulted in the lost of two and a half front teeth. 1 1/2- 2 months later I was referred to the medical school by the VA and got an appointment with a provider. This provider did not give me a timeline of any sort and barely made me an Essex before going on winter break. They then came back late from winter break and would not respond to messages to make an appointment. This delay went on for months until 6 months later where I was told that I had to have bone replaced due to the absorption of bone in that area. Now I’m told I need to get a graft and then four months later posts. Everybody seemed to forget to mention that after the posts another four months of healing is required. On top of that they now want to don only half a bone graft and then a gum graft during the post placement.
My question, why wasn’t there just a post placed months ago? I’m in emergency medicine and now I can’t work for a year since I have back to back surgeries. I was attempting to get a job before the accident (just moved to a new area) and now I can’t in good conscience apply anywhere knowing I’ll be in and out of work constantly for the next… what? Year. I’ve already been out of work for close to 8 months, I’m running low on my rainy day funds.
Is any of this legal? Why would they wait? I’m hoping that someone can give me a logical explanation but from where I’m standing it sounds like laziness. Because of said laziness I now have to endure another invasive surgery.

When I started graduate school in physics in 1986, I tried to learn string theory, which at the time was the hot new "theory of everything" that everyone thought would turn out to be the holy grail of physics, but as it turned out, it was horribly complicated and as far as I know, during the past 40 years, it still hasn't yielded a single testable prediction, so it still isn't science because in Lee Smolin's words, it's not even wrong! To make matters worse, I got very mentally ill during the late 80s, in part due to my desire to learn string theory and in part due to the fact that my social life was down the tubes and I was still a virgin. I ended up having a nervous breakdown in 1989 and was hospitalized for a month, and I'm still on antipsychotic medication, but my life has improved tremendously since the 90s (and I'm no longer a virgin!) In any case, unless string theory yields some real scientific fruit, I really think physicists should get off it already and study some new, exciting areas of physics that ARE yielding fascinating experimental results, like gravity waves, Bose-Einstein condensates, and possible errors with the standard model.

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but life kept getting in the way.
There is a bunch of new (well, new to me) stuff I've discovered over the last few weeks, and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Let's start with the "prequel" (although never canonically confirmed) to the Marathon series was a game called Pathways to Darkness. The backstory for this game is:

Sixty-four million years ago, a large extra-terrestrial object struck the Earth in what would later be called the Yucatan Peninsula, in south eastern Mexico. The dust and rock thrown up by the resulting explosion caused enormous climactic changes in the ensuing years, and many of the Earth's species became extinct during the long winter that followed.
The object itself was buried thousands of feet below ground, its nearly two kilometer length remarkably intact. It remained there, motionless, for thousands of years before it finally began to stir-- and to dream.

Hmm. Buried below ground. Finally beginning to stir and dream. Who does that sound like?
Let's keep going.

The heat of impact liquefied the rock around it, which later cooled and encased the dead god's huge body far below ground. As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment.. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality.
Like Fingerrats? Or like Spider-wolves?

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

Caverns and landscapes. I want to expand this point here for a bit because it's also mirrored across Alagaesia.
Let's start with Helgrind.
For any FV enjoyers, I've previously speculated that Helgrind is a reliquary, or a previously living being that was transformed (a la Ctein).
But the curious thing here is the timeline of Helgrind and it's tunnel system, taken with the above context.

Q: Assuming it wasn't built by the Ra'zac themselves, was the lair inside Helgrind purpose-built for the Ra'zac and Lethrblaka, or did they appropriate it some time after it was built? If it wasn't built for them, what was its original purpose?
A: Partially natural formations (linked to tunnels elsewhere in Alagaësia), partly expanded by the priests of Helgrind and Galbatorix himself.

But... The Ra'Zac didn't inhabit Helgrind until at least after the Humans came over. So these tunnels underneath Helgrind existed before the Ra'Zac, or Galbatorix ever set foot on Alagaesia. Which, I don't know about you, but a massive network of tunnels does not smell entirely natural to me.
So.. where else are there "natural" formations that link to other tunnels elsewhere in Alagaesia?
We've seen these "natural" formations in Vroengard:

Q: The deeps under Vroengard, were they created by the riders or was it a previous system of caverns that they repurposed?
A: Previous system. I mean, there's been work done on them, but... 'It looks similar, parts of it feel similar to the caverns that we encountered in this book. They both have that hole in the cave which goes deeper, with something in the hole that's not clearly defined.' Yeah.

And we've seen similar depictions in the Beors, and Nal Gorgoth. So from the Beors to Vroengard, "natural" tunnels exist underground. I don't buy that they are entirely natural.
Given the context of the Marathon game above:

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I think these tunnels came from Azlagur.
Let's switch gears here, I want to talk about another archaeological mystery in the world of Eragon - El-Harim.
I believe El-Harim was heavily influenced by the (not canon confirmed, but implied) prequel to the Marathon games, the Pathways into Darkness

Pathways casts the player as a member of a US Army Special Forces team sent on a mission to the Yucatán Peninsula. On May 5, 1994, a diplomat from the alien race known as the Jjaro appeared to the President of the United States and informed him that on May 13, an ancient godlike being sleeping beneath a pyramid would awaken and destroy the Earth. The only way to prevent this catastrophe is to prevent the god from awakening. The eight-man Special Forces team carries a nuclear weapon, with the goal of entering the ancient pyramid, descending to the bottom level where the god sleeps, and activating the bomb to stun the god and bury it under tons of rock.

Getting into a bit more of the backstory:

Only during the last few centuries has the god begun to effect changes on the surface of the Earth. Grotesque creatures have been sighted deep in the trackless forest of the Yucatan, and strange rumors of an ancient pyramid-- which is neither Aztec nor Mayan-- in the same area have been circulating in the archaeological community since the early 1930's.

Pyramid, eh? There are two different options here I can think of that equate.
The extended FWW Map
First, in the extended map from FWW, we can see a Pyramid-esque shape - Different color, different slope, etc.
Or, second (and probably more likely), it could be El-Harim:

It is a very bad place. It’s a place where some bad things happened at one point and it’s not a good place to go walking around. I don’t want to get into it too much more because again, it’s a good possibility for another story and I want to keep thinking about it a bit more. It is in Alagaesia and we’ve actually been close to the location.

Many speculate that the below vision from Eragon in Brisingr, which was never explained in the main cycle, is of El-Harim:

And he rested, and visions beset him of a circular stone city that stood in the center of an endless plain and of a small girl who wandered among the narrow, winding alleys within and who sang a haunting melody (A Feast with Friends, Brisingr).

If this vision IS El-Harim , it's super significant because of these two descriptors:

circular stone city
narrow, winding alleys

Fractals. The city itself is a fractal, like Nidus for any FV enjoyers.
The narrow winding alleys are significant because of the descriptors of the Vanished/Grey folk:

The spaces between the structures were narrower than the humans preferred; the proportions were taller, thinner, which matched the images she had seed of the Vanished...
The ancient outline of the city was - as she suspected - a fractal, and the shape of it contained meaning.... At the nexus of the apttern, where it coiled in on itslef like a nautilus shell" (Shards, TSIASOS).

Narrow. Circular (Nautilus shell). Winding. Fractal.
Whatever this city is, El-Harim or otherwise, it is/was a grey folk/vanished city.
And given the quotes from above - "Its a place where some bad things happened at one point", and "dangerous, creeping, ancient, evil thing" - My guess is that the event that caused the Grey Folk to bind the AL to magic happened here, in El-Harim.
Alright, moving along.
Let's talk about the Az and the God. There are a few parallels I've talked around, but the BIG link between the two are Dreams. This is especially important because of the release of the world map recently.

We are the devotees of Azlagur, the Devourer. Azlagur the Firstborn. Azlagur the Dreamer. He who sleeps and whose sleeping mind weaves the warp and weft of the waking world. But the sleep grows restless" (Obliteration, Murtagh).

Versus

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I could write a whole post about the parallels between the two and their linkage to dreams, but I'll cut it short here for now to save room to dig in to other areas. Specifically, the Dreams connection is especially important because of the relase of the world map recently - I have another post here that gets into more detail, but the translations from the World Map in the middle translate to:

where dreams and dragons dwell

Dreams (!) and Dragons.
Combine that with the Etymology of the words:

Alagaësia ala = land gaësia = rich/fertile
Alalëa ala = land lëa = a beautiful dream
Elëa = the dream itself

So the planet, named Elea, translates to "The Dream Itself". Very interesting.
This is even more significant when you take into account this tweet chain from Chris, a bit earlier in March

Darn it. Just invented a name in the ancient language. Googled it to make sure no one else had used it ... only to discover that I had used it in an earlier book. Lol.
Can we ask what name?
Edurna

I believe the name was a potential candidate for the name of the planet of Alagaesia, which is important because of the etymology of THAT name (All credit to Zora for digging this one up).

Edurna sounds awfully like Adurna and Edur
Adurna meaning water and Edur being a prominence

Prominence. And Water. You know what that sounds like to me? Plaintive Verge. Just food for thought.
Second-to-last Az connection I want to cover: Hunger.

Whirling darkness swallowed him, and at the center of it... lay a formless horror - ancient and evil and from which emanated a constant merciless hunger (Dreams and Portents).

Versus a quote about the cosmic entity in Marathon:

Now I fear what that weapon has unleashed will destroy us. I once boasted to be able to count the atoms in a cloud, to understand them all, predict them, and so did I predict you, but this new chaos is entirely terrible, mindless, obeying rules that I don't comprehend. And it is hungry.

Now, the last piece of Azlagur-related lore I want to cover here is the "Black Sun".
In all of the visions, a Black Sun precipitates Azlagur's rise.

"A black sun rimmed by black flame hung against a darkling sky... The beast rose rampant against the black sun - A wingless dragon, apocalyptic in size, terrifying in presence. Destroyer of hope, eater of light"

Before getting into the Black Sun a bit more, there's an additional connection here I want to touch on - usage of the word rampant in connection with Azlagur.

In Marathon, Rampancy is the enhanced self-awareness of a computer AI, causing a progression towards greater mental abilities and destructive impulses. The destructive impulses, however, are primarily caused by being threatened or harassed. There are three main stages, as well as a fourth and final stage that is rarely achieved, to rampancy, named by the primary attitude of the AI during those times: Melancholia, Anger, Jealousy, and Meta-Stability.

There are some overlaps with what we see from the Maw.
And Melancholia.. that's an interesting word. Especially when taken into context the meaning of the name:

A melancholy dream of great beauty.

Melancholy.. Dream... The pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And Rampant...
Chris also uses that exact same verbiage when discussing a deleted scene from TSIASOS:

Q: I just finished reading To Sleep in a Sea of Stars and I have to know: it sounds like the Wranaui fought the corrupted during the Sundering but if that's true and it happened almost 300 years prior.... Who created the old corrupted? I've been questioning this for days!
A: That was actually in material cut by editors (some of the dream memories). Another Seed/Idealis was damaged and, when the Old Ones tried to separate it from its host, the xeno went rampant.

The xeno went rampant. Very interesting.
Alrighty, I keep getting distracted, back to the black sun.
The reason the Black Sun is important is because it always precipitates Azlagur's rise, throughout several of Murtahgh's visions. In each of them, there is a Black sun.
So, by this, we can extrapolate that the sun needs to be Black in order for Azlagur to rise (which is hinted at at the "Day of Black Sun" celebrations near the end of the book).
But... what does it actually mean?
There is a parallel in Marathon, their weapon:

The trih xeem (also "tri xeem") is an extremely powerful weapon that can be used to force a star into early nova... it was originally conceived and built by the Jjaro [The Old Ones/Vanished equivalent]. Much of the Marathon Infinity story revolves around preventing the Pfhor from using the tri xeem and inadvertently releasing a W'rkncacnter that is supposedly trapped within the Lh'owon sun.

So, the story of the last Marathon games revolves around preventing the usage of the weapon to release the cosmic-level baddie trapped in the sun. So, effectively, the antagonist is imprisoned by the sun.
But.. how does that translate to Azlagur and Murtagh?
The Black Sun requirement for Azlagur's rise could be construed as "imprisonment" by the sun; Azlagur cannot escape until the sun is turned Black. But it only really starts to come together when you piece together these pictures.
First, early concept art for the Fractalverse
You see the black orb, heading directly for the glowing star? Sounds pretty similar.
But that's not the smoking gun; look at the depiction of the black orb in the concept art, and compare it to the trih xeem, the weapon in Marathon.
A black orb with a trail heading directly for the sun. Almost an exact match.
OK.. so I get that it has some relevence in fractalverse, but how does it translate to Eragon?
Well, because of the Beors. Specifically, a picture CHRIS HIMSELF posted about the Beors.
Here
I propose that THIS black orb, at the top of the Beors (which, suspiciously, no one has traveled to) houses the black weapon. After all, the depiction is quite similar - A large, circular, black orb. Looks pretty similar to the other pictures.
And given the above context that Azlagur can only rise with a "Black Sun", the pieces all start to fit together. It's not perfect, but there are definitely a lot of overlaps.
Alright. I've been waiting for this one. The last piece. Let's talk about Angela.
Q: Will we get Angela lore? I feel like she could have killed Galbatorix and just didn't feel like it.
A: For those who don't know Angela is based on my sister Angela, because she breaks the fourth wall to a degree she has. Not only does she have plot armor, she knows she's in a story and can break the story itself. So, yes, she could have killed Galbatorix, but that would have made for a very bad story. That said, I do have an entire book planned around Angela, and it's very high on my list of books to write because it takes place before some of these other big stories I want to write. And that's also the difficult thing. I have my big storylines, and then I have a couple of one off side books I want to write, and it's just a question of time, energy and effort.
She knows she's in a story, and she can break the story.
Based on that, and several other descriptions I will get into in a bit, I think her story is directly related to the Marathon Infinity game.

Marathon Infinity begins as the Pfhor destroy Lh'owon using a Jjaro-derived doomsday weapon known as the Trih Xeem or "early nova". Unfortunately, the weapon also releases a powerful chaotic being: The W’rkncacnter, which threatens to destroy the entire galaxy. Because of the W’rkncacnter's chaos or by means of some Jjaro tech of his own, the player is transported back and forward in time, finding himself jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides in a desperate attempt to prevent the chaotic being's release.

and

In Marathon Infinity, a W'rkncacnter is imprisoned in the sun of planet Lh'owon. It is theorized by some that the W'rkncacnter's powerfully chaotic nature may be responsible for the jumps between realities seen in the game. When the Pfhor use a trih xeem device to send the star into early nova, the creature is released, to the horror and destruction of the Pfhor.

Angela is the Eragon-equivalent of the player.
She can transport back and forward in time, jumping between timelines, and fighting to prevent the chaotic being's (Azlagur's) release. Let's dive in.
First:

Q: Is it canon that Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord and did she make a cameo in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars?
A: Is Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord? That would be copyright infringement, so I'm going to say "no comment", but she is in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars. And there is a canon reason for this. And you should have no problem spotting who she is in that book.

So there's a canon reason she's in the book. Interesting. When you take that into context with the next bit

Q: On your last AMA on reddit, someone asked if any fan had guessed the identity and history of Angela correctly. You said nobody has guessed correctly and there's not enough information in the books to do so. That puts every fan theory out there on her wrong, correct? She's not the soothsayer, a time lord, grey folk, etc, correct?
A: Angela: Some of the fan theories have gotten parts of her history and identity correct. However, there's a HUGE aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (or least, not in a non-joking way). And no, I don't mean her being a Time Lord.

So there's a huge aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (at least at the time of writing). She's self-aware, knows she's in a story, and can jump around in time. And, similar to the Marathon games, it appears like only she knows that she's in a story.
So, based on the Marathon inspiration, we can guess that she is trying to accomplish the same thing - To prevent the release of the cosmic-level villain. We know that she has some kind of relationship with the Draumar:

In Murtagh, it’s revealed that Bachel and “Uluthrek” (Mooneater, Angela’s given Urgal name) met with Bachel explicitly going out to confront her (a courtesy not even offered to a Rider like Murtagh)

So, by extension, she has some kind of connection to Azlagur. This is supported by other circumstantial evidence in FWW as well:

Since we know that the Dream Well in Mani's Caves is similar to the Well in Nal Gorgoth I can assume that Angela is revealing the existence of the Draumar to Elva there? I feel certainly feel as if you're setting up her for something in the future series.
Heh. Good Catch.

So, she is clearly working with Elva to do something related to the Dream Wells, and she also previously confronted Bachel, many years ago. So throughout multiple years across the WoE, she is connected to Azlagur and the Draumar; her story clearly revolves around them/Azlagur, somehow.
Putting the above pieces together, my guess is that she is jumping around in different timelines, trying to manipulate actions of the past to prevent the rise of Azlagur. Just like the player character in Marathon. There's another piece of circumstantial evidence to support this assertion as well.
In Marathon Infinity:

After multiple "jumps," the player (seemingly the only one who realizes he is being transported between possible realities)

Versus Angela:

As hours passed, the stars turned above, night chill drew the heat from my body, and I fell into a curious trance, not asleep but not fully awake... The world altered" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

I believe this world "Altering" was the first time she experienced an alternate timeline, without knowing what it was at the time.
We've also seen her create "Doorways" as well - Although it's not clear if this is fast traveling (a la a Torque Gate), or truly opening a path to another timeline.
In Eldest:

"As they landed, he noticed a patch of white on a small hill nearby. The patch wavered strangely in the dark, like a floating candle, then resolved into Angela, who was wearing a pale wool tunic" (A Sorceress, a Snake, and a Scroll).

and then later, more concretely:

"I traced a line on the wall, reached out, and opened a door that wasn't there. ON the other side - nighttime, a beach by a black ocean lit only by stars, so many, many stars, more than there should be. Of course, I would not take Elva to my home, not yet. But this was a waypoint, a place to build and learn and grow... She stared into the gap, the impossible portal" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

Still, as always with Angela, so many questions.
Alright, we've reached an ungodly wordcount, so I'll call it here. There are still more connections I'm uncovering between the two series (such as the potential connection between the Gedway Ignasia and the "warning" sensation from Marathon), so I might make a follow-up post in the future with everything else I uncover.
As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments, or if you've found any other connections between the two.

Telling someone that I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity right now to get a drivers license is hard at 33. When I was 16, I experienced a traumatic event involving a go-cart. I’m afraid my words won’t come out right. I’m afraid my thoughts won’t be conveyed clearly. The mental and emotional energy that I have to expend every time I take a behind the wheel exam leaves me exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m not lazy or unmotivated. I’ve gone from dissociation to being fully present behind the wheel of a car. I used to have nightmares involving operating a motor vehicle and feeling like I wasn’t in control. I still have nightmares every once in a great while but far less and very infrequent. Exposure therapy with driving school has really helped me heal a lot, but the trauma has left a mark. I honestly cant say if I’ll ever be a confident driver. The more I drive the more comfortable I feel but I have yet to feel completely relaxed when driving. The insecurity and guilt I feel for not driving gets to me sometimes because California culture really revolves around driving. I feel like I’m not a real adult sometimes and struggle with imposter syndrome as a result.

Kind of long, but any advice or input would be greatly appreciated :)
I (22F) have been working in fast food/ retail since I was 17 and I’m finally ready to take that leap to leave my current job and find one that will help advance my career and give me at least some financial stability. I also live in NorCal for context (not sure if I’d be willing to move quite yet.) I’ve been at my current retail job since 2021 and was honestly just going to stay there until I was completely finished with college but I just received my AA and the current management im under is so difficult to work with and extremely offensive I can barely take it not to mention I’ve been in management for about 2 years now and have gone from at least 20hr a week (part time) to less than 10hr a week, less than some associates and they’re all 3 hour shifts so I’m not even allowed to take a 10min break though im not even sure if that’s legal??
I am very fortunate to not have to pay rent as I live with my parents and I only have to worry about paying for my car, gas, phone, school, necessity’s etc. So no rent is a life saver in this economy. With that being said I don’t necessarily need the highest paying job quite yet (willing to work my way up or gain helpful experience) though that would be ideal for anyone. I just want to be able to find something that fits with my personality/ needs and also doesn’t care the way I look. I know sometimes you have to do what u gotta do but I cannot take working somewhere I’m miserable at and I understand that is a privilege within itself so I’m just trying to use the time I do have to really find what I’m passionate about and not be scared to try new things.
I still want to go back to school to get my bachelors degree since it’s always been a dream of mine, but since I pretty much pay for everything out of pocket besides some degree of financial aide, I don’t want to just aimlessly transfer somewhere with no clue on what to study which has been my issues for some time. I feel like my interest haven’t changed much and neither have my dreams to further my education so I’ve pretty much been saying the same things since probably before high school and I still have no clue what exactly the direction is I should go. I would love to gain some first hang experience to know if getting my B.A. is even worth it for the field I want to go into or what major would benefit me the best.
I have many interests and ideas as to what I could possibly do but I feel like as much as I say them out loud no one really relates so I always feel alone or like there’s no possible job for me that I’ll feel happy in. I mean I think majority of people would rather not work and focus their lives on their hobbies and passions but unfortunately that’s not in the cards for most people and though I sometimes live in that dreamland that doesn’t change the fact that I’m extremely dedicated, hard-working and really want to make a difference in whatever field I end up in. So I guess I’ll leave a list of the things I’m interested in, in case anybody has some advice or input on any occupations I’ve listed or have experience in anything I’ve listed.
I guess another thing to mention is that I was recently applying to a lot of jobs in childcare and pretty much every interview I went to turn me down on the spot because of my appearance. Of course I hear the stories of looking less professional due to your tattoos, piercings, etc., which I never understand. I don’t even have a single tattoo or piercing, not even my ears, but I have bright pink hair and that has been such a downside for the interviewing processes, even some retail jobs like Box Lunch for example doesn’t accept colored hair when they’re literally a pop culture store and share the same company as Hot Topic. I don’t want to have to change my appearance for a job. I know it’s just hair but I was never able to express myself the way I wanted to and the amount of money and maintenance that goes with having colored hair would not be worth it to me to color black just to get a job. It would feel like I’m altering myself and changing something that makes me feel good about myself is unfair and already puts a bad taste in my mouth about the company because they are willing to look over my qualifications and work ethic due to one minor detail in my appearance. One of these jobs I even had two on the phone interviews that went amazing and was going to my final in person interview and was literally meeting with a family for a behavioral technician job and the first thing they (the company) told me was I would need to change my hair to even be considered and I had to eventually politely end the interview because they still wanted to me to meet a kid despite straight up telling me they will not hire me if I didn’t immediately change my hair… and I’d be working with a family, not even in a ‘ public setting.’ I would just love to be able to work in a community that embraces people for their differences for the way they express themselves, and encourages self expression.
Anyways, here are some of my interests and I’d be eternally grateful to hear any feedback! Maybe you’ve worked in some of these environments and have advice or horror stories, if you have similar interests to me let me know what kind of job you have because I’m sure I don’t even know the formal titles to half of these jobs, or even have other ideas that match my interests. Thank you thank you thank you!

• A lost 22 year old just trying to find her way

TLDR: I have so many interests and have no idea where to go with my next steps in my career and schooling, and would love some advice based off of my interest and experience. My unnaturally colored hair gets me nowhere. My experience and interests are listed below.
My schooling/ experience so far: * 5 years of theatre under my belt (onstage/backstage/management) * Just graduated with my AA in Social & Behavioral Sciences (Random but was recommended to do so based on all of the same interest I told my counselor some odd years ago) * Most of my college classes were focused in sociology, psychology, and child development, which has been super interesting so I am willing to branch out from my interest because I did find a lot of interest in the classes I’ve taken previously. * Have worked in retail for four years; Pretty well received by people * A nanny to 4 kids (ages 4-16) for about 3.5 years as well
My personality: (not sure if this will help with knowing if I would be a good fit for any of the jobs listed )
i’m extremely bubbly and can have my extroverted moments, but I can also be introverted at times and when work needs to get done, I will figure out the best way to do it and get to work. I work pretty well with a team and always have ideas flowing and bouncing around, but I can also excel working on my own/have no issues being independent with my work. I don’t have a huge preference on a fast versus slow paced work environment. I would like something flexible, but I have no issue with getting into a routine. I feel like I am truly pretty flexible when it comes to my work environment, I just really want a place that I can express myself and be surrounded by a community of people similar to me. I love to be innovative and creative.
My interests/ ideas: (sorry kinda random and jumps around)

• always wanted to be a nanny or travel nanny; to work with one specific family and grow with them
• Pre-k - 1st grade teacher; I find teaching younger kids really fulfilling, love crafts/ activities/planning, extremely patient
• Art teacher (i love ceramics, but pretty much any type of art would be so cool to incorporate creativity with teaching)
• Child advocate (possibly on movie and tv sets)
• Teacher on movie and television sets
• Directing or any sort of behind the scenes job for movies and television (I love to write and create concepts, costuming, sets, music, casting)
• Set designer for movies, television, or theater
• Costume designer for movies, television, or theater
• Possibly work with an acting company backstage (I don’t even know if that’s a job but possibly a permanent backstage role somewhere)
• Open my own curated thrift shop or a shop in general that is really creative or theme oriented
• Have a small bakery business or just a business in general, I love the idea of being able to run a company or brand that’s inclusive and creative
• I do love to bake and Decorate desserts
• Creative Director; photographer, videographer; I just love the thought of creating things and bringing concepts together, planning, etc.
• Magazine company?
• Wedding planning/party and event planning; again, I just like bringing things together I feel like I have an eye for aesthetics
• Something with marketing or managing

As you can see, most of my interest have to do with childcare and the arts, which are some of the lowest paying jobs/difficult fields to get into, but it’s what I most passionate about and what I can actually see myself being happy doing for a long time. i’m also not opposed to working in one certain field for a while and then branching out to something different or related further down the line, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/fill, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/feeling useless.
Thank you so much to anyone who responds with advice and kind words :)

USC isn't a target for me, but I want to know what you guys think. I've cemented CS as my major. Also, if there are any ideas for what schools I should target please tell me. I'd appreciate recommendations of any kind relating to how I can strengthen my profile in the coming months.
Demographic:

• Second generation South Asian male
• Out of state
• Legacy at USC (two siblings with masters from there)
• Middle (upper middle?) class
• Kind of competitive public high school (Washington)
  • I have no idea because the circle I tend to find myself in is super competitive, so my perspective is biased (I have a friend with ~15 aps, plays a sport internationally, internships, a whole bunch of other crazy stuff... he's going to UCD this fall).

Stats/courses:

• 3.95 GPA UW
• Will have taken 6 AP's when I graduate (CSA, micro, macro, physics c, gov, psych)
  • Predicting a 5 for csa, micro, macro. I'll be taking the other 3 as a senior so the scores won't be on my apps, although the classes will be on my transcript.
• SAT 1470 (Please let me know if I should take it again in the fall!)
• Will be taking a computer science course in a University of Washington summer quarter

EC's:

• Game design/development
  • Have published several games online (little to no downloads)
  • Have won 3 hackathons for said games, biggest one had ~10k teams/submissions
  • I could stretch and say I have been making video games of some kind since elementary school. I've always committed time out of my week to it. To be more selective, I have been "actually" making games since I began high school.
  • Involves brainstorming, designing, programming, and art
• Video production/YouTube
  • Not currently active but was semi active for a few years. ~60 videos in a 3-year period, each one took anywhere from 3-12 hours in total to make. 269 subscribers on YouTube, 257 followers on TikTok. Additional time spent researching how to make the videos succeed, SEO optimization, etc.
  • Involves graphic design as well as video editing
• Outside of school sport
  • Not currently active but played for about 2 years, practiced for around 4 hours a week, plus matches when in season. Made it to a low intermediate level.
  • Uncommon sport (cricket)
• For some fluff, playing video games... nothing to show for it
• Computer building
  • Have built 2 computers
  • Have set up 2 different Linux-based home servers for Minecraft and NAS purposes
• Over the summer (currently finishing up my junior year) I plan on adding to my game portfolio and doing some volunteer work. I may also learn more programming languages.

Awards:

• Hackathons as previously mentioned. Nothing else

As a final and hopefully humble note, I have been told by many people that I am a very good writer, including past English teachers, friends, family, and random classmates. I'm hoping that my essays can carry me to victory.

For the record I do not have any trauma related disorders, personality disorders, or mental disorders other than MDD and severe anxiety. That being said I truly share symptoms across a lot of different disorders which confuses the hell out of me.
I had a normal childhood until about middle school. There I experienced a moderate amount of social isolations but still managed to make friends. A few of these friends tended to mess with me and try to make me feel as if I was lesser. I know I am not overreacting because other people have told me this and they act differently toward others. I think this was due to my appearance at a younger age and my anxiety. I cut them off because I realized they didn’t keep me around for other then making themselves feel good. I kept a few friends that I never Really considered close but largely I feel didn’t want to hangout with me lying about reasons not being able to hangout. I caught them in lies multiple times posting stories being somewhere when they said they were too tired to do anything or had a family event. I wantd to do something maybe once every two weeks and when they were busy maybe once a month but they managed to hangout with other people every weekend. High school I isolated myself and experimented with different personalities to try to make friends but nothing really worked that well. In my Highschool friend group I eventually had enough and argued with them over something relatively unimportant and they stopped associating with me after that with no more than a text asking if I was ok after being hospitalized a few days after. I had a bad reaction to prescribed medication that wasn't my fault. Never talked to a few of them after that in person and till this day and they think I am crazy. One said I don’t have it that bad when I tried explaining why I was so upset and how I struggled with a lot of things because a family member had an autistic son and I could never have it that bad. I was forced to go into group therapy in h s as well because of a screw up with the school and long story short my parents agreed it would be best to pull me out for a bit. I was by far the most emotionally stable person in each group I was put in no matter which person it was. I was also the only male except for a couple younger guys that were there for ASPD or OCD. I hate that I actually enjoyed being around all of the people in there. I still hate how I wish I never met any of these people because I think about them way to often and it hurts me. I felt too much in common with girls that had PTSD, BPD, and severe childhood trauma. I know that sounds awful but I truly wish I could switch lives with them because of the true horrors many of these kids experienced. the main reason I am even religious is because I do not know how a human being could torture another human soul so badly without remorse or reason without being influenced by true evil/demon/possession. I will not go into any detail because I do not feel it is my story to tell. All I will say is the light seemed dull in many children's eyes in that place. The only reason I have cried in the past like 8 months is because I remember the stories these people have told me. I hate how the closest I have every felt to a human being was with a girl that had BPD who I barely know and I felt was kind to me with no reason. I hate how I see these people around my city without it actually being them. I hate how I stay up at night thinking about our conversations. I hate how I feel they did not like me because I was even in there. I felt annoying and disrespectful without trying and I felt everything I said was stupid and came off weird or wrong. I hate how no one understands me as well as some of these girls did. Like why am I actively having good conversations with someone who seems to feel the same emotions I am feeling do not wish to have children because of the way I feel and the risk associated with them experiencing something horrible. I have also never seen myself living super long due to me being high stress and the fact I just have too much weird situations happen to me. I feel every major goal of mine has been ruined by things outside of my control I only have happiness in fleeting moments but I have experienced pure joy in a handful of moments in my life. My baseline is depressed and anxious but manageable. I feel I am lucky enough to not experience true trauma but unlucky enough to keep having bullshit mess with my life plans and happiness. There is more stuff I intentional left out because its too specific and I don't like talking bout them.
Symptoms list:
Mind racing, hypervigilance, feeling everyone is against me without proof, paranoid or more so anxious bad things will happen to me, always on guard in public; feels like people are making fun of me, intense anger toward others the world and myself, sensitive to specific words and topics, intense sensation of hollowness, backseat driveidentity issues [really only preset during extreme bouts of physical and mental stress such as not sleeping, eating or illness], I don't ever get headaches unless I am insanely stressed or depressed, sharp disconnect between myself and my feelings or feeling is should feel, I imagine crazy unrealistic but statistically probable dangerous situations happening to me when I am in public, have an intense almost idiotic need to prove my toughness and would rather die than back down to someone
My doctors have never thought I have autism and the only reason I have ever looked into that is social difficulties and when I am sleep deprived or under extreme stress/ anxiety I am not good in social situations. This has gotten better as I have gotten older though.
I do not have OCD even though I have a borderline extreme obsession with my chosen sport to the point I have to stop myself from talking about it all the time.
I don't hallucinate or have overly grandiose ideas/delusions
Don't fit criteria for PTSD as my symptoms are manageable enough to function at a high level and I have not really hit any of the trauma criteria under the DSM-5
Bipolar out of the question as I only ever experience manic symptoms when I am sick and cant get enough sleep and my mood is relatively stable. My psych told me to stop telling my therapist I have experienced mania because he believes its only due to sleep related insomnia. Even though they did say it is possible its not likely.
bipolar same with schizophrenia don't even come close to this one
Personality disorder I have no immediate family that has any of these and I did not have an exceptionally hard childhood. No severe trauma to cause this plus my mood is to stable and antidepressants help me regulate for the most part also antipsychotic actually make me worse even atypical ones suck.
My docs and therapist just say I am really unlucky and have MDD severe anxiety and to get over my past but I feel as if it is apart of me and if I let go of it that all my pain was meant for nothing. I don't know why but I would rather go a lifetime of suffering because I feel that is a better alternative for me personally and is more honorable to society than the alternative. I Truly for some reason don't have a quitting bone in my body and sometimes wish this wasn't the case. I think this is party due to spite and hate and the fact I cant believe all this was meant for nothing.

My name was slandered SO badly by the quinte.ca news that it is literally criminal and VERY VERY messed up.
According to this article I am a Sex Predator and was trying to lure a 13 year old for sex using the internet.(!!!!!)
This is a long story so I’m going to do my best at condensing it so people actually read it.
This is what happened: With a fair amount of spare time on my hands I decided to do something that would create a positive, long lasting impact. I knew there had to be some real sex predators in a city this size so I decided to see if any ADULTS online were interested and fully follow through with preying on a minor. Less than a few minutes after creating a profile I was contacted by a Belleville Resident who indicated DIRECTLY to me that he was “ok” with the decoys age.

I told him my age was TWELVE. 

Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation. So for the next five days he was essentially grooming who he believed was 12 year old and attempting to meet him that upcoming weekend. At no time did I initiate or direct the conversation to move in the dirty direction. I wanted to not only provide as much solid evidence as possible for the police, but I was thinking forward to do the same for the future prosecution when this case ultimately reached the Court….( at least In my mind, this is what I was doing it for! )
Speaking to him about 45 minutes each day I was shocked at how this was actually happening. Shocked at how quickly, unaffected and confident he was to be luring a 12 year old to his apartment.
Most disturbing was the bits of information that was confessed to me. How he “had to be really careful” because he is already a registered sex offender due to being caught with another minor years ago, and how he “had multiple other people your age” in the past which he had never been caught for.
So obviously by the time I was aware of that I was Deadset at not only catching and exposing this creep but see to it that he gets his rightful spot back in a prison cell.

Make no mistake I took screenshots of EVERY message/text/conversations/photos. 

( I had taken photos of myself and used an age altering app which was procured freely from Apple. ) Upon his request I sent multiple Altered selfies over those five days in the various poses he was asking for. Obviously this was done to prove that the decoy was in fact “real”. Bam. That’s it. It was Friday and this registered sex offender “PDF File” was in FULL BELIEF and confident that a Minor was on the way to his apartment to “teach him” how to have sex.
I went just outside the meeting area a bit early and sat down with my Sony 500 video camera around my neck and was prepared to begin the video, capturing him as he went directly to the prearranged location. He was going with the quickness and attempting to hold back the huge shit eating grin on his face. Disgusting. Vile. True evil.
So I walked up to him while recording and made a call from my cellphone to his which I used to instantly tell him off the bat: “YOU’RE FKD!” Also by doing this at that moment I was putting him in a position (ON CAMERA mind you) which he had zero opportunity to deny anything.

Over the next 20-30 minutes He confessed to everything that was said during the conversations. Instead of me questioning him, initially I had told him to tell me exactly why he was there, and for him to tell me (the camera) everything that was in those terrible and unbelievable messages. 

I grilled him like a ribeye.
After having gathered what I believed to be enough evidence and having him vocally express ( One more and last time) directly to the camera why he was there at that precise moment and what it was he had expected to go down that day in his apartment, I decided to end recording, and leave.
With my adrenaline pumping, I left. Forgetting to do what could’ve been the most important thing, not for exposing him or the Court, but for ME. . . Call the cops. I called them about 10 minutes into the walk back to my home. I told the Officer everything that had just happened. Including the prior five days leading up to this event. I was praised for doing what I had done by this Officer but was informed that the “Detective” responsible for this “crime category” was already off duty and wouldn’t be returning until Monday.
On Monday I received a phone call from that Officer and TRIED to explain everything. It was like I was speaking another language to him. He REPEATEDLY tried to change what I was telling him. For example; I explained how I was the decoy and that there did NOT EXIST AN ACTUAL MINOR involved here, and then he would say: “so you and this sex offender ‘hooked up’ and tried to get a ‘13’ year old over to HIS house” !!!!! It was if he was Trolling. He simply could not, or did not WANT TO understand what happened. “It’s like a STING OPERATION” I finally said to him. I told him this guys name and where he lived. I even knew his birthdate from the convos with the Decoy. So this “detective” in charge of investigating a very serious category of crime in this city KNEW that this predator is a Registered Sex Offender. He KNEW that I was in possession of a litany of irrefutable evidence. Yet was totally incompetent and put me down as Suspect #1 from the start. For not a single reason. He denied my requests to come down and SHOW HIM THE FRICKIN’ EVIDENCE. He did not even want to see the video confession!!! Nothing happened. He said it was now an “open case” and I had a case number. Deflated. Flabbergasted. I was [again] in shock. After weeks of waiting, I ended up putting the entire video of sicko confessing and me grilling him on YouTube. My genuine motive from the start was to make a positive impact on the community. To potentially stop a child from being victimized by a predator. I felt let down the police response. Little did I know what was to come SIX months later. The cops raided the house I was living in.
I was immediately handcuffed and told that I was arrested for “LURING A MINOR” !!!! I was literally paralyzed. With at LEAST HALF A DOZEN POLICE OFFICERS AND AN EQUALLY UNNECESSARILY LARGE AMOUNT OF SUVS PARKED ON THE DRIVEWAY, LAWN, AND ONE OF THE BUSIEST ROADS IN THE CITY. RED AND BLUES FLASHING ON ALL OF THEM. W h a t . T h e . F o c k ! ? ! They went up to my neatly organized room and searched it over discovering of course nothing but my phone. Snatching it with a joy like they had just successfully done something significant. I had 5-7 cops surrounding me in a semi circle after arriving at the Jail as I prepared to go inside a cell. They even shackled my feet. I know from watching cops and the like on YouTube to always exercise the right to remain silent. There was nothing I could do or say at that point which would help and I definitely didn’t resist the arrest so it really must’ve been a slow day. Eh guys? That and/or the overly incompetent rookie had relayed to his colleagues and obviously his Superiors to get the raid and arrest warrant his own personal story that he had recreated. Unfriggenbelieveable! It’s SO ABSURD THERE IS NO PROPER WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW IT FEELS TO GO THROUGH THIS! Doing something I considered not just “Right”, but Honourable, Justified, and definitely NOT illegal! How the hell did a JUDGE sign an arrest AND RAID Warrant on me with ZERO evidence, physical, concrete, or even circumstantial?? Not a single reason lawfully or otherwise for them to raid, arrest, shackle my feet and throw me in a jail cell for hours, and then criminally charge me with “Luring of a Minor”. Evidently, according to this news article the police had conducted a Six Month Investigation. Huh? Of What?! On Who?!
Now, Finally, The News Article: The information printed in any news article requires a source, so all of this information had to have only been provided by the police department. This article was printed at 9 in the morning the very next day of the arrest and raid. So of course this was all information provided from police.

This is what the dumbass, rookie, ignorant cop fabricated for no actual real reason: 

“Two men were arrested yesterday after a Six Month long Investigation revealed that the men had ‘BOTH’ believed that they were speaking with a ‘13’ year old boy online. Registered sex offender (the real predators name) and another known sex offender ( my name) are each charged with Luring of a Minor. (Real predators name again) is also charged with using an electronic device to lure a Minor, and breach of probation.”

My LandLord happened to be home at the time of the Raid, and he had also (I guess being suspicious after the raid,) read the article online which is quoted directly above. 

Which meant that he would be evicting me from the property, and I can’t blame him. With that article being read by my roommates and hisself I can’t really blame him for that either.
The charges against myself were eventually dropped, of course. About 18 months later! My phone being confiscated in the raid in order to access everything on there was also given back to me. They played immature and unprofessional games with that as well; returning my property. Such as : come in this day, your phone is ready to be released now. Show up. “Oh so and so thought it was ready but we don’t have it yet.” Weeks later. Get another call saying it is in fact ready now. Show up. “There is no one working in the evidence locker today, there will be in two days.” Screw them! I show up ten days late and what do you know? My property is actually there for me, and I finally get it back. Of course having had to purchase new phone in the meantime. Worse yet, I can’t recall the password and it was before facial recognition (not like that would matter) and after the fingerprint touch button. So it’s just a brick now.
That’s the least of my concern, as that bullshit article remains up, and the YouTube video had been taken down for some privacy violation nonsense.
After paying the criminal defence attorneys’ invoice(s), I couldn’t afford the 6K being asked by EVERY attorney I had reached out to.
So there, that’s one of many of my Unbelievably Insane Life’s stories. I suppose I didn’t provide the short version. Even though I have sincerely tried to keep it all to a minimum by leaving out plenty of details and significant events, this ended up being the Mid Length version.